#i really wouldnt be able to exactly explain why its so boring to me but i found gf boring too (sorry)

[worldofgoo]

okay so im not crazy for assuming inside j*b was a kids cartoon. besides the style and fanbase overlap apparently a bunch of the executive producers are from grvity falls

[absolutelyfizzing]

unwanted feelings

james potter x reader

description - You'd had a crush on James Potter for years and when he kisses Lily Evans in front of you, you are heart broken. Later you find that he didn't actually feel as you expected and he explains himself.

warnings - some angst, unsure reader, fem pronouns, self doubt, negative self talk, not eating for a day cause reader is avoiding someone

word count - 2800

A/N - so this one isn't my best work by far but i wrote it so looks like its getting posted. i don't know why all of my reader inserts lately are so fem and sort of bubbly, i guess it's sort of what i'm aiming for for myself right now but i'm sorry if it maybe isn't coming off as relatable.

MASTERLIST

Your throat tightened in anxiety as you watched James zoom around the pitch. He was reckless when he was playing quidditch and it was one of the things that made him great at the game and an excellent captain. It was also the thing that nearly gave you a heart attack every time you watched him play. You went to every one of his games and you always wore something of his with his colors when you were in the stands. You were stood up on your seat and a slightly bored looking Remus sat to your right, reading from a book you didn't recognize. You'd thought that Sirius playing would be enough to keep him interested but sports was just not something he enjoyed watching. You were usually that way as well but whenever James was playing, suddenly you were the most intent spectator in the stands.

You were more worried than you should have been. More worried than what was appropriate for a friend to be. That's what you were, friends. That had been reinforced many times by the shaggy haired boy and you tried desperately to get it through your head before you embarrassed yourself one of these days. Sometimes though, you just couldn't help it.

Really you might have thought he reciprocated if you didn't know any better. You often got comments on what an attractive couple you guys were but each time it was quickly corrected by James. Normally along the lines of 'Oh god no, we are just friends. Purely platonic' , sometimes followed by a shudder or a gag even. It upset you every time to no end but you played along. You rarely, if ever, contributed to the shooting down of any feelings but that was never noticed by the man you had feelings for.

You'd had a crush on him since you were probably in your second year and now you were coming to the middle of your seventh. There were a million times that you almost said something but every time there was a reminder that you were not the one he had eyes for. It usually took the shape of disgust at the thought of dating you or commentary as he pined over the Evans girl who you felt you could never compete with. How could you when she was just perfect. You saw her to the left of you as she stood in the stands as well and your hands shook with insecurity before looking back toward the game. Your heart raced nearly as quickly as James did around the pitch and you prayed that the snitch would be caught soon so that you could get rid of the stress surrounding you. You felt a hand on your right shoulder and you looked over to find Remus had stood and was looking at you caringly.

"Are you alright, Y/N?" He asked softly and you tried your very best to soften your gaze and calm your stance so you appeared less concerned with someone that you shouldn't have that much interest in in the first place.

"Of course I am. When am I not?" You smiled before looking out at the pitch.

"When youre watching the guy you're in love with play a dangerous game that you don't like." He stated simply in response to the question you meant to be rhetorical and your eyes widened.

"I don't know what youre talking about." You nearly whispered and Remus smiled.

"I'm not gonna tell anyone Y/N but its not exactly subtle. It probably doesn't help that I know the look on your face because it's how I feel too watching Sirius play." He was still smirking but your anxiety was far from eased.

"Oh god, does he know?" You asked scaredly, terrified that the answer would be yes and you would have to stop spending time with him.

"Shockingly, no." You sighed out in relief but Remus continued. "You should tell him though or else he might end up moving on."

"What do you mean? There's nothing for him to move on from. Everyone knows he's in love with Evans and he has made it pretty clear that he is opposed to being anything more than a friendly relationship with me." You choked out, struggling with the words leaving your lips but knowing them to be true.

"I mean he has a minor crush on Evans but it's nothing compared to the annoyingly huge crush he has on you. He's probably just overcompensating for the fact that he's insecure and doesn't want you to reject him."

"Why are you telling me this?" You asked sincerely. You were friends with Remus as you were with the rest of the marauders but it was nothing compared to the friendship they held within their group. You knew Remus was more loyal to James than to you so you couldn't understand why, if it was true, Remus would be telling you at all.

"Because he is trying desperately to move on seeing as he is under the impression that you aren't into him and I'd hate to see him throw something away that could be really good for him." Remus smiled gently and you looked at him gratefully.

"I really appreciate you telling me and all but I just don't think I can believe you. I can't even count how many times he has made a big show of not liking me. I love him too much to ruin what we have and I know that if I confessed and it went bad that I would lose him all together. I would rather have him in my life in a way that hurts than not have him in it at all." You stated sadly and Remus sighed but nodded in understanding.

"I get it but just know that I'm being honest and pretty soon he is going to give up on it. I just want to see you both happy but if its too big of a leap, I understand. That's exactly the excuse he tells the rest of us too."

Suddenly cheers erupted from the stands, cutting your conversation with Remus off as everyone ran to rush the pitch. The snitch had been caught and gryffindor won. You were excited for James but you were also a little terrified to walk onto the pitch to see him with the now conflicted thoughts running through your head. Your thoughts were stopped by the image in front of you which was causing the whole crowd to cheer. James had pulled Lily Evans into a kiss in his excitement and your heart stopped. You felt nausea rise in your throat and Remus caught your eye with a sympathetic look. You didn't look at him for longer than a second and you ran off the pitch with tears streaming down your face. You found your way up to your dorm, pushing yourself to get there quickly before the common room filled with students celebrating their victory. James was always one to love attention so he would be getting crazy after the game which he did just about every time they won.

When you made it to your bed, you hurried under the covers, throwing the shirt you were wearing which belonged to James onto the floor. You felt your heart clench at the despair you felt. You wanted to be upset at Remus for getting your hopes up but you knew he was sincere in his want to help. Still you felt that you would probably not be able to face James in the weeks to come. Maybe, given a little time, you could be around him and not be upset at the world for taking away your chance with him. As you laid in your bed, you stared at the ceiling. You felt tears streaming down your face and you grew angry at yourself. He didn't owe you anything, he wasn't into you. That wasn't his fault and it was so unfair of you to expect anything more from him when your feelings were not his responsibility.

You weren't sure how long you laid there but you could hear the party start and end in the common room. It must have been late. Sleep wouldnt come though, you could just feel your heart continue to break and you were stuck in a loop of self pity. You made the decision that the following days would be spent away from James if you could at all help it. That was probably what he wanted anyway and it was the only way that you would get over the pain you were feeling. At some point your roomates entered your dorm and sleep overtook you for a few restless hours.

When you woke up, the sun was barely on the rise. You hurried up and got dressed and ready. You were planning on getting to breakfast early to avoid running into any of the marauders. You found your plans were not going how you wanted when you entered the great hall to find a head of red hair next to a mop of black. Your throat tightened and you quickly moved to turn and head out of the great hall. You heard a familiar voice call your name but you rushed out before you could give it too much thought. You knew that if you let him try to convince you, you would end up having a very upsetting breakfast with your best friend and his new lover. You would rather avoid breakfast.

Throughout the day, avoiding James was proving to be harder than you had thought it would be. You had many of your classes with him and you even sat next to him in a few. He was insistently trying to get you to open up about why you were suddenly so closed off to him but you remained shut off, reassuring him that nothing was wrong and you were just a little tired from the game the day before. You avoided lunch for the same reason as you had avoided breakfast and you felt yourself starting to get a bit lightheaded. Your afternoon was spent avoiding James but soon he was preoccupied with Lily anyway.

You were hid in a corner of the library when a cough alerted you of someone's presence. You looked up to find the very eyes you hadn't wanted to see.

You pushed it down with a gulp and smiled a bit at him, trying desperately to keep the tears at bay but they were growing harder to hold back after keeping everything pent up all day. It probably didn't help that you were hungry and therefor a bit more emotional. You could feel the tears sitting in your eyes, waiting for something to go wrong so they had an excuse to escape you.

"I don't know what I did wrong." He mumbled while looking at the floor in front of you and you took a deep breath.

"There's nothing wrong James, I promise. It's just been a long day." You smiled and your heart picked up speed.

"Since when did we lie to each other?" He questioned and your heart stopped. You were left unsure how to respond.

"Since the truth would cause more damage than good." You spoke honestly. At this he looked up at you and your eyes met. A tear left you and James immediately moved to comfort you but you tried to move away, standing quickly to evade him. You regretted it as spots filled your vision, the lack of food catching up to you. You know that you turned a bit green for a moment because James looked slightly scared.

"Y/N I dont know whats wrong but you look like you should be getting to the hospital wing. You don't look well."

Before you could answer you felt your vision blacken and your legs give out before your consciousness left you completely.

When you woke up, you knew you were in the hospital wing. It smelled sterile and the bed was stiff underneath you. When you started to wake madam pomfrey came to check on you.

"You can't go around with an empty stomach like that again, do you hear me?" She scolded, though her eyes were soft. You nodded solemnly. "I was alerted that you hadn't been to the great hall to eat all day, you have to know that isn't good for you. I'm gonna have a prefect watch out for you the next couple days to make sure you're eating at meal times. Understood?" She asked again and once more you nodded before leaning back and sighing. You looked at your surroundings and were surprised to see the black haired boy next to your bed fast asleep. Your heart took off again and you felt trapped by your environment. As anxiety swirled around in your chest, James had woken up a bit.

"You're awake." James sighed, laced with relief. You still wouldn't make eye contact with him.  You felt the bed dip as he sat on it and you looked up to watch him put his head in his hands as he leaned over. You felt guilt fill your chest more than it already had from hating that you felt any claim over the man in front of you. You knew you were in the wrong and the last thing you wanted was to cause him any pain. "Remus talked to me." He almost whispered.

At that moment, you wished you could have apparated to anywhere else in the world. You looked back down at your lap and tears were once again brought to your eyes. You felt betrayal that Remus would reveal your feelings to James.

"I'm sorry." You apologized and you fiddled with your fingers.

"Why are you the one apologizing, I'm the one whos behaved poorly." He assures and you shake your head.

"That's not fair to yourself. You're allowed to want to be with whomever you want and my feelings should have no effect on that. You've made it clear for years that you weren't interested in me and it is my fault that I couldn't take a hint. I'm so sorry." You gushed out and tears started to fall from your eyes. You felt James get up from your bed and you prepared him to leave but instead you felt arms wrap around you and a kiss came to your head.

"Y/N I have had feelings for you for years. I was just always too scared for myself to even consider that you might feel the same." He whispered out but you felt only a different kind of pain. Even though he had now admitted his feelings, he was still dating Lily. Not you. Almost as if he could hear your thoughts he spoke quietly. "I broke it off with Evans." You pulled away immediately.

"What? Why would you do that?" You asked quickly and before he had a chance to answer you feared the worst. "Oh god is it because of me? James please dont let my feelings have any bearing on who you want to date, I can't stand the thought of being the reason you broke up. Even if we do have feelings for each other, you deserve a chance with Lily if that's what you want."

"It was mutual, actually. She understood that I had feelings for you and she said she had a crush on someone else. It just seemed like I had kissed her a bit rashly on the quidditch pitch and we agreed that we shouldn't have gotten together in the first place. It was only a day anyway." He reassured as he explained himself and you calmed a bit.

"So what does this mean." You got out, almost inaudibly.

"It means that, if you'll have me, I'd like to take you out on a date." He stated as if it were the simplest thing in the world and you almost couldn't believe your ears. Before you were even thinking you were nodding quickly, causing spots to once again fill your vision and James grabbed your shoulders to stabilize you before you both laughed. He pulled you by your shoulders toward him and he caught your lips in a kiss that somehow expressed all of the years of repressed feelings. When he pulled away he smiled at you and sat back on your bed. He spent the rest of the day with you in the hospital wing talking about all of the places he was going to take you in the coming weeks.

[jjkpls]

the wishlist (m) - 3

“You used it.”

> genre : smut, fluff

> pairing : jeon jungkook x reader (f)

> words : 4.2k

> content/warnings : back at it again w/ the bff2l; one sided love, lot of pining; sextoys talk and use; explicit language; masturbation (f); ambiguous infidelity; awkward oc; koo being cute but insufferable

previous - next

For about a week and a half, you simply ignore the outrageous box sitting in the centre of your living room.

If you omit to remember what’s inside, it’s just a nice-looking decoration, embellishing your messy coffee table. It’s perfectly fine sitting between the unopened mails and the takeout brochures. You see Jungkook glance at it each time he comes over but he has the decency to not mention it. You might have read a little disappointment but he didn’t share it with you, not wanting to bother you, as you rightfully assumed, and in any case, you’re just doing exactly what you said you would: not use it. 

Then comes a glorious day of resting from work for you, and miraculously it matches your two closest girl friends' schedules and they owe to come over, celebrate a belated Christmas with you. And as you’re quickly tidying up the place, the question of the box being way too present here is raised again. They will ask about it. One will surely open it before you even get to answer.

The box has to go. 

And in your room, hidden in your bedside table where you know no one will peak, it goes. 

When you wake up from the fantastic, long-awaited Christmas celebration, it’s with a terrible headache. Mary, the amateur singer, received a ridiculous karaoke mic and if karaoke is involved, so is alcohol. You didn’t know that but apparently, you can get a severe almost deadly hangover from rosé. Well. Starting this new year already learning new things, how great. 

One thing that’s unchanged for this new year, as it seems, is Jungkook's talent for psychic arts. He somehow knows you need a copious breakfast made with love and by him, and the curious hangover shot only his roommate has the secret recipe of, to cope with being alive this morning. 

“Hello, Sunshine.” Your face feels so bloated and tensed at the same time like it’s made of playdoh and some devilish kid came and punched at it then squished it hard with its chubby mean fingers.

Very unpleasant.

You know you have very little to do with a ray of sunshine at the moment. You're more alike a gremlin or something. Therefore, as a gremlin would, you groan an answer. You catch through the minuscule slits you now own for eyelids a grin from him. It’s not even vexing or upsetting. His lovely, lovely smile is always a blessing. It’s the only thing that makes you not want to head back to bed and just sleep until death ensues. The pretty, pretty thing. With the big bunny front teeth. He is the sunshine. 

“Had fun last night?” He asks, still grinning, once he’s served you and himself two good plates of pancakes. He’s sitting in front of you, in front of this delicious looking good, yet he’s ogling you with a strange insistence. When he starts eating because you take too long to formulate a response, he munches slowly, still staring, instead of stuffing his face and swallow down the whole thing like a starving man, like he usually does. 

“Yeah. They spoiled me.” You say, quietly. You’re confused. You feel uneasy like there’s something you’re not getting. You hate this feeling. Usually, this friendship is filled with inside jokes you can make up exclusively via telepathy. But here you’re missing something, it feels. Or you might just be confused by the headache and possibly somehow still a bit drunk. 

“Oh did they?” The beam is even wider. You frown, nod, decide that it’s too early and your brain too foggy to try and investigate a confusion that might just be the product of your imagination. 

It doesn’t click then. It doesn’t click the next three times he asks you again, with slightly different formulations if, really, you had fun last night. 

He departs an hour later because he has an appointment with a client, as always leaving some of himself for your guilty pleasure and the marking on your eyelids of that curious grin. That curious mischievous grin. With the crooked shape, the white teeth looking menacing like a wolve’s and the eyebrows arched in suggestion.

How come such an attractive look can be so anxiety-inducing? You’re too fidgety, too confused and concerned to focus on anything. Remnants of the conversation rolling back again and again, trying to make sense of things that probably do not necessitate further explaining. 

The whole ordeal made you so nervous, you end up after an hour of trying to go about your day and failing poorly, sitting on your sofa, lotus style, eyes closed and hands turned up to the universe (hoping It might offer you some clearance It would just drop off in your palms). The thing is meditating is hard. Making so your brain would shut the fuck up is hard as hell. And you suck at it. 

Spoiler alert, you don’t reach the state of inner peace and quiet you wished to find. Instead, you make enough silence for your noggins to be more performing and suddenly it hits. Your eyes grow ten times in size, you almost fall from your sit for the shock is violent.

The moron.

You or him, probably both. 

You

I did NOT use it.

You

I put it away because the girls were coming over but I DID NOT USE IT

He simply replies with a winking emoji and you hate him for it. 

You

Jeon Jungkook, ur a dick I said I wouldnt use it EVER and I won’t, have a nice day moron. 

And again, this time, you mean it. You’ve never said anything with this much conviction in these twenty-five years of living.

Why would you now? When you now have experienced what it felt to have him look at you thinking you’ve done it. It felt mortifying without even knowing why. In all the case scenarios you could have come up with, you’ve never imagined that one. You would use it, he would know about it somehow, he wouldn’t be disgusted (it wouldn’t make sense for him to be as he is the one who offered it to you but your brain and soft ego sometimes are annoying like that), he would be amused, maybe content, but he wouldn't make you feel mortified. 

Having him considering you in a sexual position should be... cool, shouldn’t it? If you really like him that much. Maybe you were confused all along and actually, you don’t, you mistook your own feelings. 

Just a quick check of a mental picture you have of him, the fond smile growing just from his pretty face with the pretty everything on it can’t be trusted because, for all you know, everyone smiles this way when they think about him. On the other hand, the swift blush invading your cheeks when you (by accident) linger on parts you really really like about him -like his thighs or the man titties he’s been growing lately- serve to remind you that yes, yes indeed you like him. 

But he’s an asshole.

No matter how much you thought about it (and you thought about it a lot even though you’re ashamed to admit it), you've never consider it to realize, you never and you still don’t believe anything non-platonic would ever happen with him. You’re just made to be friends. The best of friends but still just friends. 

Not even taking a step but simply dipping the tips of your toes in these unknown waters turns out to be terrifying and you're mad at him because he’s putting you in this situation where you feel awfully uneasy. 

It should all remain a very personal, very intimate fantasy: your attraction for him.

He cracked the wall for a second, it felt wrong and terrible but it’s done and over with now.

It’s only you and your thoughts. 

You don’t ever mention it, he doesn’t bring it back up. Soon the season of celebrations and wishes is behind you, the world starts rolling slowly, boringly so with its lots of little annoyances and distractions and you’re not even thinking about it anymore, neither is he. 

You’re stressed out. Work is being a bitch as it does. And because it sucks most of your time and patience, the only quick way to unwind you know comes to play. 

But the hassle is not worth it. Unfortunately this you always need to realize afterwards. After having searched the internet for good masturbatory content for half an hour, working yourself for two hours and then, there’s the safety wee and the freshening up before bed, to wake up the next morning feeling like shit because of course, you sacrificed hours of sleep for an unsatisfactory outcome.

It’s not worth it.

It hasn’t been for months. Even if you’re still more able to take care of yourself and pleasure yourself better than most if not all men you’ve ever been with, something is missing: a man (or maybe just a dick). 

You feel bored and empty (in both senses). Stuck because the more you need to unwind, the more you try, the less you feel better. 

It’s the snake biting its own tail. 

Until a certain pretty blue box, sleeping inside your bedside table, recalls itself to you. It feels like a century had passed since the box arrived in your life, it doesn’t seem as scary as it used to, as stressful. The fact that Jungkook hasn’t mentioned it, might even has himself forgotten about it, help immensely. 

And it is the very moment, you forget to remember about this promise you made to him and yourself, the promise that you would not use it. 

Right about now, not only stressed and annoyed by everything but also horny for no particular reason, this dildo with the box that matches your planner sounds ideal. 

And it is ideal.

Feels like exactly what you needed. The size is not ridiculously big, it’s fairly tiny actually but given you haven’t had sex in a while, it suffices to stretch you out just fine. It’s new and exciting. The texture feels really nice, smooth, slipping perfectly right between your walls. It’s rather long, slightly curved, filling you in deep and teasing the spot that you could never even dream of reaching with your short ass fingers. And in no time (and you actually regret that) you’re on cloud 9, it’s a thought of the Santa that brought this blessing of a gift in your life that sends you there. You feel satisfied, content, fulfilled from the tip of your hair to your toes, smiling like an idiot because damn, that was a good orgasm. 

Right this moment, you feel fine about using the present. About quickly having thought about him too because it’s not that much of a big deal. He won’t know about it. He doesn’t really seem to care about your sex life anymore (which is, ironically, a blessing). Therefore why should there be a problem? Why would there be?

Apparently, you’ve underestimated the crankiness of your attitude for the few weeks that passed before the phenomenal orgasm. 

Apparently, you had been the worst kind of truculent bitch there is, to a level you didn’t even know you could reach (also no one told you!), because when Jungkook meets up with you, maybe after the third or fourth times of having used your lovely new companion, he noticed something has changed. Instantly. 

“What’s going on?” He asks with a bright smile and excited shiny eyes as if he expects you to have great news to share. 

“Nothing special...” Tilting your head to the side, you drag the words out as you try to think about it for a second, wondering if there’s something that needs to be told.

“Really?” He sucks on his banana yoghurt with eyebrows frowned, staring at you as if he’s studying you. Once the thing is empty, he tosses it in a nearby bin, crosses his arms on his chest and glares. He looks like a detective about to interrogate you. He would look intimidating if it were not for his lips, sucked in to gather the last taste of his yoghurt. “You look awfully happy.”

“Do I?” It makes you smile, shrug your shoulders. It doesn’t hit just then. It should be fine. He can’t unravel something that you don’t even have knowledge of, can he? But Jungkook is a little weasel. He loves to know everything.

Especially when it’s about you. 

“You better not be seeing anyone-“ You should wonder where this is coming from, all of a sudden. Instead, you take offence, how dares he?

“What do you mean ‘I better’? I do what-“

“Without telling me? You better not.” He has that shit-eating grin, his signature brat's smile, because he knows you can’t reach over the table to smack him in the head without risking to tip over your drinks or dip your sleeve in soja sauce. 

“Anyway. Nothing's going on.” For a second, a staring contest takes place on this convenience store's terrace. You’re not sure why. He’s daring you for no reason. Until his mouth twitches, wanting to smile and it makes you laugh so he follows along. “Were you not supposed to tell me about your next appointment?” 

“Client Amy, yes!” It shouldn’t make you laugh to hear him name her like that as it’s been his trademark to mention his clients as if they were Pokémon trainers but it does.

You’ve always thought that it’s his very personal way of living this childhood fantasy of existing within the Pokémon universe. His life is full of potential trainers. Most of the time it’s just Client Enter the Name here but sometimes it’s Baker Jin -who’s not actually a baker but a salesman at his neighbourhood’s bakery-, there’s Dancer Hoseok, who’s the main dance partner of his best friend and Roommate Park Jimin. Sometimes he calls you Friend Y/N, it’s frustratingly funny. You hate that you spill at least a nose snort at each and every single one of his stupid jokes. His grin always grows ten times bigger, his eyes twinkle in a lovely way but you know that you are encouraging him. Encouraging him to be fucking annoying, like a little brother who’s just pushing unfunny jokes too far, just keep repeating them because he knows he can get a reaction. “She wants me to tattoo the dragon from Spirited Away on her arm-“

You gasp and he smiles even wider. 

“I know, right? And I was thinking- to give it flow, I would have it- like fly through cherry blossoms.” Attentively, you listen, squinting a bit when he gets technical to try and picture the project you have a hard time making up alone in your mind.

Imagination and creativity have always been his thing. He had you impregnated with it long ago because he is too passionate and too much of a sharer to allow you to keep away from all arts -because you can’t hold a pencil straight without panicking at the idea of having to draw something- which you would have gladly done if it weren't for him. He’s the gifted one. And his drawings, either on paper, screen or skin, have always been a subject of huge admiration for you. You’re a bit ashamed to admit it but you’ve never really touched to anything really artistic. You often don’t really get it. But his stuff does something to you -and not only because you adore him but actually impartially. There’s no finesse, no pertinency, no trait nor emotion you’ve acknowledged and connected to better than the ones he creates. “You know this scene where he’s struggling against the little paper thingies and he’s flying through them and they’re going everywhere, I was thinking that, replace them with cherry blossoms. And there would be little petals like everywhere around it. Sounds cool?”

“It sounds fantastic.” You say honestly. You’re impressed by every single one of his projects. Always surprised, somehow, by the pieces he ends up making. Sometimes scrolling through the Instagram page he uses as a book, where he publishes his most elaborated, most expensive pieces and while recognizing his touch, the delicacy in his traits, the peculiar curls of certain lines, the overall feel to them, there’s always this sort of paradoxical disbelief. How could this kid make these and at the same time, who else but him to have made these?

Cute nose scrunches up. 

“I’ll send you my drawings when I’m done with them.”

“Cool.”

“Cool.” He is mimicking you. Same pose with the head nod and the leg cross. Same tone and same expression apart from the discreet light dancing in his eye. “So what’s up? You needed to talk to me about something yesterday, didn’t you?”

It takes a second for you to remember as the drastic change in your mood makes it seem the distressed text you sent him yesterday, right when you left work, was written a whole week ago. You don’t remember very well having felt so stressed and pissed off, pushed to your very limits by useless co-workers, that you felt the urgent need to rant about it all, vent your anger and frustration out to him. He was busy and didn’t answer right away. You got home, find the comfort of your sweater sitting on the warm heater and the glorious stand of your dildo and it all went away, bad mood, headache, grudges. 

Of course, it awakes a wave of shame within you. If you have been able to use it without feeling guilt nor embarrassment on your own, it’s something else to think about it in front of Jungkook. You’ve made sure not to think about this dildo in front of him ever. But here, it’s him recalling it to you without even knowing. 

Whatever, you can pretend that everything’s normal. With a barely natural cough, and the even more suspicious dismissive wave of the hand, you try to kill the conversation, “It was just my coworker getting on my nerves again, it’s whatever.”

Jungkook is watching you soundly. It’s nothing unusual for him. He’s the kind of persons that lean in when they listen to you, you never know how conscious they are of it but it’s like they really mean to make you feel important and heard. Therefore it shouldn’t worry you, he’s just doing his usual thing. 

It still makes you grow increasingly more nervous. 

It is factual that it is never “whatever”. The topic of your stupid dumb bitch of a coworker messing with you has always been a pressing subject you, every now and then, more often than you’d like, needed to ramble about to anyone willing to listen because she tended to make your life a pure living hell. The job sucks in itself but she made it a hundred times worse. And here you are, dismissing it. How suspicious. 

“When you texted me yesterday, I thought it was for something bad.” He starts, frowning and staring deep inside the empty cookie package sitting on the table. “Then I saw you earlier and I thought it was for something really good, because of your face.”

“What’s up with my face?” You try to play it cool. Play it nonchalant and oblivious. If you can’t see the aura of contentment he can visibly observe around you, surely you’ve seen the glow up your skin has encountered since you’ve started using this sex toy. Unexpected benefit of using it that wasn’t even listed on the box, the stress it’s relieved and the pleasure it’s given have just cleared your skin out. Unbelievable but true. And apparently, he noticed. 

“I don’t know. You look really... contented.”

“Contented?”

“Yeah...”

You shrug, looking down, at the crumbs on your side of the table, praying silently that the embarrassment you feel creeping up your face doesn’t show. “I’ve been used to you looking tired and all but you look-“ Like every single once of misery has been fucked out of your system. “Lately, you look... good.” The chosen adjective makes you tilt your head. For so many reasons, you didn’t expect to hear this one and for similar reasons, you don’t understand what he means. Without having you saying aloud anything, he gets your dubious grimace and chuckles, “Rejuvenated, actually.” Even worse.

To simplify in a few words, you used to look like an old decrepit hag and now that you’ve been thoroughly fucked -by yourself technically but still- you look rejuvenated. A word literally no one ever uses in real life.

You detest that he’s probably right. And now, embarrassment is not creeping but actually moving in, with all its stuff and luggage. Hopefully though, again, it doesn’t show on your stupid youthful face. “Are my compliments making you blush?”

Great. 

“You can’t make me blush, moron. And if you think those were compliments then-“ You give him big wide eyes of “well fuck” and of course he laughs at that. 

“Indeed, I can’t make you blush.” He has his serious, investigating type of expression again. You almost expect him to fetch a little notebook out of his pocket and start scribbling observations while asking you more questions. 

“What’s making you blush then?”

“I’m not blushing, it’s just hot.” His eyebrows jump in a rude disagreeing curve. You don’t get why. It can happen, to be hot outside, at the near end of Korea’s winter, while simultaneously having red and painful looking fingers on the verge of congelation desperately seeking warmth in your pockets. 

And maybe because it’s not the first time, he’s getting better at catching the signs, at drawing the lines in between the clues. Your caricatural post-orgasm happy face, your systematic defensiveness whenever the conversation is leading somehow to your sexuality, the blatant tell of shame on your cheeks when there’s nothing else ever that embarrass you in front of him. There’s only the common cause missing and quickly, ignoring completely your attempts at diverting the conversation on something else, a giant light bulb turns on on top of his head. It brings the light of understanding through his eyeballs who suddenly look extra bright. 

“You used it.” For a second, you consider packing up your things and just leave this fucking terrace along with the conversation. But you’re cold as fuck, the way home seems like too much torture to be going through alone.

Why are you like this?

Maybe there’s a vain hope that it will lead to some resolution. Some pleasant resolution. Maybe he won’t talk about it ever again if you just accept to have this conversation without showing the stubborn reluctance you’ve used each time. 

“Yes, I did. So what?” His grin is blinding. It’s one of the very very wide, very very bright ones. So wide it shows all his teeth and it doesn’t even look like the cute bunny smile anymore. It’s the predatory grin. It’s intimidating to solely focus on therefore you chose to pick the corner of his eyes and the top of his nose, all wrinkled up that have anything but intimidation to them. 

“You have no idea how happy that makes me.” You grimace. Indeed. You have no idea because you don’t even fucking understand. 

“You’re a weirdo.”

“I’m just happy you used my dildo.” You scoff and almost choke at both his phrasing and the way he so naturally says the word while you’re outside. There’s no one as dumb as you to sit outside with this weather but still, someone passing by could hear. 

Maybe there’s no deep further explanation to look for. Maybe it’s literally as simple as him getting you a present and him being happy that you found usefulness to it. Like most people. People are saddened sometimes pissed when they flop with presents. Maybe it’s that simple. 

“Don’t say it like that.” He cackles like a witch and you know, that once again he’s just messing with you, knowing exactly what to do or say to tickle your patience. 

“So I can gather it was good?” The worse of the nervous wave has passed. He asks quite nonchalantly. Perhaps it’s your ego wanting that but you hate the idea that you’d find yourself in a situation where he’s clearly more adult than you -even if on so many levels he is. If he can talk about it then you can. Try. You can try. 

“Hm. Was nice.” You kind of sound the way you do when as a teen your mom would ask you about your day and you just didn’t want to answer because of laziness, lack of interest, lack of willingness to share, but that will do. He nods, smiles with his lips tight, rather fondly. 

“How many times did you use it?”

Taking a deep breath, you mumble, shrugging faux casualness, “A few times.” More like a dozen times but he doesn’t need the details, does he? He nods again, still smiling, taking in your answer. 

“Cool.” And he’s satisfied. With the answer and the turns of events as it seems.

There you go, you did it.

You resolved the thing.

Now he can leave you alone with your fantasies and your -not his but your- dildo and there wouldn’t be any further occasion to bring it up. You might be a coward but it’s perfectly fine by you.

Sounds absolutely peachy.

If he chooses to play his part right.

A/N: oh myyy, we’re getting somewhere arn’t we? i really hope you enjoyed this part, let me know your thoughts, scream your frustration, i’m all ears (or eyes). next update will be a double one because the first part is quite short. hoping you’re excited. i wish you a beautiful sunday and a lovely week. take care, lots of lots love.

Tag list: @infernal-alpaca​ @kaepjjangiya​ @channiespup​ @jinsonaz​ @kpopfandomftw​ @ggukkieland​ (sorry love)

IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER, PLEASE ASK IN THE COMMENT, THANK YOU :))

[blxetsi]

armin arlert, mikasa ackerman, and eren jaeger polyamorous headcanons (modern au)

armin arlert x gn!reader, mikasa ackerman x gn!reader, eren jaeger x gn!reader, mikasa x armin x eren x gn!reader

warnings: uhh fluff, this is very long, reader has a gf b4 getting w ema,

this is like my first post since feb that isnt a request 😍😍😍 how did i pull this out of my ass

- obv eren, mikasa, and armin have been besties since childhood so its no wonder they all got together first 🤩🙏

- and theyre all hot so why wouldnt they wanna date each other

- i think armin and eren wouldve gotten together first, and then invited mikasa into their relationship

- the three of them have been officially going steady for like over a year now, and its going really well

- they didnt really expect you to drop into their lives tho

- youre an old friend of historia's and you two reconnected after you moved to the city, securing yourself a decent paying job working as a writer for the city paper

- you usually get the boring stuff, never able to get a good story to write about, focusing your time on heartwarming stories in the community or the sports column

- its boring but it pays the bills

- you were thankful when historia called you during your lunch and asked if you wanted to get drinks at a bar with her and a couple of other friends

- of course you said yes

- so historia and her girlfriend ymir picked you up after work, having dinner with them after a long week was the best, but you were a bit nervous to meet all of their friends

- thats how you met eren, mikasa and armin

- at first you were sure that mikasa and eren were dating, seeing as mikasa had her head on the taller man's shoulder, while his arm was wrapped around her

- but when armin leaned down to give mikasa a kiss before heading off to the bar you werent so sure

- ymir pulled you away to get more drinks and explained to you what the situation was, while commenting on the way you gawked at the three of them before

- you were embarassed to say the least but they didnt bring it up that night so you hoped the throuple didnt notice (they did)

- you really hit it off with all of them though, especially sasha and jean, and were constantly talked about among the friend group

- because of your demanding job dealing with writers block and deadlines you couldnt really meet up with all of them often, usually just having sleepovers at ymir and historia's apartment, the three of you drinking while you wrote on your laptop

- after a couple months of casual hangouts with historia and ymir and their friends, you kinda became one of them too which was nice

- you were added to the groupchat, you all followed each other on social media, and a certain brunet had taken a liking to you

- eren didnt know why exactly he was so attracted to you but he was, maybe it was your hair, or how pretty your skin looked even when oily or with breakouts, maybe it was your smile or your body or your sense of humor or you kindness or maybe it was all of it

- eren jaeger would always stay faithful to his boyfriend and girlfriend, but maybe they could add another person into the mix, more to love right ?

- he had only known you for a couple of months though, he didnt want to jump the gun and bring this up with his partners so soon, especially if they didnt feel the same way he did

- and it would be a bummer if you turned out to be a bad person or smth

- so summer rolls around with lots of memories being made with your new friends, as well as friends from work, and you get a girlfriend ??

- shes not really your girlfriend you two have only been out on a couple of dates and she kisses you a lot but, you havent talked about labels

- one night you, along with your friends are back at the same bar where you first met them

"so, tell us about the girl youre seeing." ymir says, smirking over her beer.

eren's ears perked up at the mention of you seeing someone. "girl ?"

historia nodded. "mhm ! y/n's been talking to someone recently, they've gone on dates and kissed and stuff."

"and stuff, jesus tori you make it sound like we've had sex." you sighed.

the blonde just laughed, leaning her body onto her freckled companion.

"well ? what about her ?" eren asks. armin slapped him on the arm, already having suspicions about eren's interest in you.

your shoulders sagged. "well, she's great and everything, truly..."

"but ? is there a but in this ?" connie asked. sasha started laughing at connie's use of the word but, while jean slapped the girl on the arm because of her reaction.

you shrugged, swirling what was left of your fruity cocktail in your glass. "well, i'm not sure. she's very lively, and sweet. but i don't know, i just don't see myself being able to be in a steady relationship with her."

"so you're gonna end it ?" eren asked. you thought he seemed a bit too eager about your failure in the love department.

"why do you care so much ? you like the thought of me being lonely ?" you shot back, before downing the rest of your drink.

"no i just-"

"i think what eren means is," mikasa intervened, her smooth voice calming you as she looked at you with a smile on her face. "is that there's no point in staying with her if you can't see yourself with her. don't lead her on."

you nodded. "you're exactly right my friend. which is the plan for tonight because i," you quickly checked the time on your phone. 8:17. "have a date with miss molly at nine, so i will be taking my leave."

the group engaged in a chorus of boos for leaving so early, while you chuckled and took the lighthearted insults thrown at you by sasha and connie with ease. grabbing all of your things you put down two twenties onto the table. "i'll see you guys later, have a goodnight." as you walked off you heard jean yell "have a good time you heartbreaker !" making you shake your head

- the date with molly went less then well. she yelled, and cried, and even tried hitting you at one point. your walk back from the park was spent blocking her on every form of social media you followed her on, and when you got back to your apartment you spent the night in a hot bath before retiring to bed

- meanwhile, armin and mikasa were trying to pry the truth out of eren, who was constantly denying his attraction to you

- finally mikasa took one for the team "eren, you aren't alone with the way you feel, i do too." this made eren more willing to open up to his partners

- armin doesnt say anything about you, only saying how youre kind. he doesnt feel the way that his girlfriend and boyfriend do, but he knows that may change

- soon enough, more time flies and christmas rolls around, with you all deciding to have a secret santa get together.

- historia invites everyone to her home on christmas eve, with ymir begrudgingly allowing it

- bertholdt and annie come too, reiner not being able to make it due to going home for christmas, while everyone else decided to stay in the city

- you picked out your secret santas at the beginning of november so you would all have enough time to find something for each other, you hoped whoever picked your name gave you something good

- after hours of games and karaoke and drinking you all decided it was time to open the presents

- ymir got socks from bertholdt, connie got an ugly beanie from ymir, historia got new pens from mikasa, mikasa got knitting needles from annie, annie got a dumbell from eren, jean got a not so appropriate t shirt from connie, jean gave sasha more comic books, armin gave new stationary paper to bertholdt, sasha gifted you that new biography you've been wanting to read and you gave armin your old copy of frankenstein by mary shelley

- he was surprised but very thankful, "how did you know i needed a new copy ?" "well i remember you said eren spilt water on your old one, and the pages just stuck together so i thought you might as well have mine"

- it warmed armin's heart that you remembered something so insignificant, and opened him up to the thought of being with you

- the rest of the night was spent with hugs and thankfulness, cheering when the clock struck 12 and it became christmas day

- after getting things cleaned up everyone decided it was time to leave, with armin, eren and mikasa offering to give you a ride home

- a ride where armin straight up kissed you in the backseat

- you stopped him of course, thinking that it was weird he would cheat on his partners right in front of them, while they were shocked all on their own for different reasons, armin who didnt have feelings for you KISSED you

- and surprisingly armin took the lead in explaining how he felt, why he kissed you, an apology for doing so, and an offer to start dating all three of them

- your heart was pounding in your ears and your entire face felt hot, it was probably the alcohol, or the way his lips felt so soft when they touched yours, so you said yes.

- its not smooth sailing from there

- youre kind of awkward

- this is your first relationship where you really feel like you could love these guys (you already do) but its also your first relationship with multiple people

- the trio start inviting you over more often, soon for sleepovers, and start inviting themselves over at your own place, mainly eren

- he just comes at random times, sometimes when youre not even there and waits for you, or stays and cleans up a bit before leaving

- armin and you share a deep love of literature, and you often find yourselves in hot debates about whatever youve read (mikasa and eren have to pry you two away before things get physical)

- mikasa likes to cook with you, she shares recipes that her mom taught her, and her and armin love to cook dinner together whereas eren is the breakfast maker of the household

- the first time you slept in the same bed as them you were so nervous your whole body thumped to the tune of your heartbeat, you were convinced armin could even hear it as he was laying beside you, but eren wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you into his large chest before whispering "youre as stiff as a board, relax honey"

- eren snores, mikasa drools, armin has those dreams where you fall and then violently wake up before you hit the ground

- slowly but surely you stop thinking about your relationship as the trio and you, but as all of you together, and that really helps you come out of your shell a bit

- you may still be in the honeymoon phase, and there may be bumps along the way, but you like being with armin, eren, and mikasa. they make you so happy, it feels like the happiest youve been in a long time

- you like watching eren and armin dance in the living room while you and mikasa cuddle on the couch, before the boys pull you two up as well

- you like when armin reads to you, his soft voice reciting the words of the great gatsby

- you like it when eren can just tell youve had a rough day, and pulls you into a hug like hes protecting you from all the bad things in the world

- you love being with them. you love them. and you think that theyre it for you

i rushed the ending bc im fucking tired but i kinda wanna do a poly!series with like sasha, connie and jean, or annie, bertholdt and reiner, or any other poly ships u guys may request !

so yeah pls give me feedback it rlly helps me figure out whether you want a polyamorous series (or just like what i write in general), and it would be my first series ever which would be super cool anyways

yeah requests open for poly!ships anyways

[depressedacadamia]

A kiss would be nice

Summary: Magnus develops feelings for his roomate and has no idea what to do; when theres' some serious miscommunication, Alex and Magnus have to solve an obvious problem.

Pairing:  Fierrochase

A/N: THIS WAS MY FIRST EVER REQUEST!!!!  I swear I'm gonna organise my Masterlist on tumblr coz its a hot mess rn and then I will get a prompt list up. Anyway, I hope this lives up to the expectations of the request- enjoy and comment!

Read on A03        M;List

Magnus liked Alex.

How exactly was he meant to process this?

Yes. Alex was sometimes a girl and other times a boy but what did it make him?

He could remember the moment Alex came floundering into his life, confident about who she was and Magnus could only think about how much he didn't know about himself. It was ridiculous, in his opinion, to think that he fundamentally changed as a person just because he liked someone.

So why did he feel so scared to come to that conclusion that he did in fact like Alex?

“What are you thinking so hard about over there, pretty boy?” Alex asked dryly as he scrolled through his phone while he dangled off the top bunk of their dormitory. Startled, Magnus snapped his head towards Alex and with no game whatsoever stuttered a terrible lie.

“Uh- Uh, nothing.”

“Uhu,” Alex emphasised. “ So that totally wasn't a lie.”

“Yes, Wait, I mean no- wait,” Magnus stuttered out again, his hands beginning to fidget and his palms becoming sweaty.

Alex simply raised an eyebrow before softly sighing and returning to his phone scrolling. He knew that Magnus wasn't the kind to keep secrets in a malicious manner- if he wasn't spilling something, it was because he didn't feel comfortable and Alex knew as well as anyone else that if Magnus was uncomfortable, nothing was spilling from his lips.

Clenching his fists in finality, Magnus got up, accidentally banging the top of his head on the top bunk above him where Alex was elegantly dangling off, his hair defying the laws of gravity by maintaining its rightful position on his head. He rubbed his head, swore under his breath and continued to make a bashful exit from the dorm room.

Alex could tell that something was definitely up.

Sure, Magnus was weird- he sometimes came back home at incredibly odd hours, always seemed relatively silent when one were to ask him where he had been and he almost always wore his lengthy blonde hair in a way that covered the majority of his face; in fact, Alex had thought about tilting his chin up just so he could get a better view of his elegant features.

So what exactly was it causing his roommate to act so oddly?

Magnus was in the bathroom. In fact he was hiding out in one of the stalls, trying his best to avud Alex at all costs. What had started out as a way to skip the horribly boring parts of his classes, now became a full blown ritual in which he would run away to his favourite bathroom stall- the one by the very end, next to the hand blow dryers, were his favourite but also alarmed him because it was there where he could hear whether anybody really washed their hands and there was an alarming amount of evidence which contradicted so.

He would take a book or sometimes just plug in his earphones to listen to music as he essentially hid out in the stall. Sometimes, when he felt a bit more confident- and knew Alex would be off campus- Magnus would hide out in the library; a much more comfortable and all round better smelling place to read, study and or listen to music.

But now as he slowly emerged from the stall after hours of sitting, heading back towards his room, Magnus could only feel this inevitable feeling of impending doom. He had managed to distract himself from the Alex situation for so long and now, he was about to crumble.

It was only a matter of time.

“Magnus?” A familiar and - dare I even say- dreaded voice asked him.

Glancing through the blonde locks of hair which curtained his face, he caught a glimpse of familiar green hair which he had been avoiding.

“Huh?” He managed to mumble.

Alex frowned. “Don’t ‘huh’ me. Where have you been? I’ve been calling you all day.”

Magnus’s eyes widened- he had left his phone on silent as he didnt want to deal with others. “I-you did? Sorry.”

“That doesn't matter now. Where have you bee- actually nevermind that as well, come on, we need to get back, it’s already late and I know you have an early class tomorrow.”

Magnus hesitated.

Alex noticed. He refused to stay silent about the matter any longer.

“Okay. Spit it out. “

“What!” Magnus stammered. “ Spi- spit what? Spit wh- what out exactly?”

“The reason you’ve been avoiding me? Did I forget to do my chores or something? Or did I accidentally make some sort of mess of your stuff?”

“No- No, of course not!”

“So?”

Magnus found himself too enamoured with Alex’s features to respond. He could feel the bubble bath slowly overflowing inside his mind. What did it mean if he liked Alex? Was he now a completely different person? What did it matter if he liked Alex?

Wasn't he just like everybody else?

But Magnus’ mind told him that it was so obvious that Alex was in fact not like everybody else, otherwise why was it Alex whom he couldn’t keep his eyes off of? If Alex was so like everyone else, why was it his eyes that Magnus always wanted to stare at, why was it Alex’s hair that Magnus always wanted to ruffle or Alex’s hand that he always wanted to hold?

Why was it always Alex whom he wanted to hug when he was having a bad day?

So when he looked back at Alex, he felt the overwhelming need to throw himself and wrap his arms around Alex so tightly that Alex would have trouble breathing and then - in Magnus’s perfect world- Alex would also wrap his arms around Magnus and they would hold each other in their arms and stand their leaning on each other.

“Nothing,” Magnmus mumbled as he came back to reality.

He walked past Alex, eager to get back to their dorm and just sleep his feelings away- something he was used to doing thanks to his years of being homeless. He wasn’t about to escape when a slender hand wrapped itself around his wrist and dragged him backwards.

“No.” Alex huffed almost angrily. “You’re not running away from me,not again.”

Magnus could have sworn- looking back- that he may have let out a squeak.

“You are avoiding me Mister and I’d like to know why. It’s bad enough that you spend all your time hiding in the bathroom stalls, it’s even worse that you're doing it to avoid someone as fabulous as myself. So if we could quickly get this over with, It would be greatly appreciated and I’m sure it would relieve your nostrils as well.”

“I-”

“You…?”Alex prompted.

“Ilikeyou.”

Alex paused, scrunched up his nose before raising an eyebrow in ridicule and letting out a laugh. And while Magnus truly believed there was nothing more beautiful than Alex’s smile, right now, it was the most damning thing he had ever seen.

Of course Alex would be laughing! Who wouldn't be laughing if some weedy, shady blond kid confessed their feelings for them in the most pathetic way possible!

Magnus had no other choice but to clench his fists to resist the burning sensation gathering in his eyes as he turned on his heel and hurried back to his dorm.

He was curled up on his bed, binging criminal minds on his laptop because what else was meant to comfort you after getting rejected if it wasn’t watching people getting brutally murdered by psychopaths and sadists?

He was wrapped with this specific episode- involving a bunch of very explicit murder- when Alex snatched his headphones right off his head plopped himself in the computer chair that rested right next to the bottom bunk where Magnus had been hiding out.

He could feel himself paling as he remembered that he lived with Alex.

“We need to talk.”

What? He was so sick of Alex making every decision, afterall- it was Alex who chose to laugh at him.

“We have nothing to talk about,” Magnus managed to snap back.

“Why do you keep avoiding me? First in our own dorm, then in public and now you don't even want to look at me.”

“I’m sorry,” He retorted, his words coated with so much sarcasm, had there been anymore, he may have become Samirah at that very moment. “Was I expected to hang around after being ridiculed?”

“Ridiculed? What do you mea-”

“-What do I mean? I guess you wouldnt understand what it feels like for someone whom you really really like to outright just laugh at you after confessing. I guess you don't know how- how nerve racking and horrible it is to not feel comfortable and safe wherever you go. I guess you were privileged enough to not deal with doubting yourself with every decision you make and every thought you have!”

Alex started. “I-”

“-No. I’m not finished. Do you know how that made me feel?” Magnus was on a roll. “ Like shit. I felt shitty. I felt like shit and I was curled up like a bratty 5 year old and do you know what I’ve realised? I’ve realised that I have nob reason to feel shitty because I'm not the one who was so insecure in myself that I laughed at someone else who was struggling, esepcially when I rejected a hot piece of ass such as myself!” He finished his ramble with a shout, his chest heaving, cheeks flushed and somehow, his hair messy.

“So,” Alex drawled causally. “ Am I allowed to speak now?”

“No.”

Rolling his eyes, Alex sooke anyway. “ I’m sorry that you feel this way and I guess I can't change that I was the person who made you feel like- well, shit, but I have to say Beantown, you really shouldn't assume things so quickly.”

Magnus frowned, turning his shiny, glossy eyes towards Alex finally. “Huh?”

“Well. If you were to give me a chance to explain, I’d be able to tell you that I laughed because I thought you looked adorable. I would be able to tell you that I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings in any way and I’m very sorry if I did and…”

Alex held Magnus’ chin, pulling his head a bit down so he was able to fully look him in the eye rather than just looking away under Magnus’ chin, forcing him to look him in the eye.

“And…?” Magnus whispered hesitantly, almost afraid of the answer.

“And, I would be able to tell you that I like you.” Alex smiled dopily.

Did Magnus hear that correctly? Did Alex Fierro- the most confident, and in Magnus’s eyes, the most attractive person out there just admit to liking the scraggly kid who used to live on the streets?

“Excuse me?”

Aex sighed. “I said that I like you and your … What was it you said?” He paused for dramatic effect because lighting up his eyes. “ Oh yes and your ‘hot piece of ass’ I believe it was.”

Magnus cringed at his previous words as he started at Alex. Alex fierro liked him!

“What?” Alex smirked on noticing Magnus’s innocent stare.

“Can I try something?” Magnus tilted his head to the side innocently. Alex nodded.

Yes, please do try something, A kiss would be nice.

But to Alex’s surprise, he felt Magnus’s arms being wrapped around his body. It was an odd sensation that at first made Alex want to reel backwards.

But then this familiar ignition in his stomach tugged him back to wrap his arms back around Magnus and bury his face in Magnus’s chest, just about reaching his collarbone.

The hug was brief. Perhaps not even longer than 15 seconds at a maximum, but it was enough for Magnus to feel better.

Alex decided that perhaps next time Magnus would kiss him.

Super cool people Taglist: @wisegirl773 @ddepressedbookworm

[nightmaretyrantvantas]

Wont you let me take you to the other side?- A dark sides au intrulogical story

okaaaaaay I got hit with alot of inspiration for this one! I was listening to the song The Other Side from The Greatest Showman ( and had @softmushie ‘s animatic of the song on repeat for like an hour its so good) and as I was listening I started thinking and suddenly this song fit these two perfectly for this au.

A bit of context: Remus is pretty damn tired of the light sides and his brother always taking things from him and virgil and the other dark sides and decides that they need a taste of their own medicine, and he knows EXACTLY what to do to do it~

I hope you guys enjoy, I had alot of fun doing this and there will be a corresponding picture being drawn( since I dont have the tools to make animatics- theres an animatic in this that im just writing out at this point) So if this comes off as a song fic thats part of the plan

Anyway enjoy!!

Warnings: Crude language, cursing, remus being remus, unsympathetic sides(all sides not just one, depends on whose side youre viewing the conflict from) Sympathetic dark sides, Sexual implications and innuendos somewhere

Logan would pride himself on being many things, such as prepared for almost any situation. He was rational, logic, level-headedness, problem solver, calm. He was prepared for many things thrown at the sides and at Thomas. 

He knew how to calmly ease Deceit’s insecurities about his new role. He knew how to reel back Roman from going overboard and exhausting himself before he can expand on any one idea. He knew how to calm Patton down when and urge him to talk before he bottled up too much negativity. He would even risk saying he could keep the dark sides from causing too much mayhem, as difficult as they could make themselves. Logan was efficient and orderly, and he tried to keep most of the mindscape, and Thomas, the same way despite any roadblocks or shenanigans.

Despite this he was not prepared for everything that could happen, which is what landed him in his current predicament. 

Logan’s head throbbed lightly as he pried his eyes open, as if he had a headache or had been hit hard over the head with something heavy. When he had gathered his bearings he looked up to find himself in a dark space shrouded in black, sitting at the end up a sleek dark table. A glance down showed him he was not restrained in any visible way, and he could get up and leave if he so wanted. But where he would be leaving was unclear, and he stayed seated as he thought back to what happened and how he would’ve gotten here. ‘ Lets see....we were brainstorming another video idea...I was with Roman...we were bickering over an idea of his and the actuality of Thomas being able to pull it off in a timely matter or if we should go with something else...it was a bit of a stalemate so to speak...and then Roman yelled something about behind me...and then I saw a glimpse of green...and then...The last thing I can remember seeing was--’

“ Remus.” He said firmly. Thats when he heard a familiar laugh at the other end of the table.

“ You called Logan darling~?” Logan sighed and briefly pinched the bridge of his nose to maintain his composure before reopening his eyes and locking them with the wild, glowing green eyes of the side across from him. 

Remus was sitting at the other side of the table with his chair tilted back in a precarious balancing act and a wide grin on his face that reeked of bad intentions...or maybe that was just Remus in general. Logan sat himself up straighter in his chair and sighed.

“ Remus would you please explain where we are, and why you felt the need to knock me out to bring me here.” Remus only shrugged at first, tapping freshly painted black nails on the desk where he could reach. Despite the casual feel to his movements his eyes were unusually sharp and focused, trapping Logan in their grip. He couldnt help the irritated huff he gave, and he tapped his foot a little.

“ Remus please, I’m not in the mood for these games of yours right now. Wheres the exit.” All he got back was an amused hum and the thud of his chair remeeting the floor and the creak as the other leaned towards him.

“ oh ho ho~ No games today Lo-lo not this time...This time I’d like to put an offer for you out on the table.” He gave a grand sweep gesture over the table and grinned, eyes glittering with something Logan recognized somewhere else. Stubborn-ness, determination.

He saw it in Roman’s eyes far too often to mistake it. 

“ An...offer? Remus...what are you talking about?” Remus seemed to wave off his clear suspicion and continued his pitch, voice enthusiastic and honest.

“ Cmon lo! I dont want to have to keep chasing you down for it...but I know you see it too. Drop the stuffy ties with those light side pricks and try running with me.” Logan was stunned, too stunned to reply at first. And Remus took that opportunity to keep going.

“ You can run with me, and I can cut you free from them and all the burdens they keep piling on. Out of all that drudgery and the walls that are keeping you in!” He leaned forward more, palms flat on the table as he stood from his chair.

“ Lets trade that boring typical for something different, something colorful! And if its bad or crazy? Fuck it lets live a little crazy!” Logan only had time to blink before Remus was standing beside him, leaning close.

“ You can play it sensible, their king of the conventional. Or you can risk it all and see...dont you just wanna get away from this same old boooooooring part they make you play?” He felt Remus’s hand glid over his chest and shoulder as he circled around the chair, another grand gesture made with his other hand.

“ Because frankly specs, I got more of what you need! So just come with me and take the ride~ and I’ll take you to the other side! Because dont get me wrong...” Another blink and the other was seated directly in front of him on top of the table, one leg crossed over the other and his heeled boot lightly pressing on his thigh above his knee.

“ you can keep doing like you do...or you can do like me! You can stay in you boring little cage, or you can finally take the key...” A golden key dangled in his right hand tauntingly, as his other hand wrapped around Logan’s tie and pulled him up so their faces were close. He lowered his voice to a soften, smooth tone as his smiled curled into a small smirk.

“ Well damn, then suddenly youre free to fly....Just let me take you to the other side.” 

Logan blinked, once then twice as he processed what was happening as quickly as he could. And once it had he almost let out a bit of a laugh. Remus was persuasive when he was passionate about something, Logan wouldnt deny him that. His words were urging and hypnotic, but that alone wouldnt make the logical side swoon. So he sighed through his nose and put his hand on the wrist holding his tie and met his eyes confidently. 

“ Ok Remus, you want to...” cut me in” so to speak. You want me to join the dark sides with you correct? As...gilded and lovely as you make the offer to be...” He gently pushed his hand off and leaned back in his chair, straightening his tie with a calm, composed expression.

“ Well I hate to tell youm but it simply just wont happen. So I give you my thanks, but no. I think im good to go.” He gave a small smirk and stood from the chair and took a step away, casually dusting his shoulders off as he did.

“ Because despite what you say I quite enjoy the life you claim to say im trapped in. Not to completely disregard you now,” He glanced back, dark blue cutting into bright green as the table disappeared and left the two standing face to face in the darkness 

“ Now, I’ll admit I do admire you, and this whole show you can do. Youre onto something Remus, really youre onto something I can say I’ll be proud of you for. But I have to stay among the light sides and rationality, and cannot afford to give in to recklessness. That, I’ll have to leave that up to you.” He chuckled softly with his words and stood up straighter, his smiling faded as he took a more serious approach, turning on his heels to walk away.

“ Dont you know that im ok with this “ uptown” part I get to play. Because there I got what I need and I dont wish to take your ride. So I dont need to see the other side.” He turned and began to walk, waving his hand to dismiss the idea away.

“ So you go back and do like you do, I’m well and good to do like me. I am not in some so called cage...so I dont need to take your key Remus. I believe you can see I’m doing just fine. I dont need you to take me to the other side.” Remus narrowed his eyes and let out his own sigh, watching his back with more seriousness.

“ Is that really how you like to spend your days? Wasted and in misery, locked in their rules and pretty plays?” Logan glanced back with a stern look.

“ If I were to be mixed up with you, I’d be the talk of the mindscape. I’d likely be disgraced and disowned, discarded as unfit for my role as logic.” 

Logan had blinked once and suddenly he was swept off his feet and in a twirl. He let out a startled noise as Remus led him in a extravagant waltz, arms around him and keeping him close as the world around them melted and swirled into a  luxurious and gothic ballroom hall, green candlelight flickering and glowing as they danced round and round. Here in his arms Logan realized for the first time that Remus was actually taller than him, and that the other could dance beautifully and elegantly while Logan stumbled along with him. Remus didnt seem to mind as he chuckled and led Logan round and round to music he couldve sworn floated at the edges of his hearing, something somber and sweet on the violin or piano maybe. 

“ Cmon Logan dont you enjoy this? The freedom, the thrill?” Logan looked up again and opened his mouth to repeat his stance when Remus leaned close

“ You would finally get to live a little, finally laugh a little....just let me give you the freedom to dream and to breathe a little...” Another twirl and he spun Logan once like a princess before continuing their dance.

“ It’ll wake you up and cure all your aching, I’ll take all your walls and we’ll start ‘em breaking! Now to me that seems like a deal...a risk well worth taking~” He then spun Logan away from him, and the logical side found himself a little speechless as the scene morphed once more. Remus himself fell into a deep sweeping bow as he smiled, a bow worthy of a King’s presence. And for the one moment Logan realized he could feel the weight of a crown on his head, could see parts of the elegant and simple royal robes he was donning and the throne room he now stood at the head of, moonlight pouring in and giving it all an almost heavenly glow. His eyes met Remus’s once more, and he saw they were glittering in the moonlight, like green jewels. And all at once the moonlight faded and Remus pulled himself up. Logan briefly felt a hand slide sensually, longingly across his cheek as it grew darker, and as Remus’s voice grew softer.

“ But I guess I’ll leave that decision up to you Logan...” 

He blinked and found himself standing in the hallway, right in front of his room, normal attire and Remus nowhere in sight. It was dark, most likely night now and he could feel Thomas sleeping. 

He was back home...right?  

Logan took a deep breath as quietly as he could and shook his head, trying to dismiss the whole ordeal as perhaps nothing but a vivid dream of sorts...He let his shoulders slump a little as he headed into his room to go work on some things before bed. But he stopped as his door clicked shut, eyes locked on the single thorny blue rose sitting in the center of his desk. He felt warmth flood his cheeks as his fingers brushed one of the silk soft petals. He caught a glimpse of a single lined note attached to the stem, the paper spotted with a couple suspicious red dots and curvy, messy handwriting.

‘ I’ll be waiting on your answer, you know where to find me once you do~ Until then darling’

aaaaaaaaaand tadaaaa! Its done!! I hope you guys like it!!

Taglist

@phantommoonpeople

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@leesacrakon

@amazable01

@starbucks-remy

@strawberryjellystuff

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@sar-kasstic

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[bnhaficsforthesoul]

You are too good to us you know that? My request (for whenever you get to it 0 rush) is more of the Deadpool quirk S/o to where the reason they didnt tell anyone, along with doubting anyone beliveing them, is that they have some really tramatic memories of being killed sevral times at a young age or being a human experiment or something else really bad, so they were scared that if they said anything it would happen again. Them telling Dabi & Tomura why. Love how you write hurt/comfort. ❤🧡💛💚💙

Thank youuu 💜💜

Warning: abuse

Dabi

Your parents were doctors, and thinking that your special quirk was a great way to make some money, they completely exploited it

Barely treated you as their kid, except when it was necessary

“Of course we love you, but we’re doing this to benefit society. Don’t you want to help everyone? Be a good kid and listen to us, we’re your parents, you can trust us.”

They would experiment various poisons or chemicals and test it on you, seeing how long they would take to kill you or how much was needed

And then what could counteract those to see if they could heal you

Would perform various surgeries on you to see how they affected your body

Then they would use this ‘research’ and give it to the medical community - making a name for themselves in how great it was that they were doing so much work to help society

They had no care for what happened to you, you died countless times due to their experiments

You managed to run away when you were like 14, stealing enough of their money to get by for a little while until you figured out how to survive in the world

What you deemed the worst was that they pretended like they loved you the whole time- that gave you serious trust issues, how could anyone mean it when they say they love you? Theyll probably just use you again

So when you met Dabi, of course you never told him

Even though you know you love him, and you want to believe that he means it when he says he loves you, youre not sure

And youre scared that hell decide to exploit your quirk himself, maybe tell someone who would give him a lot of money so they can have you

But of course you ended up ‘dying’ around him, and you gave him the quick excuse of ‘oh people dont believe me haha’ since you didn’t wanna tell him the truth and he seemed to believe it

However, weeks later, you noticed how nothing changed

He hasnt treated you any differently and you havent randomly been kidnapped or something, so he must not have done anything with the knowledge of your quirk

And once you realized that - you immediately broke down because, you actually started to believe for the first time that he truly loves and cares about you - you can trust Dabi and youre unbelievably happy about that

Like you run to find him and just throw yourself into your arms

Hes so confused, youre crying but smiling and he just has no idea whats going on

But then you pull him back into your room and hes like ‘whats up?’

And you finally tell him all about your past - he just sits there shocked, shocked and angry

Doesnt say much the entire time, he just holds your hands tightly as you speak and tears keep flowing down your face

Once your done, he pulls you into a tight hug, starting to cry himself

“Listen to me, I wont let that happen ever again. You’re safe with me. I promise.”

He really doesnt know how to react - hes just pissed and sad

He probably wants to go find your parents and kill them, but for right now you just want to be with him and hes fine with that

Hell hold you all night and just tell you how thankful he is for you and how much he loves you - its going to be a rare, open moment with him

He never talks about what he actually feels, but he knows that you really need to hear it so hell talk about it all night

Shigaraki

You grew up in a family that didn’t want you

It was just your mom, she was an alcoholic and had no money - and she absolutely hated you

She wasnt even aware of what your quirk was, one day she got upset and hit you over the head with a wine bottle really hard, and you died

Only to come back later

Honestly that just made her more angry, shed constantly hit you and whatnot with no care to if you died

And since you technically couldnt die, she wouldnt even feed you for months at a time

Your entire childhood was spent suffering, but you didn’t know what to do if you left

She told you how youre a freak and no one would want you, so you stayed 

However, she died when you were 12 due to her alcoholism and overall not being able to take care of herself

And you were alone

You became a petty criminal - stealing what you needed to survive and just trying to get by without suffering too much

Besides, at least you had food sometimes now

When you were 19, you heard of this League of Villains - and decided you might as well join, you didn’t care what they were about, it was a place where you could try and find a purpose for yourself

And then you met Tomura - he liked you pretty quick since you weren’t there for Stain, even though you weren’t really there for him in the beginning either

You didn’t think bothering him with your past was important, besides - this is a group of villains. And even though he’s never hurt you and you wanted to trust him, he could literally kill you with a touch, and hes gotten pretty close to killing other members

So you didn’t see why he wouldnt be against killing you if he knew you wouldnt die, you knew he cared about you so he wouldnt kill you, but you werent sure what he would do if given the chance

But then he found out about your quirk when you died, and he didn’t do anything - even though he was kinda mad at you afterwards

You felt bad just saying you thought he wouldnt believe you since obviously he didnt think it was a good enough answer to hide it from him for so long

So one day he was playing video games and you were sitting next to him, and you randomly started talking about it

“When I said I didn’t tell you because I thought you wouldn’t believe me- it wasn’t exactly the truth.”

And hes like ya i kinda guessed, but he expects you to continue explaining exactly why

And honestly its gonna be rough, cause he has troubles with how much you trust him, so hes kinda hurt that you thought he would hurt you

But he tries to understand that you felt you could trust no one, and that it wasn’t just him

“That bitch is lucky shes already dead…”

Hes not all to great at comforting, but he is glad that you told him

“Do you trust me now?”

As long as you promise that you trust that he wont hurt you now, then hell let it go. He wont say anything really, but hell kinda change the subject to a lighter one

“I’m bored of this game… grab that controller and play something with me.”

[minkdenmilo]

💙 Autism Trait Listing Time 💙

I am self-diagnosed as of now but I'm in the process of trying to get tested and my diagnosed friend said that a lot of what I told her lines up so it's likely I am autistic.

+ Constant Fidgeting: Bouncing of my leg, Tapping of my fingers - If I stop I am physically uncomfortable and tend to shake my ankle/foot or shake my wrist/hand

+ Sensory Oveload at Noise: Usually it's not the loudness of noise for me, but the overlapping of noises. Hearing a television play a show + someone talking + someone somewhere else talking etc. makes me get a headache and I sometimes feel like crying because I can't focus or really hear myself think.

+ Sensitivity to Sudden/Loud Noises: I flinch and startle at loud noises frequently- to the point in which it is noticeable by friends. If the bell goes off when I don't expect it to or the fire alarm I nearly fall out of my chair. If my dad raises his voice or if anyone gets upset and raises there voice I instantly assume they're yelling and tense up- even if they're just raising their voice a little.

+ Tactical/Texture Sensitivity: I detest certain textures and actively avoid them like cotton balls (which feel like how nails on a chalkboard sound), fennel/rosemary, any texture in drinks, nuts in bread, etc. in which my family has noticed and teased me over. Where as other textures I adore and constantly seek out like tree bark or soft fur like textures.

+ Stimming(?): I constantly pick at my skin and when I try to stop I can briefly before I go back to doing it without thinking because it's relaxing. I constantly play with the joysticks on my Nintendo Switch to help compensate and give my hands something to do. I use a fidget spinner sometimes as well to help relax and when I get anxious I use it more often cause the noise it makes and the action of spinning it is helpful. I also do the ASL (sign language) alphabet without thinking to myself just cause it's relaxing and when told to stop I get a bit anxious. I tap my fingers together repetitively a lot and my friends have noted this and have mentioned I tend to do it more when I'm stressed or bored.

+ Hyperfixation: I have the habit of finding something I like and then focusing on it violently. When I was a kid I would watch the same three movies (Newsies, Highschool Musical, and Hairspray) on repeat until I memorized the lines. I went through a phase where everyday I watched Total Drama for like half a year- I still remember the events of each episode. If I watch a video on a video game I have to look up the Wikipedia entry on it, read everything in the fan wiki, and watch video after video deconstructing the game until I'm satisfied. I'll listen to the same song for hours at a time for a week or more and then ramble about it to my friends. My habit of infodumping everything I know about a subject bothers my families and friends. I'll ramble for an hour about an idea I have for a play to a friend before realizing I haven't shut up cause I know most people don't care about minute things like I tend to.

+ Being a Kid: As a kid I was definetely the odd one out. I would hug everyone regardless of who they were, how close we were, or if they were receptive. I just had to hug people- I would get upset if I couldn't hug people. To this day I have stuffed animals I hug because I get anxious without the physical sensation of hugging after too long. I never seemed to be on quite the same wavelength and would stare people down just randomly, even I didn't really understand why I'd do it but I would just lock eyes with someone and not stop until they told me to. People would openly mock me and it would go over my head because I genuinely thought they were my friends and were being nice (I would get called werewolf due to my messy hair and sharp teeth and I would just smile and say I preferred being a vampire). I wore the same velcro shoes everyday until they wore out and demanded my mom buy the exact same pair. I'd cry whenever someone hurt my feelings even once I turned 10 and 11. I accidentally hurt my friends by punching them or pinching them cause I didn't realize how much I was hurting them until I drew blood or they demanded I stop.

+ Routine: I hate being late. I hate being on time. I have to be 10 minutes early to everything. If I have to be somewhere at 9 and its a 30 minute drive then I have to leave the house at 8 or 8:10. If it hits 8:11 and we aren't on the road I lose it. I cry and panic and I shake like a leaf until my dad starts the car. In elementary if we were even a second late I'd sob uncontrollably and panic. Now I still cry and shake but it's not as bad. I am an avid rule follower even when I know I'm being silly. My friends and I went to an abandoned building and I was anxious that we'd be arrested despite knowing people did it all the time and it was fine. I had to stay at school after hours for a project and I wouldnt stop worrying we'd get caught and expelled even though our teacher said we could. When I was like 8 or 9 I read about how not turning off your heater started fires so every day before I left for school I'd check to make sure the heater and oven were turned off three times each. Even if we'd never turned them on in the first place. I haven't been able to focus in online school without the structure of being physically in school no matter how hard I try. When my dad takes the family places last minute I feel unbearably anxious and out of it, even when I am aware I am overreacting. I have noticed executive disfunction issues in the past and when presented with multiple things I need to do I get overwhelmed and panic and do nothing instead. I hate clutter and in the desire to clean one item I end up deep cleaning everything just because I start one chore then think of another in the process and it spirals from there.

+ Misc: I have always been the sensitive emotional child. My mom frequently teases that I never get her sarcasm. I can't decipher how people feel unless I can hear their voice and see their face which makes texting and to a lesser extent voice calling anxious and weird for me. I actively avoid eye contact with people I don't know well and avoid conversation on elevators or in public spaces. I adore watching slime videos and stim boards are wonderful now that I've discovered them. Math isn't my strong suit because the numbers don't make sense to me- I can't decipher even simple algebra equations but I've always been great at reading and I pride myself on my vocabulary and way with words. Despite this I can't give speeches or explain things to save my life even if I know exactly what I mean and want to say I just cannot verbalize it properly so I have to write down exactly what I want to say before I say it. Even then I ramble too long and my dad frequently notes I can never "get to the point and trim out the unnecessary details" but like- I can't tell which details are necessary or not. I can never be presented a broad piece of information and understand it, I need every minute detail first otherwise I cannot understand the bigger concept and thus when I speak I provide every detail to make my point crystal clear. I also feel uncomfortable around authority figures and adults- way more than seems normal- and avoid eye contact and tend to be especially anxious and respectful because adults and authority figures just scare me.

These are all just like the immediate things that jump into mind + context around them. Idk if these could actually point to me being autistic but if anyone has any advice or help then please let me know. I'm kinda worried I'm being a hypochondriac but that might just be because my dad doesn't believe in autism so I'm internalizing that.

I've had close friends say some of my symptoms seem like anxiety or OCD but the texture based stuff and the fact that I have purposefully tried to stop stimming and fidgeting and have tried to repress my natural behaviors due to being seen as like weird and "off" makes me think maybe it might be autism and I just didn't realize because I assumed everyone dealt with similar things and I just was bad at handling it.

[tskumoyuuma]

my roommate and I binge watched the lost village / mayoiga and we really werent prepared for that kind of ending. it was so good we didnt kno what to say when it was over. then we found out the majority of people hated the anime n wer dumbfounded. my guess is that they didnt watch it to the end / didnt get the point of it. so, in response, I just had to write a review on crunchyroll explaining exactly why people need to give the anime a chance n watch all 12 episodes. pasted under the cut cause it's a bit long :

[[MORE]]

let me preface this with the fact that my roommate and I started watching this as a joke. I had never heard of this anime before, but they had because of the stupid hippopotamus song in the first episode. we were bored and put this on because, like many reviewers on here, we expected a bloodbath. with so many characters thrown at you in the beginning, who wouldnt ? and yet, at the end of our bingewatch, my roommate and i, unlike the majority of reviewers, were dumbfounded by how satisfying and emotionally deep the ending was, how everything was wrapped up. I dont really write reviews, but seeing all the other ones, I am compelled to write this one.

now let me say that if you're also here for a bloodbath, turn away. this is not the anime for you. I feel that most of the negative reviews come from people angry that there was no extreme gore or violence. that is not the point of this anime. in fact, the point lies in the emphasis of those who lived

but before I get deeper into that, let's break down the different aspects of this anime :

animation

the general animation of this anime is average. the only thing worth noting is how the monsters are animated, at times even using real life footage if eyes to really bring out the horror and monstrosity of the things chasing this group of people. there are also some monsters that were so horrifying that I gagged a bit, so props to the animation team for that. everything else is all right; typical of a short unknown anime of this length

characters

a thing I noticed in the negative reviews for this anime is that there are too many characters who are too worthless to keep around. I, however, disagree. yes, you'll only really remember the main characters names and you will forget everyone elses, but you dont need to remember them. I was able to distinguish all important characters from each other even if I couldnt remember some names and that's what matters. people are also angry because we learn next to nothing about these side characters. this is a good thing in my opinion because with a cast this large, focusing on every character that is introduced in the first five minutes of the anime would only distract from the plot and main characters. they give you enough backstory on characters to understand them and their actions, and that's enough. and, to be clear, none of the backstory they give excuses the characters bad actions; they only serve to explain them. the anime even emphasizes that these kinds of actions are wrong. and, yes, you will get angry at peoples stupid decisions, but that's because theyr human and young and scared, of course they wouldnt make the right and sensible decisions. even I was yelling at the screen at times, but if you can get past that, then the characters are, unlike what most people say, watchable (unless of course your taste in characters is wildly different than mine, then I say to that fair enough. I still believe the anime ending is worth enduring annoying characters for either way).

pacing

I'll be the first one to admit that the pacing, especially in the first few episodes, is not good. the first episode feels rushed as heck and starting it off with a flash round of self introductions didnt help me get into it and only served to confuse me with so many names and faces. but as I've explained, you dont need to memorize everyone's name to kno who is who; you'll kno who's important enough to remember by the second or third episode. the pacing, however, (in my opinion) gets better as you go on. yes, it does bait you along for answers until the second to last and last episodes, but that's to be expected in an anime like this. they're not gonna reveal everything before its over ! and the actual reveals themselves are definitely worth the wait and mystery

plot

I'll be honest and say I didnt kno exactly what was happening for most of the anime. I had questions up the wazoo and no real answers for a long time. however, once they started getting those answers, everything began to piece together. yes, it is confusing at first, especially because they only give you a little bit at a time. however, by episode 11, a lot of things are either explained or just on the verge of being explained. the rest is wrapped up almost perfectly in the last episode, where it answers all the questions I had and also hits you with an ending so deep that my roommate and I didnt kno what to say once it was over. it presents trauma and how to deal with it in a new and refreshing light that I dont believe I've seen before, especially not in a 12 episode anime. I also feel satisfied in a way I've never been before with a 12 episode anime, with the way everything is wrapped up. for me, I dont need another episode showing what happens to the characters and how theyv chosen to deal with their respective traumas. I cant think of a better way to end the anime.

conclusion

i can say with confidence that this anime has thoroughly subverted my expectations, not by making fun of tropes in the horror anime genre and somehow making them worse, but by expanding on what horror means and how people deal with it. everyone is different and deals with trauma in their own way. there is no right way for everyone, only a right way for you.

now, I need to emphasize that in order for everything to come together, make sense, and potentially impact you the way it did for my roommate and I, you need to watch the entire thing. you cant watch the first half and call it a bad anime for not giving answers. answers will come. I can promise that. whether you can accept those answers in the end is, of course, up to you

[caskit2]

Gorillaz Analysis

Caskit’s not ready to throw all their cards on the table but the time has come!!! 

Okay then, I had to think long and hard about what I wanted to talk about here with Gorillaz cause DAMN!! 

I love gorillaz, 

I love the characters 

damon is a gift that we just dont deserve 

But how did I end up in the fandom pool? 

Well for one, I have heard of gorillaz music back in middleschool but at the time I was busy with Invader Zim and Inuyasha as well as jumping into this band wagon as well  (Full metal Alchemist) 

so by the time I turned to look at Gorillaz was when phase 3 was JUST wrapping up and making way for phase 4. which means I jumped into a fandom that had characters that I knew NOTHING ABOUT. Do you know what that means?

It means I also had no understanding or knowledge of why people shipped “this or that” in the fandom, but I gained some intel on the characters and the growing plot of the story, but other than that, I didnt understand why I was drawn to a particular “ship” in the fandom.  

*actual expression made, im not joking*

Once upon a time, caskit discovered 2doc and was not surprised that this was a ship. I have seen similar stuff that has a common theme that i was drawn to at the time. I was more interested in why fans ship them so I dived in head first into the boiling lava and came to a conclusion.,.....

I dont see them as able (capable?) of ever ending up in the way that most 2doc shippers would pick. The two are chaotic on levels of different tiers of “weird and gross” and I dont really have a reason as to why i was drawn to the ship, but It made me want to analyse what exactly a stable relationship is!

I basically walked around in that area of the fandom and didnt really form any “attachment” to it. I never really experienced a “healthy relationship”, lived in childhood and teen years were I went through life avoiding relationships. So I didnt have a good start, but I knew eventually that I would have to explain myself. 

I feel bad that I wouldnt be able to give a solid answer to what makes me want to sit down and analyse any scenario that has “present abuse undertones” but I know that in the past and how I grew up with what I was exposed to...That I would come to realize how unhealthy it is just for me. 

This post isnt particularly about 2doc itself, but its more about discussing how I handled MY reaction to something that I have seen over and over. In a way, I could see those abusive tones that were present.

Basically Caskit never experienced good healthy relationships and decided that it was a good idea to use gorillaz as a processing strategy....not a good idea in the end cause...OOOHHHHHHH 

It confused me more than before!!! 

I got friends that tag their stuff, and I dont really get so bothered with peoples own opinions, cause I was more worried about how I would come to understand everything. 

When I think about how fans are dividing and putting up a wall to keep “haters outa my yard”  it usually has to deal with shipping stuff, and character hating. And I guess I was confused about everyone’s perception of the characters.

Talking about the characters, I dont have a “least favorite to most” cause I have specific connections to them in different ways. 

I can find similarities to noodle for the expectations she had in a band at age 10 and growing up (plus we are both gays that dont like to publicly talk about relationships) 

I connect with Russel cause I lost a piece of myself  after a paranormal encounter and 3 near death experiences and suffer hallucinations. His protective demeanor to little noodle clicked with me. I see him as the Heart and soul, dedicated and warm friendly guy. ( you mean a decent human being right?)

I relate to 2d in a way that I share his enthusiasm, and mad bravery to live with the same guy who ran him over and caused 2 accidents that are permanent. 

I relate to murdoc in a weird way...  His childhood hits too close to home for me, as a CSA survivor of 2 incidents, pain addict and victim of abuse, draws similarities. But there were things that he has done that match things to my past like the abusive father, and dwelling on the darker aspect of a bittersweet reality. I was expressing physical violence to “show affection” and was never called out for it. I was not just a victim, I was also the abuser and since it was something that murdoc is faced with, is why I hated him. He is (for me) the thing I hate about myself. 

When I saw more and more fans hating on murdoc I wondered if people would ever think I was the same as him. Fans didnt like the way he treated 2d  and the rest of the band, And I agreed. Fans hated him for lying and causing drama and I agreed.  

His ignorance was a comedy slapstick (dressing in a nazi uniform cause he thought it “looked cool” despite russel telling him that its not a good idea) and was seen as the “crazy hooligan that has delusional dreams of fame”  and it bothered me that jamie used this to cover up allot of obvious issues that needed to be addressed. and the way that the fandom treated him made me think about how I would be accused of being like him. 

(thank goodness I didnt cause a car accident and have to sell my soul to satan for a shot at fame with a kickass band and didnt make uncomfortable sexual jokes or ignore others that tried to help me.) 

I can separate what justifies the hate on murdoc when it comes to abuse and causing shit to go down. becuase I did those things in the past, but it didnt take me more than a decade or more to realize that what I did was wrong! I didnt take forever to change for the better. so Im frustrated at him for taking so long to turn around and go “holly fuck im a bastard! I should probably fix that” 

Yeah NyOO ShiTT HunnayYY!! 

I dont hate him for being an idiot, I hate that he symbolizes all things wrong about me that never got closure! 

him admitting to being the cause of 2d’s social anxiety and eye damage as well as the abuse is easier said than done! but the fact that he is letting everything out of the “in-denial basket” is nice for me to see, cause right now Healing and progression in closure to issues of trauma is what is important to me. 

The endgame for my perspective on 2d and murdocs relationship is this: 

I dont want to ship them

I dont even see it as a thing regardless of character development and both guys working through their own shit themselves. 

I am not the best person to explain what a toxic or abusive relationship can be. 

Why? becuase I lived through it and I was both the victim and abuser to myself  and grew up without a good relationship (and I have a fear of positive affection) so I dont enjoy going through the same pattern as before where i shipped abuse in the past as a “dumb 13 year old weeboo” 

I dont view their relationship as romantic, or platonic, or healthy. 

I just want the boys to enjoy their own character growth individually. 

I would like to eventually see a friendship with them But I’ll be more excited if instead the whole band eventually gain a healthy relationship with everyone.  

Year 2018 marks the year I jumped in head first into gorillaz as a blind fruit bat 

(I call it the year caskit played with fire) for cosplaying ‘murdoc fuckn wrinkles’ at a convention around the time the fandom was yelling at him and jamming to 2d’s album. 

Caskit jumped into the shipping lava all for Behavioral analyzing and hopped over fences to see other fans perspectives of characters they liked and hated just to make sure Caskit could understand the illuminati that is Gorillaz. 

I made friends all over the fandom, and thanks to a few people, I gained more confidence to push my art skills and create some kickass art of Gorillaz. 

And yeah I yap yap about murdoc ( looks over @russelhusselhobbs im sorry you put up with my bullshit) but remember peeps. 

I like hearing about the others and have gotten more into 2d’s character as well as Jumping over the fence to go hang out with russel fans and listen to fangirling from friends and just trying to be a freakn fairy godmother and deliver some good representing art. 

And for those who aren’t aware, my past artwork is probably gonna float around so if its signed as Caskit or Caskit19 then its mine and if you see my old 2doc stuff.....,

for the trigger. 

But YEAHHHHHH!!! I wanted to throw all this on the table. and I dont know how to feel about that...(I swear my friend jokes with “need some feel good inc for Caskit” ) Kinda contemplating my choice between sticking my head into a hornets nest or jumping into a dark water trench.... the hornets nest sounds less likely to give me a seizure induced panic attack so ill go for that. ( I have a tolerance for inflicted pain so no you cant hurt me by using violence cause I dont have any consideration for myself and my safety)  

But yeah now I can get back to drawing fun stuff. (hopefuly caskit wont have to bore you guys with stupid shit ever again! xD) 

[min-hyyun]

God’s Punishment

summary: seeing a little brown and white kitten meowing outside your door at four in the morning isn’t exactly what you’d call an ideal all-nighter. but when receiving the kitten turns into something else, you just end up realizing that you’re in for one heck of a month.

genre: fluff n tiny angst

a/n: i love animals n everyong (i didn’t mean for this to be so long lmao srry) ((maybe an alt angst ending if y'all want???))

—

→ okay so basically, you’re in love with kittens. → and receiving one at four in the morning on a tuesday night was a very nice surprise. → especially when you’ve been drowning in work and stress that won’t stop → so let’s elaborate on this fine night. → you had just come home from the usual late night at work, and was literally about to pass out from the fatigue. → it was 3:30 am and you knew that there was no way you’d be able to make it to your room without tripping all over yourself. → so you settled for the couch that had the tv and kitchen near it. → you opened the front door, and threw your shoes off your aching feet. → “oh my god… i’m so tired.” you whined, simply moving towards the couch and falling face first into the maroon cushions. → you almost cried from the amount of pain your body was in. → you hated life the most right now. → so once you had fallen onto the couch, not bothering to even change into proper clothes are take off your make up, you were pretty much almost asleep. → that was, until there was a burst of thunder and rain started to pour down heavily. → the drops hit the windows hard, making loud noises that immediately startled you from your much needed slumber.  → you jolted up, eyes wide and mind jumbled. → you calmed down after seeing the situation outside, and got up to get a cup of cold water, getting ready to pull an all-nighter to finish your studies and extra work. → “god.. i’ll never be able to sleep if this is what’s gonna happen.” you complained, finishing your second cold glass of water. → it seemed that there was always something that stopped you from resting. → you dragged yourself to your room, grabbed the essentials needed for the night, and unhappily sat down in front of the coffee table that you very much wanted to smash. → you took out all of your work, and began to do the things you wished didn’t existed. → about 20 minutes into the session, you heard a quiet sound coming from your door. → it almost sounded like scratching. → you paused in your movements, and turned to look at the door → what the heck… → to say that you were scared was an understatement. → yOU WERE TERRIFIED ! → there it was again. → the weird, but decipherable sound that was extremely similar to someone scratching hard at the wood on your door. → grabbing the object closest to you, which happened to be a hard-cover book, you slowly stood up and tip-toed towards the entrance. → in the heat of the moment, you swung open the door, holding the book in front of your face and closing your eyes. → that was when you heard a faint meow. → wHAT THE HECKADOODLE ! → your eyes turned big, upon noticing a small, brown and white kitten who simply stared up at you with its big brown orbs, meowing once again. → “what the…” you whispered. → why was there a kitten sitting outside of your door at four am on a tuesday night meowing??????? → you bent down and hesitantly stuck your hand out to the cat, letting it lick your finger once. → this was all so weird. → “hey little guy, what are you doing out here?” as you said this, you gently thrusted your hands towards the harmless kitten. → it slowly climbed onto your hands, walked in a couple circles, and finally settled into the centre of your palms. → it nuzzled its head into the crook of your thumb, and quietly purred. → yOUR HEART ! → this cat was so cute. → it made you feel calm. → you stood up, the kitten still curled up in your palms, and looked to both sides of the hallway in the apartment building. → all the lights were off, and there was no sign of recent activity that could’ve happened. → shaking your head, you walked back inside to your apartment and quietly shut the door with your foot. → the kitten was asleep, but was awakened by the sound of the door shutting harder than you had intended. → “oops.” you smiled sheepishly down at the kitten, who had now uncurled from its position and stood up on all four legs. → you moved towards the couch again, where all your previous work healing-unicorn. → the cat meowed again, and jumped onto the sofa from your hand as soon as you got close enough. → it continued to walk around on the cushions, before looking at you again and purring. → “so…” you started, rubbing a pillow and cuddling into it. → “how did you get here?” → all it did was come towards you, use its little teeth and bite the sleeve of your sweater that was laying on a small sliver of the couch, and pull towards the other end of it. → “huh? what do you want?” → the kitten continued to pull so you complied and moved, laying your full body onto the surface. → the kitten meowed the loudest you ever heard, since it’s presence showed itself to you. → you smiled and giggled at the cuteness, letting your much-needed sleep come over you, as well as the furball who decided to cuddle between your arm and body. → okay so fast forward to the next morning. → instead of waking up on the couch you ended up on the floor. → your back ached from being against the hardwood for the majority of the night. → you sat up, mind still cloudy but slowly coming back together. → as soon as you realized that you were awake completely, you looked beside you to the couch. → well, you could only turn your head so far, until you knocked your forehead into something hard. → “ouch! what the..?” → oH MY LORD ! → THERE WAS A BOY SLEEPING ON YOUR COUCH ! → AND HE WAS SHIRTLESS ! → your eyes widened, and you shouted. → “WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY APARTMENT?” → the loudness of your voice woke him up, and once he laid his eyes on you, he moved back in shock. → but after a couple seconds, the shock disappeared and he gave you a slight grin. → “uh.. hi. im seongwoo..?” → you were still scared for your life LOL. → you stood up, hands trembling from the scare. → he stood up as well, and you clearly saw his defined abs. → you instantly blushed, turning away so that he didn’t see your face turn beet red. → he must’ve been embarrassed too, because he grabbed the nearby pillow laying on the couch. → “im sorry! uh, this is a little bit awkward, huh?” → a littLE BIT ????? → THIS IS VERY AWKWARD !! → “what are you doing in my apartment? i dont remember knowing a ‘seongwoo’.” you turned back around and glared at him intensely. → “you see…” he started, scratching the back of his neck, “i may or may not have been the kitten that you took in yesterday.” → you gave him a confused looked that for sure, told him he was crazy. → “believe it or don’t. all i know, is that i’m stuck with you until god decides that this punishment’s over and i can go back up to heaven.” → you gave him a suspicious look, and eyed him up and down. → he didn’t seem harmful, but there could’ve been something bad under that so-called “innocence”. → “sit, and explain everything to me in detail.” → a good hour passed by, and you now had full knowledge of seongwoo and why he was here. → so to quickly break it all down. → seongwoo’s an angel who takes care of cats. → he did something bad in heaven (by bad he means that he accidentally dropped a cat and broke its neck oOF). → so to serve time in return for hurting the kitten, he has to live on earth as your kitten/pet for a month before going back. → during the day, he’s human but at exactly 7:00 pm, he turns back into a kitten. → for the first few days, he dreaded life with you. → he was quite energetic and wanted to do a lot of stuff. → but because you were always so busy, coming home late at night and always working during the day, he hated not being able to do anything. → especially when he couldn’t go out. → a factor god put on him, was that he was basically tied to your apartment.

→ the poor guy was forbidden to leave, and seongwoo always complained about that.

→ after a couple weeks passed by, he was content and didn’t really complain or whine anymore. → you bought him stuff to do or play with so that he wouldnt be so bored all the time while you were gone. → on days that you were home, he was so happy. → interacting with someone else other than in a game was something he needed. → somehow during all of this, you managed to fall in love with him. → even though it seemed silly. → being with him throughout that one month made you happier than expected, and you came to love his craziness that you thought was cute. → not to mention the adorableness coming form him when he was a kitten. → but as the end of the month came around, seongwoo seemed to be getting more distant and cold towards you. → he always complained or was rude when you talked to him, and didn’t interact with you as much. → and when he was in cat form, instead of cuddling into your arm like usual, he slept somewhere else away from you. → you were getting sad and confused at his actions, because where did the old seongwoo go ???? → on the very last day of his punishment, you confronted him as he was getting a book to read from your shelf. → “seongwoo,” you grabbed his arm and turned him around. → he looked at you, surprised, but then furrowed his eyebrows. → “what you do want, Y/N?” → his tone was harsh, and your heart broke a little. → “why are you acting like this? i thought everything was going well between us?” → he ripped his arm out of your grasp, staring at your hand that was just resting on his a second ago. → “nothing’s wrong…” he grumbled, and stared at him. → “seongwoo, you’ve become so distant and moody. there’s definitely something wrong, just tell me.” → suddenly, he threw his arms up in the air, and shouted. → “i like you, okay!? and i dont want to go back to heaven…” → there are no words to describe the shock you felt after he said that. → “…what?” → he continued with a frustrated expression. → “i like you a lot. but i’m leaving you, literally tomorrow. do you know how much that hurts me? to leave someone you like who probably doesn’t even like you back in the first place?! my heart hurts, and its been hurting for a while now! i dont even know how i fell for you, maybe it’s because you smell really ni-“ → you cut off his rambling with a tight hug. → you smiled through the fabric of the sweater he was wearing. → “stop talking, and just hug me back.” → you could feel seongwoo tense up, but slowly put his arms around your smaller frame. → “Y/N.. why are you hugging me?” → your rolled your eyes, smile getting wider. → “you’re such a dummy sometimes. i like you too.” → he sucked in a breath, before tightening his hug. → “really? thats great to hear.” → but the moment didn’t last very long, because he pulled back from the hug with a frown on his lips. → “but, im still leaving tomorrow. us confessing doesn’t change anything.” → you looked down at your feet, grabbing his hands. → “well, i guess we have to make the best of it.” → it was only 4:00 pm, so you still had time to spare and do stuff as human-to-human, rather than human-to-kitten. → of course, you both cuddled and fed each other small marshmallows. → basically you guys just did really cute stuff until 7:00, when seongwoo changed back into a kitten. → it was just around the time you would usually go to sleep, and seongwoo was already resting on the couch as you got ready for bed. → you stared hard into the mirror, tears slowly flowing out of your eyes. → “i don’t want him to go..” you told yourself. → despite your silent protests, there was nothing you could do. → you fell asleep next to the kitten with a frown on your lips. → the next morning, you woke up to strong arms around your waist. → sEONGWOO WAS SPOONING YOU !!!!! → your cheeks immediately heated up, but went away as you remembered what today was. → the day he leaves. → you got up from his grasp, and left for the kitchen. → “seongwoo!” you call out. → he groaned in response, and you smiled sadly, “do you know how you’re leaving?” → you heard a faint grumble and a “no”, taking that as a sign to drop the topic. → as you walked by, you noticed the weather outside begin to get darker and windier. → it was quite nice the whole month, so this abrupt change startled you and seongwoo. → suddenly, rain poured down so hard, you felt the floor shake. → “seongwoo..? whats going on?” you asked, beginning to get scared. → he took a deep breath, opening the window in your living room. → “they’re here to take me back.” → grabbing his arm and pulling him in a tight bear hug, you looked up at him with an unreadable expression . → you weren’t ready for him to go so soon. → and then, just as you thought the winds would take him away, a small, yellow note flew through your windows and landed gracefully onto the floor. → you left seongwoo’s arms, and slowly picked it up. → “theres always an unspoken rule: if you want to become fully human again, draw a black circle on your wrist and blow.” → your eyes widened, so did his. → you stared at each other, no words spoken between you two. → by now, the rain and winds were gone and replaced with a beautiful sunshine. → seongwoo wasted no time in grabbing the black marker that sat on your table, drawing a perfect circle and blowing. → as he blew, the circle slowly disappeared, and the word “human”, bolded in black appeared right after. → everything was silent. → “seongwoo,” you said softly, “are you human now?” → “i think so…” he replied, brows furrowed. → “i just dont understand, why would he let me do this?” → as though someone was there right beside the both of you, there was a whisper. → “you deserve it, seongwoo. love her well, and dont lose her.” → a bright smile replaced the confusion on your face, and you turned to seongwoo, giving him the biggest hug. → “don’t leave me now, seongwoo.” → he laughed, returning the bear hug “i wouldnt dream of it.”

[unpopular-bishop]

i've realized why i'm still upset with duen and all it took was an awful night's sleep!!

the bohn and mind situation reminds me so much of the khai and chingching situation!! in both cases, our "playboy" characters get kissed against their will and then get blamed and dumped for it. and in the end, they are the ones to apologize and continue to take that blame. this scene in my engineer rubbed me so wrong bc i am still chafing about it from theory of love!!

putting my thoughts under a read more bc it turned into 2k of bullshit. tw: consent and assault

i'm not a khai apologist okay, i get it. as much as i adore him now, the first handful of tol episodes were hard af for me to get over bc i just!!! wanted!!! to beat him up!!!! and let third go find a good boyfriend (and friend) who would appreciate him. but khai won me over with how obviously he was trying his best to change. i know some people maybe think that it was too sudden but imo it wasnt because a whole lot had just happened to make him want to be a better person:

he'd just had his world turned upside down from finding that video confession; he felt like he was losing third, who has been his stable best friend literally since their first few days at college, and he didnt understand why bc honestly in his own selfish stupid way he did that awful shit to try to save their friendship; he nearly died after a fight with third where third told him to leave him alone and his last thoughts were of third and how badly he'd fucked up. like he got into a major accident and walked back to third just to see him again. when he woke up, third was there but there was still such distance between them. and he hated it. all of those things happened to make him realize exactly how much he loved and valued third, and how badly he had treated third thruout their relationship.

so khai tries. he tries to be a better person, a better person for third. you know what old khai would have done upon meeting chingching? you best believe he would have been all over that. but instead he was polite and kind but distant to her. all he did was give her a ride to the faculty and not out right reject her when she auditioned. that was it. that was it! (honestly khai began to treat girls politely but distantly upon falling for and pursuing third. even jam on the beach, he was never rude or mean. polite and distant is his new way of dealing with people who may upset his relationship with third. he also treated milk this way when she showed up and harassed him at his apartment which i also have feelings about).

khai says he put himself in the situation to be kissed. but here is the situation: he went out with his friends. that's it? that is the situation. he went out with the sound crew (kind of reluctantly even), and was again polite and distant with chingching. he was happy and feeling good because he was making progress with the person he finally feels secure and loved with, he's changing the way he lives and treats people. he's happy.

and then he gets assaulted by a girl he has done nothing to encourage. then he tries to leave and finds third kissing another guy. and then third blames him for being assaulted (bc being kissed against your will is assault, and i'll get back to that with bohn), and then when he finally catches up to third, third throws a glass bottle at him, yells at him and, in the end, tells him he thinks khai is unable to love.

and of course third is allowed to feel this way about all of these things, but he is so ready to believe the worst of khai. he is absolutely ready and willing (to the point of getting upset with two for trying to convince him otherwise) that khai is the same khai that has hurt him time and time again. he has been hurt too much and he just cant stick his already sliced neck out again like that. which is valid and understandable! khai has hurt him! (and khai assaulted him too, which i could also get into. but khai kissing third against his will doesnt mean that chingching kissing him is in any way acceptable as some sort of karma imo).

what got me though was just how miserable and vulnerable khai was when he talks about this with third finally. of course third wouldnt believe him. of course he put himself in that situation. of course its hit fault that a girl kissed him bc he has a reputation. nevermind that all he did was go out with friends (and alongside his current love interest) and drink? is khai supposed to be on guard at all times now, just in case someone who knows he is a playboy decides they wanna forcibly lock lips with him against his will?

all of this is to say that i just wish third had told khai it wasnt his fault that he was kissed against his will. is it his fault that there is a severe lack of trust between them? absolutely. but khai is not responsible for chingching's bad actions. he was assaulted and blamed for it and felt like he couldnt say that because no one would believe him due to his reputation which just....reeks of real life parallels that i dont think the writers meant to stumble upon but sure did.

now onto bohn and mind.

khai and bohn being playboys is portrayed so very differently, which i think is why i'm a little more upset with duen than i am with third in this situation.

where the first like five episodes of tol took time to set khai up as a serious playboy, its only mentioned with bohn. bohn meets duen within the first handful of minutes if my eningeer and the rest is history. the closest we get to onscreen playboy behavior is *gasp* bohn going to a birthday party for a girl he doesnt particularly like but is willing to go along with to the point of buying her a present, holding her cake, and dragging his friends to an awkward and bad party. she is never seen nor mentioned again after leaving (lmao dont worry tho she is set up as a slut so u dont have to feel bad for her! haha love that thanks bl writers).

the rest of the episodes sets it up to show that bohn shows affection through acts of service and physical affection. he is awful at communication and will do bad things to get attention (bc he was a lonely rich kid who only got attention by doing these things i'm sure) from duen bc to bohn it seems like duen wont give him the time of day most of the time. duen rejects his primary love language (physical affection) but occasionally accepts his secondary (acts of service) (bohn giving him space to study, hunting down that specific book for him, doing those dumbass tasks that duen's friends came up with).

cut to the planting trip. so far, the series has set it up as bohn being as open as he is able to be about his feelings when both his ways of expressing himself are commonly rejected and/or misunderstood by duen. he's tried to have a couple real conversations but has been dismissed or ignored (which i'm sure duen didn't mean to do on purpose but also i am on bohn's side bc nobody else is and i seriously need his friends to step up!!!). he feels insecure in the relationship and like duen does not even like him, let alone care enough to be jealous.

we have also set up the fact that if someone comes onto bohn, duen will be upset with him. when mind is first introduced, its him cornering bohn in a bathroom and aggressively pressuring him into going out with him. bohn rejects him (not nearly as politely and distantly as khai has interacted with girls post-getting with third) but is still blamed by duen when "caught". this is used as a set up for why duen doesnt trust bohn, duen using the rumors of bohn's playboy lifestyle to explain to himself why bohn is bad news (nevermind that the only proof he has is his friends telling him rumors and the one bday party where bohn is bored and obviously more interested in fucking around with duen than anything or anyone else).

and then bohn is sexually assaulted in the woods. which he is only alone in becaus he was cooling down from a fight with duen. he feels insecure and disrespected and unheard, and then he gets stalked by a man who he knows doesnt respect boundaries and spooked (and i'm sure is disappointed it's not duen that came to find him). mind disrespects duen, which is what makes bohn really mad imo, and then forces a kiss on him. bohn has to struggle to push him off, and then only manages to get mind to leave him alone by threatening to hit him. (notice that he did not actually hit him, which would have been a valid and understandable response? bc bohn isnt really as tough as he appears i think).

bohn's first thought is not "i have just been assaulted, i would like support in this processing time." its "if i tell my boyfriend i was kissed, even tho it was against my will, he will be angry at me. i dont want him to be angry at me."

again, he does not even think duen likes him. duen doesnt show it at all in ways bohn can understand (i think duen's love language is gift giving but if bohn told him to give him the gifts i dont think bohn really understands that). he is already insecure in his relationship and he doesnt want to tell duen someone else came up and forced a kiss on him bc he is scared duen will blame him for it and be angry.

unfortunately?? he is right. while i really appreciated king's advice on not lying, i really wish it had been more along the lines of "you should tell duen what happened so he can support you alongside us, your friends. and if he does not support you, thats fucked up of him and we will support you even more."

i cant blame bohn for not telling duen. a) he is scared he will be blamed. b) if someone cornered me in the woods and kissed me against my will i'd be fucked up about it too! i also might want to keep it a secret! c) he may be feeling embarrassed and ashamed. he is a grown man who was just kissed by someone else and he couldnt stop it from happening. we already known bohn feels insecure in his manhood (he is insecure in a lot :( ) and i'm sure this wasnt like. the most stellar feeling in the world! he needed some time to process!!

the point is, bohn goes to tell duen what happened. and he doesnt even get to? he gets told that duen saw it (and i guess we can pretend that it didnt look like a full on fight if that's what duen wants to think bc of his own insecurities) and then gets dumped. so from bohn's pov he was like. assaulted in the woods, violently shoved his attacker away, and then finds out his boyfriend saw it and........didnt come to help?? pretended he didnt see it and talked to bohn normally when he found him??? literally tested him and then got upset about his lying??? didnt check in with bohn at all to see if he was okay?

and then in the end when they make up, its again bohn going through a task (this time hunting duen down at night in the woods) to apologize to duen instead of the other way around? bohn was not lying to duen bc he did something wrong and wanted to hide it. he was lying to duen bc he a) needed time to process what happened b) was scared of exactly what happened happening and c) didnt even think duen would care about him enough to be jealous.

this got so long and i'm so sorry to anyone who decided to read this whole thing oh man. i guess my final thoughts are that the reason i'm still dissatisfied with where bohnduen ended up this season is because i feel like bohn and khai were blamed for something that was in no way actually their faults. neither of them invited people they werent interested in to kiss him. neither of them deserved to be blamed for it. yes, it was just a kiss and some may feel like i'm overreacted but to me it isnt just a kiss. its that both of them were essentially sexually assaulted and neither felt like they would be believed if they said that they werent at fault (khai actually believed he was and i'd bet bohn thinks he should have been more careful too).

it just makes me sad bc i know it was never be addressed, it was used as a way to break trust for both couples but? it only highlighted that third and duen werent willing to trust, not that bohn and khai were actually untrustworthy in this regard!

[vitalmindandbody]

Ellen von Unwerth:’ Let’s photograph daughters experiencing life’

Blending old-world charm with a uniquely provocative eroticism, Ellen von Unwerths photographs are a riot of fun and sly subversion. Richard Godwin hears why we need to take ourselves less seriously

Ellen von Unwerth cant stop laughing. The German photographer, 63, is bouncing around the Taschen gallery in West Hollywood in her sneakers, attempting to talk through the images from her latest exhibition and art book, Heimat.

So heimat means Fatherland or Motherland or where you were born and where your roots are, she tells me. Bavaria is not my heimat, but we wanted to make a parody of the whole Bavarian thing.

The whole Bavarian thing, apparently, involves supermodels frolicking nude in Alpine meadows, performing suggestive acts with sausages, udders and holy virgins, sledging topless, spanking one another in dirndls and generally enjoying the fecundity and vigour for which the southern German slopes are celebrated. Oh, ja, its very sexual there, even the clothes they push up the bosoms and there are lots and lots of sausages, ha ha ha, she explains. But you see so many images that are dark and depressing at the moment. All these sad women being sad! So I figured, lets show girls having fun and enjoying life.

The new Bardot: Claudia Schiffer in Italy, 1989. Photograph: Ellen von Unwerth

Von Unwerth has a peculiar talent for getting famous and beautiful women (Claudia Schiffer, Madonna, Naomi Campbell, Rihanna, Kate Moss) to remove their inhibitions and frequently their underwear while retaining control. Her images are often provocatively sexual, but its usually her subjects who are doing the provoking. I always give them something to do, she confides. When somebodys not moving I get bored. I take two pictures and I say: Great, I have it now. But I love the body in movement. I like the nude body in movement.

The fashion world adores her for this. You could tell from the raucous launch party for Heimat, where Arnold Schwarzenegger improbably rubbed shoulders with Yolandi Visser, and most of the models from the shoot ended up jumping in a swimming pool. Von Unwerths Instagram feed is also one of the few that make fashion weeks actually look fun. On International Womens Day, the fashiony corners of Instagram were awash with tributes to her: You bring fun, sexy, craziness to set. I always enjoy pushing my boundaries, embracing my femininity/sexuality and of course my personality always loud and proud when we work together, wrote one model, Alexina Graham. Ellen von Unwerths playful and empowering photos are such a joy to be a part of and I am so happy she is there to represent women in such a male dominated profession! wrote another, Syrie Moskowitz.

I always give the models something to do: Ellen von Unwerth. Photograph: Steffen Kugler

It is clear that everyone had a whole lot of giggles in Bavaria. Von Unwerth motions towards an image of three women topless on a sled: This model is Miss Russia and she brought a lot of vodka to the shoot. So they were drinking behind my back in the snow. Von Unwerth is not much given to analysing. When I allude to the male gaze she has no idea what Im talking about. When I find myself grasping for the word pornography she shoots back: Have you ever seen a porno? Well, one of your pictures does literally depict two people having sex in a hayloft. Its more inspired by a B-movie sense of camp. I wouldnt say porno. (After our interview, one of her assistants calls me to make sure that I dont think its pornographic.)

Of course, the word I should have reached for was erotic. Or perhaps simply German. Look at the scandal there was with Janet Jackson over here, she says referring to the Super Bowl nipple slip of 2004. It was a boob! Its something you should be proud of and not hide. Especially if its nice. Ha ha ha ha! In Germany it is not like this. Even if you go to a park in Berlin in the summer, everybody is naked and playing frisbee. You would get arrested if you did that in LA.

Leg pull: Bumpy Slide, from Heimat. Photograph: Ellen von Unwerth

Von Unwerth was born in Frankfurt in 1954 and grew up in an orphanage and a succession of foster homes. She has no recollection of her parents and not much inclination to reflect on their absence. Its what made my life, she says. I was free from influence and I was able to take the best from everywhere. I dont really have a heimat. So her heimat is wherever she happens to be? Exactly.

She moved to Bavaria aged 16 to join a commune and later went to study in Munich. On her first day at university someone said: Hey, would you like to do a modelling job? And I turned around and never went back to university. That led to a shoot for the German magazine Bravo, which in turn led to her being signed by Elite models in Paris. I kind of hated modelling, but somehow I did it for 10 years. I was not really the exhibitionist type. Its hard psychologically to be a model. And mostly people told me not to move when I was posing. I just wanted to be like the girls in my pictures now.

Your Turn, (Rihanna), 2009. Photograph: Ellen von Unwerth

It was only in 1986 that she first started taking photographs herself a boyfriend lent her his camera on a fashion production in Kenya and she ventured into a nearby village to shoot local children. I came back home and showed them to my friends and they were like: Theyre really good, Ellen! Because models are supposed to be stupid. I was surprised myself because I wasnt so interested in photography. I had never learnt how to do it.

Her images were published in the French magazine Jill, and she went on to shoot for i-D, the Face, Interview and Vogue, in the vein of her greatest influence Helmut Newton. It was a shoot with the then unknown Claudia Schiffer for French Elle in 1988 that made both of their careers. She was a sweet girl and I didnt think so much of it, but when I looked at the pictures, I called my husband [music producer Christian Fourteau] and said: Doesnt she look like Brigitte Bardot? The teeth, the eyes? Soon after we did the Guess jeans campaign and it was a jumpstart to my career. She also discovered Eva Herzigov (shes oozing with vitality) and Nadja Auermann, and shot the infamous 1995 Playboy shoot that announced that Drew Barrymore was no longer the girl from ET. She has remained in demand even though the smartphone era has cheapened the art.

Saddle up: On the high horse, 2015. Photograph: Ellen von Unwerth

Its not special any more to be a photographer, she says. Even when I take a picture, everybody stands next to me and takes the same picture. Five minutes later its on everyone elses Instagram and Im old news so Im forced to take pictures on my iPhone too.

She tells me she can usually tell the difference between a photograph a man has taken and one a woman has taken. But I find it crazy how women photograph themselves all the time. When I was a girl and looked in the mirror, my stepmother would come in and give me a slap. There was this idea that if you did that, the devil would get in you and steal your personality. Now everyone does this. I ask models sometimes, Do you have to take so many selfies? And they say: Only when I take selfies do I get likes. Its sad! Narcissism is so celebrated in our society, sometimes people lose interest in other people.

Heimat by Ellen von Unwerth, price 650, is published by Taschen as a collectors edition of 1,500 copies, each numbered and signed by the photographer. For more information, go to taschen.com

Read more: www.theguardian.com

The post Ellen von Unwerth:’ Let’s photograph daughters experiencing life’ appeared first on vitalmindandbody.com.

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From Produce 101 S2 to Wanna One

Hi ya! I’m back!! Waw its beeeen soooo long since last time I wrote something here. Many things happened to me when I was hiatus here.. I watched BTS CNBLUE and EXO concert again!! Yesss!!! And now, guess what?! I have new favorite group! Duuuh its so hard to resist this group.. bcs I’ve been with them since D-0 even way before! The group is called Wanna One! Do you remember when I promised not to like any other group than CNBLUE EXO BTS? Lol sorry I broke my promise and I stan this group so hard! Btw I have done all requirements to be a full doctor, and now I’m officially a full doctor!! I will turn 27 years old this september.. ewrr time flies and here I am, still stuck in Korean world.. HAHA.. but I do hope I will find my other half soon! Aaaamiiin! Back to previous topic, sorry for interrupting haha.. Lemme explain you about my new favorite group, Wanna One. The group consists of 11 members, chosen by National Producer from a show called Produce 101. What is produce 101? Produce 101 is actually a survival show where 101 trainees from different labels competing to be top 11 based on voting system. So basically, Wanna One consists of 11 members from various labels.

Wanna members, in their ranking order, are: 1. Kang Daniel (vocal/rapper, born in 1996, MMO trainee) 2. Park Jihoon (vocal/rapper, born in 1999, Maroo ent trainee) 3. Lee Daehwi (vocal, born in 2001, Brand New Music trainee) 4. Kim Jaehwan (main vocal, born in 1996, individual trainee) 5. Ong Seungwoo (lead vocal, born in 1995, Fantagio trainee) 6. Park Woojin (main rapper, born in 1999, Brand New Music trainee) 7. Lai Guanlin (rapper, born in 2001, Cube trainee) 8. Yoon Jisung (vocal, born in 1991, MMO trainee) 9. Hwang Minhyun (lead vocal, born in 1995, Pledis trainee, Nu'est member) 10. Bae Jinyoung (vocal, born in 2000, C9 ent trainee) 11. Ha Sungwoon (main vocal, born in 1994, Ardor&Able/StarCrew trainee, Hotshot member)

So based on the ranking, their center is Kang Daniel. The leader is Yoon Jisung bcs he is the oldest and wisest like a mom (the members call him jisungmom). The second oldest Ha Sungwoon is called “Aunty” or 이모 bcs he talks too much lol. And the father is Hwang Minhyun bcs he has father-like figure.

Before stanning this group, I watched all Produce 101 S2 eps. I didnt watch first season bcs the trainees were girls (I only know their debut group I.O.I) hahaa.. and for S2 bcs they are boys so why not trying?

Okay so there were interesting story about Produce 101 S2. People said its gonna be a flop variety show like boys24 at first.. but then many ppl attracted to this show bcs Jang Moonbok, a trainee with long hair with previous experience when auditioning a show called superstar K. He was a child back then and his rap was not clear and ppl call it funny. So many people esp men, got interested to Produce 101 S2 bcs they want to see how Jang Moonbok improve his rap and performance. Beside moonbook, the show also got quite known bcs 나야나 (It’s Me/Pick Me) performance by all PD101 S2 trainees. Ppl found attractive trainee called “wink boy”. Yes he is Park Jihoon!

Okay now its time to talk about me.. my journey with Produce 101 lol. At first I know this show was gonna airing soon but for exact date, I had no idea, so I didnt tune on mnet and missed the first eps. I found couples videos of their trainees: the PR videos, meringue-time videos, eye-contact videos. I know some other trainees beside moonbok and jihoon, like nu'est members, samuel, ha sungwoon (just know the name bcs of BTS’ Jimin, but I didnt recognize his face), and I have no idea about other trainees. I actually didnt know which trainee I should support, so I chose it by seeing the their eye-contact video thumbnail. I found an interesting one, he looked handsome, and I click it, oh he sang Dean “half moon” my favorite song! His voice is good and sweet, and his face is handsome. Then I checked the name, ahhh it was Ha Sungwoon! Wow he is that jimin’s friend whom I didnt recognize his face before. He is good! So I decided to pick this guy as my favorite.

So back to pd101 story, I missed the first eps so I watch the 2nd eps and I saw amazing perfomance from my pick, Ha Sungwoon with his labelmate Noh Taehyun. They performed Block B “Very good”. It was amazing and breath-taking! Damn I love it so much! They got A grade and I was so happy! I thought “this is good my pick is qualified and indeed talented! I’m not wrong in choosing trainee!. Ah btw, 1st and 2nd episode for Produce 101 is for company performance. So all trainees from same label perform something and then they were given A-F grade individually based in their performances by the trainers. It took so long to watch all performances tbh haha.. while watching, I recognized a pink-hair trainee, Kang Daniel! He was cute but not that attractive for me, but he was easily recognized bcs of his pink hair. Also yoon jisung bcs his reaction was always dramatic. I also recognize for level A trainees such as Ong seungwoo and BNM boys daehwi woojin, sewoon with his vocal and guitar and Jaehwan with his skyfall performance! Also cube performance (Yoo Seunho and Lai Guanlin) with basic dance HAHA THEY WERE SO CUTE I CANT! They were called byeongari trainees.

Okay theeeen the broadcast keep going on. My pick, sungwoon, was ranked 30 something.. so sad! The first one was Jihoon (yeah Wink power) and second one was moonbok. For the rest members I didnt remember exactly but I remember only ong seungwoo, guanlin, daehwi, jinyoung, minhyun who were on top 11 for the first ranking announcement. As the episodes continue, there were many changes on the ranking. It was quite drastic tbh.

For the first elimination ranking, my pick sungwoon was 21. Jihoon 1, jisung 3, ong 4, daniel 5, daehwi 7, guanlin 9, minhyun 11 Others were not in top 11. I thought “it needs lot efforts to get sungwoon to top 11 omg his rank is only 20 over its gonna be hard). Woojin was also came from bottom rank, he was 20 something too but I forgot.

So after first elimination, the trainees left was only 60 and they were divided to perform based on vocal, rap, or dance. I always read pd101 updates, basically many knets love woojin and I was sure he could make it on top 11 but not with sungwoon.. Sungwoon teamed up with minhyun jisung jaehwan hyunbin to perform "Downpour” as vocal team. Omg I really love it! Sungwoon was so emotional and all trainees including me, cried together. It was so touching. Up until now I never get bored seeing and listening to their singing. Also my another favorite team is Get Ugly team. You know what? DANIEL DYED HIS HAIR TO DARK BROWN. NO MORE PINK HAIR! and guess what? AWESOME.. HANDSOMENESS INCREASED BY 100% LOL. And his Get Ugly performance is my favorite.. it was rvjwkalwgqkwlwjsbs DOPE. ALL HIS MOVES ARE AMAZING. B-boying and showing his abs haha.. I was pretty sure this boy can make to top 11, but so sad he was ranked 5 on his team and woojin was the first one (that makes me sure he 100% would be top 11).

Second elimination ranking announcement, sungwoon was 25.. and the rest wanna one members were 1-15.. ahh I felt more desperate.. i was so afraid he wouldnt make it. But sungwoon kept showing his good side and his effort to be recognized even the trainer praised him! And his downpour solo cam was always on top 100 video. I had a little hope but still hard to believe he could make it.

Okay next one is concept evaluation.. there were 5 songs to be perfomed: Showtime, Oh Little Girl, Open Up, I know you know, Never. Poor sungwoon, he was supposed to be on Never team but got moved to Showtime haha.. and Daniel got punishment for showing a clue which song he wanted to perform and moved to Open Up. The rest of Wanna One members are Never team, jihoon jinyoung are oh little girl, jisung is showtime along with sungwoon. Never is a very good song, I like it. Their performance is good but I love Open Up performance more, especially daniel oh gosh why is he getting hot and hot seriously!

Finally! Third elimination ranking announcement, there were unexpected moment! A BIGGEST PLOT TWIST! my sungwoon, shoot up to ranking 3! Can you imagine how shock I was? He was 25 before!! I was so desperate and I thought he wouldnt make to final but he was rank 3! Amazing! And daniel, he won concept performance and ranked 1!! Ohyeaaah my picks got high ranking xD.

And the final.. the moment of truth…. they announced rank 10 first.. then up to 1.. daniel won! My sungwoon wasnt called yet.. for rank 11 there were 4 candidates: jonghyun dongho sungwoon sewoon.. I was sure it would be jonghyun but then jonghyun ranked 14! Oh my god! Sungwoon might be number 11! And then dongho ranked 13.. now sewoon and sungwoon left… theeeeeen they called SUNGWOON! OH GOSHHHHH MY PICK MADE TO TOP 11!!! I’m so happy bcs at first I thought he couldnt make it bcs he was always 20ish on eps 1-9. And I’m happy for daniel too, bcs he could be number 1 despite all situation he got. Tbh I thought jihoon were gonna be the winner but daniel secured his position! He never became a center and was rank lower on his team, and finally fully recognized for his Open Up performance!

Wawwww what a long story!!! So thats all my pd101 story.. next one is about Wanna One!! Wanna One members are funny, entertaining, handsome, and talented. Daehwi can compose a song, daniel woojin can make a choreography, and no need to doubt our rap and vocal members! Ong is seriously funny too tbh, when he performed Thats what I like, i thought he was serious person but thats no no haha. Minhyun is also charming! Woojin is also funny especially when he speaks satoori lol.. and jaehwan? Oh gosh his laughing makes me stomachache haha he is so funny kinda remember me about baekhyun. Guanlin is seriously hot too, especially when he plays basketball.. every shoot hes done is always accurate! Jihoon's wink jeojang gguggaga are also being hit everywhere! And my pick sungwoon he is funny and so talkative haha. Every Wanna One members have their own charm and I like it! We have ongniel is science pink sausage, saranghae minhwan, eolganz, sodu a.k.a jinhwi, panwink a.k.a. laji unit.. all members have good variety skill too tbh!

They debuted on August 7th with an album called 1x1=1 (To be One) and Energetic is their title song. The song is not that good when I first listened to it but it has been growing on me as time goes by and I like it very much now! The choreo is good! And btw, Wanna One fans are called as Wannables! YEAAAAH I AM WANNABLE!! I support this group fully now. But so sad if I remember the fact that they will disband on 2019. I have only approx 1.5years to support them, and I will give my all! I hope they can win a daesang!! Go go Wanna One!!