#i play this song on repeat when im writing sad fic

[littlelovelore]

carving away our fingerprints out of our fiingertips until they're smooth

[perfumejamal]

SECRET SANTA (h.r) 18+

pairing: dom!renjun x f!reader

summary: when you are renjun’s secret santa and you choose to get him a silly present, but the night ends with him splitting you open on his couch.

genre: @jenoslutie ‘s christmas collab, smut, fluff

warnings: best friend!renjun, pocket pussy mentioned, unprotected (seems like all my fics.. but pls use protection!), cute renjun, softdom!rejun, creampie??

word count: 1.6k

a/n: YOOO yall don’t know how many time i had to scrap the damn fic. i was so close to ending this account that’s how bad it was fr.. also i am so sorry for how late this is i was trying my best to finish it with how many times i deleted it and tryna keep up all my course work ,, hope yall can enjoy and look past how late it is ………also listen to this song bc it was on repeat while i was writing this!!

renjun was one of the hardest people to read, he was very quiet and kept to himself. unlike the rest of the guys, he didn’t hit on you or make sexual jokes around you. you were convinced he didn’t make any jokes of that sort at all.

you smile as you mentally read his name off the slip you just drew from a cup. you and your friends decided to do secret santa, following the usual tradition you had all followed.

you spotted renjun sitting at the kitchen counter, snacking on some chocolate covered pretzels. he would talk from time to time, but most conversations was held by you and the others. you sit on the counter facing him, staring down at him. “junnie?”

he hummed softly as a response, “are you not having fun?” you say with a sad tone to your voice.

he quickly straightens his posture before responding, “i-im having a lot of fun!” he says with a slight smile.

you smile back at him taking his hand and leading him to the living room, where everyone else was singing and dancing.

you snickered to yourself as you wrapped up renjun’s gift. unsure of what to get him you thought you’d get him something silly and something he needed. your friend group was very open about hookups and lack there of. renjun, however didn’t really talk about any of that. so what better gift to get him than something he could use to pleasure himself?

you were getting ready to drop off his gift. he didn’t have a lecture today and he wasn’t working so it was the perfect time to swing by his apartment. you also didn’t want any of your friends to see the gift, they tend to make a big deal out of things.

you rung the doorbell to his apartment, quickly making your way in when he let you in.

“junnie!” you exclaim hugging him immediately. “i’m your secret santa,” you say with a bright smile to your face handing him the wrapped present.

he smiled and took the gift placing it under his small christmas tree. “take a seat, let me get you some hot chocolate,” he said heading to the kitchen.

you take off your jacket and place it on the hanger by his door. snuggling into his cozy couch, and covering yourself with the blanket you had crocheted for him. “junnie i’m gonna search for a movie to watch!” you yell from the couch, earning a small ‘mhm’ from him.

scrolling through the new releases you chose a random rom-com, and renjun came back just in time with your mug of hot chocolate and some cake. he sat down next to where you laid, getting under the blanket and letting your head rest on his lap.

the movie started with the main characters hating each other, and you were intrigued this trope being your favorite. your focus kept shifting as renjun kept playing with your hair, his slender fingers massaging your scalp.

you relaxed into his touch, your mind hazy at the softness of his fingers. “fuckk,” you moaned, accidentally. you cover your mouth quickly realizing what just happened. he chuckled, slowly pulling his hands out of your hair.

your face is reddening but you try to hide it by looking at the screen, focusing once more on the movie. which was probably not a good idea. you’re not even sure how long he was massaging your scalp, but by the time you looked back there was a sex scene.

you clear your throat awkwardly as you watch it, rubbing your legs together and shifting around. “are you okay, y/n?” you quickly look up at him from his lap and nod your head yes rapidly.

“yes!” you exclaim. “sorry if i was moving so much,” you say moving to sit next to him. focusing on the screen once more.

you let out a sigh of relief as the movie came to an end. “you know,” you start, moving towards his tree. “you can open your present,”

he nodded walking towards his tree, grabbing the cutely wrapped present. “you’re right,” he said as he neatly ripped it apart. his eyebrows furrowing in question looking at the box under the pink wrapping paper. you sit back on the couch sipping on some water as his mouth forms an ‘o’. “you got me a fucking pocket pussy?”

you burst out into laughter, spitting out the water in your mouth. he walked towards the couch while holding the present in his hand. “y/n,” he started, lifting up your chin up to face him. your eyes wondering everywhere but to his own. “why’d you get me this?”

his tone was deep, with a serious undertone and it made you nervous. you had never seen him like this, you didn’t even think his voice could go that deep, dropping a few octaves from his normal voice. “i-im sorry.. i just wanted to give you something to help yourself!”

he looked down at you angrily, “what? you thought that just because i didn’t fuck you that i didn’t fuck anyone?” he leaned down closing the gap between you and him, “you’re right, though.”

you could feel his breath on yourself, making you even more nervous. “do you know why that is, y/n?” you nodded your head no as a response, unable to get any words out. “well, it’s because i want to fuck you, i always have.”

you gasped at the words, throat closing up at his words. “fuck it,” he said before closing the gap between you two, pushing his lips on yours. his hand sneaking around your body, one around your neck to deepen the kiss the other gripping your hips.

you moan into his mouth, he pulls away slowly. “i need you right now, y/n,” he says. “then fuck me, junnie!” you say in excitement awaiting his next move.

his eyes were full of lust and warmth, he kept steady eye contact with you as his he started getting on his knees between your thighs. he pressed the hot warmth of his mouth onto your clothed pussy. chuckling against you as your back arched from the friction. “baby, relax your body,”

you whine as his fingers grace your cunt, he plays with the waistband of your panties. “please! please do something renjun,” you pleaded him making him laugh at you before pulling your panties down and lapping at your pussy.

his hand grip at your thighs, and his tongue works your folds. he sucks on your clit like a madman, hungry and thirsty for you. “you’re so fucking wet, y/n,” he says while adding two fingers into your hole.

you gasp, throwing your head back, a scream ripping through your throat. “fuck, fuck!” you moan out, your hands making their way to his soft hair, grabbing a handful to guide him more into your pussy.

renjun looks up at you, seeing your pleased face, smiling to himself. “y/n, baby are you close?” he asks you in a sweet tone.

“mhm! fuck, yes i’m close junnie!” you moan out as a response. and just like that your body felt empty, your orgasm is quickly interrupted. a sadistic chuckle escaping him as he sees the sadness on your face. “why’d you stop?” you pout.

he smiles, cupping your face with his soft hands, caressing your hair before saying, “i want to feel you,” he says simply, kissing your swollen lips, “i wanna feel you come against my dick,”

you bite your lips, using your hands to pull his sweats down. letting his dick spring out against his abdomen. “can i ride you?” you ask, whispering into his ear as if you’d be ridiculed if you said it any louder.

“fuck, y/n, you can do whatever the fuck you want to me.”

you smile, climbing onto his hardened dick, using his arms as support. you both let out a pleased sigh as you sank down into his dick, slowly letting yourself adjust to his size.

you started to slowly bounce, but renjun had different plans. his hands rest on both sides of you, forcing himself into you fast, making your eyes roll back. he giggled bringing his head to rest on the nape of your shoulder as you rode him slowly.

the room was filled with the sound of your bodies slapping against each other, and your loud moans along with his quiet moans. you ran your nails over his toned back, biting his shoulder softly.

he uses his hands to lift you from bouncing, causing you to whine. “shh, baby,” he said pushing your head onto the soft couch in his dimly lit living room. you can feel yourself feeling hotter against his hard dick.

renjun aligned himself, hand resting on your lower abdomen, slowly entering you feeling himself against your lower stomach. “you alright y/n?” he asked earning a response from you almost immediately.

“yes, yes fuckkkk!” you scream into the cushion you were holding for support. “you’re fucking me so good, junnie.”

he smiled to himself, his thrusts becoming sloppier. he could feel himself getting closer and closer to coming undone. his hand worked its way to your clit rubbing circles, making your eyes roll back harder than before.

your legs were threatening to give up on you, and renjun gripped your hips to hold you up. “where do you want my cum?”

you moaned at the question, “in me please!”

he complied with your request, cumming in you. your body gave up on you, letting you fall down onto the couch. renjun let out a low chuckle. “you fucked me crazy, junnie!”

he smiled at you, pressing a kiss onto your lips, your eyes half closed. “yeah, i guess i did,” he laughed at your fucked out state. “do you still think i need that pocket pussy?”

you giggled, “definitely not, you probably think i’m the worse secret santa…”

he smiled, “this was the best gift i could ask for,” he said placing a soft kiss on your lips.

[onlyswan]

arttttttt! istg when I say that I love clairo, I meant it so freaking much but I was listening to the album 'Immunity' yesterday and I wouldn't ask you played, and I remember in which!oc and the fic that you recommended listening to the song with. I was like, why did I just listen to this song in this way? this feels so much different now having the thought of oc and the break-up oh my gosh. It is so sad thinking about how oc literally had to grow up alone and they are so independent and the 'I wouldn't ask you' line literally felt like, yes they are strong but having jungkook in their life feels the only right thing and it wouldn't be the same without him and it was like reminding him that I'm okay and everything will be okay and we're gonna thrive and will have the best life together, you don't have to worry about me so please stay :( I could literally write a whole essay on how this song is indeed oc-coded

OH MY GOSHHSJDHDJHF IM SO GEEKED SOMEONE FINALLY DID IT 😭🫶🏼

YOU WORDED THIS PERFECTLY IM GONNA CRY !!!! i was listening to it on repeat while writing and thinking about oc’s pov and ohhhh the tears and the heartache please give oc all the hugs and love in the world 🥲

It is so sad thinking about how oc literally had to grow up alone and they are so independent and the 'I wouldn't ask you' line literally felt like, yes they are strong but having jungkook in their life feels the only right thing

i’m literally punching the air crying and throwing up listening to the song again rn while reading this. you’re my favorite person right now anonie 😭😭😭😭😭 thank you so much for sharing !!!! you made my entire day <333

[bartonbones]

3, 11, 27

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos)?

I think I am def most proud of Dog Days are Over!! It's my longest ever one-shot, and also the only 5+1 fic I've ever written, although I did kind of cheat. I think most of what I wanted to land landed well and the thing I am most proud of is that it's the only fic I've ever written that I actually had the motivation to re-write. The first version was a much truer 5+1 and didn't have the connective tissue or overarching theme that it does now, and I rewrote at least half of it after I figured out what I wanted to do with it. I almost never do that because i'm very lazy, but i took the time with it and i think it def paid off!!

11. What work took you the longest to write?

In the absolute opposite vein of dog days, a new place to be from originally had a much longer and more ambitious version that i can...barely remember now LOL. I knew I wanted to write Steve and Jonathan but I just...never felt like I could pin them down and get them to talk. Mostly becuase the ending of s4 is so catastrophic that Plot Components bogged me down--i hate plot, i'm not good at it, and i hate having to weave around it to do what i really want to do which is Write Sad Boys Having Dull, Sad, Conversations. as i'm typing this i remember that the longer version was a much slower burn friendship and would've involved different play-dates between all the characters--i wanted steve and nancy to have an awkward sleep over where they can kind of work through whatever they've got going on (i know ur a stancy truther and that's so valid but one thing about me is that i love unrequited love more than anything and also i can't physically do that to jonathan), i wanted jonathan and robin to become friends (they're both weirdos!! they'd get on!!), i have a whole dialogue of steve and robin talking about the russian torture that i loved but like would have to write so much other stuff to get them to say...in the end it just took me forever to get out even what i did publish and to be honest i still don't know why it was like pulling teeth when so much of it would have been so fun !!! but alas!! they were so fucking stubborn that i gave up and published what i had so it would stop staring at me in google docs like the fucking eyes of t.j. eckleberg. also i think partially i just wanted to write a manifesto of My Stranger Things Character Opinions which probably wouldn't have suited anyone LMAO

27. What do you listen to while writing?

This is so fun and easy to answer becuase I always listen to a sad, moody song on repeat so they're always in my youtube music rewind (i'm a freak, but i've been using it since i was 13 and im too old to learn new tricks)

There u go!! my top five Moody, Sad Songs to write Moody, Sad Conversations to !!

[zu-is-here]

Thank you for your reply as well 💜

If you'd like, I could keep you updated on how I'm doing. I mean, I'd ask the same, but there are people who always do that (@help-im-a-gay-fish, I'm looking at you with gratitude and warmth; thanks for always checking on Zu, your conversations really mean a lot to me 💗), I don't want to repeat questions. Though I'm thinking about asking you some other things, and sharing news in the meantime. It'd be nice to get to know you better, so it's a win-win. Would that be alright?

As for my Chinese lesson, it went... alright, I guess. Considering I didn't feel well and was a bit out of practise... But it was nice to get back to actual stydying. I love this language so much, but don't speak it good enough to use some social media in Chinese, so when there are no lessons I feel like I'm kind of falling out of it. But now I'm there once again, and it feels really good!

I'm very embarrassed and unsure, but, uh. Would you maybe like to play in Sky together sometime? If not, no problem! Just thought it was worth asking, even if our schedules don't exactly match up (x

I'm so glad I managed to explain everything about the songs! By the way, I just realised there is at least one thing between The Killing Kind and X-tra Dark Cream that is not a spoiler, so I can share it now!

The ghost in me was true but

You've been haunted too just—

Didn't see it all along

Remember this part? Well guess what you have~

Doesn't that sound familiar?

This part of the song is always a moment of reminiscing for Dream and Cross. Back to the days when it all took another turn. When the old dreams were shattered, and the new ones were yet to be made.

...

I'm very random right now, can't even explain my thought process here, but all that reminded me that I have the fourth chapter of A dream that comes crashing down translated and published on fanficus. No updates on ficbook though, recent changes make me too sad, I don't use this one as much anymore. I'll still post things there, but obly in piles, a few chapters and/or oneshots at a time. Don't want to spend there more time than necessary. Oh, on a lighter note, my blog now has navigation in every fic post! I worked on that for a few days, and finished today! Hope the links work for everyone, not just me (x

And last but not least... You have no idea how happy and flattered I am. Making things special is exactly what I want. It's just that I've been standing out for as long as I can remember, and for almost everyone my words barely meant anything and the way I perceive the world is strange (mostly the bad type of strange), and that's part of why I can't hear my own writing, why my words now seem hollow and meaningless to me. At least it doesn't stop me from treasuring people who get what I'm trying to tell, who hear me. To whom I make things seem more special. So reading this part was... wow. It still is. I know you consider my works wonderful, and I know you are always glad to talk to me, but this? For me, it's another level. Спасибо. Я так, так рада... Эти слова и впрямь попали в самую точку и запали в душу, оставив отпечаток. Подобные вещи для меня действительно много значат.

Okay, I turned into an emotional mess, who would have guessed (x I'll just end it here for now.

Waiting patiently for your reply and grateful in advance for listening,

anfie.

That would be amazing!╰(*´︶`*)╯No pressure, of course, just whenever you feel like doing so ♡

And that's good to hear! Chinese sounds so interesting yet really hard...

Oh don't be embarrassed! I'd love to play with you sometime <3 Maybe we'd be able to meet even more friends (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)

Wait— it does! *0* I did miss the very beginning, "when the old dreams were shattered, and the new ones were yet to be made." ☆

***

Ah I almost forgot about fanficus! It seems like a nice alternative to our good old ficbook ♪ Despite all the updates, it's still very dear to me, though I left it a long time ago. Back to fanficus, I'll be gladly following you there! Is that where your blog with navigation is? (・∀・)

Am I happy to hear this (๑>◡<๑) I know how underestimated many creators may be, with amazing works and, as luck would have it, a small audience, especially writers. Not just details but the whole meaning escape from an unprepared reader's gaze, and it may be each of us, so many talents, unheard, disappear. Но я верю в тебя. Не сворачивай со своего пути! ☆

Take care, and have a good night ♡

UPD:

Really? (ﾟ∀ﾟ) I thought it was more of a stereotype that Asian languages ​​"are the same", though many of them were just isolated from each other, so that's funny indeed x)

Aw got it, thank you! (〃ω〃)

I see (ó3ò) Oh btw, what do you think about Archive of Our Own? *^* I still get lost there in navigation xd but this is definitely the biggest community for writers and readers!

Ah it's okay! My bad, but now I see, that's really easy to use (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)

You're doing amazing ♡ Keep up the great work! ☆

[adoresobs]

- the other pov! ( 𝐓.𝐂 )

the reader’s a singer and after listening to her good friend, harry’s song ‘falling’, she decides to make the other person’s pov which she relates to because of her recent breakup with timmy.

THIS FIC CONTAINS just angst mostly

can’t tell if i love or hate this but i decided to give something new a try and this is how it turned out-

part one | part two | part three 

𝐌 𝐀 𝐒 𝐓 𝐄 𝐑 𝐋 𝐈 𝐒 𝐓

THE SONG

you set up your phone, pressing the ‘go live’ button, watching as the comments began to fill up with countless compliments already.

“hey guys!” you tried your best to be the usual bubbly person your fans saw even with the breakup still being fresh in your mind. you grew closer to the phone to read the comments.

userone quarantine got everyone looking rough

“damn, do i look that bad?” you laughed, pushing some of your hair behind your ear. you could what they meant, your hair was tied in a ‘ponytail’ or just a mop on top of your head, no makeup was on your face, and you had on sweats. you could say you didn’t dress up at all.

usertwo u still look gorgeous queen it’s fiNe

userthree did u and timmy actually break up or is teen vogue playing with my feelings

userfour k but what’s with these articles ‘y/n l/n and timothée chalamet call it quits?!’

that was only a fraction of the comments you were receiving about him. you let out a nervous laugh, biting down on your lip. “okay, so, the reason i started this up was to show you all something i’ve been working on. if you know harry’s beyond amazing self and you listen to his music then you know falling which is also amazing. wellll, i made a slight remake of it? but it’s like from the other person’s point of view.” you explained.

userfive did u and timmy actually break up ):

usersix we writing sad songs now-

“yes, we are writing sad songs now,” you said with a small laugh. “no but all credits and shit go to harry and if you don’t listen to him, you should. he’s a really good friend of mine and you’re missing out if you don’t.”

userseven baby ur such a good person

usereight i want a y/n, she’s so supportive

usernine still dodging questions about timothée huh

“thank you for wanting a..me?” you giggled before turning to your piano. “okay, so i can play it but i’m not the best at piano so spare me, please.”

userten shes so precious

usereleven timothée lost all this

usertwelve how does she still look gorgeous without trying

your smile faltered at the comment about your ex. “alright, i’m gonna start.” you told the thousands of people watching, looking down at the keys and beginning to play.

“i’m in my bed, instead of yours, cried to sleep, turned off all of the lights and locked all of the doors.”

you remembered the day after everything went down. you barely got out of bed unless it was to use the bathroom. the most you did was cry and sleep when you couldn’t cry anymore.

“i replay what you said, don’t know if it’s true, left with two broken hearts and there’s nothing that we can undo.”

“i don’t want to be with you another.” timothée said, breaking the silence. you’d spent hours arguing about pointless things, it escalated the longer the fight went on. you just looked up at him, trying to scan his face, see if he truly wanted this. his head was facing the ground so you couldn’t read his expression. “this isn’t gonna work out for much longer and we both know that so i’ll just save us the trouble of going through this later on.”

“what am i now? what am i now? don’t wanna cry ‘cause i can’t stand the sound,”

you cringed at the screaming baby in the supermarket, catching timothée’s eye quickly. “little loud for you?” he asked, a smile on his face.

“i can’t stand the sound of crying so yes, it is.” you shot back, reaching over to hit his arm. timothée rubbed his arm, flipping you off.

“wouldn’t have guessed since you cry almost everyday.” he joked which made you gasp.

“i would appreciate it if i wasn’t being attacked by my boyfriend right now.”

“i’m falling again, i’m falling again, i’m falling.”

userthirteen she’s really making me cry like this

userfourteen truly think she did this because of the breakup with timmy ):

userfifteen about to go fuck up his perfect face if he hurt my baby

“what if i’m down? what if i’m out? what if you’re someone i can’t live without?”

“are you gonna admit that you love me or are we gonna have to keep doing this hate thing?” timothée asked after you’d stated you hated him for the third time that day. “mm, i think i’m gonna stick with the hate thing.” you answered, letting out a laugh.

“okay, y/n, i’m gonna need you to repeat after me.”

“mhm.” you decided to play whatever game he was playing.

“i, y/n l/n”

“i, y/n l/n,” you repeated.

“love mr. timothée chalamet and cannot live without him.”

“hate mr. timothée chalamet and definitely can live without him because he sucks.”

“i don’t recall that being what i said?”

“oh, really? tough luck.” you teased.

“i’m falling again, i’m falling again, i’m falling.”

usersixteen u sound so gOOD BABY

userseventeen i wasn’t even in the relationship and i’m about to cry

usereighteen can u- make a song with harry though-

“you said you cared, but i never knew, before i heard your lyrics, i didn’t even have a clue.”

“hey, y/n?” timothée muttered. he wasn’t sure if you were alseep or not since you were sprawled out on his chest and clinging to him. he couldn’t see if your eyes were open until you lifted you head up so it was face to face with his. “hm?” you asked.

“you know i care about you, right?”

“pfft, of course not.” even in your sleepy state, you still made jokes with him.

timothée almost groaned at your words, “i’m serious, okay?”

“i know, i know. i care about you too.” you laid your head back on chest and fell asleep comfortably in his arms. you slept great especially knowing that you were cared for.

“now everytime somebody says your name, i remember the day where i ran out of reasons to stay.”

“you don’t think this is working out?” you asked, your voice was low. you didn’t want this conversation to be happening. why couldn’t you just go back to before? where everything was good. you were happy.

timothée shook his head, not even bothering to look you in the eyes.

“so, that’s it?” you asked with a bitter laugh. “it’s over that quick. you’re not even fighting for us! shows how much this really meant to you.”

“oh, cmon on, y/n. we both knew that this was gonna fall apart when it started. we don’t work and that’s all.”

“we both knew? or just you?”

“what am i now? what am i now? don’t wanna cry ‘cause i can’t stand the sound, i’m falling again, i’m falling again, i’m falling.”

zendaya shut up you sound SO GOOD

arianagrande so proud of u xx

usernineteen completely forgot she was friends with them-

“what if i’m down? what if i’m out? what if you’re someone i can’t live without? i’m falling again, i’m falling again, i’m falling.”

usertwenty everyone appreciate this talented queen

usertwentyone this is where my favorite part comes up, everyone shut uP

usertwentytwo can i be u pls

“can i do this alone without ever needing you again?”

“admit you need me and i’ll help you.” timothée said, teasing you which he had been doing for the last ten minutes.

“this would be fine if i had subtitles but you won’t give me the damn remote.” you huffed. the movie was fully in french which you couldn’t understand. timothée didn’t want to turn on the subtitles since you refused to let him teach you french.

“admit it and the remote is all yours.”

“i need you because without you, i would have a very fun life without having to worry about knowing french.” you fired which only made timothée roll his eyes.

“no remote for y/n.” he said, turning back to the movie leaving you to whine about it.

“what am i now? what am i now? what will i do now that you’re not around? i’m falling again, i’m falling again, i’m falling”

you had never been so unproductive and bored in your life. that was something he was amazing at - encouraging and motivating you to do your best and take on the day no matter how juch you didn’t want to. now that he wasn’t here, there hardly felt like you had anohter reason to do said things. you were alone twenty four seven.

“what if i’m down? what if i’m out? maybe you’re someone i won’t talk about, i’m falling again, i’m falling again, i’m falling.”

your thoughts wandered back to all of the comments you neglected to answer. you didn’t want to talk about him and you were he didn’t want to talk about you. you finished, ending the song before turning back to your phone. you scrolled through the comments, seeing all the ones you missed while playing. “thank you z! and i love you, ari.” you said with a laugh.

usertwentythree when i see him, it’s on sight

usertwentyfour anyways u sounded so gOOD AND IM SO PROUD OF U!!

your heart warmed at the sweet comment, your face immediately heating up. “look, now i’m blushing. thank you lovely!”

harrystyles you sounded better than me

harrystyles think it’s your song now

usertwentyfive her and harry’s friendship >>

“miss you, harold!” you exclaimed. “but, i think i’m gonna end this. thank you all for liking it.” you said and ended the live.

the next morning your phone was blowing up. screenrecordings and videos of you singing were everywhere. there were even articles considering it your way of saying that you and timothée broke up. people on twitter were tweeting at you, mainly nice things which is what you only cared about.

your friends were blowing up your texts messages, screaming how proud they were of you. you were almost to the point of tears until you saw one message in particular.

my angel boy: hey

[janegrey9]

you said forever

ok so for the first jatp fic i am EVER POSTING ON THIS WEBSITE ofc it had to be something angsty 😈 and after listening to olivia rodrigo’s new song drivers license i was feeling mega inspired so… here we go i guess! also its kinda short but oh well im pretty proud of it so you can deal with its length

summary: the boys crossed over more than a year ago, but julie’s still mourning. she just got her driver’s license, and a memory comes flooding back (i’m not exaggerating when i say i legitimately listened to drivers license on repeat while writing this).

word count: 1,257

Julie wanted to cry. No, not wanted - needed. She needed to cry, to show some kind of emotion, to stop bottling it up, but she just couldn't. She needed to be strong more than she needed to cry, and what would her dad think if he walked in on her in her room, crying? He didn’t know what had happened. No one did but her and Flynn, and Julie had already spent too many hours crying on Flynn’s shoulder. 

It was a good thing, she reminded herself, a good thing that the boys crossed over after the Orpheum performance. They could be at peace now. They were with her mom now.

But, God, did she want them back. When they left, Alex, Luke, and Reggie had left behind a cosmic ache in her chest, a hole that could never be filled. Alex, with his dry comments and comforting words and dance moves. Reggie, with his honesty and loyalty and joy. And Luke, oh God, Luke. Luke with his passion and his love and his stupid, stupid smile. Some days, Julie missed her boys so much she wanted to just curl up in bed with Flynn and not move. 

Going into her mom’s studio had become a whole new level of hard. Seeing their instruments and clothes on top of her mom’s things? The mere thought of doing that made her want to cry. Julie was strong, but even she couldn't bear losing four people in less than two years. She had barely known them, time-wise, at least, but she loved them. Julie loved her boys with everything she had, and now they were gone.

Of course, it’s not like she could show it.

It’s not like she could just stop playing music again.

Not that they'd want that, anyway.

So Julie had kept going. She had gone on with regular life, acting like everything was normal when in actuality, she felt like she had shattered into a thousand pieces.

She had continued on with her life, and as most teenagers do, Julie had just gotten her driver’s license. The glossy card had a picture of her, wearing Alex’s pink shirt and Reggie’s leather jacket and Luke’s wallet chain. And as the seventeen year old looked at her name printed on the license, she couldn't help slipping into a memory.

Julie and Luke sat next to each other on the sidewalk. It was growing dark, the sun disappearing over the tops of the palm trees, and Julie was getting nervous. In a few minutes, Flynn would get there and they’d have to go inside to perform their song, Finally Free, for a café of record execs. Reggie and Alex were already inside, watching the other bands, but Julie couldn’t bring herself to go in and Luke stayed with her.

As a car sped past the two of them, a question popped into Julie’s mind.

“Did you ever get your driver’s license?” She asked the boy next to her. “While you were alive, I mean.”

“Yeah. Me an’ Reggie got ours on the same day.” Luke responded, a smile on his face as he remembered the day. “Why?”

“Just curious. I’ve had my permit for a couple of months.”

“You like driving?”

“I’m not sure yet. It’s kind of stressful.”

“Yeah, I get that. Alex is the same way with it.”

“Do you?”

“Do I what?”

“Like driving.”

“Oh. Yeah, I love it. My parents could never afford to get me my own car, so I usually drove my dad’s or Bobby’s car.”

“What do you like about it?”

“I dunno. The freedom, mostly, I guess. And you're stalling, by the way.”

Julie blinked innocently at Luke, finally tearing her gaze away from the road. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She said.

“It’s okay, Jules. I got you. Me an’ the boys, we've got you. You’re a star, you’ll do great out there.” Luke said, looking as if he wished desperately to be able to reach out to her.

“You got me?”

“I got you. Forever.”

Julie smiled slightly at her new band mate, before looking back out at the road and spotting Flynn walking towards her. She hauled herself to her feet, whispering a small “thanks” that Luke just barely caught, and walked over to meet Flynn.

“I got my driver’s license today, Luke. Just like we talked about.” Julie said softly, leaning back onto the headboard of her bed. A tear rolled down her cheek, followed by another one, and another one, until they were flowing freely.

“I drove through the suburbs, and I pictured I was driving home to you.” She said, hoping he could hear her somehow. “I saw the sidewalks we crossed. I still hear your voice in the traffic.” 

She could still see the boys in her room, poking around in her dream box and looking at all her pictures. She could still hear Reggie’s laugh, still see Alex’s pacing, still feel Luke’s hands on her cheeks that last moment before he left her.

“Forever, Luke. You said forever.”

Julie let her head fall to the side as the tears slowed and spotted a familiar notebook next to her dream box. She wiped the last of her tears away, got up off her bed, standing on shaky legs, and got up on her toes to reach it. As Julie walked back to her bed, she opened it, almost scared of what she would see in it.

The songbook was filled to the brim; songs, poems, and miscellaneous thoughts, lyrics, and melody snippets. Julie’s smile grew every time she came across a Julie and the Phantoms song or Trevor Wilson song, but when she got to the most recent page, her smile fell.

It wasn’t a full song. It was just a title, melody, and a few lyrics, but she swore her heart stopped when she read what was scrawled across the top of the page in what was unmistakably Luke’s handwriting.

My Star.

It’s what he used to call her. A star. His star.

She sat there, holding that journal in shock, for what felt like centuries, before her brother’s voice sliced through her thoughts.

“Julie!” Carlos called from downstairs.

“Yeah?” Julie yelled back after a moment.

“Dinner!” Her little brother responded.

“Okay! Be there in a sec’!” Julie said before going back to the songbook.

She looked at that title again, needing to know it was real. Once Julie could confirm she wasn’t seeing what she wanted, she scrambled to read the few lyrics he had written, desperate to feel like he was still there. “I know we’re not perfect but I’ve never felt this way for no one. And I just can’t imagine how I’ll be okay once I’m gone.” Twenty-six words. He had written a measly twenty-six words, but it was more than she needed. Julie fumbled around on her bedside table for a pencil, the lyrics flowing from her like water in a stream. All she had to do was imagine his face, his eyes, his smile, the way he acted with the other boys, and she was filled with inspiration. Julie remembered the looks they shared while performing, the way she felt after he came to visit her at school, the way she felt that night outside the café and soon she had a new song. 

It was a sad song, a heartbroken song, but it was the last song she’d ever write with Luke. Her Luke.

Even when he was gone they made each other better.

[bookofjudith]

7, 18, and 22 for the fic asks (babe drop ur writing playlists...)

oh? whats that? an excuse to drop my playlists? 

7. What element of writing do you struggle with most?

i. hate. action. i zone out if theres extended action sequences in shows or movies. it is simply Not My Thing (tm). give me emotional turmoil over a fistfight ANY day.

18. Wildest fic you’ve ever written?

i hate that im even saying this. i apologize in advance that u have to read it. BUT when i was a wee high school sophomore i wrote a hamilton fic that took the concept of “the bullet” ie death, anthropomorphized it, wrote a fic where hamilton is haunted by a specter of death his entire life, and interspersed fragments of Sonnet X by John Dunne into it. ngl, if it wasnt for the subject matter id be damned proud of little 15 y/o me for writing something as experimental and new to me as that! 

22. Do you listen to anything while you write?

did someone say writing playlists???

instrumental study, used for everything from writing essays to drawing to ignoring the yells of my siblings. dont be fooled by the length of this playlist. all i listen to is rey’s theme (lofi), the entire pride and prejudice soundtrack, and anything played by my lord and savior yo yo ma. 

songs 2 dissociate 2, prime music for 2 am and driving on a back road. or, u know, writing desperately sad angst. featuring beach house. more beach house. sufjan stevens. and then more beach house. 

D.A.R.E to fistfight god, which functions as both my religious trauma playlist and every single song i think fits edward elric my beloved <3. click if u want iron and wine, my chemical romance, mother mother, and an unholy amount of cage the elephant. 

flo (milli shit), FLORENCE WELCH THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. i have exclusively been listening to florence + the machine for like three weeks now. songs on repeat include Ship to Wreck, Delilah, No Choir, 100 Years (as always), What the Water Gave Me, and Which Witch

beware the ides of march, which is my vibes playlist for my “lovers to enemies” tragedy that exists solely in my head. anyone for mitski and hozier? 

[clumsyclifford]

just finished writing this and realized how long it got oh jeez i am so sorry. i promise it is just me rambling about nothing and does not require a lot of thought.

i made a playlist of r5's entire discography and am listening to it (in order) because there is something wrong with me. if only it had their very first ever ep on it (ready set rock ep you may have been slight garbage but i don't love you any less for it). oh god i realized i fucked up and didn't add the songs by "ross lynch and r5" from the austin & ally soundtrack. i'm already three songs into louder and they would have been between louder and say you'll stay. what do i have to do is actually one of r5's best songs and i'm pretty sure i remember ross calling it one of his favs fairly recently?? which was so valid of him. anyways. this is now an r5 song ranking. i'm bored and avoiding doing assignments. i'm going to name my top 10 r5 songs off the top of my head. source: me trying to remember every song they've ever released.

no. 1: easy love. nothing comes close. my fav song they ever made. they haven't made anything that even compares since (this is /hj. tde has some valid songs).

no. 2: wishing i was 23. what do you mean i only love this song because of my nostalgia bias no i don't.

no. 3: what do i have to do? i will not elaborate i do not know why i adore this song as much as i do it's just a cute song.

no. 4: repeating days. THE END. THE FUCKING END AFTER THE SONG ENDS THE "all i've got is cheap wine" PART ross sounds so vulnerable and him with just the guitar makes me so :(((((( it's so gorgeous that part makes the whole song and that makes it top 3 for me.

no. 5: i want u bad. THAT SONG FUCKS LIVE. I DO NOT WANT TO THINK ABOUT THE FACT THAT I WILL PROBABLY NEVER SEE IT LIVE AGAIN. (speaking of concerts i can't believe you bought concert tix and fucking forgot??? that is actually so fucking funny bella it made me laugh i will not lie)

no. 6: dark side. so so valid of them. it just fucks. it's so good. it makes u want to dance. u named a fic after a lyric from it which was so valid.

no. 7: did you have your fun? i love this song. no i will not elaborate. it is a sexy song. what's that one lyric from it that's hot. "love me, leave me, left me numb" some lyrics you love for no particular reason and for me that's one of those lyrics.

no. 8: f.e.e.l.g.o.o.d. this has alwayysss been one of my favs by them. since it dropped. some lore about it: the like crowd yelling that's in it they recorded live at a festival they played and i remember there being hype about this being an unreleased song when they had the crowd chanting "f-e-e-l-g-o-o-d" with no explanation. also another fun fact is that the final version of this is just a demo?? source: my slightly faulty memory remembering ross saying something about some demos being so good that you keep them as they are and it later being revealed this was the song he was talking about.

no. 9: i know you got away. sexy song. they released a vocals only version of it (that has apparently since been deleted?? i went to look for it on youtube and couldn't find it?? wtf r5) that has stuck with me ever since.

no. 10: loud. but more specifically the acoustic or live version. this was their encore song that they played to end every show. i MISS IT. it holds a special place in my heart.

honorable mentions: hurts good (a good song and THEIR LAST THEY EVER RELEASED VV SAD), wild hearts (fun fact almost picked a lyric from this song as my senior quote till i found out they didn't write this song), fallin' for you (YOU LIKE MISMATCHED SOCKS WITH POLKA DOTS YOU LIKE YOUR PIZZA COLD I THINK THATS HOT i never saw this song live and i'm still fucking pissed about it ok), do it again (it's such a sweet song :(((( "listen to the airplanes as we count the stars" gives me the same vibes as six feet under the stars), things are looking up (generally just a cute song!! this whole ep is just very good and very cute!! when i saw it live one time during the bridge ross was like "everyone shut up this is my favorite part >:(" and that was so valid of him) i can't say i'm in love (it's just a fun song!! it was a bonus track on sln from another country), trading time (this is the only song from the new addictions ep that i listed and u know what i'm Not sorry)

ok. i will spare you and stop rambling. other honorable mentions: if you have never listened to cool girl (feat. the driver era) by new beat fund i highly recommend. it's an okay song but it was one of the first songs released after they rebranded as tde and includes ross saying motherfucker with his whole chest. i will never again feel what i felt the first time i heard that song having listened exclusively to them as r5 whose songs they couldn't curse in because they were on a disney label.

in conclusion. i miss r5. ross saying fuck is kinda hot. i listened to the entirety of louder while writing this. i am sorry to dump this in your askbox. i still have multiple assignments to do and should probably go to sleep at a decent time. it feels fitting to finally stop writing while easy love is on. when i was 12 and this ep came out i thought "dirtbags" was a curse word and was scared to sing it. they changed it to "douchebags" live.

that's all. goodbye. have a lovely night. listen to r5's discography for clear skin thriving crops etc etc. sorry to lovepost about them in your askbox i only have (1) former r5 mutual that i still talk to (a very interesting but long story. she's the gemini bestie) and she will only lovepost about r5 once in a while. feel free to ignore my ask calling cody bellinger hot i was a different person when i wrote it i am now a changed woman. LOVE YOU MWAH - bella but she misses r5

hi hi im going to answer this with minimal thought because im tired but i dont wanna leave this sitting in my inbox forever but for the record all your r5 opinions are valid. ok lets go

1. easy love slaps ive heard it a couple times over the last few days (it played in the car today while i was driving sam n meghna to the airport) and it does fuck i can see why it's your fave

2. i do not know this song

3. A BOP A WHOLE FUCKIN BOP

4. oh i do love repeating days great choice i would have to hear it a few more times to get it in my head but i remember really liking it when i listened to the album it's on

5. also a banger and i'm glad my concert tickets situation made you laugh it made me laugh too imagine being this useless gldskfjgs

6. DARK SIDE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS GIVE IN TO YOUR DARK SIDE YOUR DARK SIDE IIIIIIIII SEE THE WAY YOU LOOK AT MEEEEE

7. ANOTHER FUCKING BANGER this one is probably among my favorite r5 songs maybe top 5 LOVE ME LEAVE ME LEFT ME NUMB (guitar moment) DID YOU HAVE YOUR FUUUuuuuUUUUUNNNNN i feel the same way about this lyric as you

8. oh shit thats pretty cool i dont know this song tbh i cant remember how it goes i know ive heard it once or twice but. id have to listen to it again so i will keep you posted on that

9. i do not know this one either

10. interesting choice for top ten but i support you, this song fucks and ever since you mentioned it it's been in my subconscious and randomly getting stuck in my head i think i need to listen to it to get it out. it does hit ur right

11. i don't know hurts good or wild hearts or things are looking up or i can't say i'm in love or trading time well enough to say anything about them. but i really like fallin for you it's one of those cheap fun songs but emphasis on fun, and also really like do it again one day ill write a fic based on that song

i have not listened to cool girl i put it on my to listen playlist so hopefully i remember to listen to it soon ill be honest though i dont think im prepared for ross lynch saying motherfucker w his whole chest like i think itll take me out. so. anyway. i hope you got your assignments done. thank you for the r5 lovedump feel free to drop in anytime with more

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

ah yeah, i think quarentine has given people some opportunity to actually just sit with the person they are, rather than be rushing around for the person they want to become. its good you got smth good out of isolation! ah thats great! hope you had fun and ur partner in crime speeds back home so you can get out more hehe.

ah yeah ty, good suggestions.

hmm good point, i was sort of putting it separate to the whole not-sexualising thing, but yeah. mmm yeah i totally agree, some of the enhypen fics/imagines *shudder* and even reading innie stuff is just a bit *icky* cos everyone still thinks of him as our agi ppang. yeah def would be good but sadly this just seems to be the world we live in. :(

ah yes the holy masterlist (not sarc) i have actually read in the rain and gladius maximus before, but ill go look for in class! oooh thats good! character development lol. hmmmm yes champagne problems was the angst to end all angst, that shit hurt. it was actually one of the first of your fics i read and i recall almost crying over the whole thing, it was so heartbreaking, i can see how it almost made you want to drop angst. good that youve allowed yourself some lee-way tho :)

hehe thats so cool. okay here we go, ill try not to be mortally offended (/hj)

cheese - yes same, i liked it but that was all there was, it wasnt a super standout track. it was rlly underwhelming for me but some of the hook is super catchy so there is Redemption (tm) in store for cheese maybe

thunderous - mmm, yeah at first i totally agreed, i think they suffer from too much good music syndrome, that all their other tracks are such fucking bops its hard to stay at that level of perfection. the choreo was beautiful tho and tbh, the track has grown on me since ive been watching all the vids abt it. its my brothers favourite track

domino - YES GODAMMIT IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE TITLE TRACK. the raps, the vocals, the vibes, the fucking domino sound in the back? i would have streamed that shit on repeat. but tbh, as good as it is, it doesnt have that sort of grandness/oomph that skz seems to like in their title tracks so i can see why they chose thunderous (tho domino would have been so good) *sigh*

ssick - yeah same, not my fave track by a long mile, the crowd cheering was a ?strange? choice and the chorus was a bit bare/empty, plus like i mentioned earlier, it was kinda funny to me for some reason but ill still play it if im playing thru the whole album

the view - ahh one of those not like other girls (/j) i honestly think its just a good party song, just a bop to play in the background when nobodys rlly paying much attention. its pretty generic pop music but catchy

sorry, i love you - hehe yeah i thought it was going to be sadder as well, but i rlly loved the fact that they all just got to sing, which almost never happens, i dont think ive heard felix sing for a long time, so i enjoyed it. wasnt rlly a standout track but i just casually like it. looking forward to the fic haha

silent cry - this song i swear, some bits are rlly good and then others are just? why?? it does sound like a dance song tho idk. definitely not one of my faves either

secret secret - YES its so good! its such a chill song and i love their vocals in it. the combination of lo-fi/fake strings backup stuff and their heavenly vocals just makes it *chefs kiss* im listening to it rn and just... its so beautiful. it gives me pumped up another day vibes ya know? like my pace is edgy get cool, this one is energetic another day i feel like. overall i love it

STAR LOST - ah thats so cool! i didnt know that! on first listen this song had a similar vibe to secret secret but then the beat came in and ahh its such a good song. i can totally imagine them putting this song to a concert footage vid, this song is so sweet.

red lights - LMAO YES ITS SO AWKWARD WHY DOES IT GO ON FOR SO LONG ah thats good! yeah good point, its quite intense hehe. but that is my fave trope and this is lowkey my favourite track on the album so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ just the combination of hyunjins and chans voices, the backing music, the lyrics ahh red lights my beloved

surfin’ - yes lmao its always a shock, i feel like they should have put gone away in between them, but its such a fun cute song, i cant get rlly mad. yeah, as an aussie i think im contractually obligated to like beaches lol. sand im not such a fan of, but my familys rlly into fishing and my brother loves bodyboarding so we stay at a beach house at least twice a year and we live like 5 mins from 3 different beaches (hehe all aussie cities are on the coast lol) so thats cool. do you like beaches?

gone away - ah gone away my beloved, i love this song sm, its just so pure and showcases their vocals and lyrics so well. yes the pitch change is very out of the blue, i feel liek they went directly from seungmins soft vocals to hans powerful ones which was an interesting choice, but hey, im not complaining

wolfgang - YES IKR ah im so happy he got to be included in that era and song. yeah its such a full on song i cant rlly listen to it if im in a quiet mood but its very motivating :)

hehe mood, i hope they do! ahhh no rest, but at least you wont have to pull a blink and wait a year for any word from the group lol. im not rlly into nct but im excited for them! ah hopefully youll be able to sneak some rest into that chaotic schedule, with enhypen (idk if u stan but yeah) squeezed into it haha

<3 w.a. 🐺

i wheezed at partner in crime, it reminded me of smth. i have a lee know fic in the drafts that i wrote 'in honor' of him (and his departure-ish). i'll tag you when i finish it, if you want. it's a rather hilarious one.

oh my god. based on my experience on the collabs i've joined before, writing explicit shit for '01 & '02 is not accepted (nct's maknaes) but with enha's hyung line '01 & '02 somehow it's okay? i do a double take every time i see fics like those i mean, technically, it's legal but still what the fuck. maybe it's just not for me at the moment. not at us venting our frustration about this. it's just something that's so accepted here that i am (in all honesty) slightly uncomfortable about. but oh well. that's kpop writerblr for you.

man i could've linked all the fics in the ask instead so you wouldn't have to go looking for them! i think i saw you like in class the other day (the fic i renamed into sharp-tongued, god it took me a while to remember the new title). describing champagne problems as an angst to end all angst is one way to put what i was feeling back in december. it just hurt to write and admit?? if that ever happened to me i would prolly cry :d

okay back to the album talk! i love how you answered with more thoughts. i love exchanges like these! i am a victim of the cheese hook and it's now one of my favorite tracks in the album. PLS, TOO MUCH GOOD MUSIC SYNDROME. that's on our self-producing kings 😌💅 also, your brother has taste! as i am typing this, domino's currently playing in my head and i realized that too, that it doesn't have that 'vibe' of a skz title track. honestly, this could be a title track of another group. ssick is starting to grown on me because i found the beats cool kdjsk not the not like other girls 😭 the view is the generic pop that i don't like but i get why a lot of people enjoy it. sorry i love you scratches a certain itch that i find myself singing the first few lines every time i remember it. i too would want to hear felix sing more!

> a mini junction on the album talk bc i got side tracked. on that topic, i want skz to switch positions at some point like i know those allrounders are capable of doing so. specifically, i want to hear seungmin rap!!!! (yk in the recent weekly idol he talked faster than changbin in a challenge and changbin is like the fastest rapper in kpop that's active atm if im not mistaken. my dandy boy has some potential and i want it UNLEASHED.)

back to album talk. silent cry is basically sad music to twerk to. secret secret is definitely one of my favorite tracks :( i loved how you compared the tracks HAJSAH i burst out laughing bc yk what, you're right! i want to make a star lost edit of skz but i simply do not have the time i want to cry. i love the song so much. ok, my dreaded track, red lights. idt i have played the track since we last talked. my friend sent me the lyrics tho and i'm itching to write a twisted au out of it. idk if you're comfortable with yandere but somewhere along those themes. the obsessive type of love that's sweet at first but turns rotten. IMAGINE IF THEY PUT GONE AWAY BETWEEN ASHJA it's like going from 50 shades to the notebook.

i was about to ask if you lived near the coast and you literally mentions it here god im so stupid. yes i LOOOOOOOOOVE beaches so much. living in an archipelago is fun :( i live in a part of the country that's more island than city so every time i want some vitamin sea it's accessible. i heard the waves in australia are great :( anYWHOOO gone away :(( every time it plays im compelled to skip it because it makes me sAD AND NOWADAYS I DONT HAVE THE TIME TO BE SAD. contrary to you, i dislike my quiet moods because i tend to overthink a lot.

i have this little analogy about how there are stays that enjoy songs the generic pop + mellow songs and then there are other stays that enjoy the noisy tracks. in my mind, it's like a perfect balance that makes me feel like all the tracks are loved in the end. just by different people.

PULL A BLINK. bro i fucking hate yg entertainment. they have the biggest kpop girl group LOCKED in their basement when they could be (and i mean this in the most business-like way not morally) milking money of the quad. they're yg's biggest hope at not being bankrupt atm so it's a damn fucking mystery to me as to how they aren't doing anything. (jk i just realized lisa solo album soon, but i still need a ot4 cb hELLO)

i stopped looking forward to the teasers. rest > kpop boys. i don't want to sound like a cult member but have you tried checking out nct? are they just not your thing? (i get it tho, that's one hard group to get into). and yes i do stan enhypen!

wow i love how long these asks are! they're like online penpals. but i also want to ask about you! how have you been lately? are you feeling okay both mentally and physically? how's the weather there? do you have anything that you want to talk about? maybe an interesting book you read? feel free to bring up anything you want to share! i'm getting conscious about talking about myself HAJHSJ

and yet another long answer B) i am sooo sorry T___T should these ask exchanges feel draining to you, feel free to stop sending them in AAAA

[star-puff]

before i begin, i would like to say that the fic would be featured on my spotify wrapped if it was a song i would listen to it on repeat u have outdone urself this time but im not even surprised anymore. it’s legit disrespectful how well u write at this point..

now i will scream. first of all. “No matter how lowly you think of me”—he opens his mouth to protest, but you barrel on without pause—”I’m not fucking stupid, Oikawa.” BITCH U GOOD? everything fine where u are???? i think im about to forget things so ill spill it all out ok u know the dread that filled me as i slowly approached the last part i looked like that tiktok trend where u were shaking ur head about to go insanw that wwas me i was abt to get violent at 2:07 am what in the actual fuck was that meg i cant believe i /!&3 u took it and u didnt hesitate and u didnt hold back u rlly did me in good idk how u execute so properly (execute hehe i hate u i hate me) this is better than all the twilight books combined and i say this as a person who owns a twilight blanket in spirit im about to go mad U KNOW WHEN I TOLD U I HAD AN INKLING ABT WHO WAS [redacted] TURNS OUT I WAS RIGHT . i want a spinoff of the spinoff im being downright demanding but idk but what did tooru do to u u straight up maimed his character emotionally LET HIM BREATHE u write him so prefectly why does anyone else EVEN BOTHER ESP THE UGLY UGLY UGLY PART her ghost staying w him and him being ANGRY like let him rest OK IM ANGRY AND IM NOT IN LOVE W YN THE FUCK BITCH ALSO FUCK I WANTED A TENDOU REFERENCE BUT NOT THAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DID I JUST READ 🧍🏻‍♀️

FHALSKSLDKFSDF please i’ve been laughing over this ask all day the pure emotion in this 😭😭😭 ok before i go under the cut i just want to say that speaking of spotify, i do have a spotify playlist for this fic and the main one is arms tonite by mother mother <3

OK SO BASICALLY . i think we all know that i am indeed Not okay, why else do you think this fic got finished in the first place JSDFLKSDFJ but in any case i’m glad i could Execute it well and now it is out of my mind and into the void forever <3

girl when you told me your inkling about who got [redacted] I WAS LAUGHING MY ASS OFF CAUSE I’D ALREADY PLANNED IT AT THIS POINT HSDFLKDJS and while i am decidedly Not a twilight fan the fact that the comparison was made from a diehard twilight fan is [hug emoji x3]. i think the spinoff of the spinoff might happen it just might it’ll be like a short fic, only one Scene probably but it’ll encompass the conclusion of both atwhf!reader and oikawa’s character journey, and how they both play a part in finding their individual catharsis [hug emoji]

AND HHHHHHHH bitch characterization compliments literally turn me into a pile of goo how dare you 🔪 “why does anyone else even bother” stfu i’m going to Kiss you and Cry. and ok i Told you that it was just going to be Sad and Angry Oikawa for the entirety of the fic should you even be surprised at this point </3 and i think you’re right i literally never give mister tooru oikawa a break. him and tsukki, my angst ride-or-dies <3 i just its very easy to access That Part of his character,, there’s so much to explore i think . it can very easily be molded to fit other narratives . ALSO IS THIS YN SLANDER JDSFLSD i quite personally like this yn. i mean she plays more as a motivation and plot device than anything else since this is an Oikawa-Centric story, but you know. vibes . i think she provides a very good Lost Lenore trope for him <3 but honestly i think he would have gone insane Without her ghost haunting him because quite frankly he’s Very Alone, and at the very least if he can’t feel her warmth anymore, he can at least hear her voice </3

 but yeah . rip tendou :”) he will be missed, even if he caused the massacre of karasuno <//3

[jewlsiverse]

Gran Vals

im usually not one to post my fics cause idk i’m scared i guess, but I was hit hard by the inspiration bug so heres a quick drabble i did last night while i should have been writing a reflection essay:

Marinette stepped out onto her apartment balcony, breathing in the crisp fall air of the Parisian night. She adjusted the easel and canvas tucked underneath her arm before walking to the edge to set up for the night. Her professor had assigned their class to choose a song, play it on repeat for an hour in a quiet place, and just paint. Whatever came to mind, whatever they felt inspired to. It was to be their best piece yet. 

With her other classes, commissioning clothes for her clients, and patrols as Ladybug, Marinette hadn’t been able to find an hour to spare. But tonight (the day before it was due, of course), she had called off patrol with Chat Noir, the balcony sparkled with the light reflected on the rain drops left from earlier that day, and Paris was all but quiet except for the occasional car passing by and splashing puddles along the street. It was almost magical. 

Scrolling through her phone, Marinette searched for the song that would inspire her masterpiece. After playing what felt like every song on Spotify, she finally decided she just had to pick one and get this over with. Setting her speakers to full volume, she slid her phone into her back pocket and picked up her favorite paint brush and palette. 

And...nothing. Marinette stood still for what felt like twenty minutes listening to the same song over and over again, but was not feeling the masterpiece level inspiration she was supposed to be. With an exasperated huff, she scrunched her eyes closed and hoped that somehow that might help. 

“Balleto. I didn’t know you liked Ponce.” Marinette dropped her brush and turned around gasping. 

“Jesus, Chat Noir. Don’t sneak up on me like that!” 

“Sorry,” he chuckled. Chat stood, grinning at her with his head cocked slightly to the side. “You didn’t answer my question.”

“You didn’t ask one,” Marinette countered smiling at him slightly. “But I don’t really. I just have to do this stupid assignment. I have to listen to one song on repeat for an hour and paint whatever I feel inspired to.”

“And how’s it going?” He teased cheekily.

Her shoulders dropped and her fell to her brush soaking up the rain water. “Not well. I’m really struggling to find inspiration here.”

Two steel covered toes entered her field of vision as a gloved hand settled on her shoulder gently. Marinette looked up into his green-eyed gaze, soft with sympathy but full of conviction. “Princess, you’re one of the most talented people I know. You are not struggling. We just need to find you a better song.”

Chat leaned in slightly with that smile on his face that makes her forget how to breath sometimes and slid his hand down her arm to the small of her back. Ever so gently, he pulled her close and Marinette had definitely forgotten how to breath now. Too soon he plucked her phone out of her back pocket and stepped back. Marinette blinked slowly and willed the heat on her cheeks to disappear. 

The soft twangs of a guitar’s strings being plucked floated through the air ever so beautifully. Light and happy, yet with a tinge of yearning like a wish on a star or the petals of a dandelion blown into the breeze. “It’s beautiful,” Marinette whispered, afraid of ruining the spell of the song. 

“It’s Francisco Tárrega’s Gran Vals. My mother used to play it for me when I was little.” Chat looked past her into the night, a sad smile gracing his lips. Marinette slowly reached for his cheek, hoping to wipe the sorrow from his face. He shook his head, a grin stretching across his mouth without reaching his eyes and she dropped her hand to fidget with her shirt instead.  

He bent down to grab her brush and held it and her phone out between them. She took both, searching his face for answers he wasn’t ready to give. “Good luck on your project, princess. I hope I was able to help.” Before he could doubt himself, he grabbed both her shoulders, kissed the top of her forehead, and disappeared into the night. 

Marinette stood still, her heart fluttering restlessly like the notes of the song completing the night. After a moment, she turned around and started to paint. 

[thefutureduchessmarie]

21 Questions

I was tagged by @carmenonmonday (Thanks by the way. It was very sweet of you to tag me)

1. Gender - Female

2. Height - 168 cm

3. Zodiac - Pisces

4. Last Movie I Saw - “Shoplifters” Its probably not everyone’s cup of tea, but I highly recommend. Its heartwarming in a very strange way

5. Favourite musician - Im really bad at answering “fav anything” questions, because I change my mind like 5 times a day. But Im in a strong Artic Monkeys fase, so lets go with that. Oh, and Beyonce because she’s the Queen of the Fucking World 

6. Favourite Actor - Again, really bad at the whole favorite thing, but I love Marion Cotillard and she was the first one that came to my mind. 

7. Favourite fanfiction - I swear its not because she tagged me, but @carmenonmonday‘s Merci Verse is unbelievably good, as well as we've got younger faces than our hearts are letting on  (I actually don’t know which story I prefer, tbh). She just writes the characters so well and really takes you on a journey where you’ll feel every emotion possible. 

In This World Of Ours by @dierdele​ (I mean, its impossible to ship Eric and Dele and NOT love this fic sorry, I dont make the rules)

Special mention to the Souls on Fire / GeneratioNext Verse. I didn’t really follow German football until I started reading this, but I was completely hooked by this complex, huuuuge verse. If you love family fics as much as I do, then you can’t miss this one (Steno and their twins are the best).

Also loved Can't Help Falling In Love With You  and @clarespace​ does established / canon-compliant really, really well in that’s life, innit? 

8. Favourite Movie - “Moulin Rouge”. There are better movies out there; stories that moved me more, really made me think etc, but this is my comfort movie. I’ve watched it a million times and I know I’ll watch it a million times more 

9. Favourite anime - Sorry, not my thing :/

10. Play an instrument? Sadly no. Im super uncoordinated and have zero sense of rhythm 

11. Random Fact? I once won a contest where I got to go on the pitch during half-time of my team’s game (Sporting CP), meet the mascot, try (and fail miserably) to score a penalty only to receive a watch in the end. It was wild and awesome, specially cause I loved, loved, loved meeting our Mascot. He’s the best (Google “Jubas” and you’ll see what I mean)

12. Lucky number - I don’t really have one. Im not superstitious at all

13. Do you get Asks? Not really. But Im not super active in here, so It’s to be expected (its always a pleasant surprise when I get tagged in this things, though)

14. Favourite fandoms - I know its weird and it makes zero sense, because the two couldn’t be further apart but: Football and Royalty 

15. Favourite Song? Again, it changes constantly - but It’s Quiet Uptown, from Hamilton, is one of the most beautifully sad things Ive ever heard and always manages to touch my heart (and Im watching Hamilton this summer, so the entire soundtrack has been on repeat lately)

16. What am I wearing? Pijamas 

17. Hair Colour - Ginger (im naturally a brunette, but that was just a genetic mistake - I should have been born a ginger, so I’ve been dying my hair for years)

18. Eye Colour - Brown.

19. Hobbies - watching sports and suffering, obviously - mostly football, but also tennis or anything where Sporting CP has a team; photography; cooking 

20. Favourite weather - Spring 

21. Favourite superhero - Im really don’t like superheroes, sorry (but if it helps, I saw a few Spiderman movies with my friends, back when I was in high school, and didn’t completely hate it) I tag @category-5-harry-kane​ and @norwegianroyalfamily

[spideeysense]

Bathroom Feelings

Peter x Reader

A/N: Man I had fucking good time writing this! I know the title isn’t really enticing but i tried :P. Im sorry im absolute shit at titles. BYOB means “Bring your own booze”  I linked the song I was listening to in the fic. Hope you all enjoy!! <3 -Bean. EDIT: So for some reason when i put this on tumblr the format got messed up. I went back and italicized anything that should be, however I might’ve missed one or two! Who do you want to see me write for next? Request!

Warnings: Swearing, Angst, Lots of crying from both Peter and Y/N. Underage drinking. If you squint really hard theres some light smut, its more like making out.

Summary: Peter and the Reader have been best friends since high-school, and Y/N had hoped for it to become something more, and it almost did. But junior year Peter changed, and they have drifted apart ever since. It’s halfway through senior year, and Peter and Reader run into each other at party..in the bathroom?

It all started junior year. Peter became more extroverted, he put effort into making more friends, and became more muscular, more attractive. Ned, M.J and Y/N knew he was drifting away when he blew them off to hang out with the more popular kids. At first it was just every other week, then it became every Friday, and soon enough Peter just stopped hanging out with them at all. Y/N knew he was gone when he stopped eating lunch with them, which had been the most consistent contact they had with him until he stopped. It was harsh, so so harsh, it was the slowest kind of burn. Peter dropping out of Y/N’s life without an actual reason hurt like hell. She thought it was because of her, maybe she was too clingy, too needy. Y/N, MJ, and Ned, made a pact to never abandon each other. Sure they had other friends, but they always hung out together, and were basically inseparable.

Tonight, Y/N had decided to go to a party, held by someone named Josh. Ned and MJ were both unavailable, so she decided to go alone and meet up with a few of her other friends there. She pulled her silver 2009 Subaru forester up the crowded driveway of the large, suburban house. The BYOB party was being held outside of the city, in some random suburb she couldn’t quite remember the name of, something like Summerwood. She pulled the keys out of the ignition and let out a long breath. This wasn’t her first rodeo, but it was weird not going with Ned or MJ. Y/N reached behind the drivers seat, and pulled out two six packs of beer, which she had gotten from her fridge. Y/N stepped out of the car, one pack of beer in each hand. She approached the large grey house, she nawed on her bottom lip nervously as she got closer to the door. She reached the open door, and was about to enter but she was stopped by an outstretched arm.

“Booze control, I need to check your hands.” A guy said, Y/N recognized him as Jackson, another senior in her Materials Science class. She lifted both her hands, showing Jackson the packs of beer. “Alright, go put it on the counter.” He said nonchalantly, pointing towards the kitchen. Y/N nodded and entered the house. The music was deafeningly loud, it made her heart jump in her stomach. She approached the kitchen and placed the two six-packs on the marble counter. She grabbed a red solo cup, a symbol of american high school parties and poured beer into it. The amber liquid sloshed around as she moved into the living room, the music came from all around her, and students across grades were huddled together. She spotted Flash doing a keg stand, with the help of Peter who was holding his feet up. Around him people were counting, 21, 22, 23, 24. Y/N stared at Peter, who locked eyes with her, his smile faltered a bit, Y/N’s breath caught in her throat and she turned and left the room quickly. Peter who had despised Flash so much, was now supporting him. Obviously not in the way one would think, but it still hurt. Seeing Peter and Flash brought back a force of memories from the back of her brain.

“Hey Peter!” Y/N greeted her friend excitedly, her heart was thumping in her chest. She hoped he couldn’t hear her excitement. “Hey Y/N,” Peter said, his voice wasn’t as enthusiastic as hers, but she brushed it off. Peter shuffled through his locked, looking for his binder. “What’s up?” He mumbled. “I was thinking,” Y/N started, toying with the strings of her hoodie, “I got the new Battlefront, and my mom got Ben and Jerry’s, the one with the fudge batter in the middle, and I was thinking maybe you’d like to come over and hang out?”

Peter hesitated for a bit before speaking, his eyes never leaving his locker. “When would that be?” He asked a bit harshly for Y/N’s liking. “Uhm- Friday, after school” She said quietly, stuffing her hands in her pocket. Peter turned and looked at her, his hand went to the back of his neck and he rubbed it nervously. “Listen Y/N, I’m like super busy this weekend, and I’m not really into that anymore.” He confessed, his eyes avoiding hers. Y/N’s heart sank at his words, but she swallowed her sadness and nodded. She showed him a fake smile. “That’s fine,” Her voice came out weaker than she thought it would and her cheeks turned pink in embarrassment. “Peter!” A male voice called out. Peter turned around a smiled. Flash jogged towards the two and clapped him on the back. “You ready?” Flash asked. “Yep, let’s get going.” Peter affirmed and he shut his locker with a loud slam. Peter and Flash walked away, without even say a simple bye to Y/N. She turned and looked helplessly at her distant friend.

Y/N found her way outside. The backyard was just as lively as inside. The grass was littered with red cups and bottles. She spotted her friend Alyssa who had vibrant purple hair. “Hey Alyssa,” Y/N said as she approached the girl.

“Heyy Y/N!” Alyssa said excitedly, “Want to join our Beer Pong game?” She asked enthusiastically and motioned for Y/N to come over. Y/N nodded, a smile on her face. The time passed, she forgot about Peter and the keg stand, and she found herself downing more and getting more and more tipsy. “Hey Alyssa, Ima gonna go to the bathroom” Y/N stated, grabbed a half filled cup and headed back into the house, almost hitting the sliding glass door on her way in. During the time she was gone, the party seemed to have gotten more crowded. Fluorescent Adolescent by the Arctic Monkeys was playing loudly, and she found herself swaying to song. She needed to find a bathroom to re energize, maybe flash her face with cold water. Y/N wandered down a long hallway and kept opening random doors hoping to the find the bathroom. She swung open a door and almost dropped her drink at what she saw. Two people in the back of bathroom were basically on top of each other. They were kissing in a fast and sloppy way, and the girls exposed legs were around the guys hips. Y/N couldn’t see who she was kissing, since her head was blocking the view. The guy that was being kissed looked away and spotted Y/N. She locked eyes with him and realized it was Peter. “Oh my god!” Y/N shrieked, she looked away and winced, “I’m so sorry, I- you guys should’ve locked the door!”

Peter pushed the girl off of him, and the girl turned around and looked disgusted. “How long have you been watching?” The brunette yelled as she gathered her things. “I swear, i just walked in, I’m so so sorry” Y/N babbled. The brunette picked up her abandoned cup and threw it on Y/N, spilling its contents on Y/N’s face and shirt. “You perv!” She hissed and left the bathroom in a rush. The door behind the brunette closed with a soft clicked. The bathroom was almost silent, besides the trickle of beer from Y/N’s clothes which dripped on the linoleum floor. “I’m sorry.” Y/N whispered as she turned to the sink and turned on the tap water. The air became stiff and awkward. Peter stared at her for a moment before acting. “Here, lemme help.” He murmured and grabbed a coral colored towel off the shelf. He moved towards her but Y/N backed up quickly. “I’m fine.” She said harshly and frowned at herself. Peter froze and placed the towel on the counter. She started dabbing the towel on her shirt, and hoped for the best. He moved towards the door to leave but Y/N stopped him. “Peter wait.” She said softly. Peter stopped and looked at her. “What happened between us?” She asked, her voice raspy and fragile, as if it were about to break.

“What do you mean?” Peter questioned.

“What do I mean?” Y/N repeated. “Peter you left! You just completely cut us out of your life!” She cursed.

“I wanted to branch out! What’s wrong with that?” Peter argued, getting closer to her.

“There’s nothing wrong with! I just-” Suddenly she broke down, she wasn’t used to confrontation, in her mind this talk was supposed to happen differently. “I thought you hated me, you blew us off to hang out with Flash and his friends! Of all people!” She let out a sob. Peter was silent, unsure of what to say or how to react.

“We were a team! And you just left us behind in the dust like we were trash!” Y/N yelled, as her sadness and anger mixed and boiled inside of her. She flung her hands up in the air. “What kind of person does that to his friends!” She croaked as the dams flung open, fat tears rushed down her face, and she slid down onto the floor. Y/N placed her head in her hands. She felt vulnerable, embarrassed, angry, sad, all at once. What the fuck did I just do. She let out a frustrated groan as she fumbled with her wet shirt. This whole situation is fucked up. Y/N was 100% sure Peter was just going to leave her in a pool of her own sadness. Instead he sat down on the edge of the tub. He pulled off his denim jacket and handed it down to her, when she didn’t react, he placed it gingerly on her knees.

“I’m sorry Y/N I didn’t know you felt that way.” Peter said, the words left his lips effortlessly. Why did it feel like he didn’t care?

Y/N looked up at him for a short second, her face twisted into disgust. “I’m sorry Y/N I didn’t realize you felt that way, It’s not like I abandoned my best friends who I’ve known forever for people who used to call me Penis” Y/N mimicked. Peter looked baffled. “You know Peter, you need to get your priorities straight.” she spat. Y/N stood up quickly, which made her dizzy and she swayed on her feet. The denim jacket fell to the floor with a muffled thump. Peter reached out and caught her by the arms, Y/N forced herself out of his grip. “I’m going home.” Y/N said as she left the bathroom and into the crowded party.

“Y/N wait!” Peter called after her, he squeezed his way through the crowd.

Y/N left the house and the cold, outside air hit her like brick. A shiver ran down her spine. “Y/N you can’t drive, you’ve had to much!” She heard Peter call out from behind her.

“Bullshit Peter! Like you haven’t had anything!” Y/N bit back, she jammed her key into the lock, and missed a few times, but on the third time it slid in. “Let me drive you home. We can talk.” Peter suggested, his denim jacket slung over his shoulder. His chestnut curls were tousled, and his cheeks were a light pink. “I’m not letting a drunk drive me home!” Y/N explained loudly, her eyes avoided his.

“I’ve barely had anything!” Peter explained. “I swear. Look!” He kept touching his nose with his index finger. This almost drew a smile out of Y/N, but instead she frowned. Everything inside her was telling her to just run, but for some reason, she tossed him the keys. He caught them with ease, and walked over to the drivers side. Y/N moved to the passenger side and slid in. She shut the door and rested her head on the window. Peter started the car with ease, and backed out of the driveway.

(Listen to this while reading the next part if you really want to set the mood)

The car was void of conversation, except for the sound of the windshield wipers brushing off the rain which had started to fall, and the soft voice of Chris Martin which drifted out of the speakers. “Y/N when I said I was sorry, I really was, I really didn’t know you felt that way.” Peter said softly.

“Well that’s how people feel when you abandon them.” She responded, her voice weak from yelling.

“I didn’t abandon-” Peter started before letting out a sigh. “I guess I did.” He said thoughtfully. “So it finally hit you.” Y/N let out, her head still turned away from him.

Peter murmured incoherently. “Flash looked so happy surrounded by all these people, and don’t get me wrong I was so happy with you guys, but I felt like something was missing.” He explained. Y/N stayed silent, unable to come up with anything snarky. “I just thought having more friends could fill this strange void, and soon enough I was surrounded by Flash’s friends and more. I wanted to hang out with you, I really did, I just felt like I had to live up to this social standard.” Peter added, his eyes glancing at you ever so often.

“So we weren’t enough for you Peter? I wasn’t enough for you?” Y/N snapped back.

“I just wanted more friends! More connections! We were only four!” Peter argued in his defense.

“Well maybe I should’ve bought you a scale Peter, since it seems like you need to find balance in your life!” Y/N shot at him. Peter let out a small ouch. “I cared about you Pete and more than a friend way, I really did, and maybe I still do! I don’t even know anymore.” She added, again she felt vulnerable, normally she doesn’t spill her guts to people, but it’s Peter. He always had a way to get her to talk. The car was silent again. Peter let out a sigh as he turned down the familiar street which housed your apartment building. He internally groaned as he realized this ride would come to end. He pulled up in front of the building, and shut off the ignition. The rain was falling harder now, and he really dreaded the walk home. Y/N seemed to have noticed the rain too, and against her brain’s conscious she did what her heart told her too.

“You should come in, to get out of this rain.” She suggested softly. Peter looked at her with shock, even when he had fucked up so badly, she still cared. Peter didn’t think twice. “On 3?” He asked and Y/N nodded. “1..2..3!” Both Peter and Y/N bolted out of the car, they ran towards the apartment building. The rain hit their faces, and soaked their clothes. Y/N pushed open the door and held it for Peter. For a moment, Peter thought he saw a ghost of smile on Y/N’s face.

The elevator ride up to the seventh floor was quiet, both teenagers were standing on opposites side of the elevator. The doors opened with a ding, and they both walked out. Y/N fumbled with her keys when they arrived at the front door, and unlocked the door quietly. “My parents aren’t home so you can be as loud as you want.” Y/N stated nonchalantly. Peter shuffled inside the house, and pulled off his soaking wet shoes, and Y/N did the same. Y/N motioned for him to follow her, and she lead him to her room. “Lemme get you a towel.” She said softly as she left the room and went to the bathroom down the hall. Peter stood in the doorway for a moment, and let the familiar yet intoxicating smell of strawberries fill his nostrils. He stepped into the carpeted room with baby blue walls. Peter noticed it was still the exact same as it was two years ago. Fairy lights strung up above the bed, a few posters on every wall, and the red crate which held Y/N’s favorite records sat in the corner. He realized he missed this room so so much. He let his hands caress the recognizable striped duvet cover, and he sat down on the bed and just let it go. Peter’s hands went to his face to stifle the broken sobs that came out of his mouth.

“Hey, hey, hey” Y/N’s soft voice lilted through his ears. She got on her knees in front of him, and pulled his hands away from his face slowly. “It’s ok,” Y/N shushed as she gathered him in her arms. Peter rested his head on her shoulder, his arms around her back. “God I fucked up so badly.” Peter whispered sadly into her neck. Y/N stayed quiet, her hand caressing his soft curls. “I’m so fucking sorry, I’m sorry I was such a dick to you, and Ned, and Mj.” Peter apologized. “God, I didn’t realized how much I missed this, this place, you,” He confessed, his hands still around her. “P-please forgive me,” He pulled away and looked up at her. His cheeks were pink, and his eyes seem to spill over with tears. At this point Y/N couldn’t help but cry too. She gave him a weak smile.

In the depths of her heart, she realized she still loved him, and now she had the chance to have him back in her life. She wiped away at his tears with her thumbs, and looked away for a moment. Y/N gave him a slow nod. “Ok.” She whispered, “But you can’t blow us off again. Balance Pete.” She explained. When she turned to look at him again, they were just inches apart, their noses barely touching. He placed a soft hand on her cheek, his thumb stroking her upper cheek. “Thank you,” He said quietly. Y/N’s heart was beating right out of her chest. Heavy butterflies seemed to have been unleashed in her stomach, and her cheeks tinged pink.

She was expecting Peter to pull away, stand up and start drying himself off with the towel, but instead the two stayed in that position for a few moments. A comfortable silence had fallen between them. “Can I kiss you?” Peter asked in a hushed voice. Y/N’s breath got caught in her throat and she found herself speechless. She nodded slowly, and before she knew it Peter was kissing her. It was soft, tender, and it seemed to communicate what they were both feeling. His hands held her face gently, not wanting it to go to fast. Peter pulled away too soon for Y/N’s liking, he removed his hands from her face, and took her hand in his.

A smile appeared on Peter’s face, and he looked away in embarrassment. “God I’ve wanted to do that for a long time.” He said softly. “Well you had your chance at the Winter Ball, but you didn’t show.” Y/N said with a small smile and a roll of her eyes. Peter’s face fell again. “I’m so sorry Y/N, I fucked up. How can I make up to you?” He asked. “Wanna eat Ben and Jerry’s while playing Battlefront? And maybe you can stay the night if you want” Y/N suggested with a smile. Peter grinned, “That sounds like a blast.”

[hqrbinger]

SPOTIFY WRAPPED ASK #2 MUAHAHA !!!!!!

90 - 100 !! (AS IN 90 THROUGH 100)

AND ALSO 1 - 10 !!

sorry if this is rlly long WKKXKWKD YOU DONT HAVE TO ANSWER IF U DONT WANT TO !!!!!! AS ALWAYS ILY MWAHHHH <333

HELLO AGAIN LOML !!! KAJHKJSDFDSF TY FOR ASKING FOR SO MANY IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY 😭😭 i got a lil excited and rambled abt too many songs and it got SO LONG IM SORRY DFKJHSFDDF so utc <33 ILYSM QUILL TYSMMSMS <33

1- comfort crowd ; conan gray

so uh... this is my favorite song of all time !!! and i listened to it almost 2,000 times this year SKJHSKSJDFLSFGHD (1,945 times to be exact ty spotify wrapped) it is my comfort song and i love it with my entire heart

2- rom-com gone wrong ; matt maltese

this song makes me so sad..... but then again most matt maltese songs make me sad KSDFJH i have yet to write angst to this but it is on my list !! i had this and the whole krystal album on repeat last winter for like a month straight which is why theyre so high up KJSDFHSFDKLS

3- krystal ; matt maltese

another one to write angst or really sappy hurt/comfort to, god this song makes me feel some typa way for REAL crying screaming sobbing head in hands

4- the night we met ; lord huron

AHHH SUCH A ROMANTICALLY SAD SONG <333 this song has one of my favorite lyrics in it and every time i hear it i am banging my fist on the table GOD ( "i had all and then most of you, some and now none of you" ) i once walked through the woods behind my house while it was pouring rain while this song was on loop and i think i ascended that day

5- people watching ; conan gray

is it possible to kin a song ??? KJHSDKJSDF ok but when i first heard this song i was obsessed w it i listened to it for like 36 hours straight i dont wanna talk abt it LMFAOOA

6- curl up and die ; matt maltese

ok this song is so sad i just i can't listen to it anymore bc it reminds me of a rlly shitty time i was having last year and i listened to it on repeat but if u are looking for a very sad song !!! this is it !! LMFAOAOA

7- young ; vacations

AHHHH THIS SONG I LOVE THIS SONG SM !!! its one of ym favorites idk i just the vibes ?? there. another song i blast at full volume while driving SDFJKHFS

8- vas ; jagger finn

THIS IS ONLY HERE BC I LISTENED TO IT FOR SO LONG WHILE WRITING A KAZUHA FIC LIKE 3 MONTHS AGO HAJKAHKLSD its good dont get me wrong but i am looking away from it now i am SICK OF U

9- wish you'd ask me ; matt maltese

another victim from my krystal binging moment... this one's okay its just another gut-wrenchingly sad song SKJHSDF

10- last words of a shooting star ; mitski

...why are my top 10 songs so SAD WHAT LMFAO I SWEAR IM OKAY JAJKHSD i love mitski tho <33 vv good

ok god curse shut the hell up challenge LMAOAOA HERE'S 90-100 TOO MWUAH

90- astronomy ; conan gray

this is one of those songs where i popped my airpods in and turned the volume up too high and layed flat on my back on my bed at 4 am and stared at the ceiling wishing i could be in love yktv

91- dissolve ; absofacto

god I WAS SO OBSESSED W THIS SONG IN SUMMER 2019 BC OF TIKTOK but its actually such a banger and i still love it VERY much its such a cute song

92- kyoto ; phoebe bridgers

THIS ALBUM IS ONE OF MY FAVORITES AND I LOVE PHOEBE BRIDGERS this song brings me back to like december of last year and i love it sm

93- angela ; flower face

honestly i did not remember this song at all until i listened to it and damn.... ow ???? what playlist ru from ?? i wanna go lay in the snow and think abt the world listening to this

94- don't panic ; coldplay

omg this song ;;; this brings me back to my childhood when my mom would be driving my sister and i to the swimming pool and we would ask her to play the pool song and she'd play this song SDKJHSDFS i loved this song 12 years ago and i still love it now

95- sparks ; coldplay

ANOTHER SONG THAT MAKES ME WONDER IF ITS POSSIBLE TO KIN MUSIC HAJKAHKJAHF this song makes me <333 I LOVE IT SM

96- affluenza ; conan gray

i LOVE this song bc it makes me think of the idiots i live by <33 SKJHFS JOKES but i love screaming the lyrics to this one too <33 can anyone tell that im a conan gray stan yet

97- glitter ; benee

BENEE OMG I LOVE HER SM <333 sometimes i still can't believe i got to see her live I LOVE HER MUSIC SMSMMSS <33 ITS SUCH A VIBE

98- dream girl ; crisaunt

this song is so precious like ;;; when will someone hear this song and think of me huh ???? @god WHEN ??💥💳💥💳💥💥💳💳💳 LMFOAJDSF /hj BUT I DO LOVE THIS SONG AND ITS BEEN IN MY GAY PLAYLIST FOR SO LONG <33

99- meet me at our spot ; the anxiety, willow

ok honestly i don't like this song that much anymore akljhsdfkjsdfhsd i think i'm just tired of it KSDFJHSDF bc i hear it sm on tiktok and i listened to it a bunch when i was writing that one fic but that one chorus part is STILL a banger

100- the moon song ; beabadoobee

i learned how to play this on guitar once bc it is so soothing.... i love it so so much like ITS SOOOO CUTE TOO ??? PLS

[shytiff]

Feb 2021 Wins

1 - osce study with clara almira, tryout 9 fkui, tryout review with clar, study sesh with clara that finished at about 10 pm. watched some youtube vids together til 11:15 pm. no longer sleepy, so i made my cv and finished it at about 3 in the morning lmao, bcs i saw this interning opportunity and i was like “damn i should make my cv”

2 - woke up at 7 am, didnt shower lmao, off to kiara for vaccination. Waited for a bit and i finally got it. ate mamdaging pesto rice with beef at kamkan w/ ren ness ara akisyah. talked at studied osce a bit. waited for mom to pick me up. until when do i need someone else to pick me up. i feel helpless and i hate that i cant just ride my motorbike because its too tiring. went back and dad got mad at me bcs i didnt greet him when leaving and entering the house. I truly didnt see him when i entered even though i heard sumn lmao. He said sumn along the lines of "you can always leave if u dont like me" (which is lowkey appealing). I cried bcs i felt sad and annoyed with our terrible emotional parent-daughter relationship. Hold the tears for a bit to study with clara. Darkened the room and slept still in my going-out clothes. I did not shower today lmao,,,,

3 - woke up at 10 am. Tryout and review w clara. Psych coaching. Psych practice with irun. Called lau and dajen bcs hes leving to medan. Randomly checked my email and my intern submission, which i emailed yesterday, that turns out the doctor replied at 8pm yesterday asking for interview today 11 am. And i saw it @ 6 pm. Aka super late. The stupidest thing ive ever done in FKUI. No cap. :( i panicked and it gave me a reason to talk with dad (asking how to reply) so i guess its a form of effort to banish the awkwardness between us. Studied w clara. I hope the doctor can forgive me. Its one loose end after the other lately.

4 - went to starbucks with atikah. got treated matcha latte yayy. cicil osce. called clara to learn imunisasi. went to kaleyo w atikah clara, ate bebek muda cabe ijo yumm. talked abt a lot of things in a span of 1-2 hours. we’re all pragmatist lmaoo. 

5 - osce briefing, DV osce practice w irun, watched run bts again lmaoo since knowing my osce schedule is thursday. read buku osce biru. 

6 - slept and lazed around til 1 pm. went to flavola since the construction was so noisy. osce simulation with UKMPPD Wibu. turns out flavola’s siomay is very fulfilling.

7 - todays construction noise escape is jco. Bought jcool double with almonds and chocolate crunchy. A bit of psych practice w aisyah. After maghrib practiced neuro w irun

8 - had no mood to study in the morning. Went to flavola, kopsusss coklat as usual. Reviewed osce materials (theres some tea about what might come out). Reviewed again at home (even tho i procrastinated from 6-9pm). Asked my bro for some ovo bcs i bought a mini keyboard in tokped lmaoooooo so random

9 - went to merra (ara and nessa’s place) but mom drove dad to the airport first. stome osce study, group consolidation for osce, tried mad bagel (the garlic cream cheese and tuna salad). the bagel was quite dense and fulfilling. the garlic cream cheese is quite heavy. arrived at home by 9 pm, went straight to sleep

10 - omg dr eva contacted me again :”) and i got the chance to be ecmocard research assistant. osce study. line call with ara. matcha latte. studied in juan’s room bcs it was so noisy. the keyboard i ordered arrived lolll cant wait to try. i dont know if its the anxiety or fear but i cant sleep and forced myself to sleep 11pm-ish

11 - osce. Went early to learn sumn more w ara tri. Osce (i forgot opv for the 5 mo old baby in peds station 😭 there was dr yogi omg) prayed zuhur and ashar in merra while waiting for pick up (i rly wish i could just bring my own vehicle but motorbike is rly tiring). Finally tried the mini keyboard, with earphones on. Practiced the song aku bukan untukmu by rossa lmao bu sihar taught us that in 33. I felt rly excited and not sleepy afterwards (that "normal" feeling with nothing looming). Its been a while since i tried something new, voluntarily. I guess its kind of what i felt when i tried the korean duolingo. That lasted for a couple months. Lets see how this keyboard thingy goes

12 - finally finished reviewing to oneshot (took ages lmao). Lazed around

13 - inten ukmppd w ness ren ara @ merraaa always. Went through 5 pdfs. Tried fastfit chicken burger and sweet potato fries. Quite fulfilling. Went back home and straight to bed (didnt eat anymore)

14 - started my day late as usual on weekdays lmaoo. flavola kopsus coklat as usual at my usual seat facing the window. did padi final tryout, score: 69. booty call with fianti, did mindset tryout, got 76,5.

15 - lazed tilll i start my day as usual @ 11-ish. Reviewed to padi final answers. Wow it sure took some damn time. My attention span is rly horrible when im alone in my room

16 - second dose of vaccine today. the rain was POURING. mom and emir waited in mcd. read half of aipki citation. 

17 - finished aipki citation, read CBT 2020 batch I and 2019 batch III questions. read a fantastic slow burn dramione fic. reviewed the last to solid.

18 - accompanied clara for swab antigen near airport train station (we came with motorbike since clara’s car was used). got called over by the police bcs we were in the car-only road lmaooo. went over optima tryout 2021. 

19 - cicil ukmppd at flavola with the usual menu, read some more afterwards

20 - ended up going to tamel bcs the flood in tb simatupang toll. Stayed w nessa and henny. Ate garlic carbonara spaghetti by bittersweet najla. Quite good for the price. Went over mediko questions with nessa and first session citation. Atikah sent some krispy kreme donuts 🥺🥺

21 - woke up at 4 bcs henny and nessa already did. Ate cold kanayam for bfast. Did ukmppd. I flagged quite a lot of questions huaa. I hope i can pass, aamiin. Went to tamel to get stuff (nebeng oca uye), climbed jembor to get to akis et al. Went to aeon (super crowded tffff), followed by ikea (parked at decathlon). Ate at both places (shared portion w kris lmaoo we get full quick). Aeon sushi and ikea meatball. So fulll. Went out of ikea to be briefed by dr Debby (ecmocard) and put my stuff to mom's car. Went in ikea again. And finally we went back. such a good sleep yall

22 - relaxed and i mean RELAXXXED. woke up and slept again. showered to prepare to go to harkit for intern briefing. i was late (thanks daan mogot road) and had to grabbike from untar. put on some sheet mask (natrep rose) bcs im realizing i need to fix my face and look decent for this new environment lmaoo.

23 - left home at 7 am, went through highway (i aint repeating daan mogot tragedy again). walked a bit backwards bcs the hightway exit was infront of dharmais. super slow progress on entering medical datas. took half a day to get one. and another half for the other. ate marugame udon, somay, chicken katsu and otak otak. we finished after maghrib and im writing this while waiting for mom

24 -  tried salted egg dori rice from salt inc. its quite salty and eneg inducing (a bit more than eatlah), but for the price (19k after cashback) i wont complain. Went back home before maghrib but there was still some medical record stuff i did in my room.

25 - magang as usual. Tried chicken egg salad from salad hut. Bought ice french hazelnut coffee from lawson coz i just cant take it anymore (the slump and sleepyness). I feel like the moment that sugary beverage enters my system i rise like a freshly watered plant. First meeting with dr eva and the others

26 - felt so tired even in the morning. Its 9 am and im already ordering janjiw coffee (with hazelnut and milo, quite sweet. Like a mix of kopiko and milo). Slow progress today i dunno why. Lunch is nayam rica2 and egg for 21k. Went back home by tj and mom picked me at gajah 2

27 - i hate to say this but bcs for 5 days now ive been fighting sleeping instincts, i snap out of sleepiness easier in the morning. Nasi uduk for brekkie. Moved some stuff up bcs the noise, played keyboard. Learned the (difficult) chords to tyler's see you again and im feeling satisfied. Went to racheel's place. Got fed chicken noodle. And then off to silvi's with devi also. Got fed chicken rice and dimsum. Thanks to friends im eating superwell today🥺

28 - relaxed at home. Skipped breakfast bcs i fell asleep and ate heartily in the afternoon. Evening run w racheel at citra 6