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bluebunnyears-08 · 2 years ago

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Fucking Crying Over Here About Prime Again (Yes I have An Obsession With This Show, So What?)

Did anyone else notice a sort a cycle with Sonic and Nine, or what hopeless situation Nine is trapped in? I mean I didn't at first but thinking about it now it's becoming kinda obvious.

Let me start with the pattern part first. When Sonic and Nine had that brief moment of trust and friendship Sonic was sucked into the shard away from Nine, leaving the kit alone, confused, and most likely worried and no doubt hurt. When Sonic and Nine end up in the Grim and Sonic chooses to go and help the rebels, leaving Nine alone again, leaving him with the horrible feeling of rejection and loneliness one more. And finally when Sonic goes to look for Nine he unintentionally leaves Nine once again at the mercy of the council.

Now you might be thinking, so what are you saying? Well, did anyone else pick up on the fact that it wasn't just a moment of events, but it was the fact that Sonic leaves Nine in an even WORSE psychological state the more he unintentionally gets pushed away (either by the literally universe, or even Nine himself) and repeatably abandons Nine?

In the first moment of unintentional pain, Sonic gets sucked into the shard, Nine being concerned, confused, and no doubt conflicted, being left alone to ponder in his own worries and thoughts, even after he escapes the council. (Another thing is how he abandoned the rebels and Rusty to find a way to find Sonic, mostly due to his nihilistic and loner mindset, but a small sliver of it might've been due to Sonic disappearing without a teace. The only person who was EVER kind to him)

The second moment leaves Nine even worse, Sonic gently shutting down the Grim DID NOT take away the pain and probable gut punch Nine felt. Nine noticably doesn't yell or snap at Sonic (his noticable changes I'll mention in another post). In fact he seems to bitterly try to swallow that rejection. He pushed himself away from Sonic in that moment, obviously trying to protect himself from the pain, letting him go back and help the rebels, not forcing Sonic to stay (even thought he could've easily done so, he didn't, which again, I'll talk about his noticable character change in another post). Sonic leaves and Nine is left with his own thoughts, to gulp down on that emotional pain on his own.

The last time is when Sonic unintentionally leaves Nine to be captured. From the scenes we see, Nine isn't having the time of his life. He's tased relentlessly, having to dealt with the fact that the person he saw as his only friend rejected being together with him, AND left him when he needed his help on top of that. Not to mention listening to plans of murder.

Imagine: You're an eight year-old child who's been bullied and ostracized by everyone around you, being abused and neglected for something you never asked for, then after YEARS of pain, isolation, and loneliness, you find someone who tells you of another life you could had, someone who shows nothing but selfless concern and care for you, and that same person gets taken right in front of you, leaving you confused, hurt and alone again for what was stated to be WEEKS. Then you build a space ship so you can find him, finding a home for the both of you, when you finally see them again though they reject your idea of a perfect world. In your head: they reject you. You let them go, deeply hurt, but come back to help, only to be captured by tyrannical dictators, abandoned again by the only friend you had. You now have to deal with the undeniable fact of them rejecting you, being stuck with cruel but idiotic dictators who talk about KILLING someone you thought cared for you, and even when you manage to pursue them against it, they talk about draining them, about essentially torturing them to death. ALL OF THAT combined with the emotional trauma of a year long abuse, living in a crap sack world of cruelty and misery, being alone, hated, AND continuously blaming and hating yourself for years, AND the future mental toll of the revelation that it took someone from ANOTHER WORLD TO MAKE YOU FEEL LOVED AND SAFE, BUT IT WAS ONLY BECAUSE THEY SEE YOU AS SOMEONE ELSE, SOMEONE YOU COULD NEVER BE.

It REALLY makes wonder how Nine hasn't fucking SNAPPED.

But something tells me season two is going to get a lot worse for Nine. This series is about Sonic going through redemption to save the world, and Shadows eventual realization that communication takes using your words than using your fists, AND questions just how far a super genius child's mental state and psyche can last when our through isolation, horror, and depression.

But hold on, because I'm about to make this so much worse.

Which brings me to my second point of this post.

I can't remember who rn (mainly because I'm tired as fuck and writing this at 6 in the morning) but someone mentioned something that got me thinking; Nine's entire goal, his entire dream, his SUFFERING is beginning to seem all for nothing.

If the theory that Sonic collects the shards and boom worlds fixed is true, what did Nine suffer for? What did Nine fight for? What did Nine keep going for? All of that pain, that isolation, that psychological horror he experienced and will probably continue to experience, all of his efforts would be for nothing. His goals will never be fulfilled, Nine will never be able to truly win. He'll never be happy.

Either:

He'd just fade from existence and merely become another trait in someone he desperately wants the life of and refuses to be known as.

He'd get rejected by Sonic and would have to suffer this revelation. HARD.

He'd find some way to force Sonic to stay, but in a world where the hedgehog can never be truly happy in (Sonic values freedom above anything else, not to mention his considering of his friends as his home and his insatiable thirst for adventure). And given how Nine seems to want BOTH of them to be happy in the Grim (given his uses of 'we' and 'our'), it would still be for nothing, not to mention it most likely won't make Nine happy either from the sheer guilt or self hatred he'd be in.

He could prevent Sonic from getting sucked into any more shards or in the ShatteredSpace, but seeing how Shadow found a way to escape the void, it wouldn't last very long.

He could find a way to join Sonic in his world, but either reality would collapse and all of them will die or he'd have to live a life being seen as Tails's doppelganger and not a true person, not to mention to undeniable jealously and emotional torment he'd face seeing the fox's and hedgehogs unbreakable friendship.

He could betray Sonic and take over the multiverse, but he'd be hated even more than ever, seen as a monster, not to mention it would completely ignore and trample upon his goals of wanting to be happy. He'd still be fucking miserable.

He could join the Council, but same problem as the one above, only this time he's still trapped in New Yolk with a bunch of cruel dictators.

He could sacrifice himself, but he might never find peace in even that, knowing he's just a mere doppel in Sonic's eyes, knowing his efforts were futile, still rendering his actions to nothing.

No matter what you think of, Nine is still going to be miserable, dead, or reduced to a possible fate worse than death. Nine can't be happy. He can't ever win.

(Which makes my constant tag of #NineDeservesToWinNoMatterWhat pointless too, but I'm going to continue to stand by this. He deserves to win, he deserves happiness more than ANYONE.)

But it's truly depressing that Nine is a person that nobody, not even Sonic, can save. In fact, while Sonic can help and give Nine the unconditional love and support Nine definitely needs, hes inadvertently making Nine's mentality worse not just by abandonment, but by his views of Nine as a doppelganger of his best friend and not his own person, which would undoubtedly take a huge chunk of Nine's psyche, his inability to accept Nine (both as this being a part of Tails, and also due to Nine being a Tails in his eyes, again he still sees Tails), his rejection of Nine's Haven, and the WORST PART OF ALL: Giving a hope that Nine can never grasp.

Sonic gave him a hope of palm trees and beaches. A world of joy and love. A world with Chillidogs and the two of them together. Forever.

But Nine can't ever grasp it, he can only claw and scrape the edges of it, he can only stare at it and make useless prayers for it to come to life. For once, Sonic's hope, his kindness, his friendship, but these normally good things only made things even more painful, even more hopeless, to the person who needs it the most.

And that's fucking traumatizing to think about.

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proship-selfship · 2 years ago

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Hi, I came to this site around a year ago. At the time, I had no idea what the terms anti or proshipper meant, and just wanted to join in order to find content for fandom related stuff. Well, this is how I accidentally inadvertently fell into the anti pipeline, and I am going to call it a pipeline because I have fallen down both the far right pipeline on YouTube and the anti pipeline here on tumblr and I can tell you that they both utilize the exact same tactics to trick youth into thinking just like them.

I basically just followed whatever fandom blogs were recommended to me by the tumblr algorithm, I didn’t really know any better. They all had something like ‘proship DNI’ or ‘proshitters 🤮’ but I didn’t know what any of that meant so I followed anyway.

I eventually got ingrained with the sort of anti-community of this fandom, and it’s really scary shit the stuff they say and how they act. They made me feel like anyone who didn’t think like them was CRAZY, they were unfathomably EVIL and INHUMAN, they were the only safe ones in fandom to talk to, EVERYONE either is or should be EXACTLY like them. There was very much a sense of being watched and judged and I felt myself getting anxiety, obsessively combing through peoples blogs before reblogging from them because god forbid if you did reblog from someone ‘bad’ you’d get about ten dozen anons telling you to kill yourself for being a dirty hidden proshipper trying to infiltrate the antis and get completely ostracized and dropped by the ‘friend’ group. God forbid if you disagreed with any of the popular leaders, either. And it’s not like there were any hard-and-set rules, either. They were literally just using social Justice language as a blunt weapon to bludgeon anyone who didn’t hold their same views. Because one ship could get called pedophilia for being a 3 year age difference between a 20 and a 23 year old, and anyone who ships that is a weirdo or a groomer in disguise, but if it’s a ship THEY like, an age difference of 10 years between an 18 and 28 year old was just dandy.

People also used the anti term as a shield against criticism, and especially as a shield against suspicion. There are a ton of actual honest to fucking god groomers and pedophiles in anti circles who portray themselves as ‘good, trustworthy adults’ because of how they only consume good, morally pure content. I had one big-ish fandom anti slid into my fucking messages asking me for my real name, my age, and a selfie, so she could better ‘protect me’ and make sure I only talked about topics I ‘should’ talk about. Was weirdly fucking obsessed with knowing what my race was and would constantly post weird reblog baits and tag me in them like ‘what’s your eye color’ or ‘what’s your skin color’ since I refused to send her a selfie or tell her my race. And a lot of antis know about the presence of these fucking pedophiles in their midst but don’t report them or do anything about them because it would be ‘bad for their image’ and ‘the proshitters would have a field day’ or ‘I know they were creepy towards you but I know for a fact that they’re not a bad person because we’ve both harassed and suicide baited dozens of people with bad fiction opinions together and I know she only has good opinions on the media I consume soooo Idc if she was creepy towards you and the 6 thousand other minors in the fandom lol kill yourself you attention whore <3’ the last one may or may not be based on an actual conversation.

So tldr they very much made me feel like. They were the only ones with opinions that mattered, they were the only one who I could trust, they were the majority and everyone was just like them anyway and you’re crazy if you think anyone thinks differently from us because EVERYONE secretly thinks exactly like us and if you disagree with anything you must be one of those weird groomer pedophile freaks.

The reason I fell out of this anti pipeline? I was saved because of their own bigotry. I’m asexual, and one night, one of the big antis in fandom goes on a out-of-the-blue absolute tirade about how much they absolutely despise asexuals, how we are infiltrating the lgbt and trying to ban sex, how we are just straight people in disguise trying to make lgbt into puritans, how much she just wanted to bash our skulls in. I read all this, decide to respond to it in the morning, go to bed and find myself blocked by everyone for some bullshit about secretly being a pro shipper in disguise all along, despite having done nothing to warrant that response. I had blocked who they wanted, refused to talk to whoever they didn’t want me to talk to, etc. oh wait, could it be? That they just made some shit up because I had the fact that I was asexual in my bio and hid like the little cowards they are? I highly suspect it, and at the time it was crushing, but now I’m very thankful for it. Never thought I’d say this, but Thank god for aphobia 🙏

I have so much more to say about how they had probably the most conservative and bafflingly republican views I had ever witnessed since the 1950s. Like the racism was cartoonishly bad. The stereotypes about people of different sexualities. The blatant ignorance about other cultures. The misogyny, both towards fictional women and real-life women they hated. I have stories for days

...This was a wild ride from start to finish. I get told "antis aren't a cult wdym" and then I get anecdotes like this from people who've escaped those circles that just reinforce my point. This is so fucked up.

#ask #answered #anonymous #antis dni #antis are a cult #grooming tw #tw grooming mention #tw suicide baiting #tw suibait mention #tw aphobia #holy shit dude

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melohax · 4 years ago

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Why Basil isn’t “evil” or knowingly manipulative:

Warning: Major MAJOR Omori Spoilers Ahead

When people aren’t saying Sunny is a psychopath who deserves to be in jail, they’re saying Basil is an evil obsessive mastermind who tricked poor dissociating Sunny into defacing his sister’s corpse.

I’ve already explained before why I disagree with either interpretation but I haven’t gone in depth with Basil’s character. I’ll write about why I don’t think Basil is this dark yandere intentionally manipulating Sunny into dependance on him.

Basil is a tragic character with bad abandonment issues who legitimately wants to help the people he loves most. Unfortunately he also happens to have a broken “normalcy compass” (common in abused and/or neglected children). This means his well intentioned actions are often more harmful than helpful.

Aubrey says during a part of the real world segment that outside our main friend group, she’s always been an outcast. I think it’s no accident that we see in Sunny’s memories that she was the one who introduced Basil to the friend group, implying he’s also always been an outcast like her.

With Aubrey though, we can attribute her outcast status to things like living in the poorest neighborhood in Faraway town while also living in the visibly most worn-down house of said poor neighborhood.

Aubrey has a hoarding alcoholic mother that neglects her and a strict father (Aubrey casually mentions as a kid that her father is weirdly strict about her appearance) who ends up abandoning her anyway. Aubrey’s hot temper doesn’t help either and so even though she manages to be popular and well-loved among her hooligan friends, the rest of the town judges her harshly as if she’s at fault for her horrible life circumstances.

Then we have Basil. Basil’s economic circumstances are visibly better than Aubrey’s and he lives in a nice house surrounded by pretty flowers. Yet even with everything around him (even his appearance) looking so prim and cute, he’s still treated as an outcast.

We know that mentally ill children are way too often shunned by their peers and the adults surrounding them for being “weird” even though it’s not their fault that they have different brain chemistry. Without counting the bullying Aubrey carried out with her friends, Basil was already being ostracized by people outside the main friend group. In one of Sunny’s memories, Basil tells them that he’d always been alone before meeting them.

This lets us know that there’s always been “something” that’s made Basil unpopular with almost everyone. We see hints of why in the contrast between Dreamworld Basil and Real Basil. Whereas Dreamworld Basil is well-spoken, charismatic and cheerful, Real Basil is a nervous wreck that is prone to panic attacks and bouts of screaming. We could say he’s this way cus of what he did to Mari but from knowing Basil’s always been an unliked outcast, I get the feeling he’s not like this only from the Mari situation.

Then we have the probable root of his very obvious abandonment issues: Basil’s parents’ are completely absent save for some pictures in his home. Sunny himself has never seen Basil’s parents in person. Datamining apparently suggests his parents abandoned him when he was a toddler. To top it off, having a constantly ill and mostly unresponsive grandma as his only remaining family doesn’t help with his mental health issues at all, either. No wonder the kid’s clingy.

There’s also the caretaker at his house, who is introduced as Basil’s caretaker, not his sick grandmothers. Basil is at the age where he can legally emancipate himself yet we’re shown he still needs a caretaker to look after him. That Basil needs looking after kinda says to me that he has issues he can’t be left alone with.

So all these paragraphs were to explain the evidence that point to Basil likely being mentally ill since before Mari’s death. Now we get to the parts that make me think he’s been suffering from psychosis even as a kid.

12 year old Basil doesn’t seem capable of understanding the concept of Sunny being angry and accidentally shoving Mari down the stairs. He seems unable to consider the possibility that it was an argument between siblings just at the wrong place at the wrong time, as if that just can’t happen. To Basil, it HAS to be “Something” maliciously causing the incident and/or forcing Sunny to do it.

About the Mari incident and Basil’s fucked up idea: I think a lot of fans forget that first, not only was Basil a 12 year old kid back then (not even a teen yet) but also a lot of the reasoning behind many of Basil’s most important actions seems to be rooted in delusions he genuinely believes.

The same thing happens when the photo album was scribbled over: in his mind, there was no way any of his friends (*cough* Sunny) could have done this. It had to be the same “Something” attached both to him and Sunny that decided to ruin the photos. Basil doesn’t seem to remember doing anything to the album at all.

We could say all of this isn’t psychosis but metaphors for extreme denial instead, like the way Sunny decides things that remind him of The Truth don’t exist (like the closet door).

I don’t think this is all there is to it, tho.

Basil throughout the game tries to guide Sunny to the truth both in Headspace and that the time in his bathroom where he tries to talk to Sunny about the Something following them. Too afraid to hear him out, Sunny runs away instead while Basil screams for Sunny not to leave him again.

This shows imo that Basil’s brand of denial isn’t the same as Sunny’s. Sunny escapes into his own head and pretends everything involving the incident is either perpetually frozen in a time before anything bad happened or that it simply does not exist. He’s all about repression and suppression.

Basil on the other hand, acknowledges that the incident happened but he saw a Something committing the act instead of Sunny himself.

Then, the final battle against Basil confirms to me that Basil’s delusions and hallucinations go beyond denial of Sunny’s guilt.

Even when the truth is finally out in the open for the both of them, Basil still insists it’s “Something” that did everything. He attacks Sunny because he genuinely believes he is attacking Something evil and that this will protect Sunny from it. The most important detail to me: Basil slashes or gouges Sunny’s eye out specifically on the side where Somethings eye peeks out from Mari’s hair.

Saddest of all, we’re never shown if Basil ever managed to realize that there was never a monster doing everything. Although we are shown the burden of the secret is gone in that last scene between Sunny and Basil, we don’t know if Basil ever understood that Sunny wasn’t forced by any monster to kill Mari.

There’s more that can be said but this post already got long af lol. My conclusion is that Basil isn’t some evil yandere mastermind. He’s a sad wreck of a teenager who’s always struggled with mental illness, trying to do the best he can for those he loves while being plagued by nearly constant delusions and hallucinations.

Tricking his best friend/love interest isn’t part of Basil’s modus operandi when a lot of times he can barely tell what’s real and what isn’t.

#omori spoilers #omori #omori game #basil omori #omori basil #mari omori #omori mari #aubrey omori #omori aubrey #mental illness #cw mental illness

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aerequets · 4 years ago

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hello I am obsessed with you and your mind, and I must ask you for recommendations of miraculous comics/fanfics/artist/etc because I trust your opinions and I am in love with you okay thanks

the way this made me laugh SDKLHSLHFW if i was not on my computer right now i would spam with the sparkly eye emoji (pleading emoji? idk what its called but its like O_O but less. creepy. okay im done)

i made this mini rec list a short while ago for some of my favorite fics off the top of my head. i would dig through my bookmarks on ao3, except i made it really recently and i only have like 7. rip

as for fancomics:

@hamsternamedmarinette invented comedy. literally so funny like.... how does her brain work? if you want a good laugh (like a full on belly laugh, wheezing laugh, painful laugh) this is the blog. every comic is just whiplash in the best way

@anna-scribbles draws them so soft???? AGAIN if i could use emojis YOU KNOW THE EMOJI IM TALKING ABOUT.... LIKE THE o_o CUTE ONE? her art is the personification of that. and its also so funny and the punchline always hits just righttt

@zoe-oneesama i think pretty much everyone knows about her Scarlet Lady AU, but just in case you don’t, it’s a reimagining of the show where chloe steals the ladybug miraculous from marinette and becomes a superpowered pain in the butt. it’s,,, so well done and really funny and lots of things that bother me from the show bother the author too so she fixes them LMAO

@buggachat again, i think everyone knows about this blog but just. top tier comedy. such funniness. but also hella angst sometimes. they’ve got a baker enemies AU going on rn and its DELICIOUS. basically hawkmoth has been defeated, everyone knows it was gabriel agreste, and adrien (who was chat noir, but never revealed his identity to mari/LB) is suspected by everyone and ostracized :( this “everyone” is namely MARINETTE who thinks he’s after her bc he found out she’s the guardian and. it is a lot so i won’t try to explain it all but hopefully that gives you the gist of it LOL

@carpisuns was debating whether to put this blog under fancomics or fanart BECAUSE SHE DOES BOTH AND SHE DOES BOTH AT THE SAME TIME AND SHE DOES THEM SO WELL !!!! FULLY COLORED COMICS? SONG LYRIC COMICS?? AND THE FEELS.... the feels hit you hard here. but the fluffy feels too so dw

now FANART

@rosekasa CUTE. SO CUTE. LIKE U JUST WANNA KISS THE ARTS LIKE MWAH they’re so cUUUUTEEEEE her style is like a marshmallow, it’s so fluffy and sweet and. its just so cute oh my god i have no other vocabulary for it

@jjuuppiter artwork? ON POINT. aus? ON POINT. ANIMATIONS? SO ON POINT !!!!! THE ANIMATIONS BLOW ME AWAY you might have seen one where it was like an anime opening as miraculous? like i didnt know the anime but i cant tell you how many times i’ve rewatched that animation BECAUSE IT IS JUST SO COOL. i love it sm its crazy good

@lc-holy this is another one of the fancomic/fanart crosses because ALL HER COMICS ARE COLORED AND SO BEAUTIFUL... i put carpisuns in comics so im putting this blog under fanart, that is the only reason LOL but PLEASE CHECK THIS OUT the work she puts into the comics is amazing and you can just see it ....... so good. such good food

@picayunearts (for some reason tumblr wasnt linking this blog so i manually did it and hopefully i did not mess it up) literally jaw dropping. their use of colors and mood setting is GORGEOUS and as a chicken-scratch artist who never colors i am so envious LMAO. it’s just like... u can just stare it at for at least six minutes straight. at least i did

now for headcanons and stuff (there’s only 2 but i had to mention them)

@gale-gentlepenguin amazing AUs, amazing headcanons, you get the whole package, angst, comedy, fluff, NAME IT. (also amazing april fools jokes LOL)

@sariahsue lots of incorrect quotes!!! was lowkey stalking the blog to see if i could draw any LMAOOO (i think they write fics too, and im pretty sure i have read them before i had an ao3, but because im 99.9% sure and not 100% this is not under fics)

okay this got super long and i just KNOW im missing so many blogs. these are the ones i could think of off the top of my head while im in english class (oops). i will definitely add on more when i remember them, but theres just so much TALENT IN THIS FANDOM this post could be miles long and still not include everyone

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tobesolonely · 4 years ago

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aura (II)

A/n: hi everyone! thank you for reading aura and enjoying it enough to ask for a part 2! i hope this lives up to what you guys want! Thanks so much <3 p.s. i am so sorry but I lost track of who asked to be on the taglist :-( So if u would like, please send me an ask and i will definitely add you next time i post about them!

summary: witch!y/n can see auras and harry is no longer blue. he’s pink!

my ko-fi! thank you :)

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Harry always found Y/N to be a bit strange since his first encounter with her, but he never thought she was the type who could kill house plants with just the flick of her finger.

“What just happened?” Harry loudly questions, moving as far away from her as he could get. “How did you do that? What’s going on?” His aura is red and muddy gray. Anxiety, nervousness, and fear.

“How did I do what?” Y/N asks. She wasn’t willing to give herself up so easily.

“You killed my Pothos! I saw you,” Harry points at her accusingly. “Saw ya flick your finger and then it died. Do y’know how hard it is for that thing to die? I forget to water it all the time and it was still doin’ great!”

“Really? It didn’t look too great when I got here -”

“That’s not true,” Harry interrupts her. “You’re tryin’ to make me feel crazy! I know what I saw.”

It’s silent. Neither Y/N nor Harry says anything for what has to be at least half a minute. Y/N doesn’t know if she should tell the truth or try to convince Harry he didn’t see what he thought he saw, and Harry is too frightened to move. Finally, Y/N breaks the silence.

“Harry, it was your bad energy that killed your plant. I was just redirecting it because I didn’t wanna be stuck with it again.” Y/N nervously tugs on the hem of her shirt.

“What do you mean?” Harry inquires, moving slightly closer to her once more. He was still frightened, but quite curious about how Y/N would explain the situation at hand.

Y/N didn’t know what to say. If there was one thing she knew, it was that her… capabilities were not really supposed to be shared with anyone. Of course, they weren’t! It was a hard concept to understand. It was assumed that people who didn’t have this ability would ostracize those who did— potentially even hurt them.

She knew in her heart that Harry wasn’t the type to ever harm her, but her mother always told her she could never be too careful. Y/N lived by those words, always replaying them in her head whenever she wanted to open up to anyone about all that she could do. Harry looks at Y/N expectantly, waiting for her to speak. She seems far away, lost in some thought that Harry didn’t want to break her from.

“Ever since I was little, I’ve always been a really empathetic person,” she starts. “It seemed like I always knew the right things to say to help someone feel better, and I could always cheer them up. My saying this isn’t to brag at all, it was just how it was.” Harry smiles at this but doesn’t say anything, waiting for her to continue.

“I realized something was different about me when my friend came to school one day really sad because her fish had died that morning,” Y/N inhales softly. “Of course I felt for her, you know? Like I said, I was a very empathetic person. When I went in to give her a hug though, I felt so weird immediately after! She was fine, though. It was like she didn’t even care anymore.”

“She just wasn’t sad about it anymore?”

“She missed her fish still, of course. She was just able to reflect on how happy having a pet fish made her and all the good times she had with him. I felt terrible, though. I literally had taken on her pain just from hugging her.”

As Harry takes in what she’s saying, it all starts to make sense to him.

The second time he met her, she was so adamant about knowing what was wrong with him. Harry thought he only felt better because he had talked to her about it instead of holding it in as he usually did (and that could’ve been part of the reason!), but she had also touched him.

It had happened so quickly, Harry didn’t even think anything of it. And why would he? It was nothing more than a gentle touch, gone as quickly as it was there. Now that he knew what he did, it all made sense.

“Can I ask you something, Y/N?”

“You can ask me anything, Harry.”

“How do you always know when I’m not feelin’ well? Jus’ by looking at me?”

“Well,” Y/N starts, a bit hesitant. “I can see it. Your aura.”

“My aura?”

“Your spiritual energy— it has colors.”

“What color am I right now?”

“Red and gray. You’re scared and nervous.” Y/N responds quickly. She’s right.

“How can you see it?”

“I’m not sure. I started becoming able to see auras once I learned I was able to take away people’s emotional pain…” Y/N trails off. “I know it’s odd.”

“Can you… show me?”

“You want me to show you? Show you what?”

“The thing you jus’ did.”

“It only works when you have bad energy.”

Harry raises an eyebrow at Y/N in confusion. “Thought you said I was scared and nervous?”

“Well,” Y/N hesitates. “Now you’re… uh, pink.”

“Pink?”

“You’re feeling love.”

Harry feels his cheeks flush as he quickly looks away, hating in that moment that Y/N could literally see what he was feeling. If that was really the case, how much longer would he be able to fight with himself about how he felt about her if even she knew his true feelings?

He’s saved by the sound of his doorbell ringing, figuring it was his assistant dropping off lunch for him and Y/N. “Be right back.” He says quietly, getting up from the couch, still avoiding eye contact with Y/N.

Now it’s Y/N’s turn to be confused.

She was beginning to notice that Harry turned pink around her quite often— literally. Not only would his skin flush at her presence, but his aura would change too. Y/N decided to tell herself there was no way it could mean anything. Of course it meant nothing! She just met this man. His feelings (or lack of) for her meant nothing. Y/N was just glad Harry couldn’t read her aura in the same way she could read his.

If he could, he would see she was always pink, too.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Harry couldn’t stop thinking about Y/N.

She was magical. Literally.

After she had left that evening, Harry spent more time than he would like to admit researching auras and empathy. He learned there was a range of colors one's auras could be at any given time, and it was always subject to change. Harry figured that if he could see Y/N’s aura, it would always be shining gold.

Y/N didn’t explicitly tell Harry not to tell anyone about this, but he knew it was something he should keep to himself. He wanted her to trust him and know she was safe around him. Telling anyone what he assumed to be her biggest secret would do nothing but push her away from him— and that was the last thing Harry wanted.

He needed to hear her sweet voice again.

Harry didn’t want Y/N to think he was obsessed with her, but the cat was already out the bag. She could literally see that he had feelings for her. The way Harry saw things, this meant he could lean into his small crush on Y/N now rather than try and deny it. He just hoped she wouldn’t find him bothersome.

When she picks up his call after the third ring, Harry swears his heart just about beats out of his chest.

”Hi Harry. How are you?”

It takes him a moment to compose himself. “H- hi Y/N. Doin’ better, thanks for askin’... I was thinking of you.”

“Really?”

“Mhm,” Harry hums. “S’why I called. What are you up to today?”

“Nothing, really. Just at work.”

Oh. Work.

Y/N was so celestial, heavenly that Harry had forgotten she at her core a regular person who still had to work to pay their bills, just like everyone else. Just like him.

“I don’t mean to bother you while you’re busy. I’ll let you go.” Harry offers this as a courtesy, but he’s hoping Y/N will say he’s not a bother at all and she’s happy to talk to him.

“I think that would work out a bit better. I’ll talk to you as soon as I can. Bye, Harry!”

Harry is met with three short beeps that signify the call has ended.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Y/N couldn’t stop thinking about Harry.

He called her first! It made her heart flutter to know he was thinking of her. She’s glad he doesn’t know she was thinking about him as well.

It was nice to hear from him. Truth be told, Y/N was always worried about Harry. She worried that he wasn’t sleeping enough, eating enough, or telling people ‘yes’ when he should really be saying ‘no’. She worried he was unhappy. All she wanted was for him to be happy. Although Y/N couldn’t physically see him over the phone, she knew he was doing well today.

Y/N couldn’t say she wasn’t surprised to see Harry’s number flash across her phone. She thought that surely after telling him what she did he would want nothing to do with her. She was glad that he didn’t scare away easily, and that just made her feel even more warmth inside of her body. Y/N looked around the workroom filled with her other co-workers and she hoped there was no one else like her in the building lest they see how pink she was. She was absolutely smitten!

“Y/N, are you with us? What do you think?”

Y/N is broken out of her thoughts by her boss with the call of her name. In her Harry-haze she had completely zoned out, forgetting she was in the middle of an important work meeting.

“I’m very sorry. My mind was somewhere else for a moment,” she turns to face her boss, eyes wonder-filled. “Would you mind repeating the question?” Y/N sees her boss briefly turn from red to pink and back to yellow before he repeats himself, clearing his throat.

Y/N smirks to herself. Men were too easy.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

“What’s got you so smiley?”

Harry jumps slightly, redirecting his attention to his manager. “Whatdya mean?”

“Been smiling and strumming your guitar for ten minutes straight,” Jeff narrows his eyes at Harry. “Are you thinking of that girl again?”

“Y/N,” Harry corrects him immediately. “What are you gonna do if I am?”

“Tell you to snap out of it, man. She’s got you this distracted already and she doesn’t even know you have a crush on her?”

Harry wants to tell him that she does even though he’s not explicitly stated it, but then that would lead to a conversation that wasn’t his to have. So he changes the subject—slightly.

“What do think about me inviting Y/N to the studio? You’ll finally be able to put a face to the name,” Harry adds once he sees the look his manager gives him every time he’s about to tell him no. “I trust her. I jus’ want her opinion on a few things. I know she won’t leak anything.”

“I’m not sure if that’s your greatest idea…” Jeff trails off giving Harry one of his infamous looks of doubt.

“I wouldn’t even be suggesting this if I didn’t trust her with everything in me. ‘Ve never suggested this any other time, have I?”

Jeff gives Harry a pointed look, although he can’t argue with that.

“Fine, invite her. She’s signing papers though…”

Jeff’s voice is nothing more than background noise as he dials Y/N’s number, which he embarrassingly already knows by heart.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

When Harry comes out of the large, wooden double-doors to meet Y/N, he’s glowing. He’s a flash of dazzling gold and pink, his aura not being able to just land on one. Y/N is flattered that he still turns pink when he sees her, and relieved to see him so happy. So relaxed.

“So glad you could make it,” Harry tells Y/N, pulling her in for a tight hug. “My manager had a fit when I told him you were comin’, he’s jus’ very protective of me and my music. Don’t take it personally.”

“I understand,” Y/N tells him honestly. “I don’t blame your manager for not being too keen on me crashing in on one of your sessions. I could leave my phone in the car if that would make you both feel better?”

Y/N made things so easy. She was perfect in Harry’s eyes.

“I trust you completely. It might make my manager feel a bit better though…” Harry trails off, feeling sheepish. Y/N nods and unlocks her car without saying anything, retrieving her phone from her purse and hiding it away in her glove compartment.

“There. Just me and my ears now.” She lets out the sweetest giggle Harry’s ever heard, and he swears he could melt.

“Follow me, then.”

Harry makes his way back inside the studio but feels weird with Y/N trailing so closely behind him, not speaking or physically touching him. He stops and turns to face her, reluctantly reaching his hand out for her to grab. She looks at him for a moment, analyzing his energy before shakily intertwining her finger with his. Harry glows pink—so much so that he was nearly shining red. Y/N was having a difficult time differentiating between the glow of his aura and the glow of his cheeks.

He continues walking down the hall, now feeling like he was on top of the world because he had the most beautiful girl in the universe’s hand in his. Harry was ready to get to work. She was his new biggest inspiration.

Y/N’s having the greatest time watching Harry’s colors. He’s so happy and full of love! The fact that Harry was in such good spirits possibly because of Y/N made her feel like she was floating on a cloud.

Harry feels Y/N’s hesitation to enter the room that now holds not only Jeff but Mitch as well. She pulls back slightly on his hand, hiding timidly behind his broad shoulders. “What’s wrong?” He asks quietly, turning to face her.

“I don’t think they’re happy to see me…” Y/N trails off.

“How do you know?” Harry asks habitually before he realizes who he’s talking to. He knows how she knows. He internally cringes at his question.

“They’re both red,” she shifts from foot to foot. “I can leave. I don’t want to cause any problems—”

“No!” Harry says a bit too loudly. Jeff and Mitch turn to look in their direction, finally aware of their presence. Harry blushes, speaking a bit more quietly. “Sorry. Jus’... don’t leave. I promise they’re not mad that you’re here. They’re just a bit nervous because you’re new and they’ve never met you before. I’ll tell ‘em you left your phone in the car though and it’ll all be good. Yeah?”

Y/N nods, not completely certain Harry could get these men to warm up to her just because he said so. He tilts her chin up so she’s looking in his eyes, and he gives her a warm smile.

“Hey… what color am I?”

Y/N swallows thickly before answering. “You’re yellow… and pink.”

“See? ‘M not red. It’s all good, darling. Believe me when I say that.”

Y/N’s heart beats faster at the pet name and she just hopes Harry can’t hear it. She gives him a forced smile before grabbing his hand again and following him inside of the small room.

“Jeff, Mitch,” Harry starts, swinging Y/N’s hand in his. “This is Y/N.”

“It’s so nice to finally meet you,” Jeff says. Harry shoots him a look, silently pleading him to not say anything that’ll embarrass him. Luckily for Harry, Jeff catches onto this and keeps his introduction simple. “I’m Jeff, Harry’s manager.”

“Hi,” Y/N responds. Harry’s heart-strings feel like they’re being tugged at when he hears how quiet Y/N has become. “I left my phone in the car.” Jeff shoots Harry a surprised looked to which Harry gives a small nod in confirmation. Jeff hums, satisfied.

“We’re glad you could join us. I’m not sure if you have any experience in music, but it’ll be nice to get a fresh opinion on some things.”

Mitch gives Y/N a small nod and a smile, and Harry feels her grip on his hand tighten. “Don’t worry. Mitch is just shy.” Harry quietly reassures her. She loosens her grip on his hand slightly, feeling a bit more at ease.

“Where should I sit?”

“Y’can sit on that couch over there. Can I get you anything to drink? Have you ate, I can order food if you haven’t?”

Harry and Y/N are in their own world, only focused on each other. This doesn’t go unnoticed to Jeff or Mitch, and they share knowing looks behind the pair’s backs.

“What do you guys want to eat? Y/N hasn’t eaten yet,” Harry says, already searching for his text thread with his assistant. “Sushi? Mexican?”

“Whatever Y/N wants,” Mitch says, strumming a few random chords on his guitar. “Anything’s fine with me.”

Harry’s satisfied with this answer, just wanting to give all his attention back to Y/N. “Whatdya want to eat, love?”

“Do you all like veggie pizza?”

“Eh–”

Harry shoots Jeff a look that tells him not to disagree with her, so Jeff looks down and acts preoccupied with his phone. “That sounds really good, Y/N. I’ll order that.”

Harry actually hated veggie pizza. He hoped Y/N couldn’t tell.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

”I just miss your accent and your friends…”

Harry was blue and Y/N hated it.

She knew he was pulling from old memories for his songs, but she hated when he was upset. Y/N was in a trance, though. Harry’s voice was beautiful. His songs pulled her in like magic. They were captivating, and so, so beautiful.

Y/N was enjoying being in the recording studio. She never had any experience like it, and it was interesting to see all the hard work that went into making just one song.

”Don’t you call him “baby”, we’re not talking lately,” Harry sings into his microphone sadly, licking his lips during the pause. “Don’t you call him what you used to call me…”

Y/N just wanted to go into the recording booth and hug Harry, take his pain away. She knew now wasn’t the time nor place for that, though. She’d check on him later.

“That’s good,” Jeff says, giving Harry a thumbs up. Harry gives him one back and takes his clunky earphones off, setting them beside his feet.

“How was that?” Harry asks Y/N as soon as he’s out of the recording booth. The musician in him knew it wasn’t bad, but he still wanted her praise.

“Very beautiful! Are you okay?” She gives Harry one of those knowing looks he’s growing to love. He shrugs, leaning down to speak quietly to her.

“Singin’ about someone who used to be very special to me,” he says, glancing down at his Vans-clad feet. “I’m okay, though. Don’t worry about me.”

Y/N wanted to tell Harry she always worried about him. She wanted to scream it in his face so he understood how much she cared for his well-being. She does neither of the two. “Okay, Harry. I’m just checking.”

Harry loved that she was “just checking”. He wanted to tell Y/N that he never wanted her to stop caring for him, as he would never stop caring for her. He does neither of the two. “Thank you for checking, Y/N.”

Unbeknownst to them, they were both falling deeper for each other.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

“Y/N, are we gonna watch our movie tonight, or are you busy?” Y/N’s roommate, Amalia, peaks her head into her bedroom. Y/N was busy hanging upside down on her bed. Texting Harry.

“What? Oh, is it Friday? Let me just take off my makeup... “ Y/N locks her phone and slowly sits up, taking care not to smush her sleeping kitty who was currently snoring beside her.

“Who were you texting? You’ve been on your phone a lot more than usual lately,” Amalia notes, coming completely into Y/N’s room. “A boy?”

Y/N feels her body heat up at her roommate’s observation. “Maybe…”

“Y/N! You’ve gotta tell me! Who is he, is he cute?” Her roommate makes herself comfortable on Y/N’s bed, folding her legs beneath her. Sapphire startles slightly but quickly falls back asleep, curling her tail closer to her.

“You might know him,” Y/N begins. She and Harry never had a conversation about telling others about their association with others. She trusted her roommate, but she wasn’t sure if he would appreciate it. She decides she’ll just call him. “I’ll actually just call him. Hopefully, he’s not busy.”

Amalia finds it odd that Y/N would rather call this man than just tell her about him, but she says nothing, of course. She was used to her roommate’s behavior. She was different, and that’s why she loved her so much!

“Can you FaceTime him? I wanna see what he looks like,” Amalia claps her hands together out of excitement, feeling anticipation bubble in her stomach. She was hoping her roommate finally found someone for her so they could join her and her boyfriend on double dates and couples game nights.

“FaceTime him?” Y/N had never done that before. She and Harry always just spoke on the phone, and lately, they had gotten into texting. She hoped he wouldn’t mind. “Yeah, I can do that.”

Y/N pulls up the app on her phone and types in Harry’s contact name (which was ‘Harry’ with three pink hearts, which she would never tell him!) and bites her lip as she waits for him to answer. As an afterthought, she reaches for her earphones and connects them to her phone just in case her roommate recognizes his voice. After all, everyone on the planet knew who Harry was except for Y/N. He answers almost immediately, a dimpled smile on his face and a beautiful pink light surrounding him.

“Was jus’ thinking of you. Are we in sync? I swear I was about to call you,” Harry tells her, not being able to stop his toothy grin. “Is everything okay?”

“Well,” Y/N feels nervous. His gaze is still as intense and attentive, even though a phone screen. “I’m just hanging out with my roommate and she noticed I’ve been smiling at my phone a lot—”

“A very observant roommate.”

“Yeah, and she wanted to know if I was texting a boy. I didn’t know if it was okay to say anything but she’s beside me so do you want to say hi? It’s okay if you don’t want to, and I’m sorry if you’re busy right now…”

Harry’s gaze visibly softens. “Why wouldn’t it be okay?”

“You know why.”

Harry hums. “I’d love to meet your roommate. Go ahead and give her the phone.”

Y/N examines Harry for a moment, trying to determine if he’s telling the truth. His aura is slightly tinged red but it’s mainly yellow, making him glow the color of a sunset. He was probably a bit anxious, but he was happy. That was most important to Y/N. Amalia is sitting at the end of Y/N’s bed quietly, scratching Sapphire’s head while she waits. She watches as Y/N unplugs her earphones from her phone and wordlessly hands it to her.

Amalia’s mouth drops.

“Hi, it’s very nice to meet you. I’m Harry.”

Amalia’s entire body feels tingly.

“H- hi. Uh, I’m Amalia. Y/N’s roommate,” she looks up at Y/N, eyes wide. “It’s… wow. I’m sorry, I kinda don’t know what to say right now. I’m such a big fan of yours!”

Y/N hears Harry’s beautiful laugh and she smiles. It was his shy laugh. He was flattered. Maybe a bit flustered.

“That’s very, very nice of you. Thank you for the support.”

“Are you and Y/N dating? I can’t believe she didn’t tell me!” Amalia gives Y/N an accusatory scowl and she feels her body heat up at her roommate’s words.

“Not at the moment, but I’m working on it,” Harry tells her. Y/N doesn’t need to see him to know he’s pink. “I think she was jus’ tryin’ to protect my privacy. Which I appreciate, of course. But a friend of Y/N is a friend of mine! She has good judgment.”

Y/N can’t believe Harry’s “working on it”. He cares for her much more than she had initially thought, and Y/N just hopes he knows how much she cares for him as well. Even if she doesn’t say it.

“I’m gonna give the phone back to Y/N before I say something to embarrass myself, but it was really nice to meet you!” Amalia shakily hands the phone back to Y/N as Harry is telling her it was nice to meet her too.

Y/N is happy to see his face again. He immediately turns pink once he sees her again, a light blush tinging his cheeks. “She’s very nice. We should all go out to brunch one afternoon, how’s that sound?” Y/N nods, glancing at her roommate who currently looked like she was on the verge of fainting, bright pink just as Harry was. She was infatuated.

“Amalia’s amazing,” Y/N replies. “I was just calling to say hi, but I’m glad to see you’re doing good. I’ll talk to you later?” A deep indigo color slowly surrounds Harry at the prospect of Y/N ending the call, making Y/N frown. “I’ll see you tomorrow? Friday’s are our movie nights…”

“Oh!” Harry turns yellow again. “I didn’t mean to keep you from that. I’d like that, though. Lunch tomorrow?”

“And the studio?” Y/N asks, used to their routine. Harry shakes his head.

“Was thinking we do something else. Get out of there for the afternoon? ‘M sure you get bored jus’ watchin’ me sing all day. The last thing I want is for you to be bored.”

Y/N nearly laughed out loud. She was never bored when she was with Harry. She could simply sit and watch the grass grow with him, and she’d still be thoroughly entertained.

“I don’t want you to fall behind because of me.”

“S’my album. I can take a day off, darling. Hey–– can ya look at me?” Y/N knows Harry is asking her to examine what color he is. She nods after a moment.

“Okay, Harry. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow,” she takes a thoughtful pause as she usually does. “Have a good night.”

“I’ll be counting down the minutes. You too, Y/N.” The call disconnects. Y/N feels her heart about to beat out of her chest. Counting down the minutes.

She was counting down the minutes, too.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Harry was nervous to see Y/N. He hadn’t been alone with her since the day at his house when she came over to keep him company while he was sick. Their relationship was progressing quicker than anticipated, but neither of the two had any complaints.

Per Harry’s request (or, after a ton of his begging) Y/N agreed to let Harry pick her up instead of driving separately and meeting up like they usually do. He was excited to finally know where Y/N lived. When he thought of any space Y/N cultivated, he imagined it to be a bit cluttered. Lots of paintings on the walls. Perhaps some personal photographs of friends and family.

When Harry approaches Y/N’s apartment complex, he isn’t surprised to see that she lives in one of the oldest-looking buildings he’s ever seen. He was sure that when he asked her about it later, she would tell him that old buildings had the most character or something along those lines. Harry parks in record time, albeit like a bit of an asshole, and grabs the bouquet of flowers he picked up on his way to her before hurrying out of his car. His sunglasses immediately go on and his beanie gets pulled low over his forehead in the off chance there was someone who could recognize him anywhere nearby.

“Four, eight, two, five,” Harry mutters Y/N’s gate code under his breath as he approaches it. “Four, eight, two, five…” He’s delighted when it works. Against Y/N’s wishes, he didn’t write it down when she told him, adamant about having the best memory in the world. He was glad he didn’t forget it and have to call her and ask for it again.

Harry has no difficulty at all finding her apartment. Just as she said, there were several potted plants surrounding the door and a plaque that read, ‘Welcome to our home!’. He smiled to himself. It was just so Y/N. He firmly knocks and takes a step back, tightly gripping the bouquet in his hands. The door flies open moments later and Harry is met with Y/N’s beautiful face. His nerves immediately dissipate.

“Hi, Harry–– oh! Those are beautiful!” She opens the door a bit wider. “Please, come in!”

Harry’s happy. She seems happy. Of course, he couldn’t know for sure in the way that he could, but Harry was quickly learning her mannerisms.

“Hi, darlin’. S’nice to see you,” he leans down to place a delicate kiss on her cheek. “You’re lookin’ as beautiful as ever.”

“I haven’t even gotten changed yet,” she replies dismissively, shutting the door. “I completely lost track of time. I was helping Amalia get ready for a date that she’s going on and it made me forget all about ours.”

Harry could die a happy man right now. Y/N just referred to their spending time together as a date!

“No apologizing,” Harry says sternly, handing the flowers to Y/N. “‘M not upset about it, am I? We’ve got all the time in the world.”

Y/N looks down shyly at the shabby rug beneath her feet. “Do you wanna help me pick out an outfit? I’m not too sure about what I should wear… I really think it would help if you actually told me where we were going.”

“Nice try,” Harry chuckles, following her through the apartment. It looked just as he pictured it would. “Already told you it’s a surprise.”

“I thought I would try again.”

Y/N’s room was incredible. There were plants everywhere even more than the ones surrounding her front door. Some were even hanging from the ceiling! Her walls were a pale yellow color. She had glow-in-the-dark stars and planets stuck to her ceiling, a ginormous rug that covered probably half of her wooden floor, and paintings taped haphazardly to the wall. It looked like she made them herself, too. They were lovely.

“Your room is amazing,” Harry tells her, flopping onto her bed while she digs around in her closet. Even though he had never been there before, he immediately feels comfortable. At home. “Where’s Sapphire?”

“Oh, she’s around here somewhere,” Y/N’s voice sounds a bit muffled from being in her closet. “She might be hiding. She doesn’t like men.”

“Did you tell her that I’m nice?”

Y/N turns to look at him, two shirts in her hand. “I can’t force her to like you, Harry. What do you think about these shirts?”

“I think you would look good in all of them,” Harry feels his heart rate pick up under her gaze. “You may get cold if you wear something sleeveless, though.”

Y/N says nothing in response, just stares at him. To anyone else, her staring may be weird, but Harry knew what she was doing. He stares back at her just as intensely, raising an eyebrow. Finally, she nods, turning her attention back to her closet.

“Should I wear something with long sleeves?”

Harry hums in response to her question. “I think that would be a good idea.”

Y/N turns to face him again, tugging at her oversized sleep shirt. “Do you think you can take down some shirts on the shelf for me? I don’t feel like going to get a chair all the way from the kitchen…”

“Of course I can,” Harry immediately gets up from his lying position on Y/N’s bed. “Which ones?”

“The ones in that corner,” Y/N replies, standing beside Harry. He never noticed how much shorter she was than him until she was asking him to reach things off the top-shelf for her. Harry loved it.

He reaches up with ease, grabbing a stack of neatly folded long-sleeves. In the process of pulling them down, a box comes falling off the shelf, hitting the floor with a loud clang! and the sound of broken glass. “Shit,” Harry mutters, bending down to reach for the box. “Sorry about tha’, pet–”

“Don’t touch that!” Y/N exclaims, pushing past Harry to grab the box before he does. Harry backs up, putting his hands up in the air like he was a criminal who’d just been caught.

“I didn’t touch it, I promise,” Harry quickly reassures her. “Why can’t I touch it? What is that?”

“Remember how I was telling you about bad energy?” Her voice drops to a whisper. Harry nods. “This is where I store everyone's bad energy whenever I get stuck with it. They’re in little viles, you know what I mean? Those little tubes?”

“Yeah.”

“I think the tubes broke when it fell… I can never open this box again because then the bad energy will get out and go back to their owner's body.”

Harry doesn’t say anything, trying to take in what Y/N just told him. It wasn’t the oddest thing he’s heard since he met her. “Is any of my bad energy in there?”

“Yes. Remember when we were at the Greek food place?”

Harry smiles at the memory. “How could I forget? I think that was the day that I knew I had to get to know ya. I was properly obsessed with the idea of runnin’ into you again for days.” Y/N looks away as she usually does when he gets her flustered but this time Harry moves closer to her, snaking his arms around her waist.

“Thank you for always makin’ sure ‘m happy, love,” Harry’s lips are dangerously close to hers, so close that she can smell the scent of mint on his breath. “You don’t even have to touch me to make me happy. Jus’ bein’ near you is enough.” Y/N lets out a shaky breath, not trusting her voice enough to do anything other than nod. Both of their hearts are about to beat out of their chests.

“I’d do anything to make you happy, Harry,” Y/N finally says, staring directly into his eyes. “You deserve all the happiness this life has to offer you.”

“Likewise,” Harry says, feeling intoxicated from standing so close to her. “Y/N, can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Can I kiss you?”

Y/N gives Harry the biggest smile before standing on her tiptoes, smushing her lips against Harry’s. His eyes shut as he melts into the kiss, having to remind himself to stop smiling so he can properly kiss her back. Her lips are soft, and she tastes just as sweet as she actually is. His entire body tingles and his chest burns due to lack of oxygen, but he was determined not to break the kiss first. His stomach twisted from all the butterflies he had, but it was a feeling no one had made him feel in a long, long time.

Y/N’s the first one to break the kiss. She giggles as she rests her head against Harry’s chest, gasping slightly for air. “You’re a very good kisser.”

“You too.” Harry’s breathless. He doesn’t want to pull away from her so he settles on intaking short bursts of air.

“I’m gonna get changed before I decide to stand here and just kiss you all day,” Y/N tells him, finally breaking their contact. “Can you wait in the living room?”

“I wouldn’t hate that,” Harry says as he places a quick peck on her lips. “‘M gonna go put your flowers in something so they don’t die. Y’think Sapphire will come out of hiding and let me pet her since her mommy finally let me kiss her?”

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

“I thought we were getting lunch?”

Y/N had been sat in Harry’s passenger seat for slightly over an hour now, his hand hardly leaving hers the entire time. He was yellow for the most part (except when Y/N would speak he turned pink). Song after song played lowly over the stereo, but it was mainly just background noise–– neither one of them was really listening to it.

“We are.”

“Why are we driving so far?”

“I wanna take you to a really nice spot. Is that okay?”

“Are we almost there?” She stares intensely at Harry and she knows he can feel her eyes on him. He flashes red for a moment causing Y/N to cock her head in confusion. “Why are you nervous?”

“I don’t want you to think our date is boring.”

“Why would I think it’s boring?”

“Have you ever been to Balboa Park? San Diego?” Harry tears his eyes from the road briefly to look at her and he’s relieved to see a look of excitement in her eyes.

“I’ve never been but from the pictures I’ve seen it looks sooo beautiful! Are we going there?” Her grip on his hand tightens slightly.

“Mhm,” Y/N sees Harry visibly relax. “Figure we could grab a bite after? Or before, depending on how hungry you are.”

“We should eat before! Are we allowed to eat in the park? We should have a picnic–– can we do that?” Y/N is talking a mile a minute, too excited to slow down. She turns in the passenger seat to face Harry fully, hand still in his. “We’re going to the gardens, right?”

“We’re doin’ whatever you want, love. I have some things planned that I think you would like but nothing’s set in stone.”

Y/N loves the fact that Harry took it upon himself to plan out their day. She decides she would go along with whatever he had planned, seeing as he’s been there before and she hasn’t.

They arrive at the park approximately thirty minutes later and Y/N quickly unbuckles her seatbelt and lets herself out of the car before Harry can open the door for her himself. He laughs to himself at her excitement.

“Where are we going first?” Y/N reaches for Harry’s hand seemingly out of habit, not thinking twice before doing so. If she wasn’t busy looking around in awe, she’d see Harry looking down at their interlocked fingers with a big smile on his face.

“How ‘bout we get you something to eat first then go find a spot to have a lil’ picnic? The last time I was here I remember seein’ people eating under this ginormous tree–”

“Okay!” Y/N agrees cheerily, dragging Harry through the parking lot. She was leading the way even though she had no clue where she was going. “Wait, where are we going?”

“How about I lead the way?” Harry is a mixture of green and yellow. He was happy and enjoying the prospect of a nature-filled day.

“Harry, what’s your favorite part about nature?”

“What’s tha’?”

“I see that you like nature, so I just wanted to know what you liked the most about it,” Y/N replies, swinging their hands.

“It’s calming. I think ‘ve written some of my best songs surrounded by trees and water and things like that. What do you like the most about nature?”

“It’s beautiful. Plants help us and we help them.”

Harry smiles in response to her answer but says nothing, walking her the rest of the way through the parking lot and to the entrance of the park. Once inside they set out on finding something to quickly fill their stomachs with, not wanting to waste too much time eating.

“How do sandwiches sound?” Harry asks, nodding his head in the direction of a sandwich shop. “Quick and easy, isn’t it?”

“Can we still eat them under the fig tree?”

“Whatever you’d like, darling. S’your world, ‘m just livin’ in it.”

Even though he lets out a chuckle after saying that, Y/N knew he was being completely serious.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Harry could listen to Y/N talk all day. He never wanted to stop hearing her sweet voice. Y/N’s attention was fixated on the beautiful, blooming gardens–– but Harry was only fixated on her.

She pointed out nearly everything they saw, impressing Harry with her knowledge on plant names and pointless information on how to care for them. She asked Harry to stand in front of all her favorite plants so she could take a picture of him to “commemorate the day” and Harry was more than willing to do so. Anything to keep a smile on her face. Y/N had grown tired of carrying her purse over her shoulder about an hour back and Harry even offered to wear it for her so she wouldn’t have a sore shoulder the next morning.

They decided to call it quits once the sun started setting, walking hand in hand quietly back to Harry’s car. He opens the door for her and checks to make sure she’s all the way in before slamming it shut and walking around to his side. He immediately reaches for her hand again, loving the way it felt in his way too much to not hold it at all times.

“Did you have a good time today?” Harry asks, looking at Y/N’s face in the dim light. She nods sheepishly, looking down at the hands.

“I had an amazing time. I can’t believe you drove all the way out here just for me,” she traces her fingers over one of Harry’s rings. “Thank you for today.”

“How many times have I gotta tell ya I’d do anything for you?” Harry questions, leaning over the center console to be closer to her. “Loved seein’ that beautiful smile on your face today. Made me happy.”

“You’re just saying that…”

“Oh, come off it,” Harry jokes, kissing her cheek before leaning back over to start his car. “Know you saw how happy I was the whole day. S’all because of you.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Harry sees Y/N lean over as he previously was so her face is close to his. She gently places the hand that was holding Harry’s on his face and turns his head so he’s fully facing her, licking her lips before she connects them with his. Harry melts into the kiss as he did earlier, feeling as if time stopped when their lips were pressed together. It was the most gentle, loving kiss Harry ever shared with another person.

He could get used to this.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

please let me know what you thought!

#harry styles #harry styles x reader #harry styles one shot #harry styles smut #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fluff #harry styles x y/n #harry styles imagine #harry styles blurb #aura #thanks for reading!

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anachronisticcrab · 4 years ago

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Hades/Pluto Demigods Headcanons

In honour of Nico’s birthday, I thought I would make a post about Hades and Pluto power hc’s

They tend towards extremes— with extremely loyal or they’ll betray everyone around them, they’re either the weakest or the strongest in the room, etc.

They always seem to have luck with finding money. Like, if you walk down the street with them, they will end up finding over 100 dollars on a good day. No matter what, they tend towards gathering money

All of them have one animal that they really love and have a strong connection to (for Hazel this is horses, for Nico it’s cats), and they can’t really stand other kinds of animals, other than Hades/Pluto’s sacred animals

They all have an affinity for linguistics— most languages come very easy to Hades/Pluto’s kids, but not all of them discover this or really care for linguistics

They hate wearing shoes just as much as Poseidon/Neptune kids— they can feel the earth, tectonic plates, gems, and bones underneath them and feel more connected to the world around them. The world feels more muffled without shoes on

Some of them are able to see ghosts and spirits in the mortal world (they’re seances)

They all like flowers and plants, even though a lot of them end up killing them subconsciously

They can push an aura of calm into grieving people or people when they’re panicking

They are often born into royalty or families of high stature

Shockingly enough, nine out of ten Hades/Pluto kids are nomads. It’s not just a Nico thing. Since they all feel kind of ostracized in both the demigod and mortal circles, they’ll travel around and speak to gods of different pantheons and stuff

Hades makes the palace accessible to all of them if he can, so they can come if they have any issues or need help. Usually his kids only come in emergencies, but then there are the Nico’s who show up to remind him to pay his fucking child support

They aren’t actually supposed to shadow travel. Hades can hardly do it, and he has his Helm of Darkness to help absorb the shadows out of him. They are able to do it, but they shouldn’t unless it’s an emergency since it causes them to fall apart at the molecular level

They tend to know more than people think they do, for the main reason that they talk to people on the outskirts and to different pantheons and shit. They do their research, they just don’t share it unless they have to

They all have a pretty good relationship with Zagreus. Everyone loves the guy, he loves them and helps them out, he’s a great big brother and doesn’t get enough love

The other Underworld Deities help them out when they have to, but aren’t super friendly to them (the really minor ones, that is). Hypnos, Mnemosyne, Thanatos, and Hecate fucking love those kids. It’s mostly just Melinoe and Macaria that don’t love Hades/Pluto’s other kids. Melinoe is the only one that actively fucks with them, tho

For some reason they’ve all met Satan at some point. He’s actually a pretty cool guy to hang with. He hates Nazis and fascists. He’s the ultimate Punk Rocker

Some of them have been blessed individually by Deities other than Hades. Some get blessed by Hecate (like Hazel), others by Hypnos (like Nico), all of them by Thanatos (he fucking loves those death kids, they’re his favourite people)

All of their families have been favourites of (or blessed by) some of the gods. The Levesque’s were blessed by Hecate and Oya (the Yoruba goddess of storms and lightning— she was an unbeatable warrior). The di Angelo’s we’re blessed by Acadia (Italian goddess of witchcraft), Dionysus (why do you think he liked Nico so much?), and Nyx

They all have some kind of talent in art. Bianca was an amazing photographer, Hazel is an amazing painter, and Nico is an amazing musician

They’re all fans of fancy things. Most people do like fancy things, but Hades/Pluto kids are obsessed with their shit looking fancy. Not so much their clothes, but their homes are decorated with all this fancy looking stuff (some of it was gifts from their father, some bought with money they found, some of it is dollar store stuff they found that looked fancy as fuck so they got it). Don’t get me wrong, they’re all always prepared to leave in the middle of the night, and they would be fine with having nothing more than the clothes on their back. They would still be fine. But you bet your ass that they like having fancy and shiny stuff when they get the chance

Yeah, so those are my Hades/Pluto Demigod Headcanons! I hope you liked this, and if you did, please check out my other demigod Headcanons!

#nico di angelo #hazel levesque #bianca di angelo #maria di angelo #marie levesque #hades pjo #pluto pjo #pjo #hoo #og post #underworld kids

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hellboundwitch · 4 years ago

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I think it's time for me to talk about Felix S. Warren

aka @da-at-ass, @badoccultadvice, @merkvahpartyvan, @felixswarren, among many other names.

A warning: this is going to be long, because A) everything I write is long, I’m really sorry about myself and 2) I knew him for years and a lot happened during that time. That being said, I'm also not going to cover every single wrong Felix ever did to me and mine, so while this is long, it's also not even close to comprehensive.

In all honesty, I should have said something sooner. Over the past year, I have kept my mouth shut because I was worried that issues about anything I said might be channeled back at my friend Rune, who was already going through enough.

However, my issues with Felix predate his relationship with Rune, much less their breakup. The truth is, I stayed quiet because I’ve been afraid of Felix for years, and when you’re that afraid of someone, your instinct isn’t to post about them all over social media, your instinct is to try and stay under their radar and avoid them at all costs.

Even now, I’m afraid. But at this point I’ve left tumblr, I feel cut off from all of our mutual friends and I know Felix’s behavior well enough to know that he will never stop obsessing over Rune, just like he never stopped obsessing over all of the other villains he’s manufactured in his mind, so I guess I really have nothing to lose by talking about what I personally went through with him and what I've seen him do to others.

If it were just his libelous statements about Rune, that would be bad enough, but it's part of a larger pattern of behavior that I think people need to be warned about before they become his next target.

When Felix and I became friends, I don't think it took very long to notice a few things.

Firstly: EVERYONE he didn't like was a narcissist. He could be very good friends with people for years but then one day when they did something he didn't like? 🎶 It was narcissists all along! 🎶 What are the odds that EVERYONE you meet and don't like is a narcissist? Not that high!

And his predisposition to diagnose everyone he dislikes with a personality disorder is problematic given that SECONDLY: Felix turns against every single person he's friends with at some point.

It was like watching a timer run down every time he interacted with someone. It didn't matter if he knew them in real life, or if he just interacted with them via Skype. Eventually, the effusive praise would give way to constant criticisms, often behind the person's back. With Felix, you could believe you were good friends up until the point where he didn't have any use for you anymore except to play the villain in his latest story. He always has to have a villain, and unfortunately the closer you get to him, the more likely it is that it's going to be you.

And at first, it didn't seem weird. The people he didn't like were I people I didn't like, so if he had something to say, maybe I did too! I did think it was kind of weird that often these were people that he seemed very friendly with in public, but like, sometimes your friends annoy you, or you don't see the need to be cruel or hostile to someone just because you may have some other issues with them. I get that.

Then the people he started talking about started becoming our mutual friends. One by one he moved through our whole friend group, ostracizing each member, and trying to plant seeds in our minds about all of the terrible things those people did to us. And at first? I agreed. Yeah, they WERE annoying. Yeah maybe they did say that stuff or do that thing.

But it didn't stop after the first person. And the reasons seemed to get thinner and thinner until it seemed like he'd just wake up that day and decide that someone was out for no reason at all. Honestly? It was terrifying.

There are so many details about this time and his behavior that I’ve tried to write out here, but just remembering all of it is so triggering that I can’t really even bring myself to talk about them now.

Some of my friends at the time can tell you how often I cried on the phone to them, how worried I was that I would be next.

There stopped being any rhyme or reason that I could see as to who Felix would turn against, and at the time I didn't feel like I could handle it if it were me. Knowing that what was left of the friends Felix had been allowing me to keep would be in a group chat all agreeing that I did whatever horrible thing he decided to accuse me of, whether it really happened or not, was too much for me.

Looking back, I wonder how many of them were scared too, how many of them were agreeing because they didn't want to be next either. At the time, he had me so in thrall that I didn't even think of that. I just felt like I had to do whatever I could to please him and keep him happy with me, or he might decide to ruin my life for fun.

I've personally apologized to at least one of the people involved in that. I'm sorry I didn't stick up for you. I'm sorry that I tried to hide or downplay our continued friendship. I was so worried he would see me as a threat that I didn't act like a good friend and speak out. And I would like to extend that apology to all of our other friends as well because I'm pretty sure by this point I owe it to every single one of you, whether you know it or not.

I’m sure that anyone who thought that I might say something about Felix were expecting most of it to be about Rune. But the truth is that I’ve had issues with Felix since before he and Rune were ever speaking, much less dating.

It’s not that I don’t have any opinions about his treatment of Rune. I mean, his desperation for Rune to be fully under his control (a pattern I had seen him play out with our friends before, attempting to ruin the lives of anyone who got close to the object of his fixation and took away attention that he wanted for himself), and his anger when he couldn’t force Rune to isolate himself from his family and become dependent upon him, not to mention how his narratives about Rune are so obviously inconsistent that the lies within them speak for themselves.

The fact that he would call the cops on a home full of very marginalized people and EVER think that’s a good thing to do, even if he really did believe Rune was being abused? by the way NEVER CALL THE COPS in a domestic abuse situation, like EVER?? Never ever!! You can and WILL get people hurt! Remember kids, ALL COPS ARE BASTARDS and actual abusers will lash out at their victims if you do this!)

It’s my honest opinion at this point that getting close to Felix is dangerous. He’s not a person that you can trust and he’s not someone that it is safe to be around. He will lash out with magic, he will lash out with social manipulation, he will outright lie if it helps paint him as the victim and you as his monster of the week.

If you’re lucky, he’ll stop eventually -- once he has someone else to play these games with and maybe if you disappear completely. And even then, he’s still going to be checking your blog, obsessively googling your name, stalking your friends trying to find you, trying to “check up” on you, trying to keep feeding this twisted thing inside of him.

I have never made a “tumblr callout post”, even though there have been plenty of people who deserved it. And this is maybe this is the one I’ve been most afraid of doing, even now, even though I won’t be around for the fallout of it.

All of my other posts on this blog are gone now and when I publish this, I’ll be logging out of this account and I don’t plan to come back. I kind of hate that it has to be like this, but I don’t see any other way I can feel safe talking about this stuff, and I just can’t be silent any longer.

#pagan #witchcraft #witchblr #witches of tumblr #felix warren

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shattered-catalyst · 4 years ago

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Intro to OCD for the RPC part 1/?

This is a balmy 6 page document on the VERY BASICS of OCD by a person who has had OCD for over 15 years and knows their shit.

If you want to write a character who has OCD this series is going to be a good starting point. If you dont know much about OCD I encourage you to read it so you can be an ally to those of us who have the disorder.

OCD is made into a cultural joke and when there isnt the ‘Obsessive Cat disorder’ bullshit its an angst off with other people and their non-ocd intrusive thoughts. Its different. Do your research and be an ally.

This will cover the very very basics. The next post will look into subtypes of OCD and how those are experienced.

Whomst can write it?

Literally anyone as long as you

● Do so respectfully and not make a mockery of the disorder and the harm it causes in peoples lives

● Dont make OCD the characters single thing or boil them down to it entirely ● Do respect the experiences and opinions of muns who have the disorder if they have concerns about your portrayal.

● Dont milk it for angst - unless you have OCD in which case release some of your angst.

● Dont try and say you know what intrusive thoughts are because they have *insert any other neuro a-typical thing here*

● Dont police how Muns who have OCD choose to portray it. Its our experience not yours. I like to write out my characters OCD as I experience OCD so my experiences are different from other muns. OCD is very diverse in its effects but always ask if you arent sure.

. What isnt OCD?

● Cleanliness or organization- OCD is NEVER an adjective.

● Planning/ Hypervigilance/Organized/Methodical

● Turning light switches on and off, unplugging things (find out more on later time)

● “I have to organize my pencils otherwise it bothers me” “ I have to make sure my mattress is straight” “ my nails have to be the same length” are all typical responses from people WHO DO NOT have OCD.

● Making sure objects are lined up neatly

● Having things go in a particular order like the letters CDO as the joke goes

● Really loving Cats, Corgis, or Christmas; if you own any of these items i urge you to reflect and also send me 10$ (jk but do reflect)

The Barest minimum

Google OCD this will be an advanced version of OCD. This will be long but if you want to be aware of others or want to write the character you will read it.

OCD is made of Obsessions. Triggers. Anxiety, Compulsions/Rituals.

1. Obsessions are the thoughts

2. Triggers are the object/person/image/situation/smell ETC

3. The Anxiety occurs is at uncomfortable levels to the point of panic or anxiety attacks

4. Compulsions or Rituals are performed

*There is a variant of OCD called Pure O. In this individuals have the obsessions triggers and anxiety but there is NO compulsion or ritual. This is still valid OCD.

Obsessions are the precursors to the flawed unwanted and harmful intrusive thoughts:

Im going to use you so you really understand this because its important.If you misunderstand this you are basically encouraging a mental health condition and dont get a sticker for reading this far.

First check out this link as it has ALL the subtypes and examples.

Obsessions can be hidden by the intrusive thought and teasing them out can be difficult to do if you have the disorder because well its a disorder okay thats why. It boils down to ‘i could harm someone’ ‘i could cause harm’ ‘ i may have accidentally harmed ___’ ‘ i may accidentally harm’ etc

This is the flawed powerful belief that predate the Intrusive Thought.

Intrusive thoughts appear in every brain on earth. They are not special or unusual however intrusive thoughts with OCD get stuck in the brain- meaning they stay there no matter what you do. So yes , they are different from intrusive thoughts in other conditions.

The thing about OCD is that it latches on to what you hold dear; it may be you are a caring person and love children and animals- your OCD would give you intrusive violent or sexual thoughts or images. These are horrible to experience. They are not welcome nor appreciated and there is no benefit or positive side to having them.

If say social justice is something you hold dear your ocd may take the form of intrusive thoughts of slurs, jokes, visuals etc. These are horrible to experience and lead to high levels of anxiety and are not positive nor beneficial to have in any way shape or form.

Maybe you would not harm someone or you value others; your OCD may present as graphic intrusive images or thoughts around poisoning, stabbing,accidental..ly murdering (yeah you read that right), hitting, insulting etc someone else

I must emphasize this because it is critical that people understand POCD: for the sake of those of us who have OCD read this until its burned into your brain.

This is the fucked up awful Obsessive thought that you are/were/ or could be sexually attracted to children. This is NOT pedophilia. People kill themselves over this because they are afraid that these intrusive thoughts are true. People isolate themselves and dont have families out of fear of harming a child. People take work in different fields or avoid areas with children out of the absolute terror their obsessive thoughts could be true. This is NOT pedophilia. There is NO attraction present.

Most people who experience POCD intrusive thoughts would rather punch a sharknado than even THINK of hurting a kid in any way shape or form. That is why the OCD does its thing it is like having an abusive brain.

Again for clarity's sake

If you value social justice -> the intrusive thoughts violate social justice stuff

If you value animals -> intrusive thoughts come up with harming animals

If you care about the protection and safety of children -> POCD

Triggers would be the situation, scenario, object, person,creature, context etc that is related to the Obsession. It can be literally anything.

What follows is a hell of a lot of anxiety that can range anywhere from discomfort to full on panic attacks.

Everyone has different intrusive thoughts and everyone experiences different amounts of distress upon being triggered.

● As a side bar. Do not ever try and expose someone to their triggers or write about a character being exposed to their triggers as a way to help ‘cure them’ or ‘expose them’ to ANYTHING. What you are doing is literally taking someone with a mental illness and shoving them into a breakdown and thats a piece of shit move. Exposure therapy does exist and is done by professionals TRAINED in ERP. My parents did this a lot and I am positive I am not alone in that experience.

Compulsions or Rituals: Now you may be saying ‘hey i know what those are’ yeah dude me too and I have had ocd for over 15 years and trained in mental health for 7 and guess what. They teach ya wrong.

Compulsions or ‘rituals’ are any behavior done to alleviate the anxiety from the intrusive thought and trigger object.

This can be as passive as ‘i am leaving the room’ ‘ i am checking my body sensations’ ‘ i am trying SO HARD TO HEAR MY HEARTBEAT’ .

It can also be repeating the same thing over and over. To illustrate this I once mentally chanted the same song lyric line on a 3 hour plane ride because otherwise we were all going to die. I took one for the whole team.

It can be somatic things like counting your heart beats, focusing on your breathing, swallowing, staring and not blinking for so many seconds.

It can be readjusting clothing until the seams fit. It can be checking god yes checking IK its a common trope but it IS a compulsion that has ruined my life and can be as passive as checking my reality or texting for proof my cat is still alive. It can also be checking yourself for assurance you wouldnt do the intrusive thought or that the intrusive thought isnt going to happen.

Compulsions are mentally painful and sometimes physically painful;

● Washing your hands with scalding water for 5+ minutes can lead to horribly dry and cracking skin to down right BURNS.

● If you do the same movement you can mess up joints and ligaments. So if you pray constantly you may have knee issues from standing and kneeling.

● If your compulsion has you doing movement against an object ie say gripping and regripping something you get callouses.

● If you compulsively exercise you may get trapped doing something above a healthy amount or say going from not working out to running a five minute mile and wiping out on a treadmill because your brain demanded it. Totally didnt do that...

● If your compulsions make you rub against any object you can get friction burns and scars.

To put this in perspective 15 years of compulsions have left my hands and finger joints a complete mess, damaged my arm tendons, friction scars on my arms that only now faded, and scars on my legs from doing too much of an activity.

Its not lmao I gotta fix these pencils its real agony and real torture.

In short compulsions and rituals are not fun they are absolutely not logical, and we know they are not logical but we are forced to do them. Thats why its a disorder.

OCD disrupts relationships with social components such as ;

Obsessively checking in with partner/friend if things are ‘okay’ (this feels horrible to do too fyi like you KNOW things are fine but you cant NOT because the anxiety is SO BAD),

Relationship OCD is a WHOLE category itself! this ties into sexuality OCD where your obsessive thoughts prey on your sexuality (regardless of your orientation), your relationship, cheating or being disloyal etc.

OCD causes significant withdrawal from others, fears of being a monster, intense guilt over intrusive thoughts, disgust with yourself over the intrusive thoughts sometimes leading to self punishment.

OCD leads to strange behavior which more often than not leads to bullying and ostracization. To exemplify this I have an intrusive thought that I have stolen something when I am inside stores, my check-check-check-check-check-recheck! of my pockets gets me store security called so often its criminal.

OCD limits activities that may expose them to triggers or influenced by intrusive thoughts ie: not being able to take the train to work or only getting off at bus stops with even numbers.

OCD impacts where they spend time, who they associate with, what jobs they take or even if they have a family or not

OCD leads to overwhelming feelings of guilt, shame, and fear over having intrusive thoughts or images that they experience which causes them to socially isolate or have difficulty in social situations.

OCD leads to Hyperfixation: like a lot of other things but thankfully it is just hyperfixation and not different from other diagnoses.

OCD leads to rigidity or structured routines: I have listened to the same CD in my car for 5 years now. Every single day. 5 Years.And Im not okay with that.

OCD impacts standards we hold ourselves to and others: its like regular perfectionism but like add on 5 extra layers of anxiety!

OCD according to NIMH statistics

1.2% Occurrence among US adults

2.3% Lifetime Prevalence among US adults

34.8% Of Adults who have OCD suffer moderate impairment to daily functioning 50.6% of Adults who have OCD suffer serious impairment to daily functioning

OCD has strong co-morbidity with the following:

Tourettes Syndrome- is a genetic friend of OCD and if you have tourettes or OCD your chances of having someone else in the family is high

ADHD

Autism

GAD

Eating Disorders

Depression - this is a big one along with low self esteem because of the intrusive thoughts

Writers like to make jokes about characters “being OCD” well now they have clinical OCD and you should consider fleshing out your character with this information just as you would any other disorder.

Batman (DC)

Riddler (?)(DC)

Domino (Marvel)

Cyclops (Marvel)

#this took a lot of emotional energy and i am now terrified

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devilsskettle · 4 years ago

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(^^^ from howling (and bleeding) at the moon: menstruation, monstrosity and the double in the ginger snaps werewolf trilogy by erin m. flaherty)

tw for discussion of suicide ideation

okay. so. i agree with the “doppelgänger narrative” idea but the idea that brigitte “[comes] to stand for the symbolic order she resists so enthusiastically at the start of the film” is, in my reading of the ending, a misinterpretation of what ginger’s “monstrosity” signifies in the film. flaherty’s reading follows a common structure of creature features in which the monstrous transgresses social norms, so the overarching conflict is the “other” vs. normalcy. in that case, killing the monster at the end is a return to normal and reinforces societal expectations. however, i don’t think that ginger snaps is actually that kind of story. at the beginning, both ginger and brigitte “resist so enthusiastically” being part of society to the point of rejecting life, becoming isolated and codependent. before ginger gets her period, brigitte tells her that she better not become basic like all the other kids at their school, but she leaves her behind pretty quickly once she becomes interested in teen society sex drugs and rock n roll and is more accepted by her peers. brigitte continues not to give a fuck about what anyone thinks of her, even though ginger is part of that world now and not their own. part of ginger’s transformation actually helps her gain social acceptance - she is now part of the “symbolic order” even as she transgresses it. i’m not saying her transformation doesn’t transgress this order, or that she gains the acceptance of everyone at her school - trina in particular certainly isn’t a fan - but especially at the beginning, the changes that she undergoes is perceived as her becoming a “normal” teenage girl instead of the freaky death-obsessed kid ostracized by her classmates.

i would argue that ginger’s transformation makes her both super- and unfeminine - super-feminine in the sense that all the side effects of puberty for people with uteruses (menstruation, body hair/shaving, developing new body parts, hormones/mood swings, and awareness of sexuality/being sexually active) are exaggerated during her transformation - and a lot of these symptoms are ways in which a woman’s body is policed or found unacceptable or gross; unfeminine in the sense that, first of all, she’s becoming inhuman and gender is a very human concept, and second of all, she still doesn’t fit the mold of female expectation (i.e. shaving, dressing a certain way, being demure or nurturing, not being overconfident, not being a slut OR not being a prude, not having physical strength, etc). flaherty does make this argument via david j. hogan’s dark romance: sexuality and the horror film: “in complete confrontation with the classic view of the werewolf as ‘masculinity carried to an outrageous extreme,’ the werewolf is actually aligned with femininity carried to an extreme,” an idea that i think works really well in discussion of ginger snaps in particular. she also rejects the identity of “girl” several times - “wrists are for girls, i’m slitting my throat,” yelling at brigitte and saying she’s “just a stupid little girl” - and disparagingly points out the difference between the expectations for male and female sexuality - “he got laid, i’m just a lay.” so.... i definitely do get the interpretation of ginger’s death to have a kind of punitive logic for transgressing gendered expectations in these two different ways, but i think that’s a meta-criticism on the part of the writers, not the role that brigitte fills (for a movie that rejects the “death by morality call” of hollywood monster movies, they really did still punish her narratively for moral transgressions lmao - like flaherty says, “it appears that as subversive as the ginger snaps films are in respect to the werewolf narrative, they also reflect a deep cultural ambivalence about female identity. there is no option offered to ginger or brigitte, and due tot heir unwillingness to accept the roles predetermined for them in the society in which they live, they must be punished”). honestly i think i am nitpicking a little bit because i guess i do ultimately agree with flaherty that the story follows a normalcy > otherness > return to normalcy pattern with gendered ideas of what normalcy is, and where she loses me is her interpretation of brigitte and ginger’s social standing. to me, ginger seems really frustrated trying to navigate gender roles and her own position in society - but she is engaging with society.

you know who’s still not engaging with society? brigitte. she isn’t part of that “normalcy” at all, so to me, her rejection of the lycanthropy that ginger embraces signifies less that she sides with the social order and wants to reinforce normalcy, and more that she did a lot of growing up over the course of this movie as well, in a different direction than ginger did, and she reclaims her agency as well as her will to live. i feel like the monstrosity vs. normalcy framework ignores the fact that both ginger and brigitte are actively suicidal at the beginning of the movie - the first shot we get of ginger is her holding a knife to her wrist. at the beginning, brigitte hesitantly agrees to their suicide pact despite her obvious reservations. at the end, she strongly asserts, “i’m not dying in this room with you. i’m not dying.” so if we consider ginger’s mimetic role for brigitte, killing her isn’t reestablishing the social norm, it’s rejecting her own destructive and suicidal tendencies. i think her narrative arc teaches her: 1) how to make her own decisions separate from ginger and have agency in her own life, 2) recognition of her mother’s feelings of estrangement from her family, 3) how to connect with other people in a way that isn’t codependent, 4) rejection of suicide ideation. all of these lessons are ways of treating yourself and others with respect, compassion, and understanding - even though brigitte doesn’t change dramatically, magically becoming a saccharinely nice person or a social butterfly. she maintains her isolation and personality much more than ginger does over the course of the film. while at the beginning their fascination with their own deaths “not only demonstrates the duo’s disgust at the banality of their suburban surroundings, it also proclaims their self-stylized exclusion from the heterosexually fueled dynamics of the teen scene” (via menstrual monsters: the reception of the ginger snaps cult horror franchise), it’s ginger, not brigitte, who ends up participating in this “compulsive heterosexing high school culture,” where brigitte’s choice to not commit suicide isn’t her opting into this culture, but attempting to find a less destructive way of escaping or coping with it.

flaherty argues that because brigitte’s first period is never discussed in the films, “she remains a child and therefore is unable to understand the true restrictiveness of woman as Other, what leads ginger to eventually embrace and enjoy her monstrosity,” but in unleashed, a fair amount of time has passed and i think it’s fair to say that brigitte no longer seems child-like (that role is assumed by ghost), and also she starts experiencing the same kind of monstrous sexuality as ginger did in the first movie - i think it misrepresents her characterization in the sequel to say that she maintains “child” status. i also think it’s not relevant to try to distinguish between “girl” and “woman” in terms of the monstrous-feminine. she still experiences alienation and otherness because she’s female and transgresses gender roles. so.... i don’t know. it’s a weird argument to make, especially since, like i said before, i consider this story a kind of coming of age for both sisters. “lycanthropy and femaleness” are not “ultimately unknowable” to her because.... she does become a werewolf over the course of both movies and she’s already female (like..... getting your period doesn’t magically make you a Real Woman lol)

i also think it’s significant that as a stand-alone movie (ignoring the sequel, which is worth watching but seriously bleak as hell) the ending is tragic but tacitly hopeful as well - as far as we know at that point brigitte has the cure (which actually works!) and is not going to kill herself. in her final confrontation with ginger, she has the cure in one hand and a knife in the other hand, and i think that nicely represents the choice that is hanging over her head the entire movie: choosing to live or choosing to die. (flaherty calls this “a telling moment of double phallic-appropriation” which..... meh. okay. not every weapon/tool used in a horror movie has to be a phallic symbol but also, sure, whatever. that’s one way to read it i guess). ginger made her decision at the very beginning of the movie

this quote by karen walton expresses this interpretation really well:

The two sisters had this childhood bond with their pact. These two sisters were also best friends who created a bubble for themselves and took strength from each other, nourished and informed each other for a long time; but the film is not just the story of Ginger turning into a monster. It is also a story about Brigitte surviving her sister who is on a death spiral. Ginger's is a story of self-destruction. But where people get confused is that they think Ginger is the hero, but the film is really about a sister who survives a sister, who survives a best friend. An intimate relationship that becomes unhealthy and deadly.

and i’ve talked a little bit about why i feel uncomfortable with attaching a ~*girl power*~ narrative to ginger so i won’t get to much into that but i have some thoughts about that here

also i’ve said a little bit about this before and i am basically copy/pasting from a post i already made but with a doppelgänger story like this, especially with a focus on women and madness, to me it immediately brings to mind jane eyre. i am thinking in terms of the mimetic function of jane/bertha and brigitte/ginger, with the repressed emotions and desires of the protagonist coming through in the actions of the “madwoman” character. especially brigitte’s assertion of “now i am you” when she voluntarily lets ginger turn her into a werewolf. the “madwoman” is portrayed as bestial, hypersexual, intemperate with substances, jealous, vengeful, as well as dealing with extreme anger toward confinement (ginger’s panic at getting locked up and her escape and weaponized sexuality brand of revenge is so similar to bertha like. trying to burn rochester alive and biting her brother badly enough that he passes out and other shit like that). but ALSO the other women in jane eyre have a mimetic function as well, where they can be read as potential paths for jane to follow (these choices generally can be summarized as dead or married). i think ginger snaps can be read the same way - ginger, trina, and her mother are the models of womanhood brigitte is presented with, and she is repeatedly told that what’s happening to ginger is normal, that all women experience that, and soon she will too. like the women in jane eyre, they’re models of femininity that she rejects but has to navigate because there are no other models for her. these three characters are either killed (directly or indirectly) or abandoned by her by the end of the movie. it’s actually ginger who defines the roles that women are cast into: “a slut, a bitch, a tease, or the virgin next door.” this is similar the female archetypes that jane has to navigate (and resist) throughout jane eyre. anyway this is a really roundabout way of saying that although brigitte does reject her worldview from the beginning of the movie, she doesn’t accept social order and normalcy. she doesn’t fall into any easily defined category. which is the point - “no one thinks girls do fucked up shit” but of course they do, no one thinks they can be more complex than these categories but of course they are, no one entertains the possibility that brigitte isn’t going to follow some made up universal experience of girlhood but she resists that through the end of the movie. she’s still a total weirdo <3

so yeah, i will also disagree with the assertion that both sisters lose their identities, because while i think there is a loss or a shift of identity in both ginger and brigitte, like flaherty argues, part of brigitte’s narrative arc is figuring out who she is without her dependence on her sister. brigitte saying “now i am you” feels less about loss of identity to me than actually identifying herself with the traits she sees (or used to see) in ginger - where ginger’s response (“i know you are, but what am i?”) indicates actual loss of identity rather than something transitory

oh and also one of the main claims of this paper is that the male werewolf’s source of pain is beyond the “lifetime of morning-afters where he must confront the previous night’s excess,” and is really his “bodily alignment with another ungraspable Other, the woman” which 1) i don’t think follows the definition of the Other she establishes earlier in the paper as something that is repressed in a self or society - this use of “otherness” seems more about alignment with something different than his own identity and less about the jekyll and hyde comparison she evokes with the expression of a repressed self (imo i don’t think she should’ve used that story to support her argument since it isn’t actually about werewolves, even though i get her point about the repressed self, it’s kind of irrelevant to her argument), 2) brigitte in the first movie doesn’t seem repressed to me - she genuinely doesn’t seem to have the same impulses as ginger does and it’s not until the sequel that she actively is attempting to repress the changes that are happening to her; however, since the paper does concern the whole trilogy, i think the point is still valid, but there’s such a heavy focus on the first movie that i feel the need to dispute that interpretation of her character arc, and 3) i don’t think this interpretation really lines up with classic werewolf movies - there’s nothing particularly feminine about your standard werewolf except arguably the cyclical alignment with the moon that ginger snaps uses as a menstruation metaphor, but like. for example. i would never watch an american werewolf in london and think, “oh, his distress isn’t actually about killing innocent people, loss of control, loss of sanity, guilt and mourning because of the death of his friend, a predetermined fate, and suicide, it’s about him being female-coded” or something. like, yes, “the tragedy of the male werewolf is believed to lie exclusively in the deep anguish he feels in violating the very societal boundaries he has come to live under” and it’s interesting to dig deeper into that in terms of gender and sexuality, but i don’t think femaleness is inherent in the distress of the male werewolf - of course this is true in ginger snaps (with jason’s transformation being particularly distressing to him because it mirrors menstruation). the assertion that the classic werewolf “bleeds uncontrollably until his transformation is complete” similarly seems unfounded to me because i’ve never seen that in werewolf movies and she doesn’t cite where she finds that symptom of the transformation - maybe i am missing something there? if anyone knows of a depiction where that’s the case let me know, because that’s definitely a stronger argument for werewolves = menstruation-coded.

and re: the quote i cited earlier about werewolves = femininity taken to the extreme: i don’t think that argument holds true in the classic depiction/cultural perception of the werewolf. i think this post makes a more supportable (and concise) argument:

There are hardly any female werewolves because they break all the classic rules of femininity. They force you to confront female violence, strength, size, grotesqueness and uncontrollability. Historically female shapeshifters always shift into something dangerous (snake) or sleek (cat) or dainty (bird) but female werewolves ignore the masculine gaze completely. They're distorted beasts that have no ulterior motive except to destroy. Nothing about them is nurturing or modest. They're the opposite of what a woman "should be." Their omission from pop culture is not an accident.

all that being said, i did enjoy this article, especially starting at the section titled “wrists are for girls; i’m slitting my throat:” ginger fitzgerald’s monstrosity and all the stuff about ginger’s transformation as a reflection of "monstrosity” as a teenage girl, and suburban landscape of repression. one description of brigitte’s conflict that i actually really like: “unlike the male werewolf’s double, brigitte yearns not for the eradication of her other half but for the reconciliation.” i think it’s a really interesting read, even if i don’t agree with a lot of it. and maybe i’m way off base? maybe i’m interpreting brigitte as a character too generously? let me know what you guys think

#ginger snaps #hell is a teenage girl #anyway..... i've got some opinions #i have no outlet for ranting about ginger snaps OR jane eyre anymore so just.... bear with me #suicide tw #long post

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t100ficrecsblog · 4 years ago

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an interview with @elora-lane (she/they) content warning: mentions of mental illness and past physical injury

what are you working on right now? what’s something you’d like to write one day?

Right now, I am working on a Bellarke A/B/O period fic called Surely, You Must Know. I am also working on my Bellarke for BLM Prompts. The first one was posted a couple weeks ago, and I have a bit written for my Bellarke improv/roommates au, and the Josie/Bellamy Bellarke fic (where Bellamy goes through the wringer with an abusive Josie, and Clarke is there to help him heal).

Something I’d like to write one day... I have a book idea about a genderfluid, bisexual individual based in the early 1820s. The main character (she/her, they/them) was born female and finds herself ostracized after she kisses her best friend (a female), when her friend says she is going to school elsewhere. It takes place over years, and involves the main character falling in love, her love being killed in front of her, having a child and ending up with the very same friend who couldn’t accept her own sexuality (the best friend is a lesbian).

I’m not sure If I’ll get around to writing it, but I have it all planned out and the characters already live in my mind.

what is the fanwork you’re most proud of? Hmm... that’s honestly very difficult for me to answer because I’m rarely happy with my writing in the long term. But I’d say I’m proud of The Governor’s Daughter, which was written for Garcy (timeless, Garcia Flynn/Lucy Preston). I had a three-part story planned out for this fic, but I’ve since gotten so absorbed with Bellarke that I changed the ending so it wouldn’t torture fans. But in the original ending the main character is pregnant when she is kidnapped, and her husband is recovering from a gunshot wound himself, when shots are fired in her home.

The main character leaves thinking everyone she loves is dead.

I was rather proud of the fic because it’s the longest thing I’ve written- and I don’t write long works. Beyond that, it was about two individuals who should never have met. But did and fell in love despite all odds. In the story not everything is as it seems. I did a lot of research for it and wonder if I got it right (the language probably needs some work). I sorta get obsessed with research, although I know it’s not perfect.

The Bellarke work I’m most proud of is probably How Not to Quarantine. I went into it wanting to write something smutty. But it became a bit deeper than that and dealt with issues of battling societal norms, sexism toward both women and men, and miscommunication.

why did you first start writing fic? I got inspired by Garcia Flynn and Lucy Preston from Timeless. I got inspired by the idea of time travel, and how the future is never as it seems. I’ve always written poetry, and very short stories. But fan fic has been my first time really writing stories with somewhat significant plotlines. I wanted to fill a plot hole, and well... I haven’t stopped writing since.

Another aspect of it was that I was new mom and unemployed. I have twins who are toddlers now. But when I first started writing I had horrible post-partum depression and anxiety that lasted two years. Writing helped me funnel all of that and be the new mom I needed to be. The lovely comments and encouragement I got from fandom friends played a part in keeping me on the road to recovering from my worst depressive episode.

what frustrates you most about fic writing? Honestly, not to sound mellow-dramatic, but me. I frustrate myself.

I’ve mentioned it a little bit, but I had a few head injuries and I have bad ADHD. It’s a lot better than it was when I first started writing about two and half years ago. I would revisit my works and there were so many errors and things that just didn’t make sense. After my last head injury (I fell 8ft on concrete right onto the back of my head about eight years ago), I would write papers that made sense to me in the moment, and then my instructor would show me what I wrote, and it was just totally jumbled up nonsense- some of it wasn’t even words. Needless to say, I had to drop out of college.

So, as frustrating as it is, I’m proud of myself for continuing to write enough to retrain my brain (of course, it also healed, and anti depressants helped my brain chemistry realign). I still make errors and my brain gets tired quickly on some days, but I’ve come a long way. Grammarly is a huge help, too!

what are your top five songs right now? Oh boy. I totally blame @star-sky-earth for the first three... here is a list.

Body by SYML

Touch by Sleeping at Last

Let Me by ZAYN

Bulletproof Weeks by Matt Nathanson

Nashville by Noah Gundersen

That was so hard to decide, thank you for the challenge!

what are your inspirations (books, songs, other fic, really good cake?)? Music is huge for me. I’m very sensitive to the mood that music puts me in. A good tune can help me think of an entire plotline. Usually, it’s the music in a movie and the visuals that inspire me, and rarely the dialogue.

Anything by Jane Austen is inspiring for my Bellarke ABO period fic. My fav JA book is Northanger Abbey, but I rewatched the film version of Mansfield Park, Emma, and Sense and Sensibility (the BBC three-parter) all in one night!

Bonus note: the new Emma has a really good kiss scene that is just 100%... Muy Bueno. Loved it. ed’s note: the new Emma film is very good

what first attracted you to Bellarke? what attracts you now? Well, frankly I was attracted to Bellarke fic before I liked them in the show. But some of the Modern AUs and some of the Canon Divergent AUs have power dynamics that really get me. I love fics where one of them is a king/queen or boss, and it takes time for them to fall in love, but the one with the power is gracious and caring and uses that to help the other. Even if it takes a while to get there, I guess kindness and compassion attract me. As does conflict resolution. To me, conflict is worth it if it gets a good resolution.

I also like other themes like loyalty, perseverance, transformation, epiphany and absolution.

In the show, season six hooked me.

BESIDES Bellarke, what character or pairing do you like best on t100? I’m gonna answer this from a fic writer perspective. Honestly, I’d love to see season six Echo continue the road to absolution and end up with Gabriel (I mean, it’s a pipe dream, but Gecho, c’mon...). I’m okay with where she is in season seven, because I can’t control it. But it’s not what I would have done.

Roan/Echo is fav of mine.

I also would have loved to see Gina and Raven. Or more Gina/Bellamy. I really liked Gina.

As far as 100% actual ships, I liked Linctavia. I do like season seven, too. Although it feels like a totally different show.

why did you decide to start writing for bellarkefic-for-blm? I decided to because it allows me to use something unique for the good of others. I try for the most part to help others.

what’s your writing process like? Chaos.

Writing for me is like cracking open a coconut. It’s tough to get there, but once you do it doesn’t stop. And if you hit it too hard, the stuff just goes all over the place.

what are some things you’d like to recommend? In general? Umm... Calm Magnesium drink, it’s super relaxing. Like last night I started having all this anxiety and drank some. It calmed me down enough to sleep (also listened to the sound of a snowstorm and crackling fire).

I also recommend introspection and reflection. If you do that a lot, I recommend art or writing. Life is all about balance.

You can find @elora-lane here on Tumblr, or at their ao3 here. Request a fic written by her over at @bellarkefic-for-blm.

#bellarkefic4blm #bellamy blake #clarke griffin #bellarke fanfiction #the 100 fanfiction #bellarkefic for blm interviews

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alteredphoenix · 4 years ago

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In Defense of Calia: On the Topic of Misogyny and the Criticism of the Forsaken Double Standard

So I like to browse Twitter a lot, mainly for the art but mostly just to kill time. But I also follow people and websites, and one of those happens to be Wowhead. A couple days ago there was an article documenting Calia’s appearance within the Horde Council in the Shadowlands pre-patch, to which she would voice her opinion on the state of the Horde as well as the uncertain future that Azeroth now faces with the breaking of the Helm of Domination and return of the Scourge.

The WoW community can be...very passionate, or inflammatory, depending on your point of view. The same can be said for any big fandom, in all honesty. But I’m not in a lot of fandoms, and, at least where WoW is concerned, there’s a kind of laser-guided hyperfixation in regards to the introduction and development of its characters. Old or new, the fandom watches them like a hawk, but perhaps none more vigilantly than ones that have been mentioned in-game but have not made an actual appearance itself beyond the tie-in novels.

Three of these characters are Turalyon, Alleria, and Calia. However, Turalyon and Alleria are not given this much scrutiny outside of snide quips that “Turalyon is flat and boring/he’s a zealot/he’s the embodiment of the white savior among the draenei” and “Alleria is a fucking psycho for using the Void and wanting the blood elves to return to the Alliance, she’s just like her sisters, it must run in the blood/she’s arm candy to another, rugged Alliance man” whenever the plot calls for their convenience. I would daresay these parts of the fandom would go as far to say that with their developments given within the story, it would be in Blizzard’s best interests to have never brought them so as to “preserve their memory from before the Activision merger”. On the other hand, I would like to note that this sentiment is echoed ad nauseam for practically every character in WoW...but we’ll touch on that a little bit. This piece isn’t about Turalyon and Alleria or the others.

Rather, this is about Calia, and I wanted to give voice to my opinions on the backlash - or perhaps reception would be a better word - she has been receiving. She was a character I came across reading Arthas: Rise of the Lich King and didn’t think much of afterwards; for all I knew, she had died when Lordaeron and that was the end of the Menethil bloodline. However, with her debut in Legion and unique circumstances that followed culminating from the ending of Before the Storm, as well as being tangentially tied with the Light/Void conflict that’ll come to the forefront in the future, I wanted to keep an eye on her character arc.

Needless to say, when I read the Wowhead post, the comments could basically be described like this:

The WoW Community: Gawd, Blizzard is pushing Calia so hard into the narrative. She’s just another pathetic dev’s self-insert like Nathanos is, even though we only base this off some harmless, tongue-in-cheek posts on Twitter and we need to vent our anger toward another character who clearly has too much development! She’s everywhere!

Be me, off to the side, remembering she was only present in the Priest Class Hall campaign in Legion; takes part in Before the Storm before getting axed in the Arathi Gathering and being subsequently raised into Lightly undeath by a king, her Archbishop, and a naaru that may have influenced her into going to the Gathering; only shows up very late in BfA right after Sylvanas Blasts Off Again at the end of the War Campaign to reconnect with the Proudmoores and help the kaldorei undead as well as the Forsaken Sylvanas ditches; shadows Lilian and the Horde Council in Shadows Rising, and shows up in Icecrown when the sky cracks open and Bolvar is no longer the Lich King that took up the role her brother was in.

I don’t know what popular fanfiction you folks are reading (or whatever tea you’re drinking; I’ve been looking around since the last Calia post I made and I can’t find it!), but that is not what I would call everywhere.

Look, you’re more than welcome to despise Calia as much as Nathanos over baseless claims and double standards, but let’s not pretend there are other Forsaken that’d fill the hole Sylvanas left behind. Because they can’t. They won’t be able to, because for years Sylvanas made up the core of Forsaken identity. Prior to WotLK they were a race that was reviled and ostracized by the world and looked upon with distrust by everyone including the Horde, even as Hamuul vouched for them and convinced Thrall to give them a chance despite knowing full well how cruel and selfish they could be. Their sole purpose was to exact revenge on the man who took everything away from them, destroyed their lives, and raised them into his service against their will.

And even when Arthas was defeated, they had no other purpose but to conquer Lordaeron, find a way to reproduce their numbers, and reaffirm their loyalty to the Horde - because where the hell else are they going to go? Because even if some Forsaken disagree with Sylvanas’s strict institutions regarding the acceptance of their undeath and the complete rejection of their former, mortal lives, not everyone in the Alliance is going to welcome them with open arms; not everyone is an Anduin or a Jaina. You see this with Genn, who despite accepting that not every Forsaken is bad still holds them in contempt, and with Alleria, who, after spending a thousand years in the Twisting Nether fighting the Burning Legion and thus being removed from the changes that occurred on Azeroth, is justifiably concerned that they are no longer the same person in undeath as they were in life. You see this in the way that some families spurn their loved ones when the Gathering takes place.

So while it’s true that you can say Calia doesn’t have what it takes to be the person the Forsaken need in a post-Sylvanas Azeroth, you must also remember that of all the named Forsaken we know of only Lilian has been given due development. You can’t say the same for Belmont (a loyalist who disregarded Cromush’s warnings about using the plague in Silverpine, as well as fought a losing battle against Tyrande in Darkshore in BfA), Helcular (a presumably former Cult of the Damned affiliate who notably defended Tarren Mill during the Legion’s third incursion), Faranell (another loyalist who created the New Plague and believes Putress is behind Wrathgate, but perhaps unaware of Sylvanas’s possible involvement), and Velonara (who did not want to be want to raised but followed Sylvanas anyway until the Fourth War, eventually siding with the Horde Council). They are merely foot soldiers; outside of maybe Velonara they don’t have the luxury of experiencing the emotional turmoil a newly risen undead goes through the way Lilian Voss does when Thomas Zelling, dying from illness, makes a deal to be raised into undeath and help the Horde in their war if it meant protecting his family. They don’t have the luxury of watching him get executed by the Warchief’s right hand man in front of their eyes the way Lilian and every other Horde leader present did. You would not get the same weight by switching her out with any of them. You could say Lilian would make a decent successor to Sylvanas, and I would not disagree with you. However, Lilian does not have the familial connection that Calia does to Lordaeron, and while Gey’arah poses the question of leadership to her at the Horde War Campaign’s epilogue, it should be noted that Lilian believes there is “another more suited to the task”, preferring to be the hand that would comfort the Forsaken of the trauma of being raised into undeath and, as of Shadows Rising, act as their interim leader.

Then again, neither does Calia. We don’t know where she and Faol were after Lordaeron’s fall (which is one key detail I have seen people not take into account upon their criticisms of her character), but we do know that upon being asked she had refused to reassert her claim to Lordaeron. However, she has common sense enough to know that Faol was not like the other Scourge in the beginning, and later when she met with Elsie, Parqual Fintallas, and the Felstone family.

Whatever happened during that time period prior to Legion, she identifies with the Forsaken. They are, in a way, still her people, regardless of that. This is why I think she would suit the Forsaken best as their leader, not as Queen of Lordaeron that the fandom - or rather, most of the Sylvanas stans - has been so prone to parroting since her intentions to help guide the kaldorei undead and the Lordaeronian Forsaken were first revealed.

And look, I’m a Sylvanas stan, too. But it is very much apparent that Sylvanas only started the Fourth War for her own purposes, has clearly been in an alliance with the Jailer since Cataclysm (yet is hinted to not be entirely subservient to him), and even if she was doing everything up until Shadowlands as an extreme mixture of For the Greater Good and The End Justifies The Means she was still a toxic influence to the more honorable members of the Horde and to the Desolate Council. Even if her behavior were an act to conceal her true intentions, it would still not absolve her completely for all the atrocities she committed and the suffering she caused. Not even Nathanos, whom people have an obsessive, misandrist fixation of being based on someone who’s not despite being in the game for fifteen years prior to that dev joining Blizzard, would not be the best replacement for Sylvanas. Nathanos - the same man who loves Sylvanas so much he would do anything for her even as he pushes aside the brief moments where he hesitates following her orders and expresses shock at her actions - would not have either the Horde’s or the Forsaken’s best interests at heart, for his belongs only to her. After all, you can’t “redeem” a character if the character himself does not regret what they have done and does not want to change for the better.

Which is another thing I have noticed, in the years I have been in the WoW fandom: the concept of “redemption” in the wake of “character assassination” in the wake of events that caused by said characters that are often deemed questionable, which is what I believe makes people conclude the causation to be a source of “bad writing”. This also ties to what I also believe to be the misogynistic undertones the fandom expresses, simply because the events caused by questionable if dubious methods are done by a woman and not a man, which therefore leads to the notion that Blizzard “hates women”. This gives me the impression that these voices would prefer to have Blizzard write their women as someone who are pure and strong and multi-faceted but the minute she performs an action that not everyone is on board with then she is either considered “ruined” or a “dreadlord”, which is merely a cop-out excuse that you only see applied to the female characters (e.g. Jaina) but not the male characters; those men are simply called “evil” or “genocidal”, whether or not they are rightfully so. Then again, men are also considered “ruined” if they are so much as given the spotlight (e.g. Lor’themar in Nazjatar, Baine throughout BfA), but they are nowhere near under as much scrutiny than the women are (unless it’s Garrosh, then you’re going to have to put up with the “Garrosh Did Nothing Wrong” memes). Which leads us back to the hypocrisy the fandom shows towards Calia, a character to whom people call a “Mary Sue” but at the same time an “abomination” who is going to be “Queen of the Forsaken” that is being pushed by Blizzard to make the playerbase hate Sylvanas even more.

And from what we know about Calia, she is neither seeking to become “Queen of the Forsaken” for the foreseeable future nor a “Mary Sue” (if she were, she would’ve succeeded in making all the Forsaken defect to the Alliance and, you know, not die). Perhaps she is made to question if she is capable of providing for the Forsaken (for some, that is, for it was confirmed by Blizzard that not all Forsaken are willing to be lead by another Menethil, and one who had been missing and presumed dead for years at that). Perhaps she is an anomaly, but she is by no means perfection incarnate the fanbase paints her to be.

TLDR Calia Menethil is a character that deserves a chance at getting her character arc and development, and should be judged accordingly instead of jumping the gun.

#world of warcraft #calia menethil #meta

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