#i only know vaguely what im talking about im all rambly but i think my feelings are accurate

[noihavenosanitythanksforasking]

so this is based on my ramble in the byler discord but im gonna try and compress it into something readable n shit

So in the recent panel with my king Finn Wolfhard, my boy dropped a hint. A very important hint.

"The differences? Mike's a lot more brave than me. I don't think I'd be out there in a different dimension trying to save my friend and be in gunfights and stuff like that. Yeah he's way more brave than I could ever be."

A different dimension??

So Mike is going to the UD in S5. Im very unsurprised and im sure you are as well but lets fuckin talk about it bc holy fuck.

So I know this is the byler community but listen to me when i say, hold my hand and look me in the eyes when i say, I highly doubt that this friend Finn is talking about is Will. ESPECIALLY if byler is canon. Finn is very media trained and you can read legit anything he has ever said about the show and know how good he is about keeping secrets. If this friend was will we wouldn't have mentioned it. It's too close to the danger zone. He would have said something like 'i dont think i'd be out there fighting monsters and risking my life' or something like that. Which is much more vague and can apply to all seasons.

My theory is that this friend is max. CALL ME CRAZY. it could be anyone and I dont have exact reasoning on why its Max other than the fact that shes the only friend actively in danger rn and i adore madwheeler friendship with my heart and soul. But imo its def not Will and its not El.

Now if you go through the main characters there are only (if my memory is correct) 3 characters who havent been to the UD yet.

Lucas, Jonathan and Mike.

Other Characters:

El- Season 1 during the school battle (possibly sooner in the lab idk)

Will- all of s1 duh

dustin- season 4 with eddie

max - season 4 when she was vecna'd

nancy- season 1 in the forest or in s4 with robin and steve to kill vecna

steve- watergate and with nancy and robin

robin - season 4 with nancy and steve

hopper- im p sure hes been more than once but season 1 to find will

joyce- same thing i think shes been more than once but to find will in s1

So Lucas, Jonathan and Mike.

What do these 3 characters all have in common.

They are all a part of one of the main relationships that had issues in season 4. And what are these problems? Lets assess.

Jonathan is stressed because he doesnt want to go to the same school as nancy. He wants to tell her but he knows that she'll give up what she wants to be with him. He doesnt want to hold her back. Nancy feels shut out and afraid that Jonathan doesnt love her anymore. She wants to be together but she doesnt want to put Jonathan in a situation where he has to choose something over something else. They are having issues communicating.

Lucas is stressed about max because he wants to be there for her. Max is shutting him out due to the fact that she feels unworthy of his love or because she is scared of getting hurt and attached to someone. Lucas is hurt because he feels max doesn't trust him. They are having issues communicating.

Mike is stressed about about two people. El and Will. And for this brief moment we're going to look at this in a non byler pov. Mike is stressed about El because he doesn't know what she wants. He wants them to be happy but they aren't and he's not sure how to fix that. He also doesnt ask. Communication issue. Mike is stressed about Will because they aren't talking the way they used too. They dont tell each other anything anymore. They've drifted and Mike doesn't know what's going on anymore. Communication issue.

Interesting.

Thoughout the series the UD has been used as a symbol of all the hard things. Depending on what theories you believe (*cough* lonnie *cough*) this can have more or less meaning but lets assess how going to the UD has affected two of these relationships so far.

Jancy-

Jancy in season one was very tense. they were not friends for a good part of the season. They had constant issues with each other and fought a lot. Then barb goes missing. Will goes missing. They go to the forest in an attempt to figure it out. And Nancy ends up in the UD. Her going into the UD and making it out alive is the catalyst for her and Jonathan to get past their differences, to see each other for who they are and to put their pride aside enough to work together and appreciate the other as a fellow person.

Lumax-

Lumax had a lot of issues with communication and not being able to understand each other in the beginning of s4. They couldn't see eye to eye no matter what lucas did and max was very shut out. Then Max get's vecna'd and comes back. And then lumax finds the strength to communicate for the first time in the season, to see where the other is coming from and allow the other to be there for them.

So what does this mean for Mike. Well, both nancy and max had something that they we're struggling to overcome. A fear that they couldn't escape. Nancy's was barb and Max's was billy. Jonathan and lucas both have something they are afraid to express. Jonathan's is that he wants something diff than nancy and Lucas is that he wants to be there for her but doesnt want to intrude. All of these characters were pushed to solving these issues because of the Upside down (well jancy's recent issue hasn't been solved yet but ykwim).

Mike is going to go to the UD. Which is going to push him into a state of giving in on holding back his feelings. He's going to have to overcome something

El wants to be together, to be happy.

Will is afraid of his feelings, afraid of letting himself want what he wants and being hurt. He feels unworthy of love.

And Mike doesnt want what El wants. Mike loves Will but he is afraid of intruding.

So anyways thats why mike going to the UD means internalized homophobia thanks for coming to my ted talk i'd love to hear yalls ideas :D

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

questioning sexuality is so exhausting

[wintergrofyuri]

@itsonlypolite

@wrathful-banette

TEEHEE OK

so. i forgot to say. skeptic IS a detective. a pi. a gumshoe. a dick, if you will. but i guess thats sort of implied already. i just wanted to state it clearly.

but anyways.

this whole thing was made bc im so fucking insane about the cage chapter. the themes about being a slave to fate and how our actions are not our own and losing control of yourself and your life. just. ugh. it speaks to me a lot. and ofc skeptic being an old timey detective is so universal. i joke about hating him but i Do like him and find him interesting. i want to put him in situations.

and thats what this whole au is. putting skeptic in situations. hearing new perspectives, having his theories proven wrong, dealing with uncooperative suspects, red herrings. i love when hes wrong or ignored or otherwise slighted. he seems very. sure of himself? not an arrogant fool, but more. a guy who hasnt been wrong before. ykno. and i think ur typical film noir (with slay the princess elements like cycles and fate) is just a really natural fit to explore all that.

but its Also about playing with the whole "perception based creature" thing that the princess has going on. i Love "character nobody really knows" and the princess, with her multiple forms and fluid personality, works Rlly rlly well with this concept. i love the princess and i think she deserves to be a mysterious "haunting the narrative" type character. shes like a spy with multiple disguises. or someone in witness protection.

and also bartender hero lives in my mind like a parasite. oh my god that reminds me i need to talk about the others ok.

hero is the bartender (as stated before) of "the long quiet" bc i think its funny theyre still in tlq even in this silly film noir au.

stubborn is the bouncer/bodyguard/whatever the fuck you call it. he kicks ppl out when they get too rowdy.

cheated is The regular there. he either sits at a table and mopes or gets roped into a card game with opportunist that results in both of them being kicked out (theres always blood drawn).

opportunist is a conman/snake oil salesman whos only still allowed bc hero is too nice and opp is too good at buttering ppl up.

smitten is a tortured artist, lamenting to anyone who will listen about his lost love and muse. he is never paying his damn tab, but again, hero is too nice.

cold is a mysterious figure who only visits the bar like. once a month. he barely talks to anyone and only drinks water. (hes an assassin LOL)

broken is the local priest (the god is shifty btw) who only visits bc hero told him to get out more. he doesnt drink either. he just looks vaguely haunted.

contrarian is a guy whos hard to pin down. you cant find him, you just have to pray he appears ykno. the only people who Know him are hero and cold, but hero refuses to divulge anything abt him and cold is just. Cold. ykno.

paranoid is skeptic's partner (lol) and secretary. he does half the work around the office (maybe more) and lives with skeptic. he complains and protests and threatens to quit, but its all bark. hes very loyal. to his own frustration.

now im going to be honest. hunted is Super difficult to put in this au. given his role as a fight or flight, base animal instinct type, he cant be fit into an au like this very easily. ive considered a hunter, but that doesnt fit him at all. so. im a hack and i should delete my tumblr.

but no seriously hunted is very difficult. ALSO. THE NARRATOR. ive been thinking if i should add him and how prevelant he should be and what he would be like. if he should be in the bar or if skeptic would need to meet him somewhere else. maybe hes the villain ykno. but im. not sure and i dont wanna make the whole thing Too big ykno. i swear its not just bc i dont like him (joke (hes fun to hate (but also i hate him), i genuinely am stuck on what to do with him.

anyways. thats pretty much it. i dont wanna derail this post with. yaoi ramblings. so ill keep it close to my chest. also b4 u ask, im. not going to make this a fic or anything. i dont have the energy for something like this and im not very. good at writing longform anyway. i much prefer tiny drabbles. and anyways, its kinda. rlly unfinished cuz ive been too busy thinking too hard about minor details.

listen to 3 time tony winner, broadway classic, city of angels with music by cy coleman, lyrics by david zippel, and book by larry gelbart. thanks.

I ALMOST FORGOT. theyre still birds 💜. yayyyy 💞

[gods-favorite-autistic]

fantasy high hc ! all the bad kids know sign language (solesian sign language? their own made up sign? probably both lets be honest)

(semi/)nonverbal gorgus/riz being able to communicate easily with their friends if speech is hard or theyre overwhelmed, i also hc that adaine loses speech when she gets really anxious or stressed about something no im not projecting

also hoh fig my beloved, she started losing her hearing when her horns grew in and the whole being a rockstar thing probably doesnt help, she has hearing aids (special made and enhanced by gorgugs tinkering) but they dont fix her hearing 100% and hearing aids are not comfy to wear 24/7 so being able to take them out and still communicate is great

(sorry for the ramble lol)

⚡️

Yessss I love this

They get the idea sometime during freshman year, everyone is hanging out at Riz’s place and it’s just very very loud and Riz has not been having a good day before that and Fig kept punching his arm all bro-ey and he ended up hiding in the kitchen signing with his mom, Fig recognized it when she went to go get a snack and joined in (she had tried to learn it when her horns grew in, it’s really janky but she’s trying her best) and Riz was just so excited to have somebody else know it

Fabian has the most trouble learning it, he tends to gesture vaguely a lot with his hands while talking so having to talk with his hands very specifically is weird for him, but he puts in the effort for his friends

Adaine starts teaching herself it (her father thinks it’s unpractical, she has comprehend languages if she really needs it, so she usually goes to the school library and practices there) and then once she picks it up she helps teach the other Bad Kids

Kristen already knows some from doing outreach with the church (they were culty but they weren’t fully ableist) but it’s mainly religious words so it’s pretty much as broken as her Elvish, she does pick it up surprisingly quickly (despite her abysmal dexterity)

Gorgug knows a few specific words his parents taught him when he was little (he was not very good at thinking clearly enough to communicate when he was overwhelmed so it’s mainly just words like “mad” “sad” and “loud” that he can sign really quickly), him and Fabian have study sessions for while once they start learning and figure out they’re both abysmal at it

Fig steals her moms card and signs up for lessons before figuring out that not a single one of these people know how to sign conversationally (she’s the only actual hoh person in there including the teacher who is just so condescending like she’s aware of how to sign the word yes she’s not inept) so she quits after like day two and learns with Adaine

Riz learned how to sign when he was like 6 (his parents thought it would be a useful life skill but they also figured out it both gave his hands something nondestructive to do and a way to communicate during meltdowns so they worked extra hard to teach him) and he helps the others out with their signing (mainly Fabian and Gorgug)

If they don’t want to be overheard they have a tendency of slipping into sign language, which is very confusing when they go from the loudest corner ever to literal silence+the smacking of hands

Fig tries to very discreetly talk shit with Fabian and Adaine in front of Jawbone by signing except Jawbone decided to learn sign the first week he was counselor so she got in trouble anyways (he did not let her use the “but im disabled” card to get out of it)

Fig tries to be her own translator at concerts (“Adaine can make a simulacra it’ll be cool!”) but her label said no

Fabian tends to use sign language any time he’s at a party and doesn’t feel like ruining his voice for the night just to chat with his friends

Gorgug thinks it’s really funny to sign curse words in front of teachers and then lie about what they mean (especially Porter in Junior year he thinks it’s hilarious)

[punkassfrance]

The Ponderosa Wolves - Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Wet Hot American Summer (Work length ~1.9k) This work is rated M to be safe. Expect vulgarity, not explicit content. This chapter contains: mentions of raccoon violence. Owen mentions. Full Series - Next Chapter

Abby

“Oh, you have to be fucking kidding me.”

Abby pulls the screen closer to her face as she sits up in bed, her mouth opening as she parses the news before her. The caption beneath the photo confirms what she didn’t want to know.

Baby Moore coming December 2025!

Mel is holding up ultrasound photos on Instagram, smiling wide with Owen’s arms around her. He’s looking down at her with a grin, hands resting on her stomach. They both look too happy.

Abby throws her phone down on the bed seconds before she hears it buzz, groaning and resting her head in her hands. They broke up less than four months ago and he’s already knocked up his new girlfriend? It doesn’t take long to do the math in her head—they must have started dating the week after her and Owen broke up, if not the same day. She doesn’t want to consider the possibility that it was any sooner than that, but it’s not out of the question.

Whatever. It’s not her concern. They’re not together anymore, not even on speaking terms, what does she care? He can father enough children to fill a daycare, it wouldn’t affect her in the slightest. He’s not her problem anymore, and if Mel thinks she can deal with him, more power to her.

Rubbing her face, Abby peeks between her fingers at her phone lying on the bed, screen lit up with notifications. Most are from Nora. She grabs it and opens up their messages, scrolling through. The first message is a screenshot of the post.

I’m so sorry Abs

He’s a total dick

God, poor Mel

Are either of them thinking at all? They’ve only been together three months, neither of them have a degree yet lmao

The math isn’t mathing

Need to call?

Abby smirks at Nora’s rambling. She’s right, of course—it’s a shitty move to pull. Even if he doesn’t owe Abby anything anymore, it’s just stupid. There’s no way he doesn’t know how this looks, how badly this could go, how many ways he could fail and take Mel down with him. As much as she wants to hate Mel, she can’t quite bring herself to. She knows firsthand what it’s like to convince herself Owen is the one.

There’s a few messages from Manny too, one of them a screenshot of the post.

the fuuuuuuuuuuck

this has to be a bad joke

what a dumbass

you want me to kill him for you

that motherfucker im gonna go kill him rn

Abby snorts, firing back a quick I know, right before she responds to Nora.

No, I’m fine

Gonna shut off my phone for a bit, love you

She lets it power down and sets it on her nightstand, curling up on her side when she hears a gentle knock on her door.

“Yeah?”

The knob turns and her father steps in, smiling softly as he peeks through the doorway. She’s not sure when he got home from work, but he’s already changed out of his scrubs.

“Hey, honey. How was your day?”

Abby presses her lips together as she pulls a spare blanket over her shoulders, pulling it in to her chest. She shrugs, looking down. “Could have been worse, I guess. Registered for my fall classes, got everything I wanted.”

“Alright, score!” His smile falters a bit as he steps into the room. “I, uh…just got off the phone with Marlene.”

Abby sits up at the mention of Marlene. She knows her father talks to their family friend at least once a week, but she doesn’t often hear the details of their conversations. “How is she?”

“Oh she’s alright, just fine, but…Leah’s mom had a bit of an accident.”

Abby sits up, brows drawing together. “Shit. What kind of accident?”

“A really vague one Marlene wouldn’t give me details about.”

“How bad is it?”

He shrugs softly, crossing his arms as he leans against her doorway. “Sounds like she’ll pull through, but Leah needs to go back home for a bit to help out. Marlene’s gonna be short a counselor at camp for a few weeks.” He grimaces softly, glancing up from the ground to Abby.

Abby narrows her eyes. She knows that look. “Okay…?”

“…I told Marlene I’d ask if you wanted to step in.”

She sighs, eyes wandering as she thinks. She’s got a few more months before she goes back to campus; a few weeks at Marlene’s camp wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. As nice as the break has been, she’s getting restless. It wouldn’t hurt to spend some time in the woods after the news she just got, either.

“I mean—” Abby trails off, looking back up to her father. “…details?”

“Marlene’s got four middle school girls who need a counselor coming on Sunday for the next two weeks. You’d go up tomorrow to settle in, she’ll cover your gas. You’ll get paid, of course; I know you’re not going to want to work while you’re studying. She could really use a hand, but if you just want to relax for your summer break, that’s totally alright.” He takes a step forward, tucking his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “Either way, she needs to know soon.”

It only takes Abby a moment to think about it. “…yeah. Alright, I’m in.”

-

Ellie

“Damn, that sucks.” Jesse takes a sip of his soda, free hand tucked into his pocket. “What are the odds of that?”

“The odds of getting attacked by a raccoon when you’re stupid enough to try to chase them away from your trash? Pretty high.” Ellie pushes a strand of hair out of her face, glancing over at Dina standing by the register. She chews on the straw of her milkshake, lost in thought as Dina pays for her drink.

“They don’t usually attack, though, do they?”

“Smacking it with a broom probably didn’t help.”

Jesse shrugs as Dina walks back to join them, ponytail swaying as she waves goodbye to the cashier.

“Dina, did you hear about Leah’s mom?” Jesse wraps an arm around her as she slides up beside him.

“She got mauled by a bunch of raccoons.” Ellie deadpans, sipping her milkshake.

“Uh, I thought it was just one raccoon?” Dina raises an eyebrow as she taps her nails on the plastic cup in her hands, incredulity tinting her voice.

“That’s not as fun to picture, though. What are you, the fun police?”

Ellie pushes open the door and steps out onto the concrete, holding it open for Jesse and Dina to follow. She inhales the smell of the woods, heat sizzling off asphalt of the empty parking lot. Most of the convenience store’s customers just walk over from the campsite a half mile away; she’s not sure why they have a parking lot at all. Regardless, she’s glad the store is here. The kids love to walk over during their free time, and it’s nice to have a steady sugar supply when the cafeteria is on a health kick.

Summer is in full swing in the mountains. Even in jean shorts and a black t-shirt with the sleeves cut off, slathered in sunscreen, Ellie’s still struggling with the heat. If they weren’t in-between sets of campers, someone might try to fight her on the dress code, but in the moment she’d rather die than cover up any more.

“Well, who’s filling her position? Marlene’s already got the girls in Leah’s cabin planned out.”

“Dunno. Joel said she’s already put her usual backups with the high schoolers. The only one who has any middle school experience is a guy.”

Dina grimaces, pressing her lips together as the three of them start the short walk back to camp around the edge of the lake. “You don’t think she’s going to cram the girls into full cabins?”

“God, I hope not.” Ellie shudders. It’s only happened once before, but the cabins only have so many mattresses. Sleeping on the floor for two weeks had fucked up her back for the rest of last summer.

“Ugh, that would suck,” Dina says, raising the straw of her fountain drink to her lips.

“What do you care? You ditched us for the high schoolers.” Ditching might be a bit dramatic, but it’s not exactly wrong. Last year, Dina had been in the cabin right beside Ellie’s, both of them working with middle schoolers and sneaking over in the middle of the night to mess around when the girls were asleep. Their arrangement had ended unceremoniously when Dina got serious with Jesse in the last few weeks of camp, but Ellie didn’t hold a grudge. Dina’s been her best friend for too long, Ellie doesn’t want a life without her in it one way or another.

This year, Dina decided to work with the older kids in the high school cabins across the lake. Marlene didn’t hesitate to move her over, always desperate for counselors willing to wrangle teenagers. She’s still no more than a ten minute walk from Ellie’s cabin, but it’s ten more minutes than it was last year.

“I mean, it would suck for you.” Dina shrugs. “And I don’t want to listen to you complain about your back all summer again.”

“Just say you hate me. Can’t believe my favorite side chick hates me.” Ellie sighs dramatically, throwing her head back as the sun beats down on her face. Fuck, it’s hot out. She takes another sip of her chocolate milkshake.

Dina rolls her eyes, stepping away from Jesse’s side to loop her arm around Ellie’s. “Aww, Ellie. We all know you’re my side chick.”

Ellie’s right in the middle of an overdramatic eye roll when she feels her phone buzz. She pulls it out and squints to see the screen in the sunlight. It’s a message from Joel.

Do you want to come with me to get Sarah tomorrow?

Ellie grins. Sarah has been buzzing with excitement about going to camp all summer, even more when Joel promised the girl she’d be in Ellie’s cabin. For reasons Ellie will never understand, her little sister is thrilled to spend time with her. She messages him back.

ye

She almost puts her phone away before she sees a typing bubble pop up. Dina tilts her head at Ellie, lowering her cup. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah, just Joel.” She snorts as she sees his response.

You can’t even finish a word?

sry forgot you were born in the 1900s

She sends it off with an old man emoji and tucks her phone back in her pocket. “Just asking if I want to go pick up Sarah with him.”

Dina smiles. “She excited?”

“Oh yeah, can’t wait. I’m sure she’s pretty sick of Tommy by now.”

“Shit, I’d be pretty sick of Tommy too if I had to spend the whole summer with him.” Jesse shakes his head, looking away from the deep blue lake beside them. “Can I have my girlfriend back?”

“No,” Ellie and Dina say in unison, pulling closer to each other.

He shrugs, taking another drink of his soda. “Fine. You can borrow my girl since you can’t get one of your own.”

Ellie reaches over to shove him, Jesse breaking into a laugh as he stumbles to the side of the path. “Whatever! Remind me how long it took you to ask Dina out?”

“Three months,” Dina chirps, smirking as Jesse rights himself.

“Didn’t someone have to dare you?”

Jesse rolls his eyes, looking to the sky with a straight, exasperated face. “Why do I hang out with you two?”

“My ass?” Dina suggests.

“I’m a lovable scamp?” Ellie shrugs, raising an eyebrow. “Really hope it’s not my ass.”

“No, that’s why I hang out with you.” Dina nudges her.

“Damn straight.”

Hi everyone! This idea popped into my head and I can't seem to get rid of it, so here we go! This is going to be a lot more lighthearted than my other fic. Unrestrained summer fun. Yes, Ponderosa Lake is a real place in Washington, but for the purposes of this story it's a fictional lake in the mountains of California. (Yes, the Sierra Nevadas. I grew up in the area and I love it dearly.) I don't THINK there will be any major triggers, but please let me know if you spot something that deserves a warning!

I'm so excited for the series! Comments are always appreciated! Feel free to say hi or drop your thoughts in my askbox, check out my AO3 or my about me if you're interested!

Series taglist: @ellabslawyer @rareanduselessbird @hotwheels4hotgirls @polarhues

[snow-and-saltea]

something about titles for stories that sound utterly generic but it ends up being a masterpiece you binge read for two days straight. i love it so much. go read "my in laws are obsessed with me" on webtoon

rambling under the cut; some spoilers but nonspecific and vague

i fkn love so much the show not tell element in this story, it never feels like i'm being spoonfed information by having five speech bubbles in one panel. characters rarely say what they truly think or feel, atmosphere and mood are set solely by composition and art, some of the most heartbreaking and scared ive felt reading this manhwa had NO speech bubbles at all and there was no fancy effects or sfx you'd normally see in comics. the world goes on normally while you see a character in pain, full body wailing with grief at the ache of heartbreak. i teared up and i didnt even know what her voice sounded like, i didnt know what thoughts were going through her mind or the overwhelming bodily sensation of emotional pain that must've wrecked her. the build up of seeing an adaptable, grounded and sometimes cute and awkward person you've gotten to know over 50 ish chapters, only to then see her doubling over in pain and screaming, soundlessly to my ears. one of the most visceral experiences ive had recently.

i don't even care if i sound like im being biased or gassing this manhwa up btw Who Give A Shit bc not me!! i will talk about the things i like about bc i like them!

i love the mc / fl most of all because of how she's such... a neat vessel to the world. not spoiling it about her backstory and disposition and such, but the way she, on paper, sort of fits into that niche of people who don't know how much they matter to people around them. usually in regression / revenge stories with an insecure low self esteem FL, they start out really defensive, angsty / edgy, and then mellow out as they receive love. but our FL is reasonable, even-tempered and logical - that her emotional "insecurity" in regards to being tethered to people around her is mostly rooted in her own "seeing is believing" mentality and understanding, somewhat sympathetically, why people wouldn't / don't like her, and she doesn't really take it to heart.

what's funny is that even when people are subtly showing adoration and love for her, she doesn't know how to take it to heart, and she gets uncomfortable and awkward about it. not in a usually fluffy "this is so moving that i cant respond sensibly" way, the way most loved FLs usually pass by as a marker to Growth, but because it puts her in an awkward situation and she doesn't know what to do about it. she gets a little embarrassed but doesn't overreact, because she probably doesn't realise the depth of their affection and doesn't attribute it to herself directly, but rather by other people's kindness. multiple times she's been surprised at when someone (who didn't before but has now warmed up to her) responds kindly to her inquiries, and while i understand her surprise, it's still funny and a little sad to me that she was prepared to take it in stride if people STILL didn't like her after all the ways she's benefitted them.

in other words pereshati you're my queen and i love you. literally who would not love her. her ease and understanding at being distrusted makes her ironically easier to trust because she doesn't hold anything against you and understand that you need to form your own judgement, even if it doesn't turn out well for her. literally who is doing it like her. queen

[vee-lociraptor]

@james-spooky had to get out my laptop for this one /pos. im so sorry if you notice the pattern where several of these are indeed written by my mutuals. my mutuals are really good writers i cannot help this. i will not be tagging any of them because im about to be so cringe on main about their work. under the cut because i accidentally rambled

SupposedToBeWriting on ao3 (organchordsandlightning on tumblr) is really good!! she has a very good characterization of both john and arthur (from what i know she usually portrays them platonically) and she describes things beautifully :) i hear really good things about her writing in general but in particular i have bookmarked - A Light in the Dark (set in s1, coma arthur) - alike and together (spoilers for part 29, very much love this one) - The Alleyway Monster (set vaguely part 6) - A Body Divided (crossover with the monstrous agonies podcast, which i do not know, but very silly and i enjoy it)

WordsINeedToGetOut on ao3 (gayghostrights on tumblr) also has great depictions of arthur and john and writes them more as like. not romantic not platonic not qpr but a secret fourth thing. very fun to read. they have some good sfw fic but if nsfw isnt your thing (and it very much is. not mine) mind their tags. - i specifically follow their "a family found and made" series it's. so nice. it's post canon but an au of sorts so there's not really spoilers - what does and does not fit (post-part 43 john doe poem im Very Normal about (i met him because i was being feral about it)) - again. please mind his tags.

dearcaspian on ao3 (lighthouseshepard on tumblr) is an absolutely phenomenal writer and i am not biased about this at all. please trust. in all seriousness his prose reads like poetry it's so nice to get to read it every time. i know waltz already recommended it but take it as peer review because no sweeter innocence is mind altering. i read all like 28,000 words of it at the time in one go at two in the morning kind of mind altering. (visibly shaking) it's. really good - other than that they write really good separate bodies jarthur fic that makes me feral - i dont even have specific recommendations all of it makes me sick. go forth. some of it is on his tumblr go get it. - i LIED a kind of quiet holy makes me more sick than a lot of the rest of it. call me touch starved if you want but i will say that on main

safe_ship_habored on ao3 (izel-scribbles on tumblr) only has a few works and mostly writes dollins at this point but they're really good! i think they've posted some exclusively on tumblr? can't think of anything specific right now but ik i've read the most toothaching john and arthur fluff /pos from them

i don't want to talk about this one. lea's going to see it. im going to do it anyway because it is my favorite malevolent fic and i feel you should know about it. there is a fic and it's on tumblr and it's called when the land was godless and free. it is by percymawce-arts and ananxiousgenz on tumblr. i am insane about it. it is a cowboy au and it is somewhat suggestive (moaning making out sort of thing) but the prose is so so good. the characterization and the way they translate malev characters into a western cowboy setting is phenomenal. it has catholic guilt in it. it has yearning. it's romantic jarthur and if it's not your thing i get it but percy and lea both really cooked on this one. i know i've posted about it on tumblr before. i am so aware that one of the authors is my mutual now lea don't look.

i am rambling so hard right now i have more. im not even done. im so sorry - styrofoamdoor (ao3 and tumblr) has a noel character study on their ao3 account and it's so good and i am thinking about it always. it's set post-episode 40. - ETA, never change by green_tea_and_honey SO silly and goofy and yet. also serious somehow. au where arthur has a phone and john messes around with it - come, wayward souls is also by green_tea_and_honey and i havent read it yet but it IS an over the garden wall crossover and i love that show so much - kiss me better is the only work i've read by SeerOfTime but i hear really good things about their malevolent fic so i will definitely be checking them out in the future

[catscidr]

«grip on your top is so tight you think he might even rip it, god knows the last time he had to trim his nails» 😭😭❤️‍🔥

I've always wondered how Zandik's hygiene is. I'm sure he doesn't give a shit about it. The only thing he cares about is the mechanisms. And how do you think 500 years ago students washed at sumeru?

you’ve come to the right person nonnie i love elaborating about seemingly boring and mundane details lemme ramble for a hot second (￣^￣ )ゞ

-> i talked about what i think his shaving habits would be like a couple of weeks ago (here). i think he would be less inclined to shave as an akademiya student than when he’s “Prime” because he just has.... so much to do, so little time. as a young adult he does grow a decent amount of facial hair (not enough for a full beard though i think), and as much as he dislikes having it, he doesn’t really bother to shave it unless it starts to get on his nerves. like, if he’s head-first into machinery and he keeps rubbing his stubble on the metal...... he’ll get back to his dorm room and quickly shave off the annoying stubble lol. but he doesn't shave it regularly, no. he doesn't gaf about his appearance, really, so doesn't care enough to have a routine

(naturally i like to think there's dorms in the akademiya LOL a shame genshin doesn't expand on living spaces other than just a couple of houses here and there sadge ˙◠˙ )

-> i like to think he’s a heavy nail biter to make up for having barely ever touched a nail file/clipper in his life. it helps him focus sometimes when he's locked tf in. some of his nails are less affected than others, like his pinky fingernails. even though they're all mostly dull, cracked or bitten off there’s definitely potential for him to scratch someone if he truly wanted to. and i'm sure he’d just rips his nails off when they got in the way of whatever research he's doing..

-> but boy oh BOY best for last. i think that they would maybe handwash their clothes in a tub/basin with soap, or if they don't have anything of the sort they could go up north to sumeru city and wash their clothes in the river.

.......but at the same time they did have akasha terminals (going off dottore's vague lore timeline because greater lord rukkhadevata created the akasha system and died around 500 years ago, so im assuming maybe dottore would have been in the akademiya when she died? but my brain hurts thinking about the possibilities so lets assume they all had akasha systems when he was enrolled lol)....... so maybe they had the technology to create basic washing machines (maybe something like this?)

though i'm sure he wouldn't bother himself with a proper hygiene routine, probably only washing himself and his uniform when it got dirty enough (which was probably often anyways) (and i'm sure the akademiya would basically just dresscode him if he showed up to class with soot and oil all over him, too)

and i like to think that maybe the akademiya dorms would have communal bathrooms/"showers" as well. but at the same time it's a super prestigious school so they could have individual bathrooms for each dorm room...... but at the same time² we're talking about 500 years ago........ so............. hmm..............................

in general he's more focused on research and conducting experiments n getting results, so being spotless would be the least of his worries. if he ended up getting sick as a result of his less-than-socially-acceptable hygiene he'd probably just use it as learning experience and use that knowledge for future experiments, like on his eleazar patients in that abandoned hospital. he'd do the bare minimum to Not get sick, has to dedicate as much time as he can in the akademiya to study forbidden knowledge. can't be bedridden with a fever, that's for pussies and he's Not a pussy... probably his daily affirmation. "i'm not a pussy, i am better than everyone. they all suck ass and i'm an alpha". yeah anyways

but WHATEVER!!!!!! tl;dr: he's a grimy little guy and reeks of blood sometimes but its ok we love him either way♡

[slasherflicks999]

BEN MY BELOVED 😍😍😍😍 ……BENloved? yes……

FIIIIINALLY made an actual proper design for him after eons of not being able to get his outfit right guys are we proud….. i always had a vague idea of it i just could never execute it properly LMAO

I LOVE HIIIIIIIIMMMMM did you guys know

i also almost forgot his freckles as i do literally every single time i draw him despite the fact ive been drawing him covered in freckles since i was like 14 ummmm its fine i remembered eventually 😍

more rambles and yapping about him in my au after the break :3 again… I YAP A LOT. like seriously. i really could talk about him all day tbh

but first surprise doodle HEHEHEH

moving on… lets talk about his design a little to start off bcccc look at it it’s the first thing you’ve seen obvi (and bc im doing this in a similar format to my oc slasher’s post where i ramble about the design then character and personality stuff then whatever else yay!)

now. you may be looking at him and going “woah he is COLORFUL!” yes he is! i think having him be colorful is fun but beyond that like… ok u need some context first: in my au he’s not stuck in the cartridge anymore which i will elaborate on later, but likeee i still had to give him some nods to his LoZ origins other than just making him blonde and giving him elf ears and green clothes without literally making him the world’s most dedicated link cosplayer. love his cosplay era you go queen but i just feel like MY version wouldn’t be in it after he gets out of the cartridge (again will explain more later) bc he figured maybe he should be his own person a little bit. and idk if yall knew this but… zelda games get pretty colorful!

that being said i still wanted to have an itty bitty nod to it thrown in there so if you look on his jacket those fun little doohickeys on one of the sides are the colors of the spikes on the side of majora’s mask in game :3 i also gave him his little hoop earrings like adult link has because cmon. he’s gotta have em. and beyond just that he also has the green hair and like… idk what to call em, those fun little ball jointed doll looking joints i see people draw canon arg BEN with because i like them and since he’s sort of a merging of canon behavioral event network BEN and a more “fanon” version of him i wanted to nod back to it a little

beyond that he’s just a lot more generally technology inspired, like he’s literally wearing wires as accessories and those semi-transparent bits are supposed to look like the inner membrane of a keyboard! (saw some guy make shoes out of those once and said “oh i gotta use that idea” so i did :3) idk i just wanted him to look fun and like he eats circuit boards. he doesn’t but like… he’s definitely thought about it once

anyway MOVING PAST ME YAPPING ABOUT MY DESIGN THOUGHT PROCESS let’s talk about what he’s actually like!

i feel like it’s pretty often i see people make him either totally spooky or totally silly but you see…. i enjoy both…. so….. :3 let’s see if i can merge the two

generally when writing any of the pastas i try my best to write them ALL to be more or less morally gray largely bc i think it makes them more interesting than just making them all automatically evil just because they’re meant to be horror characters/murderers. idk i feel like it adds more complexity not only to them as individuals but also dynamics and makes them feel more like actual characters than static entities that jump out at you and go BOO! or on the other side of the spectrum anime twinks. staring directly at the 2010s fandom LMAOOO /lh

WITH THAT BEING SAID! he is definitely not a saint in any sense of the word like whatsoever but he also is not super evil. like he’s not always gonna have good intentions but at the same time he’s not entirely heartless and does genuinely care about some people yk?? he’s not walking around punching old ladies or anything but is he gonna go out of his way to be particularly nice to you? hell no he’s not! not unless he REEEEEALLY cares about you/likes you but even then you might not be able to tell LMAO it depends it depends

even then at the end of the day he is more or less a demonic entity and LITERALLY feeds off of negative emotions/energy, like he will become genuinely exhausted if he doesn’t torment tf out of someone for a while, he doesn’t just do that shit for funsies, he needs to or else he will feel like total shit. just so bad. not to say he doesn’t gain ANY enjoyment out of it at all but like that’s not his main motivation.

that’s the thing that makes him different from a lot of other pastas too, his method of killing isn’t anything physical, he just literally torments the living shit out of people until they kick the bucket themselves. at this point he’s rather numb to and detached from it, but i imagine it definitely disturbed him quite a bit when he was figuring out that he had to do it to keep himself satiated essentially. he definitely freaked himself out quite a lot when he was freshly dead like yeah he was angry and vengeful but like… he was also kinda just a scared little kid who got stuck in a video game and saw himself as a monster for a few years guys 💔💔 probably still kinda does view himself like that in many ways. my shaylaaa…

speaking of let’s talk about his LORE :3

first of all present day he is 19. but he’s dead! you shout. yes he is! kinda! lemme explain:

well first and foremost for all intents and purposes he IS dead. but he’s also not JUST a ghost. remember how i mentioned him being demonic? yeah i wasn’t exaggerating about that LOL, plus if he WAS just a ghost he wouldn’t need anything to keep himself satiated like he does with energy

when he died he ended up being the moon children’s first successful instance of actual digitization… key word being SUCCESSFUL. they had tried the same thing before with others, but their actual souls ended up not being able to entirely make it through the process, with some not getting through at all and others being sort of fragmented with only the scraps of what they used to be remaining. even so, all of their heartbreak and pain and anguish and rage they felt in response to their deaths (and probably even whatever they had experienced in life) ended up forming its own makeshift demonic entity. it was all sorts of unstable and constantly seemed to be searching for more and more energy to even keep itself together, but it didn’t have anything to truly attach itself to that make it much more than just a mass of jumbled up energies desperately trying to survive. until ben died. then it had something it could keep itself alive with. it had a body, more or less. something more tangible and stable than just… fragments.

this ended up being what turned ben lowercase into BEN uppercase! it also… came with lots of side effects.

we already talked about how he needs to keep getting negative energy to keep his literal energy up, but this sort of fusion also made him a LOT more powerful than he was supposed to be. he’s essentially fueled on spite LOL but besides that he also was able to literally warp a lot of the game to his will (not entirely, but he wasn’t supposed to be able to change anything at all), the soul fragments gave him the ability to control his aging and parts of his appearance more or less (he can appear as practically any age he wants but mentally ages normally, though he really doesn’t do much with that and just lets himself age normally because he kind of doesn’t wanna stay a weird little middle schooler forever LMAO. his ability to control his appearance is also pretty much entirely out of his control until he escapes the cartridge though, before that he can only really change how his eyes look and his general spookiness though even that was and still is mostly connected to his emotional/mental state.)

he also suddenly gets VERY good at just… understanding how people work in general. he gets really good at the whole manipulation and torment thing really quickly to the point where it even starts to freak himself out a bit (sort of like i mentioned before.) he tries not to dwell on that for too long though. he does his best to get used to himself now even if he really did not like how he turned out at first.

but anyway shortly after all this happens and BEN figures out he needs to really fuck with people to feel at least kind of okay, the cartridge began having so many horrible mental effects on anyone who was even AROUND it that eventually they just had to throw the thing out as a sort of “failed experiment” which explains how it eventually got into the hands of jadusable who posted about it and that in turn essentially opened a door for BEN to get out.

this was great for him in many ways! freedom yippee yippee freedom! he was much, MUCH less limited in his abilities now and had a lot easier access to new people to torment which generally had him feeling a lot better energy-wise and eventually made him a lot less aggressive since he wasn’t essentially hangry and exhausted 24/7. that being said… he was still trapped in the cartridge for about 3 years. that does things to a person. especially since he was so young.

he has a LOT of trauma from it, which is another reason i didn’t go with the link cosplay route for his design beyond just i wanted to give him a personality outside of just loving zelda games (although let’s be honest it probably is still a special interest of his (YES HES AUTISTIC because i am autistic and me and him are like this 🤞🏻)) he was literally STUCK looking like that which is the main reason he gave himself his own wardrobe basically the second he could, because he still loves link and the LoZ games and all but he didn’t wanna feel stuck like that anymore. it made him feel trapped and lose his sense of self a little bit so he was like “yeah i gotta get a different outfit.”

it also definitely made him a control freak. if he doesn’t have at least a good amount of control over a situation it sort of freaks him out and gives him that same sort of trapped, helpless feeling. he gets a little better with it as he grows but that never really goes away, he hates feeling powerless in any situation which i think also helped him come to terms with the whole tormenting people thing, because it made him feel like he had power over something and it still does even if there’s a lot more he has control of now. this is also why he’s not technically a proxy, because he doesn’t want slender to have that control over him, it makes him feel weird. he still hangs around and is civil with him, he just doesn’t wanna actually work for him. he’s his own boss 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

he doesn’t really like to talk about his life before his death all that much though. all that anyone seems to know is he didn’t have a great childhood after a certain age and he just doesn’t wanna talk about it, which of course nobody questioned because almost all the pastas had at least somewhat traumatic childhoods LMAO

anyway! now that a lot of the more serious lore shit is out of the way time for me to just mindlessly throw shit out there about him because!! i love him!!!! fun facts fun facts!!!

- first of all agender he/it/they BEN is real in this house. and gay aroace BEN. and autistic BEN as previously mentioned. he doesn’t know if this is because of the soul fragments thing but he really could not care less about how he presents his gender for the most part, all he knows is he generally presents masculine bc it’s sort of his default :3

- he also still def loves video games! he’s even played through majora’s mask a couple times to try and help himself get over his trauma around it (though it takes him a long time to actually get through it now) he kinda hates that his trauma still prevents him from loving it as much as he used to :(( but at least he can play the other zelda games mostly fine which he’s glad about

- he purrs. that’s it that’s the whole thing he purrs. well he generally acts like a cat in a lot of ways for some reason like his ears moving and stuff but i think the best thing is that he purrs bc it’s just so funny to me. he definitely tries not to do it in front of anyone but has probably slipped up once or twice and promptly retreated into the nearest computer for a week or so because he was so mortified LMAO. very cat coded one of my own cats reminds me of him a little bc she’s sassy will act like she doesn’t care about you but then will purr up a storm if you scratch her in the right spot while she’s comfy. love her. they would get along great

- he is SO COLD. ALL THE TIME. he’s used to it by now but if you were to touch him it would be like touching a corpse laying outside on a late autumn evening or something like he does not know warmth. he does love blankets and warm things bc of that though. if he likes you enough to give you a hug he WILL be latched on like a leech just to take all ur body heat

- he can still eat and drink and sleep if he wants to but he doesn’t have to, like i said he runs off of negative emotions so all that other stuff is just a fun little bonus if he feels like it

-his colors will desaturate a good amount and he’ll start to glitch out quite a bit if he gets too low on energy, along with just being generally irritable and overstimulated

-he also just… glitches sometimes for no reason. any time he stutters or stumbles over his words he doesn’t actually stutter, just glitches. sneeze? glitch. got jumpscared by a bug? glitch. trying not to laugh? glitch. little things like that. along with just when he’s feeling really strong emotions (especially negative ones ofc)

- he actually does like nature a lot! it sort of helps him feel a lot more connected to reality outside of just the internet and technology and whatnot, plus he just finds it kind of peaceful in a way he can’t really get from hanging out in a digital void. maybe it’s the energy of the plants and animals or something

- he also enjoys music a lot :3 all sorts, though he does like electronica and hardcore stuff the most

-i cant lie…. he would definitely scream at people over COD. his temper isn’t AS short as it used to be but likeeee… he’s broken a few controllers 😔 he’s not really the yelling type at all otherwise though

-he’s like 5’7 ish by default. he can change that if he REALLY wanted to but he doesn’t see the point in wasting the energy if he can just float a couple inches above the ground anyway. plus he got his heels on so even if he does stand on the ground he gave himself a couple more inches of height :3 me too me too

-he does still cry blood! happens the most when he’s pissed off or trying to look scary but it will happen if he’s genuinely sad and like legit crying too

-he won’t let many people know it but he’s really claustrophobic (it means he’s afraid of santa claus 😯☝️ /ref) definitely scared of large bodies of water as well but that one’s more well known because…. he did DROWN. actually just realizing i didn’t mention his actual drowning much but anyway i feel like that would have less of a daily impact on him than the rest of his trauma anyway. stills definitely there but doesn’t directly impact him in as many ways

-my au probably takes place in like the mid-late 2000s but if it was in the modern day he would totally say shit like “chat am i cooked” or “that’s so sigma” in real situations on accident

i could talk about him literally for hours upon hours but im gonna stop here before i give myself an aneurysm LMAOOO thank you so much for reading all my nonsense rambles if you did!! :D very very much appreciated i WILL be posting more about him in the future hehe

i hope anyone who read this far enjoyed!! :D i definitely had fun writing hehe but im so tired and i now have to go to BED😭😭😭 thank you so much again tumblr for letting me yap🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

[mediocreanomaly]

i'm so normal. can i request a part 2 to the knives/reader soulmate au? im just so curious how it'd go, hdjdjnd

Authors Note: Non-Normal Knives kisser spotted.

Kidding! yes of course I shall make you a pt.2 (guys am I the Trigun Soulmate guy now? I'm not complaining it's just a bit funny to me, let me infect you with Trigun soulmate au now...)

*Not NSFW but a slightly "spicy" scene at the end (jesus I'm old do people still say spicy unironically? guys I mean it ironically I swear-)*

Read Part 1 Here!

Knives X Reader Soulmate AU Pt.2

•It's a painstaking process, both literally and metaphorically, as Knives recovers

•You feel awful. Your body vaguely burns everywhere, Knives is incapacitated, and the fact it's Legato who sits like a hawk watching over the two of you not yet trusting of your intentions doesn't exactly ease any of your stress

•It's a bit tedious dodging the blue haired mans constant questioning not quite ready to say "hey you know the most feared man in all of Gunsmoke who hates the idea of soulmates is actually my soulmate?" yeah sounds awful.

•So you sit dutifully day and night rewrapping wounds and running your fingers through Knives's hair appreciating that he at least seems to heal much quicker than humans do so hopefully this aching burn will subside quickly

•When he finally wakes up it's, of course, the one time you leave the room to go get something to eat. You almost imagine the dammed plant planned this even though you know it's not the case

•You stand in the door way...saying nothing. The two of you had become close before, was close the right word? but now you felt awkward and out of place watching Knives' cold blue eyes stare a hole into you

"Legato says you haven't left my side" he says, it's more of a statement than a question but you'll bite

"Yes." You say simply, not making a move as if dealing with a wild animal that's ready to pounce

"Why?" He's searching you as if looking for something or...no he's watching you like he's waiting to catch you in a lie

"I think you already know" Is all you can manage. You stay still, waiting for sharpness of metal, you just hope it'll be quick. You weren't stupid, you knew Knives didn't want a soulmate, so there wasn't much to do than to accept the fate the universe had laid out for you. You close you eyes and wait....and wait....and- wasn't he going to kill you?

You peek your eyes open to see Knives watching you with a furrowed brow. You have to admit he looks oddly cute like this despite the fact your life is most certainly in danger.

He stares, as if perplexed by you then scoffs

"This is ridiculous. I'd never be bound to a human like you" he states, you just nod not sure what to do until he sits up straight in bed

"Come, inform me of what's happened while I was asleep"

You aren't stupid enough to try and push the matter or point out the fact he was a little worse off than "asleep" so you just sit on the side of the bed with him, giving him what little information you know.

•After that he begins to talk about his new plans. You listen intently, letting him ramble on about this new era he's planning to usher in

•and if he begins to stray from the topic, if he begins to go on about the Ja'lai incident, or about how he really thought Vash would understand...don't bring any attention to it, your slowly beginning to understand there's a reason he trust you with these things even if he won't say it out loud

•Speaking of which...he won't say anything about the "soulmate" matter out loud. Not now anyways, not yet. He's not sure why but...he can't bring himself to kill you and it scares him. He isn't used to sparing lives besides his brothers and even then his forms of punishment are a lot more severe than what he's willing to do to you

•Not that he didn't contemplate taking a limb or letting you see how sharp his knives can really be but there'd be no point really he'd only be hurting himself (at least that's what he tells himself)

•He's also...a bit protective of you now. Even though he still refuses to say to anyone, including you, that you're his soulmate he does make vague mentions of it when you try to leave and he says something along the lines of

"No you can't leave. If you were to get hurt it'd be inefficient for me"

•(aw he likes you!)

•He begrudgingly lets you begin working again because there was a reason he allowed you to stay with his team in the first place, although if his hovering around your work place was bad before it's 10x worse now

•You are met with the sight of his chest every time you turn around and you have to shyly look up to the piercing gaze that's trained on you like a predator

•eventually you get him to back up a little bit by telling him if you spill any chemicals on him it'll just burn the both of you although he still stands in the corner watching your every move

•In all...don't expect him to be all lovely dovey...yet. Although...

You stand absent mindedly as you look over your work. This formula was driving you nuts and the constant feeling of being watched wasn't exactly helping. You lean down placing your hands on the table scanning over the papers messily sprawled over your desk when you feel a strong pair of hands at your hips.

It takes everything in you not to yelp, only for that feeling to turn into you trying not to moan when teeth nip at the shell of your ear. Knives body is pressed against your back, strong and solid, god you were either touch starved or the soulmate connection was doing wonders because he'd barley even touched you and you felt like you were unraveling. He pushes you forwards slightly forcing you to hold your most your weigh with your arms as you shudder. He's trapping you against the table, mouth trailing down to harshly nip along your throat, right hand running up your side and his left hand is moving to-

he pulls away.

You're breathless. You glance up at him, and if the amused smirk on his face is anything to go by, you look like just as much of a mess as you feel.

"I fixed your formula for you"

you glance down and sure enough...the numbers you had been mulling over all day had been fixed in the matter of...minutes? Seconds?

You watch dumbfounded as Knives strolls away as if nothing happened, even thought the blush painting your face and the bruises beginning to blossom against your neck are more than enough proof

•That's the thing, the universe never prepares you for your soulmate being an asshole. That's okay though, two can play at that game.

[elysias-realm]

haaaaaai elysia ໒꒰ྀི ^ ⸝⸝ ^ ꒱ྀིა hope ur day / night has been lovely 2 u <3 🌼 , 🌸 & 🪷 for the ask game !!

hi hiii !! ty for the ask（＾∇＾）my day has been pretty good so far, i think my sickness is finally starting to go away so thats a huge win for me lolol. hope your days been great too !!（＾_＾）

will be answering for my jjk dr and whichever s/o comes to mind (๑>◡<๑) (spoiler alert, i did all three for all three…) this unexpectedly got super long so sorry it took a while to respond. this was super fun i loved the opportunity to ramble about my favourite idiots ♡

OKAY FIRST OF ALL here’s a quick relationship chart so you know whos dating who. its not super necessary but i feel like the visual reminder might help some of my tangents make sense. i rarely draw them so i havent perfected translating how they look yet but its good enough i think

ANYWAY onto the questions <3

🌼 : BEAUTIFUL BLOSSOM . . . what do you find most beautiful about your significant other(s)? what about that aspect of them is so beautiful to you? and in turn what do they believe the most beautiful thing about you is? why do they think that way?

head in hands trying to think about how to answer this without sounding ridiculously sappy and down bad (im going to fail) im also going to have to kill the part of me that cringes and the evil voice inside my head saying it’s egotistical to acknowledge my partners are equally down bad. anyway here we go

first of all the thing about suguru is that hes the loverboy ever i think if he was asked to only name one thing he found beautiful about me he would explode and die from indecisiveness. he’s mentally waxing poetics about me whenever he sees me and thinking about me every time he can vaguely assign whatever song he’s listening to me. i’m not sure what he’d find the most beautiful about me. the first thing he noticed would’ve probably been my eyes, they might be my most striking feature actually, but i think it wasn’t just the colours of them that stood out to him but how expressive they were. if i didn’t feel like i needed to hide my feelings and put on a mask then i wouldnt and the authenticity and the way i wore my heart on my sleeve, especially when we first met, was definitely a huge factor in what initially charmed him.

though now i think about it… he thinks i’m most beautiful when i’m passionate about something. when there’s a spark in my eyes and i’m clearly excited as i ramble about anything and everything that’s caught my interest, if it’s a new manga i like or something to do with my endless hobbies. he’s just woefully endeared and part of him thinks that he could listen to me talk for an eternity and wouldn’t have any real complaints. realistically after hours of me talking at him he’d end up kissing me to shut me up, but he’s also a romantic at heart and thinks “would let me talk his ear off until the sun explodes” sounds more romantic so he’ll mentally stick with that initial response

as for what i think is most beautiful about him… i’m going to have to be corny for a second and say his smile, but specifically his genuine one. don’t get me wrong, all of his expressions are beautiful and even when he’s trying to win the ‘best at masking’ competition he’s pretty, but i love when he’s genuinely happy and showing off one of his real smiles instead of the one he slaps on just to be polite. i also love his laugh, and i think he’s realised a long time ago that i’ve made it my personal mission to get as many genuine smiles and laughs out of him as humanly possible. he’s just so prettyyy i can’t help it i love seeing him happy

i also love his hair, but specifically when it’s down. it’s not that i dislike it when it’s tied up, but i have a certain fondness for it when he doesn’t bother with that and it’s made obvious how long it is and how he takes such good care of it

for satoru… i hate to go on a tangent about how pretty he is but he is so pretty. like annoyingly pretty and he knows it and the confidence makes it so much more annoyingly attractive i HATE him (<- i say, like a liar) anyway the most obvious answer would probably be his eyes, they’re absolutely gorgeous in a way i can’t quite describe and it’s almost like they’re kaleidoscopes of blue but more than his eyes i think the stupid cocky and amused expression whenever he notices me staring is prettier. it shouldnt be i should find it annoying but i love that cocky grin of his and even more than that i love the smaller and softer pleased smile he gets when hes caught off guard by whatever sappy shit came out of my own mouth. truthfully i think he’s most beautiful in the softer moments, when he has his head in my lap and i can’t help but be reminded of a cat when he gets such a pleased expression on his face while i play with his ridiculously soft hair. he’s pretty all the time, but i think he’s most beautiful during the domestic moments where he gets to ignore the weight of being gojo for a little while and just be satoru.

as for when he finds me most beautiful, it’s honestly probably in the midst of battle. there’s something about the way i almost lose myself in the thrill of a fight that he just finds captivating. if asked, he’d probably just shrug and say it’s hot, even if it leads to an annoyed scolding and pinch on the cheek, but truthfully he finds the display of strength oddly comforting. sometimes it feels like he clings onto me and suguru being his equals like a lifeline, and i think he likes the reminder that being the strongest doesn’t mean being lonely, and there’s still people who can keep up with him.

i think another thing he loves is my kindness. soft smiles and words of reassurance, the way people are just drawn to me. he himself is a kind person and i’ll argue that he is until the day i die but there’s a sense of clumsiness to it, the way his words aren’t sugarcoated and come across a bit too harsh and blunt. early on he came across as rude more often than not, because even if he was well-meaning there wasn’t always enough care to fully display it, and even when the care was there he didn’t exactly know the best way to show it, having never needed to filter his words before, and having never really wanted to either. overtime he’s definitely softened around the edges, and truthfully i’ve always admired the way he doesn’t beat around the bush, but in the same way i admire his blunt attitude he’s always admired the ease of which i can comfort others with my presence and the way kind words with soft tones just comes naturally to me.

shoko shoko shoko… where do i even start with her ? her eyes remind me of honey when the sun hits them just right, and i can’t count how many times i’ve been in awe of the fact that i’m the model between the two of us. she’s witty, and she never fails to make me laugh with her dry sense of humour and sarcastic comments. whenever satoru and suguru get a bit too caught up in their own little world she’s a steady presence by my side who’s always willing to make playful jabs at them, uncaring if satoru acts all dramatic and scandalised when he overhears. i love her laugh and how pleased she looks whenever she (quite easily) gets a laugh out of me and i love the glint in her eyes she gets when she goes mad doctor mode while elbow deep in the guts of whatever curse i brought back for her to pick apart and dissect.

she’s confident and has this air of self assuredness that comes from nonchalance rather than ego and i find it stupidly attractive.

as for what she finds most beautiful… shes the type who is trying to hard to be a Chill Girl and win the idgaf war but she fails miserably when it comes to me she is just woefully endeared. from what ive noticed she likes me most when im doing anything she deems cute. she loves when im clingy and visit her in the infirmary whenever i get a chance, and how yaga’s made a habit of giving me and the guys spontaneous training sessions whenever she has to be whisked away to give some reckless sorcerer emergency healing because otherwise ill ignore the equations on the board to complain about how much i miss her and giving me an opportunity to beat something up and get beaten up in return is always the best distraction.

her nonchalant demeanour broke with the flustered expression she got when she heard about that for the first time, and it still makes her heart warm whenever she’s reminded of it and how happy i looked when she came back and mentioned how she was looking for us (or more specifically me, she’d joked it was nice to get away from satoru and suguru for a while and it almost diverged into bickering if it wasn’t for me distracting them by pointing out that i wasn’t included in the list of people she wants to get away from, a fact i was very proud of and a fact satoru and suguru had endless fun teasing her about). she loves how physically affectionate i am and how pleased i always look whenever she indulges and throws an arm around me in return

and ive noticed the habit of mine that always made her heart skip a beat was during her smoker era (because she does eventually quit) and how despite knowing she could always heal herself afterwards, and how really between the two of us im more reckless with my health considering how quick i am to throw myself in front of a curse, i’d always scold her telling her to look after herself more and give her a teasing grin as i’d swap her cigarette out for a lollipop. she just loved the little prideful smile i’d have on my face when she’d cave in and put the cigarette away and while she doesn’t have much of a sweet tooth, and she would go as far as to say i’m the only sweet thing she even likes, she’s too enamoured by my efforts to find the perfect flavour for her to not at least try as they get progressively more obscure every time.

prideful little grins and how pleased with myself i look when i get my way, and how my face lights up whenever i see her are probably her favourites out of the expressions i have, and part of her thinks she’d indulge my stupid whims for the rest of our lives if only so i could keep smiling at her like that

🌸 : COMPASSIONATE CHERRY BLOSSOM . . . has your significant other(s) gotten you anything that has become really meaningful to you? have you gotten them something that has become really meaningful to them? when was the gift(s) given? what is the story behind them? have you scripted it as an object you have in your current reality so you feel more connected to them?

hmmm gift giving isn’t really our main love language so there isn’t much that particularly sticks out but ill try mention the first that come to mind. suguru gave me some of his pokemon cards when we were little, and when we were a bit older he won me some cute plushies at an arcade so those were cute and have always had a special place in my heart even before i realised why i was so attached. im not sure if anything ive given him sticks out but back to the pokemon cards i did give him some of mine in exchange and i know he still holds onto those. most of the gifts given between us are sweets and desserts he gets on his way back from missions so its hard to think of actual items

as for satoru, the first meaningful gift that comes to mind is the digimon card packs i got for him the first birthday he had since meeting me. he’d gotten really into digimon before i met him and i noticed him eyeing my pokemon card collection but i also knew he was a HATER bc we always bicker over which series is better (suguru’s the go-to middleman bc he likes the whole monster collecting genre in general. he sides with me more though so i think he has a favourite and i dont mean me) anyway as much as it pained me on principle i decided to buy him a couple of card packs and a binder so he could start a collection, and used a lottt of luck to make sure he’d be happy with the ones he got lol.

truthfully i hadn’t even put all that much thought into that specific gift, i’d been angsting over what to get him and ended up buying them on a whim because i was reminded of him eyeing my card collection when i came across a few packs in a store and when it was time to actually give it to him i was lowkey (highkey) nervous he’d think it was lame or smth idk or like it wouldnt be meaningful enough, which is funny because he liked it a lot and was quick to be a major nerd about it. despite collecting for different series it started a tradition of us buying cards together which is fun, he came to really enjoy the process of hoping for whatever card he wanted, and eventually going online to buy the stubborn rare ones he had an eye on

for gifts he gave me, technically there’s a lot because once we got into a committed relationship he started to insist on me using his card when i go shopping, but as for meaningful there’s a couple rings he had custom made for me that are so so pretty. like absolutely gorgeous and so thoughtful ?? like you can just tell how much thought went into them and how he made sure it fits with the kind i like to wear and personally like.

aaand finally shoko !! i know shes gifted me some cute stuff over the years but i can’t think of any right now </3 other than snacks i like whenever she goes shopping… as for what ive given her, i love love love to bring various trinkets and knickknacks back for her whenever i go on missions, esp longer ones. idk i like to remind her that im thinking about her while shes stuck in the morgue. she treasures all of them buuut i think the gift she finds the most meaningful was a custom hand-made knife i made for her. she’s not a combatant and there’s theoretically no need for her to have a weapon but i wanted to make sure that if it came to it she had something to defend herself with. usually its on display, bc not to toot my own horn but its gorgeous, but she’s pretty skilled at using it if she needs to and likes to have it on her

i haven’t really bothered to script in anything from my cr like that. it’s definitely a super cute idea and i love when people do that but i’ve never really felt compelled to personally do it. i can’t really think of anything i own that i’d actively want them to give me and i don’t really need any more connection enough to go out of my way to find something

🪷 : LOVELY LOTUS . . . do you and your significant other(s) do any "cheesy" stuff? like having matching pajamas, matching halloween costumes, and picnic dates? or building the flower legos, cooking together, baking together?

do we… i wouldn’t call it tradition per say, but we’re always down for matching halloween costumes when the perfect idea comes to mind, whether its a duo costume between two of us or a full group costume between all four. matching trinkets are another one, we have phone charms, keychains, bracelets etc, some bought and some won at arcades. we don’t always display these, some are tucked away along with other miscellaneous memorable items, but the knowledge that it’s there and treasured is enough

for other cheesy things… i’ve definitely persuaded them into matching profile pictures on our social media accounts at some point and they’ve always been indulgent of my silly whims like that, even if they will half heartedly complain and tease me over it. we don’t go out of our way to get matching pjs, maybe if satoru finds a pair thats funny he’ll nag me or suguru into matching with him but i wouldnt really call it a tradition, instead i’ve stolen half their wardrobes and will shamelessly wear their shirts to bed because its COMFY dammit

me and suguru cook together on occasion, but it’s usually left as a solo job, and while i suppose satoru begging to be a taste tester whenever im in the mood to bake could count if you squint a bit, ‘baking together’ is actually more of a friendship thing i share with nanami, we found it’s a useful way of keeping the early-life crisis away

another thing is that satoru loves games, video games unsurprisingly but also board games, and i grew up in a family that had board games as our number one family reunion activity and with a mother who needed some way of keeping me entertained during long road trips so the two of us were very quick to drag suguru and shoko (and sometimes our extended friend group, but oftentimes its just a way of spending time as the four of us) into game nights. sometimes it’s pulling out the wii and getting stupidly competitive over mario kart or wii sports, and sometimes it’s playing board games where we argue over the rules because satoru only knows the rules that are written down, suguru’s family has modified theirs a bit, my own family has changed and modified the rules in such an elaborate way over the generations that the game i grew up playing is drastically different from the one that comes out the box, and shoko thinks its funny if she can get away with cheating

OH and im not sure if this counts as cheesy but i’m including it anyway. during shoko’s smoker era suguru would sometimes accompany her to smoke and me and satoru don’t smoke ever bc we just don’t really enjoy it but what we hate more than cigarette smoke is being left out so it became a habit for me to carry around a box of pocky so we could tag along and snack on something while we wait for them. another thing is after realising we both have a sweet tooth, unlike suguru and shoko bc they’re LAME, me and satoru made it a tradition to check out various desserts places and sweet shops. originally it was just because nobody else was interested in going but it became a habit to make a day out of it and gossip, we are always the first to know each other’s family drama because of it

okay that got ridiculously long but whatever ive needed an excuse to ramble about them lol. thank u to whoevers decided to sit through my lovesick rambling ur a real one and here’s a link to the original ask game

[cindersnows]

ok @storgicdealer i started writing out a thing in your askbox and then lost it so im writing it in a post instead.

freevic ramblings

(...that kind of ended up turning into mangvic my bad)

ok so like. vic escapes the youtube video. and they find the freedom ad and instantly go into the outernet. theyre one of the first citizens of carteblan, and exactly the type of stick freedom had set out to help when he started a city in the outernet.

(for a little context; the original victim is still dead, as well as all her clones. in my hc/theory, the victim we know who starts rocket corp and lives in the outernet escaped from a youtube video after basically just living out his own death in a fucked up loop over and over until she gained sentience and decided to break out. she's like. a copy of the original victim. haha xerox of a xerox.)

in the beginning, most of the houses in carteblan are still being built, so vic ends up rooming with freedom. and they were roommates. they become friends pretty quickly and freedom tries to help vic come to terms with their trauma and stuff, (he doesn't know that vic escaped from the youtube video --- vic is insecure about being a copy so they lied and said they just survived the deletion and got to the outernet).

they both get happier together even after vic decides to move out and start their own company. freedom's happy that vic's moving on from what noogai did to them and becoming their own person (hahaaa if only he knewwww,,,). freedom also decides to support the company as it's the first proper organization thing to open up in the town and it's pretty useful! as carteblan grows, freedom gets officially appointed as mayor and rocket corp kind of becomes tied in with the government, giving them tech and stuff.

i don't think freedom and vic ever properly label their relationship as anything other than a friendship, though they do go on dates and stuff pretty frequently. its pretty queerplatonic actually. vic likes to spend time with freedom a lot because he makes it feel like a normal person, a good person who's doing what's right for society. for freedom, hanging out with vic is like a breath of fresh air, one of the few things that didn't change after he was given responsibility over and entire city of traumatized stickfigures.

sometimes vic has major depressive episodes where its difficult for him to do any work which makes him even more frustrated, and freedom is the only person she really considers close enough to help. they remind me of that one short where the couple text each other "feet pics" to get each other out of bed when they're sad.

honestly, when i think about it, i'm pretty sure freedom is the only person vic actually considers a friend. most other people she hangs out with, she only vaguely likes, and a lot of the time she has to pretend to like people for pr. (in my hc, their relationship with the mercs is purely transactional, and i doubt either party is looking for more.)

both freedom and vic have insecurities about their relationships with other people; freedom has gotten into multiple romantic relationships over the years, though none of them have really stuck, and he often feels like people only like him for his power. vic feels like that too, but with the added feeling of "if people knew the real me, they'd hate me". they lie to everyone, so they feel like everyone's lying to them in return, with the exception of freedom, who's only ever been honest (and vic convinces herself that she's not lying when she says she's happier now and that rocket corp is working for a good cause).

freedom's probably unsure about the idea of capturing chosen (and dark?) at first, but vic manages to convince him by talking about how many people have been hurt by them and lost their home websites/games because of them. the capture is left up to rocket corp alone, since it was their idea, and since by this point rocket corp is basically just the military but if it also sold household tech. freedom's proud of vic for taking the steps to help keep other people safe after vic has frequently beat themself up for acting 'selfishly'.

spoiler alert: freedom gets called to the rocket facility after a massive fight is reported and the place basically blows up, and finds the color gang + chodark + kingduo + the mercs + vic and several other workers all badly hurt with signs of them having gotten into a fight. freedom automatically takes vic's side, because those are two terrorists fighting against fucking Rocket Corp, of course he's going to assume vic's in the right here.

but then cg and kingduo explain the situation (including the torture and the interrogation and sutff), and while freedom doesn't want to believe it, vic refuses to answer when freedom asks if it's true, and freedom knows in his heart that vic was the 'villain' here.

freedom is just. extremely disappointed in vic. and vic in turn feels horrible, because she was convinced freedom would take her side, having seen the ugliest parts of her and accepting her regardless. but freedom thought that vic had moved on, that she no longer wanted revenge, that she was happier.

he can't bring himself to formally arrest vic, much to the protests of cg+kingduo+chodark. they're best friends, after all, and freedom knows from his experience with his own animator that hurt people hurt people. but vic still needs to face consequences, and freedom knows more than anyone else what would hurt vic the most. he strips vic of his power, removing him from the position of the ceo of rocket corp and saying the government is going to take full control of it.

he also says that he's going to completely cut contact with her.

this hurts vic more than anything else, being abandoned by the one person she considered a friend, close to a lifelong partner, all because of her own actions. even after mango and purple decide to help pick vic off hir feet and become a better person, vic spirals, shutting out everyone else and refusing to connect with anyone.

it's only when mango lets vic stay with him after she loses all her property, continuously being kind to them even after seeing what a horrible person they are (because he's been in their place), that vic starts to open up.

this DOES lead to vic beginning to put mango on a pedestal the same way he did with freedom, but i mean, people don't change THAT easily. it'll probably take a few talks with purple to help break the cycle, since purple also struggles with idolizing people (albeit in a different way). i could say So much about victim and purple helping each other become better people but this is so long and also that's off topic so that's a ramble for another day.

[poomphuripan]

how do you feel about the changes from the original source in episode 2? personally i love how much more screentime women get compared to the novel—the brother-sister dynamic they added was such a nice touch and showing more of Ming’s family life early on really humanizes him. i also like that sol’s motivation for rejecting joe is different. it kind of got into gay-for-you terrority sometimes 😭 sorry for the ramble!

okay nonnie so my current verdict is I'M IN LOVE but i'm also wary.

before this series was even out, i had MULTIPLE conversations with different people on managing expectations for a better experience watching my stand-in because any novel reader would know it's NOT an easy novel to adapt considering its source material. you need a fine balance on how to make the scum ml as terrible as the story needs him to be for the emotional payoff to be as satisfying as it did in the novel, while not to make him so terrible that he's irredeemable in the audience's eye (which i'm sure not all novel readers felt yan ming xiu had redeemed himself yet at the end).

watching the first and only trailer, my fears heightened because it definitely has a lot of sweet ming and joe scenes than i expected it to -> the impression i had then was that 'oh no they're going to softening up yan ming xiu and make him less callous towards zhou xiang' -> i told myself alright it's an adaptation, i will be happy if they just get the major PLOT points (as you can see my expectations bar were on the floor because i didn't wanna get my hopes up, that's how much i liked professional body double)

but so far, i think i've been loving the changes in this adaptation because it feels liket the same story but slightly different characterization and pacing.

so first let's talk about yan ming xiu aka ming. as i mentioned my fear of him being softened, i think that fear has gradually dissipated while we ease into ep 2 because i think the series does a GOOD job of recharacterizing yan ming xiu to fit with up poompat.

so a bit of !!!!!novel spoilers warning but not really because im being very vague about it!!!!! but i always felt like yan ming xiu wasn't really well depicted in the novel since the novel is written from zhou xiang's perspective, yan ming xiu is so often to be looked through this rose colored lens of his to the point where i felt like ymx was a rather one dimensional pretty, arrogant, spoiled brat. reading the novel back then, i felt what a lot of average audience is currently asking from the series: SO WHAT DOES ZHOU XIANG SEE IN YAN MING XIU, is his dick that worth it?

but like you mentioned, the series does well in humanizing ming and i would argue that the series has answered the question above better than the novel as joe makes it explicitly clear why he likes ming so bad (bonus is getting ming to hear this as well). with series!ming, we get to see aspects of his family life, the people around him and his general background whereas it took the novel 2/3 of the way for them to start introducing ymx's family to us but not for a very good reason but rather for a cliche subplot which i dislike (that i need the thai adaptation to do something better with this one).

so rather than fearing the 'softening' up of ymx, i feel like this humanization treatment the series is giving ming is a better way of adapting novel!ymx because my stand-in doesn't shy away and unapologetically makes ming a terrible red flag...

... yet simultaneously gives the audience some clues as to why ming is a red flag the way he is and it's not a seemingly inherent callous nature like other 188 novel scum mls. don't get me wrong, he's still a scum ml nonetheless but if you look at ymx's inherent level of maliciousness, it's nowhere near other scum mls written by the same author. and i think what my stand-in does well. because it is making the point 'ming is a terribly mean person but it's the result of his jealousy, his inability to listen to his own feelings and stubbornness, rather than an intentional aim to emotionally deceive joe' across much better than the novel did with just two eps.

so far in terms of changes, i also like how the comedic elements are in here but they're not dominating the tone of this series and balances well out with the drama/angst going on. i guess this can also be credited to the actors/production team because they've always promoted my stand-in as a '120% sweet, 200% bitter romance DRAMA' series so i did not go in with the expectations of so much light hearted moments

it's not to say that there weren't comedic elements in the novel, as the infamous 'and they were both top' scene is an exact adaptation of their first meeting in the novel.

but being an adaptation, not to mention being a thai one nonetheless, my stand-in does well incorporating its way of doing humor into the original work seemlessly. joe's mood swings (affected by ming) were presented PERFECTLY through his three training session with his juniors. i feel like this is the kind of humor that could only be achieved through series/tv format as opposed to novel zhou xiang whose mood swings affected his acting work.

on my beloved sol aka novel lan xi rong, i actually really like that they made him a former stunt actor as well and us getting to see porsche tanathorn doing all this action sequence (yes go yyds, rig your actor some of that screentime). but i thought it was very similar though, the reason for rejecting joe and his realization that joe was the only kind hearted genuine guy he's ever met once he's actually 'been in the industry'. i sure hope they don't characterize sol like how they did novel!lan xi rong 'i'm only gay for you'. give this man his own LOVE INTEREST (i'm actually betting my whole wallet on a brand new yim/sol loveline. i see it happening. it would not be a thai bl without at least one other side bl couple).

all that being said, my only worry is that i feel like they've already adapted so much of the novel within 2 eps and thai bl adaptations have a tendency to diverge greatly from the original source material. so i have worries for the possible new subplots they might add into this series.

tldr: i love my stand-in so much right now as a novel reader but i hate how i can't figure out what they're going to add in future eps ಥ_ಥ

[starsoftheeye]

TMAGP Episode 15 Live Reaction

I'm destressing after an exam so we're doing this again baby wooo

Pre-Episode

My YouTube keeps not showing the episode, it's been like an hour since the release and its still not up for me

It's not even up for my laptop this is so annoying

I can't remember how I got it to show up last time as well

Bro I keep refreshing my page and its not there WHERE ARE YOU???

Screw it Spotify get over here

THANK YOU SPOTIFY

who is this man and why is he just doing the toffee/gum in mouth/ face stretching exercise from every drama rehearsal i've ever been to

this is oddly scary

as a physics student... probably

oh its a gum ad

oooh implications

this podcast sounds cool

hi simon!!

i'm gonna stop talking about the ads now this post is so long already lmao

i love it when people dedicate episodes to their friends its so sweet

Pre-Statement

sam and celia!!

:0 he got them tickets? thats so sweet i love him

Theatre tickets can be fucking expensive as well jesus he is down bad

ah yes, my favourite piece of theatre to bring a date to: The Pillowman

i love them

alice!!

oooh luke mention

every thursday i listen to a new tmagp episode and every thursday my samalicelia post becomes a little more plausible

she has really thought this through huh

okay this is probably alice meddling out of jealousy but seriously you cannot expect me to hear her basically asking these two to hangout after theyve been on a date and expect my samalicelia brain to not go insane over it

aw alice :(

jack mention jack mention

"babys are cool" shes so me

aw celia i love her

uh oh sam and alice conversation

oh so now youtube decides to work

i cannot understand what sam said there but i'm assuming it was funny and only a bit passive agressive

Statement

Ah another voicemail

this guy sounds like tim but not

oh god what fucked up dinner party are the rich doing now

"they wanted to know whos kill they were eating" oh this is gonna be interesting

oh no theyre watching

ah yes, very informative "prepare"

whos gonna die

ooooh a fucked up woman i love fucked up women

i know this is probably a very important character and i should be paying attention but i am a mere lesbian and i am finding this woman very attractive right now

thats when you realised something was up?

oh im so gay

theyre gonna aim for the caterers they are not safe

bingo

theyre gonna make them run methinks

they killed all the birds

oh are they gonna make the caterers kill something/someone?

oh no steven :(

these people are being very vague id be asking so many questions

each other?

EACH OTHER

PLEASE BE EACH OTHER THATS SO COOL

EACH OTHER YES

I LOVE HUNTING STORIES

this guys enjoying this a little too much

go on boris

oh no boris :(

is she following him?

OH NO HE GOT CAUGHT

AHHHH WOMAN

SHES HOT

HUH????

CELIA RUN

actually no dont you have a better chance if you stay i think

SLAY CELIA

lena what did you do

this is weirdly homoerotic

GWEN???

GWEN WHAT DID YOU DO

GWEN I LOVE YOU BUT WHAT

CHESIRE BOUCHARDS WHAT

GWEN?????

Post-Statement

ooooh is this lukes band?

theyre good i like it

awww these two arent gonna survive together

damn hes doing well

pfffft weedy git i love luke already

hello?? whos this??

lady are you okay??

alice run

ALICE RUN

ALICE HONEY WHAT HAPPENED

yippee more trauma for her to cover up with jokes

is she doing ellie the elephant oh my god

oh shes back

yeah alice you should run

im betting this was the stranger from the magnus institute

i shouldve paid attention to her little ramble lol

oh my god so much is happening in this show and we're only on episode 15

[schizosupport]

this is going to be very long and rambly, i apologize. you can answer any, all, or no parts of it, i guess i just really need to blurt it all out to *someone*

for the past 3 or 4 years, ive been having mild (?) transient stress related psychotic symptoms. i suspect i have a cluster b pd which could possibly cover that

at first it was mostly paranoia i think ? usually the standard "theyre out to get me" type thoughts, both with people i knew and nebulous entities i couldnt define. it doesnt happen too frequently, but it seems to have gotten worse with time. this past fall / winter was especially bad bc i was already doing poorly mental health wise and was very isolated. a lot of the thoughts are still paranoia based, but some lean more towards delusions now (e.g. being afraid of the music i left to play from my phone speakers bc i felt it was hunting me down) as well as some that are fully bizarre (e.g. believing that ive been an angel stuck inside a human body my whole life, thinking theres a force field around my apartment thats keeping me stuck inside). for a while there was also this... pervasive sense of unreality almost ? like i would get frustrated that things werent operating on dream logic, or have difficulty differentiating dreams and reality in general. for the past couple months since then, ive had pretty much no issues

i always retain Some grasp on reality, whether its full on double booking or a vague sense of "something is wrong with me right now", which is enough for me to hide away from people and try to calm myself down and ground myself back to reality (... can you even do that with "real" delusions ? talk yourself out of them ?). the symptoms only last a few hours "at their peak", though the unsteady / unreality feeling may stick around for days or weeks surrounding that. im still able to be mostly functional for that part though. as such, nobody knows about any of this.

i just. i dont know. i dont have a therapist (i need one). im too afraid telling my friends will change their views on me irreparably even though they too struggle with (other) deeply stigmatized mental health issues. ive spent a lot of my childhood being called insane and incapable and i dont want it to happen again after ive finally found people that respect me. im worried ill have a full on psychotic break at some point (what the hell counts as "a break" ? can i call what ive been through "episodes" ?), or lose my ability to double book, or display symptoms in front of people i know. i just dont know what to do so im. spilling it out all here. so someone at all besides me knows

-- elias

Hey there,

Sorry it took me a while to get back to you.

It definitely sounds to me like you are experiencing some level of psychotic symtoms, and it sounds like it's causing you significant distress. You asked whether you can "talk yourself out of" a "real delusion" - and well, not as such, until the delusion passes, but they can be more or less long-lived and come with more or less insight.

The types of episode that only last a couple hours at full intensity are sometimes referred to as micropsychoses. When people talk about "a psychotic episode" it usually refers to a prolonged loss of reality that may last days, weeks or even months. But plenty of people on the schizo- and psychosis spectrum don't experience full-blown psychotic episodes. That doesn't make their psychosis un-serious, and it also isn't a given that these people will go on to develop worse psychotic symptoms.

I think one of the reasons the diagnosis of schizotypal exists, is because we needed to acknowledge that not every person's endpoint on the schizo-spectrum is schizophrenia, but that doesn't mean that their experience doesn't come with distress or disability.

I think you could try to do a vibe check with your friends to see how they react to the concept of psychosis and psychotic disorders. If they seem cool, then you could try to bring up your own experiences. It might be nice to be able to talk about those things, and get to experience that it doesn't have to be the end of the world, and not everyone will judge you for it.

I hope you all the best, anon!!

[dragonairice]

LOWKEY BEEN INSPIRED BY @not-sure-what-im-feeling s AWESOME OCS AND LORE (Go check them out)

And it inspired me to talk about MY ocs :D

I mention in passing that I am in fact writing a novel, but I try to avoid saying too much to prevent spoilers buuuuut I think I can keep it vague enough while still rambling <3

The novel (technically a novella) is called 'The Shadow Walker' and here's a draft of a blurb:

With no friends, an absent mom, an abusive dad, and a shadow that inexplicably went missing; Nicholas Walker is convinced his life couldn’t possibly get any worse. But everything changes when he meets something (or someone) who may or may not want him dead.

(Not the best but again it;s a draft)

ANYWAY THIS IS MY BOY NICHOLAS

He's 12 years old and a selective mute and my scrungliest little blorbo who experiences the horrors™. He doesn't have any friends, is neglected by his parents, and all in all has a bad time before the book starts :(

The only source of healthy food in the house (he borrows money from his dad and goes to the store alone) but is severely malnourished from eating nothing more than reheated takeout his dad left in the fridge. Nick doesn't talk verbally unless it's to his dad (out of necessity) and otherwise converses in ASL (which I'm learning for this book <3). Loves pretty buildings and stargazing, has a dream of visiting things like Notre Dame and the colloseum some day and is fascinated by architecture. I just realised that this kid would adore Minecraft but anyway after things get better for him he's given Lego models of like the eiffel tower and he loves them :)

Gonna stop before I spend the entire post talking about my boy and move onto

HIS MOMM

You know that thing that's like, "Not a bad person, just a bad parent"? Yeah. That's her. She ran away from her abusive boyfriend and left Nick behind out of fear, since she didn't know if she could survive by herself, much less with a child in tow. She ends up leaving with her best friend and they travel around the world a lot for their job. They're a musician who plays back up for bands in different places and Rachel ends up learning to play some stuff too after watching them for so long. The two end up dating at some point and they've been together ever since. Rachel still sends Nicholas a postcard every time she travels to a new place, but she doesn't have the courage to actually see him in person yet. Also fun fact. She's descended from a woman who was killed for being a 'witch' during the salem trials. This is relevant to the story :3

Do I have to talk about his dad??? Ughhhhh fine

This is Gregory Walker. I hate him. bye.

Not but fr, he's a terrible father. Works at a convenience store and his co-workers fear him. Lives off of take-out and instant ramen, never checks on his son. Spends all his money gambling and buying alchohol. Literally would not notice if he missed an entire month of his life (*cough* foreshadowing *cough*)

ANYWAY ONTO TWO OF MY FAVOURITES

LEXI AND CHELSEAAA

Lexi is a single mom who grew up kinda spoiled and is still figuring out how to raise a kid. Her parents are kinda helpful about it but also she doesn't want to raise Chelsea how she was raised so hgjhrj. Chelsea was orignally planned to be autistic since this entire book is a transparent cover for neurodivergent rep but the version of her in my head is so very ADHD instead. They only show up near the end of the book so I'm still experimenting with them a bit but Lexi is a huge book worm and Chelsea loves unicorns, like, I mean in the 'mythology is cool way' not the 'stereotypical girl behaviour' way. She does love pink things and sparkles though

THERE IS ANOTHER CHARACTER BUT THEY'RE A SPOILERRRR BUT I WILL JUST SAY THEY ARE NOT HUMAN AND ALSO WHAT THE TITLE OF THE BOOK IS TALKING ABOUT

(It's a sentient shadow, that's- do you get the pun in the name- there's three references in it-)