#i saw something about it on the 28th freaked when i saw it was going to be deleted

[decisions-at-3am]

And if there comes a point, Where I'm no longer Able to recognise you. I hope that death would be Much more merciful.

[coffeeshades]

credits to the gif maker!

LOVE IS COMPLICATED - PART IV

—know it’s for the better

summary: the trials and tribulations of falling in love or two idiots who can't get their shit together.

pairing: pedro pascal x actress/singer!reader.

word count: 7.2k

warnings: 18+ (minors dni). mentions of sex. angst (heavy on this i'm sorry in advance) cussing, age gap, mentions of drugs and alcohol. no use of y/n, if i missed something please let me know!

a/n: hi everyone! yes yes i know i disappeared for like 5 months but let's pretend i didn't. i've seen all of your messages and comments and i'm overwhelmed with all the love you've shown to the previous parts. thank you so much to everyone who likes, reblogs and leaves a kind message, i see you and love u. here's a new lil chapter, i hope you enjoy it. happy reading!!

masterlist with next parts!

February 28th, 2019 

Cort Theater, NY

The day was here. The day he had been eagerly waiting on for months. The anticipation had been building up, and now he was finally going to perform in front of a live audience for the first time in what felt like an eternity. The months of rehearsals and hard work had all led up to this moment, and he was ready to give it his all.

He was starring in the new Broadway production of “King Lear" as Edmond, one of the play's most complex and intriguing characters. The role had challenged him in ways he had never experienced before, pushing him to delve deep into the character's motivations and emotions. As he stepped onto the stage, the bright lights shining down on him, he felt a surge of adrenaline and a sense of purpose. 

And just like that, three hours and twenty-five minutes later, the final curtain fell on the play. The audience erupted into thunderous applause, their standing ovation a testament to their incredible performance. Exhausted but exhilarated, he knew he had given everything he had to the role and left it all on the stage. 

His mind raced with a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. The rush of adrenaline slowly subsided, and as much as he wanted to hear what everyone thought of his performance, there was only one person whose opinion mattered to him right now: yours. 

The last time he saw you was on your last day in Chile, almost two months ago. He vividly remembered the bittersweet farewell outside his family's house—you getting into the car and him closing the door. A door that seemed to separate their worlds. Since then, they had kept in touch through messages and occasional video calls, but it wasn't the same. Of course it wasn't. It will never be. 

The distance between them had only fueled his longing, making him yearn for your presence even more. Constantly trying to derail his one-track mind. 

He knows you're here. He had invited his siblings and closest friends. However, he was unsure of your attendance until an hour before the show, when he received a text from Oscar:

"She's coming with me. Stop pacing and good luck." 

He hadn't really discussed what happened back in Chile with Oscar or anyone, for that matter, but he could tell everyone knew something was off about how the two of you interacted. So when he got the message from Oscar, instead of freaking out about him potentially finding out about you two, he felt relieved. 

It gave him comfort to know that Oscar knew him so well that he was aware of the fact that you were the cause of his two-hour pacing in his dressing room. It was also fucking stupid and laughable. 

The energy backstage was electric as he walked through the bustling crowd of crew members and performers. He entered his dressing room, grabbing his phone and immediately seeing all the texts from friends and his siblings. He opened one from Javiera: "Felicidades, hermanito! Killed it. See you at The Terrace." 

They had planned on getting together afterwards to celebrate. He replied with a grateful smile, saying he'd be there in a few and to get there without him. He quickly changed into a more casual outfit: dark jeans and a comfortable white t-shirt. Wanting to unwind after the intense performance, he made his way to the restaurant. It was only a few blocks away from the theater, so he decided to enjoy the pleasant evening weather and take a leisurely stroll. 

Once he got there and stepped out of the elevator, Pedro watched you from across the room. A delicate hand rested on Oscar's shoulder as you chatted and laughed together. He felt a bubble of pride in himself swell; it warmed him to know that you were enjoying yourself and having a good time. 

He felt like an intruder in your intimate moment, but he couldn't tear his eyes away. At least I don't have to miss her anymore because she's right there, he thought. 

Pedro made his way across the room, trying to appear nonchalant as he approached the table. 

"There he is! the man of the hour," Oscar said, a wide smile spreading across his face. 

You turned. Eyes meeting, and it was like a car crash. A collision of emotions and memories flooding back all at once. The air between you crackled with unresolved tension, and Pedro's heart raced as he struggled to find the right words to say.  

"You came," he said, his voice stern. Not reflecting at all the turmoil inside him. "Thank you." 

"Well, you called," you replied, trying to sound nonchalant as well. Deep down, though, your heart was pounding just as fast as Pedro's. 

Everyone seemed to ignore the palpable tension in the room and how he was losing his mind over these unclear conversations between your glances, carrying on with their congratulatory words to Pedro as if nothing had happened. But for Pedro and you, time stood still. 

People settled into an easy conversation, enjoying each other's company as the night went on. As the night went on, Pedro and you exchanged occasional glances, silently acknowledging the shared secret that lingered. He wanted to scream it at the top of his lungs: We slept together! We slept together, and I loved it! He wanted every single person in New York to hear it. To feel the exhilaration and passion that consumed him. 

However, to say it was to make it real, and Pedro wasn't quite ready to face the consequences of that reality just yet. He knew his place in her life. He knew it was better this way. However, the ever-present question of 'Is it better to have something and lose it than never have it at all?' haunted his mind. 

The laughter and chatter around you provided a stark contrast to the whirlwind of emotions swirling within both of you. After a couple drinks, the atmosphere became more relaxed, and Pedro found himself engaging in lighthearted conversations with the people around him. 

"Ah, man. I need a cigarrette," he said to Oscar, reaching into his pocket for his pack of cigarettes. 

"Go, go. I'll keep everyone entertained," Oscar replied with a smile, gesturing towards the lively crowd. Pedro nodded gratefully and stepped outside, the cool night air providing a brief respite from the chaos of his thoughts. As he lit his cigarette and took a long drag, he couldn't help but wonder if the temporary escape it offered was worth the potential consequences. 

"I thought you quit," you remarked, slowly making your way to him, eyebrows raised in mild surprise. Pedro turned and exhaled a cloud of smoke, a wistful expression crossing his face. "I did, but you know me. I have a hard time letting go of old habits," he admitted, flicking the ash off his cigarette.

"Care to share?" you asked, gesturing towards the pack of cigarettes in his hand. Pedro hesitated for a moment. 

"No." 

"No?" you repeated, raising an eyebrow. 

"I don't want to be the reason you get lung cancer." 

You chuckled. "Ok, so you can do it, but I can't. Got it." 

"I'm old; there's no use," he said with a shrug. "However, you have a whole life ahead of you."

"You make it sound like you're on a deathbed," you teased, taking a playful jab at Pedro's dramatic statement. He smirked and took a long drag from his cigarette before responding. "Maybe I am, in a way. But hey, we all gotta go someday, right?" 

"That's...dark," you sighed. "mind if we changed the subject?" 

"Sure, what do you want to talk about?" Pedro asked, flicking the ash from his cigarette. "Anything to distract me from my impending doom," he added with a smirk. 

A laugh escaped your lips as you thought of a lighter topic. "How about we discuss your play?"  Pedro's eyes lit up at the suggestion, momentarily forgetting about his earlier morbid thoughts. 

"How are you feeling about your performance?"

Pedro looked at you for a little too long before finally responding, "It's funny I'm thinking about death because I've never felt more alive than on that stage." 

"I could tell. I thought you were great, P." 

He shook his head modestly. "Thanks, but I still feel like there's room for improvement. I want to push myself even further in the next shows." 

"I get that." 

Pedro watched you stare at the ground. His thoughts began to conspire against him, and as he was about to speak, you also looked up and opened your mouth at the same time. Words rushed out in unison.

You both paused, realizing you had interrupted each other. Pedro chuckled tentatively and motioned for you to go ahead. "Sorry, you first," he said with a polite smile. 

You bit your lip, seemingly trying to gather your thoughts. "It's nothing. I just wanted to tell you I'll be in Europe for awhile. I got the Nolan movie."  

"Woah, another one?" 

"Yup. The role isn't as big as in interstellar, but I love working with him so much I couldn't pass up the opportunity."  Pedro nodded, a mix of excitement and disappointment flickering across his face. "That's amazing; congratulations. I'm sure you'll do great, as always," he said sincerely. "I'll definitely miss having you around, though." 

"Well, it's not like it'll be much different than now," you replied. "I haven't seen you since...since you know,"  your expression turned somber, cheeks flushed. 

You were right. He was so busy with the play and his new role in the second installment of Wonder Woman that he barely had any time. He even had to cut back on his time on set for The Mandalorian reshoots this month and a few scenes for a second season that haven't even been announced. 

"Yeah, I know." 

"Should we talk about it?" 

"I mean, there's nothing to talk about, really," Pedro said with a shrug, not daring to look you in the eye. "We slept together, and we both agreed that was it. No need to complicate things further." he tried to maintain a casual tone, but his voice wavered slightly. 

Pedro wanted to scream. The nicotine clouding his lungs was the only thing keeping him from losing control. It seemed like all he was left with was a painful reminder of what could have been. He looked at you as he took another puff of smoke. Your eyes clearly searching for a trace of emotion in his face, but finding none. 

A droplet of rain landed on Pedro's cheek as he inhaled deeply, feeling the coolness against his skin. It was as if the universe was reflecting his inner turmoil, adding to the weight of his unspoken words. He watched as you looked up at the darkening sky, the raindrops falling steadily on your hair. 

The sound of thunder echoed in the distance, mirroring the storm brewing within him. He dropped the cigarrette from his hand, its ember extinguished by the rain.

"Isn't that the point of love, though?" you finally responded, your voice raspy and drunk with bitterness and resignation. "To complicate things, to make us question everything, to drive us to the brink of madness. Maybe it's not meant to be simple, Pedro." 

His body tensed up, and your words clearly struck a nerve. The weight of your statement hung heavy in the air, leaving an uncomfortable silence between you both. It was no secret that his perspective on love had been tainted by past experiences, leaving him guarded and unwilling to let go of his pain. 

"You're right. Which is why I would rather stay away from it. I've seen firsthand the havoc it can wreak on people's lives," Pedro admitted, his voice laced with a hint of frustration. He knows he's hurting you; he can see it by the way your eyes glisten with unshed tears. 

"So that's it, then?" you asked, your voice trembling. "Is this how it is always going to be?"

But he can't risk it. "I thought we were on the same page with this." 

He sees how your jaw tightens at his statement. He knows he's hurting you. He's twisting the knife even deeper. He can't seem to stop just because he believes it's for the better. 

Please know it's for the better. 

"Yeah, I guess it's better this way," you spat back, your voice filled with anger. Of course, you could tell exactly how he was feeling. 

"Guys! What the fuck are you doing outside? It's fucking pouring!" A friend shouts from the doorway. "Get inside!" 

You both stood there staring at each other, momentarily forgetting the rain pouring down around you. 

“Yeah. What the fuck are we doing?" you say, not even trying to mask the anger in your voice. 

He wants to reach out and kiss you. Kiss you so hard that his lips would bruise. Kiss you so hard that your pain will fade away. But that action would go against everything he had just said. 

So he just watches you turn around and leave. 

What the fuck is he doing?

3 months later

After weeks of shooting in the United Kingdom and the Amalfi Coast, you and the crew finally had a couple of days off. Aaron, John, and Rob had the brilliant idea to take a quick trip to Monaco. 

“It’s a Grand Prix weekend,” Aaron said excitedly. “Maybe if we make a few calls, we could still snag some passes.” 

“Doesn’t that start this week?” Rob inquired, taking a sip of his drink. Ever since your arrival in Italy, the four of you finally got the chance to eat dinner together at a nice restaurant. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Aaron waved his hands in the air, “but if we leave tomorrow, there’s plenty of time to get there and enjoy ourselves.” 

You were so focused on your meal that you missed the sound of your name coming from Aaron’s mouth. “Hellooo?” he continued, and you looked up at him, eyebrows raised. “Aren’t you friends with Lewis Hamilton?” 

“Yeah. Well, I mean, we see each other sometimes at events and stuff. He’s really nice,” you tell him, still feeling a bit distracted. 

“Could you maybe give him a call and get us those passes?” he asks, pouting like a puppy. John laughs at him, hitting him lightly on the arm. 

“Sure, I can try,” you reply, feeling a bit hesitant. You rarely ask for special favors and don't want to come across as entitled, even more so when you haven't spoken to Lewis in so long. 

“Yes!” Aaron celebrates by raising his fists. "Um, one more thing,"

“Mate, you’re pushing it now,” Rob remarks with a playful tone. You can tell he's enjoying the banter between you and Aaron. 

“Go on,” you gesture at him to continue, a smile on your face. 

“Could we also use your PP?” 

“Use her what now?” John exclaims. Laughter erupts from Rob's mouth, making you and John join in. 

“Her private plane, mate!” Aaron says, embarrassed. 

“Yes, Aaron,” you get out, still laughing. “I’ll let you use my PP.”

"Thank you!" 

•••

The flight to Monaco was smooth and quick. You spent most of it trying to focus on a script for a project after this one while the boys all slept. After your dinner last night, you made two calls: one to Lewis to ask about the passes and one to your publicist to let her know about your last-minute adventure. 

Lewis was very nice as usual and said that, of course, he can get you the passes, while your agent said attending an F1 weekend would be good publicity and good fun. A win-win situation, she called it. She also said that since you were going to attend the race, you might as well attend all the events that come with it, which meant she had to fly in to assist you.

By the time the plane finally landed and you made it to the hotel, you were worn out. You spent the rest of the afternoon and night sleeping, without a care in the world. The next day, soft knocks on the door woke you up. 

"It's me,"  Taylor's voice called out. 

You groggily got out of bed and opened the door to find her standing there with her laptop, a cup of coffee, and a huge smile on her face. "Good morning, sleeping beauty." 

Although you hadn't passed a mirror on your way to answer the door, you had the feeling that you didn't look visually appealing at the moment. Your body ached, like you wrestled with a wild animal all night and lost. 

"Did you just get here?" you ask her, rubbing the sleep from your eyes. She smiles and shakes her head. "I got here late last night, but you weren't answering the phone, so I called Renata instead, and she said you were sleeping. And like the great person I am, I let you rest." Renata is your PA/publicist, a great friend, and one of the two constants in your life, along with Taylor. 

"Wow, so kind of you," you say sarcastically, but can't help the small smile that tugs at the corners of your mouth. "Come in." 

As Taylor enters, you shut the door behind her. She scans the space in fascination. There are floor-to-ceiling windows on the wall that run the length of the room and the wall to your left, which is behind the dining room table. A broad view of the harbor can be seen between the sheer, white, fluttering lengths of the floating curtains. 

"Gorgeous suite," she says, sitting on the plush sofa across the room. 

"Ren always chooses the best rooms, so yes," you tell her, sinking once again into your warm bed. 

"You're still tired? You've slept for like 16 hours already," she chuckles, pouring herself a glass of water from the crystal pitcher on the side table. "I know, but I guess the jetlag is hitting me harder than I thought," you reply with a yawn, closing your eyes and taking a deep breath of the fragrant flowers on the nightstand. 

"You didn't come to Monaco to sleep, did you?" Taylor chuckles, sitting down on the edge of the bed. 

"Yes?" 

"No! We have a full itinerary planned for today, starting with breakfast at Café de Paris across the street with the boys. And then we're off to the Hotel de Paris for a F1 brunch event. There will be lots of food, drinks, and hot guys. Specifically, hot F1 drivers," you groan-laugh inwardly at the thought of dragging yourself out of bed so early for the sake of hot guys. "You know that's the last thing on my mind, right?" 

"Well, not on mine!" she replies with a wink. "But seriously, it's not just about the eye candy. The event is also for a good cause, raising funds for a local charity. And it's also a great place to network and meet new people—you know the drill." You nod in agreement, feeling more motivated to attend, knowing that it's for a meaningful purpose. 

With a determined sigh, you sit up and swing your legs over the edge of the bed. "Okay, I'll shower."

"Let me call Renata and tell her to prep the car and get the glam team in here." 

"Thank you," you tell her, disappearing into the bathroom. 

•••

Two hours later, you find yourself entering the venue of a charity event with your very impatient and rather enthusiastic co-star and best friend, Aaron. The venue is buzzing with excitement as you take in the elegant decorations and the well-dressed attendees. Since it's Monaco in May, you're sporting a light blue strapless top and white linen pants that complement the warm weather and the sophisticated atmosphere of the event.

"I can't believe Rob and John sat this one out because they were 'too tired', Aaron remarks, shaking his head in disbelief. 

"Well, they don't have the energy of a 5-year-old, unlike you," you tease, playfully nudging him. "But hey, more champagne for us," you add with a mischievous grin as you grab two glasses of champagne from a passing waiter. "Cheers."

The bubbles tickle your nose as you take a sip, savoring the crisp and refreshing taste. 

Camera flashes illuminate the room as people mingle and engage in lively conversations. You're stopped every 5 minutes by someone wanting to take a picture with you. You oblige every time with a smile, posing for each photo and exchanging pleasantries. After all, that's why you're here for. 

Everything was going smoothly until someone bumped into you, causing you to spill champagne all over your clothes. The cold liquid seeps mostly through the fabric of your top, leaving a sticky sensation against your skin. 

"Oh, my bad," you hear a thick Australian accent apologize. You turn to see a rather tall, tan-skinned, handsome man with a sheepish grin on his face. Did you say how handsome he was? And what the fuck was he smiling for? 

Once he realizes who you are, his eyes widen in surprise and anguish. People start noticing the commotion and turn their attention towards the two of you. The man quickly grabs your arm and pulls you away from the crowd, his grip firm but gentle. 

"Hey! Where are you taking me!" you protest, trying to free your arm from his grasp. His grip tightens slightly, but he maintains a calm demeanor as he leads you towards a quieter corner. As you reach a bathroom, he finally releases his hold on you and takes a step back, his expression filled with concern. 

"Relax, I'm not kidnapping you." 

The chaos around you fades into the background as he shuts the door and starts grabbing paper towels. "Shit, here," he says, handing you one. "Sorry for ruining your clothes."  

You start wiping the spilled drink off your clothes, a little annoyed at the inconvenience. You can feel his gaze burning into you without looking. 

"Do ya want me to give you mine?" he offers, gesturing towards his own shirt. "It might be a bit big on you, but at least it's dry." he pauses, waiting for your response. 

You stare at him. "And what? you're going to walk around shirtless?" you ask, raising an eyebrow. He chuckles. "Yeah, I have a banging body, so I'll just be doing everybody here a favor here, really," he replies with a smirk. 

You roll your eyes at his cocky remark. "I think I'll manage without your shirt, thanks," you say sarcastically. "But I appreciate the offer." 

He laughs as he observes you. "Okay, then let me find another way to make it up to you." 

"There's no need."

"Do you have plans tonight?"

"I'm fine."

"Does 7 p.m. sound good to you?"

"Listen—"

"Where are you staying?" 

"I don't even know you."

"It's Daniel."

"Okay, Daniel. I don't know you, so no."

"But you could," he says with a playful glint in his eyes. "And who knows, it could be the start of something new." 

"Are you quoting High School Musical to me?" 

"Hey, it's a classic. And it was right there." 

You chuckle, unable to resist his charm. Something lights up in his eyes. 

"Listen, I won't push you anymore. It's up to you. Can't blame me for trying, though." you raise an eyebrow, considering his words. 

"I'm going to go now," you tell him, pointing at the door. 

He nods understandingly. "See ya later."

•••

After about 30 more minutes of indulging everyone in conversation and enjoying the party, Lewis Hamilton finds you. "Hi sweetie, there you are," he greets you, ever so polite. "I heard chatter that you were here. I thought I wouldn't see you until tomorrow's practice sessions." 

"Oh yeah, but you know duty calls," you say with a smile as you lean in to hug him. "It's so nice to see you. Thanks again for the passes." 

"Oh, it's nothing. You would've gotten them without me, but I'm glad you called me instead. How have you been enjoying Monaco so far?" 

"Good, good—" you begin, but before you can finish your sentence, a burst of laughter you recognize from earlier erupts from across the room. "Actually, do you happen to know him?" you ask Lewis, gesturing with your head towards the source of laughter. Daniel is joyfully engaged in conversation with a group of people. Lewis follows your gaze and chuckles, "Ah, that's Daniel Ricciardo. He's a fellow Formula 1 driver and quite the character, to be honest. He's a cool dude." 

"Huh," is all you manage to say as you watch Daniel animatedly tell a story, his infectious laughter filling the room. 

"What are we looking at?" Renata and Aaron find you and join the conversation; their curiosity is piqued. 

"Nothing," you quickly respond. Renata immediately caught on to your evasive response and followed your gaze. "Oh, Daniel?" she exclaims, voice hushed and her eyes glinting with excitement. 

"Wait, you know who he is?"

"I did my homework on the plane. He drives for Renault, and he looks great doing it."

Lewis and Aaron chuckle at Renata's enthusiasm, sharing in her excitement. "I think Renata will be watching a few races from now on," Lewis remarks, causing everyone to laugh. Renata shrugs, a proud smile on her face. "Trust me, I will, but not for him. Have you heard of Charles Leclerc?" 

You're still staring at Daniel, dumbfounded. Wheels are turning in your mind. 

Aaron's voice interrupts your thoughts. "So...why are we still staring at him?" 

"I'm going on a date with him tonight." 

Your own declaration surprises you. 

"Wait, you are?" both of your friends say in unison, their eyes widening with curiosity. 

"Yes," you say, setting down your drink. "You guys ready to go now?" 

They nodded, not wanting to press further but clearly intrigued by this, and you said your goodbyes to Lewis, promising to see him on Friday at the track. As you made your way to the exit, you grabbed Daniel by the arm and pulled him aside. 

"Hotel Hermitage, 7 p.m., Room 303. Don't be late," you whispered, voice calm and steady. Daniel's mouth curled into a smile, but he maintained his composure and nodded, a feeling of excitement in his gaze. With a final pat on his shoulder, you rejoined your friends and headed out of the venue, eager for the evening ahead. 

•••

You don't know what the hell you were thinking when you said yes. You could feel your anxiety building as the time approached—face flushed, stomach twisting in knots. James and Liz, your hair and makeup team, paused, laying out brushes and curling wands. "Everything okay, love?" James asked. "You want us out?" 

"No, keep going. You're almost done, anyway. I'm just internally freaking out a little." 

"You're great and look beautiful," Liz replied. "There's nothing to worry about."

You give her a tight smile and try to believe her words, but the nagging doubts continue to linger in the back of your mind. As the final touches are applied, you take a deep breath and say your goodbyes to them. 

"Good luck and have fun!" James says as Liz winks at you and closes the door. You chuckle at their enthusiasm. You walk back into the bedroom and pick up the black cocktail dress hanging on the closet door. The soft fabric feels comforting against your fingertips as you slip it on. The dress hugs your curves perfectly, accentuating your best features. You grab your clutch and check yourself in the mirror one last time. 

A knock on the door startles you. "Coming!" 

Breathe, you remind yourself. 

"Wow," Daniel says with a warm smile. "You look absolutely stunning. Are you ready to go?"  

You're sure your face must look like a tomato as you thank Daniel for the compliment. 

"Yes, let's." 

As you reach the entrance of the hotel, Daniel hands the valet a ticket, and he opens the door of his car for you. "My lady," he says with a playful bow. You can't help but feel a rush of excitement as you step into the very flashy luxury car. For an F1 driver, you didn't expect anything less. The soft leather seats hug your body as you settle in, and the sleek interior design adds to the overall opulence of the vehicle. Daniel starts the engine, and the car glides smoothly onto the road. 

"Where are you taking me?" 

He looks at you with a mischevious grin plastered on his face. "My friend Max is throwing a yatch party tonight, and I thought it would be the perfect way to spend the night," he says, revving the engine slightly. "But I intend to dine and wine you before we head there." 

"Oh," you reply nonchalantly, "Nice."

"Still playing hard to get?"

You shrug and give him a grin. 

"That's alright. I enjoy a good challenge," he replies, his eyes sparkling. "But I have a feeling that by the end of the week, you won't be able to resist my charm." He winks at you. 

"You're quite confident, aren't you?" you say, raising an eyebrow. "But don't underestimate my ability to resist." You smirk back at him, ready to prove him wrong. 

The car pulls up to the entrance of the restaurant, and you both step out onto the bustling street. You make your way inside. "Oh, I've been here before," you say lowly, feeling a little satisfied that it is something you've experienced already, so it's harder for him to impress you. 

You couldn't have been more wrong, though. 

The hostess greets you with a warm smile and leads you to the main dining area. As you follow her, you can't help but notice it's....empty. Not a single table is occupied. The dimly lit room feels intimate and cozy, with soft music playing in the background and red roses adorning each table.  

The hostess gestures towards a table in the middle of the room. "The waiter will be with you shortly," she says before leaving you alone. 

You turn around, facing Daniel. "Did you rent out the entire restaurant for us?" you ask, slightly surprised. Daniel chuckles and shakes his head. "No, I just made a reservation for a quiet evening," he replies. 

"You're an awful liar."

"I just saw how hectic everything was for you this morning, with all the pictures and people clamoring for your attention. I wanted to give you a break from that and create a peaceful vibe for us to enjoy tonight," Daniel explains, his eyes filled with sincerity. 

You smile. "That's very thoughtful. Thank you."

"I have my moments." 

The night continues with the two of you enjoying the delicious food and engaging in fun and light conversation. The peaceful atmosphere allows you both to relax and truly connect with each other. 

Just what you needed but didn't realize until now. 

"You're literally always smiling," you tell him. In the very short time you've known Daniel, there's something constant about him: his distinctive smile. Daniel chuckles and replies, "It's amazing what surgery can do. Formula 1 pays really well, and I was able to put a lot of that money into permanent smile surgery."

You burst out laughing. "Well, they did a great job," you say, still chuckling.

•••

You glided arm in arm onto the yatch, dry martinis in hand and a revolving stream of waitstaff to refill your drinks as soon as they emptied. You feel more relaxed and comfortable now. Maybe it was the three glasses of wine you had at dinner and the drink that's currently in your hand, or maybe it was the contagious laughter and carefree attitude of your date. 

Cote d'Azur was a smooth wash of precious stones at this time of year. The ocean's deep, smoky blue stretched out like a shiny carpet. Loud music blasted from the speakers, and the upper deck was transformed into a vibrant dance floor with people spinning and swaying to the beat. 

You wished you could rest your head on Daniel's shoulder without looking like you were already drunk. 

He excitedly introduced you to his friends, who instantly made you feel like part of their tight-knit circle. As the night progressed, you found yourself effortlessly blending in. 

"So how did this insufferable clown manage to take you out on a date?" Max asked, his voice loud over the booming music. 

You shared a brief glance with Daniel. "He spilled champagne all over me."

"And then she couldn't help but fall for my charming personality and good looks," Daniel interjected with a playful grin. 

"Yes, that's exactly what happened." 

Daniel puts a hand on your lower back, and you mindlessly lean into his touch. "You wanna go outside for a bit?" 

The need for some fresh air and a break from the crowded room causes you to hum in agreement. You leaned over and observed the white waves as they cut through the water as you came across a section of railing near the stern of the yatch. 

The sound of the waves crashing against the yacht provided a soothing soundtrack to your conversation. As you leaned against the railing, Daniel's playful banter continued. 

"Are you having fun?" 

"Very much so," you replied, a smile tugging at the corners of your lips. 

"So I'm winning sooner than I thought I would."

"Winning what exactly, Daniel?" you asked, raising an eyebrow playfully. "The game of enjoying this beautiful yacht ride? Then yes, I suppose you are." 

He laughed, but it wasn't his usual boisterous laugh. It was a softer, more genuine sound that made your heart flutter. 

He came closer. "Would you like me to whisper it in your ear?" 

As he leaned in, you could feel the warmth of his presence enveloping you. His eyes were locked with yours. 

"You're falling for me," he whispered, his voice husky. The words sent a shiver down your spine, confirming what you had been trying to deny for the past hour or so. Not because you didn't find him charming or attractive, but because you felt like you were betraying the person who broke your heart months ago. 

How can someone break your heart if it wasn't theirs to begin with? 

You push back those thoughts. 

The playful banter that played out all night faded into the background as a new energy filled the air, sparking a connection between the two of you that was impossible to ignore. 

You give in. 

"You think?" 

He nods, his eyes dark. Your hands were encircling his neck, one at the nape of his neck and the other against the side, where you could feel his heart pounding beneath the pads of your fingers. Your fingers scraped at bristled hairs as you held onto his curls, and you enjoyed the feel of them rubbing against the pads of your fingers. You were tightly gripping him in your hands, not allowing even a millimeter to pass.

Daniel couldn’t decide where to touch you. You huffed a breath against his mouth as the lightest of touches - the barest featherweight of fingertips, like your skin was made of silk, traced along the curve of your jawline. The sensation sent shivers down your spine, making you crave more of his touch. His fingers continued their exploration, trailing down the nape of your neck, leaving a trail of tingling sensations in their wake. 

He had pressed you against the railing at your back with no warning, and you felt the firm pressure of it. And now you arose from it, attempting to cling to every bone-hard surface of Daniel's body. His lips found yours in a passionate kiss, igniting a fire within you that consumed all rational thought.

"People are watching," you whispered breathlessly, breaking the kiss reluctantly. Daniel's eyes met yours, filled with a mix of desire and mischief. He smirked, his hand sliding down your waist possessively. 

"Let them."

You were so fucked. 

•••

You’d barely been able to breathe these past couple of days with events and rendezvous with Daniel consuming your every waking moments. It was fast paced and you found yourself completely swept up in the whirlwind of emotions. He was showing you his world and you were willingly diving headfirst into it. 

It was Saturday morning, which meant is qualifying day and despite all of the media commitments and preparation that Daniel had to do, he’d promised breakfast as a way to make up for it. So here you were at a cafe only a short walk from the circuit, chewing your way through a delicious stack of pancakes while Daniel sipped on his coffee. 

It felt oddly comforting to be sitting there with him. He was a stranger to you just a few days ago, but now he feels like a familiar presence. The conversations flowed effortlessly between you; he was funny, attentive, and attentive, but most importantly, he wasn't afraid of showing you off and telling you how much he liked you. 

From the moment you crossed paths, he showed interest in you and made an effort. You haven't questioned whether he genuinely liked you or not. It was nice to be with someone who didn't play games or hide their feelings. 

Your mind has also found a new way to torture you: whenever you felt happy with Daniel, a nagging voice in the back of your head would remind you of him. 

Him. Him. Him. 

You couldn't even say or think of his name. It was too much.  

And yes, you were content, but you couldn't help but think about it. 

The first time you tasted Daniel's lips, you were let down it wasn't the same. That feeling of disappointment lingered, but as days passed, it dissipated more and more. Maybe one day it'll be gone completely, you thought. 

"So let me get this straight," you say, putting your fork and knife down on the plate. "You were on your way to winning in 2016, but a pit stop error cost you the race?" 

Daniel nods. "It haunted me for so long. I couldn't shake off the frustration."

You grab your coffee and lean back on the chair, listening intently. "It was very dark. I should've been happy because I was on the podium in Monaco, and that's huge, but I was miserable. The whole time, all I wanted to do was smash everything to pieces and scream, which is something you do not want to do in front of Monaco royalty, by the way." 

You raise an eyebrow, intrigued by Daniel's emotional upheaval. This was clearly a pivotal moment for him. "So, what finally helped you move past that?" you ask, curious to hear his response. 

"Well," Daniel begins, a hint of a smile playing on his lips. "I won last year." 

"Yeah, that'll do it." 

You both laugh, and he places a hand on your knee beneath the table. "But honestly," he continues, his voice softening. "It wasn't just about winning. It was about proving to myself that I could overcome my own limitations and achieve greatness." 

"So...winning basically," you respond, teasingly. 

"See, I wanted to be humble about it, but let's be real, winning felt pretty damn good," Daniel admits with a sheepish grin. "I love winning."  

You snort in amusement, "Well, I guess a little bit of bragging rights never hurt anyone." 

You two carry on with your meals. His left hand still on your knee, and the air filled with contentment. 

•••

While Daniel returned from the qualifying weigh-in, you waited at the back of the garage. You had gradually gotten to know the Renault team over the previous two days. Everyone, from the mechanics to the media team, has been friendly and welcoming to you. You're still trying to decide whether it's because of Daniel, your status, or that they were just nice. Pretty sure it was all three. 

You were aware that it would be best for you to stay out of the way as the team worked and the broadcasting teams were filming in and around the pit lane, but you were unable to hide in Daniel's prep room. At the back of the garage, you found a calm area where you could watch the busy activity without being a nuisance. 

You were aware that, although you might have been in the VIP sections, you couldn't be that far away from him. You were able to feel more connected to Daniel and the team's spirit by spending time in the garage.

The phone had been ringing nonstop all day in the back pocket of your pants; the screen frequently flashed with new notifications from your social media accounts or texts or calls from friends and family. You were aware that the countless pictures of Daniel and you parading through Monaco were the root of the problem. 

It was truly a sight to behold to be watching him race around the track and walk around the paddock. 

He was in his element. 

"You look cute, baby," he says, referring to the oversized headseat on your head. His face flushed from the heat, and yours from the compliment. His hair was messy and a little damp from sweat, evidence of the intense racing. He looked perfect. 

Fuck. 

He leaned in for a kiss, his lips brushing against yours, electricity rushing through you. 

Fuck. 

"I think you're winning," you say, your eyes fixed on him. 

"Aw, that's sweet of you, baby, but I didn't qualify that great," he chuckles, his eyes twinkling with amusement. 

"That's not what I meant."

His face is puzzled for a moment before realization dawns on him. He smirks, his signature smile spreading across his face. "Oh," he says, his voice filled with warmth and affection. 

"Yeah," you say, barely above a whisper, your eyes never leaving his. 

"I told you so," he replies, his voice filled with confidence and pride. 

"Shut up," you say playfully before kissing him again.

Fuck. 

You were falling for him. 

a/n: oh oh pedro...someone's stealing your girl. are you guys team pedro or team daniel?

Reblog or like if you enjoyed it! thank you for reading :)

[johnsbleu]

Hold My Hand: John Wick x Reader Chapter 172

warnings: nsfw hmh masterlist

In exactly nine days, you and John will be married for two years (together for three) and Ronan will be one! It’s all coming up so fast, and you’re so excited for her first birthday! She’s gotten so big and has learned so much this past year, and motherhood has been a joy to experience. Parenthood has been a freaking rollercoaster of emotions, but it’s been a blast with John by your side. He’s such a great dad, and Ronan just adores him. It never ceases to amaze you how effortlessly John slipped into his new role as a dad and how naturally it all came to him--he was made for this!

Since the first week of September is a little busy with John’s birthday, Ronan’s birthday, and your anniversary, you’ve been nervous as to how you’re going to take the time to celebrate everything. Thankfully, you and John came up with a plan.

Today is the 28th of August, and you’ll be leaving tomorrow morning for the Bahamas to celebrate John’s birthday and your anniversary. You’ll be coming home on the 4th so that you’re home in time for Ronan’s birthday. You spent the last two weeks going over every single detail, and it’ll all be perfect. You’ve bought all the decorations for it, and everything is going to be just fine!

“Swimsuits!” you gasp as you sit on the floor in front of the dresser, “It’s on a beach, so we need swimsuits.”

“Did I tell you it was on a beach?”

You look over your shoulder at him packing his bag and squint your eyes, “It’s the Bahamas. Of course it’s on the beach.”

John laughs, “I forgot I told you that.”

It was the best option to go somewhere that wasn’t out of your timezone so when Ronan is ready for bed, you and John can FaceTime and see her. Also, if something happened, the trip home would be a quick one. Plus the weather is going to get cool soon, so it’s nice that it’ll be warm where you’re going.

“Seven days in the Bahamas with my peach,” John says as he leans down to kiss the top of your head, “Can’t wait.”

“We decided no gifts, right?” you ask, and John nods his head. You hold his gaze and squint again, and he starts to laugh. You groan, “John! No gifts!”

John puts his hands up in defense, “I just saw something that you’d like.”

“Second anniversary is cotton,” you hold his gaze, “It’s not lingerie, is it?”

“Well, the traditional gift is cotton. Modern is china--I didn’t buy you plates.” he says, and you let out a small laugh, “But no, it’s not lingerie.”

You hum as you look at him, “Okay, well, don’t get too excited about your gift. I promise it’s not groundbreaking.”

“It’s the thought that counts,” John says, leaning down to kiss you again. “I’m gonna get Ronan.”

You nod your head and put some swimsuits aside, then you get up and rush to join John as he gets Ronan up from her nap.

__

Ronan somehow always knows when she’s not going to see you for a day or two, because she clings like crazy. She’s currently clinging to your legs as you walk around and pack her bag. When John comes into the room, she runs over to cling to him instead.

“Are you excited to hang out with Finny for a few days?” John asks, and Ronan nods her head, “Then you’re gonna go stay with Grandma and Grandpa.”

You look over at them sitting on the rocking chair, “They have so much stuff planned for you, bug. You’re going to have so much fun!”

Ronan scoots out of John’s lap and babbles as she runs over to you, then she clings to your legs. You look at John and laugh, and he gets off the chair and gets some toys for her to play with so you can finish getting her bag packed. John’s phone rings in his pocket a few moments later, and he presses it to his ear.

“Hello? Hi. Um, yes, it always is. It’s heated.” he says, and you look over at him, “You have a key, don’t you? Yeah, we don’t mind. Of course I don’t. Because you never believe me when I say it’s okay!”

You furrow your brow and sit down on your knees in front of him as he laughs, “Who is that?”

“Your sister,” he says, and you laugh. “She wants to know if she can go swimming while we’re gone.”

“Of course you can!” you say when John puts his phone on speaker, “You know where everything is, you're welcome to come over whenever.”

Tess laughs, “Hey, don’t tempt me, I might just stay there while you’re gone.”

“Me too!” Jimmy yells from the back. “You two excited to go?”

“Yeah,” John smiles as he looks at you, “We’re getting Ro’s bag packed right now.”

You hug Ronan tight when she sits in your lap, “She’s super excited to stay at the Hendricks’ house! She’s very excited to see her silly Uncle Jimmy.”

Ronan loves Jimmy. Ronan loves everyone, but lately she is just in love with Jimmy. Daddy is and always will be number one, so John definitely never has to worry. But Jimmy is her new favorite right now, probably because he’s so wild and does anything to get a laugh from her--even if it’s at his own expense. One day, he nearly knocked himself out doing something stupid to get a big laugh from Ro and Finn. Tess called John and had him rush over since she thought Jimmy had a concussion. He had a minor one but he was fine, and he even got Tess loving on him hardcore the rest of the night.

“We’re excited to have her. Finn and I already got some treats and games to play,” Tess says, and Ronan looks up at you. “You’ll be back on the fourth?”

“Yup. We already got everything done for her birthday party, I just need you to grab her cake on the fourth--two cakes, actually. One is her smash cake. I don’t think we’ll be back in time.” you say, and Ronan looks up at you again at the mention of cake. You press a kiss to the top of her head and hug her, “But everything else is taken care of. We’ll decorate that night and in the morning, then it’s Ro’s first birthday!”

Ronan claps her hands and walks over to climb onto John, and he hands his phone to you before he lays down on his stomach and lets her crawl onto his back.

“We just have to finish packing, then we’ll drop her off in the morning.”

“Yeah, sounds good.” Tess says, and you lay down next to John. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

You prop your head up and look at John, “Yeah, see you tomorrow. Bye.”

John smiles as he holds your gaze, then he reaches over and tucks your hair behind your ear, “I love you.”

“I love you,” you smile, then you let out a grunt when Ronan jumps onto your back. “She sure is a solid baby.”

“Yeah, she loves food.”

You roll over to your back and laugh when she sits on your stomach, “We love a chunky babe though.”

“We do,” John smiles, then he scratches his fingers over Ronan’s tummy as she giggles, drool running down her chin.

Ronan crawls off of you and toddles over to her toys, then she starts pulling things out to play with. John groans as he gets up, then he reaches down for your hands to help you up, kissing your cheek once you regain your footing. He smooths your hair back and scratches the back of your head for a moment, and he smiles when you hum.

“I’m going to finish packing my bag.” he says, and you smile at him, “Not long now, Mrs. Wick, and you’re all mine.”

“Well,” you look at him and smile, “I always am.”

John gives you a little wink, and your stomach flutters as you giggle like a schoolgirl.

__

Dropping off Ronan went better than you expected. You expected tears and screaming, but there were none. From Ronan anyway. You sobbed for the ten minutes to the airport. John held your hand and told you that everything would be okay. You knew that, of course, but it still sucks to leave her. He was a little sad too. You just miss her when you’re gone. You’ll see her every night when you FaceTime, and you’ll be back soon, but she’s your little baby. Ronan, on the other hand, probably won’t give two shits that you and John are gone. She has Grandma and Grandpa to hang out with, plus Aunt Tess, Uncle Jimmy, and her besties, Finn, Bleu and Sadie. She’s going to have a blast.

John pulled into the small private airport shortly after dropping Ronan off, and you’d stopped crying by then. He helped the pilot and the co-pilot pack the bags, then he made sure you were feeling okay before taking off. You’ve flown several times now, but your anxiety hasn’t gone away. John does his best to try and take your mind off of it, and for the most part, he does a really good job.

Now John’s currently reading a book while you sit there looking out the window. He hasn’t let go of your thigh since takeoff. In fact, you’re both still buckled in.

“Do you ever worry that we’re leaving Ronan too much?”

From the corner of your eye, you can see John look over at you, even though you’re looking out the window of the plane. He squeezes your hand a little and leans over to kiss your shoulder, and you look at him.

“Last time we were away from her was back in May when we went to Paris. We were away from her for a few days, then she was back with us.”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

John shakes his head, “No, I don’t. I think it’s very healthy that we have time for ourselves. Ronan is still pretty young, and even if she were five years old, I still think it would be good for us to get away to have some alone time. She’ll appreciate that when she’s older. Hopefully, she’ll see how we treat one another and know what is healthy in a relationship, and that’s what she’ll seek.”

“So, you don’t think she’ll be upset with me?”

“Why would she be upset with you?”

You start to laugh, “Because I’m taking her daddy away from her.”

“Baby,” he turns to you and reaches for both of your hands, “She loves you just as much as she loves me.”

“I just don’t think that’s true,” you say, laughing quietly. “I mean, okay, yeah, it probably is. I just don’t want her to be like ‘you and dad always left me when I was a baby.’”

John furrows his brow as he laughs, “She must have incredible memory then, because I’m pretty sure she won’t remember that we left her with family for a week while we celebrated our anniversary.”

“Stop making sense, Jonathan.”

“No, look at me,” he says, and you look at him, “I guarantee that Ronan will appreciate this when she’s older. We’re not just setting an example for when it comes to being a decent human being, we’re setting an example of what she should expect when it comes to her relationships. She deserves someone who will be there for her. She deserves someone who will love her even more after having a child--if that’s what she wants. She deserves someone who will love and respect her, someone who will listen to her and protect her. She deserves everything that you deserve, that everyone deserves.”

You let out a small chuckle, “There you go with your Wick Wisdom. Your Wicks-dom.”

“You hang out with Jimmy too much.” he says, laughing when you looked so pleased with yourself.

“You really are so smart though because all of that made sense.” you say, then you playfully glare at him, “It’s annoying.”

John tucks your hair behind your ear as he smiles, “A healthy household begins with a healthy marriage, and I’ll be damned if I ever fuck this up.”

“You do a very good job at loving us, babe.”

“That’s all I could ever ask for.” he whispers as he leans over to kiss your temple, “As long as my girls are happy and know that they’re loved immensely by me, that’s all I need.”

“You are loved immensely by your girls,” you lean over and rest your head on his shoulder as he intertwines his fingers with yours. “By the way, you give me everything that I deserve. I hope I’m able to give you what you deserve.”

John rests his cheek on the top of your head, “Of course you do. We were made for each other, remember? We’re soulmates.”

You laugh quietly as you close your eyes, “You’re so corny, but I believe you.”

__

**

Our first day here, we really didn’t do much. We arrived at the house and just hung out on the beach, watching the sunset and drinking some wine. It was nice, and I think Y/N enjoyed it as well. I’ve never seen her laughing and smiling so much. It’s really nice to see her at ease and not having anything to worry about.

I look over at her as we walk down the beach now, and she smiles when she looks up at me. She leans up and kisses me a few times, then she hugs my bicep in her arms.

“It’s so beautiful here,” she says, walking along the shore. The bottom of her dress is wet as a result of the water, but she doesn’t seem to mind. “And warm.”

“Yeah, it’s nice.” I say, and she kicks a little water at me.

I laugh as she splashes water at me, then she takes off running down the beach. She holds her dress up and steps further into the water, raising her eyebrows and challenging me. She doesn’t think I’ll get in the water. I step forward into the water, and she screams with laughter as she runs away from me, and I chase after her. She heads deeper into the water and throws her arms around my neck when I get to her, and we kiss as the water crashes around us.

“God, I love you.” I whisper, smoothing her hair away from her face, “You’ve made me the happiest man on this planet.”

“Really?”

I nod, “Yeah. I can’t imagine my life without you.”

Y/N wraps her arms around my waist and smiles, then she watches as I reach down and undo the button on her dress as the waves continue to crash around us, knocking her into me a little. She bites her lip and looks up at me as I pull her dress open a little, and I start to smile when I see the light blue lace of her bra.

“Is this new?” I ask, and she nods in response. “And you’ve been hiding it from me all this time?”

“No, I was just waiting for you to discover it. I knew you’d find it by the end of the night.”

I laugh, “And if I hadn’t?”

“Well, I’d give you a few hints.” she says, and I raise my brows and smile as I lean down to kiss her. “If you take me back to the house right now, I’ll let you do whatever you want to me, wherever you want.”

There’s a table in the kitchen that I want to take her on so badly, so I lift her up and carry her over my shoulder as she laughs.

__

We’ve been walking around all day and I’m so ready to just go back to the house and eat. I’m ready to put my feet up on the back porch and watch the sunset with my peach, but she has other plans. She’s been pulling me in every direction to all of these shops, and we’ve spent so much money on just things for our family and Ronan. I don’t mind, of course, but I’m tired and ready to go home. My social battery--she taught me that--is running out, fast. I know hers has to be too.

Holding tight to my hand, Y/N happily walks down the street before she points to the woman sitting outside of a store with a table in front of her. I’ll admit that the moons, crystals, and lights around her do make her very intriguing.

“It’s a palm reader or psychic, whatever you wanna call them,” she says as she looks up at me, “We should go.”

“I don’t believe in that stuff, peach.”

She scoffs, “Okay? Maybe I do! Who cares? Let’s just go see what she says. If she’s way off, we’ll just laugh about it when we get home.”

I look down at her and start to smile when she pouts, “Fine.”

Giddily skipping over to the woman, Y/N gives her a small wave before she plops down in the chair across the table from her. I stand behind her and look around at the other stores in hopes that I can find one and get away from this.

I don’t really believe in this stuff, plus they tend to prey on tourists and take their money. They’ll tell them very vague things and give people false hope. I just don’t want Y/N to be upset or anything.

I zone out as the woman and her start to talk, so I’m not sure what she’s telling her, but she pulls out a stack of cards with designs on them. I look over and watch as she sets them down one by one and tells us what they mean--something about how we’ve found success or something. I will admit that we have found a lot of success in our lives and marriage.

“This card here…” she points at it and nods, “Hmm, looks like there might be a new addition to the family sometime soon.”

Y/N starts to laugh as she looks at me, “Interesting.”

“That doesn’t mean you, necessarily. It could be a sibling. And it doesn’t always mean a baby, could be a new pet.” She says, and Y/N looks at me again. Oh, wow. How perfectly vague. I just nod my head and look away since I’m not going to indulge this woman and her vague predictions. “Your husband isn’t so sure about me.”

“I can see that,” Y/N says as she looks at me, smiling widely. She’s completely entertained by this.

The woman laughs, “He’s very protective of you. The energy he’s giving off is very strong. It’s very intimidating. His guard is completely up. Something tells me it always is when he’s with you. You two mesh very well. You are very…what’s the word? Synchronized. When you move, he moves. Where you look, he looks. He’s always one step ahead of you--not in a bad way, no, but in that protective way. He always wants to protect you and put your needs first. I don’t say this to just anyone, but you two are completely perfect for each other. True soulmates. Your paths were always meant to cross. You had some struggles in the beginning, but because you two loved each other so hard, you worked through them. You two were always meant to be together.”

She’s right about that. I’ll let her have that one.

“You worry about that a lot, don’t you?” she asks Y/N, who hesitantly nods. “Don’t worry about if he loves you or not--he absolutely does, sweetheart. You’re his true love. There is no one else in this world he is meant to be with. It’s you. You’re his one.”

Y/N starts to smile as she looks over at me, and I smile back at her. Yeah, okay, I’ll let her have this one too--she’s fucking right!

“And your daughter.” she says, and Y/N and I both look at her. “I see very good things for her. She’s going to be as smart as she is beautiful. And so very kind, just like her mother and father.”

Y/N smiles as she looks at me, “I didn’t tell her that we have a daughter.”

“Well, she had a 50/50 shot…” I say as I sit down next to her.

“Yeah, but I didn’t even tell her that we had a kid.” Y/N says, and I hold her gaze because, sure, that’s true.

The woman just chuckles and nods her head, “This isn’t your first marriage.”

I stare at her for a moment before I shake my head, “No.”

“You lost your wife.” she says matter-of-factly, and I nod my head. She gestures to her chest and heart, “Something with her heart.”

“She had a heart condition,” Y/N says, and I look over at her just as she looks at me.

The woman looks down at her cards and nods her head, then she smiles, “Your parents are very happy that they relocated to be closer to you.”

“Oh?” Y/N smiles, perking up, “I’m glad! We like having them close to us.”

I continue to look at the woman and wonder if maybe she just knows me. Maybe she’s heard about me or something. Most people knew I was married before--that’s why I left. But she doesn’t seem to even give me a lingering look. She has no clue or interest in who I am. I sit back and listen as she talks to Y/N, and the woman laughs when she says something and looks over at me.

The woman looks down at her cards and purses her lips before looking at Y/N, “You’ve recently opened your home to someone.”

“We have!” Y/N smiles, looking at me.

“He’s very grateful.” she says, and I look down at Y/N again when I see her tearing up. “He’s really needed the help you’ve given him, and he really counts on you two.”

Y/N wipes the tear off her cheek when she looks at me.

“Well, I enjoyed our time.” she says, and I reach for Y/N’s hand to help her up. I smile when Y/N looks at me, and she laughs and rolls her eyes playfully. Just as we start to walk away, the woman calls out, “John…”

I furrow my brow since I didn’t give her my name and neither did Y/N, and I turn around to look at the woman.

“Helen is very happy for you. And she approves wholeheartedly,” she says, gesturing to Y/N next to me. I stare at the woman for a moment before she looks down and begins fixing her cards.

Y/N clears her throat and shrugs when I look at her, then she turns to continue down the street with me trying to catch up and figure out how the hell that woman knew Helen’s name.

__

“You wanted to stop and talk to her.”

“Well, yeah, but…” she shakes her head and looks out the window, “Never mind. It doesn’t matter.”

I exhale sharply and pull the car into the rocky driveway before I turn it off and look over at her, “So now you’re mad at me?”

“Never said I was.”

“You’re giving me the cold shoulder, peach.”

After we walked away from the woman, Y/N was just different. She was quiet and looked like she was on the verge of tears. We had already eaten lunch, so we decided to just head back to the house. In the car, I tried to reach over and hold her hand, but she pulled away from me and turned toward the door--the telltale sign of an upset peach. I let her do her thing and have her moment, but I tried to get her to open up about why she was upset. She wouldn’t tell me until I finally guessed that it was the woman.

“I’m gonna go sit on the beach for a bit,” she says as she slips out of the car.

I quickly get out, “I can come with you.”

“No, it’s okay.”

“Well,” I struggle to find words and end up just sounding like a dad, “Just stay where I can see you.”

She nods her head and walks away as I watch her. I sigh loudly and walk over to the back porch since I can see her, and I sit down and watch as she plops down in the sand and pulls her knees close to her chest. I let out a big sigh and sit back in my chair, keeping my eyes glued to her.

After sitting on the beach for 20 minutes, she finally gets up and starts walking back to the house. I sit up and smile when she looks at me, but she’s not feeling any better.

“Wait, wait, wait,” I lean back and grab her arm when she walks past, and I pull her into my lap, “Talk to me.”

“I…” she sighs and shakes her head, “You didn’t believe a word out of that woman’s mouth until she mentioned Helen.”

“She was saying vague stuff!” I say, and Y/N gets up and stands in front of me, “Telling us we’re perfect for each other, that there’s going to be a new family member--maybe not a baby, but an animal! It’s vague shit that she probably tells everyone. Of course I don’t believe her.”

Y/N crosses her arms, “So you don’t think we’re perfect for each other?”

“You know that’s not what I meant.” I shake my head, “She just tells everyone that who sits in front of her.”

“Yet you believed her when she mentioned Helen.”

I sigh loudly, “Because how would she know her name?”

“How would she know we have a daughter? I didn’t even tell her we had a baby.”

“She had 50/50 shot at that, peach.” I say, and she rolls her eyes, “Of course when she mentions someone by name I’m going to believe it.”

Y/N huffs and turns her back to me, “I’m not trying to ruin our anniversary week.”

“Just say what’s on your mind. I’m not mad, but I want to talk this out,” I reach for her skirt and tug it a little in hopes that she’ll come back and sit in my lap.

She crosses her arms and looks at me, holding my gaze, “You only believed her when she mentioned Helen, even though she was talking about how great we are together.”

“I think we’re great together! I’ve never questioned that or said that wasn’t true.”

“Put yourself in my shoes for once, John. Think about how you’d feel if she mentioned my husband who passed away. I know you’d be upset too. You’d feel a little jealous. I know you would.”

I take a deep breath and nod, “I know. I would.”

“If she hadn’t passed away, you would still be with her and we wouldn’t be together, and we wouldn’t have Ronan,” she says as she starts to cry, “And that fucking kills me!”

I open my mouth to say something but she quickly moves past and heads into the house. I get up and follow behind her.

“I’m being dramatic, I know!” she turns around and walks backwards, and I realize she’s laughing at herself, “I’m being fucking crazy! I just…I’m so sad about it, John.”

“Peach stop,” I reach for her hand but she turns around and throws herself on the bed as she cries. I lay down next to her and pull her close to me. “Do you think everything happens for a reason?”

“Yes.”

“I do too,” I move her hair and kiss her shoulder, “I think everything happens for a reason, which is why I know everything that happened to me, including losing Helen, led me to you, because we were always meant to be together. I was always meant to find happiness with you, peach. Always. I’ll be honest with you, baby, I believed that lady from the moment she said we were soulmates. Because I know we are too.”

Y/N sniffles, “You’re gonna leave me for being crazy.”

“No, I’m not.” I laugh as I turn her over to her back so I can see her. Her eyes are bloodshot and her face is covered in tears. I prop myself up on my elbow and look down at her, “I have no plans on ever leaving you, but you have to let this go. You have to let this Helen stuff go, sweetheart.”

“I can’t,” she frowns before she starts to cry.

I wipe her tears away and cup her face, “You can, peach, and you have to. You think that all I do is sit and think about her, but I don’t. Believe it or not, I go days without thinking about her, probably even weeks. And I don’t think about her the way I used to at all. I don’t think about her that way anymore. There is no longer a part of me that wishes I could reverse time and go back. I have the best life. If I ever want to reverse time, it’s only so I can get more with you.

She lets out a big sigh and looks up at the ceiling before she turns her head a little to look at me, “Am I crazy?”

“No,” I shake my head and hold her gaze, “If I can let Helen go, you can too.”

“I guess it just hurt my feelings that it seemed like you didn’t believe anything else she said until she mentioned Helen. I wanted you to believe her when she said we were soulmates.”

I start to laugh, “I do! I absolutely believe that, but it doesn’t take a psychic telling me to know that.”

Y/N rolls over so she’s facing me, and we look into each other’s eyes for a few silent moments. She sighs and closes her eyes, so I pull her closer to me.

“I don’t think you even want to know how many times I’d ask myself if I’d ever love someone again. I wondered every single day. I wondered if I’d ever even see someone that way again. One day I told myself that if I never loved again, then oh well. It just wasn’t meant to be,” I say, and a tear rolls down her cheek when she blinks, “I really thought I wasn’t going to ever fall in love again, and I had decided to just live with it. I’d be fine. I’d be lonely, but whatever. But then I met you and everything changed.”

“John,” she frowns and closes her eyes.

I wipe her tears away, “You walked into my life and changed everything, peach. After that, I never once questioned if I’d love again because from the moment I met you, I knew that you were the one I had been waiting for this whole time. I haven’t felt lonely or unloved since you came into my life, Y/N. And I’m so glad you’re here.”

“I wish I wasn’t like this.”

“I love you the way you are,” I say, and she shakes her head, “Dramatics and all. Even when you throw yourself onto the bed and cry, I still love you.”

She starts to laugh, then she leans back to look at me, “Why do you put up with me? It must be so hard.”

“Why do you think you’re hard to put up with?” I ask, and she shrugs bashfully, “It’s because someone else has made you feel that way, but you’re not. You are my favorite person in the world, and if you don’t believe me, go ask the psychic. She said not to worry about it. You believed everything else she said, so believe her when she says that you shouldn’t worry.”

“John, I’m so--”

I press my finger to her lips and raise my brows, “If you say that you’re crazy or insane, I will hold you down on this bed and tickle the shit out of you.”

She finally starts to laugh, “Okay, but I am a little weird.”

“You are,” I admit, and she gasps before she laughs and pushes me over to crawl onto me, trying her best to tickle me, but I’m not ticklish. I get my arms free and wrap them around her, pulling her down to my chest and pressing my lips to hers, “You’re my favorite weirdo, peach. I’d be lost without you. When you’re upset, I know just the right way to love you to make you feel better.”

She nods, “You do.”

“And it’s the same way for me. When I’m upset, you know just how to love me,” I say, and she smiles softly. “See? We’re meant to be. We were made for each other and no one can change my mind about that.”

“Did I ruin our week?”

I shake my head, “Of course not.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, and I shake my head, “No, seriously, I am. I love you. You love me.”

“I do.”

She lies down next to me, snuggling into my side, “I really am going to try to let that stuff go. I don’t want to lose you.”

“Not gonna happen,” I say as I kiss her forehead. “I promise that.”

We’re both quiet for a few minutes, just holding on another but it’s so nice.

“Sorry,” she whispers, “I’m just being stupid. I wouldn’t blame you for wanting to leave.”

“Why do you say things like that?” I ask, raising my brows when she looks at me, “That you wouldn’t blame me for wanting to leave or asking why I chose you? Why do you say that stuff?”

She shrugs, “Because any other man would leave. I’m not worth the hassle--I’ve literally been told that. No one would put up with me. No one would choose this. No one would choose me.”

“Then any other man isn’t the right man for you, which they aren’t, because I’m the right man for you. I always will be. And you think no one would choose you? I chose you. I always say something bigger was at play when it comes to us, whether it’s fate, magic, or God, but what it really boils down to is that I chose you because I can’t live without you. We chose each other. Because we want to spend the rest of our lives together. There is no one else I’d rather have bad days with or insecure days with.”

“You don’t get insecure like me, John, you don’t get it.”

I sit up and look at her, “I do get it! Trust me, I get it. Think of my life. Think of how many times people have told me that I didn’t deserve something. So many people have told me that I’d never have a normal life or a happy life, but you’ve helped me retrain my brain. You’ve helped me get out of that slump of thinking I don’t deserve any of this. My insecurities might manifest in a different way, but I get it. I can’t lose you. The thought alone makes me lose my mind. But I get it, Y/N. I get it.”

Y/N sighs as she sits up and nods, “You’re right. That wasn’t fair of me to say. You never really know how much someone has fucked with your head until things are really good. I never realized how much my ex messed me up.”

“I still will kick his ass.” I say, and she starts to laugh. “Think he’s still with your cousin?”

She shrugs, “I don’t know. I don’t follow Andrea on any social media, so I have no clue, but with the way Tonya was when she stayed with us, I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s searching for her daughter’s next boyfriend.”

“Well, she’ll need to look elsewhere,” I say, and she smiles at me, “I am so happily taken. Even if I was single, I’d never date her daughter. I would hate having Tonya as a mother-in-law. I feel like she’d criticize everything I did.”

“She would. Well, maybe not, since she clearly has a boner for you.” Y/N laughs, then she looks up at me, “My mom loves you, so I think she’d literally fight Tonya if she ever tried to take you from me.”

I smile, “I do love Bev.”

“Bev loves her Jonathan.”

“She has never called me John, isn’t that crazy?” I laugh as she smiles. “It’s always Jonathan.”

Y/N laughs, “And she’s never called Jimmy anything but James. I think, sure, she might have called you John once or twice since knowing you, but it’s always Jonathan.”

“Who started that?” I say, squinting my eyes playfully as she smiles.

“I always gushed about you on the phone and called you Jonathan when I talked to her. She’d call and I’d spend at least an hour talking about you.” she smiles as she cups my cheek, “You’re my favorite person.”

I kiss the palm of her hand, “You’re mine, peach.”

“Wanna go for a walk and watch the sun set?”

“I would love that.” I get up from the bed and reach for her hands, pulling her up to me. I cup her face in my hands and kiss her softly as she hums, then I lean back and hold her gaze.

“I really lucked out that day when I decided to check the mail.”

I hug her closer, “Even if you hadn’t gotten the mail that day, I was waiting for you. I’d wait until the end of time for you.”

“You’re a very patient man, John Wick.”

“So I’ve been told,” I laugh as I look down at her, “But thank you for not making me wait too long.”

I fucking love this woman. And yes, that includes her dramatic side.

__

There is nothing better than waking up next to someone you love. Y/N is tucked into my side as I slowly wake up, and I smile when she nuzzles closer to me. Surely she’s waking up too. Until then, I just look down at her and smile. I lightly trail my fingers over the few freckles she has on her cheeks and gaze at the fan of her dark beautiful lashes. She has one little freckle just below her eyebrow, so I lean over and press a gentle kiss to it.

As I look down at her, I think that surely I couldn’t love her any more than I already do, but the moment she opens her eyes and looks at me with a smile on her face, I know that my love for her will never stop growing and changing. It’s a little overwhelming when I think about how much I love her. I wouldn’t have it any other way though.

I lean over a little to kiss the top of her head, then I start to sit up, but she puts her hand on my chest to keep me in place.

“I have to pee,” I whisper, and she playfully groans before rolling over and putting her arm over her eyes to block out the sun. No doubt she’ll be coming in when I wash my hands.

Without fail, that’s exactly what happens. The bathroom is dark since I didn’t bother to turn on the light, and I watch through the mirror as she sleepily walks over and plops down on the toilet. After I wash my hands, I crawl back into bed and close my eyes. We’re on vacation, we have no responsibilities or plans, and I’m in no rush to get up for the day.

I hear the water running for several minutes and look over at the bathroom door when it turns off. Y/N is wiping her mouth off as she walks out, and I smile. She’s brushed her teeth, and I know exactly what that means.

I watch as she pulls her shirt off and tosses it aside, then she kicks off her underwear and crawls up the bed, straddling my waist before laying against my chest and kissing me.

“You know you don’t have to brush your teeth before kissing me in the morning, right?”

“My breath is horrid,” she whispers in between pressing kisses to my neck, “It’s for your own good.”

I laugh, “Is mine bad then?”

“No,” she sits up a little as I laugh, then she smiles, “Sometimes, but I don’t mind.”

I hold her tight in my arms as I sit up, then I carefully toss her aside, causing her to yelp a little.

“Okay, that was hot.” she says, fanning herself a little.

I quickly make my way to the bathroom and brush my teeth, then I walk back out to the bedroom to see her laying back on the bed with her hand between her legs. I smile as I walk closer to watch her. Her eyes trail down my body and land right at my crotch, then she smiles.

“Do it, John,” she whispers, watching as I push my boxers down. “Touch yourself while I touch myself.”

I tilt my head a little and raise my brows since she has her legs squeezed shut, and I smirk when I look back into her eyes, “Spread your legs for me.”

Y/N bites her lip as she spreads her legs apart. I stroke myself as I watch her push her fingers deep into her pussy, and I let out a small groan when she rubs her clit and smiles. I walk over to her and lean down to kiss up her body. She cups my face and rests her legs on either side of my waist when I lay on top of her.

As I kiss down her body to settle between her legs, she runs her fingers through my hair and hums before tugging it lightly to show me where she needs me. I look between her legs and smile when I see she’s throbbing for me.

The moment my mouth comes in contact with her, she arches her back and lets out a laugh. She gasps quietly and hums when I suck on her clit, then she hooks her arms around her legs and pulls her knees close to her chest. I move up a little more so I can get a better angle, eliciting loud moans from her.

“Fuck, yeah, yeah, right there,” she pants, then she drops her legs and spreads them apart again, placing her hand on my head and tugging my hair, “Fuck! Oh, shit, I’m gonna come!”

I pump my fingers in and out while simultaneously eating her out, and she moans my name loudly as her body begins to shake. She tells me that she wants me inside her, which is perfect since I can’t last much longer, so I quickly crawl up and slot myself between her legs, pumping my hips at a rapid pace as we look deep into each other’s eyes. Soon, I slow down and take long, deep strokes that cause her to dig her nails into my back and to moan loudly.

“Fuck, you feel so good,” I barely manage to choke out. I kiss down her throat then back up to her lips, “God, you feel so good wrapped around my cock.”

“I’m gonna come,” she whispers, and I nod, “Come with me.”

“That’s the plan,” I joke, and she smiles before pulling me down to kiss her.

Y/N sucks on my ear as my eyes roll shut, and I feel my body tense up before my hips shudder and jolt as I come inside of her. She grips my body tight to her and lets out a loud string of moans as I continue to move my hips, and the friction against her clit causes her to grab my arm and practically scream my name, searching for anything to hold onto as she rides out an intense orgasm. She moans and pants loudly as I look down at her, then she hums and closes her eyes, her cheeks flushed and her hairline damp with sweat. I tuck my face into the crook of her neck for a few moments as we breathe together.

“Well, good morning,” I whisper, and she laughs quietly. “What’s the plan for today?”

“This,” she says, and I raise my brows and jerk my hips a little when she places her hands on my ass. “I want you to fuck me in every position imaginable.”

I smile as I lean down to kiss her, my nose brushing against hers, “Really?”

“Maybe after some breakfast,” she says, lightly scratching my back with one hand while moving my damp hair with the other, “Does that sound good?”

“Sounds great,” I lean down and kiss her softly, but it soon turns to desperate sloppy kisses. I’m growing hard again already and I know she can feel it. I reach down and slowly slide myself back between her legs, and she smiles at me as her eyes slowly roll shut. “Should I go make some breakfast?”

She hums, “Maybe in a few minutes.”

“Oh, yeah?” I laugh, and she blushes as she nods. “What should we do for the next few minutes then?”

Y/N reaches down and pushes me in deeper as she holds my gaze, “I think you have a pretty good idea.”

__

**

Even though you said you wanted to spend the day in bed, your body needed a break--John was not holding back during that second round. Honestly, both you and John needed a break after it. The two of you hopped in the shower and got dressed, then you went and sat on the patio while John made a quick lunch for the two of you. The sun was beaming down on you, and you started to feel a little sleepy, so you closed your eyes for a few minutes until John softly nudged you to wake you up so you could eat.

“Still feeling tired?” John asks, smirking when you pull your sunglasses down your nose to look at him.

You playfully roll your eyes and push them back up, “I’m feeling fine now.”

John chuckles before taking a big bite of his salad, “Should we call the kids?”

The kids. Your heart immediately swells.

“Yeah,” you nod as you prop your phone up against your cup. You take a bite of salad just as Logan answers the FaceTime call, so you wave at him.

“Hey! How’s the vacation?”

John leans over, “It’s good! Look at our view from our patio.”

“Whoa! That’s awesome!” Logan says when John turns the camera to show him the beach. “Have you guys swam with sharks yet?”

You start to laugh, “Uh, not sure if we will. You don’t know this, but I have a huge fear of water and fish. I was bit--”

“She says she was bit by a fish, but I don’t know if I believe her,” John teases, laughing when you hold up your elbow to show him the scar. “Yeah, she says she has a scar. I see nothing, Logan.”

“How are you though? Is everything okay there?”

Logan nods, and you can see he’s sitting in the living room, “Yeah, everything is good. Just been working, coming home, and going to bed. I took Bleu with me yesterday when Daniela and I went on a hike. He loved it.”

“I bet,” John says, leaning over again, “Where’s he now?”

You smile when Bleu sits up and looks at the camera while you and John talk to him. He tilts his head from left to right when John talks to him, and you laugh when he whimpers a little.

“Oh, he misses his daddy.” you say, and John frowns a little.

John loves this dog so much. He still gets sad to leave him behind when he can’t come with somewhere. He is John’s little buddy. It never fails to make you swoon.

“I’m glad to hear things are good there, Logan,” you say, and he brings the phone back up to him.

“I saw Ronan just a little bit ago.” he says, and you and John both lean in. “I took Bleu for a walk and stopped to talk to Tess and Jimmy. Ro’s doing really well. She was laughing hysterically at Jimmy.”

John chuckles, “Yeah, she thinks he’s so funny for some reason.”

“He’s a little jealous,” you say, gesturing to John who shakes his head as he laughs. “I’m glad everything is going well there. We just wanted to check in and make sure you were okay.”

“Yeah, I’m good.” Logan smiles, and you nod your head.

John leans over to get into view of the camera, “Call or text us if you need anything, okay?”

“I will, but I’m good! Just hanging out and working.”

You smile as you wave, “We’ll talk to you soon. Be safe!”

“I will, you guys too!” he waves back, “Bye.”

“Bye, sweetheart!” you say as you and John both wave before hanging up.

Now it’s time to talk to your very favorite girl. You prop your phone back up and take another bite of food while the phone rings, and you and John both lean closer when the call is answered and all you hear is Ronan laughing.

“Bug!” you and John say in unison when she looks at the camera.

“Hi, hi, hi,” she waves, and you wave back at her.

Tess laughs as she leans down, “Hello there.”

“Hi! How’s it going?”

“Good!” Tess smiles, holding up her phone so you can see Ronan, “We’re hanging out in the backyard for a bit, then we’re going to your house to swim. Logan is there, so we’re going to grill out for lunch.”

You nod, “We just talked to him. I didn’t know if he worked or not, so I called him first hoping to catch him before he went to work, but he must not today.”

“No,” Tess shakes her head, “Jimmy let everyone have the day off today since it’s so nice. I think he just wanted to spend time with Ro.”

John scoffs, “He’s trying to steal my baby.”

“Am not!” Jimmy says before leaning down to get in frame, “You’re just mad that she thinks I’m funny. I can’t help it that I’m a jokester.”

“More like a joker,” John says, and you nudge his arm as he laughs.

“Be nice!”

John laughs, “He knows I’m messing with him.”

You smile as you look back at your phone, “How is she? She’s not too fussy, is she?”

“She was a little fussy last night. I think she was just a little confused and wondering where you two were, but she’s fine now,” Tess says as you frown, “Babe, she’s fine! Listen to her!”

Ronan has been giggling the entire phone call now, and it just makes you frown even more.

“I miss her!”

“She misses you too,” Tess says, then she points at the phone, “Ro-ro, say hi to momma and daddy.”

Ronan waves her hand and smiles, showing off her little teeth. She squeals and claps her hands, “Daddy!”

“Hi, baby,” John says, waving at the camera, “Daddy misses you!”

“I’m here too!” you say, and Ronan squeals loudly, saying your name over and over. “Hi, sweet girl!”

Ronan grins as she looks at the two of you through the camera, talking all about something. You can’t even keep up because she’s talking so fast. She slips off of Tess’ lap and runs away, and you and John both frown. She probably misses you too, but she just wants to play with Finn.

“Sorry, Finn got a new toy, so…” Tess turns the camera so you can see Ronan and Finn playing with a bubble gun, and you smile when you see Ronan running over to pop the bubbles as they fall to the ground.

“Tess,” you say, and Tess grins when the camera is back on her. “Did you buy her another new outfit?”

Tess laughs, “I don’t get to buy dresses! I mean, hell, if Finn wanted to wear them we’d buy them, but he doesn’t want to. I saw it and thought it would look cute on her. I was right!”

“She does look cute,” you say, frowning when the camera turns back to Ronan playing with bubbles.

“She’s okay, you guys. She’s having fun and she’s doing just fine. She’s eating and sleeping fine. She’s okay.”

“I know, we just miss her.” you say, and John nods. “Thank you for taking her.”

Tess scoffs as she turns the camera back to her, “I’m honored you let me have her.”

“Well, who else would we have let take her?”

“Mom?”

You start to laugh, “Mom would lose her mind having her for a week straight. She’s on a bit of a naughty streak right now.”

“Oh, we know,” Tess says, and you grimace.

Jimmy laughs as he bends down closer to the camera, “She’s taken to pinching me, by the way. Where the hell did she learn that?”

You smile when John looks over at you, “No idea.”

You tend to pinch him playfully sometimes. It doesn’t hurt him, of course, and it’s not intended to, it’s just a playful thing, and maybe Ronan sees it. Who knows? You should probably stop though so she doesn’t do it to other kids.

“It doesn’t hurt, but she thinks it’s so funny,” Jimmy says.

“It’s because you make a big scene and throw yourself on the floor. She thinks it’s hilarious.” Tess says, and you put your hand over your mouth as you laugh and look at John who does the same exact thing. “It’s fine, but her and Finn are going to be little shits when they’re like…eight and nine. We’re going to be called into the principal’s office at least once a week.”

John laughs, “She must get those mischievous genes from her mom.”

“Oh, yeah, totally,” you say sarcastically, then you smile at Tess, “Well, I’m glad she’s good.”

“I said she’s doing okay, I never said she was good!” Tess teases, and you laugh. “I’m kidding. She’s absolutely precious and I love her and would die for her. I’ll keep sending pictures and videos of her to keep you updated, but stop worrying about her and enjoy your anniversary! Go have sex on the beach or something. Wait, the beach is private, right?”

You hum, “Somewhat. No one is really around us.”

John leans over and kisses your neck, “Doesn’t sound like a bad idea. I’d like to take you on the beach again.”

“I heard that, you sicko.” Tess says, and you and John both laugh. “I love you both. Talk to you later!”

“Love you! Give Ro lots of hugs and kisses from us. Bye!” you hang up the phone and look over at John as he smiles at you, “Now my sister knows we had sex on the beach.”

John laughs, “Like you weren’t going to tell her anyway.”

“Okay, so maybe I just like to brag sometimes.” you say as John leans over to kiss you. “Do you have the patience to wait for me to finish my salad?”

“I guess,” he teases, and you slowly take a bite as you look at him. He laughs and rolls his eyes, “You’re a little shit. Ronan gets it from you!”

You smile proudly, “Maybe!”

John eyes you as you eat the last few bites of your salad slowly, and he huffs and dramatically sits back in his seat while you try not to laugh. You finally let out a laugh as you get up, and John follows behind you into the kitchen. You look over your shoulder at John as he stares at you, and you turn around and quickly pull your tank top off.

“I’m ready now.” you say, holding his gaze.

John’s eyes drop down to your breasts as he smiles, and he quickly grabs you and carries you off to the bedroom as you laugh.

“Wrong way!” you laugh, pointing toward the beach. He quickly changes direction as he spanks you, and you cling to him as he brings you down to the beach.

__

taglist:  @lilithlinen @ladyren33 @multifandombliss @ruby-octo @tnu-ree @scream-queen-25 @beingnerdyissupercool @sakurachan-9

i hate the tagging system on here so much

[babymetaldoll]

Baby, I'm yours - Chapter eleven: “Heartbeat is coming in so strong”

Summary: Spencer and reader are struggling to try to make it without sex until their wedding day. Bachelorette and bachelor parties are happening. 

Word count: 7,1K

Warnings: Extreme fluff, people will get drunk, there will be strippers, love promises, and all the good stuff we need to go through the week. 

A/N: And just one more chapter left!! Hope you are enjoying all the fluff this chapter has. 

Final chapter: will be posted Wednesday 28th, March. 

Series Masterlist | General Masterlist | Prequel’s Masterlist

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(Y/N)’s point of view 

It was Thursday and I felt that week had been eternal. The longest week of my life. I don’t know if it was because of everything we had to get ready for the wedding, or if it had something to do with my stupid idea of not having sex with Spencer. But the last few days had been endless.

Monday, we picked Diana up from the airport. She and aunt Ethel arrived for the wedding and were staying with Spencer at our apartment. That kept him busy those days. We had dinner with them and my parents, and it all went quite well. My soon-to-be husband was worried Diana might get confused on the trip, and meeting all these new people. But no, she was perfect. We couldn’t have picked a better time for our wedding. Her medicine was working magic on her. 

- “I couldn’t believe it when they told me they had just started dating”- Diana said, making my parents laugh immediately- “All these years I had been sure they were together and had decided to keep me in the dark about it!”

- “You were not the only one!”- my mom added- “I can’t even start telling you the number of times I tried to convince (Y/N) to date Spencer all these years! But she was so stubborn! She kept saying Spencer wasn’t attracted to her!” 

When you put your parents and your husband’s family together in the same room, you only have one result: embarrassment. 

I looked at Spencer and his cheeks were burning red. I held his hand underneath the table and squeezed it. I knew this whole thing was new to him, and to be honest, I wasn’t very experienced myself. He was the first boyfriend I ever introduced to my family. And that was the reason, I wanted to save myself the embarrassment. Clearly I was doomed. And Spencer with me. 

- “Is this going to be a theme at the reception?”- I dared to ask, and my dad chuckled as he replied. 

- “I’m gonna make sure it is.”

Why didn’t we elope? 

Tuesday had been chaos. My dress wasn’t ready. The delay was apparently my fault, for losing weight. I wasn’t even trying to lose weight! I just couldn’t eat 'cause I was too nervous. So the seamstress had to do all the changes again, and my mom freaked out, trying to get me to eat every half hour. 

Suddenly I remembered why I had left the house as soon as I could. 

- “Ok peanut, let me see you”- mom said from the lounge with Lu, Penelope, aunt Ethel and Mrs. Reid. They were my wedding squad, and they were following me all over around… driving me slightly crazy. 

The seamstress finished adjusting the dress and the veil and opened the door for me. I heard mom gasp as I walked toward her and the rest of my squad. 

- “Oh my god, you are an angel.”- I wanted to argue with mom’s words, but all I managed to do was to blush and look down. Diana clapped as she stared at me, and cut me the biggest smile I had ever seen from her. Garcia’s eyes teared up, and she couldn’t stop herself from running to me and rising my veil. 

- “My munchkin! You look so beautiful.”

- “Th… thank you.”- I stuttered and stared at the reflex on the mirror as I tried to take it all in. It was real. I was getting married. Believe it or not, it hadn’t fully hit me until that day. And I was going to marry Spencer. When did that happen?

- “Are you ok?”- Lu walked toward me, holding a box of Kleenex. I simply stared at my reflection in the mirror and saw the tears falling down my cheeks.

- “Lu, I’m gonna marry Spencer this Saturday.”- I announced the breaking news, and she just nodded. 

- “Yes, why? Did you have other plans?”- she joked and adjusted the back of my dress. 

- “I just… I’m getting married.”- I looked at her in shock,, and she just smiled. 

- “Yes, and as far as I know, you are going to stop being (Y/N) (Y/L/N) and you will go by (Y/N) Reid”

I had totally forgotten about that. I was changing my name. Diana looked at me and walked toward the mirror. She simply smiled and held my hand. 

- “I know you will make my boy very happy”- she whispered and kissed my cheek. 

- “Thank you”- I managed to reply and kept wiping the tears from my face. 

- “Do you want to know how I know it?”- Diana asked me and opened her purse.- “He has been writing about you since November 7th, 2005.”

In front of me, there was a stack of letters handwritten by Spencer over the last five years. Diana placed them in my hand and smiled so sweetly I couldn’t help but wrap my arms around her. 

- “Please never tell him I showed you these. You can read them and return them in the morning.”- I just nodded and hugged her again. 

- “Thank you, Diana”

- “Don’t thank me, dear. I know you will always love my boy. And I know you two are gonna give me a lot of grandkids to spoil rotten.”- I chuckled at her words and thanked her again. 

- “Come on! Don’t stain that beautiful dress with any tears or makeup”- Garcia warned us- “You better take that off before you cry your eyes out!”

- “Yes ma’am.”- I replied and walked back to the dressing room.  

Wednesday was a very relaxed day. I went to our apartment to make the bags for our honeymoon. Diana and aunt Ethel were out with my parents, touring around the city, and Spencer soon discovered we had the entire place for our own. And what started like an innocent cuddles session on the couch, quickly developed into a hardcore make-out session that nearly got me to break my promise to stay away from sex until our wedding. 

Spencer’s hands were underneath my shirt, trying to unclasp my bra. I was sitting on his lap, rubbing against his erection, like a little slut. I regret nothing, by the way. 

- “I miss you so much”- he murmured against my skin. He kept biting my neck and licking every inch he could, his tongue tasting me and making me so wet, I was sure I was going cave. 

Spencer groaned against me as my hands palmed his erection, just above his pants. He was so hard my mouth watered up just thinking about how good it’d feel to wrap my lips around his cock. 

- “I miss you too, hon”- I basically whimpered, and let his hands roam my body, hungrily. 

- “I need you”- he breathed against my neck and kept sucking my skin. My hands opened his belt, ‘cos I couldn’t control myself anymore. I needed him. I wanted him. I couldn’t stop thinking about feeling Spencer slipping inside me. Fucking me hard on that couch, like we had done so many delicious times. I wanted him. More than anything. 

- “Please…”- I mumbled as he unbuttoned my shirt. His eyes were hypnotizing. God! I wasn’t going to stop, I just wanted my fiance to fuck me.

- “Hello… Oh my god!!!”- and suddenly, I heard mom yelling, killing the mood in a second. I wrapped my arms around Spencer tight as he tried to cover my slightly naked chest from my mother, his mom, and his aunt. I gasped and stared at him blushing. Mom stayed still at the door, looking at me so embarrassed and shocked I felt like a teenager all over again. 

- “Hey… did you… have fun?”- Spencer asked, in the most awkward tone of voice ever. My cheeks were so red I decided to hide my face in his neck and giggled. Seriously, this was insane, awkward, and bizarre. 

- “Do you want us to wait in the room?”- Diana asked and I basically jumped from Spencer’s lap, buttoning up my shirt and watching my new mother-in-law laughing at us. 

- “No! I’m sorry, we were just… it’s… I’m gonna go.”- I mumbled and started walking to the door, to get my bags. 

- “Wait, chipmunk! No!”- Spencer grabbed my hand and looked at me. He had no idea what else to say, he just stood there in silence with a blank stare. 

- “Are you coming with me?” 

- “Guessing that was his plan before we got here”- Diana mumbled and I gasped in shock. When I thought that moment couldn’t be any worse. 

- “Mom! Please!”- Spencer complained, grossed out, and my mom started laughing. 

- “Ok kids, relax, we won’t make fun of you”- Diana said and walked over to us with a big grin.

- “It’s ok, I really should go. I only came to get a few things and I have to go back home. Lu wanted to talk about the bridesmaids’ chore list.”- I quickly replied. But Spencer didn’t let me go. He held onto my hand and followed me, grabbing my bags for me. 

- “I’ll drive you”- he suggested, though it sounded more like a command. 

- “Your dad is at the house with your brother”- mom announced- “Just in case you are thinking you can…”

- “Mom!!”- I shouted and she just burst out laughing.  

- “I just wanted to save you from another embarrassment”

- “I’ll see you later, mom! Bye, Diana! Bye, aunt Ethel!”

Spencer’s point of view 

There are certain moments in life when you have to ask yourself: “How did I get here?” “Which have been the choices I’ve made in life that lead to this particular moment to develop?” and most importantly “How do I stop it?” 

That was my mood at my bachelor party. 

I was currently at Frank’s apartment. He had taken his best man’s duties very seriously. Maybe too seriously, now that I think about it. All my friends were there: Morgan and Mikey were already kind of drunk. Rossi, Will, and Hotch seemed to be enjoying their time and kept pouring each other whisky. Ethan had traveled to DC for the wedding, and he was currently having what seemed to be the most exciting conversation with Frank, probably music related. On top of everything, Chief (Y/L/N) and (Y/N)’s brother, Phoenix, were there too. After my drug issue confession, and the argument between me and (Y/N) they had witnessed, I talked to them and tried to explain everything, but they shook their head and said everything was ok. They were surprisingly understanding and welcoming.

- “Son, my daughter loves you. I know you are a good guy. Nobody asks you to be perfect, I just want you to promise me you will never hurt her feelings ever again.”- Chief (Y/L/N) said, in a way that might have been threatening, but ended up sounding quite paternal. 

- “I would never do anything that could upset her, sir”- I replied and felt his hand tapping on my back a few times. 

- “I know. You are a good guy, Reid.”

But I still didn’t want to ruin things with them. So I couldn’t get drunk, I couldn’t mess up. I had to be my best self that night. 

And there I was, awkwardly holding a beer, half listening to Rossi’s advice as a “wedding expert” and wondering what that night would bring. I had told Frank I just wanted a quiet get-together with my friends. Maybe play some poker (though no one ever wants to play cards with me), have a few drinks, and call it a night. But when I told (Y/N), she laughed and assured me Frank would never lose the chance to get me a stripper. And that idea scared me. I just couldn’t shake the thought of how dirty strip clubs are. I didn’t want to be there or hang around strippers, as a matter of fact. 

Am I too lame? Probably. That’s why I didn’t even open my mouth and tell my friends about it. I didn’t want to ruin everybody’s fun. That was the perfect time to get called on a case. But, of course, it didn’t happen.

- “Ok guys, anyone needs a refill?”- Mikey asked from the kitchen and grabbed a few beers from the fridge. I  can’t really complain, I had friends. I was having my bachelor party with them, and it was nice. I never imagined in my wildest dreams that could ever happen to me. 

- “Ok doc, ready for your surprise?”- Frank asked and stood next to me. 

- “What?”- I nearly jumped as I heard him, scared of what he might have planned. 

- “I got my old Xbox from my parents!”- Frank looked proud and excited with the news- “So tonight it’s Mario Party night!”    

I chuckled and nodded. Now that was entertainment. Over the years, Frank and (Y/N) had managed to teach me how to play video games, it was part of our “game nights” activities, along with a lot of board games and karaoke sessions. I, the guy who had never been good at technology, knew all the different fatalities available in Mortal Combat Armageddon. Not to brag, but I could kick ass. 

- “Are we waiting for someone else?”- Mikey asked when the bell rang. I counted my friends and shook my head. I didn’t know anyone else. Frank jogged to the door and answered, Ethan suggested maybe someone had asked for more pizzas, but there were still four boxes in the kitchen.  

- “Hello”- two girls stood outside the door and walked in. A guy followed them and stood by the door.

- “We heard there was a very smart boy here who loved reading.” 

Shit. 

All the guys started clapping and yelling as they forced me to sit down on a chair and the strippers stood in front of me. Music started playing right away and before I could even argue, one of the girls was dancing in what I could only assume was a slutty librarian costume, and the other was in a slutty teacher costume that left too little to the imagination. 

- “Hello, big boy”- one of them whispered as she leaned in against me and ran her hands down my thighs. I widened my eyes as she did so and looked at my friends, they all seemed to be enjoying the situation very much. And I loathed whoever came up with that idea. 

- “Hey… you know, there is no need to do this”- I managed to mumble as she turned around and sat on my lap, rubbing her ass against me. 

- “I heard you have a big brain. What other of your body members are considered large?”- she whispered in my ear when she turned around and straddled me. I instinctively put my hands behind my back, trying my best not to touch her, or even look at her.

- “Are you shy, big boy?”- I hated how she called me “big boy” the whole time- “Don’t worry, mama is gonna make you feel good.” 

It’s like she wanted to make me feel awkward. 

The girl moved from my lap, thankfully, but started unbuttoning her shirt. Morgan was wooing and clapping like he had been waiting for this moment. Phoenix and Rossi had singles in their hands. Mikey’s jaw was open as he stared at the stripper, and my father-in-law just sat back on the couch and drank his whisky, like he was watching any random football game on a Sunday afternoon.  

- “So, are you sure you wanna get married?”- the other girl asked me as straddled me and started unbuttoning her shirt. 

- “Would you mind not doing that, please?”- I asked and closed my eyes. 

- “What’s the matter baby? Your girlfriend doesn’t want you to enjoy your last night as a single man?” 

- “No, but I prefer not having other woman's breasts on my face. Thank you.”- I kept my eyes closed as she stayed on my lap. She moved along with the music, but I really didn’t feel comfortable at all the entire time. And my friends noticed. 

- “Ok pretty boy, don’t worry, your groomsmen are gonna take care of this for you”- Morgan said and grabbed another chair, making himself available for a lapdance. As soon as the girl moved from me, I stood up and walked away from the scene. I even felt like a needed a shower. 

I stood next to the table and grabbed a whisky. I needed one, for a fact. Phoenix took the chair I had left vacant and the other stripper soon started dancing all over him. 

- “Sorry, Doc. I tried to warn them this was a bad idea”- Frank stood next to me and tapped on my back- “But they insisted”

- “Who? I thought this was your doing?”- I frowned at my friend and he shook his head right away. 

- “I am not the kind of man who says no to a stripper”- Frank confessed chuckling- “But I know you would never be on board with this kind of thing.”

- “You are right, thank you. But then who did it?” 

- “Rossi and Morgan said it wouldn’t be a bachelor party without a stripper. Mikey and I said you were gonna hate it, but everybody else kinda pushed it, and… there you have them.”

To be fair, everybody seemed to be enjoying the strippers. Including Mikey. The girls were now doing some “artistic” scene that included sucking whipped cream from each other’s body. 

- “If it’s of any consolation, we only booked them for half hour.”- Frank added. 

- “Thanks, that helps. I’ll stay here if that’s ok.”- I pointed at the corner of the table- “But if you want to get closer...” 

 - “Nah, I’ve seen them performing live a few times already.”- my friend admitted- “And are you nervous about (Y/N)’s bachelorette’s party?”- I smiled and shook my head.

- “No, I mean, I trust her.”

- “Oh, I know, but do you trust her friends?”- Frank laughed at his remark, probably just trying to play with my brain. And it worked. Suddenly I remembered who was planning her party. Emily “sin to win” Prentiss. That couldn’t be good. 

(Y/N)’s point of view 

It was Thursday and so far, I was having a blast! My girls had the whole “bachelorette party” thing completely down to a T. They had picked me up from my mom’s house for a nice afternoon in the spa. Mimosas, massages, sauna, the whole thing. 

After that, we drove to Pretiss’, where we got ready for a party night. A limo picked us up and took us “bar touring.” It had everything I wanted: loud music, my girls, and tequila. 

- “Come on, Mrs. Reid”- Prentiss grabbed my arm and crawled me out of the current bar we had been drinking at - “We have one more surprise for you!” 

- “What?”- I questioned but one of my friends gave me a decent answer. They all just hopped in the limo, blasting my favorite Distillers song, and took me to the next bar. 

- “So, do you know anything about Spencer’s night?”- JJ asked- “How is his bachelor party going?” 

- “No, I don’t wanna text him yet and look like an obsessive girlfriend”- I admitted, blushing. Those are the kind of things I would only say when I’m already a little drunk.  

- “Awww! Aren’t you sweet!!”- Garcia slurred and sipped the margarita glass he took from the latest bar- “I don’t think Spencer would ever think you are obsessed with him. He loves your attention!” 

- “Pen is right, that man loves you too much to ever get mad at you.”- Lu said and sipped her water- “It’s slightly annoying if you ask me.” 

- “Thank you!”- Prentiss yelled and made everybody in that limo laugh. I, on the other hand, was shocked by her comment. 

- “What the fuck do you mean by annoying?” 

- “You are the definition of fluff!”-  Prentiss sentenced- “You are corny and cheesy, and adorable. You hold hands underneath the table as we go through serial killers’ profiles. Who the fuck does that?!”

- “Oh my god!! You noticed?”- I don’t know why I didn’t see it coming after all.

- “You work with fucking profilers, (Y/N)!”- Emily argued, making me feel like I was dumb for even asking- “We’ve noticed the hickeys, the bruises, that sore muscles. Everything!”

- “Oh shit!”- I covered my face with both hands, embarrassed to the bone. 

- “And now that we are on the subject, munchkin, I’ve been meaning to ask: how is Dr. Spencer Reid in the sack?” 

I swear, there was a deep silence in the limo as soon as Garcia delivered that question. All eyes were on me, waiting for my answer. One I didn’t know how to give. 

- “Come on! I’ve been dying to know!”- Garcia insisted. I sipped my drink and took a deep breath. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t ashamed about talking about my sex life, It’s just that… every time I had done such a thing before, it was with someone who didn’t know my boyfriend. Now we were talking about his friends. When we were back to work, it was gonna be weird, I knew it.

- “Ok, I’ll tell you a little”- all my friends start yelling at my answer- “But not everything!!”

- “So, does he have a mommy kink?? He looks like he is a sub with a breast and mommy kink!”- Garcia started shouting question after question- “Was he a virgin when you first met him? Did he know what to do the first time he got you naked?” 

- “So… no. He is not a sub, he doesn’t have a mommy kink that I know and he wasn’t a virgin. And, I can’t stress this enough: he is a fucking genius!!”

All my friends stared at me in shock. Like I was saying the craziest thing ever. Did they actually expect me to tell them Spencer sucked in bed? I could never, and would never do such a thing, ‘cos I am not a liar. Also, ‘cos I was already half drunk. 

- “Seriously? Reid?”- Prentiss frowned- “But… how?”

- “I honestly don’t know. But trust me, he knows what he is doing.”- I winked and added- “Have you ever noticed how long his fingers are?”

- “Gross!!”- Garcia yelled and jumped on her seas as JJ stared at me, blushing.  

- “Penelope Garcia, you fucking asked!! Why are you grossed out?! I haven’t even told you about his kinks! And lemme tell you…”- at my words, Lu jumped from her seat and covered my mouth with her hand.   

- “I don’t care if she asks, please don’t tell us! I don’t wanna know!”

- “I’m just shocked! I thought you had taught him everything!”- Pen explained- “But don’t get me wrong, I am glad you are enjoying this relationship.” 

- “Trust me, I am. I enjoy it very often”- I smirked and my friends nodded. 

- “We know! I just told you, your hickeys are not invisible, and you are often sored.”- Prentiss pointed out and I would have blushed if I hadn’t been too busy finishing my margarita. 

- “Ok girls, we are here!”- JJ announced and opened the door, leaving me with all the sex details I could have shared, but didn’t. 

- “Where did you take me now?”- I asked as I got off the limo and took a look around- “Emily Prentiss, you have to be fucking joking.”

We were in the Green Zone, right outside a male Strip Club called “Hunk-O-Mania”. I really wasn’t sure I wanted to go in there. I had never been scared to party, but male strippers are way out of my comfort zone. There was only one man I wanted to see naked, and I was counting the hours to fuck him after our wedding.  

- “Come on Mrs. Reid!”- Prentiss grabbed my arm and crawled me in. I looked at my friend’s faces and they were all incredibly excited about the situation. Was I the only one who didn’t want to go there? 

We sat at our table and a hunky waiter without a shirt got us our complimentary drinks. Garcias’ eyes were wide open, looking pretty much like a cartoon character. I thought her jaw was gonna drop and her tongue would roll down the table the second she saw him and the rest of the staff. 

- “Congratulations Mrs. Reid”- the waiter winked at me as he read the sash the girl had gotten me, part of my party props as a bride, that also included a little veil and a crown.  

- “Thank you”- I replied and tried to keep my eyes on his as we spoke. It was quite embarrassing ‘cos he was hot and toned and I know I was supposed to enjoy the view. But it felt weird. And awkward. So I decided not to stare at his body. 

- “Maybe we could get the bride some shots to keep her going”- Prentiss suggested and the waiter nodded immediately. 

- “I never thought we were gonna end up in a place like this.”- I confessed.

- “It’s not a bachelorette party without a good stripper show. We deserve it as the bride’s squad, and you earned it after waiting for Reid all these years!!”- Garcia made a point. I did wait for my man for a very long time. 

- “All those years without sex, I still can’t believe it!”- Prentiss was still shocked about that fact- “I mean, I can believe it from Reid, ‘cos I thought he was a monk. But you?! You could have gotten some!”

I laughed and covered my face with both hands. It wasn’t like we had never talked about sex before, but we had never talked about sex with Spencer. 

- “Got a lot of vibrators though”- I managed to say and all my girls laughed along. 

- “You could have gotten laid way before if only you had heard us when we told you he was crazy in love with you”- JJ pointed out and Lu nodded frenetically. 

- “I told her so many times! So many times!”- my childhood friend seemed to be taking a weight from her chest as she complained about all the years I spent in denial- “But she kept repeating over and over again Reid didn’t love her.” 

- “It was painful to watch.”- JJ commented. Somehow I felt she was awfully quiet that night. Maybe she didn’t want to be at the club either. Perhaps she didn’t want to know any details about Spencer in the sack. Garcia stood up and raised her glass. That wasn’t the first toast of the night. If anything, I had already lost track of how many we had shared already. But that was by far the funniest of them all: 

- “I raise my glass tonight for the cutest bride that has ever existed. I can’t believe you are the first of us getting married after all the years you made us wait to finally confess your feelings to Spencer. But most of all, I can’t believe this might have happened three years ago, but you were so fucking stubborn you made us all wait for the greatest bachelorette party there has ever been!” 

My friends laughed so hard, some girls from other tables turned to look at us, confused by all the noise we were making. A few minutes later, the lights dimmed and the show started. And a few dancers showed up on the stage. Everybody started yelling and clapping, and I took advantage that no one was paying attention, and grabbed my phone to text my boyfriend. 

- “I miss you, hon”- I quickly texted and he replied in a matter of seconds. 

- “Me most. Rossi is drunk btw.”- I chuckled as I read those words, trying to imagine how that party was going. I also giggled thinking Spencer had never texted “btw” before. 

- “Are you having fun?”- I had to ask ‘cos I was worried Frank had planned anything Reid wouldn’t enjoy.

- “Yes! Videogames, pizza, and beer. You?”

- “Male strippers and drinks”- I wrote and after I sent it I realized it might upset Spencer. 

- “Nake guys?! Really?!”

- “They are not naked, and I’m not watching ‘cos I’m texting you.”- I hoped my boyfriend wasn’t mad. I knew he trusted me and loved me. He couldn’t get mad about it, right? 

- “Try to control Garcia. Morgan would never forgive her if he knows what you are doing”- I laughed at his reply, and that was when Prentiss noticed what I was doing, and snatched the phone from my hands. 

- “Stop talking with Reid!”

- “I just wanted to know how he was doing!”- I pouted as I grabbed my phone back and put it in my pocket. 

- “Well, stop this now and watch the guy getting naked!”- my friend commanded, making me chuckle. 

- “Yes ma’am.”

Spencer’s point of view

Around one in the morning, everybody was drunk. Myself included. Whisky, beer, and vodka kept flowing like a river of booze that kept my friends and family going. The jokes never stopped. After the strippers left, we played video games for a while. Frank has also gotten a shot roulette, which Rossi, Chief (Y/L/N), and Hotch seemed extremely into. We also played a lot of drunken Jenga, and even some poker, after my friends were drunk enough to think they could win against me.

Rossi was wasted. He has shared way too much personal info for me to look at him right in the eyes ever again. The story of his latest prostate exam wasn’t necessary. And yet, he gave us all the details we didn’t even ask for. 

At that moment, I was holding a drink. I don’t even remember what it was, but I do know I kept drinking it as Phoenix and Morgan made me laugh. 

- “What was that?”- Mikey asked suddenly and muted the radio. We all looked at each other confused. I hadn’t heard a thing. 

- “Please guys, no more strippers”- I argued immediately, thinking the worst. 

- “I swear, there are no more tits on the agenda. Unless Rossi takes his shirt out.”- Frank answered, laughing. I know it was a joke, but considering how drunk he was, it was a real possibility.

- “Maybe Mikey is paranoid”- Ethan said and chuckled.

- “No, I heard someone yelling”- Mikey argued immediately and we all stayed quiet for a few seconds. But nothing.  

- “Dude, you are drunk.”- Frank tapped on Mikey’s back a few times. Until we all heard it.

- “Hotch!”- someone was screaming Aaron’s name downstairs. Considering how drunk we were, we stumbled to the nearest window and for a moment I didn’t recognize anyone. Until I saw a limo downstairs, and my girlfriend waving and holding a tequila bottle, as we all heard Prentiss yelling:

- “Hotch! You are a dilf!!” 

- “You are such a daddy, Hotch!”- Penelope supported Emily and some neighbor yelled asking them to shut up. 

- “You are Unit chief daddy!!”- Prentiss continued yelling. I chuckled and headed to the door. If my girl was drunk downstairs, I needed to steal a kiss. 

I ran the four floors down the stairs, and when I got to the sidewalk, (Y/N) was already out of the limo. Lu was with her, looking like the only sober person of that party (and mine, as a matter of fact). 

- “Of course, lover boy is here!”- Penelope said and rolled her eyes- “I knew he was going to run to his bride as soon as he saw her.”

I just waved at her ‘cos my eyes were locked in my girl. I hadn’t seen her that day, and I had missed her terribly. I couldn’t wait until Saturday, when we would finally marry and I wouldn’t be forced to spend another day away from her. 

- “Hey”- she whispered when I stood in front of her, just staring into her eyes. She smiled and cupped my face, standing on the tip of her toes, reaching my lips and kissing me. 

- “Oh come on!”- Prentiss argued right away- “We are on the run! Come on, lovers! We have to keep the party going!”

- “But I wanna stay with him”- (Y/N) whined and wrapped her arms around my neck and I did the same, holding her in my arms, keeping her as close to me as possible- “I missed him.”

- “But it’s your bachelorette party tonight! You can’t spend it with your fiance!”- Garcia argued, but her frown disappeared as soon as she saw Morgan, and ran to him. 

- “Pretty boy! What are you doing here? Come on!”- he was there to force me back to the party- “And what the fuck was that “Hotch is a dilf” shit going on?”

- “Oh! Oh! Oh!”- Garcia hyperventilated as she tried to explain. I heard part of what she was saying, ‘cos (Y/N) grabbed my face and planted a deep kiss on my lips, that made me feel more dizzy than I was already. 

- “So, can you save me from my bachelorette party?”- my girlfriend whispered and I chuckled at those words. 

- “If you can save me from mine…”

- “Are you too drunk to drive?”- she asked innocently and I nodded, embarrassed as I tried not to chuckle, I don’t know why, maybe ‘cos I was in fact very drunk.

- “Damn it! We are gonna have to get a cab then”- (Y/N) pouted as she cursed and I remember thinking I wanted to kiss her for the rest of the night. 

- “Are you drunk too?”- I asked, surprised. 

- “Two drinks away from blacking out.”- she replied and giggled- “But still… I would run away with you right now.” 

- “Come on, Mrs. Reid, time to go!”- JJ grabbed (Y/N)’s arms and that was when I noticed the sash on my fianceé’s body. 

- “Oh shit… can you keep that?”- I slurred and (Y/N) blushed immediately. Everyone had heard my question and I knew they kept looking at us, probably figuring out one of my kinks. 

- “I’m gonna try, hon.”- my girl mumbled and giggled.

- “But wait, where are you taking her?”- I asked and held (Y/N)’s hand as JJ tried to take her away from me. 

- “We have to continue with our bachelorette schedule.” 

- “It’s two in the morning, JJ, can we call it a night and stay here for a while?”- (Y/N) begged and turned to Emily, who was now trying to get Penelope away from Morgan. And clearly failing in the process. 

- “Hotch! Thank god you are here!”- (Y/N) said suddenly, as she managed to get rid of JJ’s hold and ran to our unit chief, who was also drunk. 

- “Mrs. Reid! Are you having fun?”- Hotch asked her as my bride wrapped her arms around him and started whimpering. 

- “JJ wants to take me away from Spencer. Please don’t let her.” 

- “I just wanna take her back to her party”- JJ explained, also looking drunk. Will was upstairs, with the rest of the guys, I wondered at that minute if she didn’t want to talk to him, see him or ask him how he was going. 

- “If she doesn’t want to go, she can stay here, we are just playing cards.”- Hotch added, acting so cool about everything you might think he wanted the girls to hang with us. 

- “Cards you said?”- Emily asked and raised an eyebrow- “I could use some extra cash to pay for the party. This was actually pretty expensive.” 

And just like that, Prentiss asked the driver to leave and then started walking back into Frank’s building with Hotch, and we all followed. (Y/N) ran back to me and held my hand as I wrapped an arm around her body and kissed her. 

- “So, no strippers upstairs?”- she whispered and I chuckled immediately.  

- “God! No! It was all Rossi and Morgan’s doing.”- I stopped her from walking and kissed her lips one more time before asking the question that had been spinning my head the whole time- “Why is Hotch daddy, by the way?” 

- “Oh, that’s a good story.”- (Y/N) chuckled as she moved apart from me, still holding my hand and smiled- “So, you noticed we are all pretty much intoxicated.” 

- “Yes, you’ve mentioned it.” - we were all drunk, but still completely aware of our actions. Thankfully. 

- “So, we were in the limo...”

- “Nice ride, by the way”- I interrupted her- “You had a party with style.” 

- “Thanks, Emily planned the whole event down to the minute.”- we stood by the building door, my hands were on her waist and her arms were locked around my neck. I just stared at her for a minute, thinking there was no way she was actually going to marry me. 

- “So, we were drunk in a limo playing “Truth or dare” and one thing led to the other… JJ and Prentiss kissed by the way.” 

- “Really?”- I honestly didn’t care, I was hypnotized by (Y/N)’s lips. I couldn’t stop thinking about all the things I wanted to do to her and I still wasn’t sure I could wait until our wedding night.

- “Yeah, so we were playing and Garcia said to Emily “I dare you to tell Hotch he is your daddy,” and one thing led to the other and now here we are.”- I nodded at her explanation, barely listening. I leaned over and landed a soft kiss on her lips.  

- “Hey.”- (Y/N) whispered, forgetting about the story and focusing on kissing me again. 

- “Hey.”- I replied and toyed with the gem of her shirt as I felt her fingers playing with my hair. I deepened the kiss and moved her closer to my body, feeling her moan softly against my lips. 

- “Come on, lovers!”- Frank showed up and interrupted what could have been a memorable pre wedding moment- “We are waiting for you upstairs! Chop, chop! Hands where I can see them!” 

- “But Paco!”- (Y/N) whined and her friend simply shook his head. 

- “Not until you are married, I didn’t make the rules, you did.” 

- “Are you trying to make me pay for interrupting you with your girlfriend the other night?”- I asked Frank, holding (Y/N) closer and trying to steal another kiss from her lips. But as soon as she heard me, she stopped and let me go, turning to her best friend in shock. 

- “Girlfriend? You have a girlfriend and you never told me?!”

- “Thank you, doc.”- Frank raised an eyebrow as he turned to me. I simply smiled and waved, knowing that was not the way he wanted to tell her the news. 

- “You have a girlfriend? Shit! Are you bringing her to our wedding? A complete stranger?”- maybe telling (Y/N) about this when she was drunk hadn’t been a good idea after all. 

- “Listen, nugget, before you freak out.”- Frank started explaining. 

- “It might be a little late for that.”- I suggested and the two of them turned to me looking very much furious. I just raised my hands in defeat and closed my mouth.  

- “When were you planning on telling me? This is huge news!”- (Y/N) demanded to know. 

- “I wanted to tell you last week, but clearly it wasn’t the right time. Sorry.”- Paco seemed honestly concerned about (Y/N)’s reaction. I knew they were close, with Mikey and Lu. Closer than me and the BAU team, if you ask me. Which meant (Y/N) was going to be emotional and a little (a lot) overprotective. 

- “But this is huge! Since when? How did this happen? How come you are dating?!”- (Y/N) let me go completely and wrapped her arms around Frank. I don’t know if it was because of the alcohol, but the whole thing was very emotional. 

- “We met a few weeks ago at a local show.”

- “Mikey knows her too?!”- (Y/N) nearly shouted, and hit Frank’s arm. 

- “No, I was alone watching a show, I was going to meet Jerry there, but he never showed up. It was alone, and she was there, we started talking, and we hit it off very fast. So far, it’s been great.”

(Y/N) stayed quiet staring at Frank, processing all the information. I knew he had dated a few girls in the last couple of years, but he hadn’t had a proper girlfriend since way before I had met them. So yes, it was a big deal. 

- “What’s her name?”- my girl asked, trying to look calm and unbothered. 

- “Tarah.”- Frank replied in a split second- “You’d love her.” 

I could feel (Y/N)’s hesitation as she heard her best friend speak. I don’t know if she was jealous, or worried Frank might get hurt. Probably a little bit of both. I know she has always been very close to Frank, Lu and Mikey, and I also knew she hated Mikey’s girlfriend. She wasn’t even invited to the wedding, Mikey had agreed to take Lu as a date because he knew none of his friends liked his girl. So, it was obvious in case any other of her friends got a date, (Y/N) was going to be concerned. 

- “Maybe you could bring her tomorrow for the rehearsal dinner?”- she suggested- “I don’t want strangers at our wedding.” 

Frank’s face lit up at those words, and without hesitation, he wrapped his arms around her waist and spun her around as he gave her a bone crushing hug. 

- “Thank you, nugget! I love you so much!”

- “I don’t like her yet, save the love for my blessing.” 

- “Come on! We always liked the doc, give her a chance!”- Frank argued, though I knew both of them were joking. 

- “What’s not to love about Spencer, Paco?”- she questioned with a cocky smirk on her lips. 

- “I give you that, freaking doc is adorable.”- Frank chuckled and turned to me- “Thank you for making her so happy, Reid.”

- “My pleasure. I promise I’ll keep doing it until my last day on earth”- I added and I saw how Frank’s eyes teared up in a second. It must have been the booze, but I felt quite emotional at the moment. So I opened my arms and felt him hugging me in less than a second. 

Dear 20 year old me, you are gonna get a lot of hugs and a lot of kisses once you meet the woman that will change your life forever. And trust me, you are gonna love it.  

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@miaxx03

[aquatixwitch]

So, on December 28th, I was hired to do my first professional walkthrough and cleansing as a witch and intuitive medium. It went well; it was a hospice facility, so as well as such a transitory place could go. But I surprised even myself.

Highlights include:

-

Me, to a young male (black) nurse: yo, you. Were you raised by your grandma?

Him: *jaw drops* Yeah man, how'd you know?

Me: because she's here and she's telling me over my shoulder that you've done good and she's proud of you for gettin outta trouble. She was bigger, right? Like a big ol southern black lady.

Him: Whoa. O_0

-

Nurse, explaining to me about all the activity and feeling of being watched in the laundry room.

Me: well you got about 10 people here whose families never claimed them, right? They like it here because it's quiet. They all just talk and then hush when you ladies come in because they know it creeps you out.

Nurse: OMG.

-

ME: *stops in front of a room* ...someone just passed here. Like. Two days ago?

Nurse: Yeah, omg. *thinking she's getting clever* How though?

Me: She fell. But that was secondary to what --she? She died of. She had pneumonia or something because I'm having a hard time breathing here. So.. aspiration pneumonia?

Nurse: now I'm freaking out.

-

Me, getting a sharp stabbing pain in my back in the nurses office while I'm cleansing: whoa ok. Bad jubies here. Okay I'm hitting this on the way back through again.

Me, when I come back again, the pain is gone: okay ...*Poltergeist lady voice* this house is clear. *Regular me voice* but some bchz in here are playing around with stuff and bringing nasty stuff to work with them. Knock that sh!t off. And ffs put some plants in here jfc.

-

*

I saw other very creepy things while I was there, but the worst one I saw was attached to a person, not the facility, and I said to the administrator in plain English that it was beyond my scope to get rid of it, because the resident is A) catholic and b) in that context...is oppressed and frankly needs an exorcist. I told them if she has a local priest come, which she apparently does, to give said priest my advice. Whether they do or not, we'll see, I'm scheduled to go back in six months when I'm off work in the summer.

It was intense, and exhausting. It takes a lot outta me to do a cleansing on a place that big. But it's newer, so if the facility follows up regularly, which I showed the admin how to do, it should stay relatively light and peaceful... for a hospice.

I think large places like this are gonna be a rare exception tho. Houses I can do...ish. Hospitals and such? Too much too often would probably kill me.

[genderqueerdykes]

Our Hunt for a Home Continues: February 19th - 24th, 2023.

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We received a call on February 16th about an opportunity that had opened up with a low-income housing program designed for disabled people. We had been waiting on this opportunity for 4 or 5 months and were ecstatic when the call finally came through. The other units we were looking into renting were in the worst part of town, and charging $700 or more per month for a 1 bedroom or studio unit.

We were instructed to head over to this apartment complex on Feb 20th to fill out paperwork. We hopped in an Uber and went on over. We were shown the unit, then handed an application, told to get a $16 money order to cover the application fee, and come back and hand it all in. Well, it sounded a lot easier than it ended up being.

We don’t own a car and can’t drive due to disabilities (hallucinations, dissociation, anxiety, you get the picture). So in order to get this money order, we asked what places nearby could get us one. We were told to head to a local Circle K. We looked on Google Maps, saw it was 3 minutes away, and started walking. Well, it thought we were in a car, so it meant 3 minutes driving time.

After walking for about 15 minutes before realizing something was up, our legs felt like jello. Our left leg had a pinched nerve in it that day and was sending shooting pain up our hip and down our thigh with every step. Our hypermobile & arthritic joints were already screaming in pain and our feet needed a rest after just one city block of walking. We had to call another Uber. The problem was, for whatever reason, our cellphone service provider has abysmal service in the downtown Albuquerque area.

We lost service about 5 times trying to hail Ubers over the course of the day, causing us to have several public meltdowns. It’s hard to stay calm when your phone is on 20% battery, you keep losing your only way to hail a ride, and you’re in too much pain to walk anywhere where someone can help you. After a long fight we got connected with a driver who was very understanding of our situation, despite our language barrier.

They took us to several locations for free, as we first went to a Circle K gas station that didn’t do money orders, then attempted another gas station across the street, then a bank, and so on. It took a lot of stops but the driver didn’t mind, as I was paying for the longer stops across town. I didn’t care either because it became apparent that it was President’s Day after I tried to go to a bank and it was closed. I almost gave up, but decided to call the Circle K near my home, who turned out, did do money orders. I redirected my driver from dropping me off at home, got the money order, ran back to the apartment complex with just half an hour to spare before they closed.

Filling out the application filled me with dread. The desk staff person was very nice, but she was very blunt about the entire approval process. Because they can only take a percentage of your earned income, they are a very strict program that requires each tenant to pass a credit score check AND an extensive background check that monitors ALL of the renter’s history. She told me that this part of the approval process is where a lot of people get turned away. A lot of people don’t make it, she said.

After handing in my application, I knew it was fucked. I had been holding my breath and waiting for this unit. It seemed like it would come right in time- just right before the 28th, when I’m set to be homeless. But I got the call 2 days later where she said I was denied, due to an instance of unpaid rent in my past. I sighed heavily, asked her if I would be able to apply again after I got that sorted, and she said yes.

I freaked the fuck out, texted every local friend that I could, and let them know of my predicament. I was very lucky in finding a local friend whose roommate is leaving in 2 weeks. They are willing to charge me $495/month, which is way lower than anything I’ve been able to find on the market. We agreed to help each other out until I can figure something more permanent out. It’s not a solution I’d like to take, as I barely know this person, but if it helps both of us, so be it.

The instance of unpaid rent in another state was due to us having lived in Missouri at the time, far away from friends, family, and medical care. We were living with some folks at the time who ended up ghosting us after we helped them move in together. It left us stranded in a very cold state with unsurvivable winters and no programs for homelessness. There was no medicaid or other insurance that would cover me. I couldn’t even get my proper medical care while there, and after a while, my partner and I at the time decided we needed to leave for some place cheaper and safer. The heavy winters were too scary for us, as two people who have been homeless.

The landlord here would not allow us to terminate our lease early despite us expressing that it was an emergency and we literally could not stay any longer due to my health failing severely while in the harsh winters. I was developing arthritis symptoms that I had never seen before, and I was getting so sick that I couldn’t function. Still, my landlord wouldn’t budge and said we had to pay for the rest of the lease. We refused and left anyways, but the landlord didn’t care, I suppose.

I found out today that there is potentially help to get this debt paid for and consolidated, which will make me eligible for the low-income housing program for disabled people once more. I am not going to hold my breath that this is a fast process by any means, but, I am hoping that they will be able to clear that up so I can ever hope to rent an apartment of my own again. My credit score is 9 points under the threshold they wanted, so that will be my next goal…

The only other units in the city I could find that can drum up a lease for me with my circumstances were trying to charge $685/month and $725/month, one of which being in one of the worst parts of town. I would have to pay a massive $650 deposit at both of these places, plus have to get utilities set up in my name, as well as get internet set up for my job, and a lot of other costs that will not be apparent at first, but will stack on very quickly.

I am very scared moving in with roommates in general- I am not afraid of my current roommate, but I have lived with many, many different roommates, in many different places, for many different reasons. Roommate situations fall apart very easily. Money is almost always the thing that tears roommates and friends apart- whether it’s someone not paying their portion of the rent, not buying enough groceries, not paying for a bill, gambling, shopping when they can’t afford it, and so forth…

My case worker helped me contact a local Christian charity who does housing programs and we were able to contact someone who actually seems like they can help me with permanent, long term housing- they said all of their programs are permanent, but are best suited for people in low income situations and poor health. When they asked where I was headed my case worker said a friend’s couch, and this was the first person on the phone who said, after learning about my income being a fluctuating thing, “well now that makes me even more nervous- because if she* can’t pay that $500 one time, she’s very well gonna be right back out on the street. Roommate situations almost always fall apart. I don’t feel like that’s safe for her.” [*”She”s in this context referring to me/my system.]

This charity requires that the individual stays for at least one day at a homeless shelter in order to get an official letter of homelessness. I have been to and spent time in several shelters in my city, I don’t mind one day if it means a potential future of secure housing. They told me a lot of other things that sound quite promising. I just have to hope that I can hold out until they can get something prepared for me. They said they have furnished units that are basically ready and waiting…

Staying with a friend for now isn’t the end of the world. In fact, I’m going to save some money by not having to pay for a deposit, movers, and potentially storage, now. But I’m nervous, as any kind of roadblock can cause this situation to fall apart. Disagreements, not getting a lot of money from Etsy one month, physical and mental illness, personal issues, and other life stressors can cause a lot of problems. Plus, this person may eventually decide they want someone else to move in instead, as it is their place, not mine, and that is their decision to make.

With any hope, I can get my past rental dues cleared, and have a better chance with these programs. I am hoping and praying, but that will take time, more time than I have. It is February 24th, 2023 as of writing this, and I have to be out of my apartment on February 28th. I have to have all of my possessions and myself and my pet rat out on this date, or else police will be called, and my things will be thrown on to the sidewalk, and into dumpsters. My case worker confirmed that this is the case, and I have known people who have gone through this personally.

I am very frightened. It has been hard to stay calm. I’m not exactly excited to be working with a Christian charity as someone who is visibly trans- “”female”” birth marker and deadname, but High T body, deep voice, and short hair. It’s caused problems with domestic violence shelters in the past, and can cause problems with religious organizations. I just have to hope and pray that these people love Jesus more than they hate queers.

My case worker was pretty convinced we’d be able to get our hotel stay covered by some local programs, but after 2 hours of phone calls this morning, we discovered that all of the hotel voucher programs in town have used up their funds, and the majority of them require the individual to have a child, which I do not. I have littles, but they’re system kids, not bodily ones, but they’re not so kind as to consider any of that.

I honestly didn’t anticipate any of those programs coming through. I’m just hoping that I’m able to be able to afford the two weeks in an extended stay hotel and that not too many more things come up. I didn’t really want it to have to come to this, but it’s either this, or sign a 1 year lease for 1 bedroom apartment in the least safe part of town, for $685+/month. I can’t afford that, it’s unrealistic. As much as I’d like to totally have a place all to myself right now, I can’t do it unless one of these programs actually works with me.

Anyway, I just wanted to explain why it’s been so hard for us to post regularly lately. This has all been over the course of one week. One of the worst days of our collective life was on Tuesday, having to run around town to get a money order just to be told we won’t have a place to live come the 28th… heart breaking. It felt very uncomfortable to beg friends yet again for a place to stay, but this is the life of queer, poor and disabled people. We have to do what we have to to survive and it’s not pretty. Sometimes it involves putting strain on people you love and none of us want to do it.

With any hope our disability benefits get approved sometime soon and we won’t have to wait much longer to afford to live. But until now things are very tight, and any help that we get goes directly toward our survival and staying off the street.

This is why we take the time to thank everyone we can for their help and support- it makes all the difference, especially when programs that are designed to help people like me fail miserably, or have unexpected roadblocks. Every bit of help, even the smallest donations or purchases from our store enable us to stay safe, and we appreciate each and every one greatly.

We will try to post more updates as things progress. We are finding it a bit easier to endure this when we share updates, as it helps give people an idea of what life is like for people who aren’t quite so privileged. Things that take others a few minutes can take hours for us, given our lack of reliable transportation and inconsistent health.

Thank you for reading, take care, stay safe, and I hope you find an easier time staying sheltered if you are a similarly disabled, poor queer person. It’s not easy out there. We have to take care of one another, it is the only way.

Rook

[cryptidsurveys]

Thursday, November 28th, 2024.

What did you have for dinner tonight? I haven't had dinner yet, but I've made / will be making chicken drumsticks (no turkey because it's just me and my dad), green bean casserole, macaroni salad, sweet potato, and probably pumpkin pie and / or pumpkin cake for dessert.

If you were given a million dollars, what would you spend it on? Probably just some home repairs and then just save the rest.

Have you ever cried in front of your parents over a boyfriend or girlfriend? Mmhm.

What does your bedroom smell like right now? I can't smell anything in particular beyond the yogurt bowl I'm eating.

Have you ever shaved off your eyebrow before? No.

Do you want to have a boy or girl whenever you have kids? I don't want to have kids, but hypothetically speaking, I wouldn't care what gender they were.

Your pregnant with twins: What do you name them? No idea. Naming is not my strong suit.

Describe your outfit. Gray sweatpants, dark blue long-sleeved animal shelter shirt, and a plain gray hoodie.

What gigabyte is your memory card?

What brand is your digital camera? Sony Cybershot. I've been relying on my phone for photos for years now, though.

When was the last time you hung out with your best friend? Never. They live all the way in California. Maybe one day we'll manage to visit one another.

What is a movie you're waiting to see? I'm not waiting to see anything, but I saw Wicked with my mom yesterday. Never saw the original Broadway show but thoroughly enjoyed the film. Had the final song stuck in my head the whole rest of the day.

Who was the last person to cook something for you? It wasn't just for me, but Riley brought some homemade brownie bites to the animal shelter on Tuesday.

Do you ever sit and think what if about something? If so, what is it? What if I don't go back to my eating disorder; what if I fully recovered this time? What if I could just be myself instead of trying to please everyone; would I be more or less likeable? What if suicide isn't the answer to all of my future fears; what if I actually manage to build a stable life for myself? What if I'm always lonely? Etc.

What’s on tv right now? Nothing.

Do you ever stop and smell the roses? Yeah. Figuratively speaking, I feel like I'm frantically trying to grab and smell every rose I can. Time just moves so quickly these days and it's kind of freaking me out. Sure, there are instances when I stupidly wish it away - wish for the day to end, wish for the "weekend," wish for the holiday season to come back around once it's over - but time passing is also one of my biggest fears. I wish I could live in my happy moments a little bit longer, or somehow engage with them more fully.

Where do you download music from? Nowhere.

How many channels do you have on your tv?

What are you most scared of? Losing my dad, ending up homeless, never forming strong friendships / relationships.

If you were given a chance to bring someone back to life, who would you choose?

Do you talk to any of your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend? No.

If so, which one?

What is your mom doing right now? I don't know what she's doing right this second, but she told me yesterday that she was going to her roommate's sister's house for Thanksgiving.

Are you currently listening to music? I'm not.

What is the weather like right now? 29*F and sunny.

Do you like new music or older music? I tend to prefer older music. Classical and classic rock. I do like some new stuff, but I just don't really keep up with it.

If you could make a law, what would kind of law would you make? I wouldn't.

What was the last video game you played? I'm not sure… It's been years since I last played a video game, but possibly Maple Story…?

What is currently going on in the room you're in right now? Not a whole lot. I'm just taking this survey while Karenna, one of my kitties, sleeps on a beanbag in the alcove.

Do you know where your best friend is? Cali.

Who was the last person to comment you on Facebook?

What is your display picture of on Facebook?

Do you ever sit and think about the past? I still think about it, but I don't spend a whole lot of time dwelling on the deep past. I'm much more likely to ruminate on or replay recent events.

If you could relive any moment in time: what would it be? Backpacking memories with my dad.

Are you a talker or a listener? Around my mom and dad, I'm more of a talker. Around people at the animal shelter, I'm more of a listener. I would like to talk more, but I either don't have anything relevant to contribute or I don't know how to jump into the conversation.

What is one food you will not eat? Seaweed. I've tried it before and I am not a fan. Also don't think I could bring myself to try anchovies.

Do you eat anything now that you never used to eat? Lots of things. I used to be a pretty picky eater.

Have you ever kissed the same sex? Yeah.

When does school start this year?

Do you ever shout for absolutely no reason? Pure zest for life…?

Have you stuck with your new years resolution? Had to go back to past IG posts to see what I actually intended to do… From Dec 27th, 2023.🌟 Therapy day! One of the things we talked about near the end of the appointment was how 2023 has felt like "The Year of the Boomerang." So many things I lost or let go of have returned to my life - driving, the animal shelter, reconnecting with my mom, being somewhat consistent with art, going out to eat regularly, going to the movies, going out more in general…even accidentally stumbling across an ex-partner's social media account (lol, I definitely didn't appreciate THAT blast from the past 🙅‍♂️).

I can honestly say that this has been the best year I've had in…I don't even know how long. At least a decade, but maybe even longer than that. It might even be the best year I've had in my LIFE, if only because so much of it felt like I was finally starting to take real control of my path.

I don't know what 2024 has in store for me, but I hope to continue making positive changes. One of the things I really want to focus on is that ever-elusive concept of Self Love. I've tried for so long to break this cycle of self-hatred, but I just haven't quite managed to crack the code. I feel like that's a huge missing piece for me, though. If I can finally "get it," then I think this whole recovery thing will really come together. 🌟

And then… From Jan 4th, 2024. ☁️ Been a few days, but I've basically been up to "the usual" - animal shelter, etc. 🐱 Starting to make more changes to my food/eating. Just this intuitive feeling that I need to make some improvements before I can unlock new opportunities. Trying not to think about it in terms of weight, but as a way to increase my energy levels, decrease migraines, improve sleep, lessen anxiety, and that sort of thing.

In the past, there were times when I would only change my eating after a big opportunity came along, which left me playing catch up (with questionable success). This time, just in case, I want to be ready. If nothing else, hopefully I will feel better and be one step closer to food freedom. Still a long way to go, but so far from where I was. ☁️

SO... My eating has improved so much compared to last January. I'm pretty close to the "normal" BMI range. I eat a wider variety of foods with more freedom and less anxiety. I don't rely nearly so much on my eating disorder for comfort / identity / security. As for self-love…I think I've made some improvements in that realm as well. Not as much as I would have liked, but…eh. Overall, 2024 was like 2023 turned up a notch. Feel like I basically succeeded in my goals.

Do you need to lose any weight right now? No.

What is something you want right now? Deeper friendships and social connections. To feel like I really belong somewhere. I think people generally / superficially like me, but they don't know me. And that's my fault. But sometimes the loneliness hits me and it's just like…damn. This hurts.

Do you hate when you see teachers in stores? Hasn't happened in ages, probably wouldn't even recognize them / be recognized if it did, but don't hate the idea of it.

What always puts a smile on your face? Kitties. :')

Where can I find you on a Saturday night? Home.

What is the best thing about Sundays? Half-days at the animal shelter. Relaxing afternoons / evenings at home.

What is your music provider (itunes, windows media player)? I just use YouTube.

How many songs do you have?

When was the last time you had a period? Beginning of this month.

Why do you think the sky is blue? Particles and scattered light wavelengths and whatnot.

If you could change the sky to any color, which would you choose? Cloudy, pearlescent, golden dawn / dusk.

Is there anything wrong with you right now?

Do you hate when people stare at you? It can be awkward.

[theugliestcrown]

The 28th of August

I push people till they're mad at me

Push against the boundary

Then I apologise, look blank and quiet down again

Shit’s just flattery

Because, see, if I don't, 

They say I'm boring, just ordinary,

Say something bitch, you ain't winning no lottery

Do you want a quiet freak, or something truly extraordinary?

First decide what I'm fucking lacking

Then fucking back it

I ain't listening to no hater with no fucking backing

Bend that back over till you fucking crack it

The only thing you good at is fucking lying

Tell me where you were when I was crying?

when I was sighing?

When I was flying?

You fucking bitch, you can’t even tell,

You were lost in god, in hell

But did he ever tell you I was well?

Did he?

Did he tell you how I felt

When I saw you holding a knife in the air

Above my little baby

Did he tell you about the fear, the rage, the regret? (‘fuck this shit, why didn't i kill fucking myself?’)

I hope you fucking lie in the dirt with millions of scorpions in your hair

Go fucking kill yourself,

just like how you told me to just because I was just being myself

It’s not that I hate him,

It’s just that I hate you

I'm fucking agnostic

But the way you preach

Is like a leech,

More like a screech

You take the Lord’s name in vain

I mean, that ain't even the book you read, but you get what I'm saying

You fucking hypocrite, I hope he never fucking accepts your repentance

‘Cause if he does, I don't even fucking know what you’re believing in

It might as well be the devil trying to lure you in

Into a false sense of saintliness

‘Cause you’re fucking delirious

And YOU, bitch, nah, don’t act so innocent

It’s true you were kinda better,

but you tolerated this shit

Who am i fucking kidding,

You were always the one to hit harder

Physical distance is further

Emotional distance is father

[liberty-barnes]

heey darling! recently got into your y/n lively-reynolds series and I just wanted to ask if there is any timeline? and by that i mean if you actually thought of the year blake adopted y/n, etc. thank you and have a great day!!

oh totally! so here it is

TYNLRS TIMELINE (plus bonus scenes)

contains spoilers for all chapters so it's best to read it at the end

all new additions are the ones with X in front of them

(Y/n)'s birthday was estimated to be around late October/early November of 1998. She was abandoned in front of a church, therefore they had no means of knowing her actual birth date.

November 13th 2006: Blake adopts (Y/n) from an orphanage in Los Angeles. They were 19 and 8 respectively. Blake went in for a PR visit at the request of her manager but immediately fell in love with (Y/n). After learning that she'd been in foster care for most of her life and had developed selective mutism from the constant moves and instability, Blake decided she'd start the adoption process in order to give her a stable home. Many judged her for it because she was young, and they saw it as "throwing her life away" but Blake never listened, and instead, raised one of the best actresses in our generations. November 13th became (Y/n)'s "official" birthday, as it is the day she was adopted.

March 21st 2016: (Y/n) makes her acting debut in Supernatural at eighteen years old.

April 27th 2018: Tom and (Y/n) meet for the first time at the Infinity War premiere and form a quick friendship that the public immediately adores.

December 16th 2018: Tom and (Y/n) start dating. It becomes harder to dismiss their touches as purely platonic, so the fans start to wonder if there's something other than friendship going on.

[Part 1] June 17th 2021: Tom and (Y/n) are paired up together for a Wired Autocomplete Interview. As their public friendship is very popular, their teams have taken to putting them in interviews together regardless of what they're promoting because it always brings in big numbers. However, this is the first interview they do alone. The fans promptly freak out.

October 28th 2021: Stepping Stones, (Y/n)'s debut album, comes out. She's been writing it on and off since she was thirteen and learned how to play the guitar (courtesy of Ryan), but she really put some effort into it when Taylor took a look at some of her songs and told her they were good.

[Part 2] November 6th 2021: (Y/n) and Ryan Answer the Internet to promote Red Notice and Stepping Stones. It's the first time in ten years that they're put together for an interview and the public can really get a look into their dynamic, even though they talk about each other and their family in other interviews. It was mainly put in as a ploy to draw attention from (Y/n) and Tom's relationship cause the fans were starting to connect Stepping Stones songs to Tom.

[Part 3] February 7th 2022: (Y/n) and Tom go on The Late Late Show with James Corden and play Spill Your Guts or Fill Your Guts to promote the movie To The Edge And Back. They had an official plan to reveal their relationship a few months down the line, this was part one of the lengthy seeding process so they could get the most publicity out of the revelation of their relationship as possible. Obviously, it all went to shit, but it's okay.

[Part 4] February 18th 2022: Tom and (Y/n) do the Boyfriend Tag on (Y/n)'s YouTube channel. It goes wonderfully wrong, bordering on indecent at times. Their PR teams hate them, and they hate that it worked even more cause know they have no reason to stop them other than "because society said so", and since we all know (Y/n) hates society... Let's just say it was a struggle to talk her out of actually making that Only Fans account solely for the purpose of pissing them off.

[Part 5] March 3rd 2022: (Y/n) goes undercover on the internet. The world finds out she has a Tumblr account and freaks. That's also the day she creates a public Tumblr. From there on, she'll send things she finds on her lurker account to her actual account and reblog them on there with actual commentary. It's caused many fan artists to have metaphorical heart attacks. Fanfic writers went through a two-week phase where they didn't dare put anything out, but after she urged them to keep creating content, the number of fics skyrocketed. Many fanfic writers were contacted by publishing houses after (Y/n) sent them a few snippets to showcase how good some could be.

[Part 6] May 17th 2022: (Y/n), Ryan, and Blake do the Who Knows Me Better? tag. It was brought on when Blake realised there were too many people freaking out about (Y/n) and Ryan, and not enough freaking out about (Y/n) and Blake. Therefore, she set out to prove that she was the Superior Parent and obviously succeeded. Ryan pouted for three days after that video, even more so when the picture they posted as punishment became the most liked picture on his Instagram after only a week.

Early July 2022: Tom and (Y/n) decide to move in together.

[Part 7] July 23rd 2022: Tom and (Y/n) go on BuzzFeed to find out who their Heartbeat soulmate is. It's only the second time they star in a movie together, the first time where they're protagonists and each other's love interests. In To The Edge And Back, they played Dove Cameron's love interests but were never involved themselves.

August 21st 2022: Heartbeat premiere. Their first premiere as a couple, having missed To The Edge And Back's premiere due to all the chaos and media scrutiny. They wear matching pirate-themed outfits, and the fans have a collective aneurysm. Many edits are made. Many fics are written. It's a good day for all involved. (Except for the poor PR intern who's trying to wrestle (Y/n)'s Tumblr password out of her cause she keeps reblogging NSFW things and he needs to make it Stop.)

September 28th 2022: Tom and (Y/n) buy their first house. They decide to buy completely new things to fill the house with (in order to start a new and hopefully more organised life, as well as optimising it to deal with (Y/n)'s ADHD). Their first purchase is a big soft rug and a long coffee table to put in (Y/n)'s office because for people with ADHD, working from the floor is the best way to not get distracted.

[Part 8] October 16th 2022: Tom and (Y/n) officially move into their new place, a house in a very private neighbourhood in London, so they could be close to the city for their jobs but still have privacy. Ryan and Blake help them tidy up the place (and build IKEA furniture, or at the very least attempt to). They decide to do a video for (Y/n)'s YouTube channel following a trend their fans have started called Which Reynolds is most likely to...? It's the first time that (Y/n) and Ryan are seen to be so affectionate on camera (see: the massive hug-tackle during the concert tickets question). They decide to be the ones to host Christmas and New Year's.

December 3rd 2022: Tom and (Y/n) adopt Atalanta, a two-year-old Golden Retriever who was left at a shelter in London and no one's wanted to adopt as of yet. No one understood why, since Golden Retrievers are fairly popular breeds and Tala was perfectly healthy. Tom and (Y/n) often joke that it was fate, that Tala was just waiting for them to pick her up and give her the perfect life she deserves.

X December 17th 2022: Tom proposes to (Y/n). He had a whole plan to do it at Christmas surrounded by their family, but she stumbled upon the ring when searching for the Christmas presents he bought for her. She screamed, ran to him, and threw the box into his chest. She made him ask and didn't even wait for him to finish the first word before she agreed and demanded he put the ring on her finger.

December 18th 2022: (Y/n) gets her XVII-XII-MMXXII tattoo

Christmas 2022: First time (Y/n) and Tom host Christmas. Blake and Nikki immediately get to gossiping about their eldest children. Dom and Ryan have a contest to see who can make the kids laugh the hardest, and it has the added purpose of keeping all children or child-brained adults (see: Dom, Ryan, Harry, James, Inez) occupied. Sam immediately commanders the kitchen. It's big, modern, beautiful, any chef's dream. (Y/n) helped where she could, bringing Sam his ingredients, making sure Blake and Nikki's wine glasses were always full, and helping her sisters to the bathroom when necessary. Betty clung to Tom the whole time, to the point where he got put on strict baby duty. He spent the night with her in his lap, feeding her when dinner time came, rocking her to sleep, listening to her incessant babbles of which he only understood about half. It also included a frankly criminal amount of My Little Pony. Somehow, he got hooked on the show as well.

December 27th 2022: TomYn engagement rumours start after Harry posts a picture of the family where a rectangle shape can be seen imprinted onto Tom's pocket. Many people say that's it clearly an engagement ring's box, while others vehemently deny it, showing through the proportions that it's most likely just his phone or wallet. No statements are put out anywhere.

[Part 9] December 28th 2022: (Y/n) goes on GQ and breaks down her tattoos. Her team got it as a last-minute replacement for some magazine interview, which is why she didn't think of waiting until after to get her newest tattoo.

December 31st 2022: Tom and (Y/n) host New Year's for the first time. All the clocks in the house are turned back three hours so the kids can believe they stayed up until midnight when in reality, they went to bed at a decent hour. They take the previous year's ball drop recording and play it as if it's this year's. Blake almost cries from pride at her daughter's genius idea. The Lively-Reynolds-Holland Fam's New Year's Eve 24 Hour contest takes place, and the points are put down to zero. Tom wins, much to everyone's disappointment. After sufficient pouting and a tear or two, he decided to play We Made It by Louis Tomlinson so that (Y/n) would be happy. It's a good night for him ;)

[Part 10] January 19th 2023: (Y/n) takes a lie detector test with Vanity Fair and admits to having lied during but not being caught. The internet goes absolutely bonkers. WHAT IS THE LIE trends for three days on Twitter.

X January 31st 2023: (Y/n) performs three steps to happiness at the Grammys. It's the 13th song on her second album, Serendipity, separated into three parts. The first one is about her and Blake, how they met, the adoption and the hardships that came with it, and Blake's transition from a legal guardian to her mom. The second part is about Ryan and Blake's meeting and the start of their relationship, followed by Ryan and (Y/n)'s meeting and his transition from Blake's boyfriend to her dad. The last part talks about her meeting Tom, the reluctance to let herself be vulnerable and get into a relationship, them moving in together, and how great things are now, including a mention of their engagement.

April 20th 2023: Serendipity, (Y/n)'s second album and the complementary piece to Stepping Stones comes out. The album is filled with love songs and references to Tom and her family.

X July 14th 2023: Tom and (Y/n) get married.

[hp-imagines-07]

Only You

Sirius Black x Fem!Gryffindor!MuggleBorn!Reader

Universe: Harry Potter; The Marauders era

Type: fluffy and ANGST (but with a happy ending, u'll love it, i swear)

Summary: [y/n] and Sirius' relationship is in danger... the request really

Request: YES|no - "Great so the idea I had was a Sirius x reader - regulus threatens the reader and says he will hurt Sirius or whatever if reader doesn’t break up with him . the reader doesn’t tell anyone and don’t listen to begin with then something happens so she feels she has no choice . Sirius is suspicious since lily told him that the reader said he is the one and also the fact she is avoiding everyone . Find out about it when they see regulus threaten reader and then Convinces the reader to get back together. Also the reader is muggle born." @rebsx​ thank you for the perfect request, hope you cry with me at the sad parts

Prompt: xxx

Warnings: cursing probably, heartbreak in slowburn(?) and threats maybe

Song: xxx

Word Count: 5.6K (i can't believe it's this big, i swear it wasn't my intention)

Posted: 28th of September 2020

A/N: i'm sorry that i took so long to write it... but i really hope you like it as much as i loved it (probably my best work until now)

My Others Accounts: @imagines-07 (Principal Account) | @obx-imagines-07 (Outer Banks) | @mcu-imagines-07 (Marvel Comics Universe) | @stit-imagines-07 (Stranger Things & IT) | @cm-imagines-07​ (Criminal Minds)

MY MASTERLIST

"See you after Charms, my love." Sirius says and kisses [y/n]'s forehead, before pecking her lips and walking away to his next class. She just smiles to herself and starts to walk up the stairs to the Fat Lady Portrait, going to spend her free period reading a book or doing nothing alone in the common room.

Having free periods like this are the worse, [y/n] can't even spend time with her boyfriend or any of her friends because she was the lucky one to have a free period on the last class of Wednesday while all of them were on Charms together.

As she was getting to the next staircase, it decided to change with all of the other ones. Her eyes rolled when the entrance of the Gryffindor common room just got more and more distant, and then she saw something weird...

Slytherins. Wait, not just ordinary Slytherins or one of the ones she shares tables at Potions, but Blacks. Regulus was in front of the other ones, walking down the stairs with Narcissa and Bellatrix just behind him. All that [y/n] was wishing was that the stairs they were while staring at her, wasn't going to meet with the one she was at. But luck wasn't by her side.

[y/n]'s hands held her up by holding the handrail at her right when the stairs stopped moving - even after 6 years, she couldn't get used to it - and her eyes founded the three Slytherins at the same staircase as her, going down the stairs with light steps that she wouldn't be able to listen if she wasn't looking at them.

'What in bloody hell would a Slytherin be doing at this part of the castle?'

[y/n] shook her head and all the weird thoughts went directly to the back of her mind, where they should stay and never get out. Her feet started to bring her up the long stairs she still had to walk to get to the common room and even with her huge and heavy bag filled with books of all the classes [y/n] had today, her legs were moving fast. It was probably the need to stay away from a few people that just hated her existence and stay in a safe place, but just maybe...

As they walked straight to each other, [y/n] could feel her heart beating at her throat and ears, chills going up and down her arms and legs, and a weird feeling in the deepest part of her heart. Her gut was screaming to her that something was off and that she should get to the common room as fast as her legs could take her up the almost infinity stair.

And with the fact that the unique people that she could see all around her were the Black cousins, [y/n] knew they were up to something. And just the thought that they were up to something while looking at her, made her hands cold and sweat and her knees feel weak.

As they finally got to each other, Regulus just took his hand out of his pocket and stopped you with a warning hand in front of your chest without even the need to touch you. [y/n]'s face turned towards them and the three of them were already looking at her with their characteristic expressions.

Regulus had one of his eyebrows raised and the corner of his lips that, if you squinted your eyes really hard, you could notice that it was a little upwards in a sly smirk. Narcissa had her serious face, without the slightest of emotion letting through her face, and even her eyes were as deep as the end of a maze can be. And Bellatrix had her wide smile, that could stay in any child's worst nightmares, with her big eyes as wide as her smile was.

"Uhm, hello?" [y/n] said with a delicate voice, just above a whisper, but even this low, she showed confidence. It doesn't matter if the girl was dying on the inside, she would never let anyone - especially them - know that they got under her skin. Never...

"We need to have a little chat with you, sister-in-law." It was Regulus strong and deep voice that cut the insides of her ears in fear with his sarcasm while using the nickname.

"Spill." Sirius' girlfriend said and crossed her arms across her chest, in a position of authority while she pretended to not notice Bellatrix's eyes that went directly to her bobs and the way the girl was shifting on her foot.

"The thing is that it's kinda complicated what I have to say to you. But it is an order from my parents, so I will have to say it in any way..." Regulus started and [y/n]'s left eyebrow raised without her even think about it and her right hand moved to put his hand down. "So, I need you to break up with my big brother."

The words seemed so funny that [y/n] tried she really tried to not laugh at it, but a chuckle got out from the back of her throat as the sentence hit her.

"Excuse you?"

"I am serious. And I didn't want to get in details, but my mother says that you are a terrible influence for Sirius and that you can't date him." Regulus explained to [y/n] but her head just shook in disbelief.

"Look, I'm so sorry to disappoint you. But if you think that I'm going to break up with the boy I love, all of you are dumber than what I thought you were." [y/n] said and started to walk upstairs again, just wanting to go back to her dorm or the common room and read the book Remus gave to her last weekend. "Thank you for your attention, but I won't."

"Ok, do whatever you want to do," Regulus said and his cousins looked at him with surprised faces, probably not expecting the way he accepted [y/n]'s decision. "But I should warn you that, my mother's orders were to do something with Sirius if you just decided to not listen to us. And that's what I will do." Your body froze five steps upwards the one he was in and four from the girls. "So, I am giving you until Friday. You have two days to break his little heart, or we will hurt him physically and we won't hesitate."

[y/n] gulped loudly with the words of the brother of her boyfriend and felt her fingers starting to shake. No, they wouldn't do this to Sirius... His own family? No, they couldn't. Right?

The thing was that she didn't know the answer and was afraid to find out.

-

Friday.

It was finally Friday and [y/n] didn't have the guts to break up with Sirius. She just couldn't.

And since the threaten, she has had a billion eyes to look out for Sirius. Every single second that he was away from her, she was worried sick about him, and all of their friends noticed the way that [y/n] couldn't stay mere seconds without her boyfriend, or she would start to freak out and look for him at every corner of the castle. [y/n] got paranoid when it was still Thursday.

And now, at her last class of Friday, she couldn't bring herself to change her gaze from Sirius to the professor, neither pay attention to the new subject. Lily's eyes were focused on her since the start of class, but [y/n] didn't even notice the redheaded strong gaze on her. And it was worrying Lily.

As the professor dismissed everyone, Lily ran behind [y/n] like a lost puppy, that was already outside the classroom looking around her like a mad man.

"Hi, babes. Can I talk to you?" Lily's voice was the sweetest she had ever heard but [y/n] still jumped scared with the sudden voice.

"Sorry, I can talk right now..." The other girl said and tried to turn around and run - probably to Sirius - but before she could breathe a little bit far from her best friend, Lily held her wrist and didn't say a word while she brought [y/n] to another corridor, an empty and quiet one. "What are you doing, Lily? I said I can't talk right now!" [y/n] hissed at her but Lily just rolled her eyes at the stubborn girl.

"Look, you've been acting weird since your free period on Wednesday, but today you're looking like you're paranoid. What's going on?" Lily asked with an expression of empathy and held both of [y/n]'s hands on hers, softly caressing her best friend's hands with her thumbs. "You can tell me."

[y/n]'s shoulders started to relax under her friend's warm touch, she felt her tense forehead starting to release of this tension and her vision being blurred by tears as she realized what she had gotten into. "I- I..." She didn't know how to tell for Lily about what [y/n] have been feeling lately, it was just too much to take care of alone. And then she let herself open up to her best friend, because if there was anyone that would listen to [y/n], was Lily. "I don't know how to say this, but-" Her weak voice was rudely stopped with a loud noise coming from a corridor close to the one they were on.

'Sirius!'

[y/n] ran away from Lily as fast as her legs could take her tired body from all the sleepless nights since Wednesday and the redheaded one followed just behind her friend with plenty question marks flying around her head.

As they got to the corridor, there were confused, scared and disgusted people with what was happening. [y/n] excused herself and passed through everyone that was on her way to the middle of the circle while people sent her rough looks.

When [y/n]'s eyes met Sirius, she felt the air finally coming back to her lungs, the color of the world coming back to her vision and the control of her moves coming back to her brain, with the view of Sirius completely fine.

"Oh, my Godric Gryffindor. What happened?" Lily's voice beside [y/n] brought her back to reality and she noticed Peter with a broken arm, just at Sirius' left.

"W-We don't know..." Remus said and fell on his knees to help Wormtail to stay up, when he noticed no one was going to help him, he looked around with raised eyebrows. "A little help here?"

James and Sirius didn't wait a second to help their friend in need and in a few seconds all of you were taking Peter to Madam Pomfrey.

[y/n] and Lily were holding Peter's broken arm in the air, so it wouldn't hurt any more with any touch or sudden move, while James carried Peter by his left side, Remus by his right and Sirius was guiding them while holding Peter's waist to make sure he wasn't going to fall.

"Don't worry, Wormtail. You're not going to die." Sirius said joking and just James laughed.

"What? I'm gonna die?"

"Nah, don't worry about it, Pete. It's just a broken arm." James said back but Peter's eyes just got bigger and as he turned his eyes to look at his arm, Remus put one of his hands on his friend's eyes before he could look at his arm in a position that it shouldn't be. Well, if looks could kill, Prongs would be six feet underground just by the glance Moony gave to him. "Sorry..." He whispered back and focused on trying to hold Peter on his feet.

As soon as Madam Pomfrey saw them, she thanked for their help, said that what they did was smart - bringing Peter to her directly and not trying to solve this by themselves - and asked for all of them to wait outside.

"My love," Sirius called [y/n] the same moment the both of them stepped out of the room. "can I talk to you for a second?" He asked and she just nodded as an answer while he held her hand in his and brought her to as far as they friends couldn't hear them. A second before Sirius could open his mouth to say what he wanted, [y/n] jumped on him.

Her arms hugged his neck and her forehead rested on his shoulder, it took a little bit to Sirius understand what was happening but not even a second after, he hugged her back with such as love and caring as she was.

He couldn't actually understand what was happening and even with [y/n/n] loving to hug him at all the times she could, Sirius knew there was something else there. "Hey, what is all this for?" He asked a few seconds later in the embrace and when he felt [y/n] starting to release her tight grip on him because of his question, his arms just held her body closer to his (if that was possible).

"I don't know... I was just worried that you were the hurt one." [y/n]'s voice was just above a whisper and Sirius felt his heart clench with the worry and sadness on her delicate voice.

"Well, I'll just let you worry because it was almost me.." Sirius trailed off and [y/n] felt her whole world stop as she sank the words in. She raised her head to look on Sirius' eyes and hoping to find that little glow from when he was joking or pranking someone. But it wasn't there. "The spell hit Peter because he accidentally stumbled and ended up in front of me..."

Oh, no...

"Sirius... I need to tell you something." That was it, [y/n] was going to tell him how his family was threatening her to break up with him or they would hurt him. This was going to end now. But then she saw him. [y/n] saw Regulus behind a group of people looking at her like he could read her mind - well, maybe he could... He knew she was going to tell Sirius about it. But she couldn't, or they would hurt him. "I-I-I..." She looked back at Sirius' gorgeous face, filled with love and empathy towards her. [y/n] couldn't do it. When her eyes looked at her feet she did it... "Sirius, I-I want to b-break up..."

-

Three days, eight hours, twenty-five minutes and ten seconds.

It's been three days, eight hours, twenty-five minutes and eleven seconds since [y/n] broke up with Sirius.

And they couldn't be worse without each other.

Neither of them left their dorm room for the weekend and if it wasn't for James and Lily, they wouldn't have eaten anything in those two days. Remus was starting to actually worry about Sirius and Marlene was worried like crazy about [y/n]...

But the problem was that, even Sirius was talking to his friends that he didn't know what to do without her, [y/n] wasn't...

She closed the curtains of her bed the second she sat at the bed but even after three days, eight hours, twenty-six minutes and four seconds, she didn't open it. And she wasn't going to until she could keep them closed.

The first night was torture to all of her friends. [y/n] tried, she really tried, but the loud and agonizing sobs were coming out of her in any way... She cried for the whole night all by herself. On the first ten minutes, Lily, Marlene and even Alice were trying to find a spell to open her curtains so they could help her friend and hold her, but nothing seemed to work.

After a while, they all went to their beds and when they thought she was going to stop crying, with a couple of seconds in silence, [y/n] wasn't able to hold it and she started crying harder. Marlene was silently crying on her bed with her face on her pillow, Alice went to her dorm and Lily tried to stay, but she couldn't take it, so she went to James' room. When she got there, Sirius bed was empty and they were all sleeping, Lily felt bad by coming here but as she turned around to walk away, James stopped her.

Anyone had ever seen Lily cry so much because of something...

Marlene was the unique one on the room with [y/n], she even thought of going somewhere else just to not listen to her best friend cry on that way, but she couldn't let her alone there.

[y/n]'s heart was aching like it was never before. Her first heartbreak, when her family forgot her birthday, when Sirius appeared with scars after summer break... Nothing compared to this moment where she had to hold herself while crying because she had a broken heart that would never be fixed again, and it was all her fault.

Well, that's what she was telling herself. Even with [y/n] wanting to stop thinking about anything - because literally had a way to get to Sirius Orion Black -, her brain was repeating like a mantra that it was happening because she wasn't the perfect girl for him.

While Sirius was bad...

Oh, the boy was heartbreak.

But he didn't want to think much about it, because he was still so confused about how everything just seemed to have collapsed after just a blink.

Because it felt like it, a second he was holding her and then he blinked and she broke up with him... All Sirius wanted was to understand what made [y/n] break his heart the way she has done, but he couldn't.

First of all, he could remember pretty well of when he was worried about her breaking up with him last month (when she was just doing a surprise for him) and Lily told him about how [y/n] said once how she knew he was the one. The one she wanted to be engaged with, married, live together, have kids with and have the happily ever after.

Lily also told him how [y/n] loved Sirius more than anything in this entire world and how she would do anything for him... So, it didn't fix it.

And he also thought about everything his brain could possibly think of that could be in any way a reason for her to break up with him and he wasn't understanding why nothing fixed!

Because even when [y/n]'s mouth was telling him she wanted to break up, her eyes couldn't even look inside of his and Sirius was able to read her better than a book. He saw by how her shoulders were down that she was already depressed before finishing her sentence, the way she started hyperventilate that she was trying to not cry in front of him, how her voice was failing on the middle of the words that she was holding down her sobs, the way she was nervously playing with her own fingers, her trembling lower lip, eyes that were screaming how she loved him... Everything was telling him that she didn't want to do it.

So, why did she?

That was the question that was haunting his thoughts since the first second he took to think about what had happened there.

Sirius thought that staying at the Astronomy Tower would help him to think about it, just like it had always helped [y/n] to study, but nothing was helping him...

Then he got frustrated with all of this bullshit. All he had to do was talk to [y/n], right? Then she would explain to him what actually happened and everything would be alright again because they would get back together and be happy just like they were.

And, while Sirius was thinking about what he was going to say to [y/n] so she would explain everything to him, Marlene, Lily and Alice woke up really early and ran to Professor McGonagall's classroom. If there was someone with more experience in heartbreaks than the girls and that would be willing to help [y/n] was Minerva.

It wasn't a lie to anyone that [y/n] was one of her favourite students - but if you ever told this to McGonagall, she would deny - and she would be happy to help.

So, when the girls explained to her why [y/n] wasn't there at class, why she also wasn't on the great hall for meals and how she was trying to stay distant from everyone, Minerva went right away with the girls to their dorm to check up on [y/l/n].

The same second the professor passed through the Fat Lady portrait, all the students at the common room during their free period looked at McGonagall like she was an alien inside of Hogwarts, maybe it was because she was supposed to be teaching Transfiguration to fifth years, but just maybe...

As they got close to the dorm's door, Marlene - that was the last one to leave - noticed that [y/n]'s sobs had finally stopped and all that they could hear were soft sniffles, heavy breathing and her bed creaking as [y/n] moved around to find a comfortable position that she hadn't been on the last days.

When the girls opened the door for Minerva, the first thing she noticed was the spell around the girl's bed so no one would bother her and if it was in another situation, the professor would be proud of her by such a well-done spell.

[y/n] was crying in a typical way without tears. Because there weren't any more tears to fall from her eyes.

"How long has it been?" Minerva asked while looking at the girls beside her that just shrugged her shoulders.

"Three days..." [y/n]'s raspy voice came out as a whisper but was stopped by a quiet sob. "Three days, ten hours, seven minutes and third-six seconds."

All the girls (and the woman) in the room felt their hearts clench with [y/n]'s hurt voice and how she knew exactly the time that had passed since the breakup. McGonagall, with just a shake of her wand and a whisper under her breath, made the spell open [y/n]'s curtains and in just a second they saw [y/n] wearing Sirius' quidditch jersey and her arms tightly holding one of her pillows to her chest as her legs tried to get closer to herself. She looked so vulnerable there, sitting alone at her bed, with swollen and red eyes...

Lily could feel that, if Sirius saw her like this, he would go back in time and make her sit at the right table on Potions Class, so she would never see how he was struggling with the potion, she would never have helped him to do it and they would never fall for each other.

Marlene was the fastest one to jump on [y/n]'s bed and hold her like their both lives depended on it.

Her soft arms wrapped around her best friend's body as [y/n]'s arms begrudgingly let go of her warm pillow, soon wrapping around Marlene's neck and gold blond hair. A single tear feel from [y/n]'s left eye, softly laying on her friend's shoulder.

Lily and Alice followed Marlene just right behind her and the three girls held their friend as close as they could. Minerva couldn't hold back the little smile that appeared on her face while seeing the girls caring so much about each other.

"Miss [y/l/n], I think you should get ready for your next class." McGonagall said softly and all the girls looked at her. [y/n] looked at her favourite professor with a grateful glance, that Minerva answered with a little nod.

The girls helped [y/n/n] get dressed, but even with her friends helping her, the girl just didn't seem to say anything to them about what happened between her and Sirius... But they knew that she was going to share with them every detail of her thoughts as soon as she was ready, and they just couldn't push it, even if they wanted to - which they didn't.

-

Sirius had been looking everywhere for [y/n].

Since he decided what he wanted and needed to say to her, Sirius ran downstairs from the Astronomy Tower and started to look for her at the corridors, classrooms, bathrooms, basically everywhere she could be, he had looked for.

His right hand went through his dark black locks in frustration as he looked around himself to see if he could grab a glimpse of [y/n]'s gorgeous [y/h/c] hair or anything that would make his mind scream to him that she was there and he should talk to her. But not even a red, gold blond or almost-white blond from any of the girls to give him some kind of hope that the love of his life could be any close to him.

All he noticed was a jet black hair, just like his, being followed by two other long dark hair. Regulus, Bellatrix and Narcissa. "What?" Sirius muttered to himself under his breath as he saw three of his family members walking to the staircases that led to the Gryffindor common room but the exact opposite way to the Slytherin one, with narrowed eyes...

Sirius didn't need to read minds to know that something was wrong. Something was telling him that he should go after them, that nothing good could come from it. So he did.

Sirius' black boots were tapping the castle floors through the crowds of students as silently as he could to not be seen by his family relatives as he followed them at the corridors. He was feeling like one of the spies from the muggle movies [y/n] had showed him before while hiding behind people, pillars, trash cans and anything he could use to not be noticed.

And then, the trio suddenly turned on an empty corridor, almost filed with fully darkness and Sirius stopped on the right side of the entrance to the hall. Just as he looked at it, Sirius felt his eyes shine with the beautiful sight that [y/n] was to his eyes. She didn't need much to be stunning...

'Wait...' He's thoughts stopped on the second that the reality fell upon him. 'Why are my brother and cousins talking to my girlfr-, ex-girlfriend, on a empty hall? And why does she look so scared?'

"[y/l/n]..." Regulus said and stopped in front of her, blocking her way and the light vision Sirius had of her.

"Look, I did exactly what asked me to, ok? Just let me be..." She snapped back with a trembling and weak voice that made Sirius want to run and just hold her in his arms again.

"We know and I just came here to say that my mother would be thankful for your help... If you weren't a mudblood, you know." Regulus said and Sirius' forehead frowned with anger and confusion. 'My mother asking [y/n/n] for a favor?'

"I didn't do it because your mother asked me to, I just broke up with Sirius because you were up to hurt him if i didn't do it. So, shut up because I don't need your mother's 'thank you's or anything else that comes from her." [y/n] said while poking Regulus' chest. "You should bother someone else with your puppies."

[y/n] passed through them, hitting her shoulder with Regulus' left one and Sirius felt like there was a light bulb above his head being turned on. It all finally made sense, the way that [y/n] didn't want to break up with him, the way she was worried sick with him the whole week, the way she almost freaked out when she thought that the spell hit Sirius and not Peter... And it was all his family's fault.

Sirius didn't know what to do to fix this hugeous mess that was happening just under his nose, but he knew that he needed to take his family threats and intentions far from him and his love before he went to talk to her.

He silently thanked Godric Gryffindor when [y/n] went to the other side of the corridor and didn't notice him there, eavesdropping on their serious conversation. Sirius would take care of this talk with her later...

Just when Regulus started to walk out of the scary corridor, Sirius stopped in front of his little brother, that nervously gulped loudly with the sight of the last person who should hear about their mother's plan.

"You know I love you, Reg. And I know it's not your fault, but if I ever see you talk to [y/n] again, you'd wished you never listened to mother for once." Sirius said calmly. "And don't forget to tell her that there's no way I'm gonna let this girl go, I love her more than anything in this entire world and any of you will take her away from me."

Sirius turned around and walked away from a scared and disappointed - with himself - Regulus and ran to find the unique girl who could make him do those crazy things and don't regret anything after...

Sirius even felt himself starting to hit a few people while he tried to pass through the slow people walking around but he didn't bring himself to stop and care about them while he had to look for her as fast as he could. His heartbeat was in an almost impossible speed, his hands sweating and lightly trembling with anticipation, his mind running around the whole castle while his body was trying to follow his thoughts... Until he saw her.

His whole world froze and all he could see was [y/n] calmly walking to her next class, just like everyone else around her - who his eyes didn't bother to focus or pay attention to. All Sirius was seeing was [y/n].

And before he could notice his movements or think of what he would do when he got to her, his legs were bringing him the closer he could get to her. And, when he thought that the world wasn't moving already, Sirius felt everything else disappear when [y/n] turned around by his hand touching her shoulder.

[y/n] have never looked more gorgeous to him before...

Even with the sore eyelids, the dark bag under her eyes, her without-life skin, her pale lips, her tired eyes and the frown on her forehead when her eyes captured the sight of him... [y/n] couldn't be anymore gorgeous even if she wanted to.

"Sirius?" Her surprised and confused whisper fell upon dead ears as Sirius grabbed the sides of her face and glued his lips on hers.

They've done it so many times before, but after passing days thinking that they would never do it again, made it as special as the very first time, two years ago, in their fourth year.

[y/n] didn't kissed back in the first seconds, but she didn't pull away neither. [y/n] knew she shouldn't, actually, she couldn't do it, but she just couldn't bring herself to stop it and pull away from Sirius' touch. And in a few seconds, she felt her whole body melt onto the kiss as [y/n] finally kissed him back.

Sirius felt a wave of relief pass through his body as it was a shock while [y/n] felt all her organs burning from inside out. At that moment, neither of them knew how they survived the last three days, fifteen hours, forty-three minutes and six seconds without feeling each other's touch.

Sirius' hands fell from her face to her waist like there was the place they belonged to and [y/n]'s hands ran in the direction of his dark hair, getting lost in there like it was the maze she was used of going every single day.

When [y/n] felt her mind dizzy with one of the best kisses they ever shared, she separated her lips from his, but just enough for them to be felt almost touching, their foreheads touching and their hot breathes mixing.

"Sirius, wh-" [y/n] started, but before she could keep going, Sirius abruptly interrupted her.

"I know the truth." [y/n] could have opened her eyes wide as a fish if they weren't glued closed with tiredness. "And I don't care. They took a lot from me, but they're not taking you, just over my dead body..." Sirius said and took a breath to keep going. "I love you, I want you. I only care about you. I don't care about what they think is right for me, because it's you. Only you, [y/n]."

"I love you too, Siri." That was all that [y/n] could let out with a trembling voice but with the biggest certain that she ever had about anything in this world.

They needed each other and nothing would be on their way to happiness and love.

☀︎︎☀︎︎☀︎︎☀︎︎☀︎︎

+ bonus: (Sirius' letter to his mother)

Dear Mother, hope you and father are going well, even if you don't care about me. I think you heard from someone (probably Reg) that your master plan wasn't so good and it didn't work out... I just wanted to say that I'm sorry if you think I'm ever going to stay away from [y/n]. I love her more than I've ever loved anything in this world and I don't care about her blood status - which just makes me love her more. I think you won't understand me because your marriage wasn't pretty much your choice, but all I'm asking you is to let her alone. Every single choice I've done until now were decided by me, and anyone else should take the consequences for it. If you ever have a problem with me, I don't want you to make Regulus do your dirty little job, I want for you to talk to me. Thank you for reading so far and I won't be coming home anymore, neither receiving any letters from you. So, enjoy this picture of me and my gorgeous girlfriend, being happy on a beautiful sunset, just the two of us. I love her and only her, hope someday you'll understand that she's an amazing woman and deserve all the happiness and love the world can give her. Goodbye, mother... Sincerely, Sirius Orion Black.

☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾

Taglist:

@cheapglitter @weasleysmuch @missmulti @writtenbypics @littlemaladaptivedaydreamer @dralf0yy @buff-bork @rd155 @seppys-return-to-madness @luciferedits @old-soul-young-mind @pxtrickhxckstettxr @sleep-i-ness @marauderswhisperer @liberty01 @gweaslvy @weasleytwins-41 @siriuslysirius07 @turtlepad @ilovewinter101 @monimillion @simonsbluee @smokey102​ @aberette13 @yourbloodyqueen @loverboyreid @eeshea @susceptible-but-siriusexual @weareloserstogether​

[beavtifvl-creatvres]

Safe In Your Arms - Peter Parker

Pairing(s): Peter Parker x fem!anti-villain!reader

Warning(s): Mentions of abuse, angst, fluff

---

"Catch me if you can, Spidey," A playful tone came from behind Peter. Arcane had once again pulled another prank; silly string littered the school's halls. He chuckled, turning around to see her leaned back against a locker. Her eyes glimmered as Peter took a step forward.

"It's not fair for you to know who I am," He took another step forward "when I haven't even heard your name," She smiled, her teeth showing, kicking off the locker with ease.

"Maybe you're not trying hard enough," The words echoed in Peter's head as she spoke, her mouth not moving.

A normal person would have freaked if she were to get into their heads. But Peter wasn't normal. He had grown accustomed to her somewhat distorted voice in his head, only have heard it thrice in real life.

Arcane smirked as she heard footsteps from around the corner. She walked away, but not before leaving Peter red with a kiss on his cheek.

The boy was barely able to slip into a broom closet before he heard the sound of his teachers approaching.

The next time they saw each other was on December 28th, Peter's birthday. Peter's heart stopped as his ears picked up a knock on his window, cautiously turning to see Arcane with a gentle smirk on her face.

"Brought something for the birthday boy," His eyes widened as she spoke.

She sat on the fire escape, Peter joining her and promptly being handed a red gift bag. His eyes scanned over the bag, noting the spiders drawn on and the heart next to his name on the top corner; Happy Birthday Petey ♡

"I swear it's not a bomb," She smiled. "if it makes you feel any better." He chuckled, gently opening the gift, scared he might rip it.

His hands landed on a cool, round object. As he pulled it out his eyes widened in awe, gliding over the intricately made solar system set in glass. He looked to the girl who was simply gleaming, she took the sphere from him as he went to open the other gift. Peter's fingers closed around a small box. Pulling it out, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Inside, he found a small silver ring. The outside had engravings of the phases of the moon while the inner side was engraved with For Peter - To the moon and back xx.

He turned to look at the girl who was nowhere to be seen. She had slipped away leaving the gift and a small note in her wake.

Thank you for keeping me safe

-A

Peter's mind raced. "Safe? What?"

Peter didn't hear of or from the masked girl for almost 5 months before he spotted a note sitting on his desk after he came home from patrolling.

"Hey Petey,

Miss me? I miss pulling my little tricks and you showing up.

The flowers are beginning to bloom.

Love,

Arcane"

The boy read and reread the note, pulling out the letters H e l p every time. His mind raced the next day, confusion filling his every thought. Well, until Ned spoke up.

"What did you say?" The two boys stopped in their tracks as Peter spoke up.

"The flowers are blooming? At the garden?" Ned looked to his best friend, eyebrows furrowed. Peter dug through his pockets, wrapping his fingers around the note before pulling it out and showing his friend. His mind was clouded with a far-off memory.

Peter had been patrolling when Ned alerted him about turmoil at the botanical gardens. Let's just say he didn't find what he was expecting that night.

"So it's true," A voice echoed through the garden. "Queens' got a superhero protecting her," As Peter looked around, his eyes landed on a figure standing in the shadows. As it stepped forward, the moonlit up the girl's masked face. A playful smirk, e/c eyes, and h/c hair were all he could make out.

"Who are you?" Peter's eyes narrowed as the girl stepped forward.

"Arcane," She smiled, a mischievous glimmer in her eye. "but trouble works too" She winks, taking a step back as glitter falls covering him in the sparkly pink substance.

Peter's wide eyes meet hers one last time before she blows him a kiss and walks away.

"I'll see you around, Spidey"

"That's it! The gardens!" Ned looked at Peter confused, silently questioning what was going on. "I got to go, hero time, go!" Ned hesitated before opening Peter's bedroom door, walking in, and setting up his computer to monitor the boy.

"You came," Peter immediately recognized the voice, though it was more hoarse and he couldn't hear even the slightest bit of perkiness like usual. "Didn't think you would, to be honest, Pete"

"What are you talking about? Where are you?" His heart started racing, eyes flitting around the room to find the girl he had grown used to.

A cough came from behind him. He turned to see her and his eyes widened. She was herself, no mask, no suit. Just a battered-up band tee and jeans. But before he could finally look at her, his eyes landed on the bruises and cuts on her face. "Y/n? What the hell? What...what happened to you?"

"Hey, Parker," She smiled, lightly wincing.

"No, don't fucking do this, Y/n." He walked towards the girl, taking off his own mask and dropping it to the ground once reaching her. His hands lightly cupped her cheeks, grazing over the marks on her face as his eyes assess the damage. "What happened?"

"Might wanna sit down for this," She smiled, tried to get rid of the rising tension in the room. She takes in a breath as Peter sits beside her, eyes gliding over the colorful flowers. "My stepdad's the reason we moved here, he um...he's- not the nicest, I suppose. After my mom died, he started hitting me, my dad tried to get custody over me but my stepdad somehow proved that he was an alcoholic and I wouldn't be safe with him." As Y/n spoke, Peter listened intently, holding onto every word she said. "He found out that I was- Uhm...I talking to you, I guess, and he got a little more violent that night, I don't really remember what happened but I woke up in the hospital a month later. My brother found me in my room the next morning." She didn't know, but tears were slowly picking up the pace as they rolled down her face. Peter took her into his arms, holding her tight as he whispered sweet nothings into her ear.

As she stopped crying, the cries turning to little whimpers and hiccups, Peter slightly pulled away to look at her. He always noticed the girl in class and the way she zoned out as Ms. Evans spoke, or the way her eyes lit up when the teacher brought up a certain topic, but now as he realized that she was the one he had fallen for, a small smile lit up his face.

"I'm right here, I'm not gonna let him hurt you," He whispered, resting his forehead to hers. A gentle smile slipped onto her face as he wiped away her remaining tears. "I'm not letting go,"

Navigation

[stray-kids-react]

Polaroid

Han x Fem. Reader Soulmate au

Warnings - Swearing, mentions of sex, and Fluff that'll make you cry.

Masterlist

...

Y/n's pov, November 27 2020

My mother once told me that I will know when I'm in love, she never specified what hints will cross my path... She just said I'll know.

As a young adult now, sharing an apartment with my close friend Yeji. I'm starting to become impatient with this whole game of love, why can't I just get told who is my perfect match. I'm so tired of having my hopes risen up and then crashed down onto my heart... Breaking it each time.

"Any plans today?" Yeji asked from the kitchen, making me cringe at the word plans.

I just was still recovering from a terrible break up, where I caught the supposedly love of my life slurping the life out of his assistants pussy. I won't forget the feeling of my heart completely stopping for a few seconds, as my mind told me to run and not look back.

"Yes actually, I have a date with Netflix and the leftovers in the fridge." I replied, slyly smirking as she stared at me like a worried mother.

"Well Netflix isn't going to have to wait for his turn. Because I have this guy who is really interested you and is a total sweetheart." She sighed, showing me a photo of the guy she was trying to set me up with.

"Yeah... No." I replied, beginning to retreat back to my room.

"Y/n! JISUNG TOLD ME!" Yeji announced, catching my attention from the front of my bedroom door.

"I-it's still a no Yeji." I whimpered, shutting the door harshly behind me as she sighed in defeat.

Yeji's pov

She needs to get out of this place, it's been two weeks now. All over a guy she barely even knew, I know the true reason she is hiding and she will never admit it.

Y/n is scared to see his face again, our best friend Han Jisung. The best friend that she happened to fall in love with, and moved away from after she got accepted into the university of her dreams.

They were never just best friends in anyone's eyes, not even there own. Yet they both tried to fill in the whole in their heart with other people, never realizing that all they had to do was just say three difficult words.

Y/n was in a hurry to find her perfect partner after I found mine, the man next door with the matching tattoo on his wrist. Your tattoo shows up when you are over the age of 19 and are near your soulmate, it shows up on your wrist, neck, or shoulder blade.

She didn't want to see Jisung in case that tattoo never came, they both wouldn't be able to handle the realization. But it is a part of life, and I'm not going to let my best friends live alone when they could have a chance to be in love and happy.

Han wanted to see us both while he was visiting the city, even though he knew the risk of utter devastation. That fake profile was just a set up so that she would finally meet up with Han, and she probably already knew about my plans.

I walked up to her door cautiously, gently brushing my knuckles against her door.

"Y/n... I know why you are actually upset."

Y/n pov

"Because of Han Jisung." I answered, brushing past the old childhood photos saved on my phone.

"I know that's what you were going to say Yeji, and you're right. I know I won't be able to take it if the guy I love isn't the one for me, and that all of those nights alone with him that are coded into my brain are worthless. I'm scared Yeji, I'm scared that I won't be able to think of most of my life without tearing up." I explained, as she plopped down on my bed next to me.

"You're fear will just get worse until you find out, you'll never know the result until you actually try." She replied, placing my head on her shoulder for comfort.

I let out a shaky breath as a couple tears streamed down my cheeks, she was right as usual. But I still needed at least one day to prepare myself.

"Fine, but let me rest today. I'm not going to fancy restraint with puffy eyes and bed head." I remarked, watching as a sly smile spread across her lips.

She slowly began to exit my bedroom, delighted that she finally got her way with me. Not even explaining who that fake date even was, probably just a random guy from Google. It was 11:30 at night, and all of my crying really wore the energy out of my body and mind.

So eventually sleep crossed paths with my mind and hooked up, completely losing consciousness as my memories flashed like a polaroid camera.

December 15th 2018

"I can't believe we're graduating this year, seems like we only started high school yesterday." Jisung sighed, carrying both of our bags while walking home together.

"Don't worry quokka, you'll still carry my bags for me even after high school." I teased, pinching the reddened skin of his cheeks.

"Oh very funny, and you'll still put crackers in your mouth and pretend to be a walrus." He remarked dodging the snowball that came his way.

He set my bags down on my front yard as he gathered his own army of cold fluff balls. I tackled him to the ground as we both drowned the silence in laughter, I traced my frosted mittens across his face. Gently crossing his lips as he brushed the snow chunks from my hair.

The close warmth of his breath against my face sent my heart into a frenzy, I secretly craved the closeness of him... But I never wanted to admit it in case I'd lose him.

His now glossed lips looked so kiss able, the way they pouted as he focused on my hair. And how they stretched into a warm smile that left a fuzzy feeling in my heart for years, made it only harder to stop myself from interlocking them with mine.

"I better get going bun bun. I'll see you tomorrow at school though." Jisung reassured, lightly booping my nose as he left his trail from my snowy front yard. Waving one last time to catch my attention as I was at the front door.

"Farewell loser!" He shouted, showing off that bright smile of his.

"Farewell to you as well, asshole!" I retorted, giggling as I walked into my empty house all alone.

November 28th 2020

Y/n pov

"Wake up! Time for bubble tea!" Yeji screamed, jumping on top of me as she consistently hit me with my own pillows.

"I thought we were meeting Jisung later." I sighed, looking at the red numbers of my alarm clock reading 7:30am.

"Yes we are, but I want bubble tea and to talk with you about some stuff I found out." Yeji replied, pulling me out of bed to soon push me into the washroom.

I complied to her excited energy, understanding it is pretty exciting for her.

The steaming water swallowed every inch of my skin, blocking out all of the noises outside. Only leaving me and the blank wall to stare at, droplets of water racing against each other. A flash of the mirror and sunlight clashing, sending the flash of a polaroid to my memories.

August 16th 2018

Yeji squealed as her boyfriend threw her into the pool, soon joining her in a large cannonball jump. All of his friends danced around with liquor drenching their breath, as their bodies clashed together in ways they didn't fully understand.

It wasn't my style of fun, it instead gave me a wave of fear and stress. Not recognizing any of these people, while they danced around half naked. Yeji's boyfriend decided that she had enough fun for one night, and took her home to rest.

I hurriedly gathered my belongings and rushed out the door, just as excited and horny shouts came from the pool. I was okay to walk home alone, it felt nice to be surrounded my silence for once. Even if my conscious tortured me about every bad possibility.

"Need a drive home party animal?" a familiar voice called from across the road, that voice of the man who has always had my back.

"I'd actually really like that." I replied, feeling a wave of comfort when I entered the car.

"I can tell your a bit freaked out." He sighed, throwing his bad into the backseat.

"That party was just... A lot. A lot more than I expected." I whimpered, still a bit overwhelmed from the experience.

"How about you stay at my place for the night. We'll even watch some American horror story..." Jisung suggested, even though he was shit terrified of anything remotely scary.

"I'm holding you to it quokka." I giggled, slapping his thigh teasingly.

We drove to his home as the car filled with a random playlist of songs, one landing on my favorite 'Turning Page'.

"I didn't know you liked this song." I commented, blushing softly at the tone of the song.

"I want this to be the song that represents me and my soulmate. It sounds cheesy, but it's true." He revealed, glancing my way as the car stopped in the from of his home.

The whole topic of soulmates use to be humorous to me, remembering when me and Han drew matching docks on our palms as 'our' symbol. Even taking a polaroid photo of the amazing art we drew, I still have it in my phone case.

Then it hit me, how much it would hurt to see him destined with someone other then me. That moment when he glanced back into my eyes with a shy smile, is when I admitted to myself for falling madly in love with my best friend.

November 28th 2020

I walked along the streets of our home town, hanging my mask off my chin when sipping my bubble tea.

"You know what's crazy." Yeji started, catching my focus immediately.

"I remember the moment you started crushing on Jisung. You didn't even have to tell me, I already knew." She admitted, gazing at me with only a soft warmth in her eyes.

"It was obvious by how many photos you had of him and you on your wall, and the way you looked at him as if he were your dream person." She continued, texting something on her phone that I couldn't quite see.

"Or how when he caught you staring he'd reply with 'take a picture it'll last longer'... And you always did to get revenge. I will never forget the day I saw you two as more then best friends, that was the same day when I bought you that polaroid camera for Christmas. " She replied, taking a short break as her hands nervously fidgeted with her skirt.

"That's why I want a 'thank you' later on." She mumbled, before running off and leaving me completely stunned on the bench.

"Y/n..."

September 14th 2018

"It's crazy that this is your last day here." I sighed, trying my best not to cry.

He nodded trying to smile the pain away like me, but soon caving in once his arms met my body. I nuzzled into the crook of his neck, hoping I could capture his scent one last time.

"I'll still visit. I can't cope without seeing your face, asshole." He chuckled lightly, sniffling quietly when he retracted his arms away.

He stared at my features for a few long seconds, as if he was contemplating on doing something. Jisung shook his head, smiling brightly once more as he pulled me into one last hug.

As he put his palm on the door knob, I shouted his name one last time. Running across the room towards him, he turned around immediately dropping his bangs on the ground.

He instantly knew what I was going to do, since his lips molded with mine without one ounce of hesitation. His hands lost in my hair, pulling me closer and closer until there was no space between us. Jisung's lips were so much sweeter and softer then any other kiss I've had.

The sweetness was sprinkled with the salty taste of our mixed tears. Only creating more as the kiss began to end, both of us realizing we should've told each other so much sooner.

"I love you." We both sighed at the same time, smiling sadly at the bittersweet sting in our hearts.

November 28th 2020

"Jisung..." I gasped, turning around quickly to make sure I wasn't hallucinating.

"W-wow... You've really. Wow." He stuttered, cautiously inching closer towards me.

"You too." I chuckled airily, swallowing back my tears. I missed him so much, but it hurt too much to see him at the same time.

"Y/n... I know it's been a while. But I honestly came here because I needed to see you. I still love you, and I don't care if we're soul mates or not. I'll sharpie our own symbol on us everyday if I have to." He revealed, grasping my hands between his own.

"I'm sorry that I was being so selfish." I sighed, caving into my own tears. Regretting my fears of seeing him again, feeling terrible for torturing him just as much as I tortured myself.

"We are both scared. It's not our fault, but I just want us to accept that things may not go our way. But that won't stop us from being together." He reassured, lightly brushing frosted his mitten across my features. Glossing over my lips gently, his eyes warm and gentle as they fluttered shut.

I molded into his kiss immediately, lacing my fingers through his silky hair. Soon pulling him closer to my so there was no space between us, making sure no one could try and ruin this moment for us.

His lips still were as sweet as the first time they molded into mine, and his fingertips could still make my legs give out by how gentle they were against my skin. Every emotion flashed through my mind, all my regrets, confidence, love, lust... It all flashed just like a...

"Polaroid." He gasped, tugging my palm next to his as the ink slowly traced the same picture into my palm. The picture of the camera that captured all the moments I treasured with my soulmate, the soulmate that was everything I could've asked for.

[bisexualbuck]

My 911 Fic Writing Masterlist

(Last edited May 28th 2021)

I’ve finally decided to do a masterpost of all my writing for the show 911 which is the fandom I’ve written the most for. There are 33 fics in this post, holy crap.

(If anyone is interested, I’ve also written for Star Trek AOS, Leverage, the MCU, among many other fandoms.)

As a general note, I’ll say most of my fics have Buddie elements and I also try to have at least one Firefam moment. Also, please check each fic’s warnings.

This is going to be long so most of it will be under a read more.

Last thing, please! If you like any of these stories, please consider leaving a comment and reblogging this post.

Multi Chapter

Reaching In The Dark | 38.7k

It all started innocent enough but Buck can no longer deny it.

He has a stalker.

Someone so obsessed with him that they would spend hours and hours following him, unnoticed, taking pictures of him, taking notes of his habits.

But life has been so good lately, and Buck doesn’t want to worry anyone. So he tells no one about it, he can deal with it on his own.

Leave My Body | 23k

"Do you want to see how it could have been? You are so sure you've been a burden on everyone you've ever met, but I can show you the truth."

.

Buck dies but it's not the end.

(Inspired by the movie It's a Wonderful Life)

Encore | 20.1k

“I’m going insane.”

“Did something happen?”

A dark, bitter laugh bubbles out of Buck – a mockery of joy.

“Everything keeps happening, and it’s still the same fucking day. It’s always the same and every time it’s different and I can’t do anything.”

.

Or

Buck keeps reliving the same day, over and over again.

Hurt/Comfort

Death, Be Not Proud | 10.1k

There are moments barge loudly into your life and, even as you’re going through them, you know they will change everything.

There are other moments that happen quietly, unnoticed, and it’s only afterwards that you know, looking back, that they have changed your life.

When the 118 is called to a decrepit house, they don’t think much of it.

Yet this will change their lives forever.

Silent Storm | 4.4k

Buck wakes up in the hospital.

Except he can't move. He can't speak.

But he can hear everything.

Dying Of The Light | 4.1k

If Purgatory was a place on Earth, it would be a hospital waiting room.

Or

Buck is in a coma, brain-dead - or so that's what the doctors say anyway.

(Silent Storm told from the Firefam's POV)

No Kingdom To Come | 8k

Days pass, then weeks that soon turn into months. Buck doesn’t call, he doesn’t text.

They don’t even know if he is still alive.

Maddie files a missing person’s report. Athena checks for any mention of his name anywhere in the country.

Nothing pops up, no one calls.

Buck is gone.

The Courage To Heal | 1.4k

He remembers her perfume. Thick, flowery – it makes him retch.

Why does he remember her perfume? Every time he smells anything like it, he wants to throw up, he wants to rush in the shower and try to wash away the stink of it.

Why can’t he move on?

He’s had sex with countless people over the years, especially back in his Buck 1.0 days, so why does that encounter remain? Why does it make him sick?

Why does he feel so ashamed?

.

Buck opens up about Dr Wells, the therapist from season 1.

The Loneliness Never Left Me | 2k

“Buck is afraid he is gonna end up like Red, without friends, without family. He thinks the job is the only thing he’ll ever have and that he’ll always be alone.”

Silence falls around them, heavy and suffocating.

“We need to show him that he’s got us."

“Not show him,” Chim says. “Tell him.”

Forever Day | 2k

The man pulls a gun out.

He aims it at Buck’s head.

“If you take another step I will blast your brains on the ground."

Hollow | ~300

Bobby on the day of his late wife and kids’ deaths, with Athena by his side.

Those Days | ~600

A look into Eddie and Christopher having a bad day made better by having each other.

Little Hope | ~500

A moment of support between two friends, Karen and Eddie, as Hen lays unconscious in a hospital bed.

Firefam Feels

Alone Again | 1.2k

Post S04E04

After standing up for himself to his parents, Buck feels hollow.

He isn't sure how he finds himself at Athena and Bobby's home, but maybe that's exactly where he needs to be.

Make It Three | 3.2k

It takes him twenty full minutes to realize what he has said, and then it hits him like a goddamn freight train.

Oh no. Oh no.

Buck just hung up on the phone on Athena Grant telling her that he loved her like he’s been doing it every day of his life.

Oh no.

.

Or

Buck slips up and tells Athena he loves her. He has a bit of a freak out.

Words Unsaid | 2.2k

“What’s going on?” Bobby and Buck say in unison.

“You two,” Athena announces, “are going to talk things out.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Buck says, like a liar. “Everything is fine.”

.

Buck overhears Bobby say that he's not his kid. He doesn't take it very well.

Lay You Down | 2k

Buck is sick and can't be left alone in his feverish state, but everyone is working.

Everyone but Athena.

That Which We Carry | 2.1k

Bobby stops in his tracks.

Buck is sitting on the ground, next to his own car, his keys and phone forgotten next to him. His breathing is loud and short and he has his head in his hands so that his face is hidden.

He’s having a panic attack.

To Be Loved, To Belong | 3.1k

5 times Buck almost tells his family what they mean to him.

+1 time he does.

Buried | 2.3k

It’s supposed to be a simple call.

Of course, everything goes wrong.

Just As It Was | 2.3k

After the lawsuit, Buck overworks himself trying to prove his worth to the team.

One day, he pushes too far.

Sunlight | ~500

The Buckley siblings have a bet about what Maddie and Chim’s kid’s first word will be.

Family Matters | ~500

A look into the future at Bobby’s retirement party.

Humor & Fluff

Freedom In Love | 1.1k

“You can’t keep ignoring this,” Maddie says – again.

She says it a lot. His answer is pretty much always the same.

“Actually, I can. And I think I will. This is working great for me so far. It’s like Schrödinger’s confession, if I don’t say anything, Eddie can’t reject me.”

Green Heart | 3k

Buck starts seeing a man.

Eddie worries he is being a bigot, because the idea of Buck kissing another man makes him want to punch someone.

What else could it be?

The Most Perfect Moment | 1.7k

After Shannon, Eddie never thought that he would ever want to get married again.

Yet, a little red box lays in his pocket until the perfect moment to propose comes around.He has been carrying it for weeks now, waiting.

He wants his proposal to be perfect because he knows that this is the last time he will ever be asking this question. Buck is it for him. There will never be anyone else.

Blame It On Chimney | 1k

“So anyway, that’s how Chimney saw me full-on naked.”

Eddie chokes on his beer.

How It Looks | ~400

Someone is back to haunt Chim. Well, not exactly someone. Hen is tired.

The Rest Of Our Lives | ~500

One night, one conversation that changes everything between Buck and Eddie.

Tumblr Prompts

lover, be good to me | 7.1k

This is a collection of unrelated prompts first posted on my tumblr.

(Summary of each story in the first chapter's notes)

Eddie touching Buck’s birthmark | ~300

Eddie in a relationship is a clingy Eddie | ~200

Halloween at the station | ~500

Buck & Maddie being their cute selves |  ~400

Misc.

from the bottom i come running | 3.7k

Co-written with the endlessly talented ksmalltalk / @letitialewiss​

Crossover with Lone Star.

Just a soccer match for charity and two men cheering on their boyfriends.

Wait, no. Eddie and Buck are not dating, no matter what Chim and Hen can say.

Or

In the stands, Eddie befriends TK whose boyfriend is playing alongside Buck. Out on the pitch, Buck and Carlos are a force to be reckoned with.

Oh, and someone gets hurt.

safe inside | 5.6k

Co-written with the biggest-brained and most talented chasingobligion / @starlightbuck​

World-famous actor TK Strand and his bodyguard Carlos find themselves seeking shelter from fans and paparazzi in a bakery Carlos knows very well.

Or

Baking leads to a few life changes.

Breathe You In | 2k

Eddie can’t stop staring.

This selfie is going to be the death of him.Buck is shirtless, and giving the camera an intense look that leaves Eddie panting.

Or

Buck sends a picture that tips their relationship into something new.

[transientwordsmith]

Macbeth-Theatre Kid AU

This is my Macbeth fanfic. It is an American High School Theatrea Kid AU. Characters: Macbeth, Lady Macbeth, Banquo, Malcolm, Macduff, Lady Macduff, Siward, Seyton. Word Count: ~4500

Macbeth walked into the first day of school with a sense of pride. His junior year. Almost the oldest in the school. His last year he didn’t have to worry about college. He was going to have such a good time this year.

But of course not without his best friend Banquo. Macbeth spotted him next to a vending machine.

“Banquo!” Macbeth called. “Banquo! Over here!” Macbeth ran over and clapped Banquo on the shoulder. “Good to see you,” he said.

“Macbeth it’s only been two weeks since I last saw you,” Banquo said.

“I know, but I miss you.” Macbeth hugged Banquo. Banquo chuckled.

“Always so dramatic…” he mused. Macbeth let go of Banquo.

“How else would I get the lead in the school play?” he asked. Banquo gave him a knowing smile and the two of them started inside.

The duo walked down the hall asking about the other’s summer, even though they knew full well that they had spent the better part of it together. Suddenly, a door to Macbeth’s right opened and a pretty blonde girl exited the room.

“Lady!” He greeted the girl. “Walk with us.”

And she did. Lady was Macbeth’s sister. She was somehow always surprised when he acted like they hadn’t seen each other in a million years, even if they had only seen each other last a few hours ago.

“Hello, you two,” Lady greeted Banquo and Macbeth rather impatiently. “Where are you going?”

“To see what show we’re putting on, duh!” Macbeth exclaimed as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Banquo rolled his eyes.

“You know auditions aren’t even until the end of September…” he said.

There was a large bulletin board at the end of the hall. It was covered in posters, both new and old. The actual cork had so many holes one might mistake it for a sponge. But lo and behold, right in front was a rather large poster for the show “Guys and Dolls”. The poster read:

Guys and Dolls Auditions

September 28, 29, and 30

Make an appointment today!

sweird@dunsinane.edu

“Oh my god!” Macbeth yelled. “I love ‘Guys and Dolls’!”

“I know, me too,” Banquo said, not matching Macbeth’s enthusiasm. Lady side-eyed them both.

“If you like it so much, audition,” she said. Macbeth wouldn’t stop staring at the poster.

“I know I’m going to get Nathan Detroit! I just know it,” he said with confidence. Banquo nodded with a smile.

“Ms. Weird practically told you that you were going to get the part last June,” Banquo remembered. The three of them stared at the poster for just a bit longer before remembering that they had other classes, too.

…

The first day of school. As a junior, no less. Macduff had to admit, he was a bit excited. For school in general, but also for the school play. Last June, Ms. Weird, his best friend and stage manager, Malcolm and he had picked “Guys and Dolls” to perform this year.

What he wasn’t so excited about, however, was Macbeth. Macbeth was one of the most arrogant people Macduff had ever met. Macbeth thought the whole world should revolve around him and that everything should tailor to him. Sorry, kiddo, but the world just doesn’t work that way, Macduff thought.

Macduff walked into the Dunsinane Academy courtyard and caught Malcolm’s eye. Malcolm walked over to him.

“How was your summer?” Malcolm asked.

“Great, and yours?” Macduff deflected. His summer was horribly boring, to say the least.

“Oh, it was amazing. I went to this sleepaway camp that was a lot of fun. They have a Christmas program too for families. I think I’ll go.” Malcolm said.

“Don’t go for too long,” Macduff warned. “I don’t want to be alone with Macbeth while you’re gone.”

Malcolm’s happy demeanor quickly changed after Macbeth was brought up.

“Oh, right. I forgot how much you don’t like him,” he said.

It was truly a wonder how Malcolm could forget after Macduff had nearly been suspended last year for getting in a fistfight with Macbeth.

“It’s alright,” Macduff said. “I’ll be okay. Let’s get to class before we’re late.”

…

Late August turned into Early September turned into almost October. Leaves were falling off trees and some ambitious people began putting out Halloween decorations. Macbeth’s family was one of those families. They had lots of big, gaudy decorations. But there was something more important than the rapid arrival of Halloween: auditions.

Macbeth wanted to get his audition over with quickly so he could be cast, so he made his appointment for the 28th of September. Banquo’s wasn’t until the 29th.

He had prepared “Wait for it” from Hamilton as his audition piece. Ms. Weird had thrown a fit last time someone tried to audition with a pop song.

At Dunsinane, they were lucky enough to have a small black box theatre in which rehearsals and auditions could be held. Macbeth opened the door at exactly 3:24.

“Macbeth? Is that you?” Ms. Weird called from out of sight.

“‘Tis I!” Macbeth said in a loud voice. “The great Macbeth!” He ventured farther into the room and found Ms. Weird sitting behind a desk with her back to the door.

“Are you ready to begin?” She asked. “You have your song and scenes?”

Macbeth nodded. The audition commenced.

“So? How’d it go?” came Banquo’s voice over the phone.

“I think it went very well,” Macbeth said. “Ms. Weird practically told me I’d get the lead.”

“What did she say?”

“She said ‘Very well done, Macbeth. I should think that you will get a sizable role this year!’”

“That’s great!”

“I know!”

…

Macduff walked into Ms. Weird’s black box theatre. It was arguably one of his favorite rooms in the whole school.

“Hey, Ms. Weird,” Macduff greeted.

“Macduff! Wonderful timing. Malcolm and I were just going to get started on casting.” Ms. Weird indicated to her left, where Malcolm was sitting with a computer in his lap.

“Hold on, hold on,” Malcolm requested. “A few more minutes, please. I am no tech genius over here.”

“They’ve been recorded? I’ve always wanted permanent documentation of complete showoffs!” Macduff said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Once Malcolm had finally figured out how to work the video program, the three of them huddled around the laptop to watch the videos.

There was one that stood out to Macduff: A senior called Duncan Inverness. Macduff told Malcolm so, and Malcolm agreed.

“Ms. Weird? What do you think about Duncan?” Malcolm asked. Ms. Weird took a moment to consider him before giving her answer.

“He seems great! He’s a senior, right?” she asked. Macduff and Malcolm nodded in agreement. “Good. We can cast him as Nathan Detroit.”

…

The cast list went up on the morning of October 2nd. And that was the day Macbeth’s life was ruined.

GUYS AND DOLLS CAST LIST:

Nathan Detroit - Duncan Inverness

Miss Adelaide - Seyton

Sarah Brown - Lucy Duff

Sky Masterson - Donalbain Inverness

Nicely-Nicely Johnson - Macbeth

Macbeth didn’t read any further than that. He was utterly devastated. He wanted to scream and shout and break some things. How is this possible? Macbeth wondered. Ms. Weird practically told me I was going to get a lead! Nicely-Nicely Johnson? What kind of a role is that?

“Hey! I got Harry the Horse!” Banquo’s voice ripped Macbeth out of his thoughts. “And you got Nicely-Nicely Johnson! Awesome! I love his part in “Sit Down, You’re Rocking the Boat.” Macbeth stumbled past him, down the hall.

“I need to find Lady,” he mumbled, dazed.

Lady was outside, under a tree, completely oblivious to Macbeth’s devastation.

“Lady!” Macbeth called. “Lady!”

“What do you want,” Lady said, exasperated. She marked her book with her thumb and looked up and him expectantly.

“Lady, I got Nicely-Nicely Johnson,” Macbeth explained. Lady did not see what was wrong.

“That’s great!” She said. “Doesn’t he have a solo song?”

“That’s not the point!” Macbeth lamented. He collapsed on the ground next to Lady and buried his face in his hands.

“Dear God,” Lady swore. “If you want that lead, why don’t you do something about it. I mean, you said you’d do anything just last night, didn’t you?”

Macbeth looked up at her.

“I did say that, yes,” Macbeth agreed. Lady looked at him with a sly look. Macbeth returned it with a blank one. It was a few moments before he realized what she was implying. Then a crafty smile took over his features.

That night Macbeth sped through his homework even faster than usual. Then, he opened his computer and began to type furiously. Google, Facebook, Dunsinane Academy website, the city newspaper, anywhere Macbeth thought he could find dirt on Duncan. He was going to get that role no matter what it took.

…

Macduff saw Duncan walking in the opposite direction from him. He seemed to be going somewhere in a hurry.

“Hi, Duncan,” Macduff greeted. Duncan threw him a dirty look and sped past him. Macduff was confused--he got the lead part! What did he have to be upset at him about?

Macduff opened the door and stepped inside. There he saw Macbeth, with a smug look on his face. His friend Banquo stood next to him with a pained smile on his face.

“I’m so happy for you,” Banquo said, sounding insincere.

Macduff turned to see what the two boys were looking at. There he saw Ms. Weird erasing Duncan’s name on the whiteboard as Nathan Detroit, and rewriting Macbeth’s name.

No.

No.

No.

This cannot be happening.

Macduff tried to play it cool, and not freak out. He wanted to keep his position as set designer, after all.

“What’s going on?” he asked, even though he knew full well what was going on.

“Macbeth found some rather...unsavory information regarding Duncan,” Ms. Weird explained. “As a reward, I agreed to recast him. He was going to be our second choice, after all.”

Macduff had forgotten about that. He had only agreed to let Macbeth be the secret understudy because they had no one else who had enough talent to do it. Something felt wrong about this though…

“What did Duncan do that we had to cut him?” Macduff asked.

Macbeth looked even smugger than before (if that was even possible).

“I heard that he cheated on his Physics final last year. And, I figured that Ms. Weird would want to know,” he said. He pointed to a handwritten sign on the door that read “We support academic integrity in this classroom”. 

Macduff recalled when this sign was put up. It had been because a few actors had been cheating on their tests. The administration had asked Ms. Weird to cut them from the show. It hadn’t hurt the production much since those actors were in the ensemble, but since then academic integrity had been a very serious topic in Ms. Weird’s classroom.

“Duncan’s not the type…” Macduff mused.

“No, but he did,” Ms. Weird said seriously.

Macduff shook his head and sighed. He was sorry to see Duncan go. He looked up at Macbeth, to see if he showed any sign of remorse at all, but he was still smiling brightly, oblivious to the fact that he probably cost Duncan his theatrical future.

…

Despite his smug demeanor, Macbeth was terrified. Duncan had not actually cheated on his physics final last year. What really happened was that he took a practice test with notes. The test was not meant to be open book, so his teacher let it slide with a few docked points. All Macbeth had to do was fudge a few details and bing bang boom, Duncan was cut and Macbeth was now the lead.

Macduff seemed less than thrilled about this, but Macbeth wasn’t miffed. He knew that Macduff didn’t like him much anyway. 

Malcolm came in behind Macduff and pushed past him.

“What’s going on?” he asked.

“What do you mean?” Macduff asked him.

“I just saw Duncan throwing rocks and screaming outside,” Malcolm said. “What’s that all about?” Macduff thew Macbeth a cool look.

“I’ll let Macbeth explain,” he said.

Macbeth was getting sick of explaining this more than once. He wasn’t prepared to have to tell everyone who came in the door.

“Duncan violated the academic integrity rule so he was cut,” Macbeth said simply. Banquo nodded behind him.

Malcolm threw up his hands.

“Are you serious?” he shouted. “This can’t be true.” Malcolm stabbed an accusatory finger at Macbeth. He left in a huff, muttering to himself. Macduff put his bag down and ran after him.

“So, when’s the first rehearsal?” Macbeth asked.

…

Macduff sped down the hall after Malcolm.

“Malcolm! Hold on!” Macduff shouted. Malcolm kept speed walking until he found the room he was looking for. He threw the door open and slammed it behind him. Macduff followed him inside.

“Malcolm?” Macduff asked the room. The two of them were alone. All of the desks were stacked at the back of the classroom, the walls were barren, and the lights were off. The classroom appeared to be unused, but even so, it was open.

Macduff caught sight of Malcolm as he was throwing a script at the wall. He threw it with force and papers exploded everywhere. Malcolm covered his face with his hands.

“It was supposed to go well this year,” He all but sobbed.

“Hey,” Macduff said consolingly, setting aside his own anger for a moment. “It’ll be just fine, okay? We can fix it. We’ll figure it out.”

The two of them sat on the floor for a few minutes, not saying a word, before picking up the script, which was quite a few pages, and heading to the woodshop to begin working on the set.

…

Macduff and Malcolm didn’t come back that day. Banquo and Macbeth sat together while Macbeth highlighted all of his new lines. Banquo, who had been in the ensemble before, took on Macbeth’s previous role as Nicely-Nicely Johnson.

“I love his song,” Banquo had said.

“I know, Banquo,” Macbeth said.

When the final bell rang at the end of the day, Macbeth was anxious to find Lady. He had to confide his troubles in her.

“Lady,” he said. “Are you sure this was the right thing to do? I mean, Malcolm and Macduff are really upset. They’re probably going to bust me!”

“It’ll be fine, Macbeth. You’re going to seem suspicious. You got this far, just stay on the down-low.” Lady told him. Macbeth took a breath of confidence and stool taller than he had before. He put on a smile and escorted Lady out of the school.

Later that evening, Banquo called. This wasn’t uncommon, so Macbeth had no qualms about answering.

“Macbeth?” Banquo asked.

“What’s going on?” Macbeth replied.

“Macbeth, I feel like something fishy is going on,” Banquo confessed.

“Like what?” Macbeth was getting nervous.

“Like, in the show.”

“You mean how Nathan and Adelaide never get married? I know, it’s so weird.”

“No, that’s not what I mean.”

“What do you mean, then?”

“I mean...I don’t mean to say that you’re a liar or something...but Macduff was right, I think. Duncan isn’t the type to do something like that. It feels wrong to have ruined him like that. You know?”

Macbeth felt like the floor had been ripped out from under him.

“No, I don’t know. I’ll see you tomorrow, Banquo,” he said coldly.

“Macbeth, wait-”

Macbeth ended the call.

…

That day after school Macduff went home with Malcolm. They had started planning out the set for the show that afternoon but could hardly focus, so they put it off until later.

Later is here.

Macduff scribbled an idea down in his notebook.

“I was thinking we could do something like this,” he showed Malcolm. “It could either be a drawing on plywood or a drop or something but I don’t think we should have any other drops.” Malcolm nodded.

“That looks cool. You can draw it on or something and then we can get some ensemble people to paint it. For techie points.” Malcolm said.

“Yeah,” Macduff agreed.

The design was a cartoonish New York skyline. Windows were yellow, the sky was navy with white stars, and each building had a long spire.

“Okay, what else?” Malcolm asked. Macduff consulted his notebook.

“Shop facades, The mission, something for Havana, a platform for the Hot Box, and so, so many other things.” Macduff said, burying his face in Malcolm’s bed.

“We can draw up some plans and delegate this stuff to the newbies. Ms. Weird will show them how to do it.” Malcolm told Macduff.

“Are you sure?” Macduff asked.

“Yes,” Malcolm said with determination. “Because while they’re doing that, we are going to sabotage Macbeth.”

…

Macbeth was enjoying his time at the top. He truly was. But it was not without this horrible guilt following him wherever he went. He was avoiding Banquo today--partially because Banquo was also avoiding him. But also…

There were a few people in Ms. Weird’s room when Macbeth got there. It was lunch hour, after all.

“Ms. Weird?” Macbeth asked with trepidation.

“Yes, sweetheart?” Ms. Weird acknowledged him. Macbeth could hardly bring himself to say the words. But he needed this assurance.

“I caught Banquo cheating on an important project last night.”

Ms. Weird looked down at the table and sighed before looking back up at Macbeth.

“Thank you for telling me, dear,” she said. She turned around and began editing the cast list on the whiteboard again.

“Macduff and Malcolm are going to have my head on a plate…” Macbeth could hear her muttering. Me too, Macbeth thought. He left quickly to find Lady. He figured she could give him some respite before he had to face Banquo.

But when has Macbeth ever been that lucky? As he was leaving, Banquo came through the front doors of the school building.

“Hey,” Macbeth tried. Banquo sped past him into Ms. Weird’s room. It was only a few moments before he came storming back out again. Banquo slammed his shoulder against Macbeth’s on his way back outside. Macbeth was alone in the hallway.

Macbeth found Lady sitting alone in a secluded corner of the school yard. When he sat down next to her, she startled.

“Are you okay?” Macbeth asked her.

“Yes, yes, I’m fine,” Lady said very unconvincinly.

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing, nothing. I just don’t want to see certain people right now.”

“Oh, should I leave?”

“No.” Lady put her hand on Macbeth’s thigh. “You can stay.”

They sat in silence for a moment.

“Banquo got cut today,” Macbeth said.

“What? Why?” Lady demanded.

“Oh, it doesn’t matter.” Macbeth regretted telling her anything.

“I swear to god, Macbeth, if this was your fault I’ll kill you. Duncan, already hates me because I’m your sister. Why don’t you keep adding people to his army, huh?” Lady berated him. Macbeth was at a loss. There was no way he could come out of this on top unless he let Lady take the fall. Which,

“You seem to be handling it pretty well,” Macbeth observed.

Lady slapped him in the face.

“I changed my mind. Go away.” 

Macbeth obeyed and left quickly. As he approached the school doors he saw Banquo leaving out of the corner of his eye. Macbeth decided to go back to Ms. Weird’s room.

Ms. Weird wasn’t there when Macbeth arrived. He decided to sit on the long table at the front of the room.

Macbeth noticed a magic 8 ball sitting near the white board. He decided to ask a few questions.

“Will I become rich and famous?” he asked.

Don’t count on it.

“Okay…” Macbeth was a bit disappointed. He decided to ask some more questions.

“Will Guys and Dolls be the best Dunsinane production yet?”

As I see it, yes.

“Sweet!” Then he remembered Macduff and Malcolm.

“What about Malcolm and Macduff?” He asked.

Concentrate and ask again.

Right, Macbeth thought. I can’t be vague.

“Will Malcolm and Macduff hinder my greatness?”

Better not tell you now.

“Fine, be like that.” Macbeth said and set the 8 ball down.

Suddenly, the door opened, and a girl walked in. Macbeth recognized her as Maduff’s younger sister.

“Is Ms. Weird here?” she asked Macbeth.

“No, sweetheart, she isn’t,” Macbeth said, an idea forming. He had a bad feeling about Macduff and Malcolm, and he knew exactly what to do about it.

…

Malcolm and Macduff sat down next to each other in their next class, their fingers intertwined. They both gave each other a look of knowing: this was their last respite before rehearsal today. It was not the first, but they were nowhere near their last. Malcolm and Macduff were not excited, to say the least.

After class, Macduff and Malcolm split up, albeit begrudgingly. Malcolm had to supervise the rehearsal and answer any stupid questions the actors undoubtably had, while Macduff was taking Siward and a few other freshmen to the woodshop to work on the set. One of those freshmen was supposed to be his sister, but she was not here.

“Has anyone seen my sister today?” Macduff asked the group. He was sure he saw her going to first period this morning but it couldn’t hurt to ask.

They all shook their heads no. Let me ask Malcolm if she’s in Ms. Weird’s room, Macduff thought. He took out his phone.

Macduff: hey is my sister near you

Malcolm: no why

Macduff: i cant find her

Malcolm: so why don't you text her

What a great idea. Why hadn’t Macduff thought of it before? Macduff opted to give her a call. It rang a few times before she picked up.

“Hello?” came a shaky voice.

“Hey,” Macduff greeted. “Where are you?” All Macduff could hear was the sound of ragged breathing for a few moments.

“It doesn’t matter. I’ll see you when I get home. Oh, and by the way, don’t try to get me back while that group of jerk-wads are still there,” Macduff’s sister said through quiet sobs.

“What jerk-wads?” Macduff asked nobody, since the call had ended. Macduff knew everyone on the cast, and they were all so friendly and kind, except…

“I need to go,” Macduff told the freshmen. “You all can go home.”

…

Macbeth was running lines with Seyton when Macduff burst in. He had a determined glint in his eye. Malcolm walked up to him and they started chatting animatedly. Macbeth was having trouble focusing on the scene.

Macduff and Malcolm both looked back at Macbeth before leaving the room, leaving Macbeth with a sinking feeling.

Once he was sure Macduff and Malcolm wouldn’t come back, Macbeth grabbed the 8 ball again and shook it.

“Are Macduff and Malcolm plotting against me?” Macbeth asked it.

Outlook not so good.

This put Macbeth somewhat at ease. The rehearsal continued as usual. Afterward, Macbeth went home with no qualms about Malcolm and Macduff.

…

His first mistake, arguably. Macduff had seen Macbeth shaking the 8 ball through the little window in the door.

“What are you looking at?” Malcolm had asked.

“Macbeth is consulting an 8 ball,” Macduff had said, chuckling.

He and Malcolm came up with a plan to get Macbeth expelled from the theatre program: confront him. It was so simple they almost didn’t consider it.

“Really? Who’s gonna believe us? Who’s gonna prove him wrong?” Macduff had asked.

“Duncan, and Banquo. And your sister,” Malcolm had reassured him.

“And after this ordeal is all over?”

“We’ll restore people’s old roles. And continue as normal.”

They set the date for Friday. That meant they had Wednesday and Thursday to talk to Banquo and Duncan and to formulate some backup plans. They would not leave for Christmas break before this was set right.

…

Macbeth walked into school on Friday morning nervous. He had felt confident on Wednesday afternoon and on Thursday, but walking into school was giving him second thoughts. He saw Duncan and some of his friends hanging out together, side-eying Macbeth. Banquo eyed Macbeth from afar and Macduff’s sister had a strange glint in her eye.

On Thursday evening, Lady came down with a fever. Their parents wouldn’t let her come to school. Macbeth was alone and paranoid.

Macbeth walked from class to class trying to be as big and intimidating as possible, to hide his fear. He would not let these people, who were arguably lesser than him, know that he wanted to become as small and invisible as possible.

Dread could not even begin to describe what Macbeth felt when he approached Ms. Weird’s room that afternoon. He pushed open the door with immense trepidation. Seyton and Siward were chatting in the corner, but there was no one else there.

Macbeth snuck behind Ms. Weird’s desk and grabbed the magic 8 ball one last time.

“Will I perform in the show this winter?” Macbeth asked. A direct question has to work, he thought.

The 8 ball landed on the tip between two responses. Macbeth shook it again.

Ask again later.

At that moment, Malcolm pushed the door open, followed by Macduff, his sister, Banquo, Duncan, Ms. Weird, and Mr. Birnham, the principal.

“Hello, Macbeth. Nice to see you,” Macduff greeted Macbeth with a cool tone. Macbeth gave a small wave.

“Macbeth,” Mr. Birnham said. “Have a seat. Please.”

Macbeth sat and Macbeth listened. He listened as Mr. Birnham recounted what had happened in the last two weeks. Macbeth’s peers nodded along with Mr. Birnham and gave each other premature celebratory smiles.

“Now, you understand that you will not be able to participate in the Dunsinane Theatre Program anymore, yes?” Mr. Birnham asked.

“What?” Macbeth exclaimed. “That’s ridiculous!”

“This is what you get for stepping on your friends,” Banquo said.

“Couldn’t have said it better myself.” Macduff gave Banquo a high five.

Macbeth stood and walked toward the door. He took one last look at Ms. Weird’s classroom--which he would never see again--before leaving to go home. Macbeth just barely saw Ms. Weird editing the cast list on the whiteboard out of the corner of his eye.

…

The door closed quietly. The people in the room just stared at it for a moment. Then, Malcolm enveloped Macduff in a bone-crushing hug.

“Finally, we can get on with the show!” he exclaimed.

Someone started playing Green Day’s “Good Riddance”, and someone else put a box of cookies on Ms. Weird’s desk. The celebration was well under way.

It was a few days before Christmas vacation was supposed to begin. Dunsinane’s production of Guys and Dolls was about to close.

Malcolm stood in the wings. Macduff was in the booth. The actors were ready for the show to begin.

“Cue 1, stand by…” Malcolm said.

“Standing by…”Macduff responded.

The lights in the house went down.

“Cue 1, go.”

Macduff pressed the play button in the program. The music started.

“I’ve got the horse right here! His name is Paul Revere…” The actor began. This was going to be the best Dunsinane Production in a while.

[youareinlovees]

Taylor & Joe in 2018

January 12th – Taylor likes this Tumblr post following the release of the End Game music video (x)

January 27th – Taylor was spotted in Italy ordering coffee, the same week that Joe was there for a Prada event (x) (x)

January 28th – In an interview, Todrick is asked about Taylor’s relationship with Joe (x)

“I think that they've done a really great job at being very secretive and keeping that as a personal thing between them. All I can say is that I have met him and he is a lovely, lovely person.”

February 9th – The BTS of the End Game video is released, and Taylor talks about how she’s playing online scrabble against Joe (x) (via tayorswift)

“Oooh he played me in Scrabble. I’m about to– It’s a tight game, no I can wait, I can wait. I’ll make him wait. It’ll make him sweat, his game will get, you know, he’ll get stressed, he’ll be like ‘what’s she gonna play next? Is she gonna get that triple word?’”

February 21st – It is theorised that Taylor gave Joe this Patek Philippe watch for his 27th birthday. (x) (x)

February 27th – @ss_shans posts photos of Taylor in Big Sur, California from the previous week (x)

It is rumored that she was there with Joe and they were celebrating his birthday together (x)

A video from their trip is later included in the Lover lyric video.

March 7th – Taylor and Joe are seen hiking in Malibu (x)

March 12th – The Delicate music video is released, and a “Joe’s Deli” sign can be seen in the background of a scene. (x)

April 13th – Taylor covers September by Earth, Wind & Fire, and changes a lyric to “Do you remember the 28th night of September?”

In the original press release article by Spotify, Taylor says she chose to cover the song for sentimental reasons. (x)

She’s always loved the classic tune by Earth, Wind & Fire, and notes that the month of September is especially meaningful to one of her relationships.

April 17th – Taylor likes this Tumblr post (x)

April 24th – A family friend of the Alwyns says in a Tumblr post that Taylor gets on really well with Joe’s family, and she turned up to help paint Patrick’s room once. (x)

April 26th – The same family friend also talked about Taylor meeting Joe’s parents for the first time (x)

Apparently Joe’s mum didn’t realise who she was and told the two of them to go for a walk in the park because the food wasn’t ready. Taylor was like ‘I can’t….’ and Joe’s mum was like ‘what no don’t be silly’ and Taylor had to be like ‘no seriously I really can’t’

May 6th – Taylor likes this Tumblr post (x)

May 7th – Taylor and Joe post matching cacti pictures on Instagram.

May 8th – Joe and his mom attend the opening night of Rep Tour in Glendale, Arizona. (x) (x) (via joealwyndaily)

Taylor singing Gorgeous to Joe (video)

Joe watching Taylor perform Gorgeous (video)

Taylor singing King Of My Heart to Joe (x) (x)

Taylor pointing at Joe during Dress (video)

Joe clapping at the end of the show (via dallas_dante)

Joe and Jack Antonoff hug as they leave the stadium together (video)

Taylor and Joe backstage after the show (via nessa007)

In Rep Room, there were J necklace cookies

Taylor talks to a fan about how she plays Scrabble with Joe all the time

May 19th – A YouTuber named Lauren Lipman meets Taylor backstage at Rep Tour Pasadena and says she’s so happy for her and Joe, and Taylor replies “aww thanks he’s the best” (x)

May 12th – Taylor tells a fan (xiwantyourmidnightsx) in Rep Room that Joe is “the best” and “such an amazing person.”

“He calms me down whenever I see something mean someone says about me, he just takes me right out of it all. And he’s been my longest relationship!!! We’ve been together for 20 months now. When we get to two years, I’m going to freak out. I’m going to be so obnoxious about it.”

The fan also asked Taylor about this polaroid in the rep magazines, and she said people in England have bonfires all the time and she and Joe just hang out in his backyard burning stuff. Taylor also said Joe takes pictures of her all the time and confirmed that all of the pictures in the rep magazines were taken by him.

May 16th – Taylor releases the Delicate vertical video, in which she points to her J necklace during “you must like me for me” (x)

May 23rd – Taylor likes a chain post of fans recreating Joe memes (x)

May 30th – Taylor likes a Tumblr post about how she can relate to You Are In Love now (x)

May 30th – Taylor and Joe are seen leaving The Flask Pub and Restaurant in North London, after a fish and chips lunch. (x)

June 2nd – At night 2 of rep tour Chicago, Taylor sees a cardboard cutout of Joe in the crowd (x)

(via afterglowws)

June 9th – Joe and his brother Patrick attend night 2 of Rep Tour Manchester (x)

Patrick, Andrea and Joe in Club Meredith

Taylor smiled and winked at Joe during Gorgeous (via swiftiekyle)

Taylor waving at Joe during Bad Blood (x)

In rep room, Taylor tells a fan that it calms her so much knowing that Joe is in the audience (x)

June 16th – During night 2 of rep tour Dublin, Taylor says to a fan that her favourite fast-food restaurant in London is LEON. (x)

June 19th – Taylor posts a video of Meredith on Instagram, and Joe’s laugh can be heard in the background (x)

June 22nd – Joe and his family and friends attend night 1 of Rep Tour London.

During Taylor’s opening speech, she talks about how she spends a lot of time in London (x)

“This is my first time looking out into a crowd like this at Wembley Stadium (…) I spend a lot of time in London, so I know there's so many things you could be doing tonight - and yet you've decided to spend your Friday night with us here at the reputation stadium tour, thank you so much.”

Taylor singing Gorgeous to Joe (video)

Club Meredith during End Game and Bad Blood (video)

June 23rd – Joe and his family and friends attend night 2 of Rep Tour London.

Tom Hooper (the director of CATS) entering the stadium with Joe

Taylor smiling at Joe during Gorgeous (video)

Taylor singing King of My Heart to Joe (video)

Taylor during Dress (via paths-of-my-childhood)

Taylor pointing at Joe during “flashback to when you met me, your buzzcut and my hair bleached” (video)

Taylor pointing at Joe during Call It What You Want (via paths-of-my-childhood) (x)

June 23rd – Taylor talks to a fan about how she and Joe have a “relationship band.”

It is theorized that the band is The National because a lot of their songs are on Taylor’s playlists.

Taylor thanks a fan for the proud signs and says the project made Andrea and Joe so emotional

June 24th – In an interview with Metro, Niall Horan talks about performing at Wembley Stadium with Taylor. (x)

“When we caught up backstage we were talking about how she’s doing, where she’s living and what she’s up to. I haven’t seen her in about a year and a half so it was kind of a catch-up, how things are going with the new fella – just general chat.”

June 28th – Taylor performs at an AT&T fan event in Chicago and talks about reputation.

“It’s legitimately an album about finding love throughout all the noise."

She also says that she jumped into a freezing pool fully clothed two New Year’s Eves ago. (via speaknow)

June 28th – Taylor talks to a fan (keep-him-forever-vendetta) about Joe (x)

I told her that Ryan and I started dating around the same time and her and Joe and she goes “WAIT when” and I said it will be two years in September! And she said “YES that’s right! See the media thinks they’re sooo sneaky and they say ‘oh that’s her NEW boy’ and that we met in May. HA. They don’t know he’s been around!”

Her face literally LIT UP when she talked about him. Also I asked her if she had a great time in the UK and if she got to see Joe and his family a lot and she was like “oh I’m there like all the time!! Like this was just for work, but I go there literally all the time.”

June 30th – Taylor meets a fan in Rep Room Louisville who had a Joe meme on her sign. (x)

July 3rd – Taylor and Joe are spotted walking along the beach in Turks and Caicos (x)

July 4th – Taylor and Joe are seen snorkeling in Turks and Caicos (x)

July 10th – Several fans saw Joe and his mom in the soundbooth at night 1 of Rep Tour DC (x)

July 10th – Taylor says to a fan in Rep Room that Joe taught her everything she needs to know about the World Cup (x)

July 20th – In rep room at Metlife night 1, Taylor mentions how happy she is in her current relationship

July 22nd – Joe and his family attend night 3 of Rep Tour Metlife.

Taylor winks at Joe during Gorgeous (x)

During King of My Heart, Taylor can’t stop looking and pointing in Joe’s direction. (x) (x)

Joe singing along to Don’t Blame Me

July 27th – During night 2 of Rep Tour Gillette, a fan holds up a Joe meme at barricade (x)

July 28th – Taylor invites two fans with “Joe’s Deli” costumes to meet her backstage in rep room.

In Rep Room, Taylor also talks to another fan about Joe.

August 4th – Taylor performs Come Back Be Here acoustic in Toronto, while wearing the J necklace. (video)

In the last chorus, she changes the lyric “I guess you’re in New York today to “I guess you’re in London today” because Joe is in London filming.

In rep room, a fan talks to Taylor about how they both have initial necklaces (x)

August 17th – At rep Tour Cleveland, Taylor talks to a fan in rep room about Joe

August 22nd – Taylor and Joe go on a double date with two of their British friends at a restaurant in Covent Garden, London. (x)

September 19th & 21st - Joe mentions in several interviews that he wants to keep his relationship with Taylor private (x) (x)

September 28th – On Taylor and Joe’s 2-year anniversary, Taylor attends the NYFF premiere of Joe’s movie The Favourite, as well as the afterparty.

Afterwards, they are seen returning to Taylor’s NYC apartment. (x)

September 29th – At Rep Tour Houston, a fan met Taylor in rep room and wished her and Joe a happy belated anniversary. (x)

October 5th – Backstage at night 1 of Rep Tour Arlington, Taylor tells Ryan Hurd that she loves his song Love in a Bar because it was especially meaningful to her relationship with Joe. (x)

[Taylor] said, “I love that song” and something about her and her boyfriend and referenced my song and I was like, “That’s cool.”

October 8th – In an interview for W Magazine, Joe is asked about his Patek Philippe watch.

“It was a present,” he says with a wicked grin.

October 18th – A reporter asks Joe about his thoughts on Taylor taking a political stance (x)

“I think it’s great, I think it's important”

October 28th – Joe posts a picture on Instagram that was taken on the rooftop of Taylor’s NYC apartment (x)

November 15th – Taylor and Joe attend the after party for Mary Queen of Scots held at Chateau Marmont in LA (x) (x)

November 16th – Taylor was seen at the an afterparty for The Favourite LA premiere held at Baltaire Restaurant. (x) (x)

November 16th – A video of Taylor playing the guitar is filmed, and is later included in the Lover lyric video.

November 22nd – On her Instagram, Taylor posts a compilation of all of Joe’s scenes in The Favourite and calls the movie phenomenal.

She also posts about it on her Instagram story (x)

November 24th/25th – Taylor and Joe were seen hiking in Nashville

November 26th – In a GQ interview, Joe talks about how Lykke Li is one of his favorite artists. (x)

Some of Lykke Li’s songs, such as bad woman and utopia, have been featured on Taylor’s Spotify and Apple Music playlists. (x) (x)

December 4th – Joe is seen leaving Taylor’s NYC apartment (x)

December 4th – In an interview with Esquire, Joe is asked whether he sought out guidance on his relationship with Taylor (x)

“I didn’t seek out advice on that. Because I know what I feel about it. I think there’s a very clear line as to what somebody should share, or feel like they have to share, and what they don’t want to, and shouldn’t have to.”

December 5th – Taylor plays Delicate at the Ally Coalition and sticks her tongue out at Joe during “you must like me for me.” (via taylorswifh) (x)

After the show, they are seen returning to Taylor’s apartment together. (x)

December 8th –  Joe posts a picture of him and Jack Lowden from inside Taylor’s NYC apartment (x)

December 10th – Taylor is seen at the London premiere of Joe’s movie Mary Queen of Scots (x)

December 13th – Taylor spends her 29th birthday in London. A clip of her blowing out the candles on her birthday cake is later shown in Miss Americana (x)

December 24th-25th – Taylor and Joe celebrate Christmas together with both of their families at Glin Castle in Limerick, Ireland. (x)

December 25th – Joe posts a picture on Instagram that fans theorize Taylor took.

December 30th – Taylor, Joe, and some of their British friends go for a walk in the West Village to visit Taylor’s old Cornelia Street rental (x)

December 30th – Taylor, Joe, Abigail, Matt and Patrick are seen going out to dinner in New York City.

Joe turns his whole body and walks backwards to block Taylor from the paparazzi.

December 31st – Taylor throws a childhood heroes themed party for New Year’s Eve, and Joe is spotted in the background of some pictures (x)

Taylor is dressed as Ariel and Joe is dressed as Zorro (x)

2016 // 2017 // 2019 // 2020

[bangtanloverboys]

i’d be home with you // knj

summary - death is inevitable, it’s something you cannot escape. it only hurts more when it you die too young.

pairing - ghost!namjoon x female! reader

genre - angst, hurt/comfort; ghost au

word count - 7.7k

warnings - peer pressure, drugs, alcohol consumption, anxiety attack, major character deaths (duh), police, accidental deaths, crying, vomiting, drinking as a coping mechanism, communicating with the dead, psychics, moving on, acceptance of death 

author’s note - this is for the final tile in my bingo ‘ghost au’. this really hurt me writing it and im sad, but i hope you guys like it

Namjoon had a lot of regrets, despite living a fairly cautious lifestyle. But since he died all he had left was regretting stuff he didn’t get to do sooner. Dying at 23 via accidental overdose? Hell of a way to die when he was someone who struggled to even tell a waiter that they gave him the wrong order, but that’s how he met his end. 

There were so many things he didn’t get to experience: getting his Masters, graduating college, finding the love of his life, having children with said love of his life, growing old, retiring, spending time with grandkids if he had any. But all of that was cut short by just one single party and one single decision.

His brother, Seokjin, dragged him along to one of his dumb frat parties. All Namjoon wanted to do that evening was just study for his anthropology final that was coming up the following weekend but in his brother’s terms he needed to quote-unquote “Take a chill pill”. He dragged him over to some random townhouse a couple miles away from the university, handed him a cup of alcohol and abandoned him. 

Namjoon didn’t drink, just didn’t think it was all that appealing to him. He sat silently in the corner of the room, keeping himself flush to the wall. He pretended to sip the plastic cup that was in his hand, trying not to draw any attention to himself whatsoever. It wasn’t until he was approached by a young brown haired man that his fate was sealed. 

“‘Sup man, you look like you need a bit of fun.” The man said, a small smirk on his lips as he raised a small baggie of white pills. 

“I- uh, I’m good. Thanks.” Namjoon quickly panicked, turning him down and quickly started looking around for his brother. This wasn’t his scene. He just wanted to go home now.

“Nah, come on man! You look like you need a bit of destressing, just take a couple. On the house.” He watched in abject horror as the guy opened the maggie and poured some into his hand. He took Namjoon’s free hand and put the pills in his palm. “Go on! Feels great.” He winked at him as he leaned against a wall, waiting for him to take the drugs. 

Despite only the stranger’s gaze on him, he felt like everyone at the party was staring at him. Waiting for him to take the pills. His heart was pounding, he should give them back and just walk home. With or without Seokjin. Instead he found himself slowly lifting the pills to his mouth, throwing them in and taking a swig of the cup in his hand to wash it down. The alcohol was bitter on his tongue and they clumped together as they went down his esophagus. 

“Yeaah man!” With a heart shaped smile, the man slapped him on the shoulder, “Enjoy it man. See me if you need anymore later.” And with that, he disappeared into the crowd.

Namjoon just stood there, head pounding as the lights bleared his vision and he swear he could feel the floors vibrate beneath his feet with the base of the stereo. Despite him not even moving, he felt like he was spinning and hanging upside down. Was it getting hot in here? Why did his limbs feel cold? He pushed himself from the wall, pushing his way through the sea of people between him and the way out. 

“Heyyy!! Joonie! Get over here!” The voice of his brother called out to him, he turned to see the man himself walk over to him and pull him out of the crowd. “I see you were gettin’ jiggy, eh? Finally letting loose?”

“Jin, I-I don’t feel so good. I need-”

“Oh quit it Namjoon!” Seokjin scoffed at him. “Just take another drink and chillax!” He took the cup in his hand and brought it to Namjoon’s lips, forcing him to gulp down more of the burning liquid. 

With that, his brother walked away. He felt himself get sucked back into the crowd of dancers, pushing and pulling him in all directions. His heartbeat was in his head, the base of the music was in his stomach. His chest was tight and he felt like he couldn’t breathe. All he knew at this point was the people he was surrounded by. Dancing, screaming, singing. It was loud and hot and nauseating. Yet despite the heat of the bodies around him, he felt cold. All he knew was what was in that crowd of people: sweat, heat, and constant movement.

After that the world just seemed to turn black.

He woke up the next early morning to sirens; red and blue lights flashing outside the windows. That should’ve been his first clue. His second clue should’ve been the lack of a hangover he should be having. Namjoon walked down the hallway he was in and into the living room where a couple he didn’t know were talking to police, alongside a few other party goers were all sitting on the couch. 

“H-hey what’s going on?” He asked as he approached them, but he was ignored. “Um, hello?” He waved his hand, trying to catch their attention. He felt his chest tighten, what was going on? Why were they ignoring him? When he heard an officer call out for a Mr. Kim, he almost cried from relief, “That’s me!”

But the officer walked right past him and out onto the porch, where a young man sat with a blanket laid over his shoulders. “Mr. Kim, I’m sorry to bug you at this time but we need a statement.” The man said to him. The young man nodded and stood up to face the officer. To Namjoon’s horror it was Seokjin, his eyes red and puffy. He’d never seen his brother look so distraught. “Are you alright for me to ask you a few questions?”

“Yeah,” his voice croaked out. 

“Did Namjoon, or anyone else in your family, have a history of drug abuse?” The question threw him for a loop.

“No!” He yelled at the officer. “I have never-”

“No, he-” Jin cut him off with a sniffle. “He’s never used drugs before, I dragged him out to this party. And-and it’s my fault he’s dead.” 

Namjoon’s entire world seemed to collapse in on itself. “What?! I’m not dead! I’m right here! Seokjin! Seokjin, look at me!” He cried out as he tried to push past the threshold of the door but some invisible force kept him in. “Seokjinnie, please! Hyung!” He screamed as he watched the officer place a hand on his shoulder as his older brother sobbed. 

He looked ahead of them and saw a white van labeled ‘CORNOR’ just shut its doors, only giving him a split second to see the tell-tale black body bag inside before the other door shut.

At that moment, another officer walked out the front door. Walking right through him. He watched as the man visibly shuddered before talking to the officer about giving Seokjin more time before asking questions. The air left his lungs, not that he had any in there to begin with. He clutched his chest and ran. He ran through the walls of the town house towards the back door, only for the same thing to happen at the front door happen again. An invisible barrier holding him in. 

He needed to be in an enclosed space. Glancing around, he saw an open closet tucked beneath the small staircase to the master bedroom. Namjoon burst into another run and slammed the door of the closet shut and let out an ungodly scream; crying out for his mother, brother, someone, anyone to hear him and tell him it was going to be okay. The only person came was an officer to investigate the slam but no one else came. No one saw him. 

He died August 28th, 1994. He was 23 years old. Cause of death was drug induced heart attack. The pills the stranger gave him were part of a bad batch or laced with something else, at least that’s what the owner’s of the house mentioned when he listened in on their conversations. At first he felt bad about it, but he couldn’t leave the townhouse so what else could he do? Watch paint dry?

After a while the frat guys who lived in the house moved out, not feeling comfortable with knowing that a guy died in their hallway on their watch. Namjoon didn’t hold any ill will towards them. It wasn’t their fault. Hell, he was such a forgiving person, he wasn’t even that mad at the guy who gave him the drugs. So he didn’t know exactly why he was stuck here, in a small townhouse. But there he was. And he tried his best to deal with it. 

While it certainly did suck the first few months of just trying to deal with people walking through him and not being able to be heard; being dead wasn’t so bad when Namjoon thought about it. It did get a bit lonely sometimes, not being able to talk to anyone outside of his own half conversations with the tenants that moved into the townhouse.

Sometimes the tenants of the house figured out that the place was haunted; sometimes they’d bring in psychics, who were definitely fake as no matter how much he tried to tell them he was a nice ghost they always spouted some bullshit of a vengeful spirit. Sometimes they’d bring in their own ghost equipment and start talking, but soon as he got a word out they freaked and left. The place was constantly on and off the market until you. 

You were a plucky university student who finally found a place that had low enough rent and was close enough to your school that you didn’t need a roommate. Despite Jungkook’s and Taehyung’s begging, you wanted a place to yourself and finding a 2 bedroom townhouse with rent that cheap? It was a steal! With the help of your two friends plus your older brother Yoongi, you were able to get all your stuff moved in within the day!

You didn’t understand why the place never had steady tenants; sure there was a history of noises and cold spots, but it was an old house built in the 70s. Of course it’s gonna have some old stuff that needs fixing. 

Namjoon watched in silence as the four of you went in and out of the house. A few times you did walk near him and visibly shiver, your friends even mentioned the cold spots to you, but you waved it off as if it was nothing. “Just the heater, I’ll talk to the landlord. See if he can do anything about it.” Now he wasn’t an engineer or anything, but he’s seen the heater and there’s nothing wrong with it, it was definitely him you were feeling. But he just had hopes that whoever the landlord hired would say the same to you. 

He was quickly able to get a quick gage on your friends; the brown haired one being Jungkook, he could easily tell he was the youngest of the group by how the rest of you babied him. The blue haired one was Taehyung, but there was something about him that was familiar almost. He reminded him of his brother, how handsome he was. Lastly the dark haired man was Yoongi, at first he wasn’t sure about your relationship to him, seeing how he was the oldest out of all of you, but he quickly came to realize you were siblings by the way you teased each other. He found a lot of joy watching the four of you bicker and talk as you all set up certain aspects of your new place.

“Are you sure you don’t want a roommate?” Jungkook whined as he brought in the last of the boxes. “I swear, I’ll do all the laundry and chores just pleaaasee?”

“Sorry, Jungkookie.” You laughed at your friend. “But the lease is signed and I got everything I want planned out already. You can go room with Taehyung!”

“But he gets paint all over my shit though!” He groaned as he set the last box down on the counter. 

“Hey, if she says she’s okay for her own place I believe her.” Yoongi said as he left your room. “Your bed is all set up by the way.” He pressed a kiss to the crown of your head. 

“Thank you, Yoongle.” You smile at your older brother, happy he was able to get your bed together before it was too late in the day. “Now I just gotta find my sheets and I’ll be able to sleep in bed.” You chuckled.

“Which are right here,” You turn to see Taehyung holding a bag full of your blankets and pillows. “Want me to bring them over to your room?” He tossed his head in the direction of where you claimed your bedroom would be.

“Please and thank you!” You gave him a wide smile as he made his way down towards your room to drop them. 

“You sure you don’t want me to spend the night tonight?” Yoongi asked, “First nights are scary, believe me.”

“I’ll be fine! Don’t worry!”

And you were. You thought you’d have a bit of difficulty adjusting to being alone, but for some reason you didn’t really feel alone? If that made any sense. You’d think after living with your brother the past few years you’d instantly notice being alone. Physically you knew you were but at the same time, deep down you knew you weren’t. Whatever this feeling was, you didn’t mind it. Hell, the weird feeling comforted you. Helped you prove to your brother that you didn’t need any extra help. 

Namjoon was kinda baffled at how willfully ignorant you were. It’s been a few weeks since you’ve moved in and he notices you do tend to lose stuff and don’t really question it when he suddenly places it where you can easily find it again. He likes watching you get ready and organizing your place. (Of course, when he sees that you’re getting dressed or getting ready for bed he’ll give you your privacy.) Sometimes he’ll kinda give some ghosty help and straighten up some of the crooked frames you hung up. Being the friendly ghost roommate he is. 

You called the landlord not too long ago and he said that a lot of the past tenants had complained about it not working or it always being cold in the house so he told you he was just going to replace it. You were excited! Brand new heater! And with the nights starting to get colder, you’re really going to need it. 

It was on a Tuesday when the landlord came to change the heater, which was strange. Namjoon watched as you let the landlord in to work as you left for your early morning class, now the few times he’s seen the landlord and stuff being fixed is few. Normally he’ll have a professional come over and work on it, that’s what happened a few years ago when he accidentally shoved a spoon down the kitchen drain and the tenant called his services. 

He watched with curiosity as the landlord dragged in the brand new heater, box in all, as well as his tool box and got to work. Something in the back of Namjoon’s mind didn’t feel right, so he kept an eye on the man as he installed the heater himself. Again, he wasn’t an electrician and knew nothing of installing heaters, but he knew that he was doing it wrong. He was pushing and slamming against it, trying to get it to fit on the pipes. Namjoon anxiously ran his fingers through his hair, debating on trying to fuck with him and push the heater off. But before he could even do anything, you came home and the landlord dusted off his hands and closed the door to the heater. 

You were so happy that it was finished, thanking the landlord profusely for getting you a new one and installing it. While it was gonna take a bit off of your deposit, and you were internally cringing at that, you knew it was a well needed thing to be done. Soon as he left, you turned on the heat, as it was a cool November day and your professor didn’t bother turning on the heat in her class at all. With the heat on, you grabbed some blankets and snuggled up to watch Netflix the rest of the day, not bothering to work on your essay that was due in a few days. 

As the day slowly came to a close, you realized you were getting a small headache. You didn’t really think much of it, just popped an aleve and drank some water. Usual things that helped cure your headaches, but it didn’t seem to let up. You glanced at the time, it was about 7:30. “Might as well hit the hay early.” You yawned, stretching out and made your way to your room. You did stumble around a bit, damn did you not notice how tired you were? Not bothering to change out of your day clothes, you just crawled right into bed and fell asleep. 

“Not good, this is very not good.” Namjoon was rightfully freaking out. The heater was not properly installed at all and as he couldn’t breathe, he knew that whatever was happening to you was not good. He scoured all over the house, looking for some sort of alarm he could set off, wake you up, get you out of the house. As it turns out, the fire alarm was busted. The landlord was too cheap to fix it and not bother telling you. He constantly went back and forth checking on your to make sure your chest was still rising and falling as he frantically tried to do anything to wake you up. 

Nothing worked though. He hadn’t felt this frustrated since he first died and everyone was walking through him. He wanted to scream, but nothing worked. He couldn’t do much but watch you. Wait for you to wake up and realize something was wrong. Wait for you to die. Which ever happened first and he hoped it was the former. But no matter how much he hoped and prayed to whatever god there was out there, it was fruitless. 

It was 1:36 am when you stopped breathing.

Namjoon lets out a choked out sob, he can’t believe it. He should’ve done something. He should’ve pushed the heater over while the landlord was still here. He should’ve done something to turn it off before you started suffering from the carbon monoxide that was pouring through your vents. He buried his head in his hands and he just cried. Cried for you, for your family. You had so much life ahead. 

“Mmhmm, what’s going on?”

He stilled, he looked up and saw you on the floor, holding your head. He quickly glanced between you and your body and quickly jumped into action. 

“Hey, it’s okay.” He got on his knees to help you to your feet, thankfully in your confusion you let him help you up and quickly escorted you away from your room. He wasn’t sure how you were going to react to the fact you had died, much less seeing your own dead body right in front of you. “Just follow me, you’re going to be okay.” He said as he brought you over to the couch and sat you down. 

“Hmm, who are you? Where am I?” You were still very dazed, he wasn’t sure if that was just a side effect of the poisoning or just general confusion of death. Did different deaths affect ghosts differently? Or was it random to each person? 

“My name is Namjoon, we’re in your house.” He answered as he knelt in front of you.

Your eyes slowly started focusing on him and when your vision cleared to see the stranger in your house, you rightfully screamed. “Who the fuck are you!? What are you doing in my house?!” You shouted scrambling to get away from him. “Get out before I call the police!!”

“Hey hey hey, wait!” He called out after you as you got to your feet and ran back to your room. “Don’t go in there! Wait! Y/N!”

Soon as you crossed the threshold of the room you screamed again. Because there you were, in bed. Not moving. Not breathing. You fell to your knees and screamed again; in horror, confusion, fear. You felt a hand on your shoulder and you just leaned into it, collapsing into the arms of a complete stranger. 

Namjoon held you as you sobbed into him, fists tight around the shirt he died in. He tried his best to be a soothing presence for you, rubbing circles into your back and not letting you go until several hours had passed. A normal human being probably would’ve passed out from exhaustion by now, but you weren’t human anymore. You were a ghost. 

By the time you had stopped crying the sun was starting to rise, you let Namjoon help you to your feet and back to the living room. You both sat down on the couch in silence, besides a couple of sniffles from you. 

“Are. . are you the Grim Reaper?” You asked, your voice groggy from crying. 

“Hm? Oh no, I uh, I’m a ghost. Like you actually.” He replied with a nervous chuckle. “I died here.”

“I figured,” you wiped your nose on the back of your hand. “Landlord said someone died back in ’94, I just thought it was some. . .some old guy. Old age. Didn’t think he’d be-you’d be close to my age.”

“How old are you?” He asked, trying to make light conversation and distract you. 

“Uh, I turned 21 last month.” You gave him a tight smile. Then the two of you fell into silence.

“I’m 23, by the way.” God, it’s been so long since he’s had an actual conversation with someone that he completely forgot how to talk to people. 

“But wouldn’t you be-”

“Nah I don’t really count the years afterward much. I don’t age and can’t leave the house, what’s the point in counting the years.” He scratched the back of his neck. 

“Can’t leave? What do you mean?” You looked at him, confused. 

“Uh. . . you saw Beetlejuice right?” You nodded. “Kinda like that? Only instead of being teleported to some other sand dimension, you just get. . .blocked.”

“I guess there’s also no ‘Handbook for the Recently Deceased’ either.” You let out a soft chuckle.

“Yeah, that would’ve been very helpful.” He gave you a small, dimpled smile. Then the silence fell over you again, the only noise was the shudder of the heater as it shut off, then there was complete silence.

“How long?” You keep your gaze focused on your lap, pulling on your fingers. 

“Hmm?”

“How long. . .are we going to be here?” Your body was still in the other room, how long until someone notices you were missing school? How long would it take your brother to know that you weren’t contacting him? You could go days without talking with him. . .

“Here? I don’t know. . . as for someone to notice. . .that all depends on the people around you. I died when there was just a frat party, so it was noticed immediately. . .”

You furrowed your brows at that, it sounded familiar. . .why did that sound familiar? You knew for a fact you didn’t research the one death in this house, but at the same time you feel like you’ve been told a story like that before. . . 

It was Jungkook who found you a day and a half later. 

“Y/N? Hello?” He was banging on the door, looking in between the windows. Namjoon held you close as you started to cry, you didn’t want Jungkook to see this. He shouldn’t have to see this. He must’ve found the hide-a-key because moments later he was in, you clung tighter onto Namjoon as your best friend of 10 years looked past you. 

“Y/N?” He called out as he walked in, you turned your head into Namjoon’s chest as your friend made his way towards your room. You squeezed your eyes shut as you heard him talk. “Hey you okay? Haven’t seen you at school. . . Y/N? Y/N? Hey wake up-” He must’ve realized because next thing you know he’s running out of the house, right through you and Namjoon, he stumbles outside and onto the small patch of grass that is your lawn. 

You pull yourself away from Namjoon’s grip, throwing yourself to the open door where you see Jungkook throwing up whatever's in his stomach and crying. You wanted to burst out of the house and just hold him, tell him you were okay, tell him you loved him one last time. But you couldn’t, all you could do was stand there and watch as he pulled out his phone and dialed the emergency number.

Soon enough there was a fire track, an ambulance, and several police cars lining the street. Namjoon tried to pull you away so you didn’t have to see what was going on, but you refused. You needed to see, you had to know what was going on. What was going to happen. BUt all those thoughts were thrown out the door when you saw your brother frantically pull up and run towards the house, pushing past officers trying to keep him away from the scene.

“Y/N?!” he screamed as the officers continued to hold him back. “Where’s my sister!? Is she okay?! Y/N!!” 

“Yoongi! Yoongi I’m right here!” You screamed, banging against the force that confined you to the townhouse. Not caring if first responders walked right through you, you didn’t care. You just wanted your brother. 

“Yoongi,” You saw Jungkook walk over to him, tears still falling from his face. You watched as the realization fell on his face. You were gone. 

“No. No no no no no NO!” He clawed hysterically at the officers, begging and screaming at them to let him go. They only did as he fell to his knees, Jungkook right next to him and pulled him in close. Both of them crying their hearts out for you as people watched from beyond the police tape. 

With the way your heater was improperly placed, it was an easy open and shut case. Carbon monoxide poisoning. Manslaughter. Your landlord was arrested and charged, plead guilty. He’ll get 3 years in prison. But that does little to resolve you or your family's grief. 

It takes a while before your family has access to your house again, all the carbon monoxide cleared out from the space. The new landlady gives Yoongi a month to clear out your stuff. You watch there as your mom, dad, Yoongi, Jungkook, and Taehyung all stop by and help try and organize boxes. No tears are spared through the entire time, from them and your family. 

Namjoon feels a bit awkward, staying off in the corner as you sit next to your mom as she folds all your clothes and puts them into boxes. He listens to your family as they tell stories about you, reminiscing on memories. He keeps a close eye on your though, despite him dying before, he never saw his family mourn. He’s unsure how you might deal with seeing them cry and divide up your stuff. 

You only start to lose it when Yoongi finds the pink stuffed elephant he’d given you many years ago, hiding away amongst your pillows. When he pulls out the stuffed animal that was hidden away, you watched as he ran his thumb over the furry creature. He brought it close to his chest and let out a choked out sob. Unsure how much more you were able to take, you let out a scream.

Namjoon quickly ran over to the bedroom where you were on the floor, screaming and crying as Yoongi stood there crying, completely unaware of what was going on before him. “Hey hey, it’s okay. It’s okay.” He tried to calm you, but you weren’t having it.

“No! It’s not okay, Namjoon! I’m dead! Maybe you’d have time to accept things the way they were but I can’t!” You shouted, pushing him away from you. You let out another twisted scream that turned into a sob, shaking Namjoon to his very core. The amount of power and energy you put into that wail shook the bookcase behind you, a few of the books falling from their shelves. The man just sat there across from you as you curled into a ball and just cried, and cried, and cried. Not sure what else to say. What do you say to a girl who was wrongfully killed in her sleep? There’s nothing. 

So caught up in your emotions and trying to keep you calm, neither of you see Yoongi notice stare at the bookcase and the fallen books. 

The next few times your family and friends come to pack things up, Namjoon stays with you in the closet. Saying something about giving them space and you need space as well. At first you protest against it, not wanting to be confined to an even smaller space. But after watching your father tear up as he packed away your photos, you agreed. You couldn’t take much longer. 

Several days had passed and all that was left in your townhouse was just the furniture. Your parents and brother arguing over who could keep what. There’s still a few boxes of your things scattered around the house, you wish you could steal a book or something to keep yourself occupied at least but you’d know they’d notice and find it right away. 

Lightning cracks against the sky as rain pours down. To pass the time, Namjoon was telling you stories about the other tenants that had lived here; the frat boys, the families, the stoners, etc. You were in the middle of telling him a story about how you and Jungkook met Taehyung, how he at 17 years old stuck a bug up his nose on a dare when the front door slammed open. Lightning flashed behind the figure, giving you a quick outline of your brother with a bottle in his hand.

“Oh on, no no no.” You stood up to walk over to Yoongi but he just walked right through you. Soaked from the rain, he probably didn’t even feel the cold spot that was you. 

“What is it? What’s wrong?” Namjoon asked as your brother dropped his bag on the floor, taking another swig of the whiskey in his hand. 

“Yoongi, he-he doesn’t like drinking. . .he only does when. . .” Your voice trailed off. Hurt is evident in your eyes as he places the alcohol on the ground and shuffles around in his backpack. Pulling out a black box and frantically tore it open, pulling out a small speaker and wires. 

“Come on, turn on you. . stupid fuckin’ thing.” He slurred as he pushed several buttons on the speaker until it blarred to life, a loud buzzing noise filling the living room. “Y/N? Are you there?”

Your eyes felt like they were going to bulge out of your head. Never in your life did you think your brother would go to such lengths as to buy a spirit box?! You looked to Namjoon, unsure of what to do. He’s told you a couple times people figured out the place was haunted and they’d try to communicate with him, but this was different. He was looking for you. He only gestured for you to speak. 

“Yoongi?” Soon as the words left your mouth, a robotic voice left the speakers and you swear he jumped ten feet in the air. 

“Is-is it really you?” He clung to the speaker, bringing it closer to his face. 

“It’s me,” you said. “I’m here.” The robotic voice followed after your’s. Yoongi let out a small cry, relieved you were here. You tried to say more but all that came out was garbled and mixed up. “Namjoon! What do I do?!”

“Calm down, small phrases.” Namjoon said, the spirit box picked up on his voice, repeating him as well. 

“Y/N, are we alone?” Your brother stilled, looking around the room. 

“No, someone else.” You said, sticking to the advice of small words and phrases. 

“Who?”

“Namjoon, friend.” The man introduced himself. “Died here too.”

“This is. . .this is great? I think? Y/N, I- I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry.” His eyes welded up with tears as he spoke.

“It’s. . okay.” You slowly made your way over to your brother, you placed your hand right over his cheek. “I love you.”

You weren’t sure if he felt your presence or not but needless to say he shut off the machine and burst into tears, you cried as he cried. He sat down on the couch, taking a few more swigs of his bottle of whiskey. His cries eventually evolved into snores as he passed out. You could feel Namjoon’s eyes on you as you attempted to brush the hair from his eyes. 

“I’m glad he didn’t do anything too stupid,” you sighed as you stood. “Or dangerous.”

“I’m sorry this happened, Y/N.” Namjoon said, as you made your way back over to him. Both of you just stand there, staring at your sleeping brother. 

“Not your fault,” you responded. “Just, god, I hope someone takes care of him. . .”

“You have a very loving and caring family, Y/N. He’ll be okay,” he wrapped an arm over your shoulder and pulled you into him. As time passed, you’ve gotten somewhat closer. You can’t help but be friendly with him as he’s the only other person you have, being stuck in a 2 bedroom, 1 and a half bath townhouse for the rest of eternity.

When Yoongi woke up the next morning he was grumpy, per usual of him drinking. He didn’t touch the spirit box though. Didn’t even look at it. He just shoved it in his backpack and left, leaving the whiskey behind. You’re glad he left it behind, but at the same time neither of you don’t know what to do with it. 

Namjoon tried to teach you to harness some of your energy to move stuff, him having several years under his belt. He’s able to move things around with little to no struggle, seeing how he was able to move your stuff around before. You however, struggle to move it even a centimeter. But he tells you not to worry, saying it did take him several years to master. 

About a week after your brother came by there’s a small crowd of people outside the door. Before you can even warn Namjoon, the door opens up and reveals him, Jungkook, Taehyung, a short blond man you don’t recognize, and-

“Seokin?!” Namjoon almost instantaneously recognized his brother, only he looked. . .older.

“You know him?” You almost had eyes as wide as he does, staring at him as he moves with the group of people into the kitchen. 

“Yeah, he’s-he’s my brother.” He feels tears start to well up, stinging as he blinks them back. 

“Your. . that would make you-”

“Taehyung, what am I doing here? You haven’t told me anything.” The eldest man complained as he settled into a chair.

“Dad, I told you just. . .just listen. Please.” Your blue haired friend sighed, giving his dad’s hand a quick squeeze. 

You can only stare at Namjoon who in turn only stares at Taehyung and his father. That’s why his story sounded familiar. You vaguely remember hearing your friend’s dad say something about having a brother that died young. An accident. At a house. Your house. 

The group of people settled around the table, only one left standing was the blond stranger who kept his eyes closed as he took a few deep breaths. His face was scrunched up every so slightly, like he was feeling for something.

“Oh no,” Namjoon groaned. “They brought a psychic.”

“I feel. . .” He started.

“Watch he’s going to say vengeful or something like that,” your ghostly friend crossed his arms with a huff.

“Oh I feel a lot of different things,” he giggled as he opened his eyes, pressing a hand to his cheek. “Mainly confusion but. . .there’s some relief and happiness mainly surrounding you sir.” The psychic pointed to Seokjin, who looked even more confused. 

“Are they here?” Yoongi asked him as he settled down in his seat.

“Yes, your sister and your brother are in the room.” he said with a smile. 

“I’m sorry, what?” Seokjin raised a brow in disbelief. “No, Taehyung. I’m not going to deal with some phony who is going to just make shit up about my brother” He started to get up from his seat. 

“Dad, wait!” Taehyung called after him.

“Pink! He likes the color pink!”

“Does the color pink mean anything to you?” The psychic said, stilling Seokjin. 

“Pink was his favorite color, but to anyone who asked him what his favorite color was it was orange.” Namjoon just spouted off the fact about his brother. The psychic didn’t repeat the statement verbatim, but got the point across nonetheless. 

“Mr. Kim, please just listen to what Jimin has to say. True me.” Your brother pleaded with him. Seokjin walked back to the table and took his seat once again. You could see his eyes were watering, like his brother he was blinking back tears. 

“Continue.” He gave a small nod to the blond man, now known as Jimin, who smiled back in return. 

“Now, we’re here to talk to Y/N and Namjoon, correct. That’s their names.” The table all nodded in response. “Okay, they’re here. They’re a bit confused so I’ll repeat my briefing. Hello, my name is Park Jimin. I’m a psychic medium. I can’t exactly see or hear you, but I can feel your energy and emotions. So please be gentle.” He gave a small laugh as he settled himself in your kitchen chair and closed his eyes. “Your family has questions, I’m here to help translate your answers for you. Family, if you please.”

“If Y/N is really here. . . what’s something only she and I would know?” Jungkook said, you had a feeling he was suspicious of this as well, just more quiet about it, possibly not wanting to insult Yoongi or Jimin. 

You felt your cheeks burn as a memory popped in your head, immediately knowing exactly what proof he needed. “He uh, stole my first kiss when I was 13 underneath the monkey bars.” You let out a small chuckle at the memory.

Almost instantaneously, Jimin burst out in a giggle. “Oh my gosh, I’m getting monkey bars?” He kept his eyes closed as he brought his hands to his cheeks. You were keeping your eyes focused on the psychic, but out of the corner of your eyes you saw Jungkook stiffen. “Oh my face is red. You stole her first kiss.” He opened his eyes, a huge smile on his face. 

“I’m sorry what?” Yoongi immediately turned to the younger boy, eyeing him suspiciously. 

“Shush, it’s her.” He dismissed your brother as he leaned forward on the table, soaking in every word that Jimin said. 

“Dad, do you want to say something?” Taehyung looked to his father who kept his arms crossed and his face stern. Glancing between him and Namjoon as he stood right next to him, you finally were able to see somewhat of a resemblance between them. The same messy dark hair, same stern eyebrows, you could only imagine what Mr. Kim looked like when he was Namjoon’s age. 

“. . . Who was it. . .” His voice cracked as he spoke. 

Namjoon paused, he hadn’t thought of the stranger in many years. . .did they never find him? All he recalls of him was a heart shaped smile and brown hair. He can’t recall much else about him, looking very much normal. Like the rest of the party. 

“Hmm,” He watched as Jimin’s face scrunched up a bit. “He doesn’t know, all he remembers is the smile and his hair color.” He brought his hand to his mouth, gesturing to it. “It was a very specific shape too, I see it in my mind perfectly. I wanna say. . . heart shaped?”

Soon as the words left his mouth, Seokjin broke out into a sob. Namjoon watched as his son, his nephew, rumbed comforting circles on his back. 

“Hoseok, fucking Jung Hoseok.” He choked out, hiding his face from the rest of the table. 

Namjoon reached out to his brother, placing a hand on his shoulder. Trying to let him know that it’s okay, he’s not mad. It’s okay. 

“Seokjin,” Jimin started. “Your brother doesn’t harbor any ill will towards him. He forgave him a long time ago.” He finished with a smile. 

“But it’s my fault he’s dead.” He managed to get out. “I brought him to the party, I gave him alcohol. I was the one complaining to Hoseok about him needing to chill out. I caused my brother’s death!”

Namjoon froze at this information. He looked to you, who seemed equally stunned. The whole table seemed to be stunned into silence. 

“I thought it was him for a while, but no one saw him give Namjoon the drugs. I had no evidence. Hoseok’s dad was chief of police so even if I did it would’ve been swept under the rug.” Seokjin finished as he wiped his tears away. The entire table stayed quiet, waiting. 

Namjoon closed his eyes and took a deep breath, despite the action doing nothing, it calmed him down. “It’s alright, Jinnie. I forgive you.” He focused all his energy onto his hand that was placed on his brother’s shoulder, giving it a squeeze. “You need to forgive yourself.” He must’ve felt it because he started staring at his shoulder.

“He forgives you, Mr. Kim.” Jimin repeated softly. “But he thinks you need to forgive yourself. You can’t change the past. He learned that a long time ago. It’s time to let go.”

Eyes not leaving his shoulder, he nodded. “Okay. Okay Joonie.” He let out in a soft voice. 

Jimin conducts the meeting for a little while longer, your respective families letting you know that you are always in their thoughts and how much they love you. You and Namjoon stayed near each other the whole time, giving each other the support you needed as you all reminisced on memories. 

As the meeting  started to come to a close, the blond psychic said something. “Now, this is not usually conventional for me but I feel like it’s necessary.” 

“What do you mean?” Yoongi asked, looking at the man with concern. 

“Both Namjoon and Y/N need to move on. It’s clear to me they have no unfinished business, so the reason they’re still here isn’t that.” He explained. “Sometimes when people die young they just get stuck behind, it’s not common but it happens.”

“So this will be our last goodbye?” Jungkook’s big doe eyes started to well with tears again.

“Yes, it will be.” He nodded. “Please say your final words.”

“Y/N,” Yoongi started, you watched as your brother’s lip trembled, trying to find the right words to say to you. “There’s so much I want to say but I can’t get it out. . I-I love you. You’ll always be my baby sister.”

Next up was Jungkook, who was keeping his eyes squeezed shut. “I wish. . .I wish I could’ve done more for you. I miss you and- and I’ll never forget you.”

“Namjoonie. . .” Seokjin began. “It seems like I just got you back and now I’m losing you again.” He let out a weak laugh. “I love you. You’re always in my thoughts.”

Finally was Taehyung, who just sat there with his lips pursed in thought. “Uncle Namjoon. . . I’m glad I at least got to meet you. . .kinda.” He smiled lightly. “Thank you for being there for Y/N. Please watch over her, she’s kind of a mess sometimes.” He laughed, causing the table to erupt in chuckles. 

“Hey, I’m not that much of a mess!” You countered.

“Yes, you are.” Namjoon asserted as Taehyung finished his thought.

“Y/N, I’m. . . I’m gonna miss you. I’ll always be your bug.” He concluded. The table turned their attention back towards Jimin, who was wiping away tears. 

“They’re not saying anything but it’s clear that they love you,” he said with a smile as he dabbed his under eyes with a handkerchief. “Now, Namjoon and Y/N. Please stand behind me and put your hands on my shoulders.” You followed his instructions, placing your hands on his shoulders, causing him to shiver. “Ooh cold. Now, join hands everyone.” He held out his hands for Yoongi and Taehyung to take. They did and the rest followed suit. 

They all sat there in silence, eyes closed. You and Namjoon looked to each other, neither of you knew what was going to happen next. He’s tried for years to move on physically saying he’s moving on or had no more unfinished business, meditating. Nothing worked. Maybe he was stuck and needed a real and proper psychic’s help?

Suddenly warmth covered you and Namjoon. It’s been years since he’d felt warmth like this. He let out a sigh as the feeling enveloped him. He looked over to you and you had a relaxed smile on your face, content with everything. The sadness he was so used to seeing on your face was now replaced with a look of peace. If he was to look in the mirror, he was sure he’d look the same. 

There was no light that neither of you could recall going into. You both just watched your world melt away into the next.