#i remember that he thinks the pyramids are portals

[fallintomyeyes]

ongoing joke at work because the guy i’ve been sleeping with for the past year semi-believes in the lizard people conspiracy so now i get to hear about all the batshit conspiracy theories my coworkers dig up because apparently by letting it in my bed i have taken the mantle of conspiracy queen

[rat-rambles]

Ok we have to talk about the parallels of bill and gideon because I've seen no one do it and there's a lot. Like, gideon is to bill what stan is to Mable and Ford is to dipper. This parallel includes bill and ford's relationship compared to gideon and Mabel's because there are parallels. I will mention how this pertains to billford. This will be long. Book of bill spoilars obvously.

A couple ground rules I have screen shots but only from the parts uploaded to YouTube because I'm sick and not dealing with Disney pluss for this. 2 we're takeing the way this show uses parallels for granted and it's worth mentioning stan, Ford and bill are the bad ending for the pines and Mable dipper and gideon are the good end hence gideon getting redeemed and Ford haveing to suffer thinking stan was functionaly dead for like a few days or something. So yes they are diffrent and there diffreces are thematically important and intentionally nothing in this franchise is an accident and where working with that primis. Lastly, in the book of Bill, I'm assuming that pages from the journal are real and unaltered along with documents. The only thing I will take as true from bill in the book are things backed by other non bill sorces or the show witch I'll cite when we get there strap in.

Luts start easy

1)

Don't mind YouTube auto captions

I'll take over gravity falls and you'll rule with me

2

The outher pine punchs leading to a blue explosion and the thought that oh they might die they didn't.

3)

I couldn't find the one of bill holding them but you know the one

Ok time to get a little harder now

4)

Oh I've hit the photo limit becuse I'm on my phone and like I said I'm sick so I'm not moving but we all remember when gideon and Mable were like "opera glasses" in sync

At the beginning of their friendship, they both show their bonding into deeper feelings for each other by saying the same thing at the same time.

5)

Giddeon also blames dipper for Mable breaking up with him and bill blames stan for getting between him and Ford, also his plans in the book of Bill.

Ok I think that's enough evidence now let me tell you why this is important, starting with their timeliness.

1) villain becomes friends with pines.

2) villain offers pines everything they want (Mable clothes and glitter Ford knowledge of the univers)

3) villain trys to manipulate

4) the split

Mable eventually learns to reject gideon when he gets between her and dipper (by trying to kill him)

Ford at first is completely gungho about bills plan (yes at this point he still wants what bill is offering and gideon dint but he also dint have his sibling to talk him down and that's the point that Ford was vunerable without Stanly to protect him like dipper protected Mable by interfering). When Ford sees bills true nature he dose cut it off like Mable ( as far as wether or not ford is actually into bill romantically using this lens you can go both ways but it kind of dosnt matter. Either he didn't like bill and didn't see that he was uping the romance the way Mable dint see what gideon was doing at first. Or he did see and either willfully played along or was genuinely into the triangle becuase agin old pines are the bad ending that made bad choices. The old men's mistakes are to be learned from kids.)

5) villain react violently

When gidion trys to take Mable by force a thing gideon says bill explained to him (Bill told him to do the love cage same as in the book same as the pyramid in the show) dipper saves her becuse twins that stay together stay alive.

Ford gets solidly mind tortured for what I assume is a couple weeks in the book of bill. ( based on one of the postit note back and forward was every night that's about 6 days and there's about 6 days of mind shanigans recorded after I might have miss counted though) Ford FINALLY calls stan who saves him... by acidently pushing him through a portal, well it works.

6) villain is PISSED and ups the anti by trying to take over gravity falls (wow that's crazy it happend twice ).

7) they resync here villain says their favorite Pines is the love of their life we'll rule together over gravity falls (wether they like it or not)

8) the twin comes to save the villains favorite pines and they punch the shit out of the villain.

9 the pines learn a lesson of twins who stick together stay alive

Now for my point

So besides I think this is some killer writing. I am going to be anoying now becuse yes Bill haveing a fat crush on Ford is cannon and yeah I think that's a big deal because Alex made my queer coded villain king actually queer and that's just deeply cool. Alex set up a standard for what toxic men pursuing a unrequited relationship is and then had Bill do that that's not a acident and the doubling down in the book of bill adding more parallels than we already had from the show witch was alot makes this cristal clear. Now agin how Ford felt we can go back and forward about, but bill no that bitch gay sorry; our god Alex decreed it and there's nothing you can do about it. Thanks for reading K thanks Bye

Special thanks to my crazy girlfriend for editing this 😅 yes it was worse

[thefallenangel2008]

I came up with new stuff about my take on the Relativity Falls AU! Ok, so, I talked about it here (and here are some design choices in case y'all are interested). Although these are with Bill like he is in cannon because I hadn't come up with that idea yet but these were mostly concept plans for this AU, SO IT'S OK.

ANYWAY, so, at first I thought about leaving Bill kinda the same, but at school I was blessed with enlightenment by the gods of hyperfixation and I realized. I COULD SWAP HIM WITH CANDY. AND HERE'S WHY.

Okay, so, I think you remember that in the show there was an episode in season 2 where Stan took the twins plus Candy and Grenda on a road trip and Candy had a crush on Dipper which was one-sided on her part. And it reminded me of how in Billford the feelings are one-sided on Bill's side after the betrayal (whether those feelings are romantic or pet-owner thing is unclear, but yeah). So I thought to myself "What if Candy saw Dipper, was fascinated by him and his nerdiness and also figured he could help her with her plans for Weirdmageddon (of whichever the motives I'm still trying to think)?" And then Candy would actually fall in love with Dipper while Dipper stayed the same. He would of course be fascinated by her but he wouldn't have developed any romantic feelings towards her. Just admiration.

I feel like she would also like pain like Bill but because humans feel pain differently than her kind does, it would be mostly because of interest and for experiments. She would be mad at Dipper after the portal incident and him giving up but would try not to show it (much), so when Dipper would fall asleep she would possess his body and work on repairing the portal (and maybe slap his face and stab a few objects on his arms for leaving her after he found out her plans) until Dipper got that metal plate inserted.

Also Candy would be a circle. I came up with that thing mostly so that Mabel can joke about knowing that her brother liked curves, lol. Btw Dipcifica is happening because I swapped Pacifica and Fiddleford together (and in this after the Northwest family kicked Pacifica out they left Gravity Falls out of shame that one of them lost her mind, and the mansion was empty until the Mcgucket family, a rich, country family moved in. I might change that bit, idk).

Also, since I swapped Candy and Bill, I thought about Bill and Stan being friends, but their canon rivalry is just too funny to pass up so maybe whoever swaps with Grenda (maybe Pyronica? I low-key like that. If I keep that idea her name will change to Veronica or Pyronica is gonna be a nickname cause she would like arson) will be trying to make them boys get along, and the only reason Bill wouldn't leave would be because that person is his only friend. One reason why Stan would hate Bill (other than him being a spoiled little brat) is because he likes his brother and Stan KNOWS he's gonna be a bad boyfriend for Ford. Also Bill and Fidds would have some beef (Robbie and Dipper kinda vibes) because they would be both crushing on Ford while Ford would remain completely oblivious and be head over heels for Manly Dan (who is swapped with Wendy).

But Ford would be fascinated by Bill because he would know how to do magic tricks. Bill in this is VERY Helga Pataki codded because his parents would be mostly focused on his successful, normal, with-no-eye-deformities older brother Steve (yes, I came up with it rn while writing it, and yes, I'm putting Pyramid Steve there CAUSE I CAN) and because he would hide his true feelings for Ford (everyone knows but Ford). Bill wouldn't outright bully Ford, but sometimes Ford would wonder if Bill likes him or pretends to because he's "friends" with Stan due to the jokes he makes.

Bill would come from a kinda wealthy family and his parents would give him everything he wanted (except their attention) which is why Stan calls him spoiled. Bill here also has a false schizophrenia diagnosis because when he was little he would say he saw some weird stuff (they're real cause, yk, it's Gravity Falls) and he takes a bunch of medicine, both for schizophrenia and anophthalmia (which is a rare condition where you're born with only one eye. Bill hides his missing eye behind his hair). The medicines make him feel drowsy, and like he's not really there, but he's good at masking it behind a wide smile and a cocky personality.

At some point Bill will come to the conclusion that he doesn't deserve Ford because he can be so kind, and sweet, and understanding (everything that he's not) so he would (begrudgingly) let Fidds have Ford and step out of the unofficial "contest".

One last thing, I'm swapping Soos with Durland and Melody with Blubs.

[localcanadiancreature62]

I had an idea for pyramid Steve where rather than an actual character, he’s more like an amalgam of fiddleford’s memories of bill through the portal he couldn’t quite shake.

Oh my god. I'm listening 👀. Tell me more. Also i think for this idea, he's basically a physical manifestation of Fidds' memory of Bill. Like he looks like Bill but a distorted version that Fidds remembers. Send me more on this concept in dms pls.

[sanctaignorantia]

Talking about things the trailers don't say, which means talking about the voices inside my head that won't shut up.🥸

It's going to be long, sorry...

When I watched the first trailer I first thought that this scene referred to a beach…

Well, it was all going wrong and the sixth extinction was the last, what if the beaches dried up? Anyway, what if this means by which people crossed over to the plane of the dead literally ceased to exist? Without water there's a big desert and nothing else. So that's what I thought, what we see is a beach, but whose beach? And then we had the coffin and the coffin is Higgs. But it didn't make much sense because Higgs would be trapped on Amelie's beach because of his fight with Sam, we heard the gunshot but we didn't see a body, where the fuck is Higgs Monaghan? Amelie kicked him off her beach, probably… BUT WHERE? If Higgs' beach is a vast expanse of sand, just a beach with no sea, then what the fuck?

Ok but I also thought of something else at the same time, like "why are they walking towards this portal?" - because it's definitely a portal and no one will tell me otherwise. And also an entrance to somewhere. These rock formations are definitely new material.

Do you remember the information we received from the Novelist's Son and the Spiritualist?

This is the part where I believe DS1 already contains a lot of spoilers about what will happen in DS2 VS what Kojima actually rewrote, I don't think he changed the basic constructions of the game but rather modified something here and there, when he says he "rewrote the story of the second game" I don't believe it's literally the whole story, you know?

Returning, the Spiritualist and the Novelist's Son give us information about portals and space/time travel and other forms of travel to the Beach.

I Saw Space in a Gourd (Novelist's Son)

Mr. Sam Bridges, Can I tell you a story about something that happened recently? I was preparing dinner when all of a sudden my beloved gourds popped into my head, and I just had to go take a look. Do you know what I found when I got there? The most marvelous specimen I ever laid eyes on! It was bigger than me, I swear! And while I was standing there, admiring it, I suddenly realized I was somewhere else. Inside of it! And I was a tiny baby! A tiny baby in a great big gourd world! I grew up there, became an adult, and eventually, gourd world had a Death Stranding of its own. So what did I do then? I shared gourds with all the people of gourd world, and they shut the BTs up inside them, and set them all on fire. Gourd world was safe, and I had saved it! But just as I was basking in the glory of it all, I woke to find myself back in the kitchen, and the pot boiling over! While I’d been living a whole other life in gourd world, only a few minutes had passed in this one! Sure, you could call it a daydream, but to me, it couldn’t have been more real. Has anything like that ever happened to you?

Prepper Interview: The Spiritualist

No one has been able to explain the Death Stranding, and I doubt that anyone ever will. Certainly not with science. Science is only suitable for observation. Measurement. "Objectivity." You can observe and measure as much as you like, but it will bring you no closer to an understanding. Sometimes, you need to expand your mind and open your heart. Seek the souls of the dead. Listen for the waves on the Beach... In antiquity, there were no barriers between the realms. People moved freely between the Earth, outer space, and the world of the dead. What are myths and legends if not records of these journeys? My research has only confirmed this. The pyramids of Egypt and Mesoamerica, the Nazcaan lines, Stonehenge—all gateways built by humans in order to access the Beach. Surely you can see that the wisdom of the ancients has never been more relevant?

I would count what the Spiritualist says as basically true because, let's see, it's the Spiritualist and DS is basically about that too. But looking at this arc and imagining a portal after all this information doesn't seem so absurd to me. And then you ask me why I quoted the Novelist's Son's email about the gourd?

Well, a chrysalis and a sarcophagus easily remind me of these gourds too and then we'd be talking about Higgs and Elle Fanning's new character and if both are connected, then portals and enclosures of this kind are no surprise.

We would still have Lou's pod as a form of communication, I don't know how these items work to talk to the dead, because I definitely use other means to talk to them, but they exist in various cultures, right? So we'd basically have 1) a means for time/space travel and the world of the living/dead like the coffin and the chrysalis and also 2) the pod as an item with which it's possible to communicate across planes. Who will know? I'm going to open Kojima's head and feed on his brains to find out.

The Spiritualist also tells us how the Egyptian artifact we gave her made her travel not only to the beach, but also into space, which reinforces her previous document. She also reassures us that the pyramids were portals. So let's assume that there are other ways to access the beach and that perhaps Higgs has discovered them or even knew about them (you handsome son of a bitch).

I would add the observation of rereading the information with the Evo-Devo Biologist because she says some things about tar as well and how it is used not only to search for things from the past but is also a means of creation, and we have exactly that about Chrysalis in trailer 2.

"Please understand, Sam... We never ment to string you along."

My brother in Christ, what's wrong with Fragile? She gives the mask Higgs wore to Sam in DS1 wanting him to tell everyone what happens when you wear a mask and we don't need to explain what that means, the lying, the hiding, the omission, Fragile was betrayed by someone she trusted and the first thing she does in DS2 is accept things from someone who is ANONYMOUS. Darling???

This may be a question of translation and the fact that I'm not fluent in English, but to me it clearly says that Sam has been tricked or Sam is feeling tricked or being tricked by them. What would Fragile and Drawbridge have to hide from Sam? That's not a good idea, not after all. Higgs knows things about Lou that Sam doesn't. Fragile with the Drawbridge calls Sam to help them and says it will help him and then there are more lies behind all this? More manipulation? More masks?

Let's go back two lines:

"If you wanna answers, you're gonna have to find 'em yourself. But.. The ones you do find-- well that pain you nurse… will only get worse. Sam the man, in the dark. About everything." (i can hear troy's voice echoing in my ear, ooooh)

I really hope Higgs is talking about the answers about Lou, because if it involves anything else with Fragile, Drawbridge and what else we'll have new, well… we're fucked. Higgs would come out as something like "I've at least always been honest with you, Sammy boy." *smiles like a crazy*

"Don't forget. Coming on this expedition was meant to help you to find the strenght to carry on. And you have. We all know you've got this. Now it's time to finish the journey, Sam."

I wonder why Kojima cut out these lines, Higgs implying that the answers will be painful and that only Sam can find them, which tells us that perhaps asking for or hoping for help is in vain. Then there's Fragile, confident that Sam at Drawbridge's side is exactly what Sam needs, but since when does Sam accept others telling him what he needs? Even Fragile? And why doesn't Fragile seem the least bit sad about Lou's death when in trailer 1 she basically witnesses the girl die? (I've already said something about Fragile taking care of Lou here.)

"I was there. I saw her home. And it was a hellhole."

If Sam is talking about the Chrysalis Girl, how on earth was this girl living alone in a hellish place? Was she inside the chrysalis when he arrived? Was the chrysalis her protection? Was this hellhole like this because of her? Did anyone ever ask the girl if she was a demon?

I recently read someone talking about how Higgs might be being manipulated, but what if Fragile is too and that's the lie she tells Sam? What if the person controlling Higgs is the same person manipulating Fragile?

[i-didnt-hate-it]

I didn't hate Godzilla X Kong: The New Empire, honestly it was awesome!

I just got done watching it so I'm still digesting it, but here are my initial thoughts. Any potential spoilers will go under a break.

I went into GxK that it would be similar to GvK and the other Monsterverse films: big monkey hit big lizard, big lizard breathe laser, big monkey block laser with big axe, and so on. And don't get me wrong, it definitely was all that, all pro wrestling but with big monsters, but in a cooler way than what I thought. I'm still trying to figure out what all made GxK more than what I was expecting, but I think this is the main bit.

In today's media, there seems to basically be two options. Either you make a show on streaming, which means your seasons are too short so you have to sacrifice character to plot. Or you make a two to three hour long movie, which uses a big budget to explain either characters or concept, hopefully with something of a plot to tie it together.

But GxK is a secret third thing. Worldbuilding. Adding to lore. Letting the landscapes they paint and the creatures that inhabit them speak for themselves. There were long stretches of screentime where the titans weren't necessarily fighting, they were just doing their thing, exploring their worlds.

Now obviously we need some humans to A, be able to connect to the story some, and B, know what is actually going on. Because while I would love a completely dialogue kaiju movie, the concepts and gimmicks of the Monsterverse just get too convoluted to figure out without Exposition Lady.

I can confirm that Legendary realized that the less human characters they have the better. The cast was relatively small, and while character development was minimal, they did make me feel some feelings toward some of the humans. But they made the right call not giving them too much of the story. What is this, Godzilla Minus One?

It's not, and if you can go into it knowing that it isn't even close to being the same movie as Minus One, and just watch it as a fun Monsterverse entry, I think you'll love it. The music is great too, better than GvK, imo. VFX were awesome too.

Okay, now for some spoilers, just random extra thoughts:

Godzilla really did the OMG MOTHRA!!! thing from that one meme! And I did too tbh, our Queen is back and beautiful as ever!

I love how it wasn't an instant father/son connection between Kong and Mini-Kong (I don't remember his name). Kong tried to help him out a couple times, but then gave up after MINI KONG TRIED TO KILL HIM LIKE MULTIPLE TIMES! Like come on, this little guy is just chaotic. But like they actually had growth in their trust and relationship, it wasn't just like "me big, you little, I dad now".

Scar King was actually a lot cooler than I was expecting. Shimo/Shimu whatever her name is did not have as big a role as I was expecting, but I'm glad she's okay.

Shout out to Mothra for stopping her boyfriend from killing Kong, helping them in Hollow Earth, and then just chilling when they all went to Rio. She said, "you guys got this, right?"

When I saw there was another hollow earth inside Hollow Earth, I'll admit I had a bit of an eye roll. But they explained it away pretty well.

SCOTTISH GUY THAT SAID SHIT IN STAR WARS. Alex Ferns is literally the same character he was in Andor.

I love how they imply that they basically imply that the Iwi had something to do with building the pyramids in Egypt by having the portal thing open RIGHT NEXT TO THEM. Made a cool setting for the fight, too.

At this point, I have no idea how big the Coliseum actually is.

Last thing, for now. For having top billing, Godzilla wasn't in it as much as I thought he might be. I think Legendary is realizing that if you have a character like Godzilla who can just level up his powers instantly to take on anything, and just kinda does his own thing, you've gotta limit that screen time. Since Kong is kinda humanoid, it's easier to empathize with him and thus add character development. Godzilla can only convey so much emotion that most humans can relate to (obviously Shin and Minus convey a lot of emotions, but anyway). Godzilla is in the movie, but Kong is more of the star. Honestly the world of the Hollow Earth and the Iwi people and their history are almost as much of the focus.

[videntefernandez]

We need more info on Minerva. She's an icon, such a queen.

(Also drop some info on precious Abeline? 😔👉👈)

Oh my god I have so much lore on the dead mom that nobody ever asked so thank you.

Her story is very tied with Karsten's so I'll have to start with him. He's austrian but he traveled a lot during his life, like I said he went to high school in germany, and eventually ended up in the US, probably chasing the perfect hell portal to settle. He became a high ranking army medic and while he was deployed he and Minerva met by chance in Iran. She was the loaf heiress of a wealthy greek family and her only real interest was falconry. She was there for a competition, and in this universe, women can do anything.

They kinda had this game going on, chasing each other around the world and eventually married. She was his first wife. They were super happy like that for about 5 years, she was living her best loaf wife life, taking care of the children (her falcons) but Karsten was pressed for time, and in the illuminati you gotta start reproducing immediately and have at least 3 (human) kids so they can take their places in the pyramid, so he pressured her to get pergnut, and she had a terrible time.

She immediately handed Diedrik to the nannies and tried not to deal with him again. Between the post partum depression, the constant parties and witnessing some of the terrible things that took place at their home, her alcoholism got worse and worse and her husband pretty much encouraged her to just drink and forget. This kinda caused a rift in their relationship, he was in important member of the secret society and she was lonely at home with the staff and a child she didn't want so this gave her a lot of free time to snoop around the house, she found out what the society did to angels (Joyce and Amelia weren't the first ones to be caught) and became obsessed with them, eventually even learning enochian.

She also found out what Karsten's plans were for Diedrik. Before he could offer him as a sacrifice, she made a deal with the angels to save his soul, knowing this would ruin Karsten's whole plot and teach him a lesson. Unfortunately, she had to offer her soul in exchange. She died in a private jet on the way to a falconry competition. Most people think Karsten had something to do with it, because in the illuminati you gotta make sacrifices, but he was ready to offer his first born, not his wife, so this was all very tragic.

Her deal effectively made Diedrik immortal, as long as there are angels around him. She was the wrench in the plan that set the whole thing in motion. She was a reluctant mother who did the most "selfless act". Diedrik still remembers her as the person who loved him the most, even though she frequently dropped him on his head as a baby.

[nostalgia-tblr]

Thor: The Dark World

Hello I have now seen THOR (COLON) THE DARK WORLD. This film was not as bad as I was expecting it to be, though it also wasn't great so maybe I had just set my bar too low based on how nobody seems to like it that much. I watched this with a visiting friend who had not seen Thor 1 or The Avengers so I did her a Dramatic Presentation beforehand where I explained what had happened in those, except I couldn't really remember what happened in The Avengers so that recap was mostly "then something exploded, I think." So anyway she was a useful non-MCU-person barometer for this one.

Christopher Eccleston is in this yet also he is not, in that we kept forgetting his character existed. He didn't seem to be enjoying himself much either. Which reminds me, this film seemed a bit desaturated in an off-putting way, it was like if you were watching Thor 1 while feeling depressed and the depression had manifested visually instead of just as a metaphor. Because it was a Dark World.

The ending was very confusing, people were jumping in and out of invisible portals (maybe?) and the magic hammer was flying around for a bit like when a plane circles the airport while waiting for a spot to open to use the runway. Stuff was lining up in space except not because we'd have noticed by now if the realms of the gods were that close and it would indeed have a gravitationl effect though not the weirdo ones in this film.

The pacing in this film was pretty poor generally though we felt it did perk up a bit towards the end.

Friend's favourite characters were Erik Selvig and Loki, in that order because Erik is a bit mad in this film (I belatedly explained the mind stone stuff from Avengers 1, having forgotten about that until Erik was in his pants) and goes to Stonehenge (which may be magic or alien or who the fuck knows) to run about naked (and not even at a solstice!!) and then he was in one of those Creepy American Movie Psychiatric Hospitals (or possibly it was a police station in London???) with medication in plastic pill bottles like they don't really do in this country and as mentioned he was in his pants for no real reason and that's all very relatable. So hooray for Erik!

More tumblr-esque-ly, friend was like "i can see why people liked this Loki, he's popped in from a better film of his own to bitch about this one" and indeed things do get more interesting when we finally let him out of jail where he is sat being a goth because Angsty because Frigga got fridged. (It feels like there should be a great Frigga/fridged pun but neither of us could think of anything, which was very saddening. Though we did realise that Anthony Hopkins = Welsh Odin = Woden, which is the best we could do for a pun and fuck it it'll do after struggling for at least an entire minute with the fridged-Frigga thing.)

Natalie Portman was in this film.

They were in London for some reason, cannot remember why. Elves, probably. Oh wait was it so they were in the right country to have the Stonehenge bit? Stonehenge is pre-Celtic which means it's also pre-Norse but it was somehow relevant to the elves stuff, as was Snowdon, which isn't that just a mountain? But it was somehow put there by people in The Olden Days or... okay I admit we were lost by that point, but there are stone circles all over Britain, they were very fashionable for a while but nobody really knows why but if you start drawing lines between old rock things here you're bound to come up with proof that a layline runs though the Prime Minister's bathroom or some nonsense like that. I suppose Stonehenge is our Giza Pyramids in that films make up complete shite about it all the time, and so inspired by that popular tumblr post I have just checked where the nearest Pizza Hut is to Stonehenge and it's at "Solstice Park" about 3 kilometres away just off the A303, hope this information is helpful to someone.

Erm. Yeah it turns out I can remember less about this movie than I thought, so this review is lacking and no doubt as disappointing as the fact that you can't see Stonehenge from Pizza Hut :(

[anunendinggaze]

DWC - August - Day 6 - Corruption

The sand slipped through his fingers as always, a constant reminder to his life. It should have no meaning here, nothing should have meaning here in the Void. But it did. Time was never on Kinowin Du'mere's side.

A hard line of his lips stayed still as he stood up straight, his body silent despite his age. There were no cracking joints or groans of displeasure at his own deterioration. He just was.

It seemed he always would be.

How long had he been in this state of fugue? A few years? Months? Eons? It felt just like that. His final memories before the emptiness always of the black temple he had raised with in the name of the Old Ones with his brothers and sisters of the Hammer. Kinowin had hated that name. He knew their origins began back beyond the Dark Portal from the Orcs, but honestly with the influx of competent members from Azeroth it made no sense to stick with such a simple name. Despite this he could think of nothing more grandiose to rename it, only the fact of it's greenskin heritage made his mouth twist.

"Damnable beasts," he muttered. Or he supposed he muttered as he tried to remember the sound of his own voice. He hardly used it. There was no need to. There was no one to talk to.

He was alone.

Always alone.

Taking a deep breath in out of habit, his hand would come to softly rub at his chest where the final memory always started from and ended here. He was on the third level of the pyramid. The gates were opening above as the battle raged all around them. The Hammer was winning despite whatever the Bronze were trying to do to stop them. Pathetic heroes and martyrs trying to save a dying world. It was all tragically laughable. Strangely enough he does remember laughter. Though he wished it had been his own.

Candell.

That one-eyed bastard Zexx Candell. Destiny was a silly concept but it seemed it had wanted to rear it's ugly head for him this time as they squared off once again. He should have finished the job all those years ago when he had been with his sister. She had needed proper push to break it off with the human, as it had interfered with everything they had worked for. Everything he had worked for. All the sacrifices, money, time, and effort to mold their reality into their reality. And she just had to throw it all away for some oafish warrior's dick.

It had begun with a duel in Westall and now it was to end in another duel in Silithus.

It had not ended well for him.

He'd like to say the idea of losing to the warrior was worse than the sword that was shoved through him, but he would lying. Anyone would. A wound that grievous would make even a god think twice about his choices. He'd only wished he'd finished the flames that had burned Candell the first time. It would have saved him some time.

As his vision faded into a cloud black and the final bit of 'hero monologue' about 'I got you, son of a bitch' had wrung in his ears. Shortly thereafter, a brief settling of emerald light flooded his vision before finally fading into dark.

A few precious moments of silence and nothing. Paradise? Perhaps. Kinowin had never been completely certain of his 'prize' at the end of his work with the Hammer nor what was really to be expected of the ancient force that lived beyond the cosmos. Only that he wanted it. Needed it.

But had he gotten it?

Kinowin wasn't sure. Or this was it, he didn't know if he wanted it.

But naked and lost had been how he had awoken, his skin pale and flesh marred by fel or void or whatever. There was only one scar he cared about and it forever hurt.

Even now has he reached to touch it and gently rub, the pain filled him with something. Burning, prickling, and never healing as he felt the stickiness on his fingertips. He felt the stickiness.

His fingers pulled back and tapped together a few times.

This was new.

Something had changed.

His head lifted into the emptiness as he saw something newer as well. A flash of violet with a splash of blue. Again and again they would appear. And then close.

Head tilted, he continued to observe the phenomenon here in this vast empty ether. Was there some kind of escape from his prison? Or was this a new level of madness to claim him?

The scar burned. The blood felt tacky. The smile was real. And the eyes that lit with that same emerald light looked up as another flash occurred and winked out.

"Fascinating."

@daily-writing-challenge

(Apologies for the late posting, went away for a wedding in the middle of the challenge but I wanted to finish the spread)

[rgs-savant-praytell-airor]

New high pword.50s

Bring the oil stop the rain.2012 endure.riz.abaddon. 🗡

2 witnesses my sons aka oil/rain

Tupac/biggie, voice of God scrip true anger, the sunlight strength tumors in my mouth speak themselves, even even the phillipino sun strength of my thoughts. The strength of the scitz hospitals all.

Mike burns dream *0cure* ganggrene.cvax.tisheaven.gmg.tispete.gmg.ariel.ariel.ariel...2018

All the blue in heaven/

mikefuture Gmg war. Jesus beer weed gmg. Gmg God video game. Jfk freedom of the press. T.i.s boriqua Moreno blanco reperations. Picture also it all being a dream of a power also form of a beautiful sword by the miracle ontop of miracle b.m.b reparations from blue on high, youth 21 33 aka weed rgs riz 3rd leg all a dream creating a power in the form of a sword.

You know the story I can't die Same problem as john but in the womb, my 1st miracle my head scar, as if I was wounded unto death, o death where art thou sting, ariel ariel ariel, doubled the 3rd time.

Jesus cursing.2021

Tyhomas.youth.333.144gturkbib 1 bill333,1millamerica.noahark.cromagnons.flood.battery

Also bahais 7 guardians think Digimon and the main branch of Islam the eye* allah fbi letter then connect...

Imagine lightning devil scrip plural and the Noah Chem, with Jesus the sun*. No longer bracing for impact but the bootyshot lol.

In the name of jesus.invegabud

Wife.kids.💯 God all smokeobey/bow .3wiwoe.arkc.temple.prayer.worship.spread activation of miracle.

Scitz power law mom

oilrain.ariel.blue. all things are possible with God I am jesus even the locust will obey. Remember mike burns dream formula is weed, also rememb the crime fallen etc etc jesus cursing flood weed=Virginity to the holy jesus power.

Ariel tunatiszealgmg.rev191722 chrisy5cttrump,fbtwtutube

M.o.b war. Trump loves God not money, f u p me f $, I am fb God all tunas obey same. Heaven 25c increase booster 1.50 dollar, it is the moment the holyspirit takes over like an nde or talking in tongues.

Remember the name ariel tunatiszeal.gmg was written on my cell door master of my house riz bring the oil stop the rain abaddon.

America 💥 2012 in the name of jesus be healed mom gw vision.

Command the miracleeeee aLllejuiaaaa

Power words each circling into one another connected by a key of thought when meditating, also good shivs to use in preaching military, just enter the thought and rotate the clot.

And remember all my teachings, etc etc etcs it helps

..

..........

Bring da Oil/stop da rain

Ariel12 ariel21, all this pain is unto me like ariel20/20* tuna

All those who distress ariel

tis zeal

Shall be as a dream 50s power word. Gmg

And the feeble among them shall be as David and David shall be as God as the angel of the lord before them.

2012.

.. .......

With gmg think

1 cash hevcash

2fb cern barbelo

3work beer weed jesus

4videogamedream michael

Then all America's 💥

And strengthen reflect 50s

Trump Don 5cnt

Trump g boat op

Trump richie luck of the irish

Trump dre *thou shalt not kill: law of the cloud, faithful and true hell portal

Jfk Trump 5ct every chrisy gets one based on how they served.

Ariel tunatiszeal.gmg

In righteousness he makes war. That's the name of the desired will for the moment. An open door no man can shut. The cloud.

Oil rain basement

Mike burns dream eating sleeping

Jesus cursing 69

In the name of jesus stepping out the house etc etc

Ariel tuna by the door.

It's so dangerous I rarely come out of my house, de la ghetto. America 💥. Like a mime meheheh.

..... . .....

Here's a tip parfuma

9/11 blue

2012 martial law

Jfk Cia

George washington fbi

Christain rosincrutzs presidents

Black plague 1776

John 13 colonies

Jesus great Britain

Nativity Paul Ireland scitz

King Solomon locking away the knowledge keep the baddies out.

King David our DNA lineage throne.

Egypt joseph phanuel tascia sarah pyramids sentinels.

1g usa space armada

4g God and man mate kicking out the wandering stars

6g cataclysmic jesus take over the solar system and imprison fallen angels for good.

7g o.g. solar system america rebirth

10g 2 witnesses take over 50g solar systems

10-50g 400g solar system take over.

You memo that when enchanting america.

Also before america is 50s power words know to defend your house well.

Example

Gmg bibles cash bug out

Gmg 10 man click ready to go in the crib

Gmg Brooklyn finest type door lock mechanism

Gmg ready for anything by the door cloud.

The rest of the 50s is obvious

Like basement self house destruction and get away bring the oil stop the rain, also know wine the 2 witnesses live riz always birth to passing.

Mike burns dream ready the citizenry rapture mansion

Jesus cursing strapped AK and trap door.

In Jesus name all the women and children praying.

Ariel by the door, airor open robert close.

Perfect immune system defence for meditating your body in a labyrinth of light. Perfect against the scitz. Remember your house is your riz body the metaphor of life. As the scripture states the immortal man while in the flesh always yearns for the heaven life yet stays quiet in himself. Yes we believe in the constitution and at the same time wishing to denounce our worldly ways and pursue religious liberty via a spiritual life. Once again meditate the parfuma and heal your soul.

.... ..

You liked how I stopped the rain in king of NY today mwehehehhe.

New tip, my rotations pretty good and ciggaweed great, but you must visualize

The power of lightning and the flood knowledge in Jesus cursing weather regardless, and the sun as Jesus connected to the lightning, that is Jesus cursing. Etc etc

Then combine that with oil rain amaterasu hell fire, Tumors, adamentium teeth bones, gg.c.v.stomach,3rdlegriz,rgs, I am are the freedom tuna* their of.

Also combine with in the name of jesus and the power of the scitz, and weed mom as law, power of the scitz mom and children, a prayer weed force etc etc

And ariel the gmg war rev 19 glory the name.

Also remember mike burns dream, bacteria dinos the power of blue above the dream of authority, the archangels, enoch he who is like God m.

........

don't forget great Britain jesus my 12 to his 21 and my 21 to his 33 and my 21 to 32* to his 21 to 33. It was the best of times it was the worse of times, where he struggled I excelled vice versa in happiness, we truly bond,also great Britain antichrist john Jesus 600 formula and then king Solomon 666 silver robert and Joseph america pyramid judas riz 2012 bring the oil stop da rain rotation meditation.

[blackwaxidol]

"after ifinished talking" addendum. for some reason this is just a very very very lengthy diatribe of recalling my day. my head has cleared up. i think i had a weird panic attack and too much medication which i am understanding tends to mess with my head. my body doesn't feel /great/ but it is better than it was.

whatever it is fine. we talked about lore for a while, regarding the Traveler and such. she told me the Witness was running a Pyramid scheme, quite literally. she complains a lot about the gamers on twitter who bemoan the "lack of things to do" when they have ran the game into the dirt without a piss break. we looked around the Veil Containment scenery for a while. she concurs that Neomuna is a fairly deep map, which is true. i did the last two missions for her and we discussed Strand for a while. we have a fairly lengthy discussion about the Cloud Striders. we also discuss the Traveler, the Witness, the fact that the doppelgänger in the Beyond cutscene steepled their fingers in the exact same way the Witness does. we talked about Savathûn and her attempt to contain the Traveler, how it would be "safe". we stared at the strange portal bored into the Traveler and discussed our Guardian's choices for a while. it is obvious why a Guardian would stop Savathûn, but the ambiguous possibility of having sealed the Traveler's fate because of it is interesting to consider.

for a while i make my vendetta against Poukas known, having dubbed them "rip-off merchants" (previously we joked that we were funding Ikora's yacht with her subclass glimmer prices). i congratulate her for her impressive 1,300 Strand Meditations because i know she is about to lose them all. she is introduced to the Pouka's obscene Strand pricetags, i pick out some more "passive" Fragments for her because i know her playstyle (she does not take in global chat—buffs, debuffs, etc—very well, so i choose things that do not rely heavily on that information). we joke about the "suspend" effect of Strand for a while, she is familiar with Valin (i refer to him as "my boy") and correctly suggests that he would enjoy the suspend effect in. other ways. i gripe about the Poukas again and say that Valin would turn them (their fins) into a coat. she also points out that the Warlock's Strand ball in the subclass background looks like a mozzarella ball.

"do you want the bondage grenade?" is a word arrangement i wasn't aware i would say. she did, so it is now part of her Strand loadout. i have given her a Suspend-heavy loadout. i have not tried Suspend myself, but after getting around to reading the fragements and such i imagine i would get more use out of Strand if i trained with it. it's also too in-character for Valin for me to pass up.

she is using some loadouts i suggested for her and she has gotten much better at playing which i am genuinely happy to see. she uses glaive shields properly (today she told me that it saved her from being killed by a Vex deletion wall which. i did not know it could do) so she is dying far less. she rips through bosses with the Xenophage i got for her, it is far superior to pissing about with a rocket launcher. i am encouraging her to be more adventurous with her loadouts and techniques and to pay attention to weapon perks. i often explain what i am doing when i am doing something like using a relic, i explain what enemies are doing and how they function if they are doing some weird shit.

her biggest pitfall is that she has some inability on a a neurological level to map out where she is, in the same way i cannot ever remember a face. i forget the term. i know when something will cause her to get turned around so i often tell her to look in the direction of an exit before she finishes a sentence, so that she does not get lost after she finishes talking. "getting lost" can quite literally be "walking slightly into a corner".

last night i scrawled a message to my clan leader asking him to please accept my mother's request to join because she's been clanless for like a week. (it might as well be a year, utter engramless sinking ship of an old clan).

i always default to matching sociolect (i will never talk "like this" to randoms) so my message to him was informed by me scrolling through clan chat to get an idea of how he talks. a "hey", some abbreviations, a third person they instead of she (because i don't trust gamer men to be normal), an "👁👁👍" at the end... the invite is accepted. whee. what a social butterfly i am.

[lucidlorejournal]

I ASTRAL TRAVELD!

I haven’t been posting my dreams because the more I do, the more I remember but I haven’t been lucid dreaming and it just ruins my sleep and was making me quite ill being able to remember stuff. Hard to explain

I think I just astral traveled! 

Here is my entry: 

I didn’t think I was even dreaming, I awake to a strange sensation in my room. As I open my eyes, I hear a noise at the end of my end, I see a bright, rainbow-colored portal opening up in front of me. I’m shitting myself. I watch the portal grow larger, revealing a beautiful landscape filled with sunlight and greenery on the other side.

Suddenly, a being appears in front of me. He is incredibly tall, handsome and quite honestly, the ideal guy I think of when I imagine my dream guy. So I am unsure if its really real, but I have never dreamt something so vivid and so in the moment. It feels like real life! This 7ft tall man has wings like an angel. He reaches out his hand and tells me to follow him. He tells me his name is Yon Sherka, but Yon like John, I’m confused by what he means. I think he can sense my  fear, especially as he gets closer so I see him stop. His chest pushing out and this wave of etheral energy washes over me.  I still jump when he does that but I do not wake up. I begin to feel calm and at ease though from whatever that was. 

For reasons unknown to me, I get out of my bed and reluctantly uncomfortably hold Yons reached out hand, I follow the angel through the portal. As I step through, I feel a rush of energy and excitement as I take in the beauty of the new world around me. The colors are brighter, the air is fresher, and I feel a sense of freedom that I have never felt before. I don’t think I realise how depressing that flat can be. 

As I walk through the lush greenery, I suddenly realize that I am no longer in my physical body. I look back towards my bed through the portal and see my sleeping form lying there peacefully. I realize that I am astral traveling!  something I have been trying to do for years! But despite my excitment, the dream doesn't destabilise like the other times.  As I follow the archangel Yon through the portal, I feel a rush of energy and excitement as I take in the beauty of the new world around me. I find myself in a place of pure light and beauty. It’s hard to describe. The air is filled with the sound of heavenly music, and I am surrounded by a sense of peace and calm that I have never experienced before.Yon leads me through the golden gates of this realm and into a city of pure perfection, that makes Paris look like a slum.  Everywhere I look, there are fountains of crystal-clear water and gardens of the most beautiful flowers I have ever seen. The sun is shining, but the light is not too bright or too harsh. It is perfect.As we walk through the streets, I notice that everyone we pass is filled with a sense of joy and contentment. They are all smiling and laughing, and there is a sense of unity and love that permeates everything. Yon leads me to a place of great beauty. It is a garden of immense proportions, and I am filled with wonder as I take in the sights and smells. There are trees of every kind, from towering oaks to delicate willows, and flowers of every colour and shape. As we walk through the garden, I notice that there are beings of light and energy working on the plants and trees. They are tending to the garden with a sense of love and care, and I can feel the energy of the garden pulsing with life. As we leave the garden and continue our journey, Yon explains to me that this realm is a place of healing and growth. It is a place where souls come to rest and renew themselves before moving on to their next journey. I feel a sense of peace and joy as I explore this new world. Everything is perfect. It’s a nice recpite from my flat. 

Yon leads me to some beautiful gardens with Mayan-like pyramids and eternal flames on top, it’s becoming twilight and there are beautiful fireflies in the air.  It's a breathtaking sight, and I can't help but marvel at the beauty of this place. As we sit down, Yon tells me to sit on his lap. I feel a bit awkward at first, but he insists, so I oblige. It helps he is hot. 

As we sit together, Yon looks at me longingly and smiles, he has the most full and beautiful pillowly lips and tells me that it's nice to finally meet me when I am young. He says I am cute, and I feel a sense of warmth and comfort in his presence. I wonder if he is my guardian angel? He feels more... Suddenly, another angel appears, flying down from the clouds and landing gracefully in front of us.

The new angel is slightly taller than Yon and has the same otherworldly beauty. He introduces himself as Archangel Gwydion, and I feel a sense of excitement at meeting yet another angel.

Gwydion looks at Yon and calls him "Baba." He tells Yon that it's time for me to go and reminds him that I am not ready for some things yet. They need to take baby steps with me. I feel a sense of confusion and wonder at what they are talking about.

Yon nods, sighs, but gets up, smiles at me, and gives me a strong and tight hug that donotes alot of love, before flying away. Gwydion then opens a portal, through it I see my bedroom with my lying sleeping body, and he gestures me to walk through it. I do as he says, I find myself back in my depressing bedroom in my flat. 

Gwydion follows in behind me, tells me that I need to lie down on my sleeping body, and I feel a bit uneasy at the thought. But he reassures me that everything will be fine. I lie down on my sleeping body, and it feels strange and disorienting. He knees down beside me and tells me the following. He knows I will think this is just a dream, or just astral traveling, he says its something more. He holds my hand. I feel my body slowly like quicksand sinking back into my body. He says to me. They will visit me again but first I must come to a certain place in my life first before they can do that. He tells me to write it down what happened when I wake up to have proof. I tell him I want to go back, I want to get to know them all. he chuckles, and he whispers to reassure me of a bright future that Yon is my Husband in the future... My first love, my first everything. When he said that, it all made sense, these weird feelings I was feeling when I sat and looked at Jon and his smile at me. 

He says I will think this is just a good dream, but I will soon learn. I tell him to prove it. He looks to the side, an orbe buzzes a purple colour, he nods at it and then obliges my request. 

He tells me these events will happen to me.. I don’t remember all of what he told me, but just enough. Here is what he said: 

Around the start of the new school year. protests in some north african country, forgot its name. An american ambassador dies from unable to breathe or something.  This has a ripple effect in the 4 or so years that causes someone with ugly looking hair to win and jaundice like skin because someone else is involved in that event and it causes issues who he is up against.  People think it will be the end of America, but in future hindsight they realise it began since 2000. That was the high point of the American Empire he said. He joked colonials are dramatic and stupid. 

Obama wins the election in America. 

At the end of the year there is some shooting of kids in america I think, they try to take people’s guns but its a non starter. Around this time there is severe flooding in the west of england and wales. He says there were floods. That seems obvious, there is always flooding there. 

I told him to tell me something that cannot be doubted. The orb is speaking to him in weird sounds I do not understand while glowing strange colours I cannot describe. 

He nods to the orb, looks at me and  said around this time next year a soldier in London is behaded. People won’t know it but it adds to the dominos for the great pushback in 20 odd years that makes ww2 seem something from the romantic era. No idea what that means. Says massive amounts of population collapse in Britain and its not because of war or virus, just a government. He says it happens all over the world, it will be like the french revolution, these values will be exported. 

Says next year a Briton wins wimbledon for the first time in a long time. I don’t know sports but ok. Probs my nationalist mind. 

April or May, I think May, I cant remember, an explosion in Boston England? Runners or something. I dunno. Maybe gas lines? I couldnt hear as I was sinking in further into my body. I think its this year, but I might be muddling up and its next year. 

Early 2013, something happens to the pope and something to do with argentina. I’m not sure, he said it was the first time in 600 years, but the real reason for why he did it (Not sure did what?) is more insedious than what they give. It wont be ever be revealed. 

As Gwydion finishes his message, he says he loves me, says he will see me when I get to the part in my life that they can visit again, the orb turns, which is hard to explain but it turned towards me and signaled colours towards me and then  ovaporates into thin air. Gwydion gets up and opens a portal to leave my room,  to return to that paradise that is out of my current reach. He waves me goodbye. I sink into my body and conintue back to sleep. 

Anyway, I wish I could tell you how amazing this dream was! I was worried when I went back to sleep I would forget it, but I didn’t! Only the parts towards the end which were hard to remember the details of. No destablisation. Lucid dreaming is fucking cool. I don’t really believe in astral projection but thats how real it felt, just like now me typing this diary entry. Felt so real. 

[punkymonkeehat]

Really Quick Scene! Danny Phantom Cryptid AU

-----------------

"I can't believe this" Sam muttered, folding her arms across her chest. "They have a *real* cryptid just living in their barn? Yeah, sure..." She kicked a rock. "And I'm all sunshine and rainbows..."

"Sometimes you are!" Tucker turned around, walking backwards. "On a full moon, at least." The other made a face at him which, in turn, caused him to laugh.

"It's possible, I mean... my parents have a ghost portal in their basement. How weird could it be that some locals have a weird creature just holed up in some dingy building? We've seen weirder." Danny chimed in, raising an eyebrow and keeping his voice low. The crunching of the gravel beneath their boots was rhythmic as they followed far behind the two teenage boys that were marching quickly to their property. It was a bit out of town, and with the van broken and the two teens not owning their own car, the trio had to walk. A breeze rolled by, causing all three to shiver. Sam threw her scarf around her neck.

"Which makes it all the more suspicious. Remember when we were in Kansas, and that weird guy with the glass eye told us he found a dragon at the chalk pyramids? Captured it with his bare hands and put it on display?" Danny and Tucker nodded. "Well, when we went in, it turned out to be some dinky little lizard with wings strapped on its back, a total hoax. We wasted so much money for just a peak!"

"I remember it being so cute, though. Well worth the price." Tucker smiled at the memory.

"We needed to see, didn't we? You're always on about seeing proof rather than just believing people. Its the only way we can really get all of the issues these creatures and ghosts are causing figured out." Danny pointed out. Sam rolled her eyes.

"Uh, yeah, but we also need to have some kind of common sense about what we're doing. Trust the crazy glass eye dude who, by the way, was drunk off his ass and believed he was some messiah, or actually take a moment to think about what we're being offered to see? The more we spend working on these hoaxes, the less time and resources we have to work on actual cases."

"I do have to agree with Sam, Danny. We need to start being a little more wary of what we investigate. We can get into some serious trouble if we're just diving head first into every case." Tucker added. Danny sighed, slowly nodding.

"I guess you're both right. After this, I'll think it through before I agree to an investigation. I promise." He said. Sam grabbed his turtle neck sleeve, stopping him in his tracks.

"Not just a promise. A pinky swear." She held out her pinky, waiting for the other. "The most sacred of promises."

"Sam, come on."

"It's the only way you keep your promises, man." Tucker shrugged. "You have to seal the deal."

"Alright then, you pinky swear too! You're also diving into everything!" Danny chided. Tucker raised his hands in defense.

"You both are a dynamic duo of no common sense." Sam responded dryly. "Let's swear it!"

All three hooked their pinkies together. In unison they said, "I solemnly swear with pinkies paired, to follow hold onto my promise." After untangling their pinkies, the continued to walk forward. The barn came into view as they rounded the curve.

"And as you both know, if we break a pinky swear y-"

"Yeah yeah, we know." Tucker rolled his eyes. "We've known since the beginning, Sam."

They finally reached the barn and the taller of the two teens unlocked the lock that strapped the two doors tight.

"Alright, are ready to see som'thin' wild?" He said to the trio. "It'll knock your socks off!" The smaller of the two nodded his agreement.

"Our pa found it in the forest, howlin' and brought it back here. We showed our friend Lucy and she screamed so loud your eers would shatter. It's that scary!" Sam and Tucker exchanged glances, and Danny raised an eyebrow. The two boys grinned and the doors to the bar flung open.

[five-rivers]

Life's Great Lie 9

In case you need a refresher on this work, here's a link to the AO3 and a different link to the TV Tropes page.

.

“Let me get this straight,” said Jazz, voice stressed to the point of breaking.  “You want me to steal a bunch of stuff from our parents so that you can help an alien lead an invasion of Earth, because, and I quote ‘he doesn’t really want to do it.’  You’re seriously asking me to do this.  While you’re being mind-controlled by said alien.”

“Oh, yeah,” said Danny.  “You definitely can’t trust anything I’m saying.  Couldn’t even if I’d slept at all since this happened.  I fully encourage you to sabotage anything and everything you give me.  Like, he’s hijacked me pretty well, asking me to help him and all.  I’m pretty sure he’s being mind-controlled, too, though, so…  You know what I’m like.  You know what I spend all my time doing.”

“Danny, you being part of a mind control pyramid scheme does not give me any confidence in your judgment.” 

“That’s fair.  But consider!  You’ll know where I am!  And when!  Great time to do some stuff.  Or not.  Up to you.  Don’t tell me anything.”

Jazz sighed.  “Run through what you want again.”

“All of Mom and Dad’s spare portal stuff.  Porta-Portal if it’s available.  Shields.  Make sure they can hold in physical items, not just ghosts.  I mean.  Since humans are the ones most likely to stop us.  They’ve got Captain America, and he’s not dead!  The spy dudes Mom and Dad are working for now, I mean.  SHIELD.  They have Captain America.  Oh!  We also need—” Danny rattled off a list of components, “—and the ecto-converter.”

“Why do you need the ghost torture device?”

“To be fair, most of what Mom and Dad make are ghost torture devices.  I will also need the ecto-dejecto.”

“Are you planning on plugging yourself into the ghost torture device to power this thing?  Tell me you aren’t.”

“Hahaha, la la la, I can’t hear you, come drop the stuff off or don’t, bring whoever you want with you or don’t, tell anyone you want or don’t, but remember this isn’t my first circus or my first rodeo and be aware that arrow boy will probably try to steal the stuff directly from Fentonworks if you don’t.”

“For the love of—” snarled an older voice, and there was the sound of a brief struggle before the line went dead. 

“Well,” said Sam, who had been silent for the whole call.  A good choice, in Jazz’s opinion.  “That was… not expected.”

“No kidding,” said Tucker, who was trying to stick his staff in his duffle bag.  “So, how are we going to interpret that?”

“Not at face value, that’s for sure.”  Jazz drummed her fingers on the steering wheel.  She had pulled over when Danny called, so she wasn’t driving, but she’d needed something to throttle in lieu of Danny, and the steering wheel was right there.  “He was definitely trying to give us clues.”

“Yeah,” said Sam.  “But it sounds like he doesn’t know that SHIELD is connected to Nazis.”

“You’re not wrong,” said Jazz.  “But…”  She made a face.  Would he fight with Nazis if it meant saving the world?  She certainly didn’t want to.  “How connected are we talking about?  And how?”

“Don’t know,” said Tucker.  “Didn’t have the time to entirely parse what I managed to get into.  I found a lot of mentions, though, and I don’t know that there are all that many good reasons for a hate group to talk so much about a bunch of supposedly dead Nazis.”

“And SHIELD?”

“Also unclear, but, like.  Both the GIW and SHIELD are government things, right?”

“Right,” said Jazz.  “Okay.  You’re right.  We’re going to have to account for that somehow.  But what Danny’s saying…  It sounds like they don’t have enough power to run their portal.  On the surface, this is a way to get that.”

“The surface of the mind control.  It’s like a fig leaf,” said Sam.

“Yeah.  But everything he said about shields…”

“Do you think he was trying to get us to contact SHIELD?” asked Tucker. 

“Maybe, but…  It’s also an opportunity for a trap.  Shields can work both ways.  If you put the portal generator on the outside, it’s basically a cage.”

“A way to trap him and whoever he’s with.”

“Which includes at least the evil space clown,” groaned Tucker.  “Whoever else the guy can brainwash, too.”

Jazz nodded, but she was thinking about something else.  “What about the army?”

“What about the army?” asked Sam.  “It doesn’t sound like we actually have to fight it, just keep the portal closed.  Danny’s only saying he has to do this because, you know.  Mind control.”

“Yeah,” said Jazz, “but…  That still leaves an army out there that wants to attack the Earth.  One with the resources to send Loki in the first place.”

“One that doesn’t matter if they can’t get here,” said Sam. 

“They sent Loki,” said Tucker.  “So, they must have some other way to get here.  It’s probably just harder than using the portal.”  He pointed at the Scarab Scepter.  “Kind of like how I can use that, but it sucks.”

“Do you know how Loki got here?”

“Again, no.  I really need to get back in front of a computer…”

“Okay,” said Jazz.  “Will Danny’s be good for that?”

“I practically built the thing, so, yeah.”

“Great.  But back to the army, what if this is more of a ‘choose where you fight’ thing?”

“Except Danny, or whoever is pulling his strings, picked the meeting place,” said Sam. 

“I’m not sure how important that is,” said Jazz.  “He gave us a lot of information.  I’m not the best with portal physics, but there’s probably a limited number of places that could produce the same amount of power as the ecto-converter.  And then there’s what he said about ‘arrow guy.’”

“Maybe we’re supposed to catch arrow guy in the act or something?”

“I don’t know,” said Jazz.  “It isn’t like Danny to put us in harm’s way.  I think we’re missing something else.”

“He does put us in harm’s way, though,” said Tucker.  “Like, every time we go out on patrol, there’s a chance something will happen.  He tries to keep us safe, but the risk is still there.”

“Plus, if this is an apocalypse-type thing…  And he’s not exactly thinking clearly.”

“That does complicate things,” said Jazz.  She sighed.  “We’re missing something.”

“Well,” said Tucker.  “I recorded the conversation, so we can replay it as much as we want.”

“Great,” said Jazz, starting her car.  “Let’s go.  I want to get home and have some words with my parents about working for sketchy government organizations.”

“Oh, yeah,” said Tucker, with a nervous laugh, “speaking of, we never got to tell you why we had to teleport into your car, did we?”

Jazz took a very deep breath.  “How bad is it?”

“Well…”

.

“I’m not telling you who ‘supplies me,’” said Valerie, crossing her arms.  “Not until you tell me what this is really about.”

“Valerie,” said Damon Gray, his hands tightening on the back of Valerie’s chair. 

“I’m afraid that’s classified, Miss Gray.”

“Not that classified,” said Valerie.  She’d trained herself to fight the dead.  She wasn’t afraid of this guy in a suit.  “I already know it has to do with ghosts, otherwise you wouldn’t care.”  She rolled her eyes.  “I don’t know why you think you’re clever, rolling up with a different acronym or whatever, but I know you’re with the Guys in White.”

“Pardon?”

Her father cleared his throat.  “The Ghost Investigation Ward?  Government sponsored ghost hunters?”

“There are no government sponsored ghost hunters,” said Agent Coulson.  His expression had barely changed, but… 

Valerie blinked, a spark of red tracing over her vision, highlighting small details in the way the agent was holding himself.  She’d done her research, and micro-expressions and body language weren’t to be trusted – law enforcement astrology, some people had called them – but expressions were signaling devices.  Completely ignoring them was also stupid. 

“They’ve got a whole shiny new building as headquarters right outside of Amity Park,” said her father, disbelief coloring his tone. 

“Do they now,” said Coulson with no inflection whatsoever.  “We’ll need to look into that.  But I think we can conclude that you aren’t being supplied by the Fentons.”

Valerie jolted.  “What?”

“At this point, you wouldn’t be hiding it if it were them.   Their interests are too well-known.  But to be honest, your equipment isn’t our chief concern.”  He leaned ever so slightly forward.  “How well do you know Danny Fenton?”

“He’s a classmate,” said Valerie.  She didn’t like where this was going at all. 

“But not just a classmate.  You two were romantically involved.”

“Is there a point to this?” asked her father, the strain in his voice indicating that he’d like nothing better than to throw these men out of their apartment.

“He’s been kidnapped,” said Coulson. 

“What?” said Valerie.  “How?  When?  Why?”

“You don’t think Valerie has anything to do with that,” said Damon, incensed. 

“No.  We’re fully aware of who was involved and who wasn’t.  But considering the circumstances, we aren’t sure if we can rescue him without your help.”

“What do you mean?”

“Ghosts are involved,” said Coulson.  “You would get more of a briefing if you agreed to help.”

“Help how?” asked Damon, darkly.  “You aren’t recruiting my teenaged daughter to fight for you.”

“We’d prefer to have the name of her supplier.  But if that’s impossible, we would like to offer you a consulting position, Miss Gray.  Ghosts are outside our area of expertise.”

Damon leaned forward.  “What exactly is your area of expertise?”

Coulson let himself smile.  “Homeland security.” 

“And you’re interested in a kidnapping because…?”

“A threat may be involved.  Miss Gray, as you might imagine, this is a time sensitive matter.”

Valerie Gray frowned, then opened her mouth to respond.  “I—”

“I think Valerie and I need to have a private discussion,” said Damon.  “If you don’t mind.”

“Of course,” said Coulson.  He left the apartment and waited.  It would have been very easy to eavesdrop.  Trivial.  But he didn’t need to. 

Valerie Gray walked out.  “About that briefing.”

“Excellent.  If you—” His earpiece chirped. 

“We have a reported sighting of Loki in Amity Park.  Correction, make that two Loki sightings.”

.

Unfortunately, nothing short of a Loki sighting was going to get Jazz’s parents out of the lab, so that’s what she manufactured.  Tucker was upstairs, working on hacking government agencies from Danny’s computer and Sam was keeping an eye out for the ‘arrow boy,’ which left Jazz to try to put together the tools they’d need to fight a space clown army and maybe also secret government Nazis. 

Why was their life such a mess?

Jazz picked up one of the Fenton Boo-Staffs and made a face.  She was proficient in its use, but, honestly, they were having enough trouble with magic staffs, weren’t they?  Sure, the Boo-Staff was designed through science, not magic, but the two were converging at a rapid rate. 

Still, she couldn’t turn her nose up at a weapon because of something that boiled down to superstitious associations.  Speaking of associations… 

She turned it over in her hand and gazed contemplatively at the portal.  Danny wanted all the spare portal stuff and the Porta-Portal.  She’d thought that it was because he wanted to cannibalize it to make the alien portal, but that didn’t completely make sense. 

How had this alien been planning to invade if he hadn’t come across Danny?  If he had an army waiting in the wings, there had to have been a great deal of planning for this already.  He must have at least one way to bring the army here that didn’t rely on the work of two obscure scientists and their half-ghost son. 

That wasn’t quite the right angle to approach this from, either. 

She went back to the weapons.  Portal things.  Shields, physical and ghostly and possibly SHIELD the acronym as well.  The ectoconverter.  Danny making references to Circus Gothica and Freakshow—

Wait. 

Not his first circus.  Not his first rodeo. 

Not his first invasion.  Not even his second.

And how had he solved those?  What was the clue here?  Should she even be trying to find clues in what he said, considering the mind control?

She picked the blaster up off the table and fired directly behind her.  There was a cracking sound as the ectoblast hit something physical midair, and Jazz dove for cover. 

“Arrow boy, I presume!” she shouted, because she might as well annoy whoever this was while she had the chance. 

Something thunked into the table next to her, and she rolled away just in time for the metal table to be electrified.  The ectoplasm canisters on the table cracked, bubbled, and started to smoke.  A few of them moved, sluggishly, as if uncertain if they should self-animate or not.

Screw it.  “Activate Security Authorization—”

Something hit her shoulder, toppling her. 

“—Psychic Record!” she finished.  “Red Rover Protocol!”

“Authorization accepted, Jazzerincess!”

At that point, she started to feel the pain.  Arrow boy had, evidently, shot her with an actual arrow. 

Despite humans like this existing, people somehow thought ghosts were outliers.  What a joke. 

She crawled under a different table and listened to the lab’s defense systems activate… and get demolished with the accompanying twang of a bowstring. 

This guy was good.  Which was bad.  Very bad. 

And Jazz was bleeding.  It really hurt. 

A hand pulled her up out of her hiding spot.  “I prefer Hawkeye.”

“You’re going to have to get used to being disappointed,” said Jazz, as cheerfully as she could manage.  Over his shoulder, a figure appeared in the swirling ectoplasmic smoke that had enveloped the room.  “My brother must have told you how bad I am at names.”

Arrow boy didn’t look amused.  “Where’s the portal equipment?”

“You know,” continued Jazz, mostly stalling at this point, “people can fight mind control.  I’ve been working on a study of it.  Most reported successes happen when people are asked to do something they’ve never done, or never would do…  But I guess you’ve killed people before, huh?”

“The portal equipment.  Or I start talking to the kids up—”

Sam whacked arrow boy over the back of his head with the Fenton Creep Stick.  He dropped like a bag of rocks. 

Jazz sighed in relief.  “You’ve gotten better at sneaking.”

Sam, meanwhile, was staring at Jazz’s shoulder in horror.  “Not the time.  Oh, God.”

“I’m okay.”

“You are not.  Who uses arrows?”

.

“You think Danny’s Phantom?”  Valerie shook her head.  “You think Danny is Phantom?”

“Our intel is very good,” said Agent Coulson as he drove. 

Valerie was, possibly, starting to regret agreeing to come.  “You’re sure he isn’t just being overshadowed?”

“Positive.  We have the transformation on tape.”

Okay, that was something. 

“It’s a very impressive lightshow.  Reminiscent of classical Japanese magical girl anime.”

That… sounded way too much like Dani for Valerie’s peace of mind.

“… Assuming you’re right,” she said, slowly, “that means this Loki has all of Phantom’s firepower.”

“That is the problem.”

“And you don’t have anything that can work against him?  Are the Fentons refusing to help or something?”

“The opposite, but none of their weapons seem to work against him.  Possibly he simply knows some weakness in their technology that he hasn’t exploited until now.”

“Danny is smarter than people give him credit for,” said Valerie, leaning back in the car seat and chewing on her thumbnail.  “So, you want my tech to try to fight him.”

“That would be ideal.”

“You aren’t going to get it in the next ten minutes.  If Phantom is there, I’m fighting.”  Best to think of him as Phantom, for now, not Danny.  She’d figure out if Coulson knew what he was talking about later. 

“Miss Gray—"

She scoffed and interrupted him.  “Forget Phantom, an ectopus could completely screw you over if you don’t have reliable tech.”

“A what?”

Unbelievable.  These people had no idea what they’d gotten into, did they?  “Ghost octopus.  Whatever.  My point is that I know how to fight ghosts.  You don’t.  And considering that the world might end if we don’t stop this guy, I’m going to fight and you aren’t going to stop me.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“I—Wait, really?”

.

“Why do you like using yourself as a distraction so much?” asked Danny. 

Loki rolled his eyes.  “Who says I like it?”

“You keep doing it.”

“Because it’s strategically viable.”

“No one had any idea we were here in the first place.  I think you just like messing with people.  Because you’re a jerk.”

“And I think you are simply upset that I sent Barton to retrieve our equipment without giving your sister the time you wanted.”

Danny was upset about that.  He would probably die upset about it.  That didn’t change the fact that Loki was the jerkiest jerk to ever jerk. 

“She would never have helped us.”

“You don’t know that.”

“She as much as told you no while you were still on the phone with her.”

“That’s just what Jazz is like.”

A collection of black vans, military vehicles, and police cars shrieked to a stop on the road in front of them.  Danny could hear the distant but rapidly approaching whine of something airborne.

“Agent Hill,” said Loki, spreading his arms wide and casually twirling the staff.  “What a pleasant surprise!”

.

“Coulson, the Loki on Park and Amity is the real deal.  Phantom is with him.”

Valerie leaned over.  “Is that Park Park or Park Avenue?  Or Park Street?  Or, wait, do you mean Park Building on Amity Street?  Because that isn’t actually on Park, it’s on the corner of Garden Drive—”

The car went over a bump.  “Send me the coordinates,” said Coulson.  The GPS beeped. 

“Oh, Park Street and Amity Avenue.  No one calls that Park.”  She rolled down her window. 

“What are you doing?” asked Coulson. 

“I told you,” said Valerie, red creeping over his skin, “I’m going to fight!”  Before Coulson could say anything else, she climbed out of the window, summoned her hoverboard and flew to Park Street and Amity Avenue as fast as she could.

.

The only reason Coulson got to Amity Park before Tony did was that SHIELD didn’t give him a ride and he had to fix his instead.  Of course, fixing his suit was the responsible thing to do, he supposed.  He had no fire power and little fighting ability without it.  Martial arts were great and all, but he didn’t think trying to go after Loki bare handed was a smart move. 

And Tony was all about smart moves.  No matter what Pepper said. 

Anyway.

Point was, he was only getting into Amity when the Loki alert went out.  Bad timing in a vast number of ways.  He’d wanted to get his hands on the Fentons’ schematics before round two with the kid. 

“Sir,” said Jarvis.  “There is an unidentified craft ascending at your two o’clock.”

“Magnify.”

Jarvis zoomed in on…  Okay, Tony had officially lost the plot. 

“Patch me to Coulson.  Hey, Coulson, you know anything about little red riding hood on a flying surfboard, or am I hallucinating?”

“Red Huntress is on our side,” said

Tucker hunched over the Ops Center central control panel, trying not to be too nervous about the magic staff that would wake up his super-powered evil side sitting in the bag next to his feet, or Jazz and Sam tying up the mind-controlled government-sponsored assassin behind him.  Oh, he was also trying to hack several different government agencies and also keep an eye out for news about alien invasions, strange lights, Tony Stark, Captain America, Danny, and ghosts, because this was when a ghost would try to stake their claim on Amity Park, without Danny to defend it. 

The staff glittered temptingly, and Tucker pushed it further under the table.  He was pretty sure losing his mind to his jerkish megalomaniac (but very cool) past self would make the situation worse.  How it would make it worse, he wasn’t too clear on, but they already had one guy with delusions of divinity and a staff. 

One was enough. 

(Duulaman was definitely cooler than Loki, though.)

(And better looking.)

“Oh, heck, he’s waking up,” said Jazz, making Tucker jump and twitch towards the staff. 

He managed to abort the motion and prep his lipstick laser instead. 

“I’ll just—” started Sam. 

“You can’t give him another head injury, it might kill him!”

“Jazz, he shot you.  With an arrow.  I don’t really care.”

“Do you want to deal with a vengeful ghost assassin while Danny’s out of commission?”

Sam paused.  “No.”

“We’ve got the Fenton Cuffs on him, anyway.  And the Fenton Chains.  And the—”

“Please stop.  If I hear any more about your parents’ branded torture devices, I might lose my mind.”

At that point, the archer groaned and tried to sit up.  Unfortunately, he’d been attached to the Fenton Balls and Chain (three point five six times better than the original ball and chain!) and sitting up was therefore contraindicated. 

Yeah.  Tucker didn’t know what the Fentons had been thinking, either. 

“Hold up,” said Jazz, kneeling next to the archer, then thinking better of it and kneeling on his chest instead.  He wheezed, almost comically. 

“Uh, Jazz?” said Tucker.  “What are you doing?”

“One second.”  She pulled apart his eyelids with her fingers.  “His eye color is different than it was.”

“Contacts?” suggested Sam.

“I don’t think so,” said Jazz.  “Who’d wear color contacts to rob someone?  I think this kind of mind control must have a visual indicator, like overshadowing.”  She stood up and brushed off her knees, as if kneeling on the archer had made them dirty. 

“Great,” drawled Sam.  “So instead of a Nazi assassin being mind-controlled by an alien invader, he’s just a Nazi assassin.”

“A concussed Nazi assassin,” said Jazz.

“Who’re you callin’ a Nazi?” slurred the archer, squinting up at Sam. 

Sam crossed her arms.  “That’d be the guy working for Hydra.”

“There’s s’meone workin’ for Hydra?  Wha?”

“But more importantly,” said Jazz, “it seems to suggest that unconsciousness may be enough to release Loki’s victims from his control.”

“Like Danny,” said Tucker. 

“Yeah, but then we still have the problem of actually hitting Danny, the Creep Stick’s ability to concuss assassins that use archaic weaponry or no.”  Sam shrugged.  “Maybe if we got all the other people Loki has first?”

“But we’re not limited to the Creep Stick, are we?” asked Tucker.  “That’s why we… went to the museum.”  He rubbed his hands on his pants.  They really shouldn’t be having this conversation in front of the government agent. 

“Yeah,” said Sam, looking uncomfortable.  “But I know that’s… you know.  It’s kind of there for backup.  So we have the option.”

The computer beeped and Tucker spun his chair to look at it, scrolling through his news-scanning programs.  “Ghost Watch just reported a Loki sighting.”

“That’s kind of late, isn’t it?” asked Sam, taking a few steps forward to peer over his shoulder.  “Didn’t you send in that tip over an hour ago?”

“I did, and they reported on it.  This is a different Loki sighting.”  He looked over his shoulder at the archer.  “Is he, like, being a taxi for you guys and then going sight-seeing or what?  Why is he even here?”  The decision didn’t seem to be strategically sound. 

The archer blinked at him.  “Who?”

Great.  Fine.  Not like he’d expected their prisoner to be useful or anything.  He went back to the alert and continued reading, only to close his eyes.  “Danny’s with him.”

“That’s a problem,” said Sam. 

“No kidding,” snapped Tucker.  “At least we know where he is?  We could…”  He trailed off.  “Heck.”  He reached under the table and retrieved his bag. 

“What are you doing?” asked Jazz. 

“Knocking out Danny,” said Tucker, smiling thinly.  “Wish me luck.”

He grabbed the staff- his staff- and let the delicious power of it flow through him.  A gust of sand swept him away and deposited him on the corner of Park and Amity.

It was, of course the wrong Park and Amity, but that was fine.  He was an Amity Park native.  He’d find the right one eventually.  He raised his staff again.    

[orangeoctopi7]

Who was that Mysterious Figure?

I hope it’s OK to count chapter 16 of my Spider Stan AU for week 1 of @stanuary .

AO3 Link:  https://archiveofourown.org/works/17607854/chapters/111035395

Ford didn’t even remember blacking out, but when he came to, he was no longer in his basement lab. He was in town, perched on the vertical wall of the church tower in town square. He looked down at his reflection in a dark stained glass window in awe. 

He was completely covered in a fine webbing of black and gold, completely unrecognizable. It wasn’t far from the sketch he’d made of the new suit he wanted to make for Stanley, but with a sort of pyramid motif instead of one of spiders. His suit had enormous, slanting yellow eyes, and a large yellow inverted triangle on his chest. Whatever it was made of, it was clearly more advanced than any earthly fabric. It moved with him as he moved, almost like another set of muscles had attached themselves to the outside of his skin. He ran a finger along his arm, and despite the fact that it covered his fingers as well, he could feel the texture. It was fibrous and wiry and shifting, like it was alive.

SPOT ON AS ALWAYS, SIXER! 

By now, Ford was used to hearing Bill’s voice in his head from time to time, but now it seemed amplified. Almost overwhelming.

SO, YOU READY TO TAKE THIS THING OUT ON A JOYRIDE, SEE HOW IT WORKS?

“Yes.” Ford spoke aloud, but it sounded strange. Like his own voice had been thrown into a blender with Bill’s. He cleared his throat, and even that sounded wrong. This was going to take some getting used to. “Wha-- hmm-- uh, what do I do?”

THAT’S THE BEAUTY OF THE SYMBIOTE! IT SHARES THE SAME PSYCHIC LINK I DO WITH YOU, SO IT’S COMPLETELY INTUITIVE, LIKE THE MINDSCAPE! JUST THINK IT, AND IT WILL DO IT!

“If that’s the case, then how did I get out here?” 

SINCE IT’S THE SAME PSYCHIC LINK I SHARE WITH YOU, I CAN TAKE CONTROL IF YOU’RE EVER KNOCKED OUT OR EVEN IF YOUR HUMAN BRAIN IS JUST TAKING TOO LONG. JUST THINK OF IT AS A LITTLE HELP FROM A FRIEND.

Ford’s heart swelled with gratitude. He remembered a time when he didn’t dare hope that Bill could reciprocate his feelings of friendship, but now, not only were they friends, they were working together as one, as a superhero, trusting each other more than perhaps anyone had ever trusted another.

SURE I TRUST YOU, BUDDY! IF I CAN TRUST YOU TO BUILD THE PORTAL FOR ME, THEN OF COURSE I CAN TRUST YOU WITH THE SYMBIOTE.

Ford’s thoughts were thrown off track. That hadn’t even been directed at Bill, not even fully formed in his own head, how had he--?

OH YEAH, AS LONG AS YOU’RE WEARING THE SYMBIOTE, I HAVE FULL ACCESS TO YOUR THOUGHTS. IT’S NICE, I DON’T EVEN HAVE TO GO AROUND OPENING DOORS LIKE WHEN I’M IN YOUR DREAMSCAPE! 

Ford panicked and tried to bury a number of embarrassing thoughts before Bill could “see” them. Which of course, just brought them to the forefront of his mind. 

AHAHAHA, WHAT’S THE MATTER, FORDSY? WORRIED I’LL THINK IT’S PATHETIC HOW DESPERATE YOU ARE FOR MY APPROVAL? DON’T WORRY! I’M FLATTERED YOU CARE SO MUCH! NO NEED TO BE EMBARRASSED! WELL, MAYBE IT IS A LITTLE EMBARRASSING. BUT IN A CUTE, ENDEARING WAY, YA KNOW?

Ford felt himself flushing under the symbiote mask. This just caused Bill to laugh some more. 

SEE THIS? THIS IS WHY WE’RE FRIENDS. NONE OF THE OTHER FLESH SACKS WHO I WORKED WITH BEFORE GOT MY SENSE OF HUMOR LIKE YOU DO, IQ! HOW LUCKY AM I THAT YOU’RE BOTH SMARTER AND A BETTER SPORT THAN ANYONE ELSE!

“Th-thanks…” Ford stammered, before quickly shutting his mouth. He still didn’t like how this different voice sounded. 

If you can see directly into my thoughts, why can’t I see directly into yours? He switched to a directed thought instead. 

WELL, I MEAN, YOU COULD. IF YOU’RE OK WITH YOUR BRAIN EXPLODING IMMEDIATELY AFTER I OPEN THE CONNECTION. I’M KEEPING THAT BLOCKED OFF FOR YOUR SAFETY. 

Oh.

YEAH OH. NOW ARE WE GONNA TAKE THIS BABY ON A JOY RIDE OR WHAT?

Bill must have been impatient because Ford felt the symbiote start to move his body without his direction. Not liking the sensation, he quickly jumped back into control and climbed to the very top of the church steeple and took in his surroundings. 

He had no web shooters, but he instinctively knew that the fibrous symbiote could stretch itself to behave in much the same way. This was so much easier than it had been riding along with Stan! It was completely instinctual, and the one time he slipped up and missed his mark for a web anchor, Bill took over and shot out another line directly from his back and caught him before he fell more than a couple of inches. Soon Ford had the hang of swinging webs not just from his hands, but from any part of his body. The symbiote seemed to be able to stretch itself infinitely. 

They were swinging over the police station when Ford spotted movement out of the corner of his eye. A hooded figure in dark red robes was darting away from the back door of the station, where the thugs who had attacked them just yesterday were being held. Ford was about to go after the hooded figure when Bill held him back. 

WHOA THERE SIXER! WE DON’T KNOW WHO OR WHAT THAT THING IS, BUT THIS IS THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR LITTLE MOBSTER PROBLEM. 

What? What do you mean?

DON’T FORGET THESE JERKS KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE. SOME OF THEM EVEN KNOW YOU LOOK JUST LIKE THE SPIDER MAN. IF THEY GO BACK TO THEIR BOSS WITH THAT INFORMATION, IT DOESN’T MATTER IF YOUR BROTHER LEAVES OR NOT. YOU’LL BE A TARGET.

They’re in jail, they won’t have the chance to pass anything along. 

OH, THEY’LL FIND A WAY TO PASS IT ALONG. DOESN’T YOUR DUMB JUSTICE SYSTEM GIVE THEM ONE PHONE CALL OR SOMETHING?

Oh, right, he’d forgotten about that. But I’ll have you. I’ll have the symbiote.

TRUE! STILL, THESE ARE BAD GUYS, RIGHT? THEY’VE BEEN HUNTING DOWN YOUR BROTHER FOR WHO KNOWS HOW MANY YEARS. THEY’RE THE REASON HE’S BEEN ON THE RUN AND HOMELESS. I THINK YOU’LL AGREE, THEY DON’T DESERVE ANY MERCY.

Ford found he did agree. Rage was burning through him like a fever, coming on suddenly. He easily tore the back door off its hinges, giving him easy access to the cell where the thugs were being held. The four survivors were lazing about with blank stares when he found them. They all screamed when he reached through the bars and grabbed one by the throat. The symbiote stretched out beyond the natural reach of his arm and slammed the man into the back wall. It was the one who’d held the knife to his throat earlier. 

“Wh-what!?” The thug choked out in a panic. “What is that thing!?”

His compatriots just cowered and whimpered in fear. 

“You’re going to stop hunting the Spider Man.” Ford growled in his strange new voice. 

“Wh-wh-what is that? Is that what you are? I’ve never seen anything like you before in my life!”

SEE FORDSY, THREATENING THEM ISN’T GONNA WORK BECAUSE THAT’S ALREADY WHAT THEIR BOSS DOES. THE ONLY WAY YOU’RE GONNA TAKE CARE OF THESE IDIOTS IS THE PERMANENT WAY. 

Bill took over again and his muse spoke through him in that same blended voice. “Oh-ho, you wish I was the second-rate hero who landed you in here! I’m Venom, and I’m not some sap who’s just gonna send you off to jail and hope you never bother anyone again. I’m your worst nightmare!” With that, more of the symbiote branched off from his arm and formed a long, sharp spear, aimed straight at the man’s head.

The rage seething inside Ford almost led him to let Bill follow through with the threat, but he balked at the last second. He’d never killed anyone, unless you counted those zombies, and he was pretty sure they became completely mindless after a few days. What’s more, something was wrong here. These guys were too scared for thugs who worked for the mob, and it wasn’t just fear in their eyes, it was confusion.

“Do you know where you are right now?” Ford took over and pulled the spike away, letting up from his choke hold on the man a bit.

The man and all his compatriots shook their heads.

“Does the name Gravity Falls mean anything to you?”

Again, they all shook their heads no. 

“Do any of you remember how you got here?”

More head shakes. 

“What’s the last thing any of you remember?”

That one they did have an answer for. Most of them answered that the last thing they remembered was a casino, while another said the last thing he remembered was a long drive from Portland. To where, he didn’t recall. None of them seemed to remember anything about the last 24 hours. And none of them could remember anything about a Spider Man. 

THEY COULD JUST BE FAKING IT SIXER, ARE YOU REALLY READY TO TAKE THAT CHANCE?

But as Ford looked into their eyes, he was certain they weren’t faking it.

NO OFFENSE IQ BUT YOU’RE NOT THE BEST AT SPOTTING LIARS.

I’m not about to kill them either way!

Bill didn’t respond immediately, but after a beat he laughed.

SURE, IT WOULDN’T BE VERY HEROIC TO KILL THEM LIKE THIS, WOULD IT? IF THEY DO END UP SENDING MORE MOOKS AFTER US, WE’LL TAKE CARE OF THEM THEN. 

Ford pulled the extended symbiote back to him, letting the thug he’d been harassing drop back to the floor. He was trying to think of something witty to say to the criminals as he left when he heard a familiar voice.

“Sweet Moses, what happened to the door?” The Spider Man was whispering, but with the symbiote’s enhancements, Ford could hear him all the way in the next room. He began to panic. What was he supposed to do? How was he going to explain this to Stanley?

OH, DEFINITELY DON’T TELL HIM. REMEMBER YOUR SCIENCE FAIR PROJECT? REMEMBER HOW JEALOUS HE CAN GET?

It apparently wasn’t up for debate, because Bill took over again and climbed up to the ceiling to sneak out the back door. Unfortunately, Stan was also on the ceiling. 

“What the h—” He was cut off when Bill whipped him in the face with a tendril of symbiote.

“Meet your replacement, Spider Man! I’m Venom! I look forward to outclassing you in the future!” And with that he scurried away.

That was more malicious than necessary.

OH PLEASE, YOU ACT LIKE YOU’VE NEVER DONE A LITTLE SIBLING RIBBING BEFORE!

I don’t think he’ll see it that way, especially since we’re apparently not going to tell him it’s me.

THAT’S WHAT MAKES IT SO GREAT! FINALLY, A SECRET YOU DON’T HAVE TO SHARE WITH YOUR TWIN!

Normally, Ford would argue that Bill’s existence was already a secret he didn’t have to share with his twin, plus over ten years spent apart, but he found himself agreeing with his muse. His usual arguments were shoved back to his subconscious faster than the embarrassing thoughts he’d been trying to purposefully bury earlier, before he even consciously noticed he’d been actively thinking of them. 

-line break-

Stan had just been going to try and interrogate the remaining four thugs to see how much they knew about Ford. Thankfully, he hadn’t been using his real name when he’d worked for Rico, so at least they couldn’t use that to connect them, but he couldn’t really do anything about the fact that they looked pretty much identical. How many of these jerks had just assumed Ford was him, and how many had worked out they were brothers? What could he possibly do to buy their silence? Maybe give them some of Ford’s science junk? Any criminal would be happy to have these web shooters, even if it took super strength to actually swing around on them without pulling your arms out of their sockets. But would that really be enough to keep them from going back to Rico with such juicy black mail?

This wasn’t his first time breaking into, or out of, a police station jail. Normally, he’d observe the security cameras, crawl up on a wall or ceiling in a blind spot, and then crawl up close enough to cover whichever ones were pointed at the window or door he wanted to enter through. Then he’d pick the lock and be in and out before anyone noticed the camera wasn’t working. 

Unfortunately, someone got here first who wasn’t nearly so careful. 

“Sweet Moses, what happened to the door?” It had been pulled off its hinges from the outside by something powerful. Maybe even more powerful than him. Stan gulped. So either Rico had already sent someone else, maybe even found someone else with super powers, or some cryptid had crawled out of the woods and decided the jail was a good place to get a midnight snack. 

Well, whatever it was, his spider-sense wasn’t going off, so it was long gone. For now, he’d just look for clues. Maybe Ford could help him figure out what it had been. 

His heart sank. Maybe not. He’d have to leave tomorrow to try and get these jerks off Ford’s tail.

He climbed up onto the ceiling to avoid any security cameras, and was about half way through the room when something else entered into the room from the direction of the cells, also climbing on the ceiling. 

Stan’s jaw dropped. It was almost solid black, with golden yellow webbing spreading across its surface, an inverted triangle of gold emblazoned across its chest like a shield, and huge glowing yellow eyes. If Stan had to guess what Ford’s crazy cryptid publications thought he looked like, this would be it. 

“What the h—” He didn’t even get the cuss fully formed in his mouth before a tentacle or something shot out of its arm and slapped him across the face like an offended mother. 

“Meet your replacement, Spider Man!” It spoke with no mouth, its voice somehow simultaneously gravely and whiney. “I’m Venom! I look forward to outclassing you in the future!” It scuttled away before he could respond, like a cockroach, human shaped, but inhuman movements. It gave him the willies. He wasn’t sure he wanted to follow after it.

So he didn’t. Whatever that cryptid was, and whatever it wanted with him, it didn’t really matter. He was going to be gone by this time tomorrow, and from what Ford said, most of the local weirdness didn’t leave Roadkill County. He had much bigger fish to fry. Hopefully whatever that was didn’t kill these jerks. Sure, these guys were ruining his life just when he was thinking things might finally go his way for a change, and they’d probably kill him if they thought they could get away with it, but if Stan stopped caring about human life when it was convenient, he wouldn’t be any better than Rico.

Thankfully, they were all still alive, but whatever that thing had been, it had obviously roughed them up. What’s more, none of them remembered a thing about him. They all huddled in the corner like a bunch of scared kittens as soon as he entered the room, and none of them recognized him, or even remembered the last 24 hours. What the heck was that thing, and what had it done to them?

-line break-

Everyone slept in the next morning, and everyone looked exhausted once they finally pulled themselves out of bed and to the kitchen for breakfast. 

“Is your insomnia acting up again?” Ford asked McGucket between guzzling cups of coffee. 

“Eh, not exactly.” Fiddleford’s gaze was glued to his own mug. “I, uh, had some calculations I had to work on late last night.”

Ford nodded. His friend had always triple checked their calculations instead of just double checking. 

“You?”

“Oh, well I was…” Ford felt the condensed ball of black and yellow goo in his pocket twitch. “I was studying the meteorite that saved us unexpectedly.”

Stan rolled into the kitchen with a loud groan. “Yeesh, what a night.” He yanked the coffee pot out of Ford’s hand without even asking. “I was packing until I thought things were probably quiet enough at the police station I could slip out there and interrogate Rico’s goons, see how much they know before I try and get him off you guys’s trail. Only when I get there, all their minds have been wiped by some weird black and yellow tentacle cryptid!”

Ford and McGucket both looked at him with surprise. 

“You think the cryptid wiped their minds?” Ford asked incredulously.

“No, Ford, I think some other random thing came along and wiped their minds before I found them with the cryptid.” Stan answered sarcastically. “Seriously, what else could it be? Unless you know some other kinda weird thing that can erase minds.”

The researcher glanced at his assistant, whose eyes were once again glued to his mug. “No creatures that I’m aware of, no, but that sound suspiciously like—” 

“Y’know, I reckon I saw that cryptid last night too.” Fiddleford interrupted him. 

“Really, when?” Ford asked, surprised. 

“Oh, eh, I was, er, on the porch, uh, emptyin’ out my spitoon right before I went to sleep late last night, thought I saw it up in the trees. Human shaped, black silhouette with a yellow triangle on its chest and big ol’ yellow eyes.”

“Yep, that’s the same one I saw.” Stan nodded. 

Ford frowned. He thought he’d been so careful not to be spotted when he came home last night!

“Well, it's not a cryptid I’m familiar with.” Ford said.

“Great, sounds like you’ll have something new and exciting to study instead of my dumb powers.” Stan said, finishing off his mug of coffee before slinging his duffle back over his arm. “Welp, better hit the road. I’ve already wasted enough daylight sleeping in so late today.”

Ford grabbed him roughly by the arm. “Stanley, wait! Surely the fact that their minds have been erased buys us some time?”

“Sure it does. That’s why I can’t waste it.”

“I can’t just let you leave and put yourself in danger to protect me! I’m not a helpless child anymore!”

Stan sighed, turning away from his brother. “Ford, we’ve been over this. Stop making it more difficult than it has to be.”

“No! I’m not letting you leave like this!” His grip on his brother’s arm tightened and he felt the symbiote crawl out of his pants pocket and slip under his shirt.

Stan turned back to his brother and grinned dangerously. “I’d really love to see you try and stop me, Sixer.”

“I’m more than capable of protecting myself!” Ford growled.

“Good, that means you don’t need me anymore!” Stan went to yank his arm out of his brother’s grip.

It didn’t budge.

Stan looked at his brother with eyes as big as saucers. He’d never seen Stanford so furious, not even when he’d confronted Stan about the broken spider habitat. The con man was about to ask his brother what the big deal was, when McGucket spoke up again. 

“Y’know, I do have an idea that might make this whole argument a moot point.” 

The brothers looked at him expectantly. 

“These folks couldn’t find any of us, if we moved our research to a secret bunker in the middle of the woods.”

Stan looked at the inventor incredulously. “You, uh, you just got one of those lying around, do ya?”

“No, but there’s plenty o’ tunnels and the like under this here valley, wouldn’t be too difficult to fit one out for our needs. I’d already been thinkin’ about buildin’ one, just in case the portal goes critical—”

Stan paled, “Is that likely?”

Fiddleford didn’t answer Stan’s question, but he did shoot a meaningful glance at Ford, “—so I’ve already got a location in mind and some basic schematics drafted. Shouldn’t take more’n a day or two to build with the proper help.”

Ford’s demeanor immediately brightened. “That’s perfect!”

Stan was more apprehensive. He’d already made peace with his decision. This was always going to happen sooner or later. Leaving while Ford still wanted and cared about him was honestly the highest note he could go out on.

Obviously sensing his brother’s hesitation, Ford yanked his duffle bag out of his hands. 

“You’re staying.” 

It wasn’t a suggestion or even a declaration. It was a demand. One with a far more aggressive edge to it than Stan was used to hearing in his brother’s voice. Not that Ford couldn’t be aggressive. Just not about this kind of thing. In the past it had only ever been when he was defending his scientific research, or his nerdy interests, or even the rare occasions when he would talk back to his bullies. 

Finally deciding that the argument was no longer worth the effort, Stan rolled his eyes and left the kitchen. “Guess I’ll go unpack then.”

Ford turned his intense gaze to Fiddleford. “What did you do with the memory gun?”

McGucket did a spit take in surprise. “I-I dismantled it days ago, I told ya!”

“Really? Then why do none of the criminals from yesterday remember the last 24 hours? Or the Spider Man, for that matter?”

“S-stanley could be mistaken. They could just be playin’ dumb to try and fool him!”

“And more tellingly, why did Stan assume their memories were erased by the cryptid? Why didn’t he even ask you about the possibility that your memory gun had been used?”

“B-because he knew I dismantled it!”

“Stanley isn’t that trusting, or stupid! Even if he was 100% certain that you’d dismantled it, he would have asked you if you thought anyone might have swiped the blueprints, or if you’d ever shared the designs with anyone outside of the three of us. Unless he somehow forgot about its existence altogether.”

Fiddleford’s face contorted into a guilt-stricken frown, clearly caught in his lie. “Stanford, I’m so sorry—”

“Where is it?” Again, it wasn’t a simple question or a suggestion. It was a demand. One with more fire behind it than even Ford’s thesis defense. 

“P-please, I need it! I-I’m not like you, I-I can’t live with this knowledge! Without it, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, it’s like every moment I’m just waitin’ for an alien invasion or— or some monster to come crashin’ out o’ the woods, o-or that th-thing you’re obsessed with to-to do somethin’!”

“I told you, that device is far too dangerous!”

“No more dangerous than your portal! I’m still running the simulations, but there is definitely a non-zero chance it’ll go critical.”

“They said there was a non-zero chance the first nuclear bomb tests would ignite the entire atmosphere.” Ford scoffed. “You’re a brilliant engineer, I know you’ll be able to find a way to mitigate the risk.” 

“Oh, so that’s it? My concerns are just unfounded hogwash, but I should throw away the only thing that makes it possible for me to sleep at night just cuz you’re worried about possible misuse?”

Ford fixed his friend with a dark glare. “My device can’t be used on the unsuspecting without their consent.”

“Oh, really Stanford?” McGucket put his hands on his hips. “You plannin’ on gettin’ a permission slip from Town Hall when it’s time to power up that portal? How about the State Legislature? The White House? The United Nations givin’ you the go ahead?”

Ford gripped his friend’s shoulder tightly and it was anything but calming. “Where. Is it?”

The sound of shattering glass broke them out of their intense staring contest. They turned to see Stan with the memory gun broken in his grasp, smaller bits of it littering the floor at his feet. 

“Super hearing, remember?” He grunted. “I remembered the thing as soon as Ford mentioned it.” He tossed the two largest pieces in the trash and grabbed a dustpan to sweep up the fragments on the floor. “All I had to do was dig around your room for a bit.” 

Fiddleford looked stricken, as broken as the memory gun sitting in the trash. “H-how could you?” He whispered.

“Look, I get it.” Stan said sympathetically. “I swear I do. But do ya really think I’m gonna trust you with that thing again after you used it on me against my will?” 

The inventor didn’t seem to be able to hear him. “How could you!?” He exploded. “How could you doom me to this— this madness!? To the eyes and the laughter—”

“Yeesh, dramatic much?” Stan rolled his eyes. 

That was the last straw, Fiddleford stormed out of the room, and they heard the front door slam open and shut as well, followed by the sound of the McGucket’s truck revving up and speeding away.

-line break-

Ivan was sitting by the side of the road anxiously wringing his hands. The carnival was packing up, and his coworkers were shooting him glares for not helping, but he'd agreed to meet someone here. Someone important.

He was surprised when the truck he was expecting came early. Fiddleford McGucket climbed out, shaking like a leaf. 

"Oh thank goodness you're still here!" The inventor hugged Ivan like a lifeline.

"Of course, sir, I told you I'd wait after what you showed me last night."

"The prototype was destroyed this morning. Have ya still got the upgraded version I left with you for safe keeping?"

Ivan nodded and pulled out the fancy wooden box McGucket had given him last night. The inventor breathed a sigh of relief and opened it up, revealing a new memory gun. His shaking stopped the moment he held it in his hands.

"It ain't safe to keep this here computermajig where I'm stayin' anymore. Can I trust you to keep it safe a while longer?"

"I'd be honored, sir!"

McGucket clapped the younger man on the back. "You, me, an' this here device is just the start of something big. I already got other folks in mind. We're gonna save this town. Welcome to the Society of the Blind Eye."

FFW EEJB HBAZE A GIVL WM LA DGEPFE HBSF AJTDP USGGDW WKEJQBA UGJL. XZVV WZ A’Y NDTCZVU CL EYXX EEL IMAZE LAI JGAVAARW MS TWBNJAJ ZBQ ZVGNWMB GY SLBFCYTR HHWJMGMAZE KBBVZ, HBSF RZBRX KCODP QLBPC LC MGYC VTQROS.

[astaroth1357]

Demigod MC Series: Dionysus

Hey y’all, sorry for going dark! I’m alright, almost completely recovered in fact! I just got so sleepy while my body was fighting stuff off and couldn’t really work up the energy to write... Still going to be spotty for a short time, but I’m glad to have gotten this done. See ya soon!

Demigod MC Series: Intro, Aphrodite, Hermes, Hades, Dionysus

Lucifer

Well, this mortal stumbled out of the portal covered in glitter, body paint, and carrying a red solo cup… which they proceeded to stare at like, "'ell sshhit… Thiz iz sum stron s'uff…"

First impressions were not on their side here.

He spent a depressingly long amount of time more or less assuming that the MC was a drunken f-up and spent the first few months trying to make them more… presentable.

But like… How do you stop someone from acting like a drunk fool when they can turn any drink they touch alcoholic???

For months they would show up to meetings buzzed or stumbling, all smiles and all giggles but HORRIBLY unprofessional, and he just couldn't stand it!

But then he found out their little secret…

Assassination threats befall the exchange students all the time. Most of them are dealt with quickly but some (through skill or dumb luck) manage to slip through...

He had been walking with the MC through their new vineyard in the House's courtyard, yet again trying to lecture them about their drunken behavior, when suddenly the two were ambushed!

Ten or so heavily armored demons dropped down from the sky to attack them! Lucifer was so preoccupied that he got cornered by three of them and it took him a hot minute to destroy them.

When he looked back at the mortal (who had been fighting a 1-on-7) he was certain they'd have been kidnapped or worse…

But he saw that they had already cut down two attackers with their weapon with ease. The other five were rolling in the dirt, babbling about inexplicable terrors and imaginary pain as their minds succumbed to madness…

Meanwhile, the MC just stood in the middle of it all with the icy glare of someone who’s just revealed how stone-cold sober they've always been under the surface...

When they turned back to him, they put their usual ditzy smile back on over the tormented wails of the demons around them...

MC: Whoopsie… Gotta little mad there. 🙂

He uh… took a big ol'step off their back after that. Surprisingly, they're more pleasant (and less dangerous) "drunk" than they are sober…

Mammon

Oh HELL yeah!! Lucifer actually gave him a mortal that knows how to party!!

Admittedly, they looked like utter trash when they first met, like, "Hey, I've been at this party since DAWN" trash, but they gave him one good look and pulled together a surprisingly hot smile.

MC: "-ey yer cute… Ya like strip poker?"

Spoken like someone else who also makes shit decisions… They were going to get along just fine!

And they did. The MC to him was that one friend that's always down for anything. Just anything. Whenever. Wherever.

He wants to try sneaking into Lucifer's room to steal stuff? Sure, what time?

He wants to take a mattress and see if he can ride it down the grand staircase of the palace? Alright, we bringin' pillows too?

He needs to set up another scheme that's gotta involve live rats and box of tiny hats and monocles?? That's oddly specific but count them in!!

Sometimes he honestly can't tell if they're laid back or just crave chaos... but it works out fine for him either way so who cares? 🤷‍♀️

And if you think normal Mammon is a pain in the ass for Lucifer? Check out drunk Mammon. All the same urges but literally none of the (marginal) competence!!

At one point, the eldest ended up stringing both Mammon and the MC from the ceiling after they both barged into his office looking for Goldie… while he was still in there… watching them wander around aimlessly calling out for a piece of plastic like it was a missing puppy…

They end up together on the ceiling a lot come to think of it, but hey, at least now he has some company. 😌

Leviathan

Thinks they're the most normal normie to have ever normed on this normie planet!!!

No, seriously. They're a billion times worse than Asmo!! All they want to do is go to parties and drink all the time! What kind of use is he to someone like that??

… That being said they ARE pretty fun to be around… And their sake is WAY better than anything he could get off Akuzon!!

They also like karaoke too! So at least he has someone else to go with (even if they get so drunk they can’t remember any lyrics and just belt barely coherent discount Mariah Carey vocals behind him...)

Of course, the real fun between these two is everybody else getting to watch a couple of the Devildom's sloppiest drunks attempt to communicate with each other…

Levi: MMM-*hic*-MCCC…!!! *throws himself at them from across the bar*

MC: What Leviachan??? 😨 Did the chair kick you off?!

Levi: Nooo! *pokes their cheek* I wanna-I wanna tell you sometin'...! *tries pulling them closer*

MC: Whaa? Secrets?? *leans in eagerly*

Levi: Mammon used all ma money on’a pyramid scheme a thou-zand years ago… AND HE STILL WON'T PAY ME BAAA-!!! 😭😭 *starts shaking them violently*

MC: *getting flung around like a limp noodle* Waaaat?! Nooo!!! I'm so sowwy!! 😢

Mammon: *watching it all go down right next to him* 😑 Ya guys need some water… I'm cuttin' ya off, got it?

MC: 😱 Shut yer whore mouth, criminal!! *starts pelting him with pretzel bites*

Levi: 😤 Yah!! *joins in*

Good thing he's a shut-in, because the hangovers he gets after those escapades are unreal…

Satan

A little concerned for their liver, honestly… How much damage have they already done to the poor thing...?

But at the same time, he'll be damned if they don't make some utterly fantastic wine!

Alcokinesis wasn't a power he would have pegged a demigod to have but apparently the great art of making drinks comes from their godly DNA.

When they first met, he was trying to get the MC to act less slovenly but made the mistake of agreeing to a wager: he'd let them dress however they pleased if they could give him the BEST drink he'd ever tasted.

Now, Satan isn't a huge drinker (thank you terrible alcohol tolerance), but he's still a man of fine tastes. Plus, he's sampled Demonus from Diavolo royal stock before. They should not have won…

But on that day, he had to let them go to RAD in a pink blanket toga... 😑 Their wine is just THAT good.

He hates to admit it, but they've gotten him drunk more times than he could probably count too… He's not a huge fan of clubbing with them and the others, but if they bring over a bottle from their vineyard he just can't resist. They're a master of their craft, truly.

And it's a good thing he likes their drinks so much, because if they called him, "Kitty-boy," when he's sober, he may have just become a sour grape himself…

They also may or may not have copious amounts of blackmail material of him either meowing between sentences, sobbing over some fictional character he likes, pole dancing on dares….

Yeah, he's been trying to destroy their phone for months now. If Lucifer were to see ANY of that, he's done for… 😣

He has also been meaning to ask them about other aspects of their abilities, their father is also the God of Madness after all, but anytime he tries to bring it up they shove another glass in his hand and tell him not to kill the mood...

Eh. What's the harm in having another drink, right? 🤷‍♀️

Asmodeus 

Honey. He's MET Dionysus. He's been to a Dio-party or two and they're INSANE. He could not be more thrilled by this!!!

He practically scooped them up on the first night that they were in the House and it’s practically been a nonstop rave between these two ever since. They’re like the party twin he never knew he needed!!

He absolutely abuses their ability to turn pretty much any drink they touch into alcohol at clubs. It makes the nights so much easier on the wallet PLUS it makes an excellent little party trick to impress the succubi! Who doesn’t want a free drink? 😏

And can he just say that their drinks are better? Just flat out amazing! If it weren’t so unhealthy he’d consider drinking nothing but their booze and wine for the rest of his days, Satan’s certainly getting close to it.

But little does Satan know, he’s not even getting the GOOD stuff...

There’s the normal wine: grapes picked from the vineyard, hand squeezed, then magically helped through the fermenting process. But their real good stuff? They were given enchanted oak barrels from their father and anything that comes out of those is worth starting a WAR over. 😩

He knows, because he gifted an extra bottle to Diavolo once and Barbs came to him the very next day demanding to know what vineyard had produced it with the look of man willing to annex a small nation...

Asmo had to beg Lucifer to talk to Diavolo after the butler more or less kidnapped the MC back to the Castle… Devil knows even Barbs wouldn’t ever be able to reproduce their wine, so they could have been locked there for eternity!!

Thankfully, he got his party-buddy back and their debauchery continued! (Just now with Barbatos following them around sometimes like he’s trying to gather state secrets... It’s an impossible task but he hasn’t given up yet, bless his black heart.)

Beelzebub

He isn't much bothered by their carefree nature, at least they seem to be having fun with his family which he appreciates. 🙂

To be honest, though, he nearly ate them when they first met because they smell like freshly peeled grapes… and for good reason.

By their third day at the House they had (somehow) planted and cultivated a full on vineyard in the courtyard. Hell, the wall growing to their bedroom balcony was covered in grapevines!! Always ripe and completely healthy in defiance of the lack of sun... Whatever magic they used was strong.

And, of course, their grapes were also delicious! Easily among the best fruits he's ever tasted! Every cluster is ridiculously plump, juicy, and sweet like little droplets of pure Heaven… 🤤

When their fruit first ripened, the MC came out with a basket to collect some only to find Beel had gouged himself on over half of their crop!!!

… which may have been why he got snared up on one of the courtyard walls by pissed off grapevines... Even with all his strength, he couldn't break through them and had to wait for Lucifer to cut him down… 😔 

From then on, Beel was pretty much the pesky rabbit to the MC's harvest. They had to set up traps and magical barriers to keep him from their precious grapes…!! Which inevitably meant one of his brothers had to come rescue him from their furious vines at least once a week... 🙄

SOMETIMES, the MC will bring him along to help harvest with them with the deal that he can have an extra basket for however many he helps them pick. But the second he takes a bite he shouldn't, it’s back on the wall!

Out of the vineyard, they're nice enough. But put some grapes between these two and they're mortal enemies… STOP messing with their plants, Beel!! 😤

Belphegor 

So… this drunken fool is supposed to get him out of the attic? Never mind, this is never going to work…

He was SEVERELY underwhelmed when the "human" finally made it up the steps. This was who they decided to bring for their exchange program? They seemed like they could barely stand!

Naturally, he figured all the better for him. They probably wouldn't even last that long! 

Some poor, incompetent human falling victim to a demon out there? Diavolo's reputation would in tatters and he wouldn't even have to lift a finger! (His favorite way of doing things really 😌).

But… they just kept coming back? Like. Nothing was killing them….! How guarded were they keeping this moron?? 

Or… maybe it was something else?

Sure, the MC seemed like a drunken idiot but there were times when he'd swear that they were just… too aware to be sloshed…

MC: *suddenly stops smiling at him mid-conversation and looks him in the eye* You tilt your head when you lie. You know that?

How can someone so cheerful ALSO be so unnerving…?

So really, he should have seen their sudden heel-turn after they opened the door coming. There he was, fully intending to take them by surprise and choke them after a hug…

...and they knocked him down, climbed onto his back like a spider monkey, and rode him around like a bucking bull using his horns like handlebars!!

It wouldn’t have been AS humiliating if they didn’t also keep shouting things like "Giddiyap!" And "Yee-haw!!"

It took him a whole month to be sure that any and all footage of that nightmare was erased and he STILL hates the MC quite a bit for it…. But he's too scared to attack them now, so…

The lesson here? It's not a fair fight when one side’s crazy... 😔😒