#i see all the variations of short hair butch

[lezbrarian]

fellas can a soft butch have bangs and a messy rolled-out-of-bed bob because their face shape and hair type don't really suit shorter more "butch" hair?

[blood-choke]

hi! i have a question, but before that i just wanted to thank you for giving such amazing sapphic rep in both of your games. as someone who's sapphic (Im a bi girlie) I'm always a little bit disappointed when the female sapphic characters are given not as much thought even when it comes to both female gender locked ros and the female/nb counterparts of gender selectable characters in comparison to the male characters/male counterparts of gender selectable characters in other ifs. i absolutely adore both of your games and the fact that you take such great care with each of the characters' identities, even if they share the same sexuality or gender, they express their gender and sexuality in different ways and i also love the stud rep with hana. And I love that your gender selectable ros in tnp present in a similar way regardless of gender, yet there are still differences in the way that they express it or experience it. my first language isn't English so if i get any terminology wrong please lmk. ❤️

as for my question I was wondering what your thoughts were regarding sapphic ros in IF. do you think gender selectability could be used in a better way to explore a characters' identity in some circumstances. i am curious as to what you think regarding gender locked and gender selectability especially regarding to female/nb ros. i always love to hear your thoughts on different topic so i thought i would ask. ❤️❤️

thank you so much! 💗 now, get ready for a really long-winded response!

honestly, my opinion on genderselectable ROs tends to fluctuate. it's kinda a love/hate relationship, hahaha. there are a lot of games that i think do a fine job handling it, and overall i prefer having the option as a lesbian because typically we don't… get sapphic/gay female characters… like, at all.

now for my controversial opinion: i don't really think most of these female genderselectable characters are actually sapphic. they're just playersexual. and this goes for the opposite, as well, for the male versions. they're not gay or bi they're just playersexual. genderselectable characters can only work if the author is willing to make an effort & flesh out both/all versions of a character as well as acknowledge their sexuality. if one version of the character is meant to be a bisexual woman, then you should be writing her as a bisexual woman. unfortunately i'm sad to say i've seen more than one author publicly admit that this is "too much work," but i suppose i can commend them for being honest about it…

it's been interesting to see this kind of stuff in the IF tag recently. for a while it seemed like we were actually moving more towards favoring genderlocked characters, with set sexualities, and then suddenly it feels like we've ended up in a worse spot than we used to be. i see some really egregious gender essentialism with some genderselectable ROs, down to even their sense of fashion and tattoos changing so the female version can be more feminine and dainty. it's very bizarre, and i really, really do not like it.

i don't necessarily think it's a bad thing for selectable characters to be different. it makes sense in some cases, like if you had a character that was gender nonconforming in all variations. it would make sense that their clothes would be different and their experiences would be different. i even think it can be interesting to explore how certain characters are affected differently by society because of their gender. if you had a character like Lea that existed in a misogynistic society like ours, their experience as a butch would be very different from their experience as a masculine trans man or androgynous nb person… and they would also share a lot of similar experiences, too! but this is not what i usually see. it's usually just… woman: wears pink, is shorter and skinnier, has long hair. man: wears blue, is big and muscular, has short hair. nonbinary (if there even is a nb variation): thin and androgynous artbreeder mashup of the other two. and then in every other aspect they are the same. unfortunately, that's as far as some authors are willing to take it. the rare times i do see someone add in differences it's always just the female version experiencing some form of misogyny that her male counterpart does not, with very little elaboration or reflection.

i don't really think i need to explain why that kind of characterization is a problem.

i do think there is a lot of potential with the gender selection mechanic. i've tried to do something interesting with Lea, and i like to think i've been successful with it. but in my honest opinion, if you want to write a story about gay and/or sapphic characters, you should just genderlock them. for one, the IF audience at large is always going to favor the male version of your character. that is just a fact. if your only female or nb characters are selectable, they will be erased by the wider IF audience. i know this sounds kind of cynical, but this is my honest opinion & my experience as someone who has been involved in this community for almost four years now.

i think if you are someone who is setting out with the intention of writing a sapphic RO, you are doing them a disservice by making them genderselectable. just genderlock them! you may get people that complain, but they can suck it up or go play something else. and i don't think i need to tell you this but just to be clear, genderlocking gay or trans characters is not the same as a game with an all straight or all cis cast. it just simply is not. cis, straight, & white people are already considered the "default." most games already cater to this demographic. it is not the same to genderlock or even lock your characters race or ethnicity to something other than cis, straight, or white. cis, straight, white people are not a minority. you are not underrepresented. there are millions of games out there for you to play. & it's irritating when people pretend like someone getting upset at the exclusion of gay people (or any other minority, for that matter) from a game is somehow comparable to another game "excluding" straight people (or white people, or cis people). arguing this is just blatantly ignoring the reality of our misogynistic, racist, homophobic & transphobic society. again, straight people are not underrepresented. you are automatically included in almost everything except the gay media that gay people create themselves.

gay women especially are repeatedly left out of IF. unless you want to go read yuri VNs (which, no offense, don't really do it for me most of the time) you're pretty much shit out of luck. there are very few lesbian ROs out there, fewer gnc women, almost no butches and definitely no studs that i've seen in this specific tumblr/cog IF space.

so all of this to say, if you do really want to make your characters genderselectable, then just take your time with it. really think about how their gender may change their experiences within the world of your game. does it change anything at all? maybe not. there does not need to be a drastic difference at all if it's not applicable. don't loop back around into gender essentialism. but you should still think about it, and consider what the gender selectable mechanic can offer as a narrative and characterization tool.

what is my plan for this character? what am i trying to accomplish with them and their story? does making them genderselectable add to that narrative or does it hinder it? how can i explore the potential differences between these versions of this character without falling into and reinforcing harmful stereotypes? how does their sexuality impact their experience? i think these are some of the questions authors should ask themselves when deciding if they want to make their characters genderselectable.

[mackmp3]

gender is so weird because i spend so much time on here were almost everyone is genderqueer in some way which is cool! & even though i havent worked out my own exact gender it doesnt really matter right as long as i'm having fun with it (which for the most part i am yippee). and then i go to Real life where there are maybe a dozen trans and/or nonbinary people i know of, myself included, at school, & not all of them i talk to (not for any reason i'm just not friends with all of them lol). and i was walking between classes today like oh my god. all of these people are perfectly content with their assigned gender and dont feel weird about it. at all. i mean surely some of them do because obv you cant tell by looking.

but i heard a girl in my painting class being weird about some other kid who is actually really cool i think! who is also nonbinary, she was complaining cos lots of people think this kid's really annoying (they're not even that bad they're just kinda intense) but then felt the need to drag their gender into it like 'she's definable a she/they, and she wears suspenders to school (we have uniform for context so any variation is noticeable) and has short hair, and [her role in the production] is supposed to be a BOYS part why did they cast HER' and i was just there getting more paint from the box like ?????????????????????? girl what???? first of all you are literally a theatre kid have you never heard of gender swapped roles and second off you're literally a theatre kid & theatre is queer asssssss like what?? are you talking about??? you're being weird about this persons gender cos they dress with personality and have short hair??? & i'm in the corner in my tboy outfit (i'm not a transguy (probably. i dont think so) but i sure do dress like one) & short hair like. what do you think i am. what do you think of me. i'm in three classes with this girl and we're... sort of friendly? we went to primary school together. like does she think i'm weird. and not weird but weird yknow. you know what i mean.

in her perfectly conventionally feminine world where she applies lipgloss every half hour & curls her eyelashes in class and sits on her friends laps and touches their close-fitting clothes. she will jokingly play flirt with her friends who are girls and would say she's not transphobic but does she see my casual butchness as unsettling.

[wormsin]

I Need to be the Most Fashionable Bitch at the Airport

8/20/23

I'm at the airport heading to Grandpa's memorial. I'm wearing a black a-shirt that says "ALL THINGS ARE DELICATELY CONNECTED" (jenny holzer truism; gift), oversized black short-sleeve button up with unidentified painting of The Last Judgment (my one aliexpress purchase of weird button ups), grey sweatshirt under black motorcycle jacket (allsaints, mom utterly spoiling me), black cargo pants, sneakers, 3M aura mask.

this combination is extremely comfortable and also lets me be the most fashionable person at the airport, an extremely low bar. as a transmasc its my god-given right to wear oversized shirts. it helps the fit issue of having more hip than mens shirts account for, and can widen the shoulder. i feel most comfortable in clothes that drape my back and hips, that dont come in at the waist, so i often wear these button ups open. its one of two silhouettes that dont make me insanely dysmorphic.

oversized transmasc fashion is sometimes ridiculed but personally im a fan, even as someone who believes right fit is important. 'right ' is just relative. trans/queer people are often manipulating our proportions to pass or signal, and thats because fit and silhouette in fashion is gendered.

off the bat, wearing oversized or proportion-fucking clothing is a lot easier when youre straight sized because there's more clothes for you period and you can find things a size up. also fatness is gendered in a complex way so Your Millage May Vary. anyway—

right now men's and women's silhouettes are very similar. its all slim and about moralizing and accentuating the ''"natural body"". and by accentuate I mean make women look skinnier with a fatter ass and men look skinnier with more muscles. it sucks ass. I could go off on a long rant about the politics of athleisure. there are more variations in shape in streetwear etc. but mens office and formal wear is all very slim right now (derogatory).

this is very different from 1600s france or 1950s america, where the male and female form in fashion were quite different. please dont make the mistake of thinking this uniformity/unisexing is a linear, progressive trend. there are rather cycles of feminizing menswear and masculinizing womenswear based on previous generations (1890s, 1920s, 1960s-now kind of).

so right now, if we want to 'pass' or genderfuck or navigate being gendered correctly, we rely on fine-haired signals. (it's easier to queer code and be read as 'some flavor of gay' ime.) and a lot of that is based on the shape of our bodies. wearing a men's jacket isn't going to shift my gender signals much since women wear menswear inspired womenswear and, to a lesser extent, menswear—but wearing a mens jacket a size up so my shoulders seem wider will shift the needle more. and even if it doesn't, I like how it looks.

there's not actually a formula for this because passing and gendering are highly specified to location, culture, race, age, fatness, how aware of trans people someone is, if there are other queers around you, etc.

more interesting than dialogue about passing are the weirdo trans/queer fashions happening right now which, like all interesting fashion these days, actually have bold shapes. transmasc, butch, and stud fashion often make use of oversized and baggy clothes, especially with the 90s / cargo / wide pant resurgence. and there's lots going on with weirdo niche fashion like clowncore. people were dragging Elliot Page's fashion (Balenciaga 2022, 2021 met gala) but its deliberate.

I feel pretty gay and trans at the airport, especially when I hit the middle of the country. but I did once see a man flagging black at an airport with a tattoo that said "ITS A LIFESTYLE"—so there's room for improvement.

[blazefire2012]

I hate when I look up "women's short hair cut" or a scrabble variation of the words to look for inspiration on how to cut my hair and the only results I get are bobs, hair below the ears, and maybe, MAYBE a pixie cut or two

I say short because I want SHORT, I want it damn near buzzed, I want my mom to see it and call me crying because it's so short

I know I can easily try it new styles on myself first but my problem lies in I do not have two mirrors to buzz the back of my head accurately, I am fat so it may look different on me than what I hoped, and damnit I just want to see the cute shit other people do for confidence reasons. I feel like a joke about butch erasure in the Google search results could write itself but I'm too busy being temped to buzz literally all of it off to think

[audreydoeskaren]

Hello I would love to hear your thoughts and review of the "China (Leah Li) | 100 Years of Beauty - Ep 15 | Cut" video on YouTube and the video that shows the research behind of each of the looks . I specifically would like to hear your thoughts on the decades (1900s to 1960s)

Link to the video, the research video

Hi, I’m ready to lose some braincells tonight and I'd love to review this video as well! I remember watching this video back when it first came out, I had no idea about historical fashion then and I was super impressed, so we'll see how things have changed ahaha.

1910s

Ok this is actually very good! We're off to a good start. The long mid parts bangs and the low bun at the back were indeed fashionable in the 1910s. There were other very cool hairstyles in the 1910s, but I guess due to the limitation of the format they could only show one.

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Mid 1910s artwork.

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Actor Mei Lanfang in fashionable women's clothing and hairstyles.

The reference image they used is actually from the 1910s, good job!!

1920s

This is beginning to resemble the psychic damage I am so accustomed to. This length is definitely way too long for the 1920s, and what are these loose, limp curls? The classic 1920s women's hairstyle was a short bob (emphasis on short) with numerous styles of bangs. Bobs could also be styled in a variety of ways, with the lower ends often puffy in the middle of the decade. Some women who didn't cut their hair short wore their long hair brushed back and in a low bun, with optional decorations like hairpins and flowers. It should be noted that having long hair in the 1920s or 30s was not synonymous with being conservative----short bobs were not the only fashion forward hairstyle, and long hair rolled into buns was equally fashionable. I'm honestly tired of this short hair=emancipated woman vs. long hair=old fashioned false dichotomy.

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Typical bob.

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Long hair pulled back with puffy sideburns.

Toward the end of the 1920s and the beginning of the 1930s, within the Deco period of 1929-32, a greater variety of hairstyles and variations of hairstyles became available and people would often style their hair in unique ways that follow the general gist of fashion trends but look different individually. Finger waving became popular in the years 1929-30, and this specific hairstyle where the hair is finger waved and then pinned at the sides to create two puffy ends at the sides was all the rage. It's very difficult to describe but easy to spot in images. You might think this looks similar to what they have in the video but nope, the waves/curls in this hairstyle are much tighter and the hair is much shorter. These hairstyles were also not strictly 20s hairstyles either as there was significant overlap with the early 30s.

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Long hair pulled back into this neat, clean faux-butch look was also en vogue.

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The reference image they used is from the 1930s lmaoooo. Who told the researcher it was from the 20s. Also the “shift toward Western influence” thing is incorrect, Chinese fashion’s relationship to Western influence fluctuated from decade to decade and was not a linear trend, and the 1920s, especially 1923-28 actually saw a shift away from Western influence and toward 19th century Chinese inspirations, in contrast to the very westernized 1910s, before going back to Western influence around 1929.

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Similar poster from 1930-31.

1930s

Ahhhhh the horror, please spare me😨 This could potentially be the finger waves pinned back at both sides I mentioned earlier if the curls were smaller and tighter and the hair was shorter, but then you would also need to move the hairline and bangs upward by a lot. 

Even if this hairstyle were accurate it still wouldn’t be representative of the 30s; in fact, no single hairstyle would be able to represent a whole decade in 20th century China, because there were so many different hairstyles within every decade. The 30s was the least diverse in terms of hairstyle out of all the decades in the Republican era but still offered multiple choices. In the early 30s, side parted voluminous finger waves were popular; they had a distinct dense, wave-like shape unlike the loose, huge curl the model in the video is wearing. In the late 30s puffier middle parted brush out curls pinned back at both sides were more common. This didn’t have the wave-like shape but was fluffy and visible circular shapes. 

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Early 30s hairstyles in Ling Long magazine.

You can see the wave-like texture better in photographs.

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Mid to late 30s hairstyles.

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Late 30s hairstyles.

I have these exact two images sitting in my Pinterest board and I know they are both from the 1931-33 range, so the time is very close to the reference image they found for the “1920s”, resulting in two similar yet badly executed hairstyles that could represent neither decade. I would like to move on.

1940s

They did the 1940s so dirty here... The biggest problem is probably the flat front, as few hairstyles from the 1940s had a flat front. Most 40s hairstyles featured some sort of volume at the front, be they victory rolls, pompadours, small curls, a teased part or upswept poodles. They did get the length more or less correct, as 1940s hairstyles were much longer than 1930s ones and could reach below the nape of the neck or even the shoulders.

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40s hairstyle with pompadour front and long curls.

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Victory rolls.

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Poodles.

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Here’s a handy diagram of a bunch of 1940s actresses together, showing their hairstyles. Shows you just how diverse 1940s hairstyles were.

I immediately knew they were referencing this image the moment I saw it, and the reason as to why they still got it wrong after seeing this hairstyle in such close detail could only be allocated to blindness. In the reference image, Zhou Xuan’s hair at the front was pulled back and secured with a pin, not left to flow back like in the video. The curls at the back also seem to be small pompadours/ringlets instead of curls, as they appear smoothly conical instead of fluffy and circular. This hairstyle was also a very stylized one made for one individual actress, not something common that “normal” fashionable women would wear. The more common hairstyle was by far regular brush out curls with top volume shown in the previous diagram.

Here is a colorized version of the reference image in case you want to see it in more detail:

1950s

I am well versed with all the stereotypes and misconceptions surrounding Mao era fashion so I was mentally prepared for this bullshit but the cringe still hit me like a truck. I... If they were doing wealthy privileged women fashion for all the other decades why aren’t they sticking with it for the 1950s and 60s?? Gives you the false idea that beautiful, put together women didn’t exist in the 1950s and that poor, working class women didn’t exist prior. Let me show you what a posh mainland Chinese woman looked like in the 1950s goddamnit.

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Thank you Sam Sanzetti (the photographer) for giving us these wonderful portraits, rest in power😢

1950s Chinese fashion was a continuation of the 1940s, including hairstyles. Chinese women continued donning brush out curls like those worn by Western and Hong Kong actresses, albeit shorter and with less volume at the top as the fashion dictated.

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Hong Kong based actress Xia Meng and her hairstyle.

Another thing people don’t realize is that working class women commonly wore brush out curls as well, by the 1950s they were so naturalized in China that they weren’t a strictly upper or middle class thing anymore.

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Bam, surprise motherfucker. Anyone who refuses to acknowledge curled hairstyles as legitimate 1950s and 60s mainland Chinese hairstyles because “they were boogie and not representative of the working class” does not know what they are doing.

Here’s another handy diagram of actors and actresses from 1961 showing their hairstyles. Their hair and makeup were quite similar to Hollywood actresses of the same time to be honest.

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Yeah yeah you found the most generic propaganda poster ok bye.

1960s

The 1960s is always this red guard stereotype I don’t even want to unpack it (also I’m not the most knowledgeable on 1960s hairstyles so I won’t give you incorrect information😅)

That’s all for this post :)

[chiafett-moved]

Using all the clones from ur high school au, what kind of civ clothing do you think they'd wear?

Okay okay okay I took some time and went to TOWN on this one so clone clothes below the cut

Fox:

First and foremost, Fox has his own pinterest board. There’s not much in the way of clothes there, but yeah. 

Lots of red and black

Hoodies and jeans. Jeans and hoodies. Hoodies and Jeans

If you saw the shape of my body No You Didn’t 😁

Someone help him

Always dressed as though it’s approximately 20C. Sort of like a comic character who wears variations of the same outfit.

For someone who hates being perceived, he does wear some tight clothes

Overall, sort of unintentionally punk/emo and tired

Lip, tongue, and ear piercings

Hunter:

Also has two pinterest boards (butch AU and normal)

Cottagecore farmer. Lots of neutral tones and loose, soft fabrics

Loves knit things

Very picky about texture and fit. If it’s tight, it gets donated

Wears things until they fall apart. This does not take long

Soft, waterproof, ankle-high hiking boots that he wears everywhere

L a y e r s 

Constantly putting his hair up or taking it down

Very concerned with taking care of his curls (and for good reason; they’re gorgeous)

Farmer’s tan n freckles

Tech:

Business casual some days, absolute trash others. There is no rhyme or reason. 

If Hunter’s all about consistency, Tech is the opposite (autism vs ADHD in a nutshell lmfao)

Pockets are a must

He has a messenger bag a la Spencer Reid 

Big ol’ glasses with a thick enough lens that you can see behind him if you look at the right angle

Converse

Has these awful graphic tees from the time he went to Goodwill with Hunter

Wrecker:

Big comfy sweaters like those ones they sell at Old Navy

Walking hug with steel-toed boots

He has trouble finding XXL Tall clothes that aren’t Barbecue Dad™ so he takes what he can get 

Rips the knees of pants first

Rips the tags out of everything

Cannot match colors to save his life and hasn’t yet figured out the Hunter tactic of just owning neutral things

He has a lot of fun hats

Carhartt short sleeve shirts and jeans with sharpie and paint on them

If he can’t move in it, he doesn’t want it

Big fan of open short-sleeve button downs over tees

Constantly asking Tech to hold things for him (they get lost in the Bottomless Messenger Bag)

Crosshair:

Typical teenage boy with a side of edgy

You know those joggers with the puffy knees or the cargo pockets? Big wearer of those

Sneaker Snob

Once he dressed up for a school event and he looked so good but pretended not to notice

Big City Gay energy

Constantly has a pack of cigarettes on him, so he’s got to have a pocket for them. He’s got to have a pocket, right? I just can’t see it from here. There must be a pocket because otherwise where is he getting those he’s pulling them out of nowhere send reinforcements—

Steals Hunter’s worn-out, oversized flannels but he’s a tall bitch so they’re pretty normal on him. How is he making them look so edgy?

Dogma:

Wears the same outfit a concerning amount. Like, you don’t notice anything and then all the sudden he’s been wearing the same thing for two weeks. Doesn’t smell bad or anything, though, so ?????

Always put together, but in that way that’s kind of fraying around the edges

I don’t really know how to describe his clothes beyond a sort of vibe? Idk

He’s a really skinny guy and he loves clothes with angular shapes and hard edges, so he kind of looks like a stick figure with really cool geometric designs

He tries to look sort of formal and aloof, but it doesn’t work

His Manic Art Kid vibe is visible from space, though

He looks cute but in a freshman kind of way. Like, “aww, look at him!”

But also radiates the kind of energy that makes people highly concerned

Many ear piercings and one eyebrow piercing

Tall gangly and intimidating

Always carrying his backpack

Tup:

Basically Dogma but with softer edges and rounder shapes

The Ridiculously Well-Adjusted Art Kid

Always has paint somewhere

Looks like a mess but makes it work

Messy buns

Big fan of overalls and colorful shirts

Likes long sleeves

Converse out the ass, but in a ton of different colors

Big sweaters

People forget he’s tall and Stronk because the way he dresses makes him look small (oversized things do that)

Got his ears pierced when Dogma got his third helix, but let them close

Stacked bracelets

Echo:

Somehow soft punk meets varsity kid? He makes it work

Khaki pants but cool 

Open zip-up hoodies and comfy, well-fitting tee shirts

Sneakers only, unless he has to be fancy

Sometimes wears fingerless gloves and refuses to explain why

Undercut

No I lied sometimes he wears stompy boots just because they’re at odds with the rest of his aesthetic

Basically big calm comfy vibes without looking sloppy or informal

Will wear button downs as normal shirts with jeans

Likes to do the graphic tee over thermal shirt thing

Joggers

SKATER BOY. That’s the word I was thinking of. Soft skater boy (he and Fives both skate)

Fives:

Band tees and jeans 

Not a fan of shorts. Has anyone ever seen his legs?

Constantly has this big-ass set of headphones around his neck

Beanies

Also a graphic tee and thermal shirt layerer

Rarely not wearing jeans

Sometimes wears pajamas to school specifically to piss off teachers

Snapbacks

Paints his nails a variety of colors, but mostly black. Somehow the polish is always chipped

Big wearer of Vans, actually is a skater

Tears through the elbows of his jeans jackets falling 

Cody:

Gay smart kid. Debate team captain. Soccer captain. Looks better than you. Looks better than the teachers. Could kill you. 

He wears a lot of half-zips and khakis, but makes it look less nerdy than usual

Sports paraphernalia helps. Hard to look nerdy when the zip-up you’re wearing is from wrestling Nationals

When he wears tee-shirts, they’re always tight? Does he buy them a size small on purpose? (yes, yes he does)

Collector of those really nice zip-up hoodies with the geometric designs that make them look really nice and neat

Actually wears sunglasses when it’s sunny

Has never been seen in a hat

Neyo:

Oh god oh fuck DIY punk? He’s oh god he’s

Neyo my dear that sweatshirt is falling apart

Neyo is. Troubled and in a Bad home. His clothing choices reflect this. 

He does not want to touch or be touched and he wants to look cool doing it

Stoner kid but Spiky

And also he doesn’t actually smoke

Wears combat boots that look like they’ve seen blood

Skinny jeans bc he’s edgy and cool

Patch pants/vest

Also has a pinterest board

Bacara:

Bland depressed kid. Jeans and dark hoodies

Seriously he’s just trying to vibe. He wants to be comfy and he doesn’t want to draw a ton of attention

Black converse

Constantly has a farmer’s tan

Not a fan of short sleeves

Thinks Neyo looks ridiculous

Has never been dress coded in his life 

Seriously Bacara’s idea of spicing up an outfit is wearing like. A polo. 

[ano-po]

My big sin towards the butch lesbians in the Philippines (an apology)

So I grew up in a typical tagalog setting. The type of settings you see in "pinoy na pinoy" [super pinoy] village picture in commercial posters with big signage of "Tindahan ni Aling Nena" in the middle. Yeah, those kinds of settings, if you catch my drift.

In one "pinoy na pinoy" village, there are more than 10 transgender women who usually work in parlors or eatery (I'm sorry for the stereotyping, but the first time I saw them in a corporate setting is when I moved to Cebu). Of course, as a polite little coconut I am, I call them ate whether they have boobs or they're just crossdressing. Because why not? They are Ate. They are women. As a child, I didn't need to understand terms: they are women.

With butch lesbians, however, I never had the education on how to treat them. They weren't that many, and they weren't that loud. They don't do pageants in where they voice out some awareness they want to tell people, unlike transgender women. Once, when I rode a motorcycle, I said, "kuya" [big brother] at first because they really looked like a male, but then they spoke and it was clearly from a female so I corrected myself to say "Ay, ate pala." [Oops, I mean big sister.]

I've been doing this kind of habit because they never reacted and they never corrected me. When I moved to Cebu and gained access to 24/7 internet, which means more tumblr and pinterest times, I learned more terminologies and saw about awareness post about the variations of humanity, and generally saw the line this society is making between us and the kind of human respects we want.

One day, in a jeep, I was beside a really pretty lady but is sitting in a manly way. They have short hair, and their aura clearly screams "I'm a male." Because I'm kinda confused what to do, I asked them using the title "Kuya". I saw a little smile on his face and gladly answered my question with few extra tips about putting my bag in front of me if I try to venture T.Padilla street alone.

I feel dumbfounded. I didn't know that's the way of butch lesbians. You see, I am well aware that not all tomboys are lesbians and not all lesbians are tomboys. It doesn't help that media is showing us ((I'm looking at you, GMA)) that these tomboys will end up finding a man who will soften their heart because in the end of the day, she's just a girl who will fall inlove to any neighborhood kid with nice smile. I have 4 butch lesbian cousins, all with girlfriends, but I still call them Ate and they never corrected me or any people. I never considered butch lesbians as transgenders, and that they might actually want to be called Kuya. And with that, I apologize for saying, "Ay, ate pala." because that might have hurt you. Maybe or maybe not, but I prefer you guys smilling like that kuya in the jeepney.

#sorry

#ishouldcallthesekindsofpostsas

#thejeepneydiaries

[gayagendaofficial]

Wait, what’s gay lingo? Like, what does twink, bear, etc. mean?

I AM SO GLAD YOU ASKED!

Before I get into actually defining these terms, I’d like to write about a few things:

So this is probably in reference to this post I made. Not to explain the joke to death, but that’s exactly what I’m about to do. I wanted to make fun of how people who aren’t mlm think they know what mlm terms like “twink” and “bear” mean and how they blatantly use them incorrectly everywhere, because they think they’re funny (bc gay men are a joke, right? //sarcasm), or because it makes them look “woke”. It’s an idea I had for the longest time when I saw something a str8 woman wrote about Zac Efron being a twink, in the present. Like yes, Zac Efron was a twink, past tense, but he is absolutely not a twink anymore (if you can even call a str8 man a twink). And she also implied that being a twink is something you can’t outgrow, which is laughable, because it’s kind of a meme among gay men that being a twink is something you grow out of whether you like it or not.

This mostly seems to be a problem among cishet women, since cishet men tend to be too concerned with their “masculinity” to touch gay culture. But since this is tumblr and virtually none of you are cishet, a lot of the times I’ve seen people misuse these terms on this site were LGBT+ people who weren’t themselves mlm. In those cases, the reasons seem more that these people are just misinformed, and they use these terms because mlm use these terms, and we share a community. Part of it comes from the fact that wlw might see the terms “twink” and “bear” as analogous to “femme” and “butch” respectively, which is not true in the slightest (Butch and femme are their own complex thing. What they actually have in common with twink and bear is that few outside their communities actually know what they mean lol).  Another reason might be that other LGBT people see mlm using these terms sarcastically and think they’re being used in earnest; if an actual gay man calls a bodybuilder a twink, he’s probably being sarcastic, and also probably trying to insult him (which is a whole can of worms I’ll open up in a bit).

I’m gonna try to define what “twink”, “bear”, and a couple of other terms actually mean, as well as give a little bit of context to how they’re used and controversy surrounding these identities within gay spaces, partially based on my experience as a gay man and partially based on casual research. I’m just one gay man, and I’m not an expert in queer studies or anything, so take from that what you will. I hope this will be useful to mlm who are just discovering their identities and exploring their sexuality/gender, who are new to the community, and I also hope to inform our siblings elsewhere in the LGBT community. This info could also be useful to cishet allies, although please be mindful of your intentions in using these terms.

Anywho, lets get to the definitions:

A twink is a young, smooth, slim mlm. The definition here is generally seen as being pretty strict on those 3 criteria, although “twink” is sometimes used for older mlm who are skinny and don’t have much body hair. Those last two criteria are the most important, because there are other categories for mlm that fit one of the criteria; an otter is essentially twink + bodyhair, and there’s a whole host of other words for other body types.

The definition of “bear” is a little more flexible than “twink”, although it generally comes down to the inverses of those same 3 criteria. The most important of these is the bodyhair requirement; any definition you find of bear includes something about being hairy. Almost as important as bodyhair is body type, although “bear” covers a slightly larger range than twink in that regard. Usually, “bear” indicates that someone is large or plus-sized, although it can also sometimes be used to describe someone who is muscular in the sense that they are beefy (if you can see a 6 pack, he’s probably not a bear). It’s also sometimes associated with being slightly older, but that’s not nearly as important, and “bear” can refer to any age. The term “cub” refers to mlm with the same body type as a bear, but who are smooth and young.

Now, let’s get into some misconceptions/controversies surrounding these terms. The first of these is that twink and bear are the only two options, and that all mlm fall into one of these two categories, or that other terms are simply variations on those two main terms. This misconception is really only one held by people who aren’t mlm themselves (or are, but are only just learning the terminology). These terms are extremely specific, and the fact of the matter is that the vast majority of mlm don’t fit into either of these categories. And that’s ok! There are a ton of other words mlm use to describe themselves. I’ve already mentioned “otter” and “cub”; there’s also “jock”, which refers to muscular mlm; “wolf”, which also refers to muscular mlm, but specifically hairy ones (with a bit of overlap with the “beefier bears” I mentioned earlier); the relatively new term “twunk” which you may know from this video as “a combination twink and hunk”; and many many more. In addition, all of these categories are really just physical descriptions of your body, and don’t have any bearing on anything else. You don’t need to fit into any of them.

That being said, there are a number of stereotypes associated with these terms, and it is important to address them.

Our next misconception is one that’s as common among mlm as as it is among everyone else: that twinks are by definition fem, and bears are by definition masc. “Masc” and “fem”, short for masculine and feminine respectively, come with their own host of problems, and that is a can of worms that I am not going to open up right now. This post is long enough as it is. If you want the sparknotes version of the controversy surrounding the masc-fem dichotomy, it basically boils down to misogyny, transphobia, and internalized homophobia. But back to twinks and bears: I would like to assume that it’s obvious that your body type or bodyhair has absolutely no impact  on your personal presentation of gender. There are plenty of fem bears and masc twinks. But unfortunately, most people don’t seem to get this. And this super important, because the gendered way we think of these terms affects everything else I’ll be talking about in the remainder of this post.

My next point, which is really and observation based on my experience in the gay community, is that bear as a term seems to be much less… loaded. However, being a twink myself, there might be a gap in my personal experience, so any bears feel free to correct me. However, from what I’ve seen, “bear” isn’t really used as an insult in the way “twink” is. Which is a bit of a miracle, considering how prevalent fat-shaming is in the gay community. From what I’ve seen, bear isn’t a term that’s forced on you, it’s a term that bears choose for themselves, almost always in a positive way. It’s a term associated with body positivity, and bear communities seem to be much less toxic than the gay community as a whole. Even when it’s used to describe someone else, it’s always a neutral statement of fact. I don’t think I’ve ever seen it used as an insult, or even sarcastically. The worst I’ve seen of it is that it’s used as a porn category, which contributes to the fetishization of fat people; but then again, twink and jock are also porn categories, so it would be weird for bear not to be. This isn’t to suggest that bears are treated better than anyone else in the gay community, if anything they’re treated worse; just that the word “bear” itself has neutral to positive connotations. (Again, any bears correct me on this if you’ve seen it used negatively!)

Twink, on the other hand, is absolutely used as an insult, and frequently. And while this may sometimes be harmless, more often than not it’s really problematic. If you’re plus-sized and you use twink as an insult in the same vein that Nicki Minaj said “fuck the skinny bitches”, that’s completely fine. Twinks are seen as being desirable (if they behave a certain way; more on that later), so effectively it’s punching up instead of punching down. However, a good 95% of the time that “twink” is used as an insult, it really comes from one of the many stereotypes that all essentially boil down to the idea that twinks are fem. And the idea that being fem is inherently bad and insult worthy is, once again, rooted in misogyny, transphobia, and internalized homophobia. 

This association between twinks and femininity also has a lot of scary implications on the beauty standards twinks are held to. I’ve noticed that twinks fill a niche in the gay community that is similar to the role cis women are supposed to fill in western culture as large, and that we’re only seen as sexually valuable if we perform the same behaviors and meet the same beauty standards that are typically reserved for women. We’re bottoms by default, submissive both in and out of the bedroom (yes I actually am a sub bottom, but that’s beside the point). We’re supposed to maintain a completely smooth, hairless appearance; a shaved ass is the bare minimum of hygiene. I once met a guy on grindr who demanded that I be completely hairless everywhere beneath my eyelashes, and while that’s a bit extreme, he was by no means an outlier. Just today I talked to a guy who wanted me hairless between my neck and knees. We’re often seen as vapid and stupid, and infantilization of twinks is rampant (some guys put way too much emphasis on the young part of the definition). And, to cap it all off, there’s the racism! Who’d’a thunk that all forms of oppression are connected? (sarcasm). Twinks can of course be any race, but the ones you’ll see men on grindr going after the most are white or light-skinned Asian twinks. Combine that with stereotypes of Black, Latino, and Middle Eastern men as dominant and aggressive, and you have a whole slew of white supremacist ideas painted over with a thin coat of gay porn.  (mlm of color who’d like to add or correct me on anything, please do so!)

I’ll end this already long post with a comparatively brief discussion on who these terms apply to. Basically, if you’re an mlm and you fit the definition of “twink” or “bear”, congratulations! You’re a twink/bear! “Can bi men use these terms?” Of course! “What about trans men?” Are you attracted to men and male-aligned people? Then of course! That last one might be controversial to some cis gays, and to that I say fuck right off. However, it does get a bit muddier with trans women and transfem nonbinary people and the word twink. Trans women are absolutely not mlm, but many of them have been a part of mlm communities for a long time, often before they even realized they were trans, and some may be reluctant to give up the word twink (I haven’t seen this for bear, although again, lmk if you’ve seen evidence to the contrary). And on top of that, a lot of cis men looking to have sex with trans women conflate trans women and cis twinks. Because remember what I said about twinks filling the niche of women? It’s often a niche they share with trans women, except trans women have it even worse, because they are actually women. My two cents is, if a trans woman wants to refer to herself as a twink, she’s more than welcome to. Just don’t go around calling trans women “twinks” unless they specifically say you can; it’s a gendered term, you are misgendering them, and, once again, you can fuck right off. (trans women also please comment if you want!)

Well, anon, I bet you weren’t expecting a post this long. At least I hope y’all learned something! Be gay do crimes!

[mirandaputsherbestbuttforward]

ok so since i’m a petty lesbian and since I also don’t want to start an argument on someone else’s post,  i’m gonna just... make my own (as you know, the new post button is Free). 

So to begin, Aleksandra “Zarya” Zaryanova is Butch. 

As a disclaimer, I don’t know what the original poster’s identity is, and they can think what they want, but as a butch lesbian myself, this is my justification.

So, first of all to combat their post, the claim that Zarya paints her nails and matches every colour scheme... yes, she does, but do you notice how decidedly short her nails are kept? And it’s not “just the model” - Sombra and Moira both have long nails (though the former’s are retractable, ha). 

Next point, I wouldn’t say her make up is “the most” she could wear - it’s eyeliner and eye shadow. Where’s the lipstick? The foundation? Highlight? I don’t really see contour here tbh. 

The pants comment doesn’t really make sense because hello.. she’s a soldier.... she kind of has to. It’s not like she’s going to wear a skimpy skirt into combat with rogue omnics??? And also @ her barbarian skin? That’s the only one where she’s not wearing pants or shorts (and the times she isn’t is either her WEIGHTLIFTER SKINS which are leotards or the leggings of her 80′s skin, both of which i would argue can go both ways butch/femme). 

As for the hair? It’s a fucking undercut. I swear to god it’s a variation of That Butch Hairstyle(tm) that like... every 1/3 butches has. Yes, it’s pink - it’s evidently her favourite colour but is it really Exclusively Femme? No!!!! Butches wear pink like anything else!

ANYWAY, onto my own arguments:

1. Background Lore

So, yes, she was a child who witnessed the first Omnic Crisis and decided she wanted to grow up and become STRONG and her way of doing that was by becoming a weightlifter/powerlifter. She became so well known as a potential Olympic champion that Russia really promoted her as a Champion, etc etc. Then on the eve of the competition, war broke out, Zarya left, and then enlisted into the Russian military to help fight and protect those that can’t protect themselves. During this time, through training *(and for some time, considering she holds the rank of LIEUTENANT now), at some point, quite literally RIPPED THE GUN OFF OF A TRUCK TO FIGHT IN BATTLE - literally took it off with her bare hands and used it - and modified it herself which.... speaks to butchness in being mechanically inclined and doing things hands on. 

Second point for this: she’s currently been hired on by KATYA VOLSKAYA - the powerful CEO of Volskaya Industries, and most notably, a Power Suit (Lesbian) Woman. Zarya is incredibly loyal to Katya, reveres her as a hero to the people of Russia, even despite Sombra’s claims to blackmail Katya, etc. She had no question, no doubt for what Katya asks her to do - a butch loyally helping out a respected femme... sounds pretty butch and gay to me. 

2. Her stance 

So for this, i have screen caps to demonstrate. 

a) Default stance. Feet apart, hands on her belt, not necessarily the sides of her hips, head cocked to the side, eyeing those before her. Strong, confident, decidedly masculine with how pronounced her presence is. 

b) If you haven’t been drawn to her crotch plate, you’re looking at the wrong place. This post is specifically made to draw you in to that point of her, which is aligned with the notion of Male Crotch Display (there’s more on that, google it, you’ll find more). It’s very in your face, very “Look At Me And How Dominant and Assertive and Powerful I am” which is... a lot of butch demeanour is in the sense of making yourself known and defying societal expectations for “traditional” submissive femininity. 

c) and not to sound repetitive, but if the big firework isn’t an allusion to a big dick  joke...... and the way she’s looking at you.... like... Look What I Have and How Big and Strong I Am. it’s cocky, it’s confident, and honestly, dick, strap on, whatever, there’s a lot of Butch mannerisms going on here. 

Anyways, That’s really my argument for it but on a more serious note, we LACK butch representation, in any and all forms in shows/games/movies, and it would be nice for once, you know, to let us have someone so unapologetically butch.

That’s all, thanks for coming to my TED talk. 

[isobelfree]

84-108 and i love your blog title! i just realized it now lol

Ahaha thank you!! It really describes me to a tee 😂84. How much do you like cats? I like them a lot!! I’m more of a dog person but I love cats too85. Have you ever been to a gay bar or a gay club? I have not, I would like to though 86. How many LGBT friends do you have? LOL like hardly any...I want more queer friends so bad lmao87. Do you have any LGBT relatives? Nope. I am the Gay Cousin88. Have you ever used any words (or variations of) such as lesbian, queer, gay, or homosexual as a password? No but that is an excellent idea 89. How outdoorsy are you? Not very LOL90. Have you ever driven an SUV, Jeep, or pickup truck? Nope, not really into it 91. How many rainbow items do you own? Ahahaha...a lot 92. Have you ever celebrated National Coming Out Day (Oct. 11)? No, but I might in the future 93. Have you ever participated in the National Day of Silence? No I have not 94. Have you ever attended a GSA (Gay Straight Alliance) type of club? Nah man, I thought I was straight in high school lol95. Have you ever attended a PFLAG (Parents & Friends of Lesbians and Gays) meeting? Nope96. Have you ever attended a gay or lesbian wedding? I WISH97. Have you ever been part of a softball team? LOL I’m not sporty at all 98. Do you skateboard or longboard at all? See above99. Do you play any video games? NahFROM 1-10, HOW ATTRACTIVE ARE:100. Muscular women?Like anywhere from a 5 to a 10 tbh depending on how muscley they are (I’m not into like bodybuilder types)101. Women who wear glasses?Depends on the girl! I like girls who can see. 102. Women who are covered with tattoos?Probs at least a 6 or 7, perhaps more 103. Women who are covered with piercings?Somewhere like a 4 or 5 probs, I’m not super into piercings 104. Curvy/plus-sized women?Umm could be anywhere up to 10?? Not about to generalize an entire group of women based on their weight tbh105. Women with short hair?Probs somewhere between a 5 to an 8106. Highly intelligent women?Depends on how pretentious she is about it107. Tall women (i.e. around 1.83 meters/6 feet or taller)?Um....10. I love tall girls. 108. Masculine/butch women?I would say it depends on how masculine she presents! I’ve found myself into more of the “soft butch” kind of type but super butch girls are not generally my typeThanks for sending in questions! :)

[box-0f-cats]

1-130....❤

SEXUALITY & COMING OUT:1. How do you define your sexuality? Bisexual 2. What pronouns do you use to identify yourself? She/her 3. At what age did you first suspect that you are sexually attracted to other girls? 134. At what age did you come to terms with your sexuality? 155. Did you have an “aha I like girls” moment or was it more of a gradual realization? Gradual realization6. How did your sexuality make you feel before you came out? Nervous, embarrassed, emotional 7. How did you become comfortable with your sexuality? Surrounding myself around people who were comfortable with it8. At what age did you first come out?139. Who was the first person you came out to? How did they take it? My mum, not very well. She saw texts on my phone10. Do your parents know about your sexuality? Yes11. How out are you? The whole way12. Do you now identify as something different than when you first came out? No, although people presume I'm a lesbian alot13. Was anyone surprised when you came out or did people seem to already know? I don't think anyone already knew 14. Has coming out lost you any friends?Yes 15. How soon after meeting someone do you usually tell them about your sexuality? That depends on the person 16. How difficult do you find it to sympathize with straight women? Not very17. Have you ever wished you were completely straight? Only before i came out 18. Agree or disagree: Everyone is at least a little bit gay. Disagree 19. If you are not a lesbian, about what percentage of the time do you find yourself attracted to other girls? I think about my girlfriend 24/720. Do you think it is possible to be a true 50/50 bisexual, or is the percentage always skewed towards one gender? I think it depends on the person21. How often do you find yourself trying to sneak a peek or stare at a cute girl? Every time I'm on skype 22. How accurate is your gaydar?Pretty accurate RELATIONSHIPS & DATING:23. What is your current relationship status? Basically a married old couple24. What is the longest relationship you’ve been in? Are you still with that person?4 years, no25. Do you remember anything about the first time you kissed another girl? Yes26. Are you a virgin? If not, what gender did you lose your virginity to? No, male27. What is your ideal first date? Somewhere you can talk, doesn't have to be expensive but somewhere/something that you both enjoy going/doing28. What personality trait are you most attracted to? Trusting29. How flirty are you? Not very, more sarcastic 30. Would you ever want to get married, if not already? Yes31 Do you want have children someday? Maybe32. Would you ever want to give birth?Maybe33. How often are you asked if you have a boyfriend?a lot34. Have you ever liked or dated a girl with the same name as you? Yep35. Have you ever been on your period the same time as a girlfriend? Yep36. Have you and a girlfriend ever been mistaken for sisters? Alot37. Have you ever been in a long distance relationship? Yes38. Have you ever dated a guy? Yes 39. Has a girl ever dumped you for a guy? Yes Have you? No 40. Has another girl ever hit on you? Yes41. Have you ever had a crush on a straight girl? No 42. Have you ever had a crush on a woman who’s significantly older than you? Yes43. Would you ever date a trans woman? I haven't ever thought about it44. Have you ever had a profile on a LGBT dating website or app? No45. Where do you think is the best place to meet a potential lover? In my case.. here or at a festival..46. Do you consider yourself a hopeless romantic?PHYSICAL APPEARANCE:47. Have you ever cut your hair super short? If not, would you ever want to? No, only when i cant be arsed with straightening my hair48. Is your nose pierced? No49. What is your opinion on septum/bull nose piercings? I love them50. Do you have any tattoos? If so, of what and where? Yes, a plane with a love heart, on my forearm51. How muscular are you? Very little 52. Are you or have you ever been a tomboy? No53. Have you ever been told that you don’t look gay, or that you’re too pretty to be gay? I've been told i don't look gay54. Have you ever been mistaken as a dude?NoFASHION STYLE:55. Do you wear skirts and dresses? If so, how often? Nope56. Do you wear high heels? If so, how often? Sometimes, when going out for drinks57. How much jewelry do you typically wear? A necklace 58. How much makeup do you typically wear? Only when going out for drinks 59. How often do you wear a bra? Everyday60. How often do you wear flannel?not often61. Have you ever worn a suit? No62. Do you wear any shoes such as combat boots, Doc Martins or Timberlands? No63. Do you carry a purse? No64. Do you wear any hats such as snapbacks or beanies? Sometimes 65. Have you ever worn any men’s clothing? Yes66. Have you ever dressed in complete drag? No67. Have you ever shared clothes with a girlfriend? Yes68. If you want to get married, do you think you will wear a dress? YesENTERTAINMENT:69. Who is your favorite LGBT celebrity? Ellen70. Have you ever watched The L Word? Yes71. Have you ever watched Will & Grace? Yes72. Have you ever watched RuPaul’s Drag Race? No73. How well do you feel LGBT women are portrayed on television? Not often, if they are it's hidden alot 74. Do you listen to any LGBT musicians (i.e. Tegan & Sara, Melissa Etheridge, Chely Wright, Elton John, Sam smith, George Michael, Adam Lambert)? Not really75. Do you watch any LGBT YouTubers? Yes 76. Do you have a favorite LGBT themed movie? No77. Do you have a favorite LGBT themed blog or website? No78. Do you read any LGBT magazines? No79. Have you read any LGBT themed literature? If so, do you have any recommendations? No80. Is there such a thing as “good” lesbian porn? I'm sure there is, out there somewhere, not directed by a manTHIS OR THAT:81. Boobs or butts? Depends on the person82. Beer or wine? Beer83. Ellen or Portia? EllenBEING (SOMEWHAT) RANDOM:84. How much do you like cats? Not lots85. Have you ever been to a gay bar or a gay club? Yes, once 86. How many LGBT friends do you have? Not a lot87. Do you have any LGBT relatives? Yes88. Have you ever used any words (or variations of) such as lesbian, queer, gay, or homosexual as a password? No89. How outdoorsy are you? I do like to be, but I'm not often90. Have you ever driven an SUV, Jeep, or pickup truck? No91. How many rainbow items do you own? None92. Have you ever celebrated National Coming Out Day (Oct. 11)? No93. Have you ever participated in the National Day of Silence? No94. Have you ever attended a GSA (Gay Straight Alliance) type of club? No95. Have you ever attended a PFLAG (Parents & Friends of Lesbians and Gays) meeting? No96. Have you ever attended a gay or lesbian wedding? Yes97. Have you ever been part of a softball team? No98. Do you skateboard or longboard at all? No, i used to skateboard99. Do you play any video games? Not oftenFROM 1-10, HOW ATTRACTIVE ARE:100. Muscular women? I don't look at sizes or muscles/ femininity to decide how attractive someone is101. Women who wear glasses? 10102. Women who are covered with tattoos? 10 103. Women who are covered with piercings? 10104. Curvy/plus-sized women? Question 100105. Women with short hair? 10106. Highly intelligent women? 10107. Tall women (i.e. around 1.83 meters/6 feet or taller)? 10108. Masculine/butch women? See 100Just because someone has tattoos, glasses ect doesn't make them attractive, although i am extremely in love with someone who has both - Looks are nothing without personality GETTING SERIOUS:109. What does equality mean to you? I believe in equal rights, women and men should have equal values and be able to do so without being judged 110. Do you consider yourself a feminist? No 111. Do you eat meat at all? Most meat112. Are you religious at all? No113. How do you feel about the terms “woman crush” and “girl crush”? It doesn't bother me114. How do you feel when platonic female friends refer to each other as girlfriends? It kind of annoys me115. How do you feel when people use the word gay to mean things such as stupid, dumb, boring, or idiotic? It's kind of annoying, if used by someone that's homophobic. Otherwise it doesn't bother me116. Are you comfortable with terms such as lezzie, lesbo, dyke, homo, or tranny? Those words annoy the life out of me117. What are your views on gender identity and bathroom use? If you identify yourself as a female, regardless of surgery you should be able to use female bathrooms118. Do you have any opinions on LGBT people in the military? No, it should be allowed just like any heterosexual man or woman.119. Have you ever been called a gay slur? Yes120. Have you ever been queer bashed? Yes121. Have you ever been discriminated against because of your sexuality or gender identity? If so, please explain. No122. Does it really get better? Yes123. Americans: How did you feel on June 26, 2015?124. How accepting of LGBT people is the city/community you live in? It has its moments 125. Have you ever tried to “pray the gay away”? No126. How annoyed are you with how heteronormative society is? 127. What LGBT stereotype do you most disagree with? 128. Is there anything about the LGBT community that you wish you knew before coming out? No129. What advice would you give to a girl who is struggling to figure out her sexuality?130. What advice would you give to a girl who is struggling to come out? Just wait until you feel like you're ready. Not to be afraid of everyones response

[reginaldbelchhuggins-blog]

The Short and Miserable Romance of Victor Criss

Pairings: Henry x Victor, with some side Butch x Mrs Criss Rating: M Warnings for this chapter: Violence against children, implied/referenced domestic abuse, period-typical ableism and attitudes Warnings for later chapters: Violence, homophobia, racism, and sexism that are all period-typical; canon-standard content; underage sex, smoking, and drinking; noncon elements (but no actual noncon); canonical character death; major character death; strong language Chapters: 1, [2], [3], [4], [5], [6], [7] Ao3: [x] Summary:

Told from Victor's perspective, each chapter details either a first or last moment of Vic's growing relationship with Henry Bowers as they navigate homophobia, mental issues, and the growing influence of It. The first two chapters are pre-1988, the middle two will be where the sex is, and the final two are where the romance goes south

Chapter 7 could act as a stand-alone told from Henry’s perspective

Story prompt: The first and last Meeting/Kiss/Time of your OTP

A/N: This is their first meeting. According to the book, they met in first grade, but I’ve got them around the age of 5 here:

July 1978

“Victor Andrew Criss, you get back here this instant!” 

The tiny blonde was flying down the street. His little Harley Davidson boots never touched the ground. The woman chasing him – her husband’s leather belt tight in hand – hadn’t run since high school. That had been two and half Vic’s ago. Red-faced and panting, she was determined not to lose sight of him.

“Your daddy’s gonna whoop your ass red, boy!”

He ran straight down Jackson Street and hooked a left at Witcham. His boots slipped against the smooth cement, but he managed to stay upright. He kept track of his directions in his mind, knowing he’d have to go home some day. Maybe after a week, or a month, or even a few months. However long it took for his parents to realize that coming here was the worst decision they could have made .

Maybe he’d go back to Portland himself. Someone here must know how to get there and would be willing to give him a ride. He had two dollars in his pocket to pay for it.

But Papaw Criss had died, and now Vic’s dad decided they were going to be farmers. He didn’t care that Mama Criss had to leave her good job working in that office with the asshole boss (her words). He didn't care that they could no longer afford McDonald’s on the weekends. Papa didn’t care that their house was smaller, and smellier, or that there were rats in the basement. Papa didn’t care that it would take the entire family to work the land, and, frankly speaking, Vic didn’t want to. Papa Criss didn’t care about anyone but himself, and his sudden desire to recapture his youth.

Or at least that’s what his Mama told Angela Bartlett on the phone the night before the moving van arrived. Though Vic didn’t know what it meant, he agreed with it all the same. Because the way she said it, he knew it was something only an asshole would do.

“VICTOR ANDREW! STOP!” His mother’s voice sounded far away. He could hear the raw force in it, though. She was steamin’ mad, but he didn’t dare look back. He didn’t dare stop. As soon as he stopped, she’d be lifting him by one arm and whipping him with the other. So he lowered his head to fight the wind, and ran even faster.

Vic didn’t see the man until they were colliding. The child’s entire weight slammed into the back of the man’s knee, forcing it to buckle; but the man’s reflexes were fast. He caught himself on one knee. His hand swung out with deliberate force, curling into a fist only moments before it caught Vic above his right eye . Fire exploded across Vic’s face. The force of the punch knocked him off his feet. As the back of his head bounced off the sidewalk, the world went bright white for a few seconds, and then black.

 Vic woke for a brief moment. Someone was carrying him, cradling him like he was a baby. It wasn’t his Mama, but someone with big, round arms, who smelled like cigarettes and barbeque. Vic tried to protest being carried , but his words came out slurred and messy. His Mama’s hand popped up from nowhere, petting his hair. She shushed him.

"Go back to sleep, baby. You’re alright.”

He might have tried to fight it, but his eyes were so heavy, and the world had gone fuzzy. He rested his face against the man’s chest, and drifted away again.

 When consciousness returned in full, Vic was in bed, staring at the walls he'd wake up to every day for the rest of his life. Someone had removed his shoes, bandaged up his head, and tucked him in. He moved to undo all, but sitting up made the dull ache in his brain into a regular ache, and then it became a throbbing ache. His brain was thumping so loud against his skull, he almost didn’t hear the small voice asking him if it was alright.

“Huh?” Vic asked, turning so he could see who spoke.

Looking the same age as Vic, there was a boy sitting on a fold out chair beside the bed. He was taller than Victor by an inch, and had the sort of thin, hay-colored hair baby dolls had. He also had the face of a baby doll, with big blue eyes, and a small mouth. Boys weren’t supposed to be pretty, but Vic couldn’t think of another way to say it. The boy was pretty, and Vic couldn’t stop smiling when the boy looked at him. He liked it when the boy looked at him, but couldn't say why.

He was reading Vic’s comics and sipping from a Pepsi bottle with a straw in it. As he noticed Vic staring, he began to hold the Pepsi closer to his chest. Vic could see some second thoughts cross his mind. He held it out to Vic instead, turning the straw so it was easier for him to take a sip. It was the best tasting soda Vic had ever had.

“Butch got you good,” the boy said. His voice was lower than Vic’s, and already had a quality Vic would come to associate with drinking. “He said you might have a concussion.”

“Who’s Butch?” Vic asked, wincing as he remembered his headache. It seemed to make it stronger.

“My dad,” the boy answered, as if it wasn’t strange to call his dad anything other than some variation of father.

“Oh,” Vic said. The boy was straight forward and plain. It got Vic thinking that maybe he was wrong and that maybe in places other than Portland that was a normal thing. “What’s a concussion?”

“I don’t know but you’re probably going to the hospital,” the boy said. He seemed worried. He set the Pepsi down on the floor, and then held up some fingers, remembering something he saw on TV. “How many fingers am I holding up?”

Vic counted them slowly, trying to not to aggravate the pain. “Three.”

“Okay, you’re good then. Just get some iced peas and a glass of wine. That’s what my mom does when Butch gets her good.”

Vic nodded. What the boy was saying didn’t make sense. How were peas supposed to help a headache? But he said it with such confidence that Vic couldn’t help but think he knew what he was talking about.

They sat in silence for only a few seconds, and then the boy’s mouth was running miles a minute. He showed Vic the comics he’d picked out to read. Even though they were Vic’s, he started talking to him about them like Vic wouldn't know anything. Vic hardly got a word in edgewise, and it was usually, “Oh yeah!” or “Cool.” But the boy had come alive, and his eyes sparkled as he pointed out some detail in the background of the page. Vic’d never seen anyone so passionate about something before. It had him charmed and mesmerized.

The boy was soon sitting on the bed beside him. The Pepsi shared between them, the boy went on about his comic book theories.

“He has to be in Batman’s brain because he always knows what Batman’s doing. Plus my dad has the same thing. He fought against the Vietcong and sometimes he thinks people are there when they aren’t.”

Vic didn’t know what a Vietcong was, but he’d heard Papa say that sometimes, so it was a thing that existed. It drew up some image of a giant monkey, though, so that's what he saw. He giggled at the thought of seeing one that didn’t really exist walking about. It made him remember the game he used to play. That was before Papa had backhanded him across the mouth and told him to grow up, of course.

"That game's for little babies and psychos," he'd said. Vic had started crying, even as he insisted he wasn't either one.

“Yeah, but you don’t see them because they’re ‘maginary,” Vic said. “Robin sees the Joker, too. So he’s real.”

“This is comic books,” the boy said, making a face like that answered everything. In a way, Vic supposed it did. They both started laughing at that.

“I’m Victor, by the way. Victor Criss.”

“Henry. Bowers,” the boy said, holding out his hand. Vic shook it, and when their skin touched, he felt something pass between them.

When Vic looked into Henry's eyes, he saw loneliness. He was like Vic: filled with passions and aspirations, looking for someone to share them with. But unlike Vic, he'd lost his boyhood innocence already. His arms were already sporting purple and blue marks from the lessons he'd learned so far. When Henry looked into him, he must’ve seen something too, because they both kept holding on.

Vic wondered if this is what it felt like to have a brother.

Lacing their fingers together in that way Vic sometimes saw in magazines, the two glanced at the door. They didn’t think they were doing anything wrong, but they’d also learned a long time ago their parents often thought different .

Henry’s voice dropped into a conspirator’s whisper: “Do you like firecrackers?”

Vic nodded.

The mischievous smile that took over Henry’s face made Vic feel very happy in a way he didn’t fully understand. So they were both grinning ear to ear as he crept closer to Vic, and revealed that he had a pocket full of them.

“Can I come over when you set them off?” Vic asked, his voice also very soft and very low.

“Fuck yeah. I got a bunch of crap toys I plan on blowing up after cartoons tomorrow.”

Vic smiled at Henry using a bad word, but the smile faltered when something occurred to him. “I don’t know where you live…”

“Oh, then I’ll come over here. Butch works until later and he can pick me up. I think he'd like to talk to your mom again. They've been talking in your dad's room for a really long time."

Vic blinked. Henry shrugged.

"I have some XMen comics in that box over there..."

 Butch and Henry stayed for dinner. Mama had a dreamy look in her eyes as she served them sirloin and potatoes. Papa had bought that food for their anniversary. But whatever she and Butch had talked about put her in such a good mood, she must've forgot. Her cheeks were even a nice shade of pink, making her look like a little girl. The front door opened and Papa appeared. He had worked his last day at the supermarket, and the smile on his face match the one on his wife's. 

"You boys go on and watch TV," Papa ordered, clapping Butch on the back. "Let us grown ups talk." 

That was code for let us get drunk. The boys shot them curious glances, and then were out in the living room. They had no way of knowing Oscar "Butch" Bowers and Andy Criss Jr were once old school mates, but the laughter coming from the kitchen was loud and hearty, and they knew they wouldn't be interrupted anytime soon. Henry's hand crept over to grab Vic's, and Vic let him take it. They sat that way until Henry passed out. Vic undid their fingers and pretended to be asleep when Butch came to collect his son. He seemed less like a psycho when he cradled his sleeping boy then when he knocked Vic out. The potential was still there, though.

Mama and Papa saw them to the door. They didn’t move Vic back to his room. They turned off the television set and went about their evening unpacking. Vic couldn't make out the hushed argument they were having, but he could hear their tones and knew they were having one . It would be the first of many that ended with one of the other of them in the kitchen, and the other in the bedroom.

Pretending to be asleep became being asleep. Although he'd be waking up in that miserable house, Vic didn't mind it, anymore. He had a whole day of playing with Henry to look forward to. He would recall, years later, that they never did take him to the hospital. In fact, he could pinpoint that memory as the exact moment in time when his parents changed. It was subtle, at first, but they did change as all parents in Derry changed. They became less of a presence in his life, less invested. Almost like they had been preparing for his death from the moment it was decided they belonged there.

That day, Vic didn't know anything about it. So he slept peacefully, and dreamed of the day ahead.

[caserobard]

All the questions you haven't answered ;)

lmao katie ilysm

this is hella long, answers are short and sweet bc I did them on my lunch break earlier and not formatted nicely but whatevs still fun innit

answers under the cut bc this is long

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? Spotify!

is your room messy or clean?Clean, can’t deal with messy

what color are your eyes?Brown

do you like your name? why?Yes! There’s a lot of variations I can do with Katherine (hence Katii) and also this better than Margaret which was originally my first name lol 

what is your relationship status? In a queerpaltonic relationship with this lovely bean 

describe your personality in 3 words or lessIt’s difficult to put into words.But if I had to choose three, I’dsay ‘really, really gay’. Wait,that’s two. How about ‘really, verygay’? (10 points in you get the reference losers) [EDIT: I FORGOT TO CHANGE THE WORDS WHEN I COPIED THIS QUOTE WAS MEANT TO BE A JOKE ABOUT HOW GAY I AM EVERYTHING IS A-OKAY AND I’M NOT SAD OOOPS]

what color hair do you have?Brown, might get it dyed in October though! 

what kind of car do you drive? color?n/a

where do you shop?Online mostly lol. Also anyway that sells clothes or beauty products bc I’m weak for them 

how would you describe your style?Gay (I flit berween femme and soft butch, but mainly soft butch at the min)

favorite social media accountThis hellsite which for me isn’t so much of a hellsite now I’m unfollowing people who post things I don’t like and following more blogs that post stuff I want to, highkey recommend being proactive in making your experience on tumblr dot com the best it can be if you think it’s a bit shitty tbh bc now I love it

what size bed do you have? Double  

any siblings?One brother

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?Um idk? Somewhere similar to where I am right now I guess 

favorite snapchat filter? That one that smooths your skin out a bit and makes you look extra pretty

favorite makeup brand(s)I’m digging this wonderful palette from Two Faced at the minute even tho they’re hella expensive

how many times a week do you shower?4-5 depending on when I can be fucked lol 

favorite tv show?At the minute probs Brooklyn 99, I’m also rewatching Gavin and Stacey though which is my childhood and a British gem tbh

shoe size?5

how tall are you?5"3

sandals or sneakers? Sandals maybe?? idk

do you go to the gym? NAH

describe your dream dateme and u doing p much anything lesbihonest how gay is that

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?£20, some change and like $40 leftover from our holiday lol 

what color socks are you wearing? Black tights 

how many pillows do you sleep with?Just the one 

do you have a job? what do you do? Technically my title is managing director but that’s not actually what I do lol, I do purchasing and PA everybody 

how many friends do you have?????? Idk bro like a few????? Half of them I never really see so 

whats the worst thing you have ever done? Does dating count lmao

whats your favorite candle scent? There’s this Moroccan blush rose one we have at home and it’s gorgeous 

3 favorite boy names/3 favorite girl namesI don’t really have favourite names so???????

favorite actor? DEREK KLENA

favorite actress? CHRISTY ALTOMARE 

who is your celebrity crush?Derek Klena or Christy Altomare

favorite movie? Peter Pan 2003

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? Yes! And my all time fave is The Night Circus, other current faves include Harry Potter (as always), The Raven Cycle and the Shades of Magic Series

money or brains? Money lmao I’ve already got enough brains thanks

do you have a nickname? what is it? I have a few! The most consistent one is Kit Kat 

how many times have you been to the hospital?A lot man bc disability lmao

top 10 favorite songsum idk the entirity of the Anastasia Boradway soundtrack?

do you take any medications daily? Nope

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)Oily

what is your biggest fear? Not being in control lmao  

how many kids do you want? None

whats your go to hair style?Literally get up, brush it and maybe shove some dry shampoo in it and make sure I’ve got no weird flicky bits 

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) Semi detached 

who is your role model? Myself lmao

what was the last compliment you received?“I love your nail polish!”

what was the last text you sent?“On the train x”

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?Like 8 or 9?

what is your dream car?I guess a Mini??  opinion on smoking?No thanks 

do you go to college? Nopewould you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? I’m not too fussy but I guess rural?

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? Always

do you have freckles? A few

do you smile for pictures?If it’s a selfie then I pout but if someone else is taking it I smile 

how many pictures do you have on your phone? Currently 155

have you ever peed in the woods? Probably 

do you still watch cartoons? Yeah 

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?Macca’s since we don’t have Wendy’s over here

Favorite dipping sauce? Sweet chilli 

what do you wear to bed? Pajamas

have you ever won a spelling bee?Nope 

what are your hobbies?Sewing, reading, crying about fictional characters 

can you draw? No chance 

do you play an instrument?Nope

tea or coffee?Neither 

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?Neither 

do you want to get married?To you ;)

what is your crush’s first and last initial?DK (Derek Klena) or DB (Delilah Bard….fictional characters count, right???)

are you going to change your last name when you get married? No bc then we might both have the same name lmao

what color looks best on you? Black 

do you miss anyone right now? I miss Derek Klena lol

do you sleep with your door open or closed?Closed

do you believe in ghosts?Yeah 

what is your biggest pet peeve? I don’t really know??last person you called?My dadfavorite ice cream flavor? Mint chocolate 

regular oreos or golden oreos? Regular 

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? 🌈what shirt are you wearing? My work polo 

what is your phone background?Christy Altomare 

are you outgoing or shy????? Idk

do you like it when people play with your hair?Yeah it’s alright I guess 

do you like your neighbors? Love them!

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?Yes to both

have you ever been high? No

have you ever been drunk? No

last thing you ate? A Kit Kat chunky 

favorite lyrics right now“there are some who survive, some who don’t. some give up, some give in. me, I won’t.”

summer or winter? Winter  

day or night?Night ????? This changes on the reg lol 

dark, milk, or white chocolate? ALWAYS MILK

favorite month? Don’t really have one???

what is your zodiac signAquarius 

who was the last person you cried in front of? Idek???????? Maybe you??????? We both cried at Anastasia so probably you tbh

Second one is coming your way at some point!! xoxo 

[twistednuns]

July 2017

"(Der Realschulabschluss ist) kein Gegner." (Frau Freitag) I need to refer to things as Gegner or Endboss more often.

Butter croissants. The SMELL of butter croissants. Divine.

Neon green fireflies. It's so rare to see one around here!

Discovering the many functions of my new shower head. Rain simulation! Cleaning and bug-removing tool! Pleasure!

The word hinreißend.

Moss green against dark, rich purple.

My gorgeous gay weekend (I wish): Before attending the CSD parade and meeting Becky and her children in the city on Saturday afternoon, I met up with Markus at Goetheplatz the night before to get a few beers at Flex. It turned out to be one of the more magical nights of the year. Reasons as follows: 1. I befriended the bar lady, she was awfully nice and drank free caramel vodka with us. 2. I kept seeing tiny little mice all over the city. So much better than the huge rats most other cities have... Munich is gentle. 3. We discovered a Späti on Lindwurmstraße where I got Gösser, white Gauloises with the jealous-girlfriend-picture and magic gum Knisterbrause. 4. We wanted to explore a "groovier terrain" and went off to Glockenbach. Beverly Kills was full and we still had our decently full Späti-beers so we walked on, destination Downtown Flash. Too expensive, too much hip hop, so we entered Prosecco Schlagerbar next door on a whim. I did not know it was a gay bar. Oh boy. But it was FUN. Hearts everywhere, Biene Maja, and then again some even worse music, I had to save Markus from a young Turkish gentleman who had fallen in love instantateously. Then we were both (!) approached by Richard, and oldish Arab - I managed to escape his kiss, Markus did not. And the best bit: that young Sean Connery from Berchtesgaden, so attractive and sympathetic Markus and I both agreed on taking him home with us. Well, we were too hetero for him in the end, but it was a bliss to meet such a beautiful, warm person. Who gave out little kisses all the time. The atmosphere in a gay bar is so much kinder, I wonder how they do it. I grow more and more weary of hetero men, let me tell you. (5. The last hostel party ever at Milla on Saturday. SHAKE IT OFF!!)

A big bunch of bright yellow sunflowers. A blue and white bowl filled with ripe apricots. Lush summer.

Speaking for all my lady friends, we all want some geeky, nerdy, polite and ridiculous mate who we can sit at home with, slagging off all the tossers, and waiting for our baked potatoes to be ready. Who, obviously, is additionally so hot for us he regularly crawls across the front room on his hands and knees, croaking, 'I must have sex with you now, or go literally insane.' Compared to that, Prince Charming looks like a total donk. (Caitlin Moran - 'How to Be a Woman')

The new IKEA cooperation with HAY (I want it all, I want it now)

Before the internet.

Lying in bed with a fever and severe tonsillitis. Which sucked and made me want to die on Sunday and Monday. On Tuesday, I still felt like shit but I was so grateful I could hold a book in my hands again. On Wednesday, I felt alright-ish but I was bored out of my mind. I bonded with Doris over baby squirrels and offended her with baby butch categorising. Creating a useless 11-page-instastory. Thursday however... so much energy upon waking up. That day was a gift. The whole morning to myself, cleaning up, doing the laundry, reading up on the city Izmir after finding out about its history in Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides which I read lying on the balcony in my pyjamas. Feeling the potential again. Energy, purpose and a will to live are rather nice things to have.

After reading this I realised that the next few weeks will forever be known as the summer before I turned 30. That article speaks to me on so many levels. "That summer I, too, was lingering undecided between two states. I knew—or at least I hoped—that the in-betweenness I was experiencing would most likely be short lived. For those of us whose lives are defined by the beginnings and ends of university semesters, there’s always something liminal about those empty summer months. As such, a part of me rested easy in the knowledge that whatever loneliness I was feeling would soon come to an end, and that, without the necessity of making a particular decision one way or the other, I would be thrown back into the slipstream that is life in a busy city." // "Of all the risqué behavior I indulged in during my youth, the period I spent not just single, but actively embracing my aloneness somehow feels like the most transgressive act of all." ('On the Literature of Solitude' by Lucy Scholes)

There is more: "Loneliness can be combated using this one weird trick: Hang clean laundry up. Doesn’t the air smell so good? I like to spend a long time in the laundry aisle of a supermarket, opening the bottles of fabric softener and sniffing them. I haven’t quite found the scent I am looking for: It is the particular scent of other people’s laundry. You see, other people’s laundry smells aspirational. I learned that there is nothing so healing, physically, to a lonely person, than to climb into a freshly made bed. It helps to feel swaddled, it helps not to succumb to squalor, and above all, it reminds me to take my makeup off at night." Eli Goldstone

Reading so many books. 15 at once. Trying to store everything in the far corners and niches of my twisted brain.

Sketching with a watercolor pencil, shading everything with copic markers, giving it some contours. Now I want more copic markers, of course. And gosh, I really wanna create more art. I'm dying on the inside, just a little, every time Ralf Nietmann posts a new illustration on Instagram. All that envy of the non-creator.

Dreaming of a beautiful apartment like this one.

How to raise a reader / How to better talk to children about their art.

Something I love about Alexandra: her use of gifs and emojis in messenger is always spot on / 100% relevant / hilarious.

I know I say this almost every month (with minor variations) but: Tonkotsu ramen from Yuzumuk and umeboshi onigiri. The Japanese simply know how to make delicious food.

A tiny 2:22:22 revival.

All those vivid dreams I'm having at the moment. Whole surreal narratives just before waking up.

Playing Winkekatze at a hip hop concert.

Wearing my high-femme summer dress from Other Stories. Trying out a new make-up style after years of basically doing the same all over again. Is that a goodbye to my usual dragqueen eye make-up?

Incredibly rich, salty, nutty pistachio ice-cream at Viktualienmarkt.

A dream about Landungsbrücken, everything being illuminated, a handsome apothecary who had my phone number but never called.

Elsa's wedding! She looked like and earth goddess - pregnant, empire waist dress, flower wreath in her hair. Playing Kubb with Julia, Franzi and Ralf. The MOST BEAUTIFUL MAN of the Oberpfalz (channelling Sirius Black as his style icon).

Reading Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides. What a pleasure.