#i personally cannot fathom it like what if the other guy does a better job theres no returning from that

[grgie]

love when rappers drop diss tracks about each other. thank you for beefing publically so the rest of us can watch instead of working it out privately amongst yourselves

[blazehedgehog]

Get a job, save up money, sell some old rare games, move out of your brothers in to a flat share and pay rent like all of your peers do. You were not born into royalty. Suddenly becoming youtube famous enough to not have to live like the rest of us is a teenagers fantasy.

This is one of those asks where I'm sure you feel plenty high and mighty, like you're "telling it like it is", and giving me the "hard truths." You think you know exactly who I am, and where I am in my life, when in fact you know so absolutely little about me that you're not really helping anyone or doing anything of value.

You're just kind of being an ignorant asshole, based on assumptions you've made from the 0.05% you think you've absorbed from a few social media posts.

This is parasocial as hell, my guy.

Imagine a total stranger came up to you out of the blue one day and said, "You know, you're too confident in your own abilities. You should become a logger, that will teach you the value of good hard work." Are you just going to drop everything, buy a chainsaw, and move out into the forest?

The only thing an ask like this says is how little you actually think of me or truly respect me. That clearly I must be so entitled, so blind, so stupid, that this would be in any way helpful on any level. Because clearly, obviously, I've never had a hard look at myself or how to make my own life better. Because I act like royalty, right? The kind of royalty that's had a Youtube channel for 18 years and still hasn't even broken 50k subscribers, clearly. Look at what a big important cool VIP that makes me! I'm sipping champange with Markiplier and MrBeast as I write this! And we're all laughing at you!

And what of you? What does it say of how you think of your own ego that you believe a one paragraph anonymous message is going to shift my entire paradigm and fix every single problem I have? If you thought this would do anything other than generate a frustrated sense of confusion, I cannot even fathom the type of person you might be.

All you've done is embarrass both of us, and you're lucky enough to be anonymous.

[philtstone]

For the ask game, hugs #13 with Marvel/GOTG characters of your choice?

"Mantis had a nightmare," Nebula explains, in one of the stiffer tones Gamora has known to come out of her mouth.

Gamora has paused midway through wandering into the living area from the galley, yawning, contemplating the ripeness of her root vegetable snack. Deeper in the hold, music is playing, muffled but lilting and familiar. It's late. Sometimes, the things that happen on this ship are still a bit mystifying. For example, Nebula is sitting ramrod-straight against the disgusting blue couch Peter bargained into their décor last month, looking like she has been there for a while, the curled-up shape of their resident empath is wrapped delicately around her torso. 

Gamora can see Mantis's antennae twitch with each quiet breath she takes, and the fact that her petite right hand fingers are curled gently around Nebula's metal bicep, completely relaxed in the knowledge that she will not be feeling anything other than the simple comfort of hugging another person.

Well -- Nebula. But another person nonetheless.

"She fell asleep again," Gamora observes lightly, which does not distract Nebula from picking up any deeper meaning -- something about feelings of safety, perhaps -- and Gamora watches happily as her sister draws her chin back into her neck and pretends she isn't flushing a slow, blotchy violet.

"Duh, idiot," Nebula says.

"Mmm," says Gamora knowingly. "Budge over."

Nebula splutters, but apparently cannot fathom the betrayal that would be jostling Mantis awake again; she remains stock still, and no knives are pulled or limbs attempted to be snapped as Gamora steps over, drops down into the spot to Nebula's right, and adds another set of arms to the hug.

They sit there for a handful of moments. It feels a little bit like Nebula has stopped breathing altogether. Gamora can't tell if it's out of shock, or unspeakable, impotent rage.

Unaffected, she settles into the incongruous warmth of her sister's neck, bare and open to Gamora's cheek. Mantis stays asleep. Gamora does not stop to consider the potential consequences of her decision; she simply sits there, breathing deeply, and eventually, Nebula's breathing begins to match.

*

Peter finds them in the ass-end of the night cycle, when he really should be sleeping. Gamora tells him this in carefully whispered tones, so as not to wake the others.

"Huh," says Peter, in response. His sweet face is caught between something incredulous and something tender, and Gamora chooses to focus on the former, because it is the more comical. Peter rubs the back of his hand under his nose while he really soaks in the tableau beneath him.

"That's not an answer," Gamora says, still whispered. "What were you doing this whole time?" Hopefully looking for their next job, she thinks; she was supposed to do that, before she did this instead.

"Couldn't sleep," Peter says, "played some tunes. Got balls deep into a Ravager chatroom, you know those things have gotten way more censored since I was a kid? Can't say anything 'bout anything if it's gotta do with those guys monopolizing Ajax Five --"

"Peter," she says.

"And I looked for jobs."

Gamora purses her lips. He does know her so well, she thinks.

"Mantis had a nightmare," she explains. Peter nods, then traces his eyes over the spindly form of Kraglin, stretched out on the bench using Gamora's boot as a pillow; Drax, hulking and pillowed against a somewhat squished Mantis; Rocket, curled tail and all around one of Nebula's legs; and Groot, just large enough to fit in the nest that Gamora's hair has become. He has been hugging her ear for the better part of the last hour, during which Gamora dozed on and off, ignored Drax's inevitable snoring, and lazily watched the door for potential threats.

They're aboard the Benatar, so that was foolish. But her family's arms were warm around her, so she did it anyway.

"There's room behind me," Gamora says, with an innocent pragmatism that she has just recently come to appreciate in herself. It always tilts the angle of Peter's smile in good directions.

"Yeah?" he says.

"Well. A little bit."

He leans down and kisses her forehead and she is more or less disarmed. "Some other night, babe," he says.

"Okay," says Gamora, and lets herself slip back into her nap, the hum of Nebula's circuitry peaceful in her ear.

[alisonsfics]

Keeping Secrets

Pairing: Derek Morgan x Reader

Request: “Can I request a Derek one, where the reader and Derek are together and both work for BAU and they are on a case where a whole family was murdered including the children, and it's hard for reader to keep her emotions in because she recently found out she was pregnant but hasn't told Derek yet and only JJ knows.” - @lovingthereign25

Word Count: 1.8k

Warnings: case details

The team was currently on the jet, flying to the next case that had been assigned to, in Cleveland, Ohio. Hotch handed out the case files to everyone. You opened it and saw a picture of a family that had been murdered, brutally.

“Oh my god” you exclaimed, under your breath as you quickly closed the file. It wasn’t like you were some monster that didn’t normally get affected by crime scene photos, but currently it affected you a bit more than usual.

You were pregnant. The only one who knew was JJ. You and Derek, your boyfriend of three years, had been trying to have kids for a while. When you found out, you were absolutely ecstatic.

You wanted to tell Derek more than anything in the world, but you just wanted to tell him in the most perfect way you could. You wanted it to be special, so you had waited.

But, when you were sitting in your bathroom, tearing up. You had to call someone to share the good news with, so you called JJ. You had made her promise to not tell Derek, and currently he had no idea.

Derek, who was sitting next to you, saw your reaction to the picture. He placed one hand on your thigh and began to rub his thumb in a circle, attempting to calm you down. Derek was always hyper aware of how you were feeling, and he was always there to make sure you were okay.

The team began talking about the details of the case, and you eventually were able to look at the picture. That didn’t mean that it didn’t create a giant pit in your stomach, because it definitely still did that.

The team arrived at the police station and began to set up your room. “JJ and Y/N, I want you to go to interview a relative of the family. She’s the grandmother of the children, on the maternal side” Hotch told you, before leaving the room.

You felt like you were going to puke. You couldn’t fathom the idea of talking to a woman who had just lost her daughter and her grandchildren.

You left the room with JJ and she pulled you to the side. “I can take someone else, if you don’t feel up to it” she told you, placing a hand on your shoulder. “I can still do my job” you assured her.

Your biggest fear is that the team would treat you differently once they found out you were pregnant.

“Y/N, you could barely stand to look at the crime scene photos. That doesn’t make you any less of an agent, just stay here” JJ told you, encouragingly.

“Okay” you said, walking back into the room. “Hey Derek, can you go with JJ? I have a theory that I want to run over with Spencer” you said, completely lying. Derek gave you an unsure look, but agreed.

Once he left, Spencer and Emily were the only two in the room with you. “Are you okay? You seemed different on the plane” Spencer asked you. “Yeah, I don’t know why, but this case just feels different. I can barely stand to look at those pictures. I wasn’t the right person to talk to the family” you told them, being partially honest. You knew exactly why this case felt different.

The three of you started to work on a preliminary profile. You three had come up with a few theories, but nothing seemed to fit perfect yet. Until, you finally had an idea. You were about to call Hotch and tell him you were ready to deliver the profile, when Derek walked in the room with JJ.

The both seemed frustrated and defeated, and you couldn’t figure out why. “What’s going on?” Spencer asked you, also noticing the shift in their behavior.

“Another family was just found murdered in their home. The unsub has completely changed tactics. They were precise before and now they were messy. None of our profile fits” Derek said, sighing.

You felt nauseous. While the team had been struggling to come up with a profile, another family had lost their lives. It was hard to not blame yourself, maybe if you had figured it out sooner, they would still be here.

You could feel yourself starting to tear up, you tried to calm yourself down, but you just couldn’t.

The only thing you could imagine was the fear that those children must of felt. Or the terror the parents must have had watching their children in pain. It broke your heart.

How were you supposed to bring a child into this world when you knew about how evil this world really was?

“Y/N, you okay?” Emily asked you, noticing how upset you looked. “Umm yeah, I just need a minute” you said, turning to leave the room. “Y/N, wait” Derek said, walking over to you. JJ tried to stop him, but he pushed past her and followed you out of the room.

“You don’t have to do this, go help the rest of the team. I’ll be fine, Derek” you told him, not trying to be dismissive, but you knew you couldn’t tell him the real reason. “Something is up with you, I know something is going on. Just let me help you” he told you, interlacing your fingers.

“Why does something have to be going on. I got emotional looking at crime scene photos, okay? Children were murdered, that isn’t okay. I think I had a pretty normal reaction to seeing something like that” you said, defensively.

“Come on, let’s go talk” Derek said, putting his arm around your shoulders and walking into an abandoned conference room.

“Talk to me” he told you. You didn’t know what to say. You couldn’t get those children’s faces out of your mind. “They were too young” you whispered, finally letting your walls fall down.

“I know, and we are doing everything we can to catch this sick bastard and make him pay for what he did to those families. But I have to know what’s going on with you” he told you, holding both of your hands. “You want to know what’s going on? While we were here, failing to come up with a profile, this guy took more innocent lives” you said, emotionally.

By now, you were on the verge of completely starting to cry. Derek pulled you into his arms and held you tightly. “Shhh it’s okay. I know you’re upset, but you cannot blame yourself. You can blame the unsub and be really angry at him, we all are. But don’t blame yourself” he told you, reassuringly.

After you had calmed down, Derek pulled away from you. “Are you really okay?” He asked you, sincerely wanting to know. “Yes, I’m fine. Let’s get back in there, I want to catch this guy” You told him, wiping the tears from your face.

Derek didn’t really seem convinced by your answer, but he knew that you would tell him when you were ready. You both rejoined the team and began to work more on the profile. By the end of the day, you had brought in a suspect for questioning.

You were in the conference room when Hotch and Rossi brought him in the front door of the police station. You felt a mixture of emotions. You slightly felt relieved because you may have caught the guy that committed these crimes. You also felt disgusted looking at someone that could have committed unspeakable crimes.

You, Derek, Spencer, JJ, and Emily were all standing outside of the interrogation room when the suspect confessed the crimes to Hotch. You started to feel the tears in your eyes again. The way the unsub talked about his crimes with a smile on his face made you sick to your stomach.

You tried to discreetly wipe the tears from your eyes, but you were unsuccessful. Derek noticed right away, but didn’t want to make a scene.

He put his arm around you and led you back into the room the team had set up in. It was now empty because everyone was watching the interrogation.

“I know you better than anyone and I know something is wrong. You’ve been acting off all day. What aren’t you telling me, babygirl?” He asked you, concerned.

“I’m pregnant” you blurted out, not being able to conceal it anymore. Derek just stared at you, not being able to comprehend what you had just told him. But after a few seconds, he had cupped your face.

“Are you really pregnant?” He asked you, in complete shock. He had a single tear rolling down his cheek. You just nodded and smiled at him.

He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into a hug. He held you tighter than he ever had before. “I can’t believe this! This is the best day of my life” he whispered, as he held you close. He stroked your hair and you could tell he was starting to cry.

“I’m sorry I waited so long to tell you, but I wanted it to be perfect” you told him, honestly. He pulled away from you and cupped your face again. “It is perfect, in every way” he said, kissing you.

You could feel some of his tears fall onto your face. Derek smiled as he kissed you and eventually pulled away. “We’re going to be parents, babygirl” he said, with a smile on his face. He kissed you on the forehead and pulled you in for another hug.

“Are you happy?” You asked him, as you both pulled away. “Are you kidding? I am thrilled, I’m through the roof” he said, picking you up and spinning you around.

Then, the rest of the team walked in the room and had confused expressions. “What’s going on here?” Rossi asked you, chuckling to himself, just from looking at the goofy grins on both your faces. You looked over at Derek, nonverbally asking if you could tell them.

He nodded and smiled at you. “We’re having a baby” you exclaimed, smiling at the team as you watched their faces of shock. Slowly, each one of their faces lit up.

“Congratulations” they all said. Emily was the first one to pull you into a hug. “All of you, come here” you said, and soon you were surrounded by all our your best friends in a massive group hug.

You all finally pulled away from each other. “So how are you feeling?” Spencer asked you, smiling at you. “I feel fine, I haven’t had any morning sickness or anything yet. But we could not be more excited” you said, as Derek put his arm around your waist and pulled you into his side.

You looked up at your boyfriend, who was beaming, and the rest of the team, who were all smiling, even Hotch, and you felt truly content. Everything felt perfect and at peace.

taglist: @reniescarlett @thelovelyrose @shyinadarkplace @azghedaheda @millipop18 @airiloveskuromi-chan @ssareidbby

Let me know if you want to be added to my taglist for all my imagines or for a specific character!!

Requests OPEN

[delicioussshame]

Please donate to my campaign. My goal is to get friends for Shen Yuan.

Shen Yuan almost jumps out of his skin when he hears a knock on the door. No one had ever visited Luo Binghe since he came to stay here, and he had gotten the impression that it wasn’t that Luo Binghe had sent his usual visitors away for his guest’s sake. He does believe that his favorite student had been dreadfully lonely, these past few years.

How somehow as endearing as Luo Binghe ended up alone and friendless, Shen Yuan cannot fathom.  

Still, if someone is knocking on the door, the doorman must have let them in? It must be important then. Shen Yuan cannot imagine nobodies are allowed anywhere within this complex.

He thinks about texting Luo Binghe to ask, but what if he disturbs him? He must be busy, away at his important job while Shen Yuan does nothing but lazing around. And Luo Binghe did imply that he wouldn’t be ashamed of Shen Yuan’s presence no matter what, so… let’s test that, shall we?

Shen Yuan opens the door.

Shang Qinghua’s frazzled expression faces him.

Shen Yuan almost closes the door in his former colleague’s face.

“Wait, what, Shen Yuan?! Woah, I had no idea you went back to your parents, I thought you said that bridge had burned. Anyway, would love to catch up, but I’m on the clock and at the wrong place, sorry, gotta go or my boss is gonna kill me, bye!”

Shen Yuan stops Shang Qinghua by the shoulder to stop him from leaving. “If you were looking for Luo Binghe, not that I have any idea why you would be, you’re not at the wrong place.”

“Really? Why? How? Is there a story here? Cause it sure seems like there’s a story here. Tell me the story! But later, I have to deliver this?” He waves a boring manilla envelope like it’s supposed to make sense.

“Who still sends letters?”

Shang Qinghua shrugs. “My boss.”

“You’re a mail carrier now? Nice upgrade.”

“Well, I do what I have to do, I don’t live with the country’s most eligible bachelor. Seriously Bro, what happened here? Isn’t he a bit young for you?”

Shen Yuan is sure his blush is terribly incriminating, but he can’t help it.

“Wow. You have to tell me now.”

Shang Qinghua is acting terribly familiar for a guy Shen Yuan hasn’t seen since graduation. “Why should I?”

But Shang Qinghua has already let himself in, unceremoniously dropping the envelope on the nearest table and taking everything in with wide eyes before he lets himself fall on Luo Binghe’s designer couch without a care in the world. “C’mon. Fess up.”

“How about you? Why are you even here? For all I know you’re a thief trying to rob the place.”

Shang Qinghua snorts. “Not exactly my speed.” He shrugs. “Teaching didn’t pay the bills, got an administrative assistant job instead and somehow ended up working for one of Luo Binghe’s associates, hence the private delivery service. How about you? When I saw you earlier, I was sure you were retired and profiting off that sweet family money, but was I wrong? Or is this those Shen connections at work?”

Shen Yuan frowns. Why did he even tell this guy about his family again?

Oh yes, because he had been young, stupid and drunk: the university experience. “No. Luo Binghe is a former student of mine. I’m visiting.”

Shang Qinghua gives him the world’s judgiest look. “Visiting.”

Shen Yuan nods, face still as a lake. “Visiting.”

“While Luo Binghe isn’t there.”

Shen Yuan nods again. “It’s a long visit. I’m staying here right now.”

“At your former student’s house. Look, I’m just gonna say it: sleeping with your student is bad. Don’t do it! That way lies lawsuits!”

“Former student! And it’s not like that!” Technically correct. They haven’t slept together, not in the way Shang Qinghua implies they did. “He’s just lonely and a bit deluded. It’ll pass.”

Probably.

No, not even Shen Yuan believes it at this point. One can only be kissed so often before one has to face reality: Luo Binghe certainly thinks he cares about Shen Yuan more than a student should care about any teacher.

Shen Yuan just isn’t sure what he should do about it.

“If it’s not like that, which, Bro, you’re not making a good case for, you’re staying with him because…?”

“I’m on vacation?” Shen Yuan lies back on the cool leather. “It’s a nice place for it, and cheap.”

“And your “former student” was eager to host you. You, his high school teacher? Because from what my boss told me, Luo Binghe isn’t exactly famous for his openness. I’m half-certain Mobei-Jun sent me here as punishment. He wanted someone else to chew me up this time.”

Shen Yuan snorts. “Still very competent, I see.”

“Well, at least I was teaching my students, not offering “extra credits” if they stayed after class. And since when are you into men, anyway? You always acted like you didn’t notice when men hit on you.”

“Men never hit on me.”

It’s Shang Qinghua’s turn to laugh. “Glad to see that didn’t change. Luo Binghe must be something, to have managed to get through you. What did he tell you, that he wanted to bend you over the nearest desk? Anything less and you’d have been blind to it.”

For fuck’s sake can Shang Qinghua stop saying shit that embarrasses the hell out of Shen Yuan? It’d be very appreciated.

“Oh shit, he totally did! Go him! Did it work? Tell me it worked!”

“No! Can’t you shut up for once in your meaningless life!”

“Not gonna happen. I need to know more. He made a move, and you’re living with him now? His charisma must be something else. At that speed, when’s the wedding? No, wait, how long has this been going on? We haven’t seen each other in forever, you might have been “visiting” for three years as far as I know.”

This is torture. “Didn’t you say you had somewhere to be?”

Shang Qinghua waves his attempt at deflection away. “Forget it, this is way more interesting. Even Mobei-Jun will want in on this. Sooooo?”

Shen Yuan sighs. “I’ve only been here a few weeks. As I said, it’s just a vacation. I’ll leave once the school year starts again.”

“Why can’t you stay here anyway? That dear student of yours must want to keep you, right? Unless you’re really being bankrolled by your parents, this is way nicer than anything you could possibly afford.”

“No matter what he says, I’m not becoming Luo Binghe’s trophy wife.”

Shang Qinghua’s eyes widen. “Ooh, your student wanna be your daddy? He’s paying you to keep you around, is that it? Oh, that has to be it. Explains the weird evasiveness thing you’ve got going on. Never knew you had it in you. I’m impressed, really. Much better gig than my own. I wish my boss would pay me to lounge around on his expensive furniture. I’d be great at that. Plus, you know, it’s not like it’d be a hardship. Mobei-Jun is scorching. I’d be his arm candy any day. Maybe he’d be less likely to murder me that way.”

Shen Yuan longs desperately to return to the web novel he so cruelly abandoned to let his worst nightmare in. “I’d give you my job, but honestly Binghe deserves better.” Better than Shen Yuan, too. “At least you’re into men. Makes things easier.”

Shang Qinghua’s face falls. “Are you telling me you’re not into him? Like, at all? Why are you even here then? The money can’t be that good. Return to your parents and get them to arrange a marriage to a rich heiress. Same result, plus you’re attracted to your partner. Better?”

Shen Yuan flinches in horror. “No! Not better! My parents AND some spoiled brat who only cares about my name? Fuck no. Binghe is infinitely better than that!”

Shang Qinghua laughs. “So you do like him! Good for you! Go get him, tiger!”

“No! Well, yes I do, Binghe is very likable, but not like that!”

“Oh my god can you hear the shit that comes out of your mouth? Look, you obviously trust him enough to agree to be his live-in boy toy, and okay, I haven’t seen you in forever, but whatever you’re doing is visibly agreeing with you. What were you doing anyway? It’s not like Luo Binghe is here most of the day.”

Shen Yuan shrugs. “Catching up on my reading, mostly.”

Shang Qinghua chokes. “Fuck you. He’s paying you to read? While I’m still trying to get pay to write? I hate you with every single atom of my being.”

“Wait, you’re still writing? Please tell me you’ve upgraded genre, at least.”

“Well…”

“Oh god show me now so I can change your mind before you waste even more of your life on this trash,” says Shen Yuan like he hadn’t caved and spent Luo Binghe’s hard-earned money on extras for novels he hates.

___________________

Luo Binghe is caught completely off guard by the loud voices echoing in his home. Even with Laoshi here, silence is what usually he’s greeted with.

Today, Shen Yuan’s voice is alight with what sounds like righteous anger. He can’t quite place the second one.

Luo Binghe follows the call like a sailor freed from his bonds.

He finds Shen-laoshi half-draped over his chair, Mobei-Jun’s lackey sitting at the desk Luo Binghe had bought for his teacher alone, both of them apparently enraptured with an argument about… bad literature?

Luo Binghe wishes he could be pleased with the sight of Shen-laoshi being this animated, but he can’t. He’s not the one who caused it. This little, insignificant man did, to the point that neither of them noticed his approach.

Luo Binghe taps Shen Yuan’s shoulder. “Laoshi.”

Both of them turn toward him, but only Shen-laoshi gets Luo Binghe’s tongue down his throat.

He is very pleased with the outraged look on his teacher’s face. “Binghe! Not in front of the guest!”

The interloper jumps out of Laoshi’s chair. “Guest? What guest? There is no guest, no one here’s. In fact, I should have left hours ago, oh god Mobei-Jun is going to kill me. Shen Yuan, please give Luo Binghe the envelope, sorry for bothering you both, talk to you later, gotta go byyyye!”

Luo Binghe watches the little man flee in terror with satisfaction. Good riddance.

Let’s see him try to contest Luo Binghe’s claim now. “How does Laoshi know Mobei-Jun’s personal assistant?”

“We studied together in college.”

Luo Binghe pouts. How could an old friend of Shen-laoshi find him here? “Were you two close?”

Shen Yuan shrugs. “Not especially. Why do you ask?”

That can’t be true. They were so at ease around each other. It can take Luo Binghe hours to get Shen-laoshi this relaxed.

He stays silent.

Shen Yuan stares at him. “Binghe.”

“…Yes?”

“I realise this is going to sound ridiculous, and for that I’m sorry, but are you.., jealous? Of Shang Qinghua?”

Luo Binghe might be pouting harder. “No. Why would I be jealous of one of Shen-laoshi’s friends he never told me about.”

A (very cute) smile appears shows up on Shen Yuan’s face. “You. Luo Binghe. Are jealous of Shang Qinghua.”

He dares to laugh! It’s not funny!

This time, Luo Binghe is definitely pouting harder.

“Binghe. Binghe. You’re you. Shang Qinghua is… Shang Qinghua. What do you have to be jealous about? He’s just Shang Qinghua! Come back to your senses!”

Well, that does cheer Luo Binghe right up. “Shen-laoshi likes me better!”

Shen Yuan rolls his eyes. “Of course I do.”

Luo Binghe’s chest remains warm for the rest of the day.

[jbuffyangel]

The Bermuda Triangle: Arrow 1x13 Review (Betrayal)

Time to deal with this love triangle and all the ways it is awful.

Let’s dig in...

L*uriver vs. Merlance

I frequently say to myself as I rewatch Season 1 that the triangle makes sense in theory. The writers have all the components, albeit clichéd, that should create a love triangle full of juicy drama.

Man wrongs woman in another life thereby destroying any future together

Woman falls for secret identity without realizing it is the same man who hurt her

Man “gives up” woman for her own good 

Man and best friend are in love with the same woman

Best friend changes his ways and becomes the perfect boyfriend

Woman no longer wants best friend and instead lusts for secret identity bad boy

And round and round we go. The problem is this doesn’t really tread any new ground. How many times have we seen this type of love triangle play out? MANY TIMES. Not saying a tried and true trope can’t be repeated, but if you’re going to use it then try to inject some new life into it. 

Arrow stays stubbornly in between the lines on this one, which means there are no real surprises. We know exactly where this is headed. Everyone is just waiting for L*urel to choose Oliver. Hell, even Tommy knows it is coming someday.

This brings us to our second problem. L*urel choosing Oliver is so inevitable it doesn’t require a lot of character growth for either of them. L*urel and Oliver have not dealt with ANY of the issues that caused their demise. Yes, Oliver cheated on L*urel, but there were reasons why he cheated. Those have yet to be discussed. 

We’re supposed to accept that since Oliver is wearing the hood and is out saving the streets as the vigilante then he is “worthy” of L*urel again. We’re supposed to be waiting with baited breath for L*urel to discover Oliver’s secret identity, realize he’s the man in the hood she’s been lusting after, and fall back into his arms where she belongs.

I think not. Don’t get me wrong. I love me a good triangle. I loved The Vampire Diaries. Two brothers in love with the same woman. Interesting. Woman looks exactly like the lost love that destroyed their bond a hundred years earlier? MORE INTERESTING. And kinky. 

I enjoy exploring the varying ways love is expressed in different relationships and what it can reveal about the characters. There isn’t always a right or wrong choice. There’s just a choice and it reflects the kind of love you need to live.

But I understand the complaints about love triangles. Oliver, L*urel and Tommy are the PERFECT validation of those complaints. It’s a tired way to insert some drama that has a completely predictable ending. The even bigger problem is there’s barely enough heat to melt an ice cube. L*uriver is frigid. Merlance is better, but they certainly aren’t an inferno.

“Betrayal” does an excellent job of highlighting all the love triangle problems which plague Season 1. We’re all waiting for L*urel to see that Oliver is a changed man. If only she knew he was The Hood! Her anger and hurt over Sara blinds her ability to see those changes. He needs to wear the mask, so L*urel can see who Oliver truly is. God that sounds good doesn’t it?

 IT’S NOT GOOD.

Sara was a symptom of much bigger problems between L*urel and Oliver. He did not want to be with L*urel, so he blew their relationship up in a fairly spectacular display of self sabotage.

Why doesn’t Oliver want to be with L*urel? Well... welcome to Oliver’s mind. He’s been asking himself that same question for the last five years. If he wanted to be with L*urel then he would have never left town. He would have never cheated on her with Sara. Then Sara would be alive. His father would be alive. EVERY ounce of guilt Oliver Queen carries is connected to that one single choice of leaving L*urel.

So, it’s fairly easy to understand why Oliver thinks being with L*urel will fix everything. If he can fix things with L*urel then he’s truly forgiven. It washes away the sins of the past. It’s like it never happened. At this point, this is what Oliver wants more than ANYTHING. He can’t bring Sara or Robert back. But he can resuscitate his dead relationship with his ex-girlfriend. Close enough. The man isn’t choosey after five years of misery.

Unfortunately, Oliver hasn’t changed at all when it comes to L*urel Lance. Oh I know BUT THE HOOD. Listen y’all, throwing on leather accessories and playing Robin Hood doesn’t equate to relationship therapy. Sorry writers. I need more than crime fighting to believe Oliver can be the perfect boyfriend now.

He continues to make all the same mistakes. OLIVER IS STILL LYING TO L*UREL. He lies to her every day.  He lies when he’s wearing the hood. He lies when he’s not wearing the hood. LIES LIES LIES LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIESS. Oliver continues to hide who he truly is from L*urel. Different outfit. Same problems.

This brings us to SO. MUCH. MISOGYN. Lance is using the phone The Hood gave L*urel to trap him. Whenever we are looking at betrayal and the Lance family it’s important to grade on a curve. It’s a dirty move on Quentin’s part, but far from the gold medal of betrayals this family achieves.

Source: @laurelsource

Everyone finds out that L*urel is working with the Hood and by everyone I mean Tommy. Quentin follows L*urel with a battalion of police officers to her meeting with The Hood. He’s gathered information on a newly released crime boss, Cyrus Vanch. When Oliver realizes they’ve been busted he holds L*urel by the throat as cover so he can jump off the roof. BuT tHeIr LoVe Is iS hEaLtHy.

Source: @dinahlaurellancesource

As L*urel rants to her current boyfriend (yes I use the word “current” on purpose), he pieces together that she’s been lying to him about working with The Hood.

Source: THEARROWGIFS:

L*urel: He's been lying to me for weeks.

Tommy: Yeah feels like crap doesn't it?

Are we surprised L*urel fails to see the hypocrisy in her little rant?

We are not. This is why Tommy was always the better man for L*urel. He actually had a pair and would call her on her BS. Oliver was incapable of doing until well into Season 2, but I digress.

So, Tommy goes to his best friend Oliver for relationship advice. I know this is a television show, but why in the ever living mother of Zeus do L*urel and Tommy think OLIVER is the best person to ask for relationship advice?

Oliver: Tommy, every time you want to talk to me about something, and that something is L*urel, you look like you’re about to tell me you have some terminal disease.

Me: He does have a terminal disease. It’s called L*URIVER.

Tommy: She’s been working with The Hood guy.

Oliver: What? You’re letting her work with that crazy person? She could get hurt Tommy.

Tommy: I’m not letting her do anything. I only just found out about it.

I know this episode aired in 2012, but talk about some patriarchal bullshit. The entire episode is filled with language like this. Quentin, Oliver, Tommy and The Hood all act like L*urel needs their permission to go to the bathroom. New flash fellas: If L*urel wants to engage in nightly rendezvous with a serial killer that’s her business.

L*urel says something to similar effect, but is summarily blown off by whatever male she’s speaking to. She meets up with The Hood after he and Lance save her from Cyrus Vanch.  

Source: BJ-HUNNICUTTS-BLOG 

It seems The Hood didn’t think through all the ways talking to L*urel on a phone and meeting her secretly on rooftops would put her in danger.

Source: BJ-HUNNICUTTS-BLOG

L*urel: I knew the risks.

The Hood: Now I know them and I’m not willing to take them with you.

L*urel: What does that mean?

It means he wants to bone you, L*urel. Get a clue. 

Holy hell, these conversations make her look stupid. L*urel, do you know a lot of six foot men with similar build and facial hair to Oliver Queen? 

Maybe she would take issue with his infantilizing if she stopped speaking like a three year old whenever The Hood is around. 

Source: LAURELSOURCE

She has this dazed expression too. I know L*urel is so overwhelmed with all the ATTRACTION and LUST that her eyes dilate and the bosom heaves, but I’m starting to think a taser gun is how they forced Katie do scenes with Stephen.

Source: @dinahlaurellancesource 

The point is nobody is all that interested in L*urel’s agency – INCLUDING L*UREL. I understand “secret identity” is a very common trope in hero’s stories, but it never makes any sense to me. Shouldn’t the “true love” be the first person to know who the hero is and not the last? Oliver keeps saying he can’t tell the people he loves who he truly is because it will put them in danger. So, he doesn’t care if Diggle gets killed? His logic makes no sense.  If this was truly about protecting people then why did he need a partner?

And no – you can’t use John can protect himself. We just watched L*urel throw down with that umbrella. She was lethal. 

Source: @dinahlaurellancesource 

Oliver is the king of compartmentalization. He does not know how to merge his two selves yet. He cannot fathom showing Thea, Moira, Tommy and L*urel his darkest self because that means being honest about what happened the five years he was away and what it did to him. That will be a hard pass from our leather clad hero.

My other issue with the love triangle (in addition to all the lying and misogyny) is Oliver comes off like an asshole. He manipulates Tommy with statements like, "L*urel is lying? That doesn't seem like her” and “ have an honest chat with her” like there is something in their relationship causing her to lie or that Tommy is responsible for L*urel’s behavior. He’s slowly pecking away at the Merlance walls until it crumbles. DIRTY POKER OLIVER QUEEN.

But then we arrive at this gross fest:

Tommy: There’s some sort of infatuation thing going on here. We both know that she has a pretty strong track record of being attracted to guys who are dangerous, who break the rules. Show me a more dangerous rule breaker than The Hood.

Oliver: I just think you need to have an honest chat with her. Find out the real reason she’s keep secrets.

Tommy: I just can’t believe that L*urel of all people would lie to my face. I guess that’s the way it is with the people you are closest to.

Oliver: I know, but talk to her anyway. And fix this before it becomes something that’s unfixable.

Did this conversation actually happen?

Does anyone else find it weird that Tommy and Oliver psychoanalyze L*urel’s dating preferences? 

And even weirder they are ACCURATE? 

Credit where credit is due. L*urel likes bad boys right up until they become good boys. Then she’s off to find the next asshole that will lie, cheat and disappoint her. (We could do an entire novel’s worth of L*urel Lance’s toxic dating choices).

Even worse, Tommy concludes she has the hots for The Hood like it’s nothing. Like it’s completely normal and okay behavior. 

Holy hell man! Tommy, maybe L*urel has beaten any self respect into the ground, but IT’S OK TO EXPECT YOUR GIRLFRIEND TO NOT BE INFATUATED WITH OTHER MEN.

What’s really gross is Oliver lies straight to Tommy’s face (no differently than L*urel did) while using the secret identity to engage in inappropriate flirting with his best friend’s girlfriend. He uses the hood to say things to L*urel that he would NEVER say as Oliver Queen. And L*urel never tells The Hood she has a boyfriend or to back off. In fact, she encourages the behavior. THIS. IS. CHEATING. Maybe not physical, but it sure is emotional.

Let’s also never forget L*urel started sleeping with Tommy as a way to stick it to Oliver. She wasn’t expecting to develop real feelings for Tommy, and I do believe she loves him, but that doesn’t erase the toxicity of this cycle that somebody needs to end.

There’s just no good here, my friends. 

Source: @dinahlaurellancesource 

The writers are relying on an empty “they are supposed to be together” promise without providing any evidence why. Neither L*urel nor Oliver has changed in a meaningful way to support giving their relationship another try. The problem between them wasn’t whether or not Oliver fought street crime. The problem was honesty. Between all the lying and just-on-the-line cheating, I’d argue they bring out the worst in each other. Nuclear winter has better chemistry. Need I go on?

Ok. I will.

The only one who has shown any growth is Tommy. This is change L*urel encouraged in Tommy, but then he became dependable and honest, so she started lusting after The Hood. Both Oliver and L*urel are lying to him about a variety of things. With friends like these who needs enemies? 

L*urel is treated like some prize, but is she a prize they really want to win? Neither man is given a reason to love L*urel beyond she’s who they are supposed to want.

Source: @dinahlaurellancesource 

Don’t get me wrong. I am a Merlance shipper, but it is hard to root for their ship at this point. If the writers just left them alone and let them be adorable then it would be fine.

Source: @dinahlaurellancesource 

BUT. THEY. KEEP. INSERTING. OLIVER.

And where is L*urel’s character? We’re thirteen episodes in and she’s too busy flip flopping personalities for me to nail her down to one specifically. For arguments sake, let’s say the hot and cold behavior IS one of her main traits. It only surfaces in relation to Oliver. L*urel flips on him which causes her to flop on Tommy. L*urel’s actions are simply a reaction to Oliver.  That’s not agency. That’s a prop.

Source: @dinahlaurellancesource 

It’s almost like the writers can’t be bothered with more. She’s a justice seeking, self sacrificing attorney who works pro bono. TA DA! Character is complete. Nothing more to see here! 

Well, if that’s the criteria then why isn’t Joanna in the running for hero’s true love? Throw Annie Ilonzeh in a room with Stephen Amell. Let’s see if the chemistry is any better.

The writers haven’t constructed L*urel’s character beyond a hockey puck for Tommy and Oliver to pass to each other until we reach the inevitable conclusion of L*urel “choosing” Oliver. It’s like watching a train speed toward a brick wall. I know the crash is coming, but I’m not apprehensive about it or grotesquely fascinated or even scared. I’m just want out of this Bermuda Triangle.

Quentin and L*urel

The only real interesting facet of L*urel’s character is her relationship with her father. I love the raw pain between them. It is always just under the surface. The writers throw those problems like grenades in their scenes together. Katie isn’t given much to work with, but her best material is always with Paul Blackthorne.

Source: LAURELSOURCE 

Quentin using his daughter as bait was brilliant, but shadey. Super shadey. It also had the unintended consequence of getting her kidnapped by a mob boss. Oops. I sort of love that Quentin had to eat crow and call The Hood for help once he figured out there was a dirty cop feeding Vance information.

L*urel is in a rage after being held hostage by The Hood. (He can use her as a human shield because he loves her. No problems here. Nope nope nope!) Quentin really hoped L*urel would appreciate his fine detective work, but she’s pretty pissed off about all the guns pointed at her. She feels her father has lost his perspective on this particular case.

L*urel: Are you gonna find another criminal? Someone else to blame for mom leaving, for Sara dying, for your drinking?

The gloves come off! Daaaaaamn. The booze? We’re going there? Meow.

I agree Quentin Lance has an addictive personality. He directs his rage and grief into an outlet he can control. Hmm… who else does that?

However, L*urel’s indignation is a little much. She is cavorting with a known criminal. The same criminal her father is investigating. L*urel does nothing to help the investigation and one could argue she impedes the investigation. This is called obstruction of justice, Counselor. L*urel actually commissioned the crime The Hood is perpetrating this week, so she could also be charged as an accessory after the fact. Maybe even aiding and abetting. So, her horror at the police pointing guns at her is somewhat ludicrous. Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time.

Source: LAURELSOURCE 

L*urel spends much of the episode fighting the rampant patriarchy and misogyny of the men around her by firmly accepting the danger of working with the vigilante.  She is prepared to take those risks. 

Source: LAURELSOURCE 

But then L*urel is appalled the second she’s put in any danger and holds all the men responsible for not keeping her safe.

She can be mad her dad lied to her, but stop clutching the pearls. If L*urel wants to play the vigilante game then she is going to be used as bait and occasionally get kidnapped. That’s what everyone means by danger, girl. You’re either in or you’re out. If you’re in then you don’t get to blame anyone else for danger knocking on your door. Own your choices honey. THY NAME IS AGENCY.

Oliver and Diggle

This is week 323 of Diggle arguing that Moira is guilty as sin and Oliver ignoring the massive pile of evidence supporting that belief. 

Ok, it hasn’t been that many weeks, but it feels like it. Thou Shall Not Question Diggle. He is always right, but Oliver digs his stubborn heels in. So, John offers to drive Moira around for a week and bugs her. As one does.

Oliver: You bugged my mother?

This is how OTA shows their love, Oliver.  Diggle knows Moira is a slippery snake and can wiggle out of any question Oliver asks her. She even burns the copy of the List Felicity gave him after Oliver confronts her with it.  

Moira insists she never associated with the people in Robert’s book and knew it only as a list of people who owed him favors. Oliver believes his mother is trying to protect her children from Walter’s fate.

So, John gets Moira ON TAPE discussing The Undertaking with Malcolm Merlyn and the sabotage of Robert Queen’s boat. 

We’re going to ignore that Moira’s voice is perfectly identifiable, but Merlyn’s is about ten octaves lower. The point is these are information diamonds Diggle unearths and Oliver FINALLY agrees to pay his mother a visit as The Hood.

Flashbacks

The best part of the flashbacks is meeting all the people who helped Oliver Queen become The Hood. 

Source: @olivergifs​

Hello Slade Wilson! He’s a massively important character in Arrow and it is fun to rewatch how he came into Oliver’s life.

Slade and his partner, the man who tortured Oliver, are Australian Intelligence who came to Lian Yu to free Yao Fei. Slade and Yao Fei have been monitoring an air field so they can escape the island, but he cannot take it alone. There is always a reason behind all of Yao Fei’s actions, but it takes Slade a minute to figure out why he sent Oliver.

Slade: You have no skill. No strength. No training. To say you fight like a girl would be a compliment.

I’m equally indignant and amused by that line. Slade doesn’t believe Oliver will be any help to him because well… he met him. If Oliver is ever captured again he could reveal Slade’s location.  So, he decides to behead Oliver. It’s the nice thing to do. It won’t hurt a bit. What can I say guys? It’s Lian Yu! These are how the memories are made.

Oliver dislocates his shoulder and punches Slade in a vain attempt to defend himself. Yao Fei may be a softer judge of character, but he’s not wrong about Oliver’s survival instinct. Slade sees the fight in Oliver’s eyes and finally understands why Yao Fei sent him. They need Oliver to survive as much as he needs them. He might not be much to look at now, but Slade Wilson is just the man to harness Oliver’s will and turn him into the fighter they all need him to become.

Stray Thoughts

David Anders is like my personal Kevin Bacon. He's in everything I watch. #Arrow #TVD #Alias #OUAT

I was never all that jazzed when L*urel was the damsel in distress and I love that crap. Another clue I didn't ship it. Source:  LAURELSOURCE

Do people on this show not realize you can’t touch evidence? JFC.

Twenty four arrows in the quiver. Good to know.

“It doesn’t mean I have to read the bastard his rights though.” IF YOU WANT THE CHARGES TO STICK YOU DO.

I am so confused on what type of law L*urel practices. Her firm works for a victim’s advocacy group, but she also prosecutes criminal cases. This feels like a radiologist performing heart surgery.

KC is just really bad at action scenes. It's always so awkward.

Musings of the Kiddo

Kiddo: Does he ever run out of arrows?

Me: He has extra in the car.

Disclaimer: Any gifs on the blog are not mine. If you would like a gif removed from my reviews, please message me.

If you’d like to support the blog, please buy me a cup of tea!

[ayanna-wild]

A Place To Call Home

Word Count: 1557

Pairings: Lucifer Morningstar x Reader

Warnings: angst, possible trigger, fluff

A/N: Request from anonymous, And thank you all so much for being so supportive, screw the haters, you guys are amazing and I truly couldn't ask for better readers!

Tag list and Request are open!

Summary: He seldom came to this part of the city, where the people who resided would sooner rob him then help him. But he had a favor to collect on. While he waited to cross the street, he notices a small crowd of people and there you are at the center, torn clothes, dirty, and giving away all the money you had just collected from the crowd who had bought your art. He can't help but be curious and you soon find a persistent devil tailing after you. Wondering why you gave everything when it was clear you had nothing. 

..................................................................................

Lucifer sighed as he stood impatiently on the sidewalk. This light always seemed to take so long to change, with how old it looked he was surprised it even functioned at all anymore. He'd have crossed the street already, light be damned, if he didn't think someone might run him over. He wouldn't put it past anyone in this part of the city. Most watched him like greedy vultures, waiting for his demise, so they could swoop in and collect from his misery.

A small crowd of people gathered around someone who was sitting on a blanket. He didn't think much of it, they'd been there a while. He turned his attention back to the light, just in time to see it flicker before fizzing out all together. 

"Oh bloody hell." 

Lucifer glared at the wretched thing, looking both ways to see if he could safely cross. He wouldn't even be here if the Detective hadn't asked him to use one of his favors. He was beginning to regret agreeing. He'd been seconds from stepping off the broken concrete, and onto the street when he threw one last glance over his shoulder. The crowd had dispersed, and he saw the person at the center was now gathering their blanket. He watched you closely as you walked a few feet down, handing the cup of money in your hand to an elderly woman.

The two of you seemed to argue for a moment, but ultimately it seemed you won and you draped the worn blanket you carried over her shoulders. Lucifer watched you walk away curiously before changing his direction. He approached the older woman with a kind smile.

"Excuse me, do you know who that was?" He asked politely.

She regarded him closely for a moment, almost suspiciously.

"I do. What's it to you?" 

Lucifer smiled at the woman's attempt to be intimidating.

"I simply wish to ask her a few things is all."

He held his hands up, trying to show her he meant no harm to her or you.

"Her name is Y/N, she lives not far from here." 

"And does she do that often? Give her money away like that?" 

The woman shrugged, peering into the cup you'd given her.

"Yes, sometimes to me, sometimes to other people, I always tell that girl not to worry about me. She's worse off than I am. I've got my coat for the winter, but she insists on giving away her stuff. Her hard-earned money, she's talented, if her situation was different she'd have made a name for herself by now."

Lucifer was even more intrigued now, and he glanced down the street.

"There's a soup kitchen close by, poor funding but it provides at least three meals a week. Hardly anything, but it's enough to keep some skin on her bones."

Lucifer frowned a little at that, and the elderly lady began to gather her stuff.

"It's the alley by the old deli, you can't miss it, she's draped this old blue tarp over a few crates. Bit rough, but it gets the job done." 

Lucifer thanked the woman before going on his way. He looked around the area, searching for the place she had described. He found you, placing an unused trashed bag over a hole in your tarp. You didn't notice him lingering as you taped the bag down.

"Not exactly a five-star hotel is it?"

You jumped at the sound of his voice, turning to face him with unease. Lucifer took a step into the alley, making you take one back.

"Maybe not, but it does the trick."

He watched you shiver, saw the goosebumps on your skin as you stood there.

"I don't have any drawings left to sell if that's why you're here."

Lucifer looked around the place you called home.

"You don't have much of anything by the looks of it." He hummed.

Your unease was gone, replaced instead by annoyance and you crossed your arms. 

"It's better than what I had before... where I was before." 

Lucifer frowned, tilting his head.

"Anyway, if you're just here to comment on my living situation than kindly fuck off." 

Your words were bitter, a stark contrast to the actions you had displayed earlier. Lucifer walked closer to you, but you didn't seem as hesitant this time.

"I apologize that was rather rude of me, I assure you that isn't why I'm here."

"Then why are you?" You looked at him skeptically, like you didn't trust his words.

"I suppose your act of selflessness quipped my curiosity so, I've come to ask you why." 

You looked at him confused and a little lost, and he continued, further explaining himself.

"You gave that woman all the money you made, from those drawings I'm assuming you spent hours making. Then you gave her your blanket, which by the looks of things was your only source of warmth for the winter, despite how tattered the thin fabric was. I simply wish to know why that is. Why share everything when you have nothing to give?" 

You stared at him a moment, studying him as you tried to gauge if maybe he had ulterior motive beyond his question. However, it seemed he really was just curious.

"Her name is Edrsia, she's almost seventy-years-old. She's not on the streets by choice, her son took everything she had and pawned it off. Her husband passed years before, and she couldn't afford even a shoe box size apartment. She helped me, when I first started living on the streets. So, I give her what I can, whether I can spare it or not."

You expected him to be satisfied with your answer, maybe even leave you alone, but your response seemed to have the opposite effect.

"Yes but why? From what I can tell you're barely making it yourself. I simply cannot fathom why you'd give up what little you do have. Just because she helped you once, that hardly means you should risk your own well-being to return such a small act."

You smiled a little, offering a small shrug.

"I guess because it's just the human thing to do. I don't need a good reason to help someone, just a reason."

Lucifer pondered over your answer silently and you glanced back towards your makeshift tent.

"It's supposed to rain tonight, I really should-"

"Would you like a place to stay for a while?"

You almost tripped over yourself when you heard that.

"What?"

"Not for free of course, you see I rather like your art, and my bar could use a bit of...artistic flare."

You suspicion didn't go unnoticed by the handsome man, and he gave you a charming smile.

"The choice is yours, I'm merely offering you a warm place and a small job."

You mulled it over, he didn't come off as the type of person to play a joke this cruel. Yet, you suspected he had some underlining goal to this.

"What do you get out of this?"

Lucifer grinned, your question making him like you all the more.

"It's been my experience that humans can be rather selfish creatures, very few offer any real selflessness. If nothing else you can at least teach me a bit more about this side of humanity."

The deal seemed almost too good to be true, and a part of you wanted to refuse. But your shaking hands and the numbness in your limbs told you that you couldn't afford to be stubborn, not unless you wanted to freeze to death.

"Okay."

"Marvelous! Then if we have a deal-"

You shook your head, not moving to shake his outstretched hand.

"Not yet. I'm only agreeing if you help Edrsia, she doesn't have good health, she can't survive another year out here." 

Lucifer once again seemed surprised, but he nodded regardless.

"Consider it done, now do we have a deal?"

This time you did shake his hand, and let out a yelp when he tugged on your arm pulling you to his side. He wrapped an arm around your shoulders, leading you down the street.

"Goodness you're chilled to the bone darling, here take this."

Lucifer released you to remove his jacket, but you shook your head looking almost ashamed.

"I live on the streets, showers aren't a luxury I can afford."

He ignored your protest draping the material over your shoulders, despite your words you quickly pulled it tighter around you.

"I don't mind my dear, it's not your fault."

You looked up at him smiling a bit.

"Thank you... I never got your name."

"Oh dear how rude of me to skip introductions, my name is Lucifer Morningstar."

"It's nice to meet you Lucifer, I'm Y/N."

He raised an eyebrow, but the smile never left his lips.

"No last name?" He inquired.

"Does it matter?" 

He hummed a little at your answer but didn't pry.

"I suppose not, well come on love, let's get you out of the cold."

You didn't argue when he placed a hand on your back, and you fought back grateful tears. Lucifer watched you from the corner of his eye, a soft smile on his lips, his heart swelling at the hope in your eyes.

Maybe you could teach the devil a thing or two about the better side of humanity.

..................................................................................

Tag List: @sallyp-53 @mizzezm @adira-secrets @we-are-all-alittle-strange-here @gingernarwal @im-just-along-for-the-ride @lifeshortbro @star-trek-is-my-lifesource @measure-in-pain @emiwrites3reads

[jalapeno-princess]

For Your Eyes Only

Mark Tuan x Reader

Genre: Extremely cheesy and sappy fluff

Summary: After a night of drinking with the rest of Got7, Mark calls you while drunk and can’t help but admit how much he misses you while he’s on tour.

A/N: Based on the song “If I could fly” by my first true loves One Direction.

If I could fly, I'd be coming right back home to you I think I might give up everything, just ask me to Pay attention, I hope that you listen cause I let my guard down Right now I'm completely defenseless For your eyes only, I show you my heart For when you're lonely and forget who you are I'm missing half of me when we're apart Now you know me, for your eyes only For your eyes only

The vibration against your head abruptly woke you from your sleep. You searched for your phone that you placed behind your pillow before you went to bed and took a few seconds to come to your senses before checking to see why your phone was going off.

Your heart warmed when you realized your boyfriend was trying to FaceTime you. Dating a Kpop idol could be difficult sometimes. The long distance, going days without getting to speak to each other and the rumors that surrounded your boyfriend made things a bit challenging. However, the love you had for Mark was stronger than anything negative that tried to get in the way of your relationship.

Mark had been extra clingy towards you in the past few days, constantly calling you and texting you; reminding you of how much he loved you, missed you and wanted nothing more than to be by your side again. Got7 had just started the beginning of their world tour and no matter how many times Mark had asked you to go with them, being a full time college student with a full time job ultimately prevented you from doing so.

He and the rest of the guys were currently in Paris, which meant that you were a day and six hours ahead of him. You were sure Mark was fully aware of what time it was, so he knew that you were sleeping. The two of you had gotten off the phone just a few hours ago, so you were worried that something bad happened. When you finally answered his FaceTime call, you knew right off the bat that your boyfriend was drunk. His glossy eyes, the pink in his cheeks and the huge grin on his face easily gave him away.

“Hey baby. How are you? What are you doing?” Although a part of you was irritated that he woke you up, even more so because he was clearly intoxicated, seeing him made your heart flutter.

“I was sleeping.” The frown that replaced his bright smile made you snicker.

“Shit y/n. I’m so sorry. I can call you back later. I just really miss you.” You released a long sigh and gave him a sad smile. Mark wasn’t one to drink. But when he got drunk, he always had his reasons for doing so. Either the guys went out to drink and handed him one too many glasses of wine, or he had something on his mind.

One of the main reasons as to why Mark was so in love with you, was because he felt safe with you. He told you every little thing about himself. From his dreams and goals, to his worries and insecurities. You knew him like the back of your hand. You could tell when something was wrong just by the intonation of his voice. Sure, he probably was out with the guys having fun and exploring the streets of Paris, but he wasn’t the type to get really drunk.

“I miss you too babe. You’re drunk aren’t you?” He was quick to nod in agreement and you couldn’t help the smile that crept up on your face at the sight of his wide and doe like eyes. Mark never admitted to things all too quickly, but being the lightweight he was, all it took was two beers for him to tell you all his secrets.

“I’m bothering you aren’t I? Wait hold on.” He put you on pause for a few seconds and your curiosity rose when you heard him groan. “Shit baby. It’s almost 3 in the morning where you are. I’m sorry. I’ll call you back tomorrow.”

You shook your head in attempts to let him know it was okay. Even if he was drunk and probably wouldn’t remember this conversation tomorrow morning, you savored every minute you got to talk with him. It didn’t matter to you that you had to wake up in just a few hours to get ready for school. Mark was your main focus in the moment and it made your heart flutter knowing he wanted to talk to you even if his mind wasn’t completely all there.

“It’s fine Mark. I want to talk to you. How’s Paris so far? And how much did you have to drink?” He shrugged.

“You already know that no matter how amazing these cities are, they have no meaning to me without you by my side. I can’t completely enjoy the so called “city of love” without the love of my life with me. I had a few glasses of wine. No big deal. I’m fine baby. Don’t worry about me.” You heard some shuffling coming from behind him and smirked when both Jinyoung and Yugyeom appeared on the screen.

“Hey y/n. Mark’s drunk because he misses youuuuu. He won’t stop crying over you. It’s honestly so disgusting how cute the two of you are. Why is it so dark? Where are you?” Jinyoung shoved the younger boy out of the frame and waved at you.

“Sorry about them y/n. We just got back from a wine tasting and as usual, all of the guys excluding me and Youngjae are drunk. I’m sorry if Mark woke you up. And as much as I hate saying this, Yugyeom is right. Mark wouldn’t stop talking about you and how much he misses you as we were walking around. That boy is head over heels in love with you y/n—ow! What? It’s not like she doesn’t already know.” Heat immediately rose to your cheeks and you felt yourself smiling widely at Jinyoung’s sudden outburst. No matter how many times Mark told you he loved you, hearing someone else say it sent fire to your bones.

“Okay, can you guys leave my girlfriend and I alone now? I’d like to talk to her without you idiots interrupting us.” The two boys scoffed while saying their goodbyes, leaving you and your boyfriend to yourselves. You could tell with the way he was furrowing his brows and sighing every so often that something was bothering him and you wouldn’t be able to sleep without knowing everything was okay with him.

“What’s on your mind my love?” He pouted slightly before repositioning his body so that he could lean in to his palm while talking to you.

“I um—I’ve been having a rough couple of days I guess. There’s so much going on and so many people are telling me how to live my life and they’ve been giving me their opinions of how I can better myself as an idol I guess—I’m sick of it. I know I’m considered to be the polite and quiet one, but at the same time I’m tired of people taking advantage of me and walking all over me like I’m nothing. As if I don’t have feelings myself. And it makes things worse that you’re not here with me to make all of this shit go away.” It didn’t take you long to notice the tears building up at the brim of his eyes and it was times like this that you really wish you were with him at the moment. Your boyfriend was a very sensitive guy, something you loved a lot about him.

There were times that the two of you would be lying together in bed with his arms wrapped tightly around your waist and his face buried in to the crook of your neck. These were the times, in the wee hours of the morning that Mark would pour his soul out to you. 3:00 in the morning heard all of his secrets, worries, inconsolable sobs and upsetting confessions. Although it hurt seeing Mark so fragile and vulnerable, those were some of your favorite times spent with him because you were the only one who got to see moments like that. You were the only one who got to see Mark 100% raw, emotional, frustrated with life and as much as you despised seeing Mark so upset, especially because you knew he deserved nothing but happiness, you were extremely grateful that he trusted you with his inner demons.

You wanted nothing more than to reach out to him and pull him in to your arms, letting him know that everything was going to be okay. But all you could do was listen, and tear up with him.

“I really want you to hold me, kiss me and tell me everything is going to be okay. I’m sorry baby. I didn’t want to burden you with my problems when I know you have a lot of your own. And I’m sorry for being away all the time. That’s another thing that’s bothering me. I can’t stop thinking about how I’ve been a shit boyfriend and how you deserve better. You deserve the entire world and more y/n, I cannot fathom this enough. Sometimes I’ll lie in bed and think about how you’re all alone, and I can’t stop being plagued by the thought of you suffering all by yourself. The thought of you crying over how stressed you are with work and school breaks my heart. Have I ever thanked you for all that you do for me? For everything you had to sacrifice in order to be with me? For all those late nights and early mornings you had to stay up just to talk to me while I was away? I hate nothing more in this world than being away from you. The distance fucking sucks y/n. If I could fly, I’d come right back home to you. You know that right? I would do anything for you. Be anything you want me to be. Hell, if I could, I’d drop everything in order to spend the rest of my life with you. I don’t know what I did to deserve you, or who I have to thank for bringing you and I together, but I’d do it again every single time if it meant having you in each and every life time. You are my person y/n. I love you with every fiber of my being.”

You were quick to bring your fingers up to your cheeks and wiped away all your tears. One of the only reasons why you weren’t a fan of when Mark drank, was because he was completely honest with you and would say things that made your heart combust. Although he couldn’t really see you, he giggled softly when he heard you sniffling. “You asshole—you made me cry.”

His laughter soon filled your room and you could feel a smile creeping on to your face. Mark’s laugh was contagious. It was one of your favorite sounds in the world and you were pretty sure it could cure cancer. You loved being the cause of it, especially in situations like this where it didn’t seem possible for him to emit such a beautiful sound while he was so upset.

“I—I don’t even know how to respond to that you should honestly become a writer. Leave Kpop and go write a novel or something.” He beamed at you while motioning for you to continue.

“You really have a way with words my love. I’m not going to lie, the distance is extremely hard. I hate not being with you, I’m happiest whenever you’re by my side. All my problems seem to magically disappear by a simple kiss. Just holding your hand gets me to take my mind off of everything negative going on in my life. But I would rather have a long distance relationship with you, than to be in a relationship with someone else I get to see every day. I would sacrifice anything for you, you know that. I don’t care that you’re going to sleep when I’m about to wake up or vice versa, just hearing your voice makes my entire day. The mere thought of you sends a warm feeling in my tummy. Sometimes, I have a hard time believing you’re real; that you exist and that you’re all mine. You’re living out your dream Mark and I am very grateful that I get to see you do what you love so much—“

You heard him mutter something under his breath and you looked up at him in curiosity. “I love you more than anything else on this hell forsaken earth, but yet I’m not doing you. Fucking blows.” You couldn’t help the giggle that fell from your lips and playfully bit your lip. He couldn’t help himself, alcohol did make him brutally honest.

“As I was saying horndog, I’m extremely proud of you. You’re so hard working, extremely talented and have one of the most generous and kindest hearts ever. I’m sorry that people feel the need to voice their unnecessary opinions, and I hate the fact that people take advantage of someone as amazing as you. But you know why the do it right? They’re just jealous. All these people who start rumors and spread hate about you, they’re sitting behind their computers angry with your success because they haven’t accomplished even a third of what you have. The people you work with, your managers, producers, writers and even JYP himself, I know they want what they feel is best for you. But sometimes, keeping their feelings to themselves is what’s best.”

A tear slipped from his handsome face and you wanted nothing more than to kiss it away, but it was just going to have to wait.

“You’re a human being baby. It’s alright to make mistakes. Nobody is perfect. That’s something I hate about the industry. Someone is always going to point out an idol’s flaw that no one else considered a flaw just to make them feel bad about themselves. Idols are painted out to be these perfect individuals, but I think everyone forgets that you guys have feelings. You guys have your problems, worries and insecurities too. Please Mark, don’t let these words get to you okay? Just remember, at the end of the day, you’re getting to perform for your amazing fans who love you dearly alongside your six best friends. That’s all that matters baby. These people sitting behind their phones and computers have nothing better to do than to try and make you feel bad about yourself for no reason. Don’t let them. They love that. Don’t give them the satisfaction knowing their words affect you. And as for your management and all those people who have been targeting and belittling you, just keep practicing hard and improving your craft. Sooner or later, they’ll finally come to their senses and realize the kind of person that you are. You are a special being my love. Remember that.”

Mark was full on sobbing at this point, he didn’t know what he did to deserve you. You would always voice to him how you were insecure about your relationship because you never felt like you were good enough with him. Your boyfriend was surrounded by countless models, actresses and fellow idols and you didn’t think you reached their standards. However, Mark would never fail to remind you both physically and verbally just how much he thought you were the most beautiful girl he’s ever laid his eyes on and how you were the only girl who he’s ever loved before.

You had this effect on Mark, you could walk in to a room crowded with people and his eyes would naturally gravitate towards you. His heart yearned for you and on nights like this, where he was in a different country, thousands of miles away from you, he could only wish he was currently back home, in your apartment wrapped in your embrace as you ran your fingers through his hair. That’s when he was at his most serene. He didn’t care where he was, as long as you were by his side, he felt like he was capable of anything.

Before either of you could speak up, there was a knock on his door. “Mark hyung, it’s time for bed. We need to get up in less than 4 hours and you can’t fall asleep during practice like you did last time. By the way, Yugyeom said you cried like a baby. Y/n, I hope you know how madly in love Mark is with you. My mom says that if a man cries over a woman, he’s in love with her. God, the two of you are so whipped for each other. Ow—Yugyeom warned me about the abuse. I don’t know why I wasn’t prepared for that. Night y/n! We miss you so much! Make sure you’re eating all of your meals and getting enough rest. Talk to you soon.”

Once Bambam left, you gave your boyfriend a broken look, causing him to frown. You were sure your eyes were swollen from the amount of times you’ve cried since answering his phone call over an hour ago. After a few moments, the two of you began to giggle at how puffy and red both your eyelids and cheeks had become. Mark released an exhausted sigh before blowing you multiple kisses. After countless love confessions and promises to call you tomorrow, Mark winked at you and blew you one last kiss. “In just a few more weeks, I’ll be coming home to you baby. Please wait just a little bit longer. I love you.”

As soon as he ended the call, you reached for the airplane ticket to Italy you purchased with the help of your 6 other favorite guys and held it close to your chest. “You’ll be seeing me sooner than you think my love, I can’t wait.”

[lablass-2882]

The Links vs Amusement Parks

A modern Au where the Links go to an amusement park.  Enjoy the chaos.

Part 1 The Coaster!

Why me?

Twilight sighed as he slowly approached the rollercoaster with Wild and Wind.  Why? Why did it have to be me; he asked himself again.  Why did he have to go on this death trap with his most mischievous younger brothers? Why couldn’t War, or Legend go with them?  

Twilight didn’t have to ask himself twice, he already knew the answer.  It was equal parts, Wild being Wild, War and Legend being in the midst of another betting war and Twilight being the most responsible of his brothers.  Argo. He, had to ride the deathtrap with Wind and Wild.  But he asked himself again anyway.  Why me?

Wind was absolutely gitty with excitement.  Almost to the point where Twilight thought he was going to vibrate through the metal guardrail that lined the walkway.  He had been waiting weeks for this brand-new coaster to open.  And for weeks, Twilight dreaded another visit to the Amusement Park.

He could not fathom why Wild and Wind loved this place so much.  Granted, he was one of the few who didn’t like this place.  Most of his brothers loved going here.  He however really wished that he was somewhere, anywhere else.    

Wild punched him on the shoulder.  Come on Twi, it’ll be fun.

Tell that to my already curing stomach.

Really, already?

I don’t do coaster, Wild……

Yeah…. But this one will be different.

Different how?

Different by how fast it flings you up and over that peak.  Wind pointed towards the peak of the coaster. It's 400ft in the air and you get shot up it like a cannon! AND-

I know Wind! It is all done by water pressure. You’ve nagging me about it for weeks.

Wind pouted.  It's cool.  That’s all.

Twilight sighed again.

Sorry, Wind… I just-

Don’t like coasters, we know.  Wild finished. BUT!  Look on the bright side.  It’s better than doing chores, right?

Or drills, or being grounded? Wind added.

Twilight groaned.  He’d rather be mucking out the stables than being flung up a straight incline on a slingshot.

 Meanwhile, near the carnival games….

I cannot believe that we lost to Sun.  Again!

YOU lost to Sun. Again.  I demand a rematch!  Best 37 of 75! Legend’s eyes were set ablaze with anger and determination.  War, on the other hand, looked utterly defeated and pleaded for mercy.

~Okay Legend~, Sun sang in her usually sugar-sweet tone.  One more round.  War you want in?  She glanced back a Warriors with a cunningly sweet smile. War wisely opted out.

Nope.  I wasted enough money for one day.  Legend you are on your own.  

Traitor!

Nope! Not falling for it.  Nope, I am out.  I have already wasted 200 bucks on these stupid games and I am done.  Warriors stomped over to where Time and Sky were sitting.  Time merely raised his eyebrow as Warrior sat down next to him.  

Don’t even ask.

Fair enough.  Time shrugged and watched another round of chaos with Sky and Warriors.

He’s going to be broke by the end of the night. Sky hummed.

I’m surprised he's not broke already. Time questioned.

He is. He keeps phone his boyfriend for more money. Warrior grumbled.

Oh! Are he and Ravio finally official? Sky beamed at Warriors with a hopeful smile.

No. Legend lives and breathes deniability.  They could be married and Legend would insist that they’re “just friends”

Not that you're doing any better there, playboy.  Time pointed out.  

Okay first off, Rude.  Warriors dramatically scoffed.   And second. Just because you’re the only one of us that’s married doesn’t mean that you get to stand on any moral high ground here. I still remember all the trouble you and Ruto got into, mister.

I was twelve and it was a schoolyard crush.  Malon’s my wife and that the end of it.

Um… Sun and I are engaged so-

Doesn’t count yet Sky.  Warriors cut him off.  And “school yard-crush” my ass!  That “crush” lasted until high school buddy.

Freshmen year hardly counts as high school

So, you admit that it wasn’t just a schoolyard crush.  Anything else you want to own up to?  I’m all ears.

War… this isn’t the time nor-

I saw you kiss a guy, last week.  Time added smugly.  And knowing you… there was probably some tongue.

Warrior’s face was beet red in embarrassment.  He was also stuttering and flaying about; searching for a response.

Oh! Do we get to know his name this time?  Sky leaned over knowingly, with a mischievous look on his face.  Or was it just another taste?

 Meanwhile at the waterpark with Four and Hyrule.

I am not too SHORT! Four shouted at the teen managing the water slide.

I’m… sor…sorry…s..sir.  The teen stuttered out.  My man.. man.. manager will fire me if I let another kid go down the ride.  The last two near broke their arms in a fight.

KID?! Four was beyond riled up by this point

Let it go Four, we’ll just find another ride.  

But?!

There’s no need to risk anyone's job, let's just…. go…. Before we cause another scene.  Hyrule tried to quiet down his angered brother, while also not thinking about the growing number of eyes staring at them.

FINE!

Four stormed off back down the steps.  With Hyrule on his heels, quietly trying to not meet anyone’s gaze as they did.  Once at the bottom and well out of sight of the crowds, Four unleashed his anger.  

Can you believe this?! KID? KID! Just who does that guy think he is?  I am not a kid.  I’m goddess dammed sixteen years old for goddess’s sake!

Four… just…. Take a breath…. And … calm down…..

NO!

Please? Hyrule whined. I really don’t want to get banned from another ride.  Especially after what Wind and Terra did last time we were here.

Yeah, yeah, I remember.  They got into a huge fight and dragged half of the kids in the park into it. Broken bones, and pride all around.

And they both got banned from the waterpark.  Not to mention we’re food court, the video game lounge, the petting zoo, the-

I get it. Four stopped Hyrule from listing all the places he and their brothers have been banned from for… questionable behavior.

Honestly, I’m surprised they haven’t banned us from the park altogether.  

It’s because the other parks are paying them to keep us so that we don’t go to any other park. Four joked.

Hyrule laughed.  Yeah, you’re probably right.  All the other parks quake in fear of the Link brothers. Ooohhh spooky.  A family of nine brothers that cause utter chaos where ever we go.

Speaking of spooky, Four pipped up.  You want to ditch this place and go check out that new haunted house?  I heard that is super scary.

Ha, you know it. Let’s jam! Hyrule pointed finger guns at Four and did his best Cowboy Bebop impression.

Ugh.  Hyrule, we got to work on your reference game.

Hey, I thought I did pretty good this time.  

Four just shook his head.  Why his brother loved 90’s anime, he would never know.

 Back at the coaster.

Twilight looked up at the looming coaster.  He tried not to think about it.  

He tried not to think about being flung at high speeds up a vertical incline while being strapped into a metal cart.  He tried not to think about how the safety bar is essential a thin and a very breakable metal bar across his waist.  He tried not to think about the computer that calculated the weight of the cars messing up and not launch the cart up the slope with enough speed.  Causing the cart to come sliding back down to the platform only to recalculate and be launched up again.  As Wind was so kindly explaining to Twilight as they stood in this goddess forsake long line.

You think we’ll crest the top on the first try? Wind oh so innocently asked with his best “I’m-not-causing trouble-voice”.

Maybe? Wild shrugged. He tuned out Wind ramble about an hour ago.  He was too busy texting new recipes to Sidon to notice Twilight growing paler with every passing minute.

Goddess, I hope not. Twilight sighed.  One ride is enough

OH, come on Twi.  It's not that bad.  Plus, we get a free ride out of it.  Wind quipped back.

We have membership passes, Wind.  All the rides are free.

Okay…. We get a second ride without having to wait in line….?

Twilight sighed again.  Can this line move any slower?  I want to get this over with before my stomach upchucks from worry.

HA!  You’re becoming a worry-wort just like the Old-Man. Wind teased.

Well with brothers like you, who can blame me.

Hey.

Gess, Twi. Calm down.  We can ride one of your favorites when we’re done.  Maybe go to the Petting Zoo? Wild tried to calm down him down, finally registering how pale he had gotten.

We’re banned from the Petting Zoo. Twilight glared.

Well…

And the Food Court, and the Video Game Lounge and-

We get it! You don’t like it here, alright.  Don’t blame me for wanted to have some fun.  Wind pouted.

Twilight grimaced. Sorry, Wind.  I know you’re excited and you’ve been looking forward to this.  I’m…. just… not a coaster fan.

Then why’d you agreed to come?  Wind glared back with puffed-out cheeks.

Because you two are my brothers and I like spending time with you two.

And, Malon would kill you if you left us unsupervised?  Wild added

And Malon would kill me if I left you two ding-bats unsupervised.  Twilight repeated

Wind snickered.  Nah. You could just use your puppy dog eyes and blame it on Time.  Malon listens to your lies.  

Hey!  I don’t lie.

Wind and Wild glare at Twilight with raised eyebrows.

Often……

 Back with Legend and Sun.

GGAAHH!!! How!  HOW! In the NAME of the Goddesses! Do you keep winning! Legend yelled with all the fury of a sore loser.

Better luck next time, Legend.   And no more calling your bf for more funds.  We made a deal.  Once you’re out, you are out.

GGAAHHH!!

Sun giggles.

AND! Ravio is not my Boyfriend.  We are just friends. Got it. Legend was pointed at Sun with a crimson blush across his checks.

Aww Legend, you don’t have to deny your feelings.  You know (Sun enters scheming mode.) Sky and I can offer some love advi-

I don’t need your advice.

I can flirt just fine on my own.  AND! Ravio and I are JUST friends.  I don’t need your mettling.

ME! Mettle in my future brother-in-law’s affairs? Never.  Sun playfully scoffs.

Says the woman trying to set up Twilight with her classmate and Warriors with her personal trainer.

I can’t help it if I have an eye for match-making.

You really don’t.

Sun’s eyes narrow.  Okay! Mister Denial. If you and Ravio are not together… Then you won’t mind if I post these pictures of you two from Warriors Party last week? Or on longs walks?  Or at your sister Aviary?

Your lying! There is no way that you have pictures.

Oh! But I do. Your sister and I text quite often. She takes out her phone and waves in front of Legend.

Legend face blushes an even brighter red. Your…. Your lying….

I think this one this the cutest. Sun chimes as she shows Legend a picture of him and Ravio sitting happily on a bench holding hands and drinking coffee.

Delete that!

Nope.

Sun!

Never! Sun takes off in a run.

Sun get back here!

 Meanwhile not paying attention to a nearby Bench….

Okay! But you have no room to talk here, Time.

I can and I will. You are far too judge.  

It’s called standards!

It’s called being a damn prick!   You’ve been sleeping around with strangers for months now.  

I have not!

You’ve had three different partners in the past two months, War.  Sky leaned in.  We’re not judging.  We’re… just… worried that’s all.

You don’t need to worry. I am fine!

You’re in as much denial as Legend.  

That’s a low blow coming from you, Mister. Warriors pointed at Time.  That’s a grand statement coming from the man that took two years to pop the question to Malon.  Even after you bought that damn gaudy rings.

I wanted the perfect moment!  Sue me, for putting thought into purposing to the love of my life.

Two.  Goddess. Damned. Years.

That was a lot of time…. Time….. Sky pipped up again.

Sky.  Stay out of it.  You wanted to purpose to Sun after the second date.  

Hey.  Sky shrugged.  When you know, you know.  

Warriors rolled his eyes.

And pry tell how you even describe that feeling, Sky?  You fall in love with a cup of coffee every morning.  

Sun makes really good coffee. Sky chimes in.

Of course, she does. Warrior sighs.

Malon makes good coffee…

Not you too!

 End of chapter one.

The rest of it is posted here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30189333/chapters/74384583

I’ll update it soon.....ish....

[malecsecretsanta]

Merry Christmas, bidnezz!

For @bidnezz. Happy Holidays! I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it.

Read On AO3

*****

wouldn’t it be the perfect crime (if I stole your heart, you stole mine)

If Alec knew that being an FBI agent would involve long hours of schmoozing at a fancy party in the Hamptons, he might have chosen a different career. He thought he’d left this kind of thing behind him along with his parents’ plans for a future they’d never even bothered to consult him about when he chose Quantico over Columbia Law. But, no. It turns out that years of enduring tedious socialites means he’s apparently the perfect person to send undercover in a gathering of tedious socialites.

“Quit looking so bored out there, Lightwood.” Lydia’s voice is flat and tinny in his earpiece. “I’m the one stuck back here watching the cameras all night. At least you get to sample the canapes.”

Lydia Branwell had been a class ahead of Alec at Quantico, and as the newest member of the team, it should by tradition be Alec on camera watching duty, but Agent Aldertree thought he'd blend in better. Not only does Alec disagree, but he's certain he and Lydia would both be a lot happier with their roles reversed.

Alec grabs a couple canapes from a passing tray and makes sure he's in full view of the nearest security camera as he wraps them in a cocktail napkin and tucks them into his pocket to give to Lydia later. He hears a soft snort, and Alec is glad to have brought a little levity into this very, very boring assignment.

The whole mission is a long shot. When the host of the party contacted the authorities about a series of notes he received that could maybe be construed as threatening and explained his very tumultuous history with a man who just so happened to be on the FBI's most wanted list, Alec's superiors at the Bureau decided it was a lead worth pursuing, especially since the notes made repeated references to this particular party, which was apparently an annual tradition. Personally, Alec thinks the notes sound more like an annoyed neighbor or fed-up employee than actual threats, let alone threats from a guy wily enough to have evaded authorities for almost two decades, but his superiors think this op is worth it, and they’re the experts.

Alec takes up a position near some kind of decorative pot thing, pretending to examine it while he scans the other side of the room for any new faces or anyone that looks even remotely like their target.

“That’s a lovely piece,” says a voice over his left shoulder.

Alec starts. He didn’t notice anyone approaching him, and he’s usually a hard guy to sneak up on. His surprise only grows when he turns to the man who’d spoken. Alec cannot begin to fathom how, in his hours of surveilling this crowd, he’s managed to miss a man who looks like that.

Deep brown eyes are rimmed with kohl and accented with a just a hint of vivid blue that perfectly matches the streak in the man’s hair and the stitching on his brocade waistcoat. His nails are lacquered in a deeper blue set off by the array of silver rings that adorn his fingers. His lips quirk in an amused, almost secretive smile that steals Alec’s breath and gives him a number of thoughts that aren’t entirely appropriate to be having about a man he’s only just met, and definitely not appropriate to have while he’s working.

“Are you a fan of ceramics?” the man asks, and Alec flushes, realizing that he’s been staring. He’s a little surprised he can’t hear Lydia snickering at him in his earpiece. She must have decided to be kind and mute her mic.

“Not really,” Alec admits. “I just, um. I like the blue.”

The way the man’s smile widens makes it clear he knows Alec isn’t talking about the pot. Still, he nods at it and says, “Cobalt oxide. That’s what gives that vivid blue when fired at high temperatures. Very emblematic of Ming dynasty porcelain, although the style did spread to the West in the following centuries.”

Alec blinks. “Wait, is that thing an actual Ming vase?” He doesn’t know much about ceramics, or art in general, but he’s heard his parents’ friends go on about it enough to know that a Ming vase is very valuable, and not the kind of thing most people have just sitting around their house. Although, this particular house could probably be more accurately described as a mansion.

“Oh yes,” the man assures him, reaching out a hand to point at the vase. “See that faint rust color down near the bottom rim? That’s not something you tend to see except on real Ming dynasty porcelain. It’s caused by a reaction between the firing process and the iron in the particular Kaolin clay used. It causes that rust color on any parts of the piece that aren’t fully glazed, most often seen near the bottom rim.”

Alec nods, but he’s not paying attention to the vase anymore. Instead, his eyes are caught by the strip of skin revealed when the man pointed at the vase, and the color that adorns it. He’s surprised by the sharp disappointment that wells up, and he feels immediately foolish for it. What does it matter that this man who he’s barely exchanged a handful of words with and whose name he doesn’t even know has a soulmate? Especially since the indistinct gray lines on his own forearm mean Alec has a soulmate somewhere out there, too.

It shouldn’t matter. But, somehow, it does.

“It’s not a sure sign, of course,” the man is saying. “A competent forger could fake it. But Lorenzo is notoriously thorough in vetting his collection for authenticity, so in this particular case— Oh.”

Alec pulls himself out of his own thoughts, wondering what caught the man’s attention so suddenly, only to find the man’s gaze fixed on him, sharp and intense. Alec can’t look away.

“I’m Magnus,” the man tells him.

“Alexander. Um, Alec. Everyone calls me Alec.”

“Alexander.” Magnus says his name almost like a prayer. “Would you—”

“Darling, there you are.” It’s the word ‘darling’ as much as Lydia’s hand on his arm that finally breaks Alec’s lazer focus on Magnus. ‘Darling’ is their code word that an op has gone off the rails, and if Lydia is out here talking to him in person instead of over his earpiece from the security room, then something is definitely very wrong. “I’ve been looking all over for you.”

“I didn’t realize,” Alec tells her. He turns back to Magnus, excuse already on his lips, only to find that the other man has already disappeared back into the crowd.

Alec firmly pushes aside the ridiculous sense of loss that accompanies that realization. He has a job to do, and he shouldn’t have let himself get distracted in the first place. Especially not by a man who’s already found his soulmate.

“All our cameras and communications went down about five minutes ago,” Lydia explains in a low voice. “Aldertree and Fairbrand are running protection on Rey. We need to round up Starkwright and Heygrove.”

It takes two hours to clear out the guests without causing a panic and another half hour before they discover the missing painting: a Renoir that had hung in the library on the second floor. It was expertly cut from the frame without setting off any of the alarms meant to protect the precious piece of art.

It isn’t until he’s back in his hotel room that Alec sees it, the dark curl visible as soon as he unbuttons the cuff of his shirt sleeve. He can barely breathe as he rolls his sleeve up to reveal his now fully-formed soulmark.

Alec stares down at the image of a sleek black cat with eyes such a vivid gold they almost seem to glow. Something in the tilt of its head and set of its tail are distinctly reminiscent of Magnus's smile. Alec isn't sure if he wants to laugh or cry.

He's still unsure two days later when the Art Crimes Team announces that the Renoir was stolen by the notorious art thief Le Chat Noir.

~!~

Magnus is on his fourth glass of whiskey when Ragnor and Cat make it back to the rendezvous.

"I'll have you know," Ragnor says, "that it is deeply unfair of you to start celebrating without us when we did most of the work on this—" He stops mid-sentence and mid-stride when he actually processes what he's seeing.

"Magnus," he says slowly, "are you drinking whiskey?"

And Magnus is so, so grateful that his friends know him as well as they do. Well enough to recognize his heartbreak drink. Well enough that all he has to do is show them his arm, now bearing the image of three crossed arrows fletched in blue, and they understand without him having to say a word.

Catarina stows their prize and gear while Ragnor grabs two more glasses. For several minutes, the three drink in silence.

"You know," Catarina offers as Magnus fills his glass for the fifth time, "we don't have to go Prague right away. It's more dangerous to stay in the States, but if you want to stay, Magnus, if you want to find your soulmate again, you know we'll help you look."

Magnus shakes his head. There's a part of him that does want to find Alexander, desperately wants to recapture the hope he had in those first moments after he noticed that his mark had changed. But that hope was built on a fantasy, and Magnus is fairly certain Alexander doesn't want to be found. Not everyone who has a soulmate wants one, after all.

"He's married," Magnus says.

He doesn't tell them what it felt like to watch the pretty blonde slide her arm through Alexander's, light glinting off her gold wedding band. He doesn't say that it felt like a physical blow to hear her call him darling.

They leave for Prague in the morning.

~!~

It takes Alec two years to get reassigned to the Art Crime Team. Two years of spending all his off hours studying, because he knows nothing about art when he starts. Two years of gathering evidence for what he knows has to be true, because Magnus was standing right next to him when the Renoir was taken, but no one actually on the case seems to have figured out yet.

He doesn't let himself feel guilty when he presents his case and the SAIC praises him for figuring out that Le Chat Noir is a team rather than a single person. He can't let himself feel guilty, because he has to find Magnus. He just isn't sure yet what he's going to do when he does find him.

It should be easy. Alec is an officer of the law. Magnus is a criminal. Soulmates or not, there's only one way for this to end.

But.

But the longer Alec studies Le Chat Noir's crimes, the more details he learns, the less certain he is about, well, anything. Because Le Chat Noir never hurt anyone in the course of their heists—not even minor injuries—and a lot of the art they take only technically belongs to the people they steal from. And all of those pieces—taken from families by invading armies, plundered by early archaeologists who gave no thought to the supposed savages whose cultural artifacts they took—always seem to find themselves back in the hands of their original owners' descendents.

That’s not all Magnus and his team steal, of course. Some of the pieces they steal, like the Renoir, are clearly chosen for their monetary value. But even then...

When Alec joined the Bureau, he did it with dreams of protecting people from violent criminals who prey on others. He can’t help noticing that the people Le Chat Noir steals those valuable pieces of art from all seem to share much more in common with the sorts of people Alec always thought he’d be putting behind bars than those he thought he’d be protecting.

"I've got the neighbor's security footage from the Rouse case for us to review."

Alec winces at the thought of reviewing yet more grainy security cam footage, especially first thing in the morning in the company of his distressingly chipper partner.

"I also brought you coffee."

His distressingly chipper, but also very thoughtful partner.

"You're a godsend, Fray," he tells her, accepting the cup. "What have we got?"

"Simon cut out all of the footage with no movement on it, but we're still looking at about ten hours."

"Which leaves us with five hours each if we split it," Alec says. "So let's see if we can get this done by lunch."

Alec finds Magnus in the third hour of footage. He's only in frame for a few seconds, and Alec has to backup twice to be sure. And then he backs up several more times just to satisfy the part of him that's desperate for even that much of his soulmate.

He doesn't tell Clary. He tells himself it's because Magnus isn't doing anything on the security footage besides walking down the street the morning before the theft, that he would have to explain who Magnus is and how Alec knows who he is.

He's relieved when someone else on the team puts it together that Le Chat Noir is responsible for the theft.

~!~

Magnus manages to ignore his soulmate's existence for almost three years, or at least make a good show of it. And it’s fine, really. He reassures Cat of this every time she asks, reassures Ragnor every time he gives Magnus one of those looks. Any foolish, romantic fantasies Magnus might entertain between sleeping and waking are between him and his idiot heart.

Except then Alexander is there on the television, standing among the team of FBI agents investigating Le Chat Noir’s latest stateside heist (one that Magnus is particularly proud of, thank you very much), and looking just unfairly hot in his dark suit. And there’s really just no ignoring that.

Magnus spends the next week researching. Some things are easy to find out. There are only twenty agents on the FBI’s Art Crimes Team, and currently only one Alexander. From there, it’s easy enough to track down Alec’s employment and school records, his family, even his gym membership. Other things take a bit more work, like his current address, mobile number, and email.

One thing is very clear, though, no matter how many times or places Magnus checks: Special Agent Alexander Lightwood is not—has never been—married.

“I messed up.”

Ragnor and Catarina exchange a worried look.

“Magnus, he’s an FBI agent,” Catarina says gently.

“An FBI agent currently trying to track down and arrest all of us,” Ragnor adds, somewhat less gently.

Magnus knows they’re right. He does. But...

“He’s my soulmate. And I just left.”

There’s no fixing this, Magnus knows, but he can’t leave things the way they are.

~!~

The first note comes on heavy cream cardstock, delivered to the PO box Alec uses for anything that might get him put on a mailing list. It’s addressed simply to “Alexander,” and he knows as soon as he reads it who sent it.

It takes almost a week to determine that the anonymous tip about their current case is legitimate, and only a few days longer before they have the perpetrators of the string of violent home invasion robberies in custody. It’s the first case Alec has worked since he transferred to the Art Crimes Team where the criminals seem as interested in hurting the people they steal from as stealing valuable art, and he’s very, very glad to have it behind him.

After that, the notes become a regular thing. They come in a variety of formats: cards sent to Alec’s PO box, his home, his office; texts from burner phones; emails from non-existent addresses; tucked into a bouquet of long-stemmed red roses on Alec’s 28th birthday. They don’t come for every case Alec works, probably not even one in ten, but they do keep coming.

Alec never mentions the notes to his team after the first one. He can’t keep them from Clary, not all of them, but she never mentions it to anyone else, never suggests that they should. For once, Alec is very grateful for his partner’s tenuous relationship with following rules.

Alec keeps that first note tucked into the billfold of his wallet.

~!~

Magnus isn’t sure why started sending the notes. No, that’s not true. He sent the first note because those sadistic bastards were giving all art thieves a bad name, and they didn’t deserve to have beautiful things any more than the people Magnus steals from do. He sent the tip about how they were offloading the pieces they stole (and really, how sloppy were they that Magnus had found it so easily?) to Alexander because, well, it was the closest he could get to an apology.

Magnus isn’t sure why he keeps sending the notes, but he can’t seem to stop. It would be easy to say that it’s the only way he knows to be—in some small way—a part of Alexander’s life. And that is a part of it, but...but the truth is, it’s also fun. There are too many art thieves who have no place in the business, either just because they’re terribly sloppy (really, do they have no respect at all for their craft?) or because they’re horrible people who Magnus has no desire to share an occupation with. Screwing them over while also making Alexander’s life a little bit easier is doubly satisfying.

“I think we should retire,” Ragnor says. They’ve just finalized the sale of their latest score and are having drinks in Barcelona to celebrate.

“Retire?” Magnus asks. “Why?” He can’t help noticing that Catarina doesn’t look surprised.

“Because,” Ragnor says with a shrug, “I don’t think any of our hearts are really in it anymore. I started doing this for the money and the thrill. Now, I think I’m getting a little too old for thrills, and I have more money than god.”

“You’re thirty-eight,” Magnus points out irritably.

“Even so,” Ragnor says. “And you’ve gotten all wrapped up in your,” he waves his hand, “side project.”

Magnus can’t deny it, he’s been distracted. But that doesn’t mean he wants to quit.

“Cat?” Magnus asks, turning to look at her.

“When I was little,” Catarina says, studying the dregs of her Manhattan, “I wanted to be a nurse. After my parents kicked me out, I gave up on that dream, but lately I’ve been thinking maybe I could settle down, go back to school.” She looks up, meeting Magnus’s eyes. “This, what we do, it was great when I was sixteen, when I was twenty-five. But it was never supposed to be forever, and I think. I think I’m done.”

“I see.”

It’s Magnus’s turn to stare into his drink. The truth is, he’s never thought about retirement, not really. Cat and Ragnor chose this life, and maybe it wasn’t much of a choice for either of them, but they weren’t born into it the way Magnus was. Stealing is something his friends do, but it’s who Magnus is. Going straight just isn’t an option for Asmodeus Bane’s son.

Is it?

“Maybe you’re right,” Magnus says.

If Cat and Ragnor want to retire, he doesn’t want to be what stops them. Magnus can always take some time off, and when his friends are settled into their new lives and well clear of him and his father’s influence, he can look into putting together a new team. It won’t be the same without Cat and Ragnor, but Magnus will survive. He always does.

And maybe... Maybe it means something that Magnus’s soulmate isn’t a thief. That Alexander is about as far from a thief as you can get. Maybe...

Magnus doesn’t let himself finish the thought, but he doesn’t let go of it, either.

~!~

“Come on, we’re going out for lunch.”

Alec looks up from the report he’s in the middle of. “Uh, not today. I’ve got a lot of paperwork to catch up on.”

“Yes, today,” Clary says, reaching down to flip his folder closed. “We’ve been working crazy hours all month, and I’m not letting you skip lunch again now that we’ve closed the case just so you can do paperwork.”

For all of Alec’s protests, he finds himself in the passenger seat of Clary’s car not ten minutes later. He frowns when realizes they’re headed out of the city.

“Where are we going?”

“Just a little hole in the wall place I found.” Clary’s voice is light, but she has her mission face on. “I think you’ll like it.”

Alec is suddenly on high alert. He has no idea what’s going on, but it’s clear Clary is worried about someone listening in, and whatever this is, he trusts Clary. He doesn’t always like her, but he trusts her.

“There’d better be melted cheese involved,” Alec tells her.

By the time they pull up to a modern, high-rise apartment building in Bethesda, Alec’s stomach is doing somersaults. He follows Clary up to an apartment on the fourth floor, not sure what to think when she pushes open the door and motions Alec inside.

The inside of the apartment looks like the platonic ideal of a nerdy bachelor pad, with an entire wall of the front room devoted to an extensive video game collection punctuated by superhero figurines, and an empty pizza box on the coffee table.

And the platonic ideal of a nerdy bachelor sprawled on the couch with a laptop.

“Lewis?” Alec says. “What are you doing here?”

“Uh,” Simon answers, “you’re in my apartment, dude.”

“It’s the only place we could think of that we’re sure the Bureau doesn’t have under surveillance,” Clary explains. “And you might be my partner, but I don’t actually want to lose my job for you if I can help it.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I sweep the place for bugs every couple weeks,” Simon says. “I helped develop a lot of the current surveillance tech, so it’s easy enough to find them. They spy on all of us, you know. Like, all the time.”

“No, I—” Alec shakes his head. “Why are you worried about bugs? And what’s this about Fray losing her job?”

Clary and Simon exchange a look, that wordless communication they have that never fails to give Alec a headache.

Finally, Clary looks at him, just the faintest hint of uncertainty in her smile. “Simon figured out where your notes are coming from.”

Alec feels the bottom drop out of his stomach. “What?”

“I’ve actually been tracking them for a while,” Simon explains. “But they were never sent from the same place more than once. Not until recently.”

“But why?” Alec knows his poker face is terrible. It’s why he never goes undercover anymore. Still, he tries very hard to act like this is no big deal. “They’re just anonymous tips.” He’s pretty sure he fails.

“Because they’re from your soulmate?” Simon says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

“That’s not— I don’t—” Alec can feel the panic rising in his chest and does his best to push it down. If he lets it overtake him, there will be no getting out of this. “Why would you even think that?”

“That time in Atlanta,” Clary says, “when you got stabbed. I saw your soulmark when the nurse put in the IV for your antibiotic drip.” She shrugs. “After that, it didn’t take a genius to figure it all out.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Fuck, Atlanta was years ago. “Why didn’t you turn me in?”

“I told you, you’re my partner,” Clary says, looking almost offended. “And you haven’t done anything actually illegal.” She holds up a hand. “Don’t tell me if you have. Please. Besides, your soulmate’s been helping us solve cases.”

“But you decided to tell Lewis?”

“He’s my best friend. I trust him.”

“Also a hopeless romantic,” Simon adds cheerfully. “I’m kinda jealous of this whole star-crossed lovers thing you’ve got going on, to be honest. Like Romeo and Juliet, but with less death.”

“Oh god,” Alec says, sinking onto the couch and burying his face in his hands. He can’t believe he’s been this careless. Who else knows?

“I can see your panic wheels spinning, Lightwood,” Clary says. “And I think you might have missed the important part, here.”

Alec raises his head to look at her. “Missed what?”

“Simon found where the notes are coming from. We have an address.”

“The messages have been coming from the same place for over a year,” Simon adds.

Alec stares at the slip of paper Simon holds out to him like it might bite him if he touches it. “What am I supposed to do with that?”

“That,” Clary says, “is above my pay grade.”

Alec takes the paper with a shaking hand. If Magnus has stopped moving around, does that mean he wants to be found?

~!~

Magnus watches the sun dip beneath the Paris skyline. Nearly two years into his stay in the city, and he’s still not tired of the sight. It’s the longest he can remember ever staying anywhere. Maybe there’s something to this whole retirement thing.

He sips his martini and flips open the stupidly expensive imported issue of The New York Times he purchased entirely for the very grainy photo of Alexander, along with the rest of his team, on page A-7. Magnus didn’t help with the case they’d recently closed, but he can’t help being just a little proud of Alexander, regardless. There’s a part of him that knows this whole thing is foolish. He can’t spend the rest of his life pining after a man he met for five minutes a decade ago, soulmate or no soulmate. He needs to let it go, needs to let Alexander go. He runs his fingers over the photograph, staining them with newsprint. Just. Not tonight.

A sharp knock on his front door pulls Magnus out of his thoughts. It’s probably Madame Boucher from upstairs again. The woman has to be old enough to be Magnus’s grandmother, but she’s still a terrible flirt and comes up with the most ridiculous excuses to stop by Magnus’s loft at least twice a week. Magnus adores her.

“Êtes-vous à nouveau à court de sucre, ou—” Magnus freezes in the act of opening the door when he registers who, exactly, is on the other side.

“Uh, my French is pretty rusty, but I definitely don’t have any sugar.”

“Agent Lightwood,” Magnus says, holding onto the door like it’s the only thing keeping him upright. Maybe it is. “I’m fairly certain the FBI doesn’t have any jurisdiction here.”

Alexander frowns, a tiny crease appearing between his eyebrows that Magnus refuses—can’t afford—to find endearing. “I’m not here in a professional capacity.”

“Then why are you here?” Magnus’s voice comes out sharper than he intends. He doesn’t know what to do with any of this, with Alexander standing in his doorway, with the longing trying to claw its way out of his chest.

“I thought— And then, you sent all those messages.”

Alexander pushes up the sleeve on his sweater, and Magnus sees his soulmark for the first time. Magnus has to dig his fingers into the doorframe to keep from reaching out to trace its lines. It’s startling how a cat can bear such a striking resemblance to him. He wonders if Alexander would have the same reaction to his mark.

“Oh god,” Alec says, misinterpreting Magnus’s silence. “I’m an idiot. I’m sorry. I’ll just— I’ll go.”

“Alexander, wait.”

The moment Magnus’s hand closes around Alec’s wrist, a frission of energy goes through them both. Magnus should let go. He should.

He doesn’t.

“It’s just,” Magnus says, “I’m a retired art thief and you’re an FBI agent. What kind of future could there be for us?”

“Former,” Alexander answers.

Magnus frowns in confusion. “What?”

“Former FBI agent.” Alexander gives him a sheepish smile. “I, um. Resigned. Before I got on the plane to come here.”

“You quit your job?” Magnus understands the words, but he’s having trouble assigning them meaning. “Why?”

Alexander shrugs. “Why’d you retire?”

“I—” Magnus wants to say that it’s not the same. But, then again, maybe it is. “So, where do we go from here?”

“I was thinking we could start with dinner?” Alexander smiles, hopeful and earnest, and Magnus feels that same spark of hope light up his chest that he felt all those years ago when he realized who Alexander was to him.

“I’ll get my coat.” Magnus lets his fingers slide free from Alexander’s wrist, and it doesn’t feel like letting go.

[mysterylover123]

BNHA Rewatch: Episode 39 “Game Start”

mysterylover123

SEASON 3 FINALLY! Who cares about anything that actually happens in this recap/filler ep because ODD FUTURE!!!!!!! 

I freaking love this OP. If you could somehow marry an anime op I would marry this one. I’ve heard it a million times and I always find something new I love about it. I love the song and the visuals, BTW. Most reactors seem to have it grow on them, slowly. I can’t fathom not loving it to death.

Opening scene is Recap at the Ol Villain Bar with Villain Mom Kurogiri, He recaps Episode 37. Remember that time when Tomura got mad about Stain and cornered Deku at the mall? Member? 

Recap #2: Deku likes All Might and wants to be like him. In case you didn’t know that already.

Recap #3: List off everyone’s quirks in Class A in alphabetical order! Man my eyes are glazing over at this point. I KNOW THIS ALREADY. 

WOW Deku is apparently so gay that Kaminari and Mineta can use him as a reverse beard. 

I like how the girls in Class A kinda get along. Solidarity in a male-dominated field is pretty realistic.

The swimsuits are canon, actually; Kami and Mineta fantasize about them in a volume extra. I kinda love them and how they fit the characters’ personalities pretty well. Ochaco’s is my favorite.

Sorry Kaminari, no heterosexual lust allowed here.

OMG WE’RE SO SPOILED. So many best boys all in one room. I remember the first time I saw this ep, it was on my lunch break at my trash job, and I thought “Thank you, BNHA, for giving me this pleasant image to keep me going through the day. It’s not substantial, I don’t even care.”

This might be the only time in a show I’ve ever seen the girls wearing more substantial clothes than the guys. 

“COME SWEAT WITH US”. OH MY. Join the gay orgy of your classmates Mineta and Kami! You cannot resist!

Now Iida, Deku and Shoto are reminiscing. Recap #4. Remember that time when we had bromance about fighting Stain? Member dat?  (OMG they’re so cute in this scene. Iideku and Tododeku vibes!)

“Hey Kirishima, you got Bakugo here?” “Of course, I have no life outside of being his sidekick, what else would I be doing?” (Sorry for the salt, it just annoys me how filler Kirishima basically does nothing but follow Bakugo around like an underpaid minion.) 

Another filler gripe: How post-Final Exam, punched Baku in the face Deku is apparently still as nervous and afraid of challenging Kacchan as he was back in Episode 3. He’s changed, ya’ll! Character development happened! Anyway, swim race happens. 

Bakugou is now reminding Todoroki that he’s part of the rivalry threesome as well, and Shoto isn’t fighting it this time.

“Swimming” race time! 

WOWZA. (How is Shoto not freezing? wouldn’t that be effing cold?)

BTW I really like the way they animate Ojiro’s tail as he jumps in in this scene; I don’t know why, it just looks good. Obviously Iida isn’t really using Recipro here, because he’d beat Deku at this point. )

This shot is always captioned with “Jealous Todoroki” and that cracks me up.

The OT3 of your dreams is about to race! Taking all bets, folks!

Wah wah wah.

“Game Start” is silly and kind of dumb, but I kinda love it. It’s not a great episode of BNHA by any means, nor a great start to a season this intense...yet i still get a kick out of watching it. I hope most future BNHA filler is more like this episode; just a fun dumb set of Class 1-A antics with a bit of fanservice and friendship thrown in. Man this recap was easy to write, because basically nothing all that substantial happens other than the collective guy-sexual fanbase squeeing in unison.

( Also, I wanna make a note that Deku got voted as Best Boy of 2018′s anime season, and I want to make a note of how that happened. Step 1: Remind the whole fanbase in the first ep that he’s ripped as eff by throwing him in skintight swim trunks).

BKDK CORNER:

Remember how we’re rivals, Kacchan! “Yeah, of course I do, you damn nerd!” The second part of this scene does show Deku calmly, with that determined expression on his face, accepting Kacchan’s rivalry challenges. I do like that in filler, because that’s Deku at this point. He socked this guy in the face at the final exam, he’s not about to cower in fear of him. Also, you cannot not convince me that Kirishima, ever Katsuki’s wingman, convinced him to go by mentioning that Deku was there in a tight swimsuit. 

BEST GIRL OF THE EP: No one new. 

RANKER: The Fantasy Swimsuits

6. Jiro’s (I feel like she’d look better in more of a wraparound style)

5. Momo’s (I love her but her taste in clothes is kinda tacky)

4. Tooru’s (hangs well on her)

3. Tsuyu’s (really creative and odd)

2. Mina’s (simple but effective)

1. Ochaco’s (girl has damn fine fashion sense!)

[just-some-random-blogger]

The Soup

Super Junior Super Junior x SuJuMaknae!Reader Characters: Super Junior (ot13 [+ SJ-M]) Summary:  Just like the way you need to give someone soup when they're sick, this is how SuJu reacts when you need them. Word Count: 1k+ Warnings: CRACK, fluff, humor, gnarlyness, etc.

A/N: i need a pick me up so i made this. It’s low key a part 2 to Secrets Of A Maknae, but not really because, well, it’s not HAHAHHAHA, but hello @farewellkorosensei, i’m tagging you cos u said u wanted a part two and i had a part two in mind but then i lost it so now you have this HAHHAHHAHA im sorry im like this

ALSO A DISCLAIMER

THIS IS FICTION IF YALL somehow THOUGHT IT WASNT

none of this is real bro that’s why its an au ?????? ok like ok

Being the only girl in a coed group that’s basically a boy group is not as bad as one may think

Especially since you're the youngest out of everyone, some people just cannot imagine how you do it

Sure like... being the only female means the testosterone thrown your way can be a lot

And there are just some things the guys can't and will never understand

Like how a woman's mind works

But through it all however

You loved being the baby princess

Because you have 13 knights at your side

anD IF EVEN ONE PERSON TRIED TO HURT YOU WELL 

AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAH 

good luck to them

And in case you were wondering, SuJu is not as sweet as you think

LIKE YES THEY’RE OBVIOUSLY THERE FOR EACH OTHER BUT

here's how each member would react to you needing them

ps yall

dis shiz is HELLLAAAA LONG SO it’s under the cut

Being the eldest meant Leeteuk found everyone as his responsibility

BOY ESPECIALLY IF THEY'RE NOT EVEN IN SUPER JUNIOR LAJSIQBSUHWBSLAIDYLAWUDLKHKK;

and to you, who is in his group, their youngest AND only female member, he would drop everything for

Like

Everyone who's watched korean TV knows this

cos yall do tv show hostings togther

and everybody knows how soft he is around you

like i mean he’s naturally caring towards everyone

and he’s normally high-spirited with others

BUT YOU TAKE THE CAKE

like you + him equals shenanigans like firecrackers

he does 8999+ dad jokes when you’re his co-host

someone save s.korea

but let us not forget is is the EPITOME of gentleman

he always offers his arm to you

he takes of his jacket or gets a blanket for you to cover your legs when you sit

errbody is like “stfu, we get it stop flexing”

you two are just like “??????????????????? bro fLeXiNg whUAT?”

“i get yall are married n in love but like. pls keep it under wraps.”

“BROOOO HAHAHHAHAH WE’RE JUST FRIENDS”

and then ????????????

mmmmhmmmm

we believe you

cos its all we can do tho

and i mean you two aren’t married but are so too tbh

ELF’s call you two the parents of SuJu

and think you two are sO ADORABLE IT HURTS

anyway

He is definitely the most understanding with you through the age gap you have

And even if he finds some of your actions odd due to that age gap, he always works through it and tries to think proactively

"What are you doing????????"

"IM DOING A CHALLENGE OPPA YOU WANNA JOIN?!" you say as you attempt to put on makeup with your non-dominant hand

THE AMOUNT OF TIMES HE'S WALKED INTO YOU DOING SOMETHING WEIRD IS BEYOND FATHOM

But if you need him

He.

Will.

Be.

There.

Doesn't matter if he's hosting 287378 tv shows at the moment

If you call because some loser broke your heart

He's taking the day off

If you call just to check in and he hears even a hint of sickness in your voice

biTCH MOVE OVER. HE GOT SOME PORRIDGE

He would take care of you even if he was also sick

He would find a way to go to you even if you were halfway across the world

You cant even get mad @ him cos you will and have done the same woops

IF SOMEONE EVEN TEST U YOU WILL BREAK THEM 4 LEETEUK

and obvi we have to add

his dog Shimkung prolly loves you more than him, just sayin

She runs to you and ignores Leeteuk when youre around

Because she loves playing with you

And she loves your energy

And the attention you give her

And the treats you bring

And because everyone loves you

And Leeteuk cant even because he loves you too

Woooooops

Yall listen up

If you think heechul is scary by himself

Try bringing up SuJu's maknae up

I dare you

Just mention your name

and he WILLLLLL EXPLODE

Doesnt matter if it's praise

He Will BE TRIGGGGGEERREEDD

there’s literally an entire 20 (and going) part video comp. of his ears steaming when you’re brought up

like the mere thought of you is already to set him off

It doesn't even phase him if the person who spoke of you is younger or older

The death threats he will sputter is limitless

his tongue is sharper than silver

And the deadliest death glare that's thrown may cause a heart attack.

strangely enough though

but knowing heechul, not strange enough

he is ALWAYS THE FIRST to throw you under the bus

during interviews

ESPECIALLY IF THEY’RE LIVE I CANT

and yall always bicker about the dumbest shit

everyone is like, “wait, they’re not the ones that are married?”

the answer is no

but honestly,

He's broken up with someone because of you

Because they were mean to you, i mean

And because he was tired of them too hekhek

and lyk Heechul may be short

But nothing is stopping him from getting into a fist fight with someone 1000+ ft taller than him.

Ok.

That may be a slight lie cos he'd prolly call the rest of the guys and 5672 security guards to be on his side.

would honestly fite anyone for you

any AND everyone to be honest

He's also very picky with your boyfriends

"Ya, he looks like a womanizer."

"Ya, he looks like an idiot."

"Ya, he smells like woman's perfume."

"Ya, he smells like cigarettes."

"Ya, I don't understand what you see in him."

"Ya, I can't believe you're wasting your time with him."

"Ya, why are your standards so low when you know a guy like me?"

"Ya,"

"Ya."

"YA!"

"You can do better."

and you’re kinda just like, “y dont u just look for a guy for me? or better yet, if you think you’re so great, why don’t you just date me?”

“pshhhh, as if, i’m too pretty for you, child”

is what heechul always says

to you and to everyone who asks why you aren’t dating

he also does’t ever answer your calls

cos he’s always too busy with his video games or selfies

so you get really frustrated when you call him to come over and he doesn’t call

but like 

he’s somehow already at your house

????

cos you needed him and he knew that

????

idek either bro

he has a sixth sense with ya gurl

HE IS SUCH A DAD TOO

***NOT DADDY 

DAD BECAUse

he will baby the heck out of you every moment he gets

but not in public cos his image

also he’s never one to flaunt even with his personality

he CUDDDLESSSS THE HECK out of you

and kinda makes himself clingy for the sake of endorphins

cos he is your happy pill

and your go to man when the world just sucks hard

he gives pretty solid advice

like the ones where you really need some

because he’s never one to sugar coat and will tell you youre a bitch if you are being one

and because of how he is, when he gets soft with you, you know he means it because he’s a broken brick most of the time

he’s also who you normally vent out your problems and burning frustrations to

not that he listens

you mostly just assault him and he takes it

JOKE HE ASSAULTS YOU RIGHT BACK

but somehow that’s therapeutic for both of you ???

smdh

i’d add heechul’s pets

BUT THAT BOY HAS A ZOO

and maybe i’m just shimkung biased lolol

ANYWAY the gist of you and his pets is that you love them and they love you

the end

bro

don’t even get me started on yesung

you know how he likes to think he’s all that

how he’s like really good at singin

wHICH HE IS UHM HAVE YOU NO EARS

but he’s like actin all airy sometimes

whICH IS Y u and eunhyuk havE A BALL MESSIN WITH HIM

EUNHYUK + U = YESUNG CANNOT LIVE

someone save Yesung from his retarded dongsaengs

lol but eunhyuk comes later

anyway, he’s airy

that side of him comes in handy 4 u

because he makes for a gr8 hypeman

letz be real

SUPER JUNIOR together is the loudest bunch of morons that will hYPE YOU DO YOUR DEATH

but you cant keep havin that when you go to award shows

YOU TRIED IT ONCE AND EVERYONE WAS LIKE AWW DATS CUTE

IT’S FKIN NOT BITSH

try havin your ears pierced with screaming every time you’re even remotely related to what the host is talking about

anyway back to yesung

he be your date to eveything

cos he ALWAYS has time to be all that

i mean you bring specific members to the specific events they fit into

u’ll understand laterz

but mostly yesung is your man for the job

cause he’s always available

you know when he’s not touring or holding concerts

whenever you need a date

he puts on all his extra accessories and offers you his arm on the red carpet

or just holds your hand cause it’s easier on his part

AND BOY HE’S ANNOYINGLY LOUD FOR YOU THE ENTIRE TIME

IT DOESN’T EVEN MATTer if it’s for some black suit event

he’s prOLLY GON BUST A MOVE and promote SJ’s black suit while he’s at it what a turd

he’s so loud in fact that you’ve reached a point past embarrassment

ur like, “Yeah, he’s my loud date. problem?”

honestly, yall have to be dumb not to see how in love you two are

there are theories on how you two ARE the one true pair

like the way yesung looks at you when you’re striking a pose

answering a question

thanking someone

receiving an award

laughing at a joke

existing in general

and you RIGHT BACK @ him

only an idiot would

but haha

nope.

just friends too

Y U ALWAYZ LYIN

ye but itz trueeeeee

no matter how fancy you get

or domestic

cos did i mention you two do the lamest things too

like there is no in between

you go buy groceries

tour Gangnam

hand in hand obviously, duh, you do it every time you’re together

as with every member of super junior but yall already knew

i think i strayed too far from my point

point is he’s there to hang out and do nothing

cos thats what both of you are good for anyway

nothing

ha

btw he’s who you bring shopping for clothes

but only like the nice kind you feel me

you’ll get that in a little while too

but like you always go to high-end stores together

never couture tho cos why ??

and YOU GUYS DO MAKEUP TUTORIALS BECAUSE OMG HE’S SUCH A VAIN AND LIKES TO PRETEND HE CAN ACTUALLY DO MAKEUP UGH I HATE HIM

he’s the one you treat like your diary mostly

the everyday stress you have piled up he’s the one you sift through with

like you tell him all the mundane things

and he’d nod uninterested

and then you’d stop cuz you realiized he doens’t care

and then he’d get mad and be all like “Ya, why’d you stop, what happened to the leaf you kicked?”

i think imma stop here cos you get it

yall good for nothing HAHAHH

you and kangin get into the stickiest shit every time your crackheads team up

and being the loyal one you are

you always point and blame him when things hit the fan

and he’s always like “Me?”

and then points right back at you

you’re reactions to each other are fandom memes fml

and you’d think with all the treachery you pull on each other you would never be able to count on Kangin

but that is so DAMN FAR from the truth

cos this boy is insufferably thoughtful when it comes to you

his favoritism shows

like he’ll sell super junior for a 1 cent

BUT YOU ARE NOT PART OF THAT DEAL

he’s usually the one that shoos the guys off when they’ll all up on your ass

he’s also the one to kick heechul when he gets too annoying

or anyone in general

He’s usually your partner in crime when it comes to screwing up SJ’s image

and you havE THIS SIGNATURE ESCAPE ROUTINE WHEN THINGS GO SIDEWAYS

“it wasn’T ME!” you both shout, and then you jump on Kangin’s back and he runs away.

and yes there is also a compilation of you morons doing that for 15 minutes straight in multiple languages

dumb shit

he’s not as big as teasing you as Heechul

but he usually calls you ugly, that’s who you are to him

if you’re texting someone, it’s usually him

you send him ideas for a prank or sm shit

and he’s like imma do you one better

and then you just burn SM to the group bwahahaHAHAHAHAHAHHA

kidding

not kidding

you guys dont actually get to hang out often

but wHen you do there is a warning signal

and idek y yall pretend to be pranking someone else

but yall end up stabbin each other anyway

But there is also those times when you just cry

and he’s there to listen

he’s not as understanding as his hyungs, cos Leeteuk knows what to do, Heechul knows what to say, and Yesung knows how to remember the important things

but he is always there

he tells you as much as he can

and he aint dumb he can say a lot

but he’ll mostly just try to brighten up your day

by telling you a plan to attack one of the members

ANDDDDDDD

PIGGY BACK RIDES

as ive mentioned before, you jump on his back when you skedaddle out of the scene you just caused

which have caused an uproar from many

your company mostly has to fend off rumors of you and him being together the second most

youll find out who soon enough

but back to you an Kangin

he usually offers to give you a piggy back ride

even tho he doesn’t really want to

when you’re down

cos u smol child like to be carried

ew grow up sis

BTW HE WILL FITE ANYONE WHO TELLS YOU THAT

dats all i got fam

you and Shindong work the third most together outside super junior

dats obviously behind Leeteuk

and #2 who will be revealed later

and actually, you two have a very serious and business-like mindset when you’re together

which is why his skillz fly when you collab

you have youtube channel together that’s just u two posting vids you guys want to do

yall fund it urselvs and get some of ur friends to join in

WHICH FANS, ELF AND OTHERWISE LOVE

that’s why you normally go to him when you need help with work

meaning if you’re unsure if you should do a drama he’s going to lay down the points 4 u

he usually acts like your manager

and visits you the most when you’re on set

he’s who de-stresses you when you’re working

and the one who you can count on to back you up when someone at work needs to have a little piece of your mind

he’s who you call up when you want to share an idea or a vision

and is the one to more than others root for you and help you all throughout

whenever works stresses you out,

you two do something fun together

watch a film

annoy one of the other members

etc

you call him up when you have a crazy idea

you call him up when you have a song or plot in mind

you call him up when you are in need of advice

though sometimes his advice is to go to leeteuk or heechul

cos he knows he has limits

which is why you love him

because he’s real and never pretends to  know more than he does

with that said though, he does know a lot

and will tell you all he knows about whatever it is you are asking about

you guys do a lot of live streams as well

sometimes its pointless

sometimes its intorspective

but most times its pointless af

and most times yesung is crying in the distant not-so-distant background

cos like i said yall hangout the most

so sometimes shindong gets into the mix

and you do the weirdest shiz in front of camera

the amount of role plays you’ve done that made viewers go ???? is uncountable smh

like like

where you’re an astronaut

and you need to tell the emperor of goryeo he’s going to be assassinated

and then yesung is the emperor’s horse

and yall die of laughter

or that time yall kissed “by accident”

and none of yall were surprised

and everyoNE WAS LIKE I KNEW IT

and you both ended up laughing

and then everyone was like? >?????

?????

idek either tbh

or that one time you were a cake

as in a chocolate cake

running away from an orge

which was yesung

and shindong was the exterminator that kept hitting him with a pillow whenever he’d talk

i cant believe

you think yesung’s had enough with you and eunhyuk

speaking of...

eunhyuk + u is quite like u + kangin

ppl pray for you to get separated

like pls

l

o

r

d

 a

l

m

i

g

h

t

y

and then when you add DONGHAE

=

the world wants to implode and delete itself

eunhyuk is your usually your fake boyfriend

joke, he’s the fake love triangle interest

you’ll get that later

anyWAY

you say all the time every time you get the chance to that the reason why you dance half as good as you do now is because of eunhyuk

you make his ego fly through the roof

and he’s always like 

dawwwww stop 

no keep going

which is why if for whatever reason you need a dancer or a choreographer or anything between those lines

you call eunhyuk

or jung yunho but that’s not the point

point is the world explodes when there is a sexy suju concept

because you and eunhyuk are always paried up

the flexibility and coordination of your bodies

leaves the world thirsty

like

eunhyuk is pregnant because of you

Dem body rolls

Shimi-shimi

The dehydration is real

you two just do something in sync

AND THE WorLD canNOT

EVEN IF YOU DID IT BY ACCIDENT

and surprise even both of you

the world cannot

whenever you do a show together they make you do so many dances

cant blame them  tho, u two be bomb

point is he’s normally your dance partner in almost everything super junior

and 73% not super junior

but beyond that he is also your bestest buddy

and since it’s a package deal, most of the time donghae is there

yall do everything from wacky antics

to window shopping

to roller coaster riding

to just lying around talking about life

actually, yall pranked the world by saying your were going out once

and thE WORLD BLEW UP

HOW FKING DARE

WE KNEW IT ASHKSDHASDHA

but then yall were like “oh we be playin yall”

EVERYONE WAS SO MAD

LIKE YALL EVEN HAD THE MEMBERS BELIEVING

DONGHAE CRIED BECAUSE HE FELT SO BETRAYED THAT HE DIDNT KNOW

HEECHUL CALLED BULL THO

BUT EVERYONE WAS HELLLLLLA MAD BOUT THIS

When you went sikE Leeteuk wasnt surprised

and everyone gave you shit for so long

Ryeowook vowed to kill both of you

kangin thought it was pretty good though

Eunhyuk and you normally go to parties together

and because you are a d U M b fking drunk

he’s always the one who cleans up after you

because you vomit

and cry

and try to kiss everyone

which is why you have safely kissed everyone in super junior when you're wasted

eunhyuk especially

there are pics to prove it

like

but eunhyuk doesn;t mind

he’d rather be kissed by your vomit flavored mouth than have some ho try to do something to you

he gets really unsettled when other guys come into the picture

he’ll karate chop A morOn

DARE HIM I SWEAR

ya think he be small

but he be strong

those dance moves are his weapon

KA PAW BISH

and we def cant end this without saying

he makes you hangover soup

and all that jazz

when you wanna work out or feel sick

you call eunhyuk

i mean leeteuk loves you but you cant move an inch with that boy

so its eunhyuk

unless you wanna be lazy and need a mom (so leeteuk)

<3

honestly i cheated with that lord almighty part

ARG IM SO SORYY IDEK WHY I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY WHEN I LOVE EUNHYUK SO MUCH

ZHOUMI IS THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE

OR AT LEAST YOU SAY EVERYTIME YOU GET WHEN YOU SEE HIM

which you wish would be a lot more than not

IF you have anything to do in China

it’s zhoumi everyday

he’s who taught you how to speak the language and the one who makes fun of you the most because of your prononciation

but you know obviously its all in good fun

you host some shows together

youve stared in a bunch of chinese mini dramas together

but most of all, you two do a bunch of variety

which people LOVE SO MUCH

liiiiiiiiiike

if you werent so busy with the rest of the world

china would love to keep you for themselves

but anyway back to zhoumi

as i said he be the love of your life

because he’s literally everything you look for in a guy

tall, handsome, smart even though he does DUMB THINGS I CANT BE--

but the only reason why you’re not dating him is

is

is

IS BECAUSE YOU ARENT

I have no explaination

you are dating though

like outwardly

it’s like an unspoken thing

where you are dating but youre not and everyone around you agrees

???

kinda

yeh

with all the chinese variety you’ve done

yall have pretty questionable photos and footage together

like

why is you hand in his mouth

why are you two in one pair of trousers

why are you crying over literal eggshells

why are you laughing at him dressed up in a suit

why is he making heart eyes at you when you;re wearing clown makeup

why is he making heart eyes in general

why are you making heart eyes in general

idk man

what

waht

idek

but what you do know is this

there’s this entire ten page article about how he punch some rich guy in shanghai that tried to get too close and zhoumi threw a punch

yes

out of all the boys in the band who’s said they’d punch a moron on the nose

zhoumi as actually the only one who has had the displeasure of doing just that

It was quite the talk of the town

Honestly many were scared for zhoumi

U and him counted

and the rich moron even threatened to sue

but you pointed out that there was footage in the place and that he’d lose so he should just walk away

of course he walked away

and so yeah

but obviously the sonavbish tried to get rid of any footage

And make it look like an assault

It was to be like an even bigger scandal

but you being a smart bitch that has starred in many dramas with the exact same plot already had a copy and so you won that battle

and zhoumi ‘s career was not ruined

he was even hailed a hero for all the no duh reasons

Yeah he can throw a punch 

zhoumi is so soft for you though

and you for him

he’s usually the one who takes your mind off of things

but you hang out the least out of everyone due to sched differences

that doesn’t mean you dont make time for each other though

OKAY NOW FOR EVERYONE’S FAVORITE BB DONGHAE

donghae that knows all your secrets

knows all your dog stories

all your accidental injuries

all your fails

all your successes

it may take a few moments to jump start and access his mental archive

but its there

and Donghae has been your boyfriend on many many occasions

whether or not it be fake or real the world will never know

you guys are the most intimate with each other

like you guys are so casual

and comfortable

that Leeteuk tells you guys off

HeechUL GETS UNCOMFOTABLE

h e e c h u l

even suju separates you on their own will sometimes

and both of you are like

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

donghae is a certified soft boi

and his softness is amplified when you’re together

PDA is second nature to you two

many hand holds

many cuddles

many suggles

platonic?

... sure

and it doesn’t matter where you two are

public

private

interview

korea

japan

america

narnia

nothing stops you from being touchy

people ask you about it all the time

but once again

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anyway donghae is the go to guy for heart to heart conversations

because he has a heart of gold

the softest purest gold

and he really understands and empathizes

he cries with you over dog movies

and listens to your frustrations

and you listen to him cry

and talk about his feelings

FEELINGS

and you tie it all up by making each other smile

he actually gives really good advice

i mean they all do give good advice at a point

but donghae’s are actually quite on point

even though people think he’s slow

it’s probably because he’s once connected at the hip to you

he’s the one you talk to about boy problems and relationship problems

because he’s the only one that isn’t weirded out about the topic

i mean he’s got a soft spot of you

plus hes really caring

so he’ll listen to whatever topic you want to talk about anyway

he’s really the only who, like, pays attention to all your babbling

most of them tend to overlook that

but never donghae

he’s the guy you call in the middle of the night when you cant sleep

it’s not guaranteed he’ll pick up because i mean duh he has a life

but when he does he really listens

except for when he doesnt

cos he’s tired

(:

and on top of being a cuddly living diary

he’s also your personal massager

like you know those knots on your shoulder

what knots on your shoulders

he massages them away because

youre his ultimate weakness

when you need him he’ll be there in a heartbeat, racing leeteuk to get to you

although he’s not as motherly as leeteuk

he’s more of a brother really

like he is motherly

he does baby you

I MEAN THEY ALL BABY YOU YOU’re THE MAKNAE DUH

but

i can

no actually

i cant explain

because i got nothing

AGAIN WHICH IS FRUSTRATING BECAUSE I LOVE DONGHAE

DHADJ:ASD

YOU AND SIWON ARE THE POWER COUPLE EVERYONE WISHES THEY COULD BE

yall do the most goals things ever

and end up posting it on insta like the aesthetic things you are

he’s the guy you call when you wanna go out and tour

and you guessed it

he’s the second person in super junior you work most with out of the group

can you imagine the power you two hold in dramas

sometimes you do cameos in his shows

sometimes its the other way around

YOU TWO ARE ACTUALLY THE ONLY ONES WITH FOOTAGE OF KISSING

honestly it was a make out but you know

donghae’s fine

Siwon and you travel a lot

in a small scale sense where you just go around on a food trip

or going on a short vacation to another country

dont tell the others tho

YOU DO CHARITIES TOGETHER

and its honestly the cutest thing ever like siwon and his charities ad;hkasd

you two have this meme where its just a compilation of you two lauging

cos yall get WEIRD when you laugh together

your laugh is weird in general

and super junior is weird in general

but you and siwon laughing is just weirder

Whenever you have to go somewhere where you think youre going to die because of the formality

you bring siwon along because he’s the most businessman looking out of everyone

plus he holds a rich man aura

because he is

so

haha

honestly he should just buy SM wtf

He is also the one you go to for advice

because sometimes crying with donghae isn’t really the way you want to go

he’s normally your outside opinion guy

when you normally have a course of action already in your head

but youre just not sure how to go

he gives solid points

and he’s quite firm with his answers

when you need him he doesn’t come as quick as leeteuk or donghae

but he’s the one who leaves last

because he’s just thorough like that

like if you have a mental break down

he’ll come when he can and make sure to make extra time for you

because he wants to both make it up to you and make sure you’re alright

also

i should add

that on top of being very aesthetic together with your black tie events and whatnot

yall make post memes of each other often on your own accounts SO MUCH

ELFs dig it

iconic really

ryeowook actually hates you

like

he hates you because you have such a beautiful voic

he hates that youre pretty

he hates that youre talented

HE HATES THE COMPETITION

but it is also what completes him

It adds to his purpose in life

To cruSh u

N remind u who is butter

yall bicker the most out of everyone

yall raise your voices at each other the most

you always attack each other

AND SOMETIMES KYUHYUN PITS YOU TWO TOGETHER AND

it’s too much to handle

but when you catch on that you’re being played

You and ryeowook teamup

AND KYUHYUN PAYS

EVERYONE THAT CROSSES YOU PAYS

BWHAHAHAHAAHHA

the sass is real when you’re together

THE AMOUNT OF SHADE you throw

makes both of your skin visibly darker to a point

he’s mostly the one to call you out when you and kangin are doing something dumb

or when you and donghae start getting cuddly

or when you just show your face to him

because yes he hates you

BUT

if he hears anyone say anything REMOTELY BAD ABOUT YOU

he wILL attacK

if he thinKS SOMEONE’s BEING TOO sarcASTIC

HE WILL CUT THEM

because only HE can be mean to you

which is why they actually think you’re dating

pipe the HECK down if you have something to say

and the feeling is mutual for you

if anyone says anything bad about ryeowook OR ANY OF YOUR BOYS

they’re dead

cold

but sometimes both of you hate super junior together

and theres a bunch of videos of you questioning why you’re both still here

when he’s not hating you though

he’s violently supporting you

VIOLENTLY

have you heard this man scream

HE SCREAMS HIGHER THAN ANY FEMALE FAN COULD

and LOUDER

if you’re doing something live

heS ONLY THERE TO SCREAM FOR YOU

then he’s out

him and yesung are on a roll when you get an award

and on your live performances

theres normally a cut scene to him in the crowd holding a big ass sign that says something mean

like I HOPE YOU TRIP in bold letters

but in fine print is continues IN SUCCESS AND GOOD HEALTH

cheeeeeeeeeezzzzyyyyyy

but that’s ryeowook for ya

Everyone's confused how you are able to be so violent and mean

But also so cheesily soft

Honestly u just weird

And so is ryeowook

when you need advice he fights you first

"How could you be so dumb to have a problem like that"

then,he'll tell you what to do

OR

If he can, he fights your problem

and then solves it for you that way

Thats how it is, violently soft hek

So serious

ANYWAY KYUHYUN ALSO HATES YOU 

DUH

but unlike ryeowook he sometimes actually make people end up wondering if youre dating

Cause ryeowook and u be mean but not so lovey dovey

But you and kyuhyun are mean and lovey dovey

Like

he makes sure you suffer

suffer in embarrassment in live television

and will do everything in his power to get you and ryeowook to stab each other

but if you squint hard enough

he acts hella whipped for you to be pretty damn honest

anyone with a brain can put together that he’s basically like a child

a child being mean to his crush because he doesn’t know what to do

EW FEELINGS

but yall know what

even though ya both be also killing each other

THE BALLADS YOU GUYS HAVE

I cannnnOt even

is OFF THE CHARTS TEAR JERKING

like

any drama that has been blessed with your vocals

----i meaaaan-----

your song can save any drama

becAUSE

and yall do a lot of live performances together

uhm did I mention you’re basically part of the sub-unit KRY

actuallY JK nvm, it’s you and kyuhyun alone actually

just you and him

hitting those notes like no other

AnD theN theRE was This incident

that you had to perform in on a live awardshow

BUT you Got INTO an aCCIDENT

but like a vocal accident

as in you lost your voice

YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED

kyuhyun covered for you duh

because  even if he wants you to suffer in public

he wants it to be by his hand

and not because you ended up getting sick suddenly

I do have to say he’s not very reliable tbh

for the sole reason he wishes to be the true maknae and to desTROY U

yes

that

and EW FEELINGs

“are you sure you hate her though” -literally everyone

“YES!” kyuhyun would answer without missing a beat

“seem like bull by ok”

THE MEMES YOU TWO HAVE AS WELL

THE MEMES

the there can only be one

i would’ve killed you if the lights were closed

excuse you, trash

i sarangHATE U Bitch

boi i cant wtf am i doin

and again

i cannot stress enough that kyuhyun wants your death by his hand

so if someone else comes for you

he’s going to attack that person more than they have you

whenever people ask him about you to, he gets all protective and scary

in summarry, he wants death but not really

yikes

heNRY IS THE WORST

he’s the only one who actually treats you like youre a child

wtf

like you two are the closest in age

the audacity

the nerve

i cant believe

he literally pulls the Oppa card

every

frikin

wHeRE

LISTEN BOI SHE BE GROWN

he literally holds your hand when you cross the street

he asks you if you’ve eaten

he coddles you, especially around others

he brings you juice on set if ever you appear on the same show

LieK

he’s so embarrassing

he be actin as if he’z ya dad

liIKEEE

get a grip

but as embarrassing as he is

he is also your best friend

and he talks fondly about you everywhere

literally never talks shit about you

unless its true tho lololo

and for real is probably literally in love with you

but is like “I’m her older brother tho so”

acts like an older brother 23/6

and the remaining time like a sweet and ExTreMely embarrassing boyfriend

will do anything for you to be honest

YOU TWO GO ABROAD TOGETHER A LOT AND ARE GOALS

if you and kyuhyun do lame things

YOU AND HENRY LIVE IT UP

yall do weird shit online too

and yall have done questionable things on variety

korean

chinese

wherever

which is why you’ve hosted a variety special before

IT WAS ICONIC

if you ever feel down

or sad

or angry

or frustrated

henry is the guy to call to be reminded of the brighter things

like THIS BOY IS ACTUAL SUNSHINE HELP

nothing is impossible or gloomy with henry

and yall thrive in all the crack-ish things you do together

yes

end

[bazypitchandsimonsnow]

Bad Dreams

Rating: T

Genre: Fluff/Angst

Word count: 19428

Summary: In a state of nightmare induced sleep deprivation, Simon tries a new spell, and it leads to unexpected, terrible results. Can he work with his worst enemy to fix it? Based on "there's only one bed and we wake up cuddling" request.

Read on AO3

AN: Hello! I'm so sorry this took so long. Basically my life has been a mess for weeks. Furiously job hunting, bad headaches, not sleeping well, and a new medication that gave me some really bad side effects. I could only write about a page a day for a week, which is very low for me, and it became longer than intended. But I finished it! Thanks to @carryonmylovelies for her endless support and invaluable help. This fic wouldn't exist without her, and I mean that. Now hope you guys like this :)

———————————————

Simon

“Pen,” I yawn, “what are we doing out here?” I’m rubbing my eyes like a toddler. I didn’t sleep well last night, or the night before. (I don’t sleep well any night, really.) But usually I’m taking a shower or in bed by now. But Pen has dragged me outside into the fall chill tonight for some reason.

“To work on ‘all parts make the whole’,” she replies, like it’s totally obvious we should be doing this, even though the drawbridge is closing in twenty minutes.

“Why?”

She looks at me over her glasses. “Do you not remember today in elocution class?”

My faces goes a bit red. I rub the back of my neck. “I didn’t mean to make the vase go all...goopy...”

“I know, Simon,” she sighs. “That’s why you should practice.”

“What’s even the point of this spell?” I grumble.

“To fix things, put them back together and all.”

“Isn’t that what ‘as you were’ is for?”

“‘As you were’ works best for things that have just been broken. This spells is for stuff that’s been really badly broken for awhile. And I’ve got the perfect thing.”

She pulls out a checkered napkin and lays it on a tree stump. A bunch of random shiny silver pieces and hot pink plastic spread out around the fabric. At first I think she brought a bunch of random junk, but despite what a certain vampire thinks, I’m not a total idiot. When I see little black arrows, I realise what it is.

“How long have you been holding on to a bunch of broken watch pieces, Pen?”

“It’s not mine,” she scoffs. “It’s Pacey’s. He stepped on it a year ago and it’s been sitting in his junk drawer ever since. He’s a bloody hoarder, never throws anything out.”

“And you have it because...?”

“Snatched it up at Christmas for practice. Thought it would be for me, but it’s perfect for you. Now,” she points at the broken pieces, “put it back together, Simon”

I chew on my lip and spin my wand. It’s clumsy and slow like everything I do with my wand. I just hope I don’t blow anything up today. I don’t want to hurt Penny. Slowly, I point the already glowing tip of my wand down at the pieces.

“All the parts make the whole!” I say, not with too much magic so I won’t destroy the entire woods. But apparently it isn’t enough to actually, y’know, do the spell. The magic fizzles out like a faulty firecracker. I shake my arm, trying to put more magic out, but nothing. I frown and I feel like a little kid, but I can’t help it. Years later, and it’s still a bit disappointing that I’m such a shite mage.

“Hm,” Penny says thoughtfully, rubbing her chin, “wonder what’s blocking up your power.”

“When is it not blocked up?” I grumble.

“Well, when you go off I guess.”

Dammit, she’s right. Either I explode or nothing happens at all. I slump forward with a pout. Agatha says I slouch too much and it’s going to ruin my posture. Well, that is, she used to. Until we broke up last week. That wound is still a bit raw.

I feel Penny’s arm wrap around mine. She presses her cheek against my shoulder. It’s nice when she does that. It’s nice to know she’s not afraid of me.

“You’ll get it eventually, Si,” she says kindly.

I lean on top of her head. “Thanks, Pen.”

I really am grateful, but fuck, I wish I could believe her.

———————————————

I'm slowly working my way through the requests, but I'm starting my new job next week so it may be a bit of a wait for the next one. See y'all again hopefully soon :D

When I get back to my room, I’m hoping to just toss the napkin sack of watch parts in a corner and go to bed. But of course he’s there, sitting at his desk, doing his homework like some goody two shoes. Acting like he isn’t an evil plotting vampire.

“What’s that Snow?” he asks, grey eyes fixed on the tied up napkin. “Your hobo sack?”

I’ve had a long day, filled with failing at magic classes then failing at Penny’s spell, so I’m far, far too tired to deal with Baz’s bollocks. So I just make a noise at him and stomp towards my bed. He scoffs very loudly.

“Eloquent as ever, I see.”

“Fuck off,” I growl.

“Oh, two words, a Simon Snow rarity. I feel so honoured.”

Though part of me really wants to yell or punch him, I’m too tired to start a fight. Plus the stupid Anathema. And I need a shower. So I just throw the watch pieces into my pile of laundry, snatch up some mostly clean pyjama pants, and my towel. Baz can go eat his stupid homework for all I care.

The shower is really nice. The warm water is really relaxing, making all my tense muscles slowly unwind. I had a really bad nightmare last night. It was a familiar one though. I was back in the care home and I went off, but this time everyone wasn’t safe. They all burned. Because of me. And I had to watch.

I shake the images out of my head, then finish washing up. I’m almost tempted to use some of Baz’s fancy products to treat myself, but he’ll smell it. Stupid rich vampire with his stupid vampire senses. Maybe the day before graduation I’ll swipe some shampoo, just as one last “fuck you” to the guy who’s made my life hell for over seven years. Petty as fuck but effective in my opinion.

I get out before the water turns cold and towel off. My hair doesn’t get fully dry. It never does, it’s so bloody thick. It holds more water than a sponge. I make I’ve got my trousers on before I go outside. Despite living together for so long, Baz and I have never been naked in front of each other. I’m not changing that any time soon.

When I get out, Baz is sitting on his bed, back against the wall, holding a book. It’s some weird nonfiction shit that I can’t even fathom being entertaining. His eyes flick up to me.

“Finally,” he says flatly. “Took you long enough.”

“Sorry I kept you waiting, your majesty,” I grumble.

“As you should be. I shouldn’t suffer because the Chosen One needs to get off in the shower.”

My entire face goes tomato red. Holy shit, I cannot believe he just said that. I want to say something mean rude in return, but no words come out as usual. I’m just gaping at Baz like a bright scarlet fish. He just keeps glaring at me, totally unfazed by his implication that I was fucking wanking in the shower with him right there.

“F-Fuck off,” I say, far too weakly to make any impact, then turn around. Fuck, he might think he’s actually right. He’s not, I’m just too tired and shocked and embarrassed to fight him. I hate that Baz can do this to me. Make me feel even more wordless and stupid than I already feel all the time.

I hang up my towel, toss my clothes in my overflowing hamper, and flop down heavily on my bed. I stare at the blank wall so I don’t have to look at Baz. I hear him get up from his bed and pad his way over to the bathroom then close the door. Like he’s one to complain about taking long in the bathroom. He always spends twenty minutes just washing his stupid perfect face. I close my eyes tight, and try to force myself to sleep. Hopefully the nightmares won’t be too bad tonight.

———————————————

Baz

The second the bathroom door is closed, I allow myself to panic. I press a hand to my erratic heartbeat and take a shaky breath. Merlin, Morgana, and Methuselah, what the everloving fuck is wrong with me?! Why did I say that?! Why did I imply that Snow was wanking in the shower out loud?! Of course I was thinking about it, much to my eternal shame. But then I fucking said it!

I’m usually so much better. I’ve spent years building up my self control, especially when it comes to bloody Snow. I must be far too tired. My nightmares have been waking me up in the middle of the night, then I toss and turn for hours.

(When I’m particularly weak from exhaustion, I stare at Snow. Sometimes watching the slow movement of his chest lulls me back into slumber. It’s just his breathing, the steady, calming rhythm of it, nothing to do with him. At least that’s what I try to tell myself.)

I lean back on the door, thumping my head against it as softly as possible. As if being a vampire wasn’t bad enough, I’m completely disastrous just as a person. I couldn’t at least be a wise or courageous blood sucking monster. No, I’m a pathetic one who lets his unfortunate crush know he thinks about him wanking then goes and panics in the toilet, all because he lost a bit of sleep. The universe is never kind to me.

Enough whining, Basil, I can almost hear Fiona say, Pitches don’t mope. Well, this Pitch does, but she would be right. There’s no point in staying here forever, even though I would like to. I push myself off the door and go to the sink. Snow thinks my nightly routine takes far too long. He doesn’t understand the trials of proper skincare and dental hygiene. (Considering Snow’s sugary diet and the fact that he only spends thirty seconds brushing in the morning, I’m surprised all his perfect teeth haven’t fallen out yet.) (Wonderful lucky idiot.)

Once I’m done, it’s time to re-enter my personal hell, which is always wherever Snow is. I cautiously stick my head out, and to my relief, Snow is asleep. He’s facing the opposite wall, curled up in his usual knot. With my vampire vision, I can see his face in the dark. It’s all twisted up in anguish. Nightmares, again. I wish I could walk over there and somehow kiss all his bad dreams away. Not that he would want me to. Not that I even could. I’m a dark creature designed to kill. Not exactly made to comfort.

I silently walk over to bed. Luckily I was able to feed after supper, so I’ll sleep easy tonight. Well, as easy as I can. I lay down and pull up all my blankets. I take one last glance at Snow’s broad, freckled back, then reluctantly look back at the bland wall. I slip into slumber too, listening to the faint sound of Snow’s breathing.

———————————————

Simon

It’s burning. The White Chapel, the Cloisters, Mummer’s House, everything. I stand completely still on the great field surrounded by fire. All of watford is burning, and it’s all my fault.

“You did this, Simon,” Penny says. She’s suddenly standing right in front of me. She’s not smiling or frowning. Her face is blank. And that’s somehow worse.

“I-I didn’t mean to!” I try to yell, but my voice is so small.

“But you did, Simon.” The Mage is here too now. His arms are crossed over his chest. He looks down on me like he always does.

“It was an accident!”

“Accident or not, it doesn’t matter.” He glares harder, blue eyes like icy daggers. “You should learn to control yourself better.”

“I-I’m sorry,” I sob. Tears are flowing freely down my face. “I-I- I can’t- What do-”

“Use your words, Snow,” Baz hisses, a sneer on his lips. I try to talk, but my voice is completely gone. Baz rolls his eyes. “Truly the worst Chosen One that’s ever been chosen.”

I keep trying and trying to speak but it’s hopeless. I hear a childish giggle, but it sounds wrong. Warped, weird, pure evil. I look up. Sitting on the burning White Chapel is him, and he looks like, tossing my old red ball.

“Looks like you did my job for me,” the Humdrum chirps, “thanks, Simon.”

I scream. But no sound comes out as the fire engulfs me.

———————————————

I wake up with a gasp. My limbs feel heavy, unable to move. I have to lay there panting, tears streaming down my face, while my body comes back online. It’s a freaky feeling to be frozen like that. But eventually, I’m able to twitch a finger, and sensation slowly creeps through my body. I let out a long sigh and stretch out in a arch. I blink the gum away from my eyes to see faint light. From the looks of it, it’s barely six am. And I feel like absolute shit. It’s like I didn’t sleep at all, again. Fucking hell, today is going to suck, again.

I get out of bed and accidentally knock into quite a bit of furniture as I stumble to the bathroom. I hear a groan from the lump of blankets that’s supposedly Baz. He hates when I wake him up. Well, I didn’t ask to share a room with his posh vampiric arse, so he can just fucking deal with it.

When I’m done in the bathroom, Baz is already up. He’s rubbing his face up and down, then he glares at me. Are there bags under his eyes? Guess he had nightmares too. We both have them, it kind of sucks.

“Did I take too long again?” I grumble.

Baz scowls. “I thought heroes were supposed to be all compassionate and shit, yet you always wake me up at the ass crack of dawn.”

I scowl right back. “I thought vampires slept in coffins.”

He scoffs, though he looks so tired it loses a bit of impact. “I don’t know about that, Snow, go ask one.”

He grabs his perfectly folded uniform and stands up, knocking my shoulder as he passes. Apparently, my magic decides to flare up in anger at that exact moment, because Baz jolts away with a furious look on his face.

“Control yourself, Chosen One,” he growls. “Crowley, your magic is so useless.”

It’s too early for me to come up with another retort, so I just focus on getting dressed. Baz scoffs unkindly then goes back to the bathroom. Once he’s gone, I allow myself to fall into a bit of self pity. I hate it but he’s right. I’m useless at magic. I’m a terrible mage. I can’t control my power or even cast a bloody spell. And one day, I’m going to burn everything to the ground.

I get dressed as quickly as possible. (Don’t want Baz to see me, duh.) When he comes out, he’s got his hair slicked back and uniform all pristine. He gives me one last sneer, grabs his bookbag, and stomps off. I don’t know where the fuck he’s going. Breakfast isn’t for another half hour. Whatever, as long as he’s not fucking here.

As I’m collecting my school stuff (which is...everywhere), I come across the weird makeshift bag filled with Pacey’s broken watch pieces. Just looking at it makes my blood boil, reminding me of my stupid failure. Baz’s harsh words are still ringing in my ear. Y’know what? Fuck him, the stupid vampire prick. I snatch up the napkin and open it on my bed.

With wand in hand, I stare down at the pieces. I try to focus on the fact that they’re supposed to be together. I point at them as steadily as I can.

“All the parts make the whole,” I say, and my voice is booming. I feel my power rush down my arm, through my wand, and right into the watch pieces. They start to pull together, going back into place, becoming whole. I smile broadly. It worked! For once, my magic worked! Fuck yes! Take that, Tyrannus.

Wait, why isn’t it stopping? The watch is fully assembled, but my magic is still flowing out of me in a roaring wave. I try to let go of my wand, but my hand won’t budge. I can’t even move it out of place. What the actual fuck?! I feel the the magic go past the watch and into the mattress beneath. My bed starts glowing gold. The light gets brighter and brighter, but I can’t stop it. Wait, is Baz’s bed glowing too?! I shield my eyes just before there’s a blinding flash of light.

And then, nothing. The whole room is deadly silent.

Slowly, I pull my hand down, blinking the spots from my vision. Once I see what’s happened, my jaw falls open and I drop my wand. Oh shit. Instead of two single beds as far as possible, there’s one double bed, merged together. One side has the sheets kicked down, and the other has a million quilts.

“Fuck,” I whisper. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

I start pacing back and forth, pulling at my hair with one hand and chewing my nails on the other. How the fuck did I do that?! Is my magic getting that insane? More importantly, how the fuck do I fix it? I have no fucking clue.

But I know who might.

———————————————

Penelope

It starts as a totally normal day. For once, there’s nothing exciting or life threatening. It’s a bit of a welcome change, honestly, especially after the terrifying insanity at the end of last term. But when I see Simon running towards me in the dining hall at breakfast, not even stopping to grab a scone, I know something’s up.

“Penny, Penny,” he pants, leaning over me with wide eyes, “I need your help.”

“Is it the Humdrum?” I ask.

He shakes his head. “No, no, it’s- it’s just- Come with me, please.”

He sounds scared, and incredibly desperate. I get up immediately. “Okay, I’ll go.”

Simon immediately turns and starts jogging. I follow behind him. My mind is racing with what the fuck is going on. What could make Simon panic so much? I would say the Humdrum, (especially after what we found out), but he said it wasn’t that. He wouldn’t lie. So what else? Maybe Baz sneezed on him by accident and Simon now thinks he’s a zombie. That could unfortunately be a possibility.

We climb all the way up to Simon and Baz’s room at the top of Mummer’s House. Luckily everyone is in the dining hall so I don’t get noticed going in. The second Simon throws the door open, I know exactly why he was panicking.

“Crowley,” I gasp.

“Yeah,” he says. “I know.”

I walk up to double bed. It’s obvious what happened. The blankets and sheets are mismatched, as well as weirdly melded together in the middle like two paints that had been mixed on a palette. One side has a bunched up Watford issue grey wool blanket at the bottom, and has a literal mountain of covers. (Three guesses who’s side is who’s.) I walk forward and cautiously touch the middle. It doesn’t feel sewn or melted. It feels like it’s one thing and always has been.

“How did this happen?” I ask.

Simon is pulling at his hair, making it messier than it already is. “I-I was trying that spell again, y’know that one with the watch. And it worked, but then my magic wouldn’t stop, a-and there was a big flash and then...this happened.”

“‘All parts make the whole’ did...this?!” I’m flabbergasted. I’ve never heard of that spell doing anything close to this.

“Yeah, but I don’t know how! There was just all this light and-and I don’t know what to do!”

I rub my forehead, trying to push out the tension in my muscles. “Have you tried any spells?

“N-No. I just went to go get you...”

He looks ashamed. I sigh and pat his arm. That calms him down a bit, but not a lot. “Let me try some separating spells, okay?”

Simon nods. “Okay, thank you.”

I give him one more pat and adjust my ring. “Welcome, Si. Now step back.”

He does as I say. I roll my shoulders sand try to conjure every separation spell in my mind. Considering Simon’s magic, I might need all of them.

“As you were,” I say, forcing in as much power as possible. The magic flows out from my ring, I can feel it, but when it hits the bed, nothing happens. All the energy fizzles out. Fuck, that’s frustrating. I guess this is how Simon feels when his magic decides to not work.

“Break in two!” Once again, nothing.

“Go our separate ways!” Nothing.

“Split it down the middle!” Nada.

“Divide it fifty fifty!” Bupkus!

I sigh and lower my hand. It’s not working. Nothing I do is affecting Simon’s strange, erratic magic. “Nicks and slicks,” I groan. “Those are all the ones I know off the top of my head.”

Simon strumbles past me, then sits heavily on his side of the now double bed with a look of absolute terror. “Baz is going to kill me,” he says, voice shaky. “This is what’s going to make him finally snap and drain all my blood.”

I sit down next to him, putting a hand on his back. “He’s not going to kill you, Si.”

“For this?!” He flails wildly, indicating the Franken-bed I suppose. “Yeah, he fucking would, Pen.”

“Simon, I doubt Baz would-”

“What the absolute fuck is this, Snow!?”

We both look up, and yup, there’s the man himself. Baz’s jaw is firmly on the ground and his eyes are burning more brightly than his fire. I can feel Simon seize up. I don’t blame, even I’m a bit freaked out. Baz is powerful mage and he looks beyond furious.

“Uh, Baz-” Simon starts. “I-I didn’t- It’s not- Uh-”

“Stop stuttering, you numpty, and tell me what the fuck happened!” Baz starts marching towards us, but I stand up before he gets close. I glare at him, a hand on his chest to keep him away from Simon. Surprisingly, and luckily, he stops.

“Baz, it was an accident,” I say firmly.

“An accident?! How did he screw up this royally?!”

Simon stands up, wringing his hands. “I-I was trying a spell! And it went...weird.”

“Weird?” Baz hisses. “‘Weird’ is changing a shirt from white to polka dots. This is a fucking nightmare! You merged our bloody beds together!”

“I didn’t mean to!”

“I don’t care!”

“Enough!” I shout. “Both of you, calm the fuck down. Baz, it was an accident, so there’s no point in getting angry. Simon, we both know that you didn’t mean to do this, so Baz is not going to hurt you.” I glare at Baz. “Right?”

Baz growls, low and angry, almost animalistic. It makes me almost believe Simon’s insane ramblings about vampirism. Simon doesn’t look reassured at all. I push the two of them further apart. For their safety and mine.

“We can’t fix it right at this moment,” I say. I have to push harder on Baz. “But we can fix it eventually. Until then, you two need to be on truce. No fighting, no yelling, and absolutely no killing or attempted killing. Understood?’

“But-” Simon starts.

“No but’s, Si.”

“What about-” Baz starts this time.

“And no what abouts, Basil! Truce, no questions. Both of you understand that?”

They look at each other over my head. (Damn being short.) I don’t have to look up to feel them glaring. The tension is thicker than Simon’s beloved butter and I could cut it with his sword. I feel like an intruder on their constant fighting. Though really, they’re barely noticing my existence.

“Fine,” Baz says from between gritted teeth.

“Fine,” Simon echoes, spitting the words out like they’re sour.

“Good.” I let up some of the pressure on their chests. “Now shake on it and I’ll spell it”

Baz scowls. “Is that really necessary?”

I roll my eyes and look at Simon. “Do you trust Baz?”

“No!” he replies instantly.

I look back at Baz. “And do you trust Simon?” He doesn’t reply, but I already know the answer. “Exactly. Now shake on it.”

Slowly, cautiously, I step out from between them, and thankfully they don’t immediately go for each other’s throats. Simon offers his hand first. Baz looks at him. His lip twitches, but he takes it.

“I promise I won’t harm you,” Baz mutters.

“I promise I won’t harm you either,” Simon says just as reluctantly.

I point my ring at their joined hands. “An English man’s word is his bond.”

Their hands glow blueish-purple for a second, the colour of my magic. The spell honestly won’t do much if, maybe make their arms go numb for a few days if they try to throw a punch. But hopefully the threat of punishment is enough to keep these two idiots from throttling each other. I have no clue how they’re going to figure out sleeping arrangements. But that’s their problem. I’m going to have my own issues sorting through spell books.

“There,” I put my hands on my hips, “truce is magically made.”

Baz pulls away like Simon’s touch is burning him. Simon puts his hands in his trouser pockets, looking like a kicked puppy. Poor guy. Of course I believe it was an accident. Simon wouldn’t do this on purpose. He’s probably so embarrassed. I’ll give him a hug later.

“I’ll keep looking for spells,” I say. “Right now, we should get a little breakfast before class, okay?”

“Fine.” Baz snatches up his bag and a notebook from his desk. Guess that’s why he came back. Well, it’s a good thing I was here when he confronted Simon, or the Anathema probably would’ve tossed both these idiots out a window.

Baz storms out. Simon and I follow behind. He’s still all slumped and pouty. I put an arm around his back, and he leans against me a bit. This is all going to be alright. I know it is. It has to be...

———————————————

Simon

I spend the rest of the day on the edge. Sometimes quite literally. I nearly fall out of my chair once from sitting too far on the side and jittering my leg too hard. I try not to think about it, but I can’t. Fuck, what am I going to do? How are we going to sleep tonight? More importantly, what the fuck is Baz going to do to me once Penny isn’t there to protect me? I wonder if the Anathema will actually protect me. I doubt it. It won’t do much if Baz drains all my blood.

Surprisingly, Baz doesn’t try to kill me during class, or even glare at me all the time. He actually pointedly avoids looking at me, focusing on his work and food. Everytime I look up he’s hunched over something. Maybe he’s busy plotting the most gruesome way to kill me. I try to not think about that too hard, for the sake of my sanity.

Unfortunately the day eventually ends. I’m extremely reluctant to go back to my room. Penny apparently can’t let me hide in her closet for the night, which is one of the worst things that has happened in my life. I make sure to drag my feet as much as I can on the way back to Mummer’s. It takes me twenty minutes to ascend the stairs of the tower. I slowly push the door open and poke my head in. I breathe a very long sigh of relief when I hear the shower going. Weird, Baz showers in the mornings, but I’m not complaining. The inevitable fight is put off for at least a bit.

I quickly throw on my pyjama trousers, as well as a shirt for once. I have no clue what the sleeping arrangements are going to be but I feel like I should be fully covered. I cautiously sit on the side that was my bed, making sure I don’t even touch Baz’s side. He would probably smell it. Stupid vampire senses.

Only a few minutes later, Baz emerges from the bathroom, hair slicked back, a cloud of steam behind him. Seriously, could he be anymore of a black and white movie vampire? He’s dressed in his grey silk pyjamas, the ones that match his eyes. Which are currently narrowed at me in contempt.

“What do you think you’re doing, Snow?” he asks bitingly.

I look around, trying to find specifically what I’ve fucked up this time. But it doesn’t seem like I’ve done anything for once. “Um...sitting?”

He crosses his arms. “I am not sleeping on the floor. My back isn’t suffering because of your magical fuck up.”

“Oh,” I squeak. We hadn’t talked, but I guess one of us is sleeping on the floor. That makes sense. Sorta. “W-Why can’t we, like, share? The bed is big enough to fit us both without touching.”

His eyes go wide and his mouth drops open like I just slapped him. I don’t see it as that unreasonable. I mean, I don’t trust him, but the floor doesn’t look comfortable. “Absolutely not,” he hisses. “It’s bad enough I have to share a room with you, I’m not sharing a bloody bed.”

I humph, blowing hair out of my face. “Fine. But how am I supposed to sleep? We only have one mattress now...”

He squints, but not in anger this time. It’s the same expression he has during a difficult exam. His grey eyes flit around for a bit before settling on me again. “Did all the blankets meld?”

I stick my hand under the Franken-blanket, and feel a few of Baz’s fleeces. They still seem small. “Uh, no, some are still separate.”

“Good. Take those, gather them up on the floor, sleep on them.”

My jaw falls open. “Seriously?!”

“Yes, seriously. You’re the Chosen One, you can survive sleeping on the floor until we fix your fuck up.”

I open my mouth to protest, but nothing comes out. I can’t think of anything. Baz just keeps glaring at me. Fuck, I can’t fight back. He’ll take my every word and turn it back on me like always. So I just grumble as I start gathering up some of Baz’s stupid blankets and my pillow, all of which I dump on the floor while scowling at Baz. He looks totally unaffected. Typical.

As I gather up the blankets into a makeshift bed, Baz just gets under the big blanket, gathering it around himself in his typical cocoon. He’s probably going to be shivering all night. Suck it you plotting vampire.

The blankets don’t really work as a proper bed but, well, it’s better than nothing I guess. I sink into my pillow, sleep starting to creep over me. Baz spells the lights off without another word, as usual. He’ll probably sneak off to the catacombs to feed soon. Or maybe bite me. (He better not bite me.)  I’m not comfortable at all. I hope Penny can fix this soon.

———————————————

Baz

I don’t know where I am. It’s just dark, and smokey, and smells of blood. Slowly, I look down at my hands. Red drips from my fingertips. It’s me. I’m the blood smell.

“Basil,” a voice croaks, “why?”

I look down. My mother lays there at my feet. She’s filthy, hands helplessly covering the gushing wound on her neck. Her eyes are wide and confused.

“Mum?” I whisper. It’s been so long since I said that. I’ve always called Daphne “mother.” Only Natasha Grimm-Pitch has ever been called “mum” by me.

“Why are you like this, Basil?” she asks through a sob.

I kneel next to her, bloody hands hovering over her. “I-I didn’t mean to. I never asked to be a vampire.”

“You’re a monster.”

“I don’t want to be!”

“You’re not my son. Not anymore”

“Yes, I am!” I cry out, and suddenly my voice is small. That of a five year old child’s. The age she died.

“Monster,” she chokes out. Then the last gush of blood falls from her skin, and I watch the light die from her grey eyes. I’m reduced to body wracking sobs over her corpse. My tiny, five year old hands can only hold onto her so tight. My sobs become whimpers and groaning and panting breaths.

But, wait, those aren’t my sounds. That’s not my voice.

———————————————

My eyes slowly blink open in the darkness. At first I think the blood I drank after Snow fell asleep is waking me up to piss. But with my stupid vampire senses, I can see quite well. and I can see Simon Snow. I’ve rolled over to his side of the bed in my sleep. (It smells like him, smoke and sweet things. My unconscious is such an arsehole) He’s no more than a foot away and below me, whimpering and groaning and panting on his floor blankets.

He looks like he always does at night, sleeping in a knot with his face screwed up in pain. But I can see it even clearer now. He’s thrashing quite a lot. Rolling back and forth, fingers flexing, face all pulled together in pain. Fuck, I hate seeing him in pain. And he looks so scared and hurt right now. I want to help him. But he would never, ever want my help.

Snow whimpers pathetically, and I watch tears fall down his cheeks. Shit.

I lean over the side, close to him. “Snow,” I whisper, but there’s no change.

“Snow,” I whisper louder. He twitches but still doesn’t wake up. Shit, he looks to be in even more distress.

“Snow!” No change. In fact, he’s starting to get worse. He’s crying harder. It makes my heart shatter.

I reach down and poke him. “Snow, it’s a bad dream, just wake up.”

He’s panting, crying, and thrashing more. I can’t leave them like this, but I can’t do anything else right? Snow lets out a sob. The sound hits me deep in my undead heart.

Oh, fuck it.

I grab his shoulder and shake him firmly. “Simon!”

His blue eyes fly open with a loud gasp. I pull my hand back immediately. Snow takes deep, shuddering breaths, body completely still. I’ve seen him like this a few times. He can stay frozen for a couple seconds or almost ten minutes. Depends on the nightmare, I suppose. This time, it only takes a minute. I subtly breathe a sigh of relief when I see his shoulders twitch. Slowly, his bleary eyes meet mine. They’re not angry or sad, just confused.

“You called me Simon,” he whispers.

Fuck I hope he doesn’t see the way my face heats up in the dark. What the fuck is wrong with him? I wake him up from a nightmare and his first thought is that I called him by his stupid beautiful first name? What a stupid gorgeous moron.

“No, I didn’t,” I grumble. It’s a blatant lie, but I’m praying to whomever will listen that he’s too sleepy to argue. I then turn back on my side, my back towards him. “Go back to sleep, Snow.”

Thankfully, Snow doesn’t keep arguing. From the sound of it, he rolls over too. I will myself back to sleep. I hope I don’t have anymore nightmares tonight. And I hope he doesn’t either.

———————————————

Simon

“Si, that’s the third time you’ve rolled your neck,” Penny says.

“I know,” I grumble. “Bloody floor is so uncomfortable.”

Penny looks up from her huge spellbook. “Have you seriously been sleeping on the for the entire past week?”

“Yeah. Baz won’t let me sleep in the bed. Says he’s not going to fuck up his back because of my fuck up.”

“That’s mean.”

“He is mean.”

“Damn right I am,” Baz says smoothly, before dropping books on the table with a soft thunk. He sits at the head of the table. Figures. Probably thinks he deserves to lord over us. “My spine will not ache because my roommate is an idiot.”

I stick my tongue out at him. Baz rolls his eye. “Extremely mature, Snow.”

I flip him off and look back down at my book. He’s right, it was juvenile, but it’s how I feel. Stupid prick. It really was an accident and now I have a bad back. Like he cares. Though, it hasn’t been all bad. Baz has woken me up from a couple nightmares, including that first night. I wonder why. Maybe he thinks I’ll have worse nightmares when I go back to sleep but I don’t. So, ha, plot ruined in my favour, you stupid posh vampire.

We’ve been doing this every day after tea break, going to the library and researching spells to fix the bed. Luckily we all have the same free period. Sadly, we still haven’t found anything, and I haven’t been able to will it back to normal either. I suggested we ask the Mage for help, but Baz immediately shut that down. He says the Mage will find some way to blame him. I told him he was being paranoid but he was firm. So we’re still here, still researching, and I’m still sleeping on the bloody floor.

“How about this one?” I ask, “‘Parting is such sweet sorrow?’”

Penny reaches for the book, but Baz takes it before she can, scanning over the words with his inquisitive grey eyes.

“Nice try, Snow, but no cigar,” he says smoothly, and I deflate like a forgotten balloon. “This spell is to make someone miss you. It has to do with your emotions. It’s not used for physically separating two items.”

I groan and slump forward, cheek squished on the oak table. At least the wood is cool. It feels nice on my tired skin. “Fucking great. Still nothing.”

“It’s one setback, Snow. don’t get so twisted up.”

“It’s not one,” I grumble, turning my head so I can glare at his calm face. “We’ve had lots of them. Nothing has worked or been good.”

He sighs, probably because he’s frustrated with me. “We’ll find something eventually.”

“For once, Baz is right,” Penny says. She puts a soft hand on my shoulder. “We’ll find something. Don’t give up yet.”

I make a noise of agreement, because honestly I’m too tired for words. But she’s right. We’ll find something. I just need to rest for a second. The damn floor is making me so goddamn tired that I’ve been nearly falling asleep in class for a week. I haven’t been able to get any work done either.

Oh fuck.

I bolt upright so quickly it makes both Baz and Penny jolt. “Test!” I say.

“What?” Penny asks with genuine confusion.

“Test, today, I-I didn’t- I need to but- Fuck, how do I-”

“Words, Snow,” Baz sighs.

I glare at him as hard as I can. “Is our poli sci test last period today!?”

“Yes, yes it is.”

“Fuck,” I hiss. I pull at my hair and weirdly it provides some feeling of comfort. Or maybe I just want to punish myself. “I’ve been so tired and we’ve been doing this all the time so I haven’t studied at all, I’m so fucked!”

Penny runs her hand down my arm.“I’m sure you’ll do fine, Si.”

I groan and hold my face. I know she’s trying to be nice and all, but it feels empty. We both know the height my intellectual capabilities, which probably sit somewhere down in the centre of the fucking Earth. As if my average needed to plummet even more.

Something loudly slaps on the table, making me yelp. The librarian makes a shush noise. I don’t know if she means me or the sound. Right in front of me is a black spiral bound notebook with “Political Science” written on the front in curly lettering. It’s Baz’s handwriting. I tilt my head up at Baz him, who’s looking at his giant volume with zero sign of emotion, as usual.

“What’s this?” I ask.

His eyes flick up while the rest of his face is still. “What’s it look like, Snow? It’s my political science notebook. I promise you my notes are very meticulous.” I’m still staring at him dumbly. He makes a small gesture with his long fingers. “Go on, Snow, at least you can do some last minute revision. Maybe that’ll help somewhat.”

He goes back to the spellbook with no other comment, still looking all neutral and shit. Like this isn’t the weirdest fucking thing to ever happen in my weird as fuck life. I turn to Penny, who is just as wide eyed. Well, it’s good I’m not the only one super fucking confused over this.

“But...why?!” I ask.

“You won’t be much use for spell research if you’re busy bemoaning doing poorly on a test. My frankly stupendous notes might at least put your mind at a bit of ease.”

I trace the leather cover (of course it’s leather) and it doesn’t kill me, so it’s not booby trapped at least. At least not on the cover. I could open it and a cloud of poison could puff out. “Seriously?”

“Yes,” he sighs with annoyance. “Unlike you, I do not stutter. Open the book and revise away.”

Even when he’s trying to be nice (possibly), he’s still a prick. It’s truly a skill, I guess. “Um, are you gonna want it back before lunch?”

He shakes his head, making more wavy black hair fall in his face. “No. I feel perfectly well prepared for the test. Please return it at the end of the day. I assume you’re not petty enough to destroy my political science notebook.”

I look at the notebook, then him, then the notebook, then at still confused Penny, then back at Baz. I move so fast my neck hurts. “Seriously?!”

“Yes,” Baz sighs again, sounding even more annoyed. “Use my bloody notes, Snow. Put your frantic little mind at ease.” He licks the tip of his thumb and flicks over to the next page. I swear he’s doing it for the dramatic effect.  “Maybe you’ll actually do well on a test for once. Merlin, that would be a miracle.”

I want to start shouting at him, but we’re in a library, and he just gave me my notes. It feels wrong to yell when he’s being nice, even if it’s in his own self centred prick way. Well, I guess I can yell some other time. For now, I open up his stupid black notebook.

His handwriting is all loopy and perfect, of course. At least it makes his notes easier to read. And I guess they’re kind of super organized, and well written, and super informative. Fuck, this might actually help me on the test. I know politeness rules say I’m supposed to thank Baz, but like hell I’ll ever do that. So I just keep my head down and revise.

———————————————

When I get back to my room, I’m so knackered I go past Baz without notice and flop down on my blanket nest.

“And a good evening to you too, Snow,” Baz says. It almost sounds teasing, in his weird deadpan way. I grunt in response. “How did the test go for you? You were still writing when I left.”

I lift my head up and look over my shoulder. Baz is sitting at his desk, back to me. I can’t see his face, so I can’t tell if he’s mocking me or not. “Are you seriously asking or taking the piss?”

He chuckles, and it doesn’t sound that sadistic for once. Weird. “You decide. Take a wild stab.”

Well, that’s cryptic as fuck. I still can’t see his face and therefore decide if I’m being mocked. Usually he’s mocking me. But, he gave me his notes. Maybe he wants to know if his “frankly stupendous notes” were effective. He would, the posh prick. I shouldn’t give him any satisfaction. But...he did give me his notes...

“It was alright,” I say. “Not great but not horrific either.”

“Did the notes help at all?”

Yeah, there it is. He wants to feel self important, the prick. “How much do you want me to stroke your ego?”

“The truth is adequate, Snow.” His voice is totally flat, not one hint of sadistic amusement. I don’t know how to interpret that. I’m used to knowing Baz so well, but recently he keeps surprising me. This truce is weird, but sorta nice, I guess. It’s better than him being an evil prick 24/7.

“They, uh, helped a bit,” I say with hesitant honesty. “I couldn’t hold onto all of it so quickly, duh. But some of it stuck, enough of it. Maybe I will pass.”

“Good. Glad they helped a little.”

His tone is so emotionless I can’t tell if he’s being serious or not. He might be making fun of me. But I don’t think I’m in immediate danger from him right now (for once), and I’m too tired to decipher him right now.

“Uh, yeah...” I get out of the blanket nest then grab my pajamas and bath towel. “I’m gonna, um, take a shower.”

Baz dismissively waves at me. “Have a wonderful trip.”

Okay, that was sarcastic as fuck. But...it’s kind of funny. I have to stifle my giggle and smile. I’m not fucking smiling because of Baz, never ever. Even if he’s funny. I go into the bathroom just to be sure he doesn’t hear or see any wayward positive response from me. He’s acting alright, but I’m still not sure why. Whether this is a plot or...just being nice because we’re on a truce. Can Baz be nice? Christ, this is so confusing.

———————————————

Baz

I wake up because of Simon’s panicked breathing again. I’ve gotten so attuned to them it seems my body won’t let me ignore him. As my eyes adjust to the darkness, I see him rolling him around, face all scrunched up in pain. I put my hands over my sensitive ears, trying to ignore him again. I always do, because I know he doesn’t want my help. But I can’t leave him like that. Just like I couldn’t leave him panicking about his test a few days ago. Stupid love, it makes me so damn stupid sometimes.

I reach down and shake him awake. It only takes a few placed shoves for his plain blue eyes fly open. My hand flies away immediately. Slowly, Simon focuses on me. His perfect pink lips fall open slightly, and I have to will my heartbeat to slow down.

“Baz?” he whispers, voice confused and soft. How I wish he always sounded so soft talking to me.

“Yes, who else?” I sigh, rolling over and away. “Go back to sleep, Snow.”

I do hope he listens to me for once, but alas, the Chosen One doesn’t listen to any of his bloody supporting characters. He tosses and turns, grunts and grumbles. Every one of his sounds is keeping me up. Eventually, I’ve had enough.

“Snow,” I hiss, “would you please keep it down?”

He grunts at me, like that’s a normal human response. “Can’t sleep.”

“You’ve fallen asleep before after I’ve woken you up, so do it again.”

“...don’t wanna.”

My eyes fly open. He sounds like a defiant child, which is normal, but there’s a weird edge to it. I roll over, but only get a view of Snow’s broad back, not his face. However, from the way he’s curled in on himself, I can tell it’s not good.

“You don’t want to?” I try to keep my voice as calm as possible, so he doesn’t yell at me for being a condescending prick. I want to make sure he’s okay without him thinking I want to make sure, like I tried to when he came back after the test. It’s so exhausting pretending I don’t adore him.

“Bad dreams,” he grumbles. And unfortunately that’s a sensical answer.

I lean up slightly, cheek cradled on my palm. “You’re scared of the big bad nightmares, Chosen One?”

Snow growls, muscles tensing up. “Fuck off, you don’t get it.”

I scoff, half annoyed and half insulted. “Where have you been for the past seven years, Snow? I have nightmares too. Have all my life, just like you.”

That makes him uncurl slightly. Maybe he’s feeling a bit guilty, and I’m not sure how much I want that. I don’t like him feeling bad, even though he was being a bit of a prat. “They’re probably not the same...”

“Try me.” The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. Fuck, that was dumb. Like he wants to talk to me about his nightmares. I expect him to ignore me at best and snap at me at worst. What I absolutely don’t expect, not in my wildest imagination, is for him to start actually speaking.

“Stuff burns most of the time,” he mumbles. “Sometimes it’s Watford, or the group home, or...everything. It’s all on fire. Because I went off and destroyed everything. Everything is gone and everyone is dead because of me. That’s what I dream about all the time, Baz. Happy?”

Not at all, I want to say. I don't wish to see him in pain, not ever. Unfortunately, it makes sense. Snow’s magic is a terrifying force of nature, like a hurricane. And hurricanes always destroy. But I wish he wouldn’t think like that. I want to reassure him, but I can’t let him know I care so much.

"Sounds bad," I say as nonchalantly as I can. "But it won't ever actually happen, y'know."

He whips around with a scowl, but I think I see a deep pain in his gaze. "How the fuck could you know that?! You're the one who's always calling me a useless mage who just blows up!"

I flinch slightly. He's right. I'm the last person who should be helping him. But who else is going to right now? It's just us. I have to, because I can’t leave him alone.

“I say that to get a rise out of you,” I sigh. “Yes, your magic can be uncontrollable sometimes, but we both know you’re too much of a golden hero to actually destroy everything. You hate harming innocents. I still remember the way you blubbered in the bathroom after killing that dragon in first year. You wouldn’t hurt anyone unless you had to and you would still hate yourself for it.”

(I almost say “and when you finally kill me, you’ll still feel terrible,” but that’s a very different conversation for another time.)

His pretty mouth drops further open for a moment, but before I can properly admire it, he gets all scrunched up in confusion. “But I could go off by accident...”

I sigh heavily. “Isn’t Bunce constantly glued to your side?” He nods slowly. “Exactly. She would calm you down before you would go Chernobyl on Watford, correct?”

Snow nods again, and he gets the parted lip shocked look again. “Uh, yeah, I guess you have a point.”

“Of course I do. You won’t destroy everything, Snow, it’s just stupid anxiety. Now,” I roll over, mostly so he can’t see the way my face might be heating up, “please go to sleep. And stop tossing and turning so much so I may sleep as well.”

He makes a weird grunt noise. After a bit of rustling, he goes still. Huh, for once he actually listened to me. That’s good. I know he would never do any of that, because he’s too selfless and clever. But he wouldn’t believe me if I said it. I wish he would. And I wish his dreams were happier.

———————————————

Penelope

When Simon sits beside me in the common room on Saturday, I immediately notice something’s different with him. Simon’s always energetic, sure, but he also tends to bags under his eyes, because of the nightmares keeping him up. (I wish I could take those away for him.) By the end of the day, he’s always looks one bad gust of wind away from toppling over. But today there’s not even a hint of dark circles there.

“Hi Pen,” he chirps, a big smile on his face.

“Hey Si,” I reply. “Just wondering, are you feeling okay?”

He frowns a bit in a confused way. “Yeah. Why do you ask?”

“You look better than usual. Sleeping better?”

“Actually yeah. Floor still sucks, but I’ve been having a few less nightmares. Baz wakes me up from them sometimes.”

My eyes bulge out. I feel like a bloody Looney Tunes character. “Baz wakes you up from nightmares?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Um...why?” I’m so beyond confused right now.

“He says I make too much noise when I thrash about and it wakes him up so he wants to get me to stop.” His eyes narrow, and he leans closer to whisper. “I think he’s trying to make me have worse nightmares, actually. But it’s not working, cause I don’t have any nightmares after I wake up once.”

Simon looks very pleased at this. I mean, he might have a point, but Basilton is unfortunately incredibly brilliant. If he wanted to give Simon worse nightmares there are so many effective ways to do it. And it seems like it’s not effective at all. So why the hell does Baz keep doing it?

“I’ve got three new books,” Baz announces as he swans in with absolutely zero warning. I knew he was coming today but he’s so silent. We need to put a damn bell on him. “Let’s see what they have.”

He sits across from us and shoves two large spellbooks at us. I easily take it, while Simon is a bit more cautious. At least I think he’s being cautious. But when I look to the side, he’s just pouting. Not even in angry way, just annoyed.

“What’s with the long face, Snow?” Baz asks.

“It’s nearly lunch,” Simon almost whines. “This is why I wanted to meet later. I wanna eat, not research.”

Baz sighs heavily. I expect him to tell Simon to grow up. But instead he takes a large glass container from his book bag. It’s filled with sandwhiches and a few scones. Simon’s eyes go wide. I swear his mouth is watering.

“There.” He shoves the container at Simon. “Have my lunch, since you can’t seem to think without stuffing food in your mouth.”

“Um, you sure you don’t want any?” Simon asks, though he’s already ripped the lid off and fishing out a roast beef sandwich.

Baz waves dismissively. “I’m fine. Eat away.”

Simon doesn’t need another word. He starts scarfing down the sandwich. I expect Baz to make some comment about him eating like a pig, but he just sighs and keeps reading. He keeps defying my expectations today. What is going on with him? Better question, what’s going on with Simon? Why is he so unsurprised?

After polishing off three sandwiches (why did Baz get so many?) and beginning on a scone, Simon starts his reading. He’s pretty damn focused, eyes narrowed and nodding thoughtfully. Usually he’s half falling asleep because he’s so tired and bored. I guess he really is sleeping better. And...it’s because of Baz? Really?

Simon finishes off all the food with a lick of his fingers. Baz very dramatically rolls his eyes at him. Okay, so he’s not that different than normal. Simon starts rummaging around in his blazer pocket, then slides a half eaten mint aero bar across the table. Baz’s eyes flick up to it with absolutely no change in his expression.

“Are you expecting me to throw out your garbage, Snow?” he asks flatly.

Simon rolls his eyes in an almost perfect imitation of me, or maybe of Baz. “No, arsehole. I ate all your lunch, so you can have the rest of my mint aero. And don’t say you don’t like them, cause I know you steal from my stash when I’m not around.”

Baz narrows his eyes until they’re grey slits. He’s going to call Simon a numpty and storm away from the table, I know it. But again he does exactly what I don’t assume. He snatches up the chocolate and puts in his own blazer. Simon smiles smugly as he goes back to his book. Baz glares at him one more time, then looks back at his own readings. Sure, they’re not friendly, but they’re not screaming or beating the shit out of each other. It’s so weird.

Maybe I need to start expecting the unexpected.

———————————————

Simon

I wake up in the middle of the night with a gasp, but for once it’s not from my nightmare or Baz shaking me. It’s from weird noises coming from the bed above me. Panting, groaning, maybe even whimpering. Wait...is that Baz?

I bolt upright. Baz is laying on his side in the middle of the bed, curled in on himself. His sharp face is lit up by pale moonlight. I can see all the muscles clench up. It’s the same expression I see when I punch Baz during a fight. He’s in pain. Oh shit, he’s having a really bad nightmare.

Without thinking, I grab his shoulder and shake him hard. Maybe a bit too hard, because Baz wakes up with a giant gasp and flails around like he’s been attacked. His hands land on my forearms, nails digging into my skin like bear claws, as if he’s trying to hang onto me. Baz looks at me with huge eyes and incredibly shaky breaths. If it were anyone else, I’d say he was scared.

“You...you okay?” I ask.

I watch his face change completely in an instant. All that fear flies away and is quickly replaced with his usual boredom. No sign of anything feeling, anything human.

“I’m fine, Snow,” he says. “Get off me.”

“Then let go,” I reply, looking at where he’s still hold on to me. And when I look up again, I swear there’s some embarrassed flushing on his face. Guess he snuck off to feed after I fell asleep again. His hands quickly off me like I’m a toxic swamp creature, then he rolls over, leaving me to stare at his back. I lean my cheek on my palm.

“You wanna talk about it?” Honestly, I’m legitimately curious what could make strong, cold Baz so terrified. And maybe a tiny part of me wants to help, like he helped me.

“No,” he snaps. Of course.  I blow air out my lips in annoyance. “Stop it with the horse impression, Snow, I’m trying to sleep.”

“I told you about my shit. Why can’t you tell me about yours too?”

He cranes his head over his shoulder, glare illuminated just enough for me to see it. “Why the fuck should I?”

“Dunno. Maybe I could help.”

“You?”

The way he says that hits me right in gut. It’s been awhile since I let Baz get to me, but he’s sorta been okay these last three weeks. Him being a bastard again feels like whiplash on a nice scenic drive. I humph and flop back down on my nest.

“Goodnight, Baz,” I snap. I squeeze my eyes shut, clutching a quilt around me. Fucking Baz. Of course he’s still a prick. He always will be.

“It’s about my mother,” Baz says, and my eyes fly open. “I usually see her dying in front of me, in many different ways. And no matter what, I can’t save her. Again.”

Holy shit. My heart is beating against my ribcage. I know I asked, but I cannot believe he’s actually saying something. Slowly, I turn on my side. Baz laying on his back, hands linked over his stomach, staring at the ceiling. He kind of looks like a vampire in his coffin. I bite my tongue before saying that.

“Oh,” I squeak. “That’s uh...that’s bad...”

Baz scoffs loudly. “No shit, Snow.”

“Yeah...sorry. And, I’m sorry about your mum. She died when you were really young, right?”

“Yes. I was five.”

I sit up, mouth falling open, while he doesn’t react at all. “You were only five? Shit Baz, I’m sorry.”

“I don’t need your pity, Snow,” he spits like venom.

“It’s not pity!” I kneel, arms folded on top of the bed. “I’m not pitying, Baz, I-I just mean that’s really horrible. I’m sorry you went through that.” Baz doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t yell at me either. That’s a victory, I guess. “You...you said you couldn’t save her again.”

“Yes. Good to know you’re not deaf.” It takes all my self control to not say something mean back. Because I want to help him, because he helped me.

“Do you, uh, mean like you can’t save her in every dream? Or like, you couldn’t save her when she actually died?”

Something odd about Baz is that his most important movements are the smallest. He’s so subtle in everything he does. A twitch can say so much. And I see the way his lips purse slightly and fingers curl up. I hope he’s thinking, not about to curse me in some horrific way.

“The Humdrum’s vampires,” he says slowly, measuring his words, “attacked the nursery, where I was. My mother came to save me. If she hadn’t, she would have lived. She died because of me. And I relive that horrible feeling almost every damn night. That’s what I mean.”

Never in my life did I ever think my heart would break for Baz fucking Pitch. But it really is right now. I live not knowing who my parents even were, but Baz lives thinking his mum died because of him. That has got to be horrible.

“I’m sorry, Baz.” He scowls again, probably about to cuss me out. “I mean, like that’s really bad. And if it makes you feel any better, I, uh, I don’t think it’s your fault your mum died.”

“Oh?” he says like he assumes what I’m going to say is stupid. I hope I don’t.

“Well, I mean, it’s not like you asked for the Humdrum to send vampires. No one could’ve predicted that. And Headmistress Grimm-Pitch was your mum, so of course she wanted to save her son. That’s not bad. And...you were only a kid, Baz. You couldn’t have cast a healing spell or something back then. It just, it wasn’t your fault. It sucks your dreams aren’t getting that...” I look down at the sheet, fiddling with my fingers. “I-I didn’t know your mum, Baz, but I don’t think she’d want you to feel bad about being, y’know, being alive and all...since she wanted you to live...”

I’m not sure I said the right thing. I didn’t say anything about him being a vampire at least, so hey, that’s a plus. But I’m still not sure. Cautiously, I lift my head. Baz isn’t moving at all. He’s a perfect statue frozen on the bed, like one of those medieval coffins. (Or maybe I’m just thinking of that one in Indiana Jones.) Fuck, maybe I said the wrong thing, I do that a lot. We stay in frozen silence for a long while, me kneeling, him being a medieval coffin statue.

I realise he’s not gonna talk anytime soon. So I slowly push off the bed and lower back into my blanket pile. Christ and Crowley, it’s uncomfortable down here.

“Y’know, sleeping here is like sleeping on fuzzy rocks,” I chuckle, trying to lighten the mood at least a bit. It feels like there’s a damn black cloud in here.

Baz lets out a long sigh, the first sound he’s made in what feels like forever. There’s a rustling, then he speaks. “Get the fuck up here, Snow.”

What the fuck? I sit up and peer over the side of the bed. He’s moved to the other side, what would be hid bed if they weren’t melded together. So there’s a big spot open for me. “What?”

“You heard me, Snow. You can sleep here.”

“Uh...this isn’t a plot to like...bite me or something, right?”

He scoffs and I’m pretty sure he’s rolling his eyes. “No, Snow. If I was a vampire, which I’m not, there are much easier ways to get your butter clogged blood. Now get up here, before I change my mind.”

I gape for another few seconds, then my brain comes back online. I slowly stand up, waiting for him to curse me or sink his fangs into my neck. But it doesn’t happen. I get on top of the blanket, since I never really sleep under them. It feels nice to be on a mattress after weeks on the floor. I feel exhaustion wash over me immediately. But before I drift off, I have to say something.

“Um, thank you, Baz,” I whisper. The words feel strange on my tongue, but not too bad.

“Go to sleep, Snow,” he replies. And I swear I hear a small “thank you” under his breath, but I’m so close to sleep I can’t tell. I drift off, and I feel alright.

———————————————

Baz

My dreams aren’t terrible for once.

It’s odd. I’m so used to feeling utter terror in every bone in my body. But this time, I simply feel warm, calm. I’m standing in an infinite field. There’s no sign of my dead mother telling me what a monster I am, no feeling of guilt that she’s dead or dying. I’m just, okay.

Something warm is on my hand. I look down, and there are tawny, freckled fingers weaved between mine. My eyes follow up a strong arm, to a broad shoulder, and finally land on a set of blue and a mess of bronze curls. He smiles at me, and it’s so bright, it’s like staring into the sun. And I simply smile back.

———————————————

I wake up slowly, with no gasp or sudden start. I suppose this is how normal people wake up in the mornings. All my muscles slowly come back to life, the sunlight dances on my eyelids, and there’s a smile on my face. What’s that weight on my side? As my eyes come back into focus, I see my arm is stretched out. And there’s something on top of it. Something with tawny skins and a constellation of freckles and moles.

All the breath leaves my lungs.

I stay very, very still. I cannot have him wake up when we’re like...this. Simon is completely curled around me. One leg between mine, his chest pressed to my back, arm draped over me, and hot breaths caressing my neck (mouth breather.) This is closest we’ve ever been in my entire life. Thank magic itself there’s still a blanket between us or I would probably fucking explode.

Simon hums in his sleep, the vibrations radiating down my spine. His arm gives me a light squeeze. I have to suppress a shudder. Though I can’t help but lightly squeeze his beautifully callused hand. I love the way his skin scratches on mine. Part of me knows I need to wake him up, that he’s going to hate this. But another, weaker part of me desperately doesn’t want to him to let go. I want to stay in his arms for eternity, bask in his heat, burn to death in his fire. Crowley, I just want so much, and it’s terrible. Because there is no way I can ever truly have this.

It’s easy to tell when Snow wakes up. Almost all his muscles are touching mine right now. They come awake along with the rest of him. I slam my eyes shut, pretending to be asleep even when I’ve never felt more awake and alive. I can feel the moment Snow notices. His entire body locks up like he’s been hit with a stun spell, which inadvertently pulls me closer. I’m allowed to revel in that for one second, maybe two, before he scrambles away from me, and I’m my cold self again.

He sits still on the bed for a solid minute, breathing heavily, probably beyond horrified he woke up spooning his worst enemy. I can’t blame him, even though I wish he wouldn’t. I wish he liked it as much as I did. The mattress dips as Simon gets off the bed. I listen to him fumble around, probably quickly throwing on his clothes. Once the door closes, I finally open my eyes. I reach back. The spot next to me is still warm. I roll over and press my nose into the sheets. Smoke and sugar, Simon Snow.

I am so fucked.

———————————————

Simon

I’m not sure where I’m going. I’m just...walking. Walking away from my thoughts, my fears, my weird as fuck feelings. I need to do that more than anything. Eventually, my feet start to hurt, and I have to stop. I duck into an alcove near the second floor showers. It’s too early for anyone to be up, so at least I can be alone right now. I sink down to the ground, sitting with my back to the wall. I chew on my shaky fingers and rock slightly back and forth.

What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck, what the actual fuck!? I swear to God that I was on the other side of the bed when I fell asleep. So how the hell did I end up draped all over Baz? Why didn’t I notice or move away? And...why didn’t I have nightmares?

I’m serious, I didn’t have a single one. I didn’t even see anything. I just felt warm and happy. It’s been years since any of my dreams have been anywhere close to that good. I can barely remember a time when I wasn’t plagued with fears. Was that really because I was sleeping next to Baz? Or more accurately on Baz?

But I hate him! He’s a snob, and a bully, and a fucking vampire! A dark creature that could snap my neck and drain my blood. Though, he hasn’t really been that bad these past few weeks. Sure, he’s still a prick, but he’s helped me out. I’ve helped him as well, I guess. And I’ve realised he’s not some unfeeling monster, he’s got fears and problems too. He hasn’t hurt or killed me, even though he’s had plenty of opportunities to. So I guess he’s really not that bad...

No, no. What the fuck is wrong with me? Baz is evil, second only to the Humdrum. We’re not mates or...cuddle buddies (those words make me cringe), we’re enemies. I need to get away from him, reset my brain, get back on track.

———————————————

Baz

I’m not sure what happened. Ever since the terrible, wonderful morning over a week ago, Snow has been ice cold to me. (No pun intended.) He’s not even antagonizing me like he used to, just giving me the silent treatment. I ask him a question, he shrugs. I make some joke that even Bunce finds amusing, he’s stoned face. I make snide remarks about his clothing or reading abilities, he says absolutely nothing. Somehow, this is even worse than when he hated me. At least then Snow was some part of my life. Now, I feel invisible to him. It stings in a very unique way. To have him so close, then pull so far away.

“I’m still for ‘parting the red sea,” I say.

Bunce shakes her head, almost dislodging her glasses. “That spell is way too powerful for a pair of beds.”

“Snow’s magic is unique. We might need something powerful.”

“Fine, if you want to try it. But I’m not going to be there when you split the entire tower in half.”

“Ye of little faith, Bunce.” I turn to Simon. He’s got his nose in a book, but he’s been on the same page for ten minutes, so I don’t think he’s actually reading. “What do you think, Snow? Is it time to resort to going biblical on our beds?”

He shrugs, no change in his face whatsoever. I have to stifle my disappointment, not show any of my pain. I clear my throat and look back down.

“Well, suppose we’ll leave that on the table,” I say, thankfully with no catch in my voice.

We spend another hour looking at books. Simon barely moves, barely does anything except exist. I wish if he was mad at me he would just say so. It would be better than this unending silence. Eventually, we head to the dining hall. Bunce and Snow go to their table, far away from me, and I sit with Dev and Niall.

“Good evening, gentlemen,” I say.

“Hello, stranger,” Dev says. “Where have you been?

Niall makes an odd huffing noise. “Yeah. You’ve barely been around lately.”

“Studying. Finals are coming up, and I need to beat Bunce for top of the class.”

“So you’re that stupid you need to study a ton?”

I glare at Niall, who has a giant shit eating grin. “I could turn you into a toad.”

“Would love to see that,” Dev snorts. “Say, the Chosen One isn’t glaring at you today. Has he finally given up on you?”

I glance at the table. Snow is saying something to Bunce, a small smile on his face. He’s laughing at something she’s saying. He looks at least a little happy. Well, seems he can warm, just not around me. It’s expected but still, it hurts.

“So it appears,” I say. “Maybe he’ll finally do something useful with his life.”

Dev and Niall chuckle, both returning to their food. I hope they don’t notice the forlorn look on my face. For a small shining moment, there was a chance Snow and I could at least be friends. But it seems to be truly hopeless after all.

———————————————

Simon

It’s all darkness. Just endless, merciless, black. I’m floating in it like a fish in water with no aim in sight.

“Hello?” I shout, and my voice echoes forever. No one answers. “Hello?! Is there anyone else here?”

“Everyone’s gone, Simon.” A disembodied voice says. It’s an odd mix of people I know. The Mage, Penny, Agatha, Baz, all my group home social workers, even The Humdrum. But when I look around, there’s still nobody there

“What do you mean gone?”

“You’re alone,” the mixed voice replies. “You have always been alone.”

I shake my head forcefully. “No no no, I can’t be! There are people, t-they care!”

“Do they?”

The world spins in front of me, and I honestly wonder if I took something. Suddenly, I’m six years old, sitting on my dirty bed at a group home. There’s no other kids around, all of them outside playing without me. Later I learned my magic repelled them, but back then I was sure they just hated me. Instead of playing, I’m looking up at a social worker. I don’t remember her name, but I remember her deep scowl.

“Why did you break the toy, Simon?!” she shouts.

I open my mouth to speak, but I can’t find the words. At this age, I could never find the words. I was always completely silent, like a sad little statue instead of a real kid.

“Answer me!” she screeches.

I try and try but I can’t. She makes a noise of frustration, and turns away with a wave of her hand. I curl up in a ball, sniffling pathetically. I rock back and forth on my bed. But then it vanishes under me.

I fall and fall, until my feet heavily hit the ground. I’m eleven, standing on the great lawn. A straw dummy sits a few feet away. It blazes bright with a huge fire. My wand is in my right hand, but my left is the one that’s smoking.

“Really, Simon?” the Mage says from behind me. “You cannot even do one simple fire spell properly? I’ve told you to study.”

“I-I’m sorry, sir,” I say, voice smaller than a mouse.

“Sorry counts for little, boy. You have to do better, especially since you’re my heir now. I won’t have you reflect badly on me.”

My head hangs low, a few tears falling down my face. “I’ll do better next time...”

“Doubtful. Come along, back to your room. We’ll try again later.”

I hear him turn, but when I turn to follow, everything ripples like a stone hitting the water . Now I’m eighteen, standing on the ramparts. Agatha is wearing her white nightgown, pale blonde hair blowing softly in the wind. Her arms around herself as she looks off into the distance.

“I can’t do this anymore, Simon,” she says. “I want to be someone’s right now, not their happily ever after.”

“Aggie, please.” My voice breaks with...I don’t know. Sadness? Desperation? Loneliness? I don’t want her to go. She’s my endgame. My happy ending. I can’t lose her.

“I’m sorry. Goodbye”

She turns and walks away. I chase after her. I try to touch her arm, but she turns into mist and blows away on.

The ramparts disappear under me and I fall into oblivion once again. Eventually, I land on something hard, sitting upright. I’m in the dining hall. Penny is across from me with a big smile on her face.

“Chicago was so pretty in the summer,” she says almost wistfully. “I can’t wait to go see Micah again.”

There’s a tug in my stomach. I’m happy for her, but...she’s going to America. It’s only for the summer now, but one day it’ll be forever. One day she’ll leave and I’ll stay here. I’ll be all alone.

“That’s great, Pen,” I reply, hiding the strain in my voice.

She smiles harder, and everything warps around her mouth. Then it’s not Penny I’m looking at, and it’s not her kind smile anymore. It’s Baz’s sadistic grin. His arms are crossed over his chest. There’s that smug glint in his eye. It’s been weeks since I’ve seen him this cruel. I forgot how horrible it was.

“Poor little Chosen One,” he drawls. “Everyone leaves you, don’t they? Maybe you’re just too pathetic for everyone to deal with. Me included.”

“Fuck you!” I scream.

“Very eloquent. I really do feel sorry for you.” He looks at his perfect hands with nonchalance, grin melting into a simple smug smirk. “That’s the only reason I helped you, really. Because you’re so useless you can’t fix your own terrible magic, and I like watching you suffer.”

Furious tears fall down my face. My hands are heating up, but I’m too angry to stop them. Baz just keeps smirking at me, unaffected by my pain.

“You’ll be alone when you die too,” a very familiar voice chirps. “Just you wait.”

I turn around. He’s bouncing the red ball up and down with his goofy yet terrifying grin. His face, my face, is totally uncaring. He doesn’t care about my anguish either. “You’ll burn yourself out trying to kill me, y’know.”

“No!” I sob. My skin is prickly with heat all over. I feel like a log at the bottom of a bonfire, simmering with embers.

“Saying things doesn’t make them less true.” The Humdrum bounces his ball and tilts his head to the side. “You’re alone. Just like me.”

I go from hot to burning. I’m on fire, but he doesn’t care. No one cares. I’m alone, just like he says. I fall to my knees, staring at my glowing hands, tears evaporating on impact. I feel the fire consume my body. And I let it, preparing to explode outward. That’s all I’m good for, blowing up. A sad, lonely bomb.

“Snow,” a distant voice calls, but I can barely hear over the roaring in my ears. “Snow! Simon, wake up.” It’s getting louder. What’s on my shoulder? “Simon, for the love of Crowley, please just wake up!” Something’s on both my arm. It feels like...hands. “Wake up!”

———————————————

Baz

Simon’s eyes fly open with a huge gasp. The sparking golden energy is still radiating off his body, but I keep gripping his arms. I’m not letting him go. Whatever kind of dream he was having it must’ve been particularly terrible. So he’s not going to be alone right now.

His breathing is shallow and strained. I watch as his eyes look down at his glowing skin, then widen with terror. He starts full on hyperventilating, body shaking like a leaf. It only makes the magic grow stronger, shining brighter than the midday sun as it crawls up his arms. No, no, you idiot, that’s the opposite of what you need to do right now! Crowley, I wish Bunce was here. Unfortunately, it’s just me. I’ll have to do my best.

I’m leaning over the edge of the bed. Snow is still laying down. I pull him up to his knees so we’re almost face to face.

“Snow, look up,” I hiss. His eyes still move frantically. Fucking hell. I grab his tear stained cheeks, forcing his head up. “Simon, look at me.”

Finally, he looks me in the eye. I’ve never seen him so afraid. Not in front of the chimera, not facing down a dragon, not when he’s fighting me. He looks closer to the frightened little eleven year old I met all those years ago. But I’m not going to treat him the same way I did back then.

“Simon,” I say firmly “we need to calm you down.”

“I-I...I can’t,” he chokes out, new tears falling down his face.

“Yes, you can. Look at me, and take deep breaths, okay?”

He shakes his head frantically. “I can’t, I can’t-”

“Stop it, Simon, and look at me.” I use one hand to move his to my chest and the other to hold his shoulder, gripping him tight. “Do as I do. Follow my movements. Understand?”

He still looks panicked but nods. “O-Okay.”

“Good. Now, breathe in,” I take a deep inhale, and he takes a more shallow one, “one, two, three. Now out,” I breathe out slowly, and he follows, “one, two, three. And again. In, one, two, three. Out, one, two, three. You try counting, okay?”

Snow presses a bit harder on my chest, free hand digging into my other arm. “I-In, one, two, t-three. Out, o-one, two, three.”

His breathing is getting more steady, and the glow is starting to dim slightly. I nod and hold his hand tighter. “Yes, good job, Simon. Keep going.”

He closes his eyes, and we keep breathing together. In, one, two, three. Out, one, two three. Over and over and over, until the room becomes dark again and there aren’t as many tears falling down Simon’s cheeks. He keeps his eyes shut, but not as tightly. His hands are still gripping my arm though. He won’t let up. And when I tentatively try to let go, his nails dig harder into my skin.

“Don’t let go,” he pleads. “Please. I-I don’t wanna start going off again.”

I nod slowly. “Okay. But we can’t sleep like this, Snow.”

We’re frozen for a moment. I wait for him to say or do something. Sure, I know what I want, but I highly doubt it’s what he wants too. Then to my utter shock, Snow pulls himself up by my arms and into the bed, throwing the blanket over himself. Even more shocking, he presses his body close to mine. His strong arms embrace me tightly, face pushed into my chest, eyes still closed. The warmth from his body makes me gasp. But I’m so completely stunned that I’m frozen in place.

“Is this okay?” Simon asks.

Crowley, I wish he could understand how okay this is. How I’d let him hold me for a hundred, even a thousand years. As long as he needs. But I settle with simply nodding.

“It’s okay with me,” I whisper. Cautiously, I place a hand on his side, and when he doesn’t shove me away, I touch his back. “Is this okay with you?” He nods slowly. “You’re...you’re not scared?” He’s always been scared of me, and he’s already had a horrific night. I don’t want him to be more afraid.

He shakes his head against my chest. “No, not scared anymore” He yawns and bunches my shirt in his hands for a second. “You make the nightmares go away.”

Before I have a chance to ask for an explanation for that sentiment, Snow is already fast asleep . His light snores brush against my chest like a summer breeze. My mind is racing with so many questions. But Simon is sleeping softly, right here in my arms, beautifully at peace after nearly going off from a nightmare. My questions can wait.

I lean my head down, nose pressing into his scalp. He smells like smoke and cinnamon rolls, something I would gladly eat. But I won’t hurt him, I never would. I just hold him, and drift off with his warmth surrounding my body and sweet scent in my nose.

———————————————

Simon

For the second time in over a week, I don’t have a nightmare. I dream of light and warmth again. But this time, the warmth starts to take form. It molds and twists into a tall silhouette with a lean frame. His hair becomes thick and wavy, smile small and reluctant, and eyes a deep sea grey. Looking at him makes me feel safe.

Baz.

———————————————

I wake up slowly. No gasping, no going off. It’s odd but...nice. As my eyes slowly open, my vision is filed with bright red. Something is wrapped around me, holding me close. Something that smells of cedar and bergamot. Wait...

Carefully, I push myself back slightly. I inhale sharply. Holy fuck. The red I saw was Baz’s silk pyjama shirt. His arms are around me, and mine are around him. I slept pressed against his chest. He slept with his face in my hair. We’re all tangled up together like the vines that cover the weeping tower. Bit by bit, the memories of last night start coming back to me. The nightmare, nearly going off, Baz calming me down, crawling up into the bed with him. Fucking hell, I held him, and he let me. In fact, he held me back. Baz has been nicer lately but this is on a whole different level.

I stare at Baz’s sleeping face. He looks so peaceful. Eyes closed, lips slightly parted, not a single sign of his usual tension or animosity. Is this how Baz is supposed to look? Without the evilness or perpetual look of boredom? Without all of his defenses up? I kind of like it better. I like him better.

Baz starts to stir, and I stay very, very still. I don’t want to scare him away. But when his vision focuses on me, he doesn’t seem scared. He’s more shocked than anything, and that shifts to completely awestruck, eyes getting bigger than dinner plates. It’s like he’s experiencing a bloody miracle. Huh. I never thought anyone, let alone Baz, would look at me like I’m a miracle.

“Hi,” I whisper.

“Um, hello,” he says. I can feel his arm slowly start to move off my side. “Sorry, I’ll go-”

“No, no.” I pull him back, pressing his hand against my back again. “Don’t go. Stay.”

He looks shocked again, thin lips slightly parted. I’m so close I can see a tiny bit of red spread across his face. “Okay...”

“What, you nervous?” I chuckle.

“No,” he says with a pout. “Just...confused. I always thought you were afraid of me.”

“I was, when I thought you were going drain me dry or turn me into a zombie. But the last few days have been properly educational, haven’t they?”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, seriously.” I bunch up his shirt. It’s soft in my hands. “I’ve learned a lot about you. Apparently it’s possible for you not to be a cold villain.”

He snorts. “Gee, thank you.”

I sigh and pull him even closer. I swear his blush is getting worse. “I mean, I’ve realised you’re not actually evil. Sure, you’re a snob and a bully.” He frowns, and it’s kind of adorable. “But you can be really nice in your own way. You can actually act like a real human being with feelings and shit. And I like you like that, Baz.”

His eyes are so wide, so full of wonder. “You...you like me?”

“When you’re not a total pompous git, yeah.” I look right in his grey eyes. “Do, uh, do you like me? Or is this all just a truce thing? I mean, I’d get it, I-”

“Simon,” he sighs, and moves his hand up to my cheek. Baz’s hand are cool, bordering on cold. But it feels comforting. I immediately relax. “Stop stuttering, you numpty. Yes, I like you. Crowley, you don’t even know how much I like you, how long I have.”

It’s my turn to be wide eyed and shocked. For a second I think he’s winding me up, but I don’t see any sign of his usual cruelty or boredom. He’s wide open, no defenses. It’s...incredible. “Really?”

“Yes.” He carefully tucks a strand hair behind my ear, like he’s waiting for me to stop him. But I don’t. Because it feels good. “Really.”

I’m pretty sure my face is bright scarlet. I’ve never felt so, cherished? Is that the right word? Does Baz cherish me? Baz’s eyes flick down to my mouth. It’s so fast I barely notice it, but I’m glad I do. He’s thinking about that, he has to be. And surprisingly, I think I’m thinking about that too.

“Simon,” Baz whispers.

And I kiss him.

———————————————

Baz

Mother of Merlin, he’s kissing me. Simon Snow is in my bed, in my arms, kissing me, his pathetic vampire roommate. His mouth is hot and kind of rough. It scratches as it presses against my own. But it still feels good. Anything he could do to me would feel good. He could stab me through the chest and set me on fire and it would be the greatest ecstasy. But he’s not doing any of that. He’s kissing me. And finally, I kiss him back.

Our lips slide together into a proper kiss. (At least what I assume one is.) Snow grips my shirt tightly, trying to pull me closer even though we’re already lined up head to toe. I move a hand up and around the nape of his neck, weaving my fingers in those bronze curls I’ve admired since we were twelve. They’re so soft. I clench my fist, and Simon groans into my mouth. Crowley, I always want to hear and feel that sound. I want to know every sound he makes when he kisses.

I don’t know how long we spend snogging in my bed. (Our bed?) Frankly, I don’t care at all. Time stretches into a meaningless void far beyond my concern. I try to match his movements at first, but quickly I realise I have absolutely no clue what the fuck I’m doing, so I let him take the lead. It’s a good decision. Simon starts doing something with his chin that makes all my thoughts disappear. And when he sucks on my bottom lip, I swear I’m falling through the mattress into the centre of the Earth.

But sadly we can’t stay here for eternity. Bit by bit, we slow down, and our mouths carefully separate. Our faces stay close. His eyes slowly blink open. They’re glazed over and half lidded. I swear I could get lost in that plain blue. Neither of us let go. Once the haze clears a bit from my mind, there’s one question I have.

“Why?” I whisper.

“You mean, why did I just kiss you?” he asks, equally hushed.

“Yes.”

He shrugs, though a shrug really does not seem sufficient right now. “I don’t know. Guess I wanted to.”

I raise an eyebrow. “Since when?”

He shrugs again, and I sigh and roll my eyes. Merlin, why must half of Simon’s sentences just be shrugs? His hand slowly moves down my shoulder and across my arm, leaving a trail of fiery sensation in his wake. My undead heart is so thumping wildly I’m worried my ribs will break.

“Did you want me to?” Snow looks genuinely worried he’s something wrong. Beautiful idiot, if only he knew just how right he was.

“Must you ask, Snow?” I say mockingly.

Snow’s face falls, getting even more anxious. He starts to pull away. His grip loosens on my shirt. Bollocks, this isn’t what I wanted. I squeeze the back of his neck, silently telling him he doesn’t have to move an inch.

“Yes,” I whisper. “I wanted you to. I’ve wanted you to for a long time.”

To my utter excitement, his sunshine smile comes back. It melts all the ice in my blood. “Really?”

“Yes, really, you absolutely gorgeous nightmare.”

He chuckles, forehead falling against mine. “That’s the funny thing,” he giggles quietly. “When I sleep next to you, I don’t have any nightmares. I...I don’t know why, but it’s happened twice now so, yeah, it’s gotta be a real thing.”

And I thought the kiss completely destroyed me. Now I’m pretty sure I’m in pieces on the floor. “What a coincidence, I don’t have any nightmares either.”

Simon lets out a breath, and I think he’s relieved. “You know, I think I like this. I like this better than fighting.”

“Me too,” I say past the lump in my throat, because I also know reality. “But there’s the Mage and my family and-”

I’m suddenly silenced by Simon’s mouth pushing against mine. I gasp, overwhelmed by the sensations. But before I know he’s pulling away again, far away enough to look me in the face. “Let’s not think about all that right now.”

I scoff. “Not think about our lives? That’s your solution?”

“Yeah, at least for now.” He smiles, small and kind, with big round hopeful eyes. “Just want it to be nothing but you and me for a bit, yeah?”

Merlin and Morgana, he’s so infuriatingly sweet. I want us too, despite I know we can’t really have it. But...maybe for now, we can pretend. “Okay.”

The word is barely out of my mouth before Simon is kissing me again, and I am absolutely sure I’ve gone to heaven. He pushes hard, and I push back. I’m still new to kissing, but I’m top of my class for a reason. I quickly figure out how to move my lips, how to use my tongue, and even that Simon groans when I pull on his hair slightly That’s the greatest thing I’ve never known.

It seems we’re both psychic, because we have the exact same thought at the same time. He rolls over as I tug on his shirt. Simon holds himself up on all fours above me, still snogging the semi life out of my undead body. Every once in awhile, he makes me reach up for his mouth. And I do. I would again. I’d cross every line for him.

I’m in love with him.

And he likes this better than fighting.

———————————————

Simon

Penny thinks I solve everything with my sword. But it seems I can solve stuff with my mouth too. I don’t know how long Baz and I spend kissing. Could be minutes, hours, days. All I know is that it feels really fucking good. It’s all so weird. I like Baz, in a way that involves nice words and snogging. And he likes me in the exact same way. And somehow I feel better than I have in years.

As I’m running my fingers through his hair (it’s just as soft as I thought), I start to wonder if this, snogging Baz, means I’m gay. I don’t know. All I know is that I like the way he sighs against my my mouth. I focus on that instead of everything else.

Baz is just scratching his nails across my scalp in this dastardly perfect way when the door swings open with a loud crash.

“Boys!” Penny yells. “I’ve been up all night, and I think I found-”

Baz shoves me off him very quickly. I yelp as I hit the mattress so hard I bounce. Penny is standing no more than five feet away from us, giant spellbook in hand, eyes wide behind her glasses. I briefly consider making some kind of excuse, but there’s no use. Both Baz and I probably look well snogged. And she just walked in on me hovering right over him in bed. There’s no stuttering my way out of this.

“Hi, Pen,” I say weakly. “What, uh, what spell did you find?”

She gives me a “really?” expression over her glasses. “Are we just going to ignore this, Simon?”

I glance at Baz, who is looking down and blushing very hard. I didn’t know his pale face could be so red.

“Um...” I’m at more of a loss for words than usual.

“I need to shower,” Baz says quickly. He throws off the covers, grabs his toiletries and clothes, and moves so fast to the bathroom I swear he teleports. I’m left alone with Penny, who still looks very confused and inquisitive at the same time. I’m still trying to smile, but she doesn’t look convinced at all.

“Now are we gonna talk about it?” she asks.

I open my mouth, but no words come out at all. I have no words because I don’t know how to explain this. Thankfully, my stomach growls very loudly. I jump out of bed towards my dresser.

“I need breakfast!” I say a bit too loudly. “Let’s uh, talk over breakfast. I really want scones.”

Penny looks annoyed for a second, but sighs and shakes her head. “Fine.”

She turns around so I can get dressed. I throw on my shirt and trousers haphazardly. (Weekend meals don’t require full uniforms, thankfully.) The second I’m dressed, I start speed walking out the door. Penny follows, book tucked under her arm. I really am hungry, but I also need to get away from the room right now. I need to not think about Baz in the shower right now. After this morning, I can’t think about him looking...like that.

“We’re actually gonna talk,” Penny says, “right, Si?”

I nod slowly. “Yeah, Pen, yeah we will.”

Baz

I lean against the door, hand over my still rapid heartbeat. Not sure if that’s from Bunce catching us or Snow’s snogging. Snow’s rough, warm lips, tearing me apart in the best way possible...

I shake the thoughts from my head. Crowley, I need the world’s coldest shower.

———————————————

Penelope

They’re a few feet apart. Simon is sitting on his desk, and Baz is leaning against his own. It’s usual they stay far away, but it’s extremely deliberate right now. I don’t know why they feel the need. I know everything. Simon explained it all at breakfast. Though he did say it in a hushed tone in the far corner of the room. I guess he was nervous about the Mage or the Old Families catching wind that their two heirs were snogging. Can’t blame him. But we’re in their own room now. So why both Simon and Baz are looking at the floor like embarrassed school boys is beyond me.

“Oh, would you idiots stop it?” I sigh. “There’s no need to at all distant and shit, I already know you’re are snogging.”

“Only because you barged in,” Baz grumbles.

I roll my eyes as dramatically as possible. “Yeah, sorry for bringing you the solution to your bed problem. Though now I’m wonder if it’s a problem at all for you boys.”

They both blush even more furiously. Crowley, they are such disasters. I never expected these two to resolve their rivalry this way, but it kind of makes sense in a weir way. Simon has always been obsessed Baz. At least he’s channeling all that energy into something more positive now, I guess. I’m not sure how it’s going to work though. But that’s up to them to figure out.

I open the book to my marked page, and look over my shoulder. “You sure you want me to separate the beds?”

“Yes,” they both say immediately.

"Mage might barge in sometime," Simon mumbles.

"The Families have ears everywhere," Baz says, drumming his fingers on his arm, "can't risk them catching wind either."

Both their eyes flick up and meet across the room. Simon smiles soft, just tugging at the corner of his lips. And surprisingly, Baz smiles back in the exact same way, if only for a moment. Huh. Weird, but kind of sweet.

I turn back to bed, point my ring out, then speak the spell. “Parting of the ways!”

I put as much magic behind the words as I can. They vibrate through the air and hit the bed. For a second, nothing happens, and I’m worried it's not going to work. But slowly the bed starts to glow deep purple. A violet line of light goes right down the middle. They separate like someone tearing apart a wad of gum, big gooey strands slowly stretching. It’s fucking strange, and kind of cool. They warp and shift in they’re rubbery, gummy way. We watch the beds move to each side of the room. The second their in their proper place, the gooey strands snap and shoot back into the bed with a very odd “boing.” The beds wobble like gelatin for a second, then settle down. It’s completely silent for a few long seconds.

“Well,” Baz finally says, “that was interesting.”

“No shit,” Simon chuckles.

I just sigh with relief. Finally, this is all done. I can get back to studying (and beating Baz for top of the class). I turn back to the two idiots, and bloody hell, they’re fucking gazing at each other like star crossed lovers. Both their eyes are round and sad. Well, my work is done, but they’ve still have a lot to sort through.

“I’m going to do my revision,” I proclaim. “You coming down later, Si?”

Simon finally snaps out of his sad lovesick trance. “Oh, uh, yeah Pen, see ya.”

I give him one last hug before I go, giving him a squeeze of reassurance. “Bye, Si.”

He squeezes me back, thankfully. I hope he’ll be alright. We slowly separate, and Simon flashes his bright grin before he fully lets go. I know I have to go, and I do walk out the door, but part of me wants to stay. Baz better not break his heart, or I’ll bloody well break him.

———————————————

Simon

Baz and I stare at each other for awhile. Unmoving, unsure, both obviously feeling awkward as all fuck. I honestly don’t know what to do. There are so many things I want to say but the words get all tangled up in my brain. What do you say to the bloke you’ve hated for years then snogged this morning after cuddling the night before? Well, I want to say, “let’s not think about this and snog again.” But from the pensive look on Baz’s face, I think he wants to do something more talk-y than that.

“Let’s sit down,” Baz says, immediately striding over to his bed.

“O-Okay.” I scramble to follow him. We sit down on the mattress together. Baz is all straight backed and proper looking, wearing his shirt and pressed trousers with his hair slicked back. I remember how he looked this morning, messy and open. I liked the way his hair fell in front of his face in a lazy wave. I want to see that again. So badly.

“So,” he starts, weaving his fingers together on his lap, “how shall we proceed?”

I blow air out my lips. Fucking hell, is he really gonna be like that? “Seriously, Baz?”

“Seriously what?”

“Are you actually gonna act that posh and shit after everything?”

“I don’t see why not.” He crosses his arms over his chest with a little frown. His frown really is adorable. Why have I never noticed that before?

“Because now there’s, well, this.” I wildly gesture between us, because that’s honestly all I can think to do.

His eyes narrow slightly. “What’s this, Snow?”

“This!” I gesture even more wildly, probably a little bit insane. “This between us. And I like this, I like you. Don’t pretend like nothing happened and make me think I’m crazy, because we both did and said shit.”

I watch all the muscles in his body sort of shift around, but he doesn’t move anywhere. It’s like he can’t decide if he wants to get closer or further away. I wish it was closer.

“I know we...proclaimed things,” Baz says very carefully, “but there’s still realities we must deal with. We’re on opposing sides of on an oncoming war. We’ve tried to kill each other more times than I can count. This truce doesn’t change the fact that we hate each other.”

“But I don’t hate you.” I move a bit closer, and thankfully, he doesn’t move away. “At least, I don’t anymore. And...you don’t hate me either, right?”

His bored expression finally cracks slightly. Just a downturn of his lips and minute widening of his eyes. He looks down at the floor, fiddling with his long fingers. “No,” he whispers. “No, I don’t. I haven’t for a long time.”

That makes something warm pool in my stomach. “Exactly. So why do we have to keep pretending we do?”

“Because we’re supposed to, Snow.”

“Fuck supposed to!” I put a hand on his knee. He looks surprised but doesn’t flinch. “Look, I know you think we’re doomed, Romeo and Juliet style.”

“Completely,” he says to the floor.

“And if past experience is any clue, I’m not that great at being a boyfriend.”

He scoffs. His cheeks are only a little red. Guess he’s low on blood. “Duly noted.”

“But,” I put both hands on his knees, “I still want to make this work. Because doing this, being nice to each other and helping and...the kissing, has been good. I’ve liked it better. So why not give it a shot?”

“And The Old Families? The Mage? What of them?”

I nervously rub the back of my neck. “Well, uh, I was thinking if we stopped the Humdrum, maybe everyone would see we can work together.”

He rolls his eyes very sarcastically. “And the whole world of mages will hold hands and sing a song about cooperation.”

I chuckle and shrug. “Yeah, maybe something like that.” I put my hand over his. It’s soft and smooth, it feels good. “At least we can try, right?”

Baz’s thin lips purse in thought. I wish the brilliant moron would just not overthink for a second. “There’s so much we have to figure out.”

“We can do it. I’m strong, you’re smart, we can make it work.”

“There’s so much in our way.” His arms lower into his lap.

“I like a challenge.” I properly grab his hand, and he holds it back.

“There’s so much you don’t know, Snow...”

He looks ready for a blow, like something is going to smash him in the face. I shift so we’re pressed against each other. “Well, what I do know, Baz, is that you helped me find a spell, talked me through the nightmares, calmed me down from going off, and make my bad dreams go away. That’s pretty damn good.”

I don’t think I’ve ever been so articulate in my life. It’s because I’ve never been so sure of something in my life. Baz doesn’t look as sure, but I think he wants this too.

“Do you honestly think there’s a chance?” he says quietly. He sounds so vulnerable, nothing like the arsehole I thought he was.

“I don’t know,” I say honestly. I move so our faces are close together. “But I wanna try. Do you?”

We’re so close. Not as close as this morning, but it still feels good. My nerves feel on fire in the best way. It’s not like going off, when I’m out of control and terrified. It feels more like just being excited and alive. Usually I’m nervous too, but not right now. I’ve never been so sure of something in my life.

Baz reaches forward. His hand hovers in the space between us. Like he’s waiting for me to push him away. I’m not going to. I don’t want to ever again. “Simon,” he sighs, “if we’re going to do this, you have to know, I’m...” he gulps audibly, “I’m a v-”

“Vampire,” I finish for him. “Yeah, I know. I’ve known for years, remember?”

He pulls back, looking very worried. “And, you’re seriously okay with that?”

I shrug. “Well, it’s weird, but I was only scared that you were gonna hurt me. If the past few weeks are any clue, I don’t think you’re gonna. You don’t hurt people, right?”

“Never,” he practically spits. “I’m not a murderer.”

“Yeah, exactly. Pretty sure only rats have anything to fear you.”

“And...you don’t think I’m...dead or something?”

I shake my head. “Nah. You’d be pretty lively for a corpse.” He chuckles quietly, shaking his head. I play with a piece of his hair that’s fallen out of place. “That doesn’t change how I feel and what I think. I still want this. I want to be your boyfriend. Your terrible boyfriend. As long as you do too.”

Baz looks at me with a soft smile. I like when he’s soft. He looks better. “You’re an idiot,” he sighs. I frown in confusion. “But you can certainly have...this if you want.”

I do.

I grab his face and kiss him. I want to kiss him so bad. Baz inhales sharply through his nose and puts his hands on my chest. For a second I’m worried he’s going to push me off. But instead he grips it tight, pulling me closer. I happily wrap my arms around his neck. Our lips move almost perfectly in sync. I feel like I’m burning in the best way. I never want to leave this room, this bed, Baz’s arms, any of it. The rest of the magical world can fuck off right now.

We eventually fall down on my bed, still kissing, laying on our sides. When we pull apart, our noses still brush together. We’re both grinning like idiots. I couldn’t be happier.

———————————————

Baz

I swear to Crowley these past 24 hours have given me whiplash. First Snow sleeps in arms, then he kisses me, then he asks to be my boyfriend. He cares for me, and he doesn’t mind that I’m a vampire. Simon Snow isn’t afraid of me anymore.

I’m living a charmed life.

I’m laying in bed, pretending to read, when Snow comes out of the shower. He’s wearing his trackie bottoms, no shirt, and drying his hair. I try not to watch the drops of water falling down his chest too closely. We may be...boyfriends now (that word still feels so amazing and odd to me) but I don’t know what he’s comfortable with yet. His damp curls fall adorably in his smiling face. My cheeks heat up. Dammit. I went to feed while he was in the shower, and now I’m paying the price. Snow grins back at me. Well, maybe it isn’t so bad.

“You already fed?” he asks while putting away his clothes and towel. It’s so weird to be asking about it so casually. My biggest secret, just a part of small talk.

I clear my throat and look back down. “Yes,” I reply.

“Good, good. What’cha reading?

“Homework.” I don’t mention it’s homework for next term. No need to rub it in his face anymore.

He flops down heavily on his bed. “Interesting?”

“Yes. Not sure you would like it though.”

“Probably not.” He stretches and arches his back like a comfortable cat. I try not to ogle his muscles too much. “I like fairytales and stuff.”

“Hm, my family library has an original Brothers Grimm fairytale collection.”

He gasps and sits upright. “Seriously?!”

“Yeah. They’re distant relatives on my father’s German side. I’ve read it a few times. It’s quite an impressive volume.”

“Cool! Maybe you can show it to me sometime.”

I lower my book into my lap. I won’t lie, the idea of Simon coming to my home, seeing the library, meeting my little siblings, maybe even staying in my room, is exhilarating. Though I know it’s impossible. I look to the side. Simon is grinning ear to ear. He’s so positive, even after everything he’s lived and still suffers through today. It’s incredible. He’s incredible. And his smile is infectious, so I smile too.

Snow lets out a big yawn and falls back onto the bed. “Ugh, I’m tired. Think these last few weeks of worrying have taken a lot out of me.”

“I’m the same,” I sigh, putting my book on the bedside table. “Though you also did study with Bunce all afternoon. How was that?”

“Alright. I’m really behind for finals, what with all the research. Sorry I had to leave after lunch.”

“It’s fine, Snow. We don’t have to be joined at the hip.” In reality, it was probably a good thing he left for the afternoon. I needed to lay down and collect myself for a good few hours. Part of my brain is still exploding. And it explodes even more when Snow reaches across the gap in our beds, hand lightly touching mine.

“You called me Simon before,” he giggles. My immediate instinct is to refuse, be mean, call him a moron. But...I don’t have to pretend anymore do I? I flip my hand and weave our fingers together. His heat shoots up my nerves.

“We don’t have to be joined at the hip, Simon,” I say with a small smile, hoping he can tell I’m joking. From his grin, I think he does. I squeeze his hand lightly. “We should go to bed. We actually have school tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” he sighs, “stupid school.” I expect him just to let go. But instead, he rolls on his side, brings our hands between us, and kisses the back of mine. Now my entire body feels like it’s on fire in the best way possible. “Goodnight, Baz.”

I smile wider and sigh. “Goodnight, Simon.”

We gaze at each other like lovesick idiots for another few seconds. Then I magic the lights off and we both roll over. I pull my blankets up, and try not to compare their inadequate warmth to Simon’s. I remember his arms around me, and mine around his. How can I miss something so badly I’ve only had once? Though it was so incredible that one time. I want to feel his warmth again. I want him to make my nightmares melt away.

“Hey, Baz?” Simon whispers. “You still awake?”

“Yes,” I sigh. “It’s only been a minute.”

“Oh right. Um, I know this is weird, and the other times were an accident and helping me with the nightmare. And I’m not having a nightmare yet, of course. And I know the beds aren’t very big apart. But um, maybe I could- Or you could- Or we could figure something-”

“Simon.” He stops stuttering, thankfully. I pull my blankets and shuffle closer to the wall, leaving a space open for him. Maybe not a lot, but it’s enough. “Just get over here.”

I don’t I’ve ever heard him move so fast before. He scrambles out of bed and practically throws himself on mine. I even bounce off the mattress slightly.

“Sorry,” he whispers as he snuggles closer. “Night.”

He throws an arm over my side, pressing his hand to my chest. I put my hand on his. Simon’s breaths even out against my neck. Once again, he’s a long line of heat around me. I feel warm, safe, happy. All thoughts of magic and wars fall away from my mind. None of that matters, not while he’s holding me.

“Goodnight,” I whisper.

I close my eyes, sinking into the feeling of Simon Snow holding me close. I don’t think I’m going to have any nightmares tonight. Or anytime soon.

———————————————

AN: I don't do a lot of canon divergence, so this was fun. Sorry if it felt too meandering. I did my best to fix that but there was only so much I could do. Idk. I still liked it. Hope you peeps did too :)

I'm slowly working my way through the requests, but I'm starting my new job next week so it may be a bit of a wait for the next one. See y'all again hopefully soon :D

[nadziejastar]

Xemnas: Tron is a digital entity, so why would he be any different? He obeys the rules of this world. Sora--what about you?

Sora: Me?

Xemnas: Your heart, memories, your data, and your dreams. The bits and bytes that have made up your life so far--can you say for sure they are not just copies of someone else's?

Sora: Yes! My memories and feelings belong to me.

Xemnas: You had better check.

Haha, yeah I’d love it if it was retconned to just be a false memory, though I agree it is unlikely. It honestly sounds more plausible too, ya know? It could have been a memory planted using the Datascape. Or it could even have been something poor Isa’s tormented mind concocted in order to block out his trauma.

It’s kind of funny that the song playing in the background of the Subject X scene is “Eternal Moments”. That was basically Lea and Isa’s theme in BBS. It played during the scene where they met Ven. Lea told Ven they were friends and to get it memorized. Lea said he wanted to live forever in people’s memories, and Isa said he’d never forget Lea. Lea met Ven one time, but he still remembered him 10 years later. But with Subject X they aren’t even sure if their memories of their “friend” are even real. Yeah, such a close friend...

Xemnas: Make certain the box's contents match what's on the label...since you have been chosen.

Sora: Chosen for what

Yong Xehanort: You think this is the realm of dreams, but there, you are mistaken. Data does not dream, cannot dream. This world is real. You haven't the slightest idea where you are--that you have already wandered off the path.

I still think Subject X was just a tweaked version of Isa’s backstory. After Saïx said he might have just imagined Subject X he didn’t sound that concerned about it or the fact that he probably wasted his life following Xehanort for nothing. He just said he “awakened to a new purpose”. Oh well, I’ll just focus on becoming stronger, lol. Whatever. We all know people don’t just randomly “awaken to a new purpose”. Xehanort assigns them their purpose.

Who knows. Maybe the “imaginary” person was supposed to be Lea originally. If Isa was Subject X, his memory would have been extremely fragmented. Maybe Xehanort was able to convince him that Lea never existed. He was just someone Isa imagined. Or his memory of Lea was just created in the Datascape or something. Roxas’s final straw was finding out that his best friends never existed---they were just data. Maybe that was the final straw to break Isa mentally. That’s when he “awakened to a new purpose”. In other words, Isa went to the Realm of Seep, then Saïx (Xehanort’s heart and mind) took over. 

Had she been moved? Had we simply imagined her? Lea and I knew there was only one way to be certain. And so we stand before the castle gates today, not as trespassing children but in order to become Ansem the Wise’s newest apprentices.

I dunno. But I just cannot get over the fact that even in canon, Saïx/Isa thought that he imagined this girl. And it was not mentioned once, but TWICE! He thought he might have been imagining her even when they were kids, LOL! Honestly, I almost thought this girl was purposely written to seem retconned and shoehorned in at that point. It was one of the worst exposition dumps I’ve ever seen. EVER. Hey remember that girl we were reaaaally close friends with, but never mentioned until JUST now? The one we joined the bad guys for? Are you sure she really existed, bro?

I was so baffled that the game was telling me in one breath that this girl was sooo important to Isa that he sacrificed everything for her. Yet in the next breath…he wasn’t sure if she even existed. I mean, what the hell!? How are those two things compatible? That makes him seem very…mentally unwell. He was voluntarily doing icky jobs for Xemnas—so many that even Mr. Dirty Work Assassin Axel couldn’t keep up (yikes). He became Xemnas’s right-hand man! He sold his soul! All for someone who…might have been a figment of his imagination. It still makes it sound like he was mind-controlled. Nobody in their right mind would act that way.

When Roxas was having his “7 Days” experience, he saw a lot of things that nobody else could. He saw Naminé, for instance. He fell off the clock tower, but then later thought he must have imagined it. Roxas’s “hallucinations” were never treated as something casual like with Isa/Saïx and Subject X. His friends became very worried about him. It was a pretty big plot point.

There actually might have been a connection to Naminé. Subject X is mentioned while Ansem is brought to the Haunted Mansion and looked at the window that Roxas saw Naminé in. I’m sure Roxas had doubts whether Naminé was real or if he just imagined her. If Isa was being experimented on, drugged and/or tortured, he’d be in a similar mental state to Roxas. 

I dunno. I just don’t think it makes very much sense that BOTH Lea and Isa repeatedly spoke to some imprisoned girl, they both decided to free her, risked their lives becoming apprentices for her, gave up their morals for her, then they BOTH thought they imagined her later. If Isa thought he imagined her, speaking to Lea (who also spoke to her) should dispel those doubts. But when Saïx said that he thought he might have imagined her, Lea didn’t exactly refute him.

When I first played KH3, I just could not fathom how something that stupid became canon. I think it must have had some basis in the original story. Because there was no reason to include a detail like that. None whatsoever. Unless it was to explain why no one ever bothered to mention her before, lol. That’s honestly what I thought at first. But I think it had to be more than just that.

Let’s ignore the fact that Isa gave up his life for this girl. Even if it was dark, it’s still very abnormal to have an interaction with someone and then later question if it was real. You’d usually have to be on drugs to have an experience like that. Like LSD or DMT or something. And LSD is a hallucinogen that was frequently used in real life mind control experiments.

Or you’d have to be very mentally and emotionally stressed out to the point where you lose touch with reality. That’s what happened to Roxas when he was looking for Xion. Plus, he was already affected by Sora, so he was dreaming and seeing visions a lot. It makes a lot more sense for Roxas to imagine seeing Xion because he already was close to her. Lea and Isa had no reason to imagine a total stranger. That’s just bizarre.

Roxas sat down next to him like usual, and opened his mouth. “Today… I went to the beach on a mission.” He took a bite of his ice cream. “I think I saw a girl who looked a lot like Xion…”

Axel stared at Roxas. Roxas’ eyes were a little glazed.

“But, maybe it was my imagination… I don’t really know. To be honest, I'm not even sure today's mission really happened.”  Roxas bit his ice cream again. “I feel like I just woke up from a dream or something.”

It looks like Xion’s disappearance has had a deep effect on Roxas.

Roxas kept speaking, without looking at Axel. “This is gonna sound crazy, but you know how we promised each other we’d all go to the beach?“

“Yeah.”

I couldn’t help but notice Axel’s reaction on Day 276. Roxas said he thought he might have imagined seeing Xion because he wanted to see her so badly. In the novel, it made it seem even more like Axel could personally relate to how Roxas felt. It seemed like Axel knew what it was like to lose touch with reality just because you wanted to see someone really badly.

“Well, I think I only saw her there because I wanted her to be there.”

Roxas looked unwaveringly toward the sinking sun.

I should—resign myself, shouldn’t I… Definitely.

Axel stood up leisurely, and stretched wide. Then he said, “…Shall we go look for her?”

“Huh?”

After Roxas said that, Axel looked away with a deeply troubled look on his face. It definitely looked like he was remembering going through something similar to what Roxas was going through. He was thinking that it was probably a bad idea to suggest looking for Xion. But I think he knew exactly what Roxas was feeling, so he suggested it anyway.

Roxas finally looked at Axel.  Axel smiled at him.

“Tomorrow, after our missions, let’s look for Xion before we come here.”

“Mm… yes, let’s do that!” Roxas nodded, and stood up like Axel. Then he smiled.

I wonder when the day will come that the three of is will go to the beach… Axel thought suddenly, seeing that smile, and to deny the next thought that floated up, he stared at the sun.

He knew that they were never gonna get to go to the beach. But he hid that from Roxas. Destiny Islands was where Roxas and Xion remembered the sound of the waves. It was special to them. And the equivalent for Lea seemed to be the image of a sunset and eating ice cream.

“We’ve gotta make it to the beach next year,” Olette murmured, watching the sunset.

Hayner leaned forward. “Yeah. Better get jobs the second vacation starts.”

Next year… Right. Next year there would be another summer vacation. This one was almost over, but they’d have next year to try again. Letting his mind wander, Roxas found that the perfectly obvious fact cheered him up.

Roxas saw the ghost train that nobody else did on Sunset Hill. Roxas was able to see it because he missed the trip to the beach, and DiZ knew he really wanted to see it. And Roxas said he imagined that he saw Xion because he wanted to see her. They promised to go to the beach together. I wonder if there was a connection to Axel knowing they’d never get to go to the beach that day, and saying he really wanted to see someone on Sunset Hill, where the ghost train appeared. In the novel this scene where Naminé goes with Axel actually took place on...the beach. 

Axel still hadn’t reported that Xion was with Riku, even to Saïx. As to why, he was asking himself the same question.

That’s why I could suggest to Roxas that we look for her, though. That’s resolution, and resignation, and then what? Friendship? Axel’s mouth twisted, remembering that word.

I’m still unsure somehow. I’m worrying over what is the best thing to do. Will I find the answer someday?

There had to be some backstory to how Lea could use dark corridors, even as a a human. I definitely think Axel had been in Roxas’s shoes before, searching desperately for a friend, which is why he went to search for Xion with him. I definitely don’t think he was that obsessed with finding a random girl he wasn’t sure existed. It had to be somebody else. After the test subjects were released, maybe Lea was so depressed that Isa was missing, he had weird dreams or hallucinations. He wanted to see Isa so badly it led him to open a dark corridor to Twilight Town. 

Donald: Uncle Scrooge!?

Sora: Er, who?

Goofy: He’s Donald’s uncle—a business typhoon! Before the Heartless showed up, he traveled the worlds on a Gummi Ship with the King. He was helpin’ to set up a traffic system.

Donald: A transit system!

I think Isa was Subject X and was probably taken to Twilight Town after Ansem discovered the experiments. Perhaps King Mickey was the one who suggested that Isa would be safe in Twilight Town. The King probably was aware of its existence. After all, he and Scrooge must have went there, since sea-salt ice cream is sold there. It must have been a part of his business transit system. So, it’s very possible we would have gotten backstory of how sea-salt ice cream existed in Twilight Town, like it does in Radiant Garden. And the ice cream may have been another reason Twilight Town was special to Axel.

Riku: Let’s go.

Axel: Go where? It’s not like we have homes to return to. We don’t exist, remember?

Naminé: Yes, it’s true. We may not have homes. But there is someplace I want to go… And someone I want to see…

Axel: Same here.

In the manga, Axel was even trying to teach Naminé how to use the corridors of darkness while they were talking on Sunset Hill, right before they had the conversation about wanting to see someone. And dark corridors can only be opened by people with very strong sentiments, like hatred or…wanting to see someone very badly, like the Beast. It doesn’t prove anything, but I did find interesting because it was a little bit random.

Kairi: Who are you?

Axel: Axel. I happen to be an acquaintance of Sora’s. Why don’t we go see him?

Kairi: …Sora?

Axel: We’ve got something in common, Kairi. You and I both miss someone we care about. Hey, I feel like we’re friends already.

In KH3D, Lea also used the dark corridors while looking for Isa. Mickey told him that was reckless.

Axel: Somehow I just knew you’d be here. I tell ya, Kairi, you’ve got a lot of guts, jumping right into the darkness like that.

In KH2, Axel said that he knew Kairi would be in Twilight Town and that she had a lot of guts jumping into the darkness like that. She and Axel had a lot in common because they both wanted to see someone that they missed very badly. Maybe they also had a lot in common since they both just jumped right into the darkness to see the person they missed. 

So basically, I think Axel was desperately searching for someone in his past and that led him into being an organization member. But it definitely wasn’t Mystery Girl X. And I think Isa was desperately wanting to see someone that he thought he might have imagined. But it wasn’t Mystery Girl X.

[jujuismental]

Grief

I’m here to talk about grief. Because I have a lot to say about it.

I was just about to start university/college in august of 2013 when I heard over the phone that my Dad had died. My dad was in another country. It was a hit and run. I never got to say goodbye and I couldn’t go to the funeral. Me and my mom were together at the time and we were in so much pain. I woke up the next morning wishing it was some sort of nightmare but it wasn’t.

My mom was heartbroken to grow old alone, I was in pain imagining the rest of my life without my Dad. Our entire family was falling apart, especially my brothers who had to take care of the funeral and hit and run court case. It truly felt like the pain was never going to go away. Every morning, every night, every birthday, every anniversary.

I still struggle today to talk about my Dad to others. It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s that people immediately want to cheer me up. They try to stop me from feeling sad. They say things like “Cheer up, don’t be sad, i’m sorry I brought it up”. They want me to let it go.. but I don’t want to let it go. I don’t want to forget my Dad right now or ever. When I do remember him, I want to be sad. I want to feel it all, and I want someone to listen to my thoughts until I can’t feel the pain anymore. I want to tell funny and sad stories about my dad - I don’t want to just shut it all out. I don’t think a lot of people get that.

In my culture, when someone dies, these estranged family members come to your house out of nowhere and start praying and telling you that he or she is in heaven and you should pray for them. Then they blast the Quran and follow protocols. I didn’t really know how to respond.. I hadn’t even had time to process that my Dad wasn’t there anymore and yet these people already shipped him in a box to heaven. I couldn’t stand to be around them during that time. They kept repeating the same things over and over, like it was a religious script. *Sigh* more to say about Religion in another post. Stay tuned lol.

Over the years I started to feel less pain. When I did, I still cried a lot, but only on some days. Same with my mother as well. My parents had a pretty rough marriage towards the end - she feels awful about it. There’s a lot of things she would do differently if she knew. I looked back at all the stupid selfish things I did. Well now I am trying to be so much better to my mom. I spend a lot of time with her and I am very attached to her. My dad and I had a really special connection, our morning drives to school and our talks about technology. With my mom it’s a bit different, but my relationship with my mom has definitely deepened over the past few years.

Surprisingly in retrospect, I went through with university just fine, in fact I was an honours student for all 4 years yah :p okay sorry for trying to brag here in sad momentz. I hope my papa is proud!

*insert 6 years later*

...And then death returned once again to my family. Like I knew it would. My aunt died through brain cancer after 2 years of fighting. And I can’t tell you what hurts more. Losing someone suddenly without warning or watching someone slowly die in front of you and having the time to say goodbye. Cancer is horrible. Maybe I will write another article about this. RIP aunty. You reminded me that in the end, in your last moments, the people you love are the most important to you. You and dad are such sweet souls. RIP.

While all of this is deeply tragic and sad stuff.. the only good thing I can do is to pay it forward. I really try hard to be there for someone who is grieving. Hey stranger reading this.. if you want to talk just message me.

So here are the lessons I have learned.. hoping they might help you..

~ You probably won’t believe me when I say this but you will feel better. It’s a process that takes time, years even (it’s been 7 years for me and I am finally okay). The pain comes and goes over the years, and don’t get me wrong it will still be there, but it will be tolerable. This I can promise you.

~ Accepting it is hard. I used to always pretend he was on a trip somewhere and he’d be back someday. In fact when I dream of him this the dream I have the most, like he would show up at the door and wouldn’t be dead and I would be so happy. Of course that’s not the best approach. The next thing I did was create a blog where I would write him letters and still include him in my life. I would update him about everything and hope that he’s reading it somewhere. Just to still have him in my life. I still cannot fathom how one soul is alive with a twinkle in their eyes and just dies in the dirt. Religion helps a lot of people deal with that stuff. I consider it sometimes, but I don’t know where I belong. Sometimes I tell myself, this is life. What can we do, we are born to die.

~ Writing helps a ton. Doing things for them or on behalf of them, helps too. Live with them, write them letters. Update them about your life through a private blog. That’s what I do! It’s working so far..

~ During tough days like birthdays or anniversaries, it’s truly best to spend it with those who share your grief, like your family. My family (brothers & mom) are much more closer now. We know how important it is for us to be together..and to fill the gap that Dad left behind. My older brothers did a great job of paying for us while I was in school and buying us a house. They are great.

~ When talking to someone who is grieving, let them share stories about their loved one, don’t encourage them surpress it. Just listen... I am sure they have something they want to say. If not, then that’s also okay. A hug goes a long way.

~ It’s hard to grow up at the same time as your parents, you want to live your life and pursue your dreams and that might be far away from them. The tragedy of life is you lose so much time trying to make a living. (I guess this might be a fluff quote..) What I am trying to say is - spend more time with your parents..

~ They say an average person lives 80+ and that’s what every kid grows up thinking, and so we plan our entire future around that, thinking that everyone in our life is going to reach that age. What I now live with is the thought that death can come at any age, to you or to someone you love. The realization left me awfully scared. You can take care of yourself and in the end die because of someone else’s mistakes. The guy who hit my father? Who was he? Just a stranger. Who knew someone so insignificant would tear my family apart. And yes, people die everyday, we hear it on the news - it’s sad but not sad enough, we wake up the next morning fine. It only hits home when it hits home. Then it’s never the same and you empathize with anyone who hurts and grieves over someone. I was planning so many things in my future and thinking of ways to give back to my parents after years, when I am older and have a job. I was thinking a minimum five years down the road to show my appreciation. I was too late. Years too late. Don’t plan too far down the road, think shorter term and love now, treat the people you love better now.

~ Spend time with your loved ones now.

I promise you it gets better, but before it does, please write, express, cry and be there for each other x

This one’s for you Dad..missing you around all the time..

[sftd-official]

Moments like these, Fal-Mai cursed how little basic knowledge she had.

In an effort to try to get more into this “friendship” business, Fal-Mai had wanted to make tea for her and Eliza—maybe just some for her and Sammy if she lost her nerve. Having at least the knowledge that she should head over to the Mess Hall if she wanted to prepare food of any kind, she found herself crouched down, starting at a variety of machines she couldn’t discern the purpose of. Well, one of them with a glass pot underneath it she somewhat recognized, if a little grimly; she’d seen it in cleared havens before, and it seemed to be a bit of a staple.

Fal-Mai had tea before. She’d just never been taught how to make it. Hot water had to be involved somewhere. Was there a machine for it? Where were their stores of tea? Was she even looking in the right location? Honestly, Fal-Mai didn’t even know where to start, and it was a little demoralizing. Not knowing how to do something as simple as prepare tea was humbling, and told her how little common knowledge she possessed.

“Fancying a cup of coffee, Assassin?”

A familiar voice made her turn her head, watching as Bradford walked up behind her. Looking back to the machine in front of her, she sighed. “I was hoping to make tea for Eliza and I, but... I fear I do not know how.”

“Yeesh. Elders didn’t teach you Chosen much, did they?” Bradford came to stand next to her with an empty mug, setting it down on the counter. He joined her in staring at the machine. “Of course they’d empty my brew and not make a new pot,” he grumbled, before grabbing the glass container under it. “Here. Eliza’s not much for tea—and I don’t know how to make it either, anyways—so I’ll show you how to make the coffee she likes.”

Fal-Mai followed after Bradford as he went over to the sink, putting the glass pot under the faucet and turning the water on. “You’re going to want water, first of all. You’d want to shoot for better quality where can, but, not much we can do about that here.”

“Is the Avenger’s water not filtered?”

“It is,” he said, gesturing, “but enough to make it safe to drink. Lily’s the one in charge of maintaining that, but Raymond’s the one who came up with the filter. Does a pretty good job, at least—haven’t heard anyone complain about the water.” He sighed. “Yet.”

Raymond was an unfamiliar name to her. She almost sought out the Network in order to place him, but decided the source she needed to ask was right here, anyway. “—who is Raymond?”

“Kinda surprised you don’t know.” Bradford picked up the now-full pot, walking back over to the machine. He lifted a top part of it and continued to talk as he poured the water in. “He was Lily’s old man. Responsible for a lot of the features on this ship before Lily got ahold of it. Was there at First Contact alongside Eliza and I.”

Ah. So he was the head of engineering before Lily took his place. “Where is he, now?”

Bradford was quiet for a moment, emptying the pot and putting it back in its place. He responded after a bit. “Gone. I don’t know what happened exactly but he went along with some of our personnel to try to make a difference, out there, promising to keep in touch. We... we lost contact with him after a while, and it didn’t take long to figure out the tower he was keeping holed up in got raided by ADVENT. Nobody survived that I knew of.”

The answer made Fal-Mai hush up with her questions for the moment. She hoped Bradford didn’t see her as a nuisance for asking so many. Eliza had said it herself; how was she going to learn if she never asked? Still, she felt the need to apologize. “I’m sorry. Had I known, I would not have asked so callously.”

Bradford shook his head, reaching up into a cabinet and taking out a clear container filled with dark brown, almost black powder. The label read “DEATH RATTLE COFFEE.” “Don’t be. Never going to know if you don’t ask—and I figured it was the case, anyway.” Seems Bradford and Eliza were of like minds on a few things. He gestured to the coffee machine, bringing her attention back to it. “Before you put the grounds in, check to make sure there’s a filter in there.” That must be the white, thin, paper-like object in the machine. “Seems someone was decent enough to replace it. If you need more, there’s some in the cabinet with the grounds.”

He pulled out a drawer, grabbing a spoon. “You’re going to want to fill the filter up to a certain degree. I don’t know how many tablespoons—I try not to dirty those so the cooks have them clean. After a while, you learn to eyeball it.” He opened the container and started to fill the filter. It was then that the smell of the grounds hit Fal-Mai—the face she made must’ve been funny, as Bradford looked back at her and chuckled. “Yeah, my mix isn’t for the unprepared sort. You build up a tolerance to it—but hell, it’ll keep you awake far longer than adrenaline would.”

Humans were very, very strange creatures. “You would ‘build up a tolerance’ to something like this?”

“Coffee’s got caffeine, Fal-Mai. We need caffeine to stay awake around here, and we’ve grown to the point of needing some very hard stuff.” After a bit of filling the filter, he pointed to it. “You’ll want this much of the grounds in there if you’re making a full pot—which we tend to do, since anyone can stop by and make themselves a cup.” He closed the lid and hit a few buttons, and Fal-Mai could hear mechanical parts in it come to life. “—think I heard Mordenna wanting to tweak this thing so it’d brew faster. I’m all for it, but I’m almost afraid to hand ol’ reliable off to him.”

“He is a competent engineer, if nothing else,” she remarked. Her gun was thanks to him, after all... and perhaps she really did need to hand it over to him so he could tweak it. She owed him that much after pestering him with insensitive questions. “As... interesting as his projects may get, I believe it would be a wise choice.”

“Fair enough. Only problem is that we’re going to be without a coffee maker for as long as he’s working on it, and I imagine that’d cause some people to riot.” An almost-black liquid started to fill the pot, and the smell filled the room. “That’s it for the coffee, really, if you like it straight like I do. Eliza doesn’t, so I’ll show you what to add when this is done brewing.”

Fal-Mai contemplated for a moment before coming at Bradford with her next question. “How long have you known Eliza?”

Bradford whistled at that, scratching his stubble. “That’s a question. We met in boot camp where I had to apologize for one of my dumbass friends for thinking he could pick a fight with a woman like her. Obviously, he hadn’t met Eliza. He got court martialed later for something related, so he wasn’t cut out for it all in the first place. We were pretty quick friends after that before XCOM came around and recruited the both of us to the program.” His expression turned grim. “She doesn’t like to talk about what she did there much, so I won’t either. She got taken at First Contact, and I escaped, but only because of her. To answer your question? Over thirty years.”

Thirty years. Fal-Mai had only known Eliza as she did now for a month or so. Bradford was father ahead of her than she could ever possibly hope to be. Crossing her arms, she looked down. “It must be nice to have known her for so long.”

“To be fair,” he muttered, “twenty of those were apart from her. And...” He sighed. “Eliza was... different, before those twenty. Sterner, to put it lightly. How to put this...” He looked to Fal-Mai, mouth set into a line. “Old Eliza probably wouldn’t have given you guys the chance she has.”

Oh. That was certainly a way to put it into perspective, even if Fal-Mai couldn’t imagine an Eliza like that. She nodded at the information. “I... understand, even if I cannot fathom her being like that. She’s just...”

“Kind? Soft? Has an ear for anyone who needs listened to?” Bradford looked back to the pot, filling up with coffee. “You and me both, Fal-Mai. I was shocked, myself, those first few days of her being out. I’d gotten used to the Eliza of old, so to have her going around, being genuinely kind to Tygan and Lily? Took some getting used to, but I wasn’t complaining.” He gave a tired smile. “She made me look like a fool. I’d built the soldiers up on expecting a tough, no-nonsense Commander, and the first thing she did was sit down, introduce herself, and get to know all of them. Half of them thought Eliza was pulling a joke, the other half thought it was me being a joker.”

Bradford saying that with a smile on his face truly told Fal-Mai she didn’t have the breadth of experience to make such a phenomenon make sense. Then again, when she thought over Eliza... she wanted to smile, too. Even at more somber memories such as her comforting Fal-Mai in the Resistance Ring after what she had learned of her creation. Was Eliza just that kind of person who could make anyone smile?

He chuckled, leading Fal-Mai to discover she was smiling. She looked away, pouting. “Oh, don’t worry about it,” Bradford assured, “Eliza’s got this aura about her that tends to make people feel a bit better.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m pretty sure that might be literal, nowadays, but that’s beside the point. Whatever you thought of Eliza before, with the Elders, I think it’s safe to discard that thinking.” He paused. “Actually, I don’t think I ever got around to asking why you wanted to make Eliza tea. Something special?”

Fal-Mai’s face further heated up. Truth be told, she’d been thinking of Eliza fondly before she had arrived here, and wanted to do something for her. Making tea was about the only thing she could fathom of, since Sammy was the one who introduced her to the idea indirectly. But, as with Sammy’s reaction to reading her fondness for the Commander, something told her that she shouldn’t tell him the actual reason. “No reason,” she muttered, “other than wishing to repay her how I can for taking me in as she has.”

“Good on you.” Seems Bradford believed her. “Always nice to have someone caring for Eliza rather than the other way around. I take pride in my job, but that woman needs to see she can lean on other people instead of having to be strong by herself all day.” He settled his hands on his hips. “Maybe if she hears it from more people outside of me, she’ll start to believe it.”

Yes, Fal-Mai remembered the incident, not too long ago. Even though her brothers had openly—and correctly—guessed that she was there in the Infirmary, she wasn’t going to reveal her hand. Eliza... she hadn’t guessed she could break down like that. The thought squeezed her chest, and made her want to lie beside her as Mordenna had. “I will see what I can do, Central. I... do not wish for her to suffer.”

“You and me both, Assassin. You and me both.”

Some silence spanned between the two of them, and it was long enough that the pot finished filling. Clearing his throat to break the quiet, he grabbed another mug out of the cabinets, as well as a container of what looked like sugar. He went over to the refrigerator, grabbing a gallon of milk. He came back with it and started to pour out the coffee into both mugs. “Eliza never has her coffee straight. Some days it’s just sugar, some days it’s just sugar and milk. Considering she’s negotiating with some havens today, I’d say she needs both.”

Done filling the mugs, he took the milk and poured a bit in, Fal-Mai noting down the exact amount in her head. He then spooned in some sugar. “Three is usually her gambit, and I don’t blame her. If you’re not me or Lily, you kind of need to dull this stuff down to make it drinkable. Got all that?”

She nodded. “I am sure I will remember it for the future. Thank you, Bradford.”

Bradford began to place all the components back, including the coffee pot. “Happy to help. And... far be it from me to say ‘stop worrying Eliza so much,’ but what I do want to say is... I think I’d be willing to hear you out regarding what might be troubling you. The impression of you I get is that you’re genuine, but need to ask a lot of questions to get up to speed, which is understandable. You understand what I’m saying?”

Fal-Mai blinked. It wasn’t as if she was adverse to the offer. Bradford simply did not strike her as the type to care. Perhaps it was the interaction between him and Mordenna that fostered this. “... I do, Bradford, but you will have to excuse me if I do not think you as the kind of person who would be concerned with a Chosen’s worries.”

“Me neither, a while ago. But I think Eliza’s rubbing off on me.”

She nodded slowly. “Eliza... is a good influence, I believe.”

“That’s an understatement if I’ve ever heard one. Still, we have a deal?”

She didn’t think she could fully confide in Bradford just yet... but there was a question or two brewing in her mind that she believed she couldn’t ask Eliza herself. Perhaps he would be a good alternative. “I believe we do. Thank you again, Bradford.”

“No problem.” He picked up his mug, sliding Eliza’s to her. “She should still be in the Resistance Ring right about now. She could probably use the pick-me-up right about now.”

Picking up the mug, Fal-Mai gave Bradford a gentle smile. “I will see to it that she receives it.”

Taking a sip of his own mug, Bradford bobbed his head. “Don’t forget to tell her who taught you.”

Still smiling, Fal-Mai returned the nod and walked out of the Mess Hall, keeping the mug steady. Bradford, despite his appearances, struck Fal-Mai as a kind person, almost in Eliza’s vein of being. Perhaps he was more worn from the passage of years and showed it more than she did, but there was a certain warmth to the conversation they had held. It left Fal-Mai considering his offer further.

She eventually made her way to the Resistance Ring, tapping the panel and stepping on it. The screen at the end of the room was darkened, and Eliza was slumped across one of the couches. Seeing Fal-Mai enter, she perked up. “Oh! Hey, Fal-Mai. What do you need?”

The Assassin shook her head. “I require nothing of you, Eliza, other than to take what I offer you.”

Fal-Mai walked over and offered Eliza the mug. Recognizing what it was, Eliza’s face lit up and she took it, taking a quick sip. “Oh, Fal-Mai, you’re a doll. Thank you.” The praise... certainly was unwelcome, but Fal-Mai had to fight back a blush. After another sip and some blowing on the coffee to get it to cool down, she looked to her. “—I didn’t take you to know my blend.”

“Bradford taught me.”

Eliza grinned. “Aww. You and that man are real treasures, you know that?” More praise? That blush was getting harder and harder to fight. “You know what? Maybe I need something of you, Fal-Mai. Mind sitting down?”

“N-not at all, Commander.” With that, Fal-Mai gently sat down beside her. To her surprise, Eliza softly lifted her arm and leaned against her side, relaxing.

“Oh, good god. Fal-Mai, running relations with havens is a mistake. Don’t do it. You’d think after this long in the war and ‘taking out’ three whole Chosen I’d have more of a bargaining chip up my sleeve but you would be wrong and so much more.”

Having Eliza this close was very distracting, and Fal-Mai’s arm draped over her shoulders was even more so. Still, she did realize what Eliza was doing—she was venting to her. Bradford mentioned this would be a good thing. She nodded quickly. “I-I would think that they would learn some gratitude, but... I am only one year old.”

That got a laugh out of Eliza, who tried to keep her mug straight as she did. “Hah! I wish I had that specific brand of optimism.” She took another sip, face falling a bit. “It’s. It’s alright if I just gripe at you, right?”

Not knowing too much what to do, Fal-Mai found herself patting Eliza’s side. “Of course, Commander. I... believe you could use the relaxation.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I could.” Even as she said it, Eliza didn’t seem to believe it. Still, she remained leaned against Fal-Mai, a smile returning to her face in a moment of quiet. It turned into some form of annoyance as she went on. “Ok, where was I. Right. This joker called Bastion thinks that Edgar is some sort of bargaining tool for supplies! Apparently he’s got it in his head that he’s the one who led us to Edgar, when I distinctly remember it being Edgar’s choice to join up with us. I cannot imagine...”

As Eliza continued, Fal-Mai found herself relaxing in the situation. Eliza’s closeness still stirred something in her chest, and she found herself wanting to know more about these feelings she had. She felt as if she wanted to hold Eliza closer and tell her secrets, or even teach her what she knew of her own weaponry. She couldn’t place anything on what it was she felt, but the feeling made her happy. Eliza made her happy, and that was all Fal-Mai could ask for.