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thrawns-babygirl · 2 years ago

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Get You Home (Crosshair x GN!Reader)

Posting this fic on behalf of a good friend at their request. Crosshair/GN!Reader angst

No smut and no warnings outside of intense feels. Let me know what you think so I can pass it on to them.

Word Count: 2900+

Ironic, isn't it, how someone could be created by another just to destroy themselves?

It was the general theme of the various thoughts that swam fervently through your mind, plagued by a vain concept of low boiling anger that managed to settle into reluctant relief before it surfaced.

You didn't want Crosshair to see anything in you that was more than what he needed for this last leap of the journey, a cautious balance of crafted care and reservation of the truth, presented through a gentleness that was far too desperate and pleading as it lingered. Yet he didn't seem to give any indication he took notice of the way you spoke your words as if sending them to him on paper wings, how your touch stayed on his arm so to give him the warmth that you hoped he hadn't already forgotten; and if he did, he certainly didn't speak it. He didn't speak at all once the silence took over, actually.

There was a small exchange of words when you first appeared, clarifying your intentions to free the captive clone and speaking then only when needed to give orders for the escape- though as soon as you pushed the throttle that pulled the ship free of the barrage of lasers and pursuing forces an eerie silence quickly settled, taking place in the air where your shared frantic breaths had left open. Everything seemed to come to a complete halt when the rush of stars that stretched across your vision in such vivid streaks returned to simple dots scattered around the walls of the universe.

"We have to wait here a bit for the others, once they've made it out they'll send us coordinates," You had spoken in a sort of voice you would use on a wounded animal, delicate and fragile and willing to falter if it spared the smallest of harsh tones.

He didn't speak.

Not with words in the least, though there was a story desperate to spill into a sea of tears as his eyes scanned the environment around him. It wasn't one you imagined he knew, but it was evident he saw the symptoms of his brothers in every little out of order detail that scarred this ship, and you could see the moments that took him as he stood and put the refined senses of a sharpshooter to practice.

You saw the way he paused as he noticed a scuff of paint on the piece of durasteel that hung just low enough for someone of Wrecker's height to hit in a rush, leaving behind a streak of white from the drawn face plastered in pale paint on his helmet. You were pretty sure the mark was still there on the armor, would Crosshair look to see if the evidence aligned when he saw the brute again?

Then the clone turned and saw the control panel that was still open with half a scomp sticking out, not that there was any physical memento needed to remember how Echo got stuck when the ship's power faltered and something or another went wrong in just the right way that you had to cut him out. Never really got around to removing the blatant jam in what would be an otherwise useful port, much to your droid's adamant displeasure.

Stepping back now and moving his sights as the man noticed a thin black wire that stuck out from the panel snake up and around until it brought him to the other side of the ship where a signature Tech project had been sitting untouched for a few days. It was a small device that required your input as well as his understanding of the skills needed. At this point you weren't sure if it was work being done for the payoff or simply the time to spend with one another.

Then, finally, Crosshair turned and saw a sight he hadn't seen since they had still called their barracks "home": a board with clear holes and a sloppily drawn target that Hunter often used to hone his accuracy with throwing knives, or even just pass the time when days grew too slow. But this was different. On one side was his clear mastery with a concise series of streaks, and the other one with far more scattered results- even some marks on the walls of the ship- with very few holes decidedly on the target.

"Hunter's been trying to teach me, I'm not that good at it, he said you were the only one who would ever entertain a challenge with him until I came along," An attempt to ease into a conversation, seeing something flash behind Crosshair's eyes as he remained fixated on the board.

The Crosshair described to you was so, so far from the one that stood here now. This wasn't a fire that burned when touched, it was a frost that lost the will to bite. Not the man who would speak slyly with a slick insult as he crossed his arms and looked smug. Not the sniper who never missed a target else he would live down his reputation and have it reflected on the foundation of his purpose. Not the soldier who fought for a cause that he believed in for it was the inspiration for his creation so how could he not?

The way his brothers spoke of him was marred by the rift torn between them, but no matter how muddy the waters became there was still such a clear affection they had for the man that couldn't be drowned by their anger, for it was this reaction alone that lead you to understand that it wasn't just anger it was also hurt and it was quelled questions and it was a desperate plea to the universe for an answer that didn't sting so sharply as the image that it was Crosshair's choice and his alone.

It had been such a subject of debate, recurring and spiraling into a series of speculation until Hunter finally announced the end of it and set everyone to a task to keep the peace. You never understood it much, why they felt the need to ask one another when it was apparent none of them had the grounds to claim to know for sure, unsure if anyone other than the Kaminoans would have such knowledge to begin with. Was it because they wanted to understand the truth that they asked in this way, or because they were too scared of what it could be?

"What did they say about me?" Crosshair had managed a few words, and despite the way they were shaky and weak and falling before they could fly it still took you by surprise.

"Well… a lot of things," Trying to recount something that wouldn't come off as harsh as it had been spoken when one of the boys had let it out with a burning ire. You didn't doubt Crosshair would understand their hatred stemmed from their feelings of betrayal, but there was still no need for that to be spoken now. It wasn't what anyone needed. There would be time to talk, and that could be saved for when the wounds were treated and healed into scars that could withstand what hadn't been said without tearing the stitches.

And it was then you realized that it wasn't inherently what they had said about him that should be shared, but what they hadn't.

When Omega said something in her silly, naive little way that had a mutual feeling flash through the soldiers you could see the way their hearts still bled for their brother. How when they explained it to her it was as if they were rationalizing it for themselves as well. Taking the much softer perspective they created to give the child and finding comfort in it as well.

That time you were on a roof scoping a location and Wrecker accidentally shouted up to you and called the name "Crosshair" out of habit, and how he tried to claim it was the shadow of a snipers pose that just had him caught in the moment and how it didn't matter at all and how you couldn't help but see such a strange emotion weep from his words as he defended his actions to nobody but himself.

Or the way Hunter's eyes found themselves stuck on a small jar of toothpicks when you went into a cantina to ask some questions to the tender, the confliction you could see as soon as he registered the objects and the way his focus kept flickering to what should have been just another something in the background.

The fact that any time one of them was given a task that used to be Crosshair's assigned job in the squad there was a complaint. Sometimes followed by usually Hunter barking about how that clearly couldn't be done by the original performer, sometimes it just fell silent as the memories played in their minds too. And even when it was your given task one of them would be sure to inform you that yes, it was Crosshair who usually climbed to the top of a perch and scouted ahead with the binocs, as if you had ever asked or had any doubts.

It was the way they snapped at you when you tried to move his weapons kit, the fact that you noticed them all visibly tense and grow shy when you first asked for the story of what happened, how when you asked about scope specifications it was as if everyone glanced around the room for him just to realize he wasn't there. That just like he noticed the signs of them in this ship you saw the signs of him in them.

But how did you share something like that?

When you turned to face the clone he was still standing with his eyes locked onto the targets littered with tears and holes. He was still but he was shaking but he didn't move but he was falling through the fabric of reality itself.

"They miss you. I guess that'd be a good summary of everything," Your voice took a risk, words extending hands and hoping that he'd reach out to take them.

Crosshair turned to you after his eyes fell and closed for a moment, a shaken breath having to fight itself to be regained before he looked and for what must be the first time it felt as if you were truly looking at one another face to face.

You could see through his gaze that he mirrored the sentiment, unable to speak it only from the words twisting and tripping and toiling with one another until they simply became stuck in his throat as nothing more than a weight he used to keep his guilt down. What used to be vivid and vivacious in his eyes had since been bled of their valiance and left nothing more than a ghost that haunted bittersweet memories. And the look that usually presented itself with a furrowed brow and a frown was too reduced to what remained when everything was stripped and bones were left bare.

Perhaps it was this unrelenting vulnerability that allowed the clone to venture into a territory he had always feared. He had already dug himself down to bedrock, what was the harm in seeing if there was anywhere else to go? It wasn't as if he could go any further south from here with the only tools at his disposal being his own worn hands.

"Even after it all?" A sincere request that was hesitant as it came to light, words drawled but not with intentional emphasis for dramatic effect more than a fear strong enough to slow them down but not strong enough to stop them.

And you couldn't help but smile and huff at that.

"You think that the brothers you were created with, raised with, trained with, and fought with would leave you behind like that?" You crossed your arms, still floating on a cloud of caution and care as you allowed your demeanor to shift just the slightest amount, "You think they didn't talk about how they would save you if they could? That they didn't tell Omega stories about all of you, as a team, and end it with a wish it could happen again one day? Do you really think they would have just… let you go if they had the option to bring you back with them?"

Your own voice wavered as you finished, finding a surprising amount of emotions starting to bubble up from beneath you, rising through your chest until they were at your eyes and you had to blink to keep them at bay. A task that became increasingly harder as you saw the way your words struck the other. Recoiling slightly as if you took a gun and pulled the trigger slow enough that it slowed time as well as the bullet struck him.

He looked at you in such a pleading way, asking a question neither of you knew but you knew it was there and that it needed to be answered, but how do you answer something that can't be asked with words that need to be spoken? And what little humor had taken hold of you drained from below your feet as you saw the first tear fall.

It was almost instinct that brought you closer, pulling the soldier into an embrace and holding him together before he fell apart in the absence of a strength he finally lost his grasp on. Slipping from the control he had placed himself under when he convinced himself of his loyalty and threw away what he was pretending wasn't what he had wanted, what he needed.

When he fell weak you brought him to the ground gently, pulling him to lean his weight onto you, sheltering him as you felt his breath on your neck and his hands trembling as they latched onto what was left for them to, finding solace in gripping your arms and using that hold to keep the distance from tearing you apart as if he was afraid of what would happen if he let go.

You hadn't thought much of it until this moment. Not his side of it, at least.

Countless nights of yours since joining up had been spent pondering this particular clone, but it had always been through the eyes of his brothers. From a thick lens of red that hazed everything through it to a velvet that could scream as it drowned, altering any other color to the same fate and sparing few alternatives. In this way it was more strategic in understanding, emotions running behind in close second but never pushing past to take the lead.

But what of him? What of the one who was left behind? The one that you heard of but never knew, only knowing him now that he was cracking and falling apart into pieces in your arms; not when he was a sheep in wolves clothing, or even the original side of him that had simply been the clone soldier with a bit of an edge. And what did all these mirrored versions of him reduce down to behind the smoke from the flames he used to burn them?

Through every strained breath from the man you could feel a quake in your own heart, the loneliness that he wore as a badge of pride and honor seeping through his touch and into yours and showing their true colors. Nothing more than a masquerade, a delusion he dressed up and decided was his fate because it was easier to say it was fate that chose your twisted path instead of your own two feet.

And again it became ironic, or maybe poetic if the word catches a peculiar fancy, how it was the disobedience he was known for prior that finally set him free now. Did he still believe that things were a certain way because he was created to fit into a place? Or has he remembered that even when he was supposed to submit himself to the aforementioned he never did, that he always broke the mold he wouldn't be cast into and finished the mission without following the orders.

And how, you can't help but think, will he unfold now that he has been free of all the shackles that have had him bound to what he believed to be loyalty?

What kind of man would he turn into when he patched up his relationship with his brothers, when he met Omega on equal ground and spoke her name, when he got the chance to exist as something more than a shadow of a soldier still fighting a war that had already ended?

Time would only tell as it was the teller of all tales, and as if summoned by thought the comm device strapped to your side beeped twice before a muffled voice gave the confirmation that you were to expect coordinates in the upcoming moments for your rendezvous.

"Hey," You whispered, holding the man just a bit tighter as you felt his breath hitch and hold itself, stilling for just long enough for you to say what he needed to be told, "Let's just get you home, yeah?"

@where-is-my-mind-tho @starborncyare @antishadow2021 @healingskywalker @crosshairlovebot

#crosshair x reader #crosshair #tbb crosshair #tbb x reader #bad batch crosshair #the bad batch crosshair #bad batch x reader #the bad batch x reader #crosshair x gn!reader #the bad batch

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blushing-titan · 4 years ago

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Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about chapter 138 again, and I came to a few conclusions. First and foremost, I’m surprised at the amount of Mikasa’s fans who are happy about the possibility of the cabin vision being an actual AU. Mikasa has been one of my favorite characters pretty much since the beginning, but I feel like - if the AU is real - it’s a huge step back for her progress and general well-being. Let me explain my point below - warning, it’s pretty long! I’ll be using manga panels (I obviously don’t own them, all credits go to the author!), and there will be spoilers.

My perspective on Eremika

I’m a firm believer that Eren and Mikasa’s relationship is a bit too unhealthy for Mikasa, at least in it’s current state - to me, it’s clear as a day that it’s way too unbalanced. Mikasa just invests more in it - it’s been shown countless times, both in the manga and anime, that Eren’s safety and well-being is her top priority. He’s on her mind most of the times and she constantly wants to be near him - she thinks of him as her safe place and home.

But what about Eren? He’s often irritated and suffocated by her overprotectiveness. He’s quite a proud person who doesn’t want to be constantly saved - despite generally needing it sometimes. In my eyes, it’s another imbalance - Eren wants to be the strong one, but since Mikasa is just naturally better at that, he constantly feels belittled, like it’s a form of rivalry.

On top of that, throught the entire series Eren has his own set of dreams and goals that doesn’t necessarily always revolve around Mikasa - all while Mikasa makes up her plans and goals solely around Eren. She even admits that all she wants is just to be at his side.

What concerns me too, however, is that Mikasa often puts Eren’s safety and well-being over her own - and it’s something that she realizes.

Sometimes, Mikasa’s friends act as a voice of reason, but when someone tries to raise any objections or concerns against Eren, she usually backs him up or tries to rationalize his actions. In the example below, Jean is concerned about the scar that Mikasa got after she got attacked by Eren (right after Eren lost control over his titan in chapter 12).

On top of that, Mikasa can be very passive, and even uncritical when it comes to Eren’s more questionable actions. There are times in which the latter can get a bit too blunt, or even straight up mean, but Mikasa either protects him, tries to justify his actions or is literally immobilized by them - like in the scene in which Eren insults her and proceeds to fight Armin, who’s been trying to back her up. Notice how Mikasa is unable to stop Eren from continuously attacking Armin (when, a reminder, the latter one stood up for her), but immediately jumps in to stop Armin from attacking Eren. You can clearly see that even she is shocked by her reaction.

We can also see her being in denial about Eren’s hurtful actions later on. She doesn’t even want to talk about it when Jean brings it up:

She’s also still concerned and worried about Eren a few chapters later, after he had done and stated that he’s about to do terrible things - even at times when her other friends were endangered. This time, it’s Armin who tries to act as a voice of reason.

Now, before we get ahead of ourselves:

Do I think that Eren doesn’t care about Mikasa, or even hate her (as he said)? No - she’s obviously extremely important to him and he was definitely lying during the table scene. Personally, I’ve never seen him having any romantic feelings towards her, but that doesn’t mean anything - love doesn’t always have to be romantic and I 100% believe that she’s still someone who he holds very dear to his heart. There are many moments that show that he’s also very protective of her, and that - along with Armin - she’s one of the most important people in his life.

But my point still stands - aside from that, the relationship is just too unbalanced to be considered healthy, especially for Mikasa. Both Eren and Mikasa see it in different light, which often cause them to collide. I just can’t help but feel like Mikasa sacrifices too much for it, too - she often ends up jeopardizing her safety, constantly worries about Eren and clashes with her friends because of it. To some extent, Eren may be doing some of these things as well - but let’s be 100% honest, never nearly as much as Mikasa does. He fiercly protects her when she’s in danger and backs her up when he agrees with her, but at the end of the day he has his own goals and opinions. He doesn’t fixate himself with Mikasa nearly as much as Mikasa does it with him - he’s never jealous of anything but her skills, meanwhile she's often on alert when he’s around other girls. In the manga, she’s displaying jealousy over Annie and Historia, in the anime we can add Hanji to that pool, while in A.O.T. Wings of Freedom she’s also jealous of Sasha and even freckled Ymir - all while Eren remains oblivious and - in these situations, rightfully so - annoyed.

We know that there are reasons why Mikasa treats Eren like this. He obviously saved her life when they were children, but it’s also because she was strongly traumatized by losing both her biological family, and then people who took care of her right after that. It’s only natural that she does anything in her power to not go through that again...

...but it’s important to question if the way her relationship with Eren goes - how she commits to it 100% and how it affects her - is really the best way for her to heal and eventually live a happy life. I believe that Eren himself saw that it was becoming too toxic for Mikasa - and, considering that he actually cares for her and knows that he doesn’t have all the time in the world, he focused on making her move on. In my opinion, that’s why he wanted to push her away during the table scene. It’s also why he tried to get rid of the scarf that Louise brought to him. Even if the execution is far from perfect, he still wants what’s best for her, so he tries to put an end to enabling her unhealthy coping practices. He wants her to live a long, happy life.

Soooo...how does “the cabin AU” fit into all of this?

The answer is simple - it doesn’t. It’s a huge mixture and repetition of everything that’s harmful about Mikasa’s obsession with Eren. It’s a confirmation that Mikasa would be able to leave the entire world for 4 years of constant lying to herself. To betray her friends, leave everything behind, act as if everything was going to be okay and, in turn, make it all worse for herself. Because let me remind you one thing - Mikasa will go on living after Eren looses to the titan curse...but what will she do from now on? Will she stay in the cabin forever, alone and with no one to talk to - no one to share the pain after saying her final goodbye to Eren? Will she come back to the war-ridden world and face her old friends - like Armin who must have been frantically looking for her and Eren? Some of these friends may not want to have anything to do with her after all that - some may be already dead. Maybe there’s no place to go at all.

In my opinion, Eren being okay with this would ultimately prove that he doesn’t care about Mikasa’s wellbeing - and, as I’ve said before I just don’t think that’s the case at all. On top of that, as stated in the beginning, it would serve as a regress of Mikasa’s character - she wouldn’t be able to overcome her weaknesses, which would only make her life harder in the long run. Therefore, I simply can’t accept this vision to be an AU. What do I think it was, then?

Mikasa believes in Eren’s good heart, despite all awful things he commits - she repeatedly says that he does it all for them - his friends...and yet she wants to believe that there must have been a way to not let it all happen. A part of her may be blaming herself, which is why she questions if she could have changed anything by giving him a different answer.

To me, it’s very obvious and I have to admit: I was horrified to see the amount of fans saying “If only she hadn’t family-zoned him, so many people would still be alive!”. Mikasa was NEVER to blame here and her answer should never have a force to change something like that. At the end of the day, it was Eren’s decision to go on with the rumbling, and I hate to see Mikasa (and the fans, too!) putting any blame for it on her.

In conclusion, I really believe that the vision was Mikasa’s daydream - most likely created as a coping mechanism since at this point she knew what was about to happen - what she had to do. Not any AU flashback, but rather a poor, traumathised girl trying to come to terms with the cruel reality - and ultimately reclaiming her strength. In her mind, she comes back to her safe place for a few moments, just to get a bit of comfort - a place where she and Eren live peacefully and safely. In fact, the panel below may suggest that she was dreaming about something similar ever since the training days:

I also believe that, at some point, Eren enters that dream - perhaps somehow through paths, or is sent there by Ymir. There, he once again reminds Mikasa that he wants her to live long, be free and forget about him.

I think in the end, Mikasa rejects that fake utopia, finally understanding that it could never happen and it was not her fault. She accepts the reality as it is and stops rationalizing Eren’s actions. She also comes to terms with her feelings towards him, but won’t let it cloud her judgement anymore. She will remember him and cherish these memories forever, but acknowledges that it has gone too far - she chooses humanity, the world and finally: a long, happy life for her. Just like Eren would want for her.

This time, Mikasa wraps the scarf around herself.

If you’re here, wow - thank you so much for reading, it means a lot! I’m sorry for any mistakes I’ve made while writing - English is not my first language and I didn’t really have anyone to beta-read this long wall of text xd Hope I made my points clear - and just to clarify, my text is not an invitation for any ugly Mikasa haters. As I’ve said before, she’s one of my favorite characters and I hope for the best for her - she’s been through so much, poor girl needs a break :C

#anti eremika #mikasa ackerman #eren jeager #snk 138 #snk spoilers #snk 139 #eremika rant #Mikasa shouldn't exist just for toxic shipping ok #snk theory #snk ending #snk leaks #mikasa

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cosmicjoke · 4 years ago

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One thing I want to discuss right now, even though I haven’t yet reached this point in the manga of SnK, is Levi’s choice to let Erwin die on the rooftop in Shinganshina. I’ll go more into it in detail once I’ve read the chapter where this happens, but I have watched the anime, and read some panels from the chapter already, so I’m just going to go into a little bit of my thoughts here.

One thing I haven’t seen discussed much is how much Kenny’s words to Levi right before he died impacted Levi’s decision here, even though there’s direct, visual correlation between the two, with Levi thinking back over Kenny’s words as he makes his ultimate choice.

Levi is sitting over Erwin, syringe in hand, ready to give the serum to him, when Erwin’s arm flies up and accidentally knocks Levi’s hands away, before he starts muttering incoherently about his father.

Kenny’s words to Levi before he dies, about how everyone is a slave to something, that everyone has something that drives them, has a big influence on Levi’s choice here to let Erwin die, and that’s acknowledged, but I don’t think it’s always delved into just WHY Kenny’s words make such a big impact on him. Kenny, in the end, let his final action be one of selflessness, by giving Levi the serum and letting himself die without realizing his dream. This ran contradictory to everything Levi had ever known about Kenny, which was that he was a totally self-serving man who would do anything to keep himself alive. In that moment, with Kenny’s final act, he shows himself to be more human that Levi had ever seen him before. No longer the probably larger than life figure Levi had always seen him as, as a man who saved him when he was a child from starvation, taught him how to fight, and then selfishly abandoned him to survive on his own.

Now, how this connects with Erwin, and Levi’s decision, is that similarly to how Levi finally saw the frailty in Kenny, saw the human weakness and fault in Kenny, Levi saw it also in Erwin, up on that rooftop, probably for the first time.

I think in terms of Levi’s view of Erwin, he saw Erwin as a person who, as Isyama said, was “an existence bigger than his own”, as someone who could see something he couldn’t, could understand something more profound about the world than he could. Had a greater vision and scope than Levi, or anyone else. In a lot of ways, I think Levi almost hero worshipped Erwin, saw him as an ideal human being, of altruistic, selfless character, willing to do anything and everything to ensure the survival of humanity. But, of course, when we hero worship a person, we tend to become blind to their faults. I think that’s why, when Erwin accidentally revealed the true motive behind his actions to Levi, Levi looked so shocked, and was later so upset. He realized Erwin wasn’t the perfect man he thought he was, that he suffered from human frailty just like everyone else, and that he was just as subject to selfish whims as the rest of them. Before, Levi looked at Erwin as the ONLY person capable of leading the SC and gaining humanity their ultimate victory over the Titans. To him, Erwin was the only person who could achieve this, the only person with the scope of vision able to achieve such a seemingly impossible task. And even after Erwin reveals the true motivation behind his actions, even after Levi’s perception of Erwin as this altruistic, superior person begins to crumble, Levi STILL believes Erwin is the only person capable of leading them to victory, of saving humanity with his mind, etc... Levi still sees Erwin as completely necessary to humanity’s success.

But... I think, up on that rooftop, in that moment when Erwin knocks the syringe away and begins muttering incoherently about his father, it’s in that moment that Levi’s last remaining idealized perception of Erwin slips away, and he’s left only to acknowledge that Erwin is, after all, just a regular man. He sees, exposed fully for the first time, Erwin’s frailty and weakness as a human being, his faults and shortcomings. How, in many ways, Erwin is still like a child, longing to right the wrongs of his father’s death, to give his father redemption by proving him right, driven by a childish need to enact revenge on those who tortured and killed his father by exposing their lies. This is what Erwin was a slave to, just like Kenny spoke about, and it’s in that moment that Levi really realizes it for the first time. That Erwin isn’t above that kind of very base, human compulsion. Essentially, that Erwin isn’t perfect. He isn’t all-knowing. That he doesn’t have a scope of vision beyond everyone else. That he isn’t a god, or a devil. He’s just a man. One who’s been suffering a long time with the burden of his position and the guilt of what’s really driving him.

I think, in that moment then, as the veneer of Erwin’s perfection is stripped away, Levi is forced to face the reality that what he’d believed all this time about Erwin’s “higher existence”, and how that lead him to believe in Erwin being essential to the success of humanity isn’t, actually, true. I think when Levi realizes that, when he realizes that Erwin was a major piece in them getting where they have so far, and in the success they’ve had, but that he wasn’t ever this unshakable guiding light or perfect, unerring leader that Levi had believed him to be, it also allows Levi to realize that he can let Erwin go, that he can end Erwin’s suffering, and that the Survey Corps, and by extension, humanity, will still be able to go on. Will still be able to fight, and succeed, even without Erwin there. He realizes that he can show Erwin mercy, and finally let him rest, without destroying humanity’s chances of survival. That someone else can step in and lead them there. Even if Erwin can’t be replaced, they can still function and succeed without him. It gives Levi the ability to let Erwin go, to give him peace. He wasn’t going to let Erwin die before because he still believed they absolutely NEEDED him, because, despite Erwin’s motives being selfish in nature, his ability to see a more far ranging vision than anyone else was still intact. He still, Levi believed, had a superior mind and ability. But then in Erwin’s most vulnerable, exposed moment here, muttering about his father, Levi saw in Erwin what Kenny had been speaking about, that human obsession and need, that human frailty and fault. Erwin was no longer the perfect, unerring leader Levi had built him up to be in his mind, was no longer the unshakable presence or force they needed to save humanity. He was just a man, suffering, in pain and burdened by an awful guilt, and Levi understood in that moment that he could let Erwin go, let Erwin finally have peace, and still the rest of them would be able to continue on. Hope wouldn’t be lost without Erwin, because Erwin was just one person, one piece in their success, and they could and would find a way without him.

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #Levi Ackerman #Erwin Smith #meta #thoughts

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mosswillow · 4 years ago

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Iced Coffee - Dark!Stephen Strange x Reader.

Summary:

You met Stephen Strange your last year of medical school. He was godlike and you were infatuated. You liked him and in return he humiliated you. Years later you were over it; made a career for yourself.

He saw you again, remembered you, wanted you. He was going to show you that he had changed, win you over. You would be his and he would protect you forever, he just had to prove himself.

Series Warnings:

18+ adult content, Dark, Rape/noncon, obsessive behavior, stalking, doctor/medical themes, mild/moderate doctor kink, needles (chapter one, not sex related), violence, abuse, kidnapping, forced marriage, smut, escape attempt, dirty talk (my best attempt at least).

Potential warnings, a non-exhaustive list: Oral, praise kink, mild degradation (Will not include whore or slut)

You can join the tag list here.

A/N: Now that I’ve been writing for a few months I’m experimenting with different styles. If you’ve read my other stuff lmk what you think (ask, comment, message, whatever.)

Thank you to the unnamed requester and @couldntbedamned for this request. 🖤

By Clicking keep reading you confirm that you are over 18 and understand that this content is mature and potentially triggering.

CHAPTER 1

Stephen was the most brilliant man you had ever met. School was a joke to him, he easily outperformed everyone no matter the subject. He was confident, lived his life with this air of superiority, and you were obsessed. You couldn’t keep your eyes off of him, sat next to him in class, helped him when he asked. He was nice to you too, he was an asshole almost all the time but when he talked to you it was gentle, respectful.

It was October third when it happened, the date would forever be burned in your memory. He turned to you and asked you the date.

“It’s october third,” you smiled.

He thanked you and touched his hand to your arm and you felt a spark, you were sure he felt it too.

But he didn’t feel it, you were so very wrong.

You found out just how wrong you were that evening in the worst possible way. It was so unexpected, so hurtful. You walked into the small coffee shop you and your friends frequented and saw them all in the corner, socializing. A stab of pain struck you in the chest; nobody invited you. Maybe you should have backed away, recognized you weren’t wanted but you heard your name. You thought they had seen you, called you over.

They hadn’t seen you though, weren’t talking to you.

They were talking about you.

“Poor thing, thinks she has a chance with me,” you heard Stephen laugh.

You walked behind him, tears welling in your eyes and someone nudged him awkwardly. He looked up and made eye contact with you. A tear fell down your face as you backed away from the group. It was like a nightmare, like looking down and seeing you were naked, but this wasn’t a dream. It was horrifyingly real.

“Pathetic,” you heard him say to the laughing group of people you called friends.

It broke you.

You spent the remainder of your time in school avoiding him and every friend who had been there. You poured yourself into your studies and came out of it stronger than before, like a phoenix being reborn - You were brand new, beautiful, powerful.

You became a doctor and scientist and a damned good one at that. But Stephen was always better. Every conference, every medical magazine, he was there; always at the top. You could never escape him.

Until his accident.

He was suddenly gone, you couldn't believe it. Dr. Stephen Strange, the most accomplished neurosurgeon, lost his hands. The shock wiped through the medical community, a travesty they said. It wasn’t a travesty to you though, It was almost uncomfortable how happy you were at his downfall. It felt so freeing to see the great and mighty Doctor Strange fall so far, for your bully to lose the thing that was most precious to them. He became irrelevant, dropped from magazines and conferences and disappeared without a trace. You were truly content for the first time in your life. You were free.

Stephen flexed his fingers and smiled. It was a long road to recovery but he did it, he was a neurosurgeon again and even better now. He was godlike, able to perform surgeries that he could only dream of before. He wasn’t just going to get his life back, he would flourish, go above and beyond his already impressive list of accomplishments, he would dominate.

He walked into the conference full of confidence, an arrogant smile plastered on his face. The gasps and stares made him stand even straighter, walk with even more purpose. He always loved being the center of attention, it made him feel superior.

It was his addiction, to be special, better than everyone around him. The craving for greatness was a consequence of his birthright. He needed to be better because he was better. His brain was like a radiant flame, he shined brighter than everyone around him and he knew it.

“Stephen, good to see you,” a group of colleagues surrounded him, patting him on the back. He felt at home, this was where he belonged.

The auditorium started filling and he followed the group in, sitting in the back and opening his pamphlet. It wasn’t usually his type of lecture to listen to but he had time to kill before his next panel. The speaker, a specialist in infectious disease, worked at New York Hospital where he would start back on Monday. He closed his pamphlet and waited patiently for the presentation to start.

She walked onto the stage and his body tensed as he watched her prepare for her speech. Stephen’s brain was on fire, the attraction to this stranger like nothing he had ever felt. His thoughts turned less than appropriate as he stared at her ass. He saw no panty lines and couldn’t help but imagine what did or did not lie beneath the skirt's thin fabric. She wasn’t a conventionally attractive woman but that made her even more beautiful in his mind. She was perfect for him, a mix of everything he was physically attracted to in one person. Women had thrown themselves at him but he didn’t want any of them, he wanted her.

Then she started speaking and a new wave of attraction washed through him as her intelligence became apparent. Who was this woman? He rarely felt attraction like this, attraction that consumed onto his whole being. He needed to get to know her, needed to touch her, smell her hair, hold her hand. He was obsessed.

He didn’t even realize her presentation had ended until everyone started applauding. Stephen stood and clapped along. He watched her exit the stage and as he walked closer her face suddenly flashed into his memory. He knew her years ago in med school. She liked him, she followed him around like a puppy.

Excitement built as he approached her, but she gave him one look and her face fell into a grimace.

“Stephen Strange,” He held his hand out.

Her reply was cold, “We went to school together,” she spit, ignoring his outstretched hand.

“Yes, we did, didn’t we. I’m very interested in what you’re working on. Maybe we could get together, have dinner?”

“No,” she turned and walked away from him.

“Hey,” He yelled at her, but she kept walking, giving no acknowledgement of his obvious frustration.

It didn’t take him long to catch up, he reached out and grabbed her shoulder pulling her around to face him.

“What is this hostility about?” He asked.

Her body went rigid and she wrenched her shoulder out of his hand, “Poor thing, thinks she has a chance with me,” She said through gritted teeth.

He remembered in that moment what had happened, how he used her for short lived friendships.

“I’m not that person anymore, I’m sorry, let me show you,” be begged.

“You called me pathetic,” She snarled.

“It was so long ago, please.”

She stood up tall and leaned into him. “Pathetic,” she called him before walking away again.

He stood there dazed, never having been discarded so callously. He couldn't leave it like this, he would show her he had changed and she would forgive him. He was determined. He was the great Doctor Strange and he could do anything.

A sob took over your body as you read the little piece of paper. It was over, no more money for research. The conference was your last hope to find funding and you didn’t succeed. You looked at a little blue vial and picked it up. It was a bad idea, you knew it was, but this medicine could help so many people. If you didn’t try it right then you may have never known if it worked or not. You removed your jacket, swabbed your arm and filled a syringe. A tear fell down your cheek as you depressed the plunger.

It immediately started burning, beginning in your arm and flowing throughout your veins until you were screaming in pain. The room spun around and your vision started to blur. You stood and took a few shaky steps before falling to the ground and curling into a ball. Quiet whimpers escaped your lips as you struggled not to pass out from the pain.

A knock rang through your ears and you lifted your head slightly.

“Hey, it’s me,” called a voice from the other side of the door.

Stephen, of course he would show up at the worst moment possible. You were in so much pain and part of you wanted to ask for help but you couldn’t. If anyone found out you could lose your licence and Stephen was someone you were sure would turn you in.

“It’s not a good time,” you yelled.

“I just wanted to apologize for my behavior, I was an asshole but I’ve changed. I really have.”

“Go Away Stephen.”

The doorknob jiggled and you held your breath. You had locked it, you were sure you had.

“Hey, I’m getting worried, open the door,” he demanded.

“I’m sad, ok, lost funding for my research. I don’t want you to see me cry. Happy? If you’ve actually changed you’ll leave!” you put your hand over your mouth to cover a groan, the exhaustion of talking having caused intense pain in your lungs.

“Oh, um, sorry to bother you,” he murmured.

You sighed in relief as the sound of his footsteps disappeared and then hugged your aching body, shivering and crying softly as excruciating pain moved around. It suddenly felt like you had been thrown in a freezer. It Was so cold, why were you so cold?

You shivered and cried on the floor for hours until sleep finally took you, giving a slight respite from the worst day of your life.

Series master list ~ Next Chapter

#dark!stephen strange #stephen strange x you #Stephen strange x reader #dark!stephen strange x reader #dark fic #dark marvel #dark!mcu

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raamitsu · 3 years ago

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⚠️ tokyo revengers chapter 219 spoilers ⚠️

(first of all, i’ll just pinpoint a few things from this chapter. of course there are many stuffs going around, and since i am not good at making a complete theory like any others, i’ll only simply write a thought which keeps adding the amount of questions, leading to a huge curiosity to myself.)

i’ll start with this panels;

from chapter 218, senju has declared a war between the three deities and at the end of it she asked michi for a “date”. so ch219 is the result of their date.

since senju was more comfortable being around michi because of their age, there’s no doubt to why it was easy for her to suddenly spilled some stuffs that related to the upcoming war. as we have known, it will begin on july 14th but the current date in chapter 218 and 219 is july 7th, which tanabata festival fell on that date. they got at least a week left until the war begins, however, anything can happen before that.

senju went for a “date” with michi at a crowded and noisy place such as amusement park was a good idea for distraction to spill some info.

ah yes, my favourite panels so far :

senju revealed the change she saw in her big brother, takeomi. not trying to jump into conclusions but i felt so relieved that we got half proofs of the suspicion that some of us have toward takeomi. not just that, she claimed that he had no longer intending to make brahman the strongest anymore. instead, he wanted to expand the gang. furthermore, she has expressed in the previous chapter that she preferred not getting brahman involved heavily into illegal business but didn’t have any choice and went along with it, thus it’s understandable if she worried about the outcome of her brother’s motive.

question is: what could be the reason to the sudden change in a guy, from being the vice president of first generation of black dragon that successfully led the number one delinquent gang in japan into this kind of path? is there anything happen in the past that affected his action? and the fact that these mysterious akashi siblings still don’t have a backstory will only make people feel even more suspicious towards them.

and the last parts :

fun fact: some people including me has speculated that michi would be re-experiencing the past events starting from moebius arc until tenjiku arc.

the vision of senju dying that michi foresaw in chapter 216 was shown again when this time he shook hands with her, but then michi claimed that the vision was somehow clearer than the previous one. that could only imply to one meaning: senju will probably meet her fate at the amusement park where it is suddenly raining.

if you noticed, the title of ch 219 is called “a sense of foreboding”. that means rain is used as a symbolism to tell that something unfortunate will happen. now that wakui is starting to use symbolism to foreshadow the possible events, we could have only hope that michi will be able to save senju from dying, though i’m not so sure.

many speculated that takeomi was the reason behind rokuhara tandai’s act. there are also speculations about omi who shinichiro used to call him, “the rain bringer” , so that means he could probably be somewhere around where senju and takemichi is located. too many speculations without an absolute answer because some of them don’t make sense, and i don’t think senju would’ve lose too soon.

this is just my assumption but if someone wants to attack senju they would’ve attack her within a few metres away without any needs to fight her in person. if you know, you know.

#tokyo revengers #tr 219 #tokyo revengers chapter 219 spoilers #tokrev #tokyorev #tokyo manji

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missing-marvel · 4 years ago

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The Shape of You (Pt. 4)

Pairing: Vision/Reader

Part 3, Part 5

Words: 5698

A/N: *shows up several months late with coffee and a new chapter* What’s up y’all, who’s ready for more metal husband?

You awoke feeling sluggish and hazy, practically choking on dust and resisting the need to sneeze. The feeling quickly shifted to panic as you opened your eyes to even more darkness which only worsened when you tried to move, something blocking the space in front of you as well as tangling around your legs. It wasn’t until you rolled to the floor with a loud ‘thud’ that you remembered falling asleep on the sofa. You didn’t remember grabbing a blanket, however, which had gotten wrapped around your legs in your sleep.

You recognized Vision’s silhouette as he appeared hurriedly from the other room. You couldn’t see much in the dim light, but you could recognize him by his eyes alone. They glowed softly in the dark, that electric-blue bringing some familiarity to your surroundings.

The lights came on and you were momentarily blinded, shielding your eyes with your hand as they adjusted. “Sorry,” you said, blinking the last remnants of sleep away. “I just fell off the sofa. I’m okay.” You took a good look around the room for the first time since arriving, still not bothering to get up off the floor. It looked like a fairly basic living space. There was a patterned rug, a coffee table, some shelves with a few random knick-knacks, the usual. You did notice the lack of a TV, however. You supposed it wasn’t worth investing in one if no one would be living here ninety-nine percent of the time.

Still a bit groggy, you almost didn’t see Vision walk over to you and extend a hand to help you up. To be completely honest, you were perfectly comfortable on the floor but you weren’t going to turn him away. You uttered a quick ‘thanks’ as you got to your feet.

You had absolutely no idea what time it was but it was definitely dark out. Not a speck of light filtered in through the drawn curtains. Whether it was evening or early morning, however, you hadn’t a clue. “What time is it?”

Vision pointed to a digital clock sitting on a bookshelf close by. It read 6:30.

“I only slept for a few hours?” Well, more like several hours, by your estimate. It was broad daylight when you’d arrived. Still, that was surprising given that you’d basically passed out as soon as you got indoors and hadn’t slept in like two days.

Vision shook his head, however, cutting off your train of thought. He held up one finger on his right hand and put it down before holding up nine in total. It took you a second to understand what he meant, thinking he was saying ten before realizing.

“Are you saying I slept nineteen hours?” Vision just nodded and you let out a sigh. That explained why you felt so stiff. That much time on a sofa, even a surprisingly comfortable one, would take its toll. One other thing struck you, however. “Wait a minute, so it’s six in the morning, then? It’s awfully dark out.” You chanced a peek out the window to actually confirm that it was, in fact, dark outside.

You turned back when you heard the familiar scratch of pen on paper. It looked like Vision had found a new notepad somewhere. By the time you walked over, he had finished writing. “Clock is an hour ahead. Haven’t fixed it. Only got power back on a couple hours ago.”

“Oh, that makes more sense.” This time of year, it was perfectly normal to be dark at 5:30. However, it was also cold outside and you were beginning to notice that in here as well. You picked up the blanket off the floor and draped it over your shoulders, pulling it tight around yourself. “Is there heat at all?”

Vision wrote his response as quick as possible, handwriting still impeccable as always. “It’s on but not very strong. Building isn’t in best condition anymore. There’s fuses missing so I prioritized some things. A few lights aren’t going to work.” He stepped aside and gestured somewhere down the small hallway behind him. On the wall was an open panel.

“Wait this place still has a fuse box? The Avengers couldn’t afford someplace with circuit breakers?” You couldn’t help but crack a smile at your own joke, if you could really call it that. You were just happy your custodial knowledge was relevant for once.

“Old SHIELD building,” Vision quickly noted. If this place had been built by the Avengers, it would be far more modern, probably to an unnecessary extent. Tony Stark would only stand for the best, even if it was a safe house that would almost never get used.

“Shield? Are they still around?” You only sort of understood what SHIELD was. No more than any other member of the general public. They were a kind-of, sort-of government agency or something like that. They always kept their stuff super secret so most people never really knew what they did. Then there was the whole deal with Hydra which nobody understood. You decided a long time ago it wasn’t worth worrying about, much like most of the American populace. Perhaps you should have paid closer attention.

Vision simply tilted his hand side-to-side in a gesture that implied that the answer was complicated and really not worth getting into. He shifted the conversation to you instead. “How are you feeling?”

“I should be asking you that. You weren’t doing so well yesterday.” You tried not to let the worry in your voice show, though you weren’t sure what good it would do.

You thought you saw a hint of a smile cross his face as he turned back to his paper. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be alright.”

“Vision...” You recalled back to the other night, when you’d told him nearly the same thing after a couple solid days of no sleep. Before you could retort, however, he’d turned and headed toward the other room, gesturing for you to follow.

The small office space was an absolute mess. The only reason you called it an office was the papers and folders scattered around the room as well as the computer tucked away on a desk in the corner. Underneath a blanket of dust, it looked almost exactly like the first computer you’d ever owned. Actually, it might just be the first computer. You were pretty sure it should be in a museum.

Vision navigated the difficult terrain with ease as he made his way to the desk. You, on the other hand, felt like you were doing a balancing act as you tried to limit your steps to the few parts of the floor that were visible. You didn’t know what all these stacks of papers and folders were exactly, but you figured it was best not to mess with them.

“There’s no way that thing works,” you said once you’d cleared a spot to stand by the desk, your own little island of shag carpeting amongst the sea of paper.

Vision pried open a panel on the side of the computer, carefully removing a CPU board with all the expertise of a seasoned technician. The actual monitor was half buried in a pile of miscellaneous cords and plugs next to the desk. After a brief moment of inspection, wherein he must’ve decided all appeared fine, he went ahead and booted the thing up.

It chugged to life like a patient coming out of surgery, slowly and with great difficulty. It made sounds you were pretty sure should only be coming from a lawn mower but all the lights eventually blinked on in time. As it did so, you braved the sneeze-inducing dust pile for the monitor, the air turning cloudy as you shifted all the junk that had been untouched for years. “I’m guessing you’ll need this?” You hoisted the dinosaur of a monitor up onto the desk, Vision taking it gratefully and nodding a thanks your way.

For a minute after he plugged it in, it seemed the screen wasn’t going to work. Only after staring at it did you realize it was working, albeit extremely slowly. A symbol was appearing on the screen, the shape becoming more discernible the longer the machine whirred. As far you could tell, it looked like some kind of government emblem, like an eagle with a crest in the center. It wasn’t until it had spent a solid minute loading that you were able to read the text surrounding it. “Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement... Logistics Division? What on Earth does— wait, that’s what SHIELD stands for?”

Vision nodded in a way that suggested he wasn’t overly fond of the acronym either. You were beginning to think he wasn’t so difficult to read after all, not like you thought when you’d first met, at least. It just took time, much like reading the decades-old monitor had.

“I think someone just really wanted the initials to spell out shield.” You gave a breathy laugh, more air than sound. “What’re you going to do with this old thing? Can it even get internet?”

Vision shook his head and reached for his paper from the edge of the desk. “Not that kind of computer,” he wrote. You resisted butting in as he tore off a new sheet, still not used to the pauses in conversation that resulted from the rather roundabout method of communication. “It’s wired directly into an old SHIELD system and by extension, hopefully, the Avengers emergency system.”

“Really? I would’ve guessed this place predated the Avengers.” As you spoke, Vision got the keyboard hooked up which had been stuffed into one of the desk drawers. It was missing at least a quarter of its key caps, the really chunky, old kind that made a satisfying click-clack when pressed. Apparently they’d prioritized actual computer hardware over keyboards considering there were offices at your job that still had keyboards just like it. Correction: your old job. You’d almost forgotten.

“SHIELD software was integrated with Stark tech after the Battle of New York. In theory, we should be able to put out an emergency signal on a secure Avengers server from here.” You almost hadn’t noticed Vision writing again as you zoned out a bit.

You would’ve been more excited over good news, but you’d learned over the years what happened when you got your hopes up. “So when you say in theory, I’m guessing the odds aren’t exactly...” You trailed off, unable to continue without sounding horribly pessimistic.

“It will work,” was all he wrote, a noticeable firmness in his grip as he held the pen. You didn’t say anything else but moved closer to the desk, directly by his side now. There was what could only be described as a hint of doubt in his expression before he turned back to the monitor as green text cluttered the screen.

“We can only hope so.” You let your hand brush his shoulder as you navigated back towards the door, no longer particularly caring to avoid crumpling the paper on the floor.

You weren’t sure how long it would take Vision to finish what he was doing, especially with the tech he was stuck with. You found it more than a bit ironic that possibly the most advanced machine on the planet had to use a decades-old computer to call for help. It felt weird to think of him as a machine. After what you’d been through in the past 24 hours alone, you’d begun to think of him as just another person. Well, not just another person, that wasn’t what you meant. How to put it...? You just couldn’t explain it. There was no precedent in your mind for a situation like this. Vision was a living being. As alive as anyone, maybe more so. That much you could say confidently.

Trying not to get too lost in your thoughts, you busied yourself investigating the rest of the apartment, not that there was much to find. Living room, connected kitchen, hallway with the office and stairs that led up to a bedroom and bathroom. All pretty standard. All of it looked fresh out of the 80’s. Well, maybe not fresh.

Just as you completed your lap of the place, you were interrupted by a low grumble from none other than your own stomach. That was a problem. There was definitely not food here. You had no other choice really than to shove the feeling to the back of your mind for now. You got yourself a glass of water to make do. At least the plumbing worked.

By the time Vision came back, it had been less than twenty minutes. “That was quick. Any success?” You sipped your water, ignoring the slight metallic tang it had.

Vision wrote as he crossed the room to stand opposite you from the island counter. “The beacon is active. Now someone just needs to hear it.”

Despite his lack of vocals, you sensed a definite lack of confidence in his words. “How long do you think that’ll take?” You hoped not too long. You were concerned about your food situation.

He didn’t bother writing a response. The expression on his face made it clear; he had no idea. Maybe never, if no one was out there to hear it. You only hummed a response, neither confirming nor retorting. The sound of you sipping your water seemed immensely loud in the heavy silence of the room.

“Well, what do we do now?” You were becoming anxious again. You didn’t like being forced to sit and wait. At any minute, you felt like law enforcement would start breaking the door down.

“We wait. There’s nothing else we can do.” He seemed apologetic. He wished he could give you a more concrete answer, some sort of assurance that this would all work out, but he couldn’t. Not truthfully, anyway.

It looked like you had some time to kill. You weren’t sure what all there really was to do. Still, it wasn’t all bad. At least you had company. “I wonder if there’s a better way we can communicate,” you mused, turning your mind to less dire matters.

Vision seemed to brighten up a bit as he was struck by an idea. “You don’t happen to know any ASL, do you?”

You shook your head. “Unfortunately, no. I assume you do?”

He responded by holding up his right hand in a closed fist and sort of nodded it up and down.

“I’m guessing that means... yes?” It wasn’t a far stretch. You’d actually thought about learning ASL before but never gotten around to it. There were more uses for it than people realized. Too bad work left you too busy and tired to make the time for lessons. Well now you had nothing but time.

Vision just nodded his head in the more familiar interpretation of the word. He grabbed the pen and paper again off the counter. “I could teach you some. At least the important parts, if you want.” He hesitated a split second between sentences, just a bit nervous, though the pause was nowhere near long enough for you to notice. It was barely a stutter in his programming, a single digit skipped somewhere in his code. Nothing to be concerned with.

“Yeah,” you said, maybe just slightly too enthusiastic. “Yeah, that’d be great! I— I mean, it would be useful, you know? Way more efficient than pen and paper. Uhm...” You were struggling to ask how he wanted to start when your stomach growled, providing a convenient segue into another topic. “Heh, sorry. Didn’t realize how hungry I was.” You tried to pass it off as no big deal, although you really were starving. You hadn’t eaten anything since before setting Vision free. It had been well over a full day since then.

He looked surprised for a moment, which he was, before he began writing. For a genius super-computer, he could sometimes be very forgetful of the needs of his human cohorts. They were very fragile things, humans. The need for sleep and food was something Vision never had to worry about, something he realized he took for granted. Something akin to guilt began to gnaw at him when he too realized how long it had been since the escape. He should’ve brought up the matter earlier. “We need to get you food,” he wrote very matter-of-factly. It wasn’t something up for debate.

“I don’t exactly have a lot of cash on me, Vis.” You flinched at the nickname, quick to move on before he could call you out on it. It had been merely a slip of the tongue, just shortening his name for the sake of convenience. It could have been a gesture of friendship towards the android, though you weren’t sure you’d quite earned the right to call Vision a friend, even if you were fond of him. “I’ve got like 10 bucks, tops.” You pulled a few crumpled bills from your pockets to emphasize your point. You obviously couldn’t use your credit card, either. You’d seen enough movies to know that.

Vision thought a moment before coming up with an idea. “It’s not the most ethical thing to do, but I could get cash out of an ATM. It’s technically a matter of survival, after all.” He demonstrated exactly what he meant by phasing his hand through the paper as you read, something that could just as easily be done to a cash machine.

It wasn’t so much the legality of the idea that bothered you. After all, you’d stolen multiple cars. It was the matter of Vision’s safety. Not that he couldn’t protect himself but he would be spotted quite easily if he went outside. That was just a matter of fact. And if someone called the police on a strange magenta man or anything along the lines of ‘robot,’ you could pretty much guarantee trouble. “I don’t know... What if someone sees you? The last thing we want is to compromise the safe house. I can just wait awhile longer, I’ll be fine.”

Your stomach chose that moment to grumble again, completely undermining your point. Vision shot you a look that more than sufficed to communicate what he was thinking but he wrote it down anyway. “It would seem we don’t have much of a choice.”

You sighed, all but forced to agree. Although, it would be nice to get some actual food before your stomach started eating itself. “Fine,” you relented. “But we wait until it gets dark out. It’s safer that way.”

Vision wasn’t about to argue.

Memorization wasn’t really your strong suit, but you seemed to do surprisingly well with the start of your sign language lessons. It helped that your teacher was so patient.

Vision thought it would be best to start with a few simple phrases for the sake of saving paper. Common things such as ‘sorry’ and ‘thank you.’ You had the benefit of only really needing to recognize them as opposed to being able to do the signs yourself, since Vision could obviously hear you, but you took it upon yourself to mimic the gestures anyway.

It had been a few hours and your head was starting to ache but you insisted on continuing. You were certain you were doing well and you wanted Vision to be impressed. Not only could you remember how to spell your own name, you could spell his as well. The rest of the alphabet may not have stuck as much but oh well. For now, words and phrases were more important.

“That’s... someone?” You guessed as Vision held up his index finger and waved it in a sort of circle. He’d been quizzing you for a few minutes now, to which you’d done pretty well. He shook his head this time, however, and tried not to look amused by the almost comically offended look on your face. “What? Yes it is! I’m certain that means ‘someone!’” You were insistent on the fact. Vision hadn’t tried to trip you up yet but he must be this time. You tried to mimic the motion, repeating the word as if that would change anything.

He shook his head again, not bothering to hide his smile this time. He reached for your hand, raising it higher to show you that there was, in fact, a slight difference between what he was signing and what you were. For a moment, you looked almost startled, like a deer in headlights. He didn’t miss the hint of color that tinged your cheeks. His assumption was merely that you were embarrassed by your mistake, though it was an easy one to make. He switched back to paper in order to explain. “This,” he repeated his first gesture. “means ‘always’. What you signed was ‘someone.’ See the difference?”

You nodded in understanding although your attention was beginning to drift. You felt like you were cramming for an exam in a class you hadn’t been attending. You may or may not have actually had to do that before. The point was, you’d learned just about all you were going to for the day. And just in time, it seemed, as you glanced toward the curtains, no longer backlit by the afternoon sun. You’d managed to kill most of the day, between checking that the computer was still working and just generally talking with Vision. There wasn’t much else to do, not that you were complaining. You were quite enjoying the android’s company and not just because you were stuck with him. And to top it off, you’d managed to distract yourself from how hungry you were. Until now, that is.

“How about we call it a day on the lessons, hm? I’d say now’s about the best time to head outside. There’s just one thing we have to do first.” You turned and exited the room without explanation, only saying you’d be right back. You ran upstairs to the bedroom, hoping you could find what you needed. You hadn’t voiced your plan to Vision, although you saw no reason for him not to go along with it. It was a smart idea if you said so yourself. At least that’s what you told yourself as you began rifling through drawers.

Vision wasn’t sure what to think at first when you came bumbling down the stairs again with a messily folded bundle in your hands. But your intention became clear quite quickly once you’d returned, immediately holding out the clothes to him before bothering to explain.

“I hope this isn’t rude but you kind of… stand out. I just thought, maybe it’d be a good idea to disguise yourself. Just for safety. Is that okay?” You hoped there was no offense taken by the gesture. In truth, you were glad Vision was going with you and not just because of the money thing. You didn’t feel particularly safe walking the streets alone at night, especially when you didn’t know the area. But having Vision by your side made you feel nigh invincible. There was just the small issue of technically being wanted criminals.

He smiled, more to himself than anything. It was just strange, he thought, how concerned you were with his opinion. Of course he wasn’t offended. It was a smart idea. He chuckled a bit, although it was a strange action given his physical state. The motion of a laugh was there, his shoulders shuddering as any human’s would despite his lack of need to actually breathe, but there was no sound. It was one of those mannerisms that was ingrained in his programming, though he wasn’t sure quite where it came from. Not from Jarvis, certainly, since the AI had no physical form, and Ultron likely hadn’t been terribly focused on such gestures at the time of his creation. In reality, it was simply something he’d picked up on his own, even if he wasn’t aware of it.

You let out a breathy chuckle of your own as he took the clothes, glad to see he agreed with you wholeheartedly. He got dressed quickly, leaving only his face visible when he was done. Luckily, it was cold enough outside for him to get away with wearing gloves, a scarf and a hat. The clothes were a bit old-fashioned but in a professional way. The long wool coat and slacks in particular gave the impression of a scholarly type, perhaps even a professor. You couldn’t help but think it was a good look for him.

“Well don’t you look just dashing,” you teased. You’d found a coat for yourself as well, deciding your own jacket wasn’t going to be enough. You silently thanked whatever SHIELD employee set this place up for supplying a myriad of spare clothes. “Oh, one more thing.” You turned to the coat rack by the door, grabbing a scarf that had been left hanging there. “Just in case.”

You hesitated at the front door. Despite the fact that you were merely going to look for a convenience store or something similar, your anxiety spiked as though it were a dangerous mission. You could just imagine all the ways you could get caught. It was almost enough to make you stay here, slowly starving to death waiting for something to happen. Vision noticed your apprehension, however, and did the first thing that came to mind to soothe your worries. He gave you a warm smile, holding out a bent arm for you to take. He thought you might find the somewhat old-fashioned gesture funny and he was right. You laughed, taking his arm anyway. It was a nice reminder that the odds of anything bad happening were tremendously low, which you mentally repeated to yourself as you stepped outside.

Everything had gone off without a hitch. There was a small grocery store a few blocks down which you’d run into just before closing time so the store was nearly empty. Vision had waited outside near the ATM, which had provided the funds you needed. Other than the bored clerk at the store, you hadn’t seen so much as a single soul this whole trip. By the time you and Vision were walking back, burdened by just a few days worth of groceries (which would ideally be more than enough), your previous worries had all but melted away.

You only wished the weather matched the feeling. Nothing was melting in this cold. In fact, a few snowflakes had begun to fall. They were almost mesmerizing under the blueish haze of the streetlights, whipped into a frenzy by the faintest of gusts. The sight wasn’t enough of a distraction, however. You couldn’t help it when a shiver wracked your body, your coat not doing nearly enough to prevent it. Vision noticed this, however, and stopped you both in your tracks.

He was quick to reach for the paper and pen in his coat pocket, a look on his face of more concern than you thought necessary. It was only a little chill. “Are you cold?” The question wasn’t particularly necessary, the answer being obvious. Still, it was polite to ask.

You tried to shrug it off, noticeably tensing to suppress a second shiver. “I’m fine. Let’s just hurry back.” You turned to keep walking, knowing there was still a decent walk ahead but he stopped you, putting a hand on your arm for the briefest of seconds. He just looked at you a moment, seeming to forget about his paper. You caught the faintest hint of conflict in his expression, though you didn’t know why. “What is it, Vision?”

Realizing he’d made you worry, Vision seemed to snap back to his senses. He gave you a reassuring smile and reached for his scarf, undoing it quickly. You were facing him, standing close enough to see the circuitry in his eyes. He paused again, however, debating his next action. For a being that didn’t have nerves, he sure felt nervous and didn’t fully understand why. He moved at a pace far slower than he was used to, hesitantly wrapping the scarf around your neck for you. His touch was light as a feather as if he were afraid to touch you. You could do nothing but watch him, lost in the details of his eyes and face as your grip on the grocery bags began to loosen involuntarily. There was a moment where neither of you moved, his hands still lingering on the loose fabric of the scarf.

Your heart skipped a beat at the gesture, mind racing to find a logical conclusion that didn’t concern such things as the vague and confusing emotions that spiked in your chest just then. It was cold, so Vision gave you his scarf. Your hands were full, so he put it on for you. But what you couldn’t answer was why he lingered the way that he did and more importantly, why your chest began to feel tight in a way that wasn’t as unpleasant as you’d think. The most sensible reason you could think of was that he was simply a gentleman, and perhaps a little unfamiliar with personal boundaries. That was the only possibility you had the strength to consider. Anything else would open doors you were afraid to even imagine.

Footsteps scraping heavily against the pavement cut the tender, if rather nerve-filled moment short. You turned toward the sound, though Vision remained facing slightly away, bowing his head somewhat in an attempt to conceal himself. You froze when a figure emerged from the alleyway; a heavy-set man whose posture listed to one side, most likely from some kind of injury. His clothes were noticeably old and ragged, most definitely not warm enough for this weather. You would’ve asked him if he needed help were it not for the knife he brandished at you.

“Look, I don’t want any trouble,” he said, his voice wavering. Funny, you were just about to say the same thing. Clearly, he wouldn’t be doing this unless he was desperate and in a bad situation. Unfortunately, you weren’t much better off. “I saw you, I know you have cash. Just hand it over and no one gets hurts.”

Under normal circumstances you would’ve complied but you’d used up pretty much all the cash you got and you couldn’t risk giving him your wallet. If your ID found its way into police hands there’d be government agents swarming this place before you ever got the chance to bail. “We don’t have any money left, I swear. Please, just walk away.” You moved slowly, setting the grocery bags on the ground and raising your hands in surrender without making any sudden movements that could set him off. You weren’t as afraid as you probably should’ve been, choosing to try and reason with the man rather than flee, which would probably be the smarter option.

The man stepped closer to you, his grip on the knife visibly tightening. He was nearly within arm’s reach now which wasn’t ideal but you held your ground. Vision caught the man’s movement out of the corner of his eye, his hand reflexively grabbing at your arm protectively. The man furrowed his brow, glancing between the two of you in confusion. At this distance, even without Vision facing him, he could almost definitely tell something was strange here. Having given you his scarf, the only things covering Vision’s face were a hat and upturned coat collar. You spoke up again, drawing the man’s attention before he could get too close of a look. “This doesn’t have to get messy. Please… ”

You weren’t sure exactly how long the three of you stood there, time frozen around you. The only things that moved were the snowflakes that had grown more frequent in the past couple minutes. The man finally shifted, albeit barely, one foot scraping harshly against the concrete as he braced himself. He glanced between you and Vision again, jaw clenched tightly. “I ain’t walking away empty-handed. I can’t. Just gimme your damn wallet.”

Vision tugged gently on your arm. You weren’t sure exactly what he was trying to say, either trying to pull you closer to him or signal that you should run. You didn’t think running was a good idea. You feared Vision’s injuries acting up again and you didn’t want to test your own speed either. You turned back to the man, desperately pleading at this point. “I can’t …”

“Then I’ll just have to take it from you.” He didn’t give you another chance to argue, immediately lunging at you haphazardly. He couldn’t even get close to hitting you, however, as Vision’s reflexes were far superior to the man’s. The android grabbed his arm, twisting it painfully to the side and forcing him to drop the knife. The man yelped and threw a punch at Vision, who dodged it easily. The man didn’t seem to understand just how drastically outmatched he was, not even now that he had a clear view of Vision’s face. Whatever was going through his head, he still seemed to think fighting was his best option. He took another swing at Vision who, up until this point, had no intention of fighting back. But he was left with few other options. He pushed back against his attacker, sending the man sprawling to the ground with a painful ‘smack’ as he hit the pavement. There was genuine fear in his eyes when he looked back up at the two of you.

“Vis, we gotta go.” It was you holding his arm now, pleading with him to leave. He nodded quickly, completely in agreement. The two of you paused only long enough to scoop up the dropped grocery bags before making your escape. The man didn’t dare follow you as you disappeared down a side street, desperate to avoid any more prying eyes. This was the exact sort of thing you’d been afraid of when you’d left the safe house. You could only hope the man kept his mouth shut about what he’d witnessed tonight but it seemed luck may not be on your side.

A/N: I want to mention that I don’t personally know much ASL and had to rely on videos, etc. so if anything at all is wrong, I apologize. Feel free to call me out.

#vision/reader #vision x reader #marvel fanfiction #avengers fanfiction

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pleasantwizardphilosopher · 4 years ago

Text

Just you and me

So, I finally gathered the courage to write something and went for a SuperCorp fanfic, because clearly I am supercorp trash. I haven’t decided whether to post it in AO3 or not but if I do I’ll let you know. English is not my first language so if you get any mistakes or some parts lack cohesion please let me know and I’ll try to fix it. This fic goes by the idea that Kara is a very good scientist, she deserves that much, Lena’s background is canon-like. There are no dialogs, only feelings and senses, hope you like it.

*********

Finding yourself stuck in time is hard, at least that’s what most people would feel like under such circumstances, but not for Lena, not right now, where every single piece of “normalcy” her life had is just beginning to crumble, like a piece of sun-dried bread, or the way eggshells crack after someone steps on them, painfully, noisily, in a million pieces, most of all and beyond everything, they shatter unrecognizably and irreparably. Maybe the cold that such pain leaves behind is what led her to run, maybe it was the sudden fear and tiredness that was left in her, like cold steel in her bones, maybe it was the emptiness that started consuming every truth she thought she knew. It did not matter, she fled, running as fast as she could in those 7-inch Louboutins. She never looked back, not even after her flight landed in National City, not even after setting foot for the first time in her new penthouse in the middle of the city. She never regretted it, at first it was rough, sure, like every bumpy road is, yet, after the first glance she ever took at that blonde hair that day in the park, all doubts were erased off her mind.

*********

It was the end of August, the chilly air that announced a cold winter ahead blew her hair, ruffling it in her face; filling the streets, waking scattered orange and brown-ish leaves that had fallen from nearby trees, whistling on its way through the now almost-bare branches. The wind left behind the soft aroma of wet dirt, freshly baked bread and upcoming rain, heartwarmingly, filling her lungs easily with every breath, puffing visible clouds when exhaling. It was certainly nostalgic, the kind that makes you feel warm and cozy and at the same time makes your eyes prickle with unshed tears. Kara felt that pull, as usual, for everything good her life has had, and everything it had taken from her. She stood on the sidewalk, towards National’s City Central Park, glancing around her, taking in her surroundings when her gaze landed on a particular someone, dragged to her as if her eyes were mere pieces of steel and that woman were a huge neodymium magnet; She found herself staring at a sight she’ll always remember, because at that moment, when she first saw her, she felt a different kind of pull at her heart, the kind that screamed “caution!”, but in the good way, hopefully.

Long before she knew her name, what made her laugh, what made fer fidget with her fingers nervously, but above all, long before she had met that woman with dark long silky hair, forest-green eyes and pearly skin. Long before that gorgeous human being, with such power emanating from her, yet such caring, hopeful eyes, crossed her path, long before she made her feel like flying without actually leaving the ground, mostly, who she would grow to love, maybe, maybe she was fantasizing too much, who could blame her, it surely was a sight to remember.

*********

When the double doors slide open, she’s expecting a no-nonsense, powerful, cold-blooded, cocky-demeanor CEO, what she’s definitely not expecting is for such CEO to be almost precisely all that shaped and carefully placed in a stunning, raven-haired woman, whose green eyes could pierce through your soul and would probably make you spill your darkest and deepest secrets, those that also hide so much fear, making her want to walk over there and pour all her support into a hug. Kara swallows. Nevertheless, there is also something else to this woman’s aura, her posture is perfect, clearly carved into her from a very young age, and her smile is polite but stiff, almost practiced, and still, Kara can feel kindness emanating from her, true deep kindness and care. Something brings her to the present again, her breath hitches, those beautiful eyes are staring intently into hers with curiosity and a hint of amusement. The woman in front of her has managed to steal her breath twice now, which is not something she, the founder and co-owner of a start-up company. Harvard graduate and Kryptonian, finds happening often, she has faced great threats, from grumpy bankers to out-of-space threats as Supergirl, yet, Lena Luthor has managed to make her heartbeat go erratic with a simple gaze.

The soft scent of an expensive perfume fills the office, something akin cinnamon, vanilla and a little scotch (?). It is dizzying and a little distracting. She somehow manages to go through her proposal for the CEO without stumbling too much and, fortunately, without rambling. Lena seems fascinated by the proposal and agrees to the terms without major modifications to the contract. After both signing, they shake hands, and maybe, just maybe, they linger a little more than needed, both enraptured by the softness of the other’s hand. Lena pulls away first, fingers tingling, feeling the tips of her fingers warm and a lingering scent of something floral, it is electrifying, like a low current cursing through her veins, making her get goosebumps all over her arms, but she doesn’t mind, as her attention is captured by those ocean blue eyes that seemingly hold the weight of the world. She certainly is nowhere close to getting tired of them.

*********

When they signed this partnership, they did not expect it to turn this way, at least Kara didn't, or so she muses while sitting on the ledge of her rooftop. She truly just meant to get funding and maybe get to work a little up-close with the brilliant, certified genius of a woman. Sure, she is gorgeous and incredibly sharp-minded, as proven by so many magazines’ articles having bothered to analyze both qualities deeply and thoroughly; but after that first sight of her, with such strength and determination to her pose, with each powerful step, with every sway of her hips, albeit hiding so much hurt, sadness, and a great burden, brought to her by her last name; a burden that Kara has somehow come know so well, such need to be understood, because, the truth was, that no one had ever lived through loss the way they did. One lost her world, her culture and way of life, but found love and compassion, whereas Lena was denied both from a very short age, living a life without love, compassion, and affection, in a household where the outside cold wouldn’t enter, as the inside was icier.

The cold nighty wind startles her, it brings to her mind memories of bight smiles, so hard that certain dimples showed, laughs so hard that some wine would be spat on a very white leader couch, sunny days filled with an assortment of foods and a wonderful voice, filling every corner of the room with its melody and a slight accent, becoming more evident when emotion takes a rightful place in her voice, one that comes from a very pale yet very compassionate woman. She has to tell her, it's been just over a year since they first met, but she knows it is time, with them growing closer, she has to tell her she is Supergirl. And yeah, she definitely did NOT expect things to turn this way. (Maybe she kinda did).

**********

When she asked Kara if she understood the quantum mechanics behind the surface plasmon resonance their platinum nanoparticles showed, she wanted to be shaken, mad even, because why wouldn't she, the to-be youngest member of the Science Guild on Krypton? Of course, they didn't have the same metals as they did on Earth, but they understood the physics behind the phenomena. Okay, Lena did do not know her identity, yet, hopefully, but she did have a Bachelor in Mechatronic Engineering and a Master Degree in Advanced Materials, she definitely may have crossed paths with the concept. But hell, how can she be mad when those bright, summer-trees green eyes look at her with such glint of excitement, with a twinkling sparkle or curiosity? Those eyes that were looking at her with a look you give someone you know gets you, beyond understanding your words, those who truly get a grasp of your language, of who you are, what makes you shake with the excitement of a new discovery, a greater challenge. It was then that Kara knew that she could read Lena the way no one had ever done for her, she could grasp what she needed in every moment, what she was thinking, but she also got her sciency stuff, the theoretical jargon, upcoming theories, the physics behind phenomena and she shared her love for technology that could make humans' lives better, longer, healthier. They shared, compassion, vision, passion and... Kara was now almost certain, love.

At least she thinks so, what else could those stolen glances be? She looks up, just to find those forest-green eyes glinting with determination and concentration while those agile slender fingers handle tools and twinkle their way around the solar panel’s circuitry. She is so enraptured by her skills that she mistakenly adds way too much platinum sulfide to the solution, turning it suddenly black and bringing her out of her stupor as the contents boil, violently spilling all over the place, filling the air with a slight scent of iron, evaporated water and burnt plastic. Green eyes break contact with the panel to look towards where strong hands work frantically to turn off the hot plate she was working on, dropping her tools she reaches a hand to help Kara, concerned green eyes looking for any kind of burn injury or spill that may need to be taken care of. After making sure everything is (mostly) okay and that it was just a failed reaction, Kara is suddenly aware of a soft hand pulling her away from the table, vanilla and cinnamon fill the air around her, like a soft embrace, that turns real when Lena pulls her into her arms, a soft bubble surrounding Kara, making her a little giddy and peaceful at the same time. Flowers, fresh-cut flowers is what Lena smells, while she hugs Kara tightly, it is normal to get worried for your best friend after a lab incident, no matter how small, she tells herself, and while it maybe is, it is definitely not normal the way her heart felt like stopping the moment she saw the hot contents of the Erlenmeyer flask spill all over the place, fearing for Kara, feeling it creep up her spine and settle like cold ice on her stomach and lungs, making it hard to breathe.

When strong arms surround her and pull her in tighter, she realizes she has started shaking and hyperventilating, embarrassed she hides her face in the crook of Kara’s neck, and everything fades outside this moment. It is just them, vanilla, and flowers, Kara murmuring sweet nothings into Lena’s ear, hearing her heartbeat even out, and her breathing become normal; and Lena trusting that this person, whose arms seem to be able to lift a bus, whose laugh makes her heart warm and fuzzy, whose smile lights her world and makes her feel safe, cared for and understood; will never let her fall. And perhaps she is right.

**********

Yup, it is definitely love. What else could it be? That snowy January, between hot cocoa and soft muffins, she knew. She is hovering outside her lab, on the outskirts of town, where it was less likely that someone caught her both personas; peeking through the windows, she sees her, Lena is coding the interface that would allow them to take the most efficiency and durability out of the technology they had designed, the mechanical and chemical part was almost done already. She is typing, eyes narrowed in concentration behind thick rimmed glasses, the tip of her tongue poking from a corner of her mouth. And Kara knows, she wants to caress those hands when they were trembling from the winter cold, but also kiss them after a long day working with her computer, she wants to rub her feet after a day filled with meetings and kiss her every time her brilliant mind comes up with a solution for an impossible problem. But above all that, she wants to hold her and whisper into her ear comforting and loving words when she has a nightmare regarding Lex, she knows it’s a common occurrence. She wants to see her crumble knowing that Kara would always hold her and support her, kissing her lovingly every time her insecurities get the best of her. She wants her to feel safe, protected and loved in a way she always deserved but never got.

She sighs, this is it and she knows it, there is not moving forward without coming clean about Supergirl, because, staring at Lena, she knows there is no going back either, looking the way her agile fingers dance around the keyboard as if she were writing a letter to a friend instead of a state-of-the-art software to power and control their recently developed solar panels. She thinks of how beautiful of a soul Lena is, she has such a big heart, she has a huge weight on her shoulders for being a Luthor, a burden which Kara would love to lift from her since it is not hers to carry, it shouldn’t be. Furthermore, she cares so much for the world and the people in it, even for the ones that are not human, unlike her family she is truly kind and compassionate.

Here goes nothing. Kara flies through the lab floor-to-ceiling windows towards the desk where Lena is working, placing beside her the paper bag containing hot cocoa and muffins for her. Due to the cold, the soft warm homey smell soon starts filling the room. Lena looks up smiling, expecting to find Kara behind the treats, but instead, bright green eyes lock with glassy baby blue eyes, trembling lips and fingers fidgeting. Lena stands. She is instantly shaking, whatever it is that could possibly turn the unyielding hero into a crying mess must be of great concern. She steadies herself by grabbing the edge of the table to keep her knees from buckling, knuckles turn white. Green never leaves blue. And just when she is about to ask the hero what brings her here, a strong hand comes to the small of her back to steady her and keep her upright. She has never been this close to Supergirl and at that moment when every sound seems to shut and the air stills, she knows.

She knows why those sky-blue eyes always inspired her such calm and confidence, why she always felt safe in those arms that could bend steel as butter. Because in that moment, when the warmth emanating from that hand starts filtering through her clothes, warming her, her senses are also filled with a smell of flowers, mixed with chocolate and bread, and a hint of mint; when a single tear escapes those ocean blue eyes, she crumbles. She crumbles under that gaze filled with pain and sorrow, filled with such regret that she could feel it creeping through herself, nestling in every corner of her body, making her feel slump and heavy. She also sees intelligence, compassion and strength, qualities she has come to be very familiar with under a blue setting. And so, she grabs the hero’s suit in her fist and buries her face in her chest, a single heart-wreaking cry filling the air. Kara shatters then, knowing how much pain this is causing to a soul that has been betrayed over and over again, who has been abused and pushed to her limits. She knows she is picking an open wound with a stick, and she hates herself for it, for using the same trust Lena gave her against her. They slide to the floor, never letting go of each other, tears falling freely through both their cheeks. Lena breaks into heartbreaking sobs and Kara holds her tighter, as if trying to keep her from falling into pieces, from breaking apart, rocking them both back and forth softly. Lena just cries, screaming from time to time, gripping the fabric so tightly that if it were regular fabric, it would be tearing down by now, but it isn’t, just as the woman holding her, the woman she most certainly is NOT in love with, is not a regular human. They stay there, holding onto each other, never breaking eye contact, the hot cocoa and muffins long forgotten.

**********

She really isn’t mad. She isn’t. So maybe she has been slightly avoiding Kara, but she isn’t mad. Despite her first-instance outburst of emotions, she realized she really isn’t angry at Kara from keeping the Supergirl thing a secret from her, yes, she was deeply hurt and upset but she understands the reasoning behind it, albeit she wishes Kara had told her earlier in their relationship it also makes perfect sense for her to hide it until making sure their relationship was well-founded and strong.

She is quite lost though, there is a small hint of emptiness inside her chest from that day which smelled like chocolate and bread, at first Lena thought she might actually and finally be broken, her heart having taken so many hits already. But the pain eventually faded, and that emptiness never left, on the contrary, it became more present, so much that she was now almost used to it. Like a lingering rock in the bottom of her stomach, or a ball of cotton in her throat, constant, bearable but persistent. And now, as the snow starts melting outside her office she wonders why. She knows why though; she just likes to pretend like she can fool herself.

The morning sun is hitting her office’s windows, warmer than it has been for the past few months and as the first drops of melted snow start to fall from the rooftop to her balcony, the pretense falls to pieces, and she falls along with it. She fumbles with her balcony door and stumbles outside, not even bothering to grab her coat, as soon as she steps outside, she is hit with cold, humid air and slippery floors. Taking huge gasps of cold air to fill lungs that seemingly do not want to be filled.

Maybe this is all she needed, standing on her balcony and glancing at the city, the morning sun casting a bright yellow light over her face, warming her skin softly, while her side in the shadows gets colder every passing second. It is enough, hot and cold, day and night, light and darkness, she always wondered to which side of the scale she tipped the most, she used to believe she was all shadows, a Luthor, and Kara was light, all goodness, she smiles at the irony, a Super. However, while she is taking in the city, calm and almost quiet since it is so early, bright light hitting the buildings and cold, contrasting shadows hiding smaller streets, cars, and people, she gets it. Kara was never all light, and will never be, she has on her shoulders an unbearable pain that will never go away and with her powers come hard choices that no one should ever have to make. And she, she is not darkness, she is both, and she can choose which side to feed, and she wants to choose light, just not any light, one that is personified by blonde hair and ocean-deep blue eyes that she could, and does, get lost into. Maybe, she can bring a certain light to Kara as well, maybe they both deserve it, they deserve each other. Letting out a breath she didn’t know she was holding she turned on her heels towards her office and out of it, directly to a certain warehouse on the outskirts of town. The balcony door left open, melted snow glowing gold from the morning sun, dripping into Lena’s office.

**********

Disappointment is that what she feels, no, sadness, for sure, she knew things could go sideways with the whole reveal show and yet, the clench in her heart won’t go away easily, and she knows she absolutely has no right to feel that way, she made that choice, just as she has made every other choice before it. She is tempering with her suit, waiting for her cell culture to finish growing so she can properly test their absorption properties. Soft pop music plays in the background, filling the warehouse with soft notes with a cheesy vibe, the mid-morning sun streams from the windows, lighting the space with an orange-ish golden glow. She finishes her upgrades with a tired huff, never one to hate working on something she surprises herself with such reaction. Groaning with frustration that has nothing to do with her projects and a lot to do with a certain pale powerful, wonderful, CEO.

She walks towards the windows, letting herself bask in the mid-morning light, feeling her powers recharge and her body start buzzing with energy. She clenches her fists, as the warmth caress of the sun on her skin makes her heart ache, missing another entirely different kind of warmth. She leans against a wall and lets her body slide to the ground, bringing her knees to her chest, she closes her eyes, letting herself get lost in the feeling of the sun kissing her skin, softly, almost hesitantly, she can almost picture a certain brunette, softly stroking her cheek, a sweet lovingly caress. A single tear rolls down her cheek from her closed eyes, knowing that such caresses may never be from her, a faith written by her own hand, resulting from her choices, as hard as it is. Letting her straining superhearing and expanding its reach she hears the hustle and bustle from downtown a few kilometers away, she hears the honks of the cars and the heavy panting from people running late for their work, such mundane thing that she may never truly get to live and experience. As her hearing expands, she finds herself focusing in a very well-known heartbeat, one she can distinguish above the sea of heartbeats that flood the city; it is beating absurdly fast, and her first reaction is to focus on her surroundings to find out whether she is in danger or not.

She hears heavy puffs of air, heels clicking steadily and determinately on the pavement, closer with every step, and is she running? Her breath hitches when realization dawns on her, she IS running, towards her. While her mind screams for her to move, to do something, her body is frozen, unresponsive, breath caught in her throat, she absolutely does not understand what is happening and doesn’t know what to expect from the woman that is now reaching her. Before she can dwell on it further, a feminine soft hand with slender cold fingers is touching her knee softly. She is panting from the effort, her breath smells like back coffee and mint, hitting Kara’s face warmly, making her head spin; a slight scent of grounded coffee beams mixed with Lena’s favorite scotch emanates from her clothes, she smells strangely like home; her red lipstick matching her flushed cheeks from running, and Kara cannot help but let her jaw fall open in awe at the sight.

She grabs Lena’s wrists softly and stands up bringing her along. Kara finally gathers her courage and looks at her eyes. She feels like sinking under her gaze, not out of fear, it’s nothing but love and warmth what she sees in those jade-green eyes, feelings she doesn’t feel worthy of, specially not when coming from the Irish goddess. Just when she’s about to close her eyes again, uncapable of keeping her gaze, Lena hooks a finger under her chin and makes her raise her eyes up to hers again. Insecure, scared-like blue puppy eyes find soft-looking bright emerald eyes. It’s understanding what she sees now in those deep green eyes, the same ones that seem capable of reading her like an open book. She lets out a sob, and Lena lets go of her chin, going to grab her hand, bringing it to her lips and kissing her palm tenderly.

The breeze brings to Kara’s nose the scent of Lena’s shampoo, smells like rainy days and autumn leaves, and, as usual, no words are needed when Kara moves her hand from Lena’s lips to cup her cheeks, bringing her other hand up. And, what else can she do other than lean forward? So, she does, she leans forward and kisses her forehead, its soft, tender, like a butterflies’ kiss, just barely brushing her skin, trying to convey her love for her beautiful Genius™ mind, for her brilliance, stubbornness and compassionate selfless soul. She then brushes her lips softly on both her eyelids, trying to convey all the love and regret she feels regarding the way she did Supergirl secret-related things. She parts slowly and watches as Lena opens her eyes fluttering open slowly, bringing her hands up to grab the wrists of the Kara’s hands that are still cupping her face, thumbs softly stroking the inside of the kryptonian’s wrists, she lets out a shaky breath, blue eyes looking at her so lovingly tenderly, with such determination and strength, unyielding as sapphires, she feels no questioning in her heart, this is where she is meant to be, she turns into a mushy puddle and lets herself be drawn into the Girl of Steel.

Kara leans forward and kisses her nose, giggling quietly, Lena simply melts into it feeling a soft warm breath that smells like chocolate and honey, suddenly, the emptiness in her chest melts like ice cream on a hot summer day, leaving nothing but love and warmth, like the one from a fireplace on Christmas Eve. She lets out a shuddering breath, relieved. They lock eyes again, and finally all those unspoken questions find an answer. They lean forward at the same time, their lips meeting in the middle, fitting perfectly against each other. It is warm, tender, loving, and everything it should be, the way every cheesy romantic comedy says it’s like. They pour all their love into that moment, lips moving against each other, chocolate-honey and black coffee.

When they finally part, it’s like breathing for the first time, lungs grasping for oxygen, freshly cut grass, concrete and sun-provided warmth, and it is perfect. Like taking a breath after holding it underwater for a long time, except you never truly knew what breathing was like, until that life-altering breath. They breathe in sync, foreheads touching, Kara’s hands go down to wrap around Lena’s waist, pulling her closer, Lena rests her head softly on Kara’s chest, nuzzling into her neck and closing her eyes, letting herself fall into that fierce love, like an all-consuming fire, she’s been too afraid to open herself to, to be vulnerable. They stay there, enjoying each other’s embrace, the hustle and bustle of the city blind to a beautifully blooming love.

**********

Kara is very clumsy, it does help her keep up her façade, albeit it is also a personal trait of hers. And right now, as she trips on nothing, while standing nonetheless, she makes it extremely evident. Forest green eyes look at her amused from the other side of the door. How does Lena expect Kara not to fall face first to the ground when she is dressed looking like THAT. Wearing a deep red drees that falls softly just below her knees, strapless, leaving her back and cleavage on display, her hair up in a neat bun and her signature 7-inch black heels, Kara definitely stopped breathing, not that she needs to anyway. She stands up awkwardly, taking the dust off her khaki pants and dark blue blazer. Lena cannot hide a smirk after pulling such reaction from no other than Supergirl.

The CEO pulls Kara into her apartment, it smells like vanilla and apples, probably resulting from the many scented candles that Lena likes to light around her apartment. The only light comes from said candles and several Christmas-like light strings that are hanging from the ceiling, giving the place a warm cozy glow. Kara smiles lazily as she leans down to kiss Lena, catching a glimpse of bright emerald eyes melting glimmery before falling shut. She smiles into the kiss. She pulls apart slightly and kisses the tip of Lena’s nose, the raven-haired woman lets out a soft chuckle. Kara grabs her hand, intertwining their fingers, and leads her to the door. Today it’s dinner date day, they are celebrating the successful launch of their joint solar panels project, the best performance ever achieved thanks to a certain Kryptonian’s platinum oxide nanoparticles; and 10 months of full-on dating. As Kara closes the door of Lena’s apartment behind them, the warm smell of the candles fills the hallway and follows them into the elevator, a fluffy plush blanket, a protective mantle surrounding them.

**********

drip…drip… the constant crash of raindrops against the windows surrounding them, rain pouring heavily around them, drowning the usually loud noises of the city’s rush hour, washing away the strong smell of smog. They are tucked under a bus station stop, at least Lena is, Kara is already dripping, since she stubbornly stood outside the small protection the roof offers so Lena and other humas could take cover, she doesn’t get sick anyway. Lena is shivering, although it has been a remarkably hot summer, today was quite a cloudy day and it rained for the most part, resulting in a temperature drop of several degrees. The brunette leans into Kara seeking for her abnormally high body temperature to warm herself up, but the Girl of Steel has other plans, since she cannot fly Lena to their apartment, she might as well take the best out of the situation.

Just as Lena is dropping her full body weight into her, she slides away, pulling Lena’s hand with her, directly into the downpour. Lena gasps when the first heavy drops of the cold water hit her, feeling her clothes get soaked almost instantly, she feels the raindrops roll down her skin and further dampening her clothes, the smell of the rain fully hits her now and when she lifts her eyes from where they were looking at the floor not to trip, she sees Kara smiling her signature megawatt smile at her, completely soaked and intertwining their fingers playfully, so Lena smiles, smiles so hard her dimples show. She lets herself be dragged by Kara, running under the rain, feeling the cold sweeping into her bones, and feeling more whole and filled with happiness than she has in a very long time, if ever.

Kara jumps over a puddle with all the grace of a gazelle, letting go of the CEO’s hand, such displays of her true nature still wonder Lena, just when she is about to make the jump herself, Kara stops and abruptly turns towards her. The world stops. Or maybe she is the one that freezes, the only thing she can hear is the rain pouring heavily around them, and her heart beating erratically in her chest, ringing in her ears, the smell of rain mixes with Kara’s floral perfume, she is getting closer now. The brunette starts shaking, and it has nothing to do with the cold water still running down her body. Kara stands in front of her, soaking wet, dirt all over her jeans from playing in the rain, her hair falls in wet dirty blonde strands around her face, her eyes as baby blue as always are dim because of the raindrops that coat her glasses, and in her soaking hands she’s holding an astonishingly made silver ring, two intertwined silver strings hold one small bright emerald in the middle, the inside of one of the string, in almost unreadably tiny letters reads “You are my hero”. The simplicity of the stone in contrast with the intricate design of the ring.

Lena forgets how to breathe, but Kara understands, so she just waits there, with the most loving smile ever seen stamped on her face. When Lena’s out of body experience ends, she simply nods enthusiastically. And so, the world starts spinning again, the honks of the cars return, engines roaring and muffled conversations, all muted by the rain, washing over them as reality sinks in, they are choosing each other, even when the world has tried to pull them apart repeatedly, furthermore, against each other, for them, none of it matters, just them, here and now, kissing for the first time in hopefully many years to come. Lena lets her hands drape loosely around Kara’s neck, feeling the grounding weight of the ring on her left ring finger, hot against her cold skin, the same way Kara’s hands, which hold her together.

#supergirl #supercorp #fanfic #karlena #kryptonian #i wrote this on a whim #please give me feedback #this is my first fic #be kind

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mirkwoodshewolf · 4 years ago

Text

A new kind of competition RA on the Masked singer pt. 1

*Author’s note*

Hey guys well like I said on my last post, this is the 1st part of my Masked Singer chapter. And let me just tell you after literally MONTHS of trying to figure out a playlist for this chapter I FINALLY came to a good playlist that I could see the Rock Angel doing if she were to compete in the Masked Singer. So follow along and listen to the songs I’ve listed if you really wanna get into the mood of it and I hope you all enjoy this fun little chapter and until next time :)

Taglist:

@bohemiansweede

@plethora-of-things

@waddles03

@psychosupernatural

@ixchel-9275

@simonedk

@queensdivas

@queen-paladin

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels

@queendeakyy

@5sos-wdw

@wormzteef

@geek-and-proud

@starswin

@labessieisallama

@isabella-bby

@naturalswifty89

@ssa-sadboi

@onebigfangirlworld

_________________________________________________________

*February 2021*

This was a whole new game changer for me, but I’m happy I signed up for it. While visiting my son Georgie (through a very brief period when the pandemic was at a standstill, before the States closed down again), I had been asked by the Producers of NBC’s “The Masked Singer” if I’d be willing to participate in the show.

Having seen the show through Youtube videos and even seeing the UK’s version of it back home during our lockdown, I immediately hopped on board and said I would do it. But of course being as secretive as this show was, they forbad me from telling anyone or announcing it on Social media, if I even breathed a word of my appearance on the show to anyone, they’d revoke it and kick me out of the show.

The character that they had chosen for me was the Lioness and boy was she a gorgeous creature. Much like how they had the Lion all the way back in Season one, she was pure gold however she wasn’t covered with armor like the Lion was. I had asked for some flexibility to the outfit cause I wanted to give the audience a side of me that they’ve never seen before. I wanted to be able to move much like Bow-Wow did on the last season of the Masked Singer as the Frog.

They took some of my ideas into consideration on allowing the outfit to have that flexibility for me to dance my heart out. I wore platform high-heeled boots much like I always did back when I first started off as the Rock Angel.

I also wanted to honor Freddie in a way with my outfit. I had asked for the gloves if it could be possible if we could add some diamond claws. I showed them (whatever pictures I could find of the 1974 Rainbow concert. Thank you all for the lovely gifs) just so they could get the idea and when the costume dept. saw it, they fell in love with the idea. They even agreed to shape the diamonds as real lioness claws.

Once the costume was fully complete and I got to put it on for the first time, it felt like I had actually become The Lioness. Of course it came with a price too, I wasn’t allowed to talk to anyone, even when I just had to go around with the mask, I was given the famed DON’T TALK TO ME black hoodie so that no one was able to hear my real voice.

I was also forbidden from talking to the other contestants as well as hear them rehearse until we would begin filming the episodes. I was placed into GROUP B along with creatures such as the Piglet, Black Swan, the Chameleon, and Grandpa Monster. I was also told that there would be some major game changers this season but no one, not even the judges knew just what those changes were, only the Host.

Weeks and weeks of rehearsals and performing each of my songs that I had picked out and wanted to do, never did I think I’d get as far as I did. But I could care less about the trophy, I just enjoy singing and this was a whole new game changer cause now my fans get to see a whole new side of me that they never do get to see on stage with me.

Sure I’ve had courage to go up on stage constantly, overcome every obstacle known to man, hell even stay a sane person after having a rough childhood, but the Lioness has given me courage to do things that I’ve never done before on stage, whether performing with my boys, by myself, or with other singers that I’ve performed/toured with. Back then or present day.

And I hope you all can guess correct just who is beneath the Lioness mask. Enjoy my dears.

*GROUP B PREMIERE EPISODE*

“Alright! Alright! Alright!” the current host of MS5 Niecy Nash said after the last contestant Black Swan performed her opening song. “Now this next contestant is gonna prove that she belongs on this stage. Give it up….for the Queen herself! The Lioness!”

The crowd cheered and I walked out with the Men in Black strutting down with pride in each step. I greeted the audience with the royal wave before standing next to Niecy. Even though I could vaguely see out of this mask, I still had some sense of the stage.

“Oooo girl you are stunning to look at look at this ya’ll ain’t see a Queen or what?!”

“She looks amazing!” I heard Jenny exclaim.

“Yeah I’m jealous look at those claws of hers. I wish I had those.” Nicole stated. I gave them a sexy clawing motion with my hands as they all hooted and hollered.

“I agree with you Nicole. Now let’s find out some clues on just who this Queen Lioness is.” Through the TV, I knew my first clue package would be playing. Here’s out it went down.

You would see a 3 layered rock platform, on smaller rock, one slightly taller in the middle and finally a large boulder that stood tall like a throne with me sitting on top of it.

“Welcome to my Pride. Being the top lioness isn’t always easy but it’s all worth it in the end. Something that I believe the world could benefit from.” The screen would change to me walking along a virtual plain with various animals. “Growing up, we weren’t allowed to really show our true colors as much as we can now. If you were even slightly different from the rest of the world, you were condemned.” A zebra with the LGBTQ patterns for its stripes came up.

“An LGBTQ flag. Could be a member of it.” Pointed out Robin Thicke.

“But it still hurts me to see that even as society begins to change, there are those that still cling to the old ways of life.”

“Maybe a politician. This is a lot of politics going on here.” Nicole stated. The screen changed to me holding the world in the palm of my hands. I crushed the world down.

“I just hope that one day the world will come to understand that we are all One people, one world.” I opened my hands up and soon a rainbow appeared before ending my 1st clue package.

The stage was dark except for one spotlight shining down on me. Well more like half of me, half of my body remained in the shadows while the other half was sparkling under the spotlight as I spoke with my American accent, the voice modulator turning off for my performance.

“We are a nation with multi-graphic boundaries. Bound together through our beliefs. We are like-minded individuals, sharing a common vision. Pushing toward a world rid of color loins.” Already I could see that people were trying to figure out who I was by hearing my real voice, but due to me American accent and natural British accent being two completely different voices, it was throwing people for a loop.

I then did Janet’s famed countdown with my right hand before the song came on full force and I and my backup dancers began to dance the Rhythm Nation dance. ALL in perfect unison.

The crowd went insane and I could even see the judges standing up in shock as well as cheering. I strutted towards the mic stand at the corner of the stage and began to sing. My natural alto range came forth and I could see the audience singing along and even do some of the dance moves to the song, especially once the chorus hit.

I strutted across the stage before I would rejoin and lead the pride that was my dancers in the famed dance, before strutting forward on the stage, coaxing the audience to cry the chorus out loudly.

*Me*

With music by our side To break the color lines Let's work together To improve our way of life Join voices in protest To social injustice A generation full of courage Come forth with me

People of the world today Are we looking for a better way of life We are a part of the rhythm nation People of the world unite Strength in numbers we can get it right One time (Sing it up!) We are a part of the rhythm nation

My backup dancers and I then did probably the most difficult dance break that Janet had set for all dancers to perform in perfect unison.

“She’s has got this dance DOWN!!” exclaimed Nicole.

“This has to be a natural singer!” Jenny told Robin who agreed.

“No question!”

*Me*

Rhythm Nation baby!

Sing it for the children Sing it for the people

Rhythm Nation baby

Sing it for the man!

We are a part of a Rhythm Nation!

My dancers and I saluted and the crowd went absolutely berserk from my first number.

“Yaas Queen!” I heard Niecy exclaim as she came up to me. “Lioness all up here slaying it!” I gave a graceful bow (as low as I could go without the mask falling off) and she said. “Judges what did you all think of our lovely Lioness’s performance.”

“Niecy you don’t need to say anything else cause you summed it up! I think we are in the presence of a true performer here.” Nicole first started off.

“Agreed. Never did we see someone actually have the guts to pull off—probably one of the hardest choreography dances ever!” Jenny agreed.

“Alright judges now you know the drill. It’s time to put your first impression guesses into the tour bus.” I could see some of them complaining as they wrote down their guesses on who I was as the little tour bus came through to collect their First Impression guesses. “Now then, do any of you have any clues on just who this Queen of the Beasts could be, let’s start with you Mr. Robin.”

“Wha Me? Oh man….” The rest of the panel laughed at his misery while I mimed a laugh by putting my hand to my opened mouth mask. “I mean—this could literally be anyone but based off the clue package she spoke a lot about the world and people around it. So this definitely isn’t someone who is recently famous. She’s been around for a while.”

“Whatcha trying to say Robin that she’s old?” Niecy defended me as I got into a fighting position.

“Oh Robin you’re about to get mauled by the Lioness!” Ken teased him.

“No, no, no, no! Not insinuating anything!”

“Cause you know you never insult a woman’s age there Robin Thicke!” Niecy exclaimed.

“Tell him mommy!” Ken cheered.

“Sit down Kenneth!”

“Yes ma’am.” He said as he sat down on his chair.

“Where I was going with this is that maybe she came from an era where it wasn’t okay to bring about your sexuality or gender.”

“True, true.” Nicole agreed with him.

“And seeing the LGBTQ pattern on the zebra, I’m thinking this might be Shea Diamond.”

“Okay, okay not a bad guess.”

“I’m afraid I’m gonna have to disagree with you there Robin. I’ve listened to Shea Diamond sing and that’s not her.” Ken said.

“Then who do you think it is Ken?” asked Nicole.

“Okay I know exactly who this is.” Oh god here we go. “Okay from the clue package alone there was obviously the LGBTQ brand with the Zebra. Maybe she’s an advocate for the LGBTQ community. I’m going with Lady Gaga!”

Okay not a bad guess but it’s not her. I could see some of the audience pondering Ken Jong’s rare, good guesses.

“Well Lioness whoever you are, you are a star.” Jenny stated as she pointed at me. I blew her a kiss and Niecy said.

“Now Lioness before we go, I have to ask you. How long did it take you to do that dance?” I put the mic up to the thinnest part of my mask and answered with my voice modulator now on, making me sound like a warm, motherly Chipette.

“It took months actually, but I’m a fast learner when it comes to dancing.” I hinted that little clue and only my super fans would realize that I love to dance, especially when it was with my Brother Mine back in the day.

“Okay. Well give it up one more time for the Lioness!” the crowd applauded and I waved goodbye before walking off the stage.

After all the performances of Group B went, we all lined up and found out just who among us was going home for the first round in our group. It was suspenseful but the votes were in and Grandpa Monster was the one to be eliminated from the first round.

I was safe for now. I just hope I can keep going on and maybe go all the way.

*ROUND 2*

It was now Round 2 and I was going to perform after the Chameleon. I heard him do the song “21 Questions” by 50 Cent ft. Nate Dogg. I’ll admit he was an impressive performance, especially with how he can rap so my best guess is that he could be a rapper. Unfortunately, I’m not quite educated in my rappers (plus one rapper in particular still gives me a bad vibe after what he did) so I wouldn’t know who to begin guessing if I were an audience member.

After going to a commercial break it was now time for me to perform my second song choice that both me and the Producers thought would be a good fit for me.

“This Queen last time she crushed it with Janet’s Rhythm Nations, and now she’s back to hopefully crush it once more. Let’s dig up some more clues on the Lioness.”

The next clue package stood as followed:

“I’ll admit, 1st round I was terrified. Never have I done something like this before. But once I got up on stage, I overcame that fear and just sang. In fact, it was music that helped me overcome my shyness.” I told the camera.

I opened up a closet and inside it was my Red Special guitar, a pair of drum sticks and a Fender Bass guitar (the one that Deacy always played with).

“Growing up I had very low self-esteem. I was shy, insecure, and thought I’d never amount to anything.”

“Aww that’s so sad.” Nicole awed. “Don’t worry I’ve been there too honey.”

“But when I found music, it changed my life. I would become a whole different person everytime I played an instrument. Or just sang to myself.” I picked up the Bass guitar and strummed it. “I especially loved the Rock and Roll artists growing up. Just seeing them perform live, gave me the confidence I needed to one day reach a dream of becoming a Rockstar myself. And low and behold it came true.”

I was now performing on stage with the Men in Black surrounding me pretending to be crazy fans holding up signs with hearts and I love you Lioness.

“So I’m here to say that if you feel like you’re alone out there in the world, or feel like it’s against you. Just listen and jam out to some of your fav tunes. Because in them, Life creates a new path for you.” I did a wind-mill and my mask gave a gleam at the right eye, symbolizing a wink.

The lights were dark and I took a deep breath in before exhaling out. Soon the guitar strum of “Eye of the Tiger” came on before I threw my fist in the air with each punch the guitar gave, while fire spurted from the stage.

The crowd cheered as Survivor’s most popular song came through the speakers and I went up to the mic stand and sung my heart out. I changed a word or two just to make it fit more towards me but it didn’t take away the effect my song had on the audience.

The backup band was jamming out to the song with one lioness on the guitar and a male lion at the drums and another male one on the bass. I belted out the last note

*Me*

Rising up, back on the street Did my time, took my chances Went the distance, now I'm back on my feet Just a girl and her will to survive

So many times it happens too fast You trade your passion for glory Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past You must fight just to keep them alive

It's the eye of the tiger It's the thrill of the fight Rising up to the challenge of our rival And the last known survivor Stalks her prey in the night And she's watching us all with the eye

Of the Tiger

The eye of the tiger The eye of the tiger The eye of the Lioness

At the very last explosion of fireworks and fire, I punched my hand in the air and the crowd cheered.

“YASSS LIONESS!!!” I could hear Nicole cheering from the panel booth as she pointed at me. Ken Jong, Jenny and Robin all bowed before my performance as Niecy came back up and she said.

“And the Queen slays us AGAIN!!” I bowed before her and took her hand and pressed it to my open mouth giving her a ‘kiss’. “Oh and I’m getting a royal kiss from the Queen herself!”

“Lucky mommy!” Ken proclaimed.

“Sit your butt down son! Panel, what did you think of that song?”

“Lioness, you took us to a real rock concert. I mean the fire, the electric guitar. And I think I even saw you doing a little air guitar in there somewhere!” Jenny said. I shrugged guiltily. Yeah I did do a little air guitar, come on I know you all do it too! “But that was a killer performance!” I bowed my head in gratitude.

“What made you choose that song in particular?” Niecy asked me.

“It’s always a good rock anthem. You can just let yourself loose and not have a care in the world. And it really got me through my 1st year of being who I am today.” That got the panelists attention.

“Alright so we went through your personal journal and found out just who exactly your childhood crush was. Men in Black! Bring out the 1st crush clue!” Niecy announced as two of the men in Black came out with a large flat platform with a sheet over it. “I’m excited to see just who it is you had a crush on. Now let’s see who it is…..”

Niecy took off the sheet and it revealed the late great Prince.

“It’s Prince!” exclaimed Nicole.

“Okay! Okay I see you Lioness! Little chocolate love there.” I laughed and said into my microphone.

“First thing I always notice about a man are his eyes. And growing up, Prince stole my heart with those eyes.”

“You sure it wasn’t also his dance moves?” Niecy asked me with a ‘for real’ look.

“Mm that too.” Everyone laughed before Niecy asked the judges.

“Okay so any guesses panel on just who this could be? Let’s start with you Jenny.”

“Oh my god why!?” we all laughed. “Okay going off by the tonality of your voice. You are truly a Rock star under there, there’s no way you could be a Pop artists or rapper under there. And my guess in Pink.”

A very good guess. In fact when Pink came on the music scene, everyone thought she was trying to copy my voice but she’s a total talented artist on her own. That’s all her voice, and I’m proud to have not only mentored her, but become her very dearest friend and confidant.

“Yeah it does kinda sound like Pink. But the clues didn’t really point out to her.” Nicole said.

“What you thinking Scherzinger?” Niecy asked.

“Okay so we saw LGBTQ last time but I also took notice of the instruments that were in this week’s clue package. The red guitar specifically.” Oh shit she’s got it. “And I remember seeing this performer on my 12th birthday. I’m going with the Rock Angel (Y/n) Kline.”

“Ooo okay. Not a bad guess Nicole.”

“Yeah it could be the Rock Angel but it’s not!” Ken bluntly said.

“Oh god here we go again.” Jenny said as she flopped against her chair.

“In the clue package we did see the guitars and the drumsticks. And Sticks rhymes with what? Nicks. Stevie Nicks welcome to the Masked Singer!” Oh god Ken.

No way could I ever be compare to Stevie Nicks! She’s way above me and no way could I ever be better than her or do her vocal ranges like she can do.

“Ken I swear I’m about to hit you in the head with this pen.” Nicole said.

“Alright, alright, alright calm down up there. Look no matter who is under here, let’s agree that the Lioness gave yet another rockin performance. Give it up for the Lioness everybody!” I walked backstage.

“The panel has given some good guesses. But there’s gonna be surprised to see just who I am. And—”

On your screens it would’ve staticed up and there on screen is the infamous Rooster with clues, Cluedle-Doo. The rooster that’s been helping the viewers at home guess just who is under each mask, while also trying to get people to guess who he is.

“So sorry Lioness but I’m here to give the audience a little bit more than you’re letting on. Don’t let her voice fool you for she’s a Lioness that lives……across the pond.” His deep voice spoke to the camera as he walked over to his map with a pushpin pointed right at England.

“Hold on what was that? Something fishy is going on around here, and I’m gonna find out what.” I told the camera as I waved my fist.

A couple more performances later as well as the reveal of our group’s Wildcard, The Crab and it was time to reveal who was going to be unmasked. I almost feared that I was gonna be the one to go home since Nicole had said my name and the fans would demand that I be unmasked.

But when Niecy read out that the Crab was gonna have to be unmasked I sighed with relief but I was also sad for the crab. He actually performed well tonight and I wanted to see just how far he was gonna go. As me and the rest of the group that was safe headed back to our rooms, I kept thinking to myself just how was I gonna make it through without making my voice sound too obvious.

*ROUND 3*

Okay. This round is sure to throw them off my scent this time. This is a song I’d never thought I’d do but it’s the only way to keep me going to the next round and not risk getting unmasked.

“Her last two performances have been killer! Now it’s time to see what else she’s got up her paws. Release, the Lioness!” Niecy announced.

The LIONESS; THE CLUES.

I was staring into my reflection at a watering hole.

“This has been a wild ride for me. Most fun I’ve ever had in years.” The letters MSG flashed on the screen written within the mud.

“MSG? Madison Square Garden?” asked Ken.

“But I’m here to show that I truly belong here and deserve a shot to go the Distance.”

“Go the Distance. Isn’t that a song from a Disney film?” asked Robin.

“Yeah Hercules. Could she be in an adaptation of Hercules?” Jenny said.

“So for this next performance, I’m gonna do a song I’ve never done before, and hopefully that will keep me in with the pride and out of the spotlight for just a little while longer.”

I stood there with the spotlight on me, the mic stand right in front of me as Miley Cyrus’s song “Wrecking Ball” came on. The last time this song had been used on this show was way back during Season 1 with Mrs. Gladys Knight. And she did a phenomenal job with her rendition of the song. However I had a little something extra up my sleeve.

I started off with a smooth, ballad like tone for the opening using my hands and arms to give forth a more deeper emotion as I sang the song. Before I finally unleashed the fire within me.

Like Freddie always did back in the day when Queen first started off, I tore the mic stand off the rest of it and fell into the passion of the chorus using the mic-stand like a sledgehammer when I could. I could see everyone lip-syncing the chorus and even the judges were singing along to the song.

I went back to my ballad like tone as I was kneeling on the ground looking up towards the heavens before standing back up and slowly walked towards the back of the stage as the lights dimmed down to only a spotlight on me.

When the 2nd chorus came back on, I pulled out my big surprise. When the lights came fully on, a makeshift Wrecking ball stood in the middle of the stage. In order for me to fully be on it with this costume, the Wrecking ball was built around a swing-set and was hidden within the walls of the Wrecking ball, but I could stick my feet through a curtain that would give the illusion of me actually being on a Wrecking Ball (much like Miley was).

Everyone in the audience was losing their minds, I even saw Nicole getting really into the song as she would raise and circle her arms in the air. I kept swinging back and forth as I continued to sing until my final note.

*Me*

We clawed, we chained, our hearts in vain We jumped, never asking why We kissed, I fell under your spell A love no one could deny

Don't you ever say I just walked away I will always want you

I came in like a wrecking ball I never hit so hard in love All I wanted was to break your walls All you ever did was wreck me Yeah, you, you wreck me

I never meant to start a war I just wanted you to let me in And instead of using force I guess I should've let you win I never meant to start a war I just wanted you to let me in I guess I should've let you win

Don't you ever say I just walked away I will always want you

I came in like a wrecking ball I never hit so hard in love All I wanted was to break your walls All you ever did was wreck me

I came in like a wrecking ball Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swung Left me crashing in a blazing fall All you ever did was wreck me Yeah, you, you wreck me

Yeah, you, you wreck me

This was probably my best performance of this entire competition. No way was the audience gonna unmask me yet. I got off of my makeshift Wrecking Ball and Niecy came up bowing before me.

“OH MY GOD!!!” Nicole and Jenny both exclaimed.

“The Queen remains on top!” at that point the crowd began cheering my character in a rhythm clap.

“LI-ON-ESS! LI-ON-ESS! LI-ON-ESS!!!” I coaxed them to keep chanting with my hands, going in time with their claps.

“Pardon my language but that performance definitely had balls.” Niecy said which made all of us laugh.

“This is definitely the first time in Masked Singer history that someone was even able to do that with costumes like these.” Robin said.

“Lioness tell us how do you feel after that performance?” asked Niecy.

“Tired.” That got a good laugh out of the audience and the panel. “But it’s all worth it cause it’s either go big or go home. And I definitely do not wanna go home just yet.”

“Well we definitely don’t want you to go Superstar.” Jenny told me. I gave her a heart shape ‘I Love you’ with my hand and pointed at her and she accepted it and sent one back to me.

“So any clues that you guys might’ve picked up on?”

“I’ll start off.” Ken said.

“Oh boy, here we go.” Robin said as Nicole laughed and I placed my hands on my hips. This outta be good Dr. Ken.

“Okay so in this clue package we saw the acronym MSG. What’s that stand for? Madison. Square. Garden. This actress was born in Manhattan, NY. She can sing because she played a Porcupine in a film this my friends is none other than Black Widow herself, SCARLETT JOHANSSON!!”

“No! No way that’s Scarlett!” exclaimed Jenny.

“Have you seen the movie Sing? That’s totally her voice!”

“No it’s not!” Jenny argued back.

“Maybe not but Lioness might be connected to Scarlett in a way.”

“What you got cooking in that brain of yours Mr. Robin Thicke?” Niecy asked him.

“Well going through the clue package we saw the LGBTQ obviously, she is known for speaking up for the community especially since a few friends of hers are a part of that community. I’m gonna go with Nicole and say this is the Rock Angel.”

“Okay. Okay not a bad guess.”

“Just hearing the voice alone it just makes me think of her.”

“Yeah but the Rock Angel wouldn’t be able to do what Lioness did.” Jenny tried to argue.

Oh she don’t know me very well, does she? I’ve got some moves in these old bones Jenny.

“Well whoever is under that mask. This was definitely your best performance not only for you but for the show itself. I don’t think we’ll ever have a number quite like that again.” Nicole said.

“I agree girlfriend. Alright Lioness, you head on backstage and rest up. You’ve earned it honey.” I waved to the audience and left to go backstage.

“That was probably the—toughest performance of my life. With or without the costume.” I laughed. “But I gave it my all and win or lose, I’m glad I did this show.”

After the elimination of the newest Wildcard the Bulldog. Which wasn’t according to the votes, but by Niecy’s own will, Bulldog was revealed to be none other than Nick Cannon. Who had returned to host the show after recovering from his COVID scare.

It was a huge surprise to see him back and actually competing in the show. Although he wished he could’ve gone onward with the show but he was just happy to be back with the judges and to see us progress onward into the final few rounds.

After that filming, I was in my trailer resting after that performance, having the fan on full blast to try and take away my sweat, I phone rang and I saw Brian’s handsome, wrinkly face pop up on the screen.

“Hey Bri what’s up?”

‘Oh nothing much really. Just been……fiddling around with Red Special, keeping Anita company, and above all trying not to lose our minds over the lockdown.’

“I hear yah. America’s really been trying to tighten the leash on restrictions. But of course stubborn Americans, especially Trump supporters are still denying this pandemic and refusing to wear their face masks.”

‘Right up arseholes I tell yah. This isn’t some conspiracy thing. It’s real life.’

“I know Brian. But let’s change the subject before you go off on an angry rant and have another heart attack.”

‘You’re right, you’re right sorry. The reason I called was because I want you to clarify something for me.’

“Clarify what?”

‘Well. I don’t know if you’ve seen my Instagram lately. But our followers are telling me that I should ask you if you’re a part of a show called the Masked Singer?’

“The Masked Singer? Which version? Cause you know we’ve recently got one too now.”

‘They’re saying that you could be the Lioness on the American version. Is it true?’

“Bri. Come on. I’m in lockdown with my son during a pandemic, I run on the high risk factor due to my recent high blood pressure. Why would I do a show like that?”

‘They’re pretty adamant about it. So come on (n/n). Tell me the truth.’

“No Brian Harold May. I am not the Lioness. Besides even if I were, it’d be too obvious. Everyone knows I’m Roger’s lion cub. If I were to choose a creature, I’d be a griffin or White-wolf.”

‘Okay. If you say so. Stay safe out there love.’

“You too Bri. Hopefully, America can get their shit together so that I can fly back home soon. I miss you and Rog and Jack. How are they by the way?”

‘Well that husband of yours is still working hard to preserve the peace in London. Hardly any serious criminal activity, just rotter’s not wanting to wear their face masks inside local buildings. Rog is good, he’s been posting up a lot more on his Instagram lately. Been asking about you and worried sick over you.’

“Some things never change. Alright Bri well I know it’s pretty late over there, so get some sleep. You’ve probably never slept in this late in so long your body must be aching for it.”

‘Yeah I suppose your right. Have a good night love. Love you.’

“I love you too Bri. Bye.” He said goodbye and I hung up on him. “Bloody hell that was close. Thank god he didn’t hit facetime, otherwise he would’ve been suspicious.”

*ROUND 4*

Now it was time to change things up with this weeks performance. I’ve been giving out killer hard-rock/pop songs but now it was time to allow the audience to just solely focus on my vocals alone. Plus this performance was in dedication to a very special someone.

“Now here to wow us once again and seeing if we can dig up more clues on her identity. Here’s the Lioness.” Nick Cannon announced.

THE CLUE PACKAGE. THE LIONESS

“Being on this show has really meant a lot to me.” The screen showed my last performance as well as my 1st performance. “But now I’m gonna take things back and really allow you guys to get to know me.”

I was in my ‘house’ writing at my desk a letter. And on the laptop it said a number code. 149121.

“Oh wow a number code. 149121.” Jenny said.

“Throughout my career I’ve met a lot of great people. But unfortunately I’ve had to say goodbye to some of them, some gone far too soon. Others for other personal reasons.”

“So she’s lost someone. Maybe a partner.”

“This one person in particular even though he’s still around physically, I had no choice but to let him go. We practically did everything together. But I understood why he did what he did, and I never pressured him to come back to the spotlight.” I touched a shadow figure of a male lion. “So this performance is for my brother. And I hope he’s living out a happy life doing whatever it is he wants to. I will always love you forever, my Brother Mine.”

It was just me up there with the spotlight down on me. I took a deep breath in before softly exhaling. This one’s for you Deacy. I opened my mouth and sung my next song, “I will always love you” by Whitney Houston.

The audience was in tranced by voice alone, some of them pressing their hands to their hearts and I could swear I saw some of the judges already starting to cry. When the bridge came up, I thought back to all the memories Deacy and I had together.

Playing the bass, me sitting the Deaklings when they were little babies, us always dancing together at the after parties (after some liquid courage). To the big moments whenever the two of us were on stage together and we’d interact with each other.

Him doing his “Disco moves” on stage during our sets, or how during the medley’s during the “Kind of Magic tour” we’d be the ones to stand together as he played his bass and I would have my acoustic guitar or tambourine on me. Remembering his happy smile, the way his eyes wrinkled whenever he’d smile that adorable, gapped tooth smile of his.

*Me*

If I should stay, I would only be in your way

So I'll go, but I know

I'll think of you every step of the way

And I will always love you

I will always love you

I hope life treats you kind

And I hope you have all you've dreamed of

And I wish to you joy and happiness

But above all this, I wish you love

Finally I unleashed the power that my voice had gained throughout the years. As the lights danced about with the beat of the song as well as my voice, the audience cheered as I belted out that famed last bit of the chorus. Some were in tears while others were just in awe. Ken and Nicole were dabbing their eyes trying to rid of their tears while Jenny and Robin were just shaking their heads in pure awe.

I don’t know if you’ll ever see this Brother Mine, but if you do, know that this performance is for you. I hope you’re happy, safe, and healthy. Both physically and mentally.

*Me*

And I will always love you

I will always love you

I will always

Love you

I will always love you

I, I will always

Love you

You, darling, I love you

Ooh, I'll always,

I'll always love you

I held out the last note as I slowly extended my arms before finally ending the song. The audience cheered and applauded for another killer performance.

“Unbelievable! The lioness really pulling the heartstrings now!” Nick said as he came up and stood beside me. “You even had me going there for a second there Lioness.” I gave him a comforting pat on the shoulder.

“Oh my god Lioness, let me just say. Your last few performances you were slaying and killing it with hardcore dancing, rock and roll and semi-aerial stuff. But this week……we truly got to see your voice. And that—rawness it just……you have me in tears.” Nicole said as she continued to wipe away her tears.

“I agree with Nicole.” Robin said. I gave them a bow of my head. “It’s—it’s really rare when we see female artists do such songs on this stage. Especially one as difficult as that song in particular. But you were the perfect voice to sing that song.”

“Thank you Robin.”

“Now it’s time to find out just what is inside the Mind of our Lioness. If you would just quickly step on over to our mind-reader. We would like to see just what’s within your Lioness brain.” I walked over to the machine that was gonna give an extra clue as to who I was. “Scanning, scanning, scanning and it is…..a Police badge.”

I stepped out from the machine and walked back towards Nick.

“Do we have another Jackson family member on our hands?” asked Ken. I remember thinking back to La Toya Jackson who was “the Alien”.

“Unlike Ms. Jackson I’m not a police officer. But I am directly involved with them.” The audience ooed.

“That give you any guesses panel?” Nick asked.

“Not a single one.” Jenny shook her head which made us laugh.

“Indirectly involved with the police. I mean does that mean she’s an informant? Reality star maybe?” Ken suggested.

“Maybe she played one on TV. Maybe it’s Priyanka Chopra.” Robin added.

“Yeah cause of her role in Quantico.” Nicole agreed.

“No guys I don’t think it’s Priyanka. It really doesn’t sound like her. Lioness has a more richer tone than she does.”

“Well we’re stumped!” Ken said as he sat down on his chair throwing his hands up in surrender.

“Oh now don’t give up son!”

“I can’t do it daddy! Just take off the mask and show us who you are Lioness!” Ken demanded but I shook my head and placed my index finger over my masked lips in shush.

“She knows the drill. Well you wowed us with your vocals, go on and head backstage. Give it up one more time for her royal highness the Lioness everybody.”

“That performance……really took a lot out of me. I was even crying at one point under the mask. But I hope I secured a spot for the Super 8.” As I take my leave, the infamous Cluedle-Doo shows up and he tells the camera.

“Another infamous secret you might want to know about the Lioness here is that she also has ties in with space. Look at these stars, does it give you any hints? Because 2 people she cares about study it.”

“Oh it’s you! Come back you yah cocky Rooster! I’m really gonna turn you into fried chicken now!” I exclaimed as I chased after the Rooster whose been trying to give away more secrets about me. He gobbled out in laughter as he ran away.

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ackermans-freedom-inc · 4 years ago

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Hold On

A/N: OK SO @levishoe-eeeee tagged me in a post they made about Levi: “I wanted to make it into an angst request cause I originally had the idea that the reader either died or injured themselves while protecting the s/o and Levi finding out that they loved him.” I changed it a tiny bit, hope thats ok!

Hold On - ANGST, death mention, blood mention

“Look after you sister.” Your mother’s voice still echoed in your mind after all this time. You remembered the day she left you, the rain had passed, and a sliver of sunshine fought its way out from behind the clouds to reflect off the tears that were dripping from your face. You held Ellie’s hand in your own, your little sister barely understanding what had happened. Despite the 12 months that separated the two of you, you sometimes felt you were a decade older. You took on all her troubles, raised her, looked after her. If you had two pieces of bread, you would give her both.

There was nothing you wouldn’t do for her.

That is, until the two of you joined the Survey Corps. For the first time in your life, you had something you wanted. Someone you wanted. But Ellie wanted him too. So you held your tongue, letting her have her way. Levi was the same age as you, but you held your tongue. Ellie had many suitors, her personality the opposite of yours, her twinkling laughter and outgoing nature making her a popular cadet. You only had eyes for him, but you held your tongue.

You would meet his eye occasionally and feel your heart flutter in your chest. You buried your feelings, choosing instead filling the pages of your notebook with your thoughts. Poems, doodles, stories, ramblings. Page after page of your feelings, never once mentioning him by name. You had to look after Ellie.

When you both joined his squad, it got harder to juggle your feelings and responsibilities. You would take on some of Ellie’s tasks, letting her off the hook when she threw her gear in the corner, blades neglected. You would double check her horse was safely in the stables, shaking your head when she forgot to muck out his stall yet again. You didn’t mind. After all, you had to look after Ellie.

It was you who would volunteer to do rounds with Levi, leaving your sister to catch up on her sleep as you dragged your body through task after task, working alongside him as you scrubbed each wooden panel of the mess hall floor.

You would comfort Ellie when she cried over Levi, tears streaming down her face when he was too busy with paperwork to go to the village with her. You would hold her, patting her on the head as she fell asleep, hiccups morphing into soft snores. Only after she was asleep would you knock on his door, apologizing for your sister’s actions before accepting a cup of tea as you sat in the silence, him with his papers and you with your thoughts.

It was a rainy day when it happened. A sliver of sun had fought its way out from behind the clouds, and this time, the light reflected off the tears that shone in Ellie’s eyes as your chest rose and fell shallowly in Levi’s arms.

Your mother’s last instructions to you were all you heard as you veered your horse out of formation, racing against time to help Ellie. Levi was close behind. He was running to save his girlfriend. But you were running to save your sister.

Her smile was all you thought of as you slashed at the titans that surrounded your baby sister. Her eyes were all you saw as you struggled in the hold of the Abnormal that gripped you tight, your ribs slowly giving in, blood spurting from your mouth as dark spots filled the perimeter of your vision. With your last lungful of air, you sent Ellie off, yelling for her to get on your horse and run.

You closed your eyes, but your death between those grotesque fists didn’t come. You felt yourself falling, but instead of the cold ground, you fell into him. Your eyes fluttered open as your heart thumped uselessly in your mangled body.

You were finally in his arms, his eyes finally looking at you and only you. You reached a hand to touch his cheek, his own hand coming down to help you.

“Hey, hey, look at me. Hold on for me Y/N.” he begged; eyes wide as he tried to stop the bleeding. “Hold on.”

Despite his words, your wheezing breaths and the amount of blood seeping through the green of your uniform told him all he needed to know. There was nothing anyone could do for you. He wanted to scold you. Scream at you for being so careless. But he understood. There was nothing you wouldn’t do for Ellie. Nothing.

You coughed, and quickly retracted your hand from his cheek in an attempt to shield him from the splattering blood. His heart felt heavy in his chest. You were so thoughtful, even in your current state.

When you reached for him again, you were pressing a notebook to his chest. Your notebook. His face was all you saw as your body started to feel weightless. The darkness in your vision was fading…no…it was your vision that was fading. You took another shuddery breath, shivering despite being in his warm embrace. You left him your final thoughts as you felt your heart stop beating, finally free from the pain. “I love you Levi. Look after Ellie for me.”

Levi let himself and Ellie drift apart, the pain of losing a sister and squad member taking its toll. They held each other as squad mates rather than lovers, your sacrifice leaving a deeper void than either of them could handle. Levi had been furious the first couple of nights. What the hell were you doing, telling him such a thing. What the hell were you thinking, hiding it from him for so long. With shaking fingers, he had flipped through the pages of your notebook, reading your words in your neat script. The more he read, the more he understood. The more he understood, the worse he felt.

You gave up everything for your sister. Your love for her was unconditional, as were your feelings for him. Unable to read any more, he put the book at the bottom of his locked drawers, burying it as deep as his guilt. As his key clicked in the lock, he looked out the window towards the setting sun.

“I’ll look after Ellie for you Y/N. Don’t you worry.”

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extremelyblackandwhite · 4 years ago

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heiress - 5

pairing: bucky barnes x reader

a/n: more parallels between wanda and reader plus hayward being a bitch to reader. also pierce did not die during the winter soldier events in this universe. at this point this is called wanda and y/n collectively grieving over her how shitty their lives are.

previous chapter

The young woman held a small gun in her left hand, shooting the target at least 10 metres away from her with a mechanical precision, switching it to her right hand and achieving the same type of perfection and precision not even senior agents had. Yet, there she was, one of the newest SWORD recruits. Many people had opposed for her to join SWORD straight after escaping from HYDRA and the Red Room; however, Tyler Hayward had forced for her to become a new recruit. “Having Alexander Pierce’s daughter in our team will be an asset” he said and it somehow convinced all of SWORDs panel to take her in. She had nowhere to go after all, the Red Room will be after her in no time and she had no way to defend herself alone and so SWORD was her only option. An option she thrived under, being much more advanced than any junior recruit yet it was a far cry from what she wanted. She didn’t want to be an agent but that’s what she was, what she had been trained to do.

The trainer slowly blinked walking up to her and giving her a congratulatory pat on the shoulder which everyone could sense was filled of jealousy. She was thrown to the back of the line with someone else who also inspired jealousy in most recruits. Monica Rambeau, daughter of Maria Rambeau, the current SWORD director. They had never spoken too much other than orientation day where they introduced each other by their agent number.

- That was the coolest thing I’ve seen today. - she hide a childish smile as the next recruit started his training. - I’m Monica.

- Y/N. - she smiled and shook her hand. - Is it always like this?

- Most of time yeah. The trainers are dicks about it when you’re better than them.

- Men. - Y/N rolled her eyes, getting an understanding nod from Monica.

- Excuse me? - Tyler Hayward entered the trainee room, always dressed in a polished suit as if that would be of any worth in a fighting situation. - I’m sorry for disturbing but I need Ms. Y/N Pierce to accompany me.

Y/N Pierce. She always hated that name, even more than her code name. The mere thought that she had that last name, the name of one of the leaders of SHIELD was almost like a cruel curse on her. Everyone seemed to think of him as this all around saint yet she knew better; after all, if he had no reservations about submitting his daughter as a project and asset then he would have no reservation in hurting anyone else. SWORD had done their best to keep her existence a secret, not really allowing the connection to pass through but she knew he was looking for her and if he wasn’t the Red Room and HYDRA definitely were.

She shared a confused look with Monica before stepping towards Hayward who led her away from the room and into the hall. He didn’t stop to explain to her why she had been summoned, instead he just kept on walking and she took the lead to follow him, entering a blackened window filled hall. They stopped in front of a window which gave way into an autopsy scene. Y/N was used to seeing death, some would say she was born surrounding it; however, she was not prepared to see what was being shown to her. It was almost as if she were sleeping, her mother. Laid across the metal table with various doctors surrounding her, the HYDRA symbol branded onto her foot. She looked over to the side, hand over her mouth as she felt sick just to see it.

- Our intelligence believes HYDRA is trying to send a message and we don’t believe they won’t stop anytime soon.

- Was it fast? Did she suffer?

- Gunshot to the head. Quite merciful, really.

- Why are you showing me this?

- Well, HYDRA experimented on you but there is the possibility your “enhancements” might be genetic.

- What is that supposed to mean? Why did you really brought me here, Hayward?

- We need the next of kin’s permission to perform an autopsy and it seems that would be you, following your mother’s will.

- No. - she stepped back. - You’re not gonna tear my mother apart for a stupid hypothesis. No. You don’t have my permission

- We’re being kind enough to hide you from your father for no specific reason. You either accept it or we’ll be forced to hand you to SHIELD.

The night air was crisp and sharp as he sat on the swing next to hers. She hadn’t changed much other than her hair which was much longer but her face was still unblemished by the tragic unkindness of the world. After all it had been about 5 years since he last saw her and he hated the fact he had forgotten her. Somewhere, deep within himself he knew her mark was still there; he could still hear her voice in his dreams but he always chucked it to his mind crumbling under the pressure it had been under for so many years. Nevertheless, he had heard her voice plenty times, specially in Bucharest. It had haunted him from nights and nights on end; “Promise?” “Yes”, turns out it wasn’t someone he had killed but someone he had forgotten. Her of all people. It had come back all to him after that woman gave him the file. Her name alone, her lips telling him her name. He remember telling himself he would not forget him as they prepared him to go back in the blender and he did. He forgot about her but looking at her everything came back to him; the good and the bad. But the most of it was he remembered loving her, he still did, a feeling that had been dormant for a long while and suddenly awoke in him. Of course Bucky did not expect her to love him back, he didn’t blame her either. She was a good kid, too good even.

- Uhm ... are you enjoying it here? - she motioned her hands abstractly. - In the hex, I mean.

- It’s better than in hideouts with Sam and Sharon. - he chuckled dryly, looking up at the transparent yet red tinted dome. - I don’t mean to sound ungrateful. Sam is great, despite everything and Sharon ... Sharon has helped me so much, I owe her that.

- Oh ... - her heart dropped to her stomach as an ugly feeling took over her. Sure, Wanda would say it’s jealousy but she refused to admit it.

- What about you? I never really asked what you did after ... you know, IT.

- You can say the name. - she smiled at him yet it was voidless of any emotion, as if she were used to people tip toeing around the subject which they always did. - I became a junior recruit for SWORD until the blip then ... I was gone for a while but it didn’t hurt. It was almost like I was finally at peace and then I woke up and Hayward was director. He sent me and Monica to investigate the hex Wanda created, mostly to keep his own project a bay. Then we all ran off, got classified as fugitives. The rest is really not important.

- I don’t really think I need to tell you what I’ve been up to.

- You don’t ... most of it it’s my fault, anyway. - she got up from the swing once she noticed a purple light a few miles away from the limits of the hex. The back of her eyes started growing instinctively white. Bucky got up as he recognised her fighting stance, a hand safely placed upon her shoulder. - Go grab Wanda.

- Y/N ...

- Go grab her, now. - she stood there watching the purple light almost call out for her. Bucky chose to do what she said, the white mist involving around her fingers as she stepped towards the hex, fingers barely touching the wall.

Bucky rushed inside the building, hoping to reach Wanda before Y/N could do anything irrational. However, before he could find the newly named Scarlet Witch, she found him with one of her twins behind her waist. Her eyes were glowing red, almost similar to those Y/N had except those eyes looked desperate, worried even.

- Where is she? - she asked him with an ice like directness. - Where is she, Barnes?

- Outside. She told me to come get you.

Wanda rushed past him with a speed that he had never seen before and he only followed after her. The two stepped outside the building, towards the swing tree where Bucky had left Y/N, except, she wasn’t there anymore. No, he couldn’t lose her. Not again. Vision came after the two followed by Yelena and Monica who had been awakened by the twins; however, Wanda did not need their help. She approached the hex, just missing the purple glow as it entered the woods. Bucky tried to step up but Vision pushed him back.

- Y/N? - Wanda broke through the hex, shutting Bucky out as well as Vision. It was night time, dark and cold surrounded by the woods of the place they had chosen to hide from the world. Breaking dawn was so far away and even the tallest individual would’ve melted into the dark night. - Y/N!

- Are we not going to help them? - Bucky questioned back inside the hex, probably the most awake apart from the synthezoid and the former Red Room graduate.

- It’s a witch thing. - Yelena smirked before springing into action. - We should activate the hex’s protective system in case something happens.

- What about them? - Bucky once again interrupted, not receiving particularly kind looks from Yelena.

- They’ll be fine, Mr. Barnes.

Y/N on the other hand walked further into the confused and dark woods, holding her small trusted silver revolver which reflected the moon light onto its surface; yet most of the light came from behind her coloured eyes. She did not know exactly why they did that, it was almost as if they light up whenever she felt threatened. Whatever it was, it was there inside of her. She, of course, knew it was Agatha lingering around; however, she never got dangerously close to the hex. It was an unspoken truth between the witch and Wanda Maximoff yet there she was.

- God, dear, I thought I’d have to break into the hex to get to you. - Agatha showed up from the darkness, dressed in her typical black and purple palette as if she were royalty. - So, how are you deary? Still playing Queen Elsa? Is that fun for you?

- You’re trespassing.

- Come on, is that how you thank me for giving you Bucky Barnes on a platter? What else do you need to thank me? A love spell?

- Go away, Agatha. What do you want?

- I am trying to help you, just like I helped Wanda. I mean how old are you, sweetheart? Old enough for HYDRA and SWORD to realise you can do much more than just magic tricks. Making a whole room objects disappear? Now that, that was impressive. If I knew you were gonna do that, I would’ve brought Barnes into your life much much sooner. - she crossed her arms. - I think you and I are very similar. Much more similar than Maximoff to be completely honest. Where were the avengers when your father handed you over to a terrorist organisation? Constantly overlooked, underestimated, seen as nothing but your father’s daughter. I understand, Y/N and I can help you if you let me help you.

- I ... - she faltered her response, slightly lowering down her gun. - You can really help me?

- I know more about magic than everyone else, Y/N. I can train you, I can help you more than SWORD or Wanda Maximoff will ever help. I can even give you what you want the most. Barnes, a regular family, everything but a SHIELD recruit. A regular citizen and all I want is for you to give me my regular family.

- I can’t help you, Agatha.

- I don’t mean to cause any harm, Y/N. I’m not the villain, I just want my husband back and only you can give that to me. That’s all I want. It’s a small price to pay for your happiness. I can even take it away, your powers, I can take them away and then you will have what you want. Pretty sure Barnes still has some swimmers and if he doesn’t surely Wanda can get you some kids, she sure did well with getting herself some.

- Y/N! - Wanda’s voice broke through the two woman’s conversation. Agatha smirked, purple eyes replacing her regular blue ones. - Y/N!

- I think you need to make a choice, dear.

taglist: @lookiamtrying

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cousinwingding97 · 4 years ago

Text

Silver Memories

Chapter One: Clean Slate

3,000 words of female reader and Din Djarin slow burn with the reader just waking up and realizing she has no idea who she is. This will be part of a series I am working on. The first few chapters won’t have a lot of Din and will be a little fast paced because of the situations, but there will be more interactions later on! I am new to posting to tumblr and I had a bit of trouble with the formatting from one device to another, so I apologize if it looks weird. I would love feedback and constructive criticism if anyone would like to offer some! Thanks and enjoy!!

Warnings: some light violence and little blood.

The inky blackness of unconsciousness and separation from awareness of oneself was split apart by a bright light. There were sights and information, all processed slowly. The realization of waking up to unfamiliar surroundings sent a jolt of fear throughout the body. An intuitive human concept that even those with no memories before this moment would know.

There were basic memories. Words, concepts, ideas that were inside the brain. As eyes roamed around and becoming fully awake took hold, the concept of “you” was elusive, but took hold enough to register that you were someone and you were alive.

Yes, those were your fingers splayed out in front of you and that was your body on the floor, but no memories of just who you were and what you were doing came to mind. You didn’t even know how you got here. Why were you on the cold, sterile ground and why did your head hurt.

Looking at your body, you were dressed in thin cargo pants and ripped shirt. Barely enough to keep the cold out of your bones. There wasn’t any blood or visible wounds. Where am I?

From what your eyes could see, you seemed to be in a cell. Not a hospital room like you were hoping. There was no view of the outside, no obvious view of escape, not even any panels where a door would be. This was not a safe place. There was no sense of comfort in the room.

The cell was a blinding white that hurt the eyes to look at for too long after the more familiar darkness. As if that wasn’t enough, the ceiling above had multiple electronics and burnt wires hanging from the ceiling. The smell of and constant beeping was making your head throb. Your heart rate was already through the roof and the new sights and smells you were experiencing made you want to recede back into the darkness to escape the life that was already painful for some unknown reason. If this was a cell and you were in pain, it was a decent bet to say that you were not safe.

There was a sound that started to echo in your skull, louder than the annoyingly high-pitched beeps. A persistent thunk, thunk that you couldn’t tell if it had been there the whole time or just started. Fear told you it was your death coming for you, but your lack of memories didn’t leave you trusting anything at the moment. Even yourself. Maybe it was a rescue instead.

There were muffled voices coming from the same place as the source of the loud sounds outside of your cell.

“Cara, that’s not working. Try something else!”

“Well how bout you try since you’re so smart! Use that new sword thingy that you won!”

There was a sudden hum and a beam of light was slicing a makeshift door panel through the wall in front of you. The smell of burning material reached your nostrils. There wasn’t any place to hide and you weren’t sure if there was a reason to be afraid or not.

The newly made door fell with a giant, echoing thud. Steam from the red-hot metal blocked your vision, but you could see the outline of five figures and one in the middle; the forefront middle figure was the one with the blade of dark light that had somehow cut through to make a door. You started crawling as far as you could go in the small cell until your back was against the wall. was against the wall.

Two figures came into your cell and the rest stayed outside of it. Most of them had visored helmets that stared back at you without emotions. The group consisted mostly of women; one inside your cell and three more outside of it. The one inside looked bigger than most of the others with arms that looked like they could crush your skull. Another had a smirk and air of what you could only think of as confidence and superiority. The others were all armored in blue with the lifeless helmets. Including the one in the back next to the other blue ones, but this one was a male.

The quick glances of each member of your perhaps rescuers didn’t spark any recognition. The one directly in front of you triggered a fear unlike any you had felt thus far. He didn’t look like the other three blue armored ones. He towered over you and his shiny, silver armor practically blinded you with the lights bouncing off of it. He held the saber in his hand with a spear on his back. The black “T” visor stared at you with such intensity that you looked away with embarrassment. When he finally spoke, it was an unfamiliar word in the form of a question. You looked up at him in confusion. He repeated it, but you didn’t understand what he was saying. Then he crouched in front of you. He reached out and you instinctively flinched back. His hand dropped, but his helmet tilted up towards the wires above your head. “Cara, look up.”

The tall, muscular woman looks up and you do as well to see the wires that you noticed earlier. They look fried and like they might have blood on them.

“Is that what I think it is?” Cara seems to almost growl out the words. She looks back at you and again the unfamiliar word was spoken, “Do you remember us?”

Your puzzlement must have been evident. The silver helmeted one in front of you shook his head, “No, she doesn’t. She doesn’t even know her name.” His words were grounded out like he was holding back his rage. Before you had time to question anyone, he grabbed your arm and hauled you out of the cell.

The ground began to shake and you knew that was not a good sign. One of the blue helmets called out behind you, “Hurry! The ship is going to blow soon!” The hand around your arm tightened as the silver helmet pulled you along faster.

“Wait, what’s going on? What ship?” You asked no one in particular. You tried to keep up, but the constant new tidbits of information and pounding in your head made everything spin. You didn’t know these people, but they knew you. Whether they were friends was still uncertain. They did seem to be taking you out of the cell at least.

“No time! We’ve gotta get out of here, now!” You weren’t sure who said it. The ground shook again and you stumbled. The silver man grabbed you and hauled you over his shoulders like you weighed nothing. You had a view of the others and you could fully see their features and clothes now. You still didn’t recognize anyone. No hint of familiarity at all; yet, here you were, being taken away by them. They looked like a ragtag team. Not uniformed and from the same places. Still, none of them felt familiar. You didn’t feel any sort of tie to these people. Shouldn’t you if they knew you, though?

Suddenly, there were sounds and lights flashing and what looked like lasers flying by. Now we are being shot at?! Were people trying to keep you safe by shooting at this group or were they trying to kill you too? You still had no idea. You couldn’t see the people shooting at you.

The hallways were long and all looked similar to the last. You didn’t know how many you had turned down, you lost count. The group took care of anyone in the way and all you saw were more helmeted people in white armor. They all looked the same. Were they a part of the group you were with now? They were wearing helmets and armor that looked similar from what you could tell.

The man holding you was a little rough while trying to fight off whoever these new peole were. Bouncing you around and running as fast as he could. There were times he hid around corners and shot at others, but before you could get your bearings, he would be off again. The others were just as quick and efficient. The one named Cara was even using her fists at some points on anyone who got too close. If these people were your enemies, you were pretty sure you were screwed on any chance of escape.

Finally, the halls give way to a large room that holds ships and multiple dead bodies. It looked like your possible kidnappers or rescuers had been here already. You lean your head around to see a white ship with what look like wings folded up and with its ramp down already. One side of the wings looked damaged, but that didn’t stop the group from running up the ramp just as you hear a large boom in the background.

The man holding you finally puts you down and heads to what you assume is the cockpit. You stand there awkwardly trying to make your head stop spinning.

The others take up positions defending the ship while the ramp slowly ascends. Cara is the one closest to you. As the ramp finally shuts completely and you feel the ship lift, she takes this moment to finally look you over at you. Her eyes seem to assess you once over and her face scrunches up. She finally speaks to you, “Are you alright? Your head looks like it has been bleeding.” What?

The others have gathered around and now they are staring at you. You feel surrounded and your breathing is picking up, quickly. With tentative fingers, you reach up to your hair and as soon as they touch your head, pain explodes within you. The world tilts again and it wasn’t from the ship. The last thing you see are your bloody fingers and an orange gloved hand reaching for you.

_________________________________________

Again, inky blackness like the darkness of space was what greeted you into the land of the living. You try to gently open your eyes, but the sudden bright light is too much for your pounding head. Instead, you let your body tell you your surroundings.

You were on a bed with a thin mattress and scratchy blankets. You were propped up and you could feel something in your nostrils. The pain was less than when you blacked out, but still present. Your whole body throbbed in sync with your heartbeat and the pounding in your head.

There were voices again. This time they whispered furtively.

“They did something to her. I think they mind wiped her.” The voice sounds almost robotic and spoke softer without as much as emotion as the next voice.

“You don’t know for sure, Mando. Maybe they just tried to overload her brain and kill her before we could find her.”

The filtered voice speaks again, “She didn’t respond to her name.”

“She does have a head injury. She could just be confused. That doesn’t mean a lot. There was a lot of confusion during the escape, so maybe she just had trouble getting her bearings.”

There is a pause before the filtered voice softly admits, “She flinched away from me. There was fear in her eyes when she saw me.”

The other voice sounded like the one called Cara. She grunted with an unconvinced response, “Like I said, her head trauma. What did the medics say?”

The one called Mando let out a sound of a sigh. “Nothing yet. Until she wakes up, they can’t tell anything for certain.”

From what you could infer, you guessed that you had been mind wiped. There was no other explanation. Loss of every single memory up to the moment you woke up? There was no way it could just be head trauma. Right?

The questions swirled in your head making your consciousness swirl your brain around like wine in a glass. Who did this to me though? And why? Were these people rescuing me or trying to get me for their own reasons?

“So, what are you going to do? The whole Republic is going to be after us since we broke Mayfield out and we were near Imperials again. We haven’t exactly been following their rules. Working with Fennec and Boba definitely didn’t help our case.”

Mando sighs heavily, “I don’t know. Everything has changed. I don’t even have a ship for kriffing sake. That Imperial shuttle barely got us here and Bo-Katan is claiming that as her ride. Plus, the Republic would follow us insistently if we galivanted around in that ship. I can’t really ask Boba for a ride for the exact same reason. I’m out of favors with him anyway after giving Grogu to the Jedi. I’m out of options, so I’m just going to have to guard her for now.”

The concept of Republic was not totally unfamiliar. You knew it to be a source of government (as a definition in the recesses of your mind), but you didn’t know if they were a trustworthy kind or not. If these people were wanted for breaking someone out of what sounded like a prison, though, they couldn’t be the good guys. That and from the sound of things, they hung out with some sketchy people. You also didn’t like the sound of being guarded by the filtered and faceless voice. These people must have wanted you for something. Maybe whoever held you was trying to make it more difficult for these people.

The voices finally died off and you slowly open your eyes again, testing to see if you could handle it this time. You were on a medical table with monitors next to you and other machines. The feeling in your nostrils came from some tubes that you assumed were for oxygen. There wasn’t anyone in the room and the glass walls on one side showed that no one was right outside of your room either.

I should get out of here while I can. These people are dangerous.

You probably couldn’t fly, maybe you could, but you couldn’t remember. The best hope you had was hopping onto a ship and flying far away. If there were any ships nearby, at least.

You gingerly lifted yourself off the bed and onto the floor. Your white medical clothes were thin and the cold floor on your bare feet did not help the sudden rush of a chill running through your body combining with your discomfort from your circumstances.

Honestly, you had no idea what you were going to do or what the best choice would be. Even if these people had the answers, could you trust them? Would someone come looking for you? Was anyone left in your life that cared about you that would want to find you? What would you do for survival?

Forcing yourself to put the questions aside for now in order to get a move on, you did your best to silently leave the room into the hall beyond.

The halls outside your room made you pause. They had massive glass panels imbedded into metal frames giving the occupants a complete view of the surrounding area. It was a smaller facility than you thought it would be. The view was absolutely stunning! This place was on what look like an asteroid with a force field surrounding certain areas to allow breathing. The facility was within a crater of the asteroid and there were small rocks gently floating around the lip of the crater, but after that? Nothing but stars. You could see the edge of the asteroid that looked like you could fall off the edge into a sea of inky blackness and become one with the stars. Just float away from everything.

The stars surrounded you and you felt small. In a comfortable way. A reminder that everything was small compared to the sky above, honestly, you couldn’t help but stop and stare. For all you knew, this was the first time you had seen anything like this and if you were going to be creating new memories, then this was one you wanted to hold onto.

You could see platforms further within the crater with ships coming and going. Droids along with some aliens that you couldn’t identify were carrying supplies on and off ships in the small forcefields over the platforms. That was your escape.

You could see your path to it from the hallway. It wasn’t far. You just had to make sure you weren’t caught. Hope flooded your system with this new information.

Tearing yourself from the view, you briskly walked down the hall. You peered around the corner of the intersection and saw nothing in your way to the right. On your left were some droids gently floating and working on stacking crates. You made pains to quietly sneak past them.

There were a few close calls on your way to the closest platforms. Some of the aliens (or locals if you thought about it), pale-faced things with round grey eyes and no mouths, scurried past you, but you hid behind crates and outcroppings of metal archways before they could spot you.

A central hub of activity was close to the landing platform. It looked like where people could rest, eat and talk and just your luck there were familiar faces, or helmets, in the area. You froze when you saw the silver helmet glint in the artificial light. Mando, if you remembered correctly. He hadn’t spotted you, yet, since he was talking to Cara and one other blue armored person. They seemed to be in deep enough conversation that you could sneak away to the platform. A part of you hesitated one last time and you felt a pull towards them. You truly did not know if this was the right option. This was your last chance to walk up to them and maybe get some answers if you gave them the chance.

That thought was cut short when you saw Mando roughly grab a blue armored male warrior and shake him a little. The conversation was getting heated and Cara was trying to separate them when a woman with red hair and woman with black hair intervened by pushing Mando off the other male. Cara grabbed the red heads arms to keep her from making another move.

They seemed a little too prone to violence you suddenly decided. If that was how they treated their teammates or whatever they were to each other, then why put yourself among them? With that, you decided you were not going to risk that.

Walking away from the scene and to the hanger bay brought a better sight than what you just witnessed. Luck must have been on your side because the ship looked like it had been fully emptied and only the crew were hanging around. There were plenty of crates around the edges of the platform. If you could just find an opening for getting on the ship, maybe you could find a hiding place once aboard. It was a lot of open space until then, unfortunately, and who knew how much time you had.

The crew was sitting on the ramp and conversing. They looked like you with normal hands and feet. Smooth skin without any horns or extra appendages, so maybe you would be able to communicate if you got caught.

You saw your opening when they all started filing onto the ship. The engines started to hum with life. You broke from your cover and ran to the hatch. You grabbed it as it was starting to pull back into the ship and lifted yourself on it, rolling over the lip onto the other side.

Thankfully, no one heard or saw you. The ship was large enough that the crew must’ve gone to their stations already. You breathed a sigh of relief before starting to look for a hiding place.

Most of the ship was dedicated to cargo space, that was now empty, or stations you knew crew would visit. You found the darkest corner in the cargo area and gently moved one box to be in front of you, effectively sealing you off from being seen.

Now, you could rest and properly think without the most recent madness. Even with the blackouts, things had been moving so quickly that you hadn’t had a chance to truly stop and think.

Step one: complete. Now what do I do?

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reyesstrand · 4 years ago

Note

#9 for Tarlos please 🥰

thank you for the prompt! i hope you enjoy!! 💗

feel free to send me a number from this list. also available on ao3!

((tw: minor description of blood/injuries caused by a car accident))

Ever since he was a kid, he knew that it was hard to leave some calls at the scene.

Sometimes they lingered on the trip back to the firehouse, where a silence fell over the whole crew as nothing but dead air passed between their headsets. Other times, they dug in deeper, as if they were physical things with claws and teeth, refusing to be shaken off until something worse occupied their minds. He saw it enough with his dad when he was still a little too young to understand why he had to work such long hours; he saw it when the towers fell, and it was like he had to grow up overnight, practically set aflame at the thought that he could’ve lost his dad, like other kids lost their parents in a single moment.

TK doesn’t let that stop him from giving his all, though, even if that means he becomes too personally wedged into rescues.

It seems like it’s going to be a standard day, when they get the call from dispatch about a motor vehicle accident. The rest of the team seems to think the same thing—given the fact that they seemingly have no qualms about pushing him for the juicy details on his date night last night, only spurred on by the fact that Carlos had picked him up at the station yesterday afternoon and dropped him back off this morning.

“Come on, aren’t we supposed to be professionals here?” TK says, though he can barely get it out without smiling.

Immediately, voices erupt around him through his headset, all of them essentially calling his bullshit. Marjan smacks him in the shoulder.

“Hey!” TK laughs, nudging her in the side with his elbow in retaliation.

“If you spilled the details, maybe I’ll go easy on you,” Marjan says, cocking a brow, and TK rolls his eyes and barely suppresses a groan.

“There’s nothing to tell?” TK tries, though he knows his lie is evident to all of them.

“That hickey says otherwise,” Judd pipes up, and TK shoots him a glare.

“Come on now, children,” his dad says, and TK huffs a little laugh.

And then he looks out the window as the rig slows.

“Shit,” Paul says, following TK’s line of vision. And, well, yeah. Because the road is a mess, various vehicles piled up. But it’s what’s at the heart of the accident that catches all of their attention: a semi-truck, tipped onto its side, with a dull grey car trapped underneath.

“Okay, everyone, all hands on deck,” Owen says, all of them out of the truck the moment it comes to a full stop. They’re the first to the scene, only a few police cruisers trying to set up a barrier, and so he hears his dad yell to him that he’s on point for checking on the car driver. It’s all he needs to hear to immediately jump into action, even as his dad keeps shouting orders for Paul and Judd to grab the jaws and deal with the truck driver.

He and Marjan move into a jog, hiking their gear up high on their shoulders.

Once they get to the driver’s side of the car, TK knows it’s going to be a tough day.

The driver is completely crushed under the weight of the steering column, the whole front of her car folded in like an accordion. There’s blood dripping from a gash on her forehead, and what looks to be a broken arm, and TK has only barely set eyes on her and he already doesn’t like the way she’s trying so hard to breathe.

“Ma’am? My name’s TK, and this is Marjan, we’re AFD,” TK starts, the spiel coming out of his mouth without a second thought. Marjan clears the window of the sharp shards of broken glass, giving them more room to work; he meets her eyes and she nods, reaching down for her radio to call for the jaws and some extra hands. “Can you tell me your name?”

“Rachel,” she gasps, and TK nods, pressing his fingers to her wrist that looks mostly uninjured for a pulse. It’s weak, but he tries to school his features so she can’t see his worry.

“Marjan, we’re going to need to secure her neck, and once medical gets here we’re going to need to get her on oxygen,” he says, before meeting Rachel’s eyes. “Okay, Rachel, we’re getting you out of here. We just need a minute to secure you.”

“Hurts to—breathe,” she stutters, and TK clenches his jaw. Marjan opens the backdoor of the car with a few good tugs, and slips into the seat, reaching around to place a neck brace on Rachel.

“TK, tell me what’s going on.”

His dad’s voice pulls him from listening to Rachel’s shallow breathing, and he responds: “Female driver, she’s completely pinned, Cap. Weak pulse, low BP—I need medical here now.”

“They’re coming, maybe a minute out,” his dad says, sidling up to him. He looks through the car and meets TK’s eyes, both of them knowing how time sensitive this rescue is going to be.

TK feels a little relieved when he sees Mateo arrive with a backboard, and Nancy and Tim trailing just steps behind him. Judd’s voice crackles through the radio, informing them that the truck driver’s only a little banged up.

“Hey, Rachel, the paramedics are here now, okay?” TK says, though when she latches onto his arm, he squeezes her hand. “I won’t leave you.”

She nods, looking at him with wide, scared eyes.

When Nancy gets the other side of the car open, pulling a nasal cannula from her bag and talking with Tim about her ABCs, TK keeps her looking at him. She looks like she’s going to drop any second, tears sliding through the grime on her cheeks, her breaths still too weak.

“Hey, just talk to me,” TK says, his only thought to keep her awake.

Rachel just starts crying harder.

TK meets Nancy’s eyes from across the car, and feels Marjan at his side. “Hey, hey, Rachel. Listen to me. Do you have someone? Someone waiting for you at home?”

“Lena,” she sniffles, her voice growing weaker. “We’re—we’re getting married in April.”

“Tell me about her,” TK says, eyes pleading, barely registering the murmured conversation around them as a plan forms.

“She’s always worrying about me, calls me a danger magnet,” she laughs wetly, and neither of them mention the blood that stains her lips.

“Sounds like my boyfriend,” he tells her, and she meets his eyes, something hopeful presented in her gaze. “I got shot last year and burst my stitches a week later. He tells me all the time that I’m not allowed to go to the hospital again unless I want to send him to an early grave.”

Rachel smiles at him, faintly, and squeezes his hand. “She—she’s my best friend. I just want to see her again.”

“You will,” TK says, before he can even think about what he’s promising.

He steps back for a moment, being pulled into the plan from his dad. He’s left with the job of talking to Rachel, considering he’s made the most significant contact with her.

TK takes a deep breath, and returns, frowning at her pained expression. “Okay, Rachel. We’re going to have to use some equipment to get you out, and I won’t lie to you, it’s going to hurt. But think of Lena, okay? I promise you that we’ll get you back to her.”

“But my chest,” she groans, trying weakly to move against the weight pushing her down again. Both he and Nancy immediately reach out to settle her, hands on her shoulders. “I think I have a concussion, and—and it hurts. Everything hurts.”

“You’re going to see her, so soon,” TK promises, imagining what he’d want to hear if he were in her place. He thinks of Carlos, and knows he’d do anything if it meant getting home to him. “I swear to you. I will make sure you get home to her.”

“TK,” Marjan whispers, and he meets her gaze before his eyes flit away. He knows what it means, to make impossible promises. But he fully intends on keeping this one.

“Now, I’m going to count down from three, and me and my team are cutting you out of here, okay?” TK says, and she nods, eyes closing tight. “Think of Lena.”

It’s a bit of a mess, once Owen starts them on the routine procedure, using the jaws and every tool they have to remove the driver’s door; to wedge her out from the steering column. Once she’s on the backboard and lifted onto the stretcher, they start losing her, and Tim immediately starts on compressions.

TK holds his breath, staggering back against the car. Marjan squeezes his shoulder until they hear Nancy declare that she’s got a pulse. They rush her to the ambulance, and that’s supposed to be it. TK knows it.

“Take a breather,” his dad says, cupping the back of his neck. TK nods, feeling exhaustion ache deep in his bones. “You did good, kid.”

TK just nods again. Marjan knocks her shoulder into his before giving him some space, heading off to check the few witnesses still standing around for any superficial injuries. He ends up walking to somewhere private, which ends up being the back of the ladder truck, where he can lean against the paneling and keep himself upright.

He doesn’t realize how out of it he feels until there’s hands gently cupping either side of his face, carefully tipping his head up.

“Carlos?” TK’s voice sounds weak even to his own ears, and his boyfriend nods, looking concerned.

“TK, are you okay?” Carlos asks, and it’s only when he drags his thumbs across TK’s cheeks and wipes away the tears there that TK realizes he’d even been crying. “Sweetheart...”

“I’m okay,” TK says, sniffing hard. “I swear. I’m just exhausted.”

He leans into Carlos’ touch, though, because he’s got his boyfriend here and doesn’t want to have to let him go just yet.

He voices his desire, barely audible to anyone but his boyfriend. “Stay with me for a minute? I just need to—to get my head on straight.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Carlos whispers, and TK sighs and drops his head to rest against Carlos’ chest.

“Just—just a rough call,” he murmurs, mostly into Carlos’ uniform. He feels a hand carding through his hair, and settles under the touch. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“I’ll be wherever you need me, Ty,” Carlos says, ducking down to press a kiss to the crown of TK’s head. “Always.”

#tarlos #911 lone star #tarlos fic #my fic #trevorvanriemsdyk

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aspoonofsugar · 4 years ago

Text

Alternative Reality Asks

Hello anons and hello @reene7890,

All your asks/comments can be answered in a single post.

In short, what Mikasa saw is probably an alternative reality either Eren or Ymir shared it with her through paths.

This is why both Eren and Mikasa saw it:

That said, in the end I do not think it really matters.

These are just my two cents on the whole time-travel aspect of snk.

Of course I might be wrong and next chapter might have a huge plot-twist that shocks us all and changes the whole plot. Still, as for now, this is how I feel.

So far the time-travel aspect of the series has not been relevant plot-wise (at least not in the way it is in time-travel centered stories) and has mostly been thematically enriching and used to give us a deeper understanding of the characters. In a sense, it made the characters more complex.

When it comes to worldbuilding, it is one of the many aspects of the power of paths. All Eldians are linked through time and space thanks to them, after all.

The paths have many powers which manifest in different ways. For example, last chapter dead people managed to briefly come back to help the Alliance.

This chapter, the paths have made possible for Mikasa to see a part of an alternative present/future. Similarly, in the very first chapter Eren saw that same specific possible future.

We might have a more detailed explanation next chapter, but as @aotopmha said here, I do not really think it will be something overly complicated. I think it will mostly be something simple that will not really change the overall plot, but will enrich it thematically. For example, the theory in the post kinda works for me. Ymir/Eren trying to break a loop by experiencing different realities to succeed in the end does not really change the story we have just seen, especially if Eren did not really have memories of it.

It does not change Eren’s massacre being wrong, especially because we have seen the psychologial state he was in when he made it. We saw it was not for a great scheme, but that it was him dissociating. It would not change that in the end the people who saved the world were Armin and Mikasa and that they did so through their choices that were different from Eren’s. It would not change that probably in almost every time-line Eren would not be able to overcome his self-hate and his flaw.

At the same time, for Mikasa what she experienced is and will always remain a dream. In the end it is not what she chose. It is a reality that could have happened if she had chosen differently. Still, it did not happen in the story.

We all as individuals, even without time-travel or different realities, can potentially imagine different possible future selves. And these future selves might have been born if we had taken different choices in key moments of our lives. If I had studied medicine... I would be a doctor right now. I am not, but this does not mean it was impossible to begin with.

For Mikasa, it is the same. She sees a reality that we know it is an alternative reality because we saw Eren seeing it too. Still, Mikasa is experiencing it as a dream. She might never know that was an actual alternative reality she in a sense has experienced and lived. She probably knows this unconsciously, but rationally, it might be left ambiguous.

In the meta I refer to it as a dream precisely because of this and also because it is the realization of Mikasa’s childhood dream. And even in the chapter it is something linked to Mikasa’s personal wish:

She does not see a random alternative reality, but a reality linked to a wish (go back to her home with Eren) and to a regret (what would have happened if she had chosen differently?).

We as people can only imagine different futures, while Mikasa who is in a world where alternative realities exist is given the chance to briefly experience one. And she experiences a reality specifically important for her because it is the reality where she got what she wanted. And she still realizes that even in that case she can’t save Eren.

Let me clarify what I mean when I say that I think time-travel and different realities are used in the series to enrich characters and themes and not really to create structural plot-twist. I’ll try doing so using this chapter.

Mikasa seeing the alternative reality does not let her change the past and does not let her change the future. So, time-travel has no repercussion in the overal events of the story.

What is more, it was really not necessary for Mikasa to see an alternative reality for her to arrive to the choice of killing Eren. In terms of writing Mikasa could have easily come at the same conclusion in a different way. In fact, I think different people had different headcanons about this moment.

Even the first panel:

In the end, it is revealed to simply be an image from a different reality, not even from the reality we are reading the story of. If the loop-theory is correct, it might simply be the conclusive panel of a story that happened before ours. It does not really change what we are reading.

The same goes for the other instances where time travel was used.

Eren convincing his father to kill the Reiss Family is important for his, Zeke and Grisha’s characters. It changes their dynamic making it more complicated. It is also important for Zeke’s arc and character. Still, it does not change what we already know aka... The Reiss Family is killed by Grisha. We discover an ulterior layer to Grisha’s motivation. We also discover Eren’s role in it and how much he has spiralled. Still, the event itself does not change.

Similarly, Eren seeing the Rumbling is important for his psychology I think because we can see him struggling with this idea and partially being consumed by it. Still, in the end it is still Eren’s choice to start it. Other options were still possible and this chapter’s alternative reality proves exactly this.

And it is in this that the time travel aspect of snk works imo. It is enriching thematically. It is enriching thematically because it is used to explore the theme of freedom aka the main theme.

It shows how Eren seeing the future does not make him freer, but a slave of a specific vision he saw.

It shows the fine line between destiny and choices, like in this chapter.

It shows that different realities are born by different choices, even if some factors are meant to remain. It also shows how every reality has within itself different burdens.

Finally, to answer to the anons who asked abt the reality where Eren and Mikasa ran away and its contradictions... I think it is important to remember it is just one among different realities. It is the specific reality Mikasa saw because it is important for her to see it.

Still, other versions were possible too.

As I have written in the meta, a reality where the conflict between Marley and Paradis had developed differently would have probably needed Armin making different choices because thematically he is the character mostly linked to the outside world.

So yeah, there is a reality where Mikasa and Eren choose to leave Armin behind. In the actual story, Eren left both Mikasa and Armin behind, despite clearly loving them, so I do not think it is that surprising that in another reality Mikasa chooses to stay with Eren and to avoid war.

It is implied that in this reality Mikasa conveyed her love to Eren and that Eren opened up to her about the Rumbling. Once she knew about it, Mikasa must have convinced him to give up on this plan and to simply live in peace. Eren was clearly very close to a breakdown when she talked with Mikasa in Marley. He had decided to spare Historia a life as a breeding stock by destroying the world.

Mikasa makes him give up this plan, but Eren can’t still accept the alternative plan, which is about keeping the power of the Rumbling and pass it down from a generation to another forcing Historia and her children to become Titans. This is why they run away in this reality.

Eren says so himself:

He could not choose.

In our story Eren sacrificed the world and humanity for Paradis and Historia (and we see mixed results because Paradis was turning in a dictatorship, many people still died and Historia was still miserable).

In Mikasa’s alternative reality Mikasa and Eren sacrificed Paradis for Histora and humanity.

That said, this does not mean there are not other realities where Mikasa, Eren, Armin and others characters made different choices.

Finally about Mikasa choosing to say “See you later” instead “Goodbye” or something different, I think it is better to ask someone who knows Japanese because the expression translated as see you later might have a different nuance in Japanese. Anyway, I think the context makes pretty clear Mikasa is saying farwell to Eren.

I hope this was clear enough :)

Thank you for the asks!

#snk #snk 138 #asksfullofsugar #anonymous #reene7890

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famouskittychild · 3 years ago

Text

Cheeky Mandos - ...and we're off

(Sorry I had a terrible writer’s block in the past 6-ish weeks - I went from reading fanfiction and being inspired by other’s visions to “I’ll never be able to write anything like these and I’m useless” in a single day :( I’m getting back into the groove finally, so I’m hoping to post more soon.)

There will be 18+ content (in the coming chapters soon) so if you are a minor, please don't read further.

Also the characters will be quite open and relaxed about things like gender, attraction, sexual activities, relationships etc, so if you prefer your Din (and their partner) possessive and/or monogamous , this won’t be a good read for you!

***

This pairing is Din Djarin x gn reader / tall reader. I’m short (and cis and woman). There’s so many short (and female) reader stuff out there, I wanted to write for people on the other end of the “why is your height not normal” / "definitely female" spectrum. If I make mistakes or you have advice, or ideas you'd like to see, please tell me!

Word count: 4267

Summary: You’re an armourer and some shiny guy just showed up.

First full piece/chapter/course! In which people seem to catch things. Thoughts? Viruses? Dropped facts? Who knows!?? Also contains a dilettante’s attempt at space electronics and some barely-canon-reminiscent Mando world-building. Still no spiciness sorry, marinating is a long process :P

Rating: T for some mentions of heavier topics.

CW: Mentions of mandalorian history, playing somewhat loose with canon lore (as in, my SW knowledge is patchy. sorry.)

Author’s note: I tried to find more info but it seems like the mandalorian alphabet doesn’t have names for the individual letters so I used aurebesh (also I liked the little Dorn(e) meta in there). And sorry for the bad puns. They’ll keep coming.

Prologue

One - ...and we're off

***

You aren’t worried about taking a stranger on board, you’ve done that plenty of times before. You hope he’s willing to put in the effort himself, too, just as he promised at the assembly.

The stranger leaves behind his ship, saying a friend will come to pick it up together with whoever might want to join the cause. You spot him from the cockpit as he walks over with a repulsor pallet in tow. He stops for a moment when your droids surge past him, busy at their pre-flight tasks, before moving on towards the ramp.

All his baggage is a satchel at his hip and a small bag on his shoulder, and two large crates of weaponry. You put him up in the spare cabin, the one that had been Sal’ee’s, your former apprentice, before she went on to be a journeyman. He stands in the middle of the room, staring at the two cots on opposite sides of the room, the lockers, the fresher in the corner.

“All mine? Where will you sleep?”

You don’t understand the surprise in his voice.

“Over there” you show him, pointing at the cabin opposite from his. It’s much more lived in, some of the blankets and trinkets and pillows visible through it’s open door. “There’s a third cabin that I mostly use for storage but has more fold-up bunks in case I need to transport more people. That’s rare though.”

“Ohh.” He nods, then turns to look around his room again. “Okay. I thought all of these rooms were cargo space.”

You smile, and quickly think through your to-do list. You’ll have to rearrange your schedule somewhat but it’s not that big of a bother.

“Come on, I’ll show you around the ship.” Before he gets lost in its cavernous interiors, you might add - but you don’t. If his reaction to a separate cabin and his current ship - an old ARC170 - is any indication, he must be used to very cramped quarters.

***

Your trusty Brick, a beat-up YV 929, is armed to the teeth and ugly, just as you like it. The ship is a scavenged one, gutted from most of its original factory issue armaments, engines, and even wiring. It was perfect for your former master when she found it at a scrap heap: she wanted to rebuild it herself, deliberately piecemeal; panels sourced form here, engines from there, concealments added. She modified the inner workings of the engines so that the power lines could be redirected to a concealed forge.

That forge is your pride and the main reason you haven’t settled at a permanent place yourself. When your master retired from travelling, the ship passed to you, and you continued her mission of offering your knowledge and expertise to those of your people who otherwise had no access to an armourer.

…

The next standard month is spent with adjusting, both for yourself after getting used travelling alone again since Sal’ee left, and for the stranger who found himself a passenger on someone else’s ship. Apparently he used to live a very similar life to yours, with the exception that he was a hunter not a craftsman.

You travel together, share meals, research the places you are directed to. He joins in the effort that is maintaining the ship. Still - he is very taciturn at the beginning, keeping his words to the bare minimum. The first few days it feels as if you are still on your own aside of your droids. By the middle of the month, he progresses from short answers, through sharing information, to willingly starting to tell stories; but you know that chatting will never be his defining feature.

His armour seems to fill the spaces of the Brick’s corridors. You feel as if it’s not him who has the presence, but that set of glinting, perfectly made handwork of an armourer you already admire. Some of the pieces were sourced elsewhere, you can tell by the different shapes and designs; they seem haphazard and mismatched compared to the rest. Most of the set is the work of a single person. On those, there’s not a single uneven line, a broken curve, an edge at the wrong place. The angle of the panes of the metal, the ridges, the simplicity and elegance of them all - you have to hold yourself back from touching them, to admire them. You would give a lot to hold those pieces in your hand, to study them, to analyse them with your eyes and hands and with your tools.

You’re a master, yes. But so much knowledge was lost. So many masters gone, with their knowledge and their workshops. Apprentices became heads of Forges in the absence of the more skilled. The survivors still to this day have to piece together half-remembered lessons and forgotten details, experiment with techniques that were known before but the methods got lost as decades of civil war and occupation and murder kept eroding your heritage.

Sometimes a set of armour comes along that is just made in a way you never had an opportunity to learn. Often the person who forged them is long gone. Not the stranger’s armourer though. As far you can tell, she’s alive. Or at least was, when he last saw her. Not too long ago; though your usual method for guessing forging dates is mostly useless as it is based on the condition of the suit’s paintwork. Which he doesn’t have, so you can only guess from the small amount of scratches. You try to ask once, but whilst he’s forthcoming with general stories, he doesn’t go into details.

It’s a common theme with him. He talks about people and planets and events, and leaves out a lot - and you don’t even notice it first. Only when you try to glean information about his armour do you realize how well he fuzzes over those facts and nuances. It’s only up to the peculiarities of Basic and its use of gendered pronouns that you know his Armourer is a woman, or at least he considers them so. He doesn’t even tells you his own name, and when you ask your Elder in one of your communications, she tells you he didn’t gave it to them either. You keep introducing him as a friend, and that is the end of it for a while.

***

The visits to this first few coverts with him are… interesting. You can see him fidgeting from the corner of your eye. He always follows half a step behind and off to a side, as if not wanting to be in your way. He keeps quiet and doesn’t mix much, and around small children and droids, he is positively withdrawn. He only comes alive when he talks about his mission.

You had learned early on during your apprenticeship that keeping the helmet on is a safe bet when meeting with unfamiliar mandalorians. That led to later getting in contact with his type of believers too, despite their notorious secrecy even from the rest of the People. When you tell the stranger about that, he immediately showers you with questions, but you can’t give an answer to most of them. You never met with anyone from his particular covert, or heard of it. No name, no description seems familiar. It’s painful to watch his shoulders slump after daring to hope.

During the course of the month spent travelling, he gradually comes to be more social. He starts to stand and walk beside you. He doesn’t withdraw to the background anymore; he can actually be quite chatty if approached the right way. Droids still make him stop, though he warms up to kids in his own way. He’s good with them, at least in your opinion, though you know some would still call him aloof and distant. He isn’t a cuddler, nor does he crouch down to ask cutesy questions. He juts sits nearby them, and in that way of children having a good sense about adults, they know he’s trustworthy. They go up to him to chatter, to hand him a toy to hold, to ask him to fix a latch on their boots; than they go back to play.

He teaches you too, inadvertently at first during everyday conversations and later by his own volition, about his Way. About his Creed. It keeps throwing you off how much it differs from most that you had met before. Not even meeting briefly with people who followed the same Way as him could prepare you for the details that he does share. The degree of strictness, the loyalty, the barest bones Old Tradition beliefs and their willingness to follow them is very rare amongst the People as far as you can tell. Their devotion earns your respect.

At other times, your jaw hangs open and you can’t believe you are talking to an adult roughly around the same age as yourself, who by his own admission had spent three decades living as a follower of the Creed - not knowing about things children are thought through plays and songtime. His ignorance is so staggering, your admiration towards his unknown Armourer wavers. How could she keep so many things hidden from them? Why not talk about your own history? Your greats? Your artefacts?

About the many other who would call them vod’e, siblings?

You are an armourer, a craftsman, a person who makes a living by making things with your hand. You’re not a leader, or a scholar, or someone who decides what to tell your people. You do have a status within the community, but that is a status of service. From what the stranger says, their Armourer was a leader in every aspect: elder and lorekeeper and moral guide and more. All in one. It is something you can see developing from the old songs and histories amongst groups who take tradition more literally.

You are good at observing people, even at copying their habits to make them feel more comfortable with you, but less good at determining their underlying motives. The reason you think of him as “the stranger” even after travelling with him is because it’s so hard to figure out what drives him. There’s a melancholy to him that overrides the more typical mandalorian fight-readiness or aggression. You see how he gazes off to the distance sometimes, turning his head to the side and freezing. How he keeps to himself when he can. But you can’t tell why. Grief? Regrets? Determination to change? Planning something greater and being preoccupied with that?

He doesn’t pick fights to test you. He spars with you when you invite him to, he helps when you ask, and often even without it. He’s polite and considerate; he keeps conversation to practicalities and interesting stories, and doesn’t bother you with anecdotes or insistent questions about trivialities or your private life. He even does the dishes.

He’s deadly boring in his reliableness.

You are used to being on your toes around people all the time. When you meet a new group, it’s all unknown people. With ones you had already visited, the problem is having to remember them. They remember you of course, the ‘wandering armourer’; and surely you remember them too.

What is worse, when people stay the same but you don’t remember them, or when they change and you just can’t place them?

He becomes a good excuse after you’ve been to several coverts together. It’s interesting to notice how your dynamics change even further once you two get into a comfortable routine. You start to retreat to your forge and tools, and let him take all the attention. And he doesn’t just talk about his mission anymore, or lets little ones play around him whilst he’s quiet. He converses with people about news, about their children, about weaponry. You have more time to focus on your work.

Sometimes, people ask you what do you think of his mission. You tell them that you will follow what your clan decides, and that’s mostly true. It is something people don’t often debate, at least.

He quickly becomes a part of your everyday life. You are content with your usually solitary travels. You know that your family, your clan and your friends wait for you at home. They message you and you can find the time that suits you to message back. You don’t miss the constant hubbub of the covert most of the time. But now that you have someone that is not a droid, someone who is your equal in every aspect, on board again, it’s not even lonely anymore.

***

“So what’s up with you and droids?” you ask one day, after you got back from a covert and are safely in hyperspace to the next destination. You tinker with your astromech’s navigational systems. Poor 2-T keeps bumping into walls and crates. Again.

The stranger looks at you and your droid, than over at Mouse who for a change isn’t zooming around at foot level.

“Bad memories.”

“Gunk sat on you?” You tease. You hope it’s just something silly and not him having some sort of snobbish organics-are-better philosophy. He is quiet, and you focus on your work. He’ll talk if he wants to, that much you know already about him.

Inside the body of your astromech, a rivet from stars knows where is stuck between two circuit boards and blocks the access to a short-circuited piece of wire.

“Kriff. Toots, this will take a while, sweetie. Can’t access that kriffing panel.” He chirps back something and you read the translation on the small display. “No, it’s not that. My hand can’t fit in that small space. Let me find those pliers… should be in that other drawer somewhere.”

You search in the chest of tools, and despite your usually good organization, you can’t find them amongst the droids’ tools where their place is.

“Let me help.” The stranger’s voice beside you makes you jump. He can be awfully quiet. “Sorry. I think I might’ve put them back into the wrong drawer. I used them the other day when I fine-tuned that scope.”

He points at another drawer, where you keep your fine electronics stuff. No wonder he mixed them up. He stands beside Tootee a bit awkwardly until you find the tool.

“Here! No problem by the way. “ You turn back to him and to the droid, than have an idea. “Do you mind a bit more help? You can say no if you don’t want to work with the droid, I’ll understand.”

He doesn’t object yet, so you go back to 2-T and show the stranger the area you’re working on. You see him lean closer in your peripheral vision.

“That’s where I need to get that burned piece of wire out and install a new one, but first, I need to get that rivet out of the way.” You point at the root of the problem, than explain your plan, pointing out each part in turn. ”If you could hold those using this, than I could get here, remove this, with that tool, than have to get those bundles out of the way too, so than that wire there could come out. Easy.”

You look up at him, and his helmet is way closer than you expected. You can almost see your reflection in that black visor as it stares back at you for a second, and you almost apologize again, when the stranger starts to speak.

“Just have to hold the wires to the casing, or pull them like…” he moves his hand in the air, showing what he means.

“Hold them to that panel, there, with the pliers, so I have room to access the rest.”

He thinks for a moment, than he starts to tug one of his gloves off.

“You don’t need to take that off, just hold the pliers” you tell him, but he shakes his head.

“No, I can fit my hand in there, I’m pretty sure. If not we can try it with the tool.”

You realize that this is the first time you see his skin. Than it occurs to you that he might very well misunderstand this whole situation. You just asked him to hang his hand inches from yours in an enclosed space; inside a droid nonetheless, just after you basically told him you noticed he has a problem with them. It would be so easy to get caught up in there, to touch his hand, and hush it up as coincidence. Especially now that he took his glove off as well. He might even think that it was a careful plan of yours: have an area to work with were your slightly larger hands don’t fit but his might.

Your fingertips already tingle from knowing you can’t make mistakes. Which means you’ll probably do. He reaches between the panels and gets to the part where you got stuck. He wiggles his fingers a bit and scrapes around.

“Ha, found some wires. Are these the ones you need out of the way?”

You peer down into the quagmire of electronics, trying to find the best angle to see everything.

“Yes, those are the ones. Just hold them like that.” You try to focus on what you are doing, but after those earlier thoughts, your hands are jittery. You somehow manage to remove the obstructing rivet, than find the burned out part and replace it without accident, the stranger patiently holding things out of your way. You direct him here and there, occasionally stumbling as it’s a lot of instructions, or at least a lot of “could you please” and “thank you”. It gets particularly awkward when you stumble over the lack of name spectacularly.

“Could you pull those the other way, so they aren't that taut, please? Thank you, you. I mean thank you.”

“Din. Din Djarin.” Your head snaps up while the rest of your body freezes. “I should have told you my name sooner, but I’m so used to not telling it… and it just became more awkward to bring it up as time passed. I apologize.”

You close your mouth that of course was hanging open in surprise, than shake your head.

“I thought at first that I missed it when you said it so I was ashamed that I didn’t remember.” That did happen before, and it was one of your greatest worries about meeting new people. “I actually asked my elder. Sent her a comm. So when she told me you went nameless, I didn’t wanted to demand it.”

He doesn't answer right away. His voice is softer when he speaks a bit later.

“Thank you. For being considerate.”

You smile and try to wave it off. Which results in your hand slipping and pawing at his, still motionless and stuck in the inside of the astromech.

“Oh shucks, I’m sorry… didn’t meant to.” You withdraw your hand quickly, and start to look for your tools to cover your mistake.

He doesn’t seem bothered, luckily. You calm down, reminding yourself not to behave like you drank one too many glasses of your cousin Ree’s home-made tihaar, and finish the repair.

“You can let those go now, I’ll finish from here. Thanks for your help.”

“You’re welcome, any time.”

He sits back on a nearby crate and watches you work for a while, ignoring Mouse zooming around the room. You’re surprised a bit: you didn't expected him to stick around. And than he starts to ask about 2-T. How long you had him, is he temperamental, can you install a vocoder on astromechs, and why not. His tone is somewhat cautious, his voice stiff, like someone asking about a dangerous predator. You remember how you asked him about his distance with droids, but don’t want to push that question. He already told you his name today.

…

By the time you finish with the rest of the repairs, clean Tootee up and tidy around your workplace, interrupted by having to leave hyperspace and land at a spaceport, it’s the middle of the night in local time. You planned to have a nap and search out the local covert just before dawn.

You go to the galley to have a bite before turning in, and the stranger - Din, you remember, although his last name is less clear - is cleaning up some dishes. There’s another bowl in the middle of the small table, covered by a plate.

“That’s for you, if you’d like to have it. Used up the last of that spice mix we got” he tells you as you enter. You sit down and stretch your legs out one side. As you take the plate off from the steaming bowl, you think about how nice it is to find warm food on the table and not having to cook your own all the time.

“Thank you.” You pull the bowl close and take the spoon that he put beside it. You swirl the soup - it looks very good: clear broth with lots of veggies and other fillers in it - and gather your thoughts. “So ummm… I want to ask something before it gets awkward again.“

He finishes piling the bowls and cups and sits down on the seat opposite. You blurt the question out before you might change your mind.

“What was your name again? Din, that was clear, but the rest… sorry but it sounded something like “jarring”?”

He chuckles, and it’s a clear sound even with a vocoder, no snort or sigh to distort it.

“It’s Djarin. Dorn-jenth-aurek-resh-isk-nern. Djarin.” You nod, a bit embarrassed, and he continues. “Don’t worry, you aren't the first to ask. Probably not the last either.”

“Thanks for being patient. I’m not the best with names, to be honest.”

He tilts his head.

“Is that why you are always so focused when someone introduces themselves? I can ask them to repeat their names for me too if you want to, than both of us can try to remember them.”

You blink at him.

“That’d be…” Unnecessary, and don’t bother, and it’s not your job, you think - but stop yourself. That would actually help. No shame in accepting it. ”That would be nice. Thanks.” You are good at a few things, like making things with your own two hands. Not gaping when something surprises you, or remembering faces or names, any names, not just people? Nah.

You tuck into your soup, and the two of you sit in companionable silence. You wander if Djarin sits there because he wants to, or if he’s waiting for more questions from you. You asked a lot from him during the last few hours, and he was really kind with all his help and telling you his name and not being bothered when you misremembered it.

You are halfway done with your meal when he stirs. He leans forward with his lower arms on the table, and takes a deep breath. You wonder what his question will be - you commit to answer whatever it might be. He deserves that after today.

“So you asked earlier about me and… droids, right?”

Your hand with the spoon stops in the air. You weren’t expecting this question, at all.

“Yes…” You want to say he didn’t have to answer. But you already told him that. You’re sure he remembers that too - since he brought the topic up again. “Yes, I did.”

He shuffles on his seat a bit, and looks out to the side like he sometimes does. You lower your spoon and eat, letting him gather his thoughts.

“When I was a kid… I don’t know how old you were then, but during the war. The Clone wars.” You nod, understanding what he’s getting at, and he continues. “We were… the place I lived came under attack. Some separatist battle droids. Mandalorians saved me.”

You swallow your soup. That was the shortest possible description of someone having their entire life and probably everyone they knew ripped away from them and finding a new way of life for the decades to come.

“I’m sorry” you say, because really, what else is there to say. He nods, and gazes off again. Than he shrugs his shoulders, as if he wants to shake the weight of the past from them.

He gets up, and walks around the table on his way out. He stops beside you for a moment and hesitates, and you almost turn towards him to ask what he needs when you feel him squeeze your shoulder. Than he straightens and steps away.

It’s warm where he squeezed it, and you remember how long ago it was that someone touched you.

You need to talk to your friends asap, and hug at least some of them. He turns back from the door.

“Get some sleep before dawn, all right? Have to be sharp to remember all those new names.” You don’t see him wink but you’d bet he does behind his visor. You scrunch your nose at him and pout before smiling, and he dips out of the galley.

Your hand is still hovering in the air, holding the spoon, while you listen to his footsteps getting more distant as he walks down the corridor to his cabin.

It’s just your luck that you don’t need your wits the next place. It’s only two people with the same, simple name and you met both of them before.

#din djarin x reader #din djarin x tall reader #din djarin x gn!reader #post season 2 #mandalorian oc #armourer oc #cheeky mandos #my writing

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