#i read too much gothic shit and have read and seen too many things with the horror of incest so

[thelioncourts]

i read the thing in the original pilot script, he saying he was his mother's man etc and since they eventually dropped that (or were they stopped idk) i hope it'll be like u said, but i dont even want to see a kiss shdgfjkd. yeah all these jokes by the cast and the official account make me uncomfortable tho. not everything need to be the same in the amc adaption

I get it being uncomfortable and, unfortunately for a lot of people, gothic storytelling often depicts some kind of incest. gabrielle in particular really showcases almost every trait seen in traditional female gothic lit

Female Gothic novels also address women's discontent with patriarchal society, their difficult and unsatisfying maternal position, and their role within that society. Women's fears of entrapment in the domestic, their bodies, marriage, childbirth, or domestic abuse commonly appear in the genre.

there's also this interest in the gabrielle/lestat thing because incest - while always taboo - is almost always fathers/daughters or siblings in commonality. mother/son or father/son or mother/daughter, etc. are rarer. we do see it in media, look at the classic oedipus rex or bates motel (and i think house of the dragon just did some too (??), but it's still rarer and definitely causes a different kind of stir among watchers.

I think part of why it will be discussed in the show, beyond what I've already said, is that part of the horror of it all is how mother/son incest subverts the traditional maternal instinct. there's this really great read by diplacadi where she states

...mothers are assumed incapable of assaulting their sons because ‘they lack the sexual equipment necessary for direct sexual agency or assault. Without a penis women are assumed to be the acquiescent objects, not the active agents, of sexual acts. The idea of women as actively assaulting men sexually is such a troubling idea to normative definitions of female agency that the existence of such acts is often dismissed. Though McKinnon refers to the way modern Americans view the role of the mother, its applicability to the British eighteenth- and nineteenth- century Gothic is aptly demonstrated in her assertion that: ‘the only way to account for the contravention of the “natural” is by conjuring the “unnatural” – a woman whose intellectual deficiency or psychological pathology completely undermines her maternal nature

now, it's important for us to note that in the books gabrielle and lestat do not have sex and, again, I don't see them doing that. but gabrielle crosses boundaries with lestat - heavily because of her lack of maternal feeling and also because of how she is lestat, she is him in her head, they are the same as she does not relate to her feminine side at all but thrives in her masculinity that she envies lestat for being and having. to her, he is not quite a son as much as the person she was supposed to be, so sharing about how she wants to murder her husband and other sons and sharing how she wants to have the village men do things to her simply for the thrill of causing a scene isn't her sharing with her son - to her - but sharing with a friend, with herself.

I think a kiss between lestat and gabrielle, something that happens in the book, can be expected in the show. and yeah, it sucks, but I think it's going to be how we're also, at some point, going to see armand in his worship of marius, something that will make us all sick to witness but will add to the horror.

in an ideal, lestat is going to realize his worth outside of his mother in the show and maybe not be quite so invested in her. not saying I don't think she's important or that he should have no relationship of any kind with her, but I think if we're going to acknowledge marius' abuse we have to acknowledge gabrielle's. and I think the show has the potential to do all of that while staying true to the story but being. better than it. something the show does with 99% of AR material.

and this isn't even getting into covert incest and the way lestat becomes the father/provider of his house because of his own father's abuse and failure and so, in turn, his father makes him his mother's husband in a lot of ways but !

[trupowieszcz-moved]

have you ever wondered what people ate in 17th century poland? me neither, but my dad has and since he's a historical reenactor and has reenactor friends, they managed to dig out a cooking book from the period, called Compendium Ferculorum.

this book contains possibly the weirdest recipe i have ever fucking seen, enigmatically called "dish with pancakes", to lull you into a false sense of security. the weirdest thing about it is that it actually tastes really good, and not at all like you would imagine when you initially hear what goes into it.

i understand most of you aren't able to read 17th century polish in a gothic font, so here's the direct transcription:

LXXVI. Potráwá z Naleśnikami Weźmiy Kapłona álbo Cielęćiny, álbo Báránka, porąb, wymocz, ociągniy, odbierz, poley Rosołem, ułoż másłá, pietruszki, soli, warż, á gdy dowiera, wley rosołu, wley Octu winnego, Cukru, pieprzu, Szafránu, Cynamonu, przywarz. Zrob Naleśniki, w materią wsyp trochę Száfranu y Cukru, uwarz Ryżu albo Jaieśnicę usmasz, wsyp Száfranu, Rożenkow drybnych, zawiiay tę máteryą w Naleśniki, w ktorą y Cukru przydasz, zrob z Jáiec máteryą, to iest: rozbiy Jáiec, maczay końce tych Naleśnikow w Jáycách rozbitych, puszczay ná gorące másło, a gdy odrętwiesz, daway te potráwę, a Naleśniki ná wierzch kładź, a zalewáiąc day ciepło.

which, loosely "translated" to modern polish, would be:

76. Potrawa z naleśnikami Weź kurczaka, cielęcinę lub baranka, poćwiartuj, wymocz, oskóruj, odbierz [to nie wiem co mogło oznaczać niestety], zalej rosołem, dołóż masła, pietruszki i soli, gotuj, a gdy zawrze, wlej resztę rosołu, ocet winny, cukier, pieprz, szafran i cynamon, gotuj dalej. Zrób naleśniki, do ciasta dosyp trochę szafranu i cukru, ugotuj ryż lub usmaż jajecznicę, wsyp szafran, drobne rodzynki i zawiń to nadzienie w naleśniki; w rozbełtanych jajkach z dodatkiem cukru zamocz końce naleśników i podsmaż na maśle, a gdy jajko się zetnie, podawaj potrawę z naleśnikami na górze, zalanymi gorącą zupą.

and in english:

76. Pancake dish Take a chicken, veal or lamb, quarter it, soak it, skin it, pick it up [this I don't know what it could mean unfortunately], pour broth over it, add butter, parsley and salt, cook it, and when it boils, pour in the rest of the broth, wine vinegar, sugar, black pepper, saffron and cinnamon, continue cooking. Make pancakes, add a little saffron and sugar to the batter, cook rice or scrambled eggs, add saffron, small raisins and wrap this filling in the pancakes; dip the ends of the pancakes in beaten eggs with added sugar and fry in butter, and when the egg has set, serve the dish with the pancakes on top, drenched in hot soup.

lo and behold, this is what it looks like:

maybe it's not the most appetizing thing in the world, but please trust me when i say that this slaps. this is so fucking good. it has no right of being this good, but it is. why would they eat it back in the day if it wasn't good? this was for high-ranking nobles' kitchens. it had to slap. it had to be over the top and weird.

since the original recipe isn't very descriptive of how much of what you have to add, i'm gonna write it out with as many details as i can for those who aren't as kitchen-savvy and wish to try to make this tasty abomination. unfortunately i forgot to take pictures along the way, so no illustrations, sorry.

Ingredients (for about... 4 servings? I don't know. We had 2 and there was still a lot left):

for the pancakes:

500g of all-purpose flour

4-5 eggs (3 for the batter, 1-2 for later shenanigans)

like a cup of milk

2-3 spoons of sugar (brown sugar would probably be more historically accurate)

saffron (the more the better but watch out, it's expensive as shit)

some water if it turns out too thick

for the broth:

1.5 liters of water

3 stock cubes (if the package says one per 0.5l; otherwise just check what it says)

or you can just make broth from scratch if you want to roleplay a 17th century cook

3-4 chicken drumsticks (or an equivalent amount of veal or lamb)

cinnamon

black pepper

m o r e s a f f r o n

around 120g of butter (half a package if you're polish and know what i'm talking about)

one parsley root

3-4 tablespoons of wine vinegar

a... handful? of sugar. around 2-3 tablespoons, I guess

for the scrambled eggs:

4 eggs (or more; 1 per pancake)

a little bit of milk

1 tablespoon of sugar

e v e n m o r e s a f f r o n if you can afford it

raisins (or dried cranberries or whatever you want that has a similar taste size and texture)

you can also try to make this with rice instead of scrambled eggs. i imagine it can't be that hard.

the steps (there's a lot.):

Sieve the flour and add every other pancake ingredient into it; make sure the saffron is crushed into smaller bits

mix that shit with a hand mixer. it should be the consistency of like, sour cream, so if it's too thick, add a bit of water and check again. it's gotta be generally thick though, make sure it's not too runny (if the consistency is beginning to resemble banana juice, it's too runny already).

heat up the pan, put a little bit of oil on it with a folded paper towel (so you don't burn yourself on accident) and cook the pancakes until they're a bit golden, but not yet brownish in the spots that stick to the pan the most. basically just don't burn them. add a little oil the same way every 2 pancakes.

there's your pancakes, set them aside and move on to other stuff - it's broth time

boil the stock with the parsley root and your meat of choice, but don't add any spices yet, just the fuckton of butter. let it simmer for like an hour. yes, an hour. good soup takes time.

once the time has passed, you can add the spices. notice how i didn't really specify how much of the spices you have to add, and this is because you have to follow your heart and add as much as you can possibly handle eating. no, it's not gonna be too much. add that shit. add 3/4 of a 15g pepper packet. add almost the entire 15 grams of cinnamon. add like a bit of salt, but not a lot this time, just like 2 pinches. ADD THE SAFFRON. add the sugar. add more vinegar than you think would be enough normally. it's gonna boil away anyway.

mix it and let it simmer for even longer. taste it every now and then to see if you can handle it. if a few minutes after doing the dark magic listed above the taste is still very strong, that's good. if it's so strong your throat starts burning, you may be entitled to some more water in there, but if you don't start crying, leave it be. for like another hour.

time for scrambled eggs. rule of the thumb is 1 egg per 1 pancake and 2 pancakes per serving, so if you're cooking for 2, use 4 eggs. easy. add everything that i listed, but if you miss the sugar or the raisins, those can be added after you cook it.

once you have cooked the scrambled eggs, put it on a plate and wash your pan if you don't have another one/don't want to use another one. mix two remaining eggs in a bowl.

put the scrambled eggs with raisins (or whatever you decided to put in there) in your pancakes and roll them as tightly as you can manage. heat up your pan and put some butter on it.

CAREFULLY dip the ends of the pancakes in the mixed eggs and transfer them to the pan with butter. it may be easier to put them on the pan first and pour a little bit of the egg over the ends then, so if you're not sure you can dip them without the entire filling falling out suddenly, do that instead.

fry the pancakes on both sides until the egg is no longer in liquid form.

now, the serving:

pour a ladle of soup into a soup plate

put a piece of your meat in there too if it hasn't disintegrated completely and just started floating around in pieces

put two pancakes in the soup

now you can eat this thing. smacznego :)

I would also like to thank @slavicafire for posting weird old recipes sometimes and inspiring me to take the time to write all of this out :^)

[sgt-seabass]

Hey Ambs!

Drabble request!

Being Dark Daddy Lloyd’s good little puppy…

𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒅 𝒔𝒊𝒅𝒆

✧˚ · . 𝘓𝘭𝘰𝘺𝘥 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘶𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘺.

pairing — lloyd hansen x puppy!reader w/c — 1.9k (i thought this would be under 1k. i was wrong) this is a dark fic. 18+ only. warnings — puppy!reader, dark mean lloyd (but that's canon so lol), implied smut, butt plug tail, puppy ears, collar, lead, referenced kidnapping, referenced stokholm syndrome, pet play, referenced punishment, violence and murder (not towards lloyd or reader), kinda victim blaming if you squint but it's just lloyd being a dick on purpose cause he wants a reason to punish his pet. a/n — you know me too well lmao. okay this was seriously meant to be a drabble but now it's almost 2k whoops. i guess pet play just does that too me. i hope you enjoy and i did lloyd justice! not beta read, all mistakes and shit are mine.

Sometimes life kicks you while you’re down.

Or sometimes, you just get kidnapped by Lloyd Hansen for the world’s biggest fuck you.

The various televisions on the mansion wall do little to interest you. It’s just another operation, one of many that Lloyd runs from his secluded safehouse. It wasn’t home. Nothing was cosy about the intricate and obnoxious crown moulding or various paintings scattered about.

It was all a façade, much like Lloyd himself.

He put on the act that he was better than everyone else, that his skills and intelligence made him superior, but that was all bullshit.

At the end of the day, he was just as desperate for love and attention as much as the next person.

Lloyd had taken you the same day he’d sighted you working at your aunt’s café. You weren’t sure what he saw in you, but it was clear he had some interest by the way he fucked you in the car before you even got back to his safehouse.

He was ravenous. If he didn’t have his job, you had no doubt he’d spend every minute of the day fucking you over every surface.

Giving up your life was hard. Becoming Lloyd’s puppy was harder.

He didn’t want a partner; he wanted a pet. A doting little thing to follow him around. And while that wasn’t you at first, the punishments Lloyd would hand out made sure you became it quickly.

At this stage, Lloyd’s contractors had seen you humiliated, suspended naked or spanked raw. Lloyd loved to string you up and leave you to be a nice addition to the paintings in the room.

But what he loved most was you sitting at his feet. Being on your knees so much had hurt at first, but you’d grown used to it.

So, that’s where you sat. By Lloyd’s chair while he stood with a glass of scotch, intently watching the screens and yelling out orders to the various agents for hire in the room. You didn’t know who they were hunting, and you didn’t care. It was the least of your problems.

Your eyes fluttered tiredly, fatigue causing your lids to feel heavy. Lloyd had fucked your ass the night before, leaving you with a lack of sleep. No position was comfortable with the biting, stinging sensation left behind by him. In your kneeling position, you could still feel the slow seep of his cum from your tight hole.

It leaked around the tail butt plug Lloyd had put in this morning. The grey fur of the puppy tail matched your ears that were secured with a headband. Around your neck was a matching grey collar with little black crystal embellishments.

Lloyd never was one for colour. He dressed you in cute attire, but always with a muted colour palette. As if you were his gothic puppy.

You covered your mouth as you yawned, your tummy grumbling. You sighed, glancing around the room. There were snacks on the back table, but you couldn’t get to them. Lloyd had tied your lead to his chair, so you couldn’t get far.

Not that you could run anyway. Having to crawl everywhere had caused the muscles in your legs to become so weak you doubted you could stand for very long.

Plus, there was a part of you that liked this life.

It was a simple existence. Please Lloyd. Please daddy. That’s all you had to worry about.

You looked behind you and through the large window panes. It was cloudy outside, with dark clouds threatening to rain on the mansion grounds. You could smell the moisture in the air, a damp smell that brought you ease.

The world was full of darkness. People worked until they died, searching for some sense of accomplishment they’d never find. Unless you were privileged, money would be an endless struggle, and you’d likely never truly be happy.

But here, there was none of that. You were treated like a cherished pet, as Lloyd loved you in his own way. Anything you wanted, he would give you, in return for your undying loyalty.

It was admittedly nice.

Lloyd fucked you better than you could have ever deemed possible, bringing endless pleasure. He wasn’t a selfish lover. He had a sense of pride in making his puppy fall apart.

You smiled to yourself. Stockholm Syndrome or not, was it so bad if you felt happy?

Another garbled sound came from your stomach, and you sighed.

You should have eaten more for breakfast, but you were distracted by the soreness in your ass. But now you were regretting it.

A soft whine left you at the sight of the plated fruit behind you. Lloyd was fully engrossed in the screens, not even turning back to look at you. You crawled on all fours towards the platter, tail swishing behind you, only getting about halfway when your lead went taut.

It wasn’t long enough by a long shot. You looked back to Lloyd, who seemed royally pissed off about something going wrong. Yeah, not the appropriate time to ask for food. He’d probably spank your ass raw for stress relief, and you were in enough discomfort as it is.

One of Lloyd’s hired men, Brayden, walked past you to the table, and you turned to return to your spot by Lloyd’s seat. A tug on your lead caught your attention, and you looked back to see Brayden squatting at your level. You looked at him like he’d gone insane because he surely had. Lloyd would kill him for interacting with you. He didn’t take well to anyone else playing with his things. The last time someone talked to you, they lost an eye.

You looked from where Brayden held your lead, to the piece of pear in his hand, to his smiling face. Your mouth dropped open in shock. No, bad idea. Really, really bad idea.

He held out the piece of fruit, and you looked at it like it was a bomb. Because it was just as dangerous. You shook your head, unable to speak in case it caught Lloyd’s attention.

“C’mon, you’re hungry,” Brayden whispered before he moved forward, putting the piece of pear into your mouth as he held your lead so you had no escape.

He may have pitied you, but he was just as bad as Lloyd. He put you in a position you didn’t want to be in.

The sweet twang of the pear set your senses alight, and you closed your mouth to hide the food before scurrying back to Lloyd’s chair.

You did your best to chew quietly, but then Brayden signed his death warrant.

He patted your head as he passed you back to his seat, the ruffling sound of your headband causing enough sound to catch Lloyd’s attention.

“Did you just fucking touch her?” Lloyd’s voice suddenly boomed, and you squeaked and flinched from how it reverberated throughout the room. “Did you just touch my fucking pet?”

Brayden froze, trying to play it cool with a shrug. “She was trying to get some fruit, but she couldn’t reach, so I gave it to her.”

Lloyd was fuming before, but now he was irate. His pupils dilated as he took it all in, nostrils flaring. “You fucking touched my puppy. And fed her? What, you think I can’t take care of her? Think you can do a better job than me, huh?”

You wanted to hide away, so you did. You curled yourself around the back of his chair, watching as Lloyd stormed over to Brayden.

The whole room had become motionless, the clack of fingers against keyboards stopping as Lloyd towered over the smaller brunette.

“Look, she was hungry. I didn’t mean anything by it, just wanted to—”

Anything more Brayden wanted to say was cut off by the crack of Lloyd’s fist against his cheek. You gasped at the sight of Brayden’s broken nose, blood pouring to the floor. “How fucking dare you touch her!”

There was another punch. And another… And another. You were forced to watch the morbid show as Lloyd went feral, gripping the man by the collar and letting his fist go wild. Brayden never had a chance to even fight back.

The taste of the pear had turned sour, and you spat out the remnants onto the floor. You wanted nothing to do with this.

“She’s mine, do you hear me? Nobody but me touches her.” Lloyd’s point seemed to fall on deaf ears as Brayden’s head lolled to the side, only held up by Lloyd’s fingers in his shirt.

Brayden’s body hit the floor with a crunch when Lloyd let him go, a soft groan coming from the male. You felt a little bad for him. But he played with fire and got burnt.

If you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes.

And Brayden’s stupid prize for touching you was a bullet to the head.

You covered your ears when you saw Lloyd pull out his handgun and closed your eyes when the first shot rang out. It wasn’t until four shots later that Lloyd had stopped, but you couldn’t bring yourself to look at the gore.

There was a beat of silence before you felt hands clasp over yours, gently pulling your palms away from your ears. “Sorry puppy, didn’t mean to scare you,” Lloyd’s voice called to you, much softer now. “Did he hurt you?”

Your eyes opened and met the deep blues of your captor. There was a lot of anger blazing in his orbs, but also concern. You shook your head, your voice failing you.

“Good. I would have killed him a second time if he did,” Lloyd gave a grin, and you forced a small smile, trying to appease him. Lloyd seemed relieved you weren’t harmed, but now he knew you were okay, his voice turned a baritone deeper. He loved looking for a way to punish you. “But he did touch you.”

This time you nodded. “On… On my head…” You mumbled, feeling small and feeble in front of Lloyd. Blood splattered his polo shirt and slacks, the metallic smell filling your nose.

“And you let him.” Lloyd’s eyes darkened a fraction. It wasn’t just Brayden he was mad with.

“I’m— I’m sorry…” You blurted out, clinging to the chair.

“You should have asked me if you were hungry. Now you’re dirty. Like a used slut.”

“You were busy and mad, and I didn’t want to interrupt your work and—” Lloyd cut off your rambling with a finger to your lips before he picked you up, so you were straddling his waist.

“Silly puppy. Couldn’t wait for food, so you whored yourself to get it from my workers, huh?” Lloyd sniped, and your blood ran cold. He carried you past Brayden’s dead, desecrated body and towards the master ensuite as you began to shake in his grip.

“We’ll get you washed of him, and then I think my pet needs a little attitude adjustment. You’ll think twice about letting someone else near you after I’ve tried out my new paddle, won’t you, sunshine?”

Lloyd had showed you the paddle when it arrived in the mail. Black leather with a cut out at the end in the shape of a puppy paw so it would leave an imprint on your body. Tears quickly bubbled in your vision, the fear taking over. Lloyd always rewarded you with pleasure after the pain, but you still had to get through the demoralising punishment first. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

“I don’t want excuses, puppy.” Lloyd placed you on the bathroom counter, fingers wrapping around your throat and bringing your face close to his. “You think that little ass is sore now? You just wait until I’m done with you. Maybe I’ll fuck that puppy cunt, so your holes match, both red raw and stretched from my cock.”

To be updated on when I post please follow @sgt-seabass-library and turn on post notifications.

[ifishouldvanish]

I think that part of my issue with the whole olrox and mizrak think is that olrox is babied so much that anything mizrak(or even ricter) do that might show a different part of his character is deemed criminal.

The show goes out of its way to tell us that olrox is selfish and has done thing that while maybe justified(I don’t really count Julia’s death as something justified) are still wrong, and all people can talk about is how much of a twink he is(he really isn’t)

While I think fandom is clearly partial to Olrox, I don't think he's 'babied' or (probably showing my age here) 'woobified'. I think in the context of a show about vampires that is using vampirism as a metaphor for imperialism and colonialism--a character who is vocally anti-colonialist and who literally and unapologetically "eats the rich" is just fun to rally behind. The fact that he's also kinda snarky and lbr, really hot, just makes him destined to be fandom catnip.

I don't agree that the show goes out of the way to show that he is selfish though? He hides his motives and isn't above violence as a form of justice, but as this post points out, it's understandable why he would believe that he wouldn't have gotten justice otherwise.

I think there are interpretations that he spends the season 'playing both sides', that he accepts Erzsebet's invitation to "hear her out" in good faith, and that he's content to sit back and watch as things play out until the last minute-- but that is not one that I share. I think he's seen this shit happen so many times, seen indigenous people try to accommodate and ally with colonizers only to get shafted so many times, that he's learned he's better off operating in a more behind the scenes capacity where he can drop a hint here or a comment there to get in the respective parties' heads and sway the outcomes from a distance.

He seems to enjoy getting a rise out of Mizrak by poking holes in his arguments, but I wouldn't consider that selfish, manipulative, or mocking so much as a way of testing the waters of where exactly his loyalties lie.

We get the accusation that he turned his late lover into a vampire without his consent, but we really don't get any confirmation of whether or not that's true, what the circumstances were, etc. Just that whatever happened, it's something he's extremely tetchy about.

Something that confounds me about that scene though is that Olrox seems to be telling Mizrak about his lost lover for the first time, yet Mizrak absolutely does not hesitate to level that accusation at him. And maybe it's just sloppy dialogue or whatever, but it makes me wonder if A.) this is something Olrox alluded to off-screen at some point (imo just sloppy writing) B.) Mizrak has some kind of intel on Olrox we do not know about (from Erzsebet, perhaps?) or C.) Mizrak is straight up just making assumptions based on what he knows/the church has told him about vampires (which just feels most probable to me, idk).

That Olrox's knee-jerk response is to provide a justification rather than a denial is still very telling though. My read is that he did turn him and that the consent probably was a little dubious. My totally speculative headcanon based on pure vibes is that his lover got mortally wounded in battle and that Olrox turned him in a fit of desperation to save him. Which would arguably be a selfish act--but selfish in a tragically human gothic romance sort of way and not like... a cold, calculating, 'only looking out for number one' sort of way.

I think the most cruelty we see from him is in the way he taunts Richter, but given the whole colonialism theme running throughout the show I think it's more about what Richter represents in his eyes: the heir to a legacy of fighting 'monsters' where the definition of monster is written by people in power. That, "She had to die. I could kill you too, and I will one day," is less a direct threat and more of a prophecy; a statement on the inevitability that what happened in one generation will happen again in the next.

But ahsjsksk i haven't seen anyone call him a twink though that's 🥴🥴🥴 words have meanings y'all

[icarus-suraki]

for the weird asks: 4, 29, 46

Weird asks! Ask me things!

4 which cryptid being do you believe in? I'm pretty skeptical about cryptids in general. I'm very much in the "I want to believe" camp. I like thinking about them, theorizing about them, reading about them, watching low-quality filmed-on-a-potato videos of them, all of that. The Fresno Nightcrawlers have a special place in my heart. But it's always in the back of my mind that there's a logical explanation for whatever someone has seen or claims to have seen, though sometimes the logical explanations are equally weird. It might really have been ball lighting.

All that said, I'd like to believe in Bigfoot. There are so many stories from Native and First Nations communities about beings that sound an awful lot like popular culture's Bigfoot. And given that white people (like me) have a terrible track record of actually listening to Native people when they've explained things (the moai of Easter Island did walk to their places; Squirrel really did teach people about maple sap; the landscape of Australia really was different long ago and people really did preserve that memory) maybe there's something to the really old Bigfoot or Sasquatch stories. I know the stories have gotten all mixed up with European wildman stories and American folklore. Maybe the oldest Bigfoot story is a recollection of an extinct bear, but there's something in there.

Also extraterrestrials. Not that I think they've come to Earth or anything but, to borrow from Carl Sagan, otherwise it seems like an awful waste of space.

29 how do you like your shower water? Hot. Very hot. Extremely hot. Scalding. Boiling. Could make good tea in a cup of it. Just a few degrees below the temperature of lava.

But I like the air outside the shower to be cool (or even cold) because I don't want to overheat the minute I get out of the shower. So I'll open the windows in winter or turn the AC down in summer. Maybe that's weird, but it's also how I like to sleep: cozy under blankets but breathing cold air.

But yeah, mmmmm, hot water~

46 favorite holiday film? YOU WANT ME TO SAY THE CROW, DON'T YOU? Well, that's certainly a favorite holiday film. Gotta watch that on October 30th since that's when the main events in the film happen. But this low budget New Zealand-made Christmas movie called Nearly No Christmas that I saw as a small child is also very near and dear to my heart (any whoever gave it two stars, please turn on your location; I just want to talk). It's kind of about…the problems of capitalism and the benefits of cooperation? Also overthrowing monarchies.

And I love the MST3k episode Santa Claus, which is a slightly bizarre Mexican-made kids' movie dubbed into English. (I like Santa Claus Conquers the Martians too, of course, but Lupita's aggressive cuteness, Merlin's inexplicable presence, the wind-up reindeer, and all the international kids making toys are just too odd. Love it.)

Also Home Alone (the original and still the best) is always fun, even if it is a white suburban revenge story. It's a great movie, don't @ me, but it's still a white suburban revenge story. It's a bit like Hot Fuzz in that all of it's good but the payoff at the end is great.

Never been a huge fan of Nightmare Before Christmas. People have assumed that about me before, which I get, but I'm just not a fan? I'll sing along with "This Is Halloween" and have a good time with it but, eh.

There are a number of movies that I associate with holidays that aren't strictly related to said holiday. I mean, I have a litany of horror and gothic movies that I love for Halloween--like The Crow, sure, but also Crimson Peak, The VVitch, Dario Argento's giallo masterpieces, Ghostbusters (1 and 2 but more 1 than 2; or is that set at Halloween? I can't remember), Dracula (1992), Interview with the Vampire (1994), The Craft, Hereditary, A Tale of Two Sisters (which I can't find anywhere anymore, pieeeen), The Exorcist, Hellraiser (my beloved), weird shit like Beyond the Black Rainbow, non-supernatural horror (or "thriller") like The House That Jack Built or I Saw the Devil, German Expressionism but mostly just The Cabinet of Doctor Caligari, Asian Extreme/J-horror like Oldboy or Suicide Club or World of Kanako… I'm down to watch The Blood on Satan's Claw and The Wicker Man (1973) even though those two are set in spring. Don't care, didn't ask, bring me a snack. (I legitimately have a subscription to Shudder, which is an all-horror, all-giallo streaming service and it's pretty good so I can glut myself there. It's not all gold but what streaming service is? But they're the ones who helped fund Skinamarink, so they do know what they're about.)

Honestly, a lot of what's in the top three tiers of this iceberg is or could be a Halloween Favorite (and maybe a couple in the fourth tier if I'm feeling more like a sicko).

You know I tried to watch that Hallmark Christmas Prince or A Princess for Christmas or whatever it was when it was being talked about a bit and I found it so tedious and so uninteresting that I never got more than a half hour into it (if that).

[barb-l]

Ohh! You might be right about Wednesday wearing dark blue in Fam Values but I swear I can only recall her bathing suit, one Morticia dress and Debbie's fits at the moment haha. I'm gonna probably rewatch both movies before Halloween though. Wbu? Are u planning any spooky movie marathon maybe? Also oof I'm so sorry abt your experience with the school for g00d and and evil. I haven't seen it.. yet(?).. but I read the book ages ago and um yeah. 😐😑😒

GOSH THANK U SO MUCH for posting your draft, you made my night!! Like I'm sitting here with a huge, dumb smile on my face cause it's so sweet and wholesome! Enid knew she was gonna miss Wednesday even before parting for the summer so she gave her her number but didn't have much hope she would even keep it. But Wednesday did keep it and bought a phone so just she could text her because she missed her too! OH BE STILL MY HEART 😳 That's also what Enid must have told herself after receiving that msg and realizing that ''Wednesday Addams actually missed me'' 😳

That bit about Enid thinking of Wesnesday and her smile? I SWOONED

And how Wednesday keeps making HER smile effortlessly with just being her weird as shit gothic ass self? The one Enid grew to LO- LIKE so much? OH MY HEART

This is such a fantastic draft you have here and I'm so grateful and honored you shared it with us. 💛 I'm no way asking or bugging you to finish it before the show drops cause I understand you prefer to post canon compliant content. All I'm gonna say is if inspiration strikes and you find your head full of ideas for this fic don't let anything stop you from writing it. You're genuinely amazing in expressing yourself in both writing and drawing so sometimes you can have a little non-canon stuff too as a treat 😄 I for one am gonna love love love it either way among many others. Of course it's up to you and only you, like I said I understood your reasoning perfectly. It's just.. this is waaaay to good to be scrapped. Really. Alright I will shut up now. Thanks again 💛

Ah not really. Whatever time i have when im not working, id rather spend drawing either for fun or my commissions. Although i do love creepy and macabre stuff, im not a big fan of horror movies. A lot of them are more about either shocking viewers and being as gorey and torture porn-y as possible, which isn't really my thing. Tho there are some horror movies out there i quite liked, I prefer to watch compilation videos of ghosts caught on camera and stuff if im in the mood for something spooky.

The SGE movie's pretty good for someone like me who hasn't read the books. My brother and I actually had tons of fun until all the confusing qb(and the whole thing with Rafal and Sophie. Barf). Like, if the filmmakers knew Agatha and Sophie were sisters then why have them kiss on the lips?? Unless they plan on retconning that since i hear that was only revealed at a later book...

Omg thank you! Ive mentioned it before but I'm not as confident with my writing as i am with my art, so compliments regarding my fics are always super appreciated. I'll consider continuing to write it, if there's still more i can squeeze out of me.

[multifandoms27-blog]

hello!! i saw that u did ur very first matchup n it was so sweet, may i request one too for jujutsu kaisen?

pronouns, age, preference, physical description: they/she, 18, male preference, i have an athletic build (used to compete in martial arts tournaments) that's on the meatier side bc i'm a big eater, i have short hair and dress masculine for the most part.

personality: i’m assertive and love taking the lead in just about anything! i enjoy teaching people and used to be an assistant teacher for a summer pre-school and was an assistant teacher in a taekwondo class for around two years!! i’m not quiet but it takes time for me to share personal stuff, i love conversing tho, and i love making decisions on the spot. i’m dead serious about building a career (and tend to overwork) and too ambitious for my own good which gives off the impression that i'm cold but i'm actually pretty clingy and love receiving cuddles and kisses. i often show love through gift-giving and physical touch!! but i value good conversations a lot too!!

interests: business and law (am a business major in uni n wanna be a lawyer someday hshsh), literature (especially: sci-fi, classics, gothic horror, and magical realism.), animal documentaries (i love animals i have three cats!!), colognes.

hobbies: writing, reading, cooking, and organizing stuff hshsh.

ty so much for doing matchups, pls take ur time!!

Aww, thank you anon! And yes, ofc!! These are fun >:3

Also, real quick, we are so similar wtf? Hello, fellow martial artist and law/literature/animal enjoyer ❤️❤️ (me and my boyfriend have three weiner dogs)

Anyways, I match you with...! *drum roll*

❥Nanami Kento!

YOU TWO ARE SUCH A CUTE COUPLE

He's also an overworker, so he'll tend to realize if you get too overwhelmed or stressed with something

Will always help you before he helps himself tbh

Will interchangably use she and they to refer to you, he knows people with she/they or he/they don't have their 'they/them' option used a lot (I might be projecting here lol) so he'll make an effort to use it to make you feel seen and heard

He likes that you're so serious about a career, especially in the field of business

When you two first met, he was one of many who thought you were cold, which ironically drew him to you

He doesn't need another Gojo in his life

It'd be such a slow burn, too, you both slowly uncovering things about the other and falling in love

I feel like Nanami is pretty indifferent to physical touch at first, but over time he comes to feel like he needs it. He also will show his love through gift giving and also words of affirmation

He's really really good with words, so conversations would be satisfying with him

I think Nanami would be indifferent to animals, really. It's not that he doesn't care about them, he'd gladly help an animal in need. He just doesn't want animals that aren't pets in his house (i.e. raccoons, possums, wild mice, etc.)

If you want a cat or a dog or ferret or whatever, then that's fine. You wanna rescue and foster animals? Absolutely, go for it

I actually headcanon that Nanami's favorite pet is a ferret, just cause I said so (he also seems like the type of man to like ferrets idk)

Nanami is also an avid book reader, so he'll likely recommend you some books, and some evenings he'd be content with some of your cooking (or his, or just takeout would be fine), a glass of wine for each of you, and both of you quietly reading your respective books

If a movie came out about a book you both read, he doesn't care if it's shit, he'll buy tickets for the two of you as a date night

He also loves organization, like you! He likes color coding stuff, or organizing his outfits for the week every Saturday night

All of his papers are in neat piles, his kitchen cabinets are all neatly put away, his spices are even easy to reach/put back in their spots, and he has a system and specific day for cleaning (sunday)

Making choices on the spot is his specialty, and he greatly appreciates that you do the same. It saves a lot of time, unlike "indecisive Gojo" as he lovingly says

He wants to read anything you write. Unless it's personal stuff you haven't told him yet, or if you don't feel like it's good enough to show him, he'll simply respect your boundaries and give you a soft forehead kiss

Mans goes crazy giving you forehead kisses btw, he loves it

Since he also knows martial arts, he'd want to spar with you a bit, just as some sort of bonding experience/workout

Obviously he'd go easy on you, you're his love. But if Gojo found you two and interrupted, he's going to beat the shit out of that annoying albino (I promise I don't abuse Gojo, I say as every time I mention him in another character's thing, I'm always writing him being ignored or beaten)

All in all, you two are the adorable power couple that comes to deeply understand each other with time, that everybody wants to be <3

[thebibliosphere]

So I'm currently unemployed because I got fired for taking too much sick leave (it was legally sketchy blah blah blah but in the end I just can't work and take care of myself and investigate my mystery health problems at the same time). So I've been spending more time writing!

I really admire your writing and loved Hunger Pangs. I'm looking forward to the poly elements developing and I'm wondering if you have any advice for writing about poly. I've made one of my projects a snarky take on "write what you know" ... Apparently what I know is southern gothic meets Pacific northwest gothic, chronic illness pandemic surrealism, and falling back-asswards into threesomes.

I know this is a very open-ended question and I don't expect an answer, I'm just curious about it if you have the energy. As a writer, trying to write honestly / realistically about polyamory/enm, I'm curious if you have any thoughts on what's different about portraying monogamy or nonmonogamy in books, romance or erotica or otherwise.

I'm trying to read examples but it's hard to find examples that fit the niche I'm looking at. Excuse me if this question is nonsense, it's the cluster headaches.

I'm sorry to hear you've been dealing with all that and solidarity on the cluster headaches. But I'm glad you're finding an outlet through writing! And I hope you're happy with an open-ended ramble in response because oh boy, there's a lot I could talk about and I could probably do a better job of answering this sort of thing with more specific questions, but let's see where we end up.

There's definitely a big difference between writing polyamory/ENM (ethical non-monogamy) and what people often expect from monogamous love stories.

Just even from a purely sales and marketing standpoint, the moment you write anything polyamorous (or even just straight up LGBTQIA+ without the ENM) you're going to get considered closer to being erotica/obscene than hetero romances. It's an unfair bias, but it's one that exists in our society. But also the Amazon algorithm and their shitty, shitty human censors. Especially the ones that work the weekends. (Talking to you, Carlos 🖕.)

So not only do you start out hyper-aware that you're writing something that is highly stigmatized or fetishized (at least I'm hyper-aware) but that you are also writing for a niche market that is starving for positive content because the content that exists is either limited, not what they want, or is problematic in some fashion i.e. highly stigmatized or fetishy. And even then, the wants, desires, and expectations of the community you're writing for are complex and wildly varied and hard to fit into an easy formula.

When writing monogamous love stories, there is a set expectation that’s really hard to fuck up once you know it. X person meets Y. Attraction happens, followed by some sort of minor conflict/resolution. Other plot may happen. A greater catalyst involving personal growth for both parties (hopefully) happens. Follow the equation to its ultimate resolution and achieve Happily Ever After. 

But writing ENM is... a lot more difficult, if only because of the pure scope of possibilities. You could try to follow the same equation and shove three (or more) people into it, but it rarely works well. Usually because if you’re doing it right, you won’t have enough room in a single character arc to allow for enough growth, and if ENM requires anything in abundance, it’s room to grow.

And this post is huge so I’m going to put the rest under a cut :)

There's also a common refrain in certain online polyam/ENM circles that triads and throuples are overrepresented in media and they may be right to some extent. Personally, I believe the issue isn't that triads and throuples are overrepresented, but that there is such minuscule positive rep of ethical non-monogamy in general, that the few tiny instances we have of triads in media make it seem like it's "everywhere" when in actuality, it's still quite rare and the media we do have often veers into Unicorn Hunter fetish porn. Which is its own problematic thing. And just to be clear, I’m not including this part to dissuade you from writing "falling back-asswards into threesomes." If anything, I need more of it and would hook it directly into my brain if I could. I'm just throwing it out there into the void in the hope that someone will take the thought and run with it, lol.

I’d love to see more polyfidelitous rep in fiction, just as much as I’d like to see more relationship anarchy too. More diversity in fiction is always good.

Another thing that differs in writing ENM romance vs conventional monogamy is the feeling like you need to justify yourself. There's a lot of pressure to be as healthy and non-problematic as possible because you are being held to a higher standard of criticism. Both from people from without the ENM communities, and from the people within. Granted, some people don't give a shit and just want to read some fantastic porn (valid) but there are those who will cheerfully read Fifty Shades of Bullshit and call it "spicy" and "romantic," then turn around and call the most tooth-rottingly-sweet-fluff about a queer platonic polycule heresy. That's just the way the world works.

(Pro-tip for author life in general: never read your own reviews; that way madness lies. I glimpsed one the other day that tagged Hunger Pangs as “ethical cheating” and just about had an aneurism.)

And while that feeling of needing to justify yourself comes from a valid place of being excluded from the table of socially accepted norms, it can also be to the detriment of both the story and the subject matter at hand. I've seen some authors bend so far over backward to avoid being problematic in their portrayal of ENM, they end up being problematic for entirely different reasons. Usually because they give such a skewed, rose-tinted perspective of how things work, it ends up coming off as well... a bit culty and obnoxious tbh.

“Look how enlightened we are, freed from the trappings of monogamy and jealousy! We’re all so honest and perfect and happy!”

Yeah, uhu, sure Jan. Except here’s the thing, not all jealousy is bad. How you act on it can be, but jealousy itself is an important tool in the junk drawer that is the range of human emotion. It can clue us in to when we’re feeling sad or neglected, which in turn means we should figure out why we’re feeling those things. Sometimes it’s because brains are just like that and anxiety is a thing. Other times it’s because our needs are actually being neglected and we are in an unhealthy situation we need to remedy. You gotta put the work in to figure it out. Which is the same as any style of relationship, whether it’s mono, polyam or whatever flavor of ENM you subscribe to* And sometimes you just gotta be messy, because that’s how humans are. Being afraid to show that mess makes it a dishonest portrayal, and it also robs you of some great cannon fodder for character development.

Which brings me in a roundabout way to my current pet peeve in how certain writers take monogamous ideals and apply them to ENM, sometimes without even realizing it. The “Find the Right Person and Settle Down” trope.

Often, in this case, ENM or polyamory is treated as a phase. Something you mature out of with age or until you meet “The One(tm).” This is, of course, an attempt to follow the mono style formula expected in most romances. And while it might appeal to many readers, it’s uh, actually quite insulting. 

To give an example, I am currently seeing this a lot in the Witcher fandom. 

Fanon Netflix!Jaskier is everyone's favorite ethical slut until he meets Geralt then woops, wouldn’t you know, he just needed to find The One(tm). Suddenly, all his other sexual and romantic exploits or attractions mean nothing to him. Let's watch as he throws away a core aspect of his personality in favor of a man. 

Yeah... that sure showed those societal norms... 

If I were being generous, I’d say it’s a poor attempt at showing New Relationship Euphoria and how wrapped up people can become in new relationships. But honestly, it’s monogamous bias eking its way in to validate how special and unique the relationship is. Because sometimes people really can’t think of any other way to show how important and valid a relationship is without defining it in terms of exclusivity. Which is a fundamental misunderstanding of how ENM works for a lot of people and invalidates a lot of loving, serious and long-term relationships.

This is not to say that some polyam/poly-leaning people can't be happy in monogamous relationships! I am! (I consider myself ambiamorous. I'm happy with either monogamy or polyamory, it really just depends on the relationship(s) I’m in.) But I also don't regard my relationship with a mono partner as "settling down" or "growing up." It's just a choice I made to be with a person I love, and it's a valid one. Just like choosing to never close yourself off to multiple relationships is valid. And I wish more people realized that, or rather, I wish the people writing these things knew that :P

Anyway, I think I’ve rambled enough. I hope this collection of incoherent thoughts actually makes some sense and might be useful. 

----

*A good resource book that doesn't pull any punches in this regard is Polysecure by Jessica Fern. It's a wonderfully insightful read that explores the messier side of consensual non-monogamy, especially with how it can be affected by trauma or inter-relationship conflicts. But it also shows how to take better steps toward healthy, ethical non-monogamy (a far better job than More Than Two**) and conflict resolution, making it a valuable resource both for someone who is a part of this relationship style***, but also for writers on the outside looking in who might have a very simple or misguided idea of what conflict within polyam/ENM relationships might look like, vs traditional monogamous ones.

** The author of More Than Two has been accused of multiple accounts of abuse within the polyamorous community, with many of his coauthors having spoken out about the gaslighting and emotional and psychological damage they experienced while in a relationship with him. A lot of their stories are documented here: https://www.itrippedonthepolystair.com/ (warning: it is not light material and deals with issues of abuse, gaslighting, and a whole other plethora of Yikes.) While some people still find More Than Two helpful reading, there are now, thankfully, much, much better resources out there.

*** Some people consider polyam/ENM to be part of their identity or orientation, while others view it as a relationship style.It largely depends on the individual. 

[sebastianshaw]

I know everyone here is SICK of my Duggan hate but-- It strikes me, he really just CAN’T write complex characters? I’ve noted many times over how he’s dedicatedly stripped Shaw of anything likeable or human not only the present, but actively retconned events to make him a 2D sack of evil (and frankly, inept evil) in the past as well. But he also goes out of his way to do the reverse for Emma, retconning that she’s ACTUALLY been a good person All Along even when she was at her most evil (so. . . what about her neverending journey to be a better person then, if she always was?) and actually Always Helped Other Women (which is like. . .pretty laughable to anyone who has read her past issues) to fit his ‘feminist’ theme. And there’s also, as many others have noted, how the secondary cast is just. .  .bereft of character, or likewise one-not. Bobby, Pyro, Shinobi, and Bishop can go for ISSUES without speaking, and when they do, it’s like. . .one line. They show the bare minimum of personality most of the time, and while sometimes Duggan can hit a home run (Shinobi’s remark about how he and his dad have done well in not trying to kill each other so far) a lot of it is just. . . why are they there? No, really. They don’t really do anything, and the “plots” he gives them are typically underwhelming and resolved in one issue.  Pyro, as @sammysdewysensitiveeyes has noted, hasn’t been demonized into a total strawman like Shaw, but he’s also really not at all recognizable as Pyro either. His character is entirely a one-note buffoon who is there for stupid comic relief, and there’s zero discussion about his past prior to coming back---his time with the Brotherhood, his battle with the Legacy Virus, the changes he underwent as a person when he was at death’s door, or even the stuff before that as a wartime journalist in Southeast Asia. None of that is there, there’s just this chaotic frat boy joke that Duggan pretty much entirely made up; he only even acknowledges Pyro is a Gothic Romance novelist after 20 issues, and even then it’s to make him look like a joke some more. Like Shaw, he’s just got one dimension now. Duggan seems to WANT to talk about abuse, specifically at the hands of men, which both Christian and Shinobi have experienced, as both were abused by their fathers. But he never, ever brings that up. Instead, he retroactively invents that Shaw abused Lourdes, and tacks on an abusive backstory to a female villain. I don’t think he thinks men can be abused? Or just. . .doesn’t care. His male characters are the ones who suffer most from flatness and having to be inept, evil, or both while the Cool Women Do Things, and I guess he, like lots of men, thinks that’s what Feminism (TM) is, just he’s not whining about it and is performing it instead. Speaking of that female villain, Wilhemina is a nasty evil sadistic little girl who not only happily kills/hurts people, she also kills and tortures animals, especially kittens. And you know what? I bet in the hands of a skilled writer, she very much COULD be made sympathetic and understandable. But what Duggan does is he just takes her and literally in ONE SCENE is like “oh she understands it was wrong now and is SUPER SORRY see she’s CRYING and also she did it because she was SEXUALLY ABUSED” and bam, we’re supposed to feel for her. There’s no buildup, no exploration, just a sudden explanation and remorse and that’s. . . .it?  Compare MANON AND MAXIME whom I’ve written about before. They’re two children who were traumatized, abused, exploited, and made to hurt others by their abuser, which they seemed to enjoy doing. Now that they’re free and living on Krakoa, they do still exhibit unacceptable behavior at times, sometimes out of vengeance, sometimes in self-defense gone too far, and sometimes out of a desire to help and please others but lacking the tools to understand boundaries and appropriateness and respect for other’s autonomy. They’re a very unsettling blend of being sweet, childlike children, too eager to please adults, and little gremlins who seem to take joy in messing with people’s minds---or who just don’t understand when it’s wrong even when they mean well. Unsettling, and realistic. Psychic powers aside, I find the twins to be much closer to real-world victims of abuse, especially children, in that they’re NOT “good victims” or “bad victims”. They’re not the “abuse makes you evil” trope, but they still have fucked-up behavior so they’re not the “little abused angel who just sobs beautifully but whose symptoms are all sympathetic uwu” either, which is just as rare and as damaging a stereotype in its own way because it holds that up as how survivors of abuse “should” be. And, as said, that’s rarely it. Most survivors come out of abuse with behaviors that AREN’T sympathetic but DID help them survive, and they ARE NOT BAD PEOPLE FOR IT. This shit is complicated. Then there’s Wilhemina, who starts out as just a monster (even though, realistically, if a child is hurting animals, they probably DO need help) and then the moment her tragic backstory is revealed, she also recognizes and regrets all her wrongdoings. She jumps from one extreme to the other in the space of a few panels, but remains totally one-dimensional either way. And of course, Lourdes. We didn’t see to much of her personality BEFORE Duggan got ahold of her, but in her two issues pre-retcon, she showed a surprising amount of depth and moral ambiguity. She was a member of the Hellfire Club and high enough in its ranks to try to prevent Shaw from being nominated as Black Bishop, claiming she’d seen how it changed people. She clearly had seen some shit and despises it, yet she remained within it. She also seemed content with the idea of Shaw and Buckman experimenting on mutants as guinea pigs, her concern was more doing it on the X-Men specifically and that Buckman would betray Shaw. And she had far more agency when she chose to give her life to save Shaw’s, than Duggan’s version that needed Emma to tell her what to do. Duggan’s Lourdes is a brainless doll who talks like a little girl and needs Emma to handle everything for her, despite it largely not making sense that she would, given her own resources. She’s more morally pure, perhaps, but also one-dimensional. Only room for ONE Woman With Agency here, honey! TL;DR Duggan really can’t write characters that are more than one or two notes, and it shows. 

[that-random-chaos-entity]

How does your OC display love? What are some habits your OC has picked up?

Forgive me as this is a LONG post, but I felt it would be better to show, rather than tell, this one:

Words could not describe how awkward Perturabo felt being back in the Emperor's palace. It would have been bad enough if it were just his deadbeat father, a half-rotten corpse sitting in an overglorified golden life-support casket, ignoring him as per usual. But it wasn't just his father; so many of his brothers had come for this... ...this Sanguinala... ...in many ways it almost felt like the Heresy had never happened.

Vulcan, Corvus, Fulgrim, ROGAL FUCKING DORN, Magnus.... ...hell, even SANGUINIUS had come back from the dead. Raised by the same mysterious chaos entity that had turned Perturabo's world and soul inside out. Made him live his own life over and over again, through the eyes of the people around him, until he got the point. The people he impacted. The people he used, abused, and destroyed without a second thought. The people he...

...Perturabo shook his head, the physical action somehow dislodging the poisonous psychic tumor from his soul. Even though that parasite was long gone and the Eye of Terror no longer loomed over him, it had been feeding on his twisted spirit for so long that its blasted and withered hide still bled for it. Casting his self-destructive thoughts into the warp. This was a good thing (or so the Lanky Llama said). Though sometimes, when he started to brood and sulk, things would get... ...gummed up. He could shake any errant clots loose himself, but nobody helped the darkness bleed out of him like Nehetari.

And holy shit did he wish she were here right now. When she and her robotic people were around... ...the Lord of Iron actually felt like... ...himself. Or the version of himself that he wanted to be, anyway.

But no, "No xenos allowed at a family gathering," the Emperor had said. Not that it even would have mattered if they were; it was one of those weird weeks where the lanky llama disappeared on him and holed up in her room by herself. Something about a "Necrontyr biological cycle," that would, "likely make her act inappropriately," or "embarrass herself and him," but she would say no more on the matter.

Of course it would happen over the day when he needed--erm could have used her presence the most.

"Aren't you going to open your gifts, brother?"

Perturabo snapped out of his brooding to see Magnus looming beside him. It took him a second to process what he said, but when he did he scowled.

"Gifts Magnus? Really? Do think anyone here would ever give me a gift?"

"Excuse me! What am I, grox manure!?" there was no real irritation in Magnus's voice. He gestured to table in front of Perturabo, where three gifts sat that he could have SWORN were not there before. "And if you must know, you're the only brother here I saw fit to even GET a gift for."

"Aside from Sanguinius."

"Well... ...yeah..." the Crimson King shuffled his wings awkwardly. Both primarchs stole a glance at the MOUNTAIN of gifts that their brother had received. "...b-but he doesn't count."

Perturabo sighed. He didn't feel like feeling jealous of Sanguinius right now. Instead he grabbed the first package; it was obviously Magnus's gift. Whatever was in it was so warp-touched that it levitated a solid three feet off the table and changed size randomly. It turned out to be a small inter-dimensional rift that contained a book of arcane engineering, one that Perturabo had surprisingly not seen before. He thanked his brother; something that drew a surprised look from Magnus and a complimentary hug that Turbo awkwardly returned. The second gift was from Sanguinius, as it turned out, and when he opened the box he saw his own face, reflected in a simple yet elegant mirror. After a moment of wondering if this gift was actually meant for Fulgrim (clone fulgrim), he saw the inscription on the box lid which read, "to my big brother: it brings me joy to see happiness in your eyes now. I hope with this you can see it too."

Perturabo swore under his breath and slammed the box shut, furiously hoping that Magnus hadn't heard him sniffle just a tiny little bit. It was a moving gift to be sure, but after everything that had happened... ...somehow it just made the Lord of Iron feel like garbage. Well... ...more so than usual.

Thankfully, quick-thinking Magnus directed his brother's attention to the third gift. In fact, if he didn't know better, Perturabo would have sworn Magnus seemed even MORE excited for him to open this gift than his own.

"What is... ...is this from...?"

"MHMMM!" Magnus's enthusiasm was all-consuming, his grin audible in his tone. "She asked me come and pick it up from outside her door earlier this morning."

Perturabo's melancholy dissipated into a wave of curiosity. What sat before him was a perfect cube of blackstone, though if he knew anything about Nehetari, he knew that wasn't all there was to it.

Sure enough, when he picked it up, glyphs flashed along its side.

"Is... ...that..."

"Necrontyr," Perturabo murmured in deep concentration. "...and not just any form of Necrontyr; this is Ksakhemet Script."

"What?"

"Think of it as our high gothic. Except it's as if we had a high, HIGH gothic. Only the three Necrontyr kings and their families even knew how to speak this script, let alone how to read and write it. It is ancient, according to Nehetari... ...it's from a time even before the Necrontyr first started their galactic expansion."

Those statements alone were like a different language to Magnus, but his lust for ancient knowledge ignited like a blazing inferno. He would absolutely have to grill both Perturabo AND his xenos companion for more information once she was.... ...*ahem* no longer indesposed.

Perturabo turned the cube over and over in his hands, reading the ornate lettering as best he could. He'd only just started learning how to read Ksakhemet; he couldn't speak it properly because he lacked the extensive Necrontyr vocal range, but the lettering started to make sense the more he plied his fantastic mind.

"It is... ...a puzzle cube. I believe."

"D'AAWWW... How sweet...!"

Perturabo punched his brother in the shoulder, but it phased through his immaterial form.

"Shut your mouth!" He could already feel the heat creeping up his neck and he HATED it. Although he had to admit he was a little touched, if amused, that Nehetari had put together such a... ...thought-out gift.

And well-thought-out it was indeed! It became clear to the Lord of Iron that this wasn't just some slide and lock, physics based puzzle toy for mortal children. It was a custom-made testing tool designed to challenge his understanding of spacial compression, sub-atomic energy transfer, and even Necrontyr cultural theory. Each segment was challenging, unique, and soon he found himself absorbed. Magnus tagged along for the ride of course, and his respect for Nehetari grew each time he heard his brother growl in frustration, or give a small "...Ha! So that's it..."

"She has... ...quite the impressive mind. Especially for a xenos."

Perturabo grunted his affirmation. "...you don't know the half of it. She makes the Hrud look like a bunch of children." With a click the puzzle changed shape in his hands again, "...I would even say she has a mind similar to ours."

"...you don't say..."

"Hmph, she's DEFINITELY smarter than Dorn. I know that for sure."

Magnus chuckled. Of course she was.

The Lord of Iron didn't realize it immediately, but the puzzle cube was meant to serve another function, not just being an intriguing mental exercise. The more he fidgeted with it, the more time passed. Not by some technomantic power or magical means; he was just so absorbed in Nehetari's gift that he didn't notice his brothers packing up their gifts and starting to drift around and away from the throne room. Magnus, realizing he wouldn't be much help with this exercise, had taken notice of the custodes' Captain General (the one they call "kitten") and had begun to chat with him. Sanguinius was now at the Emperor's side, trying to pacify an impatient and belligerent Angron who just wanted to go celebrate Khornnuka with Lotara and Kharn. Corvus had dissapeared to... ...somewhere, and Vulkan was... ....had he somehow jackknifed himself into the psychic fireplace that the Emperor created!? Russ was laughing at him and drinking himself stupid (not that he had many IQ points to lose in the first place), but thankfully nobody was paying any attention to Turbo. Huh, who'd have thought; Perturabo was actually HAPPY that he was being ignored right now.

With a satisfying ding the cube shifted again, and to his surprise, glyphs flashed indicating that this was, in fact, the final challenge.

"Let's have it then. I'm ready..." the Lord of Iron grinned. He flicked the raised pad below the text and the final task scrolled across blackstone. Surprisingly, this time it was in High Gothic.

"...who is... ...my... ...favorite... ...human?"

He stared at the screen, dumbfounded. "Really? After all that, the last puzzle, is 'who's my favorite human?' Really?"

But wait... ...was the answer actually as easy as it appeared? Perturabo wanted to put his own name, but what if he was wrong? What if he wasn't her favorite human? He was hardly even "human" in the first place. Maybe she meant a true, normal human? But if this was supposed to be a present for him, why would she blatantly make him answer that her favorite human WASN'T him. What if...

"Hey nerd, the answer's obviously you."

Perturabo jumped to see Leman Russ passing him.

"What the-! Whe-how did you... ...you can't read!" Perturabo stammered. There was no way Leman just waltzed over here...

The Wolf Lord grinned, "Hey, ye nerds aren't the only ones who know how teh learn things. If I taught meself teh read Fenrisian runes, I can teach meself teh read some wolfin' High Gothic!"

"..."

"...that and I may or may not have used some of meh own psychic powers to read yer mind. You know, teh fill in teh blanks."

Considerably less impressed, Perturabo grumbled as he keyed the letters of his name into the cube. With another ding and a flash of green light, previously invisible cracks along the cube's surface began to glow and the cube began to shift one last time. When it finished, a tiny black tray was left in its place, revealing... ...a letter? And a pict?

"What's all this now?" Leman reached towards the tray.

Perturabo snatched it away, "Fuck off Russ! This is MY gift!"

"Oooh, is this from yer GIRLFRIEND!?"

"SHE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!!"

"Hey fuck you Leman!" Oh boy, here comes Magnus, "Like you could ever understand the subtlety and genius that went into that puzzle box! Let him enjoy his gift in peace!"

"LeT HiM eNjOy HiS gIfT iN pEaCe!" Leman crooned. "Shut her trap and go back teh yer boyfriend, yeh big red canary."

Magnus puffed up in outrage and looked about ready to turn Leman inside out. When Perturabo noticed Sanguinius inbound, no doubt to dissolve the impending battle, he took his chance to dip out. And by "dip out" I mean grab the tray and its contents, and duck under the table. It would hide him for all of a second, but that would be as long as it would take him to read the letter.

Or it would have, if Leman hadn't, SOMEHOW, been able to reach the tray before him. He snatched up the letter, practically from between Perturabo's fingers, and with utter horror the Lord of Iron watched as his brother brandished the page, cleared his throat, and began to read:

"Perturabo..."

"FUCK YOU LEMAN THAT'S NOT YOURS!!" Magnus howled. Perturabo roared in fury. Both brothers made a mad lunge at the Wolf Lord but he dodged, shit-eating grin on his face as he continued reading.

"...Perturabo,

I'm sorry, but I...."

"....failed you?"

At the mention of the word "failed", Perturabo's onslaught faltered, as did Magnus's. Leman's grin died on his lips as he read the next line, his eyes widening for a moment before they squeezed shut. He then passed the letter back to Perturabo, mumbled a barely audible apology, turned, and without a word walked off.

"That's not what I... ...uh... ...expected?" Magnus muttered. "He looked like a kicked pup. What did that letter..."

Perturabo clutched the paper looking the most feral Magnus had ever seen him.

"...you know what, never mind. That letter's meant for you anyway." He added quickly. "I'll be in the library if you need me, brother."

And just like that, Perturabo was alone. Well, mostly; the Emperor was still there, but he was oddly quiet. Sanguinius was watching him too, but from a discreet distance.

The Lord of Iron backed up into the corner of the room, still riled up but looking a little less crazy. Once he was satisfied that NOBODY ELSE would attempt to confiscate his stuff, he finally began to read what Nehetari wrote for him.

"Perturabo,

I am sorry, but I failed you. You said you wanted your brothers' appreciation for a Sanguinala gift, but of all the ones I interviewed asking for an appreciative memory they have of you, the only ones who gave me a response were your brothers Magnus and Sanguinius. So instead I instigated a situation to make one (please reference the included image). If your brother's expressions are to be believed, then I believe they all enjoyed attacking your snow bunker. I certainly enjoyed helping you defend it.

May you have a somber and pleasant celebration,

The Mehlrose,

Nehetari of the Szarekhan Dynasty.

Heir to the Silent Throne."

...Perturabo couldn't believe it.

He's asked for that as a JOKE. He hadn't actually been serious. When she's approached him, asking what he wanted as a "Sanguinala gift," he'd been in the middle of a complicated programming script and had said that just to get the point across that he didn't want to be bothered.

Slowly, and with a shaking hand, he lifted the pict from the tray and turned it over.

And she was right. This shot must have been taken by one of her tunneling scarabs. Or maybe one of her guard as they were circling the perimeter, hurling snow and distracting Russ. But however it was taken, somehow it was able to get a perfect shot of every primarch, including himself and Nehetari, hurling fucking snow or getting completely dunked on, but every single one of them had varying degrees of stupid fucking grin on their faces. Even Corvus was smiling!

It struck him: had that been her plan all along?

Minutes passed, and finally the Emperor himself spoke up. "My son, you're shaking like a Dark Elder nightclub on a Tuesday."

Perturabo didn't hear him. It took everything he had just to hold the pict in his trembling hands.

Why? Why. Why would she bother. How did she... ...why, why, why WHY? HOW!? When did she even have the TIME to plan this out!? There was no way. And not for him. Why? Why for him? And ALL OF THEM. How could she have known they would ALL come?

"Brother, are you ok?"

Perturabo snapped out of the loop to see the Angel standing beside him with a hand on his shoulder. He hadn't realized just how loudly his two hearts had been thundering, how BADLY his whole body had been shaking, until he felt that steadying touch. Instinctively he tried to regain control over his mind and body, and stowed the pict away in his belt.

Sanguinius asked no questions; he simply nodded.

"I'm going to find her..." Perturabo's voice sounded like sandpaper. He could feel the tears rolling down his neck, but he ignored them. "...I don't care if she FUCKING KILLS me; I am going to find her. She has no right.... ...she had no right to... ...to..."

"...go ahead brother." Sanguinius's smile was warm with understanding.

Salvaging what little dignity he felt he had left, Perturabo straightened up, turned on his heel, and walked shakily out of the throne room. He disappeared into the darkness, leaving his father and his brothers to stare after him in wonder.

(Sorry this is such a long post, but I started writing it and just went to town. I wanted to SHOW, rather than just tell, the kinds of things Nehetari does for the individuals that are important to her)

@gracia-regina @ask-a-scheming-sorcerer @luwupercal

[legionofpotatoes]

we decided to watch all story cutscenes from the new resident evil village videogame on a whim, since it’s not really our cup of tea gameplay-wise but seems to be this massive zeitgeist moment that made us morbidly curious. And I know how much everyone cares about my thoughts on things I know very little about, so. let’s get into it huh gamers. and yeah spoilers?

for context, I’ve only played resident evil 4 and a small portion of 5. I also read the wikipedia entry for 7’s plot recently. all this to say I was only vaguely aware of how tonally wacky the series was going in

I also completely gave up following the plot of the mutagens’ soap opera, so that paid off in spades here as you might imagine

anyway so that baby in the intro. that baby’s head is just massive. humongous toddlerdome. when ethan finds the baby’s head in a jar later on. there is no way that head would fit into that jar. bad game design. no not even game design. basic stuff. one hundred years in prison for jar modeler

if I see a single functional hetero marriage in video games I will cry tears of joy. I understand their misery is kind of The Point irt them badly working through the hillbilly romp trauma but like. sheesh. at least set that up as an emotional story goal the plot will help resolve. but nope they start off miserable and it goes nowhere

I know I know the mia thing has a huge wrinkle in it but like. not really in terms of dramatic function?? set up a happy end to the re7 nightmare (miranda can keep up appearances for all she cares) and then take that all away from angry griffin mcelroy for manpain. it will still absolutely work to set up the dramatic forward momentum. why throw in this cliche Hollywood Tension in their marriage if you’re not going to address it oh maybe because it’s normalized as automatically interesting because nuclear families are a self-propagating pit of a very narrow chance at emotional happiness relying on social stigma to preserve their empty function oops my baggage slipped in yikes abort mission

I called him griffin mcelroy because I saw his face on twitter and. yeah. I will continue to do this occasionally. my house my rules

... fuck the reason I’m hung up on this is specifically because the rest of the game is so tonally dexterous (which is a shining point to me! more on that later!), and yet they felt weirdly compelled to create the aesthetic trapping of a family-at-odds trope without following it through too well. a sign of both the good and the bad stuff to come

but listen the real reason why I wanted to talk about any of this is to nitpick the fascinating backwards-engineered nucleus of the entire thing; in that this game essentially creates a melting pot of just SO many disparate horror tropes and then makes a no-holds-barred unhinged effort at weaving thick lore to piece them all together. it is truly a sight to behold. like straight up you got your backwoods fright night situation, your gothic castle vampires, your rural-industrial werewolves, and don’t forget your bloated swamp monsters over there, with then a hard left turn into robotic body horror, and the entire ass subgenre of Creepy Doll writ large, and the bloodborne tentacle monsters, and a hellboy angel bossfight, which rides on the coattails of a mech-on-mech pacific rim bonanza, and just jesus henry christ slow down

almost all of these are textural hijack jobs that don’t really get into the metaphor plain of any of those settings but the game sort-of makes an argument that the texture IS the point and revels in it. It is kind of admirable almost. The same reason why the intro felt boxed in and unmotivated is also why the rest of the game just blasts off of its hinges to the point of complete and self-indulgent tonal abandon. I kinda loved that about it. lady dimitrescu made sure to hold her hat down as she bent forward in mahogany doorways and then suddenly she’s a giant gore dragon and you settle in your temp role as dark souls man with Gun to take her ass down. Excellent??

this rhino rampage impulse to gobble up every horror aesthetic known to man comes to head when the game wrestles with its FPS trappings in what is the most hilarious solution in creating visceral player damage moments. Since most cinematics and the entire game is in first person, that leaves precious little real estate for the devs to work with if they really want to sell griffin’s physical crucible. To wit. This dude’s forearms. Specifically just the forearms. They are MASSACRED throughout the story. The poor man lives out the silent hill dimension of a hand model. by the end cutscene he looks like a neatly dressed desk clerk who had decided to stick both his grabbers into garbage disposal grinders just a few hours prior. like in addition to everything else it manages to rope in that tinge of slapstick violence into its general grievous genre collection except this time it IS for a lack of trying! truly incredible

but wait his miracle clawbacks from everything his poor paws go through are retroactively explained away, yes, but far too vaguely and far too late to console me as I sat and watched everyone’s favorite baby brother reattach an entirely severed hand to his wrist stump by just. placing it on there. and giving it a lil twist ‘n pop terminator-style. and then willing his fingers back into motion right in front of my bulging eyes. this game just does not care. it does not give a shit. and boy howdy will it work to make that into one of its strongest suits

cause generally speaking resident evil was THE premiere vanilla zombie content destinaysh for like a decade, right? and as the rest of the world and mainstream media started encroaching and bloodying its blue ocean it went and just exploded in every single conceivable horror trope direction like a smilodon on catnip. truly, genuinely fascinating franchise moves

yeah the big vampire milf is hot. other news; grass... green. although I do love the implication that her closet is just identical white dresses on a rack. cartoon network-level queen shit

apropos of nothing I’ve said there’s also this hobo dante-devimaycry-magneto man, and I can’t believe this sentence makes sense. anyway he made that “boulder-punching asshole” joke referring to chris redfield and it was probably the only easter egg that really landed for me and boy did it land hard. I have not seen him punch the boulder in re5, mind. I had only heard about how funny it is from friends. and here this dude was, probably in the same exact mindset as me, trying to grapple with that insane mental image. with you on that ian mckellen, loud and clear

I advocate vehemently against the shallow pursuit of hyper photorealism in art direction but I gotta admit it works really in favor of immersive horror like this. the european village shacks especially gave me super unchill flashbacks to my rural countryside retreat in western georgia. I could smell the linoleum dude. not cool

faces are weird in this game. can’t place it. nice textures, good animation, but the modeling template is... uuh strange? and the hair. it has that clustered-flat-clumpy look that harkens to something very specific and unpleasant but I just don’t know what. sue me

griffin’s mental aptitude to take all this shit in stride and end every seemingly traumatizing bossfight involving some fucking eldritch being yet unseen through mortal eyes by essentially throwing out an MCU quip is just. What the fuck dude? I mean that was funny how you casually yelled the f-word at a god damn werewolf that you considered a fairy tale an hour ago but are you like, all right?? it was swinging a sledgehammer the size of a bus at you, ethan

oh oh the vampires are afraid of cold and your last name is winters. I get it haha

Pro Gamer Nitpick: boss fights seemed a bit unnecessarily long?? idk why the youtuber we picked decided the ENTIRE propeller man fight counted towards the vital story scenes he was stitching together, but man mr big daddy lite there really had some get up and go huh??

why are they saying dimitrescu.. like that. is it really how you say that word or is the english language relapsing into its fetish for ending every single word with a consonant at all costs

I’m not saying it’s a dramatic miss of a twist in context of all that’s going on, but the “you died in the last game actually and have been DC’s clayface ever since” revelation is low-key. it’s. it’s just funny to me, I dont know what to say. century-old god-witch fails her evil plan after she mistakenly removes heart from what was definitely NOT just some white guy with eight fingers after all

chris realizing he’s about to become the player character and immediately swapping out his tsundere trenchcoat for the muscletight sex haver sweater

the little bluetooth speaker-sized pipe bomb he taped to his knife was nuclear?? really??? I must have missed something because that is just too good. I buy it though I totally buy it. chris just got them fun-sized nukes in his car trunk for, you guessed it, Situations

anyway this is all for now just wanted to briefly touch on how unexpectedly funny and tonally irreverent this seemingly serious game turned out to be. did not articulate any cathartic story beats whatsoever but my god it had fun connecting those plot points. he just fucking put his severed hand back on his stump and it Just Worked todd howard get in here

[amphtaminedreams]

Paris Haute Couture Week S/S 2020 Plus a Little Jacquemus: Okay, Dior DID Suck (Part 1/2)

Hi to anyone reading,

Oh my god. I completely forgot there was also 2 haute couture weeks. I FEEL SO OVERWHELMED. Here I was getting all geared up for the F/W 2020 shows and suddenly it’s Jean Paul Gaultier’s last show and everybody’s (predictably) buzzing about the Jacquemus collection. I can’t keep up. But Haute Couture week is a lot less intense than the RTW shows so I suppose I should be enjoying this relative peace whilst I can. 

I remember my last post about Haute Couture week opened with me defending Maria Grazia from the wrath of the internet; if Jacquemus is social media’s Lord and Saviour, this woman is the Antichrist. She’s Michael Langdon minus the dramatic flair. But the thing is, I genuinely really liked the Dior collection last time. Maybe because I was newer to the discipline of scouring Vogue Runway, but the lack of originality didn’t bother me; it was still something I’d die to wear, gothic yet delicate and relevant for 2019. 

That being said, this time round, I have to open by doing the exact opposite and concurring: this time round, Dior was in fact, utter shit.

I feel mean saying it but...really? These were the slightly more salvageable outfits and my favourite of the bunch, and to be honest they don’t really capture the full extent of how outdated this collection was to me. I know that the concept behind the show was this idea of the divine feminine but Greek Goddess has been done SO many times. If you’re gonna go down that route, you have to bring something new, elevate it in some way. It can’t be THIS generic.

I can’t believe that in 2020 we’re really seeing plaited hairbands. The individual dresses are basic, but not so much the problem as the styling; they look like outfits I would’ve put together back in 2012. That’s not an exaggeration. I think even 2013 me would appreciate that you need to make things a little twisty. 

The colour scheme is pretty, don’t get me wrong, and I like the cowl necks-the white dresses are the highlights. I think the concept of this collection was conceived with all the best intentions. But as a designer you need to take risks and I don’t see one single risk here; there isn’t anything that wouldn’t already be sold in your local H&M. Dior is such an established brand, Maria Grazia has room to do whatever she wants. And yet it just comes across like she’s out of ideas. 

You’ve got to look at a designer like Ulyana Sergeenko:

When I say elevated (but still in the vein of wearable), I mean something like this. To be completely honest, I hadn’t heard of Ulyana Sergeenko until I saw shots of this show on Twitter. But what a perfect mix of kitsch and glamour. The influences are clear: Priscilla Presley, Barbie, Jackie O, Valley of the Dolls, the rich stay-at-home wife of the 60s, the Alessandra Rich/Scream Queens-esque sorority girl, Paris fucking Hilton. It’s exaggerated and it’s tongue in cheek with total grounds to call it trashy-there’s a corset resembling a Benjamin Franklin, ffs-but it’s all done with a wink and a nudge. And in all honesty, I just think it’s beautiful. Can you imagine Frances O’Sullivan (@Beautyspock on IG) in one of these looks? It would be worthy of the Rose McGowan cultural reset meme ten times over.

Everything is feline, from the very literal cat silhouettes and cat headed boa, to the makeup and the hair clips. It reminds me of the last RTW Ralph and Russo show but with even more attention to detail. And look at the STAGE. If this collection were a song, it’d be Disco Tits by Tove Lo. And no, I’m not just saying that because one of the dresses actually does feature a (cat shaped) disco tit. Like these are the clothes I dreamed of putting my Bratz dolls, and for null I’m sure, myself in. Absolute perfection. Plus, I’ve loved Coco Rocha since she was on The Face with Naomi Campbell; she is, after all, to thank for the iconic “check your lipstick before you come for me” line. Girl is really the martyr for all purple lipstick lovers, cut down in her prime by a pissed-off Naomi. 

Onto Alexandre Vauthier, which I also really liked. An interesting yet effortless blend of the old and the new, the masculine and the feminine, if I could sum this collection up in one word, it would be cool. I know, it’s not the most descriptive, but it pretty much sums up how I feel; I’m not AS gassed about it as I am about Ulyana Sergeenko or this season’s Elie Saab (wait for it), but it’s a fresh offering, even if the styles aren’t the most groundbreaking. Stand outs for me are the almost petticoat like, debutante dresses which have Elle Fanning’s name written all over them.

I was hard pressed to find favourites in the Armani Privé collection if I’m honest. I’m not saying it was awful, all I know is that it just isn’t my style. It’s all a bit TOO tailored for my liking, and kinda reminds me of the Zara pantsuits my Spanish teacher used to wear. In other words, I find it to be a bit dowdy. On a positive note, the colours, fabrics, and beading are all stunning, so I see that a lot of craftsmanship clearly went into it; I think my biggest issue is the styling and the shapes (or lack of) on show. I’m very much getting a 20s, flapper vibe and whilst that’s an era that fascinates me and that I appreciate was cutting-edge at the time, I’ve yet to see it be bought into the 21st century in a way that doesn’t look stiff or costume-y. 

Then there’s Azzaro. At the complete opposite end of the scale to Armani, it doesn’t look expensive, which I’m sure isn’t something any designer previewing their collection at haute couture week is striving for. BUT that being said, I’d be much more likely to wear something from this collection than I would from Armani Privé. I mean, I have no shot at ever wearing either but ya get me. 

Whilst I’m sure it or something similar has been done before, the mesh diamanté dress is exquisite and I’m a huge fan of the stacked gem chokers and belts. The whole collection looks like something a London socialite who parties by night but (deep breath in) plays in a shitty band so fancies herself a bit of a rockstar by day would wear (exhale) and as much as that doesn’t sound like a compliment, I mean it as one. I’m talking about the kind of person you’d see smoking outside a bar and think “I wish I was them but I am potato lol”. I mean, as far as faux fur and fedoras are concerned, I’m gonna find it hard to completely slate a collection so this is pretty up my alley.

Chanel was a huge step up from their last RTW collection, imo, and probably on par with their last haute couture offering. It’s that same blend of preppy Chanel detailing (i.e the exaggerated collars, the checks and the lace) and practicality, only even more austere this time round.

It’s funny because when I looked back on original notes on this collection, before I’d even done any research into the context, I saw that one of the things I’d written was “giving me Victorian orphanage madame” as well as “something something Amish” and I wasn’t THAT far off base. The collection is, after all, supposed to be a tribute to the nuns who raised Coco Chanel at the beginning of the century in an Abbey-cum-orphanage. This makes me really happy; I know not everyone’s a fan of Virginie Viard’s nods back to the past and the brand’s origins but as a history nerd, I definitely am. 

There’s also definitely a lot of things that can be translated into high street trends here: the combination of decorative white socks and black shoes is something I’ve seen making a comeback already, tulle is always a winner (I actually don’t mind it as an overlay, I think it’s pretty, sue me) and I have no doubt we’ll be seeing these dramatic collars creeping back onto tops and jumpers throughout the year. It’s been a while since they were a thing anyway and we all know how cyclical fashion is.

Another high note for Elie Saab this haute couture season; if I was an expressive person, I probably would’ve audibly gasped as I looked through this collection. It is SO FUCKING MAGNIFICENT. The colour scheme, the baroque prints, the floral sequinned embroidery, these are Cinderella style ballgowns taken to the next level. Elie Saab really is the definition of opulence and I’m not at all mad about it. Please, somebody put Lana Del Rey in one of these, PLEASE. Remind her how much of a princess she is and get her out of those “soccer mom” looks.

I’m so stuck between this collection and Ulyana Sergeenko as my favourite, and the latter might just pip the other to the post, purely because of the staging and extravagance of the presentation itself. 

Georges Hobeika was predictably phenomenal. Like, I’m not going to lie, I am easily won over by some sequins and tulle, I’ve never claimed any different, and if you can expect that from anyone, it’s this guy (ignore that phrasing making me sound like his proud mother). The colour scheme is very spring appropriate and so is the 3D flower detailing, and if there’s anything good to take from Ascot and English royal weddings, Georges Hobeika knows it’s the hats.

It was another strong year for Givenchy too:

Though Claire Waight Keller is also fond of the extravagant details along the lines of feather and tulle, it’s always done in a more organic way; the details are always more reminiscent of nature, something created by accident, than they are suggestive of painstaking attention to detail, the image of someone hunched over a dress beading for hours on end à la Georges Hobeika or Elie Saab. That is not a bad thing at all; if anything, it makes Givenchy more interesting to study and gives you more to think about. Sometimes a dress takes you a bit longer to fully appreciate, but I’d say that only lends to its memorability. This year’s willowy, billowing, and at times coral-esque structures  remind me of something I can see being worn down an Iris Van Herpen runway, set apart by that delicate Givenchy finesse. And side not: I know this post is to talk about the clothes, not the models, but I got super excited over seeing Sora Choi and Adut Akech walk too. 

Guo Pei is always fun to look at. I mean, this collection is giving me half Matryoshka dolls, half It’s A Small World Christmas edition and I can’t hate on that. 

And then there’s Iris Van Herpen, who knocked it out of the park once again. At this point, I wouldn’t expect anything less. Every outfit looks like something that could be exhibited in the Tate Modern (I know, it’s a basic opinion, but it’s true: TATE MODERN IS THE BEST MUSEUM IN LONDON), or honestly, the Design Museum, just for the genius that must go into the way these dresses move. Honestly, if I can see a goddess wearing anything, it’s more one of these looks than anything in the Dior collection. Like wife of Poseidon or something; I know it’s not very feminist of me to not know the Greek Goddess of the sea’s name but I only know who Poseidon is because I was a Percy Jackson fan back in the day so let me live.

It’s not like the whole under-the-sea theme is particularly new, Zimmerman did something similar last RTW (I think? Correct me if I’m wrong), but these constructions could’ve grown out of the sea bed themselves, which is more of an original take than “oo, blue and white and frothy hemlines!”. Additionally, we’ve got these dresses with the overlapping almost plaited fabric that are-we’re sticking with the goddess references here-fit for Persephone ruling over hell. As for the Grudge-looking dress (fourth down, far left), I could be reaching, but is anyone else seeing that as a nod to the oil spills polluting our oceans? Because that would just add yet another layer to this collection. 

Regardless, it’s all impeccable and I’m in love. Iris Van Herpen as a MET Gala theme. Make it happen.

Anyway, to end on a high note, that’s it for this post! 

Sorry it’s such a sudden cut-off but Jean Paul Gaultier was due to be my second to last to review and due to it being the final show, there’s an onslaught of photos that would not fit with what’s already in this post. Plus, I’d rather start a post with Jacquemus then end it as I feel like there’s a lot of hype around his collections online right now so 1). it’s clickbait (for what, I do not know, as I’m not exactly making any money off this blog, just losing my sanity as it transpires when Tumblr accidentally terminated it earlier today and I had a minor breakdown) and 2). this Steve Buscemi meme is the most accurate representation of only 21 year old me to grace the internet:

I will aim to post part 2/2 in the next week, including JPG, as I just mentioned, the Jacquemus co-ed show, Margiela, Valentino and more, and as always, thank you for anyone who read until the end! You are an angel:-)

Lauren x

[brkfstgrrrls]

@onlyhoped LEFT A NIGHTMARE AFTER THE TONE: 🥝🥝🥝🥝🥝

@thegothfiles - Tyler is one of the first writers I ever followed on tumblr, I know this because I followed him on my first blog, Alice’s blog, and we both happened to have heavy themes pertaining to My Chemical Romance on both of our blogs at the time, and both still do if you know where to look. Stumbling across their blog, aesthetics of my keen interests aside, I was completely mesmerized by their writing, their formatting. It gave me my first taste of what tumblr rp was like. Tyler has a multimuse blog which contains all original characters. Something I loved at first glance, and still adore whenever I check it out is that you can tell Tyler is a goth, and grew up on that shit in one way or another, another thing I can personally relate to. Not just cusa’ the aesthetics, but all of his muse faceclaims are related to the alt. subculture in some sort of way (Gerard Way, Frances Bean Cobain, Peter Steele, etc). While I could say Jessie is my favorite muse from his blog because he’s my oc Rosaliné’s canon husband, like most, my favorite has to be Jack. Take a chance, and dip your toes in. Tyler might not be on here 24/7, but whenever they’re online, it’s a thrill to have them back.

@killshope - I first followed Bastian back in 2019 on my oc blog for Rosaliné back before I first really got into Star Wars the way I am now. We didn’t get a chance to speak as much as I’d like up until recently, but I’m glad we got the chance to. We wrote a bit back when I had Rey on her indie, and I can confidently say that Bastian is the one Kylo blog I will continue to follow for years to come. When it comes to writing Kylo, she never leaves any details out. She’s thought of an explanation for just about everything, which isn’t an easy task when writing someone like Kylo Ren, a man who had fallen from grace. His character is complex, and every detail within her carrd will have you hooked and waiting for more.

@pistollips - OC blogs are just as important as canon, and arguably more interesting with all of the time it takes to create them from scratch! For a long time, I admire V’s blog from a distance, so shy to interact. Never before had I seen so many people be enamored by a female OC, and it makes sense why. Something about Atty as a muse screams Campy, or melodramatic, the most extreme version that one could be, and I adore it! She’s evil, and she knows it. Don’t like it? Whatever. Her graphics are always being updated to something so unique, it’s like the hook of an essay, and then you see the way V is able to spill the words out onto the keyboard, and write Atty’s most authentic self with each and every muse you throw at her, it’s astonishing. She’s always so much fun to write with, and there’s never a dull moment when she’s being posted to the dash. It’s high speed, and you better keep up before you get left in the dust.

@thecrypt​ - I always thought it was funny trying to talk about Alyssa to other people, because people either thought I was referring to myself, or I personally thought trying to say her name sounded funny, since we happen to share the same name. We both write in a small community here on tumblr, which consists of gothic/metal/horror based OCs. Alyssa & I first became mutuals way back when Jackie had her own blog poppin’ off, and the first muses we wrote together were Jackie Burkhart & Kenny Mccormick! They’re a pair that we still write about to this day, and their little ship dynamic may have you scratching your heads at first, but it is simply the best, I promise you. Alyssa writes a mix of canon muses, and those of her own creation. Her blog has a heavy theme of spookiness to it, so if that’s your thing, she is right up your alley and you’re missing out if you aren’t following her already. As far as her bios and writing goes, I’ve genuinely never seen someone put so much goddamn detail into each muse they write, I can’t imagine being so creative and working as hard as she does on everything she creates; I genuinely envy that about her. Do yourself a favor, and at the very minimum, check her blog out, you won’t be disappointed.

@sammyemerson - Have you guys ever heard that meme about underdeveloped canon characters, and it’s Fiona Goode from AHS talking and it says “I took the liberty of sprucing your boy up” and the guy sitting in the background is Kyle but his face is scribbled over with “underdeveloped canon muse” or some shit? That’s Edie’s blog. Yes, I know Sam Emerson isn’t a lowkey muse with underdeveloped details and that there are like... What? three lost boy movies, but I don’t care. In my eyes, Sam is Edie’s creation practically. She owns the boy, and she cares for him so very much. I’d known about Lost Boys before following her, but I’ve since learned so much from her blog alone. My favorite kind of writing blog is when someone is writing a niche muse you don’t see too often like Sam, and the writer just spends hours pouring new details into them, sharing ideas and headcanons. That’s what Edie does, and she welcomes you to her little world with open arms. She allows you to ask questions, and she genuinely wants to write with all who cross her path, and I love that about her! She’s a free spirit, and a true writer. You’ll fall in love with Sam after following her and reading her posts. She should be coming back to tumblr soon, so give her a follow for when she does! You’ll regret it if you don’t.

              ･ﾟﾟ･*:༅｡♡  SEND A 🥝 FOR A BLOG RECCOMENDATION

[voluptuarian]

Some thoughts on The Green Knight (spoilers ahead...)

Pros

The visuals were as beautiful as I expected-- rugged landscapes, beautifully worn set pieces, dramatic costumes which were just on the side of experimental/fantasy that I liked. Also casting got a selection of really interesting faces to carry a medieval aesthetic; Dev Patel in particular really suited the exaggerated kind of gothic aesthetic of rich colors and long vertical lines.

The soundtrack was a very pleasant surprise-- I had been expecting something sparse, maybe even ambient and was absolutely bowled over by the beautiful choral pieces and medieval carols. It’s a soundtrack I will definitely be checking out!

The acting is generally impeccable. I loved seeing Arthur and Guinevere as old, matured, and in Arthur’s case, clearly tired and weighed down by his experiences. Gawain’s character begins his story as spoiled and selfish, and yet (to Dev Patel’s credit) is still likable, and keeps the audience’s good will even after it becomes clear he could easily become, if not a villain, then at least a sad failure of a man far from his full potential.

Cons

Dialogue was hard to follow. I already reblogged a post about the title cards being hard to read-- all the actor’s have accents and the dialogue is antiquated and frequently riddle-like; on top of that delivery wanders into that A24 emotionally/physically-strained-mumble/whisper, so I was regularly working very hard understand dialogue while aware that it could be Very Important. (I had the same issues when I saw The VVitch so). I found myself regularly wishing for subtitles.

Also, like so many arty-natural-lighting-films, interiors and night scenes are often too dark. The worst was a point where Gawain is carousing in town and like. I was straining in the theater to make shit out. It was bad. Thankfully most of the time things are decently lit.

It wasn’t a fast paced film, but the slowness didn’t bother me? It wasn’t too drawn out (and this is coming from someone who couldn’t finish Bright Star because I was bored). It’s not heavy on action, or on romance (I saw some people expecting like full-on romance arcs and like, sorry, that’s not what this flick is about). It mostly focuses on just the experience of his journey and the internal and external challenges and temptations he encounters, and a lot of that journey is solitary. Even when he does encounter other characters, those encounters are usually brief.

The story (like the original) exists on some level as allegorical, and is somewhat surreal-- exacerbated by Gawain’s stumbling on mushrooms about halfway through-- but it’s not indecipherable. (I’ve seen people comparing it to the The Lighthouse, or saying it’s “completely bonkers” and that’s a huge exaggeration, and frankly makes me question what their exposure to weird film is if they think Green Knight was “bonkers”. Frankly same with people who thought it was super horny--like, there’s a sexual element but like, have you never watched anything truly horny before?). But the plot, and the way it’s told, is not linear, and there’s also a whole secondary level of small details and significant moments that will need multiple viewings to really take in. But the basic story isn’t hard to follow; my suggestion is to go in without real expectations regarding where the story’s going to go or how it’s going to get there, and just be open to where it takes you.

I enjoyed it; I think it will take time for me to determine how much-- and probably multiple viewings as well. I’m sure as hell still thinking about it though, and it’s been days since I saw it. Certainly, worth the price of a ticket at least.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #440

from a day or two ago.

Do you drink a lot of soda? I definitely do. :/ I'd lose weight so much easier if I could drop the habit. Are tomatoes the best food in the world? I don't like tomatoes unless they're very fresh and on a mayo and bacon sandwich. Have you seen The Blindside? I actually haven't. Do you have a favorite local pizza place? Not really. There's a place I like that isn't huge, but I don't have like, a serious passion for or loyalty to it. Would you date someone 10+ years older than you? Meh, I think ten years is my cut-off. Are you due for a haircut? For sure. >_< Are you dealing with any health-related problems right now? Yeah. Even with my APAP mask, because I apparently move it too much in my sleep, I'm struggling with my sleep apnea nightmares/terrors. Do your parents like the music you listen to? Most of it. Do your parents approve of your beliefs? Not all of them, no. How many different digital cameras have you owned in your life? How about cell phones? Cell phones, idk. I've had two "pro" cameras. Do you typically do your make up the same each time? Or do you like to change it up often? It's pretty much always the same. Who is the last person you were in a room with just the two of you? What were you doing? Mom. We worked together on my room. What do you usually order at Subway? Turkey, bacon, American cheese, pickles, banana peppers, and chipotle on I want to say Italian bread. How long is your mother’s hair? It's hard to say, because it's all poofy now versus wavy like before it had to be shaved off. Don't repeat it to her ever, but she has, uh... "old lady hair" now, ha ha. What is your favourite car brand? I don’t care. Whose chore is it to clean the bathrooms in your house? My mom does it. Pick your three favourite fruits. Strawberries, kiwi, and uhhh... apples. Or pineapple. Have you ever played Cards Against Humanity? Yeah. We used to play that a lot at Colleen's house on nights we had some drinks. Who were the last friends you went to hang out with? Oh jeez, idk. I haven't hung out with a friend in a long time. How many chairs are in the room you’re currently in? Zero. I'm in my bedroom. Are you bored right now? I'm bored almost every waking hour of my days. Have you ever seen a pelican in real life? I'm actually not sure. What’s important about April? My younger sister's birthday is in April. Is there anyone who hates you? Jason probably does. Would you consider adoption? Not for me personally. What’s the largest animal you’ve ever had as a pet? Our late boxer mix. Do you own any kind of helmet? No. Do you ever put fruit on your cereal? Noooo. How do you usually celebrate your favorite holiday? My younger sister comes over here and we open our presents with Mom, who also cooks a nice breakfast. We then go to my older sister's house for the day to watch the kids open presents from their extended family. I say "extended" because the kids obviously aren't going to wait for us to get there to open the majority of their gifts from their parents, ha ha. What’s a few facts about the last person that talked to you? She's from New York, has five kids, has survived cancer (one almost advanced to a fatal level) twice, she loves owls, and recently graduated with her bachelor's in social work (it's never too late, people). What would happen if you had a baby with the last person you kissed? We're both cisgender females. Where is the biggest scar on your body? It's probably where I had a cyst removal, which is in a spot I can't see. Would you date someone who was addicted to drugs? Absolutely not. I am NOT getting involved in that. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? I'd go to the gym sooner. Have you ever kissed anyone with a tattoo? Hmmm... I think Tyler actually may have had a The Legend of Zelda tattoo? I can't really remember. If not him, then no. Have you ever kissed someone you weren’t dating? No, but I've been kissed by someone I wasn't dating. Do you know anyone who drinks a lot? Yes. What were you afraid of the most when you were a kid? Being separated from/losing my mom. Do you like to make the first move? No. When was the last time you completely broke down? A few weeks ago when I was having a PTSD episode. Are you listening to any music? No; I'm watching Gab play Final Fantasy X. Is your hair long enough to put in a ponytail? No. Has someone ever told you they want to spend the rest of their life with you? Hm, it's funny, I don't see him anymore. Have you ever peed in the woods? No. Have you ever played Twister? Yeah, I liked playing it as a kid. Are you looking for a boyfriend//girlfriend? Not actively, no. I really don't need one right now. Out of all of your friends who have you gotten in the worst fight with? Of all friends I've EVER had, probably Colleen. Of the friends I still have, maybe Sara. What is the last microwaveable meal you had? I've been on a SERIOUS grilled chicken pesto kick lately. Mom buys these small Healthy Choice (or some brand like that) bowls that you put in the microwave and then pour the noodles and chicken into the sauce after and mix, and oh my GOOOOOOOOOOOD it is so good. What would you consider a talent of yours? Assuming the worst out of every imaginable situation. If Hogwarts was a real place and you were able to attend, what class do you think you’d excel at? According to those little quizzes I've taken, I lean mostly towards Hufflepuff, but with Gryffindor traits as well. Would you rather learn more about space or more about the ocean? Well, ideally, space, but I think learning much more about our ocean would be more beneficial to our planet and our prosperity on Earth. Do you have a mental illness? If yes, how have you learned to cope with it? If no, do you ever suspect you may have one? I have a lot. My bipolarity, OCD, and PTSD are *mostly* under control, but I most certainly still have trouble sometimes. My anxiety and AvPD are still rabid fucking hounds. My depression was well-managed not even that long ago, but life circumstances have it so it's been more aggressive than what was usual. Do you have a favorite character from The Avengers? I dunno, I like Loki ig. Thor is cool, too. It's been WAY too long since I've seen that movie. What type of cake would you like right now? Double chocolate cake sounds great rn. @_@ What was your dream job when you were a child? Are you going after that dream or not? Why? Paleontologist, and no, because I don't want to travel for work, and I could also never handle the heat during site excavations. Even though it may not work all the time, what usually helps make you feel better when you’re upset or down? Watching one of my comfort series on YouTube from channels I enjoy. Why do you personally take surveys? It's a method to just get all these thoughts out of my head and to vent when I need to without actually directly burdening someone with my problems. No one has to read 'em. It's purely for my benefit, and also to pass the time, which I have too much of. Are there any words that you can’t stand? Derogatory terms for certain groups of people. What are words that you love? Words like "serendipity," "bliss," joyous, bubbly words. I'm blanking on actual terms. If you had an endless supply of money for clothing only, what would you load your closet with? Ohhhh, lots of shit with studs and spikes. :') I've wanted a studded leather jacket since I was in middle school. Have never gotten one because of how pricey they are. :( I'd also get some KILLER boots and just obtain a more gothic wardrobe. I'd love corsets too if my body ever shrinks back to a point I'd be comfortable wearing well-made ones. What is your favorite type of cookie? Chocolate chip. What is your favorite type of candy? Strawberry Sour Punch Straws. What color would you like to paint your nails next? I don't paint my nails. Realistically, they probably won't be 'til my entirely hypothetical wedding, in which case they'll probably be black. What do you think is creepy that society accepts as normal? Urinals, alsdkfja;klwejr. Like I get men's bathrooms give the option of using a stall, but still... side-by-side urinals are so weird and a breach of privacy to me. What is the silliest secret about yourself that you sometimes feel the need to hide? That I enjoy forum RP. I tell NOBODY because I fear being judged and found as weird. Like seriously, in my "real" life, maybe two people know. What do you think is a good date other than dinner and a movie? I want a picnic date really bad kalj;dkl;jwe. Do you dread certain days of the week? If yes, what day/s and why? No. They're all very similar. Do you ever give money to homeless people? No, admittedly. Mom instead likes to sometimes offer them bottles of water or if she's really feeling generous, a cheap meal at like McDonald's or something. She doesn't like to hand out money because, well, we know what a vast majority of homeless people spend it on. Do you like to brag or are you modest? I get really uncomfortable bragging, so I try to be as modest as I can be. What your favourite thing to have on toast? I love giving it a light toast, then adding a thin layer of butter, cinnamon, and sugar. It's bomb. Do you know how to surf? Would you ever like to learn? No to either. If you eat oatmeal, do you have it plain or do you have certain toppings that you like to add to it? I love sprinkling some sugar in there. Would you prefer to spend time with your whole family all at once, or would you rather quality time with one family member at a time? Depends on what I feel up to, but I tend to enjoy family time as a group more. That way, I don't have TOO much pressure to be constantly social. I can just listen sometimes. What is the funniest or strangest thing you’ve ever heard somebody say in their sleep? I have no idea. I worry what people have heard ME say/scream in my sleep. Do you own a pair of slippers? Yeah, they're meerkat ones! :') Choose one: Butterfinger, Milky Way, Snickers: Absolutely a Milky Way. Who was the last person to comment you? My mom. I'm cool, I swear. How many arguments have you had with the last person you kissed? A lot over all these years, but I'd say that's normal when you've been friends since you were 8 and 10. Do you know anyone who has been arrested? Yes. What are you planning on doing after this? When I'm done taking this survey, I'll probably either go to bed or play a bit of WoW. Idk. Will you be up before 7 am tomorrow? I have my alarm set for 7, actually. Ever been the only one trying to fix a relationship? Mhmmmm. -_- What was the last bad thing that happened to your phone? The case that came with the phone got a big crack in it. Have you ever been with someone while they were throwing up? Absolutely not. I would start vomiting. I can't handle the sound or the act in general. Have you been to the beach this year? No; I haven't been in a long time, and I am noooot complaining. Have you ever skipped school just because you were tired? Yes. Are you tan? God no. Do you own any leather? No real leather, no. I never would. Have you ever bought a shot glass? No. Do you have a therapist? Yes. We actually just talked today. Well, technically yesterday. What’s the worst name your mom has ever called you? I don't know. She doesn't really call me bad names. Have you ever listened to Christian music? Not of my own volition, but I've heard it because of other people controlling the radio. Are you the ‘creative child’? Yes, I'm considered that one. Did you like your life when you were in middle school? God no. That's when everything started going downhill. Have you ever been 'popular’? No. Has someone ever tried to convert you? Yes. Are you a fan of muffins? I LOVE muffins. What’s your most recent obsession? It's kinda chilled out now, but when Resident Evil 8: Village released, I was CRAZY over it. I watched SO many different let's plays of it. I think it's safe to say it beats out RE4 as my favorite installment.

[catb-fics]

Love Bites (Part 3)

Warnings: yep, there’s smut / Word Count: 2.8k

Read from Part 1    Read Part 2

"Do you wanna know a secret Y/N?" Van says, his voice low.

The rational part of your brain is telling you that he's playing a silly prank on you, but a tiny part of your mind is actually considering the ridiculous notion that Van might actually be something otherworldly. But that's just absurd. This isn't 19th century Transylvania for gods sake.

You don't trust yourself to speak so just nod and whisper, "Uh-huh..."

"I'm not like other guys."

No shit.

"What... do you mean?" You're curious, but wondering whether you do really want to know. What if Van's some kind of crazed psychopath and you've willingly walked into his lair?

He looks torn between whether to tell you or not, his brow furrows slightly and he catches his bottom lip in his teeth. Fuck... those incisors really do look sharp. Is he showing them off for your benefit? Maybe he's trying to scare you? You're suddenly overcome with uneasiness. You stand up quickly, and your heavy wooden chair skitters backwards across the stone floor with a screeching noise. You're trying to remain calm but you're pretty sure you're radiating panic. You pretend to look at your watch, like you've just realised that you have somewhere else to be.

"I think it's about time I got going home, thanks ever so much for the dinner."

You're not quite sure how it happens as you don't actually see Van rise up out of his chair, he just sort of materialises in front of you in the blink of an eye, and as he does so he whirls you around so you're pressed into the table with him towering over you. It happens so quick your head spins with confusion and a sizeable portion of fear now. Something is definitely VERY different about Van. You can see a darkness swirling in his eyes as he gazes down on you but despite your discomfort you can't look away. It's like he's cast a spell on you and you're helpless, trapped there between his body and the hard, unrelenting surface of the table. His hands are resting on the edge of the table on either side of your hips, ensuring that you can't slip away. But in any case you're not sure if you'd be able to even if your escape route was wide open.

"What if I were to tell you that all those stories you heard growing up were true? All the monsters you heard about as a kid? The creatures that dwell in the night..."

Fear floods your whole body, sending uncontrollable shivers through you. You hear a strangled high-pitched sound and realise it's actually coming from you. Instantly Van's features soften, a glimmer of warmth returns to his eyes. He reaches a cool hand up to gently rest on the side of your face, his thumb softly stroking your cheek.

"You don't need to fear me," he says, but the tremors still wrack you despite his assurances. You're now sure that Van's invited you here under false pretences and he truly means to harm you.

"What... are you?" You stutter.

He pauses and you suck in a breath.

"I'm a vampire..."

You were wholly expecting this, but it doesn't make the confirmation any easier to digest. You feel like your blood has turned to ice in your veins. Images run through your head, all the gothic horror books you've read, all the blood-thirsty Dracula films you've watched.

"Do you... do you... kill people?" You utter, frightened to know the answer but compelled to ask.

Van sighs, and steps back slightly. He glances down, shaking his head slightly like he's about to impart some bad news. You know what he's going to say before the words have left his lips. Dread sinks heavily in your gut.

"Y/N I don't want to lie to you," he says, and his eyes scan your face as he speaks, gauging your reaction. "I've done... bad things, really bad things. I've had to survive. There aren't many of my kind left... but times have changed. Don't believe everything you see in the movies."

Despite your trepidation your inquisitivity gets the better of you. You've always been fascinated by vampire folklore. Van's stance is more relaxed now too and you feel a small amount of tension leave your body. You boost yourself up to perch on the table, your hands in your lap and your legs dangling below.

"Well... I can see you're curious. What do you want to know?" A small smile plays on his lips, his fangs concealed for now.

Numerous thoughts flit through your head, and you can't settle on one. There are so many things you want to know. As soon as you start speaking the words tumble out.

"Do you sleep in a coffin? And can you only go out at night? Oh... and do crucifixes and garlic hurt you? What about a stake through the heart?"

Amusement is clear on Van's face as his smile widens. "You have been watching too many movies!" He muses. "I sleep in a bed actually. Garlic and crosses have no effect. And although I don't like the sun it won't harm me. Although have you seen the colour of my skin? I burn like anybody else. And I don't sparkle in the sunlight. I'm not Edward Cullen."

He chuckles then, a low, soft sound.

"What about the stake?"

He raises his brows. "Why do you want to know? Did you bring one with you tonight?"

"Of course not!" You actually find yourself smiling.

That's until you see his fangs again protruding slightly as he laughs. The realisation then floods you about what vampires actually do and the icy tendrils of fear start to creep up your back again.

Van appears up have read your thoughts. "I don't mean you any harm Y/N."

He moves closer and you feel his hands on your knees. He eases your legs apart firmly, stepping into the space there until he's merely inches away, his hair falling forward on to his face, masking his eyes briefly before he sweeps it back. They're burning with fire and and ice again as he speaks.

"But I do mean to have you."

You're locked in his gaze again and he leans in closer and closer until he's so near you can feel his warm breath on your face. You dimly wonder whether he's hypnotising you somehow, but then maybe he doesn't need to. In spite of everything you want him so badly. Every fibre of your being seems attuned to him as his fingertips brush your thighs just below the hem of your skirt, lightly drawing patterns on your skin.

"You can have me..." The words just slip out and Van needs no further encouragement. Your mouths collide, the soft skin of his full lips urgently pressing into yours. Your tongues entwine and he tastes like the red wine you've both been drinking. The kiss is sensual and deep, and even though Van's pressed up right against you it's not close enough. You clutch at his shirt, pulling him closer.

Eventually you pull away, breathless, as you feel Van's cool fingers slide under the hem of your top. He begins to tug it up over your body and you let him, raising your arms so he can pull it over your head. He casts it down on the floor, letting his eyes roam across your half naked form. You feel self-conscious and start to raise your hands up to cover your breasts but Van stops you, taking your wrists firmly in his hands and pressing them to your sides.

"Don't cover yourself, you're beautiful," he tells you. "God I want you so bad..."

Even as the words escape him he's leaning in to you, his lips brushing your neck. He explores all over the skin there with kisses which start off feather-light but progressively get more passionate, his lips puckering against your skin, hard enough to leave bruises. It feels so good but you can't let yourself go, tensing every time his teeth graze your sensitive flesh.

"You need to relax Y/N, it'll be so much better for you if you relax," he breathes in your ear.

"You're telling me to relax when you want to drink my blood? I'm scared."

He pulls away on hearing your words and takes your hands, entwining his fingers through yours. "Don’t be scared.... Come on, I'm taking you up upstairs."

His movements are so fluid, so graceful, all of a sudden he's scooped you up off the table, holding you bridal style. You wrap your arms around the nape of his neck. "Keep your eyes on me," he says.

You're dimly aware you're moving as you see things flicking past your peripheral vision and the sensation is almost like floating. You do as instructed and keep your eyes on Van, marvelling as you come to a stop within moments and you take a look around to find you're in a large room somewhere else in the house. The room is empty apart from a grand four poster bed and Van carries you over, gently setting you down on the soft, white sheets.

You can't tear your eyes away from him as he stands over the bed, unbuttoning his shirt and letting it slip to the floor. The only light in the room is the moonlight filtering through the window and Van's pale skin looks almost luminous. You push yourself up on your elbows as he begins to unbuckle his belt.

"I'm frightened. Will it hurt? And what happens if you can't stop yourself?"

He pushes his jeans down and then he's just in his underwear as he climbs on to the bed. His movements seem feline as he crawls over to you, and it makes you think of a predator stalking its prey.

Is it possible his fangs have gotten longer? His lips are slightly drawn back as he looks at you, eyes pooling again with that darkness, but his voice is soft when he speaks.

"Y/N you're going to have to trust me. I'll try my hardest not to hurt you. I want this to be pleasurable for you too."

He reaches for the waistband of your skirt, easily locating the zip and you lift your hips off the bed slightly to allow him to pull it down with your underwear in one swift movement.

He moves until he's hovering over you on the bed, gazing down on you, his eyes moving hungrily over every inch of you.

"Mmm... I don't even know where to start with you..."

But he doesn't wonder for long. His head dips down to the base of your neck, kissing and licking all over, his hair tickling your skin. Then he gradually trails down, your nipples instantly stiffening under his touch as he takes each one in turn into his mouth. The feel of his teeth grazing your skin is a constant reminder of his hunger for you as he lavishes all his attention on your breasts until you're starting to squirm on the bed from the sensation, your hands raking through his hair.

Finally he raises his head, his voice low and seductive as he speaks. "Y/N... I need to taste you... I can't hold off any longer."

You're so aroused that every nerve in your body is bristling. You reach down and slip your fingers under the waistband of his boxers and start to tug them down. Getting intimate with a guy you've only just met isn't your style at all, but all your usual reservations have gone out the window with Van. You're so desperate to feel him inside you that you find yourself reaching down for his erection and guiding him to you, the groans of pleasure that escape him fuelling your need for him all the more.

He starts off gently, taking his time with you, easing into you gradually to allow you time to adjust to the feeling before he starts to move his hips slowly and precisely against yours. But suddenly, after a few thrusts into you he pauses, looming over you, breathing deeply, gazing down on you with an animalistic look about him, eyes blazing, teeth bared.

"Van... please don’t!” You utter, fear instantly flooding you, but it's too late.

He closes in on you with lightening speed and there's a feeling of intense pressure on your neck for an instant before your delicate skin yields to his fangs and a sharp shock of pain shoots through you. You cry out, your whole body going into spasm. But the pain is short-lived. It's soon replaced with a strange kind of euphoria that heightens all of your senses. It's almost like you can hear your own heart thudding in your chest whilst the blood's being drawn from your body. Every nerve receptor in your body seems to go into overdrive and the sensations you're feeling are amplified, the depth of Van's thrusts, the delicious sensation of his body moving against yours, creating friction where you need it the most. You can feel the pressure starting to build deep down inside and you push your hips up further to meet his, your bodies colliding in sync.

You gasp his name, clinging on to him, your nails digging into the flesh of his back as you pull him to you as close as you can. All the time his lips are feverishly pressed against your neck whilst he drinks from you, his breath ragged and hot whilst he pounds into you.

You're ascending to heights you've never reached before, your orgasm not just simmering between your thighs but radiating throughout your whole body and then it hits you. A crescendo so intense that your whole body convulses. You let out a moan, wrapping your legs around Van's waist as he bucks into you with all he's got. Suddenly he withdraws his fangs from your neck as he throws his head back, letting out a groan of pure pleasure as he spills into you a moment later. Then his body goes slack as he buries his head in the crook of your neck.

You're temporarily stunned, your body still quivering from the aftershocks. You blink a few times, but your vision is blurred, and when you try to move your limbs feel heavy.

"Van?" You whisper, wondering what happens now.

He finally stirs, raising up and to the side and propping himself up on an elbow, leaning over you closely. His eyes fix on yours and they're mesmerising still but for once you're not looking at them. You're staring at his mouth, or more precisely what's around it. There's so much blood, it's coating his lips and smeared across his chin and you watch, unsettled, as he licks it from his lips like he's savouring the taste.

Now you've come back down to earth you start to feel panic bubbling up in your gut as the reality of what's just happened hits you. You can feel droplets of blood trickling down your neck still and you shoot out a hand to press against your wounds but Van catches your hand.

"Allow me," he says, leaning into your neck again, and you feel his tongue warm against your skin as he licks up every last drop. "You're fucking delicious you know..."

What if he wants more? You smile uneasily, trying to push yourself up on your elbows but your head spins and you collapse back on to the bed, wrung out. “I don't feel so good," you groan.

A thought occurs to you that in your weakened state it wouldn't take long for Van to finish you off. There's absolutely nothing you could do about it. You'll just have to lie there and let him take what he wants from you. You suddenly feel so exhausted that you're struggling to keep your eyes open.

"Y/N? Y/N?" You can hear Van's voice but it sounds far away, and then his face swims into view as he leans closer. "You're weak, you need to rest," he says softly.

"Am I dying?" You say, feeling strangely detached from all that's around you.

You hear Van laugh, a soft chuckle as he reaches over to brush a lock of hair back off your face and then his hand lingers there, stroking your cheek tenderly.

"No love, of course not. Now sleep. I'll be here for you when you wake up. I'm not going anywhere."

So you fall asleep, dimly aware of his arms wrapped around you, holding you tight.

THE END 🧛‍♂️ 💕

Sorry the ending's a bit shit! May come back to this story one day (when I've finished off my million other unfinished stories!!)