#i obviously didn’t know her but for some reason this hit me really hard

[carladuquette]

Lynn Fainchtein was a music supervisor for a large number of movies, among them the Oscar winning Roma. I learned about her through Elite, where she was in charge of the soundtrack for the first three seasons (a.k.a. the good ones). She introduced me to so much new music and Spanish language artists that I would have otherwise never discovered. The music of Elite is one of the parts that made this show great and we have her to thank for it. 

Fainchtein passed away this past Friday at only 61 years old. What a huge loss. I’m grateful to her for bringing so much joy to my life through music. May she rest in peace 💔🙏🏻

via Diego Betancor’s instagram

[jaggedamethyst]

clandestine

viktor (arcane) x stripper f!reader

pairing: viktor (arcane) x f!reader

content: 18+ minors dni, smut, not thigh but lap riding, strip club obviously, some cursing, porn some plot idk, established relationship, secret relationship, not proofread

notes: i am not personally a stripper, but I have somehow seen a lot of movies and youtube vloggers explaining the culture and mindset they have…about doing this to get them to a next phase of their life. some people may not feel that way at all, and just do it to feel empowered….or literally just because its a job. no reason is more valued than the other, and I hope I did this justice because I have the utmost respect for every job. please let me know if anything isn’t hitting the way it should in that regard and i will make the edits <3

also, not an au… this was kinda inspired by lest. idk if it was ever confirmed, but the character kinda reads to me as a sex worker and I do love that. normalize including those stories in media.

word count: 2.1k

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Stepping into the building always felt particularly specific for Viktor. The music was melodic but slightly too loud. Flashing lights almost always sent him off balance, leaning into his cane. A vibration pulsed—bouncing off every wall hard enough to make him physically swat the feeling away with his head. Yet, whenever he’d find his seat and glance across the room—all of it faded away.

Had there not been a physical spotlight, Viktor could still find you a mile away. He was completely entranced, mesmerized by the way you moved—even more so by the fact that it was an act. You were sweet, saccharine even, and you never showed it. That side was all for him. Only him.

When you were at the club, there was a veil over you—projecting a unique exterior. Dancing allowed you to disconnect and channel an identity you didn’t in everyday life. Often, you were misunderstood. Even more common was for you to be ignored—it wasn’t like that at work. You were respected and held at the same regard as everyone else. There were rules, and everyone followed them. You were an equal and you appreciated that.

Regardless of that feeling on stage, the money was also damn good. You grew up in the Undercity and you knew what it was like to have nothing. This fact was something you and Viktor bonded over initially. Later, both of your intellect and fondness for academics. He empathized, too, with you having no family…even more the fact that you started this venture to pay for your studies. That’s how the two of you found yourself dating. There was an unwavering kindness about Viktor, you loved that. The secrecy made every interaction all the more interesting, especially in the confines of the Piltover club.

The shift started like any other. You were on stage, moving to the rhythm of your song, Lest in your peripheral. You’d often recall how she was the first person to make you feel truly comfortable. She’d linger during your sets, calling security when needed, even speaking up for you when she realized you couldn’t. Lest gave you the push to take control, and the money really showed it.

You glanced down a bit, seeing some of your money get swept to the side. Lest had your labeled basket in her hands, grabbing some out of the way for you. In that split second, you saw a glint toward the back corner. You smirked, seeing your boyfriend spread on a chair���observing you through low eyes. You sped your tempo up, the stage now cleared enough for you.

Viktor noticed your arched a brow and stifled a chuckle. As you picked up the pace, he leaned back more comfortably in the chair. A hand held onto his cane, knuckles paling at the forceful grip. His other hand rested on the chair. His legs spread entirely, something he knew you loved. He was locked in, eyes roaming over every inch of your body as you danced. Your back was to him, then, ass shaking seductively in a way he’d always appreciated. You bent simultaneously, making a show of your legs before dropping into a split. You rolled your neck, looking toward Viktor. He watched your hand trace over your leg before tapping on it twice with a smile.

You’d definitely seen him back there.

Lest gave a knowing smirk, nodding over her shoulder “I see you spotted your regular.”

“Sure did.” You laughed at that, swinging your legs around. “It’s gonna be a fun night.”

“Oh I can tell.”

Lest didn’t know the two of you were dating, nobody did. That was the allure. Viktor could be the “regular” who showed up and dotted on you while you played the helpless stripper who so desperately needed his money. Neither were true, except that Viktor did love to spend his money on you.

Lest spoke up again, “You should head back there, before he gets restless…you know how they are.”

You moved to stand, doing a final spin and wave to the audience. “You’re right…can’t miss out on the money.”

“Exactly.” You moved to help add the rest of your money to the basket, Lest gripping it for dear life. “I’ll put this in the usual spot. We can do count after you rake in the big bucks.”

You high-fived Lest, watching as she turned immediately. You turned away, too, knowing that the chance of any of your money being taken was close to zero. You’d trust her with your life—so much so that you often debated telling her more about yourself outside of the club. Part of you figured she knew about your relationship and just played along. The thought of that made you love her friendship even more.

There was a drag in your step. You purposely made your strides slow as you inched toward the corner Viktor had chosen for tonight. His eyes had yet to leave you, but his free hand circled the arm rest. He was pent up, which was perfect, you thought.

He watched as you finally reached him, standing over his seated figure with your hands on your hips. You spoke first, yelling a bit over the music. “Funny seeing you here.”

He played along, eyes raking over your body. “I frequent here relatively often, do I not?”

You shrugged, looking away, “One could say that.”

He smiled, moving to stand up. You were a bit shorter than him, but slightly taller now thanks to your heels. He glanced down at them in adoration, loving the feeling of looking up at you. “You were stellar, love.”

You raised your head, flicking your hair. “Thank you, baby.” Your eyes lingered on one another, the genuine feeling of affection sitting between you both. Leaning down to whisper in his ear, you broke that sweet feeling. You played to his true intention; you knew why he was here. “Wanna go somewhere more private?” You let your lips linger for a second, hands coming up to rub his neck and behind his ears with your thumbs. “I know a place.”

He watched you pull back, looking up through his lashes. The smile on your face absolutely melted him. He reached down, slowly searching his pocket. He flipped up a bill that was settled between two fingers. “Lead the way.”

You plucked the money from him and grasped his now empty hand. The exchange had its own unspoken rules—Viktor would always pay, you would let him. The inherently degrading nature never found its way to your relationship but was instead a way to keep up appearances. For Viktor, it was yet another way to show his love for you. He’d give it all if he could—you deserved it.

He followed you, stalking behind your enticing figure. You’d shift every so often, your reflection moving with the tone of the lights. The sound reverberated off of you both, pulsing between your interlocked fingers. The bass slowly faded as you walked down the long hallway, even more so as you entered the secluded room.

The lights were low, a quiet music lulling in the room. Candles lit the area and added a hint of vanilla to the air Viktor appreciated—it smelled like you. He closed his eyes at the thought, enveloped by the scent and feeling of your skin on his palm. You glanced up, observing that the light on the cameras had been switched off. You huffed gratefully, knowing you had to thank Lest again later.

Viktor felt the pull of your hands and mindlessly followed until his back met the couch. He cleared his throat, looking over to you beside him. “So,” he paused, “How was your day?”

“Do you actually want to know how my day was?” You pursed your lips, sarcasm riddled all over them. “Or are you just indulging me so you seem like a gentleman?”

Viktor was frazzled at that, “What? No…” He brushed a hand to move his hair out of his face, “No! I would like to know-“

A kiss to his cheek interrupted him, “I know.” You nodded slowly. “But you should just ask for what you really want…I’m a busy woman after all.”

The flicker in his eye was one you genuinely loved—the switch from caring boyfriend to infatuated client.

“And what is it you think I want?” A hand brushed over your cheek, his thumb slowly finding its way to your lips. He looked down, rubbing his fingers across your skin.

You reached down, then, a hand firmly landing on his thigh. You maintained eye contact as you spoke—sliding a hand further up his leg. “I think I have a pretty good idea…”

“Is that so?” Viktor leaned back further to adjust his lap and purposely push his hardened length into your palm.

The two of you leaned in closer, the pull of each other undeniable. Slowly, your lips collided. There was an urgency, yet neither of you acted on it—an attempt to savor the moment. You maneuvered then, lips still connected. Viktor hummed against your mouth—a sound that left you smiling as you pushed a leg over his lap.

The once soft push of your lips together was now bordering on frantic. Every so often, Viktor would move to pull and suck on one of your lips—urging you on. You were lost in the motion—in him. Your hands snaked up the back of his neck and tangled with the hair at the base of his neck. With a forceful tug, you pulled him back. He was looking at you now, face flushed and lips completely swollen and glistening. Looking at him this way already had your underwear dampening. You refused to break eye contact, lowering yourself just on top of Viktor. Sucking in a breath, he tilted his head back—leaning into the couch cushion.

You began to circle your hips. The friction of the restrained material had you feral. “Fuck…” You continued, slowly circling and moving up and down his erection. “Fuck, Viktor.”

He matched you motion suddenly, circling his hips up into you. The motion had your insides pulsing. You couldn’t keep up the act, leaning down into the warmth of his neck. You felt him kiss and suck on your neck. He trailed kisses up and around your ear—moving around your hairline. His hands found your back, pulling you into him even more. Erratic breaths filled the room. All that was missing, you thought, were the lewd sounds of slapping you so desired. You’d give anything to be fully naked right now, letting him work all over you. But there was no time. The thought only spurred you on.

He spoke suddenly, “I needed this.”

“I know,” You push and pull into him faster, “Me too.”

The fabric barrier between the two of you was soaked now, a mixture of both of you. You slid back a bit, arms length distance away from Viktor. His mouth was agape from the lack of sensation, but quickly lost any will to argue when you began to swirl on his tip. He was always so sensitive there—and you were close. The rubbing on your clit had your breath shallow, your motions less rhythmic. He noticed, grabbing your waist to guide you to a speed that had both of your eyes rolling back.

“I’m close….”

Viktor pulled you into a kiss and mumbled into your mouth. “I am too.”

With a few more pumps against each other, you were finishing all over each other’s clothes. You accidentally broke the kiss, gasping for the breath that escaped you at the burning sensation in your body. Viktor didn’t stop, though, pulling you in impossibly closer. He worked the both of you through, choking out a whine as he shot out ropes into his pants.

The two of you sat there, embracing each other for a while. The feeling of each other was enough in the moment—drowning out the sensory overload of the club. Your finger tips traced over his features. You smoothed over his brows, the moles by his eye and lip, the divets in his cheekbones. He was entirely mesmerized by you—a devotion all over his face.

Light taps at the door broke the moment. You knew it would be Lest; she’d often drop by when you took a bit longer than management would like for just one customer. Opening the door a crack, you saw a pile there—a change of clothes for you and a smaller hand towel. You scooped them up quickly, moving back into the room.

Viktor was still watching you, a hand finding its way back to his cane. His grasp wasn’t as tight as before, you smiled to yourself at that.

You stripped quickly, moving to clean yourself and change your clothes. “Missed you today.”

Viktor pushed himself forward in the seat. “And I, you.” He staggered over to you, a hand pushing in and out of his pocket. He held up a bill again, “We should do this again sometime.”

A small chuckle escaped you. “Sure, baby.” You pecked a kiss on his cheek as he walked by you. “I’ll see you at home.”

[bueckers-sturniolo]

the alchemy.

paige x fem!teammate! reader

word count: 2k!

warnings: uhhh, cursing? literally one suggestive-ish comment, if i think of anymore ill come back and lyk!

authors note: HIIII! this is my first time ever writing anything whatsoever, and i can’t tell if i genuinely enjoy or really hate this. you gotta start somewhere though, right? 🤔🤔🤔

go read part two here!

this happens once every few lifetimes; these chemicals hit me like white wine…

you and paige were inseparable. it didn’t go unnoticed by fans, not by any means. you were a year younger than paige, you started playing for uconn her sophomore year. as soon as this was announced, paige followed you on everything, immediately commenting on any post the uconn instagram page made about you, commenting something along the lines of just saying your name in all caps with a bunch of emojis, or even, when she was feeling bold, “Theres our girl! 🤩🙌 (or, ‘my girl’ if she was feeling silly that day),” and even on your own, individual posts about yourself, she’d like and comment some form of encouragement or a subtle compliment just to hype you up, as she does the rest of the team.

she couldn’t deny her nearly unbearable attraction toward the minute she first had laid eyes on you. even if it was over a tiny screen. the first time she saw you was when geno had shown the team videos of you playing and explained to them who you are, where you’re from, what position you play, and all other things they should know. you were around 5’10, and you were a point guard. you had gotten a scholarship to uconn, and obviously, you took it up. the first time paige physically saw you play, she knew you two would become close. not only working together on the court, during games and practices, but also, off of the court.

and you guys did. by the time the season started, you were sure you guys were unstoppable. every practice, you guys were fully locked in, becoming an outstanding duo together. that is, until, she got a tibial plateau fracture. she sat out a whopping 19 games after her surgery, and it was sad to see. she was such a powerful player, and now one of your best friends. games and practices didn’t feel nearly as good without her, but she made you promise that you’d work everyday to improve your already very strong talent, to play for ‘the both of you,’ as she said. she’d come to practices, games, and even just to your personal training sessions to provide some form of support.

what if I told you I’m back? the hospital was a drag, worst sleep that I ever had, I circled you on a map; I havent come around in so long, but im coming back so strong.

as soon as paige was cleared by doctors to begin playing again, she worked several hours, every single day. she came back as a fucking beast. since the day she got cleared and started working her ass off, she earned the nickname ‘sniper’ from you. your nickname for her was ‘killer,’ which, is kinda where she got the idea for sniper. you both were very powerful point guards. every day since she came back, you were amazed by just how hard she was working to get back up to her already impressive level of skill. and as time went on, she got even better than before. from the wise words of your guys’ coach, geno, she literally ‘came back better than she was when she was named player of the year.’

so when I touch down, call the amateurs and cut ‘em from the team, ditch the clowns, get the crown. baby, im the one to beat. cause the sign on your heart said it’s still reserved for me. honestly, who are we to fight the alchemy?

one night, after a practice, you guys are sitting on your couch, scrolling on your phones in the living room of your apartment. she was over there often. you didn’t live in a dorm, but she did, so this is where you typically hung out. you didn’t get a dorm, for mainly one reason, living on campus is expensive. you personally thought that if you were gonna pay so much to live somewhere, might as well be somewhere bigger than the dorms at uconn. your parents somehow agreed, and helped you through paying for it your first few years. you’re now a junior, and paige is a senior. though, she was technically going into her junior year of playing basketball, but it was her last year as a uconn ‘student.’ over the past several months, it’s been…. flirty, to say the least. you’ve always been not ‘just friends,’ but, you never talked about it. it was just ‘normal’ to you guys. you had talked about to kk once, and the conversation didn’t really help. at all. not in the fucking slightest.

“well, i mean… yeah, we all notice it. she just…. acts so different around you…? it’s not a bad difference, per se… it’s just like, why the fuck is she so nice to you? she’s constantly like… on her knees praising you. it’s crazy, lowkey. but none of us wanna say that, so we kinda just have accepted it all season.” kk says, finally looking up from her phone at me, sitting on the edge of her bed, giving her a ‘please help me’ look.

i stare at her for a few seconds, then sigh. is it actually different? does she really do that, or is kk just exaggerating, like she always does?

“kk, i don’t- i don’t know, dude. i don’t notice it. it’s just- like-“ kk interrupts me, knowing i couldn’t find the words to explain what i was feeling, “normal to you?”

i nod, putting my face in my hands and letting out another sigh. “yeah, i get that. but, also… like, how do you not notice it? it’s like- remember that guy she said she had a crush on, like- 7 months ago or some shit?” she said, sighing.

“yeah, why?” i say, my eyebrows furrowing in confusion on where the fuck she could possibly be going with this.

“she literally flirted with you more than she flirted with him. then, she rejected him, and said there was ‘no reason behind it….’ is that not suspiscious to you? in that one picture of you guys and the weird ass dude she apparently liked, she’s leaning closer to you than she is him? does that not even slightly spark a tad bit of suspiscion?” kk says, getting frustrated that im not seeing her point here.

“i mean- no? i didn’t even notice it, kk.” I say, shaking my head in disbelief. “exactly my point,” kk says, sitting up to really try to get her point across. “she acts like she’s in love with you, and heaven forbid you notice it even slightly. i could name so many things that just, like- we have all noticed, and paige knows we’ve noticed. like, that time that one bitch was pushing you on the court the entire game, and paige eventually got pissed off and pushed her back off of you, then got a fucking technical foul over it…? or, how about when she gets drunk, she literally is all over you. like, hugging you, holding you, falling asleep on the couch with you literally on top of her? is that not somehow making you just use that little brain in your head?” kk says, and i just stare in thought. maybe she was right. maybe it is more than a close friendship.

you snap out of your thoughts as paige says your name, looking over at her. “yeah?” you say, trying to seem cool.

“are you okay? you just spaced out for like…. 10 minutes…” paige says, turning her phone off sitting her it down on her chest. “oh, yeah,” I say, chuckling. that’s fucking embarrassing, you thought. but why wouldn’t she notice it? she notices everything about you.

“y’know… you did really good today,” paige says smiling at you. you smile too, looking down at your hands, “thanks. you literally always do good, so. no point in boosting your ego any more than it already is.” you say, looking back up to meet her gaze.

“i call you killer for a reason, you know that, right? you’re fucking phenomenal.” and she meant it. you were a goddess, in her eyes. if there was any person closest to heaven on this earth. it’s you. everything about you. she couldn’t get enough of you, and if it was up to her, she’d show you just how perfect you are to her. you smile, shaking your head in disbelief. “you’re insane.”

“im literally complimenting you, idiot- how does this make me insane,” paige says, laughing. you shrug, shaking your head. “you know, you’re my bestfriend, right? like, the best, best-friend i’ve ever had? ” paige says, after a few seconds of silence. you look back up, your gaze softening, your big grin also softening into a sweet smile. kk was right, you thought. you knew what that was. you knew what she meant. she is in love.

hey, you. what if I told you we’re cool? that child’s play back in school is forgiven under my rule. i havent come around in so long, but I’m making a come-back to where I belong.

you sit in your room in silence, staring at the ceiling. you keep replaying things in your mind, things she’s said. things she’s done. you knew you liked girls, you knew you liked paige. but, at what cost? did your whole friendship form from the attraction you guys had from the start? was this random to her? were you guys ever going to talk about it? this whole situation is ridiculous. right now, paige is visiting her family in minnesota. you’ve met them before, and you loved her little brother, drew, like your own brother. he was precious to you. but, this time you didn’t go, you had to stay back and practice. which, sounds ridiculous to paige given that you’re already the best player in the world to her. but, you knew you’d been slacking on practicing and certain skills you were supposed to be good at. you didn’t want to let her down. or the team, of course. but, paige specifically.

these bloakes warm the benches, we’ve been on a winning streak. (s)he jokes that it’s heroin but this time with an ‘e.’

today, you guys had a game. you were always pretty hard on yourself, but, today was worse. paige noticed this, quickly. as she always does. right before halftime, you shoot a three. you make it, but, it still was kinda sloppy. not all of your shots were sloppy, of course. but, today you felt like shit and were on your period. you didn’t feel great, and you were pissed off that the girl guarding you was on your ass all damn game. the girl in question was no other than kate martin, who was always on your ass specifically, when you guys played iowa. it was infuriating, and not to mention that you kept getting fouls called on you by a ref who clearly doesn’t realize that kate won’t stay off of your case. as soon as half-time hits, you walk over to the bench, muttering a ‘holy fucking shit’ under your breath. you sit down, paige immediately following after you, sitting beside you.

“hey, killer…. it’s okay, i promise. you’re doing so, so good.” paige says, leaning closer to you trying to reassure you in a soft, gentle tone.

“doesnt feel like it.” you say, grumpily, grabbing your water and taking a drink of it. “i know, but hey,” she says, smiling. “you’re fuckin’ killing it. if it makes you feel any better, you scored and knocked her down because of how close she was to you, maybe she’ll back off. but…” she says, pausing. “do not get a tech because of her.” you look over at her, slowly nodding. “yeah, im trying. but, the next time she gets in my face, i’m knocking her to the fucking ground again.” you say, quietly. paige smiles, “no being too aggressive… i mean, yes, be aggressive. but, no techs.”

“yeah, yeah. okay, idiot face. i’ll try.” you say and paige smiles wider, shaking her head.

as the game continues, we’re up by a solid two points. youre now in the last 45 seconds of the game. iowa has the ball, clark scores a 3 on paige. of fucking course, you think.

kk gets the rebound, and we get the ball, finally. with now only 30 seconds left, you’re panicking. you’re losing by one damn point. geno calls a time out out to the ref, the ref granting him this and you all huddle over. paige leans over to you, mumbling a, “you’ve got this, killer. im leaving this up to you. you won’t let me down.” you smile, nodding. she smiles at you for a few seconds. she is so whipped, and it’s obvious. you’re addicting. you’re like heroin, but with a fucking ‘e,’ paige thinks.

shirts off, and your friends lift you up over their heads. beer sticking to the floor, cheers chanted, cause they said, “there was no chance, tryna be the greatest in the league.” where’s the trophy? (s)he just comes runnin’ over to me.

as the game resumes, the ball is passed to paige. 15 seconds. the time is ticking, so, so fast. paige does a pump fake, immediately passing the ball to you. you catch it, turning slightly so you can dribble around martin, who’s still on your ass. you nearly lose the ball. you’re wasting too much time time, you think. you glance up at the clock. 5 seconds. you try to think fast, then quickly preform a fake pass to paige, then as soon as kate turns her attention toward paige, you shoot directly behind the point the three-point line, and you make it. the buzzer sounds. you look over at the score counters, wondering if it’s able to be counted. they announce it is, and you feel like you’ve never been happier than in that damn moment. your entire team is screaming, all of the fans in the bleachers standing up and cheering. you place your hands on your knees, leaning down and panting while smiling. that’s when you see paige, her shirt is lifted up so her stomach is showing, still cheering. smiling ear to ear, she suddenly runs over to you from across the court. she hugs you, picking you up and spinning you around.

this type of shit only happens once every few lifetimes. who are you to deny your love for her any longer? who are you to fight the general chemistry between you two? who are you to fight the alchemy?

a/n: RAHHHHHH I HOPE YOU LOVED IT IM SORRY IF IT SUCKS ASS!!!! IF YOURE READING THIS RN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

[disneyprincemuke]

best years * fem!driver

growing up in a predominantly male environment, she only ever had two friends she could count on. this is what it was like growing up with oscar and logan.

pairings: oscar piastri x fem!driver, logan sargeant x fem!driver

warnings: -

notes: this was so hard to write for no reason

(series masterlist) | (📂 pre-formula 1)

2013

she leans against the wall behind her, fingers nervously picking at the skin around her nails. she’s the only girl in yet another karting race.

around her are countless boys excitedly greeting their friends, some of whom they have not seen in months from the long break. they would only spare her a quick glance before forming their own circles and talking amongst themselves.

she simply sighs and fishes for her phone in her back pocket. she will just pretend to text blythe, who is all the way back home, hours from where she is.

sure, she had plenty of girl friends from karting when she was growing up. but amidst puberty and coming into their own, her friends had simply moved on to other hobbies and interests — one that didn’t involve pouring your heart and soul onto the race track.

so there she stands, all by herself in the corner.

she feels a presence next to her, prompting her to lift her head. there stands a boy with sandy brown hair and his arms folded over his chest. who she will come to later know as oscar. but not just yet.

beside him is another boy, bright blue eyes with dirty blonde hair. they’re engaged in a conversation, paying no mind to the girl sending several messages to her younger sister without a response.

“okay, gather up, please!”

she would wind up making it into the top 30 that race.

“hey, you made it into top 30!” her mother engulfs her in a tight hug and sways side by side. “i’m so proud of you! you did so well!”

“thank you,” she giggles, pulling back slightly to catch some air. her hand reaches around the older woman’s body to wipe the sweat from her top lip. “are we still getting pizza after this?”

her father laughs, throwing his head back. “you never forget a promise, kid.”

“of course!” she cheers, jumping up as she claps her hands. “can i get a hawaiian pizza?”

“absolutely,” her mother beams, squeezing her on the chin followed by another hug.

she sighs and throws her head back, appreciating the sun that barely burns her skin. she scratches her head and gathers up her hair to pull it into a ponytail.

looking around, she locks eyes with somebody — the same boy from earlier with the sandy brown hair. he’s got the most charming smile, sending it her way along with a thumbs up.

blood rushes to her cheeks as she returns him a thumbs up and a courteous nod.

then he turns away, whisked away by his parents.

2014

“you’re only saying that cause i beat you on the track again,” she answers nonchalantly with an eyeroll. she folds her arms over her chest, scanning the boy head to toe. “it’s okay to lose to girls sometimes. it’s rare, i know, yet here i am.”

“an absolute fluke,” the boy scoffs at her, cheeks red in frustration and fists clenched by his side. “my dad says there’s no space for girls on the racetrack.”

“oh, really? say that to my top 10 finish and you barely making the cut,” she spits, anger lacing every word. “loser.”

his jaw drops. “hey, take that back!”

“bite me,” she grins, “you loser.”

his arm is barely able to land a hit on her shoulder when he stumbles back, a bigger figure blocking her from the frustrated kid. she barely flinched, now shocked at the something that separated her from a minor injury.

“hey, piss off, will you?”

“whatever, dude.”

her saving grace turns around, a small welcoming smile on his face. it’s someone she recognises — slowly becoming a familiar face for her every time she’s on for a karting race. “are you alright?”

she huffs, her fists now clenched by her side. “i had that covered. i didn’t need your help.”

he gives her a tired stare, obviously not biting into her words to be edged towards an apology. he just smiles again. “i know, but i thought i’d end it before a fight happened.”

“what if that’s exactly what i wanted?” she asks, an eyebrow raised as her hands rests on her hips. “you don’t know that.”

“don’t bother,” he chuckles, glancing at the ground before lifting his head to look at her again. “‘grats on the top 10 finish today.”

she narrows her eyes down. “thank you.”

“oscar, by the way,” he says again, hand stretched out toward her.

“(y/n),” she nods at him with a forced smile. she drops both of their hands. “you’re tough to race, oscar. sometimes i just wanna crash into you with my kart.”

“i get that a lot, thank you,” he grins. he points behind her, prompting her to turn around. “the blonde over there’s my friend. that’s logan.”

she nods. “i’ve seen you guys together a couple of times.”

“we go to school together.” oscar pauses. “hey, logan! come over here!”

the blonde, logan, whirls around and jogs over to them without a question. he approaches them with a grin. “oh, hey! you’re the one that passed me earlier! you’re quick.”

“thank you, i like making boys cry.”

“i never said you made me cry.”

“you may as well have.”

“maybe next race if you can do it again.”

“oh, i’ll bet on that!” she grins, giving him a knowing stare.

logan smiles down at her. “we’re going to get pizza after this. do you want to join oscar and i?”

and the rest is history, as they say.

2015

"get off your homework, man," she groans, dragging her feet to where oscar sits on her table. she shakes the boy lightly, but not enough to mess up what he's writing, and pops her head to his side. "i'm itching to go get ice cream."

"let me finish my homework. my mum will kill me," oscar sighs, attempting to wave off the girl from him. "give me like 15 more minutes."

"you said that 1 hour ago," logan says, words muffled by the pillow he's got his face smushed up against. "i'm hungry, dude."

a knock lands on the door before it creaks open, turning the heads of two of three people who rest in her bedroom.

"dalton, dude!" logan grins, patting the empty spot on the bed next to him. "you're home! how was school?"

"i learned math today," the young boy excitedly answers, running over to the american with a giddy grin on his face. he jumps onto the bed, only to be promptly pulled away by his older sister.

"i told you to learn how to knock, dalton," she says in a tired voice. "and take off your shoes before coming into my room. remember?"

dalton looks up at her, wide eyes and lips parted as he tries to remember her words. he nods, bending down to tear off the velcro from his shoes. "i'm sorry, (y/n)."

"that's okay," she smiles, patting his head. "just don't do it again, okay?"

he nods, before hurriedly jumping onto the bed. this time, logan has the blankets up before engulfing the small kid under it with a bear hug. "what kind of math did you learn today?"

"addition," dalton mutters. he turns to look at oscar, who has yet to acknowledge his presence. "oscar."

"hi, dalton," he mutters, head resting in his palm as he focuses on the paper in front of him. "give me a minute, kid. i'll talk to you later, okay?"

"not okay," dalton huffs, arms folded over his chest. he leans into logan's knees and drops his head on the mattress. "i'm hungry, (y/n)."

she grins. "we've got to wait for oscar to finish his homework before we can go get food."

oscar sighs. he drops his pen on the table, turning around to face the room. "i guess i can take a break."

he gives her a knowing grin, rolling his eyes when she proudly smiles at him. he's always had a soft spot for dalton, the small boy filling up the sibling-shaped hole in his heart. "what do you feel like having, kid? ice cream?"

the young boy jumps on logan, prompting the loudest yelp to pass his lips. his arms wrap around dalton as they roll off the bed. logan launches him in the air and catches him immediately, a loud giggle bouncing off the walls of the girl's bedroom.

"i want spaghetti!" dalton cheers. "but you have to make it for us, oscar!"

oscar sighs again. he drops his head. "okay, i'll make some spaghetti."

2016

"happy birthday, (y/n)!" the door swings open, hitting the wall with a thud.

immediately, the girl shoots up from her bed, hair a mess with both of her eyes still closed. "man, what the fuck!"

she rubs her eyes, only to be met by the smug grins of her friends as they saunter into her bedroom with cake in logan's hands and two wrapped boxes in oscar's.

"we said happy birthday," logan says through gritted teeth, "say thank you."

"what time is it?" she groans, pulling the blanket up to her stomach. "isn't it a little too early for you to be terrorising me?"

"1pm is not early," oscar shakes his head in disappointment. "i texted you to be ready by 1! we're catching a movie, remember? we're supposed to go catch mockingjay in theatres."

she frowns. "i'm sorry. i went out with my girls last night," she explains, slowly moving to the edge of her bed. "i can be ready in 15 minutes."

logan holds the cake to her face. "enough yapping. the candle's about 5 seconds from merging with the cake i spent so hard to find," he sighs. "make a wish, scrub."

she looks up at them, daggers thrown just through her glare. she blows out the flame as her two friends cheer softly for her, oscar clapping before patting her shoulder. "okay, let's go catch our movie."

she holds her hands out to the boxes in his hands. "presents first."

2017

"hey, where are you?" oscar's face fills up her phone screen, eyebrows furrowed as he navigates the crowd in the mall. "are you not coming early for the race?"

she bites down on her lip and looks down, briefly avoiding oscar's stare. "i'll still be coming. just not so soon."

"what?" oscar's voice squeaks in disbelief, truly not believing what he's hearing from his friend. "but we always get ice cream before the race. why didn't you tell us you were ditching?"

"it was last minute, i'm sorry," she frowns, glancing at the boy standing next to her. "i'll just see you guys there."

oscar's face immediately drops. "oh, you're with your boyfriend?"

she rolls her eyes. "yes, but i'll still be there for the race. what's the big deal?"

oscar shrugs. "nothing, mate. i'll just see you on the track, (y/n)."

"hey, what is your problem?" she calls out, head tilting at his sudden coldness. "i've got other people to be with besides you and logan, you know. i have other friends too."

"friends, maybe i understand. but this guy?" he chuckles, rubbing his chin as he tries to sympathise with her. he really tries, but it's difficult when the older boy has made his best friend's life miserable in the past 3 months and she's done is defend him.

"mate, come on. be serious. he won't stick around forever - he's a guy."

"you're a guy."

"and i've never ditched you for a girl, have i?"

"i'd understand if you did."

"well, i'm not flakey," oscar spits at her, glaring at her through the camera on his phone. "i'll see you later."

his face disappears, the home screen of her phone now the only thing staring at her with the silence in her living room. she sighs and drops her phone onto the couch next to her.

"you alright, babe?"

she nods weakly, but her heart races in her chest. she's always been very headstrong and stubborn with oscar, but this was the first time he's ever shown a sign of frustration with her.

as deadpan as he usually is, her chest weighs down on the implication this young relationship could have on a friendship that's been going on for years.

"yeah, i'm fine."

"it sucks, i know," logan sighs, patting her head. he's leaned back against the wall, sitting up as she cried into his chest. "we're only 16 - this won't be the last guy you'll be with."

this only made the girl cry harder into his chest. truthfully, he's got no idea what to do. comforting crying people has never been his forte; being more on the sensitive end himself.

"i'll beat him up, though, if you'd like," logan offers lightheartedly. this is progress, at least, cause it made her giggle for a second before she resumed her sobs. "i can take him in a fight."

"don't do that," she laughs through her tears, "yet."

"i'll even take oscar with me."

"no... oscar's mad at me."

"he's not mad at you, (y/n)."

"but i told you that fucker was no good," an australian accent falls upon the room, making her lift her tear-stained face up to look at him. "i hate to be the one to say that to you."

"fuck off," she sobs, wiping her nose with the sleeve of her sweatshirt. "i already feel like shit."

oscar nods, but he does sit on her other side. sandwiched by the two guys, oscar just fishes for something from his bag. presented to them, three separate pints of ice cream with spoons.

she smiles, passing down the other pint to logan. but she doesn't say anything to the australian who's already opened up his share and has started eating.

she just presses her back to the wall behind her and looks ahead. she digs her spoon into the dessert. "i saw logan with a girl in the hallway the other day."

"hey, what the hell!"

2018

she holds up her phone, grinning to herself as she takes a video. she runs over to the boy zipping up his race suit. "oh, my god! it's logan sargeant, sir! can i have a couple seconds of your time for an interview?"

"(y/n), you made it!" he laughs, wrapping his arms around the smaller girl. "oscar should be around here somewhere."

"i wouldn't miss your first race, of course," she states matter-of-factly with an eye roll. she squeezes his side and leans in as he presses his lips to her cheek. she puts her phone into her pocket. "i'm always your biggest fan."

"you're the president of my fan club, right?" his eyes light up, teasing her as he rests his arm on her shoulder. "i wouldn't accept my fan club if it wasn't you running it."

she shrugs. "maybe, but i'm gonna need you to set me up on a date with max fewtrell."

"i thought you wanted to go out with charles leclerc?"

"he's got a girlfriend."

"i think max has got a girlfriend too," logan chuckles, simply amused by her presence. "tough luck, dude."

"man, i might just die an old maid," she drops her head with a frown.

"oi, what are you doing? the race is about to start," oscar scolds, hands held out as he scolds his friends. he looks at her, eyeing her up and down once more. "you're not dressed yet! it's your first race in a car. let's go, mate!"

"i didn't wanna seem so excited," she shrugs, "i don't know."

"well, there won't be a race if you're not dressed in your race suit, idiot," oscar scolds, pushing her towards the further end of the garages. "come on, i have to beat you again today. my race won't be complete if i don't."

"absolute bitch," she mutters, glaring at the two boys as she walks away. "i'll see you guys on the track - remember to look in your rearview mirror for me."

2019

the three sit in a circle, on her carpeted floor once more. "i'm sorry you didn't get a seat in f3, (y/n)," logan sighs, dropping his head in disappointment. "i can't believe it."

"it's okay." she leans back on her bed and sighs, dropping her head as well. she lifts it up again with a forced smile. "i'll watch you guys all the time, i swear. i'll be your biggest fan."

oscar shakes his head. "you'll get a seat. the season hasn't started yet - someone will pick you up."

she frowns, putting her hand on oscar's knee. "it's okay, oscar," she says softly.

how touching is it to have friends who care about your progression in a sport where you're meant to be selfish?

"you deserve a seat more than anyone i know," he sighs, pulling his legs up into his chest. he rests his chin on his knee. "it's not fair. they're overlooking you. you're so good on the track."

"not better than you, though," she jokes.

he looks at her from the side of his eye. his disappointment never leaves, "you could wind up being better than me. come on."

"there's not a lot of space for girls like me in a sport like this," she smiles slightly, squeezing his knee. "it's okay. i'll be at every single race cheering for both of you. i promise."

oscar furrows his eyebrows, still shaking his head. he's got 3 sisters - he'd be bummed if they were to pour their heart and soul into something and not have the same opportunities.

if he could, he'd simply flip the world upside down.

"don't give up, okay?" he moves his head, now cheek on his chin as he looks at the girl with hopeful eyes. "promise me - you'll be in an f1 car someday with us on tv. racing it out in the pinnacle of motorsport."

"obviously," she grins. "i won't ever let logan beat me."

"now, this is why you didn't get a seat, dude," logan jokes, exchanging a smack on the knee with the girl. "fix your attitude."

"i bet you're glad that i didn't get a seat - i'd beat you over and over in an f3 track."

"you'd have to get a seat to prove that, (y/n)."

2020

"i got you the seat!" oscar jumps onto her bed, grinning ear to ear. he squeezes the girl on her laptop, her head craned slightly to look at him. "you're going to be in formula 3!"

"what did you say?"

"you're going to be racing in formula 3 for the 2020 season, you idiot!" he screams, taking the laptop from her thighs. he closes it gently and puts it down on the ground. "dude, catch up faster!"

her eyes widen as the gears in her head slowly process what the australian has just bestowed upon her ears. her nose scrunched as a piercing scream slowly erupts from her mouth.

she stands on her knees on her bed, holding oscar's arms. "if this is a prank, i'm going to turn you into pastry!"

"it's not, i got you the seat in formula 3!" he screams, shaking her vigorously, jumping on her bed. "dude, you're a step closer to formula 1! i told you to never give up!"

"what do you mean, i never stopped racing!" she says amidst her screams, shaking oscar back as the adrenaline starts to pump through her veins. "i cannot believe it! i'm going to be in a formula 3 car!"

"yeah!" oscar jumps off his bed. "come on, let's go get drinks with logan! he's coming over with a couple of beers!"

she hops off the bed, her body going into his. they stumble back a couple of steps, oscar's back hitting the door with a thud. "dude, we can't just celebrate with a couple of beers. let's go to the club!" she shrieks, smacking his chest.

oscar tilts his head, lips pressed together. "are you sure? you're kind of uncontrollable in the club..."

"yeah, but i have the right to be tonight!" she rolls her eyes, "i just got promoted to formula 3!"

2021

"this formula 2 crap is easy," she mutters, taking her helmet off her head. she trudges towards the two in the red race suits, her balaclava also flinging off her head. "come on, oscar."

"oh, shut up," oscar laughs, wrapping an arm around her. "good job beating me for the first time."

"i made it my life's mission, actually," she whispers, dropping her head. she smiles, throwing her head back to look up at her two friends. "god, this feels amazing!"

"oh, i owe you 50, don't i?" logan frowns at oscar, hands on his hips. "i can't believe she beat you before the season ended. you growin' soft, piastri?"

"i just thought i should let her have one glimpse at beating me before i proceed to do it the rest of our lives," oscar snorts with a smug grin as he looks down at her. "feel it while you can, (y/n)."

she frowns up at him. "i'll beat you for real someday, pastry. i've done it once today, and i'll do it again."

he nods with a proud smile. "don't let that fire go out, dude."

2022

"oh, hold the front door!" she screams into the phone, turning around to smack oscar's shoulder. oscar, who was sitting quietly on her dining table, eating the spaghetti he's prepared for her household. "are you joking, mate?"

logan tilts his head at oscar, only receiving a similarly confused shrug from the australian boy. they both glance at her, confused, at her sudden scream amidst their dinner debrief after having not seen each other for a couple of weeks.

"there's no way! sebastian vettel said that about me?" she screams, smacking oscar's shoulder again.

"oh, you're kidding!" oscar grunts, smacking her hand from his shoulder. she doesn't react towards him, just jumps away to her living room with the phone still on her ear.

"you reckon she's scored a dinner with sebastian vettel with that reaction?" logan teases softly, pointing at the girl rambling away on the phone. "i've got my money on that."

oscar shakes his head. "maybe lewis hamilton through sebastian vettel."

they hear her heavy footsteps approaching the dining area. she simply drops her phone to the smaller table next to her, coming in slightly paler than they'd last seen of her a few seconds prior.

her lips slowly creep and spread into a grin. "i've been promoted to formula 1," she says breathily, her hand coming up to rest on the door frame behind her. she takes another deep breath. "sebastian's going to be race engineer in the 2023 season."

and all hell broke loose in the dining area that night.

taglist: @wcnorris @treehouse-mouse @laura-naruto-fan1998 @mindless-rock @inejismywife @vellicora @leilanixx @meadhbhcavanagh @2bormaybenot @ironmaiden1313 @angsthology

[warping-realities]

Bed and Breakfast (Repost)

"I can't believe you're gonna make me stay in a dump like that," said the gorgeous woman with an arrogant tone towards her boyfriend, not realizing the owner of the cozy little beach inn was eavesdropping.

"Babe, chill out, the place is actually pretty dope and seems super comfy. Plus, it’s got killer reviews on travel sites. We’ll be lucky if there’s even a spot for us here."

"We wouldn’t have to deal with this crap if you had booked a hotel ahead of time."

"Laura, sweetheart, you picked a trendy spot last minute during peak season; there’s no way we’d find a room, and yet you insisted on coming."

"Of course, all the big shots are here. What do you think my followers would say if I didn't show up? An influencer’s gotta stay on top of all the trends, Jeremy, and this is the hot spot right now—God only knows why," Laura shot back, making her boyfriend sigh before being interrupted by a cheerful and upbeat voice.

"Good evening! I’m Cintia, the owner of Cozy Cabin. Welcome! How can I help you?"

"Good evening, ma’am. I’m Jeremy Grant, and this is my fiancée, Laura. We’re looking for a place to crash."

"Oh no! I’m sorry, but we’re all booked up. Reservations have been closed for over two months; we’ve become super popular lately." The woman, who seemed to be of an age that was hard to pin down, responded. Though she showed signs of age, she had a vibe of joy and youth around her, at that moment tainted by genuine sadness at not being able to help. That turned into indignation and anger when the pretty blonde in front of her let out a dismissive giggle followed by a sharp jab at her fiancé. But before Cintia could say anything, Jeremy quickly jumped in.

"Isn’t there even the slightest chance, Cintia? It would just be for one night so Laura can snap some pics and post them; she’s a digital influencer."

"Really? I’ve never heard of you, darling," Cintia said, taking the moment to get back at the rude young woman, who couldn’t help but fire back.

"I work with a younger crowd; it's understandable if someone your age doesn’t know me," Laura replied, making Jeremy cringe and a dangerous glint appear in Cintia’s eyes.

"Ah, trust me, I know how to spot a real influencer with clout. Right now, we’ve got Miguel Ramos, the famous fitness influencer, crashing here; it’s his fifth year visiting us during this time. Which gives me an awesome idea to help you out. If you’ll excuse me for a sec, I’ll be back with some info."

"Stupid hag," Laura muttered bitterly as soon as Cintia left the room.

"Baby, you kinda poked the bear..."

"Don’t you dare take her side, Jeremy. How could she compare me to that fairy Miguel Ramos?"

"Laura, watch your mouth. I’ve heard a lot about Miguel Ramos; he was a respected personal trainer before he blew up as a fitness influencer and has a solid follower base."

That was a huge understatement, and they both knew it. While Laura’s follower count hadn’t even hit the hundreds of thousands mark, Miguel’s had already smashed through the million barrier. And obviously, the vain woman didn’t like being reminded of that and soon found a reason to roast her fiancé.

"Jeremy, that scruff of yours looks awful! How many times have I told you to keep your face smooth? My followers prefer you to match my look!"

Jeremy didn’t know if that was true; Laura’s followers really did hype up how well they matched in appearance. But he couldn’t help but wonder if the fact that Laura dressed him in similar styles to hers, combined with her nagging to keep his face smooth and his blond hair styled in neat curls, made them look so much alike that some people thought they were siblings instead of a couple. It was proof enough of a totally narcissistic nature, as the class bullies loved to shout. But every time those thoughts popped up, Jeremy quickly shoved them aside; he had long accepted that he’d be nobody without his girlfriend, to the point of giving up his career as a gym teacher to follow her, making sure all her wishes were met and canceling himself out in every way. Because he was dead sure he wasn’t worthy of her love and that no one in the world could love him like she did. It was exactly because he thought all this that when he saw Cintia return with a satisfied look on her face, he replied calmly.

"Yeah, babe, that’s the first thing I’ll do once we hit the room."

"My dears, I found a solution; it’s not perfect, but it should help for today," Cintia started with a playful grin and that spark in her eyes. "We have a few rooms with extra beds that aren’t being used, and two of our guests have kindly offered those beds to you for a couple of nights. In two days, Mrs. Goldschmitt will be heading home, and her room will be free if you want to extend your stay."

"You mean you want us to crash in separate rooms?" Laura asked, indignantly.

"It was the best I could do, dear. Of course, if that doesn’t work for you, feel free to scram and find somewhere else," Cintia replied with a frosty smile.

"No, no, that’s cool; we’ll take it!" Jeremy quickly interrupted, wanting to avoid more drama and losing the only place they found.

"Great! Follow me, then; I’ll have one of the staff take your bags to your respective rooms," Cintia said, looking genuinely pleased as she led them down a hallway and a flight of stairs to the first room. She knocked on the door, which was promptly opened by a handsome Latino man in his thirties, with muscles that popped under a fitted white t-shirt and a friendly smile on his rugged, bearded face.

"Goodnight," he said simply, his voice oozing masculinity.

"Miguel, darling! These are Jeremy and Lau..."

"You don’t need to introduce me; I’m sure Miguel knows who I am," Laura interrupted while Miguel stared at her like she was some exotic creature that had just landed in front of him.

"Laura... apparently she’s a digital influencer," Cintia continued as if she hadn’t been rudely interrupted. "Jeremy and Laura, this is Miguel Ramos, the guy we talked about earlier, who kindly agreed to give Jeremy the extra bed in his room."

"Thanks for the lovely intro, Cintia; it’s a pleasure to finally meet you in person, Laura, and you too, Jer..." Miguel started, only to be cut off by Laura.

"I think our followers would love a collab from us."

"Um, sure, we can chat about that tomorrow, Laura. I believe you both are wiped out now, and Cintia still needs to take you to your room."

"Yeah, yeah, you’re right; we’ll sort everything out tomorrow. Shall we bounce then?" Laura wrapped up, talking to Cintia without even saying goodbye to Jeremy, who then stepped up to his girlfriend and kissed her on the cheek.

"Good night, love; sleep tight!" he said before entering the room and watching his fiancée being led away by Cintia.

.....

"Welcome, Jeremy; unfortunately, you’ll have to take the single bed."

"Thanks, Miguel; you didn’t have to do that or pretend to know Laura."

"Ahh, I’m sorry about that, but I thought it was better; I know how sensitive some influencers can be about not being recognized. I’ve never really cared about that, but I’ve seen some awkward situations, to say the least. And about the bed, it’s just a bed; I’m not really using it, and Cintia asked me for a favor; she’s a good friend and helped me out a lot when... anyway, you’re welcome here."

"Still, you didn’t have to do any of that; thanks a ton," Jeremy replied as he prepped to crash, thinking about what Miguel had left unsaid. It was no secret that his breakup with his long-time boyfriend, a big-time film actor, had been a massive bummer, so much so that he had stayed out of the spotlight for months until he was spotted on the beach close to where they were, which is why the interest in the place had exploded. The only news was that he wouldn’t be staying in some fancy hotel but in Cintia’s cozy little inn. Laura should be stoked, Jeremy thought before dozing off; she went looking for copper and apparently struck gold.

Already lying in the single bed, Jeremy found the guts to say something else.

"Miguel, seriously, thanks a bunch; I really appreciate your kindness... but... well... I apologize in advance if Laura throws a fit about the sleeping arrangements... she’s used to getting her way, and... well... there might be some jealousy or something..."

"She doesn’t need to worry, Jeremy; I’m not into guys skinnier, smaller, and younger than me," Miguel joked, but it made Jeremy flinch.

"I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to offend you."

"You didn’t offend me, Jeremy; I was just messing around. You can relax in the room; as far as I’m concerned, it’s as much yours as mine. Have a good night."

…..

The morning sun streamed into the inn's bedroom, causing Jeremy to roll over in bed and wake up, rubbing his eyes, treated to a stunning sight: Miguel in just white underwear, his sculpted body on display, staring intently at the bedroom wall like he was lost in thought. At that moment, Jeremy felt something he never thought he would feel upon seeing another dude: a pang of desire, mixed with a familiar sensation in his dick that he only associated with seeing Laura’s naked beauty. His surprise was so intense that he moved abruptly, waking Miguel from his daydream.

"Good morning; sorry if I woke you; I forgot to close the curtains last night."

"No problem," Jeremy replied, hiding his erection with a pillow.

"Anyway, I’m already heading out for my morning run before breakfast."

"Oh man, I miss doing that!" Jeremy commented.

"Do you do this too?"

"Yeah, I was a physical educator just like you, but since I started following Laura... she’s not a morning person and gets all cranky when I wake her up early... anyway, I’ve been running on the treadmill while she shoots her videos at the gym."

"If you want to train with me..."

"Nah, man, thanks, but no. I’ll catch some more Z’s," Jeremy replied, still trying to hide his erection.

"Then I’ll see you later. Sweet dreams," said a fully dressed Miguel as he left the room, leaving Jeremy alone with his confusing thoughts.

…….

To say the trip had been a letdown for Laura would be a massive understatement. First, Jeremy couldn’t even make a simple reservation and had the nerve to blame her when he should’ve seen this coming. Then there was the beach itself; she had never liked the sun and sea, and just thinking about sand made her skin crawl. But unfortunately, thanks to Miguel Ramos’ star-studded divorce and his apparent bad taste, that little beach was the hot spot for the summer. Ending up in the same inn as him could be a golden opportunity, but for that, she had to deal with the arrogant old bat who owned the place, the fact that her fiancé was sleeping in the same room as that gay dude, and the annoying roommate she was sure had been chosen by the old hag just to irritate her. And it was with a look reflecting her inner bitterness that she waited for her fiancé to show up for breakfast, which only made her angrier, since she wasn’t used to waiting and stubbornly refused to call him. After all, he should know his place and duties!

It was with that sour expression that Miguel found her after taking a shower and getting dressed as quietly as possible to avoid waking the still-snoozing Jeremy. Seeing that expression made him seriously consider making a run for it from the breakfast room without being seen, especially since he hadn’t had a great first impression of Laura, which was confirmed when he checked out the kind of content she produced, with Jeremy looking more like an accessory to her outfit than an actual boyfriend, raising the suspicion that maybe the other guy was stuck in an abusive relationship like he himself had experienced until recently. But before he had time to bolt, their eyes locked, and a practiced smile crept onto her face, not quite reaching her predatory eyes. Knowing that game all too well, Miguel plastered on a smile just as fake as hers and approached her table.

"Good morning, Miguel; I hope Jeremy’s snoring wasn’t too much of a bother," Laura said, kicking off the conversation in the worst way possible and making Miguel’s smile fade.

"On the contrary, it didn’t bother me at all; Noah snored way worse," he replied, a look of irritation briefly crossing Laura’s face due to the comparison with her ex-husband. Wasn’t it enough that her boyfriend was sleeping in the same room as him?

"You’re too kind, but it’s my fiancé you’re talking about; no one knows him like I do."

"Of course, and if you’ll let me say, checking out your posts on social media it’s clear to see all your influence on him," Miguel replied, barely hiding the sarcasm in his voice.

"Thanks. It was hard work," Laura shot back without realizing the dig hidden in his comment. "Speaking of work, when are we gonna do our collab?" she concluded.

"We’ll definitely figure something out," he replied in turn, knowing that as far as he was concerned, that was never gonna happen. "If you’ll excuse me, I have an appointment now. Maybe you should check on Jeremy; when I left the room, he was out cold. It seemed to me like he hadn’t slept that well in ages." He finished with a bright, genuine smile before exiting the room, leaving a fuming Laura behind.

Although Miguel’s statement was meant to poke at Laura, it wasn’t too far from the truth. Jeremy had slept like a baby and didn’t even stir when Miguel returned to the room and got ready for breakfast. If he had woken up, he would’ve been mortified, because he ended up ripping off his pajama shirt in his sleep, and without realizing it, he reached for his erection that had returned with Miguel’s presence in the room, while his mind filled with one of the most different and vivid dreams he’d ever had. In the dream, he found himself lying completely naked on a beach not too different from the one the inn was on, and with the sun bathing his body, a beautiful blonde woman approached and began kissing his naked body. He couldn’t tell if it was Laura or not, because each kiss in the dream sent him into an ecstasy so intense that it overshadowed any sense other than pleasure, so much so that he only realized the figure in his dream had shifted to a muscular, bearded man with his dark body glistening with sweat in the morning sun, just seconds before he was jolted awake by the indignant voice of his fiancée.

"Jeremy, so this is what you were doing instead of meeting me for breakfast? Jerkin’ off in that queer’s room? How disgusting!" Laura barked, her face twisted in outrage as she found her boyfriend in that compromising position. Jeremy, caught off guard, shot back without thinking.

"Never use that kind of word in my presence again, Laura; if there’s anything disgusting, it’s those expressions!"

"Jeremy, how dare you correct me! Disgusting, yes, and even more disgusting are the habits of these faggots, but apparently, you’re already pretty used to it, huh? Jerk off in one of their bedrooms? And you didn’t even shave that gross beard. As if you just cut your hair without talking to me, I’m at my limit!" she fired back, causing all the layers of inhibition to come crashing down on a now more awake Jeremy.

"I’m sorry, babe; I shouldn’t have talked to you like that. Give me a few minutes to get ready, and we can have breakfast together," he said, falling back into his servile habits as he struggled to understand what she meant about his beard and hair.

"Well, you can have your breakfast alone. And you don’t even need to come with me to the beach; I’ll take Kayla to help me. Make the most of your day without my presence!" she replied angrily, storming out of the room and leaving a confused and still groggy Jeremy behind.

He, in turn, stood up and stretched, losing his balance a bit as he felt the strange sensation that he seemed to be a good few inches taller, which he knew was nonsense, since no one grows overnight other than the fact that he had been this height since the start of his adult life, which had helped him in many volleyball and basketball games when he was younger. Other activities he missed but couldn’t find time in his day to practice. He had never resented Laura for these things, but deep down, he couldn’t help but feel a twinge of irritation for having given up pretty much all his interests for hers. Shaking his head in an attempt to shove those intrusive thoughts aside, he headed to the bathroom and took a long shower, knowing it was pointless to look for his girlfriend while she was in that mood; poor Kayla, whoever she was, would have to put up with Laura that morning, he thought with uncharacteristic sarcasm as he soaped the six-pack abs on his torso, this time without trying to shake that thought away. After stepping out of the shower, he looked at himself in the mirror; for someone who could no longer stick to a strict workout routine, he looked pretty damn good; he was lean but built, and his short beard accentuated the angles of his face, framed by his golden curls.

Maybe it was time for Laura to learn to appreciate the boyfriend she had better, he thought, leaving the bathroom without shaving, before changing and getting ready to enjoy a morning of sun and sea without Laura’s constant complaints and orders, which without a doubt was the best thing that could have happened, said a new invasive thought that once again did not go away.

……..

Jeremy wandered along the seawall for several minutes, feeling the sand beneath his feet, the scent of the sea breeze filling his lungs, and the sun’s rays bathing his fair skin, even though he knew he risked getting burned; it felt too good to let go. After wandering for a long time, he sat down on the beach and simply let himself be engulfed by it all, a wave of peace and completeness washing over him. Without realizing that the longer he stayed there, the less white his skin became, turning to a golden summer tone, while his muscles expanded slightly, giving him the look of someone who worked out regularly and carefully. Lost in his own mind he found himself searching for Miguel Ramos' name on social media, and getting lost in the other man's posts.

And there he would have stayed without noticing the changes if he hadn’t been interrupted by a familiar voice.

"Hey, roomie, watch out for a burn on your skin!"

Looking up he came face to face with the target of his interested scrutiny in all his glory with a beautiful smile plastered on his face.

"I may not have your Latin genes, Miguel, but it’s been a hot minute since I’ve burned!" he replied, smiling, as that strange feeling invaded him again.

"Still, the sun around here is way stronger than what you’re used to. Let me help you," Miguel replied, approaching with a tube of sunscreen in his hands. "That is, if you don’t mind."

Jeremy did care, not because of any prejudice but because of the fear of what that closeness would make him feel, not to mention the erection that threatened to return. But at the same time, he couldn’t resist that offer.

"No problem; I think you’re exaggerating, but Laura will be a total nightmare if I burn; she already hates my skin being so tanned."

"What nonsense; your skin is gorgeous; that tan pops real nice against your blonde hair; it gives you a healthy vibe, especially with those defined muscles."

"Thanks, dude; it’s nice to hear a compliment from... hummm," he groaned when he felt the other guy’s strong hands massaging his back.

"Something wrong?" Miguel asked.

"No... no... it’s just that the sunscreen was cold."

"Ah, I’m done. Just a little more down here," Miguel said, his hands moving toward Jeremy’s buttocks, making him tense up.

"Okay, do you want me to apply it on your front?"

"No, you don’t need to; I’ll handle that myself," Jeremy quickly responded, taking the sunscreen from Miguel’s hand without even thinking about those manly hands being so close to his cock.

"And where’s Laura? I thought you were helping with her content."

Thinking about his girlfriend brought an unexpected wave of irritation to Jeremy, like a cloud blocking out the morning sun.

"We had a blowout earlier... she did what she always does, said what she wanted, and bailed on me; I guess hoping I’d chase after her... but not this time... she can fend for herself with her new BFFO," he replied with a touch of bitterness that didn’t go unnoticed by Miguel.

"Relationships can be a real pain sometimes."

"Ours isn’t, but I’m starting to think it’s just because I’m used to canceling myself out for her."

Miguel, who had already picked up on that, chose not to comment.

"Anyway, we should catch up later and sort this out; I still love her, of course, but some things are gonna have to change in our relationship."

"So how about we hit that run now, a little return to your old self?"

"Are you sure you’ll keep up with me, with all this extra size and already running before..."

"Boy, show some respect; I’m not one of the most well-known personal trainers in the world for nothing."

"Then we’ll see!" Jeremy shot back, getting up and taking off running.

……

Laura trudged through the beach sand with disgust. Her morning, like the rest of the trip, had been a total drag. Kayla was pleasant company, sharing the same interests as her, though she was in a lower tier with only a few tens of thousands of followers. Still, she expected Laura to return the favors she did by asking her to take pictures and film videos of her. Simply unbearable. And it was all Jeremy’s fault, obviously. She still couldn’t believe her useless boyfriend hadn’t come looking for her, and even worse, it was her forced to hunt him down again in that damned sand for the second time that day.

With that feeling, she watched two muscular dudes running from the beach edge towards the sea while laughing loudly and then diving in. A ridiculous and childish behavior in her book. So what was her surprise when she saw that one of those guys, the tanned blonde with a pompadour and a faded side cut, sporting a full beard just as blonde, smile and approach her with his muscular, sun-kissed body still glistening from the seawater.

"Hey babe, how was the morning?"

"Jeremy, how dare you leave me hanging like that! And that beard, you said you were gonna trim it! And your hair??? What the hell is this?"

"No hell, Laura. They look the way I like!"

"But not how my followers and I expected! You’re almost bald! That tan and those bulging muscles just don’t cut it!"

"Don’t blow it out of proportion, Laura; if I decide to shave all my hair, I will. Your followers have nothing to do with how I choose to style my hair or beard."

"Of course, it has everything to do with it; you’re my boyfriend; you affect how people see me!"

"Apparently, that’s the only thing I’m good for, how I make others perceive you."

"And how would it be any different? I make a living off this; I’m an influencer, and my boyfriend needs to be on brand with me."

"I’m not your accessory, Laura."

"Well, babe, in the end, it’s like you are!"

"So I don’t know if I even wanna keep this relationship going," he replied, turning his back on a furious Laura.

"Jeremy! Don’t you dare! Jeremyyyy....!" she shouted at the top of her lungs, but he didn’t look back and walked aimlessly toward the other side of the beach, under the watchful eye of Miguel Ramos.

…..

Jeremy wandered the beach for several minutes, trying to calm the influx of thoughts. He was torn between the despair of losing the woman he thought he loved and the growing contempt for that same woman. How could he have canceled himself out for so long? How could he not see who she was? And at the same time, she had been his life for the past few years; how could he live without her? There’s no way he could do that! Deciding to run back after her and humble himself for her forgiveness, he started sprinting. He only stopped when he heard the voice that made him start to associate with that strange feeling, a mix of desire and discomfort.

"Hey, Big Guy, what’s the rush?" asked a grinning Miguel, sitting on a bench at a beach bar.

"Sorry, Miguel; I need to find Laura!"

"And what’s the point in talking to her with your head all hot? Wait for you two to cool off."

"You don’t get it!"

"Ah, I get it. I get it so much that I’m gonna offer you the two things you need most right now: company and a few shots of tequila!"

"I don’t know, man..."

"Relax, dude, and follow me," Miguel said, grabbing Jeremy by the arms and leading him to a table at the bar.

…..

"I shouldn’t get in the middle of your relationship with your girlfriend. But I recently went through a messy divorce. And honestly, it took me a long time to realize I was in an abusive relationship," Miguel said to a downcast Jeremy.

"I’m not in a relationship like that; I love Laura," Jeremy replied, but with way less conviction than he wanted to show.

"And does she return that love? Does she love you the same way you love her?"

"Of course..."

"Really? Be honest with yourself if you don’t wanna be honest with someone you barely know."

"I want to believe that, but..."

"But you have doubts. Let me propose a game: I’m gonna ask you some questions about relationships, and for every positive answer from you and me, we’ll down a shot of tequila; I bet we’ll polish off a bottle in no time."

"First question: Have you ever felt like you were putting way more into this relationship than your partner?"

Both took a shot, and though neither noticed, Jeremy’s tan deepened, reaching a caramel shade very close to Miguel’s.

"Second question: Have you ever felt belittled by your partner?"

Another shot for both. And now Jeremy had shot up a few inches taller than Miguel.

"Third question: Have you ever felt like you’re nothing more than an accessory to your partner, that they don’t even see you as a person but as an object?"

Another shot. Another change. Jeremy’s muscles swelled, surpassing Miguel’s size and reaching the proportions of an amateur bodybuilder. The bottle was already half empty, but both men, who weren’t small, were already pretty tipsy, as that level of drinking wasn’t part of either of their habits.

"One more... one more..." a drunken Miguel said, looking extremely distorted in Jeremy’s vision. "Have you ever felt like you’re in this relationship out of fear... scared that you’re not good enough... that you can’t be loved by someone else... and that your partner takes advantage of that to keep you stuck with them?"

Another shot, and Jeremy’s already blurry vision began to swirl as a wave of anxiety took hold of him for finally admitting those truths, even while drunk. Miguel was spinning in front of him, and he felt an immense urge to get up and bolt, but when he did, he fell to the ground.

"Jeremy, Jeremy..." he heard the voice in the distance, that voice which stirred so many feelings within him. "Jeremy..." a voice that made him realize he could still desire and be desired... "Jer...." the voice that made him tingle just hearing it. "Jav..." the voice of the man he was in love with but couldn’t admit.

"Javier, get up; is everything cool?"

And Javier stood up amidst laughter.

"It’s all good, Miguel; it takes way more than a shot of tequila to take down a man my size," he replied with a grin, sitting back down at the table. At the same time, he ran his hands through his shiny black beard.

"Let me ask the question now," Javier said, beaming wider. "Do you think you’re ready to ditch this relationship and move on to better things?"

One more shot for both.

…..

Javier lay back on a couch of the exclusive rooftop bar Miguel that Miguel reserved just for the two of them, feeling his head spinning. While his roommate spent some not-so-productive time feeling the same way sitting on the toilet. As he tried hard not to toss his cookies, he felt his phone buzz. When he looked at the screen, he noticed there were tons of messages and calls from an unknown number. Choosing to deal with it when he was in better shape, he closed his eyes and thus didn’t see each of those messages and calls vanish from his records.

With his head still spinning, he slipped into a restless sleep filled with rapidly changing dreams, until again he dreamed of that slim, stunning blonde. In the dream, she lay down on him again and started kissing his naked body, but without provoking any reaction in him, nothing, no excitement, no pleasure, until once again the smooth woman’s skin gave way to the rough sensation of a beard brushing against his body, and it was Miguel who kissed him, reigniting the flame of desire within him. While he slept, he moaned with excitement, a powerful erection between his legs, until he finally woke up feeling Miguel’s real mouth wrapped around his swollen cock. Trapped in that feeling of pleasure, he pulled the other man closer to him, being overtaken by the now familiar sensation of raw desire.

After hours of wild sex, Javier sat on the edge of the couch. with the strange feeling that he had forgotten something, as usual when this happened he found himself mentally going over his posing routine for his next competition.

Every fiber of his body had been honed with the utmost dedication and commitment, and soon he would be on stage to put all that work to the test. He ran his hand through his raven hair and finished the motion with his soft trimmed beard. He knew he’d have to shave it before the performance, but he was reluctant because Miguel liked him that way. Speak of the devil, Miguel at that moment repositioned himself on the couch and smiled.

"A penny for your thoughts," said the smaller and younger man, but who had still earned the position of his coach and Javier’s heart.

"It’s no biggie, Mig; I was just checking myself out and thinking it’s a shame to shave; you like it so much..."

"Javi, I want you with or without a beard; I don’t care how you look; I care about being with you."

"So you mean if I were smaller and skinnier, you’d still be with me?"

"Maybe you wouldn’t have caught my eye right off the bat, but like I said, I care about the person you are; the man I fell for, and if he gains or loses weight, that’s not gonna change."

"Thanks, babe; that’s really nice to hear," Javier replied.

"You know what else is nice? Your posing routine, show it to me babe."

"You've seen it a hundred times, babe."

"What can I do if I can't get enough of watching my hot fiancé flex his muscles for me?" Miguel said with a mischievous smile, making a big smile spread across Javiers face, who even tried to pose seriously, crossing the covered area of ​​the lounge towards the balcony, but failing miserably and loving every second of it as he heard the whistles and flirtations of the passionate man he had chosen to have by his side.

……

The afternoon sun shone brighter than ever, but even that didn’t seem to brighten a sunburned Laura’s mood as she gossiped with Kayla at the beach bar while they discreetly watched Miguel and Javier talking.

"Is this a good time? They seem to be having a spat," Kayla asked her friend.

"Just because they’re serious doesn’t mean they’re fighting. If we consider their social media, they’re living the dream," Laura replied.

"You know as well as I do how misleading social media can be."

"Still, this is our chance to collab with them; it’s not every day we get to work with two of the biggest fitness influencers in the game."

"Smile; they’re looking this way!" said Kayla, making both of them flash identical fake smiles, returned by a nod from the fitness couple of the year, who then got up and headed toward the beach.

"There goes our shot," Laura grumbled.

"Don’t sweat it, girl; people like you always get what’s coming to them," said a smiling Cintia, who was passing by before positioning herself at the bar counter and grinning.

A grin that widened when she saw Miguel and Javier together on the beach sharing a passionate kiss. If there was something she took pride in, it was a job well done, and at her inn, that meant way more than just a bed and breakfast.

[louisjude]

the whole “you have no media literacy” as an argument is so funny to me because the same people who yap about it are completely missing the point of buck and tommy’s failed first date. instead of understanding and asking why it ended the way it did, you’re putting blame onto tommy as if he left you standing on sidewalk irl and then never spoke to you again. narratively there had to be conflict, because when people say “he’s throwing himself back into the hamster wheel” well, maybe that’s true at first.

he once again is finding himself in some sort of romantic endeavor without much thought, which on one hand kudos to buck for not having a gay meltdown after realizing he’s into guys too, it’s really nice to see that he’s mostly really cool about this new fact about himself—until reality hits.

suddenly buck is not cool about the fact that he’s into guys and on a date with a guy because no one else knows yet. he’s so caught off guard because he wasn’t ready to share it, it’s new and nerve wracking despite being an 🏳️‍🌈 ally 🏳️‍🌈.

there had to be conflict to get buck to the place he needed to be to continue his queer arc. while its hard watching tommy cut their date short, it needed to happen for the story to continue. it gave buck time to think, gave him time to really process his feelings and work out the issues he was having with his queerness aka being open about it. tommy even said he didn’t want to pressure buck and it’s the reason he cut the date short, because buck didn’t seem ready and tommy very obviously didn’t want to drag it out and end up with them both hurt more so than ending it then and there.

even after bombing his date with tommy he still seeks his sister for advice and ends up coming out to her (accidentally but it’s the first step) and then proceeds to gush about tommy even though at that point, their little romance was over.

we witness buck try to come out to eddie once before finally pulling up his big boy pants and telling eddie “it was a date, when you and marisol ran into me and tommy. we were on a date.” and then proceeded to confide in eddie that he cannot stop thinking about tommy and eddie tells buck to call tommy, buck is scared tommy will say no, eddie says if he knows buck’s an idiot he’ll love him and if he doesn’t then screw him.

tommy says yes. he agrees to meet with buck after the chaos of their first date because “of course” he wants to hear what buck has to say. he tell’s buck he doesn’t need to apologize but lets him anyway because buck needs to apologize. for himself if no one else. he realizes his behavior was bad, that it wasn’t fair to tommy. he owns up to it but tommy still assures buck he overall ended the date because he didn’t want buck to feel pressured. buck admits he wasn’t ready but that after some time and thinking, he knows he can not stop thinking about tommy and what they could be. he invites him to be his date at a wedding, his sisters wedding and tommy albeit dare i say, flabbergasted, ultimately agrees because clearly, he also cannot stop thinking about buck or else why would he have given this a second chance?

the conflict of the failed first date is there to show buck’s growth from that hamster wheel mentality to grounding himself into something he knows that he wants.

that my friends, is media literacy.

you can agree to disagree.

[asarigg]

Inside the Character's Mind: Part 1

mentions of physical, psychological and sexual abuse towards both Koujaku and his mother

SELF DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR

Let’s go back to the beginning. Or rather, what Koujaku tells us. He also talks about himself, of course, but usually when he talks about his past, most of the time he talks about his mother: because that’s what hurts him the most. He barely mentions the abuse towards him other than the tattoo and that one time his father punched him. But he always talks about all the hardships that his family put his mother through. And I’m sure you’ll agree with me that it is hard to believe that was it.

Koujaku’s father has proven to be an extremely violent piece of shit and a zero-empathetic person. I don’t doubt that Koujaku’s mother, because of her nature, was his favorite toy. What’s more, he did every cruel thing he could think of to her, his wife too, she had fresh wounds every day and she couldn’t even eat, and although it isn’t said nor implied I wouldn’t be surprised if Koujaku was a product of rape. I mean… most likely. We hardly know anything about his mother, not her appearance, not her name, not what she liked, not how the hell she ended up in that place, if there was any love involved in it or if it was something about debt, we only know that she was the perfect victim.

She was always saying sorry to her son, for everything Koujaku’s been witnessing, she feels guilty and responsible because he tries to stand up for her, and because she has brought him to a world where the one that decides for them is a criminal. She keeps a deep pain inside for everything that’s happening and she tries to hide it, especially from Koujaku, and seeing her son suffer doesn’t help. Smiling to him so he doesn’t worry, and saying sorry to try to comfort him. That’s why the last thing she repeats over and over to her son when she’s lethally wounded is “I’m sorry”, feeling sorry that it’s because of her that he has lived like this, because she wasn’t able to protect him, to give him a proper life.

Obviously all his father did was also psychological abuse towards Koujaku, even blackmailing him with hurting his mother. But I sincerely believe that his father would use physical abuse to teach the boy a lesson, nothing could stop him anyway, because Koujaku as a child complained and rebelled, he didn’t care if his father hit him, he would defend his mother regardless. This is why I sometimes give Koujaku more scars to his body, and besides defensive cuts I also give him cigarette burn marks. Lore expansion better known as adding trauma.

I think he just doesn’t talk about it that much because the abuse towards him isn’t what has hurt him the most. We ourselves often don’t give it much importance if someone tries to insult us, but maybe if it’s someone close to us, that does piss us off, some logic like that. Moreover, throughout the game Koujaku’s personality is just like that, always worrying about others and giving little importance to himself, to the point of being tremendously negative for him.

Don’t you think those scars would make him look more masculine, intimidating, as if he’s survived dozens of dangerous, tough fights? It seems the perfect image for an environment like organized crime.

Despite all of Koujaku’s feminine traits, the perception of him both in canon and in fandom (usually) is that of a stereotypically masculine, super straight man who fucks a different woman every night, always joking with “no homo, bro” (which, mind you, I’m not saying I don’t like these jokes, I make them myself too). But in reality that couldn't be further from the truth.

With that image that we have of him, sometimes it would seem that he is someone with prejudices or that he really had a hard time accepting that he’s not straight, specially when in the scene where he confesses to Aoba he says the following:

The reasons he tries to hide his feelings is a mix between the fact that they are friends and he doesn’t want to ruin the friendship they already have, that he wants to hide his past and that he doesn’t want to be a burden on Aoba, so he keeps all those things to himself. (And he’s also been educated a certain way and has always seen things one way, never gave it much thought so when it crosses his mind, of course he’s confused)

When he first met Aoba he thought he was a girl because he had really long hair, and after all, when we’re kids we don’t have very developed features anyway, it’s a pretty androgynous state. When Aoba corrects him and tells him he’s a boy his behavior is exactly the same, nothing changes. He corrects himself and never treats him as a girl.

He is someone who has no problem showing his affection for Aoba, neither in private nor in public, he’s very comfortable with his bisexuality, the only one who is reluctant to do so, either out of shame or fear, is Aoba.

What I’m trying to get at with all this is that all that “gentleman” facade and the “always accepting women who want to have something with him” that makes him look so stereotypical in a first impression has a much darker origin, although underneath all that there’s a much more sentimental, vulnerable and open Koujaku about his true feelings, expressing them even if he feels embarrassed, as we see on some occasions (touching his hair nervously when he confesses, of when he explains why Aoba's hair is so important to him).

The relationship he has with his mother is the most direct connection, or course. Being the son of an abused woman has made him hyper-aware of his position as a man (so much that sexism in this game almost goes full circle like the Bourbon family tree, but this is NC’s problem and it happens everywhere, it’s so obvious it’s a writers problem and it’s a shame it affects Koujaku so much because he’s basically the only one who isn’t scared of a bad bitch). We’ll talk about this in particular some more later, but let’s focus on what concerns his father for now.

Being the family of criminals that they are, abusers and… almost slavers, the most logical thing to assume is that they are specially conservative. It could very well be that his father, once he decided to make him his heir, wanted the image of his kid to be as intimidating and masculine as possible. A criminal, a murderer who could run his business in a world like this.

We know that the tattoo is an experiment by Toue, and it wouldn’t be strange if his father knew what was behind it, because after all it would also be beneficial for him to have a way to control him, to mold him to his liking and to make him obedient, unlike he had been behaving, refusing to be his heir and trying to defend his mother. The image of an effeminate, soft, sissy man was not exactly ideal for the future leader. For me, Koujaku’s father either already intended to name him heir before agreeing to the tattoo being an experiment with Toue and Ryuuhou, or he ended up deciding to name him the heir precisely because they had already talked about the tattoo and its possibilities beforehand.

His father would want to break him, drive him to despair so that he would stop resisting, take away his will and, although this is mostly headcanon, “make him a man”. Be a man, be strong, tenacious, learn to fight and find a woman to continue the family with, etc. So it is not surprising that at first he didn’t even reconsider his sexuality and thought that the affection he had for Aoba was just friendship, which over time, with such strong feelings, he realized was not the case. I sincerely love that he is shown to be so nervous and that he confesses to be kinda confused about it and in a state of denial, without having any external reference and too busy hating his father and Ryuuhou to even think about it, it’s normal that it took him so long.

He was trained to be a gangster, while his father insulted him, hit him and threatened him using his mother, on whom he took it out. This training also implies not only fighting but also for doing business, how to talk to be well-received, how to negotiate, how to give the best impression of himself at any given situation. This pack of skills seem to resonate with those that he uses to flirt and run his own business, even if he does it on an unconscious level, he just knows what to say to strike the person he’s talking to in their weak spots. His father’s physical treatment would not only be a punishment, but also to teach him a lesson, to learn to endure the pain, just like he endured the pain of the tattoo. If he cried, it would be shameful, he would be punished. He had to hide his pain, his feelings, his thoughts, for the sake of his mother’s safety and his own. Practically becoming a puppet, thus evolving into the life he carries in Midorijima as an adult.

Him not wanting to open up to Aoba wouldn’t be just an “oh he’s going to hate me”. It’s also what he learned would be the best, having a charismatic appearance that everyone likes. After all wouldn’t it be logical to not want any confrontation with anyone after all that? A tough guy, with people around him who admire him, who never gets tired or cries, because nothing’s wrong. In a way it’s also a shield, a protection, a defense mechanism. To be a man.

Now, the way he behaves that almost everyone without exception associates with his mother. And this, for sure, is the intention, his desire to protect his mother and therefore take care of the women he meets. But it’s also him actively wanting to be the opposite of his father.

What kind of relationship does he have with women? The contact he has with them is mostly through all his female fans, who are crazy to say the least. We’re not going to get much into the subject of sexism but first of all it’s a huge mistake that his fans are only young women or the way they make them all act.

Koujaku spends all his time building a character that he considers perfect, someone gentle, who never says no to a woman and is always available to entertain them, it would never occur to him to deny anything to any of them, as his mother was denied so many things. Unlike that hard and tenacious masculinity that he was taught to have in order to take on his role as the heir or the bestiality of his tattoo, he presents a gentle and chivalrous masculinity on the outside. What he does is pamper them and give them everything they ask for (almost, because has never really had serious relationships. Which makes sense because he would be telling them pretty big lies, right? That wouldn’t fit with his own code). He doesn’t think very highly of himself, he has a low self-esteem as he thinks he is nothing better than a worthless monster that should have probably died a long time ago.

Sometimes people who are abused go through abuse again, in a cycle. I think saying that Koujaku is a playboy is incorrect. (He acts flirty and likes playing around, sure, but there’s something deeper). That perception of him is natural, of course, because the way he behaves and how he is presented to you, is the image they want to give of him after all, in a basic and cliche way, so artificial that it is unsettling. I could believe that it sounds artificial on purpose, referring to that shell of how a confident and strong man should talk, if it weren’t for the fact that they do this kind of cliche and artificial situations quite often with other characters as well, and it makes it kinda hard to remain immersed. I honestly think that the foreshadowing could have been done a little better, but it still serves the narrative. Also this is practically almost all you see of his character the two first interactions he has with Aoba. Considering the structure of the game and how rushed everything is, it’s not very positive, but for the sake of your mental health it's better not to think too much about it.

In short, Koujaku is a very accommodating and attentive person. He listens and encourages others with their problems but doesn’t let anyone worry about him with his own, taking on everything himself. He even ironically tells Aoba that if he’s worried about what happened with Mizuki, he can blame him, and that he can always count on him to tell him anything. It’s a very lonely way to live, even though he has so many people around him.

Knowing this, it’s more than reasonable to think that more than him flirting with women, it’s simply him agreeing to give what those women ask of him. They come looking for something and he gives it to them. He’s a toy. It’s often joked that he’s practically a prostitute, and pretty much that’s what it is. And it’s in the balcony scene where we see a more personal side of him, where we can observe that in reality all this burden tires him, it’s not natural. It’s not like his character isn’t extroverted and charismatic, but that’s not everything, and in public he doesn’t allow himself to be “less”, so in private and in confidence is when he can afford to relax, with Aoba or in his own house.

Somehow, even though he is no longer with his family, the way he interacts with other people, or how he lets himself be used, be it consciously or not, even if there is a different intention behind, is not that different from before, people still use him.

BODY FOR SALE (child sexual abuse)

I’ve sometimes wondered if there was some sort of sexual abuse on Ryuuhou’s part towards Koujaku. Nothing is implied canonically, at least physically, but the erotic connotations of the story of the tattoo artist he’s based on, the sadism, the drugging in order to do something non-consensually, and his constant references to love make me think of it happening on a symbolic level. I think it’s obvious that Ryuuhou loves Koujaku, in his own way, as his creation, and he’s talking about love at first sight and the similarity of love and hate. Besides, the way Koujaku acts can be easily associated with it.

Even though he appears to be charming and flirty, he actually has a very low self-esteem, seeing himself as worthless, dirty, and constantly self-blaming for what happened. His tattoo being his shame and filth, something he doesn’t want to taint Aoba with, works just as an allegory of victims so commonly feeling guilty and dirty (causing them to. He shows unconformity when Aoba wants to touch him in bed (something that with time and the support of a loved one gets a little better), and when he tries to touch and wash away his dirt, his shame, his tattoo, Koujaku jumps at contact, which could also be interpreted as having a flashback or part of his ptsd.

All the anger he feels inside could also be part of the consequences. He mostly shows his hatred towards Ryuuhou, even though his father is supposedly still alive and was the one who did the most damage to them, especially his mother, whom he cared about the most. At the end of the day Ryuuhou “just” did the tattoo and his father has been treating them like that for years. So why does he tunnel all his rage only to him? Budget and time limit reasons? Maybe, but in this essay we’re not taking that. Obviously Ryuuhou was the one that made him lose it, torturing him ever since the beginning only to anger him, ultimately causing the death of his mother. But it can also be read as the response Koujaku had to a possible abuse. Ryuuhou took advantage of his situation, to stop him from resisting he could always use his mother. We’ve already seen Ryuuhou being referenced as male and Koujaku as the female counterpart, being lovers and enemies at the same time, with the female being associated with the powerless, abused victim, submissive, and being controlled by the male, as disgusting as it sounds. Ever since he was tattooed his body did not belong to him anymore, Ryuuhou made sure to mark his body and mind so that he could never forget him. He could have found refuge in his religious practices as well.

There’s always stigma around these cases, and the stigma around male victims makes it especially harder for them to speak about what happened to them. That sense of powerlessness, of losing control, of being less of a man, causing them having trouble with their identity, all of it is wrapped in toxic masculinity. All of this is seen in Koujaku. He keeps all his feelings for himself, feeling distant from other people and engaging in a lonely way of life.

There are people that report having trouble with their relationships with others not only because of the trauma that happened to them, but also out of fear of doing that very same thing to someone else.

This traumatic event usually makes victims apprehensive of any sexual activity, but there’s a considerable large number of victims that, opposite to this, develop hypersexuality. Sexuality is more important to Koujaku than it may seem at first, he sees his body as a tool for the pleasure of others, meanwhile his own pleasure is not important. He developed an unhealthy way of interacting with others, therefore he developed unhealthy sexual practices. This view of him being sort of a prostitute isn’t so far away, Flame Willow, the part of Platinum Jail they end in, pretty much looks like a red light district. It’s introduced as a palace for “passionate folks to get their thrills”, an euphemism.

He also smokes and drinks, which are not talked about a lot as an addiction to cope with his pain. In the Drama CD though they do talk about it as a way to escape the stress he’s facing because of the Tamaokuri, so we can assume that he uses these two and possibly developed an addiction, wanting to drink until blacking out to forget for a moment.

Even if the sexual abuse didn’t happen canonically, the metaphor is as close as it can be, so it’s in your hands how you want to see it. Even if it’s hard to talk about something like this, I really like how this was built, because something that isn’t sexual abuse (at least canonically, and I wonder if the allegory was intentional or not) actually feels like it, something that changed a person’s entire life, his perception of himself and the people he interacts with, an event with an actual weight, something I missed from literally any actual SA scene that we got in the rest of the game.

[immuneivory]

sweet tooth (741 words)

relationship: jon snow/sansa stark

rating: general audiences

tags: high school/college au, inspired by gilmore girls, fluff

"Juilliard still your first choice?" Jon asks, the question partly muffled by a yawn as he hurriedly kicks off his shoes and jacket before collapsing onto his bed with a theatrical flop.

It was late in the afternoon when he was finally able to clock out. He was tired, his feet and back hurt, and he was being followed by the cardboard scent of stale coffee. But the sight of Sansa entering the shop—the tip of her nose a bright pink, two steaming cups cradled in her gloved hands, and a beaming smile—made him forget about his aching muscles and heavy blinks.

At least momentarily.

Now that he’s back in his room, with the comforting warmth of hot chocolate in his stomach and free from the presence of his roommate Theon, thank god, he is about ready to pass out.

"Yes, it is,” Sansa says without hesitation, lifting her chin with a pretty, proud smile. She’s perched on the edge of the narrow twin mattress, removing her boots with an almost practiced amount of care. She then shifts closer to him, curling up on his striped sheets against his side. “The ballet program is perfect. It has some really good professors, plus it's close to here. Which my dad loves… of course.”

Yeah, only forty-two minutes away, Jon thinks, just the tiniest bit bitter.

He's proud of her. Obviously. He knows how hard she's been working toward this since—forever. He can’t even count the number of times he’d stolen glances at her heading to practice, her long legs in frilly, sheer skirts over matching light pink tights. Or the times he had caught her carefully wrapping bandaids around her bloody toes while passing her room on his way to hang out with Robb. Or the evenings spent alongside his mom, the Starks, and the Pooles, watching Sansa's and Jeyne's recitals—which would normally bore him to the point of literal tears, but he discovered from a very young age that Sansa has this unwavering ability to distract him from anything. But now, the realization that he had taken for granted living just across the street from her, hits him. Hard. Even his dorm is only a short walk from his mom’s apartment.

From her.

"Forty-two? How do you know that?"

Jon hadn't even realized that the words had slipped out of his traitorous mouth. He begrudgingly meets Sansa's gaze, her expression both curious and a little knowing, as if she’s seeing right through him—it's almost scary.

"You ever heard of Google?" He mutters, forcing an eye-roll as he turns his head away, trying to hide the rose tint most likely creeping across his cheeks.

"You looked it up?" Sansa asks, her tone brightening. He can see the beginning of a grin tugging at the corners of her lips from his peripheral.

Jon just shrugs in response.

"You looked it up," she repeats teasingly. Smugly. She pokes him in the chest with a slender finger—her nails painted a vibrant melody of pastels—which he quickly bats away.

"I was bored, okay? My mom was forcing me to watch some shitty reality show and I had nothing else to do. That's it." He scowls at his voice which, for some reason, decided to pitch up at least ten octaves.

"You looked it up," she says one last time, her voice softer now and all Sansa-like. He can feel her lips moving against the sensitive skin of his neck as she wraps her arms around his waist and nuzzles her face on his shoulder. Her earlier smugness now replaced by her soft, sugary sweetness.

He rolls his eyes again, but this time surrounds her shoulders with his arms and noses at her hairline. The strands still bearing a trace of dampness from the snow outside. Earlier, when he told her that she should’ve worn a beanie, she let out a laugh of pure disbelief. As if he was ridiculous for suggesting wearing a hat in twenty-degree weather, even if she “didn’t have one that matched her outfit.” He’s tempted him to bring this up again, simply to annoy her, but ultimately gets distracted by the vanilla scent of her shampoo and her warm breath below his ear.

Jon has never been one for sweet things but he'll make an exception for her.

"I looked it up," he finally confesses in a whisper, pressing a quick kiss to her forehead.

[little-forest-goblin]

I didn’t mean a word i said, darling

Synopsis: Five and you got into a big fight

Angst

You were laid in bed tears streaming your face.

Five had walked out the house a while ago to get some fresh air.

You and him just had a massive argument. What started as a conversation to the fact that he was sometimes very distant and needed to relax a little more turned into a screaming match about how he is trying to provide and protect you. All you wanted was to tell him he doesn’t have to worry all the time and that he can relax and not be uptight and wound up like a spring.

He was obviously tired and frustrated and you and him threw a lot of nasty words and remarks at each other. None of you were in the right for it. Tension had built too much and it spilled over in a blazing argument.

>Flashback<

You came into his office and behind him as he sat in his office chair as he poured over notes and files. You wrapped your arms around him and put your chin on his shoulder “Honey, come take a break i made dinner” he didn’t look up at you and sighed gently shrugging you off to your disappointment “Im really busy right now. Just go ahead and eat dinner without me.” you sighed “Five come on, you’ve been working this case nonstop for a few days now. You need to slow down even for just a minute it would do you some good” He didn’t look up at you again as he continued to work and spoke in a more annoyed voice “They are riding my ass, y/n. I need to finish this. Go away.” you made a noise of disbelief “Five for god sake you’re gonna crash soon. You haven’t been sleeping properly since you took up this case, you haven’t eaten or drank properly either. You need to take a fucking brea-“ at that he slammed his file closed and looked at you

Thats when shit hit the fan. When the jenga tower finally toppled. Nasty and ugly things were said and thrown at each other in a screaming match. He threw words as simple as annoying and as harsh as attention whore at you. You weren’t exactly innocent either though. You threw words as simple as negelctful and as harsh as closed off asshole. Neither of you were in the right for what you said to each other but both of had reasons for what you were feeling.

<Flashback>

-Fives POV-

I had left the house in a rage slamming the door on my way out leaving her behind in the house. I don’t think it would’ve been best if i stayed. The tension would only grow if we stayed together in the same house. I had to get air.

The sun began to set creating an orange, yellow and pink sky outside the windows of my the car. I have been thinking for so long. Why doesn’t she understand that i’m just trying to protect her from the shitty fucking world we live in! Why doesn’t she understand i just wanna provide a good life for her? All the thoughts were about what i was feeling how i just wanted to protect her but what about her? What about what she wanted?

i started to think of the words i said. I called her an attention whore and annoying. I started to really look at what i said and my stomach began to clench with guilt. Was she really annoying if she was just checking on me? Was she really an attention whore id she was just looking out for me? i slammed my hands on the wheel a new type of anger infiltrating me, self loathing. I did the nearest U turn back home as the sun began to set

-Your POV-

You were laid in bed on your side. you had a couple tears down your cheeks but the sobs have mostly stopped. You didn’t exactly feel the greatest and doing anything other than lay in bed for a while sounded like too hard of a task at this moment.

You felt horrible cause you had said awful things to him too. You were just worried about him. About the fact he isn’t taking care of himself properly and it worries you. You know he is just worried about you and just wants to protect you. He doesn’t want you to experience an ounce of what he and his family had too.

As you laid down you heard the bedroom door open and close lightly. A few steps and the sound of shoe’s being taken off. You knew it was five when he got closer. You could smell the aftershave. He had gotten into the bed and soon you felt his arm around your waist and his head behind yours. You felt fresh tears prick your eyes.

His lips connected with your bare shoulder “I didn’t mean a word i said, darling. I should’ve never said those things.” you took a moment to gather yourself and your words. You felt him sigh thinking you were giving silent treatment and about to move away but you grabbed his hand and gently pulled him back to you “w-wait…stay…” his eyes softened though you couldn’t see it and he came back up behind you pulling you in closer. You stayed silent for a moment enjoying his scent and the calm intimacy until you spoke “I know you worry about me and i know you don’t want anything horrible done to me but five i sometimes feel more like some china plate in a glass case more than your wife” he nodded and kissed your shoulder again

“I know, baby, I’m sorry. I know you were just trying to make sure i was okay and that i was taking care of myself but i again just wanna make sure you’re safe too. I don’t want you to ever experience a single thing i experienced.” as he spoke he held you tighter against him like he was afraid you’d disappear.

It was silent for a minute. You turned in his arms and held him close as well. “I didn’t mean a thing i said either five. I don’t think of you as a neglectful and a closed off asshole. I just got so mad and upset.” he smiled softly and kissed the top of your head his chin resting on top of your head. “I didn’t mean what i said either, y/n. I also don’t think of you as annoying or as an attention whore. I was blinded by my own needs and rage too.”

you and him held each other for a while just resting with each other listening to each others hearts. Soft apologies were whispered to one another and whispers of love were exchanged.

Now could you say this was the last time you and him were ever gonna argue and fight like this? No but you could confidently say that you and him were gonna be just fine and make up and pick up the pieces of each other afterwards never letting the one or the other stay broken and upset.

~Timeskip~

Five was in his office working on another case. Papers strewn on the desk. You came into the office as he was writing notes down on a notepad. You smiled and came up behind him wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed his cheek “Baby i made dinner it’s your favorite this time” he smiled softly. He thought for a moment to brush you away and continue working worried about people being out there that could hurt you but he smiled and put his pen down and stood scooping you up into a bridal hold. “Up and at your feet baby!”

You squealed in delight and your arms went around his neck “Five, put me down!” you kicked your legs a little as if to squirm away he chuckled and shook his head as he walked to the door “Nope not happening today or tomorrow” you and him had playful banter as you walked out of his office. You two have grown a lot and now understand each other better. he kissed your cheek and you smiled “I love you y/n” you kissed him and pulled back “i love you too, five”

———————————————————————-

Hi i hope you like this! its been a while since i have written a story. Im not great with angst but i’m trying! I hope you are having a good day i love you be safe out there ❤️ 😘

[ediewentmissing]

some of my eddie munson headcanons

1. loves liquorice.

i know a lot of you guys probably HATE liquorice, but something about him screams ‘i am a liquorice lover and proud of it!!’. and he doesn’t like the strawberry kind.

2. races to press the button in the elevator

“MOVE OUT OF THE WAY, YOU LITTLE SHIT!” “EDDIE, IT’S MY TURN!”

3. was rlly short before he hit puberty

eddie has obviously been subjected to a hell of a lot of bullying over the years, and just to add to that pile of angst, we have the idea of short eddie. gareth went through the same thing, except he didn’t grow as much. “how’s the weather down there, munson?” “fuck off, tommy.”

4. he’s either really hot or really cold

he’s wearing 3 layers half the time, and as little clothing as he can the other half. freezes during winter and sweats his ass off during the summer.

5. gets sensitive teeth

this is because he’s made himself eat a basket worth of lemons just to brag about it later on multiple occasions

6. enjoys watching b movies

those shitty low budget films? oh, yeah. eddie loves them. for one reason; he cackles the whole time over how crap they are. a great pick-me-up.

7. chews on things when he spaces out

the inside of his cheek, his lip, a pencil, and you can’t forget that one time he chewed on a pen for so long that all the ink spilled into his mouth and he was gagging in the middle of class

8. had a major crush on princess daphne from dragon’s lair

definitely fought over her with his friends. he was incredibly jealous of dirk the daring.

9. doesn’t like trying new foods

he’s attached to foods from when he was a kid (macaroni and cheese, cereal, mini pizzas, grilled cheese, and dishes from his mum) and refuses to branch out - unless you ask him to

10. swears he only listens to metal, but doesn’t

he wants to keep his ‘scary ‘music’ reputation, but it’s hard to do that when robin finds eddie’s abba and wham! tapes tucked away in his room

“i thought you were a, and i quote, ‘strictly metal-only’ guy, but i guess you were just a big pop fan this whole time” “quit it, robin”

he also doesn’t mind the country music wayne forced onto him when he was younger

11. twirls the phone cord around his finger

when he’s talking to you over the phone, you swear you can picture him clear as day; big sly grin plastered on his face, and his ringed finger wiring around the phone cord connected to the wall

12. graffitis

but only in the school bathroom cubicles and the hideout bathroom cubicles. occasionally you’ll go to one of his gigs, and then you’ll go to the toilet and there’ll be little drawings on the wall. a guitar, eddie the head, and the occasional shameless penis

13. used to ride bikes everywhere

USED to because he fell over while riding it when he was 9 and scraped his knee and declared he would never ride a bicycle again (thought that declaration broke in 1986)

14. loves roller coasters

specifically ones that take pictures of you - he loves to act all calm and collected while everyone else is screaming their heads off

“eddie, this is a terrible photo” “no, it’s a terrible photo of YOU. you look like you’ve shit yourself, and i look cool as ice”

15. thought babies hatched out of eggs

safe to say that when he learnt how babies are REALLY made, he was flabbergasted and very, very grossed out

[bibibbon]

as one of the three mustard fans i feel obligated to yap about him to anyone who will listen.

in the grand scheme of things he’s not particularly important, but the few scenes he’s in definitely are.

he brings up something that many people forgot while watching the show.

that even in a world where people can turn their skin into steel or shoot acid from their hands, a bullet is a bullet.

that no matter how powerful your quirk is, if you get shot in the head you’re gonna fucking die 😭 i mean unless you have a regeneration quirk but those are pretty rare and if someone unloads a revolver into your skull i doubt your quirk would be able to keep up with the damage.

it shows people that a villain doesn’t need a powerful quirk to be dangerous. someone who’s competent with a gun or a knife can be just as dangerous as someone like dabi.

he’s also extremely intelligent. being able to tell where people are based on the movement of the gas isn’t something inherently related to his quirk, it’s a learned skill. he’s also very skilled with his gun, he was able to destroy tetsutetsu’s mask with one point blank shot. as well as being able to hit the same spot multiple times to break through tetsutetsu’s hardening.

when kendo says that mustard carries a gun around because he “can’t win a fight on his own merits” as much as i love her, she’s really stupid for that.

snipe’s whole thing is guns. his quirk has nothing to do with guns inherently, he just chose to use them. and support gear is a massive industry in this universe.

and no one talks about why this middle schooler has a gun and is hanging out with the LOV. that’s not exactly normal middle schooler behavior.

i have some theories so bear with me while i ramble about him.

so obviously he has a villainous quirk. his gas can kill people if they’re exposed to a concentrated amount of it for long enough. and he can’t control where the gas goes, only how much he releases.

(this is more of a headcannon but i like it too much to not share it. his father can create small amounts of purple mist around his body, and his mother sweats bleach. but one of his grandparents could create an ammonia based gas. and what happens when you mix ammonia and bleach? you get mustard gas. ik it’s kinda dumb but i like it.)

i believe that he had a hard time controlling his quirk as a child. with strong emotions causing him to activate his quirk.

in this universe there’s definitely schools/institutions for kids with dangerous quirks. so his parents probably shipped off to one of those institutions so they didn’t have to deal with him.

i feel like he resents the UA students because if an employer sees they went to UA, they have a way higher chance of getting the job.

but when they see that he went to an institution for kids with dangerous quirks, he could be rejected on the spot.

tl;dr i love mustard someone please sedate me

Since you posted this ask to me Iam assuming that Iam one of the three mustard fans and Iam honoured to be recognised as such.

As you know I have talked about mustard before and the potential his storyline has here.

Your whole rant makes me think that mustard in canon is basically the vision people have for fanon villain izuku and I love it.

Mustard brings up a good point which is that people rely on their quirks too much because someone with a uselss or a weak quirk can still be dangerous and powerful by honing in their other skills. Heroes who rely on their quirks primarily and nothing else are the ones that get injured and hurt the most because even if you have a powerful quirk it's not guaranteed to help you in every situation. Sometimes quirks cant always go up against technology as we see in the vigilante arc technology can very much overpower strong quirks whether you like it or not.

Oh I actually do like your headcanon. Personally I have always interpreted mustard as having an anaesthetic type quirk something similar to midnight. I wish the series delved into midnight and mustard interactions especially because mustard is too young to go to jail as people in Japan can only be punished for their crimes when they're above the age of 14.

Reputations and public image are very important things in MHA whether you're a hero or not. Mustard going to that type of institution is interesting although I don't think there are any in canon. I have interpreted it as mustard having something similar to toga where they both suffered from horrible quirk counselling and were told to control themselves not taught how and an incident happend and they ended up here. However everything that comes to mustard to me is 10 times more interesting simply because of how young he really is and how vague everything about him is

[baekguuuuu]

Daylight

Characters: Baekhyun x Reader

Genre: Romance, Fluff, Angst, Mature Content (nothing too detailed), lyric-inspired: Daylight

Word Count: 26.7k (im really sorry... again)

Summary: Born, raised, and bred in the city. Life took a dramatic turn when the things you cope with became the reason for the conflict with your father. 

With your bags packed and the cigarette you sneak inside your suitcase, you hope for the best where life will bring you when you hop on the train with no specific destination in mind. 

Skyscrapers. Blinding artificial lights. Traffic jam. Fast-paced environment. Overpriced nourishment. 

Cigarette. Alcohol. Parties. Two-faced people. Hookups. 

Those were the things I was surrounded by as a person born and raised in a big city. 

Harmful lifestyle, people are being controlled by money, everything must be documented on social media—or it never happened, people whom you call friends even though they’ve been stabbing your back since day one, relationship that should be called situationship in the first place. And last but definitely not least, parents who weren’t there physically. 

When I found out that my supposed-to-be friends in university have been hanging out without me, despite the fact that I have asked them countless of times and they would decline my invitation, saying that they were busy, or something came up, or their mother had asked them an errand—all those bullshit, but in reality, they were together. 

I should’ve just stayed at home, eat junk food on my bed while watching Netflix, instead of going out alone and finding out that they’ve been shitting on me since our freshmen year. 

But no, I didn’t. 

If it wasn’t for my problem with falling asleep, I wouldn’t have gone to a pub by myself, ordering a few drinks to get tipsy so I could get some rest. I sent a message to our group chat, trying my luck if someone was available. And obviously, they all turned me down. 

“Yeah—I know! She looks so dumb when she smiles!” 

I was in my second glass when I recognized Lisa’s voice, trying so hard to be husky and chic at the same time. No name was mentioned, yet my heart started thumping inside my chest, slowly turning my head to peek over my shoulder to glance where the voice came from. 

And I was right. Lisa, Wendy, and Soyeon were there... and some guys. Probably their date—I don’t know. Then my eyes landed on a particular person who I’ve been seeing for a few weeks now: Eunwoo. Given that we weren’t official, I thought we were hitting it off. My brows drew together when I followed the hand resting on his lap, which was Lisa’s. 

They all said they were busy, and it was too late for them to go out, yet here they are. Giggling, flirting, drinking, and talking shit when they thought I couldn’t hear them. 

I didn’t understand myself when I decided to stay for a few more minutes to hear what’re their thoughts were about me. Each and every word they would spat added a needle poking in my chest. 

“She should be ashamed, to be honest. Her older brother has had good reputation since high school to university, and she has the audacity to just exist—” 

“Are you done?” 

The look on their faces is fucking hilarious when I finally had enough and stormed to their table with the most blank expression I could ever done. I can’t be more thankful that the pub has dim lights and they can’t probably see how red my face is. 

Who will pay for the afternoon snacks in university now that I know what they’ve been doing behind my back? How will they be able to get a ride to campus now that I’d probably never hang out with them anymore? And whose luxury item they’d be using to take a photo and upload it on Instagram? 

From a couple of shots to get some sleep turns into almost half of a bottle, and finding myself making out with a man who wears oversized and overpriced clothing until sobering just a little bit because of disappointment when this man, who removed his clothes sloppily as soon as we got into a cheap motel we could find, finished in less than two minutes, leaving me hanging and frustrated.  

I groan and ruffle my hair before turning my head to look at this pathetic human being who couldn’t even last up until I’m close at least. I put on my clothes and leave the motel, palming myself that the sky is starting to get brighter yet still looks dark. My parents will definitely go apeshit on me. Again. 

Did I spend the whole night—an awful one—awake, drunk, betrayed, and sexually frustrated? 

Yes. Yes, I did. 

I started walking home, totally intoxicated, at six in the morning, makeup smudged and reeked of a combination of alcohol and puke; while healthy enthusiast people would go for a run before starting their day. 

“Good morning to people who wake up on my bedtime,” I’d slurred loudly, clumsily waving a hand to them. Of course, I’d always received a look from head to toe, probably wondering about the condition of my organs at that point. 

“Don’t you think you’re too much?” 

I tried drowning my dad’s nagging by sticking my head further down the toilet bowl while I let out the immoderate booze I downed the whole night. 

My dad is the typical businessman. We’re not super rich to the extent that we have a butler or a red carpet by the front door—I think, but we do have some helpers to get shit done here at home. He’s become strict now that I’m older, but he did spoil me as a child, like a toddler-child, not the elementary-child because all I got during that time was trauma. 

I’m not saying he’s not a good father, but he’s really uptight, mainly to me, especially when I started getting into trouble as early as nine years old—I stabbed a classmate with a sharp pencil, but that’s another story to tell. 

My mom is the typical housewife of a businessman. She’s into wine and aesthetics. You know, she likes spending loads of money on marble things, antiques, and charcuterie that she never eats. She’s the madam of the house. Although, she’s the gentle parent among the two of them, and has no bad blood with anyone from being so friendly that she signed up to, at least, nine charities. 

She’s always present in those charities, volunteering—all that stuff, but never once was she present to my piano recital, school performances, parent-teacher conferences, the list goes on.  

“Can you guys—” she hurriedly closes the door and curtains that could be a reason someone might see the chaos inside our house, “—stop it? It’s not even seven in the morning!” 

I heard my father scoff, and even though I was staring blankly at the pearl-white toilet before me, I could imagine how he rolled his eyes, shaking his head in disapproval. Like he always does. “Yes, of course. What our neighbor thinks is more important than controlling your daughter. It’s your fault she’s become like this—” 

“What do you mean my fault? You’re her parent, too. And why are you talking like that? We’ve all been in this stage of life—” 

“I didn’t.” 

Ah... how can I forget about my older brother, Kyungsoo, who exists in this world to make my life miserable as it already is. No, I’m just kidding—or not. We have the typical sibling-relationship. Our priority is to annoy each other, until one of us snitches to our parents. 

Unlike me, who struggles to get a bachelor’s degree, Kyungsoo made it like a walk in a park that our dad thought’d be the same for me. He’s now aiming for a master’s, and he shows that he’ll continue until he gets a PhD. 

I close my eyes, on the verge of crying, because I know where this will go now that Kyungsoo has decided that adding fuel to the fire is a good idea.  

“See?” My dad’s voice was so loud that I felt the vibration on the walls. “Stop making excuses for the behavior of your daughter. It’s the choice she made—it’s the path she wants to go. Why am I still paying for her school? Her car, clothes—even uses my card to buy alcohol and cigarettes—don’t be surprised that I know! I always check your transaction history.” 

He ended his sentence by pointing his index finger at my face as soon as I pushed myself up from the floor. I wanted to say something—things that have been going through my mind, but I’m tired... physically as I haven’t gotten a blink of sleep, and mentally... for so many things I couldn’t comprehend. 

I know the three of them are waiting for me to rebut but what they didn’t expect was for me to nod my head in confirmation. 

“Yeah... I smoke and I drink a lot, I even used your card for motels—” 

I already saw it coming on how he would react, but not like this. Although, it’s not the first time he had to discipline me physically, nobody predicted that the side of my head would hit the wall from the impact of his hit. The scene is a bit dramatic with my mom’s gasping and Kyungsoo bulging his eyes out. I don’t think it’s that serious as I still feel okay, just a bit dizzy, though my lip got cut and is bleeding from the actual slap. 

Deep down in my heart, I hope that my dad will apologize for his outburst, but I know I deserve it when he coldly said, “I’m done with you.” 

My dad didn’t throw me out directly—or he did—but he clearly stated that he didn’t want to see my face under his roof. I tried to call my friends but remember, I have none now and haven’t been in touch with my high school friends for years. It’d be weird to call them asking for a place to stay for the rest of the summer break. 

Obviously, he confiscated the credit card I typically use and the car I received as a gift when I finished high school. 

I didn’t even get a chance to take a rest even for a short while, and immediately packed my belongings with a heavy heart. I know what I’ve done, and I kind of deserve this punishment he’s giving me, but could I at least have an apology? Because that slap hurt so bad. 

Alright, maybe he thinks that I do not deserve anything for all the headaches I’ve given him. But can he at least ask me what’s going on? How’s school? Did someone hurt me? Am I okay? I can’t even remember the last time he asks me if I’ve eaten. That goes for my mom as well. 

“Where will you go?” 

Kyungsoo asks with a low voice while he watches me struggle to zip the suitcase close. I had to sit on top so my clothes would be compressed a little bit. I can only manage to carry a duffel bag and a large suitcase by myself; hence I must compromise. 

“Here and there,” I curtly respond, not batting an eye to him. I grab a plain t-shirt and walk towards the ensuite bathroom to change. Although I still have alcohol in my system and I’m still quite dizzy, I can’t deny the fact that my clothes smell terrible. 

“I can ask Junmyeon hyung if you can stay at his place,” he says right after I leave the bathroom. “He’s rarely home and I—” 

I scoff, rolling my eyes as I sling the duffel bag on my shoulder and grab the handle of the suitcase. “Why do you even care?” 

Kyungsoo looks taken aback by my reaction, perhaps thinking that I’d be kneeling before him in happiness that he’s offering his friend’s apartment for me to stay while our dad takes his time to cool off. “Of course I care, you’re my sis—” 

“No shit, Kyungsoo,” I laugh incredulously, not letting him finish his sentence. “Just few weeks ago, you literally said to my face how embarrassed you are because I’m in the same family tree as you.” 

I saw how his jaw went tight, seemingly out of words. And I could feel the lump in my throat; my eyesight got glossy as tears started to form in the brim of my eyes. I’ve never talked nor confronted them about the way they communicate with me. Whether how hurtful their words were, I would swallow my pride and isolate myself with despicable things I’ve done. 

I walk past him with the initial thought of not looking back, but I have something that needs to get out of my chest. “And no, Kyungsoo, you do not care about me—no one in this house does. So don’t act like a big brother now, it’s too late to do that.” 

Nowhere to go... 

Those are the words I’ve been repeating as I stare at the train station from a distance. I still have some cash that I kept hidden in case of emergency, and now I want to pat myself on the shoulder for thinking ahead—even though, this is not a good thing. 

I’m tired and starving.  

And I’m hoping that my life won’t be dark and cruel as it already is that it would suddenly rain when summer just started. 

I heave a deep breath, closing my eyes before I wheel my things with me. I cross the road as I walk towards the train station, with no specific destination in mind. 

My eyes are wide open, looking at the big screen with the details of departure and arrival times from and to the places I’ve never heard of before. Until my eyes reached the last town on the list, it would take almost five hours. It rings a bell, but I’m unsure where and when I’ve heard of it or if it’s just a figment of my imagination. 

I paid for a one-way ticket, bought myself a convenient store rice ball and a bottle of water, charged my phone to the outlet at the corner of the waiting area, and hoped for the best. 

I’ve been out of the country, of course, but travelling to somewhere with little to no money, with no backups or whatsoever, is terrifying. I don’t know where it will get me, however, I’m already desperate and I, honestly, want to get out of here for a while. 

I still have a year left in university, so there is a massive probability that I’ll be back before the semester starts. Even though I’m struggling to pass my course, I don’t have the desire to just drop out. Even if it means that I must start making money to support myself, I’ll do it. 

You don’t know how to do anything. How will you survive? 

I can hear my dad’s voice inside my head, reminding me how useless I’ve been to the family. 

Nuisance. 

I was labeled when I got into a massive fight with my brother in high school. I got into trouble when I hit him with my fist, but he was never once reprimanded for the way he talked to me since we were kids.  

My surroundings rushed when the town's name printed on my ticket was finally called to board. People gather their belongings and fall in the queue, waiting for the sliding door to be opened.  

So, this is it... 

I can’t wrap my head around that twelve hours ago, I had a black credit card with me, drinking with no limit, and now, I only have at least a hundred bucks in my pocket and clothes from a quarter of my closet.  

My suitcase was left on the baggage area at the end of the carriage, while my duffel bag was thrown on the overhead compartment. I plug my AirPods that thankfully got into my pocket earlier—or am I still drunk to remember that I brought it with me, while I watches the window beside my assigned seat displays buildings to transition slowly to trees and empty fields. 

When I jolted awake from the vibration of the train halting to a complete stop, it reminded me, like an ice-cold bucket of water splashed on my face, harsh and cruel, that I was, in fact, not dreaming. Most passengers are greeted by their loved ones when they exit the station. 

Unlike the one in the city, the station in this town is open air, facing the blue ocean with the sound of seagulls singing around. My heart feels like it's being tickled by a soft feather when the warm breeze of summer air hits my face.  

I can’t describe the smell, but it’s nothing like the air I breathe back in the city. There’s a distinct smell of the ocean, though it’s not unpleasant, but more on cozy sentiment. The sun shines bright and there are trees planted all over the place, contradicted with the cloudy and polluted city I grew up in. 

“Young lady—miss!” 

A faint voice interrupts my thoughts. I turn my head on the side and look over my shoulder to see an elderly woman walking briskly towards me. Her hair is white, her skin is wrinkly, and the top of her head only reaches my jawline.  

She gives me a kind smile, handing me a phone in her hand. “You dropped this.” 

My eyes widened as my hands frantically searched for the device I thought was in my pocket. “Oh, shit—oh, my God, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to curse. I—” 

“It’s alright,” she gives my hand a pat, chuckling and seemingly amuse by my reaction. “You’re not from here, aren’t you?” 

I mumble an appreciation for the kind gesture before shaking my head to answer her question. “Uh, no. Not really.” I chuckle, a bit embarrassed that my appearance probably screams tourist. 

She looks delighted with my answer, setting her bag on the ground before clasping her hands excitedly. “We haven’t had visitors in this small town for such a long time! What a pleasant surprise this is!” 

“I mean,” I give her a smile before bashfully looking down at my feet, “trying something new, I guess.” 

“That’s wonderful!” she exclaimed, getting her bag from the ground. “Do you have an itinerary? Or would you want me to help you?” 

I hope my eyes didn’t glisten in relief when I look at her in disbelief. But then I remember how we were taught for ages to not talk to strangers, regardless of gender and age, to not trust anyone, to not take anything from them nor go with them to places. 

The old lady must have read my expression that she laughs, the corner of her eyes crinkling as they shaped into a crescent. “The sun is up, and there’s a lot of people around. I’m not going to kidnap you, dear. I’m old as you can see and can’t move fast. You can ask me questions about the town, and I will answer them. That’s it. All of us here get excited when someone visits this small town. Forgive this old grandma, my dear.” 

Warmth creeps up from my neck up to my face from embarrassment, concealing my scarlet red cheeks by looking around to act as if I’m looking for something. “I—uhm...” I rub the back of my neck, trying to get my brain to work despite being sleep deprived and hangover. “To be honest, I really don’t have any idea where to start. But would you happen to know where I can find a place to stay? Like an affordable hotel or something?” 

I internally cringe from the way I deliver the last few words. I sounded like a spoiled brat, and it’s not my intention. Maybe I should’ve asked where I can earn money instead... right? 

“Oh, dear...” her shoulders slumped as she sighs, looking like in deep thoughts while she thinks thoroughly about my inquiry. “We don’t really have hotels around here, but some families offer a room in their home for a price.” 

The horror-thriller movies I’ve watched before quickly flies out my mind, and I am that desperate to find a place to stay. 

“Do you happen to know where I can find one? But I only have a limited budget, so...” I grimace, internally crying with my situation. 

“Hmm... let me see,” she fished out a flip phone from her purse, dialing a number before pressing the device on her ear. I watch her every action like a lost sheep, making me realize how I took my lifestyle for granted. 

“Youngmi! It’s me!” she exclaimed, my shoulders flinching from how loud her voice is. “We have a visitor—yes! I’m surprised myself. But she’s looking for a place to stay—for how long?” 

She turns her focus to me, covering the phone's mic with her other hand. “For how long, dear?” 

For how long? Why haven’t I thought about that? I don’t know how long I’d be staying here... will my family look for me? Or am I getting my hopes too high for nothing? 

“Uh—two months, maybe?” 

The old lady looks stunned for a few seconds before clearing her throat to inform the other person on the line. “Two months, Youngmi. Is it okay—or? Okay, okay.” 

The phone call ended with a sigh and I’m not taking it as a good sign. “No?” My voice was small and quiet, feeling a little too hopeless with the thought that I’d probably sleep on the street tonight. 

She shakes her head, looking at me with sad eyes as if reading my mind and pitying me. “Her daughter-in-law will give birth anytime soon; she can’t lend her spare room that long. I’m so sorry, dear.” 

“Oh...” the corner of my lips curved downwards, feeling dejected, yet it was expected since nothing was planned with this little trip of mine. “That’s okay, though. Thank you so much for helping me—” 

“I have a spare room if you’d like,” she proposes, cutting me off in the middle of my dilemma. “I live by myself. My husband left this planet almost two years ago, but I do have some animals to keep me company. If you don’t mind some creatures waking you up early in the morning.” She ended her sentence with a chuckle, and I couldn’t help myself but smile, it’s contagious. 

“I—how much would that be?” I stutter, my heart thumping inside my chest for a couple of reasons. One, she could be a psycho despite her sweet appearance and would murder me in my sleep. Two, I only have a hundred bucks with me and have no other source of income. Maybe I can sell some of my things to pay for my stay? 

The old lady shrugs her shoulders, laughing quietly before patting and gently squeezing my arm. “I’m fine with how much you’re willing to pay. I’m already old and don’t need much money.” 

In a hurry, I unzip my duffel bag and hand her the crumpled bills in my hand, looking a bit guilty from how they are stored. I’m aware that what I’m doing is risky, but I can’t think of anything else other than a roof over my head. “This is everything I have right now, but I’ll find a way to pay you more—I swear.” 

The old lady looks lost for a minute, her eyes shifting from the messy bill on her palm to my round, pleasing eyes. “It’s—it’s alright, dear. Calm down. But—” she nods her head to my things. “We don’t really have public transportation here, and I usually walk. Are you alright with walking?” 

I don’t even go to the  gym to do a heavy workout since I prefer Pilates and yoga, but beggars can’t be choosers, right? Hence, I nod my head with a tight smile, hoping to God that it doesn’t look forceful. 

Or it did. 

She has a fond smile on her face as she shakes her head, dialing another number on her flip phone. “Baekhyun-ah! I’m so sorry to call you suddenly—ah, of course, this grandma knows how to use her phone now. Are you busy right now—oh, that’s great! Is it alright if you pick us up from the train station? Of course, I’ll pay you.” 

I am greatly astounded that this grandma seems to know everyone in this town, when I don’t even know our neighbor’s name even though we’ve been living beside them all my life. I’ve heard stories about how countryside residents have tight communities, unlike in the city, but witnessing it is another level. 

We both waited in front of the station for almost ten minutes until a beaten, on the looks of it, pick-up truck pulled up.  

A young man, looking around my age, jumps out of the truck. He has dark brown hair that seems really soft to touch, and a clear, sun kissed skin. He’s wearing a loose white T-shirt and a light blue jeans.  

“I should charge you double for interrupting my little date, Gran.” He laughs, giving the old lady a quick hug. “How’s your trip to the dreadful city?” 

The old lady who was addressed as Gran by this man, who I believe is Baekhyun from the phone call earlier, poked the side of his stomach, clicking her tongue. “It was fine, and we both know that you’re not on a date, Baekhyun. Everyone is out of your league.” 

Baekhyun places his hands on his chest, faking a grunt as if he has been hit. “That hurts, Gran-gran.” 

“Enough with the chitchat! Come, help us with these bags.” she pushed Baekhyun playfully to where my things are placed, and I think that’s the only time he notices that I was here the whole time. 

Now that he’s up-close, I’m able to see the moles on his face that look like a constellation, how droopy his eyes are, and how can I miss his triangular-shaped lips of his. It’s so pink, and glossy—what the hell am I thinking? 

“Oh, hi there,” he greet. Hisis facial expression immediateldroppedps, except for his ey, which quickly scanned my suitcase, shoes, andmy head. The tone of his voicbecamees hostile, far from his enthusiasm earlier. “From the city?” 

Five words. It only took him five words for me to realize that he’s not really fond of the city... or living creature from the city. 

“Yes, I am,” I answer him politely, forcing a smile that doesn’t reach my eyes. “Is there something I should be concerned about?” 

I saw how the corner of his eye twitches before he literally throws my suitcase on the back of his truck. My eyes widen and I swear I could hear my heart breaking. “What the fu—that’s a Rimowa’s special edition!” 

I’m fuming and I bet his ass that my face’s probably scarlet red, at the same time, praying that there’s no dents on my suitcase.  

“Baekhyun!” Gran scolded, slapping his arm, though she can use some force so Baekhyun and I can be even. “That’s not very nice.”  

Baekhyun, who is visibly upset for no reason at all, opens and closes the driver’s seat with so much force that I can’t help but flinch on how loud the door slammed. “Well—for starters, I’m not trying to be nice, Gran.” 

Gran looks at me with pity in her eyes, although I’m unable to comprehend what is happening, and what he saw in me that he made him this ill-mannered, when just few minutes ago, he was all friendly and making jokes with Gran. 

I have no choice but to shrug my shoulders, silently telling her that it’s fine and I’m not bothered at all. I really am not, yet somehow, I am. Or maybe I’m still hangover? 

When I open the passenger’s door, I’m instantly greeted by Baekhyun’s blazing eyes, trying so hard to look intimidating, but hey—that’s my life everyday back in the city. 

I roll my eyes, holding the door open for Gran to sit beside him instead, and I’ll take the seat beside the door. I haven’t been inside a vehicle which allows three people in the front—but I’ve never been in a pick-up truck before, so hey, who’s complaining? 

We drove for a few minutes in a very awkward silence, with me trying my best to look to my right and watch the trees and small houses on the side of the road until we reached the coastline, which, unfortunately, was on the left side.  

I’m appreciating the nature and this town in peace, being really careful not to glance at the man behind the wheel even for a nanosecond, but he seems to have a huge ego and scoffs.  

“Never seen an ocean before? Going to write blog about it so developers can get a piece of our land?” 

“Baekhyun!” Gran warned, scowling so hard that I’m starting to question if coming with her is a good idea. Because I seriously can’t afford any incident. 

I close my eyes for a few seconds, trying to calm myself and think of something relaxing and such, but the drop of alcohol in my system acts up, and something in me just snaps. “Okay, listen here, you motherfucker—” 

Adrenaline rush. That is what to blame for my sudden outburst. I can’t even remember the things I said because it’s obvious that they were nonsense and full of swearing. I probably uttered made-up curse words by each alphabet to showcase my pride and to prove this Baekhyun that I’m not backing out from his ego. 

I only stop when Gran shakes her head and places the side of her head on her palm, looking helpless since she’s sitting between Baekhyun and me.  

Fortunately, when I’m done swearing that my mama wouldn’t be proud of—but hey, since when did she, the pull-up truck halts on the side of the road and I didn’t even confirm with Gran if this is her house before I hastily open the door.  

I give Baekhyun one last look, and I’m not surprised that he’s already looking at me with much hatred and somewhat disgust. It takes a lot of me not to flip him off right there and then as Gran already looks so done with us. 

My breathing is restraint, fists turning white from how I’m gripping my palm, when Baekhyun decided to piss me one last time before driving off right after getting paid by Gran. 

“I won’t be surprised if you brought air purifier in that ugly looking suitcase of yours!”  

“It’s fucking Rimowa!” 

My glare didn’t leave his pickup truck once he drives off, chanting in my head to get him stung my bees on his dick. That is until I heard my metal suitcase being picked up from the ground I came back to my senses.  

“Gran—I,” I shake my head, closing my eyes, totally embarrassed from the way I behaved earlier with the man I’ve met for fifteen minutes. “I’m sorry—I hope it’s okay for me to call you Gran.” 

“Yes, my dear, don’t worry about it.” She smiles kindly, patting my arm to assure me. “I would like to apologize as well. Baekhyun can be quite... obnoxious.” 

“Obnoxious is quite an understatement for him,” I tried to laugh it off, dusting the duffel bag freakin’ Baekhyun threw on the soil. I mean, he could at least throw it on the pavement since it’s fabric and—oh... I see what he did. That motherfu— 

“He’s a nice kid, he really is. He just can get a little sensitive to people from the city.” Gran explains, gesturing with her hand to come inside her lawn. 

“What’s the deal with him anyway?” I distractedly ask, observing her pace and silently praying that there’s no bunker or some weird stuff around. Still having the thought of a scenario in thriller movies. 

I thought when she mentioned earlier that she has animals around, I’m thinking they’re just cats and dogs, and probably some rabbits. But what I didn’t expect to see is a barn with hens and roosters, pigs, goats—wait, is that a donkey? 

I was asked to sit in the breakfast nook in the kitchen where windows are on each corner, making the natural light be the source of brightness of the house. A mug of warm tea is placed on the table in front of me and I look at it skeptically, just a precaution and Gran laughs, shaking her head in amusement. 

“I didn’t put a potion or somethin’ on it,” she chuckles, “you want me to take a sip first, so you know it’s safe?” 

My cheeks flush, and I shake my head, abashed that I got caught doubting her. “Just so you know, I’m broke, and I have no money with me. I drink a lot of alcohol and I smoke, so you won’t make good use of my organs. I’m basically useless.” Okay, the last part hurts a bit. 

Gran laughs so loud, holding her stomach as she does. “You’re so clever, dear.” 

I scrunch my nose, repeating the saying: May the odds be ever in your favor, as I raise the mug to my lips to take a sip of the tea Gran prepared. “You’re the first person to say that—oh, this is good! What’s in this?” 

“Just chamomile tea with a teaspoon of honey.” Gran answers, her lips raising a little bit, though it almost interprets as sadness as she thinks of some long-lost memory. “Anyway, dear—” she changes the topic quickly that I wasn’t able to pry, “just bear with Baekhyun. I’ll talk to him to get him to apologize. There's no excuse for what he did, especially to a lady.” 

“Well, maybe that’s why he doesn’t get any dates,” I shrug my shoulders, seemingly impressed with how my brain works to roast Baekhyun until this moment.  

Gran laughs out loud once again, and I take a sip of the tea again, which is weirdly comforting and somehow nostalgic. “So, Gran, sorry for prying, but what’s up with that dude again and the piece of land he was talking about?” 

Her jolly expression immediately drops, a wave of sorrow washes through her eyes, and her shoulders deflate before she heaves a deep sigh. “I—it’s nothing, don’t worry about it. Baekhyun was just referring to typical businessmen who like to buy everything they find pretty for their own interest.” 

My lips purse while I nod my head, understanding her sentiment since my father does the same. I can’t even count with my fingers how many enemies he has because of it. “Yeah, they’re the worst.” 

“Okay, enough about this town,” Gran chuckles, waving a hand in the air to dismiss the topic. She takes the seat in front of me and intertwines her fingers before resting them on the table. “You appear to be hesitant, but I have a feeling you’re desperate. I’m not going to pry, but everything okay, dear?” 

“Yes, Gran,” my mouth curves into a smile, the doubt in me slowly dissipating, however, I’m still not ready to share my story nor give a quick overview as to why I’m here. Maybe some other day, but not today. I’m beyond spent. “By the way, Gran. Why aren’t you asking for my name? Aren’t you scared that I might be a criminal or something?”  

She snorts, giving me a dirty look. “You went ballistic when Baekhyun threw your things but didn’t raise a finger to him or me. I’m pretty sure I’m safe.” 

I press my lips together as a flush creeps up my face, still embarrassed by my outburst earlier. “Okay, let’s not mention that ever again.”  

I give Gran a kind smile, reaching my right hand to formally introduce myself. I tell her my name as we shake hands. She asks for some basic information, and I willingly answer. “I still have a year left in university, and I’m turning twenty-two in November. I live in the city my whole life and I don’t really have a good relationship with my family, so I can’t say much about them, but that’s another story to tell.” 

We talk for over an hour before I’m unable to stop the humiliating yawn coming out of my mouth. Gran shakes her head with a fond smile on her face before asking me to follow her to the spare room she has. 

The room is completely empty, except for a few dusty boxes on the corner that I probably won’t get near because I’m allergic to dust... I think.  

With the use of teamwork, Gran and I also managed to unbox and inflate the air mattress she got from Secret Santa from last year’s Christmas. I have no idea how to follow a manual and Gran is too old for such things. We both laugh it off and call it a night. 

I didn’t see Baekhyun again until my third day here. 

I came out clean to Gran the next morning. I stayed in her house and told her about my shortcomings in money. I had to ask her for sources in the town since I still had to feed myself, although she reassured me multiple times that I shouldn’t worry about basic stuff. 

She looked disappointed, nonetheless, and didn’t comment further on the situation as to why my dad kicked me out of the house.  

Since locals don’t know me yet, Gran decided to let me help in her barn instead. Taking the light tasks for now; such as feeding the animals, collecting the eggs from the hens, cleaning their stuff, and the lists go on.  

It’s a lot of adjustment since I do nothing at home, and have zero knowledge in basic home chores, what more working in a barn. But Gran is patient towards me, teaching and guiding, before letting me do the job for the rest of the day. 

On the second day—and the third day since I stayed here, Gran let me do the delivery. Nothing much. I just have to deliver the eggs to the market, get the money, then I can come back to the barn.  

I feel like a loser when Gran asked me if I know how to ride a bicycle since she doesn’t own a car, or vehicle, for me to use to deliver the eggs to the market.  

When she pulls out her flip phone and dials a number, I already know that my day will be ruined. 

“How come a human being can’t ride a simple bicycle?” 

I shut my eyes close. The urge to slam my head on the windowsill is too much. I can’t keep track of how many timeshas had said those words. 

For a second, I decided to protect my peace and let this be done with, butkepteeps going on, uttering the most sensitive topic in my life. “Didn’t your father or mother teach you?” 

“How come a human being like you won’t stop talking?” 

That seems to shut him up as he has his lips pursed when I peek at him at the corner of my eye. The veins on his hands become prominent from how tight he’s gripping the stirring wheel. Feeling like a little pride in me, I decide to continue—you know, just to piss him off since I don’t have my suitcase with me. “What? Did I strike a nerve?” 

No response. 

“You must love your truck so much that you both won’t stop making unnecessary noise—” 

My hands are fast to hold on titot on my seatbelt when Baekhyun swerve on the right, extending his arm to open the passenger’s door. I’m still catching my breath and my heart is still pumping rapidly in my chest. 

“Get out.” 

“W-wait, are you serio—” 

“Out!” 

He didn’t scare me. He looks nothing scary. But he looked visibly upset that I started to rethink what I had said. I wanted to apologize, but at the same time, he doesn’t have the right to talk to me the way he’s done since we met.  

Once again, I glare at his truck as he drives away with the eggs Gran asked me to deliver. It’s his problem now. I can just be honest with Gran and tell her how Baekhyun kicked me out of his truck in the middle of the road with the blazing sun in the sky. 

I keep cursing Baekhyun on my way back to Gran’s house. I’m really bad with direction that I circled the same intersection for at least three times. I’m sweaty, flushed, dehydrated, sunburned because I freakin’ forgot to wear sunscreen—and I’m not even sure if I packed any because I was hella hangover that day.  

“Thanks, Gran! See ya later!” 

Speaking of the devil. My heart is full of hatred when I hear his voice, the owner of the voice who is reason for my suffering; the reason why my skin is burning and my head spinning. 

Baekhyun looks surprised upon seeing me slowly walking towards the porch where he and Gran are, then his expression turns into amusement when he realizes I’m fuming with anger. 

“You motherfu—” 

I was cut off, or more like, my rage was cut off when Gran merrily called my name, clasping her hands together. “Dear, thank you so much for delivering the eggs. Though we were a bit late than scheduled, Baekhyun here told me that the market paid him well. And he lost you in the crowd? Is everything okay?” 

The corner of his lips quirked up, while the corner of my eye twitched. Lost? He freakin’ left me, kicked me and let me walk kilometers away from this place. “L-lost...?” 

“Yes, you got distracted, remember? I told you to stay close since the market can be quite crowded in the middle of the day.” Baekhyun lies through his teeth, and I’m amazed that he didn’t even stutter.  

I’m about to expose what really happened but he’s quick to walk towards where I am, bumping his shoulder with mine, not before eyeing my burnt face. “You look like Peppa Pig,” he whispers to my ear, making sure Gran won’t hear. 

I gasp loudly, having the strong urge to punch his face. However, before I can even react, he waves his hand to Gran who returns his smile, “I’ll get going now, Gran! Call me if you need anything!” 

I look at Gran incredulously, but she just shrugs her shoulder before chuckling. “You two are adorable.” 

“Ew—Gran, no!” I almost fainted right there and then. 

It’s no news that I’m having trouble sleeping, much more in this unfamiliar town, not in my room nor my bed. Though I did manage to close my eyes to rest for a bit, it’s far from sleeping to recover my energy. 

I’m already up before five in the morning and couldn’t be more surprised how chilly it is when the sun hasn’t risen yet. 

My phone has been untouched since I got here, hence I have no access to the internet, and Gran flip phone is not really functional except for making calls and texts.  

I tried to do some physics I learned in high school to balance myself on Gran’s old cruiser bicycle, so I won’t bother—or more like interact with Baekhyun the next time I have to deliver something again. 

But again, I’m not the wisest kid in the block, never was, and I can’t tell you how many times my face came contact with the ground. I’m close to getting really injured and was about to give up when a familiar, unpleasant, roaring engine pulled up beside where I am. 

“What do you want now?” I groan, praying to heavens to know what I did wrong to be punished this early in the morning. 

Baekhyun chuckles in amusement. He’s wearing a plaid shirt under a white T-shirt. His hair is a mess, and obviously unwashed. “Oh, now you’re learning how to ride a bicycle.” 

“Just—” I close my eyes for a few seconds, trying to calm myself so I won’t make a scene like I have been doing around him. It’s too early and most people are still asleep. “Be on your way, Baekhyun. It's too early to deal with you.” 

“Hey, come on now,” I groan once again when he turns off the engine and gets out of this truck. “Gran texted me to give you a chance—mind you, that old lady doesn’t text anyone. So, don’t waste the chance I’m giving you now.” 

He sounds so arrogant, and I’m aware that he’s doing it on purpose to get on my nerves. I press my lips together before forcing a smile, breathing through my nose as I raise my head a little to look at him in the eye. “Can you come closer?”  

But he smiled mischievously, shaking his head. “I know what you’re gon’ do. You’ll bump your forehead on mine. I’ve seen that trick everywhere, so puh-lease.” 

I nod my head and smile innocently. “No, no. I’m not going to do that, I’ll hurt myself more than I’ll hurt you. I just have something to say to you.” 

“You can say it to me with distance.” 

“Then I’d rather not say it.” 

Baekhyun rolls his eyes, huffing, before leaning his ear closer to me. “You’re so stubborn. What the heck you want to tell me—ah!!!” 

I normally don’t resort to violence, and I just mentioned earlier that I do not want to cause a scene, especially when the sun hasn’t risen yet. 

I just had to do it. 

As soon as his ear was a few centimeters away from my mouth, even though he was not yet done talking, I opened my mouth and sink my teeth on it. I meant to let him experience my wrath just a little bit, however, I don’t know what’s gotten into me that I bit him harder than I intended to. Or maybe I didn’t expect him to squeal like a girl. 

Expectedly, Gran walks out of the front door with a lamp in her hand, still in her sleepwear and obviously just woken up from how loud Baekhyun was. Not only Gran, but the houses nearby light up to let us know they were awakened by the noise. 

“I’m so disappointed to both of you.” Gran shakes her head as me and Baekhyun sit in her living room, the latter holding his ear as he pouts. “I don’t understand why the both of you can’t get along? Or just be civil with each other? If you don’t like each other, just don’t talk, don’t interact—and I don’t even want to know how Baekhyun ended up with a bleeding ear.” 

I can only roll my eyes when Baekhyun points his finger at my face, plastering an innocent face. “Oh, sure. Blame it on the person from the city, because I’m the bad guy here, and you’re an innocent countryside jerk.” 

He looks taken aback by what I said. He opens his mouth and closes it a few times like a fish out of water, but no words came out from his mouth. 

“Okay, now...” Gran tries to calm us down, more specifically to me. “Dear, please... let’s keep everything in place and talk calmly. Can we do that, please, hmm?” 

“I don’t know your beef with people from the city—” I ignore Gran and lock my eyes with Baekhyun who looks surprised as the old lady standing in front of us. “—but there are thousands of people living there, millions even, and I do not know each one of them. If you have a problem with them, then take it out on them, not on me! I don’t even know you and you’ve been nothing but disrespectful to me the minute we met. And now you’re going to blame me for—” 

“Okay, dear, calm down...” Gran had to sit down between us and place her hand on my arm, “you made your point, and we understood it. Right, Baekhyun?” 

The guy just stares at my face, not moving a single muscle, that, until Gran nudges his knee. “Y-yeah...” 

“And what do you say, Baekhyun?” Gran presses on, urging an apology from him. 

Baekhyun sighs, licking his bottom lip. “I—I’m sorry...” 

“Thank you, Baekhyun,” Gran smiles before turning her attention back to me. “Dear?” 

My eyes widen as I gape at her. “Why me—” 

“It’s never okay to hurt someone, dear...” 

I sigh in defeat, definitely agreeing with her sentiment. “Fine. I’m sorry for biting your ear.” But I don’t think I need to apologize for anything else than that. 

It feels like déjà vu the next time I see Baekhyun. It’s almost five in the morning, and I’m teaching myself to ride a bicycle again when his truck pulls up.  

“’Sup?” 

I dramatically groan, placing my feet on the ground to balance myself as I watch him get out of his truck. “What now, Baekhyun? Do you want your other ear to get bitten this time—and why the hell are you out this early?” 

Baekhyun scrunches up his face in judgement, or disgust—I can’t really distinguish. He places a hand on the handlebar just beside my own hand and wiggles it as if to test if it’s sturdy enough. “I think this need a little bit of fixing, and I can see from here how rusty the chain is, we might need to oil or, worst scenario, change it.” 

He ends his sentence with a smile, which made me frown because he never smiles when my presence is around. My face contorted, unable to comprehend what was happening. Then I raise my brows at him to answer my question earlier, and I’m glad he gets the message. 

“I help with the boats at midnight, and we just finished a while ago. This is like my part-time job. And no, I don’t want my other ear to get bitten, thank you very much.” 

I look at him skeptically, “Okay... and what are you doing here? Talking to me like a normal person?” 

He sighs, his chest puffing out as he does. “Well, we were off to a bad start, and I do realize how jerk I was to you. And I would like to apologize for the way I behaved. I also want you to know that I’m not kind of a person.” 

“Gran wrote that script, yes?” I roll my eyes, though I can’t stop the corner of my lips from curving up. 

Even with the lack of bright rays of the sun, and the only source of light is from the lamppost on the road, I see how he smiles as well. “That obvious, huh?” 

“Very,” I chuckle, slapping his hand away from the handlebar. “The choice of words was much mature and totally far from who you are.” 

“Hey! I rehearsed my lines all night. Be appreciative, can you?” 

“Oh, I will, once you fixed the chain something—I’m not really sure what’s the function of,” I get off the bike and push it towards Baekhyun who drops his expression to a deadpan. 

“Will I be getting paid?” he asks, taking a quick look at Gran’s old cruiser bicycle.  

“Well, I don’t have extra money,” I sniff, looking away to hide my broke-ness, and play it cool. And I was quick to stop him when he was about to drop the bike when he learned I don’t have money to pay him. “I can show you my tits? Guys like chest, right? They’re not that big but they’re pretty decent—” 

“What the fu—” 

“Okay, okay! I’m just kidding, sheesh!” Or not. 

“Just stop talking. Can you do that, please?” he emphasizes the last word as he started working on the bicycle and I nod my head like an obedient child. 

Almost half an hour later and a greasy Baekhyun, I’m finally back on my bicycle, learning how to cruise without falling face first.  

By six-thirty in the morning, Gran walks out of the front door, beyond surprise to see Baekhyun helping me attach a semi-large basket on the rear rack of the bicycle. “Lovely morning, kids! And Baekhyun, you need a bath.” 

I look at the man in topic, eyeing him from head to toe and boy did he need a good ol’ scrubbing. “He does.” 

Baekhyun looks me dead in the eye before raising his brows. “Seriously? After I explained what a chain does to a bicycle after I taught you how to balance yourself by pedaling because physics wasn’t working, and gravity was failing you?” 

“Shut up! That’s supposed to be a secret and not to be said out loud.” I walk past him, purposely bumping my shoulder on him. “And you stink; you really do need a bath.” 

“Okay—come on, come on. Don’t ruin the bond you just created,” Gran waves her hand for us to go inside. “Let’s have breakfast together. And Baekhyun, please, help yourself in the bathroom.” 

And I received another glare when I snickered not so subtly. 

Since that eventful morning, I’ve been civil with Baekhyun. We may bicker here and there, but no ear-biting incident has ever occurred henceforth. 

I’ve also been delivering stuff to the market, or sometimes door to door, when Gran needs a helping hand. My bicycle journey is going well, though there were few minor troubles, but nothing serious that should be cause for concern. 

At times, if he had time, he’d go with me to the market or around the town—or maybe, most probably rather, Gran forced him to. 

And that became the reason as why I met Jisoo. The gorgeous lady that is way out of his league. 

“Gran’s right, everyone is out of your league,” I mutter as soon as Jisoo is already out of sight.  

We stopped by the bakery which Jisoo’s family runs and where she works. She’s nice and friendly, already asked me to come by next time I’m free so she can give me a proper tour around. And I didn’t fail to notice how Baekhyun ogles at her. He looked like he was about to whack my head when I used that term to explain how he was looking at the lady. 

“Not everyone, because that means you’re included,” he simply answers. My eyes widen in shock, gaping at what he just said. Fortunately, he immediately clears things up, but not before rolling his eyes and scoffing. “I am the one who’s out of your league. I’m way better than you.” 

Although I find it offensive, I sigh in relief and wipe an imaginary sweat on my forehead. “Phew, for a minute I thought you were flirting with me.” 

“I’m offended.” 

I think it’s been over two weeks now or so—I don’t know, I stopped counting the days. 

I’m scared to turn on my phone. I’m scared that there will be no text messages nor calls from my family asking my whereabouts or showing their worry on my well-being.  

I’m scared because I have a feeling inside me that I already know the answer to that. 

Always have been. 

The clock shows two in the morning, and I’m on Gran’s roof with the pack of cigarettes I didn’t forget to bring along. Putting a stick between my lips before inhaling deeply, holding my breath for a second, and exhaling the smoke out of my mouth. 

This always made me calm; my nerves feel soothed, my mind would stop running for a minute, and the smell developed as a comfort to me. 

Although I know the risks of smoking, it’s the only way that I know of to cope in life... my life. 

“Holy crap, I thought something was burning up here.” 

I almost jumped from the roof when a voice interrupted my deep thoughts. And my reflex is to throw away the butt of the cigarette after squashing down the tip.  

I peek over my shoulder and see Baekhyun carefully scooting next to me, making sure that his movement won’t make a fuss and wake up the owner of the house. 

“What the hell? Do you really appear everywhere I’d go?” I roll my eyes at him, taking another stick from the box and offering it to him, which he declines almost immediately. 

“I didn’t know you smoke,” Baekhyun mumbles while he watches me flick the lighter to the tip of the cigarette. “That’s not really good for your health, or mine, since you’re exposing me to secondhand smoking.” 

I chuckle at him quite lowly, looking up to the dark sky filled with stars, which I don’t often get to see back at home as the light pollution in the city is crazy. “Tell me something I don’t know, Baekhyun, then I might be interested to listen. And you’re the one who came up here, you’re free to go and save your lungs, mister.” 

I expected another smart response from him per our usual banter, but when I heard nothing, I carefully remove my stare from the sky to look at him, and more than surprise to see him already looking at my face with expression I can’t define.  

“W-what?” My voice tried so hard to sound my normal self, but it came out breathless.  

He blinks as if he’s snaps out of his trance. “I—n-nothing... I’m just curious...” 

I sniff, sitting up straight before smiling innocently at him. “Oh, I like where this is going. You’re curious about my life. Okay, Baekhyun, ask away. I’m so glad finally pique your interest.” 

Baekhyun looks like he’s about to toss me out of the roof, so I instantly shut my mouth and smile even more. Then he clears his throat, exhaling heavily. “I’m just curious... I mean I know your name, but from Gran. I know we’re almost the same age, and you’re from the city. However, when I asked Gran about why you’re here, because you’re obviously not here to be a tourist, she won’t tell me.” 

My eyes squint at him for a second, and then I proceed to raise a brow at him. “So, you want the tea?” 

He tilts his head, seemingly confused. “What tea?” 

“Never mind,” I purse my lips, breathing through my nose, trying so hard not to say something ridiculous. 

He snorts, shaking his head. “I’m just kidding, I know what tea means. For your information, we’re quite civilized here.” 

I exhale in relief, holding a hand on my chest. “Oh, that’s great to hear. I was about to say green tea or chamomile tea.” 

Baekhyun laughed out loud, “You’re so lame!” and I had to place my palm on his mouth.  

“Shh! You’ll wake Gran up!” When he nods his head, I disgustingly look at my palm, playfully wiping it on his shirt. 

“So...” he trails off, poking my arm with his finger. “You deliver eggs to the market, but you use a very expensive sunscreen. You’re not here for a vacation, aren’t you?” 

“Not beating around the bush, I see.” I tried to laugh it off, trying my luck that maybe he’d change the topic, but he raises his brows as he waits for my answer. “Well... it’s a long story.” 

“I’m done working, so I have all night to listen.” he answers immediately, pushing my shoulder with his. “Come on.” 

I exhale through my nose, lifting the cigarette up in the air. “You see this? My dad hates this, and alcohol. I do a lot of both, apparently. So, he threw me out of the house. He also confiscated my credit card and I only had around hundred bucks, so Gran took me in.” 

It’s not like I’m not comfortable telling people what I’ve done to get my father ballistic, but I honestly don’t know how to put what really happened in words. I don’t know how to verbalize things, emotions, and such. So, I’m really out of place when Baekhyun waits for another word to come out of my mouth. 

“End of story,” I grin at him, hoping that he won’t be able to read my mind.  

He looks at my face for a few moments, not leaving my eyes as it feels like he’s staring into my soul, as dramatic as it may sound. “That’s a really long story,” he shakes his head, and the tone of his voice is sarcastic. He stood on his feet and dusted his pants, “You seem no fun. I’m going home now.” 

I send him a glare before scrunching my nose at him. “I’m just confirming your assumption of me being a spoiled brat.” 

“I never said you’re a spoiled brat,” he quickly denies, looking at me like I have two heads on my neck. 

“But you’ve thought about it,” I tease him, wiggling my eyebrows at him. 

“You can’t blame me for that though. You keep saying: it’s Rimowa, it’s Rimowa, that I had to search on the internet what the heck is a Rimowa. I honestly thought it was a freakin’ country!” 

It was my turn to laugh out loud, and he had to put his palm on my mouth. 

The next time I see Baek,hyun it is almost five in the morning. I couldn’t sleep; hence I let my curiosity get the best out of me and went to where the “boats” are. 

It’s still dark, although the streetlamps illuminate the path on the way there. As I near the dock, my surroundings come from crickets to men shouting and laughing, I’m not sure anymore, but they’re thunderous. 

“Excuse me,” I raise a hand to a middle-aged man who’s about to pass by. He looks confused as he waits for me to talk. “Is Baekhyun around?” 

The man's frown fades away. Baekhyun’s name must’ve rang a bell. “Oh, Byun? I think he’s still on Youngtae’s boat.” 

There are hundreds of things going through my mind at once, but the most significant of them are: Baekhyun last name is Byun, which I haven’t heard until now—and I do hope that he’s the only Baekhyun in this town, and the other one is, who the hell is Youngtae and how would I know where his boat is? 

I know that people in this town know each other like they know the alphabet, but I’m not from here and I’m having quite a hard time adjusting when it comes to this kind of scenario. 

I can only chuckle awkwardly, rubbing the back of my neck before pointing my thumb behind my shoulder. “Yeah... I think I’ll go for now but tell him I said hi.” 

The man, who looks really buff and has a tattoo sleeve on his left arm, slowly nods his head, perhaps unsure what is happening... as why a woman casually walked to the dock and asked for someone but would leave eventually. “Yeah... sure—you’re not from here, aren’t you?” 

I have no idea as to why I did it, but I exaggeratedly sigh—I don’t know, probably in relief that someone recognizes my naïve-ness of this town, even though I’ve been here for almost a month now. “That obvious, huh?” 

“Yeah—” he points his fingers on his ear, “locals don’t do that.” 

I didn’t understand what he meant at first, but then I realized he was referring to my earrings, several of them. My mouth forms an O shape and I nod my head to his arm as well. “Locals don’t do that either.” 

He laughs, extending his hand out for me to shake. “You got me there. I’m Hanjo, but just call me Han, people here call me that.” 

I nod my head, giving him a smile before telling him my name. “So, you’re not from here as well?” I ask, genuinely curious if he’s from the city, too. 

“So, Byun knocked you up?” he doesn’t even miss a beat and immediately changes the topic, though I did get shocked by his assumption. 

“Excuse me?” 

Han clears his throat, looking like he sobers from the way I change my tone of voice. “Sorry, that came out harsh. That Byun guy tends to play around when he’s out of town, and I thought you were here because of that.” 

I’m still looking at him skeptically, and the corner of my mouth almost drew back a snarl. “Uh, no, we’re just friends—sorry, I can’t stop myself from saying this, but I do not appreciate how you’re addressing Baekhyun.” 

“Oh, sassy—you from the city?” he tried to laugh it off, althoucouldI can see that he didn’t mean to be rude, probably just how guys talk, or I don’t know, guys their age. 

I opened my mouth, about to say something smart, but I heard my name being called by a familiar voice. I look over Han’s shoulder, and it’s a bit of a challenge since he’s quite huge, and see Baekhyun’s surprised, at the same time, smiling face. 

“Hey! What brings you here?” Baekhyun pats my arm, showcasing his perfectly aligned teeth, he then gives a nod to Han. “Hey, Han.”  

“Byun, I thought you’ve dropped out years ago. How can you still score someone from the city?” Han asks Baekhyun, and I had to remind myself that they are both males, and that’s just how they communicate... I hope.  

But what caught my attention is Baekhyun dropping out. From what? University? He attended university in the city? 

“Come on, Han.” Baekhyun chuckles, though the tone of his voice goes one note down, making him sound so manly. “That’s not a nice way to talk to someone you don’t know.” 

“Oh, but we know each other, right?” Han turns to me, calling my name as if we’ve been friends for decades. I can only make a face, turning to Baekhyun as a silent signal to get me out of here. Acouldn’tcan’t be more glad that he got the message instantly. 

“Okay! We’ll get going now, Han. Don’t drink too much, okay? Gran wouldn’t be so happy that you’re causing trouble here.” Baekhyun holds my arm, bringing me along with him as he walks away, not waiting for Han to respond. 

Baekhyun asks me to wait in his truck while he gets his things from the boat. He comes back not even five minutes later, not beating around the bush, when he removes the thin sweater he’s wearing and changes into a clean T-shirt. 

“Okay. Thank you for giving me a show, really enjoyed it.” I tried to play it cool, hiding how my cheeks blush when I saw the curve of his abs. Damn, he’s been working out. 

He laughs, throwing his sweater on my face and my nose crinkles at the smell. Sweat and seafood. He starts the car and starts driving, and I didn’t bother to ask where he’s taking me, though I have a hint that he’ll just drive me back to Gran’s place. 

“I have a question,” I break the silence, looking at his side profile, and I can’t believe I missed how his nose looks good on this side.  

“I had a hunch you have,” he chuckles, not taking his eyes off the road. 

I click my tongue, glaring at him for a second. “You said that Gran wouldn’t be happy with what Han was doing. Do they know each other? I mean, yeah, everyone knows everyone here. But you know...” 

“Hmm...” Baekhyun purses his lips as he thinks, and I almost coo at how he looks ado; ate, at the same time, almost slap myself for thinking that way. “I’m not sure if I’m in the position to tell you that.” 

“Oh, come on. I thought you like tea!”  

“Green tea or chamomile?” he repeats the joke I told him the other day, earning a glare from me. “I’m kidding. I’ll tell you, but no follow up question about it, okay?” 

I nod my head excitedly like a child. 

“Gran is Han’s mother.” Baekhyun simply said, shrugging his shoulder as if everyone should’ve known about this information. 

I can only gape athim, before verbalizing my thoughts. “I thought Gran doesn’t have a kid. I obviously guessed wrongly.” 

“Kids.” 

My jaw almost dropped on the ground, and my eyes went wide as a saucer. “No fucking way. Where’s the other one? Or how many she has?” 

“No follow up question, remember?” Baekhyun smirks, raising a brow.  

“Oh, come on. You’re no fun!” I groan at him, wanting to slap the smirk off his ,face but he’s driving, and I don’t want to risk it. 

Baekhyun laughs this time, shaking his head. “Well, I’m not going to be like you who didn’t finish her story.” That did earn him a slap on his arm, though not forcefully. He whines, rubbing the spot I hit before continuing, “Gran has two sons. Her oldest is out there, conquering the world, and you see Han... you already saw where he is in life.” 

My figure stiffens for a while, and it takes me a little while to slowly sit up straight, looking ahead of me. I didn’t want the ride to be weird, so I snickered, giving Baekhyun a playful look. “That sounds really familiar.” lookedlook into each other’s eyes for only a few seconds since he had to focus on the road, and I’m glad he didn’t say anything. But I know. I know that he has a feeling what I meant by that. 

The only time a word was said was when I realized that the road he drives on is a different route to where Gran’s house is.  

“Where—” 

“Consider yourself lucky,” he stops the car on the side of the road, pulling the handbrake before unbuckling his seatbelt. I have no choice but to fo his suit. I jump out of his truck and follow him wherever he’s taking me.  

We trek for ten minutes and I’m starting to catch my breath. “Y-you, motherfu—” 

“Just wait and see, it’ll be worth it.” Baekhyun claims, and his enthusiasm rubbing on my unfit body.  

I sit next to him on a bed of grass with little white flowers all over it. “You didn’t even ask me if I want to be driven back to Gran’s house, or if I want to torture myself by hiking before six in the morning, without breakfast, mind you.” 

“Hey, be appreciative, can you?” he bumps his shoulder with mine. “This is secret hideout. I brought you here because you look like you’re turning into a panda—what the hell happened to your eyebags, seriously?” 

His tone was playful, and I’m aware he was. He’s only doing it as a part of our normal banter-slash-daily conversation, but I smile sadly, shaking my head. “It’s nothing...” 

“Hey, come on,” he sighs, scooting closer to me, “I just gave you a tea that I’m not supposed to talk about. A little trust here, please?” 

“I’m—I—” I exhale heavily, biting my bottom lip, contemplating for a while if I should be talking about this to someone I barely know. But then, he has been there for me despite being a jerk at first. “I’m having trouble sleeping.” 

He nods his head; judgment is absent on his face. And I take it as a good sign that he’s listening to me. “Did it start when you arrived here?” 

I shake my head, starting to f my tears forming on the brim of my eyes, and I’m more than surprised because I can’t even remember the last time I cried. 

Was it when my parents didn’t attend my middle school graduation? Or was it when no one remembered my sixteenth birthday?  

I don’t know. 

“Two, three years ago? I don’t know—I honestly can’t remember.” 

Baekhyun heaves a deep trembling breath, trying to look calm as possible. “Have you got it checked? Are taking medication to help you sleep?” 

I shake my head once again, looking ahead. “No. My dad will know since I didn't really have money of my own and used his card back home. He checks all my transaction, and I’m scared that they might found out about it.” 

“Then, how do you cope?” 

I shrug my shoulders, turning my head to look at him, giving him the most genuine smile I can ever give, although it’s a sad smile. “Alcohol makes me sleepy, and cigarette soothes my nerve.” 

He doesn’t say anything for a good minute or two, and I’m starting to get worried about how I shouldn’t have told him my troubles, but when he spoke, his voice is much calmer, soothing, and quiet. “Now I know why you were always up to learn how to ride a bike in the middle of the night.” 

I laugh at his statement, the corner of my eyes crinkling in the process. “Yeah... I couldn’t sleep so , I might as well tire myself out.” 

“Is it also why you were at the dock?” 

I nod my head, “Yep, decide to take a long walk then try to go to sleep. But I saw where the dock is, and the rest is history.” 

Baekhyun hums before patting me; his mouth curves up into a gentle smile. “Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me this.” 

I don’t know what to say or how to react. But all I know is that I’m glad I told him what happened to me. My eyes didn’t leave him for a minute until he tilted his head in the direction in front of us, asking me to look at it.  

I didn’t even realize how long we’d been sitting there. The dark sky slowly turns golden. Rays of sun start peeking out at the line where the sky meets the sea. Seagulls start singing like they did when I first arrived here in this town, the sound of waves of the ocean hitting the shore... it’s incredible. 

I hold my breath, mesmerized by the majestic viewthe  of sunrise in this partthe  of the country. My first instinct was to curse to express how gorgeouswast is, but Baekhyun cuts me beforcould can even open my mouth. 

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” 

My head turns to look at him, a huge grin on my face to show how much I agree with his statement, but when my eyes get the sight of his face getting hit by the soft ray of sunlight, I am lost for words. 

Words wouldn’t come out between my lips, and I feel like I turn into a rock when I force myself to look away from him.  

It feels like I can’t look at anything else but him. 

Beautiful indeed. 

A month in this ,town and I’m handling it quite well than I expected on my first day.  

Of course, it’s not sunshine and rainbows with unicorns every single day. I’ve had a fair share of bad days. Although most of them were nothing serious, I could still say: Tomorrow’s a new day! 

But nothing compares to what happened when Jisoo asked me to hang out, and she’d tour me around the town—properly, as she clearly claimed.  

Don’t get me wrong, it went well. She’s probably one of the kindest people around here, next to Gran, but then again, everyone in this town is friendly and welcoming.  

I didn’t have the bicycle with me that day because Jisoo insisted on picking me up from Gran’s house and we went around the town in her sedan. And when the sun started to set, she offered to drive me back to Gran’s and of course, I agreed because I don’t have the will in me to walk that far, but surprise, surprise, Baekhyun’s truck pulled up on the side of the road, honking noisily to get our attention. 

I’m aware of his little crush on Jisoo; he made it obvious the first time I met the latter, and he made it obvious again this time. 

Of course, I brushed it off, reminding myself that we have nothing going on between us and convincing myself that I don’t have anything going on for him—and I really do hope I’m doing a great job on that. 

However, it felt like a bucket of ice-cold water was splashed on my face when I heard their conversation. 

“Chivalry is not dead, Baekhyun?” Jisoo giggled, pushing Baekhyun’s shoulder with her hand, and the man had the cheek to blush. “Always ready to pick her up, huh? Never seen you put an effort to a girl before.” 

“Oh, it’s not like that...” he chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. “She’s from the city, and I’m doing Gran’s a favor.” 

At that moment, I had to rethink if I had the stamina to walk all the way back to Gran’s. I wanted to be alone, but Baekhyun literally pushed me inside his truck. 

He might be thinking that I’m just being sulky since I do that quite often when I lose every time we bicker. He acts normal as if he didn’t say those words earlier about me, being well aware that I was around and could hear them perfectly. 

I close my eyes and pretend to take a rest while he tells a hilarious story from his day job. Though I’m pretty tired, I still have some energy left in me. I just don’t want to see his face. 

But Baekhyun is quite smart. He figures out three later. Okay, that might be long for others, but I’m still civil with him, to the point no one notices how I tried so hard to avoid him unless necessary. 

I may not be academically smart, but I can be quite observant. I’d be up extra early to finish the errands Gran listed out for me the night before—she doesn’t usually do it, but I kind of forced her to, so I’d know in advance what I’d be doing for the day. 

Then, when he’d come over unannounced, I’d go feed Gran’s animals their second dinner. 

Everything was going well for me until I got invited to hang out with Jisoo and her friends. I really wanted to say no, but Gran looked so happy when Jisoo came knocking on her door. 

“Oh, dear, it’s alright! I’ll pack the leftovers and put them in the fridge. You can heat it up when you’re still hungry once you’re back.” she said when I tried using her meatloaf as an excuse for me not to go. 

That’s how I met Jongdae, the talkative but gentlemanly guy; Minseok, their hyung who’s always looking out for others if they have enough beer in their system and send them home.  

I’m really bad with names and can’t remember most of Jisoo’s circle, but they keep talking to me because, apparently, they’re Baekhyun friends and heard about me from the man himself. 

“Why is he not here, though?” Curiosity got the best of me when Baekhyun’s friends were were here, and of course, Jisoo’s here. “Did he not get an invite?” 

Jongdae laughs and slaps my shoulder like we’ve known each other our whole lives. Minseok chuckles at the sight before taking a swig of his beer. “Baekhyun’s always invited. In fact, he’d be there before you can invite him. But we don’t know—said that he’s not feeling well or somethin’.” 

I frown upon hearing that. He seemed fine when he dropped by this morning at Gran’s. “What—is he sick?” 

“He’s sick alright,” Jongdae snorts, drinking his beer, and Minseok nudges him with his knee. “Hey—you know what? Let’s take a picture to capture this moment.” 

My expression twists at the sudden change of subject, nonetheless, I force the best I could ever give as soon as Jongdae put his phone an arm away after switching to the front camera. “Say: Baekhyun’s sick!” 

I didn’t follow him, though I did manage to sneak an eye roll before he hit the capture button. 

“Send it to me, I’d like a copy,” Minseok says, taking his phone out from his pocket. Jongdae nods his head, tapping the screen of his phone before gasping out loud. 

“What?” Me and Minseok choruses.  

Jongdae turns to us with wide eyes, “I mistakenly sent it to our group chat instead of personal message. Okay, I’m going to put my phone to DND before someone spams me.” 

I roll my eyes once again but can’t fight the smile spreading on my lips, thinking how ridiculous yet fun experience it is to hang out with these guys. While Minseok looks like he’s going to smash his bottle of beer on Jongdae’s head. “Can you stop being so dramatic for once?” 

The night is filled with laughter, beers, and some fun games that, I must admit, are fun. I don’t think I can remember the last time I enjoyed the company of being around other people, or people in general. 

I’m on my third bottle of cold beer, chatting between Jongdae and Minseok, when the bottle in my hand magically disappears. I haven’t had alcohol for quite a long time—no judgment, that I’m already tipsy. I was about to fight anyone just for a bottle of beer but was met with Baekhyun’s eyes. 

“Oh, that was fast!” Jongdae cheers, pertaining to Baekhyun. He claps his hand and pats the space beside him for the guy to sit. 

But instead, Baekhyun motions me to scoot a little so he can squeeze in the space between me and Jongdae. And of course, that receives a grunt from us. 

“What are you doing here?” I ask him in a small voice, though his two friends definitely heard me as they both snicker at the same time. 

Before Baekhyun could answer, Jisoo appears in front of us, holding her own drink and a bit red, probably from drinking too much—she’s not very subtle with her drinking, but I guess everyone needs a little loose from time to time, no one’s judging. 

“Baekhyun! I thought you couldn’t make it!” 

I’m not interested in seeing their interaction as I’m already sulking as it is, so I tried to reach out for my beer that’s still in Baekhyun’s hold, but as soon as my fingertips touch it, he clicks his tongue at me, giving me a warning look. 

Jongdae crosses his legs, leaning on his hands to look at Baekhyun mockingly. “Oh yes, Baekhyun. I thought you said you were too tired and not feeling like it?” 

He really does look tired, and I’m also confused as to why he’s here. But he just kicks Jongdae’s feet and glares at Minseok who frowns because the guy is literally younger than him. “I don’t trust you guys with alcohol.” 

“Pssh!” Jongdae dismisses him by waving a hand on his face. “We both know that’s a lie. You trust us the most.” 

“He’s drunk,” I murmur, which receives a hum of agreement from Baekhyun that makes the hair on the back of my neck rise.  

He turns his head a little to the side to peek over his shoulder. His face is so close to mine that I can feel his breath tickling my lashes. “You?” 

I shake my head a little, my words getting caught in my throat that I have to put an effort to respond to him. “No, not really.” 

Jongdae couldn’t stop his excitement and let out a high pitch laugh that caught the attention of other people around.  

I’m the one who breaks the eye contact, clearing my throat before looking the other way. I see Minseok already giving me a small smile, wiggling his brows. He manages to murmur, “adorable,” before drinking his beer. 

If I heard that a few weeks ago, I’d probably have had the same reaction when Gran said the same thing. But now, I can honestly feel the heat creeping up from my neck to my cheeks. I’ll just use the alcohol as an excuse if someone notices. 

As more empty bottles scattered around the area, few people gathered where we are, and not to mention they decided it was a good idea to put me on the spot to ask questions—thanks to Jongdae who practically announced that I’m a tourist here. 

“So, wait,” A girl named Bomee slurs, tilting her head as she speaks, “your dad threw you out because you drink a lot?” 

I seriously need more alcohol in my system before I can answer her honestly. But Baekhyun here wouldn’t give them back every time I’d get a new one, and he’d give it to Jongdae instead who, I believe, puke couple times already. 

“Sort of?” I answer carefully, shrugging my shoulders. 

“Then why did you keep drinking if your family hates it?” A guy named Jaebom chimes in. And Bomee hisses at him for being so insensitive. Though, I don’t mind because all my mind can process is how they seem to be invested in my story. 

“Well—how do I explain it?” I exhale through my nose, biting my bottom lip, and my leg started to bounce, feeling a bit anxious if I should answer the question.  

But then I feel something on my bare knee since I’m wearing shorts. I shift my focus from Jaebom and glance at my side. It was Baekhyun’s thigh. He keeps his gaze ahead of him but left his thigh on my knee. 

The corner of my mouth lifts for a second before pursing my lips. It’s probably time for me to let this out, as to why I did what’s been done. To what really goes on my mind that no one bothered to ask. 

Until I arrived in this town.  

Until I met these people. 

Until I met this man who oddly calms my storm.  

“I’m not really the favorite child,” I start, giving them a smile that didn’t reach my eyes. “The most common misconception is that if you’re the youngest, you get attention, love, everything. But that doesn’t apply to my family. 

“I don’t remember it well, but I had a good relationship with my father until I started school. He immediately saw the difference between me and my older brother. He’s way smarter than I am. He’s polite and I get in trouble from left to right even without trying.  

“My dad started to compare me to my brother as we grew up, and I believe that’s the main reason why I developed resentment towards my brother. My mother... she doesn’t care, she never did. She’s always been busy with her charity events that would make her look good to the public, and of course, her friends. 

“However, despite their busy schedules, they’d clear everything to attend my brother’s graduation, school events and such. But they’ve never been on mine. That’s probably the reason why something in me snapped when I was in high school.  

“I was in the wrong circle. I got in trouble for drinking and smoking. It wasn’t my attention, but for the first time, my parents went to my school, although for a reason that’s nothing to be proud of. I misunderstood the rebellion just to get their attention. 

“But now I’m in my last year for my undergrad, it just became an escape. I no longer care for my parents’ attention, but I became dependent on alcohol to sleep, and cigarettes to calm down. And to be honest, I’m scared to get checked—because what if something’s wrong with me? Who’ll take care of me? I can barely hold my shit together. Or will it worsen my situation in our house? As they’ve already seen me as a burdensome. 

“So, yeah. I’m here because I don’t have anywhere else to go. I bought a train ticket without knowing anything about the destination. Don't get me wrong, your town is freakin’ awesome, exquisite, but I’d sell my soul for a cheeseburger and chicken nuggets right now.” 

I end my speech with a deep, trembling sigh, forcing myself to give them a smile, but it immediately drops when I see most of them tearing up, especially Jongdae who’s already hammered. 

“Hey—what the heck, you guys.” I chuckle awkwardly, sitting up straight to look at them one by one. Jisoo even had to excuse herself as she cries, while Jaebeom looks at me apologetically, “I’m sorry. I—I shouldn’t have had ask you that...” 

“No, no!” I walk over to them, feeling guilty for ruining the mood. I try to calm them down, but Jongdae, being dramatic as he is, starts to sob, talking to himself as he thanks his parents for loving him despite being such a headache. 

Minseok looks at me fondly, though there’s a hint of pity and sadness in his eyes. “This is such a good reminder to be kind. We don’t know who’s struggling silently, and what we can only do is to be kind.” 

I smile at what he said, nodding my head in agreement. “Be kind.” 

Baekhyun finally gives up around two in the morning. I’m about to bid him good night but then he waits for me to get on my feet. “What—why?” I whine, not wanting to leave as I’m honestly having fun joking around with his friends and others. 

Baekhyun sighs my name, dropping his shoulders. “Please? No one here will drive you home; everyone has alcohol in their system—no, Jongdae, you’re too drunk to drive, just sleep here.” 

I groan loudly, giving him a glare. Nonetheless, I wave goodbye to everyone, promising that I’ll see them again soon.  

I sit on Baekhyun’s truck, rolling down the windows so the chilly night breeze will hit my face soothingly.  

“You okay?” 

I can only grunt in response, resting the side of my head on the window frame. 

“Sure? Or you’re too drunk to tell?” 

“Baekhyun—” I close my eyes before pursing my lips. “I only had two bottles because you won’t let have any as soon as you arrived. If I was drunk by two bottles, I’m sober enough by the window time you kept snatching all bottles in my hand.” 

He looks taken aback by my sudden outburst, and I do admit that I feel a little guilty about it. “H-hey, I’m sorry. I can make a U turn if you want to go back—sorry...” 

I gnaw my bottom lip, wanting to slap myself for overreacting to something not big of a deal. “No, it’s fine. Just keep driving.” 

He keeps driving alright. I’m in daze when I realize that it’s not the way back to Gran’s house, and we’ve been on the road for almost an hour—and that’s without traffic!  

From trees and the shallow sound of waves crashing to the shore, my eyes meet with bright lights and buildings—though nothing compared to the big city, but my heart couldn’t stop fluttering seeing such familiar sight. 

“Baekhyun, where—” 

“You said you wanted cheeseburger,” he simply said, not even letting me finish my question. “And this is the nearest one from the town.” 

And boy, did I wish to still use the alcohol as an excuse when he saw how red my face is, but then I remember how I mentioned that I sobered enough. Dumb. 

Fortunately, he doesn’t say anything. Just a subtle smirk on his face, and he shakes his head a little. 

Two cheeseburgers, ten pieces chicken nuggets, two large drinks and fries to share, we are seated on the back of his truck with the tailgates opened, in an empty parking under a starry night sky. 

“Wait—so, you’re telling me you attended an Ivy League in the city?” I ask him with wide eyes, unable to believe the information I heard about him. We are talking about life and stuff, and I finally convinced him to tell something he hasn’t told me before. 

Baekhyun casually takes a huge bite of his burger before nodding his head. He looks up to the sky for a few seconds before meeting my curious eyes. “Yeah... got a scholarship and stayed there for two years.” 

“Holy crap, so you’re really smart! Damn, I could barely pass a minor subject. What the heck, Baekhyun? Why did you stop?” 

He chuckles, flicking the tip of my nose with his finger. “Slow down, woman. You sound too excited.” 

“Of course, I am!” I huff, reminiscing about the time when I dreamt of attending an Ivy League, but my GPA didn’t cooperate. 

Baekhyun gives me a soft smile, eyes dancing around my facial features. “Is it the lighting here or you’re extra pretty today?” 

I must admit that it did make my heart go crazy, and the butterflies in my stomach dance, or whatever crap people call it. 

And it didn’t help when he chuckles huskily upon seeing my reaction. “I didn’t like it. It was the first time I had been away from my family for that long, and people were so different. Life was too busy, and the pressure of a job title right after graduation was insanely unrealistic.” 

I nod my head in agreement, totally understanding his sentiments, especially now I’ve lived in his town for a month. I saw, experienced, lived the life they have. Quiet, simple, and peaceful. 

Contentment.  

Contentment is the city will never have. 

“I was studying Psychology, and I was really interested in the subject. It was the environment I couldn’t keep up,” he continues, “now I’m twenty-four years old, living in his parents’ walkout basement.” 

“And you’re happy,” I smile at him, and it makes him stare at me, unblinking, he then mirrors my smile, though his was wider and the corner of his eyes crinkle. 

“That, I am.” he grins widely, and it makes my heart flutter seeing him like this. “I’m delighted you used and instead of but.” 

“Oh, of course,” I shrug, smiling more widely than I already am. I honestly didn’t think about that—it just came out naturally. “But hey, can I ask you something personal? And it’s totally fine if you don’t feel like telling me.” 

Baekhyun nods his head, turning his body to face me, his legs touching my outstretch limbs.  

“Why did you hate me so much the first time we met?”  

That seems to catch him off guard. He pulls his head back before pursing his lips. “Y-you sure Gran didn’t tell you? Or you just want me to put on spot?” 

I look at him weirdly before shaking my head. “No, I’m genuinely curious. You went apeshit when you barely know me. You were an ass—sorry. Anyway, Gran only told me it’s about something businessmen wanting to take the town.” 

Baekhyun rolls his eyes, exhaling heavily. He takes the last bite of his food and crumples the wrapper before putting it aside. “Okay—it’s no secret in the town that Gran’s eldest son is a very successful businessman.” 

I gape at him, eyes getting wide. “I didn’t know that!” 

“Well, you’re not exactly from the town and—” he only stops talking when I glare at him. “Moving on, when I was still in the city, I met a girl—why are you looking at me like that?” 

I didn’t even realize I’m frowning until Baekhyun pointed it out. I instantly wipe my annoyed expression that automatically came out when he mentioned a girl. Since when did I become possessive? We’re not even together romantically. “What look?” 

Baekhyun looks at me skeptically, though he’s unable to hide that little smirk on his face that I’ve been wanting to slap off. 

“I met this girl—we’re not together anymore so calm down—” 

“I wasn’t even asking—” 

“You want me to continue or not?” he raises a brow in my direction, and I sigh in defeat.  

“Sorry—continue.” 

“So... I took her to the town to tour around, and of course, to meet my family. I thought it went well because you know, it’s normal for people to take pictures and document everything. However, I never thought that it would take a drastic turn when her short clips posted on the internet became viral and several investors immediately came to examine the area. And surprise, surprise! Gran’s eldest was one of them.” 

I’m listening to his every word carefully and when he mentioned how the town became viral, it came crashing to me as why it sounded familiar back in the train station at the city. I now remember passing by a short clip a couple years ago. 

“Gran’s sons are sort of estrange to her and her late husband. So, when he found out that his mother lives here, he thought he had better chance than other men in suit.” 

I nod my head, slowly absorbing much information in the middle of the night. “And I’m guessing Gran hated the idea?” 

“Hates it. She got angry at her son who didn’t contact them for years, and had the audacity to ask them to convince the people in town to sell their land to him. But more importantly, she cares for everyone in town. What will happen to locals if hotels and resorts are all around?” 

I did hear from Gran about what happened with her husband about a year ago, and now I’m connecting dots. “Poor Gran...” 

Baekhyun sighs, looking up in the sky. “Yeah... Gran and Pop-pop were everyone’s favorite grandparents in town. When Pop-pop passed, it took a toll on all of us. You met the youngest, Han, and he’s not really someone you can rely on, even when it comes to his parents. So, we promised Pop-pop that we’d take care of Gran then the next day, he’s gone.” 

My mouth curves down and I look at him with sadness in my eyes. I just can’t imagine what they’ve been through. “I’m so sorry...” 

But Baekhyun smiles at me, patting my cheek as an assurance. “It’s okay. And I’d like to take this opportunity to apologize as well. You didn’t deserve that. I was an ass, damn right.” 

“Well, forgiven since you bought me cheeseburger and chicken nuggets.” I giggle, raising the wrapped greasy burger in my hand.  

Baekhyun laughs as well before straightening his back. “And for your information, this is all me. I’m doing no favor to anyone.” he bumps his shoulder with mine and I bend my neck a little to meet his eyes.  

“What...?” I raise an eyebrow to him. 

He clears his throat before speaking, “Should we now talk about us?” 

Taking a bite in the middle of this kind of conversation is not really ideal. But in my defense, I didn’t know he was going to say that. My cheek protruded with the burger still in my mouth while I look at his eyes, unsure where this conversation would take us. 

“W-what about us?” 

His expression hardens, but it quickly vanished when he realizes I’m quite lost with what he’s going to say. “Gran’s animals will be overweight the next time you avoided me when I come over.” 

“Oh.” was all I could say. I drop my shoulders and sniff, looking ahead of me. “Don’t worry about it. There are times I could get extra sensitive—I’ll get over it.” 

“No, baby, I—” he lets out a deep trembling breath, sighing my name afterwards. “Sorry, that just came out.” 

I can’t do anything but to smile awkwardly, mumbling an, “It’s okay.” Because no one has ever called me that kind of endearment without intimate intercourse before. 

It’s weird... yet nice. 

“Okay. I—Gran stopped forcing me to help you when you bit my ear. She thought that it might get us both on each other’s bad side further. She made me apologize but that’s it. Hasn’t ask anything since then.” Baekhyun huffs out, asking me to look at him, and I did. “I just see you in a different light now. I don’t know when it started. Maybe when you started making jokes about your stupidity with riding a bicycle—or when I finally had the chance to get to know you better on Gran’s roof—minus the smoking.” 

I was about to hit him with my fist, but I’m so glad I didn’t, and chose to let him finish what he’s about to say. 

“What I’m saying is... you make me shy, edgy—those stuffs, and I’d blabber the idiotic thing I could think of. I’m sorry.” 

“I—uh...” there’s a lump in my throat that’s hindering me from responding to what he just said. Though, really, I’m just out of words. “Okay...” 

“Really—that’s it? Okay?” his face went blank, eyes getting droopy as ever. 

“What do you want me to say?” I counter, my voice gets higher. “I thought you like Jisoo. So, you know? I didn’t think about it that much.” Lies. But who’s letting him know? Obviously not me. 

“I didn’t say I like her—” 

“You were ogling at her, Baekhyun!” 

“I’m aware it was inappropriate, but she was wearing a low-cut shirt and flashing her cleavage on my face, okay? I’m sorry if you misunderstood it.” 

“Mind you, I offered to show you my boobs in exchange for some bike lessons and maintenance, but you were too prim back then.” I argue, crossing my arms across my chest, purposely lifting them up to be visibly in better shape. “But I guess Jisoo’s cleavage makes you shy and edgy.” 

“You—” Baekhyun groans, rubbing his face tiredly. “You’re so stubborn, aren’t you?” 

I shrug my shoulder, taking a bite of my burger... angrily. “I’ve been told. But thanks for the reminder.” 

Neither of us said a word for quite some time. We are just seated next to each other at the back of his truck while I finish the food because apparently, I’m too stubborn. What he didn’t know is that I can be stubborn and hungry. 

In all honesty, I do like Baekhyun. He makes me feel something I’ve never felt before. He makes everything around me brighter. He makes me see colors. He makes me realize that life can be beautiful. 

Especially now he admits that he initiated everything he has done for me without Gran’s presence. And it’s a lot to take... though in a nice way.  

However, I’m not going to deny the fact that I’m quite hesitant since I still have to go back home. I still have a year left in university. And I don’t know my career from there. I’m not even sure if my dad will take me in to work in his company, nonetheless, dropping out just like that is not part of my initial plan. 

If we ever, stating out a huge possibility, got together, in just a few weeks, we’d cater to a long-distance relationship that rarely works for other people. What are the odds it’d work for me... for us? 

And I believe coming out clean about the uncertainty must be verbalized to Baekhyun to be fair. 

“I still have a year left in university, Baekhyun,” I murmur, glancing at him at the corner of my eye and see that he’s looking at me intently. “I need to go back to the city before semester starts.” 

I see the small frown between his eyebrows as he absorbs my intention. “That’s it?” 

Now, it’s my turn to narrow my eyes to him, clenching my jaw as I face him properly. “What do you mean by that’s it? I’m not dropping out—” 

“Who said about dropping out?!” he cut me off, his voice got way out of control and can be considered as yell. He notices how I jolt on my seat, leaning my body away from his. He exhales through his mouth, calming himself before speaking again. “I’m sorry—I didn’t mean to shout. But can you hear me for a second? Because it looks like I’m the only one who’s willing to make us work.” 

I open my mouth to counter his words, but nothing comes out, coming to a realization that he’s right. I roll my eyes at him just to show him I’m not mad or something. I grumble, “Fine.” 

He smiles at me fondly, scooting closer to me. He snatches the food wrapper on my lap, putting it aside, before grabbing my hands. And I swear to God, my heart almost couldn’t take when he places his puckered lips to my knuckles, kissing them lightly repeatedly. 

This man really knows how to sweep me off my feet. 

“I like you, a lot.” he admits, smiling sheepishly and I don’t miss the shade of red on his cheeks. “It’s embarrassing how much I think of you in a day. I thought I was just worried about you because you’re not from around here. But then I started looking for you even if we were in the same room. You listen to my stories without judgement, you laugh at my jokes even when I know they’re not funny—I don’t know. It’s just... I like you, and it’s too early to say if it’s love and I don’t want to scare you, but I just want you to know, I’m willing to get there.” 

I didn’t know I was holding my breath until Baekhyun calls my name. I blink several times to snap out of it. “B-Baekhyun, I—” I swallow the lump in my throat when my voice cracks. 

“Before you say no,” he cuts me off again, smiling kindly. “I just want to let you know that I will never cheat on you even where you’re in the city and I’m here. I will make sure to give you peace of mind every day.” 

I look at him longingly, gnawing my bottom lip with my teeth. Unable to find the right word to say, or more likely, unable to come up with a decision to my dilemma. “That’s a huge thing to say, Baekhyun...” 

He sighs in relief when I finally said something, although it’s not a yes, but he just looks glad it was not a no. He grins widely, interlacing our fingers together and placing them on his lap. “It is. But that’s to prove my conclusion on how much I like you. I’m surprise as you are.” 

I finally let out a chuckle, hitting his chest with my fist, though with not much of force but he still grunts. “Anything else I should expect from you?” 

Baekhyun looks like he’s going to cry in relief when I said that, and I feel bad for acting so distant that it stresses him this much. He closes his eyes for a few seconds with a wide smile on his mouth before responding to my question. “Hmm... let me see. Well, I’m quite good in bed.” 

I know he meant it as a joke since that’s just how we always communicate, but he looks so surprised when I agreed in a heartbeat. “Okay, I’m sold.” 

“Wait—seriously?” 

I nod my head, grinning innocently at him, or at least I’m hoping it to be. “What can I say? I have needs.” 

“No, baby—” I thought he’s going to take back the endearment, but the butterflies in my stomach flutters when he doesn’t. “I mean—okay, that’s good to know, I’ll make sure to take care of you. But are you serious—you’re not playin’ with me? You’re saying yes?” 

“Yes, Baekhyun,” I thought my smile couldn’t get any wider, but it does. “I like you—though, I can’t say if I like you a lot as well, but—” 

He had to give me a death stare to make me shut up. I giggle, getting the courage to throw my arms around his neck, giving his cheek a smooch. “I like you a lot, Baekhyun.” 

When I pull my head back, still in his arms, we are inches apart, staring at each other’s eyes then to our lips. I can’t help but sigh when our mouths finally meet. I climb to his lap, hands on his shoulders, while he holds my waist.  

His lips are soft and warm. Like a hot towel after a shower during winter. Comforting. It almost tastes like hot cocoa on Christmas evening. Sweet and satisfying. 

We had to cut everything and pull away from each other when I felt something beneath me. Baekhyun looks embarrassed and uses my tongue as an excuse for his hard on. I laugh at him, getting off his lap but not before giving his mouth another kiss. 

He looks beyond surprised, yet excited, when I ask during our drive back, “Hey, can I stay over?” 

It’s my first time seeing where he stays. Since it’s a walkout basement, it has its own entrance a few steps down from the main ground. 

It’s tidy, except for the unfolded clothes on the armchair at the corner, and he has a typical twin-sized bed, and a few clutters on the wall shelves on the other side of the room. 

He asks for two minutes while he cleans up, though what he’s done is to just hide the clothes in his closet and smoothen out the bed sheet. 

Somewhere along my pun, “Are we going to fit in there?” referring to his bed while laughing makes me hot in an instant when he said, “I can top so it’d be fine.” 

I try to laugh it off, sitting at the edge of the mattress. “I only meant to sleep here, but you seems to have another idea in your head. I’m not sure if I like it.” 

With what he said a while ago, he has the audacity to blush, stammering with his words, “H-hey! You’re the one who shoved your tongue in my mouth. I thought—” 

I’m wheezing from laughing too much, holding my stomach as it starts hurting. I cough and catch my breath when I glance at his pouty face, watching me make fun of his conundrum. 

“I’m just kidding, come here,” I extend my arm, reaching out to him before flopping on the mattress. 

Baekhyun makes me feel loved, special, and cherish me as a woman as he kisses my body while peeling my clothes off my body. He never forgets my emotions while getting into his desires. 

I appreciate his time to set the mood by touching me like I want him to, tasting parts of me like a starving man. Then asking for consent before proceeding to enter once he secured protection. 

No one had bothered to ask me on my previous experiences. 

That night, I can consider it as my first time making love. 

My first time feeling loved. 

He kisses my mouth when he comes, then makes sure I’d reach my peak afterwards. I can’t remember the last time I felt sexually satisfied, but I definitely won’t forget this one. 

Our foreheads lean on each other as we bask in our warmth and presence. We kiss each other’s mouth, nose and cheeks, giggling with each peck. And my eyes close blissfully when Baekhyun bends his neck to kiss my forehead, leaving his lips there for a few seconds before sighing.  

I can feel his heartbeat on my chest when he does that. Whatever I’m feeling, he’s feeling it too. 

Baekhyun’s right. It’s too early to say it’s love, but same as him, I’m willing to get there. 

That night was the first of so many nights we’d spend together. 

No one can beat Gran’s reaction when she found out that me and Baekhyun are together-together. She said that she didn’t expect it since she saw how we fought, bicker, and threw nasty words at each other that it gotten to a point where it got physical—my fault, sorry. 

She gushed until the word came to almost everyone in town. I’m no longer Gran’s visitor as they once called me. I’m now Baekhyun’s girl. 

Baekhyun is probably the sweetest, at the same time, manliest man I’ve ever met. Okay, I’m exaggerating but I’m so proud to call him my boyfriend.  

It’s no news that I could say that I grew up without a man figure in my life even though I still have a dad, and I’m not really close with my older brother. And I’ve dated quite a few back in the city. 

But with Baekhyun... damn it’s different. It’s good different. 

Back in the city, it was only sex, alcohol, look cool together, sex, move on to different person, and repeat. 

I mentioned to him that he’s like my first real relationship, and it boosted his ego. I have no problem with it since Baekhyun might know how to piss me off, but he’s never crossed the line, and I can’t see him doing it.  

That’s the thing about him. He’s too respectful. At first, I was skeptical, thinking that he’d done something, and was just acting like that to prepare me for the worst. “Of course, I ought to treat you right. We’re together, aren’t we?” 

It’s shameful to say out loud, but I gave him head that night. 

Also, Baekhyun didn’t wait a week, or even a day, for me to meet his parents. It was awkward since we fell asleep the first night we got together in the basement and were awoken by his mother knocking on his door. I suggested waiting it out and I’d hide under his bed or closet, but he brushed me off, asking me to wear one of his oversized T-shirts before opening the door. 

His mom was cool about it, in fact, she even asked us to go upstairs to the main floor to have breakfast. There, I met his dad, who looked so happy his youngest son got laid. No word was spoken to say what happened; it was just that obvious, even Baekhyun’s older brother kept wiggling his eyebrows to us. 

Oh, of course, sex is great. He really proves he’s good in bed. The only struggle we had in the first week was with where to do it without any hindrance. Because apparently, “Baby, you’re adorable, but please—you’re such giggler.” 

I didn’t even get mad at him when he said that. Instead, I laughed even more, and he had to put his mouth on mine since we were at his place and his family was right above us.  

Since I’m quite ticklish, I had to learn to control my reaction when he’d run his hands on my bare body. That happened when he sneaked on Gran’s window on the second floor where I’m staying. I was about to sleep but felt the air mattress dipping beside me then an arm wrapped around my waist.  

Gran is a light sleeper, so I had to bite my lip and swallow the noise down my throat. Imagine the person who’s taking care of you inside their house caught you having sex in the mattress you both struggle to inflate. 

That'd be embarrassing. 

But most of all, my favorite moments with Baekhyun are when we’d just lie on bed, or his favorite hangout spot where the golden sunrise view is always spectacular. We’d be in each other’s arms, appreciating the comforting silence. 

In our clothes, yet intimate. 

Though, I’m not discrediting him for his ideas of dates. I’ve never been to sweet ones, so he makes sure he’d put his best effort, like picnics, walking on the shore with shoes in our hands while the sun sets in such beautiful collusion of red and yellow colors. Or if he doesn’t have work, we’d hang out on Gran’s roof to stargaze.  

We still bickered, yes, but it was nothing serious. Mostly, just to make fun of each other until one gets pouty and sulky. But that’s mostly me because I do like his affection when I’m pouty and sulky. 

Baekhyun is becoming my favorite person, and I’m not complaining even a bit. 

And not to forget there’s the simple, domestic kind. You know, just hanging out at each other’s place. Doing things normal people do. 

Mind you, I haven’t done the dishes, laundry nor folded clothes—or any house chore, in my entire life. That was until I arrived here. I must help Gran at her house because that’s the least I could do for someone who put roof under my head and food in my tummy. 

She did have a hard time teaching me basic things but there was nothing that could stop me from learning. Even if it means cuts, burns, and even bruises. Those were just small boo-boos and they healed in a few days. Now I have started enjoying doing the laundry or folding clothes with Gran’s old music playing in the background. 

Hence, when Baekhyun dropped by one late afternoon to inform me that he had work in the nearby town and wouldn’t be home until the morning, I decided to pay his place a visit.  

Right after dinner, I told Gran that I’d stay the night at Baekhyun’s, and she looked confused since she knew that he was out of town but let me go anyway. 

It was not the first time I’d be staying at his place even when he was not around. This usually occurs when he’d be working in the dock, and I’d wait for him in his basement. I already know where the spare key is, and let myself in. 

As expected, a pile of clothes was still sitting on the armchair in the corner of his room. He may be tidy in other things, but not when it came to the business after washing machine. I tied my hair in a ponytail and got to work.  

His mom even came down to check since she heard noises and thought it was someone else. She offered to help but I assured her I’d be fine. She looked at me fondly, telling me that I could go upstairs should I need anything. 

His clothes neatly folded in his closet, his bed sheet was nice and clean, and his floor was vacuumed and mopped. And I was spent. 

I never expected anything from him in return every time I’d do these kinds of things, but he just does.  

Sometimes it was a bouquet of flowers, or sometimes he’d take me out of town to eat the food I was craving. But my preferred is his simple kiss on a cheek and a, “Thank you, baby.” 

Orrr... occasionally, I’d prefer a kiss while sleeping in his bed as soon as he got back and cuddling through the morning. 

Baekhyun does the same. When he’s not working, he’d help me at Gran’s place. From simple chores to heavy ones. 

Just like today. It's Sunday and I told Gran that I will stay to help her clean the house. I still haven’t turned on my phone, so it feels almost magical when Baekhyun appears out of nowhere. Most especially now that the roof needs to be cleaned. 

The day was almost perfect until Han suddenly came in from the back door in the kitchen. I roll my eyes at him, and he gives me the same sass.  

When he found out I’ve been staying as a guest at his mother’s, he got agitated since Gran doesn’t even give him a room to stay, but she’s giving one to a stranger. Although Gran still feeds him when he’s around. A mother will always be a mother. Can’t relate, to be honest. 

I’m dusting the living room when Han decided that it was a good idea to rant to his mother. Well, I heard about how hates his older brother, yet wants to experience the kind of wealth the brother has. Gran doesn’t look bothered, nor pleased with the subject, but I don’t want to butt in especially it’s family affair. 

I go upstairs instead to let me ear rest for a while before I have to hear Han’s voice again. Walking inside the room I’m staying in, I peek out the window to see Baekhyun on a ladder leaning against the side of the house as he scoops leaves out of the roof gutter. 

“Hey there, baby boy,” I lean my arms on the windowsill and give him a playful suggestive look because I know how annoyed he gets with the pet name. 

He groans loudly and I can’t help but to laugh, “Stop with that weird crap, please!” 

“What do you want me to call you then? Daddy?” I raise a brow at him before squinting my eyes to annoy him even more. Kidding aside, I just got goosebumps upon saying that word. No, nuh uh. Will never ever repeat that, ever, again. 

“Ugh! Baby—” 

“Mom! They’re not cleaning, they’re just flirtin’!”  

I jump on my feet when Han’s loud voice and when I look over my shoulder, he’s standing there with a bowl of cereal that I bought with my own money.  

In the background, we heard Gran yelling, “Leave them alone!” 

I raise a brow to Han to piss him off and he threatens to hit me with a spoon. Baekhyun’s voice can be heard from outside the window while he scoops leaves out of the roof gutter. “Han, please don’t do that to my girlfriend.” 

I plastered a smug face to Han because, even though he’s almost double the size of Baekhyun, the latter is surprisingly an expert in some kind of martial arts that instantly flew over my head the second I heard it. Was it wushu? Taekwondo? Karate? I don’t know... oh! Hapkido! I honestly don’t know anything about it, but—yey! Supportive girlfriend here. 

Han scoffs before rolling his eyes. He then points the spoon to the boxes in the corner before walking out of the room, “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just clean this up.” 

I truly want to say something back to him, but Baekhyun calls my name to calm me down, because he knows how much I get triggered when Han does this kind of shit. “Just leave the boxes there, baby. I’ll carry them down once I’m done here.” 

“What am I going to do then?”  

“Just stand there and look pretty for me,” he grins widely, the corner of his eyes crinkling in the process. Although I roll my eyes at him, I can’t hide the small smile on my lips that’s slowly spreading.  

I ignore him and walk towards the boxes that have been left untouched, thus dusty, since I got here. Baekhyun once told me that Gran and her husband moved here more than a decade ago from their hometown to live a quiet life. But being the good parents they were, they still brought their sons’ pictures and memorabilia of them. 

By the third box, I hold my breath since the surface is very dusty and I’ve been sneezing like crazy. And instead of helping me or anyone in the house, Han just sits in the living room while watching the television with his feet up on the table.  

As I’m about to approach the back door by the kitchen, the bottom of the box gives up and the contents of the box scattered on the floor. Fortunately, I hear no breaking of glass, so I internally sigh in relief before groaning out loud, crouching down to pick them up. 

“Need help back there?” I hear Han ask from the living room. 

“I mean, if you have a kind heart within you, why not?” I respond sarcastically that earns a hearty laugh from him. 

We start picking up the items and they’re mostly framed pictures and a few documents. The last time to be picked up is a picture frame facing the floor. My hand casually reaches out to it and even makes sure that the frame is still intact.  

In a split second, my facial expression drops, and I can feel how my heart starts thumping almost loudly in my chest when I flipped the frame in my hand. 

There is a photo of Gran and her husband with a young man in a graduation gown, seemingly fresh out of university, flashing a wide smile on his face for the camera.  

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Han interrupts my thoughts and I raise my head to look at him with wide eyes. “That’s my hyung. He’s not a ghost yet, but he’s dead to us.” 

I can’t find words to say nor get any of my muscles to move. However, I did feel how my bottom lip trembles uncontrollably, and my breath becomes ragged. With all the energy left in me, I close my eyes and breathe through my nose, holding it for few seconds before exhaling heavily—a technique Baekhyun taught me to calm myself down in case I feel like my thoughts are winning against me. 

“Oy—you okay?” I feel Han’s hand on my shoulder as he tries shaking me a little bit, and I nod my head a little bit. 

I croak, “Y-yeah...” 

Han looks hesitant, grabbing the frame out of my hands and settling it down on the counter, and does what he thinks is the best solution: call for his mother. “No, you’re not—Ma! C’mere! She’s not breathing!” 

Even with my condition, I still found the strength to glare at him as he can definitely see that I’m still breathing, though heavily—almost hyperventilating. 

Baekhyun obviously heard the commotion, and he arrives first, clumsily and almost tripped from how fast he ran. He pushes Han aside and holds my face in his hands. “Hey, baby... breathe, come on. Follow what I’m doing.” he starts breathing in pattern, showing the basic skill to live, slowly, so I’d be able to grasp. 

My mouth starts getting numb and my body gets a bit heavier as well as my eyelid, but my mind is very much conscious that I know how Gran gasps loudly when she gets in the kitchen, seeing me in perhaps limp state.  

“Hey—damn it!” Baekhyun shakes my body as he curses my name, trying to get my eyes open when they’re about to close. “Look at me, come on. Breathe, please—Han, get a paper bag or somethin’!” 

Even with my eyes getting blurry, I’m still able to see Han looking so confused and unmoving on his feet. “H-huh—what for?” 

“Just fuckin’ get it!” Baekhyun yells. And I think it’s the first time I’ve heard him cuss—well... except when we’re in bed, but that’s another story to tell. 

Han hastily looks for one and hands it to Baekhyun. The latter immediately places it around my mouth and instructs me to breathe as he counts the seven second rule. I lift my eyelid to look Baekhyun in the eye as I try to normalize my breathing and he smiles at me when he notices I’m following him, and my muscle slowly relaxing and the tension is slowly fading away. 

My hand finally raises to hold Baekhyun wrist that’s holding a paper bag on my mouth. I pull it away gently and he sighs in relief, pulling me in to kiss my cheek and wrapping his arms around my figure. I whisper an apology right to his ear and he just shakes his head, continuously caressing my back to give me much comfort I need. 

Han also exhales loudly, holding a hand on his chest. “Phew! You scared me back there, kid.” 

Gran also sighs in relief; her eyes are teary, and her hands clasp on her mouth, thanking heaven that I’m fine. 

I send them both an apologetic smile before taking another look at the picture on the counter as I peek over Baekhyun’s broad shoulders. 

He, the man in the picture, might looked younger but I know him very well. Those bright and hopeful eyes in the past have turned into dreadful pairs; the wide smile when he was young was now a scowl; his sun kissed skin had become pale and wrinkly. I’m bewildered that his once seemingly cheerful soul is now lifeless. 

I may add one more reason to probability as why our he prefers Kyungsoo more than me. He really did look like him when he was his age. 

It’s already evening, a few hours after the incident, and we are all seated in the living room. I’m at the end of the couch, coddled up in a blanket and leaning my head on Baekhyun’s shoulder, while Gran and Han sit on the armchair across from us. 

The picture frame now sits on the coffee table in the middle of the living room as I stare at it, while the three of them still have no idea what happened earlier, and what’s going on right now. 

“Dear?” Gran finally breaks the silence. I lift my head from the picture to look at her. She has the gentle smile she always wears, and my heart breaks when I’m starting to absorb all the details, I’ve gotten from the moment I arrived in this town up to now.  

What are the odds of this happening? For real? 

I put my feet down on the floor and raised my head from Baekhyun’s shoulder. I clutch the blanket on my lap so that my fingers start to turn white from how tight it is. 

“Gran,” I had to swallow the lump in my throat so that I wouldn’t cry by uttering only one word. Baekhyun places a hand on my back and that’s more than enough encouragement for me to continue. I point my index finger to the frame on the coffee table, “That—that man is your eldest son?” 

Before Gran can even open her mouth to answer, Han clicks his tongue impatiently, “What’s this all about?” 

I decided to ignore him, focusing on Gran who looks lost for the first time I met her. “Gran...” I bit my bottom lip, fighting back the tears that were threatening to roll down my face. “When you saw me at the train station... did you recognize who I was?” 

That makes Gran narrow her eyes as she recalls the day she approached me. She then shakes her head slowly. “No, dear. Your face was unfamiliar, and you really did look like a tourist as I remember.” 

I nod my head, acknowledging her answer, before stating my full name out loud, making the three of them confused as ever.  I extend my hand to reach out for the picture and shows it to her and Han.  

“And this man,” I sniff, pursing my lips before plastering a half-smile in Gran’s direction, “is my father.” 

The next morning, I’m awoken by the birds chirping outside the window and my head laid on Baekhyun lap while his fingers comb my hair. He’s sitting up on the air mattress and blankly looking ahead of him. 

“Hey,” I call out to him, and he instantly snaps out of his trance. “Did you sleep?” 

“Good morning,” he bends his upper body to give my lips a quick kiss before returning to his previous position. He shrugs his shoulders, chuckling weakly. “I tried but couldn’t.” 

Guilt crashes through me when he said that. Now I doubt any of them fell asleep. But I did. Like a log. Which should be surprising owing to the fact that two months ago, I needed alcohol to fall into slumber. 

Last night, Gran was speechless, and she told everyone to discuss things tomorrow since it had been a long day for all of us. Han was quite useless if you may ask me, though let’s spare him for now as he really looked beyond shock yesterday. 

Baekhyun had to call to say that he wouldn’t make it to work last night and stayed with me. Hence, I sleep like a baby. 

My mind is running thousand kilometers per hour again, and I almost jolted out of bed to look for the family picture taken when I was in middle school that’s been hidden inside my wallet just in case they might think I’m just playing with them. But someone knock on the door and Han’s voice speaks on the other side, “We’ll be downstairs.” 

Baekhyun and I quickly wash up before dragging ourselves back downstairs where we left off last night. However, contrary to my expectation, that Gran would still looks gloomy like last night, she’s back into her cheerful self, setting the table with pancakes, eggs and bacon—wait, is that Han in an apron? 

Gran then holds my hand and makes me sit, and I look at Baekhyun who looks dumbfounded as I am. He shrugs his shoulders before taking the seat right beside me.  

Remembering that I brought with me the photo I’ve been keeping in my wallet, I fish it out from the pocket of the shorts I’m wearing, handing it to Gran who freezes for a second before accepting the photo. 

Gran's eyes become teary as she smiles sadly, placing a hand to cover her mouth before walking towards Han to show him the photo. She walks back to hug my head on her chest, dropping a kiss on my hair. “I only dreamt of meeting my grandchild.” 

Han made fun of me throughout breakfast on how I looked ugly crying, and of course, the braces I had back in middle school. Gran is so happy that she wouldn’t let go of my hand and ask about Kyungsoo whom I was thin thread close on forgetting. 

“He sucks, Gran,” I casually respond, sipping my OJ. “But he’s smart, so you’ll be proud of him, nonetheless.” 

The three of them laugh out loud at what I said, and I can’t stop smiling from how my heart is full by this sight. Gran and Han asked questions about my childhood, but mostly it’s just Gran and Han would just butt in to get on my nerves. He may be my uncle, but it will never erase the bond we created at the first place to piss each other off. 

“Uh-oh,” Han suddenly said, looking at Baekhyun with a mischievous grin on his face. “What are you going to do, Byun?” 

Baekhyun’s expression instantly drops, and his eyes widen in realization that I can’t understand. “Shit.” 

“What?” I ask Baekhyun to look for an answer, but he looks like he’s contemplating his twenty-four years of living. Then I turn to Han when I get nothing from my boyfriend. “What the hell is happening?” 

However, Han just gives me an innocent smile, raising his mug with his pinky lifted in the air.  

“Gran?” I desperately ask the last person who might explain to me what Han meant.  

The poor lady shakes her head at those two men, before turning to me. “Baekhyun here got carried away when your father tried to bribe people to sell their land to him. The two of them may or may have not exchanged nasty words.” 

I gape at Baekhyun who’s ready to apologize but turns baffled when a grin slowly shows on my face. “Oh, shoot! It’s an early karma for my dad! Like, you probably know what’s going to happen and took an early revenge.” 

Baekhyun looks at me like another head grew on my neck, totally taken aback. “What...” 

Han’s laughter booms around the house that I swear the walls shook when he did. “No need for DNA test. You're really your father’s daughter.” 

“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?” I huff, scowling at him. 

“Byun, just a warning—run while you still can.” 

“HEY!” 

After all the commotion, Gran asks me to go to the living room to discuss something important. She specifically told Han and Baekhyun to leave us alone in the house since we both know the two have them have the tendency to eavesdrop.  

“My dear...” Gran reaches out for my hand, giving it a gentle pat. “I’m so glad you’re here. I still can’t believe the miracle that just happened. Your dad... he—” 

Gran shakes her head before sighing deeply. “You might notice that your Pop-pop and I were not present in your life. Your dad used to be a kind-hearted soul, gentle and loving son to us. But money took those traits of him away. I can count in my hands the time I’ve talked to your father since he moved out. He became estranged and even got married without us knowing. 

“Before you or your brother came, we visited him in the city from our hometown, in hopes that we could at least grab lunch with our son. What we didn’t expect was for him to be embarrassed at the sight of two old people from the countryside. He didn’t shame us publicly, but he did tell us to stop seeing him, especially in his work.” 

A tear escapes my eye before rolling down my cheek when I heard how my dad treated his own parents. I know I’m not close with him myself, but I can’t see myself sending old people who would travel hours just to see me. What the fuck, dad? 

“He did send money through his secretary,” Gran continues, smiling sadly, “saying that it should be enough and there’s no need for us to bother him in person. Your Pop-pop got really angry with your dad and threw his secretary out of the house when he came by to drop a check. 

“That’s why we moved here, to stay away from our eldest son’s radar. Sadly, he didn’t even bother to look for us. And I believe Baekhyun already told you about the story when he found out we live here.” 

Despite my sorrow, I purse my lips and close my eyes, ashamed that we’re caught in act gossiping about other people’s lives.  

Gran chuckles, leaning forward to caress my cheeks. “You have your father’s eyes, my dear. Don’t let the kindness in you be gone, okay? For your Gran?” 

I lean on her palm, smiling widely before nodding my head. “I won’t, I promise.” 

She nods in approval, dropping a quick peck on my forehead. “Now, I know your father threw you out of his house, but he’s still your father, dear. You’ve been away for two months. He’s worried.” 

My shoulders quickly drop, realizing that she’s right, at the same time, I’m scared that they’re not even looking for me, and probably celebrating that the nuisance of the family is out of the house. “I don’t know, Gran...” 

“My dear... your Pop-pop used to cry at night worrying about your dad, if he was eating well, or if he was safe having big names as his competitors.” Gran says, encouraging me to be a bigger person. “I’m not going to stop you if you want to stay here. You’re more than welcome, you know that. But for your beloved Pop-pop's sake, please at least let your dad know where you are and that you’re safe. He might’ve been cruel, but he’s still a father. But I will not deny how disappointed I am about the slap you mentioned. And if he doesn’t want you, as I’ve said, you have me... you have us here. And if you want to finish your studies, I’ll help you.” 

I think about it for a few seconds, coming to realization that Gran’s word makes sense. I let him down and he doesn’t want to see me, he made that clear, it won’t hurt if I let him know that I accidentally travelled five hours away from the city, meeting my paternal grandmother who turns out to be the sweetest and kindest soul that made my inner child feel loved and cared for. 

I know I said before that no matter what happens, I will still finish my undergrad in the city. But do I really want to go back to the city? If you’d ask me two months ago, or even a month ago, I’d answer yes in a heartbeat, but now... I don’t know anymore. 

Gran is here. She’s old, and I truly want to be with her, take care of her. I’m being realistic when I think about the years she only has left. And I want to make up for the years my dad, her son, wasn’t around to be spend time with them. Gran and Pop-pop's children were too busy growing up that they didn’t realize how their parents are growing old too... and now Pop-pop's gone. I want to be there for Gran. 

And Baekhyun. The person who taught me that love can be golden, and not black and white.  

We might have had a bad start, but for the short time we’ve been together, he made me feel something I’ve never felt before. He listens to my thoughts, understands my sentiments, and has never judged my past. He makes sure that I won’t feel alone in this world anymore by his words and actions. “You have me—you will always have me. You don’t have to be afraid anymore. I will always be by your side.” 

When night comes, I’m left alone in the room I’ve been using for a little over two months now. I finally have my phone that’s been left untouched since then. The charger is plugged as I gather courage before holding the power button. 

When the familiar logo on the screen lights up, my heart feels like it’s going to jump out of my chest, and when I confirm my pin on the lock screen, my hands start to get clammy. I set the phone down and watch the number of messages coming in as minutes go by. 

Some of them are from my former friends in university that I don’t bother to read the preview and scroll down further on my inbox. Most of the messages are from Kyungsoo, asking my whereabouts, spamming me with concern questions, frantically searching for me since none of his friends or my so-called friends don’t have any idea nor have seen me since I left home. He mentioned in his messages repeatedly: Where are you? / Do you need money? / I’ll send you money if you need it. / Mom and dad are worried sick. / Call me, please. 

But a particular message makes me cry in an instant as soon as I see whom it was from.  

I hope you’re safe and eating well. Dad | Received 11:07 PM 

I’m sorry. Please come home. Dad | Received 5:06 AM 

Gran is right. No matter what, he’s still a father. My thumb hovers the call icon on the upper right corner of the screen, closing my eyes and swiping left instead, making the screen go back to list of messages and tap the one with my brother’s name on it. 

It rings three times before I heard his voice on the other line. “What the fu—where are you? Please tell me you’re still alive.” 

“You’re smart and dumb at the same time. How can I make a call if I’m dead?” I chuckle, though shakily as I couldn’t stop sobbing after hearing Kyungsoo’s voice for a long time. “I—I’m okay... I’m sorry for making you all worry.” 

“Are you still in the country?” 

I nod my head then remember that he can’t see me. “I am.” And I had to stop myself from saying: I only had a hundred bucks when dad threw me out. What country can I afford? Republic of Poverty? Thank goodness I realize that it’s inappropriate to get sassy with him at this moment. 

I heard rustling of sheets from his line and I’m guessing he’s getting out of bed. “Where are you? I’ll come get you.” 

“I—” I can’t stop choking a sob, leaning the side of my head on my palm as I cry. “I don’t want to go back, Kyungsoo.” 

“Huh—what?! Wait, let me get dad and mom.” Then followed loud steps he takes as he strides to where our parents are. There was a commotion on their side, and I heard my mom shrieking, “Oh, my God!” 

“Sweetheart?” It’s my dad’s voice, and I haven’t heard him call me any endearment since elementary. “A-are you okay? Please tell me you’re somewhere safe...” 

I snivel, wiping my tear-soaked face with the hem of my shirt. “I’m okay... I’m okay—I’m sorry, dad. I’m so sorry.” 

“Hey—shh... it’s okay.” My dad hushes on the other line, and my mom’s crying can be heard in the background as well, chanting a very soft, “Where is she? Where’s my baby?” 

“Tell me where you are, sweetheart. I’ll come get you.” And I heard Kyungsoo saying that he’ll come too. “We’ll come get you. We’ll be okay.” 

“I—” I take a deep trembling breath before continuing, reminding myself what Gran told me. “I’m here at Gran’s.” 

There’s a pause on the line before my dad asks, “Where?” 

“I’m here at your mother’s, dad. Gran. She’s been taking care of me for the past two months. It’s a long story, but we just found out recently that we’re related.” 

“You—you’re at my mother’s place?” 

“Yes,” I answer firmly, deciding to let him know about my plan. “And I want to stay here with her.” 

This time, it took him almost a minute to answer. I’m biting my nails in anticipation about what he’s going to say, however, all I know is my decision is final. 

“Go get some sleep. We’ll talk tomorrow.” 

The next morning, when my dad said we’d talk, I thought that another call would come in, or I would have to call them back. However, when Han came knocking at Gran’s front door during breakfast to inform us that he’s here along with my mom and Kyungsoo, I wanted to hide somewhere, realizing that I’m not ready to see them as I was expecting myself to be. 

I’m engulfed in a hug by my mom as soon as she comes in the door, and my dad following behind her. He looks like he’s fighting back tears, pursing his lips while he raises his hand to pat my head.  

However, his demeanor fails him when Gran walking in the entrance of her house, smiling sadly at his son, my dad, who instantly breaks in tears before walking towards his mother for a hug. I lost count of how many times he apologized to Gran, and when he pulls away, he says, “Thank you for taking care of my daughter.” 

Having no physical affection for my brother growing up, I stand in front of him awkwardly with a twisted face. “Do we need to hug as well?” 

Kyungsoo scoffs, shaking his head with the corner of his mouth curve up in a small smile. “You fucking moron—” he pulls me to him, wrapping his arm tightly around my body. “I was so worried about you. I’m so sorry for everything. I shouldn’t have said those words when I didn’t mean it.” 

I return his hug, burying my face on his shoulder as I cry. “I’m sorry too. And thank you for offering to send me money, I really appreciate it.” 

He laughs out loud as he pulls away, giving the side of my head a playful smack. “From all of the things I texted you, that was the only thing you remember.” 

I grin widely, “Of course.” 

There was a long catch up with the family, more specifically Gran and his two sons. My dad and Han finally sat down and talked by themselves in the living room, while my mom and Gran chatted in the living room. 

I brought Kyungsoo to the barn behind the house, letting him meet my fellas for the past two months and I can’t help but smile that he is enjoying feeding them. Never in my life had I imagined I’d see my brother carrying a bucket of chicken feed while throwing them on the ground with his bare hand. 

I was smiling while I watch Kyungsoo do the things he’s unfamiliar with when I’m suddenly lifted from the ground and spined twice. The strong grip around my waist is too familiar for me not to know who it is, and to think that there’s only one person who’s been doing this to me. 

“Good morning, baby,” before I can even react, Baekhyun places his mouth on mine for a chaste kiss. And if it isn’t for the burning gaze at the back of my head, I’ll return his kiss with the same fondness.  

And I guess Baekhyun realizes that because he pulls away with a scowl. I raise my brows to him, silently telling him about Kyungsoo behind me. Fortunately, he got the message, and his eyes followed where I’m referring to.  

“Oh, hi there,” Baekhyun casually greets Kyungsoo with a nod of his head. He then turns to me, “Gran’s guest?” 

“Uh...” I peek over my shoulder just to see Kyungsoo’s squinting his eyes on me. He knew what I’ve been doing in the city, and words won’t be enough to explain how much he hates it and rats on me every single time. Though, I’m praying that he’s not seeing Baekhyun in a different light and thinks that he’s a one-time thing while I’m here in this town.  

Then I turn to Baekhyun with an awkward smile, “Yes...? Some sort, but he’s also my older brother.” 

I watch how my boyfriend’s face turns into horror, facing Kyungsoo with wide eyes. I haven’t told him about the phone call since he had work last night and stayed the night at their house since his mom needed him for something. 

“My parents are also inside the house—but hey!” I try to break the tension with a laugh, clapping my hands in the process, “I’d like you to meet Kyungsoo, he’s my older brother. Kyungsoo, this is Baekhyun, my boyfriend.” 

Kyungsoo looks at me weirdly, like he’s not expecting me to say the word: boyfriend. And I roll my eyes at him, nudging my brows to Baekhyun’s directly to tell: Yes, he’s my boyfriend. Shake his hand or I’ll break yours. 

Fortunately, they did introduce themselves in a civil manner. Although my worry leaned towards my brother who’s been up my butt since we were kids, however, Baekhyun must really have charm over people, and they look like they are having a decent conversation. 

When my dad and Baekhyun faced each other after their infamous heated argument back then, I thought I was going to pee my pants. Dad didn’t look so happy that I’m dating Baekhyun, but my mom did look surprised yet happy that I settled into a real relationship with someone. She got too excited and babbled, “Are you guys thinking about marriage?” 

And the horror on all our faces, especially my dad who’s about to burst, but I’m grateful he didn’t say any insult to the person I care about romantically.  

Han nudges my dad’s arm with his elbow, and I still can’t believe that the two of them are on talking terms again after the story I’ve heard here and there. “Hey, hyung, I know you don’t trust my judgement, but I can vouch for Byun right here. He’s a good guy and I never see him hurting your daughter. The opposite actually. He’s been taking care of her from morning to night since day one.” 

I send Han a grateful smile, and I glance at Baekhyun to see he’s doing the same. Han may be a jerk at times, likes getting on our nerves, but I’m really, really glad he appreciates and doesn’t turn blind eye at Baekhyun’s effort.  

Gran nods her head in agreement, “Yes, Baekhyun here never left her side even though they didn’t get along at first.” 

I look at Gran with huge eyes, and she smiles at me innocently. She could’ve left the last part out. Seriously. 

“Sir, may I tell you something?” Baekhyun chimes in and all attention turns to him. My leg bounces anxiously while I wait for his next words. “I’m in love with your daughter, and I respect your opinion as her father. But I will still stand with what I’ve said two years ago.” 

Han closes his eyes, palming his face. “You could’ve stopped with you respect him as your girlfriend’s father, you fuckin’ idiot.” 

I peek over my lashes to see Baekhyun’s expression. I’ve never seen him so serious, firm and... he kind of looks hot. What the hell am I thinking?  

But wait! Did he just say he’s in love with me? Wait—what?! My eyes that are ogling at him go wide as saucer and a squeal threatens to escape my throat. 

“You don’t have to worry,” my dad finally speaks, having the same expression as Baekhyun. “I will not go stand between you and my daughter.” 

And I almost laugh out loud when all of us sigh in relief, even Kyungsoo looks like a ton of weights have been lifted off his shoulder. 

“But you, young lady,” he continues, pointing a finger to my direction. “I understand that you found someone here, but is that enough reason you don’t want to go back and finish your degree?” 

“Huh? What—you’re not dropping out!” And now it’s my turn to get the attention. I jut my bottom lip to Baekhyun who looks visibly upset. 

“Okay! Who wants to help me make lunch—I think everyone. Come with me to the kitchen!” Gran cuts the tension between us, and all of them immediately stand up, except for my brother who looks interested in the conversation that’s about to happen. If it’s not for our mom who had to pull him by his arm forcefully. 

Baekhyun opens his mouth, but I stop him before he can say anything. “Okay—first of all, I want to stay here with Gran. I’m not dropping out because of you.” 

He scoffs, running his fingers through his hair. A habit of his when he’s annoyed. “You’re not a good liar, you know?” 

I open and close my mouth several times before settling with a sigh, defeated. “Okay, you’re right. Gran’s part of it though. So, don’t get full of yourself.” 

“Baby—” he groans, ruffling his hair this time, and he sounds so frustrated. “This is such a bad timing to say, but I love you. I really love you, that means I want the best for you.” 

I whimper when I finally hear the three words no one has ever told me. “Baekhyun, I—” I inhaled sharply, “I love you too. And you are part of the reason why I don’t want to leave this town. I now don’t know how not to be with you. Please...” 

He had to close his eyes when look at him with tears running down my face. “Please don’t cry.” 

“You dropped out of college and turns out just fine, why can’t I—” 

“No, I did not turn out just that,” he grits his teeth and realizes how strong his reaction was, so he reaches out for my hands and holds them. “I—I have to juggle several jobs a day to make ends meet. I may be fine with it but for you, my love, I want nothing but the best.” 

“But—” 

“I know you’re capable, I’ve seen you since you arrived here. You’re the one who said before you don’t want to drop out, and I’m asking you to honor your words,” he drops a kiss to my knuckles then on the corner of my mouth. “And I’m not breaking up with you if that’s what you’re assuming. I’ll always be here, I told you that. Just one year. If you still want to be here, then I will not stop you. And if you decide that you’ll stay in the city, and God forbid, with a new hot guy, then I’ll support you.” 

I chuckle at the last part of his sentence, “But you’ll cry if that happens, right?” 

“I’ll cry, drink until I vomit, and ogle at someone’s cleavage.”  

“Hey!” I smack his chest with my fist, and he laughs, pulling me to his chest before wrapping his arms around my body, kissing my temple afterwards.  

“So, one year?” 

I contemplate for almost a minute, before pulling away a little just to look at him in the eyes. “We’ll still see each other, right?” 

Baekhyun nods his head, displaying a gentle smile on his face. “If time permits, I’ll go to you. And if you have nothing going on, you can come here. We can also Facetime every day if you want.” 

I try to say something funny about Facetiming every day but realizing that I won’t be physically with him every day saddens me. Baekhyun’s been my light and I’ll be stepping out to the world again without him this time. It scares me, but for him, I’ll do it. 

I cried until nighttime that day. My family left me alone with him, knowing that we’d be separated in a few days. He held me close and made love until the soft rays of light peeked through the windows. Keeping our mouths on each other while chanting our love to one another. 

“I love you.” We said to each other with a last kiss for a while. 

It’s different now. 

My life has turned a hundred and eighty degrees since I came back to the city. I can’t remember the last time I drank alcohol or the last time I lit up a cigarette. 

I’ve been eating dinner with my parents and brother, telling each other’s day and just catching up, or ranting if someone’s day had been difficult.  

I also got part-time jobs here and there, earning my own money instead of being too reliant on my dad’s credit card. I don’t even use it anymore. I’ve also been hanging out around people who make me a good person and forgetting the people whom I used to know. 

Coming out clean to my family about my struggle with my thoughts, I also started going to therapy and they’re supportive of it... of me.  

And yes, you might wonder where he is. Well, you see— 

I’m just kidding. Baekhyun and I are doing great. He’s been visiting at least twice a month, and I go to visit the town when I have a long weekend. Though our time together is short unlike before, we always make the best out of it. You name it, dates, sleeping in, or you know, it’s me we’re talking about so sex will never leave the conversation when it comes to our relationship. 

Gran also visits, specifically on special occasions and holidays. The three of them travelled to the city for my birthday, and it’s going to be my favorite for a long time.  

When Christmas came, Kyungsoo and I went to visit the town since our parents had made prior arrangements months ago, hence they were unable to cancel. We decorated the Christmas tree and received allowance from Gran and our uncle, Han. 

We’ve come to an agreement that it was the most fun Christmas we had in our entire life. 

Time flies so fast that I didn’t realize graduation was approaching right around the corner. My dad sat me down to discuss my decision and assured me that whatever it might be, he’d support me. 

I told him that it didn’t change. He smiled and told me that he was expecting it. He then proceeded to discuss his plan to help. He said that I could reject his offer, but he’d be happy if I accepted it. 

I immediately got into a call with Gran, telling him about Dad’s plan to invest in Agriculture in the town instead of building hotels and resorts. Gran asked me about my thoughts on it, and I told her that it could help locals get more sources of income, and the focus would be on them. 

Gran sounded so happy and agreed. I didn’t understand why she kept thanking me, but when she said, “You changed everything for the better,” I bawled my eyes out. 

After graduation, I told Baekhyun that I’d be staying in the city for a week to think. You know... because it wouldn’t be me if I’d boringly tell him I’d stay for good in town. 

I almost told him that when he looked visibly sad during our daily Facetime, but I’m glad I held my ground. 

It was only five in the morning when I arrived. I drop my things at Gran’s and hop on my cruise bicycle to his basement, my face getting hit by the once unfamiliar but now loved cold breeze when the sun hasn’t risen yet. 

With the spare key in my pocket that he had given me, I open the door and see his silhouette sleeping soundly in his twin-sized bed. I remove my shoes before closing the door behind me. I slowly walk to the other side of the bed, trying not to wake him up as I lift the blanket and sneak beside him... Baekhyun. 

But my efforts went in vain when he groaned and lifted his head. His eyes look droopy as he stares at me confusedly. “Love?” 

I grin at him, leaning to kiss his lips. “I’m home.” 

The surprised look on his face makes the dimmed basement brighter. He hugs me tightly and kisses parts of my face repeatedly. “Welcome home, my love.” 

Yes, home... 

This is my home now. He is my home. 

And it’s brighter now. 

[azzifudd]

was able to get through the paywall!☺️

WEST SPRINGFIELD — When UConn women’s basketball player Azzi Fudd first tore her right anterior cruciate ligament in the summer of 2019, she struggled through the physical and mental toll she faced during her recovery.

Despite the pain she endured to get back onto the court - or maybe because of that experience - Fudd remembers barely being fazed when she tore her right ACL for a second time.

“My reaction shocked me,” Fudd said on Saturday at Hooplandia. “I thought for sure I would just cry. The first time I was a mess, I cried, I was so sad. (But) when it happened this time, I felt like I kind of knew.

“I’ve been working the last few years on the mental side of the game, working on my mindset, my confidence, my self-talk... so I was like ‘Ok, I’ve been through this before, I know how big the mental aspect is - what am I going to do to help myself get through it this time and handle it a lot better than I did in high school’ because I didn’t handle it well. So when it happened (again), I was really upset, but I didn’t let myself go down that rabbit hole of what could’ve been if I was healthy.”

But even her stronger mental approach could not lessen the most difficult factor of recovery: the wait.

“Surgery was fine, all that was fine. It’s harder halfway through the season when I’ve been sitting through games, I’ve been cheering, I’ve been positive,” Fudd said. “And then it hits you, like, 10 games of just sitting on the bench cheering (and realizing) ‘I still have so many more games to sit here and cheer and still not play/’

“It’s definitely really tough, (the wait is) one of the harder things that people don’t talk about.”

Fudd stressed how important her physical rehabilitation process was in helping her regain trust in her body.

“Do your rehab, it’s so important,” Fudd said.

“I lived, ate, breathed my rehab and when it was time to come back, everyone was like, ‘Did you have doubts, did you think you were going to tear it again’, I didn’t have any doubts... because I knew all the hard work that I put in (during) my rehab process so I knew how strong my leg was, I knew what I was capable of doing because I did so much to prepare myself.”

Basketball was the driving force behind Fudd’s determination during this process and finding that reason can make all the difference.

“At the end of the day, I love basketball and that’s what I wanted to keep doing, that was my purpose behind my rehab,” Fudd said. “Some people, they might be done playing basketball, but they still want to rehab, whether it’s to play a different sport, to be a singer, to be a dancer - you’re still rehabbing for a reason. Remember what that reason is, it doesn’t have to be basketball anymore, it can be something else, but just find that reason and keep going.”

Thank you!!

Aww Azzi, it sucks obviously that she had to go through it again, but it seems like she knew her mentality had to be and was going to be different this time around. She let herself be upset, but not to the point where she spiraled about 'what could've been.' Which is what she said at that summit a few months ago too. 100% makes sense that just sitting and waiting to play again was one of the hardest parts, Paige struggled with that too. Even when you're trying to be positive and cheer for your teammates. I hope she's really able to come back confident in her body. You really gotta be a different breed mentally to be a pro athlete and not just wanna quit lol

[lesbianherald]

hello! i want to start off with thanking you for sharing coming home (but not to you) with us!

i was hesitant to read it at first, just because it’s not finished yet, but ofc i ended up giving in. best decision i’ve made :’))

aaaaaaaaaaa im in love with how you wrote them. gosh, the angst hits amazingly, i immediately ran to my friend to share it and told them to read this now!!! i’m a sucker for professors au (we’re lacking in it /sobs), slow-burn, angst, yearning, friends to rivals to friends to lovers again and your fic matches all those! and to top it off, your writing is amazing!

LOVER BOY JAYCE, MY FAVOURITE FLAVOUR OF HIM!!! fawk i just want to give him a hug and a pat on the back /becomes ximena for a bit to just do that/ lmao

and viktor huhuhu holy fuck how do i even describe what i feel for him? i think the best way to express it is /takes off mask/ i am jayce—jk dbdbdjd but yeah i love viktor a lot and i feel so much for him idk how to form the words😭 he’s my favourite and i love love love the way you write him! i love how you were able to balance his confidence and insecurities so well i just want to squish him dhdhdhd i think at some point i was praying he stops being stubborn and let jayce apologize, but honestly it’s hard and i understand why he was very firm. gods the tender moments between him and jayce huhuhu i want to bawl my eyes—i love jayvik so much.

the highlights for me were the catnapping (love this scene), viktor’s mentorship with jinx (my two faves😭🩷), the sisters’ reunion, ximena (omg i love her so much, i want to be her child and get smothered by her love), and ofc, the apology scene😭🩷🩷🩷

this was supposed to be just a small thank you and then get to my questions, but i ended up gushing a bit ^^; i should have probably taken this to ao3 comments instead dbdhdhd

so moving on to my questions, please know you don’t have to answer them if you’re not comfortable! i’m just interested in knowing some of the process authors’ go through when writing fics! and the way they choose to interpret the characters and their relationships.

- what made you watch arcane and fall for jayvik?

- were there any troublesome scenes/parts to write?

- which dynamics were you excited to write and explore in cmbnty?

- were there scenes that you wanted to incorporate, but didn’t end up adding?

- and lastly, other than arcane and jayvik, what are some of your interests?

that’s all!! and once again, please free to ignore the questions if you’d like!

p.s i laughed so hard on your author’s note about jayce not driving a cybertruck😭

thank you so much again for sharing cmbnty!

<3

HOLY MOLY THIS IS SO SWEET AND THOUGHTFUL!!!! I LOVE QUESTIONS!! I'm going to take some time to answer this one so here. Also, I do get into the current chapter a little (no spoilers, obviously, but maybe some lil hints/teasers, so I hope that's cool)

thank you so much for your thoughts on my viktor and jayce! I've worked so hard on trying to make them just the right amount of difficult and flawed so I love it when people see that and says it hits <3

the catnapping scene was so fun to write - and I adore jinx - so I'm glad those two things also hit fo you <3

i first watched arcane when it came out in 2021 because I saw gifs of it on tumblr and was so thrown by how beautiful the animation was. (I wont lie, controversially, I almost gave up on it because the music was so..... choice to me). i loved jayvik at the time. i was really hoping caitvi was going to hit harder (another reason I got into it is I heard lesbians) but I didn't really connect with the enforcer elements of caitlyn's story (I love her but yeah I found it all a bit questionable and I'm very very sick of lesbian cops in media)

i was obsessed. but not 'its time to engage with the fandom' obsessed. for some reason the first season just didn't hit as hard then as it did on my re-watch.

fast forward to 2024 and sorry this is so personal - but I'm between hyperfixations and am very depressed (lethal combo DKSLFJHSD) and it was the perfect storm for me to get re-immersed in arcane after I saw the first trailer on my twitter feed.

jayvik itself hits a lot of buttons for me I just adore. they're both genuinely kind characters who are flawed but want to do good. they have a natural chemistry and I just love stories about people who hold certain gifts that may be isolating and then they find each other and it means that they become the only people who can really understand each other?

I'm also OBSESSED with scientist characters. something about the beauty of discovery. the passion. the way its so easy to create something with good intentions that winds up causing harm. i have close family in stem and did a lot of stem stuff in undergrad and idk. i just really love scientists. my ideal woman is some hot woman in stem DKFLJSHf.

viktor being disabled (which i also am) also added a layer to this for sure. and just. the immediate stakes of saving someone's life. connecting over a dream - that Jayce is just so graciously and immediately willing to share after like. a few hours alone together lmao. it all feels so intense and loving.

2. troublesome scenes to write

so many dfkljh.

the flashback in chapter 3 came kind of out of nowhere for me. i did not expect it to get so emotionally charged- and to feel so much when I was writing it. i left this note in chapter four - but I was sitting on the chapter for days and afraid to publish because I was so surprised by it. it wasn't so much troublesome to write as it was troublesome to edit/reflect on. i got really in my head. i was like this is fanfiction about league of legends characters. why did I write this? DLKFJSHD.

the flashback of their big fight in chapter 5

this one, I'm so glad I wrote this before getting eyes because I fear I would have been very tempted to sanitize it and make it less mean. even now I've gotten a few comments being like. :( jayce would never do that :(

in my opinion... he would lol and I stand by it. everybody is capable of being really ugly and horrible when pushed into the right corner/circumstances. and jayce very much did manufacture weapons on the show despite viktor's wishes - so its something I was really wanting to explore in a modern context.

its just something i had to think a lot about. how far did I want it to go? how could I make it get really nasty while keeping some sort of empathy alive for both sides, especially jayce. how to I make sure viktor doesn't become this innocent victim in it all? how do I make sure that mel, despite being a catalyst, isn't portrayed as like a villain who ruined everything and instead as someone with her own unique motivations and concerns that happened to deliver crucial information? i hope I did all of it well. I'm personally as happy with the scene as I'll get with anything.

out of all the scenes I wrote, this is the one that gets the most pushback, specifically relating to jayce. i knew that would happen going into it, because I think the fandom has an over-romanticized view of jayce's arc and actions in season 1. but oddly I'm almost happy with that? I'm glad that it challenges people. one of the things I find most compelling and beautiful about jayce is redemption. and redemption can't happen unless you do something that requires it - so I hate that people ignore how much fucked up shit he does in season 1 lmao.

mel and viktor's slay-off on the balcony

the end of chapter 11 where mel and viktor talk I just knew was going to be incredibly important. it was one of those moments I was leading up to the whole time, because I knew it would be very relevant in future chapters (wink wink) and because its such a culmination of everything that's happened so far.

on my first write of it, i think because I was afraid of it, I focused way more on the logistics of what was happening with noxus and the board etc etc. it took me a while to find a balance between plot and emotion I was comfortable with.

for some reason the entire time i knew they were going to wind up laughing together. that was very emotionally important to me. but getting there was uhh... hard. again. I'm not saying I did this (or the above scenes) perfectly like good god. but yeah this one was a hard journey.

very important/high-stakes scene in chapter 13

there is a very big scene that I've had planned the whole time that, after season 2, I found important to take in a slightly darker and more dramatic direction. a lot of reasons I was torn on this - 1 - allowing season 2 to influence my writing is something I'm hesitant about. but also this is FANFIC so I decided that's kind of the point.

but its very much been a very delicate balance of a few things - 1. how do I not get preachy and let my anger at the particular storyline in season 2 affect how I write this? 2. this deals with jayce and viktor being witnesses to other characters struggles vs being at the center of it themselves? so I have to deal with how much they can actually be present. (this was also a struggle I had when Vi and Jinx reunited) how much they would logically witness before it feels like they're only present so I can continue telling the story. 3. because its such a dramatic scene, how do I make the dialogue feel real? how do I not let a particular character speak their feelings too much while also giving people a good window into their psyche? 4. how high the stakes should be. (this I will elaborate on once its out)

i am incredibly nervous for this scene. more so than anything else I've written in this fic. I'm still working on my first draft of the chapter and am going to spend so so much time in the next drafts on it. it's going to be really hard to land this one - and I really wanna do it right.

the final scene :)

i still dont have my final scene. i know where its happening, what thematically I want of it, how we get there, and I know I'm writing it today.

there was a moment where I almost went in a direction I think people would like- but have decided against ultimately. it felt too... cliche and a bit unearned.

additionally, with characters like viktor, who really struggle with saying what's on their mind, I have to play a very careful game of giving him bits of dialogue that land and feel like growth, without feeling unearned or unnatural.

3. which dynamics were you excited to write and explore in cmbnty?

aside from the obvious, jinx and viktor (honestly after season 2, i wish i explored jayce and ekko more), mel and viktor, cait and jayce.

4. were there scenes that you wanted to incorporate, but didn’t end up adding?

there's nothing huge that jumps out at me. honestly, I think there are probably some things I could have condensed more looking at the word count. i think the only thing is I had an idea for a flashback last chapter that dealt with jayce in the aftermath of viktor leaving, but I couldn't find a way to make it relevant, and it ultimately felt very overindulgent and melodramatic in the outline in a way I really didn't fuck with.

and lastly, other than arcane and jayvik, what are some of your interests?

:) i'm really into film. i'm a bit of a film bro lmao. i like video games (huge bg3 fan). true to my ao3 name i love cats and animals in general. I'm fascinated with outer space, physics, astrobiology. I'm also a huge history nerd, especially "weird" and unheard of history.

my whole life is writing really. in a way that's probably not super healthy lmao but it is what it is.

I am so sorry for the insane yap session I just went on. hopefully it doesn't come off overindulgent or like self involved. i just love chit chatting haha and happen to be fully on a break from work for a few weeks so I have a ton of time on my hands dfklasjdf

[atimesfeeler]

I loved @twilightkitkat 's post SO MUCH I just had to add to it. It reminded me of a fic I'm working on rn.

I especially liked the part with Vanessa because I don’t think she just left him because of the reason Wade thinks. She didn’t just want him to be a superhero or whatever- in the flash back, she’s begging him to open up to her, to be present, to let her help him and I don’t thinks Wade could do it.

He felt like, incorrectly, that he couldn’t burden her with it. He has so much baggage and pain and issues, and he can’t corrupt her with that. He had cancer and instead of spending his last days with her, he left her. And when he survived he avoided her until she was literally kidnapped.

Everyone thinks Logan runs but really Wade does. He doesn’t want the people he loves to know he’s in pain. At his birthday party, he’s obviously miserable but everybody’s together! And smiling! So he’s going to be happy and pretend he’s just fine. But he’s not even very good at hiding it bc, like mentioned before, it’s a little bitter. His jokes don’t land or they come out passive aggressive and tense. But nobody calls him out for it except Logan. Logan who tells him in the meanest way that he’s a clown but that he’s sad, pathetic, and attention starved. He’s not buying the clown act.

And when Logan moves in, I love the idea that he starts noticing Wade when his mask falls or he gets too tired to pretend.

I’m writing a fic where Wade deals with chronic pain in less healthy ways and, of course, he tries to hide it. It's more brief and censored on tumblr bc I don't want to get my account terminated again, but it will be more detailed on ao3.

…

He dealt with it in other ways. The pain.

After all, a little bit of death couldn’t hurt, right?

Treating himself gently only sometimes worked. If he did everything right, if he did all the steps then maybe, maybe it would ease up. Sleep well, wake up at the right time, eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner, draw a scalding bath, and take some hard hitting drugs.

Most days, Wade was much more impatient. Most days, Wade failed. It was too hard to take care of himself when waking up felt like dragging himself up from glacier water and pounding on the underside of the ice. Cooking was a nightmare he didn’t even want to consider tackling, and he was rarely patient enough to wait for the bath to fill or for sleep to take him as his body wracked with pain.

There were faster, easier, more instant ways of relieving the pain.

Any pain that didn’t stem from his own body was good.

With Vanessa, Wade had tried the healthy way. The three meals, ten hours of sleep, and taking his vitamins. The whole mile. There was this urge he constantly resisted that told him it would release the tension in his skull if he carved under his eye into his cheek where the migraine pulsed, like he was some sort of fucked up carpenter with voices in his head.

Vanessa didn’t understand it. If he was in pain, why would he want to be in more? She understood his masochistic tendencies in bed where they mixed pain and pleasure, but just pain? Just harm for the sake of being harmed? They got into a lot of fights about it.

He resisted the attempts. Hid them from her where he could. Sometimes he’d miscalculate, and she’d walk into the bathroom before he could heal and clean up his brain splattered on the bathroom tile. She hated it, and Wade hated that he was hurting her.

He reeled back any anger or snippy comments that stemmed from the sheer newness of having his body feel like it was dying all the time. It was so hard to interact when pain rippled through him like a feedback chamber. It made his fuse short and curt. His witty remarks turned snappish and bitchy. People asked stupid questions and made even stupider comments when he was having a Bad Pain Day, and everything felt a bit more raw and oozing. Wade didn’t have the energy to keep up the act and while his mind rarely stopped running, it shifted into something darker when pain was on his mind. His jokes fell flat, laced with a bitter ending. Sometimes, Wade didn’t even want to talk. He wanted to punch someone. Maybe even himself. And every time he snapped or said something he didn’t mean, he wanted to hurt himself even more.

Quickly, he grew exhausted putting on a brave face, and he had never been good at letting people help him. There was this awful clash of wanting to be comforted by the people he loved and hating that he needed comfort. It made him feel weak and pathetic, and Wade already hated so much about himself that he didn’t want anyone to see the twisted, fucked up parts of him. How ironic that he always had an audience anyway. He couldn’t hide it from you or whoever was watching him those days, but he could hide it from the people he loved. Shield them from it, almost.

On Bad Pain Days, Wade didn’t want anything to be different. He didn’t want to acknowledge the pain he dealt with, and seeing that pity on her face set his teeth on edge. It both hurt to be babied and, later, it hurt to be ignored when he stubbornly insisted he was fine.

Obviously, it didn’t work out.

It was better with Al.

Al tried to help. Once or twice. Her motherly instincts kicked in, maybe, Wade didn’t know. He shot himself once in front of her while they were watching the Bachelorette together, and she cursed him out and told him to stop and never do it again. Wade took his little attempts to the bathroom after that. He cleaned up after himself. He went out. Wade tended not to do the more dramatic methods that draw attention.

Wade had it down to a science. A decent chunk out of his frontal lobe sent Wade into a pleasant, almost subspace-like place. He would just… float and forget that his body hurt all that bad. It was good for Bad Brain DaysTM too when Wade’s thoughts were louder, faster than normal, and the voices stopped sounding like himself. When the fourth wall was a little too easy to see, and it got to him, being the doomed comic relief, when his head was trying to split his consciousness in two.

If his temporal lobe was nicked, then Wade would start hallucinating and hear a banger of a song while time, space, and movement sort of fucked up for a second. It felt like getting high, but he didn’t need an entire bag of cocaine and to hot box weed to get there.

If something happened to his parietal lobe, the pain wouldn’t know where to go. A bear could literally be eating his insides, but the pain signals couldn’t register if they had nowhere to go.

He did most of his questionable coping methods in the stereotypical bathroom spot. It was private, and Al got onto him for getting blood and bits all over the apartment. He once left his liver or his kidney in the kitchen sink, and Althea threatened to call the cops on him - her coke stash be damned. Now he’d drape himself in the empty tub, play music loudly, and expertly deal with the pain.

The system he had was fine. Regulated. It was working. It was fine. It wasn’t going to get any better.

Until Logan.

...

I haven't posted it on ao3 yet, but it will be apart of the series for my fic where Wade cries in the Honda instead of fighting.

[aerinmoriarty]

I was going to remake these graphics with my username over here, but I’m lazy so here it is….

I have always been interested in the accidental synchronicity between Wizard of Oz and Pink Floyd‘s Dark Side of the Moon. Because of this, I’m always on the lookout for other albums and films that seem like they match up. And since Taylor was obviously taking measures to associate Tortured Poets Department with Dead Poet’s Society, and because they were nearly the same length, I decided to partake in them both together. And initially there were some similarities, but nothing too crazy and then I reconsidered what The Manuscript was actually saying, especially the point where it talks about looking backwards being the only way to move forwards.

Before I go into more detail, please know that if you’ve never seen Dead Poets Society before, you need to watch it at least once before watching them together. The film features a handful of boys who all wear almost identical uniforms, and don’t look that different from one another. It’s confusing enough on its own, without adding TTPD context.

I made a playlist of the album in reverse track order starting with The Manuscript and ending with Fortnight, then began it alongside the film. I realized there were considerably more similarities this way, but the timing didn’t quite feel right. So I watched it a third time and I started the film first and started the album 13 seconds in because we know how much she loves 13.

And yall…

First off, during the part of The Manuscript where Taylor sings “in synchronicity with the score,” all of the boys sit in synchronicity. This was the first sign to me that I had the time correct but the second thing that confirmed that was Robin.

Robin is going to play while Robin Williams character is being introduced. It’s emotional. And I don’t want to spoil a lot for people because I think this is one of those things people should expose themselves to, but not only does every single song on the album apply to things happening on screen often in numerous ways, but also the silences in between tracks hit during some of the most important lines of the film, and during some of the most poignant silences of the film.

And the film’s climax… with TTPD… it’s INCREDIBLE.

At this point, I just could not stop watching the two together and the more I watch them together the more similarities I noticed. So many similarities in fact that I really had to take a step back and really analyze everything and it was at that point that I realized that this is just not statistically likely to be an accident.

And especially when you factor the numerous ways that Taylor has alluded to this film herself as though she wanted us to make the connections… I have to assume that it’s on purpose

And the big question people have when I make that assertion is usually: why would Taylor do that? And there are a lot of reasons, but there are a couple of prominent ones.

— Taylor loves movies and wants to work in them more. Taylor is very likely (one of) the cinephile(s) mentioned in loml

— it’s a way to prove to film production companies that she can make a film score

— because TTPD (and in fact a lot of of her recent work) references a ton of film and TV and songs and books and poems and it does so in large part to add additional context to her songs. In particular context that is difficult for her to say explicitly, especially when you factor in how much her career is really a family business. It makes it difficult for her to criticize the way her parents raised her for example.

One of the biggest themes of Dead Poet’s Society that I think she wants us to carry into TTPD is just the weight of parental expectations and how hard that can be on a young person’s mental well-being.

Oh well I’m gonna stop yammering since I’m sure no one will read this.