#i realize how long this got and put most of them under a readmore sorry about that hahaha

[possthrowaway4q]

I've learned/realized a lot about my health issues recently, and I... really need some opinions. Particularly from people with traumatic brain injuries. So I'm gonna share my story.

Major Trigger Warning: birth complications, asphyxiation, seizures, child endangerment, medical neglect

(Sorry this isn't under a readmore I have literally never been able to use them on mobile without breaking the post)

I was lied to about my birth story. I was told by my mother that I came into the world a beautiful and perfectly healthy baby (and in her defense she very well could've convinced herself of this). This is, according to what my dad told me now that I'm an adult, completely false. My mother and I both almost died. The doctors didn't believe she was in labor yet. Called it Braxton Hicks for multiple days. Wasn't until one of them actually checked and saw my head that they believed her. Came out completely blue with the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck and was totally silent when they unwrapped me. Had to spend multiple days in the NICU in one of those oxygen tents. Don't know a lot of the details because apparently it wasn't discussed much. No idea if the doctors said anything about potential long-term issues and even if they did, there's no guarantee my parents kept an eye out properly. Didn't find out until a few years ago that I had hallucinations and frequent vivid nightmares as a young kid and the person mentioning it clearly didn't think much of it, despite me vaguely remembering seeing two separate child therapists around that age. Like, early elementary, I think.

That's not the only event though. Summer between 5th and 6th grade I had a drug-induced seizure. I was being watched by a family member who was kind of notorious for hoarding all sorts of medications. Including ones she was no longer prescribed. She didn't keep everything in their proper bottles either, moving pills between and re-labeling them. Including putting prescriptions in OTC containers. I asked for something for a headache. She gave me a pill saying it was Tylenol - didn't even see the bottle it came out of - and left me be again. Wasn't long before I knew something was wrong. Thankfully, I had my phone in my hand and was able to text her before I lost complete control of my muscles. Dunno how long exactly the seizure lasted, but it must've been at least ten minutes because that's how far away my parents lived and they were there with me when it ended. Remember my dad picking me up and holding me until I could talk and move again. We never did go to the hospital. Idk if it's because we all assumed I was fine once it was over or if it was because no one wanted to get the family member in trouble. Would explain why she called my parents instead of an ambulance, I suppose.

Been thinking about that tonight. Realized I was never really the same after that. I went from all As in school to completely unable to keep up with most subjects. I couldn't think or focus, I was in a fog most of the time, was losing large gaps of time and couldn't remember both short and long term things, and shortly after that was the beginning of my three year long psychotic break. Everyone remembers how the start of middle school is when all my mental health symptoms went into overdrive and I was just. Notably worse. And to top it all off, I always have said that my memory of my past seems to only go back to a few substantial memories in 5th grade and everything prior basically doesn't exist most of the time.

So I guess my question is just... could I have brain damage? Birth asphyxia is bad enough, but a 10+ minute long seizure as a child? I'm pretty sure that's way past the threshold of a medical emergency/when permanent brain damage can start. But every time I mention the idea to anyone, it gets brushed off. Either because I "don't need another thing wrong with me" or "does it really matter?" or because neither thing are your typical ideas of a TBI.

Sure, I've got a bunch of other reasons I could have these symptoms. Even just on the mental health side, ADHD, autism, psychosis, dissociative disorder stuff, and it's been too long for any doctor to say definitively one way or the other if they even take me seriously. But... I don't know, could those have contributed? Hell, could that be the root source of some of it that no one connected to because we never talked about it after the fact? (I even completely forgot for a long time. Didn't think it was a big deal. Didn't really understand seizures at the time.) I can't emphasize enough how drastically my health changed after that seizure. But maybe it was just puberty or the increase in difficulty/stress from going from elementary to middle school.

Surely it's possible though that those things at least exacerbated underlying issues or something? I guess the root of my question is whether the traumatic brain injury community would have me. I don't think I'll ever be able to fully, publicly identify that way, but I still desperately want to know if I'd be welcomed if I tried. Could I really have brain damage or am I just being dramatic or a hypochondriac or something? I just wanna know why I'm so fucked up in the head.

[teamhawkeye]

Odds for Anna x John! Hehe :P

i should have seen this coming LMAO - touche

1.how did they first kiss?

In fic-verse that goes along with the game's main story, John kisses Anna after waxing poetic about how similar they are and how they're meant to be together when he has her down in his bunker for "confession", haha

Otherwise, in the prequel AU Anna kisses John after a very thoughtful and relaxed date night when she's finally understanding the depths of her feelings for him. 3.how did the relationship start?

"It's complicated" is the best description, haha. They both are on opposing sides of the conflict in Hope County but begin to try and meet each other halfway, sorta. The Collapse happens and they're committed to each other at that point and just go on from there

Otherwise, in a pre-canon AU, they meet in her home town and antagonize each other for a bit after a one night stand but eventually begin to reciprocate feelings for one another and have a long distance relationship going for a while 5.do they have roommates?

Pratt and Sharky and Faith are the closest things to "roommates" they have when they all live together at Seed Ranch after leaving the bunker 7.do they have kids?

Yes! 5 kids: Elena, David, Gale, Michael, and Meryl

9.do they act different in public and at home?

Anna does. Even after the Collapse and no real face to be saved when they're together, she's not big on PDA outside the comfort and safety of their home. John meanwhile makes himself out to be a bigger asshole and villain in public than he is in private 11.sleeping habits?

John develops a cuddling habit that Anna is very much not on board with at first, haha - she eventually comes around, but she still can get tired of feeling caged when he holds her too tight 13.favorite sexual activity?

i'm censoring myself and not answering that here to keep the rest of this semi-wholesome LMAO 15.what habits of the other drives them crazy?

They're both stubborn to the point of being exhausting, but Anna is slightly less obstinate - John's unwillingness to budge drives her up the wall, while Anna doing the exact opposite as requested just to spite him drives John crazy 17.most trivial thing they fight over?

Whether the dog gets to sleep in the bed, lmao. that is a big stupid fight they have in my fic series that Anna wins every time 19.who does most of the cleaning?

Anna is more consistent about cleaning, though John does his share's worth 21.who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working?

Anna is more likely to try and fix anything herself that's not working, Collapse or not. John would want to call someone but be more impressed that Anna can handle whatever's broken and bring it back around 23.who steals the blankets?

John. no doubt about it, haha 25.who does the groceries?

John. He always has had more money but he also prioritizes having some range of what's stocked up in the kitchen - that translates over into doing most of the bartering with traders in the verse where the Collapse has happened. 27.who leaves their stuff lying everywhere?

They're both guilty of this, but neither are that messy so it's usually just leaving a book or jacket in one room and then going to another one without it 29.what do their cupboards or shelves look like?

John likes to maintain appearances, so every shelf and cupboard houses plenty of something. This becomes less superficial over time as they begin to build a life together, and instead of just "things" being on shelves to take up space, it's often pictures or mementos of their family or the two of them and their time spent together or is fully stocked with food and supplies to make sure everyone is well looked after 31.what do they do when they’re away from each other?

John is miserable LMAO - he definitely mopes and just waits for Anna to come back. Anna misses him, but she doesn't have a giant thundercloud over her head like John does - she'll go about her business and you might be none the wiser until she finally is able to be back in his arms again and telling him she missed him 33.how do they refer to the other in public? how do other people refer to the other? (i.e. “my partner”, “ask your father”, ”dad and papa”, ”how’s your wife?”, etc)

My boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife towards each other, your mother/father or mom/dad to their children - they're pretty traditional when it comes to that 35.how often do they go on dates?

Pre-Collapse, they try to squeeze in a few when they're developing feelings for each other but trying to remain on the down low. Post-Collapse, they definitely make a point to try and have one or two date nights a month, just spending time together somewhere around the Ranch's property away from the kids or others.

Prequel AU, they try to have date nights at least once a week, though it gets tough when John returns to Hope County after his business in her hometown concludes. 37.do they celebrate birthdays, valentine’s day, anniversaries?

Yes! Anna may make a show of being reluctant about it at first, but she's thrilled to have reason to celebrate holidays again after so long of skipping them to avoid the painful memories they brought back. 39.how do they spend christmas and new year’s (or equivalent family gatherings)?

Holidays are spent with each other and their family, eventually, in any verse. Anna comes to Hope County for Thanksgiving and Christmas in the prequel AU and Post-Collapse, they spend holidays with their children and friends both in the bunker and topside at the Ranch. 41.what would they do if the other one was hurt?

Both of them would do everything in their power to keep the other safe and get angry and want to retaliate against the one who hurt the in the first place. Anna develops a bit of a cooler head about this as they get older, but John is forever "touch my wife and you die" 43.do they know how the other takes their coffee/tea?

Yes - they both bring each other drinks and meals over the years and know how the other likes their food and beverage just as well as they know their own preferences 45.do they friend/follow each other on facebook/tumblr/livejournal/skype/etc?

In any verse, no, because Anna has never been on any of them 47.how do they make up after a fight?

apologies come first, from whomever was in the wrong, and then it's quality time spent together. whether that's just sitting in comfortable silence, going somewhere together, having sex...it all depends on what the fight was about and how serious it was or not

[arcadejohn127-9]

I read the Diavolos ball and angsty stuff, can I please please please get a happy ending to go with it?

This has been a highly requested and I must give my poor followers comfort after this straight up angst

So everyone, let's get into it! Some hurt and comfort to soothe your hearts

Warning: angst, long

I'll be putting this under readmore as it is long and I have had someone before say they wanted me to add it on long posts, I never really got any feedback about what I could do better and how this will help with people's viewing but I understand why, long posts can be annoying

If you guys think I should do this with all my long posts please comment or dm me or even state it in asks/requests - I wanna do what I can to make things enjoyable for people

Part 1 - beginning

Diavolo's ball aftermath

It's been a few days since they've seen you; they expected to find you in the dorm. Some fear you went back to the human world; there was no messages, no note - there was nothing. You were completely gone.

Everyone was losing it. The brothers got more aggressively with each other, no longer able to have you come between them. Your presence was so soothing to all of them but now you were gone. As soon as they realized you were gone the whole air of the dorm shifted. It wasn't right.

Mammon got desperate to know where you were. He handed one of his crows a necklace he got you, you promised to never take it off. His heart shattered when he saw it was on your desk. He wasn't sure what he did wrong - why did you take it off? What happened to you?

It wasn't long before the crow came back to the devildom; reporting that you were in fact in the human world. The brothers were devastated. They had to tell the others and they had to watch the hopeful shine in their eyes die.

They could all feel thankful you were unharmed but you were so far. You did this to get away from them. You didn't even leave a damn note!

Diavolo ordered everyone to go to the human world. They all split up into different parties to get you, whoever could get you first had to interrogate you. It didn't take a genius to understand that the Noble told you something horrible - why else would you have such a reaction? Barbatos was tasked to 'calmly discuss' that night with said noble but regardless of how rough and merciless he was; he refused to talk.

It was wasting time and energy. If he wasn't going to talk then they had to get the answer from you. A few were able to gather the gist of what he told you from your conversation before you disappeared; you were convinced you were being used and just a replacement, a pawn to them.

They wanted the full story. The whole reason. Anything! Just to understand why you would push them away and disappear like this. What have they done to make the nobles words feel so real to you? They needed to fix it.

The demon brother's split into a team of two; eldest and youngest, the royals stayed together and the elder exchange students were a double team aswell.

The crows lead the teams their way, splitting up to different routes to see if they could circle you so they could talk to you even if you decided to run.

In the end they found you, you were across the pavement, a train coming. The pedestrian stop dinged as it commanded people to stop but the men couldn't help themselves.

"(Y/N)!!!"

You whipped around, shocked. You thought your ears were playing tricks on you but there was the boys. Your boys. Tears bubbled in your eyes. You couldn't believe it. They followed you to the human world.

The world slowed down; the wind blowing against you as your eyes widened at the sight of them. They looked exhausted, some even with tear streaked cheeks. The more impulsive bunch being held back so they don't go running towards you. The street lights illuminated all of you; their appearance looked just as broken as their hearts.

The train rammed itself between you all. Disturbing the moment with its blaring horn, the screeching wheels ringing in your ears. It was the second you had to decide; do you run? Or do you stay?

To let them get you and finally face your emotions or run away, avoid everything and keep letting despair consume you.

You stayed. You couldn't move at all. It was if you were glued to the spot. But you knew it was just your heart aching for them; desperate to hold them and cry out your pain.

As soon as they could, they all rushed to your side. Hugging you, grabbing at your arms and head to pull you close to them. You choked on your tears as you let the 11 men hug you and check your face and clothes. All just wanting to make sure you were really there and unharmed.

You missed them all dearly and you were so happy they missed you too.

But then the big question was asked.

"what happened that night?"

"he said he was happy to meet me...asked for a dance and I said yes, I never should of, he kept telling me I was just Diavolo's pawn, Lilith's replacement and convinced me none of actually cared for me....I believed him.....I felt so unsure and he knew so much about us I just couldn't stop the doubts in my head....I'm so sorry-!"

Lucifer:

He couldn't believe that noble said that to you

He hastily grabbed your face, wiping away your tears

"You will never be and never have been her replacement, you are your own person, your connection to our sister means nothing other than comfort that she was able to be happy and that's it - I apologize if we have made you feel like you are a replacement and have compared you to her.... please understand we just miss her very dearly but we all want you in our life more than anything."

You buried your face into his shoulder

Sobbing your heart out as you kept chanting apologies and gratitude in a broken voice

He silenced you, holding you close

The prideful demon hid his face as best as he could and let tears drip down his cheeks

He was so relived to have you back

It seemed that noble wasn't only going to be visited by barbatos

Lucifer was not known for being merciful

Mammon:

He grabbed your arm and hastily tugged you towards him

His other hand cradled the back of your head

"Don't ever run away again, you understand?! I'm supposed to be the one protecting ya and how am I supposed to do that if you're off running in different realms without telling anyone??!! That noble doesn't know anything! I don't know how he knew about Lilith but you ain't her, you're (Y/N) And that's it! You are your own person - you gotta call out my dumbass-ary if I compare or make you feel that way, I would never do it on purpose! I like you and only you! I can't lose you again!"

He pushed his forhead against yours

A shaky exhale leaving him

You tried to apologize but he cut you right off, hugging you closer

He was going to make that Noble pay for ever making you doubt yourself like this

To doubt how much he loves you

Levithan:

He was already crying

He was crying before you even considered crying

He rushed to you and grabbed your hands

"I got so scared I did something, Don't listen to that normie! Normies are losers for a reason! There's no one else I would want as my best friend - no one will ever be a better game partner than you! You always make me feel happy and proud to be me-! I couldn't ask for anything more from you! I miss Lilith but I miss you even more! You're my favourite person, you're not some replacement, you're you! You're my player 2-! I'm sorry if I made you feel like you're not as amazing as you are, please don't leave again!"

It wasn't long after his speech he hugged you

Squeezing you tightly as he relished in having you back in real life 3D

since you were gone he kept playing as your game avatars

Using ai set ups to feel like he was with you again in VR

That noble will not stand a chance against his fury

Satan:

He wasn't sure if he was mad at you or himself

It was most likely both - mad you left and let someone just destory so much work and progression in one meeting

But mad at himself for not making you feel secure

He couldn't bring himself to hug you but that was because he was scared he wouldn't let go

"I knew that Noble was nothing but a menace-! You can't listen to people like him, he's just trying to get to you and tear us apart - I don't know why he would do that but he isn't right, he will never EVER be right! You are yourself and never will be Lilith, I didn't get to me her or really know who she was but I do know you will never be her and never were her! I care so much about you and I will make sure to keep my stupid brothers to never make you feel that way again, I've missed you so much (Y/N)."

In the end, he fell into your arms

Holding you tight as he let out his tears of frustration go

You apologized but he just told you to shut up, he didn't want you to be sorry for being the victim

He already had plans on what he's going to do to that noble, trying to push those thoughts away

Focusing on how wonderful it is to have you close

Asmodeus:

As soon as he could reach you, he pulled you into an embrace

Shaking his head as tears streamed down

His makeup already starting to to drip along work his tears

"No! No! No! Noooo!! Don't listen to that horrible noble! He isn't right at all, he doesn't know anything about us or you! He obviously doesn't know how much we care about you and like you as your own person, I never meant to make you feel as if you were some sort of replacement! Lilith was her own being and so are you, your connection means nothing! I i will always be happy knowing my sister got to live the life she wanted but you aren't apart of that, your life is your own and you are nothing like her! I love you because you're you! I couldn't imagine ever loving someone as much as I love you, please come back to the devildom!"

He nuzzled his cheek against yours

Thankful to have you back in his arms again

He didn't like getting his hands messy but no one was going to make you feel that way ever again

He didn't care about that demons status

Beezlebub:

His hand landed on the top of your head

You flinched not expecting such a gentle pat but it only broke his heart more

"That noble knows nothing about you or any of us, he's turned my sister into an enemy to our relationship and I will not let that go on for any longer! You are not her and not her replacement, how dare he make you feel that way! you're apart of my family and I'll have it no other way, I really love you and missed you everyday you were gone - I was scared I'd never feel full again, you make me feel complete and when you disappeared I knew I wouldn't be able to protect you, I would of never forgiven myself if you got hurt! I want to always be able to protect you and have you by my side and make you feel happy - I promise I won't fail you again."

He almost fell to his knees once he was done

He was ready to swear to you on one knee, like a true knight

But instead hugged you

Mindful not to squeeze too hard but let himself be selfish and hold you tighter than he would normally dare to

He was one prone to be violent unless it was in sports or he was starved - the Noble starved him of your touch and kindness

He'll break more than just rooms once he gets his hands on that Noble

Belphegor:

He spun you to face him

Demanding

Needing your attention on him

It was only a few days but it felt like forever since he's had your eyes on him

"You're no pawn and no replacement, you are you and that's all I want, I don't want any one else, I know I've made you feel like a replacement - i did something horrible to you and then tried to make it seem like it was all okay after, I'm always trying to make up for that day but I know that is something that will always effect us! I missed you so much....you are your own person and you've helped me be a better person, come back home and let me make this right......you're all I want and need."

He broke down crying

Hanging his head low and it dropped onto your shoulder

He loosely held your waist whilst you gripped onto him tight

If everyone thought choking you was bad, just wait until they see what he plans to do with that noble

He couldn't stand seeing you so upset anymore

UNDATEABLES↓

Diavolo:

He gently held your arm

Giving it a small squeeze as tears built up

"He said all that? I'm sorry he made you feel like that, to feel such confliction and dread, You are never will be or were my pawn, you're a fantastic student and wonderful person who's did more than I've ever imagined Someone could do, if I could have asked you myself properly to be apart of the exchange program I would of but the world is not yet ready to merge and be aware of our existence.... please you have my deepest apologies and regrets that you felt this way and I've allowed such a person in my court, I will do whatever I can to make this right."

The tears finally fell and he became selfish

Hugging you tight against him, his fingers brushing against any skin he could touch

He couldn't dare to think how he'll be when you finally do leave the program

But until that time comes he needed to make it a good experience for you

If what barbatos did to him wasn't enough to convince him then he will not go back on his word

He'll fix this and do whatever he can to make all the pain stop

Barbatos:

He sighed in relief seeing you in the flesh

Knees buckling as he stood before you

His knuckles bloodied and bruised under his gloves

"I should of been more comforting when I found you, if I had known that was what he said I would of never let him be apart of the lord's court or be at that party, believe me when I say you are not a pawn or someone's replacement - you are so much more than that, you are you and someone that's made me feel closer to the present, to act quicker and stop using endless time as a excuse, I will fix this and make him regret ever uttering a word to you, I promise you."

Your touch was as gentle as ever

He caved, leaning against you

Happy to be able to make amends and fix the situation

The nobles dealt with him once and no matter what he did it wasn't enough

But he was merely holding back to be a gentleman, even if that noble now looks like a beaten raisin

It seemed he will have to do much worse to send everyone's message across

Solomon:

His face was gentle yet scolding

He gently brushed your cheek, wiping away a stray tear

"don't run off next time something like this happens, your life is so short and I hate to think would could happen if I lost you because you felt isolated even from me, you though you could find solace as both of us are humans but I was slow to understand your needs - you are deeply loved by everyone, I envy how much love you get and that's why I can't stand to see you run! I also love you and your presence, you have been so kind to me and I still have so much to teach you- please believe me when I say you're no one's pawn or replacement, you're important because you're you."

You crumbled completely

He hugged you as you apologized, calling yourself an idioit

But it only made him tsk, rubbing your back as he filled your ears with praises

He was sure the demons were going to rip that Noble to shreds but he couldn't help but desire his own revenge

Seeing you like this hurt him so much

Simeon:

He was so quick and gentle you could of mistaken him as a feather

He embraced you, cradling your head and rubbed soothing circles between your shoulder blades

"I was worried about you, I took you home and then I learn you've completely disappeared! No warning or note behind, you ran away - your feelings are extremely valid and I understand why you did this, It must of been so conflicting and you needed space to think and reflect, you're so strong (Y/N)! but you are also smarter than this, I feel ashamed knowing I haven't showed you how much I appreciate you being in my life and make sure you feel secure in the Devildom, I want to look over you but I've failed you already, that Noble does not know what he's talking about regardless of the information he has! I would never let anyone use you or let anyone treat you as some replacement, we all care so much about you."

He slightly swayed with you in his arms

Overwhelmed by his fears and the emotions that were rushing through him

He promised to never harm an innocent soul

That noble did not have one

He will leave the more physically destructive rage to the others

Wanting to merely talk and show the noble the error of his ways

Bonus:

You were back in the Devildom, Everyone was making sure to spend extra time with you. So happy to have you back and wanting to work on making you feel more secure. You couldn't stop how fast your heart was beating from all the overwhelming joy you felt.

It felt so good to be back. But you nagging worry remained in your head; what was going to happen to the Noble? you wished you could go up to him and yell at him. Prove him wrong and make him regret ever making you spiral like that.

When you brought up the idea, the men all looked at each other. A knowing look in their eye.

"I'm sorry, (Y/N) but I think it's best you don't see him but rest assured, we've dealt with him on your behalf and understand your wishes - let us know how we can help you feel resolved from that situation if this is unsatisfactory."

Diavolo answered. If it weren't the state the noble was in they'd happily let you chew him out but your heart and mind have been through enough already. No need to add on to the hurt with seeing what was left of him. They couldn't stand to see you upset again.

But you agreed, thanking them for their support and handling the situation. Unaware of their true actions. They all wished you a great day before going back to their own private meeting.

[solradguy]

I never really think about it, but Sol Badguy is really smart! I’m still not entirely sure sure how smart he is though, like compared to everyone else. He built the OUTRAGE right?

I feel like he’s smarter than Ky? Ky knows how to do magic really good, but I don’t think he could build an OUTRAGE. I think Jack O’ is a little smarter than Sol, but she’s an artificial being with the transplanted soul of a scientist. I’m not sure if that affects the ratings.

Is there like…an official answer to how smart Sol is? Do you have any thoughts?

Ahhh I have so many thoughts about how smart Sol is hahah

Ok this got long as shit so I'm putting it under a readmore lmfaoooo

He did build the original Outrage, it's true, and then that was split apart into the 8 Sacred Treasures. The lightning one went to Ky for Thunderseal and the fire one for Sol's Fireseal sword that he had up until Xrd. Junkyard Dog, Sol's Xrd (and Vastedge....) sword, also has the Flashing Fang (the light element treasure) alongside Fireseal so that, after it was upgraded into the Outrage mk.II sword in Strive, it could do the giant laser cannon nonsense spell, Saint Oratorio. EDIT: Sorry, Junkyard Dog could do Saint Oratorio too but IIRC we don't see it until Sol does it with Outrage in Strive

Vastedge is frustrating as hell to find information on (even in Japanese UGH!!), but I'm pretty sure it covers Sol stealing Flashing Fang from the Conclave and then getting a little help from Izuna and his buddies to upgrade the Junkyard Dog sword. Vastedge probably has some lore in it that gives more of an idea for how smart Sol is too. I just don't have access to it.

Anyway, Sol did most of this almost entirely on his own. It's also implied that he built his motorcycle too, Fire-Wheel mk.II, and then at the end of Strive he's also building a rocket, presumably to go visit Asuka on the moon. Not to mention all the research he did on Gear cells to make them viable for the technology that lead to the actual Gear monsters, though he had help from Asuka and Aria on that. We also know that he's proficient with at least 1 programming language and whatever software he used to make that cute 3D flower hologram for Aria in that Xrd flashback. These aren't really up there with building a friggin rocket for sure lol but they're not easy things anyone could pick up and figure out in just a day either.

Sol's REALLY smart, definitely in the top 5 smartest GG characters, but I think he underplays it a lot because he doesn't like getting involved and if people realize exactly how smart he is, then they'll want his help for stuff more than they already do haha. He's also kind of lazy and seems to like taking shortcuts when he can too. There's a scene near the end of Overture where he needs to figure out how to decode this magic cube to re-open the portal from the Backyard back on to Earth and instead of crunching the numbers and doing it the right way, he just smashes it and somehow it works lmfao I think Sol would resort to concussive maintenance before other methods 9 times out of 10.

If Sol was a D&D character, he'd probably have really high intelligence but only an average wisdom stat, imo.

Ky is smart too, but the difference between the two is that Ky seems like the type who reads a book and then makes flashcards to help him remember the information in it. Whereas Sol either only reads the parts he needs to know or he only reads through it once and when he has to apply that knowledge to something, he guesses his way through it based on what he remembers. Apparently in Lightning the Argent, it covers how lightning magic is the most difficult to master and fire magic is implied to be the easiest, with how many characters can use it. I feel like that information supports the difference between Sol and Ky's ways of thinking. Sol had a LONG time to study and get good with machines too and Ky is only like ~30 in Strive. Given over 100 years to read manuals and experiment, Ky could probably build rockets and stuff too.

I don't really have much to add about how smart Jack-O' might be, she just doesn't have a lot of lore at the moment... I think she has a scene where she goes into depth about Backyard mechanics but, like you said, she's an artificial being with an extra consciousness inside her so that information was likely hardcoded into her. It would probably be a safe guess to assume she's smarter than the average human, but I don't have anything to point to that supports her having near-superhuman levels of intelligence like Asuka or Sol seem to have.

[ghosttrolls]

My Ghost, My Son

After taking literally forever to write this, it’s done!!  A few people have asked me to tag them when I finished it so here @horrendoushag @narwhalsarefalling @amabsis @imdeadtiredtm 

This is posted to AO3 and FFN! I’ll post the first part here under a readmore but please follow the links to read the full thing! Thank you 

One

Maddie thought he looked so familiar. 

She hunted ghosts for a living, her inventions paying for her work - her and her husband Jack’s work - and she made a point of keeping her town safe. Jack was never the best at it, but that was okay. For you to love someone, they don’t have to be good at anything except loving you back. Loving meant working together, to her. And so they worked together. They were the Fentons, after all.

There’d been this ghost that they’d been hunting - Jack called him the “Ghost Kid” - just a young boy, with white hair and a black jumpsuit. When he got angry, his eyes flashed green, and you knew you were in for trouble. He’d caused so much damage and distress over fights he’d pick with other, always larger ghosts. Maddie and Jack had both assessed it as just petty ghost squabbles. The kid was very argumentative. Jack wanted to study the ghost, take it apart. Maddie wasn’t sure exactly why. She meant to ask, but didn’t want to know.

The thing about ghosts is that no matter how much time passes, they don’t age the same way that humans do. Most of the ghosts they’d come across that appeared to be children had crossed over decades ago, sometimes longer. And they were stronger for it. Any ghost was a threat. Too many times, they’d let their guard down around a child ghost, and came away sorry.

But in this moment, Maddie questioned their assessment of the Ghost Boy for the first time. Maddie had responded to a ghost fight - the ecto-signatures were off the charts, the little screens beeping nonstop. A ghost that called himself Plasmius had started a battle with the Ghost Boy, or maybe it was the other way around. They were yelling at each other in front of the Nasty Burger restaurant, throwing punches and mostly just arguing, with more than a little showing off. Maddie got out of the car, watching the battle, waiting for a moment to act. It seemed like a fistfight now, but at any moment it could escalate... And just like that, almost on cue, Plasmius shot an ecto-blast at the Ghost Boy - and missed. The shot continued on, hitting the Fenton family car, and bouncing off, heading right towards Maddie. 

In a split second, Maddie heard the Ghost Boy yell “NO!!” and suddenly, there he was, in front of her. She watched the blast head towards him. She watched him throw his hands into the air, trying to cover as much as possible. His head was twisted towards her to make sure she was alright as he fell, and a realization struck her. His face up close was so familiar... 

The Ghost Boy hit the ground, groaning. “Plasmius, you idiot!” shouted the kid, voice strained by pain and anger. He was curled up - it was safe to bet he was hit somewhere in the stomach. Shocked, Maddie stood there, unsure of what to do. If this were a normal human kid, she’d know how to act - she was properly certified in the appropriate emergency procedures. But she’d never thought to help an injured ghost before. 

She looked up to the sky, to see what the ghost Plasmius was doing. But she couldn’t see him anywhere. “What a jerk,” she mumbled. Shooting and running.

“Coward, more like it,” groaned the Ghost Boy. He coughed. “Hope you’re okay.” She nodded, searching for words. Before she could say anything, he said, “Bye,” and with that, he phased into the ground, disappearing.

Maddie stood there, wondering how to process this. It all happened so fast. She got in the car, ready to head back to the house. Jack was still at home. They’d already started making dinner and it couldn’t go unsupervised, so he’d stayed behind. She wondered if she should even tell him what happened. 

Maddie walked through her front door, opening directly into the living room. Against the far wall was the couch, which her son Danny was lying on, holding his stomach. He was facing the wall, back to Maddie. In the kitchen, she heard Jack and their daughter Jazz laughing about something. 

Maddie went and knelt next to the couch, trying to examine Danny. “What’s wrong?” she asked.

“Got hit in the stomach,” he said, strained.

“You got into another fight at school? How many times-”

“I wasn’t fighting any kids!” interrupted Danny, rolling over to face Maddie. His face was full of anger, with a sharp glint in his eyes. They reminded Maddie of someone… 

Danny sighed. “It was a stupid move, but I jumped in front of someone else that was going to get hurt.” Maddie was surprised - her son was angry, everyone knew that, and he got into fights often. But she’d never heard of him breaking one up before. “I couldn’t stand to see… someone else get hurt,” he said. He rolled back over. 

“Well… I suppose that’s okay, then.” She leaned forward and kissed the back of his head. “Don’t tell your father.” She got up to get him an ice pack.

After dinner she and Jack were cleaning up, alone in the kitchen. Lost in thought, she scrubbed a plate in the sink, for a little too long. “He reminds me of Danny…” she said, quietly. The anger, the short fuse - but actions that show a good heart, deep inside. She looked up at Jack, who hadn't heard her. 

Maddie thought of the ice pack she’d given her son. She thought about the ghost who'd helped her that night, and how he would most likely be alone in recovering. Why would he risk himself like that for her? After all, she'd spent months already hunting the ghost. Why would he protect her after fighting for so long? She wondered if he was playing some kind of game. 

She realized the risk must have been huge, for him. She'd only ever seen him alone, fighting someone or some ghost. Never with anyone else. 

“Do you think he has parents?” she asked. Jack looked up from packaging leftovers. “The ghost boy, I mean.”

Jack spoke without thinking, screwing a lid onto some Tupperware. “No, he's a ghost, of course not.” But as Maddie continued to scrub, he pondered the question a little longer. Maddie wondered what he was thinking - of course his initial reaction was no, he'd been hunting this ghost alongside her. But after a moment of pause… “I guess I’ve never really thought about a question like that before,” he said. “Maybe… but he's a ghost that wrecks havoc, Maddie! Why would that even matter?” 

“I don't know,” she said. “I guess… sometimes, there's moments when he reminds me of Danny. The way his eyes get so angry. But there's kindness, too…” she trailed off. “Does he have parents to go home to when he's hurt? Is there anyone caring for him, at all?” She kept imagining that ghost, alone, floating around the Ghost Zone… healing from his fights on his own. 

Jack put down the Tupperware. “What happened at the ghost fight tonight? You said it was routine,” he said, and then sighed. “But, I guess… no ghost is ‘routine,’ is it?” He sat back down at the table, looking at his wife expectantly. “Tell me.” 

Maddie didn't turn away from her dishes. “It's just -- he saved me, Jack. Plasmius shot at me with a blast, and the Ghost Boy just jumped in front of me without thinking. He took the hit. I worry that he's alone out there… but why did he do it, Jack? What could he possibly gain from all this?” Maddie dropped her sponge and plate into the sink with a splash. “Why am I here scrubbing dishes instead of investigating?”

“And why didn't you tell me sooner?” asked Jack with a pointed eyebrow. “Listen, honey, maybe it doesn't mean anything…”

“That just doesn't feel like the right answer, though,” sighed Maddie, sitting at the table across from her husband. She rested her face in her palms. “Maybe there isn't a right answer. But I want to learn the truth. We've never bothered to learn about the Ghost Boy as a person, really. Who is he? Why does he fight all these ghosts anyway? Where does he go to rest at night?”

“That's a lot of questions,” said Jack. “We can't answer all of them right away.” He paused, thinking. Maddie knew he'd be resistant to research like this. “But we can take some time to study… see what he's really about.” It was a middle ground argument, on unsure footing. But she decided she’d take it. 

“Great,” said Maddie. “Let's start tomorrow night.”

[janeelyakiri]

How would they go about telling their mate the good news?

Under readmore for- Pregnancy, Mentions of Related Complications, and slight Gender Dysphoria. Also bc I went wild and it's long

Macaw- He's nervous, and not feeling too great about it. His Mate would have to ask him, and he'd take them somewhere private to show them. If they both agree they want a souling, there needs to be arrangements made to help him along, as Macaw's only 10HP.

Lupo- He's barely able to keep it a secret! He almost rushes out of his room when his mate returns, soul still in hand! Scandalous! But once things are settled he tells them, and hugs them tight! He's so happy!!

Falcon- Well... shit... This is uh, gonna be awkward. He's happy yeah! But uh... Wasn't expecting /him/ to be the carrier... Oh man wait-- means he gets to miss work!! HELL YEAH!! Sorry boss can't go rough some guys up your nibling might get hurt! Heheheh! Oh right and of course he tells his mate, purring and cuddling with them and getting saucy about it.

Jackal- This is the MOST. UNEXPECTED. THING... But they're happy either way. It means having to shuffle their plans around, returning the smaller maternity clothes for something their size... Getting Falcon to run things for a while. Jackal tells their mate calmly, but it's clear they're excited.

Jay- He's not happy. He deals with self image issues as it is. He tells his Mate, but it's clear he's got a lot to work through. He puts in a leave of absence with the Star Sanses, not explaining why. He holes himself up for a while, his brother won't find out till Jay can't hide it. He at least takes care of himself, and will love the baby unconditionally. But he's not attempting another souling ever after that.

Fox- He doesn't even think to check! It's a while before he even realizes that weird heavy feeling in his soul isn't him on the verge of death. It's a baby! Then he's so happy! He will tell his mate the good news, then demand pampering from /everyone/.

Crow- His mate finds him crying. It takes coaxing, but he'll show them. A little souling... And Crow is so afraid. He wants to be happy, the souling looks healthy, but he's afraid.

Hound- Eagerly takes a PICTURE of his soul with the souling and sends it to his mate! He's so stupidly happy he doesn't realize he sent a soul pic! Better hope no one's looking at Mate's phone you idiot! When his mate comes home, he scoops them up into a kiss, and purrs out a question, wondering if his mate could possibly carry one while he has one~?

Vulture- What? The heck?? This shouldn't be possible? He's not the most stable monster, nor the highest magic wise. He's a little wary, but tells his mate. Then sets them down for a long, 'this might not happen' talk. Asking if they're okay with him trying to carry. And the risks that come with it. Vulture would be fine, but the souling...

Hyena- He's so excited! He tells his mate by throwing his own babyshower! Forcing Killer and Dust to attend. His brother is there to help keep them in line. Nightmare offers congrats and a thanks for the snack, aka killer and dust's misery.

Robin- No no nO NO NO-

Dingo- Gobsmacked. He tells his brother first, then his mate. He's purring and happy, his brother dotes even more on him. And also makes sure the mate takes care of Dingo's every need.

[bottlecapbaby]

Imagine an AU where Sole turns out to be a Synth created by Father to take over the Institute after him, with all of their pre-War memories being a fabrication. How do you think the companions would react?

Sorry if this is lame! I’m in a little funk

Putting in a readmore cause this is a lil long!

Cait: She needs some time to think on this… alone. Fuck. This is kinda having her rethink her life, a little. She hates synths. But she can’t deny that she’s never hated Sole. Maybe things are a little more complicated with synths than she realized… could this really be true?

Curie: She thinks it is a surprise, certainly. In fact, she laughs! All of this time she has been looking to Sole as her mentor and guide in all things human, when really, Sole was never human themselves. How strange life can be. To Curie… Sole is still the model of humanity they always were.

Danse: Well, for once he can say, I know exactly what that feels like. He’s dedicated, more so than ever, to be there for Sole as they come to terms with their identity. He wants to be there for them in the same way they were there for him.

Deacon: Woah. Talk about one he wasn’t expecting. No one at HQ is gonna believe him. He’s got tons of questions! There’s so much he wants to ask that he’s never had the guts to ask Glory. To him, this only makes their part in the saga of the Railroad that much more epic!

Hancock: He thinks it’s pretty remarkable that pretty much the best, most heroic and humane person he’s met in the Commonwealth isn’t really human at all. He’s sure there’s some message about irony and humanity in there… but he doesn’t prove far enough to find it.

Gage: He doesn’t much care. Obviously, Sole isn’t there to further the gains of the institute, since they had no idea themselves. They still know how to get shit done, how to keep people in line, so at the end of the day, does it really matter?

MacCready: He’s shocked, and full of stupid questions for them. Like, do they need to still eat and sleep and pee n stuff?? And it’s like MacCready. You’ve seen me do all of those things.

Nick Valentine: He knows what it’s like to have fabricated memories, to have your identity kicked out from under you in a way you can’t ever quite recover from. He’s there for them if they need him.

Old Longfellow: He becomes a touch wary, withdrawn. If Cap’n was one of those imposters all along, what did that really mean for the two of them? He’ll still back their corner, any day of the week, but he has some thinking to do.

Piper: This is kinda incredible. And although she knows practically everything about them already from all the time spent travelling, she wants another interview. A synth with pre-war memories? She hasn’t seen that since Nicky.

Preston: To him, the General is still the General. It doesn’t change what good they’ve done for the Commonwealth, that they chose to help when they could’ve easily walked away. Their humanity hasn’t detracted from their nobility.

X6-88: There are few things that truly surprise X6, but for once, his silence is from being rendered speechless. Suppose the two of them have more in common than he realized. Maybe that’s why he likes them.

Codsworth: Well… as far as he’s considered, they’re still the master of the house. What’s left of it. They kept him company, risked life and limb to find young Shaun. He may be a machine himself, but he knows enough to tell that the things they felt upon emergence were real. He’ll still be proud to serve them.

Strong: Strong doesn’t understand. Puny human isn’t actually a human at all? Doesn’t matter. As long as leader has strength, Strong doesn’t care what they call themselves.

Dogmeat: He doesn’t really understand why everyone is acting different about Sole now! Nothing is different about Sole. Still smells the same, still throws ball good, still gives good pets.

[ranvwoop]

TALK ABOUT AMERICAN HEALTHCARE I HAVE AN IDEA OF WHY IT'S THERE BUT I WANNA HEAR THE EXPLANATION ALSO THE ONLY HOUSE THAT"S NOT ON FIRE (YET) FOR THE SAME REASON I JUST WANNA SEE THE ANALYSIS:TM: IF U WANT I WANNA SEE IF I GOT IT RIGHT :D

Hi :DDD. Thank u for asking,,,, I have many thoughts. I am sorry in advance. This is one of those things I will put under a readmore because I am into rambling. IT GOT A LOT LONGER THAN ANTICIPATED IM SORRY. Like. a lot. It was 4 pages in google docs because i dont trust tumblr to save my drafts

Okay a lot of my Ranboo thoughts are about the syndicate / boreal trio / peerpressure duo. But you’re probably aware I am a Them enthusiast first and both a dsmp enjoyer and person second. Because. I really like the syndicate. I also don’t have too too many thoughts on the more recent lore past the experiments. Once the in character monologues stopped, so did my brain. I communicate through monologue to monologue communication.

American Healthcare is actually gonna be the main reason why this is so long bc it works Very Much for like three different reasons. One sorta niche and abstracter reason is a stream that was basically never elaborated on back in March, either the day after or very close to the peerpressure Egg confrontation stream. The egg called him a coward (for some reason my brain can Only come up with the “stop saying i look like chicken little. he’s dumb, and a coward, and i am NOT a coward” vine), and he is not a coward, so he decided to make an action plan to bring the server together by acting as a mediator for all parties and try to make sure that everyone is happy, because he’s the only one that can see all sides, or something. This was where he said the big happy family™ line but other than Ranboo Become Dream?? analysis nothing else really happened and everything went along as normal.

(I also always held a little bit of suspicion on this stream actually and thought it might be the influence of the egg, because it says it can give one whatever they want, and ranboo wants to make everyone happy and this was a totally foolproof way of doing that. Sort of in a similar way that BBH is convinced that his plan will totally make Skeppy happy. But also Ranboo is just like that, but this felt a little more on the nose than usual and he did fall into the egg and made his decisions after being egged on by it, buT WE’LL NEVER KNOW, WILL WE?

… also I really wanted to see more egg conflict at the time. Peerpressure rlly got involved in the egg plot for cameos at the banquet and nothing else. I do not blame anyone and respect the ccs for all of their attempts to weave plots together but also. also…. we.. we coulda had so much…)

That was a little off topic from the point, but… he really just thinks he can save the sick… he can see that everyone on the server is unwell and is wrong but, y’know, look inwardly, the unwell is coming from inside the house. And an inherent problem of the way that the server runs. And if this is still lowkey in effect or not (idk man a) ranboo has monologued a lot I simply chose a one off from march to grow emotionally attached to and b) i think that my brain has shut off once ranboo stopped solo lore streams), it would probably go the way that most choosing to change the system from the inside goes. Which is the point of the song and stuff! He will inevitably decide what’s too far, whether he will either admit it’s a choice or just feel that it’s what he has to do. The, uh, dealing with the devil, to be polite.

in conclusion (but we are not close to done here i’m holding you for a bit longer), i think a lot about that stream and i think that shows what he wants to be, at the very least, and continuing down that path would definitely go into being far more trouble than just a noble goal of wanting to help people, from negotiating with corruption (The lobbyists, the Congressmen and lies bit) and that the server can’t really be brought together and saved like that (When things are more and more this way / Sometimes it's like they'd rather die)

THE LESS. vwoop why have you written an unnecessarily long post about one stream in your playlist character analysis reason is both more literal and piece by piece and also Syndicate, My Beloved, you know the drill. We are going line by line because I have a lot of feelings about American Healthcare, apparently.

This also comes back to that everyone on the server is doing Really Badly, all of the time, but mostly his time in L’Manburg. For one, he is pretty complacent in everything and doesn’t really accomplish much in terms of actual change, so like Well people die every day / I wouldn't have it any other way / I just think they should feel good while they are alive. An example of this is Exiled Tommy — who I’d also metaphorically put as the dead man just for funsies, since Tommy’s whole exile thing was one of the first things Ranboo experienced on the server—as he did try to be friends with Tommy and keep him company with his letters, but he still has no power over the actual issue at hand. Just trying to make it a bit more bearable. Similarly is Techno, while Ranboo still participated in the butcher army that was trying to kill him, he helped in the meantime until he “died”.

And then it’s the Realization that participating in the system doesn’t really help much, and the subsequent Everything. It could be getting mad at the whole government system and that he didn’t mean to contribute to the harm, or how he fought with Fundy using hs ideology but not in the way that Ranboo thought. It could also be standing up to his hallucination Dream, in that he doesn’t try this hard to be a good person just to be accused of helping with all of the things that he may or may not have helped with. (That is… a discussion for not right now, I don’t know.) And I think this sort of area is also where it’s like they’d rather die is also relevant, cause Doomsday. Nobody could just set aside their governments and just get along, though Ranboo had his own solution to fighting and things.

And then he joins the Syndicate! And the lyrics of the song are directly Government Bad, because government bad. Canon anarchist, has done things that he’s not proud of as a part of the government. The lines it was the government / … It got louder over the years / Until all that I could hear was flies and all.

But honestly I think in the Syndicate he’s still trying to “save the sick”! Because the Syndicate don’t All fit eye to eye either. He’s the token pacifist, and a vote against violence whenever it comes down to it. Not all anarchists are violent but Techno and Phil will probably react strongly when provoked, due to All the past events, and I live in a world where their trauma and issues get talked about as much as everyone else’s. Since everything is decided by vote it’d probably be split between them and Ranboo + Niki, who is in her healing/no longer resorting to murder arc. He’ll help them negotiate and then everything will Be Okay, ideally.

(Also I just like the idea of Ranboo believing that he is helping the people he’s living with because canonically cc!Ranboo has said he just really cares about his family and the syndicate are included in his family shut up but they also just believe they’re helping him and yes it’s self indulgent. I care them. Particularly Endduo, actually, or whatever they're called, I am not bold enough to think Ranboo looks at Techno and thinks I Can Fix Him, but. Philza Minecraft will one day talk about his feelings. One day.)

There’s also radioduo and beeduo as of recent— really I’m just saying I think that Ranboo constantly has a Need To Help People, believes he can do it, and it will come back to hurt him in the end (except for the Syndicate because I’m in denial. The Syndicate can’t fall out if they never stream together :) ).

THIS CONCLUDES THE AMERICAN HEALTHCARE PORTION OF OUR SHOW.

The Only House That’s Not on Fire Yet !! I like this one. This is also blatantly there cause Syndicate. They are the only faction that is not actively falling apart, and this could absolutely be because they never stream together. But I do not care. However we are also going to go through this one piece by piece because we’re nearing 1500 words here and I might as well embarrass myself more. I am writing an incredibly informal essay about Ranboo My _Beloved (i assume his middle name is My, and he’s just one of those people who write his full full name) and this is the third page. If you’re still reading this, I’m sorry. Here we go.

There are lines that just seem like an unwell but recovering person, and I like to sort of think that way about Ranboo in the arctic during the down time. “I feel knotted up today / But in a most exquisite way” and “I feel strangely regular / But honestly I prefer it to / The usual bizarre” are just! He’s just hanging out. He’s doing good. There is the acknowledgement that he’s usually not doing well, and all of the episodes that he’s had in the past, and it’s probably strange to be doing well in the midst of everything, and there’s probably something impending, but now? He’s doing good!

The verses directly after both of those ones are about uncertainty and trust and such, and I feel like that’s not necessarily about just One relationship but all of them. Will cause problems as long as he has an accomplice. He is not confident but he trusts and loves people.

“This suit doesn’t fit me / I made it conterfeitly” I just like to think about Ranboo in his fancy suit, but it’s just a little wrong because he actually has no idea what he’s doing. I also like to think about Ranboo in a cape to fit in with boreal trio and later the syndicate, and emerald duo had matchy blue outfits from the Antarctic Empire… and trying to fit in with them…. or maybe They make him something.. You know. Much to think about.

“Killing me with déjà vu” I think is like. A little less fun, because despite how well things are going, the enderwalk is still not resolved and he had even less answers when I started thinking “this is a ranboo song”. Just as it relates to having a strange sense of reality and stuff, which goes into specifics of enderwalk headcanons, which would make this far longer. Even though I’ve framed it as a negative, there is also the more positive note of “Oh! I just thought of how to change all the hate / Into love with the old switcheroo / Dancing in my déjà vu / You'll be dancing too” which I’d rather explain broken up but I feel like as it’s a full verse it should be together. The first part is connected to my general thoughts of him explained earlier tbh, he’s trying Very Hard to make everyone happy and fix things. And adding the second part to it is just like! He is trying to make sense of everything, and it’s not so scary as time goes by. Since the experiments where he’s been (questionably) trying to be more comfortable and get more answers.

This was very long. I am sorry. I am ending it here and probably not going to do much formatting to make it readable because it is very late o’clock and also this is four pages and 2000 words I am so sorry. But if you read this far then. Uhhh thank. ^v^.

[supercasey]

TF2 RED Headcanons by an idiot that can’t pay attention well enough to read the comics

Back on my bullshit, because I apparently can’t shut up tonight. This is gonna be a big, possibly in-cohesive mess, and will probably have more focus on Scout, Pyro, Sniper, and Spy since they’re my favs, but I still felt like writing down all my dumb headcanons/ideas regarding everyone’s favorite mercenaries (at the moment at least; I might make another post like this later on, hopefully after I’ve read the comics)! Sorry if any of these seem OOC, I’m just goofin’! (Putting this under a readmore because WOW this got LONG)

Every Sunday afternoon, Scout, Pyro, and eventually Sniper when he tells everyone that he's a trans guy, hold a makeshift “Trans Buddy Club” meeting, which mostly consists of Scout mindlessly rambling about drama on base, Pyro nodding along, and Sniper occasionally adding his two cents/spilling tea as well.

Scout can speak fluent French, on account of his mom making sure to teach it to him so he could have more of a connection to his dad, but no one found out until a little after Spy told Scout he was his dad. It wasn’t long after this that Scout revealed that this entire time, he’s known every single thing that Spy's ever said to him in French, but he didn't say anything because he thought it would be funny to keep the ruse going (also because he really liked being praised in secret). Cue Spy freaking tf out because oh no, now his kid knows that he's secretly a huge softie for not only his son, but his whole team.

Sometimes Spy and Scout talk shit in French right there in front of the team, but no one has any fucking idea what they’re saying and to be honest it’s pissing Soldier off the most, much to the father and son duo’s amusement.

Pyro secretly has a little black rabbit named Lucifer (Lucy for short) in their bedroom, which they only take out to get some fresh air and hop around very early in the morning, before anyone else is awake. The only people who know are Medic, Spy, and surprisingly enough Soldier, whose raccoons became friends with Lucy.

Sniper has a goldfish in his RV, but it died three months after he joined the team; he has no idea though because Miss Pauling replaces it every time one passes away, so now Sniper is convinced he has the world’s oldest goldfish.

Scout and Soldier both really want a dog, but they're not allowed to have one on-base. :(

((Heavy plans on sneaking a dog in next Christmas and no one can stop him. It’s gonna be a Border Collie named Bandit, and it gets the most attached to Scout and Heavy.))

Demo is no longer allowed to make mixed drinks for parties; the last time he did, he got everyone so shitfaced that they had to cancel work for three days in a row in order to recover from it.

Continuing off of that: drunk headcanons.

Demoman: Unassuming drunk. Acts like he usually does, unless he’s gotten particularly shitfaced for a party/event, in which case he’ll be slurring so bad that no one can understand him anymore.

Pyro: Giggly drunk. Is just laughing the whole fucking night at nothing in particular, which scares anyone who’s still sober. If they’re too far gone, they’ll start mumbling something that sounds like it’s in Spanish.

Spy: Party drunk. An absolute fucking mess, he’s trying to impress everyone and keep their attention on him, which usually leads to him standing on tables and dancing until he falls and passes out.

Sniper: Sleepy drunk. Out like a fucking light at the slighest bit of alcohol. If he wakes up and keeps drinking though, he’ll just be slurring like Demo, only with a lot more anger in his voice. Let him sleep, or he’ll fucking stab you to death.

Scout: Clumsy drunk. Bumps into anything and everything; eventually has to be given a sippy cup for his alcohol because he dropped three glasses in a row. Talks even faster than usual, until he accidentally fucking pukes on someone.

Soldier: Calm drunk. Instead of getting loud and aggressive like most would think/fear, he’s just… chillin'. Just watches the shitshow as it happens, not even laughing when people get hurt/fall down. Kinda terrifying if we’re being honest here.

Engineer: Depressed drunk. His depression goes through the roof if he has too much, so he doesn't drink more than a few beers if he can help it. If he does accidentally drink too much, he'll be sobbing his eyes out in no time flat.

Heavy: Cuddly drunk. It’s very, very hard to get him drunk, since he’s really good at holding his liquor, but if you do, he’s gonna be hugging and carrying everyone he can get his hands on; you can expect him to have Medic and/or Pyro on his lap once he’s drunk enough.

Medic: Angry drunk. He wants to start fights with fucking everyone, all his rage coming out once he’s had a few too many; god help anyone who tries to stop him. Luckily for all involved, Heavy is more than capable of holding him still until he tires himself out.

BONUS Miss Pauling: Dumbass drunk. With too many bottles in her, she’s gonna be the one shouting and encouraging Spy to act reckless, while also encouraging Engie to drink more because quitting is for losers. Will pass out within an hour or so of downing her first drink.

BONUS The Administrator: Stereotypical drunk. Slurring, stumbling, she’s got the whole nine yards, but she’ll be damned before she let’s anyone see her that messed up. Secretly sips wine at work.

Okay, back to my rambling.

My personal headcanon names and ages for Scout’s older brothers, going from oldest to youngest: Grant 34, Timothy 32, Jacob 31, Arthur 31, Patrick 30, Malcolm 27, Curtis 26, and Jeremy (Scout) 23.

((Also, I’mma go off on my headcanon personalities for them, which are based off of how I’ve tried portraying them in my "Jeremy" fic.))

Grant - 34 years old - Bisexual - Occupation: Veteran/Construction worker - Personality: the oldest of the bunch, he takes it upon himself to keep his little brothers in line/help Ma out as much as he can. Enlisted in the Air Force after he graduated high school, and still takes a lot of pride in his veteran status after serving overseas three separate times. The family peacemaker.

Timothy - 32 years old - Homosexual - Occuptaion: Cartoonist - Personality: the gentlest of his brothers, he often gets roped into helping Grant keep the pack from running too wild. Bit of a softie; loves his husband and loves his job. Closest relationship is with Scout. Doesn’t approve of Scout being a merc but is too scared to say so. The family heart.

Jacob - 31 years old - Heterosexual - Occupation: Freelance guitarist - Personality: the firstborn of the only set of twins, Jacob is a lot more abrasive and instigating than his twin brother. Can’t grow a beard for shit, which pisses him off. Doesn’t get along well with Timmy, despite them both being talented and devoted artists. The family sword.

Arthur - 31 years old - Pansexual - Occupation: Carpenter - Personality: the second born of the only set of twins, Arthur is far more outgoing and nonchalant than his twin brother. Has a beard and loves it more than life. Secretly has a boyfriend, but is too nervous to come out. Gets along better with Jacob after they’ve become adults. The family shield.

Patrick - 30 years old - Heterosexual - Occupation: Hairdresser - Personality: probably the least social of all of the brothers, he prefers staying out of sight and out of mind tbh. Used to practice cutting everyone’s hair when they were kids. Doesn’t talk to his brothers that much, mostly due to being busy/forgetting to call more. The family shadow.

Malcolm - 27 years old - Heteromantic Asexual - Occupation: Wrestler - Personality: the most aggressive and physically competitive of his brothers, there’s nothing he won’t do to win a fight, save for using weapons/lethal force. Hard to get along with, but he still loves his brothers to bits, and was overprotective of Scout when they were younger. The family instigator.

Curtis - 26 years old - Heterosexual - Occupation: Bartender - Personality: was a total fucking mama’s boy growing up, and constantly got in trouble with his brothers for tattling on them. Still argues with Scout every time they see each other. Wants to make Ma proud, but it’s hard for him to keep a job for very long. The family drifter.

Jeremy - 23 years old - Transmale Pansexual - Occupation: Mercenary - Personality: (This is mostly for how he was as a kid) was constantly following his brothers around (especially Malcolm) in hopes of getting in on the fun. Was always treated as the family baby, so everyone was a bit scared to wrestle/fight with him for fear of getting him hurt. Very close to Timmy and Ma. The family runt.

No one on RED team can fucking drive well, save for MAYBE Sniper, but even he hates doing it. Spy gets so goddamn mad within two seconds of driving, Pyro can't stop swerving, Scout drives like a 16 year old who hasn't realized their own mortality yet, Medic jumps at every little inconsistency on the road, Heavy shouts at other drivers for being too slow/fast, Demo's depth perception is shit, Engie drives like a 90 year old grandmother, and Soldier is fine except he will literally shoot at other drivers for tailgating him/cutting him off.

The whole team has designated “Team Bonding Days” thanks to Miss Pauling, which involves playing board games, card games, and video games (in a slightly more modernized AU) together… this, of course, goes badly sometimes. The worst incident they ever had was a bad game of Monopoly that almost ended Heavy and Medic's friendship.

Uno is forever banned from Team Bonding Days. No explanation is needed.

Off the battlefield and in the base, Miss Pauling had the team set up a chore wheel, which is only occasionally followed. Engie is the most dedicated to following it, while Demo and Sniper try everything in their power to avoid cleaning the base.

Spy sometimes disguises himself as other teammates in order to get out of doing his chores, which has led to a lot of shouting matches that ended in Spy being forced to admit it was his fault.

Spy's favorite teammates to disguise himself as are Engie and Scout. He likes being Engie because he gets to be more affectionate with people without being found out, and he can act as Scout incredibly easily due to knowing him so well (tbh he's so good at masquerading as Scout that it's scary).

For Halloween, everyone put their names in Soldier's hat, then proceeded to pull out other teammates’ names to dress up as for their Halloween party. I dunno exactly who would be who, except that Scout traded around to get Spy, steals one of Spy's suits, and just goes around the party bonking people with a plastic baguette he bought online and speaking in a purposefully bad accent.

Spy: Mon fils, you can speak perfect French and you fucking know it. Please stop making a fool of ton père.

Scout: Hohoho, wee wee, I am a fucking frog that gets pegged by baguettes, hoho!

((Spy is this fucking close to committing filicide.))

Everyone can actually cook pretty well, but only very specific things for each merc: Demo can mix and blend drinks (not just alcoholic ones) like it's nothing, Pyro and Heavy like baking, Medic can barbecue anything, Scout knows how to make a lot of shit from scratch (thanks, Ma), Spy and Engie can grill like the true dads they are, Soldier will deep fry every piece of food he eats, and Sniper makes the best soups and stews imaginable.

In order of least to most messy bedrooms: Spy, Heavy, Engie, Sniper, Pyro, Demoman, Medic, Scout, and Soldier. You'd think Scout's would be the worst, but Soldier's room looks like a literal fucking war-zone.

Even when they're not working but get injured in some way (namely from shenanigans/horseplay), people will straight up kill themselves in order to respawn without the injury. The pettiest thing anyone ever respawned off-duty for was Medic suiciding over a tiny ass paper cut.

Demoman is scarily competent at the weirdest of times. For instance, Engie was once trying to figure out how to fix an issue on one of his turrets, only for Demo to stumble over, completely shitfaced, and point out the problem as well as the solution, before passing out under Engie's worktable. Demo doesn't remember this at all.

The first time Engie swore in front of the team in excess (due to dropping a hammer on his foot while he was tinkering), everyone was absolutely horrified because they had only ever heard him say “fiddlesticks” and the like.

Medic's room may not be the messiest, but goddamn is his office a fucking bomb waiting to go off 90% of the time. No one but Medic can find anything in the mess, which is just fine by him.

Heavy likes to sing (mostly just to Sasha) when he's cleaning her in the locker room. The others try to be within hearing range when he does this, because holy fuck, Heavy is a very good singer! He mostly just sings soft songs/lullabies, so his singing is sometimes used by the team insomniacs to help them get some much needed rest.

Okay, another group one. The mercs during shopping trips together:

Demoman: Sneaks a shit ton of alcohol into the cart when no one's looking. Starts complaining if he has to be at the store for too long; will try and sneak away to go home at least once during the trip. Accidentally bumps into a display case and makes a huge fucking mess.

Pyro: Sits obediently in the cart the whole time, occasionally nabbing candy and stuffed animals off of nearby shelves. Will puppy-dog eyes their way into getting everything they grabbed, no matter how much it is.

Spy: Somehow managed to steal an employee uniform and he pretends to work at the store the whole trip; the other mercs keep accidentally falling for it and asking for his help. This all goes to shit when a Karen starts shouting at him over something he didn't do, and he straight up slaps her.

Sniper: King of forgetting wtf was on the list and just grabs shit on the grounds of “Doc said we needed milk, right?” and other such excuses. Knows where everything is despite never having come here before.

Scout: “Gimme the list, I can get everythin' in, like, ten minutes!” Wants to speedrun grocery shopping due to years of shopping with his mom and brothers. Will run loose if left unsupervised and accidentally bust ass on some spilled milk.

Soldier: The one who spilled the milk that Scout busts his ass on. Insists he knows where he's going, but doesn't. Gets into a fistfight with a soccer mom while everyone's waiting to check out; the soccer mom won.

Engineer: Has a full, printed list of everything the team needs, which is organized by aisle number. Is the one who gives into Pyro's begging. Team Dad; keeps an eye on everyone and stops the soccer mom from murdering Soldier.

Heavy: Pushes the cart the entire time. Spends way too money on stuff in the protein shake aisle. At one point runs the cart down the aisle and let's go because Pyro wanted him to, and it ends up crashing into Demo.

Medic: Argues with the pharmacists at the pharmacy counter. Got lost with Soldier until they found Scout unconscious, so he had to perform CPR in the dairy aisle and a fucking paramedic criticized him the whole time; the paramedic hasn't been seen since.

BONUS Miss Pauling: Tries to more or less chaperone this shitshow of a shopping trip. Starts out cheerful and happy, ends up threatening to put child leashes on every last one of these dumbasses.

After Spy taught him how to dance in Expiration Date, Scout goes to him occasionally for advice, such as how to change a tire, how to cook certain things, how tf to do laundry, etc. Spy secretly loves that Scout does this, and tries to help him as much as he can.

Everyone on the team has called Engie “Dad” at least once, even Spy and Medic. No one comments on it.

Medic has been known to go on hour long tirades about anti-vaxxers, with Engie sometimes joining in.

Heavy buys Pyro stuffed animals during his trips to visit his family, which has started a tradition of everyone buying Pyro stuffed animals/toys when they go somewhere without them. Pyro's room is starting to look like a preschooler’s dream bedroom.

Scout calls his mom every other Friday, and he’ll occasionally let his teammates talk to her. Soldier always goes on and on about how good a soldier Scout has been (Scout cries like a baby), Medic tells her about Scout’s latest injuries (Scout damn near chokes him over it), Sniper is just glad to talk to a mom who won’t scold him for the whole phone call, Pyro hums music while Scout’s Ma sings the lyrics for them, Heavy talks about living in huge families with her, Demo asks her how she’s doing and if he can help her out at all, Engie is polite and also praises Scout, and Spy just tells her he’ll call her later before hanging up (Scout punches him for being rude to his mama).

Spy calls Scout's mom on the Fridays that Scout doesn't, mostly to check on her and sometimes to get into some, uh, “steamy” conversations over the phone. Sniper overheard a conversation between them once and now he can't look Scout or Spy in the eyes anymore.

And that's all I've got for right now! I hope you all liked my stupid headcanons!

[army-of-mai-lovers]

hello arthur!! tbh people are being terrible in your inbox and the last ask killed my brain cells so this is your free bingo card to talk about anything you like. also sometimes googling sharks with human teeth (exactly what it sounds like) helps!! much love <3

oh my gosh I’m OBSESSED with these photos they’re so cute!!!! and thank you for the bingo card Effie I appreciate it so much. I’m gonna rant about Deadly Class (a show I definitely don’t like and thus don’t run a fan blog for....smh) bc it’s on my mind and it looks like it’s just going to go quietly into that good night instead of being made fun of and dissected and I think that should change bc goodness gracious that show does not deserve a dignified death. also I’m gonna put this rant under a readmore bc this is gonna be long and it has nothing to do w atla. warnings for discussions of racism, callous mentions of murder and death, swearing, discussion of Nazis, discussion of gore, abuse ment

Okay so for those not in the know (which is probably everyone considering the show was on Syfy and it’s being canceled due to low viewership) Deadly Class is a teen murder drama set in the late ‘80s starring Lana Condor, which makes it sound like it was engineered in a lab to appeal to me. Literally my friend and I were in the middle of watching Schitt’s Creek, which I adore, and she was like “well I heard about this show called Deadly Class” and described it and I was like fuck Schitt’s Creek we’re watching this. It had a 64% on Rotten Tomatoes, which usually makes me nervous, but I was literally like “I don’t care because I know I’m going to love it.” 

And well. I did not love it. 

I truly do not understand how one fucks up “teenagers (mostly) of color go to murder boarding school in the late ‘80s” that bad (I mean the Russo brothers are involved and they fuck up everything they touch so perhaps it was just that). I haven’t read the comic the show is based on but it does appear that a *lot* of the issues of the show stem from the comic, which is...disappointing. Basically, our MC, Marcus, starts off the show homeless after his group home burned down (and it’s heavily implied that he was the one to do it) and gets hunted down by these elite teenage murderers who invite them to their murder school. 

Already, numerous problems are starting to show themselves. First of all, Marcus is Latino, which, yes, it’s very cool that the MC is Latino, except he is literally the white-passingest man I’ve ever seen in my life, and I’ve seen my dad. I didn’t realize that he was Latino until they showed his extremely stupid backstory in a shitty animated sequence and whoever was voicing his dad did this really, really thick Nicaraguan accent and I was like wait a damn minute. So then, I looked it up, and the guy playing Marcus is named Benjamin Wadsworth, which immediately made me think that they had pulled a Noah Centineo and made me think this fully white actor was half Latino (and yes, Latinos can be white, but I think Marcus is supposed to be a nonwhite Latino, and I thought Benjamin Wadsworth was both white and non-Latino). But you know, as an light skinned ethnically ambiguous mixed kid myself, I thought I owed it to him to dig a little deeper, and turns out our pal Ben is mixed (also, he’s like six months older than me and married, which is a trip). And like, okay, I guess I’m glad they didn’t get a white non-Latino man to play a Latino character, but they literally got the whitest looking Latino they could think of to play him. He originally auditioned for Billy. Billy’s the token white. And the producers were like “wait you have Latino ancestry?” (how they found that out I don’t fucking know) and let him go for Marcus. And like. Okay. The character in the comics is light-skinned but he does not look white, and Benjamin is not a good enough actor for them to just pass on the actors who surely auditioned for that role and were more visibly Latino but like. Okay, I guess. 

Second of all, this show is mega racist and it starts to reveal itself when you look at how the murder kids are styled in literally their first appearance. What struck me the most was the fact that the Latina (whose name is fucking Maria, for heaven’s sake) was wearing a sexy red dress and Day of the Dead makeup, which, I’m sorry, huh? That just so happens to be the Mexican girl’s murder outfit? I’ve tried to give them the benefit of the doubt and speculate that maybe she wears it to like, subvert people’s expectations, but at this point idk how this is subverting anyone’s expectations nor why she’d be so invested in that. Also, she’s supposed to be a teenager. It’s fucked up to sexualize any of your child characters but it really hits different when it’s your Latina character (and yeah, I know the actress playing Maria isn’t a teenager, but still, it’s the principle of the thing). And then of course, the Black guy, Willie (no he’s not related to Billy they were just like yeah two guys with rhyming names in our main cast sounds legit) is a gangbanger dude who talks the way that white people think Black people talk. I keep waiting for this guy to have one line that’s not complete garbage, but I’m five episodes deep and so far nada, which sucks so bad because there’s like, kernels of an interesting character buried in this horrible racist trope. Also, they had him sleep with a N*zi. I hate it here. Lana Condor (her character’s name is Saya) gets off fairly okay, at least in this first shot (they don’t have her wearing a kimono to go murder people, thank fuck), but the way she behaves is super weird, like kinda flirty towards Marcus, kinda badass but not enough to actually do anything, etc. Billy’s white so they couldn’t make him a racist caricature or anything but I have no idea why he’s here. See, instead of talking about the real politics of the real world, Deadly Class makes up fake prejudice that honestly makes the lok bender/nonbender bullshit look sensible. Maria, Willie, and Saya are Legacies, which means that their families are established murderers (fun fact: the N*zi girl is also a Legacy, because her father murdered hundreds of civil rights activists. And the characters of color align themselves with her. I don’t understand.) Billy, and later Marcus when he decides to go to murder school, are Rats, meaning they have no affiliation with established murder groups. So, in this show, the people of color have privilege over the (mostly white) Rats. Make it make sense. Further, this means that Maria, Saya, and Willie should have absolutely no reason to hang out with Billy, and yet they do because the Russo brothers have heard that the kids these days like the found family trope, so they put five unlikely friends in a room together and insinuated that they could all be besties. I swear, this show is the La Croix of found family tho, in that there is absolutely no flavor whatsoever. None of the characters develop into a found family. Saya is bound to care for Marcus for reasons, Maria is using him, Willie is also using him, and Billy is only his friend because they’re both Rats. Saya and Maria are already friends (and honestly their friendship is the most compelling thing in the whole show). There are no other connections between the characters. But they’re totes a found family!!!!/s

Also, they don’t let Saya be mean. Every character says “oh Saya’s such a bitch” but do we ever see Saya being a bitch??? No! Saya is literally just a nice girl who is kinda quiet sometimes and murders people and has a tragic backstory. There’s an argument to be made for Maria being more bitchy than her tbh. And like, fine, if you want Saya to be nice, she can be nice, but stop telling me she’s mean then!!! If you’re gonna tell me that I’m gonna get to see mean Lana Condor in a leather jacket in this show then deliver bitch. 

There’s truly so much more I could talk about (Chico??? What the fuck is Chico’s arc???? What in the actual hell were they thinking when they were writing anything to do with Chico????? my DUDES WHAT IN THE SAM HELL. also making Billy straight was so fucking stupid he’s literally gay come on now, also Master Lin is so fucking useless what is he even doing here) but instead I’m going to outline the version of Deadly Class my friend and I have been talking about while we watch the inferior real Deadly Class. 

lots of things are the same actually because there are some elements of the show that have potential. Marcus is still homeless at the beginning, everybody still thinks he burned down the group home but he didn’t, Willie is still a pacifist, he and Marcus are still partners for their first murder school assignment, Saya’s mean (but like actually), Billy still has green hair and is the token white of the group (although a Billy of color.....thinking), and they all hate Reagan

in an ideal world Willie and Maria would have different names (Willie bc his name rhymes with Billy’s and that’s fucking stupid, also Willie is just a terrible name in general, Maria partially because it sounds way too similar to Marcus and I don’t understand why the guy who wrote this couldn’t make his characters have different sounding names, and partially because no Latina character of mine is going to be named fucking Maria), but for the purposes of this outline I’ll keep their names the same for clarity.

Marcus doesn’t initially have his rep. He’s on the streets when he sees a girl his age (Saya) come out of this elevator in the back of a restaurant brandishing a sword, and decides to go into the elevator, sees the stash of weapons, and decides to steal one so he can fend for himself better. 

also keeping the detail of Rory murdering a bunch of homeless kids, but now Marcus knows that Rory is actively hunting him down. 

in the process of robbing the school’s weapons collection, Marcus figures out that it’s a murder school

Master Lin catches Marcus robbing the school, they fight, Master Lin overpowers Marcus and ties him up. He says the weapons are for students only, and Marcus says he’s applying. Lin asks what his qualifications are, and Marcus says “you know that group home that burned down three months ago? all the kids that died? I started the fire.” 

(also no shade to Benjamin Wadsworth but in this version he is not playing Marcus. Marcus is not white-passing)

Master Lin initially doesn’t believe him, but Marcus presses on and eventually convinces Master Lin that this is really what happened, and so Lin welcomes him to murder school. 

Marcus’s first class is Poisons, and his lab partner is Billy, who takes a shine to him and shows him around school. There’s no Legacy/Rat nonsense, but you do have normal high school drama adapted slightly for murder school. Maria is the prettiest and most popular girl in school, Saya is the mean girl/valedictorian, Willie is the jock, and Billy’s the punky weirdo. 

Marcus is, of course, the new kid with a reputation to live up to. 

Things kind of fall apart when Willie and Marcus are paired up for an assignment: to seek revenge on somebody. 

also Willie’s backstory is extremely different. his dad was a Black Panther, and he was murdered by the FBI when Willie was a kid. distraught, his mom moved to Texas, where she started working a corporate job and rose really high in the ranks. To maintain her status in the company, she had to do some really horrible things, including working with the FBI to take down other civil rights activists. Willie found out about this and was absolutely horrified. his mother insisted she was doing this so that he could have a better life, but he refused to listen to her, and ran away, and ended up at murder school. 

Willie got into murder school because Lin knows who his mom is, and assumes that Willie is just as cutthroat as she is. he gains a reputation as well. 

also, Willie’s extremely wealthy, and this shows in the way he dresses (preppy jock vibes)

you don’t find out about this backstory for a minute tho bc unlike Albert Kim and the Russo Brothers, I can wait until the right opportunity presents itself for a backstory drop. 

ok anyway back to what I was saying earlier

they have to seek revenge on somebody. Marcus asks Willie if there’s anybody he wants revenge on, and Willie very sincerely says no. Marcus scoffs at him and says he’s clearly had a very easy life, to which Willie replies, “Well, who do you want revenge on?” 

Marcus immediately says, “Rory.” 

So they track Rory down, and since Marcus hasn’t actually killed anybody, he hands the weapons over to Willie. Willie frowns and says that he has nothing against this dude he’s never met before, so Marcus should be the one to hurt him. Marcus says that this is a group project and Willie’s got to pull his weight, and they get into an argument

the argument gets loud, and Rory hears them fighting and starts chasing them. 

in the midst of the chase, both of them divulge their secrets to one another. Willie laughs hysterically and says that they deserve each other bc they both lied to get where they are, and now they’re going to die because of it

Rory backs them into a corner, and Marcus uses one of the swords he tried to steal earlier to shank Rory

They throw the body in a dumpster, and after this, they’re friends, and Marcus decides he’ll fit right in at murder school. 

ok so that was only one episode but things to look forward to in the version of Deadly Class that only exists in me and my friend’s heads: Marcus dealing with the emotional and moral fallout of his first murder, Willie trying to figure out what it means to be a pacifist in a world so hellbent on doing violence towards him, Saya being mean to everyone except Maria, Maria convincing Saya to relax and have fun, the gang bonding in a Breakfast Club style situation adapted for murder school and making a joke about how this is like the Breakfast Club because it’s the 80s and the movie just came out, Saya and Maria falling in lesbians, Marcus and Saya being depressing edgelord besties, Billy being gay and fighting his abusive father, Marcus and Billy being uncool weirdo bffs, Willie and Maria rolling their eyes at Marcus and Saya’s cynicism, Billy coming out to Marcus and talking about his experiences being gay, which makes Marcus think “hang on, why do I relate to that?”, Willie seeing Marcus make a sarcastic comment about kissing a guy and having a crisis, Marcus and Willie falling in love, the gang taking a road trip to Vegas to murder Billy’s dad and giving Billy a gnc thrift store makeover on the way, and eventually the gang murdering the shit out of Ronald Reagan. 

[burtlederp]

Grant(3), Caleb(4), Caetan(35), Tiburon(49) oops,, its a lot, huh? Your characters are just awesome hAHA sorrYY

Nooo don’t apologize thank YOU!!! I’M sorry for taking so long to respond!!!

Putting stuff under a readmore because holy hell there’s a lot of it

3. What is/was Grant’s relationship with his father like? tw: drugs, drugs, and more drugs; child abuse a la neglect

He’s laying on his back in the middle of his apartment, staring at the domed ceiling overhead. Coherent thoughts are far and few between, his mind muddled by the haze that fills it, fills the room, the whole apartment. Before he’d started smoking, he’d known he’d regret stealing so much weed, but for now, he didn’t. He floated in a peaceful bliss, utterly serene. No thoughts in, no thoughts out. Just smoke, curling and floating around him. Shapes moved amongst the haze, too faint to identify, passing, shifting forms. People, perhaps, walking by, walking around him. Legs passing by, nobody ever stopping to look down at him. People milling about, paces slowing, soon they’re coming and going. They enter the room, they talk, they leave after a brief exchange of currencies. His father is sitting behind him, on the couch. He’s high too, he’s always high, Grant can just barely see the shadows of his father’s hunched form when he tips his head back. His father never relaxed when he was high. He always became even higher strung, if that was possible. He only calmed down when he had heroin in his veins, or something stronger. 

Grant couldn’t see the face of the smoky form of his father. There wasn’t one. In his memory, there never had been. His father in the transient construction of smoke was as accurate as any depiction Grant could have conjured on his own. Never present, never really there, always drugged out of his mind, never sober. Just the same as the haze that filled the house permanently. 

4. Has Caleb ever witnessed something that fundamentally changed him? If so, does anyone else know? tw: war is hell, child abuse a la war is fucking hell, no I’ve not read the Silmarillion I just like the idea of Tom Bombadil don’t @ me

Caleb scrubbed his face on his arm and shivered, pulling the tattered cloth he called a blanket tighter around himself. It’d been raining for days now, with no end in sight, and it had transformed the prairie into a mudscape. He and one other lone figure huddled around a tree that stood tall in the midst of the brown sea, one solitary rise of solid ground, one lone spot of relative shelter. 

“B-beautiful weather, innit?” the other, the stranger, chuckled. It was the first thing they’d said since they arrived. They’d showed up last night, flopping down against the tree and falling asleep. Caleb had kept his distance, kept still, not showing any inclination of actually being alive. He didn’t reply to the stranger’s comment on the weather.

“Not in th’ mood ‘fer talkin’? Thas’ a’ight…” they sighed after a long minute, realizing Caleb wouldn’t respond. “An’ I know yer’ not asleep, ‘cause iss’ too cold t’be sleepin’ right now.” Caleb still didn’t respond. He was wary of the person. There was no such thing as a stranger with ulterior motives. 

“Don’ worry, I got enough words fer’ th’ both of us,” the stranger, a man, Caleb realized over the constant sound of rain, scoffed. Caleb looked heavenward, praying silently. 

Please, no, don’t let him talk, Caleb prayed, but unfortunately the gods were not on his side in this moment. 

“I’ve met a god before. Now, I know what yer’ thinkin’--’you? Dionisio? Seen a god? Ha! As if!’ But I tells ya’, I met ‘em. Hell if I’m to know which one he was or what he did or whatnot, but I met ‘im and he was a fabulous fella. Called ‘imself Tom, of all things. Can ye’ believe that? A god, named Tom! Ah, I hardly believed it myself when ‘e said it.” Caleb sighed, rubbing his face. The man’s name was Dionisio, and he was crazy. Excellent. I’m stuck out here in the middle of nowhere with a crazy man who’s likely going to kill and eat me. 

A distinct crunch cut off Caleb’s train of thought. It wasn’t a sickening crunch, like a breaking bone or the like, but like a bite into an apple, a fresh, crisp apple. Caleb spun around, looking around the tree to see the man, as crinkled and wrinkled and dirty and filthy as he had sounded and smelled, leaned comfortably against the tree. His dark, beady eyes twinkled as Caleb stared at him.

“Mm, I knew that’d get yer’ attention!” he laughed, a hand lowering to his side. Before Caleb could react, jump back from the man’s drawn sword--he realized the man hadn’t drawn a sword at all. It was another apple. He held out the bright red fruit to Caleb. “Go on n’ take it, lad, y’probably more starved than I am!” 

Caleb sat there, hesitating, eyes flickering between the apple and the man, weighing his options. He could take the apple, but… what did he want in return? Was the apple cursed? Poisoned? Was this a trick? He backed up a step warily, like a shy animal.

“Ayee, I’m not gonna ‘urt you! I jus’ wanna give y’ somethin’ t’eat. I swear I ain’t mean nuthin’ by it,” Dionisio insisted, holding the apple out further. Caleb stared, waiting. Dionisio tilted his head, giving a wry smile. “C’mon laddie. I ain’t mean ye no harm, c’mon.” His voice softened as he spoke, getting a little quieter, more gentle, not so rough and abrasive like the coarse mud that surrounded them. Caleb swallowed, his stomach twisting. It’d been days since he’d eaten. He didn’t remember when he’d last eaten. And here it was, food, offered with no strings attached. It was too good to be true. But his hunger overrode his instincts now and he snatched the apple from the man’s hand, leaping away right after. 

“Aye, there we go, there we go, see? An’ I didn’ even ‘urt ye!” Dionisio chortled, watching as Caleb devoured the apple. The old man kept smiling, but it faded somewhat as the small, one-armed boy ate. “Ye been hit as ‘ard as anyone else by this war, ain’t ye?” 

Caleb, chewing, looked up briefly at the man through messy, curly, wet black hair that fell in his eyes. He nodded, ever so slightly. 

“Ye… Ain’t we all…” Dionisio sighed, letting his head rest against th’ tree. “I got more apples fer’ ye if ye want ‘em after that ‘un.” Caleb frowned.

“Why?” Caleb was surprised as the sound that came from his throat was not one he recognized. It was a croak, rough and unused. Though it had been… well, Caleb didn’t even know the last time he’d spoken. He cleared his throat and tried again, questioning the man. Dionisio huffed a laugh.

“‘Why’? Whaddya’ mean, ‘why’?” the old man looked to him with a grin. “‘Cause I want to, and ye look half-dead, and ye barely a child! Ye need it more than I do.”

“But….” Caleb looked down at the core of the apple in his hand. “You could last so much longer if you kept them to yourself.”

“But you’ll last so much longer if I don’t, won’t ye?” Dionisio pointed out simply. “That’s reason enough fer’ me.” A spot of red appeared in Caleb’s peripheral vision, and he raised his head to see another apple being offered to him, Dionisio smiling. Caleb took it slowly.

“No… no other goal…?” Caleb asked cautiously, and Dionisio shook his head.

“None. I jus’ wanna see ye get outta’ this war alive, lad.”

Caleb leaned back against the tree as Dionisio kept telling his story, listening out of one ear as he thought about the apple. Food, so precious in this time of war and chaos, and he’d given it away freely. 

Perhaps there are good people in this world, still… Caleb thought as Dionisio talked and talked and talked, and it rained and rained and rained.

35. How does Caetan behave around people he likes? in a word: badly tw: implied to-happen noncon/r*pe

Caetan drummed his fingers on the bartop, chin resting in his other hand. He nudged his drink around a bit, bored. He didn’t really know what he was here for. Well, he did, he knew very well. He’d been more than busy the past couple weeks, and was yearning for some company. But he wasn’t sure what mood he was in. 

And then someone sat down a few seats from him at the bar and he did a double-take. A man, maybe 6-foot-one, with short, dark hair that was well-kept, well-styled. Lean, well-muscled, but not brawny. His face was narrow, and by god that was the most perfect nose Caetan had ever seen in his life. 

Caetan realized what mood he was in and got to his feet.

“This seat taken?” Caetan inquired. The man turned, looking up at him with deep, chocolate-y brown eyes that made Caetan pray the man said no because his knees were about to give out. The man shook his head, and Caetan tried to slip into the seat without giving away how weak he was already. “You here alone tonight?”

“I am,” the stranger responded, eyeing Caetan somewhat warily. 

“That’s a shame,” Caetan shook his head. “A beautiful creature like yourself on your own on a Friday night? I’d say that’s a crime against humanity.”

The man stared at him, and Caetan suddenly second-guessed everything he’d said or done already. What had he done wrong? Could he fix it? What--

“I’m straight.” Ah. That’s what’s wrong. Caetan’s face fell a bit.

“Well, damn. You sure?” Caetan sighed.

“Very,” the man replied stiffly.

“That’s an even bigger shame, then,” Caetan grunted, motioning the bartender over. “Let me buy you a drink then, to save some face.”

“No thanks,” the man said quickly, getting to his feet. “Have a good night.” With that, the beautiful stranger turned and walked away. Caetan watched him go, and slowly got to his feet, moving stealthily through the bar as the man headed to the door of the bar, and he followed him out into the night.

49. If Tiburon was put into ______ situation, they’d rather die than live to see it through. I had no idea what to do with this for a looong time, ngl cw: cannablism(?), consumption of human flesh, gore, Tiburon doesn’t give two shits about your ‘ethics’, he’s got his own that he’s following; oh and implied kidnapping, planned torture that never happens

It occurred to Tiburon, now too late, that perhaps he was in over his head. ‘Infiltrate the mafia,’ they said, ‘it’ll be fun,’ they said. ‘You surely won’t be forced to torture and kill someone!,’ they said, he thought bitterly as he stood in front of a man tied firmly to a chair, a black bag over his head. His head was bowed inside the bag, but he wasn’t unconscious; Tiburon could hear the man choking on sobs, shoulders shaking. Tiburon had killed people before, he’d eaten people before, he had no issue with that; it was the torture that made him hesitate. Every time he’d killed, he’d taken special care to not let them suffer, he hated suffering.

And now here he was, being compelled to do it. Well, he would be, it hadn’t happened yet. He was trapped in this shipping container, another man standing by the door, waiting, watching, playing witness to Tiburon’s actions to let the boss know he was legit. Tiburon sighed, rubbing his face. What a fucking inconvenience. Six months--six fucking months of work, all down the drain, just like that. He tortured this man, made him suffer, or they would kill Tiburon. Well, they thought they would. Unfortunately, they were currently on the docks, so Tiburon would make his getaway before they ever knew he’d changed his mind about the work. 

He turned away from the sobbing, bound man to face the guard, crossing his arms. The man, at least a head taller than Tiburon and fifty pounds heavier, every ounce made of muscle, eyed him.

“What?” The man’s voice was exactly what Tiburon had pictured--deep, raspy, heavy. Appropriate.

“Nothing,” Tiburon replied, looking away with a sigh. He rubbed his jaw, thinking. He had to cut to the chase before things started getting iffy. He turned back around and walked close to the guard.

“What’re you doing?” the guard grunted, sizing up the supposed torturer while the supposed torturer did the same to him. Tiburon did not reply, not verbally, grabbing the man by the head and pushing him against the wall. The guard barked in alarm and fought back, but Tiburon was quicker and slippery. Before the large brute could get a good grip on him and make the whole ordeal a lot more trouble, he leapt forward and sank his teeth into the man’s throat. The guard’s shout of alarm quickly twisted into a scream, then into a gargled wail that was silenced as Tiburon pulled away, trachea still in his teeth. The guard slumped to the floor, grasping at his own neck with wide eyes, and Tiburon hated it. A swift kick, and the guard’s body shuddered and went still, skull dented. Tiburon chewed thoughtfully on the trachea for a moment, surveying his work, and went to the captive man. The poor creature yelped in alarm at the touch as Tiburon cut through the zipties, but went quiet as the black hood was yanked off. The man’s eyes went wide as he saw the cartilage in Tiburon’s mouth, the dead body, and scrambled backwards with a terrified shriek.

“No, no, no no no please!” he begged, tears rolling down his cheek, one hand outstretched protectively. Tiburon frowned.

“Don’t worry, I won’t, I just figured it’d be cruel to leave you alone in the summer heat. Toodles.” With that, the merman turned and stepped out of the shipping crate, walking to the edge of the water, at some point discarding the trachea (cartilage wasn’t good eats anyhow) along the way. He dove in, relishing the cool ocean saltwater as it closed over his head, pleasant in the summer heat. 

Six whole months… he thought again as he swam away, his legs fusing into a long tail, skin becoming rough, teeth sharpening. Ah well. Now I know; the mafia isn’t worth the work.

[sexycraisinthanos]

Therapy in the Netherworld

Just a little fic I wrote because I wanted Lydia to seriously get some therapy. Put it under a readmore because I don’t want it taking up dashboard space.

Words: 2,936

Warnings: mention of suicide

Rating: T, for mention of suicide and death, but other than that no graphic depictions of violence or stuff like that. Just a girl talking about her trauma

They sat in a circle, reading the Handbook. Adam and Barbara sat next to each other, reading silently while Delia, Charles, and Lydia sat across from them.

“Well I’ll be darned. They do have an undead therapist.” Adam said with a chuckle, turning the book to show Barbara.

“That could have been helpful a long time ago.”

“What could there possibly be a therapist for?” Lydia asked skeptically.

“It says,” Adam looked back at the page, adjusting his glasses, “that therapy services are offered for those struggling to cope with their deaths...not exactly the kind of therapist we need.”

“We don’t need a therapist.” Lydia crossed her arms. “Dad’s just freaking out because I had a nightmare.”

“The same nightmare for the last three months, Lydia. And it’s not just a nightmare, it’s a night terror.”

“Same thing.”

“Actually, night terrors are more extreme and mostly for children.” Delia corrected proudly.

“...Well yes. But Lydia you were sleepwalking. You almost walked off the roof.”

“...Well a regular therapist would be a better idea.”

“We just think it’d be best if you had a therapist you could talk to about...stuff without judgment.”

“And the Netherworld is your choice? Delia is a better choice.”

“Aw, thank you.”

Adam sighed and stood, still holding the book. “It doesn’t hurt to try. They’re the only ones who can understand what’s happened. Just try one session.”

Lydia scowled, but didn’t protest.

Adam pulled out a piece of chalk. “Okay, it says to draw a door and knock to the rhythm of...shave and a haircut. Huh, you don’t often hear people refer to it that way.” He drew on the wall and knocked.

A doorway appeared and the door cracked open, emitting pink smoke and glitter. They coughed, backing up.

Adam looked at the book, confused. “Did I do it right?”

Barbara slowly opened the door and more smoke wafted through the air and then dissipated.

When it cleared, they saw a messy office with papers strewn about and an empty old-fashioned chair with holes in the upholstery. 

“...Well it’s certainly the Netherworld.” Adam covered his nose. “Smells like it.”

Barbara carefully stepped inside and looked around. “Hello? Is anyone here?”

“There’s probably no one here. No one would want to go to therapy after they die.” Lydia said. 

A pile of garbage sat up, making indiscernible noises. The noises turned into yawning and pieces fell off, revealing a demon underneath. She stood up, dusting herself off. She straightened her coat and messed up her hair and looked at the open door. “Oh shit. Hi.”

“...Are you the therapist?” Adam asked, almost regretfully.

She looked around and clicked her tongue. “Well I’m the only one here, aren’t I?”

“We were expecting someone more...different I guess.”

“Why were you sleeping under garbage?” Lydia asked.

“You’re looking at a demon and you’re asking about using garbage as a blanket?”

Lydia blinked and shrugged. The demon cleared her throat. “Okay, so what can I do for you?”

“Well, we were hoping you could help Lydia.” Adam answered, motioning to Lydia.

“The vampire?”

“I’m a human.”

“I usually only deal with dead people. And the occasional undead.”

“What’s the difference?”

“Undead people suck. I should know, I am one.”

“Can you just try talking to Lydia?”

The demon sat at her desk, throwing stuff off of it. “Well sit down and tell me what’s going on.”

“There aren’t any-” The trio was pushed onto a set of magically appearing chairs and pulled close to the desk.

Charles and Delia went to go in, but the door shut in front of them and the demon crossed her hands over each other, trying to appear more professional, but only came off as slightly more unsettling than before. It did not help when she gave a smile. “So, tell me what’s going on.”

Adam and Barbara looked at Lydia, putting their hands on her shoulders. Lydia sighed. “I’ve been having trouble adjusting to...something that happened a few months ago. A demon showed up and caused a lot of trouble and they’re just worried about all these nightmares I’ve been having.”

Her eyes lit up. “Ooh, demons. This’ll be fun.”

“...They say I should get some professional help. So here we are. In the Netherworld, talking to a demon about my problems. Cause by another demon.”

“Well good news is I can help.”

“You can? That’s great!” Barbara smiled.

The demon nodded. “Now, you two are dead and since I’m sure you want to not be trapped in the Netherworld, I would suggest you two leave back through the door to your house. Lydia will be safe here while we talk.”

They stood hesitantly, looking at Lydia. “I’ll be fine.” She assured. Accepting that, they sighed and walked through the door.

Lydia yelped as the chair changed into a therapy couch and she was lying on her back. The demon sat across from her, sitting in a large loveseat, holding a notepad and pen with pink unicorn on it. “Okay, so my name is Gem and I’m the unofficial therapist of the Netherworld.”

“Gem?”

“Short for Geminorum.”

“Does every demon have a stupid name?”

“It’s a nickname. My real name’s Ashley, but I go by Gem because I’m both a treasure and a Gemini.”

“...I guess that tracks.”

“So, Lydia, tell me how it all started.”

Lydia took a breath. “Well it started when my mom died. She and I were really close. I went into a really bad depression and my dad moved to get away from our house because...well she died in our house and it was just a lot for him to handle. So we moved into this house that Adam and Barbara died in, so they haunt it. It sucked, but they’re nice. And then I found out that Dad was engaged to Delia, who was/is my life coach. So I tried to kill myself. It obviously didn’t go as planned.”

“How were you gonna kill yourself?”

“What?”

“How?”

“Uh, I was gonna jump off the roof.”

“Classic. Keep going. What happened next?”

“Well, then I met Beetlejuice.”

“Oh, I know him.”

“You do?”

“Yup. Tacky outfit, always singing, cute butt?”

“What?”

“So he was trying to get you to say his name, I’m assuming?”

“...Yeah. Saying he could help me get revenge on my dad. Of course I didn’t listen to him. At first. Then I had to. He scared my dad away and then I was trapped in my house because if I left there’d be a giant monster who’d kill me because I was an ‘honorary ghost’ or whatever. It was fun at first. No one around to tell us what to do. And then I tried to bring my mom back to life and then he turned into a grade A asshole! He tricked me into almost exorcising Barbara and forced me to agree to marry him.”

“Green card thing?”

“...Yeah.”

Gem snorted. “Classic.”

“Of course, I agreed to save Barbara. And then I stabbed him in the chest with Delia’s art.”

“Nice. Always kill creepy old men.” She held her fist up for a fist bump, but Lydia shook her head no. Gem pursed her lips and put her hand down.

“And then his mom tried to kill me because I had escaped into the Netherworld to go find my mom, but then I left before she could catch me. And then he fed her to a sand worm. That all happened months ago.”

“So what are your problems?”

“Night terrors, triggers, angry outbursts, abandonment issues...you know. The typical stuff.”

“Care to elaborate?”

“It’s nothing serious.”

“Humor me. Let’s start with the night terrors.”

“Well it just started out with me waking up screaming. I was having bad dreams about...well, him. Him and his stupid outfit. It’s always the wedding. I’m in the wedding dress, dancing to some distorted music. He’s smiling like this is the best thing in the world. I’m crying. Before I stab him, I wake up with everyone around me. Last week I started sleepwalking. I woke up, standing on the roof.”

“Do you think it’s him? Trying to get you to kill yourself so you’ll be stuck with him?”

She shook her head. “No. Not really. I don’t think he’s making me do it. It doesn’t feel like someone’s forcing me. It’s like a...natural reflex. Like a muscle memory. Like it’s telling me to meet him there.”

“Why would it tell you to meet him there?”

“Well, we met on the roof before I was going to kill myself.”

Gem hummed to herself, taking more notes. 

“I just gotta say that you’re very professional and probably the only demon I’ve met who didn’t immediately make me want to vomit.”

“Aw, thank you. I take my job very seriously. I know I look like a hot mess, but that’s only because I choose to. Not many jobs let you have pink hair.”

“Do all demons have weird colored hair?”

“Yeah. It’s part of the gimmick. So tell me about the triggers and angry outbursts you mentioned.”

Lydia sucked her teeth and sighed, curling up slightly. “I don’t know...it’s kind of stupid.”

“You know what’s stupid? I was considered one of the most feared women’s gang leaders in the 80′s. I got drunk, fell off a bridge, and now I’m a therapist. What’s not stupid is your trauma.”

She smiled a little. “Thanks...Okay...” Lydia took a breath. “My dad and step-mom were planning all the details for their wedding. I was in the living room, kind of listening and then I just...started crying and ran into my room. They decided to hold off on it until I was better.”

“Poor thing.” Gem said sympathetically. 

“I joined a stargazing club at school because in New York I never got to see stars that much. Of course, the first constellation we talked about was Orion.”

Gem nodded understandingly. “Second brightest star in the constellation is Betelgeuse.”

Lydia winced at the mention of the name and Gem tensed up. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize what I was saying...How about whenever we need to bring him up, we can just call him something else.”

“Like what?”

“Buttmunch?”

Lydia snorted. “That works.”

“So what happened?”

“Well, Bertha said...Buttmunch and I just froze up. She told her parents that I tackled her, telling her not to say it, but I don’t remember that.”

Gem hummed to herself. “It sounds like you have a case of PTSD.”

“PTSD?”

“Well from what you’ve told me, whatever he did traumatized you. Even if you don’t think it was that serious. You were depressed and suicidal, he showed up and made your life a living hell, you were forced to kill him, and what 12 year old needs to stab someone for forcing them to marry him, trapping her in her own house, scaring her dad away, and feeling like you’re obligated to hang out with him because he saved your life?”

“First off, I’m not 12. Second of all, he didn’t save my life.”

Gem looked at her clipboard. “Well, actually he did. You said he saved you from his mom.”

“Which she wouldn’t have been there if it wasn’t for him.”

“And you wouldn’t have been alive up to that point if it wasn’t for him.”

Lydia scoffed, crossing her arms. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You said you met him on the roof, right?”

“Yeah.”

“And you were about to jump, right?”

“Yeah.”

“So what happened between you wanting to die and him scaring your dad away?”

“Well...he saw me about to jump and when he realized I could see him, he tried to get me to say his name. But he can’t say his name, which is dumb. Why can’t he say his name? Every other demon can say their name just fine.”

“It’s a thing that happens. If he could say his name, he’d always be saying it to give himself power and he’d never shut up. It really depends on the source material you’re working with.”

“What?”

“Nothing. Anyway, so what happened after that?”

“Well he told me that killing myself is stupid and I should try to get revenge on my dad. I told him to piss off and then I took his advice but had Barbara and Adam help me instead.”

“Poor choice, they look like they think ‘revenge’ is a fancy French dish. Now, from what you just told me, if he hadn’t shown up, you would have jumped, your life would have been over, and you would have been stuck doing civil work. Ergo, he saved your life.”

Lydia scowled, trying to think of a snarky response. 

“So?” 

“You just have a lot of confusing feelings. You want to be mad at him, which you have a right to be. But he did technically save your life. And you know you wouldn’t be here without him. So you’re also partially grateful for him.”

“What does this have to do with my nightmares?”

“Well you said yourself that your brain wanted you to meet him there.”

“That’s dumb. You’re not even a real therapist. Telling you all this won’t help. You won’t understand. None of them do! They just want me to get better, but they don’t know what it’s like! To not be able to sleep because you’re afraid that when you wake up, it’ll all be a dream and you’re still trapped in the house with him. Or that he came and killed my dad in the middle of the night as an act of revenge. Or hate yourself for trusting him in the first place. And I can’t even talk to them about it. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to them about it. They just wouldn’t get it...I guess that’s why they sent me here. Because you’re the only one who would get it.” Lydia wiped her eyes and sniffled. 

Gem sighed, setting the clipboard down. “Lydia.” She summoned a box of tissues and handed them to her. “You’re stressed, restless, you’re scared, you’re angry, you’re a kid who dealt with stuff no grown adult should have dealt with. You have too many thoughts going on now. So what’s going to help?”

“I don’t know.”

“That’s okay...When was the last time you slept? Like actually slept.”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. Couple weeks ago...”

“Tell you what, you can stay here and sleep. It’s perfectly safe in here. Buttmunch won’t get you. You can sleep as long as you want since no one ever needs me. And we can talk whenever you want. That way you have someone who understands what you’re going through. Does that sound good?”

Lydia shrugged again, but this time with a smile. “I guess.”

“It’s not a permanent fix, but it’s a start. And if you have a night terror, I’ll be right here for you. I promise.”

“You do?”

“Of course. Demons have questionable morals, but we never break a promise. And if you ever do get stuck with him again and someone happened to have said his name three times, just say it three times again. That takes all his power away.”

“It does?”

“Well, it varies by which one you’re working with, but yeah. If you say his name three times, it gives him power, if you say it three more, it takes his power away. It’s like that shitty book series says. Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself. Or whatever. The less you say his name the more scared you are. So the more you say it, the less scary he becomes and the less power he has over you.”

“That actually makes sense.”

“I’m a pro at handling demon shit. Now, lie down and get some rest.”

Lydia nodded and adjusted herself, lying on her back. “I actually was wondering...what happened to him and his mom?”

“Hm?”

“Well, his mom got eaten by a sand worm and...well, I stabbed him. He went to the Netherworld.”

“Well, since Juno died, Miss Argentina is in charge. I’d let her boss me around...”

Lydia raised an eyebrow. 

“I mean Juno is technically still a demon, but sand worms take about 1,000 years to digest their food so she’s probably gonna be there for a while, so she’s listed as dead.”

“Whoa...I feel sorry for her...even if she did deserve it. What about him?”

Gem shrugged. “I haven’t really seen him around. He’s probably hiding from his responsibilities like normal.”

Lydia laughed a little. “Well, you seem relatively normal for a demon. What’s the deal?”

“I just talk to people daily. There are actually a LOT of people who don’t read the Handbook, and thank God/Satan for that. Do you know how many people die a day? 55 million. Only about 2% actually read the Handbook in its entirety, which is still over 1 million people, but holy shit is it hard to see 1 million people a year.”

Gem snapped her fingers and a blanket and pillow landed on Lydia.

Lydia grunted, grabbing the pillow off her face and scowling. “Hey!”

“Now get some sleep, kiddo. You need it.”

Lydia tucked the pillow under her head and wrapped herself in the blanket. 

It was surprisingly comfortable and devoid of any terrible smells. She smiled, pulling it close. “Thanks, Gem...”

“One step at a time.”

Lydia nodded and closed her eyes, dreaming about much nicer demons with stupid hair.

[blog-of-reaction]

So I finally watched Robin Hood (2018) and these are my unasked for thoughts. This got pretty long so I’m putting it under a readmore.

First off, I knew that the time period was off, I was made well aware that the movie is far better if you go into not expecting it to be placed in a consistent time period, but I thought people were exaggerating when they said that the movie couldn’t decide what time period to be set in so chose all of them but like, they were right. This didn’t interfere much with how invested I was in the story, but there were times here I thought this movie could very well be set in some sort of weird, post-apocalyptic world because there was such a mash of time period stuff in there so yeah, it didn't even try to be accurate there.

I don’t think this actually made the movie worse though. In fact, I’ll even go so far as to say that the movie was actually better for it, as it allowed them to do stuff that they overwise wouldn’t get to. I get why most people didn’t like that part of it but like, it was weirdly nice. It was different and yeah, it was a bit jarring to basically see crusaders wearing kevlar, but I think it worked for this movie. It was different from the many other Robin Hood movies that have been made throughout the years and the off-kilter time period appropriate stuff helped with that. It isn’t the only reason I think this Robin Hood stands out from the others, but it is a contributing factor.

I shipped Robin and Marion in this movie more than I have ever shipped any other version of them, including the Robin Hood bbc show which, while not nearly as good in retrospect, was one of my favorite shows growing up and that version of Robin and Marion was one of my first otps. 

First off, they had an established relationship at the start of the movie and the way they met is like, one of my favorite tropes (and was kind of reminded me when Vin and Elend first met in Mistborn.)

I may be wrong as its been a hot second since I watched any of the other Robin Hood movies, or even the show, but they seemed more balanced (especially compared to the show) than in most movies. Also, the actors had chemistry which not all movies have had in my opinion.

They just complimented each other so well, especially compared to the other iterations. They were both actively working for the right thing (as usual) but despite both having their own separate plans in place, they didn’t know of each others plans until over halfway through the movie. In spite of this, when they did interact, it was golden and full of yearning and also pain on both sides (though for different reasons) and it was golden. 

Additionally, Marion wasn’t the damsel in distress as usual. Which, even when they try to make that not be a thing, is always in the movies (and especially the show. Or rather, robin viewed her as a damsel in distress and I gotta stop myself there because I could write a whole essay on their relationship in the show and I will do that someday but today is not that day.)

Anyways, yeah, Marion was actually like, in distress, in a damsel in distress type of way literally once and then it didn’t feel like a damsel in distress situation. She had her own story outside of Robin and that is both rare and refreshing. Her and Robin played off one another so well, balancing out, working together in their actions like WangXian in battle. 

Speaking of Robin, I loved him, he is my favorite Robin yet. And Marion is my favorite Marion yet as well. And John. And very possibly Tuck as well.

Yahya (John) was amazing and I loved his friendship with Robin. He is literally the reason for Robin’s actions, even more than Marion in a way. And he is just awesome. So badass, an admirable strength of faith, I love him.

Will. I liked Will (up until he screamed at Marion to never speak to him again). Yes, he had a lot of ambition, but ambition is not inherently bad. Having ambition, strong ambition, is not bad, yet so many times in fiction we are given a different message. Was he kind of selfish and self serving? To an extent, but so is everyone. He did a lot for the people of Nottingham, worked hard not only to elevate in his social status, but to help those suffering under the sheriff. He was a light to the people of Nottingham and a light to Marion. It just so happened he was not the light they needed, and when it came to it, he was against taking a different route which, well admirable he wanted everything to be solved peacefully, was not going to help. At first I thought the movie would have been more enjoyable (solely because I wanted more content). Roughly halfway through the movie I realized no. The time constraint in the movie effects the story in such a way that it is better as a movie. I thought I’d do a dive into the things this movie gave me to think upon and the conclusions I drew from it but this is already like three pages long and it’s 3 am so that is coming later. (maybe, assuming I take the time to write it out and if anyone is remotely interested although then again I might just write it for me.)

Anyways, yeah, in the end Will turned evil. He crossed the line he had drawn for himself with his  no violence rule and I guess he decided to commit and instead of taking the time to adjust his moral compass and stuff he decided he’d be evil instead, letting ambition drive him to power and his inevitable doom in which he probably realized he done fucked up. Or maybe before that he slowly came to realize he needed to get over himself and went back to the light. Or, you know, he just committed, and was the bad guy until his last breath. It was an open ending so anything’s possible. (The reason I spent so much time talking about this is because I am upset that they went that way. I saw where it was heading, and I hoped it wouldn't happen because it’s just overdone at this point but then again if it ain’t broke don't fix it.)

Anyways (Yes I say that way to much even when typing I’ve just given up at this point) I need to go to bed. I’m kind of sad I didn’t touch more on both robin and Marion as individuals, nor did I touch on Yahya who was one of my favorite characters. But a lot of what I have to say about him kind of has to do with the stuff I want to make a separate post about later. Also, I didn’t even mention Tuck but again, he is going to have a significant part in my later post. That one is going to be even longer as in addition to my thoughts about the themes in the movie is one of the underlying themes religion which when I talk about it is either very short or very long. Sorry if this is to rambly-ee, again, it’s 3 (almost 4 now) and I'm tired af.

Long story short, good movie, enjoyable, favorite Robin Hood movie to date. 

[wolfstarbaby]

a gentle hand, a secret touch on the heart

This fic was written with love for @flaggermousseart​ for @wolfstar-secret-santa​! Enjoy! :D

Title: a gentle hand, a secret touch on the heart

Author: wolfstarbaby (fuutenfantasy on AO3)

Pairing: Wolfstar

Rating: T

Length: 6202 words

Summary: 

“James, Peter and Sirius manage to land themselves in detention the night of the full moon. Remus will be fine! He's done moons by himself before. Everything will be fine. Totally. 

Sirius is full of emotions and James can tell something is amiss. Remus is also full of emotions but better at hiding things. Will things work out for these star-crossed idiots? Read on to find out!”

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a gentle hand, a secret touch on the heart

Remus was waiting for his friends for three hours, half-reading an old History of Magic textbook and staring into the fire, before the Portrait Hole finally slammed open. Sirius came storming in first, followed by James, and Peter came scrabbling in last, still complaining at top volume.

“-and you know Tulip’s had it out for us from the start! Totally unfair, is what it is.”

“We know, Peter,” moaned James wearily. “You’ve been on about it for the past ten minutes. Just shut it.”

Sirius threw himself onto the couch next to Remus, his eyes narrowed and and his arms folded. Remus closed his book and eyed his friend.

“I take it things did not go according to plan?” he quipped. Sirius just grunted. James flopped onto a nearby armchair and Peter stretched out in front of the blazing fire, both arms over his head. The other Gryffindors on the floor in front of the fire had to scoot out of his way, pulling books and wands closer to them with half-hearted grumbles.

“Things went great!” said Peter, voice muffled. “For the first ten minutes, anyway. We had the ravens stowed and the birdseed scattered.”

“It was going to be magnificent!” James interrupted, waving his arms about. “A perfectly timed series of events that would lead to old Tulip being absolutely covered in birdshit! I had everything planned. But then...” he sighed, running a hand through his already wild hair. “It all fell apart.”

“How so?” Remus asked, trying and failing to conceal his smile.

After a dramatic pause, Peter took his arms off his face. “Tulip came in early.”

“We still could have gotten away with it,” James complained, sinking down into the overstuffed lap of the armchair, “if Padfoot hadn’t been busy using birdseed to spell WANKER on Tulip’s desk!”

Remus let out a snort and put down his book. “Did you really? That’s a bit much, even for you, Sirius.” He patted Sirius on the arm. Sirius glowered and made cranky noises, but the corner of his mouth twitched.

“And from there he looked up and saw the ravens and it was all downhill.” Peter sighed and rolled over onto his stomach. “Yelled at us for two hours. I thought his heart was going to burst, the way his veins were pulsing.”

“Glad I gave this one a pass, then.” Remus rubbed his shoulder, grimacing. “Not by choice, mind you, but I suppose it worked out. Did you get away with just a bollocking or do you hooligans have detention now, too?”

“We all have four hours of detention,” muttered Sirius. He turned to look at Remus. “Saturday night, starting at 8.”

Remus felt his stomach drop. “Oh.”

“I’m sorry, Moony!” James leaned forward, elbows on his knees. “We argued with Tulip for ages but he wouldn’t budge, and it’s not like we could tell him why.”

“I’ll be fine,” said Remus automatically. “I’ve done plenty of moons without you lot before, I’ll survive this one too.” He stood up abruptly, stretching with some difficulty. “Let’s go to supper, I’m famished.”

The evening passed as many do at Hogwarts. Sirius came out of his funk by dessert and soon all the boys were laughing and bantering like normal, but Remus noticed that every time he winced at a pre-lunar ache Sirius glanced over, worried. They took their usual spots around the huge scarred wooden table in the common room and muttered over some homework, making more jokes than progress on their Transfiguration essays.

“I just don’t understand how we’re meant to explain a process we’ve never seen before!” Peter complained, scratching his forehead with his quill and leaving a streaky black line in its wake. “ ‘Explain in fine detail the technical process of turning a chicken into a cow, paying special attention to where the additional mass comes from.’ What does she want us to do with this?”

Remus, already halfway through with his outline, just chuckled. “It’s in the book, Peter. You have to read.”

“Sounds like too much work,” said James, closing his book with a decisive thump. “Right, lads. How’s my hair?”

Sirius ruffled it playfully, messing it up even more. “Now it’s perfect. Go get her, Prongsie.”

James eyed his target, squared his shoulders, and stood. “Wish me luck.”

He sauntered across the common room so he could attempt to flirt with Lily - by which he meant leaning on the back of her chair and joining whatever conversation she was a part of with loud commentary and inappropriate humor. This was met with eye rolling, ignoring, and the occasional artfully dodged hex. Eventually Peter went for a shower before bed and it was just Sirius and Remus at the table, sitting in a comfortable silence, the pretense of working long since given up.

“Are you sure you’ll be alright by yourself this Saturday?” Sirius asked softly. “I could skip detention and Padfoot could be there at least.”

Remus’s heart clenched. “Don’t skip out, Tulip will lose his mind and you’ll be in even worse trouble. I’ll be fine, I promise.” He smiled, fairly convincingly. “Come on, let’s rescue Lily from Prongs and head upstairs.”

Together they hauled James away from Lily and her friends, dragging him up the stairs by his elbows, and Remus tried his best not to notice every time he bumped into Sirius on the narrow staircase. He climbed into bed after a round of “good nights” and only when the curtains whisper shut around him did he allow himself the luxury of basking in the idea that Sirius’s concern meant anything more than platonic worry. He fell asleep imagining a world that could not be - a world with Sirius stroking his hair and whispering sweet words meant for him and him alone, chasing away the lingering curse of the moon with his quiet warmth.

~~~

Remus had been quietly pining for his best friend for what seemed like forever, but for what was realistically about two years. Before Hogwarts he’d kept to himself out of both necessity and choice - growing up on an isolated farm and being bitten by a werewolf are both life challenges that keep you from making many friends. It wasn’t until about halfway through his second year that Remus began to realize that he wasn’t interested in his female classmates the way the other boys were, and not until his third year that his heart was captured by Sirius.

It wasn’t anything dramatic or complicated - in fact, it was the simplest thing of all. It was, as most things were in Remus’s life, centered around the full moon. A rough transformation in December of their third year had left Remus in the Hospital Wing for longer than usual - nearly a week. He spent the first two days of that awful week unconscious, and didn’t wake up until nearly midnight on that Wednesday. The first thing he saw when he opened his puffy eyes was long black hair strewn across the end of his bed. There, softly illuminated in the candlelight, was Sirius, head pillowed on his arms, fast asleep at the end of Remus’s bed. As if on cue, Sirius turned his head and smiled sleepily at Remus, and that was that for Remus’s heart.

But this realization was followed almost immediately by the knowledge, the deep, certain, bones-deep truth of the fact that he could never act upon his feelings. Not once, not ever. Sirius was assuredly heterosexual, and also one of the most important people in Remus’s life. He wasn’t going to put years of friendship in jeopardy over the simple vagaries of his heart. No, best to push these feelings way down deep and pretend they weren’t there.

This decision came in a split second, and Remus was able to return Sirius’s smile with one of his own - even if it was a little forced at the corners. He could live with that.

~~~

It was the day before the full moon, which means Remus woke up with full body aches and a head that felt like it was underwater. He buried his head under the pillow and tried to ignore the slow-roasting coals in his knees and shoulders. His stomach curled and twisted, though, and it wasn’t long before he was up and in the bathroom, viciously ejecting the remnants of his dinner the night before. His ears were ringing and his headache was splitting - all in all, normal pre-lunar symptoms. He thought about making is way down to the Hospital Wing, but the idea of submitting himself to the fluttering and worrying of Madame Pomfrey was almost more than he could bear - besides, it’s not like she could cure what was really wrong. He resolved to spend the day in bed and pretend like the rest of the world didn’t exist.

He heard the rest of the boys surface to consciousness and rise to face the day, but the velvet curtains around his bed and the mountain of pillows he’d sunk his head into muffled everything. He thought he heard his name once or twice.

“-Remus doing okay?”

“-probably not going to lessons today, poor chap.”

“-him alone. Moon’s tomorrow, you know how it is.”

There was a rustle and a change in the light against his eyelids, so Remus cracked one eye open to see Sirius, his dark hair swinging around his face as he peered through the curtains. He was so close to Remus that the ends of his hair brushed ever so slightly against the boy’s cheek. The sun, well and truly up by now, poured in behind Sirius, the golden streams illuminating him and giving him an unearthly sort of glow. The light got tangled in his hair and brought depth to the blackness, little pockets of richness and color that weren’t usually visible. His eyes were brown and so soft as he looked at Remus. Remus choked a little as his heart clenched almost painfully from the unexpected loveliness of this sight. It took him a minute to realize Sirius was talking to him.

“-anything, mate?”

“I - what?”

“I said, would you like us to bring you any breakfast? We’re heading down now.”

His stomach clenched again at the thought of food. “No thank you - I wouldn’t be able to keep it down, anyway.”

“Fair enough.” Sirius hesitated, then pushed a hand through the curtains and rested it on Remus’s hair, stroking it gently. Remus felt his whole body stiffen in reaction as his brain short-circuited. Quickly, as if embarrassed, Sirius pulled his head and arm back through the curtains, and the sunshine disappeared. “Get some rest, we’ll bring you what you miss in class.”

It wasn’t until the dormitory door closed with a soft clatter that Remus had the presence of mind to call out, “Thank you!”

Soon enough the dormitory was empty, and the air sat silent and still. Remus wanted to lie there and dwell on the unexpected moment of tenderness from Sirius that morning, but his body had other ideas and soon he was asleep again, his brain running from the pain as best it knew how. He spent the day in and out of consciousness, drifting along like a soap bubble. He was vaguely aware of the other boys coming and going, leaving books and parchment on his bedside table, and he managed to rouse himself enough to drink the mug of soup one of them brought for his lunch around noon.

The afternoon brought less drowsiness but more pain. His shoulder and hip joints, as if in preparation for the next day’s miseries, felt tense and twisted. A gentle heating charm cast on a pillow helped a little bit, but not a lot. Again the thought of the Hospital Wing crossed his mind, but at this point it would have hurt more to drag himself down there than to stay in bed.

Besides, he was used to pain.

He felt a weight settle at the end of his bed, and looked up to see the messy black hair and dorky glasses of James. His friend smiled easily and patted his leg.

“Hanging in there, Moony?”

Remus shrugged. “Day before the moon. You know how it is.”

James winced sympathetically. “Need anything?”

“A cure for lycanthropy?” Remus quipped.

James laughed. “I’ll get right on it. You take care.” He deposited an armload of parchment scrolls onto the teetering pile next to Remus’s bed and waved as he headed out the door again.

Remus knew they were all in their afternoon classes for the next few hours, so he was duly surprised when a half hour or so later Sirius showed up again.

“Aren’t you supposed to be in Potions?” Remus remarked, pushing himself to a sitting position.

Sirius shrugged and sat down. “Told Slughorn I needed to bring you your assignments.” He waved a hand at a notebook slung onto the floor. “Didn’t want you to fall behind, and all that.”

“And he just… let you go?” Remus raised an eyebrow. “Decent of him. Odd, but decent.”

“Not that odd.” Sirius smiled. “Everyone knows you’re his second favorite, after Lily. You’re a genius with a cauldron, as he says.”

They fell silent after that, Sirius fiddling with a wrinkle in the duvet and Remus watching his hand while trying to seem like he wasn’t. Finally, Sirius looked up.

“Look, mate, are you sure you don’t want me to skive off this detention tomorrow?

I hate the thought of you being up in the Shack alone.”

Remus sighed. “As much as I want to say yes, I’m going to say no. I don’t want you getting in more trouble because of me. It’s fine, Pads - I’ve been alone before.”

“I know,” said Sirius, “but you shouldn’t have to be.”

“I’ll be okay, Sirius, I promise.” And before he could stop himself, he blurted out, “but I love that you asked.” Immediately he felt his cheeks and ears turned crimson and hastily looked down, pretending to smooth out wrinkles in the duvet. He didn’t notice Sirius looking at him. Eventually Sirius stood to go back to class.

“We’ll bring you something from dinner if you don’t make it down,” he called over his shoulder as he left the dormitory. “Get some more sleep!”

As soon as the door closed Remus threw himself painfully backwards and covered his face with a pillow.

It wasn’t even that revealing of a comment! He told himself. God, what a state I’m in, mention the word ‘love’ once and I act like an idiot.

Somewhere in between the self-admonishment and the lingering moon-pain, he did fall asleep again. He woke up once more to the sound of James and Peter bring him a plate from the Great Hall - beef, yorkshire pudding, carrots, and a slice of Black Forest Gateau, if his wolf-sensitive nose was correct. They were talking softly as they approached, so as to not wake him up.

“-acting weird all day.”

“I know, Pete, but you know he’s always weird where Remus is concerned.”

“I wish he’d sort his feelings out, this pining is exhausting to watch.”

Still lying down and in a sleep-fever haze, Remus kept very still and hastily closed his eyes when James pulled aside the curtain to peek in. The curtain twitched closed again and the soft conversation resumed.

“I swear, James, he doesn’t even know what’s going on inside his own head. He won’t admit it to himself.”

“Did you see his face when Remus tripped into his lap last weekend by the lake? I thought he was going to produce steam, his face was so red.”

“He’s an idiot, Prongs. He needs our help.”

“You’re right, Pete - they’ll never sort it out for themselves.”

Remus waited until they had both left the room before getting the dinner plate. The wolf was getting stronger, and he was ravenous. He puzzled over what he’d just heard and the implications therein. He knew what he wanted it to mean, but he couldn’t risk the danger of hope, no matter how much he wanted to believe. He devoured the dinner plate and, lacking anything else to do, pulled over some of the work from Charms and began to read. O.W.L.s were this year, and Remus would be damned if he let something as stupid as lycanthropy keep him from scoring well.

~~~

Saturday morning. Moonrise due at 2 pm.

The achiness had left Remus’s joints, but he was left with a horrid combination of exhaustion and nervous energy. He wanted to be moving around, itching to do something, but the weariness enveloping his whole being kept him from doing very much at all. He settled for sitting on the edge of his bed, twisting the blanket in his fingers and swinging his feet, just…….. Waiting.

He eyed the others. James was flat on his back, curtains wide open, snoring with his mouth askew. Peter was an indistinguishable lump underneath his blanket. But Sirius - Sirius was propped up on one elbow and watching him, face expressionless. When he noticed Remus staring at him, he quirked up one corner of his mouth.

“The waiting is hard, isn’t it.” It wasn’t a question.

Remus shrugged. “Not as hard as some things, but… yes. The anticipation. I feel like I’m going to crack in half from the tension of it all.”

His hands kept working at the fabric of the blanket, bunching it up, smoothing it out, fidgeting with the wrinkles, pulling at loose threads. He stared down at them, as if they belonged to someone else. He felt disconnected from his own body, like he existed slightly above and to the left of everything around him. Those hands, in a few short hours, would twist and crack and bend and stretch, forming paws coated in coarse brown fur and tipped with wicked black claws. Those hands would tear at the walls of the Shrieking Shack, batter and beat at the remaining furniture until it was splinters. These nails would rend his own flesh, bringing blood and bruises and pain. These hands were capable of such damage. It was astonishing they ever produced anything of worth at all.

“Stop that, you’re going to hurt yourself.”

It wasn’t until Sirius’s smooth hands closed around his own that he realized how tightly he’d been gripping the blanket. He blinked, and relaxed his fingers. The muscles were sore, having been clenched up so tightly. He looked up - Sirius was on his knees, both hands wrapped around his own, lips slightly parted, his eyes filled with something… indescribable. Remus could feel the dry warmth of Sirius’s palms radiating into his knuckles, soothing them. He leaned forward a little almost without thinking, and now he realized he could smell Sirius - the scent of sleep, of laundry soap and clove and the faintest tinge of cigarettes. It was drowning his senses, the smell of him, the feel of him, everything. He was falling into Sirius’s eyes, surrounded by their gentle brown. Falling. Drowning. Rising up.

Somehow he came back to himself before he did anything stupid, like finish leaning forward and kissing the boy in front of him. Remus gently pulled his hands out of Sirius’s grasp and sat back. When he did, he saw the slightest hint of pain flash across Sirius’s face before the other boy stood up, hands jammed into his pockets. Remus grimaced inwardly and stood, trying not to look Sirius in the eye.

“I’d better head down to Pomfrey, it’s nearly time.” It wasn’t, and they both knew it, but Remus had to get out of that room before the tension knocked him sideways. Sirius nodded silently and moved aside to let him pass. As Remus went out the door, Sirius opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but changed his mind and shook his head. The door closed between them with a soft ‘click’.

~~~

Remus sat on the splintered bed in the Shrieking Shack and waited for the change to come over him. Sunlight streamed in the high-up window, sluicing through the dust in the air.

It always snuck up on him, like a train through the fog. By the time you noticed the rumbling and the noise, it was almost upon you.

He shuddered. He jerked. He twisted. He Changed. His nose sampled the air, searching for the smells that meant Friends, Safety, Fun, Comfort. He couldn’t find them! Where were they?

Out came teeth and claws.

~~~

A huge mountain of assorted birdseed was piled in the middle of the table. James, Sirius and Peter sat around it, armed with tweezers and an assortment of bowls. They surveyed their task.

“So let me get this straight. We have to sort this,” Peter pointed at the mountain with his tweezers, “into these bowls.” Another point.

James shook his head. “Tulip’s a clever bastard, I’ll give him that. This will take us all night.”

Sirius said nothing, just eyed the task before them with displeasure. After a moment’s silence, he sat with a heavy sigh and picked up a piece of seed at random with his tongs. The other boys flopped down and followed suit.

The moon hung high in the sky, visible from the narrow window. It was brilliantly white against the black of the night sky. Sirius kept glancing up at it.

An hour passed, then two, in relative silence.

~~~

The splintered bed finally crashed to the floor after a determined paw swipe took out the last leg. The wolf howled, calling for its friends. When no response came, its fangs clamped around a foreleg in frustration, sending blood splattering across the wall.

~~~

A howl echoed up from the forest, causing all three boys to pause. Sirius abandoned his tweezers and got up, crossing to the window. He gazed out at the forest, fingers drumming a rhythm on the windowsill. Peter and James exchanged significant glances, and then James put down his tweezers.

“Padfoot?”

“What?” said Sirius, still looking out the window.

James rolled his eyes. “When are you going to pull your head out of your arse and tell Remus how you really feel?”

That got a reaction. Sirius stiffened and spun, hands clenched and eyes wide.

“I - I don’t - you mean -” he paused, forced himself to be still, and finished. “I don’t know what you’re on about, Prongs.”

“We’re not stupid, mate,” chimed in Peter. “You’ve been pining over him for at least a year. Him being alone tonight has you wound tighter than a paranoid doxy.”

“You goggle at him when he’s not looking,” added James. “You find every excuse to touch him. And the way your eyes look when he’s smiling at you…” he shook his head. “Sirius, did you think we would hate you if you told us?”

A pause, then Sirius sank into a chair and rested his face in his hands. “Am I that obvious?” His voice was muffled by his palms.

“Yes,” said Peter and James in unison. Sirius groaned.

“Does Remus know?” Sirius asked, still covering his face.

“No idea. “James shrugged, picking up his tweezers again. “But you should go find out.”

Sirius turned to look at James. “What, now? But we’re-”

“Go on.” James reached into his robes and threw the Invisibility Cloak at Sirius, nearly knocking him out of his chair when it hit him in the face. “We’ll finish up here.”

“We will?” Peter asked, then jumped and rubbed his shin where James had kicked it. “I mean, yeah, we will. Go get him, Pads.”

Sirius thought about it, and finally stood to cover himself in the Cloak. “I… thank you for not hating me,” came from the air where he’d been standing. James just chuckled.

“You’ll have to do a lot worse than fall in love to get us to hate you. Now go!” The door opened by an invisible hand. “And don’t come back to the Tower until you’ve told him how you feel!” James called after his escaping friend. He turned back to the tower of birdseed and sighed.

“Shall we?” Peter grumbled.

~~~

The wolf curled up in the center of the room, panting. Wood splinters and strips of wallpaper littered the floor, along with slapdash specks of blood and tufts of fur. It was Sad. Confused. Angry.

Its ears twitched as a distant patter came ever closer up the tunnel, and a familiar scent wafted its way into the room as the trapdoor flapped open. The wolf lifted its head.

Friend? Here? Friend! It bounced to its feet, disregarding the myriad cuts and bruises all over its body, and ran over to the large black dog makings its way into the room. The black dog sniffed it all over, whimpering at the blood.

The wolf didn’t care about its pain - now its friend was here, and all was well.

~~~

The weak morning sunlight slanted past the curtains, and Remus cracked an unwilling eye to the world. Just like every morning-after, he took a general inventory of his body - ankle definitely twisted and maybe sprained, deep cuts across the left thigh, bruised ribs, scratches everywhere… he touched a hand to his nose and winced. Definitely broken. He pushed himself to a sitting position, moving slowly so as to not jostle his injuries more than necessary. The thin blanket kept in the Shack fell away from his chest as he sat up, and fell onto Padfoot’s sleeping body. He’d apparently curled up next to Remus to keep him warm during the night.

Just thinking about warmth made Remus realize how cold it was in the room, especially since he was decidedly unclothed. He looked around for where he usually left his clothes, and saw only a pile of shredded cloth. He grimaced - last night had been pretty terrible, it seemed. He shivered, and it was this movement that woke Padfoot up. The dog opened it eyes, cocked its head, and then in a complex and brain-twisting series of movements turned into Sirius sitting cross-legged on the floor.

“Morning, Moons,” he whispered. Remus tried to smile, but the dried blood on his face had stiffened the skin too much. He reached one hand up to wipe it away, but gave up after a few halfhearted swipes. Sirius got to his knees.

“Here, let me.” He took the edge of his jumper and gently wiped Remus’s face, working off the worst of the blood. Once finished, he took the blanket and wrapped it around Remus, then stood up. He went to the trapdoor, rummaged around for a second, and returned with a bag.

“Don’t worry, I came prepared.” Out of the bag he drew a sweater and a pair of soft pants, as well a thermos and his wand. “I was a bit in a hurry, but managed to grab a few things.” He tossed the clothes at Remus and turned his back in a semblance of privacy.

“I’m surprised you came at all,” croaked Remus as he pulled on the sweater and pants. “Weren’t you supposed to be in detention?”

“Prongs and Wormtail covered for me.” Sirius turned back around, the thermos in his hands now full of steaming liquid. He poured some into a cup and gave it to Remus. “Hot chocolate. Drink up.”

Remus took a tentative sip - it was delicious, and not too hot. It was smooth and rich and filled his aching mouth with warmth and sweetness. He drank the hot chocolate slowly as Sirius gathered his shredded clothes into a pile. When that was done, he dropped onto the floor next to Remus and looked him over, eyes moving slowly up and down Remus’s body. Remus flushed, hoping the bruises on his face would cover any redness. Sirius reached out a gentle hand and held it over Remus’s injured ankle, not quite touching it.

“This must smart, yeah?”

Remus nodded, avoiding eye contact. He felt the tap of a wand on his ankle, and with a warm squishing sensation the swollen tissue receded somewhat and the pain died down. It still hurt, but nowhere near as bad. Sirius pushed up Remus’s pants leg, tapping the deep cuts on his thigh with his wand to close them up. The warm hand on his bare thigh was doing strange things to Remus’s brain, and he gripped the now-empty cup of hot chocolate so tightly it almost broke. Another gentle tap to his broken nose twitched it somewhat back into place. Remus finally looked up, and saw Sirius less than six inches away from his face. His eyes were wide, his mouth slightly open. Remus stared - he couldn’t help it. There was a fine spray of freckles, so light you usually couldn’t see them, across the bridge of Sirius’s nose. He found himself focusing on those freckles, wondering what it would be like to kiss each one. He leaned forward unconsciously, closing the distance to four inches. Then three.

“Remus, I…” Sirius closed his eyes briefly. “I need to…”

But what he needed was interrupted by the sounds of footsteps in the tunnel. The boys sprang apart, Sirius throwing the Invisibility Cloak on just in time for Madame Pomfrey to throw open the trapdoor. Remus managed to send the thermos and cup over to the concealed Sirius in a panicked slide before Madame Pomfrey had climbed all the way into the room. She did her usual clucking and fussing over Remus, practically pouring two bottles of potion down his neck to speed up the healing process. If she thought the clothes were unusual, she was kind enough not to say anything.

They made their way back to the Hospital Wing, where Remus spent the day sleeping in a curtained-off bed. When he woke up for the third time some time around 3 pm, his ribs felt better and the other Marauders were clustered around his bed. James was the first one to notice he was awake, and grinned broadly.

“Cheers, Moo- er, Remus,” he said with a sideways glance at Pomfrey three beds away. “Welcome back to reality.”

Remus grinned weakly. “How was detention?”

Peter pulled a disgusted face. “It was awful!” And he launched into the story of Tulip’s detention. Remus half-listened, laughing or exclaiming in the right places, as his mind wandered. He kept thinking about this morning, about what he’d almost done.

He’d almost kissed Sirius, right there in the Shrieking Shack. And he was pretty certain that Sirius had wanted him to.

He chanced a glance at Sirius, who was sitting on the edge of the bed half-smiling at some pivotal moment in Peter’s story. He glanced over and made accidental eye contact with Remus, blushed, and looked away.

The blush was interesting and worth looking into, Remus thought. All at once he threw caution to the winds and made a decision.

“Madame Pomfrey?” he called. The matron made her way over to them, giving the Marauders a dirty look and a wide berth.

“Yes, dear?” she asked, patting him on the shoulder.

“Can I finish resting up in my dormitory?”

“Of course, dear. But come back down if you need anything.” He nodded, and she walked away. The other boys seemed a little surprised. Remus sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed.

“Pads, will you help me back to Gryffindor Tower?” Sirius’s head shot up and he looked at Remus warily, but nodded. Remus stood and only wobbled a little bit, which he counted as a victory.

“I’ll see you lads later, then.” This to James and Peter. James immediately grabbed Peter’s arm and pulled him to his feet.

“Right, we’re off to the library. See you at dinner!” He hauled a protesting Peter away in the direction of the library. Remus smiled inwardly. James always was quick on the uptake.

Remus and Sirius made their way slowly back to Gryffindor Tower. It hadn’t been a ruse - Remus genuinely needed help, especially on the stairs. He found himself leaning on Sirius more often than was strictly necessary, though - and each time he saw the blush and felt the nervousness. But by the time they were climbing through the Portrait Hole, Remus was almost spent. The Common Room was nearly empty, thankfully - most people were spending this cold but sunny Sunday afternoon outside or somewhere on the grounds, with only one or two zealous fifth years seated and studying at the tables. No one bothered them as they climbed the stairs to the fifth-year dormitory.

Sirius helped Remus climb into bed, and stood there awkwardly as Remus arranged the blankets and pillows around himself. When he was finished, Remus looked up at Sirius.

“Sit with me?” he asked, softly. “Please?”

Sirius sat on the bed, legs tucked up underneath him. He stared down at his hands, fiddling with the fabric of his pants.

Remus took a deep breath. “Sirius…”

“Look, I’m sorry, okay?” Sirius burst out. “I shouldn’t have… I almost… I didn’t mean to…” he sighed. “It won’t happen again, I promise.”

Remus just blinked a few times. “...what?” he finally managed to ask.

Sirius balled up handfuls of the blanket beneath him, his knuckles white with the tension. He still wouldn’t look a Remus. “I… I almost kissed you earlier, in the Shack. I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry.” He blinked several times. “All of my feelings just came rising up and spilling out and I couldn’t control myself, Remus, you were right there, right beneath my hands and so close to my face, and I could see your eyes, and the way the light was hitting you, and God, I just…” he scrubbed one hand over his face almost angrily and took several deep breaths. “I just don’t want this to ruin us. Ruin our friendship. Because so help me God keeping you in my life is more important than any stupid emotions I might be feeling.”

He fell silent, still breathing hard. Remus’s mind was reeling. He gathered himself together enough to reach out and touch Sirius’s wrist. The other boy jerked under his touch and turned to face Remus, brown eyes overbright with tears. Remus closed his hand around Sirius’s wrist.

“Pads, are you telling me you fancy me?” Sirius closed his eyes and nodded, just once. A wave of excitement and relief washed over Remus, and for the second time in an hour he threw caution - and himself - to the winds. He pulled Sirius by the wrist towards himself, caught the other boy’s face in his free hand, and kissed him.

The kiss, as kisses went, was too new and enthusiastic to be much good. It was all angles and teeth and repositioning, but it was honest and right and full of the feelings neither had been able to express. Sirius’s lips were warm and a little chapped, and they felt like perfection. They felt like comfort, safety, and home.

Sirius eventually leaned back, cheeks flushed. “I… wow, Moony, I just…” he ran a hand through his hair. “How long?”

Remus reached out a hand to run it through Sirius’s hair as well. “About a year and a half. I’ve wanted to do this for so long.” He wound strands of black hair around his fingers, carefully working out any small tangles he encountered. Sirius leaned into the touch. “How about you?”

“About a year,” Sirius replied, with a soft smile. “We’re right idiots for waiting so long, I suppose.”

“Something like that.” Remus was overtaken by a yawn so large his jaw cracked. “I really should get some more rest if I’m going to be in any sort of shape to go to lessons tomorrow.” He leaned back on his pillow, letting his hand fall from Sirius’s hair. Sirius picked up the hand where it lay and held it in both of his.

“Would you like me to stay?” Remus intertwined his fingers with Sirius’s.

“No, you go down to dinner and bring me something back.” He pulled Sirius’s hand to his mouth and kissed it, delighting in the sheer overwhelming fact that he could. “We should talk more when you get back. About - well, all of this.”

Sirius stood up. “What should I tell the others? James and Pete, I mean.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “They already know… some of it. My side of it, anyway. Practically threw me out of detention by my collar to go to you.”

Remus made himself comfortable in the blankets and pillows. “Tell them I swept you off your feet. Make me sound romantic.” Exhaustion was coming back over him in waves. Sirius leaned over, tilted his chin up with one finger, and kissed him again. This kiss was less urgent and more languid, sweeter, gentler. When he stood up again Remus’s head was swimming.

“I’ll see you soon,” he whispered. Sirius kissed Remus once more and made his way out of the dormitory, closing the door very gently behind him.

Remus slid into sleep and into dreams that welcomed him with open arms. Dreams of a person who saw his heart and held it, warm in their hands. Dreams of Sirius. Dreams of love.

[fun-with-colors]

2 3 7 10 12 13 14 18 19 20 40 46 50 Quarantine asks? (Sorry if thats too many)

That’s totally fine! Happy to answer questions, haha

I hope you don’t mind if I sometimes take the opportunity to go off on tangents and anecdotes, though. If it comes up. 

Whew, alright. Let’s do this. 

I’m gonna put this under a readmore because it’s probably gonna get long. And because, for once in my life, I am actually on the desktop version of tumblr.

2. Grilled Cheese or PB&J?

Grilled cheese. PB&Js can get soggy more easily, and they can be kind of mushy if you get the ratios wrong. Besides, they’re much more likely to be sticky and messy, and honestly there are very few things I hate more in this world than having my hands or face be sticky. 

3. Background video for when i don’t have anything to watch, but I want Something On?

I really like this youtube series called Citation Needed. Its premise is that it’s kind of like a reverse trivia thing. One guy has a laptop with a wikipedia article up, and he’ll give the other 3 guys only the name of the article, and they have to figure out what the article is about. It’s hilarious, and also informative. Honestly, pretty much anything with Tom Scott is good background stuff, I’ve found. That might just be because he makes videos about computer science and linguistics, though, and those two things are pretty much my favorites.

7. First word as a child (that wasn’t a variation of “mom” or “dad”)?

I’m pretty sure it was “ball.” Boring, I know. 

10. Do you own any signed books/memorabilia in general?

I own a few signed books, but that was mostly just happenstance. The only thing I have that’s special for being signed is a poster for a play I was going to be in. It was cancelled due to the coronavirus, sadly. It’s signed by a lot of the other members of the cast and crew. 

12. What do you get on your bagels? What WOULD you get, if you could get anything?

I alternate between regular cream cheese and strawberry cream cheese. Honestly, I’m intrigued by the idea of a thin layer of cheesecake on top of a proper new york bagel. (though the idea of cheesecake on one of those “it’s just circular bread” bagels sounds horrible)

13. Brunch or midnight snacks?

Why not both? A snack after I wake up, and then a lunch(?) somewhere between 10 am and 3 pm, dinner at about 6:30, and then a midnight snack. 

14. Favorite mug you own?

I’ve got a few that are great. There’s one that looks like a red solo cup, which is awesome. I’ve also got one with a cat on it sitting at a desk with a bunch of papers with complicated graphs on them saying “at one point, this made perfect sense”

18. What’s the one TV show that you’re a little bit embarrassed to watch but you like nonetheless?

Uh... hm. I don’t watch many TV shows. Recently I’ve been binging My Hero Academia, but I don’t think that’s the answer to the question. There isn’t one, really? I used to watch TV shows that I now find kind of embarrassing, but at the time I was smack dab in the middle of the demographic, and I didn’t find them embarrassing at the time. There is a TV show that I was watching a few months ago (but ended up dropping) called Interviews with Monster Girls that definitely fit into this category, though. 

19. That book you were forced to read for class but ended up enjoying?

Hmm. There were a few books that I liked when I read them but have since grown less enthusiastic about, including Lord of the Flies and the Great Gatsby. However, I did really like To Kill a Mockingbird. I actually had to read that twice for school, once in middle school and once in high school. 

20. Do you match your socks?

It depends. I’ve got some socks where I definitely match them, because they’ve got words on them or something, but there are some pairs where I don’t worry about it too much. That said, I absolutely make sure that the socks are the same thickness, the same material, and the same height. Otherwise, it’s unbearable. Basically, since all of my socks are colorful and patterned and from a bunch of different sets, I just make sure the two socks are from the same set. 

And now it’s time for:

SOCKS THAT MY MOM HAS GOTTEN ME OVER THE YEARS:

-a pair that say “Kick this day in it’s sunshiney ass”

-a pair that say “I’m a delicate fucking flower”

-a pair that say “Love you... weirdo”

-a pair that say “These are my cuddly period socks”

-a pair that say “Cats don’t care if you’re crazy”

-my grandmother got me a pair that say “fuck off, I’m reading”

-a pair that say “you say crazy cat lady like it’s a bad thing”

And my personal favorite, 

-a pair that say “Adult in training” (They seem like they’ll always bee too big for me)

Alright, back to the questions

40. Where do you sit in the living room?

Either on the left side of the couch or on one of the two chairs opposite the couch. Mostly the couch. There are only really 3 places to sit in the living room, and I don’t really spend enough time there to have a specific place. Really, the only place where I have a “specific place” is at the kitchen table. 

46. What’s the freezer food you stock up on when you go to the grocery store?

I don’t really have a staple for this. I guess... pasta? Mac and cheese or tortellini? Most of the time I just buy box mac  and cheese and non-frozen tortellini, though. 

50. How are you at climbing trees?

Oh man. I miss the days when I feared neither bugs nor moss nor splinters. I had a reputation as a kid. I could (and would) climb anything. I made a point to climb as high as I could any time I saw a climbable tree, and usually I made it pretty far. I remember one time I was at the park with my friends, and there was this huge pine tree. The branches all started too high up to reach, but there was a chain-link fence right beneath it. I climbed up the fence and into the tree, and then I just kept climbing. I got all the way to the very top. The crows that were sitting up there looked kind of confused. My friends were impressed, though. 

I also used to climb to the top of the chain-link thing behind home base at the baseball diamond at that park too. Though, it was pretty common for me to be yelled at for that. The fence was kind of coming apart from the railing at the very top of the cone-shaped part, and so people got nervous when I went up there and laid on the fencing. Never fell, though. 

I also found a way to get on top of one of the buildings at that park. There was a fence that connected up with the back of the building, and there was also a pipe that went up the side of the building. I realized that by climbing on the fence, I could reach the pipe, and I could climb up the brackets holding it to the wall and onto the roof. Eventually, my mom told me that I had to stop doing that, because it was making other parents nervous and she was tired of explaining that “Yes, I know my child is on the roof. Yes, it’s fine. Yes, she can get back down. No, I’m not concerned.” And she also didn’t want other kids who couldn’t get back down safely to copy me. “Hey, stop, you’re making other parents nervous and I’m tired of having to constantly explain that everything’s fine” was a pretty common thing for me to hear. 

There was also that time that I was at a summer camp, and there was a tree. I went up there with a few of my friends, and we were having a grand old time. Eventually, I found a bouncy branch and decided to bounce on it. One of my friends was like “Hey, uh, are you sure that’s safe? It looks like it might break.” And I said “Yeah, it’s fine! Besides, I’ve got this other branch to hold on to if anything happens, not that it wil”--*SNAP* and then I fell. Luckily, I managed to catch myself on another branch on the way down, so it was more like a 7 foot fall than a 15 foot fall, but still. I was fine, if shaken. However, that led to a limit on how high into that tree we were allowed to climb. 

I was also the one who most commonly ignored that limit. 

So, in summary: Pretty good. 

[cockbiteproductions]

you know i'm coming in with the request for Prime Numbers

i have to google if 1 is a prime number or not Every Single Time i think about prime numbers. it is not. maybe i will remember that one day.

this ended up being a bit long so i’ll put it under a readmore.

2: Favorite book?

sorry but i don’t know how to read....... again.... no favorite book. very sorry but all i read is fic. but the most recent book i read was never let me go by kazuo ishiguro which i enjoyed. english class got me reading books man. i’ve read like 5 of these fuckers this semester. one of my favorite fanfics ever is atlas by distractedkat i guess. and swinging pendulum by cywscross but that one is incomplete. i read ghettoside a true story of murder in 11th grade and liked that a lot. again, not a favorite. just a book i enjoyed.

3: Favorite fictional character?

just one? just one??? if it’s just One it’s ahsoka tano...... she man..... just She. close runner up is jared kleinman though tbh. he’s really shot up in the rankings. very different characters but i love them both very much. well the Similarities are the snark / sarcasm. ahsoka is like. role model material. and wife material. and like. unabashedly badass and strong through hardship and brave and just. cool as hell. child me growing up watching tcw was like oh my god i want to be her. jared is more like. oh god i relate to this disaster man. 

5: What’s your favorite fictional ship? (Canon or otherwise)

again..... just one? i know ship means like. romantic relationship. but fuck that. my favorite relationship is the weird brother/sister father/daughter relationship anakin skywalker and ahsoka tano have going on. man. just. Them. if i had to pick romantic relationship uh i guess currently it’s evan hansen and jared kleinman. (it’s the tragedy. i’m a fan of unhappy endings ok... the only thing i like more than an unhappy ending is a banger fix it fic. get the Ouch of the unhappy ending in comparison to the happy ending. + time travel so an in canon character Knows about the unhappy ending and gets to experience the good one? good shit.... im on a tangent.)

7: List 3 negative traits you have

- lazy. i do nothing every day all day......

- coward. I Be Scared.

- clingy. still thinking about that time an ex friend said i was too annoying bc i talked to them too much. rip. thanks for being my source of anxiety whenever i think i’m talking to people too much now.

11: How do you decide when it’s time to cut someone out of your life for good?

i just generally lose contact with people. i can only recall ever making a conscious decision to cut someone out of my life a few times ever. once was winter/spring of last year when a friend of mine was a real ass to me. but a lot of the time i intentionally distance myself because of [do my friends hate me or do i just need to go to sleep] and i didn’t go to sleep.

13: What are your favorite lyrics currently?

“cemeteries never do provide the answers of the questions to inside” from velociraptor by joe iconis

“we find the solution to escape our fate. it lies in the equal distribution of our weight.” from last on land by joe iconis.

“i tried to give her something real but all she wanted was a show. and i’m not much of a jester, seems i’m more like a clown. i try, everything and anything to paint my face and blow up a balloon but there was no air left to give. it left me long ago.” from don’t love her anymore by maria wirries.

“you lead with your heart and i’ll lead with my heart (let’s talk it out) and we’ll talk it out, let’s talk it out.” from talk it out by asia kate dillon.

“and it ain’t just about the blood. shout out to the families that’s families cause of love.” from family by roman banks.

17: If you could make a wish, what would you wish for if you knew it would come true?

what a question........ i’d like a donut right now. i have donuts and they’re in the kitchen but i am sitting on the couch and don’t feel like moving. so a donut in my hand right now. that’d be nice. or i’d wish for this couch to be more comfy. oh wait. i’d like to wish for pandemic over.

19: How do you handle heartbreak? Is it something that’s easy for you to get over, or something you struggle with?

don’t have to deal with heartbreak if you never heart broken in the first place [rollsafe.jpg]. uh but for real, really badly. i just don’t deal with it for months at a time and then end up crying for like a solid 2-3 hours straight when i finally think about it a bit too much. and then repeat. and then eventually i get over it. it works pretty well except for the times where i am crying for 2-3 hrs at a time.

27: What helps you realize that you have a crush on someone?

misread this question as “what helps you when you realize you have a crush on someone” and was quite confused for a moment. uh i would like to think i am pretty self aware, so i realize it pretty quickly. but it basically boils down to I Actively Look Forward to talking to them. which also applies to like friends though. idk man i crush on a lot of people for like 10 minutes and then get over it just as quickly. i guess the difference between the 10 minute crushes and the people who fuck me up is like. my time investment in this person. how often i spend thinking about them when i am not interacting with them + how much i interact with them. oH no i realized after typing all this that 3*9 is 27 oops. oh well you get an extra answer.

29: Do you think zodiac signs can influence someone’s personality to an extent?

only if they let it. if the person thinks its important and spends a fair amount of time learning about it then they’ll probably internalize some of it. i mean it’s like that thing about names influencing the kind of person people become except names are things everyone pays attention to and is actually relevant.

31: What does ‘self care’ look like for you?

sleeping in or taking a nap. which i do. a lot. and should do now. it’s 1:30 am. i just love being unconscious. no thoughts head empty time. temporary death. no dealing with anything. blanket soft.

37: Have you ever been surprised by someone staying in your life?

no not really. i have to have expectations that are differed from to be surprised. my lack of like. awareness about my place in people’s lives means i don’t really expect people to stick around or plan for that. which sounds sad but it’s just not something i really think about. really it’s that expectation bit. i don’t think about it so i don’t have any expectations so i’m not surprised.

41: How do you show you care?

caring about people is for losers. insert sunglasses face emoji. uh generally just telling someone about [something that reminded me of them] or sending someone something i think they’d appreciate like a song or meme or whatever.

43: Which of the seven deadly sins do you feel represents you the most?

sloth. im a lazy fucker. if i could not do anything forever i might. or maybe gluttony but not for food. for like. things that make me happy. overindulgence in media when i should be doing other things. i have no self control. see below.

47: What are you passionate about?

very generally, fiction. the amount of time i invest in thinking about or consuming [fiction, fan generated or otherwise] is honestly ridiculous. stories are just cool man. escapism babey!