#and then ended up too tired to make it too and cancelled last min

[chiisana-lion]

feeling absolutely pathetic for no reason again this thursday afternoon 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

[madridfangirl]

Star crossed lovers (Jude Bellingham fic)

Chapter 5

(Series Link)

Jude * female reader. Mature Language in parts.

Synopsis: A chance encounter in a tiny Madrid cafe with the newest superstar of her fav club. The two couldn't be more different, yet both feel the pull toward the other. Would this girl be the one he finally falls for? Would she make him change his ways? Even though she resists him every step of the way, would he fight all odds (& her) to have her in his life? Or would life come in the way of these star-crossed lovers?

..........................................................

Ananya reached her apartment around 1 am. Roma was not back yet, thankfully. She wasn’t ready for her interrogation. 

The night still felt surreal. She leaned against the dining table and held on to the edges to steady the head-rush she was feeling. If the Tupperware of leftover pasta was not in front of her (he had insisted she took some coz she had barely eaten), the girl would have seriously wondered if she had hallucinated the whole thing. But no, this really happened. And she didn’t bail on whatever this was, as she had initially planned to do.

The wine was still buzzing in her system, helping calm her nerves. Before turning in for the night, she sent him a quick message.

Ananya: Reached 15 mins ago. Thanks for the drop. 

She wasn’t expecting a response. He must have a ton of people to talk to / respond to after the match earlier that night. So she started an episode of Friends, hoping to fall asleep in a bit.

5 mins later, her phone flashed.

Jude: Cool. Tired?

Ananya: Oh yeah, in bed already. You?

She rubbed her temple to soothe her straining eyes. It had been some day. 

Jude: Wanted to crash but some of the guys still partying at Vini’s house. Cama kept sending me videos, gosh he’s so wasted right now. Came there for a bit.

She smiled at her phone. The team deserved every bit of celebration tonight.

Ananya: That’s nice. Have fun :)

Jude: Yup. What plans for tmrw? Boss cancelled our training so I am free till afternoon. 

Ananya: Have to work a few hours in the morning, which might extend, not sure.

Jude: On Sunday morning?

Ananya: Welcome to investment banking.

Jude: Keep forgetting how smart you are.

Ananya: Not that smart, but ok :)

Jude: So, I have an ad shoot tomorrow evening, then flying out for an away game on Monday after training. Don’t know when I will see you next.

A wave of sadness hit her, surprising her with its force. Her brain admonished her. She had only just met him and she needed to get a grip. 

Ananya: It’s fine. Will figure something when you are back.

Jude: Hmm. Haven’t even kissed you yet and you are already messing with my head.

The sadness was replaced by a warm shiver as she stared at the screen and thought of a response. But couldn’t come up with any.

Jude: Did you just fall asleep on me? 

Ananya: Stop being dramatic. I am right here.

Jude: Naa, wish you were HERE. Why’d you leave?

Ananya: Jude, you know why.

There was something about the way she said his name that made him want to hear it on loop, in various settings. God damnit this girl.

Jude: Yeah yeah. You thought we won’t be able to keep it in our pants.

She choked on water, and some spilled out on her blanket. 

Ananya: How drunk are you?

Jude: Plentyyyy. Don even know what’s been shoved down my throat anymore. 

Ananya: Figures :)

Jude: One last thing. Veryyyy important, like proper critical. 

Ananya: Yes?

Jude: Need to see you in my jersey. 

She smiled to herself before typing.

Ananya: Maybe win the Madrid derby next, score the winner, and then we’ll talk?

Jude: Tough, tough crowd. No mercy. No rest for the wicked. No respect for the Classico winner. 

He was even more dramatic when he was drunk. She could almost hear the whining from his texts.

Ananya: Good night, Jude :)

Jude: Good night, dove. Try not to dream of me too much. Mwahhh!

She smiled at the screen and ended up kissing it, finally drifting off to sleep.

Next morning, she woke up to a message from him. Sent at 5 am. A drunk out of their wits pic with Jude, Cama and Fede. Along with a caption.

Jude: Your preciousss Cama.

Then, another message from a few seconds later.

Jude: Don’t stare too long. 

She responded with a heart emoji to the picture and got started with her day.

Next few hours were hectic. She got into her work mode, shutting out all the madness that had transpired the day before.

Still, in between, her eyes drifted to her phone, to see if there were any new messages. Poor guy must have been sleeping. Or busy. He did say he had an ad shoot in the second half.

She somehow pulled through the day, and it was almost 5 pm when she finally finished work. Roma was also on the same project. The girls sighed about it being Monday morning just  next day, and decided to make the most of their remaining evening. 

They ended up at the same cafe where Ananya had met him the other day. Was it just two days ago? God - so much had happened since then.

She ordered her favourite churros and took a picture. Then wondered whether she should send it to him. Would it look desperate? Like she was just seeking his attention? She couldn’t have that.

But it was a harmless pic. He would get the reference. Deciding to not overthink it, she ended up sending the photo with a caption.

Ananya: Back to ground zero!

No blue tick for over 15 mins.

Roma rolled her eyes at her then.

‘Can you stop the sappiness? Look around - lovely day. Lovely food. Let’s get some Sangria and let the world go to hell.’

Her roommate was the best. The two perfectly complimented each other. Plus, her American upbringing lent her this carefree attitude which Ananya really wished to imbibe.

‘Well, how can anyone say no to Sangria?’

The girls ordered a pitcher and ended up staying there for a few hours. Gossiping about their colleagues. Talking about life. Planning a vacation - Sevilla and Granada were top of their list. They looked up their calendars and found a long weekend that seemed ideal. The prospect itself making them cheerful.

By the time they got back, it was already 9 pm. There was still nothing from him. Not even a blue tick. She knew he was working. Yet, an ugly thought still creeped in - was this just a one night distraction? Did he already…lose interest after she dumped her constraints on him? All her doubts from last night came rushing back, leaving an unpleasant taste in her mouth.

She got into bed and tried watching a movie. Anything random to keep her thoughts at bay. While scrolling through her insta.

And there it was - a post from him a few mins ago about the ad campaign for a cologne. With a gorgeous, stunning model at his arm. Ofcourse. 

The first photo looked like a part of the creative. The two were dressed immaculately in all black, she was leaning against his chest while his hand rested just above her butt. Seductiveness oozing from every inch of that frame.

The next was a BTS video - of him just being goofy on set while getting ready or trying to take a shot & not getting it right. The whole crew just getting charmed by his antics and boyish smiles. The model, in particular being extra supportive, extra attentive, giggling a bit too hard while holding onto his arm. Perfect hair, perfect figure and perfect skin. Ofcourse. 

And just then, her insta reels recommendation showed Jude hugging multiple female fans who had lined up outside his shoot. They screamed his name, begging for hugs and he obliged. Warm, cozy, Jude hugs. Granted he only wrapped one arm around their shoulder and looked embarrassed when some of them reached up to kiss his cheek or pulled him closer, but still. This wasn’t something she needed to see right now. 

Was this going to be her life from now on? Curled into bed, following his activities on social media, feeling inadequate. She didn’t deserve it. No girl deserved this. 

She threw her phone aside and forced herself to focus on the movie. It was already 9:45, it would be best to get some sleep soon. Next week was going to be super hectic at work. Yes, work is what she needed do focus on. That’s why she was halfway across the world in this city. That was her goal in life right now. Not some ridiculously handsome random boy who made women go weak in their knees everywhere he went. 

Around 10 pm, her phone buzzed. She had tucked herself into bed by then and almost decided to not look at it. But curiosity got the better of her.

Jude: Heyyy. Sorry my phone was not with me. Just getting back from a shoot.

She was equal parts relieved and irritated with that message. Ananya took a deep breath to calm herself down, and thought of a neutral response.

Ananya: Oh yeah, you had mentioned. How did it go?

Jude: Not too bad. Somehow got an ok on my take, that’s all I care about honestly. This acting gig ain’t no joke. 

Ananya: Hmm.

Jude: Churros looked lovely. Hope you had fun.

Ananya: Yep, and yep.

Jude: Tired? Am I keeping you from something?

Ananya: Nope. 

Jude: Why so wry then? What’s happened?

Oh, how she wanted to scream. What’s happened was exactly what she didn’t want to happen. What she swore she won’t put herself through with another boy. And this was amplified 1000 times here coz of who Jude was. 

She started typing, then deleted, then typed again, unable to find the right words. This went on for two mins. 

Jude: Can I call?

She sighed, exasperated. Her voice will immediately give away her irritated and confused state. But he knew something was up and typing like this was getting exhausting.

Ananya: Sure.

He called the next second. She braced herself, then answered. 

‘Hey.’

She couldn’t have possibly made it sound drier even if she tried. 

‘Hey. Wassup?’

‘Nothing, was just about to crash. Already in bed.’

‘Hmm, won’t keep you for long. Just wanna hear your voice.’

Damn him. To the moon and back. Damn his sweet agonising voice. 

‘Why? Looks like you had enough company today.’

The words just tumbled out of her before she could check herself. Great going girl, way to make yourself look pathetic. 

He paused for a few seconds.

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

‘Nothing, forget it.’

‘Tell me you’ll sort this on your own and wake up all fine tomorrow morning, I’ll leave it be.’

She knew that wasn’t gonna happen. There was also no way for this to ever work if she wasn’t honest with him. Especially given his situation, things will just compound and then break very quickly. If they ever even get started, that is. 

‘The photos bothered me a bit.’

She could sigh him breathe audibly at the other end - probably getting irritated at her insecurity. Or her immaturity. Maybe both. 

‘What about them bothered you?’

Damn him for always making her spell everything out loud.

‘Just…her? Everything about that stunning woman. Looks like she fancied you.’

She could tell the wheels were churning in his mind at the other end.

‘I see. And you think I should be with someone like her. In fact, maybe I am going to her hotel room right now & talking to you on the way.’

Her silence was deafening. Jude gripped the edge of his seat to not curse out loud. 

‘Ananya - didn’t we speak about this last night? Are we gonna go back full circle here?’

‘I am sorry. It’s just - I don’t know how I could ever compete with someone like that. Also, I don’t want to. I am a normal, regular girl Jude. Don’t need that in my life right now, or ever.’

‘YOU DON’T HAVE TO COMPETE. Can’t you see you have already won?’

Warmth and fuzziness ran over her, making her feel gooey inside. She had to clutch her tummy to arrest that feeling. To arrest the freefall. 

‘You don’t know what’s gonna happen.’

Jude fought the urge to throw his phone against the opposite seat. 

‘DO YOU? Does anyone? Girl, why don’t you believe me when I say I want you? Should I list down how much I have fantasised about you the last two days? How much I wanna…..’

‘Stop, please stop Jude. Please.’

Both were breathing heavily at this point, for different reasons.

‘Can I ask you for one thing, Ananya? Try trusting me till I give you an explicit reason not to. I am not such a dog, y’know. Yes, I have seen multiple girls together before but all parties KNEW it was casual. No commitments. This is not that. This is not a situationship. I would have told you to your face if that’s what I was looking for.’

She clutched her phone close to her chest. Him being who he was had made it all so hard. But he was right - he hadn’t done anything. Well, not yet. 

‘I don’t know what to say, Jude. Like I know a lot of this is in my head but I don’t know how to make it go away.’

Heavy breathing continued at both ends. He broke the silence after a few moments. 

‘How about this? Ask me what you really wanna ask me. All your unsaid questions, assumptions, perceptions about me that make you want to distance yourself. I won’t lie, promise. Be the smart girl I know you are and break it down like you will a work project.’

That was actually a fair suggestion. She could see what he was trying to do by appealing to her logical side. Not just a pretty face. Clearly not. 

She chucked her inhibitions on how crude her questions might sound. He was right - without this they would keep coming back full circle.

‘So…when you said you were dating multiple women together..’

‘Seeing…not dating.’

He clarified before she could go on. It was an important distinction for him. 

‘Yes, seeing them together, how long back was that?’

‘In Dortmund.’

‘Hmmm.’

She didn’t know how to feel about that. So she skipped to the next obvious question.

‘And…what about Madrid?’

‘Seen a couple, texted a couple, but not at the same time.’

‘Ok. When was the last time you were…you know..’

He understood the question before her finishing it.

‘Two weeks ago.’

‘I see.’

That wasn’t too long back. Was he still in touch with her? Did they meet up at his house? Something about the last thought made her feel icky.

‘And, these rendezvous, usually happen where?’

He chuckled at her choice of words. She really was something. 

‘At a hotel close by. It’s a private, exclusive property.’

‘Ofcourse.’

He could tell there was a tinge of sarcasm in that last word but chose to let it go.

‘Are you in touch with her….the last one?’

‘Not since a week.’

She was feeling particularly bold at this point. Jude could anticipate her next question from a mile away.

‘Well, are you planning to?’

‘Nope. Not her. Not anyone else. I will only be with you and you will only be with me. Exclusively.’

He declared without hesitation. Her mouth open and closed at his last line, unsure of how to react. He waited patiently. 

‘And what about the hordes of women who throw themselves at you daily? Who would do absolutely anything you want, and more?’

‘There is no easy fix here. You will have to find a way to believe that I will not stray, I will not indulge them.’

He could have backed his statement with evidence. Coz the model from today did slip him her number & he had politely wriggled out of that. But even he had the good sense to know this wasn't the time to bring that up.

She appreciated how he didn’t try to feed her any rosy crap, really following through on answering honestly. His tone & speed of response gave her enough assurance that he wasn’t being evasive. 

She had run out of questions and said as much to him. Weirdly, in some inexplicable way, this was healing.

‘My turn then.’

This caught her off guard. But it was a fair ask, after the grilling she just put him through. 

‘Sure, go ahead.’

‘Open your door in precisely 1 minute. I will ask in person.’

The phone dropped from her hand as she sat up, landing somewhere under the blanket. She reached for it blindly with one hand while switching on the lights with the other. 

‘What do you mean in person? You don’t know where I live.’

‘Agnes knows.’

Ofcourse. His driver had dropped her home last night. Great, his presence was making her dumb now.

‘But….what if someone sees you? Roma is home too. The house is so messy. And I am, I am..One second, your shoot was on the other side of town and this is not in your way. What would you be doing here? Are you messing with me?’

She rambled faster that the speed of light. He ignored every other comment but picked up on the last one.

‘How did you know where my shoot was?’

Damn. Bloody rotten hell. She groaned audibly on the phone and he laughed out loud.

‘Dove is a stalkerrrrrr!’

He said teasingly, in a sing-song voice. 

Before she could respond, she heard a car honk under her window. No, this couldn’t be. He wouldn’t. Would he?

‘Buzz me in and open the door. I am getting out of the car now.’

Ananya rushed frantically to the door, buzzing the building gate open. The idea of someone seeing him here filling her with nerves. Thankfully, she was on the first floor, half a staircase away from the building door.

Three seconds later, she saw him enter the building. Eight seconds later, she was grabbing his arm and pulling him into the apartment, shutting the door firmly behind them.

What was he thinking? What if someone had seen him outside? The media crap storm would have been unstoppable. How irresponsible was this? The gall of him to show up unannounced like that, anytime he wanted. Oh, she was mad. Raving mad.

Before she could turn around and give him a piece of her mind, strong arms wrapped around her from behind. 

‘Sorry. Just wanted to see you once before I fly out tomorrow. Didn’t want to leave on this note.’

And just like that, he knocked the fight out of her chest. With two simple lines. Frankly she was a goner at sorry itself. The boy carried a magic wand of persuasion with him. 

Her shoulders, which were tensed in anger, dropped as she leaned back into his chest. He kissed the back of her head, conveying his gratitude.

She could stay like this forever. In his warm, comforting hold. His scent, familiar by now (when did that happen?), seeping into her skin, taking over her senses. His big, calloused hands enveloping her smaller ones. Involuntarily, she sighed.

‘Thank you for being honest with me earlier. I feel better now.’

‘I am glad. My turn? Only have one question.’

‘Ofcourse.’

He turned her around in his arms and tilted her chin up to look straight into her eyes.

‘Would you let me kiss you right now?’

Time stood still. She was very numb yet very aware in that moment. The dim lighting in the living room from the night lamp, the faint noise from the street, the rhythmic tapping of feet coming from Roma’s locked room who was blaring music on her headphones. All registering in some peripheral part of her brain.

But what she was hypnotised by was his face, and his eyes, gazing intently at her, drawing her in. How was it ever possible to say no to that face? To those big brown eyes which looked even deeper, softer, more vulnerable than ever before?

She didn’t realise when he took off his jacket, nudged her towards the dining table a short distance away, put his hands on the sides of her waist, lifted her slightly to place her on the table. But when her legs were being parted gently so he could stand in front of her, their torsos touching, her trance broke. The heat radiating from his body was palpable. 

Jude’s face was inches away, almost eye level.  A pleasing, handsome, perfectly symmetrical face. The dim lighting creating a halo around him. Ananya tilted her head to look at Roma’s room and if it was still locked. But he put two fingers on her cheek to turn her back to him.

‘Been waiting for this since I saw you.’

Jude lifted her arms & wrapped them around his neck, while his hands stroked her back. The flimsy fabric of her tank top not providing any barrier; it was almost like he was stroking her skin. Her legs, spread wide apart to fit him in, dangled aimlessly on the edge of the table.

How was he expecting a coherent verbal response from her in this situation?

She slowly slid one of her hands from his long muscly neck to his hair, fingers gliding through the thick, firm, soft curls. Her eyes searching his, telling him this is the best she could do right now.

That was all the signal he needed. Her grip in his hair tightened as he angled his head to cover her lips with his. Plump, pillowy lips caressing hers. Making her tightly shut her eyes and whimper out. Which broke something in him.

He dove in again with more urgency, parting her lips this time, getting them to move in sync with his. She gladly obliged, submitting to his rhythm while her heart hammered against her chest. She wondered if he could hear it too. But he was too occupied with tasting her mouth. All her little sounds & shudders giving him a head rush. His hot breath fanning her cheeks. 

When her whimpers went up an octave, he gave her a little breather, connecting their foreheads as they breathed in the same air. Her hands had fallen to the wide expanse of his shoulders, clutching at them to anchor herself. 

He kissed her forehead, the top of her eyes, and placed two delicate pecks on each cheek. His light stubble grazing her skin. She tilted her head involuntarily along with his movements, giving him ready access, like a puppy would to someone petting it. 

‘Ananya, lemme see you.’

The way he said her name, the fondness in his voice, it was like a silent command she couldn’t deny. Her hands gripped his shoulders tighter as she opened her eyes. 

He smiled affectionately, and it took her breath away. All the walls she had built around herself, all the rules, all the notions of just focusing on her work for now, this boy had bulldozed his way through all that with just his breathtaking smile.

Some part of her still conscious brain tried to chide her that she was no different than any of the other girls fawning over him. All it took was him showering her with his undivided attention and she was putty in his hands. But her brain couldn’t get a word in edgewise, her other senses had taken over. 

Jude reached for her hands, unclasped them from his shoulders, somehow sensing the tension in them. What he did next made her lightheaded. He moved his lips to her palms, placing soft, lingering kisses on both. And then, he moved her hands to his face, as if asking her to hold him. Somehow, this felt even more intimate than their kiss. 

His unending torso was all hard muscle, pressed into hers, but his face was soft. Rugged yet soft. Her hands couldn’t even fully cover his cheeks, she noted absentmindedly. So she used the pads of her thumbs to stroke the rest of his gorgeous face. 

Suddenly, he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her closer into him. She looked up in surprise, finding darker, hooded eyes. 

‘The next time you wanna run away from me, remember this feeling.’

Not only had his eyes changed colour but his voice had turned hoarse too. Insistent lips crashed into hers, prying them open, his tongue penetrating her mouth. She gasped at the invasion. One of her hands fell from his face  & settled behind her on the table, trying to find balance, as the force of his kiss made her lean backwards, with him looming over her. 

His spare hand gripped her bare thigh to help steady her. She just realised how her tiny sleeping shorts had completely inched up her legs, leaving them almost fully bare. His hand was firm and his fingers dug into her skin, making her head spin.

She lost her balance, despite his support, falling further backwards and knocking down a container behind her on the table. He broke the kiss & stretched his arm to reach for the container, finding it just before it was about to crash on the floor. While she just panted in his hold.

‘Jude…I..’

��Shhhhh, I got you.’

They fell into a warm, comforting embrace. Arms settling around each others’ backs. Her face resting in the crook of his neck as he quietly stroked her hair.

‘Did it ever occur to you that it’s hard for me to trust as well?’

That made her grudgingly break the hug and look up at him with confused eyes, while their arms remained locked around each other. 

‘It’s tough to figure if someone really likes me for me or it’s the lifestyle, fame, money and exposure that they are after. If a private encounter would remain private or the details would be splashed over some social media later. If some photoshopped images or invented stories be circulated as sworn truth. I have struggled to judge, so honestly I stopped trying. Keeping it just about sex was simpler. Uncomplicated. Convenient. No strings attached.’

No, it hadn’t occurred to her at all. Not till he put it like that. On any other day, she would have been irked at him trying to conveniently defend his conscious indulgences. But it felt more like an admission than justification. 

She stroked his neck and shoulders as he continued being vulnerable with her. 

‘You see, the normal and regular you think to be such a distancing factor, is in fact the opposite. A huge chunk of my life will always be public, I get that. I signed up for that. But this bit, I wanna protect. I’d love to come home to someone normal.’

Ananya stroked his face with all the tenderness she could muster. Trying to show that she understands. From the way he relaxed into her, she figured he got her message. 

Jude knew he had to be careful with her. Seeing her skimpy nightclothes hugging her body tonight had already disrupted his brain chemistry. He couldn’t shake the thought of how easy it would be to just push her on her back then & there. To rid her of the flimsy fabric barely covering her form l, with one determined tug. 

That’s why he knew he had to leave soon, while he was still thinking with his head. She wasn’t ready, not yet. 

‘That your room?’

He tilted his head towards the open door at the end of the corridor. 

‘Uh-huh.’

‘Want me to carry you in and tuck you into bed? I will leave after a goodnight kiss.’

She met his gaze with a twinkle in her eye, cocking her head sideways, biting her lip slowly. His eyes followed every little movement. 

‘Think you can handle being in my bedroom just to tuck me in?’

Boy, he didn’t see that coming. Didn’t know she had it in her. It immediately made him even more interested. The open challenge in her eyes, the suggestive tone, and that jutting out bottom lip. That needed to be responded to.

He leaned in and bit down at the same spot on her lower lip, making it sting a bit, then flicking it with his tongue. His hand gripped her bare thigh again, knocking the sass out of her.

‘Lippy. So lippy. I love it.’

He continued rubbing circles on her thigh with his thumb till he drew a moan out of her, despite her biting her cheek to keep it in.

‘Your pretty brain may not approve of me yet, but your body is definitely #TeamJude.’

She gasped, and he chose that moment to lean in for a deep goodnight kiss. Making it wet & sloppy, on purpose, so much so that she had to wipe her mouth with the back of her hand when he was done with her.

‘Sleep tight, dove. Talk to ya tomorrow. And..’

He leaned in to whisper in her ear, enunciating each word.

‘Will think about you tonight. Maybe in the car as well.’

With one last attempted wink, he bid her goodbye and walked out. While she was still perched up on the table, her body tingling everywhere he had touched her, her lips tasting of him, and her mind reeling from what had just happened.

……………………… 

There it is. Was delayed because, well, the pictures threw me off :)

As always, feedback / comments are always welcome. Hope you are enjoying their journey so far!

[writingforstraykids]

Hii, can you write something Minchan x reader where Minho gets out of an abusive relationship and ends up at Chan's/your place? 🥺

A/N: Hey there, this started as a short drabble before I edited it and turned this into a fic. I hope this is what you wanted and you like it. Thank you for the request💕🥰

Second Chance

Word Count: 4725

Summary: Chan and you help Minho the night he gets out of his abusive relationship. Due to your shared past Minho seems anxious to intrude. A year later things seem to be going well until a situation escalates and triggers a panic attack.

Warnings/Tags: angst, fluff, tw!physical abuse, tw!emotional abuse, tw!panic attack, bruises, emotional hurt/comfort, hurt/comfort, poly!skz

You hum softly against your boyfriend's lips, indulging the warmth of his body against yours. You feel calm and loved here with him in the safety of your home. Smiling, you brush back his curls and nudge his nose with yours. "Come on now, you promised Min that dinner ages ago." 

"Didn't I tell you? He texted me half an hour ago that he can't make it tonight," Chan says and kisses you lovingly. "That means I have time for you tonight, baby." 

You frown softly as Chan starts kissing down your neck. "You think he's okay?" 

"He didn't say anything else," Chan mumbles against your skin. 

"Yeah, but-," you start and stop as he pulls back with a groan. 

"Please, I don't want to think about our ex when I'm kissing you," he tells you. 

"You mean our best friend, dummy," you giggle and Chan laughs, giving in. "I'm just worried. It isn't like him to cancel plans last minute without a reason." 

"I don't know, maybe his boyfriend had plans?" he asks and you huff softly. "I know you don't like that guy, but-." 

"You've seen the bruises, Channie, something's off," you say firmly, thinking of the last time Minho visited. He looked tired, sad even, and there had been a heavy bruise on his wrist that looked like someone grabbed him too hard. Chan asked him about it of course, but dropped it at how defensive Minho became. 

"Listen, doll, he'll let us know if something's off," Chan says. 

"Not when it's what I think it is," you shake your head. "What if he's being manipulated into thinking it's his fault? Or if he's too embarrassed to tell you? You know how hard it is for him to open up and-." 

"Fucks sake," he climbs off the bed and searches for his phone. "I'm sure he's…," he starts and his face falls looking at his screen. 

"Please don't tell me I was right," you whisper. 

"I'm…Minho called. Ten times in the last twenty minutes," he says worriedly. 

"Shit, you think they got into a fight?" you ask shocked. 

"I don't know," he says and quickly puts on his sneakers, searching for his keys. His phone goes off, loudly this time as Chan had unmuted it. "Minho, what's wrong?" he asks worriedly and puts him on speaker. 

"Chan, hyung, can I stay at yours? Just for tonight," Minho says shakily, glancing across his shoulder as he walks down the street to your apartment. "I'm so sorry about this but it's kind of an emergency," he rambles on. 

"Yeah, sure, do you need me to pick you up?" he asks worriedly. 

"Uh, I don't think that's a good idea," Minho shakes his head and quickens his steps as someone walks down the street behind him, getting closer. "I'll be there in a minute anyways." 

"You're driving here?" Chan asks. 

"No," Minho swallows. "Don't know where my drivers license is. Or my keys. You know me, I tend to misplace my stuff," he laughs it off, almost choking on it. 

Chan exchanges a meaningful glance with you. Minho did not misplace his stuff often. "Okay, just ring the bell when you're here, Y/N will buzz you in," he says. 

"Chan," Minho bursts out panicked, closing his eyes for a second to remind himself to stay calm. "Please don't hang up yet," he pleads and looks back once more realizing the guy behind him is his boyfriend. "Fuck, no," he whispers. 

"What's wrong?" Chan asks, eyes widening as Minho doesn't answer before yelping in pain. Chan drops his phone and races off, leaving your front door open. 

You grab Chan's phone and rush to the door, waiting there anxiously. "Min?" you ask worriedly and only hear something crash to the ground, suspecting it was his phone. 

Minho winces in pain as his boyfriend grabs his hair forcefully and tries to get away from him. "Please, stop," he begs, hot tears already filling his eyes again and spilling down his cheeks. 

"Who the fuck allowed you to leave, huh? You have nowhere to go, you need me to function because you're too dumb to do it on your own," he shouts at him and punches him into the stomach. "Why the fuck would you run off?" 

He groans surprised, fresh tears shooting into his eyes. "Please, I'm so sorry," he begs. Minho bends over in pain but doesn't get far due to the harsh tug at his hair. He chokes on his sobs and braces himself for the next hit. 

"Let go of him!" Chan snaps as soon as he reaches them. 

"Channie," Minho whimpers in fear, wincing as his boyfriend grabs his chin forcefully. 

"Seriously? You're still not over him?" he asks darkly and Minho's eyes flicker anxiously. "Out of everyone you call him. I knew you'd cheat on me." 

"I didn't-," Minho starts weakly and flinches heavily when Chan's suddenly next to him, one hand on his lower back. 

"I won't say it again, let go of him," Chan says firmly. 

"I won't do shit," he tells him sharply. "This is my boyfriend, Chan, back off." 

"Alright then," Chan says and with a swift move he punches him right into the face, delivering another forceful hit into his stomach. 

Minho backs away as soon as his hold on him lessens and hides behind Chan, anxiously grabbing the hem of Chan's shirt. "Chan," he whispers. "Chan, we should leave." 

"Get inside, I'll be there in a minute," Chan tells him. 

"Channie he has a knife," Minho begs him through tears. 

Chan reaches back for him and takes his hand, eyeing the man in front of him. "Minho, run," he says and pulls him with him. Chan pulls the front door closed behind them and follows Minho, who's already stumbling up the stairs to your apartment. 

Your eyes widen as you see him rushing up the stairs, tears streaming down his face. "Minho," you say shocked as he gets closer and you notice how hard he's shaking. 

Chan reaches the door only seconds later and gently shoves Minho inside. "Come on, let's get inside and close that door." 

Minho doesn't get far, sliding down against a wall in your hallway as soon as the door's closed. He pulls his legs to his chest, whimpering as he rocks himself, trying to calm down. Heavy sobs shake his body as he tries to hold them back and his breathing quickens. 

You subconsciously grab Chan's hand, too shocked to move for a moment as you watch him breaking down. That's a very rare side of Minho. You squint your eyes as Minho messily wipes his cheeks and you can see the bruised skin beneath the makeup he put on to hide them. Your heart sinks to your stomach as you take a few steps forward and crouch down in front of him, keeping your distance. "Minnie?" you ask softly and after the third time he snaps out of his state and stares at you with wide eyes. "Minnie, what happened?" you ask gently, barely noticing Chan sitting on the floor next to you. 

"Please don't tell anyone," he presses out, glancing from you to Chan. "You can't," he whimpers. 

"Don't tell anyone what?" Chan asks calmly. He knows what he saw out there but did Minho? 

"That we had a fight. No one can know," he says desperately. 

"Why?" Chan asks patiently and fear flickers in Minho's eyes. "What happens if someone knows?" 

Minho shakes his head rapidly, backing further away against the wall. "Please don't."

"What?" Chan asks and reaches out for him, placing his hand on his knee. 

Minho whimpers in fear, flinching heavily, and pushes himself up. "This was a mistake," he says and stumbles toward your door. "Sorry for bothering you two." 

"No, Min, you're not bothering us," you try to get up but Chan holds you back, reading the situation better than you. 

"Kitten?" he asks and Minho stops in his tracks at that old term of endearment. "Please stay? You're safe here, we don't have to talk about it today, I promise." 

Minho hugs himself and glances at the door, torn between his options. "I-uhm-I don't know if…," he trails off meeting your worried eyes. 

"It's okay, you can stay," you assure him gently. "We have all the time you need."

"It's fine, I'll just go back home," he chokes on the last word, his eyes betraying him. 

"I don't think that's a good idea," Chan tells him gently. 

"Listen, Chan, just because things with you were different doesn't mean it's all bad," Minho grows defensive. 

"Different? You mean because I didn't hit you in the middle of the street?" he asks and you contort your face, unsure of how Minho would take that. "Come on, you know better than that. You don't deserve to be treated this way." 

"Yes, I do," Minho whispers. "I deserve every little bit of it because it's my own fault I gave up on something good. I gave up on you."

"Sometimes things don't work the way we want them to…but you didn't give up on us. And we won't give up on you now," Chan says firmly. 

Minho's face falls in a sob as he gives in. "Channie," he whimpers and Chan gets up slowly. 

"Can I give you a hug?" he asks caringly and Minho nods anxiously. "Okay, deep breaths," he says as he steps closer and Minho subconsciously takes a step back. "I'm here, it's okay," he promises softly, holding his hand out for him. "It's Channie, remember?" he asks soothingly and Minho nods, seeming as if he has to process that information first. Chan very gently places his hands on Minho's shoulders first before fondling down his arms. "Easy there," he whispers and takes another step forward, carefully wrapping his arms around him. "That's okay, kitten?" 

Minho nods weakly and buries his face in his shoulder, hugging him back hesitantly. "I can't breathe," he whispers, clutching his shirt as he feels the panic still boiling deep inside of him. 

"Y/N, come here," Chan tells you, still keeping his volume down. "Is it okay if Y/N hugs you too?" he asks, soothingly rubbing his back. "You need to feel some kind of weight or pressure to calm down right?" 

Minho bites back a sob, hearing that Chan still remembers that. "Yeah," he answers shakily and sucks in a sharp breath. 

You follow Chan's instructions, stepping behind Minho and hugging him as well. You and Chan trap him between your bodies and hug him tightly. "Okay, Minnie, now breathe in deep through your nose…and out through the mouth. Deep breaths," you tell him, guiding him through it. You have witnessed him panicking once before after their video shoot high up on that helicopter landing platform. It feels like ages ago. 

Minho grows calmer in your hold after a while, his breathing calms and his body stops shaking. Instead he's shivering with exhaustion and the adrenaline leaving his body. "I promise I'll be gone tomorrow," he tells you quietly. 

"We'll talk about that tomorrow. One step at a time, okay?" Chan says soothingly and exchanges a worried look with you. "Let's go and sit down?" 

"That sounds like a good idea," you nod, gently nudging Minho forward into your apartment. You don't have to tell him the directions, this has been his home before after all. You go to grab some warm blankets and Chan takes his laptop and headphones from the sofa to make some room. Minho stands still in the middle of your living room, anxiously fidgeting with the sleeve of his sweater. "Chan, why don't you go and help Min put on some comfy clothes?" 

Chan turns to look at you and glancing at Minho makes him realize your intention. "Sure, come on," he says and carefully takes his hand pulling him with him. Minho follows him until they reach your bedroom and he comes to a sudden stop. "Min?" he asks. 

"I-uh-I'm sorry," he shakes his head, following him inside. The amount of memories crashing down on him steals his breath for a moment. It's still the same bed, curtains and even the pictures of his cats are still on your desk in the corner. He remembers the many intimate moments he spent here with both you and Chan, the many nights and lazy mornings. "It's too much," he whispers. 

Chan closes the closet and tilts his head at him. "What is?" 

"This here," he says, vaguely waving through the room. "I can't go back to his place, because that's not home. This isn't either because it was before I fucked it all up. I have nowhere to go and-," tears brim his eyes all over again and he huffs at himself in utter frustration. "God, I'm so stupid." 

Chan sits down at the edge of the bed and pats the space next to him. "Come here," he says and after a moment of hesitation he does. "I know you're going through shit right now, your feelings are all over the place and you're scared and confused. But you're not alone, you don't have to be." 

Minho chews on his lower lip and stares down as Chan carefully takes his hand again. "He was right."

"About what?" he asks calmly. 

"I am still in love with the two of you. I do think about what I lost here a lot…but I never told him that," he confesses quietly. "I was so scared that things wouldn't work out or our fans wouldn't accept us the way we were that I freaked out, destroying the thing I was so scared of losing." 

Chan swallows softly and fondles his knuckles as he listens. "How long has this been going on?" 

"What? The screaming? The hitting? The hairpulling?" Minho asks sarcastically before exhaling loudly. "A month into the relationship." 

"A-Minho that's been five months," Chan exclaims in shock. 

"I know," he nods and stares into the distance. "I felt like I deserved it. He encouraged that and I got stuck in this shitty cycle of wanting to be useful for that person you fear but strangely still love." 

"What did he do?" Chan asks and a shadow travels over Minho's face. 

"Not tonight," he shakes his head and gives him a sad smile. "If that's okay." 

"Okay, yeah, of course," Chan nods quickly. "You don't have to say anything but…we love you too. And we miss you, we miss your dumb jokes and sassy comments. We miss your adorable laugh and Y/N misses you every time she has to glam up all on her own. So, we think about you a lot as well. What I'm trying to say is that if you'd ever feel ready, we're there. If not, we'll always be your friends and this means you can stay with us for as long as you want to, no matter what you choose. It's your choice, okay?"

"Okay," he whispers and drops his head, burying his face in his shoulder. 

"But that's also not something to discuss tonight," Chan says, planting a tiny kiss on his hair. "Just wanted you to know you're always welcome here." 

Minho squeezes his hand tightly. "Thank you." 

Chan stays there with him for another while, mindlessly rubbing his knuckles and whispering soothing nonsense to him from time to time. He doesn't know how long they stay there like this but it seems to help Minho's body calm down. You come to look for them after a while, your expression softening seeing them. 

You sit down at Minho's other side and gently pat his thigh. "Hey there, doing a little better?" 

He hums gently and blindly reaches out for your hand, squeezing it as he finds it. "I love you, you know that right?" he asks and you're too stunned to answer for a second. 

"I-uh-yeah, I guess I do," you stammer and Chan flashes you a compassionate smile. 

Minho pulls away from Chan's shoulder and turns to look at. "I know I fucked up, Y/N, even if you say I didn't. I didn't hurt you on purpose." 

"I know," you say quietly. 

"I just…I was scared," Minho says and lets go of Chan's and your hands. "And now I'm back here and I've never been more scared in my life before," he admits shakily and rubs his thighs, trying to steady himself. 

"He can't hurt you here, I promise," you try to soothe him. 

"I'm scared of what that shit did to me," he shakes his head. "I'm scared of him. I'm scared to lose you because I'll be a burden now…and it fucking terrifies me that I'm so open and honest about my feelings right now," he adds at the end making you all laugh. 

"That means you're making progress," you say and a weak smile tugs at the corners of his lips. 

"We can work this all out together…and if there are things we can't deal with we'll find someone who can," Chan adds and Minho nods thankfully. 

"I want you to keep that up and be very clear about your boundaries with us, okay?" you ask. "We don't want to trigger anything or make you feel uncomfortable." 

"I can try," Minho promises bravely. 

"And don't hesitate asking us if you need anything," Chan continues. 

"I will," he nods. 

You pull him into a hug and bury your face in his hair, tears brimming your eyes as he hugs you back tightly. "We got you, Minnie." 

One year later 

Chan paces your shared apartment, phone clutched in his hand, as he tries to stay calm. You can tell he has trouble doing so, noticing the way his hands shake, his chest heaves with irregular breaths, and the worry clouding his usually soft brown eyes. Your boyfriend checks the time once again, a low groan slipping from his lips as he realizes only five minutes have passed since he last checked. 

“Channie,” you say very gently, and he stops, staring at you with wide eyes. “Come here, sit down for a minute.”

“Can’t,” he shakes his head and continues the reckless pace from before.

“I’m sure he’s alright,” you say, trying to convince yourself at the same time. 

“You don’t know that,” he shakes his head firmly. “What if that asshole met him somewhere and-” his voice breaks, and he quickly shuts his mouth again. 

“Chan,” you say firmly. “We can’t keep on expecting the worst. Nothing has happened in a year. Min’s an adult, he can do what he wants. If he decides to stay away for a whole day, then that’s his choice.”

“He’s not thinking straight at the moment, you know that. Now that he's been with us for a whole year everything comes up again. He’s emotional; he keeps on seeking our help, trying not to bother us, and I need to keep him safe, I-” he breaks off again as he meets your eyes.

“Stop making what happened to him your fault,” you tell him. “I know he means a lot to you, I know you want to keep him safe, but stop blaming yourself for what his ex did.”

“He called me Y/N. Repeatedly. I was busy making out with you as this asshole hurt him,” he says, getting more emotional with every passing minute. “And still, he came here as soon as he could.”

You have enough and slip off your chair, making your way over to him. “That’s because he trusts you…and sometimes you have to trust him too,” you say and offer him a hug. 

Chan pulls you into his arms and buries his face in your hair. He can feel your heart racing against his chest and snorts. “So much to staying calm.”

“It’s not that I’m not worried myself, Channie,” you remind him calmly. 

You still remember the night one year ago as if it was yesterday. Not a night has passed since then without him joining the two of you in your bed at night, first as your friend, then in search for the love he thought he lost. Time healed the bruises, the split lip but not the scars left on his heart, and the fear that was still deep in his bones. By now you were finding your routine as a throuple but there was still a lot to figure out. So, of course, Chan gets worried when Minho doesn’t show up for a whole day and doesn’t answer his phone.

The front door to your apartment opens, and you look up surprised as Minho strolls in calmly, two bags in his hand, keys in the other. He frowns softly as he spots the two of you and tilts his head at you, meeting your eyes. "You're okay?" 

Chan lets go of you, and you can tell his worries get replaced by anger, which is also a very familiar part of him worrying to you. “Where the fuck have you been?” he asks firmly.

“What?” Minho asks confused, flinching at the harsh tone.

“I tried calling you for like a hundred times, Min. I’ve been worried sick all day about you!” Chan goes on, letting his anger flow freely now. 

"Chan," you try gently. 

Minho’s stomach turns painfully as the common fear of what is about to unfold takes hold of him. He puts down the bags shakily, bracing himself for all the hurtful words that would leave his hyung's mouth at any second. He deserves every one of them. "I-I turned off my phone," he says quietly. 

"You can't be serious," Chan snaps, and you glance at him worriedly. "I told you always to keep that damn thing close so I can find you when something happens." 

"I-I'm sorry, hyung," Minho says shakily, staring at the floor in front of him. "I know that was stupid. I'm stupid."

"You're not stupid, Min," you chime in gently, but the younger male shakes his head firmly. 

"I am," he presses out, body shaking in fear as he feels put back into a situation he thought he escaped. 

"I told you so often," Chan insists tiredly, voice growing more gentle. "How could you forget that?" 

"I'm sorry," he whimpers, tears shooting to his eyes and spilling right down his cheeks. "I-I should've told you. I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking," he starts, sounding a little panicked. "I'm so stupid, I'm sorry I worried you. Please don't punish me." 

Chan's whole demeanor changes at that sudden breakdown, face falling. "Fuck," he breathes out, realizing how triggering this must've been. "Minho, no one is going to punish you," he says gently, making his way over, not knowing that being soft was exactly what Minho got before the snap. 

Minho subconsciously takes a step back, shivering. "Please, I'll do better, I promise," he tries to save himself. Stumbling back blindly, he trips over Chan's backpack and falls backward, hitting his head at the front door as he crashes onto the ground. 

"Shit," you breathe out shocked. 

By the time Chan reaches him to help him up, he's sobbing, curling up on the floor and protecting his head. "Min, hey, hey, it's okay," Chan tries, crouching down. The moment he touches him, Minho screams in fear, making him flinch back. 

"Please," he sobs, making himself even smaller. 

Chan looks back at you, eyes filling with tears and practically screaming for help. He backs away quietly from Minho as you make your way over. 

You crouch down next to him and hesitantly place your hand on his lower back. "Minnie," you say soothingly, knowing no one else but Chan and you called him that. "Minnie, angel, you're safe. I'm here, no one can hurt you, okay?" Your voice breaks through the fog of panic, and Minho scrambles onto his knees, lunging forward and holding onto you tightly. You hold onto him just as tight, soothingly running your hand through his hair. "Shh, it's okay," you whisper and rock him in your arms. "It's okay, you're safe." 

Minho sobs into your sweater, holding onto you for dear life. He tries focusing on your scent, how your hair feels beneath his fingertips, and how your body is warm against his. He tries pushing all the dark memories aside, reminding himself that he is, in fact, safe. Safe in your warm embrace. 

You glance over at Chan, who watches you, still standing in the same spot. The guilt in his eyes is overwhelming, and he doesn't bother wiping away the tears running down his cheeks. You hold out your hand for him, but he shakes his head weakly. "Channie babe, come here," you say soothingly. "Chan was just worried, he didn't mean to upset you, dear," you say toward Minho, and the younger one nods bravely. "Come on," you encourage your boyfriend.

Chan slowly makes his way over, shaking as he sits beside you. "Minnie, I'm so sorry," he presses out, hesitantly rubbing his back.

Minho pulls back and looks at him through teary eyes. "Something's wrong with me," he whispers, and Chan searches his eyes confused. "You'd never hurt me." 

Chan firmly shakes his head. "Never," he promises. "I'm sorry I got mad." 

Minho straddles his lap, burying his face in Chan's shoulder. He wraps his arms around his neck and sniffles softly. "No, I'm sorry for disappearing," he says shakily. 

Chan hugs him tight, burying his face in his hair and closing his eyes. He gently runs his hand over his back before fondling his head. "Does it still hurt?" he asks, and Minho shakes his head. 

You watch them with a gentle smile, knowing how much they mean to each other. Minho pulls back after a while, pressing their foreheads together with a weak laugh. "I'm sorry, Channie love, I know I worried you." 

"Stop that now," he says gently, rubbing his sides soothingly. "I know you didn't mean to." 

"Thank you for always trying to keep me safe," he tells him, cupping his face. 

"Of course," your boyfriend whispers. 

Minho wraps him back into his arms and closes his eyes for a moment before speaking up. "I just wanted to take a walk this morning, but then he bombarded me with messages, having another fake account. I got upset, turned my phone off, and kept on walking around aimlessly for hours. I completely forgot the time." 

"That's okay, Min, it happens," you assure him, sitting down next to them. 

Minho flashes you a weak smile and squeezes your hand gently. "I should've told you guys. I wasn't thinking." 

"Happens," Chan nods and soothingly rubs his thighs. 

Minho meets his eyes again and remains silent for a while, sinking deeper into that warm feeling of comfort and safety. "I actually bought dinner on the way back." 

You giggle softly and pat his shoulder. "That's sweet." 

"And uhm…I saw something that seemed fitting for the two of you," he says, ears burning up a little as he climbs off Chan's lap. Minho grabs the smaller bag and takes out two small boxes, handing the longer one to you. 

Chan opens his and takes out a beautiful silver bracelet with a small pendant in the middle. There's a heart-shaped hole in the pendant, and opening your box, you know why: the heart's attached to a necklace. "Oh my God, that's so cute," you beam at him. Chan helps you put it on, and Minho watches you with a soft smile. "Where's yours?" you ask and Minho frowns softly. 

"I-uhm…I shouldn't-," he shakes his head, swallowing softly at your confused expressions. 

"Kitten, you're a part of us," Chan says softly and Minho's eyes brim with tears again. 

"But-," he starts out weakly. 

"We love you. This is your home, angel," you tell him and smile as Chan caresses his cheek and Minho instinctively leans into it. 

"We'll go back there tomorrow and find something fitting for you," Chan suggests. 

A hot tear falls down Minho's cheek as he watches the two of you amazed. "Okay," he whispers and closes his eyes as Chan plants a soft kiss on his hair. He giggles softly as you kiss the tip of his nose and smiles at the two of you through his tears. "I love you two so much." 

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[weerentheworld]

Iceland, the good/bad/FAQ

The Good:

South Coast! This area had most of the things I went to see + I lucked out and had great weather for it!

Reykjavik’s Cats I did not know Cats were such a thing in Reykjavik before I visited, so this was a pleasant surprise 

Puffins! I expected to miss these, since I visited later in the summer, was very happy to get to see them!

Landscapes in general- Seriously, this was one of those countries where just sitting and looking out the window was an experience

Food Allergy awareness. This is the first country I’ve visited where EVERY restaurant I went to had a sign or a note on their menu saying to please let them know of any food allergy/restrictions and that they would accommodate you if they could. It made me really happy to see since asking about garlic can be awkward.  

The Bad:

Golden Circle - this area in particular was overcrowded and overhyped in my opinion. It’s not bad/not worth seeing, it’s just so many other parts of iceland are more worth seeing

Too much time in Reykjavik. This was more of a planning error on my part rather than a reflection on Reykjavik. Reykjavik itself was great! But it is a smaller city, and without a car to check out some of the farther out attractions easily it was pretty easy to feel like I’d seen everything in the city center between the full day I’d spent exploring Reykjavik, the ½ day I had on arrival, and the evenings I had free after day tours. So by the end of my trip I wasn’t tired of Iceland, but I was tired of Reykjavik. If I could do it over I might trade the full day I spend in Reykjavik for another ½ day tour, or plan to spend some time in Vik or another nearby city.

Public transport is challenging- this may have been a me problem! But while there are options in Reykjavik for public transport (bus, scooters) both are mainly used through apps. And my phone was on airplane mode most of the trip to save costs. Likewise, I didn’t have an iceland phone number so I never did figure out how I was supposed to use the bus app as a guest with the risk of losing connection. Buses do take cash, but my understanding is they don’t give change.

Wish I’d known (although in hindsight this makes sense): 

Weather dependent activities are very weather dependent! So have a backup and if the weather is looking funky don’t be afraid to reschedule before the refund window closes! This was my big mistake, I got into a cancel-chicken game with one of the vendors, and felt like it blocked me from planning other activities. 

Lodging/Car rental fills up in advance. Tbf I kinda knew this one, but was reminded of it when I tried making some last min contingency plans

FAQ

Q: How was traveling via day trips vs driving around the ring road vs doing a longer group tour?

A: Hard to say, since I only did one of these in iceland.

Do I still think I made the right call in planning day trips? Yes! I don’t much care for driving, and I liked that I still got to see lots of the country via day trips. Plus there are so many different options for day trips that you still have a lot of flexibility in planning.

I also think that day trips were a better option than a long group tour for me this trip. Since it was my first visit to Iceland I was okay with not saying I went around the whole country. Still, if I’d wanted to visit some more remote destinations (ones that can’t be reached in a day or don’t have day tours offered from Reykjavik) a longer group tour could have been a good alternative to reaching those places without driving.

I also liked not having to switch hotel rooms mid-trip, but this was personal preference. 

So really the answer is what works for you?

If you like driving and want more flexibility/control over where you stop and how long you stay for driving might be the answer. Iceland is reportedly an easy country to drive in, although gas can be expensive, so it is likely not the most cost effective option for a solo traveler.

If you want variety and fear getting stuck with a not so fun group, go for day tours.

If you want to reach more remote areas but don’t want to drive, a longer group tour may be the way to go.

Personally I’d recommend to mix and match from the above options a bit more. Maybe do a multi-day tour or get a car for part of the trip, but do day tours for the rest.

Do be aware! If you plan to drive in Iceland there are multiple places regular cars cannot go due to rough terrain! 

So even if you get a car you may still need to plan to book day tours to reach some sites, depending on vehicle type + your level of comfort with rough terrain. 

~~~

Q: What companies did you travel with and how were they?

A: Note I booked most of these via Viator or Trip advisor or get your guide. It likely would have been cheaper to book directly from the sites of the companies in hindsight.

Viator & get your guide were fine, Trip advisor was more than a little wonky.

Nice Travel, went to both the South Coast and Golden Circle + Sky lagoon. Very pleased with this company. The South Coast guide Maria was the absolute best guide on the entire trip! The Golden circle guide was good as well. Both guides gave lots of context as to what we were seeing/visiting and did a good job of pointing out bigger and smaller sights. Likewise the both helped squeeze in a bonus sights, time permitting. Both tours were on a smaller day bus (I think 20 people max? Think a large van)

Troll expeditions, Snaefellsnes. Less pleased with this company. Tended to give less context and the division of time was odd. We’d spend not enough time at bigger sights and too much time at smaller ones, like a simple overlook. Still they are one of the bigger companies, so maybe just got a bad guide?

Activity Iceland, Jeep tour to the hidden valley of thor. Again, very pleased. This was the smallest tour I took since it was to a lesser known site so booking was a little difficult since I had to re-book based on availability. Still the company was very nice in working with me on this, and this was not a sight I could have seen by driving on my own.

Arctic Adventures- landmannalaugar hike. Not much info during the drive, likely since this was on a bigger tour bus. But they did give great info during the hike (although I missed some of it since I was walking at my own pace to take pics). I think this company tends to have larger sized tours.    

Íshestar, horseback riding. Driver didn’t have great communication to the point that some of us were unsure if we were on the right bus. A good overall experience, and I liked that they had a group for beginners and advanced riders, but I think there might be more scenic options with other horseback riding companies.

Wake Up Reykjavik, Reykjavik food tour. This was great! A good introduction to Reykjavik & Icelandic food, a great guide and very accommodating for food allergies. I do wish I’d booked it earlier in my trip however so I had more time to apply the knowledge throughout the trip.

Reykjavik Excursions- Lava tunnel. I’m a little unclear how much of this was Reykjavik Excursions vs how much was the lava tunnel staff? The pick-up and transport went fine, but then we had to wait a while with no explanation for the tour to start. The tour of the lava tunnel was okay, guide was a bit annoying and we didn’t have much time to get back to the bus once the tour of the lava tunnel ended (still in the lava tunnel)

Tourism Iceland / GlacierHeli Iceland - Didn’t go on a tour with them due to weather, but they still get a shout out for AWFUL communication skills. Would avoid.

Other activities

Mink Viking Portrait Iceland - not a tour, but a fun experience if you’re into it/looking to kill time in Reykjavik in a fun/unique way

Lava show- Awesome! Check it out! Do book in advance.

Perlan- Good, the ice cave was the main attraction for me. Prob could have spent less time here overall, did not need to book in advance when I went, but that might be different in a more crowded month.

Omnom chocolate- must do/visit. If you can’t make it to the shop, be sure to buy some in stores. It’s more unique than I expected (in a good way!)

Chromo sapiens- not really worth the price/travel distance. Maybe if you have a car and want to kill some time.

~~~

Q: Is Iceland expensive?

A: Yes and no

Some things are very expensive: Taxis are awful, dinner can be expensive, and while I didn’t deal with it, I’m told gas is high. Iceland sweaters, if you get one, are expensive.

Some things not so much: Day tours are not cheap, but I did feel they are reasonably priced and are similar to USA prices for similar excursions. Likewise you can find food that’s at the lower end of the price range. Other souvenirs varied in price.

Lodging was medium? I’m not as sure of this answer as I booked lodging more based on location and availability as I booked closer to my trip than I should have. I did feel like I got a good value for my dollar. I stayed at Loft HI Hostel which was right in the city center. I also ended up with a private room which was more expensive for a hostel, but still on the lower side for hotels I think (again I didn’t shop around all that much due to time.)

Personally I spent less than I expected to (but mostly because I thought it would be more expensive than it was!)

Part of this was food. I absolutely got some expensive dinners, but I also saved money on lunch, since I was bringing PB&Js with me on day trips and only buying snacks during the day.

This was more about garlic than costs but it worked out well.

Likewise some of those expensive dinners were because this was an option I’d found that was garlic free and I was tired of looking around. 

(I’ve decided I’ve reached an age/income where I’ve stopped making price compromises for garlic when I travel. If an expensive option is garlic free, I’m going to eat it and not stress about it. It’s not worth the non monetary cost of dealing with garlic poisoning on a trip. That said, this does result in me budgeting more $ for food than I might have when I was younger and would have been more willing to compromise for a safe sandwich.)

Expensive is also relative. Have you traveled/lived in the USA lately? Compared to that, Iceland isn’t so bad overall, but as mentioned above some things are still expensive.

Compared to a destination where the dollar goes further like Thailand, Iceland is very expensive  

~~~

Q: How widespread is english?

A: VERY!!! 

~~~

Q: Was late august a good time to visit?

A: Yes (for summer)

Iceland is what I'd call a seasonal destination in that it’s very different at different times of year, mainly the summer and winter.

But there are also pros/cons to visiting in diff months. 

High summer when lupins are in bloom and there’s 24 hours of daylight is likely different from what I experienced in late august, but I likely got less crowds.

Winter would be a very different experience!

If you’re thinking of visiting, consider what you want to see and how available it’s likely to be during your visit.

Ex: I was hoping to see puffins, which are easier to see during high summer. During late august the puffin tours stop running since the birds have likely left for the season at that point. I was very lucky that I was still able to see them, and even then I was mostly seeing stragglers. (But I wasn’t able to visit sooner, so I took the gamble of maybe puffins in late summer over cheaper prices and no puffins in fall)

Likewise I really wanted to see moss fields, which are greener in summer.

Northern lights I wanted to see (who doesn’t?!) but was willing to do without, knowing they were very unlikely this time of year.

If you just want to generally see Iceland it might be worth considering a shoulder season (late/early summer, or spring/fall) to get cheaper prices/less crowds- although I don’t know if as many tours run during these months, and some parts of the country may not be accessible due to snow.

Still I think it’s telling that I saw several photo books of Iceland in the fall.

~~~

Q: Any tips?

A: Plan your must-sees sooner than later in the trip, and have some flexibility! 

Iceland can be very weather dependent, and even if you can get to a location on a day with bad weather, the weather may get in the way of pictures or doing something there. It’s nice to have a ‘spare day’ near the end of your trip to try to either re-visit a high priority location where you might want to re-take pics or can plan extra activities should you not need to re-visit anywhere.

That said, it’s a good idea to have some options for the extra activities planned out, and I would go ahead and book 1-2 days in advance. 

Day tours could be booked the day before, but sometimes they sold out. Usually they could not be booked day-of due to early start times if leaving from Reykjavik.

Booking the blue lagoon coming from the airport worked out beautifully! 

You need waterproof/water resistant gear regardless of the season!

~~~

If I go again:

I’d revisit in the summer, but nearer the height of puffin season/ when there’s extra daylight for driving.

That’s not to say I wouldn’t go in winter, but I feel like there are other places to see winter in the far north besides just iceland.

If I went again I’d either get a car or a car + day trips, mostly depending on how accessible some of the below sites are.

I’d want to explore some areas of the south coast that I didn't see this time. I think I’d also look into combining an Iceland re-visit with another country in Europe to justify the length/cost of the flight across the pond.

Places/Things I’d see if I went again (having missed them this time)

Breiðamerkursandur (Diamond Beach) +  Jökulsárlón glacier lagoon. Didn’t go this time since while it can be reached by day tour it’s a bit far out (but I should have!). I also didn’t realize how unique it is for some reason till it was too late. Idk if I could drive here, but I could at least drive to Vik and hopefully book a shorter day tour from there.

This is my big wish I did this trip. If you’re staying in Reykjavik and looking at the distance like I was, I'd go ahead and go on the day trip.

Reykjadalur Hot Springs Trail! (river hot spring) tried to do this but ran into public transport concerns. Still bummed I missed out on it. Only 45 min from Reykjavik

Westman islands. Sadly I couldn’t find a day trip here from Reykjavik. But if I’d had an extra 2 days and a car I would have absolutely visited! They are remote so may not be for everyone, some fellow travelers recommended them but others didn’t, but I understand they are likely to have puffins and the travelers who recommended them seemed to have similar vibes to me.

Fjadrargljufur canyon - Maybe. I kept seeing this on postcards and it looked really pretty. Not a must do for a first trip, but I’d check it out on a 2nd trip (if it’s open, it’s been subject to overcrowding in past years)

The Reykjavik Cat Walking Tour. Maybe. Didn’t get to do this due to booking difficulties this time. Would try to book again based on if I was going to be in Reykjavik any.

Eat more Icelandic bread. The rye bread I had on the food tour was amazing. I needed more of it. May have ordered more from iceland once I got home, but eating more fresh would be even better. 

Go inside a volcano. Maybe. There’s tours that let you hike up to a (dormant) volcano and then lower you inside. Tried to book this one but had some scheduling conflicts/it was sold out.

Blue lagoon. It's so close to the airport why not go again?

And, luck permitting, see a volcanic eruption (from a safe distance). This wasn’t an option this trip as there were not any active eruptions when I visited, but maybe someday.

[sebsbrokentoe]

The Winner Takes It All

A/N: I'm still so surprised that people actually liked the previous, y'all made me so happy and so here's the third and final part. I didn't really like it that much but let me know if you liked it. And should I do some drabbles while they were together?

masterlist

Read part 1, part 2

warnings: mention of a panic attack, pure angst, sad feels

You were back to square one. Your nightmares became more frequent, you distanced yourself from friends, you even stopped going to work and convinced your boss to let you work from home, ensuring him you would get everything on time since you only needed your laptop anyway.

You were disappointed in yourself, that you let Bucky get to you again. His blue eyes haunted you, taunting you every time you closed your eyes. You thought you were better, that you were getting over him but seeing him changed everything.

You were tired of feeling like this, empty like this, a feeling of loneliness and despair. You needed closure, you needed to let go of him, you needed to move on and the only way you could do that was by talking to him and getting your answers from the source. You didn’t know how you were going to do that since the last time you saw him you had a panic attack. Maybe talking to him on the phone would work, but you knew seeing him face to face would bring you the most peace to end everything.

You didn’t want to be friends or acquaintances, you needed to fully let go of him. So you tried to get ahold of him, forgetting you blocked him and deleted his number, you asked your friends for his number. They were worried about you since that day at the cafe after you told them but you needed to talk to him and maybe if your friends were around, it would make you feel safer. So you got his number and told him you wanted to meet the next day at the local park, where your friends would linger around, unknown to Bucky. You thought that may be drastic since you know Bucky wouldn’t hurt you, but since last time you didn’t know how you would feel around him. He responded quickly, not expecting you to contact him.

Y/N: Hi this is y/n, I’d like to talk to you if that’s alright, tomorrow at the park. I promise I won’t freak out again.

Bucky: I’ll be there sweetheart

Somehow that word, which used to bring you butterflies, does nothing but leave bitter feelings in you. And you thought maybe that’s a good thing.

The next day rolls around and you’re nervous, you’re so nervous you didn’t even realise someone was knocking on your door. Surely it was one of your friends ready to pick you up to go to the park. On the drive there, she asked if you were nervous, and you tried to lie and say that you’re fine but she saw past that and tried to calm you down.

“You know you’re in control of all this, this can stop and you could cancel if you’re not comfortable.” You gave her a small smile, silently thanking her for the support.

“I know, I just can’t help but be nervous, I mean last time I saw him I panicked and couldn’t get a word out.” I shakily told her, mentally slapping myself for sounding so insecure.

“ you were caught off guard, maybe now that you’re expecting you’ll be better. I just want to see the real you again, I missed her.”

You feel your eyes tear up thinking about what you put your friends through, feeling bad that they have to deal with your issues for the past year.

You only replied “I missed her too”, not trying to put yourself down again right before meeting Bucky.

5 mins later you pulled up to the park where you saw your friends, some sitting on benches some just walking around, trying not to look suspicious, which made you laugh and appreciate your friends a lot more since they would do this for you to stay safe.

You quickly saw a tall figure, which was Bucky and you didn’t realise that your friend had already walked away from you, making it seem like you were alone. He walked up to you, taking slow steps to not to scare you like last time. Your mind was a mess, trying not to panic again seeing him.

He came up to and smiled and you internally cringed at the memories that sprouted, but you pushed those feelings down and got down to business, wanting to get it over with as soon as possible.

‘Hi,” you cringed at how small your voice sounded, his presence still affecting you.

“Hi stranger” your face looked surprised as you remembered that was the first thing he said to you when you met.

You were shuffling on your feet, clearly giving signs of discomfort to which Bucky saw and stepped back wanting to give you space.

“ are you sure you wanna talk, because last time it didn’t go well,” He said with a small smirk on his face and you used to fall for that look but you just wanted to slap it off his face, not liking how he was slightly enjoying your discomfort.

You snapped back, trying to defend yourself even though it was unnecessary, “You just caught, me off guard and cornered me in a shop, I just wasn’t expecting to see again”

His face looked surprised at me snapping back, not expecting me to have an attitude but I was too tired over this situation to keep my cool.

“I didn’t corner you, I just wanted to talk” It sounded like he wanted me to feel bad that I overreacted but I stood my ground knowing my feelings were just, and he doesn’t have control over me anymore.

“I didn’t want to see you again, didn’t you get the hint after the radio silence for months, what made you think you had to right to see and talk to me again.” both of us were surprised at my outburst and to my right, I swore I heard a snicker, turning slightly I saw one of my friends, looking at us, with a proud look on their face, luckily Bucky didn’t notice, so I just continued talking.

“I didn’t come here to fight, I came here to get some closure and move on from you. So why did you say those things, why did you let things get so far when I was clearly annoying you for our entire relationship, why didn’t you say anything before, why did it take you 2 years to tell me those things, why did you make me fall in love with you?” now I couldn’t stop my tears, getting louder with my sentences making people stop and turn at us.

“You promised you would never leave, you promised me you’d never break my heart, you promised that you’d always be there for me, what changed huh, what fucking changed.” shouting that last part, my voice cracking with emotion trying to get some reaction from him that would give me answers.

“I don’t know,” he said with a straight face, I felt frustrated again because I just wanted some answers from him and he was giving me nothing so I was tired of fighting, I was tired of trying to do something for myself, I should have known he had nothing to give me, so I had nothing to give him again.

“ You know I came here because I thought something would change, that I’d feel better about this, but now I need to accept the fact that I did nothing wrong, and that I wasn’t the problem.”

“Look y/n, this isn’t how I wanted us to end up, I wanted a future, to have kids, to get married, I wanted all of that with you, but I woke up one day and I didn’t want that anymore, not with you anymore. I’m sorry”

Even though it hurt like hell, you didn’t show it on your face, this is what you wanted right? To have closure.

“That’s all I needed to know, just tell me one last thing, when did you fall out of love with me?” My tears falling even though I didn’t want to show him how I felt.

“When we went out to dinner one night, and I looked across at you and I didn’t feel the spark I always felt, but you looked so happy and I didn’t say anything because I thought it was just a phrase and id wake up to you and id be happy again, but-”

“But you didn’t, you didn’t love me anymore, and you were stuck in this relationship for what, for the sex. Why did you lead me on, how long did you feel like that?” my throat closing up, my emotions going haywire trying to figure him out. “Did you sleep with me after feeling that way? Did you pretend to make love to me, did you pretend to be in love, DID YOU FUCKING PRETEND I MEANT SOMETHING TO YOU” now we gained the attention of bystanders and my friends but I didn’t care because I needed to hear his answer. I needed to know if it was all a lie.

He hung his head and whispered so lowly that if I wasn’t standing so close I wouldn’t have heard it “Yes, i- I faked it for a few months”

I felt like someone punched my stomach and I felt nauseous after hearing that for the last few months of our relationship, it was fake, every kiss, every touch, every time they made love, every time he said I love you, all of it was fake. He made it seem so real, he did everything he said he wouldn’t, he lied to you, and that hurt the most because you hate liars.

“I hope you have a wonderful life James”

You turned around and walked around not bothering to wipe your tears because, in the end, the winner takes it all and the loser’s standing small.

Tags:

@vicmc624 @fangirllife98

[twilight-love-nochu]

BTS Reaction To neglecting their family while away (Hyung Line)

JIN (Kim Seokjin)

When you started to date Jin you knew what you got yourself into. Jin is a busy man always preparing for the next comeback or going on tour. He was living his dream and you knew how much it meant to him so you didn’t complain. You felt quite proud of him actually since even with his busy schedule he usually never forgets to take care of his family and spends as much time with your three year old and you as possible.

Though on his current tour it was quite different. For a long time he didn’t call you two and barely ever answered your calls and you were getting quite tired of it. Yes, he was busy but you were just asking for 5 minutes, enough time to check on each other and for him to talk to his son.

It had already been 4 months since he left and your son was missing him terribly. He was starting to be uncontrollable, always throwing tantrums and never wanting to go to sleep demanding for his father to sing him to sleep.

Today was one of those nights again. Your usually smiley son was currently crying at the top of his lungs and kicking when you tried to come near him. At this point you were fed up with it and didn’t have any energy to deal with it anymore.

You left your son’s room and went to the living room were you left your phone. You snatched it from the table it was laying on and FaceTimed your husband over and over again determined to have him answer the phone, which he did after the fifth call.

“What is it?! You can’t just blow up my phone like this I’m about to go to the rehearsals and I’m already late, Y/N.” You could tell that he was pissed by the way he growled at you. But at this point you were probably more irritated than him so it didn’t faze you.

“I wouldn’t have to if you actually answered when I called… or maybe even called yourself.” You retorted with a fake smile.

“You know I’m busy, I don’t always have time. Like right now actually.”

“Seems like lately even when you do have time you prefer spending it with anything or anyone other than your family.” You didn’t even know were that came from and the words surprised even you but you weren’t going to show him how startled you were. “Whatever I just called because your son misses you very much and is making life very hard for me right now so talk to him.” You said while going back into your son’s room and handing the phone to your son who was still crying, though much calmer now.

As soon as he say his father on the screen you could see his eyes light up.

“Hi buddy!” you heard Jin say as you took the opportunity to go to the kitchen and heat up your food as you didn’t have any time to eat before since you were too busy taking care of the troublesome son. You also took the time to calm down from the fight with your husband.

After a few minutes you went back into your son’s room to check on him only to find him fast asleep with your phone on his lap. You smiled at how cute he looked before walking over to him. You payed him down in his bed, tucked him in and pressed a kiss to his temple before taking the phone and walking out of the room making sure to close the door carefully behind you.

“Y/N?” The voice coming from your phone startled you a bit, you didn’t realize that he was still on the call. When you pointed the camera at your face Jin started talking again: “He grew a lot since the last time I saw him. I didn’t realize how long it has been.” He said with a sad smile on his face problably trying to start small talk with you.

You chuckled bitterly at his words “Yeah, talk to you whenever.” You rolled your eyes.

“Wai-“ you didn’t let him finish before ending the call. You really didn’t feel like talking to him after your fight.

SUGA (Min Yoongi)

Yoongi has always been a distant person. He often missed calls or forgot to text back, or even canceled some dates. In the beginning of your relationship it made you doubt his feelings for you quite often but you soon came to realize that he wasn’t being distant on purpose. He is just naturally introverted and very serious and concentrated when it comes to his work.

What helped you realize that we’re many actions of his, like when he came to you when he needed inspiration, or when he sometimes came over to your apartment that was further away from his studio than the dorms fully knowing that you would be asleep when he came and that he had to leave even before you woke up and when you realized that and asked him about it he simply replied that he only felt completely relaxed when he was with you, or simply that he trusted you with his beloved dog Hollie when he was on tour.

Tour was the only time where you two were completely apart from each other and the only way for you to communicate was through the phone. This made tours the hardest times in your relationship, as your communication would be at its minimum. Of course you missed your boyfriend very much when he was away but you trusted Yoongi and knew that if he didn’t call he was just immersed in his work and stressed, you didn’t want to be a distraction from his work since you know how important it was to him.

Anyway you soon got used to his lifestyle and you two started to make changes in both of your lives so that you were both happy. You started hanging out at his studio more often - obviously not distracting him but doing your own thing -, soon you two even moved in together and later on he married you.

Now here you are 5 years later and not much has changed. Yoongi is still as focused on his career and you don‘t mind much, you miss him, but you were used to it by now… but your daughter was not.

Your daughter was only 4 years old so she didn’t understand why her daddy had to be away from her for so long. She is the biggest Daddy‘s Girl out there so she also didn’t like the idea of him going around the world to make other girls happy very much.

The 4-year-old has been feeling a little bit under the weather for a couple of days now and it broke your heart to see your usual bundle of happiness in that state. You thought long about how to make her feel better and came to the conclusion that talking to her beloved dad was the only medicine that would help.

You pondered for a very long time wether you should call him or not since you knew how grumpy he could get when he got interrupted while working but when your daughter even refused to eat you knew you had to.

You went into your room to start the call because you didn’t know how Yoongi would react after picking up the phone and you didn’t want him to snap at you in front of your 4-year-old.

Sure enough Yoongi seemed pissed after answering your second call. “Babe, I’m working, you know I don’t like getting interrupted.” Yes he was scolding you but you couldn’t help the butterflies that erupted in your belly upon hearing his voice after so long.

“Oh come on, you’re always working Yoongi and we haven’t talked in so long.” You pouted a little.

“I’m busy Y/N, I’m working on a new song right now and I really don’t want to forget what I had in mind.” He doesn’t budge, making you sigh.

“Yoongi, we talked about this. When you’re working you tend to get too immersed in it and you forget to call. The last time we talked was more than a month ago and the only reason I even know you’re alive and well is because I talk to your members. I just want one call once in a while even if it’s for a few minutes. Y/D/N misses you a lot… and I do too.” You add shyly.

That’s when you see a soft smile for on your Husband’s lips. “ You’re Right Y/N. I’m sorry. I guess I do get too immersed in my work. I didn’t even realize how I miss you two too.”

“You really need to take a break once in a while babe.” You tell him.

”I know. I will. How’s Y/D/N?” You can see his eyes light up just at the thought of her, making you chuckle.

“Not so good, she hasn’t been nearly as cheerful as she usually is. And I just tried to feed her but she keeps rejecting any kind of food. I think she just misses you a lot. You know I’m used to not talking to you that much but she isn’t.” You tell him honestly and his face falls remarkably.

“You should be used to me neglecting you either, Y/N.” He says sadness laced in his voice. “I’ll make it up to you I promise. For now let me talk to my Princess.”

You walk into the living room with your phone in your hand to find said princess lying on the sofa while watching her favorite show on the TV.

“Baby, Look who’s on the phone!” You say with a cheerful tone.

As sulky as she was before she still looked over to you and as soon as she saw her father on the phone the Y/D/N that you knew and loved cake back.

“Appa!!!”

You stayed on the phone for almost 2 hours during which your daughter happily told him about everything he had missed since his last phone call and he even got her to eat before she passed out on your lap. You were relieved that she was back to her old bubbly self.

Surprisingly, the call didn’t end after you put Y/D/N to bed like you would have thought. Instead Yoongi even insisted on staying on the phone to talk to you until you fell asleep too.

J-Hope (Jung Hoseok)

Your husband Hoseok was a superstar and his popularity was growing day by day. His fan base exceeded national boundaries so naturally he was gone a lot. Be it for a world tour, schedules in other countries or a collaboration with a western artist.

This time he had a 3 months tour all over America and had to stay there a little longer for the promotion of his new song with the newest big female artist in the USA right now.

Though you knew that you had to share your s/o with more than 30 Mio people, you didn’t mind because you knew that in the end you were the one he was married to and had two children with. Plus, you were an army too, so how could you be jealous knowing how important he was to them and vise versa.

Getting jealous because of his popularity would be stupid anyways because Hoseok was one of the most social and charismatic people you ever got to know, so you were sure that even if he wasn’t famous he’d still be gaining the attention of many people. But that wasn’t a bad thing, after all if he wasn’t that outgoing you doubt that you would have gotten to know each other.

So yeah, you were pretty proud of your husband for being so successful in the thing he loved to do. And when he was away you showed your support by watching every show and interview he did. It even became a family tradition for you and your son and daughter to gather in front of the TV every time you knew he was going to be on.

All three of you loved to see him goofing around on screen since lately that was the only way you got to see him.

His new collab song came out a week ago so he was in the middle of promotion and since the song was at the top of the charts a lot of shows demanded his appearance. So every day he was juggling between schedules, went back to the hotel very late and was too exhausted to call. During the preparation of the sind he also was drowning in work. J-Hope was a perfectionist so he stayed at the studio day and night in company of the singer he was making the song with, so every time you called he would tell you that he was busy working with her.

Now, as said before, you weren’t the jealous time at all but seeing how much time he spent with her and how much you were neglected in the process really didn’t sit right with you. And the fact that you saw how well (maybe even too well) they got along with each other on shows didn’t help. You knew fully well that Hoseok wouldn’t cheat on you and you couldn’t help the jealousy that was growing inside of you. You thought to yourself that you only felt that way because you hadn’t seen nor talked to him in so long.

Even so, you didn’t want to let it show in front of your kids since you didn’t want them to think that there was anything wrong with their parents, so you continued to watch the shows and interviews with them every day suppressing the feeling and casting a fake smile on your face.

You thought you were doing a great job at faking it but your son was old enough to notice that there was something wrong with you and he was clever enough to figure out the reason after seeing your smile fall a little every time you saw Hobi laugh with his new friend. He also noticed your general mood deteriorate more and more every time his father didn’t answer your calls.

As he watched you one day try to call your husband once more and sigh when he didn’t pick up your son had enough. He picked up his own phone and opted for messaging you seeing as he knew his father wasn’t going to answer anyways.

You’re an asshole. Hope you know that.

Even though he felt bad for cursing out his father his anger was bigger.

As expected, his father didn’t didn’t respond right away, in fact he didn’t see the message until 3 hours later but as soon as he saw it his heart sank and he immediately called his son racking his brain about what he could have done for his son to suddenly have such a bad image of him.

The 13 year old answered the phone with an eye roll. “Oh so your phone does work. Good to know.”

“Buddy? You alright?” Was all Hoseok said, making the young boy roll his eyes yet again.

“You would know if you called more often… or as all.” Hobi was sure he heard a hint of sadness hiding behind all the sass he definitely inherited from you.

“I’m sorry, bud. I just have so much to do that I barely ever have any time on my own and when I do it’s already the middle of the night over there.” Excuses, excuses is what your son thought.

“Yeah because you’re always with that other woman.” Your son replied now letting his guards down and letting his sadness show. On the other end of the line Hoseok was shocked by his son’s words. His son didn’t think he was cheating on you, did he?

“W-What do you mean?” Hobi asked carefully.

“Every time mom calls you you say that you’re busy with her. You’re making mom sad And I don’t like seeing her like that.”

Hobi sighed, “ Listen to me, okay? I love your mother very very much and I would never even think of doing something that would make me lose her and you and your sister in the process. I didn’t realize I made it seem as if I was hurting your mother on purpose. I wasn’t.”

“Tell that to her then. She acts like there’s nothing wrong but I can see that she’s just faking.” Although still worried for his mom he was actually very glad to hear his father say that.

He was just like you and preferred to hide his feelings so he would never let it show but he was actually very scared that his parents would split up.

“I will, kid. Thanks for making me aware of it.” He was very proud and happy to know that his son was turning into a real man protecting his mother.

“I’ll call her now. I’ll talk to you and your sister later, okay? Love and miss you lots.” He added

“I love you too, dad. Come home soon. Oh and dad?”

“Hm?”

“I’m sorry I called you an asshole.” Your son said bashfully, making his father laugh.

“It’s okay, but this better be the last time you talk to me like that.” Hobi answered semi-seriously.

“Yes, sir.” On that note they ended the call and Hobi didn’t miss a moment to call you.

RM (Kim Namjoon)

We all know that Namjoon is a very serious man when it comes to his work. I mean, he has to be, he is the leader of one of the most successful groups right now.

Off stage, Namjoon is also the best husband and father to your daughter. Always there for you two when you need it and when you don’t, the best support that you could ask for.

But with being the leader of BTS and of your family comes great responsibility, and as a result great stress. Between having to overview every schedule they have (and they have a lot), making sure everyone is Problem free and healthy both physically and mentally, making their songs, making sure everyone learns the songs and choreography and that the performances are perfect, playing the translator when they are overseas and having to take care or you and your 6 year old daughter there was not much time to work on his sanity. Don’t get me wrong, he loved doing all that, it was just… a bit much at times. Like now.

They had been on tour for 5 months now and they’re last break was too long ago to remember, meaning that Namjoon had been working non-stop for far too long. And he was already working on their next album that was supposed to come out soon after the tour, giving him extra work. He had no time to go visit the cities, no time to just hang out with the members and definitely no time to call you, and even though he was trying to not let it all get to him, it definitely was. And the fact that he had trouble with the song he was currently writing was not helping him very much.

In Korea, you were helping your daughter finalize the present she was making for her father for Father’s Day today.

She might be just 6 but she definitely had inherited Joon's incredible intelligence and creativity. That is why her present couldn’t be just a drawing of you three standing next to a house with a sun in the corner of the drawing.

She insisted on making an album full of pictures of her and her daddy with small notes and descriptions telling him why she loves him and her favorite memories of him.

She just started school so she couldn’t write very well but she still wanted to do it herself so right now you were just dictating her the words for the last note.

“All done mommy!” She exclaimed with a big toothless grin.

“Yay well done girlie! Shall we call daddy now and show him?”

Hearing your words, you saw her eyes light up. She didn’t waste a second before dashing to get your phone and coming back to where she left the album, making you giggle at her excitement.

You started the FaceTime call but went to stand outside of the frame right after. As mature as she wanted to act, your daughter was only 6 so you knew that Namjoon not making it to the ‘Bring you father to school day’ that her school was organizing for Father’s Day

As soon as she saw her father’s face she started beaming.

“Hi daddy!! Look what I ma-“ but her excitement was cut short by an annoyed voice.

“Y/D/N didn’t I tell you to stop taking people’s phones?” You were shocked by your husband's words and even more by his tone. Never has he ever spoken to her like that.

“But I-“ your daughter tried to explain herself but was cut off by her father once again.

“No buts young lady. You’re daddy’s busy, I can’t always talk when you want to. That’s why you should always wait for me to call or for your mother to call me. Now put the phone back where you found it.” And he ended the call.

You could see the tears forming in your daughter’s eyes as she kept on staring at the screen her usually loving father was just seconds ago.

Without a word you went over to where she was sitting and took her in your arms where she started sobbing.

You really didn’t know what was up with Namjoon. Usually even when he was majorly stressed he never talked like that. He was the most pacifist person you had ever seen and hated arguments. And seeing his little mini-me usually helped him destress.

It took you an hour to calm your daughter down and she finally fell asleep in your arms. You carried her into her room and put her in bed, careful not to wake her up.

With a heavy sigh you went back into the living room and retrieved your phone from the table. You took a picture of the album, sent it to your husband and wrote: Y/D/N made this for you. It’s a photo album with all the best memories she was with you. She was already upset enough that you can’t make it to “Bring Your Father To School Day” but you had to be pissy to her when she just wanted to show you her present? I know you probably are very stressed out because of everything and I understand it and I respect it. That’s why I refrain on calling you too often, but the one time I do, for Y/D/N sake btw, you react like that. That‘s really not cool, Namjoon.

Namjoon read the message you left him, and only then did it down on him how awful he was to your daughter and guilt started building in side of him at a rapid speed.

“Fuck.“

[luxekook]

intensity | myg

⇥ pairing: yoongi x reader ⇥ genre: angst, smut, fluff, established relationship ⇥ summary: this is a sequel to intimidation. in which yoongi is intense in every facet of their relationship, except one… and the reader is on a mission to find out why. ⇥ word count: 3.9k ⇥ warnings: nc17, cursing, dirty talk, general chaos, dom!yoongi with a side of switch, sub!reader with a side of switch, rough smut [oral (f receiving), light choking, spanking, breast worship, slight marking, slight ownership kink, unprotected sex (wrap it, folx, please), mentions of threesomes]

⇥ dedication: @shadowsremedy​​ heaaaath bby! i hope you like this! i think it might be terrible, but plz enjoy anyway sdfsdhbakj

⇥ prequel: intimidation

Six months into dating Min Yoongi and you were so fucking whipped for him that you might just say the dreaded “L” word.

Was it too soon to know? The majority of your friends sure thought so - Nia being the exception.

(“Wife him up, girl!”)

The majority of your friends also thought that Yoongi never outwardly showed how much he cared for you. But, you knew they just weren’t looking hard enough.

They weren’t looking at the way he linked his pinky with yours just to be connected to you. They weren’t looking at the way he always gave you his full and undivided attention no matter how trivial of a story you told. They weren’t looking at the way he flushed a light shade of pink whenever you complimented his music.

But you were looking. God, you were looking so hard you feared you might just melt under the intensity that was Min Yoongi.

Everything about Yoongi was intense: his aura, his focus, his ambition.

Everything about dating Yoongi was even more intense: his devotion, his affection, his possessive nature.

Everything about him was intense… Everything except one thing.

Sex.

And you were baffled.

Yoongi treated you like a queen, albeit a fragile one. He fucked you like you might break under him. He fucked you softly, sweetly.

You weren’t saying that the sex wasn’t good. He always made sure that you came multiple times with his fingers, his tongue, his cock. But it just wasn’t enough. It was like he was holding part of himself back from you. And you just wanted to know why.

Were you not attractive enough to evoke such fervor? Was he not into it? Oh lord, did he think you sucked at sex? You could pull out some receipts that said otherwise.

And, yet, the absolute worst part of it all was the fact that Yoongi’s reputation for being a dominant lover preceded him. You heard it from your friends, you heard it from the twitter-verse, you heard it from his friends… fuck, you’d even heard it from your damn T.A.

And yet, all Yoongi gave you was sweet, sweet vanilla.

And all you wanted was some damn rocky road.

The tipping point came earlier that night when you had overheard Yoongi and his friends talking about you…

“Aren’t you bored, Yoongi? What do you even do together? Make flashcards?”

That was one fucking time, you had glared accusingly at the wooden door that separated you from where Yoongi and his friends had been congregated in his tiny dorm room. Your ears had strained to catch Yoongi’s muttered response through the cacophony of laughter and had failed miserably.

When you had planned to surprise your boyfriend after your night class had been cancelled, you’d never thought that you would end up being the one caught off guard.

You hadn’t initially meant to eavesdrop on their conversation, but his friends had just been so loud and your curiosity had just gotten the best of you.

“She’s such a goody-goody… I bet she doesn’t let you get rough.”

That time you had heard Yoongi’s answer: “I just don’t know if she could handle it… (y/n) is the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I don’t want to mess it up if I blow her back out and break her.”

You had heard enough. Turning on your heel, you had marched back down the dimly lit hallway towards the stairwell. 

“Couldn’t handle it. Couldn’t handle it?”

Now, you found yourself still seething hours later. Livid, but not without plans. You had already decided to take this matter into your own hands days earlier, but now your timeline had shifted. Oh, Min Yoongi would rue the day…

You smiled at your reflection in the mirror as you applied your blood red lipstick. Your phone long since silenced lit up for the umpteenth time that evening.

You were ignoring him. Was it petty? Yes. Was it strategic? Fuck yes.

You knew that Yoongi would be going to Seokjin’s birthday party tonight. The older boy had blackmailed Yoongi into going a few weeks ago by threatening to release an old demo that Yoongi had made in his early teens.

Suddenly, you were also going to make an appearance - a complete coincidence, of course.

Nia had convinced you that going with her to this party would drive Yoongi crazy, especially since you'd been ignoring him. But she also had an ulterior motive. Nia and Jimin had been hooking up on and off since you and Yoongi had gotten together; and, right now, they were very much in an 'on' phase.

You gave yourself one last glance over in the mirror and shrugged. The little black dress and heeled ankle boots would do. After all, it was really what was underneath that counted.

The new lingerie that you had impulse-ordered a few days ago after brainstorming ideas on how to make Yoongi lose his mind had arrived. The set that you settled on tonight might just achieve that goal - all black lace with garters and thigh highs.

It had put a nice dent in your wallet, but it would be well worth it if your boyfriend finally fucked you into next week.

Speaking of... your phone lit up yet again, this time with an incoming call. You were so tempted to pick up. Yoongi's voice was your favorite - all deep and raspy and teasing.

Your freshly manicured finger sent him to voicemail.

“(Y/n)!” Nia’s voice called from her bedroom adjacent to the bathroom you currently resided in, “Are you ready?”

“Yes, let’s do this.”

Fifteen minutes later, you walked through Jin’s front door. “Whoa,” Nia stopped short, making you bump into her.

“What?” You surveyed the crowded room. Then you spotted him. “Oh my god.”

Jin stood atop the coffee table wearing nothing but a pair of banana-printed shorts and a felt birthday cake hat. He was also dancing rather aggressively to “Birthday Cake” by Rihanna.

“Yah!” His attention suddenly fell on you and Nia, “Wel-come and put your name on it.”

You both gaped at the birthday boy who now was descending into a twerking fit while screaming the word ‘cake’ alongside Rihanna.

“Do you think it’s too late to turn back?” You whispered to Nia.

“He’s already seen us. We’re doomed,” Nia responded, her eyes still glued to Jin’s writhing form.

Laughing, you grabbed Nia’s wrist and tugged her towards the kitchen.

Suddenly, you felt eyes on you, on your body. You knew that Yoongi was here somewhere, and he’d seen you. It would be so easy to just go up to your boyfriend and smother him with kisses and affection like usual; but, that was not on the agenda. And so you forged forth without a backwards glance towards the living room where he must have been.

After fixing a drink and losing Nia quickly to Jimin, you were still steadfastly avoiding going back into the living room. Now, you were in a nice conversation with a boy named Jinyoung about the merits of being in Slytherin.

"Can I talk to you?" Yoongi pushed in between you and Jinyoung, effectively interrupting your rant over how Slytherin ambition can be used for good.

"Can it wait?" You spared your boyfriend a cursory glance before turning back to Jinyoung. Yoongi already looked thoroughly pissed off. Perfect. Suppressing a smile, you tried to reinstate your conversation with Jinyoung and pretend that Yoongi was not even there.

Yoongi let out a low growl before snapping, “No, it can't wait." He grabbed your hand and began to pull you down the narrow hallway. Your feigned protests fell on deaf ears as he continued to tug you along towards Jin's room. You waved in departure at an amused Jinyoung who just raised his glass in your direction.

Opening the door, Yoongi pushed you inside and slammed the door shut behind him. Crossing his arms across his chest, Yoongi pinned you with his stare. “Are you mad at me?" His question came with an accompanying head tilt and eyebrow raise.

“No. What makes you say that?” You reveled in the scoff he made in response.

Yoongi stalked towards where you stood at the foot of Jin’s bed. “You haven’t answered my texts or calls. You haven’t acknowledged me all night. You even walked right by me earlier in the living room, baby. So help me out, because I’m a little confused.”

“Join the club.”

“What was that?” His narrowed eyes spat fire in your direction. The words you had mumbled under your breath were obviously not as subtle as you thought.

“Nothing, baby.” You smiled innocently despite your boyfriend’s growing fury. “I just didn’t see you or your texts earlier.”

Yoongi’s jaw clenched. “Bullshit.”

“Yoongi, drop it.”

“No, I won’t drop it, (y/n)! You’re obviously mad at something I did.”

“I’m not!”

“Oh my god. You’re fucking furious.”

“I’m not mad, okay? God, I am so tired of you parading around like you know every damn thing about me. Well, guess what: you don’t, Min Yoongi!”

Your boyfriend’s eyebrows had practically disappeared under the fringe of his hair during your outburst. His eyes were comically wide as you continued.

“You think I’m so fucking breakable? Newsflash, buddy, I’ve been someone else’s sub before! But you wouldn’t know that, would you? You wouldn’t even know the first thing about what I like in bed. And you know why? Because you’ve never asked!”

Yoongi no longer looked shellshocked. No. Now, he just looked downright agitated. “Baby, calm down.”

This little shit right here…

“Oh no, you don’t get to tell me to calm down! Not when you’ve been going around telling everyone and their mother that you fuck me like I’m fragile. And, meanwhile, I’m over here being bombarded with people ranting and raving about how rough you are in bed! Well, if you’re so rough and ready then why the fuck am I still getting this sweet vanilla shit? Am I not attractive enough for you, is that it?”

“Kitten, I’d really advise you to stop talking.” The new nickname flew right over your head as you spared a glance in his direction and swallowed. His expression was thunderous. Too bad you were too far into your rant to turn back now.

“I must be really fucking boring to you if you won’t even consider spicing things up with me! Am I not pleasing enough for you to want your fucking mark on my body? Is that it? Or are you just tired of me in general?“

“You’re playing a very dangerous game here, (y/n)…” Yoongi cupped your chin in his hand tightly and drew your face up to his. You gulped. You had never seen your boyfriend look so angry, so punishing, so hot. He continued, “I’ve told you before that I’d give you anything if you just asked for it. So, I just want you to think about what you’re asking for here.”

The words were out of your mouth before you could stop them. “I haven’t thought about anything else for fucking weeks! I even considered asking Sehyun for advice!”

“And who’s Sehyun?”

Oh, fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. You had not planned to mention your dominant ex-boyfriend as part of this conversation.

“(Y/n), I am going to ask you one more time… Who. Is. Sehyun?”

In your tiniest voice, you replied, “My ex who used to dom me.”

Yoongi hissed a breath in between his teeth. “So, you’re telling me that instead of coming to me with this, you thought about going to your fucking ex? Your old dom?”

This was not good. This was really not good.

“That’s not the point!”

“You’re right.” Yoongi suddenly sits on the edge of the bed and tugged me face down across his lap. “The point is that you’ve been bad. And bad girls get punished.”

It was honestly embarrassing how quickly you got wet after he uttered those words with you splayed out on top of him. Positioned like this, you felt vulnerable, totally at his mercy.

Yoongi rolled up the bottom of your dress. As you felt the cool air of the room brush your lace-covered ass and thighs, Yoongi sucked in a breath. You felt his gaze on you. “Kitten,” His voice came out deeper than you had ever heard it before, "Did you buy these for me?"

You shimmied your hips on his lap, craving any sort of friction. "Yes," you moaned as you felt Yoongi's fingers hook under one of your garters, before pulling and snapping it back onto the skin of your thigh. The accompanying sharp sting of pain only made you even more soaked - a fact that was not lost on Yoongi.

"You like that, don't you?" Yoongi repeats his actions on your other thigh before murmuring lowly, "Don't you, my little slut?"

You let out an involuntary moan at his filthy words, grinding into his dark jeans.

Smack. Yoongi slapped one of your cheeks, startling you with both the sound and the sting.

“I asked you a question.“ Yoongi's hand kneaded your ass, causing the prickling of pain to quickly turn to pleasure.

"I do! I do like it, daddy.” The title slipped out automatically, but judging by the way Yoongi's cock twitched underneath you, he didn't mind.

"Fuck yeah, kitten. Call me daddy.”

Yup, he really didn't mind.

"Now, I want you to count," Yoongi growled, hand squeezing you roughly before sliding your panties and thigh highs off to fully uncover your ass and thighs.

"Yes, daddy.” The anticipation, though brief, made your heart race.

"This is for ignoring my messages.” 

Smack. "One."

“This one is for ignoring me in person.”

Smack. "T-two."

”This is for lying to me."

Smack. "Three."

"This is for thinking you're not attractive enough for me."

Smack. "Four."

"This is for even considering that I might find you boring."

Smack. "F-five."

“Look at you,” Yoongi’s fingers suddenly ceased their kneading and drifted to your drenched pussy, “You’re fucking soaked, and you’re only halfway though your punishment.” His finger slid inside you fleetingly before sliding back out. Your back arched in search of contact - something, anything.

“This is for not saying you wanted my mark sooner."

Smack. “Si-ix.”

“Actually, kitten, I’m going to give you two for that one.”

Smack. “Mm, seven.” The heat from his smacks was spreading from your ass to your pussy, settling low in your belly.

”This is for mentioning that prick Sehyun."

Smack. "You don't even know h-" Smack. Smack.

“E-eight!”

"This is for being a brat and not coming to me with your issues."

Smack. “Nine.”

“This is for fucking dripping all over my jeans despite the fact that this was supposed to be a punishment.”

Smack. “Ten.”

You laid slack in his lap for a bit, pliant under his kneading hands.

“You did so well, kitten.” Yoongi cradled you in his arms, pulling you into an upright position before laying you down on the bed with your legs hanging off the side. “I’m going to fuck you so hard…” He groaned, burying his face against your breasts, lips seeking. “But first, I think you need a little reward after taking that punishment so well.”

You arched, needing his mouth.

“Let’s get these clothes off of you.” He pulled your dress over your head before quickly unhooking your bra from behind your back.

“Goddamn, you really do have the prettiest fucking nipples I’ve ever seen, kitten. I always wonder if I could make you cum just by sucking them. I bet I can…”

Your mind grew hazy when he finally turned his head and took one of your nipples between his lips, dragging his tongue over the sensitive bud. He sucked it into his mouth with a groan, and you couldn’t help but moan, “Yes, daddy!” Your body felt like it was burning; but, still, you wanted more.

He turned to your other nipple and muttered, “You taste so sweet, (y/n)...” Yoongi worshipped your other nipple with his mouth, his tongue, and even the slightest bite of teeth. After finally leaving that one as aching as the other, he pulled back to face you.

“Kitten, you’re so fucking sexy.” He hovered over you, taking his time kissing down your stomach, leaving marks in his wake. Intentionally skipping the place you need him most, Yoongi trailed kisses on the insides of your thighs. Finally, he was poised over the seam of your pussy.

“This,” his breath caressed your slit, “Belongs to me.” You squirmed, anxious with anticipation.

“Say it,” Yoongi growled, slapping your pussy lightly, “Say that this pretty pussy is all mine.”

“It’s yours. God, Yoongi, it’s yours. Please, daddy.” Your pleas burst from your mouth in an embarrassingly whiny tone.

And then it happened in a blink. His mouth was on you. His hot tongue swiped over your clit before drawing it into his mouth and sucking it.

As he devoured you, a growl sounded from his chest; and, the idea of finally, finally inspiring that kind of lust turned you on so fucking much.

“D-daddy, I’m going to c-come!” You were already coming undone with each skilled swipe of his tongue.

Yoongi pulled back. Honestly, you really should have seen that coming.

(Or should have seen yourself not coming for that matter.)

Before you could even attempt to slide your own hand down to where you needed it most, Yoongi pulled you up towards him. Your legs shook as you tried to find your balance, but he was too impatient for that evidently.

Yoongi picked you up, and you instinctively wrapped your legs around his slim waist.

Stumbling, you both crashed into the wall. His hips pressed firmly into yours, wanting you to feel him.

He rested his forehead against yours, and, breathing heavily, he said, "I can't believe you thought for one second that I didn't find you attractive." His hips ground into yours. You felt his hardness, his heat, his desire for you. "Does this feel like I'm not attracted to you, kitten? Can’t you tell how hard I am for you? Fuck, you just had me on my knees, facedown in your pussy... Don’t you know that you fucking own me?"

"Y-yoongi," You gasped for air, breathless from his admissions and his actions, "I know it now. You fucking own me, too."

His lips turned up at the corners before slamming down onto yours, kissing you as if you would disappear if he stopped. Your hand twined around his neck, lacing your fingers through the short strands of his hair and kissing him back with equal vigor.

He tasted so fucking good, like soju and strawberries. You sucked on his tongue, and he groaned. Yoongi’s fingers dug even deeper into the sensitive flesh of your upper thighs.

“Need to fuck you now,” He muttered into your mouth.

"You're gonna have to strip for that to happen, daddy,” You said, smirking as he set you down.

Smack. “I should have known you were a fucking brat,” he laughed.

You pouted in response as you watched your hot-as-sin boyfriend make quick work of his clothes. Your eyes drifted over the lean muscles of his body before settling on the hard length of his cock. What you wouldn’t give to take him in your mouth right now…

“No time for that,” Yoongi chuckled, noticing your attention and catching onto your train of thought, “Now be a good girl and bend over the bed.”

Well, since he asked so nicely.

You complied, bending over with a mix of excitement and arousal bubbling in your stomach. You could feel Yoongi standing over you. He snaked one hand around your body to thumb one of your nipples. His other hand ventured lower, and one of his fingers pumped inside your pussy.

He pinched your nipple. “Fuck, kitten, you’re so fucking wet for me.”

“Please, daddy. Please fuck me.” You groaned, arching into his finger as he pumped it in and out of you. “I need your cock.”

“Yeah? You want daddy’s cock?” Yoongi’s finger disappeared. In its place, you felt the crown of his cock slowly stroking your folds. “Then, you’ll get it.”

He slid into you with a deep groan, his hand twining into your hair.  He was so hard; his arousal only made you needier. He slowly began to slide in and out.You moved your hips to match his, wanting to feel his full-length reach deep inside you with every stroke.

His thrusts became faster and harder. “Good girl.” You could feel his gaze fixed between your legs. “I see you taking me.”

Still gripping your hair,  Yoongi pulled out and slammed back in, giving everything into each thrust and rocking you against the bed.

You buried your head into the duvet to muffle your moans. It took every muscle in you not to come.

"Fuck, (y/n),“ He groaned as he plunged into you. You backed up into him, trying to get him even deeper inside you. He lifted you onto all fours and the resulting angle was divine.

Your body started shaking. Subconsciously, one of your hands shimmied down your body to touch your clit, needing that final push.

Apparently, not on Yoongi’s watch.

He pulled one hand away from its grip on your hip and set it back down with a smack. Your right ass cheek stung fiercely. “I didn’t give you permission to touch yourself, kitten,” Yoongi growled, “That’s my job.”

And, with that, Yoongi pinched your clit and slammed into you. That was all it took to push you over the edge. “Ah, Yoongi!” You screamed into the comforter of the bed in hopes that it might muffle your exclamation.

“That’s right, kitten, milk daddy’s cock. Fuck yes,” Yoongi continued to pound into you through your own orgasm. His moans got louder as his thrusts grew sloppier until his hot cum poured into you.

Breathing heavily, he collapsed on top of you briefly before pulling out and falling to your side. You both continued to pant in your collapsed positions on the bed. You could hardly move.

You turned your head to the side to look at your boyfriend. His eyes were hooded, his hair a mess. “Round two?” You suggested with a smile.

Yoongi’s gummy smile made a brief appearance, “You’re going to kill me, (y/n).”

“No,” Jin’s voice came from the doorway, “I’m going to kill you both.”

You and Yoongi screamed as you scrambled to pull the comforter over your naked bodies.

“I can’t believe this,” the birthday boy continued, “You fucked in my room? In my bed? On my birthday? And I didn’t even get an invite?” His eyes were twitching murderously. “I’m the one who’s supposed to have birthday sex! Me, you peasants, me!”

You shot Yoongi a speculative look as Jin continued to rant.

“Really?” Your boyfriend groaned at your unspoken question, “Right now?”

“It’s his birthday!” You hissed, “Besides, I did show up without a present…”

Yoongi pondered it, “Fine, but I am so punishing you for this later. Fucking hell, how many more kinks do you have that I don’t know about?”

As Yoongi trailed off, muttering about masochism and threesomes, you stood. Clutching the blanket to your body, you walked over to where Jin had finally quieted down.

The boy eyed you suspiciously, “What?”

“You said you wanted an invite, Kim.” You dropped the blanket, “Consider the invitation sent.”

a/n: big yikes on how this turned out skskskss hope you liked it anyway despite the chaotic-ness that is this fic

© luxekook. please do not repost, modify, edit or translate.

[dangermousie]

how did you fall out of love with american/ british dramas? There are plenty of TVD and PLL tags so you clearly had your share of obsession modes on them that you now devote to asian ones (for which I am very grateful, of course. your posts are my evening tea) But i am curious. Tastes evolve all the time, yes. But the fact that you use "this show is like an american drama with an asian cast" as an insult does make me wonder, how DID you fall out?

Going to parse words first, because I am that kind of pedantic - "this show is like an American show" is not really an insult, it's merely an indication of something that is not for me. I don't think American shows are terrible per se, they are just not my thing. It's as if I described something being a procedural and noped out. There is nothing wrong with procedurals as a genre and they are enjoyed by a billion people worldwide - they are just not for me. A drama that is "an American show with an Asian cast" may be high quality (and many do very well) but it is utterly not what I want in my fiction, since this is not a thing I want to watch regardless of who's in the cast.

And now on to the substance - your ask sort of answers it. If you look at my tags for e.g., TVD or PLL (or Reign or Doctor Who or any other American/British shows), you will see that I bail and lose interest long before those shows conclude. That is if they don't get cancelled in the middle of their story leaving it dangling.

And that is because the bulk of them do not have a fixed start and a fixed end, they just keep going and going and going without any planned endpoint until they have too many ridiculous stories and twists and god knows what to keep it going or just get yanked leaving the story untold. I never watched any tv shows as a child and so my main frame for reference in fiction growing up was novels. Perhaps that is why I need my stories to have a beginning, a middle and an end. And dramas give me that. Until very recently, only a vanishingly small number even planned or hoped for a second season. I could be safe in assurance that the story has a narrative arc - if it's a kdrama, it could be a little shorter or longer than planned depending on the ratings - but while a 16 ep drama could turn into a 24 one, or even like Jumong expand from 50+ to 80+, it had a story it was going to tell in a sane amount of time and end (and in cdramas, because they have to be prefilmed and reviewed by SARFT, the ep plans are even more rigid. I love that in so many cdramas, the eps don't even have individual arcs and just randomly end when they reach 45 min arc - it really is like a really long movie.)

Anyway, I got tired of that stuff in American shows. I was never a huge watcher of them tbh - before I discovered dramas in 2006, I liked anime for a few years and before that I basically never watched anything on TV. I just read and watched movies, with some rare exceptions. (Farscape is the best show ever made by anyone and I will fight people who disagree.)

And honestly, this is still the case - most Western shows don't work for me but rarely they do grab. The last American show I loved from beginning to end was Spartacus, which ended in 2013, eight years ago. Just not often and I don't look for them much any more because I don't need to, I have other things more to my taste.

When I say a drama feels like an American show, I am not saying it feels like Farscape or Spartacus or Battlestar Galactica. I am saying it feels like one of those neverending soaps or a procedural or a cynical afraid of genuine emotion snarkfests and none of them ending properly.

[forbidding-souda]

How about Aoi, Leon, Yasu, Nagito, Soda, Chiaki and Ibuki overcare their s/o who's sick? Like, giving to s/o all blankets in house, buying 10 packs of every medicine, checking them every 15 mins, waking up at night to check them, and so on. I think s/o will be confused with such an attention to minor illnes and unsure if their love is okay but still grateful. Probably s/o will just force them to calm down and get a full night of sleep bc hey, they slept 5 hours last night awakening every 40 mins

Asahina, Leon, Hagakure, Komaeda, Souda, Chiaki and Ibuki taking care of a sick S/O

I would die for this ngl ! All the anons requesting people have such good taste in characters yes thank you.

-Mod Souda

Aoi Asahina

Aoi would make soup like once an hour just to make sure you’re not hungry.

Her mind is going to be occupied with thoughts about whether you are too hot or too cold.

“Do you need a blanket?”

“Aoi, I already have four.”

She is usually concerned about a lot of things, so you being sick makes things worse.

The front door is not going to be touched until you feel better.

She will insist on you staying in bed, too. You are not allowed anywhere else!

Her hands will stroke your head, running through your hair, and it will be the most relaxing thing in the world.

Sakura will even come by to leave you protein shakes, just in case you get tired of soup.

She’s mad she won’t be able to get any kisses while you’re sick.

But she will sleep by your side still, though on top of the blankets.

Literally doesn’t care if she gets sick.

If she catches your illness, she’s been caught slipping, but that doesn’t mean she won’t cuddle with you at night.

She’ll wake up though, suddenly, and make sure you haven’t gotten worse in the two hours she was asleep.

“Oh my god, Hina, go to sleep I am fine.”

Leon Kuwata

Panics at first.

He’s never really had a partner for as long as he has had you, so he is inexperienced when it comes to having one get sick.

Should he still kiss you? Can he hold your hand?

You end up having to ease him by stroking his face, cooing to him that you’ll be fine.

He allows you to walk around the house, but if you even try to do any house work - like the dishes - he’ll just lead you back to bed and do them himself.

“Maybe I should get sick more often.”

He misses his head rubs, though, but he won’t put you to work of any sort.

You should totally be relaxing right now! As hard work will make it even worse!

He’ll sleep on the couch, set alarms to go check on you. 

In the middle of the night he will peak in to make sure you’re not dead, and then go back to sleep.

Cancels on baseball practices, too, not like he even went to them in the first place.

You being sick is the only time you’ll get him to do housework, too.

Hagakure Yasuhiro

Very helpful boyfriend, yes yes.

He is a big listener, and he’s good at following commands.

So you tell him a grocery list, warm foods you’ll eat and the type of medicine to get, because lord if he knows.

He’ll come back with that and more, much more.

“Why did you buy five pillows.”

“Because four wasn’t enough.”

He will n e v e r leave your bed side. 

Not a second goes by you are not alone, he’ll even wait for you outside of the bathroom.

He’ll give you massages too, whenever you feel ache-y. 

That’s the best part ^.

He’s very disappointed that you won’t let him sleep next to you in bed, scared that he’ll catch whatever you have.

He responds by giving you kisses all over your face. “There, see, now I have it.”

“Oh my god.”

Nagito Komaeda

Would 100% kidnap Mikan.

Or somehow his luck would lead to her over at your house.

“Wow, Mikan, how lucky am I to have you over here?”

She’s like ??? 

But she tells Komaeda that it’s something minor, and to not worry about you.

You could have told him that.

He doesn’t listen.

Even though he brought her in the first place.

He can’t really cook, but he tries. And it’s decent, considering it’s all just healthy foods.

Your medication is definitely going into those monday tuesday wednesday things.

The usual cuddling and head rubs doesn’t stop.

It’s not like he fears anything other than you not being safe.

Really won’t sleep either.

He’ll just stay up, sitting in bed and watching you.

“Nagito, that is so weird, go to sleep.”

“But what if something happens?”

“Sleep!!”

Kazuichi Souda

Knows how to take care of somebody.

Is very soft, and caring, which is uncharacteristic.

Strokes your head every time he gives you medicine, or whenever he feeds you.

Which, you can definitely feed yourself, but he persists.

Makes you an air purifying to help you breathe and clean the air.

Also brings in a lot of fans to keep you at room temperature when you’re warm.

Honestly, he just wanted to put you in a bubble with him until you are better.

If you are too hot, he’ll run a cold bath for you to help you calm down.

“You’re not staying with me while I bathe.”

“That sucks that you think that way.”

Stands outside of the door, listening in to make sure you won’t die.

Sleeps on the floor next to your bed, and instantly checks up on you when he wakes up.

Chiaki Nanami

Puts you in a blanket caterpillar.

Makes sure you are comfortable!! That’s her main thing.

Cooking you food reminds her to eat, too, and she’ll make two of everything so you don’t have to eat alone.

Set up a chair by your bed to sit on.

Her staying up to make sure you are okay makes her more sleepy.

She’s fall asleep on your stomach a lot.

You have to ask her to game too, but she’s scared it’ll give you a headache or stress you out.

But you both sit in bed and play together.

It doesn’t stress you out like she thought, it made you feel a lot better.

She always lifts up your mood, everything she does is so cute.

In the morning, she’ll have you sit up so she could use her nails to scratch your back, kissing your shoulder blades in the process. 

She knows you’ll get better, so she isn’t too concerned, but she worries about you being uncomfortable.

Ibuki Mioda

Is the most concerned.

Gives you every blanket in the house, trying to make sure that you are alright.

She sings you to sleep every night, but she doesn’t take song requests.

Sometimes she gets way too into it and just keeps you up.

And when you’re too cold, she’ll put on a cold bath and bathe with you, cleaning you to make sure you are taking care of yourself.

In the morning, when you wake up, she’ll brush your hair.

Constantly reminds you to take medicine, even like ten minutes after she just gave you some.

Big on having you take medicine, because she thinks it’s the cure to everything.

“If you take your medicine, it’ll go away!”

“I mean, yeah, I guess.”

She also doesn’t want you to drink anything other than water.

Tea is obviously the only exception, and she likes making it for you.

She is always asking you what you need, and she listens to whatever you say, because all she wants is for you to be comfortable.

Now that you’re in one place, you two can watch movies together.

And you also are forced to lay there and listen to her ramble about something whenever she gets off topic.

[nomadinia]

Chronicles of an unfortunate athlete (part 1)

I waited a long time to write this review because I wanted to make sure I had all the facts. I was originally going to give CareAxis a 1 star rating, but the physiotherapist I met with was beyond amazing, hence the only reason for my 2 star rating. Note, this review is more about my experience as an athlete with one of the doctors running this program than the program itself.

There is so much to say that I don't really know where to begin, but let me start by saying that dealing with the CareAxis neurosurgeon's office was one of the most frustrating medical experiences I have ever had. Since my situation is quite peculiar, I have dealt with my fair share of unhelpful doctors, but this neurosurgeon in particular is the epitome of medical nonchalance in my eyes.

This has been a 5 years odyssey, so I’ll try to be as concise as I can throughout this review.

I am a former competitive varsity athlete and some of my teammates have gone on to become Olympians. Needless to say, my body has endured some grueling training. I trained at a competitive level from the age of 18 to 23, and one thing about grueling training is that it makes one very attuned to their body, so I’ve always known automatically when something was up with mine. I always wanted to continue my competitive career at a professional level, but unfortunately due to debilitating back and shin pain and incontinence (keep that in mind), I had to retire from competitive athletics at 24. Fitness and competitive athletics were everything to me, I had a fitness blog with over 62,000 followers, I was about to start a fitness channel, and I was putting in the hard work towards becoming a professional runner.

My deteriorating physical health took a huge toll on me mentally, but despite my early retirement, I still clung to my dreams of returning to competitive athletics. So for 3 years, I had endless appointments with my family doctor to try to find the cause of my symptoms. However, at 27, I was tired of getting nowhere, so I started pushing for diagnostic tests. I am fortunate to have a family doctor who understands my drive and doesn't mind sending me for diagnostic tests as long as I pay for them.

In June 2020, I had a full body MRI and that's when we discovered that I had moderate to severe congenital lumbar spinal stenosis (L4-L5-S1). Thinking it was the source of my ailments, my doctor and I were ecstatic. I was even more ecstatic knowing that there were still hopes of qualifying for Boston 2022 if I could get surgery in 2020. Since I knew how ridiculously long the wait time for a neurosurgeon is in Quebec, I searched the Internet for private neurosurgeons in Quebec. I was very happy to CareAxis initiative and thought it was really great after reading about it. Besides, because the program included an orthopedic surgeon, I was even more excited, thinking, "let's kill two birds with one stone - we can find a solution to my back pain and also to my shin pain”. All in all, I had so much high hopes.

One thing leading to another, I self-referred myself to the program, met with a physiotherapist (to whom I gave a copy of my MRI report and a flash drive containing the images thinking that would be sent to the neurosurgeon (keep that in mind). I have to commend CareAxis because I was contacted fairly quickly after my assessment with the physiotherapist (2-3 days). Unfortunately, I couldn't make it to the appointment because I live 2 hours away from Montreal and I'm a public servant, so I can't just give a 2 day notice to my manager. I opted for a phone consultation.

Now that's where the whole debacle begins...

1) At our first consultation, the neurosurgeon did not have my MRI report or MRI imaging study. I was baffled because (a) this information had been provided to the physiotherapist, and (b) I distinctly remember leaving a voicemail for one of his receptionists with the information of the clinic where I had my MRI.

I was so excited for our first phone consultation, but it really turned out to be unfruitful. Side note, he is very punctual in terms of his phone consultations. I was very disappointed though since our first consultation lasted less than 15 min if I remember correctly. Although disappointed, I was not mad because it was more of an administrative error. I couldn't really blame the neurosurgeon, but it should have been a red flag call to the many communication flaws in this program. Before ending our phone call, he asked me to send him a copy of the MRI images and the report and I did so promptly.

2) Since the clinic where I had my MRI did not provide me with a CD, as patients have access to an online portal, I downloaded the images onto a flash drive and sent it to the neurosurgeon. On our first phone call, I mentioned this and made sure that sending the flash drive was okay. He confirmed that it was ok. Everything was sent by express mail, so I knew he would receive it within a week.

I waited a whole week and no phone call.... Knowing how busy neurosurgeons are, I let the time pass (a WHOLE month) because I figured he had a lot to do. Besides, no one likes to be seen as a clingy patient... Of course, after a whole month of no response, I finally called his clinic and to my surprise, his secretary informed me that he had not been able to open the USB drive... Internally, I was very annoyed because this meant that if I hadn't called his clinic, no one would have informed me of the problem. Once again, I brushed off the issue and told his secretary that I would contact the Vancouver clinic to have the CD sent to them.

3) I contacted the Vancouver clinic and had the CD sent to the neurosurgeon’s office. I think it was sent to him fairly quickly. Unfortunately, he was once again unable to see my images as his clinic did not have the necessary technology and once again nobody informed me of the problem. Again, I wasn't really mad because the technology used in Vancouver to perform my MRI required a specific type of software (DICOM).

I found it strange though that a hospital could not open a DICOM file given that (a) I was able to see the images on my computer after downloading a DICOM software and (b) other clinics were also able to open the images. Anyhow, I was not too bothered by this problem, what irritated me was once again the lack of communication from neurosurgeon’s office.

4) Since the neurosurgeon could not open my MRI images, he scheduled me for an MRI and, yes, you guessed it, again, no one called to inform me. It was a total shock to me when on Christmas Eve (December 24) I received a letter in the mail informing me of an MRI scheduled for December 26. I live in the National Capital Region, which meant a two-hour drive that I didn't mind, but for God's sake, it was the holidays and people make plans at this time of year. Of course, when I tried to call the radiology division to tell them I couldn't make it, I was greeted with an auto message saying they were closed, so of course I couldn't talk to anyone. That's when I started to get more than a little annoyed.

Fast forward, I ended up getting the MRI he ordered. While I really despise many aspects of his program, I have to give credit where it is due – the MRI rescheduling was done pretty quickly (February 2021). Now we are getting to the part that really was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Because of all the shenanigan going on, it took the neurosurgeon about six months to tell me that it was not my spinal stenosis that was causing my shin pain and incontinence. I don't mind him not knowing what was causing my shin pain and incontinence, but the fact that the whole process took six months is unacceptable!

From the time I referred myself to CareAxis (September 2020) to the time the neurosurgeon was finally able to get an MRI of my spine (February 2021), six months elapsed. For many people, 6 months may not seem like much, but for a high-performance athlete who wants to return to their sport, it's half a year. In the world of sports, especially high performance sports, so much can be accomplished in six months, especially in terms of training or rehabilitation... Keep in mind that since I was out of my sport for such a long period of time, I could have really used some of that time to reacclimate my body to a high and demanding level of physical training. Those six months of shenanigans really could have been cut in half if only there had been ongoing communication with the patient (i.e., myself). I could have been proactive on so many aspects throughout the process.

Since the neurosurgeon was quite baffled by my situation, he decided to make an appointment for an in-person consultation to better evaluate me (in May 2021). However, I remember having a strange feeling during our last phone call - as I explained my symptoms to him, I could sense the disinterest in his voice. At that point, I realized that he is the type of doctor who won't do much to help an athlete get back into their sport.

After our last phone conversation, I fell into a depression because I was disappointed that my spinal stenosis wasn't the cause of my shin pain and incontinence. I was really at my wits end with all the diagnostic tests and medical appointments. Eventually, I picked myself back up and, because I didn't want my judgment to be clouded, I cancelled the in-person consultation with the neurosurgeon and decided it would be best if I did some research on my own. I also asked my doctor at the time to refer me to a sports medicine doctor.

Long story short, after doing extensive research, I felt confident enough to meet with the neurosurgeon. So I called his clinic to make an appointment - his office never returned my call (it's been 7 months now). Dr. Santaguida never sent notes to my doctor either and didn't even try to refer me to anyone else. He simply forgot about me. Fortunately, I was always proactive, and during those 7 months, I had asked my doctor for a referral to another neurosurgeon, but more importantly, I sought recommendations from experts. I contacted a Norwegian MSK rehabilitation and injuries specialist who reviewed my MRI images and recommended the right spine surgery. Furthermore, I obtained a second opinion from Sandford University, Jefferson University, UC San Diego, and the Global neurosciences institute. And we were able to shed some light on the incontinence.

With a proper physical exam and detailed sports history, we could have easily shed light on most of my ailments. Moreover, I could have had the necessary additional tests quickly and been on my way back to a very physical lifestyle. It turned out that in addition to spinal stenosis, I have chronic exertional compartment syndrome – CECS (shin pain) and a sports hernia (Gilmore's groin, athletic pubalgia, whatever you want to call it) in my right groin that causes the urological symptoms (incontinence). And to top it all off, I have PCOS.

Imagine having PCOS along with moderate to severe spinal stenosis, CECS and a sports hernia that irritates the bladder. Life was certainly not joyful... While the chances of the CareAxis neurosurgeon suspecting CECS and athletic pubalgia would have been very slim, he worked with an orthopedic surgeon who could have given him excellent advice on how to manage a former athlete... This neurosurgeon could have even referred me or suggested that I see a sport doctor. I went through many extra hurdles that could have been avoided.

While I can't fault the neurosurgeon for not knowing about CECS and sports hernias, as these are occult sports injuries that only a sports physician or team of experts would suspect, I am definitely irritated that I had to endure unnecessary pain and that proper treatment was delayed.

[puthyjuth]

wats up so update idk if any one even read that mf wall of text

first i did end up setting boundaries but it was much easier than i thought :D i was just like yea imma start eating at 5pm and 10pm bc if i dont then i sleep at 4am and my partners dad understood phew so i feel a lot less pressure to eat with everyone ALL the time

that being said hes making bun bo hue today and of course imma eat with everyone !! im excited it sounds really good :)

second so im finding a new form of autonomy and privacy aka a bit of a third space without having to use too many resources. the great thing about suburbs is that ppl got HOUSES and yards and stuff!! and my partners family has a really nice garden filled with plants and herbs and its beautiful and i realized all i needed was a HAMMOCK!!!!

i hate sitting up for too long bc i get really tired so i need to lay down a lot which is why i like our room but i dont like being in there all the time, but i dont like the living room cuz its so visible and people are always using it

my solution is getting a hammock outside in the garden!! and im sitting here rn its so comfy! i ordered one impulsively last nightbut i didnt realize they already had one until i asked just now lol so im gonna try to return/cancel the order.

but yea now i dont even have to walk 40mins (the 40 min part isnt bad its just the walk itself has no shade and is UGLY) just to get to starbucks

also another update i found a marketing agency nearby thats hiring a graphic designer so imma try reaching out to them soon too

yayy i feel happy and whole and energized again

[atsumiye]

Yeah let's have it lol. And it might be small to others but it's big to you so it still matters.

STOP HJSAFGHGDIQWUOHGUBHA i love you thank you!!! you are very sweet for saying that <333 i love complaining to people!! this is fun and i switched to my computer so i could type more and faster lmao long rant ahead

OKAY OKAY lets start with the fact that i couldnt fall asleep last night no matter how exhausted i was. ill blame it on pre school jitters but it was annoying bc i am not a morning person. right so i have to go to this place thats like 30 min away from me by bus for my ONE class so i had to wake up extra early too so ofc!! i was tired!!! and i knew it would happen so i planned everything and set it all up so it would move a bit faster in the morning (SOB i am someone who takes 15 minutes to like put on socks in the morning if im tired) also!! i just got back to my apartment like a few days ago so everything is still in suitcase (im lazy) so i knew i would need something or whatever and so i planned for it. ANYWAY everything was going okay UNTIL i put on my outfit i was so excited for. okay listen i bought this sweater right before covid happened and its so cute and never got to wear t so ive been pumped and i purposely laid it out flat so it wouldnt wrinkle and then this morning IT WAS SO WRINKLY and then i put on these pants that i love that literally fit last week and they were like falling down and i couldnt do anything about it bc i didnt want to be late and my hair was straightening properly so i looked dumb I WILL ADMIT THOUGH my makeup and jewelry looked poppin. get to the bus only to find out that this deal the used to have of like 3 months of free bus rides for quite cheap NO LONGER EXISTS so now my budget for the month is all out of wack too. now, my friend told me to wait for her only for her to SHOW UP LATE and then get MAD AT ME when i told her i would go by myself to class. SCREAMS and we arent even done. its still only 8:50 am at this point. we get to class and i realize I DONT THINK I UNPLUGGED MY STRAIGHTENER i live alone so this??? is an issue. so im concerned the whole class and then my teacher tells me i have 3 weeks to make a 20 page thesis <333 and wouldnt give us good examples of what kind of topics to pick <333 now class ends early so thats a plus and me and my friend decide to go eat lunch later which is something to look forward to but i get to the bus station and start waiting with some friends but there is a ton of traffic due to construction so we waited for 30 minutes, in the cold, for a bus that NEVER SHOWED UP. so my friends decide we should walk home. and im so panicked thinking about how i might have almost started the biggest fire in world history i agree. AND on the way once we start walking this guy i used to LIKE a lot literally ignored me this morning so i made sure to say hi to him when i walked past him and he was so dry :l and im over my little crush on him but??? you cant IGNORE ME??? anyway back to the walking home. BABE ITS AN HOUR AND 15 MINUTE WALK AND I START SWEATING. and my white shoes got really dirty. then i say goodbye to my friends and he tries to hug me but i realize i have like a mini lake underneath my sweater so i dodge him and look like an idiot <333 then i embarrass myself over text to my hopefully soon-to-be boyfriend. but i get home and my straightener was unplugged so all was good but then i wait until 3 pm for my friend to answer my texts about lunch only for her to go eat lunch with her parents :D without telling me :D and ive been starving for hours :D then!!! this lady who was supposed to help me clean my kitchen CANCELLED AGAIN. so i took a nap and woke up late and now i wont be able to sleep. as i said this may seem so insignificant but it kept piling on and these are only the things i can remember <333 there was definitely so much more <33

and honestly this is truly how my days go like one time i went to go get coffee and came home to the police bc the mafia set a car on fire near me <33 this is how my life runs <33 me and my near death experiences <33 ANYWAY this part was kinda unrelated but i felt like it needed to be added. so if you made it to the end of this without wanting to claw your eyes out thanks <333 and if you want any more story times pls let me know i will literally talk about them any day any time akgduewd

[cherrytdatt]

talk to me

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Word count: ~1.6k

Request: Hiii can u write one with Tom. He’s been talking to the reader really flirty and invite her to the pub with the boys. He went to get drinks, the reader goes 5 mins later because he didn’t come back and sees him with a girl. Angst but fluff at the end plz Sorry for my bad English I’m from Argentina!

A/N: i loved your request! i changed it just a little bit, but it was the way my brain decided to work, sorry... 🥺 also i’m really bad at flirting so...i hope you like it.

Playlist: Linger - The Cranberries, Stop Crying Your Heart Out - Oasis,  Every Breath You Take - The Pollice

"Y/N!!!" Harrison screamed your name as soon as you walked into the pub. You shook your head, feeling your cheeks burn cause everyone looked at you. You waved at him and the others in his table and went to the bar to order a beer.

"Hey, guys," you said, seating on the free spot by Tom's side, and they all smiled and greeted you. "What are you guys talking about?"

"These idiots are arguing about something I don't care, so I was just drinking, waiting for you to have someone to talk to," Tom said, pointing to the other boys.

"Well, your agony it's over. I'm here now," you smiled. "Did you order any food?"

"Pizza for me. Burguer for you," he said.

"Did you order me food?" you asked, and he nodded. "How cute, thanks."

"So, how was your week?" he asked, stretching his arm behind your back.

"Awful. I had three exams, two papers, and I got into a fight with a co-worker," you told him. "I'm pretty sure this..." you motioned between you two. "Is the best thing that happened all week," you said.

"I'm happy I'm on the good side of your week," he smiled.

"What about you? What you've been doing?"

"Not much...just enjoying my days off while I can," he shrugged. "Hey... do you wanna hang out tomorrow? I'm running out of things to do," he asked with a smile.

"Sure, what do you wanna do?"

"Pizza and movies?" he offered, knowing you would never say no to that.

"No violent movies. No drama. No terror. And no Marvel movies," you said, laughing at his pout when you said 'no Marvel movies'. "I'll accept comedy or rom-com. Or anything with Saoirse," you listed.

"You're making this too hard," he said, still pouting.

"You can cancel," you quipped.

"Nah...it's a date," he winked at you.

You and Tom had been flirting for months now. In the beginning, soon after Harrison introduced you two, you thought that something could happen. After one month exchanging glances and hugs that lasted longer than they needed, you kind of gave up, thinking that must've been Tom's charm. But sometimes, like now, you couldn't avoid the thought and the feeling that his words could mean something more.

"Hey, I'm heading to the bar. Do you want something?" he asked.

"Another beer, please," you said, swinging your empty bottle. You got up, so he could go to the bar. 

"So... you two?" Harrison asked once Tom was far enough not to hear you.

"What?" you asked, confused.

"When are you two gonna stop being idiots and hook up?"

"I don't know what are you talking about. We're just friends," you lied.

"Sure, and he didn't invite you to spend the day with him tomorrow, knowing that I'm gonna be out with friends, Tuwaine will go see his family, and Harry has a gig in town?" Harrison said, with a malicious smile in his face. "It will be just you two," he added like you didn't have enough information.

"I hang out with you all the time," you argued.

"Yeah...but I never called it a date," he said.

"You're being idiot, and I'm going to the bathroom cause I don't wanna talk about this anymore," you said, leaving the table.

You didn't wanna think about what Harrison said. Sure he wasn't totally wrong, but thinking about Tom like more than friends was stupid, because he was Tom. Cute, charming, kind, good-looking, and insanely hot Tom, and you were you. Cute but awkward, and lazy you. So, it was useless to keep nurturing this idea of you two possibly being together.

And what you saw next just confirmed that. Tom Holland, using all his charm and beauty, on a model-like girl. "Fuck," you mumbled to yourself, feeling your chest tightening, and your mouth getting dryer. He brushed her arm, letting his hand on her elbow after. Suddenly you couldn't hear anything besides your heart beating, and a buzz, that you didn't know where was coming from. "Fuckfuckfuck," you repeated, going back to the table.

"Hey, are you okay?" Harrison's voice was pure noise.

"I have to go," you said, passing by him.

"What happened?" he went after you.

"I just need to go," you said, still walking.

"Y/N! Talk to me!" he grabbed your arm, stopping you. Your eyes glanced at the bar, where the scene kept happening. Harrison followed your eyes, seeing his best friend flirting with a girl in the bar. "I'm sorry, Y/N," he said, hugging you.

"I don't know why I'm acting like this," you let out a humorless chuckle.

"It's okay," he said, stroking your hair. "Let me take you home, okay?" he asked.

"No, I don't wanna ruin your night. I just..." you were feeling your entire body hurt, and you didn't even understand why.

"You're not ruining my night. I'm tired anyway. Let's go home and watch a movie, okay?" he offered with a smile.

"Harrison..." you started.

"I won't accept no as an answer," he said. "Just wait for me outside," he ran his hands up and down your arms, and you nodded.

You walked out of the pub, not looking back. To be honest, you didn't know why you were feeling so bad. You and Tom never had anything, and you told yourself countless times that nothing was going on between you two. Why you were feeling like you had your heart broken, then?

"Hey, guys. I'm leaving," Harrison announced to the boys.

"Where are you going? Where's Y/N?" Tom asked, going back to the table. All the other boys were confused too.

“Is she okay?” Sam asked.

“She was looking sick when she went out,” Harry said.

"She's not feeling good so, I'm gonna take her home," Harrison explained.

"What? Why?" Tom was confused, he talked to you five minutes ago. You were perfectly fine.

"I don't know, mate. She's just leaving," he answered.

"Let me take her home," he said, putting the two bottles he was holding in the table.

"I don't know if it'll be a good idea," Harrison scratched his neck.

"Why not?" Tom asked.

"Look, mate. I can't tell you, okay? It's just...her things. You should talk to her later. Now, I have to go. She's waiting" he said, pointing to the window of the pub.

"Later..." Tom muttered, pushing his friend lightly, and going outside. Harrison watched his friend leave the pub, a frown in his face. He didn't want to put you through more distress, but he knew that talk to Tom, was something you should've done a long time ago.

"You really don't need..." you stopped, seeing that wasn't Harrison going out of the bar.

"What happened?" Tom asked.

"N-nothing..." you lied, felling your chest heavy.

"Why are you leaving? You just asked me to get you a beer," he said, confused.

"I don't know. I'm just not feeling it anymore," you shrugged.

"I don't believe you. We were fine five minutes ago," Tom was confused.

"I really don't wanna talk about it now. Can we talk tomorrow?" you asked, rubbing your eyes and your cheeks.

"Fine," he nodded. "Then, let's go," Tom said, starting to walk.

"Wha...what about Harrison? He was walking me home," you put your hands in your pockets.

"I told him I would take you home," he said, waving for you to follow him.

"I rather have Harrison taking me home," you stated.

"Yeah, well, too bad. If you don't tell me what happened, you'll have to settle for me," he shrugged.

"This is so stupid," you stared at him, weighing your choices.

"So...which one is gonna be?" he asked, and you looked from one side to another, not knowing what to do.

"Why do you do this?" you said with a hurt voice.

"Do what?" he asked.

"Why do you do these nice things, and flirt with me, and when I think that maybe there's something between us, you go and flirt with some random girl?" you blurted out.

"What are you talking about?" he chuckled, making you angrier.

"I'm talking about the girl you were flirting two minutes ago in the bar," you pointed to the pub.

"I...are you jealous?" he asked, a cocky grin appearing on his face.

"I-I'm not...jealous. I'm just...I'm confused. That's all," you stuttered.

"Sure," he said, skeptical.

"Well, now I'm really going home alone," you said, passing by him.

"No! First, you are gonna tell me why you are jealous of a friend that I don't see in months, that was telling me how she got engaged two months ago," he said, with a smile, raising one eyebrow, and you froze.

"I'm not...I'm not jealous," you said, and he laughed. "I'm leaving," you said, starting to walk, annoyed and embarrassed.

"I like you too," he said, and you stopped. "I was afraid I was getting the signs wrong since you are nice with everyone, so I was waiting for a confirmation, and you just gave me," he said, and you turned to look at him. A smile threatening to rise on your face. "I like you too," he repeated.

You waited a few seconds, absorbing what he said. "I'm not nice to everyone," you replied.

"I tell you that I like you, and that's the part you decide to comment on?" he laughed. "You are unbelievable," he shook his head.

"Do you still wanna take me home?" you asked, a half smile on your face.

"Sure," he walked to you. "But first, I'm doing this," he said, holding your face with one hand and pulling you closer, ending the distance between your lips.

[deathvsthemaiden]

Prince Harry, Prince William, Waver Velvet, Diluc Ragnvindr, Jeremy Fragrence, and Childe (Ajax)....uwa I spelled Diluc's name right on the first go!

THE DISGUST THE VISCERAL DISGUST I AM FEELING AT EXACTLY HALF OF THESE.... ur too good and dependable I LOVE u *sniffles* 😔🤕

Harry:

Yikes full stop. Yikes. || I Don’t See The Appeal || Not My Type || He’s Alright || I See The Appeal But I’m Different™ || Cute But On Alternating Wednesdays || He Has A Kind Face And That’s Good Enough || Pretty || Gorgeous || I— I Love? || I Do Not Deserve How Could You Do This? Hmm? Et tu, Brutus? 😐

Ok listen being royalty esp modern royalty immediately cancels out any beauty god gave you in my eyes. All the poetry I wax about how there is something to appreciate in every face and body is null and void here. If we take the Some Guy approach and look at him objectively (impossible but I’ll humor you in the name of love and not being a spoilsport).... nothing I feel nothing. Maybe a whisper of contempt and a little voice in my head going “we should avoid him he’s not going to add to our life.” But that’s. IT.

William:

Yikes, I Don’t See The Appeal || Not My Type || He’s Alright || I See The Appeal But I’m Different™ || Cute But On Alternating Wednesdays || He Has A Kind Face And That’s Good Enough || Pretty || Gorgeous || I— I Love? We Don’t Deserve Him. II I’m Far Too Sane And Pretty For This?

*by this point I am shaking and crying from psychic damage* see above 👆🏽😐

Waver Velvet:

Yikes, I Don’t See The Appeal || Not My Type || He’s Alright || I See The Appeal But. I’m Different™ || Cute But On Alternating Wednesdays || He Has A Kind Face And That’s Good Enough || Pretty (I Suppose) Like If He Floats Your Boat Epic But I Might Not Attend The Wedding || Gorgeous || I— I Love? We Don’t Deserve Him.

his younger self awakens big sister instincts in me meaning he would be SO fun to tease and annoy + root for + naively hope he grows into a fine young man. At that young age he is not yet broken so there is no fixing to be done, but I certainly could help set him straight! Like a bonsai 💚 he’s more sinless and (unintentionally) funny and full of promise than his other selves.

His adult self however awakens the misandrist in me. I wanna come up to him unprovoked and tell him to smile or else bc that’s the only time he’s handsome imo.... also when he has vulnerable moments like being sad the shoes he bought with his first ever paycheck got ruined 🥺 or when he gets all triumphant and carefree ever so once in a while, like in the first ep of Case Files... what I mean is sometimes his prickly hard cranky veneer cracks and I catch a dazzling shimmer of handsome but... not often enough for my liking 😑 for my favored pixelated men I get a genuine kick out of their being disgruntled (sign of true love) but his grumbling just makes me want to file for divorce and we’re not even married 😐 like can you imagine road tripping with this man? I can’t I couldn’t I will not! And omg I don’t think you could make him say stuff like I love you without feeling like you’re pulling teeth... I don’t have the patience to reach that point with him. We’d be so bad for each other and not even in the fun way... his sharp way of dress and penchant for red and long hair and passion for certain subjects are just not enough to salvage him for me, if I want to be subjected to a short tempered man all day I have a father 😩 also he has the kind of sense of responsibility that would doom you if you married him I feel. Like admirable but also what the fuck dude. Taking on all of Kayneth’s debt w/o batting an eye? Mr Velvet what about your hypothetical wife and children.... like I can’t imagine him stopping to think about them in such a scenario... he’d have to marry someone like Melvin (or Melvin himself) who would get a kick out of that brash decision and support him and I’m the wrong dame! He feels like if he had a family and he grew into old age, he would end up one of those foreboding slightly frigid patriarchs w/ short fuses who have hearts of gold but you have to dig so long and hard that by the time you have reached it you’re youth has passed you by and your fingers are worn to the bone and you’re tired... so tired..... you should’ve listened to your mother and married that nice doctor within your ethnic group instead... he’s been a widower for a few years now, hasn’t he? Has a summer home in Vienna and a very nice curly beard? Last time you stalked his FB anyway....

Also his little friend Melvin is hilarious but I could never allow him into my home on the reg. I refuse. Reines is on thin ice and reminds me too much of my sister in some ways... Literally the only person he is oft surrounded by that I would not only be chill with but delighted to have over is Flatt Escardos. Love that wild little man, he’s a brilliant riot. But also a bit of a danger to himself and others I think? Idk I barely read FSF bc the niqabi character design pissed me off to hell and back and then some 😔💔

Diluc Ragnvindr:

Yikes, I Don’t See The Appeal || Not My Type || He’s Alright || I See The Appeal But I’m Different™ || Cute But On Alternating Wednesdays || He Has A Kind Face And That’s Good Enough || Pretty || Gorgeous || I— I Love? We Don’t Deserve Him. II You Absolutely Deserve Him, Bestie 🥺🤲🏽 (heartfelt + sincere)

Oh he’s pretty enough.... like def not an ugly man! But as you yourself often correctly say he’s just Some Guy! When you tell me why you love him I absolutely understand how he captivated you 🥺 but I personally am too wild of heart to be ensnared by so sober (ahaha get it? Bc he owns a tave— whatever nvm v_v)/ and stable a man.

Jeremy Fragrance:

Yikes, I Don’t See The Appeal || Not My Type || He’s Alright || I Could See The Objective Appeal If He Never Opened His Mouth But I’m Too Smart To Be Taken In By Some Conventionally Pretty Features And Some Muscle™ || Cute But On Alternating Wednesdays || He Has A Kind Face And That’s Good Enough || Pretty || Gorgeous || I— I Love? We Don’t Deserve Him.

I scroll past his vids fairly fast the same way I often scroll past spider pics that make it on to my dash despite my best efforts.... when I decide to watch his videos I regret it so much and can barely finish. The way he talks and acts and the things he Just Says sans hesitation make me so uncomfy... so performative and out of touch in the unfun way and aggressive... why isn’t he an actor why couldn’t he be named Jeremy Drama... then I could lie to myself and go it’s okayyy Hiba it isn’t real I’m sure he’s sane behind closed doors 😖 anyway I couldn’t willingly stay in the same room with him for 5 min I COULDNT! I’m v confident our priorities and moral compasses are polar opposites and have you heard the way he talks about women? 🤨 I would honestly. Prefer Patrick Bateman. Not even kidding bc at least that man isn’t real and has successfully made me laugh and gets Big Mad over the dumbest stuff so I can mock him before he kills me. Also I think I could outsmart Bateman but... what does one do with JF other than... keep ur distance. Like I’d never trust either BUT. Yeah.

Childe (Ajax):

Yikes, I Don’t See The Appeal || Not My Type || He’s Alright || I See The Appeal But I’m Different™ || Cute But On Alternating Wednesdays || He Has A Kind Face And That’s Good Enough || Pretty || Gorgeous || I— I Love? We Don’t Deserve Him.

HES ERRATIC.... IM ERRATIC.... CAN I MAKE IT ANY MORE OBVIOUSSSS<3 no but rlly I love a lively straightforward man and he’s got red in his character design + is often pictured with whales? And his galactic themed suit of armor is nice 😳 he’d be fun to hang out with and divorce on grounds so outrageous and absurd we both find it hilarious ✅ like I don’t think I’ll ever love love him esp since all my knowledge of him is second hand but he sounds like a blast 💥

[bangtan-sonyeonddaeng]

Part 5

Summary: Soulmates have different ways of being connected to one another. Sometimes it’s through being able to write on their arms and having it show up on their soulmates. For others it was having their first words spoken to one another permanently tattooed into their skin. You had a unique connection with yours, one that you really hadn’t ever heard of happening before. Whatever song was stuck in your soulmate’s head was also stuck in yours and the same was for them. When Yoongi realizes one of his songs is playing on repeat in your head, he immediately takes to writing songs to communicate with you in hopes it will finally bring you two together.

Genre: Fluff. Just pure tooth rotting, sweet fluff.

Whew this was a long one. 4.5k words

Part 1     Part 2      Part 3     Part 4     Part 6

As you stepped off the plane you couldn’t believe it. You were finally in Seoul, the same city as your soul mate. That alone felt indescribable. It was a happiness you had never known. The past day was hectic. Trying to book last minute plane tickets and a hotel room. You didn’t even know how long you were going to be staying here depending on how well things went with Yoongi. You booked your hotel for a week just to be safe, knowing you could cancel if you absolutely had to. You considered coming alone, but your friend was very insistent that they go with you. You were traveling to a foreign country to meet your soulmate. Your friend wouldn’t miss this for the world, but also wanted to be there as a support and help in any way they could.

You arrived to the hotel and unpacked your belongings and immediately flopped down onto the bed.

“Jet lag sucks.”

“Indeed it does. I feel like I could sleep for the next 10 years.” Within moments your friend was snoring and clutching the pillow tightly. You giggled quietly to yourself and pulled your phone out to see if Yoongi had posted anything else. There were no new songs, but there was a new post from him. It was a selfie of him and oh gosh he looked so adorable it made your heart flutter. The caption underneath the photo just said “I can’t wait to see you.”

A bunch of army had commented underneath that they couldn’t wait to see him too. Their tour was starting in a little over a month. You knew what the real meaning was behind the photo. And you quickly typed a reply.

“I can’t wait to see you too. It’s such a short time away.”

You set your phone down and were about to try and sleep for a little bit when a notification went off. ‘I’m not Min Yoongi’ had sent you another reply.

Isn’t it late where you are at now? What are you still doing awake?

You glance at the clock and see that it is only 8:00 pm. You have a long way to go until morning.

Actually I am in Seoul right now. So it’s only 8:00 in the evening. Besides, how do you know where I live? You stalking me?

Ah no! no! You just um… always seemed to reply early in the morning here. So I figured it was late wherever you were.

Yoongi face palms. Smooth save, Min.

Ah okay. Makes sense I guess.

So what are you doing in Seoul?

Hopefully meeting my soulmate.

Oh! That’s exciting! I hope everything goes well for you two.

Me too. I hope everything goes the way I am thinking it will but.. we’ll see.

Well if you were traveling all day aren’t you tired? Shouldn’t you be in bed?

Yes I should be but I can’t sleep. I’m too anxious.

I’m sure your soulmate feels the same. But they would want you to get your rest and take care of yourself.

You’re right. I’ll try my best.

What usually helps you sleep?

Um.. well this might sound silly but I fall asleep easily to Yoongi’s songs and videos of him just talking? His voice is so soothing.

Huh.. I see. You like his voice then?

Yes. Very much. It almost feels like.. coming home after a long trip. Just that comfort of knowing you are home.

Yoongi blushes at this and the sweet compliments.

Maybe he’ll surprise you and do a vlive or something.

Hah, I can only wish.

After that you don’t get a reply. You do however, get a notification on your phone that Yoongi is doing a Vlive. You laugh to yourself as you realize that there is no way that account wasn’t him at this point. You pull out your phone.

You know for someone who isn’t Min Yoongi you sure called that one right.

It’s just a voice live, you hear his phone go off and then hear him quietly chuckling into the mic. You don’t receive a reply but don’t anticipate you will at this point. Yoongi says something in Korean to start that you don’t quite catch what he says, but then he repeats himself in English.

“I heard from some of you that you like my voice and it’s calming to you. Since it’s nearing the end of the night I figured this would be a good way for you all to relax and unwind after a long day.” You smile to yourself and put your headphones in, quickly drifting off to sleep. You wake up a few hours later. When you glance at the clock you see it’s after midnight. You groan and sit up, looking over to the other bed to see your friend completely passed out still. You’ve always envied how deeply they seem to sleep.

As you sit there, the anxiety begins to come back. How nervous you are is finally starting to settle in. What if he doesn’t like you? What if you don’t get along? What if he was hoping his soulmate was someone famous? Are you good enough for him? Your leg starts shaking back and forth before you can’t sit still any longer. You crawl out of bed and slip your shoes on, quietly heading out the door as you don’t want to wake up your friend. You walk outside into the fresh air and find that it is helping you calm down to be able to just walk.

You don’t know where you are heading, but you have your phone with you and can easily find your way back to the hotel with the GPS. You put your headphones back in and just walk. You are listening to the playlist you had made of the few songs Yoongi had wrote for you and continue wandering and humming along. After you listen to all of the songs at least once you come across a bench with a man sitting on it. You don’t pay him any attention and walk on by, lost in your own world. You don’t make it very far before you feel a gentle tug on the bottom of your shirt. You turn around and see the man looking up at you. His bottom half of his face is covered and he’s wearing a beanie and heavy coat. Clearly he doesn’t want to be seen. You panic for a second thinking maybe he was going to mug you before he says something to you.

“What?”

“Ah, foreigner?” You nod.

“I said it’s dangerous to be outside alone this late.” He repeats in English. Your heart nearly drops to your stomach. You know that voice. You’d recognize it anywhere.

“Yoongi?” His eyes widen at that and now he seems to be the one panicked.

“Shit.. Are you a fan? Please don’t tell anyone you saw me and don’t freak out and scream. I go out late to avoid people for a reason-”

“Yoongi stop. It’s me!”

“Am I supposed to know you? Please don’t tell you’re a sasaeng. Wow this is just my luck.”

“It’s y/n!” Yoongi freezes and drops his hand to his side and he looks a little angry if the way he furrows his brows at you is any indication.

“Funny joke. Haha okay what do you want? An autograph?”

“No I’m serious Yoongi it’s me! We’ve been talking on Twitter back and forth! Ah wait no I’m sorry that wasn’t Min Yoongi I forgot.” You say with a smirk on your face.

“I… There’s no way. Let me see your phone.” You pull it out and unlock it, then hand it over to him. He opens up your Twitter and goes to your notifications and sure enough, there’s your conversations. “Oh my god.. Y/n it’s really you.” He hands your phone back and just stares at you in shock.

“Um.. So… what-“

“No, no! Absolutely not! I did not spend all night writing that song about us meeting for the first time for you to just bump into me on the street. I refuse.”

“Yoongi! You can’t fight fate-“

“Like hell I can’t. Watch me.” He stands up and grabs you, turning your shoulders around to face away from him and gives you a gentle push. “Now you march your cute little butt back to your hotel and we can try this again tomorrow.”

“Yoongi, oh my god.” You burst out laughing and your shoulders begin to shake with you how much you are laughing. You can hear him chuckling behind you before his hands move down and wrap around your waist, pulling you into a back hug.

“You have no idea how happy I am to finally have you here. I have never felt so many emotions in my heart at once but they are all good and they are all because of you.” You let your hands move down and your fingers play with his where they are resting on your waist. “But I really want to do this right. So please. Let’s pretend this first encounter never happened. And I’ll see you tomorrow at the river.. okay?” You smile and nod your head.

“Okay, Yoongi. I’ll see you tomorrow then. Can we meet earlier in the afternoon though instead of the evening. I-“

“Ah! Nope! My song says a crisp autumn EVENING. Not day. You’re just going to have to be patient now go on then!” He lets go of you and you let out a giggle but continue walking down the sidewalk. You don’t miss the footsteps trailing behind you on the way.

“What are you doing? I thought you said you didn’t want to meet until tomorrow? Now you’re following me back to my hotel? Scandalous. We haven’t even had our first date and you’re already-”

“Yah! Shush. I just want to make sure you make it back safely. I wasn’t kidding when I said it’s not safe at night time. Pretend I’m not here.”

“Okay.” You smile the whole way back. When you reach the hotel lobby and turn around he’s already gone. Your cheeks hurt from smiling so much as you walk back to your hotel room. You open the door quietly and shuffle back in, kicking your shoes off and collapsing into bed. Your friend is awake now.

“Where did you go?”

“Just for a walk. I couldn’t sleep.”

“Ah, too anxious to meet him for the first time?” You laugh to yourself.

“Yeah, I was. But the walk really helped me. I think I am really ready to see him now.”

“Good! Now get some rest! We have a big day ahead. Well you do anyways. I’ll just be hanging around here anxiously waiting for you to get back and tell me every single detail of your first meeting.”

“Sure thing. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight y/n. I’m sure Yoongi is going to love you. You have nothing to worry about.” You roll over onto your side and before long you are about to drift off to sleep when a noise from your phone brings you out of your drowsy daze. You see it’s a notification for twitter. Yoongi, sent you a message.

By the way, you’re absolutely the most beautiful person I have ever seen.

You smile and your cheeks heat up, feeling a warmth in your chest as you finally drift off to sleep.

You don’t wake up until late afternoon. The jet lag, coupled with the anxiety you felt last night before meeting Yoongi and being up late had allowed you to sleep for a long time. You probably would have still been asleep if your friend wouldn’t have woken you up to go eat lunch. You don’t tell them that you already met Yoongi, having promised to pretend like it never happened and you intended to keep your word. You spend the day exploring the city, even going to the Line Friends store and picking up a few items to spoil yourself a little bit. You walk around and eat until it’s now starting to get dark outside.

“We should probably head over to the park now. I’ll ride in the taxi with you there but then after I drop you off I’ll head back to the hotel.”

“Wait why don’t you just wait for me? What if something goes wrong and-“ Your friend flicks your forehead.

“Y/n don’t start that nonsense. You two are probably going to be out together all night. Just text me and check in. Let me know how everything is going, alright?” You nod and hug your friend tightly.

“Thank you for coming with me, and pushing me out of my comfort zone. And annoying Yoongi with your horrible songs. If it weren’t for you I probably wouldn’t have met him.”

“Hmmm, yes you would. Fate would have made sure of it, but I will take the praise anyway.” Just then a taxi pulls up and you both get in. But when you arrive at the park only you get out. You wave to your friend as the car pulls away. The butterflies in your stomach feel like they are going to fly out of your mouth at any moment. You walk along the riverside, admiring the views and listening to the sounds of the crickets. You notice up ahead all of the flowers and your pace quickens when you notice Yoongi standing in the middle of all of them. He spots you and immediately starts waving. But you ignore it and keep walking. He stops waving and tilts his head in confusion.

“Y/n!” He yells your name but you still continue walking along the path towards him. “Are you going to say hi to me or not?!”

“Huh? Sorry do I know you?”

“Are you serious right now?”

“We’ve never met before. How do you know my name?” You are trying so hard not to laugh when it finally clicks with Yoongi.

“Ah yes you’re right. My mistake. Are you here to meet with someone?”

“Yes. My soulmate told me to meet him among the cosmos.” You say with a smile. Yoongi is absolutely beaming as he reaches down and takes your hand in his.

“Well then that would be me. I’m Yoongi. But you must have already known that if you heard my songs for you.” He brings your hand up to his lips and gently kisses the back of it. The shock it sends through you almost brings you to your knees.

“I’m y/n. It’s nice to meet you soul mate.” Yoongi’s gummy smile widens further before he pulls you tightly into his arms. His hug is bone crushing, making it slightly hard for you to breathe but there is no way you would ask him to let go. Your arms are around his neck pulling him impossibly closer to you. He nuzzles his face into your shoulder and you feel your sweater dampen. You pull away in shock.

“Yoongi why are you crying?”

“Why are YOU crying?”

“I am not!” But you know you are. You can feel the tears streaming down your face and your voice cracks when you talk. “Okay I definitely am.” You both laugh and reach up to wipe each other’s tears away. You spend a few moments with your hands gently ghosting over each other’s faces, wanting to commit the way it feels to memory and make sure that the other was actually there.

“I can’t believe you’re actually here. I never thought we would ever find each other. When I learned that our connections were through the songs we had stuck in our heads, I just lost all hope of ever finding my soulmate.”

“To be honest for a while there I did too. It wasn’t until I first heard your music that I knew. I just felt it immediately that you were my soul mate.”

“I felt that too. When I read your comments on my songs it was like every cell in my body was calling out to you. I just… God I still can’t believe it.” He grabs you and pulls you into another hug. You both stand there for a while, just enjoying the feeling of each other’s warmth. Yoongi is the first to pull away but he doesn’t let go of your hand as he leads you on a short walk over to one of the benches overlooking the river. You sit next to each other in a comfortable silence.

“I’m not dreaming am I?” He wonders out loud. You reach over and pinch his side and he jumps away from you with a startled yell. “What was that?!”

“Proving to you that you aren’t dreaming.” He begins to laugh at that and the sound still makes your heart race. “But I know what you mean. It still doesn’t feel real.” Yoongi sits back down on the bench and laces your fingers together again, resting his head on your shoulder.

“Okay I gotta know. What kind of music do you really listen to?” You let out a snort at this.

“All different genres. Definitely not most of the ones that were stuck in your head though.”

“And that was your friend’s idea?”

“Yes. They thought it would be funny to mess with you a little bit. At least show that I have a sense of humor so you at least had some idea of what kind of person I was.”

“Honestly I just thought you were a person with shitty taste in music.” You both laugh playfully at that.

“How did you get the idea? For the songs I mean?”

“Ah, Namjoon gave me the idea to talk to you through song writing. For the past.. hmm month or so? The guys have really been helping me try and think of ways to find my soulmate. I think they were tired of seeing me mope all the time. They all had found theirs so easily I was just.. stuck.” Your heart clenches, knowing that feeling all too well. You squeeze his hand as a comforting gesture.

“I know what you mean.” Yoongi returns your squeeze.

“But hey everything worked out okay in the end right? We’re finally here with each other. I want to know you better. I want to know everything. What you’re passionate about, what things you like and dislike. Where you’re from, about your family, what your childhood was like. What-“

“Whoa there. We have all night Yoongi there is no rush.”

“We um.. have more than a night though right? Like… I know we’re soulmates fated to be together and all that but you still have a choice. Do you want to keep seeing me?” Yoongi seems insecure and unsure of himself now as he plays with the rings on your fingers and refuses to meet your gaze.

“Of course I want to continue seeing you! Why would you think even for a moment I wouldn’t?” He sighs and tries to untangle his hands from yours but you just hold on tighter.

“Being in a relationship with an idol isn’t easy y/n… I don’t think you fully understand what all of this is going to entail. You’re never going to have a moment of privacy. Even when we go out together on dates someone is almost always going to figure out who I am.”

“Well no one has so far tonight right? I think you just need to wear a mask and hide who you are then it won’t be so bad. Especially if we go out at night or go to more secluded places. I know dating an idol isn’t going to be easy but I don’t care about that. I just want to be with you. I’ll take all the good and bad that comes with it.” Yoongi stops trying to hold himself back any longer. He moves his hand behind your head and tugs you in closer to him so he can finally connect his lips to yours.

The kiss is sweet, gentle but loving. It’s like he’s pouring the years of emotions he’s felt towards you into the kiss. There isn’t any sparks or crazy fireworks. Everything just goes quiet, and suddenly it’s like you two are the only ones in the world right now. Yoongi pulls away after a few short moments. Even for just a short kiss you both are a bit breathless.

“Wow. I didn’t know kissing your soulmate would feel like that.” He says in between breatths.

“Me either. That was… perfect.” Yoongi smirks.

“Perfect? Wow am I that good of a kisser?” You playfully smack his arm and he laughs. You two spend quite a while talking on that bench. Asking questions and getting to know each other better. The moon is hanging high in the sky and all the stars are shining on the two of you. The wind starts to pick up and you shiver. “Ah are you cold, sweetheart?” He takes his jacket off and drapes it around you, although you did feel your face heat up at the petname. You hope Yoongi doesn’t notice your blush and will just assume it’s because you’re cold. “We can go now if you want to.” You shake your head back and forth quickly.

“No! I mean.. I don’t want to leave you yet.” His expression softens at your confession.

“Well.. We can go back to my place? If you’re comfortable with that?” You wiggle your eyebrows suggestively at him and he moves away from you.  “Not like that!”

“I’m kidding, Yoongi! I’d love to go back with you. Even if we don’t talk at all. Even if we just sleep it doesn’t matter. I just want to be around you.”

“I’m glad you feel that way because I was thinking the same thing.” He stands off the bench and takes your hand to lead you over to the car that was waiting to take the two of you back to his house. You send your friend a quick update text, to let her know everything was okay and going well. They send you back a bunch of heart emojis and you slip the phone back in your pocket. On the way up to his door it doesn’t sneak past your notice that he hasn’t let go of your hand the entire time you two have been together.

“Do you like holding hands?” He blushes and looks away, busying himself with entering the code into the door so it unlocks.

“Um.. Yeah I do. Does it bother you?”

“Not at all. I love it actually.”

“Do you want any tea or anything to drink to help warm you up?”

“Mmm, no. I just need you.” With how much Yoongi has been smiling he’s beginning to wonder if his muscles are just going to be permanently stuck.

“Do you want to go lay down? Maybe watch a movie?”

“That sounds perfect.”

You are both laying down now, in his bed. You are actually laying with Yoongi, your soulmate. Your head resting on his chest while he was a tight grip around your waist. You are starting to fall asleep when you feel his grip suddenly tighten around you. You lift your head up to look at him.

“Everything okay?”

“Hmm? Oh yeah. Sorry did I squeeze you too hard?”

“No I just thought maybe something was wrong and you wanted my attention.” Yoongi shakes his head, but bites his lip as if he is thinking deeply about something.

“It’s not that I was upset or anything.. I just wanted to make sure that you were actually here. And that I’m not hallucinating, or just imagining all this. It still doesn’t feel real. I thought I had met my soulmate before. I was so sure but it turned out it was just someone using me for my fame.. And I was so desperate to just have that connection with someone that I ignored all the warning signs. And I know you aren’t like that. I know for 100% certain you’re my soulmate but…“

“But that nagging voice in the back of your head just keeps questioning things?” He nods in confirmation. You sit up and adjust yourself so you’re facing him. You take his face in your hands and make sure he is looking at you and can see the sincerity in your eyes. “I completely understand why you are worried. Believe me. But I would never do anything to hurt you. I would never use you like that. I promise that I am here, that I am real.” You grab his hand and place it on your heart. He closes his eyes and lets himself just feel. Your warmth, the gentle thrumming of your heart beat, the sounds of your breaths. It helps ground him.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. If you ever have doubts or are worried about anything you can always come to me. I want to be there for you.” Yoongi smiles that gummy smile that is going to quickly make you fall head over heels in love with him in no time if he keeps directing it at you.

“Thank you y/n.” He pecks your lips and then pats his chest for you to lay back down. Pretty soon your breaths even out and you’ve fallen asleep. Yoongi holds you just a little bit closer, and places a kiss to the top of your head. “I already like you so much and it kind of scares me. But I am going to give you my whole heart, angel. I hope you’ll keep it safe.”

“Don’t worry I will.” Yoongi jumps.

“I thought you were asleep!”

“I was but I am not that heavy of a sleeper remember? I woke up when I heard you talking.” Yoongi blushes but snuggles closer to you.

“Do you want to meet the other members tomorrow?”

“I’d love to! Can I bring my friend too?”

“Of course. You all are going to be a part of the family now we might as well all meet one another.” You smile at that and nuzzle into his chest. You both fall asleep quicker than you ever have before, finally feeling the comfort and safety of being in each other’s arms.

Tag list: @anoesjkaax​​​  @just-call-me-trash-can​ @thestral-balerion​ @xcastielbabyangelface​ @rukinamukami​ @r-e-d-i-s-h​ @heartblackerthancoffee​ @rosita7703​   @jacjacwashere​   @purpletigertaetae​  @woodstockisjustlikealittlekid​  @supernatural-bangtanboys​ @loveyoongles​ @barbikatherine​ @atulipandarose​ @bookluver01​ @cioccocalderoni​ @lyoongx​

@its-yagirl-raelynn it’s not letting me tag you :c 

[editorialsonlife]

Well

Welp, feeling like doing an update because there's been a lot going on to be honest. its one of those weird dichotomies where every day feels like an eternity and there's so much going on and then you look back and you're like oh, ok its just my brain making it difficult and making things take forever but anyway.

LOCKDOOOOOOOWWWWWWNNNNNNN

Lockdown life was good, apart from being thrust into it so suddenly dave left a banana on his desk. Wasn't great to come back to after 5 weeks out of the office - mummified mouldy banana!! Classic. We luckily got our first jab before lockdown started so that was good, and we were reasonably well stocked up on food and were generally a lot healthier this lockdown that last. honestly, there's a level of chill and serenity in lockdown that i just love. the ability to set my own schedule and only work the hours I actually work to get the job done? Amazing. getting 8.5 hours of sleep each night without having to wake to an alarm blaring? AMAZING. getting to go for walks every afternoon? SO FLIPPING GOOD. I love it so much, I really really do. I need this to be my life permanently.

WORK

Work is just ongoing and draining and honestly, coming back to the office was so fucking stressful and it was only one day. Being at home is just the fucking bomb. Pending home decisions, I wanna go contracting I think, but also ideally two part time contracts to have more flexibility? I dunno. You'd think a big 4 would provide variety but it really doesn't and honestly, with Richie leaving, wellington is just a sinking ship. Sean's off on parental leave, Kirstyn is down to four days a week, ben will be gone if he doesn't get promoted (and I don't think he will be tbh). Jack is just muddling along, Nigel wants to swap to consulting as well, Matt's going to be a shit leader in terms of bringing in work so it's just not going to work. and in our wider group it's going to get even more messy with heaps of the analysts leaving and a couple of senior hires too. so I think it's probably time to jump ship in general, pending the home stuff below. Also, coming back after a break again, I'm like, I don't actually like a lot of you? All the people I enjoy here are in other teams and groups, and I'll be sad to leave you all, but like, not enough to stay anyway lol.

Pending the home below, two options are to just going and get a job with a $30k payrise to make up for the maternity leave benefits I'm gunna leave behind when I leave this role - 18 weeks full pay, $100 a week for the first year back and a full year of maternity leave. It's basically 30k post tax which is a bit nuts to walk away from to be honest.

Otherwise the other option is to go contracting. Less security overall but holy shit so much money. If I went in as a project coordinator at the lowest rate to build up a bit of a portfolio I'd need to work 40 weeks of 40 hr weeks and Id basically match my current salary plus the lost family leave benefits and still qualify for govt maternity leave payments. Realistically I could go in as a project manager for $140 an hour ($60 more an hour than the above math) and absolutely smash it at that level as well so ya know, there's a bunch of other info. I like the idea of the flexibility of it and only having 6 months even if its a shitshow and beign able to walk away at the end of it. I really don't want to get a govt job and this is a v govt town which is fine but also, if I can avoid it that would be great. I just know I'm not gunna thrive in that environment.

Need to talk to Dave to get him across the line on the security issue part of that though. I've mostly come a long way in terms of my financial management (thanks YNAB) so I think he'd be ok with it mostly.

So there's a lot to toss up there because......

HOME

We got the reno plans done during lockdown, finally. which was super good. but holy fkn jesus $$$$$$ ++++++++++. The guy is coming around for the final quote on Thursday. We indicatively said $100k total because we're doing kitchen laundry bathroom and toilet. so only the most expensive rooms and when I was talking to him last week he said 'that might cover it' and they're seeing cost escalations of 7-10% a week which is just insane. we're not doing anything structural apart from putting in a cavity slider in the bathroom, and the quote they'll give us won't include flooring since they won't do it.

Meanwhile, the prefab homes I were looking at for our site were $425k fully done. Like, I'm not going to spend $130K on doing up my 1940s ex state house ya know? That's not good cost benefit ratio.

So depending on what that comes out at on thursday we'll be able to make some plans.

We also want to start trying for kids next year and need these renos done first - I am not having kids and no dishwasher lol.

Also we need bank financing so good to be in a permanent stable job for that application. the good thing is we have so much equity we know we can borrow whatever we need, I just don't want to spend that much money on it because it's fkn ridiculous. and if I'm going on maternity leave we need to be able to cover it all on dave's salary and whatever benefits I have as well so there;s a lot of financial planning and spreadsheeting going on at the moment lol. it's fab.

either way. we've got plenty of options up our sleeve. we've got friends who's brother owns a building company so we can talk to them, we've got the garage so we can get things prefabricated even if they're not installed til next year, Dave can get shit at cost through his work for whiteware, there;s plenty of things to like cost control we can do, we just need to know where we're starting from basically. thats the challenging part. but we'll figure it out, its just taking longer than I want it to basically.

We also planted up the vege garden for the spring/summer which was lovely, super jazzed about that. we've finally got the garden to a reasonably low maintenance level where everything is mostly under control and it's such a relief, honestly.

PERSONAL

Man what a shift to lockdown last year honestly. I think the last 8 weeks in particular has just been like, a massive reality check of how absolutely shit the last year was and how fucking glad I am to be rid of it. I spent a week absolutely spiralling 2 weeks ago now and honestly, I don't know how I lived in the state for more than a year. I actually don't know how I did it. and I could not be more glad that I'm finally on the other side of it, for the most part. There's still a bunch of other stuff to work through (hahahahahaha when is there not like damn) but fucking hell its nice to just not be anxious and nauseous and wound up constantly. life is actually accessible. miracle.

My workmate had his bebe - I went round and got newborn cuddles and was like, oh, is this what it is to be clucky? this is odd. so there's that as well. I think we'll probably start trying next year pending renos and jobs etc. If the renos can be done in jan I'll prob just stick it at the job to get the benefits but I dunno. it's a tough call to make really. we shall see. This all assumes we get knocked up without any issues which is questionable these days. I really want to feel healthier before getting pregnant as well, and part of that is losing weight. however, given discussing that is what triggered the spiral we're working on that one slowly.

Also, lets have a moment for counselling, because fkn bless anne and all her hard work honestly. I actually ended up emailing her being like, I;m losing my shit on the monday and then talked to her on thursday. And its so funny because it's such a counselling thing but I didn't realise until afterwards what she'd done but she was like you're clearly not doing well and then the night before dave got a fkn miserable migraine and he was up for like, 2 hrs powerchucking except he didn't make it to the bathroom in time so guess who was cleaning up vomit at 130am trying not to chuck herself but I digress. anyway, not doing well, couldn't even explain why, didn't even have words and super tired and she's like, what lynaire up to this week how's she going with izzy and chat about that and then be like how are you feeling about your body and then 5 more mins of chat about the cat and the chickens and then like bam hard question and then hows it going with x and y and z and its like, it wasn't til I was on my walk afterwards when I FINALLY started feeling marginally better I was like damn woman work your magic for figuring it out for me and helping me reregulate. all over the phone as well since we were still in lockdown. GREAT WORK FRIEND.

and then last week was like totally fucked theoretical discussion about religion and the role it's played in my life and fate vs free will and all this nutty shit but genuinely just a great discussion. She's the best and I love her. thank good for good counsellors. thank god I can afford to pay for it honestly.

Dave and I are just chugging along, god bless that man. I love him. its amazing. I miss having friends close by but understand why they had to move (boooooo f u house prices). Family is pretty chill, still not really talking to dave's parents which is nightmarish but we'll deal with that when we need to. gunna have to go and visit them at some point coz dave misses them and I feel for him, I really do. It's the whole boundaries renegotiation I went through with my family last year post wedding blow up and its just not a fun place to be. oh well. can't fix it for him but also I'm not putting up with that level of BS from either of our families once we have children. not gunna happen.

Either way, life is busy and full and fun and I'm enjoying it. Daylight savings starts this weekend too, its october next week WTF and I'm just waiting for 4pm to find out what's gunna happen to our girls trip. Clearly we cancelled our sept trip to christchurch and akaroa and hanmer springs so my covid travel curse continues. fkn ridic. Still dunno what we're gunna do with $2500 of flight credits coz if we get knocked up theres def no international trips happening any time soon.

thus concludes the almost 2000 word write up of life. hope you've enjoyed it. I'll throw up some pics in a separate post if people care about reno plans. such a good time!