beccasissy69

[beccasissy69]

D/Izzy

Goddess had me spend a couple of days watching 2 specific trans porn stars and wanted me to do a write up on them and also talk about which one I prefer.

It was a pretty good comparison. Both are much more "girl next door" types than someone like Aubrey Kate, who is a lot more glam and princessy.

First up we had Izzy Wilde. She has been progressing down the maximalist transition route, so in her earlier videos, she's much more of a tomboy. Since then, she's gotten a boob job and more recently, facial surgery (and I believe she's planning to take the next step in the not too distant future).

As well as her appearance, you can see her acting changing in scenes too, whether that's down to her changes or just because she's more experienced in porn it's hard to say, but being able to see her growth is really fun.

Regardless of when the video is from, she's aggressive in going after what she wants and a very active lover. She doesn't rely on lingering looks or body language, she pairs them with much more obvious signs. Blowing kisses, flashing and touches that leave her target in no doubt what she wants. She's super flirty and she always manages to keep it feeling fun.

When the sex begins, she keeps this feeling up. She's super expressive and communicative, she talks a lot and when, her mouth is otherwise engaged, she moans and gags and drools like crazy. She's always encouraging him (or them in one video I watched) to go faster, harder, deeper! And it's not just verbally but physical too. She touches a lot and rubs and makes lots of contact.

It feels like she's always trying to give both of them the best experience possible.

No 2 was Daisy Taylor. She broke into the industry by posting videos of her and her boyfriend having sex on PornHub. These were the first videos of her I saw and they really stood out. Obviously they're towards the more "real" end of porn and you can feel the connection between them.

They broke up and the videos were taken down but Daisy has continued on in the industry (albeit with a few breaks).

I don't think I'd seen any of her more recent videos and when I started the first one (this was the day after my Izzy watch) the silence was deafening. Going from a very vocal Izzy to a much more restrained Daisy was really noticeable.

Of course, the video wasn't completely silent but there was very little preamble before the fun began and during, there was moaning and heavy breathing but I don't think there was any speech.

Some of them had a little more at the start, but it was always along the lines of scene setting rather then an attempt to sell a seduction or show how aroused they were.

So Izzy is the clear winner...no! What Daisy brings to the table is that she sells the scene. When she's having sex, it's so tender and sensual. Her original videos with her boyfriend were like this and it speaks to how talented a performer she is that she can carry it over to (almost) everyone else she performs with.

Goddess wanted me to finish by deciding which one I want to be like. As with all such choices, if I had my way, I'd be balanced perfectly on that fence having my cake and eating it, a mishmash of both.

I spent a while wondering if there was a way I could word things like this, because I want to be fun and flirty like Izzy but have passionate, meaningful, sensual, connecting sex like Daisy but that 's kind of the point of making a decision.

And looking at it like that gave me my answer. The end results come about because of the steps leading up to them and viewed this way, it seemed clear:

[beccasissy69]

"Take a slow, deep breath and then a drink sweetie", Sandra said soothingly as she passed me a glass of wine, "honestly, anyone would think this was your first time stepping out with a gentlemen caller".

I looked at Sandra in the mirror, shooting daggers out of my eyes at her as she winked at me and laughed. Of course, this was my first time going out on a date...with a man...as Becca. Not only did Sandra know this but she'd been pushing all of my buttons almost non-stop for the past week since she'd arranged it.

Scott you see was one of her exs. She'd been telling me I needed to "put myself out there" and find someone who could fulfill my "womanly needs" and then one day when we were out shopping, she got a text on her phone, saw the id and snapped her fingers. "Oh, that's just perfect! Becca honey, Scott's back in town and he's just perfect for you."

I'm not sure I ever actually agreed to a date but that's the way things go with Sandra, she's a force of nature and you end up getting caught up in her energy and before you know it you're sitting in a chair in her apartment as she works magic (professional level) makeup skills on you. "Remember, you always need to make an extra effort on the first date Becca, not just for him but for you too. Get your makeup done, use that expensive perfume you have for special occasions, dress up, maybe even buy some expensive new lingerie in case things go well..."

I didn't notice at first but since the date had been set, Sandra had been teasing me and priming me and making innocent little comments about Scott and me and what might happen. It may have been planned, I don't know but two other things happened about a month before this which really left me in an almost permanent daze of arousal.

First up, Sandra had taken my chastity keys. This wasn't a big deal I thought at the time, I was locked almost constantly anyway and was past the point where I even had the urge to play with myself like that. Sandra had explained to me that it was about trust and a sign of how close I was to her and to sweeten the pot, she also told me the idea was very arousing to her. Did I agree to it? Like I said before, Sandra always seems to get her way somehow! Let's just say I didn't disagree.

At the same time, she'd decided that I was much too coarse and unladylike and it was her job to smooth down my rough edges. Since then, she'd changed how she spoke to me. Before she'd tell me in graphic detail about how her new guy had an 11 inch c*ck (😂 see, I'm even self-censoring now) and exactly what he did to her. Now she makes sure her language is "safe" for me and talks about how he slowly fed her an iced finger an inch at a time until she was fit to burst...

Well, I'd laughed it off at the start but the more she did it and the more suggestive she became the more and more turned on I got. Now she could twitter on to me about almost anything and in a couple of minutes I'm so aroused I can barely see straight. One day I even begged her for my chastity key back but when I did, she frowned and said that trust has to work both ways. I trusted her with the key so I had to trust her decisions about it too, I'm still not sure of the logic there but she looked so disappointed when I asked that I immediately apologized and picked up the cheque for lunch that day.

I put the now empty glass down, a week of almost constant nerves and arousal had left me a little shaky and the glass bumped against the mat a couple of times before I took my hand away. Sandra was approaching with a brush and I saw her smirk. She leaned in and whispered in my ear, "Scottie just loves it when you call him daddy sweetie" and then she pulled away laughing as I squirmed in my seat.

"Sit still now and let me work on you Becca. Close your eyes so I can get started."

I sat back in the chair and did as I was told so Sandra could work her magic. Quiet music was playing and I could smell Sandra's perfume.

Sandra began talking as she worked, "I don't think I ever told you about my last date with Scott did I? For a while, I really thought he might be the one. Something about the way he would hold me, I thought so safe in his arms. Remember darling, he likes girlie girls so don't come on too strong and let him lead."

She paused as her attention switched from my cheeks to my eyes. "Really hunnie, all you need to do is smile, laugh and ask him questions!" Sandra giggled at this, "His hands are so big and you know what that means don't you? Oh well, I won't spoil it but if he takes your hand it's a very good sign and make sure you use both of yours on his."

"Anyway, our last date, we both knew this was it, he was having to move because of his job and neither of us were quite ready to see if this was ready to be something serious so we'd decided to end it with one last date."

"We were going for a meal and then out to dance but I was late and we only had time to wolf down salads. We were walking across a public park and I kissed him on the side of his neck...right here," I felt her fingers brush the side of my neck, "don't tell him I told you but that spot drives him wild!"

"Tell me sweetheart, is that the kind of girl you are? Do you want to drive men wild? Are you prepared for what he might do?"

"He turned to me and I could see the fire burning in his eyes. He smiled and, OMG Becca, his smile lights up the night! He said I'd missed dinner but as I had been a good girl he'd saved me a little something for desert and then he changed direction and headed for the public restroom."

"When we went inside, he opened one of the cubicle doors. He spoke so sweetly, as he held me and firmly positioned me on my knees.

"Does my Princess deserve a treat?" I looked up at him with big, pleading eyes. He reached his hands to his zipper, "well, she cleaned her plate so well I think she deserves a little desert."

"Slowly, the biggest chocolate eclair I'd seen appeared from his trousers. My eyes were saucer wide and my mouth was watering. Hmm, do you think you'll want dessert tonight Becca? I know you're watching your figure and keep in mind, if a boy sees you eager for dessert on a first date a girl can get a reputation as willing to eat dessert with anyone who'll buy her a drink...but I know that putting on a pretty dress and getting dolled up can really put you in the mood for some dessert, so maybe a little nibble of something at the very end won't be a disaster?"

At this point, if I wasn't consciously forcing myself not to move and ruin Sandra's makeup application, I think I'd have vibrated off the chair. I was straining against my chastity cage like never before and I had my mouth clamped tightly closed otherwise I'd be drooling like crazy.

"Where were we? Oh yes, I gave Scott a chaste kiss on his cheek as a thank you for my treat and then began to enjoy it. I nibbled and licked it enjoying the taste and smell and feel of it in my mouth. I didn't want to rush but I didn't want to be interrupted and have to share it with someone else either. I worked on the tip trying to get to the cream inside and Scott just chuckled and told me I'd have to work a lot harder for that."

"He ran his fingers through my hair and then he used it to guide me. He couldn't stop playing with it. Moving my head up and down the length of my treat, but it was so quick I couldn't get a proper taste."

"I do love watching a girl play with her food," Scott moaned. I pulled myself off the eclair to catch my breath. He began playing with my hair again and this time, he pulled my mouth over the entire treat and just held me there as I stared into his eyes and felt so much love."

"Nearly done now sweetie," I felt the pencil on my skin as Sandra began to outline my lips. "Oh I can tell you honey, once you give in to yourself and accept what you want it's the greatest thing in the world! The first time is the hardest, not even that, the very start of the first time is the hard part but once you're out of the door and on a date the magic can start to happen and you can let yourself go (she whispered "a little "into my ear) and begin to enjoy dessert again."

"Scott let go of my hair and as I pulled back a little, his head tipped backwards and he began to moan. That was it, cream started to gush out of the end of the eclair into my mouth. It caught me by surprise when it happened but even more surprising was how of it there was! Even though it was on of the biggest eclairs I'd ever eaten I couldn't believe it contained so much cream. I was swallowing and swallowing but not fast enough and it began leaking out of my mouth and onto my face."

"Scott looked down at me and started laughing. After all the cream was drained, he reached down and used a finger to scoop some up and feed it to me and rub some into my hair. He took a picture on his phone just after that, I look a fright! My makeup running and cream everywhere. I've got a copy on my phone but I think it might be a little too racy an image for you to see."

"We never did go dancing that night. Ok, all done you can open your eyes now."

I opened my eyes and saw...nothing, Sandra had covered the mirror with a blanket. "Patience sweetie, let's do the big reveal when you're really ready!".

Sandra went to her bedroom and came back with some boxes and a bag. Opening the bag, she pulled out a dress in the typical Sandra style. Short and showing some skin, slowly it hit me that this was for me. I started to explain that I couldn't wear that but she kept up her (mostly one sided) conversation as she opened the boxes and pulled out heels and a purse.

"Really Becca, all of this effort and you're squeamish about a pretty dress? You're going on a date, you want to look sexy and femmy for yourself, this outfit is your power and it will make him act appropriately towards you"

With Sandra's help I got dressed, almost hypnotized by her voice as she was telling me about holding hands with a man, settling for a kiss at the end of a first date even when you're aching to invite him in for coffee, wanting to go slowly so you can understand your desires but knowing that there's a reason some girls get a reputation.

Sandra maneuvered me in front of a covered full length mirror, the dress felt so short and the heels so high. She took hold of the cover and pulled it off in one motion. My mouth fell open in amazement, I looked so hot and quite slutty, I couldn't believe my eyes.

I opened my mouth to speak but before I could, there was a knock at the door. Sandra went to open it, "Becca, it sounds like you're Prince Charming is here! I was so busy earlier I forgot to mention Scott had texted to move the start back an hour."

Her hand reached for the door handle and...

[beccasissy69]

Continuing my Marchward journey, my next task is already written up! Goddess had me pick 3 of my previous posts and reflect on them. Seeing some of my growth like that was interesting, some of the early seeds planted and just shaking my head and whspering, "sweet summer child" at my past self 😂, you don't know how badly you want 🍆🍆🍆!

Then I was watching fembot videos, I adore the ones where they are completely blank and robotic and just getting pounded but some of them were too silly which spoils them.

Following this was lesbian porn, older lesbian porn (the lesbians are a little older, the porn itself is relatively recent!). I always enjoy how happy lesbian porn is and how it seems light and fun and breezy. All deep breathing and moaning and glam.

Daisy Taylor came next, I was working through some of her scenes and mirroring them with toys. I really like Daisy, she's really pretty and comes across as genuine but in more of a girl next door way then a knockout stunner. She's also super sensual and really knows how to work a 🍆.

Goddess then had me do a morning session of Yoga (something I've made as regular as I can), just to help me start my day "right" and get my head in a more Becca place.Then on a similar theme, I was reading gay/sissy erotica based in a gym. This is a really strong theme because it gives plenty of room for body worship and mention of "musky odors" 🤤😂

I'll finish this write up with college-couple, who produce a lot of humping and similar videos where you don't really get to see anything too untoward outside of a bulge through his trousers here and there. What was a real tease is that they pixellate their faces, so when a video promises "deep tongue kissing" it's two pixellated pink blobs coming together.

I was humping a pillow as I watched and I had a shock on the first video when he came through his pants, for some reason I'd assumed it wouldn't be shown (or he just wouldn't and the video would be just a tease). It was really hot! Apart from the grinding (me) I loved watching her tease and rub him and build him up and up until suddenly a huge wet patch would appear.

[beccasissy69]

My March training ended up been a little truncated and I'll mention it here so I don't end my monthly write up on it. The place where I work has been undergoing a little restructuring and although it hasn't directly impacted me, it was pretty stressful. My efforts had been flagging a little and when I was chatting with Goddess she just had me take the week off, which was pretty much what I needed.

My first session was watching an amateur pron star who is just absolutely gagging for it. I know it's porn but she completely sold been desperately addicted to whatever was in front of her and she can't believe how deep she is in it all. I saved some of her videos because it was so inspirational!

She's the kind of gal who pulls her mouth off a c*ck because she needs to breath but can't help herself dive straight back onto it. I swooned a little watching it 🥰.

Then I wrote the first part of my story (link here). Goddess gave me the outline and a few tips and let me get on with it. I wanted it to be realish and I was pretty happy with how it turned out.

Next I had some super intense lesbian videos, which almost had me in tears when I started watching. It was so beautiful and girly and intimate and that really struck a nerve. They were pretty hot as well but they weren't afraid to have sillier moments in them which helps to set them apart from most similar scenes.

Then another session I wrote up! Goddess had me write on 3 drag artists. This was followed by a dancercise session where i made sure to pick something marked "beginner" because I usually pick something that starts ok and then 10 minutes in I'm completely lost!

Then I was back in a chatroom, just chatting with guys but 😲 of the conversations turned distinctly sexual. I did feel like i was getting more into the swing of it by talking about myself and what I'd been doing a little beyond the very basics and asking them for more details when they would give polite non answers. I ended up describing myself as "petite" and you'd be shocked at how many guys were over 6ft!

Then I had a self care spa night where I steamed my face, face mask with some nice music. I also ordered a steamer off Amazon which I've been using a few times and week and my skin seems to be better for it.

Then I had a super long JAV session. 3 women were marrying 3 younger guys (I think it was step mothers and step sons) and there were a variety of wedding scenes with a lot of sex and it was about 2.5 hours long! As I watched I was going crazy on a dildo and I had to take a break a few time because I was getting close to losing it.

It also hit me emotionally, the wedding trappings really helped but there were also scenes of the women chatting and swapping tips for pleasing their men (I don't understand Japanese but the gestures made it pretty obvious what they were talking about).

I didn't have time to watch it all but I also didn't really want to skip much of it so I managed about 90 minutes and then watched the rest on my next day off (spoilers there was a lot of sex and a lot of 💦💦💦).

[beccasissy69]

🤞 I'll be a lot more regular with my blogging from now on. Following my VR escapades, Goddess sent me a hentai to read which went places 😂. It was really hot and had an actual fun plot with some office in fighting and lots of women dressed as office sluts and the sound effects were really well done too. Lot's of squishy breasts and clacky heels.

It was Korean, so even though the genitals were displayed, they were whited out which was pretty hot as well, obviously censored so I didn't get too excited.

Then I was watching some really intimate BJs. Goddess gave me a couple of names to look at who turned out to be the same woman (I didn't realise this for a while). Closeup BJs with just the head and the 🍆. She worked it so well and the sound was perfect, all wet and squelchy and some glorious cum shots. I could feel the love she put into them.

Then I was watching ebony queens giving BJs and noting the differences. Some of this (compared to the day before) was pacing, but I was impressed at how skillful and slutty they were and how well they could use their body to please the guy. I stuck to amateur videos and I loved the situations in some of them. A guy just watching football as she worked on him and she was so happy while doing it!

Then I had a makeup review, where I picked a picture and tried to match it. I wasn't as pleased with it as Goddess was 😅 and I think the lighting when I took the pictures didn't help but it was very useful and even though I might be my own worst critic, I can see improvements.

Then my last session for February was guys pulling long hair. Which didn't sound too hot but a few minutes in I was drooling. Sometimes it was casual and he just needs something to hold onto as he pounds me and sometimes it was a more intentionally domineering move and he used it to be controlling all of which drove me crazy!

[beccasissy69]

My next session was a much less sexual one (although I was plugged). I was watching long hair videos. Brushing, curlers/rollers, ASMR hair and ASMR salon. Some were solo and some were very chatty. One really stuck out, a housewife doing a 50s style curled look and about half way through I was really feeling her and her life...or at least the life she was pointing towards.

This was followed up by some Cougar fun and once I learned to skip videos that were all sex (hot but kind of missing the point), it went swimmingly and some of the seductions had me drooling.

Then I was watching vintage porn films/videos, ideally the 70s or thereabouts. They were pretty different from what we get now, the styles and the makeup (so much blush!) but the sex seemed different as well. It was a little slower paced and felt "realler" and it never had the poundings you see today.

Next was hijab videos which were odd...CFNM but with completely reversed energy. Some of them were a little too silly, mostly when it was porn stars just using them as a prop but some were super hot. One where the guy came inside her veil and then pulled it down and she left which had me drooling.

I was then back in a chat room but they were all pretty dead (this was Superbowl Sunday which might explain it). A couple did start to chat but stopped responding pretty quickly. Frustrating and not in a good way 😾.

Then I was doing some prep for Valentine's Day and listening to some romantic ASMR to get me in the right mood. This was a nice change of pace and I'll skip V Day and the day after because I wrote them up a lot close to the time!

I then rewatched a French film (Pulsion) Goddess had me watch a while ago. I half remembered it but as I watched it this time, the main character was much less interesting and some of the others (mostly the married couple) stuck out more.

Pregnant sex was my next topic, which drove me absolutely wild. Tender but the guy came across as much more masculine and domineering (probably the amount of times they touch or rub her belly).

The final one I'll write about here was my weekend task. Which was giving my torso a BJ while applying yogurt/cream etc to the tip and watching gloryhole/female POV BJs on my headset. Then the last 20 minutes was close up of cum shots or lipstick videos.

This was a huge pain to set up 😂😂😂. First it took me a while to figure out I needed to prop the torso up on a chair. Then I started but I'd forgotten that I need to download videos I want to use on my headset. But once I got it all working, it absolutely sung...as long as I didn't move my head too violently (which threw off the headset).

This was one where I finished super late and took about 10 minutes just sitting and calming down afterwards 😅.

[beccasissy69]

March ended up been a bit of a nightmare for non-sissy/training reasons and it ended with Goddess giving me a week off because I was super stressed, so of course my blogging fell off too.

Let's finish off January! My next session was female pov videos in a hypno style, which I watched on my VR headset with a vibe in one end and the dildo in the other. This was a pain to get working, but eventually I figured it out and then it flew by. It was really fun and really hot, I was drooling and dripping from everywhere.

Then I had dancing in heels and it was a challenge 😅. I didn't go very fast or do anything very challenging but it's definitely something I need more work on.

This was followed by seductive, glam BJs as I followed along on a toy. I watched quite a few Wifey videos because they're reliably wonderful but I also ranged further afield too. Just getting lost in the pacing of it all and the rhythm of a longer, more sensual BJ was perfect.

Hentai was next. Incestish stories but so 🔥, each story featured a women just overwhelmed by lust and passion and driven to wilder and wilder ends. Hentai is perfect for big breasted milf types and there's always so much fluid!

I finished out the month with a little makeup study, contouring boobs, which can be done on a flat chest. A very clever technique that I need to practice a bit to get the hang of.

February began with ordering my torso, which I mentioned in my Valentine's Day write up. I did some browsing and ordered one. I've used it a few times and it's a really good toy. The angle of the 🍆 is really good and it's firm enough but even though it's a little smaller than a person, rubbing my hands over it as it f*cks me or pushing against his chest works in such a hot way. I got a 3d one and made sure it was pretty heavy and I'm very happy with it.

My first February training was quite involved. To start with 10-20 minutes of sissy hypno while I was blindfolded and deep throating a toy and during this part, I was to insert a plug. Then I removed the blindfold and watched creampie videos before removing the plug and using my glass dildo while watching lipstick kissing porn/asmr videos.

I lined up all the videos and made sure everything was ready before I got started. It was absolutely crazy...it drove me wild 🥴. When I switched from the hypno to the videos I was so turned on and leaking like mad and then when I moved onto the kissing videos it simply blew my mind.

After I'd finished, I felt a need to watch The Batcherlorette (I may not have mentioned but Goddess had encouraged me to begin watching it) and when I did the girls were talking about wanting the guys to be more assertive and take charge and I started to tear up.

[beccasissy69]

"Becca honey, look at me."

I felt Sandra's hand cover mine as I turned to look at her. "I'm...I'm fine Sandra honest."

"Are you sure sweetie? I only ask because it sounded like you were hyperventilating a little and I don't think I've ever heard you speak in that high a pitch before. Remember what I said you should do if you start to get anxious again..."

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and held it for a few seconds before sighing it out, then I smiled at Sandra and stuck my tongue out at her. "I know, I know, thank you, I really am fine my thoughts just got carried away for a minute."

"It's ok, I understand! But remember what we were talking about last night when we were packing. You've done the "hard" work, you sent the pictures to Brad and you've spent some time getting to know him better. You even went on a couple of dates! When we first met, would you have believed that was possible? Look how far you've come and how much fun you've had!"

I held my hands up in surrender and laughed as she continued, "and this week, nothing's expected of you. Brad won a week at a lakeside cabin, it's short notice, his friends are all busy and he invited us along for a break. Just think a week of bikinis, sunbathing, wine and maybe Brad in a pair of speedos." She laughed as she patted my crotch with her free hand and winked at me, "see, I knew you were excited!".

"Oh, here he comes now." I turned and looked out of the car window. I can admit my breath caught in my throat when I saw him coming round the corner but then I choked a little as a tall black guy followed him round. They were chatting and laughing, the black guy was carrying an axe and some logs and went to drop them off on the wood pile as Brad came to the car.

"Sorry ladies, Shane managed to get time off work, there's no signal for miles around here so he couldn't get hold of me on the phone and as I hadn't told him I'd invited someone else up here he decided to drive up."

My breathing became a lot faster and Sandra slowly rubbed my hand. "That's ok sweetheart, the more the merrier! We just need to finish our girl talk, tell Shane we'll be over to say hi in a minute."

Brad smile in relief and walked back over to Shane and helped him stacking up the logs.

"Just breathe hunnie, this doesn't change anything! Not really. So there are two guys instead of one? If anything, it should make things easier for you because Shane will keep Brad out of our hair so the socializing won't be quite as intense. And besides, I don't think you'd kick Shane out of bed either." She kissed me on my forehead before getting out the car.

"Girls, this Shane, Shane these are Sandra and Becca."

"Darling," exclaimed Sandra before hugging Shane and kissing each cheek. I gave a much less ebullient, "hi" and shook his hand.

Despite my worries, things went as Sandra had told me they would. The weather was glorious and there was no one else around. I took some pride in how good my bikini looked on me, I didn't fill it out like Sandra did hers but I'd put a lot of work into my body and it had paid off. The wine came out in the early afternoon and after a couple of glasses Sandra would always ask whichever of the guys was nearest to come and reapply the sun lotion to us both before we did the same.

The one fly in the ointment was Shane. There wasn't any one thing and none of it was bad enough to be serious but we just simply didn't get on. He always seemed cold and brusque and just off in some way when he spoke to me. The first night the four of us were drinking and chatting after we'd eaten and he told us that he was divorced and hadn't really dated or anything since. Sandra was very sympathetic and solicitous but I could see that even with the alcohol, he was embarrassed talking about it so I kept quiet.

When our paths would cross in the cabin and I'd smile or say hi, he'd reply in kind but the smile never seemed to reach his eyes or he'd just brush past me and mumble.

My courage had grown in the time I was there, I was determined I'd enjoy the holiday and if Shane didn't or couldn't, then that was up to him.

Halfway through the week we had a very heavy night of drinking. I didn't wake up until midday and on the table next to the bed, I found a note from Sandra saying she'd gone with Brad to the nearest town to resupply and she hadn't wanted to wake me. Shane had left for a hike before dawn and she suspected I needed some recovery time from the night before so she didn't want to wake me.

I made some coffee and ate the last of the yogurt and fruit for breakfast. The weather looked perfect and I had the urge to be outside so I packed some water into a bag, applied some sunblock and went for a walk.

I didn't want to risk getting lost so I simply followed the lake. and enjoyed the sunshine. After about 30 minutes, I heard something nearby and panicked (just a little) before I remembered that we'd checked before we left home and there was nothing in the woods bigger than a rabbit.

I listened carefully for a minute or two and then set out in the direction the sound was coming from. After a minute or two, I realized what the sound was. Two people were having sex, very passionate sex. My curiosity got the better of me and I moved closer, I went slowly because I wanted to avoid the embarrassment of getting caught peeking.

I was really close and saw that the trees opened up into a clearing just ahead. I circled round to where the leaves were pretty thick, I could see there was a blanket in the clearing and the couple were there. I sat down and carefully peered through the small gap in the leaves ahead of me and there they were! Just going at it, right out in public without a care in the world. I held my breath and started planning to back away and move on before I saw the car parked on the edge of the clearing. At first I thought I was wrong, I don't really know cars after all, but deep down I knew what I was watching and the bottom dropped out of my world.

Sandra and Brad were having sex right in front of me...and it was so hot. Part of me felt so stupid and betrayed and wanted to storm into the clearing and demand an explanation. Sandra had "picked" Brad for me and then pushed me and pushed me towards him. Was it all a joke? But I just sat there watching, I felt so weak and pathetic.

Even worse, my own body betrayed me. I usually wore a chastity device but this week I'd left it at home because it rather spoilt wearing a bikini. Watching Sandra and Brad together gave me a "huge" erection, which filled me shame and made me blush (I couldn't believe I had the blood to spare for that!). It felt absolutely rock hard, like my little clit was so full of blood nothing more could be added and I could feel my pulse there.

I was frozen in place, I didn't trust myself to move without making a noise or freaking out and anything brushing my crotch would set me off. So I just sat there focusing on breathing as deeply and quietly as I could while watching Sandra and Brad. After a length of time that could have been 30 minutes or simply forever, they got up and walked back to the car hand in hand, both smiling at each other and laughing like teenagers.

Once they'd driven off I took a moment to collect myself and stood up to begin walking back to the cabin. I was a mess, to put it mildly. I didn't know what was going to happen, what I was going to do or even how to cope with what I was feeling. Shame, arousal, fear, friendship, betrayal were all swirling round inside me and tears began to stream down my face.

I came across a large, flat rock in a small clearing, sat down on it and began weeping.

After a minute, I heard a twig break and looked up, to see Shane walking into the clearing. A look of surprise crossed his face, "Becca?!? What's wrong? Is everything ok? Has something happened to the other?"

I'd calmed down a little by then and between gulps and pauses to dry my eyes I told Shane what had happened.

When I was finished, I saw his face had changed and he looked like he did when he was talking to Sandra or Brad. "Oh Becca, I think I owe you an apology. My ex wife, she was emotionally distant and would bottle everything up inside of her and eventually, that's why we broke up. You seemed distant and a little cold with me, especially compared to Sandra, so I kept you at arms length because you reminded me of my ex. Seeing you like this shows me I was unfair. You're nothing like her something like this, a betrayal by a friend, she'd have gone ice cold and clammed up. Can you forgive me?"

As he was speaking, I burst into tears again. Shane's eyes widened, he paused before saying, "it's ok, I know it hurts to be treated like this but..."

I interrupted before he could continue, " you...you don't understand. It's...it's not the betrayal, it...it wasn't even really a betrayal. I was never his, she didn't take him from me. As I watched them I saw they weren't having sex they were making love. Seeing them together like that, I understood they belong together." I almost shouted the last part, I looked away from Shane and wiped my eyes again before talking again, but this time in a much quieter voice.

"I'm crying because I saw exactly what I want but I'm beyond terrified it's something I'll never have. They were french kissing, it was so passionate and it just went on forever. They weren't having a quick fuck they were physically expressing their feelings for each other. Their bodies were so close and so together it was like they became one person. He was inside her, she nibbled his ear and cooed into them, he teased her nipples...cumming didn't even seem to be on their mind."

I took a deep breath before continuing, "And me? I just sat there watching and leaking and shaking and scared. I want to be her so much, SO MUCH, I want to be that free and easy, I want a man to look at me like that and treat me like that and be my world like that, but how?"

I stood up and began to turn away, "I can't even imagine it happening to me, let alone how to get it and it just makes me feel so..."

And Shane grabbed me by my the shoulder, turned me round, took hold of both of my hips and...

[beccasissy69]

I wrote up my next session a few weeks ago (the long hypno video) and after that, I was watching cuckqueen videos. These were hit and miss because sometimes, the woman been cucked really overdid the reaction which spoils it a little. Porn is porn but unless it's supposed to be funny the performers need to not be too silly. However some of them were hot when you could the cucked pouting in a corner or just playing with herself.

Then I was watching some makeup tutorials on contouring and highlighting. This was when my skin was still pretty bad so I couldn't practice but I made some notes and bookmarked a few things for my library. Especially useful were videos where they would pause part way through to chat the camera and you could see the makeup from slightly different angles.

This was then followed by picking some outfits which I also wrote up earlier. This was marred by some technical issues as Tumblr somehow ate my original post and I had to redo it the next day.

This was when the weather was very cold and I was a little flu-ey so I had a day or two when I didn't train. As I've written up some of the sessions this week covered, it means a short post for a change!

Next time I'll finish January and 🤞 it won't be long before I'm writing it up.

[beccasissy69]

Ok, so this is reblogging a reblog of a post Goddess made but I wanted to highlight it! This was February 2019 and it has since happened (a few times 😂 and 🤞 many, many, many more to come).

🍆 still gets me unbelievably hot but now it's not a stand out fact or something I doubt or wonder about. Goddess said something earlier this year along the lines of how much gayer I am and how much more comfortable I am with it and it's really striking going back and looking at my old posts.

Seeing myself and even accepting myself as feminine and girly and as sexually (and romantically) attracted to men has gone from something I'd giggle about as silly, talk around and make it seem like it's the height of naughtiness/ridiculousness to part of who I am.

There's something Goddess said about her training generally in another post that, "Your mind hasnt been fucked enough until you no longer know if you are gay/ straight/ or bi…." and I want my mind (plus other things) to be f*cked a lot more but I'm at least at this point now and I also know it doesn't matter!

**Edited because I wanted to make it clear that even though these are things I've been feeling for a while, I think that I'm comfortable saying them as well is a big step too.**

I DONT BRING OUT THE BEST SIDE OF YOU.SISSY. I BRING OUT THE ONLY SIDE OF YOU.

[beccasissy69]

This one is from December 2018, it's quite weird to see me crowing about being locked/denied for 15 days! At some point this flipped and being in chastity is the norm for me and releases are rare (my last one was Valentine's Day and before that I'm not sure but I think maybe summer last year?).

I can say this is much better for me because apart from them been "more" appropriate they're also much more meaningful and significant. I can remember my last one and what surrounded it very clearly, unlike the hundreds/thousands I had prior to my training.

My sex life, both individually and with others, has improved beyond all recognition and it feels like it's part of me now instead of just something to do to fill time.

Success

So I thought yesterday was day 14 without a release, but when I checked it was actually day 15! Goddess told me that it would be another attempt at a sissygasm, but this time I wasn’t going straight at it. First up was 30 minutes of warm up focusing on my balls. Goddess gave me the videos to watch and I got to work. You can probably guess this, but I was dripping quite heavily after 30 minutes!

Then on to the main event, Goddess said BBC gangbang compilation videos were what I should be using. It sounds weird but this is where all of Goddess’s training paid off, even listening to Sissytopia Radio helped because the music on the videos was the same type.

I reread Goddess’s tips from our very first lesson on it and then started. Given the warm up I felt fairly confident I would do it this time, but in the back of my mind I also remembered that I’d been overconfident in the past and not gotten close.��

I won’t go over the nitty gritty but after about an hour, I was really getting into it and I felt it starting to build. On some level, I don’t think I believed I would ever actually achieve it and this time it felt like it did when I had a dry one. So I was so surprised when I felt something trickling down my leg that I actually dropped my dildo! I’d done it! I think in part because I was expecting it to be more explosive, like a regular release, that when it dribbled out it threw me but I’d achieved a sissygasm!

Because I dropped my dildo and stopped stimulating myself when it happened, it was weirdly ruined (lol) but that just means next time I can finish it properly! I was so happy to finally make it, I know Goddess had been focusing on this and it finally paid off! Even the porn worked so well, I’ve never really been a fan of BBC, but something about it yesterday really worked for, the DSL, the bolted on tits and just been surrounded by cock was exactly what I needed.

[beccasissy69]

Goddess wanted me to look back over my blog, reblog some previous posts and comment on them. Tumblr shows i have 630 posts and it's not exactly brilliant for going back through them en masse in a reasonable manner so I scrolled through them all and picked out some that caught my eye.

I think this was my first training session involving brides and weddings, something I can now say is one of my biggest turn ons (last night's training , which I'll probably get to write about in 6 months 😂) was wedding focused.

It's more than sexual at this point too, even though the video I watched yesterday was porn, the start of it when the couple were dressed in their wedding outfits and chatting hit me emotionally. I didn't start crying but I did tear up a little. I'm much more emotional now...or at least I'm much more open to my emotions!

This was just over 4 years ago! I love how it shows the start of things, I'm now at the point where I daydream about being a bride and getting married and it strikes me as something serious that I want instead of just a hot fantasy.

Here comes the bride

Goddess said if I get horny at today’s training I really am a sissy girl, spoilers OMG I was so horny!

The night began with some fun on Sissytopia after I shared my pics from yesterday. 

Then Goddess gave me my training, today I was watching CFNM bride videos, this was a follow on from yesterdays training taking me from an innocent office girl to marrying my boss and becoming a bimbo housewife. 

Before i got started, Goddess had me try on my new deliveries. Yesterday’s stockings were joined by a new pair of 6″ bimbo heels and a matching short skirt. When I sent Goddess the pics, she teased me about the little bulge she could notice in the skirt 😉

Wearing a short skirt for the first time was everything I wanted it to be. I was forever tugging it down at the start and when I sit, it makes me keep my legs together.

Onto the porn! I couldn’t find one CFNM bride or wedding video that was just straight sex between the bride and groom, it all seemed to be gangbangs, double teams or orgys! Long time followers may recall that Goddess had me slowly work my way through a sissy bride story on Literotica at one point and it was easy to imagine the bride I was watching as the sissy from the story (or as Goddess pointed out with wink, me!). It made me so hot watching them!

Afterwards I had a chat with Goddess and said it was odd how some things struck me so deeply and they’re not even the things I thought would have had the most effect (before the training, bridal porn was something I would never even have considered watching and now I’ve soiled my new skirt watching it and imagining myself as the bride). I think I could hear Goddess laughing when she read this, it’s almost like she’s training me or something 🤣

[beccasissy69]

Kardi

My final choice is Kardi Black. She's another UK based YouTuber who does a lot of tutorials, makeup reviews and beginner's guides. They're very down to earth and really good at explaining things...even if I sometimes fail to match their example (entirely down to my lack of practice!).

The outfit is pink again but it's a harder pink than Luna's look. I like how it's "smart" but still shows cleavage, how they've used a neutral lip to make the overall look a little less overwhelming and the highlighting/contouring is very effective too.

It's a much more classic "draggy" look, with the heavy makeup and strong eyes and the hair really adds to it's sleekness.

It would be something of a mid-point between the other two looks, available but not slutty, if he plays his cards right the night could very definitely end with something more than a peck on the cheek but it's not a guarantee he has to make the effort!

[beccasissy69]

Nikki

This is maybe a little bit of a cheat as the majority of her work is on Patreon but I wanted to include Nikki Nicole.

I love how extra she is without going into the very extreme drag look. Her hair is always amazing and huge, she wears large boobs and heavy makeup and she is wonderful at tacky/cheap outfits. Leopard print, tracksuits, low cut tops and high heels.

For this specific outfit, it's kind of streetwalker chic, I love how much skin it shows and how the lips and nails stand out. The heels are high enough but they're not killers.

This isn't a demure and girly outfit, it's brassy and obvious! It would be either bend over in front of everyone so they can have a good look and wait and see who approaches me or just walk up to a rough looking, muscled and tattoo covered guy.

How would he feel? Hopefully his blood would be in other places and they would be leading the conversation 😉. This isn't a "let's have a few drinks and really get to know one another" look, it's a "take me into the nearest alley and push me up against the wall" one.

[beccasissy69]

Luna

Goddess wants me to write three posts featuring looks from drag artists that I would like to recreate and then imagine how a guy would feel if I approached them wearing it.

I'm starting with Luna, who I've mentioned many (many!) times previously on my blog. I think she was the first drag artist I had any real exposure too and I adore her looks and personality. She's been going through some tough times for a while now and I hope she can get past it.

This is a Barbie Bombshell look, it's very soft and princessy and I adore the hair and the tiara.

Even though it's a little against what Goddess said, with something this girly and feminine I think I'd be sitting there making eyes at some guy (probably more than one), pouting a little and willing them to approach me.

As for approaching a guy, I think it would be a slow burn affair. The look does show some skin but it doesn't scream "slut". I'd want him to recognise this, offer to buy me a drink and take it from there. Our friends drift away and before we know it, a couple of hours have passed.

He waits with me until my Uber arrives, gives me his coat when we get outside and then kisses me. We swap numbers and he messages me to make sure I got home ok.

[beccasissy69]

“We’ve talked about this before Becca, more then anything you just need to get over yourself.” Sandra frowned at me and reached out a perfectly manicured hand for her drink.

“I know, I know but,”

Slamming her drink down hard enough that others in the bar turned to look and raising her voice, “NO, NO “I know”, NO “but”.”

I blushed and looked down.

“Look at me, this is so simple even you can’t be struggling with it. I showed Brad your picture and he wants to meet you. You’ve told me, several times, “Sandra I want this”, “Sandra please help”.”

She paused to take a sip and waved at the bartender, who bought another couple of cocktails over for us. He was clearly staring down her top and with a big smile on her face, Sandra leaned forward to take the drinks and winked at him. That right there was exactly why I envied her and why I loved her. She was so free and so open and so fun. She could talk with anyone, flirt with anyone and charm guys like it was nothing. I almost couldn’t believe she was my best friend!

It was pure blind chance we ever met, 6 months ago I’d been browsing out makeup in a couple of stores and she was in both of them at the same time as me and recognised me. She came over and suggested a certain shade of foundation as perfect for my skin colour and once I finished blushing, she introduced herself, apologised if she’d made me uncomfortable and suggested a drink.

I’d tried to wiggle out of it but she insisted and over the next few months I found out how hard it was to say no to her when she began insisting. She ordered cocktails and over the next couple of hours as I relaxed, she drew my story out while sharing hers and a couple of hours later we shared numbers and as she gave me a kiss on my cheek whispered that I was her new project.

We met the next weekend for drinks and she’d told she was wiped out from her previous night and then clarified that she’d picked up a couple of guys at a bar and took them both home. My face was bright red and she began laughing, before she asked if that was something I would like and winking at me when I started to stutter a reply. “Don’t worry sweetheart, not right of course…”.

After a couple of drinks she pulled me up and said it was time to go shopping. We walked over to the makeup store we’d met in and she went up to one of the beauticians. “This is Becca, can you recommend foundation, bronzer etcetera for her skin tone please?”

“SANDRA! I don’t think…” I said.

“Exactly,” she said, “you don’t, so be quiet, you might learn something.”

The next half hour was unbelievably embarrassing...to begin with. It felt like everyone was staring and I stood there while the beautician and Sandra talked above me and around me while testing products on me. After 5 minutes I was swept along in the conversation and before I knew it we were leaving the store and I had a small fancy bag full of makeup.

We stopped to pick up some wine and got a cab back to Sandra’s apartment. She poured some glasses and put some music on and we sat down. She asked if I liked her makeup and I said it was amazing! So well done and glamorous, she smiled and said that was perfect because she wanted to give me a makeover.

My eyes darted to the door and just said, “don’t be silly Becca, you’re not going to fight me every step of the way because I want this and so do you. Isn’t that true?”

I looked at the floor and mumbled, “...yes”.

“No, look at me sweetheart.”

I lifted my eyes and she said, “now tell me.”

“Please Sandra, yes.”

“That’s better, now pay attention because you need to be able to do this for yourself as well as I can. It will take some practice but that’s fine.”

The next couple of hours was such an amazing experience, just chatting and drinking wine and getting made up. Sandra switched between talking me through makeup techniques and products and ideas and telling stories about her sex life that made my toes curl.

I didn’t realise she’d finished until she started taking pictures and passing me a mirror. “Becca sweetie, the boys are just going to go wild over you”. I stared into the mirror and couldn’t believe what I saw, I looked so soft and feminine, it was magical.

Sandra started laughing and I tore my eyes away from the mirror. She was looking at her phone and then looked up at me, before turning the screen around. “I told you! I sent your pic to the guys I hooked up with last night and they’re both asking for your details. Say the word and I can host…”

“Sandra, I...I don’t think I’m ready.”

“You don’t think you’re ready yet hunnie! We’ll get you there.”

The next 6 months passed in a whirlwind of femininity as we spent more and more time together and grew closer. Sandra had lots of friends, especially guys, but few were very close to her and I was shy and awkward. Sandra was pushy, bitchy, self centred and loved having “control” of our relationship but she was fun and open and loving. I was almost always available at short notice and happy to get swept along in her wake. Trips to the spa, massages together, the salon, getting our nails done.

She would make me blush (you should have heard what she told the guy who was giving her a massage and what she suggested to mine) and she rarely take no for an answer. More often than not, telling her “no” was a prelude to her insisting I meant yes until I agreed.

For my birthday present, she’d taken over my little used Grindr account for a week and arranged a hook up. I don’t know what she’d told him but after he’d finished it was a struggle to walk for a couple of days, which Sandra teased me about mercilessly.

“What do you say Becca? I saw your eyes widen when you saw that shirtless pic of Brad and you know, he’s friend with Shane so if your date goes well, we can double date and just think how much fun that will be!”

“It’s just, dating, it’s a big step for me.”

“Oh sweetie,” she reached her hands across the table and wrapped them around mine, “I know but look how many big steps you’ve taken over the past few months and how well they’ve turned out.”

She took one hand off mine and put her phone on the table. She started typing, “Hey Brad, I’m here with Becca, she saw that picture of you and she’d love to meet you! Honestly, she can’t stop talking about you and what she wants you to do to her (but that part is just between us ;) ).”

“Don’t…,” I said.

She looked back at me and smiled. “I’m not,” she slid the phone over to me, “you are. You said it’s a big step but it’s not, the life you want is the press of a button away. Your friendship means the world to me and I love you but I’m not going to push you out of the nest. Let go and JUMP Becca, once your feet leave the ground you’ll soar.”

Sandra removed her hands from mine, grabbed her drink and lent back in her seat.

[beccasissy69]

Week 2 in January began continued the theme from the past few days. I was watching POV strapon JOI videos with a strong rubber doll/latex etc theme. Even more tortuously, I was uncaged and edging.

This always makes me nervous, I never feel the urge to rip off my cage and do anything but if I'm there for my training and in the heat of the moment I could make a bad decision...luckily here I didn't even though I got really close at one point. I loved how my attention was flipping between the videos and my arousal because then it feels like the words are just slipping straight into me without much awareness on my part.

Then I was fingering myself while watching rimjob videos.This felt really powerful, it took a couple of attempts to find the best position for me but when I got into the groove my legs were trembling 😂. I did have to switch videos a few times because quite often they'd switch from the ass to the 🍆 and that wasn't what I wanted 😾. There were some really hot compilations too.

Then I was doing doing a workout session but with a men's workout with a male trainer. No weights but lots of exercises like push ups. I got really turned on beforehand, just the idea and then looking for videos and it was striking how when I do exercises like this now I always pick woman and usually Pilates/Yoga/cardio HIIT.

The workout was really challenging. It wasn't unarousing but it was hard to get really turned on because I was working pretty hard, the blood was needed elsewhere!

Next I was watching chubby, older guys jerking off. I was to fantasize after their 🍆 (especially if it was small) and their other body parts, and match the pace of the stroking on a dildo in my 🍑.

This really messed me up 😅😅😅. It took a little while to start finding good videos but, as usually happens, once I found one the recommended section started to fill up with others and it all grew from there.

Watching them play with themselves and making myself almost drool with desire was a HUGE turn on. Watching one fat guy stroke his tiny 🍆 while his thighs and belly jiggled was insane. At some point the "making myself" part of it fell away and I was just pure desire and by the end my head was spinning.

My weekend task was scrolling through the posts on the jerkbudss subReddit (which has now disappeared 😡) for an hour and just vibing myself. A lot of sexy pics and GIFs and it was frustrating (to say the least) when my vibe ran out of power after about 45 minutes. Some of the GIFs though, just watching them loop over and over...