#i really do love rowena and crowley

[shallowseeker]

Rowena & Crowley back the wrong horse, over and over and over...

Everyone remembers Rowena's tragic clinging to Lucifer in season 11, and how it ended up for her. Upon learning she's the only one that can put him back in the cage, Lucifer pragmatically snaps her neck--a form of cold, indifferent insurance:

Ah, the tragedy of Rowena's desire to have security. Rowena wanted to be loved and protected by Fergus's father. She wanted to be appreciated and protected by Lucifer.

Crowley remarks that she's always looking for the biggest, baddest beast in the room to hide behind.

///

In 11x23 Alpha and Omega, we see Rowena cozying up to her newest target, Chuck:

ROWENA: [Crowley mocks her as she speaks] Charles, I'll put the kettle on. My mom always said, there's nothing a nice wee cup of tea can't fix.

...

CROWLEY: It's what she does. Find someone with power...cozies up...digs the claws in. [As he’s talking, Crowley walks over to a cabinet, opens a door and takes out a bottle of Craig] CHUCK: Hmm. Yeah, well, I'm not helping anyone right now, obviously. She's been...nice. CROWLEY: For now.

Funny sidenote: As Rowena moves in on Chuck, getting sweet on him, she starts calling him "Charles," a little nugget for how she'll later call Sam "Samuel," and Cas, "Hello, Castiel."

///

Ahem. Anyway. The thing is, that yes, Rowena totally does this. We can't really blame her when we look at the tragic happenstances of her life. During the course of the series, we see her make numerous moves to gain favor will powerful beings:

SEASON 10

We see her volleying to make Crowley sit upon a stronger, more secure throne.

SEASON 11

We see her cozying up to Lucifer and getting killed for her trouble.

Next, we see her coming back from the dead to move in on Amara.

She's kind of playing both sides, but she gets sweet on Amara here: "Oh, I can be useful...And even if it is born out of my own self-interest, I-- I care about you. I'm someone you can talk with. Confide in. Have you... have you ever had that? Oh, you don't have to be (alone), darlin'!" 

Then, as I mentioned above, she cozies up to Chuck, and Crowley snarls many a nasty word about her.

SEASON 12

We find Rowena trying to date rich men and lying about her background, painting herself as a posh, well-to-do ballerina.

In an abrupt about-face to insulting Cas (she called him a fish in season 10), we see that Rowena has flipped on her appraisal of him.

Now, Castiel is super hot. He's "the handsome, strong angel," an ideal partner/protector. So, she hits on him. A lot.

Despite her memory of "Cas's face" as Lucifer snapped her neck, her dogged attraction to Cas blooms sometime in season 12.

Perhaps, it's when she and Cas and Fergus are hunting Lucifer together.

(In the same time frame, Crowley is also hanging off Cas's arm, keeping him company, trying to be oddly "cutesy," singing in the car, etc. It's...hilarious. You get the mental picture of them both trying their hardest to get his attention.)

SEASON 13

Season 13 brings us her library tryst with Gabriel.

She says she's motivated by trying to heal his wounded virility/grace/pride, but it's at least partially about his status as an archangel.

And of course, there's security in Sam(uel), but it's all twisted up with him being her executioner, not just her protector.

But in being her "destiny," he also functions as her security. It's very complex. (And kinda sexy.)

SEASON 14

Rowena will hit on Cas as later as season 14's Ouroboros, saying his full name in a similar coo to how she says, "Charles and Samuel." -> "Hello, Castiel."

Castiel, for his part, tends to be a little flustered by her, straightening up and saying, "Hello," back.

SEASON 15

Finally, in season 15, somewhat hilariously, Rowena moves in on Arthur Ketch.

But it's a little different this time, reflecting a more confident, in-control, and emotionally integrated Rowena.

She seems to be genuinely interested in him for his wry, science-loving personality. They banter.

She and Ketch mutually harass Dean for details about the other, like schoolyard crushes.

They had a battle connection in the past, have fought together and helped one another re: resurrection spells, but it is only now that they’re healthy and healed that they can actually see each other.

Rowena throws Dean a breathless, thankful look when he saves Ketch (for her).

She’s reformed, Ketch is reformed. It’s heartbreaking just how excited she is about him. He instills a her hope in her, for the future. (But he won’t sell out his friends. He dies. She won’t let the world die, so she dies, too.)

///

But Crowley does the same friggin' thing, doesn't he? He is so her child, a tragic mini-Rowena, despite his efforts to look like a big, bad Hell-king. 💔

SEASON 5

When we meet him, we see him backing the Winchesters re:the Colt.

In his early appearance, he does this because he thinks Lucifer is going to wipe out demon-kind.

That gamble goes okay for Crowley, mostly.

SEASON 6

Sometime in this timeframe, he is given the role of Hell-king as a consolation prize, by Ramiel, prince of Hell, who honestly doesn't give a fuck.

In season 6, Crowley backs Castiel. Cas's got magnetism and sex appeal.

As the original "angel's angel" in Heaven, he's a strong frontrunner in Heaven's Civil War simply by popularity alone. So, Cas is the horse Crowley decides to bet on.

Then, Cas turns out to be duplicitous, cunning, and too devoted to his human family to be controlled. He’s way more than Crowley can handle.

There are glimmers of this power imbalance, when Cas on occasion has had enough of Crowley's innuendo-laden threats, like when Cas snaps and crushes him into a wall, for example. But on the whole, Crowley ignores this. It's his tragic hubris.

Eventually, Cas overwhelms him and seizes power, and the whole thing turns out to be a frightening blow to his position.

So, Crowley goes running to the brother Raphael, which is another bad gamble. Castiel straight-up kills him, and Crowley is forced to flee and go into hiding.

SEASON 7-8

In seasons 7-8, Crowley vies for control of the prophet Kevin, torturing and killing those around him.

He makes sure to kill Meg, who is in his mind a Lucifer loyalist (she's actually a Castiel loyalist at this point, but the Lucifer label sticks).

SEASON 9

In season 9, Crowley manipulates a series of events to allow him to dangle Dean to Cain in a bid to transform Dean and destroy Abbadon, the newest threat to his position.

(Crowley won't suggest taking the mark on his own; he won't risk his own neck.) Afterwards, he scoops “demon” roofied Dean up, like spoils of war, a dark parallel to the pimp-demon in Girls, Girls, Girls (and Randy).

SEASON 10

In season 10, this bites him in the ass, too.

Demon Dean proves too much to handle, a liability on the job, as he refuses to perform the cold, capitalistic mercenary duties of Hell.

"The little prat’s bad for business. He’s uncontrollable. Must be the Mark."

In a scene similar to Cas crunching Crowley into a wall, Dean too throws Crowley down. Demon Dean will not be cowed by Crowley, and he will not be a sidekick, little bitch, or Queen to be "controlled."

So, Crowley goes running to the brother, Sam. He “sells him out" to Sam.

And then Crowley goes running to revive Castiel again, to deal Dean. Dean is now a problem (the problem-that-solved-his-original-Abbadon-problem).

And around and around Crowley goes.

Despite everything, Crowley softens to Dean. Crowley's a little bit human now, and it shows. As he softens, his mother appears, making things much more complicated.

SEASON 11

Crowley tries to muster up the glory of his former evil self--he kills a bunch of poly/queer swingers for no real reason.

Then, Crowley sees a new opportunity to sway a powerful being, and we get Crowley unsuccessfully trying to mold Amara as his newest weapon of mass destruction.

Like with Demon Dean, he strikes fast to scoop her up when she's “vulnerable” and "new,” to get her under his sphere of influence.

Then, it goes badly, as this always does for Crowley. Amara breaks “Uncle Crowley's”arm and runs away.

In this season, Crowley goes to bat for Cas again, trying to detach him from Lucifer and screeching angrily at Cas as Lucifer beats Crowley up.

In fact, in that brief moment before Crowley even goes to bat, he's actually smiling at Dean and Cas as they reunite, as Dean says, “Cas, we don't have a whole lot of time, okay?"

Crowley is a softie. Cas is his kinda-friend, and Crowley wants Dean to be happy. Crowley's changed.

At the end of the season, we briefly see Crowley complaining about Rowena cozying up to Chuck, while he moves to cozy up to Billie. (Really, Crowley? Stop doing the thing that gets you burned, man.)

SEASON 12

Enter season 12, and Crowley works with his mom again. He and Rowena form an uneasy alliance, and both begin to see family in a slightly new light.

They trust each other a little more, and they hurt each other to try and solve their mutual pain re: Oskar and Gavin.

Hilariously, they both start seeing Castiel in a fresh light this season. It's like, in watching his devotion and chivalry to his family, and as their understanding of family shifts, they've mutually decided that he's dependable and thus desireable. (The "blue-collar, family-oriented soldier.")

So yeah, season 12 finds Crowley cozying up to Castiel again in order to lock away Lucfier--with Crowley being overly friendly and flirty and sing-songy to the point that Cas just might bash his own head in.

(In this same timeframe, Rowena warms to Cas, so you have this implication that they're both hanging off his arms adoringly, and he is tired as fuck of dealing with them. I'm sure Cas's tendency to get a little flustered and sweet with Rowena is something that would drive Crowley insane on multiple levels.)

Crowley even risks his life for Cas against Vince!Lucifer. (He wants Cas to be his friend so badly in this era, oof.)

Then, he saves Cas against Ramiel, thanks in large part to his bond with Dean, and Dean thanks him for it.

Crowley, like Rowena, will take any form love. Any friendship. Any comradery. Even scraps. They've got the same neurosis.

Anyway, in season 12 we also have the team-up of the century, where Crowley works with Rowena to send Lucifer back to the cage. Victory!

And Crowley has another fatal misstep. His last one ever, perhaps. He thinks, yet again, that he can outsmart another overpowered beast in order to buy his own security.

And so, he locks Lucifer in Nick's body, Ma'lak box-like, and tries to out-bark and out-dominate him.

Horribly, Lucifer doesn't even appear that threatened or upset. Even when he's being humiliated, the demons under Crowley flock to Lucifer. (It's not fair!)

Lucifer seems quietly amused, like he's waiting for his moment to strike, just as Cas behaved in season 6, quietly tolerating Crowley's goading because he was not actually threatened by him.

(Crowley is no Azazel or Dagon or Ramiel or even Asmodeus.)

And it's fatal. It goes badly. Crowley's gleeful crowing of brains-versus-brawn blows up in his face.

He escapes by the skin of his teeth, and goes running, tail tucked, to tell the Winchesters what he's wrought.

Sam and Dean are horrified, realizing that Jack, Kelly, and Cas are in danger, and so they speed towards them in hopes of warning them in time.

Crowley seems a little hysterical and fatalistic, deciding to back the Winchesters one last time, because, "life is meaningless," and "what's the point of it all."

Crowley lost everything for a job he hated, so he commits suicide, because he's tired and worn down.

He has become like Raphael, "we just want it to be over."

Crowley falls to nihilism.

And Rowena despairs. 💔💔💔

/////////////////////////////////

(Text Attributions// Supernatural scripts here via @spnscripthunt. Transcripts are located here via SPNWiki. Visit their Tumblr to donate.)

[flugame-mp3]

SEASON NINE FINALE WAS WILD. I HAVE MANY MANY THOUGHTS. WHAT JUST HAPPENED. A FUCKING ROLLER COASTER FOR SURE

[imaginaryprotagonist]

To those who think Supernatural should have ended in season 5, do you really, REALLY know what you're missing? That's a world without Charlie! One without Donna. No Rowena. No Jack. No Kevin, and more importantly, no Linda. No Eileen. NO BENNY OR GARTH! No Jody's home for wayward girls who kick fucking ass. You are missing Cas and Crowleys' buddy comedy. And Casifer. French Mistake? Nope, that's season 6 ma guy. No human Cas. No demon Dean. No soulless Sam. No Crowley shouting how he deserves to be loved. NO LILY SUNDER HAS SOME REGRETS. Am I saying that every season and episode is quality television? Absolutely not. But there are so many things to appreciate post-season 5.

[420technoblazeit]

like im not actually all that interested in debating whether john or rowena were worse parents. bc it kind of just comes down to viewer interpretation. we dont get a lot of details about crowley's childhood and sam and dean are both unreliable narrators who vary greatly in their opinions on john. this isn't a debate that has a single concrete answer

but i do think it's important to acknowledge that john legitimately thought that what he was doing was best for sam and dean. he was overrun with guilt and paranoia and he thought that raising them to be hunters would protect them. that doesn't change what he did but it provides context for his actions. and part of the tragedy of his character is that in season 1 when he says that they can just be a happy family again and live normal lives after azazel's dead he seems to actually believe it. john isn't aware of the damage he's done until the end of season 1 and that realization was a huge factor in his decision to sell his soul to save dean's life

rowena on the other hand was intentionally abusive towards crowley so she wouldn't grow to love him. she says that herself under the witchcatcher's influence in season 11, she grew spiteful and bitter and took it out on him and then left when the going got tough. the fact that crowley remembers how much she hated him speaks to the fact that she made it really clear that he was unloved and unwanted in all 8 years that she spent raising him. the way she acts when she reunites with him is also a really good indicator of this because she immediately starts manipulating him and seems to be really comfortable with downplaying her actions and pretending that she cared about him all along

[river13245]

They React To You Being Asexual

Dean, Sam, Castiel, Crowley, Rowena, Lucifer

(this is going to be a thing that I do regularly so request)

Dean Winchester

The both of you have been dating for almost a month now. You weren't oblivious to the fact that Dean was a very touchy guy. He would go to bars and pick up women all the time before you came around. Maybe that's why you had a pit in your stomach. You go to dean who was in the main room of the bunker and ask dean if you could talk to him in private.

He gets up and walks into your guys's room. "what's going on. Something happen?" he asks and you shake your head. "no not yet. Uh I just thought I should tell you something" He sits down on the bed and looks at you. :alright what's going on?" you take a deep breath in and speak all in one breath "Im asexual. I know that you like sex which is not a fault but I just know i'm not going to be able to give that to you"

He asks you to explain it to him and when you do he nods and its quiet for a moment before he speaks. "babe this isn't going to change anything between us. You don't want sex. that's fine i can take care of myself if i need to. Don't feel bad" when you sit beside him hs places his hand on your thigh and you rest your head on his shoulder.

Sam winchester

Your boyfriend was sitting on the bed reading when you entered the room. He looked so nice in the sweatshirt and sweatpants he was wearing. You were taking a moment to think about how you wanted to tell him that you were asexual.

Sam had never once made you feel as if you had to do anything you didn't want to do. If anything he was always cautious for first moves. your first kiss he leaned in slowly, making you close the gap. He also never really asked or initiated for the both of you to go any further beyond just kissing and cuddling. You had a feeling he knew which made you less nervous. "whets going on in that head of yours" he asks as he looks over at you.

You sit onto the bed beside him. "there's something I need to tell you" he puts his book down to give you his full attention before nodding. You take a breath before saying calmly "i'm asexual. I don't ever want to have sex with you. I should have told you sooner and i'm so sorry I didnt i was just waiting for the right time an-" You stop speaking because sam has placed both of his hands on the sides of your face and kisses your lips. "its okay honey, I have had a feeling that you might be and I still love you either way. Plus i have a lower sex drive than most people so you dont have to worry with me okay?" You nod and you cuddle up against him as he reads a little while longer.

Castiel

You were sitting on your bed just thinking about how you were to tell your boyfriend that you were asexual. Your boyfriend had never really said anything about wanting sex or anything like that but it still made you nervous. You knew Castiel wouldn't break up with you because of it. So once you calmed yourself down a bit you prayed for him. "castiel I need to speak with you"

Wasnt even 2 minutes later and hes standing in front of you. "Theres something on your mind?" he asks and you nod. "yes there is. I just needed to tell you that if we are going to continue our relationship..there will be no sexual acts. Kissing and everything is fine but just not sex."

He looks at you for a moment before he takes your hand in his "That is perfectly fine. Angels dont need to have sex." you lean in and kiss his cheek and hug him

Crowley

Crowley had been in one of his moods today. Your boyfriend was a very moody person. One thing could piss him off so because of this you were not looking forward to telling him about the fact that you are asexual. In fact you were thinking about not telling him. Not for a while anyways.

However when he walked into the room he could see the way you didnt come up to him to welcome him back like you always did. So he crossed his arms and looked at you. "what" you asked as you looked up at him. "What is going on? You arent acting normal" this caused you to roll your eyes at him. "when have I ever been normal" he shrugs but doesn't say anything else which makes you sigh.

You laid down onto the big bed you two shared. "Crowley I am asexual. That's why I haven't made a move to do anything more than kissing" He uncrossed his arms and lays down beside you. "really that's what's got you so weird?" nodding in response he rolls his eyes. "I'm a demon and have lived much longer than you have. You being asexual is the least of my problems. I want to be with you either way"

Rowena

Rowena was doing some of her witchy stuff looking beautiful while she focused. You knew you shouldn't interrupt her but this was eating you alive. Your friends had been talking about their partners and how they were great in bed and everything else. You loved your friends of course but its started to eat away at you. That you couldnt and wouldnt give that to Rowena.

She was a woman and many women want that part of the relationship. That kind if intimacy and you were feeling awful about it. Rowena deserved an explanation so before you could talk yourself out of it you walked up to the table and took a seat. "Rowena Love" She looked up at you and when she noticed how you looked she stopped what she was doing. "what's wrong dear"

You let out a long sigh before explaining to her about what you and your friends were talking about and then you pause for a moment before speaking again. "I know that you probably want that and I cant give it to you. How could you possibly be happy like this" She places both her hands on the sides of your cheeks and kisses your forehead then your lips. "I am happy with you. There has not been a moment where I doubted us or my feelings for you. You are the one that I want to be with for the rest of our time here" She pulls you into a soft hug

Lucifer

You had just walked back into your home and Your partner was sitting on his chair that he had claimed as like his "throne". He had been talking to a few other demons that worked for him and so you tried to walk quickly past them but he made you stop. "where do you think your going?" he wasn't angry he was just confused because you usually greet him when you come back home. You look at him "i'm going to our bedroom"

He could tell by the tone of your voice and your body language that something was wrong. So he quickly made the demons leave before turning to look back at you. "come here" you walked closer to him and he looked at you sitting up more on his chair. "what happened while you were out?" He was very protective over you and it was written all over his face. You knew he was going to find out anyways so you begin to tell him.

You tell him about how your friends were asking about how you and your boyfriend was. Asking how the sex is going etc etc. Lucifer nodded and was actually letting you finish speaking. "when I told them that. We don't have sex because i'm asexual they started judging me and everything." He almost speaks up but you cut him off "why do you stay with me. Lucifer I know that you have had many demons and even other angels in your bed before. Why stay with the one who cant give you what you need"

Lucifer looks at you as if you just said something in a language he didn't understand. He uses his power to bring you closer to him and then he stops and holds his arms out for you. Silently telling you to sit with him and so you do. You sit on his lap and rest your head on his shoulder. "I may have had others share a bed with me. But none of them have had such a emotional hold on me before. You are the one that i fell in love with. Don't ever doubt me or my feelings towards you." he says the last part with such a serious tone and all you can do is nod and let him hold you.

[scoobydoodean]

it's SO funny how crowley latches onto dean even tho sam is the one he feels "sentimental" about. bro was like. oh wow the human blood made me think i was in love with u or some shit, embarrassing. is your brother single? and i think that's why sam hates him

One thing I am noticing about Sam is that he is very anti-demon after season 4, which is understandable. We see this most strongly with Crowley in season 5, but it's not just Crowley—it's Meg too. And Sam and Dean also have many other reasons to hate Meg. But like Sam comments twice about how wary he is about them working with Meg in season 7, even if her only role is to keep watch over Cas at the hospital because they have no other options.

SAM I don't know. I mean, we can't just leave him. DEAN Well, we can't bring him with us. Everything on the planet's out for us, okay? Word gets out, we can't protect him. Not really. This is safer. Every demon who knows about Cas is dead. SAM Not everyone. Look, Dean, this whole "enemy of my enemy is my friend" thing feels kind of like a demon deal. DEAN It's not a deal. It's – SAM It's what? DEAN Mutually assured destruction. Look, man, I get it. She's not our friend. We don't even have friends. All our friends are dead.

It's funny because people often perceive Dean as this very dogmatic figure who can't handle the idea of working with demons and hates Ruby just because she's a demon, but he is the first person to trust a demon (the often forgotten Casey from 3.04). He never trusted Ruby, but he saved her bacon twice (3.09 and 3.10) because he actually does understand the concept "the enemy of my enemy is my friend". He shows this again with Crowley in 5.20 (an episode titled "The Devil You Know" which is rather pointed). Sam doesn't trust Crowley one iota. He tried to kill Crowley in 5.10 right after Crowley gave them the colt, and I actually think that interaction is what makes Dean decide Crowley can be trusted as an ally against the devil. In 5.20, Dean decides Crowley is on their side and agrees to go with him on a solo mission without Sam (because Crowley does not trust Sam not to shoot him) and Sam is so upset about it he vents to Bobby on the phone lol. (To Dean's credit, when Crowley tries to convince Dean to keep the Brady secret from Sam under the suspicion that Sam will fly off the handle, Dean refuses to lie to his brother).

But yeah I mean joking about Deancrowley aside, Sam has a strong distrust of demons post season 4 and has hated Crowley from day one. He 100% connects him with Ruby, and I don't know that his general distrust of demons or his hatred for Crowley in particular ever truly goes away. I mean I think there's a reason season 13 Dean only dares mention losing Crowley in a private prayer to god while shouting to the roof tops over Cas when it's made clear to him that Sam wants to ignore his death. I think Sam's probably at least a little resentful that Dean seems to be pretty good at figuring out when he can and can't trust a demon not to backstab them. Add the "summer of love" and Crowley's gloating about it and the resentment just builds and builds. Rowena didn't need to do any convincing to get Sam to kill Crowley for her lmao.

[angelsdean]

Been thinking abt the finale + potential reboot plotlines and I've really come to the conclusion that TO ME the last thing we actually see from Dean's POV in the finale is him getting into the Impala to drive. Which then segways into the plot of The Winchesters and all the universe hopping and evading Jack / God to stay out of Heaven (and searching for Someone).

The brothers meeting on the bridge however is Sam's POV and crucially Sam is....not actually in heaven. He's still on earth, still the same age he was when Dean dies, and he's stuck in a dream state. Which is why his whole life flashes like a blurry montage. This is a djinn-dream-esque scenario (he did Not cope well with Dean's death) or a Chuck won / Jack corrupted by the god power purposely putting him in a dream state to get him off the playing board, either way, he's dreaming but not actually dead. Which ties into how the other characters still on earth like Jody, Garth, Donna, etc will eventually find him and realize Something Is Up. Also I think it would be pretty sweet if Sleeping Beauty Sam gets woken up by Rowena for a full circle parallel moment with their arcs, how Sam was meant to kill Rowena and cast her down to Hell and now Rowena is the one to break the curse and essentially bring him back to "life" and out of the fake Heaven in his mind.

Meanwhile, Dean is still out there on the run, universe hopping and searching for a certain portal. He eventually crashes the Impala into the Empty (actually in the cold opening of the reboot, bc we got a Lot to get through, we are Starting with the Empty Rescue). And he finds the Empty in chaos. Since everyone is awake, Cas and Billie have formed an alliance and are leading a rebellion. Lots of familiar faces of dead angels and demons. Dean ends up being less a knight in shining armor and more the getaway driver (the magic tardis Impala can open portals for them). Dean, being dead, also can finally glimpse at Cas's trueform and oh boy. He falls even more in love, if that's even possible. (And horny. He saw tentacles.)

They make their escape, along with other angels and demon allies, (Crowley, welcome back!) And then....they have the rest of the season for other plot shenanigans. Rescuing Jack from the god power, saving Sam, universe hopping and fighting more Chuck fail-safes, and of course, destiel things<3 Pale coconuts will collide. Passionately. Multiple times. In my reboot at least.

This also all works perfectly with 1.) Jared saying he doesn't want to do a long reboot season, that's ok dude! You can be asleep for half of it! 2.) Misha not wanting Cas to be sidelined to the Empty for most of it and just be "rescued" as the main plot and 3.) Jensen's continual desire to be Dean again for as long as they'll let him

[watchandread02]

For the "Holidays with the Winchesters: A very Destiel Christmas Advent Calendar" by @archervale and @wormstacheangel

Day Seven: Stocking Stuffers

Dean sneaks along the corridor clutching the stack of letters in his hands tightly. Moving past the Christmas tree, which is giving off the only light that’s guiding his way. Making sure no one is around, he moves into the Bunkers library, where they have hung up a string with stockings. They are filled with sweets, nuts and oranges already. He makes sure that no one is watching before putting the appropriately addressed letters to the corresponding stocking. Taking one last look at all the stockings, which seem way too many for him. How is it that they know that many people? The Bunker is currently filled with people in preparation of the holiday. Eileen, Sam and Jack are here, of course. But also Jody, Donna, Claire, Kaia, Alex and Patience have come up a few days before and are staying through to the beginning of the new year. And even Kevin, Gabe, Charlie, Benny, Bobby, Ellen and Jo have come to join them for a few days. Garth and his family arrived yesterday as well and Crowley and Rowena are sure to pop in tomorrow as well. So yeah the Bunker is pretty crowded and he wrote a lot of letters in the past few weeks, but he had to do this. For him. Because of him.

Having put all the letters in the stockings he puts the one addressed to him onto the table and moves up the stairs towards the door. Looking back one last time, he goes to the garage. He gets into one of the trucks he had made sure was ready to go, over the last few days.

And starting the engine, drives off into the night.

————

Sam is awoken by someone shaking him and screaming in excitement “Wake up!”

He blarely opens his eyes to find Jack standing over his and Eileen’s bed.

“It’s Christmas morning! Time for presents! The girls are waking up the others, so we can start as soon as possible.” Jack exclaims while practically vibrating in place.

Glancing at the clock and seeing it’s just after 6, Sam replies “We’ll be out in five minutes. Okay?”

“Okay!” Jack says, already running out the door. Probably headed towards the library where the tree is set up.

Turning to his left, Sam finds Eileen already looking at him. They sign ‘Merry Christmas’ to each other before Sam pulls her into a gentle kiss. They get up and head towards the library. They are dressed in their Christmas pajamas, that Jack had insisted they all wear.

What they find in the library is not what he had imagined. Everyone, but Dean has already made it, it seems. But Instead of a joyous atmosphere they are met with apprehension.

“What’s going on?” Sam asks.

“Dean’s missing.” Claire says, “I went to wake him up, but he wasn’t in his room. We already checked in the kitchen and the bathroom, he isn’t there as well. And I don’t think he would go milling around the Bunker at this moment. He also left his phone and keys in his room.”

“Why would Dean leave now? Nothing’s going to be open at this time and he also would have taken Baby if he left or at least left a note, right?” Jack asks with a worried look on his face.

Gabriel speaks up from where he was already pulling the candy out of his stocking, “I think Dean wrote all of us letters. Maybe that will tell us where he went?”

They all exchange worried glances before moving towards their respective stockings and pulling out the letters Dean wrote them.

————

Sam’s letter:

Heya Sammy,

I know you are wondering why I wrote you and everyone else letters.

I guess I just realized that I never really tell anyone how I feel about them. And I’m realizing that a big part of that comes from how Dad raised us, or more specifically me, I guess. Since you never seem to have any problems sharing your feelings. At least you were smart enough to tell Eileen you love her, before it was too late. You were always the smarter one out of the two of us.

I should have told you this years ago. And sometimes I think you kind of suspected it, but there was always a little, or pretty big, part (that sounds suspiciously like Dad) that was afraid you would react badly. But anyway. I am bisexual. There I said it, or wrote it, or whatever.

Why am I telling you this at all? Well it has to do with why I am writing these letters. I should have told you and Jack and everyone else as soon as it happened and they were back, but I couldn’t help feeling that it would make what happened more real, that Cas would be truly gone once I told everyone how it happened. I mean I told you the idiot sacrificed himself for me. He did it by summoning the Empty. Apparently he had made a deal to save Jack, like I already said, self-sacrificing idiot. The Empty would come for him, when he felt happiest. And Billy was after us. So we locked ourselves in the Dungeon, but we both knew it wouldn’t take long before she would get through. So he summed the Empty. To save me.

He told me he loved me, Sammy. And that I am not just a tool and killer. He was happiest by just making me feel loved and appreciated. I wasn’t even able to. I couldn’t say it back, Sam. Not at that moment. I was too shocked. And then the Empty took him and Billy, before I could really react and understand what was going on. I should have said it back. Pulled him into a hug and told him that he’s family and one of the most important people in my life. But I was too slow. And I’ve been miserable the last few weeks cause I’ll never be able to tell him. I’m never gonna be able to or make sure he knows that we - that I appreciate everything he has done for us over the years.

What I’m actually trying to say is, that I love you. Even though you can be a real pain in my ass sometimes. And you are probably right about me eating too unhealthy, like the smartass you’ve always been. But I’m so proud of you Sammy. And sometimes I’m really sorry that I pulled you away from Jessica and law school and the perfect apple pie life you could have had. And if I’m being completely honest I did mostly for myself, cause I was scared. Dad had been gone for a while and normally he would have at least checked in, it wasn’t unusual at that point for us to go a while without seeing each other. And I just wanted to see you again. To just have something familiar - other than Baby, of course - with me. And sometimes I hate myself that I pulled you back in again. But I also realize that I would probably have died a lot sooner, if it hadn’t been for you. So thanks for that as well. You’ve been the most constant thing in my life and for that I am so very grateful. Even if we have died on each other a few times. I guess even death can’t keep us from each other. I am so happy that you have found an amazing girl in Eileen. And I know that you’re gonna have an amazing future together. You are an awesome person and you deserve every bit of good that’s happened in the last few weeks. I mean we’ve both been through some really weird and shitty times - including multiple apocalypse’s. Our lives are crazy, man. But I hope you can finally find peace or as much peace as a Winchester can get.

Sorry I got carried away. But you deserve to know what an amazing man you are. And I guess I just wish you a very Merry Christmas, bitch.

I love you,

Dean

————

Sam looks up after having finished his letter and sees that everyone else seems to have finished theirs already. Through his own bleary eyes he notes that everyone sems to have gotten something similar to what he got, judging by the tear tracks and red rimmed eyes.

“Why would Dean do this?” Charlie asks, “he’s never been one to really open up about his feelings, so why now? And why all of us?”

Jody shoots him a worried look “You don’t think he would-”

“No, no, he wouldn’t. He was so excited to see all of you again. I haven’t seen him smile this much the last couple of months, ever since Cas-” Sam is quick to deny, before breaking off completely.

Everyone is looking at him worriedly, understanding what just went through his head.

“Guys! Look there’s one letter left on the table!” Jo exclaims holding it up so they can all see the name written on the envelope. Cas.

“Should we open it and find out what he wrote? Maybe it will tell us something of where Dean disappeared to?” Alex asks.

Jack speaks up before anyone else can say anything “We should let him read it himself.”

“Are ya-” Jack snaps his fingers before Donna can finish her sentence.

They have to close their eyes because of the blinding white light that fills the room. Once it dissipates, a person is standing in the middle of the room. The trench coat clad angel, is undeniably Cas.

Everyone is frozen in shock before Jack breaks the silence “This was supposed to be a Christmas present for everyone. I found a way to bring him back a few days ago and wanted to surprise you.” Jack says uncertainly at everyone’s silence.

Sam breaks out of his stupor first and pulls the angel into a hug. “I’ve missed you, Cas.”

Castiel returns the hug and says, “I’ve missed you as well Sam.”

After that everyone takes a turn hugging the angel, who seems a bit overwhelmed after everyone is done.

Castiel looks around before asking, “where is Dean? I would have thought he would be with all of you?”

Bobby answers the angel, “he’s been gone since we woke up this morning. We can’t find the idjit.”

“Dean’s gone?” Cas asks in a whisper.

“He left us all letters, but other than that we have no clue where he might be. Maybe you can find something in yours?” Garth says before handing the angel the envelope.

The angel takes it, staring at Dean’s scrawl of his name for a moment before turning it around and opening it. Everyone goes still as they watch the angels eyes flit across the words. There are tears slowly making their way down the angels cheeks, but when he comes to the end a smile takes over his face.

————

Cas’ letter:

Hey Cas,

Or should I start this the way you always did. Hello Cas. Okay no, that just sounds weird. Man, I miss your voice so much. I just- I miss you.

I know that you will never be able to read this, but I just have to get this off my chest. I never thought that everything would end like this. I thought we still had enough time. I thought I would be able to tell you once everything went down with Chuck. Why did I believe that I could get what I want? Fate has always fucked us over, hasn’t it? And now you’re gone. Again. But I don’t think you will come back this time. The kid said he’d be hands off. I’m happy we even got him to agree, to spend Christmas with us.

I can feel how Sammy looks at me. He’s worried. Rightfully so, I guess. Man, the first few weeks were horrible. I probably drank an entire truckload of alcohol. I just felt so, man I don’t even know how I feel. Sad I guess, though the company of the others has helped. They all miss you a lot, you know that. Maybe not. Maybe we should have made sure you really, truly felt accepted and loved by us. The alcohol helped to numb my feelings for a bit, but I don’t want your sacrifice to go to waste. Maybe that would make you come back. You would come back to life, just to kick me in the ass for dying after you sacrificed yourself for me.

And I’m also so angry. Because you could have told me. Why didn’t you trust me enough to tell me about the deal you made? We could have worked out a solution. Together.

I am not going to be angry about you sacrificing yourself for Jack, because I understand. I have done the same. Multiple times. And I would probably do it again. If I thought there was even a chance to bring you back like that. I would do it in a heartbeat. But I wish you had felt comfortable enough to tell me. I had hoped that I hadn’t made you feel like you couldn’t tell me what was going on in your life.

I’m not only angry at you, but also at myself. Because why did you think you couldn’t have me? That your true happiness was only in saying it. Because you could have had me. For years now. There has only been you. You never saw the way I was, the times you died. It was like I became a totally different person, anytime you died and then came back. Man, you are- were my happiness. With you gone I didn’t see a point in going forward. Other than being a tool to stop yet another apocalypse. You would probably hit me for even suggesting that I’m not worth much more than a tool, ‘Daddy’s blunt little instrument’, right? But I’m going to try to be better. For you.

Man, I miss you so much. I love you, Cas. And not like a brother or just as my best friend. I’m in love with you. Oh damn, that feels kind of good to get off my chest. I get it now. Why it made you so happy. Just saying it. But dammit. You could have had it, Cas. All of it. All of me.

I love you with all your quirks and oddities (are you proud of me for knowing that word?). I love the way you talk - also, man that voice, is that just you or Jimmy? I love that trench coat you grew so attached to. I love the way your hair never seems to lie flat and that you never really got the hang of getting your tie to lie right. I miss those blue eyes of yours. They seemed to always pull me in and never let me go. I don’t know if it was your angel heritage shining through, but they always seemed to glow. I hope you know that you also were never just a tool. That I didn’t want you around just because you were an angel. You were my best friend Cas. I loved you so damn much. Even before I admitted to myself that it wasn't just as a friend or a brother. But even then I never thought you could ever love me like that. I never thought that you could feel that way about little old me. I should have gotten the courage to tell you, a lot sooner.

And I hope that I can give justice to the man you saw in me. Because of your words I didn’t give in to Chuck’s goading (I bet you would be proud). I’ll try to be better. For you Cas, always for you.

I love you (always and forever),

Dean

PS: If you are ever able to read this and I’m not in the bunker or anywhere with our family. Look for me where it all began.

————

Looking up Cas exclaims “I think I know where he is.” Before he is gone with a flap of his wings. Everyone else is left confused, staring at the now empty spot.

Sam clears his throat, drawing the attention to him. “Well I guess we just proceed how we would have originally. Breakfast first and then presents. They will join us when they are ready to.”

And with that they move on with their original plans. But this time much lighter than before, in the knowledge that Dean and Cas will finally be able to talk.

—————

Dean is standing in the barn, when the doors suddenly fly open. The lights go up in sparks and Dean is thrown back to 12 years ago, when this happened the first time. Back then he didn’t know that the angel stalking towards him would become his best friend. The love of his life. His happiness.

Dean just stares in shock as Cas comes ever closer, until they are almost standing toe to toe.

“Are you really here?” Dean asks in wonder.

Cas smiles gently at him, “yeah I am. Hello, Dean.”

Dean chokes on a sob as he moves to pull Cas into a tight hug. Cas wraps his arms around Dean as well, pulling him impossible closer. They stand like that for an eternity, just holding each other close.

“You love me.” Cas whispers into Dean’s ear.

Dean pulls back to look into Cas’ eyes. “Yeah, I do. I love you, you idiot.”

“I love you too.” Cas says.

For a moment Dean freezes, fearing the worst, but when nothing happens, he lets out a sigh of relief.

“You’re here to stay?” Dean asks, uncertain.

Cas cups Dean’s cheek gently. “I am, yes. I’ll even ask Jack if he will make me human, so I can live out the rest of my life with you.”

Dean leans into Cas’ touch. “If that is what you want, I wouldn’t be opposed to it.”

“Dean, I know that we still have a lot to talk about, but can I kiss you?” Cas questions.

“Of course, always.”

The next second they are kissing. Intertwined from head to toe. Holding each other close. Tears are making their way down both their faces. But not even an earthquake could stop them now. They finally have each other and they won’t let go for a very long time.

[spnbabe67]

Til I'm Drunk Loved Up In Your Kiss

Kinktober Day 31: Mask Kink

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Fem Original Character

Warnings: Smut, PiV, Rough sex (Dean gets smacked like, 2 times), clothed sex

Summary: Dean reaps the reward when Tori gets a little too close to a certain demonic friend who spills some secrets

Word Count: 2221

Authors Note: Title is a lyric from the song You Belong to Me by Cat Pierce and the fic is inspired by this post from @cheynovak

Happy Halloween! Stay creepy, lovelies!

Tag List: @zepskies @king-of-milf-lovers @nightxcreature

All Hallows Eve. A holiday enjoyed by kids and adults alike, albeit with different activities. Adult Halloween activities varied wildly from going door to door begging for candy while dressed in costumes in the likeness of Disney characters, superheros or animals. Well, technically they still wore costumes, but they didn’t beg for candy from strangers anymore, they bought it with their own hard earned cash. It wasn’t like kids were trick or treating at the big, decrepit warehouse that sat above the Men of Letters bunker, so there was no need to decorate the outside. Inside was a different story. Tori and Sam had ganged up on him, insisting they throw a Halloween party for them and their other friends from out of state (And from beyond the Earthly plane). He’d been primed to say no, but damn Tori for giving him those eyes of hers that instantly had him caving, reluctantly agreeing to the plan. 

All month the three of them had accumulated enough decorations to put Spirit Halloween to shame. He was half convinced Tori had raided every one in a 10 mile radius with the amount of decor and themed crap she’d brought back with her. The night before, once their friends had started to arrive, Tori and his brother practically never left the kitchen, brewing up delicious smelling desserts and finger foods (literally, Tori had concocted a snack made of mini sausages that looked like gnarled fingers). All of them had carved out pumpkins and decorated the Bunker from floor to ceiling in decor until it could have passed as a haunted house, garnering compliments from friends and family as they started trickling in, all dressed in various costumes. 

Dean had a couple issues with the guest list. Two to be exact. He’d shot Tori a look as Rowena and Crowley poofed into existence, the King of Hell needing no costume outside a pair of tacky devil’s horns on his head, his mother aptly dressed like Jessica Rabbit. His lover had simply shrugged, greeting them with a smile and an offer of candy out of a large plastic cauldron bowl. Dean crossed his arms, narrowing his eyes at Crowley as the demon walked past him, a smug grin on his face. The flaps of his gauntlets flapped against his chest, reminding Dean of something peculiar. 

While everyone else was dressed up, Tori had yet to reveal her costume, greeting their people in a pair of jeans and a tank top. Sam had gone the funny route, dressing up as Bob Ross, even letting Tori perm his hair into picture perfect curls. Dean had gone with the classic superhero, donning a department store quality Batman suit complete with the gloves, belt and a mask. He knew she had one, he’d seen the extra bag from Spirit and had picked up the packages from the front stoop, ones she’d secretly squirreled away to places unknown to him. Once the mother-son duo from Hell migrated further into the Bunker, Dean walked over to Tori.

“Really?” Dean asked, giving her a look

“What?” She shrugged again. “We’re on good terms, at least for now. Friends close enemies closer right? ‘Sides, I like Rowena. She has fun stories” Tori checked the slim banded watch on her wrist. “Do you mind watching the door while I go change? Everyone came in at once and I haven’t gotten a chance to slip away yet.”

Dean nodded, taking the cauldron-bowl from her.

“Thank you, My love.” Tori shot him a grin and Dean forgot how he could even be irritated with her. She leaned up on her tippy toes, pressing a kiss to his cheek below the edge of the mask. “Lookin’ good, Bats.” Tori winked at him as she walked away.

After nobody came through the doors for a good 15 minutes, Dean placed the cauldron on the table Tori had set up. Risking the wrath of his girl for leaving his assigned station, Dean wandered off further into the Bunker. Faces of friends and family greeted him as he moved through the halls, some participating in the games they’d set up, others had cozied up in the Bunker’s home theatre where Tori had figured out how to preprogram a set schedule of Halloween movies to run throughout the night for those who were feeling a little less ‘peopley’ as she’d put it.

Dean followed the sound of raucous laughter into the kitchen where the site of Tori stopped him in his tracks. She always stopped him in his tracks, sending his heart aflutter, but this. Fuck-she’d outdone herself tonight, and Dean wasn’t sure how to feel about it. She had slipped into a black long sleeve dress so tight it might as well have been painted on, the hem stopping mid thigh where a pair of over-the-knee boots continued down her legs. A wide black ribbon was tied around her waist, a make-shift scabbard for the sword that was tucked against her body. A black mask obscured her face above the slightly crooked bridge of her nose, broken in her youth and never set right, and a wide and flat brimmed hat placed atop her freely flowing hair. Tori tipped her head back, laughing at some joke Charlie and Claire made, Dean’s eyes tracking the exposed column of her throat as she did.

His mouth went dry at the sight of her, dressed to the nines, a physical embodiment of one of his oldest fantasies. A fantasy he’d only mentioned to one person they both had regular contact with him. Dean found Crowley’s eyes already on him, smirking behind the rim of a tumbler filled with dark liquid. Oh it is so on, asshole. Dean walked up to Tori, wrapping his arm around her waist, making her look up at him, pressing her darkly painted lips together trying to suppress a knowing smirk. 

“Hey, Babe.” She said, her greeting laced with cheeky pride, and Dean knew damn well she could see past the mask obscuring his features. “What do you think of my costume? Pretty cool, huh?”

“Yeah! Tori was just telling us how Crowley gave her the sword.” Charlie chirped from where she sat at the table, dressed in one of her LARPing costumes. “I was just trying to convince her to lend it to me for Moondor.”

“I love it.” Dean stammered out, so many emotions and feelings coursing through his body he swore he was vibrating. “Can I-can I talk to you real quick? There’s an issue with the theatre.”

Tori quickly wrapped up her conversation with Charlie and Claire before following Dean out of the kitchen. She knew damn well there was nothing wrong with the theatre, she saw the way he reacted when he saw her in her costume; the cheap mask did absolutely nothing to disguise the blush painting his cheeks as he stammered out his excuse to get her out of the kitchen. But she wanted to see how long he’d keep this up.

“So, what’s wrong?” She asked, adjusting the sword that Crowley had given her specifically for this purpose. Sure, the King of Hell could be a backstabbing asshole sometimes, but he was good for some things too. “Is the film reel fucked again. I can go back and fix it.”

Dean didn’t respond, simply, opening the door to their bedroom and shoving her into the room, slamming it behind her. 

“You’ve been talking to Crowley.” Dean accused, and Tori watched him scan her body for the third time in the last five minutes. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” She played dumb, and it took everything in her not to burst out laughing. 

“I’m gonna kill him.” Dean grunted, dropping down onto the bed

“Okay okay, calm down.” Tori giggled, unable to keep the charade up any longer, walking up to him, placing her hands on his shoulders. “Yes," Crowley told me. I think he was trying to make fun of you but little does he know how much we like to experiment.”

Dean examined her costume, running his finger under the ribbon tied around her waist. “It’s a good costume. I mean, you’re always hot as hell, but fuck Tor.” 

Tori huffed a laugh, plucking the mask from Dean’s head, tossing it off onto the desk. “Yeah? I’m glad you like it, Babe.”

“I do.” Dean slid his hand up her side. “I really do.”

Tori leaned down in the same moment Dean stretched up, their mouths meeting in the middle, noses bumping. Both of them laughed at the blunder before reattaching their lips, more coordinated this time. Tori tucked her hair behind her ears, snatching the sword from her waist and tossing it on the bed. Dean’s hands roamed up and down her sides and back, coming down to cup her ass, guiding her down to straddle his lap. Her hands carded through his hair as she settled on his lap, feeling his hardness poke against the inside of her thigh, the pants of his costume doing nothing to hinder his erection. 

Dean’s hands on her hips guided her as Tori rolled forward on his lap. He squeezed her hips in time with her movements, moaning into her mouth. That was one thing of many she loved about him. He was so damn vocal and every time, without a doubt, it got her going almost more reliably than his wandering hands. Tori trailed kisses down his jaw, her teeth grazing the skin as she made it to his neck, pulling a low sound from it as she found that one spot below his ear, sucking a dark mark on it. 

Her hand glided down his chest, bumping along the soft contours of his muscles through the skin tight shirt, gripping the yellow plastic buckle engraved with the Bat Signal insignia. Dean’s hand fumbled with her’s as they worked the finicky buckle undone, pushing it to the sides, hanging by the belt loops. He hissed a breath as Tori’s hand slid under his pants, under his boxers, to wrap around his length. Dean shifted enough to push his bottoms far enough down his thighs to free his cock and sit further back on the bed. Tori shoved him back on the bed, matching the grin he sported as she readjusted her position above him. Her dress had already hiked up far enough on her thighs for Dean to catch a glimpse of the black lace panties covering her core, matching the overall vibe of the outfit. 

He watched with bated breath as she slid a hand between her thighs, sliding her panties to the side, positioning herself over him before sinking down. Both their heads tipped back as the fat head of his cock pressed against her entrance as she sunk down, his length splitting her open. Tori steadied herself with her hands on his chest as she adjusted to him seated fully inside her, her walls fluttering around him. Once the initial sting had given way to the pleasurable full feeling, Tori began to move. She bounced up and down on his cock, thighs lifting her almost all the way off him before dropping back down. Tori set a quick pace, roughly fucking herself on his cock. 

She looked down at Dean, his hands having found their way to her breasts, kneading them through her dress. She bit her lip, as the curve of him brushed against that tender spot inside her inner walls. 

“Do you, uh,” Tori stuttered. “Do you want me to, um-”

“Yes.” Dean finished, the single syllable a raw plea. 

Tori nodded, leaning down to kiss him sloppily, the exchange dripping with passion before she pulled back. Before she had a chance to to think too much about it, Tori pulled her hand back before letting it crack across his face. The ragged moan the action pulled from Dean had her nearly cumming on the spot. Tori snapped her hips down hard on him, his grip on her hips helping her maintain her pace. She let herself just feel the moment, feel the heat and the tension crackling between them, slapping him once more

That was enough for Dean to let out a strangled moan, his cum spurting inside her as Tori chased her own high. It came when Dean slipped his hand between her legs, rubbing her clit until she shuddered and clamped down on him, throbbing around his cock. 

“Was that okay?” Tori asked, lifting herself off of him, grabbing a tissue from the nightstand to clean herself up. 

“Fuck, Tor, that was so much more than okay.” Dean reassured her, helping her off his body before pulling his pants back up, resecuring his belt. “That was fucking hot as hell. Mostly because it was you doing it.”

She grinned up at him as she readjusted her panties, pulling her dress back down her legs, looking more civil than she had seconds ago. Tori grabbed her makeup wipes from her desk, beckoning Dean over as she cleaned up the traces of her lipstick staining his face and neck before removing the stains from her own face. She met his gaze in the mirror as she reapplied her lipstick. 

“Everything you ever hoped and dreamed?” Tori laughed.

“Even better.” Dean agreed, kissing her shoulder.

[demontisms]

get peer reviewed! @amaranthhiding

They were stinkin' poor.

Rowena's emotional, startled at connecting to this guy.

///

Ahhhh, Rowena's emotions startle her. She's thawing over time so beautifully. She doesn't want to thaw. She doesn't want to! It's weakness, it's—

—so she refocuses on the ugly, the spiteful:

12x13 Via @spnscripthunt

[ananke-xiii]

Rowena and the thick, bloody umbilical cord between choices and faults.

In a previous post of mine I’ve explored a little bit how Mary and Kelly represent a sort of “missed opportunity” for, respectively, Sam and Jack.

At the beginning of s13 Sam resents the fact that he hasn’t been proactive in seeking to create a relationship with his mother and now that she’s (presumably) gone he doesn’t want to deal with that reality. He had wasted his second chance. Jack, on the other hand, never even had a first opportunity to begin with but, unlike Sam, has experienced a sense of unity with his mother so extreme that one of the first things that he tells Sam is that he was his mother(!!!).

S13 reinforces the Mother-Son symbolism because, after Jack’s birth, a rift is opened in space (apparently not in time?): Kelly stays (dead, rip girl I love you) on one side of it while Mary crosses it and finds herself in Apocalypse World. To make things even more clear, this is no random parallel universe: this is the alternate reality where Mary didn’t deal with Azazel. So mothers and their choices/faults are a central theme in this season. Or, well, more or less.

To complete the mothers’ trimurti or, better, tridevi we’re missing the final mother, the destroyer who is, of course, Rowena. It’s therefore quite apt that Rowena reaches her highest potential this season and even confronts Death. What motivates her in an interesting blend of (missing)love and (lacking)power. Lucifer is as part of her story as Kelly’s and Mary’s. Unlike these two, though, she doesn’t have a son who resurrects her, nor a turned-benefactor cosmic being who offers her resurrection as a gift to her son. Rowena has to resurrect herself. Not once but twice. She is, perhaps, the loneliest character in the whole series.

This is actually quite ironic because, if we look back on previous seasons, her “choice” to kill Oskar, her putative son, was what triggered the whole chain of events (the freeing of Amara first and Lucifer second) that directly link Rowena with Mary and Kelly.

It’s only natural, then, that s13 Rowena keeps representing the reversal of the Mary and Sam/ Kelly and Jack relationships because there is no son who’s looking for her, rather she is the mother who’s looking for her (dead) child. Like Sam, she also needs someone who can access another dimension to bring Crowley back but, unlike him, she’s not successful. Now, ngl, this pisses me off to no end, like of course I can understand the real reasons why Crowley couldn’t be brought back, still I kinda hate how it was narratively framed.

When, in "Funeralia", Rowena says that life is unfair she is right but not in the general, pessimistic sense of the phrase: she's right because in-universe some deaths are more important than others and people get back on board depending on whether or not they're still a role to play for them. Rowena's faith in magic is actually justified because magic is the only thing that can help her. And the tragic thing is that it's also what damns her in the process because it's the only form of power she can have access to. There are no angels or cosmic entities looking out for her. She's just... alone.

So, perhaps, it's not that I necessarily hate how her failure to bring Crowley back is described, I just see it as further proof that Rowena is the best example to show how in Supernatural the game is rigged from the beginning and we didn’t even need an interfering and pervy God to realize it. That's all we've been seeing it since S1. All those infinite, booooring talks about being good/evil or doing good/bad actually mean nothing because, at the end of the day, in this show what really matters is how useful you can be, to whom and why (and this is way less booooring, you learn a lot of interesting things about these characters if you go down this road, it's grim but it's more rewarding).

S13 is also when the final connection between Rowena and the Winchesters, Sam to be more precise, is established which is indicative of the fact that she will inevitably die. Before S13 her story was her own, after “Funeralia” it cannot be extricated from Sam’s. To some degree, it’s quite similar to what happened with Crowley and Dean. What’s more, just like Crowley’s powers and shrewdness are what really carry the plot from s6 to s12, magic and spells (and therefore Rowena’s role in the story) will be the key for many plot points from s13 to s15. But there is a big difference.

Both Crowley and Rowena’s sacrifices are described as heroic but, let’s be honest, only Rowena’s was. Crowley’s demise was a clean-up after his own mess at best. It also proved to be unnecessary. Rowena and that awful MBOL’s egg thingy would have managed to confine Lucifer, like, they actually did it. It was Crowley who perverted the spell for reasons that I personally find OOC. I would’ve liked the Crowley vs Lucifer power struggle but not the way it was done in s12 because it felt very nonsensical to me. As in: I can see you need a reason to keep Lucifer around and this is what you’ve come up with but it’s still quite illogical.

At its hidden and secret core S13 is the season of the “let’s reframe the sons’ stories and blame it on the mothers”. Just like Kelly is blamed for Castiel’s ideal vision of Jack and Mary’s "choice" is established as the most important point in the whole show, Rowena-as-Mother must face the same fate: it was her fault if Crowley, Fergus!, ended the way he ended. It’s a naaaaaaaaaaaaaah for me.

This is what we’re told in “Funeralia”:

Rowena: Oh, but it is. Death has something I want. Sam: What’s that? Rowena: My son. After you told me he was gone, how he died, I had an unexpected reaction. We had our differences, but it’s my fault he went down the path he did. I left him. Dean: We’re talking about Crowley-- demon, King of Hell? Rowena: We’re talking about Fergus-- a man abandoned and loveless, tricked by a demon, died in a gutter. He deserved better from the world. From me.

Now, just to be clear: yes, Rowena had the responsibility to do better; yes, she was the absolute worst; yes, she played no small role in her son’s story. However, I personally don’t like all these negative associations between “worlds” and “mothers” as if every fucking thing in the universe is dependent solely on them. How did we end up here? It’s almost as if absent fathers are, like, not THAT bad after all (and the show, as far as I'm concerned, ultimately approves of and absolves absent fathers). So I’m very suspicious of the way motherhood is portrayed specifically in s13 and Rowena’s attempt at redemption well demonstrates that there is reason to be so.

This dialogue in “Funeralia” confirms my gut feeling:

Sam: You know, what happened with Crowley? That wasn’t your fault. Rowena: He never had a chance. Dean: He made his choices, just like we all do. Look, every one of us has done something that we have to live with, that were trying to make up for. Every one of us. Sam: Even without all that extra juice, you’re still the deadliest witch around [Sam's flattering Rowena. He's gonna ask for her help in 3,2,1...]. Rowena: Flatterer. Sam: Yeah, well, we, um... we may need your help [Here we go!]. To save our family. To… hell, to save the world. Dean: You wanna be redeemed? This would be a pretty big step. Rowena: And do you think I still can be? Dean: Yeah, I do.

I mean, not to be rude, but who the fuck cares if Dean Winchester thinks that Rowena can be redeemed? Like, how is Rowena’s redemption (which is strictly connected to her being a bad mother and not, among other things, a zero-regret murderer, which she also happens to be, for instance) connected to saving the Winchester’s family? Don’t get me wrong, I understand that this is SPN and that Sam and Dean’s problems are Apocalypse-level problems (lol, they really did that, when I say that their story is like a cosmogony maybe I’m not that wrong) but, as I’ve said, I cannot help but notice the similarities between Rowena’s arc this season with Mary’s and Jack’s, i.e. you can be redeemed if you either do something useful for the Winchesters or... realize that it's not your "fault" that your sons suffered terribily because "choosing" to deal with Azazel was actually the right choice... for the world. How come fathers saving the world are framed as heroic while mothers actively creating worlds by making hard choices that benefit the greater good need redemption?

So to sum up: while fathers invade S13’s main storyline as solvers, restorers and fixers, mothers are the bones of the story, they carry its weight and its sins but get little if nothing in return: Kelly stays dead, Mary ends up helping out a world that absolves her of her Original Sin but that’s nevertheless a mess (you can never win lol) and Rowena can’t get her son back (but she can save Sam and Dean's family the world!). Looks good, right? Hurray mommy!

[beautysurvives]

Casifer x Dean wip

Lucifer lets Cas take the reins on Valentine’s Day

“I missed you.”

Really, that should’ve been the first sign.

But it’d been going on for a while. Ever since he picked himself up and got back on the job — ever since he found Metatron and let him live. Dean just assumed that the problem was him.

Cas was keeping his distance because, well, why wouldn’t he? The reasons to avoid Dean were numberless.

Then Dean came clean about Amara, and something switched. Suddenly, Cas was there, saying, The next time you face her, you won’t be alone.

So Dean thought, okay. Not perfect, but not unsalvageable. Cas was beginning to thaw. If he had been angry with Dean before, it was because of her, and everything she represented. The dishonesty. The darkness, the mark — everything with Crowley. What Rowena did to Cas — that was his fault too.

And the fact that Cas couldn’t snap himself out of it, that maybe, somewhere deep down, he wanted to kill him. It hurt, sure. But how could he take it personally?

The unending vortex of corruption that was Dean Winchester — that Cas had ever had the misfortune of being sucked into it — was unforgivable. For years, Cas had given him so much more than he was worth. And what did he get in return? What does an angel want that a human has? What did Cas want from him that kept him coming back?

Well… he’d said it already. That day Dean nearly killed him. Everyone you love will be dead, besides me.

Cas already knew how Dean felt about him, and that was it, really. Angels need one of two things.

To be assigned a higher purpose, or to be worshipped as a God.

Dean was the one who reached out first on Valentine’s Day — nothing too demanding.

Just, Hey. Where are you?

*

“So,” Lucifer said, “You and Dean. What’s that about?”

“What do you mean?” Cas asked, barely looking away from the TV, Lucifer’s programming playing on a loop, conspicuously loud.

Ah, television, the archangel privately mused, all the perks of babysitting with none of the human contact.

Whatever the lineup was, Cas seemed completely engrossed, though Lucifer remembered that he hadn’t queued anything real or even convincing. It was, apparently, enough to pacify Castiel.

Still it sounded to Lucifer like all television — like all human conversation, really. Scraps of meaningless dialogue, the viewer forced to fill in the blanks. Pile significance on top of garbage. Derive some meager scraps of truth from a collage of falsehoods.

What people see reveals so much of what they want.

So Lucifer listened, studying Castiel.

“Do you think he crashed the car on purpose?………I can’t leave you alone for one minute can I?…. Am I not good enough?……….I didn’t want you to see me like this………….”

“……You look like you need a hug! – AAAAWWWWWWWWWWW-”

Lucifer had him.

“Oh, Cassie.” Anyone could have connected these dots, but Lucifer had been given a front row seat. Dean Winchester’s tiny human longing was loud, predictable, and always pointed in one direction. And the angel —

“You’re forgetting — I’m inside you — and yeah, you think you have all the really private stuff safely locked away, but you left the key under the mat for me, didn’t you? Because maybe… deep down… you want someone to know…”

“About your conquest. I mean.” He whistled, leaning on the kitchen counter. Cas’s hand flew to the antenna, to lessen the static caused by Lucifer’s jostling. “Shameful, torrid, these human/angel affairs. The original sin. It’s like — falling for an insect.”

“But… as far as insects go…”

“Do not go near him,” Castiel warned without looking up — like a territorial cat, protecting his kibble.

Is Dean Winchester kibble? Or more… wet food?

“Believe me, I’m trying. Can’t say I share your fondness for the guy. But when he looks at me — I mean you — with those pouty lips and those puppy dog eyes…”

Suddenly, the TV was loud.

“Can I be frank with you guys?”

“Sure, but I don’t see how changing your name is gonna help— HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-”

“So, here’s the thing! He wants to see you! Really bad!”

“For what?”

“I did a pregnancy test–”

Lucifer sighed. “You forgot what day it is, didn’t you? Typical.”

The slightest twitch of a brow from Cas directed Lucifer’s attention to the false television. A group of colorfully dressed humans, huddled together in an unnaturally bright living room — How does anyone over the age of two fall for that stuff?

“Lie to him.” Cas answered gruffly. “Say I’m busy.”

“But you want to see him, don’t you?”

“She doesn’t understand him like I do,” says one of the humans on the screen.

*

That night, Cas showed up to the bunker with flowers. Simple, red things that he’d already been holding when he came to. He recognized them — not roses. Somehow, Lucifer knew that that was too cliche.

Dean didn’t spot them until Cas was all the way down the stairs, though he’d been tracking him the entire time, impatiently brushing invisible crumbs off of the map table. Adjusting the chair as he stood.

“So you are alive,” Dean said, not unhappily, his eyes skating over the bouquet and then pretending not to see — because it couldn’t be for him — even as he asked, almost involuntarily, “What’s with the…”

Cas looked down, as if surprised, again, to see them in his hands. “Uhm…” He swallowed. “They’re for you.” Dean eyed them now with mounting disbelief, shifting from foot to foot. He was in his nice jeans, Cas noticed, the tight ones, with only a couple of holes — on the thigh, and the knee — slightly flared at the hem — and the one pair of boots that he never took hunting. Cas didn’t think he’d ever see those again.

“Oh… Okay.” He accepted them gingerly, a smile slowly tugging at his lips. “That’s… Okay. Uh…” He sniffed them. “What are these–”

“Peonies.” Because Lucifer has a sense of humor.

“Oh…” Dean chuckled lightly, but his face was quickly turning red, freckles on full display.

Cas sighed, and Dean looked up at him, mouth hanging open, a question in his eyes.

“I missed you.” It was the only answer he could have given to anything Dean might’ve asked him. The only true thing he could say. It was more of a relief to see him now than Cas could put into words —

For Dean, it had only been a few days since he’d seen him last. For Cas, it had been months, interrupted only briefly by snapshots of the things Lucifer had done that Cas could bear to see — the bunker, the Winchesters, Dean, snippets of conversations. The looks on their faces as he fed them lies. Trusting.

These words must have had their own meaning to Dean, because he looked like he was about to crack open. “Yeah… uh…” He hung his head. “Me too.”

“Is Sam here?”

“I’m not sure-”

Never before had Cas kissed him like this — the way people do on TV and in movies. So sudden. So confident that it would go the way it was supposed to.

And it did. Dean was especially receptive to this sort of treatment. He didn’t pull away, and he didn’t seem to care where Sam was. He put the flowers down on the table without stopping them.

He backed himself onto it, guiding Cas with him.

*

It wasn’t Lucifer’s fault that there was nothing good on TV.

Well. Okay it was Lucifer’s fault. But he could either waste energy attempting to make himself at home in Cas’s perverted mind palace version of the Winchester’s kitchen—

Or he could sit back and watch the real show.

Not that that was much more interesting. Sex was sex. There were only so many ways to have it, and Lucifer had pretty much seen them all.

But here, there was a story. The Romeo and Juliet of it all. The lying, the secrets, the guilt and shame. And Lucifer wasn’t just watching it — he was part of it. In more ways than one. He was the side piece.

Or Dean was the side piece. It didn’t matter who had gotten there first, as an archangel, as the ultimate rebel, there was a bridgeable gap between himself and Cas. In another world, he could have mentored him. Made him into something useful, instead of this… family pet.

If he let down the wall a bit between this room and reality — he could feel the way they kissed. Lucifer had never known angels to kiss. But here was Castiel, doing it like a pro, reducing Mr. Bravado Dean Winchester to a whimpering puddle.

In fact, if Lucifer focused, he could feel what Dean was feeling too. Cas was all hands. All hunger. And Dean was grateful for it. So excited. So relieved.

At last, Castiel wanted him and only him. There seemed to be nothing else on his mind.

He rubbed against him with need, broke off to kiss his neck. Finally, Dean had an opportunity to speak.

But he was still speechless, too into it to risk it stopping.

He closed his eyes, shuddering when Cas whispered, “I’m sorry,” his hands pausing at Dean’s belt. “It’s… I know this day is important to you.” It had taken him a long time to realize it. Of course it didn’t help that one of them was often dead or missing around this time of year.

“What would you like to do tonight, Dean?”

He laughed again in disbelief. “What’s gotten into you?”

[ironworked]

SPN 12.07

Oh, this one's FUN. 06+07 is a really neat tandem; in 12.06 they go to a hunter's funeral and see what they're like, what they've missed all those years, and yet there's not a lot of longing for that kind of life, is there? the sense of community is nice, but does it have to be with hunters or do they get that with family (as chosen by them)?

Then we go into 12.07, where we get Dean and Mary not just texting but playing Words with Friends, and where they work a case with Cas, Crowley (and off-screen, Rowena). And it's Big Stakes, but... they're comfortable! trading barbs and working as a team.

Look at how happy he is!

Then Cagney and Lacey call him from a bar with the new mission, and woohoo we're going to LA.

Sam trying to hide what he's listening to is a fun moment, he is a terrible liar. Also he did the same when he went to meet Charlie and Cas about the Book of the Damned, so I bet that now every time Sam mention something terribly niche and/or dry Dean just gets suspicious.

They're waiting in the lobby and we get the exchange between Sam and Dean about the fancy water, and I just now noticed this (or I've forgotten it since another time):

Dean, Mr. 'vegetable water, eugh', PUTS EXTRA VEGETABLE IN HIS WATER

I hope he used the little tongs while Sam was looking elsewhere. I bet he was dying to use them.

Moments before disaster - The burn - Regret

How long had Cas been sitting on that one? because he came up with it awfully fast!

They're hilarious:

Also... Tommy put him on his contacts as 'Agent Beyonce' 😂:

Cas: I'll take Lucifer. He's my responsibility.

I'll take Lucifer. He's my responsibility.

Cas doing his thing. Again.

Please note the difference in Dean and Sam's reactions, first to Cas and then to Crowley:

Cas: Well, the only way you'll clear that crowd without drawing fire is if he's otherwise engaged. Dean: Engaged in what, Cas? Killing you? Sam: Cas, you'll last... 3 minutes tops.

Dean: 'You'll die!' vs Sam: 'You'll fail' (to be fair Sam does say Lucifer is their collective responsibility, not just Cas')

Cas: Then I'll buy you 3 minutes.

Crowley: Make it four.

...Jared. No.

Same here. Just... no. What are you doing?

Lovely scene at the end. Please notice Dean's concern over Crowley's injuries:

ETA: Gotta love that they made a video for Bloody Messiah

[eisforeidolon]

Character growth in most TV shows is an illusion. Especially long running shows, because we are introduced to a character one way and the showrunners don’t want to stray too far from that. There can be small changes over the course of a show, but by and large characters don’t grow. The only time that happens w/ any significance is like Crowley or Rowena or Ketch going from antagonists to tentative / situational allies. But that’s mostly because it’s easier to turn an asshole into a good guy than the other way around.

There are exceptions, but for the most part, yeah. Especially when you're talking about the main characters. Usually, any change that happens is minor and incremental because nobody wants to risk changing the formula too much or the audience deciding the character(s) are now unlikable.

I think that was a big problem with season 10, where before it aired, they kept talking up how "dark" demon!Dean and desperate!Sam would go. Then, like, Dean did some karaoke and killed a scumbag and a few demons while Sam tortured a few demons and lead said scumbag to where he could make a demon deal. Even planning to go back to status quo afterward, the writers wouldn't take the risk of letting either one do anything *that* bad.

In general I'd say a place where change is more likely to happen is to supporting characters that become popular and then stick around. Which your examples of going from an asshole to a good guy fit into - although I wouldn't exactly say any of those examples were actually growth. Except maybe Rowena. They were more badass decay to justify keeping the characters around as part of the status quo in a way that wouldn't shake things up too much. Crowley, who was part of the story because he was such a savvy player, became an idiot. Ketch who was supposedly such a badass hardliner who didn't like the Winchesters spouted some absolute kumbaya bullshit about them as he died out of fucking nowhere. Only reason it's not the most absurd death speech in the show is ... well, you know.

But yeah, at the end of the day? Who the main characters are rarely changes that much over time. So no, it's not some huge, unexpected disappointment for the Winchesters to end their story without becoming entirely different people who could just toss aside the trauma of their lives and live a HEA apart. Without even addressing that what most of the people whining about Dean's "character growth" being discarded are talking about is the meta they hallucinated up from their scavenger hunt for secret clues he was bisexual and in love with a trenchcoat. As well as how they didn't really care what happened to Sam, so long as he was separated from Dean so Dean would surely have to latch onto someone else - it was totally Castiel's turn!!!

They wanted an entirely different show which this show made it clear that it wasn't at every single possible turn.

[rewatching-sam-and-dean]

Sam + Family Poll

Okay, I have a new poll that follows my Dean + Family poll from yesterday.

While, Dean calls a lot of people family over the years on Supernatural, Sam doesn’t through the “F” word around as often. But, his actions do show that he considers some characters (besides the Winchesters) to be family, too. Also, Dean calls some people family FOR Sam as he uses “we” a lot when describing others in relation to him and Sam.

So, I put the question of family to Tumblr again, but for Sam this time.

(Please note, I will be excluding Bobby because he won by such a huge margin with Dean, so I imagine he’d win by a lot for Sam, too. Also, I’ve removed other characters like Benny snd Crowley who Sam was never really close to.).

I know Dean is a “fan favourite” in some parts, but let’s get some love for Sam, too. Please feel free to elsborate in the tags.

(Like yesterday, if this post gets no traction, you didn’t see it. 🤫)

[homehauntsyou]

if you could create another Goal Of The Nuclear/Normalcy storyline/arc for sam, would it have a romantic relationship? if yes, who would the person be (existing character or a new one)? if not, what would the circumstances be and would it surround a narratively Third person at all? and which point in the series do you think it would work the best? (as an aside, are there any existing characters like cas or gadreel or crowley or rowena that you would want to involve in this arc?)

oh my god. oh my goddd okay okay.

even though i never really find myself focusing on romantic relationships in spn, i think it would have to include a romantic relationship eventually. they tend to be critical to the winchesters' idea of Normalcy and the goal of the Complete Nuclear, and sam would only feel as though he's completely achieved that if he had a romantic relationship of some kind. however, i do think it would start without a romantic relationship though, with that as the eventual goal. i think sam would have to leave before he would be able to find someone, so he wouldn't necessarily start with that as his explicit, main goal, but he would find himself gradually ending up with a romantic partner.

i think the hard part about creating a storyline where sam strives for normalcy again is that they really only do work when dean and sam are separated (because of death or of their own volition) because of the nature of their dependency on each other and how all-consuming it is. there are a couple that work if you mess more with canon (s9/10 post-dean's death comes to mind, i've read a couple great fics where he ends up staying dead and sam & cas have to deal with that) but i think the timeframe that works the most with canon would be post-09x10. i would really enjoy a situation where sam’s anger and his struggle with his loss of autonomy is expressed by returning back into his initial, pre-series/s1 goal of achieving normalcy and safety. i would probably write it as a situation where sam increasingly begins to struggle with reality again, isn't really able to hunt effectively, and decides to take a step back. that could be a weird time frame in some ways because his choice to continue hunting in s9B could be interpreted as sam trying to prove that he still deserves to be alive / has a purpose that can be used for good, but I think if it was framed in a way through an injury or through a storyline where it’s unsafe for him to be hunting, then it could work. he would probably be eventually pulled back in by demon!/moc!dean but that’s to be expected of course <3 there is just so much s9 sam potential that the broader fandom tends to brush over, mostly because of avoiding dean’s actions / disliking that sam’s anger is towards dean, but i LOVE this time-period & i wish we’d gotten more about sam’s personal struggles after gadreel, including ones that don’t involve dean.

in terms of characters i would include — cas would probably have to be one, especially given his relationship with sam in s9/s10. i’ve always been really interested in his opinion before 09x10 (“you were stupid for the right reasons”) and whether it changed during/after 09x11 when he saw the effect it had on sam, which could be interesting to explore. and maybe also jody? only because i’m thinking about the deleted scene where sam tells her that he thinks smth is off before gadreel takes over again and i think she’s a less dean-biased character, which would be needed if sam wanted to step away. oh and gadreel ofc. their relationship that also isn’t a relationship at all is SO fascinating to me and i think he should just Lurk <3 figuratively and literally <3