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altarflame · 2 years ago

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2022 Year in Review

2022. Ok. "Bad" and "good" are not super nuanced nor mutually exclusive (life is complex!) but they're what I'm doing.

The bad was extensive enough that I really wanted to find some catharsis in putting it all down at once, and maybe even having a couple of people read it all and go, dang.

Bad: -I had a terrible ear infection, and then such an extreme reaction to my antibiotics. This crap really ate up most of January with pain, appts, vertigo, side effects (terrible joint pain! complete lethargy!), etc. -Aaron called us hurt badly one day, from the skate park - ER trip later we learned it was a serious break. He had to wait a week for the swelling to go down before they could operate. Total agony. -But Jan and Feb were also full of constant text and phone support for one of my two long term best friends, Kristin, who was caring for her dying sister Keegan (someone I'd hung out with lots of times, been to multiple homes of, etc) up in Maryland. Hospice in the living room, cancer play by plays, very heavy. Many emotional calls to my own sister. -Aaron's ankle hardware installation surgery was super triggering for me (I have hospital/surgery ptsd), though of course I kept it together for him and sobbed to Sterling about it later....and Aaron was incredibly pissed and very hard to be around for weeks of immobility, which he's never been able to handle. I was up all night with him in pain, calling a doctor, twice. -We all caught COVID in February, were pretty dang sick for a couple of weeks, and then had the brain fog/exhaustion for another month+ after - I have been back on maintenance inhalers for the first time in years, ever since. -Keegan died Feb 20.

So you're perhaps seeing that already, just a couple of months in, this year is really kicking my ass, eh? It's kind of funny, I was all set on setting some intentions as January rolled out and THAT NEVER HAPPENED. Continuing....

-Ananda and Pierre broke up, after 6 years together. -I walked out of my house one day and found my car had a giant tree branch through the windshield. -Sterling had some scary (though ultimately benign) post-covid problems that sent us to the ER in the middle of the night. -Over the late spring/early summer TWO other social workers in my region left my company (for totally different personal reasons), both women who'd worked there for years, and I was suddenly contending with a totally untenable triple caseload. I couldn't take any PTO for months, which is hard to deal with at my particular job, and was regularly still working late every Friday. So many stupid emergencies, so much anxiety interacting with management. Totally overwhelming. -Sterling and I still made it down to Pompano on a whirlwind weekend, to stay overnight and attend Keegan's celebration of life, which was a Cake-as-the-soundtrack Hipster extravaganza with an open bar and a poorly formatted slideshow. These are details Kristin and I laughed about. It was wonderful to see her mom and son again, albeit under terrible circumstances and with tears all around. -Beginning of August, Sterling and I drove up to Maryland to take everything we could possibly want of Keegan's stuff, from Kristin (she was donating everything she couldn't give away - she also wanted me to take her favorite plants since she's moving across the ocean soon). This was a good trip in many ways, but like, we're also going through the items of her deceased sister AND my Nana took a turn and we suddenly knew she'd die soon, while I was up there. I had to sit alone with my laptop and write some stuff out. I don't know. These two trips are the most gray area of the bad/good dichotomy being false. Like Sterling got to show me chain places he hadn't seen since childhood, and we drove through the town he lived in with his wife, but we also got EXTREMELY sick of driving. -Mid August, my dad entered the hospital, and was in for several days that involved LOTS of long calls between him and I as well as some with my sister - he almost had open heart surgery, actually left Against Medical Advice, generally scared the shit out of everyone while having panic attacks and getting security called, it was a time. There've been many complicated updates after all his copious specialist visits, ever since. -Later in August - listen to this shit - first my OTHER long term best friend, Jess, started having really bad health problems of her own, she had emergency surgery; she was awaiting possible next surgery, she couldn't eat for days that were turning into weeks - she came down from Tallahassee and it took her extra hours to make the drive and she slept half the visit (she was only in town for 3 hours...) and I couldn't get ahold of her the next day to verify she'd made it back. I was really scared. Like really, really fucking scared for her, for half this month, and so triggered about the medical part but not wanting her to keep any of it from me. -And so WHILE THAT'S unfolding, like Sat she's over napping and Sun I'm sending her Tally bestie to do a safety check - Monday, I end up in the ICU with a bunch of friends, watching Clarence die, while simultaneously providing phone support to my nephew Wolfgang because his best local friend in New Orleans shot himself THE SAME MORNING. Clarence and I weren't close, but I had some notable memories with him, he was a fixture in my community and his partner Colleen is a friend. He was only 40 and had a sudden brain aneurysm. I organized a fundraiser for Colleen, and a meal train, and took her tea and listened to her tell the whole harrowing story. Ananda and I took an ex of his that is a friend flowers, too. Wolfgang and I were texting each other from separate funerals, that weekend - me with a bunch of 30 and 40 something goths in the woods, him in NOLA with his gen z LGBT crew... -my diverticulosis flared up for the first time, into horrible pain, I ended up in a CT scanner. It's fine, but I hated it. -THEN, September, less than 2 weeks later after Clarence/Wolfgang's friend, my Nana died in the morning and my former sister in law, Mindy (Robby, Wolfgang, and Patrice's mom) died in the evening, THE SAME DAY. My Nana had been on hospice for almost a year after being immobilized by strokes for a decade, but I still took it harder than expected. Mindy had done a lot of hard living, but seemed stable enough - nobody expected that at 46, she would just literally slump over dead in the middle of putting together a piece of furniture with my mother in law. Poor Teresa tried CPR for 12 minutes. I am still worried about Teresa. I chose to go to Mindy's funeral, rather than my Nana's (they were on the same day, in different cities), since I am estranged from my mother and I wanted to be there for my niece and nephews, and for Teresa. -I also got a terrible UTI in Sept, and maybe partially because it's only the second one I've ever had, or maybe because of the DISASTROUS antibiotic fallout back in Jan, I tried for too long to keep it at bay with dumb supplements and water that kept beating it back but not knocking it out, thereby increasing my suffering.

Are yall HEARING this shit? Is it even possible to keep all these names straight? Can you believe any of this?

In October, things started getting MUCH HARDER THAN ANYTHING ELSE I'VE SAID SO FAR (I'm serious), but about someone close to me who has asked me not to share about it in any kind of identifying or detailed way. Seriously I was sobbing myself to sleep at night, I walked around feeling like I was going to throw up all day every day for about 15 days. I was reaching out for help. This is not romantic or about Sterling, though it certainly impacted him too. The person is mostly ok now, though I continue to worry. I'm sorry it's vague, but my experience is definitely not complete without a reference to this being included.

I guess it's good that by late Summer, new trained people were taking on caseloads at my job as replacements and I was able to ease up a little with work, have time off when I needed to, etc. Otherwise this shit would just not have been possible.

-December has featured everyone being sick with something, and Aaron having screw removal (ankle) surgery - which went very well but meant a lot of extra Stuff the week of Christmas. The first Christmas I've ever had with my Nana gone. Many surprise tears. I was seriously having PTSD nightmares in the night and then waking up crying with old Christmas carols playing in my head, like she used to have on all December. While on my period and trying to shop and bake and decorate and find a secret santa gift for someone at the office and attend an evening work event and a friend's show and and and. Stupid exhaustion. SO MUCH SLEEP DEP. Commiserating with Teresa and Patrice about their first christmas without Mindy, and with Kristin about her first Christmas without Keegan, and with Colleen about her first Christmas without Clarence. Listening for hours at times as Sterling hashed out his very complicated feelings about this holiday, which he has started to look forward to (which feels very very vulnerable).

I'm typing this NOT at a New Years Eve party I was invited to OR at the hospital where my great niece was born, because I have covid for the 2nd time. Been testing every day, because of these impending events - to no avail. My car is in the shop not being worked on because holiday, as I wait to find out if it's A Huge Deal problem or not.

I am also feeling some borderline panic at times because I totally spaced on it being the last day of the MONTH, in addition to the year, and thus missed my opportunity to get all my work documentation in on time - at a time when that is being scrutinized more than normal. And there's nothing to be done but wait out the weekend and hope for the best.

I had a sense of never resting for much of this year, of not having the ability to fucking chill long enough to feel I was savoring to the degree I want to. That if I wanted to value and prioritize good things I had to force them into spots where I could be sleeping (or staring at a wall and dissolving). I am certain I spent MUCH more time than normal sitting on the phone on hold, for 10 million different reasons.

GRRR forever except also I'm ending the "bad" right there.

Good list...Because there is good, lots of it, GODDAMIT:

-I had a 7 hour long ritual fire in January, with my best local friend Katie. I took dried herbs and flowers, snacks, and tinctures with me, and she fed us, and we never ran out of things to talk about. -I read Sterling the last couple of Dark Tower novels. We laughed, conjectured, and cried our fucking eyes out together, talked endlessly about them, THE MOST SATISFYING THING. We've since started the Vampire Chronicles and are halfway through book 3, so many great things to talk about. -Ananda registered for college! Dual degree track of library science and art history. She knocked out remedial math and then did her first semester. It has been really interesting talking about with her. And it's been fine and flexible to continue as a Starbucks supervisor while she does this :) -Elise got into the art high school of their dreams! The open house and application process had been so exciting, and then when we opened the "yes," it was really something. -Isaac has worked his way up the rungs of a local volunteer organization; he coordinates events, does their taxes and payroll. He's only 18! But he's been knocking many things out of the park. I am so proud of him all the time. He also cooked many pots of soup for the household, and did UNTOLD loads of dishes, this year. -I brought home a painting I love so much that I've literally, actually looked at it every single day since, drinking it in, always spotting something new. -Likewise I scored some pretty amazing outdoor furniture along the way, curb find chairs and yard sale mirror, shelves off my local fb "buy nothing" group - and I ADORE my patio at this point. From my bed looking out through the glass doors as well as out there. It's magic and I appreciate it continuously. -There is not a day that passes that I don't swell up with gratitude, either looking out a window or stepping out my front door, about living in such a wooded neighborhood surrounded by such massive towering oak, pine, and sweetgum trees. This often happens on my way to the car, in the driveway, pausing to spin in a slow circle - or as dusk approaches, from my room or the dining room, when everything outside turns into a backlit sillhouette. -I established a whole system of jars on a dedicated herb table (table free from a friend), that we make tea from regularly. This has made me really happy and has led to me gifting people blend bags and goody jars of all sorts. It's one of the only areas of our house that I try to really keep immaculate. Isaac gave me a mortar and pestle for mother's day that's a part of it. -I hit 3 years at my job in March, which means I get several days more per quarter of PTO now. They're also investing in a ROTH 403B for me whether I contribute any money or not, now, and some other perks. -That night of Keegan's celebration of life down in Pompano, the airbnb Sterling and I stayed in had a whole intentional labyrinth outside for a yard, with raccoons and huge snails, and a gazebo and a koi pond. And a whole wall mirror next to the bed, super hot. We went to the beach very late and were both enchanted and FLIPPING OUT to find bioluminescent sand, just live glowing blue dots in the darkness. -I really made tons of tinctures this summer. Stopping on workdays in the sticks to forage, filling up weekends with it. I went out with Aaron, with Elise, with Sterling, gathering flowers, stripping wood. I made jam from the beauty berries in my front yard, too, and harvested so much roselle grown from seed. I handed out grief tincture at funerals. I've got a lot in the works! -Isaac and Aaron rode their bikes to a 35 mile trail, the entire trail, and back, starting at 6am on a Saturday... just because they wanted to. They had brunch out together after. I am endlessly fascinated and happy about my kids choosing to spend time with one another. These two also each funded an independent trip down south and hung out with my sister and her kids (along with their old friends). -I finally started licensure supervision weekly, and joined the NASW, and registered for the licensure exam. -Katie picked me up and drove me out to the cemetery one Saturday, with flowers and shells we both had for multiple graves there. Good wine picnic. -Ananda and I went and saw Florence and the Machine in Orlando- we were draped in lace, and it was unbelievable. I cried from happiness several times over. Intense and necessary. Fabulous italian food after. -I got two different raises in quick succession (a small one for being there a while and the cost of living adjustment they give everyone annually) as the fiscal year changed, and can actually see the difference somewhat. -Instead of a hurricane, we all got enforced surprise time off with a bonus cold front, and Sterling and I, man, we stood outside in the first cool air of the season in these piles and piles of leaves that had blown down in the tropical wind, and watched our cat step carefully, exploring, and laughed and just felt.... surreal and amazing? This was one of a few long weekends where we were also just doin' it in long multi-hour times with naps sandwiched between events. -That hurricane day is one of several days that Jake and Isaac have taken Elise out all over town just because they wanted to - to parks, playing Pokemon, eating out. -Katie and I took her dog Charlie to the beach. Good adventuring. -I had the experience, for the first time in years, of finding a new book in person, buying it, and then staying up all night long devouring the entire thing. I'm Glad My Mom Died, by Jeannette McCurdy. -Isaac voluntarily took over seeing Elise through algebra, and is tireless and inspiring in this (successful) effort. It is humbling. -I bought a bicycle! The first bike I've had in several years - it's a vintage cruiser, used, yellow, and I take it out a couple times per week ever since. Extra great when Sterling comes and skates alongside, or Aaron rides with me. -Sterling's and my overnight for my birthday, man, we had a MASSIVE jaccuzzi tub we could fall asleep in together, a balcony we could see the ocean from, the sand was made of barely broken down shells and he collected hundreds of them for a project. Super cool. We sat on a balcony over the ocean, at a restaurant on the beach, eating some great stuff the next morning. -He had a show, actually played the drums at a paying gig, and I got to spend great hours with Nick watching and cheering and clapping and eating. He did great and was on top of the world about it. There's another show scheduled with a different group of people, incidentally, and this one is at a venue with a cover charge (rather than a big outdoor birthday party). -We went to a gorgeous wedding for his friends Russ and Amy. Sweet to stand there holding hands and tearing up. Great food, outdoor space, Destin was there. -We rushed soup and hugs over to Katie one night that she was sad, and wailing between us about things. -Jake wore a suit for his 17th birthday, LOVED his party full of sweet polite kids (at a bowling alley and then watching movies here), looked incredible. -His girlfriend's mom texted me, "thank you for raising a son that my daughter is safe with." <--Pause for emphasis -I actually made peace with being 40 - and "in my 40s" moving forward, which was bafflingly difficult and happened just in time for me to turn 41 with some contentment and ease. -Some good media - I devoured the entirety of the Pocket Coven Podcast, before starting on Between The Worlds (mostly out of desperation that the Pocket Coven Podcast was no longer making episodes). Sterling, Ananda, Elise and I burned through Season 1 of Sandman on Netflix. Ananda and I had a fun time watching The Kardashians on Hulu and over analyzing all of it - it's densely packed with hosting SNL, wearing Marilyn's dress, courtroom trials, passing the bar exam, advocating for death row inmates. So easy to love and to hate. Not at all like the made up barely strung together reality show of yore (that I could never have sat through). The new Florence album is BOMB AS HELL, the Dresden Dolls are recording again... -I have really had a ton of fulfillment from being an aunt this year. It's become a valued part of my identity. I took Wolfgang and Robby out to the beach and for dinner, after their mother's funeral (they wanted these things, and needed someone to understand their ambivalence/guilt at seeming apathetic, as that was a very complicated relationship). I've talked to Patrice so much more (she is devastated by the loss). I continue to just talk to Wolfgang every day, like I have for years :p I took Ananda, Isaac, and Elise to Patrice's baby shower and was able to spring for things she really needs. I was able to see all my sister's kids in person in May, and then pick out thoughtful gifts for them (choosing books for people is kind of a thrill of mine... so glad to have so many kids who read in my life) - and treats - and have it all in the mail before Christmas, and Zoom with them as they opened it. It feels special and cool to have the bandwidth to invest in these relationships, since my own kids aren't so tiny and needy anymore. -My children's desire to buy each other and myself (and their dad and also Sterling...) Christmas presents, is so wonderful. Ananda and Isaac pooled resources and got me a new Le Crecuset dutch oven! Isaac got Grant gift cards and money and a letter explaining the hiking trip he wants to take with him. And Ananda got me a replacement labradorite ring, and Lego flowers. Elise's cards are always a high point, super thoughtful, they've made Sterling tear up more that once. -Also I am now a GREAT AUNT! Patrice gave birth YESTERDAY! I got play by plays from my mother in law and from Wolfgang, and have had many pics since. It is killing me that I can't be over there because Covid, but, soon enough. I GUESS. -I have witnessed the huge progress in Sterling and me, practicing at all kinds of things in our relationship; it's beautiful. For instance, he used to get really freaked out and triggered anytime I was upset about anything, due to previous partners flipping out so hard and to such extents, and taking all their upsets out on him. But 3 years into this, he can actually do an amazing job anytime I'm upset about something not to do with us, and can at least get through the helping me part before he freaks out, if it IS about us. That's one example of a million things, and it's both of us, like... being with someone who will absolutely get under a blanket to let me talk into their chest anytime, who is completely down for all kinds of sex, etc etc, has had me have to confront the places where it's just hard for me, personally - to speak up, to communicate directly, I've delved so deep into the most shy and private parts of myself. I feel like I'm experiencing new kinds of dreaming that are related to how I fall asleep (in his arms) every single night. Like it's enabling me to access more of my own subconscious, as wounds get uncovered and then healed. I'm not exaggerating. I've figured major shit out in dreams this year, and woken up to, say, know how to close up the quilt edge without binding, or how to understand Grant. It's like a wall between my sleeping self and my waking self, that's been made up my whole life of not wanting to go to sleep as a sad unsafe kid, is dissolving. In many ways my song of the year would be "Here, In my Room" by Incubus. "The Party" referenced therein being one that took place almost 5.5 years ago now. The fiction-worthy-wind being ka from the Dark Tower. His scars, my incision. I can't say enough and there's no way to say it. -I started a book about hospice. I have not CONTINUED it yet.... clouds of grief and fogs of illness obscuring too much, too often. But - it will happen.

#year in review #long text post #personal

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moccahobi · 2 years ago

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I posted 955 times in 2022

That's 328 more posts than 2021!

112 posts created (12%)

843 posts reblogged (88%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@compassionatereminders

@moccahobi

@jung-koook

@dokyeomblr

@taegularities

I tagged 341 of my posts in 2022

#mutuals - 76 posts

#lillia talks - 71 posts

#lillia recs - 57 posts

#comments - 26 posts

#lillia reblogs - 21 posts

#lillia answers - 18 posts

#wkcnet - 16 posts

#bts fanfic - 16 posts

#btsstan12 - 13 posts

#bts fluff - 13 posts

Longest Tag: 104 characters

#i'd wanted to start december off with a bang and try to finish a quick fic but i guess i wont be able to

My Top Posts in 2022:

A Fae’s Brew to Take You Away Masterlist

Summary: Experiments never go as planned. That's why testing is so important. But when a fae tests a potion on themself that turns them human temporarily, they didn't realize the series of events it'd set off. One fateful meeting with a photography student in college turns the fae's world upside-down and sets off a series of dangerous events.

Pairings: Taehyung x Reader, Yoongi x Hoseok

Genre: Fae AU!, College AU!, Angst, Fluff, Adventure, Thriller

Current Word Count:

Planned Schedule: The second Sunday of every other month.

Masterlist last updated: 5/8/2022

- Prologue

- Chapter 1

34 notes - Posted January 6, 2022

Let You Fly [Namjoon x Jimin]

Summery: Namjoon and Jimin have been together for only 7 months and it’s been near perfect. The two fit together wonderfully. All changes when Namjoon’s dream job offer slides itself into his inbox. He’d been eyeing the position in Japan for years… It wouldn’t be fair to Jimin to pack up his bags and join Namjoon, but it wouldn’t be fair to Namjoon to try to force him to stay. Instead, Jimin must let him fly.

Pairings: Namjoon (BTS) x Jimin (BTS)

Rating: E for everyone

Warnings: None

Word Count: 3.5k words

Genre: Angst, A touch of fluff

A/N: A big thank you to @bluewhale52 for betaing! Your feedback was soooo helpful!!!!!!!

A/N2: This fic is part of @bangtanwritingbingo’s summer bingo! The prompt for this is “Jimin x Namjoon”!

Song inspiration: Let You Fly by Sunshine State

The sweet fragrance of the flower shop filled Jimin's nostrils as he worked away on a bouquet order. Jimin hummed along to the soft music that played in the background, his mind zeroed in on putting the flowers together in just the right way. Behind him, Namjoon sat at a small table, typing away on his computer. He was supposed to be on a small break, but like the work loving man he was, he was actually clearing out his inbox. Every once in a while, he'd sigh deeply and run his hands through his hair tiredly when he found an email that he actually had to respond to with thought.

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37 notes - Posted May 29, 2022

A Story From a Different Time [Taehyung x Reader]

Summery: Love. Love is such a wonder. Your love story is especially wondrous to your grandkids who love love as much as you and hang on to every word as you relive the time in your life as a teacher when you met a soft hearted tattoo artist.

Pairings: Taehyung (BTS) x Reader

Rating: Teens and up

Warnings: a suggestive joke

Word Count: 4.8k

Genre: Fluff, a hint of angst, Teacher au! Tattoo artist au!

A/N: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE LOVELY AND AMAZING @taegularities. This has been quite a year for you and I am so proud of all you’ve done and survived. You’re so strong and caring. Make sure to have a nice big celebration and remember, I am always giving you big big hugs. I love you so much bb!

“Halmoni?”

“Yes, Dohyun-ah?”

“How did-did-did you and harabeoji meet?”

You sighed, gently rubbing Dohyun’s head as you tucked his sheets around him.

“Well, it was…”

You sighed and giggled, looking out the window to the clear night sky.

“We met in a really cute way… but it’s late, baby, I can tell you tomorrow. What story do you want me to read to you tonight?”

Dohyun pouted, his lips pouting.

“P-please Halmoni! Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeee.”

You laughed, rubbing his forehead.

“Ok, baby.”

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46 notes - Posted November 20, 2022

Heated Blanket

Summery: After finals, you choose to take a nap. Your favorite heated blanket comes to join you.

Pairing: Jungkook (bts) x Reader

Word Count: 771 words

Genre: Fluff, College AU

Rating: General audiences

Warnings: Talk about food

A/N: Happy birthday to the wonderful @ditttiii! I know you’re in the midst of finals right now! Please make sure to take care of yourself and rest when able! I hope you have a wonderful birthday as well (even if you celebrate it after the rush of all your finals)!

The couch hugged you lovingly as you breathed a deep sigh of relief, allowing yourself to rest in a way that you hadn't let yourself in months. Your mind felt as blank as a windows screensaver as your aching body seemed to release some of the pent up tension from weeks and weeks of tiresome work. It wasn't the nicest couch nor was it always the most comfortable couch, but in that moment after finishing your last final of the semester it was the most comfortable place in the world. There were no other things you needed to do at that moment.

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53 notes - Posted January 14, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Affection, Not Attention

Writing is seen as a solitary hobby. Yet almost every day there is a post asking for more engagement, how come?

For whatever reason a writer has posted (for growth, interaction, or just because), writing is transformed. Through writing communities and sharing our writing online, our brainchildren become part of a conversation between writers and readers that I find is often underplayed or overlooked in conversations about engagement.

A commonality of many writers on tumblr is the want for engagement… and distress when there isn’t engagement… no matter how hard we try not to focus on engagement. It becomes a tiring cycle. One that I’ve been struggling with for years.

When I interviewed Mars, @joheunsaram, she pointed out that this struggle for engagement can be very unique for hobby writers whose writing is often a brainchild of ours. By that logic, I have a lot of kids and I’m ace.

They are pieces of ourselves that we are showing off to the world. As hobby writers, our works often go through much less polishing and have fewer people to polish and influence them. They are often raw parts of ourselves in this way.

That being said, engagement was not the primary way people characterized their writing in my interviews. Through the wide diversity in their writing interests, we are all united by an internal drive, a want to share ideas (JJ).

Writing is a beautiful amalgamation of concepts, theories, and ideas that all get wrapped up to create something magical. In interviewing authors, a common theme was how their writing helps them process “[their] thoughts, [their] fantasies and [their] emotions” (@mlkydrms) This sentiment of writing was echoed in conversations I had with Kas (@voiceswithoutlips), Kiki (@chryblossomjjk), Cath (@magicshopaholic), and Rid (@taegularities). Writing is also done with a focus on sharing ideas and a love for the medium (JJ (@m-yg93), Courtney (@casuallyimagining)).

Engagement was often talked about in relation to how people thought of and characterized their readers though. Community, understanding, connections were all things talked about in relation to readers as well. The want for people talking about and relating to characters and themes in their writing is a common theme I found. While likes and reblogs show a level of enjoyment and appreciation, comments are innately human and in turn, have a deep level of intimacy. Engagement is about growing bonds and it “adds an aspect of connection” (Ru (@btsmosphere)).

Reader engagement was also brought up when talking about coping with the stresses of writing. As we all know, writing can be tiring and challenging, and engagement soothes the challenges that can come with writing, comments specifically have the power to “stifle the negative thoughts” (Kiki). They encourage and motivate us to keep exploring our worlds in addition to sharing affection.

A great example of this: Courtney mentioned getting inspiration to write a new fic after someone read a lot of their pieces for a specific member.

Our fics are like opening our arms up into a crowd of people and saying, “I would love a hug”... We “spend so much time writing [our fics] and then putting [them] out” so when there is no engagement, no hug, it can be disheartening (Rid). It feels like everyone in the crowd is staring at us and thinking, “What the hell are you doing?”

Looking back at posts asking for engagement from readers, I don’t think they’re generally asking for attention. What many writers want is affection. We want to have these intimate things that we're sharing to be acknowledged. Nep phrased it wonderfully when he said that our posts are like sharing a piece of media related to a topic we like to our friends and hoping a friend will get engaged.

Cath gave a wonderful example, highlighting About You that has fewer notes than other fics of hers but the comments are very deep and insightful and mean the world to her. Those comments hold a special place in her heart.

I think this framing of engagement also explains why constructive criticism may not be wanted by authors. Many of us write as a hobby, and while we post to share these intimate thoughts, and to have a conversation about them, we don't necessarily do it to grow. While growth is a goal of some writers, there are writers who aren’t looking for feedback or wanting to grow intentionally, that’s valid and we should respect that boundary.

If community and affection is the primary goal of many writers when posting and we are opening our arms out into the crowd, getting unsolicited feedback or criticism from someone we've not seen before (i.e. our first time seeing a reader or an anonymous ask) is like a back hug when we were expecting a front hug and you don't know who is hugging you because you weren't looking in their direction. It's very disorienting.

This isn’t always the case, especially if writers do want criticism. They may be prepared for a hug in any direction! Checking with them and making sure that hug is still enjoyable for them is important though.

As readers it is valid to feel close with writers as they share intimate aspects of themselves, but unless readers reach out and make a connection, writers may not have a feeling of reciprocity or affection. Furthermore, if writers don’t know a reader, jumping into criticism can be disorienting. In these situations, connections and affection are still very useful when giving constructive criticism (and are something that can be built over time or through a single comment).

If you want to give constructive feedback, I recommend building a relationship with the writer and checking to make sure that they are ok with constructive feedback, and make sure to also point out what you enjoyed. Receiving only negative feedback or critiques doesn’t feel good and doesn’t help affirm the intimacy a writer is asking for. Additionally, if you didn't enjoy anything about a fic, and can't think of a single thing to say that's positive, maybe that's not the best time to comment.

If you're an anonymous person, or don't have a Tumblr blog, I encourage you to make an anonymous identity. Writers would love to have anonymous people engage with and talk about their stuff and that relationship being built is also really good. We will remember you.

We notice who comments, likes, and reblogs. Our blogs and fics become a “little symbiotic network” and it’s pretty magical (Kiki).

For writers, I also encourage you to think about what engagement means to you. It is totally valid to want attention in posting, especially when you put a lot of work into it (Kas gave a great analogy of cooking dinner for friends, praise is wonderful when you do). Not caring about attention is also totally valid (Cherry referred to their writing as art they hang up in their home). We all want different things from posting but a commonality I found in my interviews and generally with conversations between writers was a want for connection, community, and intimacy.

Reframing my thoughts has helped me better understand why I get upset at a lack of engagement, and reflecting may help to better understand why and if you want engagement.

»»————-　✼　————-««

I want to give a big big big thanks to the writers I interviewed! @mlkydrms, @m-yg93, @joheunsaram, @chryblossomjjk, @magicshopaholic, @cherrysoulth, @taegularities, @btsmosphere, @casuallyimagining. All of them are wonderful authors and great people and I highly encourage you check them out!

Thank you for reading! I appreciate any thought or ideas you have on my little piece!

62 notes - Posted August 19, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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akaylawithalotofideas · 2 years ago

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I posted 956 times in 2022

That's 849 more posts than 2021!

217 posts created (23%)

739 posts reblogged (77%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@spacebobareborn

@tecpolel

@generation-fucked-nostalgia

@chibidorah-not-nicky

@crystaldarkpinkie

I tagged 225 of my posts in 2022

#swordtember - 31 posts

#swordtember2022 - 31 posts

#inktober - 27 posts

#goretober 2022 - 22 posts

#goretober - 21 posts

#mermay - 20 posts

#please help - 19 posts

#mermay 2022 - 19 posts

#learning with pibby - 18 posts

#pibby - 18 posts

Longest Tag: 94 characters

#i will have to say the dark gods and goddesses because they has that sort of determined energy

My Top Posts in 2022:

So I have heard about the whole WB Discovery things that are going on, and it seems like things aree getting hopeless for us and CN is going to die…but there is no way I'm standing by and let this Discovery crap take away my childhood and ours. Look, you all think that it's too late for Animation and we can nothing but sit here and let it die, well not me, I'm not giving up in this fight! I may not be animator material yet, but Animation has been in my life and it have powered up my imagination. This imagination had made me into a dreamer and a daydreamer…Animation had empowered me and it has inspired me to do many fanworks and AU (My fanfic GOL wouldn't be here if there was not animation). What these jerks are doing are empowering us to give up on imagination and our dreams. We cannot give up! Animation empowers our Imagination! And I refuse to give up, NOT WHEN ANIMATION IS MY DREAM!

11 notes - Posted August 23, 2022

Sorry for the long wait, but it's finally here! Alfred has grown up and Awful Alvin is hatching up a plan

Veggietales (c) Big Idea

12 notes - Posted February 11, 2022

Ok, I admit, I snapped and made a Pibby OC.

So, this is Melody, she is a music loving kid who aspires to inspire others with music. Then the Darkness gets in and rains on her parade, but that will not stop her from fighting back.

14 notes - Posted August 7, 2022

Oh boy! Alfred is getting bigger, maybe big enough to break the LarryManor.

Veggietales (c) Big Idea

16 notes - Posted January 17, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

So, everyone! We need to talk about Pibby! The Good Place and Brooklyn Nine-Nine should be in there. (We don't really know if The Glitch/Darkness can corrupt Live-Action shows but Ya never know!)

I imagine Michael, Eleanor, Possibly Janet, Gina, Ray, Jake and Cheddar would be the survivors

16 notes - Posted February 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #false

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phillipcole · 1 year ago

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Post-AGT Appearance 1283: Commercial KNBC channel 4 December 14

Last Friday the Colbert show would have aired the repeat of the 2022 episode in which we eliminated Norman Lear as a suspect. It would have become the highest rated repeat of any late night show in 2023, soon broken by a Tonight Show repeat. Both Mike Pence and Doug Burgum would still be in the GOP Presidential race, with Burgum rising fast in Iowa though weak elsewhere. The polls in New Hampshire would be much less promising, so my agent would start negotiating with the Colbert people about the impending final coma.

Man of my Dreams would have sunk to sixth last weekend. The other songs would still be sinking.

My agent would be carefully working on plans for my next appearances while ordering me to say nothing about current events prematurely, so the next time I would be quoted would be the first commercials for Toad woman of Tennessee. They would start to air during late night shows on the west coast tonight, including KNBC channel 4 in Los Angeles at the first commercial break of The Tonight Show.

Announcer: This January see Miley Cyrus like you've never seen her before.

Cyrus: (Pulling her dress down) Ok, here goes.

Announcer: Ok, you've seen her like that, but you've never seen her like this:

Cyrus: (looking at her lumpy face in the mirror) How does that...come off?

Announcer: (Over scattered clips) Miley Cyrus is the Toad woman of Tennessee featuring Amy Schumer

Schumer: What happened to your face?

Announcer: Billy Ray Cyrus.

B. R. Cyrus: Whatever you want to do honey is alright by me.

Announcer: Phil Cole.

PBC: We do have one career option you may consider...

Announcer: Phil Cole.

PBC with Romanian accent: So far this is a perfect suczess.

Announcer: Phil Cole.

Norbert: Heh heh, now stick it out heh heh heh heh, further, further!

Announcer: And Phil Cole.

Brad: Give me some tongue.

Announcer: (Over more clips) In the Toad woman of Tennessee, featuring 8 new Miley Cyrus songs.

M. Cyrus: I really need you to make love to me.

Announcer: Rated PG13, in theaters everywhere January 12.

#miley cyrus #billy ray cyrus #amy schumer

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mill3nniumforc3 · 2 years ago

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2022: A Year in Review (10 Year Anniversary)

It’s already been a decade since I’ve done my 20xx: A Year in Review posts (we don’t talk about how I lost the 2016 one). I’m starting this on December 12, so we’ll see if it gets posted on New Year’s Eve this year, since it’s been late for the past five years (Update: it most certainly will not. I got too busy with work, life, and unmotivation. Meh... so it’s getting posted on me and Russell’s fifth anniversary instead)

Let’s just jump in. There’s a lot to talk about this year. As I’ve said the past ten years, you don’t have to read if you don’t want to. It’s all just for me to read back on. Trigger warnings ahead!

January

January 1st started with Russell and me kissing, like always. We then went to bed because we both had to go to work in the morning.

January 9th: Bob Saget passed. I found out on Facebook because I saw someone post “rip bob saget.” I thought it was sarcastic at first, like maybe he said something offensive or something. I then googled it to check, and found out it was real.

Around the middle of this month, I noticed Bram from front-end was training with my department at Undisclosed Grocery Store (UGS). I asked Jessica why Bram was learning everything, and she mentioned that she was getting promoted on January 31st, so Bram was going to take her place as manager. We’d still have Michaela as assistant manager though.

Winter Storm Izzy hit us on January 16th. I called out that morning because my driveway was a sheet of ice and it was not safe for me to make the half hour drive to work. The MOD told me to try to drive when it got a little warmer, but I gave myself a snow day instead. I didn’t get in trouble for it, so it’s ok.

Also, we had someone from corporate named TL come in to change up how we do our job. The good part was we no longer had to use Baymax devices to stage our totes or destage orders, and we no longer had to use MPOS devices to check out orders. Everything we needed was on our Zebra devices. The bad part was we could no longer cheat the system to stage orders, had to have our totes bagged a certain way, and orders had to be bagged in a certain way. I was annoyed by it since I have my way of doing things, but I got over it.

January 24th: I came back from break, and Jessica said, “You’re not gonna like this, but you’re taking over someone’s trolley. I gotta take this person upstairs.” I was confused why she said I wasn’t going to like it, but said it was fine. I wanted to ask who was going upstairs, but didn’t since I knew that was information she couldn’t tell me. We started walking to find whoever, and she eventually asked if I’d seen Steven. I was immediately sad since Steven was my buddy. I said no, but then we spotted him. Jessica informed him I was taking over because she had to talk to him upstairs, and Steven looked at me in fear and asked what he did. I shook my head and said I didn’t know. They walked away, and I knew he was about to get fired. I learned that he was caught putting “paid” stickers on items he didn’t pay for and that we were all getting a talk to make sure we put receipts on with “paid” stickers.

My maternal Grandpa turned 90 on January 27th, and the party for him was January 29th. I couldn’t go since COVID numbers were spiking and I didn’t want to risk potentially giving him COVID for his birthday, but I did video chat him for a while at the party. It was nice to talk to him and see him.

January 27th was also me and Russell’s fourth anniversary, and we went out to dinner together on January 28th.

On January 31st, Bram took over as manager. I hoped he’d stick around for a while...

February

My dad’s birthday was the 13th and I called him and talked to him for a bit.

We didn’t do anything special for Valentine’s Day, but Russell did get me a balloon that came with chocolate peanut butter candies.

I got a haircut that month

I had my one year anniversary at UGS, and became officially eligible for a vacation week and 2 personal days.

February 20th: Chickengate.

Quick little story. I was at work and picking an oversize. When I got to the end of the trolley, I noticed a chicken tender order asking for double fries and a roll. I thought it was a service counter at first and went to move it to review for the marshals to get, but the option said “out of stock” instead of “item not ready.” I finished picking as normal, then went to the back. I asked Kathy about the chicken tender order, and she wasn’t sure what to do either. She then asked Bram, and he didn’t know, so he went to the deli to see if they knew. After lots of back and forth between Bram, the deli, and upper management, they concluded that the chicken tenders shouldn’t have been ordered through our department.

March

Again, not much happened

Tee finally got a job after being unemployed since quitting her last job. She later got moved from her original department to another one.

On March 29th, Russell had a college reunion at the Atlanta Botanical Gardens. When he first mentioned it, I thought it was a trick. I went to his university’s website and, sure enough, there was an event for alums who lived around Atlanta. We met several people and ate some good food, but it was all appetizer finger food and we were still hungry when we left.

(NSFW warning) Before going to the reunion, after I came home from work, we thought we had some time before Tee came home, so we went to our room to bang. I thought I heard the front door open at one point, but Russell told me he didn’t hear it and I probably was just hearing things. When we were done, I went into the bathroom to clean up and dress up, and I heard Russell talking to someone. As it turns out, Tee came home and heard us. I didn’t see the look on her face, but this event now has Tee calling us when she’s on the way home.

I sincerely thought 2022 was going to be a chill year...

There was just a lot of preparations for the vacation we had coming up.

April

April 1st: my 28th birthday. I had to work (surprise!), but I enjoyed my day. My vacation was approved (albeit last second because UGS was in the process of changing software and my vacation request got lost, but I brought it up to Bram and he fixed it right away), work wasn’t too busy, and I got to have Mexican for my birthday dinner. Also, my birthday was on a Friday, which was funny because I was born on a Friday.

The only person to remember my birthday at work was Florence. Rude!

April 2nd: We went to get COVID tests prior to going on vacation, since they were required. We went to the urgent care where Tracy (Russell’s aunt) worked, and they were able to see us as soon as we showed up. I was nervous about my COVID tests since I was a little stuffy from my allergies. Mine came back negative and so did Russell’s, but Tee’s came back positive. We thought there was no way since we all live in the same house, use the same silverware, etc. They told us we could come back in the morning to retest, which would’ve made us arriving to our destination late and unable to do what we have planned, but we agreed. However, when Tee told Tracy what happened, she told them to rerun the sample. The rerun came back negative, and the people at urgent care gave Tee the negative result.

Also, my paternal Grandpa had surgery for an intestinal obstruction on April 2nd. Everything went well.

April 3rd-April 8th: vacation!

April 3rd: the original plan was to get up at 3am, and my alarms went off as so. I rolled over towards Russell, and he told me that because Tee didn’t go to bed until late (after we told her MANY times to go to bed early) that we were going to sleep another hour. I set my alarms for 4am. We then got up, ready to hit the road. We made our way down to our hotel in Cocoa, FL, stopping at RaceTrac to get breakfast sandwiches, getting gas and Starbucks in Savannah, and getting lunch at Buc-ee’s in St. Augustine. We arrived at the hotel around 3:30pm, a little too early for check-in, but they had our room ready and let us check-in. We decided to spend “20 minutes” relaxing, which turned into 45 minutes. We then made the drive to Orlando to go to FunSpot. We drove past ICON Park, and it was chilling seeing the crowds by Orlando FreeFall, the ride where a 14 year old fell off and passed. We got to FunSpot, rode a few rides (including a new coaster credit, White Lightning), and walked through an animal display with reptiles and birds. We then went to get dinner at Friendly’s (which was my idea since it had been my go-to place for birthday dinners for YEARS before all of them shut down in Ohio). I was shocked with how expensive it was, but it was totally worth it. We then went to Super Target to get a few items we forgot to bring with us before going back to our hotel, getting showers, and going to bed, excited for the rest of the week.

April 4th: we got up around 8am, since we had stuff we needed to do before heading to Cape Canaveral. We got breakfast at C’s Waffles, and I was elated with all the Steelers decor. Our waiter told us the founder was a huge Steelers fan and they kept it up in his honor. I had a waffle with chocolate, peanut butter, and whipped cream, which reminded me of the waffle I’d get at Wally Waffle when we lived in Ohio. After eating, we stopped to get Starbucks (of course) and then made our way to Cape Canaveral. We got to the port and parked, then Russell revealed he’d paid for The Key, which allowed us to have express access through customs and boarding. We got through quickly, and when we got on the boat (Independence of the Seas), we found out that we got free lunch from Chops Grille in the Main Ballroom. I had a goat cheese salad, grilled branzino, and chocolate cake. After lunch, we got to our room, which had a balcony. We thought the room had a pull-out bed from the couch, but the pull-out was actually from the ceiling. None of us wanted to climb up the ladder, and I refused to sleep in the bed with Tee, so I spent the week sleeping on the couch while Russell and Tee got the bed (which ended up ok anyway since the couch was MUCH comfier). After getting settled into the room, we put on our bathing suits, put clothes on over them, and went to explore the boat. We got the first of MANY drinks we’d consume, made reservations at Chops Grille and Giovanni’s Table (Russell also paid for the dining pass, which we’d learn was a waste since the buffets, pizza, coffee shop, and ice cream were free), completed the muster drill, and made our way to the hot tub in the adults-only section as the boat made its way out of the port. We later got dinner at Giovanni’s Table, where I had Tonno Crudo, Gnocchi al Gorgonzola, and Tiramisu Alla Giovanni. After dinner, we spent the night relaxing. Also, I started experiencing some seasickness. I wasn’t nauseous, but I was feeling the rocking of the boat hard. Thankfully, we packed some Dramamine, just in case.

April 5th: I woke up around 7:45am, though Russell and Tee had been up longer. Russell invited me over to the balcony, and we had a nice view of The Bahamas as we slowly made our way to the port. It was a gorgeous view, and it already felt hot outside, which made me happy. We got breakfast delivered to our door (I don’t remember what I ate, but it doesn’t matter), got dressed for the day, and made sure we had everything we needed packed in the bag we were taking to the beach. After we were docked, we made our way off the boat to meet up with the group for our excursion. The Bahamas still had strict COVID rules at the time, so we had to wear a mask as we walked off the pier. We then got on an air-conditioned bus and had a tour of Nassau before getting to Cable Beach. The bus drivers told us they’d be back to get us at 2pm, and if we weren’t on the bus, we’d have to find our own way back to the port. We made our way to the folding chairs, set up our area, and stripped down to our bathing suits to put on sunscreen and swim in the ocean. The water was cold at first, but we adapted to it quick. While in the water, we met a couple my parents’ age from New Hampshire, and we talked about the weather up north and sports teams. The area of the beach we were on also had a nearby restaurant called The Poop Deck that provided complimentary lunch to us, and I had an exuma wrap (which was snapper, romaine, pepper jack cheese, and tartar sauce. I asked for no tomato, but they put it on anyway, so I picked it off as I ate). I also drank Island Punch and water. I kept my eye on the time and set an alarm on my phone to go off at 1:45pm so we could make it to the bus on time. After the bus ride back to the port, we had some time before the boat was to leave, so we decided to stop in one of the stores I’d heard about called Del Sol. I found a t-shirt with a turtle and knew that was the shirt I wanted. Russell picked out a shirt too. We paid for the shirts and then went through the customs on the pier to get back to the boat. Once we put everything back in our room, we went to the adults-only hot tubs to relax. We went to Chops Grille for dinner that night, where I had the crispy goat cheese salad, crab and shrimp cake, grilled branzino, and chocolate cake. We went to If You Know It, Dance It, and it was a fun time.

April 6th: I randomly woke up around 4am after a nightmare, needing to pee. I quietly navigated to the bathroom in the dark and did my business. (TMI warning) When I wiped, I noticed the toilet paper was red. I became startled, wondering if it was my kidneys since I’d been drinking more alcohol than I’d ever really drank before. I got a clean piece of toilet paper and discovered it was, in fact, my period... two days early! I was kinda agitated since, even though I had packed a few supplies just in case, I was not prepared for it to be THAT early. I quietly slipped out of the bathroom to grab a tampon and, once everything was done, went back to the couch to sleep a little longer. (Ok, that’s done now). When morning came, we went to Windjammer for breakfast. As we ate breakfast, we docked at Royal Caribbean’s private island, Coco Cay, and saw other ships arriving to the port as well. After we finished breakfast, we went to get dressed for the day and went to have a “Perfect Day.” I put that in parenthesis because it was not that great, the worst part being we were due to be back on the boat by 3pm. First thing we did after getting off the boat was find a place that sold tampons, and they sold them in individual units for $2/each, so I bought enough to last me the rest of the cruise. Once they were bought, we went to the waterpark, which was packed. We only rode one slide, and it wasn’t even the tallest one. After the slide, we went to get lunch, which was pathetic. There were no vegetarian options, which was very annoying. I ended up eating a cheese, lettuce, and sour cream wrap, nachos, and an ice cream cone (remember this). After lunch, we went to do our zipline excursion. Russell, unfortunately, couldn’t participate due to being over the weight limit, so Tee and I went. I was nervous at first, but after the first leg of the excursion, I had fun. After the second leg, I went to the top to board for the third leg, and Tee was nowhere to be found. The attendant loaded me on and asked if I was alone. I said no, and the attendant asked the other one at the bottom of the second leg if he’d seen Tee. He shrugged, and then we saw her walking on the ground. The attendant called out to her, and Tee saw me at the top and ran. By that point, another group came for the third leg, so the attendant sent me off on my own. After it was done, I went back to the base to return my equipment. I then went to find Russell where he said he’d be, and he was nowhere to be found. There was a lot of people and I tried looking for him, but I couldn’t find him. I started panicking, and a worker saw me and gave me a water bottle to calm me down. Tee made her way back to base after a while, and asked where Russell was. I said I didn’t see him. Tee wanted to go check around the island, and I told her that wasn’t a good idea because we had to board the boat soon and I didn’t want us to be stranded. Eventually, Russell found us and demanded to know why we didn’t go to where he said he’d be. I informed him that I did and didn’t see him, and he should’ve kept an eye out when he knew he was hidden in the crowd where it was hard to see AND I wasn’t wearing my glasses during the excursion. We went to the boat in silence and got to the room. I kept my back to him as I put on a clean bathing suit and my long t-shirt since we were planning on going to the adult pool (we spent a lot of time at the pool). Russell admitted that I was right and apologized to me for yelling. We went into the adult pool and sat at the in-pool bar on the deep end. I originally got a Bahama Mama, but it wasn’t mixed right, so it tasted awful. Against my better judgment, I downed the drink and ordered a Blue Hawaiian, since that drink had been my favorite. Russell warned me to not go crazy since I had very little to eat for lunch. I then decided that I was going to swim around the deep end. I thought I looked great, but the lifeguard was staring me down and wouldn’t take his eyes off me. I kept telling him I was fine and I’d ask for help if I needed it, but he wasn’t taking the risk. After a while longer, we decided to dry off for dinner. When we got to the room, I went to put my wet bathing suit on the balcony, and Russell kept his eye on me since I was drunk. We cancelled our reservation at Giovanni’s Table so we could try out Windjammer for dinner. I sobered up once I had food in my system, and Russell asked me how much I remembered. I remembered it all. There was a Don’t Forget the Lyrics type of event that we watched that evening.

April 7th: we woke up that morning in no rush, since we were going to be at sea that day. We got breakfast at Windjammer again, and walked around the boat, stopping in the Arcade to find souvenirs for my family. I bought things for my parents and nephew. For lunch, we went to Johnny Rockets, and I had a veggie burger and a milkshake. Hang On Sloopy played a couple times, and every time it came on, I did the O-H-I-O, which embarrassed Russell and he kept telling me that nobody would join me on it. After lunch, we debated looking into the Next Cruise kiosk in the Arcade area since we knew this was something we wanted to do again, but we knew the agent would rope us into booking if we asked, so we grabbed information pamphlets instead for Hawaii and Alaska for us to look at and decide later. We then went to go play Bingo. We didn’t win shit, but I was annoyed because kids were allowed to participate even though the set-up was gambling. Oh, and speaking of gambling, there was a casino on the boat, and since we were using my tax-refund to pay for things on the boat, I let Russell have $40 to play. He doubled the money, and I told him to stop and either cash out or pick a different machine. Instead, he kept playing the same one until he had pennies left. I then told him he wasn’t getting any more money. We had dinner that night at Chops Grille, and I realized how full I felt. I wasn’t hungry at all, so I tried to eat lighter. I had lobster bisque (which I didn’t enjoy because it was made with brandy and I forgot that I don’t like brandy), crab cake, grilled Atlantic salmon, and apple pie. After dinner, we went to pack up everything and relax, enjoying our last evening before going back to reality.

April 8th: we woke up at 8am. We were already back at the port and had to get off. Because we’d gotten everything ready prior to bed, we went to get breakfast in the Main Ballroom. After we were done eating, we met up with The Key to get express access through deboarding and customs. Going through customs was a little bit of a hassle since the face recognition wouldn’t recognize my face, but we eventually made it out. Once we got to the car, we went to Target, with the first stop being the bathroom. After I was done, we grabbed Starbucks, then left Target to go check out the nearby Dollar General/pOpshelf. While in the Dollar General, I bought a box of tampons since I only had one left and home was 10 hours away. Afterwards, we started the drive to Jacksonville, since Tee is a Jaguars fan and wanted to see her team’s stadium. On the way, we stopped at Buc-ee’s in Daytona Beach to buy souvenirs for my sisters and future brother-in-law. When we got back on I-95, I realized I needed to pee, so we stopped at Buc-ee’s in St. Augustine. After that, we made it to TIAA Bank Stadium. We couldn’t get too close since there was some concert going on that night and the parking lot was roped off, but we took pictures the best we could. We then went on I-95, and the GPS decided to take us a different path. It took us to I-10, and I started getting hungry. We eventually stopped to get lunch in Lake City, FL (I don’t remember where. Probably Wendy’s). After lunch, we got on I-75 and followed it all the way up through Florida and up Georgia. We wanted to get dinner at Denny’s by Tanger Outlets Locust Grove, but it was closed. We ended up just getting McDonald’s for dinner. After dinner, we didn’t stop again until we got home. As sad as I was that vacation was over, it was SOOO nice to be back home and see the cats and dogs.

April 10th was my first day back at work after vacation. I missed the beach already.

My parents and Bridgid came down to visit April 16th-April 18th

April 16th: they arrived that afternoon, and we invited them to get dinner with us at O’Charley’s, since they couldn’t come in the house since they’re all allergic to cats and we figured we’d take them to one of our go-to��s. After dinner, they went to their hotel for the night to relax.

April 17th: I originally had to work, and I did for two hours. Bram overheard me joking about asking to leave early, and when he told me I could leave if I wanted, I asked if he was sure. He mentioned since we were so slow, he wanted to cut people anyway. I took it and ran. I called my mom to let her know I got off work and asked if they wanted to get lunch. She said they already ate, so I got lunch with Russell and Tee at Panera. After lunch, I went home to change out of my work uniform and called my mom to see what they wanted to do. We ended up playing mini golf. Afterwards, we were hungry for dinner, and since I had a gift card, we went to LongHorn. After dinner, we went home for the night.

April 18th: I was off work that day, and my parents wanted to check out the Buford Dam. Russell and Tee both had work, so I went with them by myself. We went to the park by the dam and hiked on the path. I mentioned that Sugar would love it down here. After the hike, I showed my parents where I work, then we went back to my parents’ hotel room, since there was nothing really better to do. When Tee got off work, we met her at Loretta’s for dinner. My parents really enjoyed it, but Bridgid, who eats like a bird, didn’t finish her food. After dinner, I said “goodbye for now” to my parents and Bridgid, since they were going down to Savannah the next morning and I had to work.

The rest of the month was pretty chill...

Also, my paternal Grandma turned 87 on the 26th. I had my dad pass along a “happy birthday” to her since she and Grandpa don’t live in the same house due to my Grandma being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and I no longer have a number to contact them.

May

(TW: pet death) May 4th: Spud passed away

We knew Spud was going to the vet that day, and we were prepared to be told that Spud was at the end of his life. He had been diagnosed with bone cancer, and he could no longer play with Sugar, walk down the road, or sit properly. We were told he’d have 12-18 months left without amputating the leg that the cancer originated in (we chose not to amputate because we felt the surgery was too risky for a 14 year old dog), and this around the 12 month mark. We explained to the vet everything, and he told us that we had two options: increase Spud’s pain meds to help him do things properly and buy him more time (though he mentioned this would damage Spud’s kidneys) or put him down that day. We cried a lot because we knew the right decision was to put him down. We all gave Spud lots of hugs and kisses, and I showed Spud a picture of Seamus and told him to say hi to him for me when he crossed the rainbow bridge. The vet came in to do the procedure, then Tee and I left the room while Russell stayed with Spud during the procedure. The vet assistant led us out the back door and offered to make paw prints as a souvenir for Spud, and we said yes. After a little bit, Russell joined us outside, telling us that Spud went quickly and peacefully.

I was numb the next morning, not sure what to do since Sugar was the only dog. Russell texted me to see if I was awake, and after I told him I was, he asked me if I wanted to go with him to give Sugar a walk. I said yes, and I was sad the whole time. I couldn’t believe Spud was actually gone.

I talked to my mom on Mother’s Day.

May 16th was Russell’s 31st birthday, and also Lemmy and Rufus’s first birthday. Russell had to work at his second job, so he didn’t get to spend time with us that night, but we surprised him with a birthday cake. We picked out a yellow cake with white icing and a rainbow, and Tee asked Sherri (the lady who works the bakery that I see every morning) if she could write a message on it, and Sherri at first thought it was for a kid. She asked if it was for a boy or a girl, and Tee said boy. Sherri then asked how old the boy was turning, and Tee said 31. Sherri laughed and said she wouldn’t put the age on it. Lemmy and Rufus, on the other hand, got soft cat food for their birthday. They loved it.

On May 19th, Sugar and Wacko went to the vet. Sugar was due for shots, but we knew something was wrong with Wacko. He had lost weight, would only eat soft cat food and kitty treats, was having accidents, and there was blood in his urine and stool. The vet ran two blood tests on him, and they both came back inconclusive. The vet could only guess that Wacko had a UTI, and gave us an antibiotic to help.

And we thought the antibiotic WAS helping. Wacko suddenly became more energetic, was eating more, and was doing a lot better...

On May 27th, we went to see a movie, since my mom gave Russell and I AMC gift cards. We agreed on Bob’s Burgers, since I’d never seen the first Top Gun movie and the other movies didn’t seem appealing.

(TW: pet death) Wacko passed away

Upon getting home from the movie, I went to see Wacko, since I hadn’t seen him much that day because I went to work, then had to get ready to go to the movies pretty much immediately upon getting home. I asked him if he was hungry and went to the kitchen. Normally, Wacko would follow me, meowing. That time, he didn’t. He stayed laying on the couch. I thought maybe he had just woken up, so I picked him up, gave him a hug, and put him on the floor. He walked a few steps, then laid down. In that moment, I knew what was going to happen, but I denied it because I couldn’t believe it. I told Russell, and he called for Tee, who’d went up to her room. She came back down, and I picked Wacko up so she could see what he was doing. He walked a few steps again, then laid down, making an unfamiliar noise. Tee asked if that was Wacko, and I said yes. I think she knew what was going to happen too. I tried to bring food to Wacko to see if he would eat, but he turned his nose up to it. Tee then tried to feed him a kitty treat, and Wacko turned his head away from it. Since he wouldn’t eat, we laid him down on the couch. I sat next to him, petting him, kissing him, and telling him that I love him as much as I could when I knew he could still hear me. Wacko must’ve still been mentally there, since he’d give me the tooth every time I kissed him. After a while, he started fading away. He no longer responded to my voice, stopped purring when I would pet him, and wouldn’t duck upon me kissing him. I knew Wacko as I knew him was gone. I gave him a big kiss before going upstairs for bed.

I slept like shit that night. I had unrealistic hope that Wacko would be normal in the morning. I got up when Russell got up to go to his second job. I told him not to tell me if Wacko was dead. When he left the room, I went to the bathroom, riddled with anxiety. After 15 minutes, I was still in the bathroom, and Russell came back into the room. He was nodding, and I was confused at first. I then realized Russell wasn’t going to say anything, so I said it myself, “Wacko’s dead, isn’t he?” Russell kept nodding until he said that Wacko was, indeed, gone. Russell also took the liberty of putting Wacko’s remains in our garage where I couldn’t see since he knew I was still upset over seeing Smokey’s remains in January 2021. I was devastated, especially since I had to go to work. I forced myself to go anyway, hiding in the cooler every so often when a wave of tears would show up.

June

My mom’s birthday was the 2nd. We talked for a while.

I talked to my dad for a while on Father’s Day

Russell got a raise at his job as an accountant, so he quit his second job. Unfortunately, the bills went up after he did.

June was pretty chill otherwise

July

I had to work on the Fourth of July, so we just grilled food at home.

Around here, I asked Bram if I could work more hours at work. I was nervous about it since I knew there weren’t a lot of hours to give, but Bram was more than happy to do it. I started working 40 hours a week, which eventually led to me becoming full-time, which was what I wanted in the first place!

July 15-July 18: Russell and I went to Cedar Point with my family

July 15: we got up super early, not looking forward to the long drive ahead of us. We stopped by my place of employment to get gas with my fuel points, then stopped at Dunkin’ to get breakfast before heading towards I-75 (which was a loooong ways away). We got on I-75 in Cleveland, Tennessee, and took it all the way up to Ohio. We made our first bathroom stop in Williamsburg, Kentucky. We stopped in Richmond, Kentucky to get gas, go to the bathroom, and buy lunch at Buc-ee’s. However, the people at Buc-ee’s seemed to be in no rush to make what I wanted, so I said fuck it and got lunch somewhere else. We stopped for another bathroom break in Monroe, Ohio, and I got some Muddy Buddies out of a vending machine as a snack. After that, we kept going until we got to Sandusky. I called my mom when we were about an hour out to find out what they were up to. She informed me that she and my dad were going to the grocery store near the park to get food for the weekend (my sisters were going to stay at the cabin) and asked if we wanted anything. I asked for sunscreen since I forgot to pack ours, but my mom forgot. We got to the cabin before my parents got back, and the very first thing I did was ask to go to the bathroom. I ended up getting stuck in the bathroom until Bridgid opened it, which resulted in me never closing the bathroom all the way for the rest of the trip. My parents came back from the grocery store, and we hung out, eating pizza and drinking for the night.

July 16: we all got up early to go into the park. We had pancakes, eggs, and toast for breakfast before getting our passes for the park, as well as the drink bands. We got a group picture in front of the carousel before we all split off in groups. Mom and Dad stayed with Moira, Adam, and Duncan, and Bridgid and Fiona went with me and Russell. We went to the back of the park first to get on Steel Vengeance as soon as possible, since we knew it would be a busy wait. It had about a half hour wait when we got there, which wasn’t bad! Fiona was unsure about getting in line since she’s had a fear of coasters since she blacked out on GateKeeper, but I convinced her it’d be ok since I used to work in ride operations. After a little while, I noticed that the line was not moving. We then heard an announcement that the ride was down for a mechanical issue. We decided to wait a little longer, since we were pretty close to the front of the line. When we noticed ride operators evacuating riders from the brake run, we knew it was time to get out of line. Fiona decided to stick with our parents, so the three of us rode rides. Even though the forecast called for rain and low-70s, it was pretty sunny and got to the low-80s. It was a great day! We ate a late lunch at Mac Shack, where I got double broccoli for my protein and parmesan cheese, sour cream, and buffalo sauce for the toppings. It was a wonderful! We did eventually get Bridgid on Steel Vengeance, and she liked it. We ate dinner at the cabin, and I had veggie burgers. After dinner, we chose to stay in the air conditioning for a little while to relax. Moira and Adam went to enjoy the park without Duncan, which caused Duncan to scream and cry (he was almost 2 at the time). Duncan eventually wore himself out, and Russell and I decided it was time to head back into the park so Duncan could have some quiet time to sleep (Bridgid wanted to wait and see if Dad wanted to go back in, since he for some reason drove back to Cleveland to get a pair of shorts just to drive all the way back to Sandusky...). We rode as many rides as we could, but we hit up the ones we liked the most. We did our last ride of the night on Magnum, and it hurt! I was already sore from all the walking around, waiting in line, sitting down, standing up dance, and we sat in Magnum’s “magic seat” without thinking about it (car 1, row 3). It was a long walk back to the cabin.

July 17: we all slept in a little, waking up to a thunderstorm outside. My dad wanted to try to make breakfast on the grill outside, but we told him not to. We instead went to the Perkins at the hotel, where Moira surprised us by paying for everyone’s breakfast, saying it was for our parents’ anniversary. Since it was still raining a little, my family opted to not go back into the park, but Russell and I decided to go in for a little while, even if just to get souvenirs, since we knew we weren’t going to be back up to go into the park before Labor Day. We rode a few flat rides that we didn’t get to ride the day before and took some pictures on the train. We then stopped in the Build-a-Bear that opened recently in the park, and I picked out a pastel rainbow bear that I named Sorbet, and I picked out a Cedar Point shirt for her to wear. After we finished in Build-a-Bear, we knew it was time to leave. We got on the road, making a quick stop to get gas and lunch before heading to Lexington, our “half way” mark home. We did stop at Lion’s Den, a sex shop. I felt a little awkward about it, but we managed to find some fun toys for our bedroom. By 8pm, we were hungry for dinner. Russell said he wanted to wait until we got to the hotel for the night, but I informed him there’d be nothing open by the time we got there. We knew our options were already limited as it was, so we settled on Cracker Barrel. We showed up at 8:30pm, and I felt like an ass since I knew they closed at 9pm. I hoped they weren’t too busy, but they were slammed because there was a large party. Our waitress was very nice to us and kept apologizing to us for the wait. We got our food around 9:45pm, and we ate fast so we could get on the road. We got to our hotel (Quality Inn) around 11pm, and we were just about ready for bed... but not without taking a shower and having some fun with our new toys.

July 18: we woke up semi-early because I found out the nearby McDonald’s had bagels. No McDonald’s near us in Georgia has them, and I was really excited to have my bagel sandwich. We ate breakfast in the hotel room and relaxed for a little bit before getting on the road. We then hit the road, stopping for gas in Berea. Shortly after getting into Tennessee, I was hungry for lunch. Russell promised we’d stop when we got to Cleveland since there looked like a lot of options there. However, without us noticing, the GPS had changed the route from “fastest’ to “most fuel efficient.” When we got out of the Knoxville area, the GPS said we’d be getting off in 20 miles. That didn’t seem right, and I told Russell, but he said it was fine. Imagine the surprise when we ended up getting off the highway at some small town. I told Russell to get back on the highway, but he wanted to drive “for a minute” to see what was there for food. Well, he kept going until we got to some “last chance” area in Tellico Plains. We stopped a small restaurant called Tellicafe, and it was the best meal I’d eaten in a while (though I was absolutely starving by that point, so it could’ve been that too). After lunch, we kept following the GPS... until there was no GPS. We had no cell service at all! I was afraid something might happen to us and we’d have no way to call for help since we were so deep into the Appalachian Mountains. After what seemed like forever (it was probably 30 minutes max), we got cell service back and found ourselves in a touristy tri-state area (Tennessee, Georgia, and North Carolina). We crossed into Georgia and kept following the GPS until we were in a town I recognized. We found a road I knew and followed it without the GPS until we found ourselves near my place of employment. I never thought I’d be happy to see UGS, but after the adventure in the mountains, I was so excited. We bought cat litter at UGS since we needed some and it was on sale, then went home.

The rest of July was chill.

August

Russell got another second job. He tried to get his old job back, but the store manager said no, so he got it at another store in another department- deli instead of produce.

Around here, I noticed I hadn’t seen Bram in a few days. I asked Sean where he was, and Sean informed me that Bram quit. I thought he was lying at first because he was smiling, but he told me that he was, in fact, not lying. Damn...

Tee’s birthday was August 18th. We did her birthday dinner the night before since Russell had to work that evening, and she picked LongHorn.

Russell also learned he had to start wearing glasses while working and driving at night.

(TW: Suicide) August 29th started off as a normal day. I got up that morning and went to work. I arrived a little early, so I sat in the break room and scrolled on Facebook. I came across a post from Rebecca, someone I worked at McDonald’s with, and saw the words “you’ll be missed.” I saw the picture was of her with Jon, her ex-boyfriend/father of her son, and someone I used to work with. I looked to see if anyone had said what happened to him, and nobody had. I was pretty sad since Jon was such a kind guy and I loved working with him because he was so funny. That afternoon, I looked on Facebook again, and Anna shared a picture she had of Jon, and she mentioned that he took his life. I was completely distraught. I had lost touch with Jon since moving out of Ohio, especially after he split with his ex-fiance, Rilee, since I was closer to Rilee than Jon. I was pretty upset about it for days, and I’m still upset about it now.

September

September 8th: I was off work that day. I woke up to news that Queen Elizabeth was “under medical watch.” I knew what was coming, but not when. Russell and I had Chipotle for lunch. After lunch, I was scrolling on my phone, and saw Good Morning America posted on their Facebook group a picture of the double rainbow over Buckingham Palace. I went to the page, and the news had JUST broken that Queen Elizabeth passed. Russell was in a meeting, so I tried not to be loud with my reaction: “oh no!” Russell and his boss were literally just talking about Queen Elizabeth during their Teams meeting and Russell asked what happened. I told him, and Russell relayed what I said to his boss (he couldn’t hear me since I was on the opposite side of the room). NOTE: I know Queen Elizabeth was not a “sweet old lady,” but her passing is still a major news story that I’m sure my future kids will ask me about someday.

We got a “temporary manager” named Kennie. He said he was staying for two weeks, but he was gone after a week.

Our new manager then became Ernie. This made me laugh because we have an upper manager named Bert.

September 23rd was Bridgid’s birthday. I called her and we talked for over an hour.

October

Gatlin left on October 2nd. I was sad, but he still stops by to say hi.

We went to Carowinds from the 14th-16th

October 14th: we got on the road around 12:30pm. After fighting construction traffic, we arrived to our hotel around 5pm. After getting settled, we ate a quick dinner at Culver’s, even though I wasn’t hungry since we had a late lunch. We then made our way to the park, and Russell got directed to park in the grass. After getting our gold passes, we went inside the park. We rode Intimidator first, and it was a great choice for a first coaster. We then made our way all around the park, including making some good timing to get on Copperhead Strike (the ride was literally reopening after going down mechanical), a haunted house, and Fury 325. By 11:30pm, we decided to leave for the night, and it was an easy exit from the grass. Tee wanted Waffle House, so we took a little drive to the nearest one. I really didn’t want to eat at Waffle House because it didn’t sound appetizing, so all I ate was a grilled cheese sandwich. Because Waffle House was so short-staffed and crowded, we were there for two hours. I was pretty bitter about the whole thing.

October 15th: we got up around 9am. The park opened for the day at 11am and we didn’t want to be late. We got dressed, then went to McDonald’s for breakfast. I got the hotcakes platter, a hashbrown, and a mocha frappe. After we were done eating, we made our way to the park. We weren’t allowed to park in the grass like earlier, but we got a good parking spot anyway. After putting on sunscreen, we went inside the park, ready for a day of fun. We even got fast passes to ensure we can ride everything we want to ride. The park shut down at 5pm to prepare for Scarowinds, so we went to eat dinner at TGI Fridays. After dinner, we went back to the park, and ended up getting a worse parking spot then before. We put more focus on the haunted houses than the rides, but still rode a bunch of them anyway. We ended up leaving around 10:30pm because we were tired, but we still had a great time.

October 16th: we got up that morning, and I mentioned we could theoretically go inside Carowinds for a little bit, even though I more wanted to go home. We ended up heading home... but we ended up stopping at Cracker Barrel in Gastonia first. I didn’t want to eat at a sit-down restaurant because I wanted to go home, but because Tee wanted it, we went. I ended up getting a lunch dish since it was about that time anyway. We got home around 6pm, and I was so glad to be home again.

Tee got in a car accident

So, not much of a story, but Russell’s phone was ringing while we were sleeping. I thought we’d overslept and it was an alarm, but realized it was dark outside as soon as I opened my eyes. Russell answered it on speakerphone, and all I could hear was Tee screaming that she crashed her car and admitting fault. We both got out of bed, and I dressed for work because I predicted this was going to take a while and I didn’t want to be late. We met Tee at the scene of the accident, and she explained that she was turning left and hit the other car either because she turned too sharply or the other car was over the line. The damage to her car didn’t seem to be too bad, minus the flat tire. The other person’s car didn’t have a scratch. The police seemed to take their sweet time showing up, saying they “couldn’t find us.” They eventually showed up, and the police let the other person go upon arrival. Tee, on the other hand, was told her car was not safe to drive and was let off with a warning for reckless driving. She got into Russell’s car, and she asked if we could get breakfast and coffee. By that point, I had to get to work, so I said no, and realized I needed to stop at the house to get my work apron. Russell ignored me and stopped for breakfast on the way back to the house. They’re lucky I wasn’t late! As of posting this, we STILL have not gotten the car back. In addition to the flat tire, they had to replace a few internal parts.

October 27th was Moira’s birthday. I called her, but she didn’t answer, so I left a message

Halloween was nothing special. I painted a Tigger pumpkin the day before, I went to work wearing Minnie Mouse ears like I did in 2021, I came home around 6:30pm, I dressed in a Care Bear onesie that I wore in 2017, and I handed out candy.

November

I voted early, and I did not vote for Herschel Walker.

I won the $1.9b Powerball (just kidding!)

My department then got a second manager named Kandace. The best way to explain it was Kandace was our new manager and Ernie was an assistant manager. We hadn’t had anything like that since Michaela left and Bram became the sole manager...

The job ended up being too much for Ernie and he quit.

I bought a dress and Russell bought a suit for his work Christmas party. Russell had to wait a week to get it since it was being tailored.

Thanksgiving was a calm day. We slept in, watched the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, and got dinner at Boston Market. I was still hungry since all I had to eat was mashed potatoes, mac and cheese, cornbread, and pumpkin pie.

Black Friday started off as a normal day. We got up at 7am with a plan: Bath & Body Works, PetSmart, Target, the mall to get Russell’s suit, and Ollie’s. Nowhere else. I spent less than $100 at B&BW, which was a miracle in itself. PetSmart ended up not having the deals we were hoping for, but we bought some cat treats. Target was packed, and we just went in there to look. We ended up not getting much of anything. We then went to the mall, and Russell wanted to go into Petland just to look at the puppies. As I was walking along and looking at the puppies, I caught sight of a miniature schnauzer. She had the same coloring as Seamus did when he was little, and she looked right back at me. I noticed her brother in a different area, but something inside me just couldn’t leave her. Russell knew exactly what I was thinking, and we asked a worker if we could see her. The worker said yes, and loaded us into a stall to see her. I loved her so much right away, and even though I tried telling Russell and Tee that we should not bring her home... we ended up buying her. We tried with my credit first, but I was only approved for in-house financing with payments I wouldn’t be able to make. Russell’s credit, on the other hand, approved him for the full amount at a credit bureau with much more manageable payments that Tee and I would make. Once everything was good to go, we went to get Russell’s suit before bringing the car to the valet area to put all the items in the car and bring the puppy home. We still stopped at Ollie’s, and I stayed outside with the puppy. Once everything was done at Ollie’s, we went home. On the way home, I suggested the name Lilli for the puppy, since Tee wanted to call her Lillipup and I did not want to call her that. The name stuck.

Lilli met the animals. She met Sugar first, and Sugar scared her because she jumped on me while I was holding Lilli. Lilli didn’t seem too offended by it, since by the end of the day, they were best friends. On the other hand, Lilli thought the cats were all puppies like her. She wanted to play with them so badly, but they didn’t appreciate it.

Also, November 25th was my paternal Grandpa’s 89th birthday. They had a party for him. I wished I could’ve went.

November 28th: the shift from Hell. Kandace had a doctor’s appointment and said she’d be back, but she didn’t come back. This left Sean and Noah in the back, with me, Jake, and Caleb picking. Around 4:30pm, I had returned from a pick and saw Noah was by himself. I asked him where Sean was, and Noah said he left. “Left where?” I asked him. “Left to get service counters, left for break, or left-left?” Noah confirmed it was the last one. I asked if he called for help, and Noah said no. I grabbed a radio and went to call for help, but saw Frank walking by. I waved over to him and asked for help. Frank asked what happened, and I had Noah relay what happened. I started panicking because we still had a ton of tickets left. Frank told me to just focus on picking and he’d take care of the rest. I went to run one as fast as I could. As I was walking back with the pick, Caleb ran to catch up to me. We don’t get along well, but he managed to say, “Hey, I called Kandace. She said don’t pick anymore today. Just hang out in the back with us.” Sean tried texting me later that day, but I was too pissed off to say anything.

November 28th was Fiona’s birthday. We talked for a few minutes.

Sean turned in his two weeks the next day. I was very upset about it.

December

I voted in the runoff. I did not vote for Herschel Walker.

Russell’s work Christmas party was on December 9th. I met his coworkers, ate a delicious halibut dish, and had a few drinks. We ended up spending the night in Atlanta at what was allegedly a high-end hotel that his workplace had reserved for employees from out of state/country (Russell got lucky to get a room because someone cancelled their booking). I wasn’t too impressed with it though.

The next day, since I didn’t have to go to work, we stopped by Centennial Park, since I wanted to see the Olympics decor. We rode the SkyView, which made me anxious, especially when we got stuck at the very top for people to get on. After riding the SkyView, we stopped in the World of Coke gift shop to see if we could find Christmas presents for people. We then went home to relax, but not without getting stuck in traffic.

Sean decided to stay after all. Yay!

Speaking of work, because my department couldn’t keep staff, the fulfillment center was going to help us out.

Winter Storm Elliott hit us on December 22nd. We ended up not having any snow or ice at all. Just freezing cold temperatures and a few patches of black ice here and there. I went to work, but because it was cold, my department wasn’t busy. I was sent to help out with grocery stocking instead. I ended up doing a good job.

Christmas started off as a good day. I made cinnamon rolls for breakfast, we opened presents, and we watched A Christmas Story while cooking dinner. As we were cooking, Tee continuously loaded the dishwasher. At one point, we heard running water. Russell asked if I was doing laundry, and I said no. Tee then said it was the dishwasher, and Russell said it wasn’t. We checked every faucet and pipe in the house until Russell went outside and said it was the hose spicket. He shut the water off, and Tee and I went to the Race Trac down the road to buy some water. In some horrible irony, they were closed because they had a burst pipe too! We went to the other Race Trac, and they said they didn’t know the first one was even closed, but said that explained the sudden influx of customers. We bought a case of water bottles and a few gallons. Meanwhile, Russell called a few plumbers to see if anyone could get to our house the next day. After getting home, we ate dinner. Shortly after dinner, family came over to exchange gifts. Outside of having no water, it was a nice, cozy Christmas.

We got very lucky to get a plumber to our house the next morning. THANK GOD! We’re also very lucky that we had minimal damage to the house, since other houses on our street also had pipes burst that ruined their garages. We caught ours early, I think.

Kandace quit. Easy come, easy go. We STILL don’t have a manager as of posting this.

New Year’s Eve was disappointing. I had to work until 6pm, Russell had to work until 11pm, and The Ohio State lost the game against Georgia. Also, I missed the ball drop. I hadn’t missed it in years, so that made it worse. Russell still kissed me at midnight though.

#my year #2022 #my life

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sarangx · 7 years ago

Text

The War’s Been Won

original

yoongi has one of his depress days and jimin comes to bring him back to the present.

aka

self-indulgent fluff that nobody asked for brought to you by your local ace

he didn't like these days to put it in short terms. he felt that he couldn't control anything that was going on. sure, being an idol meant that they could barely do anything for themselves, but at least they could think during their decisions and answer questions with their own personality. thats how bts did it anyway. he didn't know if the other idol groups were like that or not. quite frankly, he didn't care. he just wanted to feel something, anything. anything except this cold nothingness that had wrapped itself around his mind.

perhaps he could feel something. feel himself slipping away from reality and truth. right back into the times of when he hadn't an ounce of self-appreciation.

he wasn't quite sure which one he preferred.

days of quiet crying that had evolved into loud sobs and screams filled his head. days of so much doubt and fear, he had cut everyone off. he no longer believed in what anyone said. he couldn't hear the words of truth that his closest spoke. everything they said was guaranteed to be a lie, he told himself. he was never quite sure what they were lying about, what they were trying to say. he threw every social interaction away and blocked off any other possibilities of any more.

"why can't you get your ass out of bed?" he remembered his mother shouting at him through the door that had been locked for two weeks straight. he remembered the loud hitting against the door that sounded too much like thunder. he remembered the profanities his mother yelled at him, begging him to get out of his room and just do something.

he would not move.

weeks had grown into months where he would not speak with anyone. his voice became unused. his eyes ran out of tears. his cheeks had sunken in, his ribs horribly visible despite his wardrobe of too-big hoodies and sweaters.

he recalled the pattern of his ceiling very well. he memorized every indent and crack, every stain that made it through their roof. the color of a quickly fading grey was what set his mind at ease before the thoughts started again.

now here he was, a well-known korean idol. he had long since left those memories behind. at least, he'd like to think so. most days he was much too busy to even consider those times. but occasionally, they still managed to sneak into his brain and slow the pace of everything he did.

his motivation would drop tremendously. he'd have to force himself to follow through with the choreography, making countless mistakes while doing so. his mind was always fogged on those days, and he spoke less than he usually would. tears would never fall, no, but he would surely break down by the time he had hidden himself away in his studio, completely abandoning the dorm that held his beloved bandmates.

none of them usually came. they didn't want to face min suga. they didn't know how he'd react and if he'd even tell them what happened. he was not one of verbally expressing feelings or emotions.

usually.

of course, though, as he hid himself underneath a quilt jin had given every member, he couldn't hear the tapping on his studio door.

if anything, it strengthened the haunting memories. the recollection of his mother's vigorous knocking seemed to match that of the gentle rapping against his door according to his muddled brain.

he caved in on himself even more, his heartbeat quickening. his eyes squeezed shut as he pulled his knees up to his chest.

the quiet creaking of the door opening went unnoticed, too lost in his own mind. he did not hear the soft footsteps that nervously stepped towards the lump underneath the blanket that was him.

"yoongi hyung?" the gentle voice of jimin asked, his voice soft and patient. "are you awake?"

yoongi's brain came to a screeching halt as he slowly began to register that there was another human being there. jimin of all people, too. the anxiety of his boyfriend seeing him like this only increased his trembling. it was to the point where the whole blanket was shaking because of the body underneath it.

he told himself to stop it, to be a decent role model for jimin. not some pathetic crybaby that would lose all respect.

but his thinking went on too long, and the vibration of the quilt told jimin that something was wrong.

"yoongi? hyung?' he timidly stepped closer, staring down at the covered body, "what's wrong? it's okay." of course, he didn't know if it would be or not, but his goal was to comfort yoongi.

the concern and worry of the busan boy's voice caught yoongi off guard. it didn't matter how many times jimin would say or do something kind, he simply wasn't used to it. he wasn't sure if he ever would. but once more, questions and what if's swiftly filled up his brain and chased away any hope of getting out of his episode.

with another lack of response, jimin slowly laid a hand on where he guessed yoongi's back was. after doing so, the body stilled in surprise. but with newfound confidence, he rubbed his back in soothing circles. gradually, yoongi's trembled subsided.

without realizing it, he leaned into jimin's warmth. he had yet to get out of the comfort of his blanket, but the vocalist was a step ahead of him. which was to be expected considering how discombobulated everything was to the daegu man.

with slow and gentle movements, as if dealing with a cat, jimin managed to haul the other's body into his lap. yoongi wasn't complaining. after all, it was warm and it smelled nice... the thought of it being jimin he was laying against had yet to register.

with yoongi wrapped securely in a cocoon, jimin began to slip off the fabric of the quilt to see what was wrong with his hyung.

jimin's eyes saddened when he saw his face.

dark circles had formed underneath his eyes, tear tracks exposed on his pale cheeks. his hair was a mess of black strands, showing how it had been tousled with repeatedly. his nose was red and and lips were chapped with dried blood from where yoongi had chewed them too much. but the most terrible thing was the almost inaudible whimpers escaping his throat as his eyes were squeezed together much too tight.

jimin cradled yoongi's cheek, watching as he subconsciously leaned into it. he wiped away the tears with his thumb, kissing the rapper's forehead.

"yoongi, baby, what's wrong?" he murmured, taking on the protective boyfriend role now that he knew his yoongi was upset. when he saw the latter suck in a breath, he brought the other's head into his neck wordlessly. "you're okay now."

the words spoke with so much sincerity that yoongi found himself believing them. he felt the cold of his thoughts slowly begin to dwindle as he breathed in the scent of jimin, his warmth relaxing his mind and body.

"jimin," was all yoongi managed to hoarsely breathe out, clinging onto him and hiding his face into his neck even more.

"what is it, baby? what's the matter?" jimin asked in concern, even more so at the broken tone the other spoke in. this was probably the most vulnerable the great min suga had been to anyone.

"i-i'm sorry," yoongi's voice broke at the last syllable, sobs threatening to fall out of his mouth. "i-i was a mess t-today," he stuttered out, voice practically a tremor as he held jimin tighter. "m-my dep-depression--" he couldn't continue due to the sudden sob that ripped out of his chest.

jimin held his yoongi tighter, rocking them back and forth.

"shh, it's okay," he whispered soothingly into his ear, "don't apologize for something you can't control, darling. is there anything i can do?"

"just...hold me," yoongi said softly, breathing shakily. "please."

jimin nodded, not questioning the sudden desperation for skinship and comfort. he wasn't complaining, but he also wished it wasn't because of these circumstances.

"you're beautiful, you know that?" he murmured into yoongi's ear as he continued to rock them both back and forth in a careful rhythm. "i love how your eyes sparkle when you get excited, and how you fidget a lot when you get impatient or nervous. jin hyung always tells you to stop but we know he doesn't really expect you to." jimin laughs a little at that.

he continues to praise yoongi and tell of stories fondly, his steady rocking never diminishing. it isn't until yoongi is completely relaxed in his embrace does he gently slide a piece of stray hair behind his ear.

"you've won the war, baby," he murmurs proudly, and a smile stretches across yoongi's face as sleep gradually takes him.

yes, he did.

#distant yelling #bts #bangtan sonyeondan #beyond the scene??#yoonmin #writing #min yoongi #park jimin #bts suga #bts jimin #i posted this in late january ok give me a break #hurt/comfort #fluff #angst

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hopefullystillatheatrestudent · 4 years ago

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The One Where Jensen Ackles Confirmed Cockles in 2016(????) No. Seriously. For real.

this is a DOOZY. strap in folks.

DISCLAIMER: this is chock full of rps. if you are against cockles/jenmish in any way, this post is not for you. however, if you’re like me, ummmmm...

alright. so. we are REALLY in it now, cockles truthers. and make no mistake, i DO NOT want to undersell the significance of what we have found on this glorious day in 2021.

BUT HEY! DISCLAIMER FIRST, THOUGH IT SHOULD GO WITHOUT SAYING! do not EVER bring this to jensen and misha’s attention. do not comment disrespectful things on social media. when cons/panels start again, don’t ask them questions about it. ever!!! that’s super weird, for one thing, and for two, they won’t give you the answer you want anyway! so, yeah. just be decent, y’all. let’s continue.

so my dear mutual @green-blue-heller made this post today and i promptly lost my mind. in it, they link this video:

youtube

as far as i can tell, it’s from VegasCon 2016 but was only unprivated on january 24, 2020(dean winchester’s birthday??? wow ok) for some reason, and we have overlooked it until now. to whoever it was that posted it, THANK you for my reason for being and this delayed gratification five years later. anyway, let’s get into it.

right off the bat, those expressions in the thumbnail kind of tell you all you need to know about what we’re venturing into. i have to thank BOTH jensen AND j*red for being ridiculously transparent. i mean...j*red purposefully avoiding eye contact with jensen and looking at the ceiling with his eyebrows raised sky high? jensen hiding his face in his hands, smiling and blushing like a fool, the misha face™ & grin???

so let’s break down what happens with timestamps and everything.

so! i looked up what the question was, i scoured through the entire Vegas Con video, and here it is:

‘My question is for Jensen and Jared. You guys are both happily married, and I noticed that many people had a hard time explaining how they know their significant other is the one. The one they want to spend the rest of their life with, the one that they want to be with, and so, I wanted to ask you guys, how did you know that your current- who you’re with now(audience laughter cuts the rest of the question off and it’s unintelligible)’ ….i’m solidly guessing that the end of that question boils down to ‘was the one’. (....i...uhhhh....have some thoughts on how this question affected jensen, and i will be going into them later.)

Jared: *laughs* Jared, Jensen. When did you first meet your future ex-wives?

*both of them laugh*

Jared: I’m just kidding-I get what you’re trying to say and thank you, um...I, uh, I guess my current wife, uh-

*both laugh again*

Jensen: (sarcastically) Let’s start with her.

Jared: (repeats) Let’s start with her. I, uh, I...you said something kinda, uh, amazing in your question, which is that a lot of people have a tough time or a difficult time explaining to their significant others or to themselves what it is. And I guess I feel that I have no way to possibly explain it to myself or to her... I remember that I had been in a relationship and that I was single and I was like ‘I am not interested in getting in a relationship’ and then she and I went on a date and I was like, ‘I can’t go anywhere else. I’m not interested.’ So, that was kinda what, um, what started it for me *clears throat loudly* Uh. Yeah, I just feel like (searching for words) she makes me a better person-there are a lot of people that make you a better person, and so that’s not enough, I don’t think-or maybe it is, who knows-um...I don’t know, I can’t really...if I could explain, I’d be a poet.

here’s where things start to get interesting. before jared says ‘If I could explain, I’d be a poet,’ Jensen’s face looks like this:

stoic, thoughtful, composed. and then AFTER jared says that his face makes THIS little journey:

go watch it for yourself. this man is ridiculous. in terms of body language? he gazes up and AWAY from jared. it is a private thought, he is not sharing in jared’s joke with him, if at all. it is his own personal musings that make his face LIGHT up like that. this fool looks lovestruck!!! this fool is lovestruck!!!

now, i think it goes without saying, but there is an obvious cockles reason that springs to mind for this reaction. (hint: misha is a poet. that’s it, that’s the reason.) i don’t think jared intentionally said this with misha in mind, but jensen’s thoughts IMMEDIATELY went there. whether or not this is because he was already planning on answering and hinting at his relationship with misha before jared says this, which i think he was-you can certainly see the wheels turning in jensen’s head before this moment-his brain involuntarily makes the connection and it shows in his glowing smile. after that remark...jensen’s gone. he’s whipped. and he HAS to say something about it.

continuing from where we left off:

Jared: ...and I would love to be a poet. (thought it would be fun to mention that at this point Jensen catches what his face did and immediately looks over to Jared and WIPES the expression of his face...but it’s too late, because someone recorded it, i saw it, and now i’m writing about it five years later)

Jared: But uhh…

Jensen: (interrupting) Just tap me when you want me to take over.

i think that jensen is simultaneously joking and is also more than ready to say what he’s been composing in his head diligently for the last thirty or so seconds. he has made up his mind, and is now ready to drop the bomb on us.

*audience laughs, Jared playfully swats at him*

Jared: Uh… *thinks in silence for a bit* It’s really difficult, it’s really difficult. She makes me feel safe, she makes me feel loved. Uh...when...I’m in a position where I don’t love myself, I know she loves me, you know, um...she’s just an awesome, awesome lady.

*audience claps*

alright! so in terms of my OWN analysis for what’s happened up until this point, the conclusion i have come to is that there was something in the question that was asked that sets jensen’s mind off about misha, and i think it was the ‘the one’ comment. if we’re putting our cockles goggles on, jensen doesn’t HAVE a ‘the one’. he resents thinking like that. i’m also very intuitive, and i get a sense that jensen is an honest person and can’t really tell a convincing lie. i mean...we all saw that horrible airbnb debacle, right? and his slip up when he accidentally confirms that misha woke up and said ‘i miss (maison)’[which how would you know that unless you were...nvm] and became a stammering mess and had to sit down and cover his face. and that misha is always the one to take the lead when it comes to denying clothes sharing, for instance. jensen has never ONCE attempted to explain that away, because i don’t think anyone would believe him, and i think he’s incapable of doing so because he’s not a dishonest person and can’t lie easily. i’m the same way, so to avoid telling a lie i always speak partial truths, and i’m 99% sure jensen is well versed in this talent as well. oh, also, just to really land my point....we all know how he feels about the finale because he can’t make himself speak well on it. he’ll gush about 15x18 and the PEOPLE BEHIND the finale, but he has not uttered one. positive. word. about the actual finale itself. i mean, we all know what he thinks about it. in his own way, he has made his rage glaringly obvious. and i think he’s doing that exact thing here, where he resents the implication that daneel is the only ‘one’ for him, because that’s simply not true, and he can’t and won’t lie about something like that.

i watched it back again and wrote notes on jensen’s body language as he’s processing the question. here they are:

from 0:13 to 1:21, jensen:

looks down - tenses face - searching eyes, lost in thought - jared’s comment brings him out of it but it takes a second - fidgets, adjusts clothes, looks at jared - bites the inside of his cheeks and moves tongue around his mouth(pacifying gesture) - eyes start wandering away from jared, looks down and tenses face, looks back at jared - then looks away, eyes and mind far from the panel and pondering the question itself - somewhat wistful expression, gears clearly turning in his head, lips pursed, stops reacting to what jared is saying, fingers start fidgeting, eyes have moved downward as he is lost in thought - something shifts in his brain, he looks to the ceiling, fidgets and adjusts his clothing, squints and seems to resolve an inner thought - slightly comes back down to earth with newfound resolution - and then jared’s ‘i would be a poet’ comment happens while he’s coming down from that

i mean, this obviously doesn’t necessarily mean anything huge(yet), all it shows is that this question took a lot of thinking for him. when you compare it to how jared kind of just dove in?

anyway; so then jared’s done, he slaps jensen’s thigh to indicate it’s his turn, jensen makes THAT face you see in the thumbnail, jared’s eyebrows raise, jensen looks down and scratches his forehead, and then makes the statement of a lifetime.

here’s the link for this next part

Jensen: Ummm..I kind of feel like there’s two types of people ..uh..in regards to marriage and the, the one. Uh, it’s the ones that just, just know with an absolute and, and have a certainty of like, this is the one for me, unequivocally. And then there’s those who are, you know, I don’t know, I’m scared, but I’m willing to take that leap of faith with you. And, I kind of find myself in between both of those(...types of people). And uh, and so, it can be a scary endeavour, and it can, and it will certainly have it’s ups and downs, um, but I think it’s a, uh, it’s a bond, and it’s a connection, and it’s a friendship, and it’s a ride, and it’s a journey that, uh, if you’re willing to stick it out with one another, can be an amazing, beautiful thing and I’m glad that I picked the partner and the teammate that I have, so.

i’ll give you like a second to recuperate before we dig in.

let’s start with both jared and jensen’s body language first, because it wasn’t even the words that clued me in, it was whatever the hell was going on with jared’s face.

i really wish i could gif, but i can only attempt to convey the SPEED and VIGOUR with which jared snaps his head toward jensen.

these pictures are objectively hilarious because you can see the entire mental journey that jared goes on. he was aloof and kind of relaxed because he was done, it’s jensen’s turn now, he’s surely not gonna out himself with this question right? and then jensen goes ahead and says ‘there are two-’ and jared instantly zones right into jensen with a look of horror on his face, that he tries to contain, but does so unsuccessfully. that is the face of a man who is internally freaking out, thought to himself ‘did he seriously just say...’ and is kind of staring at the culprit in shock and awe.

i know that’s what’s happening, because this is not the first time we’ve seen him react like this to something jensen has said. the classic head whip. a few examples, just off the top of my head:

1. ‘he has, hasn’t he?’

2. ‘he sounds like that in the morning’ ‘how do you know’

3. when he whips his head around when he notices jensen’s face(and instantly understands when he realizes it’s misha)

so yeah, i’m sure you get it by now. jared can’t really keep it off of his face. there’s no real analyzing to be done here...it’s just an obvious tell on his part. there’s no real reason for him to have reacted this way if jensen was saying something inconspicuous, is there? he would have continued to just kind of space out if jensen hadn’t just said something jarringly questionable.

as for jensen’s body language, i can’t really tell where he’s looking from either angle of both videos i’ve seen. sometimes it seems like he’s looking straight at jared, and maybe nods at him once, but he could also(and is most likely) looking at the fan who asked the question. i don’t think there’s anything particularly telling about his body language because i think he rehearsed his answer in his head and also, he’s not shying away because he’s not lying about anything. like...everything he’s saying is true, so he’s not going to have any tells. and it’s the fact that he is TELLING THE TRUTH that is freaking jared out.

now for what he actually says. because oh my god.

right off the bat, he says “i kind of feel like there’s two types of people..” and first off, what? what does that even mean? if you think of it in terms of ‘this is about daneel and only daneel’....isn’t this a realllyyyyy strange thing to start out with? objectively? the question that was asked to him was ‘how did you know they were the one?’ and he goes ‘actually there’s TWO types of people’ ...like, jensen never answers the question at hand.

and then he goes “in regards to marriage and the one”. i hope i’m not the only one who noticed he said the words ‘the one’ in a resentful and kind of degrading tone? seriously, listen to it again. he seems like he’s almost mocking that sentiment. i swear i’m not making it up, it really sounds like that to me.

and then he says “-it’s the ones that just, just know with an absolute and, and have a certainty of like, this is the one for me, unequivocally. And then there’s those who are, you know, I don’t know, I’m scared, but I’m willing to take that leap of faith with you.” *NON TINHAT VERSION OF EVENTS* what he could mean, i guess, is he was both scared to be with daneel but also knew she was the one for him. which....ok. alright. *TINHAT BACK ON* first off, there’s absolutely no risk with daneel. that’s not a judgement, because i love her; it’s just true. she’s a pretty, talented, amazing woman and they are very much in love. i’m not sure what risks he’s taking there. next up: pretty strange wording then, don’t you think? idk, if it were you, and you wanted to get that point across, wouldn’t you use words like ‘she both scared me and i knew i wanted to be with her at the same time’ and NOT this convoluted mess of ‘there’s two types of people and they are both drastically different but also one and the same’?

SECOND OF ALL, as many people have pointed out.....he never uses pronouns. this is strange. jared does. jared says gen’s name, even. and uses ‘she’ and ‘her’. jensen never once does that, he practically refuses to do so. and yes, i fully believe it is entirely intentional.

because if you look at this phrase from a cockles lens it makes more sense then if you do not.

the one that jensen knows, unequivocally, with the utmost certainty, is the one for him, no doubts, no risks; is daneel. the one that he doesn’t know about, is scared of being with, but is willing to take that leap of faith anyway; is misha. and all of a sudden the puzzle pieces fall into place.

because he goes on to say “I kind of find myself in between both of those.”

he doesn’t say ‘i find myself in between both of those...with her.’ nope. he’s just...in between. caught in the middle. of those two types of people. translation: of those two people. mish. dee.

“And it can be a scary endeavour, and it will certainly have it’s ups and downs, but I think it’s a bond, and it’s a connection, and it’s a friendship, and it’s a ride, and it’s a journey...”

every single one of those words can be applied to more than one person. think about it. bond(between three people). connection(between three people). friendship(between three people!!!). there’s no ‘partnership’ in here, which does only apply to two people.

lastly, “i’m glad i picked the partner and the teammate that i have.”

ok, look. you can easily say that it’s just one person he’s talking about here! of course you can. but this is jensen ackles we’re talking about. jensen ‘rock and pebble’ ackles. jensen ‘mish. dee.’ ackles. so yes. i definitely think that ‘the partner and the teammate’ fall into this category. and i think daneel is the partner and misha is the teammate.

to put it matter-of-factly: you simply cannot prove that this isn’t about a poly relationship. there is absolutely nothing he says that makes it obvious he is talking about one person here. because he isn’t.

i just feel like, in the simplest terms, if this were about only daneel, that he would not be using these weird phrases that are half-hidden truths. just to compare, i watched another panel where pretty much the exact same question was asked, minus the whole ‘the one’ debacle, and, just as i suspected, it was an entirely different answer. he talks about the moment where he knew he liked her. her, specifically. says the name daneel. gushes about her. there’s no tiptoeing and weird pronoun usage and vague terminology.

tl; dr : i think he answered the question this way because there is no ‘the one’ in his life. and he is physically incapable of leaving misha out when talking about ‘the one’ because he has TWO ‘the ones’. and he wants to answer the question to the best of his best ability, but lying is unnatural to him. he will talk about daneel at length and misha at length, but i honestly to my core don’t think you could make him choose between the two. oh! and we literally had confirmation all the way back in fucking 2016, we just never paid attention until now. so......thanks, jensen?

sorry, this got super long, but i hope i warned you well enough.

#helloooo cockles truthing community #my anxiety is sky-high rn bc this is so damning for them #but i mean i can't feel bad because jensen SAID those things.#anyway am i contributing to cockles lore??? god i hope so #i mean it when i say i am SWEATING #if you think i'm reaching...i know more than you #rps for ts #team dumpster mansion #cockles confirmation #cockles #jenmish #long post for ts #cockles meta #relationship spec #all that jazz #jensenxmisha #mine

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transmasc-wizard · 3 years ago

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Here's my writblr intro

you know, the one i've been saying 'i'll get to' for like 2 weeks

Hey, I'm Nico, and my pronouns are he/they! I'm a queer teen writer, and i'm (sort of) a writblr now!

(To be clear: i'm still absolutely gonna post other stuff. However, i'll now tag that stuff "not writblr"--that way if anyone wants to follow solely for writblr content, they can.)

I write epic fantasy, urban fantasy, supernatural fantasy (i like fantasy ok), thrillers, queer fiction, and YA.

the FAQ:

"hey nico what's nanowrimo?"it's a writing challenge where you write 50k words, here's the website, have fun

"hey nico will you do tag games?" fuck yeah tag me, also do not worry like "hey maybe i've tagged him too much lately", i LOVE tag games.

"hey nico can i tag you in something random/a meme/a cat picture/a social justice post?" yep, go nuts

"hey nico can i know your exact age" no (this. has been asked)

"hey nico how can you be a bi aroace" like this!

"hey nico do you give writing advice" yeah, and I have a masterpost here that I update... mostly-frequently

"hey nico can i be on your taglist for {blank}" absolutely, i'll always say yes, you can just say "add me to {blank} pls" and i will

My WIPs (more extensive WIP intros themselves will happen later):

WIP: Gay Fairytale Series (GFS). books: 5. I talk about: 1 (Gay fairytale WIP 1), 2 (GFW2), the series as a whole. Genre: epic fantasy.

WIP's OCs: Angelique, Rowan, Cor, Ollie, Tasya, Vanya, Bea, Hope.

General synopsis: GFS is a queer fairytale retelling (cinderella mainly, and some others later on) about a group of teens destined to destroy the world and how they spite the government as much as possible while trying not to succumb to their fates. (I know it doesn't sound like cinderella but it is i promise--)

Taglist: @the-gay-lady-of-ravenclaw-tower, @timelybees, @stormharbors, @citywillow, @strawberrie-faerie, @void-fireworks, @pigeontnt, @phoenixistrans, @dauntlessshadowice1, ask to be +/-

Status: drafted (books 1/2), second drafting (GFW1), plotting (book 3), generally planning (books 4/5).

WIP: Nano Thriller 2021 (NT21). books: 1. Genre: supernatural thriller.

WIP's OCs: Lissa, Ace, Raf, Winston, Thalia, Jade.

General synopsis: a group of prodigies are the first students to go to a new prestigious academy. But when murder hits the halls, they realize it's haunted by both monsters and a serial killer and they must figure out who's behind it, or be the next victims.

Taglist: @the-gay-lady-of-ravenclaw-tower, @stormharbors, @googolplexicon, @bluewritesbadly, @judylunsford, @void-fireworks, @citywillow, @strawberrie-faerie, @dauntlessshadowice1, ask to be +/-

status: first drafting

wip intro | comic sans powerpoint | wip page

WIP: Valarie Saintly is Totally Normal

OCs: Val, Mack, Leah, James, Spacey, Franklin

General synopsis: Val saved the world! now she's trying to live life even though people keep trying to get her help again. She's welcomed into a group of slightly criminal weirdos and shenanigans ensue as she learns self-care and other mushy stuff.

Taglist: uhhhh @goldentangerines i think. please correct me if im wrong. also @dauntlessshadowice1, @inked-fables, @master-of-fluff and @void-fireworks. ask to be +/-

status: plotting, will be drafting in January 2022.

the comic sans powerpoint which is also the wip intro

WIP: Golden Heists

OCs: they don't have names yet but they kill people and they're gay

General synopsis: a bunch of criminals break out of prison then work together to steal from monarchs and get revenge on those who've wronged them. Almost everyone dies, or worse!

Taglist: @writeblrfantasy, @stormharbors, @citywillow, @master-of-fluff, @dauntlessshadowice1, ask to be +/-

status: plotting, will be drafting at some point in 2022.

If you'd like to be added to a taglist, please specify the WIP or if you'd like to be added to all in general!

Also it'd be great if this was reblogged (no pressure), i'd love to find more writblrs to follow! (especially if you write similar stuff!)

#writblr #writeblr #writers of tumblr #writblr introduction #writblr intro #nico yells into the void #my wips #pinned post #<-this is so i can find it after nano again #im going to change it back

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blogger-yura · 3 years ago

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Entry #29 Oct 27th '21

#YurasLife #WholesomeWednesday

𝐖𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐖𝐞𝐝𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐝𝐚𝐲 - 𝐎𝐎𝐓𝐃

Hello hello my pretty angels! How's the week treating you, hm? It's Wednesday already! Middle of the week! Time's going by sooo fast lately, don't you feel like it? Before we know it, it's going to be January again (╥_╥) Weather is also turning colder every day, but that has never stopped me from wearing a nice skirt outside! I am kinda regretting it, but I'll be home soon and get into my pajamas! I'm really looking forward to it hahaha

It's also the middle of the day, now that I'm looking at the clock! Have you been taking care today? Here, some little reminders in case you forgot today!

• Your wellbeing and your happiness is important, take that break! Give yourself the time to gather your thoughts and distract for a bit. Recreational activities are as important as anything else you might be doing right now.

• Your health is your most important responsibility. No matter if you're working, studying, or you just don't feel like it- Looking after yourself has to be a priority! Go snack on something, drink water, open a window if you haven't yet!

• Your pace is the right pace to go. It doesn't matter if whatever you're doing takes you longer than you'd like, it doesn't matter if others finish before you do. Your pace is the right pace! Take things as easy as you possibly can, do things right, do things with quality and care, don't push yourself for fast results.

𝐋𝐞𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐟𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐚 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞

𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐞 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞

For today's quote, and considering it's been a second since my last wholesome post, I picked one that I think we all need to hear sometimes- A quote that I certainly needed a few weeks ago and has helped me realize how much I was actually neglecting myself.

"Let yourself fade away a little to rise again from the right place at the right time"

It's a small quote, but I think the message is loud and clear. The same way we sometimes need to break down to be able to put ourselves back together again, the same way we need to allow ourselves to be hurt to get over sadness and pain, sometimes we just need to allow ourselves to fade away. Sometimes you need to allow yourself to be a little numb, to simply exist and lose yourself a little before you can actually rise again. You can't find yourself if you don't allow your essence to get lost! Rising from the right place, at the right time, is rising whenever you feel like you've had enough. Getting lost to your work, your responsibilities, and your hectic schedules makes you fade. Little by little, it makes you lose your spark.

You'll rise again when you have enough, when you decide that's not how you want to live your life. And that will be the right place and the right time.

I really don't want to make today's post longer than needed, so I'll be wrapping it up now! I hope you guys know that it is ok to get lost a little sometimes. It's ok to not be sure what to do, or where you're going, or what's the point. It's ok to be unmotivated and to give in to your routine at times. You can make it past, you will do when you have to. As long as you rise again, then you're never failing!

I love you all, please remember that! You're loved, you're needed, and you're doing great already! Keep working on being better, keep working on growing, learning, fighting for yourself. Stay strong, stay awesome and stay beautiful, always. -Yura ♡

🧡: @madmanwoodam @vitoria-oc @archangel-oc @shin-haneul @lunaaofthemoon @moongoddesselene @jinju-oc @ochouse @cbville @esmeralda-oc @jihan-oc

@cb-museclub @achillesunwoo @ares-bc @warblerchangmin @mafia-chae @unseelie-dejun @skzcbspam @betrayerjongup @ppg-3ye @moonlightchn @temptationcb @demigodnct @vampiremomo @suburbanbots @antiromantic-jun @roommates-bot @modelyonghee @floristyujeong @literature-bot @eunwoo-bot @hopelessromantic-juyeon @silvernightcb @choipaths @botuniverse @modelsora @adorbsana @richsocietybot @runawayscb @godly-bots @hwangxmaximoff @velvetparadise @berryjinnie @revengebots @urown-im @azieville-institution @7deadlysins-chan @journeythroughtime @mverses

#yura types 🧡#wholesome wednesday

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youareinlovees · 4 years ago

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Taylor and Joe in 2019

January 2nd – Joe is seen leaving Taylor’s Tribeca apartment. (x)

January 6th – They both attend the Golden Globes in LA.

“While Taylor presented, Joe watched the teleprompter near him and smiled and [his The Favourite costar] Nicholas Hoult patted him on the back. After Gaga walked on stage, Joe shifted his gaze to the stage near Taylor. She was smiling at him while she walked off the stage. She looked over her shoulder and gave a sassy cute little smile at his table’s direction.”

(via US Weekly)

January 6th – An ET reporter asks Joe if he and Taylor would ever work together. (x)

“It’s not planned at the moment but who knows.”

“Swift joined Alwyn at Fox’s party at the Beverly Hilton Hotel. The instant she entered the event, the “Gorgeous” singer made a beeline for The Favourite star, putting her head on his shoulder and hand on his chest. Swift didn’t leave Alwyn’s side, posing for photos and chatting with Alwyn’s co-star, Nicholas Hoult, as she kept her hand around Alwyn’s waist. At the end of the evening, the two exited through the back of the venue and away from the crowds.”

(via Entertainment Tonight)

FOX Post Show Celebration was also one of the starriest, with The Favourite cast holding court at their table and having a ball throughout the night. Big winner Olivia Colman was seen taking shots with Joe Alwyn, who was accompanied by girlfriend Taylor Swift the whole night.

The Grammy winner cheered on the cast as they took the shots and was affectionate with her beau throughout the celebration. The ultra-private couple was spotted kissing and cozying up at their table along with Alwyn’s Favourite costar Emma Stone and her Saturday Night Live writer boyfriend Dave McCary.

(via PEOPLE)

CAA party: Alwyn and Swift made a brief appearance around 1 a.m. Security swarmed them,” the source says. “They sat in a couch at a table with their drinks in the back of the party and were talking with several people. They looked at each other a few times and it seemed like Joe was trying to make sure she was OK and gauge when she wanted to leave. They were then escorted out of a private exit together.”

(via E Online)

Video of them arriving at one of the afterparties.

February 8th – Taylor and Joe are spotted leaving The Spaniards Inn in Hampstead, London. (x)

February 9th – They’re seen walking around in Notting Hill.

February 10th – Taylor skips the Grammys and attends several BAFTA afterparties with Joe instead. (x) (x)

Taylor Swift spotted caressing Joe Alwyn after sneaking into BAFTA dinner (x)

Determined to keep a low profile, Taylor swerved the main event at the Royal Albert Hall attended by the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge and headed straight to the exclusive dinner at the swanky Grosvenor Hotel on Park Lane.

“Taylor and Joe spent most of the evening in the middle of the room near the head table and based on table 68. They were chatting to colleagues but Taylor didn’t hide her affection towards Joe. She was seen caressing his back as they chatted away to a pal. It was clear they were an item but Taylor appeared conscious not to make a big deal about her appearance - she was just there for a good time rather than working like she would have to at the Grammys. Taylor didn’t leave Joe’s side all evening.”

Keen to keep a memento from the night, Taylor was seen taking home two pottery rabbit table decorations from her table.

Taylor talked to a Grazia reporter about The Favourite and how proud she was of him. (x)

While Grazia chatted to Joe about working with Olivia Colman (‘She was amazing,’ he gushed), Taylor appeared and gave him a congratulatory squeeze. ‘I was watching the show from home,’ she told us. ‘Every time The Favourite won another award, I was just squealing! I couldn’t believe it,’ she continued. ‘It’s so great for him – and it’s his first time coming to the BAFTAs, so it’s exciting. It’s a big deal.’ The singer, who is currently filming Cats, added how ‘proud’ she was of Joe’s success.

They were seen leaving the Vogue / Tiffany & Co afterparty. (video) (x)

February 12th – In an interview with ET, Rebel Wilson is asked whether she’s seen Joe on the set of CATS. (x)

“I haven’t! I have met him, but not on set.”

February 22nd – Taylor and Joe attend the CAA Oscars pre-party in West Hollywood. (x)

February 23rd – The Mirror publishes an article about Olivia Colman and Taylor becoming friends through Joe. (x)

A source revealed: “After the Baftas Taylor sang up a storm with Olivia Colman, Joe and Melissa McCarthy too at a London hotel. They had their own room and Olivia and Taylor were behaving like best buddies.Taylor thinks Olivia is amazing, she loves her and the sing song wasn’t a one off.” The insider added: “They have already made plans for Oscar week. They’re going to have a rerun of the karaoke night and Olivia has even been to Taylor and Joe’s LA home too.”

February 24th – Taylor and Joe hang out with Martha, Camila Cabello and Matthew Hussey at the Vanity Fair Oscars afterparty.

Video of them at the Fox afterparty.

“Taylor Swift made a surprise appearance with her boyfriend, The Favourite star Joe Alwyn. As the party wound down, Swift and Alwyn were overheard contemplating late-night karaoke with Alwyn’s co-star Nicholas Hoult.”

(via Vanity Fair)

February 25th – Joe posts a photo taken in Taylor’s LA house.

March 3rd – Taylor and Joe are seen hiking together in the Santa Monica mountains. (video)

A picture he took of her is later included in the Lover photoshoot. (x)

March 6th – Taylor drops an ELLE article titled “30 Things I Learned Before Turning 30.″ (x)

How to fight fair with the ones you love. Chances are you’re not trying to hurt the person you love and they aren’t trying to hurt you. If you can wind the tension of an argument down to a conversation about where the other person is coming from, there’s a greater chance you can remove the shame of losing a fight for one of you and the ego boost of the one who “won” the fight. I know a couple who, in the thick of a fight, say “Hey, same team.” Find a way to defuse the anger that can spiral out of control and make you lose sight of the good things you two have built. They don’t give out awards for winning the most fights in your relationship. They just give out divorce papers.

Apologizing when you have hurt someone who really matters to you takes nothing away from you. Even if it was unintentional, it’s so easy to just apologize and move on. Try not to say “I’m sorry, but...” and make excuses for yourself. Learn how to make a sincere apology, and you can avoid breaking down the trust in your friendships and relationships.

For too long, the projected opinions of strangers affected how I viewed my relationships. Whether it was the general internet consensus of who would be right for me, or what they thought was “couples goals” based on a picture I posted on Instagram. That stuff isn’t real. For an approval seeker like me, it was an important lesson for me to learn to have my OWN value system of what I actually want.

Playing mind games is for the chase. In a real relationship or friendship, you’re shooting yourself in the foot if you don’t tell the other person how you feel, and what could be done to fix it. No one is a mind reader. If someone really loves you, they want you to verbalize how you feel. This is real life, not chess.

April 17th – Emma Roberts and Garrett Hedlund (Joe’s Billy Lynn co-star) visit Joe and Taylor at their LA place. (x)

April 24th – Taylor sends @/daylightanna – a family friend of the Alwyns – reputation merch and a signed photo for her birthday. (x)

April 26th – Taylor posts a video of her cat Benjamin Button, and Joe’s hand is clearly visible at the start of the clip. (x)

April 30th – In the ME! behind the scenes video where Taylor meets Benji, she says she has to “get on the phone” before she can adopt him. (x)

May 1st – In an interview with iHeartRadio Canada, Taylor is asked about how she chose Benji’s name. (x)

What made you decide to go with the name Benjamin Button?

I really liked the movie Benjamin Button.

Okay, that’s a good answer.

And Benjamin Button in the movies is such a good guy, you know? He’s always doing the right thing.

May 2nd – The day after the BBMAs, Taylor leaves Las Vegas for London.

May 4th – Taylor is seen in Notting Hill (again).

May 15th – Taylor is interviewed on The Ellen Show, and at one point Ellen says to the audience, “We have to take a break, and then uh, we’re gonna come back and she’s gonna talk all about her boyfriend!” (video)

May 21st – Taylor leaves LA for London, and then she and Joe fly to France the next day.

May 24th – Taylor and Joe are seen out in Paris together. (x)

They visit the Pont Neuf Bridge and the Square du Vert-Galant, where scenes from the Begin Again music video were filmed.

They also went to the Grand Palais on the same trip.

Joe posts these photos that Taylor took.

May 25th – In an interview with NRJ Paris, Taylor was asked what she would do if her boyfriend forgot her birthday. (x)

“Wouldn’t happen. I don’t know how to react to something that is an impossibility. I’m so loud about my birthday, you couldn’t miss it.”

May 25th – Taylor likes and reblogs this chain post.

May 26th – Taylor posts photos from her hotel room that Joe most likely took.

May 31st – Taylor and Joe go on a double date with Rob Pattinson and Suki Waterhouse at San Vicente Bungalows in LA. (x)

The San Vicente Bungalows is an exclusive members-only club and has a "no phones, no pictures, no social media, no talking about other members-policy." So it truly is the perfect place for two private couples to have a double date out.

Other people still saw Swift, Alwyn, Pattinson, and Waterhouse, and one onlooker told Us Weekly that the date happened. It was good fun. "The four were laughing and talking" all night, the onlooker said. "They were at a table, just the four of them. Rob and Taylor were across from each other."

June 12th – Katy Perry posts a photo from Taylor’s place, and a blurry polaroid of Joe and Benji can be seen in the corner.

June 19th – Taylor leaves NYC and flies to London.

June 27th – Taylor films the BBC Children In Need documentary and says she got involved because Olivia Colman reached out to Joe.

(via taylorswifth)

Olivia talks about how she managed to get Taylor to show up and surprise Shaun. (x)

“Taylor Swift goes out with a very lovely fella, Joe Alwyn, who I did a job with. And I did a very cheeky text at him and went, ‘Do you think Taylor will come along and surprise Shaun Dooley?’”

June 29th – kingkeir tweets about Taylor renting a place near London Zoo.

July 2nd – Taylor, Martha, Ashley and the HAIM sisters go on vacation to the St Thomas Virgin Islands. (x)

July 6th – Joe finishes filming A Christmas Carol, the same day Taylor and her friends are papped flying back to the US. They presumably meet up in New York the next day.

July 10th – Taylor performs at the Amazon Prime Day Concert in NYC. Throughout the show–and especially during Delicate–she kept looking and pointing at Joe, who was sitting in the soundbooth. (video)

In Ashley’s IG story, Gigi says “Taylor can’t stop looking at him!” and she replies “here text him!” (video)

July 11th – The day after the Prime Concert, they fly from NYC to London.

July 13th – Taylor and Joe were reportedly seen at Starbucks in Muswell Hill.

July 16th – In a radio interview with KIIS 1065, Katy Perry talks about ending her feud with Taylor. (x)

“I started seeing her around at like the Oscar parties when she was accompanying her boyfriend and I just went up to her and I was like 'hey, you know it's been a long time and I think we've grown up a little bit and I just wanted to say I'm sorry.”

July 18th – Taylor and Joe fly to Manchester, and it’s pretty likely that this photo (posted on July 26) was from this trip, because it was taken at the Peak District and that’s an hour long drive from Manchester.

July 20th – Joe and Taylor arrive in LA.

July 24th – Taylor likes this post.

July 23rd – Taylor films the Lover music video in LA. Joe and Andrea are seen sitting together on set. (x)

July 25th – Riley Knoxx posts a vlog on her YouTube channel about her experience of being in the YNTCD video. She talks about her conversations with Taylor on-set, and how Taylor showed her photos of her with Joe. (x)

“We talked about everything, from whether we want kids or not, [Taylor] showed me videos of her cats and her boyfriend, who she’s rarely seen with, but she’s showing me, you know, the pictures.”

July 30th – In an interview with Cosmopolitan, Rebel Wilson is asked whether she got some dating tips from Taylor while they were filming CATS. (x)

“She’s in a pretty committed relationship now, so it didn’t really come up.”

August 2nd – London secret sessions are held.

Taylor name dropped Joe when explaining Cruel Summer, confirming that it’s about him. (x)

She also talks to theirgetawaycar about spending Christmas in Ireland, which stacks because we know she spent the holidays with Joe and their families at Glin Castle.

Keep reading

2016 // 2017 // 2018 // 2020 // 2021

#taylor swift #joe alwyn #taylor and joe #joe and taylor #tay and joe #jaylor #toe #swiftwyn

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mercurytrinemoon · 3 years ago

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See, I said I’m going to do a Mayer-Katy synastry post. That was in January but better late, than never, eh?

You know, I think about John and Katy a lot. And how he wrote pretty much an entire album about her… while she mingled with Orlando Bloom (spoiler alert, I’m going to make a post on them as well cause their synastry chart is low-key perfect).

I wanted to analyze this chart because a) their synastry is weird at first glance but I wanted to talk about what you can pay attention to while reading one b) I just love Mayer so I’m just taking any chance to talk about him 🤷

Ok the elephant in the room… They both have stelliums in neighbouring signs. I’m gonna be honest, I don’t like seeing a lot of semi-sextile action but with that being said, it fascinates me (I’m thinking if having a thing for neighbouring signs is a result of progressed planets 🤔). He’s a Libra and she’s a Scorpio and what’s funny (and important to note) is that none of them have any energy in those respective neighbouring signs. Actually, synastrically, they both have unaspected Suns AND his Mercury is unaspected as well (yea, unaspected planets in synastry… always a big mistery. There’s something interesting about them and I don’t think I’ve found any explanation to this yet).

But let’s get to nice things:

His Moon conjunct her Venus. It’s a 5° conjunction and separating BUT both planets are very receptive. This is such a sweet aspect. They recorded a song together called “Who You Love” and I think this was s very fitting manifestation of that conjunction. And Moon is ruling his MC so he was like “let’s be sappy in public and release a song together yay”. And as I said, he wrote some songs about her after they broke up (I made some additional research for the sake of this post) and I believe he said he feels like he won’t find another person like her. This is that Moon speaking. And a sad natal 12th house Venus that he has (because it’s important to also pay attention to what is going on there; like, he’s such a meatball soft guy… but that point aside).

His Moon conjunct her Uranus. OKAY LISTEN. I know it’s a generational planet but the orb is 0°26’ - we can certainly count that, especially since I can perfectly see the result of that conjunction. First, it’s on-and-off relationship kind of vibe. Second, this can produce electrifying, addicting, buzzing energy. Trust me, I know. It’s a bit unpredictable but it’s my personal favourite. Side note, tight Uranus aspects can also lead to love at first sight; they’re like a lightning bolt; they give you chills.

His Uranus conjunct her Mercury and ascendant. Look, another one. Mercury-Uranus is genius energy. It’s having adventures together. Again, this gives sudden flashes of ideas and feeelings.

His Venus square her Neptune and Pluto square Mars. Again, generational planets but the orbs are VERY small (0°03’ & 0°01′). I think it’s interesting that both these pairings are higher octaves of one another. Neptune adding dreamyness to Venus and Pluto adding spice to Mars. Lots of passion & romance involved I guess.

Jupiter oppositions. I had a talk today about compatible Jupiter in synastry and it actually made me remember about the John-Katy opposition. I don’t really see people talk about it, it’s one of the basic classic rules and I absolutely LOVEEEE seeing it work. Aspects between Jupiters in synastry is a huge marriage indicator (Jupiter in general, if it’s making aspects to Sun, Venus, Moon especially, can indicate this as well, especially if that aspect is applying). It’s because it rules legal matters. Now, theirs are in an opposition, I know it was rumored they were actually engaged. The opposition would require them to work a bit more on the relationship but at the same time, it was probably a tough tie to break once they decided to split.

Compatible love planets. Not making actual aspects but same energies could work well together either way. They have their Mars signs in opposition (Capricorn-Cancer) and his Venus and her Mars are in earth signs (Virgo-Capricorn). His Cancer Mars is also trining her Scorpio stellium (and making an actual aspect to both Saturn and Moon). Mars-Moon connections are said to be super hot (also very fertile btw).

Midpoints. I like to look at those as well. Especially when we have a weird, concentrated configuration like this one. It’s important to understand the nature of midpoints first, they tickle and trigger both planets. It’s almost like a sweet spot for the midpoint person. That’s why I’d prefer using very small orbs for this. John’s Moon is at 10° Sagittarius, Katy’s Sun-Mars midpoint is at 8° degrees Sagittarius. His Venus-Moon midpoint (literally a sweet spot… a soft one) is at 5° Scorpio while Katy’s Sun is at 2°… so she may have an unaspected Sun but that can certainly make up for it a bit.

#i know no one cares about my celebrity chart posts #but i like making them sooooo #synastry #celebrity chart #mercurytrinemoon #✨john mayer appreciation post✨#katy perry #john mayer #astrology

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whatiwillsay · 4 years ago

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off topic - let’s talk about gaylena 👀

selena gomez is one of taylor’s oldest and bestest friends and given that she is in the 22 liner notes, a huge part of taylor’s life, and maybe fruity herself it seems like possibly we don’t talk about her here at the blog enough!

i don’t want to do a timeline of selena and taylor’s friendship - you can read more about that here, but they met back in the day when they were both dating jonas brothers and to me this idea of finding a real friendship in the midst of these contrived promances is pretty adorable.

ofc most of y’all think taylor is a fruit basket but i think there’s a good chance that selena is too! i’m not saying she is for sure but y’all know me. i’’m here to make a compelling case that everyone and their dog is gay so let’s gooooo!

Part I - At least one fake rs!

Selena “dated” Taylor Lautner in 2009 and he’s definitely gay. Of course, that doesn’t mean she is, it could just be PR, but y’all know I gotta note everything! We stan our fruity bffs dating the same gays 😍

Part II - Selena x cara delevingne

i feel like there’s a chance they met through taylor but everyone in that squad adjacent circle knows one another. cara dated michelle rodriguez for the first half of 2014 and then got with annie clark in March 2015 but it feels like it’s possible something has gone on between her and Selena from summer 2014 - early 2015? ...maybe something casual on and off a bit?

August 2014 - Steamy pics surface in Saint-Tropez, France

Selena and and a freshly single Cara vacation together in part to celebrate Selena’s 22nd birthday.

They party together and look cozy!

Pictures such as this surface and spark rumors around the two:

Selena apparently loves the rumors and gushes about being shipped with Cara.

Quote:

You say Selena drag queens were the true measure of success for you. But isn’t it true that you’re not truly famous until you’ve been the subject of a gay rumor? And last year, the tabloids had a field day with photos of you and Cara Delevingne. I’ve made it!

How did you react to those rumors? Honestly, I loved it. I didn’t mind it. Especially because they weren’t talking about other people in my life for once, which was wonderful. Honestly, though, she’s incredible and very open and she just makes me open. She’s so fun and she’s just extremely adventurous, and sometimes I just want that in my life, so I didn’t mind it. I loved it.

Notice she doesn’t deny them? Now of course she could just be being cool, if she freaked out about it that might be even weirder but hey, it’s still kind of interesting.

Then she admits to questioning her sexuality???

Have you ever questioned your sexuality? Oh, I think everybody does, no matter who they are. I do, yeah, of course. Absolutely. I think it’s healthy to gain a perspective on who you are deep down, question yourself and challenge yourself; it’s important to do that.

(Selena btw, this is cool and all, but not everybody questions their sexuality, maybe you’re just gay 👀)

November 1 - LACMA Art + Film Gala

they even left the event together 👀

and they hung out earlier that day as well:

They were seen the next day partying for Kendall Jenner’s bday singing to her:

a few weeks later Cara tweets Selena’s lyrics!

In December 2014 they are travelling together in texas:

in january 2015 they get cozy at the golden globes together!

and they leave together again:

January 19th/20th a bunch of gay nonsense happens

They post this gay shit with matching shoes and linked fingers:

then they say this to one another:

Enty says they were hooking up!

then we don’t get any more content that i can find for about six months! perhaps they had a fling from summer 2014-jan 2015 and then it ends, Cara gets with Annie in March? Then after half a year apart Selena and Cara resume a friendly relationship? Perhaps! Selena is seen with Justin a bit off and on during this time but this was in their Style/Heat Death Era imo (tbh i probably shouldn’t give a hetty pairing including Justin that designation 🤢but y’all get what I’m saying - it’s fully possible Selena was hooking up with both of them!

Now I’m not super familiar with Selena’s discography so y’all lmk if I’m missing anything major - lyric wise that point to her not being straight.

Selena’s album Revival that comes out after this relationship has a few songs with some vibes, even though I get the feeling a lot of it is probably about Justin, allow me to reach. The title track could be translated as someone coming to terms with their sexuality (among other things):

I feel like I've awakened lately The chains around me are finally breaking I've been under self-restoration I've become my own salvation Showing up, no more hiding, hiding The light inside me is bursting, shining It's my, my, my time to butterfly

Good for you, imo, is too sexy to be about a man even if it’s not super queer lyrically it’s a vibe ok?

Me & My Girls might be a bestie anthem a la 22 (oh wait, no 22 was gay too) but I mean...could be about a girl gang of lesbians too!

And if we want it, we take it If we need money, we make it Nobody knows if we fake it You like to watch while we shake it I know we're making you thirsty You want us all in the worst way But you don't understand I don't need a man

Quinn Fabray indeed!

Nobody feels probably like a retrospective on Justin 🙄but...there is a hint of sapphic craving in there! Saying this particular lover loves them differently than everyone is a bit 👀 plus this stanza:

No oxygen, can barely breathe My darkest sin, you've raised release And it's all because of you, all because of you And I don't know what it is, but you've pulled me in No one compares, could ever begin To love me like you do And I wouldn't want them to

Is Perfect about some bitch Justin started dating? Probably but bear with me here this song is actually pretty fucking gay. Gay enough that I’m gonna add it to one of my gay playlists. Could this song actually be about Cara moving on to Annie?

Ooh, and I bet she has it all Bet she's beautiful like you, like you And I bet she's got that touch Makes you fall in love, like you, like you

I can taste her lipstick and see her laying across your chest I can feel the distance every time you remember her fingertips Maybe I should be more like her Maybe I should be more like her I can taste her lipstick, it's like I'm kissing her, too And she's perfect And she's perfect

Part III - Selena x Julia Michaels

Julia Michaels is a singer/songwriter known for her song Issues. I don’t know her sexuality but she at the least has gay vibes! It seems they met around this time perhaps because Julia wrote on Revival.

They have a friendly enough friendship for a few years, liking one another’s posts on IG from time to time, posing for a photo a time or two and then they seem to get swept up into this very intense friendship in 2019. They write some music together and Julia goes whole hog in promoting the shoe brand Selena is hawking this time 😭

2019 - The Superior Sapphic Jelena Timeline:

It starts, for some reason with a lot of shoe promotion:

chill, chill

more shoes

but more gayness?

this homo shit

ok...

Then we go into the REALLY GAY NOVEMBER OF 2019:

Then they perform together:

And...actually kiss...on the mouth on stage???

Sure it’s just a peck but still...if that were a guy people would say they were dating.

Somehow kissing on the mouth isn’t the gayest thing these girls do over this period because these fucking dykes got matching tattoos. I’ve read enough Larry blogs to know this actually means they’re secretly married. All jokes aside this is fruity behavior.

From their IG stories:

Selena gets Julia a very nice christmas gift:

Covid sets in and content drops off but god damn! It’s possible they just had an intense friendship but if a man and a woman collabed on music together, kissed in public, and got matching tattoos everyone would say they were dating!

Selena, as far as I can find, didn’t have any public boyfriends around this time so who are some of these love songs about?

Rare comes out in January 2020 and perhaps has some gayish songs?

Don’t tell me why but boyfriend lowkey, has a gay vibe. Don’t ask me to explain it but it’s just the musicality of it.

Crowded Room could be a love song for Julia? (or by Julia for Selena, since they’re collaborators?)

Baby, it's just me and you Baby, it's just me and you Just us two Even in a crowded room Baby, it's just me and you, yeah

These are general gay vibes, our secret moments in a crowded room tease

It started polite, out on thin ice 'Til you came over to break it I threw you a line and you were mine

It would have started out polite between them, since they worked together for years before whatever 2019 was happened. And throwing someone a line first of all makes Selena sound like the aggressor but also “throwing someone a line” could be a reference to writing songs together.

Yeah, I was afraid, but you made it safe I guess that is our combination Said you feel lost, well, so do I So won't you call me in the morning? I think that you should call me in the morning If you feel the same, 'cause

Lots of people are afraid at the beginning of a gay rs. Treacherous tease 👀

In summation!

Selena does gay stuff like fantasizing ab kissing other women in her music, getting very touchy with famous dykes on vacay, hangs out with Taylor Swift, has chronic mental health issues, dated a jonas brother and a twilight gay, has admitted to questioning her sexuality, and loves being shipped with women. Is she gay? I don’t know! But all she’s missing from her celesbian bingo card is a suspiciously intense friendship with a Glee Cast member! What do you guys think? Selena fruity or just weird?

Edit to add: so apparently I missed an entire ship and Selena supposedly acted really gay all the time with her backup dancer Charity Baroni. Exposing SMG has posted a lot about all that.

Also Selena has been cast in a gay role! edit to add: @bisluthq went and found this for me - julia is indeed a fruit queen

#selena gomez #gaylena #taylena #gossip #cara delevingne #julia michaels #lesbian #sapphic #of interest #taylor's fruity friends

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gebtoons · 3 years ago

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my contribution to the bapo timeline discourse bc i’m just gonna propose a timeline and will not be taking criticism <3 (under the cut bc this is gonna be a long post probably)

ok disclaimer I am quite stupid, however I’m gonna use my knowledge from my own 12 years in american public high school and what little info I have about american boarding schools/catholic schools that I have from my friends lol. so. idk.

i’m also gonna date songs/major events and i’m gonna be taking some “just trust me bro” liberties bc y’all are right it does NOT make that much sense.

January 6: Epiphany; this is like an actual holiday lol. like its always on the sixth. idk its good that this is the starting point bc its an actual date yknow? For the purposes of this timeline were going with that its early in the week, so lets go with Monday idk

January 6-13: You and I, Role of a Lifetime; so we’re all kinda in agreement that this timeline (at least the beginning) only really makes sense if you and i/role of a lifetime aren’t like. a singular moment and are instead multiple days. so yeah, of this first week, this is like. monday-next sunday ish yknow.

January 14: Auditions, Plain Jane Fatass; ok so having auditions for a spring musical right after kids get back from break actually makes perfect sense to me, like i can see it being like “ok take break to prepare so as soon as you come back we can have auditions so we can jump right into rehersals” yknow? and since the rave is clearly on a friday (”we’ll meet in tanya’s room on friday night”) so i’m going with the monday before.

as for pjf, i know it doesn’t make a ton of sense for them to get a two week late birthday package their first few weeks back from school, but hear me out it makes sense. the implication throughout this entire show is that the twins have decently shitty parents. from bits of dialogue (in this song in particular lol) i’m kinda inferring their the “only concerned with how their kids make them look to others” kind of neglectful. so I don’t think it’s too outside the realm of possibility that they went away for the holidays, didn’t bring the twins, and instead mailed them a birthday package and having it show up two weeks late. realistically the timing of this isnt that important and the explicit “two week” time frame could’ve been an exaggeration on nadia’s part to mock her shit parents (idk its in her character) basically ppl are a little two fixated on this imo but anyway. moving on.

January 18: Wonderland, A Quiet Night At Home, Rolling, Best Kept Secret; a very agreed upon point in the timeline. its the friday following the auditions. moving on.

January 21: Confession; also very agreed upon. the monday following the rave. moving on again

January 23: Portrait of a Girl; the date here is kinda arbitrary, but bc sister chantelle says “ok lets try to put yesterday’s rehearsal behind us” and i for the life of me cannot think of a scene she could be referring to (there’s none in the script either) that implies it wasn’t the same monday as confession (bc even in a boarding school i think holding extracurriculars that aren’t sports over the weekend (especially when they are no where near crunch time lol) is weird and not common) so i just picked a random day during the week

January 25: Birthday Bitch!, One Kiss, Are You There?; from matt’s line in wonderland, ivy’s birthday is a week after the rave. in my timeline that’s january 25th (an aquarius queen).

btw given all grown up’s “17, how will i manage?” ivy is 16 during 17 at her party, which is strange given shes a high school senior and seniors are typically 17 during 18. so either a) she skipped a grade, not an unheard of thing. or b) shes not a senior, shes just a junior who hangs out with a bunch of seniors, which is also pretty common. and looking through the script i can’t find any mention that she is also a senior, other than yknow she graduates with them, but she isn’t mentioned during the class ranking scene? so idk not that it really matters just a fun detail

February 3 (at night): 911 Emergency!; ok controversial. i know i like the joke about how its funny that peter having a weird dream when he was high prompted him to want to come out and really ruined his relationship with jason. BUT. i think the dream (despite it’s weirdness) would have a lot more meaning if it wasn’t the result of being really high, but if it was a dream he had like a week later as a result of a building sense of guilt/anxiety bc he told matt. also it fits better given later timeline things. (this timeline literally only exists if there are weird jumps in time that don’t make a ton of sense) (EDIT: I forgot one line about Jason crashing at ivys but fuck it forget that bitchass line this makes for more drama its staying this way)

February 4: Reputation Stain’d, Ever After; the next day following peter’s dream, idk what else to say, moving on.

February 25-28: Spring; another jump! i’m sorry but the only way for this to make sense logistically is for there to be quite a few time jumps! however, i also think this one works bc i think it gives time for everything from around ivy’s party and peter and jason’s break up to stew emotionally. like obviously a musical only has so much time to tell a story so the audience cannot see every realistic beat, but honestly i think it makes the whole thing a little more dramatic™ if there’s space for everything to settle, and for ivy to come and apologize and such. also, the reason it’s multiple days is bc in the script, ivy is trying to study (presumably for some sort of midterm) while nadia is playing, so that probably takes place a few days before they move out, so before finals. but in the script, jason and peter are packing and peter is leaving, so that part of the song/staging takes place on the 28th. yes, that’s weird, but we are clearly thinking more about the logistics of this school than the writers were so.

March 1: One; assuming st. cecilia’s works kinda like boarding schools here, they probably do staggered move out/move in, just bc that would be a lot to have people coming and going at once so it makes sense that peter left the day before, while jason and ivy are leaving the next day. also, given that peter is trying to call jason while he and ivy are banging, it’s probably been a hot minute since the actual break up, since peter was clearly very hurt by the whole thing, it would make sense (at least to me) that peter would reach out a month ish later, rather than like a few days later (you have to make so many assumptions to make this timeline work granted they aren’t super out there assumptions but still this is annoying)

March 1-25: Spring Break. the coworkers I have who are in boarding school work over their school breaks, which are longer than the public school breaks (which are only a week) so i put their spring break at 3 weeks. it makes sense, and it makes the later part of the timeline make sense.

I know i’m already halfway through this, but to me it makes sense for their to be quite a few time jumps in the story bc its a musical. they cannot show every day. there are a lot of other shows (particularly shows set in high schools) that are set over a whole school year, but if you just look at the events of the story that doesn’t make sense, so you have to imply that obviously they are not showing every little detail. moving on.

March 25: Wedding Bells, In The Hallway, Touch My Soul; peter wakes up from his nightmare in the church, so im assuming he fell asleep in church (like he almost did during epiphany). also it makes sense that class ranks are announced in late march-early april, I know my school announced ours in like, the first week or so of april? so yeah. moving on.

(from this point on i was giving myself a headache trying to make it make sense so its all weird from here!!)

April 4: See Me, Warning; the date doesn’t really matter here, I picked a random day in early april. the script said peter is calling from him and jason’s old dorm room, as he was picking up the last of his things, so he clearly made the roommate switch after school started (makes sense to me).

April 15-20 (approximately): Ivy finds out she’s pregnant. look google tells me on average people find out they are pregnant around 5-7 weeks after conception. i went with around 7 just so this timeline makes a tiny bit more sense given the later stuff, so yeah here we go.

May 4: Pilgrim’s Hands, God Don’t Make No Trash, All Grown Up, Promise, Once Upon A Time, Cross; a rough night for our heroes. so given sister chantelle saying “again? wonderful.” and nadia saying “i can’t believe you missed rehearsal again”, clearly ivy has been missing quite a few rehearsals, so for dramas sake maybe from when she found out she was pregnant? also i know i’ve been saying they wouldn’t have rehearsals on weekends, and given my weird timeline this would be a saturday, but its tech week so i’ll allow it.

May 5: Two Households, Bare, Queen Mab, A Glooming Peace; pretty self explanatory, and it makes sense to have the spring play in early may. rip jason.

May 11: Absolution; the day before graduation peter goes to confront the priest. gives him a small amount of time to start processing, and it makes sense it would be the night before, at least to me.

May 12: No Voice; i fucking hate this. “peter, we graduate next sunday” i hate that stupid fucking line. do you know that this timeline literally would be fine if it weren’t for that stupid fucking line? bc then, the school play would be in early may and graduation could be in late may-early june (when most high schools hold graduation) but no. keeping with continuity, they have to graduate the sunday following the school play. “peter we graduate in a month, are you really never gonna talk to me again?” would have been fine. but no, now we have beef. literally everything else about the end of this timeline being kinda weird would work itself out, except for the fucking graduation. god damn. anyway, may 12th, the graduate on may 12th which is really fucking weird bc of that one fucking line. whatever. i didn’t write the damn thing bc if i did i wouldn’t have written that fucking line. (i’ve been at this for over an hour and a half, so i’m a tad annoyed, can you tell?)

anyway, that’s it. that’s my long as hell proposed bare timeline. if there’s anything glaringly wrong with it i don’t care bc this timeline literally cannot make sense. but honestly, now that i think about the Popular Tween High Schooler Musicals (heathers, bmc, deh) the timelines of those (especially heathers and bmc) don’t make tons of sense either. that’s just the way it is, that’s the way its gonna be. and we have to live with it.

this post is so long it is actually slowing down my laptop as i type it

#bare a pop opera #bapo #me speaks #i stg there is no real way to make this timeline make sense #a whole lotta this is #it makes sense bro trust me bro #also apologies if this is hard to read i am not very good at phrasing things over text #or at all

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