#i really hate myself

[keijiqahara]

☆

KAISER was the world’s, never really yours. You get reminded time and time again whenever he leaves you alone at home for games far from home and when he gives the same smiles to you as he does his fans. And yet. And yet. Your heart still aches the same even as the years go by, still yearns for his love to be yours, and yours only. They said that hope prevailed wherever love was present, but you weren’t sure if what you ever had with him was love or simply the ghost of an affection you once both had for each other. He said he was yours, so why were you looking at him blowing kisses to his fans through the screen of your tv instead of having your lips against his in that moment? He said he was yours, so why were you clenching his jersey in your hands on your shared bed while he was out partying instead of him embracing you in his warm arms? He said he was yours, and yet he found it so easy to leave you be. You said you were his, but why does your heart sink whenever you see him? You knew the answers to these questions, that this relationship was long overdue, but gosh, it was so hard to let go.

There were times when you thought you knew him as Micha, your beloved boyfriend and not Kaiser, German prodigy of the football world. It was those rare days when he was finally home, and you had your arms wrapped around his waist, his back facing you. You had thought, "But no one else could have him in their arms just like i have now, so he must really be mine." But you knew better. You've kept it up well, painted the illusion you wanted to see, for years deceiving your heart. However, the facade had grown evanescent now. Sure, he was physically close to you right then, but what you really knew was that while you were drowning in the depths of the sea, he was at the surface bound by a glorious ship. Silently hoping for that man to dive in and save your shattered soul, while knowing it would never come.

[girlyteengirl16]

when even the drugs don’t make you forget

[francoproject]

Hello Tumblr. You are always here when I feel my normal depression. It's like I can't help it. There is no one that understands me much less, wants to hear how I am feeling. So it's you my Wonderful always there when I have to write something out of my mind.

Tumblr

[torifuckingspring]

i know i'm a very unlikable person i just don't care enough to change myself or whatever

[whimsyvixen]

With the new Scream movie coming out, I really need to stop procrastinating and finish that Billy Loomis drabble that's been sitting in my Google docs for months.

[wololo-01]

I so mad with myself that I want to finish the sketch of Burt being the Toppat leader and other art wips I have but immediately my whole brain try to ignore this sh-t and made do something else and it's NOT because This drawings is taking some energy out of me!! MY BRAIN IS JUST SAYING "haha no." EVERY TIME I THINK ABOUT TO DRAW IT

I feel like I wanna scream of angry and cry at the same time, idk what my problem ;_;

[respectthepetty]

Because I'm my own worst enemy, I have not quit watching Remember Me. Watching episode 13 since I missed it when I was getting speeding tickets on the Autobahn and to my absolute shock, this happened:

This entire conversation was nonsense!

Why would you ask me to marry you when we are breaking up? Um... I don't know. I just followed my heart.

PENDEJOS! (derogatorily)

Then, Champ's sister showing up at his door to tell him she's getting married and is pregnant is so on brand for that ridiculously dysfunctional family.

What is the timeline of this show?! Why is it skipping entire YEARS! Marriage equality did not happen in the United States until 2015, so is Golf sporting that hair in 2015?! MAKE THIS TIMELINE MAKE SENSE?! Name and Em have been in an undefined relationship for 52 years now, yet Nan is already shouting he will get engaged in a year. He is declaring he is pre-engaged, but Em can't even call Name his boyfriend?!

The only good thing to come out of this episode was this moment

And even this was too late in the series.

One more episode, and I'm released. I apparently hate myself more than I hate this show which is why I'm forcing myself to finish it, and that's saying a lot. This is the BL balance. I watched too many good series in 2022, so I needed one show to humble me out and remind me not to take those other shows for granted.

[charliethinks]

tw: suicidal ideation ? death

i want to die. but i don’t want to just die. i want to suffer. i want it to be the worst possible death someone can imagine.

[hellblazer-blossom]

Ever feel you annoy everyone you talk to? Like you’re just stood there and the person looks so annoyed so you’re feeling you should shut up…like you’re that unlovable even just breathing annoys everyone?

Yeah that’s me :)

[misfit-among-the-angels]

Maybe you push people away unintentionally because that's safer than someone who stays? It's something I did for a long time. But once you get aware of this. You can work on it.

Maybe but then it means that it is actually my fault and sadly it doesn't help. It makes everything worse. It just means that i deserve to be alone and i can't really change it. 😭

[dollbited]

i’m so bitter and i’m never getting over anything ever

[unachicasolablog]

Hay días en las que mis emociones son un completo sube y baja, esta cabron porque pum de la nada estas super abaja pensando miles de cosas, recapitulando todo lo que has hecho, te desanimas, te sientes triste, te alejas de todos, evitas contacto, quieres desaparecer pero por alguna razón no puedes hacerlo por completo.

Esta de la mierda sentirte tan mal por ti mismo, mas cuando empiezas a notar todo eso que dejas de hacer que te hace mas daño y sigues siendo consciente y lo sigues permitiendo, una completa lucha que a veces no sabes si puedes ganar o no…

-22/07/24

[amenomenory]

Time to vent-sing along to emo songs to numb things 😭

[beforethepoison]

i think a girl likes me but i am a straight woman OH GOSH * I WANNA DIE*

[spider-pans-blog]

I am very stupid

I have locked my self out of my room with my key in my room so that’s great now I have to call the office and ask them to open my room for me

[partstalk]

I hate having attachment issues. My girlfriend is helping a mutual friend with how they are feeling. It's understandable. But I feel horrible and now I feel jealous on top of it and my instinctual reaction is to isolate myself. Which never helps. But I don't know if it would be inappropriate to voice how I feel. I don't know what to do.