#kind of sucks so far sorry
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okay so im not crazy for assuming inside j*b was a kids cartoon. besides the style and fanbase overlap apparently a bunch of the executive producers are from grvity falls
#literally still feels like a kids cartoon but with unfunny references to 'adult' subject matter#kind of sucks so far sorry#i might watch more just to see if they do anything more interesting by the finale but it really hasnt been very funny to make up for it bein#g as stupid as it is#i really wouldnt be able to exactly explain why its so boring to me but i found gf boring too (sorry)#-> talking about inside job again not gravity falls#its premise is bad and none of the characters are appealing#could elaborate but i guess im being enough of a hater on here. also tormenting myself by insisting i watch a season or whatever#censoring so it doesnt go in any tags btw tell me if it somehow does
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We ARE going to bring up Captain Amelia. You have good taste! GOOD TASTE I SAY! *aka I just rewatched Treasure Planet and got hit with, "Oh yeahhhhh... that explains a lot!"*
honestly, the Meg/Jasmine/Amelia trifecta tells you 90% about me as a person. (the rest is covered by Sailor Jupiter and Sailor Uranus and, uhhh, I'll stop baring my soul to the world now)
and speaking of Amelia, this is tangential, but like -- there's one Twst comic I have been kicking at for a while where I needed an RSA sports/flight teacher and, uh, well
someday I will wrangle this stupid comic into coherency and she'll get to make an appearance (in the background of a single panel, half-obscured by a tall hat) (but I will know she's there and that's the important thing)
#art#twisted wonderland#twst oc#my plan worked i've tricked you all into looking at my anime catgirl oc#she exists to yell at some rsa boys so she doesn't really have like. a character or story or anything. sorry!#(her name is alexandria north and that is what she considers a sporty outfit. that's as far as i got)#this is the one that is mainly about silver and neige having a mutual bluebird friend and i am having terrible trouble making it not suck#which given some of the stuff i post should tell you something about how it's going so far#(it's just kind of an incoherent mess of ideas at this point. nothing specific just ~the creative process~)#maybe the rest of episode 7 will give my brain the kickstart it needs. depends on how that goes i guess#god. the next episode 7 bit drops in (probably) just a few days.#I'M NOT READY#i have simultaneously never been ready and always been ready#i exist in a perpetual state of impatience
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We're learning about grouse hunting together!
I was really undecided on whether I wanted to hunt with Rory for realsies because I don't have a shotgun and I don't really care to get a shotgun (I have a gun license from my time up north). I have a small air rifle and a tactical slingshot (both legal for hunting small game in my area) so I've been taking those for walks in hunting areas, along with all my permits and stuff, just to see what we see.
This grouse woods is in the same corner as my swamp, just a different part of the rec area. You can legally hunt small game during the open season with dogs with some restrictions (certain distance from the parking, some trails close for hunting on a rotational basis for maintenance, etc.) but it's not terribly popular so it's a really good area to learn. We are looking for ruffed grouse and rabbit, both of which are super common out here.
With pointing dogs like britts, you generally don't want to shoot any game unless they're pointing steady (*except when doing gun conditioning, but that's a specific training set up) - it makes sense because a shot bird is the ultimate reward and you want to make sure you're reinforcing the behaviour you want, which is usually a safe steady point. Rory isn't pointing steady yet so there's really not much for me to do on these walks besides reinforce good manners (recall, how far she ranges, etc.).
There's a really well known saying in pointing dogs, which is wild birds make bird dogs. Wild birds flush (fly away) much more reliably than farmed birds so the chances of a dog catching a wild bird is really minimal compared to farmed birds. It's super important to get young bird dogs on wild birds as much as possible so they learn all the important skills: how to navigate terrain, what habitat holds birds, what each bird species smells like, how far they can range, and most importantly, that they need a person to actually get a bird.
(Most of these skills can be taught with planted birds in training, but planted birds may be more habituated to people and dogs so they might not flush reliably. Once pointing dogs learn that they can catch birds themselves, it's much harder to foster a strong stop and point. You might see people using these tip ups, which protect the training bird from the dog. You'll often see training dogs on long lines (called check cords) or with a flank collar to reinforce not getting too close to the bird, but you have to phase those out quickly so the dog doesn't become dependent on them. You also have to be really careful with scent trails when setting up planted birds or you might end up with a dog that follows your scent instead of looking for birds organically. And of course, you have to train without birds sometimes so the dog doesn't get discouraged about not finding birds quickly because sometimes there just aren't birds out there. Lots to consider when setting up training!)
Anyway I've been trying to get Rory out on wild birds as much as possible (with the caveat that we don't run wild birds during nesting season) so we're wandering the grouse woods lately. My early recall training is really paying off because she's been super reliable in terms of good manners, it's wonderful to see!
We've been out four times (1-2 hours each) so far since the season opened. The first two times we're mostly just a pleasant walk in the woods, Rory didn't really know what we were doing so she was just vibing (THIS IS TOTALLY FINE, SHE'S NEW TO THIS). We had a couple chance grouse encounters and I could see the wheels turning, I encouraged her to sniff around where the grouse were sitting before they flew off and I watched her start to connect the dots.
(It's important to remember that dogs don't know what they're looking for until you show them. Most bird dogs are naturally birdy, but they don't know which birds are good and which birds are boring! You have to show them which birds you care about - this is easiest if you can run with an experienced hunting dog, but you can do it alone like I am by making a big deal about any interest in the "correct" birds.)
The last time we went out to the grouse woods, she did a couple of really nice whip-arounds when she caught scent she liked and followed scent off the trail I was walking! This is the behaviour I want to see so it was awesome to watch it start to click! She trailed a moose (don't want that, she found some moose pee to roll in so whatever), a pileated woodpecker (again, don't want that but it was cool to see), and two separate grouse. The first was on the wrong side of the fence so I couldn't do anything about it but she held a really nice point (the photo) and I gave her a ton of chicken and praise for it. The second was a quick point but it flushed really far away so there was no finding it again. Both birds weren't visible when she found them, they were true scent points and she was strategically looking for them so that was super cool!
She's still in heat and super sensitive right now so I wouldn't shoot over her anyway, but I'm getting pretty accurate with my slingshot so I'm hoping we can connect on something this fall - both for her pointing steady and me aiming properly. She gets more steady and more sure of herself every time we go out so it's only a matter of time!
#rory borealis#about aurora#bird dog training#dogblr#this is a long one!#its pretty rambly about my thoughts about grouse hunting training so far#one real issue im having right now is how gear-sensitive rory is#she will happily wear a regular collar (or an ecollar - shes conditioned to wearing it but i dont use it on her yet)#but i cant put a bell or a belly protector on her without her freaking out#it makes her super shut down and upsetti and it sucks#ultimately its not a big deal because she ranges appropriately and i can have eyeballs on her at all times#but i would like her to wear an orange belly protector for these kinds of outings because its hard on her body#i have to revisit gear desensitization once shes done her heat#ive never had a dog that was this avoidant of gear tbh#on the note about gear:#rory has exceptional recall especially for a young bird dog#you'll notice im running her naked without an ecollar or gps collar#if youre following along and want to train your dog for grouse hunting PLEASE use appropriate gear for your dog#dont ruin the privilege of running dogs on public land by not having reliable control over your loose dog#i really dont gatekeep most of the areas i run my dog - i am so so happy to give local people recommendations on where to run#but please please please dont be the person who ruins it for us#i dont say this to be rude like live your dream#but consider the ethics and the privilege of having access to these areas and how easily they could be taken away#(sorry thats a rant but you get it)
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Omg omg omg "Here comes the tickle monster" with ler!Jing Yuan and lee!Yanqing! If that's okay ofc💕
Mischievious Prompts [Still Open]
“My lord, please, you should still be resting…”
“A little rest is good for the soul,” Jing Yuan smiled back, gazing out the window; “But too much, and one risks becoming lethargic.”
Yanqing sighed softly, his brow furrowing with worry as he gazed at the general’s back. While it was true that Jing Yuan was bouncing back well, a part of him – the part that was still attached to his mentor – still stressed over the depth of his wounds. Jing Yuan could be like a cat at the best of times, concealing facets of his health to avoid worrying those he cared for – and giving his enemies an advantage, all the same.
“... I understand,” The young warrior managed after a moment, knowing better than to push his luck too far; “In that case, if there’s anything I can do to help, please, let me be of service.”
“Hm.”
Jing Yuan turned to look down upon Yanqing, a soft smile upon his lips as he took in the boy’s worried state – and with a soft chuckle, he nodded, turning to face him fully as Yanqing perked to attention.
“There is one thing…”
Something about the general’s tone struck a memory for Yanqing, who promptly tensed – suddenly overwhelmingly glad that there were no other members of staff present in Jing Yuan’s office. As the older warrior stepped forward, he stepped back, swallowing as he realized where this was going.
“My lord…! You can’t be serious – your condition is –”
“Not severe enough to stop the tickle monster!”
In a split moment, Jing Yuan grinned and started closer, earning a yelp of alarm from Yanqing as he darted away in turn, quickly moving to stay out of reach – though he couldn’t stop the anticipatory, equally entertained smile from seizing his features, nor the squeal that escaped him when the general finally seized his target.
“Here it comes!”
“Eeyah! Nohohoo, my - my lohord…!”
Ultimately, a little laughter was a soothing balm for both of their souls – and for those who passed by the office’s doors, pausing to smile at the muffled sounds of play within. All would be well within the Divination Commission.
#hsr tickles#jing yuan#yanqing#mine#sorry this is a lil late#also sorry that its lighter on the Content side but#i finished the final bit of luofu before starting penacony tonight#so that was still fresh in my mind and like. the best point of reference for me to work with#also my first time writing for anyone from hsr so im sorry if it feels clunky#i will find my rhythm eventually god willing#anyway did you know i love them. did you know#their dynamic as like. mentor/student but also kind of big brother/lil brother is just...#its everything to me :( yanqing cares his mentor so much and wants to make him proud#and jing yuan cares his apprentice so much and wants to make him strong#im ngl though... luofu kinda made me Sleep storywise#i felt like it dragged a bit :( which SUCKS bc the characters are great#and ill take any chance to see the stellaron hunters do funky shit. which they did manymuch of during that story#it just got overshadowed by uh. too much filler imo#belobog and (so far) penacony have felt better paced#neway im rambling sorry#enjoy the fic o7
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little doodles of my 3 DA protags i did at a friend's house :]
#droodles#ash is by far the happiest one baseline sorry for the terrible trauma and responsibilty you couldnt run from everyone else#ash has been wiggling her way out of being in charge of shit for her entire life even though shes very good at it would rather dilly dall#ashasiara#rhys#akin#ocs#dragon age#warden mahariel#hawke#inquisitor adaar#my friend asked what i was drawing while i was doing rhys and said hes so cute and got so sad when i said yeah :) he kind of sucks#moral backbone of an eclair but not in a fun criminal way in the 'betray everything youve ever stood for because youre scared shitless' way
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hot take ****** ** *** ***** is a really boring book
#I'm sorry its just the most lifeless writing ive ever read#describing objectively horrific things with just the blandest language#it would be scary and disturbing if it wasn't so dull#idk if its life just got lost in translation but its really disappointing so far#everyone keeps going on about how great and gripping it is and i just?? huh???#are we reading the same book#this kind of sucks
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writing about my elden ring oc has been my comfort thing for the last two years but since this dlc i genuinely can’t bring myself to enjoy it anymore. miquella, the haligtree and even malenia feel so different to me now
#i can’t even daydream about it at work it’s that bad#miquella especially has been ruined for me i don’t think there’s any coming back from that#like i said before i’m okay with the direction his story took#i’m okay with everything apart from the dumb consort bs#but learning the caelid war happened because radahn had to die to get resurrected as his husbando is fucking wild#it just makes them all feel so lame i’m sorry#the fact that no one predicted any of this too despite this community have the most thorough lore theorists i’ve ever seen#the fandom coming up with far better theories for this and then all we get is a 17 yrs yaoi fanfic type ending#prime man being reduced to nothing but a victim and miq is some kind of predator#while malenia is the enabler#holy shit this sucks#this might actually be the death of elden ring for me i just can’t really enjoy it anymore#i mean maybe that’s a good thing i’ve been to obsessed with this game for too long#pls don’t come at me telling me im wrong or whatever. this is how i feel and maybe over time things will change#but right now i’m just struggling to appreciate these characters the same way i used to
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i love my professor who is a medievalist and thus speaks how one might expect a medievalist would. we should all throw a Most Excellent in our emails more often.
#he's very helpful and invested in my personal wellbeing lol#as in he wrote the recommendation letter for my exchange semester and also for this application i'm doing now n wants to know updates on it#and he's never annoyed or short with me when i email him back asking for help w anything#versus other professor i asked for a recommendation letter who im sorry. kind of really sucks#i feel like im one mistake away from her freaking out on me at all times#i told her i need a physical recommendation letter redone as well as a digital version#but she only sent me the digital version so far in past few weeks so#i fear ill have to email her again and ask again. but like i Told her so it's not like it's my fault. she just did not see it or forgot#again not my fault#but yea she's the kind of person who if you ask two questions in an email she will only answer one of them#also gave no effort into my rec letter. she had it done 20 minutes after i emailed her about it and she spelled the word 'there' wrong#reminder that she's an english professor#anyways...
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oh yeah i know this is like. my blog so i get to choose the posts and all but i think i need to issue a formal apology over this so.
sorry to everyone watching me slip back into ensemble stars it’s been an unfortunate road here and tragically having been into it when i was a teenager predisposed me to getting a little reinvested years down the line 😭
#tldr downloaded the game to play w someone. got kind of invested in seeing how far everyone has grown since when I tapped out#bc I was a fan in 2016-2017 for the most part so like… still pretty early. there’s a world of difference between 2017 era and now 2020-#w the og cast anyway. the new cast r also my oomfs for the most part tho. :(#my fav is just like idol boy tharja reminiscent. same weird creepy writing sometimes bc the writers suck. really good character past it. 😔#missy said this one was deeply unsurprising for me. she’s not wrong.#also it has some really good music and the lives are fun and there’s fun content w the seiyuus. I am not immune to good music. or va content#anyways. I’m so sorry everyone
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Lies down. So it looks like my job is actively trying to moorder me so I’ll probably be mostly ded for a while. Honestly at a breaking point, can you believe vacation was just last month? :) Gonna keep doing my best to hold on for that mid-late spring exit/quitting time with next vacation but it’s going to be a trial forsure.
#I can’t quit now I’m 3/4 of the way to next vacay hour gifting u_u#I’ve come this far I at least need to nab that paid vacation…….#Done being nice work just takes advantage of any kindness I can muster#Please stop trying to call me in on my off days I need those to heal my shoulder 8’D#I came in anyway even when they called at 4am on a day I did not work when I would reasonably be SLEEPING but no not anymore u_u#I am done you will get no more extra hours from me#I don’t want to work more I’m hurting give those hours to coworkers u_u#The hours the company is being so stingy with :)#To the point that a petition is going around saying booooo you suck at staffing git gud binch!!!#Which I did sign because it is true git gud 8U)b#like even some customers have gone ‘you’re all by yourself????’ to me 8’D#I’m just saying ONE more person in the morning would help so much 8’D#Especially since we get tour busses on their way to the mountain starting as early as 7am until 10am!!!#There’s more bs but truly I am just so tired and upset but I hope I can make it to spring#Gonna take off Easter and also go to Sakuracon on the last vacay!#*lies down* But yes will try to give thumbs up out of the dirt mound atop me but will be mainly dead u_u#Sorry this was a long one big thanks if you read through u_u#*blows homie kisses at dorito buddos* Love you (bromo) don’t forget meeeeeee
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8 for the artist asks?
8. What's an old project idea that you've lost interest in?
oh man this is a hard one.
i don't necessarily keep track of that stuff, and my memory is abysmally bad too so i can't even exactly remember any in particular, but i know there's gotta be so so many
it depends too ig heavily on what it is?? there's some old original stories of mine that i scrapped almost in their entirety, though i know some concepts/characters i'd be willing to recycle for use in something else.
w/ fandom stuff ofc, i'm sure we've all seen authors/artists lose interest in something they were posting and stopped updating it, leaving it unfinished. i can't exactly blame them; as much as it might suck for the readers/viewers that were invested, it would suck even more for the original creator to be forced to do something they've lost all passion for.
some things stay forever but you move on from others, and it's not necessarily a tragedy despite the years of mourning endured
weirdly specific artist asks
#ask#anonymous#ask meme#this got weirdly deep & depressing sorry. kind of in a state of mind rn#that might just be a reason why im so hesitant to share my more fleshed out ideas ig#im scared of leaving behind an unsatisfying and unfinished thing in the case i do end up abandoning it#it sucks sometimes b/c i CANNOT shut up and overshare far too much but maybe its worth it to prevent further grief in the future#for all the things that could've been and never were; usually b/c i give up since it doesnt come as i want or i feel i cant deliver#yeah ive got a lot of issues i need to work on. oh the double edged sword of art being a release for all my anguish but also causing me it
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sotd.
#sotd 2023#vent incoming!!#grits my teeth. today has (so far) kind of fucking sucked#guy who did my tattoo kept complaining about me 'wiggling' SORRY ? U ARE STABBING MY FUCKING STOMACH ?#I CANNOT HELP THAT MY STOMACH KEEPS SUCKING IN LIKE THAT SHIT FUCKING HURTS SORRY???#and then when i got home and went to lock my car MY CAR KEY FUCKING SNAPPED AND BROKE#so i went to autozone liike 'HEY MY CAR KEY BROKE CAN U HELP??'#and they told me to go to another autozone store somewhere else and im like. fuck man. i'll do that tomorrow#and i go to starbucks bcuz ive had a rough day and i want a silly treat for myself#and 1) i realize I LOST MY FUCKIGN WALLET#and 2) THEY WERE OUT OF THE SYRUP TO MAKE MY DRINK BUT I THINK THEY WERE LYING TO ME. I WORK THERE IVE SEEN THE BACK OF THE STORE#WE DEFINITELY HAD MORE#BUT LIKE. FUCK ITS WHATEVER MAN#ITS JUST ITS WHATEVER#im going to drink my monster and play omori and cuddle with my cat
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[ID: tumblr tags that read # yes yes yes # i hate the pressure to post the moment something drops # and i hate feeling like i have to 'compete' against my mutuals and fellow creators to get notes or engagement # please reblog gifsets edits fanfic etc. please. # or people are just going to stop creating because what's the point # important # text. End ID.]
Not people saying “Fandom has always been like this” in that vent post I made. No. It hasn’t always been like this. Fandom has NEVER been like this until recently and if you were in fandom pre-tumblr purge, pre-twitter, pre-netflix boom, pre-tiktok….then you would fucking know it was nothing like this.
We still had the drive to create. We still sold prints and charms and made zines…but it was never like this.
The introduction of streaming, binge shows that drop all at once, tiktok and vine RIP i still love u vine but you were the beginning of a particularly ugly era) creating this bite sized, quick paced ‘content’ era of creation and it bled out into fucking everything else.
Fandoms didn’t die down when the show ended or the season was over. You didn’t mass unfollow artist, writers or moots just because they changed fandoms. There wasn’t this need to please the algorithm in order for your posts to get seen by people and enjoyed.
Fandoms used to last YEARS. Star Trek is literally the oldest running fandom out there and you got people in there that could care less about the new stuff and still have been happily prancing through their fucking fifty year old fandom today. Hell, even SPN after all it’s fuckups and shitshows has a dedicated fanbase STILL creating tons of art and fic.
There is no patience anymore. No calm feeling of taking in fandom and friends at a pace that which doesn’t make you stressed and is still fun.
Do I blame fandom for this? Of course not, but people are complacent with it and start changing their vocab to accommodate and end up making the situation so deep it cant be fixed.
We call Art & Fic Content now, completely stripping the value of what it is to a level of consumerism instead of personal entertainment & community bonding.
#y'know its been interesting moving to ofmd as a fandom#because its a really NEW fandom#and my other main fandom is newer too but it still started in 2018#and its tiny. its SO tiny#but i still get far far more engagement than i ever do with ofmd#and that one time i posted a leverage fic blew me away#old fandom and the fans are SO engaged. like so so engaged!!! i got so many comments and reblogs and kudos#ofmd is the least engaged fandom i've ever been in#which is wild because its also the fandom screaming for content#but very few people leave kudos or comments or read things or like art when i post it#its just... kind of wild#feels like a fandom that really only likes big name fans tbh#and really really only likes ed izzy and stede#which sucks lol#ah well#still gonna keep doing my thing#but there's a noticeable difference in what feels like a younger fandom#vs a fandom with a lot of older folks#fandom#sorry for the rant in your tags op
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randomly feel like going scorched earth with vchuuber fanart now. lol ! (disclaimer this is a 4 am post, mostly stemming off me realizing im losing my old passion & interest in the funny vee chuubers)
its mostly just cause i was more interested in their personas' lore than the actual streams/streamer in the first place... so seeing everyone get excited and hype over big events and me not being able to share that hype anymore (mostly due to my oshi retiring & the big group dynamic changing) has been crazy alienating
tldr never interact with a big fanbase worst mistake of my life. the discourse is fucking crazy lmao
#shoutout to u7trakill for finally ending a nearly 2 year toxic parasocial relationship lmao!#tbf my experience over the past 1.75 years has been#80 percent good/neutral and like 20% negative#tldr being a vtuber fan has put me in presence of the craziest mood swings for the longest periods of time#mostly gonna blame it on the fans and less the streamer themselves#bc guess what!! twt is a hellhole!!#n it doesnt help that a big chunk of fans are *those* types of anime fans#ie fucking freaks#and i hated that i had to share a space with them#YES curate your own experience. whatever.#doesnt change the fact that i still had to occasionally bear witness to the WORST kinds of ppl#liking pure straight up fiction is way less messy than liking streamers lol#sorry if that came off really harsh#its just. im fed up lmao#the highs of interacting with the fanbase when we had our highs was amazing#but GOD the lowest lows sucked so so so bad and there was/is infighting#anyway im rambling#doesnt help that ppl keep bringing up a very sour moment the fans had that id honestly wish wed forget about!! but they!! keep bringing it u#and to be fair!!! it was BAD#but i wish theyd stop implying the Event in every 'fan etiquette' post#i hold SO MUCH regret over that event even if i didnt go as far as some other fans did#and honestly! i cant believe it even happened! thats how bad it was#and it very obvs affected him HARD#but i really REALLY wish we would just. treat it as a yeah this happened thing now#bc hes Graduated. under mysterious circumstances#and theres nothing we can do now!#hate to be a past is in the past person but what can you fucking do!!!#delete later#deepest sigh#vent post
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hey, do you know that i love vessel from the band sleep token? you probably don't but now you do. i love him so much sometimes idk what to do with this all in my chest. i hope he's smiling a lot these days.
#you know.. when you adore people so much you wish nothing but for them to be showered with happiness#that kind of thing#love him and the shy yet sarcastic boy behind it all#this is gross post btw#sorry i just miss him and the guys sobs. post concert depression without actually being there sucks so much#let me rephrase that poem hold on#why will the whole of love come to me suddenly when i'm sad and feel you are far away
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petal
붉게 물든 장미, 꽃잎을 입술에 깨물고 𓇢
practicing with felix gets a little more.. intense than last time
pairing: bff!felix × gn!reader
wc: 4.4k
content: sequel to rosy (pls read first)! the same kinda stuff.. shy/inexperienced reader, hickeys!!, dry humping for literally 1 second, borderline smut istg, TENSIONNN, fluff, a little angst? (sorry)
a/n: tysm for the overwhelming love for rosy! i never imagined it would get as much attention as it did 🩷 i rewrote this a lot and i feel like it wont live up to expectations but ahh whatever. kinda gets straight into it so be warned lol
[also read on ao3]
part 1 | part 2 | part 3
—
You don't know how you got reeled into this situation again.
He was joking. You're sure he was joking. So why the fuck are you sitting here, on Felix's lap, sucking on his neck again? Again!?
You were bored. He had suggested practicing again. Because, why not? The marks you gave him before are fading, and he “wanted to test something.” Plus, you need practice, and it's just fun, right? Wrong. You feel like you're dying. Every sound Felix makes is making you feel as if you're burning from the inside out.
You should stop. You should stop now. This feels weird, even if it's just practicing, it's too... What are you even doing? One time would've been enough, right? Why did he suggest this? What is any of this serving to do?
You should stop. But god, it's not easy when he's so reactive. It seems as if any restraint he had last time is slipping now. You try to ignore how your heart flutters every time his shaky breaths stutter or when he squeezes you ever so gently when you suck a little rougher, making new marks over the faded ones. You feel dizzy but you can’t stop.
“Mmh..” Felix gasps as you bite down a little harder than you'd intended. “A-Are you practicing being more rough too? Ahh…” You feel his hands on your waist slowly pull you a little closer to him from your perch on his lower thighs as he tilts his head back, letting out a soft groan.
The sound is doing something unholy to your mind. It makes you crazy. It's like it shoots straight to your gut and makes you feel like you’re buzzing all over with excitement and a need for more. But you force yourself to lean back slightly. “U-Um, is it too much..?”
He shakes his head. “You’re.. you’re, uh—” His voice wavers and he clears his throat. “You’re doing really good.” And then he’s gently guiding you back to where you left off, baring his neck to you again.
“Try here, too…” he mumbles while tapping the underside of his jaw. “Please…”
With your brain so far beyond functional at this point, you do as he asks without second-guessing it. You're starting to think this is actually a pretty good arrangement. The more you do it… the more.. used to it you get. Right? Like exposure therapy or something. Yeah, this is fine.
You lean in to where he pointed to. Oh, the angle is definitely more difficult here. The first few attempts are messy, and it's a little embarrassing how you're suddenly back to being clumsy and unsure of yourself.
But Felix doesn't seem to mind at all; his head falls back again in a rush, fingers digging into your waist again, but you're too focused on the way his pulse is fluttering under your lips to really notice. Little gasps and moans escape him as you start sucking, and he tilts his head back further, giving you better access. You’re so hyper aware of every small movement; the way his skin twitches under your mouth, the way his fingers press into you when you bite down a little too hard… You're beginning to lose your mind.
You're not even thinking anymore, you just want to see how far you can take this. How much more you can make him react. You bite down a little harder and he lets out a strangled moan followed by your name. “God... why... why are you..” He's panting now.
You start to lift your head up but he presses your head back down. “No, don't stop,” he mumbles.
Is this normal for Felix? Doing this kind of thing with people… You never really talk about this stuff with him. The topic of hickeys only came up last time because he noticed some sort of bug bite on your shoulder and, “thought you were finally getting some action” (You wanted to punch him). You didn't even really know how hickeys work, and that's when he so generously showed you. So nonchalantly, like it was nothing.
And here you are again, after he brought it up like it was nothing. Like this is all just casual, normal.
Really, when you think about it, of course it's normal for him. With his pretty face and bright personality how could he not have people all over him, right? You guys are close, but you never talk about like… hookups or anything like that. Well, it's certainly obvious enough that you're a blushing virgin, so it's not as if you have anything to talk about. You never really gave a second thought to his potential… sexual endeavors… But you are now.
How many other people does he let kiss him like this? Does he make these pretty sounds with other people too? Does he let them do more? Fuck. Fuck. You can't stop thinking about it.
Your mouth is still on his jaw, and his hands slip into your hair, pulling you out of your thoughts. “God…” he breathes. You suck a little harsher. “F-Fuuuck…” His fingers tighten in your hair for an instant as he lets out a strained groan.
He sounds so... hot, and god, his fingers in your hair feel amazing. Without realizing it, you start moving a little, trying to get closer to him, wanting more. He immediately grabs your waist again and helps pull you higher up his lap until your hips are pretty much resting on top of his. Oh. This is new. This position feels a little… You can't even think. Maybe if you were in a more sane state of mind you would have some objection to this, but as it is, you just can't care.
Plus, it's way easier to reach Felix's neck from the new angle, so any complaints die in your throat and you sink your teeth even harder into him, pressing down and sucking. He lets out a low groan, suddenly turning into a whine as he squeezes your waist harder, pulling you in flush, so close to him you’re practically pressed chest to chest with him. It makes your head spin. Everything is spinning.
It's so good. Like… this feels way too good to be normal. You feel high off of his reactions alone. You never really understood the appeal of… this before, but now you can't think of anything else. You feel his breath shudder under your mouth and it's like a switch flips. Your brain is gone, replaced by an overwhelming lust for more.
It doesn't help when Felix starts shifting underneath you. He's panting, his hips moving in tiny circles, seemingly unconsciously. His eyes are closed, and you can hear every shallow gasp, every shaky exhale that escapes his lips.
His lips. His lips that are pink and swollen from his own biting. His lips that were on your arm not even a week ago. That you want to touch. Wait… what? What the hell? You can't stop thinking about if the roles were reversed right now. What that would feel like.
You can no longer help the little whine that comes out of your mouth. You swear your body is on fire and you don't even know what you're doing when you grind down instinctively against him, craving friction or some kind of release. His breath catches in his throat and his hands quickly grip your waist, pulling you flush to him, and he suddenly lets out a low moan, hips bucking up into yours, and it feels so fucking good but what—
What.
The fuck.
You’re so shocked by both your and his sudden actions that you pull away, lips leaving his skin with a small pop.
Oh.
The sight in front of you is insane. Felix looks wrecked. His head is thrown back, blush high on his cheeks and his lips parted. After a few seconds his eyes flutter open, locking with yours. There's a dazed look in his eyes and he blinks slowly, as if he's waking up from a trance. For a few moments, neither of you say anything, you simply stare at each other in the quiet room, the only sounds being your labored breaths.
The longer you look at each other, the more his expression becomes panicked, his eyes widening as he seems to realize what just happened. “Shit. I— sorry, I—” His fingers keep gripping into your waist sporadically, seemingly out of instinct, before he abruptly jerks his hands away, as if burned. “I-I’m so sorry, I didn't— I don't know why I— s-sorry.” He’s mumbling a string of apologies, frantically pushing you off of him as he stutters.
Everything is moving in slow motion. You don't know what to do. Felix’s head falls into his hands as soon as you’re off of him, covering his face (You don't dare look lower than that). He sucks in a few deep breaths, as if he’s trying to steady himself. Maybe if your freaking brain would turn on you could say something. He's sorry. The room is spinning again.
His eyes flick up to yours briefly. “Uh… haha.” He laughs nervously. He pushes some of the hair out of his face, his cheeks are pink. “Uhhhh, w-wow okay. I think… I think you got it now. You're um— really a natural huh?”
What? You're too stunned to react. What are you supposed to say to that? You're not even sure what happened anymore. Why did he react that way? Why did you react that way? How hasn't the world imploded on itself yet? How are you still breathing?
He stares at you for a bit longer before suddenly turning his head away and burying it into his hands again. “Ugh, this is so embarrassing, I…” His voice is quiet. “I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”
“N-No, I… I just…” You try to talk but your throat is stuck. You aren’t really sure what exactly you're feeling. Confused? Flustered? Embarrassed? All of the above? Your head is pounding and your brain won’t function, thoughts swirling around and making you dizzy. But mostly, you feel really, really hot. Too hot. You can hardly breathe from how stifling the air is right now.
It suddenly hits you. Oh my god. You and Felix almost just… that was way too intimate. Intense. Insane. And you… why did you kind of like it? Sure, it was practice but it felt good. What the actual hell is wrong with you? Felix was being nice letting you practice on him and you… got way too carried away.
There's a part of you that's still reeling at how you got that kind of reaction from him but you push it down. You need to relax. Holy shit. Breathe.
“A-Are you okay..?” you finally choke out.
He still won’t look at you. “I'm fine,” he mumbles from behind his hands. “Should be asking you that instead.” Silence hangs between the two of you before he sighs. “I wasn't trying to do anything. I— I don't want you to think I…” He lowers his hands and angles his head towards you. There’s a strange, conflicted look on his face. “Are you… upset?”
…Huh? Something in your expression must make him more nervous because he cringes and scrambles to explain himself. “I… Y-You’re just not really saying anything, I mean… uh…” he stutters.
You haven't even realized you've been holding your breath until your lungs start to ache. Oh. You force your stupid brain and mouth to cooperate. “N-No I'm not upset.” And you're not. Just really freaking confused. “Um, I… I don't think you were… trying to.. do anything. It's okay.”
Felix sighs in relief. “Okay. Yeah, it was just a reaction. I don't see you like that. Obviously.”
Oh. Okay. You don't know why those words sting a bit. He doesn't feel anything about this. He's just worried that you might be uncomfortable. Right. You knew that already. Of course. But why does it kinda hurt?
You try to ignore the way your chest pangs uncomfortably. “Yeah… same….” Obviously.
“...Yeah.” He looks at you with a pinched expression for a moment. It’s gone quickly though and he laughs a little. “You look like a mess.”
Your hand darts up to your face, feeling it heat up. You’re sure your cheeks must be flushed red, your hair wild and tousled. Not to mention your lips. They feel so swollen right now. You run your tongue across them self consciously.
“Shut up… You look worse,” you grumble, trying to sound normal and most definitely failing. He lets out another breathless laugh at your reply.
“Yeah, I feel like a mess.” He seems to finally loosen up a bit and he exhales before he straightens up, clearing his throat. “Maybe let's not… do this anymore—? I mean—” he runs a hand through his hair. “Since… that… I think you got it now. Haha.. We can just… forget this happened… if you want?”
Forget this? You're not sure that's possible. You kind of want to throw up at how easily he's brushing this off. Like it's nothing. You have to remind yourself it is nothing to him. You should feel relieved but for some reason it's pissing you off.
You just sigh. “Uh, yeah, okay. Sorry.”
“No, you didn't do anything wrong. I mean, I—” He huffs in frustration and glances up at the ceiling, as if searching for words. “I— just… you’re sure you’re not upset, right? You're okay?”
You nod.
“Okay…” he breathes. “Sorry again if… I made you uncomfortable. I didn't—” He inhales shakily, letting out a short sigh before offering a sheepish smile. “I mean, yeah, we're cool, right? Are we… are we cool?”
Your heart hurts. Yeah, you’re totally cool. Everything's cool. You just want your Felix back. “...Yeah. Of course.”
He exhales, shoulders visibly relaxing. “Awesome. Uh. Good. Okay.” A beat of silence passes through the room. Your heart is still stuttering from how flushed he is, his neck littered with marks that you sucked onto his skin. You did that. And he liked it so much that he…
“W-Well!” he exclaims as he claps his hands together. He looks back at you, and like a switch flipped, he's back to his usual cheerful self again. “I think we both learned a lot from that. For example,” he raises a finger as if to make a point. “You have a talent for it, for sure. You were literally so good.” He laughs and the sudden nonchalance of this all but sends you reeling. “..And I guess my neck is like, way more sensitive than I realized. That's crazy. But like, you’re, you know, you did really well. You’re gonna have people alllll over you in no time.”
You can hardly pay attention as he's rambling, eyes still fixed on the marks on his neck. Your mind starts going crazy, the memory of the way he looked just a few minutes ago—eyes squeezed shut, body trembling, head thrown back and his pretty, pretty voice making those soft sounds, gasping your name—it’s burned into your mind so vividly. How can you ever look at him normally again?
But you have to. You have to. Holy shit, get a grip. Just pretend it's nothing. Easy.
..Apparently not so easy since his eyes flicker back over to you and he seems to notice the way your eyes keep darting between his neck and his face.
“U-Um, I gotta hide these,” he says with a nervous chuckle, quickly lifting a hand to touch his neck self consciously. “Do I even wanna see what I look like right now..?”
Oh, god. “..No.”
He laughs a little. “That bad? Well, now I definitely need to see.”
Felix pulls out his phone and angles the camera towards himself. His eyes immediately go wide. “Holy shit,” he murmurs as he brings his phone up a little closer to his neck, face turning slightly pink as he stares at himself. He winces when he brings his fingers up to touch the quickly darkening marks. “This is.. probably gonna be a pain to cover up.”
Your face is in your hands at this point, mortified. You groan and mumble some sort of incomprehensible apology.
“Hey, don't worry about it,” he says. “Well, I look a bit like I got attacked by a feral vampire. You're brutal. But, hey! Maybe I can request your services again for Halloween.”
Oh my god. “Please shut up,” you mumble.
He chuckles. “C'mon, I'm just kidding. Look at me.” he pokes your hands until you huff, lifting your head up to look at him.
The sight of him sends a burning guilt right to your stomach because your eyes automatically go straight to his neck before shooting back up to his face. He's still flushed a little pink, messy hair, dark marks on his neck… in a word, hot. But you'd never actually admit to that.
His expression softens when he sees your face. “Hey… c'mon, I can tell you're overthinking it,” he sighs and pokes your forehead a couple times. “Don't be embarrassed. It's seriously fine. I'm the one who should feel bad if anything since I… y'know.” He swallows, eyes flickering away. “You're sure you're okay?”
“I'm fine,” you mutter. Stop asking.
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
“Okay. Well, I'm good if you're good.” His face is drawn as if he wants to say something more, but he just sighs, dropping his phone in his lap before grinning at you. “Honestly, they're cool. I look pretty hot like this, don't I?”
He has the biggest smirk on his face, and you’re tempted to smack it off him just a little. You scoff and try not to think about the fact that he just voiced your exact thoughts. “You wish.”
Felix laughs. “Hey, this is your own doing! You don't think it looks hot?”
“No!” You really do hit his arm this time, making him laugh again and hold his arms up in defense. “You look stupid. You better cover them,” you say indignantly, even though your eyes keep flitting back to his neck, unable to look away.
His eyes seem to drift down to your neck for a second too, lingering for a moment, but what could he be looking at? It's not as if your neck is a sight to see. You swear his expression changes for a second before he gives you a teasing smile.
“I should make you pay for all the concealer I'm going through.”
You look at him pointedly. “As if this is my fault? You literally asked me to do this again!”
He scratches his neck. “Ah… Yeah I did, didn't I…?”
You huff. “Yeah..” Why did you do that? You almost want to ask, but no. Just try to go back to normal.
He smiles sheepishly and shrugs. “Yeah, sorry. Well, it was… nevermind. I'm an idiot.”
You nod. That much is true.
It's silent for a moment. “Well, we're doing a pretty bad job of forgetting about it,” he says, smiling nervously. “Nothing happened today. Right?”
You swallow. “Right. Sure.” It takes all your focus to not glance at his neck again as you say that.
“Cool. Alright.” Then he suddenly jumps up. “I know. We should play video games!” he exclaims cheerily.
He stands up beside the bed and ruffles your hair, grinning. “Come on, I'll even let you choose the game this time and still kick your ass!”
You roll your eyes and attempt to fix your messed up hair. “Riiight. Bold claims from Mr. Twelve Year Bronze Streak over here.”
He gasps. “Take that back right now.”
“Oh, you're right. It's actually kinda impressive how you don't have a negative win rate by now,” you can't help the grin that takes over your face.
“Dude. At least I have a win rate. What's yours again? Oh yeah, you only play games like Mario Kart—”
“And I destroy you every time, so..”
“There's no skill in that game! It's literally just luck!” Felix protests, pouting adorably as he crosses his arms.
“Uh, I literally beat you even with items turned off,” you point out, giggling. “You take terrible lines. That's a skill issue.”
“Whatever. Mario Kart isn't even a real game. I mean, like— you know what I mean,” he grumbles.
“You're just mad ‘cause you suck,” you sing-song.
“I do not suck!”
“You totally do. You’re a sore loser about it too. Remember that time—”
“Enough!” he exclaims, trying to look outraged but you can tell he’s holding back a laugh. Suddenly he springs into motion, climbing back onto the bed. “Say I'm better at video games,” he says, poking you all over, your ribs and neck, tickling you.
You start shoving his shoulder in protest but only succeed in falling back against the bed as he sits, grinning down at you. “Ah— S-Stop! Get off!”
“Say it,” he repeats, grinning like he's won and pushing your shoulders back into the bed so you can't escape.
Normally, you'd hold your ground but your brain dies a little bit at the sight of him above you, hair falling into his face, practically pinning you down. He doesn't even seem to realize the position. Probably because this is normal, and you're the only one still feeling lingering weirdness. God.
“Fine! You’re— better,” you say quickly, eyes darting between his eyes and neck, suddenly remembering everything that happened just prior. You weren't able to forget about it for more than a minute. Great. “At fighting games, at least,” you amend petulantly.
He smiles victoriously. “I'll take it.” He lets up a bit, shifting his weight off you, but he’s still sitting right over you, keeping you pinned between his legs. “Was that so hard?”
“Yes,” you huff, face warming for some godforsaken reason.
“Really?” He pokes your cheek a couple times and grins widely, watching as you immediately push his hand away. “I won. You said it. You surrendered and acknowledged my supremacy as a gamer. No take backs. I'm the best,” he declares, poking your cheek again.
“Yeah, yeah,” you say as you shove him again, face still burning. “Let me up.”
He laughs, but for some reason, he still shows no intention of moving. Rather, he seems to be having a lot of fun keeping you trapped here.
You’ve found yourself in this situation countless times before so you don’t know why you’re suddenly finding it difficult to remember how to breathe. His eyes dart all over your face before resting somewhere just below your face. They stay locked there.
You swear time stands still for a second as he stares. It’s almost weird how intently he’s staring. What the hell is he looking at? Your neck? Why?
There's a strange expression on his face that you've never seen before. The normal playfulness is gone. He stares at your neck intently, as if he's studying every inch of it.
You feel your breath hitch in your throat and you swallow. “What are you looking at..?”
“Nothing…” he murmurs, eyes still locked somewhere on your neck. You swear you feel his fingers flex where they're sitting on your shoulders.
The silence stretches awkwardly and he still doesn’t move. Something about the way he's looking at you now… it has your heart beating harder, chest thumping at an irregular pace and your stomach doing backflips. Is this payback for you staring at his neck so much? But there's literally nothing to see on yours. And he's staring so seriously.
“Um— Felix,” you mumble.
That seems to snap him out of his trance. He blinks before quickly glancing up at you, eyes wide, then suddenly pulling back like he wasn't expecting to find you staring right at him. “Oh, uh…”
He pushes himself up until he's fully off of you and extends a hand to you. You blink at it for a second before realizing he wants you to take it. You let him pull you up into a sitting position, trying to keep your heart rate under control.
“Sorry… I—” He laughs. “I zoned out for a bit there I think.”
He scratches the back of his neck, looking a little sheepish. You just nod in response, heart still fluttering in your chest. That was… strange. But okay. You're not gonna think too hard about it.
“Anyway…” he finally says, breaking the silence. “Uh, let's go play!” You blink in confusion for a moment before he stands up and reaches over to pull you off the bed. He takes your hand in his and tugs you toward the gaming setup.
You sit next to him and he hands you a controller, his legs crossed underneath him. “Alright. Since you recognized me as the king of gaming—rightfully, may I add…” He grins at you. “I'm gonna kick your ass in Mario Kart.”
You give him an exasperated look. “You say that every time but I keep beating you.”
“Silence! The king hath spoken. And so it shall be.”
You roll your eyes and settle in next to him as he starts up the game, trying to ignore the way his knee brushes against yours. He’s so close. But it's normal. It's fine.
“Try not to cry when I obliterate you, Your Majesty.”
He sticks his tongue out playfully, seemingly back to his usual self. "Just you wait. You're going down. Say goodbye to your winning streak.”
Really, it’s not your fault you can't focus on the screen. It's not your fault that your face is warm, your head feels fuzzy, and you're all too aware of how close he is. It's not your fault you keep finding yourself stealing glances at him: his arms, his throat, his tongue that's sticking out in a pout as he concentrates. Oh, and he smells nice too. It’s really freaking distracting. And so not fair at all.
You would have floored him otherwise. You're sure of it. But when Felix raises his arms celebrating a victory that should've been yours if you could concentrate on a single thing besides him for two seconds, you can only mourn your winning streak for so long before you have to face it:
You're so screwed.
—
a/n: i just wanna play mk with felix. is that too much to ask
these idiots. if they just kiss everything will be fine bro. sorry if this wasn't what you were expecting/hoping for ahh i struggled a lot with this and decided the plot flows best split into 3 parts. so i do have plans for a final part which will resolve everything if yall are still interested in this story haha
feedback good or bad is always appreciated! thank you sm for reading!!
part 3
#i rly meant this to be out within 2 weeks after rosy and then. a month later. hi#i changed the plot of this like 17 times sorray#idek whats wrong w me#i still dont like it!#but idc anymore!!#like#ugh#what eva#pls enjoy#skz fic#felix smut#skz fanfiction#felix fic#felix fluff#felix#felix fanfic#lee felix fluff#skz felix#felix x reader#stray kids x reader#felix imagines#stray kids imagines#stray kids hard thoughts#skz imagines#skz fanfic#lee felix#lee felix smut#lee felix fic#lee felix x reader
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