#i really tried to be fine today but im not | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

elis-blawg222 · 1 day ago

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November 8 - Friday

Whew! Caught up at last!! (took me long enough)

Today was actually pretty good. I called Angel before school which made me really happy!! (I love him sm ill sob rn actually). My class wasn't toooo bad. The teacher talked sooo much ugh, but I drew the whole time so it was fine. I made my oc thinnn n pretty, love him. Also we had to go around the room and talk to people for like 30 minutes. 30. (did yk you have 30 minutes??)

It was so nerve wracking, especially because I was unprepared lol. I bet I looked like such a total weirdo with the lack of eye contact I was making, but at the time I was just trying not to break a nervous sweat LMAO.

Then, after my class I went to the library (on call w/Ange) and did an assignment. I went home afterwards because my phone was gonna die, and I needed my charger.

After a bit at home, I went to my next class, and I had a test in this one. It went good I think! We studied beforehand which I'm really grateful for.

We had a break in this class, so I went to walk around for a minute, and during this my mom texted me with:

"Eli

What did u eat today"

...

nothing. So, I said "I had some chicken nuggetss after my class hehe"

to which she responded "No fries no pop. How many nuggets"

GURL. So i was like "I did get some fries lol? and i got 10 why?"

and she just CONVENIENTLY NEVER RESPONDED. UGH.

(but wait theres more.)

After my class ended I went home and got ready for work. I was otp w/Angel (because seriously when am I not?) and he was playing minecraft. It was so peaceful and entertaining to watch and listen to him play- I loved every bit of it. Then, we talked about how we should play together (I ltrly will do anything to idc).

Work was actually ehh, not toooo bad. My dad and friend and her mom stopped by which was nice, and also my hairdresser LOL. They both tipped really well (obviously my dad did but yk).

I went home after what felt like one billion years, I was so so so happy. When I got home I just said a few things about my day like I usually do, and made sure to slip in the fact that I got a free meal at work. Which isn't wrong, I did, but I didn't get anything. I actually am just gonna let my friend get something tomorrow. but they don't have to know all that shhhhhhhh.

Then my mom stopped in front of me and was like what did you eat? and so i repeated myself bc no one listens to me <3

(I told her fried chicken tenders, fries, mac and cheese for context, a very 'me' meal tbh or at least it was)

Then, she was like "how many chicken tenders?" "no drink?" "did you finish it? all of it?" "so then you ate 2 full meals today?"

oh. my god. like. genuinely.

why. is. she. interrogating. me. pls. fucking. leave. me. alone. IM GENUINELY MORTIFIED AND HONESTLY IM SO AGGRIVATED. LET ME STARVE IN PEACE HOLY FUCK.

I tried to act like a normal person and be like ??? why are you interrogating me? BC WHY ARE YOU (as if I'm not literally starving myself)

She was just like "because I need to make sure you're getting nutrients." ok girl.

Then, I went to my room and she went to bed. I cleaned my room a bit and did a homework assignment, so I'm pretty proud of myself.

Also if you couldn't tell by now I fasted today. I was gonna either 48 hr fast or do 2 24 hr fasts back to back, but I think I'm just gonna do around 36 hrs. I wanna eat in front of my mom tomorrow so maybe she'll start leaving me alone (I seriously doubt it).

It just gets really frustrating when every meal I have she thinks isn't enough, even when I'm genuinely full. I can't eat like I used to like I physically cannot, she has to get that.

Anywho, I was thinking of making some cucumber boats tomorrow, I think it'll be fun.

Total Steps: 6.7k

Look at me meeting my step goal for once. I'm gonna start really making an effort at meeting it!

'Til tomorrow :)

(P.S. actually getting activity on these makes me so nervous but haiii)

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pnfc · 3 months ago

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i haint watched the dang chibisode and idk if ill actually watch it with sound on sdfjk but i have a hurt feeling about them casually imbuing perry with speech for a one off gag because the idea that he needs to talk to communicate is fake. we had 4 seasons of wacky magic hijinks cartoon where perry never needed verbal speech to communicate. they couldve done this gag at any point in the show but they didn't, and the fact that they didn't felt significant. perry's muteness is such a core part of his character, to me, to the way i conceive of him/write him. i don't wanna overreact to a goofy little side cartoon (even tho i'm doing it anyway) but it's still the characters, and it still upsets me! ok that's it i've said my piece

#ill watch it at some point but despite my silence i have been like obsessively anxious about this cartoon #and pestered my friend to watch it for me sDFJKL #in a month this will have either ruined pnf for me forever or i'll have changed my mind and i like it actually its fine #for now anyway i have tons of comic sketches about perry's muteness that i no longer wanna finish and share...maybe someday but not now #i had a rly great day actually but now im falling asleep in bed tipsy and a little teary over this. cuz i love perry a lot he's #really special to me. i also got that star wars perry shirt in the mail today btw. and. it's such a good pj shirt #but back on topic #it sucks when an aspect of a character that is CORE to your appreciation of them becomes casually disregarded by the writers at some point #like im certainly not ever accepting an interpretation of perry like 'secretly hed really like to be able to talk' because its #never ever been communicated. like the idea that heinz wd prefer if perry was human. its just not in the show. the opposite is true in fact #so im left feeling stupid for caring about something that some writers(inc. dan) felt was unimportant. makes me not wanna continue my art #which sux cuz i like my comic ideas! id love to finish them. i hope i get over this.#i overreact to live-updating media when im fixated on it wh is why i prefer getting into dead fandoms haha #but they keep on bringing them back to life dont they...im never safe #it was funny me trying to explain to my friend why i efel so strongly about this meanwhile hes tried to explain why he feels so strongly ab #ut AYA and my stance on that episode has always just been “cute! its fine” lmao #@ dwampy you guys made the show that follows a specific rhythm and set of rules designed to appeal to obsessive autistic brained people ok #you invited my overreaction. unsheathes katana etc #ok im goint to sleep #meta

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cylove · 22 days ago

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guess who’s been editing kengan omega panels like a crazy person. im so picky with how gaolang is drawn its not even funny, and this is where it got me. my fav gaolang era is KAT round 2, and i mostly referenced that to make these edits (and some of KVP round 1) my big issue is that his face doesnt even look like his anymore???? he used to have a very straight long nose and i feel like in recent chapters its so short (among other things). I ALREADY KNOW daro is on a schedule but im not lol so i can take my time with him if you read more i did most of the gaolangs in chapter 260. my version is the one on the right

#my edit #kengan ashura #kengan omega #gaolang wongsawat #kaolan wongsawat #first and foremost these edits are for ME. it is for MY pleasure #i noticed that sometimes his eyes completely white out during his fights and i actually really like that so a couple panels feature that #whenever his face goes into a 3/4th angle i hate it literally what happened he used to look fine but now its so slanted #and his mouth is too long and okay thats enough hatred for today #actually one more while im a fan of muscles i felt like it was getting absurd i tried to make him less roided out

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shittywriterbrain · 5 months ago

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i call it the struggle of being a gay/bisexual trans man

#who struggles with dysphoria and wanting to “pass”#its societies expectations of gender expression & that by these standards being a gay trans man should be inherently contradictory #of COURSE not all mlm are feminine. of course not!!#but thats the general stereotype and of course my stupid brain tries to validate my gender #by acting like a stereotype of my identity (minus the trans bc ofc i wann a pass as cis 🙄)#the 🙄 is directed at me.#anyway all this to say i had a GREAT (really awful) time buying a suit today #im in love with it now but boy howdy it was a journey #its way more feminine than what id usually wear and also not what i had in mind #and the employee helping us definitely did not pick up on the fact that i was a guy. which like bless her she was really sweet #but it did Not help #i wish i could wear these fem things and look like a pretty man but tbf i just look like a tomboy #but ill be fine #trans #transmasc #trans man

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deus-ex-mona · 2 months ago

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i miss her…

#cant believe i forgot about her till the photobook q&a im so sorry witch mona~~~~~~~#press f for honeypre atelier gachas it was gone too soon™️#(currently e x t r e m e l y worried and stressed for tomorrow like never before b u t i have to appear like im fine sobs save me monachann)#(can i go on a stress-prompted tangent here about something inane? no? toooo bad im gonna go off anyway~~~~)#ok so. like. since witch mona is the image i have up ‘ere and since it’s still 七月… today’s tangent will be on irl spooky stories!!#s o. presenting a decently repressed memory from my childhood that resurfaced while i was hibernating at home:#anyways. well. thoughts about the afterlife can vary from person to person yes? there’s no one true correct belief after all #but the one question that unites us all is probably the one and only ‘are ghosts real?’#and well. for personal reasons i think so. i mean i’ve seen this one dude i hate get possessed a couple of times so welp. cant deny it ig.#wild story about that actually. back in the day my family’s finances were allegedly doing so badly that [dude i hate] had to pick up #a *c e r t a i n* side hustle for extra cash. that side hustle? literal grave digging at the cemetary. at night no less #and *ofc* he wasn’t respectful about it in the least so ofc some spirits followed him home. yay. free roommates.#one(?) of them even took residence in my room at the time and im 80% sure they ate my history textbook :( much sads #anyways well once that guy had too much to drink (which was rather often tbh) he’d get possessed. fun!#the only possession i ever saw was the n-rarity angry ghost who’d just huff and puff in silence with unfocused eyes most of the time #he’d occasionally put on a leather jacket too. but that was like a r-rarity event that didn’t happen that often #my mother had the chance to also witness the mosquito (who tried to barge into my room for fresh blood) and the 姑娘 (self-explanatory)#which is kinda unfair tbh. i wanted to see the ur-rarity ones too :( mostly bc it’d be funny to see a guy i hate act ooc (impure intentions)#oh right. how did we get the dude out of his possession? we just shook his arm really hard. prolly caused some lasting effects but who know #i think he could also just sleep off the possession but idk i was asleep for the ur-rarity incidents.#cant ask the one witness of it bc i dont want to bring back unnecessary flashbacks of [guy we hate]#anyways it’s been years since we moved out from that place and i still want my history textbook back. mostly for the principle of it but—#and so that’s the tangent of the day. i feel weirdly less stressed now thanks witch mona #i do wonder how my grandparents are faring on this 七月 though…#b u t !!!!! tomorrow’s date on the lunar calendar says it’s an auspicious day for wishful activity and starting a new job!!! so… maybe~~~~?#hauauauauauauauuauaaaaaa anyways insane tangent over stream mona’s new album ok bye #oops forgor to disable rbs i hate how easy it is to forget to use this function man

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almightycrisprat · 7 months ago

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i hate benchball i hate benchball i hate benchball i hate benchball *wheeze* WITHOUT YOU THERES NOTHING FOR ME TO DO CAN YOU FEEL THE SUNSHINE TOO ITS COMING THROUGH IT MAKES MEE FEEL BRAND NEW

#i hate benchball #and pe in general #especially today bc we were against people who can actually play #so i felt really useless #my friend was on my team but i didnt really get to talk to them that much #i kinda felt like the reason we didnt win was because i was being really incompetent #then we went to the changing rooms and i was on the verge of tears because i was ddying from the inherent stress of existing in pe #i closed my eyes and began humming can you feel the sunshine from sonic r while badly attempting to calm myself down #my friends noticed and were like hey crisp you good??? and i was like YEAH MHM IM AS FINE AS APOLLO #and then i went back to dying #and then i realised i felt really lightheaded (more than usual) and i tried taking massive breaths #then it was all fine #i got to cry in the rain :]

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florida3exclamationpoints · 7 days ago

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#my mom said no more eras for me 👍😀👍#she said my car needs work before it drives that far #and its too expensive #which is is like. FINE. whats worse js #i should've just taken my damn self yesterday or today #if my car broke down at least i wouldve tried #but i dont think it would . but whatever #the onky reasons i didn't was i let my mom take her sweet time thinking abkut Toronto abd getting my hopes jp #and. the anxiety. i let my stupid anxiety stkp me from living my life again #im a GROWN ASS WOMAN WITH MONEY AND A CAR. I DONT NEED MY MOM'S PERMISSION TO GO ON A ROAD TRIP #i just gkt ANXIOUS.#and i would still go tomorrow but the prices are now more than what i have to my name!!!!!!!#i COULD have just gone yesterday or today. and i didn't. bc i have stupid nervous bitch disorder #and it holds me back so much all tbe time and its PISSING ME OFF #why cant i just have a normal person life #im really not seeing eras again #and its really ending #which i think is hitting me now for the first time #and i love Taylor swift so much. and ill probably never be abke to see her tour again bc the whole world decided to like her too #im literally crying harder than i have in a long long long time . it wont stop ahah lol #i cant breathe bahahahahahha #i turned on tsom and its not helping ahahahahhaha #i hate myself i hate my life

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therosevest · 10 months ago

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ok im a really chill and normal person and i get over things and am well adjusted but take a walk with me here. just give me my time to complain when im not in the absolute fucking trenches. and yes i believe i suffered more than those in trench warfare. it was literally a lesbian situationship with a bistraight girl come on. just. magenta choppy shag with the roots coming in. camo cargo pants black t shirt with red lettering and striped long sleeve (sign someone likes music. confirmed). lip ring big black stud earrings and nails. red docs. i think lesbians should be allowed to kill one dyke baiter in their lifetime idc

#and now we're gonna get into some quiet parts and youre just gonna let me have this #i. am so sick. first of all it was kinda funny how people ik ended up sorta surrounding her. felt good. but like we've shared a space #together since everything. i can like be in her presence it's seriously fine. that said. i do sometimes miss her #i say this after going through the really hating her guts period bc of her evil evil evil ways. and feeling like she's lame as hell bc she #s. but i mean it's me talking i have my problems too. i Hate the way we always so naturally act in sync. and i hate that we've both picked #each others' brains for hours so it's like. i knew you once and now we can't even look each other in the eye and that just really sucks #and i feel like. not that i strictly believe in these things. but we were sort of twin flames. i largely suffered for like. basically #falling in love w her. and i know i didn't leave as much of a mark. but i still hope it sucked a little for her #and i'll admit i think it'd be some sort of miracle if we could ever talk civilly. unfortunately we work in two ways #literally behaving in Ways and borderline fucking or not speaking. so. here we are #and i already humiliatingly tried to extend an olive branch this summer so im not gonna be fucking stupid. yk #but GOD how annoying. i did talk to situationship today and we were relatively normal so at least that's not deathly awkward #it's still. definitely um. stiff. but not terrible #i need to get to the club. pretend theres a cig emoji im on desktop rn #sorry for this.#film girl saga

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skunkes · 1 year ago

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i think about that person who said they like the way i draw knees every time i draw knees

#talkys #im gonna keep talking here so i dont make another text post hi #i bought some alcohol based markers and immediately regretted it but im still excited #i was in need of retail therapy i guess. havent had packages arriving in a while #tmi coming up -> finally also bought pink and cow print jock i'd been eyeing for months #if it gets here on time i might wear it with the cowboy ken outfit to the barbie movey #(if the cowboy ken outfit even happens)#i need to earn sum money and am opening comms today but ive been doing really bad #i keep sleeping fine but waking up with headache and tired no matter what #last night i tried so many times to draw talon for a redraw and it wouldnt work #and my wrist started hurting after like 10 mins #i thought taking a break from art was supposed to help. i just feel like ass. i feel horrible in every direction.#waugh #feel bad about art feel bad about gender feel bad physically feel bad about my life and future. feel bad about. lonely. i just feel bad.

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shazleen · 1 year ago

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Boston

#my photography #dark #dream diary: i had a dream today about my dad; about flats; and one of my wee past students #the student had come up and said he was really worried and I was like no!! your going to be fine #because being kind with lots of ideas and a unique work method gets you further than some inherent talent or whatever #and like some people tried to host a panel talk in my house and I had to throw them out and threaten the lil weasle that was apparently #to shy to ask my permission? lit in the dream i was talkin to some friemds ome minute sat down for a wee nap and found myself in rhe middle #of a conference. i was well pissed #anyway last part of my dream was i was visiting my dad and we were figuring out where to go ect #when we just started talking and i was explaining why im not froends w one of my childhood friends and i said it was bc of homophobia #and he was like extremely supportive. and the dream ended with him giving me a big hug and i woke up to cold reality where my dad #is not lovely not present and also homophobic #u_u #architectural

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the-kneesbees · 1 year ago

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btw I joined jazz band like 4 weeks late today even though I was terrified and I didn't die so I think I deserve a little sticker for all my bravery

#i thought id be having a Rough time cause everyones been practicing wayy longer than me #but it was really easy actually im gonna be ok #obv ill have to do some individual practice but im mostly fine #i actually picked this up faster than i do with our regular music #im really proud of myself today :]#i tried smth new and scary and i didnt suck at it??? that deserves a pat on the back i think #post posting

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cherry-shipping · 11 months ago

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aaaooughhh. cook for me fictional other. fictional other. cook for me

#cherry chats #or just. get me food. pleeeeeeeease im asking so niceys #i didnt. get any food today Cause they freaking forgot me #which. shoulnt be a problem because im almost 19 i should be able to make food for myself #but. as it turns out. i canttttt #and anyway i like to imagine papyrus cooking for me because he loves cooking and i think making food is how he shows he cares 4 ppl…..#or one way at least #blegh. anyway im not gonna go full vent mode on here because who give a shit but. it also makes me feel so STUPID 4 not being able to do #like. basic stuff like feeding myself #so. i think papyrus would like making me stuff to eat and also encouraging me about it #also. hed be good at forcing me to eat in a way that doesnt make me feel bad #ive talked about this before but i feel guilty when i tell people i havent eaten in awhile so i lie and stuff…..#like ‘oh i ate not too long ago so im fine’ and then #‘not long ago’ means like. 3 days.#and it makes me feel guilty and makes other people worry and then THEY feel guilty cause they cant really do anything #but papyrus is cool and awesome and smart so he doesnt make me admit it out loud and he makes me eat stuff even when i dont wanna #but. in a way that doesnt make me feel bad either. hes a master of psychological manipulation But like good #like. i tried a new recipe and you HAVE to taste it and tell me what u think or ill look sooo sad and dejected ^__^#blarfgh. anyway -_-#i wish my cool awesome bffsie papyrus was here to make me awesome food

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autism-corner · 1 year ago

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my friend is having her bday party on halloween weekend and im going as frankensteins monster (or at least attempting to) but i really hope i dont let myself talk about the eroticisms behind reanimation and other stimulations of human life.

#augh.....#i love my friends but they are not the kinda people that should be hearing that from me <3 i think #i would love to talk about it but not to people irl ig.#augh but reanimation......#i might not be able to restrain myself.#im so scared tho what if my costume isnt like anyone elses Y-Y or other general anxieties T-T #augh ill have to........#maybe ill get a lil drinky for beforehand.... but bday girl is sober4life so :/ a lil ill tasted? idk.#ill be fine i need to not worry >:P #sillyposting #augh anyway i tried my getup today and it works better than expected ig....#thought id look hotter with my hair slicked back but :P #yayyyay oof haircut tomorrow i hope she wont do it too short....#talking about hair i really should redye it soon my roots are pretty bad.....

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wizardnuke · 1 year ago

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yeah im gonna halve a zoloft to start that up again because it's gonna make me kinda nauseous but that's okay! ill still sleep well (after taking my adhd meds at 1pm)and wake up feeling well enough to work (<- absolutely did not do that. called out)

#i HAVE to call the scheduling manager lady today and tell her i need to go the fuck on leave in a month #NAWT doing finals while working holiday retail.#zoloft really does make me HORRIFICALLY nauseous for a good few days. borderline impossible to take #im fine after a few days and it is truly the best antidepressant/anxiety med ive ever tried but My God

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pallases · 1 year ago

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i love not studying

#personal #the english chronicles #listen. i tried 😭#my attention span today is just shot #genuinely annoyed w myself for not getting caught up on readings not even bc of the exam but bc i really like what i have read and i know #once we start the new book after the exam this poetry collection is going to get buried and i won’t come back to it until like. winter #break or smth #im not really worried abt doing well on the exam like i have the gist of things and he said he’s not going to expect us to have certain #poems or whatever memorized i think that will probably go fine. and if it doesn’t then at least i know what to expect on the next few exams #but not getting through the collection for my own sake. boo

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deus-ex-mona · 9 months ago

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s. s ave me, meoto…

#n o t me clinging to meoto to retain my sanity bc g o o d l o r d today was the worst #today was truly a very bad; very horrible day indeeeeeeed #man. today truly was a comedic tragedy in every way possible. i’d laugh if i were anyone else tbh #first i couldn’t start my workstation bc we were out of this cleaning acid thing.#t h e n this other branch lab sent over a precise amount of [reagent] that we needed to make the cleaning acid thing #*and* what’s worse was that they also demanded like. 1/5 of the acid we mixed. like bro. make it yourself mans.#but the worst part was when i tried to use a dropper to poke this sediment out of [tube i was supposed to be cleaning]#bUT THEN HALF OF THE DROPPER MELTED BC THAT BUGGER CAN’T HANDLE HIGH TEMPERATURES AAAAAAAAAAAAAA #stupid new droppers man. the old droppers could handle 100 degrees just fine. s o now the tube is clogged with melted plastic and it’s just.#life’s *really* great sometimes yk~~~~? (ʘ‿ʘ)#and so the night shift dude who came to take over the workstation against expectations seemed kinda pissed that i hadn’t started anything #and im just there. with my intestines wriggling about like internal abdominal worms. tryin not to cry in the face of my mistake.#while he’s fumin’ away like a freakin’ chimney or sth. like. man. no one asked you to take this workstation. you came here on your own. :(#anyway i ditched him and left for my break to calm myself down only to be approached by some random terribly lost middle aged to old lady #who was looking for directions to *somewhere* but she only spoke chinese aaaaaaaa #and i can’t read maps/i don’t even live in the area of my workplace so i have no idea if the lady managed to make it safely #but. lol. the lady showed me her message screen when she asked me for directions to her destination #and by pure coincidence the person she was texting is apparently related to someone with the same first name as me #the cons and cons of having common names man. i hope the lady managed to find her friend with the same name as me though lol #anyways. pls hw im begging. pls drop the crossfade for lxl birthday tmr i n e e d more meoto to carry on—#s o b s this is what im living for now ig. meoto………..

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