#i personally dont like the use of saying i love you when it comes to romance. it almost feels loaded or just weird
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some of yall gotta lock tf in cuz i was reading a fic today where the author marked their fic as completed when it wasn’t and so the first chapter ended on a hella cliffhanger
and one of the comments was like “omg this is so good is there gonna be a part 2??? cuz that is an illegal cliffhanger” and the author was like “omg yes thank you there’ll be a part 2!! i only marked it as completed because people avoid unfinished fics”
like. should you not mark unfinished fics as completed? yeah no dont do that. should yall motherfuckers ALSO be reading unfinished fics so that this isn’t a problem? YEAHHHHH MAYBE
i fucking LOVE reading unfinished fics cuz that means i get to write comments about how much i loved the latest chapter without irrationally worrying that something i say will be disproven in the next already existing chapter LMFAO like it’s fun!!! all you gotta do is:
write a short summary of what happened in your bookmarks and note down what chapter it’s on out of how many, eg. gojo gets hit with suguru coffee blast meet cute 1/?
if it’s really short atm eg. <2k words 1 chapter, just put like some random word eg. explosion 1/? and you can just relive the experience blindly again when you come back to enjoy it. have fun with this one by the way, ive done some really obscure ass words/memes where i dont know what the hell they have to do with the story when i come back to it and then i read it again and im like OHHH I GET IT NOW. and sometimes i never understand what past me had in mind when writing it which is really funny it’s like a time capsule
^pro tip you can also do this for fics that are finished. literally anything. have FUN with your BOOKMARKS they’re so easily customizable and if you get self conscious you can always just make them private lol
subscribe OR just periodically scroll through your bookmarks OR mark it for later OR use original tags to mark it as unfinished or like. literally anything idfk
if you feel like being a real chad and leaving a comment it’s super easy too you can just be like omg love x scene that happened in this chapter it was so angsty/cute/crazy/unexpected/insert adjective and i loved it/im rolling on the floor/im dying/im in the ambulance, cant wait for next chapter xoxo heart emoji like it’s THAAAT easy. said by someone with dogshit social anxiety and a tendency to overthink every action ive ever made, IT’S THAT EASY!!
and like. boom. that’s it. you get new content from fics you love delivered straight to your door!! hello??? even if they never update again are you really gonna mourn the loss of like 10 seconds of your time. cmon you’re already on ao3 for hours at a time like. lock INNNNNNN
me personally i get so much fuckin shit in my emails that i can’t turn off notifs for. so when i get a notification that some fic i dont even remember updated i get hyped as SHIT because finally some good fucking FOOD!! even if i dont remember it right now i must’ve liked it enough to subscribe to it and i know my taste better than anyone else so it must be good shit lmfao…and if it’s a fic i REMEMBER then it’s like YEAHHHHH BABY. do you even comprehend how many times ive checked my phone at the bus stop and gotten a notif from either a fic or author i’ve subscribed to and just. instantly start grinning like a maniac because YESSSSSSS
can personally attest that this has happened multiple times from ao3 user hollow_lime_green (Hanatamago) and many other authors. do ittt. brighten up your day. pspspspsp do itttttttttt
#LOCK IN LOCK IN LOCK IN#im also a writer if you couldnt tell but like omg guys#i saw that one post that was circulating#about the friend server that worshipped some person’s fic but never left a comment#and it just BAFFLES me#if you like it SHOW IT or you’re not gonna get more shit like it#do not mindlessly consume content in fanfic spaces you LOONS#how do yall think finished fics happen huh. you think they spawn out of thin air#some of the best shit ive ever read has been unfinished 7/?#and some of the worst shit ive ever read has been finished with like 58/58 chapters#THE MOST POPULAR fic in the shuake fandom is UNFINISHED#let’s be so fr here and stop pussying out of unfinished fics#and also dont only leave comments for the fics that absolutely knock your socks off and make you cry rivers but ill leave that for later#fanfiction#ao3#satosugu#archive of our own
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Something something- Ranma and Akane first meeting is how all of Ranma obssessed would be sutiors meet him. Let me explain- the formula for how Ranma ends up with his none harem (because he dont like them hoes). Is they all pick one form of Ranma to like and refuse to get to know the otherside.
Ranma and Akane first meeting, Akane is only really interested in female Ranma as a friend. Akane was super happy to have a girl partner to train with. (Theres a whole ass post to be made about Akane life, before Ranma and his father moved in.) Shes so alone which is weird- Akane is not disliked by the female body of her school. Akane is popular! Again why is she the only one doing any form of fighting. Thinking of it now i dont think akane has friends "friends".
But its clear, she wants a connection in fighting with another girl. When Ranma turns out to be a guy, and her fiance. The illisuion of having a friend of the same gender to do matarial arts with is broken. But this in turn has more to do with Akane current gender experssion and hang ups. (We can't get into yet-). This rejection makes Ranma retaliate.
Its only when Akane comes to terms with her own personal problem, does she fully accept Ranma. This moves her out of the space with the other would be suitors. An into a lane of her own one, Ranma contuines to go back into. But there something there in that small space of Akane and Ranma first meeting.
Its so hard to pin point/explain it. Its a deep loneliness on Akane end that isnt really explored outside that small window when she had long hair. Theres also a fic to be made about Ranma hiding his male identity to hang out with Akane more.
The tendo house becomes way more lively once Saotome moves in. The dojo is used more often, its not just Akane trainning by herself. The long hair seems to repsent everything a girly girl should be. The- you have to be more lady like, a lot of unneed pressure Akane puts on herself with that long hair. Ranma a high fem girl popping up probably felt like vindication in Akane eyes. Look see a girl whos is super feminie can do martial arts as well!! Only to have that betrayed, when the girl turns out to be a guy. An then you say a bunch of shit you dont mean. Resetting your relationship to negative 10. But! There something so idk how to explain it. There something there-
Ranma and Akane fall in love in that first meeting.
Maybe its different type of love, maybe its only from Ranma end. But there something so undefinable about it, that makes it feel like love. Love at first sight, rejection, and then the rest of the show is reconciliation. It feels like this is the first time Akane has ever liked someone outside of the doctor dude. Which was probably really jaring for her. Ranma has spent all his time trainning i dont think romance even crossed his mind, let alone a friendship. Akane becomes one of the only character (im being hyperbolic) that accepts Ranma as both guy and girl. In that single isolated moment breed so much.
I don't think they ever have a moment like that again. Akane and Ranma from that point onwards are never truly left alone. When they are its interpurted, or they're going somewhere- Especially! With serious moments. It really does feel like their first meeting they fell in love, broke up, and tentatively got back together.
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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr#warm up#idk . having trouble writing rn#ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum#i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for#i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography#like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days#furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will#actually ever happen#ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum
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I am once again thinking about the reluctant ruler whose arc justly and correctly includes assuming the throne and taking responsibility for the people set before them
#it's about simba coming back to pride rock it's about aragorn using andúril to fight for middle earth and assuming the throne it's about#hiccup marrying astrid and assuming his role as chief and moses returning to egypt#and it's about irina loving her people so fully that when she claims all of her subjects as hers that chernobog must release them to her!!!#and it's about miryem choosing to stay with the staryk and repair the damage and assume responsibility for the land and people!!!!!#and! it's! about! gen!!!!#it's ALWAYS about gen!!!!#gen who didn't want to be king. who hated being king and only wanted to marry a queen but who obeyed his gods and became a king over kings#who lost his home and half his family and his HAND but who ushered in a new golden age.#and it's about sophos who ran away but who shot the ambassador and took back his kingdom#it's about duty and it's about sacrifice and it's always ALWAYS about doing the right thing even at great personal cost because it's about#submitting to a power higher than your own. of recognizing that the calling on life is one for serving others and having so much more to#answer for than just yourself. it's knowing duty is love is duty#i cant stand stories where the answer is 'give up the throne and reject your duty' because no!!! you dont get it!!!#thats how you get the monsters!!! thats how you get the prince turned into a beast and thats how you get every terrible weak king that#aragorn feared becoming#to accept your throne is to die to self!!! you are no longer you but 'king' or 'queen'#it's like queen mary says to qeii in the crown 'elizabeth mountbatten must die#elizabeth regina must take her place.'#that's terrifying! but it's also everything!!!!#die! to! self! die! to! self!!!!!!#lilac rambles#lilac goes to the movies#lion king#prince of egypt#lotr#spinning silver#the crown#tqt#the queen's thief#httyd
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I need to know if I'm delusional and projecting onto random characters or if Adam and/or Steve are neurodivergent
You can project whatever you want on them, and I don't know that it's "canon" so to speak but I write them with neurodivergent intent in mind just based on my own life experiences!
so I'm projecting on them too, but it's up for debate whether that's coming across in the text.
Adam is autistic and Steve has ADHD. To Me.
#I think adam autism is wayyyyy more in the text than steve ADHD#adam who has. been to therapy.#and whose mom. is a psych#thats not in canon but it's how I'm writing him#he feels like someone whose mom was psychoanalyzing him in a gentle way his whole life you know what I mean.#like. ok maybe I'm being ridiculous but its in there I swear#steve on the other hand extremely untreated ADHD and also no way of knowing he has it and also doesnt need to focus much so you cant tell#but. as much as it could be in there for his situation I think its in there#anyways this is just word of god I guess. well maybe adam autism is like fair at this point to read and consider relatively canon#dodsent madder#I'm wary of what I say is actually canon#especially when it comes to neirodivergency!#which is sooo extremely personal and SOOOO varied#but like them being trans. thats canon#and when people are like hmmm idk I dont think its in there#I'm like LEARN TO THINK CRITICALLY...#'your family wouldnt recognize you as a man and you said you were glad for it'#'the man who chose and who told me I was allowed not to'#'are you my boyfriend?' 'I prefer partner.'#like be serious. thats canon#sorry it pisses me OFFF!!!!!!#not like super duper its like fine HAHAHAHAAHAHAAHA#anyways okay. yeah adam is autistic and steve has ADHD#uh.......#also personally choose not to use the word delusional and to save it for medical discussions but your words are your choice#asks#autisticfridge#just like to make my choices clear as often as I can#ok bye love you. project whatever the hell you want on my ocs#I made them and put them out there and I get to do 100% of what I want with them
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Kouhei: Mizuki may not be able to be honest with himself with regards to Yoh, but if it were me, if I did the things he did, I think Yoh would have caught on. Mizuki may not say much, but I think he shows how much he likes Yoh through his actions. I tend to say exactly how I feel. In Mizuki's case, he doesn't say what he thinks. It's almost like he's choosing not to say it, that's his thing. I can't just say that he should say what he feels in words no matter what. I think he should keep being himself, and Yoh's the one who should be paying more attention.
Atsuki: You're wrong. I'm sure Mizuki hasn't realized that Yoh doesn't realize. I'm saying, Mizuki doesn't realize that Yoh doesn't know how he feels. I think that's part of the reason why he acts the way he does. I think there's a chance, at least. Yoh should be thankful for what he has going on. Mizuki is taking care of his housing and food. Mizuki comes home right away without going to after work dinners or anything. He gets paid a lot! He's got a very good environment to work with. On top of that, I think he could help Mizuki out more in different ways - Sorry, I misspoke! He could help Mizuki out by being more straightforward with his feelings, without just keeping it all in.
#my personal weatherman#higuchi kouhei#mashiko atsuki#*#faiza gifs#gbrwhijbgfvihbh TWO DENSE PEOPLE COMING TOGETHER lmaoooooooo#also NOT kouhei not being able to stop laughing when acchan was like 'oh yoh can help mizuki out in different ways!'#yeah atsuki YOU DUG URSELF INTO A RIGHT HOLE THERE nuvfihbfsbvhc#anyway i LOVE how they both just GET their characters. like its SO easy for us as an audience to say#'oh why dont they just TALK'. but they both ARENT talkers.#like how kouhei says: you cant just FORCE segasaki to speak bc thats not who he is!#while atsuki is like yeah but yoh acts the way he does bc mizuki hasnt realised that yoh hasnt realised that he has feelings for him!#so how else is yoh meant to act! ANYWAY#THEY THOROUGHLY UNDERSTOOD THE ASSIGNMENT!
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The type of Christian who asks atheists how they don't like, murder people on the reg are so funny to me because they seem to think their religion makes them the Peak of Morality when statements like "if you don't believe in God how comes you don't do X thing" all but outright state they have no idea why shit like murder and rape is bad except that God doesn't like it lmao. Like way to admit you have no intrinsic sense of morality and need to be afraid of a higher power to be a decent person, but I promise if you're not a piece of shit it's actually very natural not to want to do heinous evil shit all the time potential punishment from a higher power or not 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
#winters ramblings#seriously its SO funny when that happens because every time its like ??? the FUCK kind of thoughts do you have#to ask HOW i resist doing evil shit all the time because i dont fear god because i dont believe in God??#what kind of fucked up person do you haveto be to only resist killing people because of fear of a higher power??#these are people to avoid because typically they also come with the issue of using their religion to make any action they want#perfectly Good and Moral because GOD said it its in the BIBLE whether thats true or not and like bible or no#if you have no intrinsic sense of morality i dont want to hear about atheist morality from you lmao#not that athiests lack issues i swear to god white dudes who evangelize atheism like its their new religion#have WILDLY missed the point and often suffer the same problem as the aforementioned Christians#wherein the onky thing thats ever given them any kind of pushback is the church so they decide RELIGION is horrible and bad as a whole#which isnt true religion can be a perfectly lovely amazing thing for people but that brand of atheist#doesnt seem to understand that people turned away from the church because of wide spread abuse and discrimination not because#believing in god makes you literally mentally ill like some of these fuckos act like. abelist AND shite to religious folks in one fowl swoop#so you know atheists have problems too but like they arent making laws in their beliefs images across the world so you know#temper the criticism with how influential the group actually is although richard dawkins types DID get a lot of space to spew their idiocy#like dawkims if you think youre SOOOO much smarter than christians how come you have ALL the same misogyny problems??#youre not that smart and logical if youve decided a whole kind of person is inherently less than you buddy. in fact thats very Christian#of him actually. funny when that happens but again if you dont actually know WHY something is a problem#its very easy to say Thats Bad and then literally do the exact same thing you just condemned because when YOU do it its no longer bad#because its got YOUR flavor of fucked up morality on it now instead of being like hmm maybe Christianity isnt a problem#because it EXISTS but because a lot of people use their religion as a pointed barb to discriminate against huge swaths of people#and often the intolerance becomes a legal issue when Christians and other religious majorities shove through laws based on EXCLUSIVELY their#religions and opinions and that doesnt mean religion should be dismantled it means we ahould tell religious folk who would know what#morality was if it fucked them up the ass to shut up and figure out what morality is outside of rekigion before they start legislating about#it and whatnot. also i wish extreme opinions werent ALL the news focused on exclusively on the political right#can we platform some NORMAL well adjusted christians who are god loving AND not a bunch of wingnuts#who are two steps away from arguing thou shall not kill only applies to people they LIKE because they dont seem to understand#maybe murder is bad when EVERYONE does it not just The Bad People??!?!
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who up seeing their disorder in a fictional character but feel like its not their place to put a name on it
#id have to be waterboarded before i can talk abt how i see a lot of my adhd and personality in mitsumi iwakura let alone post it#idk how to talk abt this without feeling like im talking over or invalidating ppls experiences relating with a character#someone was talking abt how ppl tie laios' autism to special interest and social difficulties but not much else which kinda flattens it#and then went into a respectful in depth analysis of other autistic behaviour that laios exhibits and it wasnt phrased meanly#its fascinating and important to me to hear someone explain a little bit abt traits that they recognized and often go overlooked#because it does help me learn more about it. but i think thats also where hesitancy kicks in when it comes to depicting it accurately#like i have adhd and some of my adhd symptoms overlap with autism (time blindness and pattern seeking behaviour) but that only means#it feels familiar to me even without having autism. on top of that traits arent always cleanly determined as being /caused/ by#a disorder. to understand my environment i compare it to something unrelated but similar to make it more familiar and for the longest time#i thought that was a personality thing and not an information processing thing since i loved playing pretend in my head as a kid#so if you make a character who experiences that hoping to reach people that also experience that and tell them its not weird or#smth youre making up like. thats the goal. ppl who dont get it arent expected to it just means it doesnt cater to them but it helps them#become familiar to it yk? since i dont have autism myself i dont feel confident i can depict it properly or explain it in my own words#but that doesnt mean im trying to dismiss it or try and cut it out completely.. ill just leave the floor open to someone who /can/#a lot of issues around fanon depictions are when smth is baselessly popularized or a characters personality and behavior is flattened#especially to fit them into a trending meme. its harmless and its supposed to be for fun but it gets tricky when you drag things that#need to be carefully explained beforehand or else it gets lost in translation. like that tweet abt 'hyperfixating' on cooking pasta#once it becomes popular language usually the original meaning is left out for the sake of simplifying it for everyone that when it#circles back theres a sort of hesitancy like. am i using it the way it was intended or am i unknowingly using the popularized version of it#actually thats probably why i felt wrongfooted during diagnosis bc it felt like i was misusing the words i heard to describe what i felt#i /know/ i see a lot of myself in mitsumi because our minds are always somewhere else and we tend to put good faith first and for me#that personal connection is enough. but idk it feels like its always gonna have to be 'palatable' first before i can talk abt it openly#mad respect to writers and creators who stick to their story even if theres the looming fear of ppl misinterpreting it and letting them#have it.. its been almost 2 weeks and i am so close to deleting that m3 dunmeshi drawing bc ppl keep saying chilchuck wouldnt have 200 HP#IT LITERALLY SAYS I MADE IT WHILE WATCHING EP 1. I USED EARTHBOUND LOGIC AND I WASNT EVEN TAKING IT SERIOUSLY CHILL#yapping
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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is
#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And#make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not#saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was#going to say#like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so#bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the#winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000#other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but#i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its#been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody#responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple#muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it#but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like#im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good#solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start#all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the#punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4#im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but#even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think#avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is#like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they#hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be#the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO#difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15#minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case#it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel#stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and#tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i#tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction#like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint
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You know what? I'm not done.
The fact y'all white mogais fought tooth and nail to not have to put white in your bios or somewhere readily available was actually insane and confirms my already existing theory that some of you think once you have a certain amount of kins, f/os, irls, mental illnesses, xenogenders, orientation modifiers, alters and neopronouns, you lose white privilege and it absolutely shows that you do not lose that privilege exclusively because y'all have become pretty consistent white saviors lmao
Like y'all literally cried about it being too identifiable about you and being the same as doxxing like you weren't already sharing with everyone the exact percentages of your orientation attraction, age, state you live in, public name, like... I have to wonder hard how many of y'all participate in anti-racism activism to be an ally, actually understand why certain things are actually racist and help POC and how many of you exclusively do it to look better to other (white) activists and ease your white guilt.
Now y'all aren't even including byi/stance pages on top of a total lack of dni and wonder why radqueer beliefs are seeping in and every new term is basically transabled under a different name. I called it when I first saw this new batch pop up and I'm saying it now, they have their radqueer blogs with their radqueer content that you have blocked and they have their other blog named something like prxncxss-of-nxght or something with $50 worth of custom lazy caard graphic edits with needy streamer girl and 17 titles but no public stances for all their normal xenogender content. You didn't fight it so there they are. They ain't saying shit. Hell, no one said shit when ra/diomo/gai litterally reblogged a word for word transabled term. "Internal self" you realize that's just flowery language right? Like the creator themselves already said that it applied "to the soul and not the physical form". Please read a room. "#disability"? Are you actually fucking kidding me? No one batted an eye?
I don't think the community is dead because I don't follow a lot of big names anymore or because a lot of big names have deactivated, y'all just stopped caring and moved on despite all these beliefs you said you cared about. I don't really care, I've pretty much known from day one that a majority of the community is literally just full of shit about all these 8 paragraph basic feminism posts and vents crying about racism from fully white people.
I'm not someone to rip someone apart publicly for being what they say they are, then there's no need, but lieing about it? Damn, at least be shitty honestly.
Don't harass me, the creator of that term or ra/diom/og/ai over this. Just block and move on, I'm not having some public drama back and forth over a clearly transabled term.
#clover speaks#no one said a word#no call out no notes calling it what it is coiner is a literal radqueer#like yall dont care and even though i knew it im just glad i dont have to pretend to believe ur activism claims anymore#you wonder where i went i went back to my art back to things that make me happy#this community may be less trigger happy but now they are snuggling up to radqueers just like i predicted#i knew it was gonna happen and i knew the community would just keep going and its why i hooped off this train years ago#despite yalls claims of being critical inclusionists and wanting to educate instead of hate ive seen this all happen before#the inclusionist vs exclusionist saga didnt die because one side beat the other#a fuck ton of inclusionists became map supporters over night and all the exclusionists just lost interest and moved on#this is what will continue to happen to every movement the ultra progressives on this site create until you grow a backbone#yall are so scared of invalidating someone who is genuinely harmful that youve become the thing you claimed you hate#ive clocked multiple terms that were ableist or interphobic but because yall never make any effort to actually listen to us#you've allowed radqueers to basically indoctrinate you while the rest of us watch you zombie shuffle onwards#youve liberalpilled inclusionmaxxed ur way into the fucking sun#im not coming with yall yall have fun but im not going to smile to ur face and pretend you even remotely have disabled and intersex peoples#best interests at heart#the community has always been ableist#the community has always been racist#the community has always been interphobic#it wont change until any of you can accept that just cause you feel some way in passing dosent mean its a valid identity#even if its not in passing its still not inherently morally neutral#I'll keep being me but like literal transabled terminology is seeping in and its hitting the worst of us first but yall have never listened#so not shocking nor surprising that no one caught this and thus did not say shit#yall love to scream that your moderate personality disorder is the same as my severe autism and subsequent mental disability are the same#every july but you sure dont give a single shit when someone pretends to have our condition and makes up a word and throws some pantones on#a png and calls it valid#grow a backbone or continue being the laughing stock of the disability community i aint helping either way
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sorry im just thinking about bcs but like. why not add a few smaller scenes of gus interacting with his own men? why does it seem like, in comparison, mike is almost immediately elevated to a higher status than those two in bcs purely because we actually get to see him having normal conversations with gus? like i understand they might not keep the plot moving as well because of the fact obviously if victor is currently doing something it’s because gus told him to etc. but for the most part all of the smaller interactions gus does have with those two ends up being in a somewhat high stress situation where it feels very tense between everyone. and it’s just like damn! is it always like that?? why do those two even care that much about their jobs if their boss is a bit of a dick? etc. i think even an additional scene or two with those guys (either alone or the both of them) talking with gus in a more normal situation could’ve both added a bit more depth into how gus treats his employees (we got a lot with how he treats lyle and co., but not a whole lot with the illegal side of things), how comfortable vic and tyrus feel around him in a calmer setting, and exactly why they both feel the need to be as loyal as they are to the guy.
and also on the other side of this i don't think it'd hurt to maybe elaborate on their pay just a bit..? i'm not saying to randomly put a number out into the atmosphere but i just mean some smaller things like. do they buy nicer things for themselves? what's their housing situation? what's their car situation? are the escalade / yukon their own vehicles or does gus just use those two for business situations? do they use them when they're doing their own stuff off the clock or do they have their own cars? etc. that can also help with understanding their motivations a bit. don't get me wrong i don't think they should be visibly rich or something because that's not what gus would want but just smaller things! cause it's easy to write their loyalty off as Well they probably get paid super well, which i'm sure is true, but if they don't show a single hint of that then what's the point. even something as simple as giving tyrus a nice watch, or maybe victor having a nicer looking gun, etc. something small like that. because as it stands right now the average 41 year old viewer who watched the show once only knows and will only ever know victor and tyrus as those two guys in the background who do random stuff for gus with no clear motivation. just the personification of "On it boss (salute emoji)". and to be honest this is true for a whole lot of fans who do watch the show multiple times and enjoy thinking about it more in depth, because on screen we barely have anything about the two.
and to be clear i'm not trying to say we should have an episode just for them or something like no i understand they're side characters. i understand we don't need all that. and i understand this is also primarily Jimmy's show. but it's not like these two are on the same level as like, arlo or paige and kevin etc. these guys have been around since brba. victor was literally introduced in the same episode gus was. and they are a huge part of gus's story, especially in brba. s4 wouldn't have been what it was without victor and tyrus. and in bcs, ignacio's situation wouldn't have been the same if it weren't for victor and tyrus as well. and i just personally believe that if their goal with gus in bcs was to go back and elaborate on how everything came to be and show what he was like a few years younger, they could've dragged victor and tyrus into that. and i think his character would've benefited from taking that extra step with those two.
#gray.txt#and you know. obviously i personally have my own clear ideas of everything. and i'm content with what i got. this isn't coming from a place#of Well victor is my favorite guy so everything should be about him LOL. i know what he is.#but thats only because i spent like what? 2 years now watching random interviews and analyzing the smallest details within the show that#genuinely meant nothing while they were writing the scripts. and then throwing some random ideas at the wall to see if they stick.#and i just dont think everybody should have to do that LOL. and i think gus's character gets a lot more interesting#when do you do have this clear idea of victor and tyrus in your head and how he interacts with them. but 99% of people dont have that!#nobody fucking knows everything giancarlo and vince ever said about box cutter. nobody knows about the interview where giancarlo referred t#his entire business (meth and restaurant) as his 'family'. and they'd never think of that in those terms#because with the exception of his restaurant workers and mike#it feels like he HATES them LMAO.#tldr all i'm saying is i think we could've benefited from at least one 1 minute long scene of victor and gus exchanging words#where it doesn't end in gus snapping the phone in half out of anger. and also let tyrus speak his mind and have gus agree with him once#also yeah sorry this is all over the place but it is somehow the most coherent i have felt in months so this is as good as its getting sorr#sorry .#also to be clear about my earlier statement that’s a lie my idea of those two is not clear in my head whatsoever i just meant in comparison#to literally the average viewer. and my own personal thoughts about them aren’t even true it’s just opinions and guesses.#and i love a character that i can just say shit about but at the same time i think it’s fun to have idk something in the source material#that you can actually use while thinking and not have to dig around 11 year old reddit AMAs#and that money paragraph sort of came out of order what i meant by saying all that is like#i feel those two could benefit from a clear motivation for why they do all the things they do#and if we have neither personal reasons nor monetary reasons then it just makes them feel like one dimensional henchmen or something#came out of no where* not order you dumb fuck (< me)#also it doesn’t have to be clear in our faces or anything whatever you know what i’m saying . this is too long i can’t keep elaborating
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#im back from a week with my dad at home and at the lake#it was really nice to b home for a while but now im a mess lol#bc it really makes me wanna move back to Appalachia and not do another semester out here#and also this was our 1st trip to the lake without my mom being there. she loved the lake. she grew up on the water and was named after an#island. she died before she could use our new jetski. which my dad bought for her and she would have loved#and i stood in her sandles bc my dad keeps them out by the fireplace and my toes fit almost exactly into the impressions of her feet#and i came come with another bag full of her clothes. and i feel bad for my dad being all alone in that big house#i mean hes got the dogs but theyre 7 and 8 and theyre big boys so they probably dont have all that long left. itll be so sad when they die.#there was a moment where i was talking to the dogs and he said i sounded exactly like my mom. which was kinda intentional#on my part bc i say a lot of things bc she would say them. stolen phrases and intonations. pieces of things ive taken.#its still weird that she's just gone forever. the time in the hospital feels like it was some horrible nightmare.#and now shes never gonna kno where we end up. she's left rooms full of half tumbled rocks and half sorted photos and half organized#classroom supplies. the outlines of a person that will slowly be stitched out of existance as time moves on until theres nothing left and#the memories are gone. its just sad is all. especially bc she didnt deserve it. no one does but expecally not her.#but unfortunately life isnt about getting what you deserve. its chaos and coincidence all the way down.#unrelated
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something to be said abt a foster pleading for anyone to adopt their extremely sweet and playful disabled tabby cat for over a year with absolute Crickets in response vs us making one post at 8pm with a frankly very poorly taken photo of a cute no-personality fluffy white kitten we have (who's not even been here 3 days!) and we have 45 comments within the hour and three of our adoption people with their phones blowing up
#i say something to be said but its been said before#its so weird how much value people put into the look of an animal vs its personality#look i love this kitten as much as the next guy but like. i dont know her#shes not got much going on and the only thing that sets her apart is her looks#and i know people will be throwing themselves at us to adopt her#but when we respond to the 15th app we got for her with 'hey you werent first but heres other options'#i already know theyll back out bc they couldnt get the shocking beautiful kitten they wantef#because it happens all. the. time.#we had a tripod siamese thing a few months ago and she got an application the night she was posted#and about 7 others too before we took her photo down#and the first person in line took her not necessarily bc she was perfect#but because she was good and wow what a beautiful cat everyone will be amazed by her!#whereas if they were there and met a tabby wjth the Same Exact Personality#and pros and cons#they wouldve moved on bc its just a tabby and theres no motivation to work with the animal#because it doesnt look pretty or unique#its been said a thousand times over by people way more articulate than me#but its so frustrating to watch it happen over and over again#we have mini aussie pups (aka longhaired chihuahuas with mearle color) who had adopters ready before they were even fixed#but when the millionth sweet baby pitbull puppy comes through theres no response#or when a senior fucked up chow chow is found as a stray people are biting at the bit to be approved to adopt it#but when those same people are asked if they can take in a young farm dog from a hoarding situation#they ghost us#shelter posting
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hi ok unpopular thought but you can tell when a cis/het person is playing a queer character because they always prioritize the queerness of their character over anything else
#like were in the middle of urinetown auditions#and this guy is auditioning for barrell#and i am too#and now i dont particularly care#like none of this is to say that his or anyone else's performance is bad or lesser than#but barrell is gay and like you can tell watching this kid perform that that fact is at the forefront of his mind#we were talking abt it later and he was like “yeah your barrell was like really snarky” and im like YEAH bro he kills ppl for a living#like hes not walking around constantly thinking about how hes gay#no gay person walks around fronting the fact that theyre gay#like i dont go to the mall thinking 'i am gay and going to the mall' dude no i just go to the fucking mall#i have a love hate relationship with cis/het performers who play queer characters because you could pull it off???#but youre lacking the subtleties#youre lacking the timing of when these things actually come into play#and again i really do hope this dude the best like honest to god if he gets the part thats great and i know he'll get there like i am#not the one directing this show and i trust the director completely#and im just using that as an example#but you see it in other things too#you can see it in good omens 2 and the danish girl and call me by your name#now compare it to something like cabaret and alan cummings portrayal of emcee#and you can tell theres a level of understanding there thats lacking in the other ones. our flag means death is also another really good#example. while rhys darby and taika waititi arent gay david jenkins is and it comes across in his writing that this is someone who#understands the queer experience and writes in a way that makes it possible for cis/het performers to understand what theyre playing with#turnip rants#delete later probably#all opinions and statements are my own we can coexist
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I like doomed narratives but my ultimate Wizard101 NPC ending is the Young Wizard living in a nice secluded place with all their friends (all the necromancers, Ceren, Nolan, fuck you Boris you can live outside, Dasein, the Schismist Soldier, Mellori and the Bat) like a little village but they're all roommates and they do things like farming and brewing hot tea on Sundays free from Ambrose and the rest of the damned Spiral
#ik thats a lot of people HALSJDLDHDH#but in my version of Wizard101 that's everyone's ending. they get to heal together#i know i said all of the necromancers but i think i like it better if duncan was like maybe separate#not because i hate him but because im a huge believer of not being able to heal when the person who hurt you is right there#AND EVEN THOUGH WE DIDNT HURT HIM ON PURPOSE we're still a source of his trauma and i cant see duncan living with us right away yknow#like maybe later on in life but i like him better on his own off in the spiral to see the world and humble himself#*with artur and susie because he loves them#BUT YEA my wizard lives with everyone else at the Very End. fuck you ambrose /lh but /srs#the odd ones out honestly are ceren and nolan bc iirc in canon they dont go thru any type of shit. theyre fine#the rest of the group i mentioned have FLASHBACKS. theres some Trauma Periodt. in their cereal for breakfast#but i mean ceren and nolan can come if they want its fine#i MEAN IT about boris he CANNOT COME#yeah i said the schismist soldier. thats just my personal fantasy ik he hates us#here i am saying duncan cant be around us but thr schismist soldier ABSOLUTELY cannot be around us. but in my world he can! im a hypocrite!#itd be funny if he was still like. just a liiitle bit obsessed but its not because of his inferiority and god complexes he's just gay for us#......yeah im biased okay look he's hot leave me alone /lh#wizard101#w101#wiz101#text posts
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Genuinely I love Julian's route in The Arcana so much. The potential of it, this inherent pull towards someone and you don't understand why -- he's admitted guilt to murder yet you can't help but feel this strange insistence that he's innocent. You don't know how, but your body, mind, & soul are screaming at you that this man that you have never met before is good, he's not what others say he is, he's not what he himself says he is; and then you learn that he doesn't even remember what happened, he just assumes he's the guilty party because he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he was. Why else would he forget unless it was an unbearable guilt he couldn't bear the weight of?
And, on top of it all, he has this same strange familiarity with you. How does he feel when he sees you in the shop and his heart stutters? When suddenly his aimless searching for something feels resolved, when he looks at you and everything feels right? He doesn't know you and yet his body remembers.
The mutual amnesia of people who used to be extremely close. He sees you for what he thinks is the first time ever, but his body is telling him no, we know them, we miss their touch. And you, the apprentice, slowly realizing you're feeling the same things? You immediately trust him because, before you forgot, he was your partner. Your mentor. Somebody you were so incredibly, incredibly close to, but you died and he blamed himself and everything crumpled and he made himself forget so it could never happen again and then --
There you are. And neither of you remember, but at the same time, some part of you does. The muscle memory never left. He touches you so casually, pats your arms and grabs your hand and leads you around the alleys as if it's second nature because it is. He dreams of your face and his torment and of losing you, and doesn't realize that it was real, and that his body itches to hold you because that part of him can't bear to lose you again.
I am obsessed with it. How many little tells are there, really, that the two of you share and hint at it being an old habit from times forgotten? How many little touches used to be daily routines? How many flutters of visions aren't just passing thoughts and wishes, but memories?
You think of how hard it would be to kiss Julian with a plague mask on, and his response is "Imagine trying with two of them," because he wanted to kiss you when you were his apprentice, when you were both desperate and tired and aching and tortured by the plague with only each other's company as a comfort. Maybe that's why you had the thought of kissing him in the first place, too -- but neither of you know why the subject was brought up, neither remember, yet some parts of you do.
Ugh. I love it. And when Julian finally does regain his memories? And he realizes you're real and you're here and you've been here, and he has been able to touch you and hold you this whole time, but now he can truly appreciate it, but he's also horrified with the weight of losing you all over again. Oh my God. It's so good. The potential underlying thoughts and emotions are so good.
#im rambling#im just obsessed with past lovers who have mutual amnesia#but they both feel this weird sense of /rightness/ when they find each other again#and everything starts moving so quickly and its too quick to be comfortable yet it is more than comfortable#its natural its instinctual because you both fit#youve always fit you just dont remember#the tragedy the beauty the intimacy#the love shared inherently between people who cant remember why#but their bodies know they miss each other#and touching one another comes as easy as breathing even when everything around them is telling them no this is dangerous this is not sane#he is a murderer he is a terrible person he will hurt you#but your body says /no/#because its whispering /i know him/#grabs my heart and sobs into the pavement#im so sorry im rambling so much i just. its so good. i wish we had more books like this#not the one sided amnesia trope but the TWO sided amnesia#you dont remember what happened you dont remember who you used to be but your body is screaming /its them its them its them/#sigh#julian#julian devorak#the arcana#the apprentice#arcana#arcana apprentice#spoilers#julian spoilers#Julian route spoilers#ilya#ilya devorak#Wolfy speaks
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