#i should be working on lucky break but alas

[rollinouttahere-writes]

I'm bad at being on hiatus apparently. Here's some shamelessly self indulgent Sanji fluff.

A Father's Joy

Sanji x Fem Reader

2.5k words

Warnings for brief, nondescript mentions of pregnancy and childbirth

You love Sanji. Perhaps too much. Despite only knowing him for a little over a month by the time you had to part ways to become stronger, you fell for him hard and fast. It was a whirlwind romance, but it just felt right. Everything about him was endearing to you, so the relationship progressed faster than it normally would. You were a pirate now. Why should you abide by normal dating conventions? If it felt right and both of you were happy about it, then why not indulge? 

Less than a month into your training, you realized that you perhaps over indulged. You were pregnant. There was only one man that could be the father, and he was on an entirely different island. And you won’t see him again for almost two years.

Having to deal with a surprise pregnancy was difficult at the best of times. Coping with it while training to become stronger and trying to figure out what to do about Sanji was a nightmare. You wanted to tell him. He had every right to know… but should he?

Would it really be fair to make him aware of a baby that he won’t even be able to see, much less hold? It felt horrible to keep him in the dark, but the idea of telling him now in a letter felt even worse. He wasn’t going to be able to be with the child either way… so you chose to let him live in blissful ignorance until the reunion. You could only hope he would understand your reasoning and not feel too betrayed.

The only thing you were concerned about was how he would take learning that he missed out on over a year of his baby’s life. You knew without a doubt that he would love his daughter and that he wasn’t the type to question paternity. Not that he could even if he wanted to. Abigail was the spitting image of her father, right down to the slightly curled eyebrows. They weren’t quite as pronounced as his, but the slight curl was unmistakable.

As scary as it was to find out you were having her, you loved Abigail more than anything. She might have hindered your training, but you more than made up for it after you recovered from her birth. The second you were able to look upon her, you knew you would fight anyone and everyone to keep her safe and happy, and that definitely came out in your training.

Abigail was sixteen months old, and you’ve spent those months obsessively taking pictures of her every waking (and sometimes sleeping) moment. You’d also been showing her a picture of you and Sanji together and teaching her to say ‘dada’ every time she saw his face. You’re pretty sure Sanji will die of a broken heart if he doesn’t get called that upon their first meeting. Hopefully he doesn’t look too different after these two years.

By the time the two years had ended and it was time to reunite, you were feeling much more confident in your strengths and capability as a fellow Straw Hat. Though you couldn’t help but feel nervous about how Sanji will take the news. He was going to be devastated to have missed so much of the beginning of his daughter’s life, that much was inevitable. More than ever, you were questioning your decision to keep her a secret.

Running into Nami on the way back helped alleviate your worries. She had actually agreed with what you did, saying that he would have spent the past two years sulking if he did know. She’d also been all over Abigail, cooing over how cute she was and immediately asserting herself as her godmother. You had no objection to her self-appointed status, and you know Sanji certainly won’t have a problem with it. Knowing him, he’ll forgo the godfather position and instead have Robin be a second godmother.

Seeing the Thousand Sunny again was extremely heartwarming, especially when you saw your crewmates. It was a joyful reunion, and everyone else had had equally positive reactions to Abigail. Franky immediately got to work on building a crib and other baby furniture for her and even made some comments about fitting in a nursery on the ship for her. Usopp was thrilled to have a new captive audience for his storytelling, especially since she was too young to question (or even understand) the validity of anything he was saying. Chopper and Brook were awed and excited at her presence, with Chopper swearing up and down that he was going to be the best doctor ever for her. Brook, on the other hand, played music to help calm her down after she started crying when she saw him. It did work, but Abigail was distinctly still wary of the giant talking skeleton. Robin was her usual, subdued self, but she was clearly happy to see her, commenting on how happy Sanji is going to be when he gets here.

If only that would happen already. Of course, he was one of the people that wasn’t there yet. Luffy and Zoro weren’t there either. Part of you was happy to have more time before the reveal, but the other side of you wanted to finally get this weight off your chest.

You guys had finally gotten word of where the missing three were, and Chopper had been sent out to fetch them. Abigail was currently napping in your shared room in the crib that Franky had built in record time. Everyone had agreed to make sure that you and Sanji would have ample alone time for you to introduce him to his daughter. The moment of truth was close, and your heart felt like it was going to beat right out of your chest.

Finally, you saw them approaching. Luffy called out to everyone, and for a moment, all of your fears were forgotten. All you could think about was how amazing it was for all of you to be together again.

Then you saw him. Sanji was seated next to Luffy on the bird Chopper had used to pick them up. The second you made eye contact with him, he stared at you in awe. A wide grin broke out across his face, and the next thing you knew, he was leaping off the bird.

Before you could yell at him that he was nowhere near the boat yet, he surprised you by running across the air. Huh. That was new. You didn’t have much time to dwell on the new ability before Sanji closed the distance and all but tackled you.

The familiar scent of Sanji’s cologne mingled with tobacco flooded your senses, and you had to choke back happy tears as you could finally feel him again. His arms were locked around your middle as he lifted you into the air and spun you around.

“(Y/N)-swan! My love! My everything!” Sanji dropped you down just enough to start aggressively kissing all over your face. More scruff than you were used to scratched at your cheeks, but it was nice.

You couldn’t help but giggle at the loving assault. “So I take it you missed me a little?”

“A little?! Do you have any idea what it was like for me to be away from you for so long? It was awful! I thought I wasn’t going to make it!” Sanji held you tight again, rubbing the side of his head against your own. Your heart panged. If he struggled just with being away from you, maybe it was good that you kept Abigail a secret.

“I’m sure you two have lots of catching up to do. You should go somewhere private.” Nami strolled over to where you two were, smiling widely. You could practically feel the excitement coming off of her. Sanji perked up from her appearance and immediately started fawning over her. This didn’t last long because Nami slapped the back of his head and firmly told him to go with you. You wanted to laugh at her less than subtle method for making sure you got some alone time, but your nerves about what was just about to happen kept that at bay.

Hooking Sanji’s arm with yours, you guide him to the sleeping quarters you share with Nami and Robin. Sanji was entirely unbothered from Nami slapping his head and was back to cuddling up to you while you walked.

“You look even more stunning than I remembered, my love,” his voice purred in your ear. Despite everything, you felt your face getting hot. You shook your head. Now was not the time for any of that! That damn voice of his was what got you into your current predicament, and you couldn’t go falling into it carelessly again. Abigail did not need a sibling this soon.

Once you reach the door, you stop Sanji and turn to face him, “I need you to close your eyes and keep them closed until I say so.”

Sanji grinned and closed his eyes without hesitation. You open the door and quickly usher him inside before locking the door behind you. You could see Sanji perk up from the sound, no doubt making some wildly incorrect assumptions about what was about to go down. You guide Sanji over to your bed and have him sit down, knowing that it will probably be best if he’s sitting for this reveal.

He’s practically buzzing with giddiness, and you feel a little bad for the emotional whiplash that you’re about to put him through. Gripping his shoulders firmly, you speak again, “I’ll be right back. Keep your eyes closed.”

“Of course, (Y/N)-swan!” 

You step back, watching his face for any indication that he might peek, but you saw none. He had always been pretty obedient, so you suppose you didn’t really need to worry about that. You turn around and walk over to where the crib was placed. Abigail was rubbing at her eyes, appearing to just now be waking up. You had her wearing a sky blue dress with a matching ribbon that was holding together her tuft of blonde hair at the top of her head.

Carefully, you scoop her into your arms, bouncing her slightly. This was it. It was time for her to finally see more than just a picture of her dad.

The distance between her crib and your bed felt much longer on the way back. Your heart pounded with each step. Abigail stared at Sanji curiously as you got closer to him, and you prayed that the new facial hair wasn’t going to be enough to make him unrecognizable to her.

When you’re just a few steps away from him, you stop. Swallowing thickly, you rip the bandaid off. “You can open your eyes now.”

Not even a beat passes before Sanji eagerly opens his eyes with a grin on his face. Then his eyes zero in on Abigail, and it’s gone. He stares at her with wide eyes for what feels like an eternity. You don’t push him, knowing that he needs to take this in at his own pace. You can practically hear the gears in his head turning as he stares intently at his daughter’s face.

Suddenly, Abigail holds out her arms to Sanji while making grabby hands at him, saying precisely what you had hoped she would say. “Dada.”

Just like that, Sanji is snapped out of his daze and lurches forward to take her into his own arms. He stands there, tightly clutching the toddler to his chest. He looks at you with tears starting to drip down his face. He speaks with a choked voice, “Dada?”

The question is more than clear to you. “Yes… that’s your daughter.” You step closer and lightly rub his shoulder. “Her name is Abigail.”

Sanji sniffled loudly and pulled her back just enough to be able to look at her face again. She looked up at him with a confused expression, not understanding why he was crying. She reached up and patted his face with her pudgy hands while repeating the word ‘dada’ over and over again.

This only made him cry more. He switched to holding her with one arm so he could wipe at his face. Sanji cleared his throat and looked at her again, “Hi, Abigail. I’m your dada.” Despite his onslaught of tears, he was smiling widely.

He hugged her close, then looked back at you, “How old is she?”

You were certain that hearing the number would hit him hard, but he needed to know. “A year and four months.” 

The waterworks started anew. “I missed a year and four months of my baby’s life?” 

“Don’t beat yourself up about it, there was nothing you could do. I know it’s not the same as being there, but I took lots of pictures.” You already had two photo albums of Abigail. Sanji didn’t respond, so you continued, “I’m sorry that this is how you’re finding out… I wanted to tell you as soon as I found out, but I wasn’t sure it would be a good idea. I knew that you wouldn’t be able to see her until the two years were over, so I thought it would hurt less for you not to know. I’m sorry that I kept this from you, and I’ll understand if you’re angry with me for it.”

Getting all of that off your chest was relieving, but also uncomfortable. You couldn’t bring yourself to look him in the eye while saying that, instead choosing to stare down at your feet.

Before you could dwell on it for too long, Sanji brings you into a crushing embrace with Abigail squished between you. He only pulled away when Abigail started to squirm and whine. When he stepped back, his eye was staring so deeply into yours that you felt like he could see into your very soul. He spoke in such a soft and loving tone that it made you want to cry. “I could never be angry with you. Especially not for this. I should be the one apologizing. You had to go through all of that alone. I wasn’t there for you when you needed me most.” 

Blinking back tears, you speak softly, “Don’t apologize. You didn’t know. I’m not holding it against you, so you better not hold it against yourself.” You hug his side so as to not squish Abigail again. You and Sanji share a quiet moment while watching her play with his tie, not a care in the world. Your eyes flit to Sanji’s face, and your heart feels like it’s going to burst from how adoring his expression is. A warm smile spreads across your face, and you rest your head against his shoulder, “She looks a lot like you, doesn’t she?”

“She looks just like my mom.”

Your eyes widen in surprise. You can’t recall Sanji ever mentioning his mother before. Or any of his family, really. Based off the soft, nostalgic look on his face, you can only assume that his mother must have been a wonderful person. You want to pry, but now doesn’t feel like a good time. You’ll ask about her later.

For now, you just want to focus on Sanji and catching him up on everything he’s missed.

[itsbeeble]

My Kink Is Karma

Summary: Sunwoo breaking up with you after three happy years was not on your bingo card. It's a good thing you believe in karma.

Genre: smut

Pairing: Kim Sunwoo x fem!reader

WC: 7.2k

THE BOYZ Masterlist MAIN Masterlist

PERM TAGLIST: @winterchimez @juyeonszn @flwoie @captain-brie

FIC TAGLIST: @sanaxo-o @from-izzy

WARNINGS: not edited at all tbh so please lmk if there's something that needs adjusting, Sunwoo kinda shitty in this, infidelity, credit card fraud (?), theft, oral (m and f receiving), making out, marking, p in v sex, overstimulation, swearing, a little bit of degradation, hair pulling, face sitting, fingering, and of course karma

18+ MDNI AGLESS BLOGS WILL BE BLOCKED

A/N: i miss being good at writing smut. Anyway enjoy this! Izzy has waited far too long and i'm sorry pookie :( I hope this is worth the wait

Sunwoo kicking you out on a random Tuesday afternoon hadn’t quite been what you planned for. In fact, you feel like you’ve been completely blindsided. Things had been going strong for almost three years— decent communication, his parents loved you, your parents loved him, and the sex was to die for. You had a shared group of friends, all of whom thought they would see the day you would get married if you could ever scrape together the money for it. You were young, sure, but you knew you loved him and wanted to spend the rest of your life with him, even if it meant spending your life savings on a cheap wedding and living in your parent’s basement for the next ten years. 

It was humiliating for you and him, the way you clutched at his knees with mascara running down your cheeks, begging him not to do this. Not to leave you like this. Things were good, you thought things were perfect. Was it work? Was he stressed from work? Or, maybe, it was a prank. Something that Eric put him up to.

No, it’s just not working out. You had to leave, pack your things and leave the fucking apartment that was in your name just because he wasn’t as in love with you as you were with him.

Alas, here you were six weeks later, refreshed and over that bullshit relationship with your best friend who practically saved your ass with some speech about karma.

The nail salon is practically buzzing with life, techs and customers alike skirting through the small building in a blur of motion. You watch each person carefully, gnawing on your lip and tapping your feet against the tiled ground. Nervous habits that you had never been able to shake. Normally, a steady hand would be on your thigh or across your shoulders to calm you. 

That steady hand, however, is no longer an option.

“You hear what’s going on with Sunwoo?” Hyori’s eyes turn to meet yours, the nail tech in front of her gently grabbing her hand to apply a fresh set of blue polish. You kiss your teeth, biting your tongue to hold back a stinging reply. 

“Why would I care what that piece of shit does?” 

Clearly, that doesn’t work very well. It does, however, bring you quite a bit of pain due to the sharpness of your teeth and the force you use to try and hold back the venom in your tone. The nail tech looks up briefly, breaking her focus on painting your stiletto-shaped nails dark green. You can feel the curiosity, the itch for drama in those eyes. Lucky for her, you’re in a very…dramatic mood, aching for a bit of karma. 

“Well, I mean, he did leave you homeless, took your credit cards and ran you into debt that your parents very graciously paid off, fucked your sister…need I go on?” Hyori’s nail tech snaps her head up, eyes wide.

“That explains why I shouldn’t give a fuck. Why should I?” 

“Well,” Hyori straightens in her chair, smiling so wide that you’re sure her cheeks are stinging. “I hear that he’s fuckin losing it lately. Like, destroyed his apartment so bad that the landlord kicked him out and he had to move back in with his parents.” 

Your jaw drops open, an appalled noise coming out of your mouth. Some sort of half-laugh-half-scoff sort of noise that has heads turning in your direction. 

“No way.”

“Mhm, apparently he was also getting with this girl who was, like, eighteen based on what Yerim told me.” 

“Bitch, you better be joking right now,” you scoff. “What a fucking weirdo.”

“Don’t quote me on that,” Hyori shrugs. “You know that Yerim is notoriously unreliable.”

“Yeah, tell me about it. Remember the whole pickle situation?”

“Fuck, don’t remind me,” Hyori groans, leaning her head back on her chair. “I genuinely couldn’t leave my house for weeks after that— I was so embarrassed.”

“You and me both, girl.”

It gets quiet for a moment, both of you thinking about the question but not wanting to be the first to ask it. The nail techs, in this silence, are able to finish both of your nails and usher you off to pay. You can tell, just by looking back at them as you leave the building, that they’re just a bit pissed about not hearing the full story, about not hearing what you’re going to do about this whole thing. 

“So,” Hyori sighs as you slide into her passenger seat, “what are you gonna do?”

“C’mon, Hyori…” you click your tongue, voice trailing off as you mull over your options. “You should know by now that I tend to make sure karma bites people right in the ass.”

“You and your fucking kinks, girl,” Hyori scrunches her nose, laughing quietly to herself. “Let me guess, you’re gonna make damn sure he knows he fucked up by fucking his best friend?”

“Eric? Nah, the kid’s cute but not my type.” 

“I’m shocked, truly,” Hyori remarks. “What’ll you do then?” “You’ll find out soon enough, trust me.”

You never admit to Hyori just how much it turns you on that Sunwoo’s life is falling apart. You never told her how much you loved it when he crumbled and begged and pleaded for something. It was a secret, one that only you and Sunwoo knew about and that you ensured stayed between just the two of you before you left for good. 

You most certainly don’t tell Hyori about how you touched yourself to the thought of him almost every night. How you thought about Sunwoo and only Sunwoo when you slept with a man. How no dates ever lasted that long because you always ended up comparing to how Sunwoo used to be. If she found out how you still wanted him, how you wished he would come crawling back to you even if it was just for one night, she would kill you on the spot.

The next time you hear about Sunwoo is exactly two months after your breakup. However, it’s less you hearing about him than it is hearing from him. You thought you’d blocked his number after the first week when Hyori had caught you drunk calling his phone, begging for him to come back to you and to try and make things work. Pathetic is what she’d called you when you’d burst into tears. Desperate is what you’d called yourself when she crushed it under her stiletto. He’d cheated on you, not the other way around, so why were you so desperate for him to forgive you?

Your good friend, Karma, seems to have hit him. His texts had been nonstop since the night before, and phone calls streaming in soon after that never seemed to end. 

The first stream of texts were clearly drunk messages:

HFy bsby, plekde clal mfe

Im spory

Seh wasnt wothr if

Babyyyyyyyyy

Then came the voicemails, ones that you keep just for the future:

Hiiiiii baby! I miss you sooooo much, please call me back!

I know that I messed up, but I wanna make it work for us. The sex isn’t the same with her and no one could ever reaaaalllyyyy make me feel like you did. God, that tongue trick where you—” 

The audio for that one cuts out, and you can only assume that his friends caught him in time. Something swirls through your gut like a snake—pride, perhaps. Something smug, knowing that you have made him just as desperate as you were. Another emotion curls around you, closer to sorrow knowing that you can’t have him anymore. You won’t have him. Not after what he did to you. 

Your phone dings with another text and you put it on silent. The nail tech across from you, the same woman as last time, eyes it carefully.

“That the boy you broke up with?” She asks, painting your nails cherry red. You decided to keep the stiletto shape, loving the sharpness of it and how it accents each outfit you wear. 

“Yeah,” you sigh and relax your hands a bit. “Hasn’t shut up since last night.”

“Why haven’t you blocked him yet?” She taps your palm and you slide your hand into the UV light. 

“I dunno,” you shrug. Truly you don’t know the answer to that question. Do you miss him? After everything he did, do you really still love him?

“Hm,” The woman huffs and you sink back in your chair. “You should find out.”

“Hello?” Your phone sits on the counter as you cook dinner for yourself. Hyori is gone for the night, something about a date. 

“Y/N!” The cheery voice of your ex-boyfriend catches you off guard and the spatula in your hand drops to the counter. “How are you?”

“What the actual fuck?” You turn off the stove, walk over to where your phone is, and stare down at it with nothing but shock on your face. “Why the fuck are you calling me, Kim Sunwoo?”

“I wanted to talk to you,” he says as if stating the obvious. “Why else would I call?” The amusement in his voice makes your eyes twitch and your teeth grind against each other. 

“Is this some sort of sick joke? Did Eunbi put you up to this?” The feeling of your sister’s name leaves a bad taste in your mouth and you have to fight back a gag, placing the back of your hand over your lips. 

“Eunbi?” Sunwoo sounds confused now and you can practically see the pout on his plush lips. The same lips that used to—

Down girl.

“Yeah, Eunbi.” You pick at a string on your t-shirt and huff. “My sister. The one you fucked in our bed? Remember her?”

There’s silence on the other end of the line and the the speaker crackles like Sunwoo breathed into it. 

“Right. Eunbi. I forgot about that.”

Rage cracks through your veins, sending sparks through your body and your face begins to burn with it. 

“You forgot that you fucked my sister?” You’re seething, your heart pounding and your breathing rapid. “Are you fucking kidding me, Sunwoo?”

“Listen,” he drags the syllables out like he had made just a simple mistake. “I only fucked her one time and she wasn’t even that good. I want you, Y/N. Just you.”

You scoff. “Well, you should have thought about that before screwing her and fucking up my credit cards, bitch.” 

“Yeah, that I don’t have a defense for,” he sighs again, and there’s a rustling on his end of the line as if he’s adjusting his position or clothing. The burning in your cheeks eases as the silence goes on for a few minutes. 

“Why did you call me, Sunwoo?” 

“I wanted to talk,” he says simply. “Can you open the door now?”

Your body tenses when three knocks sound at your door. No fucking way did he show up here. For a few seconds, you refuse to move, rooted to your spot in the kitchen and reaching slowly to the knife holder next to you.

“Don’t reach for the knives, babe.” Sunwoo scolds and you drop your hand back to your side. “It was just me and I know you get nervous when you’re home alone.” The anger returns to your body in full swing and you slap your finger down on the red button to hang up. Your footsteps are so loud as you walk to the door that you know the downstairs neighbors will be pissed in a few minutes, but you can’t find yourself really caring about what they think about you. 

The lock clicks and you swing the door open, stopping it just before it slams against the wall that you really can’t afford to fix at the moment. 

“What the fuck are you doing here?” You snap, and Sunwoo grins sheepishly at you. Fuck, he looks good. Too good. Pathetic, maybe, but still good. His jeans hang low on his waist, showing the band of his underwear, and his black shirt has had the sleeves cut off and the hem potentially burned based on how messy it is. His shoes are stained and your nose curls at the mystery colors that could either be crayons or some sort of food he got at a club. You really aren’t sure which; not that you care anyway.

What really gets you is his hair. When you broke up, it had been naturally black and curly. You loved running your hands through it at the end of the night, loved yanking on it to force his lips to move to your clit when he ate you out. It was arguably your favorite feature about him aside from those wide, gorgeous eyes. When you look at him now, his hair is streaked with blond, sloppily done as if he’d done it at home with a grocery bag, cheap bleach, and a few beers on a Monday night. Your stomach churns, but not with anger this time. You recognize the feeling of arousal that pours through your veins and nearly washes away the rage entirely. 

“I told you I wanted to talk,” he digs his stained shoes into the dirty rug at the entryway, not looking you in the eyes. “You were ignoring my calls and messages, so I figured I’d stop by and see you. I miss you.” 

The pout on his lips is what makes you cave, and you step to the side to allow him into the apartment. You watch him carefully as he tugs his shoes off, letting him gaze around at your new (hopefully) temporary home. 

“Cute place you got here—”

“Cut the crap, Sunwoo.” Before I cave and kiss you senseless like a fucking moron. “You wanted to talk. What about?”

He gestures to the couch, pursing his lips as you move past him to take a seat as far from him as possible. It’s tense, the air thick with words that will remain unsaid as long as you can help it. It’s hard to control yourself, though. Hard to keep strong like Hyori taught you when the man you thought you’d spend the rest of your life with is sitting right there looking just so…

Fuckable.

Fuck, maybe you’re just desperate.

“I…” Sunwoo fidgets with his hands, looking down at his lap for a moment. “God this is harder than I thought it would be.” 

You soften just a bit, your body sinking into the couch and your legs tucking underneath you. 

“I wanted to apologize,” he finally gets out with a tight smile. “For, well, everything. You didn’t deserve how I treated you. I shouldn’t have…slept with Eunbi, and I definitely shouldn’t have run you into debt. It was horrible of me, and I’m sorry.”

You kiss your teeth and he looks at you hopefully. “It was really shitty, Sunwoo. We were together for three years.”

“I know,” he turns fully toward you and reaches forward to take your hands in his. “And I’m sorry.” You search his eyes for a hint of anything that might tell you otherwise.

A smile spreads across your lips when you find exactly what you’re looking for.

Lust. Desperation. The exact emotions that you’d been feeling for the two months it had been since you’d broken up. And, with those emotions found and locked into your brain, you know exactly how to play with him.

“Sunwoo,” you coo and he jumps at the sudden switch of attitude. Your hands pull from his and you let them dance across his thighs. His eyes flick down, watching your hands and trailing up your body ever so slowly and eventually meeting your eyes. “You really mean it, baby?” 

His cheeks darken, his lips parting in awe as you lean toward him, your breath fanning his face and sending shivers down his spine. 

“Baby,” Sunwoo’s palm comes to rest on your hip, his thumb sliding under your shirt and rubbing gentle circles. “I don’t— are you— I mean aren’t you angry?”

“Of course I’m angry,” you shrug but the smile remains on your lips. Slowly, you begin to move your hand from his thigh to his crotch and press down just enough for his breath to hitch. “That’s why I want you to fuck me.”

He doesn’t move, his hand frozen on your hip, unsure of what to do and how to proceed. Your lips are centimeters from his, your eyes half-lidded and waiting for him to move. He continues to stay frozen, his breath uneven and heavy, so you kiss him. Hard. 

You kiss him like you’re drunk—messy and wet, just as you know he likes it. Your tongue pushes into his mouth, pushing at his and forcing him into action. Your heart leaps at the feeling of his hands yanking you into his lap and his chest rumbling with a low groan. His lips move against yours with just as much passion and ferocity, his tongue flicking against yours and shoving past it to try and breach your mouth. He’s holding you so tight, his head shoving forward so you’re forced to lean back, but you’re not one to let him win so you push him back, grabbing his hair in one hand and yanking at the strands until he’s whining your name. 

“What, baby?” You coo, pulling away from his lips and licking at the string of spit that connects your lips. “Don’t you like it when I pull your hair?” 

Experimentally, you pull again and Sunwoo’s jaw drops open with an airy moan. “Mm, that’s what I thought.” 

You connect with him again, biting and sucking and licking at them, enjoying the sounds he makes while he tries to kiss you back. His hands are squeezing your hips so tightly, pulling you down to grind against his jean-clad cock. If he can’t kiss you, he’s gonna make damn sure that you have a hard time focusing. Unfortunately for him, you know all of his tricks. You know exactly what he does and when he does it. For example, if you suck at the skin just beneath his jaw, right next to his Adam’s apple, he lets out such pretty whines.

“Baby,” he gasps out, hips jumping into yours. “Fuck, w-why do you have to k-know me so well?” You just laugh, sucking at the soft skin until it’s practically bruised. Pleased with your work, you bite down just enough for him to yelp before pulling back to admire it. 

“You know me, Woo,” you purr, leaning forward again to lick a stripe up his neck and to his lips. They part, his mouth opening for you to lean over and gently kiss him with your tongue delicately brushing against his. Although maybe delicate isn’t quite the right word seeing as the moment your tongue is in his mouth, he starts to suck at it. One of his hands slides from your hip to tangle in your hair, holding you close to him as he sucks at the pink muscle and ruts his hips up into yours. You gasp quietly, just enough for it to get his attention. Sunwoo’s eyes are screwed shut, his hands holding you so tight that you’re afraid you’ll be bruised in the morning.

Who are you kidding, though?

If you aren’t bruised in the morning, you may just kick him out. 

“Sunwoo,” you murmur but your words are muffled. He just groans, pulling you closer if it was even possible. “Sunwoo, baby. We’re not fucking on Hyori’s couch.”

“Then we’ll take the floor,” he grunts, pulling away in annoyance. “I haven’t had good sex in two months, I’m not wasting any fucking time on switching rooms.” 

You scoff. “I’m not fucking you in my living room.” 

He goes to argue with you, but you’re already moving off his lap. “You can’t be serious, baby.” There’s a challenge in your eyes as you reach for the hem of your shirt. Any arguments he may have had are gone the second your shirt hits the ground, your breasts sitting so nicely on your chest with no bra to hide them from his view. 

“I’m very serious, Sunwoo.” Your hands move to the band of your shorts, the corner of your lips pulled into a smirk as you slowly pull them down your legs until you’re able to step out of them. As if in a trance, Sunwoo slowly rises to his feet, dragging forward until he’s merely a foot away from you. He reaches a hand out to grab you, but you take a step back. His brows furrow and he tries again but you’re still backing away from him. His trance seems to hold, much to your amusement, watching your breasts bounce with every step away from him until you reach your bedroom. 

“You knew that would work.” Sunwoo pouts, but it’s quick to turn into a grin when you finally let him touch you. Immediately he pushes you down onto the mattress, crawling over you until you’re caged beneath him, your eyes wide with lust and anticipation while he tries to figure out where to start. “Fuck, been too long since I’ve seen these pretty tits.”

Your thighs rub together and you draw your bottom lip between your teeth as he shifts down your body until he’s face to face with your chest. 

He’s a millimeter away from wrapping his lips around one of your nipples when you suddenly grab his hair and yank him back up, keeping his face in front of yours as you shift onto your knees. 

“What the fuck?” He whines, eyes glassy and confused. “What’d you do that for?”

“You didn’t think I’d make it that easy, did you?” You pout at him, mocking him, and his cheeks flush. “After everything you put me through, did you really think I’d make it so easy to get me again?”

“Well, I mean,” Sunwoo gulps, letting out a grunt when you pull his hair again. “Fucking— If you keep doing that, baby, I swear to god I’ll cum in my pants—” You just laugh at him, your eyes gleaming.

“You think a little begging is gonna stop me, Woo? What if,” you lean down until your lips brush against his ear, “I want you to do it?” 

Another yank at his hair and his whole body shudders, his hips jerking violently into yours and his mouth dropping open. Loud moans leave his mouth, a bit of drool seeping out of the corner of his lips that you’re quick to swoop down and lick up. 

You loved toying with him like this. You loved watching as he desperately tries to hold it together, to keep himself from cumming in his pants like a teenage boy but failing miserably at just one faint touch from you. Your hand falls from his hair, sliding down to his shoulder so you can push him to lie down on your mattress. He lets you, his eyes dazed and confused by what just happened to him but still staring at you with awe. 

“You know what you can do to make it up to me, Sunwoo?” You slide his shirt up his torso and he follows your movements, grabbing the fabric once it gets too high and tugging it over his head. 

“I’ll do anything, baby, please,” Sunwoo squeezes at your hips and pulls you down over his likely overstimulated cock. “Tell me what to do to make it better.”

“Let me sit on your face,” you purr, “eat me out like the good boy you are. If you make me squirt, I’ll even suck you off before I fuck you.”

“I thought I was fucking you?” Sunwoo cocks an eyebrow and you kiss your teeth. 

“Who says both can’t happen?” You retort, shifting your body until your dripping cunt is positioned right over his mouth. “Now get going before I change my mind and you have to fuck a pillow instead.”

Sunwoo wastes no time, his hands coming to grip your hips and pulling you down so you’re fully seated over his mouth. The motion earns him a quiet gasp, one of your hands coming to tangle in his messy hair and the other gripping your headboard. You’re more turned on than you’d let him believe, your cunt practically dripping into his open mouth, and Sunwoo’s body shudders at the familiar taste. You haven’t changed in the eight weeks it’s been since he left you, and neither has he. Truly he missed you, missed the way your body practically molded to his, missed the sounds you made, the way you spoke to him. Fuck, he felt like he was gonna burst in his pants if he wasn’t careful.

Your hips rock into his tongue, forcing the muscle to dip into you just a little more, dipping into your hole before swiping up to your clit. Sunwoo had, when you first started dating, developed this little pattern when he ate you out. He would drag his tongue as far down as he could, slowly work his way up until he found your clit, and would suck and lick and bite at the little nub until you were quivering and begging and soaking his face. He did this over and over, however this time it was different. He worked slowly, letting you work your hips over his face and letting you set the pace. His tongue laves over your clit with no sense of urgency, no hunger. His lips hardly move, but you can feel the way his breathing stutters and you can hear all of his little gasps and whines

Frankly, it pissed you off. 

You wanted him to try to take over. You wanted him to try to dominate you, to drive you wild, to rough you up like he always wanted. Here you were giving him free reign to do whatever he would like, and he’s not taking it. 

It’s not like him, and it pisses you off so you lift your hips off his face, rolling off his body until you’re sat next to him with a scowl permanently etched into your face. Sunwoo looks up at you, lips contorted into a pout and his eyes fully dazed with confusion. 

“Why’d you pull away?” His voice pitches into a whine, his hands reach to grab at your hips and pull you back over him.

“You’re a piece of shit, you know that?” You scoff, leaning back against your headboard and watching him rise onto his knees to look at you. 

“What the fuck are you talking about?” He leans toward you, hand resting on your thigh, and you smack it away.

“Don’t fucking touch me unless you’re gonna make it worth it for me!” You snap, beginning to slide off the bad. 

In that split second, it’s like something clicks in Sunwoo. His pout transforms into a smirk, his eyes glinting with something sly. He follows you off the bed, moving so fast that you could barely blink before you were pinned against your dresser, his hand on the back of your neck and the sound of his belt being undone fills your ears. 

“You’ve always been such a brat, haven’t you?” He leans in close, his lips brushing the skin between your shoulder blades. You struggle against him, pushing your hands against the dresser to force him back, but he’s stronger than you and forces you back down until you let your body become limp and pliant in his hold. “See? That wasn’t so hard, was it, baby?”

“Fuck you,” you writhe beneath him, the hand not holding you down sliding down your back and cupping your ass in his palm. “Let me go, Kim Sunwoo.”

He kisses his teeth, and you can practically hear the way he smiles smugly at you. “Is that really how you want to talk to me? After all, I’m practically in control of your pleasure here.”

“I can take care of myself just fine.” You retort and turn your head to attempt a glare in his direction.

“You and I both know that you don’t get nearly enough satisfaction without me,” Sunwoo purrs, squeezing the flesh of your ass in his large hand before slipping his fingers down to your sopping wet heat. “You never have.”

He’s right, but you’d rather take a lifetime of nearly worthless orgasms than admit it to his stupid face. Your eyelids flutter when his fingers dip into you, pushing at your pulsing walls and stretching out your cunt to his liking. It’s as if he knows you like the back of his hand. 

Scratch that.

Sunwoo does, annoyingly, know you like the back of his hand. Emotionally, physically, any way he could possibly learn. He knew that you loved how it felt when he bit down on the junction between your collarbone and your throat. He knew that you loved when he was rough with you— pulling your hair, spanking you, choking you, bruising your hips with his fingers. He practically marked it in his brain every little sweet spot you had. 

So yeah, when he plunges his fingers deep inside you and curls them towards your front wall, just brushing against that sweet spot inside of you and practically forcing a loud moan from your body, you’re a bit peeved. Your whole fucking plan going out the window because your loser of an ex-boyfriend just happens to know you better than you want him to. Why did you have to date him for so long?

“Fuck,” you hiss out and roll your hips back against his hand. “Fuck, Sunwoo, why are you so-o good with your hands?” You stutter, much to your own dismay, and he drops his head against your shoulder. 

“Taught only by the best, sweetheart.” His other hand swoops around your front, his index and middle fingers driving against your clit roughly until you’re squirming and crying for him, your head falling against the dresser and your legs threatening to collapse. Sunwoo pulls moan after moan, sob after sob, any noise he knows you can make. He pulls them all from within you until your throat is raw and threatening to crack. “Gonna cum? Gonna cum for your ex-boyfriend, Y/N? What a sick little girl you are— dripping all over my hands, moaning for the man who fucked your life up. Do you feel dirty? Do you know how filthy you are?”

You arch your back against him, tears springing to your eyes as he drives you closer and closer to an orgasm. 

“G-gonna cum, Sunwoo,” you gasp out, “fuck, gonna cum all over your hands like a dirty little slut!” 

Sunwoo stumbles over his movements for a second, only briefly surprised by your words before he’s picking the pace back up. “That’s right, beautiful. You’re a dirty little slut, huh? You’re my dirty little slut.”

Your walls tense around his fingers, so tight he can barely hold his pace, and your eyes squeeze shut. A sharp bite of pain fills your veins as you bite down on your lip, drawing a bit of blood as you try desperately to hold back the sounds that you know he’s trying to pull out of you. You fail, whining his name and reaching a hand back to tangle in his hair, yanking at the strands as you cum. Your walls flutter around his fingers, your cunt gushing with your slick and dripping down his hand. Sunwoo draws his fingers out of you, leaving you empty but not without the feeling of his other hand rubbing at your clit. The pleasure is overrun with overstimulation, an ache that turns your cries into quiet sobs.

“Sun-Sunwoo,” you plead, trying to pull yourself out of his grip. Unfortunately, you find yourself still trapped between his larger body and the wooden dresser. “Pl-please, ‘s too m-much!” 

“Oh, is it?” he coos in your ear, nipping lightly at the skin beneath it. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. Didn’t realize you wanted me to stop.” 

When he finishes his sentence he all but rips his hand away from you. Your body immediately falls slack, your arms barely having the strength to catch you as your ex-boyfriend pulls away and works at his belt. Sunwoo watches your trembling body, the smug glint in his eye returning.

“You’re an…an asshole.” Your teeth grit together as you stumble over to him, gripping his jaw in your hand and squeezing tightly. “A true asshole, Kim Sunwoo.” 

His body falls back, his hands going from his belt to your waist as you work at the button of his pants. “You love me, though.” 

You scoff, “you think I still love you?” 

His eyebrow quirks. “Don’t you? Why else would I be here, in your bed, on a random night months after we broke up.” Sunwoo lifts his hips as he speaks, allowing you to pull his clothing down just enough to get his rock-hard cock out. 

“Because I haven’t had a good fuck since we broke up,” you say simply, hissing as you sink down on him. You’d dated him for three years and even after all that time, the sting that came with fucking him never went away. “Shit, forgot how big you were.” 

His grip on your waist tightens, his jaw ticking as your hips meet his. “And I forgot how tight your little pussy was. Guess we’re both taking a little trip down— son of a bitch—” 

Sunwoo cuts himself off with a loud groan as you clench around him, lifting your hips slowly before dropping back down with a loud smack of skin against skin. 

“Were you saying something?” Your words come out breathy, a quiet whine following soon after as you begin to grind yourself down on Sunwoo’s cock. 

“You’re a fucking menace,” Sunwoo grunts, his eyes squeezing shut and his body going completely slack. His fingers slip from your waist, instead resting on the sides of your thighs. He lets you take control, lets you take as much as you want from him. “I missed you, missed your fucking cunt.” A tight squeeze against your skin before his jaw falls open and loud moans fill the air. You can’t bring yourself to laugh, your focus entirely on holding a steady pace and drawing the knot in your stomach back into place. The sting in your thighs is almost unbearable, almost too much for you, but you’d be damned if you didn’t finish what you started. 

Your hands find purchase on Sunwoo’s chest, your dark green nails digging into his chest and breaking the skin. Slowly, ever so slowly, you raise your hips again and let them fall. His tip punches into the sweetest spot inside of you, pushing against it over and over as you repeat your motions. You let your body sink forward, your chest against his and your faces mere centimeters away from each other. You’re so close that you can see the tiny beads of sweat beginning to form on his face, the way his eyelashes flutter. 

“Such a pretty boy, hm?” You murmur, dipping your head down and licking away a bead of sweat on his jawline. “So pretty, so good for me.” Your walls flutter again and Sunwoo wwhines, taking hold of your ass with both hands. 

“C-can’t—” Sunwoo gasps out, but his words become choked moans. “Fuck, you- you feel t-too good.” 

You laugh, sucking a hickey into his golden skin, biting at the purple mark when you’re finished. “Only the best for you, baby.” 

His hips begin to thrust into yours, his hands holding your body in place as he chases an orgasm that’s so close that he can practically taste it. You watch as his eyes roll back, your own drifting shut as you let pleasure overcome you again. He doesn’t stop, and you don’t want him to, even when liquid spurts out of you and coats his lower body, your sheets, and everything beneath the two of you. Even when his cum drips out of you in thick white globs and smears against your skin. He doesn’t stop until his hips are jerking and not a single drop of cum can be pulled from his cock. 

Your body is shaking, but you find enough strength to pull your body away from his, sinking to your knees in front of him. Sunwoo can barely lift his head to watch you, his hand lacing into your hair as you take his softening cock into your mouth and suck gently at it, moaning at the taste of your cum mixing together, You place your hands on both of his thighs, sucking and licking until there’s nothing left, leaving him half-hard and twitching in your mouth. 

“You’re fucking insatiable, sweetheart,” Sunwoo moans so prettily, trying to tug you off of him. You giggle, letting him pull you off but dropping your head to give his balls the same attention you’d given his cock. “Son of a— baby, baby wait—”

You pull off him when he says that, laying your cheek on his thigh and watch him try to catch his breath. His chest heaves, his grip on your hair tightening and loosening repeatedly in an attempt to ground himself. 

“Had enough?” Your lips press against his warm skin and he scoffs. 

“You’re terrible.”

“Mm…is that so?” you press another kiss and he sits up, sliding his hand from your hair to your chin and grabbing it between his thumb and pointer to pull you toward him. 

“I fucking love you.” The kiss he gives you is hot, wet, and messy. His tongue dips into your mouth pushing further and further until he’s practically in your throat before pulling back and staring down at you. “My little minx.”

You smile, eyes fluttering when he closes the gap between your mouths again. 

“What the fuck? Sunwoo stares at you from the couch cushion, eyes narrowed into a glare. “You’re— what the fuck?”

“I want you out of my apartment.” You shrug, crossing your arms as you sip at your coffee. “Simple as that.”

“But I—” he shakes his head, rubbing at his eyes as he tries to comprehend what you’re saying. “I thought that you— I thought we had a good time. I thought you…that you wanted me back. I don’t— I don’t understand.”

“You thought I wanted you back?” You scoff, lips twitching into a smirk. “What gave you that idea?”

“Maybe the fact that you said you did!”

You kiss your teeth and set your coffee down on the counter behind you. Sunwoo watches your every move, feet tapping against the carpet beneath him. 

“Sunwoo, do you know what my favorite kink is?”

“I don’t fucking know, somnophilia?” 

You can’t help but laugh at his response, tilting your head back and putting a hand on your chest. Sunwoo, however, isn’t laughing. He looks at you with confusion and anger, a mix of emotions you can relate to all too well. 

“You’re so funny, baby.” You’re close enough now that you’re able to sit beside him and let your hand tangle in his hair. You practically straddle him, one leg thrown across his lap and your lips sucking at his neck, adding to the…decorations you had left the night before. “But no, it’s not. Close!”

He leans into your touch, although it may be a bit reluctantly if the look on his face is anything to go off of. 

“What is it, then? Hm? What, do you have some sort of like, secret piss kink?” He pulls your face toward his, kissing you and almost making you doubt your decision. 

“Ew, Sunwoo,” you wrinkle your nose, scratching your nails lightly on the back of his neck and relishing in the goosebumps forming under your skin. “Karma. That’s my favorite kink.” 

“And why is that?” He noses at your jawline. “Why would you wish karma on me, hm? Don’t you like how I touch you?” You tilt your head back, humming as he mouths at your throat. 

“Of course I do,” you admit. “But I also have self-respect. And you fucked my sister.” He tenses, pulling back from you. 

“I thought you were over that?” 

“Why would I get over you fucking my sister?” you smack the back of his head and stand from the couch. “You’re a fucking idiot, Kim Sunwoo, and I truly hope I never see your face again.”

“You can’t be serious.” He’s standing too, reaching a hand toward you in a desperate attempt to get you to talk to him. “C’mon, baby. Isn’t this too much? We would be so happy together!”

“We tried that once before,” you push him back, forcing him closer to the door. “And it didn’t end well.”

“I made a mistake, so what?!” He snaps, almost dropping his shoes as you shove them into his arms. “I admit it! I was wrong! I shouldn’t have cheated on you. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

“I want you to get the fuck out of my apartment and never speak to me again, actually.” You open the door, waving your hand in a shooing motion. “Bye now!” 

He tries to speak again, but the door slamming in his face stops him. You breathe out a sigh of relief, leaning back against the cold metal, and close your eyes. 

“He took that shockingly well,” the door of Hyori’s room clicks shut as she steps into the living room, and you open your eyes to look at her. You smirk a bit, letting your body relax.

“I expected him to try fucking me again.”

“Honestly so did I,” she hands you the mug of coffee you’d set down and takes her seat on the couch. “Was it worth it?”

“Hm?” You tilt your head. 

“You know,” she waves her hand at the door. “That. Was fucking him and kicking him out really worth it?” 

You shrug. “Yeah, I think so. I mean, I at least got some good shit out of it.”

“A good fuck.” Hyori agrees.

“And some money.” You smile, that same smug smile that Sunwoo had been flashing you all night. It was almost uncanny, and you watch Hyori’s nose wrinkle.

“He paid you?”

“Ew, no, I realize that came out wrong.”

“Oh,” she sighs. “Thank god, I thought I would have to smack some sense into you and then take the money for myself.”

“No, never like that.” You shake your head and smile. “More like the money that was in his wallet.” 

Hyori barks out a laugh. “Yeah, right. You had the time to get the money from his wallet between everything that…that was happening…” she trails off, sinking back in her cushion as you pull a massive wad of cash and a credit card out of the drawer in the side table next to you. “Holy shit, how did you…how did he not notice?”

“I’m a very good distraction,” you shrug. 

“Why did you…why the fuck did you do that?” She’s appalled and, for the record, you completely understand why. However, you have a perfectly good reason.

You only shrug in response to her question. 

“Isn’t it obvious? Karma.”

© itsbeeble. do not steal, claim, or repost.

[belovedhoon]

hibiscus

pairing: renjun x f! reader fandom: nct dream

a/n: i've been working on this for so long...I started it at the beginning of Jan, but uni started and I was BUSY! but alas here is a new fic! i hope you guys enjoy! <3

wc: 5.8k words contains: boat crash, smut, fluff, angst (obvi) taglist: @shypen @st1llm0nster @squoxle

synopsis: to take a break from your stressful life as a journalist in seoul, you decide to go on a cruise to hawaii. but on your way to hawaii, the ship encounters a huge storm causing the boat to crash. you think for sure you’re dead but when you end up on a remote little island, you don’t know whether you are lucky or doomed. when you awaken on the island, you notice you’re not the only one to survive the shipwreck. that’s when you meet renjun, who appears to be handed the same fate as you. it’s up to just the two of you to survive, your survival and rescue depends on each other.

fic under cut >>>>>>>>

“Yes Mark, I’ll let you know when I arrive in Hawaii. I’ll be fine! I’ll talk to you soon.” You said to your brother on the phone, trying to ease his worries about you traveling to Hawaii alone, which wasn’t unusual for you, you were a journalist after all. “I love you too Minhyung, stop worrying so much! Bye!” You said pulling out his government name to stop him in his tracks from rambling again, before hanging up before he can try to convince you to get off the cruise ship. You chuckled shaking your head at your brother’s worried nature. It’s not like you haven’t traveled alone before, you’ve been all over the world, seeing as it is your job to travel and to report stories happening around the globe. ‘This is gonna be good for me, to travel with no worries of work, I haven’t done that in a long time.’ You thought to yourself, heading to your room on the ship. 

You scanned your key card to your room and walked inside taking in the surroundings. It was really fancy inside, not that you expected any different, you had splurged and purchased a nicer room, just because you thought you deserved it. You placed your suitcases on the ground by your giant poster bed and decided to shower before you went out to grab food and explore the ship. As you made your way to the deck, you heard a weird noise but brushed it off thinking it was just a normal mechanical noise from the ship. You continued further onto the deck looking out to the sea, and wow how beautiful but dangerous it was. You would soon realize just how dangerous the ocean was, you just didn’t know it yet. 

As you are walking around the deck, you feel the boat swaying more than you have felt it do so the entire time you were on it. You look up and notice the storm, realizing that must be why the ship is swaying so much. A slight worry goes through you but you bury it down with the thought that cruise ships encounter storms all the time, you were just being paranoid.

Then all of a sudden a huge wave hits the ship, jarring it so much that you tumble, a shriek leaving your mouth at the sudden movement. ‘Maybe I should head back to my room, I’ll be more at ease there.’ You thought to yourself. As you are starting to head back towards the inside of the ship, another bigger wave hits the ship causing the ship to jar violently. You turn around to look at the storm, just in time to see a catastrophic size wave heading towards the boat, but before you can run, move, or do anything, the wave hits, tossing you so hard that everything goes black.

You blink your eyes slowly, a pounding in your head as you finally open your eyes. When you do open your eyes all you see is brightness, thinking that you are for sure dead. Then your eyes adjust and you turn your head slightly to the side and realize you’re on sand. You turn to the other side and notice a body lying about 10 feet away from you. ‘Oh my god, what happened?’ You think to yourself, when everything comes rushing back to you and how the last thing you remember is being on the cruise ship and a giant wave coming towards the boat, and you being paralyzed in fear. 

You sit up slowly, the pounding in your head getting worse the more you move around, but you need to know where you are and if that person is dead… You get up slowly, your legs wobbly, like you’re a baby dear learning to walk and make your way to the body of what looks to be a man. As you approach the almost lifeless man, he shoots up and sputters out water, turning his head side to side frantically, causing you to jump back startled. 

“W-who are you?” The man asks, his voice raspy from the water that just came from his lungs. Your eyes widen and you stare at him for a second before you reply.

“I-I’m Y/N..” You say quietly, studying the man. The man mumbles something quietly and you think he says something along the lines of “Y/N…that’s a pretty name..” finding it odd that, that is the first thing he thinks in this situation but don’t question it. The man turns to look you in the eyes before looking you up and down as if he’s assessing your condition.

“Are you hurt…?” You trail off when you realize you don’t know his name. The man shakes his head, crossing his arms over his chest as he leans against the tree close by him. 

“I’m not hurt…just a little shaken up.” He replied, his tone almost nonchalant for the situation, his eyes still fixed on you. You too keep your eyes on him assessing him the same way he did you. 

“Oh um, that’s good I suppose…what’s your name?” You ask awkwardly, not really knowing what to do in this situation. He chuckles softly, the sound soothing, as if he were waiting for you to ask him his name the whole time. 

“My name is Renjun.” He said, his gaze still intense and unwavering. You nod, testing out his name, “Renjun”. He hums in response, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips as you say his name again in confirmation. 

“Well Renjun, do you have any idea where we are?” You ask him. He looks around the area, his expression serious as he takes in his surroundings. You do the same and notice that it appears that you are on some type of island. 

“Um no idea, it looks like we’re on some deserted island of some sort,” Renjun replied, his arms still crossed. How is he so calm about this? Must be in some sort of shock, because you felt like you were 2 seconds away from having a breakdown. 

“Yeah, it looks like it. What do we do? How do we leave?” You ask frantically. Renjun pushes off the tree and begins to walk around, inspecting the surroundings more closely. 

“I-I don’t know. We’re going to have to wait until rescue arrives or find a way to signal for help.” Renjun says his eyes scanning the shoreline and then the trees surrounding the back of you two. You follow behind him. 

“That’s a good idea…Should we…do you think we should try to find other people?” You say to him, which causes Renjun to stop in his tracks. He turns to look at you studying your face, not knowing how to say this without making you panic even more. 

“No, I don’t think there are any other people here. We’re on a deserted island remember?” He said his tones indicating that he thinks you should have realized that already. You scratch your neck sheepishly, feeling silly for asking that when it was clearly just you two present. 

“I suppose that was a dumb question. Sorry.” You say to him avoiding eye contact. Renjun lets out a soft chuckle, a hint of amusement in his eyes before he replies.

“No need to apologize. We’re both still disoriented from the crash.” Renjun says softly, his voice gentle as he approaches you. 

“I guess so…” You say as you take in your surroundings. “Should we find shelter? It looks like the sun is going to go down soon.” You finish. He nods his head in agreement, looking up at the sky.

“Yeah, we should find shelter before night falls. We don’t want to be caught in the dark without a place to stay.” Renjun says, scanning the area and searching for a suitable place to take cover. You nod your head, following after Renjun to find shelter. He leads you further into the woods on the island, looking for a spot that is both dry and safe. Finally, he spots a small cave, hidden among the trees.

“This should do.” He said, gesturing for you to follow him inside the cave. You follow him inside the caves entrance and the first thing you think is that it’s cold inside. 

“Okay…I don’t suppose you know how to start a fire do you?” You ask looking at him. Renjun just laughs before smirking, his eyes glinting with confidence. 

“Of course I do. I’m not completely useless you know.” He says, walking over to gather some dry wood and sticks from the ground. Your eyes widen at his words and you stumble over your words blushing.

“I-I didn’t think you were!” You say frantically. He glances back at you, a hint of a smile on his lips as he sees your flushed face. 

“Oh? But you’re flushed, are you sure you don’t think I’m useless?” He teases, continuing to gather the necessary materials for the fire. You sigh exasperated.

“I swear..I just know I don’t know how to. I’m a journalist for crying out loud. It’s not exactly in our job description” You say embarrassed. He just chuckles, shaking his head in amusement. 

“No need to explain yourself, I was just teasing you. Journalists have their own skills and starting a fire isn’t one of them I suppose which is okay.” He said stacking the gathered wood in a neat pile in the cave. You smile softly at his words and nod your head.

“Yeah…so what do you do for work Renjun?” You ask trying to make small talk. He glances at you as he begins to arrange the wood for the fire. 

“I’m a model.” He says casually, his eyes now back and focused on his task at hand. You process the information and your eyes widen at his revelation. 

“A model?! I didn’t know models needed to know how to start fires…” You mumble confused. Renjun huffs out a soft chuckle, amused by your reaction. 

“Well, we don’t usually have to start fires normally, but sometimes you need certain survival skills for…other things.” He said vaguely, a sly smile playing on his lips. You nod deep in thought.

“I see…” You say softly, watching Renjun so focused on trying to start the fire. “Is there anything I can at least do to help?” You ask, feeling bad, you aren’t doing anything. He looks up at you, his eyes meeting yours. 

“Actually, yes. There is something you can do to help.” Renjun said, gesturing for you to come closer. You nod getting closer to where Renjun is. 

“Okay! What do you need me to do?” You ask enthusiastically. Renjun grins, his eyes sparkling with mischief.

“Come here and light the fire!” He said, holding out the lighter to you. Your eyes sparkle in delight as you take the lighter from him, your hands barely brushing against each other and you spark the lighter. Renjun watches as you light the fire, a hint of admiration in his eyes.

“You did it. Good job Y/N.” he says, his voice filled with a mixture of pride and approval. You smile up at him.

“Thank you Renjun, I couldn’t have done it without you.” You say softly. Renjun smiles back at you, his gaze softening as he looks at you. 

“You’re welcome, but don’t forget, I did most of the work.” Renjun teased, sitting down beside the fire and patting the space next to him. A small smile tugs at your lips and you roll your eyes playfully.

“Right, right.” You say laughing at his gleeful expression. He laughs with you at your eye roll, clearly enjoying the banter between you two. 

“Come on, sit down, it’s getting dark, let’s rest.” He says gesturing for you to take the seat beside him once again. You nod and take the seat beside him. 

“So, what’s our plan for tomorrow?” You ask, shivering as a cold gust of wind rips through the cave. Renjun notices you shivering from the cold, wraps an arm around your shoulder, and pulls you closer to his warmth. 

“Tomorrow, we’ll need to scout the island for food and fresh water. And maybe we can try to find a way to signal for help. Renjun says, his voice low and steady. You nod your head in agreement.

“Do you…”you say hesitating, before whispering the next sentence as if someone or something else would hear you. “Do you think there’s a mountain lion or something that’s in the cave or close by?” You ask with unease. Renjun looks at you and then chuckles softly, his grip on you tightening slightly. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep you safe from any wild animals.” He said his voice firm and reassuring. “And I doubt there are any mountain lions on this island, it’s too small for that,” Renjun said softly. You nod your head slowly at his words, feeling more at ease. 

“Yeah…that makes sense. I guess I’m just a little paranoid.” You say to him. Renjun gives your shoulder a gentle reassuring squeeze, his expression softening. 

“That’s understandable to feel that way, considering our current situation. But I promise, I’ll keep an eye out for anything that might threaten us.” He said his eyes scanning the cave surroundings, the glow of the fire illuminating his stunning features. You thank him sincerely with a soft smile and then a small yawn. He notices your yawn and chuckles. “Looks like someone is tired,” Renjun says, his voice gentle as he pats your shoulder affectionately. You nod slowly.

“I can stay up and help keep watch though still.” You say, another yawn breaking through you. He shakes his head, telling you it’s fine and that you need the rest, that he’ll watch over you. You nod gratefully at his words. “Okay, thank you, Renjun.” You say lying your head on his shoulder and dozing off. Renjun smiles fondly as you rest your head on his shoulder, his hand gently rubbing your arm. 

“Sleep well, darling.” He whispers, watching over you protectively as you drift off to sleep.

You awoke the next morning disoriented. You look around to check your surroundings and notice that the jacket Renjun was wearing the previous day was draped on top of you. ‘Renjun…wait where is Renjun?’ you thought to yourself as you looked around searching for him but not seeing him anywhere. 

“Renjun…? Renjun! Where are you?” You yell out panicking. Renjun emerges through the cave opening, carrying a bundle of fruit and berries. Renjun looks at you and notices your panic.

“I’m here, I’m here! I just went to gather some food.” He says hearing the nervousness in your voice. Relief spreads over you as you let out a sigh of relief. 

“I was so worried Renjun! I’m glad you’re back.” You say quietly. Renjun chuckles as he approaches you, and sets the fruit down. 

“Don’t worry so much, I wasn’t and won’t leave you here alone here.” Renjun said his tone serious, before ruffling your hair playfully. You smile softly at his words. 

“Thank you, Renjun…what did you find?” You ask the man. Renjun sits down beside you, sorting through the fruits and berries he gathered. 

“A mix of mangoes, berries and some wild vegetables. Not the most exciting breakfast, but it’ll do.” Renjun said handing you a mango. You smile and accept the fruit.

“This is great! Thank you!” You say gratefully. Renjun smiles as you take the mango from him, his eye softening. 

“No need to thank me. I’m just glad we have something to eat.” He said, grabbing a berry for himself and popping it in his mouth. You smile and nod in agreement. Renjun smiles back at you, his eyes crinkling at the corners. 

“You look beautiful when you smile, you know that?” He said his voice soft and genuine. You look up at him surprised by his words, a soft blush on your face. 

“Oh, thank you Renjun, that’s sweet of you.” You say softly. He grins, clearly pleased with your reaction. You are both just looking at each other for a bit, enjoying the moment, when you remember the situation and look down sadly. 

“What are we gonna do? How are we going to leave? My brother is probably worried sick…” You say, your tone was solemn. Renjun notices the sadness in your expression and his smile falters slightly. He sighed, his expression becoming more serious as he thought about the situation you two were in. 

“I-I’m not sure yet…but we’ll figure it out. We’re both smart and resourceful. And I won’t give up until we find a way to leave the island.” He said sincerely, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. You look up at Renjun and nod. 

“I’m glad it was you I got stuck with.” You say sincerely. He smiles at your words, his eyes sparkling with affection. 

“Me too, I’m grateful it was you too, we make a good team don’t we?” Renjun said, gently tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. You smile agreeing with a cheery “We do!”

“Should we look around the island now?” You ask, with newfound vigor coursing through you. Renjun chuckles at your enthusiasm, his heart warming at your smile. 

“Absolutely. Let’s explore the island and see what we can find. Who knows, we might discover something to help us find a way to leave.” He said, standing up and offering you a hand to help you up. You take his hand, nodding in agreement. He pulls you up, firmly gripping your hand as you both stand. “Ready to go, partner?” Renjun asks, his eyes filled with a new determination. You grin and nod once again in agreement. 

“Let’s do this Junnie!” You say excitedly. He grins at the nickname, his heart fluttering at the sound of it. 

“That’s the spirit, darling.” He said, intertwining his fingers with yours, as you begin to walk. You smile softly, squeezing Renjun’s hand, thinking hopeful thoughts. Renjun squeezes back as if he can sense your positive thoughts. He can’t help but feel hopeful as well, feeling a newfound determination to find a way off the island with you by his side. As he thinks this he can’t help but also feel a twinge of sadness as he wonders what will happen once you off the island. Will you forget about him? Will you lose contact? He really hopes that's not the case. 

“What if we made a sign? Like we could put some giant rocks that say Help or something.” You suggest bringing Renjun out of his thoughts. He chuckles at your suggestion, nodding in agreement. 

“That’s not a bad idea at all. Let’s do it.” Renjun says in agreeance. You two look around for some large rocks that you could use. When you find them you arrange them in a way that spells out “HELP” large enough that it might attract attention from anyone that might be flying by. 

“That should do right?” You ask once you finish arranging the giant rocks. You look at your and Renjun’s accomplishments. Renjun steps back and admires the sign a satisfied smile on his face. 

“Yeah! It looks great. It’s definitely visible from a distance.” He says, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and pulling you into a hug. You grin, looking up at him hopeful, Rejun returns your smile, gently brushing a strand of stray hair out of your face.

“I have a good feeling about this Y/N, someone will see our sign and come to our rescue soon.” He says, his eyes filled with confidence and hopefulness. You nod with a small “I believe so too.” Renjun leans down and presses a gentle kiss to your forehead.

“That’s my girl, always stay optimistic.” He says, his hand moving to cup your cheek. You blush and look up at him, Renjun chuckles at your blush, finding it adorable. 

“You’re so cute, optimism looks good on you darling.” Renjun says, gently tracing his thumb over your cheekbone, as if in a trance. You give him a knowing look before you lean up and press a quick soft kiss to Renjun’s lips. Renjun is caught off guard by the sudden kiss, but quickly recovers and kisses you back, his grip on your waist tightening slightly, before pulling back after a moment, a playful glint in his eyes.

“You’re getting bold, now aren’t you?” He teases, his lips curling into a small smirk. You just smile cutely.

“You deserve it after all your hard work…and for you know…protecting me.” You say bashfully. He laughs softly, his heart melting at your words. 

“Oh? You’re just trying to butter me up, aren’t you?” He says pretending to be annoyed but failing to hide his amusement. “I won’t deny it’s working!” He says again. 

“It’s just the truth Junnie!” You say smiling playfully, pushing his chest. You look up at the sky and see it’s getting dark again. “Look it’s getting dark again, should we head back to camp?” You ask when you notice the sun going down. Renjun glances up at your words and nods his head in agreement. He reluctantly releases his hold on you, before taking your hand in his leading you back to the makeshift camp you have set up, guiding you through the darkening forest with ease. When you get back to the camp, you stow the fire making it big enough to keep you two warm throughout the night. Renjun watches as you tend to the fire, appreciating your resourcefulness. He helps you gather more firewood and sets up a comfortable spot for you both to rest for the night. You lie down by the fire to gather warmth, before gesturing for Renjun to come to where you are lying down. 

“Come, it’s particularly colder tonight.” You say softly. Renjun nods at your invitation and joins you by the fire, sitting down beside you and pulling you into his lap. 

“You’re right, it’s cold tonight. But we should be able to keep warm with the fire and each other’s body heat.” Renjun says, wrapping his arms around you and holding you close to his chest. You smile appreciative of Renjun’s warmth and kindness. He rests his chin on your head, enjoying the feeling of having you in his arms. He gently runs his fingers through your hair, feeling content and protective of you. You both fall asleep this way, with you held tight in Renjun’s embrace. 

You awake the next morning to the sound of Renjun hitting a coconut. You rub your eyes sleepily, before getting up and walking over to where Renjun is opening the coconut. You lean against the tree next to where he’s struggling to get the fruit to open. 

“Any luck?” You ask with a playful grin. Renjun scoffs and blows his bangs out of his eyes. He looks up at you and shakes his head clearly upset at the fact the fruit is so hard to open. You gesture to the fruit asking if you could try. He steps away to let you try. You look around and spot a sharp-looking rock and beat it against the coconut, it takes a few tries but the fruit finally starts to split enough so that you can use your hands to open it fully. Renjuns eyes widen and he laughs in disbelief. 

“What the–” He starts but stops and laughs again amazed at you.  “What would I do without you?” He says to you. You just grin and shake your head. 

“Well you wouldn’t open coconuts, that's for sure!” You say playfully. Renjun just scoffs playfully and takes the piece of fruit you hand to him. 

“Well then good thing you’re here right?” Renjun says teasingly. “No, but seriously, I’m glad you’re here…” He says his tone genuine. You grin at him.

“I’m glad you’re here too!” You say just as genuine. He smiles and nods.

“Good, because you’re stuck with me darling,” Renjun said playfully. You laugh at that.

“Well, I guess you’re right.” Renjun smiles at your laughter, loving the sound. 

“Damn right, I’m right. You can’t get rid of me that easy,” he said. You snorted at his words.

“I can’t get rid of you, even if I wanted to…but good thing I don’t want to get rid of you.” You say teasing him. Renjun realizes what he said and blushes at his ignorance, choosing to ignore that and steps closer to where you're still standing up against the tree. You grin up at him and hug him to let him know you were just messing with him. Renjun hugs you back, nuzzles his face into your hair, and lets out a low chuckle. 

“I knew you couldn’t resist me.” Renjun lets out. You let out a noise of surprise, not expecting him to say that. You swallow thickly. Before responding shyly. 

“You’re right…it’s becoming harder to resist you Renjun.” You say softly. Renjun pulls away a bit and smirks at your admission, a sense of satisfaction washing over him. He then steps closer to you, closing the distance between you two until you’re mere inches apart from the other. 

“Is that so? I never thought you’d admit to wanting me darling.” Renjun says gently, yet with a hint of lust in his voice. You sigh looking away from him.

“It’s not that I didn’t want to admit that I want you…It’s just that I feel guilty because of the fact I shouldn’t be thinking about things like that when we are trapped here.” You admit to him quietly. Renjun tilts your chin up, forcing you to meet his gaze. 

“Guilt? Sweetheart, you shouldn’t feel guilty for being human. And in case you haven’t noticed…we have nothing better to do other than wait.” He says his fingers tracing patterns on your skin, his touch sending sparks down your spine. You gaze into his eyes and nod hesitantly in agreement, letting out a small “You’re right.” Renjun steps even closer if possible, your bodies now flush against each other. His eyes never leave yours as he whispers to you in a low sultry tone. 

“So stop holding back, princess. Let go and give in to what you really want.” Renjun says barely above a whisper. You nod slowly and lean into him for a soft kiss. Renjun returns the kiss, his hands moving to your waist, pulling you impossibly closer. The kiss is slow and tender, yet it holds a promise of something more. He deepens the kiss, parting your lips with his tongue, tasting you as if you’re the only thing that can satisfy his thirst. You moan into the kiss, leaning deeper into Renjun. Renjun groans as he can feel your body melting against his own. Your moans drive him crazy as he grips your hips, holding you still as he takes control of the kiss, claiming your mouth with a possessive hunger. 

“Renjun…I don’t want to lie to myself anymore. I want you.” You say against his lips. Renjun pulls back slightly, his breathing ragged as he looks at you with a mixture of desire and satisfaction. 

“Then you won’t have to lie anymore, darling. I’m all yours…” Renjun says his voice husky with need. You smile and kiss Renjun again, this time the kiss is more needy. He responds to your neediness with equal fervor, his hands roaming over your body as your tongues tangle together. Renjun backs you up against the tree you were once just standing against and pins you up against it as he presses his body against yours, desperate to feel every inch of you. You moan in surprise at his sudden dominance and then begin to unbutton Renjun’s shirt slowly all while kissing him deeply. He lets out a low groan as you unbutton his shirt, the feeling of your touch igniting a fire within him. He breaks the kiss to nip at your neck, his breath hot against your skin.

“You’re playing a dangerous game, sweetheart,” Renjun says gruffly. You just smirk up at him.

“I know what I’m doing Jun.” You say sultrily. He just chuckles against your neck, nipping at your earlobe.

“Is that so? Then I guess it’s time for me to take control.” He says as he spins you around and presses your front against the tree as he leans in close, his chest against your back.  You moan in surprise at his sudden roughness. 

“Oh? Show me your best then Renjun.” You say smugly. He just smirks against your shoulder, his hands gripping your hips possessively. 

“With pleasure.” He responds before he begins to trail kisses down your neck, nibbling and sucking at your sensitive skin. Renjun’s hands slide under your shirt, his fingers tracing patterns on your stomach. You whine softly at the feeling telling him not to tease. He smirks at your whiney voice, enjoying the effect he has on you. 

“I can’t help it…You’re just too cute when you whine like that. He says as he continues to tease you, his hands dancing along the waistband of your pants. You sigh in disdain before grabbing Renjun’s hand and guiding it inside your pants.

“I said don’t tease Jun.” You moan out. Renjun’s breath hitches as you guide his hand, his smirk turning into a full-blown grin. Renjun lets out a growl as he can feel the heat emanating from your body. 

“Someone’s eager,” Renjun whispers, his fingers tracing along your inner thigh, deliberately avoiding where you want him to touch you. You roll your eyes playfully. 

“And you’re not? I can feel how hard you are Renjun.” He just chuckles and nibbles your earlobe again. 

“Oh trust me.” He whispers. “I am very hard, but making you squirm first is much more fun.” He says again as he nuzzles your neck, his breath hot against your skin. He slowly moves his hand closer to where you need him most but not quite there yet, so you take the initiative and guide his hand even further into your pants to cup your center. Renjun’s hand finally moves to where you need it most and he cups you through your underwear, he lets out a low groan when he feels how wet you are. 

“You’re so wet for me already pretty girl.” Renjun all but moans out. You nod with a smirk.

“Mhm…now do something about it?” You ask seductively. Renjun can’t help but chuckle at your audacity but lets his hand start to slowly rub you through the wet fabric of your lace panties. 

“So demanding. You really want it that badly, huh?” He asks. You nod eagerly letting out a whiney “You know I do Jun,” He hums, his fingers slipping past the waistband of the lace, finally making contact with your bare skin. You moan at the feeling. He groans at your moan, enjoying the effect he has on you. His fingers begin to move in slow circles, teasing your sensitive nub. You squirm as he increases the pace of his fingers rubbing you slightly as you can’t help but let out soft moans at the feeling of his fingers rubbing you so deliciously. He chuckles, loving the sounds you’re making for him so prettily. He moves his other hand to grip your hip to hold you in place as he starts to work you closer to the edge.

“You’re so responsive…I love it.” Renjun groans out. You just whimper asking for his fingers. He teases you a bit more before finally giving in to your pleas, slowly sliding a finger inside you. You moan loudly in response. Renjun lets out a growl as he feels your walls clench around his finger. 

“So tight and wet…You’re doing so good for me darling.” Renjun praises you. You groan and yelp out that you ‘need more,’ Renjun adds another finger, curling them up to hit that sweet spot inside you. 

“Is that what you wanted? What you needed princess?” Renjun lets out deeply. You whine at his deep tone.

“Please Jun…I want your cock…please!” You all but whimper out. He smirks, his eyes darkening at your words.

“You’re a greedy little thing, aren’t you?” Renjun teases out, quickening his pace. You yelp out a ‘please’. Renjun can’t resist your begging much more and so he pulls his fingers out of you to unbutton his pants and pull out his long slender cock. He places the tip of his cock at your entrance before slowly pushing into you, savoring the feeling of you taking him so nicely. He moans as he bottoms out, resting his forehead against your shoulder. 

“You feel so good…you’re taking me so well,” Renjun says breathlessly. You just moan, not being able to form words other than “so deep” Renjun grips your hips tightly, trying to keep his control as he starts to move slowly, pulling out almost all the way before thrusting back in. 

“You’re so tight, I could stay buried inside you forever.” Renjun groans out. You moan clenching around him as you feel your high quickly approaching. Renjun can sense your high coming soon so he speeds up his thrusts, one of his hands reaching around to rub your clit.

“Go ahead, cum for me princess,” Renjun says gruffly. You scream out a quick “cumming” as you clench around Renjun’s cock so tightly. Renjun groans as you clench around him, your walls fluttering as you cum. He thrusts a few more times before he follows you over the edge, spilling inside you with a low moan of your name. 

As you both come down from your highs, Renjun spins you around and kisses you gently. You two get cleaned up and sit back down by the fire reaching for the forgotten coconut fruit and munching on it. As you eat the fruit you look up and out to the shoreline and see a boat heading toward the island you are on. You jump up and shake Renjun pointing towards the boat in excitement. Renjun sees the boat and the two of you look at each other before grabbing one another’s hand and rushing towards the shore so you can wave down the boat. 

As the boat stops a few feet away you hug Renjun close to you before you both swim out in the water to get on the boat. The people on board are hurling questions at the both of you but at that moment you can’t help but hold Renjun and sob. You two did it, you survived the island together, and now you two will go home together. You don’t know what the future holds for you and Renjun but you do know that he will forever be a part of your life.

[muffinsin]

Hiya, I'm new to the blog but I've loved everything I've read so far! I was wondering if I could request the Dimitrescu daughters (separately) getting saved by a maiden that they thought hated them? Like, maybe a hunter breaks in + smashes a window and the maiden literally carries (or drags) the daughter to safety and refuses to leave their side until they've warmed up.

Maybe the maiden never actually hated the daughters (like a miscommunication/the maiden having a difficult to read expression), or maybe they stopped hating the Dimitrescus a while ago but nobody noticed? Idk, it's up to you, I just think you'd have a fun take on it :3

I went through the anon lists and hopefully I didn't miss any, so if possible can I be sleepy anon? Please and thank you, and have a great day/week!

Hi :)! I’m happy to hear ya like my works :)🙌 Honestly what a cute prompt!

Let’s get into it :) anon name is all yours🙌

Masterlists

Bela

Bela is, a mystery to you

To her, you seem like an enemy. A staff member, yet with a deep hatred towards her

Perhaps, if you weren’t so pretty and cute, perhaps if she didn’t like you in some strange way she is too proud to voice, you would’ve ended up in the basement already

Alas, Bela keeps you safe and only puts you in your place when your work isn’t done properly. She thinks you should consider yourself, lucky

To you, she seems like an uptight boss bent on punishing you for every little mistake

You wonder, what have you done for her to be this obsessed?

She notices every little mistake you make

A true perfectionist, you realize soon enough, and it bothers you to no end

But, unlike her interpretation of you, you don’t hate her. You don’t even really dislike her

She’s just..uptight, a little bitchy, yes. But she’s smart, you’ve come to notice, and quite obviously she is breathtakingly beautiful

Perhaps, if both of your false views and interpretations of one another were out the way, you’d have talked sooner

You would have liked to start a conversation with the supposedly dangerously intelligent and cold eldest daughter of Alcina Dimitrescu

Bela, on the other hand, would have liked getting to know you sooner

Still, she only ever sees false hatred in your eyes that is truly mere curiosity

She has never been all that good at reading people’s emotions

Their intentions? Yes, their facial features? Yes. But still, her books cannot teach her to fully understand humans, people, it seems

It’s a fatal misunderstanding on both your parts, one that this day will clear up, it seems

The day, while not being an ordinary one at all, is not all that unusual to Bela. An uprising, again, though somewhat cute in numbers

Four maidens. Bold, or perhaps only desperate enough, to dare fight back

It’s a pointless fight, a squabble she doesn’t even bother notifying her sisters about

Even with the many knives and utensils scattered around them in the kitchen, the fight seems pointless

That is, until Bela easily dodges a pot that smashes into the fragile window behind her

Immediately, she screams in pain at the cold air rushing in

The three remaining troublemakers spot their opportunity instantly, so it takes less than seconds for the other kitchen windows to be shattered

Bela grits her teeth, one arm wrapped around her protectively, her other hand clutching her sickle

She refuses to tell her sisters. Refuses to allow Mother to hear of this. She can do this! She can’t cause her family trouble. Cassandra would have never let this go on. Daniela would have killed them in seconds. Bela should have never let it come this far, should have prevented the window from breaking..

Throwing herself back into her battle, she strikes one down, but pays the bitter price when two steak knives are sliced and thrust into her thighs

Immediately, she falls, her blood gushing, her limbs aching and as if on fire. The cold immediately finds the large gashes and digs through. The blades of the knives seem icy cold like the terrain outside

She manages to knock one down with her, but as the back of her hooded head hits the windowsill, her vision begins to blur

One more

She tries to call out for Cassandra, hoping, pleading, Mother will hear nothing of this

To her surprise and horror, she finds she can’t reach her sister, too far away for her weakened swarm to detect

She grasps for her weapon, but can’t detect it. Was it lost when she fell? She can’t remember, but tastes her own, foul blood in her mouth

With difficulty, she sees the maiden’s lips moving. She can’t make out what she’s saying, but her expression enough is sufficient to allow her to assume it must be some kind of insult

Pride, cockiness, a human’s downfall

She watches as, seemingly out of nowhere, you stand behind her, bringing Bela’s abandoned sickle down at her neck

It’s messy, and rough, but enough for the woman to drop her weapon and scream. Enough to fall to her knees and enough for Bela to finish her off

Golden, unfocused eyes meet yours. She looks unsure. Worried. Confused. Cold. Hurt. Scared

Never did you think Bela Dimitrescu would feel such things. Never did you think you would truly see a glimpse of humanity in her

But, you have…

You have seen her eyes squint when she laughs with her sisters, seen the faintest hint of a blush and happiness hidden beneath pride when being praised by her mother. You have seen her playful annoyance aimed at her youngest sister

When you close in on her, her first instinct is to lean in. Then, nearly within that same moment, she snarls and pushes herself harder against the cold wall

You hate her. She has no reason to believe you are not part of this attack, or at the very least are now that her weakness is so pathetically displayed

But you don’t approach predatorily

With your hands raised, you gently move closer to her

She watches you closely, her golden eyes watchful even as her body trembles

Slowly, you unwrap the sleeping robe from around you. Is it this late already? Bela hadn’t noticed

The material is thin, but the action shows your intentions nonetheless, and so she allows you to lean into her personal space

A small, quiet gasp passes her lips when you pick her up. Automatically, she sets her hands on your shoulders and wraps the robe tighter around herself

With her vision blurry and the foul taste in her mouth, her bloodied, non functioning legs and aching arms, she doesn’t protest when you keep holding her up and close to you

Your warmth is…comforting

Bela winces a little. She doesn’t want to look up at you, doesn’t want to ruin this perfect moment

After all, when she does look up, what will she see? Hatred? Annoyance? Cockiness?

You pass the fireplace, walk up the stairs

She clings tighter to you, but there are no others in the hallway

All staff members know better than to leave their rooms at nighttime, and even more so in winter, when it is known the residents of castle Dimitrescu are more on edge and easier to irritate

After a little while she notices where you’re taking her- her own room, her safe harbour

She extends an aching arm and closes her fingers around the door knob, helping you open the way inside

She wonders; have you ever been in here? What do you think?

Despite her annoyance, Bela manages to bite down a curse when her cheeks heat up a little

Secretly, perhaps, she wants you to like her room

And like it you do

Bela is every bit the perfectionist you knew she is

But, there is beauty in this

Her shelves are organized neatly. The books placed in them tell you the woman in your arms is fond of just about everything

Information and documentaries of a vast range of topics can be found, from hobbies to animals, to biomes, to sciences

Her bed is made and her nightstand is nearly empty, save for the storybook placed on it

It isn’t opened and sports no mark or so

You assume she hasn’t touched it in a while, but somehow, you correctly guess that it’s meant for the few times her sisters sneak into her room and the story calms their anxious minds

When Bela looks up at you eventually, she gasps quietly at the softness found in your eyes

She stays quiet as you set her down on the bed, doesn’t even wince when you brush aside her hair to have a look at the nasty cut on her head

With the heat of the room, the wounds begin healing slowly

And still, you fuss over her

She hopes you don’t take notice of her dusty pink cheeks and wide eyes when you press your sleeve to her forehead

Your subtle smile tells her differently

Cassandra

She hates you, you’re sure of it

And you hate her, she’s sure

After all, why else would she dump dead, stinking deer in front of your room every single morning?!

Why else would she do this to you and no one else!

Why is she tormenting you? What have you done to her!

After all, why else would you dispose of her beautiful gifts every single morning?

You must hate her!

She feels stupid for gifting you her finest meat every day, but can’t stop, either

Perhaps she can yet woo you, after all

But you dump it off to the kitchens every time! Not even back to her! The kitchens! For common staff!

You must hate her…!

When you pass her in the halls, you do your best to avoid eye contact. Were you looking at her, you would notice her doing the exact same thing

Despite her hatred for you, you are curious about her

She’s beautiful, there’s no question there

With chocolate-coal-brown hair that easily falls down at her shoulders, sometimes curled, at other times straightened, her golden eyes you only sometimes dare gaze upon

She has one lazy eye, and you find it’s the cutest thing in the world. Her features are stunning and you regularly fight yourself to avoid staring at her

At night, at times, you can’t help but wonder what this beauty of a woman would be like curled against you

Her pale, snow-white skin pressed against yours, her face tucked away by your neck, your arms tight around her

Sometimes, you bitterly remind yourself; she would strike. Bite down at your jugular with all her might and drain the life from you

But, perhaps even happily so, you would allow her to

Despite her hatred of you, she has you wrapped around her finger

Despite your hatred of her, you have her wrapped around your finger

A raid at the castle marks the time both your lives are about to change

Raids are, by all means, hardly unusual

While they aren’t everyday happenings, all residents and staff of the castle, even the villagers, know of the foolish men and sometimes women attempting to break into the castle every few weeks or months or so

None are successful, but it seems this never dampens their spirit

But, there is protocol

And so you find yourself hiding in the only room closest to you at the beginning of the raid: the armory

The very armory occupied by Cassandra Dimitrescu

You know protocol, you know to hide in the nearest room, lock it even, and wait it out. Protocol never mentions the case being in which a Dimitrescu sister is near

You hold your breath, but it’s no use. She notices you immediately, and given the current raid at the castle you ought to be happy she doesn’t automatically strike you down

Instead, she holds your gaze for a moment. Your eyes meet a dark gold, more beautiful than anything you have ever seen before

You don’t notice you’re holding your breath until she stretches her arm out, her gloved fingertips pointing towards the back of the room

You understand instantly. A hiding spot, as instructed. Of course

Even as you slide between and behind the large barrels, hide behind the suits of armor standing at the back, you can’t help but keep your eyes lingering on her

Her back is smooth, her hips surprisingly slim

She looks regal, yet lethal in the way her fingers twitch and she grasps the weapon tighter every few seconds

Soon after you’ve slipped into your hiding place and Cassandra started sharpening her weapon- you briefly wonder why it is she stays with you, rather than throw herself into the sure fight happening somewhere in the castle- when you begin hearing shouts ahead

Then, you see them, two men, as they burst into the armory

They’re broad shouldered and sport brown hair and a brown, stubby beard. Thick noses and burst lips adorn their faces. They’re twins, and judged by their clothing, hunters stemming from the village

You hold your breath and shrink against the suits of armor and barrels surrounding you

They sneer at Cassandra, their weapons- two machetes, one each, drawn. They’re wholly focused on her

If they’ve seen you, they pay you no mind at all

Cassandra doesn’t wait for one of them to attack. Instead, you watch as she throws herself into battle

Swarming halfway and masterfully avoiding all incoming attacks from the two intruders, she catches one’s neck with the end of her sickle and reaps chunks of the other man’s clothing and skin from his ribs

You watch as blood forms and drops fast. The man splutters uselessly, stumbling back while the other, though injured, tries to fight back

It becomes clear to you now, why Cassandra is known as the best huntress at castle Dimitrescu

Despite her impressive display, your eyes press shut when the injured man stumbles in your direction

Again, he doesn’t seem to take notice of you, and yet you don’t dare move

Then, a loud bang forces your eyes open and a scream from your lungs

But you are not the only one screaming, and so you are lucky enough to be unnoticed again, for…

Cassandra’s scream was the one outweighing yours, you realise

The woman screams and shakes, her hood torn off to reveal teary eyes and her beautiful, pale skin breaking off slightly

Behind her, you notice the crack in the wall now a large gap. It must have been caused by the explosion you’ve heard

She’s still fighting strong, having finished the already weakened man bleeding out near you

Still, you grit your teeth and watch with wide eyes as the machete of the other connects with her arm. At first, she howls in pain, the noise so desperate and pure you almost cry

Then, the limb falls. You watch as it falls from her and breaks off into what must be hundreds of little flies that curl in on themself as the cold wind touches them

You grit your teeth when the woman stumbles backwards, her back dangerously close to the large gap in the wall. If she was to fall…

The man seems to have the same idea, pushing and swinging his machete around like a madman trying to make her back up into the gap

You decide you can’t bear to stand idle while her fate may be sealed

Slithering from behind the armor and barrels, you yank the other machete from the dead man’s tight grip

In a smooth, albeit difficult swing, the sharp blade meant for monsters connects with the man’s exposed neck, just where Cassandra struck him before

His head tips to the side as he collapses, and you drop the weapon immediately

Cassandra groans and growls madly as you near yourself and push her weak arm wielding the sickle aside

She reminds you a little of an animal with rabies, the way she shakes and growls, and you hope you don’t pay the bitter price for your care

Still, you wrap your arm around her slim hips and pull her towards you, wary of the large piece of broken off wall behind her

She doesn’t fight you, merely keeps on growling and- crying? You can’t be too sure. You didn’t take her for one to cry, but then again, you wince when you nearly step on what used to be her arm

Carefully, you scoop the unmoving flies from the floor and into your pocket

The woman is clearly out of it, her lips parted and sharp, fang-like teeth on display as she snarls and growls over and over again, her screams quiet, but almost banshee like in their shrill tone

You wonder; is she trying to reach her sisters with it? If she is, it’s entirely too quiet and weak of a scream, you decide

You take another gamble and hook your free hand under her legs, promptly lifting the woman into your arms

Again, she snarls and shakes, but makes no move to attack you

That is, if you don’t count her sharp, bloodied nails of her remaining hand digging into your shoulder

And still, you can’t bring yourself to believe this is meant to be an attack

You carry her out the library and the only place you know to be warm; the kitchens near the grand dining room

Cassandra relaxes significantly as you move her to the room, the warm fires and steam warming her sore body

Still, you don’t dare let go of her

When you hold your breath, you realise; she’s almost..purring? That can’t be right

The next thing you realise are the flies, previously unmoving, buzzing in your pocket

You set the woman down on a clear part of the table and retrieve one of them, smiling as it buzzes in your hand

You place a gentle kiss to it, not unaware of the small gasp coming from Cassandra, and release it. Immediately, it returns to the stump where her arm used to be

You repeat the process, kissing flies as they return to her

Cassandra’s thankful for the cold still in her body, for it’s at the very least suppressing her growing blush

You feel her lean against you and cant help but wonder;

Perhaps, she doesn’t hate you

Maybe, you don’t hate her

Daniela

Daniela is almost 100% sure you hate her

You never react to her sly smirks, her cute giggles, the sweet hand resting on your shoulder!

She has tried flirting with you for ages, and nothing!

You’re never rude to her, actually- you’re very kind to her!

You always bring her a flower when your work in the gardens is done

You always braid her hair for her and brush it out after

You make sure her room is clean and her bath is full of bubbles and delicious scents

You always smile when you see her

So why haven’t you kissed her yet!

She doesn’t understand

She’s thrown you so many signs! All she could. But you haven’t acted on a single one

She thinks, you must hate her

And you?

You’re a little…clueless

You like her, so very much

You lie awake at night, your mind occupied by the beautiful, auburn haired woman that regularly visits your dreams and thoughts alike

Sometimes, you dare dream

Could she be yours?

Could you make her happy?

Could she want you?

But is she not with others? So many stare when she passes, you hear the hushed voices either insulting, or praising her

She’s a goddess residing in this castle; what chance have you got?

You try to be close to her, yet never too close

You don’t want to disrespect her, never

You care far too much about her for such a thing

Then, one day, there is an attack

Lycans, they say, a stray pack headed from the village and led by their prey directly to the castle

Of course, the staff is immediately brought and locked away for safety

You are less lucky, having insisted the day prior you’d like to clean out the library

After all, this is where Daniela is known to spend her days…

Now, separated from the other staff members, you have little choice but to stay put

You try your best not to glance at Daniela, who stands with her sickle held tightly. She too heard the alarms, it seems

You grip the fire poker, your eyes still trained on the floor

You wonder; if you looked at her, could you ever advert your eyes again?

It seems, there is little to no time for you to dwell on this thought, for a loud bang and a snarl is all you hear when the door to the library is ripped from its hinges and a furry snout peaks through

Before you have time to react, Daniela grips the lycan already

You watch as she works, no, plays with the wild animal

She spins it and giggles, grips and yanks, breaks and slices

The beast only snarls at her, yet can’t even hope to land even a single claw on her

All goes well, you don’t even think you need to make use of your improvised weapon

Even the snarls and screams from the outside dull. They’re retreating, it seems

Then, however, a gasp is ripped from you when the beast pushes against you. Whether it did it on purpose or was knocked against you, you can’t tell, but you do realise one thing; you’re falling

Hoping to catch yourself, you reach out to grab all within reach

Only, unfortunately, is that a lever

In the next second you feel icy cold wind come down at you and hear the piercing scream of the auburn haired woman next to you

Your hand stretches out, your lips parting as you scream a warning that comes too late

She’s knocked back by the force of the lycan’s gigantic paw swiping at her, thick claws dragging through her dress and soft, pale skin

You feel ill as blood pools at her stomach and the sickle falls from her

She kicks the animal away, yet it looks, and sounds, as though each move only pains her so much more

You realise your own mistake fast and quickly work on shutting the windows again, her scream and your own blood pumping loudly urging you to work faster, faster, faster

When you look to the side, she’s barely sitting up, her bloodied hands and arms desperately shielding herself against the creature

You don’t think, can’t think, won’t take the time to think now

With the fire poker gripped tightly in your hand, you charge

You scream, and it’s met with a pained howl

Thankfully, Daniela must have injured the creature enough for a simple, powerful strike to its heart to finish it off

And still, you feel your uniform slip from you and the nasty, aching pain of the large slashes made at your back

You grit your teeth, ignoring the mark the creature has left on you even as its foulness enters your body

You turn Daniela to find her bloodied and shivering, her flies dropping, her skin seemingly switching between breaking and healing itself

Again, you don’t dare waste time

She watches you through a blurry haze as you wrap your arms around her. She almost tastes your scent

It takes everything not to taste you

She feels her wounds, the pain she has almost forgotten all about. What is pain? This is a nasty reminder

Next she’s lifted to you, her fingertips and face nuzzling your warm skin

You feel her move to you, as close as she could, and all but grant her this

You know now what happened, what you have caused her

And you’re set to fix it. You won’t allow a stupid mistake, an accident, to be it for her

Daniela shivers still as you pick her off the floor and rush through the halls

Yet, all she feels is you. Your warmth. Your heartbeat, loud and close against her ear. She loves every moment of it

She isn’t sure where you bring her at first, until she finds herself set on her bed

When did she get here? She can’t tell. Black dots appear in her vision and her stomach feels slick with blood even as it starts closing up again

You gently cup her cheek, your eyes, so beautiful and worried, checking her over

You notice the little cuts on her face heal and shut nearly instantly, whereas bruises caused by the cold wind stay stubbornly in place

Perhaps, if the cold hurts the woman, the heat could help her, you figure

Daniela whines when you move from her and for a moment you feel your cheeks heat up. Her fingers entangled with yours, her golden eyes wide and hopeful

She doesn’t want you to go. Not now. Even if you hate her

And really?

Neither do you

You only wish to hold her close, to protect the precious creature held so close to you

You wish to cup her face and stroke the soft fingers holding onto yours so sweetly

You want nothing but to nurse her back to health, to know her, really know her

To be here

To make her yours

You watch, the truth laid bare in her eyes. No flirty smiles you don’t understand, no hidden meanings behind words you can’t understand

Her feelings, exposed and shown to you in her bright, golden eyes

You lean down as gentle as you can, and even more so, you press your lips to the flower tattoo adorning her forehead

“I’ll draw you a bath, it will warm you up”, you whisper. Then, you promise:

“I’ll return, iubita mea”

[samwhump]

a (very inexhaustive, wincest-heavy) sam whump reclist

@transfemmesam asked me for Sam whump recs a few days ago, and I've had other requests in the same vein before (I can't imagine why.../s) so I thought I would throw this together, since these authors deserve all of the love and support for their contributions to our li'l fandom corner.

like I mentioned in the title, this is not at all a comprehensive list; I have at least ~200 more fics in my to-read queue that could thematically fit here, but alas, I have stupid shit like a job and a body and a dog to take care of, so. I'm always happy to get recs along these lines, so if you notice anything important missing, hit me UP. (and don't take any omissions as any specific commentary by me -- it's likely I just haven't had the chance to read it yet, haha.)

disclaimers:

some (most, honestly) of these contain potentially triggering and dark content, including but not limited to rape/noncon, torture, and suicidal attempts & ideation. I have tried to note content warnings where applicable, and most of the works are hosted on ao3, so the tags should have most of the information you need to make an informed decision. that being said, tread with caution. all of the summaries provided are from the original author, with warnings added after by me.

the list is in alphabetical order and separated into wincest and gen categories. a lot of the gen is also focused on the sam & dean relationship, because...I am what I am. and what I am a sucker for these two dipshits. there is also a brief section at the end with a few fics that don't fit into either category.

gen

All That Goes Unspoken by amnesiawife:

A case forces Sam to confront something long kept buried. (Set nebulously in season 12.)

CW: discussions of past rape/noncon, victim blaming

Beneath the Trees 'verse by Lise (5 works total, starting with Beneath the Trees, Where Nobody Sees):

Sam doesn't go to Stanford. Everything goes downhill from there.

CW: suicidal ideation

a boy is a cage by ad_castra:

After expelling Gadreel from Sam's body, Dean thinks they're in the clear. If only they were that lucky. // S9 fic wherein Gadreel's grace causes some adverse side-effects in Sam's mind.

CW: past referenced rape/noncon, body horror

body of proof by Askance (doomcountry):

There are things Sam hasn't told his brother. They're all in the envelope laid on Dean's pillow.

CW: heavy discussion of past rape/noncon

break these bones 'til they're better by redskyatmorning:

After Sam’s torture at the hands of the British Men of Letters, the latest in a long string of violations, he is rescued by Dean and Mary – and forced to ponder his broken relationship with his own body. Months later, when Sam is resurrected and tormented by Lucifer yet again, Dean confronts Mary and Sam gets his revenge against the devil.

catching my death (staring out an open window) by ad_castra:

Sam gazes at the window, catches the faint pink hue tinting the sky. It’s so realistic - he could breathe in the fresh air if he were really here. ----- They got Sam out. Sometimes, just knowing that isn't enough.

CW: implied past rape/noncon

Death of Convenience by WilsonTheMoose:

It should have been easy. Wendigos are no joke but daylight slows them. The weather's been unpredictable though and perfect, idyllic hunts don't exactly stay that way where they're concerned. Or Sam has one card to play and never stops to think that Dean would care if he killed himself.

CW: suicidal ideation, references to suicide

Echoes of Hell by The_Nightbreaker:

It wasn't real. He wasn't in Hell anymore. That's what he tried to tell himself over and over. But two centuries of torture don't disappear in a day. Sam struggles with visions of Hell, fighting to maintain his grip on reality. Dean hates that he can't protect his brother from what isn't real—but curse him if he doesn't try. When the boys stumble on a case with ties to the Devil himself, will they be able to pull themselves together in time to stop the sacrifices? Or will the echoes of Hell finally overtake them? Aka, season 7, but the plot is Hell trauma, not leviathans.

CW: suicidal ideation

Evening Shadows by withthekeyisking:

Sam is hallucinating the monster who tortured him for nearly two centuries, Dean feels like he's failing his brother, and a diner waitress bears witness.

CW: past rape/noncon

Everything Dies Given Time by Lise:

AU from 5.03. Sam discovers something wrong with himself, and learns to live with it. Only a lot less functional.

CW: suicide/temporary character death

The Freedom to Be Loud by jribbing:

It hadn’t occurred to Dean that maybe Sam remembered so much about that little nowhere town because something memorable had happened there.

CW: referenced past rape/noncon

golgotha by redskyatmorning:

There’s a vacancy on the throne of hell, and Sam is desperate enough to save Dean from Michael’s possession to give into the abyssal depths of his own darkness.

Head Space by ameliacareful:

A witch curses Sam leaving him blind, deaf, and bedridden. Left with only the inside of his own head and the occasional touch, Sam begins to unravel.

CW: suicidal ideation

Hiraeth by inkandpaperqwerty:

(n.) a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home which maybe never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past "Dean... I made a really big mistake." For a second, Dean actually thought things were going okay. He was out of Hell, Sam agreed to stop drinking demon blood, they had just wrapped up a successful hunt... for once, everything was okay. And then it wasn't. "I overdosed." Not at all.

CW: suicide attempts, suicidal ideation

if i could leave (i would've already left) by serendipity0930:

“I have a mission from God for you,” the Angel whispers to the man. “It is time for you to do what you were born to.” The man’s face twists into a smile, delighted over being chosen by Him, a purpose from God digging into his heart, carving out a place to fester. “Hunt.” ... 05x03 AU where Zachariah is even more determined to keep the brothers apart and hunters are all too willing to take Lucifer's True Vessel off the board for good

CW: referenced suicide

It's A River (But Not In Egypt) by Lise:

He's still a liar. Maybe always has been.

CW: toxic Sam/Lucifer dynamics

Kindred Instruments by PinBitch:

They’re in a tug of war and Sam is the rope. He doesn’t need to be alive for that. OR Sam dies in detox, being flung against the walls of a metal box will do that to you. Dean and Ruby pick up the pieces.

CW: temporary main character death, permanent supporting character death

lazarus trick by katsidhe:

Sam's alive, so everything is gonna be okay. 13.22 coda.

Let All Mortal Flesh Keep Silence by Lise:

Sam's back. He's in one piece. That's the problem.

CW: self-harm

love is like ghosts by redskyatmorning:

I’m poison, Dean had said instead of I’m sorry. Well, Sam wants to say, what does that make me? What the hell does that make me? (A look into Sam's mind in the aftermath of the Gadreel possession.)

The Other Brother by RadioFriday:

Sam and Adam are pulled from the cage at the same time. Sam is not right, and Adam, stuck as his caretaker, is not pleased.

Oxygen by inkandpaperqwerty:

“Cas! Cas, please! Please, answer me! Cas!” Castiel ignores Dean for several minutes, but then Dean gives him an opening that might help him complete his mission. So, he goes to investigate, and what he finds is a very bloody, nearly dead Sam. Dean tells him where the injuries came from, and Castiel quickly becomes confused. It doesn't make sense, but Dean tries to explain it to him, and slowly... Castiel begins to understand.

CW: suicide attempt

Post Hoc, Ergo Propter Hoc by AmberSock:

Sam waits, kneeling, for his execution. What if Dean hadn't missed?

CW: temporary character death

Safety In Distance by GalaxyThreads and SpiritClusters:

The Mark of Cain is a brand of violence. Sam was an idiot to think that he'd be exempt from it, just because he and Dean are siblings.

sometimes a kind of singing by adi_rotynd:

Sam gets cursed. They're dealing with it. Jack can see souls. That one they're not dealing with quite as well.

CW: past referenced rape/noncon

Soul Windows by GalaxyThreads and Spirit Clusters:

A few months after his birth, Jack learns how to see souls. Then he comes to a realization about the Winchester brothers, Sam in particular, and it's not a pleasant one. (gen)

Starry Night by keepcalmsmile:

Sam attempts suicide-by-monster. Dean tries to help. It sort of works...until it doesn't.

CW: suicide attempts, suicidal ideation

such fragile, broken things by The_Bookkeeper:

Sam wishes that Dean would just get it over with already.

The Tale of Sir Galahad by keepcalmsmile:

Sam once said he could never be clean like Sir Galahad. Dean assumed he was just talking about the demon blood. Turns out, Sam was talking about something else too. WARNING: Extended discussions of the aftermath of rape and childhood sexual abuse (but NO description of the actual events). Happy(ish) ending, but potentially very triggering.

CW: past rape/noncon, mentioned CSA

They Hammered in His Teeth by jribbing:

Sam has a secret.

CW: suicidal ideation

today's troubles (are history tomorrow) by a_good_soldier:

"It's not really something I know how to share," Sam had said. In which Dean figures he ought to help Sam out a bit.

Touch and Go by themegalosaurus:

Tag to 9.19 (Alex Annie Alexis Ann) in which Dean realises why, exactly, Sam is so angry about what happened with Gadreel.

trust fall by ad_castra:

“I’m nothing like you,” Sam hisses. Nevermind relating to the anguish of going it alone. Nevermind that he knows what it is to be strapped down and forcibly cleansed against his will. Sam wonders if these trials are purifying Crowley as well. 

Words Like Glass by broken_cinders:

Dean never figured the cage wouldn't leave a mark. He was prepared for memories, flashbacks, and nightmares. He wasn't expecting the words Sam brought back with him or the way they made him seem just a breath beyond Dean's reach.

Wound and Unwound by fascra:

Sam stops eating spring of his freshman year.

CW: eating disorder

wincest (dean/sam)

Brittle by thecapn:

Sam Winchester has an eating disorder.

CW: eating disorder

Don't You Cry No More by sixtysevenlmpala (schittyfic):

The first time Sam gets badly hurt on a hunt, he doesn’t cry. Dean does.

Fall On Your Knees by dollylux:

Sam doesn't quite make it home on the last day of school before winter break.

The Fall Will Probably Kill You by killabeez:

Set between 7.04 and the aftermath of 7.07. Dean is not as okay as he'd like you to think. Neither is Sam.

CW: self-harm

Feels so good to feel again by Trojie:

The pain keeps Lucifer at bay, at least to start with.

Follow In Your Form by withthekeyisking:

Sam is hallucinating Lucifer in the wake of Cas bringing his Hell Wall crashing down. To make matters worse, it seems like this has his dormant powers flaring back to life.

Last Temptation by merle_p:

Sam is running a fever again, the kind of fever no Ibuprofen or cold compress will bring down, the kind of fever that is eating him up alive, eviscerating him from the inside. He is too hot and too cold and too pale, delirious and shaking, resonating with whatever divine energy the trials are subjecting him to, and Dean is not sure how much longer he can stand to see him be in this state. Because Sam is quite possibly dying, and there is nothing Dean can do to stop it. Because Sam is dying, and he just. Won’t. Shut. Up.

CW: mentioned past rape/noncon

leeches by Anonymous:

Sam discovers a spell to make everybody forget him. He’s convinced it’s for the best. Pre-Stanford.

CW: attempted kidnapping/torture

Make Thick My Blood by themegalosaurus:

“You’re going to kill me, Dean,” Sam says, eventually. And all Dean can say is, “I think I am.” A season 10 AU, set after 10x14 ('The Executioner's Song'). Cas finds a solution that might cure the Mark of Cain; but if they're going to go through with it, Sam has a terrible price to pay.

CW: mentioned past rape/noncon

Prophecy of an Abomination by ashitanoyuki:

Sam is kidnapped by fanatically religious hunters and crucified. Coming back from this won't be easy. Canon-divergent from midway through season 2.

Recall by De_Nugis:

Sam's having a hard time telling what's real and what isn't, especially when it comes to some voicemails from Dean.

The Room Upstairs by brokenlittleboy:

Sam comes back from hell, but he’s inside-out and all wrong, and Dean can’t fix him.

CW: mentioned past rape/noncon

Ruin You (and its companion fic Worth) by Mumble_Bee:

Cole fucks Sam with Demon!Dean watching from a devil's trap, snarling that anyone would dare touch what was his. “I told you I don’t care what you do to his face or his blood or his fucking nose,” Dean growled, “but you put your dick anywhere near him and I will end you.” “Better hurry up then, Dean, because I don’t think I can wait much longer.”

CW: explicit rape/noncon

Snowed In by HelloStarlingFics:

When working a case, Sam and Dean get stuck out in a shack in the woods when the snow comes in hard and fast. Trouble is, Sam’s hated the cold ever since the Cage. Time for Dean to step up and look after him.

Wake by minchout:

Gadreel has had Sam for four years, and Dean, lost in guilt and obsessed with finding a way to get his brother back, has isolated himself in a cabin in the Missouri Ozarks with nothing but the woods, a stray dog, some chickens, and all the books the Men of Letters had to offer to keep him company. Then Sam shows up one day without his passenger, and Dean learns quickly that it doesn't matter that Sam is with him again - there is still a lot of work to be done before they can find their way back to each other.

Wanting to Forget by morganaDW (morgana07):

1-shot. S1 fic. After getting Sam freed from the Benders Dean thinks all he has to cope with is some bruises and cuts. He learns quickly just how wrong he is when Sam wakes up with a nightmare, reliving his brief but bad captivity in every detail. Sam just wants to forget & Dean has to try to get him to let him help. Will one night of cruelty and pain ruin what’s been formed between them?

CW: referenced past rape/noncon

when I wake up I'm afraid, somebody else might take my place by quake_quiver:

Sam doesn’t remember the last time he cried for Dean like he did that night. And now it’s been…two weeks. Maybe more. Sam is tired, and in pain, and starting to doubt that Dean’s going to show up. He’s weak and shaking from a combination of constant pain and hunger. Sam longs for Dean. Dean would make it better. Dean would fix it.

CW: rape/noncon, body horror

Wire Inside Me by merle_p:

There are a lot of things Sam hates about his current condition, to the point where he sometimes feels for the gun under his pillow at night, blindly toys with the safety, imagines pressing the muzzle into the underside of his chin and pulling the trigger just to make it stop. But there’s nothing he hates as much as the shadows he sees in Dean’s eyes whenever his brother is looking at him these days. It’s not an expression he remembers ever seeing before, but Sam thinks it’s probably something like revulsion. Horror. Disgust. What else could it be.

CW: referenced past rape/noncon, body horror, forced pregnancy

Worth (and its companion fic Ruin You) by Mumble_Bee:

Episode 10x01 "Black" where Dean is a human, and very, very, pissed off to hear someone has hands on his brother. “It’s nothing personal,” Cole whispered into Sam's ear, too quietly for Dean to hear, “but I need to kill your brother, and I need him off his game when he gets here. I don’t wanna hurt you, kid, but I’m going to, anyway. I’m going to hurt you a lot."

CW: explicit rape/noncon

you'll never see us again by according2thelore:

Then finally, his eyes trail over to Dean. His pupils are pin-point thin, and his hair is straggling in his face so Dean can’t see most of what expression lies there. Sam usually wakes up from nightmares in one of three attitudes: confusion, fear, or calm. A scary, sense-prickling calm that Dean hates more than anything else. Resignation, almost. Or: Sam suffers from nightmares and touch starvation post-Cage. They do their best to deal.

other Sam/Lucifer noncon

Cage Fight (No Way To Do This Right) by Dyed_Red:

Sam’s visit to the cage is already going awry, but Dean’s one-man rescue ends up skidding it sideways into territory neither him or Sam are ready for. (Gratuitous episode scene re-write. If Cas hadn’t come till after, if he hadn’t been there yet when Dean ran down to the 'parole' cage after hearing Sam scream - how bad could it have got for the brothers before he made it?)

CW: graphic rape/noncon

Into Being by withthekeyisking:

When Sam wakes up in the cave on Apocalypse World after having been killed by vamps, it's not just to find Lucifer there with him. It's to find him in him.

CW: graphic rape/noncon, necrophilia, forced pregnancy

Reggie/Tim/Sam noncon

a pointless resistance for you by withthekeyisking:

Sam doesn't know how long he's been with Tim and Reggie by the time Dean shows up and tries to take him out of there. Long enough that's he's already lost one baby and is pregnant with the next. Long enough that this life is starting to feel like all he knows.

CW: graphic rape/noncon, forced pregnancy & miscarriage, victim blaming

screaming birds sound an awful lot like singing by withthekeyisking:

Sam has done his best to move past what Tim and Reggie did to him, pretending it never happened at all. But running into them again makes that very difficult—especially when Dean gets involved.

CW: referenced past rape/noncon

Waste 'Em All by withthekeyisking:

When Tim and Reggie try to force the demon blood down Sam's throat, he spits it back out. He has no interest in being turned into their own personal attack dog. They don't...take it well.

CW: explicit rape/noncon

[swmmi-kti]

Mates Pt 2

DNI/BYF

cw: none so far.

part: 1 part: 3

synopsis: hey you meet your love, yeah he kinda tried to kill yoU BUT HE DIDN'T

You wonder, day dream over and over, over the past meeting.

How wonderful those arms felt around you. How he runs cold compared to you So lovely so wonderful you believe and it leaves you wanting so much more.

You do your usual routine, hoping to find him but alas somethings dont happen how we want.

Regardless you take the same path as always. Look around and if you don't see him then it is for another day.

Lucky enough nature has made a good foreging today, smiling at your basket as you set a steady pace back home.

Bur only enough, you heard loud flapping above you. However you take no notice as you walk until the shadow comes to view.

Smiling brightly you turn around "your back!" You say excited. Feeling his body weight push you down knocking the basket down.

"Hi~" he says a bit to eager. You can't read the Kanji engraved into his irises. How they shine like the brightest sets of stars, "upper four", how peculiar.

"So nice of you to come by again. I've been meaning to thank you" you laugh as you grab your basket.

"So a birdie tells me, though I'll say whats a good looking human such as yourself waiting for a demon like myself"

You laugh as you wave him to follow you. "Oh trust Me I don't care about that. You saved my life from a very horrible death. I have to thank you somehow"

He lets out a sharp almost bird like chirp of a laugh as he flaps behind you. You thought about making a nice supper and thought what may be a nice way to say a simple thanks.

"And how?"

"I thought a nice dinner would be enough. I don't know what else would be good but isn't that nice?"

You hum delighted not noticing his expression die. He can't seem to break the news that he can't eat food, though you'd make a pretty good meal

Following you seems to be a good view. He smirks inwardly to himself. as he sees your older run down place. Struggling to get in your home given his larger wings.

Regardless it's a nice comfort. Usually he didn't like to play with his food...However could he even call you that? Perhaps still prey.

But watching you work feels and looks very nice. Regardless He sits back and takes in the environment around him. Its Cozy for the most part. It feels almost...so hauntingly familiar.

Life was filled with moments like this, he often wonders how he got this way, Why was he this.

"uhm..."

He snaps out of it at an instant as he changes to a growing smirk.

"yes?...im sorry i spaced out" Dear lord, did he just apologize?

"i was just about to ask would you like a big plate?" you say with a smile waving off the somber yet serious expression he dawned.

He chuckled that same screech almost like a hawk, as he looked your way "no..actually I'm alright i don- can't eat" he admits watching your face fall a little.

"oh. im sorry . i had no idea"

"It's alright You wouldn't have known demons can't eat food" He says awaiting a reaction but there is none to come.

"i still feel bad....er" You mutter realizing you dont even know his name.

As gently as he can his hand grazes over your jawline. the claws of his nick you but not terribly so that you bleed. "Urogi"

You smile a little bit because it feels so awkward as you shy away just the tiniest bit "Urogi"

You cant help but the tiniest smile at his name. Its short and sweet and sounds just about right as well. "Urogi is a nice name"

He Lets out a laugh not his usual cocky or mocking laugh. Its genuine and filled with nerves. He feels like he's not who he should be but be someone you should want.

It's a conflicting feeling for sure. And he sits with you tonight wondering how such a human could hold the entire night sky in their eyes.

.

.

.

What was wrong with him? now he's far away with the single thought of you. ignoring the new meal himself and his clones hunted....how pathetic indeed.

And he can see and feel Sekido's gaze on the back of his neck. His feathers slightly ruffled....humans seem so unappetizing to him now...

[lesbxdyke]

Sometimes I really hate the way people act when people want to express a difficulty when they have a privilege.

I am white. I make no secret of this.

I am also autistic. I also make no secret of this.

I once posted in an autistic group on FB about how, I live in a small UK town with a very small POC population, and how I rarely go outside, so I pick up most of my new vocabulary from online memes, so when it comes out that that vocabulary is AAVE and Black People are asking White People not to say it, I have a bit of a tough time because my communication is built on scripts and patterns and once something has become an accepted part of my script, removing it is a hard thing.

I made it clear that I DO stop. That I put the work in to break those scripts and stop doing something that I've been asked to stop doing because it's harmful, I made no excuses, and made it clear that I wasn't looking for people to say "Oh it's okay, you can because you're autistic!" Or mollify me.

I just wanted a space with other people that might understand the struggle I was having to vent and release because it IS a difficult task for me.

And again, I repeated at least 3 times in the post that I wasn't looking for absolution, praise for trying, or permission to say things that I have no right to say.

(I would also like to note that this was ALL about slang (ala 'on fleek') and not at all about Slurs. I am very lucky that I have never picked up slurs in my speech, I've just picked up a lot of slang that was not immediately 'advertised' as AAVE online)

The FIRST COMMENT was from a moderator, saying 'While it's hard for you, remember it's harder for POC who have to moderate what they say all the time and don't have the privilege of having time to learn.'

And just like that, I felt shamed. I felt ashamed for struggling with this thing, despite approaching this group MADE FOR AUTISTIC PEOPLE to get off my chest that I struggle with something that NT people would shame me for.

I felt ashamed for struggling with something because of my disability, because "Other people have it harder."

And I still feel ashamed. Every time I pick up a new piece of slang, there's this intense grip of panic and shame, because what if it's not FOR me to use? And if it comes out it's not in a few weeks/months, I don't get to complain that I'm struggling because other people have it harder, I'm privileged so I should just suck it up and ignore that my disability is making my life difficult.

I would never DREAM of seeing a fellow disabled person complaining about how difficult they were finding a waiting list for something they required and bring up that it's more difficult for Trans people because in the UK our waiting list is 5+ years minimum for a first appointment and another 1 year minimum after that first appointment to get any sort of treatment. Because that's not what the conversation is about, and all it will do is make them feel shit about struggling with their waiting list.

The oppression Olympics "Well this group has it worse!" When someone is expressing a struggle/disappointment IS NOT HELPFUL!

Shaming people because "Well this group has it worse!" IS NOT HELPFUL!

Unless someone is claiming that they are the group that has it the absolute worst, there is NO NEED TO SAY THAT YOUR GROUP HAS IT WORSE ON A VENT POST!

Everyone, E V E R Y O N E, from a skinny CisHet NT abled white man to the most underprivileged person you can possibly think of has things they struggle with and as long as they're doing it in the right forum (their blog, a vent room in a discord server, a group for people with their disability to discuss the way it makes their life difficult, their Twitter, their private diary), they should be met with support and care as long as their vent is not actively harming people. Not shaming.

Stop with the bloody oppression Olympics.

[chouxsardine]

The Lucky Ones -- Danny Wagner x reader

Summary: Does superstition still work its magic when it comes to love? --a spontaneous new year tradition leads to confessions between you and Danny

Pairing: Daniel Wagner x reader

Word Count: 3229

Warnings: mention of alcohol, cussing, superstitions, slight allusion to previous abusive relationship, insecurity

Genre: fluff, COTTON-CANDY-GRAPE LEVEL OF SWEETNESS, friends to lovers

Author's note: Here is a VERY LATE Danny's Birthday/New year fic and also my first time writing Danny! Inspired by the viral tiktok trend about amusing new year traditions. I find them very interesting. I wish everyone a belated happy new year and all the best wishes. Please enjoy :))

🎧: The Lucky Ones by Lana Del Rey (by now titles from song is canon lol I'm so sorry)

-------------------------------------

You have always been a superstitious person, not religious, not believing in magic or the supernatural, just superstitious. Yes, you do believe ghosts exists, and you try to cover your eyes and ears when watching horror films. You hold awe and veneration for some “higher power” like your primitive ancestors. Since childhood, you have always been meticulous about the details, from the direction in which your slippers are pointing at when you take them off before bed to what to eat for breakfast the day of your school theatre showcase. Growing up, many people misunderstood your behavior as symptoms of OCD, but only you know that it is merely the result of your obsession with coincidences and the compulsion to recreate the happiness they have brought to your life; far from being diagnosed as an disorder.

You are going to spent the New Year’s Eve with Danny. You have known each other since you were little kids and have been best friends for over two decades. Friends and families have been teasing you two about being together, and almost everyone thought at least one of you was going to make a move during Christmas. But, alas, nothing happened as the days passed, and here you are, about to draw an end to another year of your friendship. Your feelings for Danny have certainly have developed beyond just platonic level, but you also didn’t want to ruin the precious friendship you have built throughout the years. Plus, you have to admit that you are waiting for a sign. Ah, yes, it is your superstition at work—you believe that there will be an omen indicating the time is ripe to confess your true feelings for Danny. It is not very often that he gets a break from touring and returns home. For now, you just want to be close to him, spend quality time together, and create more memories.

It is safe to say that you nearly jumped off the couch when you saw the trend about “eating twelve grapes under the table at midnight of New Year’s Day for good luck.” How are you only seeing this the afternoon of December 31st? You are already at Danny’s, and the only food you brought over is your renowned passion fruit cheesecake.

“Danny? Do you have any grapes left?”

“What?” Danny yells back from downstairs.

“Do we have any grapes?” You look around the room. The fruit bowl on the counter is filled with limes, which are for making margaritas later. Oh, you should have known better.

“I don’t think so. Do frosted grapes count?” Danny enters the living room and opens the fridge door.

You watch expectantly as Danny opens the freezer section. To your disappointment, there are only five freezer-burned round objects that could hardly be identified as grapes huddled together in a ziplock bag.

“What’s wrong, y/n? Suddenly craving some grapes?” Danny asks amusingly.

“No…well, yes,” You defeatedly close the fridge door and show Danny the post you just read. “It says you’re supposed to eat grapes for good luck.”

“Hum…”Danny’s eyebrows knit in concentration as he skims the article. “I think grocery stores are still open today.”

That’s the thing about Danny. Although you try to hide your superstitious behavior from others, you are never afraid to be yourself in front of him. Instead of thinking you are weird or childish, Danny finds your “little rituals” cute and endearing. He never presses on with questions, which only makes you more willing to explain them to him. And Danny is one hell of a listener.

Nothing compares to the last grocery run of the year. Maybe last-minute Christmas shopping comes in a close second. You are prepared for sensory overload when you see the preoccupied parking lot.

“Looks like everyone forgot something for their dinner,” Danny pulls open the passenger’s side door. Panic suddenly struck you.

“What if everyone has read about it and grapes were sold out?”

“I guess we will find out in a minute.”

Your worries almost became reality. There were only a few bags left on the fruit shelf, and they were obviously being picked over—from the plastic packaging, you saw a few were squished and watery, the ones near the bottom looked withered and brown. But you were positive that you could knock together twenty-four grapes from them.

“I swear you’re my lucky star, Danny. I bet there would be none left if you didn’t come with me.” You sigh in relief as you put all the remaining three bags into the cart.

“That’s a lovely to hear, y/n. Anything else we need for auspiciousness?” Danny asks half-jokingly.

“Actually, we do!” You remember the title of the little pop-up link as you scrolled to the end of the article and saw it mentioned collard greens and black-eyed peas.

Collard greens were easy to find; the panic threatened to twist your stomach again when you didn’t see any canned black-eyed beans.

“Kidney beans…chickpeas…romano…lentils….” Your eyes move fast down each row. “They only have bags of dry beans and we don’t have time to soak and boil them!”

Danny is scanning the label with you until he reaches to the top shelf and grabs a can of mixed beans.

“Look, there’s black-eyed peas in mixed beans. We can just pick them out,” Danny suggests.

“Oh my god, that’s genius!” You perk up immediately.

“Just making good use of my height advantage, I guess,” Danny beams.

On the way home, you are humming along to Queens playing in the radio and clutching the grocery bag containing a bundle of collard greens, a can of mixed beans, and three bags of grapes in your arms, as if you are taking home a puppy from the shelter. Danny couldn’t help but smile at your little expressions of contentment; he loves how you are always able to preserve the childlike innocence to appreciate all the tiny beautiful things.

As soon as you get back home, you dive into further research. By dinner, you had watched a dozen of different videos and five more articles about how exactly one should eat the grapes, answering your question of which colour grapes should you eat (both are fine, and you made sure to buy both red and green ones), whether you should eat them at the countdown to the new year or the first minute of the new year (the latter) , and whether you should sit under a table while eating it (answers vary on this one, but you decided to do it under the table anyways).

Danny is washing the grapes at the kitchen sink.

“Y/n, do you want to pick out the twelve you’re gonna eat?” He asks as he drains them in the strainer basket.

“Oh yes! Thanks for washing them, Dan,” You scamper over. Danny looks so cozy and relaxed in his sweater. His curls tied back into a small pony tail, a few stubborn strands framing his face. The hot, attractive drummer on stage that has the fans screaming and swooning is so different from the huggable human-sized teddy bear that you get to see a lot more often, but it still has the little girl inside you all rosy-cheeked and fluttered nonetheless. For a moment, you are lost appreciating his profile, his lips slightly pursed, long eyelashes casting shadows as he looks down in concentration. The grapes look delicate in between his strong and lean fingers.

“Y/n?”

You are pulled back from your thoughts and bump right into Danny’s mossy brown eyes staring at you. You feel your cheeks getting hotter. Is it still normal to feel the butterflies even after you’ve been friends for so long?

“You are doing this together with me, are you?” You ask as you hold up two grapes to the light, turning and inspecting them as a gemologist. You never wanted to push your own habits and rituals onto others. You have learned from that mistake in past relationships and have since been careful about not coming across as the superstitious version of the lunatic “horse girl”. Although Danny has been considerably supportive about this—buying the grapes with you, coming up the clever solution with the beans, and now this grown ass man is leaning over the kitchen counter and being the judge of a “grape beauty pageant” —the insecurity deep down still peeks around the corner.

“Of course, my dear. I wouldn’t say no to some good luck for the new year.” You can tell Danny’s smile is genuine. Upon seeing the curve of his lips, you could heard the bubbles of second thoughts in your mind popping.

“Look, we even got the cotton candy kind of grapes, those are your favourite.” Danny holds up a bunch of particularly green and shiny grapes.

You almost let out a chirp at the sight of it. You must’ve ignored the label as you hurriedly picked them up at the store. As the name suggested, they do taste like cotton candy. When your teeth break open the skin, the juices are like pure honey pouring down your throat. “And they make the best frosted grapes too!”

“You’re right. We can make another batch with the left overs to ‘replenish our frosted grapes arsenal’.”

You feel a warm, tingling sensation on your palms. Itchy palms are a good sign, right?

Half an hour to the new year, you have already situated yourself under the bar table in the kitchen, the only table in the entire house that is high and spacious enough for two grown adults to crouch under.

“Mind your head!” You extend your hand to pad the underside of the table as Danny gets down on his knees and scoots next to you, almost bumping his head.

“Ooops, close call,” Danny sat down cross-legged. “You know what, I just realized my house probably wasn’t the safest if there was an earthquake or something.”

“Shhh….Danny!” Out of your superstitious habit, you immediately put your fingers on his lips to shush him without much thinking. “Knock on wood!”

Danny pliantly knocks three times on the table above his head, laughgin at your seriousness.

You withdraw your hand, the softness of his lips lingering on your finger tips. “I don’t think this little table is going to do much anyway if it really comes to that,” you said.

“Don’t worry, I’ll protect you.”

The phrase came out his mouth so naturally, without a single second of hesitation. It transported back you into the time in kindergarten when you were pushed aside while waiting for you turn to play on the slide, you looked up through tear-blurred vision; the time when you were on a camping trip and you were nervous about stepping off from the canoe onto the river bank; the time in the scary escape room where your palms were all sweaty and your teeth were biting your bottom lip so hard that it almost drew blood…all these times, there were always a pair of steady hands beside you and a calming voice saying, “Don’t worry, I’ll protect you.”

You quickly blink a few times, getting back to reality and focusing on the two plates in front of you. It must looked like the weirdest “Girl Dinner”—a forkful of boiled collard greens, one tablespoon of black-eyed peas rinsed and drained straight out of the can, and twelve grapes (six green and six red).

“Okay, enlighten me on how to do this,” Daniel asks.

“So I looked into it a bit more. We are supposed to eat each grape along with each chime of the clock once it strikes twelve, but realistically I don’t think anyone can do that without choking, so we just have to make sure we finish all of them by 12:01. Then we eat the veggies and the beans.”

“Uh-huh, weird combinations,” Daniel muses.

“I know. That’s why I got us champagne afterwards to wash it all down.” You point to the two glasses not very far from you.

“Damn. All teed up.”

“Oh I almost forgot! One more very important thing: you are supposed to think about the wishes for the new year as you eat the grapes, one for each month!”

Your palms grew slimy again as your eyes glued to the counting down on the phone screen.

“Oh my gosh, Danny we are doing this…six, five, four, three, two, one!”

You close your eyes and start popping grapes into your mouth one by one. The excitement and adrenaline crush down the twelve preformed coherent wishes in your mind into word soup. Apart from the recurring ones like “health,” “safety,” and “happiness,” the letters spelled “Danny” again and again. Wishing Danny to stay happy and healthy, luck and success for the band and touring, hoping you get to see Danny more, spend more time with Danny, be with Danny….

You swallow down the last bite of your grapes as you open your eyes. You see Danny looking at you, smiling, his cheeks still puffed like a hamster from chewing. There is something magical about seeing the person you wished for right there the moment you open your eyes. It is like seeing the fairy godmother popping up on your birthday cake after blowing out the candles. You giggle as you both devour the greens and the beans, and your glasses clink together as you gulp down the champagne, releasing the satisfied “ahhh” exhale afterward.

“Oh wow.” You hold up the phone. The both of you watch as the seconds tick to 00 and the minutes change from 0 to 1.

“Happy New Year, Y/n.”

“Happy New Year, Danny.”

You two still sit in the not-so-comfortable position under the table, listening to the echoes of the chimes and the sound of fireworks in the distance, savouring the imaginary freshness of the new year, taking it all in like sniffling the smell of ink on the crispy pages of brand new books. Suddenly, you feel the warm feeling slipping away from you, as if visualizing a red line dropping on a thermometer. You don’t know if it’s the sight of the empty dishes and glasses or the adrenaline ebbing away, you aren’t prepared for the previously tamed insecurity to suddenly resurface. The aftertaste of the grapes turned sour in your mouth and made your skin crawl.

“What’s wrong, y/n?” Sensing the change in your mood, Danny turns to you, immediately finding your hands and soothingly brushing circles on your palm with his thumb.

“Danny, are all these…am I…too much?” Your voice are incredibly quiet, fearing it will break. Before Danny can answer, you continue, “do you think this is too….childish and crazy?”

“Okay, y/n, take a deep breath,” you felt the warmness of Danny’s hands steady on either side of your cheek, grounding you in his loving gaze and gentle touch, “you’re not going to cry on New Year’s Day, that’s not good.”

You take in a shaky breathe, trying your best to ease the stinging feeling in your eyes as the tears threatened to spill.

“Good girl. Now, talk to me. What happened? Why are you sad all of a sudden?”

“Danny, I just felt like…” you are plagued by the flashback of the hurtful words of your ex, it still stings as you recite them, “I need to grow up and quit these stupid superstitious nonsense, quit fooling around like a five-year-old…and, and treating everyone around me like one!” You inhale deeply again to regulate your breathing.

“No, y/n. Look at me, and listen.”

“You don’t make eye contact with the microwave timer when it’s has 13 seconds remaining. You always try your best not to step on cracks on the pavement, which makes you sometimes do those goofy strides. You always visit every wishing well in the cities we travel to.”

Your eyes widens as Danny recounts each of your weird little habits chapter and verse. Wait, he remembered all of them?

“I don’t give a fuck what other people have said about them, and I wish you don’t either.” Danny always tries not to swear in front of you, so you know he really means it when he pulls out those words.

“They are what makes you…you. They are an essential part of being y/n, and that’s important. You should never second-guess or change yourself just because some asshole yaps about it. Remember that one time you told me you always cling on superstitions because you feel like good things don’t often happen to you in life, so when they do, you want to remember the way they come and try to make sure they visit the next time?”

You nod, your heart melting.

“Hearing that breaks my heart, y/n, because I think you deserve all the good things in life. It’s my wish that in the new year, this beautiful, kind, and wonderful girl in front of me will stay away from toxic people, keep the people that love and cherish her close, and always prioritize her own well-being.”

“My wish and my luck is seeing you be happy, you know that? I’m the luckiest man in the world when my girl is the happiest.”

“Danny…” You lean into his touch, closing your eyes for a few seconds to savour the moment. You feel like an air ballon fueled by the love in your heart, free and fearless.

“I really like you, y/n,” he said, “as a friend and more than a friend.”

“I like you too, Danny. My feelings are mutual.” The words automatically fall out your lips, as if they have been prepared for this moment for years.

“Yeah? You know what my other wishes are? I hope y/n can be my girlfriend. I want to prove to her how lucky and deserving she is of all the good things.” He is looking at you as if you are the most precious being in the whole world, and in this moment, you truly are.

“I think…I can make that wish come true.” You say timidly, your hands also cupping his jaw. You can feel the pulse on his neck, eager and quick.

“You know it’s also good luck to kiss loved ones on new year’s day, right?” He whispers as he draws your chin to pull you close. Without any hesitation, you attach your lips to his. The kiss is soft and loving, with the residual sweetness of cotton candy grapes.

Because you were closing your eyes and making your wish, little did you know, Danny was watching you every time he popped a grape into his mouth. Every wish he whispered silently in his heart is related to you. He hoped that you’d be by his side for all the twelve upcoming months. He would be the happiest man in the world if even one of your wishes included him.

It turned out that good things don’t always need a sign to happen. True love is always on the hunt; it may creep up on you or catch you by surprise, but either way, it will always find you in the end.

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Yeah! you made it! Thank you SO MUCH for reading :))

any comments and feedbacks are greatly welcomed and deeply appreciated

Do let me know if we want a tag list :D

Some more of my works: Mariner's Complex || Permission to Fall

Ticked (all my boxes) || Love is a four-legged word

[silkbab3y]

Guys shut UP!! They’re just friends… /silly /lh

Issac (red sweater) is @z-shalltear ‘s oc!!!

Little writing fic I did because I loooove Ryder x Issac (it’s unhealthy for me /j)

Ryder likes his friend. And maybe it was just him being delusional, but sometimes it felt like Issac liked him too. Sometimes because Ryder felt as though he overthought things too much, took his friendly gestures as something more. Could you blame him? With a guy as cute as Issac, who wouldn’t hoped that he liked him back?

Ryder can remember their first meeting vividly— vividly because it was almost embarrassing for Ryder, hard to forget. He had given Issac is number at the library on a sticky note before leaving after he had seen the brunette working so studiously with whatever it was. Ryder loved nerds, so cute Issac was instantly his dream guy.

It was embarrassing how long it took for him to do anything, his friend pestering him on the phone to make a move. But he kept chickening out, hence the note. Maybe it wasn’t that embarrassing, but it was for poor ol’ Ryder. And he felt his efforts were in vain when he didn’t receive any call or text, but had assumed that it had just fell before Issac could see it, rather than the worse.

But then he saw him again and had finally introduced himself. That was… mm… a few months ago? Now they were friends and close as ever, making the little few months seem a lot longer.

Ryder was lucky, because not only did his crush liked him as a friend, but also wanted to be around him! That’s… that’s a win right?

Besides him in the food court, he let Issac go on and on about the plants he was taking care of, in return Ryder would talk about the book he was reading. “I think you might like it… I mean, if you’re like… into romance— but it’s not heavy on it—“ Ryder explains, taking a sip of his smoothie. “The girl like… has this tile traveling gene that passes down the woman side of her family, and her traveling companion also has the gene but it passes down to the men in his family. So the setting switches from like… 2011 to 1800s, and it’s a good read… er…” scratching his head, he shrugs, giving up on trying to explain it without spoilers. “I can lend you the first book, I’m on the last one.”

He glances to catch Issac’s eyebrows raise a bit. “Mm.. that fast?” He questions, the brunette smiling a bit. “Didn’t you just start the trilogy a few days ago?” Yeah, which is why Ryder was tempted to reread the whole thing again. Blame his dad for recommending him his now new hyperfixation. “Eeer…” Ryder just gives him a sheepish grin. “Maybe we can read it together?”

After their break, Ryder dreaded having to split for their classes, sometimes even debating if he should skip his to go with Issac. But alas, they both wanted to be good students (Ryder a little less than Issac), and he didn’t want to bother Issac or distract him in his learning (despite wanting to see his cute face 24/7).

Thankfully, their buildings were close by, so they had some time left before they parted. The walkway outside was crowded, most students having just gotten out of class and heading to their next one or heading home.

Ryder noticed Issac almost being eaten up by the crowd, and with an impulse— reaches out for his friend’s hand to pull him to his side. He could almost feel his heart shoot up into his throat at the feel of his hand in his before continues forward, guiding them out the crowd. Ryder couldn’t help but take a few glances back to look at Issac, before facing forward entirely before he ended up staring at the slightly anxious man in the midst of people.

‘He’s so cute.’ Ryder thinks to himself with a small smile. Finally out of the pushing people, standing in front of Issac’s building while his was just a walk away, Ryder holds onto his hand for a second longer before releasing their grip.

This was Ryder’s last class, so he wouldn’t see Issac until Thursday when their schedules align again. Maybe if he’s lucky though, he’ll see Issac tomorrow.

“Well…” Ryder swallows, shoving his hands into her Jean pockets. “Um… I’ll see you later, Issac.” He bids with a smile, waving as he backs away a bit before turning. Hearing Issac walk off into his building, Ryder takes out his EarPods and puts them on, playing whatever song his Spotify had already been playing before.

Ryder didn’t even realize he was still smiling all the way to his class until his other friend had mentioned it. Wiping at his lips as if the smile was a stain, he shrugs at his friend. “Can’t a guy be happy?”

Happy that he got to spend time with his crush, held his hand. Yeah, Ryder likes Issac.

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

this week the headline is that i was: Sick. i actually got off to a very solid start to the week on monday, doing all my little habits, finishing my workout program, getting some work done, & going to a friend’s birthday; then tuesday i woke up with what by midday i could no longer reasonably hope was just some morning dryness in my throat and the past six days have been spent resting it off. my symptoms peaked at moderate, and i always feel like there should be a stronger relation between the severity of symptoms and the duration of a cold than there is, but alas. also, last spring i got my hopes up about being “i mean, like, basically almost all better” and my cold that was almost gone returned and then became an absolutelt heinous sinus infection so i am being careful with myself thus time out. tomorrow i will resume normal human activity but i will probably give returning to working out another few days and then, sigh, probably do a couple “build-up” days over a week or two to see if i can mitigate the soreness i always get after a break or at least keep it from interrupting my schedule once i pick up a new 10-week program.

i do feel very lucky that the symptoms waited until tuesday to start because that did mean that after starting working out with this fitfluencer in january 2023, i was finally, finally able to actually complete a program in the time it was written for. i think this little victory is owed to a few things: first, constant little trial and error to figure out the shape of a routine that works for me in many areas of my life so that i didn’t have any weeks i was just too busy and frazzled to get five workouts in; second, probably, to some extent my body just finally adjusting to the demand; third, probably, being still imperfect but more consistent about foam rolling & stretching; and fourth, this sounds weird but i actually believe it, picking up a cottage cheese before bed habit. i did this because when i started this program (for the second time) i noticed that i was going to bed having eaten overall enough (including Getting My Protein In) but still waking up hungry enough that i could tell it had disrupted my sleep (sometimes because i was waking up ravenous at like 3 in the morning) and i remembered a reddit tip i’d once read that came up in a post about sleep on a calorie deficit but which i thought might also apply to a person not trying to cut calories but doing exercise in a way that is intended to cause physical changes in the sense of adding muscle slowly over time… something about the combo of casein, a slow digesting protein, & fat is supposed to keep you full longer. how scientific is any of this? who fucking knows. but my inability to stay asleep went away when i started doing this.

i am also lucky that my symptoms for the most part were not so bad that i couldn’t read. i mean i still spent a lot of time dicking around on the internet because that’s what being sick is for. but i did get to finish some books :)

one reading related quandary i am currently facing is there are so many books i want to read for the first time now that i am reading books again but also i started reading house of mirth as a bedtime read and then was like… actually i’m too interested in rereading this to read it 3 pages at a time while falling asleep. i really do want to hit 50 books and have them be 50 new books but there are a couple things i’ve been interested in rereading for ages… partly because part of what i’m trying to learn to do this year is to more actively read as a writer and think more seriously about what it is i do and do not like in fiction writing as i slowly and nervously and mostly mentally futz around with the concept of learning to write it myself. and it does strike me that in addition to new books (which may or may not be good) it would probably be fruitful to read the books that have lingered positively in my memory which i read as a young and unserious reader, such as the house of mirth. (i can’t really make this argument for tender is the night, because i’ve read it like three times including in adulthood, and part of its hold on me is i find it just about impossible to see the seams, so to speak… but i do in fact want to reread that one too, lol.) perhaps i will allow myself one reread a month assuming that i am otherwise progressing on schedule. this also means i have not been good about bedtime book and i confess i am not sure where to turn on that front… perhaps this is where i try to make peace with poetry?

this week i have some fun stuff planned & am also going to try to work more because i am feeling anxious about (1) money and (2) prep work i’ll have to do in the future, and putting in more hours than i strictly need to will allay at least one of those concerns somewhat. upcoming books are angela carter’s the bloody chamber (stories), toni morrison’s playing in the dark (nonfiction), & sally rooney’s conversations with friends (novel), and as much as i loved love & theft and have already begun to uncover more than i anticipated left in me from the turn of the screw i confess my brain is a little relieved to take a break from marxist cultural criticism & the sentences of henry james. i kinda wanna aim to actually finish this one (1) yellowjackets fic and to do it by season’s end because my interest in the show is already close to extinguished but i like this little story, but we’ll see. next weekend we shall lose some sleep but in return daylight will have been saved!

[huntsvillegossip]

Happy New Year Lovelies!

Well, happier for some than for others, it seems. Eagan Connolly is raising quite the fuss about the disappearance of someone named Will Monroe—details are light on who exactly Will is but apparently he's known to some as a local prostitute. If you see her hobbling around, maybe keep a wide berth, since they’ve been heard muttering to themselves in public. If it was something worth worrying about, the police or Mayor Nat herself would have informed us, of course.

We have multiple witnesses having seen what looked like a very upset Christopher Winters and a very concerned Jim Dunford in town the other day. They were arguing about what sounded like a cheeky New Years Eve kiss that they shared. Jim seemed to be trying to placate Christopher, who was not having it, shoving the man away and stalking off. No news yet as to whether Emma Dunford is aware of this. For all we know, this might be her way of having her cake and eating it too. Christopher and Emma are also expecting a child, which begs the question, is now really the time to try something new?

Speaking of their upcoming adoption, the baby’s birth mother has also been on her own romantic adventure. Josie Reigh and Gabriel Westfall are official, at least if the people overhearing her referring to him as her boyfriend are to be believed. The two seem to be quite happy with each other. Alas, not everyone seems to be as over the moon as they are. Nico Garcia stills seems hung up over Miss Reigh, which is no surprise, since he always was the more sensitive brother. He has repeatedly been seen intoxicated at the Sasquatch and was even heard propositioning one of their bartenders. One lucky contender who took him up on the offer is Jessica Sinclair. That girl's taste has always been questionable—but perhaps this is the one who will break her streak of heartbreak?

The younger Garcia brother isn't the only one moping and drinking his sorrows away at the bar. Theodore Collins has become the latest member of the lonely hearts club. Many have remarked he's been overly temperamental at work with some adding in that he and Kirby have officially called it quits. However, seems they're both quick to move on. Theodore was spotted hitting on Morgan Vovk, who took him home "as a friend"—you can take that as you will. Meanwhile, Kirby has been seen multiple times leaving the drive-in with Edward Langston. Now, sonsidering he should be focused on helping raise his goddaughter, you would think he'd reconsider his priorities. Kirby is fun but they're hardly the person you'd want around when you're trying to be responsible.

That's all for now, my lovelies. Remember: drink and flirt responsibly! You never know who's watching.

Love, Auntie G

“Is it just me, or do the old folks at the retirement home seem happier lately?  Is it just because of that new doctor working there or what?” - Anon (37M)

“So, I hear there’s an angry bounty hunter in town, and word on the street is he’s after a big score. Guess it makes sense that he seems to have joined Val Moreno’s harem. He seems like her type. Good luck and godspeed to Connor Hastings, I suppose.” - Hopeful Future Harem Member

“It appears like Duck Romero has been lassoed by Claire Forbes and is officially off the market. I saw the two of them on what appeared to be a date after New Years looking mighty cozy. Third time’s the charm, folks!” - Town Bird Watcher

“Declan Sullivan seems to be sowing his wild oats, as he was seen kissing Peyton Wilson soon after a love confession to him by Artemis Hayes was overheard at a construction site. Never seen a boy high tail it out of a conversation so fast. Hey, I'm willing to be her shoulder to cry on any day.” - Bob the Builder

"You'd be surprised how much shit gets talked about at the construction sites. You know that circus guy? Mercy Wainwright? Might've overheard him bitching about not getting to see his kid. That he might actually try to get custody of 'em. Not sure how the baby mama, Josie Reigh, gonna feel about that one." - The 4th Property Brother

“Yeah, so I was having a drink at the Sasquatch when Hope McGillivray threw a drink in Floyd Blackward’s face. Guess he made a pass at her but you can’t blame a guy for trying. Dude’s still stuck in second place it looks like.” - Day Drinker

“Although Halley MacGillivray and Saffron Aubert are now officially dating, Halley has been seen hanging out with Felix Berkowitz, Saffron's ex-fiancé. Like mother, like daughter, I suppose. Loyalty seems to be a concept that family struggles with.” - Anon (22F)

"Hey, so I don't know if it was the eggnog at the party or what. But Edgar Wayne had a full meltdown at his own party. Looks like it was cause of Beverly Torrance, she went skinny dipping in this freezing ass weather with Elijah Atkins. I thought the rangers were suppose to help out folks not nearly kill 'em." - Eggnog Lover

[mandrakebrew]

Show Me the Place Where your Words Come From

Words: 1,424 Rating: General Content Warning: oc x canon

In retrospect, Dr Palmer should have counted themselves lucky that the city's library had a couple books on Hungarian. One on learning the language, and another on it's history. They asked the librarian if any others were checked out, and none were. So they checked out what was there, and headed out.

Their next stop was the bookstore they frequented. The store didn't have anything, but Palmer asked the owner if he could get them some books on the language, and some magazines and catalogues too, if possible. The owner said he'd try.

After they started gathering resources, they realized a slight problem. One of their commanders bad habits was snooping around. Their home was no exception. They'd caught him once, and found some items of theirs moved around in their drawers. If they wanted the surprise to actually be a surprise, they'd have to get clever.

Fortunately, at least for this instance, they grew up in a home where they needed to keep things hidden, so it was a well developed talent. Putting them inside something with a lock wasn't a good idea. Might as well put a big sign that said 'Look in Here!' above it. Palmer could ask Para-Medic to keep them at her place, but having to explain what they were doing made them want to avoid that option.

Drawers, and cabinets were also a no go. Putting them under their mattress was almost laughably bad. However…

They slid themselves under the bed, pushing some boxes out of their way. They took the knife they keep in their pocket and cut a slit almost a foot in length into the fabric under the box spring. Then they placed the books onto the wooden frame inside.

The hiding spot worked for two years.

Palmer found a couple co-workers who were native speakers as well. Which was fortunate since they pointed out just how bad the doctor's pronunciation was. Those conversations were had when Palmer was sure Skull Face was nowhere in the building. Quickly silencing a conversation with someone when he walked in the room would never look innocent. They'd have to spoil the surprise, otherwise their commander would assume the worst of the situation.

Alas, it got spoiled not because of Skull Face's snooping, or having caught Palmer in a hushed conversation, but because the doctor couldn't help getting distracted.

They'd wandered into their bedroom after taking a bathroom break from studying. They noticed their books no longer fit on their bookshelf, and were decided which ones to get rid of. They got so focused on this task that they failed to notice the sound of the front door opening.

Eventually, they remembered what they'd been doing, and returned to the living room. Only to find their commander sitting on the couch, looking at the study materials spread about the coffee table.

Palmer now only slightly regretting giving him a key and telling him to come over whenever he wanted.

The commander had his back to them, and didn't seem to know they'd walked back into the room, so they stayed quiet. Skull Face currently flipping through one of their notebooks. He then traded it for one of the catalogues Palmer had. They got it for translation practice, and to see pictures of Hungarian homes.

They took a few more moments simply to watch, enjoying the novelty of sneaking up on him for once. Eventually they walked around the couch and into his line of sight. “I meant for it to be a surprise.” They explained.

If Skull Face was startled by their sudden appearance, he didn't show it. “You're learning Hungarian.” A statement, not a question.

“Yeah, I just thought…” Their commander was their lover, yes, but he was also their friend. One of, if not the only, person they could truly be themselves around. He made them feel safe for once. While they both shared knowledge of English and German, the doctor felt it was unfair they could never speak in his mother tongue. They knew nothing of it, and he'd lost most of it growing up. Another tragedy from a long list in Skull Face's life.

“I wanted us to be able to speak in your mother tongue, not just mine.”

“How long have you been working on this?” His voice had gone quiet to the point they almost missed what he asked.

”Két év, gondolom?“

The commander just stared at them in response. Did they say it wrong? Was their pronunciation off again? Did he not understand what they said?

Before they could ask anything though, Skull Face cleared his throat. He dropped the catalogue he'd been holding onto the table.

“Excuse me, there's something I need to attend to.”

”What? You just got here.“

”Yes, but I just remembered it.“ He responded as he got the door. He still had his hat and jacket on so he quickly left the apartment, shutting the door behind him.

Palmer started wringing their hands. Did they offend him? Was this whole thing an overstep? A mistake? Should they try to call him later tonight or wait until work tomorrow to talk?

Palmer looked at the materials on their table. They should probably put those away now.

As he walked back towards his home, Skull Face tried to process what the hell just happened. He wasn't used to it, people just being kind him, at least not without some hidden hook. Not since his childhood which he now barely recalls. This though, goes beyond kindness. They spent all that time… Doing something for him?

Skull Face was a man of action, he was rarely swayed by talk. It was too easy to say one thing and then act another. So being told the words, “I care about you,“ or ”you're important to me,“ didn't mean a whole lot to him.

Actions however, were harder to ignore. There was hard evidence in front of him that the doctor cared about him.

He cleared his throat again, and breathed in sharply. His vision began to blur, and his eyes stung. Skull Face shook his head and started walking faster towards his home.

They didn't speak again until lunchtime the next day. Palmer could barely focus on work, absentmindedly doing paperwork. The morning had been calm was well, making it drag on even more.

Finally, they heard a knock on the door. “Come in,” If it wasn't their commander, the doctor was going to have an anxiety attack.

”Afternoon, Doctor,“ Thankfully for the doctor, Skull Face opened the door and came inside.

”Ah, Commander,“ They forced a smile, trying to keep control of their nerves.

”My apologies, for the interruption last night.“

”It's alright, I'm sure it was out of your hands." Him needed to go do something was an obvious lie, they knew that. In fact they were sure Skull Face knew they knew that.

They moved the conversation away, "Anything interesting happen this morning?“ They'd complain about their day, but they knew better than to complain about a slow day in the medical field.

”I had a meeting with the major, not much else.”

“Oh? Anything you can tell me?”

“It's confidential, I'm afraid.”

The doctor made a fake pouting face at him, before letting it drop, ”Ah well, I trust you know what you're doing.“

The XO wondered if they meant 'you' as a collective. Or just him.

There was a tense silence after that, before they both spoke at the same time, the elephant finally being acknowledged.

”Doctor-“

”Listen-“

The both stop again, then the commander gestures for Palmer to continue.

”I didn't mean to upset you, if that's what happened.“

Upset? Is that how they took his reaction? Then again, how else were they supposed to take it?

”You didn't,“ He paused, ”I appreciate the thought.“

That's a relief, though they were still confused as to his… Theatrics.

They'd been so caught up in worrying that they'd damaged their relationship somehow, they never considered that his reaction might be a positive one. But the more they did think about it, the more it made sense. He'd gone so long without kind gestures that he'd simply didn't know how to respond. An abused dog that cries out when pet.

”Szívesen, commander.“ They smiled at him. ”Now that's it out in the open, maybe you can help me study.“

”I'm still learning it myself, you know.” He reminded them.

“Well then, we can help each other study.”

An excuse to spend more time with the other, not that they really needed one.

A/N: Két év, gondolom = 2 years, i think Szívesen = You're welcome

[cescalr]

New tag game: list ten of your childhood ships!

tagged by @babybeale <3... forever ago. Uh. Whoops!

[I will also state my current feelings regarding the ship, and I'll go into as little or as much detail as I feel like <3 I'm also. I have a sieve brain. I'm trying to remember what the fuck it was I shipped as a kid lmao. Anything I shipped, say, pre 2016, I think should count? ftr that means I was 14 or under when I shipped it.]

Nina/Fabian, from House of Anubis;

They're still cute. Better than what they pulled in the last season ;-; fabian and mara...... why...........

2. Sam and Freddie, from iCarly;

This show was just. Not good at writing romance. At all. It was bad at it. But I am very smart and know better than them (/joke) so I could do seddie justice. Er. Maybe trying to do that right now, actually. Shh.

[also, friend; jade and beck is so complicated, you're right. A fun mess, but still a mess lmao. Me and my rarepairs was always a fan of stuff that never ended up being canon though. Might as well put it next, I guess? Looking at your 3.... when it comes to icarly; we could not possibly have had more different opinions on the matter <3 lmao]

3. Tori Vega / André Harris;

I haven't watched it in years so I do not remember why! But I do remember that I did. I think. Don't - don't quote me on anything ever.

4. Willoz - from buffy the vampire slayer;

No gifs for them :( :( :( love them still so very much <3

5. Honestly, I'd steal your number 5 bestie, 6Teen was great. In the spirit of obscure animated TV shows, though - and It's been so damn long I forgot the names of some characters, had to look up the guy's name, lol - Zero and Vin from The Invisible Network of Kids. It left a profound impact on my psyche because they did something really fucked up in the last episode, plus left us on a cliffhanger, and then the show got cancelled </3 rip. Haven't watched it in a decade or so. No idea if it holds up, but I was super invested in these kids doing spy work and experiencing insane levels of trauma that would be ignored come each new episode </3. I was literally 8 years old <3. It has a TV tropes page and the entire show is availible on the Internet Archive, of all places, sooooooo I may browse. For nostalgia's sake. There are literally zero gifs available for this one, because. I mean. No shit.

7. Didn't watch any of that continuity - only got so far as Tracey Beaker Returns... alas. Anyway, my pic for 7..... hm. Sigh.

Stiles/Lydia, Teen Wolf.

This ^ is NOT romantic! she slams her mouth onto his in the middle of a panic attack. Babe. No. No. Regardless; I don't like it </3. They really. Oh god they really fucked up this one. Like a lot. Plus, they both just ended up with much better canon ships (stalia, marrish) that then got shafted for this mess to be the endgame and then the movie breaks them up anyway!!! OFFSCREEN!!!! they didn't even last 2 weeks!!!! fuck!!!!!!!! I don't like them. But I used to. Playlist, for proof. I feel like this counts, because I shipped them when I first watched the show as it aired (I was 10 when the show started), but I did still ship the pairing until well into my teens (16 or so) before I wised up (the show made them very bad in a really boring way. Not that they weren't bad before. Love how they both do things that are otherwise reprehensible but the show frames them as romantic for some fucking reason </3 I was like 13 when I saw this kiss on screen. They're lucky I did research and didn't just take it at face value or I could've gotten some really bad ideas about what's healthy in a situation like this!).

8. Zikki (Zane/Rikki), H20: Just Add Water;

Season 3 does not exist <3 [also, the way they wrote the 'cheating' plotline was fucked up. That woman planted one on him!!! he did not consent!!! Why are we supposed to be blaming him for being sexually harassed in the workplace!!! No!!!]. Still ship them fr fr.

8. maf;lkasjd;f yeahhh. Think if you watched friends as a kid, it was inevitable you'd ship rosschel, the damn thing was pushed so hard. Stand in regretful solidarity;

For really obvious reasons (being that it is rosschel); hot damn no I do not!

9. Harry and Ginny, Harry Potter.

Ignoring the horrendous movie adaptation, when I read the hp books I basically just defaulted to shipping whatever was canon. Luckily for me, the canon hp ships are actually pretty good ones! If you ignore the canaries in the room. (I. Do not. Famously. Well. Infamously.) As for Hinny, whilst its a garbage ship name, the pairing itself is pretty great <3

10. kaljdflkasdt thank god I don't remember jack shit about watching glee for the first time! the sieve brain is a blessing in this one occasion. I've already mentioned in another (tagged <3) post my vaguely-relevant hsm ships, though, so..... hmm. What should I pick.... let's think.... I'm kidding. I don't need to think.

Shoker is a major missed opportunity in ME, and I've been mad about the choices for my fem!shep for YEARS because. Look. Kaiden she did not cheat on you. You left!! You accused her of being evil and fucked off after she was resurrected!! what else was she supposed to think other than 'guess he doesn't want to date me anymore. Rude.' And. You could have sex with Jack but not romance her, that was locked to male characters >:| biphobia [Jack can have sexual relations with women, but her only real connections are to men. Rude!]. And, Liara in my games always turned herself down for romance because she assumed my shep wanted to date Kaiden because she's not a total dick to him and there's no way for me to clarify otherwise, also people making assumptions :/ not great. Plus Li becomes the shadow broker and it's a whole thing, so that doesn't really work out narratively for me anyway. Can't romance Miranda. Can't romance Tali (wouldn't anyway - Tali/Garrus <3). Refuse to romance Garrus that is just so platonic a dynamic it's not even funny. Jacob cheats and dips, so fuck him. Like... all of the fem!shep romances are terrible (or Trainor, I guess, but she's... kind of. Nobody. She's Just There. Sorry. It's not narratively interesting enough for me.) and Joker was right there and augh. Augh! Still ship. Still mad about it. Hatboy Project is doing the lord's work! I salute thee soldier in thine endeavours. Waiting to replay LE until it's been finished <3.

<3

If anyone wants to pick this up, go for it!

[finnlongman]

Working on annotating a copy of The Butterfly Assassin for one lucky winner who pre-orders The Hummingbird Killer. My handwriting is, alas, inhibited by my efforts not to break the spine of the book.

As well as including songs from my playlist whenever I feel they particularly suit a certain chapter, I'm giving insights into the writing process and where certain details come from. And at times I am just having opinions about certain characters and lines.

And occasional secrets:

There is only one of these annotated books in existence, so if you want it, you should pre-order THK and fill in the Google form to be entered into the draw. (Everyone gets the bonus short story, though.)

[icharchivist]

if anything BG3 and GBF share the problem of lady characters NOT having more muscle when they definitely should be absolutely built considering their level of strength and activity i think

*for real*

that's a problem in most medias alas since there's always this constraint of keeping women "physically attractive" while failing to understand buff women hot.

Video games also usually end up in this problem with the limitations of 3D models (one that like... does exist, but also kinda sucks that they don't do any effort to work more on it.).

Granblue doesn't have this "excuse" so the fact they refuse to define some muscles on women is always eyeroll worthy, especially for some of the big fighters out there. Like Katalina. Whom by all account should be buff since Grand Blues has a running joke about her breaking her armor by flexing, or seeing some of her arts being about lifting weights.

but at least sometimes we get lucky. Not enough to praise the game, but at least enough to be glad it's happening yaknow?

Fiorito's abs for instance are great. They could have done more with her arms, but she does focus more on her abs anyway. They could be even more, but i'm glad we have it.

and then we had NPCs who actually showed some goodies like

it's not perfect. But hopefully it's some steps in the right direction.

And of course there's Ladiva's case but, while i think Ladiva is an incredible trans rep and everything, the fact one of the only really muscular woman is a Trans Woman probably deserves its own can of worm. Even if Ladiva is perfect.

But Granblue's 2D VN model has so little excuses for how they don't take risks with bodyshapes that it's not even like it's a glowing review to say that tho lmao

[billconrad]

Riding A Bike Helps Everything

    At age six, an enormous box was under the Christmas tree. When I tore off the wrapping, I saw the picture of a Toys Are Us Geoffrey Giraffe bicycle. Unfortunately, it was not all good news because several parts broke when my father and I assembled the bike. Yes, my bike was junk, but I loved the freedom, adventure, and adulthood that bike riding represented.

    My bike was orange, with a striped banana seat and a flag. Of course, I needed training wheels and had difficulty mastering balance. During those early years, I had several accidents. Bike helmets were not standard gear then, and I was lucky I did not crack my head open. I still have two visible scars from crashing.

    That bike quickly fell apart, and my mother bought me a black Schwinn from a church friend. What a machine. It got stolen a year later, and my mother purchased a red Schwinn from the classified ads. Not a great bike, but I rode it everywhere, including school. However, there were limitations, specifically the hills around our neighborhood.

    I needed a bike with gears; five years later, my father gave me his ten-speed. It required brakes, shifters, and seat repairs, but I quickly fell in love with this new capability. My favorite activity was exploring the canyon behind our house. I took a weekly four-hour ride from 1985 to 1988.

    That bike broke when I tried to jump a curb, and my dad purchased a chrome Raleigh mountain bike for my eighteenth birthday. This machine was incredible, and an entirely new level of adventures opened up. Plus, it looked fantastic. I rode that bike for many years, exploring canyons, and it followed me to Orange County, California, where I tried to get an engineering job.

    At that time, there were few jobs in San Diego, and I hoped the larger cities around Orange County would have better prospects. But, alas, I ended up at Kinko’s making copies—a degrading and menial experience. On top of my job difficulties, not having a girlfriend or professional work stressed me out.

    To ease my tensions, I began taking bike rides after work. This physical activity improved my mental outlook, plus it was healthy. But what is the stress reduction difference between a bike ride and some other physical activity? I have run, lifted weights, walked, swam, meditated, tried yoga, danced, skipped rope, hiked, and stretched for exercise. While these are excellent physical activities, I did not find they were good at relieving stress

    Why? Cycling takes tremendous focus at some stages and almost none at others. It is a three-dimensional activity with scenery, challenges, danger, and physical exertion. The success is evident at the journey’s end because the rider has advanced from one location to another.

    What is my stress-reducing process? At the beginning of a ride, I only concentrate on riding. Then, about ten minutes later, I relax, and my focus drifts from the ride to other areas. This supporting mindset allows me to think about issues, problems, friends, my job, solutions, life, and relationships. Yet, sometimes, my mind ends up going to baffling places.

    Do I listen to music or a podcast to help me relax? No, this is a special time, and I do not want to experience somebody else’s creations. Instead, the scenery, other riders, trail challenges, and physical exertion provide entertainment and a natural distraction. Such genital distractions help my creativity and problem-solving by breaking up thoughts, which means that one thought does not dominate my time.

    Do I recommend bike riding to others? Yes and no. Exercise has become a religion for many people. If a new person begins lifting weights, baseball, or boxing, they can be hazed by the experienced. I would never try to push my beliefs toward others.

    I can attest that bike riding helps me, and everybody should be physically active for many reasons, including mental health. Bike riding is not for everyone because it is dangerous, and unlike a treadmill, riders must keep going when they get tired.

  You’re the best -Bill

  May 31, 2023

  Hey book lovers, I published three. Please check them out!

  Interviewing Immortality is a psychological thriller about a 500-year-old woman who forces a disgraced author to interview her.

  Pushed to the Edge of Survival is a drama, romance, and science fiction story about two unlikely people surviving a shipwreck and living with the consequences.

  Cable Ties is a classic spy novel about two hunters discovering that government communications are being recorded and the ensuing FBI investigation.

  These books are available in soft-cover on Amazon and eBook format everywhere.