#i rly just couldnt. understand-
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college … wasted on the youth (me)
#didnt help that 2/4 yrs was covid telezoom but man.. MANNN#forgetting how impossible it is to pursue rhe degree plan u actually want (advising hell) i feel like . theres just#so many diff things i want to learn now Knowing that im more solidified in my interests and who i am and what i would be interested in doing#and like.😭RGAAAAAQH TEARING MYHAIR OUTTT every other week i have a night where im sititng there like damn i couldve been sm1 completely dif#dgmw i still rly enjoy some of the upper div classes i Did take but what if i took x and liked it more or minored in y and it led me to z#bc i do feel rly set in where i am rn which . i DO ! like it but im never gna be in that environment where u have the flexibility to explore#ykwim . i wish i had taken physics and calc srsly . i always thought i hated that shit but i like it. i like it quite a lot actually😟#or more geology .. urrghh.. sprinkle in sme extra art history . no bc thats what actu pissed me off ab school#i rmbr wanting to dual major and they straight up told me no i cant . but then i was like maybe an arts major bio minor when i wanted to do#science illustration but sry we dont offer bio minor . ok bio major arh or studio art minor . no sry not enough open spots we rly only#reserve it for when we have extra openings post admission❤️#and then even late into sophomore year u would still be last in registration so all the cool classes would be closed#and then bc of covid half that shit was cancelled bc they couldnt transfer labs online (rip comparative vertebrate anatomy)#and then by senior yr an additional collection of classes were unavailable bc u dont have the prereqs bc the prereqs were cancelled during#covid and u dont have enough semesters left to actually take it . like it was gen such an awful experience so ik why i couldnt ever do what#i wanted but .😭 AND LIKE the classes i DID enjoy like genomics or molecular genetics were closed by registration and i had to email and beg#for access . thts crazy .literally crazy .#anyways . i think i want 2 start reading textbooks bc i think thats the closest ill get LMAOO#i remember seeing my coworker read a textbook for fun one time and idk why i just didnt understand why bc it seemed so dry but i Get it now#like yeah .. u knew what was up ..#sad too that like . i could theoretically audit a course but i Work..during the day .. so sad . so sad#guys wht if i just said yes to grad school (<the devil talking.dont agree)
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if it wasn't for all the rude tourists i think i could be happy living here
#its rly pretty#but yea i tried to leave a cafe and got pushed out of the way by like 10 people trying to get in n didnt get a sorry or ty:c#got pushed into a bush bc they couldnt wait 2 seconds#they also dnt seem to understand that u need to move slightly to let people off of busy transport n they cant just force their way through u#i shouldnt b angry ab tourists bc i guess i am one too but tht type can be veryy frustrating#maybe i just dont like rude people n am just generalising idk#anyway im off to see a castle n stuff#and am vry sad about going home#i need another week or 10 in scotland
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ill just never get over this panel or how its the first time we see natsume visibly upset and sad from his own perspective (something we dont really see much of because of the way his character works), especially because the plant disintegrating in front of him is representing much more than a plant and he can never ever have anything good in his life without fearing it would be harmed in some way to discipline him.
#ga#gakuen alice#hyuuga natsume#baby. baby boy.#and yes i know and understand why natsume is told to stay away from mikan#and as much as i think the esp rly didnt want them interacting much#having one more thing to hold over natsumes head was probably useful for them too....#which is what he was afraid of and trying to avoid from the beginning just to see in this scene that it was all in vain#and that he couldnt hide how much mikan meant to him....#im gonna cry#anyway im gonna reread the manga soon and just post about all my thoughts that are nm and non-nm related#i think that could be fun bc i have a lot of thoughts and i always come up w more while reading#i also have to update my fic after so long hehe
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Chen bin did NOT deserve that. Fuck you link click S2
#only 2 police officers in this world that are good and they killed one#i dont remember if they killed the other one </3#rewatching rly helps w understanding the story fr#bc when i first watched s2 i totally forgot who liu min was#was like: who is this blonde man and why do we care so much abt him#also chen bin's ringtone is so dreadful for some reason#芷#link click#shiguang daili ren#sgdlr#not dreadful in like: That fucking sucks kinda way#dreadful like: Shit bro you just made me remember the fact that youre gonna die in like 12 hours#Crying the way Xiao Shi couldnt leave lu guang alone w qiao ling anymore because hes scared Lu Guang will get killed again
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cw anti st*ggy and st*cky joke:
its funny how much i hate st*ggy considering i also dont like st*cky romantically
#but funnily enough i AM a steve/sam and b*cky/sam girl#but thats the one poly i wont approve of#for me u do u friends#how many tags do i have to do before it no longer shows up in tags brw#bc the fandoms for both of those ships are vile#esp when u admit to preferring sam w both of them they just get plain r*cist sometimes#i know its 20 to stay out of the tags but#will 20 also stop the flaggings from picking it up bc i dont wanna do that either#i wanna make sure your tag blocks work yknow#wtf even is sam and b/uckys pairing name#like im a b/uckyn/at aka w/interwi/dow girlie as well and they have both#is it like… w/interfa/lcon????#why is b/uckys name first it should be sams#honestly that fandom is wild if you talk abt ships nnur ships arent the popular ones like#i woll dully admit i ship wild stuff too#not rly wild if m*rv*l cared enough to actually build the rels peoperly but like#as a comic reader im a st*ron fan and im forever mad at how they#royally fucked up sh/arons story just bc they wanted to fuck w h/ayley a/twell a known woman hater posing as a f/eminist#i do like st*ny but only when done right bc lbr… they couldnt even do theirn#friendship right enough to make cw actually impactful#and i dont understand why ‘literally was earning almost a billion per movie at the time even before they all were’ m*rv*l#chose to fuck w what cap 3 was to ‘compete w b/atman v s/uperman’ like#they had zero to worry abt ppl wont even pay attention to zacks films and pick apart anything to hate they can#ppl hate subtle storytelling which is how he storytells he hates shoving the plot in your face he wants you to overthink it#and they were launching the universe then like it was NEVER going to be a competition they just freaked tf out for no reason#losers#ima tag them now hopefully i dont end up int he tags if u have those antis blacklisted lmk if it works#anti steggy#anti stucky
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my manager is WAY too fucking nice to me im gonna explode
#emeto tw#emeto cw#in tags ->#i started having a panic attack at work earlier but i didnt really get the chance to go in back and chill for a bit so it just got worse#like REALLY fucking bad worse than ive had in . at least years maybe Ever. i have not thrown up in over a decade now but#i started fucking dry heaving behind the register i REALLY thought i was going to be sick it was a close thing#i couldnt even call my coworker up i just had to fucking dip and pray she realized i was gone (she did thank fuck)#and then i was shaking really bad really freaking out still fucking dry heaving in the back of the store and it was just.#easily one of the worst experiences ive had in a LONG time like december will not leave me alone <- covid then appendicitis and now this WH#and my manager hadnt been in the store at the time but she came in thru the back and saw me and i was like hey haha funny story#and she was so concerned and told me to stay in back as long as i needed and that i could go home if i wanted to etc etc#ended up bringing my bag back for me and bringing me water and she checked in on me every 5-10 mins until my parents finally got there#she was rly nice and rly understanding and then the coworker i abandoned who is also kind of my manager. also came back#and SHE was ALSO super fucking sweet about it really concerned didnt want me to feel bad abt it (i feel so fucking bad abt it)#i did end up having to go home early bc. dear god. and i texted my manager just now asking if i could leave a bit earlier tomorrow#bc im supposed to have another 8 hour shift but i didnt even make it to 4 hours today and im rly nervy abt it happening again#and she straight up was like 'are you sure? i was genuinely planning on covering your shift myself' SHE DOESNT EVEN WORK UP FRONT#SHE'D BE GOING BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN THE REGISTER AND KITCHEN AND SHE'D BE THERE FOR AT LEAST OVER 12 HOURS#like okay. okay. when i texted my parents abt it dad told me 'its probably just nerves. try to push through it'#but my manager and coworkers r gonna be the sweetest kindest most understanding people about it. okay. sure. okay.#surely u see why i am exploding WHY ARE THEY SO NICE?????????? i feel so fucking guilty GOD#alyalyoxenfree
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You ever had a friendship where like you kind of faded out of each other's lives for a period of time and then re-bonded without ever really addressing the distance so now every time one of you mentions something you never told the other one during The Dark Time you both just have to be like "yeah, this massive thing that happened to me that we didn't talk about at the time but I totally wanted to tell you about but it felt like I couldn't talk to you but I'm also not gonna say it was your fault because I don't want to drive you away again but I know and you know exactly what it is we're not talking about"
#like. i dont blame her for what happened#she was going through a lot of bullshit and i was getting into my current relationship with our mutual friend#and the mutual friend in question it turns out had rejected her like a month and a half before asking me out#so like. things were weird and i dont blame her for not wanting to make a whole thing out of it#and i also get how it would be hard to see me like that with someone you had interest in#but also from my perspective at the time i started dating a boy i liked and my best friend just decided she couldnt be around me anymore#and even though i now have the full context and it doesnt hurt as badly theres still a part of me carrying resentment over it#ive stopped pretending this is relatable content and now im just using the tags on this post as my diary#like on the one hand i know this friendship is worth it because we're stronger than ever now#and shes gotten so much better about vulnerability and admitting i matter to her and communicating in general#but on the other hand it just keeps feeling like theres this elephant in the room that neither one of us has any idea how to address#and like i dont even know if it would be better if we did address it#like 'hey btw i know you had a crush on my now bf and tried to kiss him one time and then didnt tell me when he shrugged you off'#'i also know how much you tried to pretend it didnt hurt you but you distanced yourself from half your friends to avoid having to face it'#'and at the time it was rly frustrating because you acted like me being happy in a healthy relationship was a personal inconvenience to u'#'but i understand now and i forgive you and im glad you came back around eventually because i love you and i missed you'#or can all of those things just remain unsaid and understood
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#delete later#the decision between microdosing bg3 spoilers in order to msybe reduce the amount i will be overwhelmed when playing it#anf not looking at anything bc the interest level is getting to the point of i may end up having a panic attack#i saw one of the voice actors is from near where i grew up and got super excited bc no one ever knows my hometown and that#has NOT helped so now i know im getting pulled in whether i want to or not. so noe its just trying to mediate its effects#try and make it so i dont get so overwhelmed that i start having panic attacks and meltdowns#i think im just gonna have to stay away from his character completely until ive properly chilled. no idea why but any like#thing where my hometown is mentioned just makes me super syper super happy and that is like the QUICKEST way for me#to get panic level overwhelmed#its a really odd one and i really dont understand why it happens but it does#microdosing may be the wwy to go otherwise ill build it up to the point that i won't be able to play it bc of the anxiety#autism is wild i rly wish i didnt have it. in good news i problem solved very well today. it did make me so exhausted and#overstimulated that i couldnt do anything else today but hey. i still managed. im so anxious about next week. itll be fine though#also since i haven't had a media special interest for a hot minute ive been able to become more aware of the bits of it that are#unhealthy in terms of my mental health abd im gonna have to do a lot of picking abd choosing what to interact with#which is going to make media special interests straight up less fun but also i know that that shit can fuck up ny brain#way more than like bugs or folk tales.#one of which is avoiding stuff about the real ppl behind it bc cementing stuff ij reslity with real ppl can make things worse#in my brain bc i tend to gave difficulty seperating ecerything anyway#i daydream constantly and i need that to stay with fictional things bc if it goes into reality things it starts to get way worse#this ended up being a weird rant about how my brain struggles to stay in reality but that's fine ignore me
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God i am way too emotionally fragile, cant even withstand my brother yelling at me lol
#jazposts#ughhhhhh i hate being screamed at and called an idiot#i mean i deserve it but like#man i was too overwhelmed i couldnt understand what he wanted me to say my brain is just too slow#im sure he was joking but still hurt#locked in the bathroom so i can cry where no one will see lol#dont want them thinking im *that* big of a baby :P#just not having a good year.#rly even the smallest things make me cry this month. sucks.
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the worst part is like . I know it sounds like ocd and i know a lot of ppl with ocd and i watch them talk abt their experiences and i relate a ton but then my brains like How dare you relate to them and try to compare. youre just an evil person and youre trying to pretend you have ocd . and its actually different and the fact you even thought for a second "oh thats similar to what i experience" means that you will be a bad person forever and you cant fix it and you need to go to hell. and you dont have ocd youre just actually an evil person. so i cant actually let myself think abt it being ocd basically
#And like you know . i dont actually know what it is and i cant like. Decide i do bc i relate a lot to ppl who do have it . its just even if#i dont say I think i have ocd bc i relate to this. i cant even think Oh i relate to this without feeling like an awful person. you know .#does this make sense to anybody at all. its very very exhausting#also this is phrasing it like being ocd is the same thing as being evil Obviously it isnt i just mean like ik a lot pf ppl with ocd#experience similar like. worrying theyre an evil person and i also do that but my brain says that i actually Am an evil person as opposed t#just. worrying that i am. and that i only worry abt it bc its true. ok .#idk i worry i sound whiny as hell in these posts im sorry 😭 its just rly kicking my ass tonight the terrors#but its like. no matter what i do im evil bc if i think to myself Oh i relate a bit to this person with ocd my brain says Oh youre awful fo#trying to pretend to have ocd you couldnt possible understand your evil. and if i say youre right then its Oh so why is having ocd such a#bad thing do you hate ppl with ocd you couldnt possible have ocd bc you think youre better than them youre awful but if i say I think youre#being a bit dramatic its like oh so what you think you can just claim to have whatever mental health issue you want. you think you can just#fake mental illnesses and use them as an excuse for why youre so horrible youre going to hell youre going to hell youre going to hell and#then it just loops eternally and i cant get it to stop unless i do little things to make it stop like hitting my head or scratching or#pacing in tempo or tapping rhythms . Which yes i know sounds like ocd . you do not have to tell me . but i cant think abt how it sounds#similar to ocd bc then its starting again.#and even the like. posting abt it is hard bc my brains like seeee youre just making it up for attention why do you haaave to talk abt it#where ppl can see. its so you can convince other ppl and trick them into thinking you have ocd . but its just that i always post whatever#i think abt on here this thing is my diary and also if i dont let people know what im thinking all the time it means im hiding things and i#evil . so . this is how it is
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My endless cycle of thinking abt sekai characters and going into their tag to find fun fanart and then remembering why I don't go into character tags and immediately leaving
#rat rambles#this is abt kanade a good 90% of the time. none of yall get her#its just like. shes soooo facinating and fun to analyse and then you look at other ppl talking abt her and its all just mom friend jokes#which she is. so fucking not. opposite even. dude she can barely take care of herself.#like she tries her best to help the others when she can but like you can just feel how much she is stumbling her way through it#like its implied that before 25ji (and honami also ig) she never rly had like. friends before.#which just adds a whole other layer to her already layered social awkwardness#and her struggle to properly like. connect to ppl past a surface level.#like shes trying lord knows shes trying but she just doesnt know how to actually relate to the ppl she wants to help very well#which is why the past few 25ji events have been facinating to me as its a lot of mafuyu's situating actually fully clicking#suddenly mafuyu isnt just a person she's trying to vaguely save but a person whos actually in real tangable danger#suddenly mafuyu's pain starts to finally make sense in a way it just didnt before to her. it becomes real in a way it wasnt to her before.#not to say that she couldnt recognise mafuyu's suffering or emotions at all or anything and she still genuinely cared before#but one fun kanade thing is that she kind of stuggles to properly like. empathise with ppl.#she cares and on a surface level doesnt like the idea of the ppl she cares abt struggling#but she rly rly struggles to actually like. understand their pain beyond that. she knows theyre hurting but cant properly connect to it all#aka shes low empathy and I love that abt her#generally I just think the big thing most ppl dont rly get is just how isolated and socially awkward kanade is even with good friends#like she just. doesnt know what to say half the time. and while shes gotten a lot better over time at the whole having friends thing it#still very much shows that shes still figuring out this whole. having real friends thing.#next step is to learn to be a lil less painfully passive abt everything lol#grabbing and shaking sekai and begging them to take kanade's curent arc somewhere interesting instead of just moving on#Im less hopeless than I was at her last banner but Im still hesitant to put in my full faith#there are so many things they could do with her but I worry theyll just like. do nothing.#well not nothing nothing but nothing that moves kanade forward as a character in a meaningful way#like itll either have to be like soon soon or another few rotations which is the annoying part </3#anyways hashtag shower time
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feeling absolutely pathetic for no reason again this thursday afternoon 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
#i shouldnt be hung up over this its been months it happened in april and it was out of your control#like. okay sure ur childhood friends since kindergarten that you hadnt gotten to meet up with in person suddenly cant make it to the hangout#we planned since a month or two in advance. yeah it was fine! cant be helped! one of them had a family trip i understand that much#but the other just. because she had hung out w her other friends the day before unplanned. knowing we still promised to meet up#and then ended up too tired to make it too and cancelled last min#glad she had fun and is having fun w her new friends!!! people she can meet w anytime every day surely is a lot better than a someone whos#tried to cling on for 13 years. its not like it was the one thing i was looking forward to all month its not like i cried that night#we havent seen each other in five years compared to them its an obvious choice whod be better company ofc!!!!#and i know she apologized and i know she really was sorry but i just cant help but think that maybe she couldnt care less abt me anymore#and like understandable. nobody would rly choose me in the end would they#graj get out get out get out thoughts u r literally just recovering from an awful fever just keep urself busy and stop staring at the group#chat filled w almost nothing but talks abt her and her new friends and bf#duck rants about something
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i just had the worst mind blank ever
#i was like 'what was that one piece of media that was like this one dude was some really fucked up dude in a past life'#like b a d#like hitler bad#and i couldn't figure it out cos my brain has been rly on rdr2 rn so i just couldnt remember anything having to do w past lives#and then i remembered#that one soulmate atla fic i think#i think it was soulmates#and zuko was sozin in his past life#nd was worried the gaang would cast him out#for a past life#i didnt understand that fic at all
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banana fish has absolutely ruined me ..
#IM MADDDDDDDDDDDD#i dont understand omg#just screamed abt it on twt LOL but like ???#why couldnt they just let my boys b happy im absoluuutely sickened#i just .. so many words#i could rly go on and on abt them forever n i dont LIKE that NOOOOOO#like pls i wanna b normal FUCKK!!!#wheres that picture of spongebob screaming in squidward's face that's me rn LOL#not the one in bed where he had to take care of em - the one where he thought he got promoted 😭😭#i want life before this back LMFAOOO#chatter#banana fish#tv diary#jho watches
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completed the game btw 👍
laptop crashed on me trying to open elden ring the final straw 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
#ill start an ng+ run to get the other endings another time. not rn cuz its late#man. what a fucking day#just one thing after another this week. if anything else happens i dont think ill be able to handle it#context for earlier breakdown btw was that my friends including some i havent seen for months all took a trip together to hang out today#which i didnt know about. bc i muted their discord server this week bc ive been rly stressed out and last week i upset one-#of them bc i got angry abt smth i misunderstood + anyway i did apologise but i took a break so i wouldnt just say shit spur of the moment#when im in a bad mood and not thinking and its been a difficult week so its lasted longer than planned i just didnt want to risk it#the onlt reason it happened last week was bc i was having such a shitty time.on the higher med dose i hate upsetting ppl i normally have#a tight lid on how i react to other ppl even if i dont have a tight lid on my emotions generally i feel so guilty for.it still#but anyway yeah. and it was my birthday monday which i found rly hard and i rly wanted to be better this year and be able to celebrate it#but i couldnt and i spent the day having a breakdown instead. and then it took me a few days to feel recovered from that and on thurs i#was gonna go to the climbing club which ive been wanting to do for months but havent been able to for various reasons but everything#aligned but i got into that shitty bike accident and then i was looking forward to the music festival today but couldnt fucking go to that#either so its just been one thing that shouldve been nice taken away after another i was feeling really really shit abt it this morning#and then i check discord for the first time in a week and theyve spontaneouslt decided to do this#today and no one invited me my flatmates been around me in person and she didnt even mention it at all which u know what is fair enough#i would understand if she was still upset at me i know she prefers to hang out with them without me she organised another thing next week#with them that she didnt want me coming to but she did tell me abt it anyway i dont know i guess i deserve it a bit bc ive been a shitty#friend lately i guess so thats that anyway. but still it just felt so horribly unfair i dont think ive been that bad. maybe i have#and maybe none of.them even like me anyway i would understand. i got.rly upset at my flatmate for not caring abt the bike crash and#leaving when i started crying about it but really that was fair i kind of had it coming so didnt deserve her sympathy#its just karma at the end of the day i guess. i hope they had a nice time anyway and i hope they have a nice time next week too#i just need to find a way ofnot getting so upset over it but its so hard with rejection sensitivity i hate missing out jt hurts me so much#but i know they have a better time without me there i need to be less selfish and have more grace abt it oh but its so hard#snd ive been feeling so lonely it wouldve been so nice to see them but it doesnr matter#anyway thats all it was. i dont feel so upset abt it anymore like its over now anyway im just really tired#but want to dump it all on here so its not floatinf round my head when im trying to sleep. jts okay i get the message now#and i wont intrude again ill leave them all be for now im sorry#crawlinf to the bathroom to brush my.teeth and then falling straight asleep i hope. goodnight
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I will give you a shiny quarter if you explain Morrowind to me like I’m five (pretty please)
its is quite difficult given i dont know how complex of topics 5 year olds can understand. but i can try to explain it in the most simple way possible because i explain it regularly to one of my roommates and wife who do not understand elder scrolls lore at all. be warned: this is still gonna be long and weird bc the story is long and weird.
(also excuse the swearing i wouldnt swear like this to a 5 year old)
a long long times ago, some 3000+ years before the game actually starts, there was a dude named nerevar. he made friends with some dwarves (dwemer) who lived underground and united the whole country of resdayn (later renamed to morrowind) to drive out the nords who had taken over. he also had a rly cool ring named moon-and-star, which was magic and let you be really persuasive, but he also enchanted it to kill anyone besides him wearing it so it couldnt be misused. this is relevant later
well he married the queen almalexia and made a big council of important people mostly made up of his buddies. he called it the first council and important people on it were his bestie voryn, his wife almalexia, and two younger friends sotha sil and vivec, along with the king of the dwemer dumac and dumac's mage kagrenac (the dwarves use weird magic with sound. if i go into details this will get very confusing).
for like 200 years because elves live for a long time, everything was pretty alright.
but it turns out the nords were there for a reason. they were looking for the heart of a dead god. the god's name for the sake of the story is lorkhan, but different places call him different things like shor or shezzar. the nords worshipped lorkhan and wanted to bring him back or something (probably, or at least just find it because hey thats their guy). but after 200 years of peace the dwemer found it underground in a volcano they lived in. and kagrenac had an Idea
the idea was to build a really cool really powerful giant robot mecha god (because the dwemer were really steampunk) to protect them. and it would be powered by the heart lorkhan.
voryn, nerevar's bestie, ended up finding out about this and told nerevar "hey the dwemer are up to something weird". and nerevar went "huh? they are?" and went to ask his goddess, azura, who knows a lot of things. azura said "yeah they are. stop them. what the fuck" and so nerevar went to his other bestie dumac.
and nerevar told dumac "hey why the fuck are you building a giant robot god?" and dumac's reply was "nerevar what the fuck are you talking about?" and nerevar, being mad his friend was Lying to him (maybe dumac didn't know. we dunno) because he already had multiple people confirm they were in fact doing that, he told dumac their friendship was over and kicked him off the first council and they went to war.
the details here get fuzzy. the nords showed up and joined in. the dwemer had steampunk robots everywhere. cat people showed up because why not. there were orcs there too. it was a big clusterfuck and there were different accounts of what happened. some people say voryn was fighting alongside the dwarves. some say he was fighting with the nords. some say he was fighting alongside nerevar. its hard to tell.
but most accounts have one thing kind of in common that a lot of the fandom agrees on: kagrenac grabbed their three cool tools to control the heart of a god, banged on it really hard, and then every single dwemer (except for one who was on holiday) vanished in an instant. and everyone was pretty confused by that, not really knowing what else to do. they now had a giant robot, the heart of a god, and 3 tools to wack the heart with to make weird shit happen.
so nerevar, unsure, said "hey voryn watch the tools for me." and left voryn with the tools and the heart. voryn said they should just destroy the tools, but nerevar wanted a few different opinions before just chucking them in lava or whatever. but while he was gone voryn started fucking around with the tools and the heart to see what would happen.
nerevar asked his buddies. almalexia, vivec, and sotha sil said they can use the tools to help resdayn/morrowind. nerevar didnt know if that was a good idea or not, so he asked azura. azura said "fuck no, dont ever do that". so nerevar made his friends pinkie promise him on azura's behalf not to use the tools on the heart.
and then again the accounts get weird here. some say nerevar died in battle against the dwarves/nords. some say voryn killed him. some say his friends (almalexia, vivec, and sotha sil) killed him. but regardless nerevar and voryn died. almalexia, sotha sil, and vivec had the tools. and they decided to use them on the heart and became gods.
this pissed azura off. they pinkie promised. what the fuck. so she made all the elves that lived there into dark elves. almalexia, sotha sil, and vivec became known as the tribunal and said "we dont need you anymore azura fuck off" and became living gods who could help their people and preform miracles! though they needed to take the tools up to red mountain and recharge their batteries on the heart regularly. azura tells them "nerevar will be back one day and beat all your asses" and made a whole prophecy about it called the nerevarine prophecy (reincarnations get the name+'ine' tacked on in the elder scrolls)
also the tribunal destroy voryn's house/family, the sixth great house of morrowind, house dagoth. just destroy it all. kill a bunch of ppl and the others kinda go somewhere else if they lived. because they sided with voryn or whatever and were deemed traitors
a bunch of other shit happens. septim empire rises to the throne. vivec trades the not working robot to tiber septim who makes it work with a bootleg wish version of the heart of a god and takes over. more time passes. its now the third era and its been 3500 years.
the protagonist is a prisoner who is released from their sentence in morrowind because the current emperor wants to use the prophecy to keep a better hold on morrowind politically. the protagonist was chosen because part of the prophecy is being born under a specific astrology sign and not knowing who your parents are. which could be anyone but y'know.
so the protag/nerevarine has to do a bunch of shit and finds out through weird dreams, oh hey, voryn's back. he's calling himself a god and dagoth ur now. asking nerevar to call him back, go grab the tools, and come meet him at red mountain. also maybe get married to or hook up with him or something. nerevarine thinks that's weird and ends up finding out dagoth ur has also unleashed a plague onto morrowind which turns you into scary eldritch monsters. and then one of dagoth ur's minions infects you with it.
nerevarine finds a cure which makes you not go insane and not turn into a big scary monster. but leaves all the cool shit of "you cant catch any other disease" and "you will never age". the never aging and getting diseases thing was also part of the prophecy. cool.
then the nerevarine needs to go to the nomadic ashlanders who live up north where theres a bunch of ash (hence the name) and worship azura (and the two other og gods) and ask all four tribes to name them nerevarine. they all think youre stupid because an outlander (someone not born and raised in morrowind) cant be the nerevarine. but you find an original copy of the prophecy and go "nuh-uh, i can be" and also go find the moon-and-star ring only nerevar can wear. then they go "well shit" and have you go a bunch of quests and then decide you're cool enough to be nerevarine.
then the nerevarine goes and convinces the three great houses you can talk to (the other two are on the mainland) to name you hortator, which is a war lord/classic roman definition of dictator, and it was the title nerevar had. you do some stuff, kill some guys, boom--named hortator.
then vivec hears about this and calls you in and says "well i guess you are the one doing the prophecy huh. look i need you to kill dagoth ur he's dangerous. here's our plan, are you in? i can give you one of the tools of kagrenac, you need to get the other two from dagoth ur's goons, and then kill dagoth ur's weird brothers he has put his power into. then bang on the heart with the tools and cut him off". vivec then teaches the nerevarine how to use the tools.
you can also just like. kill vivec and take the tool. you wont know how to use it tho and if you use it wrong you will take so much damage you die really fast. if you do this you can go to the only living dwarf who also has that disease but hasnt lost his mind and ask him how to use it and he'll be like "UHHHHHH i'll see what i can. fucking do i guess. i didnt make this." and he'll jerry rig it for you.
then you can kill voryn's brothers or not (you'll need to kill at least 2 for the other tools) and then march up to red mountain. dagoth ur will then be like "yo. are you really nerevar?" and you can say yeah or no or idk. and then have a conversation. and then you fight. but after you kill him he's not really dead, so you gotta run up and start wacking that heart while he yells at you to knock it the fuck off. and then he's cut off from the heart, you run away, and he falls in lava and dies.
and then azura shows up and goes "hey thanks man i have some other shit for you to do though". after which you can do some other content or play the dlc.
thats morrowind baby
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