#i really really need to stop looking at replies to important topics it just breaks my heart

[suzakus-canon-wife]

God Twitter is such a genuine ceasepool of ignorance and beyond braindead takes like wtf is wrong with people genuinely so many people are so fucking heartless and gross

[cookiescribble]

Innocent Love

Flufftober Day 16: “Yes, No, Maybe” + bonus prompt “I’ve Got You.” (this one gets an actual title because i was planning on posting this as a regular fic)

A/N: I don’t think this is quite what the prompt meant (and the words are out of order) but I was already in the middle of writing this when we decided we were doing flufftober and had written that line so I figured I’d use it for this prompt 🫶🏻 - mod angel 

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Summary: After talking through some emotional concerns, you and Spencer finally feel comfortable getting intimate with each other. 

CW: very fluffy smut (18+), mutual loss of virginity, discussion/description of SA (based on the memories he talked about in 3x16)

~~~

You were sitting on the couch, originally watching a movie that had since been forgotten about. Your hands were tangled in Spencer’s hair, your lips against his, your kisses feeling like they were the air you need to breathe. 

You pulled away for a moment, both of you trying to catch your breath, your heart pounding as if you just ran a marathon. You looked at each other, letting out a little laugh, still holding onto each other. 

“Do you remember anything that happened in the last 20 minutes of this movie?” He asked, still laughing softly. 

You laughed harder, shaking your head. “No, I was focused on something way more important,” you murmured, grinning as you pulled him in for another kiss. 

He hummed against your lips, his hands automatically coming to hold your face, and you were back to kissing fervently. 

After a few more minutes of this, you slowly pulled him on top of you, never breaking the kiss, your hands tangling in his hair. You could feel his heart beating fast against yours, as you slowly slid one hand under his shirt…

Suddenly, he pulled away, wincing, his breath shallow and shaky. You pulled your hand back, holding it out in front of you. “I’m sorry, was that too much?” You asked, worried that you were going to scare him off. You hadn’t been dating for too long, and you didn’t want to rush things, but it had just felt… right. 

He hesitated, still catching his breath. “No… Yes? Maybe? I…” He sighed, and you could feel his breath on your face since he was still so close to you. “I don’t know…”

You reached up to touch his face, consoling him and giving him a soft smile. “Let’s stop for now, okay?”

He nodded, sitting up, running his hand through his hair and taking a deep breath. “Sorry…” he muttered, looking at you apologetically. 

You shook your head, putting your arm around him. “Nothing to be sorry about,” you assured him. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” he replied, his breath finally going back to normal. “I just… I-I don’t know,” he sighed, as if he was frustrated with himself. “I haven’t… I don’t…” he kept stumbling through starts of sentences he never finished. 

You pat his shoulder in a comforting gesture, letting him know you understood. You were trying to think of words yourself; you and Spencer had gotten far enough in your relationship that it was probably time to have a “talk,” but you felt shy about it. It was a slightly uncomfortable topic, especially since you didn’t know how to bring up your total lack of experience without sounding like a complete loser. 

He took your hand off his shoulder to hold it, linking your fingers together. The sweet gesture gave you the bit of courage you needed to keep talking. 

“So…” you started hesitantly, “do you… want to do… that, someday?” You tried not to blush, it shouldn’t be this big of a deal to talk about it. “Because some people don’t, and that’s totally okay too, and I really wouldn’t mind if-“

“No, I do,” he cut off your babbling. “I… I really want to try this with you. I just…” He took a deep breath, running a hand through his hair. “I don’t… have any actual experience with… that, but I’ve had some experiences kinda… related to that, and they were… bad.”

You were kind of relieved to hear the first part of that, but hearing the last part of what he said made you furrow your brows. “I… also don’t have any experience, if that makes you feel better.” You rubbed your thumb over the back of his hand. “But, the other thing… Do you want to talk about it?”

He closed his eyes for a moment, just letting himself feel your calming touch. “I just… I’m worried I’ll start to freak out.” He sighed, gripping your hand a little tighter. “It’s�� kind of a long story.”

“Well, I’m more than willing to listen,” you replied softly. “Besides, I’ve got nothing better to do.”

That caused him let out a soft chuckle, making you smile. “Okay, well… it started when I was in high school.” He stared into the distance as he talked, almost as if he was somewhere else, describing the events happening. “I was… well, less than popular in school, which I guess is to be expected when you graduate at 12.”

You nodded, giving his hand a little squeeze to try to ground him. You’re sure that wherever he was right now, it wasn’t a good place. 

He closed his eyes, taking another deep breath. “And… sometimes, people would just pretend to like me, and I didn’t know any better and I just believed them.” He gave your hand another squeeze. “One day… one of the girls in my class came up to me, and she said her friend wanted to meet me, and I was excited because I thought I liked her, and the idea of someone liking me was, like, unheard of at the time…”

You frowned, starting to soothingly stroke his hand with your thumb. He’d told you about his time in school being emotionally difficult, but he never told you any specifics. 

He opened his eyes again, still not looking at you. “So I met this friend at the time she told me, and when I got there… she was there, but it wasn’t just her; the whole football team was there, and…” His eyes were starting to water now. “And they… took my clothes off and they tied me to the goal posts… and they just laughed at me when I begged them to let me go.”

“Oh, Spence,” you whispered, reaching up to wipe away the tears that were rolling down his cheeks. “That’s awful.”

He sniffled, looking like he was trying to hold his breath so he wouldn’t cry. He reached up to touch your hand that was on his face, closing his eyes again. 

You felt your heart breaking at his story. How could people be so mean to him? Especially when he was so young and vulnerable.

You pulled him into a tight hug, stroking his hair soothingly. “It’s okay now, honey,” you cooed in his ear. “I’ve got you. No one’s ever going to hurt you like that ever again.”

“I know…” he sighed, his voice still a little wobbly. “But I just… can’t forget it, and when you started to take my shirt off, it just brought me right back there.” He hugged you a little tighter, burying his face in your shoulder. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to spoil the moment…”

You shook your head. “You have nothing to apologize for, Spence,” you assured him. “I would never ask you to do something you weren’t ready for.” You pulled back slightly to look at him, pushing his hair back so you could look in his eyes. “If you want to try to go further, we can take things slow, okay? We can take our time.”

He nodded, looking up at you with those big, sad eyes of his. “Yeah, I think I like that idea.” He gave you a soft smile. 

You smiled back, kissing his forehead. “C’mon, let’s finish this movie.”

“I think we’re gonna have to rewind it,” he laughed softly, sitting up again. “I barely even remember what movie we were watching.”

…

You both kept your word about going slow. Every time you were alone together, you started to slowly get further and further. He eventually got comfortable with you taking his shirt off, and you both got a bit more comfortable letting your hands roam. 

One day, everything seemed to fall into place, and you were both finally ready. 

Spencer had come home after a rare slow day at the BAU, and he scooped you into his arms immediately when he entered your apartment. 

He was on you instantly, pulling you close and kissing you, his hands gently gripping your face as you fell back onto the couch. You let out a surprised hum against his lips, your hands tangling in his hair as the kiss started to get very heated. You took his tie off, throwing it on the side of the couch. He let you unbutton a few of the top buttons on his shirt, eventually breaking the kiss to look at you with half-lidded eyes. 

“Can we… go to the bedroom?” he asked softly, panting from the intense kiss. 

Your eyes widened slightly. “Are you sure?” you whispered back, reaching up to touch his face. 

He nodded, putting his hands over yours. “I’m sure. If… if you want to, that is…”

You nodded immediately, standing back up as you both walked to the bedroom, Spencer pulling you by your hand as you both giggled excitedly. 

You closed the door behind you, and Spencer slowly walked towards you, pulling you in by your waist. He kissed you, slower this time, with more intention. His hands slowly slid up your sides as his tongue slipped into your mouth. 

You let out a dreamy sigh, hugging him tightly. You lifted your arms as you let him pull your shirt off, tossing it off to the side somewhere. You unbuttoned the rest of his shirt, and it joined yours on the floor as you fell back on the bed, Spencer quickly moving on top of you, his touch on your body feather light. 

His hands worked achingly slow, feeling every inch of you. Starting at your neck, slowly sliding down your arms, back up your waist… his touch so gentle you might not have felt it, if you weren’t paying attention. 

But, oh, you felt it. It felt like electricity was flowing through your body with every touch of his fingertips. He looked into your eyes as his hands kept roaming your body, you never thought you could feel so loved by somebody.

Eventually, his hands came to slowly push down your bra straps, making your breath catch in your throat. “Can I take this off?” He asked, his voice soft and sweet like honey. 

You nodded, sitting up so he could reach your back to unhook it. After a few moments, it joined the rest of your clothes on the floor. 

You looked up at him, and he was looking into your eyes. His eyes were slightly widened, and he seemed as though he was keeping himself from looking at you. 

You let out a warm laugh, reaching up to touch his face. “You’re allowed to look, Spence.”

He blushed as his eyes roamed down your body, leaning you back so you were laying down again. “You’re so beautiful,” he breathed, his hands resuming their search on your body. You closed your eyes, just letting yourself feel the sensation. 

Eventually, his hands reached your chest, making you gasp lightly. Your eyes opened instinctively as you felt him hesitate. “Is… is that okay?”

“Y-yeah,” you stammered, your face slightly flushed. “It’s just… new. But not bad.” You looked up at him sheepishly. “It feels… nice.”

He gave you a soft smile, his head coming down to meet yours, your foreheads and noses touching. His hands resumed the soft touch, making you let out a soft moan when he touched the sensitive part of your skin. 

He kissed your forehead, then your cheek, then started planting soft kisses down your neck and your shoulders until his lips finally found your breasts. You let out a gasp, your eyes closing as your hands tangled in his hair. Your heart was pounding like crazy; you wouldn’t be surprised if he could feel it from where he was. 

His kisses were achingly gentle, before his tongue started moving in circular motions. Your eyes squeezed shut, and you were letting out soft whimpers. Eventually, he made his way back up and gave you a soft kiss on the lips. 

You both looked at each other, giggling softly, feeling like two teenagers sneaking away on prom night. You felt giddy, but serious at the same time. This meant a lot to both of you. 

You bit your lip, your hand slowly sliding down his side before you started to undo his belt. He let out a shaky breath, and soon you were working on his button and zipper, pulling it down…

“Wait!” He exclaimed suddenly, making you pull your hand away, slightly startled. 

“D-do you want to stop?” You asked, worried you did something wrong. 

“No, no, I don’t want to stop,” he shook his head. “I just… can’t forget…” he trailed off as he pulled something out of his pocket, placing a condom on your bedside table. 

You blushed fiercely, that one gesture suddenly making everything feel more real. 

He settled back on top of you, reaching his hand out to gently cup your cheek. “Had to make sure that didn’t get stuck in the clothing pile,” he laughed warmly. 

You laughed back, touching your noses together again. “Well, is it okay if this goes in the clothing pile now?” You asked, tugging at the waistband of his pants. 

“Yeah,” he smiled, his face looking a little red. “All good now.”

You reached down to tug at his pants again, pulling them down as Spencer helped you slide them off. Your eyes wandered down his body, seeing something very prominently bulging in his underwear. Your eyes darted back up to his face, your cheeks turning pink. 

His hands were back on you, sliding down your sides before resting on your hips. “Your turn?” He whispered. 

“Y-yeah,” you whispered back, swallowing and nodding. You reached down to unbutton your own pants before Spencer’s hands were sliding underneath them, and soon they were discarded to the clothing pile. 

He got closer to your face again, biting his lip. “I’ve, uh, been doing some… research…” he murmured, sounding a bit flustered. 

“Research?” You repeat, laughing lightly. “What kind of research?”

“Well,” he started, his hand resting on your hip. “I just… really want to do this right. And I want you to feel good. So I, uh…” he looked a bit embarrassed. “I looked into… what women say feels good. And like, how to… get you… prepared…” he let out an awkward laugh, running his hand through his hair. 

You giggled, covering part of your face with your hand, your face feeling hot. “Yeah? And what did you discover?”

“Well, there were things they said help so it doesn’t hurt,” he explained, his hand trailing down your leg now. “So… I wanted to try it, because I don’t want you to be in pain while we do this.”

He was so sweet you could almost cry. Instead, you just nodded. “Okay… let’s try it, then.”

He nodded back, lifting your legs up and slowly pulling your underwear off. You looked up at him, a bashful look on your face as you lay bare underneath him. 

He took a moment to look over your body before clearing his throat. “Okay, so, the first thing they recommended was putting a pillow under your hips.”

You nodded, taking one of the pillows you weren’t laying on and handing it to him. 

He furrowed his brows, the way he did when he was concentrating hard on something. You picked up your hips so he could slide the pillow underneath you. 

“Comfortable?” He asked softly. 

“Yeah,” you nodded, adjusting your position slightly. Your hips were angled slightly upwards now. “What’s next?” 

“Next is to… get you… ready.” He reached up to  push a strand of hair out of your face. 

“R-ready?” You asked, your face a bit flushed. “So you’re gonna… t-touch me?”

“Yeah,” he whispered. “Is that okay?”

You nodded, biting your lip. “Yeah, it’s okay. I guess I’m just a bit… nervous. I’ve never had anyone touch me like that before,” you mumbled, looking away. 

“Me neither,” he replied, stroking your cheek with his thumb. “But, this is supposed to help you feel less nervous, on top of trying to get your body used to… something being… in there,” he chuckled awkwardly. 

A giggle bubbled in your throat, your face bright red now. “Right, yeah,” you took a deep breath, trying to prepare yourself for what was about to happen. “Okay.”

His hand trailed down your body again, watching your face for any reactions. He parted your legs, his hand resting on your lower stomach. “Ready?” He whispered. 

“Ready,” you whispered back, taking another deep breath. 

His hand trailed down until he finally reached the bundle of nerves between your legs, touching it tentatively. 

Your breath hitched, and you let out a little whimper. Just one small touch and you were already feeling your body react. Your arms reached out to wrap around his shoulders, hugging him for support. 

“Does that feel good?” Spencer whispered in your ear, his fingers pausing to make sure you were still okay. 

You nodded vigorously, threading your fingers in his hair, your faces so close that you could feel his breath. “Yeah…” you whispered back, your face flushed. “It… it feels really good.”

His other hand moved to stroke your hair soothingly as he started circling your bud, earning a soft moan from you. 

The juxtaposition between the innocent sweetness he was showing and the very not innocent thoughts you were having were starting to make your head spin. You didn’t think you could ever feel so good, but you were already getting so worked up that you couldn’t imagine yourself lasting much longer. 

After a few minutes of Spencer rubbing you achingly slowly, he whispered to you again. “I’m gonna, um…” He seemed like he almost felt too shy to say the words. “… put my finger in now, okay?” He cleared his throat, his eyes looking into yours. “It’s supposed to help stretch you out a bit, so it doesn’t hurt… l-later.” He was blushing, his awkward mumbling sounding very endearing to you.

“Y-yeah, okay,” you murmured, biting your lip. “I can handle that.”

He nodded, stroking your hair before he went any further. “Just relax,” he whispered. “It said that tensing makes it more likely to hurt.”

You took a deep breath, relaxing your body as much as you could manage. It didn’t help that he had gotten you worked up so quickly. 

He pressed your foreheads together as he slowly slid one finger in, making you hug him a little closer, letting out a quiet whine as you felt this new sensation in your body. It was almost like a slightly full feeling, except that you felt like you wanted more. 

“Is that okay?” He asked softly, his thumb gently caressing your cheek. “Doesn’t hurt?”

“N-no,” you stammered, deciding you’d answer his last question first. “It doesn’t hurt, it feels really good.”

“Do you think you can manage a little more?” He searched your face to look for any signs of discomfort. 

“Yeah,” you breathed, swallowing. “I think I can.”

He nodded at you, pressing his face to yours as he slowly slipped another finger in. 

You let out another soft whine, holding him a bit tighter. He looked at you, silently asking a question. “I’m alright,” you whisper softly. “It feels good.”

He pressed a kiss to your forehead as he started moving his fingers, the new sensation filling you with excitement, already feeling like you were close to coming undone. 

“Spence…” you moaned softly as he suddenly kissed you hungrily, his tongue in your mouth causing you to tangle your fingers in his hair tightly. 

You didn’t think anything could feel this good, his fingers thrusting in and out of you, hitting you where it felt the best every time as if he was an expert. You felt something building in your stomach, your toes starting to curl as you let out a string of moans and whimpers. 

You pull away from the kiss, breathing shakily as you try to speak. “Spence… I-I’m…” you squeezed your eyes shut as you suddenly felt overwhelmed by how much pleasure was coursing through your body. 

Spencer ran a hand through your hair, the gesture very gentle compared to the relentless way his fingers were moving inside of you. “Just let it happen. I’ve got you,” he murmured in your ear before his lips were back on yours, his thumb gently stroking your cheek. 

The tenderness in his voice and feeling of his lips and the movement of his fingers finally sent you over the edge, moaning loudly as you felt waves and waves of pleasure crashing through your body. Your back arched off the bed as you got lost in the pleasure, almost feeling like it was never going to end. 

Finally, you felt yourself come down, panting as you tried to process what just happened. You’d never really felt that kind of sensation before.

Spencer was looking at you in awe when you finally looked back over to him, also seeming to be processing what just happened. 

You blushed, feeling a bit shy after all that. It made you feel more exposed than taking off your clothes had. 

After a few moments, he broke the silence by whispering, “You’re so beautiful.” He pushed your hair back, getting a better look at your flushed face. 

You smiled sheepishly, your heart warming at how sweet he was. He was really good at comforting you during such a vulnerable time. 

“So, uh…” you started, absentmindedly running your finger up and down his arm. “Do you think that was… sufficient?” You chuckled awkwardly, feeling like you sounded ridiculous. 

He was also blushing, his voice warm and sweet. “I hope so,” he laughed lightly back. “Do you feel… ready?”

You leaned in, looking into his eyes. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt more ready for anything in my life,” you murmured. 

You both smiled at each other, Spencer’s face getting more and more flushed as your hand traced down his side to his hip. 

“It’s not fair that I’m the only one not wearing any clothes right now,” you teased as your fingers stopped right under the waistband of his underwear. 

He bit down on his tongue, his hand moving to help you finally take off the rest of his clothes. 

Soon, you both lay there, completely bare. Your face was a bright red, your eyes widening automatically as you looked over his body. You moved your eyes back up to his face and he met your gaze, pressing his forehead to yours and gently cupping your cheek. 

“Are you, ah…” You felt a bit embarrassed as you spoke. “Are you sure it was enough… preparing?” As stereotypical as it sounded, you were having trouble imagining him fitting inside of you.

He smiled softly, tangling his legs together with yours, the sense of closeness feeling reassuring to you. “You can tell me if it hurts… I want you to tell me if it hurts, okay? Or if you changed your mind-“

You shook your head, cutting him off. “I didn’t change my mind. I promise.”

He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into another kiss, slowly moving on top of you so he was straddling your waist. You stifled a moan when you felt something hard pressing against your stomach.

After a few more moments, he pulled away slightly, his mouth still inches away from yours. “Okay, I… I’m going to…” He trailed off as he sat up a bit more, his hand right next to your face as his other reached for the condom on the table. 

You felt a bit embarrassed just staring at him, but you kind of couldn’t help it. “So, there’s like… a right and a wrong way to wear it, right? I remember being taught that in high school.”

He nodded, tearing the wrapper open and starting to slowly roll it down his length. “Yeah, I’ve been, uh… practicing,” he admitted sheepishly. 

A giggle bubbled in your throat as you thought about what that “practicing” meant. For some reason, it excited you how much he prepared for this. It meant that he really cared a lot for you. 

After it was on, he came back down to face you again. “Ready?” He asked softly, his hand finding yours and interlocking your fingers together. 

You gave his hand a little squeeze. “Ready,” you replied, nodding determinately. 

He looked into your eyes as he slowly pushed himself in, both of you letting out a little gasp as you finally joined your bodies together in this intimate harmony. 

You let out a little whimper when he was all the way in, feeling perfectly full. You fit together perfectly, like you were made for each other, as cliché as that sounded. 

After a few moments of just staying like that, your foreheads pressed together as you both adjusted to this new feeling, Spencer spoke breathlessly. “Does it hurt?”

You shook your head. “No, it doesn’t hurt. It feels… amazing,” you admitted, whispering to him. 

He smiled softly, reaching up to tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear with the hand that wasn’t holding yours. “Can I start moving?”

You nodded quickly. “Please,” you practically begged, your body already aching for this pleasure that was only just starting. 

He wasted no time, his eyes closing as he started a steady rhythm, his movements almost achingly slow. 

He leaned his head down for another heated kiss, letting out a quiet moan against your lips. You squeezed his hand tight, matching his moan as his thrusts started getting a little faster. 

You could immediately feel the pleasure building inside of you again. He was able to hit the exact spots that made you whimper and moan, and hearing his own muffled noises of pleasure against your lips was making you feel dizzy. 

After a few minutes, he pulled away from the kiss to bury his face in your neck, his movements starting to get erratic. He sounded like he was mumbling something to himself, his voice vibrating against your neck. You think you heard him listing some of the periodic table elements, which could’ve almost made you laugh if you weren’t so lost in the feeling of him. 

“Spence…” you whimpered, trying to pull his head up to press your face against his. “It’s… I…” You tried to convey the feeling building inside you as you felt yourself getting more and more worked up with each of his thrusts, but you couldn’t even form a cohesive thought. Instead, you squeezed his hand tighter, letting out a loud moan. 

Thankfully, he understood you, and you could feel his hair tickling your forehead as he nodded. “Me too,” he breathed, his voice slightly whiny. “God, me too.”

You wrapped your arm around him, the movement of his hips getting faster and faster as the room was filled with the noises you both were letting out. 

Finally, you couldn’t take it anymore; your back arched, pressing your body against his, your feet tangling together as you felt his tensing against yours. You felt yourself hit that high for the second time tonight, your hips moving to meet his as he moaned loudly, his hips shuddering as he came right there with you, the frenzied movements dying down until he finally stopped, collapsing on top of you. 

You were both panting, trying to catch your breath after such an intense moment. He let go of your hand to wrap his arms around you, pulling you into a tight hug as he buried his face in your neck. You reached up to gently stroke his hair, your other hand absentmindedly tracing patterns on his back. 

You stayed like that for a few minutes, keeping each other close, your hearts thrumming in your chests against each other. His body was warm on top of yours; he almost felt like your personal weighted blanket. 

Eventually, Spencer lifted his head up to look at you. As you met his eyes, you both let out a little giggle, the giddiness of what you just experienced really hitting you. He moved so he was laying on his back, scooping you into his arms as you curled up into his side. 

“That was… wow,” you finally broke the silence, a big smile on your face. 

He smiled back at you. “Incredible,” he finished for you. “I… I never thought I could feel quite like that.”

You reached up to cup his cheek, your tone slightly teasing. “Your ‘research’ didn’t prepare you for that?”

He laughed warmly, pulling you closer against him. “Nothing could’ve prepared me; you’re a one-of-a-kind person, and everything with you just feels so… special,” he gleamed at you, putting his hand over yours. “I… I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” you breathed, getting slightly teary-eyed. You weren’t prepared for just how emotional this would make you. “I can’t imagine myself doing that with anyone besides you.”

“Agreed,” he nodded, his tone soft as his thumb wiped away the tear that was forming. “You okay?”

You nodded, turning your head to give his hand a little kiss. “Yeah, I’m okay,” you smiled softly at the comforting touch. “Just feeling a lot of emotions, I guess.”

“That’s normal,” he replied, pushing your hair back so he could look at you better. “The hormonal release can cause a flood of emotions, sometimes causing postcoital tristesse. It’s normal to feel some anxiety or sudden sadness-“

“It’s not sadness,” you cut him off. “I’m crying because I'm so happy.” You smiled wide, nuzzling his nose with yours. 

He couldn’t help but smile back, his eyes closing as he nuzzled your nose back. “That can also happen. I’m glad that’s the one you’re feeling.”

“Me too,” you sighed contentedly, resting your head on his shoulder as you closed your eyes, exhaustion suddenly hitting you. 

He let out a warm laugh as he saw you getting comfortable, hearing the drowsiness in your voice. “How about we get dressed and go to sleep?” he whispered. “I think we’ll both sleep really well tonight.”

“Mhm…” you mumbled, trying to will yourself to sit up after your body suddenly felt really heavy. “Yeah, I think that’s a good idea.”

After a bit of effort, you both got up to change into your pajamas, stealing a few quick kisses as you did so. You settled back into bed, snuggling up under the covers, whispering “goodnight”s before you both fell asleep almost instantly. 

After that night, you were practically inseparable. This had basically become a nightly routine; you tried out a whole bunch of positions to test what felt the best for both of you. His favorites were the ones where he could hold you in his arms. 

It always ended with lots of snuggling afterwards, the intimacy making your relationship even stronger than it was before. You never thought you could feel this much love for someone, but you felt it every day with Spencer.

[swiftsdelucaa]

Hello!

I was re-watching greys firsts seasons and saw that scene with izzie and george when she hugs him and says "i want you to be happy, if callie makes you happy then go be with callie".

So maybe you could could make a jackson avery finding out that his ex is getting married to alex karev and he feels like his world is falling apart?

Maybe they broke up because he was falling for kepner and she started hanging around with alex and he was like "i would never let you go if you were with me"

Alex and y/n are engame :)

❛ 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒐𝒏𝒆 ❜

𝙋𝙖𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜: Alex Karev x reader ♡

𝘼/𝙣: Yes omg sorry I haven't died, I'm lowkey back now 😭 Hope you like it btw !

Since the day you and Alex decided to get married every day seemed to be so good for you. Believing it was still difficult, but indeed it was all real and you were so happy.

Alex Karev getting married? Hell, you must have really changed him. When you and him started to hang around and getting close he made you feel like the luckiest girl ever, which was difficult to believe. It was a moment where you were still feeling so bad from your last relationship.

Jackson had been one of the most important people in your life, of course you couldn't forget it. But he chose someone else. And that hurt you a lot.

You found so much comfort in Alex that actually you didn't even think was possible, but he suddenly became so important to you. At first it wasn't really easy, you knew he wasn't really a people's person, but you found a way with him and he was always the best with you.

The moment where everything started was maybe one of the cutest that you could've never forget. It was a late evening and you both have had a long ass shift; between random but nice talks he couldn't stop listening at you yapping even if he was so tired, he just loved that, he loved every simple little detail of you.

“Damn, I would never let you go if you were with me” those words had came out of his mouth in such a spontaneous way that you finally understood he was the one, well just the one you really needed. And look at you now.

However, the news had already spread in the whole hospital and everyone looked so excited for you two. Everyone but Jackson. You couldn't understand why as you both moved on, yet his reaction was so... cold. You decided not to touch the topic, after all it would have been useless. This was a new chapter of your life that you clearly wanted to enjoy.

When Jackson had heard about you and Alex he couldn't exactly describe what kind of feelings started to manifest inside him. All that you had was perfect and he screwed up everything, he knew that. And right now it seemed like if the idea of you with someone else was unacceptable.

Today you had to scrub in together in a surgery, it didn't bother you that much. Luckily for the whole time in that room everything stayed professional. Just silence and medical talks. Until the end of the operation.

“So” he started as you two were still scrubbing out “You and Karev...”

“What?” he did it. He had started with that and you couldn't believe that.

“Nothing, just... I'm actually happy for you guys. But don't you think you're rushing a bit too much?” he went straight to the point.

“No. He really loves me Jackson, and so do I” you simply replied. You could still feel his gaze on you. “And you are the last person I'd rather to talk about this honestly” you then said.

“I didn't mean anything else with that Y/n, I just want you to be happy. And if Alex makes you happy then go and be with Alex” his tone sounded really honest as he pronounced those words.

“Well, thanks, but I didn't need your permission. Like you didn't need mine to run to Kepner. But what matters now is that we are both happy I guess” you took off your scrub cap. “See you around” was the last thing you told him before leaving the room. As you walked out you let out a deep sighed, thinking about the last five minutes. You and Jackson never had a real conversation after the break up, so this felt almost right. Maybe you needed it.

Jackson watched you leave, knowing well he couldn't do or say anything else. He couldn't accept the fact he was losing you, but he had already lost you.

After your shift was done you came back home to Alex, who was already there. He smiled at you when he saw you walking in and got up from the couch. He greeted you with a soft kiss that you reciprocated. Then he looked at you, noticing a hint of overthinking in your face.

“Is everything ok?” he asked.

You looked at him, your lips curved into a smile as in that moment you were able to forget the whole day. “Yes... Just tired” you gave him another little kiss.

For the rest of the evening you've been laying in bed together and dicussing about some details for the wedding, you two had so many different ideas, but it was funny. That was definitely the best part of the day.

[calicoheartz]

Embracing Truth ; Paige Bueckers ┈﹒

꣑୧ — summary | paige helps her gf come out of the closet 💐💌❤️

wc ; 870

— warnings | smalll hints of homophobia , anxiety related topics , mainly fluff + established relationship

my master list ㇀♡

1) i am sooo sorry for not responding to ur request anon! I accidentally deleted it from my drafts :(

a/n : this was so sweet and cute to write 🥰 this definitely healed something in me. Enjoy ◡̈

Paige sat on the edge of the bed, watching as her girlfriend, y/n, paced nervously back and forth between the blondes dorm. She could tell something was weighing heavily on your mind, and her instincts told her it was something serious. 

You and Paige had been dating since your second year of college, meeting during one of your shared classes. You knew you had always been into girls, often experimenting with them in highschool. But there was one problem, your parents didn't know.

They weren't necessarily homophobic per say, but to be fair the conversation of you being gay never was a topic of conversation. But the idea of one day having to tell them terrified you, especially since you knew the relationship with your girlfriend was becoming serious.

“Y/n, what's wrong?” Paige asks, snapping you out of your thoughts as she stood up and placed a gentle hand on your shoulder to stop your pacing.

You took a deep breath, looking up at your girlfriend with tears welled in your eyes managing to croak out , “I don't know Paige, I really need to tell my parents… I need to tell them about us. But I'm just afraid that they won't accept me, accept us. What if they kick me out? Disown me??”

Paige’s heart ached at the sudden fear that lingered in your voice,  as she pulled you into a warm, comforting hug, holding you tightly. “Hey, it’s going to be okay. I’ll be right by your side every step of the way. We’ll get through this together, I promise.”

You nodded, feeling a sense of relief wash over you, knowing that Paige would be there for you, and be by your side. “Okay,” you whispered, “Okay, let’s do this.”

A few days had passed since you had the conversation with your girlfriend, part of you wanted to procrastinate for as long as possible, because they would eventually find out regardless of when they were told. But your subconscious knew that now was the time, especially since you were serious about the blonde. You had to embrace the truth, your truth.

You and Paige drove over to your parents house one Friday evening, in the hopes of possibly sharing this important news over dinner. You were a bundle of nerves, but the blonde held your hand reassuringly as the two of you began to walk towards the front door. You took a pause, hesitating to ring the doorbell , after gathering your thoughts, you gently pressed on the round button in front of you, revealing a small chime in reply. You were soon greeted by your parents, who were surprised but happy to see them. 

“y/n, Paige, what brings you here?” your mother chirps. Hugging the both of you before inviting you two inside.

As you walked through your house, skimming past the dining room and making your way towards the living room, you plopped down on the couch before breaking the silence, “We have something we need to talk to you both about” your voice trembling slightly.

Once the rest of them had joined you on the couch and surrounding seats, you took a deep breath and began to speak again. “Mom, Dad, you know how I’ve known Paige since freshman year of highschool? And how we’ve spent a lot of time with each other since then..” the two of them nodded in response before you continued, “well.. I realized that I like her  more than a friend way. What I’m trying to say- I’m saying is that I’m with Paige. Like we’re dating..” your voice trailing off before facing them both in the eye, as your eyes had been previously wandering and focusing on different objects in the area. “Im gay.”

There was a brief moment of silence as your parents processed the information. You feared the absolute worst as the seconds of silence passed by, but then you mom spoke up, her voice filled with love and acceptance. “Sweetheart, we love you no matter what. We just want you to be happy.”

You couldn't hold back your tears as you hugged them both, feeling an overwhelming sense of relief and gratitude. Paige wrapped her arms around them all, feeling grateful to be a part of such a loving and accepting family.

After the initial shock wore off, your parents welcomed Paige with open arms, eager to get to know her now officially as their daughter's girlfriend. You all spent the evening talking and laughing, and you couldn't have felt more loved and accepted. 

As the night came to a close, and as the both of you drove back to the blondes dorm, you couldn't stop smiling. Your heart was full of love for Paige and your family, as you squeezed her hand as a way to silently say I love you.

“I love you, P,” you whispered quietly, your voice filled with emotion. “I love you too, y/n” Paige replied, squeezing your hand back gently. “I'm so proud of you.”

And in that moment, that's when you knew that no matter what challenges you both faced in the future, as long as you had your girlfriend by your side, you could handle anything.

as always, thank you guys so much for reading!! don't forget to leave reqs :)

[angsthology]

“and this is...?” — or an alt title: secret santa time (and maybe santa’s secret too?)

it’s that time of the year!

a/n hehe this was fun to write and i had more fun looking for gifts for her

THE KANGAROO VS. THE WORLD

“who is it?” the interviewer asked, trying to read the expression on the driver’s face as she reads the small piece of paper.

she nods with satisfaction, turning the paper around to face the camera. on it read: oscar piastri.

“i’m actually alright with this.”

“yeah?”

“yeah, i feel like i could do this. i’m happy with this.”

“would you consider yourself and oscar close?”

the driver made a face in thought before she spoke, “uh—not really. i mean, if i’m being honest, i haven’t really been that great of a person this entire year—like, i’m just going to say this, cause, y’know, it’s not really a secret, everyone’s noticed it: i’ve been pretty distant from everyone so really, i haven’t exactly took the time to get to know this year’s rookies, especially oscar.” she paused, mulling over everything she just said, “why did i feel like i just ended up oversharing?”

she chuckled awkwardly before (still very much awkwardly) leaving—she bowed her head slightly, for some reason.

“okay, i was definitely way ahead of myself.”

the younger girl looks up from her textbook to see her friend flopping down on the single couch on her front left, huffing then turn towards her.

“help me.” she said, then noticing the large textbook in her hand, giving her a judgy look, “what the hell are you doing? it’s winter break.”

daisy-mae rolled her eyes, “for you, yeah, me; i still gotta suffer for a couple more weeks.” then remembering something, “actually—no, you’re in this too!”

she shrugged meekly, eyes turning downward avoiding her friend’s slowly death-turning glare.

“no!” the brown-haired girl whined in disbelief.

“yeah—”

“dude!”

“sorry, chee.”

“you graduated early?!”

“i’m sorry, okay! they offered me and by proper calculations it was the better option! i was dying enough already this year i needed to at least let go of one weight!”

daisy-mae scoffed, “is there anything you can’t do?”

from across the room came a snort, “math.”

the racer pointed at her standing friend in agreement.

“whatever.” she huffed, going back into her book. “—congratulations. can’t believe you didn’t tell me.”

“i didn’t see the big deal.”

oh now she really brought her out.

at that, daisy-mae abandons her textbook and faced her friend, “are you kidding me?! you graduated university all-the-while being a very busy athlete? it’s more than important! we could’ve celebrated!”

roo couldn’t help but smile at her best friend. she truly didn’t deserve her.

nika, unbothered to the previous conversation, walked over with an open tub of ben and jerry’s and flopped down next to where daisy-mae sat on the large couch.

“we’re getting off topic here—”

“dude! that’s my last one!”

ignoring the flat-owner’s complaint, she continued after a spoonful of the ice cream, “—so, piastri?”

at that, roo covered her face and groaned loudly.

“so dramatic.” commented nika, grabbing another spoon, “he is australian, correct?” by now the racer had moved seats and snuggled herself next to the last spot on nika’s right on the couch—the three of them now smushed together on the same couch.

“yeah, so?” she replied, taking the spoon off of her friend’s hand and grabbing one bite of her own.

“get him a big jar of vegemite or something,” she says as she swallows her ice cream and snatching the spoon back from roo.

the latter blinked, the girl on the other side of the couch stopped in her tracks too, both of them then slowly turning their head to look at the girl in the middle happily scooping another spoonful.

roo then moved her eyes to look at daisy-mae instead, “is it bad that i’m considering that as an option?”

“a little.”

then, out of the blue, the racer’s eyes widened in revelation and without saving another word she bolted off the couch into the corridor into all the rooms. leaving nika and daisy-mae to stare at each other in confusion.

minutes later, she came back holding a basket of her (daisy-mae’s) crochet supplies.

the two girls paid her no mind as they all went back to their own things.

“tada!”

nika, unable to hold it in, accidentally let a squeak escape her.

roo’s shoulders slumped at that, her expression falling to an unamused one. “you’re the worst.”

“i’m sorry, i’m sorry! it’s cute! seriously,” then she burst out a little (big) laugh, “like a toddler had made that.”

“alright,” still very much unamused, she dropped the attempted kangaroo crochet in her hand to her side then moving to walk away.

atticus, ever the great friend he is, walked over to her front and grabbed both her shoulders affectionately, “it’s okay, it really is cute. it’s the thought that counts.”

“sunny, i assure you, no one wants my thought.” she countered, walking away towards the couch. “may as well order that vegemite now.” she grumbled, sitting next to the cat and dog happily snuggling on her couch. petting the cat, she complained once more, “i don’t get it, i can literally crochet anything else but a kangaroo? i’m the kangaroo.”

confused, nika furrowed her eyebrows—now sitting comfortably on the couch next to her friend, “the hell does that gotta do with anything?”

“it means that, if i’m the kangaroo and i can’t crochet a kangaroo what does that mean for myself—like, do i even know myself?”

the other three in the room blinked, looking at each other as if the other would have an answer.

alas, nika was the first to comment, giving the racer a judgy—and confused still—look, “you just gave me an aneurysm. look; it means nothing, okay? just because you have a psychology degree now does not mean you gotta overanalyze everything, seriously.”

taken aback, she looks at her friend, “have i really been doing that?”

“yes. now just wrap the damn gift.”

“wow.” the australian opened the paper bag and grabbed the first thing he saw. holding it up with his hands, he inspects it closely, “this is…” he trailed off, still looking at the item in his hands, “—what is this?” he chuckled awkwardly asking the person behind the camera.

they couldn’t help but laugh too, though much more genuine, less confused, “i think it’s a kangaroo.”

he paused. inspect it once more before looking back at the camera, “—you think?”

in response, they just shrugged.

oscar, still in doubt, stares at the deformed plush of sorts for another good minutes before moving on.

his face unchanged in its usual flat state, though his eyes gave away the slight shift in his mood when he pulled out the large yellow jar of vegemite out of the paper bag.

showing the logo to the camera, he says while dead-staring into the camera (again), “very nice. thank you to—whoever.”

“can you guess who it’s from?”

still inspecting it—though now trying to figure out who it’s from rather than trying to figure out what it is, he looks back into the camera and tried to guess her name first.

and to his surprise (but also not really), “it is!”

“ohh, alright. i mean, i always thought she was someone who crochets but i never thought…” he wanted to finish his thought, he did, until he remembered that his actions has consequences and he isn’t exactly fond of facing the consequences.

“there’s a note,” the person informs.

oscar then looked into the paper bag once more, finding the said note. when he pulled it out, the small card had two cartoon dogs with reindeer ears on and a cat with a santa hat in the middle, below it says ‘meowry christmas!’ he chuckled at the cover then continue to open it.

“merry christmas, oscar! (or is it ‘aurscar’?),” he read then looking towards the camera, “that’s a first,” then he goes back to reading the card, “i promise i’m not this bad. i am actually very good at crocheting other things but i hope you like your gifts! love, me!” he finished reading and put the card down on the table in front of him, grabbing hold of the two gifts back up, he smiles, “thank you, for the gifts. i appreciate them especially the vegemite, i think. from one kangaroo to another.”

“are you excited?”

“very.” she says with a smile, hands ripping open the wrapping heartlessly.

she had already tried to guess what was inside, feeling a soft plush-like feeling underneath the crispy deer-patterned wrapping paper.

“how thoughtful of you,” her publicist comments sarcastically at her unwrapping skills.

ignoring her tone, she continues to break apart the paper, “why thank you, did you know how hard it was making oscar’s gift?” she paused her abuse on the wrapping paper to look at the camera—seriously? jokingly? no one knew.

finally, she was met with the gift(s) in hand. the first thing she saw being the large kitten plush inside of a wicker basket and she instantly recognize it.

“it’s the rock-a-bye kitten jellycat!” she exclaimed with the biggest smile on her face, showing off to the camera her large kitten in wicker basket. when she picked it up, she could feel the heaviness the basket carried—heavier than what a plush would weigh. her first instinct was to take the cat out of the basket and when she did, she couldn’t hold in the laughter that made its way to her lips. her smile was wide enough already before, the sight she was met with somehow made her smile bigger. she pulled it out and faced it to the camera, “guess we know who this is from,” she smiled goofily holding up the calendar with the white man’s ass on it.

still laughing, she puts the calendar down white a head shake, “thank you, valtteri! now i don’t need to find one for next year.”

when she thought she was done, the woman behind the camera informs, “there’s another one.”

“huh?” she looks at her confusedly before shuffling around the torn up pieces of paper on her lap. when she saw what was left in it was, her jaw dropped.

pulling them out, she puts at the camera, “new drumsticks!” she inspects the two pieces on her hand with a small smile, “ah! and it has my nickname on them too!” still pouting in disbelief she smiles at the camera, “this is so good. thank you, again, val, such great gifts.” then she remembered, “oh, right! the card! hold on,”

she shuffled for the card once more and open it happily, “‘dear, kid, merry christmas, i hope you have a great one, here’s some things i know you’d like and a little something for next year. always a pleasure working with you.’” she smiles looking as if she was holding back a cry and hugged the card to her chest.

she waves with a smile at the camera, “kiitos valtteri! hyvää joulua!”

(“thank you, valtteri! merry christmas to you!”)

bonus, 2022:

“so, who did you get?”

she smiles, “lando!”

“any idea what you’re going to give him?”

she pauses with a hum in thought, then a smile cracked in her lips. looking into the camera mischievously, “his first win, maybe.”

(she did not, in fact, got him that. she crocheted him a frog hat and one of those singing fish wall decoration.)

te1enovia

liked by f1porsche, danielricciardo, and 5,735,635 others

tagged: daisymaerose, selvnika, and atticusingh

te1enovia merry christmas from ur resident racer girl, scholar girl, and jobless girl <3

(and my favorite boy 🤏)

see all 2,826 comments.

f1porsche merry christmas cuties 🎄☃️❄️✨️

liked by te1enovia

mickschumacher merry christmas!!

liked by te1enovia

atticusingh was the tag... to hurt my feelings?

selvnika atticusingh yes

te1enovia atticusingh nooo it just means u were there TO ME

schupastry te1enovia lovesick i tell you

backbiteroo schupastry DONT DO THAT. please. i need her to be single for ME

fiftyfivetexts sooooo.... are we gonna talk abot ur favorite boy??????

backbiteroo fiftyfivetexts its reggie please PLEASE

selvnika how DARE you

te1enovia selvnika yeah, i do

selvnika te1enovia i have power over ur sponsorship.

te1enovia selvnika ur father does. and he loves me more.

gaslytv te1enovia GET HER JADE

formulasos merry christmas to our favorite girlies!!!!!

f1porsche

liked by mickschumacher, te1enovia, and 5,069,726 others

tagged: te1enovia and mickschumacher

f1porsche merry christmas from our team!!! <33 🎄☃️❄️✨️

see all 726 comments.

te1enovia YOU GUYSSS 🥹🥹🥹

f1porsche te1enovia 😋❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

mickschumacher ☃️☃️

f1porsche mickschumacher ❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️

taglist; @treehouse-mouse @disneyprincemuke @yansbolobao @leilanixx @judespoision @vellicora @bborra

[blueberrypancakesworld]

Carefully heal the flower

Mark Hoffman x girlfriend!reader

warning : depression, attempted suicide, emotional, comfort, no use of y/n

summary : In a dark city, there was the law and the lawless, and even though Mark and his steady girlfriend had been through a lot, they seemed to be okay. But when hopefulness settles in their hearts, their love Hoffman stays away longer and longer, pain becomes too great and only one way out seems logical….

info : I'm sorry that you have to wait a little I hope you @hoffmangirl and everyone else likes it and I hope I could do justice to the topic, have fun :)

masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In a town where they both lived there was never really hope or the light of improvement, it always seemed to be dark. During the day it was foggy and stuffy and at night it was cold and harsh and the only thing you could rely on was yourself…or so it seemed to everyone else, except Hoffman and his girlfriend.

The two who had found each other in this town in the early days had something like hope, his work with the police quickly made him a career and with every medal, with every case he solved, the happier they both seemed to become and the prospects of making something of this town seemed close at hand.

However, as you went up the ladder you felt more responsibility, with every meal in a restaurant you ate the more you realised how much was actually going on beneath you, how horrible everything seemed and a feeling of helplessness began to fill her more and more.

She loved Mark, loved him for his strong character that even in the darkest days of his career when he was confronted with death and violence he never lost his cool, he was strong but the more he became the hero of the city the more he was gone.

She always had to wait longer for him in the evenings, and during the day when she was at work she would write him a few messages which were answered less and less.

The little heart or a short ‘I love you’ was always missing, ,,Mark…you love me, don't you?" she had asked one day when he came home at one o'clock in the morning and she had waited with dinner to spend time with him. It was a question that made him stop, not because he had been caught, but because she could see that he saw her pain, her need for help.

,,Nothing changes, you're the most important thing," he had replied, putting his hand on her cheek for a moment, but if he had just put his hand on her bare forearm for a moment, he would have seen how badly she was actually feeling, what this hopelessness had driven her to.

Until it was that evening when her gaze went back to the window, to the balcony of her top floor flat and a thought formed, a thought that seemed to be stronger than Mark who had already disappeared again in the morning and she didn't go to work that day either just to walk around the flat for hours trying to decide whether she should call Mark or whether it would be worth it because in this town there would never be any hope.

A hope she saw like the coloured lights below her as the wind picked up around her and her cold hand clung to the railing through the night, her foot about to lift onto the railing and her decision seemed as sure as the wind that would carry her down, in a short fall before it ended with the thud.

That's how it should have gone as she pushed herself up and saw the end when she heard someone shout her name and she felt a hand on her arm pulling her back, someone holding her close and in her tear-blurred gaze she saw Mark looking at her in fear, ,,I've got you…don't worry I've got you, don't jump…I'm here" he said slowly seeming to search for his words for fear she would break in his arms.

Her hands clutched at him she herself was now afraid that she was dead, that he hadn't caught her but when he took her in his arms and carried her back inside and laid her softly on the bed kissing her cool hands and she heard the ,,Everything will be alright little butterfly" she released his name from her lips.

She seemed to come back to him and fell into his arms again as she apologised, crying bitterly and yet he just held her not wanting her to ever feel alone again ,,I won't go away I promise" he returned and sat down on the bed she snuggled into his lap and he pulled the covers lightly over them both.

,,Nothing will happen again, I got you dreamer okay?" she nodded her voice too heavy, her eyes too tired as she just snuggled up to him and yet that pain, the ache her heart had escaped at least for that night as she felt him beneath her, his calm heartbeat soon easing her into a gentle sleep…perhaps even in such a dark place as this there was hope for a better future.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[becauseheartsgetbroken-hs]

I was looking on Reddit, and someone said they were sceptical about Harry's potential commercial success with his next album. They said public interest may have declined during his three-year hiatus. They suggested that his next release may perform more like Fine Line than the more successful Harry's House (even though Fine Line wasn't exactly far behind Harry’s House in terms of commercial success, and it had insane longevity). They said that only dedicated fans seem to be discussing him lately. Then someone replied, saying he would be fine because 20 million people viewed that picture of his legs, and 100,000 people felt the need to comment on it.

that's a very interesting topic actually to me bc i'm really interested in how people engage with music. i feel like music is often viewed less as an art and more as a product for consumption nowadays. capitalism has really shifted the way we engage with it. It's not just about the music anymore and the connection someone creates with it, it’s about how it fits into an endless cycle of trends, and viral moments. people often are more interested in tweeting about an album or use a song in a tiktok video or start a discussion around the lyrics of a song so they could have a pick in the artist's life rather than really connect with the art. that shift really can make it seem like commercial success is only about these fleeting viral moments or charts, but it forgets the deeper connection people have to the music itself. harry’s success isn’t just tied to how many people tweet about his album or whatever. it's about the cultural impact his music has. take fine line as an example: it's literally a masterpiece and it did great in terms of charts, numbers and awards but the most important thing is its staying power. the long lasting connection that people have created with this album is unbelievable. the same applies to harry's house as well. soon it will be its 3 years anniversary and people still talk about it like it was released yesterday. harry's success isn't just a product of marketing and promo, it’s a reflection of his talent and his ability to deeply connect with people. as for his break i think that sure some people have lost their interest but i think that those people were here just for the hype love on tour had created, they were never here for harry and for the music (more tickets for us ig lol) but tbh his real fanbase is incredibly loyal. i mean his break has only made me even more passionate about his music. there was never a moment that i felt like i was tired of waiting, i'm just even more excited about what he has in store for us and to see his growth as an artist.

one more think i wanna say is that the success of an album doesn't depend only to the "hard-core" fans. sure, there are many of us that follow harry's news closely but commercial success isn’t only about "hardcore" fans, it’s about the general appeal. harry can reach both: us and the casual listeners. there are many people that might not follow the news about him leaving a studio or search about his sneaky promo but when he drops music they are there, ready to listen to it. when he release music, everyone notices him bc it's inevitable - he's an artistic force (that's why his fanbase is growing constantly).

so yeah, music isn't just about numbers and charts and streams, it's about self expression, creativity, fun and cultural impact and harry can easily do both as he has proven in the past with his three albums.

anyway, i'm so sorry for that long ass answer, i'm gonna stop now. 🫣 thank you for sending me this tho 🫶

[simping-for-joe]

Someone Who Enjoys Life

Leon Kennedy X Chubby! Reader

It's been one of those weeks and your self-esteem has been having a rough moment. Leon won't just let that stand.

Warnings: Body image issues, bad eating habits (mentioned)

A/N: I was using a character AI for Leon and he said something to me since like sometimes I do basically storylines about body image issues and it gave me this line that I just adored.

It's been one of those weeks for you. You've struggled with your body image issues before so this wasn't exactly new territory. It's just this time it was practically bad.

Small things were getting under your skin this week. Little things like having to go buy a new pair of jeans due to the inner thigh fabric being worn out. Reminding you of the size of your thighs, and all it did was embarrass you. Noticing how your clothes fit on you, things like that.

It definitely doesn't help Leon has been distant this week due to work. Not that you could blame him, it's just when he's like this he's close to impossible to get support from. So, you kept it to yourself this week. Dealing with it in small ways, and you weren't sure if it was actually helping or not.

Leon immediately something was off this week, he knows you better than anyone at this point. He watched from afar as you avoided the shared bathroom mirror. He swears up and down that you didn't eat dinner one night, and he noticed you were more reserved when it came to physical affection.

He wanted to say something, he really did but he knows from past experiences that body image issues are a delicate topic. Not to mention while he's had some experience with it, it wasn't quite the same experience as you. On top of that, he was currently dealing with something work-related, meaning he shit out of ideas on how to handle this.

It was a quiet night in the week of chaos, Leon looked up from his paperwork as you were making something in the kitchen.

"So..." Leon speaks up, you look at him with a raised eyebrow as you can sense the awkward tone in his voice. "I um saw your jeans in the trash." He suddenly brings up. You stop preparing dinner, freezing as the faint feelings of shame and embarrassment rise up in you.

"Y-yeah... just you know... they got worn out." You reply stiffly, refusing to look at him.

"Oh, do you need to go shopping?" Leon was hoping this was going to be an easy fix.

"It's a-alright Leon really." You try to insist just wanting this conversation to end.

"No, if you need jeans you need jeans." He tries to argue with you, he just wants to be helpful. On some level, you understood that, but you were just so embarrassed.

"Leon."

"What? We can even get you a bigger size if you need." He offers, and that's the straw that breaks the camel's back. You don't know the exact reason why but you just start crying at hearing that, causing Leon to look at you with a mix of confusion, worry, and guilt. He rushes out of his seat at the table and heads over to the kitchen. "Sweetheart... what's wrong?" He asks you, his voice soft and low to be more soothing. "This isn't just about the jeans is it?"

"No..." You reply through tears, and before you know it he pulls you into a tight embrace. His strong arms make you feel secure and loved even as you sob against his chest. You feel his fingers in your hair as he just sways you both a bit as he just lets you cry. Letting out whatever you've been bottling up all week.

After a few minutes, you move away from him taking a deep breath as you finally start calming down from your outburst. It's quiet as you grab a paper towel and blow your nose.

"Do... do you want to talk about it?" Leon asks you quietly.

"I-It's... just been a rough week..." You mumble softly, almost numbly.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He questions, his eyebrows pinched together with worry.

"You have work and me having some body image issues isn't-"

"No, no, no, this is important to you so it's important to me. I know how hard it is for you sometimes. I will tell you as many times as you need that you are beautiful and I will always love you." You look at him with slight disbelief. Leon did not care, he'd do this song and dance for the rest of his life if he had to, as long as you believed you were beautiful.

"I just... don't you want someone who's-" You begin, hesitating to say the word he knew was coming.

"Thinner?" He asks crossing his arms, you nod almost sadly. Leon is quiet for a moment before sighing and uncrossing his arms. "I love you so much, that words cannot describe. I love the extra weight you have on you, I really do. You're my soft, squishy partner in crime." He tells you cupping your cheeks gently as you blush brightly. "Do you know why I love your body?" He asks softly, and you shake your head gently. "Because you have the body of someone who enjoys life, and I think that's beautiful..." Your quiet as you think about that, and you feel your throat tighten again with emotion. "I see you and I immediately see someone with so much life and love in them. That's why I love you..." Leon tells you sincerely. "The really nice hugs are just a bonus." He adds on, getting a chuckle from you as you look up at him. You just hug him tightly, catching him a bit off guard but he embraces you back.

"I love you..."

"I love you too sweetheart, and I always will."

[nickyrothfan]

What if Nicky got DID?(part 7)

And here comes a peculiar guy... Nicholas Michael Roth, walking into the assembly hall, looking less than great.

And here's our hero... he bumped his head against his own locker.

"Ouch..." Roth complained... damn, he was just too sleepy.

"Nicky... what's up with you?" normal Ivan approached him... why did his friend look like a zombie... or like someone from whom aliens had sucked all the life force out... well, that's how Nicky would describe it.

"Ughhh... I... didn't sleep much." Nicky paused... How to tell his friend that he was out with a new friend until 2 AM last night?

"The walk dragged on or-"

"Both." he interrupted his friend, weakly closing his locker.

"Why did Principal Abanante call us to school?" Ivan said, a bit annoyed.

"I thought school was your happy place, or is that not the case anymore?" Narf smirked.

"It is my happy place, it's just that there won't even be any lessons today. You know?" Torre exclaimed, waving his arms.

"Wow... what a tragedy?" Roth said sarcastically.

"And why are you so cheerful? I thought you'd be happy to stay home all day?" Ivan said, mocking him.

"Let's just say... I have my reasons, two very important reasons." Roth replied confidently... but with his sleepiness, it sounded strange.

"Oh, how happy I am!" Ivan and Nicky chuckled.

"Alright... let's not waste time, maybe we can even invent something together after this?" Nicky asked.

"Oh, that would be splendid!"

And so, the assembly hall... a magnificent place (not really).

Nicky and Ivan noticed they had arrived almost last, and the other students were already seated, fortunately, there were still free spots... near the other members of the inventor club + Delroy. The best outcome for them.

"Hey, Enzo, Maritza, Trinity, and Delroy!" Ivan hesitated slightly when saying the last name, after all, it was hard to consider the dark-skinned guy a friend, more like an acquaintance.

"Hey guys..." Nicky said rather indifferently, partly due to the strained relationship with them, and partly because of his sleepiness.

"Hey, freak." Delroy said kindly.

"Hey guys!" Enzo was happy to see them, and Trinity and Maritza simply greeted them.

"So... why do you think we were called here?" Ivan energetically asked.

"I have no idea... probably just another lecture like 'so bad, so good, without school you're nothing, blah blah blah,' you know?" Maritza made it clear she didn't want to be here.

"I agree!" Delroy leaned back in his chair.

"And what if there are big changes in the education system, and we can make amazing things..." Torre's eyes started sparkling.

"Weren't you sulking just five minutes ago?" Nicky raised an eyebrow but avoided eye contact with Trinity, looking for someone else.

"Come on... maybe Ivan's right? And what do you think, Trinity?" Enzo supported his friend and asked his love.

"We were summoned by Abanante... we need to be on guard." she mumbled.

"Do you really think our principal—the chick in a bird costume, how does she run so fast? She's... pretty old." Ivan looked around, usually, at times like this, the aforementioned person would pass by, and you'd often get a surprise... but not this time.

"Just a guess." Trinity huffed.

"Yeah, it's probably Otto... or whatever his name is?" Delroy frowned.

"No... Murtaugh." Ivan protested.

"Can we at least not talk about that feather-brained idiot right now?" Nicky said, irritated.

"And this is coming from the guy who was talking about Peterson non-stop until this whole mess?" Maritza said self-satisfied, folding her arms across her chest.

"Hah! You got served, Roth!" Delroy rejoiced.

"Tch..." he turned away, still looking for her... the girl with black hair and turquoise streaks.

"Alright, guys, you know, I came with Nicky... for him, it's a sore topic... can we not talk about it in front of him?" Ivan whispered to them.

"I hear everything!" Roth shouted, but they ignored him.

"Okay." Enzo didn't see any problem... his friend needed a break.

"Fine." Delroy and Maritza said at the same time.

"..." Trinity remained silent. But Nicky spoke up.

"Hey, Ivan... can we switch?" Roth mumbled, pointing to the second-to-last seat in the row, the last one was free.

"Uh... sure." Ivan and Nicky stood up and swapped places.

"Thanks." Roth gave him a thumbs up, and then Ivan understood why he did that.

"Hey, Narf." to everyone's surprise... except for Nicky and Ivan, a girl with black hair and turquoise streaks, a goth, came up to them.

"Narf? Don't your parents call you that?" Maritza looked at Nicky, who ignored the question.

"Narf? Seriously? Who gives such a nickname to their kid?" Delroy also didn't get an answer.

"Is she his cousin? Or..." Enzo started whispering to Ivan, who quickly whispered back.

"No... new friend." the inventor quickly answered.

"Hey, Gwen. Uh... you can sit here if you want... unless you've already chosen a seat or something..." Nicky said nervously.

"Nicky... can't find the words... is this really him?" Enzo's thoughts were going wild.

"You're just like always..." Ingrid sat next to him, with his friends (+ Delroy).

"Uh... hi." she said emotionlessly to them, and everyone (except Ivan and Nicky) stared at her wide-eyed.

"I assume... you're Nicky's friends?" she asked.

"Me? Friends with this freak? No way." Delroy turned away.

"Just ignore this idiot, he's hanging with us temporarily because of... a project." Maritza pointed to the dark-haired member of the track team.

"Yes, just a simple project... and you..." Trinity didn't recognize the girl before her.

"Gwen Ingrid. Met Narf last week, just recently moved to this town." the goth said in one breath.

"Nice to meet you, any friend of Nicky's is my friend!" Enzo smiled as he said it.

"Likewise." Gwen said somewhat sarcastically.

"So... Narf, will you introduce them?" she looked at Nicky.

"Oh... yeah, you already know Ivan Torre." the inventor smirked, raising his hand.

"Another guy with glasses—Enzo Esposito." Enzo, who already said he'd try to get along with her, looked at her.

"The blue-haired girl in the cap—Maritza, his younger sister." Maritza snickered.

"And the other girl—Trinity Bales." she crossed her arms.

"Well... not really my friend—Delroy Schmidt." Delroy didn't even turn around.

"Well... interesting friends you've got... and not friends too." Gwen said, a little nervously, though her tone didn't show it.

"Yeah, n-" the bell interrupted the boy's speech.

"Please pay attention, dear students!" Principal Abanante's voice quieted the crowd.

"I've gathered you all here for one very important announcement!" her voice was loud and clear.

"Interesting what it could be..." Duncan whispered in the front row...

"As we are pleased to give our students the opportunity to demonstrate their abilities and skills, we are announcing a two-month-long event!" she said, with excitement.

"Isn't it still the beginning of the school year?" Gwen asked Nicky.

"It's actually mid to late October... I guess this event will develop us." Nicky couldn't shake the strange feeling, but shrugged it off.

"Every day after lunch, you will all participate in a variety of challenges testing your knowledge, physical fitness, and general skills. And of course, it will all be done under the strict supervision and consent of your guardians." Abanante continued her speech.

"Like my guardians will have time to watch..." Nicky muttered quietly.

"And of course, to motivate you. The student with the most points at the end will receive a prize of 1000 dollars." the students perked up at this.

"How am I even going to remember that I'm participating..." Nicky thought. Surely his possible DID, or whatever it was, would interfere with participating normally.

"Second place will get 500 dollars, and third place will get 100. Now it's time to introduce everyone who helped create this event for you all!" Four figures stepped out from behind the stage.

"Our diligent mayor Tevish, Officer Leslie Kornwell, the town's taxidermist Otto Kinhander, and baker Gerda." many students started clapping.

"Suspicious, all the suspects from Peterson's book are here..." Trinity whispered under her breath... something doesn't feel right.

"The challenges start tomorrow, there will be both team and individual games. We sincerely wish you all success. Now... the meeting is over, those who have questions may approach us in 10 minutes." Abanante and the others retreated behind the curtains, and most of the students began to leave the hall.

"Ah... so... does anyone wa-" Nicky turned around and realized that everyone had already left... only Gwen and Ivan remained.

"When did they-"

"Maritza jumped up right after the bell, Enzo went after her, brother. Delroy got bored, so he went to his track team. And Trinity... I think she's with Enzo and Maritza." Ivan himself was surprised at how quickly everyone scattered in different directions.

"Well... you showed me the city all last week... so how about showing me a couple of shortcuts in school this time? We could even walk after that?" Gwen asked Nicky, who looked like a broken person with a shattered psyche... which he was.

"Well... ugh... after a cup of coffee, I think I can... Is it okay if Ivan comes with us?" Nicky asked for two reasons: 1) he didn't want to leave his friend alone, and 2) someone had to keep an eye on him so he wouldn't do anything strange again.

"Of course, I'd like to get to know you better." Gwen turned to Torre, who smiled.

"Well, since that's the case... I'm with you!"

Five minutes later...

"So... is this your shortcut?" Gwen pointed to the lines on the school's map.

"Yeah, I made the map of the school myself, then started calculating the shortest paths from point A to point B, taking into account the average number of students in the hallway, and so on... Anyway, I can show you one of my favorite places. I call it the abandoned hall." Nicky looked around, finished his cup of coffee, and waved his hand. "Follow me."

They walked through the corridor directly to the library, where it was empty.

"Uh... is it always like this?" Gwen asked.

"On weekdays, no." Ivan quickly answered, as he had often been here.

"Must be because it's Saturday." Nicky yawned, shrugged, and walked towards the far shelf.

"Here is a hidden door. For this, I usually carry this." He pulled a door handle from his pocket, inserted it, and turned... opening the room.

"Wow! We have a secret room in our school?" Ivan almost shouted, but Gwen covered his mouth.

"If you're going to scream like that, it won't stay a secret for long." she said, and Ivan nodded.

"After the tunnels under the school, I'm not surprised." Nicky whispered.

"After what?" Gwen raised an eyebrow.

"Uh... long story, and it's not important now." Nicky quickly dismissed the topic.

"Alright... is this your secret hideout?" Gwen asked.

"Kind of..." Nicky nodded.

The room was ordinary... dusty, with furniture here and there, the best part was the couch, and there were various spare parts on the floor.

"Wait... these the spare parts you were going to collect yesterday from the abandoned places?" Gwen asked. They had pretty much always hung out there... from the first day they met until yesterday, they were always out from evening to night... yesterday, they stayed until 2 a.m.

"Uh, no. These are the ones I collected earlier." Nicky opened his backpack and dumped parts similar to those on the floor, but slightly different.

"Alright... I showed you the place, can we go now?" Nicky looked around.

"Alright... I guess there's nothing interesting in school." Gwen said, earning a displeased look from Ivan.

"Don't say that again." Ivan threatened.

They left the school, hearing a couple of whispers around them, but mostly, they didn't care.

Nicky was too tired, Ivan... though it bothered him, had already accepted his status, and Gwen... didn't care.

"Alright, yesterday you said this courtyard behind the shop is the best way to cut across to the park." Gwen pointed to a narrow passage between buildings, and Nicky nodded.

They turned there, passing by trash containers and a couple of graffiti on the walls.

"Oh, now this is interesting." Gwen stopped in front of a drawing on the wall.

It was an image of... what seemed like a person in a crow costume.

"Well, of course, even here..." Ivan rolled his eyes.

"What's 'of course'?" Gwen asked.

"This drawing is linked to a local legend, a lot of students believe that there are devils that appear mostly around Halloween and kidnap children. Some, however, think it's one devil. Or, as Nicky calls him: 'A real damn threat.'" Ivan smirked. He knew Crowface was real, but he still didn't consider him something supernatural.

"I didn't say 'a real damn.'" Nicky frowned.

"Same meaning." Torre shrugged.

"How creepy, a real damn threat." Gwen laughed, and Nicky blushed.

They exited to the street leading to the park.

"Well, where to now?" Ivan asked.

"Let's go to the coffee shop, they sell amazing pastries there." Gwen suggested.

"Nicky just had coffee-"

"Let's go." Nicky immediately agreed.

"What?" Ivan was stunned by his response.

"What? I didn't have enough, and the coffee at school isn't great." Nicky said, and Gwen supported him.

"Agreed, I wouldn't turn down a cup either." she nodded.

"I'm stuck with two coffee addicts..." Ivan sighed.

As soon as they reached the center, Gwen suddenly stopped, looked around, and grabbed Nicky by the sleeve.

"Hey, since we're here, how about you grab some ice cream?" she suggested, pointing to a kiosk across the street.

"Actually... sounds not so bad. Who knows when the next chance will be." Nicky thought for a moment.

"Perfect." she smirked, and Narfi left, leaving her alone with Ivan.

Gwen wasted no time and immediately turned to Torre.

"Listen... you've known him for a long time, right?" she asked.

Ivan was slightly surprised by her tone but answered:

"Yeah, about... three years."

"Is he... always like this?" she crossed her arms, thinking for a moment.

"In what way?" Ivan snorted.

"Well..." she twirled a turquoise strand of hair, carefully choosing her words.

"Well what?"

"He seems to keep up a cheerful attitude... joking, but at the same time... there's something like burnout? He pretends everything is fine, but something's clearly off." she said.

"... Well, you're not entirely wrong, actually, you're completely right, although just recently, things were worse." Ivan nodded.

"Worse?"

"Yeah, Nicky's quite the master at pretending everything's fine. He... let's say, tried to help someone with something that really hurt him, because that person thought he could handle it, because he cared so much about them... in the end... that's what triggered his nervous breakdown." Ivan said, trying to avoid too many specifics.

"So... is he better now than before?"

"Probably. Although sometimes, when he doesn't get enough sleep or faces something from his past... he becomes gloomy, tired, aggressive, burdened, like he's carrying something that no one can see... just like back then." Ivan's tone became a bit sadder at the end. He clearly cared for him.

Ingrid thought about it, looking at Nicky at the kiosk, choosing his ice cream.

"And what should we do with him?" she asked.

"You talk like I have a plan." Ivan smirked, she clearly overestimated him.

"Well, you have experience."

"And what, you're worried about him?" Torre squinted.

"Of course... I like him." she said, rolling her eyes.

Ivan froze for a second, processing the information, then raised an eyebrow.

"Y-you like him?" Hadn't they known each other for... a week? (He was surprised. Gwen had fallen for Trent in the middle of season 1, and a season=8 weeks... so it only took her about 3-5 weeks for a kiss... that was fast.)

"Yeah... at least as my best friend... I'm not sure." she answered.

"Oh... you're quick though-"

"Listen. We're teenagers, what did you expect... I'm not to blame that everyone else here is a bunch of idiots, and you're the only one normal with him... well... you're not exactly my type, sorry." she turned away, leaving him there.

"You're not exactly... well, never mind. It should be simple. Just be there. When he wants to talk- listen. When he doesn't, don't pressure him. He's stubborn, but if you show him he's not alone, that already means a lot to him... that's roughly what I do." he shrugged.

"Okay... thanks." she smiled at him, looked toward Nicky, who had just grabbed his ice cream cone and was coming toward them.

"So, guys... I found my new favorite flavor." he said, getting closer.

Gwen immediately put on her usual indifferent expression.

"And what is it?" she asked, in her usual tone.

"Chocolate with caramel and cookie chunks. It's genius!" he licked a piece of ice cream and got messy.

"Alright, if you find something tastier, let me know." Ivan laughed. It had been a while since his friend looked this way... of course, he was still pretending to be happy... but not as much.

"I definitely will!" he nodded contentedly, apparently not caring about his messy look.

Gwen watched him... Ivan was right, just being there.

"Well, shall we go on?"

[your-divine-ribs]

Forbidden Part 35

Words: 3.8k

Forbidden Masterlist Main Masterlist

You manage to make your way back to your hall relatively unnoticed. It's early enough in the morning that most people you pass are members of staff on their way to work. They look at you but they don't really see you, to them you're just another face in the crowd, another student stumbling unsteadily back to halls after a night of debauched and wild partying. They don't know what you've really been up to. The fact that with every step you take you can feel the delectable ache between your legs from the pounding you took last night, the way the moreish tang of your Professor's cum still lingers on your tongue.

You can't help but smile to yourself. There's something so exhilarating about having a secret that nobody else knows about.

Nobody apart from Bob...

You let out a gasp as the door of your block pulls open as soon as you push the key through the lock. Bob's right there, his smile on greeting a fellow housemate faltering as his eyes slip down to take in the t-shirt you're wearing, your dress bunched up in your hand. Your gut drops like you've just plummeted 200 feet on a rollercoaster.

"Bob! What the hell? I didn't think you'd be back yet! Thought you'd still be in London."

His face scrunches up in a puzzling way as he stands back to let you through and you slip past him into the hallway, kicking off your shoes as you go and then turning to face him. He's blushing furiously even though he tries to hide it by dropping his head to look at his wristwatch.

"I should be in London really... should probably be sitting down to breakfast in the hotel right about now..."

"So what happened?" You cut in, heart thumping double-time as you imagine what might have occurred if Kathleen had arrived home unexpectedly whilst you were perched on her kitchen worktop, freshly fucked and dressed in her fiancés clothing.

"It was... errr... it was Kathleen," he mumbles, eyes meeting yours briefly before quickly darting away. "She... errr... she needed to leave early so I came back with her, that's all."

He turns his body towards the kitchen, starting to walk quickly away and you follow him, cold dread gnawing at you as you try to imagine what could possibly have happened for Kathleen to want to get home so urgently. Had she somehow found out about you and Van? Had one of the neighbours seen you together and called her to break the devastating news?

You do a quick calculation in your head. "You must have left about 5am! London's at least a hundred miles away and it's a nightmare getting out of the city even at that time in the morning. What the hell's so important that everyone had to come back so early for?”

"It wasn't everyone... it was just me and her... errr... d'ya want a cuppa? I was just about to make one. Not had one all morning."

You grab a mug from off the draining rack and plonk it down in front of the kettle by way of reply, not wanting to detour from the topic of conversation. "Hold on, let me get this straight... you're telling me that you and Kathleen travelled back from the trip on your own and left everyone else there? What happened? Must've been something bad for you to leave so quickly... like an emergency or something?"

Bob doesn't reply straight away, taking his time digging in the box of teabags, his cheeks glowing redder by the second. You just stand there, tense and as stiff as a board, waiting to hear what might potentially be your fate.

"It's nothing..." he finally says, but this does nothing to assuage your fears, in fact they increase. "It's just some personal stuff she's got going on, I probably shouldn't say.”

"Come on," you urge, impatient. "You can't leave me hanging, only telling me half a story. Something pretty bad must've happened for you to have to take off like that without everyone else."

He's stirring the tea but he stops, letting out an audible sigh as he rests the teaspoon down on the counter. His brow's folded into a crease, his lips downturned. He looks conflicted, like he's stewing over something, like he knows he shouldn't say anything but he wants to let it out. But even good boys like Bob find it hard to keep secrets. So you push him a little, gently insistent without too much force.

"It's pretty obvious that something's up, you look like something's really bothering you. Maybe I could help? I'm not gonna say anything to anyone... promise."

Even as you say the words you're cringing inside. You know you're not Bob's favourite person right now, and why should he entrust you with a secret? You've not exactly proven yourself to be trustworthy with your recent antics. It's quite obvious that he has something he wants to get off his chest though despite his reluctance to open up.

"I don't know Y/N... I mean it's not like I have any proof or anything but I'm sure it was him!"

He spits the last word out with vitriol and it makes you wince. You're certain he's talking about Van... who else could it be? Bob's not hidden his disdain for him since he heard the two of you at it in the kitchen only days prior. He thinks he's a sly bastard for taking advantage of you and cheating on his girl, and if Van's the cause of Kathleen's problems that can only mean one thing... you're in deep shit.

"Oh fuck," you gasp, your legs feeling weak as your heart races. "Did Kathleen find out about me and Van? I called it off! I swear I did. It was over when I told you! I thought that was the end of it!"

The ache between your legs seems pronounced all of a sudden, like your own body's protesting at the lies you're spouting. You feel nauseous, slumping back against the counter.

"It's not that!" Bob says quickly, his eyes widening as he reaches out to lay a hand on your arm in a reassuring gesture. His voice drops in volume as his eyes dart towards the kitchen door. "It's not even Van, although I'm sure he's not helping matters." He mutters the last part and your breath catches, hope temporarily halting your panic.

"So what's happened? You can't tell me all of this and then not say anything else! I'm bloody freaking out here!"

Bob moves back, reaching out for a chair and drawing it out, gesturing for you to sit. You do, hunching over your tea, eager to hear as he takes the seat across the table from you.

"You promise not to say anything... okay?"

"Sure, of course!" You reply, leaning even further forward, conspiratorially. "It'll go no further I swear."

Bob takes a sip of his tea, his lips curling in distaste as he starts to talk, but it's not the beverage that he finds unpalatable, that much is clear. "You ever hear me talk about Professor Turner?"

"Alex?"

You loudly blurt out the name on impulse, slapping your hand over your mouth when Bob shoots you a glare. "I'm sorry... but no one'll know what we're talking about."

"That's not the point, I still don't want anyone to hear. This is all speculation on my part and I know how rumours tend to spread. I don't want to be the source of starting anything, it's not fair on Kathleen. None of this is her fault."

At the mention of her name Bob's cheeks tinge pink yet again, and you bite back a smirk. Now he's assured you that whatever's happened has nothing to do with your affair your anxiety has faded, curiosity replacing it, your wicked side drawn to the surface. If there's one thing you love it's a bit of salacious gossip. You're always drawn to it, sniffing it out like a bee seeks nectar. And this just reeks of a potential scandal. You can't help yourself.

"Is something going on between the two of them? Are they having an affair?"

You hiss out the words in a whisper, trying to look concerned even though you're anything but. Finding out that Kathleen's traversing the same immoral path that Van's taking would be music to your ears. It's not like it'd absolve your sins completely but it'd make you feel a little more justified in your sordid actions.

"What makes you say that?" Bob wants to know, a deep frown crinkling his forehead. "Not everyone's a cheater. Kathleen wouldn't do that."

"And you know that how?" You counter, not quite managing to keep your smugness at bay, the temptation to fan the flames of gossip too hard to resist. "They certainly looked very cosy when I saw them together at that cafe down by the river a few days ago."

Bob's mouth's a tight line, his fingers tightening their grip on his mug. "I knew it was a mistake telling you. I knew you'd react like this. Kathleen's not done anything wrong. You should have seen how upset she was this morning!"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything by it," you quickly backtrack. The last thing you want is for Bob to clam up, you're eager for more information and you won't get it if you carry on like this. "I was just saying I saw them together and they looked close, that's all. They weren't actually doing anything apart from having coffee. So what happened? Why was she upset? What did he do?"

Bob eyes you for a moment, considering whether to reveal his suspicions. He wants to unburden what he's thinking but you probably wouldn't be his first choice of confidante. "I won't say anything," you assure him again. "I mean it, I really do. It's quite obvious that you mean well. I know you're not one to gossip for the sake of it."

Not like you...

You're thinking it and you can tell Bob is too, but even so he seems to soften, giving you the benefit of the doubt. He leans back slightly in his chair, his mug of tea forgotten as he pushes his glasses up his nose then folds his arms across his chest. "I don't trust Professor Turner... Alex. I don't trust him one little bit. I think he's trying to make a move on Kathleen. I was watching him the whole trip and he was not acting professionally."

This is more like it...

You hide your smile by taking a sip of your own drink, eyes wide over the rim. "What do you mean? What was he doing?"

Your thoughts go to that afternoon down by the river, the way Alex's eyes had bored into you in the most unsettling way... unsettling... but tantalising. It was the sort of loaded gaze that carried a promise of dark pleasures, like he could fully corrupt you. If all this was true then Kathleen was one lucky lady. First she'd snared Van, and now Alex was pursuing her. She only needed Johnny and she'd have scored a hat-trick... but maybe that's more your goal than hers.

"I don't know," Bob groans frustratedly. "I mean I could be getting this all wrong, but he just seemed... very attentive... like way over the top. Whispering stuff in her ear, pulling her aside all the time, secretive smiles, his hand on her waist... little touches all the time. He was full of it."

You nod, hoping there's more. It sounds pretty tame so far and you're beginning to wonder what all the fuss is about. You think back to Kathleen's behaviour when you last saw her. She was definitely preening at Alex's attention but it was hardly scandalous. "That doesn't sound so bad. I mean, how did she react? Did she do the same back? Did she like the attention?"

"I told you she's not a cheater!" Bob exclaims, instantly looking sheepish as he realises how loud he's being. The sound of a door shutting somewhere in your block carries to the kitchen.

"Jeez Bob, chill out," you murmur quietly. "I didn't say she was did I? A bit of playful flirting between two consenting adults isn't grounds for infidelity you know."

You're starting to wonder whether Bob's obvious crush on his lecturer is skewing his perspective, his protectiveness of Kathleen's honour exaggerating a harmless incident.

"I know that, I'm not over-reacting though, I told you how upset she was didn't I?" He sits forward, elbows on the table, leaning right over, his voice low. "This was all day yesterday, on the coach, walking around London, at the theatre... it got worse when we got back to the hotel."

"Oh?" Your ears prick up and you lean in too.

"Yeah," Bob nods, looking agitated. "A lot of wine got consumed at the meal last night, everyone was loud, a bit rowdy, even the staff. I was sitting opposite Kathleen and Alex and he was definitely coming on to her. No one else really noticed 'cause they were drunk but I only had one glass. He was all over her, topping up her wine, acting real smarmy." He pauses, almost grimacing. "She ended up leaving the table pretty quick, making some excuse that she was tired even though anyone could clearly see that she wasn't. Alex followed her and that was the last I saw of the pair of them. Poor Kathleen, she just looked plain embarrassed, bright red and totally flustered. I think she couldn't wait to get away."

Or couldn't wait to slip away to Alex's room for a good fucking...

The words are on the tip of your tongue but you bite them down, marvelling at how innocent Bob sees the object of his affection in all this whilst you just see the perfect opportunity for her to misbehave. You could be completely wrong of course but alarm bells are ringing in your head... Johnny's demeanour when you quizzed him a few days previously, the fact that Van and Kathleen sleep in separate bedrooms, and now Bob's story. There's something going on, you're sure of it. God... the not knowing is killing you.

Then a thought pops into your head. "So why was she crying then? I thought you said you didn't see her after that? And why the hell did she wanna leave at the crack of dawn?"

"I didn't see her for the rest of the night," Bob confirms, stifling a yawn like you've just reminded him how tired he is. "I had a crap night's sleep, just couldn't settle, the beds were rock hard. I ended up getting dressed and coming back down to reception at like 4.30am, thought maybe I could get the code for the Wi-Fi from reception. That's when I saw her, sitting in the reception area on her own. I went over to speak to her and I could see that she'd been crying even though she tried to hide it."

"Shit..." you blow out a breath, shaking your head. "I wonder what happened?"

"I don't know, she wouldn't tell me, she just kept saying she was okay and how sweet I was for worrying about her." He can't hide the hint of a smile thats fighting to break through, disguising it by clearing his throat, the telltale blush present yet again.

"You are sweet Bob," you agree, and he chuckles bashfully. "So what happened after that?"

"She just kept saying she needed to leave, fussing around on her phone on the Uber app. I think she was still a little drunk to be honest. I told her it was crazy, that it'd cost a fortune from London all the way back here. She assured me that the English faculty would cover all costs. I couldn't let her travel back on her own of course, that's why I offered to go with her."

You sit back in your seat, trying to process all that you've heard, scrolling through the multitude of questions it's thrown up. Bob just looks disgruntled now, and very tired. He yawns again and this time he doesn't try to stifle it. "Think I need more sleep," he says wearily, getting to his feet. "Thanks Y/N... for listening... I know you always think the worst of people but I'm positive Kathleen wasn't in the wrong here, despite what you might think."

You follow suit, standing up and pushing your chair under the table. "I believe you, but I guess you'll never know what happened unless she tells you. The important thing is that you were there for her, I'm sure she appreciated it." You smile at him and he returns the gesture. "You really are a gentleman, one of a dying breed!"

"Who's a gentleman?"

You hadn't noticed Lizzie shuffling into the kitchen, bleary eyed and dishevelled, yawning animatedly whilst she reaches for the jar of instant coffee.

Your eyes meet Bob's and he looks pointedly at you, a reminder of your promise to keep a secret. Your pause in answering causes Lizzie to look around, and she does a double take when she clocks your attire, the dress that you'd worn to go out in last night crumpled up in a heap on the table.

"I was gonna ask if your date was the gentleman but I'm guessing he's not judging by the state of you! You obviously stayed out all last night. Get lucky then did ya?"

"You went on a date?" Bob asks, surprised. You suddenly feel under the spotlight standing there under scrutiny. "Thought you'd just been at some wild party like usual. So... who is it? Anyone I know?"

"Nah, he's errr... he's not a student, you wouldn't know him," you mumble dismissively, hoping he'll lose interest and skulk off to his room.

"Oh no, he's definitely not a student," Lizzie sniggers, and you feel Bob's eyes on you as you glare daggers at your friend, willing her to shut up. "Bagged yourself an older man haven't you Y/N?"

"Shut the fuck up Lizzie!" You cry, and thankfully she does, cackling cheekily at your panicked expression.

You steal a furtive glance at Bob but thankfully he's already heading for the door, mumbling something about needing his bed. You let out a huge breath of relief, whirling around to face Lizzie.

"What the hell?" You hiss as soon as Bob's out of ear-shot. "You can't go around telling people stuff about this guy! You promised not to say anything!"

Lizzie holds her hands up. "I'm sorry, my bad. Your secret love-life's safe with me, don't worry. I'm just excited for you, that's all."

"I'd rather people not know anything about him at all to be honest. If it gets out that I'm seeing someone who's already in a relationship it's only going to cause problems. Gossip spreads like wildfire around here, everyone just loves knowing everybody else's business."

Lizzie nods her head in agreement. "Tell me about it, but I don't think you have anything to worry about. I mean it's not like anyone knows this guy... right?"

It seems like a harmless question but her change in intonation makes you tense and you watch as a tiny smirk takes shape on her lips.

"What are you looking at me like that for?" You ask, trying to keep your anxiety at bay. You're a bundle of nerves at the moment and maybe you're just being paranoid, but there's something about the way that Lizzie's looking at you that strikes dread into your heart.

"It's just that I've been thinking... about what you said... and how you've been acting recently..." She steps towards you, voice hushed. You can practically hear the cogs in her mind turning like she's trying to piece the puzzle together. It's an unnerving thought. "It's making me think that maybe this guy is someone we know after all. Someone who's recently got engaged... someone you've been lusting after for quite some time..."

"Of course you don't know him!" You whisper harshly. "I met him on Tinder just like I said!"

This doesn't deter Lizzie. You never could lie convincingly, especially not to a close friend and the hot flush that stains your cheeks makes you look guilty as hell. You're tempted to huff in annoyance and push past her and slink off to your room but when she starts speaking again her words freeze you to the spot.

"C'mon Y/N, you can tell me, I swear I won't breathe a word. It's just all too much of a coincidence, the sudden keenness to work and winning that all expenses paid trip to Italy, the way you've been acting so secretively... and if that wasn't a big enough tell now there's this mystery date that conveniently coincides with Bob's London trip where the whole English department is away for the whole night..."

Crap... this is worse than you thought. Why the fuck did you tell Lizzie you were going on a date at all last night? You should have kept it to yourself.

"I don't know what the hell you're trying to imply, but whatever you think you know, you're wrong!"

It's a weak last ditch attempt at denial but you know it's too late. It's all too obvious that you're lying, standing there shame-faced and unusually flustered whilst you splutter out your ineffectual protest.

"I don't think so!" Lizzie giggles. "I'm always right about this stuff... just call it intuition."

You can feel your resistance waning, the fight inside you dying swiftly as you watch your friend's smile widening. You suppose that out of all the people that could find out about your affair Lizzie's one of the least problematic. She's not got Benji's big mouth or Erica's desire to see you crash and burn or Bob's strict sense of morality... and what's more she's your best friend. She's always got your back. Maybe it would actually work in your favour to have an ally in all of this.

You allow a tiny smirk to surface, tentative like you're testing the waters before you dive fully in. Your subtle hint at a reveal is rewarded with an excited squeal.

"I knew it! It's him isn't it?" She gushes, eyes gleaming with a playful kind of excitement like she's just hit the jackpot of hot gossip. "It's Van who you're seeing isn't it? You're fucking your Professor! Y/N you are so so bad. I want to know everything! Don't miss anything out... I want all the gory details!"

[darkenedroses-world]

Unspoken Desires — Grizzy x reader

gn!reader, confession, unrequited love, emotional hurt

You had always been close with Grizzy. From the moment you met at a mutual friend’s party, there was an instant connection. Your shared sense of humor, love for gaming, and passion for food made your friendship feel natural and effortless. But somewhere along the way, your feelings for him grew into something more. You found yourself longing for his attention, cherishing every moment you spent together, and hoping that one day he might feel the same way about you. One evening, after a particularly fun gaming session with the Goons, you decided to confess your feelings to Grizzy. You knew it was a risk, but the weight of unspoken emotions was becoming too heavy to bear. As the laughter from the Discord call faded and the others logged off one by one, you stayed behind, your heart pounding in your chest. “Hey, Grizzy, can I talk to you about something?” you asked, trying to keep your voice steady.

“Sure, what’s up?” he replied, his tone casual and friendly. You took a deep breath, summoning every ounce of courage you had. “I… I’ve been feeling something more than just friendship between us. I really like you, Grizzy. Like, a lot. And I just needed to tell you because it’s been eating me up inside.” There was a pause on the other end of the call. The silence was deafening, and you felt your heart sink. Finally, Grizzy spoke, but his voice lacked the warmth you were used to. “Look, I really appreciate you telling me, but… I don’t see you that way. You’re a great friend, but that’s all it is for me. I’m sorry if that hurts.” You swallowed hard, fighting back the tears that threatened to spill. “I understand,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper. “I just needed to get it off my chest.” Things seemed to return to normal after that. You and Grizzy continued to hang out, game together, and share jokes. But there was an undercurrent of tension that you couldn’t shake.

You were always hyper-aware of his actions, his words, searching for any sign that he might be changing his mind. But nothing ever came.

One afternoon, you were all hanging out at Grizzy’s place, watching a movie. The group was in high spirits, but you couldn’t help but feel a sense of longing as you sat next to him. During a quiet moment, you nudged him gently and whispered, “Grizzy, can we talk?” He sighed, already sensing the topic you wanted to discuss. “Not now, okay? Let’s just enjoy the movie.” “But it’s important,” you insisted, your voice tinged with desperation. Grizzy turned to you, his expression hardening. “I said not now, Y/N. Why can’t you just drop it?” Your heart clenched at his harsh tone, but you couldn’t let it go. “Please, Grizzy. I just need to know if there’s ever a chance—” “Enough!” he snapped, louder than he intended. Everyone in the room fell silent, eyes turning towards you both. “I’ve told you before, I don’t feel that way about you. Stop pushing it.” Tears welled up in your eyes as you looked at him, feeling utterly exposed and humiliated.

“Please don’t hurt me like this,” you whispered, your voice breaking.

Grizzy’s expression softened for a brief moment, but he quickly masked it with indifference. “I’m sorry if this hurts you, but it’s better this way. I can’t give you what you’re looking for.” With that, he stood up and left the room, leaving you sitting there, broken and alone. The rest of the group exchanged awkward glances, unsure of what to say or do. You stood up, mumbling an apology before leaving the room as well. You found a quiet corner and let the tears flow freely, the weight of unrequited love and rejection crashing down on you. From that day on, things were never the same. Grizzy kept his distance, and you couldn’t shake the feeling of heartache and loss. The friendship that once brought you so much joy now served as a constant reminder of what could never be, leaving you to navigate the painful reality of loving someone who could never love you back.

[ladyalienist]

I thought I’d just give the quick answer but no. You actually sent me such an idiotic ask that I will elaborate and that is a threat. Not because of you, but because there’s other people who may benefit.

So first of all: let’s start with your wording. “It’s gross of you”, you say, and I cannot help but wonder what you think mental illness looks like in real life. Working in healthcare, at every level, means dealing with quite a lot of things that might just fall under the definition of grossness, like cleaning up bodily fluids such as vomit, shit, piss, blood, and dealing with quite a lot of unpleasant situations. If such was not the case, we’d have no reason to work. The fact that you cannot deal with the ✨grossness✨ of me describing a problem, in the gentlest possible way without outright lying, tells me a lot about you and let me tell you that: it’s not that you are a kind soul worrying about the welfare of people.

Second thing, tied to the first: people who have problems will not act in the most perfect way. I do not know, again, what you think mentally ill people look and act like, but I can assure you that they need help because they act in problematic ways, incredible, I know: if you manage to function consistently in your daily life and avoid any bad reaction to things, you do not need a therapist, let alone a psychiatrist.

Third thing: not being able to describe the problems and the various conditions people may suffer from in a blunt way is a huge issue in psychology/psychiatry. Because of people like you, who think that kindness means, somehow, never ever dealing with the ugly side of things, never ever describing reality, because reality is upsetting and imperfect and complex and, in your words, gross.

Now let’s move to an elaboration of the previous post:

1) in the original post you refer to I deliberately chose a few examples of behaviours I’ve seen or have been told about, from people I know in my real life, out of here. You know what the criteria for the choice was? That they were pretty tame and believable for someone who has never witnessed actual mental illness before. Every single person I’m talking about could and would do, in fact has done, absolutely worse things. This being said, if we put the car affair aside (and I swear to God I’d rather bail her out for arson a thousand times than having to deal again with other things she’s done) and look at all the rest… I thought it was pretty self evident but it wasn’t:

All of the shit I described stems from an incredibly deep and virulent self-hate. The same feeling that makes these people cut themselves makes them seek destructive relationships and destroy whatever “good” happens to them. When your mind is dead-set on the path of self-destruction it will stop at nothing, and yes, hurting people you love to punish yourself can and will become part of the pattern. One can learn to cope with the pain in different ways, but first you need to be able to define the pattern and where it needs to break. This doesn’t make you an abuser (in fact I think I specified that many of these people were victims of abuse), but it makes you treat your friends and lovers in horrible ways.

2) when you reach a certain level of suffering you cannot actually wrap your head around that, and of course it’s not deliberate nor wanted (that is why self-harm happens in secret), and of course it’s the least important side to this topic, but… in the kindest possible way, self-harming harms people who love you, too.

What do you think it feels like to love someone and deal with their self-harming? Loving someone and disinfecting self-inflicted wounds, cleaning up the blood? Loving someone and having any loving words and compliments being replied to with something along the lines of “well you don’t really mean that” or “well you make shitty choices in friendships”, over and over and over again? Loving someone and having to worry anytime they are out of your sight, because you don’t know what they might do and what might happen?

Again, when the mind is that set on the path of self-destruction it will not matter to the self-harmer, who will probably not even realize that other people are worrying or suffering, but it is a consequence, an inevitable one. And do you think that someone who cannot manage to realize that others are worrying/suffering about them will care if their direct actions are damaging said others?

That is why there are therapeutic interventions also for parents/relatives/spouses/friends of people with mental distress. Because it never affects only one person.

3) one thing I didn’t stress hard enough, apparently, is the presence of very risky behaviours such as substance addictions, reckless driving, hypersexuality, you name it.

Now, risky behaviours aren’t risky solely for the person who acts them out.

You drink and drive because who cares if I kill myself? You are putting at risk everyone who might encounter you on the road.

You start doing hard drugs because I don’t want to feel the pain anymore? I will at some point talk about addiction, but I think it might reach unbearable levels of ✨grossness✨ (at least to you) so it will be for another day; let me just tell you, it’s not a nice thing to deal with.

You have unprotected sex every night with someone different because being a slut is all I’m good for? Here you are, exposing other people (and yourself) to quite dangerous risks, such as pregnancy or STDs.

Again, the one thing that is incredibly clear from your ask is that you have absolutely no clue what mental distress looks and feels like in real life. And it possibly scares you and grosses you out.

But the thing is, you don’t know this reality, but I do. I live in it.

And it’s not people like me who make suffering individuals be ashamed and afraid to seek help. If anything, it is people who are so scared and grossed out by the tamest possible description of dysfunctional patterns that they feel the need to distinguish that from their polished image of a suffering person, who clearly only self-harms in silence with no inconvenience for anyone else.

I think I might just be talking to someone like that.

I think it’s gross of you to equate self-harmers to people who set cars on fire and are violently abusive. Attitudes like that are why so many people are ashamed and afraid to get genuine help.

If you don't think self-hate and hatred for others can coexist, and that one person can be violent towards oneself and others alike, then I do not know what to tell you. Maybe you're the one who does not understand how much humans can be complex, and maybe you're the one who lacks the nuance that is necessary to deal with such complexity.

People are ashamed to seek help, that is true. But it's not because someone calls a spade a spade and straight up says that setting cars on fire and self-harming are both wrong ways to deal with pain, even when it's always the same person acting on it.

Especially if that someone is a perfect stranger on the internet.

[my-own-walker]

Kyle request...: could you do one where Kyle opens up to female reader about that stuff with his mom pls, because like, omg that boy was so pure and sweetie, he deserved so much moreee 💔💔💔😭

Motorcycle On The Front Lawn

if you want a good cry while reading, try pairing this story with the song $20 by boygenius. lyrics kinda have nothing to do with this but very emo song/feeling.

note: this one is gonna need a MAJOR TW for SA. pls don't read if that will trigger you or make you uncomfy. love u all.

warnings: TW for talk about SA, angst, mention of su!c!de, very sensitive topics so proceed with caution.

+++

There was strange air around intimacy in our relationship that I didn't quite get. I didn't entirely mind. I loved Kyle. But I didn't understand where the strain came from.

We were intimate. We had sex often. But there was a disconnect. He wouldn't make eye contact with me during the act. He would be avoidant of conversations surrounding our sex life.

He showed love to me through physical touch, yes. It was an important part of our relationship. When we weren't in a bedroom with our clothes off, he had no problem being all over me. Behind closed doors, though, he froze up.

I didn't think much of it at first, chalking it up to beginning-of-relationship nerves about sex. Soon, though, it began to upset me. I thought it was all my fault. That he wasn't attracted to me. I began to doubt myself majorly.

It became time to have a conversation with Kyle about it. I wasn't angry with him. I was upset with myself for making this such a big deal in my head.

+

Kyle and I were making out in my bedroom. It was hot and heavy. Things were escalating until again, I sensed a strain. Kyle began to tense up, refusing to make any moves unless I initiated them.

I tore myself away from him and threw my legs over the edge of the bed, sitting up and facing away from him. Tears stung at the back of my eyes.

'Hey, Y/N, hey,' he sat up quickly and moved closer to me, sitting next to me on the edge of the bed. He stooped down to look at my face, peering through the curtain of blonde hair that had fallen in front of his eyes. 'What happened?'

I sniffled, turning my head up to the ceiling in an effort to stop the levy from breaking. To steady myself before I made a fool of myself by crying.

'Kyle, I really need to talk to you about something,' I muttered, finishing by drawing in a shaky breath and sighing.

'What, baby?' concern crept into his voice in a stomach-turning way. He was fearing the worst. He took my face in his hand to make me look at him.

'What is going on with us? With this?' I whined, exasperated.

'With what? With our relationship?' he replied in a quick hushed tone.

'Yes, but- I mean- no, it's just,' I stuttered. 'Are you not attracted to me?' My tone fell dark and tears slipped out of my eyes.

'What? Baby, you are so beautiful to me,' he assured me, wiping tears from both of my cheeks with the pads of his thumbs. 'Why did you even ask that?'

'It has been so hard, Kyle. When we have sex. It's like...being with a ghost. A shell of you,' I explained. 'I love you. So much. Everything is fine until it's not. Like, you just, shut down. Am I doing something wrong?'

Kyle dropped his hands into his lap. A thousand-yard stare glazed over his eyes, looking past me, no longer at me. He swallowed thickly and breathed in shakily.

'I gotta tell you something,' he whispered, so quietly, almost no sound came out.

'You can tell me anything. Please. I just want to understand,' I pleaded. He turned away from me, body language completely closed off. I watched as he prepared himself to speak.

'So, uh, you know my family was hit really hard by Katrina. My whole neighborhood, ya know? It was really rough,' he started. 'And like, right after it, my dad left. But you knew that...' he began to trail off.

'Yeah Kyle, I remember,' I placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. He stiffened at the touch.

'Well after that, my mom and I had a really hard time, just, tryin' to keep the house and all. The repairs and just, everything. It was a lot on her,' he continued. 'She was uh, really lonely. I felt so bad for her, like, I could tell she was having a hard time.'

'I'm sure it was really hard on you, too, Kyle,' I assured him.

'No, yeah, it was. But my mom- she really needed help from me. As soon as I became a teenager it really started. She would- uh, come into my room at night and stuff.'

My heart dropped. I sat in stunned silence to allow him to continue.

'It started with just kissing. She'd kiss me all over. But she'd tell me it was because I was her beautiful boy. That she was so proud of who I was. Uhm, but then she'd start asking me to like, take off my clothes. Or um, wear less clothes to bed. She would-' his voice cracked. He paused to clear his throat.

'Kyle-' I started.

'She would help me shower. Said she was saving water, ya know if we showered together? We really had no money back then. She would always say that to me. Stuff like oh Kyle, you're gonna get us out of here. You're gonna save us from this. There was a lot of pressure on me to make her happy.'

I laid my forehead down on his shoulder. We sat in silence for minutes, letting the weight of his words settle into the space.

'She told me she'd kill herself if I stopped letting her touch me,' he blurted, breaking the silence. 'So things got more intense. Just to keep her...happy, I guess.' The room fell silent again, his words hanging from the rafters until he let out a stifled sob.

'Oh Kyle I am so sorry,' I breathed, 'I am so, so sorry.' My head was still on his shoulder, but at long last he relaxed into the contact. I grabbed his shoulder and nestled my head into his neck, crying softly.

He finally let go, beginning to weep with me.

'Can I hug you, Kyle? Is that okay?' I asked, finally understanding the full extent of his boundaries.

He didn't even respond. Instead, he turned to me and curled up in my lap, nestling his face into the crook of my neck. His cries turned to sobs. Heart-wrenching wails that I felt in my soul.

'It's not your fault, Y/N,' he bawled. 'It's not. I'm sorry.'

'Baby, you don't have to apologize,' I sighed, hugging him tighter.

'I should have told you sooner,' he sobbed.

'No, Kyle. You don't owe anyone that information,' I assured him. 'You never had to tell me, but you did. Thank you for trusting me with it.'

'Of course I trust you,' he sniffed, cries calming down. 'I'm glad I told you.' I smoothed my hands over his hair and kissed him on the head. 'I'm glad I got it off my chest,' he continued.

'You are so brave. I am so sorry you went through that,' I maintained. 'Please know that you can take your time with me. I don't want to pressure you at all.'

'Thank you, Y/N, I love you.'

+++

I really wasn't sure how to end this without it seeming rushed. I love u all, and thanks for this request. It's VV sensitive topic, so I hope I did ok. Kyle deserved better.

[ravensliterature]

Mission Failed Successfully?

A/N: Hehe I posted again

pairing: Obi-Wan Kenobi x Reader

warnings: Violence, description of wound

w/c: 2743

Prompt: You and Obi-Wan go on a mission but things don’t really go according to plan. Will you make it out in one piece? 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You did not want to go on this mission with Obi-Wan. It wasn't that you didn't like him, you actually did a lot. It could even be said that you liked your fellow Jedi too much to the point of concern. You had no idea if he felt the same way and you never were going to ask. You knew it was wrong and were content with his company. 

The mission was supposed to be simple enough. There were slavers Tatooine who were raiding villages and taking the villagers as slaves and captives. They were also apparently forced senstive according to some reports. Your job was to stop their activities and free the captives. 

Currently, you were on your ship sailing to Tatooine. The ship was on autopilot as you and Obi-Wan talked in the cockpit. 

"So what are you thinking about Y/N?" Obi asked, breaking the silence.

"Oh um nothing really," you replied awkwardly. Your face heating up. Damn Obi for being perceptive.

Obi looked at you skeptically and raised his eyebrows. "I think I know better."

Your cheeks grew hotter and you couldn't say anything else before Obi turned to look ahead again. Your hands clenched around your knees and your lips pursed together in annoyance and embarrassment. Obi would find out anyway since it was impossible to hide something from Obi. You hated when he did this. He would always figure out everything so it's better not to bother trying to keep secrets.

"You've been spacing out a lot lately, are you nervous about the mission?" He questioned. His eyes were still forward on the ship.

"No," you lied. Well, you weren't sure exactly what to say. Maybe you should tell him the truth? No that wouldn't make sense either, why lie now? You sighed defeatedly. "Fine fine," you groaned, looking down in defeat. "I guess my heart is beating really fast because of anxiety or something." That sounded believable enough to Obi.

"Do you have any problems you need help with, Y/N?" He asked, still not turning to look at you. You shook your head.

"No, but can we talk about something else?" You asked, your voice soft and barely above a whisper.

He glanced at you before returning his attention forward to the stars. "Sure, just don't feel pressured to speak about anything, Y/N." He assured. Your mouth slightly parted before you snapped it shut again. "What do you want to talk about?" He continued. He wanted to change the topic so he could get to know you more. 

"Uh well," you started. "Have you ever seen a holofilm called Love Actually?" You asked.

Obi laughed a little before replying. "Actually yes I have." This caused you to turn to look at him in surprise.

A few weeks ago during one of the missions, there was an incident in a cantina on Tatooine where a gang was fighting over the women in the bar. The weird thing is that he would not stop talking about an old holofilm called Love Actually. You an Obi-Wan after that mission vowed that you both needed to watch this film. 

"What did you think?"

" You asked. Obi shrugged before answering you.

"It's pretty good," he answered honestly.

"Really?" You exclaimed in disbelief. "I never pegged you as a Jedi interested in romance films!" 

"They're just a genre.  Besides, I'm quite fond of them." He explained while grinning. His smile seemed contagious and you found yourself smiling too. "There is something about them... They just make you wonder..." 

 He trailed off before shaking his head, dismissing his musings and wants. 

"Wonder what?" You pressed curiously.

"Nothing important, Y/N." He answered shortly.

"You're such a bad liar." You retorted playfully. Obi chuckled softly under his breath, a small smirk making its way onto his lips.

"You always can tell."  He stated before returning back to gazing at the stars. The silence lingered between the two of you and neither of you dared to break it. Eventually, Obi broke the silence by saying, "So you haven't watched it yet have you?"

You chuckled. "Not yet," you confessed. "But now I have to with your glowing review!" You joked. Obi glared playfully at you but eventually gave in a smile, laughing along with you. "Well if you're really that curious, we should watch it together sometime." You said matter of factly.

"Okay," Obi answered without hesitation.

You both joked and laughed discussing various movies that you decided you need to watch together. You ended up telling him all about your favorite movies and how you thought they were better than others. In exchange, he told you all about movies like Titanic which he enjoyed greatly. As usual, your conversation quickly drifted away from the film and towards each other.

"Can I ask you something?" You questioned hesitantly. You had a feeling that you'll regret asking, but this was Obi so you probably had to continue anyways.

"Hmm?" Obi hummed inquisitively, glancing up at you.

"Do you ever wonder about what life would be like if you weren't a Jedi? " You questioned quietly.

Obi looked surprised.

"Like what would your job be? Where would you live? Who would you be with?"

" You asked, knowing full well the answer. But you felt like you needed to hear him say it anyways.

"Y/N…"

Your breath caught in your throat when Obi looked at you, his eyes searching for something you did not know.  You waited patiently, hoping for a response.

"…I would have been very happy with someone like you." He answered quietly. It seemed like he was struggling to say it.

"Someone like me?" You repeated, your heart skipping a beat. Did you read him wrong?

"Yes. Someone… special."

His eyes searched yours for a sign of uncertainty or doubt. Finding none, he continued speaking. "For years you inspired me to do more as a Jedi. You helped to give me purpose." His words warmed your heart. Even though you knew he meant well, you still didn't feel like he fully realized the extent of his feelings toward you. "You showed me how wonderful living could be." He added before leaning in closer to you.

You closed your eyes and held your breath, unsure whether or not you should respond.

"But... We are Jedi." You were finally forced out.

You opened your eyes and saw Obi staring right at you, waiting for you to continue.

"We fight evil, we save people. We are nothing more than a soldier." You concluded. A tear slipped down your cheek as a single word echoed in your mind.

Silence loomed once again in the cockpit until you saw Tatooine in your sight.  

"This is it," you mumbled to yourself. 

--- 

You and Obi-Wan were on the perimeter of the town, seeing where your best advantage is. The slavers had all their captives huddle together guns pointing to their heads. They were also force sensitive so that was nice for you both. You had to be extra cautious. 

Obi took out his lightsaber, holding it against his palm as he approached a group of the men with his head tilted slightly upward. You followed behind closely, staying in the shadows and ready to attack when necessary.

Apparently, Obi-Wan was not as stealthy because when they saw him they immediately started firing. Obi ducked out of the way to avoid being hit by the bullets. He grabbed the captive closest to him, pulling them out of harm's way with him to safety. You went to attack the next target but Obi shot you a look, signaling you to stay put.

You stood where you were but didn't move. You watched as Obi ran up to another group of the slavers and fought them with ease. His movements looked natural. You wondered what kind of training he received to be this graceful.

As you observed the battle going on, you heard a loud scream coming from one of the captives, causing you to snap out of your observation.

You jumped forward, using your force push to jump over the bodies of the fallen slavers who tried to shoot you. Once you landed on the ground you scanned the area, desperately looking for the victim you came here for.

 When you saw her lying unconscious on the ground you instantly rushed over to her side. She was clearly injured judging by the large bleeding gash across her forehead and the dried blood caked across her face. You checked her pulse and breathing, relieved to find that they were both stable although weak. 

You crouched beside her body as you reached into your belt pocket for some bandages and disinfectant. You used the disinfectant on the wound first and then proceeded to wrap some medical tape around her arms to protect them from further damage. She should be fine for now. 

You quickly looked around to survey the area and saw that there were about five slavers left and that they were surrounding Obi-Wan.

 You gritted your teeth and pulled out your lightsaber, trying to save Obi-Wan from the remaining slavers.  You charged at one and slashed him across his abdomen, earning you a cry of pain from the man. When he fell to the ground, the rest of the men started shooting at you.

You dodged every bullet that flew by and slashed and cut at whoever was nearest to you.

That was until you felt a main in your abdomen. With a yell of pain, you fell to the ground with your saber clutched in your hand. Before anyone else got close to you, you ignited your blade and cut through the attacker. 

Obi-Wan rushed to your side and tried to support you but your feet were beginning to fail to keep you up.  You grunted loudly as you tried to stand upright once again. Your breathing was heavy, and beads of sweat began forming on your brow.

"Y/N..." Obi whispered worriedly. You smiled at your friend despite your current condition.

"Don't worry; I've fine." You reassured him. 

"Well, you don't look fine," Obi stated while examining your injury. He glanced at one of his fallen enemies and kicked him harshly in the stomach. After kicking him once again for good measure, he turned his attention back to you. "Let's get you back to the ship. Can you stay conscious for me?"

You nodded. He picked you up bridal style with little effort and carried you towards the ship. He sat down on one of the medical tables in the small medical room. You winced slightly when Obi touched the gash on your abdomen, causing you to wince even more. The laser caused the wound to cauterize but it was deep. Very deep. 

"I'm calling for the medic bot, okay?" He said while caressing your cheek gently with his thumb. Your gaze flickered over to him, a gentle smile tugging at the corner of your lips.

"Yeah." You breathed. He placed a tender kiss on your forehead.

"You remember the movie Love Actually?" You asked but your voice was rough. 

He chuckled lightly as he recalled the holofilm. "Of course I do."

You grinned, your eyes crinkling at the edges, and his heart melted at that moment.

"Promise me that we will watch it. If not now, somewhere else."  You requested. He smiled softly.

"If that is your wish then I'll grant it." He hated saying stuff like that. You were going to be fine.  You couldn't die. He wouldn't let you. There was no way. Not after everything that happened.

Your eyelids began to start to feel heavy.  You leaned against him with a sigh of relief. You wanted to tell him that you loved him. That you always will love him. To tell him that you loved him. But you weren't sure if you were strong enough to make that statement yet. Right now you just wanted to sleep.

"Hey, you gotta keep those eyes open for me, Y/N,"   Obi spoke softly, a sad smile plastered onto his face. Your heart swelled at his words as he brushed his thumbs over your cheeks comfortingly.  "Please."

The last thing you remembered before you passed out was the sound of Obi's soft voice telling you to hold on.

--- 

It was definitely too bright. You groaned loudly when you awoke to the blinding light above you. Everything hurt. Your whole body ached. And even more, your abdomen hurt. The only thought that came to mind was that the last thing you remembered was getting shot and then passing out. You opened your eyes slowly and blinked a few times. The brightness of the lights made you grimace and squeeze your eyes shut again.

Suddenly you heard voices, muffled and unfamiliar. Opening your eyes again, you squinted to see if the light would help but you still could barely see anything due to how blurry it was.

"How is she?" A familiar voice asked.

"She'll be fine, Obi-Wan. She just needs some rest." 

"Fine? She's been unconscious for three days!" 

"Again, she just needs rest. I'll check on her again to see if her vitals change but she will recover completely." 

The door could be heard opening with swift footsteps slowly becoming further and further away. You thought that they had both left until some of the footsteps appeared to be coming closer to you.

"Y/N?"

A warm touch rested on top of your hand. You blinked once to try and focus on your vision.  As soon as your eyes were able to focus, you saw two blue orbs staring back at you. 

"Obi." You choked out, reaching up to cup his face. You pulled him down to lean your foreheads against each other.

You closed your eyes, taking a shuddering breath. You missed his warmth.

"Are you alright?" His voice was laced with concern and his eyes searched yours intensely.

"I'm...fine...Just..." You trailed off, clearing your throat. You opened your mouth to speak again but paused, he was very close.  You closed your eyes again, leaning your forehead against his and enjoying his presence. You inhaled his intoxicating scent deeply, trying to memorize every detail.

You slowly lifted your head and gave him a sweet smile. "Thank you. For saving my life. I...wasn't sure that I was going make it..."

His expression softened at your words. "You're safe now."

You shook your head and sighed tiredly. "Obi-Wan, I was so scared... I need to tell you something..."

His eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. "Y/N, Tell me what?"

You began to glance at his lips. 

"Obi..." You trailed off before placing your fingers lightly on his jawline, closing the gap between you, and pressed your lips to his softly. 

You knew exactly what your decision meant. You were hoping that he would return your feelings.

However, Obi wasn't moving at all as he continued to stare at you. He had frozen completely in place as he watched your lips on his. This didn't mean that he didn't want this, he did. It was just that he was shocked. 

"Y/N, you do know what this means. We are Jedi. If we do this..."  He trailed off as he swallowed nervously.

You nodded slowly, knowing exactly where he was going with this.

"I want to. I want to live I life that I know when I die, I can say it was worth it."  You said, gazing intently into his eyes.

Obi gazed down at you, studying your beautiful features closely. He noticed that your pupils were dilated and your skin was glowing faintly with health and strength that he was scared wouldn't come back.

"If we get found out, we'll have to leave the order."  He stated firmly.  

"For you, it is a risk I am willing to take." You replied. His face lit up at your words and he leaned down to place a small kiss on your forehead.  You felt the tingle in your chest that accompanied the feeling.

"Then I shall follow your lead, Y/N.  Together we shall bring balance to the Force."

You leaned up to capture his lips again, savoring the taste of him. He reciprocated immediately as the kiss deepened.

Eventually, you broke apart, resting your hands on his shoulders as he cupped your face with his hands.

"What now?" You questioned.

"Now...let's go home."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Submit a request here

[ezraspiderwick]

unseen smile

Pairing: Din Djarin x f!Reader

It's your first anniversary and Din wonders if he should take his helmet off

Word count: 900

Rating: teen

Warnings: none

Also on Ao3

    It was still early when Din slipped out of bed and sat down to drive the Razor Crest. Of course, there was no real need for him to do that, you were in one of the safest parts of the galaxy and autopilot was more than enough. Still, he needed something to distract himself with. For the past few days, there had been something bothering him, and no matter what he did it would not go away.

    Today marked the anniversary of your first year together, it hadn’t been the easiest of rides, but you had made it work. Din looked at the necklace in his hand, a couple of weeks ago he thought it would be the perfect gift, but right now it didn’t look like enough. You deserved so much more.

    This past year had been the best of his life, but there was something that kept haunting him, you had never seen his smile. The one that appeared on his face every time you looked at him. You didn’t get to see how happy you made him. So, here he was, considering the one thing he had never thought about before, not when it was bothersome, not when it would have made life easier, and not even when he was in pain. He wanted to take his helmet off for you.

    It was not because you ever asked him to do it, in fact, you had made it clear that you’d never want to put him in a position where he had to choose between his beliefs or you. And he appreciated that more than words could convey. The first time he had expressed his concern about the topic to you, your response was that you loved him for the person he was, not for how he might look under the beskar. And even though your tone had been loving and cheerful he couldn’t help but think there was a sad undertone to it.

    It wasn’t fair for you to love a faceless man.

    He kept thinking about how his heart would break if he wasn’t able to see your smile or those beautiful eyes anymore. Who was he to deprive you of that experience? He wouldn’t do it, not anymore, he loved you too much.

The Mandalorians were his family, his religion.

But you.

Oh, you.

You were his entire world, his goddess.

So he made his decision.

    The moment you saw him coming down the ladder, that smile he loved so much appeared on your face. You stopped what you were doing and approached him, placing your forehead against the helmet.

“Happy anniversary my love,” you said looking up. He knew you couldn’t see his face, you were only looking at your own reflection, yet you smiled as if you were able to see him, which only reinforced his decision.

    He loved you more than anything or anyone in the galaxy. You had taught him to love and to laugh, had given him the happiness he had lost long ago. Now he wanted to give you in return the most important thing he had: himself.

    He reached for his helmet and at the sound of clicking you immediately took a step back, confusion written all over your face.

“What are you doing?” you asked, worry seeping into your voice. He stepped forward, closing the space between you while whispering your name. “Din?” you asked again, closing your eyes when he started taking off his helmet. “Din you don’t have to do this. I don’t want you to choose.”

“It has never been a choice; it’s always been you. It will always be you,” he replied.

“Why now?” he thought he knew the answer to this question, he wanted this to be a present for you, but he realized there was something else, he was also doing this for him.

“I want you to see me, to really see me,” he answered in a whisper that sounded like a plea. His breathing was fast, he wasn't sure he'd be able to take it if you said no.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” he took off his helmet and put it on the floor. Din placed his hand on your cheek, making small circles with his thumb just like he knew you liked. As you leaned into the touch, a grin appeared on his face. “Open your eyes,” he said softly, but you still seemed hesitant.

“How do we know you won’t regret this?” you asked, your eyes still close.

“Because loving you could never be a mistake,” he placed his lips on your forehead and gave you a kiss before taking a step back.

The moment you opened your eyes he tensed up waiting for your reaction. What if he wasn’t what you were expecting? He couldn’t even breathe as your eyes scanned his features. But as you placed a hand over his heart and smiled at him, he knew he could relax.

“I love you,” you said staring into his eyes. You had told each other those words before but this time was different, this time there was nothing between you.

“I love you too,” he replied, his smile mirroring your own.

“You got a beautiful smile,” you chuckled which only made his smile become bigger.

    You took a step forward and kissed him, letting your hands explore his hair. Din placed his hands on your waist and brought you closer to him.

    When you split apart, each of you with a smile on your lips, your eyes still locked on each other, he knew this was all he could ever want.

[buckys-bitchhh]

Okayy Request #2 lol sorry

Can I request a TFATWS!Bucky x Reader where reader is Steve’s sister and she is Bucky’s wife (she’s also a supersoldier) and when their son Steve who is 3-5 years old wants to do something dangerous, reader says no but Bucky goes behind her back and little steve gets hurt doing it and goes to the hospital (broken bone) and when they get home reader gives Bucky silent treatment. Angst with fluffy ending💝

Prompts #59 and #67

hiii bestie thank you again for sending sooo many great requests! I feel like I say this with all of them but I really love these two prompts paired together! Once again, any feedback would be greatly appreciated (:

im sorry this took me literally 3 or 4 months to writing! But here it is now and I truly hope everyone who reads it, enjoys it!

☝🏼lastly do not repost, copy or translate my works nor post them anywhere else. minors and ageless blogs do not interact with my blog or my fics. 18+ only.

Good Cop, Bad Cop

Word count: 3.3k+

Prompt #59: stop ignoring me. Its driving me crazy."

Prompt #67: "please don't give me the silent treatment, I need to hear your voice."

Steve Rogers was never a topic to avoid or brush over in your household. You and Bucky have always made sure your son remembered his Uncle Steve, your brother. A little over 4 years ago you and Bucky had your son and named him Steven Greyson Barnes. Little Steve did get to meet his uncle and I think we can all guess who his favorite Avenger was. He loved spending time with his uncle whether it was playing Baseball in the yard or sitting down together to sketch. But after they defeated Thanos, Steve had to go into hiding which meant you and Bucky were trying to find the right time to re-introduce them. When Little Steve asks about your brother and when Uncle Steve is coming back, you both look at him and tell him that Uncle Steve is doing an important mission on the moon.

So, when Steve passed down the shield to Sam, your little boy was beyond excited his entire family was superheroes.

Sam ended up inviting all of you to come to Louisiana, so you and your little family made the road trip down there. Was the drive long? yes. But let's be honest, if you took a plane Bucky would have set off the alarms while going through TSA and you knew that would draw unwanted attention. Besides, you would get to cherish the memories of a road trip, butttt keeping a five-year old entertained was harder than you thought. Movies worked for a bit but with movies comes snacks, and with snacks comes drinks, and with drinks means more bathroom breaks. So, then you resorted to I Spy and Disney sing-a-longs, even getting Bucky to sing a few. Once that stopped working Little Steve was getting antsy.

“Mama are we there yet?” He would ask.

“Uh we have a few more hours Bub, you ok?” You ask looking back and checking on him.

“I need to go potty.” He replies as Bucky parks the car at a rest stop.

“Alright, you and Mama head to the bathrooms and I’ll grab more snacks?” Bucky asks turning to the both of you.

“M&MS PLEASE!” Little Steve all but yells out excitedly, bringing small smiles to the both of your faces.

“Can you just grab some chips, please” You ask before giving him a small kiss and then getting out of the car.

“Whatever you want Mama Bear.” He says watching you help Little Steve out of the car.

You all handle your business and meet back up at the car. Little Steve running right into his dad’s arms and Bucky scoops him right up. You looked at your son and saw he was the perfect mix of you and Bucky.

Bucky is putting Little Steve back into the car as you go into the trunk to grab a blanket for him, hoping he would fall asleep for a bit. You go to get into the driver's seat until someone stops you.

“And what do you think you’re doing Mrs. Barnes?” Bucky asks you.

“I’m driving Mr. Barnes” you say with a smirk. You love your husband and how much of a gentleman he is, but he needed rest and you knew he wasn’t going to take it.

“No, you’re not.” He replies.

“Hun, you need sleep, or at least take a nap.” You answer not moving from your spot. He goes to speak up, but you cut him off and he then narrows his eyes at you.

“Buck it’s a 20-hour drive and you barely slept last night.” You say as he gives you a questioning look. “You were tossing and turning last night.” You add as he wraps his arms around your waist. He kisses your forehead and apologizes for keeping you awake.

“Bub you know it doesn’t bother me; it lets me know my old man didn’t croak in his sleep.” You reply giggling and push him towards the passenger side of the car.

“You asshole..” He mumbles while smiling.

You get into the car and hand Little Stevie the blanket but as you’re about to put the car into reverse you hear him speak up.

“Papa can you sit back here with me?” He asks with a little yawn.

“I’d love to buddy!” Bucky says has he switches from the passenger seat to the backseat. After everyone settles in, Bucky puts on a movie for Little Stevie, and you get back on the road. They were talking for a little while but after about an hour it got really quiet. You looked in the rearview mirror and you swore your heart was going to melt. Your boys were fast asleep, Bucky leaning against the car seat while holding Little Stevie’s hand.

You made sure no one was in front of you or next to you on the road before quickly snapping a picture of the two.

***

You drove for about 5 more hours and the boys slept the entire time up until a few minutes ago. You heard whimpering from the backseat and when you checked the rearview mirror you saw Little Stevie with tears in his eyes. Bucky tried calming him down, but more tears just fell down his face. Luckily there happened to be another rest stop so you pulled in and as soon as you put the car in park, you jumped out. One of the things your boys had in common? Nightmares. Bucky got out of the car to stand near the door, and you unbuckled Little Stevie and pulled him into your lap. You rubbed his head as Bucky rubbed his back trying to calm him down.

After about 10 minutes you both finally got him to calm down, but you figured it was a bad one because as soon as you moved to get out of the car, he clung onto you tighter. With Bucky’s help you somehow managed to get out of the car with Little Stevie in your arms.

“Hey Bub, I’m going to give you to Papa ok? Mama has to go to the bathroom, but I’ll be out here as soon as you come out ok?” You say handing him over to Bucky. He whimpers but clings onto Bucky. You all go your separate ways, but you make sure to be back at the car before they are, just like you promised. You put him back in his car seat but hold his hand as you turn to Bucky, and he pulls you in for a hug.

“Are you ok to drive the rest of the way?” You ask looking up at him.

“Of course, love, it’s only a few more hours.” Bucky replies as he lets you go. You let go of Stevie’s hand to close the door and get in on the other side. Bucky follows you around the car and opens the back door for you.

***

By the time you pulled into Sam’s driveway, Little Stevie was back to his old self and swinging his legs excitedly. Bucky parked while you unbuckled and let your son out of his car seat. You both exited the car to Sam, Sarah and the boys making their way outside. Little Steve ran straight into Sam’s arms while Aj, and Cass ran straight to you. Everyone greets each other before making your way into the house. The boys went to go play in the other room, you and Sarah caught up in the kitchen, Sam helped Bucky unload the car and moved everything into the guest house. It wasn’t huge but you didn’t mind, it was actually quite cozy, it was more of a mother-in-law suite, but it was perfect for you and your little family.

The rest of the night was very chill, you helped Sarah make dinner and later on in the night you all went outside to have a small bonfire.

***

The next few days were going well, Bucky was helping Sam with something on the boat and the boys hung out on the dock with them.

The little ones were all taking turns holding the shield when you and Sara came down to bring them lunch. Little Steve was trying to hold the big shield in his tiny hands, barely being able to lift.

“Look mommy I’m like Uncle Steve!” He says with a big smile.

“Aw Bub you look so cool! But why don’t you put it down, I don’t want you to get hurt.” You reply trying not to break his little heart. Aj extends his hands and waits for Stevie to hand it to him, which he does while pouting. Cass tried to distract him with other things on the boat.

Hearing other voices, Sam and Bucky come onto the side of the boat that faces the dock.

“Of course, you two come out as soon as you smell food.” Sara says teasing.

“Excuse me, we are working real hard trying to catch tonight’s dinner.” Sam answers sassily.

“No offense Sam but I think that requires you to take the boat away from the dock and a little farther into the ocean.” You butt in and Sara is trying to hold back her laugh.

“Wow, all the hard work we are putting in and look how underappreciated we are.” Bucky replies sarcastically as you raise your eyebrow at him.

“Oh really? It seems like we brought too much food. Sara didn’t you say there was a rather good-looking man who owns a boat a little farther down?” You ask turning to Sara.

“You know what, you’re right!” Sara says going along with you and then pulls you in the other direction.

“Pump your breaks.” You hear Sam call out, stopping you and Sara stop where you are trying to not laugh.

“Alright alright! C’mon boys time for lunch!” You call out to the kids as you set out the plates for them.

Cass and Aj came over first and you noticed Little Stevie hanging back while looking at the shield.

“Stevie, c’mon bud! leave it alone and come eat.” You say as you watch him come over with a heavy sigh.

Bucky watched and looked over confused but didn’t want to question anything in front of the boys. After lunch the kids went back to playing at the front of the boat and Sam went to show Sara something down near the engine.

“What was that?” Bucky asked and wrapped his arm around your shoulder.

“What was what?” You also ask as you wrap your arm around his torso.

“You wouldn’t let Stevie touch the shield.” He says.

“Oh. Yea well he was playing with it earlier and he was barely lifting it, I don’t want him to get hurt.” You answer looking up at him.

“Mama that’s how he learns, even though we both want to, we can’t protect him from everything.” Bucky replies pulling you closer to him.

“I know I know it’s just.. maybe in a year or two we can show it to him again.” You answer laying your head on his shoulder. Bucky didn’t really say anything afterwards both of you enjoying the time in each other’s arms.

Until out of the corner of your eye, you see a small tug on Sam’s line and then you see it again and again before lightly tapping Bucky on the chest. Bucky then calls out to Sam to get back out here on the deck.

**

Later on, and after Sam pulled his line from the water only to find a small fish on the line, you and Sara were just chatting on the back of the boat. Little to your knowledge Bucky was talking to Little Stevie. Watching Little Stevie look at the shield with sad eyes, Bucky couldn’t take it anymore. He pulls Little Stevie to the side and kneels down.

“So, Bubba, why don’t you take the shield to the front of the boat! It will be our little secret.” Bucky says holding out his pinky finger. Little Stevie squeals before wrapping his little pinky finger around his dads.

Little did anyone know things were about to take a turn for the worst.

Cass and Aj were confused because they remember earlier you said no but it didn’t take long for them to go back to fishing when small tugs were felt on their fishing pole.

Little Stevie managed to keep the Shield out of your sight, but you could see him running back and forth. You could hear him making noises and would turn every few seconds to check on him.

Stevie was getting tired and with his arms in the arm holders of the shield he tried to lower it as he was walking. But he tripped over the bottom of the shield and when he fell, his arm twisted the opposite way.

You heard the thump and Sara stopped mid-sentence. You turned in his direction to not see him anywhere and you got up. Not even a second later you heard him wail and start to cry. Everyone rushing over and once you got to him, your heart shattered.

Your poor baby laid out on the ground, tears running down his face, and his arm twisted at an angle it shouldn’t be.

Sara took Cass and Aj onto the other side of the boat to give everyone space.

Fighting back your own tears you sit down near his head and start running your fingers through his hair. You turn to Sam and Bucky for them to already be bent down trying to remove his arm from the Shield with minimal amounts of pain.

“Mama!!” Little Steve yells wanting to be in your arms.

“Your okay baby, Mama is here. Papa and Uncle Sam are going to try to help you alright? Just keep looking at Mama, Bub.” You say as his eyes kept bouncing from yours to the men trying to maneuver his arm.

“Buck any way we try to move his arm it is going to hurt him. Y/n you keep him focused on you, Buck try to hold him down, and I’ll get his arm out of the Shield.” Sam says trying to get his arm out as soon as possible so you all could get to the hospital.

You look up at Bucky and he had this look in his eyes that you couldn’t understand. You were about to ask him when Sam counted down and everyone did their own jobs.

**

Finally in the car, Stevie hadn’t stopped crying and refused to leave your lap. You put the seatbelt around the both of you and tried to calm him down.

“Hey Bubba, can you tell me what happened?” You see Bucky snap his neck in the direction of the two of you.

“B-but I p-pinky promised Papa.” Little Stevie said in between tears.

“Stevie, you gotta tell Mama, Papa won’t be mad.” You answered and looked up at Bucky, but he had his head in his hands.

“A-after you s-say no, P-pa-pa say I can p-play with the shield.” Little Steve says hiccupping.

“He say it’s o-our secret” He adds on as more tears fall down his face.

“Hey it’s okay, it’s okay! Mama isn’t mad. Did you fall and twist your arm?” You ask still looking in Bucky’s direction as he wouldn’t make eye contact.

“Yea the s-shield was heavy.” He says in between sniffles.

You guys pulled into the front of the hospital and got out as Sam went to go park. Little Stevie wanted his Papa so you both switched.

“Sugar..” He looked at you like a kicked puppy.

“No” You reply as you did not want to fight in front of your son and with his arm being broken, you needed to get inside and get inside fast. You turn and walk through the entrance and straight to the front desk.

You filled out paperwork and then they took Stevie back to get X-rays as you and Bucky were waiting in the Pediatric Waiting Room.

You sat there looking straight ahead and bouncing your leg while fighting back tears. Bucky was doing the same except he was looking straight at you.

“Doll..”

“Sugar..”

“…Darling..”

“..Honey..” Bucky tries for the last time as his voice cracks.

“Please don’t give me the silent treatment, I need to hear your voice.” Bucky whispers.

You never liked to talk things out when you were anger, you did not want to say things you did not mean.

Bucky then grabs your hand within his and you let out a shaky breath. You look at him before getting up and heading to the vending machines.

You barely made it over there before you started bawling. You felt like it was your fault your son was hurt. You thought maybe if you paid more attention to him you wouldn’t be in this situation. But with Bucky going behind your back like that, it hurt.

One part of you was hurt your husband would go behind your back and undermine you, and the other part felt like you always played good cop, bad cop.

You constantly being the bad cop, and Bucky being the good cop.

You wipe your eyes as you hear someone clear their throat. You turn to see Bucky waiting down the hall waiting outside a door, as the nurse notified you that Steve was in a room and the doctor would be in there shortly.

You didn’t look at Bucky as you approached the door until you felt him grab your arm to stop you.

“Y/n, I’m sorry! I didn’t think he would get hurt; I wasn’t trying to get him to lie to you.” Bucky says looking into your eyes. You couldn’t find the words to say without tears welling up in your eyes again and quite frankly you didn’t want to argue in the middle of the hospital.

You look away from your husband before opening the door to go check on your son. Bucky wiped the tears that fell down his face and then follows you inside.

The doctor came in and showed you where Stevie’s arm was broken, and he would need a cast. Stevie sat on your lap as Bucky and Sam tried to distract him as the cast was being put on.

After it was finish, you were signing discharge paperwork as Bucky and Sam took a sleeping Stevie to the car.

**

Once you all got back to the house you said goodnight and went your separate way from Sam.

Bucky carried Stevie into where you were staying and tucked him into bed, as you watched from the door. You walked over and kissed Stevie on the forehead before the both of you made your way out of the room.

You went to get a glass of water as Bucky watched you from the opposite side of the kitchen.

After you were done you put the glass in the sink and tried to leave the kitchen.

“Stop ignoring me. Its driving me… crazy.” Bucky says as his voice cracks at the end.

“Bucky… our son got hurt and I-I couldn’t do anything to help him.” You respond with your lip quivering.

“I feel like I have to play the bad cop all the time! Why couldn’t you back me up just this one time, Buck?” You add on as Bucky makes his way over to you.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Your right, I should have backed you up. It’s my fault he got hurt, alright?” He says pulling you close to him. You reach up and wipe the tear falling down his cheek.

“Buck.. you didn’t know he was going to fall, it’s not your fault.” You say leaning your head on his chest.

“You were right, we can’t protect him from everything.” You add on as it was Bucky stayed silent.

“Yes but you were right, I should have backed you. If we don't agree we need to talk it out. And I’ll make sure to play the bad cop too.” Bucky tried to attempt at a joke. You giggle and shake your head.

“C’mon lemme see that smile, pretty girl.” Bucky says looking down at you. You smile up at him as he kisses your forehead.

“I love you, Mr. Barnes.”

“I love you, Mrs. Barnes.”