#i reread the books and BOY am i angsty about it

[butcharondir]

hunted by the narrative

hares on the mountain, traditional folk song // art by jen mazza

sparrow for a heart, abigal lappell // art by barbara bokoto-tomala

newcastle, traditional folk song // artist unknown

if i was a painter, lisa o'neill // art by claudia barbu

ashamed, deer tick // art by nicolas samori

i wish my baby was born, traditional folk song // artist unknown

hard wired, shakey graves // art by miles johnston

[i-like-gay-books]

someone tell me what the fuck to do now i just finished dark heir and i need to scream and flail around but its 1am and i have a 9am class tomorrow like bruhhhhh

[melodramaticatheart]

Falling to Pieces - Paedyn Gray x Kai Azer

Kai and Pae have made there way back to Ilyia, Kai now being a visitor for the night at Paedyn's fort.

Pairing: Kai Azer and Paedyn Gray Word Count: 1.2k Book: Powerless Author's Note: first time writing my babies ahhh ! this was a request by @nuncscioquidsitamor-14, which has been in my inbox for a couple weeks but now that i'm rereading powerless i felt inspired to finish it! also this was originally fluff but i'm not sure how it ended up being so angsty Taglist: @reminiscentreader, @flowers-for-em, @nqds, @art-of-fools, @lxvebelle

My breath was coming up short, pain shooting up my legs from holding my weight in the chimney now I had six sticky buns hidden in my pockets, honey oozing through the fabric. I plant my feet on the ground with a soft thud. Running down dark alleys until I find the familiar white house, well what was left of it. “Y’know I could arrest you for that.” “You could try, but we both know I'd escape” I cock my head to the side looking at Kai leaning against a street light, “So you going to hand me one or am I gonna have to steal it from you? Gray Style.” He asks, pushing himself off the pole, a shadow you’d miss if you weren’t looking. The night's darkness seemed to engulf him, only making parts of his smirk visible to me. “Here you go” I say plopping the sticky mess into his hand “But I must warn you they might not live up to Gale’s” “I don’t doubt it.” I smack his arm lightly making my way down the empty street, the stars glisten on the big canvas we call the sky helping light the slums “So…” Kai stumbled alongside me dumping a chunk of bun into his mouth “Where are we staying tonight?��� “We?” I look at him skeptically, “Let me remind you down this road there’s a gold pristine palace waiting for you, with a nice big bed, and a table full of food.” I move my hand around and soften my voice to add awe to my words. He can probably hear the bitterness behind my words but doesn’t acknowledge them. “It’s funny you think I'd leave you alone, after losing you for a month.” He crossed his arm, walking backwards looking at me with a crooked grin, a dimple appearing on his right. I roll my eyes, giving in. “Come on, I'll take you to the fort.” “”The fort” sounds exciting.” He cocks his head, giving me a tight smile and turning his front back to the street.

With tight lips I make my way down the familiar alley, my stomach lurching. I hadn’t had time to return after… my thoughts caught off not allowing myself to think of the blood, the crooked fingers, the moans of pain. I stumble towards a wall staring at the small corner of the alley filled with rugged blankets and old discarded fabrics, I begin to mindlessly spin my father’s finger on my thumb. “This is home” I whisper, my lips trembling at the sight. Now that I’m closer I can make out the last bits of fabric I’d stolen for Adena before leaving for the trial. Anger bubbled up inside me, everything about this stupid kingdom has made innocent people suffer, and I was going to get them back. My hands instinctively turned to fists, the anger pooling in my gut. Kai grunted, bringing my attention to the boy who was now rubbing his neck, absentmindedly nodding his head as he slumped against the wall on the other side of the alley staring at the barricades of the place I'd grown to call home.

I went and sat next to him, not having enough courage to sit in the fort. Slowly I pulled out the sticky buns I’d stolen an hour ago, “these were her favorite'' I whisper, a look of understanding crossing his face, he quietly took the bun and threw a piece into his mouth chewing it for a few seconds as i started to nibble mine still not used to food in my stomach after so much time in the scorches. “These may not be Gale’s but they definitely come in a close second” I chuckle silently but It’s just to fill the silence. I throw my head back resting it against the wall, sighing the anger melts taking over me like a honey does a sticky bun. “I can’t do this” I breathe out, getting on my feet unsteadily. I start walking down the narrow lane ignoring the sound of Kai getting on his feet behind me “Hey, where are you going?” I hear him ask as he reaches me softly, turning me around so I can face him. “You okay, Gray?” His eyes turn 10 shades of sincere as he studies my face for an answer. I try to get out of his grip calling him enforcer just to anger him but he just stays silent not reacting to the title. “Just leave me alone Azer” I say finally getting out of his grip, almost making it out of the aisle before he calls out from behind me “Did I do something?” He asks, confused on why I'm acting this way. He doesn’t get it. He’s seen where I’ve spent the last five years sleeping and not even a little bit of sympathy from him. Even his brother could manage some when he saw the slums. No, what am I saying? I don't want his sympathy. What I want is to get him back. 

I scoff, loud enough he can hear me,  turning around stalking towards him. I point my finger at his chest, not being able to contain my anger any longer. “Are you seriously going to ask me here of all places if you did something?! Look Where we are your royal highness, we’re in the place I called home, a collection of blankets and fabric i’ve had to sleep in for five god damn years.” My tongue tastes bitter as I use his royal title. I resent him at this moment. “Do you know how hard it was? Huh?! Do you know, Kai? Having to sleep on the floor, only getting to eat on lucky days, getting whipped by your stupid guards just cause they felt they needed to teach a lesson towards a starving child!” I throw my hands to my hair letting my fingers dig into my scalp. I take a breath letting it fill my lungs “The only person I had, the girl I called my sister, the person I could trust with anything, I didn’t need to lie my way for her to call me a friend.” A sob broke through me, grief filling my insides. “She was all I had and your stupid kingdom, your stupid family took her away” I look at him dead in the eye as I finish “and you, you started all of it, you killed my father the only place of comfort I ever knew and you killed him right in front of me” I slowly crumble to my knees years of pent up grief releasing. The sobs come out heavy and sloppy as my heart starts to seize, I must look pathetic. The thought crosses my head causing a small laugh to leave the body of my lips. I suddenly feel fingers treading through my hair, his left arm wrapping around my waist. “I hate you!” I scream out, pounding my fists in his chest, he only pulls me closer “Hate me Pae. Hate me all you want.” He whispers into my hair, his hold loosening on me as my hits get softer, “It should’ve been me” I sob into his chest, my energy giving out, pain the size of my heart searing across my chest, my sobs growing quieter as the night gets colder.

[mostlyvoid-partiallyflowers]

Okay I just speedran The Sunshine Court in like 12 hours. I will be rereading it soonly and giving more coherent thoughts but here’s my main takeaways:

- Thought #1: Holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck this book exists. I am on the floor I’m so fucking excited.

Spoilers below the cut

- I absolutely love that we get both Jean and Jeremy POVs. It’s great especially because Jean is an oblivious and traumatized and if we just see things through his eyes we would never get to see Jeremy PINING like an absolute icon. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, it’s about the pining, the waiting, the yearning. I’m simple man, I like my books gay, angsty, and with tension you could cut with a knife. This delivers on all accounts.

- I love getting to see the end of tkm from Jean’s perspective. Getting to see him watch the Foxes v Ravens game was incredible. I’m a very big fan.

- Renee and Jean time! Renee giving Jean her cross necklace. I’m in tears, I’m dead, I’m on the floor. It’s not the right time for us 😭. Excuse me? I’m unwell.

- Kevin Day, queen of my heart! Getting to see how someone other than Neil canonically sees Kevin is an absolute treat for me. Jean’s weakness for beautiful men has become known. Me too Jean, me too.

- Jeremy, light of my life, I can’t believe you’re rich. At least your family sucks because I don’t think I could take it if your family was wealthy and nice.

- Jeremy + Jean meeting for the first time. Jeremy trying and failing to play with a yo-yo. I’d die for you. They are ADHD 🤝 Autism solidarity me thinks.

- Montana has a pro Exy team which is not at all plausible but I’ll let it slide because one Montana mention for the win and two the team is called the Rustics which is absolutely what we’d call a pro sports team if we had one. The only reason Montanan’s at large would commit to indoor lacrosse is that Kayleigh Day was Irish and so solidarity.

- Laila and Cat, my beloveds. The description of their apartment has me yearning for the same. They have a bay window with a window seat okay. That’s like in my top three desires for a home.

- Carboard cutout dog with a classic Nora pet name. I’ll love Mister B forever. I love how Jeremy keeps moving him around. I love how Jean hates it.

- Trans characters! Poly characters! Nonbinary characters! Nora, my birthday has come a little late but damn this was a gift!

- I am absolutely pronouncing Jean wrong in my head probably 70% of the time.

- I’m so fucking angry at the Ravens. My blood is boiling and I want to cry. Jean deserved better, Kevin deserved better, Riko deserved better. All the Ravens deserved better. I want to put Tetsugi Moriyama into a blender and feed him to the crows.

- Jean was 16. I’m absolutely incandescent with rage.

- Jeremy is so patient with Jean and I will forever love him for that.

- This book was a lot shorter time frame than I was expecting, mainly because I keep forgetting there’s going to be another one.

- The food control but is driving me crazy. It makes me so fucking mad. Let my boy eat. I want him to be happy.

- Jeremy has seen Jean looking 👀 ummmmmm hello? “More exclusively than you do, I think.” I’m on the floor.

- Laila buying Jean a sex toy?!? Oh my god. What would she even get him? I feel like he deserves a vibrating cock ring or something fun like that. That way service top™️ Jeremy Knox can use it on him when they finally get together.

- I love seeing Neil from Jean’s perspective. It’s funny how different he is from my perspective and Jean’s/everyone else’s. I’ve spent so much time thinking about him from Andrew’s pov that it’s weird seeing him through anyone else’s. Everyone is like this scrappy irritating son of bitch is gonna get what’s coming to him, and Andrew is like, well I can’t not fuck him.

- The second Jean mentions Drake to Neil. And then Neil immediately calls a hit out on Gr@yson. Neil, you will always be famous to me.

- Jean-Yves! I hope he starts using his full name again at some point.

- Elodie :(((((( I can imagine what Jean’s going through and I am so afraid for him. If he keeps pushing all these feelings down he’s going to break sooner or later, but probably sooner.

- Jeremy’s unconditional support of Jean has my whole heart. Jean has friends now. I’m crying.

[consistentsquash]

2023 HP Slash Fic Recs (January to August)

My favorite slash fics written in 2023! Full disclosure everything is Snarry except one fic which is Sirius/Albus + Snape/Albus.

In the Margins of What We Know by Malora (January)

Snarry, 27700 words, epistolary fic

Snarry doesn't really get a lot of epistolary fic. So when I saw this one I was super excited. Love it. Really creative fic with a lot of scope/worldbuilding without a lot of words.

Magic and Botany: The Bamboo Forest of Li Xian (book excerpt) A bamboo forest is unusual compared to other forests in that its growth happens beneath the surface. The Bamboo Forest of Li Xian, in fact, could be considered one organism. There is a single root system for the entire forest. Two shoots of bamboo, seemingly distant, can be connected in ways that are not easily seen.

Check out the rest of the Snarry Adopt A Prompt Fest 2022.

  This Mirrored Perspective by @likelightinglass and zalil (February)

Snape/Harry/Tonks, 8000 words, PWP, Dirty bad hot wrong

Ok this is my OT3 and I don't really take questions. But this is my OT3 because of Likelightinglass writing An auror, a professor and a potioneer walk into a bar. This fic has a totally different vibe! It's intense, psychological, dirtybadhotwrong porn with peak self-indulgence. Definitely NSFW.

That nagging sense that he didn't deserve it.

  Night Skye by @titconao3 (March)

Snarry, 11500 words, OTP comfort food fic

Heartwarming OTP fic! It's the best Snarry comfort food fic I read this year. Good vibes, sexy high chemistry, loving/intimate feels, brilliantly characterized, beautiful settings.

“One day…” He shakes his head and looks up at Harry, his eyes like coal. “Today,” Harry says. “Today, Severus; that’s what matters.” This is how, finally, Harry gets Severus to agree.

  Coda to "Soft Touch" by @perverse-idyll (April)

Snarry, 3,300 words, Soft

Have recced before. Will rec again. Because everybody needs to read it for the soft tender vibes. Not really soft. But compared to the intense angsty fic this is a coda for, I feel like it's optimistic and soft and I just feel so happy for my OTP.

"Can a man not toss off in the privacy of his own room without being accused of sabotaging his bloody health? If you can't trust that I have a vested interest in my own recovery - "

Snape spotted Harry, and a flush raced from his collar up to his hairline, exquisitely pink beneath his unnaturally smooth skin. But although he swallowed his tirade, Snape didn't seem particularly put out by having practically shouted his masturbatory claims to the entire office.

Check out Soft Touch the perfect dysfunctional/dirtybadhotwrong massage fic which inspired this coda!

  Devotion by @danpuff-ao3 (May)

Snarry, 27000 words. Intense/dirty bad/hot/wrong.

Exactly what I want from my Snarry! Honestly Danpuff is bringing the oldschool vibes of Snarry back with a bang in their fics every single time and I am just super spoiled now. Snarry forever :D Also love to see Danpuff going into longer fics this year!

Though the worst crime of all is Potter’s. "Did you want to die?" Also The boy knows — he knows — he can take anything he wants. That bitter surrender is surrender all the same. That the force of Severus’ loathing is fed by his longing.

Pro tip - Read Contempt together with this fic. Check out other fics from Snarry-a-Thon 23

  Much Ado About Asmodeus by @ac1d6urn (June)

Snarry, 18100 words, Fluff

Fluff and crack! Really love the oldschool trope parody vibes of this fic. I actually haven't read something like this in a pretty long time. Going on my rereads! Also going on my holiday season reading list :D Also love to see Acid's insane prolific streak this year. I feel super spoiled as a reader! <3

Harry squinted against the rain and promptly attempted to expunge the phrase "Ventus Vultuosus, swish and flick when in a bind!" from his memory. Ugh. Curse you, Common Weather Weathering Spell #13! That'll be the last time I trust anything Witch Weekly puts out in fine print. (Except maybe that last fruitcake recipe.) Now that he thought about it, Auntie Annabelle's Advice Column on "Ten Ways of Bewitching and Beguiling Your Mr Right" didn't seem so reliable either, especially considering some of those later suggestions, and maybe even those in the middle too. Those were a bit wild.

  Promises, promises... by SerenaEW, @acydpop (July)

Snarry, 5000 words, Fluff

Aww!!! The Snarry Summer Fluff I was totally praying for and really needed! Perfect Snarry Bang opener for my reading <3 Also the art! <3

Severus was looking at him, telling him, with only a glance, to shut up before you say something utterly idiotic. The expression on Jamie's face looked nearly identical.

Check out the other fics from Snarry Bang 2023

  Brillig by eldritcher (August)

Dumbledore saying "You disgust me" to people in his life but also meaning "I disgust myself". The more he sees himself in the other person, the more disgusted he gets. Intense, intense beautiful fic. But also healing because he finally overcomes that.

He disgusts you. Ratty, bony, skulking, pleading, raging, raving, frightened of the shadows and frightened of the fog, frightened of you. "You did not save Lily!" he yells. "You did not save James!" he weeps. "You did not save me!" he whimpers, and huddles into himself and trembles as if the North Sea is in his very veins.

Also the math works out!!! Snape/Dumbledore + Sirius/Dumbledore = Snack by proxy actually.

Check out the rest of the spectacularly beautiful Frabjous which contains some of my all time favorite fics.

[crabbeychick]

People you'd like to get to know better

I was tagged by @igotsnothing, my shotgun rider. Always a pleasure and thanks for the yummy snacks! You can beep the horn next time we're out! Thank you, my friend! ❤️

last song: I've been listening to Ateez all evening while Sims surfing, so I'm not sure which one was the last one. I think it was Promise!

favorite color: Black (it's a power color) and light pink (yet I'm still a girly girl sometimes!)

currently watching: People Investigates and Law & Order. Love my crime shows!

last movie: Smile. Totally freaked me out!

currently reading: Rereading The Shining by Stephen King. I love allllll his books! Also reading some hot BL manga!

Sweet/spicy/savory: Not a big sweet person (I do crave it now and then but that's rare) and I do not like spicy, so I guess that leaves savory!

last thing I googled: Hmmm, I don't remember, it might have been a food list for the story I'm writing involving my two hot and angsty pretty boys for their Italian dinner night (and when I write is the ONLY time I like spicy, heheheh).

current obsession: I won't lie, BG3. I just started and I am reallllly looking forward to finding Haslin (I hope I got that right) so he can have his way with my lovely fighter! Asterion is more than welcome to as well.

currently working on: a lot of stuff! Painting decorations for Halloween, writing about my boys and their one-night stand turning into a full fledged relationship (even though one swears he's never going to date anyone - hah, silly boy!), and desperately trying to sort out my Sims CC folders so I can finally make my boys and post them on here!

I invite any of my very few followers to participate. It's fun!

I'm ready for a road trip anytime you are! <3

[susiephone]

So glad to see a fellow Tally/Shay shipper in the tag. Their relationship is just so good. Its such a gigantic mess. I felt so seen with my messy, queer, neurodivergent teenage female friendships, even if I needed until a reread two years ago until I acknowledged this this feels extremely queer and that is okay because I am queer too. Until then, all the female friendships I read were always just harmonic and nice and only ever threatened by boys, not these codependent, jealous messes.

The idea to center a YA dystopia around two girls who are deep friends with each other and maybe in love but are pitted against each other by the dystopian system (read: patriarchy, read: beauty culture) again and again is just absolutely amazing. I mean, there is a more traditional love triangle too, and its even well written enough to not drag down the series, unlike in most YA dystopias, but its not the center. At least not for me. For me, Tally and Shay are.

I could go on about them because I have thoughts (see: all the fanart and fics I have either already published or wait to publish until the trailer for the movie comes out), but the ask is already pretty long

first of all - i'm so sorry, i saw this message and fully intended to reply later that day i was like "oh i'll get to this after dinner!"

anyway! i was really struck by HOW different the love triangle in uglies is compared to other YA (especially YA dystopia). like the fact that tally doesn't definitively end up with either of them, and that neither boy turns evil (or at least antagonistic), and that both guys were good for her in their own way. but i especially loved that they both took a backseat to her friendship with shay, since that was by far the most interesting relationship in the whole thing

i'm cautiously optimistic about the movie (assuming it even happens). i personally think it'd work better as a series, but, well, after the shadow and bone debacle, i'm weary to trust any streaming service to actually follow through. i'm a bit worried about how mainstream actors who are all gorgeous anyway will be able to play the characters, and how they'll handle stuff like the specials' body modifications without looking silly (obviously there has to be an element of uncanny valley there, but i do worry it could look corny if they don't have a very good makeup artist).

i'm also VERY worried they'll make both tally and shay white. my personal hc is that tally is white and shay is asian, but tally could be any ethnicity, and shay was imo pretty clearly a woman of color. though i wouldn't be surprised if the movie cuts the parts that indicate that the pretty committee's standards are super racist- i wouldn't be surprised if they cut the themes of self-harm, too. (though tbh i'm of two minds about how that was portrayed in the books; i see what they were going for, but i do agree with some criticism i've seen that it could've been handled better.) any YA adaptation is bound to have some of its edge taken out. like the hunger games movies were pretty damn edgy in some aspects, but they're downright sanitized compared to the books.

one thing's for sure. if a movie happens and if they portray the tally/shay relationship at all competently, there will be an influx of shippers. i can see the angsty lyrics edits now.

[outeremissary]

9 People You'd Like to Get to Know Better

Tagged by @turbulentpumpkin43. Thanks for thinking of me! I know I haven't been around much (for reasons we don't need to get into), but truly nothing summons me faster than the email notification about a tag game where I know I'm going to have to say something horribly embarrassing about myself.

Three Ships: I mean, if we're counting stuff with OCs then obviously anyone following my knows Balthazar and Tristian (and the wonderful polycule with Vio) is my number one. Aside from that, the latest volume of Witch Hat has fully converted me into an Agott/Coco true believer. I actually did like the Coco/Tarteh vibe but Agott's special brand of slowly changing rival just has me by the throat. Aside from that? Ummm. Elliot and Leo from Pandora Hearts? Does that count? I did my full reread of Pandora Hearts while afk in September and those two have had me since like 2012 or 2013 or whenever they were introduced in the English release. But now that I'm older and more mature I can better appreciate what the messy later arcs had to give, and that's the beauty of a relationship between equals corrupted by a growing imbalance no one has the strength to acknowledge and devotion so deep it tears both of their lives apart. That's awesome. 11/10, everyone read Pandora Hearts and I'm not even joking

First Ever Ship: Gamers, back in early 2012 when I was in middle school and could only see images on the computer at school because searching for anything visual online was mega bad for rural internet, a friend of mine used a science classroom computer to discover you could find non-canon images of The Legend of Zelda if you searched terms like "Link blue" and scrolled down a couple rows. I distinctly remember this as the first ever time I really understood the concept of "fan art," and more importantly as my entry into fandom as we all began to realize many of these came from the same site: a place called "DeviantArt." Some of these contained such salacious and unthinkable things as two boys holding hands and blushing, and also both of those boys were Link. I was so captivated by these mysterious images that I followed them to their Four Swords Adventures manga RP fandom source, where I am not proud to say the first "ship" I adopted as such was Vio (Violet Link for people who spent their time doing better things at thirteen) and Shadow (Shadow Link, of course). That's right, everyone! It was edgy Link selfcest yaoi between a traitor and an angsty villain all the way down!!! And you know what? When I write that I don't think my taste has changed. Except the selfcest. Mostly.

The other, more respectable first ship I remember not long after that was Ulquihime. What can I say, there's just something about the Stockholm syndrome of it all.

Last Song: No title - REOL. Narrowly missed this being edgy early Vocaloid. I've been revisiting old favorites recently.

Last Movie: I'm pretty sure it was Surf's Up. For whatever reason my friend decided we should rewatch it when I visited him a few weeks ago. Holds up better than it should, but I've rewatched it twice in little over a year and truly that is my Surf's Up limit. That trip was also when my friend forced me to watch Barbie and the D&D movie. Look at me catching up on relevant pop culture only for fucking Surf's Up to be what made this list.

Currently Reading: I'm pretty sure this came up last time, but because I haven't gotten started on a better book since then I'm unfortunately still periodically chipping at The Thousand Deaths of Ardor Benn. This book fucking sucks. Don't read it. If we could manga and stories that are actually good I recently did a Witch Hat Atelier reread after getting volume 11!!! That volume is. So painfully personal.

Currently Watching: Cyberpunk: Edgerunners and Jujutsu Kaisen season 2. JJK is with my friend for weekly hangout, but Edgerunners is a solo endeavor because it was bumming him out way too much. Good show though. Also JJK was way more of a bummer than expected in ways that caught me off guard??? I'm not getting over what happened to that girl, I really got fucking got by that scene. Jesus

Currently Consuming: Nothing. Just finished dinner, where I had a chicken sandwich and fries. I need groceries. It's dire.

Currently Craving: doing something creative, but that would require moving the giant zine pile on my chair........ this is how I'm procrastinating

I'm sorry, but I'm actually not tagging anyone on this tonight! I haven't been on enough lately to know who has or hasn't done it, and frankly I'm not ready to be back on Tumblr enough to map that out. If you're seeing this and want to do it, please go ahead and do it. Tag me like I tagged you, we are collaborators in this and I want to see what you say.

[dailyscottficrec]

Oct 16, 2022

Today, something a little special for @spikeface

the boy who swallowed the earth by spikeface

Author summary:

Theo tries to take care of Scott after both of them are hit with a rare strain of wolfsbane that causes hallucinations of the past.

Reasons to love the fic:

From @scribeoffate: Every line in this fic is so meticulously crafted to have such a stunning emotional impact. Even if you're not a Theo or Sceo fan, I would highly, highly recommend this for craft alone. And if you are? It's even better. There's good reason for the keysmash reviews <3. adjajkdjkefaldd barely begins to sum it up.

From @allyjostan: I'm still reading the fic, and I very enjoy the experience of being immersed in the way spike wrote, the feelings and vibes in their sentences and the pace. Thank them very much for this wonderful wonderful fic!

From @scintalla: It is SUCH AN INCREDIBLE FIC!!! The prose is out of the world, it understands Scott and Theo better than canon itself. And I'd quote my favourite parts but the entire fic is so good I can't even choose.

From @rhyslahey: that fic in particular is the one story that really made me reconsider my position on Theo. He's still evil in my books, but I am ready to give him a second chance

From @momentofmemory: I think I've read this fic a dozen times by now and I'm sure I'll read it a dozen more. The angst, h/c, and character exploration are enthralling, and you can tell just how much care and thought spike put into every sentence. Theo's backstory is neatly woven into the present-day and builds on the Theo we see in canon so perfectly, and similarly the lines from canon that give the reader hints at what Scott's flashbacks might be are !!! to me. This is the The sceo fic to my mind, and I love it so deeply.

From @letthestorieslive: For the (re)rec spike's fic, does a keymash count as a sentence Because i'm still at the beginning and probably won't have time to finish it, but i'm already kjnbshdgcvxb about it

From @domesticated-feral: its so packed full of little details and intricacies, it's like biting into a burrito made by the hands of a loved one. I loved how the present and the flashbacks weaved in and out one another, the subtle tension building as the story went on which had me holding my breath toward the end of the fic. And most importantly a fic that leaves me needing to let it soak into every single cell of my body is one reason why i love this fic!

From @princeescaluswords: the boy who swallowed the earth manages to weave the complexities of Theo and Scott as individual characters together into a fully realized relationship without having to excise any of the sticky plot realities. Spikeface manages to keep the story suspenseful, romantic, and psychologically insightful all at the same time.

From @a-lil-bi-furious: my thoughts are mostly incoherent sbecause I read the fic and I’ve been !!!!!!! <internal screaming> 😍 ever since!

Spike’s prose is incredible, their characterization is immaculate, and the way the theme of the ouroboros is weaves all throughout the story is so pleasing—it even creates one itself! Sceo relationship is rich and delightfully angsty <3 suffice to say I loved the fic with my whole heart, I WILL be returning to reread, and *everyone* should read it!

[colubrina]

First Lines

I was tagged by @regulusarchieblack and am delighted because I would much rather do this than dishes.

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have fewer than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favourite opening line. Then tag some people to take part.

Tried to put these in reverse chronological order (so newwst first)

FORGET-ME-NOT (mg fantasy):   There are many ways a twelve-year-old girl can be invisible.  I want to get this one drafted by September so I can revise it at the writing retreat I am going to.

KEEPING IT REAL (dark angel fanfic):   The job went wrong Probably never going to finish this one (all the troll reviews didn’t help on that front), but I do like it. All angsty and wallowing

IF YOU MAKE THE DESERT BLOOM (dune fanfic):  “I’m sorry, what?”    The tattoo/flower shop AU the world was begging for

A QUEST IS A DANGEROUS THING (legendborn fanfic):   What killed Bree was that she understood and couldn’t even be angry.   Perhaps the sequel will inspire me to go back to this one,.

UNNAMED GRISHA FIC (grisha fic):  I could always tell when Mal wanted to fuck someone.  never gonna finish this.

NO GOOD WITCHES (ya fantasy):  The most important part of high school was looking normal.  Revising this is killing me.

DRAMIONE RIVALS TO LOVERS FIC (harry potter fic): Granger had done it again. never gonna finish this.

BEOWULF (ya fantasy): Beowulf was the worst book ever written.  This got mired down after I was told I’d revised all the joy out of it and I got stuck.

DUST AND ASHES (ya fantasy): The end of the world began with fire, though no one noticed. Gonna work on this one on and off until I die.

AUBRYN (ya fantasy): Aubryn was fixing her lipstick when the fairy fell out of the sky.  My sequel to Small Town Monsters.  I loved Aubryn so much I couldn’t let her go, so I wrote another whole book about her.  That no one will ever read. God, I’m depressing myself writing all this out.  What is wrong with me?

SMALL TOWN MONSTERS (ya fantasy): There was a half-naked boy in her back yard. I’ve been told this is too quiet for the market.  Straight fairy romance just isn’t in even more, even with bombs and and lots of healthy female friendships.

SEA WITCH’S DAUGHTER (mg fantasy):  Sophie was waiting for her sisters to get ready, and they were taking forever.  My Author Mentor Match book, and the one I signed with my agent for.  This one goes on sub this summer. Good times, I say like a liar.  Who doesn’t love rejection and hopelessness? 

BLOOD AND ROSES (ya fantasy)  Camilla stood at the edge of Fairy and watched the old house.  My Pitch Wars book.  Died in the query trenches.  The ending is more cool than logical, I have to admit, but what really killed it was that no one wants to publish more straight fairy books.

THE AZRAEL PROJECT (ya SFF)  The line to pass the checkpoint moved slowly all morning. No one liked this book except my daughter, who loved it and still rereads it.  Did worse in the query trenches than any other book I queried.

BLOOMS THE THISTLE (ya fantasy)  It was hard to pretend she was still a good person on Summoning Days.  The first book I queried.  Got 18 full requests because it was the last gasp of the YA fantasy boom.  Wasn’t a good book. I remember it mostly for the cruelty of a critique partner, who told me “No one would read this unless they were painfully bored.”  If you tell a person this as feedback, you are an asshole or a sadist or both.

I think I’ve run out of anything even reasonably recent.  My favorite is the most recent, but that’s probably just because it hasn’t failed  yet.

tagging:  @medievalfantasist, @fullyvisible, @evolutionsbedingt, @pedlimwen, @naarna, @sparrow-ink, @pia-bartolini, @provocative-envy, @akorah, @cocoartistwrites, @funkyfaerie

[brizzlovesyou]

Wesper?

LOVE. THEM.

I always have, from the beginning. I thought they were really sweet and I really enjoyed Jesper and Wylan as individuals but I confess I spent most of the duology focused on the plot and other matters. But re-reading the series? It is their time to shine, let me tell you! It’s possible that has a lot to do with Jack’s casting??? My delight at finally having all of our crows and the video of Jack & Kit together is what really got me to reread the series. But I think mostly what it is, is that I’ve given myself more time to appreciate the characters and not speedrun the books, desperate to know how it ends.

There’s something about their dynamic that’s just… it’s such a delight and such a contrast to the rest of what’s happening in the crows duology. It’s the only relationship we get to see develop before our eyes. We get to watch the playful banter and the teasing grow more frequent. We get to see that connection grow, watch them fall for each other. And then to find out they’ve actually been keen on each other from the literal first time they met?? Jesper thinking Wylan looked like a prince that fell into the wrong story and Wylan thinking Jesper had the most perfect lips he’d ever seen??!?! GOODBYE asldfjkaf;lkj

They also just strike a really incredible balance. It’s soft but it’s still really playful. It’s a bit angsty but it’s very wholesome. There’s mischief and there’s chaos but also small touches and unanswered questions. They both wrestle with not living up to parental expectations yet have found a partner that thinks the world of them. Jesper is brash and he deflects with humor and he’s always itching for a fight but he locks eyes with Wylan and he’s just a teenage boy with a crush. Wylan chooses kindness despite all the shit the world throws at him and he's a bit desperate to prove himself but Jesper brings out his quick wit and scheming side. I think I just like how very, very comfortable they are with each other and I’m incredibly pleased with where they end up by the end of Crooked Kingdom.

Honest to god I could wax poetic about either of them for days but I love them very very much and I literally just read the almost kiss scene in the hotel so I am TRULY up in my Wesper feels at the moment.

Send me a ship and I'll give you my (brutally) honest opinion on it

[actualfand0mtrash]

Time for my almost midnight aftg au idea that I am thinking about cause sleep is for the weak and I’m close to having a mental breakdown and on the verge of tears for no reason (sorry for the tmi)

Alright so in this au instead of them meeting by being foxes, they are all, or have been in one point in foster care and been taken care of by either Wymack or Abby. Wymack and Abby run a boys and a girls home, that are separate by intermingle a lot.

Andrew and Aaron end up being taken in by Nicky, but stay in contact with the boys home, as support for Nicky, as he’s very young and Andrew and Aaron aren’t exactly easy to take care of. Kevin ends up in the home after his mom dies, and it takes a while for him to figure out that Wymack is his bio dad, in a very dramatic reveal. The girls live with Abby, with renee eventually being adopted by Stephanie Walker; and like the twins stays in contact with the homes.

Neil is squatting in some empty houses like the beginning of the first book, but goes to school with the the foxes, where they regularly invite him round and he ends up being unofficially fostered there.

If I wanted to make it angsty, maybe he finds out Nathan is getting close to his location, so he runs without telling anyone, only to show up a year later during dinner covered in bandages and asking if the spare room is still open.

I got inspired by a fic similar to this over a year ago, and if anyone can find it, lemme know cause I wanna reread it but alas I lost it :’((

[sendme-2hell]

Rating the Books I read after Gideon the Ninth (in order) by how well they made me forget my Gideon the Ninth angst

I starred the ones that I actually recommend if you want something similar to gtn.

I was bored so I made this. Mostly just so I can look back at this and laugh at myself in a few months and remember what I’ve read. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - -

**Harrow the Ninth -Tamsyn Muir 

Summary: A depressed girl has to navigate murder attempts by both the mom and the dad of her dead ex-girlfriend who she can’t remember. She tries to make soup and writes fanfic to cope. 

How well it helped me forget: -100/10 but also 10/10 

Rating explanation: This one gets a 10/10 because it did make me feel better about a *particular* GTN plotpoint which I was very angsty about, but tragically it did make me more feral. After reading it I reread both books so I don’t think it helped me forget my angst. 

Similar themes to GTN: all of it, plus more memes 

I Want to Be Where The Normal People Are - Rachel Bloom 

Summary: Rachel Bloom who wrote the world’s most relatable song: “You Stupid Bitch,” and starred/created in Crazy Ex Girlfriend, writes about having anxiety, feeling like she’s not normal, and Harry Potter fanfic.

How well it helped me forget: 8/10

Rating explanation: For a few minutes I actually did forget about my griddlehark angst while I learned more about Bloom’s life and laughed at the painful relatability of it all. 

Similar themes to TLT: ummm depression, feeling very out of place, memes

Fingersmith - Sarah Waters

Summary: The book The Handmaiden was based on. A girl is sent to become a Lady’s handmaiden to con her out of some money. She falls in love. Many plot twists. 

How well it helped me forget: 5/10

Rating explanation: I was sadly still thinking about TLT the whole time I read this. I liked it but I actually like the Handmaiden better because the women spend more time together. Like in this book, I wish that Harrow and Gideon could spend more time together. 

Similar themes: wlw enemies to lovers, at some point you realize the main character’s love interest understands what’s going on way more than the main character

Kindred - Octavia Butler 

Summary: Very dark book about slave narratives. I cannot make a joke here, but this book is excellent. 

How well it helped me forget: 10/10 

Rating explanation: Again, I can’t make a joke. But Octavia Butler is amazing. 

Ash - Malinda Lo 

Summary: A wlw retelling of Cinderella with fairies and an emphasis on stories 

How well it helped me forget:7/10

Rating explanation: This was really quick and fun and I definitely was rooting for the lesbians. Also it was nice it had a happy ending! If you liked Crier’s War (which I did), this was clearly an influence for Nina Varela. 

Similar themes: wlw, the magic one + the fighting one dynamic

Station Eleven - Emily St. John Mandel

Summary: A deadly pandemic wipes out so many people that the world spins into chaos and no one can figure out how to use electricity apparently? But the book is really about fame and wanting to be remembered. Go figure.

How well it helped me forget: -10/10 

Rating explanation: Ok that’s not fair. It helped me forget about Gideon and Harrow but it did NOT help me forget about Corona. It was technically good and a lot of people I respect love it, but either because I was still thinking about TLT or because it was about a pandemic, I couldn’t really enjoy it. 

Similar themes: post-apocalyptic 

Red, White & Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston 

Summary: The Prince of England and The son of the president of the US are enemies. They are definitely enemies.

How well it helped me forget: 6/10

Rating explanation: This was such a fun read that it almost distracted me! Tragically I was in such TLT headspace that I kept pausing to read fanfics where Gideon and Harrow switch eyes. 

Similar themes: Enemies to lovers, queer

Troubling Love - Elena Ferrante 

Summary: In true Elena Ferrante fashion, an event spurs an Italian woman to do a lot of internal processing and have some flashbacks. 

How well it helped me forget: 7/10

Rating explanation: This book was a bit disturbing so it distracted me in that way. Plus I love Elena Ferrante’s writing so much that it felt like coming home to an old friend. Unfortunately for me, this is Elena Ferrante’s least queer book. I know because I have now read them all. Her most queer book, The Lying Life of Adults, would have distracted me better. Also just using this space to tell anyone who’s still reading this (probably no one) to go read My Brilliant Friend (and the corresponding Neopolitan Novels). They are not similar to TLT except they are vaguely queer and about competitive friendships where the girls are obsessed with each other in maybe an unhealthy way. Ok so a bit similar. Genuinely my favorite books ever. 

Similar themes: mommy issues, daddy issues, childhood trauma

On This Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous -Ocean Vuong

Summary: A Vietnamese immigrant reflects on his mother, grandmother, and his own life experience in the US. It is poetic and beautiful and will make you cry. 

How well it helped me forget: 10/10

Rating explanation: This book is beautiful. It really changes how you think about the US. Plus really interesting stuff about the western way of telling stories. Cannot recommend it enough, though very little to do with TLT. 

Similar themes: queer, stuff about language, childhood trauma, you will cry

**The Priory of the Orange Tree - Samantha Shannon 

Summary: OK sorry none of those were good suggestions for what to read after GTN. THIS is what you should read after GTN. It is an incredibly slow burn wlw enemies to lovers. There are dragons, there is magic, there are very cool female characters who I am in love with. This is like Game of Thrones but if it was good, queer, and only one 800 page book. 

How well it helped me forget: 10/10

Rating explanation: Enemies to lovers!!!! What more do I have to say? Also very cool world-building, interesting religious themes. 

Similar themes: wlw enemies to lovers, religious themes, magic, very old wizard milfs, also mlm

*The Traitor Baru Cormorant 

Summary: Baru is a very smart girl in a colonized island. She decides she will play the game of the colonizers, rise up in their society, and destroy them from within. How is that going, Baru? 

How well it helped me forget: 100/10

Rating explanation: This DID make me forget TLT. The only book to truly make me. It made me forget so badly that I wanted my Griddlehark angst BACK. GIVE ME IT BACK I don’t wanna feel sad about Baru anymore. I cannot recommend it more, it is so good, but it did make me ugly cry. It also made me majorly depressed about colonization and the state of the world. 

Similar themes: wlw enemies to lovers, ending will make you cry

*The Monster Baru Cormorant - Seth Dickinson 

Summary: Baru is depressed, has brain damage, throws up a lot, is sad about (redacted), does some things without remembering them because there’s something going on in her brain. Sound familiar? It’s kinda like Harrow the Ninth but more depressing. Oh also a lot of new characters are introduced, old characters come back, a lot of setup for the next book. Euler’s identity shows up out of nowhere?! 

How well it helped me forget: 10/10

Rating explanation: Again, it made me forget but only because I was so engrossed in this story. Also kinda depressed. This book is kinda depressing. But Baru is very fun to be around, and there are some other great characters. Marry me, Yawa. 

Similar themes: again, this is just harrow the ninth on steroids, I am in love with every single woman in this series

*The Tyrant Baru Cormorant - Seth Dickinson 

Summary: Baru makes a new bestie, reunites with an old bestie, and discovers a dead bestie in her brain!

How well it helped me forget: 1000/10

Rating explanation: I loved this book. There were a few scenes I reread >four times. This book makes the other books in the series worth it. 

Similar themes: please see my venn diagram comparing tlt, baru, and A memory called empire for more information

*The Ninth House - Leigh Bardugo 

Summary: A girl has seen ghosts her whole life and because of that, gets accepted at Yale even though she didn’t finish high school. Yale is like a hotspot for ghosts I guess. It’s dark academia, the girl has a secret, the narrator is pretty funny.

How well it helped me forget: 6/10

Rating explanation: I was trying to get distracted from TLT (and Baru at this point), but it’s hard to forget about Harrow and Gideon in a book called The Ninth House (hello?). It was enjoyable and there was some good humor. I’m curious about the next book in the series when it comes out. It is not wlw unless you squint (which I do). 

Similar themes: debatably wlw body posession, nine houses, the ninth one being important, nerd boy who reminds me of pal, woman is revealed to be MUCH older than I originally thought, soul eating, revenants, tombs, necromancy, character named Mercy

The Bone Season - Samantha Shannon 

Summary: It’s the future and London is a hotspot for clairvoyants. Paige is a woman who has a special gift and can jump into people’s bodies and possess them briefly (among other things, this is a terrible explanation). Because of this, she is sent to a secret part of the city where clairvoyants are trained to be monster fighters (but also like, kept there in captivity against their will). Unlike every other book on this list I honestly wouldn’t recommend. I know there are other books in the series. If you’ve read on and it gets better let me know. (I know no one has gotten this far reading this but still)

How well it helped me forget: 4/10

Rating explanation: This one was disappointing because I loved Priory of the Orange Tree so much. This book did not distract me from my griddlehark or barhu feels. There’s also a character named Warden so I thought about SexPal a lot. 

Similar themes: enemies to lovers, ghosts, possession, queer but only background characters 

****The Unspoken Name - A.K. Larkwood 

Summary: A girl is in an isolated cult that wants her to die as a sacrifice (sound familiar?). A definitely not evil wizard helps her escape. She meets a cute necromancer who’s also kinda from a cult. She goes on some gay adventures, gets the help of a morally grey older necromancer (who I’m in love with), and fights with her frenemy. 

How well it helped me forget: 10/10

Rating explanation: This is the most similar to TLT on this list. Gideon and Csorwe would be friends. Seriously I recommend this! And the second book comes out soon! And it’s not sad like TLT or Baru! 

Similar themes: sword lesbian + necromancer dynamic, wlw enemies to lovers, cults, tombs, necromancy, character named “the sleeper”, also mlm

The Invisible Life of Addie Larue - V. E. Schwab 

Summary: Adeline Larue made a deal with a demon in 1714 France, because she wanted to see the world and stuff. It backfires of course. She is immortal but no one remembers her. This causes all sorts of problems and makes her very angsty. The narrative flashes between her going through the years, and her falling in love with the only person who will remember her. 

How well it helped me forget: 2/10

Rating explanation: I know people loved this book but I did not. I liked the last 50 pages, I’ll give it that. I wish it was more queer (it was a little queer). 

Similar themes: as I said, a little wlw, immortality, demons, I guess falling in love with someone and them not remembering you now that I think about it 

Sula - Toni Morrison 

Summary: A story about two black women in the 1920’s-1960’s in an Ohio town. It is really great and interesting. It is a book about complicated female friendships (among so many other things that better writers not writing a list no one will read about their TLT feels have outlined) which I love. I was told I should read this after the Neapolitan Novels by Elena Ferrante and it did not disappoint. Same vibes. 

How well it helped me forget: 10/10

Rating explanation: This was just a great book. Has really nothing to do with TLT

Similar themes: debatably queer 

*Murderbot Diaries: All Systems Red, Artificial Condition, Rogue Protocol, Exit Strategy, Network Effect,  - Martha Wells

Summary: Muderbot is an artificial construct who just wants to be left alone to watch tv, damnit! It doesn’t want to interact with humans, and it definitely does not want to talk about feelings. Too bad some humans want to become friends with it.

How well it helped me forget: 10/10

Rating explanation: These books were so good. They did help me forget! The books are really about having anxiety, making friends, and letting yourself have feelings. Also they are SO FUNNY. Highly recommend. In the way that I love Gideon’s POV, I love Murderbot’s POV

Similar themes: funny narrator, queer characters, space, people who don’t want to deal with their feelings being forced to deal with their feelings

*A Memory Called Empire - Arkady Martine 

Summary: Mahit is sent a dangerous, evil empire to be an ambassador. Lots of beautiful writing about colonialism, assimilation, language, and culture.There is gay angst and funny characters. I am once again in love with a morally grey older woman character. 

How well it helped me forget: 10/10

Rating explanation: Yes this book is great and did distract me from gtn (mostly. I did end up reading a great fanfic about wake, g1deon, and pyrrah in the middle but otherwise...). It is part of my holy trilogy of wlw books (this, baru, tlt) that I just read recently. The next book comes out on March 2nd so it will be a good distraction from waiting for Alecto. Like Baru, it made me feel like shit about colonialism but unlike the other two books in my trilogy (redacted but if you’ve read those books you know) didn’t happen. It had a not too sad ending. 

Similar themes: see my venn diagram, but seriously what is going on with brain surgery in these books...

*The Luminous Dead - Cailtin Starling 9/10

Summary: A woman needs money and to get the money she goes on a risky cave dive. It turns out the only contact she has with the rest of the world is a woman who’s kinda a dick. It’s 400 pages of creepy cave diving and these two women talking to each other. It’s creepy and uncomfortable and I loved it. I did spend the whole book thinking it would be such a good story podcast.

How well it helped me forget: 10/10

Rating explanation: It did make me forget about tlt! There are some kinda boring parts but it pays off. The relationship between the two main characters is very interesting (though a bit fucked up). 

Similar themes: wlw enemies to lovers, traumatised characters, shitty moms

[sun-dari]

i was struck by nostalgia and going to reread aeterna before the tv show. idk how long it'll last but i think i'll manage at least the first book. i am writing this mostly to entice my mutuals to watch it when it comes out in january (i don't know how good it is gonna be and i don't really care).

this is what i remember about some of the characters:

richard – the most annoying character in existence, has two inappropriate crushes at once, peaked in the first half of the first book when he punched a guy in the nose

roque – angsty asshole but not really. the actual main character, the most magical person around, probably knows more about magic than anyone else, actually cursed, never gets pov chapters

robert – angsty good boy, never did anything wrong, ever, in his life, and i love him

there are tons of characters but these i remember the most about and know how to write their names in english (i didn't choose the names starting with r on purpose)

[randomstufflol29]

Remember me

Peter Parker x Reader

a/n:Hey!I just had this idea,based of the book:"we were liars".I usually don´t write long and angsty stuff,but there´s a first time for everything,right?Feedback,good or bad is always welcome and likes,comments and reblogs will be appreciated:)Ps.follow me on Tiktok for more of my writing:randomstufflol29

summory:Peter forgets something(or someone)very important and y/n helps him remember.

TW:Angst,a lot of it ig.Maybe swearing.Mentions of sex.Bad writing lol.Many mistakes.(English isn´t my first language)

Wordcount: 3745ish

Peter Parker had a rough year behind him,at least that´s what everybody told him.He can´t rememder much.Of course he didn´t forget everything,such as little glimps,like May´s birthday or Tony´s and Pepper´s Christmas party,but something is missing from his memories,something very important.Peter tried to ask the people around him,but they always said the same thing:"You have to remember yourself,it´s better if we don´t tell you anything."He couldn´t wrap his mind around why he couldn´t remeber this important thing in his life and why nobody wants to tell him about it,even though it would be easier if somebody just told him.Aside from the fact that he couldn´t remember most of his year,Peter continued living his life.He started his first year at college,goes on his usual patrols,works at Stark industries,spents time with the other Avengers and meets his friend,but he just can´t stop thinking about what he forgot.

It´s a normal Thursday evening,Peter and Wanda cook together and watch a movie afterwards,since Peter doesn´t have clases until 11am Fridays.In the last few days Peter started zoning out a lot and thinking about the last year more than he already does."Peter you´re doing it again."Wanda comments,eating her Lasagna while Peter already finished his second plate.That boy can eats a lot,very fast."Sorry,just can´t stop thinking about it."Peter responds."I think you´ll remember soon."Wanda says,pausing the movie and putting her plate down on the living room table."You think so?"he asks,unsure about what Wanda just said."I know it,now stop thinking about it for a while and get another plate,we still got plenty of the Lasagna.“she responds“Thanks Wanda."Peter answers and stands up.Around 1 am Peter and Wanda go to bed.Peter moved into the Avengers tower,when he started college,since it´s closer to his college,than May´s flat.This night,just like many,Peter can´t sleep.He had problems with falling asleep for a while,but he didn´t want to burden anybody with that problem,so he does what he always does,when he can´t sleep.He rereads the same book over and over again,until he falls asleep eventually,to survive the next day with a lot of coffee.He doesn´t know why he likes this book so much,it´s not the type of genre he would usually read,but somehow it became one of his comfort books.It´s only supposition,but somehow he thinks it´s connected to something from his past,something he can´t remember.

Due to his sleep problem,Peter drinks a lot coffee,otherwise he couldn´t get through the day,so even though he had one at home,he was on his way to his favorite coffee shop,to get another iced coffee.It´s 4pm and his clases for today were over.He enters the suprisingly empty coffee shop and orders his usual.Peter sits down at an empty table and starts reading his comfort book,while waiting for his coffee."Exscuse me.I love this book!I read it about 1000 times.It´s my comfort book."Peter looks up to see a girl,standing next to the empty seat in front of him,a very very pretty girl.You have a coffee in your hand and smile at Peter.Peter was never good with girls,especially with beatiful grils like you,so his hands immediatly start to sweat."You can sit there if you want."he says a little helpless.You smile at him again and take a seat."How do you like the book so far?"you ask Peter."I´m about half way through it,but I already read it a few times."Peter responds a little more comfortable,since he´s talking about something he likes."Oh so a true fan I see."you say,smiling.Something about your smile makes Peter feel good,it´s warm and comforting,but he doesn´t understand why,you are only a pretty girl he met at a coffe shop,right?"Yeah you could say that."he answere,smiling back at you.You let out a chuckle and suddelny something in Peter´s mind snaps."Do I know you from somewhere?"he asks confused."Sadly I can´t tell you,you wouldn´t believe me."you say,stand up and walk towards the door.Peter stands up quickly,grabs his coffee from the worker and follows you outside."Why wouldn´t I believe you?"he asks confused,when he catches up."I know you Peter,you just wouldn´t."you respond."Where do we know each other from?"he asks,grabing your arm,so you´re forced to stop walking."I can´t tell you,you have to remember yourself."you answer."Well I´m not really good in remembering for the last year."he says,frustrated and annoyed,because nobody,not even a random girl he met at a coffee shop,wants to tell him anything."I know Peter and I´m sorry for that,but I just can´t."you respond."How do you know my name?Just tell me please,I´m not going to remember."he almost begs you."I already said,I can´t tell you,but I can help you remember."you say."How tf could you do that?"he asks annoyed."Meet me at this place,tomorrow at 10am."you say,writing down the adress on Peter´s arm and walking away."How do I know you´ll come?"he shouts."I guess you just have to trust me Parker."you shout back at him,before completly leaving his seight.Peter couldn´t stop thinking about you for the rest of the day.He didn´t even know your name,but he knows he can trust you and when he went to bed,for the first time in a very long time Peter could sleep peacefuly.

Peter wakes up at 8am and walks into the kitchen."You´re awake early Peter,did you sleep well?"Wanda greets him."Very well,I´m meeting someone,,that´s why I´m awake early."Someone?A girl?"Wanda questions grinning.."No comment."Peter answers smirking."Alright,do you want me to make you some toast with eggs and a coffee?"Wanda asks."That would be lovely Wanda. I´m gonna take a shower while you make it."he responds and gives Wanda a kiss on the cheek,before entering the bathroom.Peter leaves at 9:30am and swings to the adress you gave him.He arrives about ten minutes early,but when he comes out of the dead end,where he changed,he can already see you waiting for him.It´s a pretty warm day and you are wearing a beautiful summer dress,which suits you perfectly.You didn´t see him yet,but when he watches you standing on the bridge and look down at the water he feels butterflies in his stomach.You turn around and see him walking towards you."Hey,you look pretty."he greets you,all the uneasines from yesterday gone.You blush and your smile combinated with the bright pink of your cheeks just melts Peter´s heart,letting him forget why he is really here."Thanks Peter.You don´t look bad yourself."you compliment him and for a second you are just two awkward teenagers standing on a bridge on a hot spring day."Shall we begin?"you ask,taking him back to reality."Sure,just to make it clear,you are not gonna answer me any questions,you are just going to show me things and try to help me remember?"Peter asks."That´s the plan."you agree and start walking.Peter follows you and realizes,that you are not too far from the coffee shop and that you´re heading to that exact place.

"Okay,we’re here"you say,as you arrive in front of the coffee shop."We were here yesterday.Why should this help me remember anything?"Peter asks confused."No questions,just trust the progress."you answer,dragging him into the shop."Now go and order a vanilla latte machiato with caramel sirup and cinnamon."you rell him and he looks at you with a confused look."Do you know how hot it is outside?And isn´t cinnamon a christmas/winter thing?"he asks and you roll your eyes."What did I just say Peter?"you respond."Yeah yeah trust the progress bla bla bla."he anwsers annoyed."That´s right,trust the progress,now go!"you say,slightly amused.You give him a last smile and thumbs up and he goes up to the bar.The guy who works there gives him a strange look,but still does the order of course.Peter comes up too you with the coffee in his hand and you smile at him."You enjoy this,don´t you?"Peter asks."Maybe a little bit.Let´s go outside."you respond grinning."But it´s even hotter outside and what am I supposed to do with the coffee?"he responds annoyed making you laugh.Your laugh gives Peter this feeling of comfort he didn´t felt for a long time,before you crossed his way."You need to stand right here,"you drag Peter to a point where he stands directly under the sunlight,"and now drink the coffee."Peter obeys,knowing arguing with you would be useless.He drinks the way too hot coffee for this way too hot day.A memory,a very important one crosses his mind.He did this already,drank this way too hot coffee on a way too hot spring day with a pretty girl."I think I remember something."he says quietly,still fascinated by the fact that he actually remembers something for once."What do you remember?"you ask,even though you knew what he meant."I met a girl here.She spilled her hot coffee all over me and bought me this coffee as an apolagy.I was confused why she would drink a hot,winter themed coffee in spring,but when I tried it,I understood.It´s the pure irony that makes it so good,drinking a hot winter drink in spring isn´t how it´s supposed to be,but it still works."Peter has never been happier and you smile at him,like you were just as happy about him remembering something,even though it´s almost impossible."I know you said I‘m not supposed ask questions,but can I still do it?Just one simple question?"Peter asks.You are both so happy right now,that he just needs to ask."Fine you can,but it doesn´t mean I will answer it."you resond."Alright,what´s your name?"Peter asks and you let out a chuckle."You are lucky,this is a question I actually can answer.Y/n y/l/n."you answer and Peter gets even happier.Y/n y/l/n,the prettiest name he ever heard."Peter Benjamin Parker,nice to meet you y/n."Peter says,making you laugh. "We need to get going now."you say and start walking,while he follows you like a puppy.

Peter had so many qustions.Why did you knew exactly what to do,so he could remember things?Why did you know him so well?Are you the girl he met at that coffee shop?Probably not,right?He would have remembered it,if you were that girl,he was pretty sure about that.But if you aren´t that girl,how did you knew about the coffee?Peter also had some questions,not about his memories,but about you.How old are you?You look like his age,maybe a bit younger.Do you have siblings?What´s yout favorite color?What do you like to do in your free time?Do you have a boyfriend? He thinks about the last question more than he probably should,but he just can´t help it.You are funny,probably really smart,sweet,the prettiest girl he´s ever seen and he can´t even find the right words to describe what he feels when you smile at him."Do you have a boyfriend?"Peter blurbs out."I´m not gonna answer this question."you respond laughing."Is that a yes or a no?"Peter asks."Like I said, not. gonna. answer.this.question."you respond and Peter pouts."It´s unfair,you know so much about me,but I barely know anything about you."he says a little whiny."You will,I promise.But in my defence,I´m not the one that can´t remember."you tease him."That´s not fair!"Peter says,sounding like a little child,making both of you laugh.

"Are we there yet?"Peter asks like an unpatient 4 year old on the way to Disney Land."Almost."you answer shortly.You walk into a beatiful little park with a little lake in it."Hey,I know this park.I always swing over it on my patrols."Peter says."Wait I mean-"he starts,realizing what he just said,but you interrupt him:"Don´t worry I know you are Spider-Man,no need to shit in your pants Parker."He gave a sigh of relief and you laugh at him,but the question:How do you know so much about him?pops up in his head again.Luckily he didn´t have much time to think about it,because you start dragging him to the lake."Look around closly and try to remember."you say like it´s the easiest thing in the world.Peter does as he gets told and looks round.The park is beatiful.It´s surronded by huge trees,ducks live at the lake,children play hide and seek,couples enjoying the hot day with a picnic and a wooden bridge leads to a little island in the lake.Something in his mind snaps and he remembers something.Without saying something he walks towards the island and you follow him quietly.On the island he looks around again and the memory gets clearer."Looks like you remember something."you comment while he still looks around."The girl I met at the coffee shop.I asked her out,we went to this park for our first date and did a picnic here.Everytime I wanted to do something special,I took her here.I asked her to be my grilfriend here and we said "I love you" here for the first time,while we watched the stars."he explains and you nod in agreement."I can´t believe this is working."Peter comments quietly with a smile on his face."Do you remember how she looked like or what her name was?"you ask,but he only shakes his head as respond."That´s fine,you will."you say happily."I´m hungry,do you want to get something to eat?"Peter asks."Nah,not hungry,but you can get something."you respond.You and Peter go a little hotdog cart.He orders 3 New Yorker hotdogs and eats them like his life depends on it.Like said earlier,that boy eats a lot and he eats it fast."Damn you finished those in seconds."you say laughing,while he whipes all of the ketchup he got on his face away.He just shrugs his shoulders in respond.

You are on your way to the next place,when Peter suddenly realizes something."Hey,that´s my aunt May´s neighberhood.Are we going to her flat?"Peter asks confused."Yup."you answer shortly."You know I lived there right?I probably would have already remembered something."he says."Yeah,but you also were at that coffee shop more than once and you still didn´t rembered something,right?"you respond."That´s true,but May´s flat is something diffrent.I lived there,I couldn´t just overlooked something like a vanilla latte machiato with caramel syrup and cinnamon."he argues."Well you did,because if you didn´t you would remember.Now let´s go upstairs."you say,entering the building.Peter opens the door with his spare key and you enter together."May?"Peter shouts,but no ones responds."Looks like she isn´t home."Peter whispers for no reason."Thanks for this incredibly helpful information,I didn´t realized May isn´t home,when you shouted her name and no one responded."you answer ironically,"Very funny."he responds,slightly annoyed."I know,I´m hilarious."you say cockily,making Peter roll his brown eyes,but he can´t help it and smiles."Okay we are in the flat,now show me the vanilla latte machiato with caramel syrup and cinnamon,I apperently overlooked,even though I lived here."he says and you roll your eyes in annoyance.He still does the bad coffee reference and it´s getting on your nerve,but you decide to ignore it and you enter his room."Look under the mattres."you say and he shakes his head in amusedmend.He looked under his matress about a thousand times,no way he overlooked something.But when he lifted the matress,he saw it."What the fuck,how did I not see this?"he asks shocked.One of the wooden slats is broken and taped together wit duck tape."You didn´t had the backround information,that´s why you oversaw it,but I think you remebered the second you saw it,right?"you ask grinning.Peter nods embarresed."How did this happen Peter?"you ask him,trying to sound as innocent as possible."Do you really make me say it?"he asks embarresed,burrying his head in his hands."Yup,you doubted the progress and now you have to take consequenzes for that.And it´s pretty hilarious seeing you all flustered."you answer amused."Fineeee,we broke the slat while ... for the first time."he mumbles so you can´t understand that one word right."While what?Jumping on the bed for the the first time?"you ask smirking,probably enjoying torturing this poor boy a little too much."WHILE HAVING SEX FOR THE FIRST TIME,GOD!"he shouts,probably loud enough for the neighboors to hear.You burst oout laughing and Peter joins you.You can barely breath,when you finally come down."Don´t worry the other memories won´t be as embarrassing as this one,but also not as hilarious."you say before leaving the apartment.

"How many places do we still have to go too?"Peter asks,trying to find out how much time he still has with you."Just 2 more and you should probably remember everything."you explain."Oh."Peter is a little disapointed,he had hoped to have more time with you,even though probably should be afraid of you,for knowing so much,but he isn´t.He feels a weird comfort when he´s with you,even though he doesn’t know you.You are just a girl he met in his favorite coffee shop 24 hours ago,who helps him remember things.Still,the last few hours were the best he had since a long time,you didn’t treat him like a glass figure that could break any second.You turn right,entering a empty dead end and stand still,which leans into Peter bumping into you.Peter holds you,so you won’t fall.Your bodies are pressed against each others and you share a awkward second,in which you both blush,after taking a step backwards.”Put your suit on.”you break the silence.”Now?”Peter asks a little embarrassed.”No in 20 years,of course now dipshit.”you respond laughing.Peter takes his suit out of his backpack and you turn around,while he changes.”Alright you can turn around again.”he says.”Why did I need to put on the suit?”Peter asks confused.”Because,”you turn him around,”you need to swing us on that building.”you answer.Peter doesn’t answer,just puts his arms around your waist and start swinging.All he can feel is you being close to him,you arms around his neck,him holding you close.He‘s glad you can’t see his face through the mask,because he can’t stop grinning.You arrive on the rooftop,a bit to early for Peter‘s liking.”Look under the bench.”You say calmly.Your eyes are closed and you enjoy the wind on top of the roof.Peter watches you for a second before walking up to the little wooden bench.He flips it around and sees a little writing on it.”Our little mountain in the middle of New York.Peter Parker and Y/n y/l/n Parker”It feels like someone punched his face,but instead of a fist,that someone used his left out memories.Every little detail about last year and about you came back to him.He turns around to look at you.You still had your eyes closed and Peter couldn’t help but smile.Just a second ago he was mad at you,mad at you because you didn’t told him,but now,all the anger vanished.It doesn’t matter anymore,he remembers now and maybe not telling him was the key.He steps closer to you,so he is only inches away.”It’s you.”you open your eyes and smile at him.”The girl I met at the coffee shop,the girl I went in the park with.The girl I asked to be my girlfriend.I can’t believe I forgot you.”Peter says,tears roll down his cheeks.”No shit Sherlock.“you respond laughing,making him roll his eyes.“But it’s alright,you remember now and that’s all that matters.”you say,with that comforting smile,Peter loves so much.”I love you.”he whispers.”I love you too.”You whisper back.”Y/n?”He asks hesitating.”Yes Peter?”you answer.”Can I kiss you?”he continues,barely hearable.“Of course you can Spidey,I’m your girlfriend.Did you already forget?“you and laughing.“Not funny.“Peter responds and leans in to kiss you.Peter feels every bone,every muscle and every cell in his body basically explode.He can’t describe the feeling he feels,when he‘s finally able to kiss you.It’s like thousand fireworks explode inside of his body,but 10,000 times stronger.

You pull away and rest your forehead on his.“Come on,we still have one station left.”You say and he pouts in respond.”Can’t we stay here,like forever?”he asks and you chuckle.”Come on,it’s very important Peter.”you answer.”Alright.”he says before giving you a short kiss on the lips and putting on his mask again.”Ready?”he asks.”Ready when you are.”you say smiling and you swing off your little mountain in the middle of New York.Peter changes into his normal clothes and you walk to the last place,holding hands.Peter doesn’t care that he still doesn’t remember everything,since you still have one station left,the only thing that matters is,that he remembers you.”We are here.”you are standing on the bridge again,where you met this morning.Peter furrows his eyebrows in confusion.”Look around,do your remember what happened here Peter?”you ask in a very serious tone.Peter scanes the area,but nothing pops up in his head."No."he simply answers."This bridge was rebuild 6 months ago,because something happened here.Please remember Peter,this is very important,okay?"you say,almost begging."Y/n what´s wrong?I remember everything that is important.I remember you,us.Why do I also have to remember this?Why can´t we just move on?"Peter asks."BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER EVERYTHING.It´s very important Peter please."you respond,tears start rolling down you face.Peter sighs and looks around again.And for the 5th and probably last time today,he remembers.He turns around to look at you again,biting the inside of his cheek to stop the tears."No it can´t be."he says,his voice shaking."What happened Peter?"you ask camly."Don´t make me say it."Peter answers,not being able to stop the tears."Peter what happened?"you ask,like you actually didn´t know the answer."I was fighting a villain,on this bridge.He knew my secret identity.He held you hostage,because he knew that you were important to me."Peter paused.He waited for you to say somethinng,but you didn´t so he continues:"We fought and the bridge was destroyed.You fell down with it´s pieces."Peter doesn´t want to say it,but somehow he knows he doesn´t have any other choice."You died May 15th,exactly one year ago.Your body was found two days later.It´s all my fault."he finishes,barely hearable,but you understod him clearly."No it wasn´t Peter,it was no ones fault.I need you to understand that,okay?"you respond with a soft tone,which rips Peter´s heart out of his cest."No it is.It´s my fault you died.I-"Peter says sobbing,but you interrup him."Peter,it´s not your fault."He doesn´t listen to you,he continues talking about how it´s his fault and how sorry he is.And then,you kiss him.It´s not a loving and passionated kiss like you had on the rooftop,it´s a sad kiss,a goodbye kiss."Close your eyes."you say,after pulling out."No,please not."he answers."Peter,close your eyes."you repeat and he does,he closes his eyes,even though he knows what will happen,when he does."It´s not your fault.I love you."you say,giving him one last kiss on the cheek.

Peter doesn´t have to open his eyes to know that you are gone,forever.He falls on his knees,sobbing in his hands.Some people try to help him,asking what´s wrong,but he doesn´t repond.All he does is grieving,for the first time ever.It startted raining at some point,but he didn´t care.It´s already dark when Peter arrives at the Stark tower."Peter where were you?Why are you so wet?"Wanda asks worried,when he steps out of the elivator."Can we visit her,Wanda?"Peter asks."You remember."she respond understanding.Peter nods."Of course we can,but maybe it´s better when we go tomorrow morning."Wanda suggests,but Peter shakes his head."Can we go know please?"he asks begging."Okay,what about you go change first and I go look for some flowers?Can´t go there without flowers,right?"Wanda answers.Peter only nods and goes inside his room.10 minutes later they are on their way to the cemetery,walking in silence.Wanda knows the way to your grave and walks first,peter follows her,holding the flowers Wanda got from Vision this morning.He wouldn´t mind.Peter puts the flowers on your grave,falls on his knees and starts crying again.For a while this was all they did,Peter crying on his knees and Wanda trying to comfort him."I miss her Wanda."Peter says with a shaking voice."I know Peter,we all do."she responds."It´s getting pretty late Peter,we should go.We can come back tomorrow."Wanda says."Can you give me a moment?"Peter asks.Wanda nods understanding and starts walking away."I love you too."Peter says,kisses the gravestone and follows Wanda.

The End

[tay6119]

AO3 DNF fic List

Here it is

The moment you’ve been waiting for

There’s so many good fics out there so do some searching on your own too!

These ones are just some of my favs :)

Not What It Seems Incomplete

This one has some really heavy topics, so read all the content/trigger warnings first before you read it :)

I really like the writing style and how realistically the author deals with the issues of an abusive relationship. While I don’t have experience with one and I don’t truly know, the fact George stays quiet about what’s going on and his friends notice something is up, but they don’t want to say something in fear of being wrong just seems real to me.

Overall good read and I can not WAIT until it finishes up and we get to see a happy ending (fingers crossed)

You’ll Never Have to Be Alone... Incomplete

I don’t even know where to begin with this one.

I am just a sucker for George being in danger/Dream being protective ok..

Basically George has a stalker, someone after him, and Dream immediately flies to Florida to be by George’s side to keep him safe.

This one hasn’t been updated in about a month, but I remain hopeful the next part will come soon and I can just see my boys be happy.

Quiet Dreams of You and I Incomplete

I feel like anyone who knows me at all would automatically understand my love for fake relationship fics.

Here’s one right here for you!

The story is pretty much only beginning as of now, but pretty much Dream and George are going on vacation with Dream’s ex and her new boyfriend.

I like the fact it isn’t immediately George and Dream falling in love and is seeming as though it’s going to be a more slow process as Dream is still struggling to get over his ex.

Feast or Famine Incomplete

This one isn’t really DNF-centric, but oh. my. god.

An absolutely amazingly well-written story so far.

It’s an irl MCC au, with our favorite youtubers as the competitors with the event basically being like an olympics.

The concept is that they all get uploaded into a simulation for MCC, but something goes wrong with the system...

I won’t reveal anymore, you just have to read it :)

I Just Need Time (But I’m All Out) Incomplete

THIS ONE IS BY GENESIS

I had this down to include before I knew that so I swear I’m not just simping ok

I love me when a story is so angsty and then it all just gets wrapped up with that good ol’ comfort in the end.

Genesis did an amazing job at portraying the character’s emotions and the progression of their argument just makes sense to me with how they both feel guilty, but are too far to stop themselves

Keep Quiet Incomplete

MAFIA AU

Basically George gets asked by Dream, Sapnap, and Wilbur to help them out with a huge bank heist.

While it’s a pretty serious story overall, there are many lighthearted moments that keep it from being too heavy.

A nice break from so much angst everywhere.

Like Magic Incomplete

This is a call for more Harry Potter AUs please

George is a muggle-born and Dream is a pureblood.

The plot is absolutely amazing and pretty much follows our favorite simps through their life at Hogwarts.

There are so many good and cute moments with all our favorite CCs, but the story also handles heavy topics like racism towards muggles extremely well.

Please please read it, this author, like the rest, deserves so much love

Crown of Straw, Sword of Gold Incomplete

Knight and king AU!!

Y’all should know I can’t have this kind of list without that au involved let’s be honest here.

There were so many I could’ve picked from, but this is definitely one of my favorites.

The fact that Dream and George don’t particularly like each other, but Dream is still protective (I’m predictable, I know) i just everything to me. They’re basically forced to be together as Dream is George’s knight.

We love a good enemies to lovers, don’t we?

Dance with Me (Sway with Me) Complete

This fic literally has me so soft. George and Dream are just in love and they’re assassins. Is there a better combination than that?

A bit of angst, but completely made up for with all that sexual tension.

Last chapter has NSFW, but it is still a good read and you can get a complete story without reading the sexual bits which is much appreciated even though I don’t always mind it too much

I really tried to keep it so I didn’t just put like 10 Apocalypse AUs or sth because I’m a SUCKER for those and like medieval AUs, so I hope there’s a good variety :) APPRECIATE THESE AUTHORS and any other authors u come across please <33 Sorry most of them are incomplete, I tend to not add a book to my bookmarks unless I’m waiting for an update which is so dumb because then I can never find fics I want to reread gefwdhuijk