#i remembered it existed and was instantly hyperfixated again

[digitalmaemae]

in my b-daman era again

[eggmeralda]

I need a massive sudden hyperfixation shock to happen again

[justali-anne]

For Undertale's eighth anniversary (I know I'm a day late I'm so sorry), I want to know what your experiences are with the game. I'll go first.

Undertale came out when I was 10 years old. I didn't know it existed then, but over the next 2 years, I had heard of it from somewhere. However, I also heard of the fandom and how crazy it was so I avoided Undertale like the plague. It was kind of a trend at the time when lots of people talked about Undertale and memed it to death, and I'm not the type to follow along with trends. Besides, I liked... something else at the time.

When the hype died down, I promptly forgot about the game too, but I still remembered Sans. Who would? He's an icon. That was until around 2020 when my sister was religiously watching these Minecraft music videos of certain fan songs, mostly from Five Nights at Freddy's, Bendy and the Ink Machine... and Undertale. I was interested in the Undertale one. Then I started putting more research into the game, and oh my gosh. I was surprised at how GOOD it was.

I fell in (platonic) love with Papyrus instantly. He was my favourite for a while. Just him. I was obsessed with finding out everything about him. I listened to songs, I looked at fanart and fanfics, I wanted to know EVERYTHING about Papyrus. If it weren't for Papyrus, I wouldn't have gotten into Undertale as much as I am now.

I then wondered why Sans was so popular. I looked into him too, and, I kid you not, I cried when I found out what he was going through. He instantly became another favourite, and for a while, I did the exact same thing for him as I did for Papyrus: obsessively find out everything about him. Hyperfixations are crazy.

Anyway, for a while, I was just watching playthroughs and researching the game. I didn't have it myself. I wanted to save up for it on my own. However, after a very bad day at school, my parents surprised me by downloading Undertale onto my Nintendo Switch. I am forever grateful for that.

During my first playthrough, I finally got to know more characters. I already knew about some of them from the comic dubs I watched on YouTube, but I didn't know all their names. I only knew Sans, Papyrus, Toriel, Flowey and Frisk. And then I met the others. The characters are my favourite part of ANYTHING I am interested in, and Undertale is no different. I got attached to all the characters: Undyne, Asgore, Alphys, Mettaton, Napstablook, and the ones I already mentioned. My first playthrough was magical, but it was frustrating at the same time.

Undyne was the hardest for me. I had to RESET because of her because I had no money and no items. And then there was Asgore. Photoshop Flowey was my favourite boss fight, and I loved befriending everyone, especially Undyne. She's really fun.

After I did the True Pacifist Route, I vowed never to reset. However, I... broke that promise. I did another Pacifist Route a few months later, but only because I wanted to fight Photoshop Flowey again. After a few more Pacifists, I stopped for good.

Nowadays, I create my own private stories about what the crew would do on the surface, as well as other AUs and stories I came up with. I still read Undertale comics and look at Undertale-related posts on Tumblr, and despite its flaws, I can see how much the fandom loves the game. I surely do.

Happy anniversary, Undertale. 8 years have flown very fast.

[thegracelessfaceless]

*slithers in*

Can I request some Helen headcanons? Just like general dating him and maybe some nsfw if possible.

@mutat-ad-astra , ₐᄂᵣᵢg𝓱𝚝 yₒᵤ'ᵥₑ 𝚍ₒ𝚗ₑ ᵢ𝚝 𝚗ₒw. ᵢ'ᵥₑ 𝚋ₑ𝚌ₒᗰₑ ₐ 𝘴ᵢᗰ𝐩 fₒᵣ Hₑᄂₑ𝚗 . W𝓱ₐ𝚝 𝚍ₒ yₒᵤ 𝓱ₐᵥₑ 𝚝ₒ 𝘴ₐy fₒᵣ yₒᵤᵣ𝘴ₑᄂf??

(づ￣ ³￣)づ

ꇙꄲ ꇙ꒐ꋊꉔꏂ ꓄ꁝ꒐ꇙ ꉣꄲꇙ꓄ ꉔꋬꂵꏂ ꄲ꒤꓄ ꇙꄲ ꒒ꄲꋊꍌ, ꒐'ꂵ ꍌꄲ꒐ꋊꍌ ꓄ꄲ ꅐꋪ꒐꓄ꏂ ꋬꋊ꒯ ꉣꄲꇙ꓄ ꁝꏂ꒒ꏂꋊ'ꇙ ꋊꇙꊰꅐ ꒐ꋊ ꒐꓄ꇙ ꄲꅐꋊ, ꍌ꒒ꄲꋪ꒐ꄲ꒤ꇙ ꉣꄲꇙ꓄ ❤

ᕼᗴᒪᗴᑎ ᗝ丅Ꭵᔕ/ᗷᒪᗝᗝᗪƳ ᑭᗩᎥᑎ丅ᗴᖇ ᖇᗴᒪᗩ丅ᎥᗝᑎᔕᕼᎥᑭ ᕼᗴᗩᗪᑕᗩᑎᗝᑎᔕ

(With a fem!SO)

♡Let's just get canon out of the way real quick.

♡Helen is very calm and quiet

♡He isn't very expressive and doesn't speak much, but when he does, he's always the picture of the perfect gentleman.

♡If something doesn't concern him, Helen is pretty apathetic towards it. However, if it's something he cares about, Helen will be very passionate.

♡His parents treated him as a pet or toy, and this caused Helen to have repression issues.

♡He won't show emotion towards a person unless they show emotion first, then he will reciprocate. This is essential to remember as Helen's significant other; you'll have to make the first move every time.

♡Helen's a Libra. His birthday is October 1st

♡Helen's parents were so excited when they found out they were going to be parents. That night, Helen's mother dreamed that she had a beautiful baby girl with delicate features, the deepest blue eyes that she had ever seen, and coal black hair so fine that it looked like dark lace against the baby girl's alabaster skin. She woke up certain that she was pregnant with a baby girl that looked just like in her dream. Mrs. Otis went into labor and delivered a baby that indeed looked just like in her dream, but it was a boy. So they decided to continue on and name him Helen, and raise him as they would a little girl.

♡This treatment continued until he started school at six. Then his parents decided to dress him as and refer to him as a boy in order to not draw attention.

♡Helen still suffers from body dysphoria because of this. For a long time, Helen couldn't reconcile whether he was male or female in his mind, so he existed in a chaotic state of one, the other, both and neither all at the same time. Now- after years of therapy, and a great deal of time building his trust with Reader, Helen identifies as agender preferring he/they/it pronouns and a refined but masculine aesthetic.

♡Reader is the only person allowed to call him Helen. And even she doesn't do it often, only when she's serious. He prefers Reader to call him darling, love, honey, dear, and, if he's feeling frisky, Sir 😍. All others may refer to him by his surname, Otis.

♡Helen can be quite manipulative and his intelligence is obvious

♡While in "working" mode, Helen is very cautious of the scene he his creating, and presents every body as if it were a canvas to bear his work.

♡His fascination with blood stems from his childhood. He had always had trouble making friends, only managing one at a time and spaced distantly apart. His only childhood friend had been murdered by bullies in the park, rocks thrown at him for being friends with that "weird sissyboy kid" until one struck his temple, killing him instantly. The bullies had hurriedly buried his friend in the deep snow from the night before. Helen knew this, he had told you, because he had watched it all from his perch in a tree. After the bullies had fled, Helen had uncovered his friend and stared at his body lying in red stained snow, and the bullies later blamed Helen with his friends death. Ultimately, he had been cleared, as there had been a witness in the park.

♡The false accusations of murder didn't stop there, much to your displeasure.

♡In high school, a classmate of Helen's, one who happened to be Helen's only friend, fell from the building and died. A witness said that Helen had killed him, but no concrete evidence was found.

♡Not to say that Helen is an angel. You know he's far from that, too.

♡Later, the same year, as a freshman at university, Helen killed 17 people from his dorm building, and wounded 5 on Devil's Night (October 30th).

♡Helen was found insane by the courts as a minor and received 6 years of inpatient treatment before being released back into society.

♡He started "his work" again three years later, and then met you two years after that.

♡Helen smokes cigarettes (though not as much as Tim) and unwinds after "work" with music and a rum and Coke or whisky on the rocks.

♡Helen enjoys lofi hiphop; classical music; instrumental and instrumental covers of songs; music from the early 1960's like: Frankie Valli, The Big Bopper, the Animals, and the Zombies; and indie rock like The Flaming Lips, Harvey Danger, Dinosaur Jr, and The Smashing Pumpkins.

♡He loves discovering new music with you, listening to playlists you make him for hours. But you're gonna listen to some of his music, too and he makes playlists for you to play according to mood.

♡Helen's love languages are: quality time, acts of service, and words of affirmation. But the love languages he craves are: all of them except receiving gifts! Getting a gift is uncomfortable for Helen, especially if he has no gift to give back. He wants you to feel just as appreciated as you feel, if not more.

♡Helen thought that he was completely asexual before he met you. No one he had met had ever... Moved him in that way. And he was fine with that. Why should he mourn something he'd never even wanted?

♡And then he met you at an antique art showcase of pieces by and inspired by René Magritte. (Example here: ◎▼◎) After you spent hours together at the show, exchanging witty banter, and eventually, phone numbers, Helen found himself thinking about you that night, alone in bed. And then his mind wondered something it had never thought about anyone else. He wondered what you looked like naked. What your skin would feel like. How would you taste?

♡He frowned to himself, confused by the foreign thought for a moment before he realized that he felt sexual desire for you.

♡It still took him a long while of dating you before he felt comfortable enough to even kiss you in a sexual way. The two of you were practically engaged when he gave you his virginity.

♡Bonus wholesome content headcanon/drabble: Once you convinced Helen to bleach his naturally blue black hair. Not wanting to disappoint you, and telling himself that it was just hair, he consented and you happily set to work. An hour later, he emerged from the shower with a shock of platinum white hair 😱. He had to support himself with a hand on the back of the couch because his knees started shaking when he caught a glance of himself in the mirror over the fireplace. A long, thin fingered hand with a fine tremor lifted to cover his mouth. You knew without him telling you that he absolutely, 100%, no doubt, undisputedly hated it. His already porcelain skin had paled even more, now trembling chalk instead of bone China. His midnight blue eyes held a sort of flinching terror in them as they tried to look anywhere but the vicinity of the mantle mirror. You approached him gently and pulled the towel thrown around his shoulders loose and used his shoulder to balance you as you went up on tiptoe to finish drying his now shockingly white hair.

♡You leave Helen waiting shirtless in the living room to deal with putting his shoes and socks on and you pull on a light jacket to guard against the chill that manages to never be around when we need it during the daytime hours as you enter yours and Helen's shared bedroom. You find Helen a clean black tee shirt and pick up one of your beanies from the coatrack behind the bedroom door. This one was black with a tree frog leaping over the words Frog Leap Studios done in a typewriter font in white thread, a circle of bright blue making the frogs eye stand out.

♡You take the shirt and beanie to Helen and he pulls the shirt on. You feel a little sad that he's covering up, but there would be time to enjoy his body later. Helen sits on the couch so you can slip the beanie over his baby fine hair easier than going up on tiptoe to match his 6'2" lean frame. The bleach may have stolen its darkness, but it couldn't steal its softness. Helen's hair was probably the softest thing you'd ever touched.

♡Hair sufficiently covered, you and Helen get into your car and head to the only place open at the hour of 3:24 in the morning. Walmart. Your sleep schedule had never been normal and Helen didn't help you normalize it at all. In fact, if anything it had gotten worse, the two of you wrapped up in your own hyperfixations, leaned up against each other back to back, or one of you holding the other as one of you writes while the other draws.

♡You feel Helen's hand find your thigh and squeeze it, letting you know he's not upset with you. You reached down and covered his hand with yours, returning the squeeze and you finish out the short ride more relaxed now that you know Helen isn't mad at you. Helen follows you to the beauty section once you're inside the store. He patiently watches as you pick out boxes from 4 different companies.

♡An amused Helen watches you as you quibble with the four boxes. You shuffle through them, running through them over and over like a person considering their hand while playing cards.

♡You end up with him bending down slightly again so you can compare the dyes to his eyebrows. He thinks it's the sweetest thing that you're going through such a clear effort to fix his hair. Obviously you feel responsible for the mistake and he hates that.

♡Gently taking the boxes from your hands, he picks a random red and black one from the four you were debating between and puts the rest back on the shelf.

♡Then Helen pulls you into his arms and holds you tight and close, burying a kiss on top of your head. You smile into his chest, breathing in the scent of paint, paint thinner, lavender shampoo, and jasmine soap. On anyone else, the paint thinner smell would have made you sick. But on Helen, it just smelled like home. You two stay in your embrace, Helen swaying slightly to a beat only he could hear. A stolen moment, a stolen dance, to help ground yourselves.

♡Helen broke the hug after a few moments more, but kept hold of your hand. You walk to the checkout line and pay almost $10 for the dye. The price gave you a mild case of sticker shock, but you shook it off and smiled at the older cashier, who was beaming as her eyes moved between you and Helen. The two of you seemed to get that reaction from older people. That look of pure hope that more people got to experience the love that shone between you. You both thank the cashier repeatedly as Helen payed her the money needed.

"You two have a good night" she smiled at us, "the world needs more couples that look at each other the way you do. You look, at each other like you're reach others entire worlds."

"She is" Helen says softly, pulling me into a hug and a quick kiss, "She's my whole universe."

♡You're pretty certain that the woman's smile could not get bigger. But you didn't really want to find out, since you were starting to notice that her teeth were huge and you were starting to get squicked out by it. Helen must have picked up on your discomfort because he led you away in the protective half circle of his arm.

♡"My knight in shining armor" you croon at him as you walk back to the car, "Thank you for saving me. I am forever in your debt. However could I repay you, Sir?"

♡Helen took in a sharp breath and chuckled as he slowly let it out, "I can think of a few things."

♡"You'll have to show me when you have the time" I teased as Helen opened your car door for me. He'd taught you that chivalry was not dead, and you'd realized that it would be easier to let Helen be a gentleman than it would be to convince him that you could open your own doors.

♡You drove home and locked the doors behind you. You headed straight for the bathroom and Helen borrowed a stool from the island bar to sit on so you could reach all of his head.

♡Twenty minutes later, you threw dye covered vinyl gloves in the trash and settled an old towel around Helen's shoulders and neck to keep the dye from dripping on him. You'd clipped a pillowcase over his hair and you had just finished hitting the dye with heat to assure his hair took the dye well, absorbed it.

♡Helen smiled contentedly up at you from his spot on the stool.

♡You tilted his chin up to kiss him. He kissed you back and then sent soft kisses across your cheek and jawbone, and then kissed and nipped down your neck. Helen focused his kisses back on your lips, kissing you like the kisses would magically cure everything, would keep you alive.

♡The timer you'd set so Helen would know when to wash the dye out of his hair went off, and Helen stood

♡Having already taken off his shirt, Helen unfastened his jeans and let them slide down his legs, stepping out of them as they pooled around his feet, leaving him completely nude, comfortable.

♡instead of getting in the shower, Helen pulled you closer to the shower and used his nimble hands to liberate you of your clothes. Before you could protest, or even decide if ypu wanted to get in, Helen had pulled you under the spray of the shower and he stood in it now, extra dye streaming in lines

♡You turned Helen's back to you and massaged his scalp as the water rinsed the excess dye down the drain. When the water ran clear, you massaged some of the color protect conditioner that came with the dye and Helen switched places with you, his hands never leaving your hips so he could catch you if you slipped.

♡Helen washes your back for you and then your hair, lathering up a clean washcloth with jasmine soap and making sure not to miss a spot. Then he rubbed some lavender scented shampoo into my hair. Then he rinsed it and repeated the process before leaving some conditioner to sit in my hair.

♡Finally Helen worked some conditioner into your hair that matched the shampoo. You help Helen rinse everything from his hair and you condition his hair with the rest of the conditioner that came with the dye.

♡Showers with Helen always end up with him bathing you, his hands and keen eye not missing a single millimeter of your skin. Showers rarely turned sexual between the two of you, instead the two of you focused on the intimacy of showering together.

♡After all the soap and hair products are rinsed from both of you, Helen turned off the water and wrapped you in warm towels, quickly drying himself off and slinging a towel around his hips.

♡Helen obviously felt better once his hair was back to its natural inky darkness.

♡You could tell from the mischievous grin he wore as he escorted you to the bedroom.

AN: so I wrote on this well into the night... Fell asleep in the process a few times 😅. If you see continuity issues with the POV, let me know so I can fix it. I kept wanting to write in first person 😂

[obaewankenope]

Okay so, I have ADHD. I'm 18 and was diagnosed 2 months ago? Maybe one? I don't remember. Anyways, I'm constantly thinking about and bouncing between the "hey it's okay you can't do this, it's not your fault, you just need some extra help and you can do it!!!" and "you're so stupid, just try harder, if you cared enough you'd be able to do it. why are you asking for special treatment and being a burden?" lines of thinking.

And that, especially lately, has led me to hyperfixating on the fear that, hey, maybe even when I do start medication and have finally figured out how to manage this with my therapist... what if I still can't do it?

This is especially difficult when it comes to art. I'm an aspiring artist & illustrator, and the struggle to do something that I love so much is so incredibly frustrating.

And it makes me worry that, even when I am finally medicated and have what I need, and even now when I'm REALLY struggling... maybe the problem is me and not the clearly albeist system I'm forced to work in.

Maybe I don't love it enough. Maybe I'm not as passionate and dedicated and driven to succeed with my art as I think I am. And it is so unbelievably soul crushing to think that because, that's it for me, that's all I can think to do with my life. I don't really have anything else, which I know sounds dramatic but, yeah. And the idea that I might not care for it enough, or that simply caring for it isn't enough, is really messing with me.

Uh so I'm not really sure what I'm asking aside from, WHAT DO I DO? How do I manage this? How do you deal with the imposter syndrome? Help????

Okay so, there's a LOT to unpack here, bean, and we're gonna do it now at 2:39am because why the fuck not, right?

You're 18 which means your brain is still developing. That means you have to deal with the chaotic brain chemistry that comes with growing on top of the chaos of adhd. That sucks.

The whole swings and roundabouts thinking on your ability is, sadly, very common. Too common to be as normalised as it is tbh. The first thought process is the Good One. That's the one that is Accurate To You And Your Needs. The second thought process is the Society Mindset Of Judgement.

I call thoughts like that "brain weasels" - a concept my friend Lily mentioned one day in chat and I just instantly accepted it as reality.

All those bad thoughts, all those moments of "you're a failure" are given a Name in my mind. That is Brian. Brain Weasel Brian. My mother calls them Brain Weasel Paddy.

I heartily advocate that sort of thing. Adopting this method of Attributing A Name to the thoughts that Don't Help You, is a good method of teaching your brain to separate the bad thoughts and the good ones that help.

Sometimes it doesn't work. In my depressive episodes, it doesn't work great if at all. But that happens. Sometimes nothing helps then. Sometimes existing is about as much as I can manage. It's Sucky but it's not permanent.

Rarely, is anything truly permanent. We just tend to think they are.

Next, hyper fixating on fear.

Again, pretty damned normal if also very sucky. Our brains, no matter whether we're neurodiverse or not, are Very Good at remembering the bad and giving up lots of Risk Lists to consider. This mechanism helps us as a species in the wild, of course, but in the world we live in now... well, it's not the best mechanism out there.

We can't stop it, though. It's part of our evolution as humans. We can figure out tricks to help manage it. See, the biggest problem we have with fear and anxiety is we try to push it down and away or we obsess over it. Those are the worst options.

Anxiety and fear have to be imagined to be like smoke. Its there in the air. Its part of it when a fire happens and we need fires for warmth. So anxiety and fear is natural. It's healthy to have both but not so much that we can't function. The mechanism is messing up if we can't function.

Anyway.

Have you ever tried to capture smoke in your hands? It's not possible. You can't cup your hands like you would with water, can't grip it like you would a solid. No. Because smoke is a gas and it moves and shifts and fills up any space it can.

Anxiety and fear are like smoke. They're part of everything and exists because of Reasons and they can be a good thing but can also be a bad thing too.

It can also become too familiar for us sometimes. Like a smoker who lights up and savours the smell of a burning cigarette.

We cling to what we know even if what we know is bad for us. It's human nature. But just because we cling to what we know doesn't mean we can't be brave and let it go. That's human nature too.

We're a species of messy contradictions, after all.

Medication helps the brain chemistry and assists that fear and anxiety mechanism. It's not a cure, contrary to belief, but it will help. Therapy helps you work through things and medication helps settle your brain which will help you further.

Does that mean it's going to fix you? No, because you're not broken. You're different but not broken.

With your art and illustration and your desire to become an illustrator, I can wholly understand the frustration you feel.

But I wonder, does that frustration stem from fear of failure or from feeling so many emotions and not being able to figure out their source?

If its the former, then that's understandable. We all fear failure. But sometimes, it's not failure we actually fear. What we really fear is success. Because we don't know what to do if we succeed. That's a long term thing.

Failure can be immediate and short term. It's something we can think about in the immediate future because our brains are able to follow the tangent of time enough for that.

But success. Success means long term considerations. It means thinking about what comes after. It means considering potential promotions, opportunities, work pieces, connections and so on. It means thinking of those things beyond the short term where our brain's are most comfortable.

ADHD brains are not really built for long term planning. We're good planners for short term things. Good problem solvers. But rarely is it a long term sort of solution we come up with.

Not because we can't, but because we get so mirred in the details, in the What Ifs and the Possibilities that we lose our focus on the Whole Picture. We lose the tangent.

I don't necessarily think you're not passionate enough. Hardly anyone who draws lacks passion. They may lack technique, but passion... That's something any artist needs in my opinion. Even just a spark.

But being able to use that passion, to convey it, now that's the challenge. That's Hard.

Sometimes it's next to impossible.

The thing is, ADHD and Autism make you feel things Deeply and Chaotically. This makes you struggle to process those feelings.

Being a young adult with Expectations and Responsibilities on top of sucky brain growth chemistry just makes that struggle worse.

You may not be able to channel your passion into your art currently, but that doesn't mean you don't have it.

Think of your passion like a tube that's got a blockage in it. The pressure inside is immense but you've got nothing on hand to remove the blockage. It'll take time to develop the tools, to find them, to help. Or. It might have to remove itself.

This doesn't make you lacking in passion. It just makes you temporarily injured in the passion department. We don't blame someone for a sprained ankle resting. Don't blame yourself for taking time off because of this.

Imposter syndrome is... Hard. So, so hard.

I don't have an answer for you about how to handle it. I do a pretty poor job of it myself. I fake confidence, am awful at accepting praise, and constantly feel inadequate. I just hide it really well.

But that's emotion. That's fear and doubt and anxiety. That's societal expectations stoking the emotional disturbance of imposter syndrome.

Logic tells me different.

But logic is hard to believe. Especially when the emotions are very Loud and Distracting.

Sometimes you have to call those doubts and fears for what they are: Brain Weasels.

Sometimes you have to think of it all like it's smoke.

Sometimes you have to sit down and meditate, crossing a mental bridge between reason and emotion to deliver a message to both sides.

We are individuals who pick out pebbles from the river and admire them. Sometimes we keep them. Sometimes we put them back. Most times, we move on. Those pebbles are difficulties, challenges, doubts.

ADHD tends to try and keep the pebbles. Imposter syndrome uses them as building blocks.

Sometimes you have to dig out the foundations and toss those pebbles back before you can start to work on fixing up the rest.

This has become very rambly now, I'm sorry. Its 3:24am and I need to sleep. I do hope this helps in some way, though. If not for you, then for others.

[lil-demi-boy]

[BOOP] You've been BOOP'd! Gush about your 5 newest f/o's and your 5 oldest f/o's and pass the BOOP to 5 other self shippers!

Oh wow 10 whole gushes, I’ll go ahead n put this under a read more

I don’t fully remember who I’ve added in what order, but I know Jaime, Haemon, Ross, and Tybalt are new, and though I’ve had Hizashi for a while, I wanna talk about him too 

So CL and I have made some more recent stuff about Jaime and Dan, like their first kiss being accidental- Like they trip into each other and make contact, but once they realize what just happened, they’re both v flustered and blooshy and require a good 5 minutes to calm down Though when they do finally kiss for realsies, it’s rly soft and sweet ;v; The slow burn is to die for n I love it

Haemon’s backstory has been expanded too!  We figured he’d be from a rich family, though he’d have the type of parents who would get him what he wanted so he’d stay out of their hair.  Unfortunately this gave him a complex, so now he tends to throw a fit when he doesn’t get what he wants, especially if he wants someone to date him- so that was fun to work out

As for Ross, he was originally called Chris P. by me n CL but then I was in the Eddsworld Patreon AMA (I got to talk to the real Bing and Matt and I’m still giddy abt it-) they said that Chris is actually named and modeled after a friend of theirs named Ross, so that character is just called Ross.  I like his skeleton arm and taste in chicken.

Tybalt was one of my first islanders in Animal Crossing New Horizons!  He and Tabby were so sweet to me when I first arrived, and though I don’t usually go for the jock types, Tybalt was always just so sweet and encouraging to me, I couldn’t help but fall in love with him ;v;

And Hizashi (aka Present Mic) has been on my list for a while, but I saw a comic of him recently that just made me fall deeper for him and really think about a relationship with him.  He’s a DJ and clearly likes music, and music is one of my hyperfixations, so we would just be able to geek out about our favorite songs and make each other mixtapes and playlists and such,,  he goode

As for oldest, if I can remember correctly, I believe they’re TP Link, Danny Fenton, Manny Rivera, Randy Cunningham, and N

Twilight Princess Link occupied my head rent free for years when I was younger- I’d take the TP guide book to school and read it over and over again, getting every bit of lore that I could from it, I’d draw Link all over the place, my proudest drawing at the time being when I tried to draw him in a certain pose from the book (and it impressed everyone around me, which was a Great Feeling).  Nowadays I just admire him and am thankful for his existence 

Danny Fenton was one that my mom would tease me about bc it was very obvious I had it bad for him when I was a kid.  To the point I watched it any time it was on and wound up watching every episode without having to look them up- I just watched them when they came on and happened to catch them all (I also don’t get the hate for Phantom Planet like,,, they turned Earth invisible, that’s badass) Now I ship with him in an AU where he aged with me, so he’s 31 at this point.  I’m still working on the AU though so I don’t have a lot of details in it aside from the fact that it’s a crossover AU with the rest of the Secret Trio + Manny from El Tigre

Speaking of which, Manny was another favorite of mine as a kid- I loved watching the show and drawing him and looking up cool AMVs n such once I got access to the internet.  I always thought he and Frieda would be fun to be friends and hang out with Now in the Secret Trio AU, he’s 27, and although he does have a super hero alter ego, he’s not part of the team.  Mostly because his identity isn’t a secret; everyone knows he’s El Tigre

Randy Cunningham was a later edition due to his show not coming out until 2012.  Even then, I was so excited for it- I was fresh in an Invader Zim phase and I heard that Jhonen Vasquez did the character designs n such for the show, so ofc I had to watch it.  And I loved it; Ben Schwartz’s voice and the stupid stuff Randy does and says just made me fall for him p much instantly.  He’s probably one of the characters I drew the most ship art of at the time, now that I think about it In the current AU, he’s my age, 22 (I legit was stoked to be in the 9th grade at the same time as him, granted my school didn’t have a Tim Curry demon underneath it or a ninja to protect it but y’know) so he’s the youngest of the trio

And N I admittedly didn’t do a lot with when I was younger, I just kinda held on to him over the years.  He’s really genuine and sweet though, and going on those ferris wheel rides with him in Black was something I dreamt of often =u=

Well this was super long- if you made it this far, thank you for reading all of that cause lord knows you didn’t have to

[azuremist]

Caroline from @sparklecarehospital has ADHD: an infodump

Please note that all information on ADHD provided is from my own experiences as an ADHD person, and what I know from my psychology research!

1. Lack of restraint/impulsivity

Carrie’s impulsivity is arguably one of their most notable character traits made clear in the first volume; joining Uni in their attempt to get out of the hospital, which is extremely dangerous. However, the extent of this lack of restraint is made most clear through her interactions with Hemera; not only through Hem’s descriptions of them, but also Carrie’s own treatment of Hem.

Caroline is described by Hemera as treating their lives as not a big deal, and unable to care for themself or other people. Carrie dismisses it as ‘not a big deal’, showing that she doesn’t really care about the consequences of their actions; including her own death. (This could also show apathy, which is a symptom of depression; something extremely common in people with ADHD.)

This is also shown minorly with Caroline breaking character with their and Uni’s puppet show:

Also, with their treatment of Hemera. Clearly, you can see with the examples given above that Caroline is extremely dismissive of Hemera, and doesn’t seem to like her at all. However, when Uni brings up wanting to leave a good impression on Hemera...

She is convinced to help almost instantly. This shows they actually do care about what Hemera thinks of them, and not even in an aggressive ‘I’ll prove you wrong’ way. In a genuine way; it shows on her face.

But when they next see Hemera...

Again with the aggression. Aggression and irritability, in-of itself, are actually symptoms of ADHD. But I think that this more so shows that Carrie cares about Hemera and her opinion of them, but, once they are face-to-face with them, they are impulsively angry.

Speaking of caring about others’ opinion of themself, this leads nicely into:

2. RSD

RSD stands for ‘rejection sensitive dysphoria’. It describes the extreme sensitivity to feelings of abandonment or rejection that people with ADHD experience. It’s not just your regular, run-of-the-mill sensitivity to rejection. It can feel crippling.

And while this hasn’t come up in the story quite yet, there’s this very interesting tidbit from Carrie’s patient sheet:

I think we can agree that getting jealous over others spending time with people other than one’s self, and being described as ‘impossible for her to be considerate’, is not the typical jealousy. I think the way that Caroline experiences jealousy is probably caused by some sort of mental illness or disability; and RSD seems to fit the bill extremely well.

This could also contribute to Caroline caring about what Hemera thinks about her while also being dismissive to her face. What Hemera says might trigger Caroline’s RSD, but either they actively try to hide it or they are impulsively rude to Hemera.

3. Infantalizing of disabilities

ADHD is arguably one of the most infantalized disabilities; to the point where even the name of the affliction sounds infantalizing. ADHD is a complicated disability, often compared to autism, which has many facets and symptoms. And yet it’s basically called ‘trouble sitting still disorder’.

Caroline seems sensitive to infantalization of disabilities, as shown here:

If Carrie had no disabilities or mental illnesses, it would be odd for her to care this much as to be able to (in my opinion, correctly) randomly guess this as the reason Hemera cared so much about Jay. I mean, Sparklecare takes place in a universe where homophobia isn’t a thing, so maybe it’s also a world where someone without a disability would care about disabled people like this. But I can also very clearly see Caroline being defensive over disabilities being infantalized because their disability is infantalized.

4. Stimming

ADHD, just like autism, has people stim (though it’s often dismissed as ‘fidgeting’ in ADHD people). Multiple times through the comic and official art, Carrie is shown chewing on paperclips, but it’s most clearly shown in these panels:

Carrie chewing on paperclips could be her stimming, or otherwise fidgeting. Chewy necklaces exist for this reason; for people who stim to chew on instead of anything dangerous.

5. Hyperfixations/forgetfulness

Again, like autistic people, people with ADHD experience extreme fixations onto things, which is called ‘hyperfixations’ when seen in ADHD people. And I hardly need to explain that ADHD people are forgetful; it’s part of the base public knowledge about the disorder.

That’s what makes this part of Carrie’s patient sheet interesting:

I don’t think anybody else in this series except for Carrie knows or cares about encryption, even confusing them, making it mostly useless except for Caroline’s own gain. They also doodle their encryptions all over their arms and legs, which shows that they are enthusiastic about encryption and secret code. This might be a hyperfixation of hers.

Also, the reason described for why she does this is to remember them; it gives me the same vibes as a forgetful person writing ‘sign that form’ on the back of their hand to recall it later. Carrie apparently forgets things; or at least their plans; very easily and this is her way to remember them.

6. I have ADHD and I like Caroline

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

[kae-karo]

Hi I used to be into the phandom so much but fell out in like??? 2017??? Maybe??? Has anything big happened at all? Has anyone died/caught on fire ( ;) )??

oh dear god where do i begin??? well fortunately both our lads are still alive. let me just start with saying 2018 has been like. probably the best year for dnp to date? i’ll try to go in some kind of order here but bear with me i’ll touch on a bit of 2017 stuff and then go into 2018 for ya

so first of all i’m not sure when you left the phandom in 2017 but the lads moved out of their previous flat in april of last year (x) (april-ish it was def before they posted the vid)

also our dear lil dani snot on fire is no longer not on fire (x) so uhh is he on fire now ig? i mean yeah that’s arguably true

*insert phil’s badaladala sound bc on the scale of Significant Things i don’t think anything else massive happened*

day one of demon month, we got this amazing vid from phil wherein viewers (aka dan) picked his outfits n he looked like a snacc and a half (would’ve been 2 snaccs if he’d embraced the quiff sooner but that’s getting ahead of things) (x)

!!!! then a week or so later dan posted his vid ‘daniel and depression’ where he opened up abt his struggle with depression (x) which was imo the start of him just being more open about himself in general. he also started working with young minds (a mental health org for young people in the uk) and shortly thereafter with prince william’s program to help prevent cyberbullying

then! on the day love was invented! dnp released their board game, truth bombs (x - yeah i linked the second vid and not the first, and wot) which u can buy if you’d like but it’s a lot of fun (x)

then these idiots did a conjoined jumper baking challenge and didn’t fucking wear shirts under the jumper like what dumb gays idk (x) but it was real funny and Good Content

then early nov dnp announced the interactive introverts tour (x) and then uhhh it happened (like 80+ shows??? in a ton of countries???) (x) and they’re releasing the filming of it along with some bonus content like a director’s commentary and u can preorder it (x)

also pinof 9 happened which as a legacy phan u know is always a Thing but this year it was especially a Thing so i recommend catching up (x, and the bloops - x)

and phew okay that’s the majority of 2017 Important Events but before i go on to 2018 i’ll just recap a few important events from dapg (basically just some gamingmas stuff):

wherein dan smacked phil in the face

and phil crushed the presents but dan helped him up

where phil pretended not to remember gamingmas was happening, leading to the most iconic simultaneous heart eyes howell/love eyes lester to date

dnp singing baby it’s cold outside together whilst playing yasuhati

iconic pinof 9 moment

dnp play charades but it’s phil’s turn, and he’s touchy

the not my arms challenge!!! playing mario kart

okay! and before anyone starts yelling i know there’s more but god if i put every iconic thing in this post would break there’s Too Much so let’s hop into 2018 bc it’s gonna be a long one

first i cannot believe dan fucking gave phil a philussy cake and phil’s parents asked phil what it meant jfc dan (x)

THE EARRING!!! dan’s first selfie with the lil hoop and it never leaves and we love it (x)

phil is just trying to take a selfie and dan ruins it (x) spoiler alert: phil gets him back in colorado (x)

okay big sigh two large events happen in march: the first, dan’s ‘trying to live my truth’ vid (x) it basically dan saying ‘i’m still figuring things out but i want to be more authentic and true to myself, and also authenticity is important for some people to feel happy in life’ vid that a lot of people hyperfixated on the end line of, where he said he would go ‘laugh at a joke with a chocolate bar and...something else in my mouth’ which people assumed meant a dick and therefore it was a subtle coming out vid, dan did a liveshow afterward (x) wherein he said that wasn’t the point of the vid and people got mad at him for ‘backtracking’ (if u want more of my Opinions on this feel free to check em out - x)

the second v v big event happened at the end of march when phil posted this iconic selfie that would be the downfall of the fringe (x) this has been titled the quiffening by some

shortly after that he began styling his hair in a quiff permanently which was probably the best decision he’s made since responding to one of his obsessed fans back in 2009

quick detour dan’s proud of his hubby (x) for winning fortnite and ‘fuxkung’ is now what ‘fucking’ autocorrects to in my phone

we also had dan releasing his merch (x) which is basically all black and themed around the eclipse logo and ‘don’t talk to me’, though he just released the exist line for world mental health day which has his quote ‘have the courage to exist’. he’s also mentioned possibly wanting to do more creative things like wide-necked or asymmetrical shirts dan just do a fashion line pls oh and he mentioned in a recent ls he might do an internet support group mug sometime soon

and then,,,,,pigeonfest. we watched. five hours. of phil livestreaming their patio. and literally nothing happened bc someone was like down on the street feeding pigeons so there weren’t even any pigeons for like 90% of the liveshow. but he literally didn’t talk it was just five hours of their patio and we all watched it. we all just watched it like the whipped phannies we are (x)

and then we got a brief but overwhelming dose of,,,,,,something from the easter baking vid (x) phil was hopped up on sugar and also confidence from his quiff and probably smth else as well

everything just blows up from there we have giving the people what they want (x) where, in preparation for ii (for which the underlying theme was ‘giving people what they want’), dnp reacted to pinof 1, swapped clothes, did the ‘yoga challenge’, recreated ditl manchester, ‘got a dog’, and made phil say fuck. honestly it shook the entire phandom to its core at the time but like. i’m less shooketh now? it’s sort of just fallen by the wayside in terms of how unpredictable dnp have been this year

then phil drops week in the life of dnp shortly thereafter which is just very very domestic even for them and their ditl style vids??? (x) phil filming dan in bed being one of the big demon highlights at the time

it’s right around this time too that insta stories start and my god it just goes jfc like i don’t even have the mental capacity to recall all the Iconic ones but i recommend checking out this playlist (x) which has all the ii tour stories goddamn there were a lot though they really put out that content didn’t they

in early may we get phil talking about why he changed his emo hair (x) and arguably the first official vid of the casual rebrand - phil’s more open and genuinely vulnerable about his fears about making a change to his hair, and i don’t think we’ve ever seen him that open before. the vids don’t stop being open though, with what dnp text each other (x) giving us coop and doop along with other iconic stories, dnp basically sitting on top of each other in that and other gaming vids on the tour bus, phil being very open abt his attraction to men (x) and the iconic final google feud vid with way too much of a specific kind of Energy (x) (ofc again there are More Vids but i don’t have the time/mental capacity to recap them all so i’m pickin the Big Ones)

monochrome mates (x)

phew okay so the tour in general as well - like if u don’t mind spoilers, i did a big ol analysis of what that was all about (x) but one of many many highlights is dan calling he and phil “best friends and soulmates” 

finally finally finally after months of waiting we also get some phil merch! (x) plant and animal themed, and he even released a lion plushie which sold out like instantly and he claimed he’d do more of but we have yet to see that. he says he’s got more ideas for other merch as well

now okay fast forward to october after the tour’s over bc i think the insta stories and the analysis cover it but then. then. then we get the pizza mukbang (x) thirty three minutes of dnp being more open and honest and casual than literally they’ve ever been on camera maybe ever, and i’m including liveshows in this statement. no holds barred, authentic vulnerable dnp. a religious experience

end of october spooky week hits us and i think the key vid to call out here is the creepy mind of phil lester bc i think it was another open honest authentic vid (x) where they talked a lot, casual domestic w.e got some insight into phil’s mind it was v good

and then they carve pumpkins jfc which was an experience (x) there were a lot of innuendos but also one of the first years they didn’t do a halloween baking in a while (though they have hinted at possibly doing christmas baking) idk i’m fully overwhelmed at this point lmao like a Lot happened this year

phew okay and Then just yesterday philly dropped his vid on why he went to (the) hospital (x) idk soz that’s a british thing i think like we say ‘the’ anyway. which i’ve been talking abt quite a lot lately but it was another very open and honest vid in which he expressed a lot of vulnerability and fear and perceived flaws and it was just a quality like. open vid.

jfc okay hope that helps obviously there’s a lot i didn’t mention, but this should at least get you caught up on some of the big stuff!! and while i’m at it have a few more Important Gifs from this year

a very important moment of communication whilst on tour, deciding whether or not they’re okay with doing a ‘third wheel’ pose

dan flinging himself off the chair in anger whilst playing getting over it

nose boop from phil’s instagram explore pages vid

subsequent nose boop from the extreme tetris vid

and a cheek boop from the overcooked 2 vid

dan pulling phil’s hand off the mouse in fear during spooky week, swamp simulator (shrek slender)

touchy!dan during pizza mukbang

oh god. okay. again, this is not everything, just a big list of some big events over the past year-ish. i’m sure i’ve missed some important stuff but i think i covered most of it! hope this helps ya get caught up dear!

[notafraidofstopping876]

An apology and explanation to my followers who are probably sick of all my Twilight posts (and my general nonsense

Frankly, I’m amazed anybody is around for this garbage pile that is my Tumblr...but yeah I know Twilight has kind of taken over my blog lately so this is partially an explanation and also partially some lamenting/reflecting on the shit show that is my life

I’ll level with y’all. Back in 2008, I was in middle school and started reading the Twilight books and was instantly a Twihard. I went to the midnight releases, watched the films over and over, had all the merch, and spent hours on the fan sites and thought about the Twilight universe non-stop. 

A large part of it was my fascination with the vampire lore within the book, the powers, the mythology. I had never been much into fantasy, but these gripped me, and so did the characters. Most of all...I was entranced by the love story. 

(As an adult, I can definitely acknowledge that there are serious problems with the Edward/Bella relationship and series as a whole, but we’ll get back to that).

I don’t remember a time when I didn’t desperately want to experience a frenzied first love with a kind boy. I also don’t remember a time when I ever believed that would actually happen. I didn’t know this in 2008 but I was quickly developing what would lead to depression, anxiety, avoidant personality disorder, and a non-specified eating disorder. I truly loathed myself from a very early age and was very convinced that no one would ever love me in that way...not that I really knew anything about love at that age. 

But I couldn’t help but notice, even in eighth grade, that I was all but invisible to the opposite sex. Over and over adults told me “Oh, boys are just immature, their hormones will kick in eventually too...” So I waited, all the while trying to be available and friendly, to put myself out there for the potential of dating. This continued through high school...and by the time graduation came I’d yet to have a slow dance with a guy and had only one kiss and date to speak of. (The kiss was on that date and was barely a peck on the cheek, which was then ruined when he tried to feel me up without my consent). 

Meanwhile...anytime I opened one of the Twilight books, I was transported into a world where it was possible for a human girl who felt ordinary and out of place to catch the attention of a beautiful, chivalrous, glittering vampire who loved her with an unfathomable passion. Say what you will about Stephenie Meyer’s writing, but her words made me feel like I was the one being kissed, touched, worshiped, everything that I wasn’t in real life. 

I wasn’t stupid, I knew not to expect a real-life Edward Cullen. If my track record was any indication, it was unlikely I’d have a sweeping romance, But I figured it couldn’t hurt to pretend a little and live in the fantasy world for a little bit until maybe, just maybe, I could at least find someone to hold my hand or buy me dinner or something. 

So I went off to college and had become a closeted Twihard since the films had all now come out and the world as a whole was very “Anti-Twilight” and I  was anxious and self-conscious enough to not want to be made fun of by my book-snob friends who made fun of it. I was optimistic about college, especially in the dating department. The new pool of people, surely my chances would be better here?

WRONG. 

Okay, I did have a few happenings...mostly nonconsensual so I don’t count them. I had my first real kiss spontaneously with a stranger that I never saw again (and it was even better than I imagined), some boob action at a party with another guy I never saw again, and one date that had led nowhere. (To complicate things, I also figured out I was asexual my first year of college. While it did clear up a lot of things about myself, it also complicated my feelings about my non-existent love life). 

I know what you guys are probably thinking...I know being in a relationship will in no way fulfill/fix me. I am a very messed up person and will be having to work through all my crap until I’m dead probably...but that doesn’t change my deep longing to find love, even if it’s just once. 

Anyway, I’m out of college now. All of my crushes have turned and run to the hills, online dating has been a bust (only creeps ever message me). I have a great life, I really do, but the longing for love is still potent. 

Randomly my roommate wanted to watch some throwback movies from our teen years and Twilight came up...we rewatched the first movie and it all came crashing back. Of course, now I had Tumblr and discovered the Twilight Renaissance was a thing and had an outlet for my inner Twihard to come out and play. I started rereading all of the books, and all of the Bella/Edward romance is hitting me just as hard as it does the first time. I can’t stop rereading all the passages of Edward being the gentlemen and romantic he is and falling in love with him again...it’s this INSANE dopamine rush just like when I was thirteen. 

And that’s when it hit me...romantically, I have about the same level of maturity and experience as I did when I was thirteen. I’d long ago accepted that Edward Cullen was a fantasy...but I thought that by this point in my life, maybe I’d have had one relationship for the books.

So...that’s about where I’m at. I loathe myself, loathe how repulsive and/or invisible I am to men, and am using a hyperfixation on a fictional vampire as a coping mechanism. It’s probably not healthy but at least for a little bit, I can pretend that somebody is in love with me, even if they’re not real...because at this point I don’t think I’ll find anything or anyone else. 

[chimericchaos]

Hey yo peeps so something kinda... fun happened today and I(we, idk) thought we should share it

Here's where I would put a warning if I knew what warning to put, but I don't know what this qualifies as or if it even needs a warning so I'm just gonna put one anyway

Warning: ..... idk something about headmates I guess

Ok so today we were scrolling past screenshots from last year because of course we save all our screenshots eternally and yes they do take ALL the space and today I was tired of that so we decided to go through them and delete the ones that were not essential to life

So we saw this one picture of Aang from Avatar The Last Airbender, and guess what? The Brain Did The Thing. The same feeling as with the last new addition to the system (Akechi), there suddenly was this feeling of like a hyperfixation but also desperation(??) I guess. Like you try to scroll past it but you just instantly come back to it and for that moment all of existance is just about this one thing. Idk I still don't think I'm explaining this properly but whatever

Basically my brain lost its shit over a picture of Aang and, um, now I hear his voice in my head

Anyway yea so as we were discussing what the hell is going on, this little scene LITERALLY HAPPENED ALMOST WORD FOR WORD:

(line break thing indicating image because asdfasdfasdf)

(end of image)

So yea that happened, Hveðrungr had a hell of a laugh when it did, and gHost was in a state of dispear. Happy times.

Long story short, and about 2 hours later, we've gotten gHost to calm down by explaining Aang DOES have a reason to be here

The last week or so, the front has consisted almost entirely of Vi, Kazuko and Anger; with intermitted breaks here and there with Intellect and Ella making sure everything doesn't go to shit

That basically means the word "relax" was not in my vocabulary this past week, neither were "rest", "vacation", "careful" or "slow the fuck down". As you can imagine, I didn't feel like coming to work this morning

So again I don't know how to explain it, but I guess????? the brain decided????? we needed a break??? and someone to show us how????

Idk but so far the three main words we've heard from Aang are: Balance, Moderation and Temperance. Whatever that last word means. So I guess that's gonna be his role here??

Another thing gHost was hell bent on was (for some reason??? in hindsight how tf would this work?? like idek what he was thinking???) "tell me something only Aang would know" and somehow the response was "Katara likes turtle-ducks" and we were like "turtle-ducks? What the hell's a turtle-duck??" So we looked it up and OH MY GOSH THEY ARE THE CUTEST THINGS YOU'VE EVER SEEN WHAT IN THE NINE REALMS HOW DO WE NOT REMEMBER THEM

So it's clear why Katara would like them, or why anyone would like them for that matter

So yea in the time between then and now, we've gotten Aang's purpose, his image (complete with headphones and TIMBERLANDS OF ALL THINGS), his colour slot, age (non-defined, but defined in that it's non-defined), some cool memories/feelings of mountain tops, a very complicated feeling about Katara, and the urge to fly but that's not happening any time soon so whatever

Also HE KEEPS TELLING US TO STOP SWEARING SO MUCH I CAN SWEAR IF I WANT TO SHUT UP (jk he's fine with occasional swearing but don't just throw them in a sentance, that's wasteful)

[eggmeralda]

I may have lost all hope