#i rly just couldnt. understand- | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lemongogo · 21 days ago

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college … wasted on the youth (me)

#didnt help that 2/4 yrs was covid telezoom but man.. MANNN #forgetting how impossible it is to pursue rhe degree plan u actually want (advising hell) i feel like . theres just #so many diff things i want to learn now Knowing that im more solidified in my interests and who i am and what i would be interested in doing #and like.😭RGAAAAAQH TEARING MYHAIR OUTTT every other week i have a night where im sititng there like damn i couldve been sm1 completely dif #dgmw i still rly enjoy some of the upper div classes i Did take but what if i took x and liked it more or minored in y and it led me to z #bc i do feel rly set in where i am rn which . i DO ! like it but im never gna be in that environment where u have the flexibility to explore #ykwim . i wish i had taken physics and calc srsly . i always thought i hated that shit but i like it. i like it quite a lot actually😟#or more geology .. urrghh.. sprinkle in sme extra art history . no bc thats what actu pissed me off ab school #i rmbr wanting to dual major and they straight up told me no i cant . but then i was like maybe an arts major bio minor when i wanted to do #science illustration but sry we dont offer bio minor . ok bio major arh or studio art minor . no sry not enough open spots we rly only #reserve it for when we have extra openings post admission❤️#and then even late into sophomore year u would still be last in registration so all the cool classes would be closed #and then bc of covid half that shit was cancelled bc they couldnt transfer labs online (rip comparative vertebrate anatomy)#and then by senior yr an additional collection of classes were unavailable bc u dont have the prereqs bc the prereqs were cancelled during #covid and u dont have enough semesters left to actually take it . like it was gen such an awful experience so ik why i couldnt ever do what #i wanted but .😭 AND LIKE the classes i DID enjoy like genomics or molecular genetics were closed by registration and i had to email and beg #for access . thts crazy .literally crazy .#anyways . i think i want 2 start reading textbooks bc i think thats the closest ill get LMAOO #i remember seeing my coworker read a textbook for fun one time and idk why i just didnt understand why bc it seemed so dry but i Get it now #like yeah .. u knew what was up ..#sad too that like . i could theoretically audit a course but i Work..during the day .. so sad . so sad #guys wht if i just said yes to grad school (<the devil talking.dont agree)

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ur-ghostgirl · 1 month ago

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if it wasn't for all the rude tourists i think i could be happy living here

#its rly pretty #but yea i tried to leave a cafe and got pushed out of the way by like 10 people trying to get in n didnt get a sorry or ty:c #got pushed into a bush bc they couldnt wait 2 seconds #they also dnt seem to understand that u need to move slightly to let people off of busy transport n they cant just force their way through u #i shouldnt b angry ab tourists bc i guess i am one too but tht type can be veryy frustrating #maybe i just dont like rude people n am just generalising idk #anyway im off to see a castle n stuff #and am vry sad about going home #i need another week or 10 in scotland

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everythingsinred · 1 year ago

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ill just never get over this panel or how its the first time we see natsume visibly upset and sad from his own perspective (something we dont really see much of because of the way his character works), especially because the plant disintegrating in front of him is representing much more than a plant and he can never ever have anything good in his life without fearing it would be harmed in some way to discipline him.

#ga #gakuen alice #hyuuga natsume #baby. baby boy.#and yes i know and understand why natsume is told to stay away from mikan #and as much as i think the esp rly didnt want them interacting much #having one more thing to hold over natsumes head was probably useful for them too....#which is what he was afraid of and trying to avoid from the beginning just to see in this scene that it was all in vain #and that he couldnt hide how much mikan meant to him....#im gonna cry #anyway im gonna reread the manga soon and just post about all my thoughts that are nm and non-nm related #i think that could be fun bc i have a lot of thoughts and i always come up w more while reading #i also have to update my fic after so long hehe

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occasionalincorrectquotes · 5 months ago

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Chen bin did NOT deserve that. Fuck you link click S2

#only 2 police officers in this world that are good and they killed one #i dont remember if they killed the other one </3 #rewatching rly helps w understanding the story fr #bc when i first watched s2 i totally forgot who liu min was #was like: who is this blonde man and why do we care so much abt him #also chen bin's ringtone is so dreadful for some reason #芷 #link click #shiguang daili ren #sgdlr #not dreadful in like: That fucking sucks kinda way #dreadful like: Shit bro you just made me remember the fact that youre gonna die in like 12 hours #Crying the way Xiao Shi couldnt leave lu guang alone w qiao ling anymore because hes scared Lu Guang will get killed again

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bittwitchy · 7 months ago

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cw anti st*ggy and st*cky joke:

its funny how much i hate st*ggy considering i also dont like st*cky romantically

#but funnily enough i AM a steve/sam and b*cky/sam girl #but thats the one poly i wont approve of #for me u do u friends #how many tags do i have to do before it no longer shows up in tags brw #bc the fandoms for both of those ships are vile #esp when u admit to preferring sam w both of them they just get plain r*cist sometimes #i know its 20 to stay out of the tags but #will 20 also stop the flaggings from picking it up bc i dont wanna do that either #i wanna make sure your tag blocks work yknow #wtf even is sam and b/uckys pairing name #like im a b/uckyn/at aka w/interwi/dow girlie as well and they have both #is it like… w/interfa/lcon????#why is b/uckys name first it should be sams #honestly that fandom is wild if you talk abt ships nnur ships arent the popular ones like #i woll dully admit i ship wild stuff too #not rly wild if m*rv*l cared enough to actually build the rels peoperly but like #as a comic reader im a st*ron fan and im forever mad at how they #royally fucked up sh/arons story just bc they wanted to fuck w h/ayley a/twell a known woman hater posing as a f/eminist #i do like st*ny but only when done right bc lbr… they couldnt even do theirn #friendship right enough to make cw actually impactful #and i dont understand why ‘literally was earning almost a billion per movie at the time even before they all were’ m*rv*l #chose to fuck w what cap 3 was to ‘compete w b/atman v s/uperman’ like #they had zero to worry abt ppl wont even pay attention to zacks films and pick apart anything to hate they can #ppl hate subtle storytelling which is how he storytells he hates shoving the plot in your face he wants you to overthink it #and they were launching the universe then like it was NEVER going to be a competition they just freaked tf out for no reason #losers #ima tag them now hopefully i dont end up int he tags if u have those antis blacklisted lmk if it works #anti steggy #anti stucky

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pinkseas · 11 months ago

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my manager is WAY too fucking nice to me im gonna explode

#emeto tw #emeto cw #in tags ->#i started having a panic attack at work earlier but i didnt really get the chance to go in back and chill for a bit so it just got worse #like REALLY fucking bad worse than ive had in . at least years maybe Ever. i have not thrown up in over a decade now but #i started fucking dry heaving behind the register i REALLY thought i was going to be sick it was a close thing #i couldnt even call my coworker up i just had to fucking dip and pray she realized i was gone (she did thank fuck)#and then i was shaking really bad really freaking out still fucking dry heaving in the back of the store and it was just.#easily one of the worst experiences ive had in a LONG time like december will not leave me alone <- covid then appendicitis and now this WH #and my manager hadnt been in the store at the time but she came in thru the back and saw me and i was like hey haha funny story #and she was so concerned and told me to stay in back as long as i needed and that i could go home if i wanted to etc etc #ended up bringing my bag back for me and bringing me water and she checked in on me every 5-10 mins until my parents finally got there #she was rly nice and rly understanding and then the coworker i abandoned who is also kind of my manager. also came back #and SHE was ALSO super fucking sweet about it really concerned didnt want me to feel bad abt it (i feel so fucking bad abt it)#i did end up having to go home early bc. dear god. and i texted my manager just now asking if i could leave a bit earlier tomorrow #bc im supposed to have another 8 hour shift but i didnt even make it to 4 hours today and im rly nervy abt it happening again #and she straight up was like 'are you sure? i was genuinely planning on covering your shift myself' SHE DOESNT EVEN WORK UP FRONT #SHE'D BE GOING BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN THE REGISTER AND KITCHEN AND SHE'D BE THERE FOR AT LEAST OVER 12 HOURS #like okay. okay. when i texted my parents abt it dad told me 'its probably just nerves. try to push through it'#but my manager and coworkers r gonna be the sweetest kindest most understanding people about it. okay. sure. okay.#surely u see why i am exploding WHY ARE THEY SO NICE?????????? i feel so fucking guilty GOD #alyalyoxenfree

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biblicalhorror · 1 year ago

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You ever had a friendship where like you kind of faded out of each other's lives for a period of time and then re-bonded without ever really addressing the distance so now every time one of you mentions something you never told the other one during The Dark Time you both just have to be like "yeah, this massive thing that happened to me that we didn't talk about at the time but I totally wanted to tell you about but it felt like I couldn't talk to you but I'm also not gonna say it was your fault because I don't want to drive you away again but I know and you know exactly what it is we're not talking about"

#like. i dont blame her for what happened #she was going through a lot of bullshit and i was getting into my current relationship with our mutual friend #and the mutual friend in question it turns out had rejected her like a month and a half before asking me out #so like. things were weird and i dont blame her for not wanting to make a whole thing out of it #and i also get how it would be hard to see me like that with someone you had interest in #but also from my perspective at the time i started dating a boy i liked and my best friend just decided she couldnt be around me anymore #and even though i now have the full context and it doesnt hurt as badly theres still a part of me carrying resentment over it #ive stopped pretending this is relatable content and now im just using the tags on this post as my diary #like on the one hand i know this friendship is worth it because we're stronger than ever now #and shes gotten so much better about vulnerability and admitting i matter to her and communicating in general #but on the other hand it just keeps feeling like theres this elephant in the room that neither one of us has any idea how to address #and like i dont even know if it would be better if we did address it #like 'hey btw i know you had a crush on my now bf and tried to kiss him one time and then didnt tell me when he shrugged you off'#'i also know how much you tried to pretend it didnt hurt you but you distanced yourself from half your friends to avoid having to face it'#'and at the time it was rly frustrating because you acted like me being happy in a healthy relationship was a personal inconvenience to u'#'but i understand now and i forgive you and im glad you came back around eventually because i love you and i missed you'#or can all of those things just remain unsaid and understood

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steampoweredskeleton · 11 months ago

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Ignore

#delete later #the decision between microdosing bg3 spoilers in order to msybe reduce the amount i will be overwhelmed when playing it #anf not looking at anything bc the interest level is getting to the point of i may end up having a panic attack #i saw one of the voice actors is from near where i grew up and got super excited bc no one ever knows my hometown and that #has NOT helped so now i know im getting pulled in whether i want to or not. so noe its just trying to mediate its effects #try and make it so i dont get so overwhelmed that i start having panic attacks and meltdowns #i think im just gonna have to stay away from his character completely until ive properly chilled. no idea why but any like #thing where my hometown is mentioned just makes me super syper super happy and that is like the QUICKEST way for me #to get panic level overwhelmed #its a really odd one and i really dont understand why it happens but it does #microdosing may be the wwy to go otherwise ill build it up to the point that i won't be able to play it bc of the anxiety #autism is wild i rly wish i didnt have it. in good news i problem solved very well today. it did make me so exhausted and #overstimulated that i couldnt do anything else today but hey. i still managed. im so anxious about next week. itll be fine though #also since i haven't had a media special interest for a hot minute ive been able to become more aware of the bits of it that are #unhealthy in terms of my mental health abd im gonna have to do a lot of picking abd choosing what to interact with #which is going to make media special interests straight up less fun but also i know that that shit can fuck up ny brain #way more than like bugs or folk tales.#one of which is avoiding stuff about the real ppl behind it bc cementing stuff ij reslity with real ppl can make things worse #in my brain bc i tend to gave difficulty seperating ecerything anyway #i daydream constantly and i need that to stay with fictional things bc if it goes into reality things it starts to get way worse #this ended up being a weird rant about how my brain struggles to stay in reality but that's fine ignore me

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damianogender · 2 years ago

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"why don't you go and actually watch scorsese/de palma/some other 70s popular director just because they're white guys doesn't mean they can't make deep films how can you say you like cinema and film analysis with this mindset" well you see it's because i don't like them. hope this helps

#goncharov #jokes aside there are some 70s directors i havent seen at all or very little (like scorsese)#and there are some i have developed a pretty good idea of (like de palma)#and the reason i choose not to watch them is not because i dont know they exist or think they're problematic just bc theyre white guys #(+its really annoying when ppl act like de palma or godard or kubrick or polanski or whatever are unknown theyre as popular as it gets)#but it's true i don't think their films are deep enough bc i have seen them and i dont think they understand what they're rly talking abt #i dont think they arent deep bc theyre white guys with big awards but i do think that is one of the reasons that their art doesnt get to me #and im not talking about their ability as a director when it comes to technical things like cinematography editing etc #i couldnt say anything bad about the prom queen scene of carrie by de palma #but i simply do not think de palma actually understands what carrie represents (nor does stephen king tbh)#and yes i think that is because he is a cis straight white guy who i also think is a weirdo just by looking at his directing choices #like im not saying he isnt deserving of the attention he got/gets bc he is a white guy #but i do think he isnt deserving of the attention he gets and he also happens to be a rich white guy #and like even if that wasnt the case i dont think it's an unreasonable thing to assume a rich white guy can understand teenage girl psyche #i wouldnt dismiss anyone based on their race gender level of nepotism etc #in fact despite the pure nepotism (with certain criticisms ofc) i love the work of the new gen coppolas (sofia is one of my all time favs)#im not judging anyone who likes de palma i dont give a shit but dont act like your taste is superior u sound like a 1800s cambridge brat #do you understand what im saying??? basically stop being annoying about goncharov we're trying to have fun

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seriaph · 2 years ago

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God i am way too emotionally fragile, cant even withstand my brother yelling at me lol

#jazposts #ughhhhhh i hate being screamed at and called an idiot #i mean i deserve it but like #man i was too overwhelmed i couldnt understand what he wanted me to say my brain is just too slow #im sure he was joking but still hurt #locked in the bathroom so i can cry where no one will see lol #dont want them thinking im *that* big of a baby :P #just not having a good year.#rly even the smallest things make me cry this month. sucks.

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nomairuins · 1 month ago

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the worst part is like . I know it sounds like ocd and i know a lot of ppl with ocd and i watch them talk abt their experiences and i relate a ton but then my brains like How dare you relate to them and try to compare. youre just an evil person and youre trying to pretend you have ocd . and its actually different and the fact you even thought for a second "oh thats similar to what i experience" means that you will be a bad person forever and you cant fix it and you need to go to hell. and you dont have ocd youre just actually an evil person. so i cant actually let myself think abt it being ocd basically

#And like you know . i dont actually know what it is and i cant like. Decide i do bc i relate a lot to ppl who do have it . its just even if #i dont say I think i have ocd bc i relate to this. i cant even think Oh i relate to this without feeling like an awful person. you know .#does this make sense to anybody at all. its very very exhausting #also this is phrasing it like being ocd is the same thing as being evil Obviously it isnt i just mean like ik a lot pf ppl with ocd #experience similar like. worrying theyre an evil person and i also do that but my brain says that i actually Am an evil person as opposed t #just. worrying that i am. and that i only worry abt it bc its true. ok .#idk i worry i sound whiny as hell in these posts im sorry 😭 its just rly kicking my ass tonight the terrors #but its like. no matter what i do im evil bc if i think to myself Oh i relate a bit to this person with ocd my brain says Oh youre awful fo #trying to pretend to have ocd you couldnt possible understand your evil. and if i say youre right then its Oh so why is having ocd such a #bad thing do you hate ppl with ocd you couldnt possible have ocd bc you think youre better than them youre awful but if i say I think youre #being a bit dramatic its like oh so what you think you can just claim to have whatever mental health issue you want. you think you can just #fake mental illnesses and use them as an excuse for why youre so horrible youre going to hell youre going to hell youre going to hell and #then it just loops eternally and i cant get it to stop unless i do little things to make it stop like hitting my head or scratching or #pacing in tempo or tapping rhythms . Which yes i know sounds like ocd . you do not have to tell me . but i cant think abt how it sounds #similar to ocd bc then its starting again.#and even the like. posting abt it is hard bc my brains like seeee youre just making it up for attention why do you haaave to talk abt it #where ppl can see. its so you can convince other ppl and trick them into thinking you have ocd . but its just that i always post whatever #i think abt on here this thing is my diary and also if i dont let people know what im thinking all the time it means im hiding things and i #evil . so . this is how it is

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arolesbianism · 1 year ago

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My endless cycle of thinking abt sekai characters and going into their tag to find fun fanart and then remembering why I don't go into character tags and immediately leaving