#i saw a post someone made about this thing a while ago and i cant find it but yeah him being a crazy stinky bastard man | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

regular-gnome · 9 months ago

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Absolutely /adore/ your art and overall take on the Demon Realm world + it's history and the Archivists. Especially coming from someone who adores speculative biology and trying to find logic/science in magic (I'm not sure how to word it so it makes sense - basically almost everything you are doing here)

Curious if you have any ideas on how the titans managed to inhabit the planet, because Papa Titan's hand managed to reach the atmosphere just from lying down. There's no way that planet was big enough for a bunch of titans to walk around comfortably.

Idk much about planetary stuff, but is there some way the planet may have changed? Maybe the Archivists did something?

Sorry this ask got kinda long, hope you have a lovely day doing little gnome things :}

glad you like them!:D

So, one of the gnome things is overanalyzing things and avoiding doing math, but here we are, you actually made me read my biophysics notes from 4 years ago. There are a few things to really focus on and think about, but I gotta preface this by saying I am very much not an expert on speculative biology xD I just have the internet and some books I am basing my theories on

Titans:

First the titans themselves. A while ago, I made an approximation of how large the Boiling Isles titan is and got that it would be around 27 km in height post-mortem. Buuut if the titan was this height during its life is another question because it would run into some biophysics issues

Issues like the atmospheric pressure. At ground level, it is 101.3 kPa, but at 27 km, it falls is 1.6 hPa (titan bless wolframalpha for counting this as exp funtions are the death of me). That is 63 times higher pressure on their legs than on their head! Blood circulation would be shot to the moon. The blood is liquid that in general transports gasses so travelling fron upper body parts to lower ones where there is diffrent dissoving of oxygen would end up in gas bubbles, which are NOT GREAT. Additionally, their ability to stand up or lie down quickly would be pretty much non-existant as that would be super fast change of pressure and more bubbles. But okay, lets say they are like some kind of abyss fishes and keep constant internal pressure.. that would still mean their hearts would need to be either massive or they would have multiple pumping mechanisms to handle their size (maybe like the single-chamber hearts in fish??) And the thing is we saw their heart, it was big but not THAT big so unless it was just one of many, maybe the last beating heart there might be diffrent explanation. And Im not gonna even go into how temperature changes every 100m around 0,6C, lets say their fur makes them warm and cozy and blue blood avoids freezing problems like some arctic critters

bringing those graphs up again cause they show the altitude change nicely

All of this to say the titans during life were probably smaller. They would still have been massive, but maybe not three times the size of mt Everest massive. So next thing to consider is their magic. Their powers are closely tied to life, healing and creation and so, the demons on the Boiling Isles are said to have originated from it and their evolution waas likely sped up a lot thanks to it. Next we saw size-changing spells affecting King in the carnival episode, so it's not a stretch to believe that all titans could be affected by this kind of spells, with the strength depending on the particular titan's magic. So anyway as the titan was activly dying, its magic could have desperately attempted to save it by rapidly generating more cells to repair its failing systems, ending up in expansion of all tissues and their overall size. (Maybe thats why the vains were so big and empty in the mines, you cant create more energy so maybe the magic going with simmilar concept expanded everything around but not made more of blood?) However, despite these efforts, the magic would ultimately fail to save them. When it reached a critical point, maybe after using up most of its magical energy, the process would stop or change focus. There are some fun grusome possiblities on how that might have went down but this is already pretty long

So in short, I think the titans during life were big but only got island sized after death, otherwise theyd have some wild biological mechanisms battling physics and them becomming bigger would explain where did most of the blood go after death. Not to mention how much food they would need

Planet:

Next the size of the planet. While we don't have many clues to determine whether it's bigger or smaller than Earth, one clue is Luz's lack of reaction to changing gravity after passing through the door. If the planet were larger (or denser I know), she would feel change in g-force, so like the feeling of being on a lift going up in case of bigger planet or down in case of smaller. If the diffrence was significant she would develop issues with circulatory system and fatigue. But thats not the case and I do not have the energy to calculate min change xD

So let's say the planet is Earth-sized. This is still a lot. We don't know if there are any continents on the planet or their sizes, but even if there were same like earth, the scale is immense. If the Boiling Isles were the size of New York (based on titan's height) or even larger, say the size of Hawaii, compared to the world map, that's tiny. If Earh is 510 100 000 km², while NYC covers 1213,3 km² to cover the same area, we'd need 420423 titans lied up neatly next to each other. And thats if they are isles sized their whole life. There can also be landmasses where they can lay on, oceans deep enough to cover bodies, they can be stacked.... I don't think the planet necessarily needs to be much larger to accommodate creatures of this size

TOH as a show:

One thing to remember while analyzing shots from the show is that we we will run into contradictions because it's a show, one that is not focused on speculative biology. While most elements are well-constructed, some details may show inconsistencies. For example, determining the direction of north on a titan becomes challenging when one shot shows the sun setting in one direction and later another. Finding the titan's height poses difficulties when one shot shows their arm reaching the atmosphere while another barely shows them reaching it while standing. But its not due to carelessness, its more about serving purpose of the shot, conveying the atmosphere. They both show the titans are giant, the view from above is beautiful and if they were more focused on keeping them some arbitrery size it might have taken away from it

And Im pretty sure that I'm wrong around a lot of aspects here, how it wasnt supposed to be interpreted like that or its more convoluted than I realize. Thats just my take on this. World we live in can seem small as we can only see a tiny part of it but Earth is so amazingly vast. It's larger than we can comprehend, and yet, it's nothing compared to the vastness of the universe. So, yeah, some of my thoughts on titans and the demon realms planet xD peace

#died during writitng this #i spend 6h on this i dont know why its already light outside #toh #the owl house #owl house #toh archivists #toh titans #toh papa titan #toh analysis #ask

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velarisdusk · 2 months ago

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Answer and then tag three or more creators to keep the game going!

Thank you @xxvalkyriesxx for the tag!! <3

1. How many words did you publish on AO3 in 2024?

this made me have to actually update my AO3 with all my fics lol so thank you for that. 168,286 🫣

2. How many fics did you complete this year?

47!!! lots of them were super short ones for kinktober but still very very proud of that wow

3. How many in progress or ongoing fics did you start this year?

3 >:)

4. What was your favorite thing you wrote?

im gonna give two because i cant choose and y'all just have to deal lol i LOVED Unveiled Pleasures, one of the Rhysand x Reader fics i wrote for kinktober. but ALSO i love the bat boys fic i just wrote, I slept with Someone in Wings of Illyria

5. What piece was your most experimental or different from your usual style?

Shadows at Twilight!! it's a nesta and azriel fic (not slash, just &, lol). it wasn't suuuper experimental i guess but still different from my usual stuff. it was the first fic i've ever written that wasn't slash, and i loved writing their big argument, i was really really fun :)

6. Did any fics surprise you - either while writing or their reception?

i wrote VWMT thinking it wasn't gonna be a huge deal, i posted it and didn't think about it for a while. and then the notes started coming in. and they still have not stopped 😭 i didn't like it a whole lot when i wrote it but so many people loved it and im so so grateful for that.

7. Do you have a fic you wrote and loved that went under the radar? (This is your sign to reblog/repost it!)

Held by a Whisper, a Tamlin x Reader angst fic. very short, very sweet, very sad. i love it with all my heart.

8. Who is an artist that inspired you?

i only recently started indulging bass player az, but it all started months ago when i saw this by elenana.art. last i saw, there were only 2 things in her au, but now there are more and i LOVE THEM AAAAA

9. Who is an author that inspired you?

there are a good few but most notably @azsazz, @rhysazriel, and @readychilledwine, they're all incredible authors :')

10. Who is a new author you discovered?

@highlordofkrypton !!!!!!! thank u for wildflowers it's what got me into tamsand i love them sm

11. Did you do any collaborations? How did it start?

No, none..... yet >:)

12. What accomplishments are you proudest of?

I FINISHED A SERIES!!!!!!! Breaking the Ice was originally gonna be just Ice Cold Jealousy, but a lot of people enjoyed it so i planned the whole thing out. usually once i plan a series i get sick of it and bored and i quit. BUT I FINISHED IT!!!!!!! and thats all thanks to you guys, if you all hadn't given me such wonderful feedback i definitely would've gotten sick of it haha

13. What did you learn about writing or creating this year?

i've had to learn to not get discouraged if something i really enjoyed writing doesnt do well. notes/hits/kudos/comments do not determine the quality of what's been written, i still have to remind myself of that. i've ALSO learned that i personally cannot write a whole fic and then post it once im done. i get burned out and discouraged and then i start to resent writing. it works for lots of peope and thats wonderful, just does not work for me :/

14. What is your advice?

get a beta reader omfg i swear it's like a lifehack its like youre CHEATING. i've been saved from so many embarrassing typos and repeated words

15. What are your creative goals for 2025?

man idk i just wanna keep writing. maybe i'll start and finish this az x reader series i thought of. i really think y'all will like it, i just wanna make sure ive got the foundations of it before i start posting lol

if you'd like to, @halo-hanging, @rhysazriel, @highlordofkrypton, @acoazlove @inkedinshadows @scorpioriesling <33 if not, no pressure, and happy new year!! <3 :)

#tag game #<3

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peachhcs · 3 months ago

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https://www.tumblr.com/peachhcs/767959888939941888/httpswwwtumblrcompeachhcs767185748593164288

don’t apologize love writing takes time!

i love them and so glad they are communicating well ! i see will just taking more time to reassure making sure she feels a bit better more and maybe he starts calling her first more just to talk more and it helps a lot

maybe because she is hurt and cant play she comes to visit will for while doing some of her school online and it helps them a lot

part 10!! wow i can’t believe this accumulated so many parts. i think i’m gonna split this into two and make samy visiting will in california it’s own post if that’s ok and that’s what y’all want :) so sorry this one is a bit shorter than the others 😖

au masterlist

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9

it’d been almost three weeks since samy’s shoulder injury. she was getting a lot better every week and pt was for sure helping, but she still couldn’t play. the doctors hadn’t cleared her yet, so instead, the brunette was stuck doing what little she could at practice like legs or any footwork the coach had the girls work on.

she was bit discouraged because it was the first time since she started soccer that she couldn’t play every single day. it wasn’t something samy was used to, especially being so stationary all the time.

she left practice early wednesday night after not having anything to do. hannah was still in class when samy got into their apartment and that’s when her phone started loudly vibrating in her backpack.

“what the hell,” the soccer player cursed to herself as she dropped her backpack onto the ground and began rummaging through it.

she got her hands on her phone in the second pocket, her slight frustration turning to happiness when she saw will’s name on the screen.

“hi, will,” samy smiled when his face appeared.

“hey, pretty. what are you doing?” the blonde wondered while samy shuffled into her room to talk.

“came back from practice early today. there wasn’t a lot i could do today, so i just left,” the brunette shrugged, falling back onto her bed.

“i’m sorry. how’s the shoulder?”

“it’s fine. i guess i’m just bored and wish i could be playing instead of sitting around all day,” the two shared a frown at her words.

“have you tried doing other things that don’t involve using your arms? walking? running?” will suggested.

“yeah, but it bores me really quickly. i think i need things that are high intensity and quick moving. walking is a bit too slow for me,” samy chuckled to herself.

“figures. you did grow up doing the most contact, quick moving sports.”

“how are you though? how’s everything?” samy changed the subject. she didn’t really like talking about herself that much so she always made it a point to ask will about his day.

“i’m good. practice has been long, but it’s been fine. i miss you,” will hummed and that made the girl smile. even though they did just see each other about two and a half weeks ago, they’ll always miss one another no matter how much time passed since last time.

“i’m glad everything’s going well. coach didn’t kill you too hard for just leaving without a word?”

“no..not really. i do have to, uh, clean the rink after every practice for the next like month, but hey i’ll take it,” the blonde shrugged and it always amazed samy how nonchalant will could be about hockey sometimes because if that were her, she’d probably be freaking out more.

“well, i admire your coolness about it. thanks for coming to visit again, by the way. i liked seeing you and hopefully we can see one another again soon,” the brunette grinned.

“you know, i’ve actually been kind of thinking about that. since you aren’t really playing because of your shoulder..i was wondering if you..wanted to take that opportunity to come to san jose for the first time since you and my mom and sister dropped me off here?” will asked like he was asking his mom to let him spend the night at someone’s house when he was younger.

a flush rose to samy’s cheeks, “like..come to san jose? i-i don’t really have money or anything..”

“i’ll buy your ticket,” the boy immediately cut in.

“i can’t ask you to do that. we’ve talked about this, will,” samy flushed some more.

“i know, i know, but i figured it could take your mind off of things for a weekend? i can show you around san jose some more, we can do whatever you want really. plus, i have the money. i don’t mind. i wanna see you,” will explained his reasoning making samy’s flush turn into a pink blush on her cheeks.

“i wanna see you too. you really don’t mind buying my ticket? i..i don’t wanna make you think i’m like relying on you to do that..”

“baby, i promise you’re not. i want to. let me buy it for you and anything else you want when you come visit?” will cheered and samy rolled her eyes.

“maybe not that far, but i guess a trip to san jose won’t hurt. i have been trying to figure out when i can come visit you,” a smile crept its way onto will’s lips the more samy’s decision leaned to yes.

“exactly. let me at least take some of the burden off of you by buying your plane ticket.”

it seemed to be decided as the brunette slowly gave in. her smile turned into a grin and so did will’s seeing her pretty face. “okay, okay, i’ll come visit. next weekend i have no tests or anything to worry about,” the hughes decided.

“yes! i knew i could convince you. i’ll buy them right now,” will exclaimed and the girl giggled as she watched her boyfriend open up his laptop.

“i love you,” samy hummed.

“i love you, too,” will blew her a kiss through the phone which samy caught. she held her hand to her heart and giggled when will spun his computer around to show her the tickets he was thinking about buying.

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ira-online · 24 days ago

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followed for succession posts or a funny reply you made then i saw you liked raul esparza and the deal was sealed

a fellow taste haver i see..... i have been a diehard raúl fan ever since hannibal premiered (only the og oomfs remember my hannibal days, yall know who you are) and like....

unrelated rant incoming sorry i need to talk about this to someone and this is my inbox so no one can stop me

raúl is not exactly unpopular but i feel like he is underappreciated by most fans because hes not just good at playing sassy assholes and hes not just an insanely talented singer (i have the "four time tony nominee raúl esparza" mp3 somewhere on my old blog. god it has been so long ago) but hes also an openly queer latino man who had a really rough time when he was young* and.... he is pretty much the one and only big broadway actor who remains ignored by the tony awards despite everything he and sondheim did together.... four time tony fucking nominee. there is only one (1) person more iconic than he is when it comes to broadway and you know full well who she is

related because i said so: he only other person i respect more than raúl when it comes to broadway is javi muñoz. if you like raúl you HAVE to watch javi in shadowhunters or hear him perform as hamilton or at least read an interview of his.. they are both latino queers from a difficult background except raúl is cubano and javi is puerto rican......

(please dm me if you want raúl tea or h*milton tea. on my knees begging. no one remembers any of my stories and my blog has been hidden from search results until right around my succession phase started so i was never "fandom famous" but i have been there in 2013-2017 and whatever was happening to me was channeled into a desperate obsession with older fags. if you know you know, if you dont you werent neck deep inside the fandom at the same time, which most people werent)

EDIT i mixed up javis nationality by accident, i fixed the post rn so it says he's puerto rican but just in case if you saw my mistake

whatever im just yapping. if you like raúl please do me a favour and look up any of javiers interviews or a performance thats up on youtube, or watch shadowhunters. i wouldnt still be alive if not for both of them; they are very different people but while broadway is full of semi closeted fags these two are the ones i respect the most. i am extremely normal about raúl and ive been planning to get a quote of his tattooed for around a decade now. if you search his name on my old blog you will see pretty much everything that was in public access about raúl at the time. the stuff that is not exactly in public access i rarely if ever talked about, and obviously didnt post about it on tumblr dot com. dm me if you wanna chat, theres a lot of things i cant say in a public ask that are pretty much common knowledge if youre into broadway

*for those unaware, one of raúls first serious male partners died young and also while he and his ex wife stayed on good terms (because michelle is a sweetheart and raúl is not a bitter person despite everything) they had a difficult time dealing with raúls being bisexual and some other stuff i would rather not talk about outside of dms

#anon you wanna dm me soooo bad....#asks #anon #long post

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heavysighing-dreamyeyes · 4 months ago

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HELLO rae it is me again !!!💞💞💞

Theres something that gets me thinking when im reading about Jason which is the differences between Jason and AK!Jason

Its kinda similar to that post you made a while ago about how they are different people and therefore will act differently and that is sooo true

Like first of all, the part of his death

I like how its that thing that completely changes Jason because while Jason's rage was [intensified] from the Lazarus Pit — hallucinations, physical and mental modification and just an overall change in youre whole being, he never really changed being the way he is

But AK!Jason is driven completely by emotions, its ten times more raw and fragile since he never died in the first place, so there was no mysterious magic soup that changed his brain chemistry, he got instead (by his words) filled with rage and pain that he cant take it out of him, since basically he grew up with all the torture from his teens to adult life basically (When the human brain is developing!! How nice!!)

AND THEN MY DEAR I SAY HOW whilst Jason did die, he came back to life, he was given a second chance to live again, whereas AK!Jason cant, because he never died, yet he was killed in the most brutal way known to man, so he was killed and left like that, like something hollow sent out to the world to survive.

Jason chose his path by himself, although it'd be hard, he could (and did in a way) go back to his family, but he doesnt agree with Bruce's methods of doing things so he decided to do it the way he deems effective.

On the other hand, AK!Jason never wanted to be in that cell confined for years knowing nothing else but pain, and no one knew that AK!Jason was alive either but he believed people just thought so because they abandoned him. He was completely on his own and saw no other choice but to do what he had to do.

I guess its also why i like AK!Jason x reader fanfics a lot, i think its interesting how people insert a character into the life of someone who feels so beyond help. Thats also why youre my fav AK!jason writter honestly

ANYWAY THATS JUST RAMBLES BEFORE BED BYE RAE TAKE CARE OF URSELF 🥰🥰💋💋💋

Hello, nonnie! I always love seeing your thoughts! oo, okay, I'll have to do a whole other post on my thoughts on pit madness and fandom vs canon, cause I could go on for ages. But that's besides the point. (idk if it'll be an popular opinion so I'll just keep that to myself for now lol)

I could talk about AK vs Jason for hours too. (I have and will again) I looove what you said about how AK never got to live again, because he never really died!! It's so visceral.

Here's this boy who everyone thinks is dead. They moved on, found ways to cope and 'honor' his memory. But he's not dead. He's not dead and every piece of vile trash Gotham has ever spit it out is taking out their aggression on him for months and months.

Even with all the awful and the abuse and things that make you sick to think about, he has hope. He believes Batman is going to come from him, that if he's brave enough and holds out for long enough, he'll be saved. Until he doesn't. Until there's a new Robin.

And if Jason isn't Robin? If he isn't struggling and fighting to withstand torture as Robin? Then what is he doing? What's the point? Is he even anything now other than what Joker says he is?

Both Jasons had hope. But AK is the one that had it wrenched away from his hands one broken finger after another. Truly, he was broken down until he had nothing left and all there was what Joker made of him.

Except that's not quite true. He still had the strength to escape, still was able to make a deal with Deathstroke, still was able to claw and scratch and turn himself into something new.

It's why I adore him. There's something about the indominable human spirit he portrays and continues to portray. He could have won, during Arkham Knight, he could have let Scarecrow torment Batman on live TV and he could have used every skill and coin and connection he had to take over Gotham. But at the core of who he is, Jason Todd is good.

So, he helps, both Jasons do. It doesn't matter if you agree if what he does is right or how he does it is moral. He saves people, he cleans up the streets, and he does it all from the view of a victim who doesn't want anyone to be able to commit the horrors that were committed to them.

And now if you add the reader into the mix of all of that? Someone he loves? Somewhere between that cell in Arkham and him donning the suit, I think those feelings are going to get twisted. It's not that he loves you any less, it's just that it feels different. Love turns into a desire to possess, and not out of a need to stifle who you are, but out of a need to keep you safe.

He's seen the worst of Gotham, god forbid that ever comes near you. He's going to do whatever it takes to ensure you remain untouched, and untainted, even by him.

#I'm honored to be your fav ak writer #I love him very much #rae rambles about jason and the reader #ak!jason todd meta #asks #💙

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lucidicer · 6 months ago

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Calling out only black blogs who’ve voiced opinions you don’t like isn’t a good look. Cinamun addressed that issue exactly

ive only just seen the post from cinamun addressing that thanks to a friend sending it to me. genuinely cant speak on what aggressive anons people are referring to ive personally only seen neutral and informative things being sent but it wouldnt shock me too much to see that.

if you've been following me for a while youll know ive called out ai use before inzoi was even known on simblr, not that long ago i posted someone elses post made with ai in a negative way and let ppl know who it was in the tags. the only reason i decided to mention their users was because last time people got annoyed not seeing who had posted what i shared which is understandable tbf. this isnt the first time ive ranted abt bad takes ive seen on this website. im pretty outspoken when it comes to things i find disagreeable. i havent cherry picked these posts i saw them back to back on my dash and decided to post abt them because they misrepresented what the discussion is actually about and took away from the seriousness of it and especially since folkling was a mutual it was disappointing to read. im well aware that anti blackness is prevalent in this space as it is in almost every other online space and i can understand why it could've come across like that in hindsight. my intentions with the post had nothing to do with race or shitting on black creators in particular but i obviously cant ask you to just blindly believe me considering the track record for ppl on this site.

however this doesnt change how i feel in regards to their posts, i never sent either of them anything. i saw the posts and just blocked before giving my take like i always tend to do and will continue to do.

#took my time trying to answer this as best as i could in a timely manner #hope this clears anything up #olli.txt #asks

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mikeyswayy · 4 months ago

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hey, uh. hi. yeah. sorry i dont know why im doing this. im pretty sure youre dead. god i hope you arent. maybe this is just the digital form of visiting someones grave eh? yeah, i dunno. its lonely without you. keep wanting to tag you in things, god i fucking wish i could still tag you in things. i was a little scared to send this one, even just to write it, but id rather you be alive and proving me a fool for writing this than dead. maybe with my luck the universe’ll wanna make me look stupid so bad that ur actually fine. i miss you. ive been waiting the past few days you know that? waiting to be wrong waiting for you to come back waiting for this to be like the other times, but its been four days now. i just. i hope you found peace man, i hope if you are dead its better than anything ever was back here, you deserve it.

while im here i figure i may as well catch you up on everything goin on, not anywhere near as good as getting to freak out about it on here with you but i think its the best im gonna get. so basically a couple days ago frank posted five random dates in the shape of the mcr logo and that was. jesus frank. the dates are 11/13, 2/16, 3/7, 2/24, and 12/6. i now live in fear. and then today the official mcr account posted a picture with a background that looks reminiscent of paper kingdom, oh god, 150 peices of,, ash? confetti?? falling down over large red letters that spell out a backwards k and then cr. so basically. going insane over if this is mcr5 or not. fuck youll never get to see mcr5 will you? fucking scary, feels wrong to get excited about it without you. i hope youre okay, i really fucking hope youre okay and all this is for nothing i hope youre in the hospital because soneone found you before it was too late and you just cant have your phone because of it, i hope you didnt even do anything and youre just staying off tumblr just anything, please, fuck man you have to be okay alright?? im scared, i really miss you, i know we werent that close or even close at all but you mean do much to me alright i need you i need you to be fine. i hope you see this. oh, on the topic of not being close, i uh. never learned your real name. i made a small patch with your username and put it in the left breast pocket of my coat, i hope thats alright. wanted you close to me and all

i think thats it, so uh. this is goodbye i suppose. i didnt get to say goodbye before. saw your post 2 hours late. it hurts, i try not to get too caught up in the what ifs though. its hard. so goodbye friend, until next time. i hope to see you again. i love you.

I'm not dead!

I'm sorry I scared you like really badly but I'm okay

What happened was I like almost didn't but I didn't go deep enough to do any real harm to myself

I cut a little but not the full way so I'm fine but if I had went all the way I would probably be gone bc no one did like come in my room for a while after

I've just been staying off of here and not really posting because I didn't really think anyone would really care if I was dead or not

But I know you do

Also I really appreciate you saying what's been happening with MCR thank u

I know abt everything but still u telling me is really sweet, thank you

The patch is really nice, thank you

I feel like doing something similar since u did that and I probably scared the living shit out of you so yeah something with ur user maybe idk is that weird idk

I love you too man

I'm really sorry for scaring you I just didn't know what to do that day and I'm sorry for not really posting anything after that 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

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gojoest · 5 months ago

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I'm still so tired, jet lag is a real thing 😭

Went to japan last week, this was actually my 2nd time. The first time was when I was still in uni, about 19/20 years old? Which was a while ago 😅

If anyone is planning to go japan, do NOT go during september or the summer if you cant handle humid heat. It got as high as 36°C and it was unbearable! The sun is so hot and air was so thick 😭 Nearly died, I've never used my asthma pump so much before lol

Anyways, enough about that! I was lucky enough to visit 3 cities! Tokyo, Osaka and Kyoto ✨

In Tokyo, visited the Meiji Shrine, went up Tokyo Tower, went to a jjk0 themed cafe, tbh this was kind of a let down. It was just a cafe with like the official cafe photos plastered on the walls and themed food. I was expecting it to be more like those kpop group cafes with standees and like a table of official merch to take photos with. I did buy a satoru acrylic stand and a keychain gacha. When I opened the gacha pack, it was CHIBI SATORU 😭💙💙💙💙 I was so happy! Made the whole trip worth it ✨ Also went Shibuya Crossing! Last time I went, it was already busy back then but omg, this time, its waaaaaaay more busier! Like the streets were full, there were no gaps in between people. You just had to keep moving to your destination (No wonder kenjaku chose this place 😭)

In Osaka, went Dotonbori, Denden town, and Sumiyoshi Shrine. Idk if you know about this very popular store called Don Quiote, but Bruno Mars is promoting it, and he has an ad/song that plays on tvs throughout the store. It was so random to see him but then again, he does have that Las Vegas debt to pay off 🤭🤭

Kyoto 💖 This place has my heart 🥰 Its so beautiful and relaxing. So easy to travel, everyone there is so lovely, the food is delicious, the landmarks are breath-taking. If I ever go back, I would stay there longer. I visited the famous Fushimi Inari Shrine, Tenryuuji Temple and Kiyomizu-dera - which the tokyo jujutsu tech college is (supposedly) based on!

I had such a great time! Spent so much on food and souvenirs, I am now broke, but worth it 🤣

I hope you've been doing well Ai, I saw some posts about someone/some people bothering you. Don't let them get to you, you're such a lovely person, I can't even imagine why they would send hate to you. Always put yourself first, and if that means taking breaks from tumblr or turning off anon, then do what you need to. Be selfish, and take care of yourself before anyone else.

If you ever decide to permanently turn off anon, I will literally make an account for satorus soft cock anon to keep interacting with you 🤣

Love you loads girl 😘💙💙💙💙

- satorus soft cock anon

i hope you were able to rest beloved, i can only imagine the toll it’s taken on your body :( but on the bright side, you’ve made so many precious memories!!!

i will note this down! i love summer and i usually don’t have issues dealing with heat but humid heat is an entirely different story 😭 glad you’re safe and sound though, please take care of yourself 🥺🤍

i want to visit japan so bad, the two cities i’d die to see are tokyo and kyoto and reading about your experience there makes me all the more excited >~< (side note, you’re a lucky one for getting chibi satoru waaaaaaah, it must be fate actually and not luck, i swear!! he was meant to be in your possession heheh)

i am sitting here, reading and vigorously taking notes of what to see and where to go AHAHAH i am so happy for you, glad you had such a lovely time there and thank you for dropping by to share your experience and impressions 🤍

i have been well! i appreciate your kind words so much, you and other lovely ppl like you make being here worth it all the more! love you and sending the biggest ever hug your way 🤍

#[ ai—mail ]#satoru’s soft cock anon <3

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greasydumbfuck · 9 months ago

Text

stupid incoherent post and also personal opinion alert but

a while ago i said to a few people jokingly "yeah well comic frank has these funny things called redeeming qualities" and while one person just went "yah 2017 frank sucks" because we watch the show together and also piss drunk, the OTHER person said "yeah thats the point of the 2017 one" which. Idk i have not thought about that because it didnt occur to me as a thing that could happen. and he's seen the entire show vs me whos only seen 4 episodes so he knows things i dont right. now i know that 2017 frank also has some redeeming qualities later on sure but whenever he does something thats meant to make you go "oh hes actually so complex as a character he contains multitudes" i just dont. trust him? i guess? in doing it? like i dont trust he does or says that with honesty.

but anyway with that out of the way the brief talk i had with that other person about this lead to me thinking that there is a slight difference in how a certain theme is portrayed? because he said "yeah thats the trope they wrote him to be, hes hurting the people he wants to save because hes overtaken by vengence" and like yeah right thats who the punisher is in general as a character thats the point partially but. the 2017 version seems to handle it in a very different way? sort of? or maybe its just the vibes i get but i feel like with comic frank the innocents that get hurt because of him are never *directly* because of him. its still the fault of his actions but its either because he drags them into situations (if were talking people who willingly associate with him) OR because the butterfly effect of his actions leads to situations where innocents he doesn't even know exist get hurt. and he doesnt even ever feel like he would hurt an innocent person on purpose, while 2017 frank has the vibe of a man who WOULD and i cant tell you why just something about the way hes written i guess i feel like he would throw a baby at someone. overall im never a fan of writing in shows aimed at adults because the jokes are never funny and its only ever "haha sex" which only worked for me in cyberpunk because there it was actually funny in a very stupid way.

this isnt a serious post or an analysis or anything its just me rambling about how i feel bc something about "yeah hes supposed to have very little redeemding qualities, thats how they wrote him" and "yeah he does feel like hed throw a random person under the bus for his mission" made me think incoherent thoughts. like sure frank castle is never meant to be actually redeemable thats not what i mean i just mean that it feels like the other versions are irredeemable but sympathetic. because of the redeeming qualities. like you look at him and you think wow this guy is a terrible person but also there are things about him that are undeniably good, while in the 4 episodes of the 2017 show my thoughts ended as wow this guy is a terrible person. and i dont have extensive punisher knowledge or anything i just really like what i got so far both as a concept and narrative but also in a personal way too so my opinion may be stupid idk

point being if i was a hostage and saw comic frank id be relieved bc while i may still die i will know hes gonna try his best while if i saw 2017 frank i would be just as if not more distressed

#marvel #frank castle #the punisher #or maybe my dad and i just suck at media literacy fuck if i know man #but he nodded and agreed with me while i rambled about how HE WOULD NOT FUCKING DO THAT so i believe him #sorry if this is a stupid post i cant. i cant think. not really. i just feel things #and the thing i feel is beef with the 2017 show. im willing to talk about this or like listen about this i guess?#idk if someone who knows more can figure this out with me that could be fun ig

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imraespace · 6 months ago

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warninf this ask is very long…….. i yapped a lil too hard im sorry ☹️🙏

HIHIIH HELP I JUST SAW YOUR POST I ACTUALLY DONT KNOW HOW I HAVE THE PATIENCE FOR IT like for my first bachisagi animation i.. was doing that for a full 15 hours..! not my proudest moment but i was dedicated. i got 35 likes #VIRAL!!! stop im so salty about it 💔

and then i made an itoshi brothers angst animation it got a little more attention in a short amount of time but it still ended with like.. 37 likes HELPME STOP I WAS SO DEDICATED AND IT WAS KINDA FUN ☹️ like as i rewatch it like obviously i can see mistakes that i would probably be able to fix now but it took like 3-4 days to actually finish so thats.. 💔💔

and then we have other animations that i dont even wanna consider thinking about bc forgot but i remember doing a nagireo one and it was 3 imgs BUT I DID IT SO QUICKLY THAY WAS THE PEAK OF MY ERASING CAREER. i got 42 liked hashtag ated hahstag egoist

so now im working on the sae mala thing that like you suggested but the fanart im tweening on is like i dont even know i just dont wanna do it bc i spend more time erasing and getting hair particles and atoms that i somehow only see when im actually finally animating.. 💔

okay wait back to the usual daily rant HIHHIIHIHI HOW ARE YOU POCKY I SCTUALLY CUT CARROTS IN MY COOKING CLASS TOFAY i think i did smth to my thumb bc it hurts so much pelase icanr do thid i cant even type properly im still shaking AND IT WAS LEGIT 30 MINUTES AGO HELP

bluelock friend irl like that person i met theyre a little strange to be fair bc they were like “youre so pookie i wanna just squish you and throw you out the window” and i thought it was funny so i laughed but the more i think about it the more im liek WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN HELPHAHAAHAH like i reallt dont care that they said that but i feel weird around them sometimes bc theyre really unpredictable and i legit only see them at school but we dont actuallt text?? im more of a texter (as you can see..) than an irl convo person like im the type of person who would talk to someone for like 8+ hours online but then once i see them irl i just slowly turn around and walk away when i see them bc IM TOO AWKWARD 💔💔 but i do still wave at them

OH THAT REMINDS ME ABOUT WAVING yk that one scene in episode nagi (?) i think its in episode nagi where kurona is like “lets devour japanese soccer chomp chomp” and he does that w his hand I BASICALLY DO THAT BUT WITH WAVING?? i used to do like a different type of wave like basically i put all fingers except thumb down and would do that repeatedly IDK WHAT THAT WAVE IS CALLED HELP but ive adapted it into the kurona chomp chomp thing somehow. OH AND WHENEVER I DO THAT I ALSO GO UP TO THE PERSON AND LIKE INTERTWINE?? fingers w them and im like HIII and i wave while holding their hand 😈 call it an excuse to hold hands w people but it ends up being torture for them bc i force them to never let go

BUT ANYWys when i did the kurona thing it kinda.. looks like smth else so bluelock irl friend has a weird view to it like bro please let me just devour japanese soccer like kurona 👿‼️‼️

OKAYAYA DAILY QUESTION ISSS UMMM since im in the library rn which bluelock character would be the worst librarian ever and probably end up ripping all the books by accident while putting them all back on the shelves or lose all the books somehow

- 🐙

I love the yapnation asks dw

OH THANK GOODNWAS BC IM ABT TI PELT MY PHONE why the flock I chose to animate 4 pictures bro LIKE I'll probably do the two ans loop it.. BUT THE ACTUAL EDIT I WANT IS WITH 4 PICTURES but I'll do that like when I have patience to redo it yk! ALSO SO LITTLE WHAT THE FLIP that's so frustrating I hate it I'm rn looking at my old edits and i cab relate there's one with 50 likes and one with 40 AND I REMEMBERED STAYING UP SO LATE DOING THAT the only highest edit I made that's tweening is a kaeya edit with like 200 likes 😒

ALSO HELP IKR all the small details that only I gonna see but it's fun to do! after all the hair pulling work seeing it come to life is so hehehehhe🤭🤭🤭 yk!!

HAII IM hot (😉😉😉) but no like it's hot and I'm gonna melt into a blob also I'm hungry! TODAY IN SCHOOL my typing class was nawt it I hatd that teacher sm AND.I HAVE A TRIPLW TOMORROW OHMYG9SHHHH bro as soon as I heard the bell ring my heart dropped to my pinky toe today... THEN SHE STARTED YELLING IN CLASS AND SHE CALLED A STUDENT AN IDIOT ans I was dumbfounded I thought i was next BC YK MY LAPTOP CHARGER BROKE SO I CANT DO MY HW so when I had to tell her I was like "miss" ANS SHE YELLED OUT MY LAST NAME I ALMLSTED TRIPPEd AND WHEN I TOLD HER SHE WAS STARING AT ME LIKE 😐 SO I STARRD AT THE FLOOR then she was like okay. THEN OGGOSH IDK IF SHE DEAF OR HARD IN HEARING BUT EVERYTIME WE RESPOND TO HER SHES LIKE "EH?" LIKE OPEN YOUR EARS then that's when she called the student an idiot and started yelling at her and I almosted cried for her... SHE STARTED CRYING AND I FELT BAD but then bell ran and everyone dipped and I HAD TO BE THE SLOW ASS TO LEAVE THE CLASS BUT EVERYONE RUSHING LIKE CALM DOEN DANG I DONT WAN A BE IN HERE WITH HER AND SHE WAS RANTING TO ME and I was like yah..! then we told our homeroom teacher hehehehhe um I drew a bone in bio today. that's all I have to say abt how I'm feeling!

anyways your strange friend sayings sounds like something I'll tell my friends and theyre always like "oh.." like whag🙄🙄🙄 accept my love! but fr half of the time it doesn't even make sense and I'll ask me self wtf am I talking abt

SAME IM A TEXTER AS WELL bc the things I say online I won't say irl like I don't even swear irl and it's not like I can't say it bc my mommy doesn't mind it BUT IM SCARED TO SAY IT? once I said ass on accident bc I was reading something out loud to my mommy and I was like gasp! and she was like what🤨 AND I TOLD HER I SAID ASS and all she said was ok. my favorite thing to do online is swear at someone in dialect bc I can get more creative since its the locals! my favorite one is "hyc" and I won't share with the class what it means bc.. it's kinda head scratching.

I WOULD SAY SAME BUT I WONT WALK AWAY ILL JJST WAVE AND SMILE IF THEY SMILE AT ME but if they don't then I'm blanking you

OMG I DO THAT AND I ALSO like move my fingers separately in a down movement IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT AND IT STARTED OFF AS A JOKE BUT now it's a habit and half of the time no one knows that I'm actually waving.. BC THEY WILL STARE AND SMILE

HELP INTERTWINE FINGERS? also I agree devour them! chomp chomp

ERM ERM shidou HELP or otoya

#imraesrandom #imraes inbox !#- 🐙anon #imraespace -♡

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rayesgenesis · 6 months ago

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i saw your post asking for requests, i hope this is something that inspires but its of course totally fine if not!

i was thinking, uma and mal x reader poly (absolutely cool if you dont do that, just uma is fine then) and fem!ak!reader is trying out for the tourney team right after the barrier is taken down so everything in auradon is changing, but the coach/existing team members dont want to let just one random girl try out

…but they cant say no to literally THE uma and mal, who decide to try out with reader to support her (they dont really actually wanna be on the team, but u can decide if they end up really liking it! ((i think itd really funny if badass icon mal kinda sucks at tourney 😭 while her gfs r absolutely wiping the floor w the other contestants in tryouts)))

TRIPLE THREAT

a/n: tysm for this request!! i’ve never done a poly fic so it’s a first.. lemme know if you like itt 💌 i had so much fun writing it & i tried to keep it cutesy while being very demure and very mindful

who? uma x mal x fem!ak reader

warnings; shit description of a tourney game, barely proofread this

wc: 1.19k

summary: the tourney team tried to stop you from trying out.. not on your girlfriends’ watch.

anything is possible. that’s how you felt like when the barrier came down. you were always taught that it was a fantasy, there wouldn’t be such thing as villains & heroes sharing the same space anymore. it wasn’t right. yet, here you were, relieved to see the barrier brought down.

you were mainly excited for your girlfriends, uma and mal, to finally achieve something that was both a pat on the back and a way to give hope to people. a step towards change. it was inspiring.

this very feeling of hope hung in the air over the following weeks, leading you to the school’s tourney team tryouts. you always wished you could play tourney however it was a sport full of men. no such thing as a women’s team yet. and they were finally hosting tryouts for the new season. besides, with all these incoming students from the isle, it was only right to give everyone a fair chance.

you just hoped it applied to you too.

once on the field, you felt very alone amongst the other candidates. you almost talked yourself out of this as you felt the guys’ stares. you were the only girl there. maybe it wasn’t worth the humiliation.

when chad called out your name, he brought the call sheet closer to his face, making sure he read that right. you took a deep breath before stepping forward with clenched fists and chad looked even more confused.

"beautiful. uh, why are you..here?"

"i’m here for the tryouts." you made sure to act as natural as possible.

chad laughed. he usually did when he thought someone made a joke he didn’t understand.

"what’s so funny about that, chad?"

your head turned at the sound of the female voice emerging from the crowd. it was mal. she had been so busy lately, you hadn’t expected her to remember you trying out for the team when you mentioned it in passing a couple nights ago, but she did. she was there with you and you could finally breathe properly. once you could make out her figure, you couldn’t stop beaming.

she came to stand right by your side, her eyes quickly glancing at you while giving your hand a squeeze before returning her narrowed eyes on the boy.

"sorry…" he winced, pretending to apologize. "we just don’t do girls.."

another voice cut him off.

"and why is that?"

you couldn’t help but smirk to yourself when uma’s voice chimed in. it was almost no surprise that she showed up as well. whenever mal was around, uma wasn’t far away and neither were you. your doubts slowly faded away.

"who’s talking now?"

"i said why is that, don’t make me repeat myself." uma’s signature assertiveness came through and your smirk widened. her tone was threatening yet composed, but everyone could feel it. chad started stammering and coach jenkins came around.

"hey, hey, hey now. what’s all this." chad mumbled in his ear quickly and the coach looked up at you. he gestured for chad to stop chirping in his ear before speaking up again.

"you know we can’t let you do that miss."

you scoffed. "you can’t let me try out for the team? that’s ridiculous! you haven’t even seen what i can do!"

still, coach shook his head and your shoulders slightly slumped. behind your back, uma and mal gave eachother a quick look before speaking.

"we’ll try out with her." uma announced. you looked back at them and mouthed what are you doing. neither of them answered you they just kept on going.

"yeah, if she’s no good then by all means, never let her be near a tourney field ever again. but if she’s amazing, which she is, you gotta let her on the team. whatever the rules from whatever ancient book might say." mal added, just as confident.

everyone turned to look at the coach, who was considering their proposition. he couldn’t risk upsetting the two girls who helped bringing all these new students.

"alright, fine. you can all tryout for team. " he asked chad to go get you, mal and uma some uniforms so you could get changed. you finally turned around to face them with raised eyebrows.

"guys…. what was that?" you chuckled.

"don’t worry about it." uma said. you looked at mal and she winked at you. you rolled your eyes but you were melting at them supporting you like that. your arms extended and they came to hug you.

"i’m so glad you’re here." you whispered.

once you all got in the attire, your eyes lingered on your girlfriends, trying to commit to mind how hot they both looked right now. mal turned around and caught you staring. your eyes diverted quickly. she smirked.

"by the way, you look really good in that jersey babe" a warm feeling spread all over your face and you tried to not smile but you couldn’t. your girlfriends’ words always had that effect on you.

your mind was still on that comment when you started running laps, doing sit-ups & push ups. then you moved onto technical skills by throwing, passing, defending and shooting. which you had to admit, uma was pretty good at. mal though, not so much.

finally, came the mock-game. one goal. that’s all it was going to take for you to get in.

mal retired to the side to cheer you and uma on. she quickly understood that she was way better at watching tourney than actually playing it. she also had a hard time not burning the whole field to the ground with those flying projectiles being thrown at her.

once the whistle was blown, you looked to uma who was about to make a pass at you. the ball was in your hands, and you ran like hell towards the other end of the field. your technique was so precise, you were able to avoid/escape the other guys’ attempt to corner you and stop you from scoring. the other team members were whispering to eachother on the side, visibly surprised by your performance.

when you actually scored, you yelled from the top of your lungs. it was a cry, really. you couldn’t keep it in anymore. uma ran towards you and you jumped on her. she spun you around to celebrate and when you came down, you pecked her lips with your hands on her cheeks. you kissed mal as well when she ran and jumped on you.

after your little celebration, your eyes all went to coach jenkins. you tried to hold in the giant smirk that threatened to overtake your whole expression. after a beat, he smiled.

"you’re in."

you shrieked and celebrated with your girlfriends once more. you felt like you paved a way for something somehow, but you tried to not think about it too much.

on your way towards the cheerleaders locker room uma spoke up.

"i get why you like it. this is actually the most fun i’ve had in a while." she admitted. you were surprised to hear her say that.

"yeah? you should join the team. you’re really good, uma." you said.

"yeah, maybe."

#uma x reader #mal x reader #x you #descendants x reader #descendants imagine #umal #mal descendants #descendants #uma descendants #mal imagine #disney descendants #umaledit #descendants fandom #umal fic #uma x mal x reader #uma imagine #disney #disney channel #descendants trilogy

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autisticlee · 1 year ago

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a fewish years ago (maybe 4) I learned what DID is and about systems and plurality all that stuff. I met a few systems and even befriended one. I learned a but through just talking to them, but they're so lovely and I loved them a lot, so I did research to get to know them better. I felt like I could somehow relate quite a bit to a lot of the stuff, not all, but wasn't sure how to put it into words. I tried to words to my friend, but they said it sounds different from their experience so it's not DID. I agreed and pushed it to the back of my mind. I didn't want to say the wrong thing and offend them if i tried to drag it on. especially since I couldn't figure out how to words. they told me about some of their experience and knowledge. they knew they were a system and switched with alters for most of their life and others thought they were playing pretend.

I just shared a brain with some weird little guys that I called "characters" for lack of better word that I sometimes was? but might have just made them up? and conversed with them but also was them? like they were a mask I put on? but not willingly like playing pretend? and they're still here? but what if it is all pretend? see, words are hard.

(this got very long rambly so I hide it here)

on twitter in the autism community I was browsing through, I saw many systems. some of their posts about their alters and stuff felt relatable but I wasn't sure how or still. there was a mutual I had who posted about "choosing" to be a system? or finding one something idk. anyway, they told me one day they're a system now so I might not be talking to "them" sometimes, because they have multiple "thems" basically. so I thought oh, why don't I try talking to this person about my experience, since they're new to this and trying to figure themselves out. maybe we can learn together or something. I said something like you might be talking to different "mes" as well, but i'm still trying to figure out if i'm imagining it or my brain is just very inconsistent or something.

instead of getting a curious or kind or reciprocal response like I expected, they instead got very offended. they told me to research about systems and stuff because I clearly knew nothing. then immediately tried to end the conversation, but i continued. I told them I did a bunch of research already after meeting my one close friend who is a system so I could learn about them and we talked about it together as well, which is how I realized I related, but my experience was a little different from theirs, so I'm now trying to figure out what that experience is and means. their response to that was just "......okay?" my turn to be offended.

that's such a rude response. I don't care if you thought I was trying to offend you or something. i was being sincere and honest and trying to open up because you're clearly more new to this than me (based on their posts I saw) so why not explore together, but they just 🙄 (especially offended that they posted about "choosing" to become a system, (my research resulted in you can't choose it tho? so idk) but then acted super rude to someone questioning??? the math isn't mathing with this one!) then after i didn't respond for a while, because how does one respond to that, they ended the conversation again saying they're going to bed. so I never spoke to them again because I don't appreciate people responding to me like that lmao. (cant remember specifics of the convo so it's very paraphrased but you get the idea)

this experience has just resulted in me not wanting to talk about this to anyone so I don't ~offend~ people by saying the wrong thing. i've seen other systems get mad at people questioning. since it seems most common to just know what you are from early childhood or something so anyone learning of it later in life is clearly faking. i've only thought I was faking and making it up my whole life, because what if I am? I always assumed I was.

I don't have that "one bug trauma moment" that is necessary for DID, nor do I have huge memory loss episodes/amnesia/whatever the correct term is. at least not that I'm aware of. I remember most of my childhood. I just have a bunch of cptsd and autistic/adhd memory issues and everything is fuzzy or out of order if I try to remember it. certain times I can remember random vivid childhood memories, other times its very fuzzy. but that's probably normal. so not DID obviously.

for a while, I wrongly assumed that's the only cause of plurality. I came across another dissociative disorder that can cause it. OSDD can do it but not a severely as DID apparently. i'm not diagnosing myself or even saying "I think i have this" just saying there's possibly an explanation out there for my experience of I keep digging and also figure out what this brain is doing. I didnt do deep research on OSDD. only looked at differences from DID mainly when I took a break at work. there could be other things that are similar. i'll look more into it if I remember and feel like it.

anyway, this is super disjointed and I keep rambling off topic. so my experience has been dissociating out of my mind my whole life but never knowing what it was for the longest time until fairly recently probably. out of body experiences where someone else controls the body, not feeling real or connected to reality, the world not feeling real, etc. the cptsd from being autistic and chronically bullied by every single classmate, friends being abusive bullies, teachers treating me like some good for nothing criminal. and family being the typical overbearing, poor, catholic, conservative household that bests you for doing things wrong, doesn't allow closed doors, berates you for everything, and never has anything nice to say, etc. you know the type, right? f

or 10 years I went to catholic school with the same group of 30ish kids who all hated me and made sure I knew it daily. I was undiagnosed autistic and those snobby rich catholic kids hated anyone different. I befriended the other couple semi-bullied kids, but turned out they weren't real friends and bullied and abused me worse than the other kids, but I was forced to make friends so they were my only choice (I got calls home resulting in getting screamed at when I got home, and sent to the principal nun so many times to get screamed at for not making friends or talking. it was great!)

being autistic and treated like a piece of garbage was traumatizing, but overtime continuous. not One Big Moment which is usually the cause of dissociative disorders from what i've heard I think. as well as being forced to wear the uniform dresses and skirts, parents forcing girly stuff on me and making me be girly, other kids treating me incorrectly/how I didn't want to be treated because "girl" and not feeling Gender enough but not having any lgbt knowledge didn't help at all (I was very uncomfy and got yelled at for wearing shorts "that are only for boys" and got my things stolen—pokemon keychains on bookbag, dragon ball action figures— or destroyed—another pokemon keychain, a pokemon sticker on pencil case— because "only boys can like that/it's not for girls!" so many of these experiences....) so anyway, being autistic (and adhd too) and some kind of gender gremlin (have settled on nonbinary now) led to me naturally trying to mask as a survival instinct to try to fit in, make everyone happy, and try to stop the bullying and abuse and all that. it obviously didn't work. nothing changed lmao. things like this led to me not knowing who I was. this still goes into today. I still don't know who I am or who i'm supposed to be. I have different versions of me. but I never knew which was "me" or if they're all me? at some point I had to stop and think....what ARE these different versions of me who all have different types of personalities, different likes and dislikes, different ways of talking and acting, etc. why do i seem to constantly contradict myself? how can I love something one day and hate it the next? it's like there's different little guys living in my brain and we share this meat slab. but maybe it's my childhood imagination and they are characters I made up and am acting out. maybe they are autistic masks I made. different personas for different times and experiences that for some reason don't dissipate and keep piling up. maybe they're....something else?

at some point at a young age, I became someone else, so to say. don't recall it being a conscious choice. just something that was kinds always there. there's evidence if them in my diary I had when I was around 5 years old. there's drawings of them together with "old me" and other "mes" that came after. they weren't treated like ocs, but I didn't know what else to call them so I always referred to them as "characters" even though I am "characters"

the first one that "became" doesn't have what I recall as a beginning. they just kinda "were" ?? I think they kind of took over and took the lead and tried to help me is one way you can put it. they weren't exactly "me" like the original me? but was still me? their name was Lilly. or I was Lilly? I told people to call me Lilly (they didn't. except a friend who wanted to play pretend and i gave her a pretend name. but she got bored and stopped after one summer. Lilly remained) I wasn't always Lilly. sometimes I was just that nameless and voiceless kid who was lost and just wanted to become one with nature away from people. the one I was "supposed" to be. the one that *deadname* was supposed to be? so Lilly took over for a while. but it was still hard. they didn't do the best job. but tried very hard and was able to speak a little unlike "the original" of like to say. so....of this is a plurality situation and not just me running a huge pretend hoax, I think i'm Lilly. i've changed my name and grew up a lot since 5. i'm Lee. i'm the "main personality" you could say. the one that usually is in charge of what this meat slab does and who people talk to....or....I'm very much questioning everything right now i'm sorry...

well, at some point, piercen popped up. piercen was the "innocent," "free spirit," and "silly/goofy" personality. the part of me that was sick of gender and didn't want one but didn't know how to express that. the part that just wanted to laugh and have fun and be silly and do what I enjoyed and ignore the stress Lilly was bearing. i generally always serious and depressed, but there was that piercen side that could still laugh and make jokes when Lilly was done crying.

maybe around 10 years old I want to say, Talia appeared. she was adventurous I guess. the dreaded puberty nonsense started and it freaked me (or us?) out. Talia took care of that the best she could. she shouldered it. she took over for a bit because Lilly was exhausted and broken. she was similar to Lilly in her role i suppose? while Lilly was a bit more rebellious, Talia gave in more to try to make people happy. but that didn't work too well....

ok I feel like im trying to write for someone else right now 😅 there's more of them too, but i'll stop there. I think a point was made of I was even trying to make on. but,,,,,this is supposed to be "me" but it feels so "other" at the same time. there is a disconnect between these "other mes" where they don't all feel like "me" because they are all so different from each other??? how can I like and dislike things at the same time? I don't like to wear girl clothes, it makes me uncomfy because reasons and I prefer neutral. but one of these "mes" loves cute "girly" outfits and keeps sneaking them into my cart when I buy stuff and then wears it and wants to shlw it off, but I feel like I have to hide it....that contradictory nonsense doesn't make sense of its just me in this brain. so thats one big reason i'm very questioning. there's other things too like taste in music and foods and etc.

they are, however, more connected than DID alters. those are completely disconnected or separate as in have their own memories and experiences. for me, the memories and experiences are more shared and not completely separate? there's less separation in experiences? but it still feels fuzzy between sometimes? like tryinf to write for Talia about her motives and role and stuff doesn't seem to work? like she'd need to do that herself? but yeah, it's more like a bunch of gremlins are sitting in a room togther and switching between who gets to play the video game, while the rest watch over their shoulder and backseat constantly. or a car full of people who switch between who drives and backseat constantly. they share the experience, mostly secondhand? and have their own opinions about where to go and what to do and what music to play and etc. but sometimes one wanders off idk. that's how the weird little gremlins inside my head feel to me.

are they me and i'm making this up? or are they them and i must accept them? i've tried talking to and connecting to them as i've seen suggested. either they are in there or i'm imaging this whole things and making it up 😅 who knows...I never talk about this (besides casual mentions of my brain gremlins) because WHAT IF IT IS ALL JUST PRETEND. I don't want to offend another system unintentionally. other people will judge or be very weirded out. i'm afraid i'm just faking for some reason. as a weirdass coping mechanism because I wasn't able to develop a real personality or something. how do you know the difference fdhddnssn am I even real? who am I? what am I? 😭

#lee rambles #just needed to get it out somehow in words but is so hard #how many times can i use the word “something” in a sentence. words hard. so filler words everywhere #what is brain doing???? dont know #mentioned casually to therapist few times but why not share to strangers on internet fhfdhddj #this has taken 4 hours to type. WORDS HARD. BUT CANT SLEEP 😭😭😭#ahhhhh what doooooooo #“lee” tired and done typing. only eepy baby gremlin awake. but what if they all fake and i make them up.....scary. lonely without... ah.#what if cry....ah. don't like. too wet. stuffy nose. want sleep. 😭#if they real...if me real....me “original” give “lee” controls. me “wrenn” but what if not real....ah. headache. try sleep now.

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gris-nv · 2 years ago

Text

On Friendship

A couple weeks ago I went out with one of my friends, we hadn’t seen each other in about three years! I met her in college, back in 2007, so we we making numbers and we know each other since sixteen years ago (my knee hurts every time I say it or think about it lol), we were talking about anything and everything, because a lot happened in our lives and we didn’t have idea, because we hadn’t seen each other in a while.

She was telling me about how a person she worked with once called said “she’s my best friend” and my friends was like “excuse me?” And she was telling me that actually I’m her best friend, not this other person and I felt so flattered and I was like “well, we can have more than one best friend and that’s ok”.

I firmly believe that we in fact can have more than one best friend, actually I consider I have a couple best friends, one of course is her, someone I met 16 years ago and we were seeing each other everyday for about four years while we were in college, we went through a lot together, good times, fun, birthdays, going to the movies,etc and also bad days, we even fought for a while and stop talking to each other. But it doesn’t matter because we grew together, we matured, not always seeing each other, actually we were talking about how even though we hadn’t spoken for three years that didn’t change anything because we still care deeply for each other and we already promised to go out more, we live very close and we don’t see each other as much ha!

My other best friend is someone I’ve known for nine, almost ten years ago, Ive talked about her, our friendship was born in the most unlikely of circumstances, through social media, just two strangers suddenly talking a lot, making jokes, sharing experiences, etc. Then after four years of virtual communication we made it real, and I remember how my mom said, the night before I took a plane to visit my friend for the first time, “I hope you two get along”, I hadn’t even considered the fact of not getting along but it made me nervous, we do in fact get along just fine by the way. And also we have gone through a lot together, fun, laughs, meeting her whole family and some friends, always someone new every time I go visit, with the usual anxiety on my part but it doesn’t matter because she’s one of my “safe people”, those who I trust blindly and rely on, kind of my emotional support person, we’ve cried together, we’ve had our differences even, not getting to fights, but more like “lets agree to disagree”. And after all isn’t friendship about that? Growing together and sharing a piece or our lives with the people we choose to?

I have another friend, I consider her a really close friend too, we met at work, and we also saw each other all day, everyday, we started to go out outside of work and then we don’t work together anymore, but we still see each other, we text everyday to share our fitness goals, to share new restaurants or foods we try, we’ve also had our differences with its correspondent discussion. I’m fully convinced she can also become one of my best friends, those things need time.

And it is in this line of the fact that friendships need time, that I remember once I had a person pop out of the blue in social media, started talking to me, she knew also my friend (the one I talked about in the fourth paragraph) it gave me the impression she saw how we exchanged memes, posts, etc and she was like “uh they seem fun and good friends, I want that!” So she started to interact out of nowhere, at least with me, nothing against that, Ive done it myself lol but it made me think how friendships cant be forced, either it happens or it doesn’t, why? I don’t have the exact answer because we all are different and we consider friends or not someone, but I do think that sometimes, call it destiny or soul connection or whatever, you click with someone, you click and you trust and they trust you, you share and they share, you help and they help, etc.

It also made me think of the times when someone at work confuses things, like, at least for me, I’m sorry but just because I can create a pacific environment with people at work doesn’t mean I’m friends with everyone, just because you see the person I am in social media means you know me deeply, just because you get a glimpse of my family doesn’t mean you know them or you can criticize us, the same way as just because you get a glimpse of my closest friends doesn’t mean you know them or you can criticize them.

Friendship takes time, takes effort and takes work. Friendship looks different for each person, for sure, but I think friendship means trust, means respect, means growth, means loyalty, means the ability to have difficult conversations and grow from there, friendship means family, at least for me.

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just-some-random-blogger · 2 years ago

Text

[...] pretty Danish rat boy in that medieval Netflix show.

klja;sf;hasklf me talking about my loves fr fr.

Anyway, you had cried your absolute eyes out during the movie when you saw it the first time. But more importantly: whoever was responsible for Sihtric's haircut in the movie, was an actual blessing from the lord. Every time you saw his very first scene in that movie, where he walks up to Uhtred, with that long, loose hair, you simply just slide down your couch, being a whole hot mess. The things you would do to get that man in your bed, and the things you would do to him… oh, if only he wasn't fictional. You'd let him rail you, but alas.

syhsdgserhrejherah wrmeEEE ASF HAHAHAHAHAH

Sihtric had been quick to catch your fall and caught you in his arms. While still completely confused, and in shock, he had carried you into your living room and carefully laid you down on your couch.

wAIT YOU MANIFESTED HIM INTO YOUR APARTMENT?????????????????????????????????

While that medieval looking hunk stared at your family pictures, you quietly took your phone from your pocket and opened instagram. Your eyes grew wide when you saw that the actual actor, who you knew played Sihtric in the show, had posted a story just a minute ago, announcing that he was currently in some country, far away from yours, at a comic con.

AL;JSFASFASFASF.ABNFASFSF WE LOVE THE SECURING OF THE PLOT THAT THIS IS IN FACT SIHTRIC SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UPP

'Oh,' Sihtric said, then nodded, 'that seems fair. What is that?' he asked, pointing to your tv.

does that seem fair? 💀

Sihtric looked back at your tv again, scratched his forehead, and then locked eyes with you again, 'Lady,' he snickered, 'I think someone has fooled you. That drawing is not worth that amount of silver.'

💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀

'Seven?' he frowned, suddenly offended, 'only seven? Yet you paid six hundred for that?' he pointed at your tv.

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 babie i would pay 700 pieces of silver if i wasnt so broke

'Sorcery,' he whispered with big eyes, squeezing your hand.

indeed

Sihtric gasped, 'No, that… see! See, I'm awake. I was merely resting my eyes, I was… in deep thought,' he lied.

bruh what why

'Uh, me?' you chuckled, twirling your hair, looking the handsome Dane up and down, 'n-no, I'm not. Why?' you kicked your feet.

Are you cursed?' he said without thinking.

AlhdKHSDLKHFAH;l;lj;J;JS;FJF YOU CANT JUST ASK PEOPLE IF THEYRE CURSED KAREN

'Yes,' you replied, 'only a certain kind of man could win my heart,' you grinned, mindlessly twirling your hair around your fingers again.

FACT

'Well,' Sihtric smiled, a little cocky, 'I might just be the man for you then.'

Unfortunately, the sweatpants were pastel pink, and Sihtric clenched his jaw, exhaling sharply as he grabbed them out of your hands. You snorted, and to make it worse, the only thing you owned which he would possibly fit in, was a matching sleeveless crop top.

AKLDgw wHA- OK HE LIVED WAAAAAY BEFORE PINK WAS A THING so his concern would probably be how they fit. as well as the crop top. also babes.... maybe a shower for the oogabooga caveman?

'Guess you're not brave enough for me then,' you taunted.

He had untangled his previously braided hair, wearing it down now, which you loved so much, all while wearing that sleeveless crop top, which barely covered half of his insanely toned upper body. And the matching sweatpants hung on his hips, low enough to reveal he wasn't wearing any underwear, which made sense, as you had no underwear that would possibly fit him.

One evening he asked if he could see one of those Last Kingdom episodes you had talked about, and you agreed.

....................... i dont think this is a good idea

'It's protection,' you explained, but you didn't want to spook him by talking about STDs, knowing he would probably think it's a curse, so you simply said, 'it's so you don't put a child- I mean, pup in my belly,' you frowned a little as you said the ancient words.

askfjfashflasfkhaslfhflsafhsalf good call babes

'You do not want my pups?' Sihtric asked, and he almost sounded hurt.

You had to admit, all those fanfic writers did not lie about his size; you had nothing to complain about here.

THROWINGGG UPPPPPPPPPPPPP DEAD

He threw one leg over his broad shoulder, and before you could grasp that your wildest fantasy was coming true, his face was already buried between your thighs.

And then you finally sank down on his cock, you both gasped at the feeling, hands desperately squeezing and scratching each other to display pleasure. And Sihtric was vocal, moaning and cursing with a smile as he enjoyed the way you were riding him, his eyes fixated on you, darting between your eyes, your lips, your breasts and down to your core, loving the view of how you took his length.

'Hm, I want to fill you up,' Sihtric whispered with ragged breath, and your attempt to not finish before him was to no avail, as his words were enough to make you cry out his name while your walls clenched around his throbbing cock.

'Only if you'd go back with me,' he said, without any hesitation or doubt, and he squeezed you a little tighter against his chest, 'but if you wish to stay here, then I will stay here, even if I could go back.'

'I love you,' you suddenly blurted out.

🧍‍♀️ me

Sihtric's jaw dropped slightly as he looked at you with big eyes, and then he smiled softly, 'I love you too,' he said, 'and I just want to be wherever you are.' 'Sihtric,' you whispered, cupping his cheeks as you stared into the warrior's vulnerable eyes, 'I will simply follow you anywhere you decide to go.'

so youre telling me yn got her fanfic dick and i dont

fuck outta here i am LOATHE

Note: request by @bubblyabs! thank you so much!! I hope you'll like it!

Warnings: SKMD SPOILERS. fluff/smut 18+, a lot of fourth wall breaking and my infamous attempt at humor.

pairing: SKMD!Sihtric x Modern!You (f)

summary: The fictional man of your dreams was suddely not so fictional anymore.

wordcount: 5,2k

'You looked really hot there.'

There you were again, wrapped in a blanket on your couch, ready to once again finish another binge rewatch of The Last Kingdom. You just couldn't stop yourself. Ever since you became obsessed with the show, you could watch nothing else. No other series appealed to you anymore, and you kept going back to the very first episode, pathetically anticipating the second season, because that's where your favourite character comes in; Sihtric Kjartansson. The man needs no introduction, if we're honest.

You don't know what exactly it is about him, but you were smitten. Each time he appeared on screen, you needed a glass of water and a cold shower afterwards.

You thought the actor who played him was cute too, you just couldn't really recall his name, you only remembered he had some complicated last name, Federsomething. However, cute or not, nothing was better than the rugged look of that pretty Danish rat boy in that medieval Netflix show. And so, only several weeks since your last rewatch, you were watching the movie again, which was the very last taste of the entire show you would ever get. Until they'll make some lousy remake in 10 years or something, which you would obviouslly not watch because you couldn't stand the thought of all those actors being replaced. Not on your watch.

And that made you groan each time. The most beautiful and perfect man you had ever seen was freaking fictional! It seems ridiculous, but Sihtric just ticked all your boxes.

He was funny, brave, loyal, adorable, hot, sexy, maybe not the smartest but you had no problem taking care of that man, he was good with weapons, he was protective and a real family man. What else could a you possibly want? You cursed Bernard Cornwell for coming up with the character and whoever casted that actor, as they are clearly responsible for you being forever single. Because you would never settle for anyone who was not Sihtric Kjartansson; fictional character and the goddamn love of your life.

And just like two weeks ago, you finished the movie and switched off your tv, while being a sobbing, snotty mess once again. Your three week holiday had just started, and your initial plan was to stay up late each night, but you had a headache from crying, so you decided to go to bed when it wasn't even close to midnight.

The next morning you woke up early because of some loud banging. You figured the toddlers of your upstairs neighbours were at it again, banging their fists on the wall, running through their apartment. You could hear their little gremlin claws stomp and scratch everywhere they went. But you had to admit, they were louder than usual today, and it actually sounded like they were kicking and stomping at your front door.

You groaned and got dressed for another day of simply doing nothing. You started your coffee machine and opened the door to your little hallway, which led through the front door. You hadn't checked for any mail downstairs in a few days, and it was time to leave your cave for that little adventure to the main hall of your apartment building.

But you would not get there, at least, not any time soon. No. You were about to get the biggest jump scare of your life, to which you would scream so loud, it would without a doubt wake up the entire city. And after that, everything would turn black in front of your eyes.

During your unconscious state you had the weirdest dream. You had opened the door to your hallway and found the cause of that weird banging noise. The noise came from your own apartment. The noise was created by a man, kicking at, and rattling your door, in a pathetic attempt to open it. And it wasn't just any man.

You recognised him from the back within a split second. It was the fictional man of your dreams, dressed in the red-brownish leather armour he wore when you last saw him on your tv, his hair braided and his face bloody and bewildered. You screamed so loud when you saw him, that someone probably called the cops, because it was a horrible, distressing sound. And it also scared the hell out of Sihtric, who turned to face you while reaching for the hilt of his sword as he stepped closer. But after a second, his expression changed from anger to astonishment, and he stared at you, all confused and wide-eyed. You stared into his mismatched eyes as he was merely two paces away from you.

'Lady?' he said, with the voice and accent that simply set your body on fire whenever you heard it.

And you randomly thought how Sihtric looked taller on tv than he did in real life, in your hallway, and then everything just turned black.

And it turned out that it wasn't a dream. But it all had actually happened before you passed out, in your hallway. Sihtric had been quick to catch your fall and caught you in his arms. While still completely confused, and in shock, he had carried you into your living room and carefully laid you down on your couch. And as it would take a good five minutes before you regained consciousness again, Sihtric took a quick look around your apartment, growing more confused and concerned with every passing second.

And you suddenly opened your eyes again as he had his back turned to you.

You blinked rapidly, your eyes trying to focus on the backside of the man in armour, which you recognised all too well. It hadn't been a dream, it all actually happened. And it was still happening apparently. How the fuck was this possible? Did someone prank you? Did someone pay a ridiculous amount of money to hire the actual actor, just to scare the shit out of you and to mess with you? Breaking your heart in the process as you could never be with the man of your dreams? What a sick joke.

'No way,' you whispered, 'but then who the fuck-', you looked back at Sihtric again, who had made his way over to your Last Kingdom book collection.

He stared at it, but as you couldn't see his face, you had no idea what he was doing because you remembered he shouldn't be able to read. You followed his movements with huge eyes, completely in shock, and without realising it, your phone slipped out of your hands and dropped on the floor with a loud thump. You spooked Sihtric, who slightly jumped, and was quick to turn around, again ready to draw his sword.

'Where am I?' he asked, trying to sound calm.

'W-what… uh, England?'

'England?'

'E-England,' you said again.

'What is the year, lady?'

'2024.'

'What?'

'No, sorry! Sorry, I- I mean 2023!'

Sihtric stared at you, and you thought if he wouldn't blink soon, his eyes would dry out.

'H-how did you get here?' you asked.

'How did you get here?' he asked cautiously.

'I… live here?' you frowned.

'Why?'

You blinked. 'Because… I… pay to live here?'

'Oh,' Sihtric said, then nodded, 'that seems fair. What is that?' he asked, pointing to your tv.

'It's a t- uhh,' you figured that if for some reason this really was Sihtric, the medieval dude from your favourite tv show, he would not know what a tv is, so for the sake of playing it safe, you lied, 'it's a… art.'

'Art?'

'Yes, like a drawing,' you panicked.

Sihtric looked at the tv, then back at you, and said, 'but it's all black?'

'Well, it's… modern… art? It's really expensive,' you said, hoping he would not try to break your tv for whatever reason.

'Expensive?'

'Yes,' you said, 'it's, uh, over a six hundred poun- pieces of silver.'

You smiled, simply agreeing, while anticipating his next move.

'Is that,' he squinted his eyes and walked over to your kitchen, 'Uhtred?' he frowned, looking at your coffee cup which had a picture of Uhtred's face on it, 'why?' Sihtric asked as he looked back at you.

'I, uhh…' were you going to tell him they didn't have a cup with his face on it, and that you had sent an angry email to the company? Maybe not. You cleared your throat, but before you could speak, Sihtric's eyes found the large framed poster of him, Finan and Uhtred on your wall. And his eyes grew wide.

'Where did you get that? Why am I… why are… wh-,' Sihtric stopped talking, then eventually said, 'who made this painting?'

'... Google?'

'Who is Google?'

'It's, well, so,' you stammered.

'You paid six hundred pieces of silver for this too?'

'Wha- no, more like…seven.'

'Seven hundred?' Sihtric gasped, 'lady,' he smiled, clearly flattered.

'No! I mean like seven pou- bloody pieces of silver!'

'Seven?' he frowned, suddenly offended, 'only seven? Yet you paid six hundred for that?' he pointed at your tv.

'Sihtric, look,' you sighed.

'How do you know my name?' he asked, frightened.

Okay. This had to stop, right now. What the fuck is going on?

You told Sihtric to shut up, a little harsher than you really meant, but so be it. You took his hands and sat him down on your couch. For some reason he kept holding your hands, which you obviously didn't mind, and you tried to explain how you knew who he was while desperately not trying to get distracted by his appearance. Those tattooed fingers, the tattoo on his neck, and all those scars. He was even more handsome in real life. If this was real life, of course.

'You… you have seen my life?' Sihtric frowned, 'on… the black painting?'

'Yes, it's called a tv. Here, I can show you,' you took the remote, and Sihtric gasped when he suddenly heard noise and saw moving images on the previously black screen.

'Sorcery,' he whispered with big eyes, squeezing your hand.

'No, not sorcery,' you said, remembering how awfully superstitious he was in season 3. And how cute he looked in season 3. Well, he was cute in every season.

'The… the people,' Sihtric suddenly said, 'are they s-stuck?'

'Stuck?'

'Are they stuck in the painting?' he asked, concerned.

'What? No… no, it's… oh god,' you sighed, 'the people are fine,' you smiled.

You quickly switched on Seven Kings Must Die, and you thought Sihtric was going to pass out. He jumped up when he saw Finan and Ingrith, near the beginning of the movie, in Uhtred's hall, your favourite scene, and he ran to the tv.

'Finan!' Sihtric yelled, 'is he stuck?' he looked back at you, worried, 'can he… can he hear me?'

Sihtric turned to the tv again and pressed his fingers against the screen.

'No! Don't touch the screen!' you yelled, worried he'd damage it with his rough fingers, and Sihtric was quick to pull his hand back with a flinch. And you felt horrible for making him flinch, but before you could apologise, Sihtric had composed himself again.

'But… F-Finan?' he asked, 'is he okay? Where is he?'

'Finan is fine! He's not stuck! This all already happened… right?' you grimaced, hoping you were right somehow.

Sihtric looked at you, confused, then back to the screen, and he stumbled backwards when he saw his own face appear on the magic painting. He watched the scene unfold, and he didn't know what to say, he just stared at the screen as he reached for your hand again.

'You looked really hot there,' you blurted out, and you felt yourself blush.

'Hot?' Sihtric frowned, 'I wasn't hot, lady. It was a cold night! Can't you see the furs?' he scoffed.

'No, I mean, you- … no, you're right. It must've been… really cold that day.'

'It was,' Sihtric said sternly, and looked back at the screen again, 'I remember this,' he gasped, 'Finan said he only fell asleep once,' he said, just seconds before Finan said the line on tv.

'See!' Sihtric gasped and looked at you again, 'he actually has fallen asleep many times, lady,' he grinned.

Holy fuck. You didn't even think about that. Sihtric obviously knew everything that had happened, the whole story, not just the bits and pieces you saw from their lives on tv.

'H-has he?' you asked, cautiously.

'Yes, lady,' Sihtric said, 'it often happened because he had too much ale the night before. And because he's old,' he winked with a grin.

'Oh,' you snickered, 'I see. And… you never fell asleep?'

'Me? no, never,' he said with confidence.

'Are you sure?'

'Yes, lady.'

You hummed and skipped to the scene where both Finan and Sihtric had fallen asleep, while Uhtred was awake.

'So…' you smiled, pointing at the tv.

Sihtric gasped, 'No, that… see! See, I'm awake. I was merely resting my eyes, I was… in deep thought,' he lied.

'Okay,' you laughed, 'if you say so.'

You watched Sihtric's face, which went from mildly ashamed to a light chuckle, and soon he laughed softly along with you. He still had no idea how it was possible that he could see his own face on your expensive painting, but Sihtric was a simple guy; he saw a pretty lady and he was smitten, not caring about much else anymore, except for winning your heart. He clearly didn't know you were basically ready to marry him on the spot. And for some reason you both just seemed to accept the situation, no questions asked. You watched the rest of the movie together, and it was surreal. Sihtric remembered everything, told you little anecdotes and simply seemed to enjoy seeing his friends on your screen.

'So… did Uhtred die?' you asked when the end credits were shown on screen.

'Uhtred died?!' Sihtric gasped.

'What? No, I mean, I'm asking you!'

'Uhtred was alive when I last saw him!' Sihtric said, and so you found out Sihtric had ended up in your world only hours after that heartbreaking last scene in the movie.

'Okay, then I'm sure he's, uh, fine,' you tried to convince yourself as much as you tried to convince Sihtric. 'Also,' you cleared your throat, 'what happened to your wife and kids?'

'Oh,' he said, 'we had a rough divorce. She broke my heart and took the kids,' he shrugged.

'Oh,' you blinked, surprised, 'I'm… sorry?'

'Are you married?' Sihtric blurted out.

'Uh, me?' you chuckled, twirling your hair, looking the handsome Dane up and down, 'n-no, I'm not. Why?' you kicked your feet.

Sihtric stared at you, he just couldn't believe his luck after being strangely teleported into a different year and world, ending up with a beautiful lady who wasn't married. But then he thought that was odd, because why weren't you married yet? A pretty lady who was clearly rich, at least that's what he thought, who lived in a nice home, was of marriage age, who was also very kind and funny, and with a body which he would undoubtedly be thinking of later that night. Why has no one married you yet, he wondered.

'Are you cursed?' he said without thinking.

'What?'

'Cursed,' he said again, 'you're not married. Why?'

'Uh, well,' you cleared your throat, 'I'm… picky.'

Sure, picky. You were simply in love with the medieval, fictional man on your couch, and you would never settle for anything less.

'Picky?' Sihtric frowned.

'Yes,' you replied, 'only a certain kind of man could win my heart,' you grinned, mindlessly twirling your hair around your fingers again.

'Oh?' Sihtric raised an eyebrow and smirked, clearly intrigued.

And he thought of it as a game now, a game he desperately wanted to play, because he wanted to know if he could win. And gods, how he wanted to win you and take you back home with him. Or stay here with you, he really didn't care, not after you just batted your eyelashes at him. No, he would do everything for you now.

'So,' he cleared his throat, shifting a little closer next to you on the couch, 'what kind of man would that be?'

'Hm,' you hummed, thinking as if you weren't looking at that specific man, 'a man who is… kind,' you said, 'loyal and brave,' you smiled at him.

Sihtric hummed and licked his lips as he gave you a playful look. He knew he was kind, loyal and brave, so he figured his chances with you were pretty good right now.

'And… someone who is not afraid to take charge,' you teased, seeing if he's willing to take the bait.

Sihtric grinned and slightly adjusted his position.

'He also has to be protective,' you said, 'and strong,' your eyes trailed down to his clothed biceps, knowing very well what's underneath all of that fabric he was wearing.

'Well,' Sihtric smiled, a little cocky, 'I might just be the man for you then.'

'You think so? I'm not sure…,' you played it cool, but inside you were going stark raving mad, this surely had to be a dream.

'I think I am,' he gave you a smirk and winked.

You were absolutely ready to pull that man in your bed, but it was only noon, you had just met him a few hours ago, and everything was just really freaking weird. So you held back. You told him you'd think about it, to which he frowned, playfully offended. You bickered a little and eventually ended up discussing what on earth you two were going to do now. He had nowhere to go, and you didn't want to kick him out, but he was still a stranger. Even though he had lived in your head rent free for years already. You told him first things first; he had to get into different clothes. Which he agreed to. You did some digging and found some sweatpants you had bought online years ago, which turned out way too big for you, and you had forgotten to return it, which came in handy now. Unfortunately, the sweatpants were pastel pink, and Sihtric clenched his jaw, exhaling sharply as he grabbed them out of your hands. You snorted, and to make it worse, the only thing you owned which he would possibly fit in, was a matching sleeveless crop top.

'No,' Sihtric said sternly, looking at the top you held in your hands.

'Guess you're not brave enough for me then,' you taunted.

Sihtric huffed and snatched the shirt out of your hands. You pointed him towards your bathroom, where he stayed for quite a while, simply admiring every foreign object before he even thought of changing clothes. And when he finally walked out, you thought you were going to pass out again.

He raked his fingers through his hair, exposing even more of his trained torso when he did, and every single filthy thought you ever had about that man crossed your mind at once. You desperately tried to shake your thoughts and took him back into your living room, where you sat down and simply talked. He wanted to know all about you, and even though he didn't understand a lot of the things you mentioned, he knew he was going to marry you. Somehow.

Later you made him dinner and as promised, Sihtric slept on the couch. And you had to fight the desperate urge to find him in the night and lure him into your bed, which Sihtric would have gladly allowed to happen.

A few days passed and Sihtric seemed to adapt decently. He was not as dumb as Uhtred and Finan always made him seem, but he was definitely as clumsy as expected. Knocking over drinks, breaking small objects which he wanted to look at but his hands were too rough, things like that. But you couldn't give a shit, you were madly in love with him, and you couldn't wait for him to break you-... your bed.

Sihtric was very flirty too, and loved brushing his fingers over your face, arms, or well, anywhere he could really, whenever he could. But he was also a true gentleman, and slept on your couch each night, for nearly a week.

One evening he asked if he could see one of those Last Kingdom episodes you had talked about, and you agreed.

It was still unreal to watch an episode with the one and only Sihtric Kjartansson next to you, and it still felt like a dream. You switched on a random episode, and it happened to be the one where his father, Kjartan, ends up getting killed. At first Sihtric had been watching in awe, amazed that he could relive parts of his life like that.

But when he realised where it was going, his face became more and more deprived of emotions. You noticed it quite late and wanted to switch the tv off once you saw it, just before Kjartan got killed, but Sihtric stopped you by taking your hand in his. And he held your hand tightly as he watched the scene unfold. He showed no emotion, which told you he was more or less at peace with it, but it still was a rough moment to sit through.

When the episode was over, Sihtric looked at you, and you could finally do what you had always wanted to do after seeing Sihtric in that terrible scene; you pulled him in your arms and held him tight.

'Are you okay?' you asked after a moment.

'Yeah,' he said quietly, enjoying the feeling of having his arms around you.

He softly hummed as you brushed your fingers through his long, wavy hair, which was simply another dream come true, and he held you tightly for a long time.

'Can I stay with you?' Sihtric suddenly asked a few evenings later as you had just watched another episode.

'What?' you asked.

'Can I stay here? With you? I mean… I- I like you. I like being here,' he said, 'and, unless we find out how I got here, I have nowhere to go.'

'Y-you want to stay here? With me?' you frowned.

Sihtric wasn't wrong, he truly had no place to go and you also still had no idea how on earth he had gotten here, which you both quickly stopped questioning as it drove you mad. And naturally you wanted him to stay, but it would be a hard thing to explain to your friends and family, who knew all about your (unhealthy) love for Sihtric, who was, until last week, non-existent in the real world.

'I'd like to stay,' Sihtric smiled sweetly at you, 'with you, lady.'

And you just couldn't resist him anymore. With his long, wavy hair, those mismatched eyes, that smile, and the pink crop top he kept wearing once he realised you liked it on him. He did swap the pastel sweatpants for a black one, after you had bought it for him a few days ago. He was simply the most mesmerising man you had ever seen, and before you knew it, your lips crashed together into a heated kiss. And you tore each other's clothes off as fast as you could. You've been waiting years for this dream to become a reality, and you absolutely would live your fantasy to the fullest right now.

Sihtric seemed just as desperate as you, but before he pulled your panties down, you ran to your bedroom. He was still a medieval man, who knows what he caught in those days and you wanted to limit the risk of catching something as much as you could, and also you did not want a baby, yet, so you grabbed a condom. Sihtric frowned at the package, and you quickly understood he had never seen such a thing. You chuckled a little awkwardly and opened the package.

'You do not want my pups?' Sihtric asked, and he almost sounded hurt.

'N… I… well,' you cleared your throat, 'not yet,' you admitted.

Sihtric started to ramble and question you, and you politely asked him to stop talking. You asked if he was okay with everything, to which he then nodded with a smirk, and he allowed you to put the condom on him. And the low hums he let out when you did so, were enough to turn your insides into jelly, and the pressure between your thighs was immense and unbearable. And as you wanted to take your hands off him, he quickly held onto your arm, keeping your hand in place.

'Please,' Sihtric said with big, darkened eyes and a sly smile.

And you understood he seemed to like the feeling of your hand working his length. You had to admit, all those fanfic writers did not lie about his size; you had nothing to complain about here. God, the way you enjoyed having this man on your couch, completely naked, except for the Mjölnir pendant around his neck, with his head thrown back as he smiled while soft moans escaped his slightly parted lips, enjoying the way you made him feel. And it didn't take long before Sihtric came, and the sound of his low groan was pure bliss to your ears, and even more arousing than you already had expected it to be.

After a short moment, Sihtric was quick to push you up and make you sit back against the couch. He kneeled down in front of you, on the floor, and he carefully spread your legs with a smirk. He threw one leg over his broad shoulder, and before you could grasp that your wildest fantasy was coming true, his face was already buried between your thighs. He nipped your sensitive skin with his lips before he softly kissed your wet folds, followed by running his tongue over your core, making you exhale sharply as your hands found his hair. Your body trembled in no time as he sucked, kissed and licked your clit, as if you were the most delicious thing he had ever tasted in his life. And just like Sihtric, it didn't take long before you came with a desperate moan, pulling his hair to which he groaned.

You both ended up laughing softly as Sihtric sat back next to you, giving you some time to recover, while you both realised how insane this was. But in less than a minute he already took your face in his hands and pulled you closer, wanting to kiss you like there was no tomorrow. And as soon as you felt like you could take him again, you climbed on his lap, to which Sihtric smirked. He watched you with half open eyes as he bit down on his lip. His hands settled on your hips while yours found support by holding onto his muscular shoulders. His body was even more impressive than you imagined, and you cursed Netflix for never giving the audience a shirtless Sihtric scene.

'Gods,' he moaned, out of breath, and then he hummed with a light chuckle.

'Fuck,' you muttered under your breath, digging your nails in his shoulders as you tried your hardest to not finish right there and then.

'Fuck, sorry,' you said, panting, riding out your own high while feeling a little embarrassed you finished so fast.

But to your surprise, and pleasure, you felt Sihtric's grip on your hips tighten up and he let out another hard, deep groan as he threw his head back, finishing only moments after you, just as he had hoped he would. You both tried to catch your breath as you embraced each other for a little while. Then you took a shower together and dressed in some comfy clothes. You grabbed a few drinks and some snacks, and made your way into your bedroom, telling Sihtric to come with you. And on your bed, you'd talk and joke around for hours, if you weren't too busy kissing each other or cuddling that is.

'If you had the chance,' you asked, hours later, as Sihtric held you in his arms, 'would you go back home?'

'Why?' you asked, surprised but happy to hear his answer, and you felt a little emotional all of the sudden.

'Because,' Sihtric smiled, moving up a little to look into your eyes, 'because I like you,' he lovingly brushed his fingers over your cheek, 'I have lived my life there, back home,' he said, 'there's not much there for me anymore. I would rather stay here and have you, have someone to take care of and to provide for, then going back without you and just… feel alone again at night.'

'I love you,' you suddenly blurted out.

Sihtric's jaw dropped slightly as he looked at you with big eyes, and then he smiled softly, 'I love you too,' he said, 'and I just want to be wherever you are.'

'Sihtric,' you whispered, cupping his cheeks as you stared into the warrior's vulnerable eyes, 'I will simply follow you anywhere you decide to go.'

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#sihtric fanfic #sihtric fluff #sihtric smut

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