#sorry just wanna vent a little
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I so mad with myself that I want to finish the sketch of Burt being the Toppat leader and other art wips I have but immediately my whole brain try to ignore this sh-t and made do something else and it's NOT because This drawings is taking some energy out of me!! MY BRAIN IS JUST SAYING "haha no." EVERY TIME I THINK ABOUT TO DRAW IT
I feel like I wanna scream of angry and cry at the same time, idk what my problem ;_;
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turns out a brief moment of feeling ok doesnt mean im done grieving
anywho, heres a vent doodle with a pose i saw online, might not reblog the road trip thread posts for a bit (i feel bad for not being able to participate in my own trend but as long as people enjoyed it then i dont mind all too much)
i dont wanna call it a break bc i cant help but be on tumblr, but things might go quiet in terms of art or me talking.
hope yall are doin well today/tonight/timezone n ill see yall when i see you :3
#oz rambles#aaaaaaa sorry for the venting#i try to not do so much on the sideblog bc i wanna make this a place to chill#but i dont want anyone to think im ignoring in reblogging their posts#i see every road trip post n i love it when yall tag me in stuff#i just dont have the spoons for the next while to respond in a way i can properly express my gushing towards them#i love how i say its just a silly little event but i also get beaten up by the fact i cant properly do the prompts atm /lh#anywho impromptu ramble in the tags over#also if anyone who has reblogged my earlier post abt my situation sees this. tysm for your messages. /gen#i cant properly find the words to express it. but they mean a lot and i thank you for taking the time to write em#gonna go and rest mentally now#love you all#cw death#vent#artswin#kinda#tis just a doodle#naroz#ozrator#digitalmuse#selfship#qpr selfship#self ship
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i feel selfish for saying i’m upset about this but my moms considering cancelling our trip to see outsiders because my brother has the weekend off and i guess she’d rather spend that time with him
#i feel selfish cause he is in college and i get they wanna see gim#but then again they also left me the day i got my wisdom teeth out and left me practically by myself to see him#and she springs on me now that “oh yeah we’re going to possibly cancel our trip yo see the show because he might want yo come home”#even though we’re driving up to see him at the end of september and a week post october 18gh for his bothday and once again like two weeks#<before#i sound like a brat i know but like…i dunno#i hope we don’t cancel it#i love my brother i really do#it just sucks cause i bought these tickets in july and she’s just telling me now that we may not go#idk do u sound like a brat?#probably#sorry#misc#vent#kinda?#idk she said it’s either that or we’ll just try to buy an extra ticket#because my dad and little brother are going to a football game that weekend#i hope he can come instead
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Hey in case y’all were wondering I’m having a bad time
#it feels a little selfish. very selfish. nothing even happened to me#just thinking about my friend who is maybe kinda going through it and hasn’t responded to me or my friends texts in a week#even though she’s read them (read receipt is on)#and an online friend is having a bad time and I feel bad for them#and my brain is trying to convince me I made everything worse ever somehow#anxiety. fun#plus show I just watched is making me think about things in my life that I don’t want to#and I pulled an all nighter on accident which is making things worse probably but I can’t go to sleep now#anyways. if y’all wanna just ignore me for the next. 20 maybe. 10 minimum. minutes#sorry. bout all this i feel bad throwing this out here. feels icky. but I need to say it somewhere and I’m just not having a good time.#sorry venting#vent post#venting
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having to explain to people things like. if i have to go out to do something and run errands i need to have it all mapped out and planned w like. at least a week in advance. and if i go out that day i cannot do anything else because That will be it. if i have multiple commitments that cannot be put on the same day i need one full day in between those commitments so i can rest and be recharged for that next thing otherwise i might have a breakdown in the middle of the street (again) and then That will render me unable to function for like a whole three days. and then people look at me like i choose to live like this?
#txt#audhd tag#just venting a little#its crazy because ppl around me are like I understand your limitations However why dont you-#So you dont understand my limitations?#like okay yeah i understand that it must be Weird for people that are not Inside my brain and hard to understand that i PHYSICALLY CANNOT>#do things that they dont even think about. alright! but to sit and tell me Yeah we get it! but then try to either fix it or >#> come up w a New Incredible Way To Fix Me as if half of what i talk abt w my therapist isnt Exactly This#like yeah i dont fucking like it either. i wish i could do shit like other ppl do. i wish i could remember things.#i wish i didnt feel exhausted all the time i wish simply leaving my bed wasnt the most difficult task every single morning#but it pisses me OFF when people try to talk me through these Limitations i have that They Understand<3 like. can you be accommodating or no#one of my closest friends and oldest friends since i was like 5 had her bday on friday and she ljterally messaged me like#Hi we r having something w my family but theyre rly loud and extremist on the right wing side and i barely wanna be here u dont have 2 come>#> but i wanted to invite u anyway so u dont think ur being left out! and i was like Yayy nice thank u bc lbr i probably wouldnt go anyway.#and she KNOWS that. and she literally was talking to me like she alwahs does and That felt accommodating and understanding and i felt loved#cut to my mom last night trying to make me feel guilty for not going because Shes my friend and i should have gone anyway.#i told her off and she backtracked but thats still innmy head like. that shit is so irritating#okay sorry vent over im just aboht to get my period so this is making me sick#want to yell into the void and forget about it. Hits post
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woke up to several people unfollowing me and an intensely homophobic anon 🥲 y’all are a part of the ghost fandom, i thought we were all queer here LOL
nonetheless, i understand that all fanfiction is subjective. everyone has their takes on a character, and you’re free to unfollow! i just ask politely that you don’t send me hateful asks/messages
#not gonna answer the anon because they don’t deserve it#sorry not sorry i made imperator wanna kiss her assistant#just a little frustrating i guess#vent ig?#rambles#the band ghost
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i'm well aware there are single parents out there working full time but i think working full time and living alone with my dog is about to put me in a psychward
#why cant i handle what other people seem to handle effortlessly lmao#im so fucking exhausted and burnt-out i need demonic possession to save me or smth#like please @ random demon you will do a better job for sure#idk its like. my dog is now spending so much time alone when im at home that i feel really guilty#if i wanna go out or do anything that doesnt involve her#i have no damn time and energy#i might spend half a free day cleaning but its all a mess anyway#and then i will come back home like today just exhausted after 5 days of work in a row#and i just wanna take her for a walk and get myself smth to eat and chill a little#and i find! is poop all over the damn floor i finally managed to wash like a day ago#and it stinks so fucking bad i nearly throw up cleaning up#and then have a breakdown in the bathroom. as you do.#HOW DO PEOPLE LIVE LIKE THIS I AM SO FUCKING EXHAUSTED#its also not fair to my dog idk this sucks so much#i doubt anyone read all this bht if you did hi and sorry#needed to vent unfortunately#wah im TIRED
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Me when time and time again finally comes back from hiatus
#sorry this is just a shitpost.#shitposts#uhhhh#I'll tag stuff like this as 'shitposts' hows that#so that you can block them if you wanna#ever since getting suspended on twitter I've decided. fuck that site.#I'll be posting a lot more regular here#for all the little memes and sketches I do#rather than just illustrations#but I make liberal use of tags so you can filter out whatever you want!#I'll tag uhmmm sketches. memes. text posts. rambles. vents. etc... so. should stay p organized and p blockable#ttawebcomic#time and time again
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hm
#little bit uh. feeling like I don’t wanna be here anymore. not here as in tumblr but here as in. yknow.#anyway sorry I don’t wanna post it on here but I just need to vent it somewhere. I’ll prob delete it soon.#I’m just really tired of pretending anything’s ever gonna get better for me#I feel so genuinely powerless to change anything#I’m just very tired#mrow.org
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#I hate it when looking at art makes me wanna lay down my pen for good and just curl up and cry#cause how can I ever create anything as beautiful#of course I try to turn this feeling into something productive instead#supporting other artists and letting them inspire me#but I still would love if I could just stop feeling like this altogether#sorry that i keep venting like this#been struggling a lot mentally and I just... feel a little lost rn#holding on! but... you know how it is
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kind of annoys me sometimes how I can happily listen to my roommate explain the entire plot of whatever she's currently into but when it comes to my interests she can only listen for a few mins before wordlessly walking out of the room
#ive only slept 4 hours and its a sunday so im probably just cranky and getting irrationally annoyed idk.#but i wanted to talk abt revenant gun bc im enjoying it and havent gotten to discuss it w anyone :-(#i dont wanna post on here bc i dont wanna see spoilers and i dont have anything to say that other fans would find particularly interesting#ik half the arcs of the veilguard characters despite the fact ill never play it bc i like listening to her + hearing her opinions#but damn i guess she doesnt gaf shes got better things to do. im not being fair i get we jusr socialise differently n thats fine.#and ik its not true but sometimes i feel like she doesnt like being around me very much bc shes always halfway out the door#and she doesnt suggest we watch shit together anymore n has turned me down the last few times ive suggested it#but ik shes doing shit w other ppl shes always calling n playing games n stuff w other friends so well maybe its a little true#and she acts so strange around me sometimes like she'll move to the other side of the room if i go open the fridge or whatever#like damn girl im not gonna fucking bite u. whats up with the constant 5ft distance. bc u dont ever do that with other friends just me.#and then it pisses me off when it sort of comes up as a side thing to smth else bc it ONLY ever comes up around other ppl she'll never#bring it up directly with me and she'll blame it on me as if we havent had this conversation multiple times where ive explained exactly#why im weird abt shit sometimes and where my boundaries are and what i would like and then nothing at all changes#like last time she brought it up around another friend she was like oh well we can hug more if u want like no we fucking cant bc u act#like we're magnetically repulsed u hate me being in ur space and only tolerate it when we're around other ppl which is why it makes ME#uncomfortable when she does try to be physically affectionate or whatever bc she 100% exclusively does it in front of others#like man u dont have to put on a fucking performance??? or even worse do it just bc u feel guilty abt leaving me out i hate being pitied#even if ik i very obviously do get hurt at being left out. but thats my problem man i would never fuck w someone elses boundaries#i hate hate hate when ppl have inconsistent conditional boundaries and never communicate what the fucking conditions are so theyre#constantly moving the benchposts around and acting unpredictably like how am i supposed to know where they are!!!!!! please#snd then so embarrassing to pointedly say its bc of MY behaviour in front of someone else like oh ok. u couldnt have told me this before.#in private so we could actually communicatr. sorry this has gotten so off track im feeling so gross this morning and everything is#frustrating me im so tired i feel nauseous ughhhh#okay well anyway. got my list of tasks lets just focus on this shit instead before i spend yet another sunday miserably ruminating#.vent#im not actually mad at her or anything like i said we just socialise differently we have different incompatible flavours of autism#and thats not her fault but its just so frustrating that we cant seem to communicate very well. i think im allowed to be frustrated#anyway yeah sorry im leaving it im leaving it. i should go polish my boots before i shower
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𓆝 𓆟 𓆞𓆝 𓆟 𓆞
#sorry everyone another spiral/vent incoming#mental health been so bad this week I said fuck it and found a therapist#because I cannot keep living this way it’s ruining my life#like rn I’m terrified to go to sleep bc I’ve convinced myself of a blood clot in my arm 😐 and it’s like realistically it was probably just#cramping bc I did some crafts today in a not great position like in my head I know that’s probably what it is but then there’s always that#little voice saying what if it’s not what if it is actually a clot and you go to bed and die? and what am I supposed to do with that? just#go to bed? I cant. I know unfortunately tonight will be a night where I will stay up until I physically can’t anymore so yay so fun#and it’s like a bunch of little things add up to symptoms in my mind and suddenly I cant remember if my arm has always looked that way or#always been that red etc. it’s so frustrating#why was I cursed to be so stupid and annoying? ugh#not only that I’m extremely nauseous rn ugh#I had to buck up and put my grown man pants on and finally pick a therapist can you believe it’s the#same therapist I’ve been thinking about since I first started looking at the beginning of the year 😐 what is wrong with me man idk why I put#it off for so long but hopefully now I can get the ball rolling on this and work towards being better and maybe even being on meds and#I think it’s bc I didnt wanna do virtual but for rn that would be best for me#please god don’t let it be out the ass expensive#honeslty idek if it’s bc my mental health was bad this week I just had a lot of spirals this week and the past few weeks have been stressful#and I’m just so done with it like I got so annoyed I scheduled/requested appointments I’d been putting off out of fear and now this
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I'm tired. Of all of this.
Every fucking day feels like the same, yet it gets heavier. Things get worse, nothing gets better and the few things that gave me security, happiness, where I thought I could escape and be free for some moments, are getting corrupted, forgotten, stained forever, never to be the same refuge they once were.
I'm tired of living sometimes. Of existing on this world.
I know how dying feels; it's calming, the darkness eats you and you feel without worries for the first time in your existance. You know it and that frees you.
But I don't want to die. I'm a coward. I want to continue living on this earth just because I think I can do something in the future, something that will fix everything, something that will give a purporse to everything I've done and lived through.
But we all know that is just a lie to make us feel better, don't we?
Because, at the end of all, do we really matter? What can assure us that?
I'm tired. Too tired.
I want to go somewhere else, but there is nowhere to escape. I want to say that I want to go home, go to the park, go to a forest and be happy. But this is something that will haunt me, haunt me forever and everywhere until the end.
Because you can't escape yourself.
I'm tired...
#I'm not ok right now#my mental health is declining#and everything is getting worse#even the little things that I used to escape reality are rotting#Im just tired#of every single fucking thing that happens#I just wanna curl up and not move at all#Sorry for the vent#but i need to get it out#Im not considering suicide#I don't want to be a weight even after Im gone#and again#i dont want to die#but I just#I just don't want to do this anymore#I don't know what to do#I feel pointless#I think this is just another crisis episode I'm having and I'm going to be fine in some weeks#but I just have to get this out of my chest#I pretend to be ok#to be happy to see if I can truly be happy again#trying to be normal#and ignore everything else that is wrong around me and with me#Sorry again#sorry for the vent#you don't have to worry about me#I don't wanna stress people because I'm not worth it
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i'm sad about a man again so the obvious solution is to remove them from my preferences entirely on the apps. bisexual in theory but no longer in practice. retired from bisexuality. taking a break from my studies (in bisexuality) to vacation abroad (with a broad)
#i do like them but i also dont.#like i'm capable of enjoying their company and CERTAINLY of finding them attractive#but i also have literally 0% trust or faith in any of them#because they've never been anything but shitty to me!! ever!!#even the one i thought was really sweet up until this week has turned a corner and hurt my feelings for fun#basically he didn't text me back for like two days then basically said like#''hey sorry i've been sick and it hurts to look at screens but i'll keep you updated as i feel better''#so i said ok sorry to hear it hope u feel better (despite not believing him even a little.)#and it's been four days since then and he hasn't even opened my text. and like. i'm not that stupid okay i know when im being lied to#and it just really hurts my feelings. i wish he'd just been fucking mature about it and just TOLD me he doesnt wanna talk anymore#or literally even ghosting me with no info would have been better than giving me some stupid lie and then disappearing anyway#and like. it feels worse when i let a man hurt me. because i should know better by now.#when girls hurt my feelings or ghost me or whatever it's like ok that's fine that's dating yknow??#when i feel myself getting sad over a MAN it's like humiliating#vent post
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quil is this u 😭 https://twitter.com/rrrrrrraddd/status/1741142180142481556
(clickable link)
Oh my god is that why it's gotten some notes again recently??? it broke containment again??? That one post is my legacy I'm never going to top it. if I'd known it was going to be seen by *checks link* over a million people if I'm reading that right then maybe I would've checked my grammar
anyway. goddamn.
#quil's queries#nonsie#it's the sibling post if you don't wanna click the link#i had to create a twitter account to browse the replies a little. as always. reduced people to tears 👍#immediately deleted my account right after#i always feel bad about including the line about my mom yelling because it makes her seem mean and she truly isn't#she grew up with a household with a lot of yelling so she didn't think she was yelling. because to her yelling was a lot worse#but to little me? who didn't have her skewed frame of reference? it was yelling#and as soon as she realized that she stopped because she didn't want to yell#but reading that you don't have that context. because it was a late at night vent post just for me#so i'm always like. mom if you somehow ever find that I'm so sorry
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feeling a little soggy rn i cannot lie
#i think that some of my sibs love me out of obligation and don’t really like me all that much#id like for us to be closer but i dont wanna force it#sigh sigh sigh ig it just sucks a little feeling left out#all.right#cw vent#sorry for venting on dash T-T ill be fine
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