#i remember one time i was reblogging art of him to make myself feel better bc i had a bad day at work

[paparoach]

remembering when swsh came out and seeing people hate piers for no reason <3

[jovieinramshackle]

Oh my god 2025 ummm what the fuck amirite (it's not even for me yet it's over 10pm)

Okay so um hi hey hello. What a year huh (at least for me). So wild I transed my whole gender like damn the she/her to he/him pipeline was so real but ANYWAYS

I already said quite a bit during Christmas here but I would be lying if I said I didn't have a million more things to say. Even more to some certain mutuals/friends that have really been nothing but kind to me. Some old ones, some recent ones, I can't list everyone but I genuinely just appreciate any amount of support and love, big or small.

I've been thinking about whether I should directly say a few things to some mutuals/friends for a while (and I already have to some, but I don't mind repeating myself lol), but I think New Year's is the perfect chance to do so.

Apologies for the tagging in advance SUDISAHFIUHISDE

-

@crystallizsch I have already expressed to you how much I appreciate and grateful I am to you for encouraging me to make this blog, way before we had ever even interacted. I love you a lot buddy, you're absolutely the best<3

@oya-oya-okay OYAAA OYA OYAAA!!! I love you sm my darling friend, your kind words and support have genuinely been some of the biggest reasons I pushed through this year. I know the latter part of this year has been really hard for you, but I want you to know you have my support for whatever you need <3

@viperbunnies YOU HAVE MADE ME SOBBED SM ESPECIALLY WITH YOUR GIFTS. I sometimes go back to see your art of my persona or my oc just to make myself feel a little better. Ty for making me feel part of this amazing community (PS. I still get shroompocalypse war flashbacks/j) <3

@fell-e We have mostly chatted on Discord recently and legit you're one of the funniest and nicest people I've had the pleasure of talking to! I can't wait to interact more in 2025, you're such a nice person to be around <3

@lficanthaveloveiwantpower Hi Nah! We don't interact really one-on-one, but the kind words you've given me have always made me smile. You're one of the biggest reasons I got comfortable with openly self-shipping and sharing my thoughts about my f/os. And don't even let me mention how much joy your art has given me, you're seriously one of the best artists I've had the pleasure of being mutuals with <3

@theolivetree123 I'm a sucker for your ocs I won't even lie they're always so creative and fun! Still remember the time you asked to be mutuals and I just DIE/pos. It really was a pleasant surprise and I look forward to every post you make, whether it's art or just talking about your ocs and dynamics! You're extremely creative you genuinely inspire me a lot <3

@sunnysidesevenup I KNNNNOOOOWWWW we became moots pretty recently but like. You're so cool dude wtf. Legit freaked out when YOU followed ME first. I got cold feet about following you back for a while ahaha.....but I'm so happy I did you're such a fun dude I love your creations so much too (low-key biased towards Tilly...I love him sm and for what...)

@jadelover69 MIMI YOU ARE SO FUN, JUST SOO FUN TO INTERACT WITH YOUR WHOLE ENERGY IS SOOO SDUBHDSJNAGISBSJDH/POS your reblogs always make me giggle, even if it's just you straight up dying <3 Tysm for showing so much love for my creations, it means the absolute world

@summerspook You madman. I can't believe we've been friends for almost 2 years online. You have helped me through so much stuff, sometimes I even felt guilty about it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being one of my bestest friends, talking to you is one of the main things I look forward to every day, I can't express how much appreciate you and our friendship <3

-

OKAY THIS IS ALL FOR NOW there are more of you but I can't articulate my thoughts and feelings the best, but either way I love and appreciate all of you with all my heart.

New Year's has slowly lost its meaning for me (I'm neutral about it) but at least I get to use it to show my application to the people who have been with me this year, mutual or not tbh <3

Also if you wanna say something back but not publically, dms are open for mutuals <3

[defira85]

FIC WRITING REVIEW 2024

Thank you to @iapetusneume for tagging me!

Rules: Feel free to show whatever stats you have. Only want to show Ao3 stats? Rock on. Want to include some qualitative info instead of stats? Please do this. Want to change how yours is presented? Absolutely do that. Would rather eat glass than do this? Please don’t eat glass but don’t feel like you have to do this either. Artists and gif makers, please also join in with any quantitative or qualitative stats or facts you want to share about your year.

Words and Fics

6 fics published

411, 630 words (yeah baby we're BACK)

Top 3 Pairings Relationships

The Dark Urge/Enver Gortash

Gale Dekarios/Female!Tav

on a technicality for having the most chapters written about them in a multi-character fic, Astarion Ancunin/Female!Tav which I am a little annoyed at myself for. That boy has plenty of fics about him, I need to do better

Top 5 by Comments

Keep Telling Me To Breathe (177 threads, 376 total)

A Heart As Cold As Ice (68 threads, 127 total)

(And So) My Heart Became a Void (58 threads, 113 total)

Not All That Glitters (37 threads, 78 total)

A Girl Called Midnight (10 threads, 20 total)

Top 5 by Kudos

Keep Telling Me To Breathe (270)

A Heart As Cold As Ice (71)

Not All That Glitters (49)

I Love You, Franc (34)

(And So) My Heart Became a Void (30) TIED WITH:

A Girl Called Midnight (30)

Top 5 by Hits

Keep Telling Me To Breathe (6851)

A Heart As Cold As Ice (1257)

Not All That Glitters (807)

(And So) My Heart Became a Void (739)

I Love You, Franc (219)

KTMTB really is the monster outlier fic huh. It's my Spiders Georg

Fandom Events in 2024

Gortash Week July 2024 - what an absolute blast this was. So much good stuff that week! Excellent fics! Amazing art! Great edits! Good good friends! I had so much fun with this week AND managed to post my first three entries while undergoing a monstrous day of travel from Alaska to Vancouver to Brisbane and then home.

Gortoween 2024 - My plans for fic didn't pan out BUT I did post one of my first ever big art projects, reimagining Gortash and my Durge Kassara in the movie Constantine

BG3 Villianmas - Another event where I tried my hand at art instead of writing! I threw together four pieces in total for the Villain Christmas prompts, and to the surprise of nobody it was all Gortash art

BG3 Winter Big Bang - This one is in progress, but I signed up last year and I had my first check in a few weeks ago. I'm being overly ambitious and attempting fic AND art, we'll see how much that shoots me in the foot haha

Writing Reflection

I rediscovered myself this last year thanks to BG3. I really do feel like I was in a creative coma for four years which, valid, life has been incredibly traumatic as a health care worker since 2020 for obvious reasons. And not just writing but learning how to be an artist as well!

It's not just that I rediscovered HOW to write again and found my motivation, but I fell in love with the act of being creativity and the joy of writing, and more than that, I fell in love with fandom as a community again. Making new friends, being brave enough to message people. Persevering with posting even when it felt like I was talking to the void in the early days (we've all talked a lot about how fandom has changed so I won't rehash it here) and trying to help shut that void up for other people.

I'd like to have time to read more fics in 2025, and continue to engage in community. It's been incredibly invigorating taking part in events again, I haven't done it in over a decade and I'm just so delighted by it

I want to do the Friday Reviews thing that I reblogged earlier, and uplift more writers. I want to do more art, learn how to do actual lineart instead of painting everything because it takes so fucking long. And I hope to bring a little bit of joy and excitement to others that the last year has brought to me

Tagging @flamemittens @elinorbard (did you already do this one? I can't remember) @chronurgy @sankttealeaf and anyone else who feels confident enough to share their stats with the class! Be brave!

[mxlktxa]

shes the one pt. II

part l part lll

┊͙ ˘͈ᵕ˘͈

pairing; obsessive!ellie williams x f!reader

t/w; language, 18+ content/scenarios, obsessive behavior

a/n; i had some ppl asking for a pt2 (which is a huge compliment to me so thank you 🤎) i almost didnt cause i was scared it wouldnt be as good but here it is… enjoyyy ☺️

part l

┊͙ ˘͈ᵕ˘͈

I could never see myself being taken care of by an absolute piece of art. A sweet, innocent girl in a fucked up world… Taking care or me? What a blessing. What would I do without her? She’s all that anyone could ever ask for. All that I alone could ever ask for.

“Ellie?” there it is. My favorite sound, the sound I wished to always hear, no matter where I went. The same sound that made my heart skip a beat, palms sweaty, and mind race like crazy. She’s like an immediate boost of adrenaline and I loved it.

My eyes shifted over to her as she stood in the bedroom doorway, remembering that I was sat on her bed in her home. Her oh-so-lovely home.

Subtly, I glanced over her body for a bit, occasionally stopping to stare at her hips. She was in some rather cute pajamas, though it threw me off a bit as to how she could ever wear shorts if it’s cold inside and outside of her home. No matter. As long as I got to see her in almost all her glory.

“You feeling better? How’s your head? Do you need anything?”

Just for you to slip out of those clothes and give me a chance to hear your cries, “I’m good, thanks,” you’re absolutely stunning, damn it.

“Oh, good,” her smile lit up the room. It could blind people if she really wanted it to but never me. It only ever made me melt, internally screaming at how a masterpiece like her could ever run my life with simple actions.

Her legs carried her over to the bed, propping herself behind me, on her knees in order to begin gently massaging my shoulders. Fuck, she’s so precious and those hands were just fascinating to feel.

“Joel came by after I brought you back and you fell asleep. Just wanted to check up on you and make sure you were okay.”

“What’d you tell him?”

“That you didn’t have any serious injuries and you should take it easy,” she whispered in my ear, chin resting on my shoulder, and hands sliding down to my waist, “and dont be mad. But I told Maria and she said you’ll be in my care until further notice.”

Why would I be mad at you for allowing me to spend time with you? You’re only granting me the time to try get you stuck on me just like I am to you. To have you close to me. To have you loving, pulling, touching and possibly fucking me.

“Why would I be upset about that?”

She sat in silence, shrugging, arms crossing at my abdomen to give me a nice, tight hug. A grin slid upon my face, mind going on a frenzy of multiple fantasies. This girl would be mine. This woman would go fucking crazy if she ever found out how much I admired her. I know it.

“I’ll run you a shower. You can get washed up then we can have some dinner together,” this divine celestial backed away from me, scooting off the bed to shuffle over to her dresser, revealing some clothes she had taken from my humble abode.

Why did you have to be my only source of happiness? Were you anybody else’s? Would you forever devote your life to me as I do so for you already?

How do I make you mine?

┊͙ ˘͈ᵕ˘͈

if youd like to see a pt3 to this feel free to reblog and/or comment and let me know 🤎✨

a/n; pt 3 is up enjoy ☺️

┊͙ ˘͈ᵕ˘͈

[unculturedswine69]

Introduction! (2024)☆

Its about time to re introduce myself, since i made my first introduction post in 2021,ive been editing it as ive been going along but honestly i would just feel better making a new one now!

First of all, if you want links to accounts on other websites,or you wanted more info on commissions, OR you just wanna see a full list of my interests...Click on my carrd link! (bottom of the post)

Intro starts NOW!☆

AGE: 19 (8th may)

NAME: Ali, Paris, Sheetz, honestly you can just call me whatever! But Ali is preferred these days :)

PRONOUNS: He/Him + They/them, you can use either of those but currently i prefer He/him!

LIKES: Anime,Manga,Games,Art,Cosplay,Otome games, Etc. to list some things im currently into right now ~ Gintama, The muppets, Jerma985, 18trip, A3! ,Fullmetal alchemist: Brotherhood and Digimon adventure! i rotate my interests around alot, please check out my carrd to see more :)

DISLIKES AND DNI: Proshippers, Racists, Homophobes, anyone like that! i understand you probably wont listen to me anyways but i still want nothing to do with people like that ^^

EXTRA INFORMATION ☆

This is my main blog! ill mostly be spamming random fandom related things, sometimes i might reblog a post that might be a bit nsfw somehow (nothing explicit, just dirty jokes and the like) but i advise minors to be wary!!! i also just want to say that i dont want to be close with minors, we can chat occasionally but i dont think its appropriate to do anything more than that! ^^ and also remember that regardless of your age you should be polite and responsible on the internet! (said by the stupidest person on here (me))

im a digital artist who mainly focuses on my OCs while sometimes drawing Fanart, i also open up Commissions every once in a while,id like to do this as an actual job sometime in the future instead of just doing it for fun!

i love to discuss art with others and i also love to hear feedback and and talk about stuff like that in general, art is basically my only hobby so i have alot to talk about ^^ feel free to chat with me about it! i also dont discriminate against beginners or anyone who does art differently from me, so dont be afraid to show off your own art :) everyone is welcome here!

Im neurodivergent, Im diagnosed with Autism! which might not be important to some but for me i have a really hard time talking with others and expressing myself properly so id prefer if people knew that i had difficulty with things first,as to not have any misunderstandings ^^ i hyperfixate on things alot too, and i tend to project all these things onto characters i like.

i have mental health issues, this can mean that sometimes i dont come online for months or it can also mean i will fixate on spamming ,so my activity on this site is a little weird.please dont take me ghosting you personally!! i try to respond to everyone, im just going through some stuff <3

relating to my art and interests: im a oc x canon artist too, i make lots of ocs for my oshis and also self inserts, im OK with doubles (the same goes for Kins too!)

OH ALSO. im super bad at spelling and grammar and all that . sorry if it gives you a hard time when your reading through my stuff </333333

tldr: im just a silly guy on the internet, feel free to come chat with me! i love making friends!!!

My art account is @sheetzking its a little empty right now, but ill be uploading alot soon~☆

Thank you for reading my new intro!

[noriko04]

Tagged by @eternal-echoes (ty ^^)

1) The last Podcast you listened to? with reasons.

some months ago I listened to a podcast about the damaging effects of mouth breathing . Maybe for those who never heard about it this may seem... both weird and boring but as a teen I discovered I have this subconscious habit and even though I now mostly fixed this issue I sometimes still have some interest in informing myself more deeply about it.

2) what was the last fanfic you read? What did you like about it?

Oh boy, it's been a while since the last time I've read a fanfiction. It was one year ago, roughly, and it was about Hakuoki (I think it's easy to infer that this series is my current fixation XD). I think there was some angst involved though I don't remember well. And the way feelings were described... Amazing. Very beautiful, there a lot of very talented artists in that fandom.

3) You favorite discord server?

I don't have a discord actually and I don't feel the urge of making an account for it at the moment. Maybe in the future I'll do.

4) open Pinterest and show the first think it recommends you!

ok :)

kitty, some nature pictures and Hakuoki related stuff (beautiful fan art btw). Yup, undeniably my account

5) If your comfortable, show me something from your notes app!

Uhmmm.... I use my notes app mainly to write down passwordS, pins and other personal information so I'll pass on that (I know this is probably not the best way to store this stuff. I'll organize myself better... Once I'll overcome my laziness lmao).

6) Show us who you last gave a like on Tumblr! And why?

Link: https://www.tumblr.com/myrcellathemarred/109213275952?source=share

I love this so much so I think I'll reblog it too. There are times where I feel in the mood for spam reblogging/spam liking old posts about HIM and this is the period. And by HIM I mean Okita Souji from Hakuoki.

For those who don't know him... well you can see that he can be very unhinged. But he is at the same super sweet once you get to know him in the game (in the anime too, but in the visual novel he's explored more deeply) . He is very complex and I can say with convinction that he has occupied a very special place in my heart <3.

I wonder if I'll ever get cured by my Souji-addiction (but frankly, I don't event want to be :) )

7) Show us a picture that's in your galary that you are proud off/like/are comfortable sharing.

I think I'll pass on that too. Most of the stuff in my gallery are boring screenshots. I have personal photos too but I'm not comfortable sharing them here.

8) final question, what was the last YouTube video you watched?

Tarot card reading based on my zodiac sign lol. I'm not sure I fully believe in this stuff but I still find it interesting.

I don't know if everyone feels like participating in this so as usual no pressure. Tagging: @krisomela, @flowerynameslover, @himiko-omikami, @nuriakendo, @riveroflonging, @mydemonsandme

If I forgot some people on this list who want to participate feel free to tell me and I'll tag you as well.

[dedisgone]

Hey hey!!

it's about time i got an introductory post up-

but hello! my name's Ded, but I've also got Tavi or Lasagna!

i use he/him pronouns, am on and off in activity, and simply am a silly little guy! i love hlvrai, half life, hl adjacent media, hermitcraft, traffic/life smp, and a lot of other things!

i draw!! and my commissions are open!! check it out here if you're interested :D my inbox is open! i also take ask requests! more on this at the end

(check out below the cut!!)

some things about me!!

i AM a minor. yes, i make suggestive jokes, and yes, i don't mind hearing them. HOWEVER! i will not do any sort of explicitly nsfw content. do not send it to me, do not ask me to draw it, that's final. jokes are where i draw the line.

i have trouble telling tone! you may see me put tone tags with my posts, or if you're talking to me directly. i don't mind abbreviated or full tagging, as i myself use both

i can be very shy at first, but i really do love talking to people! please, don't be scared to reach out to me. you can find me as DedIsGone or dedisgone on just about anything! (especially discord! come say hi!)

BASIC DNI CRITERIA APPLIES!!!

do not be racist, homophobic, transphobic, ableist, xenophobic, bring up proshipping or ANYTHING of the sort on my page!! no one wants to hear any of that.

i do ask that if you're below 13, please stay off my page. honestly, you shouldn't even be on here in the first place.

TAGS: (i talk in my tags so... bear with me)

i tag cws and tws as both #[trigger] and #tw [trigger] or #cw [content warning]

deds little goobers - my ocs! i love them to death, they typically will be the primary focus of my art (i think?)

talks from the grave - text posts! i just thought it'd be silly :3

suggestive - anything of a suggestive joke or such. i'm pretty bad at using these, so do send me a message or ask to let me know if i need to correct smth!

ded draws - anything regarding my art! just in case you want to filter out the sheer amount of reblogs on here LMAO

there's some smaller ones, such as Empires of Venom, Lavender Crystals, Dead Bush, The Hunted: Path of Grit, etc. these are for my oc storylines, and you'll be able to find them! eventually i'll make a master post with them, but not atm

INBOX/ASK INFORMATION:

feel free to send asks to get to know me better!! theres only so much i can remember to put in an intro post :/

i also do requests! usually this'll be in the form of silly doodles, rather than complete drawings, but you never know! OC requests or questions will take priority, but stuff about my fandoms are totally up for grabs!! :3

like i mentioned above, PLEASE!! i heavily encourage oc interactions/questions!! im so normal about them.

again, nothing nsfw, do not ask about it. but other than that, have fun!!!

[em0tionl0rd]

Dear friends,

For anyone who has been a long-time follower or hasn't heard from me in a long time, years even, or has ever wondered/worried about me, this is for you:

The past few years have folded over like an accordion for me. A lot of horrible/terrible things have happened. And my memory is no longer what it used to be. My mind seems to naturally cope with trauma and any negative interactions by locking them away deep within it's confines. Despite this, I always try to stay positive, because I know nobody likes to hear about bad things because it only makes them feel bad. Worse, they feel bad for me, and I don't need need people's sympathy. I just need time to heal, and that's what I have been doing; Taking my time. Previous post on the matter.

It was just One thing after Another, for Years, and my mind's trauma response was to simply cope and continue to endure helplessly instead of push myself away from the situation I was in. You can really see this with my lack of activity on here through my Archive. (not including my art side-blog since I tend to just mass dump whatever art and doodles I've accumulated over there). I was active on Twitter for a bit during Tumblrs downturn, but then Twitter changed. I nuked my art account over there. It's empty. All the posts I made to nobody about my characters and headworld, gone. All because I didn't want my art and ideas stolen and used for Al training.

My main Twitter remains active. I just use it to reblog art now and casually tweet about stuff. Initially I used Twitter to follow content creators, but as my timeline got cluttered, I made alts to follow specific topics. I started using my main to follow news and current issues, and my art account to follow artists and content creators, which I still do, but I retweet to my main only. Then all my art likes stay on my art account and don't comingle with political issues.

I was going to work, and while I would work, I just kept thinking, non-stop. Thinking about all the bad things. Failing to distract myself with my own characters and my story universe. Unintentionally over-sharing with coworkers because at some point in my life I learned how to cope with my anxiety by talking, and talking, and talking.. Unintentionally forming bonds with people I should have never associated with because I felt so desperate for real human interaction other than what I imagined in my head. Something other than my daemons, my conscience, my delusions. The swirling thoughts, the nightmares, the dreams that haunted me just as much as my reality.

Every week, for years, I was experiencing these nightmares. Something would manifest in my room. I could sense it was there. I couldn't escape it. Even if I went to bed and tried my best not to think about it, it would get me. It enjoyed tormenting me.

I started to stay up later and later, fearing laying bed and being prone to this unseen entity. Hoping that depriving myself of sleep would help me fall asleep faster and whisk me away to the sanctity of dreams, but even then, I wasn't safe. If I ever overslept, or didn't do enough to make myself tired before bed, it would find me. If it was merely psychosis, I couldn't tell, because it felt so real.

Eventually, after everything I went through with my ex, things changed for the better, when it came to sleep at least. There was no longer a shadowy presence standing there, grinning at me feet from my bed, or watching me at my desk, waiting for me to go to bed. Instead, there were actual hallucinations. Sleep depravation had taken it's toll on me. My ex had kept me awake many, many nights during my workweek, and forced me to drink with him, or made noise that kept me awake because he would stay up all night.

I distinctly remember watching these long brown withered fingers reaching out of the utility closet in the bedroom while we were both sleeping, and shaking the door violently as if it were trying to get out/in. My eyes were open just enough while I was asleep for this to fully wake me up and scare me. I remember turning over to my ex whimpering and he didn't even care..

Then when he was finally gone (for good), I continued to hallucinate. I had gotten into such a habit of staying up, on top of my uncomfortable sleeping situation due to work related physical pain (among other things), that I started seeing full-body characters dancing in my doorframe. This was completely new to me because before, it was less of a visual hallucination and more like THERE IS A GHOST RIGHT THERE, and now it was more like my eyes were legit not working properly. I just remember staring at my door and seeing all the Digimon characters, full color and everything, dancing and moving around like my eyes were projecting a perfect recreation of them.

I noticed in the past that if I binged a certain amount of content, my eyes would start generating new versions of what I was looking at whenever I closed my eyes. Like my brain could take all this information and create something completely unique and original, which amazed me. For example, whenever I would browse Deviantart and look at character designs or dragons or something, I would close my eyes and every time I closed my eyes I would see a completely new and unique fleshed out design in full color. The downside was that they were usually too detailed for me to do justice in drawing.

I also just see ever-changing generic psychedelic patterns and colorful concentric waves at the edges of my vision. The only time I ever see these properly with my eyes fully open is if I'm staring at the ceiling or the grass or if I press my arm against my eyes. Then there was the one time I was flying out of LA and had taken a 1g thc tab while sleep deprived and noticed a little blob of rainbows in the plane window after take-off. (my ex pushed alcohol and weed on me really hard despite me not wanting anything to do with it bc i don't need it)

So anyway, I had binge watched Digimon Adventure and was now seeing all of the characters in my bedroom door. That was a new one for me. Before I would just stare at the cottage cheese patterned ceiling and try to make out characters in the bumps. I did this my whole life as I had the same ceiling as a kid at my childhood home.

I went back and watched Digimon because I never really got to watch it as a kid and had vague memories of it being overly-dramatic (I was like maybe 4-5) and My Gosh that show goes hard for a kids show. Completely unrelated to my rambling but I wish more kids shows were comfortable tackling such hard-hitting issues, my gosh. Modern media is too soft and probably sets a bad example of reality. (my dad let me watch gory horror movies, rated r flicks, and explicit 90s anime as a kid so who am i to talk)

Before my ex and around the time the nightmares started, I started having surreal auditory hallucinations while half awake. I remember waking up to a small black geometric object floating above my face with blue lines running across it's surface. I was in the thralls of sleep paralysis and felt like it was just floating there above my face watching me. Another time, while my niece was over, I remember hearing something at the top of my stairs, clawing at the carpet and growling at me. For context, I was living in my mom's attic. It was relatively small, with low ceiling, and carpeted.

This thing that was growling at me and snarling genuinely worried me because my niece started developing very strange behavioral issues around this time, but I won't get into that here. I don't think people want to hear my supernatural/paranormal psychology ramblings. I'm just happy that after talking to my mom about it my niece is getting some much needed help. I was so worried that I remember breaking down and crying over it at work.

I felt like something was attached to my niece, and that thing was sort of a manifestation of that that only I could hear while I was half awake. Before it climbed the stairs and started growling, I distictly remember hearing it mimicking my nieces laughter (she was just a baby). And the way it dug it's claws into the carpet and growled, this guttural snarl, I couldn't tell what it was. It felt inhuman.

Around this time, because I was so isolated, and generally miserable, all the research I had been doing into various paranormal and metaphysical phenomena had taken a detrimental toll on my mental health. As you can clearly tell from all of this rambling about things unseen. I started believing that lizard people were real and lived on Saturn. Yes, because I read it on someone's blog. And because of that, I started to be attacked in my sleep by what I can only describe as something reptilian in nature. It somehow had the ability to appear before me and put me into sleep paralysis, pick me up, and send me to the shadow realm (or at least that's what it felt like) where it would claw and bite and do unspeakable things to me while I was unable to move or fight back or even scream.

These experiences carried over after my mom kicked me out. They followed me to my apartment, and they stuck with me for a majority of the time I was with my ex. Part of me really hoped that living with a real living breathing human being would help me out of my psychosis, but that was kind of hard given that he was an actual sociopath and psycho himself. I had no grounding in reality other than work. Work started feeling like an escape. And talking with coworkers even more-so.

For context, my mom did nothing to help. Both of my parents have mental health issues, and I don't want to talk about it. I'm saving that for my biography. My mom kicked me out because the internship program she forced me into in 2018-2019 didn't get me employed right away, so I ended up living with a social worker for a short while who was also a pet foster. It was a bit chaotic with all the animals but I was able to get a job and my own place and get away from my mom which was good. Also my mom was drinking when she decided to come upstairs and lecture me (again) for 2+ hours about how useless I was.

As you can tell, there was already plenty of fuel on the fire for my mental health issues to spiral out of control. I started to neglect my art, my characters, my story, my wellbeing. Yet I somehow managed to keep it together, for the most part. Enough to be employable and push myself to socialize more at work and be personable and friendly. It helps to be overly self-conscious of how I come off to people due to being bullied throughout HS for being "weird"..

I felt like I peaked in 2014-2015 while I was still in Highschool and spent most of my time outside of school hanging out with friends in Minecraft servers. I was having so much fun despite my circumstances, but then the balance shifted in a really bad direction. At one point I was even living with my grandma in an even worse situation back in 2017 just because I was that desperate to get away from my mom.

While in my internship program I realized how freeing it was to be out in the city during the day while taking the bus to work. I was far away from home back in that small farm town and got to spend time at the mall every day which was cool. I got to see the city in fall and winter and it translated well into living on my own bc I had already familiarized myself with the bus routes enough to continue using them when I got another job. I also used them when I was with my ex to get out. Other than that I biked to work. More on that later.

And during my downtime in this program I spent so much time drawing. It was like being back in class in Highschool and sitting at my desk and doodling while the teacher was talking. (it was literally the same) Other than that, I spent most of my time on my laptop doing whatever I could to distract myself from my current situation out of habit. I'd draw digitally, but I struggled to motivate myself to do anything useful with it.

For a long time I relied on Youtube and social media as an escape and a distraction from my problems. Frequently venting to friends online. Paragraph after paragraph. Driving them crazy. Even driving people away. I just didn't know what to do because I felt so helpless. I even became active in the local metaphysical community. I took classes and became a certified psychic (not kidding). I met and attended classes with a paranormal psychologist. And I hung out with a wizard. (RIP)

Needless to say, I think metaphysics and spirituality are bunk at this point. I only see value in maybe paranormal psychology, because at the end of the day, it is literally all in our heads, even if our heads are literally a window into another world sometimes (even if said other world is just dreams and imagination). Taking a huge step back from my interest in the paranormal genuinely helped me heal and become better about handling myself, where I was no longer letting illusory entities harass me in my sleep.

I remember sitting in bed that fateful night and just saying in my head to myself, "This is all in my head and I am the one in control". Then I never got attacked again. Something I didn't mention throughout this whole spiel was that I had an imaginary friend and I frequently imagined myself doing the dirty with said imaginary friend (who is also a character of mine). The "attacks" were simply an escalation of all the kinky shit in my head and all the bullshit alien conspiracies I had been immersing myself in. I had let myself get to a point where I genuinely believed that something else was controlling me outside of myself. Very not mentally healthy if you ask me.

Near the end I remember having to make sure my bedroom door and closet doors were closed, and to cover my eyes and ears with something just to prevent them from playing tricks on me while I slept.

Anyways, lucid dreams, daydreams, OBEs, and sleep paralysis had become normalized to me at a young age. I frequently dreamed about flying and imagining characters in my head. It genuinely became an escape and coping mechanism for me, especially with the creation of an imaginary friend as a teenager because I struggled to make real meaningful friends. Changing schools several times didn't help that of course. I still experience these things and still enjoy them but don't take them as seriously anymore, but they're still fun, even addicting at times. I feel like the human mind is an endlessly deep pool that continues to amaze me at times.

As for my ex boyfriend, god.. It was like dating Murdoc irl, but somehow worse, and sadder. I wanted that Stockholm Syndrome abusive boyfriend relationship sooo badly. Like I felt I needed to be punished for being such an outcast. He Almost killed me. Aside from the few bicycle accidents on the way to work, I think what he did will leave me limping and struggling to walk for the rest of my life.

Also fuck the creep I met at my last job. Holy shit, now that guy was Literally insane. I genuinely hope his kid will be okay. (why the fuck does he have a child holy shit)

Lastly, I am doing better. At least I think I am. It's hard to tell. I'm just happy to be drawing again and enjoying it. After all the BS I went through over the past few years, I actually got pretty rusty so a lot of what I'm drawing might get dumped on my art blog, but in the meantime, I'm just happy I'm posting art and people are enjoying it as much as I do. I haven't felt this stable about my art in a long time. Getting out of that apartment and away from the city and all of those negative memories weighing me down was a huge step in the right direction.

If you read all of this for whatever reason, good for you. Have a gold star. Lemme know if you would read my biography. I have plenty more fucked up stories where these came from, and this is just incoherent rambling that skips most of the awful details.

[noxiatoxia]

Hi! So I have a few things I wanted to say/ask so hopefully this isn't too long or out of place or anything

Okay so first off, you always reblog and say such nice things about my art in the tags and I wanted to say I appreciate it so much, I never know what to say but like you're the backbone of the hikakao community so it feels like a seal of approval in a way haha. And your art is so amazing like, damn! I love it sm. Kaoru has been my fav character for nearly a decade so I love seeing that its not just me he has a grip on, and as an autistic person myself who loves princesses’ and specifically Cinderella… well your hc means a lot to me haha. Oh and your hanahaki fic??? I ugly cried. SO damn good like the characterizations… one of the best Hikakao fics I've read on god

So I kinda wanted to ask two things, first being if you had to choose for the other hosts to have a fav princess who would it be? Im personally very partial to Tamaki loving Belle, given the like french beauty and romanticism of it all, plus her giving herself up for the safety of a parent connection. I like the idea of him being kinda dumb and taking it as you need natural inner AND outer beauty, which he oh so obviously has in spades and that kind of nonsense. Idk I was just curious if you'd have an opinion on this as ive been giving it some thought lately. Especially on Hikaru, I think he would like a more down to earth princess that doesn't have too much frills or singing in the film, like Merida because it's the most adventurous one without character songs if you're just going off disney. But idk I feel like another princess would suit him better, I just can't think of one rn

Second was if you had any thoughts or analysis of how the maid the twins had when they were young impacted them and their development? And more importantly how it impacted them each differently? Like obviously her saying no one may ever be able to tell them apart fucked with their heads, but like idk. Ive been thinking about it. And what if they never met her, and she never said that? Would they of been less warped? I think they'd just meet someone else who they liked who couldn't tell them apart, who'd just say the same thing in a different way. But how key was her betrayal of trust during a high stakes robbery of their parent's estate to all this? Im just musing at this point lmao

Oh also less an ask but I personally hc Kaoru to dissociate and the like frequently, and how maybe them being in sync all the time in their mannerisms really helps him with his autopilot moments, and Hikaru is always ready and able to catch him up to speed on what's happening and what they just did, if its something he would care to know that is. And I hc Hikaru as bipolar, his depression just manifests really angerly instead of traditional sadness. But my point is I love the idea that they're just so used to the other that any mentally ill or neurodivergent behavior one of them does the others just like “Oh yeah Kaorus just like that. You know how it is. What do you mean you don't know anyone afraid of hairdryers? Like legit afraid? Yeah no thats just a thing. Hmm. Well you should get over it it's his fear not yours I dont see how it concerns you.” and like gets defensive if anyone tries to say it's weird lmao

Okay that was long oops I hope this wasn't out of place or weird or anything, I got excited talking about it haha. Hope all is going well!!

THIS IS SO FUCKING SWEET YES!!! I WAS DRAWING HIKAKAO RIGHT AS YOU SENT THIS ASK TOO BTW.... i was htinking like, should i post this... theres kissing..... but then i remember why it's so rewarding to do what I love <3 really and truly. I've met SO many incredibly kind, creative, and thoughtful people through hikakao it's insane. And tbh it makes me want to never stop posting about them even if it nets me hate every now and again LMAO it's just, stuff like this is irreplaceable to me. And I LOVE your art!!!!!! It's SO cute... the picture of Kaoru dressed as cinderella made me legit scream. I sent it to all my friends and showed it to my brother haha. The whole Kaoru/Cinderella headcanon is very personal to me as you can probably gather from my carriage posting. so whenever I see it I go nuts (in a good way. it not destructive).

I think it's very funny (in a good way) that you already had a special interest in princesses, esp Cinderella. For me, it's like...I can NOT look at anything Cinderella related normally anymore because I'm reminded of the carriage allegory, and yet we have Cinderella movie nights every thursday now because of me...I describe my relationship with Cinderella as "stockholm syndrome" because i legit didn't care about or really even know Cinderella before all this went down, but now she is my Worst Enemy but Best Friend and if anybody says Cinderella is mid I'm blowing up another hostage.

Also!!! Thank you so much about the fic!!! While looking back I feel like there are def things I could improve on, I do really like that fic. As somebody who's personally arospec, I have trouble writing the "feelings" of romance so I tried my best. I have other Hikakao adjacent stories I'm writing and I wanna post them here!!!

Okay, onto the questions...firstly, YES, Tamaki DOES seem like the type to love Belle. He may also enjoy Rapunzel and her whole being held captive her whole life because maybe he feels the same way with his own family situation. Haruhi strikes me as a little mermaid type, no real reason, I just get that vibe. Although Kyoya probably relates to the original fairytale of the little mermaid in some ways for sure. I actually HC Mori's favorite movie is Beauty and the Beast, so he's probably also really into Belle. As for Hani, I'm not sure...Giselle, maybe. He likes her whimsy.

Hikaru is interesting, because I feel like he's like Me in which he HATES Cinderella because he has to hear about it 24/7 but if ANYBODY said anything mean about cinderella he'd be like...you bitch...you take that BACK. Altho I have this headcanon that Hikaru's favorite princess is Alice from Alice in Wonderland (tho she really isn't a "princess") because he always liked that movie better. Kaoru would cry as a kid tho when Hikaru said he thought that movie was better so he pretended to like Cinderella more. But he doesn't. Merida tho...that's a very good choice, I can defff seeing Hikaru being a big Merida fan.

So, to the second question: it's very interesting! What stood out about that maid to Hikaru and Kaoru was the fact she was mean to them. being raised as rich and "better" than everyone else, all the maids HAD to be nice or they got fired pretty much, so to see a maid go against that status quo, to treat them honestly...that's why they liked her so much.

If anyone else had said "nobody will be able to tell you two apart", would it have hurt? sure. But it wouldn't be devastating, because they likely wouldn't care about that person's opinion. but they liked this maid, they looked up to her in a weird way. Having somebody you like and trust tell you something hurtful is way more harmful than if a stranger did it.

Now...would they be LESS twisted if it never happened? I doubt it. I mean, maybe they'd be LESS focused on looking identical, but they would still be rather cruel and mischievous, because that's how they were simply raised: they were raised being taught their actions have no consequences, because they're better than everyone else. Simple by being "Hitachiins", they had a pass to do all sorts of nasty shit to people because they were rich and powerful. Besides, canonically, their mom & dad were barely in their lives, and child neglect causes the children to act out to get attention, usually via things that would get them scolded. So, while they miiight not have been AS keen on matching had that maid never said what she did before leaving them forever, they would probably be just as mean and cruel.

To le third point: YES that is so good. Kaoru very much dissociates in my heart of hearts as well. He has days on end where he doesn't feel like he's in his own body, everything's sort of a blur, he can't remember things well...Hikaru's there for him in those moments at least.

I always saw Hikaru and Kaoru as ADHD/Autism solidarity. But bipolar is an interesting one, too. I could def see it.

Also the hairdryer thing FUCKING RELATABLE...I'd think Kaoru is "afraid" of hairdryers/thunder - just really fucking loud noises that are sudden and/or unceasing. They don't make him "cower" necessarily but like, he gets super jittery/irritated because he gets overwhelming anxiety from it. Hikaru as a kid probably didn't understand why his brother acted so strangely to certain sights/sounds/touches, and maybe at first teased him about it, but when it was clear these things actually DISTRESSED Kaoru he stopped and did everything he could to make him feel better. and if anybody makes fun of kaoru for it Hikaru beats the shit out of them.

This was super nice ;w; I love receiving long asks, asks about ouran and the twins especially. legit if you ever wanna talk about them u can send an ask or DM me you seem really nice!!

[meltedbluecaterpillar]

That did quite help, Absol! Thank you. Very good motivation..I think I'll be making a second account soon. One where i'll show myself and maybe even my creations at some point?

Don't be too surprised though, my JP account is quite lazy..I focus on my first and main eng account..I don't playthrough the story or anything on jp..I just..collect cards...im mildly selfish for that..and impaitent for them to release on eng..sigh.

Oh, Ruggie...I really do love him. I'd hate to see him cry but..i'm finding myself very curious to see what his card would look like..I think we need more Ruggie fans. Maybe if we get this, people will appriciate him more? I've always enjoyed him..even when he was alongside Leona in book 2..tripping people down the stairs "^.^ ,, - 🐍

Good afternoon Viper. Did you eat today? Please make sure you do. Lunch time has passed… But please remember to get something filling. I am happy I could offer some motivation. This current state I’m in is… Gloomier… I think… Compared to how I used to speak with others… So… I think eventually I would like to regain that energy and momentum… So I can cheer you on some more when you need it.

I think a second account could make you feel better. I have tons of them. Some for different fandoms. Some for art posts. Writing. Reblogs. It’s nice. It keeps me organized. I think if you shared your posts I would be happy to see them no matter what. Even if it isn’t Twisted Wonderland… I want to consume more media. I want to savor it and see what about it makes people fans of it. I think it’s fun.

Ah, I see… Actually that makes sense in its own way. Waiting for an EN release feels impossible with certain cards. I was counting down the days for Ruggie’s New Year card and I haven’t stopped rolling around admiring it. The sight of his big teeth… Ahhhhhhh. It changes me and my thought process. He is very handsome even if he disagrees. And… I choose to ignore any crimes of physical assault he may have committed. He was doing it for a good reason. This world is not black and white. It is grey. Doing something bad for the sake of what you believe is good. Everyone has done it in one way or another…. So… It’s okay that he did something bad. I can turn a blind eye since I wasn’t someone who got hurt.

I had a thought… Because I have been meditating and thinking. And I have allowed the universe to whisper in my ears. How it praises me and scolds me… When we see Ruggie’s card… I want to post something for him… I want to redo something very big… Just a bit. Something I wrote as a teenager. I want to re-write it now that I am an adult. I want everyone to see Ruggie in that card that we are waiting for. And I want everyone to see Ruggie as I see him… Let’s fall in love with Ruggie. I want everyone to.

[puppyyuri]

pinned post

also acts as an faq of sorts

MY COMMISSIONS ARE OPEN!

basic facts

main: @radspeon name: jo and/or yasha pronouns: he/him

art shit

things i mainly draw: ponies, humans, furries, anime people if i'm feeling miserable(/j), a very specific pokemon(shiny espeon), pixel art things i do not draw: porn(excluding artistic nudity), complex machinery(though i intend to get better at that eventually, love me some machines), real people(excluding jerma, i do not trust myself to get the likeness correct for anyone else), intense gore things to look out for in my art: artistic nudity, blood, f and d slurs, extremely bright colors(always tagged as 'eyestrain'), cringe(if something being 'cringe' actually bothers you i do not want you here anyway), suggestive stuff(but nothing downright pornographic), lack of image IDs(i am unsure of how to write them in a good way, feel free to add them yourself when reblogging), flashing gifs(always tagged as 'flashing' and/or 'flashing gif) commission status: OPEN! PAYPAL AND STEAM GIFTCARDS. MORE INFO HERE! pony gif requests: OPEN (please send them into my ask box, any generation is fine, pony gifs are free to use anywhere online or offline as long as they are credited back to me, don't use it to sell anything, and you send me a link to where you used it into my ask box) doodle requests: DEPENDS (i will only doodle your thing if i think its funny)

fandoms or whatever

my little pony(all generations except five but especially three and four), mob psycho 100, banana fish(don't expect to see much of that though), YASHA(1996), rc9gn(mildly), vampire hunter d(bloodlust and the novels, currently on book 2), furry, trigun(stampede and '98), the summer hikaru died, danny phantom(mildly), adventure time(have not watched fionna and cake yet), jerma985, black butler/kuroshitsuji(sorry), and other stuff but i cant be bothered to remember rn

main ships(not in any specific order)

mlp: twipie, rarijack, gildash, flutterlestia, mintypinkie(g3), lucora(luna and zecora), twiluna trigun: vashwood, millymeryl, vashmeryl(stampede only) mob psycho: reikubo, terumob, tomebomi, serirei banana fish: yuesing, asheiji, ibemax(mildly, i just rotate it around in my head sometimes), jessimax, dino x the meat grinder YASHA(1996): moichimayo, seichi, takerin, kenmei black butler: cielois, sebagrelle(mildly), madamgrelle(insane about this one) adventure time: man its just bubbline and simon and betty. what more do you want from me. fuck you, finnico as well. i dont care about canon anymore rc9gn: randulian(mildly) VHD: D x a therapist.

DNI

exlusionists, TERFs, proshippers, agere/petre blogs(nothing against you, its just my blog is very not kidsafe and you probably do not want to interact with me), pomegranate likers(/j)

tag list

non-character-specific categories

#yasha's art -- .... its for my art. what more could you expect. #yasha's ocs -- general umbrella tag for my ocs, almost always accompanied by a tag for the character specifically, but probably not for characters who do not have names #gurfs -- my funny way of saying 'gifs,' i do NOT use this spelling for warning tags like 'fast gif,' 'flashing gif,' or 'flickering gif.' that'd make me a fucking dickhead. #not art -- tag for. shit that isnt art #pixel art -- tag for my dabbles in pixel art

#radvent -- tag for my heavier works, mute this if you don’t want to see super sensitive stuff.

worlds

#world: kihverse -- short for "knife-in-hand universe," this tag is for my oc universe where there is a guy who always has a knife in his hand whether he wants there to be or not. its an extremely terrible superpower. #world: godly foals -- tag for my current mainline project, godly foals, a book about a found family who have to kill two gods. it has its own production diary blog, godlyfoals.tumblr.com #world: khristverse -- au for my oc Sezja where she's a vampire in a wildly historically inaccurate eighteen-eighties and has a very hot girlfriend, Rebecca, who she is loyal to #world: furryverse -- general tag for my furry ocs. #world: mimiverse -- world for my oc raik mimi, his siblings, his kids, and a bunch of other characters. the lore is too covuluted. #world: daigoroverse -- underdeveloped world that has one guy in it, daigoro, the old goddess of werewolves and wine. she's a snarky old bag and we love her.

i would write more for my individual ocs but. theres too many, so. L. maybe eventually ill get to it. bye

[asksoldieron]

SO-3: Don't You "Sugar" Me!

If there's a lot of engagement on this, this post is liable to get real long, beware before you expand.

I'll edit in the real art once I make some!

Welcome to the Engagement Lounge, for The Teapot Om (SO-3) an instalment! (I can't resist a reprehensible pun. Best you find that out now!) Short comments can go in the replies, but there's a 475 character limit. Longer ones will need a reblog. Remember to @asksoldieron if you're reblogging someone else's reblog, so I can see it too!

I wrote part of this instalment almost five years ago and managed to use most of it! With minor continuity corrections, of course😉. My timeline notes for this actually say "The Teapot Om (am I gonna keep that?)" I did!

The spouse and I were having a chat over ciders about Tumblr sexymen. We agreed on David, right away. If anyone noticed him, David would be there right away. We thought Milo and Erik might get there eventually. I asked him if he hadn't considered Seth and John. He surprised me with "No way."

He's been Tumblring longer than I have, so maybe he has a better feel for it. His first criteria that they failed me meet, "Some kind of dom energy." I pointed out "Seth is canonically [SPOILER, REDACTED] and John is doing kidnapping and mind control!" "Yeah, but they don't enjoy it."

Second criteria: "They need to be willing to sing 'How Bad Can I Be?'" Oh, no! That's a blast from Tumblr's embarrassing past! But maybe he's not wrong? Bill Cipher and Sans and He Who Shall Not Be Named and Alastor all have that in spades. There are others who don't, but he would classify them as "woobies" or "wet little meow-meows." That's where Seth and John belong!

"What if they'd sing 'Biggering'?" I asked. That's the original, darker cut of "How Bad" with more metal. I could definitely see Seth and Erik getting sucked into that. Try-Hard People-Pleaser to Force of Destruction is a vibe for both of them, at different times (and once at the same time!).

"Nah, that won't do it," he decided.

John may have escaped being drawn as a sexy white anime boy just because he's sad and conflicted! Or because he's obscure and nobody's looking and they never will! Ha, I'm a curdled idealist, so that means I'm a cynic. I can't always tamp it down, I'm sorry. I'm trying to have more compassion for myself. Really. It's a process.

John hides in the bathroom with the fan on and the shower going full blast when he's having a freakout. That will be important later!

[Back to the Site?]

[miamaymarry]

I edited my headline to be clear that this blog is a fan blog. I never claimed to be an official translator or anything like that. OX did never answer the request for permission to translate their work, so this is all for fun and without any connection to the artist but if you want to put it so negatively “messing” with their work. (I guess/hope Old Xian is probably really busy and doesn’t have time for concerns over small creators interacting with their works. Of course I would take the translations/edits down immediately if they personally ever happen to contact me about it and disliking it for whatever reason or if they make a statement online that they are uncomfortable with people playing around with their creation) Please remember fanfiction, fanart, edits, … are the same category as fan translations and technically require permission from the creator to be anything near legal as well. If nothing is commercialized it’s basically not a crime that’s traced I guess? I’m doing this in my free time and without ever charging anyone anything. The art work doesn’t belong to me and I hope that’s clear since I put OXs name and where to find the original whenever I post a translation.

I barely interact with most of the followers who came here but I’m happy many people seem to enjoy it ❤️ Again: I’m not claiming to be accurate and I just do fun stuff with editing, and what I feel like. I’ve done it many times before and people minded their business if it wasn’t their cup of tea. So I’d rather keep a small community around to gosh over the same things and not have loads of people on this blog with expectations I don’t want to live up to. I’m not here for anything but joy for myself and friends. There are sooo many cool fan translations you can follow instead if you’re upset about what I’m doing. I chose peace and fun over everything since this is my blog. It’s the internet not real life, please just pass by and ignore/block it if you don’t like it, since it’s not my responsibility to make anyone feel better at my space. And respectfully anyone please unfollow me if there is an expectation of me to serve you in any kind of way or make you feel comfortable at my own fan bubble here. We disagree and I’m not going to put up with negativity. I’m here for positive interactions and to have fun with a fandom I enjoy, which is mostly 19 days at the moment. I literally have a crack ship/cursed ship or whatever you call it in my header so where do those expectations come from? Typesetting is fun, not a job or duty to me and I’ll keep doing my own fanservice 😊 I also don’t want to justify stopping what I’m doing right now if I don’t feel like it anymore one day.

If you are really bored and want to play detective, start comparing OXs originals with the posts :D I made a few small edits here and there that didn’t change the context, and that I didn’t mention. Nobody noticed before or only a few wondering about hearts or (for me) funny additions. Yesterday I wanted to clarify I was making fun to keep a distance from the original because it changed the subtext with the small smile on Cheng’s face. (Look at least closely if you’re here to roast me. The second panel of him had a change of the corner of his mouth too and none who complained did even see it…)

I also apologize to anyone who’s disappointed because this wasn’t communicated clearly enough from my end. I will keep addressing actual changes like before! Now there are so many followers already and I had to block a few being rude, I felt pressured to make a statement, but actually we’re strangers and I don’t owe you anything guys.

Last but not least: I am so happy about all the positive comments and funny tags (yes I read them whenever I can hehe) in the reblogs. Thank you so much for sticking around 🥰 and thank you for liking too!

Summery: We switch between accurate translations and a more direct communication sometimes (but most of the time we stick to the original as close as possible). I edit small stuff sometimes because I would like to have “more” in there (or what I personally think is fun). So I will keep addressing changes to be clear in the future.

If you want to talk about it feel free to do so nicely :)

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Portrait of a Dangerous Man🎨2

Warnings: (series) non-consent sex and rape; slow creep; cucking; (this chapter) nothing as yet.

This is dark!mob!Clark Kent x reader and explicit. 18+ only.  Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Synopsis: Your dream of having your work hung in an art show comes true but your first buyer is not all he seems to be.

Note: Thank you for your positive response to this one! I hope you enjoy what I have in store.

Thanks to everyone for reading and thanks in advance for all your feedback. :)

I really hope you enjoy. 💋

<3 As usual, I’d appreciate if you let me know what you think with a like or reblog or reply or an ask! Love ya!

Your Spotify list of redundant tracks flowed through the apartment as you sat typing at your small desk in the corner of the front room. The boxy space was as oppressive as any office space, another reason for your voluntary work at the gallery. Vanessa let you in the studio to paint. Without the privilege, you wouldn’t have the space for your easel.

You stretched your fingers and rubbed your eyes. You felt dizzy from staring at the screen, even with night mode on. The work was monotonous and made you restless. You wanted a pencil or brush in hand, a canvas before you, not this blaring laptop. You yawned and took a sip of your lukewarm water.

Your phone vibrated from across the room and you checked the time. Your lunch started soon but no one was really keeping track. As long as you got your assignments done, it didn’t matter when you chewed on toast and disassociated.

You got up and grabbed your phone from the corner table and leaned against the arm of the couch. You remembered how Marcus woke up there and grumbled as he lifted his head in pain. You couldn’t really feel bad for him going into work hungover. He embarrassed you and it didn’t quite sink in until after Clark left you to stare down at your drunk boyfriend.

An unknown number showed on your screen and you answered tentatively, ready to hang up at the first sales pitch. Your name came from the speaker and you recognized the deep voice in an instant. It took you back to the night before and the canvas hung on the wall.

“I hope I’m not disturbing you,” Clark said, “I only just had the paintings hung and I thought… well, I thought you might like to come see them in their new home.”

“Um…” you chewed your thumb, uncertain how to respond.

“Sorry, I know I can be a bit… to the point,” he laughed at himself, “how are you?”

“I’m good, just… taking a break.”

“You working?”

“Yeah, but I work from home,” you said as you touched the side of your neck, “I could… I could come see them but it might be a while before--”

“When are you finished work?” he asked bluntly.

“Four but I… maybe another day.”

“I don’t mean to be pushy but I did have something else to speak with you about,” he said, “a commission, like I mentioned.”

“Oh?”

“I kinda wanna get it started sooner than later, it will probably be pretty time-consuming,” he explained and you heard a clink and a soft sip, “I don’t wanna get into details on the phone but I promise, you will be compensated nicely.”

“You can’t wait until tomorrow?” you wondered.

“I suppose I can but it’d have to be during the day,” he responded, “why don’t you take some time to figure it out and get back to me by two? You can text me through this number.”

“Erm, sure,” you said uneasily, “I’m sorry, it’s just… very sudden, I don’t--”

“You can bring the boyfriend,” he said casually, “if you like.”

“He won’t be… home,” you said carefully, “I’ll let you know. Thank you.”

“I look forward to hearing from you,” he replied, “have a good day.”

“You, too,” you said and the line died.

You put your phone down and took a moment. Good things rarely happened to you. You struggled so long it was hard to think that might change. The skeptic in you told you there was something behind it all. That it couldn’t possibly be your art.

You went back to your computer and sighed as you waved away the screensaver with your mouse. The blinking cursor made you want to believe it was your big break.

🎨

You texted Clark at one and at four, you were in an Uber. Marcus drove his car to work and you stuck to buses and the underground when you could. The address was at least an hour out, the house among those estates on the edge of the city reserved for the upper echelon. You’d only ever seen the sprawling yards on your way to the next town.

When the car finally turned up the drive and you passed beyond a low brick wall, you felt entirely out of your depth. You tipped the Uber but didn’t feel too bad with the check from Vanessa sitting soundly in your account. You clutched the strap of your bag and walked along the curve of the brick work towards the stairs.

“Hey,” you stopped as Clark called to you, your ankle still tender from the night before.

You glanced over as he came out of the large garage and peeled off a pair of leather gloves. He smiled as he tucked them into his jacket pocket. You watched him and played with the clasp on your bag.

“Just got back from a drive,” he said, “I almost got carried away. I’m glad you made it.”

“Yeah, no problem,” you replied.

“Well, come on, let me show you around,” he waved behind you towards the front doors, “we’ll go on a tour and then we can talk details.”

“Wow,” you uttered mindlessly as you climbed the stairs to the door but kept the weight on your uninjured ankle, “this place is huge.”

“My contractor went a little crazy,” he scoffed, “but I can’t complain.”

He led you through the doors and directed you to the left. In the front room, your work was hung along the opposite wall, arranged in a way that drew the eye to them. You stepped closer and peered up at your work with a hint of awe. They looked even better in a place like that.

“I had my interior designer make the final call on where to hang them,” he explained, “I hope you don’t mind, I gave her your details. She said she had clients who might be interested in your work.”

“Really?” you breathed, “that’s… too nice.”

“Oh yeah? One day, you’ll be sick of rich pricks like me,” he grinned, “I’ll show you the pool, that’s usually the main attraction.”

“Sounds good,” you said as you followed but he paused and watched your stunted gait.

“I forgot, we can go slow,” he offered, “how’s the ankle?”

“I’ll make do,” you affirmed as you neared him, “just need to get my steps in.”

🎨

As you finished the tour of the second floor, you slowed along the long hall and admired the work of artists you only ever saw in museums. You couldn’t help but be enamoured by the historic blots of paint. You almost forgot where you were as you leaned in to read the initials beneath the pastel flowers.

“So,” Clark’s voice brought you back, you almost blanked him out entirely in your mind, “I think you might have noticed the empty space above the fireplace in the front room. I was hoping you could fill it.”

“Oh?” you looked at him and smiled nervously, “did you have something in mind? A landscape or--”

“Well, your portraits are great. I like the old world style. I was hoping you might do one of… me,” he suggested, “I know, it’s vain but why not?”

“I mean, yeah, I could do that,” you said.

“I’ll pay hourly plus materials,” he continued, “three hundred an hour.”

You almost choked at the number. You blinked and swallowed through your surprise.

“Even a small portrait would take at least twelve hours,” you warned, “are you sure?”

“I know it’s a lot of time for you, so… I was thinking, if you have to miss work, I’ll factor it into your rate. I would really like to get the project started as soon as we can,” he put his hand on his hip as he looked down at you, “the only thing I need from you is a list of materials. I’ll have them waiting for you here.”

“Here?”

“Well, yeah, I figure it makes most sense,” he turned his palm out.

“Hmm, sure, I prefer my own brushes but… you know I can just buy the stuff myself--”

“Ah, no, I want it to be perfect. You send me a list and I’ll have my assistant go out and get it all ready,” he assured, “How does Sunday sound?”

“Sunday?” you blanched. That was two days away.

“Like I said, Marcus is more than welcome to come with you,” he offered, “I’d hate to keep you from him too long.”

“I guess Sunday works,” you squeaked, “I’ll talk to Marcus.”

“Great,” he said coolly, “well, that’s business. How about a drink to seal the deal?”

“I don’t know, I should probably get back,” you fiddled with your bag against your hip.

“One drink won’t hurt,” he said, “go on, call the boyfriend and let him know you won’t be much longer.”

“I… thanks,” you murmured.

“You’re humble for an artist,” he joked as he sidled by you, “once you grow an ego, you’ll be unstoppable.” He neared the stairs as you turned to watch him, “I’ll be at the bar, waiting. You like gin?”

“Sure,” you answered as you pulled out your phone, “I’ll see you down there.”

🎨

When you told Marcus about your new side gig, he was even more excited than you. You were anxious and slightly hesitant. You hated to jump in feet first and risk losing more than a few tubes of paint. What if the work wasn’t good enough?

Marcus was more than willing to come with you when you told him about the size of the place. He knew by the area that it was extravagant. You sat in the passenger seat with the most expensive bottle of wine you’d ever bought cradled between your legs. You hated to show up empty handed after all of Clark’s generosity.

Marcus got lost and went down the wrong driveway before you righted your course. As you drove up, you were once more overcome from the rich rosebuds and sparkling fountain at the centre of the mosaic. You gripped the neck of the bottle and got out as Marcus whistled in awe.

“You weren’t kidding. This place is fucking nuts,” he swore, “I should’ve worn the tux from my brother’s wedding.”

“Please, Marcus,” you rolled your eyes, “let’s both try not to break anything.”

“You’re the clumsy one,” he chirped, “shit, you’re so lucky. You get to hang out here and paint all day? God, I wish I had an ounce of artistic talent. I’d trade it for code in a minute.”

You climbed the steps and clanged the large knocker on the right door. You waited a moment before an answer came and Clark appeared on the other side and beckoned you inside. He smiled as he shook Marcus’ hand.

“Thanks for joining us,” he said, “I would’ve felt awful stealing your girlfriend on the weekend like this.”

“Are you kidding me? She said you had a pool and I snuck the swim shorts into the backseat,” Marcus chuckled and you nudged him with your elbow.

“See?” Clark arched a brow, “the pool is always the seller.”

“Here,” you said as you held out the bottle of red, “for everything you’ve done and welcoming us into your home.”

“Ohhh,” he took the bottle and looked over the label, “I got a spot for this right behind the bar. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, I brought my brushes,” you patted the canvas bag on your shoulder.

“Mmm, yeah, well, I’ll just put this away and we’ll give Marcus the grand tour. Then I’ll get you situated,” he assured and rushed off.

He returned and pointed Marcus through to the front room, “you’ll see, just over here,” he directed him to your paintings.

“Oh, wow, babe,” Marcus marveled at the hung portraits, “you really did it.”

You smiled bashfully and Clark peeked over at you and winked. You squirmed as your cheeks burned and you turned away as he beckoned Marcus past the mantle.

“It’s a big place,” Clark said, “I’d like to get you started before noon.”

Clark led you along the same path as days before and slowed as you came back to the top of the stairs. He turned back and clapped his hands together.

“Marcus, if you wanna hop in the pool, we’re gonna start just in there,” he pointed to the one door you hadn’t looked through, “that’s the studio.”

“What about you?” Marcus asked.

“Well, I’ll be a part of the process so I’m afraid I will be just as busy but if you need anything, Nina, she has a crooked nose and mean mouth but don’t let her fool you, she’ll get you whatever you need,” he said, “just don’t track in water from the pool or she’ll string you up.”

“Oh, well, that doesn’t sound too bad. Some alone time in the sun and a pool,” Marcus grinned, “I really couldn’t ask for anything else… except you, babe.”

“Sure,” you scoffed, “go, have fun.”

Marcus kissed you quickly and thanked Clark again before he excitedly barreled down the steps. You scratched your neck as you looked back to your host, and you guessed, your new boss.

“I’m sorry about him. He can be such a kid sometimes,” you said.

“Nah, it’s fine,” he waved it off, “so, you ready to see your workspace? I kinda wanted it to be a surprise. Also, a bit last minute so it’s not perfect… yet.”

“Uh, yeah,” you answered, “can’t wait.”

He motioned you over to the tall dusty rose doors and hooked his fingers in the slotted handles. He slid them open and revealed an airy room with a tall ceiling and long windows. An easel stood facing the sun streaked glass, an immense canvas bigger than yourself, bigger than him, propped up on it. There was a ladder nearby and the table was set with a rainbow of paints and a large pallet.

Your lips parted as you neared the easel and stared up at the canvas, “you were right, it’s gonna be a lot of work.”

“I hope it’s not too much,” he said, “but you name your price. We’ll make it work.”

“No, no, I think for what you’re paying, I’ll do just fine,” you put your bag down daintily on the table, “so, uh, a portrait, I guess that means…”

Your voice trailed off as he went to the upholstered chair across the room, at an angle so you could see him from your vantage. Behind it, hung a velvet curtain to add to the scene and a bust on a pedestal. It felt surreal, like a dream.

You turned and pulled out the brushes, “I think you’ll get more tired than me, just sitting there.”

“I’ll make it through,” he assured as he sat, “is there anyway you’d like me to sit? Chin up, or…”

“Hmmm,” you turned to look at him, “I think… if you just put your shoulders back and… did you want a profile or--”

“I was thinking front-facing,” he stared at you steadily, unflinching as his eyes stuck to you, “just like this.”

“Perfect,” you said nervously and looked back to the table. 

There was water to rinse your brushes, rags, pencils, blending sticks; everything you needed and more. You took a pencil from the bunch and pulled over the ladder. You climbed up and looked over at Clark as he sat stoic and still. He looked picturesque in real life, you expected paint would only lend to his figure.

His eyes met yours and you turned to start tracing the basic shapes onto the canvas. You had to stop and steady your hand as you did. His gaze made it hard not to tremble.

[tetsusgoing]

yes that anon who sent

"tag all of your mutuals and put beside it the kind of person they are im really curious :)"

WAS ME AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA 😏😏

anyways im ready for that kiss 😚

I love u for sending in this ask but my stupid self accidentally posted it when I wasn't done so now I'm answering this one instead. Ok where do I start,

@icedhoneyy : my #1 my 4 lifer my online best friend at this point. Isa is such a sweet and bright person it's amazing to be around her, she had a way of reassuring me that things were fine and making me feel better. Her ideas are all so cute and her writing is so so good she's terribly underrated, once she is back from being inactive I will be the happiest woman alive ok.

@boo-kugo : one my early made mutuals, so so nice and I know she will always be reblogging something of mine. Such an interactive mutual I love that you're always in my notifications and that I can feel so easy with you (read: not wonder if you actually like me or not as I usually do with people) and that your themes are always so CUTE

@kurootosis : lem where do I even start. One of my special kuroo made mutuals (read : we bond over our love for the silly guy) I love the ideas you implement into your writing so much and I love how we both write to comfort ourselves like girls who think about their fictional boyfriend to cope relate to each other so hard yk (I have some of ur work in my drafts but forgive me for not having enough time to read and appreciate it I am heart broken </3)

@mushiemin : my FIRST haikyuu mutual, and when you followed me I was jumping up and down and giggling from excitement cause wow your art is so amazing and if someone like that follows me then I must REALLY be something. I hope you're having a wonderful day whenever you're seeing this !!!

@rayesloveletters : my dear friend ray reblogs all the cutest stuff in the world, whenever she's on my dash I just experience visually pleasant thing like God I am SO thankful we are mutuals. Plus you've been so sweet and so nice to me, especially by reaching out first because I'm deathly afraid of rejection so I'm terribly glad you talked to me first otherwise idk where we would be rn (silent mutuals probably)

@sunamour : I can't put into words how much I love your work. I've probably told you before but everytime I feel like hurting my own feelings I go through your masterlist because your writing is THAT good!! I couldn't believe myself when you followed me actually, because wow.. it's like Beyoncé herself acknowledged my existence okay. Definitely check scar out for suna related works she's amazing 10/10

@sookisaurus : risu is one of my early mutuals too and I remember stumbling across your blog and also feeling excited about having a kuroo mutual. When you wrote me that one shot?? My god I died and went to heaven. Risu is so easy to interact with and she is so talented if you ever don't know where to start in the haikyuu fandom she's an amazing person to talk to!!

@tahdashi : I think everytime sayu reblogs something of mine I get more recognition than I've gotten the whole time I had this blog, safe to say I couldn't believe when she followed me because??? The sayu?? Liked my work?? That one winter kuroo piece is my most popular one now. I also love the way your mind works and I associate you with study boyfriend akaashi (rip sunkeiji)

@wakatshi : miss daria... so cool, so amazing, I feel like she's a huge star and I'm this journalist who she will talk to from time to time and I'm actually just her biggest fan. Amazing themes, amazing energy, such a cool person, and no one is more worthy of the mrs ushijima title. Can't picture him without her popping up in my head actually

@miyasann : I remember when you answered my first ask ever and you called me by my name and I was so surprised that you knew my name like it wasn't right in my pinned post... but basically another incident that felt too good to be true because you are so nice to be around and your Journaling will always have a special place in my heart. You remind me of orange blossoms ok I don't know where that came from but it makes sense !!!

@rinoomi : she's inactive as far as I'm aware but GOD I loved her art so much, I remember coming back from school and checking her blog to see if she drew kuroo again and those were the good old days

I feel like I've forgotten some so I will return to edit them in if it's necessary!!!

[miekasa]

mie!! since u write such beautiful gorgeous astounding breathtaking life-changing tearjerking fics, do YOU have any good fic recs that you personally love 🤔

I do! I have a whole blog of wonderful fics I’ve read (tho I desperately need to update it/reblog the ones in my drafts and tag them) @ackermeun for more if you want because there are many lovely, talented writers; but I’ll list a few of my faves for Levi and Eren below 😌😌

Levi

kiss me more by @vennilavee

Now, I could recommend you anything and everything by Saran and I have no doubt that you would love all of it. There’s not a single thing in her masterlist that I dislike, she even made me okay with the idea of pegging Levi bye. The entire tbah universe (specifically parental moments one) has a special place in my heart, but recently the perpendicular world has been on my mind, and might be coming for number one. Either way, you’re gonna love it. She writes Levi in his slightly bitchy, kinda needy, implicitly affectionate, true to nature form, and I am so grateful for it. Also, Saran is a comedian. 

silver soul by @oi-levi (now posting from @bibblelevi)

I suck at keeping up with series, and, so, naturally, I’m terribly behind on this one, but I’m gonna go ahead and rec the whole thing to you anyway, because I have no doubt that the other chapters are just as great the two I’ve read so far. The way she writes Levi... when I tell you I could wrap myself up in a blanket and binge this whole series, and her entire masterlist, and be very content I mean it; her writing feels warm, that’s the only way I can explain it. 

the art of tea composition by @karikarasuno

I don’t remember how or when I found this fic exactly, probably just scrolling through the tag, but I love it. Domestic fluff with Levi, allowing me to pretend I’m a morning person, and just the right kind of smut to go with it. Simple and very, very effective. I’ve reread it a few times by now, no shame.

where you’re meant to be by @deludedimagines

After you read this, I also suggest just going after the whole masterlist. I cannot express how grateful I am to have found this blog PLEASE. Her characterization of Levi is perfect, and something about her prose feels very clean and simple, but elevated and layered at the same time. This one-shot in particular is one of my favorite canonverse pieces, I’m a sucker for a classic injured lover trope. 

the ones who matter most by @deludedimagines

Yeah... this shouldn’t be a surprise. Fantastic writing, fluff in canonverse has a special place in my heart because I think it can be really hard to pull off well; it’s difficult to balance a sense of softness within the aot universe for the obvious reasons, and getting Levi’s caring nature right can be (unfortunately) so hard to find. Good thing people like Sorcha are here. Enjoy more fluff. Also this fic is particularly fantastic to me not just because of the injured lover trope, but because the 104th babies pay a visit and you all know how much I love a good glimpse of reluctant adoptive dad Levi hehe

bullet by @jean-does-not-have-a-horseface

If you can’t tell by now, I love canonverse fluff, tho this fic isn’t fluff in the traditional sense, but I think that makes it all the much better. Perfect depiction of real life shit that would go down in the aot world paired with Levi’s need to protect his s/o. It’s fantastic. 

the knife by @therealvalkyrie

I didn’t mean to turn this into Mie’s Favorite Canon Fics Showcase, but here we are anyway. As much as I love a good injured lover trope (and this does have that hehe), I love a good kickass reader insert, too. Shoutout to Valkyrie for included both in this fic, and Levi being proud of his s/o... well you can imagine how much I liked that bye

dante’s inferno by @alrightberries

College au + roommates au with Levi... that should be enough for you to read this lmfao, no but actually it’s adorable. Not to mention friends to lovers... if you know me you know how I feel about that, I’ll gobble up every f2l fic until I’m dead and gone. Not to mention there’s a cat and Levi won’t admit he likes it, or he’s jealous of it. Simply cannot go wrong here. 

waves know shores by @onwiings

Bro I don’t even like the idea of public sex and I’m not even a fan of water like that but this fic has me wrapped around it’s pinky lmfaoooo. Some of the best Levi smut I’ve read and you already know how I feel when Levi and reader have cute interactions with the 104th in fics. Really it’s checking every item on my list. 

Eren

speed racer by @emeren

I’m pretty sure I found this fic during my midterms last semester, and when I tell you I’m so grateful for it lmaooo. It’s really just a good au, I think it fits Eren (honestly barking at just the concept) and the writing brings it all to life. 

under the moonlight by @murmikaa

I’d have to be dumb not to recommend this to you. I love reading longer fics, and if you do, then this will 100% satisfy you. The whole story is great and immersive, not just between Eren and the reader; their relationships with the other characters are really what makes this special imo. There’s also beach sex, so. Obviously it’s good. 

untitled.avi by @puredivinity (now @celestidarling)

Naur you must of thought wrong if you thought at least one of Mara’s fics wouldn’t be here. I’m obsessed, I think I’ve read it three times minimum. I read all her Eren fics, and you should too. She writes him in such a dreamy way, almost like he’s right there and too good to be true that you must be hallucinating. Immaculate. 

midnight snacks by @writertitan

Dumb, college-typical antics and fluff with Eren... obviously you know I’m about that. The whole concept is so mundane, but so cute, you can’t help but fall for it because it could be so real!! I love that kinda stuff hehe 

i’m your satellite by @ackerfics

Comparing hand sizes with Eren!! YEAAAAH!! No, okay, but I read the summary and was ready to dive in because... size kink go crazy, but when I tell you I was so blown away to find out that it was not only from Eren’s pov, but that he was being a complete simp and down terrible the whole time. Normalize boyfriends being completely fucking in love with their gfs that simple shit like the size of their hand makes them wanna simp even harder!!!!

eren as an ass man by @hznji

I’m dying on the hill that Eren is an ass guy and you should too because it’s the objective truth. Fluff, Eren being a complete dog as per usual, Eren’s being touchy (I will also die on the hill that he’s touchy as fuck and has no concept of personal space) and just in genral snarky but cute banter. Gotta love that. 

Jean

tears over beers by @appplepii

When I tell you this is my favorite Jean fic, I mean it. Friends to lovers with hopelessly pining Jean + oblivious reader = everything I could have asked for in a fic, AND it’s from Jean’s pov too!!! INCREDIBLE!!! The pining made me yearn, and the smut was so well done, too. 

this drabble by @arlerted

Whatever, whatever, WHATEVER!!! I DON’T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT!!! Cal is right, don’t do drugs but... this mf... this imagine.... has been burned into my mind since the first time I fucking read it bye. Callie also writes a bunch of filthy (affectionate <3) fics and drabbles and lewds and you should read them, preferably when you’re alone and with the lights off.