#i remember being 20 and doing sex work for rent money and how many of the men i ended up doing scenes with on camera being gay men

[loufuckers]

X

[imonthinice]

The Criminal Psychology Majors, Jason Todd x Fem!Reader Part 19/?

Word Count: 4.1k

Author’s Note:

Warnings: Mentions of the court system, fighting, swearing, no beta bitch we die like Jason Todd

 Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8) (Part 9) (Part 10) (Part 11) (Part 12) (Part 13) (Part 14) (Part 15) (Part 16) (Part 17) (Part 18) (Part 19) (Part 20)

Time Skip lol, February, next year. Finals.

She and Jason had been together for 6 months around February. When finals started coming up. The distance and tension between the two was fucking palpable. They hadn't fought or anything, but the stress between them had caused a slight riff. They just had space to focus on their studies.

They would see each other at work. She was his secretary. Everyone, all their friends, even their families, swore they just needed to bone. Which, considering they both heard about this from Bruce first, didn't mean they wanted to do it.

If you had asked Y/N, she would have said she wasn't dressing for Jason. But that was a lie. She was tempted to go with the advice everyone was giving them, especially before they went into their first finals exam. She walked into his office.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Well, I'm your secretary. Seeing if you need anything."

"I don't."

She turned to walk out.

"That doesn't mean you can walk out."

She smiled to herself, "Alright." She sat on the chair in front of his desk, "I won't walk out."

"Mhm."

She frowned, he didn't even look up from his computer. "What do you want me here for, Jay?"

"Close the blinds on all my windows, baby."

"It'll become dark."

"Good."

"Your eyes will fry from the light of your computer."

"Trust me, they won't."

"Uh-huh," she doubted as she closed the blinds.

Jason walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his head in the crook of her shoulder. She smiled and leaned her head on his.

"Exams fucking suck," Jason said.

"Couldn't have guessed from the riff in our relationship, really? You don't say?" she sarcastically retorted.

"It's not like we had it easy this entire time, either."

"Fuck you don't say? At least my attacker was admitted to Arkham and my friends got out."

"Can't catch a break," he paused because his buzzer went, "Can't catch a fucking break!" he exclaimed, exasperated. He went and answered it, "Jason Todd, who's using Y/N (Last Name)'s buzzer," he said, sounding annoyed.

"Hey, it's Dick. You two aren't fucking right, B will be pissed."

"Shut up. We aren't. What do you want."

"Someone's pissed. I need paperwork."

"Come and get it."

She crossed her arms and laughed when Dick entered the room. She slightly waved. He slightly waved back.

"You know, you two should bone. But not here," Dick joked. He walked over to one of the many, many filing cabinets to search for the paperwork he needed.

"You're really just riding the wave into Jason running you down, aren't you?" Y/N said.

"Well, we're always up for sparring."

"It probably won't be sparring, Dick. You know your brother. He's staring daggers into the back of your head."

"For Valentine's, I'll be giving Barbara the stress of taking care of me after Jason beats me to a pulp."

"At least you'll get one last Gala?" she joked.

"Will you be coming?"

"She will," Jason said.

"Amazing. Don't fuck on the dance floor," Dick joked.

"Fuck you."

"Love you too, Jase," he turned to walk out, "Love you too, Y/N."

"I'll be sure to tell you I love you at your funeral, Dick," she joked as he walked out. She paused before turning to Jason, "Gala?"

"Come, please," he said before going to hug her. "I miss you."

"You see me every day, Love."

"But we haven't been," he paused, "Well, a couple. In weeks. I miss you. The fun one who got me to run down the streets of Gotham on a skateboard."

"Dress code?"

"White tie."

"Dammnit. Guess I'm shopping."

"I'll give you my debit card?"

"I don't need it, baby. However," she joked, "I sure will take it."

He laughed and forked it over to her, "Don't spend my Ph.D. funds."

"I will gladly spend your Ph.D. funds."

"No," he laughed, "Please, I need those."

"I mean if you insist I spend it all," she said, laughing.

"The Gala's later tonight, you can take the rest of the day off."

"Kind of you to do."

"I know, I'm a gentleman."

"Truly," she kissed him. "I'll see you tonight."

"Can I come to get you?"

"Feel free too."

"Alright. I love you."

"I love you," she said before she left the office.

Getting into her car, she fumbled with the mirror a bit. She looked like a mom. The bags under her eyes and the formal get-up for an office job did her in.

They had said "I love you" for the first time around Christmas. She wished she caught the moment where they were fucking around and she just said it.

The Christmas lights surrounded them, hung in the trees. They had gone to see the New York City tree in Times Square. He was setting up a photo to take of the two of them and she just said it.

She could have sworn his fucking eyes lit up with green. Like they glowed.

Reminiscing on those small moments with Jason was something that would make her smile without fail. That man somehow unlocked a new set of feelings, stronger feelings. She was in touch with herself.

She went to her house first, to see how A/N was doing. To see her on the steps. She pulled into the driveway.

"Hey, you good?"

"Huh? Oh! Yeah, of course. Why?"

"I have to go get a dress for a Wayne Gala trademark, do you want to come to help me?"

"Of course I do!"

---------------------

"I guess you could say we didn't narrow shit down about a dress," Y/N joked as she came out in the 16th dress she had tried on.

"Okay, well, that one is the best so far," A/N said, seeming like they finally made progress.

"Wow, this is news, we've narrowed it down."

"Honestly consider it a miracle. Thank God Jason let you go from work early. Are you getting a full day's pay?" A/N asked.

"Probably. I told Bruce I didn't want a full day's pay if I wasn't there, but Bruce said it was in my contract. I think he's just being generous," Y/N said with a sigh.

"Did you not read your contract?"

"I did! That's why I think he's being generous. I don't think I'd forget something like that."

"Watch you did forget those words. You should ask him to see your contract, if he's disobeying it then the board members are probably at his ass about it," A/N explained.

"God, please no. I would hate being a contention point for the board members."

"They probably want you fired. And they're probably mad that you won't be fired because you're with Jason."

"Well, I'm also just a great secretary"

"See, each time you say that I assume it's because you give him a little something-something under his desk every day."

"I'll have you know we've never had sex in that office."

"Did you have sex in another office?" A/N questioned.

"I'm pleading the 5th to any further questioning."

"Wait, oh my god."

"Nope! Going to go try on another dress and ignore you now!" Y/N exclaimed with a joking tone.

"This one's the best," A/N said.

"We're making progress! I'm thinking if I go with this one, I add gloves."

"God, are you trying to give Jason a hard-on?"A/N joked.

"I would like to plead the 5th to any further questioning on the matter," Y/N retorted.

"You're evil. If you're going to be evil, you might as well wear a suit."

"I wish. After all the shit I've been through, I want to stick it to the fucks who keep judging me. I'm already so jeopardized, though. Jason goes through a lot of shit dating me. I'll wear the dress."

"Old white people are old white people."

"Well, Bruce is nice at least. If he's judgemental, at least I don't hear about it on the news," Y/N said and twirled. "Yeah, this one. I like this one."

"I also like that one. There's something about silk. Always gets someone to look like 50 million dollars. Probably worth that too."

Y/N fumbled with the tag, "It's not pure silk, so it's less. Only 1000$."

"Only 1000$? God, that's like our rent."

"Rent is more."

"Well if we weren't in a house it would be the same. That's insane. That's like 3-4 months of groceries."

"I know it's a lot to us commonfolk, but Jason is rich. He wouldn't mind. We might, but he wouldn't."

"Yeah, but do you feel okay with spending that much of his money?"

"I have no idea. We'll see. I'll go try another dress on."

"This is cute," Y/N said.

"Well of course it is, it's probably worth your college scholarship, though."

"God, don't remind me of prices."

"It's hard to forget prices when we're given a lot of money to spend."

"We can't spend all of it!"

"What's he using it for?" A/N asked in a half-joke.

"He's getting a Ph.D. in Criminal Psychology when we graduate."

"Okay, okay. So he needs it."

"Yeah, he doesn't let Bruce pay his bills, remember. He's making his own money, minus the working-for-his-dad part."

"Yeah, the working for Bruce part seems a bit counterintuitive."

"If he's getting paid, it doesn't matter to him."

"What's it even like working with his family? Especially with the tension between you and Jason?"

"It sucks. Jason and I haven't fought, yet. We have to act like we aren't fighting. Which makes everyone think we are fighting. Which makes both of us mad. Because apparently," she paused, "The way to fix fighting is having sex, apparently."

"So have sex?"

"Shut up."

"Family on your nerves?" A/N asked.

"They're so involved, but I love them all. I just wish we had a moment alone, I know it's hard to do in a fucking office, but still."

"Go try on another dress. Show up looking like a million bucks."

"You are simply so right."

"I feel like this is the mature version of the black sparkly spaghetti straps one," A/N said.

"It's like you mashed a bunch of words together and suddenly I have to sell you my first-born son."

"Well, it's true!" She laughed, "It's a grown-up version, what someone, old white people, would expect of you."

"Old white people expect a lot."

"Jason's going to be one, one day," A/N joked.

"He's got not-white features," Y/N said, trying to picture his face. There was something about him. Something not-white. She had always picked up on it, but she could never tell what it was.

"Well, it's not like you can ask his mom her ethnicity."

"Jeez, that would be so rude of me to do. Let's just say it's... it's not my place."

"He's got secrets?" A/N questioned.

"Tall, handsome, mysterious. That's my Jason."

"A little bit of everything, all of the time," A/N said in a sing-song tune, specifically the "Welcome to the Internet" tune.

"Don't quote Bo Burnham to me, that album broke me," Y/N joked

"Who didn't it break? Oh, wait, probably Jason."

"He probably sobbed like a baby at it, I don't know where you got the "Emotionless" trope from, A/N."

"Can you blame me? He's a Wayne."

"Those are some of the most emotionally connected people I know? Like, genuinely, they're probably more in touch with themselves than you and I."

"Well, they don't exactly have the reputation for being able to discern their emotions, you know."

"You need to stop interacting with tabloids and their articles," Y/N said, seeming exasperated with the tabloids and the line of conversation. But that was nothing new. She hated the press, the articles, the paparazzi. She hated them all.

"Yeah, probably. You hate them for a reason."

"Do you not know about that time they made it so we couldn't get into our car?" Y/N asked.

"You did, you did."

"Fuckin' tabloids."

"Go try on another dress before you explode from rage."

"Valid," Y/N said, laughing.

"God, if only this wasn't a white tie event," Y/N said and sighed.

"I mean, you could just wear it."

"I will get my ass handed to me, however," she said, taking a picture, "Maybe Jason will just let me get it if I pay him back?"

"You don't have the money right now?" A/N asked.

"I need to get paid and I'll have enough," Y/N explained.

"Don't tell me this is worth more than our rent."

"I will just simply not tell you."

"Girl, you can't."

"Money is dumb and I hate it."

A/N laughed, "Which one do you want to go with?"

"Uh, probably the silk one."

"Temptress."

"I will literally buy and wear a corset to make Jason's life hard to get you off my back," Y/N laughed.

"I implore you to do so for the joke."

"Shut up," Y/N joked.

She still sent the picture of the last dress to Jason off-handedly. Asked him how he felt about it since she knew she loved it.

Why don't you just get it? He had sent back.

Can't afford it.

I can.

Please let me pay you back for this.

Just take me on a date.

I can do that.

You should.

I'll see you soon.

She laughed and grabbed both dresses.

"Jason's buying both?" A/N asked.

"Mhm! I have to take him on a fun date in return."

"You were probably going to do it both ways, honestly."

"You just know me so well."

-----------------------

They had gone and gotten the gloves before heading back to their house. Laughing and blasting rock songs the entire time. There was something about the bass running through the car and having the windows rolled down while screaming the songs. It was insane.

One of the songs they blasted was "I Think I'm OKAY" by Machine Gun Kelly and YUNGBLUD, switching out the vocals. It was fun to take breaks like that and, just enjoy each other's presence. Especially during finals season, where both of them were stressed because of their respective finals.

Everyone was stressed. Finals did that to everyone. Whether someone was in school or not, they felt the teenagers and college students lose their minds about it.

They got out of the car at their home and took the dresses inside. A/N went to go study in her room while Y/N went to go hang up her dresses. She entered her room and instantly remembered why she hated her laptop.

The laptop fan was deafening, it's why she barely had Jason over at her house anymore. She cleaned it constantly but, it kept going and going.

She brought it to the Wayne Manor over the Winter Break because she had work to do but wanted to see Jason, and everyone, everyone, commented on the thing.

They compared it to a screaming goat, an electronic mess, a horse-powered fan, anything they could put together with electronic, goat and fan, they called the laptop that.

Bruce even offered to buy her a new one, but she declined. She didn't think it was broken, so it didn't need to be replaced or fixed. If it was still in working condition, she was going to use it until it bluescreened on her.

Much to everyone's dismay.

She hated the fucking thing. So if she could drown it out with music, you bet your ass she did. She was grateful that her parents had sent it to her, but she assumed it was because they hated it too. She was right. No one liked that laptop.

She went to go shower. She figured if she fucked with her appearance and hair a bit, then the press would get off her back. She hadn't exactly tried to impress them thus far. But she wanted to just live her life.

She figured doing her hair, makeup, wearing the right clothes, she'd get harassed less. There was a lot of pressure dating a Wayne, she had realized.

She was constantly in the media, somehow she became an idol for little girls in the span of months. It was a lot for someone to take on. She embraced it normally. With open arms normally.

But A/N had told her that she started sleep-talking. Screaming about the eyes, the people watching her. She knew it was probably connected to the stress she was under dating Jason, but she really didn't want to deal with it.

If she ignored it, no one could tell her to deal with it. If she hid it, no one had to see it. She was looking into soundproofing her room so that A/N didn't have to see it.

Was it healthy to do that? Probably not. Probably far from the concept of healthy coping mechanisms.

She got out of the shower and started playing with her appearance. If she ended up with loud makeup and hair after this, she was going to just accept it.

She did end up with pretty loud eyeshadow. But her hair was fine, as acceptable as it could get for everyone judging her. Only nude lipstick that was just two, maybe three shades darker than her skin was what she needed. She kind of overdid the eyeshadow, so it had to be balanced.

Nerves by Icon for Hire was playing in her room. And in a way, that was how she felt. There was a lot of feeling in her, that she wasn't made for the life she was starting to lead. That being an idol was how she was going, but she couldn't do it.

She sighed and put on heels. White heels. It would be easier to put them on before the dress and gloves. The corset came on next. IT wasn't anything special, and she was capable of putting it on without help.

But then the dress.

"She loved that dress, but it wasn't the other one. The other one sparked a little bit of joy in her, while this one just conformed to everyone's opinions of her.

She wanted to wear the other one, so, so, fucking badly.

And finally the gloves. It was an outfit she thought was cute but would be torn to shreds in the media. She knew that.

The media liked to eat her alive.

Part of her wanted a break from it all. The other part wanted to do an interview with the press, to shit-talk all of them and make them weep. She wanted to be the one to destroy them.

Revenge was best served cold though, and the rage was far too hot in her head to even begin a proper essay on why they sucked.

She turned off the music in her room and was greeted with the lovely sounds of her computer fan. Comforting, but hatred.

Jason was going to be there any minute. Was she even ready for a Gala?

They had been through so much.

---------------------------------

She walked to his car. He brought one of the fancy ones.

"You couldn't just like, own a not expensive car?" she joked.

"Why would I do that?"

She laughed and handed him his debit card, "I don't know, to keep the press off your ass?"

"I think they'd find us no matter what," he said as he backed out of her driveway, "You look beautiful by the way."

"Thank you, Love. You're as handsome as always."

"Simp."

"Alas, I admit it," she joked as she turned on the radio. "I swear the media is going to have a field day today."

"When do they not?"

"That's fair."

"I'm sorry this school year's been fucking our relationship," he sighed, "We deserve better and a better chance than what we've been dealt."

"Unfortunately that's how school works."

"Fuck school sometimes. Not everyone gets as hit as badly as us."

"It's the psychology teachers. If any teachers are strict, they are."

"We still deserve a break."

"Well, there's always when finals are over."

"I swear we're doing something nice when finals end."

"That's not that hard to do."

The tension in that car was palpable. Truly, you could cut that with a knife. A diamond's edge.

They got to the Gala before anyone, except the Waynes.

"Hey lot," Y/N said.

"Y/N! Glad you could make it!" Stephanie said and pulled her into a hug, "The guys suck, so I like you the most today."

She laughed, "What did they do?"

"They won't play rooftop tag with me."

"Why do you even play that game?" Y/N asked.

"Agility! I'm a track star, duh. I drag them with me."

"Ah, how could I be so foolish," she laughed as Stephanie pulled her towards the other girls. Y/N waved at the boys while laughing. "You do know I have a boyfriend who wants to see me, right?"

"It's Jason."

"Good observation."

"Shut up. I claim you."

"You can't claim me!" she jokingly exclaimed, loud enough for the boys to hear.

"Steph, that's my girlfriend!" Jason yelled back.

"Not anymore!" She yelled as she pulled Y/N into the building.

"Explanation?" Y/N asked, "Do you have an issue or something?"

"I don't. Babs does."

"Go on?"

"Ask her."

Y/N sighed and walked up to Barbara and Cassandra, "I heard you have an issue or something?"

"Yes! You! Okay so," Barbara said, "We're all worried about you and Jason."

"Oh, Jeez," Y/N sighed.

"No no, listen. We can feel the tension. Have you been fighting?"

"I told you before, we aren't."

"Then what is it? 'Cause I'm known for being a detective, hello, I'm Jim Gordon's daughter. And even I can't figure it out."

"Probably exams. Exams suck."

"Oh! It's because you're not used to the fame," Cassandra said.

"Okay, Cassie. Listen, it's-"

"It is isn't it!" Stephanie exclaimed.

"Ugh. Yes. Are you happy now?"

"C'mon, it isn't that bad is it?" Barbara asked.

"It is. They've been at my throat with daggers ever since I met Jason."

"Who's been at your throat with daggers?" Jason asked.

"Don't worry about it," Y/N said before anyone could open their mouths and say to the contrary.

"Well, then. Everyone should be here soon," Bruce said. "Wish we had entertainment this time."

"Can't Y/N sing?" Tim asked.

"Uh, yeah?" Y/N said.

"So sing," Tim said.

"Tim. C'mon. Don't do me like this, man."

"Think about it," Bruce said and put a hand on her shoulder, "It could be fun."

She laughed and everyone scattered except her and Jason.

"So, the daggers comment?" he asked.

"Media reference."

He sighed, "You can always step out of the spotlight, my love. Step down, walk away from their eyes but still be in mine."

"I'll think about it."

He took her hands, "You should think quicker," he joked.

She laughed and he pulled her into the ballroom she knew all-too-well at this point. The first time she was there ran through her mind like no one was watching, the beauty in her memory for capturing it like that.

She knew once the pictures were released she'd probably attempt to paint it.

Galas were stuffy and full of people. She didn't like the people aspect. When strangers would come up to her and start talking, she'd get freaked out. They knew her, but she didn't know them.

She wasn't involved in getting to know people high-up in the world. She was a simple secretary who was dating one of the CEOs.

She'd get twirled around by people's sons. Stuck in dances and conversations. She almost always found herself with one of the Waynes after she ran from someone she didn't know.

She did figure if she sang she'd get away from everyone. So, in a fit of trying to get away, she found her way to Selina.

"Hey!" she said.

"Y/N! Are you running again?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Do you want to sing or something, Bruce said he asked you to."

"He did, and I figured, "Fuck it" so here I am."

Jason came up just as she said that, "Duet?" he asked.

"Now that's an idea and a half."

"You kids, always doing crazy stuff," Selina joked, "Le me see what I can do for 'ya."

"We're really doing this?" Jason asked as Selina slinked off.

"I guess so!" she exclaimed and he pulled her in for a kiss.

"Really saying "Fuck you" to the press today, huh?"

"Well, they're always saying "Fuck you" to me."

[purplesurveys]

1240

Are you better at cooking dinners or making cakes/biscuits/sweets?  I can’t make any dish. I wonder when I’ll get my ass up and start learning...

Have you ever cut someone else’s hair?  I wouldn’t dare; I have no skills in that department at all.

Who was the last guest in your house and what were they staying for?  Angela and Hans came over so we can watch Sowoozoo. 

How many long term relationships have you been in?  One.

Do you sleep with all the lights out, or do you leave a lamp or even the television on?  My default is lights out, but sometimes I’ll fall asleep with my night lamp still on and that’s fine too.

Who is one person you have forgiven, but still have not “forgotten” what they have done?  I don’t really do forgiving.

Are you a fan of Lana Del Rey?  No. I’ve tried listening to her songs but I find them too slow for my liking.

Do you know your blood type?  It’s O but I keep forgetting what specific type.

Do you know your mother’s birthday?  Yes.

Have you got your period at the moment?  It’s on its last few days.

Have you ever been pregnant?  Nopes.

How old were you when you first went on a plane?  I was around 10 or 11, can’t remember exactly. But it was in 2009 and we headed to Boracay.

Have you ever had to take out a loan for anything?  No. OMG, adult activity I don’t quite understand just yet hfdhfkdjfhdf.

Are both of your blood parents still in your life?  Yeah they’re both grumbling right now just outside of my room because the power went out lmfao.

When was the last time you went apple picking?  I’ve never done this. Apples don’t grow here.

Someone asked you what you wanted, what would you say?  My pay for the last two weeks haha, but that’s not coming until Friday.

Have you ever been drunk at school or work?  No, I wouldn’t dare. I’m pretty unpredictable when I get drunk, so I’d rather stay safe haha. I’ve worked while tipsy, but it had been outside of work hours.

How many bedrooms are in your house?  4. One for each kid, then my parents’.

Are you smart about computers?  Nah.

Have you ever played Just Dance for Wii?  We didn’t have the game on our Wii, but I’ve played Just Dance before, just at other peoples’ houses.

Do you own a Xbox 360?  We were a Playstation household.

Would you ever do a sex tape for a million dollars?  Erm, sure, whatever.

So, do you need a nap?  I think I should be taking one for the sake of my health, but I won’t.

What would you rather be doing?  I stumbled upon a Facebook post of this newly-opened store in Greenhills that exclusively sells photocards and I wanna head the fuck over there rn with Angela. That store concept is practically unheard of so it’s a big deal and I wanna go there as I’m 100% sure the BTS ones would sell out pretty fast. But they heightened the stupid COVID protocols yet again and we have to stay at home, so there’s that.

What sport are you the best at?  Table tennis.

Do you have a little sister? What’s her name?  Yeah but she’s turning 21 this year, so little wouldn’t be accurate anymore. We call her Nina at home but everyone else calls her by her full first name, Janina.

Do you complain a lot?  I do complain a lot but I also do the thing that is causing the complaint right after so I can shut myself up lmao.

Would you rather go to an authentic haunted house or an ancient temple?  Both sound fun but I’ll probably take the temple. Yay for learning something new about culture!!

Do you like fruity or minty gum?  I don’t mind flavor when it comes to gum because they fade out anyway.

Are you looking forward to any day of this month?  My company set another mental health break day this upcoming August 27th, so I’ll be thinking about that day throughout the month.

Have you ever gotten detention?  We don’t have detention.

Is there a traumatic event that you’ve experienced that’s changed your life?  Sure.

Do you buy a majority of your clothes from a certain store, or do you just pick out items of clothing you could see yourself wearing, not caring about the store it came from? The latter. < Same. I can be brand-conscious sometimes, but generally if I find something cute, regardless from where I found it, I’d grab it.

Have any of the artists you’re fond of released new albums recently?  Technically yeah. It was a single album. 

Would you ever keep your favorite animal as a pet?  I already have two of them.

Ever cried so much you threw up?  Possibly.

Who is your best guy friend? Hans.

What do you two do when you hang out?  We usually eat out and have a drink or two.

What is a movie that you thought you would hate but you ended up loving?  Spotlight, just because it looked boring at first glance. It turned out to be very riveting and the screenplay was fascinating as well.

Do you even like horror movies?  Yes, but they’re best watched with other people.

Do you live in the country?  Nopes.

What is your favorite accent?  I don’t have one.

Have you ever had a boyfriend your parents didn’t like?  No.

Do you drink Pepsi or Coke?  I had the chance to try out Pepsi when we went to Taco Bell two weeks ago - it was my first time to have it and it was...actually pretty good??? The soda-hater in me was scandalized HAHAHA but it was good!!! I think I prefer Pepsi now.

What do you plan to do on your 21st birthday?  My 21st birthday started out terribly because Gabie’s family didn’t want her to hang out with me on a Sunday (the day my birthday fell on), so we were in an argument the whole day. Angela saved the day when she planned out an impromptu dinner + arcade date for me, and that was the only good part of the day, really. I’d rather forget the rest of it.

Do you have any person in your family with an addiction to beer?  I don’t think so.

Do you take a lot of pictures?  I’m starting to, now.

What kind of face wash do you use?  Good ol’ water.

Does drama always seem to follow you?  Not these days.

Does anybody in your family race?  Nope.

Are you closer to your mom or dad?  Dad, I guess. But I wouldn’t particularly call myself ‘close’ with either.

How much money did you used to get from the ”tooth fairy?”  I never received money from them.

How long do you want to live with your parents?  Maybe up until my mid-20s? Late-20s at the latest. I’m not exactly in the position to move out yet. The money I make at the moment would probably just be enough to cover rent, and just rent. I’d end up starving to death hahaha.

Do you have a laptop or desktop?  Laptop.

Do you like your parents?  Sure.

Do you secretly like someone?  I don’t.

Would you ever date your best male friend?  No. I also wouldn’t do that to Angela.

What are you currently listening to?  Moon by Jin! Such a comfort song.

Do you want to be single?  Yes.

Did you go out or stay in last night?  I stayed in and was knocked out pretty early since I had been up since 1 AM.

Have you pretended to like someone?  No. I don’t see why I would have to that.

How is your heart lately?  Just filled with nothing but Bangtan at this point haha. It’s doing well!

Are you wearing socks?  No. Socks bother me for the most part; they make my feet feel a bit suffocated.

What do people call you?  Robyn.

Do you get stressed out easily?  Yeah, I’m quite the overthinker.

Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance?  No, I’ve never actually been inside an ambulance, whether it came for me or for another person.

What is wrong with you right now?  I should probably cut back on the vaping, for one.

Do you own something from Hot Topic?  No.

Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone?  It’s hard for me to sleep with someone else. Even when I had been in a relationship, I usually only got to fall asleep an hour or so after my partner already dozed off.

Do you still talk to the person you last made out with?  No, I cut ties at the start of the year and have been substantially better since then.

Have you ever seen your best friend cry?  I honestly don’t think so. I’m the bigger crybaby between us.

Did you get any compliments today?  My mom thanked me for covering for Cooper’s shots today since they ended up being quite costly.

Have you ever gone to a beach?  Yes, it’s one of my absolute favorite places to be.

What would you say if someone asked you to get high right now?  Pass up on the offer.

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?  Yes.

Have you ever done volunteer work just because you wanted to?  I’ve never had the ample time to, so no. I’ve always wanted to volunteer at an animal shelter, though.

Do you have long nails?  They’re not dramatically long, but they have started to grow out.

Do you like the gender you are? I don't like or dislike it, honestly. I'm just neutral. < Same.

Do you generally look nice in photos?  I think this is the case these days, yeah. I’ve started feeling more confident and I think it’s able to translate in photos.

Have you ever had a stick insect as a pet?  No.

What colour are your father’s eyes?  Dark brown.

If I handed you a concert ticket right now, who would you want to be the performer?  BTS DUH

Name three facts about your family?  I come from a family of lawyers; many of us are big history buffs; and many are also fantastic cooks so I don’t know where that talent could have possibly gone when it come to my generation hah.

Would you ever get into a long distance relationship?  If I’ve reached a certain level of investment in the relationship, I could probably handle it. 

What’s the most thoughtful present you’ve ever received?  A Punk shirt and Petals For Armor physical CD from Andi this last Christmas.

What’s your favorite hot beverage? Hot chocolate. < Yessssss!

Did you ever play an instrument? If so what?  I don’t.

Would you rather carve pumpkins or wrap presents?  Carving pumpkins sounds fun, especially since I haven’t tried it before.

Do you think you’re important?  Idk. I don’t really like drawing attention to myself though, so that could probably answer your question.

What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?  Andi wrote a letter for me to accompany the aforementioned Christmas gifts they gave, and it remains to be my favorite letter I’ve received. They essentially reminded and affirmed me that I’m stronger than I think I am, and that I’ve been through a lot and have grown a lot, and that that growth is seen by people around me.

Have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders?  No.

Have you ever moved to another state or country? If so, how did it feel to be new?  Just to different cities, but considering how tiny my country is, the move is quite insignificant lol.

Do you know how to properly eat food with chopsticks?  I’m 100% sure I don’t know how to properly hold chopsticks, but I have my own way and it works lol. Fake it til you make it.

Are you more of a leader or a follower? Definitely a follower, but I can step up in certain situations. < Same. I don’t mind leading, especially considering the control freak I can be lolol.

What was the first thing you ate today?  I haven’t eaten anything today. I skipped breakfast since I brought Cooper to the vet, and by the time I got back the dining table had already been cleared. It’s fine though, I don’t feel too hungry.

If you could spend the day, doing absolutely anything, with anyone, anywhere, what would it be like?  I’d be with Angela, Reena, and Hans at that insane new photocard store I talked about earlier. IDEALLY, we’d probably pick up a photocard or two if the ones we want aren’t sold out yet (lol a rarity), then we’d have some nachos and stuff right after and just talk about all things Bangtan lol with Hans cracking us up the whole time since he is just naturally hilarious.

If I were to ask you how you are doing, and you were only able to answer completely honestly, what would come out?  Content. Happy. I feel warm and loved and surrounded by the best people.

What is the one thing that you have been avoiding that you should do?  Learning how to cook is one.

Is there anything that you wish you could take back?  Not really.

What, in your mind, could make you truly happy?  Being in the purple ocean with my best friends.

If you could change one conversation in your life, what would you say differently? Would it have REALLY made any difference?  A part of me wishes my final face-to-face conversation with Gabie had been a more solid closure, just so we could finally put a hard stop to that chapter. But at that time I thought we would continue talking, so there had still been some stuff lingering in the air when we called it a day and parted ways. So in a sense we never really got closure when I finally cut ties, which the ESTJ in me remains to be nagged by, but I try not to be bothered by it anymore considering how much better I am doing right now. We didn’t know the future at the time, so it’s okay the way things turned out, ultimately.

When is the next time you’ll change your hairstyle? Will you color it?  I have no clue. It’s not really a priority.

Do people normally say you’re a fast typist, or are you rather slow?  I’m fast.

Have you ever been considered the ‘smartest person in school?’  Nah.

How many drugs are in your system?  Just caffeine.

What’s on your schedule for tomorrow? Werkwerkwerkwerk.

Do you currently have any bite marks/hickeys on your body?  Nopes.

Do you call anyone baby?  I don’t.

What’s your current mood?  I’m prety neutral. I wish I could be out right now, but stupid Covid and stupid quarantine. But I don’t really mind staying at home, either, so. I’m just so-so.

Do you think you are a good person?  I hope so.

What were you doing before filling out this survey?  I watched Sunday mass with my family.

How late did you stay up last night?  Around midnight.

When was the last time you cried really hard?  I cried just a few days ago because period hormones, but the last time I cried hard? I’m not sure. April maybe?

Is your hair longer than your shoulders?  LOL yes it’s soooooooo long already.

[coll2mitts]

#77 Grease (1978)

Slick your hair back and grab your team jacket, we’re hand-jiving our way through Grease, a movie about bunch of hot, self-motivated ladies with their whole futures ahead of them settling for a bunch of schmucks.

Grease is a strange experience to relive as an adult, because it was (as I suspect with a lot of people) ever-present in my childhood, and I didn’t understand the great majority of references then.  This movie was intended as an 8th birthday present from my mother; I came home from school one day and the VHS was sitting on our kitchen countertop unwrapped.  I didn’t recognize it, so when I asked my mom what it was, she feigned confusion for about 10 seconds before she gave up and said, “I bought it for your birthday, I guess you get it early now.”  She promised me I’d like it when I popped it into the VHS player, and she wasn’t wrong.  I hadn’t watched this movie in over a decade and I still could recite the majority of the dialogue.

While this movie is a toned down significantly from the stage show, it is still fairly raunchy in parts.  What is kind of hilarious to me is Grease’s gradual shift in categorization over time as a “kids musical”.  In 5th grade, my sister played Sandy in her elementary school’s production of it.  I asked if she remembered any of the lines they changed to keep things “appropriate” (the Kidz Bopification, if you will) and she responded, “No, I just thought it was weird I had to go out and buy a sexy outfit.”  Conversely, my 5th grade play was about the history of America and I dressed up like Martha Washington.  I’ll never forget the 50 Nifty United States from 13 original colonies... SHOUT ‘em, SCOUT ‘em, TELL all about 'em, ONE BY ONE till we’ve given a day to every state in the U-S-A.  AL-A-bama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado, CON-NE-TI-CUT...

Anyway, do I think it’s weird that a movie about a bunch of horny teenagers has become Baby’s First Adult Musical?  Sorta.  Not really.  I mean, the dudes act like children for the majority of this, so I’m not surprised, at least.  It had, for sure, turned me off from wanting to date high school dudes when I was in high school.  The high school girls, however... we’ll get there.

It’s the first day of school, and the oldest high school seniors I’ve ever seen are poised to take on their last year at Rydell High.  The “T” Birds and their very uncool matching jackets are reunited after a summer apart and their super-senior leader Kenickie, played by the late Jeff Conaway, regales the tale of lugging boxes to earn money for a sweet ride, which you could feasibly do back in the 1950s.  Danny, played by John Travolta, spent his summer getting action at the beach, which he eloquently describes as “flippin’”.  

Frenchy and her new neighbor Sandy rendezvous with the Pink Ladies, who have very cool matching jackets and the unabashed confidence to go with them.  Stockard Channing, who plays Rizzo, is turned off by Sandy’s pure, seemingly holier-than-thou persona, and is dismayed when Sandy starts to describe her sickly sweet summer romance.  Her interest is only piqued when Sandy mentions her hunky date was notorious playboy and Rizzo’s ex, Danny Zuko.  

Sidenote: When I was a child, I thought Sonny asked if her “jugs were bigger than her nets”.  I asked my mother what “nets” were, since I surmised that jugs meant breasts, and she didn’t know, which I thought was weird.  It wasn’t until THIS MOMENT that I realized he was asking if her jugs were bigger than Annette’s.  Who the fuck is Annette?  Like the Mickey Mouseketeer Annette?!  Rizzo sings about her later and I’m just like.. this revelation has lead to more questions than answers.

Rizzo hatches a plan to call Danny out on his shit and reunite Sandy with Danny at the school pep rally, as they know her boyfriend is an asshat.  He predictably reacts maturely; Not wanting to admit his previous story of getting fresh with some cute Australian girl down in the sand was somewhat hyperbolic, he plays it off like he doesn’t give a shit about her, reducing Sandy to tears.  Frenchy comforts Sandy like the supportive queen that she is and invites her to join the Pink Ladies at a sleepover.

Honestly, a Pink Ladies sleepover looks lit as fuck.  As a kid (and now, tbh) I was Jan, I wanted to be Marty, I wanted to fuck Rizzo, and I wanted Frenchy as my best friend.  I would totally be down to drink champagne, eat Twinkies and mutilate our body parts with needles.  Sandy is a bit of a late bloomer and reacts to these series of events by puking.  Rizzo decides to be a bit of a slag and make fun of Sandy for being an inexperienced virgin before shimming down a drainpipe to get laid by some jerk with a shitty car and a 6-year-old condom.

Sandy, whose night has done nothing to alleviate her heartbreak, sings a song about being in love with a coward.  Part of the deal Oliva Newton-John signed to be cast in this movie specified she have her own solo number, so “Hopelessly Devoted” was written and filmed after the rest of the movie had been completed.  This feel pretty obvious, since it gives off a very strong 1970s pop Best Original Song vibe.  When I was a kid, I used this song as a break to use the bathroom or grab a snack, but as an adult I find myself humming it every so often.

Speaking of contract-obligated solos, we’re treated to a Travolta-led “Greased Lightning”, which I always thought was weird, cause like, who is going to sing a song about their friend getting tit in their sweet car?  Jeff Conaway played Danny on Broadway, he deserved better...  Also, I’m CONVINCED this song got the Pop-Up Video treatment, but couldn’t find it online anywhere.  Otherwise, how the hell else would the fact that they thought John Travolta putting the saran wrap on his crotch was too racy live rent free in my head for like 20 years?

After encountering Sandy on a date with a jock, Danny decides he’s going to join a sports team to prove to her he can be a motivated team player.  Instead, he just physically assaults several members of his school, but it’s fine because he’s wearing a uniform when he does it.  This is enough to impress Sandy, as she accepts Danny’s invitation to the school dance.

The other gang members are going through their own drama, as Rizzo is sick of giving it up to Kenickie without receiving a modicum of respect.  

“A hickey from Kenickie is like a Hallmark card.  When you care enough to send the very best.”

Danny regresses and continues to act like a shithead to Sandy in front of her friends.

“I don’t like tea.” “You don’t have to drink tea!” “Well, I don’t like parents.”

Jan and Putzie begin an innocent and adorable romance, which proves it’s possible to start off a relationship with mutual respect, even if your friends make fun of you for it.

“I also think there’s more to you than just fat.” “...Thanks.”

I love this scene, there’s so many good lines.

Frenchy, who had dropped out of Rydell to pursue a career in cosmetology, is also in crisis as her stint in beauty school went very poorly.  After hours, she somehow hallucinates Frankie Avalon advising her to get her high school degree.

As a child, I was so proud of myself when I realized all these women played other roles in the movie, as if facial recognition was an important skill.

The day of the big dance finally arrives, as National Bandstand comes to Rydell High with roofie-wielding predator and television host Vince Fontaine.  Rizzo arrives with the leader of the rival gang, while Kenickie has his best girl, Cha Cha, as his date, because they are both very well-adjusted teenagers that know how to work through conflict by communicating and not using desperate attempts to make each other jealous.  Danny and Sandy are cutting up a rug until Sonny attempts to physically assault Sandy, and Danny just lets it happen because another one of his exes, Cha Cha, starts to dance with him while Sandy is rebuffing Sonny’s advances.  Cha Cha and Danny subsequently win the contest.  Honestly, this is so fucked up, I would have dropped Danny after this lapse of good judgement.

But no, Sandy still allows him to take her on a date to the drive-in, and it’s not until he elbows her in the boob and then tries to cop a feel in front of everybody that she finally blows him off.  Then he has the absolute gall to act emo about it because he’s afraid people will think he’s a loser.  Jesus Christ.

Kenickie is also hurting, as he discovers that Rizzo is pregnant and she doesn’t want anything to do with him, regardless of what being an unwed mother will do to her reputation.  He decides to process these emotions by racing Greased Lighting for pink slips, as he likes to live his life a quarter mile at a time.  Unfortunately, Danny steals Kenickie’s thunder (road) yet again, as he’s forced to take his place in the race because of a car door-related closed head injury.  Sandy is impressed by Danny’s driving skillz and decides to sex herself up for an unreliable and emotionally manipulative teenager.  Danny has a similar inclination and decides to put on a nice sweater to win Sandy back, which is something, I guess.  They declare they’re the one each other needs, oh yes indeed.

The school year ends, and all the boys end up paired with the girls.  Rizzo finds out she’s not pregnant and reunites with Kenickie?!  Marty ends up with Sonny even though he’s a handsy creep.  Danny and Sandy are just an mess with incompatible expectations of each other.  But at least Jan and Putzie and Frenchy and Doodie are fairly inoffensive.  The end.

This movie is great, even all these years later.  The entire cast is fantastic, even those with smaller bit parts.  I was *living* for the school staff, Principal McGee and Coach Calhoun especially.  Grease also jump started my lifelong love for Stockard Channing.  She’s great in The West Wing, but her part as Sister Husband in Where the Heart Is may be my favorite performance of hers.  I’ve watched that movie so many times I can’t even call it a guilty pleasure, I love it so much.

Olivia Newton-John wasn’t even sure she wanted to be in this movie and requested a screen test so she could see if she was good at acting.  John Travolta was enamored with her and helped convince Olivia she was perfect for the part, and he wasn’t wrong.  She gives such a strong performance as Sandy; I bought her transformation from clean-cut cinnamon roll to sexpot completely.  John Travolta was also unbelievably charming as Danny, and I found myself giggling at his line deliveries constantly.

The songs are also unbelievably catchy (albeit somewhat annoying after you’ve heard them 700 times).  Barry Gibb, my favorite Pras-adjacent composer, wrote the theme for the movie and it just bops so hard.  As a well-documented detractor of Doo Wop music, there’s not a whole lot else here for me, but that’s not going to blind me to the excellence of this soundtrack.  There is a reason this movie is revered as much as it is.  10/10, fun for the whole family, as long as the kids don’t understand the references.

[tcthetouch]

@mapleviewstarters​

𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚢𝚎𝚊𝚛 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚌𝚊𝚟𝚎𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚛, 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚘𝚗 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚋𝚒𝚝𝚌𝚑, 𝚜𝚊𝚜𝚑𝚊𝚢 𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚋𝚘𝚊𝚛𝚍𝚠𝚊𝚕𝚔 – 𝚜𝚌𝚞𝚛𝚛𝚢 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚒𝚝𝚌𝚑 ... 𝚌𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚒𝚊𝚖𝚘𝚗𝚍 𝚍𝚘𝚐𝚜 .

『 nicole kidman. forty-eight. cis woman. she/her. 』 oh heavens, is that CORA WHITWORTH from FAIR LANE i see roaming around mapleview? minnie may’s always calling them -DECEITFUL & -MATERIALISTIC. i happen to think they’re not that bad! they’re a pretty cool FORMER MADAM, CURRENT... “ACCOUNTANT” and every time i’ve seen them, they’ve always been +NURTURING & +RESOURCEFUL. i hope i see them around again! 『 may. 21.est. she/her. 』

did her parents name her after cora taylor ? no, kae and i just decided they’re dumb enough to name all their kids ‘c’ names. did i, trying to come up with ‘c’ names, name her after cora taylor ? yes.

background

triggers: prostitution (anything triggering that often goes with it is either very very skimmed over or not mentioned at all), pimping, possessiveness (is that the right word to use)/implied abuse?, drugs/briefly mentioned accidental fatal overdose (but if it makes it better the dude sucked)

honestly ? the triggers may imply there were worse things that happened in cora’s life, but... no. the worst thing that happened in her life was being born to the whitworths. not because they were like... jerks. but because they named everyone ‘c’ names. THAT’S THE REAL TRAGEDY IN THIS STORY.

Also. The first half of this intro is :\ a downer :\ but the second half is * thumbs up emoji * * money emoji * like the tone change is AMAZING.

Anyway, on the topic of the Whitworths, they weren’t bad parents! But they also weren’t stupendous parents! They were just largely… not around. So where Clara filled the love she wished to get with… flowers, Cora was like “I will try to fill mine with validation from external forces and… I don’t know, maybe adventure? Probably not.

Also scorpio sun, taurus moon bc astrology?? Ugh we luv it.

So she was decent. But she was bored. She wanted to do something interesting, not just mope around in their small town with the very few subcultures they had.

When she was 18, she decided that the small town life was simply Not For Her. much like my boy stephen crane, she wanted to actually study humanity. She packed up, of all places she could’ve “studied humanity,” she chose Washington, D.C.

But… you see… when you don’t have funds, a consistent source of income, or… really anymore than $20… you’re gonna study humanity SO WELL. Like, she was so set up to really study and experience humanity!

Let it be known… her parents obviously weren’t awful enough to be like “yes, go stay with questionable figures! you reap what you sow!” - no, they just… forgot!

A few people who she did not know offered a couch for the night. It was through various experiences among these folks, along with some general strange advice, that Cora realized she could enter a silently booming industry: sex work. The people she stayed with were usually very familiar with where the nearest red light districts were, some familiar with how to best tell undercover cops from regular johns. So she took this into serious consideration. She was still young – it seemed like a viable option, right? Easy money! 

Turns out… it wasn’t! There are some strange people out there, aren’t there?

However, it did temporarily provide enough funds for Cora to rent a dingy little apartment. Until this one night when a man brought her back – but instead of proposing sex, as was obviously expected, he proposed a different idea: she join his ‘club.’ There’d be more protection, the pay would be even more lucrative, she’d have somewhere better to live within a matter of months… so, god, dear god, it didn’t take much thought for her to take him up on the offer.

Of course, he was a pimp. So… you know, things weren’t actually much better, but the clientele were richer! He didn’t lie about that part! 

After around a year of captivity being pimped, this man took further interest in her as she became one of the more popular choices amongst his girls. He simply couldn’t let the star only be had by rich clientele! Yes, he slept with plenty of his girls, but she became favored as he began treating her as more of a girlfriend (with a creepy age different) who… you know, he still pimped out!

Being ‘closer’ to him was both advantageous and detrimental. Advantageous in that she witnessed more of the business side and various clients were rejected, detrimental in that… having to spend so much time with him, he introduced her to a world that was even worse. In spite of where she’d been for so many years by that point, she never really thought of drugs or gambling or anything else the underbelly provided other than sex work. But he introduced her to that side.

I’ll go easy on this, but… drugs. Period.

After another year of what seemed like something inescapable, now made worse, the best possible thing happened: he overdosed. 

Y’all, we’re mostly out of the downer part of the intro!

With the money she’d gained being one of his stars, as well as that extra money he offered to keep her near, she knew what she had to do. Like… after a while, but we can skip that probably three-month-long gap: start her own brothel!

Using the money she’d received, she rented out a cheap empty building in one of the cheap red light districts. As far as most were concerned, what was once a bar was being converted into a nightclub. Which was, of course, a lie. A good front.

On the verge of bankruptcy by the time it was ready, she was most certainly desperate! But, lucky for her, one of the girls from her old pimp’s bordello followed her in. Soon enough, word spread amongst the community she’d once been so distant from – soon enough, her “nightclub” was filling up.

She would always have to pay thanks to the dead pimp, in a way. Had it not been for him and for how possessive he’d become, she wouldn’t have had a single clue on how to actually run it. And while she was still rocky at first, she gradually became better and better until she was on equal footing with other madams or pimps and was able to gauge clientele just as well.

In addition, had it not been for him, she wouldn’t have realized what was missing! Condoms were provided and deemed a necessity (although, to be fair, it wasn’t as though she knew everything that happened behind doors), the rooms that existed within the “nightclub” were listened to as well as possible to prevent violence (but rooms in other places? hotels, houses? nothing could be ensured, only hoped for - and hoped to be reported if anything happened so the client could be turned away), etc., etc. Ultimately, her girls were more her surrogate daughters – no matter how close or distant in age – than her paychecks.

But lmao she still took a hefty cut of their pay – a whole-ass 55% – less than what her pimp took, but still a LOT for performing no actions. And ss the brothel became more and more popular, that was SO DAMN MUCH. Just per WEEK, really!!

Everything was going so well!! For ten years, the brothel ran with minimal police interference. There were attempts at take-downs, but the brothel began to work like a well-oiled machine – true proof became rather difficult to find.

Until it wasn’t. Until they were clearly closing in. Until Cora was barely getting out by the skin of her teeth. If she and her girls were arrested… not only would they go to jail and all, but all of that money and all of that time? Wasted.

So she handed the keys over to the first girl who would take them – luckily, the girl she would never tell the others was the star (but… the others knew). Her official excuse? She was returning to North Carolina due to a family emergency (one that didn’t exist). If she just randomly fled, she’d certainly be guilty!

Catching word that Clara had wound up in Mapleview, Cora decided to lie low in the small town herself. 

And yes, I made the TikTok meme real. Yes, she’s an “accountant.”

Only not really, she doesn’t use OnlyFans. Whenever she’s “commuting” to that place accountants work… she’s in some one town or another in the mountains, scouting talent. will there be a “nightclub” in mapleview soon?? actually probably not bc it’s so small. but one nearby?? YES!! 

Old habits die hard! 

But May, she may’ve been able to live off of the madam money for a few years, but it must’ve run out by now?

You’re right! I’m currently doing more research into this, but some years ago, she bought out and now owns a nightclub in Asheville!

But May, isn’t that a little far away to be there everyday? And what about her plans? And why would she still have to say she’s an accountant if being a nightclub owner isn’t taboo?

She has hired a manager she trusts greatly and goes down there to oversee things in person perhaps only twice a week! The manager reports to her!

The manager also knows of her plans and aids her in scouting talent! And she does have dirt on the manager as a backup!

And, considering what the club will be turned into, it’s best to keep it mum!

Honestly there are some other things I want to say, but I just remembered Tumblr’s read-more feature broke :)

tl;dr 

(consult trigger list! much lighter in this portion but jic!) born to whitworths who weren’t awful parents but also weren’t stupendous parents i think they just sometimes forgot they were parents! decided to pull a stephen crane and go “study humanity” instead of like… go to college or enter the workforce… wound up in d.c. without much money. ppl in the sus districts were like “omg stay with me! s2g nthn creepy j offering a hand!” which was mostly true! some were like “sex work is lucrative.” she was like “omg ur right.” a young cora became a streetwalker. around 21, one of the johns was like “hi im not actually a john im a pimp do u want to be pimped it’s really cool.” and she was like “omg ya.” but he was pinocchio :\ that being said i feel like i shld mention that while this particular sex work wasn’t necessarily clean, guy at least made testing a thing. some years pass and he’s like “ur great im gonna act like ur my gf and that i’m the only person in ur world but also u still have to sleep w these guys bc i do love money.” good thing about that was that she overheard some of the business talk. bad thing was that he sucked and also liked even seedier things. some years go by and seedier things kill him tho! now catch cora, late 20s or early 30s idk, being like “well with this money… oh wow i have an idea.” was like “gonna convert this cheap empty place into a brothel i mean nightclub.” was almost broke after that but one of the pimp’s girls was like “wait i’ll come along!” soon had a lot of ppl. soon became successful and was actually as humane as a brothel cld be!! evaded the police narrowly, but evaded them. they started rly closing in at one point tho so she was like “oh no family emergency in nc here my best girl i mean u, girl, u r now in charge idk how that works my pimp just died.” went to mapleview. is an “accountant” and by “accountant” i mean that tiktok meme only more extreme bc she’s being a talent scout. old habits… die hard…

personality/misc.

if this bitch ain’t able 2 make her own way,,,, idk who is. (after moving to dc bc u kno financial status in boone wasnt awful or anything) real rags to riches story. benjamin franklin wld be so proud. she found the way to wealth.

probs sleeps on silk sheets covered in rose petals??

tbh tho?? absolute contradiction. manages 2 care a lot and also not care at all. rly depends on where the person stands. rly depends on the relatability. wld probs be a good mom but has no plans of becoming one!!!!!!!! too busy being an accountant!!!!!!

what,, is trust?? what,, is love?? (baby don’t hurt me)

i’m flying by the seat of my pants rn i suddenly got v distracted but!! maybe more will be added when tumblr FIXES ITS DAMN SELF.

connection ideas:

well we got the rest of her siblings over on the npc page and honestly w how different it seems clara and cora turned out,,,, wld be so curious 2 learn wtf everyone else is doing. r they being normal or r they also wilding??? j in different ways??? (0/2)

i’m hesitant to say someone she’s a parental figure to bc honestly,,, those exhaust me sometimes ahfdslk,,, but!! u kno what someone she’s ironically a good influence on (0/2?)

she got a mostly friendly front but bitch!! someone she’s a bad influence on!! (0/2)

some current or past flings (any gender, but keeping age in mind, past wld be like 43+ pls,,,current like 40+?) (0/?)

if anyone lived in boone, some old friends from boone (0/?)

if anyone lived in dc, some ppl she knew in dc (0/?)

also always up for brainstorming or j working off of chemistry!!

feel free to like this or hmu if you’d like to plot !

[ourrightside]

10 Reasons Why Carrie Bradshaw Wasn’t THAT Bad...

Sex and the City is the most elite series I’ve ever watched - and I was so excited to purchase the first season when I turned 18.

I would listen to my mom and my sister gossip about the show when I was younger and feel so left out. But, my mom would refuse to let me watch it until I became an adult. Thank god.

Being an avid fan now, I sometimes scan through Sex and the City articles on the net, and can’t help but notice dozens of articles filled with ‘Carrie’ slander - which kind of makes me nervous.

Although it was true that years ago girls were labeling themselves as the ‘Carrie’, ‘Samantha’ and ‘Charlotte’ of the group - the serious and less glamorous friend got stuck with being a ‘Miranda’; it is kind of an insult now to be deemed as a Carrie. 

As we all matured, we realized that being a Miranda is amazing and we should all strive to be just as successful - but Carrie Bradshaw is still a valid character and I’m here to prove why the “sexual anthropologist” is not all that bad. 

Now before I dive into why I totally get Carrie Bradshaw, I would just like to point out before hand that I am aware that she is just a fictional character and hopefully you are too. If you are not informed, then I apologize for this harsh revelation. However, let’s continue. 

1. She was average looking

While we can all agree that her physique only gets stronger and leaner throughout the series, she was still not exactly perfect looking. Despite her fit body, she was not model like or necessarily tall. She did not have a perfect nose. She did not have the biggest ‘lady parts’. She did not have the plumiest lips. She did not have perfect facial symmetry.

But, she was okay with it. And has mentioned that by the age of 30, she was over being uncomfortable with her looks and decided to move on.

Despite constantly bumping into models and having to accept that men can be total “modelizers” - especially in the capital of the world aka manhattan, she chose to embrace her natural beauty, which in turn has allowed her to walk the runway in her underwear.

2. She was selfish 

Yes, the new trend is to be selfish and say no - because that is ‘self love’.

If that truly is the case, then there was no denying then that Carrie was selfish throughout the series.

As human beings, we are selfish by nature. But since we now identify ourselves in societies with expected norms and values, being selfish disqualifies you sometimes from your environment. To avoid being lonely, we try to let go of being selfish or at least hide our selfish traits.

Unfruitfully so, our selfish instincts at times fail us - exposing our true colors. And whenever that happens, people aren’t too afraid of pointing out what you did wrong. It doesn’t make us necessarily evil, just makes us human.

To avoid being Freudian in this post, let’s just sum up that Carrie is harmlessly selfish at times - that includes being late to every event, asking her friend Susan Sharon if she could trade in her cashmere sweater birthday gift for cash, accepting a pair of 600$ shoes from her other super rich friend, and cutting off Charlotte’s possible infertility problem discussion to talk about her Manolos.

The list goes on, I mean - this is just classic Bradshaw behavior. However, this character cannot be deemed as bad. She was just under the spotlight, and if we were under it too, we would find out that we do have these moments as well without realizing it. We are not perfect. However, Carrie does reflect on her mistakes often, which is something we should be doing more. 

Sometimes, her selfish tendencies can really get out of hand. 

It was not okay when she got angry at Charlotte who did not offer to lend her money after she blew it all off on Manolo Blahnik shoes instead of rent. It was not okay when she threw away Aiden down the drain. It was not okay when she slept with a married man, even if it was ‘Mr. Big’.

We cannot shame her though because we all have hidden skeletons in our closets...it’s up to you however to peak in and see which faults make it or break it for you. 

3. She was a working woman 

No offense to chastity ball princess Charlotte, who wanted to be a housewife to any rich man who crossed path with her, Carrie Bradshaw was by all means an ‘all star’ business woman. Despite being unconventional unlike Samantha Jones (PR executive) and Miranda Hobbes (Harvard-graduate Lawyer), Carrie Bradshaw was a restless woman that worked in multiple fields all at once despite being so undermined.

She had so many tasks to tackle all at once while juggling multiple projects. She ran around between the fields of Journalism, Content Marketing and Public Relations. She was able to get invited into all the ‘fabulous’ events and meetings because of the hard work she invested in all by herself as a freelancer who lived in a huge place like New York. Carrie finally reached her goal at the age of 40, which was working at Vogue. She even wrote multiple books as well.

4. She was unconventional

Despite the show running in the early 90s, Carrie Bradshaw decided to be a sex columnist. She never gave up on her weird unconventional job and was proud of her career despite the looks or comments people would make. She had a weird exterior in addition to how upfront she was about the physical makings of life.

In addition, Carrie did not believe in marriage until she became a fiancée at the age of 40. She traded in a ring for a pair of shoes and a walk-in closet, unlike most women, who would rather get married in their mid 20 to early 30s with a huge rock on their finger. 

5. She was struggling at adulting

Carrie Bradshaw had a deluded concept of adulting that at least most of us had or still struggle with. She was not a healthy adult with financial stability and a well thought out regime. However, she still managed to be fabulous.

She had poor dieting habits, which made her sometimes skip dinner to buy Vogue instead. She believed that shopping and gossiping were the best types of cardio. She was not the cleanest and had a messy apartment at most times. She did not care about the way her living space looked like, which she later on freaked out about in fear of being judged as an imperfect adult according to Mr Big. She paid so much on shoes that she could no longer afford her rent. She believed that investments must be seen in her closet. She drank at least six dollars worth of coffee per day. She would smoke and drink way too much for a thirty year old woman.

6. She was a good friend

Carrie Bradshaw had so many friends that it almost put her PR bestie Samantha to shame. To be honest, Carrie may have not been a perfect friend, but she was as good as it gets realistically.

What made her so realistic in her friendships was her ability to be there for most of her friends’ hardships. She had her ups and downs with her empowered female group because sometimes they would feel like she was too problematic and vice versa. For the most part, it is impossible to be as passionate to your friends as you once were the first time you guys met. But what makes a friend a good one is that they never voluntarily try to find excuses to leave you behind.

Carrie’s love towards her friends in her good and bad times showed that she valued them like family. 

7. She was lost

Carrie was probably more lost than she would have liked to be. She had a tendency to dwell on what should have been and could have been. We all have regrets and sometimes she voiced hers out more than other characters within the show. She would sometimes yearn over the years that passed by her. She even went to extremes such as dating a college boy just to remember what it was like to ‘just kiss’. Rookie Mistake, Carrie.

Just like Carrie, as time goes by at any age, we look back at the spur of events that created our timeline and take note sometimes of which events we deem as either life-changing, traumatizing or both.

8. She was experimental 

She may not have been as promiscuous as her friend Samantha, but she was unarguably adventurous in all aspects of her life. Although the most obvious aspect may have been her outfits, her wild colors and funny textural accessories were just a preview on how eccentric Carrie Bradshaw truly was. She mentioned that her younger years were a genuine pursuit of fun in every shape or form, which most twenty-something-year-olds cannot deny.

She emphasized that she fears living life as a cautious person because of the hurt she has endured. However, she truly defined throughout the show what it means to be eccentric, empowering the ones who fail the experiments of life to get back on their feet. 

9. She was flawed

Carrie Bradshaw believed in the glass half full rather than half empty throughout the series. Despite being unbearably flawed to the point where her friends no longer wanted to listen to her problems, she decided to see a shrink which is something that would have been especially socially-unacceptable in the 90s. Carrie still overcame her mental issues and found other remedies which in turn has led her into accepting the way things played out. 

As we grow up, we, like Carrie, need a little bit of help in order to realize that temporary issues will fade away into lessons and the permanent ones that are out of our control can be accessorized into our lives accordingly to the way that we want it to look like.

10. She was in love

Her love towards Mr Big was illogical - almost completely insane. But what made her character so special was the fact that she never continued her relationship with Aiden because she knew deep down that it was Mr Big all along and never gave up on it; despite all the signs that kept telling her that he was bad for her. He was at the time indeed bad news, which made her feelings towards him fluctuate between love and hate.

Now, the psychology behind her and Mr Big does not justify why you should call your ex right now so put your phone down, but it is something to think about. 

Carrie took the road not taken for most women, especially during the 90s where gender roles in love where still a bit rigid. While it is true that it is always easier to date lovers who make the effort to chase you rather than pursuing it yourself, the easiness does not create the ‘fairytale love’ that most of us strive for.

Carrie once described her love towards him as a crash rather than a crush. But if something deep down is telling you that someone is your person, shouldn’t that account for something? Shouldn’t we all just go for ‘ ridiculous, inconvenient, time-consuming can’t-live-without-each-other love’, and get it right just like she did?

- Nina xx (yasminasayyid)

[bambikisss]

Cafe Rewind

Hey everyone! Here is the first chapter of the series! I’m so excited to keep writing this and post it. This took me a bit, but i’m proud of it. Enjoy!

~<3

Chapter 1

I don’t even know why colleges feel like they need to take so much money from their students, but they do. But not only that, they don’t even do that well.  

Hence why I'm applying to jobs right now to pay rent.

You see, I used to live on campus, like every freshman does, when my roommates started bringing over their boyfriends. After a while, I got super uncomfortable with how many times they had sex in the room, along with every time I’d walk in on them. I decided that I would live off campus to make sure that I would never have to go through that experience again.  I used all my money to look for the perfect place and design it. But now that school is starting again and I got my supply list, I realized something:

I’m really broke.

“Why are there so many jobs offered on campus?” I asked myself, scrolling through the open jobs before sighing aggressively.  To be able to work on campus, you must LIVE on campus, which no longer applies to me. Deciding that I've spent enough time on this, I got up and stretched, closing my laptop, grabbing my phone and a hoodie before walking out the door. I need to walk to think straight so that I don’t throw my laptop across my living room. Another reason I chose my apartment was because it was close to a café named “Cafe Rewind”.  I used to love coming to that café after classes and getting a nice latte, but I stopped when I moved and decided to rely on Starbucks.  

Big Mistake. I got sick from that place and their prices drained my bank account dry.  

Before I opened the door, I noticed a sign by the window the words “Help wanted.” Like a truck, it hit me hard: I could just work here.  

I walked inside, smiling immediately at the familiar atmosphere before walking to the counter to order a drink and maybe bring up the sign outside. The minute I reached the counter, I noticed to guys yelling and pointing to the faucet. “How could you break this, Yugeom?!” The older man yelled at who I assumed to be Yugeom, even though he was much taller than him, so he had to look up. “I didn’t, Hyung! That was totally you! I was making myself an iced coffee!” Yugeom said back before sighing and fiddling with the faucet some more. I’ve never seen them before. They must be new.  

“Excuse me, miss” I snapped out of staring at the two men before turning around to face another man, who looked about my age. He had a piercing under his eyebrow, black fluffy looking hair, and a slight stubble on his face. “We aren’t open yet. How did you get in?” He asked, tilting his head slightly to see over my head and look at the two men who were still yelling about the faucet. “Oh, sorry. The door was unlocked so I just thought I’d walk in.’’ I sound like a creep. He smiled at me, showing a bit of his teeth before motioning for me to follow him to the counter. He had a messenger type bag with him, that he put on the counter. “I, um, also saw the sign outside” I whispered. I was trying to figure out a way to bring it up to him. He looked so scary. “The help wanted sign?” he responded, tapping stuff on the tablet.  

Huh, guess he herd me.  

I nodded, feeling my cheeks heat up from embarrassment. He looked up at me before looking over my body slightly. It made me feel like I should have worn something else due to how his gaze looked. Once his eyes met mine, he smiled softly, his gaze also softened. “Ok, follow me to the back” he opened the door beside the counter before walking in, holding it open for me to follow him. I followed him, even though I felt like I was being kidnapped. The room was their break room, apparently, which had a couch, vending machine, along with a table that also looked broken, but glued back together. The only thing that was on it was a plastic bottle with a random flower in it (which also looked fake).  

He sat down on the couch and patted a spot next to him, which is where I sat. There was a moment of silence before I noticed his name tag. “Jaebum?” I asked, looking up at him. He looked shocked for a second before realizing where I looked. “Yeah, but it’s spelled wrong. Its j-a-e-b-e-o-m" I nodded before holding my hand out for him to shake. “I’m Y/N” he smiled before shaking my hand. “That’s a pretty name” his voice seemed deeper than earlier, which made me shiver a bit. ‘’So, have you worked in a café before?’’ he asked me, making me remember the fact that this was probably an interview. “Yeah. I worked at my mom’s café called ‘Blue Rose’. I worked there for 4 years” Jae seemed very interested in what I was saying and didn’t stop me when I stopped talking. I was about to add more information when I heard an alarm on his phone go off. “Shit, morning rush. There’s an apron on the coat rack. Go wash your hands and help me while stupid one and stupid two play around with the faucet that I’m pretty sure Jackson broke. He even broke the table by trying to sit on it” He rushed before running out the door.  

Well, that went well.  

I grabbed the apron and rushed out the door like Jae did, sliding behind the order station. When I looked down at it, however, I noticed it needed a password.

Of course, it does.

Before I could say anything, Jae must have noticed my confused face because he yelled “it’s Noralove33.” I quietly giggled while typing it in. Whoever Nora is, she’s so lucky. The minute I finished typing it in, a group of people came in; about 9 of them came in...and ordered...

All at once.  

“I’m sorry, I can’t understand any of you. Do it one at a time” I sounded like a preschool teacher, but whatever. Once I got their orders, I handed it to Jae, who took it and began making drinks as quickly as possible. As quickly as I ordered, he finished and placed it on a tray and called the group’s table number. “That was so fast, Jaebeom” he smiled at my compliment before rubbing the back of his neck. “Thanks, I do this a lot.’’ I was about to say something when Yugeom, one of the faucet guys, walked over to us. “Mark hyung said he’ll fix the faucet when he comes in... who's the noona” he pointed to me while whispering to Jae. He chuckled and flicked Yugeom’s ear. “This is Y/N. She is going to be working with us from now on.” Yugeom bowed before rubbing his ear. He seemed so much younger than Jaebeom did. “You don’t have to call me noona. I’m 20. I’m in college right now” I smiled at him. His eyes grew bigger as he smiled. “We are too! What’s your major, Y/N? Favorite teacher? Dorm room number?” he was asking questions so quickly that I couldn’t keep up. “Yah, you’re scaring her, and morning rush isn’t even over yet.’’ They both seemed so nice and calm. While we were talking, Jackson came over and, much to his disliking, was trying to explain the table incident to me. I worked the rest of the morning before Jaebeom tapped my shoulder as a man with black hair, a blue shirt, and jeans walked in. “That’s boss Jinyoung. Be nice.’’  

Boss Jinyoung?

“Hello Jaebeom. You said there was a newbie?’’ His voice seemed deep, almost like a grandpa or dad's voice. Jae patted my shoulder softly. “I trust her. She seems fast enough.” Boss Jinyoung nodded before handing me a packet and looked back at Jae. “Tell Jackson to stop breaking things.’’ Then, he walked out. I looked down at the packet, noticing the contract. “Hurry up and sign it, Y/N. I have to go to class in a few minutes and I can’t let you keep that.” he chuckled while taking his apron off. I looked up at the time and gasped. “You too?” I nodded as he helped me take mine off. “I’ll take you. Consider it a thank you for wanting to work here and helping me with morning rush.” I looked back down at the packet and grabbed a pen off the counter. My eyes were drawn to the bold words above the signature line:

Dating is not allowed.  

I gulped before signing. I hope everyone else here isn’t extremely attractive (besides Jaebeom, Yugyeom, and Jackson). I handed the packet back to Jae before we began walking out the door. I noticed the ‘Help Wanted’ sign was taken down. “You work here now, Y/N. We don’t need anyone else” he told me before opening the door for me. I walked outside and noticed the weather was better and warmer than this morning. “Well, what are you waiting for?” Jae asked me, walking to his sleek black car. “Get in. I promise I drive better than I sing” I laughed before getting into his car. The inside was very sleek and clean. I noticed some R&B albums on the backseat as he got in. “You listen to R&B? I LOVE that genre.” I smiled before grabbing a CD. Jae had already started the car and began driving when I opened it. “You can put it in if you like.” I put it into the CD player before closing my eyes and listing to the singer and the beat. “I’ve never heard this artist before, but I love it. Who are they?” the CD cover didn’t have a name on it. All it said was ‘Volume 3.’ “That’s me” Jae said, smirking at my shocked reaction. “You said you drive better than you sing! There’s no way this is you!” he nodded before turning the volume down a bit so he could only hear the beat and not his voice. He began singing, and his voice sounded just like the guy’s did on the song.  

“Ok, so maybe this is you. What’s the song called?” He smiled before turning into the school’s parking lot. “Ring. I made it a week ago. Anyway, do you want me to drop you off near your class building?” He asked me while showing the security guard his school ID. I thought for a brief second about is offer. I wouldn’t have to walk and from here it’s far... “Please do” I cringed at my request as he laughed. “Please do? Are you royalty or something?” I rolled my eyes before telling him the building number. I felt kind of sad when he pulled up to my building, but then he pulled into a parking space and parked the car. “Your building is near mine. Do you want to get lunch with me after class?” I could feel my cheeks heat up a bit before nodding. He made me feel like I was in 5th grade, crushing on a boy.  

Stop thinking like that...you can’t even date him...he has Nora.  

“Sure, but won’t Nora mind?” I asked, getting out of the car. He let out a big laugh as he locked the door. “Nora? My cat? Why would she mind?” I could feel the embarrassment hit my face as he said that.

His cat...ugh, I'm jealous over a cat. That’s a new low, Y/N L/N.

I started walking to my building while Jae called from behind me. “Where are you going, Y/N? Want to talk more about Nora?’’

“Meet me out here after class! Bye!”

[hobiwonder]

Baby, Baby | 01

Pairing: Jimin x Reader x Taehyung

Genre: Surrogacy AU

Warnings: Smut (future), Fluff. A bit of Angst. 

Words: 12k

Summary: When you’ve run out of savings to continue on to the last semester of your Bachelors - you take an unorthodox route. Helping a desperate couple have a child and getting paid for it? Heck yeah. But what do you know - it wasn’t as easy as it sounds.

A/N: thanks to @jurassicjimin for being a sweetie and helping me edit ily :(( this fic was getting long so i decided to split it in a couple of parts but it will most likely be 3 chapters max. i hope everyone likes this as i kind of had to rewrite the whole thing and it may not be as eloquent as the one i spent longer time on hjerfvuekhbfkejbf anyway feedback is always appreciated :)

Part 2 |

“Miss Y/N?”

“Huh? Yes?” The receptionist smiled gently at your vacant expression as you were sure you probably looked like you were lost instead of the planning you had been doing for weeks to prepare yourself for this very day.

“We’re ready for you now.” You stood up, smoothing your skirt as much as you could with the thin fabric stubbornly creased just below your hips from sitting down. You had told yourself that you would pay more attention to your posture and the nervous squirming you usually did when… well; when you were nervous as hell. But of course, your own advice was the one you mostly adhered to the least.

“Right this way,” The nice middle aged lady led you towards large wooden double doors. The place was modern, sleek, rustic and most of all – screamed money, all at once. You weren’t sure how many architectural structures could be squashed in to one at the same time and look good as well. But you guessed that money always looked good.

No wonder youdidn’t.

She smiled her gentle smile at you as she opened one of the doors and letting you enter first. You mumble a thanks before glancing towards the back of two heads you could see from where you stood. One blonde, the other black. They sat on a large three-seater sofa while a love couch – which made you snort internally given the circumstances – was placed across from them. Just then, Solhyun – the consultant looking after your case – glanced up from her seat.

“Ah! Y/N come on in, yeah,” She nodded encouragingly as you took small, quiet steps – thanks to your flats – towards the couch that you assumed was going to be where you sat, facing the other two men. Speaking of; they had also stood up with Solhyun as she waited for you to come forward.

“Hello,” You went for a handshake but Solhyun pulled you into a gentle hug.

“How are you?” She asks as her greeting with a bright smile on her face, not waiting for you to respond before she is introducing the most important people – and the ones you’d been nervous as hell to meet.

You wished you had been given a bit more time to get used to the two men before you. Sure, you’d been given their profiles – albeit with limited information as you’d been told that they preferred to meet in person for every meeting, wanting to be heavily involved with the process. But man, you didn’t expect the two men you had decided to be a surrogate for to be this… striking.

“This is Mr. Park Jimin.” The blonde man, shorter than his partner stretched out his hand, placing his left on his elbow as a polite gesture. His hands were incredibly soft, just like the rest of him. Well, you didn’t feel him or anything but he just looked soft. Everything about him was soft – in a more metaphorical sense more than anything – as his eyes turned into slight crescent moons when he smiled gently at you. His lips were fuller than yours, fingers adorned in shiny rings, neck framed by a YSL necklace that you know costed more than your rent for a week. Your breath hitched as his cologne hit your nasal cavity causing you to breathe deeply like a creep. The blush creeping up your cheeks turned your body temp slightly up a notch when you saw the stunning man before you also took in your attire that contrasted his own expensive one. Where the fabric he wore was all silk and rich woven wool – yours were linen and cheap cotton.

“N-Nice to meet you, sir.” You notice the other man’s – taller and broader of the two – eyes flash slightly before his expression is turning into a more stoic one again. Not unkind, just more formal and probably fitting for the arrangement you were all about to make. Or you hoped would make. You really needed this to work out.

“Please, call me Jimin, Y/N.” Your frame stalls for a millisecond at the way your name falls from his lips. You never liked your name more than you did at this moment and tried to convince yourself it wasn’t because Jimin had said it.

“Mr. Kim Taehyung, Jimin’s partner.” Solhyun introduces the more intimidating looking man as he also stretches out his hand as well – also adorned in rings like his partner – while nodding at you.

“Nice to meet you, sir.” Unlike Jimin – he doesn’t ask you to call him Taehyung and you sense he may be have been the partner who was apprehensive about getting a surrogate as you had been informed that the couple that had been matched with you were having some second thoughts. You remember that day had been kind of hell for you.

You weren’t getting matched with anyone after giving an interview and having your portfolio made and it was going to be a major setback for you if you weren’t able to find a couple who needed a surrogate with your criteria. But when Solhyun had contacted you that she had found a couple – more so, they had found you – and specifically wanted to meet you to discuss a potential surrogacy, you’d been ecstatic and wanting to throw up at the same time.

As much as you made a rational, calculated decision, the reality of actually going through with it was something else altogether. Maybe part of you had thought that you would never even find anyone since not many people were keen on conceiving a child with someone who had a family history of breast cancer. You probably wouldn’t even be in this situation if it weren’t for your mother passing away from breast cancer at a young age and leaving you to your own devices. It wasn’t as if you had any other family to ask for any type of help. So when the house you had inherited had been put up for sale to pay for your college fees, you truly had nothing.

As much as it had been hard parting with the house you had grew up in and had countless memories with your mum; it was something you had decided when your mother had passed away. You were seventeen and in your State, legally able to inherit the house and make decisions regarding it just like your mother had also given you power of attorney when her health had deteriorated. Selling the house had been the best and worst decision at the same time. You had never seen that much money in your whole life when you’d received the check but on the other hand, you had a bitter reality check when you had ended up going through most of it with college fees, rent and daily expenses in general. It was as if the more you worked, the more money you needed.

The apartment you lived in may be a shoebox – but it was enough for you. And now, reaching the homestretch of your undergraduate, you were 20 grand short with only the last semester of your degree left.

When you had been accepted in to one of the more prestigious universities, it hadn’t seemed so impossible to actually go through with it since you had a fat check - not the fattest, just fat enough – in your bank, ready to go. After grieving the death of the only family you ever had, it had seemed that better days would never come. But at that time, holding the acceptance letter in your hand – you had felt that things might work out after all. Though, good things never really lasted long for you. And here you were. Willing to go to extreme lengths when you were just so, so close to the finish line.

“Well now that the introductions are out of the way, shall we discuss the arrangement?”

Clearing your throat, you nod, smoothing your skirt before sitting down. Seeing the way all of them were dressed was making you slightly more self-conscious of your own attire. Just a little. You try to keep your eyes on Solhyun as she begins to pull out papers from a manila folder but can’t help and glance towards the blonde – Jimin. He doesn’t hide that he is staring at you but a small, friendly smile is still painted on his face so it doesn’t bother you too much. Apart from the blush that has just took a liking to your cheeks, you are sure you aren’t making a fool of yourself and looking like a lovestruck teenager.

Taehyung however – his expression is stoic. He doesn’t say anything else to you or even look at you like Jimin is. Which was probably for the best. You weren’t sure you could handle two impossibly handsome men looking at you at once. Not that it would matter, you sigh internally. They obviously have no interest in the opposite sex otherwise you wouldn’t be here.

“So, y/n,” you turn your attention completely towards Solhyun as she speaks directly to you.

“Mr Park and Mr Kim would very much like to conceive a child with you.” You almost flinch at her straight forward statement but you guessed that in these types of situations, it was probably for the best.

You can’t help the slightly diameter of your eyes when you look back at the two men. “But a-are you sure? I have a family h-” Internally your brain is screaming and throwing popcorn at you. You’re supposed to be selling yourself to them you idiot! Not make them doubt their decision.

“History of breast cancer?” Jimin has already cut you off with a raised eyebrow and a gentle smile. But this time, the smile holds a touch of sadness to it and doesn’t quite reach his beautiful eyes that had such a spark to them. “We are well aware. That doesn’t matter to us. Well, what I mean is, we don’t have too many other options at the moment.”

You search his face for any regret at choosing you because to be honest – that stupidly hurts you. That you were probably a last resort or whatever rubbish your mind is making up right now. But it doesn’t seem that way at least.

“My partner here,” he turns his face to the side to look at Taehyung before continuing, “doesn’t exactly have the most accepting family when it comes to our relationship. They want him to have children so the business can be passed along the generations. And I know, we thought about adopting.” Jimin must have seen your puzzled face as he starts to answer the exact question you had been thinking about. He was very good at reading people, you note.

“But… inconveniently, Taehyung’s father’s will states that the child needs to be biologically his own.” You lock eyes with Taehyung, feeling like a thousand butterflies are flying around inside your stomach at the intensity in his eyes.

“And I… I have always wanted children. Having one that is related to the love of my life would be a dream come true.”

The smile that he sends your way is so bright, so full of love that you feel the tears of longing welling up but you push them back, not about to make a fool of yourself. The way Taehyung is looking at Jimin speak – anyone in the room who was watching them would be able to tell how much in love they were.

“We have been looking for so long but there wasn’t anyone that we could find at this time. But by some miracle, Solhyun told us about you as soon as you had applied. We are aware of your family history but we have contacted our GP and consulted with him. He says that our child can be tested and screened for any potential signs and I assure you,” he leans forward, sincerity written all over his kind eyes, “we will take the best care of our child. And if – god forbid – he or she is diagnosed, we can afford the best treatment. I promise you that.”

You blink. Once. Twice. Three times. Taking in everything that Jimin had just told you. A funny feeling in your stomach each time he addressed to the child that you were going to give birth to as if he had a heartbeat already. But now you understood why someone was willing to take the risk. N matter how small it may be.

“I… I see. I believe that you probably will be able to, I have no doubt.” You give him a reassuring smile, hoping to put him at ease and he mirrors it right back.

“So, do you wish to proceed with the contract after hearing the specifics?” Solhyun interjects when she sense that both you and the couple have understood each other. You nod as Jimin shoots Taehyung a smile and interlocks their fingers together, placing them in his lap. You can’t help but watch the two from the corner of your eyes. The love they had was so conspicuous that even when they weren’t displaying their affections – it was hard to not come to that conclusion yourself.

“Right. The contract will be for 12 months starting from the day of conception – not literally, that just means the day you are confirmed to be pregnant. All of your medical costs will of course be covered by Mr Kim and Mr Park themselves as well as both or at least one of them being present at each of your OB/GYN appointments. All expenses during your pregnancy will be paid by them as well, including but not limited to: Nutrition and health, housing, clothing and in any case there is an injury. You will receive half of the sum upon signing the contract and the rest of the payment of your surrogacy when the baby is safely delivered. In any case you are to miscarry, and it is concluded that the complications were not brought upon by avoidable circumstances, you will be paid in full. You will not have any contact with the child when it is born or have any parental rights after signing this contract unless agreed upon otherwise by the client. You will not have any rights to apply for custody on the basis of being a biological parent. You will not apply for further compensation from Mr Kim or Mr Park after the child’s birth. Do you have any questions?”

You kind of dumbly stare at her for a few seconds, taking everything in. Which was a lot. Both Jimin and Taehyung are looking expectantly at you. Jimin seeming to be more on edge than his partner as he squeezes his fingers in his lap. Solhyun hands you the papers of the terms and conditions she had just read out, letting you see for yourself and have a read through before you signed the contract officially. Your eyes just about bulge out of your head when you see the amount that you were to be paid was well above what you needed for college.

“F-Fifty thousand?!” the disbelief in your voice is perceived completely opposite by Jimin as he worriedly glances towards Taehyung before looking at you.

“Is that not enough? We are willing to pay you more.”

“No!” You clear your throat after embarrassingly almost shouting at them, “No, this is… this is very generous. Thank you.” The frown creasing your forehead is for once not out of sadness, but gratitude.

“No thanking yet, Y/N. We still have to sign the contract.” Solhyun sends you a smile again and she is right. You still have to sign and actually be able to conceive before you are paid in full. “I know this is a lot to take in and come to terms with. Having a child is not easy and giving it away is even harder so remember – you will have a week to think it over after signing the contract to back out if you wish to. Okay?”

You nod, appreciating that you had the option. But the prospect of being fifty grand richer, being able to finally complete your degree and have a career to sustain yourself in the long run has you feeling the minimum amount of resistance as you nod once again.

“Excellent! Sign here.” She is pointing to various pages as you continue to sign the ten page long contract and you notice that there are already two other signatures on each page. Jimin and Taehyung must have already signed the contract.

“Well, that is all now set. Y/N you will now have a week from now to send in a final response by either calling the office or replying to the email we send you. As soon as you do that, your details will be sent to Mr. Kim and Mr. Park and vice versa and your communication will be directly with them. All subsequent meetings with us will be discussed after the finalisation of the contract. Any questions?”

You’re shaking your head at her as you stand up with her. You guessed it was time for you to go. The two men also stand up, shaking your hand once more.

“Thank you, Y/N. I hope to hear from you again.” Jimin shakes your hand with both of his own, his warm hands holding on to yours for a little longer than before.

“As do I.” Taehyung’s deep, mellifluous voice is almost entrancing and you find yourself looking anywhere but at his eyes, afraid that somehow he’ll be able to tell how nervous you were. His long fingers grip your hand in a solid handshake like they had previously. Stuttering a goodbye, you race out of the room, closing the wooden door behind you and heading straight towards the reception to get a copy of the contract for yourself like Solhyun had asked you to before you left. The whole time you’re waiting for the documents to be scanned and printed, your feet are annoyingly tapping against the tiled floor with the amount of adrenaline running through your system. Even the woman scanning and getting the documentation together gives you a look when a particularly loud tap of your flats against the floor sounds through the large reception area. She seems to be taking her sweet time as well. Just as she is finally starting to compile the papers, the wooden doors open and Jimin and Taehyung are walking out, chatting amongst themselves. Taehyung, however, is wearing a frown on his face as he sighs at whatever Jimin has said to him.

When they are in hearing distance to you – you turn your whole body towards the woman stapling the papers together, almost snapping at her to be quicker. You don’t know why you feel like you need to avoid them right now when you will probably mother their child – most likely. So it was going to be a problem if you were going to always be this nervous around them. Just when you think you’ve successfully avoided them, Jimin spots you standing by the counter and puts his hand up to stop Taehyung from saying whatever he had been and walks over to you. Taehyung doesn’t look the happiest as he watches Jimin walk over to you.

“H-hi,” You can’t help the stutter when he comes to stand close to you – close enough that you can smell his heavenly cologne again. But he doesn’t seem to be in the mood for light hearted chatter when he gets straight to the point.

“I really, really hope you don’t reconsider your decision. As much as Tae didn’t seem like he wants this-” He closes his eyes for a second before opening them again and rephrasing himself, “- needs this to happen – he does. It would mean a lot to us if you can help us.”

“Jimin, babe let’s go. We’re going to be late.” Taehyung’s loud voice has Jimin pulling away and after giving you a small, hopeful smile, he waves goodbye and you do the same. It surely didn’t seem like that was the case as Taehyung almost seems annoyed at Jimin’s little pit stop at the counter with you. You watch them walk out together, hand in hand as a sleek escalade pulls up to the office and in they go.

“They’re good men. Been waiting for a while.” You glance back at the receptionist who hands you the documents – finally- and smiles at you. Everyone in this building smiled a lot.

“Oh.” You don’t exactly know what to say since you didn’t exactly know them for long but you could judge for yourself that they weren’t trying to manipulate or guilt you in to being a surrogate for them. They really did just want a child.

You decide to walk to the grocery store from the office before taking a cab home. That should cut down the fare and plus, you weren’t keen on carrying all the bags by yourself.

Today was the last day you had to think it over before giving your final decision. The whole previous week you had to stop yourself from calling the office and saying yes, forcing yourself to take the time you had and really think it over. This would be one of the biggest decisions you made in your life. While you never really thought about having kids of your own or being particularly fond of them, this was still not going to be easy if you didn’t completely make up your mind.

You weren’t stupid and knew that the bond a mother and her child form before and after birth is natural and can be hard to part with unless you make up your mind that this child is not yours and that you were merely a vessel for someone else’s baby. But you were too close to having your life together to not consider this. You would be helping a couple in need and they would be able to provide for their child. It wasn’t as if they can’t afford anything they will ever need to give it the best life.

Your inner monologue is interrupted when your phone rings. The caller ID makes your heart jump in your mouth when you see it’s Solhyun. Gathering yourself, you will your breathing to steady before you pick up the phone.

“Hi Y/N this is Solhyun speaking, how-”

“I’ll do it.” You blurt out before you can stop yourself. You want to bump your head against the wall for sounding like an idiot and cutting her off when she lets out a sound of surprise.

“Oh! That’s great. I will let Mr. Park know. We will wire half of the sum in your account today and you should receive it in the next 3-5 business days. I will also send you the details of the clinic and the date you have to be there for your artificial insemination appointment. Is that all okay?”

“Y-Yeah, of course. Thank you.”

“Alrighty then, I will forward you the couple’s details as well okay? I’ll speak to you soon, dear.”

You say goodbye, hanging up before clutching your chest finally coming to terms with the fact that you were going to be a mother to someone else’s baby. Still trying to wrap your head around the phone call you’d just had when your phone rings again. But this time, it’s an unknown caller. Your eyebrows furrow, wondering who was calling you at 9pm at night.

“Hello?”

“Y/N?” The soft voice that calls your name is unmistakably Jimin’s – and you can hear the smile in his voice as he says your name.

“Mr. P- Jimin?” Even though he can’t see you, you still try to keep a straight face. Maybe more for yourself than anything.

“Hi there. I just,” He lets out a bubbly laugh that has you smiling with him – keeping a straight face a distant thought, “I’m- We’re really, really happy that you want to continue. I just wanted to call you as soon as I could. I hope I didn’t wake you up?”

“No no, I-I was just eating pizza and watching a… I don’t really know what I was watching to be honest.” To that he laughs again.

“That’s good to hear. I just wanted to ask if you want to meet before the appointment at the clinic?”

“Oh, you know when it is?”

“We were emailed the details just now. Sorry, as you can tell, I’m a bit excited.” His nervous chuckle tells you he’s worried that he might make you uncomfortable but you assure him that it’s alright.

“I understand and yes that would be good I think. When would you like to meet?”

“Is Wednesday okay? The appointment is on Friday and that’s the only day I can steal Taehyung away before the appointment.” The mention of Taehyung has you feeling hot all over again. You’re not sure what but when it comes to him, you always want to just shrink in place. Something about the way he looks at you makes you want to stand out as less as possible. Not that he was unkind or mean or anything. He just… didn’t seem as enthusiastic about this as his partner, despite being the one who would actually father the child.

“Yes that’s okay. Where will I be meeting you?”

“There is a bistro near Taehyung’s office that we often go to so I’ll have someone pick you up at 12 for brunch, alright?”

“A-Alright. You don’t have to.” His chuckle is playful and you could listen to it over and over.

“I know, darling. I want to.” The pet name doesn’t go unnoticed by the damn butterflies in your stomach but you will them to settle down because it’s not like it meant anything. Thankfully, they’re distracted easily that night. You both say your goodbyes and hang up. Once again, you’re clutching your heart like you’ve just run a mile. If just talking on the phone was going to have you react like this… you were in trouble.

___________________________________________________________________________

The days pass like a blur and before you know it, it’s Wednesday. Your IUI appointment was set for Friday as it was the day you started ovulating. When you’d received a call back from Solhyun to confirm that you had indeed received the appointment details, you’d made a passing comment about it being so soon – just in passing. She’d reminded you that they had your ovulation schedule on your profile – as was standard for everyone else – and conveniently, you would start ovulating this Friday so they wanted to start ASAP. Which was fine with you honestly. You were just happy that you had received the payment in your account today as well which meant you can finally pay your fees for this last semester – and on time. With every penny going towards the tuition and admission fees, you were left to bank balance of a marvellous $50 for the next two weeks until you got paid again for your administrative job at the local post office. Scanning papers, helping people fill out passport applications, sending parcels and letters for people was your usual work day. It paid you enough to buy groceries and pay your rent so you didn’t complain. Especially landing this sweet 50k gig too.

You make a face at yourself for thinking of birthing an actual baby as just a ‘sweet gig’. That made it sound a tad bit too casual. Contrary to how you felt at this moment, getting out of the fancy sleek number that had been sent to pick you up and bring you to the chic downtown bistro that was a few blocks away from Kim Enterprises. You’d done some of your research and was shocked to find out that Kim Taehyung was the youngest Kim brother – and the one that preferred the limelight the least. You’d noticed how handsome each brother was but even so, Taehyung stuck out the most to you. Even in a boring, probably the least flattering photo that had been uploaded to their Wikipedia page, Kim Seokjin was the eldest and the one that was currently seen in the business a lot, that even you – who watched nothing but horror movies or SpongeBob (there was no in between) – had seen him once or twice on the news that was usually on at the post office. Kim Namjoon had been labelled the brains behind the company’s recent developments according to the article you had been reading and Taehyung – your future baby daddy – was said to be the developing a new branch for the company that was still in the works but was expected to be a huge success due to the brand loyalty and the recognition the family already had. They were old money from the looks of it. And all of them so darn handsome! How? This wasn’t fair.

They would make pretty babies.

“Want to head in? It’s even better inside.” You almost jump out of your skin when Jimin’s melodiously airy voice speaks somewhere near your ears. And now his ears are going red from chuckling at you. Yours are probably already red. “Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.”

Was it possible for someone to look even better just in a span of few days? Did he get a facial or some sort of beauty treatment? Because you swear that he looks even better than the last time you saw him at the office and you didn’t think that was possible for a human being. You must have been staring dumbly since Jimin gives you a concerned look when you don’t move. “I really do apologise. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“No, no, no, I-I’m not scared. I’m really fine. I love horror movies.” The word vomit just comes out like… well, vomit. You sucks your lips between your teeth as you start walking beside him. Very evidently embarrassed at your sudden outbursts. You really needed to take a deep breath and calm the heck down. Jimin doesn’t seem to think you’re an idiot though. At least not outwardly because he only wears a kind smile as he leads you to your table.

“That’s good to hear. Tae loves horror movies too.” He’s pulling out a chair for you before he sits across. Just when you’re about to ask where the man in question is, he’s strutting in like the bistro is his runway. You wish you were exaggerating.

“Sorry I’m late babe. Meeting went overtime.” You watch him lean in, pecking Jimin on cheek sweetly before taking a seat next to him. He’s wearing a dark navy blue blazer with a gold Chanel pin on the breast pocket, hair parted like before and a Rolex on his wrist. Looking like a million bucks. You knew that was a Rolex because you literally read an article that was entirely dedicated to the clothes he owned. Weird. But a very interesting piece, you’re not going to lie. Your conclusion in the end was: he’d make really pretty babies who would probably wear mini kid Rolex’s too. Was that a thing? Could you get a child a Rolex? That probably wouldn’t be very wise because-

“You look deep in thought. Unless you’re just silently judging.”

“You would make really pretty babies.” Gosh darn it. Why couldn’t you put a ziplock on your mouth! However you settle for just slapping your hand over your mouth in embarrassment. Is this how you’re going to be like in front of them? They might as well pull out of the contract for not wanting a crazy woman with no filter to mother their child. Jimin seems to be finding you amusing though, with the smirk that’s on his face. Even Taehyung’s face isn’t as stoic as you had last seen at the office.

“Well,” A playful smile on his face as he looks at Taehyung before facing you again, “at the moment, we’re hoping to make pretty babies with you, y/n.”

You can feel the blood rush upwards from every corner of your body and pool in your cheeks. The way he says your name makes it worse because you long to hear it again. But you know you’re being stupid and probably getting too attached already. You needed to reign it in. You’re getting paid for this. Your gaze still lingers in your lap where you’re fiddling with your fingers restlessly; kind of at a loss for words.

“I’m sorry for him. He’s a bit too excited.” At Taehyung’s deep voice, you look up, a little surprised that he’s actually addressing you directly. You’d thought maybe he’d be the more quiet one just like before. But maybe he was just as nervous as you or apprehensive before. You give him benefit of the doubt.

“Oh please! You’re just as excited babe. Don’t pretend to be all macho.” Taehyung’s disgusted face at Jimin has you unsuccessfully attempting to stifle a giggle but when they both look over at your more relaxed posture, they’re joining in too.

“I’m fine really. I can imagine that you would be. A baby is pretty exciting.” Your soft reply and the smile you give them hopefully conveys your sincerity. You don’t want to sound like you’re forcing yourself to say anything just because you’re getting paid to do this.

“It is. We’re… really happy that you’ve agreed to do this, y/n.” You shrug.

“I am getting paid to do this. I should be thanking you.” It was true. It wasn’t as if you’re going to birth their child out of the goodness of your heart. There may not be any other malicious intent there either – you barely knew them – but you don’t want to act like a saint.

Taehyung and Jimin exchange a look before Taehyung is leaning in further on the table, interlocking his fingers in front of him before he speaks, “No, you shouldn’t. I know it doesn’t seem like you’re doing much because you’re being compensated but – it’s a very big commitment to make for someone. Whether money is involved or not. So really, we appreciate this.”

He wasn’t wrong at all. You just didn’t expect them to understand at such a deep level so quickly. “I suppose you’re right. But I do want to thank you though. Thanks to you guys I can actually graduate.” Jimin claps his hands together at the mention of you graduating.

“We saw on your profile! This is your last semester?” you nod, failing to stop the bright smile stretching across your face. You were just so happy whenever you remembered you were almost there.

“That’s amazing! And I saw you’re studying International relations. That’s very interesting. I did a few sociology subjects at University – I know, not the same but similar – and they were fantastic.” Just then a waiter arrives with your entrees that somehow Jimin had ordered while you’d been speaking to Taehyung.

“This calls for a celebration I believe.” Taehyung, for the first time, smiles. He may have smiled at Jimin first but you think it counts. Especially when the stupid butterflies have started to do the salsa in your stomach again. The mozzarella sticks are so stretchy that you’ve pulled your head back as far as it would go without you falling over.

“I’ve never seen someone actually enjoy these like they’re supposed to. See Tae? You’re a party pooper.” Jimin is adorably scoffing at Taehyung before he picks up another for himself and faces you again. You’re trying to not eat like a slob and remember your table manners but man – these mozzarella sticks are good. No wonder they cost 30 dollars per serving. Money not only looked good, but tasted good too.

“C’mon y/n, let’s see whose string snaps first.” Your eyes widen at Jimin’s casual challenge; eating 30 dollar mozzarella sticks in a posh bistro – him in a suit and you in jeans and a flannel – one of you possibly about to fall over.

“Wait, what? Really?” Taehyung is rolling his eyes like he’s witnessed Jimin do this a thousand times before when he looks to the side with a playfully exasperated smile on his face.

“Yes, really! Okay on 3.” You rush in chewing the one currently in your mouth, swallowing the half chewed mozzarella before grabbing another one. He’s counting to 3 and then you’re both leaning back in your seats, trying hard not to break the cheesy string but continuing to stretch it further. Just when Jimin’s head hits the back of the leather seat, the string snaps and you can’t stop yourself before you’re cheering in place for winning the silly challenge. Half of the cheese stick in your mouth and all.

“Serves you right.” Taehyung is trying to hold back his laughter at Jimin’s defeated face before he turn to you again. “He always does this. No matter the time or place. Babe, wipe that frown off your face. It’s not like you don’t win every single time.”

Jimin is sending a glare at his partner as he wipes his face for any extra cheese or crumbs that might be stuck to the peach fuzz on his face. When he misses a bit of grease on the corner of his mouth, Taehyung is already leaning in with a napkin and wiping the oil off his face with such loving eyes you feel like you shouldn’t be watching such an intimate moment between them. Even though there is nothing seemingly intimate or private about wiping food off of your boyfriend’s mouth. Nonetheless, you divert your gaze, not being able to keep your eyes on them when they seemed to be dozing off in their own world with the secretive glances and whispered words that they were saying to each other.

Noticing the shift in your mood, Taehyung clears his throat, getting your attention before Jimin is once again smiling his sweet bright smile at you. “Apologies, Y/N. Jimin here loves to hoard all my attention.” To which the man in question scoffs playfully and you can’t help but giggle to yourself at the cutest nose scrunch you’ve seen on a grown man. For a moment, you’re tempted to ask the couple if the biological father of the child can be Jimin instead.

But then you remember that it wouldn’t matter because you won’t be the one keeping the child anyway and that realisation has you crashing back down to the present and what a serious matter this is. Perhaps they have been trying to make you comfortable too much – although with good intentions – but the fact remained. This matter was nothing but serious and you had to tread carefully otherwise this seemingly formal matter could get very personal and emotional. Taehyung and Jimin had each other but you only had you.

“No need to apologise. I’m glad to know such a loving couple is going to raise a child together. Luckiest kid, I reckon.” The smile you give is genuine but they both can tell the sentiment in your voice. Perhaps it’s time to get serious.

“Thank you, Y/N. We are happy that someone as smart and bright as you is going to mother our child.” Jimin is sincere, there is no doubt about that. He takes Taehyung’s hands in his own and they both send you comforting looks. “We will take responsibility of you throughout this whole process. You don’t need to worry about anything. You are important to us just as much as the baby you will carry for us. Truly.”

Taehyung leans forward once again to get your attention that had been solely on Jimin while he spoke. Your gaze moves on to his sharper features and for a moment you’re getting lost in his large, twinkling eyes. Not as much as Jimin’s but darn it, he was beautiful.

“I wholeheartedly agree with Jimin. You are young and will need a lot of support because as you’ve said – in your profile – you have no living relative?”

The reminder that you are absolutely alone is not one that you needed at this moment. But you know that they meant no harm in mentioning it. “Y-Yes. My mother passed away 4 years ago.”

“I’m very sorry to hear that. Can’t have been easy.”

“It wasn’t but… I’m doing okay. Thanks to you guys as well.” Your grin is mirrored back to you by them both as you reassure them that you are alright. Just then, the food has arrived getting all your attention. The waiter is wheeling a trolley filled with club sandwiches with the thickest, fluffiest bread you have ever seen and your mouth is already watering. You’d had two spoons of peanut butter this morning for your breakfast in an effort to save money for groceries you will buy before you head home.

“Looks good?” Jimin has a teasing smile on his face as he watches you practically drool over the various sandwiches and the thick cut chips drizzled with some sort of sauce with black bits in it. Pepper maybe?

“This looks like the best meal I’m about to have.” He’s chuckling when you talk without taking your eyes off the food. You admit, you may be being a tiny bit rude here but the food really did look thatgood.

“Bon Appetite.” For a second you thought that someone who spoke fluent French, said that to you but it was only Taehyung. Unless…

“Do you speak French?”

“En effet, madame. Tu as de très beaux yeux.”

For once, Jimin and you wear the same expression – his a bit more… carnal than yours admittedly. There was barely a hint of an accent when Taehyung spoke in perfect french. Though he could have called you a donkey for all you knew but, gosh darn – it was sexy.

Okay, you were officially jealous of Jimin.

“You have very beautiful eyes. That’s what he said by the way.” The comment made you blush but you tried to hide it by taking a sandwich triangle. You admit, for a moment you thought about not eating it because it just all looked so prettybut alas, the loud growl in your stomach decided otherwise for you and Jimin sent you an endearing smile while piling up your plate with a whole sandwich, motioning you to continue.

You sent a sheepish smile their way before picking up a thick cut fry with all its golden crunchy goodness. You still had no idea what the sauce was. But your eyes go wide when you take the first bite and the most delicious tangy, earthy flavours explode in your mouth.

“Like it?” Jimin is all but bursting with joy when you vigorously nod after being frozen on the spot for a few seconds. “It’s a mixture of black and white truffles in a butter sauce.”

Your eyes widen in understanding. No wonder you couldn’t quite place your finger on what ingredient you were tasting exactly. Short answer: rich people food.

“It’s amazing. Never thought I’d be eating anything with truffles let alone fries.” The chuckle breaks free, in amazement before you can stop it until you also remember that truffles are expensive. “Oh gosh. Please tell me this sandwich costs less than $50?” You’d worry about humiliating yourself by asking such a question when you’ve already eaten a quarter of the sandwich – later.

Jimin looks slightly startled but wave you off, “Do not worry about that. This is on us. We did invite you here, after all.” You ponder over it for a moment but let it go when Taehyung also reassures you that their invite meant their shout.

“Well, I feel bad that you’re buying me really expensive sandwiches. Pizza hut would’ve suffice as well.”

As far as you’re concerned, you were totally serious. But the two men opposite you who’re muffling chuckles at your pout has you looking at them with a slight glare to your gaze – already feeling comfortable enough with them to treat them to one of your looks.

“What?”

“Nothing, darling. Pizza hut it is – next time.” Jimin’s charming smile that shoes off the one dimple has you melting on the spot. It takes you a moment to continue to chew before swallowing and thankfully avoiding the risk of choking yourself. Oh and hopefully your face isn’t as red as the tomatoes you’re picking out from your sandwich.

“I really should’ve asked you what you liked before ordering. Sorry.” Never did you think Taehyung would be apologizing for not asking your order before putting it in. But you guess he really didn’t dislike you after all.

“No! It’s all good. I really like everything.” And you did.

The rest of the lunch goes smoothly and you three spend the next hour getting to know each other better. You surprisingly have a very relaxed time and quickly forget the nerves that had been clawing their way up your spine and making you jittery before when you’d been cluelessly standing in front of the bistro. You learn that Jimin had went to a renowned dance academy and had met Taehyung after he’d caught the eye of the bachelor at one of his shows in Paris. Apparently Taehyung had chased the elder until he’d given in and went out on a date with him and that had been 7 years ago. Taehyung had been an Art student and particularly into modern, impressionist, post-impressionist and romanticist art. Particularly, Jean Baptiste had been the one to prompt the teenager to study in France.

First of all, you had no idea what any of the forms – “periods” Taehyung had corrected you – of art actually even existed let alone that Kim Taehyung was into ‘romanticist’ art.  Nonetheless, you learnt that there was, unsurprisingly, much more to them both than meets the eye.

After you three had finished, both men had insisted on dropping you off themselves and thus how you found yourself sitting in a Rolls Royce, trying to sit as still as possible which makes Jimin ruffle your hair from his seat beside you.

“It’s okay. You can breathe if you like.” You just smile shyly at being caught acting weird like you tend to around them and their… wealth to put it bluntly. Jimin always responded lightly and it never failed to put you at ease.

They pull up outside your apartment building and you can’t hide the blush when Taehyung leans his head down slightly to look out the window, inspecting the front of it thoroughly. You don’t want to act embarrassed but you can’t help it after having a glimpse in to the life they lead which was far more... Full than yours. But the reality was that this is where you lived and were most likely going to live for a while so there was no point in being embarrassed. It may not be much but it was all you had.

“So, we will see you on Friday at the clinic? Solhyun told me you have an ultrasound on Thursday though.” You nod, confirming that you have to go in tomorrow before the big appointment.

“The doctor wants to make sure I am ovulating – just in case – before the IUI. If anything changes then you’ll know.” Jimin reaches over, grasping your hand in his warm one and instantly, your heart skips a beat at the way he looks at you. Concern written all over his features.

“Would you like us to be there?” The question takes you by surprise and for a moment you want to say ‘yes, yes I want you both there.’

Because you were scared. But you know that they would just want to know everything themselves and make sure everything went okay for the amount of money they are spending, after all. You would too.

“I-It’s okay. It’s just an ultrasound. I’ll see you both on Friday.” You smile your assurance and squeeze Jimin’s hand, only waving politely at Taehyung before exiting the car. After you’re safely inside the main door is when the car leaves and you have to lean against it to even your breathing.

“God, please let this all go okay. Please.” You hope your prayer isn’t wasted when you will all your sincerity in to it. For your sake and theirs.

“Hi there y/n. I’m Dr. Klarna and I’ll be doing the IUI for you tomorrow. How’re you feeling?”

You let out a deep sigh that feels like it had been trapped in your throat for quite some time. “Nervous. Really nervous but I think I’ll be okay.” You try to smile at her but it seems like she sees right through it when she gives an empathetic look before smiling at you.

“That is perfectly normal, y/n. This is a bit daunting to be doing in your early 20s and it’s okay to feel like that. Just let me know if you feel too anxious and I’ll see what we can do to ease that, alright?” When you nod firmly, she asks you to lay down on the ultrasound bed and begins.

It doesn’t take too long and an hour later, she is back with the results in her office where you’d been waiting anxiously. When she gives you a reassuring smile, your anxiety lessens just enough to let you breathe.

“You are perfectly healthy and ovulating so no need to worry, okay? You’re good to go and I’ll go ahead and forward these to Solhyun, your case manager. Do you have any questions or concerns?”

You just wanted to go home and relax before the anxiety made you puke. You wonder if it’s the ramen you had earlier that’s making you this way or just the nerves making you feel somewhere between sick and hyperactive.

“No, that’s all good doctor.”

“Perfect. I will see you tomorrow at 1PM. Take care of yourself okay?” Her smile is warm and she genuinely seems to be caring. Her greying hair doesn’t dull the beauty she holds with her warm brown eyes and light brown shoulder length hair. Her words hold the warm tone you’d only ever heard whenever your mother had spoken with you and now you want to ask her if she has children of her own. But you opt for only saying a goodbye and taking your leave.

As soon as you are outside, you feel like you can finally breathe. Yesterday, you’d been so enveloped in your conversations with Jimin and Taehyung that this day had seemed so distant in the future than the reality of it being tomorrow. Walking towards the local grocery store had somewhat calmed you down and going over the list of the essentials you needed for the next two weeks had distracted you enough to get through the day. Conveniently you had forgotten yesterday about going to the grocery store and had only remembered when your stomach had growled at 9pm that night and the empty fridge had poured cold water on you reminding you that you forgot to shop. So the peanut butter had to suffice once more.

Maybe the peanut butter was making you nauseous earlier. Hm.

Oh well. You had one last night before the big event tomorrow.

“Y/n!” Jimin’s airy, familiar voice attracts you immediately when he calls your name as soon as you enter the waiting room the next day.

You had been told that that Taehyung and Jimin had been called to the clinic earlier to give a sample of his… well, semen. You can’t even say ‘semen’ in your own thoughts and you were about to have it injected in to you to make a baby. How ridiculous is that? ‘Grow up, y/n! You’re about to grow another human in you for god’s sake.’

However, your internal yelling doesn’t nearly calm you down as much as Jimin’s warm smile and his unexpected hug does. Tentatively, you put your arms around him as well, returning the warm gesture, letting the butterflies in your stomach doing their dance distract you enough to ease your nerves.

“How are you feeling?” He pulls back enough to ask you.

“I-I am okay. A little nervous.” When he raises his eyebrow in concern, a worried smile on his face you sigh, adding, “Okay. A lot nervous. Kinda feeling like I will puke but that’s just my anxiety.” His eyes soften even further and he drops his arms to take a hold of your hand, leading you to the seats in the waiting room.

“You can still say no. Back out of this if you don’t want to do this anymore. Don’t worry about the contract.”

“No! Of course not. I-I still want to.” When the frown on his face doesn’t go away, you assure him again. “For you and Taehyung. Please. I am okay. I promise.”

It takes him a few seconds but he nods, patting your hand and giving you a reassuring smile. “Okay. We will be waiting for you right here.”

Just then, Taehyung appears in front of you two. You and Jimin may have been sitting in silence but you had still missed when Taehyung had walked out of the doctor’s office.

Upon seeing the sombre looks on the both of your faces, his own is turning stony as well. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah. She’s just a bit nervous.” Jimin reassures Taehyung, your hand still in his own as you also stare at Taehyung too.

“What? Getting cold feet already?”

“Tae!”

You don’t have too much time to process his harsh, accusing tone because just then, the nurse is calling your name. And as much as you were nervous before, you’re thankful that you’ve been given an out because you’re not exactly sure what to say to him. You’re nervous enough that you may cry instead of the anger that usually bubbles up in you when someone talks to you that way.

Instead, you squeeze Jimin’s hand, giving him a forced smile and look at Taehyung just once before walking away with the nurse. You can hear Jimin furiously whispering to Taehyung as you’re walking and that only makes you want to walk faster. Not wanting to hear anything they are talking about and feel worse than the way Taehyung’s sudden change of attitude has you feeling.

Thankfully, you’re busy getting changed into the patient gown you’ve been given and settling in the bed, setting your feet up just the way you’d done before at your usual check-up at your gyno appointment. When Dr. Klarna comes back, with her gloves on this time, you can feel the nerves coming back once again. Closing your eyes and taking deep breathes, you will your heart to stop buzzing in your chest and calm down so you don’t pass out.

This really was happening.

“Okay y/n. Keep taking deep breathes for me and try to keep calm. If you feel like you’re going to be sick just let me know okay?” You nod, keeping your breathing relatively stable as you continue to breathe deeply.

“Alright, perfect. So I’m going to insert the catheter in to your vagina, passing your cervix and up to the uterus. It will feel just like a pap smear but it will allow the sperm to swim up straight to the egg and hopefully fertilize it.” You nod once again, watching the thin, long tube that she’s holding.

“W-Will it hurt?” You know it may sound like a juvenile question but you needed to know. You hated needles and even though this was just a tube – it was still going inyou.

“It shouldn’t hurt at all. You may feel like your stomach is slightly cramping but it won’t be unbearably painful. Anything else you want to know before we begin?” She doesn’t sound impatient at all. You know she wants you to be relaxed before she proceeds and you want this to be over with before the nerves come back. So you shake your head at her and she smiles before asking you take another deep breathe.

“Okay, here we go.” Your eyes close on their own and before you can really think too much about it, you can feel the tube being inserted inside you. At one point, the sensation is dull enough that you can’t really feel the tube going any deeper inside. Just when you’re about to ask her how long it will take, she is pulling back – the tube in her hand as she disposes it off.

“All done!” Already?

“Oh. That was quick.” She chuckles at your dumbfounded expression. You really should have done more research. You had opted against it in case you found something that made you too nervous to continue but perhaps this won’t be too bad…

“Yup. It’s pretty simple. Inserting the sperm near its destination and that’s it. You just need to keep laying down for the next hour so we can maximise the chances of the sperm reaching the egg. Do you need some water? Can I get you anything?”

You settle back down on the bed and shake your head at her. “I’m okay. Thank you.”

“Feel free to take a nap if you like.” She’s washing her hands as she gives you a small smile. “I’ll send the nurse to wake you when it’s time.” You thank her again as she leaves and try to relax.

So this was really happening huh? As much as you were starting to feel okay about this – Taehyung snapping at you with such disdain wasn’t exactly bringing your spirits up. Why had he been so angry? All the possibilities of the ‘why’ keep you pondering for the next how many minutes – you’re not sure. Just when you’re dozing off – the nurse comes in and lets you know you can change back in your clothes and are free to go. Lazily, you tug on your jeans and shirt and grab your bag before the nurse comes back again with a clipboard.

“Y/N, dear. Give us a call as soon as you start feeling any of those symptoms okay?” She’s handing you a sheet full of signs of you potentially being pregnant, “Usually it takes about 2 weeks before you start feeling the fatigue, nausea and such – that’s if the implantation has been successful. If we don’t hear from you then Dr. Klarna will schedule an appointment just for a check-up and send you the details. All the details of today will also be forwarded to your case worker.”

You nod, reading over the sheet as she speaks. “Any questions my dear?”

“No, thank you. I will give Dr. Klarna a call as soon as I feel a bit off.”

“Alright then. Take care.” She lets you go with a kind smile that you try to mimic just because she was too nice for you to not smile back. However, your smile is slipping away as soon as you see Jimin on the waiting chairs, head resting back against the wall while he seems deep in thought. Though, as soon as you come in his line of vision, he jerks up, standing just a few steps away from you.

“Y/N… are you alright?”

“Yeah. What are you still doing here?” You really didn’t expect him to stick around after the way Taehyung had reacted. Thinking he would probably take him elsewhere to cool off because surely, his boyfriend was more important than sitting around and waiting for you to be done.

“What do you mean? I wanted to be here for you. Listen…” He’s shifting on his feet, a sigh escaping his lips before he continues, “Taehyung was out of line. Please don’t think too much of it. He just… We’ve been left at the last minute before and he just panicked and thought maybe you… you were leaving us too.”

The way Jimin says ‘us’, the pain in his voice tells you that he’s telling the truth. Out of the two of them, you could safely say that you trusted Jimin more than anyone you had trusted in such a short amount of time. So you give him the benefit of the doubt, just for Jimin.

“Okay. I guess I understand.” You nod at him, forcing on a small smile to ease his worries.

“Thank you. I sent him home to cool off but I didn’t want you to be alone.”

“I…” You try to find the words to respond but you can’t. You had just assumed that you would go home by yourself after the procedure. No second thoughts that one of them might be waiting for you. Maybe you were too used to be alone. And even though this companionship may be temporary – it was still real for the time being. And if Jimin continued to look at you the way he did every time, you might as well kiss your heart goodbye.

“Okay. I’m fine though.” Jimin takes your hand in his, walking out of the clinic without breaking the link between your hands.

“I’m glad. Let me drop you home.”

“It’s okay-” Jimin hushes you while opening the door of his escalade – you assume the car is his own since no driver is in sight.

“No arguments. I’m taking you home.” Biting the smile that’s threatening to break lose, you just look out of the window, murmuring a thanks and let him drive you home.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay with you?” For the tenth time probably, Jimin is asking you this question. His sweet eyes filled with trepidation.

“I will be fine, Jimin.” You stretch your arm across to his seat, using every ounce of courage in you to grab his hand softly to reassure him. Up until now, Jimin has been the one to initiate any physical contact and you had just gone along with it. But this was the first time you were reaching out to hold his hand to convey your sincerity. You were just fine.

“The doctor said I’m okay to do what I usually do in the day.”

“And what is that exactly?” You don’t miss the teasing smirk that’s stretching across his pretty face.

“Well,” you drag out the syllables, racking your brain for what you’re usually doing at this time, “Probably making dinner and watching SpongeBob.” The only way to describe Jimin’s laugh is magical. Magical and contagious because you’re smiling too as he throws his head back, eyes turning in to crescent moons as he mumbles an ‘okay.’

“Don’t laugh! It’s fun.” You can’t help the pout that your lips have turned in to. SpongeBob was a sensitive topic for you. When Jimin Calms down from his fit of giggles, he looks over at you once more, bringing a hand towards your cheek.

His warm finger tips slide against your jaw before his thumb is rubbing just the very slightest on your chin as his index finger holds it. Time seems to have stopped while you try hard not to stare at his plush lips. His own eyes seem to be flicking back and forth from your lips to your eyes. Finally, as if he’s shaken himself out of a trance himself.

“Okay. Take care and call me if you need anything. Okay?” You nod – or you think you do because you seem to be on autopilot at the moment. Damn him for malfunctioning your whole entire brain with just a caress to your chin. Your chin! You really needed to get laid if you were lusting after gay men.

Wait- no. You can’t. Trust you to forget that you’re literally trying to make a baby for them.

“O-Okay I will. I promise.” After a few more seconds of sizing you up, he lets you go, unlocking the door for you to climb out.

You wave bye at him but he refuses to drive away until you are safely inside. Just when you are heading upstairs to your apartment, he drives off.

The familiar but unwelcomed butterflies are back again but you just tell yourself those are ‘cramps’ like the doctor told you.

It’s been 4 days since the IUI and today you’re finally feeling the cramps that Dr. Klarna had told you about. They hadn’t been too intense in the morning but as the day has gone by, the discomfort level had steadily climbed up. You’re in the middle of texting Jimin back – he’s texted every day to make sure you are alright; much to your protest that he didn’t have to – that a particularly nasty cramp makes you double over.

“Ow! Frick…” You’re trying hard to not swear – you didn’t particularly like to – but the pain was so intense that you have to grab the counter of your kitchen with one hand while the other clutches your stomach. You take a deep breath, walking over to your sofa – that’s just a few steps away in your small apartment, thankfully – and sit down.

And just like that – you spend rest of the day either on your sofa watching TV or curling up in your bed -taking random naps. At first – the thought that you might be pregnant goes through your head immediately but then you remember reading on the sheet that the chance of you being pregnant this early on is very rare. So instead, you just suck it up and also remember that you should be getting your period in just over a week if you’re not pregnant so the cramps could be explained by that. Even if you’ve only ever gotten cramps a day or two before your period. Nonetheless, you didn’t want to raise a false alarm.

It’s 10PM at night when you receive another message from Jimin, asking if you’re okay. You realise that you had forgotten to press send to your text earlier in the morning and probably worried him more than he already does. Quickly texting him back, you grab your pajamas, heading to the toilet to change. A few minutes later, you’re ready for bed and before you know it – already dreaming about a certain someone kissing the hell out of you.

The next morning – you blame the hormones for that particular dream.

It’s the 9thday after the procedure that you see the blood smeared on your underwear and your heart drops.

“What…” Your breathing has picked up and it feels like your throat is closing up at the thought of you not being pregnant if you’re getting your period already. It’s irrational, you know. The Doctor had warned you that you may not get pregnant on the first try but you had never really entertained the thought too much. Dismissing it as being not the case for you when she’d told you that it likely won’t be since you’re so young. However, the cramping… the mood change and now blood. You had to be getting your period right? Maybe the IUI messed up your period symptoms a bit but it was close enough to your period that this could be it. You were spotting already.

Quickly rushing out of the bathroom, you hastily punch in the number of the clinic, knees bouncing with anxiety as you hear the ringing. “Hi! May I speak to Dr. Klarna please? I-It’s y/n. Please tell her it’s y/n.”

“Alright, just a second please.” Whoever is on the line is thankfully not making a fuss – probably because of your panicked voice. So you calm yourself down; taking deep breathes.

“Y/n?”

“I’m bleeding.” The words come out before you can even greet her properly.

“Okay, Y/N, that’s alright. Don’t panic. How much are you bleeding?”

“J-Just spotting. I think I may have my period.” There is silence over the other line for just a few seconds too long to make you start self-fulfilling your theory.

“I’ve booked you in for today at 4:30. Are you okay to come down to the clinic y/n?”

“Yes. Yes I’m okay with that.”

“Perfect. Just wear a pad for now if the bleeding is too much. No tampon. I’ll see you soon okay?”

“Okay.” You’re nodding to yourself, thanking her before hanging up.

What if you weren’t pregnant? You didn’t want to disappoint Jimin and Taehyung. Would Taehyung even speak to you if you weren’t pregnant? What if you had to pay all the money back? You’ve already deposited it to your college and had no idea how you’ll get 20k back if there is something wrong with you and this all doesn’t work out.

“Oh god...” Taking deep breaths, trying to stay calm, you force yourself to have a drink of water and not think about all the what-ifs that will drive you mad. Instead, you put on SpongeBob and let the silly cartoons take your mind off of what could be happening to you.

“Your results should be done any minute. I’ll go and have a look, okay?” You nod, sitting on the examination bed of Dr. Klarna’s office once again. “Mr Park and Mr. Kim are outside.”

At the mention of the two men, your heart rate is rising once again. But it was only logical for them to be here, you suppose. “They are asking to see you. Would you like me to send them in?”

“I- Okay.” As much as your nerves are telling you otherwise – if you couldn’t face them then you would have an even bigger problem when it came to the time of breaking the bad news to them. She gives you a nod before she’s leaving the office. Taking in a deep breath, you prepare yourself for their arrival.

Just a few short minutes later, Jimin is entering the office – a beige trench coat adorning his lithe frame, making him look bigger than he was. And a few seconds later – Taehyung’s taller frame and sharper features are in your view as well. His face is passive and you’re not sure how to greet him. Jimin however, is rushing to your side – taking your hands in his own as he stands close enough that you can smell his cologne.

“Are you alright? We heard you felt unwell and came as soon as we could.” The smile that finds its way on to your face is something natural – something uninhibited that Jimin seems to pull from you and no matter how much you trained yourself to not melt in to a puddle, you still turned putty whenever he had his hands on you. Which was more often than not.

“I-I’m okay. I was just,” taking a deep breath as you look down at both of your hands, trying to earn the courage to say the words, “I was bleeding this morning.”

You know that Jimin is smart enough to realise what that could mean and you don’t need to look at his face to see the disappointment that might lurk there. However, while trying to not look at Jimin, you can see Taehyung instead in your view and you can see the negative emotion in his face more clearly than what you think you’ll find on Jimin’s

“I’m so-”

“Mr, Kim, Mr Park.” Dr Klarna had just entered the room then, nodding at both of the men with a bright smile on her face as she glanced to her clipboard and then back to you and Jimin.

“Doctor, is she okay?” Jimin lets go of your hands, walking more towards where Taehyung stood to hear what she had to say.

“She won’t be feeling so hot for the next few weeks though.” Her smile is getting bigger and so is your confusion.

“Congratulations. Y/n is pregnant. You and Mr. Kim are expecting.”

Oh.

A/N: Thanks 4 reading !!! Next chapter will be posted this time next week :) hope everyone had a lovely christmas!

[bafflinghaze]

Original M/M Fic Recs

organised by rating 👀 I may have recommended some of these before, but they’re just so good. Like, seriously 👀 👀

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Raindrops In The Desert

Diamond_Raven | 230k, Explicit

After years of bad experiences with doms, Scott decides to stop having sex. Unfortunately, his attempt at celibacy only succeeds in frustrating himself and his detective partner Ryan, who happens to be a dom. When Ryan offers to be Scott’s dom, the arrangement seems like a good solution to Scott’s problem. What neither of them are counting on is falling in love.

Contains: caring dom/sub, friends first, mutual pining, fluff, kink negotiation, aftercare

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With Love in Mind

TuppingLiberty | 82k, Explicit

Tongue stuck between his lips, his mind goes quiet for a few precious moments as he concentrates on the polish. He sighs with happiness when he’s done, admiring his toes, wishing he could wear the color on his nails. Graeme Webster, 20, is clawing at survival the best way he can. He works two jobs, but can’t make rent. He has an anxiety disorder, but can’t afford his meds. He’s trying his best, but he needs help.

“You might be leaning on urban geekster a bit too hard.” “Okay, I’m probably going to regret asking, but ‘geekster?’” “Geek-hipster. Geekster.” Alan Garry, 30, is an app programming millionaire with a middle class background. He may be a workaholic, but he’s carved out time for the Seattle kink scene since being introduced to it in college. He sits somewhere on the asexual spectrum, and the fact that he can’t figure out precisely where bothers him more than he’d care to admit.

“It’s going to be okay, Graeme. Where do you hurt the most?” An unfortunate chance encounter brings them together, but they realize quite quickly that neither of them are willing to part again.

Contains: caring dom/sub, sugar daddy, fluff, kink negotiation, aftercare

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Collateral

LauraSFox | 93k, Explicit

Jake is young, wild, and runs with his brother's bad-ass gang. But he has a secret he needs to hide. When he is saved from a rival gang by a guy with eyes blue as the summer's sky, all dressed up in an Armani suit and moves like Bruce Lee, the walls he carefully built around him start to crumble.

Contains: sugar daddy, Romance, some violence (happy ending), first times

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And Then There Were Five

DarkSparx | 75k, Mature

Ricky is a low ranked demon who's ex husband cheated on him. Seven years later, he learns that they're still technically married, but due to demon law, he's now the property of his ex's current husband. What's more, they have two more husbands for him to meet. How is Ricky going to climb the ranks of demon society when he's suddenly thrust into a polygamist marriage that he never asked for?

Contains: Demons, Mild magical elements, M/M/M/M/M, Angst

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The School Idol's Roommate

At 12 MN | 137 Episodes (tapas), Mature

After getting his heart broken, Aki closed the doors to his heart. But his life was thrown upside down when he started living with the most popular guy on their campus.

Contains: Romance, Mutual Pining, Flat mates, Angst, Fluff

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Daz The Destroyer Conquers Prom

Fair_Feather_Friend | 8k, Teens and Up

When Melchior Gordon is faced with the prospect of either attending prom alone, or not going at all, he summons a demon to escort him.

Daz the Destroyer is not the date Melchior expected.

Contains: Demons, Cinderella elements, Fluff, Light-hearted humour

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Old World Coffee

Daniellecluck | 15k, Teens and Up

Since he was a vampire, working the night shift at a slow 24 hour coffee shop had seemed like a good idea to Aleks at first. No need for sleep meant it's not like he had anything better to do, might as well try to earn easy rent money somehow. However, some new customer turns out to be a bit more tiring than he'd like, meaning he might actually have to both care and make an effort to survive this.

Contains: Vampires, Fae, Hunters, Coffee Shop, Humour, Enemies to Friends to Lovers

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Instinctual

Only_1_Truth | 209k, Teens and Up

Inside a Werewolf pack, Omegas are prized: they calm everyone around them, like a cool sea on a hot day, making it possible for that many people with fanged alter-egos to live together.  The problem is, no pack ever has more than one Omega.  

Marcus Rushton lost his pack, and has been learning the hard way how impossible it is to find another one when you’re an Omega.  What he’s learning even more is that a lone Omega is wrong - an aberration.  A threat.  Loved within packs, without one, Omegas are seen like blood in the water, and he’s already spilled enough of it whenever he’s stumbled upon others of his kind…

Werewolves can look very human, and mingle freely with their human counterparts, but Declan Fen (a resident Alpha who just found out that he’s got a lone Omega in his territory) is learning the hard way that Wolf instincts can override just about anything - even the side of him that says he should be nice to Marcus, whom he’s only just met.

Contains: Werewolves, Angst, Fluff, Modified A/B/O dynamics, dom/sub undertones

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can't turn away

carmiros (lemonlee) | 38k, Teens and Up

A love story between a college student and a bookstore owner with an absurd amount of cats.

Contains: FTM Character, Cats, Fluff, Romance, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn

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Like & Subscribe

Jay Bell | 8 Episodes (tapas), Teens and Up

Remember that hunky guy on YouTube who caught your eye? The one with the awesome pecs and killer smile? I bet you couldn't stop watching his videos. Just imagine if you had a chance to meet him and all your fantasies started coming true. There's only one catch: Between you and your dream guy is his less-than-pleased boyfriend. They say that love conquers all, but can love conquer love?

Contains: Pre-romance, Mild Angst

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Shut Up, Cinderella

Rubyleaf | 45 Episodes (tapas), Teens and Up

A grumpy Cinderella and a childish prince—what could possibly go wrong?! Cinder is a young shoemaker who just wants to do his job. The only one to support his irresponsible stepmother and stepsisters, the last thing on his mind is the prince's ball. He'd much rather stay home alone and clean...too bad his fairy godmother has other plans and drags him to the ball against his will! It's love at first sight—for Gem, the prince. Cinder just hopes to never see the obnoxious guy again. Too bad Gem is such a hopeless romantic that he searches the entire country for his mysterious guest...and winds up enlisting Cinder's help as a shoemaker to find the owner of the one shoe he kept from his crush? The pay is good, but for how long can Cinder hide his identity while pretending to help the bratty Gem? And what happens when the two start finding common ground after all? At this rate it won't be long until Cinder is hard pressed for his sanity...

Contains: Humour, Oblivious Prince, Romance, Fantasy/Cinderella Elements, Friends First

[aslanjadecarlyle]

friendly reminder that call me by your name is one of the worst books to ever exist

Don’t believe me? Here’s my review that I left on Goodreads in September. Have fun (or not).

https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2770610798?book_show_action=false&from_review_page=1 A grand total of: 1 Star ⭐️ My Review: (Edited To Add: When I first read this book, I, at the very least, thought that the author, Andre Aciman, was part of the LGBT+ community, but... NOPE! Asshole is a fucking STRAIGHT MAN. MOTHERFUCK.) And the most disappointing read of the year goes to... Lads, I hated this book. Absolutely fucking hated it. Hated it, hated it, hated it. Words cannot describe how much I fucking regret reading this book — it just might be one of the worst books I have /ever/ read. I literally cannot deal. There were a few different reasons why I hated this book, all of which I will go into, but there was one reason why I hated it most of all, and I’ll put that reason here: Elio. I. COULD. NOT. STAND. HIM. OH MY GOD. This asshole. Full disclosure, before I go on, I am asexual as fuck. I do not feel sexual attraction, never have, probably never will. I am also sex-repulsed — However, I AM sex-positive. Normally, I do not give a single fuck what people do in their sex lives as long as everything is legal and consensual, and as long as it doesn’t involve me. However, this little asshole was a motherfucking CREEP. I get it. He’s 17. Most 17 year olds who actually do feel sexual attraction are horny as fuck, all day, every day. They probably, like, look up porn and shit — before PornHub, there was Playboy. Can’t relate, but okay. It’s whatever. BUT THAT DOES NOT EXCUSE ANY OF WHAT THIS KID DID. (Pretty big spoilers from here on out, heyo). Right, so he pretty much starts lusting after Oliver 0.2 seconds after meeting the dude. It is literally your textbook definition of instalust, and if you looked it up in the dictionary you would see Elio’s face (do we ever even learn his last name???) in the dictionary. He starts fantasizing about Oliver’s cock right off the bat. Fine. Creepy, but whatever. I thought his little comment comparing Oliver’s ass and balls to an apricot was pretty cringey (he literally went as far as to call it Oliver’s “apricock”), but I would EASILY take a million apricocks over the bullfuckery (no pun intended) that happens next. But first, before we even get into the cringey sex shit, I would like to point out that there is a point somewhere in the beginning part of this book where Elio literally wishes that, “Oliver was a cripple in a wheelchair so he couldn’t run away.” If that’s not the direct quote, it’s pretty damn close. UMMM. Nice dose of casual ableism there, but okay. Moving on. Okay, so basically the context of the relationship is that Elio is a kid from Italy, and during the summer his parents run a vacation home. They rent out some rooms in the house, including Elio’s bedroom (he temporarily moves into a smaller spare bedroom whenever this happens). Oliver is an American and he’s vacationing in Italy for like 6 weeks, so they rent out Elio’s room and he moves into the spare during this time. Fantastic. So, pretty quickly after Oliver moves in for the summer, Elio catches him wearing swim trunks. Totally normal, it’s summer, it’s hot, and Oliver is staying at a resort near the beach. He is totally justified in wearing swim trunks during this time. Except Elio takes things to a whole new damn level, and after seeing Oliver in these evidently very sexy swim trunks, he sneaks into Oliver’s room. His justification of this very brilliant decision is basically, “Well, it’s actually MY room and he’s just borrowing it so I am TOTALLY JUSTIFIED in going through his belongings.” Right. Anyway, so this kid starts snooping through Oliver’s room (I will be calling it Oliver’s room during this review since he’s renting it). He starts snooping through their guest’s clothes and shit, starts going through his closet... and, lo and behold, what is the very first thing Elio finds in said closet? The very smexy swim trunks. (They’re red, in case you wanted to know). And so. What does Elio do upon finding these sexy red swim trunks? This absolute treasure among treasures? First, he takes the swim trunks out of the closet. And then... He :) holds the swim trunks up to his face :) and INHALES the scent of the inside of the crotch area :) where Oliver’s dick goes. :) BONUS POINTS: He also narrates that he wishes! he could find! “some sort of bodily fluid or a pubic hair!” 😍 I mean, what a guy, hey? *TV Announcer Voice* BUT! THAT’S! NOT! ALL! So while Elio is in Oliver’s room, he, naturally, has to strip naked and try on Oliver’s swim trunks. Because that is very clearly the next step in creepiness after inhaling some random dude’s cock-smelling swim trunks like it’s a goddamn Yankee candle. But that’s not even the weirdest thing that happens. I can’t remember if this happened before, during, or after Elio tried on the trunks (this entire scene was a goddamn nightmare — one of many), but at some point before leaving Oliver’s room, Elio gets on the bed, finds a pillow that Oliver brought with him, and :) dry humps :) the goddamn thing. :) Literally puts it between his legs and rides it out like a goddamn pony. Why I didn’t stop reading at that point, I will never know, but sometime after all this happens, a sort-of relationship forms between Elio and Oliver (more like a summer fling). I have no idea what Italy’s age of consent laws are, so that’s really not my place to say — I don’t want to seem like I’m defending the situation, and I know that most of my rant has been about Elio, but I just... the whole situation is really hard to judge, in my opinion. Oliver’s in his early 20s so the age gap isn’t HUGE huge, but he is American while Elio is Italian, different countries with different laws, so like... that further muddies the age of consent shit. But, even if the ages WEREN’T a problem, the relationship itself is a goddamn train wreck. Overthinking it all highkey stresses me out. Instead, Imma just tell y’all about an ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING thing that happened afterwards because WHAT THE FUCK. WHY WAS THIS IN A FUCKING BOOK. OH MY GOD. (I feel like I’m radiating strong Gus from How To Be A Normal Person vibes right now and, honestly, I need my inner Gus to get me through this shit because WHAT THE FUCK). So, they hook up and have sex for the first time. Whatever. I don’t even know what the fuck happened because, honestly, the writing style was not the best (I’ll rant about that later, if I make it through this shit) and they did this thing where they called each other by each other’s names during sex (which is, I guess, where the title comes from — hardy har har). The idea is fine in retrospect, but between the name-swapping and the shitty writing style, the scene overall was very confusing to read. All I got out of it was that Elio bottomed and Oliver topped. (<—— Almost accidentally typed Gus there and, um, Gustavo Tiberius deserves better than that. I am so sorry, Gus). After they have sex, Elio starts to question whether that was a good idea, whether he was actually into Oliver like that, etc., etc.. And at some point during all of this — I don’t even know how or why this became a thing — he ends up fucking a peach. You read that right. He :) fucks :) a :) peach. :) Like, I’m talking, splits it open and just! shoves his cock right on through! He even cums in the damn thing! ... And, like, I have never seen the movie, but I looked it up, AND THAT SCENE IS IN THE GODDAMN MOVIE. LITERALLY COMES UP AS “THE PEACH SCENE.” WHY. WHY. WHY. WHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHY. What kind of American Pie, 50 Shades bullshit did I just read AND WHY DID ABSOLUTELY NO ONE WARN ME ABOUT IT. Oh, and, uh, Oliver eats the peach. Just. Gobbles that thing up like it’s his favorite piece of goddamn candy. At that point, my soul just kinda detached itself from my body and plummeted straight into hell. I have become numb to any sort of emotion, and I am never touching a goddamn peach ever again, oh my god. So um. Yeah. Outside of the creepy sex shit and questionable age shit, the book was actually boring as fuck. I thought I would actually like the Italian setting, but nope! Outside of being traumatized, I have absolutely no recollection of what happens after Oliver and Elio go to Rome together. All I remember is that I’m pretty sure the ending was bullshit. And the writing style was Not Great either. The author tried SO HARD to be stupidly poetic and it absolutely did not work in the goddamn slightest (especially during the sex scenes, with fruit and otherwise). The paragraphs were super long and rambling, and the author went through patches of writing where he just. Straight up did not break the paragraphs at all when a conversation happened. I read whole paragraphs where I had no idea who was talking because it went back and forth so much. I have no idea if that was done as a stylistic choice, but it was bullshit and I’m judging everyone who liked it. Why??? Did this??? Goddamn book??? Become a movie??? I have never wanted to roundhouse kick a book into the goddamn ocean so badly. I regret ever buying it. I regret not stopping after the goddamn swim trunks shit. I want my money back. In conclusion, to sum up this goddam monstrosity of a book: WHY. (If you want better LGBT+ books, please consider reading How To Be A Normal Person by T.J. Klune, A Light Amongst Shadows by Kelley York & Rowan Altwood, or A Gentleman’s Guide to Vice & Virtue by Mackenzi Lee, just to name a few. They are all SO much better than this goddamn... experience... and do not include questionable age laws. And also, the first two titles are written by indie authors who are part of the LGBT+ community!)

[mydisenchantedeulogy]

Trouble [Hector Doyle]

Warning: This has absolutely no real direction, other than being smut. It haunted me in my dreams until I wrote it.

With the inmate breathing down the back of her neck, Minatsuki knew in hindsight it had been a mistake to refuse the offer from Mr. Tokugawa to go home early. But she desperately needed the money.

She’d been working overtime at the underground arena for a week now, trying to collect enough money to pay her landlord back for extending her rent. It wasn’t the greatest occupation, but it was easy money; sweeping the stands and cleaning up whenever there was a fight.

Honestly, she was grateful for her new job, and the kindness Natsue Orochi showed her by convincing her husband to find one for her – Mr. Tokugawa and Doppo were close friends she was told. This is why Minatsuki was happy to swab the floor of the entrance ramp; she already finished two of the four before she noticed her boss center stage of the octagon.

He was standing with a tall man – unmistakably a foreigner – who she had never seen before. A logical guess was that he was the old friend Mr. Tokugawa said he was going to lunch with, but Minatsuki, being honest with herself, doubted the old man had many friends that she didn’t already know about. She mopped closer to the entrance of the ramp in hopes that she could satiate her curiosity by overhearing their conversation, which is why she didn’t hear the footfalls behind her until the person they belonged to leaned forward and tapped her on the shoulder.

“I believe you are in the wrong place at the wrong time,” a soft English voice stated.   

Minatsuki gasped in shock; her entire body shivered uncontrollably. Their breath – which smelled of sake – on her bare neck brought goosebumps to her skin. She didn’t understand exactly what she was feeling, just that whoever this person was brought her into a state of panic. The helpless, young woman couldn’t even compel herself to speak, not even when the stranger leaned into her and whispered into her ear.

Her eyes widened. Did she hear them right? He – she told herself – was asking her if she was the person who could give him what he wanted. This made her stomach churn with dread. Not only did she not know what he wanted, Minatsuki also didn’t know what he meant. Was he being a pervert, or was this some kind of western phrase she didn’t understand? Either way, she furiously shook her head no.

He blew into her ear, unintentionally causing her to stiffen. She was embarrassed to admit that the action felt almost pleasurable.

“No,” he restated softly. “Then you should leave before you get yourself into trouble.”

Again she shook her head. She couldn’t, not yet. Mr. Tokugawa might not like her leaving in the middle of a job, even if he offered her to leave in the first place. Opening her mouth to speak, she felt her throat constrict before she even got the first word out, taking a crack at the English she learned in middle school. “Not yet. I h-have to finish.”

Minatsuki took a wobbly step forward and spun around, clutching the mop handle against her chest. Her narrowed eyes met his with an irritated gleam. “Better yet … you leave. I just mopped this floor and your tracking I don’t know what all over it.”

The red headed foreigner widened his eyes and diverted them to his feet, lifting a boot. He was indeed tracking mud on her clean floor. “My apologizes. I didn’t see a sign.”

Because there isn’t one. She hadn’t put it up yet. Minatsuki, feeling embarrassed, averted her attention; the westerner made her feel like a trapped mouse waiting to be devoured. “I should finish up. If you’d be so kind as to move, I’d appreciate it.”

He thankfully did as told and moved around her. She didn’t have to look back to know where he was going – it was obvious. His business was none of hers, and so Minatsuki continued to mop, trying her best not to get involved with whatever was going on behind her.

--

Stupid … this is the exact opposite of what I said I was going to do. Minatsuki cursed herself for her lack of restraint; she was merely curious.

Who was this foreigner that she had met? She searched the online news site from her phone while she waited for the metro. So far, nothing came up. This wasn’t much of a surprise; she honestly had no idea who she was looking for. He may not be someone of importance – she only assumed so because he knew of the arena. All she could remember about him was his bright red hair and matching eyes.

Such a pretty color for a man such as him. By this she was referring to his good manners. He certainly didn’t seem like the type to apologize for anything – it took her completely off guard. Minatsuki just couldn’t get his intense gaze out of her mind. She huffed in annoyance and took her failure to locate him as a sign to stop. Besides, the subway was pulling into the station.

Minatsuki waited patiently for her turn to board, then squeezed into a tight space at the rear of the last car. She was thankful to be given a hanging strap to hold on to and faced the end door, nose buried in her phone – the ride would be 20 minutes from this station to the next. While she waited, she sent a quick message to her friend in Shibuya asking to meet him at the store for a late lunch. He replied back quickly – what are you thinking? – but before Minatsuki could answer, a memorable voice interrupted her.

“Do you have the time?”

“It’s 9:20,” she answered while keeping her eyes glued to the screen. The hair on her arms stood up in fright. This was all too familiar to her. She willed herself to look into the reflection of the window and visibly shook. The same red haired man was standing directly behind her.

They stared ineptly at one another for a good minute or two until Minatsuki couldn’t much take the silence.

“Did you follow me?” She lowered her voice so that none of the other passengers could listen in, hoping that he’d get the message.

The westerner shook his head no. “It’s merely a coincidence that we’re on the same tube.” Leaning in he inhaled the scent of her dark hair. “However, I saw you on the ramp and followed you inside. Did you know you smell like the arena … of blood? It wouldn’t be hard for someone like me to stalk you, had I been.”

Minatsuki felt her face turn warm. “Stop that. It’s super creepy.” She shook again as he blew in her ear. Frankly, she was a little unnerved at what he said. Blood … I don’t smell it. Taking a deep breath through her nose, she curled it in disgust. Body odor from the man asleep to her right, and the faint scent of cigarettes from the foreigner were about the only things she could smell.

To her surprise, he grasped her by the hip and pulled her against his chest. She whined in protest, about ready to spin around and smack him upside the head, but his intense stare made her rethink this action. The same dread she felt earlier churned her stomach.

“What do you w-want?”

He reached up with his other hand and traced along her jaw. “I want to taste defeat; you can’t give me that.” The hand on her hip sank beneath the edge of her dress and between her legs. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t have a need for you.”

“The hell do yo–

Covering up her mouth, he shushed her before she could bring attention to them. She watched the stranger in shock through their reflection as he motioned with his head to the sleeping man across from them. Noticing him rousing, Minatsuki stiffened up. She didn’t want to be caught in such a lewd position with a stranger.

But I can’t just let him continue this. She didn’t know this man, or what he was capable of. On the off chance, he’d panic if she called for help. However, she knew this to be untrue, because she saw him with her boss earlier. Anyone with connections to Mr. Tokugawa were dangerous. This fact alone made her consider doing nothing at all; let him take advantage of her. Minatsuki was too afraid to admit that she might enjoy it.

Her decision was made for her the moment he slid his tongue over the length of her ear. She sighed through her nose and wobbled back into him. It felt delightful, almost enough to make her eyes roll up.

The stranger teased her as he pressed his fingers against the thin cloth of her cotton panties – Minatsuki was already a little wet from the attention he was giving to her – stroking over her clit with deep, tender movements. She made a panicked noise behind the palm of his hand and when he thankfully removed it, she gave him a stern glare.

“I can’t breathe.”

He released her ear and grinned. “Keep it between us and I won’t have to cover your mouth.”

Kind of hard when your practically fingering me. She rolled her eyes, but almost squeaked as the foreigner moved aside her panties and slipped a thick finger into her pussy.

“You’re a tight fit,” he stated with a chuckle. His finger hooked then flattened, rubbing against her inner walls. “Relax a little, or this is going to hurt.”

Minatsuki scowled at him again, but made an effort to do as he had requested. It thankfully didn’t bother her so much when he added a second finger, repeating the action. Her hips bucked forward in pleasure.

“Why are you doing this? H-have you no idea h-how disrespectful you are being? This is a metro; people don’t h-have sex on public metros.”

“Should I have followed you home? Would that have made it any easier for you?”

She couldn’t believe him. No, it wouldn’t have made this any easier. Not to complain, but he didn’t exactly answer her question either. Why was he doing this to her?

His fingers went idle as he stared at her. Minatsuki realized he was awaiting an answer, and shook her head. This was frustrating. She wanted to get off. Her hand slid down between her legs and began coxing his fingers into a steady pace.

He took the hint and pushed them knuckle deep inside of her, thrusting hard enough to bounce her small breasts. She panted and softly moaned as the coil in her stomach tightened. It felt so enjoyable; beyond anything she could grasp at the moment.

Minatsuki bent forward and utilized the hanging strap as she rocked her hips to excite her clit. Her muscles were beginning to tighten; she was close.

“Please … almost there. Don’t stop,” she begged. Warm tears gathered in the corner of her eyes.

A few seconds later, her orgasm came. Minatsuki nearly cried out as an intense, pleasurable feeling devoured her, compelling her eyes to roll up in bliss. Exhausted pants left her slightly parted mouth as she came down from her high. She thought her legs might buckle from the lack of sensation, but the stranger brought her against his chest and allowed her to rest for a moment – the absence of his fingers made her shiver in discomfort.

A lazy snort left her. “That was messed up. I don’t even know your name.” All she knew about him was that he was somehow affiliated with her boss.

“It’s Doyle,” he told her.

She glanced at him in the window. Doyle. She wasn’t sure if this was his last name, or his first. Either way, there was now a name to go with his face.

“I’m Minatsuki … in case you were wondering whose body you were knuckles deep in just a moment ago.”

Doyle laughed at this. “Minatsuki. Can’t say I am disappointed. Though, I never thought I’d spend my day knuckles deep in someone, as you put it.”

She too chuckled. In a way, she was a little flattered.

[sciencespies]

9 ways today's society is like the one that filled Earth with garbage in WALL-E

https://sciencespies.com/humans/9-ways-todays-society-is-like-the-one-that-filled-earth-with-garbage-in-wall-e/

9 ways today's society is like the one that filled Earth with garbage in WALL-E

More than 10 years after it was released, watching Pixar’s film WALL-E today is a chilling experience.

The backdrop of WALL-E and EVE’s robot love story is a dystopian society where humans have abandoned Earth to their trash and left robots to clean up while they cruise space.

When the much-loved animation came out in 2008, it was a bittersweet warning to use less, move more, and stop staring at the damn screen.

But we obviously didn’t heed it too well, because as of 2019, we already have an uncomfortable amount in common with the futuristic humans aboard the Axiom spaceship.

The one thing the film’s creators were way off on? The timeline. WALL-E is set in 2805 (humans left Earth in 2105), but according to some key measures, we might not be that far off in reality.

Here are nine signs we’re going down the same path as the humans in WALL-E.

1. We can’t stop buying stuff

Thanks to technological and social advances, every day more people are moving out of poverty and into the consumer class. We’re also living in a more peaceful time than ever before. What do we do with all that extra time, energy, and money?

We consume.

(Walt Disney Pictures/Pixar)

The average US household now owns 300,000 things; 10-year-olds in the UK have 238 toys – but only play with around 12 of them. We shop so much, we increasingly have to rent off-site storage units. And then every few seasons we throw it all out and start again.

With the internet opening up new avenues for consumption – shopping on Instagram, influencer-inspired buying, and now even publishers telling us what to buy – it’s not hard to imagine how our desire to buy new things is overwhelming the planet.

The Buy n Large tagline “Too much garbage in your face? There’s plenty of space out in space!” playing on loop in WALL-E could easily apply.

We never see the humans of the film before they leave Earth for the Axiom, but based on the waste and omnipresent advertising they leave behind, it’s safe to say they liked to shop, too.

More

So is there a way to keep shopping and avoid that fate? Probably not – in the United Nations’ (UN) draft Global Sustainable Development Report 2019, researchers argue that this consumerist system isn’t compatible with protecting the planet.

“Economies have used up the capacity of planetary ecosystems to handle the waste generated by energy and material use,” the report explains.

2. We’re drowning in our own waste

The major plot line of WALL-E is that Earth has been overrun with garbage, making it unsuitable for plant or animal life. The WALL-E robots were tasked with cleaning it up, while humans enjoyed a five-year off-planet cruise (which, spoiler alert, ended up lasting centuries).

While we may not have city-sized trash mounds today, that doesn’t mean we don’t have a problem with the waste we’re spewing out into the environment.

(Walt Disney Pictures/Pixar)

Pollution is already one of the leading causes of death worldwide, killing 9 million people each year and predicted to get worse. A World Health Organisation study last year found that 93 percent of children on the planet are now breathing in polluted air.

With plastic waste and rubbish choking our plants and animals, and human-induced climate change increasing ocean acidification and forest fires, the planet is becoming a less friendly place for life – even our own fertility rates are dropping.

And it’s only going to get worse, with China soon refusing to take in any of the nearly 4,000 shipping containers of waste the US sends each day for recycling.

3. We’re dominated by mega companies

In WALL-E, society has become dominated by a mega conglomerate punfully called Buy n Large, or BnL. By the time Earth is abandoned, BnL has become so omnipresent, it not only covers cities with its advertisements and discarded products, but also owns the spacecraft humans leave on. It also has the power to declare global emergencies.

(Walt Disney Pictures/Pixar)

Today, there are just a handful of megacompanies that have huge power of the rest of us and our futures, capable of driving fake news, opioid crises, and covering up climate change.

In fact, just 100 companies are responsible for 71 percent of the world’s greenhouse gas emissions.

And while the whole space thing might sound futuristic, don’t forget retail giant Amazon not only sells billions of products to consumers all around the world, its founder Jeff Bezos also owns Blue Origin – an aerospace company that aims to help facilitate ‘private human access to space’.

(Blue Origin)

4. We’re lonely, despite being more connected

Humans are more connected than ever before thanks to technology, and yet we also report feeling more isolated than ever. In many parts of the world, we’re having less sex and birth rates are dropping. Twenty-two percent of millennials say they have “no friends”.

This type of empty connection is mirrored in WALL-E, where the robots are more human than the humans are.

On the Axiom, humans have digital screens perpetually beamed in front of their faces that allow them to video chat, but we don’t see any intimate family groups. No one touches (until WALL-E and EVE come along), and we don’t see couples together, or parents with children – toddlers are raised by AI in classrooms.

(Walt Disney Pictures/Pixar)

5. Obesity is on the rise

Okay, this one’s obvious – one of the most striking things about the humans in WALL-E is that they’re all fat. Just look at how the Axiom’s captains have changed since the mission launched.

(Walt Disney Pictures/Pixar)

To be fair, space reduces muscle mass and makes you puffy.

But we’re not on a dissimilar path of weight gain. Obesity rates have nearly tripled since 1975 and are still increasing.

In the film, it probably has something to do with the fact that people no longer walk. Even as babies, they use self-driving hoverchairs to get them around.

That isn’t so far fetched – with self-driving car technology moving out of the lab, and people more sedentary than ever before, it’s not hard to imagine us all sitting back and letting technology drive us around.

And then there’s this photo, taken in Walmart in 2015:

(mlevid/Imgur)

In fact, BMW has already made something that looks suspiciously like the WALL-E chair, their ‘personal mobility concept’ vehicle i-REAL.

More

6. We can’t stop staring at screens

I’m not just talking about social media here, but also Netflix, YouTube, Hulu… While we do use technology to connect with friends and family across the globe in ways we couldn’t in the past, the average adult today consumes five times more information daily than a counterpart in 1986.

We’re also watching close to eight hours of TV a day. Our binge-watching has even become an environmental issue.

The humans in WALL-E are just a small step up from this, with their screens now projected in front of them all the time – giving them 24/7 access to ads, entertainment, and shopping.

(Walt Disney Pictures/Pixar)

In one telling scene, two friends are chatting to each other online but never realise they’re actually right next to each other. Another woman only realises there’s a gigantic pool on the cruise ship after her screen is interrupted by WALL-E getting in her way.

Sound familiar?

7. We feel useless

In a crucial line in the film, the Axiom’s Captain B. McCrea tells the autopilot “I don’t want to survive, I want to live.” Up until that point, the only thing he’s done himself is read out the morning announcements.

The rest of the humans on board don’t seem to work at all. They’re purposeless – their roles replaced by technology and their home planet destroyed. Even back on Earth, WALL-E was left behind just cubing up waste and moving it from one place to the next.

(Walt Disney Pictures/Pixar)

Many of us don’t feel much more productive. A 2015 poll in the UK revealed that 37 percent of Brits think their job is meaningless. And scientists have predicted that roughly half of all jobs will be replaced by technology – not centuries from now, but in the next 20 years.

On top of that, we often feel powerless in the face of the climate crisis, with our best attempts at action dwarfed by the negative impacts from industry and government.

8. Going to space might be our only chance of survival… if you can afford it

The Axiom wasn’t taking people offshore as a humanitarian act – it was a ticketed, luxury cruise. There’s no mention of other evacuation missions from Earth, so if we assume the Axiom is all that’s left, what happened to the humans who couldn’t afford a ticket?

Probably the same thing that will happen, and is already happening, to those of us who aren’t rich enough to be protected from the worst effects of climate change.

Going to space is one option for human survival if our planet becomes so hot that it’s no longer habitable. But even with reusable rockets, space is expensive, and there won’t be room for everyone.

9. There’s still hope

As depressing as the film may be, there’s still hope for humanity. Life starts to bloom again on Earth. The antics of WALL-E and EVE wake up the passengers from their mindless scrolling. Captain B. McCrea fights back.

(WALL-E, Walt Disney Pictures/Pixar)

And there’s hope for us, too.

Yes, the outlook is bleak, but the science is clear – we can turn this ship around. Every degree of warming we can avoid will save lives, will protect ecosystems.

Perhaps the biggest difference between us and the humans in WALL-E is that we’re not useless – yet. We might feel it, but we still have a role to play in stopping the coming climate crisis.

In turning around our mindless consumption. In remembering that we vote governments in to serve our interests, not to protect the status quo. And we shouldn’t be scared to vote them out.

This is why we’re striking today. There is no news worth covering that could possibly be more important than reminding society that we still have a voice, and we still have power.

This article is part of ScienceAlert’s special climate edition, published in support of the global #ClimateStrike on 20 September 2019.

#Humans

[amiloudenough]

Nameless - Trigger Warning. This story contains sexual assault

Dear -----,

Even your name feels like a privilege you don’t deserve. Should you stay nameless, or should I out you to the world? Scream from the tallest building what you did to me?  What you’ve done to so many just like me?

Apart of me wants your memory to stay tucked in the dark pocket of my brain where you live now, only seeing the light when I am triggered by a hotel room or when men buttoned tightly in business suits that resemble you linger when they look at me.

Another part of me thinks my story matters, that saying the truth out loud will make it real, tangible, throwable, crushable, flammable and maybe...healable.

I was newly 20 when we met. I thought I was an adult. My freedom was still new, my hips still narrow, my childhood trauma still unrecognizable - hidden in the basement of my chest. I wouldn’t go looking for it for years.

I would spend weekends at my friends 1920’s built studio in the beating heart of Seattle. The hallways smelt like a dusty thrift store. The dark green carpet and scuffed walls held memories of tenants for 90 years.

My friend has long red colored hair to the small of her back, she taught me to buy furniture from thrift stores and how to steal accessories from Nordstrom. We share clothes and dance at underage clubs in the city. It seems I am her only friend.

We would laugh little girl giggles listening to her neighbors fight through the wall. We would share red wine from the bottle before going out in small skirts and knee high socks. We got into bars by over lining our eyes and flirting with bartenders outside while they smoked cigarettes. Most nights, we stumble back in passed two and fall into each other on her bed.

This friend told me about you one night in the winter. I remember the holiday lights lining the streets, I remember the white sweater I wore - my mother bought it for me the previous Christmas.

We sit in the back of an old Chinese restaurant. Sharing the entire place with only two other customers. The bartenders never ask us for our IDs. They know we’re underage...they also know we’ll spend money.  We drink long island ice teas, the only drink we knew how to order.

She tells me about her new gig being a stripper. I’m entertained. I’m envious. She seems sexy and mysterious in this moment. She tells me about making $700 in one night. She tells me her stripper friends told her about this new thing called “sugaring.” “He pays me just to go to a movie! he paid me $200 just for a date!” She says. My friend explains that there is a website filled with rich men who pay young girls to do various things like have sex and go on vacations with them. 

Getting attention from men had been second nature to me, I was good at it whether I wanted to be or not. I thought of my mothers friend from work being in our apartment when I walked through the door after school. I was eleven, my mother hadn't arrived home from work yet. She had asked him to look at the desktop computer. “You must have a lot of boyfriends at school…don't you?” He nods up at me from under the computer desk. I realized then that I wasn’t a child but a girl. I was something to be looked at and consumed.

“No way!” I say, shifting in the bar stool. My friends red hair matches her red lipstick. Suddenly, I felt too far from home. “I’ll show you!” She says and pulls out her phone. She texts you. She tells you she has a friend she wants you to meet.   You walk into the Chinese restaurant some time later. I’m slurring my words by the time you arrive, there are four empty long island glasses melting onto the bar counter. We’re the only two in there now. You walk confidently, relaxed…Like you’ve come to meet two girls twenty five years younger than you before.

Your hair is too straight, peekaboos of grey mixed in with jet black. You have small lips and tiny teeth. Your neck has started to sag with age but your face lacks wrinkles of a man your age. You look at me as if you are looking through me, as if you are testing my boundaries, seeing if it was safe to trust your dirty little secret with me. Unfortunately, it was.

“wow he’s so normal! He’s not a creep!” I whisper to my friend while you order us a round of drinks. You hid it so well. I flip my hair at you, apply lipgloss in the bathroom, regret not wearing something sexier. Suddenly, the white sweater doesn’t seem to fit.

I want you to like me. I’m begging for your approval. Lucky me, I get it.

We meet up just the two of us after texting for a few weeks at a Cheesecake Factory. I am embarrassed being out in public with you. Do people know what we’re doing? I see an old friend from high school serving tables near us and I almost run out. “Calm down. We’ll say I’m your uncle.” You laugh, the way a dad laughs at his toddler falling trying to walk - like it’s cute how worried I am.

I applied too much makeup, I’m trying to look older. I’m wearing a fake fur vest and heels I can’t walk in. You ask me about my parents, my friends, where I live, you ask if I’m in college. I tell you the intimate details of my life, spilling out all over the booth like you slipped truth serum in my drink. I tell you about my poetry, about my mothers alcoholism, my fathers absence, about my dreams of getting a college degree. You listen with eye contact, the way a therapist does. You nod and sit still in silence, waiting to hear more. You reach across the table and touch my arm. You tell me you want to mentor me and pay for some of my college. You say that it would bring you joy to help me reach my goals. I don't touch my food. The waiter clears our plates. You slide your American Express into the leather pocket next to the bill and tell me how much money you’d give me to have sex with you.

I ride in your car after we finish eating and leave my car parked in the cheesecake factory parking lot. I watch it out the window wondering if its too late to open the door and jump out.

“You know what?!” You say pulling out of the lot. We’re driving to the nearest hotel. You already have the cash in an envelope in your glove box. I would see you reach over me and grab it when we arrive to the hotel. “What?” I ask. “I think you are my muse! I write poetry too and you have inspired me to write, you’re my muse!” I’m flattered by the compliment, how did you know I always wanted to be someone’s Edie to their Andy? I shed myself at the door of the hotel. I don’t find myself until a couple hours later when I am dressed again and have $500 cash in my purse. Once I do find myself I’m surprised at how great I feel. “It was soooo easy!” I tell my friend on the phone. “I know!” She says. We giggle on the phone my entire drive home. I ignore the smell of your sweat coming through my clothes. I have just sold my body for the first time.

You text me good morning and good night. You check up on my day every other day. I send you pictures of myself and receive compliments back of how beautiful I am. We meet late night in candle lit lounges or hotel bars for drinks and every time I shed myself at the door once the hotel key clicks. I am hundreds of dollars richer the next day and all I had to do was shed my body and watch my soul crawl away.

You set up your laptop in each hotel room and I wonder if you are video taping but I never ask. You bring a backpack full of sex toys that you use on me without asking. You put your fingers and tongue and body places I don’t want you to. You pull me into to lay on your cold clammy chest, and I rest my hands on your rubber belly. You put on Japanese porn and ask me to relieve you while you watch it. You take pictures of us together and put them into a folder titled “Tori” in your phone - incase you need proof I consented. I smile in the pictures, often my bare shoulders showing, hotel sheets behind us, while I fight a war within myself. My eyes are always blood shot because I am always drunk. I ignore the countless other files titled with other names like “Heather” and “Shelby.”

You give me psychological tests, tell me my Meyers Briggs results, ask me about my classes, tell me what you think I should major in. You like to read me your awful poetry and I cringe at the warmth on my neck as you whisper your ballads too close.

You tell me you love me for the first time while you cry on the phone. You’re sad your other girlfriend broke your heart. I talk you through it. I comfort and coo to you like you are a small child. You tell me through hysterics that I am the only person that makes you feel better. This makes me feel important. You call me honey, send me poetry books in the mail, send me pictures of yourself while on vacation. I ask you for money to go to Mexico, LA, to pay my rent, my tuition and my car payment. You do. So I keep coming back. I send you sweet texts and pictures of myself. I share my poetry with you and give you insider details to my daily life. You help me make up lies to tell my friends when they wonder where I am. “Real friends don’t judge you baby.” You tell me in a hotel room chair by the window.

I’m special, because you tell me I am. I’m special because you give me money. I am special because you need me.

You ask me to go to Vegas with you twice and I say yes and then no. Both times. I can’t imagine anything worse than being stuck so far away from home with you. When I am with you I feel like I am walking slowly on pins and needles. Your gaze feels violating. You don’t care that waiters stare, that women your age in the bar ask “how do you two know each other?!” through giggles.

I hate holding your hand in public. I drink swigs from a vodka bottle in my glove box before I go to meet you, to ease the nerves, to forget what I’m there for.

You take me to Victoria Secret and make me try on lingerie sets. You tell me to come out into the hallway so you can see. I’m mortified as I spin in front of you. I see the sale associate make circles on the floor with her foot. You buy me the lingerie set and I walk away while you pay at the counter. I am looking over my shoulder for any familiar faces. I am thinking of lies I can tell if I run into a family member, an old teacher, anyone who knows my other personality.

Each time I pull open my drawer and see the jeweled pink panties and matching bra, my chest tightens. I eventually throw it away because it feels as if you are touching me all over again with every time they are on my body.

When I ask you if we can use a condom after I start seeing someone regularly, you ask me why I don’t trust you. You do a puppy dog face that makes my gut drop, you say “you know I love you bareback. You know I get tested, I just wish you just trusted me...” I decide I’m wrong for not trusting you. I don't bring it up again.

You ask if you can take me on a ferry to Bainbridge island. I agree, I needed the money.

I have told you that I don’t do drugs. I have told you I don’t like being out of control, that it scares me. You nod understanding, tell me “I know, I know.” You repeat stories of you getting high on MDMA on business trips and how the sex high is “so good!” I still refuse to do them with you.

At dinner on Bainbridge island you pull out two small red colored pills with cartoon characters stamped into them. You take one while I look. “Guess I’ll be alone getting high then!” You say, swallowing the pill and grinning at me.

I think I am a consenting adult on a vacation with my much older, married, kind-of boyfriend who pays me each time I sleep with him. I think that I am in charge on all of our encounters. I’m convinced that society has this whole sex worker thing wrong - that this is a two way street, that I want you to offer me drugs ten more times after I say no the first ten times.

I think that you taking the drugs in front of me was about what you wanted, not about what you wanted me to do.

My heart races after you swallow the pill, I text my friend - ask her what the red pills do. She tells me it’s just ecstasy and it’ll be ok. I copy you, take mine with a swig of wine.

The car ride home from dinner I’m already buzzing. I turn the radio up loud and play a song by the spinners that I no longer listen to. I stick my head out of the window and sing “I’ll be arouuuuund.” When we get back to the house you rented for us you parade your bag of pills around me. I feel so good, I beg you for another. You give me one. I catch myself in a mirror and don't recognize the reflection. I can only see a fully black eye, the brown of my eye has disappeared behind my pupil.

I lose myself soon after that in a cyclone of hallucinations and electronic music you play on the stereo. I see cartoon colored objects floating around the room while you sweat on top of me. I don’t remember how we got to the bed upstairs or how my clothes came off.

I am too high to make a sound. I am too high to keep my eyes from rolling back into my head. I am too high to focus on what is happening to my body. I slip in and out of reality for hours, I’m not sure when the sex stops and when the light begins to peak through the blinds. I’m not sure I slept.

We gather our things around the house silently. I feel dirty. My limbs are still vibrating. The drugs are still pulsing through my veins, and I wish I never took any.  My hair is curled in various places and my swim suit is in a wet heap near the bathroom. I vaguely remember being in the hot tub.

Finally I say, “That was crazy.”  I’m hoping to get some clues about the night before. “Well, you barley talked…you were silent most of the night.” you say.

I was voiceless.

You offer me a breakfast sandwich on the ferry home and I refuse. A breakfast sandwich and the hundreds of dollars you will wire me later that day doesn't seem like payment enough for what I gave away in that twenty four hours.

It takes me longer to find myself this time. I search for days and it seems I lost apart of myself on Bainbridge island. Maybe you accidentally packed the part of me I’m missing in your suitcase, maybe you took it when you were on top of me all night, maybe I gave it to you. Maybe I won’t ever see it again.

I hide the memory of our night together to the darkest part of me that I can find. I zip it up tightly hoping it never finds it way out. It will find its way to the surface of course, as all of our time together will.

I color that night in humor, laughing with my friends about how high I was. I color it in guilt, saying I consented, I asked for it. After all, I went with you willingly. After all, we had a “relationship.” I color it in silence, I don’t talk about it, don’t think about it - hold it down in the dark space for as long as it will stay.

Do you justify what you did? Have you found a way to sleep at night? Have you found someone with a small voice and a shaky foundation who will easily let you in and stay a while? Do you ignore the way she can’t keep eye contact? The way she shakes slightly at dinner?

Have you practiced and perfected your act? You’ve got that caring way you look at someone when they share their trauma down. You’ve found a way to pull out women’s stories from their body the way Ursula pulls out Ariels voice box. Once you have them, you use them to your advantage - pushing every boundary and seeing what you could safely cross.

It’s easier to cross young girls with alcoholic mothers and absent fathers, turns out you get away with it.

Your daughter is only three years younger than I was when you met me. Does she wonder why you come home in the quietest part of the night smelling of hotel liquor and perfume? Do you wipe your hands clean of the shame on your way home? I wonder if you look at her and see the 17 year old baby sitter you raped. The one you bragged about to me. You told me you were in love with her, that society was wrong for keeping you two apart.

You must take showers and scrub off your night telling yourself it was consensual, that the twenty year old girl you left in the hotel sheets wanted it. You must tell yourself that she was closing her eyes the whole time because she liked it.

I have decided that you will stay nameless.

Your name will eventually die out and my memories will fade but my story will not. My shame will see light so that it can breathe, so that I can breathe.

I’ll bathe my story in so much sunlight that it’ll grow into something beautiful, the way ‘Lily of the Valley’ flowers grow despite losing their color for some time in the Winter. They come back even more vibrant and beautiful come Spring. They return happier and stronger.

Although, they look delicate, this tough but beautiful flower fights off predators with a poisonous sweet smell and her strong base can make it through even the harshest climates.

[elastigirl72]

Day 16-17: Zadar>Split, Split>Neum (Bosnia)

1485 miles completed - around 700 to go

For the first time on this trip, the last 48 hours I recall in a slight blur. Not because I’ve been enjoying the local beer, but more possibly because I am now reaching zombie state. I know I rode my bike on Thursday, but it’s taken me some time to remember the details. But after a rude size bucket of porridge, made with a smidgen of incorrectly purchased “kefar” (fermented milk which in the U.K. we would normally throw away as disgusting and indigestible) and a black tea with a pillaged sugar, it’s coming back to me...in all it’s technicolour glory and equal horror.

Being 1kg lighter leaving Zadar (I was eaten alive by a zingy mosquito that taunted me through the night and like Dracula, also found my jugular), I mounted my bike rather wearily, but happy for the first ride this trip, the leg and arm warmers, base layer, rain jacket and overshoes were all neatly crammed into my backpack. Wall to wall sun accompanied me on what was the best conditions of my adventure so far. Yes, a little headwind but it’s a small price to pay. The landscape was changing again to a more rolling terrain, where for some time the sea wasn’t visible. I looked ahead at mountains rather than rode beside them, a timely reminder of what lay ahead in the days to come. I was broken. My back, knee, left leg screamed at me early, and I made my first emergency coffee stop at only 30 miles on the clock. It was going to be a tough day. No matter how incredible a ride looks, when you’re tired, you may as well be sat on the turbo watching Jeremy Kyle. Ok, it was better than that. But it wasn’t easy. I resigned myself to slow and steady wins the race.

Split was one of my highlights, and this alone was motivation to keep moving. What lay ahead was a once in a lifetime experience.

I had booked an apartment which has a 9.5/10 review. Great comments about the host and the location. I chose well, I thought. Mario met me, and irradiated warmth and kindness. He’d had surgery on his skull, very visible with no hair to hide it, and I later learned he’d been a chef, and 9 years earlier, at the age of 22, he’d worked, drunk, then had a car crash which left him without the possibility of working. So now, he rented out his own flat to make money and when guests stayed, he lived with his parents 1 hour away. He couldn’t drive, and this commerce opportunity seemed hard to visualise as something sustainable, but this was his third season.

Mario was clearly impressed I’d turned up on a bike. So enthusiastic, in fact, he offered 1. A massage, 2. To be my guide for the night. I declined his first invitation immediately and gently tried to steer his second offer away. He seemed not to want to take no for an answer. “You look like you need help here and you are, very...handsome” he’d said with a wide smile. Alarm bells were ringing, and I sent him away, stating I needed time to think and get fresh. He replied he’d wait in a nearby cafe for 30 minutes until I’d decided.

The shower was cold, but my clothes had the luxury of a machine wash. For that alone, the apartment was worth the money. Even without any detergent.

Feeling obliged to say yes, and trying to embrace Mario’s offer, I let him escort me around the city. When he returned, he’d needed to take a copy of my passport. Luckily, he’d noticed that I was born in 1972, making me really old! Bonanza! Mario had me down as 38, max. There are definitely advantages to being older. Clearly my invisibility cloak needed turning up.

The city of Split was my favourite place on the trip, possibly now one of my top 10 cities I’ve visited. Learning about Game of Thrones and filming season 5 here, Mario also told me a little about the city’s history. The 1800 year old Roman buildings were to me more incredible than Venice. Although the city catered for tourists, it felt tasteful and the ambience was perfect. There felt like more local presence than foreigners, and I felt very much at home.

I managed to shake Mario after buying him a couple of beers and insisting I was going to dinner to a restaurant recommended by a friend back home (which was true). Alarmingly, Mario stated as he left that he would arrive 30 minutes before I was due to leave and the best was yet to come and that it would ensure I would give him and the experience of Split 10/10, and that I would never forget it. I wished for nothing more than to open the door the next morning and see Mario with his German Shepherd, brought along to make me smile.

I had a restless night worrying about what might happen when the sun rose. I worried that there were cameras hidden throughout the apartment and couldn’t fail to notice a macabre print on his bedroom wall involving a female back and a blood-tipped dripping knife. I wanted to leave early and before he arrived, but I had to return his key. I’m just too honest. I could have just left a note and hidden the key. Why didn’t I?

8am came and a few minutes before, Mario knocked at the door. Minutes later he was insistent on my need for a massage. “no, no, no” I repeated. He sat on the sofa. “How do you feel about sex”. I lied and said I’m celibate and have been for many years. Having stupidly already told him I’m divorced, this was indeed possible. He had also clearly not thought through: 1. I had been riding my bike for over two weeks and around 100 miles a day. 2. I gave him no signal at all that I found him attractive. I’d rather go on a date with Golem, if I’m totally honest 3. This was just completely wrong. Since when is it right to set up your flat on Booking.com as a sex trap? I may sound old fashioned here, but because I am very confident, I could extract myself and did from this situation about 5 minutes later. What worries me, and having a daughter of 20, is how many females find themselves in this really awkward situation and locked inside someone’s apartment and either he is more forceful or they are less confident? To me, this is just wrong. So, I reported it. The audacity of Mario thinking his methods would get him 10/10 on booking.com. Incredulous, I left for my ride nearly 2 hours early with a tainted view of Split...

A couple of miles into my ride and the wind blew Mario well into the north and slapped me at every meander in the road. The skies were menacingly dark, it started to rain but it was just what I needed.

The best part about point to point expeditions is that every day, the view, the lay of the land changes (if you’re going around 100 miles a day - those laden with panniers might not have the same view. Riding to Bosnia, I worked harder than any other day to keep moving. These were the strongest winds, unsteady, blustery on undulations and climbs that never relented. But what kept me going is for another day, I felt like I’d skipped into another country, and in fact, would, later that day. Clouds hung low over the mountain tops and the sea looked angry and temperamental.

But somehow, after another mountain border, I made it to Bosnia, and the little coastal town of Neum. My best accommodation yet, which looked west over a quiet sea bay, and my first sunbathe of the trip. After such a stormy day, this little sleepy haven seemed like tranquility personified. Getting going again would be tough. For the only time since leaving home, my kicked off, ripped off clothes would remain unwashed and on the floor until they adorned my slowly cracking body the next day.

And now, Saturday. Another country beckons, and the hospitality of someone I’ve never met. I have exclusive use of a penthouse apartment in Herceg Novi, owned by a Norwegian friend of my brother. I have to get past Dubrovnik first, and given the forecast, I think it will be w flying visit which is a shame. But time waits for no man, and I’m as useless as a chocolate teapot when it rains..

[chelsorz07]

I posted these as asks four years ago and never got to answer any so

THOUGHT YOU WERE DONE SEEING THESE FROM ME, DIDN’T YA? Me too, I’m so sorry

1. First thing you wash in the shower? Hair.

2. Are you more of a coffee or alcohol drinker? I have like two cups of coffee a month but have only drank booze twice in the past year so coffee I guess.

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Many times.

4. Do you plan outfits? Sometimes I’ll want to wear a specific shirt but it’s rarely ever clean and I never pick out clothes sooner than right before my shower.

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? Tired but I still have to put the garbage out before I can go to bed and my neck and knees are killing me so I can’t get off the couch. But I’m in an okay mood.

6. Whats the closest thing to you thats red? Throw pillow.

7. What would you do if you opened your door and saw a dead body? Idk I’d like to say I’d be a badass about it but honestly I’d probs scream.

8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having? I legit don’t remember. I dream every night but they usually fly right out of my head when I wake up.

9. Three of your current feelings? Tired, hungry, in pain. 

10. What are you craving right now? Cheeseburger and onion rings.

11. Turn ons? Um...intelligence, wit, shoulders, eyes, ginger beards.

12. Turn offs? Arrogance, chauvinism, people who don’t like cats.

13. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? Coleslaw.

14. When was the last time you cried? Why? I was doing a concert in my living room last night, as I often do, and some of the songs got me a little emosh.

15. If you could be a superhero, who would you want to be? Black Widow or Loki.

16. Did the one person who hurt you most in your life apologize? No but she did change the way she treated me so I’m taking that for what it is.

17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? I don’t eat ice cream because it hurts my teeth no matter which method of eating I use.

18. Favorite movie ever? Bring it On.

19. Do you like yourself? Depends on the day. Actually it changes even more frequently than that.

20. Have you ever met a celebrity? Many. None will top Jensen Ackles though. Well. Except Misha. Note the double entendre lol

21. Could you handle being in the military? I definitely could not. I’m also too old to enlist even if I wanted to.

22. What are you listening to right now? Walking Dead, season 1 episode 2. Because every time I start the series over, I pick up from episode 3 since I don’t really care about anyone but Daryl until Jesus happens. But today I felt like a refresher from the beginning.

23. How many countries have you visited? I went to Canada once.

24. Are your parents strict? They were while I was being raised. Then my little sister had like no rules.

25. Would you go sky diving? No way.

26. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? Hell yeah.

27. Whats on your mind right now? I’m really just trying to gather the motivation to get up and pee, then take the garbage out so I can go to sleep.

28. Is there anything you want to say to someone? Ehh not really.

29. Have you ever been in a castle? No but I would tour the shit out of some if I had the opportunity.

30. Do you rent movies often? Almost never because who does that anymore? But we did just rent Mile 22 from the Redbox a few weeks ago. It was pretty meh for Wahlberg.

31. Whats your zodiac sign? Leo.

32. When was the last time you had sex? A month ago. Purely by circumstance. My husband is currently on week four of a five week work rotation in Texas.

33. Name five facts about yourself. Lord. I have rapidly deteriorating joints and it fucking hurts everywhere all the time. I’ve spent the past 48 hours going back through my entire tumblr, over 300 pages. I only make homemade mac n cheese, not boxed. I’m almost finished rereading every Desus fic on AO3 for the second time (some more than two but I mean going through literally every page). One of my cats is sitting above my head and purring really loudly and another is sitting to my left snoring.

34. Ever had a near death experience? If so, what happened? Got caught driving in a blizzard. Spun off the road several times, including once off of an on-ramp. Like do not enter, wrong direction. If I hadn’t made it to the hotel right next to the on-ramp I really would’ve been fucked.

35. Do you believe in karma or predestiny? Not really.

36. Brown or white eggs? White.

37. Do you own something from Hot Topic? Most of my material possessions are from the hot topical, yes. Clothes, jewelry, funkos, makeup, miscellaneous other merch. It’s like a lot.

38. Ever been on a train? I have not.

39. Ever been in love? I am.

40. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you do it? I hate this question. Of course I want a million dollars. But I’ve always wanted to stay in a haunted house anyway.

41. If you could trade places with any person living or dead, who would you trade places with? JJ Ackles. Except that I wouldn’t wish my life on her. Can we just be siblings instead?

42. If you could shorten your life expectancy by 10 years to become more attractive, would you do it? I’m already attractive. And my life expectancy isn’t that high as it is.

43. Whom do you admire and why? My husband because he does crazy shit like work 35 days in a row when he’s only supposed to work 14 just to make sure all our bills are paid and we have savings because I’m too crippled to work at all right now.

44. What was your favorite bedtime story as a child? I didn’t get bedtime stories.

45. You’re walking down the street, you come across a burning building. A woman says her baby is trapped inside, what would you do? I am literally capable of doing nothing, except maybe let her use my phone to call 911 if she hasn’t already.

46. If you could choose the future profession of your son or daughter, would you? No. I can’t even choose my own profession.

47. What was your best experience on drugs or alcohol? Idk about best but my most recent one was pretty good. I hadn’t had alcohol in over a year but a few weeks ago my sister turned 21 and we had family game night at my parents’ house so I got a little buzzed on some grapefruit White Claws and for about four hours I wasn’t in physical pain. Plus we all had a really good time just hanging out and playing games and everybody got along. That has 100% never happened in my family before. Also the last time I smoked weed, which was MANY years ago, like 6 or 7, it had the same effect and reduced my joint pain.

48. What was your worst experience on drugs or alcohol? Worst with drugs was the night I smoked an entire joint just in my living room alone and it must have been strong shit because I threw up immediately. Worst experience drinking was probably all of 2010.

50. As you’re walking down the street you find a suitcase full of money sitting next to a parked car, would you take it? Probs I’m desperate and not that great of a person.

51. If you found that a close friend has AIDS, would you still hang out with them? Yes? WTF kind of question is that? It’s 2019, AIDS isn’t cooties.

52. In front of you are 10 pistols, 5 of which are loaded. If you survive you’d receive 100 million dollars. Would you be willing to place 1 to your head and pull the trigger? Depends what kind of pistol. If it’s a revolver you can see the rounds in the barrel. 

53. How old were you when you lost your virginity? 20.

54. Do you believe in ghosts, werewolves or vampires? Nope. Well I still haven’t ruled out ghosts but I also know how to dispatch them so.

55. If you could live forever, would you want to? HELL naw.

56. Which fictional movie character most resembles who you are? Janice Ian.

57. If you could go back in time, which time period would you visit? We love a renaissance.

58. If they were to televise a live execution, would you watch it? Probably.

59. If you could be the president of the USA, would you be willing to do it? Not even for like a day.

60. If you could choose the sex of your unborn child, would you want to? Yes. I want a girl. Come for me.

61. Would you rather live longer or be wealthy? I want that money beech.

[lovedeluxe92]

okay so i started working at jimmy johns in early febuary of this year. i needed a job rlly bad and money desperately, just something to keep me afloat and to afford food. what i experienced...i was not at all prepared for lmao. i was sexually harassed, verbally harassed, had my hours fucked with, had management and even the owners of the company who could give a fuck less about their employees, had to deal with my fellow coworkers AND managers being on k2 and other drugs, and the final fucking straw which was getting my tip money stolen from me OUT OF THE SAFE BY A MANAGER. i started working as a delivery driver. which was INCREDIBLY stress inducing at first bc i worked at the one right downtown. i had to deal with

i started working as a delivery driver. which was INCREDIBLY stress inducing at first bc i worked at the one right downtown. i had to deal with

traffic, pedestrians NOT LOOKING WHERE THE FUCK THEY WERE GOING DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY PPL I ALMOST KILLED CAUSE /THEY/ DID NOT LOOK, we have ‘parking police’ and i legit got about 15-20 tickets during my time there bc that asshole was out for blood and anytime he saw my car, even if i wasnt parked illegally (oh did i mention we had like 3 parking spots all on the street and all with a 2 hour limit (: ) or hadnt been parked in a spot for the full 2 hours. so there was that. 

see when i first started everything was fine. we had good employees who worked hard and did what they had to do. they were all stoners, but whatever i could care less about that. SO. our assistant manager, he was a mess. racist, homophobic, rude, loud. the worst. we would do dabs out in his car (yeah i know but i worked at a fucking jimmy johns) and he would just say the most questionable shit. i remember this one time he saw my phone background was a pic of me and my bf and was like ‘oh you like black guys? what’s your sex like? i bet it’s really good’ and im not gonna go into too much detail here, bc it upset me and its racist,  but he kept going and said some REALLY creepy shit i was like wtf and told him to never speak to me like that again or i would report him for sexual harassment (side note: one time he thought i did report him for sexual harassment and was like “who are you gonna buy weed from now?” LITERALLY ANYONE YOU PIECE OF SHIT.) he would always be like “DAMN THICK’ whenever i would bend over and do everything. I TOLD MY MANAGER AT THE TIME. she  didn’t do anything. AND the owners of the franchise definitely knew bc like...there’s cameras and they can hear everything we say? but no one did fucking anything. and i needed the money bad so i had to stay. of course i told him off constantly. he was white and always saying the n word. just a piece of fucking shit. 

i think the happiest day of my life was when he FINALLY got fired. my manager had to go to another city for a week and help out that jimmy johns bc i guess ALL the employees and managers did a walk out (yeah this happens at all the jimmy johns owned locally in my area i wish i was kidding) and left his inept ass in charge. it took him 5 mins to make sandwiches (FREAKY FAST hello????) he was just a poor manager. but THEN he started using k2 again. and he was a zombie. there was no point of him even being there bc like he would just go to the back of the store and just stand in front of the freezer door staring for like 10-15 mins at a time.i was a driver and didnt know how to make sandwiches yet and this bitch seriously was just standing there cracked out of his mind on k2 in FRONT of customers (and i will say our customers were SO nice at least) takking phone calls slurring his words. it was embarrassing. i rememeber i had 2 customers who had waited almost a HALF HOUR for ONE sandwich bc i was having a panic attack and losing my fucking mind trying to make their sandwiches while he was in his truck getting high and refusing to come in. one of the customers actually gave me a tip and told me i was doing great and the other one was like ‘im so sorry this is happening to you, that guy is  fucked up’. anyway, he passed out on k2 in his truck one night and got the cops called on him and got banned from the property :) i still saw him from time to time and he looked disgusting & miserable and it made me so happy. 

mostly we just had grown ass employees, fucking 30 year olds, just acting like children. always on drugs. i had one coworker pretend to slap my ass and i called him out and he was like ‘it’s a joke im not apologizing’. people would try to take deliveries from me. AND LET ME JUST SAY, not even to fucking brag even slighly but i was the best worker there my entire time there bc regardless of where im working i am giving my 100% every day and no one else there would. but ppl always tried to step over me and did not respect me. we had one coworker who had 3 felonies and one day like 4-5 cops came to our store to tell us to call the cops the next time he showed up for work (surprise surprise he fled bc they took an hour to get to the store despite the fact we were literally like not even 4 blocks from the police station) and he was always high on k2. forever late. day after day no call no show. he had his friend get hired on who would go down to subway and talk shit about subway in his uniform??? lmao and subway called us one day and was like ‘can yall not?’ he also threatened to burn down the store and then my manager (who was always on a power trip if we’re being honest) purposefully withheld his paycheck to fuck with him, because he was fucking with her, so we dealt with him WAY longer than we should have? 

then this one bitch that became manager, SOMEHOW, we were seriously always that desperate for staff and we hire anyone bc the managers are overworked af and just want to take the load off. anyway, SHE was always high on k2 as well. and she would always overshare rlly traumatic personal things from her life to me and all the customers and its like....girl we dont wanna hear that pls try and get some help. she was not currently being abused, i wanna specify. she was talking about things from her past. i sympathized with her but like im a victim of dv too lmao i dont wanna see your bruises without being asked first. and then i remember one day i left my money bag there (i kept my tips in it and had like $37 in there or something) and this bitch who was making MORE MONEY THAN ME seriously fucking went into the safe (we caught her on camera lmao) and stole that money out of my bag and left a few bills to make it seem less suspicious i guess??? lied about it to my face? then quit bc she ‘wasnt gonna sit there and be accused of something i didnt do’ like ok lmao

then to top it all off at one point my old manager just stopped giving a fuck and the store went to shit and we got complaint after complaint and she started being so rude to all of her staff, including myself (and we were like besties so i was devastated) and she cut my hours when she was submitting our work times for the checks because i would clock in early to help out....LIKE SHE ASKED? and it was just everything i said to her...her response was just the most rude and hateful voice and just....it was so rude. i cried every single day after work. she eventually got replaced and then quit 

but then this new manager, whom i loved, was very depressed and just had a lot wrong with him mentally but he was still very....drama starting and attention seeking. he would talk about suicide nonstop 24/7 and not to be callous but it just made me so uncomfortable and triggered me so much? they did overwork him and i will attest and agree to that and he had a lot on his shoulders but he couldve gone to mcdonalds literally any day and gotten a job with better hours, better pay, and better benefits. i kept telling him over and over to leave bc he had so much managerial experience he couldve been hired anywhere! all resteraunts down here are perpetually hiring, especially for managers! i would know bc i was looking for another job lmao. but he’d text me every night saying things like ‘well lets hope i drink myself to death’ ‘suicide is painless’ etc. and it was just......VERY uncomfortable for me, as someone who has attempted suicide and still struggles with ideation from time to time lmao it was just the most triggering environment ever 

like idk how i lasted that long but i worked my ass off, saved up my money, have a good paying job and im trying my best to forget this entire experience (honestly i did have some good times) but i really dont....think i can lmao 

ON A POSTIVE NOTE: we had some of the kindest and most caring customers ive ever had in my life. i was shocked. but the amount of times i had a shitty customer in my entire time there i can count on one hand lmao like....even when they were shitty they were like ‘im sorry i know yall work hard and everything’ like i miss my customers SO MUCH because we actually had relationships with them and shit and ugh god. if the customers were shitty tho i would never have kept this job lmfao 

i stayed at this job simply bc i made enough money for rent and my bills perfectly and it was one of the few jobs where i was paid an hourly wage + tips. and i wanted my next job to be a job in my field. that’s why i stuck around so long, it took some time to do that.

so yeah theres my mess i love anyone who read this and you can have my first born and be the beneficiary to my life insurance when i die