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amysteriousmessenger · 3 years

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‘Love Bites’ Vampire!Saeran Choi Drabbles

Hello! This is one of my slightly belated pieces for @mysme-rbb, which I worked on with the very, very talented and sweet @amagicalduckling <3 Their art is so beautiful and I’m honoured to have been paired with them for some Saeran pieces! Please check out @amagicalduckling for more of their beautiful artwork, they are criminally underrated!! Tw: mentions of blood, biting, vampirism, rough kissing Will be under the cut after Ray!

Vampire! Ray Drabble

Ray was melancholic by nature, you knew that, but you’d never had been able to guess why it if hadn’t been for that fateful night in the garden. He always did such a good job of hiding his fangs from you and brushing his hair over his ears so you couldn’t see their slightly pointed tips. He always kept his distance as best as he could, never coming too close into your personal space. You’d assumed it was out of respect and the nervousness of overstepping the boundaries, this idea was always aided by the fact that he usually looked a little bit strained whenever he was in your company.

The way you came to find out about Ray was because you had foolishly pricked your finger on a rose that he had been trying to show you outside. With the beautiful arrangements only being illuminated by moonlight, it had been difficult to see what you were doing, and you’d placed your finger directly onto the little spike and yelped in pain. As soon as you had pulled your hand back, to indicate what had caused you to cry out, Ray had immediately brought his own hand up to his mouth and feverishly covered it. You were confused and thought that perhaps Ray was sensitive to the sight of blood, but it was when he turned to run from you that you saw the white, iridescent fangs peering from behind his lips. You saw them, and he knew that you had. Ray ran at top speed away from you, leaving you with the drop of the blood slowly dripping down the side of your finger.

You felt a little lightheaded from the sight and had to stumble your way over to the bench, a… vampire? Surely, such things like that didn’t exist. They weren’t real. They were myths. Folklore. Children’s horror stories to tell before bed. And yet, as you considered Ray, really thought about him, you realised how quickly it all added up. He was so pale, sickly looking even at the best of times. You’d thought that the prominent blue veins on his neck and wrists was a result of his pasty complexion, but that was clearly not the truth of the matter. It also occurred to you that you never really saw him during the day, but he had always excused this fact as he must work arduously long hours and the only time he could find to get away and visit you was into the early hours of the night. While you supposed that there was at least some truth in that statement, it didn’t help the fact that it aligned with what you thought could be coming into fruition. Was he really a vampire? Had he been trying to hide it from you for all this time?

And those fangs. Those could not be denied. They were the teeth of a predator, a hidden threat that he had tried so hard to keep a secret from you. So many questions raced through your head, and yet all you could worry about was where Ray was. He had left so quickly, clearly a bit distressed. You felt somewhat guilty for your own carelessness, but how were you to know? There was no way you would have guessed what was really happening here at Mint Eye. You had only been here to test a game, for crying out loud.

Suddenly, you felt anxious to be alone in the gardens at night, especially without Ray. Even if he was hiding something this serious from you, he was still the only person that you had gotten to make yourself friendly with. Well, in his case, more than a little bit friendly, but that was besides the point in that moment. You stood, trying to find your way through the maze of flowers and get back to your room but with little success. As you turned the corner, you spotted a figure at the other end of the path and it caused you to cry out in surprise, maybe slightly even in fear. It was Ray.

You’d never thought that the sight of Ray would ever frighten you, but as he stood there, pale and gaunt surrounded by the red flushes of rose petals, you had to wonder how you hadn’t realised it sooner. He looked guilty, and scared. So, so scared. You put your hands up to him slowly, asking if he was okay, but instead of receiving any sort of reply about his own wellbeing, Ray flurried out several apologies at you. He averted his gaze downwards, as though he felt as though he was no longer allowed to look at you directly for what he was. You stared at him as he spoke, focused on the slight protrusion of his sharp teeth over his lips. It was obvious that he had practiced speaking without making them visible, so you could only really see them if you were already looking for them.

‘Ray… It’s okay.’ You whispered, coming a little bit closer to him. He took a step back, moving his back up against the roses further so that he was surrounded by them. If it had been at any other moment, you would have taken the time to think about the fact he looked like a delicate portrait right then, the passion of the red surrounding his pale frame. But alas, you did not have that luxury.

‘It’s not! I scared you, oh how could I ever forgive myself! How could you ever forgive me for this! I should have been able to show more restraint… My savior was right, she’s always right…’ He replied almost frantically, to the point where you weren’t quite sure if he was talking to you or telling you his own inner monologue.

‘M-My Savior said that I’m not strong enough yet, which is why I find… you difficult to be around. I want to be around you always but- she says you’re too tempting for someone like me.’

‘Too tempting…?’ You asked, a slightly unsure as to what he meant. That was, until he gestured to your bleeding fingertip, and it suddenly made more sense to you. ‘I don’t mind if you… want to be around me. I want to be around you too.’ You added, attempting to phrase it in the same way that he did, since he was clearly skirting around using certain vocabulary. It made you realised that there was a good chance that Ray was unhappy about the fact he wanted you in such a way. If he allowed himself to get too close, he would inevitably bring you pain.

As you stepped closer to him, you watched as he reached his own leathered hand towards his mouth, anxiously biting onto the tips of the fabric. He wasn’t just chewing it, he was really biting it, to the point you were worried he might hurt himself.

You were suddenly moving quickly down the path towards him, ‘Ray! Please, stop that. It’s okay! I’m not scared of you.’

‘I’m scared that I might hurt you!’ He almost wailed. You knew that there was an obsessive nature to Ray, which walked hand in hand with his melancholy, but you knew that he wouldn’t hurt you like this. For the most part, he was tender-hearted and sensitive. Of course, he had room in that heart for hate, but yet, so much more room for sensitivity.

‘You’re not going to hurt me. I trust you.’

‘Please, be more careful with who you award your trust to. I don’t deserve it.’ He replied, but pulled his own glove away stiffly, since he didn’t want to worry you any further. At such a distance, he had nothing to distract himself from the pull he felt towards your blood.

‘If you want it, take it. I don’t want to see you be so strained over this. I don’t know what’s happening here at Magenta, but I know that you’re good. And kind.’ You were at his side, offering your hand to him. Initially, he tried to move his body away from your hand and cover his teeth again with his hand, but it was evident that he was growing more and more needy by the passing second. You tried to assure him that it was okay and reached out a slightly shaky hand to his cold cheek. ‘And I want to help you.’

After a few moments of tentative consideration, he took your offer. Ray watched your eyes as he held your finger in both of his hands, as though it was something fragile, delicate even. He hesitated before bringing it to his own lips, the thin line of dark red suddenly giving a burst of colour to his otherwise exceedingly white pallor. He gently took the blood that was already at the surface of your skin, closing his eyes as he did so, but you couldn’t decide whether it was out of shame or whether it was to savour the moment between the two of you. You gasped as you felt the sharpness of his teeth graze against your skin before he let the tip of them bite into your soft flesh, producing more of the red he was so desperately craving. It wasn’t as painful as you thought it would be, but your heart was still racing, nonetheless. When he was done, he pressed a single, sorry kiss into the palm of your hand and apologised for hurting you, adding that he was undeserving of your pain as he wiped the rest of the blood away with a handkerchief out of his pocket.

‘I’d rather be hurt a thousand times over than for you to have to suffer even once…’ He whispered into the darkness of the garden. Not that he would feel bold enough to tell you, but Ray undeniably saw the poetry in tasting your blood. He’s ashamed of what he is, but he relished in the fact that you were willing to share such a vital piece of yourself with him like this. He entirely made a mental plan to carry the handkerchief with him at all times, as a token and reminder of this newfound connection with you.

Vampire! Suit Saeran Drabble

Meeting Saeran was an experience unto itself, let alone processing the surprise you received in how differently he treated you and himself. Saeran doesn’t hide what he is in the same way that Ray did, he acts proud of it. A shining example of what Mint Eye could offer to people with the Elixir, but only if they were strong enough to deserve it. He’s the strongest Believer and the strongest Vampire produced from the Elixir, The Savior said it herself. She called him her ‘One True Offspring’. When you had asked what that meant, since Ray had never mentioned anything like that to you, Saeran had angrily snapped that firstly, he shouldn’t have to answer your questions and secondly, it meant that he had been turned using The Savior’s own blood in the Elixir given to him. That meant that he was special, and better than anyone else there. He repeated that a lot, but you were never quite who if he was saying that to you or to himself but he clearly made an attempt to believe it, at least for his own sake.

Saeran carried himself around Magenta so differently to Ray, you heard his footsteps from down the corridor when he wanted you to know to anticipate him and yet you never heard him when he suddenly appeared behind you. He was most definitely choosing when to make his presence known and when he wanted to startle you from standing silently around a corner. Saeran certainly disproved to you the lore that Vampires needed to be invited into rooms in order to gain entrance, as he came in whenever he pleased. He never hid his fangs either or tried to cover his ears either with his unkempt hair, if anything, he seemed to enjoy the attention that could be brought to them by smirking at you or asking if ‘you like what you see, Princess?’ You could feel the anger in his voice, he was practically dripping with a rage that he did not know how to release properly. It weighed on his shoulders, and somehow seemed to push him in on himself to the point where he was constantly forcing himself to stand taller, to be louder so that he would not be entirely consumed by it. The atmosphere he carried was tense, to say the least. It seemed to make him paler. Saeran’s dark undereyes were no longer something a simple goodnight sleep could fix; they were almost bruises of their own. Purple, sunken.

While he was not lacking for blood in the same way that Ray had suffered without, it appeared that Saeran was overworking himself to the point that the added sustenance did little to actually aid him, so he kept on coming back for more and more each time. He appeared at any hour of the day or night, which suggested that he was no longer really sleeping, or if he was he was only sleeping for very short amounts of time, and it was really showing him his face. You were sure his appearance must have sat somewhere between Dorian Gray and his portrait, beautiful yet rotting. The way he felt on the inside was slowly, yet surely, manifesting itself. He was so capable of kindness, and yet he never allowed himself to admit to it. If Saeran didn’t have his cruelty, he didn’t have anything. He needed to hold onto it to hold himself together as the Persecutor.

His kisses were rougher too, leaving your lips feeling puffy, tender, and always breathless. He seemed to thrive on the fact he could make you feel so weak, as though it was precisely your weakness that gave him the strength he needed to carry on this strained life he led. He’d sneak up behind you frequently, with the confidence that Ray never quite found, and bury his face into the side of your neck, running rough kisses along it until you sigh against him from the touch, not even bothering to move your hair out of the way as he did so. Even as he kissed you like this, he’d taunt you for enjoying his touch so much in comparison to Ray, who barely ‘had the guts’ to touch you freely. Saeran would lift up your finger to show him the tiny bite impressions that Ray had originally left, only to have Saeran go over them more harshly with his own bite, before moving back up to your throat.

He dragged his fangs along the thin skin of your neck, so you knew it was coming, before promptly biting you. He doesn’t try to be delicate like Ray, and he’s more likely to take too much blood and leave you feeling woozy. He’ll take as much blood as he wants, really. Once you inevitably faint in his arms, he’d usually carry you back and placed you on the bed, but only so he can reprimand you for being such a burden to him. He’d never admit to anything else, especially not to feeling bad about pushing you to your limit.

‘Heh… Don’t look so happy with yourself, your blood tastes like shit anyway. I should go and find someone better, someone sweeter.’ He smirked before laughing, his eyes alive with a frantic excitement. He still had a small steak of blood running down his lips and onto his chin, which he promptly wiped away onto his black suit sleeve without releasing you from his unwavering gaze.

There were times when he’d suddenly stop laughing and looked at his blood-covered hand in disgust, before dragging that same gaze over towards you. He’d look at the redness on his hands and try to wipe it away, even after it dried and would not budge without soap and water. Saeran would still furiously rub his skin against the fabric of his clothes in a vain attempt to wipe his slate clean. You were never able to decipher what Saeran felt in the moment that he decided that ‘play time’ was over, but he never seemed happy about the outcome of the collision the two of you had found yourselves in, even when he was the one that instigated it. He’d half-assedly throw a bag of food from the kitchen at you, telling you that you ought to be grateful for having such a kind master for feeding you, before promptly turning on his heels to leave and slamming the door shut.

He was complicated, that was for sure.

Vampire! GE Saeran Drabble

Saeran had been through so much, and yet he was coming out stronger and stronger from it each day. He had a lot to process, about himself, the things that had happened to him and the things that he has done to other people, especially to you. Saeran had a difficult time accepting the he hurt you. He understands that he did it and he has accepted the fact that he did it, but somehow his heart never wanted to believe it. No matter how many times you told him he needed to forgive himself for it, Saeran knew that he never could.

He tried to make it up to you in every way that he could think of. He was so loving, so caring. He always served your food first, gave you extra helpings and always made dessert for afterwards. His food was always so well made, filled with all the vitamins and minerals that your body could have possibly needed and always tasted like he had been cooking his whole life. He’d even try to feed you the last few bites if you’d let him, just to make sure that you’d gotten enough food. It’s sweet, and he does it out of care, but there’s a part of Saeran that does it because he feels as though he needs to make amends to your body for the way he treated it.

He’s not keen on drinking your blood, he feels as though he’s taking advantage of you and doesn’t enjoy the fact that he has to hurt you to be able to do it. He’d looked into alternatives that he could try, such as blood banks or from animals, just any means of supply that didn’t involve hurting you. It didn’t work out very well and in the end it started to do him more harm than good, so he usually just tried to wait for as long as he can in between biting you. And even then, he waits for you to offer because he doesn’t want to pressure you into giving up so sacred for him, Saeran would much rather have himself suffer than to make you feel any sort of uneasy around him.

He was a lot more considerate and knowledgeable about the outside world nowadays, and would look into various ways of making it less painful for you: the most effective one to date being numbing creams. He’s not a fan of the chemical taste of the cream in his mouth, but he would happily deal with it if it was for your sake. While he did still have a preference for your neck, because it felt a little bit more romantic to him, Saeran would always give you the choice on where you wanted him to bite. He knows it’s not his body to dictate, and if anything, he actually wants you to put some more of your own rules in place about it. He’d be more than happy if you wanted him to do it somewhere less visible so that you could hide it from people. As long as you weren’t hiding your actual relationship with him, he wouldn’t mind. He’s very understanding of the fact that sometimes it is a little awkward to have marks like that in public and that you didn’t want to answer questions from strangers all of the time.

He was very gentle with it, making sure to apply the numbing cream beforehand and to avoid any particularly sensitive spots while never biting too deep. Saeran never took more than what was absolutely necessary either, even if you told him that it was okay to do it. You figured that he always remembered the time that Saeran would make you faint after taking too much blood, and that it must weigh on his consciousness heavily. Telling him to take more than the bottom-line wasn’t something you frequently told him to do though, since you already knew he was restraining himself and trying to put some boundaries in place for your own protection, so you didn’t want to push him. He cleaned the area after drinking from it and pressed a little patterned band-aid onto it and sealed it with a kiss, just for good measure. It really didn’t sit right with him that he had to hurt you like this so he tried to make amends for it wherever he could.

He always wiped his mouth before he kissed you, since he thought it would be rather cruel to make you taste the blood that you had just willingly offered up to him. You’d find the taste unpleasant anyway, even if Saeran enjoyed it. Saeran was rather poetic at the best of times, but it was especially true when he was feeling a little bit drunk off of your love (and blood). If you ever asked him what your blood tasted like, he’d write you a verbal essay on how sweet it is. It’s intoxicating to him and it always had been, even when he was both Ray and Saeran. The two of them were so confused by their sudden feelings and this undeniable pull towards you that neither could escape from. If you let him, he’ll probably even get a little bit cliché with how he feels like he’s reached some form of enlightenment by your blood being the thing that can kept him alive, along with how he can feel your love beating through his veins and giving him strength. Sometimes you can’t help but cringe at some of the things that Saeran says, but he means it in such a sweet way that you find it even more affectionate.

In times like this, Saeran was so adorable and kind-hearted. He generally felt a bit bad about himself, since he knows that he can’t ever become a human again as a result of his time in Mint Eye, so you have to make the extra effort to love him in this moment. You cupped his face with both of your hands and told him how precious he was to you and that he is, and always will be, the most important thing in your life.

Vampire! Unknown Drabble

There were no words that allowed you to accurately describe Unknown. He was exactly that. You never quite knew what he was thinking and for the most part he definitely relished in that fact. His actions were unpredictable, and he barely seemed to keep a routine for too long, lest someone figured it out and learned to predict his moves. Everyone walked on eggshells around him out of fear and uncertainty, and he seemed to enjoy it. He found it humorous, even. He enjoyed taking you by surprise in particular, it was his main form of entertainment. You were a toy for him to play with when he got bored.

He was sort of what you expected a modern-day vampire to be, look-wise and attitude-wise. His attire was certainly a change. It felt as though he was trying to actively reflect the anguish he felt within, but at the same time, it was an external threat. A threat that if you got too close to him, you’d be in danger of getting hurt yourself. The spikes were enough to ensure that, even if Unknown wasn’t. He reminded you of Saeran, but you could tell that there was a stark difference between the two of them. Unknown rarely displayed anger in the same way that Saeran did, it was certainly there, but it wasn’t as explosive. Sometimes it was cold, warped, and vindictive underneath layers of you weren’t sure what. Like Saeran, he made little attempt to hide his fangs or ears, but he didn’t necessarily show them off unless he was actively trying to taunt someone. It was more as though he didn’t care about them until they were of use to him. At which point, he’d smirk and release the sharpened canines: a spark of excitement in his eyes inviting you closer, to dare test him.

When he wanted to feed from you, he’d summon you to wherever he is rather than coming to see you himself. After all, you were a failed experiment who couldn’t even do your job of talking to the RFA correctly; being an assistant was the best job you’d be able to manage, so he told you that you ought to be grateful for it especially since Magenta wasn’t in the habit of keeping ‘useless’ things around for very long.

He was usually desperate when he called for you because of the long hours he forced his body to endure, even throughout the daytime when he’d naturally be sleeping. He entirely believed that because he’s strong, he wasn’t allowed to feel anything except for that strength, so he had to keep himself at the same standard of work every single day in order to maintain it. He’d burn the candle at both ends and then continue trying to light the wick. When you thought of him, there was always one particular instance that came to mind when he had no choice but to display an element of weakness to you, and it enraged him. He had been out on a recon mission for The Savior and had over-exerted himself in the process, sustaining an injury. He had crashed into your room afterwards, panting and holding onto his bleeding wound, drinking enough blood in one go that he’d made you back onto your bed with light-headedness. He hadn’t done that since, and rarely pushed you past that point, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t willing to dance with the limit of it. He’d say it was because he preferred to tease you with it, to savour what belonged to him, even though you knew it wasn’t his only reason for taking it slow.

How he bit you depended on what mood he was in, but his typical go-to is to have you sitting on his lap while he’s at his desk and facing him so that he can pull you towards him by your hips, making sure that your collarbones are already level with his mouth. He shouldn’t have to do any of the work, he wanted you already in position for him.

Unknown’s hands were roughly on your shoulders, both pulling you towards him and holding you steady. He bites first, kissed later. There’s little warning to feeling his teeth, except for the second or so beforehand where you feel his hot breath fan over you, just before you feel the sharp break of that skin underneath. Sometimes he’d hover for a few seconds longer than usual because he sought the thrill of you not knowing when the pain was coming. He has a preference for the neck and collarbones, not that he’d never explain why to you but, simply, he doesn’t think he should have to anyway. You’d have laughed at the cliché nature of it, but you’d rather he kept it to the same area instead of spreading it all over your body. That being said, he had bitten your thighs a couple of times when your neck had been a little too sore for him to drink from there, when the skin needed time to heal.

Unknown swapped between biting and kissing at your neck, making his way up towards your mouth to continue the blood-tinted kiss there. Each time you tasted the metallic tinge on your tongue, it left your breathless, but not as much as the bite he’d leave on your lower lip did. You wouldn’t admit it to Unknown, but those kisses were some of your favourites that you had shared with him.

Not only did he leave your skin with actual bites, but he made point of littering your throat with lovebites each time too. As though the real bites weren’t enough for him, Unknown always had to go one step further with his act of possession over you. It was a cocky game, in his own mind, he needed to show that you were his and that no other Believer was permitted to look at you in the same that that he did.

When he was done and needed the wipe the blood away from his face, he’d wipe it straight onto the back of his hand. He’d make no effort to properly clean it until he went to wash his hands, it didn’t seem to bother him.

Vampire! Savior Saeran Drabble

It’s ironic, to Saeran, that crosses and biblical imagery did nothing to inhibit a Vampire, especially considering how linked the two aesthetics were. They truly went hand in damned hand. Mint Eye had always been steeped in Catholicism, as it was the core religion of the previous Savior, but as Saeran was forced to take the throne, he had not made any changes to those principles. He had been taught to instil and swallow those same beliefs in himself as they had been handed to him, even if they were not truly his own. He had been prepared in such a way that he would be able to take over Mint Eye when he had truly reached the peak of his strength and was intended to forge a new way for the organisation.

You had been bathed, dressed, and summoned to the throne room, where many Believers and the Savior in question were already gathered. You’d heard whispers that you were going to be cleansed, but the atmosphere you found yourself in did not seem to fit the one you associated with a cleansing. However, The Savior had yet to conduct a ceremony of his own since taking the throne and you started to fear that, perhaps, you were to be the leading spectacle. You walked between the Believers, as you were told to kneel before Saeran.

He was so lifeless in comparison to the Saerans you had once encountered before him. He was so sad, empty. At the very least, Ray’s melancholy had an element of hope to it, but as The New Savior stood before you, there was little more than a shell of the man that you had come to know. Your interaction with him was limited, but it was so plainly obvious to you that he was just being used as a pawn, a pawn in disguise of the King. It seemed distinctly sacrilegious to have a vampire dressed in religious garments, but you supposed that Saeran had probably not received a choice in either of those matters.

Another Believer came up from behind you and asked for your wrist, which he then wiped over with disinfectant fluid before presenting it to The Savior. Saeran reached out his hand to grab your arm, pulling it towards him. He was silent as his teeth suddenly found their way into your wrist, but he barely took more than a small mouthful of blood. Even with your arm in his grasp, Saeran said nothing and continued to just plainly stare ahead into the masses, occasionally throwing glances in your direction.

‘Are you ready for the next initiation step?’ He asked. You could still see your blood in his mouth, the thin line of red providing a stark colour contrast to the rest of his chilly pallor.

‘Yes.’ You replied.

Once done, he turned and pushed the red Elixir bottle towards you, tilting it into your open mouth. It was lukewarm and overwhelmed all of your senses with the metallic taste of blood and chemicals. It burned. Tasting blood like this felt so wrong. You felt it fill your mouth and you forced it down your throat swallow, gasping for air as soon as it passed. Was that… his blood? In the same way that he had been given his Savior’s blood?

You were asked to stand as Saeran took another step towards you. You tried to watch his eyes, looking for any hint of the life that Ray and Saeran had once brought to them, but The Savior in front of you had clearly managed to subdue that hope. Or rather, he had been forced and conditioned to abandon it.

Almost sombrely, he pressed a small kiss against your lips; causing you to once again receive a fresh taste of blood. Except this time, it was the remnants of your own that had been left on his own tongue. There was little free affection in his kiss, and it appeared to be more about the process of the initiation rather than anything to do with kindness or tenderness. It only lasted for a second or so and was nothing intimate, ending almost as soon as it had begun. He pulled away first, placing the bottle that he had been previously holding back onto the throne room altar.

You were hugely aware of the fact that you were still being watched by an entire room of people and felt so exposed, so seen. It was uncomfortable to have to wait there for it to be over when you would have much rather have had this be a private affair: not that you had been warned in advance anyway.

He pressed his bloody lips against your forehead, leaving a red stain against your skin. Saeran then reached a cold hand towards your face, dragging his thumb across the bloody kissmark and smearing it into the shape of an eye. A baptism.

Vampire! SE Saeran Drabble

He was trying. Saeran was really trying. Being around people was difficult, well, everything was a little difficult for him. It was taking all of his energy to adjust and process things, so you rarely saw him during the day. He was always pretty low energy and spent the majority of his time asleep or alone, with you only ever really catching glimpses of him at night. You guessed that it was at least a good thing that he was catching up on the sleep that he had deprived himself of for so many years, even if it meant you rarely got to see him.

Saeran didn’t really talk to anyone anyway, only you and his brother. That is, whenever he can be bothered to talk to Saeyoung as he often complained that he’s too tired for conversation. He usually didn’t have the energy to talk to his brother that much because of how hyperactive the other was. Saeyoung understands that Saeran needs time, even if it hurt him to not be able to pull his brother close after all of those years apart. Irreparable damage had been done where they would need years to repair it. There were even a few tense moments where Saeran had thought that Saeyoung was taunting him, or not trusting him, by wearing his crucifix necklace. Of course, his brother tried to explain that that was not the case and that Saeran wasn’t affected by religious symbols anyway, but it still seemed to annoy him. Eventually, Saeyoung stopped wearing his necklace and kept it in a drawer next to his bed, feeling as though the faith he believed in was probably redundant now that he knew how it had been tainted by the people he trusted.

Saeyoung had offered to let Saeran drink his blood before, as a way of making reparations to his twin, but Saeran flat out denied it: saying it would be disgusting to drink from him. He also threw in the comment that Saeyoung’s blood would taste ‘like shit’ because of his diet anyway, which was entirely understandable. Neither of you could fault Saeran for that.

Saeran felt rather conflicted and tentative about drinking your blood, often feeling pangs of guilt for how he previously treated you as Unknown. He often waited right up until he was pretty desperate before letting on that he was in need, and you’d have to realise on your own that his tiredness was not just coming from social exhaustion. He probably wouldn’t ask, so you’d have to offer.

When it happened, it usually happened in the same way with Saeran turning you around so that your back was facing him and you couldn’t look at him. He already felt some sort of way about biting you in the first place so the last thing he wanted was to have to look into your eyes as he did it. He felt more comfortable like this, and he felt as though he could take his time rationalising it a bit more when he wasn’t being watched. ‘Don’t turn around.’ He said tiredly. He sighed, clearly feeling a little awkward but not wanting to rush into it. It would be in this moment where he thought about how roughly he used to do it to you and wonder where he had gotten that confidence from. Truly, it felt like a lifetime ago.

Saeran placed his hands onto your shoulders, pausing right above where he was going to bite for a few seconds, letting his hot breath fan over you until he finally broke the skin. He wasn’t as rough as he used to be, and it was quite obvious how much he had been restraining himself by how quickly he drank. ‘Sorry.’ He whispered under the wight of the guilt. He always sounded like he was crying when he did this, even if you didn’t see any tears fall. You placed your hand on top of his own just to let him know that it was okay. Saeran wasn’t one for words, so he appreciated the support even if he didn’t tell you that directly.

He sat behind you for a few moments while he calmed down, his thumbs ever so slightly rubbing circles into your shoulders; a rare sign of intimacy from him. He doesn’t kiss you in that moment for a number of reasons. He felt parasitic, and he didn’t want to tie that emotion to affection. And yet, undeniably because he doesn’t want you to see him for what he is. Saeran carries a lot of shame, especially when he’s feeling so vulnerable as he does when he’s in that state. He wiped the blood from his lips onto the back of his sleeve, but would change his jumper shortly afterwards because it made him feel dirty to even look at. Saeran didn’t want to sit with your blood on him, that was cruel to the both of you.

You’d often find that he’d leave you a little gift the next day but would claim to not have any knowledge of it. It was always a little thing that only he would think to bring you, such a small flower from the garden or one of his snacks out of the kitchen.

#mystic messenger #mysme #mysme-rbb #saeran choi #saeran choi x reader #mystic messenger fanfic #mystic messenger x reader #mystic messenger reader insert #mystic messenger self insert #mystic messenger headcanons #mystic messenger hcs #mystic messenger drabbles

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jaminjims · 4 years

Text

heartbeat || p.jm

@jiminiestanposts requested: Hiii, could I request a top male reader x bottom jimin please?? Where the reader likes jimin but jimin doesn’t like him back. After a few months, though, jimin gets jealous when the reader and another member seem close, and this is when he realises that he loves the reader. Angst at the beginning, but fluffy at the end when reader and jimin get together😊 Thank youuuuuu!! 💜💜💜

a/n: ahh its been awhile hasn’t it? over the past few months sooo much has changed for me! i’m getting into the colleges i applied to (hallelujah) and i’m almost done with the college craziness (hopefully)! i’m so sorry this is posted so late, but my computer broke a few months ago and is still broken, so i had to write this using my phone (which was icky) but i hope my writing skills aren’t too rusty. thank you so so so much to the lovely jiminiestanposts for requesting and i hope this is what you were looking for bub! (also, i hope everyone has had a good holiday and is staying healthy!) 💖💖

pairing: jimin x male danceinstructor!reader

genre: angsty at the beginning, christmas fluff at the end <3

words: 2.1k

warnings: unrequited love (at the beginning), sadness, jealousy

~**~

Your hands were numb as you walked into the BigHit building. This winter has been grueling and even you can admit to being a baby when it comes to the cold.

You shrugged off your jacket and pulled off your hat once you entered one of the many dance practice rooms that BigHit had within its walls. Setting up the sound system was almost second nature as you were rounding the three month mark of being one of BigHit’s dance instructors. You technically weren’t supposed to be promoted as early as you were (you had been working as a back-up dancer for only a year before being promoted) but one of the instructors was on leave because his wife gave birth, and it quickly became apparent that the dance staff needed another set of hands for teaching.

But the other dance instructors didn’t look down on you for being promoted out of necessity, as did any of the other background dancers. They agreed that out of all of them, you were one of the most talented because of the sheer amount of power you held over your body and the dominance that you portrayed when you were dancing. Because of the talent you held, you were assigned to work with BTS themselves.

Today however you were working with the trainee’s because Miyoung, a fellow instructor, got sick with the flu and needed someone to take over. You were glad to help, but most of the trainee’s weren’t glad that you were teaching. You’ve been told that the way you taught was really hardcore and labor intensive, especially to people who don’t train with you often, but you just wanted them to be the best they could be.

The trainee’s didn’t see it that way.

So when the time came when you announced that practice was over, all of the younglings dropped to the ground and heaved out groans of relief. You could’ve sworn some even fall asleep.

It was then that Jimin decided to peak his head into the door of the practice room and smile at the scene. The trainee’s all scrambled to their feet to greet him but he just smiled and told them to rest. They made their way out of the room, thanking you timidly as they went.

Jimin started walking over to you and your heart skipped a beat. “Hyung! I thought we talked about working the young ones to death!” He laughed and you would’ve felt lightheaded if you weren’t leaning against the mirrored wall.

“If they wanna be as good of a dancer as you, Jiminie, then I have to be hard on them.” You laughed, still a bit out of breath.

Jimin just hit you on the shoulder and scoffed, “You are better than me 100 percent, hyung.”

You swore this boy was out to kill you.

Park Jimin was perfection in human form. While you wholeheartedly agreed that everyone in BTS was handsome (you had no qualms admitting it out loud) Jimin just did something to you that the other boys didn’t. His personality was nothing to look over, either. All Jimin had to do was be himself and you were there at his beck and call.

Ever since you had started working as BTS’ personal dance instructor, it was like a part of you that you didn’t know was missing fell into place. You had become fast friends with all of them, and there was a certain calmness you felt around them. They were like a family, and you were surrounded by that positive energy almost instantly and brought into their circle.

For a while you passed off your growing affection for Jimin as that. You were enveloped by the good vibes they gave off and that was how you rationalized suddenly wanting to be around Jimin. Hold his hand, make him smile.

But eventually you had to face the music. When your thoughts started to stray to him whenever you had any free time, or when you fantasized about kissing him, taking care of him, you knew what had happened.

You were falling head first in love with this man. (if you weren’t in love with him already)

Yet, you were also scared of what the implications of that were. You started to question yourself more. How does he feel about you? Is he even interested like you are? Does he feel the connection you do? There were so many questions and sometimes your feelings got overwhelming. There have been a couple close calls when you almost confessed just to get it off your chest.

But it’s not like you could just go around confessing your love to one of the members of the world’s biggest boy band.

You almost jumped when you felt a head on your shoulder. You looked down and got a face full of Jimin’s hair and you felt your skin burn where his bare arm touched yours.

He suddenly looked up at you with his big doe eyes and a pout on his face, “What’s on your mind? Are you ok?”

No, you were not ok and he was the reason.

You tried to sort through your thoughts as he looked at you like that, but all you could hear was your heartbeat all the way up in your throat. You were suddenly overcome with the strong urge to kiss him and pull him into a hug so you could protect him from the world. You battled with yourself as the both of you looked into each other’s eyes.

Screw it.

You pushed yourself off the wall (causing Jimin to stand up straight as well) and leaned down before you had the chance to chicken out (where this sudden braveness and affection came from, you would never know). Your lips met his soft ones as you grabbed his head in between your much larger hands.

It was sweet and soft, and you had no intention of deepening it if he didn’t want it. A few seconds went by before you felt his tiny hands push against your chest.

You leaned back and looked into his shocked eyes. Your hands were still cupping his cheeks as he struggled to make a sentence, “Y-Y/n I-“

You interrupted him; you had to let your feelings be known. It was unfair to both of you at this point, and you felt like you were going to explode. Besides, you were already to far over the edge to stop now. “I love you. I am in love with you, Park Jimin.”

His eyes widened even more than before and his mouth parted in disbelief. The room seemed to hold its breath with you as you waited for his response. After a few seconds he stepped back with a frown on his face.

Oh.

“I’m sorry Y/n, but I don’t feel the same.”

Oh.

He left the room, almost slamming the door behind him. In his place was the love that would never be reciprocated.

So much for not confessing.

It had been two months, three weeks, and six days since you confessed. Not that Jimin was counting or anything though.

After the Confession of 2020™️, as he had dubbed it, he’s felt rather misplaced. He doesn’t really know how to describe it.

After he had left the practice room that day, Jimin almost ran back to the dorms. His mind was on overdrive and he didn’t even know what to think, let alone feel.

You loved him. Not like, but love.

He couldn’t fathom how you, the dancer that got promoted in a year (that was a record), the guy that fit in so easily with him and his brothers, the one who had such a deep voice it made something inside him tremble, was in love with him. He was angry at first; how could you just say something that monumental, just out of the blue like that? What was Jimin even supposed to say? The lack of regard you seemed to have for his feelings on the matter made him angsty and upset.

What made him stop and think was the fact that you had pretended like nothing had ever happened.

You went back to treating him like you did before and didn’t bring it up again. But, there was a certain air about you. You seemed sad, and if you were a little more distant than usual, Jimin pretended not to know why when it was brought up one night while BTS was having dinner.

But after thinking about this for longer than he would like to admit, he realized that you only had his feelings in mind.

You decided to not let your feelings get in the way of your relationship with the others. You acted like nothing happened because he had rejected you, and you didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable.

Jimin felt like an ass after he figured it out. Of course you would be that considerate, that’s just the type of person you are.

The kind of awkward ‘what happens now’ energy surrounding you both went on for a couple more weeks, but it was when Jimin saw you in the practice room, lights off, head down, and shoulders shaking that he realized maybe you weren’t as ok as you made yourself out to be.

He wanted to go in and check on you, apologize, do something to make sure you were ok.

In the end, he didn’t.

Maybe that’s why, months later, he felt an uncomfortable prickly sensation deep in his gut when he saw you leaning against Hobi-hyung, laughing with tears in your eyes.

Yeah, he just felt guilty. Nothing else.

Yet that same prickly feeling only amplified when he saw you hanging out with Hoseok, dancing with him, grabbing lunch with him. Jimin didn’t get it.

All he knew was that he wanted you here with him instead of his hyung. He wanted you to be laughing, dancing, and eating with him, not anyone else. All of a sudden you were the one that he was thinking about. What were you doing at the moment? Were you smiling? Suddenly he missed your smile. Were you happy? Now he wanted to talk with you, to make you laugh.

This was getting ridiculous.

It was Christmas Eve, but Jimin was anything but cheery as he saw you hugging Hobi in greeting, thanking him for letting you spend the night on Christmas.

Was it just him or could he see you blushing?

All of a sudden, without really knowing what he was doing, Jimin pulled you away from Hoseok and marched you both into his room. You were surprised at the action and a little concerned as you looked at Jimin’s agitated face.

“Hey, are you alright? What’s up Jiminie?”

His heartbeat sped up.

You frowned when he didn’t answer your question. You put your head to his forehead because he looked a little red. “Are you sick? You don’t feel like you have a fever.”

Jesus christ, was this what it felt like to you when he would do anything? He could barely hear you over the sound of his own heartbeat. He wouldn’t be surprised if you could hear it too.

Your eyes softened when you saw tears at the corners of his eyes. You whipped at them softly, “Hey, whatever is bothering you, you can tell me.”

It was quiet for a minute and just as you thought he wasn’t going to answer, Jimin inhaled sharply.

“I love you.”

You paused, short-circuiting for a minute as you processed what he said.

He stepped closer to you, “I love you, L/n Y/n.”

His lips timidly met yours and before you knew what you were doing, you were kissing him back, full of passion.

You put every once of love, sadness, everything into the kiss to try to convey what you couldn’t say in words. You put your hands on his cheeks and tried to push him closer.

Once the two of you parted for air, you looked into his eyes. “God, I love you so much. Park Jimin, you have no idea what you do to me.” Both of you were a blushing mess.

A very small part of you wanted to be angry at him. He made you go through all that heartache, for what? But you would worry about that later; right now, you just wanted to be close to him.

You pulled him into a hug and his small hands found their place at your sides, tugging you closer. Jimin giggled into your chest, feeling lighter than he has in the last few months. “Merry Christmas, Y/n.”

You kissed his head, a giddy smile on your face. “Merry Christmas, Jiminie.”

[end]

~**~

end note: for some reason i love this fic so much!! maybe it’s because it’s my slow progression back into writing for them, but something about this one hits me in the feels (in a good way). i hope you guys have an amazing new year (here’s to hoping 2021 is bounds better than 2020!!🥂) and christmas break. again, thank you so so much to jiminiestanposts for the amazing prompt! and i want everyone to know that i support them and that they are loved 💖💜❤️

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taglist: @boba-tea1206

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wisteriashouse · 4 years

Text

desire.

pairing: rengoku kyoujurou x reader

genre: fluff, slight nsfw

word count: 4811

This demon is unlike any other that you’ve faced before.

“Kyoujurou, pressure the left flank and drive it towards the middle! We’ll corner it with a pincer attack!” You call out as you leap through the treetops, relying on the meagre light of the half moon to see where you’re putting your feet. Beneath you on the ground, Kyoujurou calls his affirmation, keeping tight on the demon’s tail. “Remember to keep an eye out for his Blood Demon Art!”

It’s the first time either of you have seen a Blood Demon Art like this one. Instead of the usual ability to hurt or deal damage in the most unexpected ways possible, this demon’s ability makes you deeply besotted with the first thing you lay eyes on. The spell had not been limited to animate creatures, and both you and Kyoujurou had solemnly promised to never speak of this night ever again.

After a while, however, you and Kyoujurou had gotten much better at avoiding the bright pink smoke that the demon released — although the spell was potent, it was short lived. Darting forward, you leap down from the trees as Kyoujurou thrusts forward with his blade, forcing the demon to jump out of reach and right into your path.

With a shout, you grip your sword tight and swing. “Breath of Snow, First Form, Snowflake Slash!”

The demon, unable to dodge your attack, screams as your blade cuts through his neck as easily as slicing running water. In that moment, familiar fuchsia clouds erupt from his body, enveloping you in them completely. You gasp in surprise, throwing your hand over your mouth, and leap away urgently to avoid breathing it in, but you’re a little too late. A few meters away, you can hear Kyoujurou calling for you, panicked.

You stumble towards his voice and out of the dissipating smoke, feeling a little lightheaded. “I’m fine.” You reassure Kyoujurou the second he dashes over to you, concern written all over his face. “I just didn’t expect the demon to make a last ditch effort like that, so I was taken by surprise. I won’t let that happen again.”

Kyoujurou waves the remainder of the pink smoke away from your face before glancing behind you. “It seems that the demon has been slain indeed!” The body has already started to disintegrate into ash. He turns back to you, carefully looking over your form for any injuries. “Are you sure that you are alright? You must have inhaled a lot of the smoke just now. Do you feel anything off?”

A little confused as well, you simply shrug. You had expected yourself to have already been trying to kiss the life out of a rock on the ground, or perhaps be in a passionate embrace with a tree. “Maybe it’s because I’ve already slayed the demon that its spell has no effect? I’m just a little hot and sweaty from the battle and I really want a shower...” You clap Kyoujurou on the shoulder lightly with a reassuring smile before sheathing your sword. “Come on, our work here is done. Let’s head back to the town for the night.”

He nods, but then fixes his gaze sternly on you. “If you feel anything strange, tell me immediately!” His golden eyes are filled with worry for you, and warmth blossoms in your chest in response. “Understood?”

You hum in agreement. “Of course.”

As if the two of you had already used up all the luck you had on defeating that demon, the first inn both of you had come across only had one available room. Too exhausted from the fight earlier to search for another inn, you haul Kyoujurou with you to your designated room, good naturedly ignoring the man’s protests that you should get the room.

“You can sleep over there, and I’ll sleep over here.” You tell the Flame Pillar after pushing him into the room with you. He stands rigidly in the doorway, still hesitant, and you laugh at the conflicted expression on his face. “Come on, Kyoujurou. It’s the middle of the night and the two of us need to set off early tomorrow morning, so we should get as much rest as possible.”

“Yes, but it is not proper for me to sleep in the same room as you!” Kyoujurou tries to protest, looking at you helplessly. “I could sleep outside while you take the room, and-” You put one hand over his mouth, cutting off his words.

“As if I’d allow you to sleep outside when we have two perfectly good futons in the room.” You scold as he looks down at you seriously, golden eyes bright even in the dim light of the room. “Really, Kyoujurou, you’re so sweet and honorable that it’s a little annoying. You’re a man of principle and a precious friend. I’d trust my life with you, Kyo.”

You feel Kyoujurou swallow under your palm at the weight of your words before he reaches up to pull your hand away from his mouth. His gaze doesn’t leave yours. “Then I will not break the trust you have in me.” He says earnestly, squeezing your hand. Satisfied with his acceptance, you smile at him and hold out your hand playfully. “So, janken to decide who gets to shower first?”

Kyoujurou pulls a rock, while you put out a paper. You suspect he lost on purpose, but he admits nothing with that unflappable smile of his, shooing you to head to the baths first while he lays out the futons for both of you.

As you gather the robes the inn has provided you, you fan yourself with one hand, staring out of the window in confusion.

Why is tonight so unbearably warm?

>>>

Kyoujurou is stirred awake in the middle of the night.

“Kyoujurou...” The voice calling out to him is familiar and yet not, so desperate it almost sounds like a whimper. He briefly wonders if it’s a dream, because the owner of this voice would never speak to him in this manner. His arm is shaken again, more insistent. “Kyoujurou, please wake up, I need your help.”

The second time his name is called, it’s undeniable: it’s your voice.

And you need him to be awake right now.

He’s reaching for the sword lying next to his bedding before his eyes even fully open, sitting upright and searching for you. “What happened?” He asks urgently, turning to look at you... and the sight that he’s greeted with has his heart seizing up in his chest.

You’re curled up in a ball next to his bed, shivering uncontrollably, soft pants leaving your mouth. Panic floods through him at the state you’re in, and in an instant he’s by your side, dropping his sword onto the bedding. “What’s wrong?” He brushes your hair from your face as gently as he can, and is shocked to feel your forehead damp with cold sweat. A cold? A fever, perhaps? It must have been serious enough that you couldn’t make it over to his bed on your own two feet. “Are you feeling unwell? What do you need?”

A little whimper leaves you, and the sound tugs at his heartstrings. Heart pounding in his chest, Kyoujurou quickly moves to slip his arms under your body to lift you onto his bedding, before he rushes to pull on his haori. It’s clearly an emergency. “Just wait here,” he says urgently, “I’ll find a doctor and get back to you immediately-”

His eyes finally adjust completely to the dark, and whatever words he’d been about to say die in his throat, replaced by a choked intake of breath.

Your fingers are buried under the hem of your sleeping robes, your hips rocking against your palm as a stream of needy whines escape you. It’s his name, Kyoujurou realises, mind blank as he stares at the wanton expression on your face, unable to look away. You’re touching yourself as you moan his name.

“T-the demon’s... ability!” You manage to get out, between tiny, hiccupping moans and a pained whimper that sends the blood right to his groin. “I woke up and I felt like my body was burning... I tried everything I could do to get off, but nothing works!”

Kyoujurou swallows the small lake in his mouth before he forces himself to move, dropping to his knees next and averting his gaze to look away from the sinful noises your hands are making. There are tears gathering in the corners of your eyes, and he tries to ignore the heat pooling in his own belly. Focus. He chides himself sharply. You’re suffering the effects of that demon’s spell, and he’s the only one who can help you. Focus!

“What do you need me to do?” He tries to keep his voice steady even as you let out a little cry of desperation, clearly unable to find the satisfaction you need even as you grind against your own hand. “Some water? A doctor?”

“No, I need you to touch me, Kyoujurou,” you force yourself onto your hands and knees, and in the next second Kyoujurou finds you in his lap, your mouth on his neck, sucking and biting frantically. A sharp groan escapes him when your teeth tug at the skin of his collarbone, his hands coming up on instinct to steady you as you squirm in his lap. He can feel you soaking through the cloth of his robes. “Kyoujurou, please, touch me, kiss me, anything...”

“Wait-” He tries to say, but then your mouth is on his, hot and wet and his mind goes blank. All he knows is the intoxicating scent of you that surrounds him, more potent than the demon’s spell, and the heat of your mouth as your tongue slips into his mouth, stroking his and begging him to play along. A shudder runs through his entire body. “Wait, you cannot-”

“I’m begging you, Kyoujurou, I need you!” A frustrated sob leaves your mouth and you grind yourself against the firmness of his thigh, your entire body shaking like a leaf above him in want. He’s painfully hard and you’re utterly relentless, not giving him a single moment to breathe. “Please, I’ll do anything, just touch me!”

His breath lodges in his throat. “I-”

Clearly too impatient to wait for him to actually do something, you push him down so that he’s sprawled over the bedding before your mouth drags down the exposed skin of his chest, your fingers slipping down to his groin and squeezing. A trembling moan escapes him as pleasure flares through him like a red hot flame, burning and licking at every nerve ending in his body. He can’t find it in him to push you away.

Instead of you, Kyoujurou feels like it was he who was struck by the demon’s spell.

“Kyo...” You beg, pressing kisses all over his cheeks and forehead, and his heart stutters alarmingly at the intimate nickname that only you call him by. “Take me, please. That’s all I need. I need you in me.”

“Please, you need to stop-” He tries to focus, but then you’re rocking against him and he lets out a choked moan of your name as he trembles beneath you, trying to keep his hips from bucking up into yours with sheer self will. His breath falters into short, heaving pants, head spinning, and he’s losing himself, pulled closer and closer to the edge. No, no, no-

I’d trust my life with you, Kyo.

Your words from earlier hit him like a punch in the gut, ice in his veins. He’s never felt so ashamed of himself.

Right. You trust him. You trust him with your life. And he’d promised never to break it, not now, not ever.

You pull his fingers into the wet heat of your mouth, sucking desperately on them and Kyoujurou nearly whimpers at the feeling. Why did it have to be you? He wonders, heart pounding in his chest. Anyone but you, he would have easily been able to push away. It was you, only you-

You bite down on the pad on his finger, and Kyoujurou snaps.

In the blink of an eye, he’s the one of top, one of his hands pinning yours above your head. You’re taken by surprise, looking up at him with wide eyes filled to the brim with desire, your chest heaving beneath him. “Yes, Kyoujurou.” You pant, legs winding around his hips to draw him closer to you. “Come on, just take me already-”

“This isn’t what you want.” Kyoujurou breathes, more to himself than to you. You whine beneath him in protest, but he forces himself to turn his ears from your breathless pleas. “I won’t allow myself to do anything to you when you’re in this state of mind.”

He reaches for the belt lying on top of his uniform, looping them once around your wrists and tying them tight. Realising what he’s going to do, you panic and begin to thrash about in his grasp, sobbing his name desperately.

“The demon’s spell should wear off in a while.” Kyoujurou murmurs, wrapping you so tightly in his bedding that you can’t move an inch. The cry of distress leaves you pierces Kyoujurou all the way to his heart.

He leans over, brushing the hair from your eyes with a shaking hand. “I’m sorry, darling.” Letting himself be weak in one regard, he bends down to drop a gentle kiss on your sweat soaked brow. “But the one I don’t trust around you is myself.”

With that, he grabs his sword and flees the room, never turning back.

>>>

If there is a hole, you want to bury yourself in it and never see the light ever again.

The lust induced haze that had clouded your mind the night before had lasted throughout the night, only dissipating in the face of the sun’s morning rays to leave you utterly mortified at what you’d done. Briefly, you wish that the spell hadn’t worn off so that you wouldn’t have to feel this embarrassment.

Kyoujurou had entered the room only after the sun had risen, his usual confident gaze averted as he undid your trappings, both of you too awkward to look at each other in the eyes. As he frees you, you can see the dark shadows under his eyes - had he been awake the entire night?

Kyoujurou had, in fact, been awake the entire night, ears plugged with scraps of fabric as he kept watch outside your room in case any stranger got too close to your room.

“Are you...” Kyoujurou begins hesitantly as he wipes your face with a damp towel. “Are you... alright?”

You nod without a word, eyes firmly fixed on your toes, unable to look at your friend. How do you apologise? How do you say sorry for making things so awkward? You had practically tried to force yourself on him last night, and gods bless him, he had resisted you as if you were the Muzan himself trying to corrupt him, which wasn’t too far from the truth.

“That’s... relieving to hear.” You can hear the strain in Kyoujurou’s voice, and then he’s rising to his feet, moving quickly towards the door. He’s already dressed in his uniform and haori, his sword hanging from his hip. “When you feel well enough to move, you can head to the tavern below for breakfast. I’ve asked the innkeeper to make you porridge that’s nourishing and easy on the stomach. You should take it easy today since you’ve had a rough night yesterday. I’ll be going first.”

Panic floods through you; you haven’t apologised yet, and that strange air is still hanging between the two of you like a thick smog. You hate it. “Kyoujurou, wait-” You try to say, but before you can continue your sentence, he’s already gone.

Feeling utterly rejected, you sit there on the bedding, fingers twisting into the sheets anxiously.

He doesn’t hate you, does he?

The next time the two of you do meet, it’s at the semi-annual Pillar meeting.

About a month has passed since the ‘incident’, and while you would usually use this time as a opportunity to catch up with Kyoujurou, excitedly chatting with him about all the things that you’ve done over the past months, this meeting is different.

Kyoujurou won’t even meet your eyes.

You spent the entire meeting lost in your thoughts, not unlike Muichirou but perhaps several times more anxious. Even Sanemi pointed out your inattentiveness with a scowl and you tossed a rock at him, leading to both of you snapping at each other like squabbling kittens until Oyakata-sama had raised a finger to his lips to shut the two of you up.

After the meeting, the rest of the Pillars had dispersed to their own business, and you’d desperately tried to search for Kyoujurou. The Flame Pillar was naturally loud and quite difficult to miss with his bright hair, so the only reason to as why you couldn’t find him would be that he was avoiding you.

You felt your heart sink, anxiety twisting in the pit of your stomach.

Maybe he really hates you? Does he not want to be your friend any more?

The thought frightens you more than the prospect of fighting an Upper Moon. Forcing yourself to think, you rush to the Rengoku Estate as quickly as possible, searching for your friend.

The moment you reach the Estate, Senjurou sees you at the gates and his eyes immediately light up like miniature twin suns. “You’re here!” He calls delightedly, dropping his broom and rushing over to tackle you in a hug. “Older Brother came home earlier without you, so I was wondering where you were! You still haven’t taught me how to make sweet potato wedges for Brother to eat!”

You smile at Senjurou, patting his hair down gently. “No rush.” You try to say as calmly as possible even as your heart races. He’s here. “Before that, could you tell me where your brother is first? I need to talk to him about something.”

Senjurou might not have any talent as a Demon Slayer, but he is extraordinarily perceptive when it comes to emotions. His eyes widen in worry. “Did you and Brother have a fight? Is that why he came home without you today?”

You swallow.

“No, not a fight. It’s difficult to explain.” You say hesitantly as you squat in front of Senjuro, so that the two of you can talk eye to eye. “Something awkward happened between the two of us, and I’m not sure if he still wants to be friends anymore.” Senjurou looks at you in concern, before he reaches over to pat your hair, trying to comfort you.

“I’m sure Brother will want to make up with you.” Senjurou reassures you earnestly. “I mean, Brother loves you! He talks about you all the time, and he always looks so happy when he does. He’ll definitely still want to be your friend! If he doesn’t...” Senjurou’s voice trembles. “If he doesn’t, I’ll not make him roasted sweet potatoes anymore!”

A small laugh escapes you at that and you kiss the crown of Senjurou’s head lightly. “Thank you, Sen, but Kyoujurou might actually die without your roasted sweet potatoes.” Feeling a little better, you glance about the Estate. “Then, could you tell me where he is? I’ll talk to him right now.”

“He’s in his room.” Senjurou pulls you to your feet and pushes you in the direction of the residences. “Hurry! And good luck!”

Giving Senjurou a hasty wave, you leap over the rooftops to Kyoujurou’s room, landing lightly on the engawa outside, so familiar that you recognise the pattern of the woodgrain beneath your feet. Kyoujurou and you had spent so many days here at the Rengoku Estate before both of you became Pillars, training together in the summer, drinking tea in the spring, roasting sweet potatoes in a pile of leaves in autumn and making snow angels in the winter. All those memories are the foundation of your relationship with Kyoujurou, and the more you think about them, the more terrified you are that you’ll lose your best friend.

Hesitantly, you knock on the washi sliding screen.

“Kyo?” You call, fingers twisting in the hem of your haori. “Can we... can we talk?”

“Ahh, y/n, is that you?” His voice is energetic and bright as usual, but it sounds stiff; this isn’t the tone he usually adopts when he speaks to you. “I’m sorry that you had to come all the way over here, but I’m feeling rather tired today. Can we speak another time?”

His words drive a dagger straight into your heart. Does he really not want anything to do with you anymore?

Before you know it, a tear has escaped your eye, followed by another. More and more fall as you try to wipe them away desperately, trying your best to steady your voice. “O-okay.” You manage to get out, a little hiccup escaping you as you turn around to leave, but then door is suddenly flung open, and you turn around in surprise to see Kyoujurou standing there in the doorway, looking utterly panicked.

The moment he sees your wet eyes, his face goes stricken and he closes the distance between the two of you with a few quick steps, wrapping you in a familiar embrace. “Oh, no, darling, don’t cry, I-” At his words, you only cry louder, burying your face in his chest and clinging to him so tightly you’re sure you must be suffocating him. Instead of pulling you away gently, however, he presses tender, soothing kisses to the crown of your head.

“Don’t hate me.” You wail outright into his shirt. “I’m sorry for what happened, it was all my fault. I don’t want you to hate me, Kyo.”

At your words, Kyoujurou lets out a self deprecating sigh and buries his face in your hair, one hand combing through the strands in an effort to calm you down. “I couldn’t hate you.” Kyoujurou promises quietly, and you sniff in response. “Not now, not ever. I apologise for making you feel that way. Look at me.”

You hiccup, unwilling to remove your face from his chest, and shake your head.

Kyoujurou lets out a soft exhale, pulling you tighter against his chest. You can feel his heartbeat through the fabric of his uniform.

“That night, it wasn’t your fault in the least, it was the demon’s spell.” He says firmly, trying to make sure you understand. “Instead, it was my own feelings and desires that I could not control, and I was ashamed of myself. I did not know how to apologise, hence I acted like a coward. I am truly sorry.”

That was why he’d been avoiding you the entire time? Surprised, you look up at him to see his brows furrowed, lips pressed tightly together as if he’s truly ashamed of himself. You shake your head frantically.

“You didn’t touch me of your own will, Kyoujurou.” You insist, lacing his fingers with yours and squeezing tight. “You didn’t break the trust I had in you. Kyoujurou... you’re a wonderful man. You just proved to me even more that you would never do anything to hurt me. You-”

“But I wanted to!” Kyoujurou spits out the words like they’re poison in his mouth, you stare up at him with wide eyes. “I wanted you to kiss me and touch me, and I wanted to do utterly despicable things to you as well! I’ve been dreaming about it for months, and I’ve loved you for longer! I wanted to let you do all those things in spite of knowing that you had put your trust in me, and I-”

His words are cut off when you press your finger to his mouth, so softly that it feels like the first snow against his lips.

Your heart seems to have stilled in your chest. “Repeat that again, Kyoujurou.” You breathe. Kyoujurou goes deathly still in your arms, and you hear him swallow. His heart pounds so hard in his chest you can feel its beat against your palm.

“I love you.” He whispers, his voice almost choked with emotion. His golden eyes are fixed on you and only you. “I love you very much, to the extent it terrifies me.”

“If I were to say that I felt the same... and asked you to kiss me now,” your lips feel unbearably dry and he lets out a small groan as your tongue darts out to wet them. “What would you do?”

“Love you back even more until there is nothing left of me to give.” Kyoujurou promises breathlessly, his hands gripping yours tight. Every word that leaves him is a vow of its own, its sincerity rivalling that of his dedication to the Demon Slayers. “And kiss you until my breath runs out.”

You take a deep breath, and take another step forward, until your body is pressed entirely against his, so close the heat of his body warms yours to the tip of your toes.

“Then make good of your promise, Kyoujurou.” You breathe. “Kiss me.”

He doesn’t need to be told twice. In the next second one of his hands are at the back of your head, pulling you forward gently so that his lips can meet yours, his other hand cradling your jaw as if you’re the most precious thing in the world. You raise your own hands to bury themselves in his hair, his lips sliding along yours as you kiss, your eyelids fluttering shut.

When you part your mouth slightly to flick the tip of your tongue against his lips, Kyoujurou lets out a low groan deep in his chest before his own tongue slips into your mouth, your breaths mingling as you try to press yourself as close to him as possible. You can feel yourself growing lightheaded, but you can’t bring yourself to pull away, all you can think about is how you want more, more, everything that Kyoujurou is willing to give.

Luckily for you, however, Kyoujurou notices that you’re slowly dying from asphyxiation and pulls away so that you can gasp your breath back into your lungs, a light chuckle leaving his lips as he looks over your flushed cheeks and reddened lips.

“Beautiful.” He says, and your cheeks burn. Burying your face in his chest, Kyoujurou laughs brightly at your shyness, trying to coax you out. “Come on, let me see that face. Passion looks absolutely exquisite on you, my darling.”

You shake your head in his embrace, utterly embarrassed at his words. “How do you still look so calm?” You complain as you look up at him, and Kyoujurou chuckles. He takes one of your hands and presses it to his chest, and you can feel his heart racing under your palm. “My heart does not calm when you are near, I can promise you that.” He presses a kiss to the corner of your mouth. “It has been this way for years.”

The sound of something dropping makes the two of you turn your heads, and you’re shocked to see Senjurou standing at the end of the engawa with his mouth hanging open, a tray of roasted sweet potatoes at his feet. He stares at the two of you, eyes clearly taking in your flushed expression and putting two and two together.

You really need a hole to bury yourself in.

“So...” Senjuro’s voice is tiny. “I assume the two of you made up?”

“Well, yes-” You squeak out, mortified at having been caught in such a scandalous position by the child who’s looked up to you as his elder sister. You subtly try to extricate yourself from Kyoujurou’s grasp, but he only grins exuberantly at Senjurou

“More than that!” He shouts gleefully, his smile so bright its almost blinding. “We feel the same!” You let out a squeak when Kyoujurou scoops you easily into his arms, his lips dropping a flurry of affection all over your face until you’re sure all the blood is in your face. “We’re together!”

Senjurou’s eyes light up and then he’s throwing himself in for a hug, Kyoujurou laughing like he’s the happiest you’ve ever heard him in your entire life. Utterly embarrassed and too happy to say a word, you only bury your face in your hands, trying to hide the flush of your cheeks.

“I won’t break the trust you have in me.” Kyoujurou vows, his lips nuzzling into your hair. “Everything I promised, and even more than that, I’ll make good on all of them.”

You smile shyly, and kiss the tip of his nose.

“I believe you.”

#rengoku #rengoku fanfic #rengoku kyojuro #kyojuro #kyoujurou #rengoku kyojuro x reader #kimetsu no yaiba #kimetsu no yaiba fanfic #demon slayer #demon slayer fanfic

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aliixen · 3 years

Text

Soft[Christa Lenz x Fem!Reader]

Okay so I’ve got some ideas in my head that I need to get out. This was one of them, I started writing them down because they just keep coming to me and I;m still on my attack on titan brainrot, so please bear with me. This is a short one shot where reader is part of the 104th Cadet Corps and Christa’s best friend. There are no amazing things here, just pure fluff so if any of you need some sweetness today, here you go. Enjoy! ❤️

Note: Sorry for mistakes and bad writing, I’m still a novice and English isn’t my first language. I also have a problem with writing short snippets because I always end up making them longer and longer, adding new things so this is one of the first I managed to write and not turn into a story with chapters 😖

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- You should watch out for yourself dummy! You’re always making me worried! - Christa said as she cleaned another cut on your face, a result of your recklessness during training session - What if something happened to you and I wouldn’t be there?

- Relax Christa, it’s just a small cut! It will heal in no time so it’s not a big deal - you gave her your award winning smile to show her everything was alright but it quickly turned into a pout when she gently smacked your forehead with her small hand - Meanie.

- Oh don’t be like that you big baby. Besides, you always say that it’s just something! If you’d only watch out for yourself more… - you saw a glint of worry in her eyes and it made you feel guilty about your actions.

You often got hurt while you were training and Christa, your best friend, was always there to help you, knowing you had a knack for getting in trouble. Today was no exception and once again you found yourself sitting on Christa’s bed in the shared room, her soft hands treating your injuries as you gazed into her blue eyes. You were alone and it was hard to focus on anything else since for the past few months you grew to love your dearest friend, although you kept it to yourself, too afraid of losing her to even try and do something about it.

It was no wonder. Christa was a literal angel, both in looks and character and everybody knew it. That was why she was so popular with guys and girls alike, her good heart and sweet smiles always making them feel like they were being graced with the presence of a goddess.

You were the lucky one that got the privilege of calling yourself her best friend but you were still far behind Ymir. Ymir. Every time the two of them interacted together you felt jealousy tug at your heart and even though you hid it well it was still bothering you greatly. There was no chance for you and Christa happening, yet the possessiveness inside you wanted her to be only yours, to the point that you stopped hanging out with her while Ymir was around. It just hurt too much. Maybe that was the reason for your recent rise in times you got injured. It meant being alone with Christa like right now and you would do anything to have more of those moments.

- What is it? You’re spacing out again Y/N. Are you sure you’re alright? - Christa’s worried voice reached you and when you focused on the present, you realised she was closer than before, so close that your noses were brushing. Christa stared into your E/C eyes, searching for something before she pressed her forehead against yours. You could have sworn your heart stopped for a second as a crimson red blush spread across your cheeks, her presence this close to you rendering you speechless - Hmm, you don’t have a fever...but your face is all red! Do you feel lightheaded? Or hot? I can bring you some water, you just have to wait a…

- No! Please don’t go! - you cut her off, unable to stop yourself from reaching out for her as she was about to turn to leave. Your arms wrapped around her middle and you pressed yourself into her stomach with your eyes closed, afraid that if you open them you will have to see her reaction to your sudden outburst. And you didn’t want that. You weren’t usually clingy but today was actually the first day in two weeks that you got to be alone with her. You didn’t want that to end so you just squeezed tighter, holding on so that you could get just a little bit more time with her.

- ...Y/N? Hey, it’s alright. I’m not going to leave, so open your eyes, please? For me? - her warmth and soothing voice calmed you enough to loosen your grip on her but not let go completely. Your heart jumped when you felt her pet your head gently, running her slender fingers through your hair and the gesture made you calm down. You breathed out and slowly tilted your head up to look at her, meeting her light blue eyes that emanated such kindness and warmth - So? Tell me what’s going on, please. I don’t like it when you’re bothered by something. Oh no. Did I do something wrong?

- No! No! It’s not your fault, it’s just that...No, I’m sorry, it’s stupid anyway - you hid your face from her once again but she was quicker than you and before you could successfully bury your head between your arm and her shirt she managed to grab you, squeeshing your cheeks playfully as she made you look up once again.

- Tell. Me. - Christa said in an authoritative tone that was accompanied by a pout and the combination made you smile slightly as you watched her tenderly. Even when she tried to be firm, she was still as cute as ever. If she was going to give you this face, how were you supposed to keep quiet?

- I just...I missed you. Being with you - you managed to get out, ignoring the lingering fear that gripped your heart - We don’t see each other as much as we did with all this training and stuff.

- What do you mean, silly, we see each other everyday! - she gave you the biggest smile she could muster to make you feel better and the butterflies in your stomach danced at the sight.

She was right of course, but that wasn’t what you were talking about and you wanted her not to worry about your weird behavior. Unfortunately, due to her sweet nature, you knew she would do everything in her power to get to the bottom of the problem and help you, so you had to tell her the real reason eventually. You detangled yourself from her form, feeling a sudden wave of courage and confidence wash over you before standing up and grabbing her face in your hands, the same way she did to you just a minute ago. You towered over her and watched as her expression formed into one of surprise.

- I know, but it’s not the same. I meant we don’t see each other like that anymore, just the two of us...I like that. Having you all to myself, I mean - her blue eyes widened at your admission and you couldn’t stop the blush spreading on your cheeks up to your ears, their tips red, betraying your emotions - I like being with you, you know...and I, umm...I mean, maybe I shouldn’t be saying this, but...oh my god, why am I stuttering….I….I’m sorry, I don’t…

Your embarrassing rambling was stopped when you felt Christa’s lips on yours, a state of shock paralyzing your senses that couldn't process what was going on. The softness and sweetness of her lips was all you could focus on and you couldn’t believe this was happening but for now you decided to not dwell on it and simply kiss her back as your heart fluttered in your chest. Your best friend, this beautiful, gentle angel was here in your arms and you couldn’t be happier. This was all you wanted. To your dismay, as soon as you started to move your lips against hers, Christa pulled back quickly and covered her mouth with her hand as her face became red in an instant.

- I’m so sorry Y/N! I don’t know what came over me, you just looked so cute when you rambled so I… - she started to explain herself but was interrupted with the sound of your chuckling. She stared at you for a few seconds before a pout appeared on her face and she stamped her foot on the ground, seemingly irritated - Geez, why are you laughing!

- I’m sorry, I’m sorry! - you managed to get yourself under control and gave her a cheeky smile. Taking a step forward you closed the distance between you two and ruffled her hair, too happy to worry about the possibility of making a mistake - I’m not mad or anything! I like you Christa, so I’m really happy right now.

- Wait, what….? You like...me? - her face became even redder as you leaned in, placing a gentle kiss on her nose and smiling gleefully. She averted her eyes, opting to look at the floor instead and you had to stop yourself from squealing at how cute she was - But I thought...I mean you weren’t hanging out with me as much as we did before and I got worried and then...I realized I like you too?

She almost whispered the last part and you had to focus on what she was saying to hear, but as you did, you felt an immense amount of happiness fill you before you grabbed Christa and lifted her in the air, turning around with her in your arms, her sweet laugh echoing through the room.

- Y/N! Put me down, we’re gonna fall! - she protested but her eyes were closed and she seemed just as happy, her hands squeezing your neck tightly in an attempt to hold herself up. As your head started spinning you thought it was time to stop your twirling before you really fall down, so you slowed down but still kept Christa in your arms, refusing to let her down just yet. She was now as high as you thanks to your hold and it was all so perfect that you couldn’t resist the urge to kiss her again. She squealed against your lips before relaxing in your embrace, her gentle hands tightening her grip on the back of your neck. Both of you smiled into the kiss, happy to finally be together like you were supposed to. You broke the kiss and leaned your forehead against hers, gazing deep into her blue eyes that you grew to love so much during those hard months of training. They were still the same as at the beginning, warm, kind and making you feel like this world might not be so bad after all.

- My sweet darling… - she blushed at your worlds and let go of you to hide her face behind her hands, the tenderness of your words making her heart beat twice as fast, in par with yours.

- Stupid! You’re making me blush, quit it! - you smiled and grinned at her, knowing that this would only be the beginning of your teasing now that you were together. She would learn that soon enough.

- Never, my dear. I like you too much.

- Oh, you. I like you too, dummy...

#aot fanfiction #christa #christa x reader #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #oneshot #snk fanfiction #snk #aot #short #fluff #attack on titan fandom #i'm so bad at writing #i don't have time but i do it anyway #why is she such an angel #historia x reader #historia x y/n #christa x y/n

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hcywards · 4 years

Text

pool — jj maybank

summary: in which y/n finds a stranger floating in her pool

words: 1.7k+

t/w: mentions of abuse, swearing, a make out session

note: y’all seem to really like jj and i cant say that i blame you,,,, so here you go

Y/N frowned, looking out of her window with the confused nervousness of a girl who could see a stranger in their pool at nine in the morning on a Saturday — because she could, and she wasn’t sure why he was there or how he’d managed to get there.

The blonde boy was splayed out across a floatie, one arm covering his face from sight, and Y/N figured he was either asleep or had just woken up. His clothes were soaked — he must’ve gotten fully in the pool at some point, and, despite her fear, Y/N couldn’t help but laugh at the thought of him rolling off of the floatie in the middle of the night.

He didn’t look like he belonged on her side of the island. No, he was definitely a Pogue, and, from what little Y/N could see, an attractive one, too.

But that was besides the point — the point was, there was a stranger in her pool when he hadn’t been the night before, and Y/N wasn’t sure if he was a murderer or not.

She gulped as she tossed on an oversized shirt. not wanting to waste too much time getting dressed and potentially miss him as he got out. She didn’t take her eyes off of him as she backed out of her bedroom, and the second he was out of sight she was whirling, sprinting through the house with her heart hammering in her chest, thoughts clouded as she tried to get back to a place where she could see him again.

By the time she made it out of the house, he was awake, back facing her as he tried to jump out of the deep end of the pool. Y/N watched with fear clogging up her throat, but she eventually managed to get out: “Hey! What the hell are you doing?”

He jumped, falling back into the pool and spluttering as he whirled to face her. Now, Y/N knew for sure that he was attractive, and, under his wide-eyed stare, she couldn’t help but blush.

“Fuck!” he exclaimed, knowing he’d been caught, and he turned away from her again, jumping up and out of the pool and starting to run through Y/N’s yard. Y/N rolled her eyes and began charging after him, and when he stumbled over a football, she managed to catch him, pinning him down to the floor and pulling her phone out from where she’d tucked it inside her bra. He winced as she moved around above him, and she frowned, but didn’t say anything, just stopped moving.

She probably should’ve called the cops sooner, she thought, and she cursed herself internally as she tapped in the three digits.

“Wait!” the blonde boy she had trapped beneath her blurted out, and she looked down at him with an arched eyebrow, thumb hovering over the green button threateningly. “Please, don’t call the cops. I’m sorry.”

“Why would I not call the cops?” Y/N almost snorted. “Please, enlighten me.” He gave her a smirk, and she rolled her eyes, turning back to her phone, and he whined beneath her, before blushing at the realisation of how that’d look to anyone who might’ve been watching.

He’d have to leave that bit out when he told the Pogues about this later, if he didn’t want to be teased about it for the rest of his life.

“Okay, sorry!” he pleaded. “I’m sorry. Please, don’t call the cops.”

“Look, you’re going to have to give me a valid reason,” Y/N stated, and he sighed, nodding.

“Yeah, yeah, I know, me being hot won’t cut it,” he bantered, and she hit him lightly in the ribs, causing pain to flare up across his side, spreading like a wildfire. He let out a yell, and then quickly clamped a hand down over his mouth. Fuck. The girl above him arched her brow even higher, giving him a silent question, and he sighed. How was he going to answer that believably? “Uh. . . I fell down the stairs?”

Y/N sat up a little higher on her knees, so that no part of her body was touching his, and frowned. “Dude, I can tell that you’re lying. Tell me what happened.”

“Why should I? You’re going to call the cops anyway,” JJ responded, but when Y/N just frowned a little more, he sighed. “Okay, I. . . got into a fight with Rafe.”

“Bullshit, the Camerons are on vacation,” she shot back.

JJ groaned, cursing himself for suddenly forgetting how to lie. “Right, they are.” He ran a hand over his face, trying to think of anything else to tell her. “If I told you it was actually Topper I got into a fight with, would you believe me?”

Maybe it was the fact that she was straddling him that was impairing his ability to talk his way out of this. He liked to think that that was the case, though, really, he knew that it was because he’d been crushing on her since the day he first caught a glimpse of her at the Boneyard party a few years ago, laughing and talking with Sarah. Kie had been with them, too, as it’d been on her Kook year. JJ had only looked over to give his friend a grin, but having seen Y/N, he’d immediately forgotten what he was doing.

They’d never had a proper conversation, of course. Every time he was mowing the L/N’s lawn, Y/N was out, and every time he was delivering food to the house, she was upstairs, and every Boneyard party, it was a boy getting drinks from JJ to bring to her. He wasn’t surprised she didn’t recognise him, if he were honest, but that didn’t upset him any less. After all, it kind of hurt to discover that he was nothing but a Pogue to her, when she was the girl he imagined every Touron was, and thought about when he went to sleep, and then again when he woke up.

And of course it had to be her yard he decided to spend the night in.

“No, JJ,” she responded, snapping him out of his thoughts. “I wouldn’t believe you.”

“Great,” JJ muttered to himself, and let out a long, drawn out breath despite the stabbing at his side when he did so. “Okay.” It couldn’t hurt to tell her, right? After all, she didn’t know who he was. How could she tell anyone about it? And it wasn’t as if the cops didn’t already have their suspicions. “It was my dad. That’s why I’m here, actually — to get away from him.”

Y/N sighed, putting her phone down and looking at him closely, wanting to make sure this wasn’t a lie. “That’s a hell of a story, pool boy. I guess I won’t call the cops.”

Neither of them moved for a moment after that, seeming to forget where they were and what they were doing. Y/N couldn’t even feel the water seeping into her shorts, and JJ forgot that she was basically pinning him to the floor, her hands pressing down onto his. However, when he remembered this, all breath seemed to be taken from him, and suddenly he felt his cheeks heat up as he realised their close proximity — and it seemed to be getting smaller, though he was unsure which one of them was leaning in. Perhaps it was both, but suddenly her lips were on his, and his eyes were shut as her hands moved to his hair.

He forgot about his dad, forgot about the pain in his ribs and forgot about anything other than Y/N as his tongue slipped between her lips and his hands moved to pull her onto his lap properly.

This was the exact same as all of his hookups, though it felt nothing like it. It felt right, like he was only ever meant to kiss her, and it felt passionate rather than lust driven, calming and overwhelming all at once. He couldn’t think of anything but her when he kissed her, and he didn’t want to, because, for once, he didn’t have to imagine his lips on hers. And sure, it could’ve been just teenagers being stupid, but it felt like a lot more than that.

She gave his hair a light tug to pull away for air, and he smirked at her. Something inaudible slipped past his lips as he pressed a kiss to her neck, and she cursed quietly, grip on his hair tightening as she let out a gasp. He grinned against her skin at the reaction, never wanting this moment to end. He had to pull away again, though, looking up at her staring down at him with swollen lips and a pout.

Holy fuck, he could get used to this.

“Sorry to ruin the party, but I don’t usually have sex in someone’s backyard,” he joked — in reality, he just didn’t want to take his shirt off and reveal his bruises and scars to her. It wasn’t exactly a turn-on, to say the least.

She nodded, laughing as she stood up and took his hand to pull him up. “I don’t have sex with boys who I don’t know the name of, anyways, stranger.”

JJ laughed at that. “It’s JJ, and I know yours. Y/N.”

Y/N nodded, not even questioning how he knew her name as she lead him into her house. “You need some new clothes, JJ, and I could make breakfast, if you’d like.”

JJ grinned, suddenly aware of how hungry he was. He couldn’t remember the last time he ate. And Kook food? Who was he to turn down such an offer?

“God, I really like you,” he suddenly blurted out, and then his eyes widened as she turned to him with a narrowed-eyed gaze.

She laughed, though, and he nervously laughed with her. “That’s a hell of a declaration coming from someone I’ve just met, but thanks for the gratitude. And it’s nice to know I’m that good of a kisser.”

JJ smiled, a genuine, happy smile, and he felt like a Kook with all of their forgotten troubles. It felt odd to him that, even though he’d only just met her, Y/N was making him feel as lightheaded and carefree as she was, but it felt great, and he didn’t want it to ever stop.

Needless to say, JJ managed to get her number and a few more kisses that day — as well as a plan to meet up the next day, and an offer to stay at hers overnight.

taglist! there is a form in my description if you would like to be added!

@thorsangel @dpaccione @ceruleanjj @thatsonobx @spilledtee @supremestarkey @babypogue @sadcupofcoffee @sacredto @poguemacking @outrbank @ilovejjmaybank @calumbroutledge

#jj maybank #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank x reader #obx jj #outer banks imagine #outer banks #outer banks x reader #obx imagine #obx x reader #obx #popcsheywards

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thrillridesz · 4 years

Text

our song ▫ changmin

➳ pairing: idol!changmin x producer!reader ➳ genre: fluff ➳ word count: 2.1k ➳ requested?: yes

a/n: tbh i wasn’t too sure how to go about this request so i kind of just tried to think of some sort of plot to go with it and hopefully this isn’t trash ><

“Hey, we’re here. Wake up.”

Elbowing the sleeping figure next to him, Younghoon rolled his eyes as the latter shifted in his seat. As the others began to remove their seatbelts and disembark from the vehicle, Changmin rubbed his eyes lazily and barely even noticed how messy the other members were softly holding back their laughs at his atrocious ‘bed’ hair. Bleary-eyed and still relatively half asleep, he peered out the car window to see that the car had stopped outside an unassuming office building.

“Oh? We’re here already?”

“Obviously. Let’s go, sleepyhead,” Haknyeon chuckled, pulling him at his wrist as everyone started to make their way in the building.

Grunting, Changmin practically had to peel himself away from the comfort of his seat and as he plodded heavily behind the other members into the building, he felt like a complete zombie. He was lightheaded from fatigue, his dark circles were darker than ever and his voice was raw from the previous night’s stage. All in all, he was in no mood to participate in any recordings of any sort today. Yet, here he was in the recording studio, feeling like he would rather be anywhere but right there at that exact moment.

Lounging on the couch in the waiting room as the other members chattered amongst themselves, Changmin watched as Younghoon disappeared into the recording room. He could briefly hear faint voices engaged in conversation from behind the door, no doubt exchanging pleasantries before the recording. Resting his head on the wall behind him, Changmin tried to ease himself back into slumberland. This was going to be a long day. Recordings usually take days and having heard the general tune of the new track, this one was definitely no exception. If anything, it might need a longer time to nail.

As he sat, Sangyeon and Chanhee were at a corner; trying to harmonise for the nth time and the frustration was becoming apparent on their face with each passing second. Thank goodness he had already practiced the night before. While the others had been busy catching up on their much needed rest, Changmin had been up singing. He had the tune on loop and at one point, he could have swore he almost sang his voice raw. He never liked going into practice or recording clueless or unprepared.

In a way, it could be both a blessing and a curse. The producers never did take very long with him but it also meant that his own perseverance costed him his rest. Closing his eyes, he mentally recited the lyrics again in his mind, rapping his fingers on the table to create a beat.

“Just gotta follow the beat,” he muttered softly to himself. He barely even noticed it but it wasn’t long before he slipped back into a nap.

A particularly loud shriek pierced through the quiet afternoon and in the tiny waiting room, it sounded even worse. Awaking with a start, he looked around wide eyed at the source of the sound.

“Chanhee, do you plan to scare us to death?” Juyeon asked, picking up his phone from the floor.

“Sorry, you guys.” The culprit apologised, a reddish tint appearing on his cheeks.

Changmin rubbed his face with his palms before gazing up at the clock and did a double take. It’s been a whole hour?

“Who’s in there?”

“Younghoon.” Eric replied matter-of-factly.

“Still?”

“Yeah, not sure why either.” The boy shrugged before turning back to his phone.

Just as he said that, the door creaked open and out stepped Younghoon.

“Really sorry for how long that took! Thank you!”

There was a sheepish expression on his face as he trudged towards the rest and as soon as the door closed behind him, he plopped himself down on the couch with a sigh, causing it to dip down with his weight.

“You guys...”

“What is it?”

“Would you guys believe me if I say the producer is probably the most beautiful person I’ve ever met?”

There were several hoots that followed as someone threw pillow at his face which he blocked, a chuckle escaping from his lips.

“I’m serious!”

“You better be,” Sunwoo retorted, a cheeky grin on his face.

Changmin observed the banter between the other boys with a slight smile. Sometimes, he wondered how he got so lucky to be able to become band mates with these people. Sure, they may be crackheads but they were the best kind of crackheads he could hang out with.

“Ji Changmin?” A soft voice called from the room.

As he stood up, Hyunjae said in a teasing tone, “Help us check if the producer’s really as pretty as Younghoon said.”

“You guys are such weirdos.” Changmin laughed, rolling his eyes.

Stepping into the room, he felt that same sense of awe he had right from the very first time he had entered a recording studio. The sight of the professional mics and sound panel in the room never failed to install a certain of excitement in him. It brought a surreal feeling which he thoroughly enjoyed and immediately, every shred of fatigue in him evaporated.

“Hello! I’m Changmin. I’m really excited to be-”

When he looked up, he suddenly felt his words get caught at the back of his throat. His heart began to beat rapidly and he was almost positive that everyone else could hear it. His outstretched hand was frozen in place all of a sudden and he could feel a shiver run down his spine when you clasped your hands in his to give him a handshake.

“I’m y/n, the producer. Whenever you’re ready, just head into the recording room and we’ll get started.” You shot him a warm smile and he had to hold onto the table to prevent his legs from giving way.

Younghoon really wasn’t lying. You were a complete stunner. Everything about you is exactly his type and he didn’t even know he had a type to begin with.

“Are you ok? You seem a little pale.”

It took Changmin a moment to regain his composure and realise that he had been spacing out. Wishing that he hadn’t been staring, he shook his head quickly and stepped into the recording room. It was like he couldn’t take his eyes off you. The way you swept your hair up into a neat, little ponytail was just about the most elegant thing he had seen. The way your fingers twirled the pen in your hand was suddenly extremely cool to him even though he had seen other people do it loads of time.

“Whenever you’re ready, try singing out verse 3.” You said from the other side of the glass panel, flashing him a thumbs up cue.

Changmin stared at the lyric and music sheets in front of him as he placed the earphones over his ears. The words were starting to look foreign to him and he realised with a start that it was due to his nerves. His heart was still beating as furiously as ever and it was making him disoriented.

He is acting like a teenage boy with a tremendous crush! He really thought he was above all of this but apparently not.

Lifting his gaze up to you, his breath hitched when the two of you made eye contact. He could really get lost in those eyes of yours if he wasn’t more careful. As Changmin began to belt out his part of the song, he realised to his horror that he was going completely off key.

No, no, no. This isn't supposed to happen. He’s supposed to have had it in the bag. He stayed up all night for this for pete’s sake and now it is all out the window just like that. What made it even worse was when he dared to peek up at you and he felt his heart fall with a messy splat at the confused and puzzled expression on your face. The heat was quickly spreading from his neck and up to his cheeks and before long, they were burning.

“Um... I think we should try that again? This time, maybe lower your pitch a little and maybe drag out the last part more.” You said encouragingly but all Changmin could think of was how much he wanted to bury a hole for himself to fall into.

“Are you nervous?”

He whipped his head up to see you standing in front of him with a concerned look, separated by the glass.

“I... I...”

“Take a deep breath,” you said softly, your voice soothing and comforting.

Changmin isn’t usually one to believe in taking deep breaths to sooth his nerves but this time, he did as he was told. As he inhaled, he tried his best to calm his own nerves with his fists clenched at his sides and eyes closed. Exhaling, he opened his eyes to see you looking at him with a smile and immediately, he felt his heart jump.

“Feeling better? Less nervous? You don’t have to be. I get that this track is a little harder to sing so don’t be afraid of making mistakes!”

How can I not be nervous when you’re here?

“Yeah, I guess I am.” A weak smile tugged at his lips.

“Awesome. Let’s get to it.” You chirped and began to reset the sound systems to start the recording again.

As he waited, Changmin couldn’t help but let his eyes follow your every move. What is it about you that has him so smitten? The more he looked at you weirdly, the more he began to feel slightly less jittery. It was as if being with you felt comfortable. He may be anxious but fundamentally, he felt safe around you. It was unlike any of his previous recording sessions whereby the producer would usually stare him down with hardened gaze, always so ready to point out his flaws and criticise him instead of simply telling him. There was an odd sense of calm that suddenly overwhelmed him and when you gave him the cue to sing, he sang.

This time, his voice didn’t waver at all, keeping its steadiness throughout. The words rang clear and crisp in the tiny room and flowed gently to the tune, each pitch brought to perfection just like how he had practiced and perfected. As he sang, he held your gaze and for a moment, it felt like there could have been a karmic connection between the two of you. It was like the two of you were exchanging something passionate just through your stares and it not only emboldend Changmin but it also sent a tingly sensation through his body.

When he finished his verse, you had to look away quickly because of just how intense everything had felt. The way he had looked at you felt so intimate and affectionate that you didn’t know what to do. Sure, you’ve always liked him and he always was one of your favourite members from The Boyz and you may or may not have freaked when you found out you were to work with them but this was different. It felt like the two of you had something for a moment.

“T-That’s great. I think we’ve got it.” You stuttered.

His eyes widened as he asked, “Really?”

“Yes.” You said hastily before adding, “You were amazing but now I think it’s Jacob’s turn.”

Changmin could only smile at your words but internally, he felt a small tinge of paranoia in him. Were you saying that because you didn't want to be around him anymore? Did you think he was weird?

“I don’t think you’re weird at all,” you said in a surprised voice.

Crap. He must have been thinking out loud without even realising it!

“Ah, that’s... that’s good I guess.”

“You were exceptional. Don’t ever think otherwise.” You replied softly, looking away as if you were too shy to look into his eyes.

It took Changmin a moment to register what you had said and when he did, a grin brighter than the sun began to spread across his face.

“Thank you. That means a lot.”

There was a brief silence between the two of you and never in his life had he ever felt a tension so thick in the air. It wasn’t an uncomfortable sort of tension but rather one that made him feel all soft and jelly inside.

You cleared your throat and said, “I’m going to call for Jacob?”

As you reached for the door, Changmin blurted out, “ Can we hang out after this?”

Once the words were out of his mouth, he felt in his heart that those were the very same words he had wanted to say, the very question that had been at the back of his mind the moment he laid eyes on you.

Your heart felt like it was soaring as you turned to him, your cheeks beginning to burn as a small spark of happiness bloomed rapidly in your chest.

“Hang out?”

“Yes,” he smiled and those dimples could have been the death of you if you were a little more flustered. “Hang out together. I’d love to get to know you better, y/n.”

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ladylouoflothlorien · 4 years

Text

Sleeping Desires - Part 1

Bofur x Female Reader Word count: 2018 WARNING: This fic will contain mature themes, absolutely do not read this if you are underage, thank you. (18+ only) Summary: This was affectionately titled “Bofur LEMONS for LUNA???” in my google drive, and I think that’s all you need to understand this. It was born from the idea of Bofur having a crush on (read: utterly all-consuming devotion for) the reader, but thinking that it was unreciprocated until he overhears her having a rather explicit dream. This fic will be a multi-part, potentially 2 but most likely 3, so stay tuned. Additionally, I have turned this into a game of ‘how many euphemisms can I come up with for dwarves?’ This part contains 5, and I’m pretty proud of that.

Bofur settled down with his pipe, back against a tree, as he prepared himself for the long and lonely dark of the middle shift of the night watch. For the earlier shifts, it would not be wholly unusual for other members of the company to still be awake, but by the middle shift the only person not asleep would be the one on watch. That was not to say that Bofur didn’t welcome the solitude. It was true that he was generally a far more outgoing and jovial dwarf than the rest of the motley crew of companions he found himself travelling with, and it was also true that he generally preferred not to be by himself, but there was another truth that he had come to find in recent months; some things are far easier to indulge in when there are no prying eyes to catch you at it.

Now, the particular indulgence that had led to this realisation was not at all a shameful one - leastways not in his estimation of the word - but he had his own reasoning for wanting it to be private all the same.

Bofur took a long drag of his pipe and slowly exhaled the smoke, watching the grey tendrils climb higher and higher before disappearing altogether, and then he finally turned his gaze to the human woman curled up in her bedroll beside him. It was sweet, he thought, how she seemed to have this habit of making herself smaller as she slept, tucking her legs up until the lump created by her sleeping form appeared not all that dissimilar in size to a dwarrowdam. Most dwarrow he knew tended to stretch themselves out when they slept, making themselves look as big as possible. The dwarf thought back as he had done many times to the moment Gandalf had introduced the woman to their company, claiming she’d been sent by the grace of the Valar from another world to assist them in their quest. Gandalf had not specified which of the Valar had been involved in that decision, though if Bofur had to hazard a guess, he’d say it was most likely Mahal scheming to get one of his own married off, for Durin himself knew Bofur would wife her if he had the chance.

But Bofur did not think he would. He knew his own merits as a Dwarf to be sure, and he knew he was a long way off unattractive - both in his looks and his merry personality - but he also knew that he was judging himself on the standards of his own kind. He had no idea what would or would not be appealing to a human woman.

His infatuation for the woman was the source of his new indulgence, which was essentially to gaze upon her most comely form as much as was dwarvenly possible. His desire to keep this indulgence a secret came from his belief that she very likely did not feel the same. As long as none of the other dwarves picked up on what he was doing, he could avoid both the embarrassment she would feel at having to - no doubt - politely but firmly decline his interest and the humiliation that would follow for himself at being rejected in a place where he would be stuck without a place to hide and lick his metaphorical wounds.

Tonight he had placed his bedroll beside hers - though at a respectable distance apart - and he had set up for watch against the tree that brought him still closer to her. He did not do this as often as he would like, for he was incredibly conscious that if he did so it would be noticed by at least one other member of the company. What would then follow would be relentless teasing, and then no doubt his secret would be outed to all. No, Bofur was very content to merely snatch the few precious moments he could to gaze upon the woman in complete secrecy and thereby forego the risk of discovery.

Bofur was torn from his current line of thought by a quiet groan, and after a moment he realised it had come from the very woman occupying the entirety of the free space in his brain. The dwarf frowned. Was she in pain? Was she having a nightmare? Normally she was very quiet when she slept, turning or shifting her position maybe once or twice throughout the night. It was a stark contrast from the dwarves who kicked and flailed and snored loud enough to rattle the tiles off a roof - that is, if there was a roof over their heads, which more often than not on the journey there hadn’t been. The woman rolled over onto her back, and only then did Bofur notice the flush on her cheeks and the furrow between her brows. He felt a cold pit in his stomach, naturally assuming that she had caught a fever, but then her fingers loosely fisted the thin fabric of her blanket and her plump lips parted to let out a quiet but distinct moan. Bofur froze. Or at least, most of him did. Beneath the fabric of his breeches, his treacherous Dwarven steel twitched slightly. The dwarf swallowed and tried not to think on it, forcing his body to relax somewhat and pretend he hadn’t heard anything. The lass was sleeping, and the sound had not been meant for him, he would not dishonour her by pretending that it was. Still, he could not take his eyes off her, and guiltily drank in the sight of her squirming under her covers. Bofur did not think he would ever be granted a more wondrous sight, and so he could hardly be blamed for not averting his eyes. Besides… Whatever line of thought he’d been about to pursue, it was completely halted when the woman’s lips parted once more. “O-Oh, Bofur…” The sheer speed at which a certain part of his body stood to attention was frankly impressive. Up until that point, though the substance of her dream had been fairly clear, he’d had no indication of who exactly she’d been dreaming of. Now it seemed as though he had confirmation that she was dreaming of him. Bofur couldn’t quite believe it, but then she moaned his name again, and Bofur was really, really trying not to watch the swell of her generous breasts as her quickened breath made them rise and fall more dramatically than usual. Bofur was used to dwarrowdams, who had little more than was strictly necessary to nurse a child…

The Dwarf looked away suddenly, blushing, and feeling rather like a voyeur even though he hadn’t - and could not have - expected that this would happen when he settled down beside her. But then he could hear the sound of her shifting against her sheets, continuing to whine softly under her breath, and he had to look back. Bofur was startled to see that all her shifting about had brought her blanket down around her waist and oh sweet Durin’s Beard this was too much. The strings holding her blouse closed had loosened, allowing the shirt open, and the dwarf was only barely saved from - or maybe robbed of - a glimpse at her pert nipples. His miner’s mattock was rock hard, straining against his breeches and practically begging for some attention, and Bofur had to fist his hands against the dirt to stop himself from doing just that. Bofur refused to get himself off to the dreaming woman. If there was one thing he wasn’t, it was a pervert. Oh, he might’ve gotten himself off quietly thinking of her once or twice - or maybe more than that - but he was certain that there was a line, however thin, between thinking of her whilst he did so and actually doing it with her sleeping form right beside him, letting out little sounds that were not truly meant for him to hear… even if they were meant for a version of him in her dreams.

Oh Mahal she was dreaming of him. The reality of that hit him again, and he had to thud his head back firmly against the tree at his back to clear his mind of any mental imagery the thought conjured. The woman herself wasn’t exactly being helpful. Bofur didn’t quite have the strength to look away, and he could see her hips writhing so aggressively he was truly impressed she hadn't jolted herself awake by now. The miner had to quickly swallow a groan when he looked at her expression again, with her face contorted in pleasure and her bottom lip swollen slightly from being bitten. Suddenly, she threw her head back and her lips parted in a silent scream as her thighs shook violently, and then she slumped back down against her bedroll, panting like she’d just been running. It took Bofur’s mind a second to catch up with what had actually happened before he realised that she had just had a real orgasm from a dream about him, but when it finally clicked the amount of blood that rushed downwards made him so lightheaded he had to plant his palms firmly against the ground to stop himself from falling to the side. The woman groaned softly in obvious contentment, and rolled onto her side, now facing his direction.

“Mmmm, warn a girl before fucking her senseless why don’t you…”

Now, Bofur really hadn’t needed that. It was honestly a wonder that her words hadn’t made him cum right then and there. After a moment he noticed that his own breathing was almost as fast as hers had been, and he took a few deep breaths in an attempt to calm himself. It didn’t really work.

About 20 minutes later, when Bofur was sure the woman was actually sleeping properly and wouldn’t be putting on the same display for anyone else, he woke up the dwarf who would be relieving him from his shift on watch; Oin. In all that time, his spear had remained upright, trying to poke through his clothing. A rather unfortunate truth began to dawn on him when he settled down in his own bedroll and attempted to sleep - he wouldn’t be getting any rest until he took care of his little problem and polished his sword. He was ridiculously grateful that it was Oin on watch, as the old dwarf was certain to get tired of holding up his ear trumpet at some point, and when he did he wouldn’t be able to hear the kinds of quiet sounds Bofur would be making and attempting to muffle. Sure enough a few minutes later, the trumpet was lowered, and as surreptitiously as possible Bofur snatched his hat off his head to use as a cover over his mouth in case he wasn’t quite able to catch all his groans in his throat. One hand shakily slipped down into his breeches, fingers curling firmly around the handle of his axe. It was difficult, but he managed to force his hips to remain still as he brought himself to completion quickly, knowing that Oin would likely notice if he moved around too much. He stubbornly tried not to think of the woman, but the tighter his pleasure coiled in his belly the more his mind strayed to her face, thrown back during the height of her passionate dream. In the end, he guiltily visualised her, trying to imagine just what exactly she had dreamt about. It didn’t take him long to spill over his hand, and he cleaned himself up as best as he could with a spare undershirt that already badly needed cleaning. Bofur fixed his hat back on his head, and though he supposed he should really be embarrassed with what he’d just done, he wasn’t. He was certain Oin hadn’t noticed after all, Mahal bless him. Bofur shuffled around on his bedroll until he found a comfortable position and it didn’t take long before his eyes closed and a peaceful sleep claimed him for the rest of the night. Forever Tags: @sweeticedtea @cd1242 @strongandfreedc @pixierox101 @jotink78 @luna-xial @underthemoon-n

#Bofur x reader #female reader #bofur x female reader #the hobbit #why did it take me this long to write for bofur what the acTUAL fuCK

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bookofjudith · 4 years

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I received this LOVELY ficlet set in the same AU as ‘a cardinal hits the window’, and it made me cry. thank you so much anon for sending it to me!

_________

Hi! So. I love your fanfic so much. And I was reading through the comments/threats posted on “Cardinal” and saw one that made a suggestion for a fic set in the same universe that involved Zuko. And the plot bunny attacked. So here it is; self-indulgent and un-edited. Please don’t feel obligated to post this at all! It’s just a thank you for all you’ve written. On the other hand, please feel free to throw this up wherever you want, and to make any changes at all to it. From this point on, it’s fully, 100% yours to do with as you please. May your weekend be lovely!

Warnings: Brief mentions of past character deaths, mentions of injury, mentions of surgery and other hospital things, mentions of child abuse.

It always took long enough for Iroh to register that he was hearing his own mobile phone ringing – there was just always so much background noise in the Jasmine Dragon that he had learned to tune everything but the landline and the words ‘excuse me’ and his name out completely – that it stopped before he got to answer it. Usually, when that happened, he let it be; there was no point dropping things to dive for a call he’d already missed, anyway. But, that afternoon, the phone started up again almost as soon as the last call had died down, and the ringing was close enough to the first that he noticed. Still, by the time he’d carefully set the trays down and fished the device from his pocket, it was silent again. Iroh peered at the screen and felt his eyebrows raise even as his heart clenched suddenly. He had no fewer than eleven missed calls – four from Sokka, and seven from Katara.

The landline rang, but Iroh called for Jin to please answer it, his fingers slow but determined on the phone screen before him. Something was wrong; he could feel it in the very blood his thudding heart was pumping around his body. Something was wrong, because Katara and Sokka wouldn’t be that adamant to get hold of him if it wasn’t. And, oh, hadn’t he had a premonition of ill omens the evening before, when Zuko had asked him to swap out his shift at the Dragon last minute but then had been cagey about why? He should have pressed for more information; should have forced Zuko to tell him why he couldn’t meet his eyes as he mumbled out weak excuses. Meeting somebody who can only make that time Zuko had said. Katara’s coming with. Iroh shouldn’t have let that appease him; shouldn’t have been mollified by the young woman’s presence just because she and Zuko had made such surprising, strong friends in the past few years after their initial rocky start. He should have done more than warn Zuko to take care of Katara, not yet fifteen and therefore more Zuko’s responsibility than any of his other friends, and should have not been so easily reassured by Zuko’s offence at the insinuation that he wouldn’t do all in his power to ensure all those he cared about were safe, but especially the younger ones. He should have –

“Iroh!” Jin stuck her head around the door. “The phone’s for you. It’s Katara. And it sounds urgent.”

Iroh abandoned his attempts to call one of the siblings back and instead half ran to the phone. “Katara?”

“Uncle,” Katara sobbed, her breathing harsh and full of tears. Ice began filling Iroh’s veins as sweat broke out all over him. “Uncle you – you have to come quick.”

“Katara, what happened?”

“You have to get to the h…hospital,” Katara sobbed. “It’s Zuko.”

Iroh’s heart nearly stopped beating on the spot, and he hung up without a proper goodbye.

***

Iroh’s heart didn’t stop beating. But Zuko’s had. If Katara, with her first aid certification, hadn’t been there… If the ambulance hadn’t arrived before he’d crashed a second time…

He’d promised himself, when he’d lost Lu Ten, that he’d never take for granted the spaces a beloved son filled inside his heart and his chest. Never again would he only notice how full he had been because there was suddenly emptiness there. But, despite his promises, he must have still forgotten, because sitting in an uncomfortable waiting room chair while Zuko’s life hung in the balance of the spirits’ and the doctors’ hands, all he could see was the approaching emptiness. What life would be like without Zuko. And he was too numb to even cry.

From Katara, he’d learned this: Zuko had made plans to meet with Azula, to try and convince her to leave Ozai to come to stay with them. He’d been hopeful enough to drop everything to see her, but wary enough that he’d brought Katara along with him as backup. It had started out almost hopeful; Azula had swung between scorn and doubt, between spite and near-broken uncertainty, and Zuko had seemed to really be getting through to her, for once. And then something had changed, and she’d gone on the offensive, dragging Zuko into a fight that had grown worse and worse until Zuko had firmly chosen to walk away. He had told her, out loud, that he was not going to be the person Ozai had tried to make him, that she could contact him if she needed anything or if she was ready to talk, and had begun to walk away. Azula hadn’t liked being left behind. Something in her seemed to snap, and she kept trying to force Zuko to stay. Katara had stepped in, realising it would be easier for her, an outside party, to respond to Azula than it would be for Zuko. Azula had been merciless with her, but Katara had stood her ground. And then Azula had, so quickly Katara still couldn’t understand how or why, brought out a Taser. Zuko had done what he always did – what Iroh had known he would do without thinking about it even as he’d reminded Zuko to take care of Katara: he’d stepped between his friend and harm.

Zuko had gone down, and hadn’t gotten up again, and Azula had zapped him once more in her rage. Katara had shoved Azula off and somehow disarmed her and then fallen to Zuko’s side and had found him unresponsive but panting. And then… then there had been nothing. She couldn’t tell Iroh exactly what had happened after that, but somehow she’d called Sokka on autopilot, and he and Suki had dropped everything to rush over, calling the ambulance as they came. Azula had… disappeared. Katara thought she remembered yelling at Azula to call somebody, and seeing only a face white with shock and horror, staring at her brother’s fallen form. But she couldn’t be sure what had really happened in those moments.

From the doctors, Iroh had learned this: much of Ozai’s complaining about how Zuko was never as fast or strong or energetic or full of endurance as Azula was down to a congenital heart defect. Nobody had picked it up (or so they said, but in Iroh’s head rang Ozai’s voice spitting that Zuko had been lucky to be born) and it had steadily worsened over time, never getting bad enough that it was more than an inconvenience. He would have had mild heart palpitations from time to time, the doctors said. Probably not painful if Zuko had never said anything, the doctors said (but Iroh knew better, he knew his nephew he knew and, oh, Zuko, what more suffering had been kept a secret?). They couldn’t know for sure without a diagnoses, but the worse symptoms would have been that he tired easily, got breathless and/or lightheaded occasionally and had a slightly more rapid heartbeat. Inconvenient, but not truly dangerous. Not until the Taser had been applied directly to his chest.

From the kind nurses he would have flirted with, slightly, if his world wasn’t on the brink of ending, he learned the following: they were doing all they could to fix the underlying damage as well as the damage the Taser had done. They’d tried doing a non-invasive route, first, but had had to resort to opening up his chest. They’d tell him once they heard any other news, they promised.

Katara, Sokka and Suki had been there for an undetermined bit of time at the beginning. Katara, despite being tear-swollen and devastated, hadn’t wanted to leave until she was sure Zuko would be okay, despite the nurses trying to gently but firmly tell her only family was allowed. He is family, she’d snarled at one point, and Iroh had almost had the energy to side with her against the nurse, who hadn’t understood just how true Katara’s words were. Eventually, it had been Sokka who had convinced his little sister to leave. Iroh hadn’t seen it at the time, but sitting in the aching, black eternity of waiting, he suddenly put together the clues he hadn’t recognised before: this hospital haunted that young man in a way that was still viscerally painful. Too much time with his friend who had only recently passed. Too many ghosts, and far too much pain, and his inability to stay, even for Zuko, had finally broken through his little sister’s stubborn fear-love enough for her to agree to leave for the time being. Iroh might have imagined it, but they could possibly have said they’d gather the whole group together in order to wait for news.

It was one of the most coherent things Iroh thought about in that ceaseless agony. The rest of his thoughts were far more incoherent, with only brief flashes of lucidity. No, don’t call his father, I’m his guardian. I will not let his father near him, was the longest sentence he said out loud. The rest were monosyllabic responses coaxed out of some automatic part of himself while his true nature hunkered down like a wounded animal, believing that if he was just quiet and still enough the pain wouldn’t find him a second time.

That wounded animal also had teeth, however, and it bared them in his mind. Why hadn’t a single doctor in the burn unit picked up the heart problems? Zuko had been in their care for months. Why hadn’t Ursa? Why hadn’t Iroh himself? Why hadn’t Zuko just said something? How often had he said I’m tired and meant that his body was unable, unable, unable to do what the world was demanding of it? Why had Zuko gone to meet Azula in the first place, with only Katara with him? Zuko should know by now what a poisonous woman Ozai had made his daughter into. A Taser. Her own brother. Could he arrest her for it? Could he make sure that Azula never again hurt another person? Could he punish her for what she’d done, the way Ozai had punished Zuko so many times?

Shame made him lucid. Shame and guilt and a bowed head of silent apology to his niece. But, even as he meant it, he also did not. There would be time to truly repent for the things he felt toward Azula in those long moments, but that time would come after. He simply… did not have the capacity to forgive and see reason and compassion for his as-abused niece while his nephew – his son, his Zuko – possibly lay dying. Those moments turned him back into the man he’d spent years growing away from after Lu Ten’s death, because, as much as he’d genuinely changed and fought for that change, he was only human. More than that; he was Ozai’s kin.

That shame in him made him think, as the tired doctor walked toward him, that the universe would punish him the same way twice. And all he could think, distorted and desperate, was, please don’t kill him for my transgressions. Nor for Ozai’s or even Azula’s. Please. You’ve done enough. He’s paid enough. He’s done enough reparations for himself that he doesn’t deserve this.

From the tired doctor, Iroh learned this: he was still allowed to keep this son.

Crying loudly in the middle of the hospital was not one of the things Iroh would feel shame about in the days to come.

***

Sweet talking and bribing all the nurses not only meant that Iroh could stay past visiting hours but that he could sneak Zuko’s friends in past the family only rule. Zuko would only be kept in the hospital for a week before being discharged to heal at home, but the kids couldn’t wait that long to see him, and Iroh understood their anxiety. They’d been told to limit it to two at a time, and Katara was almost always one of the two. Some of her tenacity being at Zuko’s side was born of guilt and processing the trauma she’d been through, Iroh knew, but most of it was that near-nameless understanding that had dropped between the two of them, sometime Iroh hadn’t been looking. Suki was second most frequent, Aang and Toph were tied and Sokka… Sokka barely came. Iroh was nearly as anxious to get Zuko home for Sokka’s sake as he was for his own and Zuko’s, because it was obvious that Sokka wanted to be there for Zuko, but just as obvious that the hospital killed him inside.

“It… smells the same,” he’d confessed to Iroh, looking haunted and on the verge of tears.

Zuko whispered something similar to Iroh when he was most inhibited; when calm and focus couldn’t stop the memories of the burn unit from encroaching. That morning, Iroh had found his nephew in one of those moods – anxious enough he was making the nurses frown at his heart rate and anxious enough to snap and snarl to try and get them to stop poking, stop demanding, stop keeping him there – and so he’d made a big show of going to get Zuko his favourite food. It hadn’t helped, much, but it had helped Zuko get his tongue under control a little bit more. Iroh returned with the food to hear murmurs from inside Zuko’s closed curtains, and so he paused and took a peek inside before entering.

Katara was on Zuko’s hospital bed, curled carefully on his left side so that she didn’t jostle or lean on Zuko’s still very broken sternum. One hand was in his hair, and Iroh realised that she was guarding his weaker side as Iroh himself had subtly tried to do countless times. Having somebody trusted there helped Zuko to relax more, and she knew this. Sokka was the other one in the room, and, although he was still in a chair, it was pushed so close to the bed his knees were up to his chest. He was holding Zuko’s hand, and looking utterly unperturbed by that fact.

The most surprising thing was that Zuko was the one speaking; murmuring reassurances and comforts to both of them in a voice still weak and breathy and more raspy than usual. It’s fine. I’m fine. Everything’s going to be fine. You’re both okay. Thank you, Katara. Sokka, buddy, hey… Hey…

Iroh backed away. It wasn’t for him to see. It tasted bittersweet in a sharp way he wasn’t sure he’d ever really experienced, before; Zuko reassuring a friend who had saved his life and a friend who hated hospitals because he’d lost love slowly, painfully, inevitably inside of one. Zuko, surrounded by so much love, this time around, when the first time he’d been so alone and small and quiet and heartbrokenly enraged in a similar bed. That young boy hadn’t even had the pieces to comfort himself, let alone others. And here Zuko was now, being comforted and giving out comfort. Without tripping over himself, without second-guessing, without embarrassment, because that love had become second-nature.

In that moment, Iroh truly began to repent for what he’d thought about his niece. Because he understood all too well why Zuko had gone to meet Azula, and why, even after all this, he’d never stop trying to coax his sister into a proper home.

***

The tense, anxious mood relaxed slightly when Toph began to cackle out of nowhere. “How much does this suck, eh?” she giggled at Zuko.

Zuko rolled his eyes, even though she wouldn’t be able to see it, pinned between Suki and Sokka, who were each gripping an elbow, and hemmed in by Iroh and Katara in the front and Aang at the back, ready to catch him if he fell.

“If I ever coddle you like this, push me down these stairs,” Zuko grumbled at her.

“It’s a deal,” Toph said, cheerfully, even as Suki gently – very gently – flicked Zuko with her free hand.

Katara put her hands on her hips. “Say that without panting or wheezing and when you don’t look white enough to pass out and it might have more weight,” she said, primly.

But they did all ease up some as they continued to slowly shepherd Zuko to Iroh’s apartment. There was no elevator, and the stairs were steep, and despite the fact that they might have been a little over-protective, it was hard going on Zuko’s broken chest and still-healing heart. And so they all stuck close, and caught him when he staggered a little, very careful of his broken bits, and finally managed to ease him down onto the sofa. Zuko’s eye widened a little as he looked up and caught them all looming over him, very close, all huddled together.

“Holy shit, you guys – ” he started, sounding exasperated.

“Okay, okay, yeah, back up and give the dude some space.”

Everybody shuffled maybe a step or two away. Suki kept her eyes carefully on Zuko’s face, noting the things Iroh himself was picking up. Suki met Iroh’s eyes and pursed her lips a little before venturing forward with, “Hey… if you want us to rather go and come back tomorrow…”

Zuko blinked at her. “I thought we were watching shitty movies,” he said, in confusion.

“Yeah, but… if you’d rather sleep,” Katara said, catching on.

Sokka let out a rude noise. “Then he can sleep. But, dude, Movie Night Rules apply to you, too, so if you’re the first to go you know you’ll wake up with a Sharpie ‘stash.”

“As long as Toph doesn’t draw it,” Zuko said, and Toph happily flipped him the bird.

Still, Suki met Iroh’s eyes one more time, seeking permission. Iroh smiled warmly at her and made a gently, slowly motion with his hands where Zuko couldn’t see. And so the group arranged themselves, snacks and extra pillows – most of them for Zuko – and set up Toph’s state-of-the-art laptop. Sokka sat to Zuko’s one side, Suki on the other with her leg casually over Zuko’s, both of them as close as they could be without hurting. Toph and Aang sprawled on a futon nearest the laptop, while Katara had a beanbag chair set up so that her back could press against Zuko’s legs while her legs could be used for Aang to lounge against.

Iroh persisted until he captured a great photo of the moment, because he wanted to remember what quiet, strong love looked like for many days to come.

“Who wants tea?” he called as the opening credits started, and he knew their grunts enough to know who had answered and what, exactly to get each of them.

He, just like Zuko, was also no longer alone.

#gift fic #Anonymous #a cardinal hits the window #every part where u mentioned sokka made me tear up HONESTLY #also galaxy brain anon giving zuko heart problems cus like...ive done the same thing....something about it just hits different #submission

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simsadventures · 5 years

Text

Better Like This: Chapter 14: Now You’re Here

Summary: You deal with the newly remembered memories worse than you expected, and you silently wish you never remembered some parts in the first place. But Bucky’s by your side to remind you of your value.

Warnings: little angst, PTSD, anxiety, scenting, a/b/o dynamics, fluff- a lot of fluff, implied smut

Word Count: 2034 A/N: We’re nearing the end so quickly you guys! Thank you so much for sticking with me, love you all so so much!!!

Series Masterlist __ Masterlist

< Previous Chapter

At first, everything was a blur of images, colours and emotions. But then, as if suddenly something snapped inside you, you saw clearly. And it hit you, one memory after another. You felt as if you were in a ring with Muhammad Ali, getting punched left and right, but unlike in a real match, you couldn’t leave. You were trapped inside your own body, forever to be with your memories.

Not that you hated every single one. Not at all. You also remembered the happy times, your family, your friends, all the funny moments at school, or dining and gossiping with Wanda and Vis. Or the moment you first smelled Bucky’s scent, the first moment you realised that the true mate myths weren’t a myth at all and that you wouldn’t be forever alone. That there was somebody made specifically for you.

But then the bad ones came, not only the recent ones with Amber, but also the ones from Police Academy, or your previous unit. All the bullying for who you were, all those harsh words that you tried to put behind you came rushing towards like a truck.

You couldn’t even describe what you were feeling. You wanted this. You prayed for this to happen. And when it finally came, all you wanted was to shut those memories in a closet and keep only those that you wanted.

Bucky was sitting next to you on the bed, holding your hand, waiting for you to say something, to do something, but you just didn’t have the power. Your mind was flooded with all the colours, and you felt like drowning. You suddenly gripped your throat at the memory of Amber choking the life of you, trying to breathe properly. But the memory was so vivid that your own breath was hitching and you could feel yourself growing a little lightheaded.

“Breathe, doll, just breathe, ok? You’re ok now, you’re here with me, and I’m not going anywhere.” Bucky told you in a hushed voice, probably not to scare you even more than you already were. “Here, breathe with me. In-out-in-out-in-“

You tried to concentrate solely on Bucky’s voice, opening your eyes to look into those eyes that you grew to love so much. You breathed with him, and after a while, you could feel your heart rate going back to normal, and your breathing being more on the normal side too. You gripped Bucky’s hand tightly and closed your eyes again.

“Don’t go anywhere, please, Bucky, I know you gotta go to work, but please don’t leave me here alone. I can’t be-“

He shushed you by hugging you tightly while you cried on his shoulder. The stream of tears seemed to be unstoppable, but you felt like you needed it. Needed it to let it all out of your system. To relieve your heart and mind at least a little.

“I’m not going anywhere, Y/N. I made that mistake once, and I’m not gonna do it again. Look at me,” he said, put both his hands on each side of your head and raised it gently. “I’m so fucking sorry, love, that I left you all alone, that I didn’t stay with you, or that I didn’t take you with me! I will never forgive my-“

It was your turn to shush him this time. You simply put your hand on his mouth to prevent him from talking and wiped one stray tear on his cheek.

“None of it is your fault, Bucky. I know you think that because I was alone in your flat, she had an easier path to me. But trust me when I say that she’d find a way anyhow. She is a sick person. If she didn’t abduct me that day, it could have been two days after that, on my way to another crime scene, or something. She would have found a way regardless of you. Please, please don’t even think it’s your fault.”

“But she is my ex-girlfriend, Omega, she attacked you because of me!” Bucky pulled away a little, his chest rising and falling a little more frequently than you liked. Just then you realised, that ever since you woke without your memory, Bucky wasn’t able to scent you and that it had to be taking all of his will power not to sniffle at your mark.

You slowly pushed your hard away from your neck and angled your head so that Bucky would have an easier path to your mark. You put a hand on his thigh gently and said, “would you like to scent me, Alpha?”

Just you saying his title made him snap your head towards your neck, watching the now healed scar with sudden interest. “Only if you are 100% comfortable with me doing that. I can wait another few days, Y/N. I just want you to feel good.”

You wanted to cry again, but this time because your Alpha was the most considerate man you’ve ever encountered. He never pushed you into something you didn’t want, and even if he was an asshole when you met, his attitude changed dramatically, and he was the best thing that happened to you.

“Come here!” you growled playfully, and Bucky didn’t need any other persuasion, as he pretty much jumped at you, resulting in your back hitting the mattress. He didn’t seem to mind as he snuggled his face into the crook of your neck and inhaled deeply. You could feel his whole body shudder from the intensity of his inhale. At the same time, you could feel his entire body relaxing, the tension suddenly melting away.

“I’m ok, Alpha. I’m here with you, and you’re not getting rid of me anytime soon!” You whispered lovingly into his hair. You could feel him lick the mark, but then he stopped and looked into your eyes. “I love you so fucking much sweetheart. I thought I lost you for a second there, and I don’t know what I’d do without you here.”

“Let’s not think about that. I might be a little roughed up, but I’m still standing, and some bitch can’t bring me to my knees.”

Bucky kissed your forehead and looked at you lovingly. You could have stayed there, staring into Bucky’s intense eyes for the rest of your days if his phone didn’t ring. He sighed, stroke your cheek and got up to see who was ruining this moment for the two of you.

“Steve, hey!” Bucky said and listened to everything Steve had to say. He just hummed here and there, but otherwise kept quiet. “Oh, yeah, I almost forgot, Y/N remembers everything now. Yeah, I know, it’s great, can you tell the rest of the team so they wouldn’t worry too much? Great, thanks, will do, you too, Bye!”

“What did Steve want?”

“Just the usual, nothing to worry about.” You could see right through him. He was withholding some information from you! “James Buchanan Barnes! What did Steve really want?” You said and crossed your arms on your chest.

Bucky huffed out, looked at you pleadingly, but when he saw that there was no way around it, he just rolled his eyes and put his hand on your knee. You weren’t sure if he did it to ground you or him.

“Amber told Tony about three other girls she killed but hid their bodies well enough. Well, the team went to see if the bodies were really there, and indeed, they found three young women killed in the way that matches Amber’s MO. He just called me to say she was going for a trial, but that it was a no-brainer.”

You thought about it for a minute. As much as you never wanted to hear her name again, you were relieved that the team got her and that she was no threat to you nor anyone else in New York City.

“Good, I hope she’ll rot in hell! Is there anything I can do to help convict her?”

“NO!” Bucky said a little too loud, and it made you jump a little. “I’m sorry, doll, just the thought of you being in the same room as her makes my blood boil. But I mean it, you don’t have to do anything. Steve’s got a written confession, so nobody’s gonna put you through that. And even if they wanted to, I wouldn’t let them!”

You shook your head at his protectiveness, but it made you smile a little too. It must have been hell for him the last few days, first you not being where he left you, and then the whole thing with your amnesia. You could see that it took quite a toll on him as well. The dark circled under his eyes from always sleeping in the hospital next to you. His skin was a little paler too, and you could have sworn he lost some weight.

Pff, you’d make sure he’d gain his weight back and that he wouldn’t have to be so tired anymore.

“Come here, you big bad wolf! Let’s have another nap, shall we? I think we both need it.” You laid down and tapped the place right behind your for Bucky to spoon you. He gulped hard, started to crawl towards you, but then stopped mid-crawl, and set back on his heels.

“I don’t think I can doll, what if someone comes and-“

“Bucky! Nobody is coming for you or for me. We both need a good sleep, so get your cute ass here, spoon the hell out of me, and we can worry about the world when we’re actually able to function. Ok?”

He knew there was no point of arguing with you, so he just lowered his head and crawled behind you just as he should have. You fell to a beautiful slumber.

Until it wasn’t so beautiful anymore.

You felt as if your whole face was on fire, and there was something squeezing your waist. You tried to get free, but the thing wouldn’t budge. You started tossing, trying to get free, trying to breathe, but it was harder and harder for you. You could feel the phantom of a hand on your throat and yelled.

Bucky almost got a heart attack. He was peacefully sleeping next to you, a good resting sleep after all those restless nights when suddenly he could feel you turning and trying to get his arm from your stomach. He didn’t understand what was happening, his brain still foggy with the sleep, so before he could realise what was probably on your mind, you yelled so loudly he almost went deaf.

“Shhh, Y/N, you’re home, you’re ok, love! Look at me, hey, look at me, Y/N! You’re safe!”

You blinked hard a few times before you shook your head with the realisation that you were in no grave danger. It was just your brain playing dirty tricks on you. You were still shaking from the feeling of not being able to breathe again.

“I couldn’t breathe, Bucky, she was just… I just couldn’t, and she wouldn’t let go and I only-“

You were panicking, and you had every right to. The shit you went through would shake with an experienced soldier, let alone with someone who never was in such an intense situation.

“I know, doll, I know. But you will never have to go through such thing again, I promise you that!”

“I know, I just… can’t shake the feeling of her hands on my body, you know?”

You wanted to get rid of that image, and an idea occurred to you. You grabbed the hem of Bucky’s shirt and pulled him closer to you, so you could feel his hot breath on your cheek.

“Make those memories go away, Bucky, please, just for a bit.”

He looked confused as if he didn’t know what you were asking, but because just the idea made slick pool in your nether regions, he quickly caught the scent of you.

“Doll… If we start this, I won’t be able to stop. I had missed you terribly and if we-“

You didn’t let him finish and just brought him in for a passionate kiss.

/ Next Chapter >

Better Like This Tags:

@kneel-begyourpardon @starkrobb @crazybutconfidentaf @waiting4inspiration @boxofteenageideas @hiken-no-stark @get0verit @mywinterwolf @cat-of-your-eye @iheartsebastianstan @slender--spirit @this-is-serenaa @henderwhore4life @owlyannah @rohaintahquil @libbymouse @chubby-dumplin @dumblani @laughsandlivia @kiki5283 @rippedpiece @marvellover1819 @barbar126 @p8tn0lish @atomicfandombomb @queen-of-elves @benditlikegumby @queen-of-nerdiness @daydreamerinadazedworld @kenzieam @bbmommy0902 @eteramfools @sunshine-2324 @dyanna-corona @carlya65 @supermassiveblackhope @eileenalone @thewackywriter @noseyrosey1597 @nerdy-bookworm-1998

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whatdidimissjm · 4 years

Note

Could you do a soulmate au with hamilton and Jefferson?

I´m sorry I took so long, I wanted to edit it yesterday, but I was too dead from work haha

I loved writing this and I hope you like it too and thanks for the request!💕

Alex is glad when he finally gets home from work, which isn´t like him at all. Normally he´s happy to be there, but today he met his new co-worker. Thomas Jefferson. He was excited at first to meet him, having heard good things about him from their mutual friend James Madison as well as from Washington himself. What both of them forgot to mention though, was what an absolute arrogant asshole the Virginian was. Alex can feel anger starting to boil inside him as he thinks about their first meeting today. He clenches his fists unconsciously, shaking his head, when he realises he´s doing it. Jefferson shouldn´t bother him that much, and he definitely shouldn´t let him ruin his evening. He lets out a sigh, heading to the bathroom to take a shower, which will hopefully calm him down a bit. He quickly strips out of his clothes and steps into the shower, closing his eyes as the warm water hits his skin. He feels the anger and stress from today slowly melting away and just enjoys the moment. Reluctantly, he opens his eyes again, after a few minutes, blinking against the light. He reaches for the bottle of shampoo and just as his hand closes around the bottle, he catches a glimpse of something black on his inner wrist.

He frowns, turning the arm around to get a closer look at it. Alex drops the bottle of shampoo almost instantly, jumping back in surprise. He hits his head on the glass wall of the shower, but doesn´t pay any attention to the pain, instead staring in shock at the name of his new co-worker written on his wrist in a neat handwriting.

“No, no, no.”, he mumbles.

This has to be a joke. This can´t be happening.

He grabs a washcloth and starts rubbing at the dark ink, hoping that it will come off, but of course it doesn´t. He only stops, when his skin is red and hurting, the name still prominent. Alex lets out a frustrated groan, throwing the washcloth against the wall. He stares at the name through tears, a feeling of dread and helplessness starting to grow in him. Thomas Jefferson. His soulmate.

It´s unfair. Why couldn´t it be someone he likes? He lets out a huff. This is just another way life has screwed him over, he really should have been expecting it.

The water, that has felt so calming only minutes ago, is now almost unbearable, but somehow Alex manages to get himself to wash his hair and body. He feels almost numb when he finally gets to bed, staring at the dark and wishing that sleep would come. His thoughts revolve around Jefferson, his heart feeling heavy. When he can feel tears filling his eyes again, he thinks about calling John, but discards the thought again, instead curls up in a ball and cries himself to sleep.

When Alex wakes up the next morning it takes a moment for the events from yesterday to come to mind again. For a few seconds, he allows himself to imagine that it was just a dream, but when he looks at his wrist, still a bit red from his efforts to get the name off, the ink is still there. Black and prominent against his white skin.

Alex gently traces the lines and suddenly, there are tears in his eyes again. It shouldn´t feel like this when you learn the name of your soulmate. It´s not supposed to feel like this. He should feel happy and excited, instead of betrayed and disappointed. For a moment he debates just calling Washington and telling him that he feels sick, which isn´t even a lie, but discards the idea again. He has never been a coward and he won´t start now.

It takes him longer than usual to get ready for work and after a bit of debating, he chooses a long-sleeved shirt, even though it´s said to be the hottest day of the week. He fiddles anxiously with the hem of it on his way to work, afraid that someone will spot the traitorous ink on his wrist. He envies the other people around him, who are able to wear the name of their soulmate with pride and feels even worse for that.

As soon as he reaches his office, Burr appears in the door and informs him that Washington has called for a meeting. Alex follows Burr to the conference room, hoping that the other man won´t notice how much of a nervous wreck he is. He doesn´t know what he should expect, and that´s the worst of it. How is he supposed to react when he meets Jefferson again? How will Jefferson react when he sees him again? He is about to just turn around again, but Burr opens the door to the conference room, and Alex has no other choice than to step inside. When he sees Jefferson already sitting there, his heart does a weird flutter in his chest. The Virginian looks up as they enter, only sparing him a short glance and a nod, before turning around to Washington again.

With a start it hits Alex that maybe his name didn´t appear on Jefferson´s wrist after they have met, maybe Jefferson is Alex´ soulmate, but Alex isn´t his. This realisation feels like a punch in the gut, even more so than finding out that Jefferson is his soulmate. It´s not common, but it happens and with all the luck Alex has had in his life, it honestly wouldn´t surprise him. He feels like crying, but somehow, he manages to conjure enough self-control to walk down the table and take a seat in his usual chair, next to Washington. He does his best not to let his growing panic show, trying out every breathing exercise he remembers. He can barely concentrate on the meeting, his thoughts too occupied with the fact that Jefferson still isn´t paying any attention to him.

When the meeting ends, Alex hurries out of the room, glad that no one tries to stop him. He closes the door of his office behind him, leaning against it for a moment, before he walks over to the window. He pushes the sleeve of his shirt up, looking down at the name on it. He traces the lines once again, allowing himself a moment to imagine what it would be like to finally have someone to rely on. To not be someone´s placeholder, but the end of the journey, and the beginning of a new one. Alex shakes his head violently to rid himself of those thoughts, nails digging into his wrist, leaving halfmoon shaped imprints on his already reddened skin. It won´t do him any good if he gets his hopes up. A knock on the door interrupts his thoughts, startling him and he quickly pulls his shirtsleeve down again, covering his soulmark effectively.

“Come in.”, he calls, hoping that whoever needs something from him won´t take too long.

His heart skips a beat when Jefferson enters, and he clutches his left wrist unconsciously.

“Do you have some time? I need to talk to you about something.”

Alex can feel his heart beating loud and fast in his chest, and it takes him a moment to nod. Jefferson closes the door behind him, takes a step toward the chair in front of Alexander´s desk, but remains standing. Alex notes that Jefferson is wearing a long-sleeved shirt as well, which causes a small flicker of hope to ignite in Alex´ chest, but he tries to ignore it.

“Okay, so, we didn´t really get off to a good start, I think, but uhm-“, Jefferson rolls up his sleeve of his shirt, showing it to Alex, with an uncertain smile. “It looks like you are my soulmate, so can we try this again?”

True to the other man´s words, Alex can see his own name in his handwriting on Thomas´ wrist. For a moment he just stares at the ink, not really believing what he´s seeing. Tears are running down his face, but there is the biggest smile on his face. He feels almost lightheaded with relief when he pushes up his sleeve as well, showing Thomas his own soulmark.

“Can I touch you?”, Thomas asks, and Alex nods.

When Thomas wraps his arms around Alex, he holds him almost desperately, like he is afraid that he might lose him again. It should feel weird, Alex thinks, seeing as they don´t really know each other, but instead it feels familiar, like coming home.

“I thought you didn´t have it. I thought you were mine, but I wasn´t yours.”, Alex admits.

He can feel Thomas hold on tighter.

“No, it´s us. It´s always gonna be us now.”

#jamilton #alexander hamilton #thomas jefferson #hamilton #hamilton musical #hamilton fic #writing requests #my fics #my writing #mine

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wildshub · 3 years

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WHO: The Fearless Fifteen WHAT: The castaways get lit and eat good. WHEN: Day 8 NOTE: For future reference.

Divya "Alright everyone," Divya approached the camp with her hands clasped together, an excited smile on her lips, "I know we all had a really rough day yesterday, like absolutely terrifying and exhausting, but–" A pause for dramatic effect. "Today is a new day and with everyone here together, me, Lex, and Cherry thought what better way to celebrate our triumphs and what we've overcome than with..." God, she wished she had a drum kit so she could build the adequate amount of suspense she wanted. "...a party!" Divya spread her arms out and flailed her fingers at the reveal. After a moment, she dropped her hands to her sides and continued on with her speech. "Me, Lex, and Cherry have been working all morning. We've got games planned, some treats, and even food! Like not even berries or nuts or anything, like actually. Cherry found a load of clams down somewheres by the beach," she tossed a thumb over her shoulder to give a rough estimation of where that was, "and Lex and I got a fire going with that lighter from the pilot's bag. Thanks again, Mr. Shepard–" She gave a quick salute. "–so it's gonna be like a proper thing. A whole meal!" Divya grinned, looking expectantly at the girls, hoping they were as ecstatic as she was. "So... thoughts, feelings? If you all are ready, we can head down over that ways where the fire's going and get started on the clams. It's honestly taken all of my will power to not just go for them."

Jude the idea of a party with games on a deserted island maybe seemed a little silly to jude, but hey, she wasn't going to turn down a party, and she wasn't gonna rain on everyone's parade. they could all use some kind of dumb distraction, right? and what jude was really excited about was the food. "oh, shit! clams? like, food? real food, with meat and everything?" she stood up immediately, lightheaded by the act of it. "dude, i could kiss you guys right now. fuckin' hunter-gatherers and shit, getting food for us!" she cheered. "let's do it," she said eagerly. holy shit, she just wanted some clams and vodka. never in her life had she wanted seafood this bad. she feels like her stomach is trying to eat herself.

Alexa she stands by Divya shifting on her feet, very nervous as to how the rest of the group will take on their event idea. She spent a good half a day just looking for the perfect herbs to mix in with the clams. She'd only cooked them thrice before so she wasn't exactly certain how to make them perfect, but was sure that some mushrooms from the woods along with thyme and basil would make it work just fine. They'd still had coconuts too and Alexa had kept them cool throughout the day so they could mix the vodka in and not die of dehydration. With Cherry in charge of actual clams and Divya the games, the whole thing came together so perfect Alexa wished she'd had her phone around to brag about it on instagram. "Right, also we've got a real nice surprise for those who join us as well..." she was referring to the weed of course, but it was not the right time to reveal all their secrets just yet. With long earrings dancing around her neck and a dead husband robe hugging her sheer nightgown, she headed to the fire. "Let's go bitches..."

Joss After the unintentional mud bath, courtesy of the depths of the jungle paired with Jude and Divya’s clumsiness, Joss had spent a good hour or two in and out of the ocean, trying to feel even remotely clean again. She’d washed her hair, relishing in the luxurious scent and the sensation of basic hygiene. God she had missed it. With clean hair, clean skin, a fresh pair of Lex’s underwear and freshly brushed teeth, Joss felt like a million bucks - or whatever the plane crash survivor/ desert island castaway equivalent of that was. She returned to camp anew and took her usual seat atop her puffer jacket, looking up at the girl’s as they approached with an announcement. “Oh my god,” she chimed, a couple of gleeful claps following her words “Fuck yeah, you guys, I’m in” she assured them, excited about the clams ahead, she quite liked seafood when it didn’t look like the inside of a sea urchin. “Amazing” she cooed in response to Divya’s question, though she hadn’t the slightest clue who the fuck Mr Shep- oh. Never mind she thought, as it dawned on her. “Nah seriously, you guys are legends, thank you,” she said again, another clap or so, before she realised she could just about see Alexa’s nipples, thanks to the blonde’s costume change. It was then that her eyebrows raised slightly and she made an effort not to make it obvious that she’d judged the outfit already, “Oi, what’s the surprise?” She asked lex directly then, “Do I maybe already know about it?” She asked playfully, adding a cheeky wink for good measure. God she loved being the secret keeper, even if she hadn’t kept the secret at all. Really, she just loved being the first person to know anything.

Jenny Truthfully, Jenny wasn't sure they were up for a party. The day before had been arguably one of the most taxing so far, aside from maybe the first. And once again, they had spent almost all of the night awake, save for a few minutes here and there. However, it was hard to say no to Divya's enthusiasm (or Divya, full stop), even harder when she said how hard she, Lex, and Cherry had worked on it, and then even, even harder when she mentioned actual food. Jenny felt their heart flutter a little bit at the very idea of not having to eat nuts or berries for the first time in a week, and their features visibly lit up at the thought. " No fucking way, that's awesome, " They said, joining in the general consensus of excitement from the group. When Joss thanked the others, they echoed her directly, " Yeah, thank you, " looking back to Divya and the others as they did. Pushing themselves to their feet and dusting off the sand, they tried not to notice Lex and Joss having another little moment, Lex hadn't been lying when she said they got along apparently. They ignored it as best they could, instead looking to the other party planners, " Lead the way then almighty party planners, " they teased, a small chuckle falling from their lips.

Shane to say shane didn’t feel like herself after the day before would be an understatement. she tried to pretend that everything was fine and that what happened wasn’t as serious as it really was, but it was hard. she was sitting in the sand, starting out into space when the girls made their announcement. while a party felt like the last thing shane wanted to do at the moment, the others seemed excited and shane didn’t want to be a downer for the others. plus now they had found something more real to eat which she couldn’t deny didn’t sound amazing after days of berries. so she forced herself to look as happy as the others, probably falling flat by she tried her best, and joined in the chorus of thank you’s for them, “thanks guys.” her eyes shifted to lex at her addition, already guessing what the surprise was since joss is the worst person to keep secrets on the island. but considering shane had snapped at lex the day before, she doubted she would even want to share with her today.

Divya Divya was so pleased that everyone seemed to be excited for the festivities they had planned. She gave a little squeal, clapping her hands together as she stood on her tiptoes for a second before leading the way. “Alright, come along. A feast awaits.” She made her way to where they had set up a small fire, a cooking station of sorts for their clams. It was by this large boulder so the sun didn’t absolutely destroy them that afternoon. “Everyone grab a seat around the fire,” she encouraged, taking a seat on the sand herself. She bounced in place excitedly. “I think Lex found some herbs or summat to mix in with the clams so we are being proper fancy this afternoon." If she closed her eyes and ignored about 90% of their reality, it was almost as if they'd actually made it to Hawaii. "And we aren't just eating today but drinking too! Cherry and I boiled some of the luggage rain water we collected the other day and they've cooled down by now so it's totally safe to drink whilst we eat the clams."

Luna Luna wanted to enjoy the party. She did. She had also wanted to help find Shane. But neither was really possible when she felt so exhausted. All she could hope was that it was nothing serious--a mild bug or heat stroke or just plain old exhaustion and dehydration--but she couldn't help the dread she felt anyway. Still, she pushed it down, flashing a smile and following Divya to the fire. "Wow. This is proper fancy," she commented, sitting down beside the other girl. "We have water too?" Oh thank god. "What are we drinking it out of?"

Divya "The water bottles! Solid quality honestly." Divya reached over to the pile and plucked one from the bunch. The Dawn of Eve water bottle once perfectly powder pink now had burn marks going up its sides but Divya would argue for a very good cause. "Sorry if we worried anyone about where they'd gone. We tried boiling them in some old Coke cans to start but they were so much smaller and harder to fish out of the fire compared to the bottles that we gave up halfway." She shook the bottle and you could hear the sloshing of water inside. She held it out to Luna. "We counted to a hundred to be safe but I think it's actually only a minute of boiling honestly till it's good for drinking."

Andrea A party was just the kind of thing that they all needed. Whether Andi wanted to admit it or not, she wanted to be lifted out of her piss-poor mood. And she wanted something -- anything -- to feel normal. Heading down towards where the other girls were, she eventually sat down by the fire. "You guys actually did it," she said with a tinge of amazement in her voice, looking at the water bottles and everything else they'd been able to get together. "Where'd you find the clams? How'd you get all of this together?"

Oona Oona pulled her hair back and out of her face as she settled in. It felt so long since she’d last sat down for an actual meal that even in their stained, ripped clothing, it almost felt like a fancy occasion. Plus, there were clams. She’d never been big on seafood in the past but by the way her stomach was rumbling it was clear that it didn’t care what it got at this point. “That’s what I want to know, too,” she echoed Andi. “It must be a good story. Have you gone clamming before? I have no idea how to even begin to look for a clam.” She rubbed her hands over her knees in anticipation, then shot Divya a warm smile first. “Really, this is so nice of you guys. Above and beyond.”

Alexa she looks over at Joss at the cheeky grin and a question and although she’d already gotten over being yelled at, she still had just about enough pettiness in her to shrug, smile and go “yes Jocelyn, but I suppose Jenny and Jude know it slightly better having already dipped into that surprise with me a bit so...maybe not so much a surprise to some of you but...” she will pull out large pre-rolled spliffs and one blunt. “— ta-da!” It was basically no surprise to anyone at this point but she’s finally got her night around the fire with weed, food and booze. “As far as nights in this inferno go, I’m pretty sure we’re at the peak so settle in before whatever fucking storm, fire or beast the devils that run these hunger games throw at us next.” Yes she mixed in all the references she could think of, apart from matrix she supposed but she could sneak that in later. Regardless, Alexa was not shy to show she was actually genuinely happy. She crashes on the floor next to Cherry and looks over at Andi tapping the floor beside herself. She then shifts her focus over to Oona and Andis question. “Ah the clams, star of the show, Cherry, Div? You wanna take this one?”

Divya "Errr," she pulled a face in thought, "not sure to be honest, that was all Cherry." She looked at the other girl then. "Point is though: she found them and now we," she looked at everyone around the fire then, "can eat them." She turned her head to face Lex now. "Can we please eat them?" It wasn't so much a question as a reminder. Lex was the chef after all. The only thing Divya knew how to cook was beans on toast and even then, she burnt the toast sometimes. "Do we just toss them on the fire and wait or something? How will we know if it's ready?"

Andrea It didn't matter what'd happened before. If she'd been angry with anyone, or if they'd been frustrated with her. Right now, all Andi could think about was having a full stomach, perhaps for the first time in over a week. "You're a fucking angel," she grinned, watching eagerly as Alea took out the spliffs. "I've been saying it for days -- we deserve a chance to actually have fun. Who knows how long we've got here? Might as well fucking enjoy it." She brushed some hair out of her face, leaning in as Divya spoke. "Please -- can we just cook these bad boys and have a meal? I'll even cook them myself. I'm volunteering. That's how hungry I am."

Jude weed? food? call jude a handmaid 'cause it was a blessed day! "throw those bitches on the fire," jude cheered in agreement, taking a seat in the sand around the fire and reaching for a bottle of rainwater. she felt like a cavewoman. she probably looked like one, too, for that matter. "let's get full, let's get high, let's forget we're on a fucking island," she announced. "andrea's right. since we're almost definitely gonna pull an amelia earhart and get eaten by crabs, we might as well try and have a good fucking time."

Shane shane watched as the others became excited over everything. while she should also be happy and excited to eat and relax, shane still hadn’t gotten rid of that nagging guilt in the back of her mind after yesterday. so she stayed quiet, sitting with the group around the fire. her fingers dug into the sand absentmindedly. “mhm,” she hummed in agreement with jude. maybe after she drank and smoked a little, shane would start to feel like herself again.

Oona Oona’s eyes widened when Alexa pulled out pre-rolled weed. Were they usually that big? She didn’t know the difference between a blunt or a joint or whatever, partly because she had never seen one in real life before and mostly because her parents routinely screened everything they watched as kids to make it was squeaky clean. She didn’t see a sex scene until she was fifteen. She didn’t know anything about weed. Oh my God, she was going to look so stupid. “Oh! Oh wow,” she exclaimed, a little stilted with the way she tried to make it sound natural. “I’ve never—I mean, I don’t. I don’t usually do that but um, that’s really cool! Thanks for sharing. Is that going to be a post-dinner thing?” Did she want to try? She didn’t know. She wanted to ask what it felt like without showing her hand. Oona heard Shane hum along, a little detached, and looked over at her. Shane smoked weed, right? Or was that rude of Oona to assume? She leaned toward her and spoke lower as an aside. “Are you going to—?” Her eyes cut to the bag in Alexa’s hand.

Shane shane looked up from the small hole she was digging in the sand when she heard oona say something to her, clearly not wanting everyone else to hear. she could tell but her reaction to lex pulling out the weed that oona has probably never tried it. a little surprising to shane considering everyone she knew back home has smoked at least once. but then again, that was new york and she knew very little about oona and how she grew up. "huh? uh, yeah, probably," if lex allows her, but shane didn't say that out loud. "have you smoked before?" she asked, not wanting to embarrass her if she hadn't.

Andrea It was cute, really, seeing Oona's face change as Alexa pulled out the goods. Andrea assumed that all of them had smoked before -- at least once. But then again, maybe there were some people who were more innocent than she was -- less tarnished by whatever circumstances life had thrown their way. She didn't quite hear what Oona said, and reading lips was too much work. So instead, Andi decided to chat with Jude. "Eaten by crabs? Haven't heard that one yet. -- So what's the deal? Do we die first, and they feast on our corpses? Or are we gonna have to suffer through every single pinch?"

Joss To say that Joss was shocked that Lex had been smoking with Jude and Jenny without her was a marked understatement. “Yeah, righto,” she uttered fairly obtusely, shifting uncomfortable where she sat, in response. The fuck, Lex? She wondered, watching the other girl for a moment or two, trying to read her. Jocelyn was certainly not an expert on the disappearance of Amelia Earhart but she was pretty sure she’d never heard the conclusion that the esteemed aviator had been eaten by crabs. In fact, Joss wasn’t sure she’d ever heard of anybody being eaten by crabs. Thus, she assumed it was another one of Jude’s dumb theories, like tropical bears. “Fair sure you have to boil clams,” she was as eager to get ‘those bitches’ on the fire, as Jude had so eloquently put it but she didn’t want them to go to waste if they ended up burning to a crisp.

Jude "oh, shit," jude got genuinley introspective in response to andrea's question. "we better die first. i'm not going down to a bunch of crabs without a fight, right? fuck crustaceans. maybe they won't eat me, 'cause i'm one of them - born july, y'know, cancer," she explained. jude's astrology knowledge is admittedly limited, but like any good white teenage girl from new york, she DOES have co-star installed on her phone. "whatever, though, let's do this. we're not dead yet, right?" she said, getting up eagerly and tossing clam after clam on the fire without putting much thought into it. jude's not really a cook. she can hardly make toast. still, she's got hubris, and maybe that's enough. "we leave it for - uh - five minutes? then crack 'em open like cashews?" she offered.

Oona Oona smiled sheepishly at Shane’s question. She should’ve known she wasn’t exactly being subtle about the whole thing. She bit down down on her thumbnail briefly, then shrugged in embarrassment. “Honestly? No...” she trailed off. It was a little funny, she had to admit. Girl from the Denver area who’s never gotten high? Someone call the local news! But this was Oona’s first time in her life when she wasn’t under constant supervision. She had one blip, granted, about nine and half months ago, but no adult in her world let that happen again. Her own legal adult status didn’t seem the matter. “Should I? I feel like it’d be a good thing to check off on my lifetime to-do list,” she joked in an attempt to push down the rising nerves at the prospect. “You know, plane crash? Check. Stranded on a tropical island? Check. Survive solely on Diet Coke and bags of mixed nuts? Check.” She counted the so-called accomplishments on her fingers. “Weed must be the only logical continuation.” And then she heard, a little to her left, ‘they feast on our corpses’ and she immediately clocked back into the group conversation. Jilll’s missing body wasn’t something she was going to forget anytime soon. “Excuse me, what’s going to feast on our corpses? The crabs?” She glanced warily toward the ocean.

Shane she gave a weak smile at oona for her confession. if shane had to guess, she and oona have lived completely different lives. which wasn't a bad thing, she was pretty sure that none of the other girls have done half of the things shane has in her life. "hey, nothing wrong with that," she tried to reassure her that she wasn't judging. "i feel like you deserve it after all the shit we've been through," shane said with a chuckle. "but really weed is nothing serious, it's a good time." she wasn't trying to pressure her into do it, but more to reassure her that it wasn't as big of a deal as tv and movies made it seem. when the attention turned to whatever the fuck jude was talking about, shane turned to look at the other girls. "if we're stuck here any longer, i'll happily let the crabs take me," she said as a joke but considering how she's acted the past 24 hours, it was probably a bit concerning to say.

Divya After seeing Jude toss some clams onto the fire, she figured it was good enough for her and followed suit, tossing a few more on there beside Jude's. "Five minutes should do I think." She casted a brief glance at Lex for reassurance before turning back to the fire. "Anyway, shouldn't they like pop open or something? Like popcorn... but for seafood?" Confused, she scratched the side of her head before deciding they could probably see when it'd be ready to fish out and leaned back on her hands again. Hearing talk of crabs over by Oona and Shane, Divya perked up. "Wait, do we have crabs?" She asked with a lit up face, having missed most of that conversation in her excitement of watching everyone get seated and tossing clams on the fire.

Joss Joss couldn’t help but laugh at Divya’s innocently intended question, foiled by poor wording. “We? Yeah, nah, not me, I get laser treatment every couple of months,” she teased, barely convinced that Divya would realise the connotations of her words even now. She wiggled a finger loosely in the direction of a few of the other girls, Lex, Shane and Jude in particular, “Can’t speak for the rest of the crew though,” she insisted, Jude in particular struck her as somebody who had a working knowledge in the field of STIs and the like.

Jude jude gave a low whistle, raising her eyebrows at joss. little miss prefect gets laser treatment to avoid crabs, huh? jude's mouth fell open at joss' wiggling finger, and she put a hand to her chest. "how dare you," she deadpanned, eyes wide. she used a stick to pull a clam out of the fire - it'd been almost five minutes, and they felt hot - and held it up in demonstration. "you can't get crabs like this, ma'am," she said, before eating the clam in the way that she might eat.... something else. you know, just a graphic demonstration of lesbian sex, noises and all. dinner and a show, right? "see, bitch? i'm clean!" she laughed, slurping down the clams.

Shane shane easily understood what joss was implying and despite the fact that they seemed to be on good terms, shane was right back to wanting to slap the blonde girl when she pointed to shane and some of the other. “what’s with you and thinking i’m such a fuck boy, joss?” she shot across the circle just as jude made a show of eating one of the calms. “exactly!” she cheered the other girl on.

Joss She raised her hands defensively, still laughing as both Jude and Shane shot back at her defensively. Maybe she’d unintentionally found a sore spot for eat of them. “Fuck me, relax hey, it’s just jokes- you can’t tell me you didn’t think the same thing,” she insisted, surely she wasn’t so filthy minded, so much more so than the others that she was the only one that saw the double entendre in Divya’s question. Joss hadn’t caught onto where Jude’s announcement was going until it came with a full blown theatrical performance, sound effects and all. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, message received, clean as a whistle, bloody hell,” she waved a hand at Jude dismissively, her cheeks flushing as she realised that she was the one to inspire such a graphic performance. “Have you gotten that out of your system now? Some of us haven’t eaten yet, I’d like to actually keep my dinner down, if you don’t mind,” she was half joking, though the last thing on God’s green Earth she wanted to picture throughout her meal was Jude going down on somebody. She sat up on her knees then, trying to get a good look at the clams in the fire. She wanted to know if they were cooked properly or if they tasted any good but she had a funny feeling that Jude might not have registered either during her taste test.

Jenny Like a lot of other conversations that had happened while on the island, Jenny was in and out of listening to them. Picking up pieces here and there of Oona and Shane talking about weed, Jude talking about the grand Amelia Earhart Crab Theory (Jenny was personally more subscribed to the Captured theory or the Bermuda Triangle theory but to each their own), and then finally Joss bringing up a different type of crabs. Sure, maybe if it had come from anyone else Jenny would have found it really funny, but Joss had an air of rich bitch judgement around her that prevented them from laughing aloud. However they did laugh at Jude's response, and loudly too. Grin growing on their features with ease as they elbowed her lightly in encouragement. But then, for certainly not the first or last time, they furrowed their brows a little in Joss' direction. Their smile didn't quite fade completely, the idea of eating protein for the first time in a week and amusement at how quickly Joss changed her pace keeping it there. " You're the one that brought it up, dude, " they said, shaking their head a little with a breathy chuckle, before reaching for a nearby stick so they could safely poke at the fire.

Krafty was a huge fan of anything sea food, blame it on the fact she had grown up near the ocean. so when she had heard that some of the girls had gotten clams for actual sustenance she couldn't help but excited. making her way over the hill from where she had to pee, she rejoined the group and walked in at what seemed to be a tense moment between joss and jude. reading body language she chose not to intrude but sit next to the fire patiently, hoping that soon enough she'd get a great taste for the oysters. she grabbed a recently boiled water bottle of water and took a few swigs. this was as close to a party as she'd felt in a long time, she only wished her crew was here with her.

Joss She wrinkled her nose and nodded her head, hands in the air once more “-well Shaneo enjoyed it so, you’re welcome, I guess,” she offered, finding the positive angle instead of taking responsibility for making a shit joke. She watched Jenny with the stick, deciding that that was probably the best way to manage things herself, though she’d wait her turn. Once she had a clam to herself she pressed her lips together, analysing it for a moment as if it required a secret code to open. She laughed at herself then, “Fucking hell, now I’m all self conscious like I’m gonna be graded on how shit I eat this,” she joked at her own expense. Her experience with cunnilingus was embarrassingly non existent but she’d had oysters once or twice before. “Wouldn’t mind some pasta to go with this,” she confessed a moment later, thinking out loud.

Jude "oh, we're definitely gonna judge you," jude nodded, eyeing joss as she went in for another clam. her experience with oysters was embarrassingly nonexistent, but she was a self-proclaimed expert in cunnilingus, and it's basically the same, right? "god, pasta sounds good," she nodded in agreement before chugging down some more rain water. she hadn't realized how hungry and how thirsty she had been until now. "or, or - like, a sub. like, a hoagie from the little shop down the street from my old place. they were so fucking good. i would kill to have another meatball hoagie before the crabs eat my body once and for all."

Shane “yeah, fuck you, joss,” shane said, giving up on trying to defend herself to the other girl. so many one time she made an extremely poorly timed sex joke, now joss will forever view her as some sex crazed person. “oh we judge you all the time, this will be no different,” shane shot back at her. despite how little they’ve eaten in a week, shane just didn’t have much of an appetite, so she instead just watched the others, still half lost as she tried to keep her thoughts from drifting away to other things. “god i could go for one too.” after a second, she thought of something, “or you know what would be perfect? magnolia’s bakery,” she announced before smirking and giving jenny a knowing look.

Oona With one wide-eyed moment of innocence over and done with, Oona tried her best to keep her face blank as Jude went to town on a clam for fear of cementing herself as the Ultimate Ignoramus. But there was also the fear of looking too judgmental. The last thing she wanted was to turn any of these girls against her. People had sex. Oona could totally handle it. But still, her brain sort of skirted around the imagery then zipped at lightning speed toward Joss and Jude’s latest comments. “Oh, yeah. Seafood pasta’s good. Like a shrimp scampi. Or—Gosh, I had a really good lobster mac and cheese once.” She sighed when Shane mentioned a bakery. “I think I miss popovers the most, food-wise. And waffles. I’m too American to go this long without processed sugar, I think.” Oona shook her head and reminded herself to be positive. "But the clams will be good! Alexa found herbs to go with them, you said, Div?"

Krafty she couldn't help but chuckle at jude's snark remark, sometimes they were well timed and she was okay with admitting that. finally she helped herself to a clam and managed to crack it open helping herself to the protein inside. "pasta, some fresh cheese on top, shit," she couldn't help but miss her favorite seafood restaurant from home. "oona yes, lobster mac n cheese is to die for, i feel ya on that one," she couldn't believe this was her life but hey, maybe she was doing her hero bear grylls proud with this...maybe they all were. "this is dope guys, seriously, i didn't say it but thanks."

Divya Predictably, Joss’s joke went right over Divya’s head, causing the girl to furrow her brows. Still, she offered barely there laugh though because she didn’t want the blonde to feel bad that her brand of humor wasn’t particularly the funniest. What did laser treatment have to do with crabs? Her gaze shifted from Joss to Jude, wondering why that earned such a reaction from her. Her eyes widened to the size of saucers at what happened next. Now it wouldn't surprise anyone to find out Divya wasn’t the most experienced in that area. In fact, it was better to say she wasn’t experienced at all. Everything she knew of sex came from awkward Sex-Ed classes and that one time she and her best friend paid a visit to PornHub when they were 14 that ended with the laptop being kicked under the bed and destroyed when her Uncle Marty walked in without knocking to tell them dinner was ready. Needless to say, her cheeks were flushed pink and hot by the time Shane chimed in with cheers and Joss was waving the New Yorkers off. Divya busied herself with poking at the clams with a stick, hoping the warmth in her cheeks would subside sometime soon. She was just pulling one of the clams out when Oona mentioned her name, thankful that the other girl gave her something else to think about than Jude’s theatrical performance featuring their lunch. “Oh yeah, I think she also had mushrooms or something?” She turned to Lex. “Right? Mushrooms, herbs?” She turned back to Oona. “Something along the lines. It’s probably in that bag over there.” She pointed to the Dawn of Eve bag closest to Lex. Hearing Krafty speak, Divya smiled warmly, glad the girl was enjoying the festivities. She was just happy all of them could take a breath and enjoy themselves for once.

Jenny Seeing as the last time Jenny had purposely called Joss out they'd nearly hit her, they didn't quite join in the chorus of yes, Joss, all the gays are gonna judge the shit out of you. Thankfully, the subject changed as Jude and the others brought up all the different foods they wanted. They nodded in agreement with the group. Even if they'd never had seafood pasta, they could absolutely dream of a hoagie. " Dude, what I wouldn't do right now for like, the greasiest, grossest bacon, egg, and cheese. " They said, stomach aching at the very thought. And to wash it down with some energy drink that had definitely caused someone to have a heart attack, that would be heaven. When Shane brought up Magnolia's Bakery they had to press their lips together to stop a chuckle from tumbling right out, but the smile still showed. The two proving in that very moment that everyone had been judging Joss. At least, the East Coast Gays definitely had been. If the girls had just had the clams and the fire, that would have been impressive enough. But mushrooms? Seasoning? They were beyond grateful. " I can't believe you guys could find all this stuff, " They said, using their stick to pull one from the fire now that it seemed it had been long enough for them to be edible. " Do y'all cook much at home? " They asked, looking up. Mostly they were addressing Lex and Divya, but really it was open to the group, they'd be interested to know the answer from everyone.

Joss Joss had thought that she and Shane were mates by now but there was something about how quick the brunette was to jump aboard Jude’s anti-Joss campaign that made her think otherwise. Maybe they were just pals when she was the best option, or more hurtfully, the only option. She tried not to show the hurt and offered a small laugh to show that she was totally in on the ribbing. Then came the Magnolia joke and the glance at Jenny. What the fuck was that? Joss had mentioned visiting the famous NYC bakery with her family to both Jenny and Shane, had they discussed the fact? She was aware that she’d be judged harshly, Shane had been honest about thinking she was a bitch the first time they’d met. Joss has assumed that she’d redeemed herself after that but now she wasn’t convinced. Did the whole group just see her as the butt of the joke? Maybe that explained the poor reaction to the bags she’d discovered and the lack of gratitude for the effort she’d put into orchestrating the search party. “I left some stuff out to dry, just gonna grab it before I forget,” she explained, hopping up quickly and abandoning post to collect the imaginary laundry. She felt a sickness in her stomach, reminded of how it felt to have people laughing at you, judging you, making fun of who they thought you were and what they thought you did behind your back. She hadn’t felt it so strongly since leaving Melbourne airport, noting the way her Dad’s hug felt just a little bit awkward as he pat her on the shoulder and offered a curt goodbye.

Shane shane held back a laugh when she and jenny locked eyes, both clearly trying to keep it together after a dumb inside joke between them at joss’ expense. shane looked over at joss, expecting her to unintentionally play along with their joke. but then the other girl’s face changed with realization before she quickly excused herself from the group. shane’s smile dropped, teeth digging into her lower lips as she went back to anxiously digging in the sand. maybe that was a bad joke, but she didn’t think joss would take it that way. after all, the two of them always jabbed at each other. their whole relationship was making fun of one another with “fuck you”s thrown in there. was it because jenny was involved this time? this was exactly why shane didn’t do friends, everything was complicated and got messy. she kept her eyes locked on the sand as she let all of her thoughts consume her, uninterested in whatever the group was talking about now.

Alexa Alexa was in and out of the conversation still looking over food with Cherry and making sure she was paying attention to what was happening. Joss was entertaining the group just fine it seemed and so Lex couldn’t help but look over at Jenny and Shane as the blonde spoke to scope their reactions. She laughed at Jude and then as a Divya spoke to her directly she nodded. “Ah yes mushrooms I’m just putting them all on a stick so we can grill them on the fire marshmallow style.” She added placing more mushrooms on the current stick she was holding. She looks over at Oona knowing the other didn’t really seem all that familiar with weed. “See I think food would be best after weed because munchies will be nuts over these bad boys but...I guess we can always grill more mushrooms and there’s also like leftover soup and...fuck, I do wish we had some like crisps or sugar or something...anyways, Oona girl, you don’t gotta smoke if you don’t want to. But I just want you to know that weed was legal prior to hippies being against the war in Iraq and then it became classified as a drug so they could put hippies and minority kids in prisons. It’s by no means gateway anything, the government just doesn’t want people having a good time. Not since Woodstock anyways...” she sighed and then started passing the mushroom sticks. “I cook a lot at home Jenny, thanks for asking. I think the thing I would cool right now if I were home...rather simple actually, lasagna with some garlic bread and banana. Veggie lasagna by the way, but I know how to cook meat as well and like fish and clams yes....seafood is big in the house...” she realised she was talking far too much so she chuckles. “Anyways, yeah please guys help yourselves...”

Krafty "thanks," she replied as alexa passed around a few skewers of mushrooms krafty helped herself to one roasting it on the fire. it sort of brought her back to cooking up fish by the fire when she would go camping by the water. she had to agree with her though, food would have been a hell of a lot better after weed because the munchies were inevitable, especially for her which she had proven time and time again. "we're stranded on a fucking island, there's never been a better reason to smoke," krafty joked in reply to the girl's long winded story about the legalization of weed post woodstock. it had been far too long since the last time she had gotten high, or truly drunk for that matter. "wait, you cook seafood a lot too?" she questioned, almost shocked that they shared something in common.

Jude "it feels so fucking good to be full, holy shit," jude said, flopping back onto the sand, a sizable pile of clam shells laying beside her, absolutely ravaged. she wasn't exactly the queen of moderation. "y'know, i know i'm fuckin' useless here, aside from being good eye candy," she acknowledged, "so i really am grateful you guys are, like, gourmet survivalist chefs or whatever. it's impressive as hell." jude was physically strong, but they hadn't exactly run into any tropical bears to wrestle, so that didn't do much good. jude plays hockey, she doesn't forage for food and build shelters. just because she has the emotional maturity of a cavewoman doesn't mean she has the skills of one. "it's been - i don't even know how long it's been since i've felt full. i don't know how long we've been here. i don't know what the date is. all i do know is that i could really go for some fucking weed," she smiled, closing her eyes and shielding them from the sun with her hand as she lay in the sand.

Jenny Jenny didn't feel anything close to guilt when Joss stood with flushed cheeks and excused herself from the group. Honestly, if they'd been as angry as they had the morning before they likely would have flipped her off as she left. In place of that they simply rolled their eyes a little as their focused shifted to the clam in their hands. They ate quickly, not even caring that it was a weird and new texture and taste for them, only that it was food. The conversation continued to move around them but they didn't have much to add to weed history or cooking talk, so they just stayed quiet, appreciating the feeling of something solid in their stomach. They nodded as Lex explained what she'd love to be cooking at home, they weren't going to say it out loud but it was incredibly unexpected that Lex could cook at all. Seeing as she could probably afford to pay top chefs from across the globe to cook for her whenever she wanted. Then came conversation of actually smoking, and while Jenny was excited for that, they had noticed the way Shane seemed to be reacting to Joss' departure and how no one else seemed to care. They didn't like her, and they didn't really care that she'd left in fact it was a little bit of a relief– but seeing as Shane had walked off and disappeared only yesterday and everyone had gone looking, it seemed a little fucked to just let her go. And on top of that, if they could prevent Shane from feeling any worse they were gonna try. " Okay not volunteering but should someone maybe go after her? " They nodded in the direction that Joss had headed. " Just to check, before we get fucked. "

Jude nosey bitch model citizen that she was, jude volunteered, taking a swig of her rain water. "i can do it," she offered, glancing at jenny and shane. better her than them, right? jude didn't even know what the fuck a magnolia was, so she was probably one of the less offensive people to joss at the time, right? "i'll be two minutes, mates," she waved the others off, trying to an australian accent but ending up with something closer to texan-british. she pushed herself to her feet, wandering off after joss into the jungle. "jocelyn!" she called, stretching her arms behind her neck and cracking her joints.

Alexa Alexa has not realised anything was wrong with Joss, after all, she said she’d be right back. Mostly, she didn’t know why she needed to be called back as she missed larger part of that conversation trying to focus on food. Now that she was eating, slow and steady like a hungry cow, Jenny of all people wondering about Joss, made her question if Joss was alright. Not enough to abandon her position on the floor by the fire though. Luckily, Jude seemed to have had it under control. “Damn bitch, we need to feed you more often huh?” She laughs at the impression “Oh and, Jude hun...” she smiled at the other as she she got up and tossed a whole zoot her way. “You can spark this mazza when you’re back huh? If Joss doesn’t wanna come, drag her by the hair!” She said, having decided not to allow Joss to delay the only thing she’s been looking forward to on this Island since the crash with her sudden disappearances and runs and whatever the hell she was doing at this point. “Anyways guys, Divya, what games are on board again? Is that now or...?”

Joss Joss had expected to return to the camp on her own volition before anybody actually bothered to go looking for her. She'd explained where she was going, she'd explained why and as far as she knew, she'd managed to keep her discomfort under wraps so why would anybody find it necessary to check up on her? The question would remain unanswered, she realised, straightening her posture as she prepared for Jude's arrival. "Hey! I'm here, I'm good," she assured the other girl, realizing then that she'd told everybody that she was going to fetch laundry that didn't exist. Fuck. She turned to face Jude with a chuckle that would have made her year 11 drama teacher roll her eyes, "I already brought my bloody clothes in- I just totally forgot, like an idiot," she explained, attempting to justify why the fuck she was standing in the middle of nowhere by herself, seemingly doing nothing. In truth, she'd been trying to clear her head and get out of her own thoughts. She couldn't fall into the trap of believing that all of the girls, just like the ones at home, thought of her as nothing but a running gag at that when the shit hit the fan, they'd have no qualms about letting her take it in the face.

Jude jude waved winningly at lex before heading off to meet joss and her inexplicable ghost laundry. “right,” jude raised one eyebrow and shrugged. none of what joss was saying made sense, obviously - even if there was laundry to bring in, why walk off in the middle of lunch to do it? “i know i busted your whole laundry excuse, but you don’t have to come back yet if you don’t want,” jude shrugged. if joss wanted to meditate or pray or whatever it was she did when she was off by herself, that was none of judes business, so long as she was sure joss was still kicking. “we’re about to light up - i mean, i dunno if you’re too good for that, prefect and all. but i can leave you to... do your laundry,” she gestured at the empty space, “since i know you’re not dead. that’s one option. or, you could come back with me, and get high out of your mind. personal favorite. option 3 is you come back, stay sober, eat some clams, and play nice. kind of boring, but doable. option 4 is i stay here while they get high, and you lay down and pretend i’m a fancy australian rich people therapist, and you tell me all about how you’re hallucinating laundry,” jude listed. “there are a few more options after that, but they get kinda dirty, and you’re probably not into that. up to you.”

Joss Joss became frustrated then, not with Jude but with herself and how quickly her measly attempt at cover her ass had fallen apart and how little effort it had taken for Jude to dismantle it, "I'm not even a fucking prefect anymore," she snapped, her emotions getting the better of her. "Sorry- I just- I don't-" before she sounded like she was having a stroke, to calmed herself, taking a moment to breathe and elucidate her intention. "I'm not too good for it and I don't think that. I don't think I'm too good for anything- or like, for any of you, I mean- like, I don't think I'm better than any of you," she insisted, fumbling on her words until she got to where she had meant to be. "I know it sounds that way, probably but- I was just joking before. I was-" trying to fit in, "-just messing around," she realised it was a lot easier to be accepted when all you had to do was have a car of your own, a questionable BMI and a decent amount of likes from average looking boys on your selfies. Having substance was difficult. Jokes? Impossible. Culture? She didn't have much of that either. Stories? If they didn't involve her pissing herself at a Westfield, they were vanilla and had such an anticlimactic final act that they just sounded like straight up bragging. She folded her arms uncomfortably across her chest, her gaze on Jude's feet instead of looking her in the eyes as she listed off Jocelyn's various options. Though she wasn't in much of a laughing mood, she couldn't help a small laugh at option 5- or option 4.5 or whatever it was; the option that Jude needn't explain. "You're gross," she teased habitually, forgetting that her brand of teasing hadn't translated well before. "-but funny," she added, in case it wasn't clear. She straightened up then, taking a deep breath, "Righto so," she started as she digested her options, "I've had it up to my ears in counselling so- I reckon I'll just come back with you- but just...like, give me a sec, yeah?"

Divya God, it was so nice to eat proper food. Divya didn't realise how much she missed it until she was actually eating away, clam after clam. Hearing her name mentioned, she finished off the clam she was eating before turning to Lex. "Hm? Oh! Games! Right!" She tossed the empty shell on her little pile of finished clams. Clapping her hands together, she stood up so she could garner everyone's attention better. "So, after we're done here," she gestured to their clam circle, "we've got a few games planned. Limbo to start but... honestly, I think we're all a little full to be bending like that so we'll put it on the back burner for now. The next game on the itinerary is Pictionary!" She announced with gleeful bounce. "So it's much of the same, whoever isn't up to draw gets to sit down and guess whatever it is the person drawing is... drawing." She frowned momentarily, feeling there was one too many 'drawings' in there. "Anyway," she continued on, "if we guess correctly within the allotted time, the person drawing gets a point. If we don't, then the person drawing..." She drummed out a beat on her thighs. "...has to drink alcohol!!" Sure, for some people that wasn't much of a penalty but for lightweights that were new to the drinking scene like Divya, it was definitely enough to motivate her into pulling out some of her best work. She walked over to her stash of party prep things and retrieved a Dawn of Eve swag bag and the bottle of vodka. "So, if you lot are ready, we can head on over there with the sands a bit more packed and get to drawing. We'll reuse the clam sticks as pens."

Jude jude bit her lip, but she couldn’t even be surprised. weren’t they all angry, thinking about the things they’d never be again? “i get it,” jude said. “there’s a lot of things i’m not anymore,” she said, a rare moment of sincerity. ew. anyways! “it’s cool. we’re all just telling shitty jokes.” she laughed when joss called her gross, because, well, yeah. “gross, funny, a goddess, a dumbass - all ways i’ve been described. by my ninth grade math teacher,” she remarked. motor mouth jude can never turn it off. “whenever you’re ready,” she said, a little softer, slinking back a bit to give joss some space, but not leaving - buddy system, right?

Joss "Do you?" she asked, caught between feeling alone and feeling, perhaps for the first time, that Jude was being candid with her. It was always hard to tell, Joss had discovered but it was like Lex, she thought; between the shocking statements, disgusting anecdotes and otherwise outrageous utterances, there were some things that slipped out from behind the girl's teeth and actually meant something more. Her lips parted to ask about the math teacher but she decided against it. Prying for sincerity twice in a row was asking for far, far too much, Joss thought. She was lucky to have Jude talking to her at all at this point and it wasn't worth pushing it. "Yeah- cool, thanks," she nodded in agreement, "I'm not gonna run away and fall asleep or anything but- yeah, thanks," she assured taking another deep breath in, steeling herself to face Jenny and Shane again. "Does everyone just think I'm a massive cunt?" she asked then, after a few moments of pensive silence. If Jude couldn't be honest with her, then she doubted anybody else on the island had the capacity.

Jude "yeah, man. i mean, i used to be a virgin," she joked, flahing joss a toothy grin. "and, like, a not-orphan. hockey star. mediocre musician. a bitch NOT on an island. never much a prefect, though," she admitted. she trusted joss enough to not, like, get lost in the woods, but she wasn't going to leave her, either. with their luck, joss would end up facing off against a tropical bear. DID everyone think joss was a massive cunt? "not everyone," she answered truthfully. she's not a mind reader, but. "i mean, jenny probably does. or maybe not, 'cause it was their idea someone went to get you. that could just be 'cause they don't want the elements getting you, so they get to be the one to take you down, though. lex still has no idea she's on an island. andrea's too busy being excited about weed. and i dunno about shane. i mean, i got the feeling she hated to see you go, but loved to watch you leave," she shrugged.

Joss Not-orphan. That was the one that stood out to Joss the most. How could she mention that with such a shit eating grin on her face? Right. Maybe that was the only way she could mention it. Everybody had different ways of coping with things. Some got angry, threw their fist at a wall. Some cried until their eyes were red and sore. Some ran away and pretended there was nothing that needed coping with. "Seriously?" she asked and it was a fair enough question, she thought. Not only was Jude prone to cracking jokes whenever she could slip one in but on top of that, it was hard the believe that of all people, Jenny had been the one to voice their concern. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure you were right the first time- fair sure she hates my guts," she insisted, "-but- she really said to come get me?" she couldn't justify it, she hoped that Jude could. Hm. Not as satisfying as she thought it would be. Did Jenny really want Joss to survive, just to be the one to neck her? It didn't seem likely. "Come on, you don't really think that," she hoped, "Jenny's not like that," she spoke with confidence, despite the fact that she didn't know Jenny at all. She ran her tongue over the surface of her front teeth, a pensive expression creasing her brow as she thought about the other girls, "-and Shane, yeah, nah, that wasn't it. Definitely wasn't it," she insisted, confident that Shane had been more than pleased to see her go and hadn't taken any notice of her when she did, certainly not in the way Jude was implying, if the implication was indeed a cheeky (no pun intended) one. "-and you?" she asked, raising an eyebrow then, realising that Jude hadn't placed herself on the list.

Jude jude nodded, intrigued by how confused joss seemed. "yeah, jenny's idea. i mean, i was just kidding about the killing you thing, but i was a little surprised, too. i kinda got the vibe that neither of you really got along," she explained. "they said someone should go after you before we all got too high." jude laughed and joss' quick denial of shane scoping out joss' ass. "maybe. but my lesbian third eye isn't often wrong," she remarked. that was a lie. jude was wrong all of the time. at joss' question, jude had to think on it. really, she went in between thinking joss was a major bitch, feeling kind of bad for her, and finding her pretty damn entertaining. "i don't think you're a cunt," she said thoughtfully. "or i do, but i'd be a cunt, too, if i were you. i mean, i kinda am a cunt, and i'm not you. but you've never decked me in the face, and if i were you, i definitely would have by now, so i kinda like you," jude said earnestly. "i mean, you did imply i had crabs, but i'm moving past that. forgiveness and all of that shit."

Joss Joss nodded her head in agreement but then shrugged her shoulders a moment later, "I mean, it's not that," she explained, trying to be diplomatic about the situation, "Tension was pretty high yesterday for obvious reasons, that's all," that wasn't all but it was all Joss was willing to admit to, "-but we've had a few normal chats," chats where they weren't at each other's throats, she meant, "I just- yeah, I don't know, we don't always see eye to eye," she shrugged again, as if that would suffice in place of reasonable words. Yet another phrase to take Joss aback and although she was actively trying to use her judgmental face, that one was just a little but too much for her to breeze past. "Lesbian third eye?" she repeated, "That's a new one," she'd heard gaydar before but clearly Jude wasn't one for cliches. "Thanks," she uttered before Jude elaborated, "Oh," she uttered, almost under her breath a moment later, since it was too late to take back the gratitude. "Mhm," she hummed listening to Jude speak. She couldn't help but laugh then, "If you were me?" she asked, wondering what the fuck that actually meant, "If you were me, you would have never thrown a punch in your life," except for when she did Boss Boxing at her gym, which definitely didn't count. She wrinkled her nose at the reminder of her poor taste joke, "It was supposed to be funny," she attempted to assure the other girl, "Maybe it's an Australian thing- I'm just used to talking shit with my mates, I don't actually think any of you have crabs," unless any of them did have crabs, which would be fucked. No. No more judgement, she reminded herself. She was already on thin ice and if she kept striking out with the other girls, she'd have to find her own clams for dinner.

Gianna a party. gigi was unsure - she'd been to parties back home, but she wasn't certain things were going to work the same way out here. an island wasn't a bar, right? it didn't matter - she was already late because she'd taken the time to go for a evening swim. with sand piling up against her wet feet, gigi was wringing out her hair as she made her way closer to the sound of chatter and -...a good time? a little bit of excitement building up inside her, gigi eventually came upon the scene and was rather pleased with what she saw. seeing food and smiles on the others faces was enough to bring one to her own, and the swimmer's first move was to fulfill the growling in her stomach. praying for something other than meat for the offering, gigi almost jumped out of her skin at the sight of...mushrooms. she was a shit forager, so finding food right in front of her, especially something as good as mushrooms, gigi was a happy camper. the blonde instinctively reached out for a stick of mushrooms and proceeded to bring it over to the fire to warm it up. she passed familiar faces and offered a friendly smile in greeting here and there; she was a quiet person who only really opened when she knew someone well. finding a place around the fire a moment, gigi left the fungi stick sitting in the flames without thinking about it and leaving a second later to see what else was available. when she returned to the fire and pulled out her stick of mushrooms, the blonde was more confused than anything to find that the vegetables had been burned to an absolute crisp, almost inedible. "what the fuck...?" she muttered to herself innocently, but knowing that wasting food was considered practically a sin around here the blonde took a hesitant bite from the rubbery, dried out vegetable on a stick. at least nobody was witnessing her folly, at least she'd hoped.

Andrea Andrea followed the others' leads, taking some of the clams and tossing them besides the others. "I don't cook," she stated, matter-of-factly. It wasn't exactly true; she could make enough different meals to keep herself satisfied if she had to, even if they were rather basic. Glancing over at Gigi, she watched the girl take a stick with the mushrooms on it. It's burning, she wanted to warn her. But what did it matter? If she wanted to waste her food, she was more than welcome to. That's why they had rations, wasn't it? "Well, hope you enjoy eating charcoal," she laughed, scooting closer to add some mushrooms of her own. "You can't just throw things on a fire and not pay attention to them. That's how you get the whole camp on fire and shit -- you know that, right? Fire's not like your grill at home. -- Assuming you don't actually live out in the woods."

Shane shane looked up from the sand when she heard gigi and then andi’s words, her eyes falling to the burnt mushrooms. of course andi would try to be “helpful” in the bitchiest way. but as soon as shane thought that, she stopped herself because clearly she was just as much of a bitch since she caused joss to make up an excuse to leave the group. looking over at gigi, shane tried to give a weak smile. “hey it happens, we’re all learning. you can have my share if you want,” she offered considering she had no appetite to start with. sure, shane should probably eat, but she couldn’t even bring herself to think about it. maybe after they broke into the alcohol and weed, she’d feel better enough to eat whatever was left. she looked over at divya after she explained the activities for the night. really, shane would take anything that could help her get out of this funk. “let’s get this party started,” she said with the most enthusiasm she could muster up.

Gianna gigi scooted over and allowed some room for andrea to sit beside her, watching intently as the other prepared and cooked her own stick of mushrooms. it seemed so effortless, why couldn’t she do it right? fidgeting slightly in her seat, gianna listened to her explanation and nodded along in understanding, “of course i know that,” she clarified quickly, blinking back her slight embarrassment. shane’s voice broke through her confusion and she glanced over, eyes slightly widening at the sight of the girl offering her her food. swallowing the lump that had suddenly formed in her throat at the verbal contact, gigi struggled to find the right thing to say. “wow, really?” she asked quietly, taking the offered food . “i appreciate that. like, even more than when leia told han luke was just her brother, or when luke couldn’t kill anakin. well, i mean i guess you could say darth vader, but it’s been so long, if you don’t know at this point, you don’t -...” she stopped her nervous ramble, biting down on her tongue. “thanks,” she shook her head dismissively, before turning back to andrea. “is she still looking at me?” she whispered anxiously, thrusting the mushrooms into the fire once more without any thought.

Andrea Grateful for the extra space, Andrea made herself comfortable. She would never admit it aloud, but it was nice, having everyone together, actually hanging out, as if they were actually just a group of friends having a beach weekend instead of living in the seventh season of LOST. "Right, well, your technique needs work. -- Do you have another one? I'll cook it for you. That way you won't totally starve tonight." She knew that she had to be nicer... in theory. She didn't want everyone on the beach to hate her -- especially if they were going to be stranded there until they died. "Listen... I'm just hungry. Like, really fucking hungry. Didn't mean to be a complete bitch."

Shane shane tried to fight the urge to chuckle at the shock on gigi’s face when shane was actually nice to her. it was a rare occurrence that shane was, so she didn’t blame the other girl’s reaction. “yeah, no worries,” she said simply, passing her mushrooms over. “uh, right...” she said the star wars comment, shane had very little knowledge of the franchise other than she fell asleep during all the old ones. the new ones here okay because daisy ridley is hot, but that’s as much as she knows. shane nodded and went back to staring at the fire, wondering where joss and jude were.

Luna "I don't mind a bit of charcoal on the mushies," Luna commented from across the fire, looking directly at Andrea when she said it before glancing to Gianna. "It'll be like roasting them at home." She eyed off the clams. "Not so sure about them though." Her stomach still felt uneasy so mushrooms--burnt or not--felt like a safer option than seafood. "Never cooked things on a fire before. Who here has?"

Andrea Of course Luna wouldn't mind. The girl seemed to be content with pretty much anything. "That's why you've got your own mushrooms, then," Andrea offered. It was a simple enough response, and maybe Luna would get the hint that she wasn't adding to the conversation in the way she thought she was. "Of course I have -- you've had mountain weekends or whatever, right? Or like... bonfires for holidays or whatever? I know you don't have the Fourth of July..."

Luna Luna got the hint and shrugged, holding her own mushrooms over the flames. But as Andrea started talking about roasting food on a fire as if anyone must've done it, she felt her cheeks turn red. "No, I never had 'mountain weekends' or whatever," she replied. "And bonfires aren't really a big thing for holidays. Fire hazard, I guess, in summer. Besides, my parents didn't let me go camping or anything like that. And they probably thought being around a campfire smoke would be bad for me." She hoped they just sounded overprotective--which they were--and no one else would cotton on to exactly why.

Gianna brushing off andreas apology with a shake of her head, gigi handed over the new skewer after a second of letting it sit in the fire so that andrea could do it right. “thanks, andi...” she thanked andrea with a sigh? just wishing she had some good food in her stomach. gigi gave luna a shy smile in thanks and apology - perhaps andi wasn’t the best when it came to sensitivity, but gigi struggled to find friends who would tolerate her. “my moms the same way,” she offered to luna in understanding. “this is the first time i’ve ever been anything remotely to camping.” she smiled happily, as if the entirety of the situation wasn’t weighing heavy on any of their shoulders.

Andrea She took the second skewer from Gigi, scootching closer to hold it over the fire, turning it every so often. "How crispy do you want them?" she asked. But then she turned her attention back to Luna. Now that was something that Andrea couldn't relate to. Her parents rarely cared about those kinds of things. As long as she came home in one piece and texted them every so often, they seemed fine. That was, until everything else happened. "Your parents need to get a grip and try living in the real world for once. There's enough things out there in the world that can kill you. We might as well have some fun. It's not even the same thing as smoking cigarettes... so what's their deal?" She pulled the skewer out of the fire and handed it back to Gigi. "This good?"

Jenny Per Divya's instruction Jenny held onto their food stick even after their stomach felt more full than it maybe ever had, even though they'd only eaten a little. They poked at the sand and the fire a little as the group talked around them. Noting little details about each of them and the ways they interacted with each other. Wondering if Jude and Joss were ever coming back and not speaking up again until the conversation turned to cooking things on a fire. " I haven't either, not before being here. " They admitted, siding with Luna and Gigi. " Basically never left the city, and you can't really have a campfire in the city. " Though Jenny's reasoning for not camping was significantly different to their's, they still related to feeling inexperienced on the island.

Gianna andi seemed to know what she was doing and for that gigi was grateful, so she played it by her ear and let the girl decide when the food was ready for eating. “thank you,” she smiled widely when andi presented the food to her, taking it gently and waiting a moment for it to cool down. she had to agree with andrea on that one; parent sometimes could do to step back and let their kids experience life. at least that’s how she felt about her own mother. “are cigarettes really that bad for you?” gigi asked curiously, biting down on one of the mushrooms. then noticing shane, who didn’t have any properly cooked mushrooms, gigi felt a little bad. she’d remember to save the last few on the skewer for her. that’s what han would have done for leia. “you can if you have really big matches. the billboards probably ignite real easy.” she nodded towards luna seriously.

Jude some stretch of time later, jude had returned to the clam shack, joss presumably not far behind. she only picked up the tail end of the conversation - "i mean, they can kill you," she shrugged, "but so can planes, and we still got on one of those. carpe diem or whatever," she shrugged, taking a seat around the fire and grabbing another clam. "what are we lighting on fire with really big matches? the weed?" she asked, chewing on fish meat.

Alexa Alexa was finished with the food for now, saving some for after the weed has been blazed up so she can indulge freely and carelessly. If that ever happened apparently. As the girls talked around the fire, she pulled out a nail varnish and began painting away, she kept looking over the shoulder to see if Jude and Joss were on their way back yet and looked up only to witness Shane act like a really nice human being towards Gigi and wonder why she’d never been that nice to her. Andi being typical Andi made her smile a bit and she’ll blow into her nails as Jude finally returns. “Bitch finally, let’s go!” She shifts slightly to the left to allow space for Jude. After all it was a weed rule to always pass left, at least that’s what Max had taught her back in the day. “Cigarettes do kill but I’m pretty sure statistically you’re more likely to die in a car accident and like Jude said...we still be doing all that shit so, it’s one of those things...” she brushes her palms against her knees waiting for the spliff party to begin so she can lay down and look at the stars, eat and pass out. “Okay let’s go!”

Shane shane looks up when she hears jude join in the conversation; she wasn’t really sure what they were talking about now. but then her eyes moved to joss for a second before darting back to look at the sand like some scared puppy waiting for the other girl to yell at her or tell her off. “everything kills you eventually,” shane mumbled, trying to actually be apart of the conversation for once, “but i’m here for a good time, not a long time.” her words would be far too real and concerning if anyone truly knew how serious she actually was about that, but everyone has their secrets. she looked over at lex with a small smile, still expecting her to kick shane out of the circle for snapping at her the day before.

Luna "I'm down with a good time and not a long time," Luna added, her tone joking though she was entirely serious. "After all, it's not like our parents are here to tell us that smoking is bad for you." And quite frankly, Luna wanted to be high right now. To drift off, and not worry about anything for a while. "So let's do this."

Joss Joss wasn't sure what the conversation was about when she returned but whatever the subject, it sounded pretty bloody morbid. Everything kills you eventually? Jeez, Shaneo, maybe yesterday had had more of an impact on the brunette than Joss had anticipated. Maybe that was why she'd taken such offence to Jocelyn's words. Assuming that Shane was in a shitty mood was easier than taking responsibility for making an un-funny joke, after all. "Fair sure eating stuff straight from the ocean is worse than having a ciggie," she chimed, taking a seat in the sand and glancing around the circle at the other girls, waiting for one of them to tell her to just fuck off again. She regret her words then, looking over at Luna, trying to catch her attention as she signaled a thumbs up and a questioning expression, making sure that she was 100% good for it, especially after feeling crook for the last day or two.

Jude when joss said that, jude slowly drew the clam away from her mouth, eyeing it. this? a simple clam, worse than a cigarette? she raised an eyebrow at joss. "tell us the truth, joss. did you poison the clams?" she joked. "did my public display of affection for them just really get to you?" why would ocean food be bad for you? it's there for a reason, right? whatever. she shook her head of the thoughts, waiting for the weed to be passed over to her as she finished up her probably-not-poisoned clam

Joss Joss chuckled and brought her knees to her chest, her arms wrapped around them loosely, "Yep, you caught me," she teased, though she was pretty sure the idea of her poisoning everybody wasn't the best sort of gag to lean into when they already had plenty of reasons to think she was a dickhead. "I've been doing it the whole time, right under your nose," she added vaguely and with a light chuckle because she didn't really know anything about how to purposefully poison somebody and the joke was already getting old by now anyway.

Shane with the mention of poisoning and joss playing along, shane glanced over at jenny, almost nervous for their reaction. not that she thought they would say anything in front of the whole group, but still. instead shane looked back at joss and decided to go along with the joke. “looks like we’ll have some more bodies to move together then,” she joked at jill’s expense (rip bitch). part of her was hoping that if joss accepted her joke or even just smiled at it, it would mean that they were okay. at least for now, until one of them fucked up and said the wrong thing again.

Alexa As soon as Joss came back it was back to clam talk and Alexa had for one had enough of it. “Jude light the zoot or the most likely to kill thing will become me, yeah? Also guys it’s two hit pass, we have enough for everyone but no hogging alright...” she said, throwing a lighter over to Jude as she kept looking Shane and Joss over. She could have swore she saw Shane smile here way at some point but, it just have been a muscle twitch or something.

Jude jude caught the lighter flawlessly like the jock bitch she was, lighting up and puff, puff passing after a long inhale. "fuck, that takes me back to like two weeks ago, before i was stranded on an island," she said gleefully, exhaling into the sky. "yo, i wanna hear everyone's 'first time' stories. if you've never gotten high, then first time getting drunk or laid or something," she remarked, passing to her left. "first time i got high, i was, like, 14. it was so fucking stupid, it was this girls all-night sleepover thing the august before we starter high school, like a get to know you thing, right?" she explained vividly, looking around the circle. "and my friend remy's older brother was a total stoner, so she snuck a couple of joints in by putting them in her bra, and at, like, 4 am, we went to the school basement while everyone was sleeping and we just got high as fuck. when we were walking back to the gym, a couple of teachers caught us, right? but they'd, like, definitely been fucking. so they just kinda looked at us, and we looked at them, and they were like "go back to bed, girls," and we never got in trouble."

Joss There was no way in fresh hell that Joss was going to tell the story of losing her virginity when she was trying not to even think about it at all and she couldn't even remember the first time she'd been properly drunk. Joss' jaw dropped at the mention of the teachers, she couldn't imagine anything like that happening at her own school but then again, she couldn't imagine anybody getting away with getting high in the basement either. Actually, she couldn't even imagine anybody getting away with simply going to the basement or anywhere else that was out of bounds without a hiding. "My parents went away on this like- two or three day cruise thing up the coast and left my older sister in charge. She had a few friends over and one of them brought this shitty bong her brother had made and I pretended I smoked all the time- which was really stupid because my sister was sitting right there, knowing I'd never done it before. I didn't actually know she'd ever done it before either, at the time- I was like, maybe thirteen, I reckon?"

Shane shane chuckled lightly at jude’s story; sounds about right for a new york school. she was actually surprised that joss had a story to tell, she didn’t strike her as the type to get high at all considering how she held herself. shane didn’t really want to think about her first time, she spent the previous day doing just that. not to mention, her first time was with something much harder than weed. but the others didn’t need to know that. so she gave the watered down story. “summer before my junior year, my, uh, friend made me go to this party. we snuck off to a bathroom together, pretty sure we cut this long ass line too but she didn’t give a fuck. got high and went back to the party. best fucking night of my life,” of course everything went down hill from there, but no one needed to know that. she waited her turn for the joint to be passed to her and tried to focus on the present fucked up situation instead of the ones from the past.

Joss Admittedly Joss was surprised to hear that it had only been a couple of years prior, the first time that Shane had gotten high. Not quite as surprised as she was to hear about teachers banging on campus but surprised nonetheless. "On what?" she asked curiously, without realising it was the first time she'd addressed the other girl since her awkward exit earlier. "It's such a bad habit but after a few drinks, I always want a smoke- like a cigarette, not a joint- like if people are smoking I'll always steal one but I won't smoke weed at parties for some reason," she explained candidly, more honest than she had been about most things up to this point.

Shane shane balked at joss for a second when she asked for more details. not only were things tense between them, but shane thought she would have gotten away with giving very little details. “uh, coke,” she admitted, looked down at the sand, not wanting to see the blonde’s judgment. but she tried to keep up with the conversation to keep the attention off what she admitted. “cigarettes when you’re drunk just hit different. but if my coach asks, i never said that,” she joked, looked back up at the other girl. “why don’t you smoke weed at parties?”

Alexa She listens intently as the others describe their first time and feels a sting passing through her as she recalls her own. So far only Andi had actually known about Max having known her for a long time but, only Jenny had ever been told about him. She didn’t wanna say his name or speak of him so she joined in on other stories instead. “I’d have not pegged you for a party smoker either to be fair, but I mean you’re full of surprises girl so...can’t put that past you either.” As Shane mentions coke her eyes widen. “Oh shit really party animal, huh? I’ve never done coke, for some reason every dealer always assumed that’s what I’m after...” she shrugs. “I’m a pussy though, I can barely hold my booze you guys know...” she was pretty much a weed only kind of girl but occasionally she did indulge in some hash too. “I can smoke my weight in weed though guys be warned.”

Jude "i only did coke two - okay, no, like, four times. but i don't pay for that shit, i just take what's offered to me, it's too fucking expensive. shrooms, though?" she laughed. "that's another story." jude had dabbled in most party drugs she deemed "basically, like, harmless." weed was her go to, though. "fuck, i'd give anything to be in new york, doing shrooms in my car and eating pizza instead of here. no offense, guys. i mean, the poison clams are good and everything, but... it's hot as fuck out here," she explained. that being said, it almost didn't matter to jude where she was if she squinted her eyes hard enough. pissy here, pissy there. only difference is, now she's gonna die with a couple of australians.

Joss Joss nodded her head in simple acknowledgement, a look of understanding in place of a look of judgement. She should have been able to figure that one out, why else did girls disappear into the bathrooms in pairs if not to rail lines on the toilet seat? At Shane's comment she chuckled and nodded her head, this time in agreement, "Yeah, same here- if literally any adult asks, I don't even know how to hold a cigarette," parents, teachers, friends of parents, parents of friends and sporting staff alike didn't need to know a single thing about the partying habits of their teens if Joss could help it. "Um," she thought about it, perhaps for the first time then, "Yeah- I don't know, hey, I guess I just feel kinda like, maybe tired?" she offered, "I don't like feeling too..." she hesitated as the words 'out of it' stuck to the tip of her tongue. If she hadn't been so bloody out of it at Lucy's house, she wouldn't be on the island at all. "I like feeling energy at a party or music festival or whatever," she chuckled at Lex's words, "Yeah and to be fair- your weight in weed isn't like...a lot," she teased, "Apart from the dump truck, obvs," she added, careful not to devalue Alex's notoriously phat ass if she could help it. "Never done shrooms," she'd never even seen shrooms, as far as she knew. She didn't know where they came from or how people got them but then again, she didn't really know where any of the drugs they used came from, they just sort of magically appeared in the pockets of her friends and emerged when the time was right. She laughed at Jude's lamenting and raised her hands defensively, "None taken, I'd rather be in New York eating pizza too," she admitted but would she rather be at home? She wasn't sure. "Is it cold in New York right now- or hot? I don't really get your weather,"

Shane shane couldn’t even count or remember all of the drugs she’s done in the past two years. most of the time, she didn’t even bother to ask, she’d just take eliza’s word for it before doing whatever it was she bought them. she looked over at lex when she commented on it, “we’re all full of surprises, i guess,” she said with a half smile before turning her attention to joss. “yeah fuck that, adults don’t need to know any of the shit we do,” she said with a laugh. her parents would probably kill her if they knew exactly what she did at those parties. not to mention the real reason she had her pills. “shit jude, that’s the life though. nothing better that.” shane wasn’t a big fan of hallucinogens but she could appreciate them from time to time. “yeah, i’d be cold back home right now. probably snowing actually, which i guess i am glad that i’m not there for that bullshit.”

Jude "i like feeling slowed down. it's why i take adderall," she remarked, though, to be fair, she didn't mind feeling energetic, either, as long as it was a manufactured, intoxicated energy. anything to get away from her own head for a while, be it getting high and zoning out to CSI on the couch, or getting turnt and cleaning her entire house and smelling like cleaning products for twelve hours. "i'll drink to that," jude said, "fuck adults," she agreed, groping for the vodka and taking a sip straight from the vodka, giving a wincing grin at the feeling of it burning up her throat on the way down. "it's cold as fuck back home. but i like snow, though. i hate the hot weather, fuckin' humitidy and shit," she said. hot weather made her feel like she was boiling in baba yaga's stew. it made her feel guilty, somehow, like the air was gripping at her shoulders, shaking her.

Joss Joss cocked her head slightly at Jude's comment, "What is adderall?" she had heard about it on TV but she didn't really understand what it was for or how people got their hands on it- though Jude's words enlightened her a little; Joss had always thought it was like taking caps but apparently it was the opposite. "Like, I've heard of it," she clarified but she didn't have anything more to contribute than a vague awareness of the name. She chuckled once again, "Yeah, you'd fucking hate it at home then hey, it gets bloody hot and pretty humid sometimes- like not as bad as up north but pretty bad. This weather is pretty much like Queensland, I reckon," she noted, looking around the island, "-don't think we're anywhere near it though," she added, thinking of her conversation with Luna about the Southern Cross.

Alexa She smiles back at Shane with a nod, completely immersed in the conversation at play even if she didn’t contribute much. As she took the first hit of the zoot she could feel her whole body buzz and she remembered why she loved it so much. “I don’t really like being slowed down as much as I like...not caring? You know when you smoke and you just have the buzz and your mind is fully engaged into whatever the fuck show or video or conversation you’re into? Like that...I like that. I used to get high daily...” she smiles and nods towards Joss. “Got it from my mama...” she didn’t really but she thought a Cardi reference was due. “I like the cold too, I like the shitty moody UK weather with some hot summer months and then back to cold and depressing. But I travel a lot so...” she sighs passing the zoot. “I think I prefer the cold because it’s hard to feel productive in heat, I just lounge and think about like fun stuff to do and not shit that should get done. But then winter rolls in and it’s such a mood killer too like....I don’t know, I just hate the whole thing. Is there a place that has eternal spring? That’d be cool...” she shrugs realising weed had already hit her on the account of her speaking so much. “Still I’m glad this island is a tropical disaster as opposed to a winter one...at least my tan is fine and my clothes aren’t useless garbage.”

Jude adderall was so fucking common in nyc, jude was surprised there were still people who didn't know much about it. "it helps you, like, focus. it's for ADHD - which i've got, so mine's legal, baby - but some kids take it to pull all nighters and shit. if you have ADHD, you focus in, like, a zen, determined kinda way. if you don't, it's, like.... i dunno, crack? i mean, it's an amphetamine or something, which i think is, like... meth?" she offered. "listen, don't get me wrong, i'm glad we don't have to fight off, like, polar bears. i'm just saying, i don't love the tropical storms and shit, either. i feel, like... STICKY. all of the time. and you know what likes heat? bugs. i feel like one day im gonna wake up with an ant trying to live in my leg hair."

Joss Jocelyn thought about Alexa's reasoning and came to conclusion that Lex's reason for smoking was the reason Joss didn't like smoking at parties. While Lex felt more relaxed, like she cared less, Joss felt more out of control, like if she didn't care, she'd do or say the wrong thing. "I get that," she said, instead of admitting that she felt the opposite way. She was surprised to hear that Lex got high every day, however. Did her parents not care? Were they even around to have an opinion either way? She was sure she'd be shipped off to the Dawn of Eve a hell of a lot sooner if her parents even knew she'd ever smoked, let alone tried drugs or was getting high every day. It was crazy to think how different the girls sitting in the same circle all were. She listened to Jude's explanation of Adderall and it was a bloody good one if you asked her. She'd gone from knowing nothing at all to feeling pretty competent in the field, "I don't reckon it's a big thing at home, like I don't know anyone that's ever had it- or like, maybe they do for ADHD but none of my mates," that said, something to help her focus and study properly sounded like a God send. It would certainly beat sitting with her tutor for two hours straight on a Wednesday afternoon. "I'm the opposite, hey. I feel so unmotivated in the Winter like, if it's raining I barely want to leave the house but when the suns out it's like- go for coffee, go to the shops, have a beach day, go for a drive. Like, literally, I'll do anything just to get out of the house," she admitted.

Divya Divya was learning so much listening to the girls chat away. She really only knew of drugs and partying and the like through movies and TV shows, and she took that with a grain of salt knowing how much Hollywood liked to embellish things. Her firsthand experience with such things were abysmal. Awfully non-existent. Perhaps if her aunt didn’t play such a big hand in her life over the last few years, she’d have had a chance at having sharing some of the experiences the girls were talking about. But no, Divya led a very much sheltered life thanks to her aunt’s strict nature and conservative ideals. Whatever freedoms her mother had given her growing up was bit by bit stripped away and replaced with long hours revising, less time with her friends and barely doing things she actually enjoyed. More and more did those things take over her life until her aunt didn’t even have to lift a finger anymore, warping Divya’s way of thinking to the point where she believed she had to do those things to succeed. She shifted uncomfortably where she was seated on the sand at the memory of her former self. “So how does one smoke the... zoot... thing?” She asked, unsure if she was referring to it correctly. She just wanted something to do. Other than sit and listen. Maybe partaking wouldn’t be such a bad idea. Especially since weed was meant to relax you to her understanding. “Might be a bit of a shocker to all of you,” she said, sarcasm laid on thick, “but I’ve never... puff puff passed or whatever it was that Lex said.” Warmth flooded her cheeks at the admittance. “I’d like to try though,” she said, sitting up a bit. “My first time drinking was with you guys, might as well tick off another first while we’re all here with no adult supervision.”

Joss Jocelyn tried not to laugh, remembering the way her sister's friends had chuckled when Joss had almost choked on her first bong hit. With pressed lips, she tried to get the sound of 'zoot thing' in Divya's adorable accent out of her head. "Inhale slowly, exhale slowly- have a drink if you cough, it's just your throat saying 'what the fuck' basically," not exactly a clinical explanation of the whole concept but good enough, she decided. "-and you probs won't feel it at first but don't let that fool you, I made that mistake once with pot brownies and got so fucked I couldn't get out of bed- like, at one point I actually started crying because my mate told me I'd tied the string on my PJ shorts too tight and I thought I'd have to wear them to school on Monday," the same friend had blocked her on Facebook now.

Jenny As the conversation moved on, they stayed quiet. They'd always been much more a listener than a talker, much preferring to just sit and listen, waiting for their turn to take a hit from the joint. Since Joss' joke they were at least gonna wait a minute before touching the vodka she'd found a couple days ago. As the conversation continued to be people listing off all the things they'd done, specifically the drugs they'd done, they couldn't help but make a small joke of " So glad we're not playing Never Have I Ever again right now, I'd be fucked. " A chuckle falling from their lips as they did. They didn't look to Shane immediately when adderall and ADHD was mentioned, they didn't want to out her. But they did a couple moments later, just to check she wasn't freaking the fuck out. They found it hard to believe that the conversation then shifted to weather but they continued to listen, poking their stick in the sand. " I'm with Jude on this one. I think I'd take gross snow sludge over just feeling like I'm sweating constantly every second of every day. " They said, deciding to contribute just a little once again. Personally, they loved the cold. The only thing they didn't like about the winters they'd known was sludge. Then Divya piped up and Jenny also had to stop themselves from laughing at her innocence. Pressing their lips together so it couldn't escape but they couldn't hide the smile. Eyes moved to Joss when she instructed her on how to smoke the zoot thing, nodding in agreement with what she said. " Slow and steady, " they added, both in regards to breathing and how Divya shouldn't be fooled if she didn't feel it at first. They were amused by Joss' story but they didn't imagine it was really confidence boosting for the first timer. " You'll be fine. " They assured with affectionate tap of her knee with the back of their knuckles. " And if you do go a little too far, apparently you've got a whole team of experts to look after you. " They smiled at her.

Shane shanes jaw clenched when jude brought up adderall which lead to joss asking about her. she her eyes closing as she listened to it be explained, making a mental note that jude must actually have adhd and shane should be careful to keep her secret that much more of a secret. then the other equated it to meth if you don’t have adhd, which completely true, but shane wasn’t expecting to hear that so candidly. her eyes shot open and looked around the group before landing on jenny who was looking back at her. she gave them a look that said ‘dude i’m panicking, what the fuck’ but she couldn’t do anything about. instead she just let her hands clench into the sand and pretend to focus on the conversation without actually hearing them. maybe she should come clean, at least to jenny, that she wasn’t completely honest about why she takes them. maybe they would understand and they could talk about it. but maybe they would get pissed that she had lied to them. both options scared her. she tried to focus on divya, giving her an encouraging smile, but wasn’t sure how well it came off.

Joss Joss wondered what it was about Divya that made her so damn likeable. Joss hadn’t seen Shane smile like that before, in fact, Joss hadn’t been aware that Shane was capable of smiling like that. Maybe she was already high, that was the only explanation for the brunette’s sudden sense of camaraderie, Joss deduced. She wondered then, what she would have to do to be more like Divya, to be universally liked by the group instead of the golden standard when it came to motivating everybody to roll their eyes at once.

Luna Despite Luna's partying, she'd done relatively few of the drugs mentioned here. She'd gotten drunk before, had some weed, done a few nangs. Nothing major. Not adderall. Certainly nothing like cocaine. She was pretty sure anyway. She had no intention of ending up back in a hospital. Listening to the group, it was wild how different the experiences of all the girls was. "The stickiness is the worst," Luna agreed. "Give me a dry heat any day. At least after the rain it's a little less humid." Not much though. Joss was right, it was like Queensland. Or, rather, like that one trip her family had made to Queensland. Which had been cut short. Luna tried not to think about that. "Can I have some?" she asked to distract instead, nodding to Divya.

Divya Inhale slowly, exhale slowly. That seemed easy enough. Slow and steady, Jenny then added. Divya could do that. She kept their advice in mind as she raised the... 'zoot' to her lips, the thing pinched between between her thumb and index finger because she couldn't begin to know how to actually hold it. How did people hold cigarettes? How did people hold... zoots? Was there a manual when you were going into this or did people just instinctually know? Whatever it was, instincts or something else, Divya didn't have it so she kept Joss and Jenny's advice in mind when she put it between her lips. She inhaled slow, she would have exhaled slow too if the smoke didn't practically burn her throat. How did everyone make it look so easy? She pulled the zoot away from her mouth almost immediately, sputtering into a fit of coughs. "Oh my god–" Cough, cough. "Oh, that's horrid. It hurts." She touched her vacant hand to the base of her throat. She didn't expect it to hurt. Joss had mentioned 'cough' so casually, she figured it would be because of the smoke, not the pain. "Please, go ahead," she held the 'zoot' out to Luna, more than happy to part with it. Once it was handed off, she reached for one of the water bottles and took a couple of big sips to soothe her throat.

Alexa She watched as the others guided Divya to take her first ever hits off a zoot and her eyes glimmered with joy as the other did. Her head was feeling the effects of the plant and she leaned on her knees as the other coughed, laughing. “Here here...” she passes her the booze to follow down the water and smiles. “Hey you did so good! Coughing actually implies you done it right, how do you feel?” She asks, as if the other was supposed to have a full on report on it already. As the spliff moves on to Luna she will follow it with her eyes and pass her some water as well. Alexa was happy with how everything was working out, their full day of effort leading to some pretty relaxed atmosphere. She couldn’t even bother to care what sort of eye convos and low voice conversations some of the individuals were having. She was just happy everyone seemed happy, even Shane. Maybe things were changing, maybe they were all gonna get along better from now on. Weed did that. For once she wasn’t trying to get attention or say something ridiculous or be a part of the conversation. She felt okay to just be and to sit back and relax like she used to back in the day. Her eyes kept following the faces in the circle and she’ll look to her left, somewhat unaware of who was actually there. “Do you think we will all still hang out once we’re off this island?”

Oona Oona carefully watched Divya as she inhaled from the zoot. “I like it when it’s cool and sunny,” she said a little absently. It had been beneficial to observe how everyone else took part in smoking it, but Divya was also new to this. It might’ve been a little selfish and a little cowardly, but it was a comfort to know Divya was jumping in first (and hopefully Oona would be able to learn from any mistakes). It was easier to concentrate on than the primary line of conversation before it inevitably turned to the weather, which Oona was pretty sure was a byproduct of the drugs or not in and of itself. “It’s always pretty sunny back home, but we get hit by pretty intense blizzards and we’re stranded in almost three feet of snow multiple times a year.” Oona’s days were jampacked—school, then tutoring, then volunteering, then Bible Study—and her weekends weren’t all that much different. Her Church was not only filled with lifers who were raised in the faith, but with many people who were ex-somethings—drug addicts, petty criminals, recovering alcoholics. They actively turned away from a lifestyle of depravity and toward a clean, sober one with Christ. There weren’t many opportunities to pop pills or to take shrooms, or at least none that she sought out herself. Her brow furrowed when Divya started to cough and she winced at the word horrid. Oona reached out to rub soothing circles on her back as she drank from a water bottle. She blinked at Alexa’s question, not feeling particularly like she was included in that we, so she merely shrugged to allow someone else to answer it. She wouldn’t mind hanging out with them again. It felt like the first time in her life she was surrounded by honesty.

Shane shane watched as divya went for it and ended up coughing, but in a weird way, she was kinda proud that she actually did it. after all, divya seemed like the most innocent of the girls in the group along with oona. “everyone coughs the first time, right of passage,” she said in support. looking over at lex, shane thought her question for a second. she’s definitely thought about it with a few of the girls before; some more than others. “i’d like to hope so,” which was probably the most surprising thing shane has said this whole time, even more than the fact that’s shes smiled a total of three times today. “can’t really go through a near death experience and just forget each other,” she added on.

Gianna gigi wasn’t the most experienced partner. she had still been in that rebellious phase where she wore what her mother didn’t like and skipped swim practice and had a few shots at a party; drugs weren’t her optimal area of knowledge. so she just watched quietly as the girls passed around the weed, trying to keep her thoughts to herself - if she said something, chances are she’d probably make herself seem like an idiot. she’d keep quiet for now. “you guys do this, like...all the time?” she asked with a little awe, wondering how they led such exciting lives. “don’t you get in trouble?” gigi added, wishing she could be half as ballsy as some of the girls in the group. “i mean i’ve had mushrooms,” she held up her stick of vegetable, “but i don’t really feel anything when i eat them.” she shrugged casually.

Jude "yeah, i get in trouble," jude laughed, "why do yo think i was on that fuckin' plane?" admittedly, her mom never really cared what kind of wild shit jude was into, as long as it was safe. her uncle was a whole different story. jude's eyes widened at gigi's explanation of vegetables, and she laughed a little bit. "maybe you've just got a mad high tolerance," she speculated, knowing gigi had misunderstood them, but going along with it anyways, because she was an asshole.

Jenny While Jenny had managed to hold back their laugh when Divya had asked how to smoke the zoot, they couldn't when she started coughing and complaining. They could remember doing the exact same thing first time they'd smoked, and their brother telling them to shut the fuck up so they didn't wake the rest of the family. The clapped their hand against their leg in congratulations. " Now you're a deviant, just like the rest of us, " They mused happily, though Divya was far from the only innocent in the group as Gigi would prove in a few moments. Truthfully, Jenny didn't expect them all to stay in touch. Sure, they hoped they would. At least some of them. But they didn't think that would actually happen. Everyone would get back to their lives, their friends, and probably realise a lot of what they had in common on the island was just the island. They nodded along with what Shane said though, deciding to build on it. " I don't think I'll ever get on a plane again though, we'll have to come up with some elaborate pen pal system. " They suggested in jest, small smile tugging up their features. They weren't gonna be the one to bring the mood down. Their smile spread again as Gigi asked her question and Jude answered it so boldly. A chuckle falling from their lips. They decided not to answer it though, they didn't really want to reveal that there was more than drug use their parents had to be worried about with them. They chuckled again when she asked about shrooms, misunderstanding what the others had been talking about. " Special mushrooms, not really ones you eat with dinner. " They tried their best to clarify once Jude had their fun. They waited a beat but then they had a question, mainly for the innocents of the group but they'd be interested in what the others had to say too. " What's the wildest thing y'all have ever done? Like heart thumping in your chest, you know you shouldn't have, but shit, you might just do it again - wild? "

Andrea Jenny asked a good question -- one that she wasn't quite sure that she had the answer to. Instead of answering right away, she ate another mushroom of the stick, waiting for a moment to see if anyone had an answer. "I mean, there's got to be something, right? Even if you just... I don't know, had a beer one night when everyone was asleep. You've had to have done something." She didn't mean to push, but it was surprising how naive and innocent Gigi and some of the others seemed to be. Andrea wanted to share her own story. But she also knew that if she did, she'd be telling them all why she was on the 'retreat' to begin with. She wasn't sure she was ready for that yet. "I had a threesome," she shrugged. Maybe that would be enough to get people comfortable talking.

Shane shane chuckled at gigi’s question and jude’s answer that she gets caught. “my parents don’t know half the shit i do,” she said honestly. if they did, she’d probably be sent off to some boarding school or rehab or to a feminist retreat meant to strengthen young women into successful members of society. oh wait, that did happen. “it’s all about plausible lies and not getting caught.” nodding as jenny added on to her thought, shane agreed. “yeah they’re going to have to sedate me to get back to new york or else i’m taking buses the whole way. but at least we have modern technology to keep in touch.” she thought about the question, trying to think of a story that didn’t expose her party habits, when andi said she’s had a threesome. “damn, okay, kudos,” she said with a laugh. “i’m graffitied our rival school’s building before a big game. half my team got drunk and we thought it would be a good idea. everyone knew we did it but they didn’t have proof so we got away with it.” she looked around to see who would go next.

Alexa She didn't much like the idea of not seeing the girls again, but considering how the things were going she thought there might never be a need to worry about that as the rescue planes or boats or whatever the fuck were nowhere in sight. Still, she finds Shane actually acknowledging her rather encouraging and it perks up her spirit. "Well, I don't mind flying at all I mean...the chances of us being in a plane crash and surviving are ridiculously low as is...for us to be in one twice is practically impossible. I'll have daddy's plane pick everyone up, that should be less terryfing. And if needed champagne and sedation will be provided. To us...not, not the pilot. Maybe whoever organised the Dawn of Eve flight had that bit mixed up." she laughs and takes a sip of the vodka mixed into her coconut. As they speak of crazy shit they've all done, Lex feels it's her time to shine. She had an abundance of stories relating to Jenny's question and struggled to pick just the one so she took a note out of Judes book and decided to blurt out the last straw that got her put on the forsaken plane. "I fucked a ganitor during my dads fundraisor at the Louvre." she chuckles and proceeds. "I mean, that's what got me here. I have a lot of sex in public stories that may or may not include a Ferris wheel, downtown LA, a chess tournament...so Louvre maybe not the craziest shit I've done." she'll admit. "Anyways, I once stole an ARRI camera off a film set my uncle was working on just because I wanted to make YouTube videos in high quality and because I didn't want to get caught I sold it for parts on the dark web just to get rid of the evidence. Now, I know what you might be thinking...it's a lot of effort to get rid of a camera but, in my defence, my uncle is a dick and I was fourteen."

Gianna it hadn’t occurred to gigi that the girls were on the plane for a reason different from her own - another reminder that she wasn’t the only person on this island. “so, like the ones you have with lunch?” she asked with a raised brow, not understanding the insinuation behind jennys words. the mushrooms she had at lunch were the same she had at dinner - maybe she was just doing it wrong. shed have to ask andi about it another time, when she didn’t feel so out of the loop. listening to the others talk about their experiences, gigi smoothed her hair behind her ear and glanced at the flame of the fire. she wasn’t nearly as adventurous, no matter how much she thought she was. she wasn’t having sex with janitors (or anyone, ever, for that matter), and she definitely wasn’t destroying property. she had a long, long way to go. for a moment she wondered if she even belonged here. “i fought a cop once,” she muttered to herself and the fire, shrugging. it was all she really had to offer for the group - “the cop won.” she grimaced, sighing in defeat.

Joss Joss hummed thoughtfully at Gigi's question. She wasn't used to getting into trouble, not really. She'd been grounded a couple of times for staying out too late on school nights but she'd never done anything quite as scandalous as Jude or Lex had managed. Not purposely, anyway. She decided not to participate in the discussion, not wanting to make a mention of her reasons for being shipped out of Melbourne airport and on the way to the Dawn of Eve retreat, so she busied herself with putting her jacket on and stuffing her hands into her pockets to keep them warm instead of getting closer to the fire. Joss had been trying so, so very hard to not be outwardly judgmental of the other girls but the moment Gianna mentioned her fight with the cop, she just couldn't restrain herself anymore and her face warped into an obvious 'what the fuck' expression as she mouthed the words themselves. Was she kidding? She wondered as she looked around the group, hoping to understand the statement a little bit more clearly from the reactions of the others.

Jenny The fact that Andi just opened the gate with threesome was fucking surprising. Another chuckle falling from Jenny's lips, unable to stop it. " Okay, okay– good start. " They mused, nodding their head even if it had been completely far away from their own story they'd thought of, it was definitely a good start. Shane's didn't surprise them, they'd already said her whole life revolved around soccer, and they still thought it was a good thing. The listened with easy smile, arms holding legs to their chest. The craziness of Lex's wildest moment (or moments) didn't shock them either, they had expected as much. But the actual content was shit they never could have predicted. Lex's life sounded like sex Jackass, they didn't know how she could keep up with herself half the time. Then the most surprising of them all: Gigi. Gigi who still wasn't getting that shrooms were different from regular old mushrooms, had fought a cop. Their mouth dropped open a little, but different in the way that Joss' did. Jenny was impressed. It totally blew their stupid aquarium story out of the water, and they hadn't even told it. " No fuckin' way, I did not see that one coming. " They chuckled again, anyone who had interacted with Jenny in the past week might be realising quickly they started laughing a lot when they smoked. " You don't have to tell the story if you don't want but, like– just a pinch? Just a little context, please? " They asked, holding a hand up and pinching their thumb and index finger together to indicate just how much of a story they were after.

Andrea Andi was rather pleased with herself. She expected that most of the others would have good stories -- but that they wouldn't be willing to share them... unless someone else shared first. And it wasn't like she was embarrassed about the threesome. It wasn't the best sex she'd had, but it certainly wasn't the worst. As the girls went around sharing, she listened. It was impressive, hearing what some of them had gotten away with. Or... maybe that they hadn't gotten away with. "Gigi. No, you can't stop there. We need the whole story on that one -- how the hell did you get into a fight with a cop? I mean, kudos. But still," she echoed, after Jenny spoke. "Do you need something to help you loosen up? Cause we can make that happen..."

Libby as the weed finally made its way around to libby, she could literally feel the tension that she had been carrying for the past week ease away — or at least ease as much as possible under the circumstances. she found it kind of funny that the original purpose of the retreat was to straighten her out and get her to quit her drug use and yet here she was, up to her same old habits. libby’s lips turned upwards as she listened to gigi. “you fought a cop? ” gigi seemed so sweet and innocent that it was difficult to imagine her getting into some sort of altercation with anyone, let alone an actual cop. after andi spoke, she nodded. “yeah, agreed. gotta give us some context there. she thought about what she could share without getting too personal and finally deciding. “one time i shoplifted like..... a shit ton of stuff over a weekend long period. not sure how much but it was a lot.”

Gianna nobody had ever really been interested in gigi or her stories; it was a miracle if she could make sense of one. but she felt accepted and encouraged and the swimmer shifted in anticipation in her seat on the log. “last summer i’d gone to a party for a cousin of mine. it was really just a whole lot of us running around drunk while my aunts and uncles stayed inside cooking.” she began casually, before andi offered something to loosen her up. “no, it’s alright, i’ve lost a lot of weight, so my clothes are pretty loose already.” she shook her head with thanks before continuing. “my cousin knocked his brother into the grill when they were wrestling and set one of the lawn chairs on fire.” she went on, popping another mushroom in her mouth before handing off the last few to shane, as she had promised herself. “my aunt called the fire department, and cops showed up. i tried making it better, they don’t tell you that vodka can set on fire, so it didn’t make things better when i tried pouring it on to diffuse the situation,” she mused quietly, shrugging. “underage drinking. fires. cops. it took all of five seconds for a grown ass man to pile on top of me and restrain while i kept pouring vodka in the fire.” she mused with purses lips, remembering how she’d used all her power and energy to push a grown cop off her body and scurry to the other side of the yard. “that back and forth went on for a few minutes before i was eventually thrown in the back of his car and picked up at the station six hours later.” there was quiet, and gigi took a sip from her coconut with water to break the silence. “oh shopliftings fun. and it’s easy you just put the clothes back, like, a week later when you’re bored with them.”

Joss Joss had truly expended every ounce of energy she could spare, pretending not to be completely judgemental of Gigi. Instead of gawking at the other girl, however, she brought her water bottle to her lips to disguise her expression as she processed the information, bit by bit. Fuck me, she thought. She really didn’t know the first thing about these girls, did she? As she looked around the group, she realised just how foreign the rest of the Islanders were and wondered how many more stories of chaos, debauchery and God knows what else they shared between them. Then her eyes landed on Shane and she remembered something. Something that made her stomach stir uncomfortably. “This trip was my parents way of saying congratulations, that plus my birthday,” she heard Shane’s voice in her head, lying so easily. “So, Dawn of Eve really was just a- like a cute boot camp, hey? Scared Straight but with swag bags,” she voiced to the group, though her focus was mostly on the brunette, only shifting when she fell silent again.

Shane shane took the remaining mushrooms when gigi offered them back. finally allowing herself to eat something, and picked a piece of one and popping it in her mouth while she listened to the girls story. “jesus,” she muttered. she really didn’t think the other girl had it in her to fight a cop but the rest of the story kinda made sense. finally, shane was starting to loosen up and not be so stuck in her head as they all shared stories. that is until joss spoke. shane looked up to see that she was looking right at her. she remembered the conversation she had with joss a few days ago and how shane didn’t tell the whole truth to her. “something like that,” she mumbled before looking away from the blonde.

Krafty there was so much under the surface of each of the girls, shit even the ones she wouldn't have pegged as a troublemaker had secrets and she guessed that was kind of the point right? if they had been where they were supposed to be...at the dawn of eve they would have been forced into some kind of bonding but this, it felt more natural? like how it was supposed to be in a way. "damn gigi," she let out in a breath through the silence. "i didn't fight a cop but i've ran away from them more than once," she shrugged, "my friends and i spent the night in an abandoned amusement park...they tried to catch us the next morning but even with the asthma i run pretty quick when i want to," krafty chuckled. "i'm with joss, i think this retreat was just some bullshit fix yourself program." coming to that realization though, she couldn't help but wonder if her grandparents really thought that low of her. sending here on this trip to rehabilitate her. was she really that bad?

Jenny It's hard to say if Jenny was laughing at Gigi's story, the silence from everyone else, or if it was just because they were giggly but all the same they couldn't help the chuckle that tumbled forward as Gigi finished up the story. " Okay, yeah, that's wild. " They said, nodding their head and raising one of the boiled water bottles in a sort of cheers before they took a sip. Their head turned then to Krafty, once again easily impressed. " That's dope, dude. I've always wanted to go to like abandoned places and shit. " They didn't really care that no one else had the same energy as them, until Joss spoke, thinking she was coming to some sort of realisation. Brows furrowed a little but as they looked around it seemed a lot of the group was thinking something similar. " No. " They said at first, unintentionally a little bluntly as they tried to put together exactly what they wanted to say. " It wasn't like that for me. " Their situation was different, they decided. " I mean, I didn't wanna go but that's because it sounded like some lame sleepover kumbaya camp. But my parents wanted it to be a good thing, make me feel better. " Make some new friends were their exact words but they weren't gonna say that. " It wasn't a punishment, or like The Ranch or whatever, is what I'm tryna say. " They got to eventually, feeling as though they'd successfully got their point across once they threw the Dr Phil reference in.

Luna Luna loved listening to these stories. She liked to think she got up to wild things, but the truth of the matter was she was still sheltered. She snuck out, yes, but even so it seemed a lot of her life had been tame compared to the girls here. Except maybe Gigi and Oona. Well, maybe including Gigi at this rate. But as the topic changed, she frowned. That didn't sound like what her parents had wanted to send her on. Or anything they would send her on. "It wasn't like that for me either," she chimed in. "My parents wouldn't--They're super protective and all that." Luna looked at Joss. "They wouldn't let me out of their sight if they thought it was some kind of boot camp. They thought it was a good thing. A make some friends thing. It's the first time they've let me go anywhere without them. And," she added, thinking about how they must be freaking out, "I can bet it's going to be the last time after all of this."

Divya It took a bit for Divya to respond to Alexa, busy getting water down her throat and taking a breath after that ‘fun’ little new experience. She offered a what smile she could manage at Oona who was rubbing circles into her back. “Other than my throat hurting and the strange taste,” Divya shared once she felt confident enough to speak again, “not much different. How do you know it’s worked? Do I need to do more to actually feel the effects?” She felt a bit better over her reaction when most of the group assured her that coughing was normal and that it actually meant she had done it right. Perhaps even proud when Jenny clapped a hand against her leg and dubbed her a ‘deviant’. Divya the Deviant. Look at that, go her. Hearing everyone’s theories of what the Dawn of Eve actually was, Divya had to disagree with Joss and Krafty and agree with Jenny and Luna. “Same here.” A good thing to make her feel better, she agreed with that sentiment exactly. “My dad thought I could like, relax and make friends here, feel more confident in myself, before I had to go back to school later in the year. A treat, a fun thing, not... you know, a ‘fix yourself program’,” she echoed Krafty’s words for it. Yes, she’d gone through some things last year. But her dad wouldn’t. Sean wouldn’t. Neither of them would ever put her through... a boot camp? The thought was ridiculous. “Female-centric learning and growth, right? That’s what the lady said in the video. On the plane.” Not the mention the brochure. All ‘empowerment’ this and ‘awakening’ that.

Jude jude thought about it for a minute; she'd done so many things, it was hard to pick. still, she opened her mouth: "so, i was at this party, right? and i was drunk, and i'd skated there. and there was a pool. soooo, someone dared me to skate off the second story roof of andy tanaka's house into the pool - fully clothed. i did it, and i broke my collarbone and my ankle, some-fucking-way. just about fucking drowned, but this hot girl, she was a part-time lifeguard, and she hauled me out. i was conscious and everything, but she was all ready to do mouth-to-mouth, so i kinda let her. then i went to the hospital." "i got sent here for bein' a delinquent. but, like, i guess my uncle thought if he sent me to something less military school, and more 'female retreat,' i'd be more likely to buy into it or whatever. i mean, it's not scared straight or anything, i don't think, but i was definitely supposed to 'shape up and stop fucking around, jude' or whatever," she said, taking on a deep voice to mimic her uncle.

Andrea The others were raising some interesting points. But Andi wasn't sure what to think about the Dawn of Eve retreat. The way it'd been framed to her was that she didn't have a choice in the matter. She was going to go, and she was going to 'change her attitude,' or she'd end up having much more serious consequences. The retreat was a threat looming over the rest of her senior year. And while she knew why she was being forced to attend, she didn't quite realize that others might've been in the same boat. "So half of us believe the bullshit 'this is a chance for you to discover your true self and uplift other women and yourself' thing that's on the brochure. And the rest of us think this is some kind of punishment. Can't it be both? Some kind of retreat for us to like... bond over 'girl power,' but also... I don't know, put us on 'the right path' or whatever? Clearly all of our parents wanted us to get something out of this and come back different somehow."

#wilds.thread #queued

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