#i promise eventually i’ll get back to my regularly scheduled posting

[starlit-writer]

i know that i am shouting into the absolute VOID about this but i am fucking terrified of the implications of the tiktok ban here in america.

i know it’s just an app. i survived the vine shut down where i was a creator that had 4 million+ followers, so it’s not about the app being banned. for me, it is entirely about the fact that this information highway and community that has been brought together in an entirely unique and important way in the last six years is now gone because people don’t understand what this app has truly become and are afraid of the community and the consciousness that has come with it.

was it parasocial as all hell? yes. was it cringe at times? yes. was it filled to the brim with brain rot and AI that at times it made my skin absolutely crawl? absolutely.

but the community that was formed there, the information that you could find so easily? that can never be replicated. that app helped so many people throughout the last six+ years, myself included. it gave me a place to process, to feel apart of something that i don’t know will ever come back.

and i know i’m screaming into a void. but if just one person sees this, and understands, and is terrified and worried and scared and any and all of the other emotions that you bet your ass i am also feeling, know you’re not alone.

but you and i? we have to be brave. we have to still stand up for everything that we have learned and believe in. we have to fight for what we know is right. and i know that’s scary. it’s always been scary. but i know in my heart of hearts that we can do it, and we will survive, and, eventually, we will thrive.

anyways. give yourself time to grieve, hug your friends (both virtual and in-person), and check in with your loved ones. your community is not gone. it’s just changed. even with everything going on, know that there are so many people in the world who care about you, who love you. myself included <3

[hey-cringelord]

sorry to the handful of kuroko’s basketball mutuals i’ve collected over the past few months, it seems you’ve caught me just as my dormant dimitri feelings once more decide to come to the surface and manifest as a blue lions replay

TBH the same thing happens with knb (annual rewatch is a legit occurrence) however i … well it is not that time of year. that’s my winter occasion

[strange-and-off-putting]

Smegtober Prompt 12: Promise

I'm working on catching up, but I'm going out of order. These will all show up on AO3 eventually, but I don't want to upload out of order, so when I've caught up and fill in the gaps, they'll be there. It's still the 13th in my time zone, so I am, like, 1 and a half prompts behind, lol. This one took the prompt real loosely.

For the first week, he tried desperately to recreate the situation that landed him on Mimas in the first place; pub-hopping, getting blind drunk, and hoping for the best, thinking that maybe whatever landed “Emily Berkenstein” on Mimas would land David Lister safely back at his home in Liverpool.  But after a week of waking up on the bathroom floor of a pub, under a bush by a bus stop, in hospital (twice), and in the drunk tank (no fewer than three times), Lister started thinking that maybe he needed to be a little more intentional with his plan.

So instead of leaving it to chance, he started simply sneaking aboard ships. Passengers vessels, though the most desirable, were far from the best option to sneak aboard; there was far too much gatekeeping, too many checkpoints, “where’s your ticket?,” “can I see your ID?,” and so on.  So Lister considered the next best thing – postal ships. The postal ships that docked at Mimas had the benefit of being direct flights and regularly scheduled; a fleet of hundreds in a constant rotation, from Earth to the Saturnian moon.  

And while the ships themselves were closely guarded, there were numerous post boxes throughout the city that no one gave a second thought to. So on the first night of his second week stranded on Mimas, instead of getting blackout drunk and hoping for the best, Lister got simply moderately pissed, picked a lock, and wedged himself into a post box.

It was only a few hours later, when the service courier came to retrieve the mail, that he opened the access door to the impressively contorted torso of Dave Lister.  

He recoiled quickly, then took a moment to process what he was seeing.  He gingerly pulled open the mail tray and peered inside.  A pair of brown, bloodshot eyes looked out at him, sheepishly. “Hello,” the courier said, awkwardly, not really sure what sort of greeting was appropriate for the situation. “Hey.” “Um… are you okay?” The courier shuffled on his feet.  He looked up, glancing left and right at the still bustling streets.  He was trying to gauge if anyone else was seeing this, though admittedly, given where they were, what was transpiring in front of him didn’t even breach the top five most scandalous things currently occurring in the immediate vicinity.  Lister's brow furrowed as he tried to shift his weight. “Uh, dunno?” he said, grunting against the tight confines of the post box.  ��Can’t feel much of anything below my belly button.  Right foot’s gone all staticky and honestly, I’m not sure what’s going on with my left.  I’m assuming it’s still there, since I ain’t gone nowhere.  Could you check?  I’d feel better if someone had eyes on it.” The courier blinks slowly, and kneels down. “It’s… yeah, it’s still there.” “Good,” Lister sighs relieved.  The courier crooks his elbow and rests against the top of the box, watching Lister. “Mate,” he says conspiratorially, “I think you may be drunk.” “Oh, I’m absolutely drunk,” Lister confirms.  He looks around the tight box and then down at his twisted body. “I am a little worried I may be stupid,” he admits.  “Uh… can you help me out of here?” — “I should call the cops, you know,” the courier says, sitting cross-legged on the ground, back up against the post box, as Lister sits beside him, massaging the feeling back into his legs.

“Technically, what you did is a crime,” he continues.  “Tampering with the mail and all that.” “I didn’t tamper with the mail,” Lister says, wincing at the pins-and-needles pricking painfully up and down his legs.  “I tampered with the box, yeah, I’ll give you that, but I didn’t touch the mail.” The courier takes a quick look back in the still open post box and eyes several crushed and crumpled parcels.  He sighs. “Look, what were you doing in there, eh?” He asks,  He looked Lister up and down. “Young bloke like you.  You get yourself in some trouble?” Lister snorts, pausing for a moment in his massaging.  He stares out at the street, at the strings of lights canopying the darkened alleyways and illuminating the writhing and undulating figures taking refuge in the shadow and sighs. “Long story,” he says quietly, rubbing feeling back into his feet.  “Short answer’s yes.” He sighs and pulls his knees to his chest, stomps his feet on the pavement, willing sensation back into them. “Stranded out here,” he says.  “Home’s back on Earth. Liverpool.  Promised myself I’d find my way back, find out what happened to my mates.” “Your mates?”  “Yeah, my friends.  Drinking buddies,” he explains.  “Went out for my birthday, got bsolutely wasted. I wound up here, but I was alone.  No idea where anyone else ended up.  Could all be back home in Liverpool wondering where the smeg I am.” He shrugs.  “Could be scattered all around the bloody solar system, wondering where each other is.  Gotta find out, you know?” “That’s a lot of pressure to put on yourself,” the courier says.  Lister shrugs. “Yeah, well, also promised them, didn’t I?  We all swore to help each other out of any scrapes we got into.” “Yeah?  You think they’re tying themselves in literal knots, like you, trying to find each other?” He shrugs. “Only promise I can keep is my own,” he says.  He grabs the post box and starts to pull himself up.  His ankles almost buckle, but he catches himself nd pulls himself to his feet.  He stomps his feet against the pavement.  He smiles at the courier in triumph, before it fades to something more like a grimace.  “So, you gonna call the cops, or…?” The courier is already on his knees, loading mail into his satchel.  He shakes his head, flattening out a letter with his hand.” “Nah,” he says.  “Place is a cesspool.  It’s a good night when no one’s pissed in one of these things.”  He looks up at Lister. "Might as well just take off, “ he says.  “Stay safe.” Lister laughs.  “Not my strong suit.” “Aye, well,” he sighs.  “Stay alive, then.” “Yeah, man,” he says, walking away, hands deep in his pockets.  “Always do.”      

[toodrasticallydumb]

20 questions for fic writers

Oh! Hello! I was tagged by @pinkytoothlesso11 ! Thanks for thinking of me pinky! I’m kinda new to the whole fanfic scene so i really appreciate it! This was already a long list of questions to begin with but i fear i may have made it worse…

OH WELL HAVE FUN SPORT :}>

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Unfortunately just 2, though I do plan to add a few more in the future as ideas flow. Might take me a minute ‘cause my schedule is just a little bit kinda sorta really swamped down with my main child which requires let me you, A LOT OF CARE DONT SIGN UP TO ADOPT KIDS PEOPLE IT’S NOT—

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

Phew. ummmm it changes very rapidly (because i’m a girl w suspected adhd and can NEVER be told to shut up) with every chapter but as of this moment is 228,665! wow! i don’t really know how great of a number that is but i’m sure it’s a lot! I told you I can never shut up! (-whispers- Hey kid, u want some dRuGs? i mean- an update? That itty bitty word count is about to take another not regularly scheduled mini-skyrocket so get ready for it ehehe ;})

3. What fandoms do you write for?

For now, just Trollhunters/Tales of Arcadia, mainly Trollhunters despite the fact that the first of the Tales of Arcadia shows that i watched and really enjoyed was actually 3-Below, but oh well my man is in Trollhunters sooooo oopsie but i DO have some random snippets of fics for Miraculous (rewrite), the Star Wars sequels (rewrite), Batman, some for the Dream SMP, and weirdly enough also Raya and the Last Dragon (rewrite). All of which i prolly wont ever post because i wrote them a while ago and yeaaaahhh not my best writing but if i get enough people other than my best friend wanting me to post them, i might…

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

uhhhh i dont actually HAVE five fics to my name, so i’ll just…put em in order (w their long-ahh title names):

Trollhunter!Strickler: Destiny's Ill-fitted Chosen

'A MiStAkE' because I haven't updated in ages--A Stricklake month 2023 prompt collection

but i am so happy for the people who have left so many kudos on my work it really warms mah little heart ❤️

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes. At first, I sorta struggled with it (who the heck am i kidding i STILL do) but since my fic USED to be two times a week updates i would feel like i couldn’t respond to a comment left after i posted a new chapter so i might’ve left some comments in the earlier days unanswered, super sorry. Nowadays i make it a point to reply back to everyone in the order that they commented in because (anxiety makes me think if i don’t respond they won’t comment anymore and know that i love reading their comments and that they’re so amazing for actually taking the time to write something back AND I DO LOVE IT I PROMISE IT JUST TAKES ME A WHILE TO RESPOND—) …because it’s pretty chill to geek out w em and see they liked stuff that i loved to write! I do have a backlog of comments to get to i just end up overthinking everything to match the person’s energy to be sure they know i love em.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Unfortunately, i haven’t actually finished a fully-fledged fic to say it has the angstiest ending bUt definitely a contender would be chapter 1 of my 2023 Stricklake prompt collection because i just leave it on the sad note and don’t do anything about it because angst and because spoilers for my actual story fic that will eventually make it to that point.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Happiest ending, huh? I like to say that most of the things i will/have chosen to write end happy/hopeful because i hate when books/tv shows end bittersweetly it’s like i have enough with life itself being bittersweet most of the time let me be happy LET THEM BE HAPPY. But that doesn’t exclude me from providing the proper banquet of angst that ends in caretaking, my absolute favorite trope.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Oh heck no. I would be devastated honestly, but thankfully everyone who comments is always the sweetest and kindest people ever and really encourage me to keep going, for that i am only thankful.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

No. Just no. I love romance but i am a minor, so i’ve never consumed smut nor intend to ever write it. Give me a soft romance and loving gestures, I can allude to greater happenings but not details.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I don’t, sorry. I don’t know something in me just doesn’t sit well with crossovers, for the life of me I don’t know why. Like genuinely i wish i could get into them but maybe it’s like food on a plate? i don’t like the foods touching each other so maybe the same rules apply??? yeah i’m drasticallydumb

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that i know of, no.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don’t believe so, and if someone did they’re in for a heck of a lot of work there…

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope! I’d like to sometime but i have no idea how one even goes about making a co-written fic, on top of which i am a very sporadic person in terms of motivation and random ideas produced by a song i’m listening to while writing.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

Stricklake obviously is a really big contender if not the winner, the ship that brought me to AO3, writing fanfics, and tumblr. But, if i had to pick other options i’d say Eugene and Repunzel from Tangled would be one of my ogs, another might be uhhh Chris and Aviva from Wild Kratts the og of the ogs.

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Chapter 3 of my stricklake 2023 prompt collection, it just has a lot of moving parts and me and my best friend are chronic procrastinators and with the month pretty far gone it might just end up sittin’ there for the foreseeable future 😞 but who knows

16. What are your writing strengths?

Phew, that’s a dozy mainly because i’m not super sure. I’d like to think one of my main strengths is descriptions and really putting you in the mind of the character, i don’t really like spelling things out and i like a little investigating to get you where u end up, u know? I like to think my writing FEELS a little more like a show on a page rather than a true book, most to blame would be my maladaptive daydreaming taking up a lot of time in my planning for my writing.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Ah. How the turn tables. I would say that my weaknesses in writing mostly consist of me going a little *too* far into detail on meaningless things or making it too convoluted for people to understand, sometimes spelling it out is better in certain scenarios and i just really need to get myself past that. Another one i would say is that i go REALLY into detail not only in a sentence/chapter sense but also a complete STORYLINE sense, i hate time skips and i shoot myself in the foot wanting to completely document every moment of everyday w a character and hence it seems like a lot of time in universe hasn’t gone by. Trying to improve and grow tho 💪

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Can’t wait to do more of it! Especially with Claire and her family (including NotEnrique) speaking spanglish w each other automatically mainly because i am hispanic and completely fluent in Spanish and live in a similar household so i just love to add a little ✨personalization✨ to my dialogue and interactions in that way. Other languages………….yeaaaahhh i’m not super good will prolly use google translate and hope.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Trollhunters, my gateway into AO3. HOWEVER. if you promise not to tell, the very first fandom i read/wanted to write a fanfic for was actually, as far as i can tell, Wordgirl. don’t ask why. don’t ask me how. it just kinda happened. But, officially, it’s Trollhunters. (maybe with a side of Warrior Cats).

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

Not hard at all! My pride and joy, my youngest baby in the grand scheme of my writing journey, Trollhunter!Strickler: Destiny's Ill-fitted Chosen! A surprise to absolutely NO ONE. It’s honestly so amazing to both write and see people read and enjoy as much as I do, he’s my little man ❤️ And doing so much rewriting and character growth and having so much written and planned for the future, it’s just my absolute fav

[melodygatesauthor]

Weekly Update

09/10/2023

Announcements/Reminders

BIG ANNOUCEMENT

It's happening, I'm slowing down a bit. I know a lot of you have already probably noticed, but damn, it had to happen eventually. I'm really struggling right now to feel inspired to write certain fics, especially when I feel obligated to (TFM, AYNM, e.t.c.) So this upcoming week I'm chasing the winds of inspiration.

I've done it before, and with 2 new blorbos (Duke Leto and Basil Stitt) I need to work with them so I can get back to your regularly scheduled programming. I also have a fic coming out for the month of October that I'd like to get working on so I'm going to loosely table the other fics very temporarily. If I feel inspired to work on them I will, but just...bear with me while I work through and keep following what makes me happy.

I'm sorry for doing that it's just what I need to do right now, I've been so busy I don't get a lot of time for the things I enjoy so I need to prioritize.

ART ANNOUNCEMENTS

I'm taking art commissions! - Pricing - Follow my art blog: @melodymakesart

My first NSFW drawing was supposed to come out tomorrow but it's just not ready. I'm still working diligently to try and get it done, but it will have to wait until later in the week.

Fic Updates

So as I said above, I'm a little all over the place right now. I'd rather not set myself up for failure so I'm not even going to try and figure our when I'm updating certain fics. Please just check out my WIP list to see what I'm currently working on!

You can find my current WIP list here

I WILL be working on cleaning out my inbox this week so bear with me while I do that! I still have a couple of 2k asks and some other odds and ends.

AI Character Bot Updates

I currently have the following bots on my list that I’m working on. If you have any suggestions or additions you’d like, please feel free to ask! I won’t make every single one I get asked for but I’ll make some of them as I get time!

DBF Jake and Steven (I already did Marc...did I ever post him? I thought I did but maybe not)

Patient Steven and Marc

Moon Knight Rescue scenario

Am I missing any? Don't see one on the list that you want to add? Send me an inbox or private message! No promises, but if I like the idea I'll make an AI bot.

If you already sent one in, please don't send in the same one twice, I probably already saw it I just haven't gotten around to it yet!

I think that's all for now! Much love!

Don't forget to follow my other blogs:

@melodymakesart - My art blog

@lockandkeynovel - The blog for my original fiction novel, Lock & Key

@melodyreadsfanfiction - The blog where I reblog works I intend to read, a good place for fanfic readers to follow!

@melodygatesupdates - This is where I'll reblog any chapter updates for my fics and whatnot. This is what I use instead of a tag list!

[natsugia]

I’ve been on a recent literati binge, obsessed with them, and stumbled upon your literati fic, “‘this is tailored made (so what’s the sense in waiting?)”, and wanted to say thank you so much for it. I can honestly say it took over my life for a brief 3 day stint and now, I’m yearning for more of them! YOU DID AMAZING! You gave them justice where the revival lacked. The closure desired from these two. It gave me so much pain and happiness, you wouldn’t believe it. I left reviews, ofc. I can’t thank you enough for how amazing that journey was for me, a delight, through and through. You are a marvelous and gut wrenching writer! You actually know these characters. Thank you so much, again, and I hope to see more from you! Will be checking out your other literati fics, indubitably!

🥰❤️ Thank you so much! The love for this fic has absolutely blown me away. I’m truly humbled and feel blessed to have you and others as such lovely amazing readers. And thank you for leaving a review. They mean the world to me. I’m completely backed up, but eventually I will respond to the rest of them, even the ones who have been waiting for a reply for like a year or two. I’m sorry! You’re not forgotten, I promise. Just overwhelmed with life. 😘 (@milothirst I haven’t forgotten about the Jess + sex post. Posting it soon!)

As for more in the universe, I have a small-ish follow-up I’m working on. TITM’s coming up on the 1k kudos mark on AO3 😱🤯, so I thought to maybe do a wedding sequel as a 1k celebration. I’m about 20% done with it at this point. Given how slow I am at writing with my hectic life schedule right now, we’ll see when I can get that out. Hopefully before summer of next year.

As for my other fics, I am still working on those as well. Next update will be for TWWCIL. I’ve got about 65% of the full story written, but of course it’s mostly towards the end. Once I finish fleshing out the middle, I’ll be able to rewrite chapter 4 and start a more regular update process. After that will be Chapter 8 of OSAS, the full story which has about 7 more chapters left to write before it is finally complete and we can post it regularly as well. And then I’ll post the 2 part Chilton AU, the Lit + cats au, and then finally the time loop AU I’ve been writing in my head for like four years.

So a lot of things to come. I just really need the time to be able to sit down and write. Thought I would have it this year, but my car got taken from me at the beginning of this year due to theft and vandalism, which was a huge loss cause my car IS my livelihood. I make majority of my money from driving gigs, and now that I’m spending about $500 a week with the rental I have while also making less money than before due to constraints of the rental program, it’s been a lot of expenses that I’m juggling at the moment. Once I’m able to buy a new car, I can go back to my ideal three day/weekend work week and get back to writing semi regularly.

I hope you’ll stay tuned. Feel free to come by here to chat or for any updates. I also recently made a Twitter (I HATE myself), so I’m gonna try and start posting more on there as well. Anon from months ago, if you’re still here, you can now find me @natsugia1 on Twitter. I should warn you though that my twitter will probably be a LOT more eclectic in terms of what I tweet on there, given what I’ve already been sucked into on that dumpster fire of a platform.

Wishing you a beautiful and wonderful summer. Sending you the QUEEN for Fun and Love and Life

[retrievablememories]

make a wish | lucas

title: make a wish pairing: lucas x reader genre: fluff, a little angst request: hiii! can i please request something for wayv lucas where you dont answer his calls or texts for a day because you and the other wayv members were setting up a surprise bday party for him. thank you! word count: 1.7k warnings: hmm none that i can think of... a/n: not sure if i like how this came out, let’s pretend i didn’t post it if it flops 🤡 i felt like this was maybe a little more ~angsty~ than it needed to be altho i wasn’t sure how else to maneuver the surprise bday thing without them blowing the cover lmao...also yea it’s not his bday anymore but life is busy lol

To: Y/N Helloo~~? Y/N, are you ever gonna answer me back?

Seriously, did I do something wrong…

If you’re mad at least tell me why.

Lucas knows you’re not in any kind of danger or distress because he’s seen you be active on your social media accounts, but he can’t understand why you haven’t answered a single one of his calls or texts. Especially since tomorrow is his birthday.

Lucas feels frustrated at not being able to get through to you, and none of the other members seem to know what’s going on even when he asks. They’re close enough to you to have your number and talk to you regularly, but they all claim they haven’t heard anything from you either.

Ten looks up from his phone, seeing Lucas standing in the middle of the room looking bewildered as he stares down at his own phone like it’ll give him an answer. “Maybe Y/N wants a break from you right now,” he suggests, which makes Lucas sweat a bit despite himself. Ten wouldn’t know that. Right? Unless you’d told him something to suggest that.

“Stop trying to destroy happy homes, hyung,” Xiaojun says. “I’m sure it’s not that. Maybe she just needs alone time. Everyone does sometimes.”

“I guess,” Lucas mumbles. But he also knows that you’d usually tell him in advance if that were that case—not just ignore him completely. He thinks about going over to your place to find out what’s going on, but if what Xiaojun said is true, it’d probably be better not to disturb you or make you upset. “Are you sure she hasn’t contacted any of you? You look like you’ve been texting someone all day.”

Lucas tries to lean over Ten and look at his phone screen, but Ten is faster and leaps off the couch and away from him. “Don’t invade my privacy! Stop before you see something you don’t wanna see.”

Xiaojun laughs from where he sits on the ground playing with Bella. “Yeah, remember last time? No one needs a recap of that.” Ten rolls his eyes at that.

Lucas throws himself over the couch where Ten just was, sighing deeply. “Sure, sure. I’ll just suffer here then, lost in the dark without a clue what’s going on...”

Xiaojun brings Bella up to the couch so she can peer up at Lucas with her huge dark eyes, resting her forepaws on his arm. The corner of Lucas’s mouth turns up in a smile and he reaches out to pet her soft furry head. Xiaojun grins when the other man does, and he presses his face into her fur.

“I promise tomorrow will be better. It’s your birthday, after all...just watch.”

Despite Xiaojun’s reassurance, Lucas feels even more uncertain when he wakes up the day of his birthday, especially when he has no idea what the day has in store.

The other WayV members had all left the dorm early in the morning with the reasoning that they had individual schedules or needed to run urgent errands. Though they gave him their birthday wishes and said they’d come back as soon as possible so they could all celebrate, Lucas was more than a little disappointed about being left alone on his birthday. At least he had the pets to keep him company...and the manager and dorm auntie. Although they were nice to have around, they weren’t exactly who he was expecting to spend the day with.

He spends a while throwing toys around for the cats and Bella to play fetch with as he lies on his stomach on the floor, his phone a few feet away from him in case someone decides to call. Maybe someone like you.

Lucas tries a few more times to get in touch with you and still can’t get through, which makes him even more stressed than he was yesterday. Maybe the situation is something more serious than he initially thought? But still, you retweeted a couple things on Twitter just that morning, so it can’t be anything dire or life-threatening.

Lucas tries not to let his feelings bleed into bitterness, though he thinks you’ve picked a fine time to suddenly want to be isolated from everyone else.

A couple hours pass, but the time seems to go even slower than humanly possible. When even the pets become tired of the games and decide to wander off or take a nap, Lucas finally decides to just get dressed and go find something to do on his own for today; he doesn’t know what just yet, but there must be something to do. Just as he’s leaving the dorm, something happens that he previously thought was impossible; he gets a text from you.

From: Y/N Yukhei!! Can you come over?

To: Y/N ?? After ignoring me for a day and a half?

From: Y/N Please. It’s important.

I promise I will make it up to you, but you have to come over right noww 🥺

To: Y/N 😪 Fine, I’ll come over

Lucas makes it over to your place not too long after he finishes texting you. He’s not sure what to expect or what you’ll have to say to him once you see each other—or what he’ll say to you. His interest is piqued even more when he gets a text from you as he’s making his way up the stairs to your apartment.

From: Y/N Just come on in, the door’s unlocked. I’m a lil busy so I can’t get it myself!!

“Busy with what?” Lucas says to himself out loud. Now more curious than he was before, he continues up the stairs until he’s at your door. When he pushes it open, he’s taken aback by the sight of you and the other WayV members standing in front of the entryway.

You’re standing in the middle of them all, holding a cake with lit candles on it and smiling widely at your shocked boyfriend. “Surprise!” you and the other men exclaim all at once. “Happy birthday, Yukhei!!”

Lucas freezes in the doorway with a growing smile on his face, looking at all of you—and your surroundings—incredulously. Your apartment has been done up rather extensively with birthday banners, balloons, streamers, and every other kind of decoration you’d expect to see at a birthday celebration. 

You all sing happy birthday to him then, and he watches you and his friends with his eyes sparkling with delight and a bashful smile on his face.

“Wait...is this why you wouldn’t answer me back?” A laugh slips out of him as he covers his mouth, and he feels a bit silly, like maybe he should’ve seen something like this coming. Obviously, you’d never freeze him out on a day like this without a really good reason for it. “Y/N, you did all this for me?”

“Of course! I mean, the guys helped with decorating and setting everything else up ‘cause it was hard to do all that and bake a cake—but you know what I mean.”

Lucas leaves the entryway and steps forward now, still grinning widely. “Wah, you guys told me you didn’t know anything!”

“It wouldn’t be a surprise anymore if we told you.” Hendery laughs.

“Sorry we kept you in the dark for so long, hyung,” Yangyang chimes in, “but as you can see, we did a really good job putting everything together. So it paid off!”

“Now, blow out your candles,” you tell Lucas, bringing the cake forward.

Lucas shakes his head in happy disbelief as he looks down at your creation and chuckles to himself. “You must’ve really worked hard on this...I know baking isn’t your favorite thing to do.”

You laugh sheepishly. “Yeah, well, it took a few failed attempts to get this result, that’s for sure.”

Lucas thinks to himself for a moment, then closes his eyes and blows out the candles. Everyone claps and cheers after he does, and his answering grin is possibly the sweetest thing you’ve seen all day.

Sicheng grins mischievously and suddenly breaks up the moment by saying, “Now, can we eat?”

The rest of the day is spent with you all talking about any and everything, playing games, and watching movies, which eventually ends up with everyone falling asleep in various spots of your living room. You and Lucas got the honor of taking the couch, with Kun squeezed in beside Lucas and currently knocked out, head leaning against the back of the couch.

You and Lucas are the only ones still awake, although it probably won’t be long before you’re off to dreamland too. You can feel yourself getting sleepier, though you try your best to stay conscious. Lucas glances down at you where your body rests in his arms, and he grins to himself, placing his lips on the top of your head for a gentle kiss.

“I want us to stay like this forever, you know. Just the two of us,” he whispers close to your ear.

“Me too…” you murmur, already half-asleep against his chest despite your best efforts.

“It’s what I wished for.”

You perk up a little at that and swat at his arm where it’s wrapped around you. “Noo, don’t tell me or it won’t come true!”

Lucas giggles, and his laughter makes your body shake.

“You don’t have to worry about that when it’s already fated.”

[narrators-journal]

I’ll send a post card

Content warning: I forgot to put this in the last part, but this part includes phone sex and blueballing

Previous: here

Beginning: here

As if to punish Ango for that night in the bathroom at work, Taneada strolled over to his desk a few days later to talk to him about some paperwork he wasn't clear enough on, which instantly set off alarms in the brunette's head. Then, he dropped the facade of nonchalant work chatter and finally confirmed the brunette's worst fear.          "Listen, I know you're already trying to catch up after your 'break', but I need you to do a certain job for me." It may have been blatant that he wasn't the most thrilled with this news, because his boss pat his shoulder reassuringly, "Not to worry, it's a small job. I just need you to fact check an item that's said to have heavy ties to a certain rat." Taneada's smile was friendly, but Ango could tell he really didn't get a choice. So, instead of arguing, he just agreed and noted down his departure time the next day. After that, he seemed to go into his usual auto-pilot, not really zoning back into reality until he was on the plane, his head resting on a neck pillow with his glasses in one hand and his other massaging the bridge of his nose where his glasses usually sat. It gave him a bit of much needed relief in such a familiarly stressful situation. He hated it, but at least he could nap on the plane, so that was a plus, however, he also couldn't call you on the plane, so there was a downside. In fact, he couldn't call you for most of the day when he finally landed a while later in the bitter chill of Russia. He would've called or messaged you when he got to his hotel room, but he didn't get a moment to. Instead, he was only allowed to put his bags in the room and fish out a thick winter coat and gloves before he was back out in the weather, heading off to the towns government branch building to inform his contact that he'd arrived and to fill out the appropriate paperwork to permit him use of his power. He was thankful that at least the building had heat, so he wasn't stuck becoming a popsicle while the polar-bears-for-natives snickered, but he never enjoyed the paperwork for temporary power usage. Of course, Ango never complained. Russia simply had a much stricter grip on the citizen's powers, they had to fill out forms informing the government of their abilities, how they worked, and so on, and weren't allowed to use their abilities without the paperwork Ango was now sat at a desk filling out, so for work, school, medical reasons, whatever situation called for a power. It was kind of like America's gun laws, but much stricter, something the government official appreciated as much as resented for it's thorough nature and how useful it could be when it came to keeping track of people. Of course, the brunette wasn't exempt from this rule, since he would be required to use Discourse on Decadence for his work he spent a good chunk of the remaining day filling out the appropriate paperwork for a temporary permit. Once he was done with that though, he was sent back to his hotel. The sun had already gone down by the time he was back in his room, but he decided to risk the fucked up time zones to talk to you. He missed your humor, voice, and playful demeanor. What could he say? He'd grown fond of having someone to call and at least inform that he was okay.        "Hello?" You chirped through the line, your voice making the man smile a bit,        "Uh, hi, I was just wanting to call and tell you that I'm off on a job, so I'll be gone a few days, but I'm fine." He assured, working on making a cup of coffee while he held his phone with his shoulder and talked to you.         "Oh! That's where you went," you hummed, "Well, where are you in the world?"        "I can't tell you, it's kind of classified, but just know that I am alive and well, and I will eventually be home." He could hear your hum turn into a grumpy huff, making him smile a bit, "I'd tell you my location if I could," He promised, and that seemed to sate your curiosity for a bit. After that, Ango just sat on his hotel bed, sipping his coffee, fishing his laptop out of his bag to work as he spoke with you until you went to bed for the night. After that, Ango sent his first daily progress report back to headquarters and tried to go through some of the relaxing and destressing techniques his therapist had taught him. He also looked into hobbies for himself, something simple and portable to deal with his anxiety towards not being productive 24/7, then, he too went to bed for the night. The next few days were full of work for Ango, made only slightly better by the rituals his therapist had encouraged him to do, but the true bright side of his day was the few times he could text or call you, even if he fell asleep during your conversations. Nevertheless, he found he enjoyed having someone to talk to, someone to fall asleep on the phone with. He had never actually had that.            "Are you going to fall asleep on the call again?" You asked with a snort while Ango walked into his hotel room after another long day of pushing his power to the limits and taking in all of the information he could from the artifact Taneada suspected was tied to the agency's biggest threat at the moment.           "Well, would you prefer I have a healthy sleep schedule, or return to my old habits of staying up for three days straight and then eventually crashing?" He asked, taking his glasses off for the night and stretching out on the hotel bed,            "Damn, when did you stay up for three days straight?"            "It was actually a pretty common occurrence not too long ago. I've told you how I'm a workaholic, right?" He heard your little noise of agreement, "well, before my break, I would take that to the extreme. I would regularly stay up for two or more days straight to work, scrambling to meet impossible deadlines and just file reports or whatnot." he sighed as he explained it, remembering all of the times Taneada would stack more paperwork on him just as he finished the last pile, pushing him to stay up and finish it so that none of it was filed late. It was a miracle he never screwed up on the filing.           "That doesn't sound healthy, I'd prefer you not do that again." you said, pulling him back to reality, "I just want to talk to you and not have you pass out just before I initiate something." He could hear the pout in your voice, and he already knew what you had been wanting to initiate.           "Well, go ahead and initiate your idea now, that way I can't fall asleep before you get the chance." He offered, and he could almost hear your smirk. For a moment, you chatted nonchalantly, flirting and slowly escalated the conversation while he slowly turned redder, but flirted back. It was pretty relaxing to just flirt and lay on the hotel bed with nothing but the closet light illuminating the small room for a while, it also didn't hurt that your dirty talk was easily stirring up filthy images and scenarios in his head. The image of you grinding against his groin like you promised to, having you kissing his neck, the fantasy alone brought his blood directly to his member, but your coy hum while you described everything you wanted to do when he got back just threw gasoline on the fire. Almost mindlessly, his hand slid to the growing tent in his pants, palming himself while you described just how badly you wanted him. In return, he slipped in his own ideas on what would happen when he returned from his trip. He was a bit clunky at first, from a mixture of building pleasure and just plain inexperience, but he got the hang of it pretty quickly and tried not to linger on his mistakes, it'd ruin the high he was trying so hard to maintain. Thankfully, you seemed a little too preoccupied to heckle him about his awkward attempts, too busy assumedly playing with yourself like he was, which he could tell from the way you moaned or got breathy when you spoke. It was a sign he was sure you could hear in his own voice whenever he talked about what he'd do in response to your ideas, but he didn't care. So long as he had the mental image of your (s/c) body against his, with the thought of your moans being heard in person and not through a phone, he couldn't seem to focus on much of anything else, let alone how shameful he may have sounded.                "Are you close?~" You breathed, just as Ango was beginning to slip his hand down his pants to properly stroke his aching member, getting a hum of agreement in response. He expected you to say something dirty, maybe ask if he was thinking of cumming inside of you, but instead of any further dirty talk, he heard you let out a little breath and say "Great, I'm gonna go to bed now~" before hanging up abruptly. For a moment, he just laid there, listening to the silence before his hormone-addled brain caught up to what happened.             "Oh, you are so fucking dead." He growled, yanking his hand from his pants and going to get some toilet paper to wipe it clean before messaging you. Ango: Excuse me?? (y/n): Lol, you're excused🙂 Ango:  Why'd you hang up? (y/n): To blueball you, of course, lolol. That way you're good and riled up when you get home~ Ango: I am not neglecting myself that long. (y/n): Well than, you've got some photos, but until you get back, you don't get to hear me orgasm❤️ For a while longer, he tried to convince you to get back on a call with him, but you were annoyingly stubborn. He was going to need to wait if he wanted any further assistance from you.

[noahreids]

Hi friends, anyone still here? I’m terribly sorry for pretty much disappearing and dropping the ball on... everything? If you’ve sent an ask, I’ve seen it and I promise I will get to it. I swear I will catch up and finish my noah-a-day-may posts and after June 11th I should be back to my regularly scheduled nonsense. I’m just very suddenly back at work after being off for 14 months, and also trying to keep up and complete my last class. It’s been a lot. 

But— i’m sitting in bed with some chips right now, I have at least one Noah set to post tonight and yeah... I’ll get to it all, eventually. Much love!

[our-time-is-now]

July 4, 2019: A 57-minute delay

(previous play)

You can find more information about the authors, translators, content warning and additional information about the plays in the pinned post on  our blog.

Thursday, 1:57 pm:

Matteo: *they have spent the night at David's and spent their morning mostly lazing about in bed* *they eventually got up, after all, showered and ate something* *now they are back in David's room* *David is sitting at his desk and is doing some research again about his new university and the courses he can take* *Matteo is lying on the bed playing with his phone* *then gets a message from Hans asking whether David and he are coming to the flatshare today because he has baked a cake* *looks up at David* Hans baked a cake and wants to know if we'll come over today... I'll tell him yes, right? Or do we have any plans today?

David: *looks up from his laptop when he hears Matteo's words and smiles* Cake sounds good... *then thinks for a moment if there's anything scheduled for today and quickly glances at the date on the laptop and then at the time with some panic* Oh crap... *briefly runs a hand through his hair in confusion* I've got a doctor's appointment in an hour... *is glad that at least he’s already showered* But afterwards I'd love to... cake I mean! *gets up and sits down on the bed to already put on some socks* *leans over to Matteo and kisses him briefly* *then grins* Maybe you shouldn't only remember the dates for birthdays and anniversaries but also the ones for the doctor's appointments...

Matteo: *nods when David says that cake sounds good* *is already typing up a response to Hans when he hears David's "Oh crap" and stops typing* What? *sits up when he hears that David has a doctor's appointment* Oh really? *then thinks for a moment and realizes that it can't be an appointment for testo and frowns* What kind of doctor's appointment? *smiles when he gets kissed because then it can't be something bad* *grins slightly* Maybe you should give me a copy of your calendar... *only says this as a joke* *would never expect that from David* Do you have to leave straight away? *quickly finishes his response to Hans saying that he'll probably be home soon and puts the phone away*

David: *bites down on his bottom lip for a moment when Matteo asks about the appointment and without looking at him murmurs* At the gynecologist... *grabs the phone from his nightstand and puts it in his pocket* *grins slightly when Matteo mentions the calendar* Maybe I should get myself a calendar in the first place... *checks the time again and shakes his head at Matteo's question* I still have 10 minutes... *lets himself fall back onto the bed and simply pulls Matteo with him* *murmurs* We definitely have to make use of the time productively...

Matteo: *nods slightly at David's answer* *hasn't really realized just yet what kind of doctor he talked about but had simply nodded* *tilts his head* You don't have a calendar? Despite all your doctor stuff? And your memory? *laughs slightly when David pulls him down with him and wraps his arm around him* *but then realizes what David had said* Hang on... did you just say gynecologist? Is that... well? *looks at him questioningly* Why?

David: *grins slightly when Matteo asks about the calendars again and shrugs* I have a more or less well-organized pile of notes with doctor's appointments... *laughs briefly* Strangely enough I've never missed one... *also wraps one arm around Matteo once they are lying down and pushes one leg between his* *nods when Matteo asks about the gynecologist* *notices that he's looking at him but somehow can't return his look right now* *therefore buries his face in Matteo's shoulder and grumbles slightly* *then pulls away again but still doesn't look at Matteo* Well... the organs and such are still there... so you have to go to check-ups regularly... besides, I need a confirmation letter for the mastectomy and the hysterectomy that everything's okay...

Matteo: *grimaces slightly because David doesn't want to look at him and because he feels stupid himself* *David still has the stupid female organs, therefore he has to go to a doctor who specializes in it* *kisses his head and hugs him a little closer* *quickly answers* Yes of course... *then thinks for a moment and thinks that it would be a little odd but that he wants to be there for David when he needs him no matter what* *therefore asks* Do you want me to come with you?

David: *at first thinks that he misheard him but then thinks that it's so typical for Matteo that he wants to support him wherever he can and that it's one of the reasons he loves him so much* *still laughs quietly and shakes his head* *looks at him, after all, and lightly runs his hand through Matteo's hair* That's really sweet but it's embarrassing enough on my own... you don't have to do that to yourself... *kisses him softly and murmurs* I'll just meet you in the flatshare afterwards and in the meantime you can make sure that Hans doesn't eat the entire cake by himself... okay?

Matteo: *tilts his head slightly when David says that it's embarrassing* Then I could come along and tell all the women who give you a look that I'm already in my 6th month of pregnancy and that I'm worried because you still can't see anything? *gives him a slightly wicked grin* That would distract them... *but then nods* No, but I understand... *kisses him again and runs a hand through his hair* *nods* I'll save you a slice, I promise...

David: *quietly laughs at Matteo's suggestion and says* If I ever want to switch gynecologists, then you're welcome to try that... *smiles when Matteo says that he understands it and returns his kiss* *murmurs to the cake-thing* Good... or two... *grins slightly and then sits up with a sigh* I have to go... *leans down again to kiss Matteo* *whines against his lips* I don't want to... you go... *kisses him again, groans quietly, straightens himself up again and reaches for the shoes next to his bed to put them on*

Matteo: *pouts when he says that he has to leave* *kisses him again and then again* I would if I could... *sits up* I'll just clean up the kitchen and then I'll leave as well... *gets up from the bed when David does and goes into the hallway with him* *kisses him again quickly* Don't let them bother you... and remember, there's cake waiting for you on the other side... *then watches him leave, goes to the kitchen to quickly clean up and to then go to the flatshare*

David: *smiles when Matteo says that he'll clean up the kitchen* Don't worry about it... *thinks that the kitchen doesn't look thaaat bad and that Laura would surely understand* *says goodbye to Matteo and, like always, has to smile slightly when Matteo stays back in his apartment and when it feels like he would just belong there* *downstairs, he makes his way to the subway and the uneasy feeling about the gynecologist pushes itself back into the forefront of his mind* *hopes that he doesn't have to wait for too long and that he can get it over with quickly*

About two hours later:

*is relieved to leave the doctor's office – on the one hand because he's got it over with and on the other because everything is okay and because the gynecologist said that nothing stands in the way of his mastectomy and hysterectomy* *pulls his phone out of his pocket and texts Matteo: WhatsApp Matteo/David: David: Hey, I'm finally done and am on my way to the subway. I guess that I'll be at your place in about 30 minutes. Is there still cake left? ;-) *then puts on his headphones, turns on music and walks toward the subway-station*

Matteo: *has cleaned up the kitchen and thrown a few of his dirty things into his backpack and made his way to the flatshare* *has eaten cake with Hans, Mia and Linn at the flatshare and Hans has naturally put two slices aside for David, which Matteo was really happy about* *has then retreated into his room and played around on his laptop* *reaches for his phone when he sees it light up* *smiles when he reads the message and replies* WhatsApp Matteo/David: Matteo: Hey, I hope everything went okay. There's still cake left, Hans put it aside especially for you :) See you soon

David: *feels his phone vibrate when he's walking down the stairs to the subway and quickly pulls it out again to read Matteo's message* *wanted to reply but then notices that his train is supposed to arrive in 2 minutes* *starts running so that he can still make it and really manages just in time* *is happy that it's not too full and that he manages to get a seat* *replies* WhatsApp Matteo/David: David: Yes, everything's okay – according to the gynecologist there aren't any concerns about the surgeries. :-) Tell our Guru thanks for saving some for me! See you soon! *sends the message but notices that he no longer has any signal and grimaces slightly* *hopes that he might have a signal at the next stop and keeps the phone in his hand to see if the message has been sent*

Matteo: *doesn't receive a reply from David* *but wasn't really expecting one* *knows that he'll be there in about 25 minutes* *puts his phone aside again and tries to get through the level before David comes back*

David: *doesn't have any signal neither on the next stop nor the one after that but instead realizes that his battery is very low* *decides to save some battery and to put his phone away – after all, it's only 5 stops until he has to get out of the train and his message isn't that important that Matteo has to immediately read it* *leans back and enjoys the music* *at some point notices the train stopping in the tunnel but doesn't think much of it at first, because it sometimes happens* *only when the train still hasn't moved 5 minutes later does he slowly start to get nervous* *takes the headphones off and pulls his phone out of his pocket again only to realize that he still doesn't have any signal* *then hears an announcement through the speakers that their train will be delayed for several minutes due to a technical malfunction* *sighs quietly and wonders how many minutes several minutes will be this time* *is annoyed that he didn't take the bike* *every now and then checks the time and his battery and eventually types a message to Matteo when it's obvious that he won't make it to the flatshare on time* WhatsApp Matteo/David: David: I don't have any signal right now, but at least you can read this as soon as the messages get sent again. My train has a technical malfunction right in the middle of a tunnel. I have no idea how long this will take but I'll definitely be late. Don't worry! *sends the message and worriedly looks at this battery which is only at 5%* *hopes to get some signal back before the battery dies*

Matteo: *manages the level but then doesn't feel like playing anymore* *turns off the laptop and puts it away* *checks the time and sees that David should be here any moment* *goes into the kitchen and takes the cake out of the fridge and puts it on the table* *pulls his phone from his pocket* WhatsApp Matteo/David: Matteo: Do you want coffee with the cake? Then I'll make some. *looks at the phone and sees that David doesn't receive the message, only one tick* *grumbles slightly and simply makes some coffee* *checks the time and sees that David should have been here by now* *grabs his phone again* *sees that his previous text still hasn't been received but texts him anyway* WhatsApp Matteo/David: Matteo: Everything okay?

David: *gets more and more nervous the more time passes* *eventually gets up and goes to the front of the train hoping to get some signal there, but his messages to Matteo still don't get sent* *notices while checking the time that he should have arrived at Matteo's 5 minutes ago and that this information has cost him 1% of battery* *tries to call Matteo but doesn't manage to get a signal for that, either* *types another message* WhatsApp Matteo/David: David: My battery is almost dead! In case you can still read this: I'm okay and trying to get to you as quickly as possible. *in that exact moment hears an announcement that the technical malfunction has been detected and that it will be taken care of as quickly as possible and that the passengers are asked for some more patience* *nervously bounces his leg and forces himself not to check the time because he's afraid that his phone will die* *hopes that it might occur to Matteo that the subway might have a problem and that he'll stay calm but he's afraid that Matteo will panic and just wants to get to him as quickly as possible* *eventually pulls his phone out of his pocket, after all, and checks the time* *can only see that he's now 20 minutes late before his display gets black and his phone turns itself off*

Matteo: *gets slightly nervous when more and more time passes and David doesn't show up and his messages don't arrive, either* *after 15 minutes he grabs his phone and googles "subway Berlin accident" but can't find anything current* *wonders if David might have walked, after all, and that it takes him longer than he anticipated* *but then doesn't understand why his messages don't go through* *realizes that he doesn't know where David's gynecologist is* *what if it's some stupid part of town and he's been mugged and his phone got smashed and he's lying somewhere and can't call for help* *doesn't even notice how he's nervously pacing the kitchen* *keeps looking at his phone* *types another text to David, even though he knows it's useless* WhatsApp Matteo/David: Matteo: Everything okay? Where are you? I'm worried *goes back to his room and grabs his laptop* *then asks himself what he even wants with it in the first place and puts it away again* *reaches for his phone again* *stares at it as if it would help turn one tick into two* *checks the time and notices that by now David is 30 minutes late* *sees several horror scenarios in his mind's eye, each one of them showing David somewhere, injured, and not able to help himself* *considers calling hospitals but then thinks that it's too early for that* *goes back to the kitchen even though that doesn't help, either*

David: *has eventually lost all sense of time and turned on his music again, resigned, but turned the volume down so that he would still be able to hear the announcements* *thinks that he can't do anything but wait and only hopes that Matteo isn't too worried* *thinks that it might occur to him to look up online if his subway is late but then remembers that Matteo doesn't even know which one he's on* *at some point remembers that Matteo's roommates are home and that they would surely calm him down or distract him* *feels like he's been in the tunnel for hours when the subway eventually slowly starts moving again* *takes a deep breath and waits patiently for the next stop – for one to see where exactly he is in the first place and to maybe be able to see how late it is* *when he can finally see some light again he realizes that it's only two stops to the flatshare and that the subway is delayed by about 45 minutes* *figures that with the two remaining stops and the walk to the flatshare it will take him at least 10 more minutes before he's finally with Matteo* *already gets up as if that would make him arrive faster* *finally reaches the stop and quickly gets off the subway* *runs up the escalator and then starts to quickly make his way to the flatshare* *jogs part of the way, finally reaches the house and rings the doorbell*

Matteo: *notices that the coffee is finished brewing and fills it in a thermos with shaking hands* *afterwards immediately checks his phone again* *sees that it's almost been an hour since David said he'd be there* *goes back to his room and ignores Hans, who passes him to probably go into the kitchen or the bathroom* *sits down on his bed once he's in his room* *stares at the wall and has a picture of an injured David in mind* *grabs his phone and googles "hospitals Berlin"* *randomly chooses one where he sees the phone number and calls it* Yes, hello... I wanted to know if someone named David Schreibner has been taken to your hospital within the last hour... what?... no... why does that matter?... I don't want you to tell me a fucking diagnosis, I just want to know if he's there... No, Schreibner, with an n... no S-C-H-R-E-I-B-N-E-R... *is so panicked and nervous and busy explaining to this stupid woman on the phone what he wants to know that he doesn't hear the doorbell*

David: *hears Hans over the intercom and gets buzzed into the house and let into the apartment by Hans* *is a little out of breath because he ran upstairs* *hears Hans: "Hello, my dear, Matteo is in his room... he seemed a little scatterbrained... just go through to his room..." and only nods briefly* *quickly passes him and goes into Matteo's room and sees Matteo nervously on the phone spelling his name* *feels a stab in his chest when he realizes with only a glance that Matteo isn't okay* *doesn't hesitate and so that he can pull him out of his concentration and nervousness calmingly says* Matteo... *takes two steps toward him and sits down on the bed* *stammers* I'm so sorry... the subway had a malfunction in the tunnel... my phone died... I couldn't reach you... *looks at him worried*

Matteo: *shakes his head on the phone and turns toward the balcony door* *hears his name and spins around* *sees David and can't even describe how he feels* *hangs up without saying another word and throws his phone aside* *only shakes his head when David explains himself* *doesn't understand a word he says right now* *has immediately put his hands on David's face, his shoulders, arms, everywhere* Are you all right? Is everything okay? *looks at him as if he could suddenly see injuries that he hadn't noticed before* I thought... *shakes his head because he doesn't even want to say it* *therefore only asks again to make sure* You're okay?

David: *feels like Matteo is way too shaken to listen to him and eventually stops his stammering* *feels how Matteo seemingly tires to feel if he's okay and simply lets him* *reaches for his hands when he seems done and tries to look into his eyes* I'm fine! Everything's okay! *grimaces slightly when Matteo starts his sentence but doesn't finish it* *can't really imagine what he thought happened but considering the condition Matteo's in it probably wasn't anything positive* *just hopes that he didn't think that he ran away again just like that and that because of the stupid subway malfunction old wounds and fears have come back again* *nods when Matteo asks again if he's okay and repeats* I'm fine! *then puts one hand to his cheek and looks him in the eyes* I'm here, okay? *has to swallow when he can still see fear and slight panic in Matteo's eyes*

Matteo: *feels his heart still beating really fast and tries to breathe to get it under control* *nods slightly when David says that he's fine* *looks at him when he reassures him that he's here* *nods again only slightly and then pulls him closer* *wraps his arm around him and buries his head in his neck* *lets himself fall to the side with David, so that they're lying on the bed, but doesn't let go* *lies with him for quite some time before he quietly says* I thought something happened to you... something bad...

David: *watches Matteo and thinks that he slowly realizes that he's really fine* *then feels his hug and returns it immediately* *hugs him close and comfortingly and tenderly runs a hand over his neck and his hair* *lets himself glide to the bed with him and keeps holding him* *feels like he can feel Matteo's heart beating against his own chest and in that moment wishes that he could have spared him that uncertainty and the delay* *eventually feels like Matteo relaxes a little and then hears his words* *shakes his head slightly but feels a small stab in his chest because he doesn't even want to imagine how bad Matteo's thoughts were to be in such a condition* *quietly repeats* I'm fine... *kisses his forehead, because it's the only thing he can reach right now, and then explains again calmly* The subway had a technical malfunction and got stuck in the tunnel. I didn't have any signal and then my phone suddenly died... *hugs him a little closer again and murmurs* I'm sorry... I didn't want you to get worried...

Matteo: *listens to him and thinks that he should have thought of a subway malfunction* *buries his face a little more in David's neck* *but then quickly shakes his head* It's not your fault... *kisses his throat and his jaw* Well, everything's alright now... *hopes that David didn't hear too much of his panicked phone call earlier* *doesn't want him to worry about how worried he had been*

David: *shrugs slightly when Matteo says that it wasn't his fault* *thinks that he could have taken the bike or that he could have checked his battery and charged his phone before he left* *is angry at his non-existent ability to organize his appointments because if he had remembered the appointment earlier he surely would have charged his phone* *plans to really get a calendar* *gets pulled from his thoughts when Matteo kisses his throat and jaw and says that everything's alright now* *somehow doesn’t feel like it is* *he did know that Matteo might be a little concerned but didn't really expect to find him so worried and panicked(?)* *pulls away a little to be able to look at him but still hugs him closely* *eventually asks quietly* Is really everything alright? *presses his lips together for a moment, pushes a strand of hair from his face and adds* I mean... do you want to talk about how you felt? And how you are feeling now?

Matteo: *rolls a little onto his back when David pulls away and looks up at him* *immediately nods when he asks* Really... *then swallows at his next question and shakes his head slightly* I... I was just worried, ok? *lifts his hand and strokes over David's cheek before he puts it on the back of his neck and his fingers disappear into his hair* And now you're here... so everything's alright. Panic mode is switched off, ok?

David: *nods slowly when Matteo says that he was only worried and murmurs* Understandable... *briefly closes his eyes and leans into Matteo's touch when he runs it over his cheek and then smiles slightly at his words and opens his eyes again so that he can look at him* *nods and quietly says* Okay... *then smiles again and says* And I don't get hurt that easily...bad weeds grow tall! *grins and briefly nudges his nose against Matteo's* *then remembers in what state he has found Matteo in and gets a little more serious again and asks* Who were you talking to on the phone when I came in?

Matteo: *shakes his head at his joke and looks at him serious* Don't say that... you're not weeds… *presses his lips together when he hears David's question* *finds it a little over the top and also a little embarrassing in hindsight* *th *therefore only murmurs* Mmmm... the hospital... *then slightly pulls him towards him and hopes that he can distract him with a kiss*

David: *looks at Matteo skeptically when he hears his murmuring and needs a moment to understand what one thing has to do with the other* *lets Matteo pull him in and kiss him but realizes just how afraid Matteo must have been if he started calling hospitals* *tries to imagine what must have been going through his head but doesn't really manage* *pulls away from the kiss and puts his hand on his cheek so that he can look at him and quietly and with a small lump in his throat murmurs* You weren't just worried... you were really panicked... right? *feels his heart speed up at this comment and wonders if he just crossed some line by voicing his suspicion* *finds it hard to keep looking into Matteo's eyes but still manages somehow*

Matteo: *sighs slightly when David pulls away from the kiss* *knows immediately that David isn't done talking about it* *briefly looks away when he hears his question, which is probably enough of an answer* *tries to sort his feelings and put them into words and then looks at him again* *then very quietly says* Yes... *swallows again to somehow get rid of the lump in his throat and then tries to explain* I... I just have to know that you’re alright... *takes a deep breath and adds* I admit that my reaction just now was maybe a little exaggerated... but... somehow I was only making up horror scenarios and didn't think of a logical explanation like a dead battery...

David: *has to swallow when Matteo says that he has to know that he's alright and knows that it would be useless right now to reassure him that he's fine and that nothing is going to happen to him because there isn't really a guarantee for that* *feels how difficult it is for Matteo to talk about it and is grateful that he does it anyways* *listens to him and shakes his head slightly when he says that it was exaggerated and quietly says* If you can only think of horror scenarios then calling a hospital wasn't exaggerated but a logical conclusion to the horror scenarios... *knows what it's like to think up horror scenarios and how difficult it is to get out of it* *wishes that he could somehow help Matteo, just like Matteo helped him back then to get rid of his own horror scenarios, but doesn't really know how* *quietly and insecurely asks* Can someone... or I... do anything so that you... somehow get out of this panic mode easier in the future? *thinks that the question is actually stupid because if Matteo knew how not to panic than he probably would have acted accordingly* *therefore adds quietly and a little helplessly* I promise I will be careful! And to make sure that my battery is always charged in the future. And I will buy a calendar to plan things better! And I promise that I will always do my best to be back with you as quickly as possible... because then I'm alright... when I'm with you...

Matteo: *grimaces slightly when David says that it was a logical conclusion* *thinks that it's nice of him but also knows that the scenarios weren't really logical* *shakes his head slightly when David asks if there's anything that he can do* Dunno... no... don't think so... *exhales slightly at David's suggestions and automatically has to smile a little* Hey, hey... *puts his hand on his cheek again and looks at him* It's not your responsibility, ok? You don't have to turn your life upside down just because I panic really quickly, okay? I also calm down again... *runs his thumb over David's cheek* Unfortunately, life can't be planned the way we might like to... sometimes I'll go a little nuts and sometimes you might go a little nuts... but we'll get through this, okay?

David: *nods slowly when Matteo says that there's nothing he can do* *would still like to do something and will at least continue to think about it* *then sees Matteo smile at his suggestions and also has to smile a little because of it* *but then gets serious again when he hears his next words and interrupts him* *takes Matteo's hand off his cheek and sits up a little, pulling a little away from him when he does, and looks at him seriously* It is! It is my responsibility! And I won't turn my life upside down because of you but because of us! No, it's actually not even turning it upside down! It's the same thing as if you don't go into the water and tell me that you don't mind! Basically it's not your responsibility, either, that I don't want to go into the water in front of other people! And it's also not your responsibility that my butt hurts after my injection! And the mastectomy isn't your responsibility, either! But you made it your responsibility because... because it's about us... yeah, okay, it's actually about me, but because I somehow belong to you... and you belong to me! And therefore any horror scenarios you think of or panic you feel is also my responsibility! Because it affects you and because you belong to me and because I love you and because I want you to be alright! That has nothing to do with turning my life upside down! You're a part of my life... well, at least that's what I thought and so... *shrugs and doesn't really know how to continue* *isn't sure if Matteo even shares his opinion if he thinks that his emotional state and wellbeing aren't his responsibility*

Matteo: *stares at him during his outburst and doesn't even notice his eyes getting wet* *because this, what David was just able to beautifully put into words, is exactly how he feels when it's about David* *didn't really consider that David feels the same way* *quickly wipes a hand over his eyes and shakes his head* Yes... well... you are... a part of me and I... well, I... *takes a deep breath and then nods* Okay... I... I'm just... *then shrugs a little helpless* I'm not really used to this... that someone likes to feel responsible for me... and I... *then looks at him and notices his eyes getting wet again* *quietly says* I love you, too... very much... but I think I still have to get used to it...

David: *sees Matteo's eyes getting wet and gets a lump in his throat* *at first can't really place what's going on inside Matteo and if his speech was a good thing or a bad thing* *then smiles slightly when he confirms that he’s a part of him and calmingly puts a hand on his chest when he realizes how difficult it is for Matteo to find words* *feels the lump in his throat grow bigger when he says that he's not used to people feeling responsible for him because he's so sorry that Matteo has never made that experience* *then realizes that he only really knows this feeling because of Matteo – to some degree also from Laura, of course, but that's something different because she's his sister, and that in the beginning he also had difficulties believing Matteo that he really doesn't mind and is still stunned and surprised when he realizes that Matteo is doing this with him* *puts his hand on Matteo's cheek when he notices his eyes getting wet again and scoots a little closer to him again* *then smiles when he says that he also loves him and smiles slightly at his next words* *leans forward and presses a soft kiss to his mouth while softly running his thumb over his cheek* *then puts his forehead against his and looks at him* *quietly says* The getting used to will get easier with time... I'm talking from experience... *kisses him again and murmurs* I want to be there for you! I want to be there for you the way you're there for me!

Matteo: *is unsure* *doesn’t know if he was able to find the right words* *smiles in relief when David kisses him and wraps his arm around him, his eyes closed* *keeps them closed when David speaks and nods slightly* *gets kissed again and then hears that he wants to be there for him* *kisses him again and once again* *murmurs “okay” against his lips, which may not sound like much but means a lot for Matteo* *a small confirmation of him accepting it, of him letting David in, that he’ll let him see everything and that he trusts that David will stay* *kisses him again and then simply pulls him closer again* *puts his head back against David’s neck and breathes him in* *then looks at him and smiles slightly* I made coffee… to go along with the cake… do you want some?

David: *returns Matteo’s kisses and feels them both slowly relaxing again* *smiles into the kiss when he hears Matteo’s “okay” and knows that Matteo is going to try and that he will do everything he can not to disappoint him and to really be there for him* *gets pulled closer again by Matteo and lies down comfortably so that Matteo can put his head back onto his shoulder* *wraps both arms around him and holds him tight* *closes his eyes and enjoys being close to Matteo* *then feels Matteo move and opens his eyes when he hears his words so that he can return his gaze* *has to laugh quietly and nods* Sure… if the coffee’s still warm… *presses a kiss to Matteo’s temple and then sits up slowly, even though he finds it difficult to let go of Matteo right now* *looks at him* Do you want to go to the kitchen or should I bring the coffee and the cake in here?

Matteo: *grins slightly and nods* I’ve put it in a thermos… *then also sits up when David does and keeps his hand on his back* *thinks for a moment when he hears his question and then decides* Kitchen… *adds a little quieter* I don’t wanna hide… *then gets up and sees that the door is open* Oh… *points at the door and shrugs* *still hopes that the others were in their rooms*

David: *nods and smiles slightly when Matteo decides to go to the kitchen and gets up as well* *follows Matteo’s gaze to the door and shrugs as well* *grins slightly* So you either have very discreet roommates or they really aren’t home or they’re all in their rooms… *leans down to his duffel bag, that somehow has become a steady presence in Matteo’s room, and rummages around for his charger to take it with him to the kitchen* *then follows Matteo and plugs his phone in* *goes over to the cabinet and takes out two mugs and puts them on the table* *after all the emotional and physical closeness to Matteo he now feels a little naked and empty without any physical contact to him and waits for him to grab the coffee and cake to change this feeling*

Matteo: *goes to the counter and grabs the plate with the cake* *then grabs the thermos and puts both of it down on the table* *but goes back to the fridge to get the milk* *then feels his phone vibrate but doesn’t look at it* *assumes that it’s the messages from David that haven’t been sent earlier* *puts the milk on the table and grins at him* Enjoy… I already had some… *sits down and pours coffee for them* *sees David scoot his chair closer to his chair and smiles* *leans his head against his shoulder*

(next play)

[supeson]

get possessed, to impress

You feel good. Great, actually. You’re social and dependable and people want to hang around you. You’re in a club when you meet him. He’s a very nice man, completely out of place in the ostentatious brick building. He’d been dragged out by some friends, he tells you as he introduces himself. Clark Kent. He’s completely goofy, and you love it. He tells you that his ideal night is preferably one in, or out somewhere more personal. You agree, and boldly tell him you’d love to go somewhere more personal with him. Deep in your mind, you recoil in embarrassment.

You end up exchanging numbers with Clark. You call him the next day, asking if he wants to get lunch right then and there. He laughs and agrees, telling you that you’re lucky, he’s just finished up a story, so he’s free. The two of you head to a buffet place, where you watch Clark put away about five plates of food. You’re hungry too, for the first time in what feels like forever. Lunch is filled with funny stories and witty comebacks, and ends with the promise to get together again. You see him three more times and things start to get heated. You’ve never better in your life. 

                                                            *

“So what happens when you drop?” Your therapist asks, watching you as she taps away at her laptop. You wince. She’s never been one to pull punches. It’s part of the reason you see her.

“I dunno! I don’t think it’s gonna happen! I’ve been feeling really good lately! Eventually I’ll mellow out, of course, but I’m good!” You tell her this enthusiastically, completely leaving out the part where you haven’t taken your pill in months. 

“I see. Well, our time is almost up. Do you need a refill on your prescription?” The file shows that you haven’t gotten a refill in months. She knows what you’re doing, going through. 

You fidget. “Uh, yea! I’ll pick it up on my way home.”

She snaps her laptop shut and stands up, holding the door open for you. “Good. And just as a parting piece: this won’t end well, and you know it. You’re on a high right now, and it won’t last forever. Do yourself a favor and start taking your meds regularly, before you dip again.”

You scuttle out of her office without scheduling another appointment, and the refill sits at the pharmacy. 

                                                          * 

Fucking therapist, you think as you lay in bed for the third consecutive hour. You haven’t moved since you woke up at six AM, just sitting there scrolling through the same three social media sites as the sun comes up. You’re not particularly motivated to do anything, and it’s your day off, thankfully, so there’s no rush to do anything. You’re scrolling past the same picture you did five minutes ago when you get a text from Clark. He asks if you’re free today. You swipe the notification to the side and sigh. You’ll respond later. 

It’s been another two hours, and you finally get up to eat. You eat an honest brunch, consisting of a bag of chips and a handful of Hershey’s Kisses you find on your counter. You go back to bed, scrolling through the twelve new posts that have been made since you got up. You boot up a show you’ve already seen several times, content to just watch and veg out. Clark tries to call you, and you don’t answer, leaving the call to go to voicemail.

“Hey! I was just calling to see if our plans were still on for this weekend! Also, I got assigned that puff piece at the zoo, y’know the one about the elephant that’s about to give birth? I figured you might want to come with me and see the new baby! Anyway I hope you’re having a good day!”

He sounds so sweet on the phone. You call him back after an hour, and tell him you got caught up with some family stuff, but of course you’re looking forward to seeing him over the weekend, and that yes you’d love to go to the zoo with him, purely for his story, of course. You sound normal on the phone, which is a big accomplishment, you think. Surely, by the weekend, you’ll be fine again. 

                                                         *

Across the city Clark can hear you crying in your bed, gripping a pill bottle and wishing you could feel okay without them.

[princeanxious]

“Egg-celent” TSS- Patceit

Warnings: Aphobia, sympathetic deceit

I was requested to write this prompt with anyship, i gave it a shot xD , all errors are mine, and i hope ya’ll like it bc it’s almost 1 am for me.

Prompt: “You’re famous and I jokingly left a comment on your social media post asking if you’ll go egg my ex-partner’s house with me this weekend, and I never actually expected you to respond, let alone show up Friday night with dark sweatshirts, toilet paper rolls, and three egg cartons tucked under your arm” AU

Prior/extra info: Patceit AU where Patton is Famous(and has a youtube and uses it for good) and just moved into Dimitri’s hometown, and Dimitri is also a youtuber but a much smaller one, known for amazing stage/costume makeup artistry and the peculiar way that one side of his face is covered in freckles and the fact that his eyes have heterochromia. Patton is also really tall(6’4) and Dimitri is really short(5’2).

———

‘Hey, /PatPuffballSanders, wanna help me go egg my ex’s house this weekend? I’d bet it’d be sp-egg-tacular.’

-posted at 10:23 pm, by /BoopDiSnek

The short makeup artist hadn’t expected things to escalate this far, and well, in all honesty, he hadn’t expected anything to happen at all. Perhaps it was the fact that Patton Sanders was famous, known well for his pretty voice, sneaky puns, dad humor, and growing popularity as a voice actor.

He was a ray of sunshine, and readily used that talent on every social platform he could to make people smile, but primarily on Youtube. The tall puppy of a man had a pun of the day, animal shelter promo of the week, and a monthly charity stream where he’d invite his friends and other youtubers of all kinds to play games and skits and challenges to raise money for all sorts of causes.

The puffball has a moral streak a mile wide, and has a segment for ‘Dad Chats’ in his videos with his viewers about how they should choose go about certain issues, and how their choices and feelings would affect their decisions, among other topics. He wasn’t good at words, but he tries to be the best influence he can, and that much was evident in any of his videos.

Perhaps it was the fact that Dimitri was still heartbroken, his boyfriend dumping him a week ago for someone else after a year and a half of dating. All because he was a ‘killjoy’ for not feeling sexually attracted to the man. It wasn’t even that Dimitri didn’t want it, he just hadn’t felt any of the sort towards his ex yet and didn’t feel the need to fake an act. It hadn’t sat well with his ex-boyfriends ego, apparently, as was evident in their last fight leading towards their breakup.

The words ‘freak’ and ‘prude’ had indeed stung, but not more than ‘unlovable’ had, the sentence burned into the forefront of his thoughts as his ex exclaimed it.

And maybe Dimitri had been a little out of it, typing the sarcastic message through his angry tears.

Even when pressing the post button had sent a jolt of nervousness through him, having tagged his favorite ball of sunshine, he’d never expected a response. It was evident in the comments his followers added to his post, concerned about his full week of silence, that the question had been silly. Patton? Patton Hart Sanders? The Patton Hart Sanders, egging a house? Sure, Patton had just moved into Dimitri’s hometown, but their hometown was big enough that he’d probably never run into the voice actor anyhow. And Patton just wasn’t that kind of person.

In any case, his phone had been left on the charger as he went to make some tea, and had almost spilled it everywhere when he returned 10 minutes later. A single notification from Patton Sanders himself sat, waiting to be read.

‘Now, I don’t know about eggin’ a house, Kiddo, but you sure have got me on the ‘Egg’ of my seat, ‘fryin’ to know whats eating at you. You feeling okay, Di?’’ It was a private message, sent two minutes ago, and Dimitri was barely breathing.

Okay, so maybe Dimitri was pretty gay for Patton, it was a popular type of crush, nothing very real, and that was all. He looked up to the man, definitely. However, there was no way in heaven that Patton Sanders had privately dm’d him. He could scarcely believe it, even after triple checking that this was an official Patton Sanders account. Perhaps it was unprofessional, but Patton seemed genuinely worried and was trying to reach out, and that made Dimitri feel guilty.

“Hey Pat! Don’t worry about it, I was just joking around.” He squinted at the sentence, scrutinizing it for any particular error before sending it, Patton’s response was almost immediate.

“Something tells me you weren’t, but i’ll let it slide for now, kiddo. The question remains, are you feeling okay?”

“Honestly? No, but i will be. Aphobia sucks, though. Some dude my ex turned out to be.”

It took Patton three extra minutes to respond, a hesitance present in his response. “Oh goodness, that sounds bad.. on second thought, that egging his house idea doesn’t sound so mean after all, Di!” Dimitri snorted, gently waving off the others suggestion through another message.

Back and forth they went for another hour, talking about video ideas and plans and possible collab ideas. Perhaps Dimitri was in over his head, he’d never collabed with anyone before, but he wasn’t going to turn Patton's suggestion for a stage makeup challenge for a charity livestream down.

Eventually they both went to bed, and time moved on.

Dimitri picked himself back up and threw himself back into his videos, breaking the silence with a short explanation video followed by his regularly scheduled videos. By the time Friday rolled around, Dimitri had all but forgotten about his question to Patton. Over the course of the week, both of them had gotten closer, talking about their town and suggestions of places to go, and promises to meet up that hopefully would not become empty.

It was mid-afternoon when Dimitri, who was currently mid-edit thankfully and not mid-makeup mode, got a knock on his door. Confused, he wandered to his front door and opened it, peering through his glasses at the outside world.

Well, attempting to peer, as suddenly Dimitri is met with a blue sweater-clad chest and a happy squeal of excitement coming from the man standing at his door. It takes two seconds for Dimitri to blink upwards at the taller man and recognize him as Patton Sanders, it takes Dimitri two more minutes for his brain to catch up with Patton’s excited rambling.

And to catch up with the fact that Patton is hugging him.

He notices Patton has a few things in one arm, most notably, a couple cartons of eggs. He can’t help but crack a smile, completely flabbergasted that Patton actually thought of going through with this.

Dimitri’s thoughts are going wild, and he’s pretty sure he has a headache coming on, but instead of addressing it, he plays it cool and invites the other in and decides to make tea for the both of them.

When Patton pulls out two black sweaters, one turned inside out,along with a mask and some toilet paper, Dimitri can’t hold back his giggles. He misses the way Patton lights up at the sound, and lets Patton know that they really weren’t going to egg his ex’s house. The relief is evident in Patton’s voice, “Thank goodness! I don’t think we’d fair too well in the dark!”

Dimitri can’t help but agree, adjusting his glasses. No, not even his contacts could save him for the depth perception nightmare that was aiming in the dark, plus, they’d easily get caught. Absently, Dimitri moves to hand the inside out sweater back, flipping it right side out now that the dark interior wasn’t needed, only to pause. His eyes caught on the graphic print on the front of the sweater, adjusting it in his hands so he could see it fully. He paused again, squinting at the familiar design.

It held a cute albino snake curled around a small round ornament, blepping contently with the words ‘It cold’ next to her. Under the graphic, the name of the snake was presented in pretty cursive lettering, ‘Nova.’

“Pat.. is this?? My winter merch??” Dimitri could barely hold back his disbelief, glancing up at a flustered Patton. Patton owned the merch of his pet albino python, Nova, and goodness gracious Dimitri needed to sit down.

“In my defence!! Nova is cute!! And she's even cuter when happily curled around you!” Patton huffed, arms crossed as he blushed, though unashamed at his remark. Dimitri’s mind went a hundred different ways at that, before just putting his face in his hands and sighing.

After calming down a bit, he had an idea, and glanced up at Patton who blinked at him nervously, afraid he’d messed up somehow.

“Wanna hold her?” Patton’s bright grin was worth the brief stuttering of Dimitri’s thoughts.

With permission, a picture was taken of Patton with Nova wrapped around his shoulders, captioned ‘Nova found her #1 fan, it seems!’ and posted on both of their social accounts.

And if the media went a little shipping crazy at the two’s meeting, that was fine by them.

(The End?)

I might draw somethink for this but idk yet.)

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 59

I am so, so sorry for the delay on this week’s chapter. My hours at work have changed, and on top of it I had to make a 16 hour round trip in the car this past weekend.

The good news is, I have the next 4 days off from work, so I should be able to post on schedule going forward.  Shoutout to @charlylimph-blog and @baelpenrose for checking on me when I didn’t post Tuesday. Y’all are awesome.

I woke up to a faint smell, reminiscent of chili, and the whir of atmospheric scrubbers working overtime.  Groggily, I sat up and looked around, trying to find a clock that I slowly realized I didn’t own.  Instead of flicking open my datapad and scorching my eyes with the light of a thousand suns, I rose to stagger after the sound of laughter coming from my kitchen. I rubbed my eyes as I stepped into the light, only to be greeted by a wolf whistle and a simultaneous cry of dismay.

Still fighting off the blessed sleep of medication, I looked around and tried to reconcile the people in my kitchen with the faces I was expecting. A man too short to live there was standing with his back to me…That must be Alistair.  He’s early. Tyche, check.  Antoine, check plus bemused grin?  Woman with rich, dark skin and flashing white teeth, laughing…

“Xio? Where did you come from?” My nose scrunched in confusion.

“I’m going to say the same place you left your pants,” she teased.  “Nice legs.”

I glanced down and realized I was only clothed in one of Conor’s t-shirts. That explained the noise and why Alistair was very pointedly not looking at me.  Shrugging, I looked at my sister. “It covers more than some of the clothes people wear on the ship. Should I put on shorts, just in case?”

“Yes!” my assistant yelped. “That would be much preferred, Miss Reid.”

Tyche smirked as I tossed up my hands in resignation and went to assuage Alistair’s modesty.  When I returned, he was still bright red but at least facing me. Xiomara broke the silence. “Who are we still waiting on?”

“Conor and Maverick,” Antoine supplied. “Then we’ll make Maverick’s dinner while he’s in the shower and we can all eat.”

Comprehension dawned on her face. “That’s right… the food thing.  He doesn’t eat curry, I take it?”

I shook my head. “Not a huge fan, no. Sometimes he can handle vindaloo, but he’s been stressed, so we aren’t pushing it. Falafel and papadums for him.” I braced for some remark, but it never came.

“More for me,” she grinned, leaning on the counter to sneak a piece of meat before having her hand swatted away by Antoine.

“Conor eats enough to make up for it, believe me,” Tyche fake-grumbled, just as the men in question walked in.

“To make up for – oh! Curry night!” He gave a wide but exhausted smile as he waved Maverick toward the cleaning unit. “Your turn to go first, mate.” Maverick just nodded and dropped a kiss on each of our cheeks before retreating to wash off the dirt and sweat he was covered in. “Is this mine?” Conor murmured in my ear as he tugged the hem of my shirt.

“Shorts are Mav’s,” I pointed out. “I took a nap and woke up to find myself invaded.”

“You weren’t invaded,” Tyche argued. “We all arrived on time, but Grandma Kim said to let you sleep and that she would be checking when you woke up to make sure.  Before you get upset – “ she held up a hand to stop any objection I had, “it’s just a medical alert, and well within her job to set one.  She isn’t here to sic Lyric on any of us, so I’m guessing you got enough sleep for her.”

Antoine cleared his throat pointedly. “Not quite. She asked me to have you take another dose two hours after dinner.”

“Antoine…” I whined with utmost dignity. “You’re her boss. You can override her request, right?”

All vain hope was dashed by the flat look he levelled in my direction. Guess not.

“Another dose? Of what?”

My stomach sank as I remembered the sweaty Irishman currently draped around my shoulders. “Let’s wait until dinner, and I’ll tell you and Maverick first thing. I promise,” I turned my head to look in his eyes. “I just don’t want to repeat it, and it’s not fair for either of you to find out before the other.”

Eventually, everyone was washed and seated at the table. As I started to spoon some curry and lentils on my plate, Tyche cleared her throat and gave a pointed look.  Rolling my eyes and dropping my head back with a sigh, I snagged a papadum before speaking. “I got sent home from work today,” I started. “I fell asleep after several cups of Xiomara’s coffee, had a nightmare that left me screaming and hysterical. A medical scan showed that I have severe vitamin deficiency and exhaustion, so I was sent home to chug a vile concoction from GK and take a nap. Hence the pajamas.” I waved at myself in demonstration. “Noah wanted me to go to a medical bay for IV treatment and monitoring, but this was the compromise.”

“And if you aren’t better tomorrow, you’re going to the medical bay,” Maverick stated in a tone that most people used to explain that water makes things wet.

Conor apparently agreed, judging by the enthusiasm of his nod. “I encourage this and will do so – “

“Physically if necessary,” I finished for him. “Noah said the same thing. I was wondering where he got that from.”

“I got it from Antoine.”

The sound of three utensils being dropped was followed by deafening silence. Tyche, Xiomara, and I gaped at Antoine as he became very focused on the food in front of him. “This tastes of caprine… is that what it is meant to taste of?”

“Yes, it’s supposed to be goat, and don’t change the subject,” my sister grumbled. “Who did you threaten like that?”

“I am a nurse, Tyche!” he defended. “I say that quite often to recalcitrant patients, especially the elderly.  They do not like being treated for ailments – they think it means they are falling apart in their old age.  They often do not realize or understand that they will live longer if they simply get the treatment they need.”

“Speaking of falling apart,” Maverick interjected. “We finished testing on the samples from the failed swimming platforms.”

Xiomara leveled her fork like a weapon, first at Tyche and Antoine. “You? Hush.” She turned to a cringing Maverick. “You, speak. Now.”

“Yes ma’am,” he gulped around an unholy mouthful of falafel and ketchup. “The researchers tested samples from every individual piece of each platform. They were able to determine that the accelerated failure of the pieces was the cause of an iron-eating bacteria, not any flaw in the manufacturing or construction.”

She nodded at this news. “This is good. Keep going… what’s the bacteria and how do we rein it in?”

“Grey’s people don’t know the answer to either of those,” he answered apologetically.

“So, run it through the Ark’s database.”

“We did. Twice. Even then, it isn’t recognized.”

“Wait,” I stopped them both. “If they don’t know what it is, how do we know what it does?”

Maverick scowled at me like I asked a stupid question and should have known better. “They observed it eating the iron molecules in the metal.”

Okay, so I did ask a stupid question and should have known better. The scowl was fair, point to Maverick.

“Is there any danger to the ship as a whole?” Xiomara pressed on.

“They are trying to determine that now,” he admitted. “Only iron molecules are being… eaten? Processed? Whatever it is, only iron is affected.”

Seemingly satisfied, Xiomara nodded. “Sophia, please consider taking tomorrow to find out whatever is going on?”

My thoughts whirling at the conversational whiplash, I only shrugged. “It’s probably related to the gravity change. You know, increased anxiety, nightmares, all that.” I glanced at Antoine, hoping for confirmation.

Once again, my faith was misplaced. He shook his head, “Non. Gravity changes will cause increased anxiety, yes. But not the level of malnutrition you mentioned.  I am aware you eat regularly, if for no other reason than seeing you eat. There is no easily explained reason for you to be in such condition, and as such, I would like you to have tests done if I am not satisfied with your improvement by the end of the day tomorrow.”

“Do I have to?” I groaned. “I hate doctors… no offense, Antoine.”

“I am a nurse, so none taken.”

I felt a tapping on my left shoulder and turned to see Conor leaning across Maverick. “Sophie. Love. I know you hate it. But you wouldn’t let any of us just skive off going to the doctor if we were sick.” He pointed around the table, including Alistair and Xiomara. “If one of us so much as looked a bit droopy, you know you would task yourself with barking at our heels until we were checked out.”

“You did drag me to the medbay when I cut my hand,” Tyche pointed out.

“Annnnd you brought in Antoine when you realized I wasn’t eating,” Maverick chimed in.

Traitors, I thought petulantly.

Silent through all of dinner thus far, my assistant cleared his throat. “Sophia. From what I have seen just working with you, they have a point. If I, for instance, were exhibiting the signs you are showing, would you allow me to continue attending my daily responsibilities and trust that I was addressing the issue outside of my working hours?”

“Blast and BURN it all, why are you all being so logical?”

“Guilt trips don’t work,” Maverick pointed out. “You’ll convince yourself that you are doing the right thing for us all by hiding your symptoms.”

“And working harder just to prove you’re okay,” Conor chimed in.

“Mother henning people….” Xiomara trailed off lazily before flashing a smug grin at me.

“Et tu, Brute?” I begged. “Even you won’t let me work when I’m tired?”

“One,” she ticked off, holding up a finger. “You aren’t just tired, you are somehow malnourished, despite the fact that you are the most social eater I have ever met. Two, I have let you work when you were so-called tired. You literally passed out in my office on multiple occasions – “ She held up a hand when I tried to interrupt and plowed on. “Twice, it was mid-sentence.  Three, I’ll even go with you and have tests done on myself, just in case it’s something impacting everyone.”

“Wait – “ I sputtered. “That’s your negotiation? You’ll have tests done on you, and submit to treatment if needed, just to make me go? I’m not a child.”

“Then stop acting like one,” Tyche muttered, glaring at me and knowing full well I heard her.

As much as I wanted to fire back at her, something inside of me wilted. Tyche would never say I was being childish if it wasn’t true. We had literal screaming matches in the past because I was too adult as a teenager. “Fine,” I spat, ashamed. “I’ll go, the day after tomorrow, if I’m still not up to snuff.”

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[imagining-in-the-margins]

Hello everyone! I have hopefully returned to your regularly scheduled programming.

Anon answers (and a question for you!) below! 👇

1-5. I was only a little surprised to say that Blush won by a goddamn landslide. Dom!Spencer just does something to people, I suppose, lol! Breathe got second, so Show Me The Ropes will just have to wait. I’ve still been writing a lot despite not posting, so whenever my Beta and I have time (please send her good vibes - there’s a lot going on for her!), you guys will be drowned in my content.

Sorry about that.

6. I do want to write more Lesley! Right now my only request for him is fluffy smut of Sub!Lesley making a sex tape. More goofy than sexy, IMO. I have an idea for Raymond and Wes I want to do first.

Actually, which appeals more to y’all?

Dom!Wes putting a leash on you, or Raymond fucking what he firmly believes is a ghost (you’re not, which he realizes later after he runs into you)?

7. I was SHOCKED to see Defining Family win by so much. Since it is so much longer than the other two fluff fics, we’ll see if we finish editing it first. I’m glad you guys are interested, though. I was worried (I’m always worried -  but my last three works weren’t well received, so I’m more worried than usual).

8. I unfortunately not only don’t read works, my memory is akin to a very specific type of chaotic 2008 Neopets fan page. I don’t even remember which of MY fics include that.

If you want suggestions for fics, I recommend asking @dreatine, who is extremely knowledgeable and would be more than happy to discuss fic recs with you. She’s a genius and she’s super nice.

9. Unfortunately that still doesn’t bring us any solace. I’m grateful that people have at least stopped sending multiple requests to me, but they still tend to send it to a bunch of “smaller” writers and then a couple “bigger” writers and that is just... the WORST feeling ever.

Because I’ll tell you what happens: people are scrolling through the tags and see a story summary line, and then go “I’ve already read this” and keep going. That writer loses the chance to share their work, and it makes them feel like garbage. It will always feel, to us, like you are just using us and don’t really care about the impact, even if you just don’t realize (which is why I talk about it all the time.

dontkissthewriter and I organized a fic swap, right? We had to create a posting schedule for everyone involved because we were scared that if we didn’t, the smaller writers would be buried and not get a chance to have their works read.

All I’m asking if that you respect writers. When they say something makes them feel used/like garbage, just try not to do it. It’s really easy to change up a request so that they aren’t the exact same. If you can’t, then only ask one person or at least tell us so we can coordinate. We just want to be respected for our time and work.

10. KEATON. Oh my god I love him. Also, I’m glad you liked It’s Not You, It’s Her. I absolutely hated writing that piece - lmao!  But I did get to write the rant that Spencer really needed to hear in the show, so.

I actually plan on incorporating a similar conversation in a fic eventually. Not sure which one, but I really hate how no one told Spencer in the show that he was idealizing the fuck out of a relationship that probably would have gone poorly, anyway, considering the little of their dynamic that we did see.

11. I’m so glad you enjoy it! I would give a preview of Part 19 but my writing is super chaotic right now. I am working on it! Promise! This chapter is going to be long.

12. Awwwe this is so sweet. I’m glad you enjoy my page. I really love you all and I love having the chance to entertain you and be part of your lives however I can.

Sending love back. I hope you have a wonderful day. Stay safe xoxo 💕

[fight-surrender]

The 5 Stages of Wayward Son

 Word Count: 1283

This has been knocking around in my brain since September 24th, but others came along and shared their feelings and thoughts about this book far more eloquently and succinctly than I could. Plus it just hurt too fucking much to think about. I think I even have a draft somewhere on the topic that I started and stopped when this was all fresh.

But then Rainbow Rowell twisted the knife yesterday with her annotated playlist blog post. I started to read it but had to stop. My more emotionally mature fandom friends read it and messaged me weeping.

I know my tears are there, I can feel them under the surface. But through a confluence of life events and experiences, I’ve gotten really fucking good at locking them up. My therapist noted that they’re beyond locked up, I disassociate from my emotions completely. I’m working on it, slowly some feelings are percolating up. When Simon kissed Baz in Carry On, it was like an electric shock to me. I felt joy for the first time in years. That book made me so fucking happy. I couldn’t quite put my finger on why, but I joined up with this fandom, started writing fic, made some of the most incredible friends of my life and counted down to Wayward Son.

Shock, Denial, Isolation- when I googled the stages of grief, stage one was a hodgepodge of these. My heart stopped when I read “when I break up with Baz” in chapter 2 of WS. This was my worst nightmare, the thing I thought Rainbow would never actually do to us. I mean, she teased it, but I just thought…I almost put the book down. But I pressed on, convincing myself it will get better. I dug out an ancient emergency cigarette around chapter 11. My brain on repeat: “it will get better; they will be ok” like a drumbeat.  I was home alone, sitting in my leather club chair with my pets when I finished the book. I’m not sure I’ll forget that spot, that moment. Good God will it be emblazoned into my psyche like 9/11? But at that moment, I felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me and I was flat on my face in the dirt. Pure shock. All I could do was ugly cry in my bed while my pets looked on with concern. I isolated. I drank whiskey and ate cheese. I felt pretty insane— still do to be honest. Traumatized from a book? A work of fiction?

I’ve been thinking about it nearly constantly since then. Because I’m disturbed. Ask anyone. I know Rainbow has said that this is a very Baz-centric book, but for me it was all Simon. I needed Simon to be ok. I needed to know that you can go through trauma, where you lose everything you thought you were and that you can recover from that and be loved for what it made you. What you became. Simon’s trauma was my trauma. His worthlessness was my worthlessness. But this was fiction, this is where I get to escape from my humdrums and go to a world where at least someone gets a happy ending.

That’s what fiction is. An escape from reality. I get it, Rainbow, that’s not real life. Wayward Son is supposed to be like real life, but that’s not what I wanted, it’s not what I needed.

Instead, I got what I already have. Sinking dread. Uncertainty. Self-doubt. I wanted to rage, numb, distract. Anything to avoid looking down the barrel of my own sense of worthlessness and what got me there. In WS, Simon Snow gives voice to the troubled whispers of my own brain.  Carry On used to be my emotional support book. Whenever I was anxious or sad, it was like a drug. “And then he kissed me,” “because we match,” were like dopamine hits. Now it feels hollow. It feels like a lie.

This was obviously a case where my expectations were about a billion percent wrong. I was hoping for angst with a happy ending. I got angst with an uncertain ending. In hindsight, I kinda think I would have been ok if I knew ahead of time that it was a middle book. It wouldn’t have been such a shock. But here we are.

I’m legit afraid of Anywhere the Wind Blows. At this point I think Rainbow is capable of anything. I know she maintains that she loves Simon and Baz as much as we do. But does she love them together or apart? Maybe she decides they should just be friends. Maybe somebody dies. I mean, Elanor didn’t get Park. Rainbow said that she’s writing an epic love story: isn’t Romeo and Juliet an epic love story? I simply don’t know if my heart can take it.

I need to take a moment here. This whole piece is a moment—I actually have the house to myself—which is rare—because that’s where I have usually been: alone. I usually face my traumas and falls alone. I’ve been through some shit that would make your skin crawl. I’ve coped and muddled through by myself because I’ve never had any support. Simon has Penelope and Baz—I never had anyone, mostly due to my own habit of isolating and numbing. Until now. This fandom, the friends I’ve made. I don’t know where I would have gone, where I would be without them. I thank them from the bottom of my heart. I love them with my whole heart. Every chamber. (particularly “the moms group”, @penpanoply @vkelleyart and @carryonsimoncarryonbaz )

That’s the crux of it isn’t it? Simon has Baz. He has someone who loves him despite everything that’s happened to him, who loves him on purpose. He has Baz, his soulmate. He has Penny, his dread companion. If he can’t be ok, what hope is there for me?

So anyway, back to the stages of grief, I am currently stuck at stage 2- anger and stage 4- depression. I don’t think there’s any room for stage 3- bargaining. I mean, I’d sell my soul for Simon and Baz to live happily ever after as a couple, but Rainbow has made it abundantly clear that she’s a contrarian and will gleefully do the opposite of what readers wish. I just learned that the hard way with WS. So bargaining is out of the question. In the meantime, I’ll just read fanfiction of them being a happy couple.

I put WS in the place inside me where I put the things that hurt too much: the difficult euthanasias at my job as a veterinarian, when my dog died last year, when my marriage exploded six years ago (I’ve put it back together), a lifetime of miscellaneous hurts and traumas. I need to take these things out of their hiding place. @adamarks said it beautifully in their fic, Oh, Hello, I need to scrub out the inside of my heart with tears and elbow grease and anger and work. I want to put myself back together piece by piece until I resemble something presentable. So eventually I can get to stage 5-acceptance (and hope, but that’s scary as fuck).

I sure hope you haven’t read to this point, because this is all just me working through my feelings about this book and it’s probably mind-numbingly boring. If you did, I hope you found at least a shred of something relatable. If not, I apologize for the wasted time. I promise to go back to my regularly scheduled programming after this. I just needed to shit this log out of my brain so I can move on.

I love you all.

Viv

[ragingwave]

i’m not the VERY BEST with words, but i’ve just been thinking all day and I hope it’s okay for me to share why that 2019 meme has been overwhelmingly meaningful to me

To preface everything before I start, I really don’t like getting too personal on my roleplay blogs. This is an escape space and I don’t want to hinder that for myself or anyone else. I’ve been back and forth all day if this post is even necessary and if I should just move on.... but I eventually did decide that making it is something staple for me, in the year’s road to recovery i’ve been on and it’ll be something i’d like my future self to look back on someday. So i’m sorry in advance if this off puts anyone! 

In late 2018 I lost my mother suddenly. It was a huge blow for me being raised in a single parent family. One day she was here perfectly fine and the next day it was just me. Trying to face that reality, having to try to grow up overnight— I didn’t really take to that well. This time last year, I was counting down the days until I took my own life. Everything was so calculated and specific from the date and how...I’d never been that close to going through with that before and it was scary... But I really thought I couldn’t make it without my mom. I didn’t think I knew how anyways. 

So getting past that, rolling into 2019 I promised to myself i’d make this year something to remember. Yes, my mom passed, but I didn’t want to crutch on that. I didn’t want it to define my life now. I’d try new things and go on adventures i’d be afraid of. One of those things ended up being trying to give independent roleplaying a shot again. Legit every experience i’ve had trying to make blogs in fandoms past have either gone awfully or just fell through on me. Making Nessa in June was really my make or break on roleplaying on Tumblr at all. 

Reading everyone’s messages last night (WHICH i’ve queued to post over night because I don’t want to spam the dash too much ;;) was really...I can’t express it honestly? I really want to and I wish I could, but just my primary thought reading each of them, even if we’ve hardly talked is, I can’t believe I wouldn’t have met this person had I taken myself away. Nearly a year ago I almost tried to take my life. I never thought I would find a place in a community. I never thought i’d be able to live again, to write again, to love again, to be myself, to do something I love and make so many friends. I genuinely thought I would never smile and laugh and have fun again, but that’s all I do each day I log onto this account. This year has given me so many days of laughter and glee and a handful of them come from just sitting here at my screen on this account. Just reading everyone’s messages struck me in the biggest way that hey girl you’re really standing here in this sad timeline where i’m without my mom but i’m surrounded by more people than ever before.

And i’ve got this personality where I enjoy giving and showing love more than I know I need to in all things. It’s just how i’ve always been and I never ask nor expect to give or receive as much love in return. But with that meme I got so much love of it, so many heartfelt words and deep expressions that was beyond what I expected from a silly time passer internet meme. I crashed to sleep last night because I didn’t know how to handle it. I woke up this morning and didn’t know how to handle it still. I’ve been laying low all day because I don’t know how to handle it without saying something or having something here for the people who just took out the time to say something know how much doing that impacted me. I’ve just read all these messages over and over again today cause I just remember where I was a year ago and how unreal all of it feels. 

But it is real and there’s absolutely no way I can tell everyone thank you in any fathomable way than just letting my emotion bleed out on the internet because that’s just how it be in this gen of life. It feels like i’ve come full circle in a chapter of my life that I started drowned in helplessness and despair. I swore to myself that i’d make 2019 a year of memories, where i’d grow and rediscover myself despite being on a path dabbled in grief. I’m so glad that I found many of you. I’m so happy that I stayed to be able to welcome new people into my life and touch others. I’m just happy y’all. I feel like i’m going to walk into 2020 with my head so high. I wish I could better express how freeing it is to say that.

ANYWAYS, THAT’S the end of my sappy on main post of the evening. If you’ve read this far, you’re a trooper and I appreciate you hanging tight! I just wanted to get this out there and off my chest for a blog that’s become a staple of my “rebirth”. ;v; ♥ I’ll go back to ya regularly scheduled dose of Nessa probably tomorrow again. But I just wanted to say i’m so happy to be here with you.