#i probably should get back on my anti depressants
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#barely heard a word from my friends and its been 2 months now#apart from ryan no one hit me up#ryan is such a real one but i cant bare speaking to em without feeling like im being a burden even when told#he's got his problems and im always okay hearing him out and talking him through it. its more of me not being able to speak about me.#even then some times im just sad for no reason and its just a huge low for no reason#i probably should get back on my anti depressants#i told myself i didnt want to rely on them to give me a semblance of a peaceful mind#but there are some times where i really am the worst person to myself#i still stand by not talking to Kahlil anymore cause i should have never forgave him for what he did#telling a friend struggling with depression to kill themselves will never be forgiven by me#it really showed me how evil the dude is#some times i feel okay not having friends and then there are times I want to talk about something-#and not feel like an annoyance or boring..#my mind really is my worst enemy#it doesn't help that im so inconsistent
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I'm so, so tired of seeing proshippers try to support proshippers getting sent death threats, rape threats, suicide bait, etc. with "don't let the assholes win!" Oh so you don't give a shit about the minor being dogpiled, this is just about an us vs. them thing. Cool cool. Uh, here's the thing, though - maybe the person on the other side of the screen is a person, and thus this "SPITE! Write more out of SPITE and HATE and HATE HARDER THAN THE HATERS!" is going out to a normal-ass human being. And normal-ass human beings are not shounen protagonists who rise up and overcome their rivals out of spite and make a bunch of friends along the way and live for the rivalry yadda yadda. They're just... people. And you're responding to their pain with, "if you take a break from writing you're letting other people win. You're losing. You're failing. Breaks are loser behavior. You're LETTING the people harassing you win, because you suck."
Recently two major authors in my tiny fandom quit and the response from the proship contingency of the fandom has been, "FIGHT THE ANTIS!" "Don't let them win!" and I'm at a loss trying to explain this but like... some people don't want their hobby to be fighting other people. Some people didn't start writing in order to go "I'll show them!" they started writing because they had a cool idea for a story they wanted to tell. Not all of us enjoy "tormenting the antis through good art", to quote one person in my fandom. Sometimes someone just wants to write a story and share it with other people and have people enjoy it.
It's really wild to be the odd one out here but am I the only one who sees "don't let them win! spite! spite should motivate you!" and goes, "I was a depressed teen once and I think that wouldn't have motivated me to do anything"? Because seriously, the fact that no one has expressed anything along the lines of 'you didn't deserve that hate' or 'I hope you're okay' or 'take care of yourself' would probably have made me feel worse as a teen, not better.
IDK, maybe I'm the freak for thinking this is not an optimal approach. I just fail to see this as an inspiring refrain to throw at younger people in fandom. It feels fairly hollow.
(And to the fandom olds about to go "fandom was even worse back in my day, you kids would never have survived" - you realize that's worse, right? That doesn't rebut anything, it just makes me sad for you in addition to young writers. Maybe fandom always sucking is a problem, not a plus. Just a thought.)
--
This particular type of death threat wasn't common back then... but neither is what you describe, in my experience. People who are adjacent to a target often do say more empathetic things, and a fair amount of the "respond with spite" is not to someone leaving over death threats but to more commonplace annoyances that are going to occur at one's local writer's circle and anywhere else.
No, self-styled "proship" circles aren't particularly nice a lot of the time, but this hand-wringing is silly.
Besides, why are you sending me nagging posts projecting onto Olds instead of support? ;)
(I know, I know: it's because I actually am a shounen protagonist.)
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Rating Resident Evil Men’s Marriageability
Note: I tried my best to be impartial with each of the men, regardless of my personal opinions
Chris Redfield
Pros
Loyal
Protective
Trusting
Wants to see the best in people
Strong
Anti-capitalist
Cares deeply
Prioritizes family
Ass that you could bounce a quarter off of
Cons
Smoker
Prone to bouts of depression
Definitely has PTSD
Drinks to forget
Literally solves his problems by punching
Married to his job
Rude to waitstaff
Keeps secrets because “it’s better for you not to know”
Blames himself for things out of his control
Canonically a bit of a slob
Overall Score: 5/10 - Could do worse, but could definitely do better. High potential of being a stereotypical “straight husband”
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Albert Wesker
Pros
Rich
Attractive
Super strength
Super speed
Verified genius
Might destroy the world for you
Looks good in a leather jacket
Natural leader
One of only two RE men to canonically have sex
Cons
Violent sociopath
Might just destroy the world in general
Obsessed with power
Believes himself to be superior to all other beings
Turned himself into a giant worm monster
100% would track your phone
Withholds physical affection as a power play
Overall Score: 1/10 - At best you’ll exist as a bored but scared trophy spouse. At worst he’ll dissect you as part of an experiment
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Leon S. Kennedy
Pros
Loyal
Kind
Affectionate
Caring
Silly sense of humor
Protective
Willing to be emotionally vulnerable
Always wants to do the right thing
Soft hair
Trusting
Goes out of his way to help people
Cares deeply about his friends
Strong
Flexible
Tries to make the best of any situation
Dog lover
Drives a motorcycle
Cons
Definitely has PTSD
Prone to depression
Bordering on/alcoholic Degeneration and up
Body belongs to the US government
A little dumb
Should not be behind the wheel
Overall Score: 8/10 - Potential to be an amazing, loving husband with therapy and support, but may fall into toxic or even self-harm tendencies if left unchecked
-
Carlos Oliveira
Pros
Sweet
Protective
Kind
Physically Affectionate
Supportive
Strong
Cares deeply about the people in his life
Skilled with his hands
Emotionally vulnerable
Trusting
Wants to be the best person he can be
Willing to break laws to help those he loves
Natural provider (acts of service love language 100%)
Verbally affectionate
Sense of humor
Laid back attitude
Gorgeous hair
Respects boundaries
Cons
Probably has unprocessed trauma
Will do Dumb Guy Shit™️
Trusts too quickly
Will throw himself into dangerous situations without thinking it through
Will probably make inappropriate jokes without thinking unless you tell him specifically not to
Likely wanted in multiple countries
Overall Rating: 10/10 - Literally marry this man immediately. He will be a good partner, good husband, and good father. May need reigning in occasionally, but it comes from a place of love
-
Luis Serra Navarro
Pros
Always has the best intentions
Cares deeply about his friends and family
Tries to do the right thing
Sense of humor
Highly intelligent
Extremely curious
Debonair
Charming
Good dancer
Chivalrous
Book lover
Good with his hands
Cons
Doesn’t open up easily
Tends to trust the wrong people
Smoker
Doesn’t think things through
Prefers fantasy over reality
Doesn’t always keep his word
Self-serving
Unprocessed trauma
Tends to deflect
Overall Score: 5/10 - Potential to be a great partner, but would take time and patience to get there (best outsourced to a therapist)
-
Jake Muller
Pros
Snarky
Literally designed after male models
Loyal
Will have your back
Affectionate once he opens up
Surprisingly good with kids
Drives a Motorcycle
Self-sacrificing
Looks amazing in black leather
Cons
Daddy issues
Self-sacrificing
Tendency to only do things that benefit him
Takes a long time to open up
Illegal drug use
Wanted by multiple governments
Would need to be forced into therapy if he went at all
Overall Score: 4/10 - German Shepherd partner vibes. Would be forever loyal to you if you broke through his walls, but only to you. Probably wouldn’t stop any (self-) destructive habits of his either
-
Piers Nivans
Pros
Kind
Trusting
Loyal
Nice to waitstaff
Appreciates good food
Cares about the emotional well-being of his loved ones
Not easily deterred
Cons
Self-sacrificing
Codependent tendencies
Most likely has unresolved trauma
Hotheaded
Overall Score: 7/10 - The potential is definitely there, however - like Chris - Piers winds up with a high likelihood for being a stereotypical “straight husband,” mainly due to his upbringing in a military family
-
Ethan Winters
Pros
Loyal
Trusting
Kind
Good with kids
Indestructible
Gentle
Protective
Never gives up
Would still love you if you were a worm
Not easily scared
Domestic
Creative
Good under pressure
MacGyver skills
Soft
Self-sacrificing
Cons
Mold
Bad luck
Arguably too trusting
Self-sacrificing
Thousand yard stare
Overall Score: 10/10 - Like Carlos, marry this man immediately. Second only RE man to canonically have sex and the only one to get married. Just hope you don’t have a penicillin allergy
#resident evil#biohazard#leon kennedy#chris redfield#leon s kennedy#carlos oliveira#albert wesker#ethan winters#jake muller#piers nivans#luis sera navarro#luis serra#chris resident evil#re8 village#re4 remake#resident evil 6#re3 remake#please get these men some therapy#tw sh mention
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CW: Low level sim spice & Language - Guide to Content Warnings
Coleman: Was he making fun of my name or was that an old person joke
Jackson: Fucked if I know. Hey Glenn, Glenn, did you get a prize for second place
Coleman: Don't worry if you didn't because we know just what to get you
Glenn: And what would that be...
Jackson: We'll... throw you a pity party!
The twins burst out laughing but Glenn finds it easier to shrug off than he thought he would. Hey if their taunting was going to help him move on, bring it!
Glenn: Wow, did it take you all day to think of that? Or did you need to workshop it the entire time I was busy
Jackson: *laughing* A pity party! Watcher I'm hilarious
Coleman: I'll play you a moving ballad on my violin so everyone can cry as much as you
Jackson: And I can write a special poem on the death of your relationship, it'll be all poignant and stuff
Glenn: Because you know all about relationship death right
Coleman: Oh, want some ice for that burn bro
Jackson: At least I get laid. You went for how long and didn't get any tail? Embarrassing
Glenn: Not really. Some of us are looking for more than just physical connection
Coleman: Unlike those guys that got it on in Grayson's bed
Jackson: *chuckling* Dude that was so funny
Glenn: Actually that was beyond a violation of privacy and trust
Coleman: What do you think? Glenn's mad because he wasn't invited to join them for a threesome
Jackson: Like he'd even know what to do with a dick other than faint. First or second loser probably still has his cherry
Coleman: If you're nice to us Glenn maybe we'll let you practice on us. But one at a time because we're queer not incesty
Glenn: Thanks but infant is not my type. Neither are people who make up words like incesty. A real vocabulary is attractive, you should think about investing in one sometime
Jackson: You're just mad we're young and fresh faced
Coleman: And depressed you're going to be single forever
Glenn: I survived far worse than your taunting when I was growing up you know
The twins smirked and stood up. For a moment Glenn thought through what shielding spells he knew but it turned out that they were just refilling the food bowls for their dogs who were coming in. Thrash was white with a blue harness, and Throttle was black with a red collar.
Jackson: Thrash! Throttle! Food!
Coleman: Oh hey Glenn, why didn't you pet Olive? The challenge for that day was literally interact with Olive. Did the producers not tell you
Jackson: Are you like anti dog or something
Coleman: Even idiots know if you want in with the owners you spoil the pets
Jackson: But not so much that you're stealing their affections. One time I tried befriending this girls cat and she said she'd rather I sleep with her sister so I did
Glenn: Look, I'm not actually here to talk to you two
Coleman: Oh no, we've been slighted. I'm gonna die from that blow
Jackson: How will my social life ever recover if Glenn the first or second loser won't talk to me
Glenn: Phoebus said Henri would be here
Coleman: He'll get back from the bakery in a bit unless he's shagging another customer
Jackson: He can't stand to be without us for long
Coleman: We're his favourite people
Glenn rather doubted it but it seemed in poor taste to criticize legal orphans for claiming to be beloved so he let them carry on.
Previous ... Next
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Be More Ghost Chapter 2: I Love Ghost Hunting
Summary:
A Be More Chill AU where Danny gets a Super Quantum Intel Unit Processor (or Squip) to help him become cool and win over Valerie, but things don't really go as planned.
Masterpost | AO3 Link | Word Count: 1,746
I love ghost hunting because it’s the best! Because it is fun. I love ghost hunting and I get depressed whenever I’m done.
As Danny stood in the doorway, he immediately wanted to turn back. He thought the classroom was going to be empty, but it wasn’t. Valerie was right there in the front row.
“Uh, is this where we meet for the ghost hunting club?”
Valerie turned to face him. “No, this is the play rehearsal.”
Danny turned to go. Valerie called after him.
“Wait, I was kidding, yeah this is the ghost hunting club!”
Danny turned back to face her and nervously sat at the desk next to hers. “Oh, um, cool.”
Valerie smiled at him. “I’m kind of surprised to see you here, Danny.”
“Haha, yeah…” Danny didn’t really want to explain himself. This was a really bad idea. Just being near Valerie made all coherent thought leave his brain. He was shaking a little bit. Valerie noticed.
“Are you nervous?”
“What? No I’m just…” Danny shivered. “I’m just cold.” He rubbed his arms. He wasn’t lying, he did suddenly feel a lot colder. Was the AC broken in this room or something?
“Oh, well it’s okay if you are nervous,” Valerie said. “I’m a little nervous about coming to this club too, but mostly I’m excited.”
“Yeah?” Danny probably should have expected this. She was the Red Huntress, after all.
“Yeah, I love ghost hunting!” Valerie said. “I think it’s the best! I mean, it looks fun.” Valerie didn’t know that Danny knew that she was a ghost hunter, so she was still trying to cover her secret, at least a little bit.
Danny just nodded. He wasn’t sure how he should react right now.
“I’m just really passionate about it, since those ghost scum really need to be eliminated,” Valerie started to rant. Danny looked intently into her eyes, though he wasn’t really listening anymore. Even though her wrath happened to be directed his way, he couldn’t help but love how passionate she was.
“Oh, I think the club should be starting soon,” Valerie said, glancing at the clock above the classroom door.
“Where is everyone then?”
“I guess it might just be us two-”
The classroom door opened and all the A-Listers walked in, chatting loudly as they moved to their seats at the back of the classroom. Mr. Lancer arrived shortly after and stood next to the desk at the front of the room.
“Hello, welcome to Ghost Hunting Club… I’m glad some of you are taking the initiative for this extra credit opportunity.” Mr. Lancer seemed to be staring directly at Danny. He cringed a little bit and slid back in his seat.
“When do we get to hunt the ghosts?” Dash asked loudly from the back of the classroom.
Mr. Lancer crossed his arms. “Mr. Baxter, please wait until the end of my explanation for questions. This club is going to be more about ghost hunting research than field work, since that is best left to the experts.”
Danny saw that Valerie looked disappointed at that information. He tried not to show that he was relieved. Ghost hunting research was something he could probably manage. Maybe this extra credit stuff wouldn’t be so bad.
Mr. Lancer started pacing as he continued. “Your assignment will be to create an informative presentation about ghosts and ghost hunting that will be shown to your classmates in one month.”
Danny looked over to Valerie as Mr. Lancer explained what the club was going to do. At least she seemed excited. Danny didn’t feel great about potentially having to present anti-ghost propaganda.
A shiver ran down his back and a cloud of cold air escaped his mouth. Danny straightened up in his seat and looked around, but didn’t immediately see what had triggered his ghost sense. No immediate threats, but it would probably be good to go check-
Danny’s thoughts were interrupted when he heard Valerie’s watch beeping. Her ghost sensor had picked up the ghost too. He and Valerie stood up at the same time. She glanced at Danny with a worried expression but he looked away and walked out of the classroom without saying anything. Valerie followed behind him.
Danny quickly walked around the corner out of Valerie’s sight and turned invisible before phasing through the door of a nearby storage closet. He heard her walk by as he took a second to wait before transforming and then flying outside.
“Hello, ghost child,” Skulker greeted as Phantom returned to tangibility few yards above the school’s roof. The large mechanical ghost was already pointing a missile at his face.
“Hey, Skulker. Got some new toys from Plasmius?” Phantom asked, whirling away as a missile launched a bit too close to his face for comfort.
Skulker just grinned in response as he fired more missiles. Phantom returned the fire with some of his own ecto-blasts in rapid succession. He was about to aim a blast right at Skulker’s head when a bolt of pain shot through the back of his left shoulder.
He turned and saw Valerie in her ghost hunting suit, floating on her board a few yards away from him. Smoke was still coming out of the gun she just hit him with.
Phantom waved with the arm she hadn’t just shot and gave her a smile. “Red! You’ve come to join the party?”
“You’re going down, Phantom!” The huntress glared at him through her red helmet, not lowering her gun from his direction for a second. Phantom sighed and started dodging around both Skulker and Valerie’s attacks.
He knew she was dangerous and literally shooting at him, but he still thought Valerie looked beautiful as she dove through the air on her hoverboard. Something was probably wrong with him. He felt one of Skulker’s missiles graze his leg as he took a second too long to fully dodge. He shook his head and tried to focus.
“Time to become ghost toast, Skulker!” Phantom charged a bigger blast in his hands and fired at the ghost’s neck. As he’d hoped, the strength of the hit was enough to knock Skulker’s mechanical head off his body, leaving the tiny green blob ghost plummeting to the ground.
With one smooth motion, Phantom grabbed his thermos from where it was attached to his belt, uncapped it, and sucked Skulker in before he hit the ground.
“Got him!” Phantom rattled the now-occupied thermos and then turned to look for Valerie. He winced when he felt the gun touching his forehead.
“And I’ve got you.” Valerie sneered at him. He gulped.
“I… kind of have something I need to get back to, think we can reschedule this?” He grimaced as the gun poked harder into his head.
“I don’t think so, ghost. I’m enjoying this too much to leave now.”
Phantom had to admit she wasn’t kidding earlier when she said she loved ghost hunting. She did seem to like it a lot and was also very good at it. Almost too good at it.
He heard the gun whine as Valerie tensed her finger on the trigger. He had to do something soon!
With a jerky flail, he grabbed the gun and whacked it away from his face and the shot blasted right next to his ear, hitting a tree behind him. He turned invisible and flew at top speed back into the school and into his familiar storage closet.
He sunk to the ground, panting as rings of light appeared from his waist and swept over his body.
“That was too close,” Danny muttered as he checked for any new injuries. Luckily, he had gotten through that fight without too much damage. He rubbed at his sore shoulder, then opened the closet door and started making his way back to the ghost hunting club.
Mr. Lancer didn’t acknowledge him as he walked back to his seat. A few minutes later, Valerie entered the classroom and took her seat again too.
“And that is it for this session. Start doing some ghost hunting research to get ideas about what you’re going to present!” Mr. Lancer concluded the meeting and walked out the door.
Danny grabbed his bag from the floor. He turned to Valerie, hoping to start another conversation with her but was surprised to see Dash standing in front of her desk. Valerie seemed surprised too.
“Hey, Valerie.” Dash seemed almost nervous. Why would Dash be nervous talking to Valerie?
“Baxter? What do you want?” Valerie put her hands on her hips.
“I, uh, wanted to apologize for how you got kicked out of the A-Listers. It’s super not cool that happened to you just because your dad lost his job.”
“Why are you apologizing now? That happened last year, Dash.” Valerie glared at him. He seemed to quiver under her harsh stare. Danny thought Dash was probably feeling the same intimidation he felt when she pointed her gun at him earlier. Man, she was so beautiful when she was angry.
“Yeah, I know. I just wanted to say it now. I think you’re still A-Lister material,” Dash adjusted his letterman jacket, “and I think it’s cool you’re in the ghost hunting club.”
“Really? I didn’t know you were interested in ghost hunting. I assumed all the A-Listers were here for the extra credit or something.”
“No, I am interested. I think it’s cool. Anyway, cya later Valerie.”
“Bye Dash.” Valerie waved and started gathering her things. She had a thoughtful expression on her face.
Suddenly a spike of pain seared his injured shoulder as Dash punched his arm. Danny gasped and turned to look at the bully.
“Hey, Fenturd, someone wrote ‘BOYF’ on your backpack,” Dash said and left the classroom, the other A-Listers trailing behind him.
Danny gritted his teeth and rubbed his shoulder. How did Dash always accidentally aggravate his injuries? Well, at least with the A-Listers gone, maybe he had a chance to talk to Valerie again. He looked back to where she had been but saw she was pretty much already out the door.
Right before she left the room, she turned back to where Danny was still standing by his desk and waved.
“Cya, Danny.”
“Oh, uh, bye.” Danny waved back weakly with his good arm. Valerie smiled at him and left.
Alone in the classroom, Danny got up and started to leave.
“I guess that could have gone worse,” he muttered, trying to reassure himself.
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Re: anti-depressants - I was in a situation where I knew I needed help and my options were either therapy alone or therapy in addition to anti-depressants. I didn't want the meds for the reasons you've listed and so I opted not take them and soldier on with therapy, and when that didn't work I dragged myself forward with no support. And honestly? I regret not taking the meds.
The therapy was useless because I wasn't stable enough to get anything out of it and whilst my situation was shit and inescapable at the time, I was incapable of doing anything that might have improved it or made it bearable because of my depression. I used to heavily day drink whilst job searching to Deal With Everything and now I look back and think. Surely the tablets were better than that. Even if I still had to take them now, surely it's better than how all of that made me feel.
But I did make it through to the other side in the end! I'm here and I did it all by myself, no support, no medication, i was just too damn stubborn to give up! But in hindsight I feel like I crawled up the face of a mountain with a broken leg when I could have used crutches and a path instead.
Did I gain anything by taking the long road? I don't know. What I do know is that I prolonged a painful situation and probably caused more harm to myself doing it that way. So. Same result, sure, but it was a fucking miserable journey.
Anyway, I understand that it's a difficult decision to make. I can't tell you if you should or shouldn't take them, but I really hope you're in a better place soon whichever path you choose. You have such a big sunny personality and whilst we've never spoken, I miss you on my dash. Take care. We're all rooting for you!
Hey! I’ve had this message in my inbox for the past year and a bit , honestly not even meaning to keep it unanswered intentionally but just because i remember i would read it over and think so much about it after i got it . Today is the first day since the whole situation began that i’m officially off my meds and i really hope you see it because i want to say thank you! I remember how agonizing and impossible the decision felt for every reason and this message was actually what made me decide to accept my doctor putting me on the antidepressants! I don’t know if you knew but somehow this was the exact argument i needed to hear and i’m really grateful and touched that you reached out at the time and extended this hand to me. Many people i’m sure wanted to give me a shake and were frustrated by my opposition to taking medication to help and were very relieved when i acquiesced so know you have a silent fan club out there somewhere! I’m so happy that you made it and so happy that i made it and you made a really big impact on me with this message, so thank you! ☀️💛🫶
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how do you feel about the pearl clutching on here shaming any of us who are not sparing any sympathy that terrorist rapist assholes got their balls blown off? like it’s very sad that anyone innocent died, that’s still on hezbollah. I’m not wasting any time crying over or humanizing terrorists who want us all dead and I don’t care how other Jews laugh about that to cope with all the shit we’ve been through. there’s a lot of lecturing happening about how wrong it is to laugh at and how humanity isn’t conditional (I’d agree except literal terrorists who want every Jew on earth dead and see us with no humanity at all don’t deserve our respect) and how it makes us look bad. everything makes us look bad. why do we have to be mother teresa here? I’m not sorry for mocking terrorism and no one should be. it helps take their power.
i'm not going to lecture anyone for being overly empathetic in the same way i wouldn't lecture an depressed person about how a shower will make them feel better but in my opinion they are being stupid as hell. I get it. jews are called demonic monsters by so many people with power that we have to try twice as hard to show everyone we're nice people. the most humane humans ever. but like... fuck that?
it's 100% a time to laugh and celebrate when actual, factual terrorists, who don't deserve to live based on their dedication to murder and violation of basic human rights, get their literal nuts blown off. very funny, very hype. I'm probably the biggest fan. perfect dramatic irony. that punishment fits that crime. these are not guys in a bad situation, they enthusiastically murder people because they like it and they are paid well for it. I'm not saying that they aren't human but come on! It's insulting to say jews should pour one out for terrorists especially if it's for the optics or the piety or whatever!
it's also a pragmatic issue. the HHH terrorist groups aren't people you can negotiate with and cutting off their communications and hitting them with overwhelming force will beat them back with less civilian blood, quicker, than anything like asking them to stop setting everyone's country on fire. to pretend negotiation is possible is why they and iran keep regrouping and bombing shit everywhere in the middle east and around the world.
they are proud of killing people and looking tough and to ignore the irony of them getting literally castrated because they want to be the biggest swinging dicks in the world is to accept that their most toxic of toxic, anti-humanity idea of masculinity should be nursed and protected. worse, it implies it's some middle eastern cultural value that should be respected. i don't believe that, i think that's racist as hell. i don't want that in my house so why would i coddle it in any other woman's?
weeping for them supports the idea that great men really do define themselves through their violence. they really do need to blow up a few soccer fields and taylor swift concerts and kidnap a few sex slaves to be a man in arab culture which is fucking disgusting, racist and fucking stupid. no one gains ANYTHING from terrorists. if you can point out any long term good they contribute i would call you a liar.
i understand the anxiety and guilt of celebrating deaths, after all that's what terrorists do, but to shoot a man in self defense because he has stabbed you before, talks constantly about stabbing you, is stabbing you currently, while he is screaming that he will never stop...? that's both morally correct and metal as hell. if one bullet shoots off his dick too, well I'm no angle... I think that's funny as hell.
fuck 'em.
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I would also like to add a point. BTS are first and foremost singers/idols and then entertainers. So my priority would always be their music. Everyone getting concerned about Jungkook's health over ays shoot is justifiable. I mean if an artist is so exhausted that you can see on cam, what would you prefer he does besides taking rest? Promote his album which he finally got a chance to launch and duly awaited or shoot a run BTS? AYS literally was that. No addition to his talent and popularity. Other than company's wish to promote alpha and Omega pheromones.
Company is so shameless that they are promoting this nonsense rather than member's music (Tae's vinyl). I don't have any problem with Jmn and Jungkook going on a trip. I would have been far happy if it was private. But shooting something which company wants to capitalise with ulterior motives and in Lieu of their artists interest is shit and any fan who priorities these interest over their idol's health and music opportunities is clearly selfish and an anti. I said what I said.
Yes, agree on everything. I hope they can focus on their music when they get back, and I know this will probably piss off some but I think the focus should be their solo work at this point. Artistically the group was stagnating. Like, really bad. The solo work has been a breath of fresh air. Especially RPWP, I'll be so depressed if they don't let Namjoon keep going down that road. It's going to be interesting to see what happens, because the company is in trouble and they've made it clear they're hanging on for dear life until the group returns so they can save them. I hope they know how much power that gives them and they wield it to get everything they want or they walk. 🙏
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Friends in Small Places (Chapter 3)
So sorry for the wait haha- The stress is real. Anyways this is NOT my best chapter, but it does include something that I always love to see in g/t. But otherwise, I hope you enjoy!
Word Count: 3.4k
CW: Anxiety
3-Cas
When I woke up, it was quiet as usual. My head was throbbing, and my muscles ached every time I moved them, but I forced myself to sit up, finding that I was lying on the hard ground. Right. New medicine, made my body go haywire, Liam- Liam. My eyes darted all round, landing on a small figure that was copying some things down in his notebook from his laptop. He wasn’t as small anymore, which meant I was back to normal. Well, sort of. I felt drowsy. And hungry, but I usually I just go out to go eat something.
I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand, stretching out my arms as far as I could temporarily manage. Liam picked up his head, closing his notebook and laptop. What time was it? I looked through the window curtains to see that the sun was still out, but it didn’t look like it was noon at all. How long was I out for?
“Morning.” Liam greeted, walking a little closer to me. I pressed my back up further against the wall. Did I sleep through the entire I night? Where was my phone anyways?
“M-morning.” I whispered, simultaneously searching for my phone. I knew that I didn’t have to go into the lab today, but still, sometimes they liked to schedule surprise meetings or something. Last time I didn’t show up they punished me for it. I shuddered at the thought, but kept my attention on Liam, who looked like he was forcing himself to come closer to me.
I raised the hand that he seemed to be walking towards close to my chest. It’s not like I didn’t want him to touch or come near me, it’s just that I was scared I’d accidentally do something that he might not like. What if I hold him wrong or-or he gets too uncomfortable, or what if I accidentally drop him? The anxiety ate away at me until I felt myself grow a few feet. I winced, calming myself down before it could get worse. Again.
Liam took a few seconds to get out of his sudden shock, giving a shaky smile. Was that supposed to mean “I’m okay but I’m terrified of you?” I couldn’t help but look away, saddened by the thought. I wish I didn’t have to keep so in control of my emotions all the time. Anytime I want to cry I just can’t otherwise I might hurt people. More especially the regular-sized human that was currently struggling to stand on two feet. I would offer help but… I don’t think he’d be all that excited about it. Neither was I.
“How are you f-feeling?” He tired to hide how shaky his voice was, but I could tell. Most people talk like that when they’re around me anyways. They get one glimpse at the stupid band around my wrist and they automatically think I’m a threat. I mean, yeah, I have depression, but as long as I remember to refill my anti-depressants and SSRI’s I should be okay to go out in public for a couple hours. Most of the time I try to control my emotions though. Since that’s what triggers me to grow in the first place. It’s also mostly why the SSU doesn’t let me see my family for a long time. They think that if I’m around it’ll spark too much emotions all at once. It could be true, and the last thing I want is to hurt my own family.
“Um, a little better.” I sighed, seeing my phone thrown halfway across the room. Right. I completely freaked out when Liam said to open the door and ended up throwing it somewhere. I’ll just go grab it in a little bit, I wasn’t in a rush. If anything, I should probably get dressed to get something to eat. I didn’t know how to cook besides some microwaveable things I had in the fridge. Of course I had some groceries, just not many.
“Hey, um, are you hungry? I can go out to get something.” I asked, keeping my voice to a whisper while also getting ready to stand up. While I didn’t have a job, the company was giving me monthly checks to help for necessities. Clothes, food, basically anything I needed to survive. With another person here I might as well make them comfortable and help out with anything they need. It’s only the right thing to do. Especially if I’m the one giving them a hard time…
“Hm? I-I can cook something.” Liam looked towards where the kitchen was. I nervously smiled, finding it kind of funny that he didn’t realize that this entire house was accommodated for my size. Of course I can be smaller, but I wouldn’t be able to do anything but walk around on the floor. Plus, it’s hard to stay that height without the medicine. I did feel bad that Liam couldn’t do the things that he wanted to do. I didn’t know if he liked cooking or not, but maybe I could at least try to help? I’m not exactly a culinary expert.
“I can maybe help? I-if you’re okay with it of course.” I stared at my hand, slowly lowering it to the ground what seemed a few inches away from Liam to me, but must have been a couple feet to him. He eyed it warily, and the longer he stared the more shaky my hand became. How could I trust myself to carry an entire life in my hands? I don’t even trust myself anywhere around someone smaller than me.
Liam sucked in a deep breath, “I-I, um, I d-don’t-“ He paused for a minute, recomposing himself, “S-sure. If you want to.” He hesitantly walked closer to my hand, looking at my palm as if asking himself how to get on. I didn’t particularly care. It’s my first time actually holding someone. A living person in my hands. What if I drop him? What if I’m holding him wrong? I don’t want to hurt him! I would never forgive myself, and then they’d assign me a new therapist. I bit the bottom of my lip, trying my best to tilt my hand as much as I could to make it easier to climb on. Of course I could just grab Liam, but I don’t think he’d like that very much.
“You can just climb on. I don’t really mind.” I gave the best fake smile I could manage as he returned one back. He took another look at my hand, starting with hurtling on of his legs on and then falling over when I tilted my hand flat to make the rest easier for him. Apparently it just made him roll over onto his stomach. I was so sure Liam could feel how shaky I was. Of course I was nervous, but I guess I’d just have to trust myself. Something I wasn’t prone to do on a daily basis.
I stood up slowly, using both hands to cup the passenger I was currently holding to make sure they didn’t fall, and walked slower than usual to the kitchen, slightly tilting my hand to let Liam back down before I did something I was going to regret for the rest of my life.
“I don’t know how to cook, so I guess you just tell me what to do?” I kept my hands by my sides. Liam took a while to get himself back together, but eventually he just nodded his head, “D-do you have anything in the fridge?” He fidgeted with his hands while I checked, finding it kind of sad that it looked kind of bare except for a few containers filled with some leftovers, eggs, drinks, and a couple of the microwaveable plates I buy at the store.
“Just some eggs, a few plates I can microwave too.” I closed the fridge, noticing that Liam cringed. Did I do something wrong?
“It’s not healthy just eating those y’know.” He muttered, probably thinking that I wouldn’t be able to hear him. I sadly nodded my head, “My mom wasn’t able to teach me before they moved me away soooo-“ I looked away for a second, grabbing two eggs and smiling nervously down at Liam, who was thinking hard about what I had just said. Did i give away too much? He’s going to have to meet my parents sometime soon anyways. They’ll tell him all the embarrassing stories of me when I was a kid and all of the other things I did. The good and the bad. Because that’s just how they were.
“I can just make these, right?” I held them up, watching him nod and tell me what to grab and do. Liam had tried moving some objects around that I needed to use. He tired his best to use them himself, but of course he was too small, or he at least couldn’t do it by himself. I was scared that if I grabbed it at the wrong time then he’d jump and run away, so I usually just waited for him to take a break before taking the issue off of his hands.
It was kind of awkward since I should be the one already knowing I how to cook, but I guess this was fine. Liam was honestly a really great teacher. He kept me calm when I thought the heat would just make the mixture explode in my face. Again, I don’t know the slightest thing about cooking. Not at all. Can’t blame me for not knowing… but maybe Liam could teach me? No, that’d be ridiculous. There was no way that he’d do that. Plus, what if I don’t watch what I’m doing carefully enough? I could really hurt him without even meaning to.
“Liam?” I set down my plate for a second.
“Yeah?” He did the same with his, all of his attention on me. Was it weird that I was a bit nervous now? I feel like it should be the opposite. But here I was, worrying about an answer to a question I pretty much already knew the answer to.
“Would you mind teaching me how to cook? You seem pretty good at it, and I’d like you to feel more welcome here.” I tried to explain thoroughly, so he doesn’t think I’m tricking him. I wouldn’t ever dream of it, but just in case. We’ve only really been around each other for two days anyways. He has no reason to trust me. Especially when yesterday I messed it all up. I had it all planned out in my mind. I’d try to stay calm for as long as I could, let us both get comfortable with the situation (More for Liam than me) and then I wouldn’t have to be so careful around him. Turns out I couldn’t even last a day. Or maybe that was just because of the medicine. It was extremely painful. It felt like my insides were being ripped out. Do you know how hard it is to stay calm when you’re in that much pain? Hard. Very, very hard.
“Sure! U-Um, we might need to go to the store later though. If that’s okay with you of course!” He laughed nervously, trying to rid himself of the shakiness of his voice. At least he was trying. But… I couldn’t help but shake the feeling that he though I would actually hurt him over something as trivial as taking him somewhere. If anything, I’m just happy that he wants to be near me at this point.
“I don’t mind. You’re the cook here anyways.” I tried to lighten the mood. It seemed to work.
———Liam———
When Cas woke up this morning I wasn’t expecting him to be in such a light-hearted mood. If anything I thought he’d be the exact opposite. He seemed tired still, but at the same time he seemed to be trying his hardest to keep calm. Actually, that’s kind of what he looks like all of the time. No offense.
This morning was surprisingly fun. I wasn’t expecting to try and help a full on giant cook something. It’s extremely difficult to maneuver all of the utensils when they’re almost ten times your own size. I wasn’t built for moving heavy things around if you couldn’t tell. But either way, it was still a lot of fun trying to help Cas cook. It was saddening to learn that he was never taught because the company moved him away from his family. Why would they do that in the first place anyways? I don’t see a reason why they would just rip him apart from his family. I would think they’d help him out more than I could actually.
“S-sorry to ask,” I sighed, making the mistake of peering over the edge of the counter, shuddering at the devastating height I was currently at, “But could you l-let me down? P-Please?” I took a couple steps back. Cas nodded his head, extending his hand out just like before and waited for me to let myself on. I couldn’t really tell all that much, but I think he’s just as nervous as I am when he’s holding me. I can feel him slightly trembling, and even the way he moves slower than usual. I think it’s kind of funny how he cares so much about one meaningless life. Or sweet really.
I climbed onto his hand, being taken back to the living room where I had left my stuff. Right. I had a test to take on Monday… Luckily I still had the entire weekend to study. I think it’d be nice to spend at least one day with Cas. We haven’t really had the chance to get to know each other better. Maybe I can ask to make my lessons online? Just until they find my replacement. If they ever find one of course. It’s not actually that bad being with Cas. He’s really nice and gentle, doesn’t overdo anything. I have no idea why I thought it’d be so terrifying in the first place. Then again, it’s only been a couple of days.
“Thank you.” I mumbled, just barely loud enough for Cas to hear. He look a little shocked before smiling. Like a genuine smile. Not one of those fake ones he puts on to hide that he’s actually sad. I must say, I’m not doing a very good job as a therapist, but then again everything seems to be fine.
I put away most of my things inside of my backpack, heading to my little corner on the floor where my other suitcase was, filled with my clothes. I still had a lot back at my dorm, but I’m technically not living here. Just staying for a while until the SSU can make sure that the person I’m with is comfortable without me here almost all of the time.
I grabbed a few clothes, waiting for Cas to leave and change so we could head out. It was already midday anyways. I think it’ll be fun teaching him how to cook anyways. I feel bad about the whole situation he’s in. Does he even get to see his parents? I guess I’d have to ask him that.
After a while of waiting, Cas came out wearing a t-shirt and a regular pair of jeans. I couldn’t take my eyes off of the bright-red band on his wrist though. He’s not… that bad actually. I’ve only ever heard stories that shifters with a red band were a danger to society. Were they wrong? Did the company lie to us? That can’t be true… But so far everything that’s happened to Cas hasn’t been exactly great. The forced medicine, taking him away from his parents, what else have they done? So many questions I wanted to ask Cas, but we weren’t at the level yet. I feel like he’d completely shut me out if I asked him right now anyways.
“So are you fine with just climbing on again?” He crouched down on the ground, his palm down for me. I struggled to climb on, but managed on my own. He was definitely more nervous than I was.
“You good?” I chuckled lightly, getting used to it already. For someone who was so afraid of being mishandled, I was actually doing pretty good. Or maybe that was because Cas was watching everything he did so closely. Ryan was definitely right. Shifters really weren’t as bad as the stories made them out to be. Or I had made them out to be.
“Hm? O-Oh yeah! Just nervous.” He brought up his other hand our of fear of himself dropping me I was guessing. Yeah, I would not enjoy falling from a hundred foot drop right now. I was thankful for the extra protection, but this only proves that he doesn’t trust himself all that much. Another thing I can work on with him? I think it’d be a good thing to work on his self-confidence. Maybe that’s why he’s not used to being around people smaller than him? That being said… how did he live when he was younger? If he couldn’t stay comfortable at a normal height? And yet another question to ask Cas.
I admit it’s pretty scary when You’re a hundred feet up in the air, your life literally in someone else’s hands, and heading to a place you’ve never been to before. Really anything could happen, but I have to place all of my trust in I just met two days ago. I guess you can’t gain trust if you don’t give any in the first place. Still, I couldn’t get rid of the slight fear that was slowly crawling up through my entire body. Okay, maybe I was just jumping to conclusions about getting used to being carried around. This was the most terrifying thing ever.
——————
The walk wasn’t that far. (Well at least for Cas-) Maybe about ten minutes before we reached the small store that was packed with people. I guess this is what it was like on this side of the city? This was just crazy. Maybe that’s why Cas doesn’t go out much? It would make sense. It would also explain why he tried his best to avoid so many people everytime he walked down an isle. Or maybe it was for my sake? I couldn’t tell.
“What exactly do I need?” He laughed nervously, grabbing a carry basket in his free hand, the one holding me cupping even more to make sure I wouldn’t fall off. I think I’ll just stay clear of any kind of view from the ground. Yup.
“Oh, well, um, fruit? Some meat I guess? I-I can help you with that.” Cas nodded his head, walking over to the produce section and picking out a mixed bowl and some things to make a salad. Good to know that he wasn’t just microwaving everything. It didn’t take long for me to help him pick out some chicken to make for dinner tonight and something for tomorrow too. There would probably be leftovers for a good day or so afterwards anyways. I’m just glad I could help him out with something. At least somewhat.
When we arrived back home, I told Cas where to place everything, and that was basically it. I’d just have to teach him how to cook dinner for tonight. But otherwise, we would just be hanging out in the living room. I could go without studying for a while anyways. It was beyond tiring to memorize all of those formulas anyways.
“Thank you so much.” Cas laughed.
“For what? Getting groceries?” I laughed with him. Just because I’m slightly older than him doesn’t mean anything.
“Yeah. I guess so.” His hand laid up against the couch, letting me down and onto the comfy cushion. I made myself comfortable, watching Cas sit on the other couch, grabbing his phone that he completely forgot about after last night and checked on whatever was waiting for him. He sighed, placing it on the table in the middle.
“Wanna play a game?” He asked, looking a little wary. Well, it’s not like I can say no.
“Sure!”
——————
Ahhh I love when the giant doesn’t know how to cook but the tiny does. Just when the giant tries to help out as much as they can AGHH- I hope you guys enjoyed this extremely overdue chapter, again, so sorry for the long wait.
But thank you guys so much for reading! I appreciate every single one of you who read and like my work you have no idea how much it means to me that you all like it 🫶
If there is an ask in my inbox, I promise I will eventually get to it. So sorry for those of you who have been waiting (I have a little writing piece that I want to do for them)
Taglist: @da3dm
#G/t#g/t writing#g/t community#sfw g/t#giant/tiny#oc: casper#oc: liam#Friends In Small Places#My writing#I loveeee when the tiny knows how to cook and the giant doesn’t#I need to see more of that in g/t honestly#Ah i don’t even know where I was going with this chapter-#I wrote all of this at two in the morning TwT#Explains why it’s not the best haha-#But I hope you enjoyed either way#Thank you for reading!#love you guys ❤️
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honestly anyone who compares any stardew characters traumatic backstory with another’s as a way of feeling superior or validating why they like a character who starts off as kind of rude feels icky.
BUT ESPECIALLY in shane’s case, “haley changes unl-“ who ever says shit like that is, and i say this with my full chest, ANTI-RECOVERY and also.. probably has a sprinkle of classism, fatphobia and general ableism.
shane is a recovering alcoholic, he is in recovery through out most of his cutscenes. he’s going to therapy, cutting back on how MUCH he drinks (which is important!! cutting back is alot more effective than cutting off! him having a beer every once in a while is not shane “not changing”, thats him knowing when he should stop and finally being able too..) he is actively suicidal when the farmer meets him, he isn’t just going to immediately stop drinking or never have mental issues again just cause he has a partner now, he’s going to have his ups and downs and he’s going to relapse sometimes but thats not him choosing to not change!! thats just how it is when you have been so codependent on a substance for years and decide to quit it!!
i dont really understand the classism and fatphobia point? and i don't think theyre anti recovery, i think they just don't understand the way addiction works and just shanes character in general.
and for the last point, theres wayyyyy too many people that marry shane/like shane because hes the "i can fix him" character in the fandom and it always gives me a bad feeling. so many of them its super annoying that they expect him to quit completely and be a little angel that does no wrong just because... theyre married and he got fixed with just love? and when he drinks (after marriage), they all get pissy because they dont actually understand addiction works and/or because they don't actually understand his character in general. it's so upsetting to me how shane, the depressed, suicidal and alcoholic man has just become the "i can fix him character".
#sorry if i went off topic but i think it does relate to the ask#is the shanerot showing?#tw rant#stardew shane#sdv shane#shane sdv#stardew valley
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Tumblr fucking sucks ass and I'm not joking. I think I might hate this place actually. I hate the shitty circular queer discourse that ALWAYS assumes malice or disgust and nobody is given the benefit of the doubt and if they do are also presumed guilty, I hate that every single statement needs to be couched in qualifiers and conditions and speaking on One Topic about One Group is not fucking allowed, I hate that this website has built a transphobic surveillance culture around itself, I hate that people will see ONE POST that sucks and spend the next several months publicly ruminating over it and extending the discourse long after it's run its course and assuming the worst about everyone involved, I hate that seven out of ten posts about feminism are made by the terfs who run rampant on this site and have nothing better to do than spew vitriol and hate because they don't care to develop the emotional maturity to see anything from a point of view other than their own, I hate that the moment a transgender person dares to have sexual wants and desires outside of the vanilla ideal you’re a freak and a deviant and a pedophile somehow, I hate that for SO LONG we let depressed anti-recovery teenagers dominate the attitude regarding mental health and self-improvement here and it has had lasting effects TO THIS DAY, I hate that as the internet has gotten meaner and crueller and less accommodating that the place that loves to pat itself on the back for its openness and tolerance has 100000% followed suit, I hate that every single fucking topic is dominated by overconfident white shutins who do not talk to other people irl let alone queer ones, I hate how every interesting and important topic of social justice is co-opted and bastardized into an unrecognizable cudgel that only further enforces the status quo rather than challenging it as they're meant to, I hate how often the gender binary is re-invented and deviations from it are punished, I hate that we love to say shit like 'be cringe be free uwu' but the second a member of the cringe queers du jour makes something twee or says something stupid everyone jumps on the dogpile to talk about how that entire group should be prevented from speaking or making art or associating with REAL queers, I hate that making points about double standards and discrimination always involves using people we should be in solidarity with as a gotcha if not throwing them directly under the bus, I hate that for all the talk about engagement with fandom we have nobody ever decides to actually examine their engagement thereof and how so much of it is still a cesspool to this day, I hate how everyone makes such huge generalizations and expects everyone to agree (guilty but I'm pissed), I hate how people take fucking everything personally (including myself), I hate that people are going to read this and get mad at me because everyone here has worse reading comprehension than the average fifth grader, I hate that people cannot self-express without other people getting indignant because they didn't see themselves in it, I hate that the only other regularly inhabited parts of the internet anymore are fifty times worse about ALL of this, I hate how much of a fucking nightmare for my mental health this has become, I hate that people are probably gonna give me sarcastic or smug 'yeah you should probably just log off king's in the comments or to me personally, I hate how much of this I personally am guilty of, and I especially hate that I'm still fucking here.
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Hello! This is random but I remember a post you made defending Aziraphale and you ended it with ‘anything you thought of Aziraphale he’s probably thought of something ten times worse’ and I have ‘Anti Hero’ on my AziCrow playlist most for Aziraphale and I dunno….it matches that he probably has a lot of low feelings towards himself like people say
Hi there. 💕 Hope you're having a great day. There is ice cream because Aziraphale having the blues-- and the blues, in general-- is an ice cream sort of topic, no? 🤗 I could see that song for Aziraphale. Midnights become my afternoons/When my depression works the graveyard shift is so Aziraphale it could have been written by him (and, hey, in Good Omens, that's a possibility, no offense to Taylor Swift lol.)
If you'll indulge me, I have a way of looking at the story that I think goes with what you're saying and might make Aziraphale's negative self-thoughts easier overall to see for anyone who is interested in that.
In S2, but also going back into S1 & the novel, Good Omens has made the bookshop a metaphor for Aziraphale. The show uses the bookshop and Crowley's relationship with it-- giving us more and more information about it as the story goes along-- as a way of helping us understand his relationship with Aziraphale. Symbolically, it's why the bookshop burns down when Aziraphale experiences a form of death when he's discorporated in S1.
The bookshop is not really *just* Aziraphale because Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship means that Crowley is also the bookshop and Aziraphale is also The Bentley but the point is that they're electing to share the bookshop and the car with one another. At the core, though? The bookshop is symbolically Aziraphale because it's his to decide to share.
So, if Aziraphale is the bookshop? Then access to the bookshop is, metaphorically, access to Aziraphale, right?
It's whose voices he's listening to. Who can get in and who can get past the threshold and who Aziraphale tries to keep at arm's length is represented, in many ways, by entry into the bookshop.
So, now think about all those doors and windows in the show, especially in the bookshop scenes. Think about Shax circling the shop all season. Think about her demanding to be let in to the office of Aziraphale's parallel, Beez. Think about Aziraphale listening to a record and having that peace be being interrupted by the anxiety of Gabriel's arrival-- symbolic, in part, for his Heaven-related trauma sometimes interrupting his ability to enjoy his life. Think about the supernatural police in the living room and the fact that we now see that the back room is full of furniture and accessories, as if being stockpiled for a future Aziraphale is struggling to find a way towards. Think about how the only, other one with free reign everywhere in the bookshop is Crowley.
Think about the moments when it becomes clear that the threshold in the bookshop is actually the cash wrap and that everyone-- human, angel, or demon alike-- is capable of getting through the front door and that symbolizing that Aziraphale is an empathetic person who cares about everyone but has put up walls to try to protect himself, like everyone else. Think about Crowley working to keep a demon literally at bay from the bookshop and that demon finding Aziraphale anyway and then getting in his head on his drive back from Edinburgh.
Think about how there is another shop-- one for which Aziraphale likely owns at least the land and maybe also the building, so it's symbolically Aziraphale as well-- to which he loves to go more than almost anything-- the magic shop around the corner.
It makes him happy and is something he loves and works hard to learn. It represents how much he loves living life on Earth... but this has, in the past, been his reaction as to whether or not he should go into the shop and explore that passion more:
Humans. He means it's for humans only.
The professional conjurers who shop at Goldstone's are human, working, professional magicians and if Aziraphale had the chance to live his ideal life, he'd live it being one of those and living in a seaside cottage overrun by books and plants with Crowley. Not an angelic ambassador and not a bookshop owner-- these are compromises to him. The bookshop ownership is so he can have a place to store his books; the embassy is so he can have privacy and a house. Aziraphale lives a compromise of a life. He is very clever and very brave about carving out one for himself and Crowley-- notable because, according to Heaven, he's not supposed to want a life for himself at all.
Being an angel is a constant feeling of having been made by God to be not a human-- despite the fact that his own wants and needs are no different from many humans. In this way, he's similar to humans who come from very religious families or to a progressive priest who lives in a constant state of conflict between the limitations of his vocation and his desire to be more of a part of the world, instead of always needing to be one step removed from it.
It's also something of a queer metaphor. Aziraphale is refreshingly fine with his queerness but his feelings of being "other" in his societies are represented by the fact that while he lives as an angel amongst the humans, both the human world (via his queerness) and the supernatural world (via the fact that he's an "unusual" angel) are designed to make him feel like he doesn't belong and that the world isn't for him. That has been his experience for a very, very, very long time-- with him maybe only slightly beginning in S2 to start to feel safe in the idea that enough might be changing for that to start to look different for both the world as a whole and him individually in the future.
That's essentially his struggle in S2. He no longer works for Heaven and he has no idea what a non-working angel is or how to define himself, exactly, but Gabriel nails Aziraphale's whole conflict in a sentence in 2.01: "You know when you don't know anything and yet, you're certain that everything would be okay if you could just be near this one, particular person?"
Aziraphale knows he's a mess over Heaven abandoning him and that Crowley is being lovely about it (not like Crowley doesn't know what that's like from his fall) but Aziraphale is trying to figure out how to get to the other side of it. It's hard to do because Armageddon 2.0 could be around the corner any day and there is still a lot of danger for he and Crowley in being openly together that is coming from the supernatural world, if less now from the human world.
Aziraphale doesn't know what to do about the bookshop-- which, as we've said, is symbolically Aziraphale himself. He doesn't know what to do about himself and his life or if he should really be able to do anything because to say he wants to and make a big move in his life is to declare openly not only that he has one in the first place, which he still often likes to pretend he doesn't, but it's allowing himself to view himself as a person who, just like everyone else, has needs in life that need to be met, and accepting that it is okay to go after them.
There's a religious teaching known as "the devil takes the hindmost" that I think the show is referencing a bit with Aziraphale. Mrs. Sandwich actually refers to it without knowing she is when she says "the devil take it"-- an old curse that came out of the teaching but doesn't quite mean the same thing. The central idea from the way "the devil takes the hindmost" was explained to me is that everyone knows being a selfish person is a bad way to live but, equally not good? Is being too much of a self-sacrificing person.
There is nothing wrong with being as kind and generous to others as you can. Nothing wrong with it at all. It's when it crosses from that into a state of being so self-sacrificing that you never make yourself a priority in your own life that it becomes damaging not only to yourself but to those around you.
When you deny yourself what you need while bending over backwards to help everyone around you, it builds a kind of stew of misery in a person. It leads to anger, depression, anxiety.
The longer it goes, the worse it can get, and the more at risk a person is for falling into a state of despair.
When you shut out those around you and don't let yourself have the love and care you need, you are inviting in the devil and "the devil" here can be viewed in a secular way-- it can just mean darkness.
This is how "the devil" (on Good Omens, likely *literally* Satan at the end of S2) can get fundamentally good people. The devil takes the hindmost-- he takes the people left at the back of the pack. Some of those people are at the back of the pack simply because they have put everyone else in front of them and shut out the attempts of others to protect and love them in return.
I think this is what's happening with Aziraphale.
In S2, we see in 1941 that there are times when the imposter syndrome and the depression gets so bad for Aziraphale that he will do things like shut himself off from his pursuit of human magic. He'll not go to Goldstone's, not let himself practice and perform-- even though it's harmless, he loves it, and it makes him happy. In a lot of ways, that's a form of self-harm. It's a form of self-torture, really.
It's also not much different from how he seems to fluctuate between indulging in things that are healthy pleasures and retreating guiltily from him. The same angel who went wild with some ox ribs back in the day had a grand total of a sip of sherry, a sip of tea and a travel sweet for the entirety of S2 in the present. The four eccles cakes still sitting on that plate are a cry for help.
Objectively, he sees nothing sinful or wrong with food (or its euphemistic parallel of sex) and has pretty healthy attitudes towards both-- except for when his depression is in full-swing and then, ironically, just like as is the case with many humans? His capacity for pleasure is diminished because his negative thoughts are getting in the way. He eats less. He has trouble getting in the mood. He shuts down and talks to Crowley about his feelings less, causing Crowley to gripe to Shax about ducks needing to talk about their frozen peas and who better to know that than Crowley himself, who is very similar?
He was in one of those low places until the events of this night in 1941 that we've been watching gave him an excuse to do some magic to help Crowley. He was depriving himself of a harmless thing he enjoyed out of guilt that it wasn't for him, telling himself he was weak for wanting it and silly to think that he might be able to enjoy it like a human because he's not one of them... even if he is just like them.
Surely, they'll smoke him out because he's not one of them, right?
It's the same thing as imposter syndrome is for humans.
It's the way, later on, during the performance, Aziraphale begins it with: I'm sure you're all thinking... what's that *man* doing up there? and calls himself and his magic "jiggery-pokery"-- an act, in more ways than just a magic performance on a stage.
Crowley-- who has his own myriad of mental health struggles-- supports Aziraphale flawlessly here in a way that hurts so good because the series of unfortunate events of the present of S2 means Aziraphale was denied this when he probably needed it more than ever. It was just right in 1941, though.
He reassures Aziraphale not just by saying that he's clever at human magic but that what makes him a person, like the humans or anybody else, is that he's "about to perform on the West End Stage"-- meaning, both that everyone, to some extent, is play-acting a role when in public and Aziraphale's anxiety over feeling separate from the humans, ironically, is the same thing as is experienced by many humans. He says that Aziraphale trying at life and taking this risk to perform his magic show... allowing himself to live a life of his own... allowing himself to do something he likes, to contribute something directly of his own to the world and accept that it's his, too... and that he is willing to be that vulnerable and that brave and that human to help Crowley because he loves him?
That makes him like the humans. That makes him full of their sort of magic, too.
If living a life of his own, if being willing to take a risk, if pursuing happiness, if being in love and letting that make him even more brave than he already is doesn't make someone a "professional conjurer"-- a person-- then Crowley doesn't know what does.
It melts the anxiety out of Aziraphale...
Look at all his pain just fall away for a moment when the person he loves reminds him it's okay-- you get to be a person too, you know.
It's what makes "just enough of a bastard to be worth knowing" honestly the loveliest possible way Crowley could ever say to Aziraphale that he loves him, as it's saying that Aziraphale is a whole, imperfect person who is worthy of love just as he is.
But now? Go back to the present of S2 and think about how demons, collectively, can represent a person's inner demons-- their negative self-thoughts and struggles-- and that the entire climax of S2 is a bunch of demons showing up at the bookshop door.
When do they show up?
Just when Aziraphale has let in everyone under the sun in an effort to finally let himself live the more open life he craves but struggles to allow himself to really have, due to his perfectionism. He's "supposed" to be a perfect angel, remember... he's "supposed" to be superhuman...
Think about what it says that the pack of demons is led by Shax, played by Miranda Richardson, who played Aziraphale for part of last season, as well as the character with whom he shared a mind and a body for awhile?
It has the effective of Aziraphale almost talking to himself a bit, which is added to by Shax's unnerving ability to sound like she's parroting people's dark inner thoughts back to them. (Likely because she kind of is, especially with Maggie.)
The demons get in because Maggie-- a woman just like Aziraphale, with her own struggles with negative self-image, who parallels Aziraphale. Like him, she is exhausted and angry and fed up and she tries to rid herself of those thoughts but, also just like him, she goes too fast, tries too much at once, and she makes mistakes that cause the negative thoughts to worsen.
It's Maggie who can let the demons into Aziraphale's bookshop because she's humanity to him; she represents his long history with it and she's the closest human to him currently in his life. She's family and your concerns about your family's welfare can sometimes bring about your own struggles. The bulk of S2's plot is made up because Aziraphale is trying to help Maggie and protect Gabriel-- trying to help the two people not named Crowley who are his family from both worlds he inhabits-- and he involves Maggie in that because he feels like he messed up with her earlier in the season. His own anxiety led him to say something unintentionally callous to her when he implied that it would take a miracle for Nina to see her as a viable partner and then spends the season trying to fix that.
The bookshop is Aziraphale and the bookshop is under attack by demons. The bookshop attack is, in a lot of ways, symbolic of an anxiety attack. It's part of Aziraphale's mental health breakdown that is the end of S2.
It hurts even more because Aziraphale is such a strong person-- and that's the point. People who have mental health struggles aren't weak people. They are strong for what they have to put up with in their own minds everyday just to keep going forward.
Sometimes, that's easier said than done, though. Sometimes, a series of unfortunate events happen and conspire to take someone already on the edge a bit and start to push them over it. It doesn't mean that it's ultimately insurmountable. As Gabriel discovered, every book will fall-- every person, at some point in time or another, will have some form of mental health struggle to some degree. But you know what go back up?
Flies.
If you let others in and let them give you the love and protection and help that you give back to them then all of you will be okay and none of you will be left behind to the darkness.
Gabriel himself is proof of this. He let Beez, Crowley and Aziraphale in and he let them all help keep him safe and what happened as a result of that?
The Devil can't see him. The darkness can't find him.
After all, if Aziraphale owns most of Whickber Street then the humans of The Whickber Street Shopkeepers & Traders Association are all characters in their own rights, yes, but they actually represent different aspects of Aziraphale, and Crowley and Aziraphale. As the attack on the bookshop worsens (so, as Aziraphale's metaphorical breakdown worsens), Crowley saves our Whickber Street gang from the demons, right?
Out the front door of Aziraphale's bookshop go characters representing everything positive in Aziraphale's world that keep the darkness of his demons at bay: love, sex, romance, healthy communication, food, love of stories, history, creativity and making art, music, a sense of free self-expression, special occasions, human magic, etc..
Because that's what happens when anxiety and depression and the negative self-thoughts symptomatic of them start to rob you from the wonders of life that make it worth living, is it not?
With what does Aziraphale then have left with him in his bookshop to fight his demons?
He has knowledge of how to do so from him and Crowley working together to fight Crowley's own (represented by the fire extinguishers). He has Gabriel and Maggie-- the angel and the human with issues of their own who represent the closest things Aziraphale has to family from both of the worlds he's been living in-- and Nina, whose American-themed coffee shop represents the liberation and freedom Aziraphale would like to permanently have-- both from the Heaven/Hell misery and from his own negative thoughts. They work together to help protect Aziraphale the way that he helps to protect them. They use Crowley's fire extinguishers to do it. They use old encyclopedias (books/knowledge/the experience of other people) to try to help.
But others can only help so much. They are invaluable resources and great support but, in the end, it's up to an individual person whether or not their bookshop is going to be overrun by their demons.
So, how does the bookshop attack end?
How does Aziraphale get the demons to stop attacking when he finally can't take any more?
He takes off his halo and blows it up.
The actual demons on the show cannot withstand the halo because they're also symbolic demons. If you take off your halo-- if you allow yourself to be an imperfect person and accept that you are one and you don't need to be any different from who you are-- then you are setting yourself free from your own inner demons.
Aziraphale is breathing anxiously when he takes off his halo. It physically hurts him to do it, as struggles with mental health can do a number on the body. The halo doesn't sit *above* his head, it sits *around* his head. It's tight. It's a vice that has his mind in a grip and it takes effort to break free of it.
That's why Heaven hates angels blowing up their halos-- it's a declaration of independence. It's asserting a more full sense of autonomy over themselves.
A halo is mental suffering. It's also Crowley's laurel wreath digging into him in Rome and Bildad's headwrap. It's Maggie's headbands. It's the strap holding Muriel's hat on. It's the crown of negativity that Pollution spreads across the world.
And what happens sometimes when you blow up your halo?
Sometimes, it can be quiet for a little while, but if you aren't fully ready or you don't let yourself have enough support, it can all come back not long after-- and, sometimes, even worse.
That's really the war Aziraphale started by blowing up his halo.
He triggered an inner battle within himself, represented by the other characters in the story in 2.06.
Sometimes, someone can convince themselves that it's all over and everything is, if not great, getting better, when it's really not yet all over at all.
Like, say, the mistake in thinking that the halo fully stopped the bookshop from being attacked by darkness by forgetting that all the demons of Hell had already been let in behind Shax before Aziraphale blew up his halo and, as a result, that the door to the ultimate darkness-- Satan-- was still wide open the next morning.
Aziraphale will ultimately be alright. He is far stronger than he thinks he is. If you fall, you can get back up, and the best is yet to come for him but where we left him was in a not-so-great place. No one ever asks for death. They ask for coffee. They yearn to be free. But, when the thoughts get to be too much, the worst of them might start to whisper you could leave the bookshop to Muriel and Crowley might be better off without you and How much more of all of this can I really take? Maybe it would be a relief for it all to stop...
If coffee is freedom, a coffee from The Devil is the lure of death.
The elevator is a kind of death. Getting into the elevator-- after suspecting he was being tempted and then knowing with certainty to whom he was speaking since the reveal of 'The Second Coming' and knowing the offer was a lie-- was attempted suicide.
With despair comes temptation and all the dark thoughts at once, loud as ever. The end result of the bookshop attack is that, come the next morning, there was only one other voice that Aziraphale could clearly hear. He followed it into light and "went to Heaven"...
#ineffable husbands#good omens#aziraphale#aziracrow#crowley#good omens meta#good omens 2#good omens theory#tw sui ideation#tw suicide#tw depression#tw anxiety#tw mental health
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There's No Place Like Home: Part Two
Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female!Reader
Word Count: ~2k
Warnings: canon angst and violence, extra angst
Summary: Charlie is back from Oz but she's not quite how Sam and Dean remember her. You're pretending to be on your best behavior, but you're making it clear that anyone who stands in your way is only going to end up hurt.
Season Ten Masterlist
Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. I love seeing any and all comments <3
x
Instead of leaving and going back to a motel, both brothers staked out her house just in case. If Charlie is going after these people, she'll come for Barbra sooner or later. Dean got some food while Sam stayed outside of her house doing research on Charlie and what happened to her parents.
Dean got this healthy sandwich with kale that he isn't too fond of but he eats it nonetheless.
"While you were gone, I found Charlie's file online. It says here that she has anti-authority disorder, clinical depression, and violent outbursts. Man, Charlie was--"
"Dude. If a shrink interviewed us at that age, do you think the report would be all kittens and rainbows?" Dean cut his brother off. "Come on. She's a good kid. There's got to be an explanation for this, man. There's just got to be."
An hour passes before they hear a scream come from Barbara's house. They break into her house and see Charlie dressed in dark clothing standing with Barbara in her living room.
"I should have known Rocket and Groot would track me down. What, no witch?"
"Let her go," Sam glares.
"Who, her? I just want answers."
"Since when do you start pounding on people for those? What the hell happened to you in Oz?" Dean asks.
"Everything I wanted. An adventure. I even got my own little sword."
"Charlie--"
"Oh, Sam, you're adorable. You're not gonna hurt me. In fact, that's your problem--all good-guy code, no bite. What a waste." She turns to Dean. "You're always letting this albatross hold you back."
"Okay, I don't know what's going on here, but this is not you."
"Oh, it's me alright."
She twirls the knife in her hand with a smirk on her face.
"Charlie, put the knife down. Let her go. We don't want to hurt you, kiddo, but we're not gonna let you do this."
Charlie doesn't care if Sam and Dean are here, she immediately charges toward them to fight. They aren't expecting her to be so violent so they don't react quick enough. Dean takes most of the force while Sam takes Barbara to a safe place. Charlie has moves Dean has never seen before and she manages to lock her legs around Dean's neck tightly.
"Sam!" Dean gasps out.
"Are you okay?" Sam asks once he and Barbara are safe.
"Yeah."
"What did she say to you?"
"She wanted the bank statements."
Charlie tosses Dean to the ground and kicks him away before escaping out the front door.
"Charlie!" Dean curses and chases after her but she is already driving away in an SUV. He goes to the Impala to chase after her but realizes she has slashed his tires to prevent him from going after her. "Son of a bitch!!"
Sam comes running out of the house once he's done with Barbara, and he looks in the direction where she sped off.
"What the hell is going on?" Sam pants.
A yellow beetle comes speeding down the road to Sam and Dean and parks right in front of them. Dean has to do a double look to make sure the driver is who he sees it is.
"What's up, bitches?" Charlie says with a smile. Sam and Dean give her a confused look. "Right. We should probably catch up."
Dean calls someone to get his car fixed, and Charlie takes both brothers to the nearest diner to eat and talk about why there are two of her running around. After ordering, she looks around the place in confusion before sitting down across from her.
"Where's Y/N?"
"In the dungeon."
"What? Why?"
"She doesn't have a soul. I died, became a demon, got cured, but sucked her soul into my body. It's a whole thing but she's not herself. That's the short story. Now, onto you. What happened in Oz?"
"Yeah, there are two of me running around this town."
"Yeah, is dick you is some sort of a ninja?" Dean scoffs.
"She is badass, yeah."
"Okay, back up. Explain something to me. We saw you go with Dorothy into Oz."
"Yeah, it was fine for a little bit until the war of Emerald City happened. It was awesome until it wasn't. We were gonna lose so I made a deal with the Wizard of Oz. He said for us to win, I had to unleash my true darkness which he meant literally. He used the inner key of Oz. It opens a door to your soul and lets the darkness out. We're still connected physically. If you hurt her, you hurt me. The bottom line, she's bad and I'm good. Let me just tell you, being good is really annoying. Normally in a place like this, I'd be pounding Harvey Wallbangers and checking out the bartender's ass. Now all I want to do is sip club soda and send her to college."
"Okay, why is Dark!Charlie gunning for revenge?"
"She's trying to win me back. Dark!Charlie won the war single-handedly, but she did some truly awful things. I told her I didn't want any part of her near me again, ever. Going after the person who mur--mur--uh," She can't say the word 'murder' since she's the good parts of herself, "who took my parents away is her messed-up way of showing me how close we are or could be. I keep calling her 'she' but she's me. I'm the one doing this."
"Charlie, that's not who you are, okay? She's a twisted version of--"
"Me," she finishes his sentence. "I've been following her so I can catch her before she does something stupid, and just lock her away forever."
"Charlie? That's not an answer."
"Is that what you're doing to Y/N?"
"That's a different story. She'll get her soul back and until then, she stays in that dungeon."
"Sam's right. We'll go back to Oz, and we'll get the key from the Wizard of Douche, and we'll put you back together."
"Even if I did want her back, Dark!Charlie broke the key. There's no way to get back to the Wizard."
"Okay, first things first, we need to find Dark!Charlie before she finds the drunk driver. We know Barbara gave up her old bank statements, right? That means Dark!Charlie will probably follow the money back to whoever made the payoffs."
"That's what I would do," Charlie nods.
"I'll get some refills," Dean says and gets up to go to the bar counter.
He can't help but think of you and if locking you up is the best decision. If he thinks too much about it, he's gonna leave and let you out himself. You're not sure how much longer you can take being alone in the dungeon but you know Cas has been making regular visits to check on you to make sure you're still in the dungeon.
Just like clockwork, you can hear Cas walking down the stairs to the dungeon.
"Cas? I know you're out there," you say next to the door. "Come on, are you really going to ignore me?"
"I'm here to check on you. That's it."
"Open the door, Cas. I want to see you when I'm talking to you."
Cas thinks he's enough to stop you if you try anything, and he'd be right. He's an angel and you're a human. Even though you're soulless, impulsive, and aggressive, he's still an angel. Cas opens the door and stays in the doorway to prevent you from leaving.
"What do you want?"
"Look, I've spent the last month in here. In that time, I really believe I learned my lesson."
"Nice try."
"No, I'm serious, Castiel." You slink up to his side and place a hand on his chest over his tie. "Look where my past behavior has gotten me. I don't want to be in here alone, anymore. I want to be able to live my life. So, no more being sarcastic. No more hurting people. I don't want it anymore. Please believe me."
It's the way you're looking at him that has him folding. You give him the same puppy dog eyes you have given him in the past, and he chooses to believe you. Wrong choice. He nods and steps aside to let you leave, and you lean up and give him a kiss on the cheek.
"Thank you, Castiel."
You walk away from him and when you know he can't see your face, you turn that sweet smile into a mischievous smirk. When you get to the garage, you start up Dorothy's motorcycle and peel out of there to join them in Topeka.
Sam, Dean, and Charlie have been working together to try and find out who the owner of the bank statements Barbara had to give up is. Getting this information is going to take a while but until Dean's car is done, they can't really do anything but sit here and wait.
The front door opens but none of them bother to look up to see who had entered the diner. They only look up when you slide into the booth next to Charlie.
"Hey, Charlie. Hi, boys."
"What the fuck?" Dean whispers. "What are you doing here? Who let you out?"
"Your dumbass angel did. All I had to do was bat my eyelashes and fake being sad for it to work. He really is easy once you know how to play him," you smirk.
"Fucking child," Dean shakes his head.
"You're lucky I'm not shoving a knife into your gut for what you did to me. Lock me up again and I promise you'll join your parents in hell." You turn to Charlie and give her a sweet smile. "Speaking of, how's your mom doing? Hell must be pretty hot this time of year."
Charlie opens her mouth to respond but she can't say anything rude to you. Dean kicks you underneath the table and thankfully, you shut up about it.
"Okay, Charlie, we need you to hack into Barbara's bank accounts."
"I can't. It's bad. I told you, being good is annoying."
"Okay, how about you guide me through the process, and then I'm the bad one?" She does and he is able to access her bank statements. "Okay, so, Barbara's payments all came from offshore accounts which were routed through dummy corporations. They have all gone belly-up."
"Who do they lead to?"
"Russell Wellington. According to his personal records, he had a car that was reported stolen the week of the accident. The car was never recovered. After the supposed theft, he went on a sabbatical from work for two weeks and returned to work with bruises and a broken ankle."
Sam pulls up his picture and turns the laptop for you and Charlie to see.
"So, this is him? This is the man who killed my parents?"
Dean immediately closes the laptop so she doesn't fall down that rabbit hole.
"And you're done. Sam, a word, please?"
Before they can get up, Charlie stops them.
"Hey, dudes, secrets are bad."
"Fine. Charlie, I don't think you should be anywhere around this piece-of-shit salesman. We also don't think locking up Dark!Charlie is gonna work. She may be dark but she's still a part of you."
"There's a dark version of you running around? Is she more fun than you?" you ask.
"Debatable," she replies to you before addressing the brothers. "You're right. I hate it but you're right. Okay. Let's go to the bunker. Baum used the key to Oz. Maybe there's something in the Men of Letters' files about the key. If we fix it, we can get back to Oz."
"You two dig on that," Dean says. "Y/N and I are going to keep an eye on Russell and wait for Dark!Charlie to show up."
"Are you sure you want to let Y/N anywhere near Dark!Charlie?" Sam asks.
"Don't talk about me like I'm not sitting right in fucking front of you. If I wanna meet this more interesting version of Charlie, then I'm going to do it. I'd really like to see you stop me."
Dean has the remote that will activate the device on your neck but he doesn't want to know what will happen if he presses it. It'll piss you off enough to kill someone and he doesn't want that. You get up and leave the diner without waiting for Dean.
"Maybe I should be the one to do this."
"No, I got it," he sighs. "Not only do I have to protect his piece of shit, I have to deal with her."
"You have to protect Dark!Charlie. If she gets hurt, so does she."
"Be careful," Charlie chuckles nervously.
"I got it. Thanks."
x
Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)
#dean winchester#dean winchester x reader#dean winchester fic#dean winchester fanfiction#dean winchester fanfic#dean winchester angst#supernatural#supernatural fic#supernatural fanfiction#supernatural fanfic#supernatural angst#spn#supernatural series rewrite#supernatural season 10
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Some replies about us, about latest drawings, about twst in general and about other stuff.
I also added some new high resolution pngs of recent drawings on our Ko-Fi shop in case you want them… 👀
Anonymous asked:
I went to go check on your second account today (I was on a trip recently and wasn't checking twitter). But I couldn't find it? Was it nuked?
Yeah, but it’s back now! Fortunately…
Anonymous asked:
long time lurker, first time asker here bc OMG 14 YEARS?? CONGRATS!!! MAY YOU TWO HAVE MANY MORE 🥳
Awwhhh thank you so much, Anon!! <3 This is very sweet!
Anonymous asked:
14 years?! Tbh it feels so weird knowing people on the site are in relationships and such. It always feels like everyone here is just depressed single 20-somethings screaming about fandoms at each other all the time HAHAHA
I wish the both of you nothing but the absolute best!!! Seeing the both of you keep unabashedly being you even in the face of hate and shitty antis and whatnot just helps me so much with my own courage. I used to be a huge people pleaser, and it’s been so refreshing to instead ignore all the nasty people out there and just be my own problematic shipping self! I’m sure it’s the same for many others as well!
Of course, I can’t go on without mentioning your absolutely delicious art! They’re so gorgeous I’m always super excited whenever you upload! You really knocked it out of the park with the recent Sebek/Jamil piece. I’m frothing at the mouth seeing Jamil’s dark expression!!!
Also please give Mila lots of pats for me. She’s super cute and I love her face <3
I get it, Anon lol To be honest, I feel like if I weren’t lucky enough to meet Katsu, I would’ve been single as well. Maybe Katsu would too.
Thank you so much for your kind words!! I am super happy to hear that the way we deal with these issues help you out as well in a way. I say it a lot, but I can’t stress it enough: I really want people to be self-indulgent when it comes to fandoms and art… please, keep enjoying stuff that you like! <3
And thank you for enjoying my art, especially that Sebek/Jamil one! It’s funny because it was one of the sketches that I didn’t like too much initially, but Katsu did, so I worked on it a little bit, fixed some stuff, and ended up liking it as well. So it’s extra nice to hear that it ended up being a good drawing.
(Mila got both pets AND smooches with the words “this is from our tumblr Anon”.)
eh-nonnie-mouse asked:
About your new Halloween illustration: Sebek looks like he's trying so hard to look cool in front of his Malleus-sama where Jamil is exuding cool guy mafia vibes.
About the Actual Kitty Shroud Brothers: ASTAJSKSINDHH ♥️♥️♥️♥️ OMG SO CUDDLY CUTE AND PAWSSS *ahem* I love how you can clearly tell which is which and the personality between each one.
Jamil is just so effortless! He is way to cool… Poor Sebek gotta try harder lol He really wants to be the coolest and most handsome gent around.
And THANK YOU SO MUCH I’m so happy you liked the kitties!! I want to draw more kitties now… 🥹
Anonymous asked:
"(gym teacher/badly performing student)"
Gee, I wonder who
(related to a reply about Vargas being a top)
Hmmm, could it be a certain third year that was forced to do punishment exercises during the Vargas Camp? Who knows…
Anonymous asked:
Curious if you've ever thought of it. Have you ever considered a Human or Beastman! Grim? Top or Bottom? Who would fit him the best out of the cast?
Good question, Anon!
Ironically, I find it kind of difficult to imagine Grim as a human or a beastman, and whenever I try, I imagine something similar to his animal form – a hungry little gremlin lol I should draw his humanised form at least once!!
He’d probably be a bottom. The type that acts big and cool but in actuality just wants to be coddled and cuddled. The type that does something stupid and reckless and then looks down all guilty and mumbles that he’s sorry. He’s also an “ore-sama” type of character, and for some reason we tend to see those as bottoms, so I guess that tracks lol
As for the ship, I don’t really know… maybe Ace? Or Yuu since he is the one that ends up taking care of this animal lol But also Stitch because why not.
Anonymous asked:
Have you ever watched spy x family? It might not sound interesting with how family friendly is but I have a feeling you could like the main male lead and his bratty dark haired brother-in-law
Unfortunately, Anon, it’s a bit too straight and family-focused for us; I doubt we’ll be able to push through the main characters’ dynamic and story :(
Still, thank you for your recommendation!
Anonymous asked:
Are you interested in romance games? If so you should check Touchstarved, good world-building set in an post apocalyptic medieval era, the love interests are eye catching and if creating a oc to ship with is not your cup of tea the guys dynamics between each other have a lot of shipping potential~ (two are exes/fuck-buds/situationship)
I think I heard about it, but never really dived deeper into it. We’re not suuuper interested in romance games, but it looks interesting! We’ll keep it in mind :)
Thank you for your recommendation!
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There are 5 specific events I am hoping for coming in the near future of Arknights.
Pope election! Mostima for the next pope! (Someone who opposes fallen sankta can then appear later as an anti-pope) The evil old man is dead! Exu should finally get to be involved a bit in the Laterano storyline too I think, rest of the penguin logistics crew show up near the end like Il Siracusano after you have felt how much more miserable the solo member is when solo. She is on vacation back in Laterano to visit her sister when the pope croaks. Lemuen, Exu alter or Mostima alter all make sense. Summer event probably.
Something following up on Il Siracusano, the real reason I want this though is because welll... I want playable Crownslayer. Specifically I want free fast redeploy 5 star Crownslayer with slightly underwhelming kit. Good for a 5 star but the competition for the fast redeploy role is harsh... continuing the trend of her being a cosmic plaything, while still letting her be kind of good. Also genuinely I think continuing her story would be interesting.
Something following up after Lone trail, centered on Ifrit and Rosmontis because that part was my favorite part of Lonetrail. They are both kind of in a place development wise where I feel they can do more with their stories but also do not have to, but I selfishly want a non limited version of Rosmontis who is actually obtainable and also Ifrit variant more reflective of her character growth then her original version.
Slice of life vignette event showing what the daily life onboard Rhodes is like, what the non combat operators do, how the school system works, etc. Someone suggested playable Radian for this which makes sense.
This is the one I am most passionate about, Closure event! Starting off more light hearted before hitting you with the depression, like So Long Adele or something. Boss is a hacked Closure drone or something, Closure herself the playable operator. Although Closure event could also be combined with the previous idea easily.
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Issues I have with ikevamp
That I’m venting here because they won’t leave my skull
*Content warning, we’re talking about men in the past, they did some bad stuff*
Part 1, historical inaccuracies
I’m I history nut so this really gets to me, since I know the deep details of these peoples lives.
The timeline, ok so the game takes place in 18th France, correct me if I’m wrong but I think it is in the second empire (1852-1870) considered there is a noble class, yet you can clearly see the Eiffel Tower which was completed in 1889, there is no mention of the 1889 exposition, so it must be after the tower had become permanent, by then the 3rd republic was around, if we are in the republic the Count wouldn’t be called that by the npcs at all the parties he goes to, no matter which we’re in, NOBODY mentions Napoleon III at, NOT EVAN HIS UNCLE (WHOSE SOMEHOW BECAME CASS CONSCIOUS!)
How does the time travel work, example, Dazai died in 1948, his plan was seemingly to wait until he’s born in 1909 then kill himself as a baby, but then he decides to use the magic door, what are the consequences of 2 Dazais existing at once or him erasing himself from history, he’s a pretty important literary figure, does someone else replace him or does the space time continuum collapse?? Is the future Vlad sees set in stone or can it be changed, just copy someone else’s time travel bit!!!
So straight up these guys aren’t who they say they are, we’ll go through 1 by 1
Napoleon- doesn’t mention he left the love of his life to marry a girl 20 years his junior (like think how interesting it would be if he’s conflicted about love cuz he had to give it up for political reasons) -that scene where MC talks about all the ‘good’ that he did in Europe, like committing war crimes against the Spanish and Portuguese and Eastern Europeans, being a coloniser, killing the slaves he freed when they asked for more rights, killing thousands of men in a meaningless war (ligit H*tler vibes)
Arthur- goofy irl, literally believed in fairies, had 5 children and married twice but he never mentions any of this, he cheated on his first wife while she was dying of TB, he was a liberal unionist (tldr didn’t like Irish people) he was anti-immigration, might have committed fraud. We’ll get to the other issues I have with him.
Leonardo- fruity as hell, vegetarian
Mozart- they got his character completely wrong, the guy was a complete man child, vain, broke, by the end of his life his career fell off (Beethoven better composer), in love with his cousin 🤢, had a s*at fetish 🤢🤢🤢. The hole Salieri thing didn’t happen.
Vincent- they made him too mentally stable, I’m all for him being meek, but the guy had serious issues that they ignore, he ate paint thinner, was rejected by his both crushes, WHY DOES HE HAVE BOTH EARS, DID IT GROW BACK, THEY SHOULD HAVE LEFT HIM WITH ONLY ONE, also he should be ginger smh. Oh yeah and they never mentioned the s*ecide attempt.
Theo- doesn’t mention his wife, or son, WHO HE NAMED AFTER VINCENT, his wife is the person responsible for Vincent’s work not being completely forgotten, was way nicer irl.
Issac- tbh hotter irl, low key ace, maybe a fruit, kinda mean, the only thing they got right was the major virgin vibes.
Jean- WHY MAN!??!! Even if the didn’t want a lesbian route, they could have gone with any other guy from the 100 years war, Edward black prince, idk WHY GENDER BEND ONE OF THE MOST PROMINENT WOMEN IN HISTORY, I’m fine with the delusional trans dude lie, but they say that he was a guy all along, THEN WHAT WAS THE POINT OF HIM BEING BURNT AT THE STAKE IF HE WASN’T CROSS DRESSING???!!! was he double cross dressing??? This is the worst of them all, give me the girl boss we deserve (revers fate)
Dazai- not depressed enough imo, he was a leftist, again missing wife, their were two su*ecide attempts, guy lived through fire bombing, had a few children that he is fine to erase from existence.
Shakespeare- probably a fruit, again never mentioned his wife and kids, btw the way he talks is annoying, some people don’t think he’s real.
Faust- NOT A REAL PERSON.
Sanson- too young, this guys is 67, really liked the guillotine, just saw execution as his job didn’t really care, had a wife and kids.
Vlad- Ok is he supposed to be Vlad THE impaler? Cuz he’s not evil enough, or is he a Dracula reference, cuz he can’t dance that dance either, why did they call him Vlad if he isn’t a blood thirsty war criminal.
Count- not enough history to work with.
Part 2, problematic moments
So I ha have seen some posts on the low key misogynistic way the MC is written and treated and there are a lot of issues wit white washing history so another trigger warning ⚠️
Misogyny- the MC of this game is not the best, I know she’s a self insert but she has no backbone at all. She lacks agency I’m most of the routes, like the MC getting kidnapped is a troupe in all these games, but Emma can escape on her own, Kate has ⚽️, even Alice had more depth to her, seems the only thing MC can do is cry and wait to be saved, I swear she gets kidnapped once in every route, I think they could have given her more character to work with. Another thing, but Jean being a man is bad, really bad, she’s a feminist icon but they made her a man, it’s sought of saying that women aren’t capable of this so she had to have actually been a man.
Handling of SA, important one here, I’m ok with the flirty guy, but I really hate Arthur, he doesn’t just flirt with her in chapter 1 he assaults her and acts like he did her a service, and she just forgives him!?! I’m fine with a guy that sleeps around, I like Jin and Nokto fine, but the way Arthur talks about women, always calling them Birds (if they were going for English slang it doesn’t work cuz he doesn’t have a cockney accent) or worse Skirts, it’s dehumanising, and shows that to him women are vehicles for sexual pleasure and aren’t on an equal level of understanding. There are smaller parts to, Leo kisses her without consent, the Count hides the truth from her, idk but Theo calling her a ‘hound’ sounds like he’s calling her something else…
Minor points on classism, I’m not expecting the communist manifesto, but all these games aren’t very good at dealing with class deviation. In Vlad’s route, the orphan boy thinks he can impress the rich girl, this is the 19th century, capitalism is on the rise, but there’s no comment about how it’s impossible. The little school Napoleons runs is strange, considering he was in a position where benefited from poor people existing and staying poor, ( side note, he’s teaching them swordsmanship when ww1 is right around the corner, just saying they won’t need it in the military) called MC out as a social climber, these games sought of depict the past through rosé tinted glasses, there’s only passing reference to how fucked people were in the past, Also all the historical inaccuracies above tie to this.
Anyway love to hear some other opinions, (I started playing this game before my transition and have always thought it it was wired, it’s my personal least favourite just cuz I couldn’t really get into any of the guys, my OC ended up as a Carmilla reference so….)
I have seen a post talking about some of the issues before so that’s what got me to write this out, if you disagree or want to add anything I’m all ears 👂
Thanks for reading 💗💖💖💕💓💝💗🥰🥰🥰❤️✨✨✨✨❤️⭐️⭐️⭐️
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