#i say “our” like the fandom is a company im crying | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ennabear · 20 days ago

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OH OKAY SO I’M GONNA CRY. SO THATS WHATS GOING ON. AAAAAAAHSHBSWBEHHS I CANT BELIEVE ITS HEREEEEEE!!! BODYGUARD ABBY IM GONNA EAT YOU WHOLE BABYGIRL!!!!! this fic just received a 60 minute standing ovation from ME. can you believe it guys??? the power of ray strikes again (thank god, this fandom would be NOTHING without you)

"God, forbid your hair be in ruin, sweet girl." Abby's wet lips look inviting, especially when she's smirking at you. Delectable, enticing, desired seeping underneath your soul as you try your best to keep them at bay.

"Now that would be positively tragic, wouldn't it? Just a paparazzi's wet dream. Need my hair in ruins for them to get a handsome payday." Abby shakes her head, the budding smile threatening to reveal itself. You can see how it grows, despite the effort she makes to disguise it.

"I think you do enjoy my company. Paid or not, I bring some light into your life." You play with the ends of her hair. The blonde feels a tingle pricking at her skin. She ignores it.

"I can see that smile."

abby anderson call me sweet girl challenge ready set go!!!! hahahah pleaseeee i’d enjoy her company so much!! i’m smiling so hard rn omg… the way you write her is so fucking CUUUUTEEE. she brings all of the light into my life i swear to god… and so do you, raybear, with these absolute lethal masterpieces that you craft for us 🖤🖤 thanks a billion for this mwah mwah mwah i’m gonna smooch you sooooooo hard it breaks my lips

It's these little things Abby remembers, constantly getting her in trouble.

When paparazzi are around, you always accept her hand as she guides you through the swarming crowd. Abby knows you despise it. How inhumane it makes you feel. You feel like an attraction, an object the masses had come to see rather than being viewed as an actual person. In these moments, you cling onto Abby the most. While she's intimidating to all, there leaves a small exception for you, never has she once been anything to you more than just a sweet, gentle giant she wants close to her at all times.

GENTLE GIANT GENTLE GIANT GENTLE GIANT!!!!!!! so unbelievably true… i need her so bad… ngl i would HATE being an actress and you capture this anxiety and overstimulation so well, but would i do it just to have abby as my bodyguard??? well… i’m not saying no…. please i need her to be my bodyguard every day when i get anxious about other strangers walking on the same sidewalk as me….. i need to grab onto her big warm hands…….. mmmmmmh 🍽️

remember when i said some fics deserve to be made into movies??? yeah. yeahhhhhhh HEAVY on this one. (me saying “remember when” as if it wasn’t literally last night 🤦) but SERIOUSLY this is so perfect i can SEE IT PLAY OUT IN MY PEA SIZED BRAIN!!!!!! i’ll never EVER stop singing your praises rayray…. and if you and emi ever wanna cook up a real script… heh… let’s just say…. remiplutenna world domination……

"Please tell me this is the woman I ran into earlier or else I'm going to be even more embarrassed for answering a stranger's phone."

"Well you're in luck."

"Oh thank fuck—" You curse yourself before being so vulgar with someone who you didn't even know. "Sorry! God, this is all my fault. I must have swapped our phones when I picked them up and didn't even realize."

AWWWW THIS IS SO SMART OH EM GEEEE. ACCIDENTALLY SWAPPING PHONES???? AAAAAAAA THATS ADORABLE 😭 abby being in such a rush and a cranky mood that she doesn’t even notice….. real… but i’m swooning i need this to happen to me and her ASAP although my loser ass wouldn’t know how to handle it 🤦 but lemme pretend in the magic of this fic that i would be so chill and cool for a sec 🙂‍↕️

There is a moment, a short one where your eyes go to her chest, the silver barbells constricting against the small fabric, clear as to what lies beneath.

Abby does smirk at that. She's only human.

well yes 🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭 and damn i’m only human too, lemme stare at this bitches nipples for a few minutes… i mean… uhhhh…. lemme suck on them???? or ummm wait….. i didn’t mean to say that haha. yeah sorry heh.

i’d let her guard my body any day…. actually, i’d let her do whatever the hell she wants to my body but that’s a conversation for another time.

"Did I do good? You always say you miss stargazing with your brother back home. I know it's not as quiet as the cabin you have, but I thought it would be okay for now."

"The view isn't bad, not one bit." She admits as she lets you rub her abdomen, the goosebumps crawling upon her skin the more Abby lets you touch her as if she's yours to hold. "Lev would like it. I'm convinced the kid likes you more than me now."

LEV MENTION OH SO IM REALLY BAWLING NOW. MY BABYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!! i need to go stargazing with her NOWWWWW we’d have such a fun time, me and my nerd ass 🤓 but also i wanna hold her and hug her and kiss her… sigh, domestic abby i need you. rayray try not to make me sob challenge failed ��

"Abs, look at me." She meets your eyes, away from the constellations in the sky, afraid if she looks for a moment too long she'll be stuck here forever. "Talk to me, m'right here, not going anywhere unless you want me to."

Instantly, Abby grips your hips, keeping you in your place.

"No, that's not-"

"What?"

"I'm not what you want. I'm surely not what anyone needs. Hell, l've only been with one woman which is deemed to be for not being enough, right? I'm the girl who came out too late, who doesn't have enough experience but because I'm built like some fucking adonis I need to know whatever the fuck I'm doing but I don't. I never know what l'm doing. The only thing I know how to do is protect you, that's all I'm good for and I'm not gonna screw that up just because-”

"Because what?" Your pelvis is on top of hers, your face coming closer to Abby's, watching as you are irrevocably close to her, closer than you've ever been, wet lips ghosting over her pouty pink lips. Abby doesn't even know when you moved, how you got so close, too lost in her own head to register your movements.

NOOOO ABIGAIL ANDERSON DONT SAY THATTTT MY HEART IS SHATTERING 😭 please my baby has too much anxiety… she just needs me to hold her and kiss her and protect her for once…. SHES WHAT I NEEDDDDDD i would gladly be scared and lost and confused by her side 🖤🖤🖤 my sweet sweet baby who i love so much…. who i wanna kiss….. among other things….

"It's not something I'm proud of and I never wanted you to see me differently but l'm not ashamed anymore though. I'm not that person anymore. I haven't been since I met you." Abby falls silent, her cheeks turning crimson before she can try to hide it "You not knowing how I was, it's just the humbling I needed. Not to mention you were the most beautiful woman I had ever seen — you still are— but you had a girlfriend so I kept my feelings silent. Something just felt different with you and then you were single and I was afraid of you."

"Why?"

"Because I didn't want to ruin you so l made a promise to myself. I would never start anything with you, not unless I was in love with you."

"You love me?"

I LOVE YOU SOOOOO MUCH, ABBYYYYYYYY 😭 GET THAT INTO YOUR THICK SKULL ONE WAY OR ANOTHER!!!!! AND GOD RAYRAY PLEASEEEEE CAN I CATCH A BREAK FROM THIS SWEET FLUFF BEFORE MY ROOM FLOODS FROM ALL OF THESE GOD DAMN TEARS??????????? the way you write dialogue is sooooo cute and so incredibly realistic 😭 my poor babygirl is oblivious and she needs me to repair her heart (which i’d GLADLY do.)

Like honey to a bee, there's nothing that's ever been so sweet.

This is all you need.

"Abby?"

"Yeah, angel?"

"Let's get out of here."

DA PERFECT ENDINGGGGG YUPPPPP!!!! I NEED TO KITH HER NOWWWW!!!!!!! I NEED HER PRETTY SOFT LIPS ON MINEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! SUCH POETRY RAYBABY IM BEGGING ON MY KNEES FOR YOU TO WRITE A BOOK PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEEEEEUHHHH!!!!

i love u so much sweetiebear rayray and i love everything you cook for us although sometimes it’s deadly (like right now, my heart can’t take this)… i’m actually biting my metaphorical tongue so hard rn (get it, cause i type with my fingers on here, and not my mouth??? hahahah) to keep myself from getting sappy cause i always do and then i feel like a fucking ding dong after 😭😭😭 but i am so proud of you and this banger nonetheless, and i’m adding this (along with the rest of your masterlist) to my list of amazing fics i need to re-read :33 mwah mwah MWAH!!!!!

≛ LONELY IS THE MUSE!

❝ ABBY!CENTRIC ONE SHOT ❞

feat. bodyguard!abby x famous actor!reader

warnings. eighteen+, suggestive nsfw content: reader fell first nd and abby fell harder, some angst, fluff, slightly coded fem reader, personal trainer!abby, just two idiots pining. i saw the discourse for some romance and i wanted to do my part. enjoy friends.

LONELY IS THE MUSE, entangled in an endless web of a high profile life, everyone waiting on you hand and foot, hollywood’s star in their prime — everyone needing a piece for themselves. yet the mysterious blonde who has not a clue to who you are catches the eye of the lonely muse.

wc. 8k

“You know you don’t have to stand this close to me.” Abby counters, but her words didn’t make you move an inch. Not that she really thought they would. Secretly, she enjoys your gentle touch. She likes how comfortable you feel around her. The downpour in New York has your arm entangled with her own, your hand gripping her bicep as she holds the umbrella.

“Maybe, but I don’t want to ruin my hair.” You replied gently, as you rested your head against her relaxed bicep.

“God, forbid your hair be in ruin, sweet girl.” Abby’s wet lips look inviting, especially when she’s smirking at you. Delectable, enticing, desired seeping underneath your soul as you try your best to keep them at bay.

“Now that would be positively tragic, wouldn’t it? Just a paparazzi’s wet dream. Need my hair in ruins for them to get a handsome payday.” Abby shakes her head, the budding smile threatening to reveal itself. You can see how it grows, despite the effort she makes to disguise it.

“I think you do enjoy my company. Paid or not, I bring some light into your life.” You play with the ends of her hair. The blonde feels a tingle pricking at her skin. She ignores it.

“I can see that smile.”

Better than anyone, Abby knows the gleam in your eyes is too dangerous to entertain, so she looks forward. It’s what she's paid to do, to keep you safe. Not to entertain some weird crush that will soon pass when you move on to the next actress, artist, or producer. She doesn’t need a reminder of how different your world is, she’s already abundantly clear on where the both of you stand. Worlds apart from each other, even if you’re leaning against her, the greedy hands of the public grab onto you first, mercilessly sucking the life out of anyone who enters your life.

All it does is isolate you, making your life incredibly lonely. Trapped on the throne you built with your raw talent, but the industry is a double edged sword, as much as it appears to lift you up, it impales any sense of normalcy at a private, peaceful life. You take pride in these little moments you have with her. It’s the only time you get to have a taste of normalcy, even if you did have a bodyguard, which wasn’t entirely normal. Yet, Abby is a gentle reminder of a life she wishes to have. Someone who is kind, and loving; a soul that exists for no selfish gain, greed, or selfishness.

Sometimes, you take advantage of it.

Abby knows you crave physical affection. Ever since your messy break up, you’ve been finding any little excuse to justify it. Abby didn’t really mind at all. Even if she tried to deny it in her head, she’d miss it if you stopped. The incessant need you have to be close to her at all times, your essence bleeding on to her, suffocating her with everything she wants, but knows she can’t ever let herself dip into the deepest edges of you.

Especially, not when you are still attempting to decode the wreckage of your last relationship.

Abby hates seeing you like this, but she knew there was little she could do to help. All she could do is let you ride the wave of heartbreak, take in the silent tears hitting full cheeks, and hope it would all end soon for you. For now, she would allow immediate proximity.

You’re hurting. You need it.

The first few weeks, even a couple months after, she expects it. Now it’s month four, and you were still touching her all the time. Lame excuses falling from your lips daily and Abby was sure you didn’t even believe them. She thought about bringing it up to you, establishing healthy boundaries before she crosses a line.

Yet, it feels…nice.

It felt good to be needed. The reason she had taken this job in the first place. It wasn’t what she had imagined for herself – a bodyguard of a famous musician. She jokes about it now, but it's a twisted fate for the two of you. Your eyes shine bright whenever someone asks, and you always take the lead.

Abby has always been more reserved, and your personality is as bright as the sun. She liked Abby the second she laid eyes on her. Not because she was beautiful or the most gorgeous human she’d ever seen.

Which she is.

No.

Her stupid pounding heart, the one she felt beating violently out of her chest, loves you, has no idea who she is. She had thought possibly the blonde stranger was putting on a front, some did. They liked to conceal their intentions behind greedy eyes and malicious intent.

But Abby turned out to be different.

When a blossoming friendship turned into a job opportunity, it took Abby through a loop. It was the very last thing she was expecting from you. You’d kept her in the dark and when you announced exactly who you were, Abby really didn’t know. Never was she really a fan of social media, didn’t really partake in it unless someone was showing her the latest trend going around. She’s a little old fashioned but she likes it. It worked in her favor when it came to you. Unknowingly, for the first time since your fame struck as quick as lightning, you had the pleasure to befriend someone who had no idea who you were.

As fresh as breathing your first breath of air, you took pride in the circumstance. Someone enjoying your company for who they are and not just for your social standing, fame, or most importantly the money. Before either of you could really even fully come to it, Abby has become such an influential person in your life, and then you were attempting to entice her with a job opportunity, and she accepted.

You thought it would take longer and knew from the moment you had asked. But her life was uprooted by you, and she felt guilty about how much it fills her up with glee.

In the last year, Abby became the only person worthy of your trust, the only one who would keep your confessions confined, not letting the secrets drip like cheap wine down the drain. Rather more as if she was out in the vineyard, carefully hand picking the grapes for the wine as she crafts it herself. Giving it the love, care, and attention it needs to flourish into fine beverage. From one sip alone, knowing she would crave for the taste.

Getting to know you in ways some would dream of. Often, the mass of the public did, but you’re more selective who you let in your life now. Swiftly, you noticed how easily Abby listened.

Listening and seeing you for who you are, not some strewed version the media made you out to be.

She understood why you felt the need to and maybe why you felt comfortable with her. You spent time with her more than anyone. After two years together, she had learned every little detail about you. Where you liked to get your morning coffee, your favorite brunch spot, which bar you like to frequent when you had a night to give, which gym was your favorite, and to not speak with you until you’ve had said coffee.

It’s these little things Abby remembers, constantly getting her in trouble.

When paparazzi are around, you always accept her hand as she guides you through the swarming crowd. Abby knows you despise it. How inhumane it makes you feel. You feel like an attraction, an object the masses had come to see rather than being viewed as an actual person. In these moments, you cling onto Abby the most. While she’s intimidating to all, there leaves a small exception for you, never has she once been anything to you more than just a sweet, gentle giant she wants close to her at all times.

Her stature is standing a little over six feet tall. Her arms always looked too good against the tight fabric of her shirt. The one you grip onto as she is navigating through a crowd with you in tow, she’s always focused. The remainder of your team was behind you, while she was always in front of you.

At all times, protecting you.

But it was moments like today, you were grateful for. You blended with the hectic life of the city. You were just two people waiting at a crosswalk, waiting to get to your next destination.

Abby tries not to pay too much attention to how you’re squeezing her bicep, with a strong grip further indication you weren’t letting go anytime soon.

She supposes it’s better than feeling your hand in hers. There were times when Abby deemed it necessary. She would grab it whenever she needed to get you through from point a to point b, quickly. It made you follow her pace instead of lingering behind. She didn’t even know how she was supposed to feel with your head resting against her arm, your body so close to hers.

How was she supposed to act normally?

The rumors were already getting bad. You denied them when asked, and you did gracefully each time.

All Abby could think about if this moment was captured, it would be perceived as intimate. It felt like it was, but she didn’t want the entire world to see. Not when she felt the two of you walking this very nimble line of friends, something professional, and something more. She didn’t need thousands of eyes giving their two senses in a situation she didn’t even fully understand yet. All it took was one person to snap a photo if she gets too close to you. If her touch stayed on you for too long, or if she let the love reach her eyes. The ladder was the most difficult to control. It’s a part of her just as much as the air in her lungs.

This life is new to her. At times, Abby wondered if she’s biting off more than she could chew.

The only reason she’d left was for you. She had a small, quiet life. Abby’s life was very average, a cloud of normalcy hovered above her before the two of you met. A personal trainer full time and she resided in a cabin about half an hour from where she worked. She chopped wood to relieve stress, Her girlfriend liked it at the time, and she did too. She had her two dogs, and a darling kitten.

She enjoyed the privacy. The isolated countryside her sweet family could reside in. Abby had built this life she was proud of, and it made her happy. For a time, it worked. She was genuinely content with where she was. There wasn’t a need to stress or control where her life was going. It felt like a huge relief. She tended to live inside her own head, not be present in what she has right in front her.

It had been months since she felt like that. It’d felt good and she was proud of herself for not succumbing from within and really coming to terms with what she had built around her. This was the most difficult route for her to take. To allow herself to be open, even if there was a chance of her falling.

Abby really should have felt remorseful for leaving it all behind.

Nora was sweet. The most caring partner she ever had, but there wasn’t much she could compare it to. Besides her, there had only been two, and she didn’t even count Owen. A long misstep until she landed where she needed to be. He did care for her, and he seemed to be more kind-hearted than most men, but the bar was set so low, he should’ve exceeded expectations.

And he did, in some areas.

Others, he fell more than flat but there was little to nothing he could do about it. Abby likes girls and he wasn’t one. Her sexuality shattered their relationship into a million pieces – leaving neither of them any option but to move on.

Nora felt real. This genuine connection she’d never experienced before. Abby knew it one year into their relationship. The pair had built this life together, one where she didn’t feel trapped in, and one Abby could be proud of. She felt acknowledged and loved Nora. There wasn’t a sliver of a doubt in her mind this where she needed to be.

She tells Nora when she needs space, and she isn’t ashamed of it. If she didn’t want to go out, Nora wouldn’t guilt trip her into it. Abby didn’t feel pressured to intertwine her identity with Nora just because they were together. Nora hardly ever gave Abby a reason to be upset. She showed up like partners were supposed to, even when Abby didn’t.

But it was a heavy weight to carry for Nora. Being her first serious queer relationship, Abby was left stunted in areas where Nora had to lend a helping hand. She never made Abby feel bad about it, but the two of them could feel the string keeping them threatening to snap.

Often, it frustrated Abby. To always be the one receiving help and never giving it. She didn't blame her partner, but she was left at a crossroad.

She never understood Owen more and it really pissed her off.

To no fucking end.

But Nora was far more patient than Abby had ever shown. Maybe it was the testament to love or maybe Nora was just a good person and Abby is shitty. She had more patience than Mother Thersea herself, and it amazed her. Always guiding Abby with a gentle hand, never getting upset with her even when she let her anger shine through.

It makes her feel undeserving of a love she could never earn.

This pure and untainted love had never touched her before, and she’d never fallen this hard. Abby didn’t want to be anywhere but here. She really thought this could be it. Nora could be the one. They could get through those hardships together, right?

Then you came and overwhelmed her like a tsunami.

She was running late, which was completely out of the ordinary for Abby. Instead of her neat braid, her sun kissed-blonde hair was in a low bun. Underneath her eyes was evidence of her lack of sleep. She hadn’t been getting any as of lately and the bags only seemed to get deeper.

Abby wouldn’t call the fights constant, but it sure did feel like it.

The back and forth, having the same fight consistently. Abby was more than frustrated. The biggest efforts she made were dismissed by Nora, even making her upset at times. She was trying too hard and being annoying, or not doing enough and then it meant she wasn’t present in the relationship.

Abby felt her stuck at a wall, Nora on the other side of it and she couldn’t hear a damn thing.

So, she was running late.

One of the many fights they’ve had with each other as of late. Nora is tired of dealing with a “baby gay” as she likes to remind her in the heat of their arguments. Abby gets offended, her lips forming into an even deeper pout, her porcelain skin flushed in anger before she gives them both space.

Contemplating about the future of their relationship in the shower, causing her to be late to work in the process.

Astronomically behind – her client arrived at the gym she worked at half an hour ago. The most recent argument with Nora plagued her morning. All they seem to do is argue, trapped in what they both need from the relationship, but all the two of them could do is argue, argue, argue.

But neither of them makes a move. They are still as the eerie silence that carries them into questioning.

It’s when she’s too inside her head, fearing about the future, when she violently bumps into you. Body colliding with yours, Abby’s stone-like build causes you to crash into the pavement, your belongings scatter along with Abby’s.

“Fuck. Are you alright? Sorry, I’m in such a hurry, I’m sure I wasn’t even paying attention.” You let her pick you from the ground, she does with ease. She looks right through you and you expect the excitement, the excited tears, or to be asked for a picture but it never comes.

“For a moment I thought I ran into a wall—” You giggle to yourself. “Really, I’m alright.” You spoke softly. You pick up both of your belongings that had slipped from both of your grips, returning it to its owner.

“Are you sure you’re okay? I didn’t hurt you, did I?” Abby asks again.

You think it’s cute how much lace of concern is conveyed in her cerulean eyes, full of light and wonder, so beautiful it stops you in your tracks.

“No no! I’m fine! Really don’t worry about it.”

Honestly, you’re still in amazement she has no idea who you are. It makes your fondness of her grow even more. The two of you depart quickly, go about your day, and you think nothing of it until you go to unlock your phone to message your manager and it’s not a picture of the moon you’d taken during the eclipse, it’s the mysteriously hot and kind woman you’d run into before.

Shit. She has my phone.

Lucky for you, Abby was coming to the same realization. Ready to bring out the workout she had planned out for her first client, opening her phone to access where she had written everything out only to find this isn’t her phone. Well, fuck.

Abby hollers at Dina to take over the client for a moment, excusing herself for a moment before retreating into the office to call from her direct line.

Idiot Anderson. Now you get to make an idiot of yourself, twice.

Way to go.

She calls her phone and it rings a few times before the familiar voice chimes through the speaker, the one she heard this morning during her fit of anxiety.

“Please tell me this is the woman I ran into earlier or else I’m going to be even more embarrassed for answering a stranger's phone.”

“Well you’re in luck.”

“Oh thank fuck—” You curse yourself before being so vulgar with someone who you didn’t even know. “Sorry! God, this is all my fault. I must have swapped our phones when I picked them up and didn’t even realize.”

“It’s okay, really, if I was paying attention where I was walking this morning it never would have happened. Did you wanna meet?”

“No! Let me. Please, this is all my fault. I should at least be the one who makes the drive.”

“Are you sure? It’s really no trouble. I don’t mind.”

“I’m really sure.”

Abby offers the address of work, thinking once after she does if it’s a good idea, a total stranger knowing where she works but she’s already giving the street name and suite number before she can even make her mind. Abby usually doesn’t get nervous but this situation has sent her into a frenzy, thinking about how dumb she could have been. Nora will get a good laugh out of it she thinks, then she is reminded of the fight the two of them were still in. She wonders if she’s even tried to reach out to her yet or if Nora’s just waiting until Abby’s anger rolls over.

More favorably, the ladder.

Until the two of them have the comfort of their lives, the cushion they have between their shared friends and the home they share twenty minutes out of the state, until it comes up again and they’ll be contemplating it all over again. Anxiously, the front desk girl, Bevs, the younger girl who has a crush on her, shyly comes up to her.

Bevs says what she assumes is your name, confusing Abby in the process.

“You know her?”

“How could you not? She’s one of the most famous actresses ever.” Abby is stunned to say the least. Truthfully, she had no idea. Her lack of social media keeps her out of the loop and as much as her friends tease her about, if Abby knew who you were the first time around, she’s sure she wouldn’t have been able to say more than two words. Clearly, you’re a fresh face to her. Already, Abby knows Manny is going to have a field day when Bevs lets this information spill in her sheer excitement.

Great, she thinks.

“Oh.”

“I put her in your office. Some of the clients were already starting to have questioning looks, putting the pieces together. Hey! Maybe they're as clueless as you.”

“Bevs, go back to the front desk.” With a curt nod and realizing she has pushed too far, with a tail between her legs she retreats back to her post.

Okay, Anderson, let’s get this over with.

Abby smells you the minute she steps foot in her office. It’s not the usual pinewood scent the candle in her office radiates. There’s a lingering smell of lavender with just a hit of vanilla. It’s sweet as it engulfs her nostrils, she finds herself sniffling slightly, a silent beg for more of it. You’re standing the minute you’re aware of her presence. Painfully, Abby is aware of her lack of clothing. The tight sport jacket is left unopened, her black sweatpants, accompanied with her sports bra, abs on display as she watches your eyes examine her carefully.

She’s not sure how to feel about it.

There is a moment, a short one where your eyes go to her chest, the silver barbells constricting against the small fabric, clear as to what lies beneath.

Abby does smirk at that. She’s only human.

You keep staring at her for a minute longer, well it feels like one but Abby deems it couldn’t have been more than a few seconds. “Sorry to keep you waiting.”

“It’s really not a problem.” The more time goes on, the sweeter you are. “It’s pretty close to where I live.”

Abby didn’t know it then but you were lying straight through your teeth. The trainer didn’t know you moved around your entire day to make the phone swap or the butterflies swarming your stomach from just how attractive and nice she seemed to be. There was something about her that sent your caution flying to the wind, drifting in the leaves with the rest of your pride.

“Well I appreciate you coming out this way, even if it’s in your area. I really wouldn’t have minded taking the drive.” Abby pulls out your phone as she hands you yours. It’s simple, transactional, and it should have just been left at that but you had a fondness of putting your foot in your mouth.

“Are you a trainer here?”

“Uh, yeah. Been doing it for a few years actually. I spent so much time here already, now I get paid for it. Can’t really complain.”

“Do you ever do private sessions?”

“Um-” Abby scratches the back of her awkwardly, not sure if you’re asking her genuinely or if you’re trying to insinuate something else entirely.

“Oh fuck no! I didn’t mean it like that. I just have a….job opportunity I have to get in shape for and you just look like you know what you’re doing.” Abby thought you might as well point to her physique but if anything she was flattered. It was always nice knowing something she’s been working on for years, her longest standing commitment besides Nora, is appreciated.

“Sure, we could work something out.” You slightly smile before you exchange phones, this time on purpose, to put in the other’s number. Normally, she didn’t give out her number to clients, but Abby makes an exception for you that day. To this day, she’ll never outwardly admit why she did, not even to herself.

Two years later, she’s single from her life being turned upside down by you. The casualty being her own relationship, leaving Nora behind was one of the hardest decisions she’s made. Nora never agreed on Abby taking the job. As much as Nora wished for Abby to be more open about their endeavors, as soon as she accepted an offer that could drastically expand the trajectory of their life, Nora couldn’t be asked to compromise another thing.

That was that. Not even two months into Abby working for you and Nora had called it quits. Abby never talked about it, only you knew she had a girlfriend she used to talk about when you began training with her, and then it was just silent. Back then, you didn’t know her well enough to pry, so you didn’t.

Even as time passed, the two of you became friends through your employment, spending all your time with her during press season for your upcoming film, Lonely Is The Muse, together. Today was the only day you had off, even if it means Abby technically had the day off, you insisted that both of you leave the hotel and go out for the day. It's the most peace you felt during the European leg of the tour. Only one more day of dealing with your sensory issues, people in your face telling you when and where to go, or the distasteful question regarding your past public breakup instead of the work you were promoting.

Some interviewers were kind enough to let the drama go but some wanted to get their own viral moment, waiting for you to say the wrong thing. As the industry likes to say, any publicity is good publicity.

When you’re America's sweetheart actress of the century, such luxuries can’t be afforded.

As your manager likes to remind you, there’s a reputation you have to protect.

“Would you like to head back now? Long day tomorrow. Last day of interviews and then your flight leaves first thing in the morning.”

“Did Stassie put you up to this?”

“Maybe.”

“I thought you were supposed to be the fun one.”

“Mhm, your definition of fun is letting you do whatever you want.”

“And the problem with that is?”

All Abby can do is chuckle.

“What do you want to do then?” Abby asks. She takes note of the sparkle in your eyes, as blinding as the sun but obtaining the serenity of the moon. “I’m all ears sweetheart.”

It’s how the two of you end up here, a rooftop party, a friend of a friend you said. The party was lowkey, more than the typical ones you would get invited. Maybe because you weren’t in Los Angeles, Miami, or New York — but tucked away on another continent — or perhaps everyone here is just discreet.

There’s only two fans that come up to you instead of twenty. You’re thankful for some sense of normalcy, one night where you can just feel normal. It still never gets old, people coming up to you as they confess the impact you’ve had on their life. It feels unbelievable at times but you’re grateful for the luxury life you’ve been granted.

“Here. No liquor tonight.” Abby hands you a glass of red wine, your favorite beverage of choice when you couldn’t have tequila.

“Yes Ma’am.” You playfully salute her. More than anything, you enjoy the not so subtle chuckle. “Not that I don’t love your company but isn’t Stassie supposed to boss me around?”

“She felt under the weather. Plus, we both know you don’t listen to her.”

“And I listen to you?” Your hand plays with her loose blonde hair, smoothing out the white button she’s wearing.

“Yeah, you do. I wonder why that is.” Abby is playing with fire tonight. Possibly due to the fact that you wouldn’t leave her side, not even for a moment, keeping your body close, practically gluing yourself to her. Yes, she’s charged with keeping you safe and protected but it seems you find enjoyment bringing it to another level entirely.

“You’re much nicer to look at, that’s all.” It’s light, a quiet whisper, not meant to be heard by anyone — not even for Abby to hear. “Don’t wanna make my handsome bodyguard upset.”

Faking your pout as you let the words leave your lips, Abby chuckles as you get closer to her, her body standing strong as you push your weight onto her. Stoic as always, while you lean on her, she keeps her eyes peeled. Ensuring your safety at all times.

“Flattery isn’t going to get you a shot tonight.”

“I’m just stating the obvious.”

Abby chuckles, again. She’s delighted you’re enjoying yourself, even if it comes at her expense. There’s a soft jazz song playing outside, couples dancing to the music, you zone out for a moment as you look upon one in particular.

They are older, possibly in their forties, raven hair beginning to gray, fine lines crinkle when they smile at each other but it’s hard to take note of anything else but the way the couple looks at each other. Your mind wonders how long they’ve been together, if it’s been for years, months, a couple weeks.

It doesn’t really matter. You just want that.

The feeling isn’t lost on you, especially when you’re in the arms of the woman you love. For her, she’s being protective, doing her job but you wish it was different. A bubbling desire dripping off your tongue, a need to have her close to you but because she wants. Not because she’s paid to.

“If I can’t have any tequila shots, god forbid, you have to dance with me.” You down the rest of your wine, placing the empty glass on the bar. “C’mon, you can give Stassie an earful later.”

Pulling her towards the makeshift dance floor, Abby leads as your head rests against her chest. The steady, soft heartbeat soothes you, a reminder of the safety you feel with her. Caught in the riptide of her kind eyes and heart full of gold. It’s what makes her so unique, so loved, so her. With a surprisingly good tone, Abby sings to the music softly before twirling you around and spinning your body back to her.

“Is there anything you can’t do?” Your hand rubs lovingly on her lower back as she holds you in her arms. You take pride when it doesn’t feel transactional. When she holds you and it feels as if she was meant to. There’s nothing else comparable to it, her frame melting into yours as your soul finds solace in her warm embrace.

“There’s plenty of things.” Playfully, Abby smirks.

“Oh yeah. I’m sure.”

The sarcasm practically drips out of you as her smirk grows wider.

“Can I ask you something?” You hesitate for a moment as you find her beautiful blue eyes staring into your soul. It’s only then does everything troubling might dissipate while she holds you — secretly hoping it’s forever.

“You can ask me anything.”

You give yourself a moment to collect your thoughts as you move to the delicate beat. “Do you ever wish for a life where you could have had a normal life? I wonder if things could be different.”

Immediately, Abby answers.

“Not anymore, no, not for a second.”

If it was even possible, Abby pulls you closer to her, not urging a word more. It’s how she is, cold and distant to some but they don’t feel the stutter in her breath when you’re near or the soft pad of her thumb rubbing soothingly on the back of your hand. Or the soft words of encouragement when you’re having a difficult day.

They hear none of it.

She dances with you for a couple more songs, before you find solace on the couch. You lay beneath the moonlight, your body cuddles into her side as you stare up at the sky.

It’s lost on you how you’ve ended with her, someone as kind and untainted as her, wanting to spend her free time with you, but you’re grateful for it. Whatever god you have to thank, you’ll get on your knees to praise their alter for bringing Abby into your life. She’s the best thing to ever happen to you and she doesn’t even know it. Albeit, she hardly knows the extent of how wonderful she is.

“Why here?”

“It’s a good night, nice weather. Why not?”

A question with a question. It’s the most straightforward answer you’ll ever give her. Innuendos for the sweet girl to piece together, but with the soft circles being drawn her stomach with the pad of your finger leaves little to nothing to decode.

“It’s nice, yeah.”

Abby always has so little to say but her mind swarms with a thousand reasons why this is a bad idea and a million of why this is where the constellations in the jaded sky have led to you. Straight into the pits of innocence, a heart that’s been hurt more times than she can count but still as golden and whole as one could be.

“What do you think of Italy?”

“It’s nice.”

“Nice? That’s all I get?”

Abby smirks but her body stills when you play with the waistband of her trousers before gliding back to the security of her abdomen, carving the liner of her defined abs. The ones she tries so hard to cover up, but you saw on the very first day you met her.

“Do you want more?” You ask, an eyebrow raising in suggestion. Abby knows it’s a double edged sword, one she doesn’t want to be injured with.

“You’re playing a very dangerous game.” Cautiously, Abby warns. “I’m not sure that last drink was a great idea.”

You rest your head on her sternum, sapphire eyes looking down at you as her hand finds home on your waist, the blunt of your nails scratching softly at her stomach.

“They always seem like a great idea at the time, don’t they?” With a gentle hand, you caress her scarred cheek, the pad of your thumb gently tenderly kissing the freckled skin. Outlining the softness of her jaw with your left, while your right one refuses to leave her stomach.

“I don’t see how anyone would ever want to leave you.” Abby hums, not giving you much to go off of, tight lipped as she’s always been. The Nora situation has always been on your mind. One day, Abby’s speaking of her like she’s the love of her life and the next? Abby stiffens so tight when you bring up her name you promise yourself to never speak of it again. Until now, almost two years later, you’re more curious than you have ever been. The fatal ending, not belonging to you, but still you paw for the answers with your greedy palms.

“You can just ask me if you want to know. I can see the look in your eyes.”

“What look? I don’t have a—”

Abby tilts your chin with your palm, leaning into her touch as you often do.

“Yes, you do.”

“How do you know this look?”

“Hm.” Her thumb pulls at your bottom lip, “You’re just trying to get me in trouble now.”

Your tone shifts, your eyes become transcendent, more crystal clear than they’d been all night.

“What happened between you and Nora?” You ask, treading lightly on the ground you’re skating upon, in fear the ground beneath you might just crack if you apply too much pressure.

“Why is it so important to you?”

“It’s not that it’s—” You face plant into her chest, giving yourself a moment to breathe. Fuck, even her chest smells good.

“You don’t ask about anything unless it’s of value to anyone. You don’t waste time, you’re very adamant about it. Painfully so.” Blonde eyebrows relax as she closes her eyes for a moment, but her touch on you soothes you. It’s gentle; a somber comfort bleeding into blissful joy.

“But I’ve spent a lot of time with you.”

“Yes, you’ve spent a lot of your time with me.

Abby opens her eyes to see you, your head tilted to the right, as you look upon each carve of her angelic face, the one that could only be carved by the gods above, resembling an angel on earth. As pure as the snow with the biggest heart of gold you ever have had the pleasure of knowing.

“What?”

“I didn’t say a thing.” You smile slyly.

“We didn’t break up because of you, if that’s what you’re asking.” Abby sighs, “You’re not some homewrecker. My home with Nora was already wrecked before we met.”

“Are you just saying it to make me feel better?”

“No, I’m not.” You play with the ends of her golden hair, it hurts to be this close to what you want but knowing it’s so clearly out of your reach, league even, all of it will end the same. “Nora wasn’t fond of her being my first relationship with a woman. It caused a ripple effect, me feeling like I wasn’t good enough and her feeling like she has to carry me in the relationship, emotionally anyway.”

“Is that why you broke up?”

“No.”

“It was because of me.” You state, as a matter of fact, knowing there is no other truth to be known. With tears welling up in your eyes, an ache in your heart, one that made you ache all over. The dread of the guilt weighing heavily on your heart, time and distance still isn’t enough for you to run from it.

“It was a job that was a great opportunity. Alright? It wasn’t you, even if I hadn’t, we both wanted different things. I didn’t even realize it until after but I wasn’t happy. I promise, it has nothing to do with you.”

What Abby didn’t know, you needed to hear her say those words. In the back of your head, a monstrous demon unleashes in your mind, telling you crashed her relationship. You were the problem and her inevitable doom, but she’s assuring you it wasn’t the case.

“We hardly knew each other back then.”

As pathetic as it sounds, Abby can’t imagine her life without you.

“Yeah hardly.”

There’s that look again, pouring into Abby’s soul as it eats her up whole, the gleam in your eyes begging for more. It’ll complicate things if Abby gets involved, she knows this, but it already seems like she is despite her best efforts not to be.

“Did I do good? You always say you miss stargazing with your brother back home. I know it’s not as quiet as the cabin you have, but I thought it would be okay for now.”

“The view isn’t bad, not one bit.” She admits as she lets you rub her abdomen, the goosebumps crawling upon her skin the more Abby lets you touch her as if she’s yours to hold. “Lev would like it. I’m convinced the kid likes you more than me now.”

“As he should. I’m pretty damn amazing.”

“He asks too many questions though.”

“About what?”

“I dunno…..things.” Abby retreats back into her shell, the layer of protection she uses to protect herself from getting hurt. Most of all, out of everyone the gods could torture her to be confused about, of course it has to be you. Everyone in your life is always begging for pieces of your time, pieces of your affection and bits of your time to suck you dry. Abby has always wondered how you juggle it all. It feels cruel to even think you would put her in the mix.

Painfully, there’s nights like tonight, where she sees the desire swarming in your eyes — every part of her pleads to give in to the temptation. Give into something she’s never even let herself think about until the last few months. As thick as drywall, there was a barrier keeping her heart from you, one she kept to protect you and herself even.

The absolute last thing she wanted was to wreck everything this has to offer. If she makes the wrong move, all of it can come crashing down on you…it’s the last thing she wants. Make you a martyr in her story, one she thinks and dreams of often but knows you’re too big for her to exist in your life. The circles you run in don’t even exist in the same planet, the same fucking universe if Abby’s being honest.

“What things?” You pout, your hand traveling south, caressing her thigh with a familiarity Abby wishes you didn’t have. She wishes for a lot but they never come true, that’s all you can be, a dying wish Abby curses upon a fading star.

“It’s just stupid shit, not worth mentioning.”

“Abby…”

“Yeah?”

“I—” You take a deep breath, your voice already shaky and you haven’t even told her yet. “I don’t think you even know how much you mean to me.” Abby isn’t sure where you’re going with this, terrifying her instantly.

Have you finally had your fill of her? Were you gonna fire her? Now?

“Lev doesn’t just talk to you about us.”

“Us?” Nervously, Abby stomach clenches, unprepared for where this conversation is heading.

“Why are you so scared?”

Abby visibly and loudly gulps, almost making you giggle slightly.

“I-I’m not.”

The stonewall she attempts to hide behind but you won’t let her, not tonight. Slumping in the shadows, waiting for you to find someone else to love as she watches your happiness from a far, that’s what she allows herself. Nothing more and nothing less.

“Abs, look at me.” She meets your eyes, away from the constellations in the sky, afraid if she looks for a moment too long she’ll be stuck here forever. “Talk to me, m’right here, not going anywhere unless you want me to.”

Instantly, Abby grips your hips, keeping you in your place.

“No, that’s not—”

“What?”

“I’m not what you want. I’m surely not what anyone needs. Hell, I’ve only been with one woman which is deemed to be for not being enough, right? I’m the girl who came out too late, who doesn’t have enough experience but because I’m built like some fucking adonis I need to know whatever the fuck I’m doing but I don’t. I never know what I’m doing. The only thing I know how to do is protect you, that’s all I’m good for and I’m not gonna screw that up just because I—”

“Because what?” Your pelvis is on top of hers, your face coming closer to Abby’s, watching as you are irrevocably close to her, closer than you’ve ever been, wet lips ghosting over her pouty pink lips. Abby doesn’t even know when you moved, how you got so close, too lost in her own head to register your movements.

“It doesn’t matter.” Abby puffs out.

“It matters to me.” You sink into her, further, if it's even possible. “No one matters more than you, alright?”

“But there’s people.” Abby looks for an excuse to get up, she comes up enough so she’s sitting up against the armrest of the patio couch, holding your lower back as she does so, leaving you straddling her hips.

“I don’t care. All that matters is you.” You push a piece of blonde hair away, seeing her beautiful cheeks more clearly, her shining blue eyes finding its unique path to your heart, the one especially made for her. “Here just let me talk, alright? You don’t have to say anything. Just listen.”

Abby is nearly crying, practically purring as you run your fingers through her cascading blonde hair. It’s too much but not enough. Although she is sure of one thing, the one thing she wants more than anything.

��I’ve always been one for pretty girls. I had a reputation around Hollywood, always chasing one after the next, never reaching my fill or as the tabloids like to say.” You chuckled half-heartedly; the wound cutting deeper than you would have liked. “My publicist having to pay paparazzi an obscene amount of money to get these photos from ever hitting online, month after month, it was pathetic really. Just trying to fill a hole, one I didn’t even know how to fill.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“It’s not something I’m proud of and I never wanted you to see me differently but I’m not ashamed anymore though. I’m not that person anymore. I haven’t been since I met you.” Abby falls silent, her cheeks turning crimson before she can try to hide it “You not knowing how I was, it's just the humbling I needed. Not to mention you were the most beautiful woman I had ever seen— you still are— but you had a girlfriend so I kept my feelings silent. Something just felt different with you and then you were single and I was afraid of you.”

“Why?”

“Because I didn’t want to ruin you so I made a promise to myself. I would never start anything with you, not unless I was in love with you.”

“You love me?”

“It’s impossible not to.” You sigh into her, forehead pressed against hers, her strong hold not letting go. “You don’t have to say anything or do anything. I don’t expect anything in return. I just can’t live in a world where you think because you’re not experienced as some, you think you’re less than people who are.”

“It’s true, I’m not there with everyone else and it shows.”

“Abby, you’re not getting it.”

“Well, no shit. I’m not good enough for any of this, you especially.”

“It’s not…” You bite your lip as you reach for her hands on your waist, intertwining them with your own. “Abs, it would’ve saved me a lot of trouble.” Your lips ghost over her lips again, but this time Abby inches closer, her breath warm as it hits your mouth.

“What?”

“If I was a patient person and waited for you.”

More than before, Abby’s breath is heavy as the rise and fall of her chest is rapid, trying to calm herself down but it’s impossible when you’re this close. It’s a lot for her, maybe she’s overly sensitive, but your touch is practically lighting her on fire. Abby wonders if it will ever be able to be put out or if your magnetic touch will leave her scorned.

Puppy eyes inwardly pleading for an ounce of your touch, so sweet as she supports your weight with her strong thighs, anchoring you to her — never quite letting go. A single glance detrimental to the layer of protection she built around herself.

“There’s no more waiting, m’right here.” Abby closes the gap indefinitely, lips connecting with yours as they move in perfect harmony, as if this is what she was made for. Involuntarily, she whimpers in your mouth as you gently tug at her bottom nibble at her bottom lip, your tongue sliding in as it dominates her own. It happens too quickly — the way her very being melts into you.

Like honey to a bee, there’s nothing that’s ever been so sweet.

This is all you need.

“Abby?”

“Yeah, angel?”

“Let’s get out of here.”

taglist: @brackishkittie @only4theweeknd @tlouloser @marvelwomenarehot0 @grey-jedi12 @r3starttt @bittersu1te @pxgeturner @maxinephobia @marsworldd @aouiaa @twopeoplee @i-lov3-w0men @lvlymicha @half-of-a-gay @pa-co @rkivedpages @abbyspup @lucidfairies @lizzygrant @yourfriendlyneighborhoodeden @iluvme9 @skzhoiic @angelynn-nicole @hearts4joongie @moonyvs4 @loveyru @imdrowningindispair @random-fag @swinesb @spacewlf

#tried not to make this long but… i am nothing if not a yapper and a sappy dyke #abby calling me angel is cute BUT SHES MY ANGEL MY BLESSING #IM EATING IT IM EATING IT #i love you and your long fics and i’ll continue to worship them for the rest of time #yap is astronomical today…. apolocheese 🧀#i got a sprinkle of motivation on this friday evening and i needed to spend it appreciating this 🖤🖤🖤#okay okay leaving now but i love u endlessly and i love bodyguard abby and the way you write her :3 #enna’s favs #enna’s favorite favs!! ♡

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2dmenenthusiast · 4 years ago

Text

Grounded - Levi Ackerman x Reader

I had this whole thing typed out but it all got deleted cuz im an idiot so all I’ll say is that writing for Levi is hella difficicult, I hate the ending, and I hope you all enjoy. also yes there is a line from TWD in here but it fit so perfectly and it was too good to pass up okay? and I gave Hange they/them pronouns btw

(also one of my favorite fanfic writers @phen0l followed me and uhh I just wanna say that I’m honored?? They write amazing Levi fics and fics for other fandoms, so make sure to go check them out)

Summary: The Scouts are getting ready for the 57th expedition outside the walls, and you can’t help but let Levi know how worried you feel about the possible outcome of the mission

Word count: 6.8k

Warnings/other info: swearing, angst, death, spoilers for AOT season 1, reader has possible anxiety, reader is kept gender nuetral

No matter how many times you face them, no matter how many times you find yourself suspended in mid-air right over their gaping mouths, ready to swallow you whole, you will always have nightmares about that one fateful day in Shiganshina. The day the Colossal Titan kicked in Wall Maria and let his friends feast on the people in your district. Your friends, family, all destined to be one thing at that moment. Titan fodder. You still wonder how you made it out sometimes. How through all the commotion, a titan didn’t target you and scoop you into its mouth, effectively sealing your fate just like everyone around you. You chalked it up to luck at first before telling yourself that was bullshit. Luck didn’t have anything to do with it. Shit just happens, and there’s nothing you can do about it besides roll with the punches and try your best to survive.

The sight of your sister and father being eaten by those beasts was permanently engraved behind your eyelids, seeing flashes of their thrashing, screaming bodies whenever you close your eyes to go to sleep. In those moments, you always wondered why you survived rather than them. Your sister… she was the sweetest little thing, lighting up a room whenever she smiled and constantly greeting you at the door with a hug whenever you came back from shopping in town. You swore her laugh was all you needed to take you right out of a bad mood, reminding you that things weren’t so bad if you had someone so full of joy in your life. And your father, while he was stubborn, he made sure to take care of his family the best he could, and you were forever grateful for that. He raised you to be strong and rely on yourself because in the end, the only person you truly had on your side was you.

No one really knew about your past. Well, besides your superiors who needed to know, but other than them, your fellow cadets knew the bare minimum about your private life. Although, when they found out you were from Shiganshina, they all just automatically assumed you suffered a great loss of some kind, whether it be your family or your home. In your case, it was both. Of course, you were close with some of the other soldiers. Eld and Petra were people you considered to be good friends with, along with the rest of your captain’s squad. Though, that didn’t stop you from wanting to deck Oluo in the face whenever he got too cocky, throwing his arm around your shoulders during lunch before immediately removing it when you would elbow him in the ribs.

“Jeez, Oluo. You think you’d learn by now. What is this, the fifth, sixth time?” Petra asked, pushing a stray hand of hair behind her ear.

“Seventh,” you chimed as you brought a spoonful of soup up to your mouth.

“Aw, you’ve been keeping count. That must mean you actually like me.”

You raised an eyebrow as you looked over at him, placing the spoon back in your bowl before licking the remaining soup off of your lips. “You know this food is still steaming. Don’t make me throw it at your old ass face.”

He let out a noise of protest while the rest of the table laughed, and you snickered to yourself before shifting your gaze to meet Levi’s, his steely eyes almost piercing through you before he looked down into his cup and tuned back into the conversation his commander and squad leader Hange were having, watching as the dark liquid swirled around.

You always knew Levi to be a man of few words, but a strong sense of purpose. He wasn’t one to waste time on trivial things, always wanting to get straight to the point. He didn’t seem to be the type to waste time on feelings either, but you guessed it wasn’t any of your business. You knew he felt things. Experienced emotions and all that. You’d be stupid to think he didn’t. During training, when he’d survey your group to see how things were going, there would always be gossip when he left, your peers saying how he was cold and emotionless, but you disagreed. You had already heard the rumors of the captain being some type of underground gangster at that point, so when you really thought about it, it wasn’t unusual or weird for him to act the way he did. Something, someone, had made him that way, and that was okay. Something had affected all of you too. The world you all lived in didn’t have the time to spare you from grief or trauma.

“Cadet l/n.”

You jumped slightly at the sudden mention of your name, lifting your head to see your captain entering the mess hall with a signature cup of tea in his hand, and you gave him a lazy smile before looking back down at your own cup, the liquid having gone cold over the time you had been sitting there. Levi didn’t reprimand you for not saluting him, just silently walked over and occupied the seat across from you, looking at you with that stern gaze of his.

“You should be asleep. I won’t make training any easier for you tomorrow just because you’re tired.”

“This isn’t unusual for me, captain. Just needed something else to look at that wasn’t my bedroom wall,” you said, your voice quiet.

He slightly tilted his head as he studied you, lifting his hand to gesture around the room. “And you thought an empty mess hall would be better?”

You let out a scoff, meeting his eyes for a moment before sipping at your drink and immediately grimacing at the taste of it. “It’s better than the alternative. For now, at least.”

He didn’t respond at first, simply staring off into the distance as he let your words sink in before setting down his cup with a soft ‘clink.’ You thought that maybe if you weren’t so over everything at the moment, you wouldn’t be acting so casual with your superior, but he didn’t seem to be bothered by it. Hopefully this wouldn’t bite you in the ass later

“You’re not the first one here to experience nightmares, you know.”

“Oh, so you have this talk with all of the cadets in the middle of the night?”

“No,” he answered simply, taking another sip of his drink.

You didn’t know why, but that simple interaction had been the best one you had with another person in months. Sure, you loved the company of your friends, but talking to Levi was just so… different. Almost liberating in a way. There were things you had told him that you never told anyone else during your late-night meetings, and it got to the point where you had found yourself looking forward to talking with him. Because you knew that behind his gaze was a man that felt so much, and you knew what that was like.

“You know… I only really made it out because they were too busy eating my family.”

Levi paused at that, eyebrows slightly raised as he looked at you over his cup that was pressed to his lips. He didn’t speak at first, taking his time as he leisurely drank his tea, and you could practically feel the depth of the silence looming over the both of you like it was its own presence.

“Shit, maybe I should’ve just kept my mouth shut,” you thought, teeth digging into your bottom lip as you anxiously waited for Levi’s response.

You didn’t want him to pity you. That was never your intention. You guessed you just.... wanted someone to know what you were thinking and feeling, tired of constantly keeping it to yourself. If you got eaten by a titan one day, you’d at least want someone to know who you were. Who you really were.

“Sorry, I um…” you looked around at everything besides the man sitting in front of you, trying to find a way to fill the silence. “You probably don’t wanna hear some sob story from some cadet, I-”

“‘Some cadet?’”

Your eyes snapped over to his, mouth slightly agape before swallowing thickly. “I… Well I mean-”

“Talking like that about yourself isn’t going to change anything or make anything better. You’re not just some cadet, and I’m even willing to say that you’re not as bad as some of the shit-for-brains we have here. You came here to do the same thing everyone else is here to do. Fight for humanity. Whether your end goal is selfish or to try and relieve yourself of some guilt from the past, it doesn’t matter.” He leaned closer to you, elbows placed on the table as he pinned you with his gaze. “Every life sacrificed out there matters. So does yours, even if you don’t think it does. And it’s our job to make sure those soldiers don’t die in vain.

You didn’t know what to say. No one had ever really talked to you like this, so how could you know how to respond? Luckily, he started speaking again so that you didn’t have to.

“Your family… it’s a shame what happened to them. What you had to go through. But, their deaths will be avenged, and I will make damn sure of it.”

That night was the first time you cried in probably months. You thought Levi would think of you as some pathetic little soldier, trying to gain the sympathy of their captain, but he didn’t. He just placed a hand over yours and let you cry, and you remembered how you were sort of surprised by how warm he was. You remember that talk like it was only yesterday when in reality it was years ago. You and Levi didn’t talk as much as you used to, considering the fact that he was constantly busy with helping the titan shifter cadet, Eren Jaeger, and you had been recruited to squad leader, so you had your own people to deal with. But that didn’t mean you two never spoke. Whenever your paths crossed, you’d make sure to give him a little greeting, whether it was a simple wave or a “hello.” And occasionally, when you couldn’t sleep and you’d come down to the mess hall, he was there, a steaming cup of tea in front of him, and you’d talk for a few hours until you both agreed it was time to try and catch some sleep.

Now, the soldiers were getting ready for the 57th expedition, and you couldn’t shake off the bad feeling you got whenever you thought about it. Of course, every expedition was dangerous. More often than not, the scouts would come back from outside the walls with more than a few dead, and on bad days, their numbers would be cut in half. Eren was making progress, and you hoped he would be useful, but a part of you was still doubtful.

“I’m worried,” you stated, arms crossed over your chest as you stood next to Levi, watching the cadets train vigorously.

“You always worry.”

You glanced over at the man and huffed, seeing him completely focused on the soldiers before you lightly kicked your boot into the dirt. “I guess that’s kinda my thing, isn’t it? Can you blame me though? We’ve seen what Eren can do, but… he hardly has it under control. And this isn’t exactly a normal expedition.”

“Things will turn out the way they turn out. There’s nothing we can do except make sure things go the best way they can.”

You sighed. Levi was able to reassure you most of the time, but other times he did nothing to calm your nerves. It wasn’t his job to, though. His responses were straightforward, and if you didn’t like it then that was just something you had to deal with.

“Ever the optimist, Levi,” you said, a sarcastic lilt to your voice, and you smiled when he glanced at you before shaking his head.

“Hey! You’re not here to slack off. Pick up the pace before I make you all train through dinner.”

You were used to Levi giving out orders. Hell, he gave them to you all the time, but his commanding voice sent shivers down your spine at that moment.

“He’s a freaking tiny tyrant, I swear,” you heard one of the cadets mutter, and you couldn’t help but snicker as you turned your head away from your captain, covering your mouth to conceal your smile.

“Find something funny?”

You cleared your throat as you shook your head, turning to Levi with a grin and shrugging your shoulders. “Not at all, captain. Just have a little cough is all.”

“Mhm. Maybe I should make you run it off then.”

“Aw c’mon, Levi. Have a little laugh. We all need one once in a while, especially considering the day you’re all going to have tomorrow.”

He just let out a hum, and your smile slowly dropped as you looked out at the horizon, the sky painted in beautiful strokes of orange and pink. Yes, you were right, you all needed those small moments of joy in this fucked up world you lived in, but you weren’t stupid enough to believe that those moments could last forever. Sometimes you just had to face the reality of the situation you were all in, and you couldn’t help the feeling of dread that filled you as you thought about tomorrow.

“You’re overthinking. Stop it,” Levi said, snapping you out of your thoughts.

You shook your head and gave him a smile that felt bittersweet. “I can’t help it sometimes. I wish I could go with you.”

“We have enough force and skill in the recruits we have for the expedition. It would be a waste to put you and your squad into it and leave you hanging with no real job to do.”

“No real job? We’d be doing what everyone else would be; killing titans and keeping Eren safe! How would we not be useful? You know for a fact that my squad and I are plenty skilled and-”

“We can’t risk more sacrifices by putting you out there. We have enough people to hopefully accomplish what we need to.”

“Then why wasn’t my squad a first choice to go beyond the walls this time? We’re more capable than most of the people here and you know it. Maybe if I talk to Erwin he’ll-”

“This wasn’t just Erwin’s decision, it was mine. And your insubordination is starting to get irritating, so I suggest you take a walk.”

You looked at Levi with widened eyes, disbelief clear on your face, and you swallowed down what you actually wanted to say before letting out a deep breath.

“Levi, I-”

“Take a walk, l/n. I don’t wanna hear about it.”

You simply blinked at him a few times, clearly upset by the way he addressed you, before letting out a scoff and walking away, your jaw and fists clenched tightly. Yes, maybe you were being a bit childish, but you refused to acknowledge that when you felt so pissed at the moment.

“I mean, how can he just treat me like that?! Just completely dismiss me and not even give me a reasonable answer! He’s so… He’s just so… Ugh!”

You groaned and rested your head in your hands as you sat across from Hange, your friend looking at you with raised brows as they idly tapped their fingers against the table.

“I mean, he is your superior, y/n.”

“But that’s not the point! Like, yeah okay, I know he’s my captain and all that, but… We’ve always just been casual with each other. We’ve never seen each other as our ranks. I still respect him and follow his orders when he gives them but…” You let out a noise of frustration and slammed your fists down on the table. “That doesn’t give him the right to just pull out the superiority card whenever it benefits him!”

Hange blinked a few times before letting out a sigh, brushing a piece of stray hair out of their face as they leaned back in their chair, shrugging their shoulders. “I mean, he said it was also his decision, right? So maybe… he’s trying to keep you safe?”

Your eyes widened almost comically, feeling heat travel up the back of your neck at the mention of the possibility that Levi was concerned about your safety. “I-I… I mean he- um.”

“Oh my, are you getting flustered, y/n? Does the thought of Levi caring about you make your heart race?” Hange asked, a playful smirk on their face.

“Stop! For the love of everything, please stop,” you whined, waving your hands in front of you as you tried to ignore how embarrassed you felt.

Hange just laughed at you, continuing to poke fun until you threatened to not be a part of their crazy experiments anymore, to which they quickly backed off. You thought talking with Hange might make you feel better, but hours later when you were pacing in front of the door to Levi’s office, you still wanted to rip your hair out as you thought of what to say to him. Letting out a huff and straightening your posture, trying to gain some nerve, you raised your hand to knock on the door, only for it to suddenly open and reveal your captain, his cravat having come off and the first few buttons of his shirt undone.

“Your incessant pacing is driving me up the wall. What do you want?”

Oh, so he had heard you. You avoided eye-contact, reaching a hand up to rub at the back of your neck before clearing your throat to try and relieve some of the awkwardness you felt.

“Um… can I come in?”

You both stood there for a moment, Levi’s gaze traveling up and down your body before stepping aside to let you in, and you gave him a small, appreciative nod as you walked inside his office. The tension in your shoulders was almost painful, your whole body almost stiff as Levi walked in front of you to sit on the edge of his desk, crossing his arms over his chest. You didn’t know why you felt so nervous. It was only Levi, a man you had come to know for years. And while you didn’t know everything about him, you still considered you both to be somewhat close. So why were you feeling so weird right now?

“Uh… I wanted to talk about this afternoon,” you said, mindlessly fidgeting with your fingers.

Levi raised a curious brow, letting you linger in silence for a moment before letting out a soft hum. “Not sure it’s something worth talking about.”

Lips curving into a small frown, you mimicked his posture and crossed your arms, shifting your weight onto one foot. “Well, I think we left some things… unaddressed back there, and I wanna talk about it.”

He didn’t say anything, and you were starting to get pissed, your fuse short enough as it is. Your frustration finally hit its peak when he grabbed the cup of tea next to him and wordlessly took a sip, and you swore at that moment you wanted to take the cup and smash it against his head.

“Goddammit, would you stop drinking your stupid fucking tea and listen to me?!” you yelled, and you could see a flash of shock in his eyes at your outburst before he glared at you, setting his cup down.

“You wanna repeat that?”

“Oh, don’t get all fucking ‘Captain Levi’ on me. You know exactly what all of this is about. You didn’t even try to give me a reasonable explanation earlier, and I feel like I deserve one.”

“Do you? You think you deserve something for acting like this?”

“I’m not a child!”

“But I am your superior, which you seem to forget quite a lot.”

“That is such bullshit! Since when have you given two fucks about ranks when it comes to us? I follow your orders when I have to, not when you use your superiority when it’s most convenient for you.”

Levi clicked his tongue as he got off of his desk, rounding it to sit in his chair, and your fists were clenched so tightly it was becoming almost painful, your nails digging into your palms.

“You know, you say you’re not a child, yet you constantly act like one. Throwing a fit when you don’t get your way. Sometimes I wonder why Erwin made the decision to promote you.”

Your eyes widened as you softly gasped, questioning if you heard Levi correctly, but you know you did. There was no mistaking it. You always believed that Levi knew that you were capable, that you could protect yourself. But now he made you question if he really thought those things. Did he even respect you as a soldier? After countless nights of spilling your guts to him and him reassuring you… did he think of you as just some simple-minded cadet? You felt like your heart was in your throat and tears were threatening to spill, but you just swallowed everything down and turned your head away.

“Good luck on the expedition tomorrow,” you muttered, and you were quick to leave his office and rush back to your room, tears spilling down your cheeks.

______________

When it came time for your fellow scouts to leave for the expedition in the morning, you were a bit reluctant to watch them, knowing that you’d end up automatically spotting Levi in the crowd, and the petty side of you wanted to ignore him at all costs. However, the rational side of you remembered that it wasn’t just Levi going out there, it was other soldiers as well, most of them you knew personally, and you’d be damned if you didn’t give them a proper send-off, knowing the likelihood of some of them not making it back. So, you dragged yourself out of bed and made yourself presentable, slipping on your jacket as you stepped out of your room.

“Y/n!”

You turned at the shout of your name, seeing Hange waving excitedly at you as they jogged down the hall, slowing down to walk with you.

“So? How did it go with Captain Shorty?”

You groaned and rolled your eyes, bringing your fingers up to rub at your temples to try and cease the headache you already felt coming. “I don’t even wanna talk about it.”

“Dang, that bad, huh?” Hange grimaced.

“You have no idea. I just wanna forget about it”

Hange didn’t say anything more on the topic after that, simply talking about random things with you as you walked outside to the stables. You had a bad feeling settled in your stomach ever since you woke up, but as more time passed it just got worse.

“Hange,” you muttered, the squad leader turning towards you with raised eyebrows as they held the reins to their horse.

“Uh… Please be careful out there, okay?”

Hange looked shocked for a moment before their mouth split into a wide grin, and they quickly pulled you into a tight hug, which you immediately reciprocated.

“Aw, y/n! Don’t worry about me, I’m always careful!”

“That is such a lie, but I’ll believe you anyway,” you chuckled.

Pulling away from each other, Hange mounted their horse and joined the rest of the scouts at the gate, and you went to stand at the sidelines with the rest of your peers to watch them. Your eyes immediately caught sight of a head of familiar black hair, and you felt your heart grow heavy and your chest tighten, almost wishing he would feel your gaze and look over at you. But he didn’t and with Erwin’s war-cry, they charged through the open gate, the horses kicking up dirt and dust, and you only got a glance at their retreating figures before the gate was closed again.

______________

Every minute that ticked by felt like hours. You didn’t know how long they would be gone, the time usually spent outside the walls ranging from a few hours to a few days. You hoped it was the former, knowing that the longer they were out there, the more likely they were to get killed. You knew your comrades were skilled, having been outside the walls with them and seen their skills up close, but that didn’t stop you from worrying. Now with the Eren being a titan shifter and a traitor in your midst, anything could happen.

You almost didn’t acknowledge the shouting of your fellow soldiers that afternoon, too focused on taking care of some of the horses in the stables. But when you finally heard it, you quickly stopped what you were doing and ran to the gate. They were back. Adrenaline coursed through you as your heart pounded like a drum against your chest, and when you finally caught sight of the returning scouts, you immediately stopped in your tracks. The look on their faces was one of defeat, and you could already tell just by looking at them that not all of them made it back. When you spotted Hange, you felt some relief wash over you and you quickly made your way over to them, walking beside their horse.

“Hange, what happened? Was the mission successful?”

Hange didn’t answer, a blank look on their face, which was identical to the expressions on all of the other soldier’s faces. It was a bad day, that much you could tell, and you made brief eye-contact with Levi before looking for your friends. Only… you couldn’t see them. Turning around frantically, you spotted Eren laying in a cart and ran over, jumping in beside him as you glanced at his hand clutching Mikasa’s. He looked even worse than everyone else did. No, loss was never easy, but Eren was just a kid, and experiencing so much of it at his age must have been devastating for him, especially when he was so passionate about saving humanity.

“Eren, tell me what happened. Who… Who did we lose?” you asked.

You didn’t even know if you wanted to know the answer, seeing Eren so broken and torn up already told you that what happened out there wasn’t good, but when was it ever? The boy had tears falling down his cheeks, trying to keep his sobs quiet, and Mikasa just looked at you with narrowed eyes.

“Y/n, I don’t think right now’s a good time-”

“Please!” You gripped the cape that was laid over top of Eren, eyes focussed on the blue and white wings embroidered on the back and you sniffled as you tried to hold back the tears that were desperately trying to come out. “I… I need to know. Please, Eren…”

He stared at you with wide eyes, Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed before letting out a shuddered breath. “They… We were after the female titan and she… I couldn’t save them, y/n. They died protecting me!”

Your face seemed void of any emotion as Eren’s words sunk in, piercing your heart like a million knives, and all you did was nod silently before jumping out of the cart, your mind going on autopilot as you walked. You didn’t need him to explain who he was talking about for you to already put the pieces together. Levi had told you that Eren was going to be a part of his squad so that he could keep an eye on him, and his squad was in charge of protecting him. He had become humanity’s number one asset after all. Civilians were shouting at all of you, cursing at you and hurling insults at your face. You weren’t even one of the scouts on the expedition, but that didn’t matter. As long as you wore the wings of freedom on your back, you were a bastard like the rest of them. No more, no less.

You had stumbled too close to the crowd, too preoccupied with your thoughts to even notice, until a large man gripped your shoulders and pushed you in front of the horses, your body landing harshly in the dirt as some of the people laughed at you. You heard someone shout your name, but it sounded distant to you, everyone’s drowned out underneath the roaring of your thoughts. You shifted yourself onto your hands and knees, only to look up and see Hange crouched down in front of you, a concerned expression on their face.

“Y/n, are you okay? Can you hear me?”

There was a ringing in your ears as you looked at them, trying desperately to just get a grip.

The dirt under my hands, the dryness in my mouth, the shouts of the citizens, the musty smell of the horses… Hange right in front of me.

“I’m fine. I… I’m fine.”

The single tear slipping down your cheek went unnoticed by you, but it was one of the things that let Hange know that you were lying. That you weren’t fine. Reaching out to wipe the tear away Hange shook their head.

“Y/n-”

“I’ll see you later, okay?”

Giving Hange a tight-lipped smile, you picked yourself up off the ground and made your way back to the Scout’s headquarters, feeling everyone’s eyes on your back, and you couldn’t help but wonder if Levi was watching you too.

______________

You didn’t keep track of how long you cried that day, keeping yourself locked in your room and sobbing until your body physically couldn’t produce any more tears. The last time you cried this much was when your family died, same thing could be said when you thought about the last time you felt this way. Like all hope was lost. You found yourself questioning what the point of all of this was for a moment before you quickly slapped yourself out of that thought. You knew why you had to do this, why the Survey Corps was important. But shit, all this loss? You didn’t know how much more you could take. Especially if days like today became more frequent.

Then you got to thinking about Levi and the stupid argument you had yesterday. At the time, you felt like your feelings were justified, and maybe they were, but now you felt like a complete idiot for arguing with him, especially the day before an expedition where it was one hundred percent possible that he could’ve died out there. The thought of your last interaction being some petty argument made more tears fall, and you gripped the sheets of your bed so tightly that you thought they might rip. Did he even want to speak to you now? Maybe he realized that you were just some immature little soldier and wanted nothing to do with you.

No, you couldn’t accept that. You wouldn’t. Standing from your bed, you harshly wiped at your eyes and sniffled, trying to look like you weren’t crying for hours on end - even though it was pointless, you knew Levi would be able to tell immediately - and exited your room to start making your way to Levi’s office. Your nerves were kicked into high gear, but you refused to let this man intimidate you. You were going to let him know how you felt and he was going to listen. Of course, your confidence immediately deflated when you found yourself standing in front of his door, but you swallowed down your nerves and knocked, taking a deep breath.

Levi’s muffled voice came from the other side of the door, telling you to come in, and you let out a small huff as you gripped the doorknob and let yourself in. He didn’t even look up from the paperwork in front of him when you walked in, and as the door closed behind you and you moved to stand in front of his desk with your hands held behind your back, you lightly cleared your throat to get his attention. His eyes flickered up to meet yours, and you could feel yourself shrink under his gaze. There was no doubt he saw what happened earlier today when they came back, and from the way he was examining you, you knew he could easily tell that you had been crying.

“Did you need me?” he asked, and you sharply inhaled at the sound of his voice. It felt like forever since he talked to you last, and hearing him speak made your stomach do flips.

“Uh… I don’t know, honestly. I didn’t really practice what I was going to say before I came in here.”

He raised a brow at you. “‘Practice?’”

“I mean, it’s kinda hard to talk to you. Not that that’s a bad thing, it’s just… Ah shit, I don’t know. It might just be me. I’m not the best at articulating, you know?”

He hummed and grabbed his cup as you let out a sigh, taking a seat in one of the chairs in front of his desk and leaning your elbows on your knees, bouncing your leg. Taking your bottom lip between your teeth, you wordlessly gazed at him for a moment, a made-up image of his death flashing in your mind before you shook your head and ran your hand down your face.

“Look, um… I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for yesterday. For questioning your judgment when I should’ve just dealt with it. You’re my superior and I disrespected you so… Again, I’m sorry.”

Silence fell between you for a moment before he let out a sigh, setting down his cup before leaning his chin against his propped up hand. “Don’t apologize. You were right.”

Your eyes widened. Did you hear that correctly? “Uh, I’m sorry?”

Getting up from his seat, he rounded his desk to stand in front of you, and you were even more confused. You swore he would’ve been done with you by now.

“You said you and your squad were more than capable of handling the mission. You were right. Or at least, you were right at the time. The female titan would’ve wiped us all out if she wanted to, just like she did my squad. I don’t doubt that if you went after her, you’d be dead right now too.”

You stiffened slightly at his words, fingers gripping your knees as you let out the breath you didn’t realize you had been holding in. “Oh.”

“As captain, I’m supposed to remain unbiased. My decisions should be based on the greater good of humanity and my comrades. If my judgment is wrong, then that’s something I have to live with. Making my squad protect Eren was my decision, and they died.” He let out a long breath. “When Erwin decided to not bring you on the expedition, I was opposed to it at first. I knew that you and your squad would be able to aid us greatly, but I couldn’t sway him. However, now that I think about it, I’m glad you weren’t there.”

You were at a loss for words. When Hange had joked the other day about Levi caring about you, you didn’t take it seriously. But now that you were hearing all of this… Did he care for you? Or was it just your wishful thinking that was causing you to interpret things wrong? Slowly standing up, you briefly met his gaze before walking over to the window and looking out at the night sky, the sun having gone down a while ago, and you wrapped your arms around yourself as you tried to piece together what you wanted to say to him.

“Even if you think I was right, I’m still sorry. I don’t like arguing, especially with you. And the fact that you had to go on an expedition the next day…” You swallowed thickly. “I was scared. I know you say that there’s no use regretting the decisions we’ve made, but if you died out there today and a stupid argument was the last interaction we ever had, I would’ve regretted it every day of my life.” You turned to face him, eyes glossing over. “I would’ve beat myself up when I know you’d want me to continue to be strong. But I feel like I can’t do that without you, and I feel so weak and stupid for saying that. For feeling like the only thing that gives me hope in this godforsaken world is you.”

Levi remained silent, not that you expected him to say anything, and you sniffled as you reached up to wipe at your teary eyes before sighing and giving him a sad smile.

“I’m sorry. I know you don’t wanna hear some silly confession. I’ll let you get back to your business,” you said, walking past Levi to get to the door, but you didn’t make it that far when his hand suddenly shot out and gripped your arm, causing you to turn back and look at him.

“Why do you always do that?”

Your brows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“You never take yourself seriously and act like the people around you don’t either. You’re self-deprecating. You did the same thing when I found you in the mess hall years ago. Why?”

“I… I don’t know, I guess I just get nervous around you.”

“Why?”

Your mouth felt dry suddenly, and your heart was racing as Levi’s grip on your arm tightened and he pulled you closer. “Because… I want to be strong in front of you. I don’t want you to see me as someone immature and incapable, and I’m scared of embarrassing myself in front of you.”

“Did you find your confession embarrassing? Do you want me to forget about it?”

“If you want to.”

“Mm. And what if I don’t?”

You let out a shuddered breath, eyes flitting down to his lips for a moment. “Then what will you do about it?”

Neither of you moved at first, your gaze not leaving one another, and you felt like your heart was about to beat out of your chest, it was going so fast. You wondered if Levi was experiencing the same feeling. Wondered if underneath that stoic, calm expression, his blood was pumping in his ears and his pulse was going crazy. You were waiting for him to do something, anything, as he stared at you with an almost challenging look. It made anger flare up in you for some reason, and you clenched your jaw as you narrowed your eyes.

No, I won’t let this get away from me.

Reaching up, your hand grabbed at his cravat, yanking him forward into an almost desperate kiss that had your mind reeling. His brows were scrunched up, body tense, before finally relaxing, and you could feel him almost melt into you as he brought both of his hands up to hold your face, eagerly responding. Your frustration had been building up ever since your fight, and you felt like you were both letting it all out now, each kiss hungry and rushed, barely able to pull your faces away before one of you was pulling the other one in again.

“Fuck, I can’t stand you sometimes,” you breathed out between kisses, fingers weaving into Levi’s dark locks and lightly tugging, causing him to let out a soft groan against your lips.

“Stop talking.”

You don’t know when the anxiety started bubbling in your stomach or why your heart felt like it was about to jump out of your throat, all you knew was that every sensation was suddenly overwhelming. Levi’s hands, his lips, his breath against your face, it was all too much. You were suddenly pushing him away, tears quickly building up behind your eyes as you panted for breath. Whether it be from the desperateness of your kisses, or the constricting of your chest, you didn’t know. You just knew that everything was suddenly hitting you at once, and you couldn't get a grasp on how to deal with it.

“Y/n…”

Right, Levi was still here, and he looked at you with a hand slightly reached out, waiting for you to meet him halfway. You hesitated, staring at his hand like you were trying to see through it, before eventually grabbing it, and he slowly pulled you into his chest. Your arms were limp at your sides, silent tears streaming down your face as Levi held you.

“They’d be proud of you, y/n. You know that.”

You felt like you had been falling all of your life, nothing to stop you, nothing to hold onto as you plummeted through an endless abyss. But now, as you brought your hands up to grip the back of Levi’s jacket and sobbed into his shoulder, for once, you felt like your feet had finally found the ground.

#levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #levi imagine #aot x reader #snk x reader #aot fanfiction #levi ackerman fanfiction #levi x gn!reader

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yelenaisace · 3 years ago

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thankyou for tagging me love <33 @becci-chan

(below because i don't want to spam people's dashboards"

Favourite Piece of Clothing You Own?

a black blouse with a square neck, just cause it's easy to style it with any pants (i don't like wearing skirts tbh) :) and i love how my necklace and my cleavage looks when i wear the top HEHE

Your Comfort Food?

sushi always <3 i always have a craving for it every 3/4 weeks heh

Favourite Time of Year?

listen, i live in a tropical climate HAHHAHA but hmmmm, probably monsoon seasons when it is raining more often than not! it's too damn hot here pls + i just love thundery showers in the evening/night/wee hours <3

Favourite Song?

as of right now, it would be me and the devil by soap&skin just cause this song has MAJOR vicious by v.e schwab vibes, and i had just finished reading that book last night so !! :)

Do You Collect Something?

I collect all the letters/notes/post-its people have given me since i was 11/12! im a very deeply sentimental person when it comes to things that are written to me, plus i like to look back on it and the memories attached to them :'"")

Favourite Drink?

coffee, idk why LOL. it honestly doesn't do anything for me, but i actually enjoy just making and drinking them

Favourite Fanfiction?

GIRL TOO MANY and I've primarily read stevetony fics since I was 16/17, so these are all stevetony bc I don't remember earlier ones from other fandoms

But okay uhh, I'll just choose 5 (omg it's so hard) also, I'm a huge angst and dark fic lover with endings that don't necessarily end well + mind the tags pls

1. the good days by romanoff (mcu!stevetony)

My Thoughts: what can i say about this fic that I have not already? This fic is so painful and I always reread this fic or honestly, any of romanoff's works when I need a good cry. I personally thought that they wrote depression really well in terms of showing how it hurts the people you love too, which is something that I personally feel I don't really see in other works. So 10/10 from me

2. Saudade by aslightstep (mcu!stevetony)

My Thoughts: This was THE post-cacw fic for me back in 2016, and it honestly still is in my top 3 of post-cacw stevetony fics. I felt that this fic dealt with the fallout of civil war in such a realistic manner. It's basically a "not a love story but a story about love" trope. And BOIII, it's so painful reading it because Steve & Tony clearly love each other still despite everything, but love really isn't enough to make a relationship work sometimes

3. Parody of Illusions by Imperium (616!stevetony)

My Thoughts: Marvel just never follow up on their storylines huh, but anyways this fic imo NAILS 616!Steve's characterisation. This fic deals with the fallout of Hydra!Cap and Steve's thoughts surrounding it. It honestly felt more like a character study with stevetony elements of course

4. parthanatos by ooka (616!stevetony)

My Thoughts: another fic that felt more like a character study than a relationship-centric one, but this time it's tony-centric. this fic is a canon divergent fic that led to tony having to adjust in the future, with only steve as company because the others have died. I thought the writing was superb and i just felt Tony's frustration, helplessness and grief immensely throughout

5. Where Our Restless Monsters Sleep by Mizzy (mcu!stevetony)

My Thoughts: everyone has their THE endgame fix-it fic, this is mine!! It's super long but it honestly did not feel like it. Not only did this fic felt like I was reading a published book with a fantastic plot and characterisations, it honestly felt like something that I can genuinely see happening 10 years (iirc?) in the MCU's future. Definitely a must-read!!!

tagging: @thahiree @docdracula @alwaysash13 @thorlokis and anyone who wishes to do it!! :))

#tags

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animoozies · 4 years ago

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I decided I would make one while I’m at work cause the patients are cooolin and I’m just vibing

2020 has been hard on all of us whether it was school, graduating and not being able to walk, knowing of a loved one that passed, mental health declining, and many more negative experiences. However I hope you all are able to enter the new year with someone/something that makes your life just a little bit easier.

With that all being said, I’m gonna tag some people I wanna show my appreciation for because 2020 was bearable because of you all. Also doing this helps me practice the love lanaguage of words of affirmation cause I’m one sarcastic asshole who’s a tsukki/kags kinnie

anyways

@hoekageyama I already showed I loved you a day ago but here im adoing it sober so it’s 100% intentional. I really appreciate and love our friendship. Everyday I look forward to one of us being a dumbass. You and I will be graduating come May 2021 so push through your ✨depression✨ and buck the fuck up for our last semester of college.

@hoekaashi A1 Day 1. Known you since you were soltserra and I’m pretty sure you were atrailofwhispers or some shit like that. Glad we rekindled after our hiatus which was due to Covid and also me crying over hxh. I hope pharmacy school gets easier for you but also remember your life isn’t just school. Your job maybe dedicated to serving people but you also need to serve yourself. Self care is important boo.

@gogo-karasuno I didn’t lie when I said you were a blessing. Despite me being motivated to do certain things I’ve mentioned, you are 100% the reason why I decided to act on that motivation. I met you just on time because I get inspired easily and lose it really quickly. I am so thankful for you because honestly you’re such a light. I am excited to further our friendship so I can see why you say you’re sarcastic and call yourself a bitch cause hunntyyyyyy if you can top me, we fighting cause no one can beat me. enjoy your last day of 2020 bb and take a couple shots and give the cats some catnip.

@luvkeigo crackhead #1. Your posts, tags, and energy is so funny and honestly you’re such great vibes. You are great company to have and I hope you realize that you are. know that and embrace that. always look forward to our simping hours and tagging you in tiktoks. Can’t wait to read more of your stuff in the New Years because your fics are A+ quality good shit.

@juvsbby your new nickname is nezuko because you’re all cute and innocent but still a demon at the end of the day. You always make me laugh in our convos because you are quite the savage. I really love our interactions and now they will never cease since you have me deadass on all social media platforms. 💀you can’t escape. Just know you are such a beautiful person in and out and I hope everything goes better for you mentally and at home for the new year.

@impromptux-main my playlist royalty aka my Suga. You are quite the chaotic individual and I did not expect that from you lmao. You were always cool to me but it solidified the one convo we had about that weird ass girl from Instagram. I hope the new year is better for you and that you dye your hair more colors you rainbow bitch

@haiikyuuns the crackheaded pharmacist. you are such a light in our fandom and to your mutuals, especially me. You are such a loving character that is so sweet to everyone. Please take care of yourself because I know your brain is fried(in more ways than one😂) just like how your job supports people, you need to support yourself.

Hello to the mutuals that I consistently tag in shit. You will be tagged in 2021 so sorry not sorry. I hope your new year goes well and there’s a little bit of positivity for you guys cause we all need it.

@bakugoustanaccount @kanao (you’re such a ray of sunshine but you’re lowkey a crakcheaded simp in the tags of reblogs. It’s hilarious) @ladyhitsu88 @simply-trash5 @nerdyshaddowhunter @honeymeh @thathoneybee3 @bootyy-bakeryy @all-mights-asscheeks (I always laugh at your url cause Im clearly a 5 year old) @mindlesschicca @wherethehoesat @emotiadouche @unvalley @happygalaxymilkshake @fckkei @emperorthighs

My beloved mutuals. I acknowledge everyone of you in my notifs. Sometimes I go to y’all blog just to make sure y’all alive lol. Love yourself in this new year and do soemthing new! Get a tat or soemthing. Buy some anime merch.

@fuckyeahfraxus @meggymoohoo @sokodomoo @necruwumancy @blueberry-07 @ushi-bakatoshi @luvkejii @lexysclubhouse (still not over you not liking seafood) @raine-needs-help @soleil-lei @atsumusc0ck @jdoeshit @icyjeno @icequeen009 @bucketsofworms @feathertayl @karasuno-flight @todoroki-sama @wellthisisme @milkandtobio @catstudio7-reblogs @palmtoptiger18 @khamillahsstrive (the OG since 2016 I hope you’re doing well!!!)

This was longer than expected but whatever.

Anyways

Just know you are all loved and cared for. You are all beautiful, intelligent, and unique individuals. Do not let your mind tell you otherwise. Eat, pray, exercise, draw, sing, read, and DRINK WATER. Do what you need to do in order to be a better you. Enjoy the rest of your day and Happy New Years you filthy weebs❤️

Ima go back to work lmao

#follow me on twitter @cdanae823🤣🤣#i did not proof read so I’m sorry if I double tagged or I sound incoherent.#Im rushing lmao

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tottymatsuno · 3 years ago

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In The Peach Pit; Saw You Fake It (Osomatsu-San: Todomatsu x Reader)

Chapter 4: Who's Kids Are These?!

Alt Title: You got games on your phone?

Author: Roro (tottytown)

Fandom: Osomatsu-san

Pairing: Todomatsu x reader

Category: Romance, technically exes? enemies to friends to lovers, coworkers, fake dating, tsundere Todomatsu, eventual bedsharing, eventual fake strangers

Rating: PG-13 (cussin)

Summary: You and Totty establish your parenting dynamic right off the ba t with a bunch of lost children.

Word count: 5800/prob 50 or 60k unedited and segmented away

Warnings: Todomatsu is still mentally ill LOL. Also sorry if u dont like or want kids i am a father who loves children so my y/n's usually do too. sorry.

commentary: trying a new opening format by leaving a lil bit of text. hope ppl like it lol. if somebody can tell me how can i upload fics w/o having to fix the automatic double space id be so grateful bc rn im spending an hour just fixing that. thank u. i refuse to use tumblr as a fic editor thank u.

Hope has failed. Ryo did have another evaluation, they determined she needed to be demoted for retraining purposes that included not only her hourly wages being sliced nearly in half but also her shifts throttled. Their reasoning for such a judgment was she didn't make customers feel welcomed enough despite being beloved by regulars. She also didn't take care of scheduling for the second shift well enough despite that never being her job because she’s the manager of the first shift. “Why are we paying you to only manage yourself and one other person? Can’t you take a pay cut?”

It was bullshit!!

A few shifts later has you and Matsuno trading stink eyes at the new managers during the morning meeting. When everyone files out of the staff room, you signal Matsuno to stay with a nod.

"Can you believe this bs?!" You harshly whisper to Matsuno after the room is empty. You forced yourself to get along with Matsuno for Ryo’s sake but now he’s the only one who will understand your plight since he spent the most time with her.

How is Ryo, the sweetest angel possible going to handle this?! She won’t lose faith in the goodness of humanity, will she?

"Yeah, I know! What the hell, why would they fire Ryoko-san?!" Matsuno whisper-yells back.

"They're trying to kill morale by getting rid of everyone we know and love so we can be the perfect capitalist workerbees!" You glare at the pamphlets for the new company motto. “That means you’ll be the only one left, Matsuno...”

"We can't let them get away with this! Why fire Ryoko-san but leave something like you on staff?" Matsuno goes as far as to rip one up and shove it's pieces in his apron muttering the second sentence underneath his breath.

"What would we even do though?" You wonder aloud, you actually really like the convenience of this job being in walking distance from home. "I don't wanna quit in protest, but I’m not charismatic enough to lead a strike either..."

"Maybe we can use these new rules to our advantage?" Matsuno suggests with a pointed look towards the previously ignored employee handbook. "There's sure to be rules in here that would be hellish to actually follow on a day to day basis but they couldn't fire us for doing what it says to the letter."

You look at Matsuno with a sinister leer, "Matsuno, I knew I could trust you to come up with an annoyingly evil scheme. What you lack in earnest charm you definitely make up in malice."

You ignore whatever the hell Matsuno said in retaliation while shooting Ryo an apologetic line message. She responds with a boatload of crying stickers and vents through a barrage of incoming emotional texts.

"Ryo...!" You sniffle in support, "Oh, Ryo! I didn't know your favorite candy line was being ended too, plus your boyfriend ate your good leftovers?! On your period as if to rub salt in your open wounds?" You rubbed your tearful eyes while reading these text messages. Maybe it’s because you know she’s so kind and was there for you in your hour of need but you really want to be a pillar for Ryo.

You send a few texts opening your heart to Ryo as well, but you make sure to let her know that you 100% love and cherish your her as your friend. You finally tell her you'll talk later after planning a friendship date outside of work. You're happy that Ryo is going to transition into a friend-friend instead of work-friend!

While being caught up in the emotional roller-coaster you don't stop for a second to see if Matsuno is still around. So it's shocking to hear him ask, "You done?" with a glance of eye contact between you and his phone. "Gimme a sec, I didn't think you'd finish crying for a while." You take a mental snapshot of Matsuno's casual posture, it's a very good image of his slightly disinterested look while leveraging half of his weight with one hand placed on a table. Like maybe a sexy librarian or professor giving a lecture? You don't know, but it's a neat pose.

"Click." You say out loud. "That one's going in the cringe comp." Memes irl can be funny sometimes, but this one is directed at your own thoughts instead of being an insult.

"What do you mean cringe comp?! I should be saying that about you!" There's Matsuno's claws. How catty. Matsuno shoves his phone into his apron before stomping off.

Well now that you think about it you really need to start work today. Everyone came in about an hour and a half earlier than usual to prep for another large event. This one is for a new but promising shounen title by that one guy who was an assistant for that other super popular dude's series. You really don't know but you'll still sell it with a smile.

In fact one of your favorite aspects of working at this bookstore is having to add little series related flares to your uniform. All the women got cute flower petal bunny ears, but the dudes are supposed to wear these really cool but extremely cheaply made neon yellow wind breakers with an intricate rose pattern and an original emblem on the breast and back.

You were jealous of the wind breaker to say the least.

In your spare time you skim the new handbook; there's a lots of rules that either conflict or as Matsuno said would be hellish to follow on a daily basis. It's clear that whoever wrote these down has never worked in a bookstore before, or even HR. Hell, some of these rules read as if they were made up arbitrarily by someone who has actually never worked a day in his life and is trying to fake sounding like he has getting by on what he kinda knows. It's pathetic.

So it's time to be obnoxiously compliant with these dumbass rules!

Every time a new manager tries to wrangle you into actually participating in preparation for this vastly busy event you remind them of daily duties that must 100% get taken care of. Who is going to call the people with back orders before 11 am if not you? Or who will do five rounds of putting misplaced books back up at least once an hour?

"Excuse me..." A little voice calls out from below when you're on round four in the cook book section. Do your ears deceive you, or is that a talking infant?

When you look down your suspicions are confirmed. "Ah, yes sir?" You ask with a few books in arm. Babies love to be treated like grown ups you've found. You’re already smiling, look at those fat cheeks. You need to give this child a free book, he looks like a The Very Hungry Catepillar sort.

"I need to go." Go?

"Home or potty?" The child starts tearing up, "Both! My mommy is lost and I need to find her after I pee! She's scared somewhere without me." You nod in sympathy, he can’t find his Mommy if he has to take a whiz.

"Okay, let's go potty first then find your mommy. I'm sure she's terrified here all by herself without you to protect her." You carefully place the stack to be dealt with later.

Right when you take the small boy's hand you hear a loud wail of another larva nearby.

"A little kid's in trouble!" You hear the tiny boy exclaim before leading him to the clearing where there stands an even smaller baby girl with one of the event balloons and bunny ears. She's trying to call out for her older sister but can't get the words out.

"Oh... Little miss, are you okay?" You ask with a slight headache forming but you have infinite patience for this kinda stressful situation. Kids are cute. You can handle this!

Your maternal instincts kick into full gear with the children in tow but after finding the 8th child lost around the boring adult sections and nowhere near the fun child friendly event on the first floor you're ready to curse some guardians out.

Who’s losing all these little kittens all over the place? Why was this one in the DIY section?!

When you finally manage to grab the 9th lost child and make it down the escalator without anyone tripping, while holding two of the tiniest ones in your arms you feel totally done for the day. Ah, there's the 10th. You manage to find the little girl's older sister who is barely any older!

"If you're lost follow me." You call while at a dragging pace with a gaggle of kids from all ages. A few of them hold hands in a baby daisy chain. There's even a twelve year old who claims he just needed to go to the bathroom but you know he’s either probably lost too or is trying to help in his own way.

So with an elementary school in tow you only have one choice which is to bother the person you know is on break. Everyone loves kids, so this might get the stick outta Matsuno's ass for once. A pitched scream scares the shit outta you for a split second and rattles your ear drums.

“C’mon now, if you’re gonna yell don’t do it so loud. There’s old people around who’s head’s will knock clean off from you breaking the sound barrier.”

Kids can be loud, huh. When you approach the cafe while the baby's take turns pulling on your hair or trying to eat it seeing Matsuno head towards the break room is a godsend.

"The potty's around that corner, Taka-kun take the boys who need to go." You direct to the twelve year old with your foot.

"I don't wanna though!" Alright.

"Eh... Wha...what's going on here? What's with all the kids?" Matsuno finally picks his jaw off the floor when you start bribing Taka-kun with the promise of a limited edition fan edition mystery box for whatever the hell MagiDigi Chronicals is.

"You drive a hard bargain, but sure you can get a cookie too." You sigh when Taka-kun goes "and a coffee!"

"Decaf only but now go!!" You gently kick after Taka-kun so tiny Nao-chan can go pee, the poor baby was just about to start the potty dance for heaven's sake. Taka-kun finally takes the other three boys around the corner. "If you make a mess the deals off!" You call out.

Matsuno is trying to also prevent the damage done by these kids but unfortunately most of them are under the age of five. "Hey wait a second! You have to pay for those!" Matsuno calls out as one of the smaller ones opens a bag of chips. Of course the other little grubby hands with no concept of money or theft join in.

"Can you do something about this -!?" Matsuno shrilly asks. You've got a handful because the two babies have now begun to alternate between pulling your hair and trying to bite your cheeks. "Please stop, I know you're not teething anymore." Too little!! You know they aren't teething anymore because when they pull your ears they try to bite them you feel teeth. It hurts like hell but goodness are these gross little demons too much!

"Why are you even still smiling?! Don't tell me you find this cute?"

You tilt your head away from the biting baby right into the blubbering cheek of the other one trying to gurgle words. "Noo, of course not." You lie. Babies are super disgusting but are incredibly cute. These two can barely waddle, how the hell did they get lost?! Shouldn't they be in a rollers?

If your upper body wasn't so used to carrying shit you could see how these less than 14 month olds could escape easily. The babies are barely walking, let alone running. Well maybe not. Their little strong legs are having so much fun kicking you in the ribs since they really want to be put down. There's the beginnings of whining too. They might need their diapers changed but your store doesn’t carry any.

"Aw... Haha, no my little ones. Let's not get fussy please, if you get fuss-fuss I'm gonna eat your lil fingies." You make one of those gentle chomping gestures back and forth to the now giggling and adorable maggots. "Yummy yummy, I love baby toes!"

You look up with a grin to see Matsuno glaring at you with the foulest look of disgust. It nearly knocks the wind outta you.

"Anyways go call their parents, I'll stay here." Get out, asshole. You're killing the vibe here. You're about to start kissing these little ones and you will not be judged for it. A few of the other children grab your attention to let you know they're hungry.

Matsuno sighs deeply before turning to dial the front office. "Everyone gets a little piece of a cookie! Understand?" You announce to the remaining kids. There's a small chorus of affirmation. How cute you think blissfully.

"It's too early to have a whole cookie, the sugar will make your gross lil tummies ache. You don't want a tummy ache, right?"

"But I can eat a whole cookie!" Says an older girl. "Me too!!" Joins another.

"Those cookies are too big even I can't eat a whole one because they're made for people with giant iron stomachs, but you both can have half of one, okay? A whole cookie at your size will melt your guts through your ear holes." You're more worried about how hyper these kids already are, as much as you hate their parents for losing them you can't in good conscience release them hyped up on sugar.

Both Taka-kun and Matsuno return at the same time. "Serve them snacks, Matsuno." The way you disdainfully regard Matsuno versus the children almost gives the babies whiplash.

"Why should I? Also who's going to pay for it?"

What an asshole. "Because they have been so well behaved." You answer while the children agree and whisper that you really are as nice as you seem.

"In what universe?! Besides we can't give this much away for free!" Matsuno protests.

"I'll pay. Feed the angels or else." Your threat seems to work in your popularity's favor. There's what sounds like a few high pitched cackling and your demon hoard of small children smile at Matsuno as menacingly as their cute little faces can conjure. So adorable!! You should become a gang leader!

After every had an age appropriate sized cup of juice, a small portion of a cookie or cupcake and were seemingly satisfied save for Taka-kun who smugly sipped a decaf iced coffee with a whole cookie to himself the guardians all finally gathered to pick up their children.

The grandparents of one of the babies came to grab her first which is not nice. You’re not ready yet! You couldn't help but defensively turn away despite the baby cooing happily at her grandma with reaching hands. The baby even gets out the words 'hi gramma' it's too cute, you won't hand her over!

"Y/n, give the baby back." Matsuno tells you clearly exasperated. "I was going to, shut up." While you're distracted the other baby is plucked from your arms. You swivel to see who betrayed you. It's a very young looking couple smothering the baby boy's fat little cheeks. The baby girl is also taken from you during this moment of hurt.

"Ah, thank you so much!" The grandmother gives you a knowing look. "You seem to be fond of kids."

“Yeah, babies are so gross and ugly.” You tell her with a huge grin. You love them.

"You should have your own before it's too late."

"Haha, no. Yuck." You laugh a bit awkwardly, "I'm not ready for that yet." You don't know how you'd handle the parasite phase of the infant's unborn life, let alone the blowouts and spittle period. Around a year old is when they reach their minimum level of being tolerable.

"I see." The grandma smiles at you while the baby waves bye bye.

There's a lot of commotion with some parents scolding or crying since their poor baby got lost at an event that was supposed to be fun! Management offers them deals on future purchases for their troubles and promise the event will be organized better despite this really not being the store's fault. The event was supposed to just be starting but all of these kids got lost on the second floor before it even began.

There's a few smiling waves from the kids, a couple shouts of bye but some of them are too distracted by their parents to say anything to you. You stand there with a dumb smile while waving back. Most of them are going to the event so that's fun.

"Taka-kun, that guy can get you the mystery box." You point out the stout manager who's name you don't remember. "Thanks, see you then." Taka-kun leaves to pester that tubby bald guy.

A moment of peace. Just one. That's all you're allowed before Matsuno tugs on your already abused ear. "Ew, why's it wet?!"

"They were at that shark age of babyhood." You say fondly. Matsuno rudely untucks your shirt to wipe his fingers on it. "I literally have no clue what that's supposed to mean." To be honest you don't even notice your shirt.

"Too young to speak so they have to communicate and learn with their small mouths. Basically they like to bite like how sharks do."

Matsuno sighs before turning to the mess that is now the cafe. "So two things are about to happen here." He says harshly.

"They were all so liiittle." You mumble not really in response. "So itty bitty, just absolutely pocket sized. I should have eaten one for dinner."

"Shut up weirdo and listen! First of all you're going to pay for those snacks, and then you're gonna help me clean this shit up before people start coming from that stupid event."

"Alright, thanks for going easy on me." You do a small salute. After paying for the eight cookies, the five bottles of juice, a couple bags of chips and one decaf coffee your wallet is a little lighter but it's okay! The smiles of sweet baby demonspawn are priceless to you.

Each time Matsuno punched in a button on the register he smacked his lips at you in annoyance.

It isn't until you're handed a broom that Matsuno finally tells you how upset he actually is. "I like kids too, but you really fucked me over with bringing them here." He half whines-half grumbles.

"Couldn't you have taken them straight to the office or something? This was my valuable break time!" Matsuno does sound very sympathetic right now as he scrubs off the dried juice from the tables.

"Some of them needed to pee." You say simply while dusting up the many spilled chips.

"There's a bathroom by the customer service area, it's like you just wanted to ruin my day!"

You think for a moment before attempting reply again. "You think so?" You guess you could see it that way, but kids are so cute.

"Why else would you bring a million brats into here when I was supposed to take my break?!" Matsuno begins to pick up the cups and bottles of juice along with the stray cookie stained napkins that littered the floor.

Hmmm. You had a reason but now it feels silly to say out loud. "I guess I thought you might wanna help them with me? I thought you might like seeing them. Plus I really wanted someone else to see how cute and polite they were. They were soo well behaved, weren't they?"

Matsuno sighs when you are finally done sweeping and switch to mopping the sticky floors. "You must really like kids."

You mod dreamily, "One of my life goals is to be a wicked stepmother. Cinderella style."

"Give that up then." Matsuno spits out rudely. "You'll spoil her until she's ugly inside and out."

You gasp, "No I wouldn't! I would be a great evil stepmom!" You have a plan and system you'd follow.

"Yeah? I just saw otherwise. You have no backbone when it comes to cute stuff at all. In fact you're all talk and no action." Matsuno is so rude.

"Okay, well that's just not true. I have a lotta evil schemes to ruin my step kids lives." Matsuno snorts at your confidence.

"Like what?"

Like what?! "I'm gonna bite them!" You say triumphantly, "Yeah while they're babies. Gonna yum-yum on their widdle toes or whatever. Gross." Matsuno instantly sees through you.

"I'll call them embarrassing nicknames and tease them in front of their friends."

"Like what, baby? Cutie pie? That's just being affectionate." You glare at him.

"Well, I'll hold their hand when crossing the street even though they can do it by themselves!" Matsuno sighs.

"That's being affectionate and responsible."

"I'll pack their lunch with a bunch of vegetables and only ONE snack."

"With a note saying how much you love them, too? Once again just affectionate and responsible."

You are losing this battle quickly. "I'll hug them everyday!"

"Are you giving up? That's just being a loving mother!"

"And kiss their cheeks too." You add, grumbling. "And we can go out to lunch at the park on weekends, and I can help them with their homework and we can do chores around the house together and if they're very good I'll get them a puppy."

"Those are all just being a loving mother, dumbass! Where's the wicked part supposed to come from?!" Matsuno shouts and you feel just an iota of silly.

"My household rules will be strict. An allowance should be earned by doing chores and not just freely given." This makes Matsuno flinch.

"Th... That actually is evil. Don't do that. Kids need money too, they shouldn't have to earn it."

Aha!

"And they should help cook dinners when they're old enough! I want my kids to take over the gross chores when I get older so I won't have to anymore. Like taking out the trash and scrubbing the toilet. After age twelve I never want to wash a dish again in my life."

Watching Matsuno recoil from you like the first time you met is very satisfying.

"That's going too far! Being a kid is stressful enough without having to do housework too. Think of the kids, they have their own lives too live!"

You blink at him, "Someone has to do it though. You don't have your mom still cleaning up after you at this age so why shouldn't you start teaching them when they're kids?"

Studying Matsuno's face changing when you said his mother doesn't clean up after him anymore is a struggle. "You don't still... Do you?" You ask with disgust.

"Hahaha! My break is over, let's finish this conversation later! You still have a while before yours right? I’ll make you a latte on the house! So yeah, see you then." Matsuno all but physically boots you out of the cafe.

You kinda take it easy despite the event. Your bunny ears have long been knocked off by babies, and you still wanna wear the windbreaker. Matsuno's looked really cool up close too.

For a brief second you and Matsuno were publicly thanked in front of the crowd for rounding up the many lost kids. After that you went on to follow more of the stupid rules to an obnoxious point. Then you were on the register pretty much until the end of the day.

You wanted to eat and take your break, but it seems like the kids who stayed all wanted to be checked out in your line. Lots of babbling of summaries from the event even though most of it is too nonsensical to follow. You animatedly try to keep up as their guardians thank you for your patience. After they were served, the lines became full of adults and older teens who bought a buncha limited edition merch.

It's always a bit awkward having to listen to guys info dump about a new series for the first time, but thankfully it comes in handy after hearing the same information over and over. It makes the discussions you are mandated to partake in go by faster as you check them out. It's also fun when housewives come in and do the same thing because you get to see which hotties are getting popular.

At the end of the shift you're called into the staff room where Matsuno is also waiting. Matsuno has a strangely fake smile but his eyes are aggressively staring down the new store manager.

"Ah! There you are, zansu. Me was just telling Osomatsu-kun how thankful Akatsuka Reads is for your help finding the brats - me means precious angels during today's event, zansu." This guy has a funny voice. He's a real character. Big overbite too.

"I'm Todomatsu." Matsuno corrects with an even darker glare.

"It doesn't matter, you're all the same." The manager says. Huh. Wonder what that means.

"So anyways, me was thinking of a way to thank you both! How about a coupon for free oden, zansu?" Right as you were taking your coupon, Matsuno starts shouting.

"Why would I want that, Iyami?! I can eat at Chibita's any time!"

"Can't you be more professional like her, Osomatsu?" Iyami tch's disparagingly at Matsuno.

"Yeah, be grateful." You add in teasingly with a playful grin. "Osomaru?" You look back up at Iyami who nods that you got it close enough.

"Osotaro." You repeat even more incorrectly than before with a fun impish smirk.

"I'm Todomatsu - also you don't get to join in! You don't even know this guy so take my side!"

"Where's the stall located at?" You ignore Matsuno to look at the handwritten coupon, it expires very quickly and only includes one serving of oden and no drinks.

"Me can show you after this, zansu." The way Iyami offers that creeps you out thoroughly. He even tries to get in your personal space which isn't a good thing. After stepping back around fifty feet you look over at Matsuno with a look that might not outrightly beg for assistance but hopefully he understands from the amount of time you've worked together.

Matsuno glares at you before nodding. "Alright, I'll go too."

"You're not invited, zansu." Iyami starts shooing Matsuno off.

"Oh, that's too bad then. Matsuno and I had agreed to get food after this since we both missed our breaks. Let's go, Matsuno." Yes, the perfect out! You lie amazingly convincing, so now your weird manager doesn't know you're avoiding going out with him. Matsuno childishly sticks his tongue out at Iyami as you walk away. He even tries to grab your arm for a second to make Iyami jealous but you hip bump nearly to the floor.

You grab your shit from your locker while Matsuno does the same. You both exchange looks before exiting the store.

When you break into a jog you hear Matsuno scream wait behind you which causes you to stop in your tracks.

"That wasn't a we make a run for it look, that was a play it cool look!! Jeeze, it's like you don't know anything!" Matsuno shouts while running to catch up. "Why are you so fast anyways?! Shouldn't you be training for the Olympics?"

"Ah, sorry Matsuno. I'm not fluent in telepathy yet." You're a bit distracted by how fucking cool that cheap piece of shit windbreaker looks in natural lighting.

When Matsuno catches back up he notices you staring him down. "Ugh, gross. Stop staring at my body." He even attempts to cover himself up.

"I wasn't, I just really want that." You could beat him up for it. You bet he's the type who might not actually call the police if you bully him.

"Want what?!"

"Your jacket." When you say this, Matsuno looks down at the windbreaker. "Oh, this? Yeah, here take it. This is more Jyushimatsu-niisan's style anyways. I would've preferred it in pink."

Your eyes sparkle, "You mean it?"

"Yeah, I only wore it at work. It's really badly made so don't expect it to last." Matsuno takes off the jacket and hands it to you. You're a bit suspicious because it's probably gonna give you a headache knowing how Matsuno drenches himself in perfume.

You sniff it just to be sure which causes Matsuno to scream." Wh-what are you doing?! Why are you smelling it?!"

You keep rotating it around to examine if there's any offensive odors or alcohol scents. Instead there's the smell of cheap plastic fabric and a light baby powder like freshness to it. This won't give you a headache. You smile before putting it on.

"Uggh... That was so weird... What's wrong with you...?" Matsuno's shivering like he's really creeped out by your actions.

"Y'know I thought it was because I went noseblind to your foul stench, but you don't stink anymore. You actually smell good now, great job." You give him a thumbs up of approval.

Something about your words makes Matsuno's cheeks light up. "Hehe, you think? I changed to Powdered Daydream by - wait! I mean of course I don't stink! I've never smelled bad to begin with!"

You wait for Matsuno to finish, "So what now?" Because you are hungry. Like super hungry. "I'm going home." Matsuno says defiantly.

"Okay, cool." You unfortunately have to still drop off Matsuno. A few weeks back you realized if you left him by himself to get home Matsuno would get hopelessly lost around the third street turn. He doesn't even have your line or number so he just yelled at you that he could've died the next day. You get the feeling he's the type of person who in high school would get lost on a route he went on twice a day for all three years if he weren't holding someone's hand. A child basically.

This is awkward, you think walking super slowly so Matsuno could keep up. He's still pouting which is normal but usually there would be at least something to argue about.

There's gotta be something to talk about at the very least, right? You think back to work today, there has to be something to go over but a lot happened and you don't really know where to start. You kinda wish you could have seen Daisuke today but he was pretty much hosting the entire event.

"So about work?" You start off, please have a jumping off point. Matsuno, please understand you can't stand weird dead air.

"I can't believe our new managers! Did you know that from now on I literally have to - with each drink, mind you try to get the customers to sign up for a rewards card? It doesn't even offer actual rewards by the way! You get nothing for having it other than a keychain! Imagine having to explain all fucking day, 'no you don't get a free coffee or any discounts. The reward is us selling your data and this shitty clearly cheaply mass produced keychain. Enjoy.' with a smile?! I want to kill myself every time!"

Matsuno's animated rant makes you laugh a little. "Dude that sucks. My new thing is I'm not supposed to give out discounts or accept returns without another guy's code. Then they get upset at me for not having said code and making him come over. Also I'm apparently underselling the books worth by taking the discounts they put out online in the newsletter?"

Matsuno glares straight ahead,"You should start pretending that the register is malfunctioning and let code guy do cashiering for you. Or say you don't know how."

"I don't think that'd work. Also remember this landmark." You say pointing at a recycling bin.

"What landmark?" Matsuno asks. "That one." You wiggle your finger, "The blue thingy."

"The recycling?" You nod.

"That one is always overfilled so if you see it you know you only have to take a left at the second block over and then walk til you see the fat cat sticker on the car bumper. After the fat cat you go straight til you see the wind chimes and then you're at the station."

Matsuno stares at you slackjawed. "What?"

"Those the directions to get to F station. Don't worry, I'll point them out as we go so you can remember them later." Your contacts are a bit itchy, plus you kinda wanted that oden but you won't chance running into Iyami. You'll drop Matsuno off then eat.

"Uh. Okay, thanks?"

Oh yeah, Matsuno seemed very familiar with that guy. You should be nosy and ask about it.

"So you must know Iyami pretty well outside of work?"

Matsuno grits his teeth, "Don't ask me that."

You won't press then.

"He's a shitty hobo bum who's always trying to ruin my life! It's a tie between him and my bastard older brothers who make life a living hell everyday! It's like I'll never obtain happiness being associated with such vile monsters but I just can't escape them either! Everywhere I go one of them finds me and fucks everything up."

So even though you did not press further here you are three minutes deep into a vent session. You kinda didn't sign up for this rant. "That sucks." You say again, maybe you'll hit him with another damn that's crazy next.

"It does suck!! Iyami got us hired at a sweatshop and it was the worst experience of my life!"

"Damn, that's crazy." You have no clue what the fuck Matsuno is talking about. "How many brothers do you have anyways?" Let's just be polite.

"Five! Five horrible older brothers! Well, actually four since Jyushimatsu-niisan is usually decent. The other ones are all garbage!"

You nod in agreement, "Yeah I'm sure they're the worst." When you say this Matsuno looks at you with stars in his eyes, "You agree?!"

"Yeah, I mean if someone as awful as you thinks these guys are bad they must be intolerable for normal people."

The stars burn out one by one. You wonder why since you tried to make it obvious that you were joking.

"Was that too dry of delivery?" You ask.

You get the silent treatment the rest of the walk to the station with Matsuno ignoring your landmarks. He doesn't look up from his phone again until he's out of sight.

#matsuno todomatsu x reader #totty x reader #todomatsu/reader #osomatsu san #osomatsu san x reader #unedited again bc my baby is about to come home and i dont have the time #roros fics #todomatsu x reader #todomatsu matsuno x reader #peachpit fic #ppf c4

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dipplie · 4 years ago

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Temporary list of my stories and OC’s until one day I make a comprehensive and well made list:

Blinded:

Polli: My oldest OC and fun fact was my persona till she become edgy and I wasn’t 12 anymore. Everyone’s favorite yes yes I’m aware. Yellow, energetic, eats dirt and bugs, I can’t tell if she’s evil because of a wisp possession or just crazy. Breaks the 4th wall. Is she a Mary Sue???????? Who knows.

Melody: NOT Polli’s girlfriend despite Polli’s delousions. Has an abusive mom :(. Only has one eye and then no eyes and then robot eyes or smthn idk she becomes a badass when she gets older. But otherwise trembling in her shoes all the time.

Melodys Mom/Sharren: Bitch. Okay well all I’ll say is she’s old and grumpy and probably smells bad.

Louise: Total hotty, rich kid, FtM, got bullied as a kid for his weight. Had a squad of fans basically in high school. Lived with his mom after his parents got a divorce but his mom was semi abusive, projected her femininity onto him, and wouldn’t have been supportive of his transition, so between middle and high school he went to live with his dad and got his sex change and testosterone. His best friend in elementary and middle school stopped talking to him after his transition, and became his competition for the most attractive and sought after boy in school (except Louise is a sweetheart while his friend Tommy is a dick and really gross) His dad runs a company that specializes in technology, and after meeting and falling in love with Melody (even after all her abusive trauma and losing both her eyes) he has his dad and some of the developers create a way to get her vision back and I mean honestly I love him how could you not love him he’s so perfect.

Watching:

Fick: Big nerd boy with thick glasses. I feel like he’d use Reddit but don’t quote me on that. Big crush on Vivinya. Boy don’t wander into the woods- oh look dead body with a curse on it don’t touch it- aaaand now he has a wisp that makes him kill people, way to go kid. Panic attack central.

Vivinya: True crime girl, yucky yucky. Probably had a knife collection. “uwu I’m insane” except she actually is and starts using Fick to kill people for her and treats him like her “Yandere boyfriend” or something cringe and gross oh god. She deserves jail. JAIL. Needs to learn guys need to give consent too. Just overall sucks 1/10.

Tommy: I mentioned him early to be Louises ex best friend and rival. He used to have a crush on Louise actually but that don’t excuse being a BITCH!!!! Also needs to learn people gotta give consent he is just as gross as Vivinya. Cheats on all the girls he gets with because he’s again, a bitch. Idk if he deserved to get murdered though I mean he was still a teenager but it’s fine. Thinks of the song Seventeen from Heathers actually this story does feel a tad reminiscent of heathers with vivinya being a crazy and wanting to off a bunch of students. Huh.

Suzannie: Tommy’s older sister who’s a detective. What a coincidence. Monotone and depressed. Probably because her little brother got murdered. Gets real awkward when she’s talking about her brothers murder(s) to Fick and Vivinya like “when I find who did this to him they’ll regret being born”. Kind of really pretty actually.

Adolescents (there isn’t actually a story here yet but don’t worry about it shhhh):

Nelson: HIMBO HIMBO H- Jock stupid idiot big dork god he’s so awkward and his main personality trait is having a crush on Naomi and being a dork when talking to her. Probably could benchpress you.

Naomi: Gamer or something and a nerd geek. Her main personality trait is having a crush on Nelson and also being a dork when talking to him. Probably a weeb and fandom dweller. Can’t draw but she commissions artists to draw. She does write copious amounts of fanfiction though.

Andrés: Ohhh the school bad boy babyyyy. Baseball bat with nails in it or something. There’s like... A thing between him in Charlotte and he wants to be a thing but she’s being difficult and makes it hard to talk to her or about her and ugh.

Charlotte: Princess, high school princess. She’s actually pretty nice when you get to know her- but she’s a diva. Ballerina after school. Best friends with Naomi and doesn’t know what she’s talking about when she mentions ships or OTPs but she listens anyways because she’s a good friend. There’s like... A thing between her and Andrés but she doesn’t know if she’s super into him but geez he’s really hot but she gets such mixed responses when she asks her friends about it and what if it doesn’t work outttt.

Marlon: They/Them but they’re okay with either pronouns they aren’t sure yet, he or she is okay... Box boy box boy. Autism... He doesn’t want to admit He’s attracted to men but he’s totally attracted to men. He lives alone which is probably illegal for his age but somehow he manages. Everyone thinks he’s “the quiet kid” and he’s really sad about it no don’t make jokes like that please guys ahh-

Sing for Me:

Kat: The color pink, addahadda(adhd), angry and loud and short. For being only like 10 and being an adorable little lesbian dressing in sparkly pink dresses she actually likes screaming a lot and would totally sing heavy metal if her producers let her. Loud and mad but gets so soft around her girlfriend. “If anything happens to Brie I’m killing everyone in this room and then myself”.

Brie: French... Birds and stuff. Loves her girlfriend even though she is so loud. So fast. So much. Likes to write pretty things. Is only like an inch taller than Kat. Filled with so much love for everything.

Elliot: The girls manager. Lots of coffee. Stressed out of his MIND please help this man. Probably gay. Seems like a smug dick but he is just a tall and lanky dork that loves puppies and wants nothing more than for Kat and Brie to be happy. Accidentally brands them as sisters and then Kat kisses Brie and- oh fuck oh shit oh no what has he done. Hides the fan and non fan responses from them. Poor guy.

Horror Hosts:

Ichabod: Hot demon who’s the son of the current ruler of hell or something. I mean he’s hot, smart, and royalty, what more do you want. I very specifically hear the dub voice of Kyoya Ootori from OHHC as his voice don’t @ me. Goat legs????? Yeah??? Don’t be rude.

Barnabie: Ohhhhhhhhh big orc teddy bear I’m crying I love him????? He puts up a more confident ploy and the given stereotypical personality orcs supposedly have but he’s just a shy boy that wants to give girls flowers and call boys pretty. Help him.

Garrison: Gary Burger. Fat hairy gay man. I mean werewolf. Wouldn’t it be funny if I made the whole werewolf thing backwards and made him transform into a HUMAN only on the full moon??? Party animal, pun absolutely intended. LOUD AND FUNNY he’s a dork. Bites. Horny on main Garrison please you’re supposed pamper and flirt with the guests but not quite that much.

Vincenzo: Token Vampire but he’s Italian because I felt like it. Talk and lanky of course. Bitch face. Blood coffee? Yeah lots of coffee. Tired. Let him sleep in Ichabod. Steps on people. Can summon and reanimate corpses but has a bitter attitude towards them because they get annoyed with him as much as he gets annoyed with- everyone else. He does have a soft spot but idk where it is. When he’s talking to guests he’s more suave and sexy though.

Kai: Genderfluid haha get it because slime fluid-... I’ll stop. Probably objectively the hottest because they can look anyway they want and shift their vocals to sound like almost anything, also probably objectively the best in bed (if you’re okay with the texture of Jell-o) and honestly come on save some for the rest of us it’s not fair. This boy can SING oh my god seranade me and whisper in my ear baby. Spunky and sassy.

Hallvor: BABY OCTOPOD BOY OHHHHH I LOVE HIM HE’S SO SWEET AND IS AN ANGEL DARLING BOY SO EMBARRASSED SO SHY SOFTEST VOICE OHHH- ohhh nooo he’s got a knife ohhhhh Hallvor baby don’t be like that ohhhh... Used to work in hentai actually (I wonder why) but quit because of immoral practices and good for him we love that. Okay he’s not actually a yandere or whatever but he DEFINITELY wants to squeeze you a little too hard and has those crazy eyes.

Carla: Main character of this OHHC monster clone. She sucks I don’t like her because listen listen she kills monsters as a living and when she tries to kill our boys here, Ichabod catches her and goes “no” but then the rest (not knowing her murderous intent) fall in love with her and Ichabod is like: “shoot well I’ll keep you alive and around but I’m watching you” and blah blah romance and feelings and character development and wow she seems like she’s grown to care about them... So Ichabod removes a curse he put to prevent her from harming them or leaving... AND THEN SHE STABS THEM ALL IN THE BACK IM CRYING. I mean she might have an extra reason for needing to kill them but I haven’t decided if I want to actually put it in the story yet so.

Fingertips:

Maria/Marianna: Was this goth angry chick and the head of these losers but after a failed heist, fire, and being betrayed and dropped from a window on a 3rd or 4th story down into flames, and going to the hospital and changing her name, she changed totally and become a soft pretty girl... And then the next three boys went “HEY BOSS WE FOUND YOU” and she went “oh no” and now she’s just an anxious wreck like “no no no no no I don’t shoot people in the face anymore no no no no no” And has a fear of hands. Also was Diamontés best friend in primary school and yes all these characters went to the K-12 school all the other characters do/did. Pretty voice. The story is mostly about her being anxious around all the other characters because who was it that betrayed her and dropped her into the flames below? Find out next week on th-

Nikki: He’s that character that you see and immediately go “oh he’s gross and is angry and is a bitch” and you’re right he is and has a cockney accent and screams a lot and probably swings a knife around a lot, but he’s got a sweet interior (somewhere in there... somewhere) Screamo heavy metal. Him and the rest of these character briefly talked about having a band and then they didn’t and then at the end of the story they do and although he plays guitar mostly, if he does do lead vocals he screams a lot. Bitch.

Anthony: Pretty boy but like the “was in the army” pretty boy vibe. Probably played football in highschool. Pyromaniac. Punches Nikki a lot. Almost gives himbo vibes sometimes, almost. Kind of likes the old timey cozy aesthetic. Plays the piano sometimes but “oh I’m not very good at it” Plays extremely well

Diamonté: TALL. Purple goth boy aesthetic hellll yeahhhh. CRAZY EYES AND THEY SPEAK VOLUMES WATCH OUT. Drums. The scary kind of quiet because he just smiles at you. Crowbar. Okay but he’s actually really sweet though. Secretly loves watching Anthony and Nikki get into fights so that’s why he rarely puts a stop to it. I think he’s a sadist. Can be a gentle giant, but can also be a not so gentle giant. The only time he’s really talkative is after copious amounts of booze.

Unnamed/Undesigned 1: Literally a pimp and he’s pretty gross. Blonde hair and pink and white clothes.

Unnamed/Undesigned 2: Chick that likes to throw knives and be angry and threatens Marianna a lot but in a quiet and monotone way, Marianna is pretty scared and hopes that these are just shallow threats uhhhhh.

Unnamed/Undesigned 3: Sells guns (without a lisence of course) and wears a bandana over his face a lot. Tired. Grumpy.

Unnamed/Undesigned 4: Like Marianna, was cold hearted and cool but then got caught in the fire and got all soft. He only has one eyes but how sweet his eyepatch is a heart. Recoved along side Marianna and they are good friends good friends tha- wait Marianna are you going back with them oh god you can’t do that oh dear oh no oh-

(I don’t have a story or name for these two but they’re my comfort ship OC’s and my current hyper fixaction right now):

Rodriquéz: I literally designed him with almost all the traits I find attractive in a guy other than freckles so as you can imagine I find him super HOT. I also designed his personality on what I find attractive from a guy so as you can imagine I find him super GREAT. But anyways he’s grumpy and closed off and monotone and smug. I really could go on for hours about how I want him to step on me I’m so sorry guys. Both him and Samantha give the “21 and having immature fun” vibes. They’re a thing but they like going to bars together and splitting off and doing their own thing (or doing someone else’s thing if you get what I mean haHhahHhahGahGhaha-) But so help them if anyone doesn’t oblige by the “no” from one of these two, someone’s gonna get beat up.

Samantha: (She literally just my personality shhhhh don’t tell anyone it’s a secret) Bubbly, energetic, a little shy by extroverted, bombshell blonde or something? It took me way too much time and effort to design her but I’m really happy with how I finally designed her, I love her outfit. She could kick me in the face and I’d say thank you. Girly drinks at the bar. Got that trauma and anxiety™️ secretly though. Skips and jumps a lot. As I’m typing this I keep looking up at the drawing of her and more and more I would want her to also step on me.

(Space Story I don’t have a nice title for):

Unnamed/Undesigned 1: So... Funny story this story originally was with me and uh... My ex I guess... So I gotta replace the MC’s... Whoops ahaha... Awkward. But anyways the MC is a robot and a girl and is a slight tsundere or smthn.

Unamed/Undesigned 2: Has a space ship, works for this organization in space that protects the galaxy. Is cocky, lazy, sly, oblivious, and an idiot. The love interest- obviously. Probably accidentally committing space crimes. (Like space pirating hAHAHA-) Kind of cool when he wants to be.

Dandelion/Dandy: CAT. WITH A JET PACK. Kind of an asshole. Fun fact used to be Polli’s cat but then when the Second MC crash landed on earth she was like “fuck this noise I’m going with space boy laterz” (okay she can’t talk but she thought it).

Zizii: Lesbian alien? Yeah???? Okay but I mean her main character trait is being a dorky back alley doctor and engineer obsessed with the MC because they’re a sentient robot with emotions and a lazer arm and rocket boots WOW!!!!!!!!

Story I want to revive:

So I had a story I started writing a long time ago about this tech theatre kid that had a crush on this other theatre kid character, but in a play that other character has to kiss another person for the show, and as the story progresses the MC convinces themselves that it isn’t just a play and that their crush actually loves and is kissing that other kid. And in the play, that other character is supposed to die. Show night comes along and they die, but like actually, and by the hands of the MC (Idk maybe like a light falls on em or smthn). So it’s a grotesque scene the audience sees as just an act. (Mutters I dunno I think my idea’s cool...) So I’ve been wanting to design these characters and work more on the story but I’m busy being obsessed with Rodriquez and Samantha so. (And the Horror Host Club too I love them too still).

Other Characters that either don’t have a specific story or are kind of like background characters:

Jacqueiliquinne Merril: Sara Berry vibes from 35mm (go look up The Ballad of Sara Berry, maybe like an animatic idk the first one that comes up is nice) But otherwise rich, pretty, popular, bitch. Tries to like, steal Louise from his squad and it’s like bro that’s unnecessary who hurt you that’s so rude. She gives Nui from Kill La Kill Vibes too. Oh she knows her name is long and annoying but you have to say the whole thing.

Brianna: Jaqueiliquinne’s sister. Big titty goth gf??? She’s pretty popular too and kind of a bitch too but to a much lesser degree. Her and he sister throw hands a lot when no one is around, you know, “THEY GIRLS ARE FIGHTINNGGGG”.

The Louise Fan Club: 4 characters I haven’t named yet. One writes fanfiction of Louise and shares it with the others and with him sometimes and although he thinks it’s a bit weird he also finds it a tad endearing and supports her. One is an aspiring photographer and is constantly asking Louise to model for him. One is an artist and draws Louise all the time. And one is an aspiring musician who writes songs based of Louise’s relationships which again he finds a little weird but endearing and supports her.

The Jacquiliquinne Merril Fan Club: Genderbent-ish (I say ish because one of the characters is a little bit less defined gender wise) versions of the Louise Fan Club. Yes I’m lazy, and no they don’t get along with them, infact they hate each others club with a passion.

Unnamed/Undesigned: I wanna make some hacker kid just because I wanna have one.

Unnamed/Undesigned: I also really wanna have a super cutesy magical girl and then a really super duper generic boring character probably like star vs the forces of evil idk I never watched that show but it looks cute.

Me: I exist in the universe fukc you I can do what I want it’s my story and I get to chose the who also if you wanna be in the mess of a universe go ahead draw yourself with my OC’s I allow and encourage and appreciate it. I literally made the Horror Host Club as a sort of Harem story and you are absolutely allowed to make out with them if you’re a monster fucker DO it GO ahead it’s canon.

and that is ALL I have FOR now Knowing me I’ll make like 12 more characters by July, and I mean I need more characters for the high school anyways so...

#Super Long #Characters #OC's #ALL my characters so far

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lesbiancarat · 3 years ago

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Lol its fine!! Reply whenever you can ^_^

But ahh true, true. Idk why I thought it would be a hint to the music lol but a sort og an evolution of the concept so to speak. Either way, am excited for the comeback because fresh svt is always iconic. Oohhh the concept photos are all pretty and idk which one to pick jfkshfjsjd. Like they are all very on brand for them but also unique and pretty. Very artsy haha.

Ahh yes, rabbitnwas forever iconic and it was what helped other places like discord to do similar things! But ah understandable!! Both seventeen and nct (when I was getting into kpop more) always felt like BIG well known groups due to their fandoms being so big at least to me. Especially when people always recommended their songs i just assumed they have been around for a while like bts when I joined only to realize they are still rookies. Monster rookies indeed!! The fact so many people love them is enough for me to say they are amazing, well respected and loved by many. Those comments annoy me, especially when people downplay their hard work by claiming 'bighit helped them get more famous' like what!? Yes bighit did help with getting more western attention per se but like downplaying as if they haven't achieved anything at all is confusing to me. Claiming how streaming fans aren't doing s good job to which im like one, mass streaming isn't healthy and two, fans who do try their best and we do beat records of our own. Seventeen isn't unpopular, just because they aren't you know who level doesn't mean they aren't big like do people forget what unpopular means?

Anywhoo, a day late but happy late birthday to our tiger King. May he forever rule the tiger land and take over the world with his tiger agenda lol.

yes! one side fits my aesthetic the best but all the concept photos were nice ^^

and yeah it is annoying but at the same time those people are so detached from reality that I'm just sort of like whatever djflgj like 'it's obvious to anyone who knows what they're talking about you're wrong so I'm not going to bother arguing w you' is sort of my mindset when i see those comments dhfkj bc if i don't think of it that way then i get angry easily. the way i see it bh/hybe definitely is helping SVT with western promotions but like. i don't think SVT/pledis would have been incapable of expanding into the western market on their own if they wanted to. but it's a given that it will be easier and faster with hybe bc they have connections and a reputation in the western market already established. honestly I'd guess that was one of pledis's main incentives for agreeing to the acquisition. but at the same time hybe and western media wouldn't give SVT the time of day if they truly were the flops some ppl try to claim they are lol

and yeah agreed, streaming culture can be super unhealthy. it's one thing to do it if you want to but at the same time don't be losing sleep over it or prioritizing it over your real life responsibilities. and definitely don't guilt trip and say a bunch of toxic things to others to get them to stream... i feel like it would be a lot healthier if fanbases just stuck to simply explaining, hey this is what streaming is and why it can be important (for like music shows etc) and here's how to do it properly if you choose to stream, and then just let people decide for themselves. there would still be people more than willing to do it, and without the guilt tripping maybe even more people would just find it enjoyable. but hey, what do i know? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

i also think most kpop stans underestimate how many views from from casual listeners and fans vs hardcore fans/streamers. like streaming does make a difference, but not 100M views difference like some people try to act like it does. tbh there are a lot of groups that have a smaller core fanbase than SVT but get hundreds of millions of views bc they have a lot of casual listeners. you can even see it internally too: don't wanna cry is SVTs most viewed MV by a mile, it's the only one to pass 100M views, let alone 200M. and it has nothing to do w carats streaming dwc extra hard, it's bc it's arguably SVTs most well known song outside of the fandom. i see reactors all the time who react to it and say "oh i know this song! i had no idea it was by seventeen" and you can look at the comments section and see a bunch of people saying the song has a fandom of its own/even if you're not a carat you have to know this song

kpop stans also put too much emphasis on views imo and also equate views to popularity, which on the surface might make sense but isn't always the case. actually in terms of profit, groups/companies make the vast majority of their money off of album, merch, and ticket sales than they do off of views. but those are all things that are a lot harder to "sell" than views, because they actually cost money for the consumer, while you can watch an MV for free. hence why it makes sense that there are a lot of groups with hundreds of millions of views that get relatively low album sales. it's easy to convince casual fans and and listeners to watch an MV than to get them to buy something

and I'm not trying to diss other groups at all or try to say groups that consistently get 200M+ views are flops, they're absolutely not. I'm just trying to point out that kpop stans completely underestimate the amount of casual listeners that exist

but this is why SVT is honestly such a fascinating case. their MV views are nothing to write home about, and yet they're the second highest selling k-act at the moment and are in the top 10 if not top 5 highest selling k-acts of all time, their album sales are literally insane. a lot of people chalk it up to carats being bad streamers but like i said before, streaming isn't going to make a difference of hundreds of millions of views. this indicates to me that seventeen have a bigger core fanbase (ie people who call themselves carats and actually keep track of seventeens activities) but a smaller audience of casual listeners compare to other kpop groups. and i think a lot of people, carats, and non carats alike, pick up on this in some way or another but don't realize that's what's going on and it manifests in kind of weird ways sometimes

and this fact isn't something that bothers me, i actually think it's super important more than anything for SVT to have a strong core fanbase if what they're shooting for is longevity. but i do find it strange bc as i said, groups that do better with digitals than physical sales make total sense from a consumer standpoint!! so how did SVT end up like this!! it's so interesting for me to think about. i think i would have a better idea of why this is if i had been around since debut but alas

the only thing i can come up with is that SVT is better at retaining fans or like... getting fans invested in the group so people who become carats are less likely to be multistans? bc multistans play a huge part in both being and attracting casual listeners. they're the ones making video compilations and edits and content that includes multiple kpop groups, which is how a lot of non-fans get interested in other groups. whereas if someone is just a carat and making content for SVT the people most likely to watch that content is ppl who are already carats. i know im not the only one that's noticed it's kind of rare for SVT to be included in multistan edits and videos. which i don't blame anyone for, i think most of those people genuinely just don't stan SVT and they shouldn't be expected to include a group they don't know we'll or at all. at the end of the day ppl can make what they like. but it's interesting to observe as a general trend. but idk SVT potentially having a lower percentage of multistans still isn't really an explanation for why SVT doesn't have as many casual listeners bc those things kind of just go hand in hand. like either one could be the cause of the other one if that makes sense

ANYWAY sorry for the long reply but as i said the ratio of SVTs core fanbase vs casual listeners is a topic i find endlessly fascinating dhfmfj

#melia.ask #📖 anon #long post

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ain-t-bovvered · 5 years ago

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15x08 Commentary

Bunch of tired and caffeinated Europeans ( plus a sleepy American) scream together, and then die and try to get on with their day ( lol AS IF)

@smol-and-grumpy (Nat)

@dean-winchesters-bacon (Kat)

@waywardbaby (Zee)

@ain-t-bovvered (Giulia)

Nat : 3

Nat : 2

Nat : 1

Nat : go

Giulia: Ugh so young Kat: Adam was our brother Nat : Sobs Zee: Babies Kat: The babes Zee: Assbutt Giulia: Assbutt Kat: Hey assbutt lol Giulia: And then he was forgotten forever Kat: Hey my demon Giulia: Fuck off chuck Zee: Future corpses? Giulia: Let’s play are they dead or tired Nat : She definitely is Nat : ah Zee: Strike out future Kat: Omg did he kill all these people? Giulia: Wow Kat: Ffs Chuck Giulia: Wow Giulia: Is that tequila sunrise Nat : Easy on the rum Giulia: Yuck Nat : pf Zee: You don’t want me cranky Nat : WEAK Kat: He is the WORST Zee: What a dick Kat: EILEEN Zee: GO GIIIIIRRRLLL Nat : Still got it, girl Giulia: I fucking swear if they kill her off again Zee: RIGHT IN THE NUTS Nat : Ah Kat: Hell ya Nat : "HEY" Zee: CONFUSED MOOSE Kat: Push him away

Kat: THEY ARE SO CUTE Giulia: Yeah u are Giulia: Snort Nat : You are Nat : Snorts

Nat : Sam with his salads man Zee: And Eileen with junk food

Giulia: Well Dean looks happy

Kat: BOOM Nat : Boom Zee: Boom Giulia: Boom Nat : Is there an echo in this chat?

Kat: I love when we speak at the same time

Giulia: Dickdemons Nat : DICKtated Zee: What’s with his enunciation ?? And with his face Giulia: Lot’s of dicks in his mouth Giulia: Wait

S: So, he has an Achilles heel. D: Well, I'm saying he has a weak spot.

Kat: I hate it when they dumb down Dean Giulia: Yeah, not that funny sometimes Zee: That close up!!!! Giulia: MY BABY Zee: And enter cas

Giulia: snort Zee: In all his fed up glory Giulia: DONNY Kat: Aw Donnie

WAIT , I CAN MAKE THIS BETTER

YOU WELCOME

Kat: JEAN SHIRT Zee: JUST TWO LAYERS?? Nat : Ah I feel like Donatello is me Zee: NAKED Giulia: True Giulia: Me Nat : lol

Donny: Oh And, guys, when I go crazy again,

Kat: Just shoot me Kat: Mood Zee: ALLLL THE CHICKEN Giulia: AH

Zee: Stop it Nat : Yeah, definitely me Nat : Only with his favorite

D: Oh, yeah, a real daddy's boy.

Giulia: daddy’s boi Nat : Ah that's the part where they bring in Michael Kat: Ya Giulia: AH Zee: Hi Donnie

Nat : Ah, yeah he cray Zee: Oh fuck Giulia: Cass is me when i explain spn to my friends

Giulia: CHUCK

Kat: CHUCK

Giulia: asshole Nat : Fuck u

G: But this -- Let this one go.

Kat: Hate him so much Giulia: HE BLUFFING Nat : I gO aLL pOwERfUL Kat: Powerful, my ass Zee: God is an asshole

Donny: Really? I have to leave? Oh, that's too bad. I'll, uh -- I'll just get my stuff.

Zee: Run Giulia: LOL Nat : snorts "too bad" Kat: Grabbed the chicken lol Giulia: awe cas is worried Nat : Cas has got no fucking patience left Zee: I get that Kat: None Giulia: UGH Kat: Oof Kat: That tone Giulia: that stare

Giulia: AAAAAAAH Zee: Fandom going crazy Nat : Yeah

Kat: Aw

Nat : I see the fics Giulia: i’m going crazy Nat : that I won't read Kat: Rowena 😭 Giulia: They should stop zooming inf his hands because it does stuff Giulia: AWE Zee: On all their hands

Giulia: They in hell

Zee: Welcome Giulia: Again Nat : Cas knows his way around Nat : Ladies lol

Zee: Yeah Giulia: Of course Zee: That didn’t go well

Giulia: Wow

Nat : Aw come on

Zee: Are any of us winning? Kat: Nope Giulia: Well they seem more compatible Giulia: Sdbdksbdildbs Giulia: What Kat: ROWENA Kat: OMG Zee: Oh well

Giulia: AAAAAH Nat : ROWENA Giulia: WHAT Nat : WHAT Nat : IS Nat : GOING Nat : ON Giulia: FUCK RIGHT OFF Kat: LOOK AT MY GIRL Nat : Of course she'd rule. WHAT ELSE DID WE EXPECT Zee: No one hands you anything darling Giulia: YAS GURL BAD ASS WITCH BITCH Nat : I AM SO HAPPY Giulia: YES, MAKE UP ON POINT Zee: Of course Kat: HAIR ON POINT Kat: DRESS ON POINT Nat : SHE'S QUEEN OF HELL, SHE'S ALLOWED Giulia: she deserve it

R: Did you not hear the man? [ Screaming ] Find him!

Zee: YAS

Nat : AH Giulia: AHAHAHAH Nat : SNORTS Giulia: LOVE HER

Kat: THAT WINK Giulia: LOVE Nat : AW So if the boys would go to hell, they'd have good company as Rowena Giulia: Shut up nat Nat : I know Zee: YOU SERIOUS? Nat : Eileen, NO Kat: NO EILEEN Giulia: BAD EILEEN Nat : Yeah, you stay girl Kat: She’s gonna get herself killed

Giulia: LOOK AT HER Zee: That’s a fucking queen Nat : Samuel please

R: Samuel, be a dear.

S: yeah

Giulia: WHAT SHE DESERVE Nat : Sex lol Zee: Amazon doesn’t deliver here, YET Giulia: SHE QUEEN Nat : I'M QUEEN Nat : Yes you are

Giulia: SO AWKWARD Nat : I'm also Queen Giulia: STOP THAT U TWO, I CNNOT

Nat : What am I picking up of you two

Kat: Auntie Rowena

Nat : FIIIINE

Giulia: IM CRYING Nat : IT'S FIIIIIINNEEEEE Giulia: FIX IT Nat : FIX IT Nat : Aw Zee: SLAP THEM QUEEN

Giulia: FIIIIIIX IT

Nat : She' the mom Giulia: THANK YOU MOM ROWEENA

R: Making Napoleon so short was just bitchy. Telling Mick Jagger he had no future when I dumped him.

Kat: I love her infinitely Nat : Ah Giulia: ROWENA IS MY MOM

Nat : There he is

Zee: HE BE HUNGRY Giulia: i don t even remember this mich universe Kat: Wow Giulia: I don’t know much Giulia: Sure u don t Zee: Now I’m hungry Nat : Ok but I'm hungry Kat: He hungry Kat: Me too Giulia: WHAT HE DOING ON THAT PIZZA WTF *Eye twitching in italian* Nat : Maybe pepper Zee: Family sucks Kat: He’s been in hell, give him a break Nat : I hope it's peppers Nat : My god. Donatello is mood Giulia: IT S TIME Kat: For what Giulia: KITCHEN TALK

Zee: That’s adorable Kat: That’s adorable Giulia: but first Eileen talks Giulia: Awe Stop it you two Zee: The way he says “thing” Fuck him

Zee: She’s hot Giulia: SHE GETS IT Kat: My heart Giulia: OF COURSE SHE DOES. I COULD GET IT TOO

editing Giuls: ..... what she said Kat: Stop it

Nat : You could do worse Giulia: AH so much better Zee: Brothers Giulia: STOP MY HEART Kat: 😭😭😭 Giulia: awe shucks Next time then Kat: I miss brother talks Zee: Yeah Kat: Ugh Zee: Oh no Giulia: AH HER AGAIN Nat : Ugh ee: Not her again Giulia: She’s snazzy tho, I kinda like her Zee: The ikea yellow again Giulia: Not her wardrobe tho. The berret can stay Nat : It's so weird. Michael was so fucking powerful when he possessed Dean and now he lets himself being commanded around Giulia: Well I guess being in the same body with that wuss does things to you Kat: Different Michael personalities I guess

*Lilith gets roasted* Nat : Ah Giulia: There. U happy? Zee: You were saying Giulia: Wow Giulia: Ok Giulia: Bye lillith Giulia: And again Nat : I miss the suits tho Giulia: Guess he’s just depressed Nat : They could have dressed up Adam Giulia: The peaky blinders feel Nat : Snorts Donnie Giulia: NOW IT S TIME Kat: Donnie is a mood again

Giulia: ME Nat : Ah pour me some bourbon too Zee: I need burbon Giulia: not yet Zee: I wanna live in the bunker Giulia: Castiel bb Kat: Unpleasant lol

ME :

Giulia: Why i love when cas haS these scenes tho Nat : Your father is not who you knew. Kat: You love Cas? Giulia: * Will Smith pose * a babe Zee: He should stop with that face Giulia: I know Giulia: THAT TINY MICHEAL Zee: You called me assbutt and set me on fire

Editing Giuls: .....I’M-

Zee: I didn’t come to beg Giulia: Oh I didn t come to beg Kat: I didn’t come to beg Giulia: BITCH I GREW Zee: You grew ?

LOOK AT THESE TWO MODELING SONS OF BITCHES MY GOD

Giulia: STOP WITH THE HANDCUFFS Giulia: zee I swear Kat: YES ANOTHER CUFFS SCENE

Nat : Dean always holds the cuffs , they know Giulia: I can already see all the fics Zee: I’m gonna read Nat : Sames Kat: Right? He doesn’t need to run it in

M: Sam. You look well. Last time I saw you in the Cage... S: Yeah, it doesn't matter.

Sammy has no time for your bullshit Michael.

M: You're asking me to trust you -- you, who doomed me, you, who let Lucifer walk free while your own brother sat in hell.

Giulia: Lol micheal telling how it is Kat: Sames Giulia: SNORT Giulia: OH awkward Nat : I was right when I said Michael is in Adam and not the inside kinda way Zee: What Zee: The Zee: Fuck Nat : Michael lets you talk? lol Giulia: Dean and his Micheal ptsd Kat: 😭

Giulia: YEAH HOW ABOUT A SORRY Zee: He’s so hurt Giulia: well ....wow ok good acting Zee: Paradise is boring Kat: He really is a daddy’s boy Giulia: He looks a bit loony too Zee: A million years in hell do that to a person Giulia: Those books irk me Nat : Adam tries to talk sense into Michael Nat : I'm here for it Giulia: Mid eternity crisis Zee: Mid eternity crisis Giulia: Me Kat: Of course Nat : Parents keep secrets. Do we? Giulia: Ok but i love the different acting. He’s real good Zee: He is Giulia: U ALL DO Giulia: STOP EILEEN Nat : Eileen you stay put Kat: EILEEN NO Nat : She's gonna get killed Zee: Is that a trap ? Nat : I think it's a trap Nat : could be Giulia: AWE CUTE Nat : ah no Giulia: NOW IT S GONNA BE TIME SOON Kat: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

C: You know, Michael, I never really liked you. Even when I was just another angel, I thought you were too haughty, too...To paraphrase a friend, you had an entire oak tree shoved up your ass.

Nat : snorts Giulia: ENTIRE OAK TREE SHOVED UP YOUR ASS Zee: Shoved up your ass Nat : that would hurt

C: I'm looking at you, and I...I just pity you. Because you were never God's favorite. You were just a little part of his story, a tiny part of his story. You weren't even a star. You weren't even a star. At least Lucifer knew that God can't be trusted. But I guess he was always the smart one.

Nat : Cas, you should have seen that coming Nat : What he said Giulia: NICE CAS Zee: Jack Zee: He’s gonna pop Giulia: I DIDN T NEED THAT AGAIN Nat : so many dirty things in my head

Giulia: FINALLY Nat : Ah this scene Zee: Yes Giulia: I WAS WAITING FOR THIS

Zee: They’re not even looking at each other

Giulia: LEAVE Giulia: GET OUT Giulia: I WANT U DED Giulia: LOL IT S FINE IT S FIIIIIIINE Zee: We didn’t bond Giulia: IM FINE Nat : Finally Giulia: how to call people in extra Zee: God lied to me Kat: NONONONONONONONONONONO Nat : Wouldn't u do that Kat: Wait am I ahead Nat : Yes Giulia: Of course I would are you even question that Zee: Don’t like this Kat: FUCKING HELL Nat : half the house is falling apart whenever you call someone in Nat : lol Giulia: I DON T LIKE THIS Giulia: THE FUCK Nat : Ah IT WAS A TRAP Giulia: STOP Zee: Knew it Nat : UGH Kat: DAMN IT CHUCK Giulia: AW COME ON Kat: I HATE HIM Giulia: IM FEAR Giulia: thank you micheal Nat : HE WILL HELP THEM Nat : Do we trust him Giulia: NO WE DON T

M: And, to bind the spell together, the nectar from a Leviathan blossom. Giulia: WHET Nat : A what Kat: ONG NOT THE DAMN LEVIATHANS Giulia: OH Nat : Purgatory? Giulia: PURGATORY OF COURSE Zee: Fuck no Kat: PURGATORY DEAN PLEASE YES PLEASE I NEED Nat : NO Nat : DO WE TRUST HIM Giulia: OH ARE WE GETTING PURGATORY BONDING TAKE 2?

Editing future Giuls: YEAH , YEAH WE DID GET IT, IT WAS AMAZING

Zee: This will rip my heart Giulia: This michael is so depressed Kat: So our Michael can just make doors out of thin air? Giulia: Apparently

D: Adam, I want you to know... we are sorry. What happened to you... You're a good man. You didn't deserve that.

Zee: DEAN SHUT UP

Giulia: THANK YOU DEAN Nat : Michel can apparently do more than we thought Giulia: True

A: Since when do we get what we deserve?

Zee: ADAM SHUT UP Nat : No, Adam stay. I want him to stay Giulia: IM FEAR Nat : So Two guys in Purgatory will Cas want to come back tho Nat : Alright Promo Giulia: PROMO TIME Nat : Ugh I think they'll be trapped in Purgatory longer than the 12hours Kat: Oi hey Giulia: HOLD ON Zee: The fuck?

If you want to get tagged send an ask HERE or to @waywardbaby or a smoke signal, idk whatever I’m tired af.

TAGS: @wayward-angelgirl @destiel-honeypie @mariekoukie6661 @dragontamerm @closetspngirl @rainflowermoon @mattiecat @bunnybaby121115 @aliaitee2 @jacks-word-of-the-day @4evamc @dammitsammy @legendary-destiel @winchesterprincessbride @destielhoneybee @ravenhg @evvvissticante @emoryhemsworth @markofdean79

#supernatural 15x08 #Episode commentary #spn commentary #SUPERNATURAL COMMENTARY #15x08 commentary #dean winchester #Sam Winchester #castiel #Jensen Ackles #Jared Padalecki #Misha Collins #15x08 spn #spn #supernatural #Supernatural episode

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my-happy-little-bean · 5 years ago

Text

Golden Slumbers - Chapter 20

[Previous Chapter]

Chapter 20: Yellow Roses

pairings: logan/patton (logicality), roman/virgil (prinxiety) words: 2787 warnings: alcohol, sad vibes, maybe swearing; with solemn, you never know (bean edit: there is no swearing! such wonders is this!) summary: logan fray has been running his flower shop, aster’s, for about three years now. he hasn’t run into too much trouble yet—other than the occasional presence of his friend, roman prince, who runs a broadway-themed café across the street—and his life had been relatively quiet for quite some time now. that is, until patton sanders opens up a gift shop next door that prides itself in pun-filled cards. that’s when logan’s life gets a bit…louder.

a/n- did you know that roman has a cat named dinah? she was mentioned in chapter 9, did you know that?

we back, bby.

thanks to @solemn-writing-vow! writing with you again has been an absolute pleasure. god, we should do this more often.

tag list ✨ – @virgiltheanxious, @pinkeasteregg, @toomuchstuffnotenoughcreativity, @the-anti-virgil, @ace-v-p-d, @minnie-sparkle, @too-precious-to-process, @freepaperie081, @whatwashernameagain, @adoratato, @ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2, @softprxnce, @migraine-marathon, @alana-of-the-cartwrights, @emo-sanders-sides-loving-unicorn, @thepusheenqueen, @at-least-seven-pretty-potatoes, @hanramz-the-fander, @atomicengineerdetective, @anony-phangirl, @keeshy-ekho, @samwantstobereal, @potatogirl309, @wentzdayz, @incrediblymanlytears, @generalfandom, @paradoxicalpatton, @poisonedapples :), @michealawithana, @pasteliosis, @microsoft-nerd, @theinsanem, @blinded-by-nobody, @taylorharmonies, @axyzel, @29-cupsofyogurt, @grey-lysander, @russian-radiation-station, @razberrypuck, @leafyhill910, @a-lexicon-of-words, @uh-r00d, @definenormalifyoucan, @yeet-me-dad, @misslilidelaney, @corruptedicon, @patton-loves-coloring, @bubblycricket, @i-am-not-a-feeling, @froggyfun27, @penguins-in-turquoise-scarves, @insanityandimperfection, @spacenerrrd, @hissesssss, @pattongirl, @your-username-is-unavailable, @midknight-mania, @wandering-wondering-aimlessly, @crofters-junkie, @hi-disappointed-im-daughter, @peanut0303, @applecannibal, @fandoms-winkitywonk, @illiani, @teenageengineerobservation, @koalaaquabear, @aceofhearts567, @davidthetraveler

((disclaimer: my tag system is a Mess™️ so if ur url is here and it shouldn’t be/you don’t want it to be, or if you want to be on the tag list and ur not on it, pls send me an ask !! thank u ^-^))

read on AO3 if you’d like ^-^

-------------------

“yellow roses = associated with the sun and its life-giving warmth; friendship”

~*~

‘It’s quiet. It’s too quiet.

Say something.

It’s quiet, and it’s dark,

and you’re alone, and–’

“Here we are!” Roman announced, flicking on the light switch with his elbow, turning around, and peering over the box he was holding. His bright smile snapped Patton out of his thoughts. “Welcome to my kingdom!”

Logan rolled his eyes. “Where can we situate ourselves?”

“Dinah’s probably sleeping in my room, so boxes can go in the guest room, Buzzed Light-kill,” Roman huffed. He looked over at Virgil and smiled. “You want to help Logan, mi amor? I would do it myself, but–”

“Boxes would snap your noodle arms,” Virgil said smugly. He nodded, grabbing the box out of Roman’s arms. “I’ll take care of it.”

Roman placed a hand on his chest dramatically, his mouth falling into a little ‘o’. “My arms are not noodles! I just– have other important things to do…” He finished lamely as Virgil and Logan made their way to the guest room. ‘Oh well. Mission Failed. We’ll get ‘em next time. Back to the most important issue’.

Roman turned around and smiled kindly at Patton.

“Let’s embark on a grand adventure to the kitchen, shall we?” Roman extended his hand, sweeping into a low bow. “Fulfill our quest for that hot chocolate?”

‘Say something.’ Patton swallowed down a lump in his throat as he stared at Roman’s hand.

“Sure.” Even his own voice sounded small. Weak. He decided it’d be best to not say anything else. He tried not to notice the fall in Roman’s smile. Now you’ve disappointed him. Made him worry about you. Idiot!

“Fantastic!” Roman said, almost without missing a beat. He straightened himself up once more and took Patton’s hand. And Patton did not flinch, no he did not. “Let’s be on our merry way!”

“Please be careful, will you?” Logan’s voice sounded as if it were miles behind them now. It also sounded sad.

“To infinity and beyond!” Roman exclaimed instead, skipping to the kitchen and dragging Patton beside him.

“Why won’t you smile, Patty dearest?”

Patton didn’t know why.

-------------------

The hot chocolate grew cold on the counter.

“I’m not sure standing here is going to help,” Logan offered, rather unhelpfully if Roman could say anything about it. “Are you going to give it to him or not?”

“I will, calm yourself,” Roman muttered, his tapping on the counter speeding up. (He was tapping in 5/4 time, what has he become?)

Logan looked over at Virgil, who was peering through the kitchen window that gave a view into the living room. Following his gaze, he noticed Patton was still sitting on the couch Roman had left him on, staring wordlessly at The Tigger Movie on the TV. He peered back at the hot chocolate. “It’s gone rather cold, too.”

“I just don’t know what to do.” Roman continued to tap his finger on the counter, pointedly ignoring Logan at this point, since he’s hardly getting to the point. Out of principle.

“He’s never not bounced to ‘Round My Family Tree’ before,” Virgil noted, continuing to stare at Patton with a certain kind of astonishment. Logan sighed.

“Well one of us is going to have to do something,” Logan stated. “We can’t just leave him there alone for a lengthened period of time.” A pause. More quietly, Logan adds, “He’s done that enough.”

Roman glared at him. The tapping intensified. “I’m doing everything I can, Logan.”

“He’s just...staring at it.” Virgil spoke even quieter now.

“We can’t just continue to do nothing,” Logan pointed out once more. “Someone needs to talk to him.”

“Why don’t you do it, Pointdexter?” Roman hissed. “He clearly won’t want to talk to any of us. I’m sure you can Fix-it...Felix.”

Logan looked at him incredulously. “Pardon?”

“Junior,” Virgil quipped lightly. A beat of silence before the joke finally registered, by the look of faint disgust on Logan’s face.

“Ah, I see.” Logan pushed up his glasses. “I suppose I was mistaken beforehand. Someone needs to talk to him other than Roman.”

“I’m trying to help!” Roman protested. “I started the conversation, I made him hot chocolate–”

“That you haven’t given him,” Logan interrupted.

“I put on some Disney," Roman soldiered on, ignoring Logan’s point. “Like, come on! This is the formula to a happy-pappy Patton!”

“Guys,” Virgil finally said, a bit more firmly this time. He spun around on his heel and faced Logan and Roman, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Look, how about Logan, you just bring the hot chocolate to the kitchen and sit with Patton until we’re there. You don’t have to talk to him, at least just watch the movie with him. Okay?”

Logan looked over at Patton, who was now hugging a pillow to his chest with the same, blank stare at the TV. He sighed, but nodded anyway, grabbing the hot chocolate and making his way to the living room.

When he was gone, Roman glared at Virgil.

“What gives?” he hissed quietly. “You told me I was doing great! This is me...doing great!”

“Yeah, at a distraction,” Virgil said, nervously looking over at the living room as he watched Logan take a seat beside Patton. He shook his head. “Though I’m starting to think we’re running out of distractions.”

“No doi!” Roman said, almost exasperated. “That’s the issue, Christopher Rob-him...of…” A pause. Roman scrunched his face up in frustration. “Look, all my brain power is going towards solutions,” Roman rambled. “Don’t give me problems, give me solutions, Christopher Rob-him-of-solutions! Him being...him being– being me!” He pointed wildly at Virgil and triumphantly blurted out, “A-ha!”

Silence. Virgil rolled his eyes.

“Wow.” Virgil shook his head. “My point is that…” He took a deep breath. “I’m starting to think that maybe distracting him so that he can be temporarily happy isn’t what he needs right now.”

“I don’t want to see him sad either!” Roman protested.

“Well, none of us do,” Virgil shot back. “But maybe we need to push that aside for him. He needs to be sad; the one thing we can give him right now is some company to be...sad in.”

Roman said nothing. Virgil sighed, looking over at Patton, who was now crying into Logan’s shoulder. The movie had been long forgotten.

“It’s hard seeing him like this,” Virgil said quietly. “It’s harder knowing that he was hurting. I was standing right in front of the person who hurt him and I did nothing.”

Roman’s face softened. “There was nothing else you can do, mi pequeño rayo. You said what you wanted to say.”

“Not everything,” Virgil muttered. “There was loads I could’ve said. Maybe more I could’ve done there too.” He averted his glance from Roman. “I wanted nothing more than to rip her to shreds for ever making Patton feel like...like this.”

Roman took a step closer to Virgil. “I know.”

“He doesn’t deserve it.” Virgil’s voice trembled. “It’s a horrible feeling– to know you’ve done so much to make something work. Realizing that what you’ve had for so long wasn’t even love to begin with– it’s a horrible, horrible feeling.”

“I know.” The words slip out before Roman could stop it. Virgil looked at him with wide eyes and Roman blinked.

What was he doing? Roman’s thoughts raced. He needed to be whatever they need right now; why was he not doing that?

He needed to be their hero.

Not this. Not now.

Roman tugged at the hem of his sleeve.

“Maybe you’re right,” Roman finally said. He straightened. “He needs not to be saved — but supported.” He smiled. “I can do that.”

Virgil frowned. “We can do that. Okay?”

Silence.

“Of course, love,” Roman stated simply.

And with that, Roman tapped Virgil’s cheek softly before heading to the living room to accompany Patton. Virgil watched him as he left.

He couldn’t help but stare at Roman’s arm, the scene of him tugging down at his sleeve lingering in his head.

“I know.”

Virgil bit the inside of his lip. It’s a horrible, horrible feeling.

-------------------

When Logan sat down beside Patton, all Patton could hear in his head was “say something.”

“I, um–” Logan cleared his throat, presenting Patton with a soft blue, tartan patterned mug with angel wings on it. “Roman made you hot chocolate. Marshmallows and all.” He frowned. “Though I am afraid it is rather cold now. And the marshmallows have melted.”

A pause, before Logan promptly offered a small smile, holding the cup a little more towards Patton, who just stared at it.

“Why can’t you grateful for once?!”

“Thanks,” he said softly, taking the cup and holding it on his lap. Logan nodded, and the two fell into silence once more. Patton watched as Logan took a glance at the TV. ‘Fill the silence, fool!’

“I simply do not understand the premise of this movie,” Logan finally said, clearing his throat. Patton could see the haze of orange and black reflected onto his glasses. “Why are all the characters wearing those...costumes? I am almost certain that Winnie the Pooh does not look like that.”

Patton forced a quiet laugh.

“They’re trying to make Tigger happy,” he responded softly. He tried to ignore the way Logan looked back at him (stupid, stupid, stupid) and instead fixed his stare on the movie.

“Patton,” he heard Logan say quietly. “I– we are here for you. You are...you are aware of that, yes?”

Patton felt numb at the words. He shouldn’t need to be taken care of.

“I don’t know how I never...how I never saw it, you know?” Patton’s voice barely broke above a whisper. He can’t help but laugh, despite it sounding so broken. “I’m a bit silly, aren’t I?”

“Patton,” Logan said, almost sternly. He placed a hand on his knee, and Patton tensed up at the sudden contact. “You are not at fault for this.”

Patton said nothing.

“Now, you’re not going to cry, are you, Patty?”

“It doesn’t really matter.” He bit his lip. “It doesn’t matter anymore because– because it’s over, isn’t it?”

“Pat…”

“I messed everything up, even if– even if you think I didn’t.” Logan’s heart broke at Patton’s feeble attempts of breaking into some kind of an optimistic smile. “And now I lost...well, everything.”

“Falsehood. We have at least four boxes full of your things. Furthermore–” Logan added gently– “you are here.” Safe.

“Doesn’t make me any less lost,” Patton replied, his voice breaking. He swallowed down a sob when Logan didn’t respond.

“Lo,” he murmured, his voice suddenly smaller.

“Yes, Patton?”

A pause.

“What if that was it?” Patton finally asked. Before Logan could cut in, Patton continued. “What if she was all I had?” He looked at Logan with wide, teary eyes. “What if she was my soulmate?”

Logan frowned. Silence filled the room for a few seconds as Patton’s question lingered in the air.

“Patton,” Logan decided to say, “I am not in the business of believing that such errant frivolities such as soulmates exist.”

Patton bit back a sob.

“So I’m alone.” He broke into a laugh; this one more strained than before. “I’m sorry, Logan. I just...I don’t think that helps. Not now, at least.”

“No, the intention of my statement was not to make you...upset.” Logan cleared his throat. “It is a mere belief of mine, I think.” He took a deep breath. “I do not believe soulmates exist because it is preposterous to believe that there is one person for everyone. There are simply just...the right people. That is why people are able to be happy, alone or with significant others — their existences are not dependent on another being, nor are they incomplete until they find that person.”

He sighed. “There are just the right people, Patton; people who improve you and allow themselves to grow alongside you.” Patton averted his glance from him and Logan added, more hesitantly, “The universe is too intelligent as to not have another plan for you. It is…ineffable.”

Silence.

“Thank you, Logan,” Patton said his voice numb; “but you are wrong.”

Logan found himself speechless. Patton continue to force his stare away from Logan in the hopes of hiding the tears rolling down his cheeks.

“Y-You’re wrong,” he said again, “because I couldn’t change.”

“Patton–” Logan sputtered out.

“It’s true, okay?” Patton felt himself shake at every word. “I couldn’t change– who’s to say I could change for anyone else? Who’s to say that I’ll be able to change for the right person too?” Pathetic, you’re being pathetic, stop stop stop stop.

“Patton–”

“God, where am I even going to go?”

“I’m not wrong.” Logan huffed. “You’ll stay with…me, I suppose. If you’re amenable– ah, willing.”

“And then what?” Patton cried, exasperated. Logan’s mouth snapped closed. “Logan, what if I wait and wait and wait and then realize too late that she was my last chance?”

Patton bit his lip, tears blurring his vision.

“I-I’m just so scared.” He can’t stop the sob from escaping. “Logan, what if I can’t live without her?”

And that was the breaking point.

Logan’s body structure tensed, yet his walls crumbled; as Patton collapsed onto his shoulder and began to cry. He could feel the tears stain his shirt and it took all of his will power not to cry with him.

He instead took Patton’s wrist and felt for his pulse, making an affirming noise.

“As I thought.” Patton looked up at him, sniffling.

“What?”

“Place your hand over your heart.”

“Why?” Logan sighed at Patton’s blank stare.

“Just do it.”

Patton slowly did as Logan said.“What…” He looked confused. Logan looked at him softly.

“Do you feel your heartbeat? It’s steady.”

“I don’t understand–”

“You’re living,” Logan interrupted. “You are alive, and she’s not here.” Patton sniffled a bit, letting out a strangled half-laugh. Logan’s heart fluttered with the small victory.

“It’s not the same, really. But thanks.” Patton said softly, leaning back against Logan.

Logan’s mind raced for how to respond or if it would be too much, but was saved by Roman resting his head against Patton, wrapping him into a hug. Virgil soon came to sit beside Roman, reaching to hold Patton’s hand.

No one said anything as the movie faded out of their attention.

And it was quiet.

-------------------

The morning came and went without any of them noticing it. Logan—who just watched as the little group that surrounded Patton drifted off to sleep as the night passed him—came to terms with the fact that he would just not be going to work. He could afford one day, after all.

He took the liberty of texting Thomas on Roman’s phone that Roman would not be at work; and every now and then Dinah would make her way into the living room, jumping onto the space beside Logan. She was a gorgeous cat, Logan noted — though by the looks of how Patton’s sniffles turned into sneezes in his sleep, she probably couldn’t stay for that long.

As he continued his mindless thoughts, a dull headache beginning to build up—‘Never again, I’m never drinking again’—he felt his phone buzz twice beside him.

Careful not to wake anyone up, he slowly reached over for his phone and pulled it towards him. Without really looking at the sender, he slid open the first new message.

From: Jen | 7:01 am

Hey, sorry for how long this took. But good news! Turns out ur still smart as heck and the flower TOTALLY WORKED. Obviously not magic, but still pretty close! :D :D Let’s grab some coffee soon and talk, nerd <3

Logan smiled half-heartedly on the screen. He had forgotten to update Jen about the state of his little ‘project’ and wasted her time, god, why does he just do everything wrong?.

Beside him, he suddenly heard the faint sound of Patton’s steady breathing, turning to see Roman’s head slowly drop against his chest. Virgil’s hand was still tightly locked around Patton’s.

And Patton was quiet. And Patton looked...at peace.

If there is anyone who is smart, he typed back, it would be you. It is a complete wonder that you figured it out, and I look forward to meeting with you for said coffee in order to learn your method of how you did so. What day works for you?

He pressed send without thinking about it too hard; it’s time, after all, to change.

And as the golden sun poured through Roman’s curtains, a new thought filled Logan’s mind

as he drifted off to sleep.

You’re going to have to read the other text eventually, you know.

-------------------

a/n- reblogs, likes, whatever — i love ‘em all! thank you for reading, mes amies; hope u enjoyed it <33

[Next chapter]

#sanders sides fanfic #sanders sides #thomas sanders #logicality #prinxiety #logan/patton #roman/virgil #logic/morality #creativity/anxiety #logan sanders patton sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #logic #morality #creativity #anxiety #flower shop AU #gabbie writes things #golden slumbers fic

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mediioxumate · 5 years ago

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🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻! :3c

send 🌻 and i’ll talk about whatever! || @vaciiviity || accepting!

1. im so glad you talked me into playing v3!! i definitely have beef with a good chunk of the writing but also i have beef with a good chunk of the writing for most of my fandoms - but also the bonus modes are SO fun and have been helping with muse and writing!!

2. today im by myself at the office since it’s not a patient care day, but that means the only light in the hallway is the red exit light and it’s SO creepy like if i go suddenly missing it’s bc someone murdered me on a bathroom break

3. with everything going on, im very jealous of my coworkers that can work from home, my company has a slack and half the pet channel is people taking pictures of their pets while they work and i want what they have. that being said i can’t imagine taking a call from a patient FREAKING out and then them hearing my lovely adorable but batshit cat screaming in the bg

4. also, watching everyone go ham for animal crossing is very cute but ac genuinely stresses me out which is so ridiculous asdjfhalksdf with games i typically play a LOT daily and then play nothing for like three months, and if you don’t touch ac for 3 months your villagers move and your town goes to shit and everyone is sad and thats TOO much responsibility for a simple jo

5. the water boiler thing at this office sings to you when the water is ready and it’s so cute im gonna cry (inspired bc it just did)

6. if you thought i’d get through a whole meme where i talk about whatever i want without gushing about you and your kids and your writing you were SORELY mistaken. time to be sappy on main. i’ve been rping for 10+ years (god i feel old wtf) and i tend to come and go, and usually stick around blogs for 2-3 months, make a week or two long come back, wander off, make a new blog for my next fandom, and that’s literally always been my pattern. in ?? september??? when i came back to akira i assumed i’d last about two weeks, just getting a surge of muse from watching my roommate play p5 for the first time, but then i stumbled on you and your akechi and your first reply was so perfect the akira muse just sat and made a proper home. like you were absolutely 100% of the reason i stuck around - and then talked me into writing kanji and souji when i’d wanted to for years, finally writing ZE muses, then i somehow talked you into playing dr and now here we are!!

your portrayals spark so much joy, you put so much thought and life into your characters and they’re SO fun to play off of!! i love talking verses and ideas and ships with you because we can always come up with something new and exciting! genuinely, all of my muses are made better by writing them with you and pushing them in unexpected directions. not to mention your writing itself?? amazing, show stopping, incredible. i love the length and detail without getting repetitive, how our characters just slot together into a dynamic!! it’s singlehandedly kept me in the rp community WAY longer than i’ve ever stuck around before.

then also you’re just one of my favorite people!! you’re fun to chat with, and i love hearing your opinions and that you listen to my very petty salt. you are, as you say, a very soft marshmallow and i look forward to being friends for a long, long time, rp or not :>

#i hope u expected nothing less from this #it's emo hours #iluuuuu #;ooc #vaciiviity

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rsalibio · 5 years ago

Text

I actually wanted to post this last night

But I was afraid it would spoil heenim's bday

But seeing how it turned out and how i kept mum about it made me think otherwise. I was out last night i put off my phone. Because I know that when I post about it, my notifs would burst. His decision wasn't stable. Not until today. Not until HE managed to sneak in that MEMBERS WOULD BE LEAVING KOREA. Was it coincidence? For me its not. Because he posted it just when MEMBERS were on the airport already. Did anyone noticed the hugs? Did you guys see their expression? How about heenim? He just had his birthday we should have seen him HAPPILY GREETING MEMBERS. But what happened? What have you noticed? Leeteuk wearing black glasses. Them wearing masks (its natural yes) but HYUKJAE TOTALLY COVERED, DONGHAE, RYEOWOOK AND YESUNG. how could you not notice? They are different. The vibes. Everything. This was not coincidence. And I think his decision was not because members wanted him to leave or the company. It was ONLY HIM. so stop trying to say that the members did this or that. YOU DON'T KNOW THE STORY. If you happened to watch 80% of his "off cam" and "on cam" interviews you would know how much he values the members and their words for him. In all about sj he confessed that he wants sj down after what happened to him but he changed. He did everything to go back up for the members in order for him to not drag them down. And he managed. Actually he did great. Imagine 3 seasons of A song for you and other shows. He even had a MOVIE for crying out loud. But it vanished. Everything he worked hard for gone in just one ACCIDENT. ITS NOT DRUGS. SO DONT YOU DARE DRAG HIM DOWN THERE. HE IS NOT PART OF THAT CHAT. HE IS NOT. AGAIN. I feel sorry for kangin. Because he was dragged down by others. Lucky for those who didn't leave the group eventho they were members of the group chat. I'm at lost for words. I just saw him 5 years ago. Twice. I didn't think it would be the last time. He was super fun. He made everybody laugh and his voice. Shit i will miss it. I remembered not long ago Yesung posted your upcoming drama. And damn. He was attacked. Yes ATTACKED because of those people who doesn't want SJ to be near you. BS to those people. I don't want to sound rude. Shit. I'm sorry appa. Im sorry. Im sorry if you felt alone. Im sorry if you feel that somehow we dont love you as much. But please know that WE DID OUR BEST. WE TRULY DID. I remember when you guys had intimate note. You were paired with sungmin. You hated it not because you hate sungmin but bcoz you're not comfortable with him. Appa you cared about the members we know that. And you always put them first. Those bitches who wanted you out knows that. Ah shit my tears doesnt stop.

I first saw you 5 years ago. SS5Manila. You were there always in front of us. You always wear a smile and laugh very hard. You were so cheerful and so handsome. My ghad. I even shouted your name. I don't know why. But I'm glad I did. The second was Best of Best Manila you were cheering amd saying that it was not awhile ago we were here you said and you also said that it was like super show again. You laughed so hard when donghae was doing his acrobat? Lol. Yeah. Im laughing but at the same time crying. I'm not sure what to feel exactly. I know and I'm certain I'm sad. I know I'm hurt because maybe the fact that SUPER JUNIOR isn't the SAME GROUP anymore. Who are we kidding, they are NOT THE SAME ANYMORE. 😭 Appa. I dont think I will get over the fact that the this is it. This is 💔. I'm sorry 😔. I haven't had enough of you yet. It was only 2 appa. 💔. But on the back of my mind I'm relieved? I feel at ease. That FINALLY you can now be free. Free from every disappointment this fandom gave you (im not speaking this in majority level) but this had been your family. I know. This was your dream after being a baseball player. I'm happy for you appa. Truly happy. But please give me this chance. Give this to me. To share what I feel. To say this to everyone who reads my posts and somehow understand what I feel. Im not alone right now. I know many are at lost for words. I know many fans love you. I know it well. Many hoobaes likes you. Many adores you. Even the sunbaes in the industry. You're a LOST NOBODY COULD REPLACE. But DAMN IT. WE JUST LOST ANOTHER TALENT. ANOTHER BEING WHO LOVES US DEEPLY. the name "KANGIN" WILL ALWAYS BE REMEMBERED AS SUPER JUNIOR. You will always be our Kangbear. Our Appa. Our Hyung. Our Oppa. The Mother's Favorite son. The Father's favorite Son in Law. The BROTHER LIKE FIGURE. could this be a bad dream. Can I wake up from this? Appa. Please know that we love you. We will still support you. We will never replace you in our hearts. Your spot will be there. Shit I don't want to end this. I don't want it. Shireo. 😭

Kangin: "I'm going to protect Leeteuk and Super Junior no matter what"

*A promise that he fulfilled today. Leaving Super Junior to PROTECT Leeteuk and Super Junior is really risking his own life. 💙. I stan the right man. 💙🤘. I'm going to see you again as Kangin with very strong heart, mind and soul that no one can ever dissed again!

Saranghaeyo Kim Youngwoon

Uyu biccal Kim Youngwoon

Gidarlike Kim Youngwoon

Kim Youngwoon Jjang

#super junior #kangin

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sineala · 6 years ago

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Hi! I really love your fic, and sorry if this is a bit of an awkward question, feel free to ignore it, but which comics would you recommend as ‘essential’ stony reading? You seem very knowledgeable about them :)

That’s not an awkward question at all! And thank you!

When people who haven’t really read comics ask me what comics they should read to get into Steve/Tony, I usually say that they should read Captain America: Man Out of Time – it’s short, it’s modern, it redoes Steve’s origin story in an interesting and approachable way. and it has some very sweet Steve & Tony moments. If you read it and like it, it’s probably worth seeking out other comics. But the thing is, I wouldn’t say it’s “essential” Steve/Tony reading, because it hasn’t really made an impact on fandom either in its plot events or its characterization of Steve & Tony. Like, if you go to AO3, you’re not going to find a lot of fic specifically about it. (Also it’s a retelling so it’s… not really canon in exactly the same way as the regular comics.)

So when you say you want “essential” comics, I am interpreting it as the comics that are basically the greatest hits of Steve/Tony fandom. Comics everyone is expected to know because they are featured again and again in fanfiction and because they have shaped our understanding of Steve and Tony’s characters. That’s what I would consider essential. I mean, much as I love, say, v3, you can probably get by without reading most of v3 because most of it doesn’t show up in fanfic (although you may eventually want to know who Rumiko and Tiberius are and what the deal is with the Sentient Armor).

I’m going to stick the list under a Read More.

Anyway, here’s a stab at making such a list for 616:

Avengers vol 1 #4: Necessary reading for any Steve/Tony fan. The Avengers find an iceberg, and there’s a body in the iceberg wearing red, white and blue, and… yeah, welcome to the future, Captain America. The first voice he hears is Tony’s!

Tales of Suspense vol 1 #58: Marvel had distribution agreements throughout most of the 1960s that limited the number of different comic titles they could sell; as a result, instead of solo books Marvel had a bunch of anthology titles (Tales to Astonish, Strange Tales, Journey into Mystery…) that became “split books” with solo tales of two different heroes. Tales of Suspense had up to this point featured Iron Man, but with this issue it became an Iron Man/Captain America split book, and in this issue Iron Man and Cap team up to fight the Chameleon, by which I mean that the Chameleon impersonates Captain America and Tony accidentally fights the real Cap. Whoops.

Nomad (Captain America vol 1 #180-183): You should probably start reading at about #176 for context. Anyway, Steve is disillusioned with the government after he discovers that Richard Nixon, who commits suicide in front of him, is the leader of the evil Secret Empire, and so he gives up being Captain America and decides to be Nomad. He’s only Nomad for about four issues, but what a glorious four issues it is.

Demon in a Bottle (Iron Man vol 1 #120-128): The original arc that established Tony’s alcoholism. If you see references in fanfic to an incident with the Carnelian ambassador, that’s this arc.

Avengers vol 1 #216: Steve finds out that Tony is Iron Man, because they’re on an Avengers mission and the villain magically strips Tony out of his armor, leaving him standing there wearing only his underwear.

The second drinking arc (Iron Man vol 1 #160-200): Tony starts drinking again and loses everything, to the point where he’s living on the streets in a cardboard box. Rhodey becomes Iron Man and Obadiah Stane takes over the company. This is the drinking arc you want to read. Highlights include #172, in which Steve bridal-carries Tony from a burning building, and #182, in which Tony nearly dies in a blizzard.

Armor Wars (Iron Man vol 1 #225-231): Tony tries to steal his technology back from everyone who has it; you will want to read #228, the issue where Steve tries to stop him. (Stories referencing an incident with the Guardsmen are talking about this.)

Operation Galactic Storm: This is a massive crossover from the early 90s where the Kree and Sh’iar have a fight and Steve and Tony disagree about whether to kill the Kree Supreme Intelligence. You don’t need to read the entire crossover; the part you do need to read is the issue afterwards, Captain America vol 1 #401, in which Steve and Tony make their apologies to each other.

Tales of Suspense vol 2 #1: This is a one-shot issue from the mid-90s in which Steve and Tony team up; its claim to fame is that it includes Tony thinking the following line about Steve: "Captain America. Steve. I look at your handsome face, into your clear azure eyes, and as ever, I feel the same guilty envy.“ (Steve also thinks similarly complimentary things about Tony – it’s very much mutual admiration society/mutual inferiority complex.)

Captain America/Iron Man 1998 Annual: Tony wipes Steve’s mind! Steve finds out and is mad! Then they fight MODOK, get lei’d, and make up at the end. It’s a lot of fun.

Red Zone (Avengers vol 3 #65-70): Tony exposes himself to a deadly disease because Steve is more important than he is and he has to give Steve mouth-to-mouth to save his life. Includes giant panels of their lips touching.

Civil War: You should really read Civil War and everything after.

Avengers Prime: This is a miniseries taking place after Steve comes back to life where Steve and Tony end up on an adventure in the Nine Realms together, Tony gets naked, and also they get some closure about Civil War. They hug it out at the end.

One Night in Madripoor (Captain America & Iron Man #633-635): Steve and Tony team up to fight Batroc, MODOK, and robot bees in Madripoor. There’s a lot of banter.

Avengers vol 5 & New Avengers vol 3: After Civil War, Hickman’s Avengers run is probably the second most popular canon setting for comics Steve/Tony. It’s controversial in fandom, and there’s no happy ending… but you can’t deny that it is absolutely about Steve & Tony’s relationship. A hundred issues of pain and betrayal!

Civil War II: The Oath: Okay, yeah, so, I think we can all agree that Secret Empire (the recent one, not the original one) was a terrible idea and it was a very bad decision to make Steve a fascist dictator – but “The Oath” did give us Steve canonically declaring his love for Tony, so, you know, it has that going for it.

The Cap-IM Tumblr maintains a list of Slashy Moments if you’d like to see panels from most of these (and more). Also, the 18+ 616 Steve/Tony Discord maintains a list of resources and summaries of these and more issues.

I also specifically want to say a little more about Civil War because I think of all the storylines you could read it is probably the most essential for Steve/Tony fans. CW is where the pairing really got its start and I think it’s the most popular setting for stories that engage with a particular era of canon. So if you are going to read one era, Civil War should probably be it.

I recommend starting with New Avengers vol 1, which as a bonus is very good for Steve & Tony up until about #20, when Civil War hits. The Cap and IM runs of the time are also generally viewed as very good and you should definitely read them – that would be Cap v5, by Brubaker, which has the Winter Soldier arc, and IM v4, which starts with Extremis and then continues on to Execute Program and then reaches Civil War.

You are going to want to read the main Civil War storyline but if you’re a Steve and Tony fan honestly most of the fun is in the tie-ins. My abbreviated Civil War reading list is as follows:

Civil War #1-7: You’re gonna need to read this.

Captain America vol 5 #22-24: Honestly I don’t remember most of this but you might as well.

Iron Man vol 4 #13-14: Tony’s motivations are explored, Steve and Tony attempt to come to an agreement during the war, and also Happy Hogan dies and it’s sad.

Captain America/Iron Man: Casualties of War: One of the two key issues you absolutely must read, in which Steve and Tony meet during the war and try to talk things out, and they also summarize what they’re doing and why and basically their entire friendship up to this point.

Civil War: Front Line #11: Toward the end of the war, reporters interview Steve and Tony. Tony lies on the floor and cries. I think I would summarize the post-CW era as a whole as “Tony cries a lot.”

Captain America vol 5 #25: The one where Steve dies.

Civil War: The Confession: READ THIS. If you read nothing else, read this. This is why we have a Steve/Tony ship. This is the essential issue.

Fallen Son: The Death of Captain America #1-5: Features Steve’s funeral. Well, both of Steve’s funerals. If you guessed that they also involve Tony crying a lot, you would be right.

What If? Fallen Son: Mostly worth it for the cover art.

What If? Civil War: After Steve’s funeral, a mysterious stranger shows Tony two worlds in the multiverse where the war could have gone differently. More tears for Tony!

After that, you probably also need to keep up with New Avengers/Mighty Avengers plus the major events up through Steve’s return to life – that would be Secret Invasion (the Skrulls invade), Dark Reign (Norman Osborn runs everything), and Siege (Osborn decides to invade Asgard; Steve comes back for this one). Steve’s return to life is in a miniseries called Captain America Reborn.

I would also recommend the rest of Iron Man vol 4 that takes place after Civil War – it’s renamed to Iron Man: Director of SHIELD because that’s the job Tony gets after Steve dies. Tony is basically a grieving mess. There’s also a miniseries called Avengers/Invaders in which Tony and the post-CW Avengers meet the WWII Invaders – including Steve – and it is a glorious pile of feelings and time travel and sadness.

So, uh, yeah, that’s a lot of issues but honestly I think if you get up to speed on Civil War and the couple years after you will be able to understand a lot of where fandom is coming from. (And then if you read Hickman’s run that’s basically the other run you are most likely to need to know.)

If you can find a copy of it – it’s out of print, alas – there’s a really great trade called Iron Man/Captain America (not Civil War: Captain America/Iron Man, that’s the one with the CW tie-ins, but you will probably want it too) that reprints several pre-Civil War issues focusing on Steve & Tony, including several of the ones mentioned above, like ToS 58, the 1998 annual, and the issues of Armor Wars and the second drinking arc that have Steve in them. Notably, I think it’s the only place that the ToS v2 one-shot (the “azure eyes” issue) has ever been reprinted.

(I take that back, the ToS one-shot is now in a trade called Avengers: Tales to Astonish. And now that I’m looking, the ToS one-shot is now on Marvel Unlimited and comiXology. Sweet!)

I hope that helps!

#Anonymous #replies #comics reading lists

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