#i put this in the discord too but ended up deleting it. i guess it can stay here though.

[masescart]

Doodling @linked-maze 's world and ravio but my pen started dying in the middle of clean sketching (and before i could do ravios face)

[emeraldblonde]

I tried to mod something and the good news is, it didn't crash the game. 🥳 The bad news is, not what I was looking for lmao.

Like, don't get me wrong. I've seen way worse (the stuff of nightmares) on a modding channel I've been teaching myself this stuff lately, so. It's not like I completely fucked this thing up or anything like that.

It's just... I still gotta ask though.

What went wrong here?

[starlitangels]

Redacted Boi Social Media Headcanons

Vincent only really uses Instagram, but is required by the Department to have it private because his human name is legally missing-presumed-dead and his face has a risk of being recognized if someone from his human life stumbled upon his Instagram. That said, he doesn't really screen people who request to follow him

Darlin' and Sam don't use any social medias. Darlin' has a Facebook from teenage years, but they deactivated it. But not fully deleted, so they can still be tagged in all the group photos posted to the pack page. In high school, Darlin' was the person who got a lot of unsolicited DMs because they were hot but they hate attention so they blocked everyone but their pack and deactivated. Darlin' reluctantly keeps their Discord for the pack server

David hates social media. He maintains the pack's private Facebook group and Discord server (though the latter is really more Asher's job, David's just in charge) but will not touch anything else. David's favorite social media is YouTube because he can lookup tutorials for anything and not have to ask anyone for help

Milo's a borderline Instagram influencer. He's got a gazillion followers (who all think he's hot, and he is). His Instagram is directly linked to his Facebook, so every picture and caption he puts on IG gets automatically posted to FB too

Marie comments only on Milo's Facebook (she has and kinda uses IG, but doesn't comment). She's the one that will leave the heartfelt comments with "Call me" at the end. She knows that's a meme among younger people that their older relatives leave "what a beautiful couple. Call me" comments, but she does it anyway. And guess what? She does it because it works. Milo👏 is👏a👏Mama's👏Boy👏 and he will call her when she leaves those comments

Asher doesn't use social media much, but is perpetually on Discord. He mods the pack's server, and like 6 others just for fun. He does post lots of pictures of Babe and selfies of the two of them together on the pack's Facebook though

Damien used to get into arguments on Twitter with randos. Huxley thinks it's funny to pull them up from when Damien was a teenager

Huxley was never much into most social medias but I like to think he'd be like that one TikTok dude who pops up on my Tumblr dash occasionally who explains how to do calisthenics and other workout stuff in a really simple, easy, modified way for people who are just getting started. People started following him because he's hot, and then realized he's actually like the nicest dude and doesn't know he's popular

Lasko's a Tumblr boy. I'm not taking constructive criticism on this

Gavin refuses to get an Instagram because he knows he'd get too addicted to it. He knows he's ridiculously good-looking and would amass a following supernaturally fast, and that's why he won't. But he has his old Facebook from when it first started to be popular. He got rid of all his old friends list and now just has Freelancer, Huxley, Lasko, Damien, and a handful of d(a)emon friends who also have Facebooks like Crux

Avior doesn't have any social media at all

Neither does Caelum and Gavin and Freelancer have decided not to expose him to the negativity of the internet

Vega refuses

Cam keeps a few things for professional purposes, but doesn't use them much

Guy is a Tumblrina. Guy is a Tumblrina. Guy is a Tumblrina. Guy is

Aaron's favorite is LinkedIn. This is a joke.

Elliott uses Pinterest a lot for aesthetic inspiration for dreams. He doesn't use much else

Blake is on like every social media all the time. Mostly for CloseKnit. But he also stalked Bestie from afar for a long time

James had to get rid of all of his when his job started getting more secretive and he had to have limited contact with the rest of the world

Morgan doesn't have any social media just as a way to keep himself and his magic safe. The Department protections didn't require it, but he thought it was for the best

Porter totally isn't jealous that Vincent has a higher IG follower count than him and his account isn't even private. He's always trailing like 20 behind

[desire-mona]

Opinions on jacksfilms v sssniperwolf?

Penny for ur thoughts plz 🪙 (<- pretend that is a penny shhhhh)

this ask is an equivalent to asking for my hand in marriage just btw.

so in case anyone doesnt know anything abt this old ass drama (i dont know as much as i could either, this is a retelling from the bits and pieces i remember):

so basically sssniperwolf used to be this gaming youtuber but she eventually turned into a half baked "reaction" channel where she just watches tiktoks, makes low effort surface level commentary, and then doesnt credit the creator of said tiktoks. jacksfilms is a comedy youtuber who does a bunch of stuff (sketches, streaming, something called YIAY where he gives ppl prompts / questions to answer n reads em out(with credit!(also hes been doing stuff with ai recently but mostly to show how mid it is which like. eh idk how i feel abt it but its not a dealbreaker))) and he at one point in 2023 called out sniper for her content stealking and lazy content.

he started doing this thing where he reacted to her videos the way she reacts to the videos she steals? i think? and then he gives credit to the creators that sniper reacts to i hope ur following. sniper eventually got mad and was like "uhhhmmm ur stealing from me....." which is rly funny considering she steals from SO many ppl. they had lowkey beef for a while (and obv jack was in the right the entire time) and on uhhhhhh lemme look this up hold on. october 13th of last year sniper posted an instagram story poll like "jacksfilms is close to this place im shooting at should i go see him" i guess to like? talk things out?

(src)

and then some amnt of time later while jack was playing jackbox on stream with his editors and stuff (dubbed the council) sniper showed up at his house, stood outside, and posted a video OF HIS HOME ON HER STORY. ON HER INSTAGRAM WITH OVER 5 MILLION FOLLOWERS. also to add even more context that i found out from youtube comments, sniper has been arrested for armed robbery before, so! some council member alerted jack and erin (jack's wife) was like "erm im gonna go outside" and everyone was like NO DONT OMG. eventually she deleted the story but by that point it was like wayyyy too late. and photos of his house were alr on twitter and stuff. the most ridiculous part is that when jack was rightfully like WHAG GHE HELL she was like this guy is creepy and hes been harassing me! i just wanna talk!!!

jacksfilms made a video being like heyyyyy youtube can u do smthn abt this???? youtube, of course, did nothing in response. i honestly dont know how it ended but snipers still doing her thing and so is jack so ultimately nothing substantial came of it, i guess. i wasnt on stream when it happened but i was GLUED to twitter as it was unfolding since ive been a big jacksfilms fan since i was 12ish. crazy times

WAIT EDIT I FORGOT TO ADD MY OPINION OOPS LOL: FUCK SNIPERWOLF

also fun fact! ive had a couple convos with a council member (marshaldoesstuff u will always be famous) and i was in his discord FOREVER ago. like 2018 forever ago. got groomed in that server it was kinda goofy (NOT marshal's fault - nor the mods of said server, im still friends with a few of those mods and they were always so protective of me and were there to put a stop to everything, i love them dearly.) so yeah im kinda etched into jacksfilms lore in a way that VERY few remember. which is the case for a few different fandoms tbh.

second fun fact: jack and erin r house md fans (erin has a crush on house and jack has a crush on cuddy which is sooo based of them)

thank u for asking and thank u for reading :3 i luv jacksfilms

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for snapping at my (18f) friend (19f) and then not talking to her again?

In middle school I met this girl who was in the same grade as me. We met because we were both friends with the same person, and slowly became friends as well. I wouldn't have called her my best friend though, she was just one of the people I hung out with at school (one of the few people, I struggled with having friends back then)

Flash forward to high school. The mutual friend moves away and just leaves us two. We're also in some of the same classes together, namely a digital media class we were in all four years of hs (we even sat beside each other all four years)

And well. her company was nice, but I wouldn't have called her a close friend. I never really told her many secrets, but I would be there for her in emotional support over her family being pretty shitty to her over and over again.

During our last two years, we both worked on the school yearbook (which was what you did in the last two years of that digital media class). I thought it was very enjoyable to work on it, and was extremely proud of the first one we produced, especially because the staff complimented it.

The second year (our senior year), however, was a little different. My friend started missing a lot of school because she was having stomach issues, and when she was at school she either spent more time roleplaying with her long-distance boyfriend (technically fiancé??? I didn't really understand their relationship, I was honestly very weary over it) over discord or half-assing the work she was supposed to be doing. In the end, she kinda stopped showing up to school, and I ended up taking over all the pages she meant to be doing, and changing the ones she did do because we changed up the scheming and her work was now very out of place.

Anyways, I'm wrapping up my senior year and the yearbook staff (which was me, two other students, my friend, and the digital media teacher) took a staff picture for the end of the yearbook. As usual, the friend isn't there. When we put the photo in and write down the yearbook credits, I ask my teacher if we should put the friend's name down since she was technically part of the group, and the teacher reveals to me that since she missed so many days she ended up being removed from the digital media class, which meant she wasn't on the yearbook staff anymore. I felt that was a bit of a rude move, but I also understood, so I left that decision alone.

Yearbooks then come out, and it took a while, but I guess my friend finally got her copy somehow, because she suddenly texts me in a fit of anger about not being in the yearbook staff section. She accuses me of not talking to my teacher about it (even tho I did) and going off on me about how I should have stuck up for her. She said a lot of other things too, but I long since deleted her contact, so I don't exactly remember.

What I do remember tho, was that I was pissed at her for making an assumption like that. I was also stressed as hell because at the time, my grandfather had just gotten diagnosed with lung cancer. The same cancer that killed my grandmother, his wife, when I was young. I remember that I replied to her telling that unlike her assumption, I tried to stick up for her, but I had to do what the teacher said. (She had been removed from the class anyways!) I also remember that I told her about my grandfather and being stressed about it, and that "now is not the time to do this". I wanted us to talk more about it later, after she calmed down and I got my head on straight.

It was the first time I snapped at her. She never replied to me. Eventually, I just decided to move on and deleted her contact. If she wants to get back in touch, she'll be able to. I know I probably should've checked in on her at some point, especially with her rocky home life, but I was honestly getting sick of her. Sure, we were there for each other emotionally, but I was starting to feel like all I was there for was to help her with her schoolwork and listen to her vent 24/7, which was slowly starting to make me more and more stressed.

It's been a little over a year since that happened, and I still hope she's doing alright and was able to move out at the very least. I was wondering if me snapping and choosing not to check in was an asshole move, considering the context.

What are these acronyms?

[blazehedgehog]

Most obvious question in the world, maybe, but hey, I'm interested! What'd ya think of today's Sonic Central?

There was a part of me that really regretted watching it. They definitely had a lot to announce, but a LOT of it was like...

Mobile games I hate (because of f2p mechanics) or cannot play (because they are in Apple Arcade jail).

Merchandise I either can't afford (Lego), don't want (a motorcycle helmet) or don't have space for (statues and action figures).

After a while I started to get that melted brain feeling like when you watch too many late night infomercials in a row. I could feel my fight or flight mechanism trying to kick in. Framing one of them as an actual infomercial did not help.

The two ones of most interest were, one, the Sonic x DC crossover.

We're going to be getting two years (24 issues?) of some sort of alternate universe where The Justice League is made up of Sonic characters. I don't know what to make of it, but I'm willing to keep an open mind about it.

There's a part of me that wonders if this is Sega testing the waters just in case IDW folds -- my understanding is they aren't very stable right now, but then I suppose the same could be said of a lot of the North American comics industry. I don't read much outside of Sonic, but I absorb some degree of the culture through my friends, and I know Marvel and DC aren't doing super well in the comics space either right now, and that's been an ongoing, long term issue (long enough term that it's been cited as the driving reason Marvel pivoted to the MCU over a decade ago, since the comics biz has been suffering so much for so long).

I floated "maybe Sega is shopping around in case IDW folds" in a Discord earlier and was told pretty definitively that's unlikely, and I think that's fair. You never know, but DC also did that ridiculous Looney Tunes crossover series a few years ago.

They just do weird stuff like this. Which is nice, really. More power to them.

The other notable thing being more information about Sonic X Shadow Generations. A peek at Mephiles, a look at more levels and bosses, and the possibility that through the time distortion Shadow finds himself in, he may be able to see and interact with Maria and Gerald again. There's mention of "correcting the timeline," which could mean a lot of things. I'm used to hearing that in comic books, where it means "we get to clean up clutter we don't like."

Speaking as someone who does not like their involvement in the story, would be funny if Shadow Generations ends with Shadow somehow making it so Gerald never made a deal with the aliens. In theory it wouldn't change our Shadow; for the same reason that in Sonic 06, defeating Iblis in the past did not get rid of him in Silver's future (see also: "Classic Sonic is from another dimension.") But I think it would be cool to say "I didn't just kill him, I erased him from the timeline."

But yeah. It continues to look cool. Cool enough that I preemptively spent my Twitch earnings to pre-order the game after the show. I won't get paid those earnings for another three weeks, but it's fine. Hopefully.

I guess they also announced they're going to be putting up the Shadow Origin series for free on Youtube starting today, when it originally sounded like those would be exclusive to the Digital Deluxe on PS5. Now the Digital Deluxe is merely getting "extended and deleted scenes." At least they'll be included with the game this time, unlike most of the other animations Sega's put out to promo a new game.

But it's very telling that their "one more thing" was a Sonic movie 3 feature that was basically just one of the... producers? writers? director? standing on the backlot telling us "the movie is going to be so good you guys" while interspersed with clips from the one and only trailer we've seen. I can feel myself being carried away on everyone else's hype for that movie, but the realistic expectations in my heart is that, bare minimum, I personally won't like it.

Outside of that first movie I haven't felt like this series has been put together very well and I could see it all crashing and burning with this third movie.

[mintywolf]

A Long Road Home - Author Notes

Page 14

I’m so glad these two touch-starved neruodisasters found each other.

Regardless of how familiar you are with some of my other work you can probably guess who her is. It’s been 31 years since she’s had a hug and the last one ended VERY POORLY. :C And it’s been up to 8 years since anyone has voluntarily gone near Imogen.

I just realized I’ve been neglecting to make it clear that Pâté’s dialogue is actually coming from Laudna, oops. All his text bubbles have been pointing to him. (She’s just a really good ventriloquist, had a long time to practice.) But it’s an important distinction here because she’s using him to communicate while she’s too overwhelmed and uncomfortable to speak about herself. This is mostly extrapolation/headcanon on my part; although she does have him talk about her a few times in canon (mainly about his own origins) it isn’t because she was reluctant to do so herself. But I kinda wonder about the repercussions of him having his own voice now that he’s her familiar and not a puppet she can speak through, having that means of expression cut off from her.

I also want to take a moment to say that I’m really, truly touched by how warmly this comic has been received! It means a lot to me to know that people are looking forward to it every week.

When I was about middle school age I had to learn to curb my enthusiasm for my creative projects because I used to get in trouble when I got too excited or talkative about something I was interested in or working on. My mother would get not just impatient but punitively ANGRY about it. (Which hurt because at the time a lot of it wasn’t fandom but original stories and characters and worlds and mythologies that I’d created and was building with my friends.) She used to call me into her room and tell me “You just go on and on and ON” and that no one in the family wanted to hear it, and my friends weren’t really interested in all of this and were just humoring me. If she thought I was getting too obsessed with something she’d limit my access to it and didn’t let me visit my friends’ houses too often because she was afraid their parents would think I was weird. So I learned to keep how much I care about anything to myself. (In retrospect it’s now pretty obvious to me that there’s some undiagnosed neurodivergence here that she was just not equipped to parent, but at the time it was very damaging, especially since she didn’t treat my neurotypical siblings the same way and let them happily obsess over boybands and middle school drama.)

(And nowadays she’s pretty much chilled out about it, although I am still careful to hide my interests from her. She knows I have them, but she doesn’t know how deeply I’m involved or how much they mean to me. One notable exception was a few months ago when I came back from a convention where I’d cosplayed as Matilda and she wanted to know what my costume was and I couldn’t explain without delving into the seven layer cake of Backstory there, haha. But she was kind of bemusedly tolerant about it. Also if I emotionally damaged you at PAX Unplugged in Philadelphia last December, hi!)

All this is not to say Woe Is Me but to explain that to this day, every time, I have to punch through a wall of anxiety to put my work out there, especially something as emotionally charged and heartfelt as this, because I can’t interact with anyone without her voice in my head like Delilah freaking Briarwood telling me that no one else is really interested. I have a hard time participating in fandom spaces and discussions because even though I know we’re all there because we are rabid about the same thing I still worry that people aren’t going to care about what I have to say. Sometimes I’ll post on discord and then immediately delete it because I’m afraid I’m imposing even though I know I’m allowed to be there. :|

So, if you’re reading this, thank you. I love you! All of you!! It means so, so much to me to be creating something that is wanted and enjoyed. <3

[crazyexdirkfriend]

What's the behind the scenes for shag etc? 👀 (also the icon on your blog theme is so cute...)

ty ty! it's from chapter 2 of two short hours etc. in case anyone didn't see it. okay this might get long so read more time

I have so many behind the scenes for that. Firstly: the playlist. this is what I made because my huge dirkjake playlist isn't thematically consistent. but to elaborate on the Lore of my choices:

dirt-emma blackery is actually the song that gave me the idea for the fic, and then down for the count-bowling for soup played afterwards. the key being snarky bits like "then you came on twitter saying i'm bitter, honey have you looked in the mirror" "how far down will you go on me, ONLINE" "guess things go sour after they pass their sell-by-date"

dead girl walking (reprise) was initially on my playlist for calvariæ and strip away my conscience (FIFTY SHADES OF MORALLY GREEEY) was on my two short hours etc. playlist, but both made the migration over thematically

someone gets hurt is solely on this for POOOOR LITTLE ME ALL TRAPPED IN THIS FABULOUS SHOOOOW. jake in a golden bird cage of his own making.

the bit where jake walks out on stage to endorse karkat with the back light is based on the music video for taylor swift's "i bet you think about me" when she...well comes out with a back light to "the voice is so loud, saying 'why did you let her go?'" it's very revenge dress moment for jake here. rip princess diana, she would have loved my fanfiction where dirk and jake hunt each other for sport.

i'm on it by the cast of nashville is on this because "the only over i'll be is over your shoulder" is why i have jake make those stupid billboards to haunt dirk with.

god is a freak is on this. but dirk is god in this scenario. WEIRD YOU'RE ACTING LIKE MY BOYFRIEND :///

Some other behind the scenes lore, like deleted scenes: I was supposed to rehash the scene where Roxy (and Jake) comes out as NB but it didn't fit in the end. Here's the excerpt I did write

There was also supposed to be a scene where Jake sent Dirk this meme but I forgot to put it in. I instead complained on Twitter about forgetting to put it in and then my third level lecturer SENT ME MY OWN TWEET and then offered me work. I am still haunted by this fact. I have no idea why this happened. Deep deep lore. Here's the image btw

This scene was also supposed to be in it but I had no idea where to go with it. Raccoon was supposed to be a series regular.

This note on the final conflict scene is the only time I used the term "emotionally devastate." The fic was unnamed until literally 3 days before its release bc I couldn't think of anything other than "the blood between us is horrendous but in a vacillating manner as opposed to a xenophobic one- (Troll Taylor's Version)" which was way too long considering no one ever types the full name of shag emotionally devastate etc. anyway lmao

The billboards and the bloat advertising on the dating apps are things I've had Jake do before in RP, both deliberately and accidentally. I find it so infinitely funny to think about the idea of Jake believing so hard that Dirk would never love anyone other than him that he (hope powers) makes it functionally impossible for Dirk to move on. Dirk looks for him in nothing and finds him there anyway. Buys a drink at a bar and Skaianet sponsors Orange Crush now. Is on a date with some guy who is like "hold on, you're jake english's ex? you broke up with jake english? sorry I could never date anyone stupid enough to let jake english go" (shoving breadsticks in purse). I think Jake would also set up Tinder so he pops up every three swipes but when Dirk swipes right on him eventually he just gets a Skaianet helpdesk bot

Other behind the scenes hmm. I spent the vast majority of 8-10 weeks not writing this and 4 weeks actually writing the bulk of it, but most of the time was spent hand wringing on discord because I was convinced that this fic would not be received well so I'm actually hugely pleasantly surprised that people have liked it!

[theraincloudcollective]

things have been wild but may be back

i gotta say looking back at everything ive put on this account before makes me want to delete it all but thats irrelevant

so updates on existing, been too the doctors and diagnosed with a bunch of stuff and the meds help mostly so thats nice, on t-blockers but not estrogen which if u dont know causes hormone deficiency makes anxiety and depression worse, or if u didnt have it before well u do now

so working on getting on that but since my last message i have joined several communities to really help me figure out who i am and made alot of great friends, i also have a better idea of my affection towards other so thats cool other then being panromantic makes platonic affection nerve wracking

also i guess im a collective now? or i guess we, we just end up using which ever comes out at the time and thats also been a massive thing that i only really feel safe sharing here as im not exactly someone who will be seen, also constantly fear that im faking it so das cool, im told if im afraid im faking something likely that means im not but easier said then understood

anyway the actual news that isnt venting, ive been writing a D&D 5e world from scratch for people to make campaigns in this is called the "Datalus Project" and while it will be publicly available eventually it will be a long time as this is a bit of a passion project to have something to do, meaning im going way overboard on new mechanics a new class and lore, factions, even currency

if ur curious in it i do technically have a discord i made for both streaming and datalus but itll take a while before i can actually do alot of stuff with it, if u wanna find the discord its something u can find in my twitch bio links just search for theRaincloud

anyway all of this beside, i hope the days are kind darlings, make sure to be kind to yourself and others and take care ~Queen Rainy iv

[the-blind-geisha]

Important: Regarding Demiurge / Overlord

Reddit hasn't gotten back to me as I type this, but it doesn't and won't sway my opinion either way.

After hearing everything that I could in regards to my fanart being used without my consent, I took a long hard look at it all and decided—no more.

Overlord fandom as a whole hasn't been great. The people I encountered I more brought them into this fandom from writing original content with him. And we're all tired and disappointed. The character we enjoy anyways isn't even in the source material that much. The author puts way too many pedo comments in the show for me to turn a blind eye to nowadays, and I'm... ugh. I can't stomach it anymore. lol

I wrote and drew Demiurge so much, he started to feel more like my own OC. I guess that's where I feel the most destroyed. I brought more life into this character and did so much content than I could imagine.

If I have to be told it's just easier to get hands on my fanart because 'there's not a lot of Demiurge fanart', then okay. Y'all lost another Demiurge fan artist. ♥

I was a bit upset and disappointed when one of the mods told me 'they could delete it but...' and I'm just... I dunno what to do there. As kind as the exchange was, it still frustrates me that something I made has to be made for a meme without credits.

Especially when we have fan works being sold all around the board either on Amazon, fucked up in AI art or in some crypo scheme.

I've had my Demiurge fanart sold on Amazon before. And it's just... I'm done. I'm out. I shouldn't have to put myself through this.

No more Demiurge fanart from me. And if it does show up down the line, it's going to be butchered.

I've told the discord server I'm apart of that better quality art of mine may end up there. Just so I know where it is and feel it's better controlled. It'll be in a private channel when I have the energy to wake up and make it.

As for writing going forward: I'll only do things regarding him, but I am not going to tag it under Overlord or put it under the Overlord masterlist. He's going under a different filing.

Also: NO MORE REQUESTS PERTAINING TO THE SOURCE MATERIAL.

There are some things I won't mind doing, but I won't mention Nazarick, Ainz Ooal Gown, other NPCs, or 'Creators' any longer. Demiurge just has to be put into more original situations. That way, I don't have to fight these sorts of things anymore.

I'll still be writing An Empty Heart Full of Memories, but I'm sad to say Tome of Ashurbanipal must be shut down indefinitely. I'll open another request form for more original ideas with the character.

I apologize whoever this hurts. I don't like making these posts, because it's always a difficult decision to make. I hate hurting the many because of the few. But I have to think of my mental and emotional health first and foremost.

Sorry for this. I just don't have the energy to make content and be told 'I don't have the right to ask for it to be taken down'.

That's my fault. I should have known humanity sucked and kids can't tell that 'an image on the internet isn't always free to use'.

~Oreana

[olderthannetfic]

I got in a similar situation with that anon that was trauma dumping, except I had been in that server for more than a year. I was cancelled, had a sleuth of real life problems, and usually would just announce them and then take time off. Never went into detail or asked anything out of them, nor dumped too much information they didn't want to hear or that they didn't ask for.

It took me a while to come to the conclusion that they really didn't care at all about me when I realized that I was always DMing them, always checking in on them if they weren't online for a couple of days, leaving comments under their works to make them feel better, and other people in the server would talk about how the others were always so kind to them, so nice, "They DM'd me"/"They left long comments"/"They gifted me a fic", and... when it came to me, no one gave a shit.

I did an experiment and told them that I was going through a shit period because of a very personal issue (I didn't make it up, it actually was), and left Ao3, left Tumblr, left Discord all together, not deleting them, but not updating anything nor messaging anyone. I literally disappeared. I was in complete silence for months, not interacting with anyone.

No one cared.

I didn't hear from any of them for months in a row, and when I finally decided to try and interact again and bring up how hurt I was that the people who would keep telling me they were my friends couldn't be bothered to send me a single message in months, I was accused of trauma dumping on them, being unreasonably mean, being downright evil to people who had done everything they could to support me. When I asked them what they had done to support me or show me they were actually my friends, something they kept repeating to try and guilt trip me into apologizing to them, they kept changing the topic and accusing me of being horrible.

When I left the server, they told me they were happy I had finally left. Thank god they were my fandom friends.

--

*slew

Yeesh. Yeah, those aren't friends. You're better off out of there.

TBH, a lot of fandom friends won't usually DM you or check in that much. I have some fandom friends I've met in recent years, gotten close to quickly, and spent a lot of time talking to in discord PMs. If they go silent, I usually assume they're busy. I don't think it would occur to me to keep close tabs on them like you're describing. It would feel a bit presumptuous. Though I guess if I sent them a few "look at this funny link from today" messages and heard nothing, I might eventually go "Hey, are you okay?"

But if this was a common practice in the server aside from you, then it probably did mean something. It's possible they just didn't like your fic for non-personal reasons, but that this led to less overall interaction with you and fewer positive feelings about you without anyone really realizing. It's also possible they were just jerks.

Regardless, you were putting in a lot of effort that you weren't getting back, and that always sucks.

Either they were taking advantage and not holding up their end of the friendship or you were being pushy with people who weren't interested and who don't express friendship the same way you do. I genuinely have no way to tell. Both situations are very common, and it's not always easy to tell when one is in the situation oneself.

But it doesn't matter because both result in you feeling used and abandoned. In either case, you're better off now, out of that server and looking for other friends with whom it will be more mutual.

[bubblyhoney]

sarah i have thought of another fic request or like a cute idea i guess! i didn’t have anyone in mind when i thought of it so you can write it for whoever you want honestly :)

okay so the reader is a streamer but streams games like animal crossing, standew valley, etc. then (insert who you’re writing for) says they don’t like that game, but later ends up buying it and the reader is like “i thought you said you didn’t like this game” and they’re like “well i like you” and they confuses their feelings and they end up playing the game together and reader gives them a tour of their island or farm

i feel like this request isn’t good, but the scenario seemed cute and i wanted to share it. sorry if this is confusing or just too specific cuz i know it can be hard to write requests like that! but yeah i hope it gives you inspiration and you like the request <3

new horizons

warnings: language, a Marvel reference (hint: natasha said it about tony), stupid idiots who don’t realize they like each other, use of pet names, Uno rage, Hasan Piker's presence

words: 1473

tags: sapnap x gn!reader

A/N: i’ve been trying to catch up a little on my requests (i’ve only got a couple so i’m not super overwhelmed) but school and outside life has been taking up most of my time so this one took me a while to make! tbh— ive never played animal crossing so i did google some of the game mechanics and i apologize if anything is inaccurate about the game…. but i liked relaxing and writing this cute one so thank you for requesting hails :3

requests/inbox status: open

-

“This game is trash.”

Your head quirks, fingers stopped on the screen. You’re in the process of giving your character a cute new nickname; it’s kind of hard to decide between “awkward dude” and “elderly skater”.

“Excuse me?” Your chat comes alive with emotes and ‘KEKW’s, obviously entertained by you and your almost-more-than-friends-friend.

There’s a story for that later.

Sapnap’s rough laugh comes through your headset and he audibly swallows, the sound of a water bottle dropping onto his desk echoing.

“I’m just saying—it’s boring. It’s like Minecraft but you don’t like… do anything.” The grainy image of his bearded face shifts and you see him pull out his phone.

“It’s— you can’t even compare it to Minecraft! It’s a completely different game system—you actually interact with other people live in the game.” You huff out a dramatic sigh, slumping in your chair with a pout. “Just because you go into this lucid state where all you know is ‘touch block, hit George’ doesn’t mean this game isn’t fun.” (He scoffs at your awful impression of his voice. Your viewers love it.)

“Jeez,” he mumbles, fumbling with the cap of his water bottle. “Touched a nerve there, bud.”

You roll your eyes, getting back to the village in the game.

“Don't ‘bud’ me.”

The call falls comfortably quiet, the sounds of him tapping obsessively on his phone and you clicking away filling the silence. A gentle bedroom-pop YouTube playlist remains in the background, prompting you to hum along and glance at the chat to see a flood of “check twitter” and “Y/N TWITTER!!”.

“What happened on Twitter?” You mumble, confused, and pull the website up on another monitor. Sapnap just makes a curious noise, swinging back and forth in a circle. “Oh my God,” you say to yourself, fingertips brushing your parted lips.

“What?”

“Hasan Piker just followed me and retweeted one of my not even remotely political old tweets. Like from a year ago.”

“That’s— wow. Congrats?” Sapnap’s voice cracks, and his ears flush pink the tiniest bit when you glance at his face on Discord.

“I’m gonna go on record and say that he could get it.” You shake your head in disbelief.

Sapnap falls uncharacteristically non-hyper-verbal, so you look past the frenzied chat and to his screen— wait. He muted and turned his camera off.

“Um,” you start, furiously typing question marks in your private chat. “Where’d you go?” You mute and turn screen share off for your stream, concerned that he might’ve fallen off his chair and broken his neck and needs you to call the ambulance.

The characteristic ding of a twitter notification sounds through your bedroom, and you look at your phone quickly.

“That’s where I went.”

Sapnap Tweeted: “all Y/U stans can choke on my dick”.

“Jesus, Sapnap,” you say, and rapidly refresh to read the replies. This tweet was deleted. “That’s so— that barely makes sense, bro. Why— literally what?”

His snicker floods your ears and you relax in your chair. Crisis: averted. “Don’t fucking— what’s wrong with you?”

“I thought it would be funny,” he offers, shrugging, and fiddles with the straw in his water bottle, smile fading. “And also Hasan pisses me off.”

“Why, ‘cause he wants a piece of this? Jealous?” You think back to your viewers, knowing they’re probably spamming question marks and coming to ludacris conclusions about both of your absences. No offense to them. You remember your stan days very vividly.

“I mean, kinda.” He rubs once at his nose, glancing at the camera (and what feels like you) before taking a sip from his water bottle.

“Wow.” You watch one strand of his hair fall from beneath his hat and brush against his full eyebrows. “I’m uh—I’ll get back to my stream. You coming? Or is it time for a Sapnap-snack?”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” He snorts and leans his chin onto the balance of his arm.

“That means you like to take a little snack break mid-stream and come back approximately nine hours later and you didn’t even eat.”

“You know what— fuck you.” He flicks the camera as you laugh at the look on his face.

The teasing mood is easily kept as you switch games from Animal Crossing to Uno, all the while slamming Sapnap with +4’s and skipping the newly-arrived BadBoyHalo at any chance you can get. It unironically pisses him off and he has to take a Sapnap-snack break midway through (only a fifteen minute break this time, during which you and Bad take a “What Kind of Bread Are You?” quiz). The rest of the night is filled with devious cackles (you), loud and sudden bangs that sound suspiciously like someone hitting their desk in anger (Sap) and the stupid barking of Rat, AKA Lucy (Bad). She’s cute but a menace to the sound quality of Bad’s microphone. You sign off stream around 2 a.m. with various forms of thanks and kisses blown to the camera. It’s been a refreshing night, actually; you’ve been busy organizing a partnership stream all week and all your friends have been busy filming or editing or what-not. Quackity had time for a little Roblox every couple of days, though. He’s got your back.

The next time you see Sapnap is after a two hour stream of him try-harding in Valorant and you finishing responding to an email from your partnership in the VC.

“Okay, I’m back.” You hear him shift in his chair and click a couple more times on his keyboard. You perk up in your chair, closing the email browser you’d been looking at.

“Do you want to play anything else? I’m down for anything.”

“Absolutely not Uno. You can go to hell for giving me 6 cards that one time,” he jabs. You scoff, crossing your arms and leaning back in your chair.

“Okay, the +4 was on me but it’s Bad who gave you the last two. That’s not my fault, sweetie.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he mumbles, trailing off as the clicking of his keyboard stops. “Hey, um—Guess what?”

Your heart beats loud in your ears at the tone of his voice. He sounds nervous; that’s never good.

“I’m scared to guess,” you try, playing with a little Minecraft dog figurine you have on your desk with fidgety fingers. “What?”

“I bought Animal Crossing.”

Silence. You stare at his discord icon blankly, trying to reroute the wires of your brain.

“Tell me you love it.”

“Well… I haven’t actually played it— but you said you liked it, so.”

“So,” you repeat him, ears warming but continuing on. “Is that what you tell all your friends when you buy something they like? That it's because of them?”

He seems to choose his next words carefully, pausing a beat to consider your questions.

“Well, I don’t have a crush on all of my friends.”

“You—what?” You stutter, caught off guard and stumbling. What did he just say? “Don’t tell me you mean you have a crush on me.”

“I’m almost positive I just did.” His discord icon stares right back at you, taunting.

“You know, you’re very casual for someone who just admitted they like-like me.” Your cheeks flush pink and you have to press a hand to your chest to keep your breathing sounding stable.

“Yeah, I’m kind of cool like that,” he offers, a huff of a laugh punctuating his statement. The conversation moves into a lull that you can’t help but know is because of you. He must expect you to say something about it, right?

“You are very cool, Sapnap.” You tilt back in your chair, sucking in a breath to prepare yourself for your next words. “And—Isortakindofhaveacrushonyoutoo.”

He must understand you, for you can hear the grin in his voice when he asks “Really?”

“Y-yeah.” You feel like a preteen again, all shaky and giddy in front of the boy you just asked to a middle school dance.

“Um, alright. What do we do now?”

“I don’t know,” you answer genuinely and swing in a happy little circle in your chair. “We could play Animal Crossing.”

“I’m down.”

You swear you’ve never heard more beautiful words.

He keeps his camera off for most of the time you two play, too focused on creating his island and asking you questions about how to fish to turn it on. He silently flips it on when you help him decorate his lawn, needing to show you in real-time the decorations he has bought and where you think he should put them. He looks cute. I mean, of course he does. He always does.

You tell him goodbye late in the night, eyes saying a little more than just “see you tomorrow”.

You like him. He likes you.

It’s even better when you two have matching gardens.

-

A/N: anybody and everybody (especially my precious hailey) let me know what you think!! :]

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

Thurs 10 June ‘21

DREAMS DO COME TRUE and fanfics do come to life, how lucky are we? Seriously though, cooking show Louis AND footie Louis in one day, have we finally crossed out of the dark timeline and into some kind of blessed AU?! Louis is doing a COOKING SHOW (well, a little cooking video), and even better- it’s one of those things where he tries to recreate a recipe on his own for the camera! Full Time Meals is part of Marcus Rashford’s campaign to end child food insecurity in the UK. Celebrity chef Tom Kerridge makes easy meals from cheap ingredients for folks to follow along with, so Louis shouldn’t have too much trouble- good for him, though maybe not quite as entertaining for us, but this is one step closer to Celebrity Bake Off, keep dreaming big and crossing those fingers! Kerridge will post his recipe video on Sunday, and then Monday they’ll post Louis making the same thing. The preview pic is just long ass hair everywhere OMG. Put on a hairnet, hippie! NOT ONLY THAT I guess he is still at the studio, but hey that just means more video for us and not only that, today’s fan videos are of Louis kicking a football around- look at him GO!- with CHILDREN, goddddd. TOOO much, truly excellent.

My Policeman filming officially wrapped, and Harry took a fan pic in London (with a fan called… Harry!) Harry (Styles) is wearing his “louie” shirt (hey I didn’t name the thing okay it’s literally called that) and carrying his blue bandana in his back pocket (on the left, relevant if hanky code, probably not relevant if he was just carrying it for hay fever symptoms or whatever.)

Liam assured us that the Vegas entrepreneur dinner will be very fun and (in his underwear, hello) said that he loves his discord and he did a live chat about Lonely Bug and NFTs. He said, “lonely bug is my inner child,” there will be LB merch- “very limited toy drop might add clothes don’t know,” that the new song has “very very bright lyrics,” and said both that his knee is sore and that his knee is much better thanks, how very Liam.

And in a (these days rare for me) dip into fandom discourse, I see writer Kaitlyn Tiffany is back making the rounds of blogs for her book about the 1D fandom and how craaaazzzy larries are; BLOCK HER. Her tumblr url is kaittiffany (EDIT SJDKJFKS she has deleted since this morning OK THEN but she will be back again; I’m leaving this in for next time as we definitely haven’t seen the last of her, plus you know I went to all the trouble of writing it.) A book actually reporting on this complex and somewhat unique fandom objectively from a place of interest and curiosity would be fascinating and totally worthwhile… but sadly this REALLY ain’t it. She has made it clear she has no intention of actually writing about the intricacies of this fandom, only in finding material to bolster her already decided upon thesis about the ‘clinical paranoia’ and conspiracy theorizing of young women online. Her entire premise is based on her own preconceived bias, and she came here to find things to support her premise rather than coming up with it based on what she saw (not to mention it’s totally dated at this point, she really missed the cultural moment on that) and she has no interest in hearing what we have to say, only in pathologizing to support the sensationalist brief she probably got a publishing advance for and finding things to pull out of context to make her already decided on points. Anyway she wrote the intern- who had not blocked her to that account, oops- offering the ‘choice’ between one of our posts being quoted in her book with or without a name attached GEE THANKS SUCH GREAT OPTIONS; once she sees anything she wants to pull out of context, you can’t do anything about it (this is a public platform), so just block her so she doesn’t see it in the first place.

Hey but since we’re not getting an actual balanced book about the fandom maybe someone should write a companion book to hers analyzing the psychological phenomena of antis! Hey publishers, I can throw around buzz words too plus unlike her I know what I’m talking about as an actual member of this community, check it out: I propose an analysis in the aftermath of the Trump era of ‘othering’ in online spaces and how certain fandom groups operate as a socially acceptable entry level location of practice in demonizing a peer population which can act as a gateway to normalizing the othering of other cultures, races, etc. In this essay book I will address how fans experience peer validation and support to egg each other on in bullying other people because those people have been coded as Other and Wrong and because their community reinforces the idea that attacking other humans is Good Behavior and that normal constraints and ethics are suspended when people need to be Made to Understand the Righteous Truth and that any means justify that end, and how that carries over into non-fandom life and is dangerous as hell. Now THAT’S timely, DM for deets about where to send my advance!

[prince-simon]

So, I just finished chapter 13 of I don't feel like our love is brand new and let me tell you that this is the most special and beautifully written wilmon fic/au I’ve ever read. The effort you put in this???? I’m so intrigued in the type of person you are, just from reading everything you’ve put into this story. Idk maybe this is confusing or dumb, I can’t even put into words what I want to say, I just genuinely can’t wrap my head around the genius mind of yours. I feel like I relate to you as a person so much, even tho I literally know nothing about you. This just feels so special somehow. There were so many details, with such good information along the way. Las meninas? Are you kidding me? I googled the picture while reading simons description and let me tell you, I was ready to get that painting tattooed on my back immediately. Also, so many important topics that you picked up and talked about. Your writing style is so easy to read, yet it made my heart hurt and flutter at the same time. I adore you and I adore this story. I honestly can’t wait for the next +120000 words (even tho I believe the story is coming to an end and it won’t actually be that much longer, fingers crossed that it is tho lmao) so that I can finally sleep peacefully again. (Literally dreamed about the story last night 🙃). Okay enough rambling now haha. (Drop your Twitter if you’re comfortable or somewhere I can reach out to you. <3)

aaahh you're so sweet thank you so much!!! i can assure you if you're reading this story you at least partly know me ahahah but i get what you mean and i love that actually!!

las meninas is so cool!! i'm so happy jude made me aware of it bc it just fits simon and the story so perfectly! also i totally support getting it tattooed ahahah

i'm pretty sure you're not too far off with those +120000 words lolol

also omg what was your dream?? ahahah i love that!!

I actually don't have twitter (i had it for like a week and then deleted it again lolol) but my dm's here are open or if you have discord i guess you can find me there, my username is why_without_the_h#7125

[pengychan]

Look mom, I'm making a callout post!

Well, not a callout as much as a warning to the entire Coco fandom, given what we found out about the piece of work that goes by "hobbyartist01", and what she has done to several fans for the past few months. I'll try to make a very long story short.

Be warned, there is mention of heavy homophobia and continued harassment.

I'm going to start from... near the end. When, a few days ago, this exchange between hobbyartist01 and some other users was brought to the attention of several people in the Coco fandom. 

(Could I have blacked out the other people's names? Yes. Did I? Absolutely not.) 

I will not link you to the video in question because I don't think that pile of shit should get any views. If you're too curious to resist, you can find it on YouTube but be warned - it is vehemently homophobic and the arguments in it are absolutely vile.

As hobbyartist01 was in a Coco Discord server called The Marigold Bridge, this screenshot was brought to the attention of its admins and some users. Not only did it show a new side to this user we'd been unaware of, but it suddenly presented us with a possible solution to an issue several people had been dealing with.

Starting in January this year, several Coco artists and writers have been dealing with an especially malicious anon. Hateful messages were sent, harassing comments, and in some cases even personal information the anon had been able to uncover about them (though mostly outdated); this person has quite literally gone back years in one user's Internet history to dig up information they had posted as a young teenager. The mods were sent a link by a blog which turned out to be an IP tracker; the blog later deleted itself. This anon tried rather hard to doxx one of the mods, and expressed frustration over being unable to do so. Another Coco fan received an anon message with a link to their personal Facebook profile.

Due to some very specific conversations in the Marigold Bridge server being referenced in the anon's comments, it was clear this piece of work was among its users. However, the mods had no idea who it may be.

Until the conversation above was brought to their attention.

You see, a lot of the messages and comments the anon had been sending had very clear homophobic undertones, with some being straight-up slurs; and some, which was most puzzling of all, had some really weird fanatical comments about going to Hell for worshipping a character "like he’s a god". So, once we saw the ugliness behind hobbyartist01's cutesy art and facade... we began looking into her a bit more. And suddenly it turns out that clues were there all along as to the anon's identity, we just needed to know who to look at.

A combination of peculiar wording in the messages, timing, people who just so happened to be their friends being brought up in said messages and more, made us strongly suspect hobbyartist01's was the hateful anon who'd been harassing people for some seven months. None of it was proof, but as it turns out, there was a smoking gun: while we knew how the anon was able to doxx one person, the other - the one who got a link to their Facebook profile sent to them - had no idea how they may have possibly been doxxed.

They had been very careful not to leave anything online that might point to their  identity. And yet somehow the anon, who just so happened to be in the same server, had managed to find it. It was a real mystery... until they remembered a relative’s email exchange over some gift art with another user in the server, which contained information one could easily use to figure out their full name and find their Facebook profile.

And guess who the user in question was.

As we put all this together, hobbyartist01 realized several of us had unfollowed her on Tumblr (we immediately hit the unfollow button after becoming aware of the homophobia, before we really began putting two and two together on the rest) and blocked us all, before creating a very obvious sock puppet account and inviting it in the server, to be able to stay in case of a ban. She clearly did not know that the mods could tell exactly who created each invite link. Not suspicious behavior at all, eh?

At this point, the mods confronted hobbyartist01. All the evidence pointing at her was laid down in detail, including the fact no one else in the server had the information needed to find out a specific user's identity, and hobbyartist01 was asked for an explanation. The chance to defend herself was there, but it was not taken; despite the mods waiting for days before enacting a ban, hobbyartist01 never responded - though in that time, she did delete her DA and Ao3 accounts. Not at all suspicious, again - this just about obliterated any doubts that may have been left.

So yeah, there you have it. We feel everyone in the fandom should be warned about hobbyartis01, ESPECIALLY any LGBTQ+ people - she is a malicious homophobe who has harassed people for no good reason for seven months, going as far as to bring up family members' names in her messages to create as much anxiety as possible in her victims. 

Keep away from this person, she cannot be trusted and we suspect she may have fake accounts.

Keep safe.

[whatiwillsay]

submission: we need to talk about ttb (spade-riddles)

Hey Cam. Seeing that ask defending TTB’s doxxing has sort of pushed me to finally share some of my story on Tumblr, I guess. I haven’t had the opportunity to talk about this to anyone fully, so this will probably be long, but I hope you don’t mind me venting.

I’m one of the people that got emailed by TTB. I don’t feel comfortable posting this off anon, but I was in a Discord server with you and @bisluthq and some other people back in Dec/Jan. I don’t know if you remember me, but my name on there was one word and began with an L and ended with an S.

I want to share the full story, but I also don’t feel comfortable with sharing certain details publicly because I’m still very wary of getting outed further by her if she sees this, so I’m gonna be vague about some things

Request to her followers — If you see this, please don’t send this to her. Like I’m genuinely asking you not to because I don’t trust her not to cross any more lines. My dad is a major homophobe with serious anger issues who has literally been arrested for violence before, and she doesn’t really think carefully or maybe even care about how any actions she takes could lead to people being harmed, so I’m not eager to see how she might react.

Anyway, I first got an email back in December, and I was really freaked out by it at first. I spoke to one of my mutuals about it, and although we both agreed it was super weird and invasive and creepy, we ended up trying to see the funny side of it. So, I kinda just brushed it off and moved on. I was mainly just really confused about why I had been targeted because at the time, I thought it was only me who’d gotten an email like that. I didn’t understand why she’d specifically targeted me instead of other people who she clearly disliked a lot more.

About a week later, I saw someone on Tumblr mentioning a strange email, and I realised other people must have gotten them too. I spoke to Nat about what happened to me and ended up in the Discord

At the time, I felt like I’d gotten off really easy comparatively to others because I initially didn’t realise that she’d contacted anyone else. And so I tried to act chill about it because I didn’t want to make things about me, but honestly, I was extremely anxious. I felt on edge for over a week. I would keep checking her blog again and again because I was super worried that she would post our personal details publicly. I scrolled through my entire blog from start to finish and deleted a lot of posts that were either personal or that I just didn’t want anyone I knew in real life to read.

This part I have to be vague about because it would basically give away who I am, but it was only a while later when I thought I was in the clear that someone I knew in real life texted me and mentioned seeing a weird email about me. The email had been sent a while back, and they’d been shown it by the original recipient/s. Multiple people had been shown it, but luckily (kinda), only two of those people were actually people I saw on a regular basis

I’m mostly closeted, but I’m kind of technically out to a few of my immediate family members. But it’s very much a DADT situation because they’re not accepting, and they like to just pretend I’m straight. And so I basically have to act closeted even when I’m around them, and I can’t even ALLUDE to being gay.

But with my dad, it’s different. He’s very homophobic. I’m only gonna mention this next part so that people understand what kind of dangerous situation that TTB could have put me in. (And the other people that she doxxed too because she didn’t know how safe their individual situations were). It’s all really personal, and I wouldn’t ordinarily feel comfortable sharing any of this at all, even anonymously, but I think it needs to be said because her actions were extremely fucking irresponsible.

Right, so when I first “came out” to my dad, it was actually an accident, and he reacted… extremely badly. This was back in like… 2018 or 2019, I can’t remember the exact year

(TW // physical abuse, homophobia)

He was extremely angry, literally shaking. He yelled at me, he described in graphic detail how he was going to “break every bone in my body”, “strangle the life out of me”, “drown me”, etc. He kept telling me that I’m disgusting and going to Hell, you get the idea. He was having a lot of fun with making strangling motions and stabbing motions with his hands, and he kept slamming his hand onto the table. That went on for about 15 minutes, and then he stood up and threw a chair from the dining table at me. That was fun lol. And he punched me in the head pretty hard which kinda knocked me back. I felt dizzy, I had to sit down on the floor. At that point, my mum who had been crying and asking him to stop physically intervened, and he ended up storming out of the house instead. My mum’s a genuinely good person btw. She’s a little homophobic, but she cares about me a lot, and I’m very grateful for her. She hates him too, but she’s kinda stuck with him… It wasn’t her fault

He literally hates gay people. He complains about us on the regular. One time, he threw the remote at the TV and cracked the screen just because there was a gay male couple kissing onscreen. Another time, he threw a rock at a gay man on the street. There was also a time where he forced a few of my siblings (who didn’t want to do it) to throw peeled oranges out of the window at people celebrating pride while he drove past them and yelled insults at them. He found that really funny. Anyway, I’m sure you guys get the idea of what kind of person he is

He hasn’t laid a hand on anybody in several months though, so I do think he’s trying to be better at least. Like he’s still verbally abusive and controlling and awful, but I appreciate that he’s at least making an effort to calm down with the hitting and kicking and stuff

Anyway, with my dad, it’s less DADT and more that I think he’s got it in his head that he managed to scare me into “seeing the error of my ways” and that I’ve “stopped choosing to be gay” and that I’m now straight. So, if it had been HIM who had gotten that email, it would’ve been like… extremely bad. Like I’m getting anxious just thinking about it. And this is why I’m so angry at TTB. It was extremely, extremely irresponsible of her to not consider these kinds of possibilities before she sent out her stupid emails. She’s supposed to be an ally, but it didn’t even cross her mind that these emails would lead to people being outed and possibly even harmed?? It’s not okay at all. I’m just very grateful that she didn’t send one to him because I don’t even know what kind of situation I would be in right now.

Anyway, enough about my fucking awful dad… I feel uncomfortable that I even typed all of that out, but I wanted people to understand how dangerous her actions could have been. Like I mean, my dad’s got PTSD and extreme anger issues from his teenage years, so I do try not to judge him TOO harshly, but there’s no excuse for being a huge bigot or occasionally violent. The idea of him being the one who got that email is still so scary to me. Like my heart is racing just thinking about it

One of the people that DID read the email was the male friend I mentioned earlier though. He was shown it by someone else for a particular reason, and he was a very important person to me. Like he was a good guy, we were close, he helped me out with certain personal issues I have and is one of only two people that I know in real life that I felt comfortable confiding in about them. We’d always meet up once a week, sometimes twice, and we’d just talk about stuff and make an effort to help each other out with things. Like he was very important to me.

It turns out that he’d looked through my blog before I’d got around to scrubbing it, and he asked me if I was gay in person the next time we met up. I couldn’t lie because like… he’d have known I was lying right to his face. So, I told him I was, and you should have seen his face. It made me feel so awful about myself. He looked really stunned and shocked and kinda uncomfortable. Like it got so awkward, and I started rambling and making things worse. He was avoiding eye contact, and my voice was shaking.

I ended up making up an excuse to leave about 5 mins later and had an actual anxiety attack. Again, this is embarrassing and something I’d never usually talk about online, but I just want to get it all off my chest so that I can move past it all.

So, I was like on the verge of tears (I don’t cry easily), I couldn’t breathe properly, I was pacing around the building, and I just wanted to escape, so I headed straight for the doors. There was a queue of about 100 people lined up and waiting to leave, and I couldn’t think straight or breathe and just needed to be outside, so I tried to go out through the other exit which is for staff only. The security guard stopped me and basically publicly humiliated me in front of all of those people. He loudly shamed me and said I “didn’t have any decency” for attempted to jump the queue, lectured me in this really condescending tone, and then sent me right to the back of that huge line. Meanwhile, I was literally in the midst of a bad anxiety attack.

And then I eventually got outside and had to call my mum to come and pick me up instead of just making my own way home like I usually do. She’s amazing though tbh because she actually came to get me and didn’t even question why. I had to skip all of my plans for the rest of the day and instead just hid upstairs in my bedroom with the lights off until the next day. I refused to tell any of my family members what had happened even though they kept asking. I just felt so, so awful, and my anxiety was through the roof

To be honest, before that happened, my mindset was like: “I mean, if I get outed, it obviously wouldn’t be good, but I think I’d be able to deal with it fine”. But then, when it actually happened, and I saw the way my close friend reacted, I had like a whole emotional breakdown lol. It’s like, you think you’d be fairly chill in a situation, but when it actually happens, your reaction can be really unpredictable. I was so embarrassed by everything about that entire incident. I didn’t even want to show my face the next day.

It’s been almost two months since that happened, and in that entire time, my friend has contacted me once. We literally used to meet up once or twice a week (and during lockdown, we’d do video calls or phone calls instead), but since then, we’ve barely even spoken. Things are just so awkward now. I know this sounds stupid, but I feel like TTB’s taken one of my best friends away from me. I don’t think he’s a homophobe or anything, he has openly gay friends and is fairly accepting, but I think it’s just the way that he found out that has just made things so weird between us now. I feel like if I’d had the chance to come out to him myself in my own way, he wouldn’t have reacted like that. But I’m gonna text him next week and see if we can maybe try to fix our friendship, but I doubt it at this point

The other people who were shown the email, I mostly just avoid. I don’t really care about them knowing that much because I wasn’t close to them, but it’s just really embarrassing knowing that they probably scrolled through my Tumblr blog before I scrubbed it

And about Tumblr… This used to be the only place that I could fully be myself. It was like a “safe space” for me which feels ironic now. But I haven’t been active on my blog since December. I still lurk occasionally, but I just don’t feel comfortable here anymore. I did consider deleting my current blog and starting afresh with a new one, but I don’t think it’d make much of a difference… Like she’s kind of ruined Tumblr for me. I do still enjoy reading people’s blogs every now and then, but I don’t feel relaxed here anymore, I just feel on edge.

It’s mainly the fact that SHE’S still here. She still has a platform, she still has a bunch of followers. It’s been so hard seeing her face next to no consequences whatsoever for the horrible things that she’s done to so many different people. And it upsets me that she hasn’t even acknowledged that what she did was wrong. Plus, it makes me feel even worse that the Hard Kay blogs and some other people are still supporting her and pretending that this whole thing just didn’t happen. Like do they just not care? Or is it that she’s twisted things and made them believe that the situation was different to what it actually was?

And tbh, this whole situation has even set me back in my own sort of personal self-acceptance journey. I had such bad internalised homophobia when I was younger, and it took me so many years to get to a place where I had mostly accepted myself. But now I just feel ashamed again, and I’ve gone back to my old habit of trying to force myself to be attracted to men. Like I downloaded Tinder the other day and set my preference to men and was swiping through profiles. It’s kinda silly actually. I did snap out of it and delete the app the next day though. But I don’t know, I feel like this whole thing has just kinda fucked with me a bit. I am trying to work this stuff out and get back to normal though. I think I’ll be good again in maybe a month or so, hopefully.

And… yeah. I just really resent her, and this situation upsets me. Because the reason she did this was so petty and ridiculous, and I guess she didn’t even realise how much it would impact people? Like I do know that my situation wasn’t as bad as some of the other people’s situations, and I feel really bad for them, and I hope they’re all doing okay. I can’t imagine what it must have been like for them. But it still has impacted me a lot more than I actually thought it would. I thought I’d get over it within a couple of weeks. But it’s been like two months, and I’m still not completely over it

I know it might not sound like a huge thing, but being outed really does affect you, even if it’s only to a few people. Because to me, I feel like I’ve had my sense of like, security and comfort taken away, and it’s kinda distressing. Sorry if I sound dramatic with any of this, I just really needed to say all of this stuff to other people besides myself lol

Like her actions have literally led to me being outed to a few people. A close friendship that I had has basically been ruined. I don’t feel comfortable or secure on Tumblr anymore, even though it used to be an important outlet for me. I’ve had a resurgence of anxiety about my sexuality. Etc.

And again, my dad is extremely homophobic and literally made death threats to me and physically attacked me back when I accidentally came out to him in 2018 or 2019. And if he had gotten that email, I don’t even know what would have happened. I don’t think he would have like… SERIOUSLY physically harmed me, but there would definitely have been a repeat of the first incident. More throwing chairs at me and hitting and screaming and death threats. I don’t really want to think about it.

It just bothers me that she didn’t even consider that? Like did it not even cross her mind? And my dad is bad, but I’m sure there are people in the fandom who have even worse parents, and she could have got one of those people instead. It’s just so… I don’t know, it’s just so frustrating to me.

Anyway, I just hate her for what she did… Like maybe I shouldn’t, but I really do resent her so much, and I don’t think I could forgive her even if she apologised to us all (which I don’t think she even would because she doesn’t seem to have any decency whatsoever). The least she could do is at least express some kind of remorse, but she just genuinely doesn’t care, and that’s super messed up. All over some stupid Tumblr blog that is much less important than she thinks it is.

But anyway… I apologise for the whole rant, and if anybody read all the way down to here, I appreciate it. I do actually feel a bit better now that I’ve got this all typed out. And I’m sorry for the oversharing lol, I usually don’t do this, but I just felt like I really needed to tell people and get it off my chest so that I can try to get over it — L

submisssion⬆️⬆️⬆️

ok L i am trying to remain calm here because this isn’t about me.  but i am very emotional right now.  i am so so so infinitely sorry that you had to go through this harrowing and terrifying experience.  ttb (now blogging under spade-riddles) is absolutely disgusting, lower than dirt, that she would put your life, safety, and well-being at risk over a fucking kaylor blog.

please please please im me or get in touch somehow because i want to offer you support.  have you been financially impacted by this?  we can raise money.  do you need therapy?  we can help you find the support you need.  this community is unequivocally here for you.  whatever you need, if it’s in my power to help you get it, i will.  you have my solemn promise on that.

i am so deeply and desperately sorry that you have gone through this.  i was shaking while reading your story.

i am in touch with other people and we are in discussion about the best way to let tumblr know what happened.  this will be a safe space for you (and all of us) again if it’s the last thing i do.  this community is 100% here for you in any way we can help, sending you all the support and love we have.