#i reread the books and BOY am i angsty about it

[wildwren]

hunted by the narrative

hares on the mountain, traditional folk song // art by jen mazza

sparrow for a heart, abigal lappell // art by barbara bokoto-tomala

newcastle, traditional folk song // artist unknown

if i was a painter, lisa o'neill // art by claudia barbu

ashamed, deer tick // art by nicolas samori

i wish my baby was born, traditional folk song // artist unknown

hard wired, shakey graves // art by miles johnston

[i-like-gay-books]

someone tell me what the fuck to do now i just finished dark heir and i need to scream and flail around but its 1am and i have a 9am class tomorrow like bruhhhhh

[melodramaticatheart]

Falling to Pieces - Paedyn Gray x Kai Azer

Kai and Pae have made there way back to Ilyia, Kai now being a visitor for the night at Paedyn's fort.

Pairing: Kai Azer and Paedyn Gray Word Count: 1.2k Book: Powerless Author's Note: first time writing my babies ahhh ! this was a request by @nuncscioquidsitamor-14, which has been in my inbox for a couple weeks but now that i'm rereading powerless i felt inspired to finish it! also this was originally fluff but i'm not sure how it ended up being so angsty Taglist: @reminiscentreader, @flowers-for-em, @nqds, @art-of-fools, @lxvebelle

My breath was coming up short, pain shooting up my legs from holding my weight in the chimney now I had six sticky buns hidden in my pockets, honey oozing through the fabric. I plant my feet on the ground with a soft thud. Running down dark alleys until I find the familiar white house, well what was left of it. “Y’know I could arrest you for that.” “You could try, but we both know I'd escape” I cock my head to the side looking at Kai leaning against a street light, “So you going to hand me one or am I gonna have to steal it from you? Gray Style.” He asks, pushing himself off the pole, a shadow you’d miss if you weren’t looking. The night's darkness seemed to engulf him, only making parts of his smirk visible to me. “Here you go” I say plopping the sticky mess into his hand “But I must warn you they might not live up to Gale’s” “I don’t doubt it.” I smack his arm lightly making my way down the empty street, the stars glisten on the big canvas we call the sky helping light the slums “So…” Kai stumbled alongside me dumping a chunk of bun into his mouth “Where are we staying tonight?” “We?” I look at him skeptically, “Let me remind you down this road there’s a gold pristine palace waiting for you, with a nice big bed, and a table full of food.” I move my hand around and soften my voice to add awe to my words. He can probably hear the bitterness behind my words but doesn’t acknowledge them. “It’s funny you think I'd leave you alone, after losing you for a month.” He crossed his arm, walking backwards looking at me with a crooked grin, a dimple appearing on his right. I roll my eyes, giving in. “Come on, I'll take you to the fort.” “”The fort” sounds exciting.” He cocks his head, giving me a tight smile and turning his front back to the street.

With tight lips I make my way down the familiar alley, my stomach lurching. I hadn’t had time to return after… my thoughts caught off not allowing myself to think of the blood, the crooked fingers, the moans of pain. I stumble towards a wall staring at the small corner of the alley filled with rugged blankets and old discarded fabrics, I begin to mindlessly spin my father’s finger on my thumb. “This is home” I whisper, my lips trembling at the sight. Now that I’m closer I can make out the last bits of fabric I’d stolen for Adena before leaving for the trial. Anger bubbled up inside me, everything about this stupid kingdom has made innocent people suffer, and I was going to get them back. My hands instinctively turned to fists, the anger pooling in my gut. Kai grunted, bringing my attention to the boy who was now rubbing his neck, absentmindedly nodding his head as he slumped against the wall on the other side of the alley staring at the barricades of the place I'd grown to call home.

I went and sat next to him, not having enough courage to sit in the fort. Slowly I pulled out the sticky buns I’d stolen an hour ago, “these were her favorite'' I whisper, a look of understanding crossing his face, he quietly took the bun and threw a piece into his mouth chewing it for a few seconds as i started to nibble mine still not used to food in my stomach after so much time in the scorches. “These may not be Gale’s but they definitely come in a close second” I chuckle silently but It’s just to fill the silence. I throw my head back resting it against the wall, sighing the anger melts taking over me like a honey does a sticky bun. “I can’t do this” I breathe out, getting on my feet unsteadily. I start walking down the narrow lane ignoring the sound of Kai getting on his feet behind me “Hey, where are you going?” I hear him ask as he reaches me softly, turning me around so I can face him. “You okay, Gray?” His eyes turn 10 shades of sincere as he studies my face for an answer. I try to get out of his grip calling him enforcer just to anger him but he just stays silent not reacting to the title. “Just leave me alone Azer” I say finally getting out of his grip, almost making it out of the aisle before he calls out from behind me “Did I do something?” He asks, confused on why I'm acting this way. He doesn’t get it. He’s seen where I’ve spent the last five years sleeping and not even a little bit of sympathy from him. Even his brother could manage some when he saw the slums. No, what am I saying? I don't want his sympathy. What I want is to get him back. 

I scoff, loud enough he can hear me,  turning around stalking towards him. I point my finger at his chest, not being able to contain my anger any longer. “Are you seriously going to ask me here of all places if you did something?! Look Where we are your royal highness, we’re in the place I called home, a collection of blankets and fabric i’ve had to sleep in for five god damn years.” My tongue tastes bitter as I use his royal title. I resent him at this moment. “Do you know how hard it was? Huh?! Do you know, Kai? Having to sleep on the floor, only getting to eat on lucky days, getting whipped by your stupid guards just cause they felt they needed to teach a lesson towards a starving child!” I throw my hands to my hair letting my fingers dig into my scalp. I take a breath letting it fill my lungs “The only person I had, the girl I called my sister, the person I could trust with anything, I didn’t need to lie my way for her to call me a friend.” A sob broke through me, grief filling my insides. “She was all I had and your stupid kingdom, your stupid family took her away” I look at him dead in the eye as I finish “and you, you started all of it, you killed my father the only place of comfort I ever knew and you killed him right in front of me” I slowly crumble to my knees years of pent up grief releasing. The sobs come out heavy and sloppy as my heart starts to seize, I must look pathetic. The thought crosses my head causing a small laugh to leave the body of my lips. I suddenly feel fingers treading through my hair, his left arm wrapping around my waist. “I hate you!” I scream out, pounding my fists in his chest, he only pulls me closer “Hate me Pae. Hate me all you want.” He whispers into my hair, his hold loosening on me as my hits get softer, “It should’ve been me” I sob into his chest, my energy giving out, pain the size of my heart searing across my chest, my sobs growing quieter as the night gets colder.

[mostlyvoid-partiallyflowers]

Okay I just speedran The Sunshine Court in like 12 hours. I will be rereading it soonly and giving more coherent thoughts but here’s my main takeaways:

- Thought #1: Holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck this book exists. I am on the floor I’m so fucking excited.

Spoilers below the cut

- I absolutely love that we get both Jean and Jeremy POVs. It’s great especially because Jean is an oblivious and traumatized and if we just see things through his eyes we would never get to see Jeremy PINING like an absolute icon. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, it’s about the pining, the waiting, the yearning. I’m simple man, I like my books gay, angsty, and with tension you could cut with a knife. This delivers on all accounts.

- I love getting to see the end of tkm from Jean’s perspective. Getting to see him watch the Foxes v Ravens game was incredible. I’m a very big fan.

- Renee and Jean time! Renee giving Jean her cross necklace. I’m in tears, I’m dead, I’m on the floor. It’s not the right time for us 😭. Excuse me? I’m unwell.

- Kevin Day, queen of my heart! Getting to see how someone other than Neil canonically sees Kevin is an absolute treat for me. Jean’s weakness for beautiful men has become known. Me too Jean, me too.

- Jeremy, light of my life, I can’t believe you’re rich. At least your family sucks because I don’t think I could take it if your family was wealthy and nice.

- Jeremy + Jean meeting for the first time. Jeremy trying and failing to play with a yo-yo. I’d die for you. They are ADHD 🤝 Autism solidarity me thinks.

- Montana has a pro Exy team which is not at all plausible but I’ll let it slide because one Montana mention for the win and two the team is called the Rustics which is absolutely what we’d call a pro sports team if we had one. The only reason Montanan’s at large would commit to indoor lacrosse is that Kayleigh Day was Irish and so solidarity.

- Laila and Cat, my beloveds. The description of their apartment has me yearning for the same. They have a bay window with a window seat okay. That’s like in my top three desires for a home.

- Carboard cutout dog with a classic Nora pet name. I’ll love Mister B forever. I love how Jeremy keeps moving him around. I love how Jean hates it.

- Trans characters! Poly characters! Nonbinary characters! Nora, my birthday has come a little late but damn this was a gift!

- I am absolutely pronouncing Jean wrong in my head probably 70% of the time.

- I’m so fucking angry at the Ravens. My blood is boiling and I want to cry. Jean deserved better, Kevin deserved better, Riko deserved better. All the Ravens deserved better. I want to put Tetsugi Moriyama into a blender and feed him to the crows.

- Jean was 16. I’m absolutely incandescent with rage.

- Jeremy is so patient with Jean and I will forever love him for that.

- This book was a lot shorter time frame than I was expecting, mainly because I keep forgetting there’s going to be another one.

- The food control but is driving me crazy. It makes me so fucking mad. Let my boy eat. I want him to be happy.

- Jeremy has seen Jean looking 👀 ummmmmm hello? “More exclusively than you do, I think.” I’m on the floor.

- Laila buying Jean a sex toy?!? Oh my god. What would she even get him? I feel like he deserves a vibrating cock ring or something fun like that. That way service top™️ Jeremy Knox can use it on him when they finally get together.

- I love seeing Neil from Jean’s perspective. It’s funny how different he is from my perspective and Jean’s/everyone else’s. I’ve spent so much time thinking about him from Andrew’s pov that it’s weird seeing him through anyone else’s. Everyone is like this scrappy irritating son of bitch is gonna get what’s coming to him, and Andrew is like, well I can’t not fuck him.

- The second Jean mentions Drake to Neil. And then Neil immediately calls a hit out on Gr@yson. Neil, you will always be famous to me.

- Jean-Yves! I hope he starts using his full name again at some point.

- Elodie :(((((( I can imagine what Jean’s going through and I am so afraid for him. If he keeps pushing all these feelings down he’s going to break sooner or later, but probably sooner.

- Jeremy’s unconditional support of Jean has my whole heart. Jean has friends now. I’m crying.

[aleki-lives-here]

I have finished Fugitive Telemetry, and that one felt like slowing down and taking a break, which was nice especially because it made me think much more about the fanfic I am apparently now planning to work on. (The chance of me going through with the plan is at 82% now and growing every time I come up with another terribly angsty scene.) (Yes, my brain is still being ridiculous and pretending to have a Threat Assessment Module except for fanfic writing. You could say the fanfic is a threat in some ways.)

I also reread parts of Network Effect, and boy that book is definitely my favorite. So many absolutely awesome emotional scenes.

[consistentsquash]

2023 HP Slash Fic Recs (January to August)

My favorite slash fics written in 2023! Full disclosure everything is Snarry except one fic which is Sirius/Albus + Snape/Albus.

In the Margins of What We Know by Malora (January)

Snarry, 27700 words, epistolary fic

Snarry doesn't really get a lot of epistolary fic. So when I saw this one I was super excited. Love it. Really creative fic with a lot of scope/worldbuilding without a lot of words.

Magic and Botany: The Bamboo Forest of Li Xian (book excerpt) A bamboo forest is unusual compared to other forests in that its growth happens beneath the surface. The Bamboo Forest of Li Xian, in fact, could be considered one organism. There is a single root system for the entire forest. Two shoots of bamboo, seemingly distant, can be connected in ways that are not easily seen.

Check out the rest of the Snarry Adopt A Prompt Fest 2022.

  This Mirrored Perspective by @likelightinglass and zalil (February)

Snape/Harry/Tonks, 8000 words, PWP, Dirty bad hot wrong

Ok this is my OT3 and I don't really take questions. But this is my OT3 because of Likelightinglass writing An auror, a professor and a potioneer walk into a bar. This fic has a totally different vibe! It's intense, psychological, dirtybadhotwrong porn with peak self-indulgence. Definitely NSFW.

That nagging sense that he didn't deserve it.

  Night Skye by @titconao3 (March)

Snarry, 11500 words, OTP comfort food fic

Heartwarming OTP fic! It's the best Snarry comfort food fic I read this year. Good vibes, sexy high chemistry, loving/intimate feels, brilliantly characterized, beautiful settings.

“One day…” He shakes his head and looks up at Harry, his eyes like coal. “Today,” Harry says. “Today, Severus; that’s what matters.” This is how, finally, Harry gets Severus to agree.

  Coda to "Soft Touch" by @perverse-idyll (April)

Snarry, 3,300 words, Soft

Have recced before. Will rec again. Because everybody needs to read it for the soft tender vibes. Not really soft. But compared to the intense angsty fic this is a coda for, I feel like it's optimistic and soft and I just feel so happy for my OTP.

"Can a man not toss off in the privacy of his own room without being accused of sabotaging his bloody health? If you can't trust that I have a vested interest in my own recovery - "

Snape spotted Harry, and a flush raced from his collar up to his hairline, exquisitely pink beneath his unnaturally smooth skin. But although he swallowed his tirade, Snape didn't seem particularly put out by having practically shouted his masturbatory claims to the entire office.

Check out Soft Touch the perfect dysfunctional/dirtybadhotwrong massage fic which inspired this coda!

  Devotion by @danpuff-ao3 (May)

Snarry, 27000 words. Intense/dirty bad/hot/wrong.

Exactly what I want from my Snarry! Honestly Danpuff is bringing the oldschool vibes of Snarry back with a bang in their fics every single time and I am just super spoiled now. Snarry forever :D Also love to see Danpuff going into longer fics this year!

Though the worst crime of all is Potter’s. "Did you want to die?" Also The boy knows — he knows — he can take anything he wants. That bitter surrender is surrender all the same. That the force of Severus’ loathing is fed by his longing.

Pro tip - Read Contempt together with this fic. Check out other fics from Snarry-a-Thon 23

  Much Ado About Asmodeus by @ac1d6urn (June)

Snarry, 18100 words, Fluff

Fluff and crack! Really love the oldschool trope parody vibes of this fic. I actually haven't read something like this in a pretty long time. Going on my rereads! Also going on my holiday season reading list :D Also love to see Acid's insane prolific streak this year. I feel super spoiled as a reader! <3

Harry squinted against the rain and promptly attempted to expunge the phrase "Ventus Vultuosus, swish and flick when in a bind!" from his memory. Ugh. Curse you, Common Weather Weathering Spell #13! That'll be the last time I trust anything Witch Weekly puts out in fine print. (Except maybe that last fruitcake recipe.) Now that he thought about it, Auntie Annabelle's Advice Column on "Ten Ways of Bewitching and Beguiling Your Mr Right" didn't seem so reliable either, especially considering some of those later suggestions, and maybe even those in the middle too. Those were a bit wild.

  Promises, promises... by SerenaEW, @acydpop (July)

Snarry, 5000 words, Fluff

Aww!!! The Snarry Summer Fluff I was totally praying for and really needed! Perfect Snarry Bang opener for my reading <3 Also the art! <3

Severus was looking at him, telling him, with only a glance, to shut up before you say something utterly idiotic. The expression on Jamie's face looked nearly identical.

Check out the other fics from Snarry Bang 2023

  Brillig by eldritcher (August)

Dumbledore saying "You disgust me" to people in his life but also meaning "I disgust myself". The more he sees himself in the other person, the more disgusted he gets. Intense, intense beautiful fic. But also healing because he finally overcomes that.

He disgusts you. Ratty, bony, skulking, pleading, raging, raving, frightened of the shadows and frightened of the fog, frightened of you. "You did not save Lily!" he yells. "You did not save James!" he weeps. "You did not save me!" he whimpers, and huddles into himself and trembles as if the North Sea is in his very veins.

Also the math works out!!! Snape/Dumbledore + Sirius/Dumbledore = Snack by proxy actually.

Check out the rest of the spectacularly beautiful Frabjous which contains some of my all time favorite fics.

[susiephone]

So glad to see a fellow Tally/Shay shipper in the tag. Their relationship is just so good. Its such a gigantic mess. I felt so seen with my messy, queer, neurodivergent teenage female friendships, even if I needed until a reread two years ago until I acknowledged this this feels extremely queer and that is okay because I am queer too. Until then, all the female friendships I read were always just harmonic and nice and only ever threatened by boys, not these codependent, jealous messes.

The idea to center a YA dystopia around two girls who are deep friends with each other and maybe in love but are pitted against each other by the dystopian system (read: patriarchy, read: beauty culture) again and again is just absolutely amazing. I mean, there is a more traditional love triangle too, and its even well written enough to not drag down the series, unlike in most YA dystopias, but its not the center. At least not for me. For me, Tally and Shay are.

I could go on about them because I have thoughts (see: all the fanart and fics I have either already published or wait to publish until the trailer for the movie comes out), but the ask is already pretty long

first of all - i'm so sorry, i saw this message and fully intended to reply later that day i was like "oh i'll get to this after dinner!"

anyway! i was really struck by HOW different the love triangle in uglies is compared to other YA (especially YA dystopia). like the fact that tally doesn't definitively end up with either of them, and that neither boy turns evil (or at least antagonistic), and that both guys were good for her in their own way. but i especially loved that they both took a backseat to her friendship with shay, since that was by far the most interesting relationship in the whole thing

i'm cautiously optimistic about the movie (assuming it even happens). i personally think it'd work better as a series, but, well, after the shadow and bone debacle, i'm weary to trust any streaming service to actually follow through. i'm a bit worried about how mainstream actors who are all gorgeous anyway will be able to play the characters, and how they'll handle stuff like the specials' body modifications without looking silly (obviously there has to be an element of uncanny valley there, but i do worry it could look corny if they don't have a very good makeup artist).

i'm also VERY worried they'll make both tally and shay white. my personal hc is that tally is white and shay is asian, but tally could be any ethnicity, and shay was imo pretty clearly a woman of color. though i wouldn't be surprised if the movie cuts the parts that indicate that the pretty committee's standards are super racist- i wouldn't be surprised if they cut the themes of self-harm, too. (though tbh i'm of two minds about how that was portrayed in the books; i see what they were going for, but i do agree with some criticism i've seen that it could've been handled better.) any YA adaptation is bound to have some of its edge taken out. like the hunger games movies were pretty damn edgy in some aspects, but they're downright sanitized compared to the books.

one thing's for sure. if a movie happens and if they portray the tally/shay relationship at all competently, there will be an influx of shippers. i can see the angsty lyrics edits now.

[crabbeychick]

People you'd like to get to know better

I was tagged by @igotsnothing, my shotgun rider. Always a pleasure and thanks for the yummy snacks! You can beep the horn next time we're out! Thank you, my friend! ❤️

last song: I've been listening to Ateez all evening while Sims surfing, so I'm not sure which one was the last one. I think it was Promise!

favorite color: Black (it's a power color) and light pink (yet I'm still a girly girl sometimes!)

currently watching: People Investigates and Law & Order. Love my crime shows!

last movie: Smile. Totally freaked me out!

currently reading: Rereading The Shining by Stephen King. I love allllll his books! Also reading some hot BL manga!

Sweet/spicy/savory: Not a big sweet person (I do crave it now and then but that's rare) and I do not like spicy, so I guess that leaves savory!

last thing I googled: Hmmm, I don't remember, it might have been a food list for the story I'm writing involving my two hot and angsty pretty boys for their Italian dinner night (and when I write is the ONLY time I like spicy, heheheh).

current obsession: I won't lie, BG3. I just started and I am reallllly looking forward to finding Haslin (I hope I got that right) so he can have his way with my lovely fighter! Asterion is more than welcome to as well.

currently working on: a lot of stuff! Painting decorations for Halloween, writing about my boys and their one-night stand turning into a full fledged relationship (even though one swears he's never going to date anyone - hah, silly boy!), and desperately trying to sort out my Sims CC folders so I can finally make my boys and post them on here!

I invite any of my very few followers to participate. It's fun!

I'm ready for a road trip anytime you are! <3

[outeremissary]

9 People You'd Like to Get to Know Better

Tagged by @turbulentpumpkin43. Thanks for thinking of me! I know I haven't been around much (for reasons we don't need to get into), but truly nothing summons me faster than the email notification about a tag game where I know I'm going to have to say something horribly embarrassing about myself.

Three Ships: I mean, if we're counting stuff with OCs then obviously anyone following my knows Balthazar and Tristian (and the wonderful polycule with Vio) is my number one. Aside from that, the latest volume of Witch Hat has fully converted me into an Agott/Coco true believer. I actually did like the Coco/Tarteh vibe but Agott's special brand of slowly changing rival just has me by the throat. Aside from that? Ummm. Elliot and Leo from Pandora Hearts? Does that count? I did my full reread of Pandora Hearts while afk in September and those two have had me since like 2012 or 2013 or whenever they were introduced in the English release. But now that I'm older and more mature I can better appreciate what the messy later arcs had to give, and that's the beauty of a relationship between equals corrupted by a growing imbalance no one has the strength to acknowledge and devotion so deep it tears both of their lives apart. That's awesome. 11/10, everyone read Pandora Hearts and I'm not even joking

First Ever Ship: Gamers, back in early 2012 when I was in middle school and could only see images on the computer at school because searching for anything visual online was mega bad for rural internet, a friend of mine used a science classroom computer to discover you could find non-canon images of The Legend of Zelda if you searched terms like "Link blue" and scrolled down a couple rows. I distinctly remember this as the first ever time I really understood the concept of "fan art," and more importantly as my entry into fandom as we all began to realize many of these came from the same site: a place called "DeviantArt." Some of these contained such salacious and unthinkable things as two boys holding hands and blushing, and also both of those boys were Link. I was so captivated by these mysterious images that I followed them to their Four Swords Adventures manga RP fandom source, where I am not proud to say the first "ship" I adopted as such was Vio (Violet Link for people who spent their time doing better things at thirteen) and Shadow (Shadow Link, of course). That's right, everyone! It was edgy Link selfcest yaoi between a traitor and an angsty villain all the way down!!! And you know what? When I write that I don't think my taste has changed. Except the selfcest. Mostly.

The other, more respectable first ship I remember not long after that was Ulquihime. What can I say, there's just something about the Stockholm syndrome of it all.

Last Song: No title - REOL. Narrowly missed this being edgy early Vocaloid. I've been revisiting old favorites recently.

Last Movie: I'm pretty sure it was Surf's Up. For whatever reason my friend decided we should rewatch it when I visited him a few weeks ago. Holds up better than it should, but I've rewatched it twice in little over a year and truly that is my Surf's Up limit. That trip was also when my friend forced me to watch Barbie and the D&D movie. Look at me catching up on relevant pop culture only for fucking Surf's Up to be what made this list.

Currently Reading: I'm pretty sure this came up last time, but because I haven't gotten started on a better book since then I'm unfortunately still periodically chipping at The Thousand Deaths of Ardor Benn. This book fucking sucks. Don't read it. If we could manga and stories that are actually good I recently did a Witch Hat Atelier reread after getting volume 11!!! That volume is. So painfully personal.

Currently Watching: Cyberpunk: Edgerunners and Jujutsu Kaisen season 2. JJK is with my friend for weekly hangout, but Edgerunners is a solo endeavor because it was bumming him out way too much. Good show though. Also JJK was way more of a bummer than expected in ways that caught me off guard??? I'm not getting over what happened to that girl, I really got fucking got by that scene. Jesus

Currently Consuming: Nothing. Just finished dinner, where I had a chicken sandwich and fries. I need groceries. It's dire.

Currently Craving: doing something creative, but that would require moving the giant zine pile on my chair........ this is how I'm procrastinating

I'm sorry, but I'm actually not tagging anyone on this tonight! I haven't been on enough lately to know who has or hasn't done it, and frankly I'm not ready to be back on Tumblr enough to map that out. If you're seeing this and want to do it, please go ahead and do it. Tag me like I tagged you, we are collaborators in this and I want to see what you say.

[txemrn]

I'm seriously sitting here, trying to figure out how to even start this reblog. Between the A/N and this story (YOU WROTE THIS FRIGGIN STORY! I AM STILL SCREAMING!!! More on that later), and I am honestly at a loss for words (yeah, yeah, yeah... laugh it up). I am so humbled to even call you a dear friend. You are such a rare gem, and I am grateful for our fictional men Liam Rys and Robin Flores (Okay, technically it was Sam) for bringing us together (I still remember that day when I finally put 2 and 2 together of who you were--I literally screamed!).

But seriously and I hate sounding so cheesy and cliché, but your friendship everyday is such a blessing, such a rich gift that I am forever grateful for. Thank you so much for putting up with my weird ideas, my story/book re-tellings, my emotional rants, THE CRYING (ALL OF THE CRYING), my weird sounds and narcoleptic episodes. Thank you for believing in me even when I don't believe in myself. Loooooooooove you!

PS If Liam were to sing an emo song, what would it be? (Why am I getting a weird idea for Royal Roulette?)

------

OKAY... THIS FRIGGIN FIC! Do you realize what you have done? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU HAVE DONE?! Seriously, if Sam Dalton reacted like this in the story, maybe I wouldn't have been so angry with him. THIS right here is the normal reaction of someone who was in love once, lost the LOVE OF HIS LIFE, and she just waltzes back in after 5 years... Talk about a confusion of emotions, of thoughts, just... of everything. I loved his initial bite back of-- ADDISON IS DEAD (Is it weird that I picture a piece of his perfect hair falling into his face?).

In the midst of wanting to be alone to his thoughts, I LOVED how at the end, he stopped Anna, realizing he needed her. If he legit wanted her as his wife, he really needed to take a step in trusting her with this... I know, I probably sound all over the place with this man. But I think we were all craving for him to be a little bit more trusting and vulnerable with Anna.

Seriously... the respect you just made me give this man... it makes me sorta hate you. LOL But for real, this truly is exactly what we all wanted--WHAT THE EFF HAPPENED AT THE PARTY WHEN ADDISON JUST SHOWED UP?!!?

BTW... you just wrote some angsty TNA and there are a TON of plot holes, so GUESS WHAT YOU JUST SIGNED UP FOR! LOL!

OMG at the beginning with the boys, just break my heart all over again. My precious little Mase and Mick... what a confusing time it already is for them that their dad is getting married to the nanny after being engaged to Aunt Sofia like 3 months ago... but now their real mom is back? I loved how you painted their confusion, the way SEVEN-year-olds would react. I also loved you showing them all together interact as a family when everything isn't hunky dory, when everything can't be solved by invincible Anna lol.

OH! So... Have you seen the ads for the new Mafia story? They used white Vivian Dalton's sprite... and I don't know what's going on there, but now my money is totally on Addison's disappearance and reappearance being on the older Daltons and some kind of involvement with the mafia.

So... I just reread through this reblog and wow... this is a perfect representation of how my brain works. Maybe even worse... LOL But please please please know how grateful I am for all of this, and please please please know how much I ADORED this story!

Until the next one... 🤣🤣🤣

Looooooooove you! *hugs*

Oh, and btw...

Ghost of You (Happy Birthday, Em!)

Book: The Nanny Affair

Pairing: M!Sam Dalton x MC (Anna)

Summary: In the TNA scene we were all waiting for, but never received, Sam comes face to face with an uninvited guest at the Dalton-Russo holiday party.

Rating: PG (Adult language and lots of angst)

Word Count: 1,791

A/N 1: Today is the birthday of one of my favorite people on the planet, @txemrn. I went through a couple of ideas, but none of them quite worked. Then, I decided to come back to this fic that I had started a while back. It was perfect for a couple of reasons:

We found each other, and started our friendship over TNA.

It's angsty, and my homie loves some good angst!

Em, my dawg, my sister in emo, where do I even start? You are such an incredible friend, and I am so very lucky to have you in my life. You always have, and always will be my favorite cheerleader. I will never be able to express to you how much your love and support means to me. You push me to be more creative with all your crazy ideas, and I love that you always ask me to tag along with them.

Please don't ever forget what an amazing person you are, and how much you mean to so many of us. And you are an incredible writer (you know, like burn your grilled cheese good). I know you're my Kris Jenner, but today, for your birthday, I'm going to Uno Reverse you:

A/N 2: I am participating in this week's @choicesflashfics. I chose Prompt #2: "You just don't seem like yourself tonight." The prompt is in bold below.

A/N 3: Thank you to @charlotteg234 for listening to me bitch about my lack of creativity and ideas during the whole process. And thank you to @ao719 for also listening to me bitch, and for pre-reading this.

“Anna, guess what! We just saw the craziest thing...” Mickey called as he and Mason charged toward their future step-mother. 

Both boys froze in their tracks when the woman Anna had been speaking with came into view. Mason’s jaw dropped, and Mickey’s eyes went wide. Neither were quite sure how to receive the woman before them.

“Boys… I’ve missed you.” The woman said gently. Anna took a step closer to the twins.

“Mom?!” Mason gasped.

Anna’s eyes went wide as surrounding heads began to turn. “Wait… but I thought… you’re…” she stuttered, trying to process the information. 

“I’m so sorry it had to come out this way, Anna. But yes, I’m Addison Dalton.” 

“Boys, come on. We need to go find your dad.” Anna placed a protective hand on each of their shoulders.

“Anna, what’s happening?” Mason asked, looking between the two women.

“Yeah, I thought our mom died?” Mickey added.

Addison stepped forward and smiled before kneeling down to meet their eyes. “It’s a long story, but I’m here, and I’m not ever going to leave you two again.” 

“Come on boys. Now.” Anna’s tone was stern, as more partygoers started turning their attention to the scene that was playing out.

“Anna, what’s going on? I heard you from the other…” Sam stopped short at Anna’s side, his expression mirroring that of Mickey and Mason’s when they saw Addison. 

“Hello, Sam.” Addison greeted him.

“Addison?” Sam’s voice was barely a whisper as he locked eyes with the woman he thought he had lost five years ago. 

As Sam continued to stand there, speechless, Anna wrapped her arms around the boys, pulling them close to her as her eyes flitted between Sam and his wife. 

Sam’s wife. Just minutes ago, they had been celebrating their engagement. He was moaning her name. Now he was standing there, face to face with the woman who had held his heart, and his name, before her. 

“Anna,” Sam’s voice pulled her from her thoughts. “Take the boys, find Carter, and meet me in the car.” 

“But Sam, they’re my boys too and I haven’t seen them-”“Stop.” Sam cut Addison off, just as Mason Senior was approaching.

“What is going on over here?” Mason asked. “Addison?” He gasped once he noticed the blonde standing there. 

“Anna, go.” Sam commanded, his eyes never leaving Addison’s. Anna quickly ushered the boys out of the room. “Who are you?”

“Sam, it’s me.” Addison responded, reaching out and placing her hand on his shoulder. 

He instantly jerked back, away from her touch. “You can’t be. Addison is dead.” 

“All right, that’s enough.” Mason interjected. “We don’t need to do this in front of an audience.” He ushered Sam and Addison out of the ballroom and into a small conference room, Vivian following close behind. 

“Now, what is the meaning of all of this?” Mason stood with his arms folded.

“Mason, Vivian… Sam,” Addison started. “I know this seems completely insane, and I promise I will explain everything. But I’m here because I want my family back.” 

Sam was pacing the room, trying to make sense of this. Addison was dead, he had identified her body, buried her, raised their children on his own. It was impossible for her to be standing here right now. Wasn’t it?

“Sam?” Addison’s voice was soft as she attempted to approach him again. He held his hand up to stop her.

“This doesn’t make sense. None of this makes any sense.” He pinched the bridge of his nose and looked around the room. “I can’t do this. I have to go.” Sam stormed out of the room without another word. 

“Samuel, wait!” Vivian chased after him, grabbing his arm to stop him. “Are you alright? You just don’t seem like yourself tonight.”

Sam’s head snapped back to look at his mother. “Of course I’m not alright, mom! Can you really blame me?”

“I know, I know.” She placed her hands on his shoulders. “You just take Anna and the boys and go home. We’ll call the lawyers to get this all sorted out.” Sam nodded in understanding. “And why don’t you four go up to the cabin for the rest of the boys’ break, Get away from the inevitable media circus for a bit.” 

“Yeah, yeah that’s a good idea. Thanks, mom.” Sam leaned down, kissing his mother on the cheek.

“You call us if you need anything, Sam.” He nodded and made his way out to the car. 

Anna was sitting in the back of the limo, trying to field Mason and Mickey’s questions about their mother’s sudden reappearance, while also trying to make sense of it for herself. Suddenly, the car door opened and Sam slid into his seat, dropping his head back on to the headrest and letting out a loud breath. Anna knocked on the divider, signaling to Carter that they were ready to leave. 

They rode back to the penthouse in silence, Sam watched the scenery go by as he tried to process everything that had happened. The boys shared worried glances before looking up at Anna. She looked down at them, smiling softly. She knew that no matter what she was feeling about Addison’s return, this moment was so much harder for the three men in her life. She had to be there for them right now, she would worry about herself later. 

When they returned to the apartment, Sam went straight to his office, closing the door behind him, leaving Anna and the boys in the living room. 

“Guys, why don’t you go get ready for bed. I’ll be there in a minute to say goodnight.” 

“But Anna…” Mickey whined. 

She knew they had a lot of questions, but she didn’t have any answers. She also wasn’t sure it was her place. 

“Please Mickey.” She pleaded. 

He nodded and followed Mason to their room, leaving Anna alone with her thoughts. She knew she needed to talk to Sam, but she needed to get the boys in bed first. 

Sam closed the office door behind him and walked straight to his bar cart, pouring a glass of scotch, which he immediately brought to his lips and swallowed. He poured a second before stepping up to the floor to ceiling window and staring out at the city lights. His mind raced with one question after the next.

He was buried so deep in his thoughts that he didn’t hear the soft knocking at the door. He continued to stare out the window, not actually looking at anything. 

“Sam?” Anna’s soft tone finally brought him back to the moment. He turned and watched his fiance of only a few hours approach. 

“Did the boys get to bed alright?” The question fell from Sam’s mouth without even thinking. 

“Yeah,” she nodded. “I mean, as well as can be expected. They have a lot of questions.” 

Sam let out a humorless laugh. They weren’t the only ones. 

“Are you alright?” Anna asked, placing her hand on Sam’s shoulder. 

He turned away, finishing his second drink and leaving the glass on the bar cart. “I don’t know.” 

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know.”

“What are you going to tell the boys?” 

“I don’t know.”

“What --”

“Anna, I don’t know! Alright?” Sam yelled, causing Anna to flinch and step back. 

“I’m sorry.” Her voice was small as she tried holding back her own emotions. 

Sam pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed deeply. “No, I’m sorry Anna, I didn’t mean to take it out on you.” He stepped up to her, pulling her close and kissing the top of her head. 

“No, I know.” She responded. “I didn’t mean to be pushy, I just want to help you.”

Sam pulled back, running his hand over his face. “I know you do, and I appreciate it. I just need to try to wrap my head around all of this.” 

Silence fell over the room as Anna watched Sam collapse onto the sofa, running his hand over his face. She knew what a toll this was taking on him and the twins, yet selfishly, all she was wondering was what this would mean for her future with Sam. 

“I’m going to go home.” Anna finally broke the silence. 

She stepped toward Sam, but his eyes were trained on the floor in front of him. He didn’t even acknowledge her. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before redirecting and walking out into the hallway. The sound of his office door closing brought Sam out of his trance, he looked around and realized Anna had left. He jumped up from his seat and hurried after her.  

“Anna, wait!” Sam called for her as she stepped onto the elevator. 

He made it to the doors just as they were closing, throwing his arm between them. He stood at the threshold, preventing them from closing again. She looked up at him curiously. 

“I’m taking the boys to my parent’s cabin tomorrow. When this gets out to the press, they’re going to be all over us. I want to keep the boys away from all that for as long as possible.” 

Anna nodded solemnly. “Okay.” Her voice was barely above a whisper. “We can talk when you get back… if you want.” 

“Come with us.” Her eyes went wide at his invitation. He reached out and took her hand in his. “They’re going to be all over you too.” She looked down, and he used his free hand to lift her gaze back to his. “Please?”

She looked into his eyes and saw nothing but sincerity and hope. “Sure, yeah, I’ll come.” He smiled, tugging on their joined hands to get her off the elevator. She pulled back, removing her hand from his. “I’ll need to go home and pack.” 

“Right, of course.” Sam backed away, placing his arm against the elevator door. “I’ll see you in the morning then?” 

“I’ll be here.” She assured, leaning forward and kissing him softly on the cheek. “I love you, Sam.” 

He let out a sigh as he lowered his arm, allowing the door to begin to close. “I love you too.” 

Sam remained rooted in place as the door closed and the elevator began its descent. His mind raced with all of the things that he now had to figure out. There were so many people that were going to expect explanations, the press, his parents, the boys, Anna; but before he could provide those, he would need some of his own. Why was she back? How was she back? What did she want? 

After all these years, he was finally ready to move forward, but before he could he would have to face his past. 

Permatag:

@3pawandme @busywoman @charlotteg234 @choiceskatie @cordonia-gothqueen @cordoniaqueensworld @emkay512 @foreverethereal123 @gryffindordaughterofathena @hopelessromanticmonie @iaminlovewithtrr @i-am-only-here-for-sims-cc @imashybish @kat-tia801 @khoicesbyk @kingliam2019 @mom2000aggie @neotericthemis @nestledonthaveone @nikirennie87 @princessleac1 @queen-arabella-of-cordonia @secretaryunpaid @sincerelyella @theroyalheirshadowhunter @tessa-liam @twinkleallnight @txemrn 

[dailyscottficrec]

Oct 16, 2022

Today, something a little special for @spikeface

the boy who swallowed the earth by spikeface

Author summary:

Theo tries to take care of Scott after both of them are hit with a rare strain of wolfsbane that causes hallucinations of the past.

Reasons to love the fic:

From @scribeoffate: Every line in this fic is so meticulously crafted to have such a stunning emotional impact. Even if you're not a Theo or Sceo fan, I would highly, highly recommend this for craft alone. And if you are? It's even better. There's good reason for the keysmash reviews <3. adjajkdjkefaldd barely begins to sum it up.

From @allyjostan: I'm still reading the fic, and I very enjoy the experience of being immersed in the way spike wrote, the feelings and vibes in their sentences and the pace. Thank them very much for this wonderful wonderful fic!

From @scintalla: It is SUCH AN INCREDIBLE FIC!!! The prose is out of the world, it understands Scott and Theo better than canon itself. And I'd quote my favourite parts but the entire fic is so good I can't even choose.

From @rhyslahey: that fic in particular is the one story that really made me reconsider my position on Theo. He's still evil in my books, but I am ready to give him a second chance

From @momentofmemory: I think I've read this fic a dozen times by now and I'm sure I'll read it a dozen more. The angst, h/c, and character exploration are enthralling, and you can tell just how much care and thought spike put into every sentence. Theo's backstory is neatly woven into the present-day and builds on the Theo we see in canon so perfectly, and similarly the lines from canon that give the reader hints at what Scott's flashbacks might be are !!! to me. This is the The sceo fic to my mind, and I love it so deeply.

From @letthestorieslive: For the (re)rec spike's fic, does a keymash count as a sentence Because i'm still at the beginning and probably won't have time to finish it, but i'm already kjnbshdgcvxb about it

From @domesticated-feral: its so packed full of little details and intricacies, it's like biting into a burrito made by the hands of a loved one. I loved how the present and the flashbacks weaved in and out one another, the subtle tension building as the story went on which had me holding my breath toward the end of the fic. And most importantly a fic that leaves me needing to let it soak into every single cell of my body is one reason why i love this fic!

From @princeescaluswords: the boy who swallowed the earth manages to weave the complexities of Theo and Scott as individual characters together into a fully realized relationship without having to excise any of the sticky plot realities. Spikeface manages to keep the story suspenseful, romantic, and psychologically insightful all at the same time.

From @a-lil-bi-furious: my thoughts are mostly incoherent sbecause I read the fic and I’ve been !!!!!!! <internal screaming> 😍 ever since!

Spike’s prose is incredible, their characterization is immaculate, and the way the theme of the ouroboros is weaves all throughout the story is so pleasing—it even creates one itself! Sceo relationship is rich and delightfully angsty <3 suffice to say I loved the fic with my whole heart, I WILL be returning to reread, and *everyone* should read it!

[colubrina]

First Lines

I was tagged by @regulusarchieblack and am delighted because I would much rather do this than dishes.

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have fewer than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favourite opening line. Then tag some people to take part.

Tried to put these in reverse chronological order (so newwst first)

FORGET-ME-NOT (mg fantasy):   There are many ways a twelve-year-old girl can be invisible.  I want to get this one drafted by September so I can revise it at the writing retreat I am going to.

KEEPING IT REAL (dark angel fanfic):   The job went wrong Probably never going to finish this one (all the troll reviews didn’t help on that front), but I do like it. All angsty and wallowing

IF YOU MAKE THE DESERT BLOOM (dune fanfic):  “I’m sorry, what?”    The tattoo/flower shop AU the world was begging for

A QUEST IS A DANGEROUS THING (legendborn fanfic):   What killed Bree was that she understood and couldn’t even be angry.   Perhaps the sequel will inspire me to go back to this one,.

UNNAMED GRISHA FIC (grisha fic):  I could always tell when Mal wanted to fuck someone.  never gonna finish this.

NO GOOD WITCHES (ya fantasy):  The most important part of high school was looking normal.  Revising this is killing me.

DRAMIONE RIVALS TO LOVERS FIC (harry potter fic): Granger had done it again. never gonna finish this.

BEOWULF (ya fantasy): Beowulf was the worst book ever written.  This got mired down after I was told I’d revised all the joy out of it and I got stuck.

DUST AND ASHES (ya fantasy): The end of the world began with fire, though no one noticed. Gonna work on this one on and off until I die.

AUBRYN (ya fantasy): Aubryn was fixing her lipstick when the fairy fell out of the sky.  My sequel to Small Town Monsters.  I loved Aubryn so much I couldn’t let her go, so I wrote another whole book about her.  That no one will ever read. God, I’m depressing myself writing all this out.  What is wrong with me?

SMALL TOWN MONSTERS (ya fantasy): There was a half-naked boy in her back yard. I’ve been told this is too quiet for the market.  Straight fairy romance just isn’t in even more, even with bombs and and lots of healthy female friendships.

SEA WITCH’S DAUGHTER (mg fantasy):  Sophie was waiting for her sisters to get ready, and they were taking forever.  My Author Mentor Match book, and the one I signed with my agent for.  This one goes on sub this summer. Good times, I say like a liar.  Who doesn’t love rejection and hopelessness? 

BLOOD AND ROSES (ya fantasy)  Camilla stood at the edge of Fairy and watched the old house.  My Pitch Wars book.  Died in the query trenches.  The ending is more cool than logical, I have to admit, but what really killed it was that no one wants to publish more straight fairy books.

THE AZRAEL PROJECT (ya SFF)  The line to pass the checkpoint moved slowly all morning. No one liked this book except my daughter, who loved it and still rereads it.  Did worse in the query trenches than any other book I queried.

BLOOMS THE THISTLE (ya fantasy)  It was hard to pretend she was still a good person on Summoning Days.  The first book I queried.  Got 18 full requests because it was the last gasp of the YA fantasy boom.  Wasn’t a good book. I remember it mostly for the cruelty of a critique partner, who told me “No one would read this unless they were painfully bored.”  If you tell a person this as feedback, you are an asshole or a sadist or both.

I think I’ve run out of anything even reasonably recent.  My favorite is the most recent, but that’s probably just because it hasn’t failed  yet.

tagging:  @medievalfantasist, @fullyvisible, @evolutionsbedingt, @pedlimwen, @naarna, @sparrow-ink, @pia-bartolini, @provocative-envy, @akorah, @cocoartistwrites, @funkyfaerie

[brizzlovesyou]

Wesper?

LOVE. THEM.

I always have, from the beginning. I thought they were really sweet and I really enjoyed Jesper and Wylan as individuals but I confess I spent most of the duology focused on the plot and other matters. But re-reading the series? It is their time to shine, let me tell you! It’s possible that has a lot to do with Jack’s casting??? My delight at finally having all of our crows and the video of Jack & Kit together is what really got me to reread the series. But I think mostly what it is, is that I’ve given myself more time to appreciate the characters and not speedrun the books, desperate to know how it ends.

There’s something about their dynamic that’s just… it’s such a delight and such a contrast to the rest of what’s happening in the crows duology. It’s the only relationship we get to see develop before our eyes. We get to watch the playful banter and the teasing grow more frequent. We get to see that connection grow, watch them fall for each other. And then to find out they’ve actually been keen on each other from the literal first time they met?? Jesper thinking Wylan looked like a prince that fell into the wrong story and Wylan thinking Jesper had the most perfect lips he’d ever seen??!?! GOODBYE asldfjkaf;lkj

They also just strike a really incredible balance. It’s soft but it’s still really playful. It’s a bit angsty but it’s very wholesome. There’s mischief and there’s chaos but also small touches and unanswered questions. They both wrestle with not living up to parental expectations yet have found a partner that thinks the world of them. Jesper is brash and he deflects with humor and he’s always itching for a fight but he locks eyes with Wylan and he’s just a teenage boy with a crush. Wylan chooses kindness despite all the shit the world throws at him and he's a bit desperate to prove himself but Jesper brings out his quick wit and scheming side. I think I just like how very, very comfortable they are with each other and I’m incredibly pleased with where they end up by the end of Crooked Kingdom.

Honest to god I could wax poetic about either of them for days but I love them very very much and I literally just read the almost kiss scene in the hotel so I am TRULY up in my Wesper feels at the moment.

Send me a ship and I'll give you my (brutally) honest opinion on it

[tinx-methinks]

Big update because I haven't done this in a while! I mentioned I had eye problems and I ended up needing glasses and I took a reading break to work on wedding planning and it's been a whole thing. But I have got a lot read in spite of that.

KA Applegate: The Exposed, The Experiment, The Sickness, and The Reunion. Oh boy these are getting HEAVY. In order I think we had Rachel gets asked by an evil Eldritch power to murder a cousin to join the evil side and live, Ax has to morph a cow and go to a slaughterhouse, Cassie has to do emergency brain surgery on Ax and Marco has to kill his own mother. YIKES.

Leech by Hiron Ennes: This is one of my stand out favs this year. It was a crazy good book. I can see why tasmuir was the front quote. I don't even know what I could tell you about it that would make you read it but just trust me you should.

The Ivies by Alexis Donne: wasn't too bad but I think I found all the characters unlikable.. but it was saved by the fact that the narrative recognized it. I'm unlikely to look for more from the author but I didn't hate this book.

The Invisible Life of Addie La Rue by VE Schwab: I didn't like this book at all. I hated both characters by the mid point of this book and it never really got better... It felt very dry and there was too much detail that felt erroneous and I never really got invested.

The House Across the Lake by Riley Sager: I was so bummed I didn't like this one. I've enjoyed all of his other books as sort of mindless thrillers but the end on this one sorta just bummed me out.

The Archive Undying by Emma Mieko Candon: This book was insane. I think there were lots of places where the story lost me but by the end I was so enthralled and I never want to read it again. I think this is the type of book I can never reread or else I'd need to run a wikipedia on it and be the world's foremost expert and I just don't have the time to invest. I don't know if I'll pick up the sequels... I think I feel good about this story ending here. The pay off for some of those angsty moments was so good but the worldbuilding was hard to follow and the large about of original terms and staggering povs makes it a hard sell to others The bookclub didn't love this one.

Demons of Good and Evil by Kim Harrison: I ordered this one in hard cover and it did not disappoint. I always look forward to her newest release. I love Al.

Out of the Ashes by Kara Thomas: I think I liked this book overall because the main character really paid for her ill behavior and the complexity of the characters, the feel of the setting, and the thrilling moments all really shone through. However I didn't like it as much as most of the author's work. The main character is a nurse with tendency of using it like the superpower of diagnosis which I found tedious. Also what the FUCK was up with that divacup scene???

The Fourth Wing by Rebecca Yarros: Hey this is a booktok book that's heavily influenced by military glorification and claims to have diversity but when you really think about it for a minute very little of that forces the characters to learn grow or change so does it matter? However I liked it. It was fun in a way that a lot of YA is but with some sexual bits and an abundance of swearing. I'd have loved it as a teen. As an adult I'm less forgiving but I wouldn't be upset if bookclub wanted to pick up the second one.

What Moves the Dead by T. Kingfisher: Oh I loved this. It's based on the Fall of The House of Usher but I read this one first and I think it's better. It was so much fun. The nonbinary swag of the main character charmed me in a way I've never been charmed before. My heart flutters just to think of them. Insane.

The Creeper by AM Shine: This one was fun but nowhere near as good as the Watchers. This one relied on some of those tropes in horror that tilt into ableism, and heavily used body horror in a way that just wasn't fun for me. The main guy was such a wet noodle of a man which was funny enough. But it was a good enough read I'm still looking forward from more of this author.

Other things I've "read"

I dunno if I mentioned this one before because I annotated a copy as a gift but I read The Turn of the Screw and I really enjoyed it- which I didn't expect because I hated the last thing I read by Henry James but it was just so good. I can see why it was a classic and good lord what was that ending?

My fiance has been reading me the Chronicles of Narnia before bed some nights and we finished The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe and started the next one.

I finished the Dracula Daily podcast. Which means I kinda finished Dracula again. Looking forward to their Carmilla. Also been doing the Around the World in 80 Days Hourly one and god I love it so much I didn't realize how much of a master of words Verne was. Eagerly looking forward to more.

And lastly short stories!

Some Other Animal's Meat by Emily Carroll: we read this because we enjoyed Del Toro's Cabinet of Curiosities but ended up enjoying the episode much more than the comic

Pickman's Model by HP Lovecraft was a hard pill to swallow because we did genuinely enjoy it. Thankfully we followed it up with Dreams of the Witch House which was a total snooze.

The Lonely Inukshuk was a short story from my childhood we revisited.

Looking Back by Guy De Maupassant: was one I enjoyed but Luke didn't. It had this dull kind of sorrow that to me didn't feel mean but did to him.

The Man Higher Up by O.Henry: we both really liked.

The Summer of the Beautiful White Horse by William Sayoran was a good one for me but Luke loved it.

The Other Two by Edith Wharton felt like a real nothin burger to us.

Theft by Katherine Anne Porter left us both bitter at the author

A Good Man is Hard to Find by Flannery O'Connor was one I remembered from school so I expected it to be mid so I ended up being almost mad that it was so good and I liked it so much.

The Man of the House by Frank O'Connor had me worried that we were going to punish our protagonist but it ended up being quite fair in the end and we both enjoyed it.

The Man Who Shot Snapping Turtles by Edmund Wilson wasn't good.

The Gioconda Smile by Aldous Huxley was okay I guess but neither of us would revisit it. It felt very trite and overdone but we weren't sure if that's because our opinions were tainted by media that came after it.

The Curfew Tolls by Stephan Vincent Benet might've been good if I liked war stories or knew anything about Napoleon but alas.

Father Wakes Up the Village by Clarence Day listen- was it a bad standard of masculinity to set? perhaps. but he was a fun guy. I liked it well enough.

Ivy Day in the Committee Room by James Joyce: Unlike The Curfew Tolls I didn't feel like learning what I needed to know to understand this story was a chore and once I had I think I felt it was an important enough story to tell that I liked this story even though I didn't get it on my first pass. However I don't think I'd read it again.

The Chrysanthemums by John Steinbeck: I hate hate hated this one.

The Door by E B White: I think this one was jarring on first parse but I landed on it being ok... but I didn't get anywhere near as much from it as Luke did.

All You Zombies by Robert A Heinlein: Hey I didn't expect to like this one but actually it was pretty great. I think the places where it could've been bad it was vague enough to at least skirt the issue and was a genuinely fun bit of timeloop media. I don't like the title however.

The Fall of the House of Usher by Edgar Allan Poe: Genuinely a shock. The first time I've felt so let down by Poe. I didn't like this one at all and I think Kingfisher did the story better, frankly it was a nothin burger.

PHEW. Ok that's it. Now we're caught up.

I started putting them off because I got behind but I *really* want to finish it for the whole year. So better late than never, right?

Update to this post: tinx-reads-2023

Books I've read since last time:

K.A. Applegate: The Change, The Unknown, The Escape, The Warning, The Underground, The Decision, Megamorphs 2: In the Time of the Dinosaurs, The Andalite Chronicles, The Hork-Bajir Chronicles, The Departure, The Discovery, The Threat, The Solution, The Pretender, The Suspicion, and The Extreme. GOD she does Aliens SO WELL. I care about her Aliens SO MUCH argh. I didn't think I would like the Andalite or Hork-Bajir Chronicles at all but now they're all I can think about ahhhh!!!

Hide by Kiersten White wasn't super good... it felt kinda like the author was trying to rub her own back and the novel wasn't as exciting as I'd hoped.

The Legend of Beacon Swamp by Jacob Peyton had it's moments where it could have been interesting but it was so poorly written that any joy you could still derive from it vanished into the murk.

All Systems Red by Martha Wells was the STAND OUT FAVE from this group of books. All my homies love Murderbot.

Even Though I Knew the End by C.L. Polk wasn't bad and would've been more enjoyable if I'd just read it for what it was but I was thinking about some of the weirdness in the world building the whole time. I think the angels in this universe are evil and also the main character is kinda really bad.

Consequences by Aleatha Romig was pitched to me as erotica. Which it wasn't. Tried to make me think it was romance. Which is wasn't. And then the ending would've been good and interesting if the entire book hadn't been wayyyy too fuckin' long.

A Curious Beginning by Deanna Raybourn was a bookclub book that became a real slog. The main character was smug and mean and I really hated the twist in this book. I thought the author was English but it turned out she was from Texas which really shook me though.

Deadly Kiss by Ariel Marie was the first one in a romance series about lesbian vampire princesses. It was alright, but felt a little confused at times. I think I might take a look at the second one in the series though... it was charming and had some decent erotica.

As for Short Stories...

Kakekomi Uttae by Dazai Osamu was super interesting because I read No Longer Human last year and felt like this piece had SO much of the author's personal voice in the place of Judas.

Graveyard Rats by Henry Kutner which I read cause I'm hunting down the short stories from Del Toro's Cabinet of Curiosities with a friend. Neither of us thought this was very good, however. We both preferred the netflix adaption.

The Autopsy by Michael Shea was fantastic. I enjoyed this one a bunch. I ended up going through the episode again because of it and I love the changes that were made from the text but for me the text had sooo much more to offer with little details in mannerisms. Plus some of the thoughts about death as a personification just really worked for me. I liked this one a lot.

[actualfand0mtrash]

Time for my almost midnight aftg au idea that I am thinking about cause sleep is for the weak and I’m close to having a mental breakdown and on the verge of tears for no reason (sorry for the tmi)

Alright so in this au instead of them meeting by being foxes, they are all, or have been in one point in foster care and been taken care of by either Wymack or Abby. Wymack and Abby run a boys and a girls home, that are separate by intermingle a lot.

Andrew and Aaron end up being taken in by Nicky, but stay in contact with the boys home, as support for Nicky, as he’s very young and Andrew and Aaron aren’t exactly easy to take care of. Kevin ends up in the home after his mom dies, and it takes a while for him to figure out that Wymack is his bio dad, in a very dramatic reveal. The girls live with Abby, with renee eventually being adopted by Stephanie Walker; and like the twins stays in contact with the homes.

Neil is squatting in some empty houses like the beginning of the first book, but goes to school with the the foxes, where they regularly invite him round and he ends up being unofficially fostered there.

If I wanted to make it angsty, maybe he finds out Nathan is getting close to his location, so he runs without telling anyone, only to show up a year later during dinner covered in bandages and asking if the spare room is still open.

I got inspired by a fic similar to this over a year ago, and if anyone can find it, lemme know cause I wanna reread it but alas I lost it :’((

[sendme-2hell]

Rating the Books I read after Gideon the Ninth (in order) by how well they made me forget my Gideon the Ninth angst

I starred the ones that I actually recommend if you want something similar to gtn.

I was bored so I made this. Mostly just so I can look back at this and laugh at myself in a few months and remember what I’ve read. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - -

**Harrow the Ninth -Tamsyn Muir 

Summary: A depressed girl has to navigate murder attempts by both the mom and the dad of her dead ex-girlfriend who she can’t remember. She tries to make soup and writes fanfic to cope. 

How well it helped me forget: -100/10 but also 10/10 

Rating explanation: This one gets a 10/10 because it did make me feel better about a *particular* GTN plotpoint which I was very angsty about, but tragically it did make me more feral. After reading it I reread both books so I don’t think it helped me forget my angst. 

Similar themes to GTN: all of it, plus more memes 

I Want to Be Where The Normal People Are - Rachel Bloom 

Summary: Rachel Bloom who wrote the world’s most relatable song: “You Stupid Bitch,” and starred/created in Crazy Ex Girlfriend, writes about having anxiety, feeling like she’s not normal, and Harry Potter fanfic.

How well it helped me forget: 8/10

Rating explanation: For a few minutes I actually did forget about my griddlehark angst while I learned more about Bloom’s life and laughed at the painful relatability of it all. 

Similar themes to TLT: ummm depression, feeling very out of place, memes

Fingersmith - Sarah Waters

Summary: The book The Handmaiden was based on. A girl is sent to become a Lady’s handmaiden to con her out of some money. She falls in love. Many plot twists. 

How well it helped me forget: 5/10

Rating explanation: I was sadly still thinking about TLT the whole time I read this. I liked it but I actually like the Handmaiden better because the women spend more time together. Like in this book, I wish that Harrow and Gideon could spend more time together. 

Similar themes: wlw enemies to lovers, at some point you realize the main character’s love interest understands what’s going on way more than the main character

Kindred - Octavia Butler 

Summary: Very dark book about slave narratives. I cannot make a joke here, but this book is excellent. 

How well it helped me forget: 10/10 

Rating explanation: Again, I can’t make a joke. But Octavia Butler is amazing. 

Ash - Malinda Lo 

Summary: A wlw retelling of Cinderella with fairies and an emphasis on stories 

How well it helped me forget:7/10

Rating explanation: This was really quick and fun and I definitely was rooting for the lesbians. Also it was nice it had a happy ending! If you liked Crier’s War (which I did), this was clearly an influence for Nina Varela. 

Similar themes: wlw, the magic one + the fighting one dynamic

Station Eleven - Emily St. John Mandel

Summary: A deadly pandemic wipes out so many people that the world spins into chaos and no one can figure out how to use electricity apparently? But the book is really about fame and wanting to be remembered. Go figure.

How well it helped me forget: -10/10 

Rating explanation: Ok that’s not fair. It helped me forget about Gideon and Harrow but it did NOT help me forget about Corona. It was technically good and a lot of people I respect love it, but either because I was still thinking about TLT or because it was about a pandemic, I couldn’t really enjoy it. 

Similar themes: post-apocalyptic 

Red, White & Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston 

Summary: The Prince of England and The son of the president of the US are enemies. They are definitely enemies.

How well it helped me forget: 6/10

Rating explanation: This was such a fun read that it almost distracted me! Tragically I was in such TLT headspace that I kept pausing to read fanfics where Gideon and Harrow switch eyes. 

Similar themes: Enemies to lovers, queer

Troubling Love - Elena Ferrante 

Summary: In true Elena Ferrante fashion, an event spurs an Italian woman to do a lot of internal processing and have some flashbacks. 

How well it helped me forget: 7/10

Rating explanation: This book was a bit disturbing so it distracted me in that way. Plus I love Elena Ferrante’s writing so much that it felt like coming home to an old friend. Unfortunately for me, this is Elena Ferrante’s least queer book. I know because I have now read them all. Her most queer book, The Lying Life of Adults, would have distracted me better. Also just using this space to tell anyone who’s still reading this (probably no one) to go read My Brilliant Friend (and the corresponding Neopolitan Novels). They are not similar to TLT except they are vaguely queer and about competitive friendships where the girls are obsessed with each other in maybe an unhealthy way. Ok so a bit similar. Genuinely my favorite books ever. 

Similar themes: mommy issues, daddy issues, childhood trauma

On This Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous -Ocean Vuong

Summary: A Vietnamese immigrant reflects on his mother, grandmother, and his own life experience in the US. It is poetic and beautiful and will make you cry. 

How well it helped me forget: 10/10

Rating explanation: This book is beautiful. It really changes how you think about the US. Plus really interesting stuff about the western way of telling stories. Cannot recommend it enough, though very little to do with TLT. 

Similar themes: queer, stuff about language, childhood trauma, you will cry

**The Priory of the Orange Tree - Samantha Shannon 

Summary: OK sorry none of those were good suggestions for what to read after GTN. THIS is what you should read after GTN. It is an incredibly slow burn wlw enemies to lovers. There are dragons, there is magic, there are very cool female characters who I am in love with. This is like Game of Thrones but if it was good, queer, and only one 800 page book. 

How well it helped me forget: 10/10

Rating explanation: Enemies to lovers!!!! What more do I have to say? Also very cool world-building, interesting religious themes. 

Similar themes: wlw enemies to lovers, religious themes, magic, very old wizard milfs, also mlm

*The Traitor Baru Cormorant 

Summary: Baru is a very smart girl in a colonized island. She decides she will play the game of the colonizers, rise up in their society, and destroy them from within. How is that going, Baru? 

How well it helped me forget: 100/10

Rating explanation: This DID make me forget TLT. The only book to truly make me. It made me forget so badly that I wanted my Griddlehark angst BACK. GIVE ME IT BACK I don’t wanna feel sad about Baru anymore. I cannot recommend it more, it is so good, but it did make me ugly cry. It also made me majorly depressed about colonization and the state of the world. 

Similar themes: wlw enemies to lovers, ending will make you cry

*The Monster Baru Cormorant - Seth Dickinson 

Summary: Baru is depressed, has brain damage, throws up a lot, is sad about (redacted), does some things without remembering them because there’s something going on in her brain. Sound familiar? It’s kinda like Harrow the Ninth but more depressing. Oh also a lot of new characters are introduced, old characters come back, a lot of setup for the next book. Euler’s identity shows up out of nowhere?! 

How well it helped me forget: 10/10

Rating explanation: Again, it made me forget but only because I was so engrossed in this story. Also kinda depressed. This book is kinda depressing. But Baru is very fun to be around, and there are some other great characters. Marry me, Yawa. 

Similar themes: again, this is just harrow the ninth on steroids, I am in love with every single woman in this series

*The Tyrant Baru Cormorant - Seth Dickinson 

Summary: Baru makes a new bestie, reunites with an old bestie, and discovers a dead bestie in her brain!

How well it helped me forget: 1000/10

Rating explanation: I loved this book. There were a few scenes I reread >four times. This book makes the other books in the series worth it. 

Similar themes: please see my venn diagram comparing tlt, baru, and A memory called empire for more information

*The Ninth House - Leigh Bardugo 

Summary: A girl has seen ghosts her whole life and because of that, gets accepted at Yale even though she didn’t finish high school. Yale is like a hotspot for ghosts I guess. It’s dark academia, the girl has a secret, the narrator is pretty funny.

How well it helped me forget: 6/10

Rating explanation: I was trying to get distracted from TLT (and Baru at this point), but it’s hard to forget about Harrow and Gideon in a book called The Ninth House (hello?). It was enjoyable and there was some good humor. I’m curious about the next book in the series when it comes out. It is not wlw unless you squint (which I do). 

Similar themes: debatably wlw body posession, nine houses, the ninth one being important, nerd boy who reminds me of pal, woman is revealed to be MUCH older than I originally thought, soul eating, revenants, tombs, necromancy, character named Mercy

The Bone Season - Samantha Shannon 

Summary: It’s the future and London is a hotspot for clairvoyants. Paige is a woman who has a special gift and can jump into people’s bodies and possess them briefly (among other things, this is a terrible explanation). Because of this, she is sent to a secret part of the city where clairvoyants are trained to be monster fighters (but also like, kept there in captivity against their will). Unlike every other book on this list I honestly wouldn’t recommend. I know there are other books in the series. If you’ve read on and it gets better let me know. (I know no one has gotten this far reading this but still)

How well it helped me forget: 4/10

Rating explanation: This one was disappointing because I loved Priory of the Orange Tree so much. This book did not distract me from my griddlehark or barhu feels. There’s also a character named Warden so I thought about SexPal a lot. 

Similar themes: enemies to lovers, ghosts, possession, queer but only background characters 

****The Unspoken Name - A.K. Larkwood 

Summary: A girl is in an isolated cult that wants her to die as a sacrifice (sound familiar?). A definitely not evil wizard helps her escape. She meets a cute necromancer who’s also kinda from a cult. She goes on some gay adventures, gets the help of a morally grey older necromancer (who I’m in love with), and fights with her frenemy. 

How well it helped me forget: 10/10

Rating explanation: This is the most similar to TLT on this list. Gideon and Csorwe would be friends. Seriously I recommend this! And the second book comes out soon! And it’s not sad like TLT or Baru! 

Similar themes: sword lesbian + necromancer dynamic, wlw enemies to lovers, cults, tombs, necromancy, character named “the sleeper”, also mlm

The Invisible Life of Addie Larue - V. E. Schwab 

Summary: Adeline Larue made a deal with a demon in 1714 France, because she wanted to see the world and stuff. It backfires of course. She is immortal but no one remembers her. This causes all sorts of problems and makes her very angsty. The narrative flashes between her going through the years, and her falling in love with the only person who will remember her. 

How well it helped me forget: 2/10

Rating explanation: I know people loved this book but I did not. I liked the last 50 pages, I’ll give it that. I wish it was more queer (it was a little queer). 

Similar themes: as I said, a little wlw, immortality, demons, I guess falling in love with someone and them not remembering you now that I think about it 

Sula - Toni Morrison 

Summary: A story about two black women in the 1920’s-1960’s in an Ohio town. It is really great and interesting. It is a book about complicated female friendships (among so many other things that better writers not writing a list no one will read about their TLT feels have outlined) which I love. I was told I should read this after the Neapolitan Novels by Elena Ferrante and it did not disappoint. Same vibes. 

How well it helped me forget: 10/10

Rating explanation: This was just a great book. Has really nothing to do with TLT

Similar themes: debatably queer 

*Murderbot Diaries: All Systems Red, Artificial Condition, Rogue Protocol, Exit Strategy, Network Effect,  - Martha Wells

Summary: Muderbot is an artificial construct who just wants to be left alone to watch tv, damnit! It doesn’t want to interact with humans, and it definitely does not want to talk about feelings. Too bad some humans want to become friends with it.

How well it helped me forget: 10/10

Rating explanation: These books were so good. They did help me forget! The books are really about having anxiety, making friends, and letting yourself have feelings. Also they are SO FUNNY. Highly recommend. In the way that I love Gideon’s POV, I love Murderbot’s POV

Similar themes: funny narrator, queer characters, space, people who don’t want to deal with their feelings being forced to deal with their feelings

*A Memory Called Empire - Arkady Martine 

Summary: Mahit is sent a dangerous, evil empire to be an ambassador. Lots of beautiful writing about colonialism, assimilation, language, and culture.There is gay angst and funny characters. I am once again in love with a morally grey older woman character. 

How well it helped me forget: 10/10

Rating explanation: Yes this book is great and did distract me from gtn (mostly. I did end up reading a great fanfic about wake, g1deon, and pyrrah in the middle but otherwise...). It is part of my holy trilogy of wlw books (this, baru, tlt) that I just read recently. The next book comes out on March 2nd so it will be a good distraction from waiting for Alecto. Like Baru, it made me feel like shit about colonialism but unlike the other two books in my trilogy (redacted but if you’ve read those books you know) didn’t happen. It had a not too sad ending. 

Similar themes: see my venn diagram, but seriously what is going on with brain surgery in these books...

*The Luminous Dead - Cailtin Starling 9/10

Summary: A woman needs money and to get the money she goes on a risky cave dive. It turns out the only contact she has with the rest of the world is a woman who’s kinda a dick. It’s 400 pages of creepy cave diving and these two women talking to each other. It’s creepy and uncomfortable and I loved it. I did spend the whole book thinking it would be such a good story podcast.

How well it helped me forget: 10/10

Rating explanation: It did make me forget about tlt! There are some kinda boring parts but it pays off. The relationship between the two main characters is very interesting (though a bit fucked up). 

Similar themes: wlw enemies to lovers, traumatised characters, shitty moms