#i promise im trying to do good 3< /div>
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Shoot to thrill, play to kill
Too many women with too many pills, yeah
Shoot to thrill, play to kill
I got my gun at the ready, gonna fire at will, yeah
#call of duty#cod#cod mwii#mwii#alejandro vargas#call of duty fanart#los vaqueros#postal 4#to any unfortunate soul that sees this im srry#i promise im trying to do good </3#also hii cod tumblr :D#hopefully u enjoy my shit since i'll probably start posting more CoD a lot <3#also try not to question the lyric choices#it took too long to choose smth and im not proud of it 😔
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[id in alt]
some idw redraws
#i spent way too long trying to figure out sonic's quills#monotoneart#sonic the hedgehog#sonic#shadow the hedgehog#silver the hedgehog#sonic idw#ive read the first 2 volumes of idw so far. theyre such a delight :]#i do kinda rant below about my 2 sticking points so far (specifically about team dark in the metal virus arc) so uh. sorry#omega not caring about shadow when he gets zombotted kinda bugs me ngl#like bro that's ur teammate yall did so much together do u not care abt any of that.#sega give omega more personality than just ''kill eggman robots''#and the way the others talk about shadow and say ''oh he doesnt care im surprised he cares''#...well sonic says that and i... guess shadow could come off that way to him. ehhhhh.#i would think sonic would understand his deal though.#''oh more people saved means less zombots to deal with'' what!! it's more than that!!!#guy made a promise to protect the planet!!! that would include the people!!!#more people saved means just that: more people saved!!!#he's a ''the means justify the ends'' kinda character but that don't mean he's heartless#rouge girl u should know better!! you're like one of the only people he talks to relatively regularly!!#takes a deep breath. ok im good now. everything else about idw so far is cool. i love whisper n tangle.#cant wait to finally get to surge and kit#OH YEAH ALSO i watched wild robot and it was so extremely good. i cried <3
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lemongrab (Starts vibrating so hard i explode)
i do think pb is calm now but i dont think she likes wizards. i dont know. i dont know. and i saw how she treated lemongrab, she didn't really like him either. like. you all saw that. peps didnt want to see that he didnt want to think about it at the time, how they were treating the actual literal heir to the throne and also just how they were treating this man, he didn't realize. he didn't. and now. and . dont .get me talking about lemongrab. or i will talk. for ever
pep: you ate your brother lg: lg: you won't have that problem pep: i could eat you lg: try it
#says shes better but you know. pep can tell theres something going on. theres something Wrong#she insists hes not doing anything wrong and she supports him!! but he can TASTE it. in there. in her words.#lemongrab is not a very gentle person but he is kind. and he is a father. and he wants so badly to be a good sibling.#adventure time#distant lands#lemongrab#peppermint#digital#lemon kids#well one of them. im sorry he looks so much like larry in some ways.#this is the first time lg has called pep his sibling hes like (mid meltdown) IM YOURWHAT..... <3#long post#its so tall.#i need to stop drawing ppl on benches. until i learn to draw benches.#she always knew peps was a magic user but it was more of a background Hes An Adult He Does What He Wants thing#and now he needs money for schoolbooks. so he has to see that Look in her eyes. im making it weird arent i#sorry pb fans im really mad at her about lemongrab and it poisons every interaction i have with her character#she really is trying. i promise. you just wouldnt know it from talking to lemognrab or pep.
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PLS PLS IM BEGGING UPDATE COLLARS AND CAGES PLSSSSSS IM GONNA CRY THE CLIFFHANGER OF CHAPTER 4 PLSSS UPDATE IT
no
#okay but seriously#im sure you didnt mean to be rude#but im genuinely struggling so much with my physical and mental health#i can barely use my right hand at all#and some days i push myself through to try and write and you know what??#it makes my wrist worse#and yet every day i sit with this guilt and pain bcs im not doing enough#not writing enough#not good enough#and its not like i have my usual outlets to relieve stress#so yeah#ill update at some point i promise#its coming#but i literally struggle to physically type because i have one hand and one finger#and then wrist pain#and shoulder pain#and i was just SICK#like im trying my best i swear <3
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Magneto would love lumpia meanwhile Charles would have his Bibingka and Puto Bungbong hehe
Happy Holidays!
asks that remind me my bitchass friend kayla promised to make me *puto two years ago and she still hasnt
*puto is a filipino rice cake i do know it also means 'bitch' in spanish we do not have to address that thank you
#snap chats#'snap is the disclaimer necessary' every single time i mention 'puto' i get people clutching their pearls yes it is necessary vjAVKJ#LIKE I GET IT. CAN WE TALK ABOUT RICE CAKES NOW im hungry ...#kayla always gets beef from me but esp with puto and i only mention this when it was promised two years ago#cause SHE will always bring it up like 'oh yeah i still have to make you puto' bitch just forget it ive made it three times since then 😭#PUTO ISNT EVEN HARD TO MAKE LEGITIMATELY YOU JUST MAKE THE BATTER AND PUT IT IN THE SHIT AND STEAM IT#add a slice of cheddar on top if youre feeling especially nasty .... its so good .... anyway ..... rice cake ... i love it ...#i havent had bibingka in so long tho im PISSED. you know what else is really good tho cassava cake .. thats not rice but. lol#i never get to have filipino food on account of my mom hating cooking anything that isnt tiramisu knock offs#she really doesnt make filipino food she hasnt for years. my dad always does tho ..... whatever ....#i could always cook it myself of course. yeah... im lazy ill admit it you got me 😔#oh my god no you know whats great for the winter tinola I LOVE. chicken tinola so much#funny enough i learned how to make it when i was in the hospital from a filipino girl 🥰 we did not speak anymore after that interaction.#Also funny my fam and i were just talking about getting lumpia for christmas since theres like one (1) filipino place vaguely near us#'you guys dont make it??' on account of the fact im too lazy to make wrappers and no store near us sells any no <3#i did make lumpia myself once tho when we Did have wrappers after drivign out an hour to an asian market once#not to brag but they were pretty delicious ..... anyway ..#oh my god fuck me theres this like. speaking of rice cakes again JALKJKALJ theres this one with this delicious coconut sauce#BIKO IT'S BIKO its literally glutinous rice steamed in banana leaf with latik. UGH SOOO yummy ..... i dont have banana leaves anymore tho :#OH YOU KNOW WHATS ALSO GOOD FOR THE HOLIDAY lechon. that was my fave part bout goin to my dad's christmas parties#they had this big ass pig and i loved the ear .... crunchy as hell and so good 🤤 i havent had it in at least a decade tho..#now im hungry. and homesick. 'homesick for yoru dad?' homesick for my dad <- literally just saw him#well i get to see him again thursday :) goin to the doctor... gonna get my medicine again life is gonna be SO good !!!!!!#i have rambled far too long . happy holidays my friends !!!! do try to make puto this season ... very simple and very tasty .......
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mr. hi
#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#ryu ga gotoku ishin#ryu ga gotoku 3#yakuza series#yakuza 3#like a dragon ishin#yoshitaka mine#toshizo hijikata#snap sketches#my wrist feels a lil better so of course i said 'i should devise a way to draw in a way that wont shatter my limbs'#i keep flip flopping with this goddamn pen i promise i just cant decide if i want translucent lines or not#when im trying to draw lighter it def helps but idk if i'd like how it'd look for comics#thats my main thing i feel like i need two different pens for comics and just drawings like these#IDK my main goal is to not put so much pressure on my hand since thats my biggest problem#i did p good in going light this time around but again idk how ima do for more 'focused' drawings#since this really was the truest form of sketch/doodle#idk. anyways ima go think of drawin a third comic to that masada| shit BYE
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i need to remember that i can become gayer if i pass my exams, which is a bigger motivator than just not wanting to redo them next year
#i told myself that i can get my eyebrows pierced IF. i passed all my exams last semesterr. which i didnt :3#i only failed like 2/6 which given the mood i was in during that entire time is GOOD.#but yeagh the promise of allowing myself to look cool couldnt pass the exams that time so were trying againn o7#and tbf i do think these subjects are easierrr but also. i deserve it.#if i dont pass all of them this semester it goes over onto the next BUT TTHEN.#id have to wait a while bc i am NOT piercing them over summer break when ill probs be camping for 3 weeks.#even during our canadatrip this summer i got too scaredy of my transverse lobe that i already had for like 6months soo =3=#i dont wanna do that#ohohhhhh i am already scaredy of it easily rejecting bc my transverse lobe left so early butt i think i can do proper management this timee#aka. fidgeting less and not. sleeping on them. :3#im so good at piercing care /s =w=bbb i totally am not currently having trouble with my 1year old second lobee :3c#whatevereee..#anyway. its 12pm lets actually get started on this studying thing and not use tumblr as an avoidant <3 save mee#sillyposting
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oh wait
so the random looking pillar egg thingies in the s2 map were because of mephone4 having the shimmer egg inside of him????
#i think I'm stupid. sorry I'm not good at theorising#im trying to make do until act 3 comes out im so impatient#hash tag sos#anyway. ART SOON I PROMISE I PROMISE#rambles
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#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/#but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment#i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating#there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2#months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it#not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him#in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to.#until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if#he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone#and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think#there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy#your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you)#and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly#so last night#i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text.#i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart#until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent#that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real#did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart#and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about#and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in#which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever#it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in.#just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the#reason that he went away on me.#im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying#not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me#that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest.#and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs#he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am
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why is life so hard
#for those who dont know i'm retaking med exams#because i didnt pass them last year#and im just so... sad#because it's never easy#why do all my friends get the life i dreamed of? and i stay here#1) i dont have a job 2) i live with my parents#3) my twin sister has a fianceé and lives in another country for gods sake#can you name a bigger disappointment? my TWIN sister#rock bottom. again.#i promised i wasnt going to let my emotions play such a big part again but#i just cant#it's inhumane#i do everything i can and i'm still dumb and i can't fix this#and it's not even that hard i'm just not good enough for this#sorry i needed to vent urgently#yes it's all i've wanted and all i've dreamed of#so i'll keep trying but wow. it breaks my heart#i studied so hard. for so long. i did everything i could. it's such a hard lesson#sometimes it's not enough#sometimes it doesn't happen because I physically can't push past my intelligence#i'm simply not intelligent for this#i know i'm victimizing myself but wow i wanted it so bad#i spent days dreaming about it and nights studying#and to see friends get positions i wanted just breaks my heart#always watching never participating#yes i've learned when I was 13 i was way less intelligent than my sister but still#this was such a different path from hers and i still couldnt do it#now i have no idea what to do because it's a fortune every year to pay for these exams#and i dont know if theres anything else i could do#sofia rambles
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drawing for a scene in the TME light novel (specifically, Paris helping out Lyla!!).
I drew this scene immediately after I read it because oh my god of all the things I was expecting from Paris's first introduction, him lending a (unneeded) helping hand to Lyla was NOT what i thought his first introduction would be like
#ik the anatomy for Tyrone is kind of fucked up but drawing this exact pose like what I saw in my mind is hard TwT#TME LN#the mighty extra#Lyla de Belliana#Tyrone de Belliana#Paris Valerian#i had to reread this scene like 3 times but hoo boi do i ADORE the way Paris appears in the background#i have a feeling im going to adore the light novel version of him lmao#so far he reads as being a trickster and i LOVE tricksters#not that he isn't technically a trickster in the manhwa canon but based on the tiny context in the LN he's mischievous af#i haven't read past this part yet but im wondering if Paris helped Lyla because of Fian#or if he helped Lyla because of Helene#because i can see him helping out Lyla due to knowing she's important to Helene#and there's a possibility he's already met Helene and is allied with her#or he's acting on behalf of Fian#which makes less sense in the context of the light novel than in the manhwa bc there's literally no suggestion Paris would know that Lyla i#Fian's “fairy” and therefore he has no reason to help her#so im putting my bet on him helping out Lyla either due to a promise with Helene or because he wants to get on Helene's good side#(and ngl i kind of hope for the latter)#(tho this scene alone made my brain go “okay but what if Paris adopted Lyla as his little sis in law”#because#you know#he resembles IRL!Lyla a lot and i think it's easy to mistake them as siblings if you put em side by side#which would be funny if that's intentional but i do not think so)#also on a non-Paris related note Tyrone gets an interaction with Helene in the light novel and i actually enjoyed it#the manhwa ignores the fact these two are fully blood-related but seeing Tyrone be scolded by Helene really gave them the feel of being sib#and i like how there's a little more depth to him in the LN than in the manhwa#like how he's trying to study the laws and being a political diplomat#i still like him the least of the named Belliana siblings but he's a little less one-note here and im enjoying that lmao
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Took twice the max dose of melatonin before the final revision for tomorrow’s exam, I’m shitting my pants and I genuinely don’t know anything as thoroughly as I should but if I sleep less than 4 hrs before it I just know I’m gonna do even worse somehow
#don’t take twice the max dose of anything btw#genuinely don’t do the shit that I do#i only did it bc I know my limits and haven’t had any other substances in over 24 hrs but don’t ever try it#always talk to your gp before taking any meds and supplements at all#anyway psa aside#I want to revise for two hrs so until 1.30am circa but I genuinely hope I pass out sometime in the next hours and a half#godspeed ig#uni#melatonin#I have super high expectations but I genuinely prepared this exam in like 4 days and my brain has been all over the place#haven’t had the chance (economic too so please please consider sparing a couple of bucks for my ko-fi?) to meet my therapist in 2 weeks#been super suicidal super busy dealing with stuff and people and my family and uni and ah oh how I wish I had a brain able to focus#also the ‘visions of horror’ as I call them have lowkey turned into auditory hallucinations that never stop and it’s… tough#genuinely so tired of everything in general#I’d promised to hang with my uni friends after the exam bc I should be done my midday tops but I know im gonna be super sad and underwhelme#so I hope I can be at home by 4 pm tops with one excuse or the other#I love them all so much but I need a break. also bc I got another exam in less than a fucking week and I still haven’t started studying for#it because it’s objectively easier than tomorrow’s and because when was I supposed to study for it#I spent 3 good days working on a paper that isn’t even mine for a subject I don’t even take#a favor for a friend which turned into 3 more friends asking me if I could help them with theirs#and you know me#I never say no. unfortunately. but also I’m super glad they want my help bc they know I can write at least (one good thing)#but. that’s still -3 days available#then. the demons#wasted so many hours just pacing and biting my nails raw and being pathetic#so yeah. in a little under 15 hrs I want to be in bed again. resting until the 19th when the cycle will begin anew#also math ain’t mathing. my exam is in 12 hrs only now 13.
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i held a man’s hand today
#this has been in my drafts since the 10th so please forgive me on the late update i’ve been Busy ™️#it all started on the weekend FG dropped me off at my choir performance for school and i’d been running around all day so i was all 😵💫 tryi#to do everything in a timely manner and he was such a big help driving me around everywhere and stuff so sweet 🥰 and as i was outside the#theatre he was handing me something? i can’t even remember rn and he was like you’re going to do great all that good pep talk stuff and as i#was reaching for what he had in his hand i kinda just kept my hand there and he did too but i had to go so i just left and then he picked me#up after and that was that and then on sunday we we hanging out and i just went out and said it bc ya girl is no coward 😤 i said “i wanted#to do something yesterday’ and he said “’ok?’ and i was like i wanted to hold your hand and he asked why didn’t you? ‘bc i was nervy 😣’ and#then after some back and forth small joking he just took my hand and we held them in silence for a bit and i was explaining how im in my#head a lot and i’m really trying to not do that anymore esp with him and he was rubbing 👏🏾 my 👏🏾 hand 👏🏾 with 👏🏾 his 👏🏾 THUMB 👏🏾#LIKE ANSJDKKFKFKFKLLDJCNCNJDJENNXXJJD#you see normally that makes me reeeallllyyt ticklish but it was so soothing i could’ve fell asleep right then and there i promise you and he#was so gentle with his voice and omgoodness this man#so then i had to go and he was like yk you’re going to have to let go bc there’s no way im letting go 😭😳🙄 LIKE SIR#but ya that’s the latest update 🫣#mutuals my beloved <3#vk overshares in the tags#friendly giant ™️#fg
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*dusts this blog off* Christ its been a while huh.
#freelance work has slowed down a bit#Im not any closer to getting out of Florida than I was when I started though#Im currently trying to figure out what to do creatively since this Isnt Working#I want to make things for myself that make me happy but I also want to make money so I can be happy in the long term#like id be so good for my mental health if i didnt live in a state that wanted to kill people like me <3#ANYWAY I kinda want to do something but I also dont want to throw a promise into the void if things dont work out
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#i dont even have any excuses man i just forgot about alastor </3#i forgot about tumblr. i forgot that this website existed#and now im like now what. now what do i do with this blog#hes been inactive for over half a year. do i even remember how he behaves#theres a lot of shame here every1. this guy used to be my little skrunkly my meow meow#and today i opened tumblr by accident and his little face stared at me from my icon like 'where have you been'#and i didnt have a good answer#im sorry? :( i wont say hes abandoned but i also cant promise ill be around much. ykwim#ill try?????????????#WEH#⌜ 🚮 OOC ! ⌟
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just saw someone think aoki could top. Have never thought about it and never wanted to but never saw something so wrong
was that someone me cause it was probably me who said that
#nsff#snap chats#holding all of you at gun point to listen to me before sayin im being more delusional than usual HOLD ON#i dont think aoki TOP tops right but he'd ever bottom#the thing about aoki is that he's very passive and is passive about demonstrating power he has over people. USUALLY#he's not averse to reminding people lower than himself that he is their superior and that he's better than them in one capacity or another#moreover we know aoki despises losing control of situations and much prefers to#excuse the pun#be on top of everything#the thing bout masato/aoki is that he lures in people whether its with charisma or promise of power#then when he has someone he bites down when he can yk what i mean#its like when a toxic partner is nice at first and then is utterly deranged later on LOL#so whoever said aoki could top Which Again. Prob Me From One Of My 70 Alt Accounts </3 isn't wrong#i think the real crime here is trying to imagine aoki having sex with anyone LOL. MASATO however-- //is pulled outback and old yeller'd//#anyway i hate labels we know this and the only time id ever think of aoki/masat having sex is with da|go#and thinking of THAT is the hardest thing a man can do cause i refuse to see either of them bottoming#makes everything s damn complicated but i dont think anyone needs to hear bout my masada| sex hcs LMAOOOOO#it too damn early in the morning for this shit first i have to deal with rggtwt being RGGTWT and now we talkin bout aoki having sex 🧍♂️#i be tellin yall tho sometimes sex hcs can be a good way to review a chara... <- should eat lest the hunger deludes me more
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