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Right! Everytime!

I will kiss every part of your body you feel insecure about.

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It's really insane how much I like to watch read and sometimes feel people. I like to study them. It's like I am starving for something. I mean I love to deep dive into some people. In general most people but some more than others.

I love to know someone. Not because I want to be social but because I am interested in people.

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“Only those who care about you, can hear you when you’re quiet.”

— lieinlove

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My God do I hate depression.

It is like slowly dieing. So slow that you can't breathe at times.

I don't want to be this anymore. I don't want to be anymore.

Depression is an imaginary friend That is real.

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Damn.

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In this old gym I have told myself not to quit. Still saying it.

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So I had to do something that I have to do at least twice a year. I put off work and I put off work. Knowing I am going to pay for it. And yes. All nighter going into the 48 hour I believe?

I had a 1pm meeting with a new client that is taking a long time to pay when they said they would. But it a year contract and I need to shut up.

Just not catching that break. And I had to catch up on work which I am still way behind.

I move back out in just a few days. Going to miss my kids. I am flat broke at the moment. Why?? You may ask me

Because when I sent the invoice. I had one letter off and needless to say it's going to take a little while to get new voices in. I timed everything pretty good just didn't count for that oh well. I've been in worse it's just exhausting when you haven't had 20-something or 30 something hours of not sleeping because you had to pull off another all-nighter so that you can get your work done. You make your bed and now I got to sleep in it.

I have the house at the point I can have it clean. And my kids can worded why the house gets wrecked again. My poor kids just wanted an adult in the house. But any way!!!

I am thinking about going to play at an open mic night for acoustic players. I think with a lack of sleep in two bears I won't care whether I sound good or bad I'll just go ahead and sing my brown ass off.

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The struggle in my life is not that I keep looking back at all the regret I have but, that I had to live them to only have nothing but wasted hurt. Pathetic.

Franco

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Nappy!

Who? Me?

Sorry don't remember what that's like. My depression is depressing. Trust me I know!

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It's funny to see how people look at you when you are speaking plainly, direct, and most importantly honesty.

They run. Like a little kid that's scared of something real. It's too close to them.

My Darling that means you are too young for something real.

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What's up Tumblr? Been a minute since last we talked. I hope you have been doing well and amazing things.

Me not so much but I can say I have lived to learn. Watched to see. Listened to feel.

Yeah I am one of those people. "Deep thinker". Sometimes people tell me that I am an over-thinker. Which then I think to myself. If you are calling me an over Dose that means the people around don't take the time to think about something?

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Another holiday riding solo. My kids have Christmas gifts and I have done all I could with what I had to work with. So the family is taken care of.

It's new for me. I have no idea what to do. Can't go to my family and don't want to brother friends. My "get away bar" is closed and the mountains are not where I can get to. My depression is going to skyrocket and I will most likely be dealing with su1c1de. Yeah I have my meds and plenty of flower.

All of this is a petty party. I am sorry Tumblr it is just something I can't ignore. It's going to suck.

Merry Christmas

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Well definitely some stuff here gone down. My son's Mom freaking broke his heart. Broke a promise she said to him. And my poor son was trying to prove that she is someone that doesn't lie anymore. I hate it for him. I was the fool. lol And man when she got caught she turned it up by threatening to call the cops on me and I was trying to get to my kid. She started shoving me against the wall. I didn't fight back or nothing. Was just trying to get to my son. Damn she just made it worse. You know what I hate about myself? I was trying to believe her. Giving the benefit of the doubt and she goes just hurts my son. I hate it when I do that.

Pathetic.

I am sorry son. I didn't want to be right.

Probably going to end up roommates. That would actually be kinda cool. But noooo he has met a pretty cool girl. She actually reaches out to me for help saying she wants to understand my son better. She wants to understand his mind. That's amazing! It's been so long since I seen someone actually be genuine enough to do something like asking about the person. My son has PTSD because of how crazy I went nuts five years ago when this BS started and I caught her in a lie. A pretty big one. And then more and more. I ended up in a behavioral health hospital three times. Battled suicide three times pretty bad. One of them was actually an attempt. I just picked the wrong kinda pills. Praying to God to just let me sleep and not wake up. My son heard all of that. All the screaming and chaos as I was losing my mind not realizing who I was with for 20+ years. The walls in my house look like a warzone. I ruined my kids and I am trying like mad to make it right. For them. Oh forgot to mention I kicked her ou lt. He said he doesn't want her back for 30 days. And she did it! Finally got that one right. So I am back in my house and cleaning up all kinds of trash. An adult is in the home and it still looks disgusting.

I am sorry son.

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It's been some time now that I said anything to you Tumblr. Not really much to say. Still the same here. Depression and anxiety are out of control. 😂😭😂

But yeah I hope someone's HOPE is still alive. And that you protect your heart for what's real and nothing else.

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But I need to be honest. It's not going to be easy. So not worth the trouble. I honestly don't think anyone can help with the mind job I got stuck in. And all I can say is.

-Used Garbage

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“It all begins and ends in your mind. What you give power to, has power over you, if you allow it.”

— Unknown

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My Sunshine, it was your senior year and it was the night before you left for your big drama trip. You were so excited. That night I was driving you home so you could get your things packed. There was a very clear night sky. You leaned forward and looked up at the moon. I believe it was almost a full moon. Actually... It was a full one because that's what you said to me. Your face was softly lit by the moon. You said look! I couldn't because I was looking at the same little smile I remember you would have when you popped your head around the bed. The same look and smile. You were around 2 years old.

Thinking of you my Sunshine

-Dad