#i really dont think they mind each others smells as much as a regular person would

[totentnz]

18 I MEANT 18

Soft OTP prompts

18. Write about how each member of your ship smells. 

essentially they smell the same since even before their souls were fused they were so much alike.

the smell of fresh and old cigarette smoke somehow mixing, sweat (also old and fresh), cheap body wash/ deodorant (think old spice), whatever smell of the previous night partying lingers on them and that mildew-y smell when you leave your clothes in the washer for too long because you couldn't be arsed to put it in the dryer.

that might sound a bit boring at first but since they are mirrors for each other they eventually realise how bad they smell. whether they care about that revelation or not is a different question entirely.

additionally v has that sweet smell on her breath from drinking too much nicola/ spunky monkey/ energy drinks though i think most of it gets covered up by the smell of menthol cigarettes. she also uses gel/mousse/ hairspray to style her hair which would make for a prominent scent. there is a slight hint of wax on her since she uses it to make her clothes repel water. punks often use floss for their stitching so if she just got done customising some clothes i think there is that mint-y smell as well.

to add to the nastiness: you can def smell if she's on her period. not by walking past her but if somehow the other smells didn't bother you enough and you get close and personal with her, there is that metallic-y blood smell.

note: she DOES try to cover up all that with deodorant but as we all know it only makes it worse somehow.

johnny on the other hand doesn't smoke menthols, he's also got that leather-y smell from his pants (is it real leather? i doubt it but it's not impossible) he probably also wears some cologne some groupie got him to impress him. though i doubt he does a lot of maintenance on his arm i think there is the smell of grease/ oil wafting off it, as well as any other liquid/ (bodily) fluid that is stuck within it's creases.

overall MY silverv is s4s (stinky 4 stinky)

[ohtobearandomftblog]

been thinking about this but how do you think rogue would confess to the person he has a crush on? i feel like he would probably get awkward and beat around the bush but also be such a soft! boy (confusing shit tbh)

oh hes absolutely gonna be awkward but to the point where he wouldnt say anything. it goes for all the slayers, really. awkward to the point of silence.

like what are they gonna say that wouldnt be creepy to a regular person??? 'the scent of your body wash clashes with your shampoo so much it made me spend most of my time with you smelling the air but i never hugged you to check' 'the little bit of sauce in the corner of your lips that one day tasted like the exact same one i like and no we didnt kiss' 'that jacket you wore once on a rainy day two months ago felt really nice and i bought one for me so we can match and be comfy together and im sad you havent worn it since no we didnt hug we didnt even talk that day' 'the way your heart beats louder and quicker when you talk about something you love and how it slows yet thrums when you talk about something you hate and how it calms yet stays strong when youre comfortable was incredibly helpful in remembering what you love and hate and no i dont remember you telling me about this specific fact because i was too busy hearing your heart soar please tell it to me again for the eighth time'

like he likes how your face shines in the moonlight bleeding past the window curtain when you sleep. he likes how your teeth crunch through apples or pears or chips/crisps or bone. he likes how soft some parts of your skin are compared to the scratchy and more calloused parts. he likes how your voice bounces around the guildhall of whatever guild youre in, and how your laughter seems to fill the space to a nearly uncomfortable degree. he likes the color of your earrings or necklace or bracelets or rings or bags or eyes or hair or nails. he never looks for these near you, for he probably wont be able to see or feel or hear or smell or taste anything of you. but the shadows speak of wonders he can only truly imagine, and he loves it.

they would never tell a mage/non-mage about the crush because theyd look all confused and weirded out because you dont just taste sauce on the corner of someones lips without kissing them what the fuck are you on about??? only once they have an s/o that doesnt mind their more nonhuman ways of liking someone will they talk to about it. they will of course tell each other and gush and praise and be embarrassing and a bit annoying and since theyre all fucking dorks they would Absolutely tell someone's crush about the crush. in front of the slayer.

like assuming rogue's crush was a sabertooth member or from a guild nearby then after like three months of dealing with rogue's shenanigans hed drag him to his crush, sit them both down, crouch in front of the crush, say rogue liked them as way more than a friend have you seen the fuckign hatchling eyes he makes at you every single time you look in his direction or even turn away like his eyes Suck and yet he knows where you are at all times thats some fuckin dedication, then just walk away so he can still hear whats being said which yknow isnt that far and rogue's so embarrassed bc not only was he just Outed but sting doesnt even have the decency to leave entirely they can still clearly see him you PRICK

if his crush was on a fairy tail member or a guild close by then wendy would try to keep everyone in check so they wouldnt completely out him to anyone related to his crush but. the boys can be smart sometimes. so laxus natsu and gajeel would leave """"subtle"""" hints to the crush ('oh you want to go shopping? i heard rogue knows a good store for that why dont you go ask him im not good with that kinda thing' 'oh you want some food? rogue knows a good place im not good with food' 'hey have you spoken to rogue recently he misses talkin to you keeps harpin on about how your voice soothes him better than rain'). until laxus or erik get sick of his shit, sit him and the crush down, and walk away until rogue can only know theyre there without seeing them but knows for a fact theyre glaring at him waiting for him to stumble through a confession or risk Big Brother Confrontation

if rogue was made to confess like that hed really be stumbling. hed slip somewhat into the shadows, realize nearly immediately because hes so focused on anything other than you in the moment, then try and yank himself out of them because hes so embarrassed and scared hed tried to fuse fully with them. hed think hed need evidence and reasons why he liked you and would say things that a normal person would like and slowly spill into the more slayer reasons without realizing it because gosh he cant help but praise your very being for simply existing. hed spend hours going on about you if he could but then he becomes hyperaware again because his shadows had started to creep up you physically and oh no hes just embarrassing himself again he doesnt even know if you like him and hes already ruining his chance and he spent all this time talking and didnt even let you get a word in maybe youre creeped out maybe youre angry maybe youre scared because how does he know all of this was he stalking you and no he swears he would never the shadows speak to him and he cannot be deaf to them for they are one but he himself would never and oh. oh. you were smiling. your mouth was full of shadows and the shadows are telling him youre smiling even though his eyes are full of tears. his shadow would linger on your body and seep through your clothes onto your skin and he would try not to be distracted by how it tells him about all the textures and dips and any curves it could have because now is not the time and he doesnt even know if your smile is pity or relief or something else, even.

if his crush reciprocates, then great! you get six slayers who will follow your every move and make sure you dont make rogue feel bad without reason and they Will glare daggers at you when nearby so rogue cant tell. if his crush denies,,,, well then you have six slayers ready to kick your fucking ass because hes so precious what the fuck do you mean??? give a good damn reason or save them from carrying you and just go to the infirmary yourself

[kiriluvbot]

NO ONE ASKED BUT IM HERE TO SUPPLY ANYWAY!

sero hanta headcanons for the soul

- asexual, pan-romantic!

- uses they/he pronouns (didn’t know they could have different pronouns until he met tokoyami, and they spent their entire first year having a crisis over it)

- i know it’s old and overused but this kid is a hufflepuff, through and through

- CHILD OF APHRODITE. i take no criticism.

- a heartthrob among his entire grade, not just class A, but B as well, and the general course, and the business course,, AND the support course. everyone loves sero hanta.

- a natural charmer but is literally not aware that they make everyone within a 400 meter radius of them swoon

- until kaminari tells him in their second year. homie. youre fucking hot. and mina says, use it to your advantage. SO HE DOES.

- third year sero hanta is a force to be reckoned with, let me tell you. using their charm along with their natural ability to just. Befriend anyone (including a brick WALL tbh) to get his way. they get their way, they Know Everything. everyone knows his name by the time he graduates.

- The Older Sibling friend. not quite the mom friend or even the dad friend, but the older sibling. he’s a constant source of comfort and dependability among his class, but theyre also an agent of chaos that likes to cause problems On Purpose just to see what’ll happen. they never get caught being the instigator tho. no one can ever catch him.

- likes to watch aforementioned chaos from the sidelines. a mediator and an excellent negotiator. keeps his friends (cough, bakugo) from murdering each other or other people (cough, monoma)

- i like to think he’s the eldest child with two or three younger sisters and maybe a baby brother. their parents divorced right before sero started high school, and he and his siblings live with their mom. she’s a real lovely lady.

- since he’s the eldest, he kinda knows how to take care of people. sick people, sad people, hungry people. they can read and understand people really well if they really matter to him.

- most of the time there’s just wii music in their head tho

- they weren’t super great at prioritizing themselves/taking care of themselves when he first moved in to the dorms, but with time and help from his friends, they keep getting better at it

- sero gets his looks from his dad and his attitude from his mother. again, i imagine she’s a real lovely lady.

- their love language is physical touch! with so many younger siblings and his natural Eldest Sibling Vibe, it’s only natural for him to be super cuddly and affectionate!

- while it may not be their love language, sero also probably really likes spending quality time with his friends. they like going out, they like being loud and having a blast, but the kid also wouldn’t mind sitting in his room with his friends in silence while everyone did their own individual thing.

- the kind of person that sleeps with one pillow only and one blanket only

- probably runs warm, kicks off the blanket in the summer time. either sleeps on his back stretched out like a starfish or curled into themselves like a baby. no in between.

- has a pair of underwear they call their “lucky underwear” and it’s just a pair with spider-man’s face as the pattern.

- the kid does not have regular chairs in his dorm. it’s bean bags or the floor, man.

- they also have a hammock . i’ve seen this repeating trope in every single fic i’ve ever read

- keeps a stash of snacks in his room! but it’s a trade system. kaminari gets m&ms for cheek kisses, kirishima gets beef jerky for his most rib crushing hug, and todoroki gets gummy worms if he shares his manga.

- has led lights that are connected to his speaker and changes color every time a song changes

- has only three playlists. only three.

- they’re titled, respectively: “u yearning bastard,,” “monch monch”, “for pissing bkg off”

- he still listens to the jonas brothers, lots of big time rush, but also fleetwood mac and abba. frank ocean, lorde,,,, but also. they know every word to both mama mia soundtracks.

- absolutely adores horror + romance movies and not much else

- he tries getting into star wars for kirishima’s sake but he literally cannot keep up with the plot for shit.

- can quote the entirety of the notebook with mina (it infuriates bakugo to no end when those two ask to watch it for the fifth time in a week)

- has never tried an energy drink in their life, absolutely refuses to because caffeine makes him Shake and he hates the feeling

- drinks a lot of tea tho! with momo and todoroki!

- favorite snack is oranges. this kid always has oranges.

- aside from satou and bakugo, sero is probably one of the best cooks in their class

- resident pretty boy. did i mention everyone loves them? seriously. he even has the ever so stoic shouto todoroki pining after him.

- had a huge growth spurt the summer after second year began. it pissed off all their friends because he finally passed 6’ while the others were still stuck at 5’9 or below.

- by graduation, sero reached 6’3, and bakugo was still mad, because bakugo never passed 5’10.

- really grew into himself by the end of high school, finally learning how they wanted to express themselves with his clothing style, hair and *clenches fist* piercings

- started painting his nails the summer before their third year and hasnt stopped

- glorious, curly mullet. bejeweled hair pins. jean jackets and platform docs. piercings all the way up his ears. a nose ring and a smiley. (if you don’t know what a smiley is, i beg you to search it up. it’s the cutest fucking thing i’ve ever seen in my life and i want one so bad)

- ochaco is the one who cuts sero’s hair in third year.

- he got most of his piercings alongside bakugo or kaminari, but when they went to get the nose ring, they’d gone with iida and midoriya. and when he got the smiley, he went with todoroki, who squeezed his hand when the needle went through, even if todoroki wasn’t the one getting pierced.

- one time he and denki shaved their legs and arms and Everything to see if it would make them “more aerodynamic” ( “haha dont u mean /sero/dynamic?” “shut up”)

- strangely flexible. everywhere. it makes shouji shiver and jirou gag. it makes todoroki stare with wide, disbelieving eyes.

- really bad handwriting. like. what the fuck.

- that doesn’t stop them from writing cards for each of his friends for their birthdays, for christmas. it doesn’t stop them from writing letters to todoroki (even if he ended up shredding them and throwing them away after they were finished so no one would ever find them. he wanted to ask bakugo to incinerate them, just to be safe, but they didn’t want bakugo, or anyone else, that he had written love letters to shouto todoroki.)

(....not until after they confessed and finally started dating in their third year.)

- finger guns. unironically.

- is a surprisingly good dancer and a passable singer!!!!!!!!

- sings in the shower. also dances in the shower, but one time they fell and hit the wall connecting his and todoroki’s room, and todoroki thought he might’ve died. came to his door and didn’t bother knocking to check and see if they were alright. sero didn’t dance in the shower for a long time after that.

- his favorite color is yellow, but they also really, really like red.

- doesn’t have a fucking phone case on their phone.

- earbuds falling apart but he just keeps putting more tape over them because they really don’t wanna buy new ones (kirishima bought him a pair for christmas because he didn’t want sero to get electrocuted from broken earbuds. sero ensured him he would likely not get electrocuted just from some earbuds, but took the gift anyway)

- smell checks their clothes like a HEATHEN

- is in love with shouto todoroki.

that’s all :) sero hanta is my number one best boy and i love them dearly.

[randomsevans]

Positions

Ransom Drysdale x Reader

A/n I dont make smutts but I know that this would be amazing that way . But I'm sorry I dont do them but i hope some REALLY FLUFFY ransom will do for now

Remeber you can send in a song request with a character

Requested @cheeseburgersstuff

Heaven sent you to me

I'm just hopin’ I don't repeat history

You had have your heart broken way too many times for you to remember. All by the same fuck boy types . You had promised yourself that you would mature up and not meet and fall for any other fuck boy . Just at that time you made that promise you had no idea that the biggest rickest trust fund fuck boy was about to woo his way into your life. And make you fall harder and fast then anyone else .

Boy, I'm tryna meet your mama on a Sunday

Then make a lotta love on a Monday (Ah, ah)

Never need no (No), no one else, babe

’Cause I'll be

The sun blazer threw the curtains as you stared at the ceiling. Remeber the events of last night . It had been a nice Sunday evening that you , Ransom and his grandfather was spending together. You had tried to make it a regular thing so Ransom could began to build a relationship with his family . He didnt want to do . Hi REALLY DIDNT WANT TO .but he would do it for you . So you thought you start with the person he hates the last and already has a decent relationship with . Harlan . It was about the 4 vist you think. And you were all laughing away at Harlan telling a story about baby Ransom on how he would run around the halls but naked (no change there ) and how his mother would just send the maid after him.

You hadn't meet the famous Mrs Linda Drysdale and your not sure if you want to . Sure shes your boyfriend mother and you still havnt meet her yet after a year . But by the stories she was no good women . Which seemed strange as Harland seemed as nice as anyone and although Ransom isn't perfect. God knows that. He has a good heart .

The laughing was cut short and there was a slam at the front door and a "Father !"

Ransoms eyes nearly pop out of his skull as his shoulder tensed up. While Harlan only took a deep breath before saying "in here " you heart stopped there and then . Oh no

"Arrr there you are.. Hugh what are you doing her e ?" A tall women with short hair and black formed glasses come stomping in the room .

Ransom pulled a face at the name but then quickly responded with "what does it look like I'm spending time with my grandfather "

Linda only chuckled and made her way over the three chair we were in "what you ran out of your monthly allowance already ?" She laughed at her self . Unknownign to that yes Harlan in a way was giving Ransom money now but instead of allowance he was now working in blood like wine .

Linda come and stood right in front of me her smug smile wiped of with a nasty look "theres no need for you here get back to work while a speak to my son and father "

You were in shook did ... did she think you were the help . You didnt know what do other then to stand up as you did a hand caught your wrist .

"I dont think so baby sit back down " Ransom said softly his eyes looking up at you untill he turned to his mother.

"And you never speak to HER that way again "

Switchin' them positions for you

Cookin' in the kitchen and I'm in the bedroom

I'm in the Olympics, way I'm jumpin' through hoops

Know my love infinite, nothin’ I wouldn’t do

That I won't do, switchin’ for you

You felt bad after then with Ransom taking you home you told him after breaking down that if he didnt wont you know more he could let you go . Ransom broke at your words . And told you time and time again how much you mean to him . He showed you to

You went to turn over after beening lost in your morning thoughts it wasnt till now you realised that the sheets next to you were empty. With a fuzzy mind and bed hair you quickly put on a rob and checked the bathroom . No he wasnt in there . Maybe his office no . You decided to go downstairs and as soon as you stepped foot onto the steps you smelt it. The sweet smell of pancakes .

As you reach the final steps and rounded to the kitchen you were quickly lifted of your feet and put onto the cold counter.

"There she is .." Ransom said softly moving your hair out of your face "hows my princess this fine Moring ?" He asked with a wink untill his face dropped in panic "sore ? Did I.."

"No no I'm fine ..." you quickly said placing a hand on his chest to slow his heat beat he admitted once his actually calmes him down . "I'm just hungry " you giggled .

"Oh well good . See I thought the smell of pancakes would get you out of bed ?"

"Did you actually cook these ?" You asked

"Of couse " Ransom answerd rather quickly

"Like in the kitchen with floor and eggs ..."

"Yes in the kitchen..... and well with a packet but I had to add water so ..." he had a pout as he was waiting approval

"Looks like your switch positions Ransom " you giggled

Perfect, perfect

You're too good to be true (You're too good to be true)

But I get tired of runnin', fuck it

Now, I’m runnin' with you (With you)

As you both sat silent eating away stealing glance at each other once in while like two teenagers with a massive crush. Ransom realised that for the first time ever in his life he was in love and there isn't nothing he wouldnt do.you for . Posistions and all . Your perfect for him and his perfect for you . His fuck boy days were well over the minute he met you he should of know he was a gonna then. But as he sat there looking at you bed and your morning glow Ransom made a promise he would have a perfect morning like this as often as he could with you till his dying days

Switchin' them positions for you

Cookin' in the kitchen and I'm in the bedroom

I'm in the Olympics, way I'm jumpin' through hoops (Jumpin', jumpin')

Know my love infinite, nothin' I wouldn't do

That I won't do, switchin' for you (Ooh woah)

Cookin' in the kitchen and I'm in the bedroom

I'm in the Olympics, way I'm jumpin' through hoops

Know my love infinite, nothin' I wouldn't do (I wouldn't do)

That I won't do, switchin' for you

[floralcalaveraa]

MEET THE MUSE

Rules: Answer in-character. Repost, don’t reblog.

► NAME ➭ He waves around proudly at the imaginary crowd his mind conjured, assuming a performance that one would put up when live on camera for an interview. Typical Guzma, thinking that he is all that, but he is not. “Hey y’all~” He says with a chipper, sing-song voice to continue convincing ... the dashboard? “Clean the wax outta yur ears; I’m only gonna say this once and I expect chu to say the WHOLE fucking thing when you call me. It’s Guzma Kehlani Kaliko- I’m joking.” The emotion in his performance stops abruptly at the end and he acts like normal again. But then again ... when was he ever normal? His voice is modest now. “Just keep it up to Guzma.”

► ARE YOU SINGLE? ➭ Guzma doesn’t hold back on widening his eyes upon registering the question and emphasizes the reality of his words when he curls a curl on his finger and bats his eyes, pretending a coy nature. “Yeah~ So if anyone out there single too and you want a good sex, come on down; my number is-” And then a convenient beep censors the sound of his voice because Guzma is doing too much.

► ARE YOU HAPPY? ➭ “Hmm, I’m aight right now. Is not like ... I’m going through anythin ...” He asks himself, looking at the sky for an answer. “Or am I?”

► ARE YOU ANGRY?  ➭ “Who isn’t? I know I am. Like, when’s a rich white guy gonna give me all his money ya know? Those fucking billionaires don’t know how to spend it, like, give me your money I’ll show you.”

► ARE YOUR PARENTS STILL MARRIED? ➭ All that talk from earlier? That magic disappears. Guzma falls silent for a moment, but tries to salvage his enthusiasm from earlier. “Weeeeeeeeeeeell ... they never married to begin with? Yeah, very telling of their relationship, ya know?” ‘I don’t want them to ever marry. That is not love, I wouldn’t attend to it should it ever happen.’

NINE FACTS!

► ‘BIRTH’ PLACE ➭ “In. This. Stupid. Region. Called. ALOLA!” Each word came with a jumping stomp to the ground, like if this tantrum would make the region he chanted out loud crumble in his stomps.

► HAIR COLOR ➭ He grabs a strand of his hair, stretches it out, and watches it recoil back to its original curly condition, feeling a bit shy to divulge. “It’s ... it was my daddy’s hair color. I didn’t like that. So I colored it to look like my mami’s ...”

► EYE COLOR ➭ “A stupid fucking grey. Can you believe that? Not even the universe wants me to own anythin’ gold like damn give me a fucking break.”

► BIRTHDAY ➭ “...” He remains silent, connecting the dots about this scheming universe. “Y’know, this life really doesn’t want me to be first in anything; July 2nd.”

► MOOD ➭ “Now that I made that realization, I’m feelin’ pissed.” Guzma says with a relative ‘ :-) ’ expression and relaxed voice.

► GENDER ➭ “A guy, wish I was a God though or somethin ...” A hand grabs his chin lightly, but pensively. “Or a bug ...”

► SUMMER OR WINTER ➭ “OOOh summer’s are sexy! Ya feel me?”

► MORNING OR AFTERNOON ➭ “I know I’m gonna sound like a cheesy old white lady but like, watching the sunset be kinda romantic tho-”

ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE!

► ARE YOU IN LOVE? ➭ “I either hate or love the people in my life. Never in between-”

► DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT? ➭ “Oh that’s fucking cute, yeah. It only exists to the right people though, not bitches like me.”

► WHO ENDED YOUR LAST RELATIONSHIP? ➭ Who ended his confidence? This question. It’s going to make him mention Her name. Her. And that scares him. Madam Prez. He sinks into his chair in shame. “I ... I’m the one that messes up.”

► HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN SOMEONE’S HEART? ➭ “Yeah, I’m a real heartbreaker~” But his pride ends when he is left at the thought of the  loneliness that comes after break-ups.

► ARE YOU AFRAID OF COMMITMENTS? ➭ “... Yeah.” It is brief, in fear that entertaining it more would make him reveal the reasons why. After all, he wouldn’t want to bad-mouth Lusamine, no matter how vile she was to traumatize love for him.

► HAVE YOU HUGGED SOMEONE WITHIN THE LAST WEEK? ➭ “No because then they’ll smell my b.o ya know?”

► HAVE YOU EVER HAD A SECRET ADMIRER? ➭ “Not that I know of ... I don’t know-”

► HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN YOUR OWN HEART? ➭ “I guess ... I know that there were times I have to bite my tongue to stop myself from saying ‘I love you’ to someone ...”

CHOICES!

► LOVE OR LUST ➭ “Lust hell yeah 😎” Love.

► LEMONADE OR ICED TEA ➭ “I don’t give a fuck I just crave a refreshing drink right now; all this talking and answerin’ invasive, personal, intimate, scar-opening questions to a complete stranger has my throat all dried up like yo sex life.” Giving drawn out answers does nothing to help.

► A FEW BEST FRIENDS OR MANY REGULAR FRIENDS ➭ “I have my stinky siblings at Po Town. Sure they can be annoyin’ as fuck eatin’ my food, wasting water, stanking up the bathroom, wasting money, leaving the house messy, and all that, but I wouldn’t want them any other way.”

► WILD NIGHT OUT OR ROMANTIC NIGHT IN ➭ “Aw c’mon! Both are sexy! ... Aight, the one that will end with me gettin’ laid- ...” He sighs. “Aight, the one that would get me to know my companion better.”

► DAY OR NIGHT ➭ “I like to feel dramatic in the night. Like, ‘staring out from the window, musing about yo regrets and desires while seeing nobody but chu outside thinking about yo life’ kind of dramatic.”

HAVE YOU EVERS!

► BEEN CAUGHT SNEAKING OUT ➭ “Apparently not cuz my parent’s ain’t find me yet haha!”

► FALLEN DOWN/UP THE STAIRS ➭ “’Falling up the stairs’ sounds like some Loony Toons shit if I’m honest- Just imagine, you falling down the stairs, but then rewind it to make it look like you fell upward. Lol.”

► WANTED SOMETHING/SOMEONE SO BADLY IT HURT? ➭ A hand grabs at his chest, at his heart, as he yells at the top of his lungs, “GIVE ME YOUR FUCKING MONEY!!” Stability. Love. Healing. Those he had to let go in fear of having them punished by Lusamine. Honor. Respect. Freedom. And in truth, money, to support his family.

PREFERENCES!

► SMILE OR EYES ➭ “Oh I love both; a smile in someone that doesn’t do it often though. And eyes, those that are gold, blue, or green are pretty ...”

► SHORTER OR TALLER ➭ “Ain’t nobody gonna beat me and my 6′9″ ass. ‘Sides, I love my shorties anyways.”

► INTELLIGENCE OR ATTRACTION ➭ “Attraction. Not askin’ anyone to be smart in order for me to like chu-”

► HOOK-UP OR RELATIONSHIP ➭ “I only get casual hook-ups, night-stands ... C’mon, just look at me-”

FAMILY!

► DO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY GET ALONG ➭ “Talkin’ bout the one in Po Town? Yup.” He nods proudly, not acknowledging his biological one.

► WOULD YOU SAY YOU HAVE A “MESSED UP LIFE” ➭ “Baby, I got a fucked up life-”

► HAVE YOU EVER RAN AWAY FROM HOME ➭ “Yeah. Best decision I ever made or else I wouldn’t find the real family I have now.”

► HAVE YOU EVER GOTTEN KICKED OUT ➭ “I kicked my own ass out before my daddy did.”

FRIENDS!

► DO YOU SECRETLY HATE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS ➭ “Ooh that Plumeria, I can’t stand her! Her big butt be hogging up the whole sofa when we watchin’ t.v! Do you understand how irritatin’ that is?!” Seconds after this ‘wrath’, he bursts into laughter.

► DO YOU CONSIDER ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS GOOD FRIENDS ➭ “No because they are talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before, sexy friends.”

► WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND ➭ “Oh come on don’t make me pick n choose- Plumeria and Gemali (his Golisopod) has been my longest, how about that?”

► WHO KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU ➭ “Oooo it’s just me, myself, and I baby- Ain’t nobody gonna understand my twisted mind better than I.” Can be deciphered by Plumeria or Lusamine.

tagged by: @obliviouskind​ wrow cryus, having a spot for love .. u know cyrus if u say josefina’s name 3 times she will appear easy as that

tagging: @maxskulline​ , @akuromatico​ , @kyohansha​ (me🤝erik: making you do this twice. BUT OKAY SRSLY U DONT HAVE TO ONLY IF U WANT-) , @unovasgambler​ , @theprxfessorpair​ (hemlock!) , @draconscious​ , @littlesilverplatinum​​  (me🤝myself, hand-gripping my other hand: making you Erik do this twice.)

[moonlightchn]

𝖂𝖊𝖗𝖊𝖜𝖔𝖑𝖛𝖊𝖘, 𝖜𝖔𝖑𝖛𝖊𝖘

and basic shit you should know before interacting I guess~

*Disclaimer: all the information this post contains will be based on things I’ve learned over the years and my personal modifications are NOT to be taken as the general rule. This is MY abo concept for this bot in particular. Yall are free to agree, disagree, take ideas, adapt to your own bot, etcetcetc. Bye. Also sorry this doesn't have a read more;;;; I tried :(

Hello, this is (not) JYPe,

and welcome to the first episode of “Admin’s abo concept isn’t probably what you think so we gonna go in dept on this shit hehe ”. This was originally going to be a one part documentary but I realized I would probably keep coming up with or remembering stuff and these would be so LOOONG so I decided to just do it as I go and I’ll use the hashtag “admins abo tmi ” for this yeah. But also remember you can ask questions if you have any or if you don’t understand something because I usually ramble a lot.

Today we’ll be talking about 3 things that seem to be the most important since they’re the most brought up on my RP’s and they are:

Turning/Transforming.

Heat vs Rut.

Mates.

So let’s begin!

🌙 𝕿𝖚𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌/𝕿𝖗𝖆𝖓𝖘𝖋𝖔𝖗𝖒𝖎𝖓𝖌…

There’s two meanings to this concept, one is the concept of turning from human form to wolf form, and the other one is being transformed into a wolf by different means (these usually depends on which story you’ve heard, it can be being the 7th boy child in a family, it can be a bite or a scratch, it can be eating raw meat, etcetcetc).

*This change has now also been added to the Chan’s pack introduction.

What are the definitions of this words? Cambridge Dictionary defines them as:

Turn: to (cause to) become, change into, or come to be something.

Example: “Chan turned into his wolf form”

Explanation: Chan, already a werewolf, turned and changed into his wolf form.

Transform: to change completely the appearance or character of something or someone, especially so that that thing or person is improved.

Example: “Changbin was transformed into a werewolf.”

Explanation: Changbin, a regular human, was transformed /by a wolf/ into a werewolf.

𝕿𝖚𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌…

In the classic folklore, turning consists of 2 phases, human with NO wolf characteristics whatsoever, (which is what makes it so hard finding out who the werewolf in town is) and fluffy wolf with some human like characteristics (being biped, having arms instead of four legs, body structure humanlike. The best examples I can think of are the underworld lycans mmm tasteful). Another general rule for classic werewolves was that the person and wolf were two different minds, the person never remembered turning and had no idea they were the werewolf terrorizing town. While being human, the person didn’t even have the wolf skills like hearing or strength. They were just regular boring humans. Another thing was that they had no control whatsoever and ONLY turned during full moon, but I’m not getting into that yet.

Here are some examples (it’s basically furries oop).

Moving on to my concept, I decided to have 3 phases of turning, consisting on:

Human: Basic, simple, boring human. No presence of wolf features whatsoever. YET they can still make use of their skills such as sensitive hearing, smell, extra strength among others.

Half-turn: Heavily inspired by Teen Wolf tbh, SOME features are present and can generally be controlled, such as eyes, ears, tail, fangs, claws. Can even be confused for hybrids. (sumn like this please appreciate my art)

Full-turn: they become big scary fluffy puppies. Let’s remember how they look like.

Channie Chan Chris

𝕿𝖗𝖆𝖓𝖘𝖋𝖔𝖗𝖒𝖎𝖓𝖌…

As mentioned before, transforming depends on which story you know and what you’re settling for. Generally we always talk about bites and deep scratches. Some of the most known stories about how to become a werewolf are being the 7th boy child born in a family on a full moon, or in Greek mythology, Zeus transformed some dudes into wolves after they tried to feed him human meat. There’s many different stories you can pick from, they’re just one Google away~

On my concept, though, the only way to transform is through a bite, even though I always keep options open.

I will probably be talking about the 3 types of wolves and deepening this a bit more later on.

🌙 𝕳𝖊𝖆𝖙 𝖛𝖘 𝕽𝖚𝖙.

Imma give you a wolf biology class because I know too much useless info and I WANT TO.

Rut: The rut is the mating season of certain mammals. The rut is characterized in males by an increase in testosterone, exaggerated sexual dimorphisms and increased aggression and interest in females.

Heat: The estrous cycle or oestrous cycle is the set of recurring physiological changes that are induced by reproductive hormones in most mammalian therian females. Estrous cycles start after sexual maturity in females and are interrupted by anestrous phases or by pregnancies. This cycle presents four phases, the one known as “heat” being the second one, estrus or oestrus, that refers to the phase when the female is sexually receptive.

What are seasonal breeders and what is mating season?

The breeding season is when seasonal breeders reproduce. Seasonal breeders are animal species that successfully mate only during certain times of the year. These times of year allow for the optimization of survival of young due to factors such as ambient temperature, food and water availability etcetc. Male seasonal breeders may exhibit changes in testosterone levels, weight, and fertility depending on the time of year. Female seasonal breeders will have one or more estrus cycles only when she is “in season” or fertile and receptive to mating.

Wolves fall in all of these descriptions.

What does all of this shit mean and why do I care lmao?

This means that if this was a logical bot I should only be doing NSFW like one week during 4 months a year LMAO no frfr

This basically means that RUT and HEAT are the seasons when the MALE and FEMALE respectively are ready to mate with each other to reproduce.

I’ve seen many male idol hybrids having heats instead of ruts, which I have no problem at all with and am sure no one else does really, but I think you should KNOW that a heat would not make them want to fuck, but get fucked. Heat would be the need to be filled and not fill others. A heat and a rut does NOT have to equal dominance or submissiveness in bots, anyway, that would be like saying being top or bottom determines who is dom/sub and that’s wrong, so just a PSA I guess.

Now, how does this affect my CB and ABO concept?

I’ve never, anyway, read anywhere of classic werewolves reproduction, which leads me to believe that they’re probably sterile. So I will stick to real life wolves rules but on my own way. Wolves are even monogamous and I dont go by that one lmao.

Reproduction rules on my ABO are really simple, ruts are once a month, around 5 days, and each of the guys have different characteristics for them. They’re only capable of getting someone pregnant during ruts, too. I just generally believe all girls are on the pill tbh and I never really use condoms but guys irl please practice safe sex wrap your or your partners willy before going freaky and stay safe.

Not sure if there’s something else to mention here? Let me know.

🌙 𝕸𝖆𝖙𝖊𝖘…

Mates are the wolf equivalent of soulmates, but that’s bullshit. I mean, I’m not gonna say they’re not real, I just mean that the general idea of only one person for the rest of your life and if it’s not them you’re miserable is dumb when we’re talking about beings with feelings. Did you know wolves irl are monogamous and mate but if their mate dies they just look for another one and move on? Now you know.

The thing with mates and marks, in my humble opinion, is that they don’t mean anything. Peoples hearts change, feelings come and go, and my wolves are NOT about to drop everything they have for some person they don’t know who happened to be their true mate. In fact, Channie is the only one who believes in them. The mates issue is a bit complex if we think about it over each of the Chan’s, but on a general idea, the mates are not exclusive for the guys, and I’ll probably make a tmi on the boys at some point, but Chan met his mate and it didn’t work out, for example. Mates go further than the marking, btw, mates are a special, cosmic bond. Marks are just that, marks.

And talking about that, we do not vibe with marks. The original folklore states marks as the way a wolf has to claim their partner as theirs and keep away others, especially from an alpha, and they’re supposed to go both ways, so marks between human/wolf, for example wouldn’t be possible. There’s also two marks.

The first bonding mark is generally given during sex between mates and heals, and the second one in front of the pack (there’s a whole social status thing involved here but were not touching that yet) and its permanent. Also marks are literal WOLF BITES so no, they’re neither small nor cute. Just look at these teethies and picture the scar in a neck-shoulder. That’s your bonding mark.

(they're cute tho I uwuuu)

What I’ve been reading around in fanfics and seeing around is that bots have been mated and claimed with marks, which is ok if you’re into that. My chan’s, though, find physical marks archaic, possessive and toxic. And honestly I personally do too.

You may have noticed by now that even though the boys are quite possessive, they’re never trying to scare away others and their sole way of marking is love marks that heal eventually and scenting. Permanent marks are a nono.

They will NOT mark anyone as their mate. Especially Channie plz he’s baby.

This is a personal decision and it does not mean that marking is RIGHT or WRONG. I just personally see marking bites as marking your partner with fire or something and I dislike the idea a lot.

ALRIGHT I THINK THAT’S ABOUT IT FOR TODAY I FEEL LIKE I WROTE TOO MUCH ALREADY??? Feel free to ask questions or request certain topics! I think next topics will be Social Structure, Skills and maybe Self control or Moon Cycles.

If you read all of this WOW CONGRATS??? I LOVE YOU EXTRA MUAH

One question I got on the asks was “since their fur color seems to correspond with their hair color, what happens if they dye their hair?”

Nothing happens babe! When they’re half turned they will have really funny colorful hair, but when they fully turn their fur stays the same! hehe Don’t worry, Chan won’t be a clown red wolf heh

OK BYE MUAH MUAH

Tags (hmu for removal:] if you don’t care about this hehe)

@yandereminholee @bunjihyo @shinhaneul-oc @sub-chungha @song-mingi-cb @grungeyuta @yourhwaa @bunny-woong @princess-yeji @xash-axx @7deadlysins-chan @camgirl-jihyeon @hybrid-wooyoung @vampirehhj @ghoulxbaekhyun @mafiaxnct127 @deadly-skz-gods-cb @mafia-chaeyoung @vampiresanha @sub-minho @starsirah-oc @femboy-minho @subbyhyunjinchatbot @weeb-wonwoo @yandere-wendy @musiclovermino @galaxy-ateez @chanlix-koalas @vampirechangbinnie @mafiafelixlee @madmanwoodam @sweetandsleepyjamie @yanderedahyun @hunter-chaeyoung @hwangyeji-cb @artsydahyun @gamer-yeji @yourminju @seulgi-foxy @kittensua-cb @softbabieinnie @softboyfriend-cb @iceskater-sana @irregularchatbot @yandere-miya @doll-seungmin @skz-cb @subbylino @babie-sanie

[sweet-molasses]

Ok am I the only one who thinks everyone in islands lacked self awareness??? Like, they were in a new environment. New people. New everything, and they just got used to it like it was nothing. The humans in those pods? Oh yeah let's ignore the fact that we were in a virtual reality for who knows how long and a magic dog and foreign person cut out its power. Just focus on getting back there, no questions asked.

And then Susan's gonna pull up talking normally after she remembers everything and no one brings up the fact that her speech impediment was gone, or ask her any questions. Was she also not worried about how she was dressed? Or how she smelled? Cuz finn and Jake put a lot of emphasis on that lol. Don't even get me started with her reunion with frieda... your best friend straight up goes missing for like 16 years and looks completely different, but you don't question that either. Tbh, I felt her reaction was a little dry. Like, what happened between the two was very intense, especially on friedas end. How she could simply just brush it off did not feel very genuine to me. Under regular circumstances, it would be more understandable. I don't get the emotional impact I feel I should when I watch it, and I know they could have done better... at least with friedas dialogue. Then again, im the kind of person to want full blown real life conversations between characters so it can feel real to me. Which of course can't happen, you can't have 30 minutes of script in anything lol. It can be accomplished when everything is said and placed perfectly... but blah im rambling

Now, Minerva. I understand she wasn't really Minerva Minerva, but she didn't seem very aware of what was in front of her. When she had her Minerva bots bring finn to her, she completely ignored his missing arm. No questions about that? Not gonna ask what happened to finn? I did not feel any emotional impact between the two either. Everyone is reuniting like they moved to a different state for two years not contacting each other when it was no where near that.. sigh I ask too many questions that are never answered and probably will never be. I wish AT was like 20 minutes long per episode or something

Many things in adventure time feel rushed to me. However, that is only because I like to know EVERYTHING. They will officially be going on about something, but I'll listen and look back to feel like something was missing. They definitely only focus on the parts that may be deemed most important for the story and so they can move on, since they don't have much time with each episode. For islands it jsn't really what they didn't put into it, but how they did put whatever they did into it. Many things felt unnecessary, or distracting, or completely wasteful for something that actually would have been more interesting and relevant. I am NOT the best person when analyzing things at all, and I kind of have a hard time putting it out there. Everything I said could probably seem narrow minded? Or something I dont know. Like maybe I'm not looking into it enough, but its just how I see it. I would get more into it but I dunno if anyone will even see this lol. This is just kind of my little rant, but if I were to legitimately be some kind of flaming ball of adventure time critical analysis, I would watch every episode throughly and try to see what I never did before and rethink what I thought. So for now, I will give my amateur thoughts on what I have seen and can currently remember. Gah, there is so much to this show for me to learn, and to fill in the gaps that were never elaborated with my imagination lol

If someone is trying to come in my messages or something, please do. Let's talk adventure time

[thesameasbe4]

Red Boots

Part 1

Part 2

The frigid air ripped into her bare legs as the bike tore down the road with relentless speed. Sav squeezed her eyes shut and continued to cling tightly to the figure sat in front of her. At first she thought she could hear the roar of other bikes behind them, but she soon became overwhelmed with the sensations bombarding her and lost track of the pursuers behind them. The man in front of her maneuvered the bike well, winding in and out of alleys and side streets. Finally after what felt like hours he slowed to a halt, the bike idling in an alley that Sav was unfamiliar with.

She dismounted and pulled her helmet off, handing it back to the man. “Thanks,” she said cautiously, unsure if she was any safer with him than with those other men, her eyes continuing to search his clothing for an indication of affiliation with a motorcycle club, but she couldn’t find anything in the damp darkness of the night.

“Do you know where we are?” The man asked. Sav shook her head. He cut the engine and dismounted as well, moving to stand next to her. Gently he guided her to the entrance of alley and pointed to a building a few blocks down. Sav swallowed hard. A handful of men from the gang at the bar were loitering in front of what she now recognized as her apartment building. She stepped back further into the shadows, her body trembling more from fear than the cold. What had she stepped into? What did they want with her? How did they know where she lived? And where was she supposed to go?

…

It was clear to Bucky that she didn’t have a plan and had no idea what to do next. Hell, he didn’t really know what to do either. It had been a long time since he had spent time with anyone who wasn’t capable of caring for themselves in crises like this. He realized he didn’t really know how to act around her. He had a strong urge to touch her, hold her hand, give her a hug, something like that. But he wasn’t sure she would want that, and what if she felt his arm? Surely she would be turned off by that. It was most important now to get her to a place she felt safe for the night.

“Hem hem,” Bucky cleared his throat softly, causing her to turn her face up to his. “So, do you have a friend you can stay with for a little while?” He asked. She shook her head.

“Not this side of the Mason-Dixon Line I don’t,” she said, “and I’m not going back no matter how many bikers are waiting outside my apartment.”

“What about a hotel? Could I take you to a hotel for the night?” Again she shook her head, this time scrunching her nose up.

“Not on my wages.” They stood there silently for a few more minutes before Bucky handed her the helmet again.

“Alright then,” he said, cocking his head to the side, “I guess you will have to come home with me, though I’m warning you, my couch isn’t that comfortable.” This time she had more of a chance to catch her balance on the bike, and Bucky took care to let her settle behind him, pulling her arms more securely around his waist before maneuvering the bike back onto the street.

…

Bucky knew this was a bad decision on his part, not only was he ignoring the promise he had made to himself that he would not involve regular people in his life, he was also taking on someone else’s problem. He didn’t even know why these men were following the bar tender, what could she be caught up in that he was stepping into by coming to her aide? The woman behind him adjusted her hands wrapped around his torso and he felt a warmth spread through him at the reminder of her touch. It had been so long since he had had any real personal connection with anyone. Maybe it would be alright, he had been observing her every Friday for a few months now, she was just a normal person… No, he knew better than to think optimistically. Everyone has shit in their past, deceit and manipulation are normal. And she had the look of someone running. She was clearly a transplant, living in the tumultuous world of New York night life, has all the signs of living a rough and stressful life, and now she was being inexplicably being pursued by a group of bikers.

Bucky pulled up to the back of his apartment building and cut the engine, helping the woman down before he swung his leg over the bike.

“Well, I guess if we are gonna be roommates, we should know each other’s names at least,” the woman said, holding her hand out. “My name is Sav.”

Hesitantly, Bucky took the cold, bony hand she offered him, “James.”

…

Bucky was embarrassed even before they got to his flat, thinking about the dishes in the sink and the lack of, well, most conventional things that homes have. But he had come this far and he didn’t really see a way out of this one, so he took a deep breath and pushed open the door. Sav didn’t say anything as she stood just inside the threshold of the room, worrying her long coat still wrapped tightly around her. Remembering his manners he stepped toward her again, “uh, can I take your coat?”

Sav didn’t move to take it off, “um, I’m a little chilly actually,” she said. Bucky nodded, stepping back again, remembering that underneath her coat was much too little clothing for a New York winter. He gave her a tour of the small space, just two rooms but also a bathroom with a claw foot tub. Something the landlord mentioned several times to him before he signed the lease. He cranked the heater up as Sav returned to stand on a spot just inside of the door.

“Look,” Bucky said, “I dont really know whats going on with you, and I don’t really want to know. I don’t even really know why I offered to help you out back there except that you are a good bar tender and those guys are jerks.”

Sav smiled for the first time that night, “well you didn’t really offer, its more like you swooped in.”

Bucky looked at his boots, “yeah, I’m sure you probably could have handled it by yourself. You didn’t need me poking my nose in your business, and now here I am telling you not to pull me in when I’ve already done that myself.” Bucky continued to look down as he worried the hair at the nape of his neck.

Sav gently laid her hands on his shoulders and bending her knees, she tried to catch his eye. “I am really glad you were there tonight, James, I don’t know what else I would have done.” Bucky looked up at her now with bright eyes. “And truly, I don’t know who those guys are, I had seen them a couple of times in the bar before, but never thought anything of it… Why were they at my house?”

Bucky shrugged his shoulders, “I dunno that one, but what do you say that we forget about it for a little while? I can give you some fresh clothes if you want to take a bath.” Sav nodded and smiled.

…

It was very intimate to be wearing this strange man’s clothes, Sav thought as she looked at herself in the small bathroom mirror. She looked extra petite in the t shirt and sweat pants, but they were warm and dry and they smelled like James. She rolled her eyes at herself as she pulled her wet hair into a knot on the top of her head. Stepping out of the bathroom she let out a little squeak of surprise. Faster than she thought humanly possible, James was standing next to her.

“What’s wrong? What happened?” He asked in a panicked voice.

It was Sav’s turn to look sheepish. “Oh, didn’t mean to alarm you, I just… the floor is much colder out here than in the bathroom.” Before she even finished the sentence Bucky had lifted her off the ground. Causing yet another squeak to leave her mouth again. Bucky froze with her in his arms, Sav’s hands clinging to his neck in nervous response to losing her footing so immediately.

“Well, lets find you some socks shall we?” Bucky stuttered as he walked her to a dark blue love seat next to a window. He set her down gently and backed away respectfully. Or thats what Sav would have called it had he not previously scooped her up without warning. Bucky retreated to the other room, and Sav took a few moments to collect herself, shrugging off the exposed feeling of not only being in what was essentially a stranger’s house but also wearing his clothes, being surrounded by his scent and the messiness (she didn’t mind) of his daily existence.

Bucky returned not long after with an arm full of blankets and warm clothes. Sav almost had to bat him away to keep him from dressing her himself. On went a sweater, two pairs of socks, and she finished with a fuzzy blanked which she used to tuck herself firmly into the corner of the love seat.

…

With the lights off and his unexpected house guest asleep in the front room, Bucky pulled his shirt off, his metal arm catching the light of a street lamp from the window. Bucky rubbed the area where the metal met the flesh of his shoulder thoughtfully. Sav would sleep here tonight and he would get rid of her in the morning, help her get to a friends house or bring her to a police station, something, and he would never have to address the fact that he was a reformed killing machine with a robotic arm.

With his metal arm weighing heavy at his side he fell into a restless sleep.

[the19thduckpotato]

((reposted with permission from @my-favorite-aesthetics, a little active storytelling going on in which Toshi takes Izuku to some of his favorite waterfront shops)) Izuku looked around as they entered the door of the popcorn shop, distracted by all the new sights and sounds and SMELLS, OH WOW, THE SMELLS— It made him a tiny bit dizzy with the sudden intensity of it. Toshinori waved cheerfully at the greeting calls of "oh hello, Mr. Yagi!" A plump lady with her hair wrapped up beamed and bobbed welcome.  "Just in time for the fresh batch--and who is this?" Toshi grinned.  "This is Izuku, my student.  Izuku, this is Madame Popol.  I've been talking up your skills all afternoon so you might want to break out your best flavors." Madame Popol looked delighted at that and bustled off to do just so.  Toshi took a seat at the nearby bench and breathed deep.  How he missed the scents that mingled here! After flashing a grin and small wave at Madame Popol, Izuku took a seat beside his dad, smiling up at him fondly. He looks so happy...♡ Madame Popol soon returned with a circular wooden tray carved with multiple notches.  In each notch sat a handful of popcorn, each a different shade of color.  The plump lady began to describe the flavors and Toshi made his mind wander. remember when you used to get bags full of popcorn all the time?  And Torino would bark disappoint at your snacking habits while Master would just roar laughter and steal a few kernels? "...now this one is strawberry, over here is smokey chipotle, and this one is classic white cheddar." Toshi's mouth watered a bit and he glanced about at the brightly colored bags, tied with equally bright ribbons. Then, unbidden, a sudden urge to rise up and plunge his hands into the barrels and bags of popcorn.  Sink in, elbow deep, and start wildly stuffing his face. that would be incredibly stupid. I know You'd land yourself in the hospital with a stunt like that. I know. And so Toshi busied himself with watching Izuku's reactions to the many flavors presented him. Izuku’s eyes were wide as he listened, not remembering all of the flavors in the list but making a beeline for the strawberry, picking up a kernel and popping it in his mouth. “Mm!” His eyes somehow got wider. “That’s really good!” Madame Popol winked.  "Excellent!  Sweet taste for an equally sweet boy.  Don't you worry now, Mr. Yagi, I got some of yours all prepped and ready to go." Toshi began to pull his wallet out and Madame Popol cheerfully swatted his hand. "Poppi!" "You just let me borrow this one's tastebuds for a few more flavors and we'll call it even.  ...how about cookies and cream, Izuku?  Or pickle?  Bet you never heard of that before!" Half Izuku’s face scrunched, though he kept smiling amusedly. “Bet I have!” "But have you actually tried it?" “Wwwwwwell....” Madam Popol held out the tray. Toshi leaned back on the bench and smiled, closing his eyes and breathing deep again. just one handful surely it wouldn't be that bad A really small handful, even Izuku took a piece.... His whole face scrunched up. Toshi was finding the temptation getting a bit too strong and turned to Izuku to stammer out some sort of excuse-- --saw the kid's face-- "What on earth?!" --and gave in to a helpless bout of laughter. Madame Popol beamed at both of their reactions, still keeping a knowing eye on her lanky regular.  "Isn't that marvelous?" she chirped. "I'm... not sure it's... my cup of tea." Izuku shook his head, a tiny bit of blush on his cheeks, but being honest. Really don't like pickles.... "It isn't for everyone," Madane Popol agreed, not even slightly put out.  "Now then.  As you can see, we're pretty talented here.  So I need to ask--what is one flavor you'd never expect to taste on popcorn?  And not anything too weird or wild.  I'm asking from a curious business owner standpoint." Izuku thought for a bit. "....Well I wouldn't want to eat it, but... horseradish?" Madame Popol nodded thoughtfully.  "And what about something you would eat?  Something like--" With a sudden expert motion that surprised even Toshi, she snatched a small bag from behind the counter and tossed it to the tall blond. "Mr. Yagi," she scolded fondly but firmly, "My dear, have a munch on that and please cheer up.  And you--"  she said, pointing at Izuku.  "--flavor?" Toshi looked sheepish as Madame Popol dropped a large cloth bag in his lap and began filling it with assorted flavors of popcorn. "How many kids in your class again, hun?  I'm sure our lovely Mr. Yagi will make sure these all get to them, won't he?" "Uuuuhhh...." Izuku thought more. "Really, I just like the cheddar stuff, mostly." He popped one in his mouth, smiling at the flavor. "Strawberry is good, but I could eat these about forever." Am I being too familiar? This is oddly easy. If the words are coming this easy, are they really good? Or am I just not paying enough attention.... He looked around at Toshi and Madame Popol. They do seem unoffended though... maybe it's good, maybe I'm just being funny... yes, play the clown, I can do that... be sure not to try too hard, though, no one likes that-- stOP OVER TH I NK I N G Toshi froze as the cloth bag filled up.  Was I that easy to read?  Crap.  I need to get better about that.  To stop making it so visible. He glanced at Izuku--my anchor--and grinned.  "You heard him, Madame Popol, biggest bag of cheddar you got." She pretended to look offended.  "I dont think you realize just how big the biggest bag I have is.  I daresay you'd need to bring your big self out to haul it away."  She flexed one arm and giggled. Toshi gave a gentle smile at that.  "Sounds like a challenge," he returned, a little less enthusiastic than he had meant to sound. Izuku covered his face and squeaked happily at that. "I didn't mean FOREVER forever!" Oh noooooo, that's too much! I can't let him buy that for me... but I can't STOP him! He grinned widely, though not missing Toshi's tone of voice. He didn't quite know what to make of it, though, so he filed the fact away while keeping it in reach. Madame Popol wedged one last portion of popcorn (bacon jalapeno) into the cloth bag and tutted at Toshi's protests.  "Now now, I dont expect you boys to carry any of these around all day.  You look like you have other places you want to visit.  I'll just have these sent to your office, Mr. Yagi, darlin." Toshi shifted for his wallet again and she cheerfully hmphed.  "This man," she sighed in frustrated adoration, "he doesn't even eat yet like I ask and yet still tries to pay before services rendered." "Poppi--" "Shoo with you now!  Out of my shop, no, out, I'll send you the bill later.  Izuku please, one moment."  She beckoned to the boy while still shooing Toshi out. "--?" Izuku looked between Madame Popol and the currently-leaving Toshi nervously. He could feel his muscles tensing at the idea of staying behind alone, but... his gaze settled on her. She produced a pocket sized bag of strawberry popcorn and pressed it into his hands.  "Whatever you're doing, keep it up.  This may sound odd but...you're very good for him."  She sighed softly and gazed about her shop.  "Would that I could show him my appreciation for all that he's done with more than just popcorn but that's what the heavens saw fit.  So that will be as I keep doing.  But you--" Her eyes twinkled knowingly.  "--you've been blessed with the ability to bring his smile out."  She looked like she wanted to say more, then shook her head and waddled back to the counter.  "Come back anytime, lovey.  There will always be a bag of your favorite waiting here for you." Izuku gazed up at her as she spoke, completely understanding what it feels like to want to support someone you're grateful to but... not being able to. He smiled down at the bag of strawberry popcorn in his hands, glad he had met this Very Warm Person. "Thank you," he said softly. She gently tweaked one of his freckled cheeks.  "No no," she replied.  "thank you."   Then, returning to form, she cheerfully flapped her apron at him.  "Get on, now!  That man has long legs and could be halfway to Kyoto by now.  Go catch up!" He squeaked and ducked at the tweak, and hurried obediently after Toshi out the door......... ---------- yknow, for a one off character, I adore Madame Popol --pretty sure she was half inspired by Madame Pomphrey by name and half by Professor Sprout.  gonna see if I can doodle her up later.

[skittles1229]

Old Expectations Die Hard (Dashie x Reader Fanfic)

Chapter One: Weird Circumstances

You know your life is complicated when the friend you always complain to says "you never have a dull moment do you?" I sigh as the weight of the world seems to make it impossible to breath. You see recently things have been rough. I lost my job and my fiance all in the same day, that itself was an unbelievable story. I was so upset and strung out on thoughts of what to do that once i got home early from work i didn't notice the extra car in the driveway. i stepped into my home and my own floors felt as if they'd given way when i saw the guy i thought i'd be spending my life with in bed, with my sister... my sister and i hadn't been on good terms for a while and for a good reason! The drugs she took either made her unreliable and selfish or crazy and murderous. He, of course, pulled the its not what you think, id never hurt you, it was a mistake, and honestly i could write a book out of the excuses i heard in the time of two minutes but maybe another time. Needless to say i left. I never thought about going back and to be honest my sister looked more hurt then i was. I took a job in California a few weeks ago and moved in with my friend (BFF Name). They always seemed to know what to say and honestly i truly believe They  knew me better then i know myself. 

California gave me the biggest culture shock I've ever had. I came from Mississippi, the bible belt and the most rural part of the world. California was sooooo different then what i was use to. The weather is awesome. There's lots of jobs for technical people, at least until you're 45 and then you're considered ancient and you can't possibly know anything when some 23-year old out of Stanford tells you that they know it all. (a little bit of sarcasm there) It's a great place to start a new company, money is available as is talent. The risk of starting a company is lower since you can always find a new job The politics are insane, if you aren't towing the progressive party line you should just STFU. If you even once say that Trump has done something positive, or that Obama did something negative prepare for the wrath. Read the stuff behind the recently filed lawsuit against google for a taste of what it's like. Seriously, don't say a word. The state if structurally bankrupt, although the finances look good because so much stuff is off of the balance sheet. The public pension liability dwarfs the "good" part of the budget, and some day it is coming home to roost. Watch out when it does. The cost of living is absurd, really absurd. I'm not talking just a place to live but gas, electricity, haircuts, milk, pizza, you name it. The traffic is absurd too. (can you tell i like the word absurd) The public transit, although usually on time, is a mess. People are pigs, they throw trash everywhere, the cars are overcrowded almost all the time. 

I've got to say, from how much it sounds like i hate California, i actually don't.  Mainly because its so far away from my original family, leaving really helped me start to grow up and feel like maybe i was getting a hold of my life again. Only problem has been getting to my new job on time. I work as a barista and a waitress at a brunch place a good minute away from the apartment. The money is good, otherwise i wouldn't waste my time with the commute everyday. i keep being late to work because i still haven't adjusted to how terrible traffic is and so my boss was "nice" enough to switch me to the later shifts. The hours are long and boring because my shift starts in the middle of rush hour to the slowest hours at the end of the day meaning you have to find things to keep yourself busy with. the only good thing is, we can wear pretty much anything we want as long as its black. all i wear is dark colors so i didn't have to spend any extra money on a uniform and i didn't have to wear the same thing everyday. Today i decided i wear a v-neck shirt that with an emperor waist (body forming) with black skinny jeans and my regular converse. i decided against driving to work and decided it would be far smarter to catch a bus to the nearest destination. My (hair color) hair was done is a fishtail messy braid, i always liked this style because it made me look like i had a head full of hair when in reality i thought i was going bald. 

My personality was a little odd, you see some days i felt like the beautiful nerd who has no confidence and wants to hide away in a hole. other days i feel like a model from Victoria secrets, of course those are the days i get the most tips. today was honestly a mutual day, where id rather be at home in my bed asleep, or listening to music. The bus finally stopped a block away from my job and i sighed obviously not wanting to go into work. surprisingly there wasn't nearly  as many cars as there usually is around this time but i wasn't complaining. i walk in to see that most of the downstairs was empty but whoever was upstairs definitely had a loud mouth. i walk to the back in order to clock in and i bump into melany ( the girl im shifting with). "wow you actually got here on time! Maybe the boss's mood will cheer up." i huffed a little. "yea, i dont know why i thought id need a car in California, say whats with the low level of customers? its NEVER this slow." she looked at me in disdain, "some guys reserved the entire upstairs and we had to make this huge table out of all our tables up there, glad im not gonna be the one fixing it later." i rolled my eyes, i hated when a huge family came in and they just had to move everything around because little johnny wants the sit next to suzzie and suzzie HAS to sit by her parents bc she likes to throw her food on the floor, all fake names but a real situation ive been in before. "well have they at least been fed so that i only have to clean up after them?" she shook her head while hanging up her apron. "nope, they've only ordered their drinks and they are getting those onto trays now." so today was gonna be like every other day. "guess i better go help them take those upstairs then, have a good rest of your day." i walk away and slip on my apron, grabbed one of the trays of drinks while another waiter grabbed the rest of the drinks. Once i got upstairs, that's when i met him...

Chapter Two: Last Will and Testament

          He was sitting on the far end of the long table of people laughing and joking. everyone seemed to be loud and all had their own inside jokes. This guy, he stuck out. i changed my attention to the task at hand, finishing this shift. i hated when people moved all the tables and seating around. all the waiters and waitresses have to go back behind them and look at the layout of the floor to put them all back exactly as they were before. it was a struggle and because of this nobody actually wanted that job so usually the manager gives it to her least favorite workers and i happened to be one. "who all had coke?" nobody answered me so one of the men bellowed out the same line and somehow was able to get a show of hands. i walked around handing  out drinks, catching the lingering smell of strong liquor. i could tell by the end of tonight they would all be wasted and loud. please, just don't make more of a mess then you have to, i thought to myself. i had one drink left on my tray, "sweet tea?" the guy i saw before at the end of the table waved his hand and i dreaded going over there, i always seem to make a fool of myself when it matters. 

     i make my way slowly down the table with the tray under my arm and the tea in my hand. i lean over to sit his drink on the table.."here's your t-" *CRASH* while joking with one of his friends his elbow crashes into my hand sending the tea flying all over me and the cup crashing to the floor, thank god i wore black. he turned around and looked more horrified then i did. "i'm sorry! i'm so sorry!" his voice was deeper then i imagined it'd be. "no, it my fault i'm sorry ill get you a new one." i turned away to hide my embarrassment and walked away really just trying to get away from the situation. i could tell from the silence behind me that all eyes were on me. i ran to the back where the lockers were for the service. i went to the bathroom and stripped the sticky clothes off throwing them aside. i sat on the toilet  trying to catch my breath, my social anxiety had struck me  hard. a feeling of worthlessness and dread fell over me like a blanket. after the past few months i've had just one day without something terrible happening would mean the world to me. i heard a knock on the door, it was melany, she walked in with a towel from the kitchen. "hey, i heard what happen upstairs are you ok?" i covered my breast trying keep myself as unexposed as possible. "oh yea im fine, im just cold, and sticky, and... covered in tea." melany and i made eye contact and both laughed just to lift the dread in the air. "let me guess, all the guys are getting a kick out of watching me fumble again huh?" i said a little less concerned and more annoyed. she rolled her eyes "they are boys, they get a kick out of picking their own nose. we both slid to the floor beside each other, she hands me the damp towel. i get most of the sticky off as possible, throwing my hair up to make it look less clumped together by the sugar. "i have an extra black t shirt in my locker but i don't know how it will fit you. your breast are at least a size larger then mine." i shrugged my shoulders, "who cares ill make do. thanks for your help melany." she smiled her weird anime girl smile and ran to get the shirt from her locker.

     ill have to admit, she was right about the size thing. it was far to small around the chest area but the rest fit fine. after the incident my boss stuck me down stairs wiping tables and sweeping the floor, i dont mind though because i get to experience the day coming to an end with a beautiful sunset over California. i secretly kept the the window to watch as the sun fell from the sky. the sky seemed to burn and darken while the clouds began to glow with the last bit of sunlight left. the sky filled up with burning Burgundy and faded orange and yellows, the tallest buildings seemed to reach for the skyline as if it were a sunflower moving to the last drip of sunlight. moving here had been hard, and this had become one of the things i looked forwards to. living in the apartment with my friend was nice, buts its not the same as coming home to someone you use to lay with every night. sleeping alone seemed so much colder and emptier then i remembered from childhood. my mother would be so disappointed in the way i turned out, in the places id gone and the decision to spend my life with someone who was most obviously the wrong one. she would have told me to slow down and to take my time, that growing up wasn't everything. she would have said love isn't something you just wake up and have, its something you make. i wasn't anywhere close to where i thought id be by now, and i could see that. it tears at my heart everyday, not being able to see her or any of my family. sometimes it felt as if they'd all died in the fire that night. 

     i suddenly heard a boom of voices making their way down the stairs, i hadn't realized how close to closing time it had become. all of them walk out stumbling and laughing at their own jokes, seems they all got a good bit of drinking in, all except one. The guy i ran into on accident seemed as sober as ever, designated driver i think, he was much taller now. he seemed muscular but in such a fitting way for his body. his teeth sparkle because their so white, his smile complimented him best. his high cheekbones made his chocolate brown eyes his best feature. His skin was glowing with a sweet honey hue and before i could notice that i was staring he turned his head. his eyes met mind before i could think twice and that's when i felt the heat rise to my cheeks. weather it be from embarrassment or silly school girl shyness i didn't know . i turned my face away but it was too late, i turned my face a little just to catch a glimpse of him before he made his way out of the door and that's when i noticed his cheeks had gone from a burnt caramel to a rosy color. i felt my body shiver at the thought that maybe, just maybe he found me as attractive as i found him. i shook the thought from head realizing they had began locking the place down. as i helped close up shop and wash dishes i couldn't help but to let my mine wander to all different kinds of thoughts, funny thing was they always fell back to him and his rosy  cheeks. i couldn't help but smile as i felt my heart race at the thought of him, even though id made a fool of myself today i was glad i hadn't ruined my chances. Even if he'd never get with me or i wouldn't ever see him again, i'd still take it as a compliment that he even looked my way. 

     before long we were all outside laughing and talking about today. The manager locked the doors and said his goodbyes. i turn to walk towards the bus station when i see a man standing aside awkwardly between the restaurant and the parking lot. suddenly my eyes adjusted and once they did, the joyousness butterflies came back and the blush suddenly reappeared on my cheeks..

There are lots more chapter after this if you are interested you can find them here

https://my.w.tt/sosFRmianbb

[themagicaltunaa]

Answer all the questions

well i have nothing to do so sure

1. What have you eaten today? 

some toast for breakfast, leftovers for lunch, and some cereal for dinner

2. Who was your last kiss with? Was it pleasant?

never kissed anyone, don't really care about that

3. What color shoes did you last wear?

light grey sneakers

4. Who has made you laugh the hardest in the last week?

Jeremy did, when I was watching his Alien Isolation stream on monday

5. What is your favorite scent?

I love the smell freshly baked goods

6. What is your favorite season? Why?

I love fall. I just love the aesthetic of the season, and my favorite holiday is during fall. I would love to experience it one day

7. Can you do a handstand or cartwheel?

lol nope. I was barely able to do it as a kid. If I tried now i’m pretty sure i’ll break something.

8. What color are your nails?

the regular pink color? I don’t paint my nails

9. If you had to get a tattoo on your face to save your life, what would it be?

aw geez, uhhh idk maybe like a tiny star or something

10. What is something you find romantic?

i dont know romantic things 

11. Are you happy?

eh

12. Is there anything in particular making you happy or sad?

no not really

13. Dogs or Cats?

cats. i like dogs too, but sometimes they’re too much to deal with. i’m more comfortable being with cats

15. Which do you prefer:a museum, a night club, the forest or a library?

museum

15. What is your style?

my style is “im trying”

16. If you could be doing anything you like right now, what would it be?

stay up all night to catch up on videos

17. Are you in a relationship or single?

single babeyyyy

18. What makes you attracted to the person you like right now?

nothing, because im not attracted to anyone

19. If you could replace your partner/best friend with a celebrity of your choice, would you? Who with?

i dont like celebrities

20. Are you holding on to something you need to let go of? If so then what?

i’m pretty sure i’m holding on to a lot of stuff, but I can’t seem to remember anything specific. if this question means metaphorically, the answer still works

21. How did you celebrate last Halloween?

I went to a drive thru haunted house with my 2 friends, and after we got some taco bell and went to the beach to eat our food. we sat there for like 10 minutes before it started to rain on us

22. Have you recently made any big decisions?

nope. I try not to in general , I hate having to make any sort of big decision because I starting stressing 

23. Were you ever in a school play?

I’ve always had stage fright so no

24. What movie would you use to describe your life?

uhhhh, I dont watch enough movies to pick one

25. Is there something you have dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it? 

oh there’s plenty of things that I've dreamed of doing, but I just can’t do it because of anxiety 

26. Complete this sentence, “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”

I dont like sharing

27. What are two things that irritate you about the same sex?

uhhh idk? maybe the whole makeup culture thing? but it’s not like it irritates me I just don’t get it. I can’t really think of a second thing

28. What are two things that irritate you about the opposite sex?

too much to list

29. What is the best thing that has happened to you this week?

fuck if i know

30. What is something that makes you sad when you think about it?

can’t think of anything rn

31. How long was your longest relationship?

never been in one

32. Have you ever been in love?

pretty sure I have not

33. Are you currently in love?

nope

34. Why did your last relationship end?

see question 31

35. What jewelry are you wearing right now, and where did you get it?

not wearing any atm. actually, I just don’t wear jewelry in general

36. When was the last time you cried and why?

I think it was last week? I don’t remember why, it was probably something stupid

37. Name someone pretty.

the anon that sent me this ask

38. What did you receive last Valentines Day?

oh! I got a few gifts from my bestie :)

39. Do you get jealous easily?

no

40. Have you ever been cheated on?

no

41. Do you trust your partner/best friend?

sure

42. Ever had detention?

no because I was a good bean in school

43. Would you rather live in the countryside or the city?

city. the countryside sounds nice, but just the thought of being out in the middle of nowhere especially at night makes me nervous 

44. What do people call you?

by my name

45. What was the last book you read?

I do not remember. It’s been years since I’ve read a book

46. How big of a nerd/dork are you?

uhhh idk

47. What kind of music do you listen to?

anything that catches my fancy. I don’t really stick to one kind of genre

48. How tall are you?

my doctor said I’m allowed to say i’m 5′2

49. Do you like kids?

they’re alright. I can handle be around them for a bit, but I would never want to have any 

50. Favorite fruits?

watermelon, starfruit, and tangerines

51. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

jeans

52. What’s your earliest memory?

I was like 3-4, and I was at disney world with my family. I remember seeing a stage show of Bear in the Big Blue house, and I remember walking around ToonTown when it still existed

53. Ever had a poem or song written about you or to you?

i hope not

54. Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind it

55. Do you have a collection of anything?

I used to collect seashells as a kid and I still have some of the collection somewhere in my closet. I wanna start a new collection of something but idk what

56. Do you save money or spend it?

i try to save it

57. What would your dream house be like?

something cozy and not too big, with a cat or 2

58. What top 5 things make you the angriest?

its 11pm at the time of answering this, i really can’t think of anything to fill a list rn

59. What top 5 things always brings a smile to your face?

see the previous question

60. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

save the dog. i hate my job anyways so I don’t care

61. 72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

I would definitely tell my closest friends, and some of my family members, probably my mom’s side of the family. If I had the money to, I would like to travel to some places that i’ve always wanted to go to. I would have a month to accept that i’m gonna die so i think i would be fine. i’d rather get plenty of time to know i’m dying rather than like last minute. this has been a topic that i’ve been thinking of for a while now, not because I’m like thinking about death or anything, I just need something to kill time with at work

62. Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

a heart?

63. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

aw cmon, I can’t just think of stuff like that on the spot. I don’t even know where I would want to go

64. Do you like the beach?

It’s nice, especially in the early morning when everything is still calm and the beach isn’t packed with people yet

65. Ever sleep on the couch or a bed with someone special?

no? wtf does someone special mean?

66. Do you have a middle name? If so what is it!

Doesn’t everyone have a middle name? But yeah i do and i hate it so im not saying anything

67. Do you talk to yourself?

in my head all the time

68. Describe your hair.

brown, curly, very long because I haven’t cut it in almost a year, it’s very annoying

69. What is the meaning of life.

I wish i knew

70. What is your ideal partner like?

no one

71. Do you want to get married?

no

72. Do you want to have kids?

 ew no

73. Like or dislike your family?

 they’re bearable

74. Are you Chunky or Slim?

I’m more than chunky, i’m just straight up fat

75. Would you consider yourself smart?

lol no. I’m an absolute dumbass

76. What would you change about your life?

everything if i could

77. Religious or Not?

no not really

78. You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?

I don’t drink so this would never happen

79. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?

it sure isnt because no one is there

80. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

uhhhh no. I don’t really care tbh

81. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

idk

82. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?

i’m not opening the door because no one is there

83. Do you like when people play with your hair?

ehh not really. It’ll just make it frizzy

84. Do you like bubble baths?

no

85. Have you ever been pulled over by a cop?

I need to drive in order for that to happen

86. Have you ever danced in the rain?

no. its not fun getting soaked in the rain

87. Do you trust anyone with your life?

not really? 

88. What was your first thought when you woke up this morning?

why does god allow suffering

89. If money wasn’t an issue, what top 10 places would you travel to? (You get to stay at each place for a week)

1.greece

2. peru

3.disney world only because I have not been to all the parks yet, also i can bug my brother while i’m there

theres a lot more but i’m too tired to fill out the rest of the list

90. How was your day today?

it was fine

91. Play an instrument?

used to play mellophone/french horn in band in high school. after I graduated I haven’t touched an instrument since

92. Describe the what you think of the ocean.

it’s scary

93. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts?

aliens as anything that counts as a living organism not of this world, not green little men from mars nonsense. the universe is too big for only life to be on earth. for ghosts, i’m still iffy about them, but that doesn’t mean i’m gonna start walking around haunted places and call the ghosts a bitch

94. Honestly, are things how you wanted them to be?

abosolutely not. every day I regret all the decisions i’ve made through my life. does that mean I’m trying to fix said mistakes or try not to do them again? lol no 

95. Do you have a mean bitchy scary side?

in my mind i do. I’m too scared of everyone to actually do it

96. When are you vulnerable?

always

97. How much free time do you have?

doesn’t feel like much. saturday and sunday go by way too fast and i feel like when i go home from work theres just not enough to relax. im tired all the time

98. Do you like to go hiking?

never been

99. Odd or Even Numbers?

even

100. Would you ever go sky diving, bungee jumping , cliff diving, wing suit gliding, parasailing, snorkeling, or other extreme activities?

no because I actually have self preservation. I am also a very big chicken

[aggresivelyfriendly]

Hi all! Here is the next Installment of the little au pair Harry ditty inspired by @papiermachecat, thanks to @chasm2018 for the brainstorming sessions, @emulateharry for the read through, and @dirtystyles and @bleedinglove4h for being my people!

To Be So Lonely

Home Not Alone

"Shhhhh," Victoria told the door as it clicked behind her; she hoped she suppressed her pointed exhalation enough. These were difficult nights, the ones where she thought she'd make it just in time for the twins bedtime, but missed it by just enough to be a distraction. It had been happening more than she'd liked the last month, being late for the routine.

The routine that Harry created with them. Not her.

Was it normal to be jealous of your nanny? Manny?

That was weird, her face screwed up at that. That word didn't need to be gendered.

"Your face might stick like that." The softly accented voice was her third favorite thing to hear when she came into her apartment. After Mateo and Maribel giggling together, the ding of whatever food Harry had ready for her, and way above her kids calling him 'Awwy'. Partially because it was annoying that they said it wrong. Mostly, because it came not long after mama and was said more often. Not that she was keeping count.

Her eyes had closed while she grimaced over her loud entrance. She blinked open and noticed the slight bags under Harry's eyes. She should send him to bed. Mateo had been on a very early kick, which meant she got to see him first thing, but also, that he was very cranky by 7 pm but had to be kept up for an extra half hour to stay on schedule. That half hour felt really, really long. And she only had to do it last Sunday, when the new pattern emerged. Then the work week had come and Harry had taken over. It was Thursday now. That was lots of tiring nights.

Plus the twins had tarted crawling. They moved faster than a two legged creature on four legs should be able to. They also tended to go in separate directions straight into harm's way. Victoria had decided to call a baby proofer this weekend, though Harry claimed to be certified. He didn't have the time.

Who certified baby proofers?

Her hand mopped the hair that had fallen over her forehead. Her weighted lids seemed heavy to open. She was tired too, her wandering mind proof. Victoria finally convinced her eyes to open, it took all her strength. Speaking of baby proofing, the coffee table had been moved again, so they didn't get stuck under it she'd been informed. Maribel had done it right before afternoon nap not too long ago, and she couldn't push up all the way under the mid century design, it had pushed her to her belly, and Victoria figured she had flashbacks to all the tummy time Harry instituted. The fit had been epic, he'd sent her videos. She wondered if Harry rued his tummy time emphasis in that moment. It was responsible for her early crawlers and their baby frustrations, which Harry bore the brunt of. She should buy him ear plugs.

She should get rid of the coffee table. If they started pulling up on that, and god forbid walking into it, she imagined hospital trips, even if it was pushed against the wall. She had a mental flash of someone losing an eye. Coffee tables were useless anyway. When she had a mug, it was in her hands. She'd never wanted it anyway. Her mom had insisted she had one; Victoria had wanted an ottoman.

"They busy today?" She pushed off the wall and walked to the kitchen. Her plate was in the microwave, since it wasn't next to his on the breakfast bar where it was when she made it home in a timely fashion. He waited if he could help it, so they had an excuse to not eat standing up in the kitchen. It was later than she thought, kids should definitely be sleeping well by now. Then why was he whispering?

He answered her raised eyebrow.

"Yeah," he huffed and sat across from her at the breakfast bar. "Bell was really fussy at morning nap, kinda kept Mateo awake, but then he returned the favor later. He was out by 7, but Maribel was unsettled I'd really just got her down when I heard the door click."

"I'm so tempted to wake them both up at the same time tonight." Victoria cut into the chicken. "You stuffed it? How'd you find the time?"

"I got it premade." She nodded. He continued. "I don't see why you dont. Seems like a solid choice with two babies. To change all the nappies and such at the same time?"

"I guess I can't get my mom's 'no molestate, tienen suenos' out of my head." She looked up and immediately started translating.

"I get the gist," he had a nice laugh. Harry was pleasant all together. "But, due respect," clearly tip-toeing over what he thought were dropped eggs. "your mom never had twins." She laughed and it brought out the dimples. She always had a soft spot for those. They inspired trust in her mind. It had gotten her in trouble with clients, because she'd assumed honesty. She assumed nothing these days, but she had trusted Harry and his dependable face straightaway.

He stretched and his sweatshirt lifted to show one of the tatttoos she'd not discovered he had until he rolled up his sleeves to do dishes one day. One day she'd have energy to ask about them. She'd even missed the hand tattoo at the first meeting. She must have been in dire straits. Right now she was too tired to even think about the leaves?

She could sleep standing up at the moment, entirely too tired. Oh, his eyebrows were a question mark.

"She did not, and I should have ignored her benediction months ago. They wake up much less now, and for shorter periods of time." Her forehead felt tight. She should wash up.

"Do you want a glass of wine?" His question interrupted the mental argument she was having with herself about washing her face and doing skincare before laying down on her bed. She'd recently got a new mattress, and it was, frankly, the best thing in the world. But, she passed out the minute she laid down. She had to go do the motions first. Definitely.

Wait, he'd asked her a question. Wine, at this time of night, by herself?

Her question must have been on her face.

"You just look like court was rough. You've been later the last few weeks. It'll relax your temples, drop your shoulders," her deltoids came down at his mention. "And, it may ease you to sleep?"

"New mattress does the work." Victoria exhaled.

"Yeah, I noticed today." He said nonchalantly.

Her brow knit. "You were in my bed?" He never gave her sketch vibes. Weird, that's why you couldn't trust dimples.

His already big eyes were huge, "yeahs sorry! weird,I know. I was super desperate with Mateo, that tooth is really bugging him. and they were keeping each other up, so I separated them. I had to grab wipes from in there, and it...damn. I really have no good explanation." He shrugged. "It looked really inviting."

She laughed. It did, that was purposeful. So she would stay there when her insomnia kicked in or when the babies woke up. Made it was easy to wait the 10 minutes to see if they settled themselves. Slowly stretching that time out would be easier and easier in the sanctuary she'd made the bed a centerpiece of.

He relaxed, "Whew, thought I may lose my job."

"Unemployment sucks, no worries, you're safe."

"I mean, yeah, but I'd miss the twins, and..." He shook his head. He'd need to find a place and he'd be out a job, those were good reasons, but less sweet and more obvious than Harry tended to be. "Anyway, glass of wine?"

What exactly was he offering? With him in the kitchen, or a sad drink in her bed alone? Victoria wasn't sure which. She thought he may have offered her wine last week too. This case must be killing her if her nanny was worried about her.

Should only be a bit longer. She hoped.

"No, but thanks, really Harry. But I think we may both do better with sleep." She smiled

"Another time then." his voice was thin over the distance. She heard it as she headed to her bedchamber.

She clicked on her monitor, though she'd given Harry the farther room, so she could hear the babies through the wall. It made it easier to tell if they were really awake of just stirring. Harry didn't need the monitor or proximity during the day. She let him sleep at night. He didn't make breast milk, and needed the sleep to chase them all day.

She drifted to sleep with the taste of wine in her mouth and a pleasant new smell in her nostrils

🌲🌲🌲🌲

"Vee!" He tried to keep his voice level, and he'd already resorted to a new level of desperate with the voicemail. Who listened to voicemail these days? No one. Except Vee. "Give me a call soon as you get this!"

Actually, she talked on the phone more than any person he knew. Usually, it was for work, or to her mom. But she seemed to talk to old friends from college and Texas, which she referred to like it was a time in her life instead of a place, on the regular.

Her mom, she talked to her mom several times a day he had noticed, usually in Spanish so rapid fire he couldn't even catch the words he knew. Though he really only knew pidgeon French.

He liked hearing her Spanish better, he thought maybe he should learn it, so he could talk to the twins in it.

Without discussing it, they had split up language duties. Victoria only spoke to them in Spanish, he took English. But he was with them when they were awake more.

He knew she secretly hated that, the only times she'd ever really mentioned it, her long hours away, it had to do with Spanish, and how she wished she had more than nights and weekends to teach them.

She wished she had more than nights and weekends with them. He could tell her career had been her baby before the babies. Now she was stuck in the middle, walking a fine line between her own ambition and her desire.

He should help with the Spanish, may kill some mom guilt. If he learned to help her. Or would it induce more? Women were complicated.

But, mental workout over, she talked on the phone, so he was hoping she'd see he called, which he never did, and know to call back.

He was thinking he needed to take Maribel to the emergency room. She'd been a little warm when she woke up, late, and then she just got hotter.

Then she was puking. Mateo seemed to sense he needed to be an angel that day and did just that. He was spinning away in his play saucer while Harry frantically walked his sister while she cried. She had thrown her water on the floor every time he tried to get her to sip on it, and the look she'd given the popsicle, he was surprised it stayed frozen. Wow! Fireball.

He loved it! Except when he had to parent it. Help parent it.

He wondered if Vee looked like that in court?

The popsicle cooled him down, he wished Maribel would try it.

Should he call again? Just bundle the kids into the car? He had all of the things, the insurance and the affidavit, and car seats put in correctly. Except, he felt like if Vee came home to an empty house she would freak.

"Harry?" She sounded distracted, maybe just that bit worried. That shade of gray her voice got "Everything ok?"

"Um, well, yes and no. Maribel has a temp of 103,—"

"Oh my god! Is she ok?"

"She's weepy and tired and she's thrown up a few times-"

"I'm coming home."

"Yeah, yeah, that's a good idea." He heard 'oh my god' and shuffling paper in her background. "But I think we should meet is at the urgent care on Washington? Her fever isn't responding to meds." He tried to keep the worry out of his voice. He wouldn't be concerned, kids got fevers all the time, but for that. The baby had taken the medicine, begrudgingly, over an hour ago, and she was still getting hotter. But, that was a detail he could share with Vee later, after, when everybody was ok. She'd freak out even more that she was about to. And then be consumed with extra guilt, and he didn't want her to feel like that.

He could hear the ding of an elevator.

"I might lose you, I'll call you back."

"I've got to get out of the house—"

"Oh, ok, just text me if you-"

"I'll call you from the car?"

He liked that she sighed in relief. "Please."

"Of course." He went to hang up, but first said "She's gonna be fine, kids get sick all the time."

"How do you know?" Oh, the lawyer voice, he may have overstepped. "You don't have kids."

"Ouch," slipped out and he heard her suck in a breath. "I don't, but I love yours, and this isn't my first nanny gig." He chose not to remind her that he had more experience with kids, on paper, than she did. She hung up then after a soft "yeah."

He frowned, he hadn't meant to incite the lioness. He worried about it for almost an hour while he tried to keep both kids from touching anything in the emergency room.

Her cheeks were flushed when she rushed in the door that opened like theater curtains. He had only seen that color the first week she had insisted on taking running back up. It was like a month in to him working for her. She walked out the door confidently.

"Take it easy, yeah? Your body's been through something," he had suggested gently.

"Pfft, I ran until they induced me." She may have rolled her eyes.

Then she came in like a hurricane popping back over the ocean to get more moisture to dump over a neighboring city. She drank water like it too.

He did not say 'I told you so', he did not need to.

"If you mention going easy, so help me..." She said between her second and third glasses.

He zipped his lips and picked up Mateo. He must need a diaper change by now. Then he had told the little guy how lovely and silly his mum was.

This was a less amusing flush to her cheeks.

Shit! She might have run here.

"Fucking Uber driver." She cursed and he laughed and jokingly covered Maribel's ears. Well he hovered his hands over her ears, she'd fallen asleep. It wasn't restful, but he was not going to disrupt the dribble she had started leaving on his shoulder. Mateo sat on a blanket at his feet. Harry had bracketed it with his legs to keep him within its lines. Luckily, Teo was very interested in the shape sorter that had delighted countless generations, because that floor was infectious. Harry was doing his best to keep the boy off of it.

"What happened with the driver?" He was still chuckling. Her ire was his favorite. Well, after her delight at the babies.

"I told him how I wanted to go, but he said 'Waze and driving all the time say this way.'" And I said, "Fuck waze, I used to walk this in college and this road backs up horribly in the next twenty minutes."

"Did he listen?" He knew the answer, he just wanted her to tell him.

"No! The Puto!" She sat next to him and tucked Mateo's chin and silhouetted Maribel's curls. She exhaled a little bit then. But fussed a little bit more, now for the sake of story telling rather than real frustrations. "And he messed up my rating!"

"Did you cuss at him a lot?" He already knew that answer too.

"Of course! Because I was right and he needed to say it." He knew he was grinning. The little smile that started backwards, with her eyes before it spread to her mouth, when she caught his amusement told him so.

"De la Rosa?" The triage nurse called. And both of their heads swiveled like a meerkat on the plain.

"But, I suppose it was better to wait in traffic than here. I saved myself some drool and energy, sticking you with the babies." She slapped a smile on her face.

"Wasn't" he caught her eye to say.

"I know." And she picked up Mateo and scooped the four corners of the blanket while blazing the trail to the curtained room they were in until 3am.

🛌🛌🛌🛌🛌🛌

"This is weird, yeah?" He asked.

"Listen Goldilocks, you've already been sleeping in my bed, don't act like you're not excited." She must be punch drunk to be teasing him about their kitchen conversation. 4:00 was an ungodly hour by any rights, especially at a pharmacy where the workers are half asleep. Seeing the wrong side of 5 made you desperate, which explained their current arrangement.

Their bodies had formed brackets around Maribel like she was the primary number in their equation. She was. And Mateo. He'd never have been here but for her needing a bit of help with the twins. Maribel had napped on and off during their time at the emergency room. She'd been sleeping best on his or Vee's chest. He'd had to dislodge her from her mum to place her in her car seat. It did not go over well. Maribel had favored them with her best high notes the whole drive home. So Mateo was awake as well. He was easy enough to get down, they just had to get home.

Their steps were slow. He had Teo and she had Mari, it was easy enough to keep the division. They wordlessly agreed to keep them separate. He followed her down the hallway after carelessly leaving everything but the babies and the medicine in the living room.

"Vee." He whispered and motioned with his head to his awkwardly extended hand. She nodded, took the step closer to retrieve the paper packet before leaving him to it at the nursery door.

Teo was tired and Harry only had to dance him a bit before he lay him down.

Harry pressed his hand to the sweet tummy for just a few minutes for good measure, but he was out like a popped bulb.

Harry could hear the fussing as soon as he left the nursery door frame, the closing a soft snick behind him. Maribel was still awake and so overtired her cry was more a pathetic whimper. Or maybe that was Vee's soothing sounds.

"I remember when I used to stay up for 24 hours on purpose!" She whispered when he came near enough to hear. "Do you ever mourn all of the sleep you gave up before?"

"Think I'm still too close to the staying up on purpose phase."

"Ah, I forget how young you are." She pursed her lips and it threw the lines of her face into stark relief in the morning light sneaking through her blinds.

"Hey, I turn 30 soon."

"Oh yes, so grown up." She smiled sleepily and the expression highlighted the 10 years she had on him.

"Let me take her. You worked all day yesterday." He could feel the bleeding heart in his eyes.

"So did you." She reminded him.

"Yeah, but I just had to make two wonderful babes smile and keep them clean and fed. You fought for someone along with the patriarchy."

"The patriarchy?"

He shrugged and shifted the baby over. She let him. "I just imagine you as the only woman standing in the courtroom."

She blinked. "I'm not always." She started rubbing Maribel's back, and the baby's whimper ceased.

"But often enough," he whispered. They looked at each, their eyes going wide moments later when they realized the baby was sleeping. Vee carefully removed her hand and Mari stirred, mewled.

Harry motioned with his chin and she replaced her hand. They stood breathless, rocking in the same slow rhythm for long moments.

"I think she's really out." Vee said after 15 min. "But I'm afraid for you to lay her down."

"I'll lay down with you guys at first?" He raised his brow.

"Yeah, yeah, ok." He could see her desperation, the call of sleep.

"I'll leave soon as I can. You need sleep."

"So do you." She cocked her head to the side.

He ninjaed his way down to the bed and was thankful he'd gone down to his tee shirt and had worn trousers. He hadn't slept in Jeans since undergrad, he was unwilling to take the habit back up. Maribel moved a bit, but she curled her little body into him and got hold of his earlobe like she did when her sleep was gonna get deep.

"She's got my ear." Harry whispered. They'd found it disrupted her when you dislodged her hold.

Vee tightened her face. "Damn, she's got my pinky." She used to do that to Mateo when they shared a blanket. When he rolled away, she always woke up. It occurred to Harry that Maribel was not a good sleeper, now he was tired enough to be grumpy about it. "I think you're stuck here." Vee opened her big brown eyes and looked up at him from her drowsy lashes.

"Yeah, looks like." He tried to inject some regret in his voice.

And that was how they found themselves forming a cocoon around the sprawled out baby whispering across a shared pillow.

"Can you pull more blanket from the side of the bed? I want to pull it down away from her face, but my shoulders are cold." She sighed with closed lids. "I already feel guilty enough she sleeps on her tummy."

"She started that as soon as she could roll over. And we both got more sleep for it." He adjusted the blanket.

"I know," trickled out slowly. "But it makes me worry."

"I know." He brushed her hair off her face where it had fallen before he could catch himself. Her eyes dragged open. "Vee," he caught her ear lobe between his fingers. "Stop worrying, go to sleep."

"Yeah, yeah, stop worrying, he says." She chuckled and he slid his errant touch away without mention. "But sleep, I can do."

Harry woke up hours later. The sun was using all its cold power to push through the wooden slats. The day would be freezing with that amount of sunshine. That had been a news flash when he'd moved here. Sun like that in the winter equaled brr. But his circadian rhythm insisted he also rise and shine.

He didn't want to wake either female in the bed. Maribel had released his earlobe in her rustling, so he was clear there. But the anchor was stronger in the hand laced with his.

Harry was sad to let it go, but he looked back from the door and congratulated himself on not disturbing them. The warmth of his hand, that was anything but upsetting as he set about checking on Teo and cooking breakfast.

It may be cold outside, but they were snug in here.

[autisticmob]

HELLO everyone i am now ten days out from my tiddy surgery so i think while everything is still fresh-ish in my mind I should get a rough timeline of how things went for me, just so anyone having similar stuff done in the future can have it as reference?? 

so under the cut is how shit went down, warning we are gonna be tmi about it for Max Information Dissemination, i will be talking about IV placement, Needles, Bleeding, Bruising, Bathroom Stuff In General, etc. so like. Be Warned.

OKAY SO what did i have done and how did i get it:

- i got a bilateral breast reduction with a “T,” “keyhole,” or “anchor-shaped” incision. this procedure, unlike double-incision top surgery, does not detach your nipples at all, but it DOES leave a decent hunk of breast tissue behind to avoid the nip graft. this connecting tissue keeps your nip attached and supplied with enough blood to survive. that means with this one, theres basically a limit to how much they can take off, and it depends on how big you are to start off with. 

- i went with the T-incisions because as a NB person, I wanted to sidestep the “gender-confirming surgery” route with my insurance. technically, I believe it would have been covered if i had gone through the process of talking to a therapist and getting a note that the surgery WOULD help confirm my gender, but i suspect it would have taken much longer, and I was afraid that my doctor and community resources would not have ended up approving me FOR the surgery since I don’t exactly fit the typical trans narrative. and luckily for me i had Massive, Spine-Bending G Cup Tiddies to contend with. so every doc that took a look at me said “yeah, you need those taken care of for medical reasons.” so i thought hey, let’s see how far this will get me!

- i talked to my primary care doc about my back pain and mentioned i’d like to look into a breast reduction, and she referred me to a local surgeon who could do the procedure. at the time i was still entertaining the idea of double-incision, but as it turned out, this surgeon just didnt do that. but i knew for certain my insurance would cover him, his results were good, and he was local, so i said yes to the T-incisions, which he said would likely get me down from a G to at least a C. it wasnt my ideal scenario admittedly, but frankly the back pain was getting to be too much, and i needed it to be addressed sooner rather than later.

- i had a consultation with the surgeon in early december, and they took pictures and measurements to send to my insurance so they could confirm the tits WERE in fact Too Bomb To Live. Doc said that it varies between insurance companies, but most will have a minimum amount of tissue that needs to be taken off, in grams, from each breast. he was like, “your insurance needs at least 1000g total removed, which’ll leave you on the small side, is that cool?” and i was like “My Man, take AS MUCH as you possibly can, im sick of these” and he was like “cool, makes my job easy then.” 

- it took my insurance like 1.5 to 2 months to get back to me, but late january the surgery place called me and we set a date for february 5th, 2020!!

PRE-OP:

- before i went into surgery, the hospital made me go over my medical history with them over the phone, informed me of all the risks, and gave me a special scrub kit to shower with at home for the last 2 days before the surgery

- fun fact this soap will make your whole bathroom and body smell strongly and exactly like a hospital and it is gross as hell if you hate hospital smell

- i also had to go to my primary care doc to get the OK that i was healthy enough to go under general anesthesia, and also get some blood tests and a urinalysis done. i fucked up the urinalysis tho (which is a whole other story) so i had to redo that the morning of the surgery when i got to the hospital anyway. 

- when i scheduled my surgery they also gave me a list of things i had to NOT DO before i went in. this included stuff like avoiding herbal medications and non-prescription supplements and not drinking any alcohol for like 2 weeks prior to surgery, and not eating anything after midnight the night before surgery.

- then it was SURGERY DAY!!!

- i went in with uhhh a LOT of anxiety about what everything would entail, ngl. i knew i had to do it because staring down the barrel of life with tiddies forever was way scarier than surgery, but yknow whenever you go under general anesthesia they legally do have to let you know that you could die and thats just a lot to consider, PLUS the whole thing involves just, really mangling your torso so like. its a lot! its okay to be scared!

- both my parents went with me for moral support which i appreciated a lot, but i didnt actually see them much since they had to spend a lot of it in the waiting room.

- when i went back with the doc they had me Wash The Tiddy Off with some antiseptic and change into a gown. i got some grippy socks out of the deal which is probably not a universal experience, but this hospital did it so shoutout to them for the socks i guess

- then they asked me all my medical history stuff again and checked me for any like, rashes or open sores or anything. i had some Tit Zits but they did not seem to be worried about that.

- then the surgeon came in and drew lines on me for the incisions. bro when i saw how high up my nips were gonna be i was losing my damn mind. this is one of the really exciting parts, because you finally get to really visualize what your end size is gonna be!! 

- once he was satisfied with how everything looked, they started really Prepping Me For Surgery.

- they hooked me up to a blood pressure cuff, a heart monitor, and some compression leg thingies that would inflate and deflate intermittently around my calves to help me not get blood clots. this felt weird but tbh also like kind of a nice massage

- then the iv placement. bro im not lying when i tell you this is the worst part. the nurse numbed me with some lidocaine before placing the needle and let me tell you that shit HURTED. lidocaine Stings and Burns when it hits and this was arguably the most painful part. but the good news about that is it means nothing else after that is all that bad. and i got THREE lidocaine shots because these two nurses could NOT find my blood anywhere. they finally called in their ringer (an EMT named kirk, s/o to kirk) who got that sucker in my arm with NO numbing and NO pain in like, 2 fucking seconds. i pray you all have a kirk. kirk knows where your fucking blood is and hes not gonna fuck around getting to it because he JUST wrestled a drunk dude into an ambulance like an hour ago and compared to that this is nothing. kirk had sleeveless scrubs. im obsessed. anyway.

- then they put a plastic, inflatable, heated blanket over me? it was between two regular blankets so it wasnt as uncomfortable as you might imagine, but it was strange. warm tho so that was nice.

- THEN they wheeled my bed down to surgery. i was having so much anxiety at this point it was like... dreamlike. getting wheeled into the OR was just surreal. i was like, no thoughts head empty, just taking everything in.

- once i got there the surgical team was very cool about keeping me calm tho. they were playing their like, pump-up music and one of the guys was like “hey fyi about halfway thru the surgery we will be turning the lights off and having a rave, just in the interest of full disclosure. promise not to leave any glowsticks in there tho” and i was like what no i would LOVE glowstick tiddies

- i had to kinda roll from my bed onto the operating table, which was significantly harder and smaller. that kinda made things feel real, so i got a little more anxious at that point.

- to help me calm down they had me breathe in some straightup oxygen thru a mask while they hooked my iv to the fluids and such, and the guy was like “WHOA you got some lungs on you dude” and i was like yeah thanks im recovering from hyperventilating

- then they let the anesthesia into the iv, letting me know the whole time what was happening, talking to me until i was just OUT, which was not a lot of conversation time because i was out in like 5 seconds or less. they didnt make me count down or anything, but i promise you it was nigh instantaneous.

POST OP

- it really was instantaneous. i know everyone says that but it really is the truth, it feels like the whole thing takes seconds. like one moment youre laying there in the OR feeling the drugs Hit, and the next youre waking up in the little wake-up room feelin kinda groggy with a nurse talking to you, and youre still druggy so youre just rambling to her about how fucked your voice sounds right now and as soon as shes contented that youre basically lucid they start wheeling you to your room where youll ACTUALLY stay while you recover.

- THE THING I WAS THE LEAST PREPARED FOR WAS MY THROAT

- your throat will Hurt afterwards, but even more than that, you will be producing So Much Mucus. my surgery took about 2 hours and during that time, all my muscles were paralyzed by the anesthesia, including my lungs, so i was on a breathing tube. my throat, understandably, hated this, and started producing Gallons Of Fucking Mucus to protect itself. it then continued to do this for the next two days or so. the nurses were encouraging me to breathe deep and cough Hard to combat this, and avoid getting pneumonia, so i did. but THAT hurt the tiddies. it was really a vicious cycle. but its necessary because god if i had to have pneumonia on top of all the other recovery shit?? god. 0/10 wouldnt recommend. so it might hurt but dont worry your tiddies wont bust open or anything.

- i spent basically the rest of the day still hooked up to all the machines i listed earlier, PLUS a thing that would beep at me if my heart rate went too high, which it did a lot because i have anxiety, but luckily the nurses didnt seem too concerned. it really kept my breathing on track though because if i didnt breathe deep enough my heart would shoot up super fast and it’d beep and god that was just annoying and im pretty sure that was The Point. you kinda have to get used to breathing again, and the beeping trained me.

- they gave me like a bunch of crackers and a huge mug of water to work on at my leisure. i actually had lunch pretty quick after waking up? i know a lot of people have nausea issues from anesthesia but i didnt experience any of that. i DID move like a fucking sloth while i was eating tho. the pain meds and general grogginess of recovery slowed my whole body down sooooo much. my mom was actually like “are you okay??? like neurologically??????” and i was, totally, i was just. on slo-mo.

- anyway i didnt have to get catheterized for this procedure thankfully but they DID make me measure my pee every time i went to the bathroom. like i had to pee in a little bucket attached to the toilet and the nurse had to come check it every time and i felt really weird about that. so idk just be prepared for that i guess lmao

- also idk if it was the pain meds or the anesthesia itself but post-op, i couldnt shit for like a week. the constipation is real so get u some fucking laxatives asap when you get home, this is not a joke lmao

- they also had me put on a belt every time i got up so the nurse could hold onto me in case i decided to fucking biff it. they got me up a couple times throughout the day/night to walk up and down the hallway outside and get my body used to being upright again

- oh speaking of i never got to lie down completely flat, they had my bed locked at like a 30 degree angle minimum to help with... something. im not quite sure what, but im not gonna question it

- when i got up the next morning they had a couple nurses come in and help me un-bandage so i could shower and finally look at what the tiddies looked like for the first time!! and it was exciting but i didnt cry like i expected lmao i think i was too drained and too distracted by the bleeding

- the bleeding wasnt too bad actually, just little beads kinda coming out of parts of the incisions between the stitches. but once i got in the shower obviously stuff started getting diluted in the water and it looked like a lot more than there actually was, so dont be alarmed by that! 

- SHOWERING: its a little complicated. youre not supposed to soak the incisions, and youre not supposed to apply direct water pressure or actually touch them at this point. so what i had to do was get a washcloth wet and soapy (with antibacterial soap, i think it was hand soap honestly. hand soap’s what ive been using at home so........) and then just kinda. squeeze it at your collarbone and let it drip down over everything kinda minimally. its kind of a process but it works fine. washing your hair and like, tbh literally everything else is gonna be hard. reaching over your head is hard and scary at this point. i will admit my hair care Suffered the first week. 

- then i got bandaged back up and they got me back into my own clothes and ready to go home! they also put a bra on me over the bandages in my new size. i was only there for about 24 hours total, since i didnt really have any complications. 

- on the ride home i had to make sure the cross-chest part of the seat belt was NOT touching me. if whoevers driving you hits a pothole, your soul WILL exit your body tits-first for a moment. im sorry if you live somewhere like here in nebraska where the roads are garbage but its not gonna be fun.

ONCE YOU’RE HOME!!

- i live at home with my mom and sister and if you live alone, id try to have a friend basically move in for the first week. you will need Help with things. basic things. you’ll mostly want to sleep because of the pain meds but those made me pretty dizzy so it was cool having my mom around in case i like. fell on the way to the bathroom and died or anything like that.

- changing bandages is really kind of a 2-person affair too, and youll have to do it at least once a day post-shower, so keep that in mind. 

- the bleeding is like, not that bad after that first day honestly. i never had to change the bandages more than just the once per day. 

- basically from here the procedure is just to take it easy, get up every few hours and walk around a little to keep the blood clots at bay, and enjoy yr new silhouette basically

- worst thing about recovery honestly? im a stomach/side sleeper, and i cant manage anything other than laying flat on my back with my arms at my sides right now, and thats just like.... idk i really cant sleep like that. its not comfy. ive had to set up kind of a pillow fort around me to keep me from rolling over in my sleep bc im afraid i might hurt myself accidentally like that, but idk how well-founded that fear is.

- i will say as someone who did have back problems before this, the difference is IMMEDIATE. i literally had better posture like Day 1. im still a little hunched over because the stitches create a bit of tension in your chest, but like literally it was instantaneous. god. once i got healed to a point that i could like, kinda relax and not be so fucking tense all the time? back pain has basically just been GONE. 

- other fun things to notice: i had some pretty significant stretch marks before, and now they are running in a completely different direction. i crossed my arms over my chest the other day and they actually touched my torso for the first time in like, well over a decade. if i close my eyes and try to grab my tiddy from muscle memory, i stop like a full 3 inches from where my tit actually starts now. the size i am now, just like, freeballing it? this is how i looked when i wore a binder before. if i wore a binder now i imagine id be completely flat, and honestly if i layer up at this point you cant really tell that i have anything more than the average chubby dude’s moobs, which as a kinda chubby person is totally fine. 

its a trip relearning what i look like and what im supposed to feel like but its just. such a fucking improvement over where i was. absolutely no regrets, regardless of how hard recovery has felt at times. anyway i hope this information is at least interesting and maybe helpful to anybody considering anything similar!!

[onlytaylor]

Seven Minutes in Heaven Drarry (and Seamus is always right)

Eighth year at Hogwarts was intended to be one of educational fulfillment, a chance to finish one’s goal of mastering NEWT level witchcraft and wizardry. What it had become, however, was quite the opposite.

It all started when Hermione made friends with that one Slytherin Pansy Parkinson, and boy what a friendship it was. No one could really place what the two had in common, or what it was that kept them giggling at night, but they were a regular Lavender and Parvati and there was no separating them now.

The increased occurrence of Pansy’s presence had brought about a very sly, coy Blaise Zabini. Ron had refused to acknowledge his placement at their parties (“soirées” according to Pansy) until one day Blaise cracked a joke about Malfoy and- damn- If that didn’t have Ronald Weasley spewing his butter beer. They, too, had become an inseparable duo, and Harry had just about had it (“UP TO HERE” he’d said) because if Pansy was there, and Blaise was there, then Draco most definitely was going to be there. All the goddamn time. And there was no one he still despised more than- well, come to think of it, he really didn’t anymore. At the conclusion of the war, Malfoy had become sort of a gray character in Harry’s life, one who’d shown his condolences and grown quite a bit. They’d shared small conversations here and there, but nothing to speak of. And definitely not anything to make them friends. Malfoy and Potter could never be friends, no. There’d always been something so much deeper than that, whether it was hate, or just a plain abomination that resonated between them. But, whatever it was, it wasn’t friendship. It was fire, and passion, and knowledge, and fury. It struck Harry’s insides like wildfire, like the hot breath of a Hungarian Horntail. No, they would never be friends.

When the eighth year common room lit up that Friday night with the anticipatory mood of another soiree, Harry wasn’t surprised to see the silver trio enter suavely. Seamus was already drunk, and with Dean in tow he marched right up to Malfoy and gave him quite the uncomfortable hug.

“Malfoy! It’s so good to see you. I notice you’ve been hanging around those three pretty often. Anything you wanna tell me?” He gestured toward Harry with a wiggle of his brows and an obnoxious thumbs up that had Dean dragging him away. “Okay, Okay, you’re cut off.”

Harry, who’d already been staring in that general direction (because he hated him being here, that was all) froze with some sort of embarrassment. He expected Malfoy to sneer, or make some rude arse comment to the already pissed Gryffindor, but instead the only shade of emotion he illicited was a hot pink blush that spread across both cheeks. Harry started. He’d never seen Malfoy look so, so... fragile. It was beautiful. Captivating. What?

And then they were all downing shots of Firewhiskey (courtesy of Ron’s newest best friend), and the more inebriated Harry got, the more he found himself pondering the flush of those cheeks. The way his platinum hair accentuated them. The way his sharp features lacked their once pointed edges, and appeared rather... endearing. Like he really regretted following in his father’s foot steps during the war. Like another chance.

And suddenly Harry was thinking about his lips, and how they might taste like that certain kind of redemption that flips the world upside down. And he knew he was drunk, because when had he ever thought about snogging Malfoy? If he was really honest with himself, he’d find that this wasn’t the first time.

And suddenly his stupor was broken by a very self-appeased Pansy Parkinson suggesting that they lock each other in a closet for seven minutes and see what happens. “It’s a muggle game! Hermione told me about it,” she chattered, and Harry noticed Hermione’s cheeks blushing the same way that Draco’s had. What the fuck?

And then coincidentally Ron and Blaise were the first to end up locked away together, and from the suspicious noises coming from behind the door, Harry assumed they’d figured out they were in each other’s company. Was he fucking dreaming?

And then Luna (was she even an eighth year?) ended up with Ginny, and Dean with Seamus, and suddenly drunk Harry was wondering if Pansy was behind these matches or if this was one big coincidence.

When it was his turn to be blindfolded, he entered the closet with a weird sort of anticipation that he was sure he could blame on the whiskey. Why did he care who he ended up with? It’s not like it meant anything... right?

And why was there a small, evil voice in the back of his mind that hoped it would be Malfoy?

When the door opened again to reveal the warmth of another body, and immediately closed behind it, Harry’s breath caught. Who could it be?

“Hello?” He asked dumbly as the figure drew closer. He could feel their presence radiating toward him, being drawn as if by gravity. Since when did drunk Harry become such a goddamn poet? And then the body was beside him, sitting with its back against the wall, and Harry could feel his cheeks heating at the sudden closeness. Similar to the way Malfoy’s had.

Without a word, the foreign person beside him grasped his hand between two of their own. Simultaneously Harry’s heart began to race. Those hands were both mysterious and strangely familiar as they traced small circles around his palm. They were soft and smooth and suddenly Harry’s head was swimming, and he was 99% sure it wasn’t from the alcohol. The next moment brought their face eerily close to Harry’s, so much so that he could feel the smooth tickle of peppermint breath across his face.

And all at once he knew. He didn’t have to touch him. He recognized the proper, clean smell of a Malfoy, and his heart was pounding in his chest. He felt something inside him lurch, like he never wanted this moment to end. Why was he so close? And why did he want him closer?

“I know it’s you.” Harry whispered suddenly as he felt that breath come even closer, hot and heavy against his lips.

“Then why are you still wearing this?” Was the hushed response, and then those soft fingers were untying Pansy’s Slytherin tie from around his head.

The first thing he saw were piercing silver eyes held flush with his own. Why had he never noticed how stunning he was?

“We’re drunk,” Harry said as the world began to sway, reflecting outside what he so desperately felt within.

“I think about you all the time.” Was the response, and Harry felt his stomach lurch. “Ever since you gave me my wand back. And then Pansy and Blaise are all about your friends, and suddenly you didn’t seem so bad anymore. And then I realized that...that...”

Harry was frozen in his current state, unable to form words, let alone sentences. Out of nowhere, his instinct kicked in, took over, and answered what he knew to be hiding all along.

“That we always wanted each other.”

Draco nodded before resting his forehead against Harry’s. And then, out of nowhere, he was laughing.

“God, I never would’ve had the courage to tell you that if I wasn’t completely pissed. I’m no Gryffindor.”

Harry chuckled. “Well, I guess that makes me a poor excuse for one then.”

“You’re right. You should’ve told me sooner. That was your job.”

Harry smiled. “Prat.”

“Git.”

A quick pause, both lips pulled into an understanding smile. And then Harry’s grin widened into something slightly more facetious.

“So... how many minutes do you think we have? Five? Two?”

“Enough,” Draco answered urgently before pressing his lips forcefully upon his own.

Oh, God, they were the perfect balance of forgiveness and pining and secrets and fresh beginnings. They were soft and supple and most definitely not sneering in his direction. Harry’s drunken self pulled closer, no longer denying his innate desire to feel every piece of Malfoy become one with himself. His hands found the back of his neck, gripping the infinity of this moment before parting his lips and inviting Malfoy inside. He was suddenly overtaken by the overwhelming sensation of warm peppermint colliding against his tongue. It was perfection at its finest. It was Draco, and Harry, and a lifetime of desire splayed before them in one solid gesture. It was the future, and everything that was to come once they (literally) would come out of the closet together. It was firewhiskey and sobriety and indulgence. It was...

A room full of eighth years standing in silence, door wide open, observing two idiots snogging in a closet. Pansy wore a smirk; Hermione a knowing smile. Ron’s mouth was dropped into an unpleasant “O,” and Blaise was quietly chuckling at his reaction. They would’ve kept going, completely oblivious to the audience before them, if it weren’t for a stumbling Seamus Finnigan barging through the open doorway.

“SEE, DEAN!? YOU DONT GET TO CUT ME OFF WHEN IM RIGHT!?!?!?”

Drunk Harry didn’t care, and he had a feeling that sober Harry wouldn’t either. They separated with a grin before Draco took Harry’s hand and pulled them into a standing position.

He winked at Harry before turning to the crowd. “Somebody get Seamus a drink. He was right.”

With a hoop and holler from across the group, the soirée continued. It wasn’t long before Draco’s and Harry’s drunken confession inspired the start of several other relationships. By the end of the evening, Blaise and Ron had snuck to the dorm and Pansy and Hermione had locked lips in a deserted corner.

All in all, eighth year was more than just preparing for NEWTS. It seemed that it was educational in all kinds of ways, and at the end of the day, the golden trio had learned more than they would’ve ever expected from the silver trio. And, on top of that, everyone seemed to learn that when Seamus Finnigan was drunk, you should just go ahead and listen.

[modern-oedipus]

Kinda a personal post that is not required to read but just first line is enough

Also I couldn’t get back to much of personal messages today because:

• i threw up in the morning and it shoookth me

• was running on 2 hours sleep

• had 8 hours of continious lecture and barely made it home just now, eaten, and calmed her shit down

•has 3 assingments and 2 quizzes due tomorrow

•did I mention, I can hear my own breath making Z z Z z Z z z Z sounds due to post-asthma hypersensitive body or SOME anNOYING THING that doctors said

• im mentally unwell because someone I love is mentally unwell and I can’t do a thing to help him regardless of my efforts and also i feel quite sad and desperate in general even though I do my best to not just let it go and get in a depresso mood

• so like. Responsibilities piled up, emotionally at my limit, physically sick, but at least not in so much physical pain.

I haven’t let anything go, though! I take care of my sick body regardless, I try to eat healthy, I /am/ doing the responsibilities one by one and making sure I finish them even if it costs me some sleep, I am trying to mentally reassure myself to things and although I haven’t got to write them down yet I planned some 2020 resolutions and cleaning; they have been on my mind for a long while now so if it all goes well I am planning to get a better start at the new year! I think I have done fairly well in 2019, most of my resolutions came to true by my own efforts anyway.

Anyway I didnt have to give a long explanation about why I was like this, I’d just say “I’m unavailable” if I didn’t want to share, but since I know that most of you care about me as friends (and I care about you as friends too, obviously, that’s a two sided thing), I thought those who care may read, just to have somr sort of idea about why Nila is shitposting but not individually replying. Those who don’t care (with no offense in them since no one is obligated to) have long scrolled past this, anyway.

Ihh I’m tired! Mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, I’m tired at all aspects but worse? I objectively don’t think it will get better. But I also objectively know that I hve no choice but to work to make it better because I love my life that I regained after so much hard work and battling with d, I love my family and friends whose days we brighten together, I (sort of) love my scientific research even tho science doesn’t seem to love me, I love the stories I am writing and the newspaper I am managing, I love walking in the soft wind, I love coffee talks and fun dates and hook ups, I love my pets and I love everyone who reached out to me and befriended me here on this account, I love reading/writing comments to the ao3 and reading/writing replies back to them, I love the fandom stuff we organize, I love working out and then having that serotonin boost, I love offering a newly baked recipte to family/friends, I love casual hook ups and if and when I’m in a relationship (my last rl lasted 3 years sooo... rip.. that was most of my life) I do love loving and being loved in return, I mean, I even love doing laundry like it is such a nice feeling to put all dirt in a machine and then take it back perfectly clean and cozy and nicely smelling, like idk, because of all these things (and more that I forgot to add) I can’t give up from my life and I can’t stop fighting for it to be better. I can’t give up from myself or my loved ones. There is so much to live for.

P.S. I also low key live for the days Given, To Die For, the “photographer Ray” au whose name I forgot, and the teacher/student norray fics ( ;) ) gets updated. I mean I’m sure I’m reading many more fics but these are the stuff I have been looking forward to ever since August or something and just knowing that one day I /MAY/ read a chapter of them sometimes make me motivated enough to go through a day. Also spaceomania’s (damn did I spell that right?! I’m absolutely NOT tagging anyone to this long ass post, don’t want them to go trouble reading it aLL) comments like I’m sure they made not just me but many other authors write a lot more happily than they normally would, oh I also live for Ardency but I am too scared to read it because itnis eNDING so I will procrastinate it, but like, yes.

I have reasons to keep going, I have reasons to stay strong. I may not be feeling my best now and my problems may not be fixed overnight but I have no choice but to have faith in myself & people I love & things I believe in (now, “believe” sounds so non-scientific but that’s subject for another day), so, I’ll go on.

I usually don’t like opening up about suicide or depression since I just think that’s way too personal to talk about (I still havent declared why it happened and I dont think Iw anna talk about it anyway), but, in case someone with suicidal tendencies is reading this (first of all congrats for coming thru this essay idk what kept you here but you’re amazing), just, remember that a year ago I was at where you are and, well, THIS is my mindset now. I am not telling you to compare your journey with mine or anyone else’s. I am just proving you that a way out of that dark tunnel is perfectly possible for you and even if my current situation may not be ideal (to be honest, is there even an ideal life? Problems will always exist), I’m gratefulthat I have got enough reasons to fight for. Sure, my energy still drains sometimes (hence why regular text talk with Nila is difficult. No she doesnt have adhd or anything. She has a fairly good attention span. She just lacks the friggin energy), but I restore it before it gets out of hand. Stuff like that. It’s possible, not for just me, but for you and for everyone. I’m not a publicly-spoken-social-norm-warrior or anything but I will always stand up for anyone who is feeling suicidal tendencies because no—

As someone who went through that, just, no.

Don’t.

Let’s make 2020 better.

*and here my friends, you went through a good representation of what it is like to be in my brain changing 485858 subjects. Anyway NOW that I let ut out I need to do my assignment. I want to reply back to you insividually bevause texting you all makes me feel warm and happy and i also wanna check on you but i need ti restrore my enrgy (i actually tried texting whdn my mood was low and I think I frightened some people over sudden agression so I’d rather text you wisely than text you randomly), so, see you all soon!

I know it is not just me going through shit in her life. So, know that I’m cheering for you and I am always in for friends bringing best of each other, so if you really read this far go do the thing you procrastinate!! Bud!! Go do it!! It’ll feel better!

What a conclusion tho

[princeandreis]

coffee grounds (part 5/?)

word count: 980

warnings: ANGST!!!!!!!!!!!

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4

Weeks passed, and Gavin came to meet you at Common Grounds several more times. He’d started to text you fairly often, which was gratifying. It seemed like he really liked you. You weren’t quite sure of your feelings for him yet, so you tried to take things slow with him. Only a few days into this not-a-relationship, as Gavin was sitting in his usual spot next to you on the couch, he looked like he wanted to take your hand. Nervous, you reached for your drink and held it subtly in both hands. To some people it might not be a big deal, but to you, hand-holding meant feelings, and feelings meant a relationship, and a relationship meant commitment. Commitment you just weren’t ready for.

A few non-dates after that one, Gavin turned and sat cross-legged toward you on the couch. “Can I ask you something?”

“What’s up?” you asked, typing out an assignment on your laptop.

“Do you wanna go somewhere? Like, on a real date? Somewhere that’s not a coffee shop?”

You considered this. A date might not be so bad. It wasn’t wrong to go on a casual date with someone, right? People experiment and try new things all the time, you told yourself. This isn’t any different, I’m just trying a different way of dating.

“Why not?”

Gavin smiled. “Awesome.”

So after a few weeks of hanging out with this friendly coffee shop regular, you found yourself putting on a dress, making sure you smelled okay, and heading out to meet Gavin at a local sit-down restaurant. He’d offered to pick you up, but you’d declined, thinking to yourself that that was too much like what a boyfriend would do. Gavin was not your boyfriend. Maybe he thought of himself that way, but as far as you were concerned, you and Gavin were just seeing where things would go.

It had now been over a month since you’d last been to your old coffee shop. You wouldn’t admit it to yourself, but there were still some things you missed about it that Common Grounds just would never have. Maybe there were no barista complications at your new haunt, but maybe you liked complications. Maybe complications could be… fun.

You spent most of dinner nodding and “mhm”ing as Gavin recounted a funny thing that happened with his professor yesterday. He hadn’t done anything wrong so far, and in fact was a perfect gentleman, but it felt somehow different being somewhere with him besides a coffee shop. It was more… formal. More defined. In some way, you thought, maybe you were uncomfortable letting Gavin put in more time and effort than a $4 coffee and conversation.

After the bill was paid (you insisted that you pay for your own meal), you and your date left the restaurant and headed down the street. This was a nice area of town to walk around in the evening, with lots of odd little shops and sidewalk cafes and street musicians crooning softly on their saxophones and violas. The street lamps glowed orange in the falling dusk, and the air had begun to chill a little, just enough to make you shiver.

Gavin noticed immediately and gave you a look of consternation. “Do you want my jacket, [Y/N]?”

“Oh, no, no, I—”

“No, please, I insist, you’re freezing.”

“Really, it’s okay, I’m not that—”

“Hey, it’s fine. Just let me be a gentleman.”

You could tell it was useless arguing, so you allowed Gavin to place his coat around your shoulders. But instead of making you warmer, your stomach grew cold at his intimate gesture. Things were moving too fast. You walked on uneasily.

After a few moments’ silence, Gavin began to chat away again, asking you questions about your professors and your classes and your family and your childhood and your pets and your friends back home, while you gave thoughtless answers, your mind occupied elsewhere.

You asked Gavin suddenly, “You like coffee, right?”

He laughed, assuming you were making some kind of joke. “Uh, yeah, who doesn’t?”

You could think of at least one answer to that question.

“Never mind, I… forget it.”

He started to respond, but broke off when he saw the tired look on your face. Then, for a moment, everything stopped.

Coming up the street was none other than Racetrack Higgins, his blond hair tousled, a scarf flung loosely around his neck, looking for all the world like an angel in street clothes and Converse.

You felt your heart crawl into your throat. You couldn’t see him again. Not now. Not here. Not with him. You spun around, grabbing Gavin’s arm and trying to go back the way you’d come. “We’ve gotta go.”

“Woah, woah, woah,” said Gavin, grinning at you, “what about that gelato place I was telling you about? Moroso’s? Didn’t you say you wanted to go there?”

“Yeah, that’s fine, but we just have to go. There’s someone I really don’t want to talk to—”

“That’s crazy. Whoever it is, I’m here. Don’t worry, it’s fine, [Y/N]. Things get better when you talk to people you don’t want to talk to, even if it’s hard. A lot of times you and the other person just misunderstood each other.”

You were still tugging on his arm, trying to get him to move. “Yeah, that’s great, Gavin, but I really, really can’t talk to this person right now, you don’t really understa—”

“[Y/N]?” a new voice said.

While you’d been trying to drag Gavin back up the street, Race had come up behind you two where you were stopped on the sidewalk and finally seen your face.

“[Y/N]?” he repeated, his expression a mixture of surprise, confusion, and something else you couldn’t identify. Something… softer. His eyes shone in the light of the street lamps.

“[Y/N], who is this?”

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