#i remember that he thinks the pyramids are portals

[the-swaggy]

I FINALLY POST ABOUT MY DELTARUNE AU

(Fun Gang/$%&! Squad/Lancer Fanclub + Noelle refsheets & more info in desc)

(Read desc for infodump about my au if you wanna 😭)

The faded headshots next to each colored pic is their past selves from when the game took place

part 2: main & secret bosses Uh anyways au yap sesh starts below:

It's called Lost Pieces, and basically it's a deltarune au where Kris and Susie forgot about the prophecy and stopped going to Castletown & exploring dark worlds after they came back from the cyberworld— and then remember about it later when they are all Asriel's age & in college and stuff, and have to reinstill hope in everyone and reform the Fun Gang/@$%& Squad/Lancer Fanclub (in this au, it's called the Lancer fanclub).

Other info that I may or may not have briefly mentioned in the ref sheets/other random info:

(TW: mental health stuff, familial issues, charecter death, child abuse)

General: 

This au takes place after a true route (not a wierd route/snowgrave route, Noelle nor the others killed anyone.. exempt Spamton but like that was on accident 😭) (he is still technically around guys dw)

In Lost Pieces, Kris and Susie discovered the darkworld while they were in middleschool (they were 12-13yrs), Ralsei was around their age as well, and Lancer was two years younger than the three (10yrs). 

The lighteners first arrived in 2018, since that's when Deltarune came out. The events of chapter one took place on 12/11/18 and chapter two on 12/12/18. That was the last day Kris was in the darkworld— however Susie's last visit was in 2020. She didn't visit super often, but would try for once a month.

Worldbuilding-specific stuff:

The town that Kris and Susie live in is in the northern midwest of the U.S.

In Lost Pieces, the darkworld have different names— The darkworld that contains 'Card Kingdom' is called Kaardarke (pronounced "card-ar-kay-"), The Cyberworld is technically called 'Cybertopia', but nobody really calls it that anymore.

Each darkworld had their own offical language before The Knight showed up— after that, they all switched over to the language that the knight spoke. That's the only reason that Kris and Susie were even able to understand the darkeners.

Each darkener species is bound to the world they came from (EX: Maises to the Cyberworld, Hathy to Kaardarke), but before the knight created each world's respective fountains, they could crossover into eachother's worlds using The Pure-Fountain in the then-empty Castletown as a portal (This was because the spare classroom used to have a small computer lab). Only after the fountains in each world were created, they couldn't crossover anymore due to the energy from the opposite portals turning visiters to stone. Eventually the computer lab was removed from the spare classroom and all of the old supplies were moved to the library. Darkeners who have one parent from each of the two darkworlds are bound to the world that they spend the most time in, which is why Lancer was bound to Kaardarke rather than Cybertopia.

While The Cyberworld uses a lot of more-lightworldish concepts, such as the months being January-December like they are in english-speaking countries & understanding social refrences (like how Queen understands lightener internet humor, and how Addisons understand how buisness works, like how a lightener would)— Kaardarke is a lot less connected to the lightworld. They had some vague connections through back when Cybertopians could travel there, but lost a lot of them during the time since then. They have their own calender system, social pyramid and their society functions very differently than Cybertopia's, or the lightworlds'.

Darkener species list time!

First up is Kaardarke:

Hathy

Rudinn

Clobbes (pronounced "claw-bes")— the clubs, basically think of Clover 

Tribril (pronounced "trib-rill")— the spades, basically think of King and Lancer

Bloxers

Jigsawra— the puzzle piece lookin' dudes, basically think of the tutorial masters & jigsawry

Rabbick

Chescheckes (pronounced "chez-check-ees")— the checkers guys (C-Rounds & K-Rounds) and Mr. Elegance/Mr. Society

Starwalkers— the starwalker birds .......and of course nobody could forget about my guy The Original   Starwalker

Species list for Cybertopia:

Tasques

Swatchlings

Pluggids— plugboy, werewires, werewerewire technically

Maises

Poppups

Addisons

Ambyu-Lancers

ViroViroKuna

Musiks— basically, think of Sweet, Cap'n & K_k of whatever their names are 😭

Mascottics— everyone else, (basically the thing about Mascottics is that they are all unique)— think Nubert or sum idk

Okay no more species lists, back to notes.

The knight-made fountains can cause darkeners to have vivid nightmares and visions if exposed to them closely for a long period of time. It can influence their behavior too (canon).

The knight showed up in Kaardarke at some point in the late 90s, and in Cybertopia in 2008

Kris: 

The player stopped controling Kris after they came back from the Cyberworld, and seemed to fade out of existance. Kris was left being unable to make desisions for themselves for awhile afterward, since they were so used to the player doing it for them. They also had memory issues after the player left, and barely remembered anything about the darkworld.

Now that they are older, they have learned how to live again, but still feels like something's missing. That's when the player makes it's return, which leads Kris to remember about the prophecy and about their freinds that they accidentaly abandoned.

Susie:

Susie remembered about her freindgroup in the darkworld better than Kris did, and went back many times before she graduated 8th grade and went on to highschool, which was in a different building. She stopped visiting by that time, since she couldn't just walk over there anytime anymore. Eventually she forgot about it too. But, she still remembers Lancer somewhat, since she viewed him as a younger brother who understood her struggle with her family, he was her favorite out of him and Ralsei.

Susie's parents were not kind to her— or to eachother. They fought all of the time, and physically abused eachother. They did not respect Susie at all, and they hated Noelle when Susie finally told them about her. When Susie graduated, she moved out as quickly as she could.

She has two tattoos— one on each shoulder. They aren't super visable on this ref sheet but one of them is a spade and the other is a heart with Noelle's name in it. Yadda yadda they are lesbians..!

Ralsei:

Ralsei hated being alone, and would spend as much time with Lancer as possible when the lighteners weren't around in order to distract himself from thinking about whether or not they had abandoned him. As a result, Lancer and him became good friends and Lancer hired him as the new royal magician of Castletown. Ralsei did his duties the best he could, until he eventually let it hit him that Kris hadn't been around for a year now.

Since Ralsei was basically made for the prophecy, and only existed so that it could be furfilled, he was very terrified of everything falling apart— as kris was the only one who could seal the fountains.

Ralsei vanished after Susie visited for the final time, and ran off. He is still registered as the royal magician, but hasn't been in Castletown for five years now.

Lancer:

As I mentioned in his ref sheet, Lancer is Queen's biological son in this au— which causes some issues for Lancer. For starters, he overheats very easily since his mechanical parts are already warmed from his bodyheat (he does not do well in hot weather, which is part of the reason he was so socially isolated when Kris and Susie met him.

Kaardarke has a relatively warmer climate, (the school forgot to close the heating vent in the spare classroom 😭) which makes it hard for Lancer to leave the castle.

The other reason was that most kaardarkeners hated him because he would cause disturbances frequently when he was out and about. 

Lancer also can't tolerate water very well, King understood this and still made him shower excessively whenever he cursed (that last part is canon I swear I am not making this all up)

Lancer had no idea why he was so different from all of the other Tribril, but after the lighteners brought Queen and the Cybertopians to Castletown, Queen told him the truth.

Lancer nowadays is kind of untrusting of Rouxls and Queen, since both kind of coddle him and are kind of helicopter-parents— but then sgain, it's a huge jump from how neglectful King was towards him.

King would often forget to feed Lancer, which would often lead to Rouxls feeding him worms (also canon). King, if he did remember, would give him very.. for lack of a better term, insane dishes that you could barely even consider a full meal.

An example from canon being how Lancer thought that three glasses of milk was a normal dinner (poor Lancer).

King would also harshly punish Lancer over very small issues, like how I mentioned the cursing thing earlier.

King's treatment of Lancer worsened when King had a darkfountain-induced vision/nightmare that lighteners were going to return, and sent Lancer to 'dispose of them', seemingly ignoring the fact that Lancer was ten and by himself. 

While Lancer knows that King is more stable now, he cannot forgive him for how he treated him when he was younger.

He is desperate to stop himself from becoming as narrow-minded & hateful as King, but in doing-so, he is adopting some of his mannerisms & has picked up his opinions on lighteners.

You can probably tell who my favorite deltarune charecter is by now...!

Also I should mention that Lancer's full name is Lancer II, his dad's Lancer I.

Noelle: 

She still thinks the Cyberworld was a dream, and doesn't think any of it actually happened due to what Susie told her when they were there.

Meanwhile, her father passed away when she was a sophomore, and since then she has dedicated herself to learning medacine. She feels like she can/should help save others, since she couldn't save Rudy.

CONGRATS, YOU REACHED THE END!

I will make more posts about this au, secret bosses next since I already have ref sheets for them too.  Then the actual bosses and other canon charecters. Maybe I might introduce some of my other little guys by then too. (I made some enemy ocs 🤯🤯) (theres a lot of them too) (and by 'enemy' I don't mean they are antagonists, I mean they are like, species of enemies in the game.. like rudinn and stuff)

if there are any spelling issues then my bad, I wrote this up very quickly 😭

and suselle is canon in this au, rahhh lesbian apocalypse (they are so me)

i tried to make this as adhd friendly as possible as someone w/ adhd, but it might still be hard to read just cus there so much text 💔

[rat-rambles]

Ok we have to talk about the parallels of bill and gideon because I've seen no one do it and there's a lot. Like, gideon is to bill what stan is to Mable and Ford is to dipper. This parallel includes bill and ford's relationship compared to gideon and Mabel's because there are parallels. I will mention how this pertains to billford. This will be long. Book of bill spoilars obvously.

A couple ground rules I have screen shots but only from the parts uploaded to YouTube because I'm sick and not dealing with Disney pluss for this. 2 we're takeing the way this show uses parallels for granted and it's worth mentioning stan, Ford and bill are the bad ending for the pines and Mable dipper and gideon are the good end hence gideon getting redeemed and Ford haveing to suffer thinking stan was functionaly dead for like a few days or something. So yes they are diffrent and there diffreces are thematically important and intentionally nothing in this franchise is an accident and where working with that primis. Lastly, in the book of Bill, I'm assuming that pages from the journal are real and unaltered along with documents. The only thing I will take as true from bill in the book are things backed by other non bill sorces or the show witch I'll cite when we get there strap in.

Luts start easy

1)

Don't mind YouTube auto captions

I'll take over gravity falls and you'll rule with me

2

The outher pine punchs leading to a blue explosion and the thought that oh they might die they didn't.

3)

I couldn't find the one of bill holding them but you know the one

Ok time to get a little harder now

4)

Oh I've hit the photo limit becuse I'm on my phone and like I said I'm sick so I'm not moving but we all remember when gideon and Mable were like "opera glasses" in sync

At the beginning of their friendship, they both show their bonding into deeper feelings for each other by saying the same thing at the same time.

5)

Giddeon also blames dipper for Mable breaking up with him and bill blames stan for getting between him and Ford, also his plans in the book of Bill.

Ok I think that's enough evidence now let me tell you why this is important, starting with their timeliness.

1) villain becomes friends with pines.

2) villain offers pines everything they want (Mable clothes and glitter Ford knowledge of the univers)

3) villain trys to manipulate

4) the split

Mable eventually learns to reject gideon when he gets between her and dipper (by trying to kill him)

Ford at first is completely gungho about bills plan (yes at this point he still wants what bill is offering and gideon dint but he also dint have his sibling to talk him down and that's the point that Ford was vunerable without Stanly to protect him like dipper protected Mable by interfering). When Ford sees bills true nature he dose cut it off like Mable ( as far as wether or not ford is actually into bill romantically using this lens you can go both ways but it kind of dosnt matter. Either he didn't like bill and didn't see that he was uping the romance the way Mable dint see what gideon was doing at first. Or he did see and either willfully played along or was genuinely into the triangle becuase agin old pines are the bad ending that made bad choices. The old men's mistakes are to be learned from kids.)

5) villain react violently

When gidion trys to take Mable by force a thing gideon says bill explained to him (Bill told him to do the love cage same as in the book same as the pyramid in the show) dipper saves her becuse twins that stay together stay alive.

Ford gets solidly mind tortured for what I assume is a couple weeks in the book of bill. ( based on one of the postit note back and forward was every night that's about 6 days and there's about 6 days of mind shanigans recorded after I might have miss counted though) Ford FINALLY calls stan who saves him... by acidently pushing him through a portal, well it works.

6) villain is PISSED and ups the anti by trying to take over gravity falls (wow that's crazy it happend twice ).

7) they resync here villain says their favorite Pines is the love of their life we'll rule together over gravity falls (wether they like it or not)

8) the twin comes to save the villains favorite pines and they punch the shit out of the villain.

9 the pines learn a lesson of twins who stick together stay alive

Now for my point

So besides I think this is some killer writing. I am going to be anoying now becuse yes Bill haveing a fat crush on Ford is cannon and yeah I think that's a big deal because Alex made my queer coded villain king actually queer and that's just deeply cool. Alex set up a standard for what toxic men pursuing a unrequited relationship is and then had Bill do that that's not a acident and the doubling down in the book of bill adding more parallels than we already had from the show witch was alot makes this cristal clear. Now agin how Ford felt we can go back and forward about, but bill no that bitch gay sorry; our god Alex decreed it and there's nothing you can do about it. Thanks for reading K thanks Bye

Special thanks to my crazy girlfriend for editing this 😅 yes it was worse

[thefallenangel2008]

I came up with new stuff about my take on the Relativity Falls AU! Ok, so, I talked about it here (and here are some design choices in case y'all are interested). Although these are with Bill like he is in cannon because I hadn't come up with that idea yet but these were mostly concept plans for this AU, SO IT'S OK.

ANYWAY, so, at first I thought about leaving Bill kinda the same, but at school I was blessed with enlightenment by the gods of hyperfixation and I realized. I COULD SWAP HIM WITH CANDY. AND HERE'S WHY.

Okay, so, I think you remember that in the show there was an episode in season 2 where Stan took the twins plus Candy and Grenda on a road trip and Candy had a crush on Dipper which was one-sided on her part. And it reminded me of how in Billford the feelings are one-sided on Bill's side after the betrayal (whether those feelings are romantic or pet-owner thing is unclear, but yeah). So I thought to myself "What if Candy saw Dipper, was fascinated by him and his nerdiness and also figured he could help her with her plans for Weirdmageddon (of whichever the motives I'm still trying to think)?" And then Candy would actually fall in love with Dipper while Dipper stayed the same. He would of course be fascinated by her but he wouldn't have developed any romantic feelings towards her. Just admiration.

I feel like she would also like pain like Bill but because humans feel pain differently than her kind does, it would be mostly because of interest and for experiments. She would be mad at Dipper after the portal incident and him giving up but would try not to show it (much), so when Dipper would fall asleep she would possess his body and work on repairing the portal (and maybe slap his face and stab a few objects on his arms for leaving her after he found out her plans) until Dipper got that metal plate inserted.

Also Candy would be a circle. I came up with that thing mostly so that Mabel can joke about knowing that her brother liked curves, lol. Btw Dipcifica is happening because I swapped Pacifica and Fiddleford together (and in this after the Northwest family kicked Pacifica out they left Gravity Falls out of shame that one of them lost her mind, and the mansion was empty until the Mcgucket family, a rich, country family moved in. I might change that bit, idk).

Also, since I swapped Candy and Bill, I thought about Bill and Stan being friends, but their canon rivalry is just too funny to pass up so maybe whoever swaps with Grenda (maybe Pyronica? I low-key like that. If I keep that idea her name will change to Veronica or Pyronica is gonna be a nickname cause she would like arson) will be trying to make them boys get along, and the only reason Bill wouldn't leave would be because that person is his only friend. One reason why Stan would hate Bill (other than him being a spoiled little brat) is because he likes his brother and Stan KNOWS he's gonna be a bad boyfriend for Ford. Also Bill and Fidds would have some beef (Robbie and Dipper kinda vibes) because they would be both crushing on Ford while Ford would remain completely oblivious and be head over heels for Manly Dan (who is swapped with Wendy).

But Ford would be fascinated by Bill because he would know how to do magic tricks. Bill in this is VERY Helga Pataki codded because his parents would be mostly focused on his successful, normal, with-no-eye-deformities older brother Steve (yes, I came up with it rn while writing it, and yes, I'm putting Pyramid Steve there CAUSE I CAN) and because he would hide his true feelings for Ford (everyone knows but Ford). Bill wouldn't outright bully Ford, but sometimes Ford would wonder if Bill likes him or pretends to because he's "friends" with Stan due to the jokes he makes.

Bill would come from a kinda wealthy family and his parents would give him everything he wanted (except their attention) which is why Stan calls him spoiled. Bill here also has a false schizophrenia diagnosis because when he was little he would say he saw some weird stuff (they're real cause, yk, it's Gravity Falls) and he takes a bunch of medicine, both for schizophrenia and anophthalmia (which is a rare condition where you're born with only one eye. Bill hides his missing eye behind his hair). The medicines make him feel drowsy, and like he's not really there, but he's good at masking it behind a wide smile and a cocky personality.

At some point Bill will come to the conclusion that he doesn't deserve Ford because he can be so kind, and sweet, and understanding (everything that he's not) so he would (begrudgingly) let Fidds have Ford and step out of the unofficial "contest".

One last thing, I'm swapping Soos with Durland and Melody with Blubs.

[bbuzz28]

Thoughts on Fiddauthor?

I have many thoughts about those two nerds, actually.

(read more under the cut -- I won't be tagging it as the ship as I don't believe in putting ship 'discourse' in ship tags, even with the best of intentions. Remember: if you don't agree that is totally okay but complain to your momma and not to me about it, baby-this is my blog.)

I categorize my thoughts as mostly positive! I think some of the best GF art in the fandom usually coincides with this ship-and I get it! I am sold that canonically these two are something, and I love that for them and their superfans alike.

Fiddleford and Ford are both nerdy science wackadoodles (affectionate), who match each other's freak on a level known by very few. I imagine being in the same room as them to be both invigorating and exhausting (in the very best way). They are each other's person to be excited about something with, but also the only other person to be able to understand them. Yes, Ford has his brother who knows him better than most from literally sharing a womb-but it's different. Their bond is just different. I cannot begin to explain how that is so rare- "to be known is to be loved" and all that jazz. I just know they go from talking about music preferences to differential equations to if jellybeans should actually count as part of the food pyramid (it shouldn't; but try telling the man who consumes primarily fiber supplements, coffee and pure sugar that. At least Fiddleford had him eating protein with his beans.).

I like to think post-canon in the show timeline, they are able to heal together and rebuild their relationship; be that platonic or romantic. ((I arguably lean more heavily towards platonic as I headcanon Ford to be somewhere in the ace-spectrum, but I can see other avenues easily and don't disagree with it at all.))

I want soft things for them both more than anything.

They have had a hellish thirty+ years and have for the most part been alone for most of it. They should get to be with the people they love and with each other until the Axolotl takes them both.

However, the rub is that I...I get really sad if I think about them too much.

Especially in the pre-canon/building the portal timeframe. Here's the thing; if Fiddleford was secretly in love with Ford and left his WIFE and SMALL CHILD (yeah, we can all make Emma-May a badass who doesn't need a man in our preferred ship rewrites, but that's STILL what happened and that was SHITTY FIDDLEFORD-NO MATTER HOW YOU SLICE IT) as soon as Ford called as if he has been waiting since they graduated college together, only for Ford to choose his vision (or geometry- it's not my bag but whatever your hc, idc) over him, someone who Ford once described as the only person he could trust...that is gut-wrenching on so many levels.

This is not to make Ford the bad guy by any means, he's not. I truly think his sole focus during this time period (while genuinely being happy to have his companion, a person he obviously cared deeply about, with him again) was never going to be anything but making his "Grand Unified Theory of Weirdness" a reality. He makes that clear from their first adventure together:

"I discussed my dreams of proving my theory. I could finally leave Gravity Falls, return home to the East Coast, & publish my findings to the world. I'd be the toast of the scientific community, rubbing elbows with presidents and prizewinners, debating politics with Reagan, and discussing turtleneck fashion tips with Carl Sagan. Imagine the look on the dean of West Coast Tech's face when he saw that the student he refused was now the next Einstein! Imagine how proud my family and hometown would be: the "Freak" would return a hero! F seemed puzzled by the scope of my plans." -Journal 3, "Day One" evening camp fireside conversation

This single-mindedness of being the "hero", or "winning" is a contributor as to why he couldn't see through Bill's manipulations (along with more nuanced reasons that better people than me have discussed), why he ignored and eventually rejected Fiddleford's warnings, and ultimately why he lost his footing in this reality aside from ya know, Stan pushing him into the portal, but this isn't about him.

I personally have a *thing* about being 'chosen' when considering romantic ships in my brain-in that they should be choosing each other. That's it. Yeah, you can argue or disagree but at the end of the day choosing each other is the goal-and....neither of them did when it mattered. Fiddleford in his selfishness grief turned to forgetting everything entirely, and Ford chose fighting an eldritch being of unknown power alone-because he thought that was the only way. They lost the bond that brought them together. They stopped understanding each other.

Ironically, I am able to easily set aside canon for my favorite ship entirely...but not for these two. Idk why-definitely an emotional response skill issue on my part, and I own that!

So, those are my thoughts ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Yes, I will share pretty fan art (truly-there are some amazing artists out there that specialize in depicting them) but I shy away from reading fics or unpacking them too much to keep myself feeling as good as I do about them.

TLDR: Essentially, I love them- but they hurt my heart so completely if I think about them too long.

(Also, there are several...hateful shippers that go around and hate on other ships involving these two and it's just...exhausting. I block and move on for the most part, but truly that is an overall detractor because it's hard to appreciate someone's art/pov about the ship when they're being so awful otherwise.)

[bright-hope-spot-19]

I'll preface this by stating and making this clear: I don't watch Boruto, nor do I care about it. The only time I've ever bothered watching one arc of that show was the Shukaku arc where Boruto is in Suna, and they're on a mission to protect the tailed beast from one of those crazy moon alien guys who're a very recurrent part of Boruto's plot (Urashiki, was it?), from what I've heard. I only watched that one arc cause Kankuro appeared in it.

Since that's the only next gen arc I've ever watched, I decided to talk about the little bits I remember. Yeah, that one came a long time ago, so I don't remember much, and I'm also not willing to go watch it again. I still wanted to mention some little details that I still remember.

First things first, Holy heck, I adore the role Kankuro got to play in this arc. He's the one who appears to lead both Boruto and Shinki on this Shukaku protection mission after Gaara fell in battle, and he did splendidly, from what I remember. We've probably already seen it in gif form, but the scene where he sits with Shinki near the fire at night and gives him some advice and words of reassurance? Absolutely superb. Please, I wish we had more anime arcs of Kankuro and Shinki having uncle/nephew interactions. I'd watch them all. I also really liked his fight vs. Urashiki's puppets. He did pretty well. In fact, from what I remember, he did actually manage to trap all the puppets within minutes of starting the fight. One of them just managed to extend its arm out of Black Ants' slot openings and grab him by the neck. Which is when Kankuro, like the badass he is, decided to fucking explode them all, because he knew he couldn't kill them by normal means, cause duh. They're puppets, puppets can't be killed. He saved himself by jumping inside Salamander last minute:

One of the puppets managed to escape cause the others covered for it or smth. I don't care if people hate on him for this or still think he's weak. He did his role splendidly. He led the two kids for most of the journey, gave them guidance, and once the puppets caught up to them, he was willing to lay down his life to ensure their safety. He also managed to destroy 4/5 targets. Most importantly: he saved his own behind without help. Which is better than Gaara or Temari can say for themselves.

Gaara was there when the Urashiki weirdo first appeared to capture Shukaku. He was there with Sasuke, too. Correct me if I'm wrong, while Sasuke was there, Gaara didn't actually do much? It wasn't until Sasuke was pulled into a dimensional portal or something by Urashiki? That Gaara finally started fighting. He got help from Shukaku, too! In fact, I'd say that mostly, it was Sasuke (before he was removed from the fight) and Shukaku doing 90% of the fighting

Gaara, only does one move to seal Urashiki using his sand mausoleum under a sand pyramid. Which was useless cause we know being buried under there wasn't enough to stop him from still manipulating his weirdo puppets. After that, for some gdamn reason, Gaara faints and needs to be carried by Shinki's teammates! Araya and Yodo back to the village. I wish I was kidding

That's when Temari and Shikadai walk in. Now, you'll wonder (if you haven't watched this, that is) how these two did. Well, Princess Temari here was set to go against the 1 puppet that survived Kankuro's massive explosion. It was just one. She had Shikadai and Boruto with her (cause while Boruto had decided to go back and check on Kankuro upon hearing the big boom he did, Shinki decided to proceed forward alone with Shukaku in the tea kettle). Temari was the only adult present. Yeah, I also don't understand how, but she lost to the leader puppet and needed the two kids to stand up for her. Now yeah, she got injured protecting her own son, but still. Why th did she go down that easy? It makes no sense whatsoever

So, yeah. In short, for the 1st time ever, we see Dai carry his mother's fan, and him and Boruto destroy the puppet together while Temari just watched.

It just baffles me to this day that the arc was done that way. Kankuro is the least popular one. If they wanted to choose one adult character to humiliate and put down as a step-up stool to give the kids a chance to shine and show their power, anyone else would've chosen to sacrifice Kankuro's character for that purpose. Cause you know how almost no one would care if he was done dirty for the kids' sake. Nope. Instead, he's the only one of the 3 sibs who didn't need a bunch of pre-teens to come save his ass. Gaara and Temari both needed a couple of kids to either carry them back to the village or stand up for them. As I've said previously, Gaara only moved after Sasuke was gone. He only performed one technique and instantly needed rescue. Temari put herself in the line of danger, protecting her child, but she still went down ridiculously easy. If you look at the image, the puppet is barely making contact with her.

Kankuro was the only one allowed to keep his pride by not only going down like a badass but also by saving himself. No kids in sight. Yet, Temari and Gaara are endlessly praised while he's insulted to Heck and back. I don't know, man. I just wish Temari's and Gaara's flaws were more acknowledged whenever they mess up, and Kankuro was given more appreciation for his feats. Objectively speaking, he was the one who was the least done dirty of the 3. Like, the damage done to his character in this arc was substantially less than the damage done to the other two. I think he deserves more acknowledgment for it. That's all I'm saying.

[localcanadiancreature62]

I had an idea for pyramid Steve where rather than an actual character, he’s more like an amalgam of fiddleford’s memories of bill through the portal he couldn’t quite shake.

Oh my god. I'm listening 👀. Tell me more. Also i think for this idea, he's basically a physical manifestation of Fidds' memory of Bill. Like he looks like Bill but a distorted version that Fidds remembers. Send me more on this concept in dms pls.

[videntefernandez]

We need more info on Minerva. She's an icon, such a queen.

(Also drop some info on precious Abeline? 😔👉👈)

Oh my god I have so much lore on the dead mom that nobody ever asked so thank you.

Her story is very tied with Karsten's so I'll have to start with him. He's austrian but he traveled a lot during his life, like I said he went to high school in germany, and eventually ended up in the US, probably chasing the perfect hell portal to settle. He became a high ranking army medic and while he was deployed he and Minerva met by chance in Iran. She was the loaf heiress of a wealthy greek family and her only real interest was falconry. She was there for a competition, and in this universe, women can do anything.

They kinda had this game going on, chasing each other around the world and eventually married. She was his first wife. They were super happy like that for about 5 years, she was living her best loaf wife life, taking care of the children (her falcons) but Karsten was pressed for time, and in the illuminati you gotta start reproducing immediately and have at least 3 (human) kids so they can take their places in the pyramid, so he pressured her to get pergnut, and she had a terrible time.

She immediately handed Diedrik to the nannies and tried not to deal with him again. Between the post partum depression, the constant parties and witnessing some of the terrible things that took place at their home, her alcoholism got worse and worse and her husband pretty much encouraged her to just drink and forget. This kinda caused a rift in their relationship, he was in important member of the secret society and she was lonely at home with the staff and a child she didn't want so this gave her a lot of free time to snoop around the house, she found out what the society did to angels (Joyce and Amelia weren't the first ones to be caught) and became obsessed with them, eventually even learning enochian.

She also found out what Karsten's plans were for Diedrik. Before he could offer him as a sacrifice, she made a deal with the angels to save his soul, knowing this would ruin Karsten's whole plot and teach him a lesson. Unfortunately, she had to offer her soul in exchange. She died in a private jet on the way to a falconry competition. Most people think Karsten had something to do with it, because in the illuminati you gotta make sacrifices, but he was ready to offer his first born, not his wife, so this was all very tragic.

Her deal effectively made Diedrik immortal, as long as there are angels around him. She was the wrench in the plan that set the whole thing in motion. She was a reluctant mother who did the most "selfless act". Diedrik still remembers her as the person who loved him the most, even though she frequently dropped him on his head as a baby.

[teh-nos]

Thor: The Dark World

Hello I have now seen THOR (COLON) THE DARK WORLD. This film was not as bad as I was expecting it to be, though it also wasn't great so maybe I had just set my bar too low based on how nobody seems to like it that much. I watched this with a visiting friend who had not seen Thor 1 or The Avengers so I did her a Dramatic Presentation beforehand where I explained what had happened in those, except I couldn't really remember what happened in The Avengers so that recap was mostly "then something exploded, I think." So anyway she was a useful non-MCU-person barometer for this one.

Christopher Eccleston is in this yet also he is not, in that we kept forgetting his character existed. He didn't seem to be enjoying himself much either. Which reminds me, this film seemed a bit desaturated in an off-putting way, it was like if you were watching Thor 1 while feeling depressed and the depression had manifested visually instead of just as a metaphor. Because it was a Dark World.

The ending was very confusing, people were jumping in and out of invisible portals (maybe?) and the magic hammer was flying around for a bit like when a plane circles the airport while waiting for a spot to open to use the runway. Stuff was lining up in space except not because we'd have noticed by now if the realms of the gods were that close and it would indeed have a gravitationl effect though not the weirdo ones in this film.

The pacing in this film was pretty poor generally though we felt it did perk up a bit towards the end.

Friend's favourite characters were Erik Selvig and Loki, in that order because Erik is a bit mad in this film (I belatedly explained the mind stone stuff from Avengers 1, having forgotten about that until Erik was in his pants) and goes to Stonehenge (which may be magic or alien or who the fuck knows) to run about naked (and not even at a solstice!!) and then he was in one of those Creepy American Movie Psychiatric Hospitals (or possibly it was a police station in London???) with medication in plastic pill bottles like they don't really do in this country and as mentioned he was in his pants for no real reason and that's all very relatable. So hooray for Erik!

More tumblr-esque-ly, friend was like "i can see why people liked this Loki, he's popped in from a better film of his own to bitch about this one" and indeed things do get more interesting when we finally let him out of jail where he is sat being a goth because Angsty because Frigga got fridged. (It feels like there should be a great Frigga/fridged pun but neither of us could think of anything, which was very saddening. Though we did realise that Anthony Hopkins = Welsh Odin = Woden, which is the best we could do for a pun and fuck it it'll do after struggling for at least an entire minute with the fridged-Frigga thing.)

Natalie Portman was in this film.

They were in London for some reason, cannot remember why. Elves, probably. Oh wait was it so they were in the right country to have the Stonehenge bit? Stonehenge is pre-Celtic which means it's also pre-Norse but it was somehow relevant to the elves stuff, as was Snowdon, which isn't that just a mountain? But it was somehow put there by people in The Olden Days or... okay I admit we were lost by that point, but there are stone circles all over Britain, they were very fashionable for a while but nobody really knows why but if you start drawing lines between old rock things here you're bound to come up with proof that a layline runs though the Prime Minister's bathroom or some nonsense like that. I suppose Stonehenge is our Giza Pyramids in that films make up complete shite about it all the time, and so inspired by that popular tumblr post I have just checked where the nearest Pizza Hut is to Stonehenge and it's at "Solstice Park" about 3 kilometres away just off the A303, hope this information is helpful to someone.

Erm. Yeah it turns out I can remember less about this movie than I thought, so this review is lacking and no doubt as disappointing as the fact that you can't see Stonehenge from Pizza Hut :(

[surrealinkk]

Love Among The Pyramids - #SurrealPhoenixWedding

Vane: /I locked tatted fingers together, palms sweating as the desert wind breezed by. I never would have imagined this trip would involve a ceremony.

Thoughts were running wild. All filled with my Goddess. This didn’t seem real. Her acceptance of this union. I stared down the makeshift aisle. The Pyramids of Giza the backdrop.

Sir Snape, a French bulldog, another gift of Kitten’s was seated at my heels with his blue bow tie in place. Rings anchored around his collar.

Nerves were cooling my stomach as Mikel started down the aisle to join me near the officiant’s podium. His pat on the shoulder is reassuring and just what I needed.

The planner I contracted had worked a miracle. Gaining us access to a venue near the pyramids. Place settings were set for our guests to arrive. As soon as @ChasingAPhoenix accepted the proposal we sent out a group text to our inner circle to join us in Egypt.

My heart was hammering the whole time. I’d spent my whole life thinking I’d be wandering this earth in a solitary existence. Kitten was ever present, each of our encounters setting a foundation for our future. This was going to take a miracle to pull off but I knew we would make the best of every moment./

Lincoln: /Nora and I had been at the airport about to catch a flight back to Louisiana from China when we received the message from Vane about his proposal to Kitten and their elopement in Egypt. And of course, @LecherousVice was beyond excited when the flight attendant at the check in desk said we could travel back to New Orleans via Cairo with a 3 day layover. It was even more heartwarming when Kitten asked if we’d make it in time for me to be able to walk her down the aisle, so apologetic for the last minute ask, but I promised we would make it.

After all. We’d first met the girl at OUR wedding 4 years ago, so it only seemed right that we be here now on her very special day to one of my oldest friends, that I’d known for as long as I could remember.

Once we touched down, we had barely an hour before the ceremony was due to start, and I clasped my wife’s face, smiling and gifting her kisses before leaving her to find the rest of the guests while I went to see if our bride-to-be needed anything. Finally finding the girl and taking her hand/

Hello, sweets.

Nora thought you might want something borrowed….

/Sliding a hair piece into her hands from my wife/

All set?

Nora: [Today was such a day for love, and any other time I was fervently against eloping. But Vane and Kitten had been in love for so long now that this wouldn’t feel like an elopement at all, but rather confirmation of what we we all knew, how very much they were meant for eachother, and how long we’d been waiting for this special day.

The change in plans had been a welcome one, and when Lincoln and I finally arrived at the Giza plateau I was already giddy with excitement. Lincoln’s kisses were met with equal fervor, and I smacked him on the bottom before he headed off to find the bride, knowing he’d be more handsome than ever walking down the aisle to give Kitten away.

I set my own sights on Collins, claiming big hugs that had been long awaited for one of my closest friends. Greeting others as well, I made sure to say hi to the new parents before finding myself a seat to wait for the ceremony to start. However the day went, I was proud and honored to get to share in this moment with friends I adored]

Syren: After convincing @ACrypticWraith to bring the little monsters with us to Egypt, we quickly got everyone dressed and ready to go. I watched him place the babies in car seats as I stuffed whatever we needed in a big tote bag. I readied for us to jump through a portal but ran back to my safe and took out a present for my brother's soon to be wife.

His wife. I couldnt believe I was saying that. I thought we both would have been swimming the seas for a long time but seeing him with her.....it made my less cold heart swell. I ran back and threw open a portal then stepped us out to beautiful sights of pyramids. Geez. I must be old. I remembered when they were being built.

I swiftly walked with my little lady to a seat and nudged Ayden to sit down.

"Watch them like your life depends on it. Because it does."

After backing away, I moved to see my brother giving him kisses on both cheeks.

"I'm so happy for you. I love you, my little sea urchin."

After pushing a few people out of the way, I found Kitten so beautiful in her gown.

"My love. Thank you for making my brother the happiest I have ever seen him. You are absolutely amazing. Here is a token of my love to you."

I pulled out one of my jewels and placed it in her hands.

Daisy: *our first trip as a little family was going to be to Egypt, and the occasion could not be better. My mind was kept busy in the whirlwind of packing and traveling, and caring for our babies in the process. I’d gotten dressed on the jet and the moment we arrived at the venue, I could feel my emotions kick up.

Mykel said a quick hello to everyone before joining Vane. I watched him go before I adjusted myself. I’d made sure to wear one baby and carry the other so I could give eager hugs to everyone before I sat down, excited grins being exchanged as we all greeted one another. Collins was about two seconds away from plucking Wynter from my arms before she noticed that Kitten was due for a tear check. I had to look away before I joined her in that for absolutely now reason.

I finally had to sit down, smiling and making googly eyes at Mykel where he stood at the front next to Vane while I adjusted myself and the twins in my seat*

June: [The call had come in on my way to the bar for the influx of the weekend crowd. But the moment I heard the news screamed to me over the phone, nearly breaking my iPhone speakers, I knew I wouldn’t be working tonight.

It took all of an hour before I had called one of my employees to cover me, rushed home, packed haphazardly and made it to Louis Armstrong International.

Initially the gate agent had told me the next flight for Cairo was booked solid, but after I had begged and begged and promised free drinks and made inappropriate propositions, she finally gave in and put me at the top of the standby list.

By sheer luck I had made the flight and by the time I arrived at the venue I was overflowing with anticipation to see my two good friends finally tie the knot. It took everything in me not to tackle Kitten to the ground to let out some of the pent up excitement but I manage to limit my aggressive affection to a tight crushing hug.

Pulling away for just a moment, I press my forehead to hers and murmur a soft.]

You look gorgeous.. the most beautiful bride. If any of these dead pharaohs had breath left you’d have stolen it.

[squeezing her hands I arm myself with tissues and fresh mascara, ready to wipe and dab and reapply every 3 minutes if need be]

Mykel: When I got the text from Vane in all caps saying get to Cairo bro I’m about to get married. I all but scrambled like my head was cut off, telling Daisy to pack a bag for her and the kids. I was sure she got the same text as well and was handling it way better than I was.

Not like I was freaking out or anything, I just took best man duties a bit seriously. After calling ahead for the jet to take us to the destination, it was smooth sailing until we got there. The sun was out casting the perfect light over everything. Daisy was excited even through it all. The twins were of course knocked out sleep.

That was until we got to our destination where everyone was meeting up, all the noise from our friends gathering around to celebrate the ceremony of love between these two wonderful people. I gave a kiss to Daisy, then the twins as she went to find her seat.

I made my way to the front, clasping Vane’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, nothing to be nervous about. . I mean unless you know the mummy king woke up. Even then I won’t let him ruin this day for the both of you.” I tried to ease his tension with a light joke. As we stood there, I winked at Daisy. We were just waiting for the beautiful bride to make her way down the aisle.

Kitten: Today had been a whirlwind of emotions. I had gone from crying, laughing, crying some more, and laughing again. I was still in a state of shock when Vane suggested that we get married today as well. I couldn’t believe it. Engaged and married all on the same day.

“But what about our family? Our friends?”

“I got it all covered, my goddess.”

He had quickly turned me around to show me Colly standing behind me with a plastic bag over her arm. Surprise flickered over my face before he dropped a kiss to the top of my head and handed me over to her. How he had planned all of this I don’t know.

“Wait! I need to talk to Lincoln!” Colly just laughed and said they were on their way and that Nora wasn’t even mad that Vane and I were eloping. That was definitely news to me because Nora hated when people talked about eloping. Sending a quick text to Lincoln asking if he would walk me down the aisle as I had no parents and gods know where my brother is. I apologized profusely for the late asking. He readily accepted and I felt instantly calmer.

Soon June found us and I could see her fighting the urge to tackle hug me. Her words making me cry to which her and Colly quickly wiped away the tears and fixed my make up. A few moments later, Lincoln appeared and made me cry again when he handed me the hair piece from Nora as my something borrowed. I was one blubbering mess by the time Syren walked in and thanked me for loving her brother. As she stepped behind me to place the something blue around my neck that she was letting me use, I cried even more.

Colly and June were getting their work cut of them just to keep me looking presentable. Finally someone came over and said it was time. Colly and June left Lincoln and I after saying they would us soon. June was to stand beside me as my maid of honor. My sister of my heart in this life.

Lincoln gave me a reassuring smile as I looped my arm through his.

“Okay. I’m ready. I think.”

His answering chuckle was enough to soothe my nerves as we stepped out of the tent that had been put up quickly for me to change and get ready in.

Lincoln: /Collins and June flitted around our girl, making sure hair, dress and make up were perfect and given the short time frame we had, they didn’t fail to make Kitten one of the most beautiful brides I’d ever seen. Gazing like a proud stand-in father/brother should, smiling and taking her hands to give them a quick squeeze. The others leaving until it was just the two of us standing and waiting for our cue as a soft sound comes over the speakers, music beginning to play. I offer my arm and wait for Kitten to state she is ready, chuckling as we step out of the tent.

My gaze taking in the beautiful scene before us, they’d done well in such short notice. My eyes track the path we were about to walk, one step in front of the other, making sure Kitten didn’t stumble or fall. But her eyes were forward and focused on the man about to become her husband and I smile as I meet my wife’s beautiful face too. Giving her a wink as we stroll past towards the front. Not stopping until she was standing next to her love. Giving Vane a brief pat on the back before taking my place to one side./

Kitten: A small, soft gasp left my lips as I took in the scene before me. The pyramids as the backdrop were stunning in the sunlight as Lincoln and I made our way towards the aisle I would walk down. Nerves were eating me alive until I looked up and saw Vane. It was like everything and everyone disappeared, but him. There he stood in a tux, the golden hue of the sun behind him creating an angelic glow around him.

My heart felt like it was beating in time with my steps as Lincoln led me towards the one man who captivated me. In the years that Vane and I had known each other never had I imagined that we would be here. Not just Egypt, but getting married. Everything we had been through led to this moment. Everything that tried to tear us apart only made us stronger. My love for this man knew no bounds. I knew he was mine years ago.

It didn’t even register to me that we made it to the front of everyone until Vane took my hand from Lincoln, who gave him a pat on the back before moving off to the side. Lifting a teary gaze to Vane, my heart leapt at the smile that was on his lips. Whispered words of I love you left my lips as the officiant stepped up and cleared his throat.

Officiant: Welcome, everyone. Please be seated.

Welcome, family, friends and loved ones. We gather here today to celebrate the wedding of Kitten and Vane. You have come here to share in this formal commitment they make to one another, to offer your love and support to this union, and to allow Kitten and Vane to start their married life together surrounded by the people dearest and most important to them.

So welcome to one and all, who have traveled far to be here. Kitten and Vane thank you for your presence here today, and now ask for your blessing, encouragement, and lifelong support, for their decision to be married. We also pause for a moment to feel the love coming to us from around the globe from friends and family who could not travel here on this day.

-Gaze scans the intimate gathering as I begin again- Will you, friends and family, encourage Kitten and Vane in their marriage?

Nora: [I was already seated by the time the officiant directed the guests to settle down and clear the aisle, and the area was overwhelmed with a hushed silence save for the music playing and a chorus of gasps as Kitten made her way down the aisle. Lincoln keeping her steady, I looked on with pride, my heart swollen at all the love I could see in Kitten’s eyes as she put one foot in front of the other. Kind of liking walking towards your destiny and trying not to trip along the way. Beaming, I winked back at Lincoln when he passed me, every wedding we’d ever been to surely sending his thoughts back to the day we tied the knot as well.

Attention back on the officiant as the bride and groom settled in front of one another. I was confused when he asked for our encouragement, and the rest of us might have been unsure too if we were to speak up or forever hold our peace. But I broke the silence with a laugh and cheer] Hell yes!

Mykel:Today was meant for their love, I couldn’t have pictured a better day than this one. Watching the blushing bride walk down the aisle with Lincoln, looking absolutely stunning. When I peeked at Vane I could see that he too was enamored by his fiancée.

When she found her place next to Vane, I couldn’t help the big smile on my face. Today my brother from another mother was getting married. I looked out to Daisy to make sure she was okay with handling both twins, chuckling lowly at Collin’s holding one Wynter.

Dragging my attention back to the man standing at the podium, asking his question. “Yes.” I said with a huge smile plastered on my face.

Vane: /This moment would forever be ingrained in my memory. Our family gathered to welcome our joined lives. Mykel was keeping me from teetering over. I had to be careful of Sir Snape as the officiant joined us.

My sister stops by with her elated greeting and wishes. Seeing her along with Ayden and her triplets, man did it bring warmth flooding through. She moves off after giving me squeezes to find Kitten. I catch sight of Collins and June heading toward the bridal tent. Nora, Dominique, William, and Daisy with her two new little ones were attendees to our small ceremony. Everyone making it out on such short notice meant the world to us.

The music cues the start and everyone stands while Kitten steps free from the tent. Lincoln had his arm hooked with hers and my blues darkened catching sight of her ethereal form. Breath stolen from my lungs. Her steps were steady thanks to Lincoln’s arm.

My wild beauty. My future was wedding marching toward me. My hand in my pocket, thumbing over the control button, dark grin rising free. My mind replays all the holidays. How we danced around each other through the years. She got all of me. The best of me. She embraced every part of me.

I passed the leash off to Mykel as we repositioned on the platform. My palms warm hers as they join. Heart pounding. I gulped down the boulder in my throat, leaning in to whisper low/

“I might have to worship you, My Goddess.”

/I was shaking, only she could tell. The officiant begins and I kept focus locked on Kitten while the ceremony began/

Officiant: -The response from their family brought a smile over my features. I gave the couple a moment before I resumed the ceremony.-

Do you celebrate with them the decision they have made to choose each other, and will you continue to stand beside them with each passing year?

If you do, please reply, we will.

Mykel: We will.

Syren: Sniffles under my hankerchief

"Of course we will!!!"

Dominique: We will

Daisy: We will!

Officiant: Thank you. Marriage is perhaps the greatest and most challenging adventure of human relationships. No ceremony can create your marriage; only you can do that – through love and patience; through dedication and perseverance; through talking and listening, helping and supporting and believing in each other; through tenderness and laughter; through learning to forgive, learning to appreciate your differences, and by learning to make the important things matter, and to let go of the rest. What this ceremony can do is to witness and affirm the choice you make to stand together as lifemates and partners.

Officiant: Will you, Vane, take this woman to be your wedded wife?

Vane: /Gives a manly sniff, before I clear my throat/ With everything I am.

Officiant: -Short nod, thinking good man, turning to the bride- Will you, Kitten, take this man to be your wedded husband?

Kitten: A bright smile crossed my lips as I kept my eyes on Vane and tried really hard to not cry again. “Forever and always yes.”

Officiant: -I smile at the pair. Continuing on as I address the crowd-

Two people in love do not live in isolation. Their love is a source of strength with which they may nourish not only each other but also the world around them. And in turn, we, their community of friends and family, have a responsibility to this couple. By our steadfast care, respect, and love, we can support their marriage and the new family they are creating today.

Will everyone please rise.

-I pause while they rise up to their feet-

Will you who are present here today, surround Kitten and Vane in love, offering them the joys of your friendship, and supporting them in their marriage? If so, answer We Will.

Mykel: We will!

Dominique: We will

Syren: *Hops up with two babies* We will.

Daisy: *dabs my eyes with a baby blanket* We will!

Nora: [on my feet happily] We will!

Officiant: -I nod toward Mykel to motion for the rings tethered to the ring bearer pup. They are handed off and I turn toward the male I’d been informed was Lincoln and motion to his lovely wife-

You may be seated. Lincoln and Nora, with your bond to the couple and being a married pair, as we near the end of the ceremony, I ask you now to please pass the rings to one another, hold them for a moment, warm them with your love, and make a silent wish for this couple, and their future together.

Collins: [late but bounces up] I will

Nora: [blushing when Lincoln and I are called forward, and I stand gingerly, traipsing a bit closer so that I’m side by side with Lincoln. When the rings are passed to us he holds them in his palm for a moment, staring at me with all the love and adoration in the world. I hold them in my palm afterwards, my own gaze shifting to the bride and groom with all the hope that their love can survive every single trial in might face in the future. And then we hold the rings together, letting them sit between our joined palms before we pass them back]

Officiant: Thank you. -The rings are passed back and I start once more. Sensing the deep affection for one another. A prime example of devotion. Focusing on Vane and Kitten-

I’ve heard that wedding ceremonies can be a bit of a blur to the bride and groom. I’d like to ask you, Kitten and Vane, to please take a moment to look at your friends and family who are with you today. With the preparation that went into planning this beautiful day, please take some time to pause, take a deep breath, and make a memory that is not created from a photograph you see later.

Kitten: It was hard, but I took my gaze off Vane for a second to look towards the small crowd that was our family and friends. These were the people we were closest to. Our biggest supporters. They had been there each time for us in one way or another. Eyes glancing over Lincoln and Nora with a soft smile after they blessed our rings with their love and bond. Moving towards Mykel and Daisy with their children, new friends in our life who have been like family. Next my eyes shift to Syren, Ayden and their babies, their love shining brightly as they looked at each other and then their children. Shifting away my eyes moved towards Nique and her William. Their love showing me that no matter how long things took love always won. Finally my eyes settled on my sister June and my best friend Colly. My rocks. They always were there with their support and love. Giving everyone a watery smile as I felt all their love and more before I turned back to Vane, whispered words leaving my lips.

“I love you, my creeper.”

Vane: /I had to double blink back. Lids wet. Damn sis. I quieted my thoughts, following the officiant’s request. Taking a breath and trying to control my emotions as I looked over our loved ones. All of their faces painted in their own overwhelming emotions.

Lincoln and Nora’s blessing kicked my feels. They’d been there from the beginning.

This was what it was all for. The little things that added up. All the love for us shone up. I tried my best not to lose it/

Officiant: We've come to the point of your ceremony where you're going to say your vows to one another. But before you do that, I ask you to remember that love – which is rooted in faith, trust, and acceptance - will be the foundation of an abiding and deepening relationship. No other ties are more tender, no other vows more sacred than those you now assume. If you are able to keep the vows you take here today, not because of any religious or civic law, but out of a desire to love and be loved by another person fully, without limitation, then your life will have joy and the home you establish will be a place in which you both will find the direction of your growth, your freedom, and your responsibility.

Bride and Groom. Your vows.

Kitten: I, Kitten, take you, Vane, to be my husband, to be my constant friend and partner, and my love. I will work to create a bond of honesty, respect, and trust; one that withstands the tides of time and change, and grows along with us. I vow to honor and respect you for all that you are and will become, taking pride in who we are, both separately and together. I promise to challenge you, and to accept challenges from you. I will join with you and our family of friends and try to create and maintain a world we all want to live in. Our home will be a sanctuary and a respite for us and for those whom we cherish. When I first came back around, all I wanted was to be your friend. From that friendship grew a love that I would have never dreamed of. Never thought possible. No matter what road I went down it always led back to you. You are my home, Vane Everett. You always have been. It may have taken us a while to figure that out, but in the end we did. You are my rock, my foundation, my reason for breathing. I love you, Vane Everett. Forevermore.

Vane: I, Vane, take you, Kitten, to be my wife, to be my constant friend and partner, and my love. I will work to create a bond of honesty, respect, and trust; one that withstands the tides of time and change, and grows along with us. I vow to honor and respect you for all that you are and will become, taking pride in who we are, both separately and together. I promise to challenge you, and to accept challenges from you. I will join with you and our family of friends and try to create and maintain a world we all want to live in. Our home will be a sanctuary and a respite for us and for those whom we cherish.

I promise to love you till the day I die. To make it work. It won’t be easy but I promise never to leave. To never be above but beside you. To cherish you for all time. To hold in low times and celebrate together in the high times. Thank you for accepting me for exactly who I am. Our love will withstand anything that threatens to tear us asunder.

Kitten: Above all, I will give you my love freely and unconditionally.

Vane: /Breathes out slow/ Above all, I will give you my love freely and unconditionally.

Kitten: “I pledge this to you from the bottom of my heart, for all the days of our lives.”

Gives a him a teary smile as I look upon the man that is now my husband in front of our friends and family.

Vane: I pledge this to you from the bottom of my heart, for all the days of our lives.

Officiant: -Handing the rings to the bride and groom-

Please place these rings on each others’ fingers and repeat after me: I give you this ring, as a daily reminder of my love for you.

Kitten: Takes a deep breath to steady myself as I take the ring from the officiant, sliding the ring onto Vane’s finger as I looked up into his gorgeous blue eyes. Tears fell as my voice started to wobble.

“I give you this ring, as a daily reminder of my love for you.”

Vane: /I stare into her chocolate gaze, the woman that mesmerized me every day. She lit me up. All I could think was this was my wife. I couldn’t wait to run my fingers down her back. To have her head resting on my shoulder. I take her left hand in mine and slide the companion rose gold thorn band over her ring finger, leaning down to press a kiss to the joined rings before stating/

I give you this ring, as a daily reminder of my love for you.

Officiant: Wonderful. By the power of your love and commitment, and the power vested in me, I now pronounce you partners in life! You may kiss each other!

Vane: /I took my wife’s hand in mine, reeling in with a dipped back and slanted kiss. All consuming. Her kiss rocked me. The world sways and she was anchoring us in place. Tongue slides along the seam of her lush lips seeking entrance, a throaty groan rumbled free as her taste invades my senses. My darker half whips across my skin seeking her and her shadows. She waltzed away with this creeper’s heart. I straighten her up and spin around before we faced our family breathless in bliss/

Kitten: My heart stopped the moment the officiant declared us husband and wife. It started to beat again the moment I felt his soft lips touch mine. All coherent thoughts left my mind as I lost myself into the kiss. Small arms wrapped around his larger frame as my lips parted under his sweet assault. I felt the moment his other side came around, my shadows answering his beckoning call before Vane pulled back. I was left breathless by my husband. My husband. Just thinking those two words brought a huge smile to my lips as I looked out towards our family and friends.

Officiant: To the happy couple! You’ve found the hand you want to hold forever.

I present to you…Mr. and Mrs. Everett.

Nora: WOOT WOOT!!!!!

Dominique: *Claps*

Kitten: WE ARE MARRIED! Oh my gods. We are married.

Daisy: *stands and cheers as much as the babies will allow*

Syren: Thank the Gods!!! Great job you two!!! Simply beautiful, sister in law. And I saw your glassy eyes, brother. *winks* CONGRATULATIONS!!

Dominique: Congratulations 🎉🎊

Mykel: Congratulations!

Daisy: Congratulations, guys! I’m so happy for you both!

Syren: Runs towards the happy couple as they begin their way down. Both boys wrapped around my chest as I take Kitten's hands in mine.

"You did amazing, sister-in-law. I am happy to welcome you to the family. Officially. Take care of my little sea urchin. If he gets out of line, I can give him a little poke."

Gives you a small squeeze around the babies. Looks up with my blue eyes looking at my brother's.

"Thank you for allowing us to join in your day. I wouldn't be anywhere else. I am so proud of you. I love you to the deepest sea. Take care of this beauty."

I step back and blow siren kisses to them both as I pack up my four babies to head back to the island until my little monsters grow some more.

Nora: [The cheers carry through the desert as Kit and Vane are pronounced husband and wife, and I couldn’t be happier for them. Sharing in the joy, giving hugs where I could, congratulating the happy couple on their nuptial, so elated that I got to be a witness]

[anunendinggaze]

DWC - August - Day 6 - Corruption

The sand slipped through his fingers as always, a constant reminder to his life. It should have no meaning here, nothing should have meaning here in the Void. But it did. Time was never on Kinowin Du'mere's side.

A hard line of his lips stayed still as he stood up straight, his body silent despite his age. There were no cracking joints or groans of displeasure at his own deterioration. He just was.

It seemed he always would be.

How long had he been in this state of fugue? A few years? Months? Eons? It felt just like that. His final memories before the emptiness always of the black temple he had raised with in the name of the Old Ones with his brothers and sisters of the Hammer. Kinowin had hated that name. He knew their origins began back beyond the Dark Portal from the Orcs, but honestly with the influx of competent members from Azeroth it made no sense to stick with such a simple name. Despite this he could think of nothing more grandiose to rename it, only the fact of it's greenskin heritage made his mouth twist.

"Damnable beasts," he muttered. Or he supposed he muttered as he tried to remember the sound of his own voice. He hardly used it. There was no need to. There was no one to talk to.

He was alone.

Always alone.

Taking a deep breath in out of habit, his hand would come to softly rub at his chest where the final memory always started from and ended here. He was on the third level of the pyramid. The gates were opening above as the battle raged all around them. The Hammer was winning despite whatever the Bronze were trying to do to stop them. Pathetic heroes and martyrs trying to save a dying world. It was all tragically laughable. Strangely enough he does remember laughter. Though he wished it had been his own.

Candell.

That one-eyed bastard Zexx Candell. Destiny was a silly concept but it seemed it had wanted to rear it's ugly head for him this time as they squared off once again. He should have finished the job all those years ago when he had been with his sister. She had needed proper push to break it off with the human, as it had interfered with everything they had worked for. Everything he had worked for. All the sacrifices, money, time, and effort to mold their reality into their reality. And she just had to throw it all away for some oafish warrior's dick.

It had begun with a duel in Westall and now it was to end in another duel in Silithus.

It had not ended well for him.

He'd like to say the idea of losing to the warrior was worse than the sword that was shoved through him, but he would lying. Anyone would. A wound that grievous would make even a god think twice about his choices. He'd only wished he'd finished the flames that had burned Candell the first time. It would have saved him some time.

As his vision faded into a cloud black and the final bit of 'hero monologue' about 'I got you, son of a bitch' had wrung in his ears. Shortly thereafter, a brief settling of emerald light flooded his vision before finally fading into dark.

A few precious moments of silence and nothing. Paradise? Perhaps. Kinowin had never been completely certain of his 'prize' at the end of his work with the Hammer nor what was really to be expected of the ancient force that lived beyond the cosmos. Only that he wanted it. Needed it.

But had he gotten it?

Kinowin wasn't sure. Or this was it, he didn't know if he wanted it.

But naked and lost had been how he had awoken, his skin pale and flesh marred by fel or void or whatever. There was only one scar he cared about and it forever hurt.

Even now has he reached to touch it and gently rub, the pain filled him with something. Burning, prickling, and never healing as he felt the stickiness on his fingertips. He felt the stickiness.

His fingers pulled back and tapped together a few times.

This was new.

Something had changed.

His head lifted into the emptiness as he saw something newer as well. A flash of violet with a splash of blue. Again and again they would appear. And then close.

Head tilted, he continued to observe the phenomenon here in this vast empty ether. Was there some kind of escape from his prison? Or was this a new level of madness to claim him?

The scar burned. The blood felt tacky. The smile was real. And the eyes that lit with that same emerald light looked up as another flash occurred and winked out.

"Fascinating."

@daily-writing-challenge

(Apologies for the late posting, went away for a wedding in the middle of the challenge but I wanted to finish the spread)

[rgs-savant-praytell-airor]

New high pword.50s

Bring the oil stop the rain.2012 endure.riz.abaddon. 🗡

2 witnesses my sons aka oil/rain

Tupac/biggie, voice of God scrip true anger, the sunlight strength tumors in my mouth speak themselves, even even the phillipino sun strength of my thoughts. The strength of the scitz hospitals all.

Mike burns dream *0cure* ganggrene.cvax.tisheaven.gmg.tispete.gmg.ariel.ariel.ariel...2018

All the blue in heaven/

mikefuture Gmg war. Jesus beer weed gmg. Gmg God video game. Jfk freedom of the press. T.i.s boriqua Moreno blanco reperations. Picture also it all being a dream of a power also form of a beautiful sword by the miracle ontop of miracle b.m.b reparations from blue on high, youth 21 33 aka weed rgs riz 3rd leg all a dream creating a power in the form of a sword.

You know the story I can't die Same problem as john but in the womb, my 1st miracle my head scar, as if I was wounded unto death, o death where art thou sting, ariel ariel ariel, doubled the 3rd time.

Jesus cursing.2021

Tyhomas.youth.333.144gturkbib 1 bill333,1millamerica.noahark.cromagnons.flood.battery

Also bahais 7 guardians think Digimon and the main branch of Islam the eye* allah fbi letter then connect...

Imagine lightning devil scrip plural and the Noah Chem, with Jesus the sun*. No longer bracing for impact but the bootyshot lol.

In the name of jesus.invegabud

Wife.kids.💯 God all smokeobey/bow .3wiwoe.arkc.temple.prayer.worship.spread activation of miracle.

Scitz power law mom

oilrain.ariel.blue. all things are possible with God I am jesus even the locust will obey. Remember mike burns dream formula is weed, also rememb the crime fallen etc etc jesus cursing flood weed=Virginity to the holy jesus power.

Ariel tunatiszealgmg.rev191722 chrisy5cttrump,fbtwtutube

M.o.b war. Trump loves God not money, f u p me f $, I am fb God all tunas obey same. Heaven 25c increase booster 1.50 dollar, it is the moment the holyspirit takes over like an nde or talking in tongues.

Remember the name ariel tunatiszeal.gmg was written on my cell door master of my house riz bring the oil stop the rain abaddon.

America 💥 2012 in the name of jesus be healed mom gw vision.

Command the miracleeeee aLllejuiaaaa

Power words each circling into one another connected by a key of thought when meditating, also good shivs to use in preaching military, just enter the thought and rotate the clot.

And remember all my teachings, etc etc etcs it helps

..

..........

Bring da Oil/stop da rain

Ariel12 ariel21, all this pain is unto me like ariel20/20* tuna

All those who distress ariel

tis zeal

Shall be as a dream 50s power word. Gmg

And the feeble among them shall be as David and David shall be as God as the angel of the lord before them.

2012.

.. .......

With gmg think

1 cash hevcash

2fb cern barbelo

3work beer weed jesus

4videogamedream michael

Then all America's 💥

And strengthen reflect 50s

Trump Don 5cnt

Trump g boat op

Trump richie luck of the irish

Trump dre *thou shalt not kill: law of the cloud, faithful and true hell portal

Jfk Trump 5ct every chrisy gets one based on how they served.

Ariel tunatiszeal.gmg

In righteousness he makes war. That's the name of the desired will for the moment. An open door no man can shut. The cloud.

Oil rain basement

Mike burns dream eating sleeping

Jesus cursing 69

In the name of jesus stepping out the house etc etc

Ariel tuna by the door.

It's so dangerous I rarely come out of my house, de la ghetto. America 💥. Like a mime meheheh.

..... . .....

Here's a tip parfuma

9/11 blue

2012 martial law

Jfk Cia

George washington fbi

Christain rosincrutzs presidents

Black plague 1776

John 13 colonies

Jesus great Britain

Nativity Paul Ireland scitz

King Solomon locking away the knowledge keep the baddies out.

King David our DNA lineage throne.

Egypt joseph phanuel tascia sarah pyramids sentinels.

1g usa space armada

4g God and man mate kicking out the wandering stars

6g cataclysmic jesus take over the solar system and imprison fallen angels for good.

7g o.g. solar system america rebirth

10g 2 witnesses take over 50g solar systems

10-50g 400g solar system take over.

You memo that when enchanting america.

Also before america is 50s power words know to defend your house well.

Example

Gmg bibles cash bug out

Gmg 10 man click ready to go in the crib

Gmg Brooklyn finest type door lock mechanism

Gmg ready for anything by the door cloud.

The rest of the 50s is obvious

Like basement self house destruction and get away bring the oil stop the rain, also know wine the 2 witnesses live riz always birth to passing.

Mike burns dream ready the citizenry rapture mansion

Jesus cursing strapped AK and trap door.

In Jesus name all the women and children praying.

Ariel by the door, airor open robert close.

Perfect immune system defence for meditating your body in a labyrinth of light. Perfect against the scitz. Remember your house is your riz body the metaphor of life. As the scripture states the immortal man while in the flesh always yearns for the heaven life yet stays quiet in himself. Yes we believe in the constitution and at the same time wishing to denounce our worldly ways and pursue religious liberty via a spiritual life. Once again meditate the parfuma and heal your soul.

.... ..

You liked how I stopped the rain in king of NY today mwehehehhe.

New tip, my rotations pretty good and ciggaweed great, but you must visualize

The power of lightning and the flood knowledge in Jesus cursing weather regardless, and the sun as Jesus connected to the lightning, that is Jesus cursing. Etc etc

Then combine that with oil rain amaterasu hell fire, Tumors, adamentium teeth bones, gg.c.v.stomach,3rdlegriz,rgs, I am are the freedom tuna* their of.

Also combine with in the name of jesus and the power of the scitz, and weed mom as law, power of the scitz mom and children, a prayer weed force etc etc

And ariel the gmg war rev 19 glory the name.

Also remember mike burns dream, bacteria dinos the power of blue above the dream of authority, the archangels, enoch he who is like God m.

........

don't forget great Britain jesus my 12 to his 21 and my 21 to his 33 and my 21 to 32* to his 21 to 33. It was the best of times it was the worse of times, where he struggled I excelled vice versa in happiness, we truly bond,also great Britain antichrist john Jesus 600 formula and then king Solomon 666 silver robert and Joseph america pyramid judas riz 2012 bring the oil stop da rain rotation meditation.

[fallintomyeyes]

ongoing joke at work because the guy i’ve been sleeping with for the past year semi-believes in the lizard people conspiracy so now i get to hear about all the batshit conspiracy theories my coworkers dig up because apparently by letting it in my bed i have taken the mantle of conspiracy queen

[punkymonkeehat]

Really Quick Scene! Danny Phantom Cryptid AU

-----------------

"I can't believe this" Sam muttered, folding her arms across her chest. "They have a *real* cryptid just living in their barn? Yeah, sure..." She kicked a rock. "And I'm all sunshine and rainbows..."

"Sometimes you are!" Tucker turned around, walking backwards. "On a full moon, at least." The other made a face at him which, in turn, caused him to laugh.

"It's possible, I mean... my parents have a ghost portal in their basement. How weird could it be that some locals have a weird creature just holed up in some dingy building? We've seen weirder." Danny chimed in, raising an eyebrow and keeping his voice low. The crunching of the gravel beneath their boots was rhythmic as they followed far behind the two teenage boys that were marching quickly to their property. It was a bit out of town, and with the van broken and the two teens not owning their own car, the trio had to walk. A breeze rolled by, causing all three to shiver. Sam threw her scarf around her neck.

"Which makes it all the more suspicious. Remember when we were in Kansas, and that weird guy with the glass eye told us he found a dragon at the chalk pyramids? Captured it with his bare hands and put it on display?" Danny and Tucker nodded. "Well, when we went in, it turned out to be some dinky little lizard with wings strapped on its back, a total hoax. We wasted so much money for just a peak!"

"I remember it being so cute, though. Well worth the price." Tucker smiled at the memory.

"We needed to see, didn't we? You're always on about seeing proof rather than just believing people. Its the only way we can really get all of the issues these creatures and ghosts are causing figured out." Danny pointed out. Sam rolled her eyes.

"Uh, yeah, but we also need to have some kind of common sense about what we're doing. Trust the crazy glass eye dude who, by the way, was drunk off his ass and believed he was some messiah, or actually take a moment to think about what we're being offered to see? The more we spend working on these hoaxes, the less time and resources we have to work on actual cases."

"I do have to agree with Sam, Danny. We need to start being a little more wary of what we investigate. We can get into some serious trouble if we're just diving head first into every case." Tucker added. Danny sighed, slowly nodding.

"I guess you're both right. After this, I'll think it through before I agree to an investigation. I promise." He said. Sam grabbed his turtle neck sleeve, stopping him in his tracks.

"Not just a promise. A pinky swear." She held out her pinky, waiting for the other. "The most sacred of promises."

"Sam, come on."

"It's the only way you keep your promises, man." Tucker shrugged. "You have to seal the deal."

"Alright then, you pinky swear too! You're also diving into everything!" Danny chided. Tucker raised his hands in defense.

"You both are a dynamic duo of no common sense." Sam responded dryly. "Let's swear it!"

All three hooked their pinkies together. In unison they said, "I solemnly swear with pinkies paired, to follow hold onto my promise." After untangling their pinkies, the continued to walk forward. The barn came into view as they rounded the curve.

"And as you both know, if we break a pinky swear y-"

"Yeah yeah, we know." Tucker rolled his eyes. "We've known since the beginning, Sam."

They finally reached the barn and the taller of the two teens unlocked the lock that strapped the two doors tight.

"Alright, are ready to see som'thin' wild?" He said to the trio. "It'll knock your socks off!" The smaller of the two nodded his agreement.

"Our pa found it in the forest, howlin' and brought it back here. We showed our friend Lucy and she screamed so loud your eers would shatter. It's that scary!" Sam and Tucker exchanged glances, and Danny raised an eyebrow. The two boys grinned and the doors to the bar flung open.

[five-rivers]

Life's Great Lie 9

In case you need a refresher on this work, here's a link to the AO3 and a different link to the TV Tropes page.

.

“Let me get this straight,” said Jazz, voice stressed to the point of breaking.  “You want me to steal a bunch of stuff from our parents so that you can help an alien lead an invasion of Earth, because, and I quote ‘he doesn’t really want to do it.’  You’re seriously asking me to do this.  While you’re being mind-controlled by said alien.”

“Oh, yeah,” said Danny.  “You definitely can’t trust anything I’m saying.  Couldn’t even if I’d slept at all since this happened.  I fully encourage you to sabotage anything and everything you give me.  Like, he’s hijacked me pretty well, asking me to help him and all.  I’m pretty sure he’s being mind-controlled, too, though, so…  You know what I’m like.  You know what I spend all my time doing.”

“Danny, you being part of a mind control pyramid scheme does not give me any confidence in your judgment.” 

“That’s fair.  But consider!  You’ll know where I am!  And when!  Great time to do some stuff.  Or not.  Up to you.  Don’t tell me anything.”

Jazz sighed.  “Run through what you want again.”

“All of Mom and Dad’s spare portal stuff.  Porta-Portal if it’s available.  Shields.  Make sure they can hold in physical items, not just ghosts.  I mean.  Since humans are the ones most likely to stop us.  They’ve got Captain America, and he’s not dead!  The spy dudes Mom and Dad are working for now, I mean.  SHIELD.  They have Captain America.  Oh!  We also need—” Danny rattled off a list of components, “—and the ecto-converter.”

“Why do you need the ghost torture device?”

“To be fair, most of what Mom and Dad make are ghost torture devices.  I will also need the ecto-dejecto.”

“Are you planning on plugging yourself into the ghost torture device to power this thing?  Tell me you aren’t.”

“Hahaha, la la la, I can’t hear you, come drop the stuff off or don’t, bring whoever you want with you or don’t, tell anyone you want or don’t, but remember this isn’t my first circus or my first rodeo and be aware that arrow boy will probably try to steal the stuff directly from Fentonworks if you don’t.”

“For the love of—” snarled an older voice, and there was the sound of a brief struggle before the line went dead. 

“Well,” said Sam, who had been silent for the whole call.  A good choice, in Jazz’s opinion.  “That was… not expected.”

“No kidding,” said Tucker, who was trying to stick his staff in his duffle bag.  “So, how are we going to interpret that?”

“Not at face value, that’s for sure.”  Jazz drummed her fingers on the steering wheel.  She had pulled over when Danny called, so she wasn’t driving, but she’d needed something to throttle in lieu of Danny, and the steering wheel was right there.  “He was definitely trying to give us clues.”

“Yeah,” said Sam.  “But it sounds like he doesn’t know that SHIELD is connected to Nazis.”

“You’re not wrong,” said Jazz.  “But…”  She made a face.  Would he fight with Nazis if it meant saving the world?  She certainly didn’t want to.  “How connected are we talking about?  And how?”

“Don’t know,” said Tucker.  “Didn’t have the time to entirely parse what I managed to get into.  I found a lot of mentions, though, and I don’t know that there are all that many good reasons for a hate group to talk so much about a bunch of supposedly dead Nazis.”

“And SHIELD?”

“Also unclear, but, like.  Both the GIW and SHIELD are government things, right?”

“Right,” said Jazz.  “Okay.  You’re right.  We’re going to have to account for that somehow.  But what Danny’s saying…  It sounds like they don’t have enough power to run their portal.  On the surface, this is a way to get that.”

“The surface of the mind control.  It’s like a fig leaf,” said Sam.

“Yeah.  But everything he said about shields…”

“Do you think he was trying to get us to contact SHIELD?” asked Tucker. 

“Maybe, but…  It’s also an opportunity for a trap.  Shields can work both ways.  If you put the portal generator on the outside, it’s basically a cage.”

“A way to trap him and whoever he’s with.”

“Which includes at least the evil space clown,” groaned Tucker.  “Whoever else the guy can brainwash, too.”

Jazz nodded, but she was thinking about something else.  “What about the army?”

“What about the army?” asked Sam.  “It doesn’t sound like we actually have to fight it, just keep the portal closed.  Danny’s only saying he has to do this because, you know.  Mind control.”

“Yeah,” said Jazz, “but…  That still leaves an army out there that wants to attack the Earth.  One with the resources to send Loki in the first place.”

“One that doesn’t matter if they can’t get here,” said Sam. 

“They sent Loki,” said Tucker.  “So, they must have some other way to get here.  It’s probably just harder than using the portal.”  He pointed at the Scarab Scepter.  “Kind of like how I can use that, but it sucks.”

“Do you know how Loki got here?”

“Again, no.  I really need to get back in front of a computer…”

“Okay,” said Jazz.  “Will Danny’s be good for that?”

“I practically built the thing, so, yeah.”

“Great.  But back to the army, what if this is more of a ‘choose where you fight’ thing?”

“Except Danny, or whoever is pulling his strings, picked the meeting place,” said Sam. 

“I’m not sure how important that is,” said Jazz.  “He gave us a lot of information.  I’m not the best with portal physics, but there’s probably a limited number of places that could produce the same amount of power as the ecto-converter.  And then there’s what he said about ‘arrow guy.’”

“Maybe we’re supposed to catch arrow guy in the act or something?”

“I don’t know,” said Jazz.  “It isn’t like Danny to put us in harm’s way.  I think we’re missing something else.”

“He does put us in harm’s way, though,” said Tucker.  “Like, every time we go out on patrol, there’s a chance something will happen.  He tries to keep us safe, but the risk is still there.”

“Plus, if this is an apocalypse-type thing…  And he’s not exactly thinking clearly.”

“That does complicate things,” said Jazz.  She sighed.  “We’re missing something.”

“Well,” said Tucker.  “I recorded the conversation, so we can replay it as much as we want.”

“Great,” said Jazz, starting her car.  “Let’s go.  I want to get home and have some words with my parents about working for sketchy government organizations.”

“Oh, yeah,” said Tucker, with a nervous laugh, “speaking of, we never got to tell you why we had to teleport into your car, did we?”

Jazz took a very deep breath.  “How bad is it?”

“Well…”

.

“I’m not telling you who ‘supplies me,’” said Valerie, crossing her arms.  “Not until you tell me what this is really about.”

“Valerie,” said Damon Gray, his hands tightening on the back of Valerie’s chair. 

“I’m afraid that’s classified, Miss Gray.”

“Not that classified,” said Valerie.  She’d trained herself to fight the dead.  She wasn’t afraid of this guy in a suit.  “I already know it has to do with ghosts, otherwise you wouldn’t care.”  She rolled her eyes.  “I don’t know why you think you’re clever, rolling up with a different acronym or whatever, but I know you’re with the Guys in White.”

“Pardon?”

Her father cleared his throat.  “The Ghost Investigation Ward?  Government sponsored ghost hunters?”

“There are no government sponsored ghost hunters,” said Agent Coulson.  His expression had barely changed, but… 

Valerie blinked, a spark of red tracing over her vision, highlighting small details in the way the agent was holding himself.  She’d done her research, and micro-expressions and body language weren’t to be trusted – law enforcement astrology, some people had called them – but expressions were signaling devices.  Completely ignoring them was also stupid. 

“They’ve got a whole shiny new building as headquarters right outside of Amity Park,” said her father, disbelief coloring his tone. 

��Do they now,” said Coulson with no inflection whatsoever.  “We’ll need to look into that.  But I think we can conclude that you aren’t being supplied by the Fentons.”

Valerie jolted.  “What?”

“At this point, you wouldn’t be hiding it if it were them.   Their interests are too well-known.  But to be honest, your equipment isn’t our chief concern.”  He leaned ever so slightly forward.  “How well do you know Danny Fenton?”

“He’s a classmate,” said Valerie.  She didn’t like where this was going at all. 

“But not just a classmate.  You two were romantically involved.”

“Is there a point to this?” asked her father, the strain in his voice indicating that he’d like nothing better than to throw these men out of their apartment.

“He’s been kidnapped,” said Coulson. 

“What?” said Valerie.  “How?  When?  Why?”

“You don’t think Valerie has anything to do with that,” said Damon, incensed. 

“No.  We’re fully aware of who was involved and who wasn’t.  But considering the circumstances, we aren’t sure if we can rescue him without your help.”

“What do you mean?”

“Ghosts are involved,” said Coulson.  “You would get more of a briefing if you agreed to help.”

“Help how?” asked Damon, darkly.  “You aren’t recruiting my teenaged daughter to fight for you.”

“We’d prefer to have the name of her supplier.  But if that’s impossible, we would like to offer you a consulting position, Miss Gray.  Ghosts are outside our area of expertise.”

Damon leaned forward.  “What exactly is your area of expertise?”

Coulson let himself smile.  “Homeland security.” 

“And you’re interested in a kidnapping because…?”

“A threat may be involved.  Miss Gray, as you might imagine, this is a time sensitive matter.”

Valerie Gray frowned, then opened her mouth to respond.  “I—”

“I think Valerie and I need to have a private discussion,” said Damon.  “If you don’t mind.”

“Of course,” said Coulson.  He left the apartment and waited.  It would have been very easy to eavesdrop.  Trivial.  But he didn’t need to. 

Valerie Gray walked out.  “About that briefing.”

“Excellent.  If you—” His earpiece chirped. 

“We have a reported sighting of Loki in Amity Park.  Correction, make that two Loki sightings.”

.

Unfortunately, nothing short of a Loki sighting was going to get Jazz’s parents out of the lab, so that’s what she manufactured.  Tucker was upstairs, working on hacking government agencies from Danny’s computer and Sam was keeping an eye out for the ‘arrow boy,’ which left Jazz to try to put together the tools they’d need to fight a space clown army and maybe also secret government Nazis. 

Why was their life such a mess?

Jazz picked up one of the Fenton Boo-Staffs and made a face.  She was proficient in its use, but, honestly, they were having enough trouble with magic staffs, weren’t they?  Sure, the Boo-Staff was designed through science, not magic, but the two were converging at a rapid rate. 

Still, she couldn’t turn her nose up at a weapon because of something that boiled down to superstitious associations.  Speaking of associations… 

She turned it over in her hand and gazed contemplatively at the portal.  Danny wanted all the spare portal stuff and the Porta-Portal.  She’d thought that it was because he wanted to cannibalize it to make the alien portal, but that didn’t completely make sense. 

How had this alien been planning to invade if he hadn’t come across Danny?  If he had an army waiting in the wings, there had to have been a great deal of planning for this already.  He must have at least one way to bring the army here that didn’t rely on the work of two obscure scientists and their half-ghost son. 

That wasn’t quite the right angle to approach this from, either. 

She went back to the weapons.  Portal things.  Shields, physical and ghostly and possibly SHIELD the acronym as well.  The ectoconverter.  Danny making references to Circus Gothica and Freakshow—

Wait. 

Not his first circus.  Not his first rodeo. 

Not his first invasion.  Not even his second.

And how had he solved those?  What was the clue here?  Should she even be trying to find clues in what he said, considering the mind control?

She picked the blaster up off the table and fired directly behind her.  There was a cracking sound as the ectoblast hit something physical midair, and Jazz dove for cover. 

“Arrow boy, I presume!” she shouted, because she might as well annoy whoever this was while she had the chance. 

Something thunked into the table next to her, and she rolled away just in time for the metal table to be electrified.  The ectoplasm canisters on the table cracked, bubbled, and started to smoke.  A few of them moved, sluggishly, as if uncertain if they should self-animate or not.

Screw it.  “Activate Security Authorization—”

Something hit her shoulder, toppling her. 

“—Psychic Record!” she finished.  “Red Rover Protocol!”

“Authorization accepted, Jazzerincess!”

At that point, she started to feel the pain.  Arrow boy had, evidently, shot her with an actual arrow. 

Despite humans like this existing, people somehow thought ghosts were outliers.  What a joke. 

She crawled under a different table and listened to the lab’s defense systems activate… and get demolished with the accompanying twang of a bowstring. 

This guy was good.  Which was bad.  Very bad. 

And Jazz was bleeding.  It really hurt. 

A hand pulled her up out of her hiding spot.  “I prefer Hawkeye.”

“You’re going to have to get used to being disappointed,” said Jazz, as cheerfully as she could manage.  Over his shoulder, a figure appeared in the swirling ectoplasmic smoke that had enveloped the room.  “My brother must have told you how bad I am at names.”

Arrow boy didn’t look amused.  “Where’s the portal equipment?”

“You know,” continued Jazz, mostly stalling at this point, “people can fight mind control.  I’ve been working on a study of it.  Most reported successes happen when people are asked to do something they’ve never done, or never would do…  But I guess you’ve killed people before, huh?”

“The portal equipment.  Or I start talking to the kids up—”

Sam whacked arrow boy over the back of his head with the Fenton Creep Stick.  He dropped like a bag of rocks. 

Jazz sighed in relief.  “You’ve gotten better at sneaking.”

Sam, meanwhile, was staring at Jazz’s shoulder in horror.  “Not the time.  Oh, God.”

“I’m okay.”

“You are not.  Who uses arrows?”

.

“You think Danny’s Phantom?”  Valerie shook her head.  “You think Danny is Phantom?”

“Our intel is very good,” said Agent Coulson as he drove. 

Valerie was, possibly, starting to regret agreeing to come.  “You’re sure he isn’t just being overshadowed?”

“Positive.  We have the transformation on tape.”

Okay, that was something. 

“It’s a very impressive lightshow.  Reminiscent of classical Japanese magical girl anime.”

That… sounded way too much like Dani for Valerie’s peace of mind.

“… Assuming you’re right,” she said, slowly, “that means this Loki has all of Phantom’s firepower.”

“That is the problem.”

“And you don’t have anything that can work against him?  Are the Fentons refusing to help or something?”

“The opposite, but none of their weapons seem to work against him.  Possibly he simply knows some weakness in their technology that he hasn’t exploited until now.”

“Danny is smarter than people give him credit for,” said Valerie, leaning back in the car seat and chewing on her thumbnail.  “So, you want my tech to try to fight him.”

“That would be ideal.”

“You aren’t going to get it in the next ten minutes.  If Phantom is there, I’m fighting.”  Best to think of him as Phantom, for now, not Danny.  She’d figure out if Coulson knew what he was talking about later. 

“Miss Gray—"

She scoffed and interrupted him.  “Forget Phantom, an ectopus could completely screw you over if you don’t have reliable tech.”

“A what?”

Unbelievable.  These people had no idea what they’d gotten into, did they?  “Ghost octopus.  Whatever.  My point is that I know how to fight ghosts.  You don’t.  And considering that the world might end if we don’t stop this guy, I’m going to fight and you aren’t going to stop me.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“I—Wait, really?”

.

“Why do you like using yourself as a distraction so much?” asked Danny. 

Loki rolled his eyes.  “Who says I like it?”

“You keep doing it.”

“Because it’s strategically viable.”

“No one had any idea we were here in the first place.  I think you just like messing with people.  Because you’re a jerk.”

“And I think you are simply upset that I sent Barton to retrieve our equipment without giving your sister the time you wanted.”

Danny was upset about that.  He would probably die upset about it.  That didn’t change the fact that Loki was the jerkiest jerk to ever jerk. 

“She would never have helped us.”

“You don’t know that.”

“She as much as told you no while you were still on the phone with her.”

“That’s just what Jazz is like.”

A collection of black vans, military vehicles, and police cars shrieked to a stop on the road in front of them.  Danny could hear the distant but rapidly approaching whine of something airborne.

“Agent Hill,” said Loki, spreading his arms wide and casually twirling the staff.  “What a pleasant surprise!”

.

“Coulson, the Loki on Park and Amity is the real deal.  Phantom is with him.”

Valerie leaned over.  “Is that Park Park or Park Avenue?  Or Park Street?  Or, wait, do you mean Park Building on Amity Street?  Because that isn’t actually on Park, it’s on the corner of Garden Drive—”

The car went over a bump.  “Send me the coordinates,” said Coulson.  The GPS beeped. 

“Oh, Park Street and Amity Avenue.  No one calls that Park.”  She rolled down her window. 

“What are you doing?” asked Coulson. 

“I told you,” said Valerie, red creeping over his skin, “I’m going to fight!”  Before Coulson could say anything else, she climbed out of the window, summoned her hoverboard and flew to Park Street and Amity Avenue as fast as she could.

.

The only reason Coulson got to Amity Park before Tony did was that SHIELD didn’t give him a ride and he had to fix his instead.  Of course, fixing his suit was the responsible thing to do, he supposed.  He had no fire power and little fighting ability without it.  Martial arts were great and all, but he didn’t think trying to go after Loki bare handed was a smart move. 

And Tony was all about smart moves.  No matter what Pepper said. 

Anyway.

Point was, he was only getting into Amity when the Loki alert went out.  Bad timing in a vast number of ways.  He’d wanted to get his hands on the Fentons’ schematics before round two with the kid. 

“Sir,” said Jarvis.  “There is an unidentified craft ascending at your two o’clock.”

“Magnify.”

Jarvis zoomed in on…  Okay, Tony had officially lost the plot. 

“Patch me to Coulson.  Hey, Coulson, you know anything about little red riding hood on a flying surfboard, or am I hallucinating?”

“Red Huntress is on our side,” said

Tucker hunched over the Ops Center central control panel, trying not to be too nervous about the magic staff that would wake up his super-powered evil side sitting in the bag next to his feet, or Jazz and Sam tying up the mind-controlled government-sponsored assassin behind him.  Oh, he was also trying to hack several different government agencies and also keep an eye out for news about alien invasions, strange lights, Tony Stark, Captain America, Danny, and ghosts, because this was when a ghost would try to stake their claim on Amity Park, without Danny to defend it. 

The staff glittered temptingly, and Tucker pushed it further under the table.  He was pretty sure losing his mind to his jerkish megalomaniac (but very cool) past self would make the situation worse.  How it would make it worse, he wasn’t too clear on, but they already had one guy with delusions of divinity and a staff. 

One was enough. 

(Duulaman was definitely cooler than Loki, though.)

(And better looking.)

“Oh, heck, he’s waking up,” said Jazz, making Tucker jump and twitch towards the staff. 

He managed to abort the motion and prep his lipstick laser instead. 

“I’ll just—” started Sam. 

“You can’t give him another head injury, it might kill him!”

“Jazz, he shot you.  With an arrow.  I don’t really care.”

“Do you want to deal with a vengeful ghost assassin while Danny’s out of commission?”

Sam paused.  “No.”

“We’ve got the Fenton Cuffs on him, anyway.  And the Fenton Chains.  And the—”

“Please stop.  If I hear any more about your parents’ branded torture devices, I might lose my mind.”

At that point, the archer groaned and tried to sit up.  Unfortunately, he’d been attached to the Fenton Balls and Chain (three point five six times better than the original ball and chain!) and sitting up was therefore contraindicated. 

Yeah.  Tucker didn’t know what the Fentons had been thinking, either. 

“Hold up,” said Jazz, kneeling next to the archer, then thinking better of it and kneeling on his chest instead.  He wheezed, almost comically. 

“Uh, Jazz?” said Tucker.  “What are you doing?”

“One second.”  She pulled apart his eyelids with her fingers.  “His eye color is different than it was.”

“Contacts?” suggested Sam.

“I don’t think so,” said Jazz.  “Who’d wear color contacts to rob someone?  I think this kind of mind control must have a visual indicator, like overshadowing.”  She stood up and brushed off her knees, as if kneeling on the archer had made them dirty. 

“Great,” drawled Sam.  “So instead of a Nazi assassin being mind-controlled by an alien invader, he’s just a Nazi assassin.”

“A concussed Nazi assassin,” said Jazz.

“Who’re you callin’ a Nazi?” slurred the archer, squinting up at Sam. 

Sam crossed her arms.  “That’d be the guy working for Hydra.”

“There’s s’meone workin’ for Hydra?  Wha?”

“But more importantly,” said Jazz, “it seems to suggest that unconsciousness may be enough to release Loki’s victims from his control.”

“Like Danny,” said Tucker. 

“Yeah, but then we still have the problem of actually hitting Danny, the Creep Stick’s ability to concuss assassins that use archaic weaponry or no.”  Sam shrugged.  “Maybe if we got all the other people Loki has first?”

“But we’re not limited to the Creep Stick, are we?” asked Tucker.  “That’s why we… went to the museum.”  He rubbed his hands on his pants.  They really shouldn’t be having this conversation in front of the government agent. 

“Yeah,” said Sam, looking uncomfortable.  “But I know that’s… you know.  It’s kind of there for backup.  So we have the option.”

The computer beeped and Tucker spun his chair to look at it, scrolling through his news-scanning programs.  “Ghost Watch just reported a Loki sighting.”

“That’s kind of late, isn’t it?” asked Sam, taking a few steps forward to peer over his shoulder.  “Didn’t you send in that tip over an hour ago?”

“I did, and they reported on it.  This is a different Loki sighting.”  He looked over his shoulder at the archer.  “Is he, like, being a taxi for you guys and then going sight-seeing or what?  Why is he even here?”  The decision didn’t seem to be strategically sound. 

The archer blinked at him.  “Who?”

Great.  Fine.  Not like he’d expected their prisoner to be useful or anything.  He went back to the alert and continued reading, only to close his eyes.  “Danny’s with him.”

“That’s a problem,” said Sam. 

“No kidding,” snapped Tucker.  “At least we know where he is?  We could…”  He trailed off.  “Heck.”  He reached under the table and retrieved his bag. 

“What are you doing?” asked Jazz. 

“Knocking out Danny,” said Tucker, smiling thinly.  “Wish me luck.”

He grabbed the staff- his staff- and let the delicious power of it flow through him.  A gust of sand swept him away and deposited him on the corner of Park and Amity.

It was, of course the wrong Park and Amity, but that was fine.  He was an Amity Park native.  He’d find the right one eventually.  He raised his staff again.    

[orangeoctopi7]

Who was that Mysterious Figure?

I hope it’s OK to count chapter 16 of my Spider Stan AU for week 1 of @stanuary .

AO3 Link:  https://archiveofourown.org/works/17607854/chapters/111035395

Ford didn’t even remember blacking out, but when he came to, he was no longer in his basement lab. He was in town, perched on the vertical wall of the church tower in town square. He looked down at his reflection in a dark stained glass window in awe. 

He was completely covered in a fine webbing of black and gold, completely unrecognizable. It wasn’t far from the sketch he’d made of the new suit he wanted to make for Stanley, but with a sort of pyramid motif instead of one of spiders. His suit had enormous, slanting yellow eyes, and a large yellow inverted triangle on his chest. Whatever it was made of, it was clearly more advanced than any earthly fabric. It moved with him as he moved, almost like another set of muscles had attached themselves to the outside of his skin. He ran a finger along his arm, and despite the fact that it covered his fingers as well, he could feel the texture. It was fibrous and wiry and shifting, like it was alive.

SPOT ON AS ALWAYS, SIXER! 

By now, Ford was used to hearing Bill’s voice in his head from time to time, but now it seemed amplified. Almost overwhelming.

SO, YOU READY TO TAKE THIS THING OUT ON A JOYRIDE, SEE HOW IT WORKS?

“Yes.” Ford spoke aloud, but it sounded strange. Like his own voice had been thrown into a blender with Bill’s. He cleared his throat, and even that sounded wrong. This was going to take some getting used to. “Wha-- hmm-- uh, what do I do?”

THAT’S THE BEAUTY OF THE SYMBIOTE! IT SHARES THE SAME PSYCHIC LINK I DO WITH YOU, SO IT’S COMPLETELY INTUITIVE, LIKE THE MINDSCAPE! JUST THINK IT, AND IT WILL DO IT!

“If that’s the case, then how did I get out here?” 

SINCE IT’S THE SAME PSYCHIC LINK I SHARE WITH YOU, I CAN TAKE CONTROL IF YOU’RE EVER KNOCKED OUT OR EVEN IF YOUR HUMAN BRAIN IS JUST TAKING TOO LONG. JUST THINK OF IT AS A LITTLE HELP FROM A FRIEND.

Ford’s heart swelled with gratitude. He remembered a time when he didn’t dare hope that Bill could reciprocate his feelings of friendship, but now, not only were they friends, they were working together as one, as a superhero, trusting each other more than perhaps anyone had ever trusted another.

SURE I TRUST YOU, BUDDY! IF I CAN TRUST YOU TO BUILD THE PORTAL FOR ME, THEN OF COURSE I CAN TRUST YOU WITH THE SYMBIOTE.

Ford’s thoughts were thrown off track. That hadn’t even been directed at Bill, not even fully formed in his own head, how had he--?

OH YEAH, AS LONG AS YOU’RE WEARING THE SYMBIOTE, I HAVE FULL ACCESS TO YOUR THOUGHTS. IT’S NICE, I DON’T EVEN HAVE TO GO AROUND OPENING DOORS LIKE WHEN I’M IN YOUR DREAMSCAPE! 

Ford panicked and tried to bury a number of embarrassing thoughts before Bill could “see” them. Which of course, just brought them to the forefront of his mind. 

AHAHAHA, WHAT’S THE MATTER, FORDSY? WORRIED I’LL THINK IT’S PATHETIC HOW DESPERATE YOU ARE FOR MY APPROVAL? DON’T WORRY! I’M FLATTERED YOU CARE SO MUCH! NO NEED TO BE EMBARRASSED! WELL, MAYBE IT IS A LITTLE EMBARRASSING. BUT IN A CUTE, ENDEARING WAY, YA KNOW?

Ford felt himself flushing under the symbiote mask. This just caused Bill to laugh some more. 

SEE THIS? THIS IS WHY WE’RE FRIENDS. NONE OF THE OTHER FLESH SACKS WHO I WORKED WITH BEFORE GOT MY SENSE OF HUMOR LIKE YOU DO, IQ! HOW LUCKY AM I THAT YOU’RE BOTH SMARTER AND A BETTER SPORT THAN ANYONE ELSE!

“Th-thanks…” Ford stammered, before quickly shutting his mouth. He still didn’t like how this different voice sounded. 

If you can see directly into my thoughts, why can’t I see directly into yours? He switched to a directed thought instead. 

WELL, I MEAN, YOU COULD. IF YOU’RE OK WITH YOUR BRAIN EXPLODING IMMEDIATELY AFTER I OPEN THE CONNECTION. I’M KEEPING THAT BLOCKED OFF FOR YOUR SAFETY. 

Oh.

YEAH OH. NOW ARE WE GONNA TAKE THIS BABY ON A JOY RIDE OR WHAT?

Bill must have been impatient because Ford felt the symbiote start to move his body without his direction. Not liking the sensation, he quickly jumped back into control and climbed to the very top of the church steeple and took in his surroundings. 

He had no web shooters, but he instinctively knew that the fibrous symbiote could stretch itself to behave in much the same way. This was so much easier than it had been riding along with Stan! It was completely instinctual, and the one time he slipped up and missed his mark for a web anchor, Bill took over and shot out another line directly from his back and caught him before he fell more than a couple of inches. Soon Ford had the hang of swinging webs not just from his hands, but from any part of his body. The symbiote seemed to be able to stretch itself infinitely. 

They were swinging over the police station when Ford spotted movement out of the corner of his eye. A hooded figure in dark red robes was darting away from the back door of the station, where the thugs who had attacked them just yesterday were being held. Ford was about to go after the hooded figure when Bill held him back. 

WHOA THERE SIXER! WE DON’T KNOW WHO OR WHAT THAT THING IS, BUT THIS IS THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR LITTLE MOBSTER PROBLEM. 

What? What do you mean?

DON’T FORGET THESE JERKS KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE. SOME OF THEM EVEN KNOW YOU LOOK JUST LIKE THE SPIDER MAN. IF THEY GO BACK TO THEIR BOSS WITH THAT INFORMATION, IT DOESN’T MATTER IF YOUR BROTHER LEAVES OR NOT. YOU’LL BE A TARGET.

They’re in jail, they won’t have the chance to pass anything along. 

OH, THEY’LL FIND A WAY TO PASS IT ALONG. DOESN’T YOUR DUMB JUSTICE SYSTEM GIVE THEM ONE PHONE CALL OR SOMETHING?

Oh, right, he’d forgotten about that. But I’ll have you. I’ll have the symbiote.

TRUE! STILL, THESE ARE BAD GUYS, RIGHT? THEY’VE BEEN HUNTING DOWN YOUR BROTHER FOR WHO KNOWS HOW MANY YEARS. THEY’RE THE REASON HE’S BEEN ON THE RUN AND HOMELESS. I THINK YOU’LL AGREE, THEY DON’T DESERVE ANY MERCY.

Ford found he did agree. Rage was burning through him like a fever, coming on suddenly. He easily tore the back door off its hinges, giving him easy access to the cell where the thugs were being held. The four survivors were lazing about with blank stares when he found them. They all screamed when he reached through the bars and grabbed one by the throat. The symbiote stretched out beyond the natural reach of his arm and slammed the man into the back wall. It was the one who’d held the knife to his throat earlier. 

“Wh-what!?” The thug choked out in a panic. “What is that thing!?”

His compatriots just cowered and whimpered in fear. 

“You’re going to stop hunting the Spider Man.” Ford growled in his strange new voice. 

“Wh-wh-what is that? Is that what you are? I’ve never seen anything like you before in my life!”

SEE FORDSY, THREATENING THEM ISN’T GONNA WORK BECAUSE THAT’S ALREADY WHAT THEIR BOSS DOES. THE ONLY WAY YOU’RE GONNA TAKE CARE OF THESE IDIOTS IS THE PERMANENT WAY. 

Bill took over again and his muse spoke through him in that same blended voice. “Oh-ho, you wish I was the second-rate hero who landed you in here! I’m Venom, and I’m not some sap who’s just gonna send you off to jail and hope you never bother anyone again. I’m your worst nightmare!” With that, more of the symbiote branched off from his arm and formed a long, sharp spear, aimed straight at the man’s head.

The rage seething inside Ford almost led him to let Bill follow through with the threat, but he balked at the last second. He’d never killed anyone, unless you counted those zombies, and he was pretty sure they became completely mindless after a few days. What’s more, something was wrong here. These guys were too scared for thugs who worked for the mob, and it wasn’t just fear in their eyes, it was confusion.

“Do you know where you are right now?” Ford took over and pulled the spike away, letting up from his choke hold on the man a bit.

The man and all his compatriots shook their heads.

“Does the name Gravity Falls mean anything to you?”

Again, they all shook their heads no. 

“Do any of you remember how you got here?”

More head shakes. 

“What’s the last thing any of you remember?”

That one they did have an answer for. Most of them answered that the last thing they remembered was a casino, while another said the last thing he remembered was a long drive from Portland. To where, he didn’t recall. None of them seemed to remember anything about the last 24 hours. And none of them could remember anything about a Spider Man. 

THEY COULD JUST BE FAKING IT SIXER, ARE YOU REALLY READY TO TAKE THAT CHANCE?

But as Ford looked into their eyes, he was certain they weren’t faking it.

NO OFFENSE IQ BUT YOU’RE NOT THE BEST AT SPOTTING LIARS.

I’m not about to kill them either way!

Bill didn’t respond immediately, but after a beat he laughed.

SURE, IT WOULDN’T BE VERY HEROIC TO KILL THEM LIKE THIS, WOULD IT? IF THEY DO END UP SENDING MORE MOOKS AFTER US, WE’LL TAKE CARE OF THEM THEN. 

Ford pulled the extended symbiote back to him, letting the thug he’d been harassing drop back to the floor. He was trying to think of something witty to say to the criminals as he left when he heard a familiar voice.

“Sweet Moses, what happened to the door?” The Spider Man was whispering, but with the symbiote’s enhancements, Ford could hear him all the way in the next room. He began to panic. What was he supposed to do? How was he going to explain this to Stanley?

OH, DEFINITELY DON’T TELL HIM. REMEMBER YOUR SCIENCE FAIR PROJECT? REMEMBER HOW JEALOUS HE CAN GET?

It apparently wasn’t up for debate, because Bill took over again and climbed up to the ceiling to sneak out the back door. Unfortunately, Stan was also on the ceiling. 

“What the h—” He was cut off when Bill whipped him in the face with a tendril of symbiote.

“Meet your replacement, Spider Man! I’m Venom! I look forward to outclassing you in the future!” And with that he scurried away.

That was more malicious than necessary.

OH PLEASE, YOU ACT LIKE YOU’VE NEVER DONE A LITTLE SIBLING RIBBING BEFORE!

I don’t think he’ll see it that way, especially since we’re apparently not going to tell him it’s me.

THAT’S WHAT MAKES IT SO GREAT! FINALLY, A SECRET YOU DON’T HAVE TO SHARE WITH YOUR TWIN!

Normally, Ford would argue that Bill’s existence was already a secret he didn’t have to share with his twin, plus over ten years spent apart, but he found himself agreeing with his muse. His usual arguments were shoved back to his subconscious faster than the embarrassing thoughts he’d been trying to purposefully bury earlier, before he even consciously noticed he’d been actively thinking of them. 

-line break-

Stan had just been going to try and interrogate the remaining four thugs to see how much they knew about Ford. Thankfully, he hadn’t been using his real name when he’d worked for Rico, so at least they couldn’t use that to connect them, but he couldn’t really do anything about the fact that they looked pretty much identical. How many of these jerks had just assumed Ford was him, and how many had worked out they were brothers? What could he possibly do to buy their silence? Maybe give them some of Ford’s science junk? Any criminal would be happy to have these web shooters, even if it took super strength to actually swing around on them without pulling your arms out of their sockets. But would that really be enough to keep them from going back to Rico with such juicy black mail?

This wasn’t his first time breaking into, or out of, a police station jail. Normally, he’d observe the security cameras, crawl up on a wall or ceiling in a blind spot, and then crawl up close enough to cover whichever ones were pointed at the window or door he wanted to enter through. Then he’d pick the lock and be in and out before anyone noticed the camera wasn’t working. 

Unfortunately, someone got here first who wasn’t nearly so careful. 

“Sweet Moses, what happened to the door?” It had been pulled off its hinges from the outside by something powerful. Maybe even more powerful than him. Stan gulped. So either Rico had already sent someone else, maybe even found someone else with super powers, or some cryptid had crawled out of the woods and decided the jail was a good place to get a midnight snack. 

Well, whatever it was, his spider-sense wasn’t going off, so it was long gone. For now, he’d just look for clues. Maybe Ford could help him figure out what it had been. 

His heart sank. Maybe not. He’d have to leave tomorrow to try and get these jerks off Ford’s tail.

He climbed up onto the ceiling to avoid any security cameras, and was about half way through the room when something else entered into the room from the direction of the cells, also climbing on the ceiling. 

Stan’s jaw dropped. It was almost solid black, with golden yellow webbing spreading across its surface, an inverted triangle of gold emblazoned across its chest like a shield, and huge glowing yellow eyes. If Stan had to guess what Ford’s crazy cryptid publications thought he looked like, this would be it. 

“What the h—” He didn’t even get the cuss fully formed in his mouth before a tentacle or something shot out of its arm and slapped him across the face like an offended mother. 

“Meet your replacement, Spider Man!” It spoke with no mouth, its voice somehow simultaneously gravely and whiney. “I’m Venom! I look forward to outclassing you in the future!” It scuttled away before he could respond, like a cockroach, human shaped, but inhuman movements. It gave him the willies. He wasn’t sure he wanted to follow after it.

So he didn’t. Whatever that cryptid was, and whatever it wanted with him, it didn’t really matter. He was going to be gone by this time tomorrow, and from what Ford said, most of the local weirdness didn’t leave Roadkill County. He had much bigger fish to fry. Hopefully whatever that was didn’t kill these jerks. Sure, these guys were ruining his life just when he was thinking things might finally go his way for a change, and they’d probably kill him if they thought they could get away with it, but if Stan stopped caring about human life when it was convenient, he wouldn’t be any better than Rico.

Thankfully, they were all still alive, but whatever that thing had been, it had obviously roughed them up. What’s more, none of them remembered a thing about him. They all huddled in the corner like a bunch of scared kittens as soon as he entered the room, and none of them recognized him, or even remembered the last 24 hours. What the heck was that thing, and what had it done to them?

-line break-

Everyone slept in the next morning, and everyone looked exhausted once they finally pulled themselves out of bed and to the kitchen for breakfast. 

“Is your insomnia acting up again?” Ford asked McGucket between guzzling cups of coffee. 

“Eh, not exactly.” Fiddleford’s gaze was glued to his own mug. “I, uh, had some calculations I had to work on late last night.”

Ford nodded. His friend had always triple checked their calculations instead of just double checking. 

“You?”

“Oh, well I was…” Ford felt the condensed ball of black and yellow goo in his pocket twitch. “I was studying the meteorite that saved us unexpectedly.”

Stan rolled into the kitchen with a loud groan. “Yeesh, what a night.” He yanked the coffee pot out of Ford’s hand without even asking. “I was packing until I thought things were probably quiet enough at the police station I could slip out there and interrogate Rico’s goons, see how much they know before I try and get him off you guys’s trail. Only when I get there, all their minds have been wiped by some weird black and yellow tentacle cryptid!”

Ford and McGucket both looked at him with surprise. 

“You think the cryptid wiped their minds?” Ford asked incredulously.

“No, Ford, I think some other random thing came along and wiped their minds before I found them with the cryptid.” Stan answered sarcastically. “Seriously, what else could it be? Unless you know some other kinda weird thing that can erase minds.”

The researcher glanced at his assistant, whose eyes were once again glued to his mug. “No creatures that I’m aware of, no, but that sound suspiciously like—” 

“Y’know, I reckon I saw that cryptid last night too.” Fiddleford interrupted him. 

“Really, when?” Ford asked, surprised. 

“Oh, eh, I was, er, on the porch, uh, emptyin’ out my spitoon right before I went to sleep late last night, thought I saw it up in the trees. Human shaped, black silhouette with a yellow triangle on its chest and big ol’ yellow eyes.”

“Yep, that’s the same one I saw.” Stan nodded. 

Ford frowned. He thought he’d been so careful not to be spotted when he came home last night!

“Well, it's not a cryptid I’m familiar with.” Ford said.

“Great, sounds like you’ll have something new and exciting to study instead of my dumb powers.” Stan said, finishing off his mug of coffee before slinging his duffle back over his arm. “Welp, better hit the road. I’ve already wasted enough daylight sleeping in so late today.”

Ford grabbed him roughly by the arm. “Stanley, wait! Surely the fact that their minds have been erased buys us some time?”

“Sure it does. That’s why I can’t waste it.”

“I can’t just let you leave and put yourself in danger to protect me! I’m not a helpless child anymore!”

Stan sighed, turning away from his brother. “Ford, we’ve been over this. Stop making it more difficult than it has to be.”

“No! I’m not letting you leave like this!” His grip on his brother’s arm tightened and he felt the symbiote crawl out of his pants pocket and slip under his shirt.

Stan turned back to his brother and grinned dangerously. “I’d really love to see you try and stop me, Sixer.”

“I’m more than capable of protecting myself!” Ford growled.

“Good, that means you don’t need me anymore!” Stan went to yank his arm out of his brother’s grip.

It didn’t budge.

Stan looked at his brother with eyes as big as saucers. He’d never seen Stanford so furious, not even when he’d confronted Stan about the broken spider habitat. The con man was about to ask his brother what the big deal was, when McGucket spoke up again. 

“Y’know, I do have an idea that might make this whole argument a moot point.” 

The brothers looked at him expectantly. 

“These folks couldn’t find any of us, if we moved our research to a secret bunker in the middle of the woods.”

Stan looked at the inventor incredulously. “You, uh, you just got one of those lying around, do ya?”

“No, but there’s plenty o’ tunnels and the like under this here valley, wouldn’t be too difficult to fit one out for our needs. I’d already been thinkin’ about buildin’ one, just in case the portal goes critical—”

Stan paled, “Is that likely?”

Fiddleford didn’t answer Stan’s question, but he did shoot a meaningful glance at Ford, “—so I’ve already got a location in mind and some basic schematics drafted. Shouldn’t take more’n a day or two to build with the proper help.”

Ford’s demeanor immediately brightened. “That’s perfect!”

Stan was more apprehensive. He’d already made peace with his decision. This was always going to happen sooner or later. Leaving while Ford still wanted and cared about him was honestly the highest note he could go out on.

Obviously sensing his brother’s hesitation, Ford yanked his duffle bag out of his hands. 

“You’re staying.” 

It wasn’t a suggestion or even a declaration. It was a demand. One with a far more aggressive edge to it than Stan was used to hearing in his brother’s voice. Not that Ford couldn’t be aggressive. Just not about this kind of thing. In the past it had only ever been when he was defending his scientific research, or his nerdy interests, or even the rare occasions when he would talk back to his bullies. 

Finally deciding that the argument was no longer worth the effort, Stan rolled his eyes and left the kitchen. “Guess I’ll go unpack then.”

Ford turned his intense gaze to Fiddleford. “What did you do with the memory gun?”

McGucket did a spit take in surprise. “I-I dismantled it days ago, I told ya!”

“Really? Then why do none of the criminals from yesterday remember the last 24 hours? Or the Spider Man, for that matter?”

“S-stanley could be mistaken. They could just be playin’ dumb to try and fool him!”

“And more tellingly, why did Stan assume their memories were erased by the cryptid? Why didn’t he even ask you about the possibility that your memory gun had been used?”

“B-because he knew I dismantled it!”

“Stanley isn’t that trusting, or stupid! Even if he was 100% certain that you’d dismantled it, he would have asked you if you thought anyone might have swiped the blueprints, or if you’d ever shared the designs with anyone outside of the three of us. Unless he somehow forgot about its existence altogether.”

Fiddleford’s face contorted into a guilt-stricken frown, clearly caught in his lie. “Stanford, I’m so sorry—”

“Where is it?” Again, it wasn’t a simple question or a suggestion. It was a demand. One with more fire behind it than even Ford’s thesis defense. 

“P-please, I need it! I-I’m not like you, I-I can’t live with this knowledge! Without it, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, it’s like every moment I’m just waitin’ for an alien invasion or— or some monster to come crashin’ out o’ the woods, o-or that th-thing you’re obsessed with to-to do somethin’!”

“I told you, that device is far too dangerous!”

“No more dangerous than your portal! I’m still running the simulations, but there is definitely a non-zero chance it’ll go critical.”

“They said there was a non-zero chance the first nuclear bomb tests would ignite the entire atmosphere.” Ford scoffed. “You’re a brilliant engineer, I know you’ll be able to find a way to mitigate the risk.” 

“Oh, so that’s it? My concerns are just unfounded hogwash, but I should throw away the only thing that makes it possible for me to sleep at night just cuz you’re worried about possible misuse?”

Ford fixed his friend with a dark glare. “My device can’t be used on the unsuspecting without their consent.”

“Oh, really Stanford?” McGucket put his hands on his hips. “You plannin’ on gettin’ a permission slip from Town Hall when it’s time to power up that portal? How about the State Legislature? The White House? The United Nations givin’ you the go ahead?”

Ford gripped his friend’s shoulder tightly and it was anything but calming. “Where. Is it?”

The sound of shattering glass broke them out of their intense staring contest. They turned to see Stan with the memory gun broken in his grasp, smaller bits of it littering the floor at his feet. 

“Super hearing, remember?” He grunted. “I remembered the thing as soon as Ford mentioned it.” He tossed the two largest pieces in the trash and grabbed a dustpan to sweep up the fragments on the floor. “All I had to do was dig around your room for a bit.” 

Fiddleford looked stricken, as broken as the memory gun sitting in the trash. “H-how could you?” He whispered.

“Look, I get it.” Stan said sympathetically. “I swear I do. But do ya really think I’m gonna trust you with that thing again after you used it on me against my will?” 

The inventor didn’t seem to be able to hear him. “How could you!?” He exploded. “How could you doom me to this— this madness!? To the eyes and the laughter—”

“Yeesh, dramatic much?” Stan rolled his eyes. 

That was the last straw, Fiddleford stormed out of the room, and they heard the front door slam open and shut as well, followed by the sound of the McGucket’s truck revving up and speeding away.

-line break-

Ivan was sitting by the side of the road anxiously wringing his hands. The carnival was packing up, and his coworkers were shooting him glares for not helping, but he'd agreed to meet someone here. Someone important.

He was surprised when the truck he was expecting came early. Fiddleford McGucket climbed out, shaking like a leaf. 

"Oh thank goodness you're still here!" The inventor hugged Ivan like a lifeline.

"Of course, sir, I told you I'd wait after what you showed me last night."

"The prototype was destroyed this morning. Have ya still got the upgraded version I left with you for safe keeping?"

Ivan nodded and pulled out the fancy wooden box McGucket had given him last night. The inventor breathed a sigh of relief and opened it up, revealing a new memory gun. His shaking stopped the moment he held it in his hands.

"It ain't safe to keep this here computermajig where I'm stayin' anymore. Can I trust you to keep it safe a while longer?"

"I'd be honored, sir!"

McGucket clapped the younger man on the back. "You, me, an' this here device is just the start of something big. I already got other folks in mind. We're gonna save this town. Welcome to the Society of the Blind Eye."

FFW EEJB HBAZE A GIVL WM LA DGEPFE HBSF AJTDP USGGDW WKEJQBA UGJL. XZVV WZ A’Y NDTCZVU CL EYXX EEL IMAZE LAI JGAVAARW MS TWBNJAJ ZBQ ZVGNWMB GY SLBFCYTR HHWJMGMAZE KBBVZ, HBSF RZBRX KCODP QLBPC LC MGYC VTQROS.

[astaroth1357]

Demigod MC Series: Dionysus

Hey y’all, sorry for going dark! I’m alright, almost completely recovered in fact! I just got so sleepy while my body was fighting stuff off and couldn’t really work up the energy to write... Still going to be spotty for a short time, but I’m glad to have gotten this done. See ya soon!

Demigod MC Series: Intro, Aphrodite, Hermes, Hades, Dionysus

Lucifer

Well, this mortal stumbled out of the portal covered in glitter, body paint, and carrying a red solo cup… which they proceeded to stare at like, "'ell sshhit… Thiz iz sum stron s'uff…"

First impressions were not on their side here.

He spent a depressingly long amount of time more or less assuming that the MC was a drunken f-up and spent the first few months trying to make them more… presentable.

But like… How do you stop someone from acting like a drunk fool when they can turn any drink they touch alcoholic???

For months they would show up to meetings buzzed or stumbling, all smiles and all giggles but HORRIBLY unprofessional, and he just couldn't stand it!

But then he found out their little secret…

Assassination threats befall the exchange students all the time. Most of them are dealt with quickly but some (through skill or dumb luck) manage to slip through...

He had been walking with the MC through their new vineyard in the House's courtyard, yet again trying to lecture them about their drunken behavior, when suddenly the two were ambushed!

Ten or so heavily armored demons dropped down from the sky to attack them! Lucifer was so preoccupied that he got cornered by three of them and it took him a hot minute to destroy them.

When he looked back at the mortal (who had been fighting a 1-on-7) he was certain they'd have been kidnapped or worse…

But he saw that they had already cut down two attackers with their weapon with ease. The other five were rolling in the dirt, babbling about inexplicable terrors and imaginary pain as their minds succumbed to madness…

Meanwhile, the MC just stood in the middle of it all with the icy glare of someone who’s just revealed how stone-cold sober they've always been under the surface...

When they turned back to him, they put their usual ditzy smile back on over the tormented wails of the demons around them...

MC: Whoopsie… Gotta little mad there. 🙂

He uh… took a big ol'step off their back after that. Surprisingly, they're more pleasant (and less dangerous) "drunk" than they are sober…

Mammon

Oh HELL yeah!! Lucifer actually gave him a mortal that knows how to party!!

Admittedly, they looked like utter trash when they first met, like, "Hey, I've been at this party since DAWN" trash, but they gave him one good look and pulled together a surprisingly hot smile.

MC: "-ey yer cute… Ya like strip poker?"

Spoken like someone else who also makes shit decisions… They were going to get along just fine!

And they did. The MC to him was that one friend that's always down for anything. Just anything. Whenever. Wherever.

He wants to try sneaking into Lucifer's room to steal stuff? Sure, what time?

He wants to take a mattress and see if he can ride it down the grand staircase of the palace? Alright, we bringin' pillows too?

He needs to set up another scheme that's gotta involve live rats and box of tiny hats and monocles?? That's oddly specific but count them in!!

Sometimes he honestly can't tell if they're laid back or just crave chaos... but it works out fine for him either way so who cares? 🤷‍♀️

And if you think normal Mammon is a pain in the ass for Lucifer? Check out drunk Mammon. All the same urges but literally none of the (marginal) competence!!

At one point, the eldest ended up stringing both Mammon and the MC from the ceiling after they both barged into his office looking for Goldie… while he was still in there… watching them wander around aimlessly calling out for a piece of plastic like it was a missing puppy…

They end up together on the ceiling a lot come to think of it, but hey, at least now he has some company. 😌

Leviathan

Thinks they're the most normal normie to have ever normed on this normie planet!!!

No, seriously. They're a billion times worse than Asmo!! All they want to do is go to parties and drink all the time! What kind of use is he to someone like that??

… That being said they ARE pretty fun to be around… And their sake is WAY better than anything he could get off Akuzon!!

They also like karaoke too! So at least he has someone else to go with (even if they get so drunk they can’t remember any lyrics and just belt barely coherent discount Mariah Carey vocals behind him...)

Of course, the real fun between these two is everybody else getting to watch a couple of the Devildom's sloppiest drunks attempt to communicate with each other…

Levi: MMM-*hic*-MCCC…!!! *throws himself at them from across the bar*

MC: What Leviachan??? 😨 Did the chair kick you off?!

Levi: Nooo! *pokes their cheek* I wanna-I wanna tell you sometin'...! *tries pulling them closer*

MC: Whaa? Secrets?? *leans in eagerly*

Levi: Mammon used all ma money on’a pyramid scheme a thou-zand years ago… AND HE STILL WON'T PAY ME BAAA-!!! 😭😭 *starts shaking them violently*

MC: *getting flung around like a limp noodle* Waaaat?! Nooo!!! I'm so sowwy!! 😢

Mammon: *watching it all go down right next to him* 😑 Ya guys need some water… I'm cuttin' ya off, got it?

MC: 😱 Shut yer whore mouth, criminal!! *starts pelting him with pretzel bites*

Levi: 😤 Yah!! *joins in*

Good thing he's a shut-in, because the hangovers he gets after those escapades are unreal…

Satan

A little concerned for their liver, honestly… How much damage have they already done to the poor thing...?

But at the same time, he'll be damned if they don't make some utterly fantastic wine!

Alcokinesis wasn't a power he would have pegged a demigod to have but apparently the great art of making drinks comes from their godly DNA.

When they first met, he was trying to get the MC to act less slovenly but made the mistake of agreeing to a wager: he'd let them dress however they pleased if they could give him the BEST drink he'd ever tasted.

Now, Satan isn't a huge drinker (thank you terrible alcohol tolerance), but he's still a man of fine tastes. Plus, he's sampled Demonus from Diavolo royal stock before. They should not have won…

But on that day, he had to let them go to RAD in a pink blanket toga... 😑 Their wine is just THAT good.

He hates to admit it, but they've gotten him drunk more times than he could probably count too… He's not a huge fan of clubbing with them and the others, but if they bring over a bottle from their vineyard he just can't resist. They're a master of their craft, truly.

And it's a good thing he likes their drinks so much, because if they called him, "Kitty-boy," when he's sober, he may have just become a sour grape himself…

They also may or may not have copious amounts of blackmail material of him either meowing between sentences, sobbing over some fictional character he likes, pole dancing on dares….

Yeah, he's been trying to destroy their phone for months now. If Lucifer were to see ANY of that, he's done for… 😣

He has also been meaning to ask them about other aspects of their abilities, their father is also the God of Madness after all, but anytime he tries to bring it up they shove another glass in his hand and tell him not to kill the mood...

Eh. What's the harm in having another drink, right? 🤷‍♀️

Asmodeus 

Honey. He's MET Dionysus. He's been to a Dio-party or two and they're INSANE. He could not be more thrilled by this!!!

He practically scooped them up on the first night that they were in the House and it’s practically been a nonstop rave between these two ever since. They’re like the party twin he never knew he needed!!

He absolutely abuses their ability to turn pretty much any drink they touch into alcohol at clubs. It makes the nights so much easier on the wallet PLUS it makes an excellent little party trick to impress the succubi! Who doesn’t want a free drink? 😏

And can he just say that their drinks are better? Just flat out amazing! If it weren’t so unhealthy he’d consider drinking nothing but their booze and wine for the rest of his days, Satan’s certainly getting close to it.

But little does Satan know, he’s not even getting the GOOD stuff...

There’s the normal wine: grapes picked from the vineyard, hand squeezed, then magically helped through the fermenting process. But their real good stuff? They were given enchanted oak barrels from their father and anything that comes out of those is worth starting a WAR over. 😩

He knows, because he gifted an extra bottle to Diavolo once and Barbs came to him the very next day demanding to know what vineyard had produced it with the look of man willing to annex a small nation...

Asmo had to beg Lucifer to talk to Diavolo after the butler more or less kidnapped the MC back to the Castle… Devil knows even Barbs wouldn’t ever be able to reproduce their wine, so they could have been locked there for eternity!!

Thankfully, he got his party-buddy back and their debauchery continued! (Just now with Barbatos following them around sometimes like he’s trying to gather state secrets... It’s an impossible task but he hasn’t given up yet, bless his black heart.)

Beelzebub

He isn't much bothered by their carefree nature, at least they seem to be having fun with his family which he appreciates. 🙂

To be honest, though, he nearly ate them when they first met because they smell like freshly peeled grapes… and for good reason.

By their third day at the House they had (somehow) planted and cultivated a full on vineyard in the courtyard. Hell, the wall growing to their bedroom balcony was covered in grapevines!! Always ripe and completely healthy in defiance of the lack of sun... Whatever magic they used was strong.

And, of course, their grapes were also delicious! Easily among the best fruits he's ever tasted! Every cluster is ridiculously plump, juicy, and sweet like little droplets of pure Heaven… 🤤

When their fruit first ripened, the MC came out with a basket to collect some only to find Beel had gouged himself on over half of their crop!!!

… which may have been why he got snared up on one of the courtyard walls by pissed off grapevines... Even with all his strength, he couldn't break through them and had to wait for Lucifer to cut him down… 😔 

From then on, Beel was pretty much the pesky rabbit to the MC's harvest. They had to set up traps and magical barriers to keep him from their precious grapes…!! Which inevitably meant one of his brothers had to come rescue him from their furious vines at least once a week... 🙄

SOMETIMES, the MC will bring him along to help harvest with them with the deal that he can have an extra basket for however many he helps them pick. But the second he takes a bite he shouldn't, it’s back on the wall!

Out of the vineyard, they're nice enough. But put some grapes between these two and they're mortal enemies… STOP messing with their plants, Beel!! 😤

Belphegor 

So… this drunken fool is supposed to get him out of the attic? Never mind, this is never going to work…

He was SEVERELY underwhelmed when the "human" finally made it up the steps. This was who they decided to bring for their exchange program? They seemed like they could barely stand!

Naturally, he figured all the better for him. They probably wouldn't even last that long! 

Some poor, incompetent human falling victim to a demon out there? Diavolo's reputation would in tatters and he wouldn't even have to lift a finger! (His favorite way of doing things really 😌).

But… they just kept coming back? Like. Nothing was killing them….! How guarded were they keeping this moron?? 

Or… maybe it was something else?

Sure, the MC seemed like a drunken idiot but there were times when he'd swear that they were just… too aware to be sloshed…

MC: *suddenly stops smiling at him mid-conversation and looks him in the eye* You tilt your head when you lie. You know that?

How can someone so cheerful ALSO be so unnerving…?

So really, he should have seen their sudden heel-turn after they opened the door coming. There he was, fully intending to take them by surprise and choke them after a hug…

...and they knocked him down, climbed onto his back like a spider monkey, and rode him around like a bucking bull using his horns like handlebars!!

It wouldn’t have been AS humiliating if they didn’t also keep shouting things like "Giddiyap!" And "Yee-haw!!"

It took him a whole month to be sure that any and all footage of that nightmare was erased and he STILL hates the MC quite a bit for it…. But he's too scared to attack them now, so…

The lesson here? It's not a fair fight when one side’s crazy... 😔😒