#i refuse to be nervous about posting music I have amazing music taste

[callisteios]

Tagged by the lovely @mashmouths to post my top songs from the past month. Unfortunately the app is bullshit. Bullshit I tell you. I only listened to that okay kaya album like 5 times

Tagging @moonlaith @hauntedbythenarrative @middlesliders @orbularborbular @corviiids @kebriones @confessions-ofa-fangirl @kingfag and anyone else who feels like posting <3

The link!

[cjsinkythoughts]

Flaws

Written for @honeysucklesteve​’s 4k writing challenge! If you haven’t, go check her out because she’s amazing!

Pairing: Mickey Henry x fem!Reader

Summary: You hate his music taste. He hates yours. You have a bad habit of stealing his gigs. He has a bad habit of fucking you until you can’t walk straight. Everyone has flaws. What are you to do about it?

Word Count: 3822

Warnings: Cursing, hate sex, semi-public sex, unprotected sex, hair pulling, slight edging, there’s a mirror involved, drugs, alcohol, clubbing, smoking, one mention of lung cancer, mentions of Monday’s plot, so slight spoilers; (I hope I’m not forgetting anything. These kinds of warnings are new to me. If I am, feel free to tell me.)

18+ PLEASE!!! MINORS DNI!!!

A/N: I know I haven’t posted in a while, but here you go! I’m so nervous about posting this. Honestly. I feel like I kinda rushed it a little? I dunno if it’s good. Uhm, I will say that Mickey is not soft in this. You know how he’s all cute and flirty in the movie? Yeah. Not here. I have plans to write for him later on where he’s more on character and adorable and all that, but it’s enemies to lovers and he hates reader and reader hates him. So. Yeah. Have fun with that.

This is a few firsts for me; first published smut, first Mickey Henry fic, and first enemies-to-lovers ever! I’m attached to friends-to-lovers (my parents’ fault), so going in the opposite direction is exciting and I hope it works out! (We’ll see what it can become after it’s been written.) 

Also! Yes, I’m adding the link to the inspiration of the remix here. You’ll see what I’m talking about. I imagine more bass, but that’s basically it.

As always, all mistakes are mine and please excuse them as it’s not beta’d! Be kind to yourselves and others! Stay tuned and enjoy!

Part Two - Addictions

My Masterlist

*****

Between the tumultuous, voice losing cheers and the pounding, headache inducing bass, it’s a miracle the occupants of the building can hear anything at all. The large room is doused in bright pinks, purples and blues, glitter getting into every pore and crack, the smell of cigarette smoke and booze lingering in the air. 

Bodies pressed together uncomfortably tight, breath and sweat mixing in a way that can’t be enjoyable, but no one notices because they’re all too high and drunk. There’s a couple swallowing each other in every dark corner of the room. A group of guys looking to get some are laughing rather obnoxiously at the bar, having consumed far too much alcohol to be safe. 

Bouncers are escorting people out left and right; a streaker who decided to get on a table and dance, a couple who took it a bit too far over the bar counter, a group of girls who were no doubt too young to be in such an environment. Boisterous, chaotic, borderline dangerous.

There’s no place he’d rather be on a Friday night.

Up on the center stage, playing around with his tracks, messing with the turntables, pulse connecting to the music, head bobbing with the beat. He’s in control. 

Every party. Every Friday, Saturday, Sunday night. Every weekend.

He’s in control.

It’s what he liked so much about doing what he does. Once he’s booked, he’s booked. It’s his night. He controls the sounds people hear. He controls what they dance to. How they dance. The pace of the night. The feeling of the night. And no one can take it away from him.

No one, that is, except you.

He hears you before he sees you, which is nearly impossible considering how loud the music is, but you somehow manage to take control of the room the moment you walk in it. You always get what you want with a bat of your eyelashes. And if you aren’t given it, you take what you want without regard for other people.

It really really pisses him off.

You’re laughing with a group of your friends, guys and girls’ heads swiveling to stare at you, captivating every heart in the room as per usual. You always show up with the same group, but he doesn’t even know any of their names even though you run in the same circles. It’s not like you end up hanging out with them for long, and you never leave with them. No, no. You always leave with him.

And that pissed him off too. 

He can’t help it. He has absolutely no control over himself when it comes to you. And he hates you for it. He hates that he lets you take over with only a few snarky comments in his defense. He hates that you always get into his head. And he hates that you’re the best fuck he’d ever had and he can never get enough of you.

But most of all…he hates your music.

“Hey, hey! There he is!” You send him that infuriating smile of yours, a drink in your hand. It’s a flaw of yours. One of many, but probably the biggest. Alcohol. Like him and his cigarettes. He watches you with narrowed eyes as you effortlessly move through the crowd, your girls and guys seeming to vanish into the mob with every step you take.

You end up in front of the stage, leaning on it and giving him a smirk as you sip on your beverage choice of the night. It’s always something different. The only common factor is the alcohol you crave, letting it wash over your tongue, burn down your throat and slip into your veins.

“Heya, Mouse!”

“Don’t call me that!” He shouts with a growl over the music, pulling his headphones down around his neck. “What the fuck are you doing here?!”

“I got called this morning! Said there was a gig tonight!”

He shakes his head, gesturing to the set up. “You’re a bit too late there, sunshine! Gig’s booked!”

You shake your head back at him. “I’m taking over from here, Mouse!”

“Says who?!”

“Argyris!”

His jaw clenches, his forehead creasing, a skeptical scoff leaving his lips. “Fuck you! No he didn’t! He said this one’s mine!”

You just give a shrug, no cares in the world, downing the rest of your drink. “You can fuck me later! For now, if you wanna whine about it, Daddy’s over there!”

Another growl leaves his chest as he scowls at you, eyes darting to where you’re pointing. Argyris is by the bar, of course, swaying on the seat. Barking out a laugh, he looks at you with a shake of his head. “He’s so drunk he probably shit himself again! You can’t take his word for it!”

“I can when he called me this morning, sober as he can get!” You shoot back, hopping up to stand besides him. “Besides! Someone’s gotta make sure these people have an actual good time!”

“Don’t touch anything until I get back!” He snaps, pointing warningly at you as he starts to walk towards Argyris.

You smile innocently, even though he knows you’re anything but. “Yes, sir!”

He marches over to his asshole friend and grabs him by the shirt, turning him around. “Mickey! Havin’ a good time?!”

Mickey glares, feeling his blood boil and his ears heat up, not from the proximity of strangers around him. “What the fuck?! You told sunshine over there that she could have my gig?!”

“I thought you’d wanna break! Dance and relax for a little bit! It’s only a two hour slot I gave her!”

“You should’ve fucking asked, Argyris! I don’t want her anywhere near my-” His sentence is cut off by a change in the music and he whips over to the stage where you’re grinning and jumping with the crowd. You catch his eye and throw him a wink, holding one of the headphone cups over your ear. “ Oh for the love of - she’s messing with my stuff!”

“I thought you liked her!”

Spluttering, Mickey gapes at the other man in disbelief. “Like her? I can’t stand her! She’s so fucking annoying!”

“What’s so annoying about her?!”

Mickey snatches the drink Argyris was about to gulp down and slams it on the counter. “She’s a spoiled fucking brat! Everyone lets her do whatever she wants! She steals half my fucking gigs! And her music is shit! Listen to this!”

Argyris looks around the room and shrugs. “Everyone else seems to like it! Sure it’s different than your disco-”

“It’s not disco!”

“But it’s a crowd pleaser! Just relax! Have a drink and go dance!”

“Argyris!” Wanting to scream in frustration, he watches the man stumble off to get another drink down the bar. “Dammit! This is fucking shit.” Grumbling to himself, Mickey storms back over to the stage, easily pulling himself up.

You bite your lip and raise an eyebrow at him. “So?! How’d your date with Argyris go?!”

“I hate you so fucking much! Use your own fucking headphones!” He snatches the pair from your neck, pulling the cord out. “Why do you always have to steal my gigs?!”

You shrug, leaning forwards to brush your lips against his ear. “Yours are so much fun.”

His tongue darts out to wet his lips, eyebrows furrowing. This always happens. Every time. The moment he feels in control, you do something and he feels every ounce of himself slipping away. It’s the reason he fucks you. To take back that control he so easily gives to you. To make sure you understand that on the weekends, he’s in charge.

But not tonight. No, no. Not tonight. He refuses to get caught up in that game tonight. You wouldn’t end up in an alley or some bathroom with him. He wouldn’t end up on your couch or in his kitchen with you. He refuses to let it happen. Again.

Instead, he lets out a chuckle and nods. “Yeah. Okay. Whatever sunshine.” He takes a step back, giving you a smirk as your eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “You have fun playing your shitty music!”

“Have fun moping!” You call back, turning to the table and ignoring him completely as he groans and jumps off the stage.

Good God. You’re infuriating.

But so is he.

You hate Mickey Henry. You just do. You hate that he has zero responsibilities and gets away with it. You hate that he can charm his way out of any situation. You hate how immature he is and how no one ever forces him to grow up. And you hate how easily you let him take charge when he’s with you. After a life full of people making choices for you, you crave control, but with him? The moment he tells you to get on your knees, you fall, no matter where you are or what you’re doing.

But most of all…you hate his music.

You take his gigs to save people from listening to it, but also so he knows he can’t talk every situation into his favor. That Argyris can’t always take care of his job for him. He never checks up on gigs once Argyris tells him he has them. So it’s really his fault for not taking some responsibility.

Watching from the stage as your music flows through you, vibrating your bones and sinking into your skin, you’re not surprised to see him get out a cigarette as he heads to a mutual acquaintance of yours. He has many flaws, but that’s a major one. Like you and your alcohol. Him and his cigarettes. You wouldn’t be surprised if you learn a couple months from now that he has lung cancer.

Mickey is talking low to the guy and you already know what’s going on. That was a flaw you both shared. Drugs. He is much more intense than you though. While you’d be fine with some pot, he almost always hits hard with cocaine. Not that you’re innocent from that type yourself - you’d done it multiple times with the man himself if you ended up at each other’s place. Never in the bedroom. You never made it that far, and you don’t really care to. But after those times bent over the table, being pounded into the couch, hanging against the wall, you’d get high with him before one of you takes off.

You’re not exactly sure what happened earlier. You were a bit shocked when he stepped away. Not that you usually left so early, but he didn’t even stay to bicker some more.

Not that you care. You’re just…curious. Maybe he’s finally growing tired of the game you’ve been playing. You’ve been playing it for a few years now. With that weird little pause last year.

You actually thought he had changed.

Having run into him at a party, you prepared yourself for the arguing that no doubt would end in sex. But it didn’t. It didn’t even start. He was with someone. Like, steady with someone. As in dating someone. Living with her. To the point where his baby mama actually agreed to let him keep his boy in their apartment as long as they were together.

It was a weird six months. You two actually had real conversations. You knew how soft and goofy he could get; you had loads of mutual friends and often went to the same parties so you’d seen that side of him. It was just…odd because it never came out with you. But it did then. And you…liked it. You didn’t see him as often, especially once his kid was cleared to live with them. He stopped going out on weekends, started just attending the small shindigs your friends hosted, worked from home instead of DJing.

But then his girl - what was her name? Claire? Caitie? You can’t remember - left for a job in the States just a few months ago and he was back to square one. His baby mama took back the custody privileges, he went back to partying every weekend, and you fell right back into your petty bickering and rough fucking.

You feel bad. Really, you do. You heard that he’d actually loved that chick. And you know he wanted to see his kid more. You knew about the room at his place. But that almost made you hate him more. That he went right back to his old self. He didn’t even try. He got a taste of being a responsible adult, and then let it go.

Because no matter how hard people try, flaws are flaws. And no one can change that much.

As the night goes on, more booze enters your system, while more cocaine enters his. There’s the occasional glare or immature finger raising between you two. Mickey even sticks his tongue out at you while dancing with some broad, a smirk lifting up the corners of his mouth as yours twist down and your eyes roll.

Your features quickly morph into smug amusement as an idea pops into your head and his eyes narrow. What are you up to? He quickly finds out as you stop the music and bring a microphone to your lips.

“Hey, hey, party people! Everyone’s night going fantastic?!” Cheers are your response. Mickey scowls, not liking where this is going, and starts heading your way. You wink at him. “I’m gonna change it up for just this one song! It’s a dedication song to a good friend of mine! It’s a bit different than the usual stuff, but it’s a bop, I promise! Here’s to the Mouse!”

He immediately freezes as the song starts. “Meeska! Mooska! Mickey Mouse!” He feels his face heat up, his fists balling up at his sides, glaring at you and your shit eating grin as you roll your body to the beat, his feet taking him to the stage.

Effortlessly lifting himself onto it once more, he grabs both your wrists in one of his larger ones to stop the music without you interfering, his rings digging into your skin. “Aww! But, Mouse! We didn’t even get to the roll call!”

“Shut. Up.” He grits out through clenched teeth, putting something else on absentmindedly. He didn’t want Argyris on his ass later for leaving the crowd without music. “God. Stop being a fucking pain in my fucking ass for one fucking minute.”

You roll your eyes, but he’s pulling you away before you can reply. Next thing you know he’s shoving you into the bathroom, growling at the girls that were smoking up the place to get out.

“You think you’re so cute, don’t you, princess?” He hisses in your ear, slamming you against the door once the girls left. He’s so tired of giving in to you, but he can’t help it, crashing his lips against yours messily. Teeth and tongue, the taste of smoke and the fruity drink you had chosen for the night mixing, only making him press closer. Your hands get pinned above your head and he’s pulling your skirt up, bunching it at your waist. It’s rough and careless and fueled by loathing, but when is it not? “Think you’re so funny? Huh?”

“Yeah.” You breath, smirking as he slots a thigh between your legs, squeezing your hips and pressing you down against him, flexing the muscle and making you squirm.

His teeth are biting at your bottom lip and tugging, his hands dragging your clothed core along his thigh. “Let’s see how funny you think you are when I’m fucking you so hard you forget how to breathe.”

Your breath hitches and your hands previously above your head clutch onto his shirt at the friction against your clit. It’s not enough and he knows, but you don’t tell him. “All this over a silly song?” You jest.

He sneers back at you, ignoring your tease. “Did you get jealous, sunshine? Is that what happened? Is that why you decided to be a little shit?”

“Jealous?” You scoff as he attacks your neck, your hands quickly undoing his belt before he shoves his pants down, his briefs following along with your panties. “Jealous of you, maybe. That girl was hot. Way outta your lea - oh shit.”

You always forget how deep he reaches inside you, how much the stretch is. He’s not soft about it, entering you in one swift thrust, your hips connecting. His hands are dimpling your bare thighs, hefting you up so your legs wrap around his waist, rings on his fingers no doubt making imprints. The door against your back starts rattling with every movement, but the music outside was too loud for anyone to hear it.

“Not so mouthy now, are we?” He snaps in time with his hips. He can feel you tightening around him, your fingers dragging down his chest, trying desperately to pull his shirt off.

“C’mon, Mouse. That's all you got?” You pant out, a little whine leaving your lips when he leaves you suddenly, dropping you to your feet. “Mickey! What-”

He cuts you off by pushing you against the counter, a shout leaving your lip when he takes you from behind, making you surge forwards, your head almost hitting the mirror, pelvis hitting your ass with every piston of his hips. His hand is tangled in your hair and he tugs, making your head snap up. “Look at you. So fucked out. I did that. I’m the best fuck you’ve ever had and we both know it.” He isn’t wrong. Your makeup’s a mess, your hair is wrapped around his fingers.

“You’re the one who keeps fucking me.” You argue back, your spine arching as he hits that perfect spot inside you. Over and over and over.

He growls, leaning forwards to fold over you, his lips by your ear. “And who keep being a fucking brat? Huh? Who keeps coming to my gigs, fucking up my weekend? Practically begging me to fuck you.”

You scowl at him in the mirror. “I don’t beg.”

The chuckle that leaves his lips makes you shiver and you whimper when he tugs your hair harder, the sting of your scalp mixing with the pleasure his cock was giving you.

“You will. You may get everything you want from everyone else, princess, but I’m in charge here. Don’t. You. Forget.” His words are punctuated with a hard thrust, making you lurch forwards, your thighs pressing harshly against the counter.

“Oh God…Mickey,” that familiar tightness in your stomach appears, your eye clenching shut as your toes curl. “I’m so close…”

“Open your goddamn eyes. Look who’s doing this to you. Who fucking owns this pussy? Huh?”

Your eyes snap open and meet his again, his breaths fanning across your face, rapidly becoming less steady. “You.”

“That’s right. You wanna cum, sunshine?” You nod vigorously. He takes your lobe between his teeth and tugs as he stills his hips, keeping himself inside you. “Then beg.”

And, just like the many times before, you do. You do because you don’t actually care about begging. You care about him ruining you. That’s what you want. And you always get what you want. Fuck your dignity. 

He starts up slowly again as you plead, stopping a couple more times when you feel yourself getting close. “Mickey! Please, for the love of God!” He’s never edged you this much. Not this intensely. And not in the bathroom at a club. Usually it’s just a quickie before you take him home or vice versa.

But you pissed him off tonight. More so than usual. It was a good night and then you came along. Took his job. Played that dumb song. So he needs to remind you. Put you in your place. “You may be spoiled by everyone else, princess, but I’m the only one who can give you what you really want.”

“God, you’re so annoying.” You grind out through your clenched teeth.

He just smirks. “That wasn’t a denial. Let go, Y/N. Make a mess of my cock. Watch yourself fall apart for me.”

You do as he says, watching your jaw go slack in a silent scream, your body tensing, your legs shaking, as he finally lets you have what you want. Body going slack against the counter, he keeps rutting into you until he groans, a string of profanities leaving his lips as he spills inside you.

The both of you stay there, with him folded on top of you, his forehead resting against the nape of your neck, his grip on your hair loosening.

“That was fun. A little different.” You hum as he gets up. He’s glaring at you as you straighten and fix yourself. “Good orgasm though, so thanks for that. But I gotta get back to work now.”

“You’re such a pain in my ass.” He mutters, tucking himself away and pulling his pants up.

“Kinky. Maybe next time.” You wink at him through the mirror and his jaw ticks. He’s so fucking tired of it. Of you. How you let him have that one bit of control and then your right back to controlling the room once you get what you want. There’s so many nights where he wonders if he should just stop giving it to you. But then he’s inside you and he can’t help himself.

He watches you touch yourself up, although you still look thoroughly fucked, but you don’t seem to mind. This is new. You going back to the gig you stole after sex. He wonders if that was the last time for tonight, or if you’d be leaving together later too.

“I fucking hate you.” He spits out as you open the door, wanting to get the last word in.

You just smirk the same way he did to you earlier. “Yeah…but you love fucking me. Later, Mouse.”

Just like always, you’re the last comment as you walk out nonchalantly, even though he could see the slight wobble in your steps, the door shutting behind you, leaving him alone.

You hate Mickey Henry. You loathe him. You wish you never met him. But you can’t get enough. No matter how many times you convince yourself you have him where you want him, you know you don’t. You’d let him do anything to you. But you can’t stop. Like him and his cigarettes. He’s your flaw. And no matter how bad he is for you, you’re addicted.

Mickey Henry hates you. He loathes you. He wishes he never met you. But he can’t get enough. No matter how many times he convinces himself he’s in control, he knows he’s not. He always gives you what you want at the end of the day. But he can’t stop. Like you and your alcohol. You’re his flaw. And no matter how bad it is for him, he’s addicted.

*****

*****

*****

Personal Taglist:

@happygoreading​ @bibliophilewednesday​ @breadqueen95​ @marvelettesassemble​ @w-wolfhxrd​ @the-larry-romance​ @abitofeverythinggg​

[samanthadalton]

Personality traits for Chloe st James (ABCs)

this is a (late) birthday present for @alleycat97 bc i know how much she loves Chloe. It was definitely fun writing for her character and coming up with traits for her 

taglist: @alleycat97 @cloud9in @fundamentalromantic (sometimes my tags don’t work on my laptop, im not sure why) 

NSFW on some parts but I marked the parts 

A- Attentive 

Being around someone like Poppy means that Chloe is extremely attentive to the small details. She’s always picking up on the little signals and constantly makes sure you’re okay. She’ll literally show up to your dorm at 3am if your texts seem “off” to her and she’s worried you’re sad. 

NSFW- Chloe is very attentive to your pleasure during sex and loves kissing/biting your neck or chest to heighten your pleasure. 

B- Bottom

NSFW- Chloe is definitely a bottom but she’s not a pillow princess. She once got super offended that you called her one and wanted to show you she’s not the type to lie down and take it. Even though she lets you take the reins, she’s super bratty and loves verbally teasing you to turn you on more. 

C- Candidness 

You can always count on Chloe to tell the truth because she has no filter and will say whatever is on her mind. You find it both endearing but annoying sometimes because her lack of filter means she does say a lot of things that may seem rude but you know she means well. 

D- Daredevil 

NFSW- Chloe is definitely too kinky for her own good and is always down to try something new during sex, even though she always lets you take the lead. She’ll gingerly ask you if you want to do whatever new thing she’s found online and show you a bunch of videos on how to do it. 

E- Experience

NSFW- This surprised you but Chloe doesn’t have a lot of experience in the bedroom. When it comes to sex, she feels more comfortable around people she can trust, but her past partners never gave her any security so she never really knew how much of it worked until you. But now she’s breaking out of her shell more and becoming more forward with her likes and dislikes. 

F- Favourite position

NSFW- Chloe’s favourite position is seeing you between her legs, as you pleasure her. She loves eye contact and practically falls apart when your eyes meet as you eat her out. She also loves laying down on the couch with you on top of her, kissing and cuddling her because she feels the safest in your arms. 

G- Goofiness

The more you get to know Chloe, the more goofy you realise she is. She loves acting silly and stupid on purpose just to make you laugh and isn’t afraid to scream to the top of her lungs in public which evokes weird stares from random passerbys but always seems to make you laugh. 

H- Horniness

NSFW- Chloe is the epitome of horniness and loves teasing you which ends up with you dragging her to your bedroom or just doing it right on the sofa. She loves wearing outfits which are purposely revealing, and will try and seduce you by ‘accidentally’ dropping a pen and then bending over to pick it up, showing off her ass in the process. 

I- Impulsive

Chloe tends to be pretty impulsive, acting on her own whim because she either forgets she has anything planned and does something else or she’s sick of living in a controlled environment and just likes to be spontaneous. Her impulsive decisions once led you to a three day weekend in Vegas because she just wanted to play poker (even though she doesn’t know how to play). 

J- Jealousy

Chloe gets jealous really easily, which is something she isn’t proud of but you know it’s only because she loves you so much. Whenever girls get too friendly with you, she’ll loop your arm with hers, pulling you close to your side, before giving a massive show of PDA. Usually nights where Chloe gets jealous ends in quickies in the bathroom, or just leaving the event early just so you can hook up and you can remember that you are hers, 

K- Kinks

NSFW- One of Chloe’s biggest kinks is feet. There’s something unexplainable about it but her biggest turn on is feet. She loves kissing your feet or sucking on your toes because it gets her in the mood. The first time she tried it with you, she was nervous because she wasn’t sure how you would react, but she was glad when you were receptive and enjoyed it. 

L- Lazy 

Chloe loves her lazy days where she can do nothing whatsoever. Because she’s so used to everything being done for her, she usually acts like a queen and will expect you to treat her one, which includes cooking and cleaning.

M- Masturbation

NSFW- Chloe wasn’t too comfortable with the idea of masturbation at first as a result of her inexperience but after investing in a vibrator, she definitely feels better about masturbating as a whole, though she prefers sex. 

N- Narcissism

Chloe is hugely confident about herself, which can be seen as borderline narcissistic but that’s only because she knows she looks good. Back in high school, she was the prom queen and was voted most likely to stay hot (which she was extremely happy about). Chloe does care about looks a lot but that’s only because she was insecure as a child and had to overcome a lot of those insecurities. She’s working on becoming less vain which is working because she complimented Taylor the other day and said she looked good. 

O- Opinionated 

Chloe has a lot of opinions about everything and will let them be known, even if she doesn’t have all the facts. She has a guilty pleasure of reality tv shows and will always explain to you what is going on and who is the worst and who she loves. 

P- Picky

Chloe is a very picky eater and is the type to order chicken tenders and fries or salad from a restaurant when the menu isn’t appealing to her. You’ve been working on expanding her appetite. She definitely has expensive tastes and likes the most bizarre food which makes you wonder why she’s such a picky eater. For example she loves caviar but refuses to eat scallops. 

Q- Quickies

NSFW- Though she prefers sex being sensual and passionate, she does love a good quickie and will be down for one. During parties she’ll drag you to an empty bedroom rather than a bathroom because she’s unsure of what she’ll catch. 

R- Reliable

Chloe is extremely reliant and you can depend on her whenever you need something. Because she’s number 2 at Belvoire she knows how to get things done (even if she has to use other people for it). She’s really good at delegating and is someone you can trust with your secrets. 

S- Scared

Chloe gets scared really easily and hates watching horror movies unless you’re there to cuddle with her. Once when you took her to one of those haunted houses, she fainted because a monster crept up on her and she screamed so much, she ended up knocking herself out. 

T- Toys

NSFW- Chloe doesn’t have any toys but she does have a pair of handcuffs and loves using vibrators during sex. Usually during sex, you’ll put her underwear in her mouth to quieten her or use of her expensive scarfs to tie her hands up. 

U- Useless

Chloe has a lot of insecurities and one includes her not feeling worthy or useful. You often have to reassure her that she is an amazing human being and show her how incredible she is. She’s always so appreciative of your efforts to make her feel better and with you around, she feels like she’s done something right. You’ve been encouraging her to pursue a career in dance, because she absolutely lights up when she’s choreographing a new dance routine for the Zeta’s and you know she’ll do an amazing job. 

V- Volume 

NSFW- Chloe is very loud during sex and will let every sound out. Zoey has complained once or twice (or a lot of times) about the noise but Chloe can’t help it and the moans she makes are like music to your ears. 

W- Wild

Chloe does have a crazy side and after a few drinks, all of her morals, self preservation, self control are almost gone and she’ll let loose. She once flashed a bouncer to let her into the VIP section of the club (which worked) and if you dare her to do almost anything while drunk, she’ll do it without a second thought. 

X- X-ray 

NSFW- Chloe doesn’t have the biggest boobs but they definitely are very perky. She’s slim because dancing helps her to keep fit and can do a split (which drives you a little crazy) and both front and back flips. She’s about 5’9 and she definitely prefers having medium sized hair compared to long. 

Y- Yearning

Wherever you go back home for the holidays, Chloe is always missing you because she’s accustomed to having you by her side. She’ll constantly text/facetime with you to make sure you’re okay but also because she’s missing you like crazy. 

Z- Zodiac

Chloe is super into astrology and you guys play a little game where you’ll watch random strangers and try and guess their signs. She’s always sending you daily horoscopes in regards to your sign and always sends you compatibility posts about your signs. 

[kimmietea]

Double Yikes! Part 1 (Ben Hardy x Reader)

Summary: Ben and Reader go on their date.

Warnings: Dirty thoughts, cursing...sickly sweet touching moments

Continuation of Yikes!

A/N: Wow ok hi everyone! Is this actually happening? Im actually posting this! So i decided to break up Double Yikes into 2 parts. First of all because it has been way too long and i feel awful for making you all wait and 2 because I’m struggling with the end and I'm hoping this will buy me some more time. I don’t bite so please tell me what you all think. Do you hate it? Love it? Want more? Tell me all of it. I love to hear from you. Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list for when part 2 is finished. Ok I think that’s it...oh don’t forget Italics is reader thinking to herself in her head. Alright let’s do this!!

TagList:: @borhapqueen92  @radiob-l-a-hblah  @gwendolyns-stacy @coincidence-ithinknots-blog @mythicmazzellos  @hardforbenhardy @onceuponadetectivedemigod

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“Wait wait, read it to me again.” Morgan said stuffing the last bit of her lunch into her mouth. You were both sitting in your office for lunch, talking about Ben and your upcoming date that night, when he texted you as promised a few hours before.

“It says 'Do you mind if I pick you up for our date? I really want to be a perfect gentleman.' Then there are the fingers crossed emoji and in brackets '🤞(please say yes).' You read and flipped the phone around to show her.

"Want to be? Hell he already is."

"I'm so nervous. He still didn't say where or what time. What if I don't get out of work in time to shower? Oh god I'm gonna smell on our first date. What am I gonna wear? If I don't have enough time to shower then I might not have enough time to change. Oh god what if i wear what i'm wearing now. He's gonna look and smell so good. All showered and sexy in whatever he's got on and I'm gonna be this gross, smelly potato still in her clothes from work. Im freaking out!" You were spiraling.

"Alright calm down. One thing at a time. Let's come up with a reply. Do you want him to pick you up?"

"Of course I do." You smiled. "Better chance of a goodnight kiss."

"Or a good morning kiss" She muttered.

"Morgan!" She held her hands up in defense.

“I’m just saying what you’re thinking.”

She’s not wrong

“Oh shut up and help me.”

 Together you came up with a reply and he responded with the time he would be by to pick you up and the dress code, to which he described as 'Fancier than work but not the royal wedding.', because he refused to tell you where you were going, causing you to stress about it for the rest of the day. At least you would have enough time to shower and change.

By the time you left work, you were nothing but a big nervous mess. When you got home you had 2 hours to get ready before Ben would be there. You went straight to the shower making sure every bit of you was clean and any place that needed shaving was taken care of just in case things ended the way Morgan said they would.

You were definitely not the type of girl to sleep with a guy on the first date but there was something about Ben. A pull you just couldn't explain. A need to be close to him but at the same time a need to be far away because you were so nervous you may vomit all over him. Plus this very well could be the last time you see him, him being an actor and his career on the verge of skyrocketing and all. So why not make the most of it if the opportunity arises.

After your shower you spent way too long in the closet trying to pick something to wear. You finally decided on what Morgan called your "Posh Spice Dress". It was a simple black dress that stopped mid thigh, with thin straps.

Hair and makeup came next and you kept things simple. Minimal makeup and a simple, messy sort of bun with a few pieces falling around your face. You received a text from Ben notifying you that he was on his way.  Shoes on, wallet and keys in purse. You snapped a quick picture in the full length mirror and sent it off to Morgan as promised.

The knock at the door made you jump and almost drop your phone.

Jesus that was fast.

You could feel your hands start to sweat and your heart pound as you walked to the door.

Breath you manic, it's just a date. Breath.

You opened the door and the breath you just talked yourself into taking was stolen from you. Ben was dressed in a wonderful black suit and dark green shirt, making his eyes stand out. His hair was tousled just enough so a piece hung over his forehead. He was looking at the floor but when the door opened he looked up. He shook his head to get the stray piece or hair off his forehead but it did nothing but make you weak in the knees.

Fuuuuck! You beautiful bastard. My god, I'm gonna be distracted all night.

The effect he had on you must have shown on your face because his cheeks were a light pink.

"Hey." He smiled.

"Hi." You managed to get out. He leaned in and pressed a kiss to your cheek. You were grateful you were still holding the door otherwise you'd be on the ground.

"Wow you look... absolutely stunning." You looked to the ground to try and hide the furious blush that was now burning your face.

“Oh um these are for you.”  He handed you the small batch of daffodils you hadn't noticed he was holding.

“My favorite. How did you know?” Trusting your knees wouldn't fail you, you moved inside and gestured for him to follow. In the kitchen you found a vase and filled it with water before turning to face him.

“I may have called the office and asked Morgan.” His bottom lip pulled between his teeth. You clenched your legs together and did everything you could not to moan out loud.

How inappropriate would it be if I jumped him right now?

“Sorry. That’s kinda creepy now that I say it out loud.” He laughed.

“No it’s not creepy. It’s thoughtful. They’re beautiful, thank you Ben.” You reassured and touched his arm gratefully. He nodded and when you turned to place the vase on the counter he let his fingers brush where you had touched his arm.

“Ready?” He asked, clearing his throat.

“Yep.” You grabbed your things and headed out the door to Bens car that was waiting in the parking lot of your apartment building. Keeping up his promise of being the perfect gentleman, he walked you to the passenger side and opened the door for you. His hand on your lower back the entire way. Once you were both settled in the car he passed you his phone, spotify was pulled up.

“Alright D.J. do your thing.” He said, pulling out of the lot and onto the street. You laughed and took the phone from him.

Ok do NOT fuck this up!

“Ah the real test.” You scrolled for a little.

“You probably think I'm going to play something Queen.” You saw the smirk on his face but he stayed silent.

Don’t be a cliche bitch.

“While i do love Queen, I'm sure that's all anyone ever plays for you now and I refuse to be that person.” You hummed and scrolled through his playlists. Surprisingly you had a lot of the same taste in music.

Should I pick something funny? Maybe a love song? No, to mushy.

“Oh I got it.” You said before clicking the one you had chosen. ’Thank you’ from Led Zeppelin. Just the right amount of lovey without being obvious. You watched his face as the music started. The smirk faded and a soft smile appeared.

“Why yes boys, she’s not just a pretty face, she’s got great music taste too.” You joked. His face didn’t change. He turned to glance at you before returning his eyes back to the road, smile still in place.

Oh shit. No real reaction.

“So, how’d I do?” You asked. You felt almost nauseous with the butterflies in your stomach. He looked to you again, a look you couldn't place.

"Perfect." He answered in almost a whisper. There was something more to that answer, you could feel it. There was tension in the car. Not a bad one, not a sexual one. Just an energy, an electric charge. This wasn't going to be just a regular date.

I wonder if he can feel that too.

Before either one of you could break the tension your phone chimed with a text message. You took your phone from your purse to see a message from Morgan.

‘YAS you sexy bitch! Get that dickin’ down girl!’ You couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up and out of you.

“What’s so funny?” Ben asked.

Oh shit

You put your phone on silent and put it back in your purse after texting her back a thumbs up and a winking emoji. The mood in the car shifted, it was light, fun and you could breathe normal again.

“Just Morgan being Morgan.”

“Is that the ‘Let me know if you need me to get you out of this awful date and I'll make something up.’ text?” You laughed and shook your head.

Nope, just my best friend wishing me good luck on tryin to sex you up tonight.

“No, actually believe it or not, we didn’t even have that conversation.” You told him truthfully. The thought of coming up with an escape plan in case things went south didn’t even cross your mind. His smile grew.

“Feelin’ pretty good about this date then?” He chuckled, doing his best to joke but you could hear the nerves in his voice. You turned your full attention to him and put your elbow on the middle console, your chin resting in your hand, a warm smile on your lips. He pulled up to a stop light as you answered.

“Very good.” He turned to look at you, his smile still soft, that look in his eyes you couldn’t place was still shining at you. You watched as his eyes moved all across your face, as if he was doing his best to capture every inch of it, commit it to memory so he would never forget.

Oh my god please kiss me.

The mood shifted again and you found it hard to catch your breath.

There is no way he isn’t feeling this. It’s too strong.

He brought his hand up and let the back of his knuckles gently run along the side of your face.

How have I not noticed how full his lips are. I bet they feel amazing.

“Me too.” He whispered.

Oh god I'm in trouble.

The light turned green, the mood shifted again and Ben continued to the restaurant. As if that intense moment hadn’t just happened. All the mood changes were making you dizzy.

The rest of the ride was nice, you chatted about little things, his upcoming projects, how the rest of your work day was. When you pulled into a spot at the restaurant, Ben jumped out and ran around to your side of the car opening the door for you and offering his arm. You grinned at him and looped your arm in his.

Once inside and at your table, a perfect cozy spot in the corner, Ben pulled your chair out for you. You recognized the name of the restaurant, ‘Ember’ . It was the new hot spot. It was only open a few months and already the reservation list was booked up till a year and a half from now.

How did he get us in here? He doesn't seem like one of those actors to use his name or the fact that he’s an actor, to get what he wants.

You stopped looking at your menu to look at him, his eyes were roaming the page.

“I have to say, I’m a little impressed you were able to get us here on such short notice.” He laughed and glanced up at you.

“Don’t be. The head chef, Ryan, is a close mate from back home. I had to beg him for about an hour after I left your office to get us a table.”

Ugh. The cutest.

“That and while i'm in town I owe him 3 nights of babysitting his 4 year old daughter, Olivia, so him and his wife can go out. So yeah not too impressive.”

Jk, that was the cutest. And now I'm picturing Ben with a 4 year old. I am fuckin done for.

“I wouldn’t say that. I find the fact that you called my office to find out my favorite flower, begged your friend for a table at his restaurant and gave up 3 of your nights to babysit all to have dinner with some girl you just met 10 hours ago kinda impressive.” He smiled and set his menu aside.

"Well she's definitely not just some girl." You also put your menu aside, your head tilted sweetly to the side.

"Oh no?"

"No, she's special." Your heart skipped a beat. That same electric feeling from the car was back.

Fuck.

"Well she thinks you're pretty special too." His face went red and he looked down at the table to try and hide it. The waitress approached the table. She was young, early 20s for sure, pretty and clearly recognized Ben. The electric feeling was gone again.

"Hi, I'm Kate. I'll be your server tonight. Can I start you off with a drink?" She said a little too sweetly. She angled herself towards Ben, her back slightly to you. You could already feel yourself getting agitated.

Please do not fuck up my night with this man you little hoe.

Ben ordered a bottle of wine for the two of you after looking to you for the okay which you gave with a smile and nod. Kate leaned into him just so as he ordered an appetizer for you to share. You were not normally a fan of guys who ordered for their dates but something about the way Ben did was incredibly sexy.

"Is that alright my darling?" He asked. His eyes were wide and innocent, a slight blush on his cheeks.

He's so considerate. And completely oblivious.

You could see the annoyed look on Kate's face as he addressed you. You smirked.

"Of course, whatever you want. I trust you." You said and placed your hand on top of his that was resting on the table. His smile grew so wide it took up his entire face.

He's gonna kill me with that smile.

He flipped his hand over in yours so he could hold it properly. He glanced down at them then back up to you, a questioning look on his face. You smiled and squeezed his hand in reassurance. His wide smile was back again.

"I'll go put this in." Kate said, trying to pull his focus.

"Thank you." He replied and held the menus out of her to take. His eyes never leave you. You felt a surge of confidence pull through your whole body. She huffed, took the menus from him.

"Don't we need those to order?" You asked.

"Oh, Ryan said he wanted to make us something special. For us to just order an appetizer and wine and he would take care of the rest."  

Wow VIP treatment. I'm seriously impressed.

Kate rolled her eyes and turned to leave.

"Oh Kate, could we also get some water please?" You smiled at her. You couldn't help that it was a little smug. Before she could answer Ben brought your joint hands up to his lips, placing a kiss to your knuckles before returning them to the table.

Perfect timing you charming bastard.

"Of course." She answered with a fake, forced smile and left. Your eyes returned to Ben. His smile was shining, addictive and contagious. You could feel yours growing to match. The conversation flowed easily. You talked about everything. Gone were any awkward moments. It was like you had known each other for years vs. only a few hours. You both were still shy and nervous at times but were growing more confident and comfortable as dinner went one. After you both had the amazing meal Ryan prepared for you, he came over to the table.

"Well well if it isn't little Jonesy." He laughed and threw his arm around Ben's shoulders, pulled him close and tousled his hair.

"Mate come on. I'm on a bloody date. Stop it." He struggled to get out of his friend's hold. Ryan laughed and placed a big smacking kiss on Ben’s cheek.

“Muah! Missed you mate.”

“Yeah yeah I missed you too. Now get off of me.” He shook him off but he was grinning the entire time. Ryan shoved at his shoulder with a matching grin before turning his attention to you.

"You must be Y/N, It's a pleasure to meet you." He said, offering his hand to shake.

"And you. Thank you so much for that meal. It was amazing. You are very talented" You gushed and met his hand with yours.

"Great taste and extremely beautiful." Ryan said letting your hand go and leaning into Ben's side.

"That she is." Ben answered, his eyes trained on you. Your heart fluttered.

"She's far too good for you Jonesy." Ryan joked.

"Don't I know it." You were sure your face was red and flushed.

Well that couldn't be more untrue. I'm so worried you're going to realise I'm just an average girl and then you'll be gone.

"Alright shove over, let's catch up for a bit." Ryan said grabbing a chair from a nearby table and pulling it up to yours. Ben slid his chair over to make room.

Oh shit, here we go nerves.

He was now sitting next to you rather than across. His arm instinctively draped over the back of your chair.

Okay, okay deep breath. Fuck he smells so good. No more deep breaths.

The boys chatted away, mostly about what they've been up to and Ryan's family. Ryan asked what you did, you told him and explained that was how you and Ben met.

"You know I would love to do a piece on you." You said taking a sip of wine. Having Ryan there had calmed your nerves, took some of the pressure off. You were relaxed and you could tell Ben was too. He leaned back in his chair, arm still draped over the back of yours. You were lent forwards, elbows on the table engaged in the conversation.

"Me?" Ryan laughed surprised.

"Yeah, I think the people would love to learn about the head chef at the new hot spot. I mean only if you're interested that is. You don't have to. Just a thought."

“That sounds good. Jonesy can give you my number, give me a call and we’ll set it up.” You smiled, feeling proud.This was gonna get you some serious points with your boss.

“Alright, I'm going to stop hogging your date and get back to work. Y/N it really was a pleasure meeting you. I look forward to seeing you again.” He said leaning over to place a kiss on your cheek.

“Jonesy I’ll see you soon for babysitting.” He laughed, hugged his friend and whispered to him.

“She seems perfect for you mate, don’t fuck it up.” Ben laughed and kissed his cheek the same way Ryan had upon arriving at the table.

“I’m sending you guys some desert so get comfortable.” He said before leaving. You turned to look at Ben over your shoulder, he was grinning at you.

"What?" You asked, now matching his grin. He brought the hand that was draped over the back of your chair, up to your exposed back and let the tips of his fingers run across the skin. Despite feeling hot all over, you shivered and goosebumps appeared.

"I've never seen him take to someone so fast. Especially someone I'm interested in."

Ok butterflies, calm down.

“I guess that means I'm pretty awesome.” You joked and leaned back in your chair, turned towards him, your knees now touching. His hand moved to the side of your face. He brushed a piece of hair behind your ear and let his finger gently continue over the shell of your ear, down your jaw and across your chin. Your heart was hammering in your chest. His touch was so soft and gentle you couldn't help but lean into him slightly.

Fuck. Me. Up.

“I’d say pretty awesome doesn't even begin to cover it.”

I swear if you don't kiss me right fuckin now i will exploed.

As if he was reading your thoughts he leaned in slowly, giving you the chance to pull away. He was so close now, you could feel his soft, warm breath across your face.

"Here's your desert." Kate, the waitress interrupted and placed a plate of chocolate covered strawberries on the table between you.

God damn it!

She had a satisfied smirk on her face.

Bitch

Ben pulled back, cleared his throat and offered a weak smile to Kate. It took everything in you not to huff and pout like a child not getting the toy they wanted.

"Chef asked me to give you this." Kate said and passed what looked like the check to Ben before leaving again. You watched as his eyes traveled over it and a grin spread across his face.

"Cheeky shit." He laughed and handed it to you. It was a note from Ryan.

Dinner is on me. Not because of you Jonesy, cause your beautiful date. She charmed the pants off me. The wife's gettin lucky tonight! Hope you are too.

A warm blush spread across your cheeks.

"Well that was very sweet of him." You said trying not to focus on the "hope you get lucky" comment.

"He likes to embarrass me." Ben laughed and nudged the plate towards you. "Strawberry?"

You both ate your dessert and continued to chat. You couldn't believe how easy it was to talk to him. Sure you still got nervous and giddy when he smiled at you and your heart would speed up, making your hands sweat but for the most part your nerves had calmed down enough for you to hold a conversation without stumbling over your words and flushing at the smallest up turn of his lips. When you finished Kate returned to the table to remove the plate and ask if you needed anything else.

“Actually may I borrow your pen?” Ben asked. She nodded and handed it to him. A hopeful look on her face. He took the note from Ryan, turned it over. You watched over his shoulder as he wrote:

Thanks for dinner you sexy man. See you soon for babysitting.

And signed it with a heart.

Kate looked disappointed.

Ha!

“Oh me next” You said, getting an idea. You searched your bag for your lipstick. Red lipstick wasn’t really your style but Morgan had convinced you to buy it once and it’s been in your bag ever since. You put it on, making sure to get it in the corners and lay it on thick. You could see Ben watching you out of the corner of your eye. His mouth was parted slightly and his eyes followed your hand as it traveled across your lips. You smirked at him a little as you rubbed your lips together before pressing your lips to the paper, leaving a perfect kiss mark. You wrote a quick thank you next to it.

“He’s gonna love that.” Ben said, his voice deep and a little rough.

Holy hotness batman

He gave Kate her pen back and asked if she would pass the note back to him. She agreed and left with the plate and note. Ben stood and held his hand out to you.

“Ready love?”

Your heart jumped a little.

Fuck I hope i never get used to hearing that

“Ready” You slyly wiped your sweaty hands on your dress before placing your hand in his. He helped you up and intertwined your fingers, pulling you close to his side as you both walked out of the restaurant. The car ride back to your apartment was filled with laughs. Ben was telling you stories about him and Ryan and all the crazy things they used to do, how they met, how Ryan met his wife and when Ryan asked Ben to be Olivia’s godfather.

When he pulled into the parking lot of your building he insisted on walking you to your door. ‘All part of the perfect gentleman package’ he told you. He took your hand again during the elevator ride up to your floor and swung your connected hands slightly as he walked you to your apartment and released it when you stood in front of the door.

Ok, goodnight kiss, let's do this!

"Thank you Ben, I had a really great time." He took a small step forward and placed one hand on your hip, your heart sped up. His hand felt heavy and the heat coming from him being so close spread through your entire body.

"So did I. Thank you for agreeing to go out with me tonight. I never do this kind of thing but I couldn't leave your office without a definite way to see you again." He laughed a little to ease his nerves, his head leaning slightly closer to you.

Oh god ok, breath

"Well I'm very glad you did." You said, much softer than you intended. Ben had his bottom lip trapped between his teeth as his eyes traveled over your face, landing on your lips. He was close and you could feel his breath across your face again, like at the restaurant. His heavy hand still firm on your hip, his thumb now rubbing along soothingly.

Please kiss me

He brought his other hand up to the side of your face, letting the tips of his fingers run over your cheekbone.

Pleeeease kiss me

You took a chance and placed your hand at the nape of his neck, letting your fingers intertwine in his hair. He smiled and licked his lips.

PAH-LEEAS KISS ME DAMN IT!

"Y/N, can I kiss you?" He whispered.

FUCKIN FINALLY!

Too afraid you'd actually say what you were thinking, you nodded. He smiled and leaned in slowly to close the space between you. You instantly felt an electric shock travel through you causing you to move closer towards him and tug on his hair. He moaned into the kiss and slid his hand from your hip to your back, pulling you flush against him.

You sighed at the feeling of him being pressed against you and your lips parted. Ben wasted no time and slid his tongue along yours. You moaned and let your unoccupied hand glide up his torso, feeling his tight muscles under his shirt to rest on his chest. Ben's hand that was near your face moved to join his other on your back.

Your entire body was on fire, your head spinning, either from the intensity of the kiss or the lack of oxygen, you weren't sure. Just when you were about to pull back to see if he wanted to move things inside, he slid one of his hands down to rest on the curve of your ass.

You whined and pushed back into his hand. He moaned and gripped your ass roughly, causing you to involuntarily snap your hips forward into his. He moaned again and finally pulled away. Ben was panting heavily, his lips were swollen and red, his cheeks flushed and warm. You were sure you looked the same.

Alright, say something cool and invite him inside

You opened your mouth to speak but he beat you to it.

"I can't do this." Your heart dropped and you could feel the color drain from your face.

A/N: Sorry for the cliffhanger but i need to make sure you come back! Don’t hate me!

[smallblueandloud]

fsk emotions: the playlist

(i’d like to apologize in advance for how long this is going to get. UPDATE: yeah, this is around 4k, i am So Sorry.)

in case y’all weren’t aware, i have fitzskimmons emotions ALL THE TIME. my poor friends have to deal with me texting them at 11 pm like “i’m freaking out about fsk again” embarrassingly often. so, i figured i’d try to share some of those emotions with y’all, in the form of songs from my private fsk playlist on spotify. 

that playlist is 63 songs long. hopefully i will not feel the need to talk about ALL 63, but i’m not going to make any promises. y’all know what i’m like about this. i’m planning on giving you a list of the songs for your listening pleasure, and then go into detail about the lines / vibes from each song that i think especially fit the ship. we shall see how this goes.

just a warning: my music taste is very all over the place. i associate the sound of 80s love songs with fsk, so there’s gonna be a few of those, but also some weird obscure indie songs and some pop and just... bear with me, okay? these songs are in no particular order, because i have no idea how to make a “”legit”” playlist or whatever the heck y’all are doing to make such good mixes. i’m just gonna stick a tracklist here and move on.

can’t fight this feeling // reo speedwagon

gravity // sara bareilles

new year’s day // taylor swift

don’t go breaking my heart // elton john & kiki dee

dancing in the dark // bruce springsteen

born to be yours // kygo & imagine dragons

i choose you // sara bareilles

ordinary people // john legend

carry on // fun.

blackbird // the beatles

thunder road // bruce springsteen

the long and winding road // the beatles

the archer // taylor swift

army of angels // the script

paper rings // taylor swift

lucky // jason mraz & colbie caillat

wonderwall // zella day

team // noah cyrus

i melt with you // modern english

cornelia street // taylor swift

coroner’s report // molly ofgeography

two // sleeping at last

fair // the amazing devil

arms unfolding // dodie

making love out of nothing at all // air supply

all the song explanations are under the cut, because this is going to get long. there’s also ten honorable mentions if you manage to make it to the end of this. let’s get started!

1. can’t fight this feeling // reo speedwagon

i felt legally required to put this one first because i literally named my magnum opus after it. i like this song a lot on its own, but it specifically reminds me of fsk because the idea of your partner(s) as the place you will always gravitate towards is peak fsk for me. also, these three are canonically each others’ reassurance and rock and i’m just... i love them a lot, okay? this song’s imagery and lyrics have come to be inextricably associated with fsk for me and i love it a lot.

important lyrics: “And even as I wander, I'm keeping you in sight You're a candle in the window on a cold, dark winter's night”

“And if I have to crawl upon the floor, come crashing through your door Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore“

2. gravity // sara bareilles

this one goes second because it’s probably my favorite song of all time. i play it on repeat whenever i’m feeling sad or anxious or pining or happy or just... anytime, lmao. but i also think it’s a very fsk song, and more specifically the fitzdaisy relationship! not only does it have more of that “gravitating towards each other” theme (more literally in this case), but the lyrics are also... very much fitzdaisy, i think, who are very much each others’ safe space and have been vulnerable with each other from the very beginning.

important lyrics: “ Oh, you loved me 'cause I'm fragile When I thought that I was strong But you touch me for a little while And all my fragile strength is gone”

(although really every single lyric fits really perfectly, so go and check out this song! it’s genuinely my favorite song ever and i think everyone would benefit from a listen or two)

3. new year’s day // taylor swift

the most underrated song from reputation, this song is probably the most INTENSELY fsk song i’ve ever heard. these three have grown up together, have changed together, have left their mark on each other in ways that can never be undone. the thing i’m most nervous for in the series finale is the show completely ignoring that impact (along with all three’s relationships with coulson and may especially!). no matter their romantic configuration, none of them would be the same if they hadn’t known the others. and new year’s day really articulates that, along with a really sweet feeling of trust and the image of them cleaning up together after a party - which makes perfect sense when you think about canon, and how they’d stick together even after leaving the life-changing experience of shield. even though there’s no more life-changing adventures, they’re still going to be together, and that means something. y’all, this song is really good and the best fsk song ever and you NEED to listen to it.

important lyrics: “Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you And I will hold on to you”

“Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere”

4. don’t go breaking my heart // elton john & kiki dee

look, just let them be happy, okay? also, i really love the trust aspect of this song, which i associate intensely with the fsk relationship. after all of the betrayal and pain and suffering they’ve experienced, i really love thinking about how much all three must trust each other, even in canon. also i wrote a fic where all three danced to this song and now i won’t ever get that image out of my head.

important lyrics: “Don't go breaking my heart I couldn't if I tried Honey, if I get restless Baby, you're not that kind”

“And nobody told us 'Cause nobody showed us And now it's up to us, babe Whoa, I think we can make it“

5. dancing in the dark // bruce springsteen

okay, this song is a bit darker than the others but i am a secret lover of springsteen, shh. also the mood works VERY well for three agents of shield who haven’t gotten a break since they left college. i really like the idea of them making their own happiness in the middle of the darkness together, because that’s part of why i’m so emotional about them! they are each others’ safe space and protector!

important lyrics: “You can't start a fire Sitting 'round crying over a broken heart This gun's for hire Even if we’re just dancing in the dark”

6. born to be yours // kygo & imagine dragons

heck yeah, let’s talk about the fact that no one in the ot3 would be the same if they hadn’t met the others! not just that, but the fact that they support each other and are a big reason why each of them have made it through the pain of the series with, like, less trauma then they could’ve. fitz was there for daisy when she developed her powers and is the one who talked her into coming back in s4, daisy was there for jemma when she came back from maveth (and in the framework), and jemma and fitz have been supporting each other since they worked things out in s3. also, they know each other insanely well and i think this song does a great job of expressing that!

important lyrics: “I never knew anybody 'til I knew you I never knew anybody 'til I knew you And I know when it rains, oh, it pours And I know I was born to be yours”

7. i choose you // sara bareilles

they! change! together! thank you for coming to my ted talk! also, i’m just... very obsessed with the idea of them choosing to be together, choosing to try to work through their problems, even when there have been so many. i am also obsessed with the idea of them spending their lives together. leave me alone.

important lyrics: “We are not perfect we'll learn from our mistakes And as long as it takes I will prove my love to you I am not scared of the elements I am underprepared, But I am willing And even better I get to be the other half of you”

8. ordinary people // john legend

i really, really love this song, actually? i’m a big fan of a lot of his music lmao. but i like this song specifically because it’s about how complicated love can be sometimes, and i think fsk’s love gets really complicated sometimes! and like, despite it all, they love each other and they’re trying to work it out. but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s really hard sometimes! (shoutout to the fic i titled with a lyric from this song that exemplifies that exactly)

important lyrics: “I know I misbehaved and you made your mistakes And we both still got room left to grow And though love sometimes hurts I still put you first And we'll make this thing work but I think maybe we should take it slow”

9. carry on // fun.

first off, this song has INTENSE post-framework fitz vibes. this is very much how i headcanon his relationship with violence works after they escape from the framework and fuck canon. but also, just, the idea of them all healing together? the idea of them moving on together after shield? poetic cinema. chef’s kiss. they’ve all changed SO MUCH since the show started, and yeah, not all of that change is good! but at least they’re still together.

important lyrics: “You swore and said we are not We are not shining stars This I know I never said we are Though I've never been through hell like that I've closed enough windows to know you can never look back”

10. blackbird // the beatles

i don’t know what about this song reminds me of jemma but something in this song reminds me of jemma, and fitz and daisy helping her heal. regardless, i am So Into them helping each other heal! mostly because the way that the show refuses to give them a break is SO FRUSTRATING. (also it tends to involve them being soft with each other and i am Weak.)

important lyrics: “Blackbird singing in the dead of night Take these broken wings and learn to fly”

11. thunder road // bruce springsteen

this is probably my second favorite song of all time. i am Absolutely Unbiased For Sure. regardless, i adore the imagery of this song, the contrast between the poetic feeling of it and the down-to-earth lyrics. this song, to me, is about people coming back to each other at the end of a long long journey. being in love while tired and recovering from a long, painful, messy life. and that just fits them... so well.

important lyrics: “Well now I'm no hero That's understood All the redemption I can offer girl Is beneath this dirty hood”

“With a chance to make it good somehow Hey what else can we do now Except roll down the window And let the wind blow back your hair? Well the night's busting open These two lanes will take us anywhere“

(y’all do not understand how hard it was to not copy All The Lyrics. you really really have to listen to this song.)

12. the long and winding road // the beatles

EXACTLY THE SAME THING THAT I SAID FOR THE LAST SONG. god this song works so well for them. they are never going to be able to leave each other because they’re so interconnected and yeah, part of that is circumstance, but so MUCH of that is CHOICE. they CHOSE to spend time together, they CHOSE to spend time together, i’m getting emotional over here.

important lyrics: “The long and winding road That leads to your door Will never disappear I've seen that road before It always leads me here Lead me to you door”

13. the archer // taylor swift

this is THE definitive daisy pov song. try to tell me i’m wrong. you can’t. daisy showing vulnerability is a BIG DEAL because of how easily she deflects things! she shows vulnerability to people she loves, most notably mack, coulson, fitz, and jemma! it physically pains me to think about how much she trusts them, y’all. there’s also this sense of melancholy throughout the song, because she’s never going to be the person that she once was. I’m Upset, Y’all.

important lyrics: “Combat, I'm ready for combat I say I don't want that, but what if I do? 'Cause cruelty wins in the movies I've got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you Easy they come, easy they go I jump from the train, I ride off alone I never grew up, it's getting so old Help me hold onto you”

14. army of angels // the script

this song is courtesy of @theclaravoyant, who recommended this as THE fsk song, and i think she’s very right! they fight TOGETHER, y’all. i’m very emo about it. their love is TRANSCENDENT and helps them OVERCOME their obstacles and i’m Really Upset About It, okay?? this song especially sounds like jemma’s voice, but it works so well for any of them and i Love It.

important lyrics: “When they got me cornered Close to giving in Oh I feel you round me like a second skin”

15. paper rings // taylor swift

*sobbing* i just want them to be HAPPY. i think part of my feelings about this song stem from, like, how fsk manages to find love during really, really dark times? and manages to be in love with each OTHER during the events of the show, which are VERY DARK as i think we can agree. and yet they managed to get together! and they managed to stick together! and idk, y’all, i’m just so soft for permanent partnerships and people being Married(tm) and this song brings that in SPADES.

important lyrics: “Kiss me once 'cause I know you had a long night Kiss you twice 'cause it's gonna be alright Three times 'cause you waited your whole life”

“I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings Uh huh, that's right Darling, you're the one I want, and I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this“

16. lucky // jason mraz & colbie caillat

this song just SCREAMS domesticity to me and no it’s absolutely NOT because i used a lyric from this song to title my collection of domestic fsk ficlets, i have no idea where you would get such a ridiculous idea. they are all BEST FRIENDS okay and they’re in LOVE and they come HOME TO EACH OTHER at the end of the day. they genuinely like spending time together. god, this song is so cute, i love it so much.

important lyrics: “I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend Lucky to have been where I have been Lucky to be coming home again Lucky we're in love in every way Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed Lucky to be coming home someday”

17. wonderwall // zella day

before you tell me i’m being stupidly cliche, look at the artist. and then realize that the artist doesn’t make a different for how cliche i’m being. first off, this is such a wlw song (google that one car commercial if you don’t believe me) and skimmons is kind of. my peak wlw song. but also this song is so lovely because it’s about people persevering through challenges to be together, even their own feelings, and that’s VERY good and VERY fsk. i’m just very gay, alright? leave me alone.

important lyrics: “And all the roads we have to walk are winding And all the lights that lead us there are blinding There are many things that I would like to say to you But I don't know how Because maybe You're gonna be the one that saves me And after all You're my wonderwall”

18. team // noah cyrus

this song is from @bobbimorseisbisexual’s fsk playlist (thanks al i love you) and it’s VERY GOOD for this ship. god, i have so many emotions about them being on the same team (which is part of why it’s so FRUSTRATING when the show tries to split them up-). especially because trust is such a big aspect of their relationship? look, these are three people who have been betrayed a lot, even by each other. it’s so IMPORTANT that they trust each other to be on the same team!! (also this song is one of the only songs i’ve ever heard that’s apparently singing to both a man and a woman, and i’m gonna ignore the fact that it’s a duet. let me have my poly songs.)

important lyrics: “Whenever you're winning I'll give you strength, boy And I'll share your name, girl 'Cause I'll always be on your, I'll always be on your team Yeah, I'll always be on your team”

19. i melt with you // modern english

this song is sponsored by @florchis, who not only was the person that first told me about this song but also named her entire fsk collection after one of the lyrics. she has very good taste. first off i love how high-energy and happy this song is. declaring your love for someone is a VERY fun thing to do in the best of circumstances! and i just love the idea of them taking time for each other in the middle of all of their shield business. i love them so much, y’all.

important lyrics: “Moving forward using all my breath Making love to you was never second best I saw the world crashing all around your face (let me hear you) Never really knowing it was always mesh and lace (c'mon)”

“I'll stop the world and melt with you You've seen the difference And it's getting better all the time There's nothing you and I won't do”

20. cornelia street // taylor swift

YES, i know this is the FOURTH tswift song on this list. she’s really good at songwriting, okay? also... y’all.. the VULNERABILITY. the LONGING. the idea of having to deal with the very real fear of loss fits VERY well for a ship where everyone involved is in mortal danger three times a week. also, the idea of never being able to separate the memories of a place from the people? that’s peak fsk. i know i keep saying this but they’re all HUGELY INFLUENTIAL on each other and it’s a BIG DEAL!! they’re never going to get over this relationship, this love, and I’m Never Going To Get Over Them.

important lyrics: “And I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends I'd never walk Cornelia Street again That's the kind of heartbreak time could never mend I'd never walk Cornelia Street again”

21. coroner’s report // molly ofgeography (aka @ofgeography)

first off, everyone should listen to this ENTIRE ALBUM because it’s VERY GOOD. secondly, i know this song is really sad but imagine this as steeling yourself for the series finale. canonverse fsk hurts SO MUCH, y’all, and i love them so much. the metaphor in this song is *chef’s kiss* and the guilt of losing love is.... yeah. i’m sad. please be sad with me.

important lyrics: “How do you bury love, and what gets carved into the stone? If I had waited by the window would love be safe and back at home?”

“We held hands in the procession, black and veiled and strange You said, ‘love was good when love was here,’ it didn't ease the ache“

22. two // sleeping at last

okay i definitely think that part of this is me being an extreme 2 and therefore considering this song the Peak of Romance. which is probably a little unhealthy but leave me alone. i don’t know enough about enneagram types to diagnose any of the ot3, but definitely this song resembles all of them to some extent, especially daisy. (i am in pain.) this song, to me, feels like daisy pining for fs in canonverse. (i am in PAIN.) she would ABSOLUTELY give parts of herself up for them and count on the fact that they wouldn’t notice. god, this hurts so much. i love this song so much. if it helps, i think in a happier universe they all also sacrifice parts of themselves for the others? which hurts too but in a good way.

important lyrics: “Tell me, is something wrong? If something's wrong, you can count on me You know I'll take my heart clean apart if it helps yours beat”

“I just want to build you up, build you up 'Til you're good as new And maybe one day I will get around to fixing myself too“

23. fair // the amazing devil

this song is CRIMINALLY unknown. GO LISTEN TO IT RIGHT NOW AND THEN MEET ME BACK HERE. this song just screams fsk at me. the humor, the depths of love, the good-natured resentment, the depths of love... god. it’s so good. i definitely think the strength of their emotions for each other overwhelm them sometimes. i think they find comfort with each other, i think they tease each other, i think they’re disgustingly in love all the time. god.

important lyrics: “She promises to fight them all when it all becomes too much And he, he curses at the world for Leaving him behind and he's falling out of touch And she is stronger than he's ever been he knows And she brushes her hand through His hair, he's got so much fucking hair”

“And he holds her close just to keep the world at bay And when they're sure no-one can hear them She'll turn to him to say, she'll turn to him and say It's not fair, It's not fair how much I love you“

(yes i DID copy more than i’ve been copying for the rest, because the songwriting in this song and album are PHENOMENAL and YES i will harass y’all until you listen to it because LOOK AT HOW GOOD IT IS.)

24. arms unfolding // dodie

i know, i know, this is a really short song. but it’s really pretty and i think it fits daisy, like, extremely well. think about daisy during early s4, specifically. she loves them enough to break down her walls. that’s what this song is about. and that’s what i’m gonna go cry over now. god this post is so long what the heck.

important lyrics: “Hope I'm not tired of rebuilding 'Cause this might take a little more I think I'd like to try Look at you And feel the way I did before”

“You know I could live without or with you But I might like having you about“

25. making love out of nothing at all // air supply

okay, so i admit it, i’m actually a HUGE fan of really cheesy 80s music. but i really love this song for them? especially jemma. i think it fits jemma really well. first off, it’s that good old vulnerability with admitting that she doesn’t know everything! and it’s admitting that she specifically doesn’t know what she’s doing with this relationship! and admitting how much she loves both of them even though she might not have wanted to! and i think she’s just... so amazed, so so amazed at the way that fitz and daisy are able to forgive and be loving even when they’re in the worst situations? which is definitely a big message of this song. (oh jemma, i love you and your violent tenancies. i see al’s valid criticisms and i am Loving You Anyway.)

important lyrics: “I know all the rules and then I know how to break 'em And I always know the name of the game But I don't know how to leave you And I'll never let you fall”

“And I don't know how you do it Making love out of nothing at all”

jesus CHRIST this got long. i actually also had a bunch more songs that i didn’t have a LOT to say about but i thought they fit anyways, so uh, honorable mentions:

can’t help falling in love // elvis presley (”wise men say only fools rush in / but i can’t help falling in love with you”)

the longest time // billy joel (they’ve influenced each other)

after all // peter cetera & cher (they’re never going to be able to forget the influence they have on each other)

leave a tender moment alone // billy joel (daisy pov for skimmons. that is all)

she // dodie (i am Soft and Gay and skimmons is also Soft and Gay)

bremen // pigpen theatre co. (honestly idk what to say here, it’s just The Vibe)

say something // a great big world (similar vibe to ordinary people)

saturn // sleeping at last (Science and also Influence On Each Other)

celeste // ezra vine (thanks to al for this one too, i REALLY want to write a fic about them and this song at some point)

 you’re the inspiration // chicago (i just love the sound of this song. also i think all of them - but jemma especially - are inspired by the others to be better)

[royalcordelia]

Summary:  Anne and Gilbert embark on their journeys, but stay close to each other at heart. Courting across 1000 miles isn't easy, but they're more than willing to step up to the task. (A post s3 story).

Notes: Lots of stuff happening and lots of kissing as Anne and Gilbert’s time together comes to a close. Enjoy!

All those months ago, Gilbert hadn’t been lying when he’d told Bash that Winnie was easy to be around, but being around her parents had been an entirely different story. With perfect vividness, he remembered nights after dinners with the Roses that he’d trudged back to Avonlea, more tired than he’d ever been in his life. None of the studying in the world, not even the endless weeks of Delly crying in the middle of the night, could compare to the exhaustion of entertaining people socially higher than you and not crumbling under their expectations. 

But tonight, ascending the marble steps of the Meryton Hotel with Anne on his arm, Gilbert realized that would be exactly what she’d be facing tonight. People would ask her about her country upbringing (“You’re surprisingly elegant for an islander” ) and her family (“ It’s most peculiar to have two last names, Miss Shirley-Cuthbert”).  He knew because he’d spent his first months answering uncomfortable questions of his own. The only difference was that Anne wouldn’t be doing it for herself, but for him. 

He stopped mid-step on the grand staircase. 

It wasn’t too late to turn around and go home. Or to a concert, a nice one where the seats were made of velvet and they’d be able to feel the orchestra’s music inside their chests. Somewhere they could enjoy each other’s company, somewhere they wouldn’t have to be put on display. 

If he was being entirely honest with himself, as oftentimes he wasn’t, maybe he was a bit more nervous for himself. Of course, people would like Anne - lately she had developed a mastery of first impressions. Her own confidence and compassion enchanted everyone she met, but somehow Gilbert wasn’t so sure about himself. Sure, in Avonlea, it was easy to believe he was intelligent, a meaningful contributor to society—everyone knew him there. But here where society was so much bigger, so far out of reach, would he measure up?

“Gil?” Anne called quietly. “There’s nothing to be worried about. They’re going to love you.” 

The light within the hotel was so bright that it turned Anne’s eyes bright blue as it flooded out the open doors. She peered up at him with increasing concern the more he stayed frozen staring at him. 

“Do you feel sick?” she continued, uncertain.

Gilbert only lifted her hand to his lips, kissing the back of her palm for a long second before pulling her to keep moving with him. In front of them, Ron and Christine were crossing the threshold into the grand entrance. The younger, much lovelier, of the Stuarts  watched Gilbert with a strange expression on her face that he wasn’t sure how to interpret. When she caught his glance, she spun around and glided faster past Ron.��  

“You’re not usually a man of silence,” Anne commented. 

“Maybe having a creature of such astonishing beauty beside me renders me speechless,” Gilbert replied slyly, causing a pretty rose blush to rise on Anne’s cheeks. 

Anne knew him better than that. “And?” 

“And my thoughts are preoccupied, too,” he admitted. 

“On what?” 

Gilbert turned to her, catching a trace of her sweet perfume. 

“Is this truly a good use of our time together? I barely get to see you anymore.” 

“Gilbert-” 

“Ron and Christine won’t miss us if we disappear. I want to hear more about you, and Queens, and Avonlea. I want to spend our last evening together in your company and not trying to impress a bunch of big-wigs at my school. Let’s go somewhere, let’s have fun!” 

“I’ve already told you about all that, twice , and we have had fun!” Anne replied laughing. “Gilbert, we have our entire lives to go out and explore every inch of the world together. But tonight...tonight is for you to take your next steps toward a bright, magnificent life of helping people.”  

How could he refuse her when her voice was so glorious with hope and pride? Heaving a deep breath to calm his nerves, they made their way into the hotel. 

An awed gasp left Anne’s lips as they took in the brilliance of the party. The ceilings lorded high in the air, supported by corinthian pillars and edged by an ornate marble trim. A small quintet comprised of strings and a grand piano played their opulent songs and the harmonies filled the space high into the flickering chandeliers. 

Gilbert glanced down at Anne, whose grin was the reflection of all the breathless thoughts running through her head. 

“It’s amazing ,” she said simply. They made their way through the crowd of Gilbert’s classmates and distinguished guests, smiling politely at those they passed. 

“I’m glad I get to spend this night with you,” Gilbert commented lowly. “After this, you’ll want to leave me for sunbursts and marble halls.” 

“Don’t be silly, I just want you ,” Anne replied, nudging his side with her elbow. The statement, which had seemed obvious to her, sent a thrill through Gilbert, and instead of encouraging him, was only successful in brightening his eyes with desire. He dove down for a kiss, but she ducked away,  nodding to the gathering of dignified guests congregated in front of them. “Are you ready to forge your connections, Mr. Blythe?” 

Just like that, all the wind was knocked right out of him. Was he ready? Absolutely not. He had to make good impressions and connections. He had to be memorable for the sake of his future, for Anne. He had to. His thoughts were spiraling out of control when a voice interrupted their uncontrollable descent. 

“Ah! Gilbert!” 

The pair turned to find an older gentleman reaching out his hand to Gilbert, another fellow trailing behind him. 

“Dr. Joselin, a pleasure,” Gilbert said politely, catching his professor’s hand and giving it a stiff shake. 

“You country fellows can clean up well, after all,” Dr. Joselin teased, only to be rewarded by a stiff chuckle from Gilbert. “And I see you’ve found yourself a city girl.” Anne nearly pressed her lips together against her correction that To your disappointment, sir, you’ll find that I am completely and utterly nature’s child, and smiled as sweetly as she could. 

“How are you this evening, sir?” she asked.

“Oh, very well, my dear, very well. I just hoped I could steal a moment of Gilbert’s time so that he could share his stance against phrenology with my colleague. He’s trying to get a full opinion, you see.”

“Of course,” Gilbert agreed evenly. 

“I’ll go get us something to drink,” Anne cut in. 

There was something very unlike Gilbert in the way that he walked away, stiff and uncomfortable. She watched him for a few moments before turning over her shoulder to find a waiter. When she returned, two crystal glasses in hand, she found him alone and a bit gray. 

“How was it?” Anne asked, handing him his share of the wine. The dejected man in front of her sighed. 

“I must’ve said something he disagreed with. He interrupted me right in the middle of me telling him about phrenology’s recognition as a pseudoscience, and made a comment about finding engagement somewhere else,” he murmured, almost as if he were afraid someone around him might hear. “Dr. Joselin looked so embarrassed.” 

“Oh, darling, I’m sure it wasn’t you. He seemed like an odd sort of man.” Anne ran her hand down his arm comfortingly, but her touch did little to soothe his troubled eyes. “Better you know so you don’t waste your time on him.” Just then, she caught sight of a familiar face across the room. “Here’s a man I know has good taste!” 

Gilbert followed as Anne lead the way, weaving in and out of people until finally she said, “Dr. Sullivan!” 

The tall man was amongst his peers, though they were standing silently, taking in the splendor of the party. Upon hearing his name, Dr. Sullivan lifted an amused brow with a small smile to match. 

“Ah, come to finally convince me to invest in more suitable literature, Miss Shirley-Cuthbert?” Dr. Sullivan said lightly. 

“Not quite. I was hoping to introduce you to my beau so you could help him invest in suitable literature.” 

Dr. Sullivan spared a glance at Gilbert, waiting for the young man to speak up, but was met with silence. Anne squeezed his arm and glanced at him. The message took a second too longer to register, and when it did, Gilbert was stammering, “Oh! Uh, Gilbert Blythe, sir.” 

The lines of Gilbert’s shoulders were straight and tense. He shoved a stiff hand out, somewhat ungracefully, and gave Dr. Sullivan a brisk handshake. Sullivan’s colleagues exchanged a look that Anne hoped escaped Gilbert’s notice. 

“How are you finding your studies, Mr. Blythe? It must be hard to be so far away from home,” Sullivan asked. 

“My studies are going well,” Gilbert answered. Anne’s brows furrowed at his vapid, flat tone. “I’m fortunate enough not to suffer any homesickness. I’m solely focused on my coursework, and only that.” 

“You have no diversions for pleasure outside of school?” Dr. Sullivan wondered. 

“None whatsoever,” Gilbert replied almost too quickly. From where Anne was standing, she could feel the situation slowly spiralling out of control. 

“I hear you’re a medical student. What special topics capture your attention, then?” 

Anne smiled in pride, knowing that Gilbert had such an interesting answer to this question. She had letters full of his thoughts about upcoming vaccines and mind-boggling breakthroughs in pathology. His knowledge was nearly comprehensive, so it was to Anne’s utter dismay when his reply was an almost uninterested, “I like all topics, sir.” 

Dr. Sullivan nodded politely, but his eyes revealed he was unimpressed with what he saw. A man at his side leaned to mutter something in his ear, and he turned back to Anne. 

“It’s about time we find our seats at the table. Good evening, Miss Shirley-Cuthbert.”

And then they were gone, leaving Gilbert staring at the floor with a disheartened dullness in his eyes. Anne’s hand moved over his back, rubbing a warm circle, but he shirked away. 

“Gil, it’s not so bad-” 

“Let’s go home,” Gilbert interrupted. Anne’s face dropped, and he rubbed the heels of his hands over his eyes. “I know you got all dressed up, but I’d rather leave before I make a fool out of myself. Again. Seems to be a trend lately.” 

“If that’s what you want,” was Anne’s dispirited reply. “But I don’t have to be a medical student to diagnose the situation.”

“That I’m in over my head with these people?” 

“ No! Just the opposite!” Anne surged forward, grabbing his hands and squeezing tightly. “The people here are drawn together not because they want to prove they’re the  most driven or because they want to show off how smart they are. They’re here because they’re alike in their passion . You have that passion, too. Right here.” She patted his chest. “But you’re keeping it locked up. You’re putting on a stale, disinterested version of yourself that isn’t real because you think it’ll make them like you more. It’s having the opposite effect, darling.” 

“I thought I was being professional,” he admitted.

“You’ve already got that mastered without trying to fake it. Just be yourself, love, and I promise the night will go better.” 

“I don’t know, Anne…” 

She placed a hand on his cheek, and he kissed it, eyes melancholy.

“Gilbert, you are the most intelligent, brave, refreshing, stimulating, exceptional, impressive-” 

“ Anne. ”

“- amazing person I know, and I am so proud of you.” She poked his nose and took a step back. “I just don’t want you to give up so soon. Give it one more go, and if you really aren’t having a nice time, we’ll go. Alright?”

Gilbert swayed forward, like he wanted to kiss her but thought better of it. Instead, he only gave a small smile and nodded. “Alright.” 

They ambled throughout the room, pausing periodically to greet upperclassmen Gilbert was acquainted with. One after another, each interaction just got better and better. Anne observed it all with a prideful swell in heart, offering a few thoughts of her own here and there, much to Gilbert’s delight. The approval of his peers seemed to stoke up the fire of excitement in his eyes. A short time later, all the pretense that he’d managed to fabricate had dissipated, leaving behind the real genuine Gilbert Blythe in its wake. 

Anne bit back her grin as Gilbert all but strutted across the floor in his newfound confidence. As they drew nearer to Dr. Joselin, Anne tried to steer Gilbert away, not wanting to ruin his improved disposition, but his ears had already twitched to the conversation, and he approached it without hesitation. 

“Dr. Joselin, is this talk of that Montreal trial on aphthous stomatitis? ” he interjected with ease. 

“Ah, Mr. Blythe, just the lad I was hoping to run into.” To Anne’s surprise, this response was not accompanied by any evident insincerity. 

Another one of the students seized Gilbert’s hand, shaking it with vigor. Without a spare look at Anne, the young man grinned eagerly and said, “Gilbert, Dr. Joselin was just sharing your review on that study. Do you really suppose the results could have been invalid?”

“It’s a strong claim, I know, but with such a small population size, the results can hardly be generalized to the Canadian public. Had they interviewed the participants on their eating habits, their sexual behavior, even their home environments, I’d be more inclined to trust the validity of the results. The list of confounds was infinite, yet the clinicians acknowledged none!” The deeper Gilbert dove into dismantling the study, the less Anne comprehended of the conversation. But when it was over, there was a rosy flush of pride lighting underneath his scarce freckles and a delight that Anne hadn’t seen in his eyes the whole night. 

As they walked away, Anne pressed herself onto her toes and leaned toward his ear. He bent it to her as she asked, “What in heaven’s name is aphtho...alphath…”

“ Aphthous stomatitis, ” Gilbert corrected sweetly. “It’s the medical term for a sore on your lip.” 

Anne hummed in understanding. “And would you diagnose me with aphthous stomatitis, Dr. Blythe?” 

His ochre eyes drifted down to her lips. With a shuddering breath, he licked his own before he could stop himself. 

“No, I think your diagnosis is not sores, but an irresistible sweetness.” To prove his point, he placed a hasty kiss on the corner of her lips. Anne wondered if he could feel the heat emanating off of her cheeks at his coy attentions, and nudged him away playfully. When Gilbert pulled back, his gaze met something across the room that made his jaw tighten. Without preamble, he declared, “I have to apologize to Dr. Sullivan.” 

It was because Anne said “Yes, I believe you must” that Gilbert felt even more sure he had chosen - as she would say - the right lifemate. Anyone else would’ve told him, No, Gilbert, he’s probably already forgotten. But Anne understood what had to be done if he was to remember this night with any sort of satisfaction or pride.

Across the room, Ron was wiggling his eyebrows at her, gesturing her over with a short wave of his hand. Anne sighed dramatically. “It appears I’m likely being summoned, likely for discussions of philosophy.” She paused, shaking his fingers in her own, before saying, “I’ll be cheering for you.”

Then she was disappearing into the crowd, the red of her hair blending with the raining candlelight. 

*

Dr. Sullivan sat by himself against the wall like a moth who has shunned its lifelong work of chasing the moon, contrary to his earlier remark that he was departing for the dinner table. His even eyes observed the dance floor with a light interest, but the content of his thoughts was miles away. It was only when two shiny shoes appeared in his view just before him that he lifted his head up and met eyes with Gilbert. The boy’s shoulders were looser and the stern stiffness of his brow was missing.  Dr. Sullivan did not have to be a PhD to surmise the cause of the change. 

“Rejoined the world of the living?” the older man asked casually. Gilbert laughed on a somewhat embittered scoff, and settled into the seat next to the broad shouldered professor. “No doubt you have your young lady to thank.” 

“No doubt I do. She sees everything with her own eyes, and no one else’s. I admire her unique perspective of the world, and am thankful when it helps me see things differently.” Sullivan made a sound of agreement in the back of his throat. Clenching his fists to ground his thoughts, Gilbert continued. “I don’t pretend to be as fetching or as interesting as Anne, but I’m not the tasteless person you saw earlier who completely lacked a backbone.”

“I’m aware,”  Dr. Sullivan admitted. “That is the test of events like these. Do you come merely assimilate and try to mirror what you think you’re observing around you? Or do you rise to the occasion and add yourself into the discord without compromising your own integrity? It’s sink or swim, Mr. Blythe, yet I think you’re doing just fine. I knew you must be a fine student as soon as Emily Oak said so.” 

“I’m glad you think so, sir.” 

There was a moment passed in silence where Gilbert could not fathom whether or not Dr. Sullivan’s thoughts had moved on, or if he was quietly altering his judgments. He almost jumped when the man finally spoke. 

“Favorite poet, Gilbert?” 

Without hesitation, “Whitman.” 

For the first time that Gilbert had seen, Sullivan’s smile stretched across his entire face and he nodded approvingly. 

“Ah, and there lies the rub. ‘Henceforth, I ask not good fortune, I myself am good fortune .’ Adequate on nights like these, no?” 

At first, Gilbert didn’t know what he meant, but as they settled into a comfortable discussion about the sacrilegious themes in “Song of Myself,” Sullivan’s meaning settled over him. Had he spent the party with a rake up his backside and listlessly trying to engage his peers, he’d have asked for good fortune, yet found no return. I myself am good fortune , Gilbert repeated in his head. What it meant tonight was I am enough. He’d lost sight of it, but now that it was regained, the vastness of the future didn’t seem so daunting. 

Many minutes later, Gilbert skimmed the room for Anne’s red hair or Ron’s lofty head, but the search was fruitless. Not even Christine was anywhere to be found.

“I apologize, sir. I’m supposed to be escorting Anne this evening, yet I’ve done a poor job of it. I should go find her.” 

“Very well,”  agreed Dr. Sullivan. “You should know, Mr. Blythe, that just because I’m an English professor doesn’t mean my office door is closed to medical students. Should you need someone to talk to as you rage through your freshman year, please don’t hesitate to stop by.” 

“I appreciate that, sir. Thank you!” Gilbert replied sincerely. He nodded once, then left Dr. Sullivan to his quiet solitude. Yet, even as he departed, he could still hear the professor’s lyrical thoughts emanating from the corner - “To drive free, to love free, to court destruction with taunts. One brief house of madness and joy!”

*

When Anne snuck a peek over her shoulder at Gilbert and Dr. Sullivan, she found easy smiles on both their faces and a tender bloom of pride blossomed in her chest. The more Anne became acquainted with Gilbert’s heart, the more she could see its warmth emanating around him like a constant crown. Not all the gentlemen in the room could claim having such a vast soul, one that had the capacity to love and learn with such brilliance. Perhaps the almighty had been up to something after all when he tied her to Gilbert. 

She let a lovesick smile dimple her cheeks, when suddenly her hands were seized. Ron was before her squeezing her fingers in his with a mischievous look in his eyes. 

“It’s time,” was all he said. Fred was at his side, a wooden instrument case wrapped under his arm, and he shared Ron’s conspiratorial smile. 

“Time for what?”

“Remember that tradition I was telling you about? The one in the basement?”

“Yes…” Anne replied, interest piqued.

“The festivities are about to begin, and I wanted to know if you’d like to join us.”

“Oh, I couldn’t possibly!” Anne replied immediately.  “I came to support Gilbert, and I know if I say I want to go to this party, he’ll just end up following.” 

“He can come,” Ron added in.

“He’s supposed to be making connections.” She squeezed Ron’s fingers before dropping his hand. “You all go and have fun. I’m having a splendid time where I am. Promise!” 

Ron pursed his lips, his shoulders slumping down in dramatic disappointment.

“As you wish, Miss Shirley-Cuthbert. I’ll come find you before the end of the night so we all can walk home together.” 

When Ron and Fred were gone, Anne scanned the room, wondering if she’d find some long lost friend in the sea of faces and finery. Gilbert was gesturing in circles in front of him, explaining something with a fierce conviction. She wondered if she ought to go and silently impose herself at his side, but hated the idea of interrupting him unnecessarily. Then her eyes fell on Christine. 

Just one look at Christine told Anne that underneath her silken black hair and throat of jewels, Christine was decidedly not having a good time. Her lips were downturned in a bitter frown, and a line crinkled between her brows. There were a few fellows beside her who seemed to be rambling on about this or that, nothing which amused Christine. Another young man joined the small circle, and when he lingered a kiss on her knuckles, the color drained from her face. 

Before Anne knew what she was doing, she was marching up to Christine, mind set and hands clasped at her side. 

“Miss Stuart, I’ve been looking for you everywhere!” Anne announced. The taller gentlemen jumped at the intrusion, grumbling when they were forced to back up and make room for her. “There’s something you must see. Come now.” 

“We were talking!” a fellow objected as Anne snuck her arm into Christine’s and tugged her away.

“Excellent understanding of the past tense, sir!” 

Christine was stiff beside her until they were out of sight, upon which she let out a heavy sigh of relief. 

“Some of those gentlemen seemed to think I was on the menu,” she admitted. “I was  relying on Fred to fend them off, but he disappeared.” 

“He ran off with your brother to the party in the basement.” Anne replied.

“He’s supposed to be my escort,” Christine said bitterly. “It’s not like I wanted to come with him in the first place.” 

Gilbert was supposed to take me - Christine didn’t have to say it but Anne still heard it. She wondered if Christine agreed to still attend the event in order to save face, hoping that Gilbert wouldn’t notice the real reason she wanted to stay home. Still, no matter her reasons for coming, it didn’t warrant being abandoned by her escort. 

“Well, we ought to go tell him so,” Anne decided fiercely. 

“Absolutely not.” 

“Okay, maybe not. Fred’s sensitive. But you should still have a good time tonight, regardless of your escort’s presence. How about I take you down to the party? There’s supposed to be music, dancing, drinks. We can get you situated, and then I’ll come back up and find Gilbert.” 

“It’s for the servants. They won’t take kindly to my presence there.” 

Across the room, the gentlemen they’d disposed of seemed to be watching them with hawkish eyes. One brave soul began to trek across the room toward them, dragging a tired groan out of Christine. 

“They won’t even notice you. Don’t you worry,” Anne said hurriedly. She wove their arms back together and rushed down the marble corridor. Christine’s dainty heels clacked against the floor as they hurried, and she nearly fell forward. When Anne reached out and caught her, a sputtered laugh snuck out of Christine’s lips.

“You’re alright?”

“I’ve never run in a gown before!” Christine laughed.

“Neither have I!” Then, remembering the day she’d seen Winifred in Charlottetown corrected, “Okay, I have, but it was only once!”

They followed the harmonics of lively music to a thin doorway leading down to the basement of the hotel. From the top of the stairs, they could hear the roar of laughter, cheering, and chatter. Much to Anne’s surprise, Christine was the first to descend toward it. They came upon a wide room with low ceilings and golden light. It was filled with bright red faces and lined with crates that had been shoved aside to make room for the dancing. 

“My God,” Christine breathed out, though Anne barely heard it over the noise. 

In the front of the room, some of the smaller crates were pushed all together with a large sheet of wood laid on top to form a makeshift stage. Fred was among the musicians fixed on it. He had discarded his jacket on a chair, but was still sweating through his white shirt as his fingers danced over his fiddle at rapid speed. Ron was nearby, stomping his feet to the quick rhythm of the jig. One of his hands was on the knee of the blonde fellow beside him, who returned the touch with an arm around Ron’s shoulder. When he caught sight of his sister and Anne wide-eyed in the corner, Ron shot up to meet them. 

“You brought my sister?” he stammered. 

“Fred left her, what was she supposed to do!?” Anne said, trying her best to be heard over the music and cheering. 

“Think you can handle it, Chris?” Ron answered, uncertain.

“Better than you expect, I think.” 

“And the two of you..?” 

“Have sorted out our differences,” Anne said evenly. She knocked his shoulder with a light tap of her knuckles. “How much longer do you intend to herd us in the doorway?” 

Ron’s brows shot up. 

“Come on in,” he chuckled. Christine nodded primly as she strode past him. She’d only taken a few steps when a short girl with ear length hair burst from the center of dancing bodies and latched hold of Christine’s hand. Christine turned back to Anne, a look of panic on her face. 

“It’s alright! Go dance!” Anne encouraged. It only took one sheepish smile for the girl to spin Christine around, and they disappeared into the crowd. 

“Come Anne, there’s someone I want you to meet,” Ron said lowly. He led her through the only clear path in the room to a raggety table. The man he’d been sitting with before looked up at her through long blonde lashes - easily, without judgment. His features were that of any prince in the Grimm fairy tales, so startlingly beautiful that Anne felt a blush rise to her cheeks. “This is Adam...my uh, well, you know. Adam this is my roommate’s sweetheart from PEI.” 

Adam’s smile was small and relaxed. He shook Anne’s hand with geniality but said nothing. 

“A pleasure to meet you. Ron speaks of you with such esteem,” sputtered Anne. 

A hint of insecurity rose within her the same way it might if she met George Eliot or Jane Austen. Would he think her simple and foolish, a sixteen-year-old girl here to drink and dance with adults? But the kindness in Adam’s eyes suggested otherwise. Finally he said, “Thank you.” But Anne got the impression that he was thanking her for more than just the polite compliment. She smiled in return, contagious and sweet. 

“It’s been so lovely to drop by, but I really did want to save Christine from those awful vultures-for-men. I ought to go find Gilbert. Dinner will be starting soon.” 

“Stay for a song,” Adam suggested. Anne hesitated, finding no help in Ron’s eager face. 

“One song. I won’t leave Gilbert alone upstairs.” 

That was enough to satisfy Ron, who tugged another crate for Anne to sit on. She settled down beside him, and found herself immediately enraptured by the sight before her. The band played fast paced folk tunes that kept the hearts of the dancers racing, but each jig and reel only powered the dancers through each measure with energy. It was a mess of wild hair, rolled up sleeves, rosy cheeks, and somehow, it was one of the most beautiful things Anne had ever seen. Dances like the “Dashing White Sergeant” may have their benefit with the right partner, but this... this was self-expression and freedom. Without knowing it, Anne had begun to sing along to the familiar tune. 

“You sing too?” Ron asked incredulously. The song stopped abruptly in her throat.

“Not really. My best friend back home is the real musician. I just love a good song,” Anne replied sheepishly. 

“Your voice is beautiful,” Adam added. “You should go up and sing something. I know the band was disappointed they couldn’t find a singer for tonight.” 

“I doubt I would know any of their songs!” Anne objected.

“You knew this one.” 

She squirmed in her seat, hoping Gilbert would appear in the door and save her. 

“It’s so kind of you to suggest it, but really—”

It was too late. Ron had taken Anne by the arm and tugged her in front of the stage. 

“This young lady is a singer.” 

The banjo player peered down at Anne with obvious musical interest. 

“Don’t have to tell me twice,” he said. 

Anne spared a desperate glance at Fred, who merely let out a hearty guffaw and helped the banjo player lift her up by her underarms to stand on the stage. Anne stumbled, eyes widening as the dancers watched the scene unfold. 

“It’s alright, Anne. What songs do you know?” Fred muttered in her ear.

“...I’ve been learning Scottish songs. For my heritage. Some Irish ones too. Canadian classics too, I suppose,” she answered quietly. “I really don’t like this, Fred.” 

“Relax. Gilbert says you’re a story-teller.” 

“Well, yes, but—”

Before she could finish, Fred began to string together a melody on the fiddle. The guitar behind her jumped in, strumming a familiar set of chords. Fred lifted a brow at her, an unspoken You know this one? To Anne’s dismay, she nodded and after a moment began to sing.

“‘Oh, rise up my darling and come with me

I want to go with you and leave this country

To leave my father’s dwelling, this house and the land.’

So away goes Jamie with his love in his arms.” 

Anne’s instincts had taken over before she could stop them. Every story she’d told in class, to the bird’s in the trees, every song she had sung to the forest air had prepared her to let loose her inhibitions. This was just another story to tell—a man captured by his love’s father, his love desperately trying to plead his innocence in court, a fate doomed from the start. Anne forgot she was singing and dancing on a stage that was seconds away from falling apart. Rather, she was whisked away with the tale, desperately trying to rescue her “Bold Jamie.” 

“The judge says ‘this young girl being tender in youth

If Jamie is guilty she will tell the truth.’

It was here a familiar face appeared from the stairwell at the back of the room. Gilbert had his hands stuck in his pockets, the way he always did when he wasn’t sure what to do with them. He seemed to search the room for something, before his eyes fell on her, dancing on the stage. Anne laughed as she sang the next lines, a grin turning her face to golden light. He smiled back, shaking his head with surprise.

Then the radiant beauty before him did stand

“‘Oh I'm happy to see you, my bold Irish lad!’”

Anne was only slightly aware of Gilbert finding his way through the crowd to the front of the stage. His eyes were hazy and lovesick as he watched her move and sing and let strands of hair fall from their pins. Occasionally, she’d flash another small smile down at him, and he’d feel it resonate down to the soles of his feet. As Fred played the last notes of the song, Anne fixed her gaze on her love and was thankful the song had only been a story. Her own bold man was here before her, very much not in jail and very much hers to adore. 

Behind her, another upbeat song filled the air. Anne placed her hands on Gilbert’s shoulders, biting her lip at the ease with which he lowered her back to the ground. They were inches apart, Anne’s chest still heaving from her song. 

“I didn’t mean to leave for so long,” Anne apologized lightly. Gilbert shook his head, brushing a strand of hair away from her sticky face. 

“I’m the one that left you alone. You were right, Dr. Sullivan is a kindred spirit, after all.” Their explanations were cut short when a dancing couple all but crashed into them. They scurried to the wall, the only place where no arms or legs could hit them. Out of public eye, Gilbert bent down and pressed a kiss against Anne’s smiling cheek.

“I didn’t know you sang that well,” he admitted. Anne shrugged.

“It certainly was very fun to try! One minute I was telling Christine to go off and have fun, and the next minute I was being lifted on stage.”  

“I wish I could have seen the whole thing.” His hands found hers and he caressed her skin gently. “Are you hungry? They’re starting dinner.”

Anne laughed and looked around the room. 

“After all this, I could use some sustenance. And some quiet time to hear about your conversation with Dr. Sullivan.”  

After a quick nod to Ron, they were heading back upstairs, the sound behind them turning into a mere mumble in the distance. Anne was glad to breathe some fresh air that didn’t smell of sweat and whisky. Beside her, Gilbert had fixed her with a strange expression, one that was nearly smiling, but also deeply distressed.

“What is it, love?” Anne asked.

“I wish you didn’t have to leave tomorrow.” 

“That’s a whole day away. There’s plenty of time to…” 

Her voice trailed off as she caught sight of something several feet ahead of them. Gilbert traced her gaze to another couple pressed up against the floral-papered wall of the hotel. The silhouette of a woman was pressed beneath that of her lover, who held her flush against him. Perhaps the strange thing which had stolen Anne’s breath was the way the man had his face buried at his lady’s pulse point along the hollow of her neck, luxuriating there for a long moment before slowly moving his way along the skin. Gilbert felt his own face burning. He’d seen kissing before, but not quite like that. Judging from Anne’s reaction, neither had she. 

It looked really… nice. Different, but nice. 

As they passed, Anne rushed into a new conversation, desperately trying to avoid his eyes. Is she embarrassed? he wondered. Is she scared I’ll kiss her like that?

Anne on her part was violently trying to keep all thoughts of what she had seen from her head, but found it was difficult to think of anything but that. Her fingers touched her throat, but she tore them away before she could imagine what it would feel like if Gilbert kissed her the way she’d seen. Would he even want to? Her mouth rambled of the strange men she’d fended off from Christine, but Gilbert was smart enough to know her mind was somewhere else. So, for some reason, he said the very first thing that came to his mind. 

“Hey, Anne?” It cut off her thoughts and she snapped her lips shut. 

“Hmm?” 

“I love you.” 

Anne laughed, tugging Gilbert’s arm closer to her chest to nuzzle her head against his shoulder. 

“I’d like to see anyone try to love you as much as I do!” she declared. Anne tried not to think about how this time tomorrow she'd nearly be arrived back home to the Blackmore house. The Sunset House would be a thousand miles away, her soft-hearted man kept safely inside of it, and she would be missing his warmth at her side. For now, she grounded herself in the present moment, ran a finger down his handsome jaw, and tried to prepare herself for what might be the most lavish dinner she’d ever attend.

*

Some time later, their bellies were full of delicious food and the guests of the banquet began to file out. Leaning tiredly onto Gilbert, Anne wondered if this was the first in a very long future of attending events like these. If he became a renowned doctor like he planned to, he’d receive all sorts of invitations to more banquets, conferences, meetings. On one hand, Anne looked forward to it with everything she had in her. On the other hand, Anne was very ready to lay beside her love and get some rest. 

The streets of Toronto at night were mostly lit by shed candlelight from its surrounding streets. Ron was in light spirits as he led the way, a blissful spring in his steps as he hummed “Bold Jamie.” Gilbert had leaned in close to whisper, “He’s a night owl and an alcoholic.” But Anne knew the kiss she’d seen Adam quickly plant on him had something to do with his chipper mood as well. 

She turned her face to the moonlight and felt the crisp night air lay smooth against her cheeks. Oh, if only nights this wonderful were eternal , she thought. No one in the world could be unhappy then. 

They’d long since taken Fred to his boarding house, next planning to bring Christine back home. She was quiet in front of Gilbert and Anne, and had said nothing about her time at the party. When they arrived at the Stuart house, she was the silhouette of Juliette Capulet on a Shakespearean doorstep. Without warning called out, “Actually, Gilbert?” 

Gilbert couldn’t make out Christine’s expression in the darkness. A strangeness had taken over her voice and it was with uncertainty that he replied, “Yes?” 

“Might I speak with you...for a moment? I won’t keep you long.” 

Gilbert’s eyes fell on Anne, who squeezed his hand gently. “I’ll walk slowly with Ron for a bit.” 

He wasn’t able to make it any further up the walkway when Christine began to speak. 

“You’re probably waiting for an apology,” she rushed out. 

“An apology? For what?” Gilbert asked.

“Anne… didn’t tell you?” 

Gilbert stuffed his hands in his pockets at the growing awkwardness radiating off of Christine. Instead of an answer, he shrugged and shook his head. A shadowy cloud crept over the moon, shielding his sight from the embarrassed flush warming Christine’s cheeks. She took a deep breath.

“When you offered to take me to the banquet all those weeks ago, I thought you were doing it because you liked me.” Gilbert’s heart dropped to the pit of his stomach. “And I was really ...elated, I suppose, because, well…I’ve been in love with you since I first met you.” 

“Christine, you don’t have to say it. Or apologize. I must’ve just assumed you knew about Anne. I should be the one apologizing. It’d never be my intention to hurt you,” Gilbert responded truthfully.

“No, you don’t understand. I knew you were courting someone . It just didn’t make a difference until today.”  Christine grabbed the handle of her front door, squeezing until her knuckles were white. “I was so jealous of Anne when I met her. Then this afternoon, I said dreadful things to her, things I’m not brave enough to repeat to you. I insulted her in every way I could.” 

Gilbert’s lips drew thin. 

“Oh.”

“She didn’t let me get away with it, of course,” continued Christine. “But she didn’t despise me for it either. Anyone else would have. Her and I talked. I apologized to her, and now I’m apologizing to you.” 

Silence fell between them as he shifted his weight. 

“If Anne forgave you, I’ll have to too,” he said half-heartedly. What else was there to say? The thought of someone being cruel to Anne on his account made his blood boil, but Anne had already won the battle, it was all over with. Yet he felt an increasing distaste for Christine the longer he stood there, so he gave a small nod. “Goodnight, Chris.” 

Anne was not hard to catch up with. Gilbert found her shortly ahead of the Stuart house, humming along to Ron’s off-key tune and touching any flower heads that grew tall along the pathway. She didn’t startle when he appeared beside her, only let out a blissful sigh.

“I love to smell flowers in the dark," she said. "You get hold of their soul then.”

Gilbert let out a sigh of his own as he wrapped an arm around her and leaned his head onto hers. 

“Why didn’t you say anything?” 

Anne smiled knowingly.

“I didn’t think there was anything to tell. Sometimes we have to just return to our natural roots. Like mountain cats, we had it out bitterly and violently, and once it was over, we were...oh, I don’t know, hunting together?” 

“Hunting together?” Gilbert chuckled.

“I cannot be expected to hold a decent metaphor so late in the evening. But you understand what I mean.” Anne hoped it would be enough for him to drop the topic. It wasn’t. 

“What did she say to you?” 

“What good would it do you if you know?” 

“None, I suppose,” he stated unhappily. “She really didn’t hurt your feelings too badly?” 

“Maybe for a moment. But look here, Gilbert.” She took his hand, kissed it, then lifted it up to twirl around underneath it. “I’m a young lady dreadfully in love, exploring a foregin city with the most handsome man I’ve ever seen by my side. I intend to kiss him very soundly when we settle back home, and expect each kiss will be reciprocated ten-fold! Jealous girls can say what they will, I have won the grand prize!”

“You’ve got it all wrong, Anne. You are the grand prize.” 

Anne of a year ago might’ve crinkled her nose at his boldness, and declared that she was not a prize to be won. But the Anne of today knew that Gilbert didn’t have to be reminded of respect, so she nuzzled herself back into his side and began to hum a new tune. 

When they were home, the tune still lingered in the back of Anne’s mind. She sat on the edge of Gilbert’s bed, scanning her eyes along his bare bookshelf to catalog the few books he did bring with him, and braided her hair. Gilbert himself was combing his wild curls in a mirror, or at least was supposed to be—when Anne looked up at him, she found him watching her in the reflection. 

“What are you thinking about?” she asked quietly.

“Truthfully?” 

“Mhmm.” 

“What we saw in the corridor at the hotel.” 

“Really?” she squeaked. 

For some reason, this sent a thrill of delight down Anne’s spine. Off-handedly she thought that Gilbert’s shoulders looked so strong when they weren’t being swallowed by his jacket. 

“I’ve never seen anyone kiss like that before. It seems too…” 

“Intimate?”

“Maybe.” 

They stared at each other nervously, a budding fire of desire tugging at each of their hearts. Then, without being prompted, Gilbert threw his hands up in surrender. 

“It’s just that, you’re so beautiful, you know?” he exploded. “You’re gorgeous, and sitting there with your neck exposed, and the moon is out, and—”

“The moon?” Anne chuckled, face red. “What’s the moon have to do with it?” 

“It just makes you look—” Gilbert let out an exasperated sigh. “And you have no idea.” 

He was right. Anne barely followed what he was talking about. “Alright, then tell me.” 

Gilbert’s own cheeks were growing hot now. 

“I really would like to kiss you like that someday,” he admitted quietly. Anne bit her tongue against a gasp, trying miserably to hide her own hopeful desperation. 

“Someday?” she questioned timidly. “Why not now?” 

It was Gilbert’s turn to squeak. “Now?” 

Anne nodded. 

Her breath was short as Gilbert nervously set down the comb and crept toward her. Without thinking about it, Anne uncrossed her legs and let her arms fall down at her side. Gilbert’s eyes glistened in the low candlelight— half wrought with confidence, half shaking. He sat on the bed beside her, brushing some loose hair away from her hair. Anne wondered if she’d ever get used to feeling so desired by him, as if she really was the grand prize among women. He leaned forward and Anne’s breath caught in anticipation.

Then, he stopped.

“I have no idea what I’m doing,” he admitted almost bitterly. Anne smiled easily, lifting his chin back up to her face. 

“Then why don’t you start with what you know?” 

With that, she captured his lips, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him flush against her. Gilbert’s hands fell to her side and he let out a soft breath. She was soft in just her nightgown, the way women were, the rigid boning of her corset gone for the day. They kissed like that for a few moments, long enough that every ounce of Gilbert’s self-consciousness fell by the wayside. When he was brave enough, he broke off of her mouth and trailed his lips from her cheek down to the underside of her jaw, and eventually her neck.

It was euphoria to the highest degree. Anne shot an arm out to hold herself up, but when Gilbert sucked gently at her collarbone, the arm went limp and they fell backwards. Anne laid flat against the bed, peering up at Gilbert with adoration. Her braid had fallen beside her face, and the sleeve of her nightgown had crept just barely down her arm. For a split moment, he considered helping her up, but then she smiled at him and all that was left was his utter ruination. He bent back down, done with experimenting. Instead, he intended to kiss all of his love into the pulse point of Anne’s throat so that it would seep into her veins and reach all of her. She didn’t stop him when his lips found the borderline of her collar and chest. 

“You have freckles here too,” he muttered blissfully, tasting her sweet skin and inhaling her perfume. 

Without thinking, Anne clutched the fabric of his shirt and said, “I have freckles everywhere.” 

Gilbert ceased his ministrations, freezing above her. He planted one more kiss to the corner of her lips and laid down at her side. In the silence, he forced himself to think of anything other than all the places Anne could have freckles. Time began to move at real speed again for Anne, who slowly roused to reality. 

“How was that?” she heard him say eventually. Then, sparked with an idea, she propped herself onto her elbow. 

“Would you like to know?”  

His eyes turned wide, and whatever self control he had left evaporated. After he gave a nod of consent, Anne pushed gently on his chest to get him flat on his back. She’d been attuned to every way he’d kissed her, and she replicated it effortlessly. The moment her lips met his skin, he heaved a heavy sigh. His fingers found their way to her hair, and he contemplated undoing his braid and letting her loose auburn locks fall over him. 

“I’ve always liked your chin,” she commented, pressing a kiss to it before moving back to the sensitive part of his collarbone.

“I’ve always liked you ,” he replied breathlessly, desperately. 

“I haven’t always liked you, but I’m warming up to it,” Anne teased. Below her, Gilbert was a moment away from begging for mercy. 

Suddenly, the door swung open and Anne jumped up. Gilbert’s hazy vision made out Ron standing in the doorway, jaw dropped to the floor. He knew they were a sight to behold—messy hair, red cheeks, swollen lips—but he couldn’t find it in him to care. Anne pressed her lips together against a laugh, and helped Gilbert sit up.

“Can we help you?” Gilbert asked, annoyed.

“Gilbert Blythe, you saucy man!” Ron exclaimed, shocked. 

“This from you! You know how many times I’ve heard you sneak girls home like I wouldn’t hear you?”

“That’s me, though. You’re... you! ” 

“Goodnight Ron!” 

“Not so fast there, lover-boy. I came to say goodbye to Anne. I’ll be dead asleep when she leaves for her train.” 

Much to Ron’s delight, Anne jumped out of the bed and gave Ron a tight squeeze. 

“Good luck with Adam,” she whispered. 

Ron shook her around like a rag doll, before letting her free. 

“Come back whenever you’d like. I mean it! This fellow is miserable when he’s homesick.” 

“I will, I will! Thank you for being an excellent host and making a delicious breakfast.” 

“Oh, you’re most welcome. Sorry again about my sister.” Anne shook her head, waving the comment aside. “Well, see you soon, Anne.” 

They were nearly rid of him—at least in Gilbert’s mind—until Ron poked his head through the door one last time.

“Try to maintain some semblance of propriety under my roof, Gilbert.” 

Anne’s laughter followed him until he had shut his own bedroom door behind him. Finally alone, Gilbert turned to Anne and gave her a sad smile.

“We should probably get some sleep. You have a big trip tomorrow,” he said. 

“You hated being kissed that much?” Anne teased, but Gilbert could hear the barest hint of honesty in the question. 

“Quite the opposite. I think any more and I’d be a dead man. Too much happiness is the strongest weapon.” 

Anne chuckled as she crawled underneath the soft blankets. When Gilbert was settled beside her, he leaned over and kissed her cheek one last time. Anne turned to her side toward the window where she looked at the moon making faces down at her. She felt a hand come to her waist, and pulled it all the way across her. That was how she fell asleep, praying that nights could continue forever in the warm embrace of the person she loved most. 

~~~*~~~

I hope you enjoyed! ♥ Thanks for reading!! Below are those individuals who asked to be tagged upon updates. If you’d like to add your name to the list or remove it, please let me know!

@pterparkcr @be-feminine-be-unique @firehaireddeamer @annabel-lee23 @beinmyheart @forcordelia @ladyofhousewaters @brookie-cookie3 @peculiarly-deactivated @mrs-shirley-cuthbert-blythe @lexfangirls @amoraeternusforyou @pastaismysignificantother @spellsandbells @instantknightartisanwagon @noctislightning @lonelyscreaming @lbhmoon @findurhappy @mynameisbluenotjane @sarahisatotalgeek @takemetoavonlea @shrillrule @doodlesfan @noctislightning @awaeforlife @neomikaha @cresmix @miacherries

[gillianaunofficial]

Forbidden Fruit Part 2 as requested by @pale-shadow-of-a-dragon

AO3

Rating: E for evidently you don’t just want to fuck Jean

And This Curve, Is Your Smile And This Cross, Is Your Heart And This Line, Is Your Path

It’s last period. Friday, the only half day you get, leading into a weekend of dreaming about her, as you sit alone in your flat marking tests. You watch as the students trail off from doing the work but you barely intervene asides from a brief ramble about productivity before your mind trails off thinking about Jean again. God. One moment you hated her and now you’re absolutely obsessed. Pull yourself together, you think as you watch the minutes hand tick closer to 12:30. 10 more minutes and you’ll be free. You need to speak to her, to tell her what you’re feeling. That you want more. Maybe she’ll want more as well. Almost in an instant it’s the end of the period and the bell rings, dismissing the students. You say a short goodbye and wait for them all to leave the classroom before switching off your computer and making your way to Jean’s office. You knock on the door, your heart drumming out a staccato beat.

“It’s the end of the day, you’ll need to come back next week.” Jean says, then you enter the room and she looks up as she’s packing a notebook into her handbag.

“Y/N.” She says.

“Hello, Jean.” You reply and lean against the empty filing cabinet next to the doorway. There’s an aura of tension radiating between the two of you.

“I was wondering if you’d come back.” She said, zipping her bag up and sitting on her desk, her legs not quite long enough to touch the floor, even in the wedges you’d noticed she loves so much.

“I was hoping you’d like to…” You trail off, a little embarrassed under Jean’s scrutiny to say what you’d been wanting to ask for the last few days.

“What? Go out for food? Go to the cinema? Go shopping? No I wouldn’t.” Jean’s defences had pulled up, she was used to people coming back to her with these demands that she refused to meet. You stare at her, your mouth slightly open as you try to find your words.

“No, nothing of the sort, actually.” You say, your words disconnected and stuttered.

“Then what?” She says, softer this time, fiddling with the cuff of her orange jumpsuit.

“If you wanted to fuck again?” You’re on edge as she looks at you. She stares but then suddenly bursts out laughing. You laugh nervously with her.

“Oh, Y/N, I’m sorry, I had the wrong idea.” She says, pulling herself together. “We can do that.” You smile, a weight being lifted off your chest.

“Okay.” You reply, unsure what exactly to say.

“We can go to my house, my son shouldn’t be there, he said he was going out with some friends after school.” Jean says, picking up her coat from the back of her chair and putting it on, you stand there, suddenly mortified at the thought of going back to Jean’s house.

“Are you sure?” You ask and she nods.

It only took a single nod for your willpower to break and then you’re sitting in the passenger seat of her blue Mercedes, music quietly playing from the radio as she drives, little conversation between the two of you. You’re nervous, despite having literally fucked her in front of another teacher, albeit from somewhere he couldn’t see, but now you’re in this woman’s car. This woman you couldn’t stop thinking about is driving you to her house to have sex with her. You look at her, her intent stare as she watches the traffic lights. She looks at you and smiles, you’ve made the right decision. You would have gone insane with want if you hadn’t done this.

Her house is large and homely. It wasn’t at all what you’d expected, looking at Jean you’d have thought that she’d own something modern and neat but it’s neither of those things. A sofa sits in front of a coffee table and a TV is surrounded by DVD boxes, there are shelves brimming with books and bowls filled with fruit. It reminds you of the house you’d dreamt of as a child. She asks if you’d like a drink and you shake your head before she practically pulls you upstairs and into her bedroom which is just as homely as the rest of the house. She pushes you down onto the bed, her tongue teasing your lips before kissing you, her legs straddle yours and a hand pushes down on your chest. You kiss before she gets up and quickly discards her jumpsuit to reveal that she wasn’t wearing a bra. She leans over you again, undressing you, her mouth on your lips and on your neck, you moan as she sucks your pulse point, leaving what will probably evolve into a hickey. God, she’s absolutely gorgeous. She gives you some freedom and you begin to kiss her before forcing her into the bed and working her nipples with your tongue, touching the soft puckered skin of her areolas. Her hands hold you by the waist and begin to sneak down to feel the curve of your ass, it’s your turn to moan as she touches you, squeezing the soft skin.

“Is this okay?” She says, taking her lips from your skin.

“Yes.” You reply as a wave of arousal rushes over you. “Touch me.” You beg, from over her, making direct contact with the shining blue of her eyes. She gets out from under you and makes it so she’s sitting in between your legs, you’re still wearing both your bra and pants. She quickly makes sure that isn’t a reality anymore. Jean’s lips travel from your sternum down to your hip bones, leaving long wet kisses. She slips a hand in between your soaked thighs, feeling your need.

“You’re so wet.” She says, and your mouth practically waters at those words as she begins to touch you, circling your clit as you arch against her hand. You clench the sheets as she slides between your folds.

“Faster.” You say and she goes faster, the muscles of your thighs tense and she’s bringing you to orgasm even quicker than you could with your own hand. You look up at her, her hair only slightly dishevelled, you reach out for her, tangling your hand through her choppy hair, wanting to see her as needy as you are for her. You kiss her hard, teeth almost clashing against each other. Your hand is cupping her cheek, the delicate lines that run across her skin a Braille pattern of her emotions.

“Fuck.” She moans into your lips as your leg bends and your thigh is in between her thighs and she sheds her pants, riding your thigh, getting her glorious wetness all over you. You kiss her and feel her ass before slowly removing your leg from between her thighs. She raises an eyebrow but you quickly replace the limb with your hand, touching her in all the right places. You find her hole and a finger goes in, pushing hurriedly before adding another, and letting her grind against you as you thrust into her. You grab her wrist with your other hand has her hand tries to join yours. Normally she wouldn’t accept this but for once she does, letting you do whatever you like to her. Her face contorts in ecstasy and she begins to moan as you add a third finger to her pussy, it only takes a few more thrusts until she’s coming and she’s all over your hand. You collapse together on the bed, laced in each other’s nakedness. Her chest heaves as she takes short breaths, coming down from her orgasm. You’ve never seen anyone’s afterglow look quite so gorgeous as she does right now. Your fingers end up near her mouth and she sucks the taste of herself from your damp hands before kissing you, her hand finding your hip. It’s so strangely intimate and like nothing you’ve ever felt before. She begins to touch you again but before she can properly start you have a request.

You’re in between her legs and she’s in between yours and you’re eating each other out, tasting the slick, salty taste. Jean has almost never felt so good and neither have you. Her tongue slides from your clit to your opening, brushing your labia, sucking you and tasting you. And god it feels amazing. You moan into her pussy as she presses against your face. You’ve synced rhythms and work together effortlessly, easily bringing each other to peak again.

“Oh, fucking god.” Jean moans into you and it’s the best sound you’ve ever heard. She comes hard and fast, and you do too, her tongue so talented in the act of sex. You shouldn’t be surprised but you are. You’re both exhausted and lie on the bed, naked and too hot to lie under her patterned covers. A sheen of sweat makes both of you glow and you find her hand. You expect her to pull away but she doesn’t. She just looks at you, a somewhat bittersweet smile hanging on her lips. She doesn’t speak and you don’t ask. You just lie there until Jean says she has a client in half an hour and so it’d be best if you left. As you dress, she lies there watching you, still naked and there’s a feeling of vulnerability that you would never have felt coming from her if you didn’t have this single moment. She looks at you as you leave, a dissatisfaction of a sort. As you walk downstairs you see a blank post it note and an idea strikes you. You write your phone number down, and your name. You leave her with the decision. An infinite series of possibilities.

[matronaa]

The Habits of My Heart || jjk

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Word count: 4,015 (holy fucc this is my longest one yet lmao)

Genre: Fluff, Angst ig idk, mention of smut? idk man dont ask me

A/N: This is kind of a vent post ?? I mean some of this is a real scenario and some isnt but like i needed to get some shit off my chest and this helped also this took so long and 4000 WORDS WAT i can normally barely get to 1.5k pls be proud okie bye

You had pushed the past memories into the back of your head, until now. Your years of high school flooded your mind once again when you saw him walk through the door. You knew it was a bad idea when you signed up for the music and band department at your university, but you had gotten rid of the constant anxiety after your first year ended. It was halfway through your second year, and you already regretted letting your best friend, Yoongi, sign you up again.

   Through high school, you had avoided all music or instrumental courses to avoid a classmate of yours. Although you were never really friends, you had known him since middle school. Even though you used to talk, you completely hated him. You watched him turn into a complete fuckboy while going to school together, and despite knowing his ways, you still fell for him. It was something about his comforting and easy going demeanor that had you wrapped around his finger. Although you were almost completely sure you were in love with the boy, you refused to admit it. He could get any girl, and he knew it. He could barely go a month before he was in some girls pants, and there were hardly any girls that denied him. You were surprised he hadn’t gotten anyone pregnant. Though his player tendencies were always apparent, you still cared for him. Of course you didn’t want to, but it wasn’t under your control. He had subconsciously taken over your physical, emotional, and mental being. You slowly became more aware that your crush on him had escalated into something unhealthy. You were positive he knew you liked him, and him being who he was used this to play around with you. He would lead you on to believe he liked you, only to get a girlfriend and basically make out with her right in front of you. He did this numerous times, also sprinkling in times he was mad or ignored you for no reason. This sent you down a spiral depression, but at the end of the day he was always the last thing you thought of at night. You hated how you let him affect you, and you continued to blame yourself every day for the pain you went through. Even after high school, his name rang in your ears every time you saw something that reminded you of him. Jeon Jungkook. The boy who almost ruined music for you. Not necessarily listening to it, but you stopped loving it in the way you once did.

At your high school they offered rock band or singing classes in your music department, for teenagers who wanted to pursue a career or hobby in music. These two classes would collaborate to perform a battle of the bands every year. In your freshman year of high school, you signed up for the singing classes, where you learned how to perform and how to make or produce your own music. You had loved to sing and fell in love with the class. You were always in chorus or choir classes since elementary school, so you were amazed at the opportunity to not only sing whatever songs you want but to also write your own. You remembered when they announced the official battle of the bands' date, your friends basically attacked and forced you to sing for their band. You had agreed, wanting an excuse to hang out with them more, but you later regretted your decision. You soon found out Jeon Jungkook was the drummer for their band. It was so awkward at first, but you soon became friends. You had promised yourself you wouldn’t fall back into the loop you were in the years before, but you couldn’t ignore how much you loved the sound of his laugh, or how beautiful his smile was when directed at you. You found yourself prioritizing his happiness over yours, and you gave your heart what it wanted. Even after the battle of the bands, (which your band won) he continued to work with you when you wrote your own music. He seemed to love influencing the way you made music, often giving you advice on the audio. You sought after his approval, and although you had thought he changed, he returned to his old self. This continued on until you were both juniors. One late night you received a text from Jungkook right before you were going to go to sleep. You almost choked when you read his text.

1:07 am

I really like you, I hope you know that <3.

You didn’t believe him, and he spent almost 2 hours convincing you he did. He asked you out on a date that Friday, which you agreed to. The date was soon canceled to what you found the next day.

   Mother nature had decided to pay a surprise visit, so you quickly rushed to the nearest bathroom to your class. You ran into the bathroom, hand already reaching into your purse to make sure you had a pad when you saw it. Jeon Jungkook, balls deep into your best friend. You gasped and locked eyes with Jungkook, then you looked at your friend.

   “Don’t you ever fucking talk to me again. Either of you.” Was the last sentence you said before running out of the bathroom, down the hall, and into another to call your older sister to pick you up early.

   Your depression was horrible, worse than ever. You sister talked you out of suicide multiple times, and you ended up staying home for a month before your parents signed you up to complete high school online. For the first few weeks you were gone, you continuously got texts from both Jungkook and your ex-best friend. After the second week, she had given up, but Jungkook continued to text and call. He did this until you finally answered and told him to fuck off. After that you never heard from them again. You thought you finally found people you could trust, people to make you happy. You were wrong, and they betrayed you and left like everyone before.

   Although you stayed home often, you did make friends online. You met your best friend Yoongi in one of the live streamed classes you had to watch. When the professor asked a question for us to answer, Yoongi would always answer correctly, but not without a snarky remark. You couldn’t help but privately message him, and you both instantly clicked. You exchanged social media and soon numbers. You were inseparable, and you wouldn’t have it any other way. While getting to know him, you realized you had a lot in common. You both had depression and anxiety, and that influenced your taste in music and writing. When you graduated, you flew the hour flight to his town and finally met. He told you about the university he was going to attend, and about their music program. Although you were against it at first, he convinced you to send in an application. When you received the acceptance letter, you rented an apartment with Yoongi against your parents wishes. Although they were very supportive, they didn’t think moving in with someone you only knew for a year, let alone a boy, was a good idea. As much as they believed this, you knew the friendship you had with Yoongi was strictly platonic.

   Your first year at the university was amazing. You made friends quickly, and you were never very stressed. All of your classes were fairly easy, as you were going for a degree in arts, so you had lots of free time. You and Yoongi often wrote songs together, him accompanying you on the piano or keyboard while you sang vocals. You were finally able to write out your anger for the boy who made school a living hell, and you never felt happier. That is until today.

   You and Yoongi were sitting on the couch in the band room, your head in his lap as you both scrolled through social media. You heard a familiar voice from across the room, but you decided to ignore it as you watched a funny video on Instagram. You heard a laugh filled the room that made your heart drop. His laugh. You sat up and looked around the room, almost immediately locking eyes with him. Jungkook, the one you had successfully avoided until now. He flashed a small smile at you and waved shyly. He was wearing a red hoodie and black ripped jeans. You laid back down on Yoongi, ignoring him, and proceeded to spam your best friends messages.

   “Y/N why are you texting me, you’re right next to me-” He began before you forcefully jammed your elbow in his stomach.

   “Shut up and just text me,” you demanded.

You sat up and started to smack Yoongi, repeatedly saying how this wasn’t a joking matter as he continued to die laughing.

   “Look, I’m hungry and I need an excuse to leave or else I’m going to die. Come with me and I’ll buy you lunch.” You said quietly. Yoongi gave in and stood up, and you followed him out of the band room.

   Of course not before you and Jungkook locked eyes once again. You and Yoongi walked across the campus to the nearby McDonald’s, where you began to regret buying him food because he ordered some of the most expensive meals. How does a McDonald's order come to this much, you thought as you could almost hear your wallet crying out for help. You walked back towards campus while stuffing your face with fries and scrolling through Twitter. You didn’t normally get McDonald's because it was unhealthy, but you allowed yourself to indulge in their warm fries and delicious apple pies every once and awhile. You were about to show Yoongi something funny when he nudged you with your elbow. You looked up and saw Jungkook walking this way.

   Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

   “Hey Y/N! I haven’t seen you in so long!” He said, flashing his signature smile. Your heart dropped hearing his voice say your name once again.

   “Hey Jungkook, how have you been.” You smiled as best as you could, trying not to show how nervous you were.

   “Pretty good, just moved here so I’m still getting used to the place. How have you been?” You hated how he kept eye contact with you, it was one of those things that gave you a bunch of unnecessary butterflies.

“I’ve been good. Oh, and this is my friend Yoongi.” You said introducing him, needing a topic so there wouldn’t be any awkward silence.

“Hey man, nice to meet you.” Jungkook and Yoongi shook hands and you prayed for Jungkook to say-

“So I have to go to my last class for the day, but I’ll see you around,” Jungkook said.

“Alright, see you!” Yes! You were so happy he actually had to be somewhere. You and Yoongi waved goodbye as Jungkook began to walk in the opposite direction. You turned back to start walking to the band room when you nearly collapsed because of the bottled up nerves.

You felt bad after you forced Yoongi to listen to your 2-hour rant on how you never wanted to see Jungkook again and that the universe hated you, but he was your best friend and signed up for this when he signed the lease to your apartment. A few weeks past and your music class began to get less awkward than in the beginning. There was no point to try and ignore Jungkook because he was the type to never get the hint. You could ignore him for weeks and he’d still try and talk to you.

You walk into class one day with Yoongi to see a new assignment on the board. The teacher immediately lost his title of favorite teacher as you read the details. “You have 4 weeks to form a group, write and produce a song, and make it performance ready. Today will mark day one, form a group and plan out the most effective strategy to complete this task.” You started telling yourself in your head that it would be fine, and that Jungkook probably had his own band already with his set of friends. You began forming your group with Yoongi on the keyboard, your friend Jennie on guitar, and your other friend Lisa helping you with vocals. You realized you needed a drummer and you mentally cursed yourself. You walked over to one of your friends, Min Hyuk and asked him if he could join your band. You weren’t very close, but you talked often since you had a lot of classes with him the year before.

“Sorry, I’m already in someone's band. I think Jungkook is free though.” He smiled softly, completely unaware of your predicament.

“It's fine, thank you though.” You walked back to Yoongi after saying your goodbye, silently freaking out.

“Yoongi we’re fucked.”

“No, we aren’t” He chuckled.

“The only drummer left is Jungkook which I am not okay with.” You whispered to him.

“Ask him to be in the band, or I will.” He said sternly.

“Fine.” You whined as you walked across the room to where Jungkook was sitting, his focus down at his phone. “Jungkook.”

“O-oh hey Y/N, you scared me.” He jumped as he noticed your figure standing next to him. You watched him pull his earbuds out of his ear and you realized he didn’t hear you when you called his name.

“Hey, I wanted to ask if you wanted to join my group, we need a drummer.” You asked shyly, still unable to look him in the eye for too long.

“Yeah sure, of course.” He said as he stood up, smiling down at you. You both walked back to the group.

“I found a drummer!” You said, glaring at Yoongi. Lisa and Jennie introduce themselves to Jungkook and you all begin to work on a plan to complete the assignment. You decided that you would meet every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday to work on the song but for now to just think of what to write the song about.

Due to popular demand and the ease, you decided to write a song about heartbreak. You were all sitting in you and Yoongi’s living room floor, sharing past stories that could relate to the topic in hopes of coming up with at least the chorus. You had slightly zoned out after Lisa’s story, as you didn’t want to bring up details from your own memories. Sadly, it was soon your turn to share your experience.

“Yah, Y/n, share your story!” Jennie said excitedly, flashing her adorable grin.

“Um.. well..” God, you hated being put on the spot. It gave you so much anxiety. “I just fell in love with someone I thought cared about me. But obviously, he didn’t.” You ended with a nervous chuckle.

“Give us details~ I want to hear the whole story.” Yoongi dragged on, earning a glare from you. Yoongi obviously already knew the entire story, and basically lived it through your past late night mental breakdowns.

“Well…. I knew him for a while,” You started as you brought your knees up to your chest, wrapping your arms around them. You placed your chin on your arms and stared at the floor in front of you as you continued, “He was a playboy, and knew very well he could get any girl. I promised myself I wouldn’t fall for him of course, but I did. And he knew that.” You glanced up at Jungkook and immediately began to drown in his soft brown eyes. However, this time you saw something different in them. A hint of sadness, regret even. Although you didn’t mean for him to know you were talking about him, of course he could tell. “I wouldn’t say he used that against me, but I felt used almost constantly. But I looked past that because we were young and stupid, and I knew he was a good person. In the end, he lied to me and pretended to like me, just to fuck my best friend.”

You watched Jungkook slightly cringe at the last sentence. You almost let yourself feel bad for being so harsh and blunt, but it was his own fault. He’s the one who made the mistakes, the only mistake you made was falling for him.

“That's fucked up…” Lisa said, her eyes filled with sympathy. Almost immediately brightened right back up as she turned to the only person who hadn’t told a story. “What about you Jungkook? Have you ever had your heart broken?” It was obvious she had a crush on him, but she hadn’t admitted it yet and you decided not to ask.

“Hah, usually I’m the heartbreaker,” He winked, “No, seriously though? I have.”

You looked at him, both confusion and surprise plastered across your face. Since when did Jeon Jungkook have a heart? 

“Like in Y/n’s experience, we knew each other for a while, and I fell in love almost instantly. In fact, I don’t remember a time that I didn’t love her.” Jungkook let out a sad chuckle as he leaned back against the bottom of the couch, his hands falling into his lap. You glanced away, but almost immediately felt his eyes burning a hole into you. You were always sensitive to his gaze, and prolonged eye contact with him tended to make you lightheaded. “But I made a bunch of mistakes, and although we were friends I turned her against me. I used to do that a lot.”

“Do what a lot?” Yoongi asked, his head tilting in curiosity.

“Turn my friends against me. I ended up losing all my friends in high school by the end of senior year. I was a horrible and selfish person back then. Luckily, I was able to apologize to almost everyone I hurt. Except for her.”

You turned to look at him again, and the hint of regret that you saw before turned into a sad, apologetic haze. He seemed to zone out as he was flooded with memories he had pushed to the back of his mind.

“W-what would you say to her if you could apologize.” Your voice seemed to falter, but no one else seemed to notice. Something told you he was talking about you, but there was no way. He couldn’t have actually loved you.

He stared deep into your eyes, into your soul. A glare you only remembered seeing in the most intimate and serious times you had with Jungkook, and you gave into his eyes as his voice gave you shivers down your spine as it went down an entire octave.

“I’d tell her I still loved her, and even if she never forgave me or if she didn’t care about me anymore, I’d still love her.”

_____________

   “Okay, we’ll meet again on Monday, have a good night!” You said as you saw everyone out. You had finally finished the chorus for the song and decided to call it a night. You watched Lisa and Jennie walk out before you turned back to Jungkook gathering his things into his backpack.

   “Hey, Kook, can I talk to you?” You asked quietly and he nodded in response. You brought him back to the kitchen and leaned against the counter. He seemed to copy you and leaned against the dishwasher across from you.

   “What’s up?” He said, nervously.

   “Uhm… Who were you talking about? Like we went to the same high school, so I was just wondering.” You wondered out loud. Jungkook's eyes flickered around the room, and he was obviously ansty. He sighed before answering.

   “I think you know who I was talking about.” He said in a low voice, similar to earlier. He slowly walked over to stand right in front of you, and you were only inches apart.

   “Oh really?” You said, raising an eyebrow. You felt yourself giving into him once again. No, no, no, no. Y/n, shut up you flirty bastard this is not the time. “Who?” Jungkook leaned in closer, pinning you with his body gripping the counter on each side of you. You could feel his breath fan over you, his eyes piercing through every defense you had against him.

   “You.” He said before you felt his lips against yours. God knows how hard you tried to bring yourself to stop, but his lips were too soft and you were too weak. You felt his hands against your hips and you instinctively brought your hands up to tangle your fingers in his hair. His tongue grazed your bottom lip and you instantly granted him entrance. He gripped your hips once again as he lifted you to sit on the counter before settling himself comfortably in between your legs. You moaned into his mouth as his hands traveled up under your shirt, only to return down to your hips the back again. He seemed to know every way to please you, which only made it easier to get his way with you. His lips drifted from yours down to your jawline, causing you to gasp softly as he sucked against your skin, raising bruises to the surface. He continued down to your collarbone.

   Suddenly he stopped, his hands comfortably wrapping around you, pressing your body against his. He rested his forehead on your shoulder and lost himself in your scent. God, he missed you, but he never allowed himself to truly show to what extent. Your hands left his hair and fell over his shoulders. You leaned your head against his and relaxed into the hug, taking advantage of his closeness.

   “I love you…” He whispered, in a way that he didn’t really expect you to hear him.

   “I love you too…” You sighed, causing him to pull away.

   “Wait really?” He asked, surprised by your response.

   “Yes, you dumbfuck now keep hugging me.” You said as you grabbed at the air between you, signaling that you wanted him to come back to you. He leaned back into your arms before wrapping his hands under your thighs, picking you up.

   “Which one is your room?” He asked as you leaned your head on his shoulder.

   “First one on the right.” You yawned, the feeling of tiredness overcoming your senses. You closed your eyes and heard Jungkook open your bedroom door. He turned on the light before setting you down on your bed.

   “You’re such a baby when you’re sleepy.” He chuckled as you slowly crawled under your sheets.

   “Shut up and come cuddle.” You smiled, your eyes still closed as you finally settled under your blanket and waited for Jungkook to join you. When he did, you noticed he wasn’t wearing the hoodie he once was. You scooted closer to him and felt him wrap his arms around you once again. Your nose pressed into the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent. You noticed he smelled different from in high school. It was more of a warm, comforting smell than his old cool and confident scent. You had fully given in to all that was Jungkook, and although everything in your being told you you shouldn’t be here with him, you were. And you loved every minute of it.

   You loved every minute of Jungkook nervously trying to ask you to be his girlfriend. You loved every minute of his ‘weekly movie nights’ that included you both falling asleep on the couch, tangled up together. You loved every minute of him showing up without warning in the middle of the night, claiming he couldn’t fall asleep without you next to him. You loved his smile and the laugh you could bring out of him from your shared sense of humor, You loved the full year he waited before asking to have sex. And you loved every minute of the feeling of his hands roaming over you as you finally connected in a way you only dreamed of. You were truly in love with the man who slept next to you, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

A/n: If you have any requests please feel free to suggest them, im slowly running out of ideas and i need some lmaoo

[taexyoongs]

In Full Bloom

Author: Anonymous

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Genre: Romance, Angst

Words: 4.8K

Author's Note: Hi everyone! This is my first time sharing a story here, so most of you have no idea who I am. I'm posting anonymously for one reason and one reason only--this is my first piece of writing in a long time and I'm really nervous about how it'll be received. Being the first fic (or anything) that I've written in such a long time, this story is really special to me, and so I hope you'll enjoy it and receive it warmly. Please note that this fic uses she/her pronouns, and the occasional "woman" here and there. If you don't identify with those pronouns/labels, please feel free to change them as you see fit. Thank you in advance for your time.~

Summary: One glimpse was all it took to change Yoongi's life forever. 

Admin Taenox’s Note: This was not written by this blogs admins!  It was written by someone very dear to me who is amazing at writing but doesn’t know it. SO SEND IN LOTS OF NOTES (to this blog) TO SHOW HER YOU LOVE IT! If anyone else wants to send in writing, go ahead <3

When Min Yoongi first saw you three years ago, it was through a cracked window- a window that was as fractured as both your hearts.

You were sitting in a coffee shop, doodling absentmindedly in the margins of a notebook, dreaming of escape, dreaming of something more than this. The cup of tea on the table spewed steam; it lay untouched.

Yoongi had entered then. You barely noticed as he sat down in the chair across from you; you were too focused on your notebook, lovingly caressing its pages with ink.

A soft cough roused you from your daydreams. Dark eyes peered at you, at the notebook, then back at you again. His hands, strong and capable and clearly made for music, flicked blond strands of hair away from his forehead before they landed in his lap and were obscured from view.

The breath was suddenly snatched directly from your lungs. You felt as if you were watching yourself from outside your body, from somewhere far far away where an alternate reality existed. Your teeth began to chatter so hard you had to clench your jaw shut tight to prevent any further embarrassment on your part.

Yoongi lowered his eyes; they never again met yours.

"Go out with me," he stammered out.

You blinked. You weren't sure you'd heard him correctly. Surely he has the wrong person? For a moment, you dared to imagine the possibilities, dared to imagine what this might mean for you. What it could mean. But then, then other thoughts began to run through your head. The cameras, the gossip, the blood and tears he would need to put in to ensure his happiness, however fleeting. And even then, even if he did manage all that, there was one small problem. Did you want to date him because you'd looked up to him because you had followed him to the ends of the earth for years as he soothed the demons in your heart through his voice and intricately woven words? Or did you want to date him because he was beautiful because his eyes seemed to look at parts of you that you wouldn't dare show the world because he was the only one who could reach you through honest words? Or- or, did you want to date him because you wanted to get to know him, who he was, what made him laugh, cry, what made his heart sing? And because you knew exactly who he was, because you knew exactly how this would end, because you wanted to spare him the utter misery of knowing someone like you-you told him no. 

The taste of rejection was bitter on Yoongi's tongue. He was someone who was used to being told no, and this was no different, but this one hurt in a way that other "no's" didn't. This one was not like the others. So he did what any self-respecting man who had just been told no would do; he apologized and rose from his chair, casting a regretful glance backward. Days later, and he couldn't stop thinking about the girl with the spark in her eyes and a voice like the blackest of nights- quiet, unwavering, and maybe just a little broken. Broken. Just like him.

Weeks had passed. You continued to tell yourself that what you had done was the right thing, that there was nothing else you could have possibly done no matter how much you had wanted to tell him yes. You had no time for regret. Yoongi stopped by the coffee shop almost daily after that initial meeting, hoping to get a glimpse of you for whatever strange reason. He would always sit at your table, laughing, his eyes crinkling wildly at the corners whenever he asked you about your art. You had never seen him like this, not even in the pictures of the albums you kept stuffed haphazardly in your closet. Most days, the notebook you usually took with you lay abandoned, its pages open to a smile you knew extremely well by now. Why look at an imitation, born from your imagination, when the real thing was sitting right in front of you, endless stories from his travels and work leaking from his lips? Oftentimes, weeks would go by where you wouldn't see him. You knew why, naturally, but it was always disappointing when his reassuring smile failed to appear before you. He didn't smile often, and that smile struck the fear of God into you whenever it did appear, because who knew when it would appear next, or at all. But there was a guarantee in these meetings, the guarantee that he would see you again, no matter how much time had passed, and that he would always greet you with a smile-eventually-no matter what he had endured. You wondered if he had told anyone about these meetings he was having with a strange girl in a foreign place. If he had, you were blissfully unaware, and if he hadn't, well, that would have been the more likely scenario. You imagined him consulting with his brothers, and they-they would likely either marvel at his utter stupidity or encourage him to no end, even if this, whatever it was, was futile. You would never be anything more than friends anyway, if you even were that at all. 

He kissed you for the first time exactly eight weeks after that fateful afternoon, a backdrop of stars as the only witness when he blinked sleep away from his eyes and leaned in. You had dared to allow him into your apartment, to let him stay the night after he'd come to you with his eyes rimmed red and silence on his lips. Terror tore through you. He didn't cry, he never cried. And as he paused before you, ready to launch himself into your arms, you didn't think. You cradled him to you as he looped his arms around your waist, gripping you tightly with his shoulders shaking wildly. Whatever had broken him, whoever had broken him, it had been bad. There was nothing you could do for him but this. He'd fallen asleep on your chest after you had allowed yourself to awkwardly pat his back as silent tears leaked from his eyes. You wouldn't have moved and woken him if the earth itself was about to be engulfed in flames. And when he woke it seemed to have dawned on him what he had done, and so he opened his eyes, lifted his head, and gently took your chin in his hand before pressing a soft kiss to your lips. He pulled back, just enough to gauge your reaction. His breaths barely staggered out. He was afraid, but he saw that you weren't upset, that you didn't pull back in utter repulsion, and so he leaned in again. You let him. His kiss tasted like melodies and jumbled words and sleepless nights. You were stunned...and you allowed yourself to fall.

When he found the albums in the closet, he walked out with no intention of ever coming back. You had never planned to keep what you knew a secret. You had never planned to NOT tell him that you had known his name since June 13, 2013 when you first glimpsed him on that stage that would now forever be known as having hosted legends. The simple fact was that you were afraid. How would he react once he knew the truth? Would he think that you wanted his money, or that you wanted him simply for the bragging rights, just so you could say that you had been with Min Yoongi? Status. Money. Power. All the things he had, and all the things that you didn't want, not from him. What you did want? Him. You wanted him. His dreams, his fears, his laughter, sadness, the ugly parts of him that he would never allow anyone to see. Everything. You wanted everything. "I can explain!" you screamed after him. "It's not what you think, I-please let me explain!" Yoongi snorted. A look of pure hatred descended upon his face. He looked to the albums, stacked neatly on the closet shelf. Everything was there, from the very beginning to the very end. The traitorous spines declaring the titles seemed to laugh at him. He turned back to you."You lied," he spat. "You lied, and I refuse to entertain a liar." "But-" "Did you really love me?" he snarled, voice like poison. "Or was it because of who I was? Who I am. Did you see that and decide that you would play stupid and get what you could?"You felt an eerie chill run down your spine. "Yoongi I-" "Shut your goddamn mouth!" he cried. "Did you love me." The words came out tightly, with more force than you had ever heard in any cypher. When no answer came, he tilted his head back and laughed bitterly. It was to keep the tears from spilling over, you realized. You stood there, frozen, unable to make any sound that even remotely resembled human speech. Nothing that you said would make any difference. You could tell him that you loved him over and over and over until the day your body turned to dust, but he would never believe it. He had already decided. Your throat began to close up, and in that moment you knew that you had lost. You had lost the moment that Min Yoongi had first laid eyes on you through that broken window."This is what I fucking want," Yoongi said, ice coating his tone. "I never want to see you again. Don't contact me, don't support me- hell, pretend that I'm dead to you. Because that's what you are to me. You are dead to me. And if you're worried about me telling anyone about this, about handing over your name to anyone- don't worry. I won't. You have my word." Then, in the quietest voice that you almost didn't hear him, "I'm honest, unlike you."The worst part was that he didn't even slam the door. He closed it quietly as he saw himself out without a single glance back. You crumbled the moment that he disappeared from view. He had left your life as quietly as he had entered it. Unexpectedly and without a trace. 

Yoongi hated himself. Certainly, hatred was a strong word, but there was nothing else that could express the contempt that he held for himself at this very moment. "Why did I do that?" he asked Namjoon. "Why the fuck did I do that?"He had been in Korea for approximately three months since he had shouted at you in your bedroom. He had zero intentions of ever returning to you when he had walked out that door, but the moment he stepped on the plane two days later, he realized that he was leaving his heart behind. He was making a terrible mistake, and he knew it. But to hell with it, because this was his choice, and since it was his choice, he would deal with the repercussions too. He had never really been the logical type. Act first, deal later had always been more his style. Namjoon leaned back on a cream-colored couch, a book in his hand. He closed it with a snap and sighed heavily as he stared at Yoongi. Truly, he looked pathetic. The sequined silver jacket he wore sharply contrasted with his jet-black hair and pale face. Too pale. Much too pale to be healthy. Did he seriously think he was going to perform like that and not have anyone notice that his insides had been ripped to shreds? The show started in twenty minutes. Maybe the crowd wouldn't notice, but his brothers would."I don't know what you want me to tell you," Namjoon said. Yoongi's eyes were hollow. They appeared more hollow as time continued to creep forward. "I didn't mean a single fucking word I said to her that day." "Did you call her?" Namjoon asked. "Text? Email? Apology?" Silence. "Acknowledgement of her existence?" Still, no one spoke. "Come on, you have to contact her Yoongi. You can't expect things to fix themselves. You made a mistake, that's fine. People make mistakes when they're emotional. But you made a very big mistake. You should have let her explain. You knew she didn't mean any harm, you knew. From what you told us- you knew, so why did you-" "I know," Yoongi whispered. "I was scared, ok? I was fucking scared." "Why?" "Because I wanted a reason to run away. I wanted a reason to leave. Because it was real, Namjoon. It was fucking real and that's what scared me. I wanted a reason for the whole thing to have been a lie so I could justify it when she told me she didn't want me anymore." "Was it worth it?" asked Namjoon. Yoongi considered the words. Was it worth it? Was his stupidity worth this utter shit show that he had concocted for himself? Absolutely not, but everything else? It was worth it, every last thing. When he thought about why he had yelled at you that day, it all came down to one thing: fear. What he'd told Namjoon hadn't been a lie. The fear of losing you, of not being good enough, of you running away once his darkest demons came out to play and tried to burn him alive- that's what it came down to. Yet even when he found out that you knew of his identity since day one and beyond, that you weren't as clueless as he had initially hoped. He knew without a doubt that what you wanted from him wasn't something that could be issued out in the form of hundred dollar bills. You wanted to know him, and that was what scared him the most. He knew why you didn't tell him the truth, and he understood. Maybe that's why he turned to Namjoon and said in a barely audible whisper, "Help me."Namjoon's hand found Yoongi's shoulder and lightly squeezed. "I will," he said. His hand remained, and it looked as if he wanted to say something more. He opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again. Finally, he simply said, "Get her back. You have to get her back."Yoongi knew what he meant. She could make or break his entire life. The rest of it, anyway. If this was her, if this woman was the choice he was making, here and now and possibly for the rest of his life, he had to get her back. Yoongi grabbed his microphone and held his breath.

 He waited.

"But you said I could do it! You said I could do the vocals!" "Jimin," Yoongi said sweetly, "if you don't shut the fuck up right now, I'm going to throw you out of the nearest window." "But you said-" "On second thought, I take that back." A wicked grin spread across Yoongi's face as he turned in his chair to look at Jimin. "If you don't shut the fuck up, I'm going to give Jungkook the lines."Bangs echoed off the studio door, and despite the studio's sound-proofing, Jungkook's voice could be heard  shouting several richly-colored epithets.  Namjoon's muffled voice soon followed, though much quieter than the former's. The banging and screaming ceased at once. Jimin sighed. "Fine. What exactly is the song?"Yoongi's face softened. His eyes, always the color of slightly melted chocolate, burned darker. "It's...special."Jimin didn't ask any further questions. He simply grabbed a chair, slid close to his friend, and waited for instructions. 

It was impossible to keep track of the nights you had cried yourself to sleep from missing him. Sometimes you cried out of sheer desperation, while other nights you cried because you simply didn't know how else to deal with the pain. And then there were those nights where you couldn't cry at all, and so you tried to sleep most of your days away. Regardless, it was always his voice you fell asleep to. Always. The voice you found comfort in then was the voice you clung onto now. Funny how that worked. You were certain that if things ended badly- and clearly they had- you would never be able to return to this safe space made up his voice and the calming melodies that washed over you like the stillness of a river. You had tried to contact Yoongi. You hadn't made it a full twenty-four hours and your fingers had already been fumbling for your phone, dialing his number as if it was the only thing in this world that could save you. When he didn't pick up, you tried to text. Of course, he never replied. You weren't that surprised. You had earned this. You had destroyed him. And for that, he had destroyed you. What did surprise you, however, was the day you returned home from work to a small brown box waiting for you in the mailbox. It was thin. You shook it, but nothing seemed to budge out of place inside. Your blood turned to ice the moment you caught sight of the return address. You didn't wait to go inside. With shaking fingers, you tore the box open to find a smaller package wrapped in delicate gold paper. The sun glinted off it, reflecting all the colors of the rainbow. You opened it, and inside were two single sheets of paper. Printed on the first was a photo of a young woman facing forward, her eyes closed. Daisies and small bunches of Baby's Breath were sprinkled throughout her hair like a crown, woven throughout. The woman's face was bathed in golden sunlight, hiding most of her features. The background of the photo was a sky streaked with pinks and oranges and purples. Taped to the photo was a note with the words, I hope you don't mind. Tell me what you think. You tried not to cry and failed miserably. You remembered that day. You remembered it too well. Yoongi had told you how he needed to practice his photography skills (or lack thereof), because Taehyung had told him how awful he was at taking selfies, and Min Yoongi was certainly not going to be outshined by anyone. Taehyung had bet that he wouldn't be able to take even one good picture. Apparently, Yoongi had been able to take one. Just one. After spending at least forty-five minutes giving him directions and ensuring he wouldn't get lost, you had met him at one of your favorite parks. After the coffee shop, this is where you came to be alone. It was wildflower season, so of course, Yoongi hadn't been able to resist using them as props for his photo shoot. He had told you that he wanted you to wear the flowers because this was his only chance to upstage Taehyung in an area that wasn't rap, but you knew he was lying. He told you so later on when you had him pinned to the wall and breathed sweet words into his ear. You shook yourself back to the present, tears threatening to spill over, and took one more look at the photo. The words "Agust D," printed across the bottom corner of the page, made the world spin around you. He wouldn't. He couldn't. Oh, but he was. Sucking in a breath, you carefully tucked the first sheet of paper behind the second. This one shared a similar background to the first, but unlike the first photo, this one was numbered from one to twelve. A tracklist, you realized. Most of the slots were empty, but some of them had titles with notes made beside them in messy handwriting. His writing. One title, in particular, commanded your attention. Track twelve. It was circled and underlined in heavy black ink multiple times. In Full Bloom, you read. Immediately, you reached for the small box that everything had been packaged in. Your fingers closed around what appeared to be a rectangular piece of metal enclosed in bubble wrap. You took it out and unwrapped it. A USB stick.  Your heart thundered in your chest. You couldn't breathe. Surely this was a mistake? But it couldn't be, because Yoongi would never, not in a million years, allow such a mistake to be made. Everything he did was purposefully and thoroughly done, and this was no different. You hurried inside, transferred the song to your phone, and prepared to cry. 

The first time I saw you was through shattered glass

Broken, like the pieces that made up you

I feel like destiny was on my side that day

Because even though I couldn't fix you

Even though I didn't want to (no need to change what's already beautiful)

I knew we could be broken together, you and I

We could make something new, conquer the stars, conquer the world

You and I

We could be in full bloom

Keep going, it's going to be okay

Soon, you'll be in full bloom

No words would ever come close to being able to describe the things that Min Yoongi's voice did to you during those three minutes and fifty-eight seconds of bliss. His words flowed quickly as if time was not on his side and he needed to get them out as soon as possible. There were points where he finally stopped to take a breath and slowed, then quickly sped back up into a whirlwind of emotion. The melody itself was infectious- light and airy yet dark all at once.  And then- Jimin. You easily picked out Jimin in the background, singing not words, but light, soothing notes that sounded like millions of stars. That night, you cried yourself to sleep again, but this time was different. Because this time you cried with a smile gracing your face, Yoongi's voice in your ears, and love stamped onto your heart. Somewhere in the world, thousands of miles away, you knew that Yoongi was going about his day, scribbling words from the heart onto paper napkins, and offering forgiveness, hoping that you'd take it. He understood why you'd lied. It was going to be okay.

It's three o'clock in the morning. You're in bed, and a head of jet-black hair rests face-first on your chest, the owner's hands tightly clasping both of your own. You're not sure if he's (still) asleep, but Yoongi's hands have been holding yours for quite some time, and you'd be a fool to let go of them now. It's been three years since that night he had come to you, his eyes telling stories of pain and pain and more pain. His hands gently squeeze yours, and you're sure that he's awake now. His head lifts and the smile he gives you is nothing short of exquisite. His hands untangle themselves from yours, finding your waist. His hands, those glorious, perfect hands, guide you so that he's the one beneath you now, and you're the one sprawled out on his chest. He tangles a hand in your hair, and you look up at him with questions in your eyes. So many questions."Do you think this is crazy?" he asks, his voice like gravel. "Am I crazy?"You considered for a moment. It was easy to figure out what he was referring to. "Depends what you mean by crazy. Do I think you're brilliantly, insanely talented? Definitely. Do I think you're also insane? Probably."He smiles and chokes back laughter. His hand begins to caress your cheek. You let him, and your palm covers his hand. "I am so in love with you," he says. "And I'm scared." His voice cracks on the last word. "Still scared."You sit up on his lap so that you can look down at him from above. This was not a man that was used to sharing his emotions, so even this was a step forward. "Why?" "Because I've never loved like this, and what's freely given can be easily taken away." He kisses your palm. "You're the most important thing in my life, and I never thought I'd ever be saying that."You think back to Min Yoongi's first love; a piano, a notebook filled with hastily scrawled lyrics, and a studio where he may as well have lived in for all the time he spent in it. "There's no reason why more than one thing can't be important," you say, gently reminding him. What you loved most about him, besides his kindness, besides his warmth hidden beneath stalking shadows, was his burning passion for music and his ambition in creating something even better than the last. "What if you leave my ass someday?" "Never."For a heartbeat he says nothing, then simply repeats after you, "Never." He smiles, and you know without a doubt that his demons will never be able to catch up. You dissolve into giggles, and he soon follows. And then Min Yoongi does something that he never once dreamed he would be ever be doing because his life was supposed to be cut short a long time ago, and people like him aren't allowed happiness. Until three years ago. Until you. Until now. "Marry me."You stare at him, your ears refusing to believe what your brain understands to be true. Your body stills completely against his, and Yoongi sits up slightly. His expression softens further, if such a thing is even possible, though the smile that had been blinding before is slowly growing dimmer. His hand goes to lightly grip your arm. Slowly, his hand trails down your arm until he lays your palm flat against his. He refuses to look at you. "What?" you whisper. Fear, as sharp as any blade, slices into your chest. No, not fear. Worry. For him. Always for him."I don't think either of us ever expected for this- us- to make it this far. I mean, I'd hoped, but still," he says evenly. There's a softness to his voice that you have never heard before. "I know that things aren't going to be easy, and I know that it's not easy being with someone like me. It won't be easy." His voice breaks at this, but he carries on. "The- the fame thing. And other stuff." He still won't look at you. He takes a breath. "I'm clingy, I'm stubborn, I'm rude, and I like being holed up in a tiny room all alone for far too long for it to be healthy. But I think, I hope, I can make you happy. Because this is it, really, this is fucking it. This is me. I have issues, way too many of them to name out loud, but if you're ok with that, if you're really fucking okay with that... marry me. Because if you love me the way I think you do, I'm never letting you walk away ever again. Unless you want to." Finally, finally, Yoongi's gaze meets yours, and what you see there feels like you've been dealt a blow to the chest. Hope. So much hope, burning brighter than all the stars that had witnessed your first kiss on that fateful night. "So where's the ring?" you ask, looking to him expectantly. His cheeks immediately flush the deepest shade of crimson. He mumbles something unintelligible and lowers his head, once again avoiding your eyes."Hey," you whisper, taking his face in both your hands. "Hey, it's okay. I'm only messing with you. I don't need a stupid ring, dumbass."His lips quirk up slightly at the corners. "So? Will you?" "Of course. Yes. Yes, I will marry you."Yoongi leans in, covers your lips with his own, and for the first time in his life, allows himself to fall, fall, fall. The darkness would not touch him tonight. 

[bemyfriend-archive]

Don’t Look Now (I’m Being Followed)

Word Count:  14.057

Parings: Lee Jooheon x Im Changkyun (I.M)

Genre: superhero au, college au, roommate au

Summary: Searching for some apparent place, where floated needles decide the way. I’d dig my heels but I might crack the ice, give me some solid ground. The frost sinking in my cheeks, in my fingertips, I'm frozen senseless, everyday is a winter solstice without you.

The super hero / roommate au in which one is powered by the stars while the other is powered by the frigid cold. When one half of the duo gets seriously injured right before a fatal attack on the city, will the other come to his side?

A/N: this was originally posted to a03 for the spring monsta x fic exchange, i’ve decided to cross post on here just to see how it goes, as always this is unbeta’d because i’m lazy, there is references to drug use and major character death, as well as mentions of depression and suicide

Links: A03 ll playlist

Dragging his half dead body (and entirely dead soul) into the public library, Changkyun made his way to the science section hoping for some sign from Hyejoo. It had already been close to a year since she destroyed half the town. The only reason he knew she was alive was because he still saw her stars in the moon-lit night sky.

Fading in and out of thought, he walked around in a daze as his vision unfocused. Letting his thoughts drift to the distant shores of his own mind, he was met with the confused face of a platinumed hair man around the same age as him. Probably entering his first or second year of university like Changkyun himself.

Watching as the other took out his earbuds, Changkyun echoed the motion removing his own headphones. The tense air between the two was filled with the soft beats of music.

“Can I help you?” Platinum asked, removing his hand from the bookshelf as he hardened his gaze on Changkyun.

“Um, I just need that book on constellations, the black one, by Hye.” Changkyun responded feeling his hands get sweaty for some reason. Why was he nervous? Doing a once over on Platinum he realized he was almost the exact opposite of himself. First there was the hair, second this dude was dressed in pale greys and whites, thirdly he looked way too kissable, his cheeks were too soft to ignore. Changkyun just looked emo, scary, and dead inside, (which he was).

Lost in thought once more, he muttered a thanks as Platinum reached for the books once more. “Catasterismi?” Platinum asked. Giving a small nod in response, he watched on as the other took the book off the shelf and handed it to Changkyun, keeping as much space between them as possible, he acted as if he’d freeze Changkyun if the two made contact. “One strange book for one strange, and cute, boy.” Platinum smiled, showing off his dimples.

Muttering a small “thanks” he could feel himself blushing as he walked away. Cute huh? That was a new one, strange however, he was used to. Putting his headphones back on, Changkyun walked towards a corner of the library that was soaked in sunlight. The soft sounds of some My Chemical Romance song came through his headphones, helping him fall into a trance. Pulling out a chair, he sat down at an isolated table, back to the sun.

“Mama, we’re meant for the flies, and right now they’re building a coffin your size. Mama we’re all full of lies.” He sang to himself as he flipped through his book, glad that no one else was around to question his (very emo), music taste. Continuing to hum along to the song, he began to sway his head from side to side as he read through his sister’s book.

Jooheon had no idea what had come over him. What the hell was he thinking calling a stranger cute? Much less strange. He was the strange one here. Who wore a sweatshirt in the middle of July? Jooheon, that’s who. Shaking his head, he put his headphones back in being met with the soothing music of Michael Jackson. Making his way to the back of the library, meteorology book in hand, he was met with the sight of the stranger sitting in an isolated corner.

Taking a deep breath, he braved himself before walking up to the table and tapping the stranger on the shoulder. Interrupting the stranger’s hums of an outdated, and surely classic emo song, Jooheon tapped the strangers shoulder causing him to jump. And scream.

Faster than they both could realize, one of the workers was shushing them with threats of kicking them out. Bowing and apologizing to the worker, Jooheon looked back to the stranger only to be met with a glare. Giving a sheepish smile, Jooheon introduced himself. He watched as the other lowered his glare to his book before responding with his own name.

Counting it as a win with the cute stranger named Changkyun, he sat himself down across from him and opened his own book. Despite sitting directly in the sun’s harsh midday glare, Jooheon found himself occasionally glancing at Changkyun. Everytime he did, he found the other basked in the sun’s rays as if there was a halo around him. He wasn’t sure how or why, but he found himself falling for him despite the two of them having less than a conversation together.

Convinced that Changkyun was in a world of his own, Jooheon allowed himself to fully take in Changkyun. He had jet black hair, black eyes that seemed like they held both the answers for everything, and questions that no one knew to ask. He wore a black turtleneck sweater with a white line across his chest. Almost the exact opposite of what Jooheon wore, and somehow that interested him more. After all, opposites attract, right?

Almost the entire day had gone by with the two sitting in complete silence, neither wanting to spark a conversation that could lead to something more. Between them a stack of books in a variety of titles, authors, thickness, colors, and topics acted as a wall. A physical boundary to prevent them from talking. Hearing Changkyun sigh, either in frustration, or annoyance, he watched as the other stood up and collected his books.

Continuing to watch in silence, Changkyun slowly faded out of his field of vision with his stack of books and a backpack he didn’t have before. Deciding it was time to go as well, Jooheon let out a defeated sigh as he picked up his messenger bag and slung it over his shoulder. Not wanting the school year to start so he could continue reading his fictional books and not some stupid text books. Picking up his own stack of books that he had fanned through, he took out the best three and returned to the front desk.

Checking out the books, he carefully placed them in his bag before walking outside. Letting his eyes adjust to the fading sunlight, he began walking to his car only to see that Changkyun was sitting on top of a motorcycle. Somehow he wasn’t all that surprised, all the other needed was a leather jacket (and maybe pants) to complete the badass look. Unlocking his car, Jooheon tossed his bag onto the passenger seat and watched as Changkyun took off down the street.

Turning on the engine, he slammed his head against the steering wheel realizing he had forgotten to ask for Changkyun’s number. Sitting up and rubbing his forehead, he let out a small pout before putting on his seat belt and backing out of the library’s parking lot.

“I have got to stop slamming my head against things.” He whispered to nobody.

Returning to the library, Changkyun sat in the parking lot and pulled out the book that Jooheon had wanted. Taking out the note he had prepared at Kihyun’s, he slipped it in the book and walked inside. A part of him had hoped to see Jooheon again so that he could feel the other’s eyes on him. It was an odd feeling, one that he liked. He wasn’t entirely sure as to why.

Pulling open the heavy storm proof door, he approached the front desk and handed the book to the librarian. Asking them to hold it for Jooheon, he returned to his motorcycle outside and sat in silence for a moment, lost in his own thoughts. Shaking his head, he started up the engine and once again left his (now) favorite library behind.

Within a couple weeks Changkyun had given up hope of hearing from Platinum again, but yet here he was, thinking about the mysterious man dressed in all white. Parking in the lot next to his dorm building, he made his way through the front and to the main entrance. Walking up behind the shitty makeshift welcome desk, he tugged on the chair Kihyun was currently sitting in. “Your favorite resident has finally moved back in, how does that make you feel?”

“Sorry Changkyun, but Hyungwon moved in with the RA’s last week, can you believe he hasn’t even graduated and yet he’s working? He’s truly amazing.” Minhyuk turned to Changkyun and responded with a smile plastered across his face, eyes in crescents. Giving Minhyuk his infamous death glare in return, he tugged on the older’s chair making him fall out and onto the ground.

“So cold Minhyukkie, I thought I was the favorite since I’m the youngest.” He leaned back, putting his feet up on the table (most likely knocking over a binder or two in the process) he put his arm over his eyes feigning a broken heart. Faking sobs, he heard Minhyuk groan as he stood up and started rubbing his ass.

Continuing to bicker with Minhyuk, Kihyun’s smack across his chest caught his attention. Sitting up right, he turned to the pink haired male, ready to fight back only to be met with a key in front of his face along with papers.

“Oh no no no, I am NOT having a roommate, I refuse, the school can kiss my ass. Not today Pink Satan.”

“Which Pink Satan? Me or Hyungwon?” Kihyun smiled like the devil he was before shoving the papers into Changkyun’s chest and forcing him out of the chair. Laying on the ground, he watched as Minhyuk quickly took his chair back and placed his feet on Changkyun as if he were a leg rest.

“He fucking what now?” Closing his eyes and taking in a deep breath of the Summer air, he let his mind clear, feeling his face relax. “Nope.” He yelled before standing up, only to bump into Kihyun.

“Hey jackass, put aside the thought of two Pink Satans for now and meet your roommate.” Rubbing his forehead, Changkyun looked up and was met with the sight of a man dressed in white with platinum hair. “Changkyun, meet Lee Jooheon. Jooheon, meet your roommate, and pain in the ass, Im Changkyun. I pray for your mental stability.”

“Um, I can show you to our room and help you move some of your stuff in, but after that I gotta dip out for the new student orientation shit. I really only have an hour and a half, so you know, use me.” He smiled and raised his arms, forming a T as if Jooheon was just going to take his body.

Peeking at Jooheon, Changkyun noticed that the other looked more spooked than amused. “Alright room 415, here we go, party room, whoo.” Letting his head drop, he pointed to the entrance before walking towards it. Picking up a suitcase and duffle bag labeled LJH, Changkyun opened the door for the other and headed towards the elevator.

Once inside the two sat in a tense and awkward silence as the old (and probably unsafe) elevator dinged it’s way to the top floor. Maintaining the silence, Changkyun led the pair towards their room. “Just so you know, the pink haired satan, or Kihyun as some call him, is this floor’s RA. He’s chill but just don’t piss him off ya know?”

Unlocking the door, they entered the dimly lit doubles room. “I’m Im Changkyun, or I.M as some call me. Second year astrology major, early entry right out of highschool, wears too much black, probably looks like I’m always ready to kill someone, rarely talks to people outside of his group, blah blah blah. It’s all true. I’m sure you’ve heard some shit already but take it how you want it.”

Setting down Jooheon’s stuff on the plain mattress, Changkyun finished his introduction. “These beds are shit by the way, you’re gonna want a mattress topper of some kind. Anyway, I’ve told you everything you need to know about me for now, let's get you moved in.” Giving Jooheon a soft smile, he tried to make himself seem as nice as possible despite knowing it probably wouldn’t happen.

Tossing the keys and paperwork in Jooheon’s direction, he stuffed his hands into his pockets and left the room. Closing the door as softly as he could, he found himself aggravated as he walked in the direction of the stairwell.

Entering the stairwell, Changkyun began talking to himself not caring if someone heard him in passing. It’s not like it would make sense anyway. “I know he checked out the damn book and yet he couldn’t even bother giving me the time of day, but oh nooo, at the library he’s free to check me out and look at me whenever he fucking feels like it. Look at me getting my hopes up again.” Kicking the wall, he placed his head against the wall as well and breathed.

“Seven seconds in, hold five, release seven.” He whispered to himself as he continued to use the wall as support in calming himself down.

Jooheon couldn’t believe it. Not when he saw the black-cladded male basically pull a chair out from someone. Not when Kihyun had introduced them after he had stood up, and certainly not when he was trapped in the elevator with the man he now knew as Im Changkyun.

Once he was alone in the room, key and paperwork in his lap, Jooheon pulled the silver phone case off his phone. Taking out the note, he rolled it over in his hand mindlessly before unfolding it. “Since you couldn’t stop staring at me - xxx-xx-xxx - call me instead ;)” it read. He doubted that Changkyun had remembered him at all and that the note was more for fucking around together instead of building friendship that could turn into something more like Jooheon wanted.

He was already whipped for Changkyun, just from his mysterious aura and his humming along to music as he read. The other had to have people over him all the time, he just screamed attraction. Those two thoughts alone had made Jooheon too scared to call or text him, but now he didn’t have a choice, they were roommates after all. Oh my god, they were roommates. Putting his head into his hands, he rubbed at his eyes hoping it would help destress him. It didn’t.

Letting out a loud sigh, Jooheon pulled his face out of his hands slowly dragging his hands down his neck in defeat. Taking a second before looking around the room he let his thoughts run wild not making any sense.

Absorbing his surroundings (aka Changkyun’s side of the room) he noted that the other had glow in the dark stars up on the ceiling. Some formed random shapes, others made the constellations.

Changkyun’s side of the room was adorned in shades of black and silver. On the walls he had hung fairy lights (even they had black electrical cords), various posters of bands and video games, as well as some polaroids, none of which had him in them. A part of Jooheon wondered what Changkyun got up to or what kind of past he had to make him this dark and closed off. Continuing to look around and explore the small room, Jooheon found himself wanting to know everything about the other, no matter how long it took.

Starting to unpack his own stuff, the full realization of just how much they contrasted started to settle in. While Changkyun’s stuff was black and silver, Jooheon’s was white and gold. A total 180 from each other. Sneaking a peek over to Changkyun’s desk to get an idea of a good set up, he noticed astronomy textbooks among a wide array of albums and unlabeled binders. Maybe they’d have some classes together. Smiling to himself with a new found hope, he began setting up as Changkyun opened the door bringing in the rest of Jooheon’s stuff.

Once Changkyun dropped everything on Jooheon’s bed, he finally decided to speak up. “Changkyun listen, I uh just wanted to let you know that I got your note. And that I never called or texted because I was nervous and I thought I wouldn’t see you again. So let’s start over yeah? My name’s Lee Jooheon, I’m a second year transfer from abroad and I’m studying Biology.” Reaching his hand out, he watched as Changkyun simply looked at his outstretched hand.

“Nope.” Changkyun said with a soft smile before changing into a (unsurprisingly) black shirt that said “Orientation Leader” on the back with the school’s logo on the breast. He had waved and walked out. Feeling his heart sink into his stomach, the hope Jooheon had previously was gone. “Fucking idiot.” He whispered at himself as he heard the younger disappear down the hallway.

Walking back down to the RA’s table outside, Changkyun now had one mission before his orientation duty.

Slamming his hands down on the table (and most likely scaring a new student or two) he was met with Kihyun glaring up at him. “Yes Changkyun?”

“I want a new roommate.”

“Too bad.”

“He’s too cute and kind for me.”

“Then stop liking dick.”

“Um, no? Have you HAD a dick before? They're fan-fucking-tastic.”

“Fuck off and go do your OL shit gay lord.”

“Says the one with pink hair.”

“Ladies, ladies, you’re both very gay and very pretty but we have new students lets not scare them okay? At least not today?” Minhyuk had ended the conversation with a threatening smile towards the duo. Hearing whispers from both students and parents behind them, Changkyun huffed and walked away knowing soon he’d be seeing those same people. At least they knew there was a gay community on campus now.

The memories began to fade away as he finally broke out his homework. Changkyun heard the door open only to reveal a bruised up Jooheon with grocery bags on both his arms. Standing up to help his roommate (and crush) he began looking through the bags. “Hey dumbass, you forgot the milk. Again.”

“Fucking shit.” Jooheon muttered as he dropped his head in shame, allowing Changkyun to pat the other's soft locks. Feeling his heart soften towards the older’s antics once more, he began to wonder when he started feeling like this. Helping Jooheon with the groceries, he couldn’t help but wonder how he had gotten so beaten and bruised. Maybe he really was the Ice Dude.

Slamming his head against the desk, Jooheon groaned as he looked at his watch watching the time go by slower than molasses on crutches. Up hill. In the winter.

“Dude you okay?” A deep voice beside Jooheon spoke quietly, a soft prod in his side coming shortly after.

“Changkyun, buddy, pal. I love you, but why the hell did you pick morning classes. Also please don’t poke me.”

“You’re squishy it’s fun. As for morning classes, I know we both always have shit to do at night so chill, you’ll thank me for it one day.”

Moving his head to the side, Jooheon stared down Changkyun with a glare in his eye. “Yeah that’ll be the day you save my life or some bullshit.”

Finally sitting back up Jooheon let out a small sigh wishing the time could go faster. Resting his head in the palm of his hand he glanced to Changkyun. “I’m gonna go to the store after class, do you need anything?”

He watched Changkyun look at his phone and quickly cleared a notification. “Just some milk, I’ll be getting back late tonight, sorry dude.”

“All good man.”

Running out of the lecture hall, Jooheon could feel his body temperature dropping. Fast. He knew everyone was staring at him. It wasn’t often he made a beeline right after class. Running through the parking lot he unlocked his car, tossing in his bag and starting it up. Turning up the heat and letting out a small shiver, he grabbed his phone and dialed Hyunwoo before driving off.

“Where am I going papa bear?”

“Still not your dad, you’re going to the east wing on 5th and 14th. Don’t die.”

“Yeah that’s as likely to happen as me working with someone new.” Laughing to himself Jooheon drove onto the almost empty highway.

Changkyun stood up groaning. “If you’re gonna beat me, at least do it in bed after wine and dining me asshole. You know, I WAS gonna feel bad about hurting you, until you threw me through a fucking WALL.” Hardening his expression he stepped through the hole in the wall and turned to look at it. “Looks like my ass after some good dick.”

“What the literal fuck is wrong with you?”

“Says the one out here looking like a fucking twink.” Taking another look at the red head, he smiled to himself. “If you get naked and put some body glitter on I might think about sleeping with you.”

“Changkyun, the more dumbass comments you make, the more likely he is to throw you through another wall.” Turning to face Kihyun, remark ready to be made, he felt something connect with his jaw. “You see normally, I would call that lucky since you’re against Changkyun, but someone has sex on his mind. Again.”

Laying in the rubble of a new dent in their concrete floors, he raised up an arm in protest. “Not my fault my roommate is fucking hot. I can get serious if you want me to Minhyukkie. Do you wanna see my pet Wolfie?” Standing up once more, Changkyun brushed the dirt and dust off himself.

Running over to Minhyuk he connected his boot cladded foot with the older’s chest sending him against the wall Changkyun had previously gone through. Hearing the crack of Minhyuk's body against the hard concrete sent a satisfying shiver through his body.

Grinning, he watched as the older stood up clutching his chest, clearly gasping for air. “I’m that good huh? I guess I can leave everyone breathless.” Changkyun asked with a quick wink, a smirk to follow. Walking over to the barely breathing man he could hear Kihyun yelling at him to quit it. “Do you really want me to get serious? I haven’t even used my powers, do the stars scare you? Maybe one day I’ll summon Wolfie for you.”

“Get. Fucked.” Minhyuk breathed out before blacking out. Feeling his body get weak and watching as his vision blurred, he flipped off Hyungwon. “Can you ever leave time alone? For thirty seconds?” He yelled, resting his head on the rubble of the half destroyed wall.

“With you around? No.” Hyungwon smiled down at him before turning serious again. “In about an hour there’s going to be something happening, I’ll send you the location shortly. Get moving.” Nodding to Hyungwon, he stood up. “You know this wall kinda looks like..”

“Changkyun I said go.”

Letting out a small sigh he walked towards the exit, grabbing his jacket and keys off Kihyun’s workbench. “I’m gonna die to spite you both.” He muttered as he closed the door behind him. Just as quickly as the door closed, it was kicked open by a furious Kihyun screaming that “He had better not” and that “He’d stay dead this time.”

Climbing on top of his motorcycle he pulled his jacket tight around him before putting on his helmet and gloves. Starting up the engine he felt the machine roar to life under him. Patting the side he pulled down his visor, completely engulfing himself in black.

Leaving the hideout, Changkyun sped towards the highway. Driving into the blinding sunlight, a map popped up on his visor with the location of his new mission. 5th and 14th, at least he wasn’t going to the slums for once. Revving the engine and popping a wheelie, he smiled to himself as he weaved his way through the parking lot traffic.

Arriving at the location, Changkyun was met with the sight of someone dressed in hues of  white and blue standing over someone or something. Inching himself forward on the bike, he tapped the side of his helmet zooming in on the stranger. He had this itching feeling that he had seen him before somewhere. Maybe this was the new ice dude Minhyuk had been going on about.

Upon closer inspection he noticed the man in white had some type of weapon on his back. “Probably to help with physical fights.” He muttered to himself. How could this dude wear so much white? White pants, white trench coat, white hood, white scarf, white boots. Changkyun was seeing more white than when he came the other night.

Brushing his platinum hair out of his face, Jooheon walked up to the now motionless body that laid in a pile of rubble. Fixing the white scarf that covered the lower part of his face. “Listen buddy, I really don’t wanna hurt you anymore, so could you maybe, I dunno, turn yourself in? Please? I have an essay due tomorrow and its not done, plus my roommate is expecting me back soon ya know?”

Hearing a motorcycle engine in the distance his head shot up. Narrowing his eyes at the noise he watched the figure on the motorcycle slowly get closer. No doubt who ever it was under the famed Lupus mask, they were inspecting Jooheon. Squatting down he prepared himself to leave. There was no way in hell he was squaring off against Lupus. Not in this lifetime, he liked living. Thank you very much.

Much to his surprise Lupus had turned their motorcycle around, the moonlight reflecting midnight blues and greys off the mechanical body, along with the constellation on their helmet before revving the engine and driving off. He watched in silence as the picked up the (probably concussed) man in front of him. Throwing the man over his shoulder, he launched himself off an ice stalagmite into the sky towards the nearest police station. “Guess the essay isn't getting finished” He whispered to himself as he continued launching himself from roof to roof.

Arriving back at the dorm, Changkyun took off his helmet and threw it into his safe along with his jacket and gloves before slamming it shut. It was all a little odd. For the longest time he was the only super in this city until this Ice Dude showed up. The biggest oddity was that Ice Dude arrived around the same time as Jooheon.

A part of him was jealous of Ice Dude's powers. Ice stalagmites to launch himself through the air, another power that summons a small field of stalagmites, his weapon (whatever it was used for, or whatever purpose it served aside from beating the shit out of people), a frost shield, an ice grenade, and some type of ice blast. What else did this dude have at his fingertips?

It had to be so much better than using physical force and the stars to fight. Granted he knew he looked badass but still, Changkyun was allowed to be envious.

It didn’t make sense to him. Jooheon showed no signs of being a super, much less a powerful one with a skill set like Ice Dude. He was just, too nice. No matter how hard he tried Changkyun couldn't picture it. Hyungwon and Kihyun had also said it was highly improbable.

Usually there was only one super protecting a city or an area.

Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, he changed into joggers and a sweatshirt before pulling out his homework. Sitting back in his chair, he pulled his backpack up onto his lap and propped his legs up on the desk. Shuffling through his bag as he looked for his assigned readings he felt himself get lost in thought.

What if Jooheon really was the Ice Dude? Their relationship could either change dramatically or not at all. Did Jooheon not trust him enough to tell him? Feeling his gaze drop he knew he couldn’t hold that against him. He hadn’t told Jooheon he was Lupus after all.

Who could blame him? Lupus was a scary dude that never showed his full power. The last time a full power like his was shown sent the country, along with half the world, into turmoil and confusion. What else could come out of a constellation coming to life?

The only time it had happened was when his younger sister Hyejoo had seen her best friend commit suicide, shortly after the incident her jet black wolf tore through the town, hunting down the people who had harmed her friend so badly. Once it all ended Hyejoo took herself off the grid, even cutting ties with Changkyun.

Finding himself lost in thought, Changkyun thought back to how he had met Jooheon and how he fell for him instantly. Chuckling to himself with the thought of Hyejoo indirectly bringing the two together.

Sitting at his desk, Jooheon toyed with the cowbell that he had bought a few hours prior. Why? Even he didn’t know, it just looked cute. It was a Saturday which meant nothing to do until nightfall. Leaning back in his chair he let out a groan of boredom as he wondered what to do with his life. Sure he could go train, but did he want to? No.

Turning his head to look out the window, he sighed again as Sol burned herself brightly for everyone to enjoy. He could hear the distant voices of other students outside, talking about the new movie they were going to see or some party that was sure to be a rager. All signs of classes and fatigue were forgotten.

Hearing a strange bark followed by someone shushing the bark. Deciding against his better judgment to ignore it, assuming someone had snuck their dog into the dorms again, he sat up and went back to playing with the cowbell. Lost in distant thoughts of stars and a black-haired boy among them, outshining them all.

No longer feeling the time passing, he turned on his stereo, soft beats and rhythms now filling the air. Hearing the soft click of the door unlocking, the barking was closer. Narrowing his eyes, he had the sneaking suspicion that his roommate was doing something stupid again.

“JOOHEON- CLOSE TH-FUCK.” Hearing Changkyun shouting he jumped out of his chair and ran to the door. Swinging it open he was met with the sight of the younger struggling with a hyperactive grey and white husky.

“You. Did. Fucking. Not.” Letting himself turn serious, (and a mix of disappointment and pride, but he wouldn’t tell him that), Jooheon was truly clueless as to what to do.

“I made a bet with Minhyuk and Kihyun that I couldn’t dog-nap the president's dog, so here I am.” Changkyun stated simply with a smile that brightened his whole face (a shit eating grin really). As stupid, idiotic, and ridiculous as the whole situation was, Jooheon couldn’t help but find himself smiling at the younger.

Dog-napping for a bet did have a certain charm. Allowing himself to laugh, he let Changkyun release the dog into the room with a triumphant yell, along with throwing his arms into the air. Checking the hallway, Jooheon closed the door slowly before turning around to face the younger. Seeing Changkyun taking selfies with the dog, he wasn’t entirely surprised, he felt more soft than anything.

“Take that fuckers.” Changkyun whispered as he sent the pictures and began playing with the dog after closing the blinds. Maybe this is what falling in love felt like. With the smile never leaving his face, he joined the younger on the floor as the dog knocked the cowbell off his desk.

Deep in sleep, Changkyun was nowhere near his typical dreamscape, instead he stood in the rain. In front of him laid six jet black caskets, all given military honors. The rain reflected his emotions, as if he had just lost something dear to him. Looking up from the caskets, he took in the appearances of everyone around him. They were nothing but black and staticy figures, all except a girl that now passed behind everyone.

Dropping his umbrella into the mud, Changkyun began chasing after the girl only to trip and fall into a casket of his own. Slamming his fists into the silk-lined pillow and bed of the casket, he let out a roar of frustration as the walls began closing in. He was totally helpless and he hated it.

On his way back to the dorms from practice and training, Jooheon was slammed into the ground, feeling his pulse racing through his veins and directly to his head. He kicked back against the mutant currently attacking him, he watched with a sense of pride as it flew a few feet back and hit a tree. Taking a closer look at what had suddenly attacked him he realized it looked a little too much like the Beast.

Curiosity piqued, he looked at it with a tilt of his head and narrowed eyes. Maybe this whole beast thing was bigger than they all knew. As a consequence of his short-lived brainstorming session, Jooheon found himself falling through the door of a run down (and probably condemned) building.

Standing up, he brushed the dust off his body nonchalantly. Jumping a couple times to warm himself up, he opened the now broken door and stepped through before taking his weapon from his back. With a quick flick of his arm, the weapon had activated and expanded to its full length. Throwing it at the mutant, he felt a sense of pride that he had successfully locked the mutant down by its neck.

Walking closer to inspect it, it had begun to retaliate against Jooheon. Flailing it’s limbs and letting out screeches of horror that could make someone’s ears bleed. The screeches had begun to turn almost demonic before they suddenly stopped. Bending down, he encased the mutant in ice as he checked for a pulse. Nothing.

“What happened?” He whispered into the wind, as the body turned to dust and disappeared before his eyes.

Arriving back at the dorms knowing he looked like a hot mess, Jooheon sighed deeply wondering what sexual comment Changkyun was going to make this time. Resting his head against the door, he unlocked the door and swung it open lazily.

Not bothering to take off his shoes, he kicked the door shut before walking to his bed and letting himself fall.

“Well you look like a hot mess,” Called it, “You good though?”

Turning his head to look at Changkyun, he took in another deep breath wondering where this conversation was going. “Yeah just a rough and long night is all, I can sleep it off.”

“Must’ve been some bomb sex.” Changkyun stated, covering his mouth as he let out a soft laugh. Feeling his heart soften at the sight, Jooheon felt a smile creeping onto his face as he fell a tiny bit more for the mystery that was Im Changkyun.

“Yeah, it really was.” He laughed back, letting his soft chuckles rake through his body he began wondering if Changkyun held the moon. Or maybe he was the moon. He had wanted to tell the younger who he really was, but he still couldn’t risk it. Feeling his smile fall, he rolled over and faced the wall before fading off into sleep.

It had been a couple days since Jooheon came back looking roughed up, more than usual at least. Covering his yawn, he looked at the clock on his desk. Three a.m, Jooheon should have been back hours ago. He was never held up past midnight, neither of them were.

With worry washing over his body, he went to his safe and took out his combat gear getting ready just incase. Leaving the room unlocked in a hurry, he took the stairs two at a time not wanting to waste precious seconds.

Once outside he ran to his bike, attempting to contact the others hoping one was at the hideout. Much to his disappointment, no one had answered which left it up to him. If Jooheon was in danger, he had to know.

Making it to the hideout in record time, Changkyun logged himself into Minhyuk’s computers and began searching the city’s cameras and traffic lights looking for any sign of Jooheon. The neon green text flashed across his face showing various combinations of street and camera codes. Finally finding what he wanted, he marked down the location and left with one of Minhyuk’s laptops.

Arriving to the camera’s line of vision he began scanning the area not finding anything. Pulling out the laptop, he started checking other cameras in a panic. A number began flashing across the screen and several cameras. “4155012x,” He whispered, “What does that mean?” Hearing a scream followed by a crash, he put the laptop away and began running in the direction of the noise.

Turning a corner as he ran, he saw the flash of a white trench coat across his vision. The person in the coat suffered another hit, this time into the ground creating a small crater. Unsure why, Changkyun felt angry, as if someone close to him was the one being attacked instead of a total stranger.

Once Changkyun had the mutant down for good, he watched in silence as its black griffon- like body faded to ash, the white armor from its face remaining. Turning to the body dressed in white, he faced a fear he didn’t realize he had. Jooheon was X. Picking the older up, Changkyun threw him over his shoulders fireman style as walked back towards his bike.

Jooheon made no movements or sounds as the younger carried him, or even has he drove to the hospital. “I’m taking you to Hoseok, he can fix you up, better than ever.” Changkyun whispered, more to reassure himself than Jooheon who was fading in and out.

“Stay with me buddy come on, you can do it.”

Jooheon heard a dark and somewhat mystical voice speaking softly to him. He felt weak, it was something he had never felt before. Helplessness? Despair? “Yeah despair, that’s the word. Goodnight.” Letting the darkness engulf him, Jooheon felt like his body was both falling and floating at the same time. “It’s like I’m riding myself through space.” He slurred, letting his head loll to the side.

Hearing confusion in the dark voice that surrounded him, he liked that voice. It wasn’t even a voice, it was home. Home was calling for him.

Running through the darkness that was slowly eating away at his body, Jooheon screamed for help. Tears started pricking his eyes as he called for Changkyun. Changkyun would always help Jooheon, he promised. In the distance behind him, Jooheon spotted a wolf with burning red eyes getting closer to him.

Making eye contact with the animal, a voice in his head resonated out the words “You can run, but you can’t hide.” Feeling fear sink deep into his heart , he got up and began running again. Finally reaching some sort of shore, He began to claw himself out of the darkness, only to find himself falling again.

A part of him gave up on Changkyun saving him, Jooheon felt his body jerk to a stop making him scream out in pain. Something or someone was holding his wrist to stop his fall. Looking up his eyes connected with Changkyun’s star-filled ones. Only the stars were fading, leaving the darkness of the void Jooheon was caught in.

“Did you really think I’d help you? That’d I’d stop your fall and demise? Or maybe you believed in the fairy tale of opposites attracting.” As soon as the younger finished speaking, the light from his eyes had vanished, and so had he; leaving Jooheon to fall once more. As he was falling the last thing he saw was Changkyun’s eyes burn a bright red, the color expanded like a lens flare from a camera.

Waking up with a scream Jooheon found himself in some sort of infirmary in a hideout. Or maybe it was actually the hospital. Looking around the room he was met with blinding whites, for once he hated his own color. Everything smelled disinfected and disgusting. Hospital, definitely hospital.

Feeling around his bed until he found a button, he took his chances and pressed it. Within minutes a doctor with pastel pink hair was walking into his room, clipboard in hand. As well as his weapon. Sizing up the doctor, Jooheon was debating if it was worth trying to fight his way out. He didn’t want to be medicated, he didn’t need to rest. He needed to defeat the beast.

The doctor began walking in Jooheon’s direction after kicking the door closed, eyes never leaving his. They watched each other carefully, it was almost as if the doctor recognized him somehow. Glancing at his identification badge, Jooheon whispered the letters CHW.

Sitting himself up, Jooheon propped his body up on his elbows, glaring at the doctor. Those initials seemed too familiar.

“Lee Jooheon, aka X, or as Minhyuk likes to call you, Ice Dude.” The doctor smiled softly at him, his features softening as if they were friends or perhaps lovers.

“Do I know you? And why are you looking at me like that?”

CHW sat in the chair next to his bed, crossing his legs and setting his clipboard on top. Looking at the clipboard, it held all the information on Jooheon. Far more than what any doctor should have. Information on his friends, family, Changkyun, his powers.

“We have a lot to discuss Mr. Lee. Let’s start with the failed experiment of your family, code 4155012x, also known as The Beast. Oh and we contacted Mr. Son Hyunwoo, we’re all officially colleges under the guise of The Code. Welcome to the both of you, now, shall we begin?” Hyungwon finished with a bright frog-like smile.

Changkyun knew taking Jooheon to Hyungwon was a risk, but he couldn’t take him back to the hideout. What if he found out Changkyun was Lupus? He couldn’t have that. If Jooheon was injured beyond recovery he could get Hyungwon to turn back time, he could be there to help him like he should have been this time. But he wasn’t.

Jooheon was hurting all because Changkyun was afraid of him finding out. A part of him wished that Jooheon had trusted him with the information on the beast, they could have worked together. But instead the elder was now in a coma while Changkyun sat outside his door.

He knew how it all went. Jooheon woke up screaming with severe injuries. Hyungwon explained everything to him while putting him under. It was bittersweet, now Jooheon knew, but would he remember? Pulling his legs closer into himself, settling his head on his knees, he allowed his tears to fall.

Drifting off to sleep in the hallway, Changkyun made no protests when he felt someone familiar pick him up. Muscled arms pulled his frame close, forcing him to wrap his arms around the other’s neck.

“Hoseokkie, thank you for employing Hyungwon and putting up with my dumb ass.”

“Go back to sleep Changkyun.” Before he could even hear the end of the sentence, Changkyun was drifting off to sleep knowing he was protected. Hoseok may not have any abilities or powers, but his hospital was a safe haven for the freaks of nature that had these powers.

He and Kihyun ran the hospital together until Kihyun resumed school. That’s where Hyungwon came in, between his watch, Kihyun’s powers, and Hoseok’s skills. Not a single life was lost here.

Waking up in a daze, Changkyun found himself on an old and matted pure white mattress in the middle of an old processing plant. Scanning his surroundings, he spotted a girl with long black hair peering over an edge on the next floor looking down at him. Jumping to his feet, he began chasing after the girl, ignoring any signs of exhaustion were now gone. As he ran up the stairs two at a time, a feeling of familiarity washed over him.

Once he reached the top of the stairs, the girl was turning a corner down a hallway. Cautiously following her, Changkyun couldn’t help feeling like something was off. Racing to catch up to her, he rounded the corner only to be met with the sight of her silhouette at the other end of the blue and red lit hallway. Stopping in his tracks, the girl’s eyes began to glow red, the light flaring out as if it was some sort of camera glare.

Taking in her full appearance, he realized the girl was wearing the same school uniform Hyejoo had on when she disappeared. Taking a small and cautious step forward, he watched as she took a step back. It was almost like she didn’t want to be found, but yet here she was. As soon as the red light faded, she began running. Changkyun started going after her shouting her name down the empty hallways only to be met with the sound of his own voice and fast footsteps.

By the time Changkyun had caught up, the two were standing on a helipad. Hyejoo’s clothes had changed into a black skirt and white button down, along with torn leggings and black boots with a short heel. Almost as if she had just gotten out of a fight. Walking towards her slowly, she turned to look at him, face blurred out. Once she began to speak, Changkyun woke into a cold sweat, heart beating fast.

“I see you’re taking on missions again.” Changkyun stated, staring Jooheon into the ground through his visor. “I have half a mind to put you back you know that? We both know I could easily overpower you. Don’t think I haven’t noticed the twink letting you sit in on our training.” Seeing Jooheon shrink away, a part of him felt bad, but he also knew Jooheon needed the rest.

The older had been discharged less than a week ago and yet here he was. Leaving ice around the city as if there was no issues. Taking one last look at Jooheon, he picked up the thief and tossed him over his shoulder. “You can take care of his bow.” Changkyun muttered before turning away.

Once Changkyun had dropped the perp off at the police station, he drove to the hideout, heart set on working out his anger. What the hell had Jooheon been thinking? The whole team knew he needed rest but yet he was out on the field. What fucking idiots. Whatever missions Jooheon was taking on, Minhyuk or Changkyun could handle it, they all knew this. But still they allowed Jooheon onto missions without help.

A part of him had wanted to yell and scream at Jooheon, at the whole team. But he had held back, he couldn’t do that to the others. Even if he had wanted to, there was no way he could hurt Jooheon. Until he could come up with a good enough reason for Jooheon to stay off missions, he was simply going to focus on school and his own missions. It didn’t matter if they were roommates, if Jooheon was going to stop caring about himself, then Changkyun would too.

Turning his heart to stone (ice would remind him too much of Jooheon), Changkyun locked everyone out, not caring if it would bring his own self destruction.

After a few days of Changkyun ignoring him, Jooheon couldn’t take it anymore. He knew the younger was mad at him, but he couldn’t help it. If he wasn’t out on missions he felt useless no matter what he did, even if the rest gave him the chance to get ahead on homework.

Walking through the halls of the university, Jooheon spotted Minhyuk and Kihyun desperately attempting to get Changkyun’s attention with no avail. The youngest sat on the floor reading a book with his headphones on. He looked calm and blissful like that. Feeling himself fall deeper into the black hole that was Changkyun, Jooheon walked up to the trio.

Kicking Changkyun’s foot softly, he was met with a glare from the younger as he pulled off his headphones. “What do you guys want.” Jooheon felt himself shrink in front of the younger again. That wasn’t a question, it was a statement. Changkyun truly wanted to be alone.

Looking over to Minhyuk who met his eyes, a heavy silence sat on top of the four. “Can we talk? Please?” Jooheon whispered looking away from Minhyuk as he let his head drop in defeat. He already knew the answer. Changkyun had only been like this once before, back when they had found out they were roommates. It was understandable then, Jooheon had basically rejected him. But now, He had no idea what he did wrong.

Whispering a soft “Sorry.” Jooheon clutched onto his bag’s shoulder straps tight and walked away. Deciding just to go back to the hideout for some solitude, he was unsure what to feel with Changkyun closing off once more. He had been so ready to admit his crush on the younger until the silence had become deafening.

Arriving back at the dorm, some hours after driving around without purpose (aside from burning gas and killing the environment), Changkyun was relieved to find Jooheon missing. Dropping his bag on his bed, he sat down next to the discarded item. Releasing a sigh he didn’t realize he was holding, he reached over to the cord for his fairy lights and plugged them in.

Laying back on the mattress, he could feel every knot in his spine cracking and releasing after a long day of almost nothing, not including classes. Closing his eyes, Changkyun let his mind empty as he took a deep breath, constellations appearing before his closed eyelids. The stars dance and twinkled, holding something in them that he couldn’t recognize. What that would hold, he couldn’t tell.

He was curious and willing to admit that, but he also didn’t want anything to do with the strange stars. Some of them burned black, others burned white while one entered it’s supernova phase and exploded into a black hole. Feeling uneasy, Changkyun sat up and clutched his chest. Opening his eyes, he willed his heartbeat and breathing to slow.

Stars burned yellows, reds, and oranges. Only in its last cycle would a star burn white, but why would one burn black? It didn’t make sense. Black holes only brought despair and helplessness. What were the stars trying to tell him?

Zoning out, he could hear the heavy rainfall outside making its presence known against the windows.

It was late into the night by the time Jooheon had gotten back to the dorms, with it being close to two in the morning he knew there was the fifty-fifty of Changkyun either being awake or dead asleep. Hoping for the latter, he opened the door quietly wincing when he saw that Changkyun had his lights plugged in signaling he was awake.

Sighing inwardly, Jooheon put on a brave and unbothered mask, as if he wasn’t disappointed that Changkyun was awake. Kicking his shoes on and putting them next to his closet space, he silently hoped that the other had mistakenly fallen asleep at his desk again, leaving the lights in.

Taking a deep breath, he walked towards his bed, tossing his backpack to the side as if nothing was wrong. Completely ignoring the younger, Jooheon simply went about his nightly routine as if he wasn’t there and watching his every move like a wolf.

“So.” He heard Changkyun say as if he was disappointed, or possibly upset about something.

“Yeah?" Jooheon responded, still refusing to face the younger despite his growing curiosity. Stripping himself of his daily clothes and putting on his pyjamas, he could feel Changkyun’s glare on his back.

“How’re your missions going?” Oh?

“Fine I guess, nothing big yet. I haven’t felt the Beast lately so there’s that I guess. At least there’s nothing going on tonight if that means anything. Maybe things are settling down you know?” Scolding himself internally for saying more than a sentence to Changkyun, he couldn’t tell if the younger was actually curious, or getting ready to bitch him out.

“I really can help you, you do know that right? You don’t have to have some sort of redemption arc like a shitty anime. You really shouldn’t even be in the field, you should be resting. The Beast could have killed you that night, but it didn’t. Doesn’t that scare you? At all?” Changkyun sounded both concerned and upset, it was odd to say the least. “I have a lot of anger to let out, but I’m restraining myself more than you know.” He sounded disappointed now, like he wanted to unleash that rage onto Jooheon but couldn’t for some reason.

Simply humming in response, Jooheon climbed into his bed before breaking out his laptop to watch some random anime or drama. He couldn’t preticulary care at the moment. He wanted Changkyun to do something, he knew the younger was angry at him but yet he couldn’t release it. Maybe it was because it was so late at night, maybe there was something else behind it.

Seeing the lights turn off, he took that as the signal for Changkyun going to bed. Sighing in relief, Jooheon stared at his laptop screen as images flashed across it, never really catching his attention.

After a night of hardly speaking, Changkyun woke up with both a black hole and a fire in his heart. Jooheon acted like he didn’t care about his own life and well being, much less the people around him. One of those people being Changkyun himself.

By the time they went through classes, Jooheon hadn’t said a single word to him and his anger was at its breaking point. Slamming the door closed when he returned to the dorms, he found Jooheon sitting calmly at his desk with music radiating through the room through soft beats.

“You really wanna know something Jooheon? Now I’m really pissed, you simply brush me aside after I offer you help and express my concerns when I didn’t have to. I know I probably sound like a selfish prick, but really I kinda am. You’re out here risking yourself to defeat the Beast when we didn’t even know where it came from or why. You’re always risking yourself and not thinking about what the people around you have to say or what they feel. I’m one of those people you know, I’m tired of sitting on the sidelines as you destroy yourself.” Waving his hands around in anger, he was just short of yelling at the older who still wore a blank expression as he stared at Changkyun with hazed eyes.

“Are you fucking stoned right now?” Not a single part of Changkyun could believe Jooheon right now. Since when did he start smoking? Much less without him? By the looks of Jooheon’s face, he was just going to take everything Changkyun was saying and throw it aside. As if his words and he never mattered.

“Your local space gay, me, starts the day, saves it, and ends it. Be thankful prick. And what are you anyway? Are you like fucking Elsa from Disney’s hit movie Frozen from 2013? Are you gonna sing me to death? Are you gonna Let It Go? Are you gonna-” Unleashing his full fury at the smoked out Jooheon, he could feel his eyes burning red as Jooheon punched him.

Getting ready to fight back, Changkyun found himself encased in ice watching Jooheon grab his backpack and shoes as he left.

Despite the two working things out like Jooheon forced (ended was more like it), Changkyun still avoided the other as much as he could. Both in the dorms and in the field. He wasn’t going to standby and watch as Jooheon destroyed himself little by little letting this investigation and hunt get the best of him.

Tapping his foot along to the beat of his music, Changkyun finished up the last of his homework before stretching out. Letting his muscles relax, he released the breath he was holding. Allowing his head to fall back he closed his eyes and enjoyed the soft beats of some early 90’s pop rock song he couldn’t name at the moment.

Pulling his limbs back towards himself, he stood up and cracked his neck and back. Groaning, he walked to his bed and dropped himself on top. It was a successful day, his homework was done early, a professor was too hungover to come to class, a fire alarm went off in his second class and ended it, and he had managed to avoid everyone he knew all day.

The sun had finally begun to set as dinner thoughts began going through his mind. Maybe he would order something nice for once instead of cup noodles. Sushi. That’s what he’d get, yeah that sounded perfect. Sushi, a solid horror movie, and a face mask to destress and relax. “Thank fuck for Fridays.” He whispered as he smiled into his pillow and curled up into himself.

Losing himself in his thoughts and now tuned-out music, he let himself drift. Just when he felt his stress melting away into nothing, the door was unlocked and opened. Rolling onto his back and laying down a leg, he covered his face with a pillow now hearing the music he once had tuned out. He had never thought that Jooheon coming back would ruin a night, but it did.

Taking off his headphones he tossed them onto his desk with a small clatter. Sighing softly he stood up and looked for socially acceptable pants before putting in an order for sushi online. Hearing a soft “Hey” as he finally found a cleanish pair, he responded with a questioning hum.

“I have a question for you.” Jooheon stated, still in a soft tone. Jumping a little to get into his skinny jeans, Changkyun turned and looked at the older. He was looking at the ground like he was ashamed of something, and he still wore his combat outfit minus the scarf and weapon.

“You know, you have balls walking around in that thing knowing people could recognize you. Anyway, question, shoot.” Changkyun responded flatly with an uninterested tone a he pulled on a pair of partially destroyed converse.

“Well uh,” Glancing at Jooheon once more (who still stood in the doorway looking nervous), he noticed the other was playing with his hands as if he was scared. “You of all people know that I’m not exactly in the best position to be back in the field and fighting-”

“But yet you are.” He cut him off, not caring about disrespect. If Jooheon could ignore Changkyun’s well justified worries and fears, then he could put up with the tiniest amount of disrespect.

“Would you be able to help me with the Beast investigation?” Looking at the older in false shock, Changkyun mustered up the most sarcastic voice he could.

“Wow, the great Lee Jooheon aka X, aka Ice Dude, aka Prince Elsa, asking for help? Who died and replaced you.” Bringing out his more dramatic self, he covered his eyes and pretended to sob as he got down on one knee.

“Oh dearest Lee Jooheon please come back to me, I know I was ever so rude but please. An imposter now stands in thou’s place, someone who simply does not belong in this court of heroism and utmost honor! Our Ice Prince is missing, someone please alert the watch! Inform the council, we must set out search parties at once! He must have been kidnapped! Yes! That must simply be it! Our Jooheon would never run off alone! He is in danger!”

Finishing his act, Changkyun slipped on his other shoe and tied it quickly before standing up and grabbing his phone. “But seriously, who are you and what did you do with Jooheon. The Jooheon I know breaks my heart and works alone.” Stuffing his phone in his pocket, he grabbed his keys and wallet, opting out of his helmet and jacket.

“Have fun looking for someone who can actually help. That’s like me actually finding my sister.” Chuckling to himself, he walked out the door and slammed it shut.

After hours of arguing and fighting the two had somehow resolved everything, it became hard for Changkyun to remember why he was angry. Fuck he was whipped. Jooheon had revealed that he felt the Beast was his responsibility despite not really knowing why, and because of that he was taking on missions to get stronger wanting to shoulder the responsibility alone.

Changkyun was having none of it. The argument had ended in tears from both as well as an unexpected kiss that had felt all too right. After spending the night together, he awoke to the sight of a shirtless Jooheon in his bed. It was a sight that he could get used to.

Nuzzling the older awake for classes, Changkyun kissed his neck and jaw softly whispering sweet nothings into his ear. Eventually he had given up, opting for just dragging the other into the shower and waking him up that way. Instead of getting a lovey dovey Jooheon, he had gotten a salty and tired Jooheon, either way Changkyun was happy.

Going through their daily routine of classes, Changkyun noticed Jooheon began looking uneasy at one point, something had to be coming. Sure enough at the end of the day Jooheon had admitted he felt another Beast attack coming, but this time instead of being unnaturally cold, Jooheon had wanted to throw up and rip off his clothes as if his body was burning.

He could feel Jooheon’s grip tightening around his waist as Changkyun drove them into the storm. “Don’t be scared Heony, I’m not gonna hurt you, and I won’t let the Beast hurt you.” Feeling Jooheon nod into his back, Changkyun let a smile slip onto his face.

By the time they had arrived, he Beast was ravishing and destroying both everyone, and everything. With a quick phone call, the others were on their way to the fight. It would be a first to have the whole team fighting together, with the obvious exception of Hoseok and Hyunwoo.

Minhyuk had just taken a heavy hit and flew right into Changkyun. The cracking of bone was anything but a lovely sound, but they had to do this. The majority of the city had been evacuated thanks to Hyunwoo and Hoseok, others proclaimed that they’d never listen to a bunch of rag-tag teenagers and their crazy ideas. Serves them right if you asked Changkyun.

Dropping Minhyuk from his arms, he ran at the beast feeling the air flow through his hair. Jumping off one of Jooheon’s stalagmites, he focused the darkness both around him, and in him, into his fist. Hitting the Beast square in the chest, it stumbled a couple feet back as Changkyun fell back to the Earth.

Nighttime was quickly beginning to fall upon the fight. Hyungwon was trying to amplify him. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Jooheon near the Beast’s feet attempting to slow him down. Looking behind him, Minhyuk was standing up in Kihyun’s pale aura that was currently healing the older of the two. Running towards them as fast as he could, Changkyun was jumping over the rubble of the fight when he heard a roar.

“No.” He whispered, knowing what it meant. It was something Jooheon had mentioned before, that the beast could summon lightning storms as it pleased.

A blinding lightning bolt struck the ground where Minhyuk and Kihyun had stood. Hearing their screams, Changkyun screamed out for them. Again he was too late, always a little too late.

Growling, he could feel the stars taking over his body, ready to unleash a celestial rage against the Beast that had just killed two of his friends. Scratch that, the Beast that had just killed his family. Hearing Hyungwon yelling at him to stop, he could feel the constellations ripping through his body, supernovas imploding and creating new stars. Purely to fuel his rage.

He could still hear Hyungwon yelling at him to stop and calm down, that they could fix this. They always could. A new voice rang through his ears. Jooheon yelling now or never at him. Allowing himself to be consumed, stars fell from his eyes as the Beast let out another roar. Darkness began surrounding it, the five story Beast was almost completely cloaked in the dark, snuffing out the stars.

Hearing glass shatter as another bolt struck the ground, he knew Hyungwon was gone. It was just him and Jooheon. The faces of now deceased family flashed in front of his eyes. Hoseok. Hyunwoo. Minhyuk. Kihyun. Hyungwon. All of them, gone and dead.

Taking his time, Changkyun let the stars swirl around him as he screamed at the sky letting out his rage. He knew Jooheon was looking at him in horror. This was the older brother of the monster who destroyed an entire town after all. He could feel himself being lifted off the ground as he accepted the night sky into his body.

A cloud of dark matter surrounded him as he forced himself back to the ground, walking towards the Beast. It was finally breaking free of Jooheon’s ice. The Beast threw it’s fists to the building Jooheon was in with a silent roar, as if it was taking in a deep breath. Racing towards the building Changkyun could see Jooheon’s unconscious body falling towards the ground, and fast.

By the time he reached Jooheon, there was no sign of a pulse. Cradling him close, he looked into Jooheon’s now lifeless and blown out eyes. It was almost as if they had burned out. His pupils were unnaturally big and the rest of his body was slack.

Letting the anger wash over his body, Changkyun let out a roar and feels the air around him get hot and heavy. Letting his vision darken, he raised his hand summoning Lupus. “Meet wolfie bitch.” He muttered before charging at the beast with the wolf at his side. No longer in control he let the constellation wreck havoc on the beast.

Every cell of his being screamed for Jooheon but he was gone now, his crew? Gone. Hell, even Jooheon’s crew was gone. They had all lost their lives trying to kill this damned thing and it was about time he let loose. He just needed his sister first.

Picking up Jooheon’s lifeless body, he carried the older back to his motorcycle before climbing on. Sitting Jooheon in front of him, Changkyun pulled on his helmet before looking back at the beast once more. Tears pricked at his eyes as his wolf dealt damage to the beast. Starting up the engine, he pulled Jooheon as close as he could, nuzzling into his neck, no longer feeling a pulse.

“I’m sorry Heony.” He whispered as he revved the engine. Turning the motorcycle around to face the beast, Changkyun drove towards it. Hearing the wolf howl and cry as it went to town, he called it off watching it fade back into stars. “I’ll be back for you guys.” Changkyun whispered to his lost family.

After driving for a few hours (and most likely getting weird looks), Changkyun found himself standing in front of Jooheon’s family house. Getting off the bike, he took Jooheon into his arms bridal style. Walking the path that led to the house, he didn’t know what to feel. Sad? Angry? Denial? He couldn’t choose. Death happened to everyone, but why him and why now? When everyone needed him most? When Changkyun needed him most.

Knocking on the door, he wasn’t expecting anyone to answer, it was close to four in the morning after all. The only people awake were either coming back from a party, or students who had spent the whole night studying or gaming. To his surprise, Jooheon’s mother had answered the door. She had gasped in surprise, most likely not knowing just what exactly her son got up to at night.

“Please, come in.” She whispered, tears evident in her eyes. Nodding, Changkyun walked in being careful not to make too much noise. “Wh-what happened? Why is he dressed like that ice hero?” Understanding that the woman was in shock, he laid Jooheon on the couch before removing the older’s scarf and hood.

Sitting on the floor in front of the couch, Changkyun leaned his head back as he held the tears at bay. He could do this. Taking off his helmet, he rested it beside him and pulled his knees close. “Changkyun. Please.” He heard a whisper. However, it wasn’t the voice he had wanted to hear.

“It’s my fault Mrs. Lee, I wasn’t strong enough and too afraid of myself. I couldn’t protect him.” Finally letting the tears fall, he felt a pair of arms around him. “It's okay sweetie, I still have one son left. We can make it through.” He could feel the gentle sobbing of the woman, holding her close he allowed himself to cry as he sank into her touch.

“Stay tonight, and please rest.” Mrs. Lee whispered, looking towards the ground as she wiped her eyes.

“I can’t, I need to get back and figure out how I’m going to end all of this. No one else needs to die.”

“I wasn’t asking Changkyun, you can sleep in the guest bedroom or in Jooheon’s.” He watched in silence as the woman stood up and walked upstairs, clearly avoiding the sight of her only, and now deceased, son. He knew she didn’t react much, he didn’t either, maybe they were both denying everything. Wishing it was all a nightmare. If it was, at least then he could blame the stars.

Standing up, he kicked his helmet across the room in a short burst of rage. Rubbing the aches from his legs, he pulled out his phone and checked the time. Five fourteen in the morning. He stood wordless over Jooheon before taking off his weapon pack.

Throwing the dual pronged weapon to the floor, it made a noise making it clear that Changkyun had scratched the floor. Next, he tossed the backpack on top of it, vowing to destroy both. Sitting up the now pale and blue body, he removed the trench coat and allowed it to fall to the wooden floors.

Squatting down, Changkyun began to unlace the combat boots. He always found it funny how the two of them had matching boots, just in different colors. Adding them to the pile, he moved to pull off the scarf. Folding it neatly, he decided to keep it safe, either for himself or for Mrs. Lee. Placing it gently on a side table, he started taking off Jooheon’s broken chest guard. He never knew what the blue lights, that no longer shined, were for. Probably just to look cool. It seemed like something Jooheon would do after all.

Feeling himself tear up once again, Changkyun began wishing he was stronger or just more apathetic. At least then he wouldn’t be tearing up every ten minutes. Dropping the broken chest guard, he was met with the sight of the hole where Jooheon’s heart should be. Feeling his empty stomach swell, he ran to the bathroom and threw up stomach acid and water.

When was the last time he had eaten? At least two days ago now. “No wonder I couldn’t protect him, I’m a fucking mess.” Flushing the toilet, Changkyun dragged himself to the sink, cleaning his mouth and hands. Staring at himself, he found his own eyes now lifeless and dull, almost like he had died along with Jooheon. “Fuckin should have.” He responded to his own thoughts.

Closing the bathroom door behind him, Changkyun stared at the ground as he felt another breakdown coming on. The silence screamed that Jooheon was gone. All he was living for now was to kill that damned beast. There was nothing else.

Making his way back to the living room, he sat on the floor once again, this time resting his arms on Jooheon’s legs. “The stars were always so pale next to your eyes, even when I pissed you off, they challenged Sol herself. I can’t tell if this is my death, or my rebirth. Please wait for me.”

Wiping away his tears, Changkyun picked up Jooheon, who was now in a t-shirt and his thick combat pants, and carried him back to his room. Mindlessly talking to Jooheon in a small and toneless voice, he felt himself losing his soul. He was unsure of when it happened, but the older had become his Sol. Someone he needed to survive, and now he was gone.

Gently kicking open Jooheon’s door, he walked towards the bed setting down the older before pulling up the sheets. Pulling them over Jooheon, Changkyun began undressing. Staring at his scars, he wondered when it had become like this. No one told them use their powers, no one told them to stand out. They just, did. They asked for this life, no one forced them. “We were idiots weren't we?” He whispered to no one particular.

Getting under the covers, he pulled Jooheon close like he had so many times before. Nuzzling into the icy neck, he his tears fall once more until he finally drifted off.

The next morning, Changkyun woke to Jooheon’s still body. The older was paler now and his lips were beginning to tint blue. He looked like a fallen angel like this. Dressed in white, platinum hair laid flat against the pillow. Pulling himself close to Jooheon again, he could feel himself beginning to accept that Jooheon was in fact, gone.

“It feels like a dream you know? Your pale skin, closed eyes, lips turning blue. It’s hauntingly unnatural, almost like a dream.” Pausing to take a breath, he brushed some of the hair off Jooheon’s forehead. “You got me, and I had you, things that we got never flew. Please wake me up from this dream. After losing you, my entire body, and my illusions made by my folly. Let me call you once more even if it’s a fantasy, you were always my dream.”

Kissing Jooheon’s cheek, he allowed himself to linger, lost in thought. Thoughts of what could have been, no, what should have been, raced through his mind. Endless stars and galaxies filled his vision as the thoughts continued to haunt him.

“Maybe in another lifetime, another timeline, or even another universe, we could have made it. Just you and I. Goodnight my solstice.” Getting out of the bed and facing the cold and frigid air, Changkyun could feel the stillness of the atmosphere all around him. Making the bed, he tucked in Jooheon making it seem like the other was simply sleeping.

Walking backwards to the door, a new determination set in him. He had to defeat the beast. Running downstairs, Changkyun left a note for Mrs. Lee on the coffee table in the living room saying not to look for him and that’d he’d be putting an end to all of this.

Picking up his discarded helmet, he left it next to the note along with the pen. Gently placing Jooheon’s folded uniform onto the table, he picked the trench coat out of the pile before putting it on. Putting his boots on and lacing them up, Changkyun kicked the weapon up into his hand. Hearing Mrs. Lee beginning to stir upstairs, no doubt waking up to the sound of metal clanging, he walked out the door closing it as quietly as possible.

Once on the highway, Changkyun pulled up the map to Hyejoo’s hideaway. Jooheon’s weapon was now attached to his back and the white trench coat felt odd against his typical all black aesthetic. He felt like a timebomb as he raced and weaved through traffic. There was no doubt that there would be another Beast attack soon, and with civilians still in the city he had to work fast.

Stopping by their old house, he ran in like a maniac greeting his father quickly before running to Hyejoo’s room. Swinging the door open as he gasped for breath, he walked to her wardrobe and began ripping through her clothes looking for the ones he had seen in his dream.

Once he found them, he took off his backpack and shoved them in along with a few other things for her. If she was going to live off the grid she needed to take care of herself still.

The once untouched room was now a mess. Clothes thrown all over the places, drawers remained opened, but Changkyun couldn’t bring himself to care. He could fix his sister’s former room later, the Beast was more important.

Arriving to the abandoned processing plant, Changkyun got off his bike and kicked down the stand before running in. A new fire started inside of him, they were running out of time, perhaps they never had it.

Taking in a deep breath, Changkyun yelled out Hyejoo’s name. Taking deep breaths, he listened to the echoes of his own voice as he began to walk around. Soon enough he ran into the bed he had woken up on in his dream, only now it was covered in red feathers. Allowing his fight or flight to kick in, he broke out into a sprint retracing his steps where he had encountered Hyejoo before.

Once he reached the top, she was nowhere to be seen. Feeling panic set in, he yelled out her name once more, now getting desperate. Leaving the helipad he began searching the rest of the building coming across a parking garage.

After doing quick searches through all of the four floors, Changkyun had finally found her.

“Hyejoo.” He shouted, “I know that you know about the Beast. I’ve already lost too many people to it, others have too. If we worked together we can defeat it, everyone has forgotten about what you did. Some even understood. Please, come with me.” He knew he sounded desperate in his pleas, but that’s exactly what he was. There was no other way around it.

Hyejoo began walking towards him, still in her school uniform but with an oversized bomber jacket now as well. “I’ll help you brother.” she whispered.

Taking off his backpack, Changkyun handed her everything that he had brought. She accepted it with open arms before telling him that she’d meet him at his bike.

Changkyun had been right about his predictions. By the time they arrived back in the city a storm was beginning to stir above the five-story and walking natural disaster of a Beast. Once he got a good look at it, his anger was back in full force. It hadn’t even been 48 hours but yet it was back and ready to take more lives, something he wasn’t going to let happen.

Driving up closer, he felt Hyejoo let go of his waist as she jumped off the bike and summoned her wolf. Ready to scold her for doing something so stupid, he realized the entirety of what they were doing was stupid. Two teenagers taking on a highly deadly beast that wasn’t from this world without aid.

Feeling his wolf come to life he gave it the silent command to attack the Beast. Watching as the midnight body of the wolf attached itself to the beast, Changkyun drove full speed before bailing. Letting his body drop to the solid concrete ground, he felt the air get knocked out of his lungs.

Standing up, he grabbed a rock and threw it at the Beast as if it would inflict some type of damage. Watching his motorcycle explode, he watched in silence as it roared causing another lightning storm, darkness swirling around its body.

Catching up to his sister, both of the wolves were on top of the Beast keeping it distracted. Looking over to Hyejoo, she simply nodded knowing what he was thinking. With a small jump from Hyejoo and a burst of energy from Changkyun, he threw her off of his forearm, launching her at the beast. She landed a kick on it sending it stumbling backwards. The duo was shrouded in darkness, an anger felt by one became an anger felt by two. An anger that would become an unstoppable force. Once they began moving in perfect sync, the darkness around them became filled with stars, unleashing the full force of a constellation that was whole once more.

He had never fought with his sister before, hell he never expected her to come back simply because he said please. It felt natural instead of the static he constantly felt with Jooheon while they battled side by side (or each other for that matter). After all the burning stars and the freezing emptiness of outer space don’t really mix. But they almost did, almost. Fire and ice.

By the time the fight with the Beast was over, it had begun to snow. Almost as if Jooheon was giving his thanks for something that wasn’t his issue alone in the first place. Just like night and day, the sun must die so the moon can thrive. Only this time the moon wished he was the sun. One truly could not live without the other.

Within a couple days the snow in the middle of September became a worldwide phenomenon, as well as the Beast and the siblings. Changkyun and Hyejoo lead the recovery for all deceased bodies left from the Beast’s attacks. Once feared, they were both now seen as heroes. Truthfully Changkyun was shocked at Hyejoo’s apathy for seeing dead bodies, he expected to be some scarring after she had found her friend.

The funeral had slowly come and gone, all of them did. Changkyun personally recovered all of the bodies of his friends once it was over. A part of him felt that it was all too easy, maybe he didn’t care about them enough. He was emotionless. He couldn’t feel anything after Jooheon, but the others had happened before, so why couldn’t he feel anything?

Speeding down the highway in a daze, he had started to think about his bike’s tires slipping in the rain and causing a fatal accident. It’s not like he would mind anyway, everything was already lost. No matter what he did now, he couldn’t do anything to change the past.

Returning to the dorm, Changkyun removed his midnight black suit, throwing the cloths somewhere around the lifeless and stale room. Pulling out his phone, he opened Spotify and shuffled his library. Tossing the device onto his bed, he dragged himself to his desk feeling the life draining out of him, as if he had any life left to begin with.

Turning on his speaker, he listened to the quiet beeps of the bluetooth connecting to his phone. The beeping reminded him of when he had visited Jooheon in the hospital. Sure he was in a medically induced coma for close to a month, but at least he was alive.

Pulling his sweats off his desk, he used the last of his energy to put them on before sitting down on his bed. Allowing himself to fall back, he was met with the feeling of the plush mattress top. Turning onto his side and pulling himself into a fetal position, he stared at the emptiness of Jooheon’s bed.

Suddenly he felt smaller and emptier, as if he had lost his reason to live once more. That was beginning to happen more often. Turning up the music, he began singing along to the song that currently played through his speakers.

“It’s not the same, something’s changed, I never used to be able to see past the trees. A thousand unfamiliars are lying thick on the air, and I can’t breathe. Is our skin to keep the world out or our bodies in? This doesn’t look like home.” Feeling himself break out into sobs, he rolled over and pulled his pillow close. Sobbing into the pillow he allowed himself to drift off into nightmares of both his own death, and Jooheon’s.

[bigherosixfeels]

Big Roommates REVIEW

SPOILERS BELOW

Well, the US is still waiting for new episodes of the show to come out. A new programming strategy is causing the delay, but the UK are getting these new episodes. It's frustrating, but I do hope this strategy ends up being good for the network.

For those wondering, yes, I do plan on reviewing each episode of the show. I like being able to talk about what happened and voicing some opinions at the end. So let's do this!

The episode begins in the school cafeteria with Fred and Gogo looking at mystery loaf which not only looks disgusting, but it also moves like Jell-O and I'm concerned as to why this is being served at the school. Although, according to Baymax, it won't cause any permanent damage to eat it which is reassuring enough to Fred until he tastes cilantro. 

Meanwhile, Honey Lemon is reloading her chem purse at the table which is worrisome to Hiro, but fun for her since she gets to be around both her best friends and chemistry. Wasabi then rushes to the table in relief to see that Honey Lemon is alive. Apparently she had tried to make instant ice after her roommate made lemonade and she froze up her entire apartment (including her roommate). How...how did Regina get to...nevermind. 

The gang is discussing where Honey Lemon could live for the time being. Fred mentions that Gogo has her own place, but Gogo shoots back mentioning his mansion. It would work out, but his parents insist on doing in-depth three year background checks for overnight guests. Honestly, given how rich they are, I don't blame them for taking precautions like that. Gogo tries to explain to Honey that she wouldn't like her place due to it being in a sketchy neighborhood, but Honey being the optimistic person that she is doesn't think it'll be that bad. Gogo then caves and agrees to letting her stay at her place. Honey is continuing to show her optimism and there's a discussion of whether or not the glass is half-full or half-empty. Wasn't there a Tumblr post explaining how that works? If liquid is added, it's half-full. If liquid is taken out it's half-empty. Something like that?

Everyone is happy to help Honey Lemon move in. Wasabi notes that there's a lot of jaywalkers in the neighborhood. Honey is happy to meet new faces and bedazzle a biker's motorcycle. The biker, who is properly introduced as Felony Carl, loves the glitter because it shows how comfortable he is with his masculinity. It's official. Felony Carl is amazing. 

We're then introduced to Dibbs, a guy that walks proud, but is a terrible thief. He does manage to get a hold of an elderly lady's purse for about a second before instant karma literally hits him in the face and the purse gets back into her possession. He then spots Honey Lemon's chem purse out in the open. Rather than an easy snag, the purse ends up on a taxi and he jumps on the cab and falls off the car before making a run. 

It's now night time and we're at an abandoned warehouse. Wait. Is this the same warehouse from the movie? If so, that's a great callback! Anyway, Dibbs talks to a rat about his (probably only) successful attempt at stealing. He doesn't understand that this isn't a normal purse, but his attempts to open it are cut short due to a couple people coming in. 

We're reintroduced to Alistair Krei and his assistant! I was wondering when we'd be seeing him again. The reasoning for them being in the warehouse is that he's hiding something. A supposed "better version" of Hiro's neurotransmitter. Basically if you wear it, you can control anything linked to it with your mind. The only reason this version is better to him is because it's just different enough so he can't get sued. Congratulations, Krei. You're losing brownie points with me. 

Overhearing that it'll be worth billions, Dibbs successfully steals it for himself. Unfortunately for him, the chem purse gets stuck and chemicals are released onto Dibbs, covering his entire body. He's now what is considered to be a monster. 

It's now the next morning in Gogo's (and now Honey Lemon's) apartment. Honey is settling into the apartment, opening a box that releases an incredible amount of butterflies. They must be so happy to be free. The girls have rather different daily activities. Gogo punching a punching bag interferes with Honey's focus to meditate. Honey adding cute stickers to the fridge and everything inside it irks Gogo. Gogo accidentally destroys some of Honey's flowers. Honey's snoring causes Gogo to not get any sleep. The iconic Oh My God They Were Roommates™ vine is on loop in my head. 

Later on, the gang (minus Fred) are at the cafe and Honey is asking if anyone has seen her chem purse. Gogo immediately believes it was stolen, but Honey doesn't think that's the case. Due to the lack of sleep, Gogo is exhausted and lulled to sleep by Baymax's calm music. The relaxing moment is broken by Fred who excitedly bursts through the door. He's ecstatic over the fact that there's a monster in the city. Nobody else believes this (despite the news report) because monsters aren't real. Of course, Fred won't let the matter drop unless the others check it out. Hiro decides to join Fred on this monster hunt. Meanwhile, the others are headed for Gogo and Honey Lemon's apartment. Baymax proceeds to pick up a sleeping Gogo and cradle her in his arms which is the most wholesome content I think we've gotten so far. Seriously, that was adorable! 

Hiro and Fred are investigating for any clues that a monster has been around. Hiro steps in some chemical goop. Fred gets a sample on his finger and sniffs it up his nose. Ew. Then he (why did he do this) took it out the other nostril and put it on Hiro's face. WHY. Fred then proceeds to sing a song about how he was right about the monster which doesn't amuse Hiro in the slightest. The sound of screams has both of them jumping into actions (well, Fred is still singing, but you get the point). 

Back at the apartment, Gogo has awoken from her nap and there has been no luck with finding Honey's purse. Gogo keeps explaining how is was probably (and it was) stolen, but Honey doesn't want to accept her negative views. The girls begin the argue; Gogo stating it's hard to respect someone who's happy all the time and Honey stating it's hard to understand why she's always so serious and cool. They storm off, but screaming from outside catches everyone's attention. 

The monster is confidently walking in the street and Big Hero 6 is officially in action for the episode! Baymax scans him, stating what we already know, but he does have fragments of Honey's purse within the goop. Honey feels concerned for him, but the mention of a purse has him nervous. His attempt to flee is quickly cut short on two occasions. While he clearly doesn't have the hang of his new abilities, the team doesn't have an easy time against him. 

Hiro and Fred join the fight. Fred comes up with the name Globby for our villain, which doesn't settle well with him. He asks the cliche "Can things get any worse?" and is immediately hit by a bus.

Taking Globby down is on pause for the time being and Honey is upset knowing that she should have been more careful with her stuff. She apologizes numerous times, even after Gogo points out she's doing so too much. Our usual bubbly, cheerful character has hit a rough patch. 

Back inside the apartment, Wasabi is trying to remove goop from his suit while he, Gogo and Fred watch the news. Fred considers naming Globby his legacy. Meanwhile, Hiro is finishing up making Honey a new chem purse, but this doesn't please her. Gogo takes note of her friends’ somber mood and attempts to cheer her up. What she says doesn't get through to Honey and Baymax tries to help with a hug. That also doesn't work and Honey is ready to "face the darkness of reality". 

The gang watches as Honey begins to create a compound that will un-stick the goop from Globby. Honey mentions that her beaker is half-empty, but Gogo argues that it's half-full. The discussion from earlier in the episode has reversed on the characters, leaving them all surprised. 

We cut to Globby at a restaurant with Felony Carl. He mentions that he's having a hard time with his now mutated body (he grabbed a cat instead of a spoon). Felony Carl takes note of the headband that Globby admits he doesn't know how to use it, but seeing a photo of Krei sparks a new idea for him. 

We get a quick shot of Krei Tech (rebuilt and everything!). And what is Krei up to now? Getting a statue of himself made. Of course. During the process of getting his sculpture finished, Globby breaks through the window and takes the statue before realizing his mistake and kidnapping Krei himself. 

Meanwhile, Honey is continuing to make an un-sticky ball. Her negative attitude has yet to fade and Baymax suggests that a pleasant image may help. As he says this, some of Honey's butterflies flutter around Baymax. Gogo considers that a sign, but Honey doesn't want to see it that way. 

Wasabi gets everyone's attention to watch the news which is about what happened to Krei earlier. I'm really glad that we're hearing his assistant talk and getting a feel for her personality. She seems nice and a little funny too. 

Globby has Krei stuck to him as he climbs to the top of a building. He refuses to let him go until he explains how the headband works. Krei tries to get the neurotransmitter back while Bluff Dunder covers the current situation on live TV. Krei explains that all Globby has to do is think for it to work naturally. 

Big Hero 6 comes to his rescue and immediately jumps into action. Bluff Dunder continues his constant updates. Honey offers Globby the chem ball that will help un-stick him. Globby is visibly stressed because all he wants to do is concentrate on thinking. He knows he's been making some bad choices lately and Baymax suggests positive reinforcement. The group looks to Honey who is unsure if she should, but Gogo assures her that her upbeat attitude takes getting used to, but it's good for her. These words finally get through to Honey and the girls share a quick hug before Honey starts to help Globby. Globby doesn't want to accept what she has to say at first because no one has ever believed in him. However, hearing that he can dedicate himself to making the best out of his situation and that he's special because no one else has his abilities inspires him. 

Despite accepting himself as he is, Krei wants his prototype back and his attempt to un-stick Globby almost costs him his life when he slips off the building. Globby manages to use his new abilities to save Krei, earning an awkward thanks from him. Globby thinks all the thanks goes to Honey since she believes in him. He announces that his days of being a purse thief are over, which pleases Honey until he states what he'll be doing now. He's determined to be a super villain, making a sticky escape. The episode ends with him smacking himself into a window. 

Overall, I thought this was a pretty enjoyable episode. There was humor, heart and an interesting origin story for our new super villain. 

I really liked the character development that we got for Honey Lemon. I'm glad that we got to see a side of her that wasn't her usual self. Her negative attitude is a complete 180 for her. I enjoyed that Gogo continuously tried to help her feel better until it actually worked. Despite the differences that they had prior to Honey being sad, Gogo put that aside and was later on able to get through to her. Just...ugh that was amazing. 

Globby is an interesting character. He's pretty comical throughout the episode, so he doesn't strike me to be a major threat for the time being. Of course, I'm sure we'll be seeing him again (If the description for Failure Mode is correct, we'll be seeing him pretty soon too.) I imagine once he learns to get a better hang of his abilities, he'll be more of a challenge. As I said earlier, I like that Globby got a little origin story of how he became Globby and it'll be cool to see him again. I'm glad that there's a good reason for the chemical compound being attached to him.

Speaking of the neurotransmitter, it was nice to see Krei again. I've always been indifferent to his character since the movie and I'm still indifferent now. He's still as money hungry as he was when we were first introduced to him so I'm not entirely surprised he's still like that. I have to admit that I'm disappointed to see that he has created a "better version" of Hiro's neurotransmitter. He wasn't able to accept Hiro's rejected offer and knowing that he's pretty much copied it continues to show his arrogance. I don't feel bad that Globby stole his prototype. Still, I can always appreciate seeing a familiar face and if he ends up building Tadashi Hamada Hall (I really hope that happens in the show), he may earn those brownie points back. 

I loved our side characters from this episode! Felony Carl was such a highlight to this episode. He may be a one-off character (or we might see him again who knows), but he's so great. I'm also glad that we finally heard Krei's assistant talk. I'm sure we'll see more of her because we'll be seeing more of Krei. 

I'm really liking the humor in the show too. There's always just the right amount of it and each joke is played out well. Wasabi had some funny lines. I liked Honey Lemon's "It's time to face the darkness of reality" line. I got a kick out of the scene where Globby took Krei's statue before realizing he didn't take Krei himself and came back to get him. Bluff Dunder was pretty funny during the last scene too. 

I also I liked when some goop got on Baymax and Wasabi said, "Nobody does that to Baymax and gets away with it!" Lines like that are small things that I'm happy to hear. 

I'm still not over Baymax cradling Gogo while she slept. That was so pure and adorable and I loved it very much. 

The style of the show continues to grow on me more and more witch each episode. I love the character designs for the new characters and I think Krei and his assistant look pretty good. The animation flow isn't bothering me either. Every once in awhile, the lip syncing is just a tad bit awkward, but it's easy to look past (for me anyway). The scenery looks so good! This style honestly brings San Fransokyo to life. 

On a scale of one to ten...I'd rate Big Roommates an 8!

[aarunomura]

MARGINAL#4 Index 2nd Stage ~LOVE★SAVIOR~ Chapter 3 - Gravitational☆Collapse (Translation)

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7

★ Please DO NOT re-translate or post this translation anywhere.

CHAPTER 3: Gravitational☆Collapse

How long has it been since I’ve shut myself in my own home? I bury my face in the cushion I’m hugging. Even as I’m closing my eyes, what comes to mind is MARGINAL#4.

(Given the time, I wonder if they’re having dance practice now. And yet what am I even doing.)

A sigh escapes. Ever since Chang-san became MARGINAL#4′s Manager, the project for their second single has apparently been progressing along smoothly. Provision of music by famous artists, including tie-ups with major companies, TVCM’s, appearances on music programs... It’s frustrating to admit, but that is all due to Chang-san’s abilities.

(My current self couldn’t do this much. That’s why the way things are now is fine for MARGINAL#4′s sake as well.)

I told myself that over and over. And yet there was a thought I couldn’t erase.

(I wanted to support everyone. I wanted to be of more help to them as their Manager.)

I knew I was not an excellent Manager. That was exactly why I strove to work hard every day. So that I could go forward together with MARGINAL#4 even if it was just one step at a time. But looking back at it now, perhaps that was wishful thinking. Right now, the existence known as MARGINAL#4 is emitting a brilliant shine before my eyes. Shouldn’t my existence be one that stands in front of them and leads them the way and not one standing on par with them? Isn’t that why Director sent over Chang-san who has plenty of experience as a Manager? I don’t know the answer to that. Just that the fact is that I am no longer MARGINAL#4′s Manager. This emotion I didn’t have the words for turned into tears and trickled down my cheeks. I was keenly aware of how serious I was about MARGINAL#4 and at the same time of how inexperienced I was to the point that my heart was swelling with sadness. I bit my lip in frustration. In that same moment, a tune from my mobile phone went off.

“Ah...!”

Even though I didn’t feel like reading any of my messages, by reflex, I looked up. Atom-kun. There’s no doubt that the tone just now is to alert me of a message from him. I had changed my alert tone so that I can respond promptly to texts or calls from all of the MARGINAL#4 members. I flung the cushion away and picked up my phone, which I had left sitting on the table. I ignored the fact that I was starting to become nervous, and looked at the screen.

───Tomorrow, we wanna see you.

To accompany those few words was a photo of MARGINAL#4 with radiant smiles on their faces.

(I miss you. I also want to see you all.)

I hug my phone without thinking. To think that this many tears would fall from just this one text.

☆★☆

The place specified in the text was a park quite a bit of a walk from the rehearsal hall. Everyone must be headed here once they’re on their break from lessons. The juices I am holding are refreshments catering to each of their tastes. It was a little odd to have noticed that while I was carefully checking through them, I was somewhat nervous. I reach the front of the park and have a look around the place.

“Ah!”

Eru-kun pointed at me and raised his voice. He suddenly gets off the swing and comes running up to me.

“Manager! I missed you as much as infinite marimo!!”

Just as I think to myself that I need to say something, both of his arms wrap around me just like that. Atom-kun, Aru-kun and Rui-kun also came over while out of breath.

“O-O-Oi, Eru! What are you doing?! M-M-M-M-Manager m-must be shocked, right! Let! Her! Go!” “Ehh~ It’s fine to cling to her since it’s been a while. By the way, Atom-kun, your face is all red. You’re feeling shy because you haven’t seen her in a while~? Right, Aru.” “I-I’m also really happy to see you. The same goes for you too, right, Rui-kun?” “Of course. Thank you very much for coming here today, Manager.”

It’s been a while. Have you been well? All of the words I had prepared beforehand vanished from my mind. Even though there were heaps of things I wanted to say, I didn’t have the words for them.

“...You guys.”

When I spoke, the four’s gazes gathered towards me all at once. I search for the words to say, faltering because of their stares.

“Is it......... Is it really okay for you to be here?”

The words that finally came out were those. Everyone looked at each other with expressions that suggested they couldn’t believe what I was saying. And then they smiled.

“Yes. We went through everything in our lessons perfectly, and I do not think Chang-san will notice.”

Next to Rui-kun, who gave me that reply, Atom-kun nodded with folded arms. Aru-kun, who saw that, hesitantly spoke.

“U-Um, Manager. We weren’t able to see each other in a while, but have you been well?”

I put on a smile and nodded, but Aru-kun’s pupils were still shaking with worry. Again, Atom-kun opens his mouth to speak.

“Really? I mean, Manager, somehow, it looks like you lost a bit of weight. ...And your eyes are puffy. Have you’ve been crying, maybe?” “Atom-kun is right. Please do not bottle it up in front of us.” “Ahaha... So you could tell.” “Of course! You can’t hide it from us. Right, Aru.” “Yeah. Just like you are always worrying about us, the same goes for us when it comes to you... Okay?” “Thank you. I feel better now that I got to see all of your faces.”

My vision had actually gone blurry from the tears, but by telling myself that I needed to have a look at their smiles more, I was somehow able to withstand it. As I thought, everyone is amazing. I murmured that inside my mind.

“Leaving that aside, um, are things going well? With Chang-san...”

I knew each of them would go quiet at the mention of those words. Shrugging his shoulders, Aru-kun shakes his head with a sigh.

“Certainly, that person... Chang-san is extremely capable. But... How should I put this...” “He thinks of MARGINAL#4 as nothing but tools. I am certain of that.” “It’s just as Rui says. And yet it’s a situation where it’s like we’re in a mutual follow with him that it’s suffocating. I wanna block him...” “Fufu, Atom-kun sure hates that person, huh.” “What, Eru, you don’t?” “Well, I don’t like it. I still think MARGINAL#4′s Manager is her──”

Eru-kun suddenly stopped talking and shifted his gaze behind me. When I also turned around, I found out why.

“Just when I wondered where you went off to after practice, you were at a place like this.”

A cold, monotonous voice. There was no mistaking it. The person standing at the park’s entrance is───

“...Chang-san....” “Ah, I see you are here too.”

Chang-san approached us with a mechanical stride and stood in front of me. I desperately refrained myself from shrinking back. I couldn’t even detect any feelings of anger from those eyes that look down at me from behind those glasses. That’s right, eyes that appear to be looking at a stone lying about on the ground.

“Um, I...” “I do not wish to hear your excuses. What I do want to confirm is how long you intend on continuing to pretend to be their Manager.” “Oi! That’s no way to talk to her! We were the ones who called her out here!”

Atom-kun, who has taken a step forward, glares at Chang-san. However, Chang-san’s expression doesn’t change, not even by a millimetre.

“Besides, we still haven’t acknowledged you as our Manager.” “I am not trying to have you acknowledge me. Because you are merely objects of management.”

Chang-san curls his lips. It was clear that it was a sneer.

“Understand, you should just move accordingly to my instructions. If you do that, you will definitely succeed. After all, you have what it takes.” “Heeh. Do as we’re told? Say... In other words, MARGINAL#4 is your tool? Cut the crap, why don’t you?!” “E-Eru...!” “It’s fine. This much has to be said sometimes.”

With Eru-kun fiercely glaring at him, Chang-san falls into silence. However, that lasted for only a brief moment.

“Eru, you are still young. I also understand that you get emotional. However, I want you to stop thinking that you can survive in the world of show business the next time you speak like that.” “Wha...!” “You should be aware that there are also people who are finished without having ever budded no matter how much potential they have.”

Eru-kun still insists on opening his mouth to say something, but Aru-kun holds him back with his hand. Naturally, Eru-kun holds his tongue.

“...Chang-san. I understand what you are saying. We are business tools, and our opinions are not needed.”

Rui-kun says. His tone of voice sounded far too cold for me to say that he was calm. It even feels as if he has returned to the time before he opened himself up to MARGINAL#4. Even with that, Chang-san’s expression doesn’t change one bit.

“Yes, exactly. I hope you all act with that in mind hereafter.”

Chang-san replies with precision as if he is reading a textbook aloud. That gaze wanders and lands on me.

“Although it was for a short while, you were still their Manager. To not instil this degree of common knowledge at least into them either is... astounding.” “...” “That is why you were rid of your position as Manager. Disgraceful.”

As if to say that this conversation is over, Chang-san clapped his hands twice.

“Now, all of you, please return to the rehearsal hall at once. You also have a magazine photo shoot today. Move precisely as I instruct you to.”

The vicinity falls into dead silence. No one utters a word.

“...Did you not hear me? I believe I told you to return to the rehearsal hall.”

Again, Chang-san says that in a calm manner. Still, no one moves.

“Just now, what did you say to her? Disgraceful?”

Instead, it was Eru-kun who broke the silence. All eyes are on him.

“Those words, take them back right now.” “I refuse. Because it is the truth.” “Then I’m not listening to what you say. I’m not going back to the rehearsal hall.” “Do you intend to abandon your duties? If that is not so, then you too, please retract your words just now.” “No!”

Eru-kun ran off before even uttering those words.

“Eru just...! W-What do we do?! We have to go after him!” “That will not be necessary, Aru. That goes for the both of you as well.”

Everyone was about to run after him in a hurry, but Chang-san stopped them.

“But! At this rate, Eru will...” “It is time for work now. You may be siblings, but if Eru does not return here, then that was all there was to him as an idol... Please give up for your brother’s sake as well.”

“Give up.” Those words run about in my mind.

“Chang-san.”

I found myself calling out that name. In that same moment, the day when I met everyone from MARGINAL#4, the days when they repeatedly clashed yet also came to understand one another... I am reminded of all of those things.

“Please don’t say that.” “...Hah?”

For the first time, there was surprise in Chang-san’s voice.

“It is true that I am no longer MARGINAL#4′s Manager. But...”

I know that the current me doesn’t have the right to speak, but I can’t just stand there and not say something.

“I know more than anyone of just how hard they have worked.” “...” “Please don’t say things like, ‘Give up!’ I’m going to look for Eru-kun!!”

I turned my back on Chang-san, who was about to say something, to cut him off. With that, I broke into a run towards the direction Eru-kun ran off in.

(Eru-kun, where are you?!)

To be continued. ➤ Chapter 4

I’m scared to translate the next chapter. The next chapter will be the last update for this index since I’ve already translated the rest of the chapters aka. 5, 6 & 7. Sorry these translations are all over the place btw orz

Thanks for reading!

[secret-rendezvous1d]

Break-Up Novella.

PART THREE: JEALOUSY.

PART ONE | PART TWO |

It’s quite a short part... I’m sorry! I just lost all inspiration for this one, I think. Harry’s hit with the vicious green-eyed monster in this part to the Break-Up Novella. But, he deserves to suffer, don’t you think? One step closer to them getting back together though, I can assure you. 

I can’t promise you that part four will be any better but part 5 will be so jam-packed of a whole load of things and emotions.

Thank you SO much for the feedback on the last two parts to this little novella/story. I’m stunned that Part One is getting close to 500 notes That’s insane. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I love you so much for that. I really do. I think that is the most amount of notes I’ve ever received on a story; and for it to happen on one that I was a little weary on? It just makes me feel even better about it.

As always, feedback would be incredible! You guys know how much I appreciate that.

Enjoy! xx

2 weeks later, post break-up: (YN).

The music in the club, located in mid-town London with a luminescent sign making it’s whereabouts known, was filled to the brim and booming loudly and intensifying as the hours went on. Thumping and bumping and echoing off of the four walls that held a good over 200 clubbers and party-goers inside, ranging from university students that resided in the university down the road to groups in their mid-twenties to a select few who were past 30 and mingling as if it was their only night of the year to let loose. The smell of sweat emitting from the moist bodies and the strong aroma of spilt alcohol, that made your shoes stick to the dirty floor, filled the atmosphere, wafting from the glasses and plastic bottles that were sold at the bar.

It was your first night out in 2 weeks.

A rather conspicuous change up from how you’d spent the lonely evenings in the last 14 days.

The venue you were in, surrounded by people, was completely different to the empty bathroom you’d situated yourself in for the last two weeks. The bright lights that shone around you in the space and replicated something you’d see at a EDM festival was a completely change to the harsh lights that your bathroom would emit every night. The alcoholic beverage of a Gin and Tonic that you were nursing in your hands was a change up from the bottle of wine that you had been gulping from over the previous nights. The company of Adie was divergent from your own company that had been there to comfort you during the tedious two weeks of post break-up coping.

You were jostled to and from your spot. Pushed into the bar each time you ordered a drink and falling into the chest of some unfortunate club-goer who happened to be in the path of your motions. Apologies slurring from your lips, falling on deaf ears as the base of the playing song drowned out your voice, your drink held tightly in your hand as you shuffled through the crowd and back to the designated table that Adie had found in the midst of the crowd. Claiming it as yours for the evening with a towering and leaning collection of empty cocktail glasses.

“Get crazy,” she called, suckling on the straw tucked into the corner of her mouth, eyebrows wiggling as she leant across the table, “stop going for G and T’s and get crazy. Get some vodka in you. Some tequila, maybe. And scour the crowd! You’re lookin’ for a nice, hot, fit guy whose one aim for tonight is a hook-up.”

“You promised me that tonight was just to let loose and get me out the house,” you reminded her, bringing the rim of your glass to your lips and taking a sip from the clear liquid, decorated with a lime segment that floated on the surface, ice tinkling and catching your lip, “I’m still not over my break-up, Ads. I’m not ready to hook up with anyone right now.”

“You and I both know that’s false. You’re ready. Stop lying to yourself and get out there. It’s been 2 weeks. You think Harry hasn’t hooked up with some groupies? Some fit birds from clubs that he’ll leave at the end of the night?” She asked bluntly, your eyebrows furrowing as you set your glass down on the table, shaking your head furiously, the tendrils that fell from your ponytail tickling at your cheeks, “he’s 20-years old and loved by thousands. Don’t kid yourself, (YN).”

“I’m not,” you hissed, “I don’t want to think of him like that. You promised me tonight was just for us to have fun. No hook-ups or anything. You promised me that we wouldn’t speak about him. He was the reason I was stuck inside for 2 weeks, I don’t want him to be the reason I leave early tonight.”

You hadn’t intended for your words to come out as harsh as they did.

But with a best friend who was eager to get you back to your regular self, it took a bit of a push and a yell for her to understand. Her lips drooping and her demeanor changing as she slumped forward and leant her weight on the silver table.

“Alright,” she sighed, sending your a gentle smile, “you’re doing really well with everything, okay? I’m glad you decided to accept my offer of coming out tonight, Sugar. I’m pretty sure your parents were freaking out because, the only time they heard from you was at the beginning of the two weeks. Your dad did mention something about calling the police a couple of times when your mum called me,” she declared.

“They would,” you scoffed, rolling your eyes as Adie gave you a frown and tapped against the top of the table, “I go ghost for two weeks and they want to call the police. I told them I was fine, that I needed time to digest everything, and that I would be okay in my own time.”

“Remember what happened wh-”

“I don’t need reminding. He was my first boyfriend and I took it hard. It doesn’t mean that I’ll handle all of my break-ups like that,” you responded, leaning forward on your stool and retrieving the cocktail menu that was printed with bold and black print letters to be able to read under the flashing lights of the setting.

You were freshly 16 when you had your first relationship. And you were close to 17 when you went through your first heartbreak.

Fresh from secondary school and in college, meeting new people and finding your feet in a new institution, being the typical college girl who sat in a large group of students and mingled with the ones from your classes. Sharing your free periods and lunch hours with the same people who invited you to parties, and, spending your weekends with the same people who you worked on projects with.

It was at a party that you met your first boyfriend. The boyfriend who you, in your 16-year old mind, thought was the one. Your teenage sweetheart who treated you in a way you, your parents and your friends had expected. Picking you up in the mornings before college, taking you out for lunch when the both of you had time off, being your date to college events and being the one guy who would wait outside your classroom and be the typical gentleman who took your bag and held your hand. Clueless to the stares and the chatter that was rising each time you strolled the corridors.

His name was Matthew. Black hair, blue eyes and the sweetest button nose and pinkened lips that captured and piqued your interest from the moment you were introduced.

He was your first kiss. In the front seat of his car after catching a movie together, lips cold from the iced drinks you’d slurped through the night and tongues tasting like the popcorn you’d both munched on.

He was your first ‘I love you’. Tucked under a blanket as you shared a chair on the college field, attending a movie night held for the new first year students joining the system. Surrounded by friends and teachers and

He was the one who took your virginity. After a friend’s birthday party where you both got bored and decided to ditch, slipping away before people caught you, and taking the slow walk home. Tucked under the thick duvet on his bed, as he made the gentlest movements to please you and satisfy you. Nervous pokes and scratches being given between sloppy movements and rushed motions. And, at the time and months later, you thought it was the most amazing night you’d ever had. The night being everything you had expected. However, thinking back upon the night as you grew older and went through the frequent experience of love-making and sex with Harry, it wasn’t the best sex you had.

Regardless of how sweet he treated you, he was also the one who broke your heart. Under the worries of going up North to University and unwilling to try out long distance, he stood on the doorstep of your house with a hoodie, embellished with the college logo, and broke off the relationship in what he had thought was the respected way.

“You want me to loosen up? Cocktails, then. My treat, for the rest of the night. Just so you can handle drunk me in the morning,” you pushed away from the table with your purse in your hand, “m’back at work now, so, drinks are on me.”

“I wouldn’t want to clean up anyone else's vomit from my kitchen floor.”

* *

As the night went on, and the hours passed, and the club welcomed more and more people through its main doors, your hair was let down and you were loose on the dancefloor. Grinding against any man that found you welcoming, accepting their offers to buy you a drink, and refusing to let Harry cross your tipsy, and slightly clouded, mind. Forgetting everything, from the break-up to wondering what Harry was doing, and enjoying the moment as it arrived, drinking concoction after concoction and boogying close to any guy that allowed you to close the space between your bodies.

It wasn’t until it neared midnight that you saw the familiar head of hair standing by the bar. Dressed in an outfit that only fit and looked right on their body. The all-too familiar melodic laugh that you’d heard on many occasions in the last 2 years. The all-too familiar finger being pointed and wiggled in your direction when you were spotted by the all-too familiar set of eyes that held memories for a lifetime behind them.

Nicholas Grimshaw.

“Well, if it isn’t my old lady pal,” he smirked, cocking an eyebrow up as you sauntered closer to him, welcoming your alcohol-induced, trembling body into his, “how are you doin’, pet? You alright? I heard what happened between you and Harry. He told me everythin’ when I called him up the other night. If it helps, I gave him a proper bollockin’. Think Louise did, as well. I can’t believe he said all that to you.”

“I’m fine. Came out to try and forget all about him,” you admitted, slurring your words as you leant up on your toes to kiss his cheek, giggling into his ear, “he ruined me for two weeks. Broke up with him, and, I was the one who was crushed. I should have been partying as soon as I left him. He was a knob.”

“He was a knob, I will admit and agree with you there. I can’t believe he found it okay to say all that to you. To treat you the way he did,” Nick sighed softly, tightening his arm around your shoulders and pulling you a little closer from the commotion that seemingly picked up, protecting you from the harsh prods and pushes as people tried to near the bar, “if it makes you feel any better, he was really cut up over it. Kept on sayin’ he hated what he did and that he wouldn’t be surprised if you really didn’t love him anymore and that he had no idea who he was when it happened. He told me about the slap you gave him as well,” he snickered, bumping his hip against yours as you smiled towards him, “and I don’t blame you for that. Would’a down the same thing. He went and stayed with Anne for a few days before he left for the tour, too. And he only ever goes to her when he needs the kind of comfort that his friends couldn’t give to him.”

“He never said goodbye to me,” you slurred, pulling away from the warmth of his body and leaning forward to grab onto the countertop of the bar, littered with empty bottles and cups that still held remnants of drink, “I expected some kind of text before he caught his flight, but, nothing.”

“He probably just wanted to give you some time,” he noted, “he really does love you. Your relationship with his was the first relationship where I’ve ever seen him look at you like you were the one for him. You brought out his best side. Made him laugh in a way that no one else could,” he smiled, “he’s cut up. If the opportunity arises, you should give him another chance.”

You shrugged, giving him a tight-lipped smile as you waved the bartender towards your section.

“I’m trying to forget about him tonight. Buy me a drink and come party with me, Grim,” you grinned, “it’s been too long since we’ve had some time on the floor together.”

“I think you need to tone it down a little tonight, missy. I can smell the liquor on your breath,” Nick warned, “I don’t want to take you to the hospital to get your stomach pumped. I’ll buy you one more drink and we can have a boogie and then you can go find Adie so she can take you home. She’s still here, right?” He asked, watching as you pointed over his shoulder. Spinning on his heels and noticing your best friend pushed against the wall, lips locked with a stranger she’d been chatting up for the most of the night, “well, you can try and coax her away from that game of tonsil tennis she’s playing and get home for some sleep. Harry would want me to look after you.”

* *

Two weeks later, post break-up; Harry.

Harry’s texts. Missus’ texts.

When Harry woke up, with a dry throat and a tingle in his arm, the bright Brazilian sun was high in the sky and peeking through the curtain of his hotel room. The slither of light that snuck through the material giving his foot a nice, delicious, warm flush, as his toes became exposed from beneath the sheet, his legs stretching out further as he removed the knots from his limbs. His hair knotted and pillow-messed for where his head had stayed moulded into the soft pillow.

2 weeks.

2 weeks is how long he’d been sleeping, alone, in a crisp, white bed that was large enough and cosy enough and fit for two people. Enough space to hold another body on the right side with a pillow untouched and a bedside table empty from any holiday objects and a cold bottle of water; something you refused to sleep without when away in a foreign country.

Hotel hopping with the boys just wasn’t the same as hotel hopping with you. He had the company of four other boys, but it never amounted to the company you gave him. Travelling on tour with a support system consisting of the tour crew, the tour management, the stylist crew and the technicians never gave him the excitement anymore because there was one person, who he enjoyed have around more than anyone else, missing; the one other person added to his private team.

He hadn’t meant to stumble upon your social media.

But 2 weeks of having no access to your life, not knowing where you were, not knowing who you were hanging out with, not knowing how you were feeling, he was starting to miss you more than he’d expected to. He couldn’t go and look anywhere online without stumbling across your name, fan accounts made under a ship name created by those who adored the two of you together, seeing update accounts keep tabs on you and post your locations days after.

He hadn’t meant to get jealous when his eyes landed on a specific set of photos that showed you, dressed in an outfit he’d only ever seen you in once - at his sister’s birthday party, the following year, when you’d been too worried it looked a little more provocative than you’d thought - cosied under the arm of a man he couldn’t quite depict from a crowd. His hair short and pushed back with gel, a shirt on his body that looked like something a dad would wear on a holiday, skinny jeans on legs that seemed to go on for days, and a pair of suede boots tucked onto his feet. His face, turned from the camera and within a close inch to yours, seemed to be invested in whatever you were saying. And he cursed his brain for thinking about what could have happened as soon as the camera took the photo.

An unsettling feeling bubbling in his belly as he sat himself up on the mattress and leant against the headboard. Gulping thickly as he tapped his thumbs across his screen, without a thought, and proceeded to let you know just how he felt about your antics. Knowing that it was a bad move to even send a message around the time that you trying to move on, but, blinded by the jealousy that coursed his veins.

He hadn’t moved on.

He didn’t think he could ever move on.

So how could you?

It’s been 2 weeks.

He dropped his phone to the mattress on the empty and untouched side of double bed, giving his eyes a harsh rub and ridding the sleep that lingered around the corners, removing the dust that collected by his eyelids. A yawn escaping his throat as he kicked away the duvet and shuffled away from the mattress, leaving the warmth that had invited him in last night, and reaching forward to pull open the curtains pulled haphazardly closed.  

2 weeks?

His phone buzzed and vibrating upon the mattress, lighting up with a text and capturing his attention as he lunged forward and reached across the mattress, wrapping his fingers around the object. Your name, no longer accompanied with a red heart emoji, flashing on the screen. Fingers rapidly working away on a message that didn’t beat around the bush at all.

We broke up two weeks ago… And… You’ve already moved on?

What?

I’ve seen photos of you.

What photos?

Harry, I have no idea what you’re talking about…

You went out clubbing? With Adie? Yeah?

I did, yeah. I didn’t know I was being papped by anyone. I didn’t even think I was being seen by people. No one made any commotion.

Why?

Why what?

Why did you go out clubbing?

To find another guy? Got over me that quick? I know I was a prick towards you but I thought you’d have taken a little longer than 2 weeks to get over an almost 2-year relationship.

I wasn’t with a guy! I didn’t even go out and look for anyone!

Why are you getting pissed off?

I’m not pissed off!

I’m hurt!

Why?

I’m not your girlfriend anymore.

That was a jab to his emotions. 

His heart thumping in his ribcage as his eyes skimmed over the message, skipping a beat almost, as you spoke the reality of what was happening. You really weren’t his girlfriend anymore. Why was he jealous? Why did he feel possessive? Selfish almost? Questions forming and swirling in his mind, batting around in his head, behind his eyes. Questions that he didn’t want the answer to because he wasn’t sure if he could handle what would be said.

It’s taken you two weeks to get over a 2 year relationship!

I’m still broken!

Harry.

I’m so hurt! A little jealous, too. Yeah. I should be the one you go to clubs with and grind with and dance with.

Harry, listen to me.

No!

You listen to me!

2 years. We threw away two years for a stupid argument that wasn’t even over anything in particular. An argument that was full of stuff that was wrong and used in spite to you.

It was Grimmy!

What?

I was with Grimmy.

Adie took me to a club and we saw Grimmy.

I’m just as broken over this break-up. You’re not the only one who’s finding it hard to get through, Harry! All the stuff you said to me that night? Yeah, that broke my heart. Truthful or not. It hurt. Like a stab in the heart. You really, really hurt me.

I was so broken.

Adie took me out. It was my first night out since we broke up. For a fortnight, I’d been drowning my sorrows in the bath. I refused to talk to people. My mum was terrified I’d hurt myself and my dad threatened to call the police to get me to come out the house.

Harry, I’m hurt!

I wouldn’t move on so quickly after a relationship.

Oh.

I’m sorry.

I didn’t know.

You shouldn’t be getting jealous and hurt if I was anyway.

I always will. I love you!

Without an inch of a thought, his thumb tapped against his screen. The soft thud and the top of his nail making his eyes wide as he pushed send before he could gather his true thoughts, get himself together and really think how to respond properly. Perching down on the end of the bed, feet planting on the floor in a firm position, elbows resting on his knees as he stared at his screen. Glaring at the three words he hadn’t said to you for months.

Close to locking his device, the little white bubble, with three clear dots, appeared above his keyboard. His cheek being taken between his teeth as he chewed nervously, gulping thickly as he cupped his forehead in his hand and waited for something that could be a saddening injunction or a glorious piece of news that he just needed to hear.

I love you too.

Then what’s stopping us from getting back to normal?

I’ve still not forgiven you properly. I’m so… I don’t know.

Can we at least try?

Try what?

Try to work this out. No relationship. Just, strictly platonic and friendly. Civil, maybe?

We’ll start off as friends. Anything. I just... I need you in my life.

Please.

I don’t know, Harry.

Let’s try and be friends. At least, civil, at that. I don’t want to let you go. Especially since there’s still some love there between us. I don’t want to let that fizzle away and go forgotten.

Won’t that be weird?

We’ll try not to make it weird.

I’m comfortable around you. I’m willing to try if you are?

The wait for your response was agonising. But, when the one single word came through, he let out a soft yet happy sounding gasp, whispering the world to himself.

Okay.

If he couldn’t have you back as his girlfriend, a friend was a good start to making you see just how much he needed you in his life. Because he was willing to prove to you how sorry he was, without a care in the world of how long it took for you to trust him again.

Friends.

Yeah, he could deal with that.

[multiplefandomsmut]

Project Feminize [Part 3]

Tony x Reader / Steve x Reader

Word Count: 1954

Rating: M

Warnings: smut

Natasha wanders into my room with breakfast shortly after Tony woke me, and smiles, telling me that she will be here with me to help me prepare. The smell of the food alone is amazing, and makes my mouth water. I immediately dig in as she wanders around my room, adjusting things, and being the natural big sister that she is.

“So, what exactly is going to happen today?” I ask in between bites of food.

“Well, in about an hour, after you shower and eat, some professionals are going to come in to make sure you look your best.”

I raise my eyebrows. “What kind of professionals?”

“Well, Tony is having a dentist come in and do a cleaning and whitening, which is probably going to take a while. Then, a hair stylist and makeup artist are going to come in and do their thing.”

I nod slowly. “What time does the party start?”

“6:30.”

*********

The work the dentist does hurts, to say in the least, but I know the pain will be well worth it. The whitening makes my teeth sting, but Natasha stands beside me the entire time, talking to me, and distracting me from the pain.

“Everyone is wondering where you’ve disappeared to, and whenever they ask Tony or me something, all we do is end up smirking, so they know something’s up. But, I don’t think they have any idea of what’s really happening.”

I nod, unable to talk, but wanting to acknowledge her statement.

“Sharon is going to be at the party tonight,” she mentions, but wanting quickly to move into a different topic.

I make some noise and shake my head, telling her to go back to Sharon.

She nods. “Yes, she’s going to be at the party tonight. Her and Maria were talking, and when Maria mentioned the party, Sharon sort of invited herself in order to see Steve since he’s been sort of radio silent with her.” She pauses. “Want to know why he hasn’t been talking to her? He’s worried about what’s going on with you. He cares about you, even if he doesn’t exactly show it.”

After about twenty more minutes, the dentist tells me I’m good to go, and that I’m allowed to talk now. I wait for him to leave the room before turning to Natasha.

“I know Steve cares about me, but I always just assumed that it was in a friend sort of way.”

“Part of it, I think is. I mean, you two have always been good friends and you’ve always been close, and I know that’s part of the reason why it hurt you so much when you saw him with Sharon. On the other hand, I do think he has thought of you as more of a friend. You and his first love are a lot alike, so, you’re his type.”

I scoff. “Peggy Carter was much more beautiful than I will ever be.”

“Don’t say that. You are just as beautiful as she was.”

“I guess …”

I look away from her, and bite my lip.

She laughs. “I know you too well.” She turns my face back towards her. “Tonight will work, I promise.”

“What if it doesn’t?”

She shakes her head. “No, (Y/N), you’re not allowed to think like that.” She pauses. “If tonight doesn’t work, Steve is truly going to suffer the consequences.”

I laugh and nod as she squeezes my shoulders. She glances at the clock in my room and stands up straight before looking me in the eye.

“It’s almost three. Ready for hair and make-up?”

I nod, and as if on cue, I hear a soft knock on the door. Both ladies haul a suitcase behind them and I take a nervous breath. The ladies introduce themselves and begin talking while setting up their tools.

Luciana, my hair stylist, shows me the hair styles that Tony preapproved, to which I laugh. I select my favorite and she nods at my choice, telling me that it’s her favorite too. Jesse does the same thing with the styles of makeup, causing the four of us to laugh as she tells us what happened when she was talking to Tony. Apparently, Tony was being very specific about what tones of eyeshadow he thought would look best on me, and was, in other words, being the diva that he is.

Natasha watches with an increased interest as Luciana teases and curls my hair in several different ways. As I sit there, I listen to the two of them talk and smile inwardly as Natasha takes an interest in something not having to do with work.

Being in the final steps of preparation makes me incredibly nervous, but I push it aside and simply focus on transforming into someone I never thought I could be.

*********

The three of them refuse to let me look in the mirror until I am fully dressed in my gown, heels, and jewelry. Natasha approaches me with a dark green, full-length dress that shimmers in the light, and black heels to match. The dress cuts down in a deep-V, slightly revealing my breasts in the classiest way possible. I accompany the outfit with a sizeable emerald necklace, and emerald earrings, keeping it simple, but stylish at the same time.

Satisfied, they allow me to look in the mirror, and I’m glad they hid me from myself for so long. I look beautiful. I hardly recognize myself, but I love it. My hair is teased, making it look like I have much more than I actually do, and is curled in layers. My eyes are coated in an undistinguishable hue of blue or green, with a black eyeliner to make it stand out. The eyelash extensions feel weightless, and my now whitened smile glows with the addition of the light pink lipstick.

I smile as Natasha approaches me.

“Ready?”

I look at her, not even realizing that she had gotten ready as well, and nod. This is the moment I’ve been waiting for.

“Tony’s planned a grand entrance, so let me go tell him you’re ready.”

I follow her down to the floor and hide down the hall as she goes and informs Tony. It’s not even thirty seconds later when I hear the music volume decrease, and his voice boom through sound system.

“Attention, ladies and gentlemen. I have prepared something very special for you tonight, and believe me, it wasn’t easy to pull off.”

I roll my eyes, but my heart beats in anticipation and excitement.

“I would like you to turn your attention to the large descending staircase to the north as I present to you, the new, (Y/N) (Y/L/N)!”

I take slow, assuring steps forward and turn the corner where I see the large crowd staring, waiting for my entrance. Once I come fully into the light, I hear gasps, and see shocked expressions. I smile grows on my face as I make my way down, my heels clicking on the tile in the silence of the room. I walk straight for Tony, and see a smile across his face as well.

“Thank you, Tony,” I say as I hug him.

“Your welcome,” he grins back. “Now, I think it’s only fitting that I have the first dance.”

An upbeat tempo immediately sounds, and soon, Tony is spinning me across the dance floor.

A dance with Clint follows, and then a dance with Sam, and then a dance with Bucky, and then I am in need of a drink and a seat. The bartender sets a martini in front of me, and I take a sip of the liquid courage, breathing out at its taste.

“Hey there,” I hear from behind me.

I instantly recognize the voice and turn in my chair to see the center of my affections, Steve.

“Hi,” I reply with a smile, something that won’t seem to leave my face.

“Do you mind if I sit?” he asks, gesturing to the chair beside mine at the bar.

“Of course not.”

The bartender quickly gets Steve a drink and moves to the other end of the bar, besieging himself with fake work.

There are a few moments of silence before he meets my eyes and says, “You look beautiful.”

“Thank you.”

“Is it okay if I claim the next dance with you?”

“It is.”

You and Me by Lifehouse plays and Steve leads me to the dance floor. He places his hands on my waist and I wrap my arms around his shoulders. Tony winks at me as we slowly turn on the dance floor. Steve’s baby blue eyes burn into mine with a softness I’ve never before seen. His large hand splays out across my lower back, and I’m floating on cloud nine.

*********

He thrusts into me rhythmically, and I can’t help but moan out his name like a chant. His lips find my neck and feel his teeth graze the skin. I grip his biceps like a vice as I quiver and shake beneath him, my orgasm washing over me with incredible power, making me let out long moans.

We fall asleep in each other’s arms and I couldn’t be happier.

I wake up and sit up, looking in the mirror across the room, surprised to see my makeup still intact for the most part. My hair is messy, most definitely post-sex. I shiver with my back now exposed to the cold morning air. Steve moves beside me, stretching and smiling.

“Good morning, gorgeous.”

I smile. “Good morning to you too.”

“How did you sleep?”

“I slept really well actually.”

He sits up and kisses my cheek before leaning against his headboard and pulling me to him.

“You know, I made a mistake, not asking you out before this.”

“What changed your mind?”

“Well, look at you.”

I freeze. “Wait,” I say, siting up to look back at him, now holding the sheet up to my chest. “Are you saying you brought me back here because of the way I look?”

“No …”

“That’s what you just said.”

“(Y/N) … let’s not ruin a perfect morning.”

I shake my head. “Too late.” I reach down to the floor and grab my clothes and quickly dress myself. “You’re right, you did make a mistake about not asking me out before. But, you know what? I made an even bigger mistake by coming up here.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that maybe I fell for the wrong guy.”

I walk out and make my way to the elevator. I soon find myself at Tony’s door and knock. He answers, fully showered, fully dressed, and fully sober.

“I made a mistake.”

“What’s wrong?” he asks, concern in his voice.

“I fell for the wrong guy.”

I drop my heels and listen as they fall to the floor beside me. Standing up on my toes, I wrap my hands around the back of his neck and pull him down to me, and press my lips to his.

We stand there for several moments before he pulls away and responds, “Thank God.”

He pulls me in for another kiss, and I stand there, realizing that the things I felt these past few days were something I shouldn’t have pushed away.

“Please tell me you’re not joking,” he almost pleads.

I laugh. “I’m not joking.”

He presses his forehead to mine, and I feel more loved than I ever have. He caresses my cheek with his thumb, and I suddenly don’t feel a need to rush to do anything. I just want to be held. I just want to be held by the only man willing to take a chance on me. Tony.

Previous Part

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[jukebox-luke]

Memoirs of a Broken Dude

[klaineanummel]

i might get your heart racing 1/3

When Blaine Anderson’s plan to lose his virginity to Sebastian Smythe goes awry, he finds comfort in the arms of the last person he expected - Kurt Hummel, known throughout Dalton Academy as “the de-virginator”

guess who's back... back again~

this is really, really, really loosely based on an old kurtbastian GKM prompt. basically the only thing i kept from the prompt was the idea of kurt being a "de-virginator", but you know, credit where credit is due.

i know it doesn't seem like that long ago since I posted the final part of my ANWTK verse, but I finished writing that in November, so writing this felt really good since it had been a while.

there's three chapters to this fic. i'll be posting over the course of three days :) hope you all enjoy, and see you all tomorrow :D

warnings: minor seblaine (doesn’t get very far), underage drinking. i think that’s it?

Also on AO3

The party is already in full swing when Blaine arrives (fashionably late, he tells himself, but mostly late because of the bus). The music is loud, and the people are louder. Everyone is dancing, drinking, or making out. For the first time since he decided he wanted to do this Blaine is feeling nervous. This isn’t his scene, at all. It never has been. He’s only been to one party before in his life, and it ended with him as the only sober person in the room, talking to a wasted Kurt Hummel about Broadway musicals, of all things. Which was fun, of course, but not exactly what Blaine pictured his first house party would be like.

Tonight is going to be different, though. Tonight he is going to drink, he is going to dance, and then he’s going to lose his virginity to Sebastian Smythe. He refuses to let it play out any other way.

He sees Sebastian almost as soon as he arrives. He’s leaning against the wall, a red solo cup in hand, talking to a couple of the Warblers. Blaine smirks, runs his hands over his jeans (they’re dangerously sweaty), and makes his way over.

They’re all laughing when Blaine sidles up to them, a casual smile on his face. “Hey Wes, David! Thad,” he pats Wes on the back, nodding at each Warbler in turn. “It’s awesome to see you guys.” He then turns his head ever so slightly toward Sebastian, barely making eye contact. “Hey, Sebastian,” he says; a throw-away. He instantly turns back to his friends. “When did you all get here?”

“An hour ago, when the party started,” Wes says, raising an eyebrow. “I’m surprised to see you here. I thought you were planning on working on that French essay tonight.”

Blaine shrugs. “Oh, I was, but I got bored. Figured I could find something more entertaining over here.” He turns his head toward Sebastian again, though this time he makes sure to make eye-contact. Sebastian’s eyes lower to his body, and Blaine smirks. He looks away, patting Wes’s shoulder and saying, “I’m going to get a drink. See you guys around?”

He hears David saying, “Who the hell was that, and what has he done with Blaine?” as he walks away. He makes sure to sway his hips a bit, feelings his jeans digging into his waist as he walks. They’re a little too tight, but he needed something that draws the attention to his ass. He knows just as well as the rest of the school that Sebastian is an ass man.

He reaches the drink table and pours some punch into a cup, instantly taking a sip. It tastes like piss, and Blaine wants nothing more than to pour it right back into the bowl, but he has a plan goddammit. And so far that plan is working.

“Blaine?” a familiar voice asks, and Blaine turns to see Kurt Hummel standing behind him, eyebrows raised and hands in his pockets. Blaine glances back to where Sebastian is, smirking as he sees that a dark look has crossed the other boy’s face.

This wasn’t part of his plan, but oh, if it doesn’t work in his favour.

“Hey, Kurt,” Blaine says, taking another drink of the hell-punch. “How’re you doing?”

“I’m… fine,” Kurt says, glancing around the Smythe’s living room, brow furrowed. “I’m surprised to see you here.”

Blaine laughs, probably a little too hard. “Why does everyone keep saying that?” he says, shaking his head and rolling his eyes, an easy smile coming to his lips.

Kurt’s eyes narrow a bit. “Um, maybe because the last time you came to a party you told me that it was the worst thing you’d ever experienced and that you would rather spend the evening staining the auditorium stage than at another one of these?”

Blaine’s eyebrows raise in surprise. He can’t believe that Kurt remembered that. The boy had been absolutely plastered when Blaine said that to him.

“Right,” he says, clearing his throat. He glances back to Sebastian, making sure he’s still watching. He is. “Well, I changed my mind. Decided to give it another chance.” He drinks some more of the punch, and Kurt winces as he watches him.

“Don’t drink that,” he says, taking the cup from Blaine’s hands. “It’s basically gasoline.”

Blaine pouts. “I like it,” he lies.

Kurt snorts. “No, you don’t. Come with me, I’ll make you something good.”

He wraps his long, slim fingers around Blaine’s wrist and starts to lead him toward the Smythe’s kitchen. Blaine bites down on his bottom lip. He turns his head, seeing Sebastian glaring daggers at Kurt.

Oh, yes, this is definitely working out better than anything he could have planned.

He stays close to Kurt as they weave between pockets of people. Blaine recognizes some of the Crawford Country Day girls from the last school dance they put on, and a few of the guys from school, but for the most part the house is full of strangers. He wonders how most of these people even got invited. It took him wearing his slacks from freshman year to Warbler’s practice two weeks in a row to even get Sebastian to look at him.

There’s quite a few people in the kitchen, but Kurt is clearly adept at maneuvering through the crowd. Blaine follows close behind him, feeling the warmth of Kurt’s back against his front and the fingers around his wrist tighten. As they squeeze through, he can’t help but catch a whiff of the cologne Kurt’s wearing.

It’s nice. Understated. Not as musky as the stuff the guys their age usually favor.

They reach the far counter, which is full of more alcohol than Blaine has ever seen in his life. Kurt gets to work right away, mixing several brightly colored drinks into a red solo cup, topping it off with some Sprite.

“Here,” he says. “I promise this’ll be better than that punch.”

Blaine takes it gently, fingers brushing against Kurt’s as he does. He takes a sip, then another.

“It’s fruity,” he says. Kurt grins, and he blushes. It’s fruity. Dear god. Could he be more obviously out of his depth?

“You like it?” Kurt asks. Blaine takes another drink, this one longer. He can barely taste the alcohol at all, which is amazing considering how many different types he saw Kurt put in here.

“It’s good,” he says, drinking a little more. He looks up at Kurt as he drinks and sees him smiling down at him, bottom lip trapped between his teeth.

Blaine takes yet another drink, the alcohol warm as it travels down his throat. “Do you want to dance?” he asks.

Kurt’s eyes widen, but he instantly nods. Blaine grins and holds out his hand. Kurt takes it, locking their fingers together, and maneuvering them back out into the living room.

He sees Sebastian as soon as he enters the living room. He’s still with the Warbler’s, but his eyes instantly find Blaine’s. Blaine raises an eyebrow, then turns his eyes back to Kurt.

“Right here,” he says, pulling on Kurt’s hand. “Let’s dance right here.”

Kurt turns to face him, and Blaine smiles. He starts to move his body to the rhythm of the music, not sure if he’s doing this right at all. He just makes sure that his ass is moving as much as possible, pointing it straight in Sebastian’s direction.

Kurt chuckles as he watches him. Blaine brings his cup up to his lips and drains the rest of it, raising a challenging eyebrow at Kurt as he does. When he’s finished, he crumples the cup in his hand and tosses it behind him, not even checking to make sure he didn’t hit anybody. Kurt’s lips part in surprise.

“You’re not dancing,” he says, continuing to awkwardly move his body.

Kurt shakes his head, and then, ever so gently, puts his hands on Blaine’s hips. “Like this,” he says, moving Blaine’s hips back and forth smoothly. Blaine allows Kurt to mold his body; after all, Kurt knows way more about how this works that Blaine.

He puts his arms on Kurt’s shoulders, surprised at how broad they feel. He’s rarely seen Kurt without his Dalton uniform, and when he has he’s never really paid attention to thinks like his shoulders, or his body in general.

Kurt starts to move against him, and Blaine can’t help but run his hands up and down Kurt’s shoulders as they dance.

He’s sort of starting to see why Kurt has the reputation that he does. Blaine’s always thought Kurt was attractive in a boy-next-door sort of way, but standing this close to him, dancing up against him, feeling his hands squeezing his hips… Kurt’s hot. Everything about him screams controlled strength, and Blaine can feel muscles under Kurt’s thin shirt that he never could have imagined would be there.

He’s hot, but not intimidatingly so. He’s masculine, but not aggressive. He’s sexual, but not in a blatant manner.

No wonder so many guys want to lose their virginities to him.

Speaking of which. “I’m surprised you aren’t here with a date,” Blaine says casually, hands moving from Kurt’s shoulders slightly down to his chest. Oh, he can definitely feel muscles under there.

Kurt shrugs. “I don’t actually come to these things with dates very often,” he admits.

Blaine raises an eyebrow. “But you always-”

“I don’t really want to talk about that,” Kurt says, cheeks dusted pink. Blaine moves his hands back up to Kurt’s shoulders, this time linking them together behind his neck.

“Why not?” he asks, moving his body slightly closer to Kurt’s. Kurt’s hands rise up to his waist, giving it a tight squeeze. “I’ve been told you’re very comfortable and open about your exploits.”

Kurt presses his lips together and glances away. “I’m sort of… taking a break from that,” he says. It comes out quieter than the rest of their conversation has been, and Blaine has to strain to hear him over the music.

“Oh?” Blaine asks. “Why?”

Kurt’s eyes meet his, his pupils wide. He licks his lips (nice, full, pink lips – how has Blaine never noticed his lips before?) and says, “I sort of have my eye on someone,” this time loud enough for Blaine to hear clearly.

Blaine’s eyebrows raise in surprise. He wouldn’t consider himself a particularly close friend of Kurt Hummel’s, but he knows him well enough to know that Kurt doesn’t date. Kurt has flings, conquests, one night stands. He thinks the longest relationship he remembers Kurt having lasted about three weeks.

“Who?” he can’t help but ask. He wants to know who the lucky guy is that’s making Kurt Hummel want to settle down. Whoever he is, he’s in for a treat if the nice shoulders Blaine has his forearms resting on are any indication.

Kurt looks over his face, then opens his mouth to speak. Before he can, though, there’s a tap on Blaine’s shoulder and he hears the smooth voice of Sebastian Smythe saying, “Do you mind if I cut in?”

Blaine turns toward him instantly, heart leaping in his chest. Oh, wow, he got so caught up in dancing with Kurt and his conversation with Kurt that he almost forgot why he was here. He grins at Sebastian and shakes his head. “He doesn’t mind. You don’t mind, do you Kurt?”

He barely spares Kurt a glance, keeping his eyes on Sebastian all the while. The boy is looking him up and down like he’s something to eat. A shiver runs down his spine.

“Uh. No. No, I guess,” Kurt mutters, but Sebastian is already pulling Blaine in by the waist. Blaine wraps his arms around Sebastian’s neck instantly, glad he briefly danced with Kurt first so that he sort of knows how to do this.

Blaine doesn’t know if Kurt leaves or if he’s still standing behind them. Sebastian’s hands are practically burning a hole through his shirt, and god, Blaine can’t wait to feel them on his bare skin. He’s heard amazing things about Sebastian’s sexual prowess and he is incredibly ready to find out for himself.

Sebastian pulls him closer, so they’re pressed together tight. He rests his chin against Blaine’s temple, and Blaine can feel his breath against his skin. He can’t help but grin, happy that Sebastian can’t see his face right now.

Yes, this night is going absolutely perfectly.

“I didn’t know you were friends with Kurt Hummel,” Sebastian whispers directly into his ear. His lips brush against his lobe, and Blaine shivers again.

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me,” he whispers back. He can feel Sebastian smirking as he lowers his hands to Blaine’s hips, and then slowly, carefully, back around to his ass. Blaine gasps, heart beat skyrocketing as Sebastian gives his ass a hard squeeze.

“I know you have the best ass I’ve ever seen,” Sebastian says. He squeezes again. ��Do you want to go upstairs? I’d love to… get to know you better.”

It worked. His plan worked.

Blaine says, “Yes,” before he can even think about it. He feels like the breath has been stolen right out of his throat as Sebastian pulls away from him and takes his hand, instantly dragging him toward the stairs.

As they climb the stairs, Blaine glances down at the party below. His eyes catch on light blue one’s, and he sees that Kurt is standing close to where they were dancing together. Blaine gives him an excited thumbs up, even though Kurt probably doesn’t know what that means, then turns his attention back to the boy in front of him.

Sebastian leads him down a wide hallway, down to the third door on the left. It’s dark inside, but Sebastian doesn’t bother to turn on the light. He pulls Blaine inside, and then closes the door, instantly pushing Blaine against it.

It briefly knocks the breath out of Blaine’s lungs, though no more so than the mouth that soon covers his own.

His eyes flutter close as he lets himself be kissed by Sebastian Smythe, melting into it. He’s dreamed of this moment for so damn long – since he was a freshman, really – and it’s so much better than his fantasies.

Sebastian obviously knows how to kiss, and he seems to know that he knows how to kiss. He sucks on Blaine’s bottom lip expertly, then flicks his tongue against the seam of Blaine’s lips. Blaine opens them, allowing Sebastian to explore the inside of his mouth.

His hands come to where Blaine’s shirt is tucked into his pants, pulling it out instantly. He starts to lift it up and off, whispering, “Is this okay?” before he pulls it off completely. Blaine nods without any hesitation, and the article is on the floor.

Sebastian’s hands go to his waist and he turns them around. He meets Blaine’s lips again, walking him backward. Blaine doesn’t know what is happening, but he has his hands resting on Sebastian’s shoulders and he is shirtless in front of a boy for the first time in his life. He sort of doesn’t care what’s happening.

His knees hit the edge of a bed, and soon he tumbles onto it. He crawls backward, eyes staying on Sebastian as the boy pulls his own shirt off before climbing on top of him.

He settles his knees over Blaine’s hips, and one of Blaine’s hands comes up of its own volition to splay against Sebastian’s stomach. Oh, god, he’s so gorgeous. He always knew he would be, but seeing him like this…

Sebastian smirks down at him. “You’re so gorgeous,” he says, one hand coming up to cup Blaine’s face. His thumb rubs against Blaine’s lips. “Your fucking mouth.”

Blaine’s seen enough porn to know to open his lips and suck Sebastian’s thumb into his mouth.

Sebastian groans, then takes his hand away and brings both hands to his belt buckle.

Blaine sits up a little to watch as Sebastian pulls his belt out of the belt loops, licking his lips as Sebastian moves his hands instantly to his zipper.

He lowers it gently, pops the button, pulls his jeans down and…

Blaine’s jaw goes slack as he stares at a cock that isn’t his own for the first time in his life. Well, first time in person, that is.

It’s definitely bigger than his own, which intimidates Blaine a bit, but he’s determined to do this. He’s come this far, and he’s so damn close. He reaches a tentative hand out to wrap around Sebastian’s already hardening cock, but Sebastian stops him.

“Wh-”

“I want your mouth,” Sebastian says, staring down at him with pupils so dilated Blaine can barely see the green in his eyes.

Blaine licks his lips and his eyes go back to Sebastian’s cock.

His mouth? Fuck, Blaine wasn’t prepared for this. He’d fingered himself in the shower earlier, and he’d been practicing giving handjobs to bananas to figure out the angle, but he hadn’t practiced anything with his mouth. He didn’t think Sebastian would want that – he’d heard from several very good sources that Sebastian likes going straight to anal.

“Um, okay,” Blaine says quietly. He shifts a little closer, until he is face to face with Sebastian’s cock. It’s even more intimidating up close. “I, uh.” He clears his throat, feeling incredibly stupid. “I’ve never done this before so just… tell me if I do something wrong.”

He moves his mouth forward, parting his lips gently, closing his eyes. His lips make contact with the skin of Sebastian’s cock, much softer than he expected. He opens his mouth a little more, wanting to touch more of it, but then there’s a hand in his hair and he’s being pulled away.

Sebastian grips his hair tightly, pulling it so that Blaine stares up at him. He doesn’t look turned on anymore.

“You’re a virgin?!”

Sebastian spits the word virgin out like it’s something dirty. Blaine, who can still feel the skin of Sebastian’s cock against his lips, blushes deeply.

“Um. Yes?”

“Fuck,” Sebastian lets go of his hair and starts to tuck his cock back into his jeans. “You should have fucking told me earlier!”

Blaine frowns as he watches Sebastian’s cock disappear. “Why is it a problem?” he asks, looking back up at Sebastian. “I’m not going to chicken out, or whatever. I want to do this with you. I want you to be my first.”

“Don’t fucking say that,” Sebastian says, hurrying off the bed. He picks his shirt up and pulls it back on. “Look, Blaine, you’re super hot and all, but I don’t fuck virgins.”

Blaine’s eyes widen. “What?!”

“I don’t. fuck. virgins,” Sebastian repeats. He heads over to the door, picks up Blaine’s shirt, and tosses it at him.

“But… why?” Blaine asks, holding his shirt tight to his chest. He can see where Sebastian is still hard in his pants.

“Because virgins always get clingy as fuck,” Sebastian says. “I don’t need you hanging on to me like a limpet for the rest of the year, acting like we’re in fucking love because I was your first. Plus, no offense, but virgins aren’t exactly stellar in bed.”

Blaine feels like he just got punched in the stomach. “But…” he trails off, too embarrassed to say the words I want you to be my first.

“Look, Blaine,” Sebastian comes over to the bed and leans over, face close to Blaine’s. “You’re really hot. Like, really hot.” He smirks as his eyes go down to where Blaine is still shirtless. “This is just… a thing, for me. A deal breaker.” He leans forward and kisses Blaine, much softer than before. “Call me when you get rid of that pesky virginity, huh? I have no problem being a guy’s number two.”

He winks and then hurries out of the room, leaving Blaine sitting on his bed, clinging to his shirt, wondering how the hell things went so wrong so fast.

He never could have expected this turn of events. From what he’d read online he’d assumed that Sebastian would love that he was a virgin. Almost every porno he’d ever seen involved somebody having their first time, and he’d found multiple forums entirely dedicated to guys who got off on taking people’s virginity. He thought Sebastian would think it was hot.

Starting to feel a little light-headed from the earlier alcohol, Blaine pulls his shirt on and leaves the room. He hurries down the stairs and out of the house, not wanting to stop and talk to anybody.

He feels beyond humiliated. He may not come to a lot of these things, but he knows that Sebastian hooks up at almost every house party he throws. He’s never heard of a guy going upstairs with Sebastian Smythe and not returning absolutely well fucked.

It’s probably going to get out that Blaine wasn’t good enough for Sebastian. Everyone will know, and Blaine will never live it down. He’ll always be that guy that Sebastian Smythe refused to sleep with – and what’s worse is that he probably lost any chance of ever sleeping with Sebastian anyway. He’s wanted to for so long.

“Hey,” he hears a soft voice and turns to see Kurt sitting on the porch of Sebastian’s house. “I’m surprised to see you out here. Didn’t you just go upstairs with Sebastian like… five minutes ago?”

Blaine scoffs and shakes his head. “I don’t want to talk about it,” he says.

Kurt stands up and approaches him slowly. “Blaine…”

“Did you drive here?” Blaine asks. Kurt has a hand stretched out towards him, and it freezes.

“Um. Yes?”

“Are you drunk?”

Kurt shakes his head. “I haven’t had anything.”

Blaine glances back at the house, then says, “Can you drive me back to Dalton? I know I’m asking you to leave the party early, but-”

“No, it’s fine,” Kurt says. “I was, um. I was probably going to leave soon anyway.”

Blaine nods and follows Kurt down Sebastian’s stupidly long drive way. He’s parked near the gate, at the end of a long line of cars.

Blaine stumbles a little as he gets into the passenger seat. He fastens his seatbelt, then turns to look out the window, feeling hot tears of humiliation burning in his eyes.

It was all going so well. He got Sebastian’s attention, he made him jealous, they were kissing. Blaine had his mouth on Sebastian’s dick.

He shouldn’t have said anything. He should have just sucked Sebastian’s dick and let him fuck him and reveal that it was his first time after.

“Blaine?” Kurt says carefully, pulling out of his parking spot. Blaine shuts his eyes, as if that’s going to stop the tears from falling. “Are you crying?”

“God,” Blaine shakes his head, wiping under his eyes with the heel of his palm. “This is so… so pathetic. I’m sorry.”

“You, um,” Kurt cleared his throat as he started on a three point turn, pointing them toward the Smythe’s entrance gate. “You don’t have to tell me anything, but… whatever happened, you’re not pathetic. I swear.”

Blaine shakes his head again, and another tear runs down his cheek. “No, I am,” he says. “Do you even know how long it took me to be okay with the fact that I would probably only ever have one night with Sebastian?” He wipes the tear away. “Now I don’t even get that.”

The gate opens automatically when they stop in front of it. When he’d arrived, Blaine had felt very impressed by that.

“I didn’t realize you liked Sebastian,” Kurt murmurs as he turns onto the road.

Blaine snorts. “Yeah, well.” He picks at his jeans, his stupid, tight jeans. “I do. Not that it matters.” He leans his head against the window. “I was stupid to think I had a chance anyway.”

“Don’t say that,” Kurt says instantly. “Sebastian’s an idiot for turning you away.”

Blaine sits back up and glances at Kurt. Kurt is focused on the road, but there’s a hint of pink high on his cheeks.

Blaine settles more comfortably into his chair. “Can I ask you something?”

Kurt nods. “Anything.”

Blaine presses his lips together, trying to find the appropriate way to word his question. “Why – no,” he shakes his head and rubs his hands over his face. “You… Trent told me that you took his virginity.”

Kurt glances over at him, but looks away when he sees Blaine staring. “That’s not really a question.”

“And I know you took Chandler’s virginity; plus, you know… I’ve heard rumours.”

Kurt shifts in his seat. “I still don’t know what you’re asking.”

“Why do you like that? Taking people’s virginities? It seems like that’s… basically all you do.”

It’s what he’s known for, really, at Dalton. Last year, when Blaine was a sophomore, he heard four – four – gay guys mentioning that Kurt was their first time. While studying, a freshman one table over told his friend he was tired of being a virgin, and his friend mentioned Kurt’s name. At the other party Blaine went to, Kurt was greeted by a friend shouting “De-virginator is in the house!” which made Kurt blush and tell him to shut up.

Blaine tries not to pay attention to gossip (he doesn’t really care enough about any of it), but it’s hard to ignore a reputation like Kurt has. There’s only a few guys like that at Dalton, who everybody seems to know about, and, well, Blaine may be a bit of a homebody without that many friends, but even he’s not sheltered enough to not know about those guys.

“I don’t just take people’s virginities,” Kurt says, and Blaine sees that his face is even redder than before. “I… A lot of the guy’s I go out with just so happen to be virgins, but that’s not…”

“So you don’t like it?” Blaine asks, raising a skeptical eyebrow.

“I didn’t say that,” Kurt replies. “I just –” he stutters a little, then frowns. “Why do you want to know?”

Blaine sighs. He pulls a knee up to his chest and rests his cheek on it. “Sebastian says he doesn’t fuck virgins,” he says quietly. “He said it’s not worth the trouble, that virgins get too clingy, and that they’re bad in bed.”

Kurt doesn’t say anything for a few moments, and Blaine glances over to him. His knuckles are white on the steering wheel, and his lips are pressed tightly together. His brow is crinkled, jaw set.

He looks over at Blaine, and holds his gaze for a few moments before he turns back to the road.

“I know you like Sebastian,” Kurt finally speaks, voice quiet; controlled. “So please don’t take this the wrong way – but that’s exactly why I… do that.”

Blaine frowns. “I don’t understand.”

Kurt rolls his shoulders and flexes his fingers. “Look, last year… I mean, you know. I sort of got a reputation. But I want to make it clear that I never sought anybody out. I’m not some kind of… seducing player, or whatever.” His cheeks are bright red at this point, but his knuckles are still white. “It wasn’t as many as you’ve probably heard but…” he shakes his head. “That’s not the point. The point is that guys started approaching me. Asked me to help them out. And I didn’t…” he glances over at Blaine, and Blaine raises an eyebrow. “I didn’t want someone like Sebastian being their first instead, okay?”

Blaine’s frown deepens. “What do you mean? Sebastian doesn’t even-”

“Yeah, but he’s not the only gay guy in all of Ohio, you know?” Kurt says. “A lot of guys just don’t care if it’s your first time or your fiftieth. They just care about themselves, you know? And I may not be… I know I don’t look like Sebastian, or guys like him, but I’m nice, and I’m gentle, and I try my best to make it good.”

“Oh,” Blaine says quietly.

“Does that answer your question?” Kurt asks, voice soft.

Blaine nods. He lowers his foot to the floor and slumps in his seat, cheek falling against the window once more. “It does,” he says.

Silence takes over the car, and soon enough Kurt has reached out and turned on the radio, filling the void with songs far too similar to those blasting in Sebastian’s house.

Blaine feels like his brain is caught. He’s stuck in a constant loop between Sebastian kissing him and telling him to call him when he’s no longer a virgin, and Kurt quietly telling him that he likes to make it good for the guys he sleeps with.

He sucks on the inside of his cheek, thoughts whirring. He really, really, desperately wants Sebastian to be his first, which is why his mind instantly assumed he would simply never have a night with Sebastian ever, but…

Well, it’s not like he’s never going to have sex. He’s not going to die a sad, ninety-year-old virgin because the guy he had a crush on in high school didn’t want to sleep with him. Sure, he really likes Sebastian, but not that much.

He glances at Kurt out of the corner of his eye, chewing on his bottom lip. Earlier, before everything went wrong, Kurt was so nice to him. He talked to him, made him a drink, danced with him…

He didn’t have to. It’s not like he and Kurt are really friends. Sure, they hung out at that one party, and he saw Kurt a few times over the summer when he went to the Lima Bean, where Kurt worked, but they’re not close. There was really no reason for Kurt to be so friendly.

I try my best to make it good.

Blaine swallows thickly, heart stuttering in his chest.

Kurt isn’t exactly ugly, either. Incredible shoulders and slim muscles aside, he has a jawline to die for, and his eyes are the exact color of the ocean. As they’d danced, Blaine understood why people wanted to lose their virginity to Kurt, but now more than ever…

Kurt catches his eye and smiles softly. Blaine turns away quickly, cheeks burning in embarrassment at being caught. He stares at the road ahead, heart thumping in his chest.

He’s going to get over Sebastian eventually, right? Even if they spend the night together, it’s not like Sebastian is going to be his boyfriend. And Kurt has that guy he likes, so…

Would Kurt do that? Even with that guy he has his eye on in the picture? Clearly they aren’t together yet, so it’s not like he’d be cheating on him. And even if the guy is a virgin (as seems to be Kurt’s type), it’s not like Blaine would be taking too much from him. Kurt’s already slept with a good quarter of the student body at Dalton (or, so the rumors say). What’s one more before he gets with the love of his life?

His head is spinning, though he doubts it’s from the minimal amount of alcohol he consumed earlier. He glances at Kurt again, and sees that he still has a small smile on his face, body far more relaxed than it was earlier.

I try my best to make it good.

The gateway to Dalton appears, and Blaine sits up straighter in his seat. Kurt slows the car down until he reaches the small booth, manned by one of the many security guards.

“ID?” the man asks, and Kurt produces his student card in a second. It takes Blaine a little longer, brain trying to catch up after being lost in his own thoughts for some time. He hands his to Kurt, who gives it to the security guard.

The man glances between them. “You boys are out late,” he comments. “You both sign out?”

Both nod. The man looks back down at their ID’s, then hands them back to Kurt, nods his head, and opens the gate for them.

They remain silent as Kurt navigates the Dalton parking lot, finding his assigned lot and parking smoothly.

Blaine licks his lips as he undoes his seatbelt. He glances as Kurt once more and his heart stutters in his chest.

The boy really is gorgeous.

He steps out of the car, stuffing his wallet back into his pocket with a little difficulty. Kurt gets out as well, and the car behind them clicks loudly as Kurt locks the doors.

“Um,” Blaine wipes his hands on his jeans. “Will you walk me to my room? I don’t think I’m ready to be alone yet.”

Kurt nods instantly, smiling yet again. It’s like his face lights up when he smiles, and Blaine can just see it now, that beautiful smile above him as Kurt thrusts in and out of him gently.

He blushes and looks down to the ground.

Maybe he’s going too fast. It doesn’t have to be tonight. He can get to know Kurt better first. Hang out with him after class, at lunch. He wouldn’t exactly mind becoming friends with Kurt either way.

Still, he planned on losing his virginity tonight. He’s ready. Who cares if it isn’t with the guy he originally planned to lose it with?

Blaine swipes his student card in order to enter the dorm and holds the door open for Kurt, who follows him, thanking him quietly as he passes, giving Blaine a small, secret smile.

Does he know? Does he suspect?

He must. Blaine told him he was a virgin, and then had him explain why he sleeps with virgins. He must at least be considering…

They sign back in, with the security guard watching them carefully, clearly trying to sense if they’re intoxicated. She doesn’t say anything, though, and soon they’re standing in the dorm elevator, the ‘three’ button glowing as the elevator moves up slowly.

Kurt’s on the fifth floor, like most seniors. Blaine picks at the skin around his thumb. Will Kurt be taking this same elevator up there in just a few minutes, or tomorrow morning?

Blaine steps out of the elevator first, but makes sure not to walk ahead of Kurt, keeping step with him easily. They don’t say much, but it feels comfortable. Not like it had in the car.

They reach Blaine’s room, and Blaine takes a deep breath. Now or never.

“Thank you so much for being there for me tonight,” he says, leaning against his door and glancing up from beneath his lashes, hoping it looks as good as it does when the guys in porn do it.

“Of course,” Kurt says.

“I, um,” Blaine clears his throat. “I’m sorry you had to leave early because of me. The guy you like might have showed up. You could have had a shot with him.”

Kurt smiles, like he has a secret, and says, “Really, Blaine. Don’t worry about it.”

Blaine’s heart is going a mile a minute. He says, “I want to make it up to you.”

“Blaine, I’m serious. You don’t have to-”

Blaine cuts him off by moving forward, placing his hands on Kurt’s shoulders, and pressing their lips together.

It’s soft, sweet, nothing like the completely overtaking kiss he shared with Sebastian earlier. Kurt lets him lead, though he responds much better than Blaine had with Sebastian. His hands come back to Blaine’s hips, right where they’d been when they were dancing, and Blaine presses himself even closer.

He breaks the kiss, but stays close.

“Blaine…” Kurt breathes out his name, like a prayer, and a shiver runs down Blaine’s spine. He could definitely get used to hearing that.

“Do you, um.” Blaine fiddles with one of Kurt’s shirt buttons. “Do you want to come inside?”

Kurt’s eyes flutter open slowly. He looks over Blaine’s face, chest heaving. Blaine pops the button he’s been playing with free, making his intentions as clear as he can.

Kurt’s eyes shut again and he takes a step back. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” The words sound like they are physically painful to speak, and feel like a slap in the face.

“What?” Blaine gasps. “Why not?”

Kurt shakes his head. “It’s… it’s been a long night. You’ve been through a lot.”

“With you,” Blaine says, stepping back into Kurt’s space. “You were there for me, all night. I want…” he undoes another button carefully. “I want you to be there for me again.”

Kurt just shakes his head again. He takes Blaine’s hands in his and brings them up to his lips, kissing his knuckles so softly it barely feels like a caress.

“You have no idea how hard it is for me to say no to you right now,” he whispers. “But it’s not…” he meets Blaine’s eyes, and Blaine can see how conflicted he is. “It’s not a good time. Not tonight.”

Somehow, this feels worse than Sebastian’s rejection. This is Kurt. The de-virginator of Dalton Academy.

If Kurt doesn’t want to sleep with him, who the hell will?

“Right,” Blaine says. He pulls his hands to himself. “I understand.”

“Blaine,” Kurt says before Blaine can even begin turning away. He cups Blaine’s face in his hands and tilts his jaw up. He presses a kiss to Blaine’s bottom lip, sucking it into his mouth after a few moments. Blaine feels his knees go weak and he clutches at Kurt’s shoulder.

Kurt’s tongue sweeps over Blaine’s bottom lip, and then he’s gone. Blaine leans his face forward, chasing Kurt’s lips, eyes opening slowly. He didn’t even realize he’d closed them.

“Do you want to have lunch tomorrow?” Kurt asks, stroking the apple of Blaine’s cheek with his thumb.

His eyes are so, so beautiful. Blaine feels like he’s drowning in them.

He nods. “Yeah,” he says, breathless.

Kurt smiles. “Great,” he says. He leans back in for a short peck, barely giving Blaine time to respond before he’s moving away. “I’ll pick you up at one?”

“One,” Blaine repeats, nodding slowly.

“One,” Kurt repeats back, and then he’s gone, back down the hall and into the elevator. Blaine falls back against the wall by his door, lips tingling, feeling far less rejected than he did a few moments ago.

It isn’t until he’s tucked in bed that night, head swimming with thoughts of Kurt, that he remembers why he kissed Kurt in the first place.

Chapter Two