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nuclearnerves · 3 years ago

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INCOMING VAMPIRE AU THOUGHTS

Don't mind me I'm finally getting the ideas I had on this shit out so I can actually go forward with developing it as an AU. It's my usual mixup of fps protags, Gordon Guy and John, but I'm starting with Gordon as the Vampire and Guy as the Vampire Hunter.

absolute beast of a wall of text under the cut

What If Being A Vampire Literally Sucks All The Time Forever like chronic pain sucks. like THAT level of sucks. Like Here's what I was thinking of. Being a vampire isn't just "being alive forever but you need to drink human blood" It's like Oh man I have some lore you look at vampires and their main thing is that they're blood suckers right so lets start with a corpse dead body. cadaver. no longer with us. just some rotting meat. The brain needs oxygen as fuel. The blood supplies the oxygen through blood. The blood is pumped through the heart. The blood is made by your bone marrow. You die. Your heart stops beating Blood stops pumping Brain no longer has oxygen to think marrow stops making blood thats standard! Now, becoming undead, as a vampire, is a little more complicated. The long and short of it is: your body is FIGHTING ACTIVELY to be alive against all odds and wins every time (immortality), but it hurts the whole way

I have the gist of it. It's like. Your heart stops. By all means, you should be dead. but the magic kicks in, and you're still thinking. Your brain is still sending signals to your muscles to move. But using what oxygen to move? whats burning in you? You don't know but you know it's just enough to get to your next meal. So you ferociously eat something, and then find you can't swallow. You can't make saliva. You barely have the energy to chew, and once you DO get something in your stomach, it immediately comes back up. Why can't you feel your pulse? What's going on? You're out of options so you figure you might as well just lie down and die. You're too tired to keep going anyway. So you do, you lie down, and you close your eyes, and you quietly hope that death is as peaceful as sleep. You realize you've actually been moving around without breathing, which makes sense because you can barely flex your diaphragm for more than a shaky wheeze. How are you thinking with such little oxygen? But as you fade from consciousness, you can feel something in you, and it's so upset, it's crying, it's filled with grief, and you instantly can tell it's your skeleton. It's your bones. You're distraught down to your marrow. You're dying. You're dying! Your heart stopped and you have no more blood! You need blood! You need blood to move! To breathe! To think! You try to breath deep again for the voices in your bones, trying to comfort them, to sooth them with the repetitive motion in your lungs, trying to fill yourself with anything but grief, but they keep wailing. We make the blood, our creation, our child, what we put all of our work into is gone! gone! gone! We need it back! Anything! All of it! Find it! Bring it back to us! We're hungry! WE'RE HUNGRY!

and once you find yourself too exhausted to listen, to think, how badly you wish just to die already to cease hearing this wailing, you find your body moving without you. And it's hungry and it's searching and it's crawling on all fours and it misses its beautiful red life that made it feel so full before and it needs it back, and the next thing you know you're desperately grabbing anything with blood in it and shoving it in your mouth in a desperate attempt to sooth this cry for life, you don't want to die, you don't want to die, you worked so hard to keep up this body and craft it and LIVE with it and you're not going to go, and even when you try, even when you try to lay down and die, your body refuses, it takes the reigns, and it keeps up the work itself with or without your help. And it's not until your stomach is full and your teeth are stained and you feel a pulsating burning in your bones that you snap back awake, completely conscious, just fine. You're lucid, you don't feel any more pain. Everything around you is dead and drained and messy and your heart still isn't beating. but you can breathe now and holy shit you guess you literally need to kill to survive and the less you eat and the more you starve yourself the worse it gets when your body finally decides to take recourse.

my idea was like. "the vampires curse is actually stored in the bones, thats why the teeth get so sharp and also theres a connection between blood and bones with the creation via bone marrow" its literally like i was sitting there thinking "no no no, whats it like to be a vampire. what neurosis would you develop. How would you panic? What are common mistakes beginner vampires make" which, by the way, gordon is a beginner vampire

so now you gotta factor, what blood lasts for how long? how long can you go between meals? not only that, but what creatures satisfy the urge? How long can you go avoiding human blood? Does it work like drugs where you develop a resistance to the high, or is it like food where it will keep you moving until you eat again? How the fuck are you gonna get your hands on blood? Can you just eat raw meat? Does that count? and thats where im at lol

OKAY now. now thoughts on beginning scenes of vampire au

So my idea was this Doomguy is a vampire hunter independent and one of his buds says that some freak scared and almost attacked his daughter when she got too close to his old abandoned laboratory up the hill and hes like “he might be… you know… a problem. if you needed a lead” and guys like yeah i fuckin hate the undead ill kill this dude so he busts into old lab space and sees so many dead animals its actually mostly Bones and pelt that hes seeing piles of feathers etc so hes like yeah this is all telltale signs of vampire uhhh hes introduced to gordon SOMEHOW im not totally sure of the details but the working idea i have is guy falls into a trap gordon devised that restrains him suspended in wire or something and gordon like. limps/stumbles into the room and this dude looks haggard he’s breathing heavy, his cheeks are hollow, he’s bug-eyed and shaking while looking at this massive wall of meat in his trap and he bares a bunch of hideous teeth and grits them and looks like hes really struggling with somethin... Like if these dudes don't know each other then Gordon might give in and try to drain Guy, and Guy would absolutely do anything in his power to turn this new vampire into ash, im thinking the inclusion if g-man as a coven leader can fix both issues.

i like the idea of guy falling into gordons trap and gordon thinking about what to do with him before gman shows up and whisks gordon away for a “meeting” while complimenting him on his good work catching the most feared vampire hunter in the country and gman just leaving guy suspended in wires that he has to fight his way out of. Instant situation defuser.

Guy ends up needing to take care of other monsters before going back to Gordon, and he DOES plan to go back to gordon, because no vampire is a good one, especially not one associated with the fucking head of a coven, but next time he sees Gordon, Gordon helps him out of a scrape by attacking and draining a combine who was going to take Guy out or something and escaping before Guy can catch him, or otherwise seeing Gordon do something good with his insane undead powers and like, the third time he meets up with him is when they can actually talk, and Gordons fuckin SO haggard, he’s not even fighting back and he’s even going as far as to say “just make sure theres nothing of me left when you’re done, I don’t want anyone else getting hurt”

Side Note: Guy has a bunch of scarring on his body from dealing with vampires, cops, ghosts, werewolves, anything violent that kills people. I'm playing with the inkling of an idea that he has Divine Blood in him, so that any time something undead bites him or tries to drink his blood, it burns. We'll see.

Side Note 2: now i really like the idea of the combine actually being an organized faction of vampire hunters that are WICKED crooked and exploit people for all their worth in exchange for their “safety” when they kill a vampire They’re essentially loansharks and Guy fucking hates them and hates the name theyve given to vampire hunting

Side Note 3: You've probably noticed that I haven't said anything about John yet! He's in this too. His species is a surprise but I need to get to him later I have an idea for where he came from (Cortana too)

I still need a good reason for Guy to not instantly kill this vampire, if not it's just gonna be "Gordon Freeman escapes the countrys best vampire hunter like a seventh time" every time they meet and they end up being rivals. And it gives Guy enough time to look past the whole "undead monster" thing and start looking at the "Oh this dude figured out how to fight his ridiculous craving for blood in a way more humane than most and is actually staying out of peoples way and keeping to himself. Guess he's not that big of a threat but I still need to keep an eye on him in case he loses it. Turns out he's got a family (Probably Alyx, Eli, Issac and Barney) who's been lookin for him and cares about him as well, don't wanna hurt them". I like the idea of them ending up needing to team up to take out undead together.

And that's what I got so far!!!

#freeguy #gordon freeman #doomguy #vampire au #freeguy117

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barclaysangel · 3 years ago

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"Smells Like Teen Spirit"; Chapter 11: I Found it Hard, Was Hard to Find

New chapter is up!

Another 4.6Ker, Jesus, I still can't believe how much I've been writing since I have little to no energy for everything.

But I really love how this came out and I'm just so excited for all the twists and turns I have planned!

Also, we are officially halfway through the story! Can you believe it?!

Please comment what you think of this story so far and what you'd like to see, getting comments help fuel my motivation!

Enjoy :)

“What the fuck? What the fuck? What the actual fuck?!”

“How is this even possible?! Like, this doesn’t make sense!”

“There’s no way this is real—is this real?!”

Too many voices were overlapping one another with too many statements and questions, in panic and disbelief and also absolute shock.

The only one who was still silent was Junior.

He couldn’t take his eyes off the screen. Off the boy that looked so much like he did when he was alive. It was like staring into a mirror. His stomach churned and he swallowed thickly to avoid losing the warm beverage he just finished drinking.

The doll swayed on his feet and had to sit down on the ground, afraid he might actually get sick or faint if he stayed standing up. Finally, he recovered from being speechless and spoke up.

“Can you all shut up?!” Junior yelled loudly and the others immediately stopped speaking. “Please, I-I need like…a minute to process what the fuck I’m seeing. So just…shut up, please.”

Their wide eyes that were filled with surprise and incredulousness, now looked concerned. “Junior, are you okay?” Lexy was the first to ask, making the doll wonder if it was possible for him to turn as pale as a ghost despite being made of plastic.

Hell, it felt like he had just seen a ghost.

“I-I really don’t know right now.” Junior could only say that, one hand on his chest to calm his pounding heart. He couldn’t even make a sarcastic comment or joke to lighten the mood.

Everything felt too real, too real for his mind to even comprehend what was happening.

“But I don’t…I don’t understand…” Jake muttered, finally tearing his eyes away from the tv screen to look at the doll, “were you in a movie and forgot to tell us about it?”

Junior managed to regain enough control to respond sarcastically. “Yes, I filmed a whole movie last year and kept it under wraps this whole time as a surprise gift for all of you.” He then smacked the hand that wasn’t on his chest right on the floor. “Of course I wasn’t in a fucking movie! Are you fucking kidding me?!”

He truly wasn’t an actor. He knew he was a decent enough liar, but not an actor.

Besides, if singing in public or even in front of his friends were terrifying to him, acting in front of a camera would give him so much stage fright he might literally have a heart attack and die again.

“Okay, why don’t we all just calm down for a bit and think over this?” Devon, always the one to bring everyone back down to earth, said and decided to take a seat next to the doll.

Or maybe his own legs were shaking too and he needed to sit before he collapsed.

“That’s it, I’m gonna look him up.” Lexy told them, pulling out her phone from her pocket in lightning speed and began typing away.

“Heh, great…stalking a guy who looks somewhat like me. Fun.” Junior muttered in a joking way, but he still sounded dazed and completely out of it.

“Somewhat like you? He looks exactly like you!” Jake exclaimed, pointing to the screen and then dropping his hand.

“That’s not true!” Junior argued. “I had a better nose than he does!”

“No offense, Jun, but he does look almost identical to how you used to look.” Devon added in, staring at the screen again. “I know that some people have doppelgänger’s out there, but this is just…insane.”

“His name’s Teo Briones.” Lexy said suddenly and didn’t even look up from her phone, obviously focused and still scrolling. “He’s fourteen, just like Junior.”

Everyone went silent.

“Junior…do you think that maybe…you have an identical twin brother?” Jake slowly asked him.

“Don’t you dare say that!” Junior snapped and pointed a finger at his cousin. “Don’t you even dare! I do not have an identical twin brother, or any kind of twin brother!”

“I mean, twins do run in your family,” Devon started in a hesitant tone, “it could be a a separated at birth situation…or like The Parent Trap.”

“No! Stop, just, stop! I don’t have a twin brother, that dude is not my twin brother, shut up!” Junior was getting defensive and angry he was sure that he was an only child.

But…what if he did have a twin?

What if his father separated them when they were newborns?

No, his mother would’ve told him…right?

Fuck, Junior didn’t know anything anymore.

Would his parents even tell him if he had a twin that they gave away for some reason?

Was his whole life some lie?

A huge lie created by his father, his mother was kind and she wouldn’t have wanted to give away one baby and kept the other, for a reason that he didn’t understand?

Was that what was going on?

Did he just accidentally find a twin brother he never knew he had?

Finally, Lexy spoke again. “Teo was born in January and Junior in September, so they’re not long lost twins.”

“OH THANK GOD!” Junior screamed out loud in total relief, three pairs of eyes now on him from his sudden volume. “Sorry, that was kind of loud. But that identical twin talk literally had me so scared for a hot minute, we don’t need anymore twins in this fucking family.”

“So you were concerned that you might actually have a twin?” Jake questioned with an eyebrow raised.

“Only because you started putting that idea in my head, I wasn’t even thinking about it to begin with.” Junior just shook his head. “You know what, forget it, because we’re not twins anyway since we were born eight months apart.”

“You guys still look so much alike. Like…it’s insane how identical you two look.” Devon said as Jake sat down on the floor beside him.

“I don’t think we look that alike.” Junior begged to differ, despite feeling like he was looking at a mirror so he tried to avoid staring at the tv screen.

Lexy raised an eyebrow at him, finally looking up, and sat down in front of the doll. “Really? Not that alike? You kidding me?” She turned her phone around to show a picture of Teo from his Instagram account. Of course she already managed to find his Instagram, Lexy was skilled like that.

Junior really didn’t want to admit it…but fuck, Teo looked so much like Junior did when he was alive. Same shaped eyes, brown hair-except it was parted more in front of his face rather than back like Junior’s-, everything.

Another exception was in the picture Lexy showed him, was that Teo was wearing a pair of circular glasses.

He looked like a fucking nerd. Thank god Junior had good eyesight.

“Okay, he looks almost exactly like me!” The doll gave up and admitted, throwing his hands up in surrender as Devon and Jake took turns looking at the photo on Lexy’s phone.

The blonde looked at the photo for a moment before looking at Junior again. “Wait…maybe this is a sign.”

He tilted his head to the side slightly and raised a painted eyebrow. “Since when do you believe in signs, Lex?”

She rolled her eyes and waved a hand nonchalantly. “Since I found out that my best friend had a doppelgänger who’s an actor. But this has to be a sign, you get it, right?”

Junior blinked at her. “…I swear to god, if you say that we might actually be related, I’m walking right out that door and never looking back.”

Lexy gave him a deadpanned expression before sighing and looking at Devon. “Dev, can you please lend Junior one of your brain cells?”

The doll gasped and gave her an offended look. “Jesus, okay. My brain is still computing with this new knowledge, give me a fuckin’ break.”

“It’s okay, Jun,” Devon told him, “but remember your ‘list of requirements’ on the person you want to possess?” He asked, using air quotes with his fingers.

It slowly began to dawn on Junior. “Oh…”

“Someone who looks close to how you used to look like?” Devon reminded him.

“Check!” Lexy exclaimed.

“Someone with brown hair and brown eyes?” Jake chipped in.

“Check!” She said again.

“Someone around your age?” Devon added in again.

“Check!”

“Someone who is super attractive?” Jake emphasized on the last two words in a dramatic tone.

“And check!” Lexy clapped her hands together and smirked at the doll. “He’s a perfect match, Juni.”

Shit, they all did have a point.

Teo truly checked off all the boxes on his little list. Junior had been picky about who to possess, but he certainly didn’t need to be picky anymore.

How could he be picky, when the perfect body was right there?

“Alright, you all make some really good points,” Junior began to say, “but we know nothing about this guy. Except that he’s an actor and is fourteen like I was. I mean, we don’t even know where he lives.”

“He lives in Los Angeles, California.” Lexy responded quickly and waved her phone around as if to say that she got her information from googling it just now.

“Great, Los Angeles, California. Do you know his exact address?” Junior asked her.

She paused, smacking her lips together before shaking her head. “No.”

“Then what? We take a trip to a completely different state from New Jersey, literally across the U.S. map, and knock on very single door in LA before finding the right one?”

Lexy gave him a fake smile. “You know, as much as I find your sarcasm hilarious at times, right now it’s definitely not appreciative.”

Junior shrugged his shoulders and moved his hands upward. “I’m just being realistic, Lexy!”

“No, you’re being pessimistic!” She argued back, shaking her head.

“Okay, chill out.” Devon interrupted them, knowing that an actual argument might ensue between the ex-couples. “Junior is being pessimistic, totally. But he is right. We don’t know his address or where to even begin finding him.”

Jake nodded and decided to speak up as well. “Yeah, and LA is huge. Even if we somehow did manage to convince our guardians to let us go to another state, there is a tiny chance that we’ll be able to find Teo anyway.”

Lexy huffed and scowled, obviously not wanting to give up. “I’ll figure something out.” She insisted, standing up and walking out of the living room to the kitchen.

Junior let out a loud and long sigh, rubbing his forehead with one hand in a futile attempt to alleviate the pressure. “Can someone please turn the tv off, it’s making me nauseous.”

Devon complied, getting up to grab the remote and turned it off while Jake nudged the doll’s shoulder with the back of his hand lightly. “Are you already getting sick of your own face?” He joked in an attempt to probably make Junior feel better and he could make some quip back.

It didn’t work, the doll still didn’t move his hand and had no reaction to the comment. Jake realized it and immediately grew serious. “You okay, Jun-Jun?”

Junior shrugged again. “I don’t know,” he answered truthfully, “it’s…a lot to process. I know I should be, like…happy that I found someone that looks almost exactly as I did when I was alive but…it’s too much right now. It feels almost…overwhelming. I don’t know.”

“It’s okay, Junior. I understand why you feel so overwhelmed.” Devon said as he sat down beside Junior again. “This whole thing is…weird. For sure. And you’re possessing a doll, but this is still something strange for us, so that’s saying something.” He chuckled a little and it earned just a ghost of a smile from the doll.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Junior said after a moment, still rubbing his forehead but looked up at his best friend and cousin, “but it honestly just feels like something is taunting me. Like, okay, someone who looks so much like me is out there. But I have a better chance at getting struck by lightning than to meet an actor who could easily play me in a movie.”

“It’d be a really cool movie though.” Devon said, giving his best friend a playful smile.

The doll raised an eyebrow. “Ah, yes. A movie about a cross-country star who hated running but was willing to do anything for his father just to make him proud, has his entire life fall apart, listens to a possessed murderous doll because he was lonely, kills his own father, and then dies by said possessed murderous doll. That deserves an academy award.”

Jake snorted loudly at the incredibly accurate description of Junior’s life. “We should really pitch that idea, it sounds really good.”

“God, you two have such dark humors.” Devon groaned, now looking like he was the one about to have a migraine, and the cousins laughed.

Well, Junior was starting to feel better. Making dark jokes with Jake certainly always helped, but it was nice having his friends by his side.

Lexy suddenly came back into the room, phone clutched tightly in her hand. “Junior, when’s the last time you talked to Tiffany?”

The doll squinted, definitely not expecting that question. “Uhhh, yesterday. During dinner. Why?”

“And she didn’t, I don’t know…say something to you that was pretty important that you should’ve mentioned to us?”

“Not…really? Lexy, what are you even talking about right now?” He asked her in confusion.

What Lexy said next was spoken slowly while turning her phone to face him. “It seems that Tiffany might’ve forgotten to mention to you that she is going to be filming a movie…in Hackensack…with Teo Briones.”

Junior froze, his blue eyes wide as he quickly read the bit of the article that was showing on his friend’s phone. Sure enough, ‘Jennifer Tilly’ was filming a new movie right in their town, with his identical twin that definitely wasn’t his twin.

What in the actual fuck?

He didn’t say anything for a long moment. No one did. Finally, Junior started laughing.

Hysterical, almost insane giggles were spilling from his lips and now they were all staring at him in concern. If Junior thought about it too much, he would’ve noticed that his new laugh sounded quite a bit like Tiffany’s.

“J-Jake, can I borrow your phone for a minute?” He asked through his laughter, vibrating with a mixture of disbelief in anger. Jake was quick to give him his phone, probably in an attempt to not piss him off, and the doll walked away into the kitchen with it.

Junior dialed the number he had already had memorized after so long, putting the phone to his ear and hearing it ring before she finally answered.

“Jun-Jun! Hi!” Tiffany’s high-pitched voice said in excitement and it usually would bring a natural smile to Junior’s face, but he was on a mission.

“Hey, Tiff, how’s it going?” He asked, sounding as casual as he could.

“Oh, just been really busy. I hope we can see each other soon, there is a lot to talk about! How have you been?”

“Just peachy. Went for a walk, had some hot chocolate, found out that I have a doppelgänger and that you’re filming a movie with him right in Hackensack!” Junior spoke slowly, his voice raising a bit.

He was greeted with silence over the phone before she let out a small chuckle. “Well…I did just say that there was a lot I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Tiffany, what the fuck?!” He exclaimed. “You didn’t think that this was something you should’ve told me sooner? I mean, you’re making a movie with a guy who looks exactly like I did! In my town!”

“I figured it was something that would be better for you to hear in person!” Tiffany defended herself. “I mean, I can tell that this is pretty shocking for you. And I also did want it to be a surprise.”

“A surprise? Ha! Well, I sure as hell was surprised! My heart is still racing, I think I’m gonna have a heart attack.” Junior shook his head, running a hand through his dark brown hair.

“I know, I’m sorry for not telling you soon,” Tiffany apologized, “I think maybe you four should come over to the hotel. This might be a pretty long conversation. And I could bake chocolate chip cookies!”

“You know how hard it will be to convince the others to go over there?”

“They still don’t trust me?”

“Oh absolutely not.” Junior replied truthfully. “But I’ll figure something out. I’ll convince them and then you have a lot of explaining to do.”

“I know, hun,” she cooed and it relaxed the doll a little more, “I’ll see you soon, okay, Junbug?”

He sighed loudly. “I’m gonna kill Nica for starting that, no one’s called me fucking Junbug since I was fucking six.” He grumbled in annoyance.

Tiffany laughed. “I’m sure you’ll try, sweetface.” She said before hanging up the phone.

Junior took a deep breath and released it, exhaling as long as he could before walking back to the others in the living room. “C’mon, get an Uber, we’re going to see Tiffany and Nica.” He said casually and tossed Jake his phone.

“I’m sorry, what?!” Jake almost exclaimed after just barely managing to catch his phone.

“You heard me. We’re gonna meet both of them at Tiffany’s hotel. So let’s go!” Junior repeated, even clapping his plastic hands together for extra measure.

“No. Definitely not. She’ll kill us!” Lexy said with wide eyes.

The doll rolled his eyes. “She’s not going to kill your guys, I mean it.”

“Look, I get that you trust her and all…but she literally had me tied up and gagged to a chair in a house that was about to explode.” Devon reminded him.

Junior shifted from one foot to the other. “Okay, she totally didn’t make the best first impression…but she obviously has some plan involving my doppelgänger and it’s a lot better to get this over with in person than over the phone.” He looked over at the trio. “So could you guys please trust me enough to go to the hotel? Please?”

The others were quiet for a moment, obviously still on edge and not trusting this before Jake looked at his boyfriend. “Dev, do you still have your taser on you, just in case?”

“I never leave the house without it anymore.” Devon replied seriously.

Junior blinked in surprise. “Wait, you have a ta—you know what, we’ll talk about that later,” he shook his head and looked at his ex-girlfriend, “so…what do you say, Lex?”

Lexy huffed, not wanting to give in…but she wasn’t the only one who knew how to give him a pouty look to get him to surrender.

The doll knew too.

And that was exactly what he did. He pouted, widened his blue eyes as much as he could, and batted his eyelashes innocently at her.

She sighed loudly, stomping her foot before opening up the Uber app on her phone. “You’re lucky you’re cute, Juni.”

And that’s how they ended up getting an Uber to the hotel Tiffany was still staying at, all of them being dead silent. Normally Junior was the one not talking, due to having to pretend that he was a normal doll, but the others weren’t speaking either.

Maybe they really were nervous or scared to finally meet Tiffany since they were so convinced that she was going to kill them and chop up their bodies into tiny pieces to dispose of them.

Or maybe it was because they couldn’t talk about possessing an actor that was identical to a dead guy in front of their Uber driver.

Both did make a lot of sense.

Once they were out of the car, Junior could tell that they really were nervous. Devon was fidgeting and rocking himself on the balls of his feet, Lexy’s arms were trembling around the doll, and Jake had that stupid constipated look on his face that he always got when he was anxious or scared or both.

He really hoped Tiffany wouldn’t frighten them by saying or doing anything, because they might literally run away.

“Guys, just chill out. It’s gonna be fine.” Junior said to the others quietly without fully leaving doll mode.

“Easy for you to say. Tiffany obviously favors you a lot more than us for certain reasons.” Jake grumbled and Junior knew what the “certain reasons” were without him needing to say it.

Tiffany liked Junior because he was capable of killing.

He had only killed one person, his father, but maybe that still placed him pretty high on her favorite list.

“Whatever. Let’s go, it’s show time.” Junior told them and after another thirty seconds, his friends remembered how to move their legs and slowly walked inside the hotel.

Tiffany was already waiting in the lobby as soon as they walked in, the others immediately freezing. She grinned excitedly and waved at them-or maybe it was just at Junior, he didn’t know-, quickly making her way over to them.

“Hi kids!” She said with her infamous grin, bending down a little so she was at eye level with the doll. “Well, hello, Junior! Love the new look!” Junior shot her a quick wink, being as still as he could since they weren’t alone in the lobby.

Tiffany straightened herself up and looked at Devon. “Devon, so nice to see you again!” She said as if the last time they had met wasn’t when Devon was about to die, his best friend giving her a tiny but shaky smile.

The blonde woman looked at his ex and cousin, smiling at them. “And you must be Lexy and Jake! Jun-Jun’s talked so much about you both!” They both still looked uncomfortable and Junior felt Lexy’s grip around him tighten.

Tiffany clapped her hands together. “Come! Come, come, come, we have a lot to talk about!” She giggled and quickly turned around, sauntering off toward her hotel room.

Lexy sighed loudly. “If we die, I will make sure my ghost comes back to haunt you for eternity, Junior.” She muttered under her breath and started walking alongside his friends, making the doll snort quietly.

They walked slowly and hesitantly, cautiously looking around as if Chucky himself would pop out from the corner and try to stab them. Then again, that was always a possibility, since he was certain that there were plenty of other Chucky dolls still out there.

But that was a problem they would worry about for another day.

When they were alone in the hallway, Tiffany turned around to face the others. “Sweetface! C’mon, gimme a hug!” She said to Junior with her arms out.

Lexy held the doll a little closer to her so he broke out of doll mode and looked at her. “It’s okay, Lex. You can let me go.” He reassured her and after a moment, she passed him to the older woman.

Tiffany held Junior and hugged him close, grinning at him. “Oh, Jun-Jun, it’s been so long! I missed you!”

The doll chuckled a little and patted her shoulder. “I missed you too, Tiff, a lot.” He admitted, sending her a big smile.

She giggled and walked toward her door, the human kids walking carefully behind her and pressing themselves close to one another as if that was their way of protecting each other.

If anything, it’d just be easier to kill them. If Tiffany had a sword, she could through all three of them at once.

But Junior didn’t need to worry them anymore, so he would just keep his mouth shut.

Tiffany hummed under her breath and opened the door with one hand, the other arm still around the door. “Nica! Junbug’s back and we have guests!” She exclaimed as she walked inside.

Junior let out a long and loud sigh, hearing his so-called friends giggling quietly. That fucking Junbug nickname was never leaving now.

Damnit, Nica.

Speak of the devil-rather the exact opposite, actually-, Nica wheeled herself toward them. “Hey, Junior. You weren’t kidding when you said you got a makeover, you look great!”

Despite how annoyed the doll was at her for spreading that childish nickname, he still smiled at her. “Thanks, Nica. You look better now that you aren’t at risk of being possessed by a serial killer.”

Nica snorted and rolled her eyes but was still smiling. “Thanks,” she looked at the trio that were still being huddled together, “these must be your friends, right?”

Tiffany carefully placed Junior on the ground and he stood beside her, turning his head to look at the others. “Yeah! Jake, Lexy, Devon, this is Nica.” He looked back at Nica. “Nica, this…this is my family.”

It was the first time he said that, to say that the amazing people who accepted him back into their lives and forgave him after everything were his family. They truly were. Some by blood, some not. But he didn’t care.

He loved those idiots and would give his life again to protect them.

Besides, it did soften them a bit because when Junior looked back at them, he could see them relax more from his words.

It also looked almost like Jake was about to cry, so he made a mental note to tease his cousin a little for getting soft later.

“Well, it’s nice to finally meet you all.” Nica told them with a genuine smile.

The brunette woman seemed different than when the doll last saw her. She seemed a little more calm, even happy. He supposed getting a murderer out of someone’s body could make them feel better.

And maybe Tiffany was treating her good too, because she didn’t seem as tense as before a couple weeks ago.

Junior walked back toward the others, standing in front of his cousin, just as the blonde woman spoke. “Come on, why don’t we all sit down so we can talk!”

Whatever progress the doll thought they were making was obviously wrong, because his friends didn’t move. “I won’t bite!” Tiffany added in, sounding amused.

“No, but she will stab.” Jake randomly said, quite rudely.

Without another thought, Junior pulled his arm back and brought his elbow down as hard as he could on Jake’s kneecap.

His cousin immediately yelled out in pain, stumbling back and grabbing his knee. He could hear at least three voices yelling the doll’s name and a familiar high-pitched giggle, but Junior pointed a tiny finger at Jake. “Don’t be fucking rude!”

Jake stared back at him incredulously, still clutching his knee. “Are you fucking kidding me, Junior?!”

“No! Don’t be rude or I’ll elbow the other one!” He threatened, glaring at his cousin.

Lexy let out a quick laugh before she stopped herself. “I-I’m sorry, it’s just…Junior’s been threatening your kneecaps ever since he got here…and he actually did it, I didn’t think he would, but holy shit.” She said to Jake, still holding in her laughter while he stared at her in disbelief.

“Junior, play nice.” Tiffany said once she stopped giggling, obviously entertained by the show Junior gave her.

The doll huffed. “Fine…” he looked back at his cousin with a smirk, “but I still like to play dirty.”

“Fuck you, Junior!” Jake flipped him off, standing up straight fully but leaned more on the leg that the doll didn’t injure.

Tiffany propped her hands on her hips and raised both of her eyebrows. “Do you kids want to hear my plan or not?” She asked them, waiting on them to stop bickering.

They all went quiet, silently agreeing to listen, so Junior took a deep breath before turning to face the blonde woman.

“What’s the plan, Tiff?”

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lover-of-trash-and-people · 4 years ago

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shadow and bone rewatch s1e6 while drinking mid-range scotch

I wish I have a face that is as unlined and pretty as Ben Barnes' when I'm 39

Arken you dirty dirty liar

the face Alek is making at his lies that he knows are lies firstly because he knows the art of lying so well and also because he can read people very well

okay Ivan is kind of a bad bitch with his smirk at Arken's lies

alek's eyes narrowing and his little smile when Arken says 'im an entertainer' bitch I love this show

*grabs hand, pulls up sleeve, and discovers Arken's hand is full of marks indicating successful passages through the fold* 'well, that is certainly entertaining' I love this man with all my heart

him screaming is so fucking hot, is that weird for me to say

Nina being the Darkling's spy is quite interesting

Ben giving the Darkling crazy eyes when Arken owns up to his guilt is so cool

also wtf is Arken a fool trying to negotiate with possibly the strongest man in the world

kind of loved the darkness literally eating him

also love Alina learning to use her powers better when she is alone than when she is with anyone else, wish we got to see the cut in this season as per the books, ah can't have everything I guess

the camera pan to Jesper's gun at his side, amazing

god Jessie is literally so beautiful I need to see her bring Alina to the peak of her power so bad

netflix you better renew this series to let the plot run to its completion

HOW THE FUCK DID THEY CAST THE CROWS SO PERFECTLY

INEJ FUCKING TREMBLING JUST THE TINIEST BIT AS SHE BOWS SLIGHTLY TO ALINA SGSHSBSJJSJSSJ MY TWO QUEENS

'And where is my Summoner?' my little Darklina heart ouchie I really wish you hadn't used and manipulated her like this Alek it was incredibly fucked up especially considering you actually caught feelings

'Ivan and I won't fail you' oh Fedyor my baby, my angel, you don't deserve what is coming

Helnik literally recreating Titanic lmao stop this is a joke

I too would jump off the raft if I came to consciousness to see a gorgeous woman with magical powers with her hand on my back

omg but why is ryevost so pretty though

'I know exactly how she felt. The King's soldiers treated me the same way... I'm not myself today.' why must you do this to me, why must you fuel my darklina soulmates agenda idiocy

I don't quite think I have a problem with the Zoya Darkling relationship as much as I have a problem with the line they chose to reveal it to use with.

my drink's over and I don't know if I should have another, considering that it's 7 am

the tenderness with which he looks at Zoya and takes her hand and then when he says 'I shall relax when I have Alina' makes me believe more that the man that is reduced to tears time and again in front of Alina could in fact be the master manipulator I know him to be

god I can't wait for Zoya's character arc

'I speak six languages, it's part of my job' why is Nina literally the fucking coolest

Alina blinding the oprichniki was so hot, I can't wait to see more of her power and her ruthlessness

I know I've said it before but good god is Jessie Mei Li gorgeous

HER LITTLE SMILE AMONGST ALL THE PANIC AS SOON AS SHE SEES MAL, THE AUDACITY OF THIS SHOW TO MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAY

THE SCORE COMING IN AT THE RIGHT MOMENT, THEIR HANDS MEETING, HER SMILE AGAIN DHDHSBSNSNSNSNAN IM IN PAIN

REALLY?! YOU'RE GONNA GO DIRECTLY FROM MALINA TO HELNIK WITH NO CONCERN FOR MY HEART?

I simply cannot get over Calahan's accent lmao it's really funny

'im not afraid of you' he says to the insanely gorgeous girl with magic

HIM HANGING HIS HEAD IN DEFEAT TO INDICATE NINA HAS MADE VALID POINTS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND I CAN'T BREATHE

'You're just a man. Like all the others.' she says and then forgets her train of thought looking at him as he strips. god I love this

not sleeping all night and then scotch is not a good idea, I think

'I promise not to ravish you' 'I hate the way you talk' her hand on his chest, his hand gripping hers, my fucking heart feels like it's about to explode

good god these shooting locations and sets are so beautiful

Alina throwing the flask at Mal and Mal going 'OI!' I fucking can't, I guess I am a

simp for childhood friends to lovers, give me more of that banter and childhood friend energy, I am thriving

wow it literally seems like they took book! Mal sl*tshaming book! Alina and made show! Alina sl*tshame show! Mal, hmm, interesting

'They would have split us up!' MAL'S LITTLE SMILE AT THIS, and the 'You wrote me letters?' Mal's nod, the Malina yearning stare, the Malina hug, 'thank you for finding me' 'always. I'll always find you.' NO MALINA YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU HAVE MADE ME ABSOLUTELY FUCKING FERAL

I understand they had to split time between my ravkan babies and the crows and that is why there were several aspects that were sort of not reflected on enough but Alina's training at the Little Palace, Alina's cut, Mal's personality, a teensy bit of backstory for the crows, maybe one lockpicking scene from my boy Kaz

random note: we have far too many idols and paintings and pictures and whatnot of Hindu deities in our house apart from the specially designed temple (we are Hindus, so maybe it's not that weird but it's a little weird)

Kaz's cane is a literal star, it's so beautiful my heart wants to explode

'Why would Heleen get the Crow Club?' *literally fucking gets up and walks aways instead of answering the fucking question* I LITERALLY CAN'T BREATHE I'M LOSING MY MIND

'I know that voice' WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO MAKE ME FIGHT FOR PLATONIC SHIPS IN FANDOMS

'We won't starve' omg get you someone who packs food for you when you go on the run together hiding from your ex who wants to capture you and use your powers as a weapon against your consent

Mal looking surprised at her summoning sunlight, Alina looking cautiously at him waiting for him to disapprove or run for the hills in fear or smth like that, 'I'm sorry it took me this long to see you... But I see you now' my dumb little shipper trash heart ouch

they really said we're gonna feed you this part asian couple as the protagonists in this show in 2021 and guess what I'm eating it's really tasty I'm very satisfied as a south asian

NINA'S LITTLE SMILE WHEN MATTHIAS WAKES UP WITH HIS ARM AROUND HER

'I can feel how much you hate sleeping next to me' 👀👀👀 BITCH SAID IMMA SPILL THE TEA AND THEN SHE DID

it's 8 am and guess what I'm getting another drink my parents have c*vid and are in govt qu*r*ntine centres there is nobody to supervise or stop me

I too say 'Why do you have to say things like that?' to my pretty crush when she flirts with me

Nina smiling at Matthias bragging about his conservative ways is my aesthetic

'No, it's not natural for someone to be as stupid as he is tall and yet, oh, there you stand.' MY FUCKING QUEEN

Matthias laughing uncontrollably at Nina saying something which isn't even that funny is a whole ass vibe

Kaz Brekker saying 'The Black General' ooh fuck yeah

YESSSS STEP OUT OF THAT CARRIAGE ALL SEXY BLACK GENERAL

isn't alcohol supposed to like kill germs? well, the amount in my system definitely will

I love my crows so much (always but this time particularly for setting that alarm in the stolen carriage)

ooh Polina recognising Inej by the knife yesss let's go writers

this Ivan Jesper showdown is all I needed from life and yet did not know about

Ivan taking off his cloak was, um, sexier than I wanted it to be

I just realised how thirsty I am going to sound in this post

'Has no one told you that keftas are Fabrikator-made and resistant to bullets, hmm?' 'Oh, I do love a challenge' LITERALLY EVERYTHING

im sorry to be pointing out flaws in a perfect show and adaptation but the line delivery on 'You robbed me of my brother, now I'll rob you of your life' from Polina was kind of weak

'You're a-' *gets knocked out with the back of a gun* LMAO we love the hints

got excited at the prospect of kaz v. zoya until I realised they will not be letting the opportunity of kaz v. darkling pass up

my goodness is Amita Suman a splendid actress

I AM NOT KIDDING WHEN I TELL YOU I SQUEALED WHEN I SAW DARKLES EMERGE OUT OF THE SHADOWS IN FRONT OF MY BABY BOY KAZ

THERE BEING ACTUAL FEAR OR ATLEAST DOUBT ON KAZ'S FACE, THE LITTLE BACK STEPS AS

THE DARKLING WALKS TOWARDS HIM, AAAAH I CAN'T

THE DARKLING STOPPING AT KAZ SAYING 'SHE FLED ON HER OWN' AND THE HINT OF TEARS THAT WE SEE IN HIS EYES

'IT WAS PRETTY CLEAR SHE WASN'T INTERESTED IN BEING A CAPTIVE ANYMORE' YOU TELL HIM, KING

*ACTUAL FUCKING TEARS IN THE DARKLING'S EYES AS THE SHADOWS APPROACH*

NOT ME YOWLING LIKE A HYENA THAT THIS CHILD OUTSMARTED THE MOST POWERFUL MAN IN EXISTENCE WITH A FAKE MAGIC TRICK

'Are you sure you added enough cloves?' literally warranting a wide ass smile from my queen Alina making my entire fucking day

for some reason, no matter how much I push it from my mind, Ben Barnes dressed up as the Darkling, dancing to 'push it' keeps coming to mind, it's absolutely ridiculous

I got somehow distracted with interviews but good things came out of that as it gave my body the time for the booze to kick in

and I would just like to say that I love Leigh for all she has given me

Alina is so fucking compassionate, I have no much love for her. I can feel her guilt and her sorrow as Mal talks of Mikhail and Dubrov

don't particularly like how the stag plotline is woven in, could have been executed better

'You're afraid you might start to like me?' *flaps furs like a bird's wings in frustration*

'I DO like you' my fucking heart you idiots

the sexual tension is so palpable and the moment is so intimate I simply cannot

OMG SHE FUCKING FELL

that moment where you think he might let her fall despite having read the books and he doesn't and he tells her his name I- <3

YOU DARE TRANSITION FROM A HELNIK SCENE TO A KANEJ SCENE YOU REALLY HAVE NO MERCY FOR MY HEART HUH

people have talked about this endlessly but Freddie's little jaw tic after he says Inej because Inej is wounded and he can't physically bring himself to help her I fucking cannot

THE MUSIC PICKING UP AS KAZ LOOKS TO THE DARKLING'S CARRIAGE I CAN'T WITH THIS SHOW ANYMORE

and now for one of my favorite scenes in television and cinematic history, David Kostyk throwing a book at Jesper Fahey without even knowing who he is merely because he opens the door of his carriage and says hello to him before getting knocked out by Kaz Brekker while trying to run away

Immediately followed by another, the scene with David Kostyk raising his finger to put forward his point in front of the Darkling and the Darkling trying to let him know he doesn't have to before obliging is one of my favourite scenes in the world

also sir please stop being devastatingly attractive in your glorious appearance with your face and your black kefta and cloak because all that comes to mind is Ayesha Erotica's Emo Boy and I'm afraid that is terribly inappropriate.

'No, you look great.' *literally looks down from embarrassment or blushing* MALINA RIGHTS?

THE LOOK ON THE DARKLING'S FACE BEFORE HE SAYS 'NO ORDINARY TRACKER, NO ORDINARY GIRL' BITCH IM OUT OF BREATH

'ORPHANS OF KERAMZIN, REUNITED.' 'ADORABLE.' HE FUCKING SNEERED IRL I FUCKING CANNOT

GOD IT'S SO GOOD

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robertsheehanownsmyass · 4 years ago

Note

heyy!! can i request a klaus x reader smutty fic please 👀👀 thank you!

The End Justifies the Means

Klaus Hargreeves x Fem!Reader Klaus surprises reader with a steamy hike in Brazil. Little funny, a LOT smutty, a little cute. Rated M

Holy hell, were all the bugs the size of airplanes in this place?

Another insect buzzed in your ear, and you swatted it away in irritation. “Fuck,” you panted. “I swear, if another pterodactyl tries to eat my face, I’m going to scream.”

You could hear Klaus chuckle even though he was several paces ahead of you. “This is called ‘broadening one’s horizons’ darling.” He paused and looked back at you; his short curls only just beginning to wilt around the edges from the sweat that was starting to appear at his hairline and neck. “And I thought you were the adventurous type.” He flashed you one of his trademarked grins, and you scowled.

“I’m all for adventure, but this…is…ridiculous…” you swatted another bug. It seemed the more you perspired, the more insects swarmed you. “How much longer is it?”

“Oh, quit complaining,” he sighed. “It won’t be much farther, and this little hike came very highly recommended.”

You sighed and steeled yourself. Yes, you were born and raised in the city. That didn’t mean you were completely oblivious to the great outdoors, which you loved. You had been on plenty of hiking and camping trips. But this was Brazil; it was an entirely different ballgame. First of all; the heat was insane. It wasn’t so bad when you were lounging on the beach by the ocean, sipping a cold beer or a frozen cocktail. But out here in the rainforest, with the humidity slowly evaporating your energy and those god forsaken insects trying to suck your blood, it left something to be desired.

“Klaus,” you called out, trying to diminish the irritation in your voice. He was, after all, clearly having the time of his life. As uncomfortable as you were, you didn’t want to ruin that for him. He paused again, and looked back at you. “Can I have a swig from that canteen of yours?” He smiled and backtracked the short distance to where you were standing. You had a small moment to reflect on how out of balance the two of you were just then; he with the backpack and the air of the adventurer, and your sorry-self with the ridiculous bandanna wrapped around the top of your head to help keep the sweat and insects at bay– flushed and sweating buckets.

“Ah, thank you,” you smiled at him gratefully, as you gulped the cool water. You fixed him with a playful glare. “This better be worth it, mister.”

He smirked at you. “I think you’ll be pleased.” He turned and started to walk again, calling over his shoulder, “we won’t get there if we keep stopping. Hurry up!”

You bit off a few internal expletives and soldiered on. You were on a small trail in what could easily be described as pure jungle, about two miles from your hotel. You took this trip because you had so desperately needed time away. Both of you had been run completely ragged with the complications your lives entailed. Once there were no more proverbial fires to extinguish, the two of you had agreed to clear two weeks just for yourselves, and here you were. A romantic getaway in Rio de Janeiro; sipping rum drinks and getting massages and shagging on 800 thread-count sheets. So why were you huffing and puffing through the jungle? Well, Klaus was excited about it, so you agreed. After all, who could refuse Klaus when he was excited about something?

You walked and sweated and made your best effort; doing your best not to trip over any roots. After about another twenty minutes, just when you were about to ask for some more water, Klaus stopped abruptly, holding up his hand to signal for you to wait. He trotted forward a few paces as if to check on something, and then quickly doubled back to you, smiling.

“It’s just up ahead,” he grinned, taking your hand. The two of you walked a short distance and around a small bend in the trail. When you rounded the corner, you were completely stunned by the sight before you.

Before you stood the most beautiful waterfall you had ever seen. It wasn’t particularly large, but what made it so breathtaking was the intimacy of the place. The waterfall fell perhaps fifty feet at most, but was surrounded by vines, rocks, and incredibly lovely flowers. The pool at its base was a nearly perfect basin, and everything about it was lush, vibrant, and yours. The place was quite literally, all yours. For the entire two plus miles you had walked, you didn’t see another person.

You felt Klaus’s arm around you and looked up at him. He was positively glowing with pride, looking down at you. “Do you like it?”

“Oh Klaus,” you said. “Klaus, I just– I’m sorry I whined so much on the way over. This was worth it…this is amazing.”

He grinned, and wrapped his arms around you. “I so hoped you would like it. I wanted to take you someplace really special. Not a restaurant or anything; someplace really amazing. So I asked the best guy I could think of– the bartender at the hotel.”

You laughed. “Well of course they would know all the best places.”

He laughed with you. “Yes! Not only that, but he assured me that nobody would bother us if we came back here today. So…here we are.”

You looked back at the incredible vista before you, then back up to his angelic, hopeful face. “You did well, Klaus. I feel like an ass for complaining so much on the way here.”

He stepped back a few paces, unshouldering his pack. He let it fall to the ground with a soft thump. His eyes gleamed as he looked at you. “I figured you wouldn’t like the means, “he smirked at you, “but I hoped the end would make it all worthwhile.”

You felt a flush wash over you. “Whatever do you mean, Klaus?” you smirked playfully back at him.

He stepped toward you, wrapping his arms around you again. “Darling, doesn’t the end usually justify the means?”

Before you could answer, his lips were on yours, catching you off guard. You grabbed the back of his head and answered his kiss, pressing your lips into his forcefully. You opened your mouths to each other, and your tongues danced and probed, gaining passion.

Before the moment could get any more heated, he broke off, suddenly.

“Not yet, love. Let’s refresh ourselves. Fancy a dip?” He cocked his right eyebrow at you questioningly. You smiled, all the blood rushing to your extremities.

“Well, as it happens, I am awfully hot…” you smiled knowingly at him. You stepped back and pulled your tank top over your head in one quick motion. You paused, allowing himself to drink you in. He ran his tongue along his lips briefly, and stepped to you, grabbing the waistband of your shorts. You stepped back, smiling impishly.

“Uh uh, you first.” You pointed at his chest. He smiled resignedly and pulled his tee shirt over his head much in the same way you did. You took a moment to appreciate his chiseled form before he resumed his previous ministrations. “Now, my turn.”

He quickly unbuttoned your shorts and unzipped the fly before pushing them down a little roughly. You stepped out of them, revealing nothing but black panties which matched your bra. He reached around you and unhooked your bra with ease. Again, he paused to survey you. He reached one hand up to cup a breast, and kneaded it softly before you stepped back and, more breathlessly this time, said, “nope, you still have too many clothes on.”

He chuckled devilishly and allowed you to grasp the elastic waistband his shorts. Down they went, and he was left in nothing more than leopard print briefs. You took a moment to appreciate his incredibly beautiful form. He was tall and lean like the Adonis of mythology, or better yet—the statue of David; beautiful and perfect. You could see the shape of his cock straining through the relatively thin material of his briefs. Never, ever would you tire of looking at him. And here he was, with you, looking at you the same way.

Fueled by your happiness and desire, you pulled off your panties in one quick tug, and turned toward the waterfall’s pool. “Come on, catch me,” you panted, as you ran toward the edge and dove into the pool. You had only just surfaced when you heard the answering splash. You swam toward the waterfall, grabbing onto a small rock just near the point where the falls connected with the pool. You turned, gasping, laughing, and saw him pop out of the water just in front of you. You laughed again and grabbed his shoulders, and his arms grabbed your waist from under the water. You both laughed as you held each other; completely invigorated by the cool water and the absolute perfection of the moment.

You kissed again, deeply and passionately. You wrapped your legs around his waist and lifted yourself out of the water to give yourself better leverage, and kissed him thoroughly. His tongue probed your lips, and your mouth opened to his. You explored the depths of his mouth with your tongue as his hand gripped the back of your head, fingers tangled in your hair. You enjoyed this passionate exchange for several moments before he broke away and suddenly grabbed you, lifting you from the water.

He moved to the edge and set you on the little rock that you had swum to near the spot where the falls met the pool. As he stood, he was able to rise out of the water in front of you. You looked at him, gasping.

“Tell me how much you want me,” he said, as he spread your legs apart and began to massage your clit. “Tell me.”

“Oh Klaus,” you gasped. “I want you. Don’t stop touching me.”

“Tell me more,” he growled, and he slipped a finger inside you. You were so wet.

“Klaus! Klaus– you’re so hot, and your fingers feel so good,” you moaned.

He inserted another finger, and probed your depths whilst rubbing your clit with his thumb. His mouth was on yours again, and he caught your bottom lip in his teeth, sucking, biting. He hooked his fingers, hitting your inner g-spot, and you cried out. “Klaus, please…”

Your back was arched and your head thrown back in ecstasy, so you were not entirely prepared when you felt his mouth on your sex, replacing his thumb on your clit. You cried out again as he sucked and licked, all while pumping into you with his fingers, driving you into a frenzy. You grabbed fistfulls of his hair as he licked you to a mindblowing climax; wave after wave hitting you as you cried out.

After you subsided, he lifted his head and winked at you. “It’s a good thing we have this place all to ourselves. Did I ever tell you how loud you are?”

“Shut up,” you panted, lying back along the rock wall, the spray of the waterfall enveloping you. He chuckled and began to turn away. You stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. “Now now, we’re not finished yet, are we?”

You slid off the rock and pushed him up against the rock wall. His cock was standing just above the waterline, at full attention.

“Allow me,” you said, and you bent to the task. He let out a small, “ Oh,” as you put your lips on the head of his cock. You put your other hand at the base of his impressive shaft, massaging up and down as you sucked. You took his length the best you could; his tip bumping the back of your throat before you drew it out again. He moaned as you pulled and sucked, increasing your pace until he was gasping for breath. “Oh my love,” he panted, and you felt his balls twitch as his climax neared. “Oh babe, I’m gonna come…” Before he could, you released his cock from your mouth with an audible pop, and quickly turned and swam off, leaving him standing there in hip deep water; chest heaving.

“Where…where you…” was all he could manage between pants, and you looked back at him, grinning mischievously. “Did you think this game was over? Catch me!” You giggled and submerged, swimming toward the other side of the pool. You came up at the other side, in a place that was covered with vines and other vegetation. You were beginning to contemplate whether you should get out of the water when Klaus was on you, half-laughing and half-growling.

“Got you,” he breathed as he lifted you out onto the edge of the pool. He stood up, matching your height. His eyes glittered as he pushed you back and spread your legs, exposing you. You propped yourself up on your elbows and watched as he gripped the head of his cock and positioned it at your entrance, its lips swollen with arousal. He put your thighs over his shoulders, and turned his head and gave one of them a quick bite. You jumped a little, then giggled. He put his hands on the rocks on either side of your body, and pushed his full length into you. You both gasped as his cock filled you, stretching you, and he withdrew almost completely before shoving himself back in. You forced your head up to look at him as he began thrusting steadily, and his eyes lifted to meet yours. You locked eyes as he pumped; fucking you, rocking your hips, and you cried out in ecstasy. “Klaus, oh god,” Your hips bucked as he slammed you, your skin slapping audibly at the contact. You raked your nails down his back as he pounded into you, and you felt your climax building. “Don’t stop!” You cried, and he thrust again and again and again, your orgasm arriving full-force, blackening your vision. Wave after wave of pleasure overcame you, and he moaned. He tensed up as his own climax hit him, and he spurted his seed into your depths.

He lay on top of you, limbs completely spent. You panted together, and you twined your fingers in his curls. After a short while, you sat up, and cradled his head against your breast, stroking his face.

“Well that was something,” he breathed, and lifted his head to meet your eyes. There was so much tenderness in his expression that you thought your heart would break from the joy of it. He chuckled.

“What are you laughing at?” you said, smiling.

“Didn’t I tell you the end would justify the means?”

@joz-stankovich @spaceclone-mom

#klaus hargreeves x reader #robert sheehan character fic #the umbrella academy fic #love stories event #klaus hargreeves smut

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bionicdragonguardian1 · 4 years ago

Text

Voltron Rewritten Defender (1/8)

Also known as My Almost Raging Bitch List for this Goddamn Disastrous Disappointment of a Show

I binged all 8 seasons in under a week, so believe me when I say almost nothing was forgotten between seasons/episodes and I do tend to note that.

If it’s not obvious by the title, I’m planning an entire show AU. I am extremely open to people’s opinions on what I’m currently thinking and when I finally post this I’ll be open to criticism there too. If you would like to avoid seeing anything in regards to this feel free to blacklist #voltron_rewritten_defender because that’s what I’ll be using for this whole thing.

Enjoy, I guess.

Fair warning I am a multishipper, but for this show I leaned towards Klance, so if that bothers you that’s okay, I’m not going to be bashing any other ships (mainly just Dreamworks’ forced Allurance). If you think I missed something for any other ship lemme know! If you wanna have a ship discussion that’s cool too. The only other thing I can think of is that Allura’s attitude in S8 really stuck with me to the point that she bothered me throughout the entire rewatch (I was admittedly one of the people who thought she could be very Mary Sue ish when I first watched this) so that’ll show up now and again.

If you want to look at the Google Doc for the whole show, click the link, if not you can expand this post to see Season 1. I’ll be doing these in chunks, but as some of you know I do a FicRecList on one of my other accounts here @sorcerusdragonbionics so I’m gonna be alternating between that and these for the next couple days.

If you do the Google Route it’ll have you ask me for permission, this is normal and if you request it I’ll give you commenting abilities.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1t30IRJonrBFh0qvs8recf3ayGoQ0rx02y0Tg1e4NTaI/edit?usp=sharing

Key

Things I kinda wanna bitch about

Things I did genuinely enjoy and like

Rewatch Thoughts (basically what I remember from further forward and how I feel like it reflects back on earlier seasons)

Ship Talk (behold my multishipping insanity)

Things I think I’ll do in the Rewrite

Writing Notes (mainly for me or as explanation for what I’m planning)

VA and Closed Captioning Things

Other Fic Thoughts

This ended up being music commentary in S8

Season One

Problems with the Season overall:

To be honest if I hated this season I wouldn’t’ve kept watching because by the time I started S3 had just dropped

Episode 1

Here’s the deal, WHY ARE YOU SO LONG BUT SO EMPTY?!?

Yeah, nope, that’s mostly it

Fix the problem of telling instead of showing about the other Lions and remove Allura’s explanation of the Lions if possible (thank you Kross for explaining why it felt so empty- this vid is actually where I started getting the idea to actually go through with a full series AU)

DON'T RUSH THE LION INTROS

Also let the 5 introduce themselves to Allura and Coran

Also Character Drive to Complete Mission Should Be A Thing

Flesh out Paladin Personalities so that the Aris Arrival is End of Part One (making it closer to the length of E1)

Flesh out Lion intros so part 2+3 are more like full Eps without Sendak

Episode 2

75 degrees… that’s definitely in Fahrenheit, which why?

How does no one have a watch with a date on them?

“A man can be driven to do anything if a beautiful woman is just really really mean to him”

More inbetween scenes bc I can

I will accept the transformation sequence here, I’m just not going to write it

Episode 3

Please watch the use of Earth Time Slices please, because it’s confusing

I love the portrayal of PTSD in this show and I would die before I change it

Bye bye transformation sequence

Pidge’s talk with Shiro can please change

Episode 4

“I say Vol, you say Tron” will come up again if it kills me

Lance, how do you know what hotdog water and feet taste like?

I love how Coran is completely nonchalant about the fact that he’s drinking a hair tonic

Shiro, don’t bring down the mood

Goddammit Sendak, you could stay for this arc, but god I want you GONE!

Keith, having an emotion? Really?

The Pidge plot DID NOT NEED TO HAPPEN LIKE THAT!

Fight me I will change it

Or minimally change the fact that their selfish motivations are revealed to BAD and should be changed

Oh yeah, let’s not give the ONE GUY with notable homesickness a character arc around that

That moment when you realize Allura is like ‘wtf is a peanut’

Allura, don’t push it, some people don’t want to talk about it

You will have something to talk about, BIOLOGY

Decryption happens here, and next attempt to find family occurs… when?

Poor Coran, if there is anyone who was more forgotten than Lance it was him

Keith isn’t wrong, but he also doesn’t know how to say it without getting mad, which mood

Just pointing out Lance is not only smart, but selfless, tell me how he’s not the main character

My inner Shance/Klance shipper is sobbing

“Bomb fuel” mentioned here, occurs… actually it’s ok

Timelines need to be a thing!

Can I make the fight scenes more intense? Yes, I write them for my YJ Scripts. Will I? Almost definitely.

Keith with that much fire your mask should be closed because smoke inhalation is bad

Can we explain Vrepit Sa before s6?

It feels like Coran forgets that 10k years have passed under an evil empire and part of me likes it, but it hurts me

Episode 5

The Katie flashback is hurts me

I want to add Gender Identity

Can we talk about how Shiro is a nickname for Takashi Shirogane?

That’s not how an EMP works

The Coran sitting on Hunk’s shoulders with a machine gun is everything

I know the back x-ray was a joke, but I still don’t like it

Rax is an idiot, just saying

Bonding Moment!!!

Episode 6

“Intergalactic time measuring competition.”

“We had a bonding moment!”

Where is Sendak’s arm?

Fight me, Pidge’s ‘gender speech’

It will be a gender speech if it kills me

Lance, why are you acting the way you are?

“I figured” and “We were supposed to think you were a boy” ARE NOT PROPER REACTIONS!

Rolo, sometimes I want to punch you in the teeth

Lance’s boner is going to get someone killed

Lance had 4sec of logic and then Nyma brings up Keith, which ofc does him in

Let’s expand on the Komar, yeah?

Quiznack means fuck and NO ONE can tell me otherwise

Keith’s ability to fly is impressive and it’s awesome

Friendly reminder that Lance acknowledged the bonding moment

Episode 7

I LOVE the laser gun sound effects!!!

I just realized that Allura has no clue what an Acronym is

We… literally just talked about this and YOU didn’t know that Shiro, I understand the point, but seriously?

LIONS are TELEPATHIC Shiro DID NOT need to say that aloud!

I do actually like the fact that Kieth gets excited before realizing what he did

FIRE and ICE PEOPLE come on! What the hell?! You barely had to try

“Yes sir?” Keith to Shiro, what?

I love them and their cute little arguments

Left vs Right, thank you Zamber

We be lovin’ Hunay bc it’s pure as hell

Thank you Shiro for validating Hunk’s concerns

You could check a little faster, Allura

I LIVE for this scene

Was it actually Rolo?

Do they have teleporters?

Keith being weird is my favorite thing

I love good big bros who argue tradition to save their baby sis

Zarkon is a bit of a moron

THEIR LIVES ARE IN DANGER ALLURA!

They all came through different doors… how?

What if the answer was no?

I’m ok with Lance embarrassing himself when he’s cocky, some people seem to forget that

Bye transformation sequence, I explained you ONCE and that’s it

Prorock… why are you familiar?

Episode 8

I admittedly forgot that they didn’t know these things would be different

Flying fight scenes I can do, teleporting not so much

Poor Shiro he thought he had an idea and he was wrong

I love Coran’s reaction

Also NO SHIT Allura

UHHHH Pidge said that not and of the other three so how did He know?

Allura may piss me off, but I do love this speech

“Your Altean Energy”??? Coran, you’re an Altean, I’m confused.

The “Sacred Altean” thing I get, but you must be more specific cuz it makes Coran sound like he thinks he’s not a proper Altean.

Oof, angsty

Also, I know we can’t kill Allura yet, but...

I love that Hunk forgot they hadn’t formed Voltron

Bye bye transformation sequence

Ummm, they NEED to explain the Bayard Equip bc that’s… two very different things that occurred between Hunk and Keith’s Bayard Weapons

Why is this a scene? It’s not a dog. So, yeah, I’m with Keith here

Episode 9

THIS IS NOT HEALTHY ALLURA!

I just realized that this doesn’t come back until S..7? 8? Whatever, WAY too long

I can’t unhear “Training Dick”

Did they have homework on Altea?

Be still my Punk shipper heart

WHY is he SO pretty?!

Y’know, the glowing red eye is usually a bad sign

I could SO mean and hurt Keith here

That moment when you’re like 90% sure Shiro heard that somewhere

Not what haunted means Coran, but accurate

Why could Lance see Alfor for a second?

I too would like the answer to “where was the Red Lion?”

PTSD IS AMAZINGLY WRITTEN!

It’s a shame this is NEVER treated properly again

Thank you for NOT making the swimming thing a thing

You didn’t need to TRY Voltron, what the hell?!

Here’s the deal, Altea not being Obliterated-obliterated is actually a really interesting idea

Lance still wins, for the record

If she was infected in any way this wouldn’t drive me crazier than a bot on Halloween

But she’s not so this is BULL

Shallura confuses me SO much…

Ok, admittedly the scene with Allura and Alfor is beautifully heartbreaking

Episode 10

The fact that Zarkon was a close friend to Alfor should be addressed

Also Shiro calling himself “an inexperienced Pilot” hurts

Allura’s a MORON!

YES! MASSIVE ISSUE WITH YOU COMING

Nice puppetry Hunk

What happened to THIS Allura?! She’s reckless but not INSANE (or so boring I might cry)!

Is this the same Druid from Season 8? Pretty sure it’s 8… I forget which, but the one Keith fought

“Don’t walk through that door!” / Keith does/ “I think I told him” // “You are a paragon of leadership, Lance”

Hehheh I love Hunk teasing Lance about Allura

I do actually the fact that I can’t tell what size the purple container is until Keith grabs it

Heheh the Allura interacting with the Galra soldier

The computer sounds like Lance

Also Shiro had that “holy shit” moment

I HATE WRITING TELELPORTING FIGHTS

I’m 99% sure that the ONLY reason I didn’t fall into the Galra Keith rabbit hole was the fact that I binge watched

This scene confuses me… so much now that I know Shallura was apparently never going to be a thing

So confused

Episode 11

That hair flip though...

Coran, I get it, but calm down

Okay, but Keith has a point. Seriously, he’s not wrong.

For the record, Haggar scares me

So much makes so much more sense now that we know Zarkon is the Original Black Paladin

That… makes no sense… “enough essence to open a wormhole”

Why are you transforming? More pieces to shoot at is usually a smart idea…

Hey hey, THACE!

Why can’t you have two active at once? I’m honestly serious.

I mean too OP, got it, but you can maneuver around that for temporary stuff

Shiro, use your words, yeah?

“Thinking” uh huh you mean “telepathy” right?

I genuinely forgot that Shiro got booted from Black

Damn! Yes Shiro! Kick some ass!

Ok, here’s the deal, Keith’s not listening to Coran, but he doesn’t have all the info (LIKE THE FUCKING BAYARD), Zarkon’s the OG Paladin, and he’s in distress

I HATE TELEPORTERS!

“Could have been” … uh Kuron exists ??

Also, Shiro with yellow eyes is fucking terrifying

We ain’t ficking stupid VLD

Zarkon’s a fucking idiot

Written properly his power-hungry attitude works even with him destroying his own ship

But it wasn’t so it’s null

You aren’t even subtle about Galra Keith

How can Allura see through Illusions?

Nobody knows!

Shiro, you have no jetpack, how are you so fast?

“Who cares, wormhole!” mood

I… uh… I want to do SO many things with this idea

Preferably not what they actually do...

#voltron legendary defender #voltron legendary disappointment #voltron legendary disgrace #voltron legendary disaster #voltron #voltron rewritten defender #voltron season 1 #ship thoughts #multishipper #episode thoughts #season thoughts #shiro #lance #keith #voltron allura #pidge #hunk #coran

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lechevaliermalfet · 5 years ago

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Vae Victis! – A Look Back at Blood Omen: Legacy of Kain

It was the mid-1990s. We were in the fifth generation of video game consoles, and gaming as a medium was eager to prove that it had grown up.

This had been going on before the fifth generation, of course. The Sega Genesis sold itself on its contrast to the status quo. “Sega does what Nintendon’t,” and all that. Sega’s whole image was bound up in being the cool kid, the one who’d outgrown all those pokey “kiddie” games like Super Mario Bros. or Kid Icarus or Mega Man. Sega fans played games like Mortal Kombat and Eternal Champions. Even a mascot game like Sonic the Hedgehog had a kind of snide adolescent streak to it; leaner, meaner, and less patient. Nintendo themselves had to butch up a little, even. When their bloodless version of the first Mortal Kombat got outsold by Sega’s, which kept all the gore – despite otherwise being technically superior in every measurable way – they relaxed their standards and left all the blood and fatalities intact for the second and third games, and saw a jump in sales accordingly.

The 90s were in part a decade of cynicism and ironic detachment. Sincerity tended to be frowned upon as being kind of silly and naive, or else a cover for motives less savory. Strong skepticism was the default mode, and in fiction, anti-heroes were all the rage.

Which brings us to Blood Omen: Legacy of Kain, described by its developers as a Legend of Zelda “for adults”.

Of course, any self-described adult who can’t bear to play a Legend of Zelda game because they feel it’s not grown-up enough needs to sit down and re-assess their idea of adulthood, and how secure they are in it. If a tolerance for violence (if not a craving) is all it takes, then I was an adult at about eleven, when I was single-handedly mowing down whole armies of Nazis in Wolfenstein 3D.

But those were the times, and that’s how Blood Omen got pushed. Which is unfortunate, because it misses the more thoughtful parts of the game’s story that actually did make it material mostly for adults.

“...the first act in my theatre of Grand Guignol!”

We begin in the world of Nosgoth, and if there’s a made-up fantasy word that screams “dark supernatural fantasy” more than that, I haven’t heard it. Our main character is Kain, a nobleman caught out at night in a town where he can’t find an inn or tavern to stay for the night. He is cornered by assassins and murdered, whereupon he goes to hell. Or at least, we can assume it’s hell; I don’t think even a death metal band’s idea of heaven involves being cuffed to twin posts overlooking a literal lake of fire with a sword stuck through you. Anyway, that’s where Kain is, cursing the fact that he can’t get revenge. Which seems a little warped, on the surface of things. You’d think if you were stuck in hell, then getting out, however impossible, might seem more important than getting back at the people who killed you. But if you’re the kind of person who winds up in hell after being murdered, I suppose it stands to reason that your priorities may not be in order.

While Kain is in hell, lamenting his impotent rage and generally ignoring all the fine mid-90s CG scenery, he is approached by a necromancer named Mortanius.

The necromancer offers him a way back to the world of the living, and thus a chance at revenge. Eager to oblige his overdeveloped sense of wrath, Kain takes him up on the offer, and fails to consider that there are only a few different ways, traditionally, that a dead person can cross back through the veil. And none of them really involve returning to life exactly as you were.

Kain rises from his grave as a vampire, stronger than he ever was in life, and only too happy to hack up his assassins when he encounters them not far from the site of his crypt. However, as he comes down from his vengeance-high, he hears a voice in the back of his mind – Mortanius’s voice, in fact – suggesting that his assassins were “the instruments of your murder, not the cause”. Mortanius then urges him to seek out the Pillars to find the real reason for his murder, and its true culprits.

We need to rewind a bit.

IN THE BEGINNING, there were the Pillars of Nosgoth (in fact, “Pillars of Nosgoth” was the game’s working title for a while). Rooted who knows how deep in the earth below, and reaching up to the clouds, the Pillars are a structure that should be physically impossible. They are somehow both integral to the natural order of the world, and also the embodiment of certain elemental principles. There are nine of them, embodying – in no particular order – conflict, energy, states (of being, not political), dimensions, death, nature, time, the mind, and balance. Each Pillar has its guardian, a human endowed with powers according to the Pillar’s defining principle, and tasked with overseeing that Pillar’s particular province.

A good while back in the past (how long is not detailed in this game, but probably centuries) there was a genocidal crusade of sorts against vampires, who were evidently a serious scourge of some kind. In fact, the game opens on a view of a field – practically a forest – of stakes, with a vampire impaled on each. Vlad Tepes would be proud. This crusade was ordered by the Circle of Nine (the collective group of Pillar guardians), and carried out by the fanatical religious order known as the Sarafan Brotherhood.

Monsters that they are, the vampires did not take this well. One of their number, an elder vampire named Vorador, decided to strike back. Vorador was by this point in his unlife no longer quite human looking, with mottled grey skin (later series installments would make this varying shades of green), odd three-clawed hands, and giant bat-like ears. Blood Omen never elaborates on the reason for this difference. At any rate, he singlehandedly stormed the citadel of the Pillar guardians while most of the Sarafan brotherhood were away (presumably looking for more vampires to stake), and wound up killing several of them (one of the sequels gives the number as six). In the process, he even managed to beat down Malek on his way out, perhaps the greatest warrior among the Sarafan, and the one specifically tasked with safeguarding the Circle.

For screwing up his one job, Malek was punished by being made to do that job for eternity. It might seem inadvisable to take the guy who failed to guard you and then make him your guard forever, but it helps if you rip his soul out of his body and bind it to his armor, thus making him a sleepless, tireless, unfeeling, and ever vigilant warrior fueled by pure wrath. Which is what they (or rather, Mortanius) ultimately did. At some point between this time and the present day of Blood Omen, Malek became the guardian of the Pillar of Conflict, so evidently he was fit for his role in the end.

Now we fast-forward a bit, to a point just moments before Kain’s birth. In fact, later games place this at the exact moment of that birth.

Somewhere around thirty years before Kain’s murder outside a nameless tavern in a random town, Ariel, the guardian of the Pillar of Balance, is murdered. This is bad news for all the usual reasons, and also one or two unusual ones. It turns out that her lover is the guardian of the Pillar of the Mind, the mentalist Nupraptor. Her murder drives him insane, and being a telepath (among other things), his insanity infects the guardians of the other Pillars as well. This turns them from their usual purpose of upholding the natural balance, and instead sets them to destroying it. This in turn corrupts the Pillars, symbiotically connected to their guardians, turning them from pristine white to a pitted and cracking grey. With both the Pillars and their guardians respectively corrupted and insane, the natural order of things begins to fall apart. Bad news all around.

Blood Omen is somewhat unusual in that it’s one of the few probably rare instances in fiction where a woman is stuffed into the fridge at the beginning of the story, and in order to drive the villain to extremes of behavior.

So.

Now we have Kain, in the present of our story, given to understand that his death was in some way connected with the Pillars and their corruption. He makes his way to the Pillars, where he meets Ariel’s restless spirit. She’s the one who lays out for him part of the business about her murder and Nupraptor’s madness, and the threat posed to the world by it all. Kain is only interested in a cure for his vampirism (now that he’s had his vengeance, he wants no part of this undeath business), but Ariel persuades him that his best bet is to deal with the corruption of the Pillars. So Kain storms off to go take care of Nupraptor, and ultimately to cleanse the Pillars by severing their connection to their now-insane guardians, solving the problem of their corruption by reference to his sword. Go with what you know.

It’s at this point that Kain’s personal arc begins to unfold, as he becomes increasingly alienated from humanity, both the species and the concept. While initially at odds with his vampirism, Kain spends the story coming to grips with the hypocrisy and corruption of human civilization, all the while becoming more and more comfortable with the seeming monstrosity of his new existence. This is a matter of some necessity. He has things he needs to do, he has to stay alive to do them, and so a certain amount of blood-drinking and slaughter seems inevitable.

In his travels, he comes across Vorador’s manor, situated deep in a swamp teeming with monsters. Kain seeks his help to destroy Malek. Vorador, for his part, spends the encounter being lordly and largely dismissive of Kain’s quest. He advises the fledgling vampire that meddling in mortal affairs is nothing but bad news. Better to sit back and sate one’s hunger – or thirst, in this case – and let the mortal world turn as it will. Humans are to be preyed on, not helped or manipulated or otherwise gotten involved with. Best to stay above such passing concerns. Nevertheless, he takes a liking to Kain, and gives him his ring to summon him at need.

Say a word often enough, and it starts to lose its sense of meaning. Actions likewise lose significance with repetition. They become rote. And as time wears on, Kain seems to begin making a turn. There’s a certain honesty in being a monster. You always know what you are, and you always know how other people see you. Kain may sneer at Vorador’s decadence when they meet, but at least the elder vampire is never less than one hundred percent honest about what he is.

And as Kain goes on, it begins to seem that Vorador was right. So much of Kain’s and the world’s difficulties seem to stem from the selfishness, greed, shortsightedness, self-absorption, and general malice of the people he runs up against. Eventually, he winds up accidentally sparking a second genocidal crusade against his own kind. This has mostly to do with him traveling back in time to kill a man in the past who would grow to become a tyrant in his current era. This mistake no doubt has its roots in his not having not grown up in a world with a whole sub-genre of fiction concerned with the merits or otherwise of traveling back in time to kill Hitler.

We will have such fun with time travel as the series goes on, let me tell you.

The game ends by offering the player a choice. Kain’s efforts to cleanse the Pillars and restore balance to the world have made him the new guardian of the Pillar of Balance. Yet, like all other Pillar Guardians slain at his hand, he himself is corrupt, and must die to complete the task. So the player is asked: Will Kain willingly sacrifice himself for the greater good of Nosgoth, or will he refuse the sacrifice and choose to live in an increasingly broken and corrupt world.

The sequels take the second ending as canon, and honestly, it’s hard to argue. This isn’t a story about hope springing eternal, after all. The few people in it who are unambiguously good are either killed (Ariel) or largely ineffectual (King Ottmar, who comes to prominence briefly toward the end of the story). The player may feel differently, but there’s little reason to believe that Kain would. Proud, haughty, vindictive, wrathful, and growing ever more cynical and mistrustful of the motives of those around him, tired of being used as a tool for other’s schemes... Why would he choose to sacrifice himself?

And so, canonically, we close on a shot of Kain sitting on a throne at the base of the Pillar of Balance, with it and all the other Pillars lying in a broken ruin around him. He drinks from a goblet, and muses that Vorador was right after all: “Vampires are gods – dark gods – and it is our duty to thin the herd.”

The End.

“Nothing is free. Not even revenge.”

So that’s Blood Omen as a story. What about as a game?

On the balance it’s kind of uneven.

On a technical level, it’s fairly impressive. In its time, it stood as a testament to the potential quality of two-dimensional graphics in gaming, even as the entire medium was leaping into the third dimension, ready to ditch and decry anything made in 2D as inferior. The result from a technical standpoint is that Blood Omen has in some ways aged better than a lot of other games of its vintage, including its first sequel.

But then you actually play the thing, and see where it sort of falls apart.

Let’s get the easy part over with, shall we? The load times in Blood Omen are godawful, just the worst possible combination of long and frequent. It seems almost like a joke at times: “Really? We’re loading again? It was one fucking room!” Were it not for the fact that it began development as a totally unrelated game, I would strongly suspect that the sequel, Legacy of Kain: Soul Reaver, used its data-streaming technology to avoid loading times altogether purely as a response to this criticism. I still think that may be the case.

Once we dig past the issue of loading times, though, the game reveals other issues.

There are good ideas on display here. Let’s start with that. The game has a day-and-night cycle, and while you can walk around during the day, you deal less damage (and take more) while the sun is up. Water is like the touch of acid to a vampire, and any time you’re in it, you’ll take constant damage. Rain and snow will likewise damage you, and while there are power-ups that are supposed to eliminate this problem, I’m not sure they actually work. At least, not on the PC version of the game, which is what I’ve mostly played.

The game also requires that Kain drink blood periodically. His health naturally drains very slowly, but constantly, so you always have to be on the lookout for a way to top yourself off. There are some more abstract health restoration items, as well as a consumable item you can use, called the Heart of Darkness (this item will become obscenely important in later installments). However, the game is structured such that most of Kain’s health restoration will have to come from either enemies or, more often, helpless innocents. This ties nicely into the game’s theme of alienation from humanity, though the way the game often presents these situations –random strangers chained to walls all over the world, for no apparent reason – seems a little odd at times. And it has interesting ideas about different creatures having blood that might actually be harmful to Kain, or inflict him with a long-term poison.

In addition to the graphics looking nice (the CG cutscenes are definitely of their time, but the in-game sprite work and lighting effects are quite nice), the game has a great soundtrack, dark and moody and ominous. And the voice work is superb. All character interactions are handled with voiceover rather than on-screen text, and the cast knocks it out of the park. Not just “good for the mid-90s video game voice acting”, but great, period.

The puzzle-solving is a little lackluster, though. For something pitched as a “grown-up Legend of Zelda”, its puzzles largely consist of pulling levers and pushing buttons, and navigating mazes. Which is fine, but again, any game that’s going to self-consciously compare itself to The Legend of Zelda needs to bring its A game, especially with its puzzle-solving.

The game does offer you a lot of tools to use, in the form of different weapons, spells, and magical items. But a lot of these boil down to more inventive yet questionably practical ways to kill enemies. And considering that setting up a selection of these items for immediate access involves going back and forth to the inventory menu (requiring a load time both ways), it’s easier to just stick with your weapon and a handful of the most commonly used spells and items and call it a day.

Weapons themselves are another problem. You’ll find that your iron sword from the very beginning of the game is the most generally useful. The mace will let you stun human enemies to drink their blood after just two hits, but it lacks the crowd-control effect of the sword, and also lacks the stunning effect on the non-human enemies that make up the bulk of your later-game foes. It’s also useful for knocking down certain stone barriers, but these are few and far between, and necessary for progress only very rarely. The twin axes let Kain cut down trees barring his path, and also let him cut down enemies by spinning like a saw blade… but this means you’ll frequently kill enemies before you have a chance to drain them. The flaming sword burns enemies alive and leaves only ashes, preventing you from drinking blood that way. And then the final weapon, the Soul Reaver (also an item of incalculable importance later in the series), deals massive damage as long as you have magic power to fuel it. But while thus empowered, it detonates the enemies it kills, making them impossible to drain. And when not empowered, it’s only as damaging as the iron sword, but slower and more awkward.

Combat in general gets frustrating at times, thanks to the iffy hit detection. One enemy might walk right through your sword swing, while another you could swear was out of range will register a hit. It never becomes a total deal-breaker, but it’s a point of frequent irritation as you go.

Let’s have another positive: Kain also gains the ability to transform into various other states as the game goes by. In his wolf form, he can leap over certain obstacles, but his attack in this form has no combo ability and a long wind-up, making him vulnerable. He can use his bat form to fast-travel between beacons and certain landmark locations, while his mist form allows him to walk on water without taking damage, as well as cross certain barriers without opening the door. There are also two disguises he can use. One transforms him into a peasant, while the other turns him into a human-looking version of himself so that he can pass as a nobleman. The use of both of these is largely situational, required in a very small number of situations and then mostly pointless outside of them.

But perhaps the thing that stands out the most is its linearity.

This is to some extent mandated by the story. Unlike The Legend of Zelda, to which this game invites much comparison, Blood Omen’s story is very much at all times front and center. A Zelda game will leave you with bits of story here and there, and largely leave you to explore or puzzle your way forward or dick around in town or otherwise do your own thing for long stretches of time. The story in one of those games is the starting point of the experience, a backdrop against which you play out the adventure. Hyrule is to some extent defined by that openness, with its plains and deserts and vast forests and so on.

Blood Omen lacks this. Its story is the entire point and purpose of the game. The path forward is always clear and rarely has room for deviation or discovery. There may be things hidden off to the side, but these tend ultimately to be cul-de-sacs, connecting to nothing else. This is even subtly expressed in the game’s environments: lots of indoor areas, caves, narrow trails, canyons, and so on. There’s little opportunity to go off the beaten path. Blood Omen’s pathways not only discourage exploration, they often disable it. This is not your experience to own; it is Kain’s story for you to be told.

I feel like in story terms, that’s ultimately the difference. Legend of Zelda’s story always exists to serve the game that Nintendo crafts. Blood Omen: Legacy of Kain’s game exists to serve the story.

And just to be clear, none of this is bad at all. It’s every bit as valid in terms of game design and mechanics as any given Zelda. But if you’re going to compare your game to The Legend of Zelda and then fail to do the most essentially Zelda things in it – not just do them poorly, but not do them at all, missing the point entirely of what a Zelda game is about – then it’s worth commenting on. I like Blood Omen, but I had to get used to thinking of it on its own terms. The Zelda comparisons are easy to make. Even without the developers making them, the look and structure of the game seems to invite them.

Like a good book, Blood Omen is a (mostly) straight shot from start to finish. Its linearity is what allows it to control the story, to unfold its plot and explore its themes at a pace of its choosing. The game to some extent revels in its edginess, but to be honest, it was perfect for me at the time. I was sixteen when I first played the game. Sixteen, and a bit of a loner with an odd and private (but intense) interest in vampires. It was probably the perfect game for me at the time. And it’s still ultimately enjoyable today, if you take it as what it is. Not as a Legend of Zelda game for adults, but as a decent action-adventure game with a good story and top-notch presentation. If you don’t mind the linearity and the relentlessly dark and sometimes disturbing story, it’s just about perfect.

Post-script the First: Likelihood of Re-release, and Current Availability

Eeeehhhhhhhhhh...

Here’s the problem: Blood Omen: Legacy of Kain was originally dreamed up and created by Silicon Knights and published by Crystal Dynamics (who also had a hand in the development, late in the process), with distribution to be handled by Activision. Crystal Dynamics eventually got full ownership of the Legacy of Kain brand, and used it to make the first sequel to Blood Omen, titled Legacy of Kain: Soul Reaver. Silicon Knights was against this, but had less deep pockets than Crystal Dynamics, so they were ultimately the losers of the resulting court battle over the affair. The lone bone thrown to them was that Crystal Dynamics had to acknowledge in the game that Soul Reaver was based on characters and ideas created by Silicon Knights.

By the time Soul Reaver rolled around, Crystal Dynamics belonged to Eidos. Then, in 2005 (not long after the last Legacy of Kain game was published), Eidos was completely bought out by Square Enix, and was mostly refocused on creating western-style games under the Square Enix umbrella. Crystal Dynamics still exists as a division within Square, where they’ve been making various Tomb Raider games almost exclusively ever since the acquisition.

The problem with any hypothetical remaster or re-release of Blood Omen: Legacy of Kain is that, for several years, it would have required some three-way legal wrangling to determine who really owned the thing, and what they could do with it (if anything), and under what conditions.

As of about 2014, Silicon Knights ceased to exist (about which more later, because it’s a fun story), but that still leaves the rights an open issue. Square Enix seems to own the larger Legacy of Kain intellectual property, but there’s the question of ownership regarding Blood Omen: Legacy of Kain specifically, and I’m not sure that question has ever been answered. Silicon Knights doesn’t exist, but many of its personnel are still around in some capacity, and would presumably have something to say about anything involving it.

Venues like Steam and Good Old Games have released the every other installment in the series digitally (even Blood Omen 2), but nobody’s touched the original game. Probably CD Projekt Red and Valve don’t have much desire to try unsnarling the ownership and licensing issues themselves, and none of the owners seem all that keen on it, either.

And it will probably stay that way. The Legacy of Kain series in general has always been pretty solidly in the B tier of video games, from back when there still even was much of a B tier in the first place. The fanbase for that kind of deliberately overwrought gothic supernatural fantasy was loyal, but never very big, and I’m not sure how much that’s changed. Moreover, I’m not sure either Square is willing to bank on it having grown in the interim enough to do anything about this first game in the series. The more time goes by, the less inclination any party has to make anything of the series, especially an early entry whose ownership may be contested. An indirect sequel, and also some kind of MMO, were both in the works at various points. The MMO vanished after not very long at all on the market, and the indirect sequel never made it out of development.

Legal options for playing Blood Omen: Legacy of Kain are limited. You can play the original PlayStation version on the PlayStation 1, 2, or 3. It’s also digitally available on the PS3, although not for the PSP or Vita. Infuriatingly, it’s one of a small handful of games that can’t even be side-loaded (a process that involves downloading a digital PS1 game onto your PS3, then copying it uninstalled to the Vita). The PC version, meanwhile, can still be played, though there’s a special program custom-made for it that you’ll have to get in order to install it and run it on modern systems. And this tends to run a little slow. Music and sound are fine, it’s just the game actually moves slower than normal. Or you could install a virtual desktop and play it that way.

Post-script the Second: The Death of Chivalry

So whatever happened with Silicon Knights?

Well, the story is… not complicated, exactly, but not entirely straightforward, either.

Development of Blood Omen was troubled. As we would later learn, this was not an especially novel situation for Silicon Knights to be in. Two of their other big projects later on underwent some turbulence in production. Blood Omen was originally to be created by Silicon Knights and published by Crystal Dynamics. Later on, after Crystal Dynamics became part of British publisher Eidos, they were able to somehow leverage this connection to strongarm their way into ownership of the overall Legacy of Kain intellectual property. They used it to make the first sequel to Blood Omen, titled Legacy of Kain: Soul Reaver. This had begun life as a brand-new IP (originally titled Shifter), which helps explain some of the tremendous thematic, aesthetic, and design differences between the two games.

Silicon Knights later maintained that they’d had their own ideas for a potential Blood Omen sequel, but never got around to it, and after Crystal Dynamics started making their own sequels, Silicon Knights lost interst. I’m not sure how much of that is real and how much is just so much sour grapes. Anyway, they went off and did their own thing for a while. They published the survival horror game Eternal Darkness: Sanity’s Requiem for the GameCube, after having signed an exclusivity deal with Nintendo around that time. It had originally been in development for the N64, but was ultimately moved up to the newer hardware after development delays. For anyone who’s wondering, Eternal Darkness an excellent game, on the shortlist of must-own GameCube titles, even if you’re not necessarily a fan of survival horror. It’s not perfect (among other things, you have to beat the game three times to see the true ending), but it does a lot of interesting things.

They also developed the GameCube remake of Metal Gear Solid (likely under heavy scrutiny and supervision form Konami), dubbed Metal Gear Solid: The Twin Snakes. Much as I tend to prefer the original version of the game for its restraint (Twin Snakes has a lot of ridiculous high-flying wire-fu maneuvering in its action cutscenes), the remake is worth any Metal Gear fan’s time. Among other things, series creator Hideo Kojima has apparently declared it the canon version of events. It also saw a re-dubbing of the entire script, since apparently when the original audio was played back at a higher sampling rate, you could hear the traffic in the background, which the ramshackle soundproofing used in the original hadn’t been able to entirely shut out. The re-dubbed script also has the benefit of having allowing Jennifer Hale and Kim Mai Guest to ditch their put-on accents – Guest’s being particularly irritating, and borderline racist (maybe actually racist; I’m a white dude, and not totally clear on these things).

After this, they moved on to the Xbox 360 with their passion project Too Human, which had been troubled from the beginning. Its on-again, off-again development cycle spanned a decade and three console generations. It began development for the original PlayStation, then shifted to the GameCube when the developer did in the early 2000s. It went quiet for a few years, then resurfaced as an Xbox 360 project that was ultimately delivered in 2008, two years after its projected release on that console.

Too Human was a notorious, news-making flop, and Silicon Knights responded to this failure not simply by pinning the blame on someone else, but by doing that and then actually suing them. Specifically, they sued Epic Games, from whom they had licensed the Unreal Engine 3 to make the final version of Too Human. The accusation was that Epic deliberately sabotaged developers who licensed their engine by providing an incomplete product, and that the difficulties stemming from this had caused development delays. These delays, and the compromises they brought about, were supposedly ultimately responsible for the failure and the financial losses of Too Human.

Epic responded by then counter-suing, which was the beginning of the end for Silicon Knights.

Epic’s counter-suit stated that Unreal Engine 3 was a work in progress, and that they were making it essentially on the fly as they developed the first Gears of War. The counter-suit further stated that it was readily and openly acknowledged that the engine was unfinished, and that when it was done, it might ultimately not turn out to be useful for the licensees. Epic’s suit further indicated that these facts were all known and laid out in the licensing contract, and so like all licensees, Silicon Knights knew this when they signed for it.

But it gets better (which is to say, worse, at least for Silicon Knights). Epic’s counter-suit also included the allegation that Silicon Knights had knowingly and wrongfully copied code wholesale from Unreal Engine 3 and incorporated it into their own engine without permission from Epic. They had then gone on to use this hybrid engine on other internal projects without the permission of the people they’d cannibalized it from.

Now, I’m not one to root for a big corporation, even (especially) a game developer. But Silicon Knights had the misfortune of being run by Denis Dyack, a known con-man, grifter, shady bullshitter, and general ambulatory phallus. He maybe wasn’t in the same category as a Randy Pitchford or a Bobby Kotick, but that’s less a matter of capacity and more a matter of opportunity. Given the chance to operate on their scale, I don’t doubt he’d have fit right in with that crowd.

As far as the court case went, the evidence was overwhelmingly in Epic’s favor. In addition to their own court costs and damages awarded to Epic, Silicon Knights was forced to recall all unsold copies of Too Human and X-Men: Destiny (another game they’d developed with their Unreal Engine 3 hybrid), as well as scrap all projects using the engine, which seems to have been literally everything they had in the works at that point.

So what happened, essentially, is that Silicon Knights sued Epic Games in an effort to offset their losses by making money out of the Too Human debacle somehow, and it backfired so comically that they broke themselves against their opponent.

But their end, one way or another, was probably inevitable in that console generation. Looking at their release history, there’s really nothing that stands out as a hit or an absolute classic. Eternal Darkness and Metal Gear Solid: The Twin Snakes were both fine games, this much is true. But Eternal Darkness was a GameCube exclusive, and the GameCube didn’t sell the way Nintendo hoped. Meanwhile, The Twin Snakes is certainly nice, but as a remake of a different developer’s game, it has little in the way of originality, and very little of the material can really be said to “belong” to Silicon Knights, since it was someone else’s brainchild right from the start.

They were never a hugely prolific publisher, with eight games published before they folded, and according to Wikipedia, seven known titles cancelled at various points during their existence. These cancelled projects included two sequels to Too Human (which had always been planned as a trilogy). Given the cold reception received by the original, both from critics and consumers alike, that seems questionable. In for a penny, in for a pound, I guess. But however you look at it, they didn’t have what you’d call a good ratio of finished to unfinished projects. And while it’s worth mentioning that many of those unfinished projects were upcoming games they were forced to cancel because they’d been made (or begun) with their illegal Unreal Engine 3 hybrid, the fact is that when your business plan hinges on stealing another developer’s game engine to make your own games, you’re already in a bad place.

Silicon Knights pretty firmly slotted into the middle tier of video games. For my money, the middle tier is in some ways the sweet spot. It’s more high-tech and technically involved than the indie set, yet not so high-budget that developers in it can’t feel free to experiment. But that middle tier has all but vanished these days. It’s questionable whether Silicon Knights would have hung on long enough to find a spot in it today, even if they hadn’t destroyed themselves going after Epic, just based on the iffy reception of their games. That’s without considering the general skullduggery it took to keep them going in the first place. And I also tend to think of X-Men: Destiny as a bad sign. There’s no shame in work-for-hire; it’s how a lot of major development studios (like Blizzard) started out. But that’s the key: you start out doing work-for-hire projects to make the money to strike out on your own. Silicon Knights was moving in the opposite direction, and that’s a bad sign.

Vae Victis, indeed.

#legacy of kain #blood omen #blood omen legacy of kain #kain #video games #video gaming #games #gaming #silicon knights #vae victis #halloween

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benbarnesfrustration · 6 years ago

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The End Justifies the Means

**A Logan Delos x Reader one-shot**

Summary: Logan and reader explore a section of The Raj, an Indian-themed park.

Rated: M/Explicit for smut and language. Smutty smut smut. 18+ only.

AN: I actually adapted this from an old story I wrote for a previous muse. I thought it would suit Logan nicely. Enjoy!

**gif by @benbarnestongue**

Holy hell, were all the bugs the size of airplanes in this place?

Another insect buzzed in your ear, and you swatted it away in irritation. “Fuck,” you panted. “I swear, if another bug tries to eat my face, I’m going to scream.”

You could hear Logan chuckle even though he was several paces ahead of you. “This is called ‘broadening one’s horizons darlin.” He paused and looked back at you; his dark hair only just beginning to wilt around the edges from the sweat that was beginning to appear at his hairline and neck. “And I thought you were the adventurous type.” He flashed you one of his trademarked adorable grins, and you scowled.

“I’m all for adventure, but this…is…ridiculous…” you swatted another bug. It seemed the more you perspired, the more insects swarmed you. “How much longer is it?”

“Oh, it’s like that, is it?” Logan called back to you. “Well. It won’t be much farther, and this little hike came very highly recommended. Quit complaining,” he added, laughing.

You sighed, and steeled yourself. Yes, you were a city girl, born and raised in New York. That didn’t mean you were completely oblivious to the great outdoors, of which you loved and were well acquainted. You had been on plenty of hiking and camping trips. But this was The Raj; a theme park modeled after Imperial India. It was an entirely different ballgame. First of all; the heat was insane. It wasn’t so bad when you were lounging under patio umbrellas sipping exotic drinks. But out here in the jungle, with the humidity slowly evaporating your energy, and those god forsaken insects trying to suck your blood…

“Logan,” you called out, trying to diminish the irritation in your voice. He was, after all, clearly having the time of his life. As uncomfortable as you were, you didn’t want to ruin that for him. He paused again, and looked back at you. “Can I have a swig from that canteen of yours?” He smiled and backtracked the short distance to where you were standing. You had a small moment to reflect on how out of balance you were just then; he with the backpack and the air of the adventurer, and your sorry self with the ridiculous banana wrapped around the top of your head to help keep the sweat and insects at bay; flushed and sweating buckets. He was from the real world just like you were; so how did he do it? How did he blend with the parks so easily?

“Ah, thank you,” you smiled at him gratefully, as you gulped the cool water. You fixed him with a playful glare. “This better be worth it, mister.”

He smirked at you. “I think you’ll be pleased.” He turned and started to walk again, calling over his shoulder, “we’ll be there before too long. Hurry up!”

You bit off a few internal expletives, and soldiered on. You were on a small trail on what could easily be described as pure jungle, about a two miles from your hotel. You took this trip because you had so desperately needed time away. Both of you had been run completely ragged with work. You had agreed to clear two weeks just for you, and here you were. A romantic getaway in The Raj; sipping rum drinks and getting massages and fucking on 800 thread count sheets. So why were you huffing and puffing through the jungle? Well, Logan was excited about it, so you agreed. After all, who could refuse Logan when he was excited about something?

You walked and gave it your best effort; doing your best not to trip over any roots. After about another twenty minutes, just when you were about to ask for some more water, Logan stopped abruptly, holding up his hand to signal for you to do the same. He trotted forward a few paces as if to check on something, and then quickly doubled back to you, smiling.

“It’s just up ahead,” he grinned, taking your hand. The two of you walked a short distance and around a small bend in the trail. When you rounded the corner, you were completely gobsmacked by the sight before you. You gasped as the visage revealed itself.

You felt Logan’s arm around you and looked up at him. He was positively glowing with pride, looking down at you. “Do you like it?”

“Oh Logan,” you said. “Logan, I just– I’m sorry I whined so much on the way over. This was worth it…this is amazing.”

He grinned, and wrapped his arms around you. “I wanted to take you someplace really special. Not a restaurant or anything; someplace really amazing. So I asked the best guy I could think of– the bartender at the hotel.”

You laughed. “Well of course they would know all the best places.”

He laughed with you. “Well, apparently, yes! Not only that, but he assured me that nobody would bother us if we came back here today. So…here we are.”

You looked back at the incredible vista before you, then back up to his handsome face. “You did well, babe. I feel like an ass for complaining so much on the way here.”

He stepped back a few paces, unshouldering his pack. He let it fall to the ground with a soft thump. His dark eyes gleamed as he looked at you. “I figured you wouldn’t like the means, “he smirked at you, “but had counted on the ending to make it all worthwhile.”

Your heartbeat sped up just a little. “Whatever do you mean, Logan?” you smirked playfully back at him.

He stepped toward you, wrapping his arms around you again. “But darlin, doesn’t the end always justify the means?”

Before the moment could get any more heated, he broke off, suddenly.

“Not yet. Let’s refresh ourselves. Feel like getting wet?” He cocked his right eyebrow at you questioningly. You smiled, all the blood rushing to your extremities.

“Well, as it happens, I am awfully hot…” you smiled knowingly at him. You stepped back and pulled your top over your head in one quick motion. Logan watched, drinking you in. He ran his tongue along his lips briefly, and stepped to you, grabbing the waistband of your shorts. You stepped back, smiling impishly.

“Uh uh, you first.” You pointed at his chest. He smiled resignedly and pulled his shirt over his head much in the same way you did. You took a moment to appreciate his chiseled form before he resumed his previous ministrations. “Now. my turn,” he said hungrily.

He chuckled devilishly and allowed you to unbutton and unzip his pants. Down they went, and he was left in nothing more than dark blue boxer briefs. You took a moment to appreciate his incredibly beautiful form. He was tall and chiseled like a dark angel, with his intense eyes and almost black hair. You could see the shape of his impressive manhood straining through the relatively thin material of his briefs. Never, ever would you tire of looking at him. And here he was, with you, looking at you the same way.

Fueled by your happiness and desire, you pulled off your panties in one quick motion, and turned toward the waterfall’s pool. “Come on, catch me,” you panted, as you ran toward the edge and dove into the pool. You had only just surfaced when you heard the answering splash. You swam toward the waterfall, grabbing onto a small rock just near the point where the falls connected with the pool. You turned. gasping, laughing, and saw him pop out of the water just in front of you. You laughed again and grabbed his head, and his arms grabbed your waist from under the water. You both laughed as you grasped each other; completely invigorated by the cool water.

He kissed you again. You never thought that you could ever kiss more passionately than you ever had, because you had definitely had your moments. But this time, maybe– just maybe, you had outdone the others. You wrapped your legs around his waist and lifted yourself out of the water to give yourself better leverage, and deeply, passionately, you poured all the love you felt for him into that kiss. His tongue probed your lips, and your mouth opened to his. You explored his mouth with your tongue, as his hand gripped the back of your head, fingers tangled in your hair. You enjoyed this passionate exchange for several moments, before he broke away, and suddenly grabbed you, lifting you from the water.

He moved to the edge and set you on the little rock that you had swam to; the one near the spot where the falls met the pool. As he stood, he was able to rise out of the water in front of you. You looked at him, gasping.

“Tell me how much you want me,” he said, as he spread your legs apart and began to tease at your entrance with his fingers. “Tell me.”

“Oh my god Logan…” You gasped. “I want you. I want you inside of me. Please.”

“Tell me more,” he growled, and he slipped a finger inside you. You were so wet.

“Logan…I love it when you make me come…” you moaned.

Your back was arched and your head thrown back in ecstasy, so you were not entirely prepared when you felt his mouth on you, replacing his thumb on your clit with his tongue. You cried out again, as he sucked and licked, all while he inserted another finger, driving you into a frenzy. You grabbed fistfulls of his hair and screamed as he brought you to a mind-blowing climax; wave after wave hitting you, making your body shiver.

After you subsided, he lifted his head and winked at you. “It’s a good thing we have this place all to ourselves. Did I ever tell you how loud you are?”

“It’s your fault,” you panted, lying back along the rock wall, the spray of the waterfall enveloping you. He chuckled. You fixed him with a look. “Now now, we’re not finished yet, are we?”

You slid off the rock and pushed him, turning him so that he was against the rocks where you had just been. His cock was standing just above the waterline, at full attention.

“Allow me,” you said, and you bent to the task. He let out a small, “ Mmm,” as you put your lips on the head of his cock. You put your other hand at the base of his impressive shaft, massaging up and down as you sucked. You took his length the best you could; the head bumping the back of your throat before you drew it out again. He moaned as you pulled and sucked, increasing your pace until he was gasping for breath. “Oh my god,” he panted, and you felt his balls twitch as his climax neared. Suddenly, you withdrew, and with an impish look, quickly turned and swam off, leaving him standing there in hip deep water; chest heaving.

“Got you, you fuckin tease,” he laughed, as he lifted you out onto the edge of the pool. He stood up, matching your height. His eyes glittered as he pushed you back and spread your legs, exposing you. You propped yourself up on your elbows and watched as he gripped the head of his dick and positioned it at your entrance, which was swollen with arousal. Once properly placed, he put his hands on the rocks on either side of you, and pushed his full length into you. You both gasped as his cock filled you, stretching you, and he withdrew almost completely before shoving himself back in. You forced your head up to look at him as he began thrusting steadily, and his eyes lifted to meet yours. You locked eyes as he pumped; fucking you, rocking your hips, and you cried out in ecstasy. “Logan, oh god! Yes!” Your hips bucked as he slammed you, your skin slapping audibly at the contact. You raked your nails down his back as he pounded into you, and you felt your climax building. “Don’t stop!” You cried, and he thrust again and again and again, your orgasm arriving full-force, blackening your vision. Waves of pleasure overcame you, and he moaned, “Oh babe, I’m gonna….oh god” He tensed up as his own climax hit him, and he spurted his seed into your depths.

He lay on top of you, limbs completely spent. You panted together, and you twined your fingers in his hair. After a short while, you sat up, and cradled his head against your breast, stroking his face.

“My god woman” he breathed, and lifted his head to meet your eyes. “You’re amazing.” He chuckled softly. “Didn’t I tell you the end would justify the means?”

#logan delos x reader #westworld fanfiction #logan fic #ben barnes character #smut

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ittakesrain · 5 years ago

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Track Your Shit

I sat on the couch in my psychiatrist’s office with my arms crossed and steam billowing out of my ears.

“Are you on cocaine?” he asked without a hint of sarcasm.

“No,” I shot back, completely bewildered but appropriately defensive.

“Then you’re bipolar.”

Yup. That was how I was diagnosed. And to my memory, that was really the only major piece of information my psychiatrist gave me that day. There was no supplemental information given to me, no sort of enlightenment or introduction into the all-consuming project that would be managing my difficult and sometimes debilitating condition, and I left the office with what felt like a really random label and a higher dose of Abilify. I was nineteen years old, I was a chemistry major in college, I’d kicked the hell out of an eating disorder, and I was bipolar. The facts didn’t matter too much. Right?

Over the next several years, I really didn’t hear the word “bipolar” all too frequently, in or out of my psychiatrist’s office, despite the increasingly, uh, intense fluctuations in my moods and energy as well as steadily growing anxiety and irritability. Weird, am I right? For a diagnosis that impacts pretty much all aspects of a person’s life, in one way or another, to not be mentioned nearly enough times? There are more fitting words, but sure, we’ll go with ‘weird.’

By the time I graduated college, I knew my diagnosis was playing a larger role in my life that I originally assumed it would. I started keeping track of when I took my meds (and with that tried not to miss any doses). I recorded my moods more frequently. I did some cursory research into my disorder. And I finally started noticing patterns in my cycle and knew to watch out for specific warning signs. And mind you, doing all of that was a pretty big accomplishment for someone who was given virtually no guidance. Not to mention a medication regime that was significantly lacking.

The first thing I realized was that my episodes often began with feeling “emotionally itchy,” or “like I want to rip my face off” and “jump out of my skin and out of who I am as a person.” Thanks to the knowledge I have now, I can use different language to describe what actually goes on as I inch ever closer to a major episode. I become incredibly irritable and experience what’s called “dysphoric mania.” I have the racing thoughts and flight of ideas that come with manic episodes, meaning my brain is running at a million miles a minute and I can’t keep myself focused on one idea long enough to think it through, but it’s not what anyone would call a happy feeling (not that mania is to be confused with mere happiness). In my dysphoric state, I have too much energy, so much so that it physically hurts me as it swells from within me and threatens to burst open at any second. I often cut myself in such a state because I need the assumed and metaphorical emotional release as well as the physical release of endorphins in response to injury.

Then I began to see that if I missed my meds for any period of time longer than a day or two, I felt the effects about two weeks later. If I forgot (or “forgot”) to take my Abilify for let’s say a full week, I’d be in the middle of a relentless and torturous depression in about fourteen days. Sidenote, I shouldn’t have missed ANY days of meds, but lo and behold, I wasn’t exactly warned all too well against it. But to see a pattern, to determine the cause of a specific (and dramatic) dip in my moods, was hugely influential in my life. Not to mention, it brought me to google how the medication I was prescribed actually works. And, spoiler, every single human being who is prescribed any medication at all should be aware of what the fucking medication does and how it works and all of that. Seriously. So important. Turns out Abilify is “long acting” and takes about two weeks to leave my system.

Furthermore, Abilify is a type of drug called an “atypical antipsychotic.” Those types of drugs are frequently used as mood stabilizers. They’re the second generation of drugs that you’ve probably seen being used on dramatic medical shows or movies about psychiatric hospitals that knock people who are acting “insane” out. They’re used as tranquilizers. Haldol is an example of one that works fast and Thorazine is an example of one that works somewhat slower. Those are called typical antipsychotics. Atypicals like Abilify have fewer side effects. They work to influence serotonin (the neurotransmitter sometimes called the “happy molecule”) as opposed to blocking signals from dopamine (the “pleasure and reward” neurotransmitter).

Right. So as you see I’ve become fairly well-versed in the goings-on of impending episodes and the key pieces of information surrounding them. Again, this is phenomenally helpful. But my point is that I should have been given this information from the get-go. I should’ve been prepared and taught, should’ve been armed with education given to me by a human being who knew what the fuck was happening to me and how bad it would potentially get if I didn’t have the fucking said information! I got there myself, and I’m damn proud of myself for doing so. And it still brings me peace of mind and a sense of control to research bipolar disorder, and learn new things about treatments and meds and biochemistry, and to work through my recorded moods and symptoms to find existing patterns or warnings. But for fuck’s sake, why wasn’t I told about the importance of recording the fluctuations or about psychoeducation as a tremendously powerful tool?

Alright alright, not going to continue dwelling on the past and how I was royally screwed (at least not in this particular blog post). Because as I look to the future, I know things will at the very least make more sense. I’ll at least be able to understand this bullshit and from there hopefully combat it better.

Which brings me to a few months ago as I began to embark on a new and more um, intense journey of self-discovery and understanding –which, in turn, is allowing me to feel significantly less dread about my eventual (and inevitable?) next episodes. It started when I wound up in the emergency room for the first time in October 2018 when a depressive episode took a terrible turn for the worse. I was 27 years old and at the end of my rope. Exhausted from years of worsening symptoms and my cries for help going unheard, my begging and pleading remaining unnoticed, I collapsed into chaotic despair.

The good that came from that particular visit to rock bottom was that I subsequently found a therapist (no, I hadn’t been in therapy previously and yes, that was really dumb) who is literally the coolest person ever, in addition to being really fucking good at what she does. And a few months after that, my amazing therapist helped me find a better psychiatrist, and from there we all began the arduous task of getting my act together and trying to stabilize the shitshow of my life.

As it turns out, since I was on a medication that didn’t do much for me for such a long time, my bipolar disorder was able to “mature.” To further develop and overall just get worse. Literally look it up. It’s a known thing that bipolar worsens if left untreated, and I absolutely feel that mine at the very least wasn’t being treated properly. Lucky me.

But since beginning to see my therapist in November and my new medication provider in February, I’ve learned like, so so so much. I know to stop and breathe when I start to get worked up, because I know I have gone for long periods of time without inhaling and exhaling like a functioning human. I know that I fidget around and repeat purposeless motions (“display signs of psychomotor agitation”) because it comforts me when I’m anxious. I know I have issues with control, with the desire to feel safe, with things that aren’t fair.

Also. Insomnia is a huge red flag for me and for the majority of bipolars. It’s both a symptom of approaching mania and a trigger for it. Meaning, when you start staying up all night long, you’ve gotta find a way to get some sleep before it gets worse and leads to an episode. It also means that you can’t voluntarily pull all-nighters (if you can help it) because that might land you in the middle of a manic break as well. And as if that wouldn’t suck enough, a despairing depression would most certainly follow the agitated (hypo)mania.

Alcohol is another one. Now, I’m not huge on drinking. I never partook in any of that before I was of legal age anyway (which is perhaps a testament to my nerdy younger self haha), and once I started drinking, I had trouble getting past the gross taste. I still do. But when I drink as an adult (which I haven’t done in a few months, mind you), I drink to get fucked up. So basically, I drink in a way that’s literally terrible for my bipolar. It’s a cycle, too. I’ll have a bad day and come home and take five shots of fireball, and I get shitfaced so I have a terrible day the next day. It’s similar to insomnia in that it perpetuates itself and that I’ve gotta be responsible about it.

[On that note, by the way, I should say that maintaining stability involves quite a few key things (such as sleep hygiene, med compliance, the nutrition you fuel your body with, the way you move your body, being mindful and having the ability to focus on breathing, following pre-set routines, your support system, your coping skills and crisis-management tools, and your healthcare professionals…to name a few). It’s imperative to keep up with each thing to prevent all hell from breaking loose.]

I’ve also come to see that, for whatever reason, my major episodes usually have a definitive end but not a clearcut start. As in, I can identify the specific day my depression ends, but the irritability and frenetic energy and aggressive outbursts start out kind of slowly and increase steadily until my moods surrender into despondent melancholy. At this point, I believe the phenomena has to do with my tendency to ruminate and nearly drown in repetitive thoughts. I really struggle with redirecting my brain away from negatives. It could also be because of my coexisting ADHD, but either way, I can’t knock myself out of a bad mood as easily as most people can. So even something small going wrong has the potential to send me spiraling. I can’t think myself out of it. But I can easily make it worse –by ruminating and letting the negatives repeat like a broken record in my head. The decline, therefore, moves like a ball rolling down a ramp. On the opposite end of a “crazy spell” (as I called them way back in the day before I learned all this enlightening information) we have the ball being yanked back up as if it was attached to a string or something. As in, something good can happen that completely “snaps me out” of a major depression. It’s wild to think about. Like, fuck, why can’t more good things happen? Maybe then I’d spend less time wanting to die. I have, however, come to learn how to put myself in the line of things that have the potential to knock me off the crazy train. File that under “bitchin’ coping skills.”

Thanks to psychoeducation, I’ve also come to understand some of my personality traits. I’ve often called myself “volatile.” I fly off the handle fairly quickly, I accelerate from zero to 100 faster than the Kinga Ka roller coaster at Six Flags. My therapist calls it being reactive, and I prefer that phrasing now. My reactivity is part of my personality, but I understand it more clearly by looking at it through the lens of what I know about bipolar disorder. Similarly, in addition to reacting more, I react bigger. I guess some people might call it being dramatic, but again, I prefer to think of it in terms of how my therapist explained it: I’m wired intensely. I feel things in a bigger way. She once said something along the lines of “you can light up a city with your emotions,” and I don’t think she used the word emotions, but that was the gist. My intensity if a part of who I am. And honestly, as much as it can be super annoying and anxiety-producing, it’s not all bad and I choose to label it as a good thing.

Oh, and I pretty much knew this already, but I like to write/type because in my bipolar brain, the thoughts move more quickly than my mouth can move. It causes me to stutter, or stumble over my words, or lose my train of thought because I didn’t say something the right way and I can’t make my mouth move in a way to correct myself because I have fifteen thousand other thoughts flying through my mind and I can’t focus on any of it now. I exhibit pressured speech. Oh yeah, that’s one of my faves.

Thanks to psychoeducation, I’ve learned why I cling to my routines with a death-grip. Doing so is legitimately helpful to people with bipolar. Which is why going on vacation or starting a new job or a new chapter in life can throw bipolar people off in such grand ways. Circadian rhythms are screwy in us. We need to work hard to keep that shit in check. And the sleep-wake cycle and yes, routines, are part of that.

Okay then. With all of this knowledge being attained and a few more trips to rock bottom (and the emergency room) since October 2018…here I am. Still holding on, and doing better at that holding than I have in a while. A month and a half of normalcy without anything rocking the boat? I feel pretty damn good, thank you very much.

Oddly enough, stability can be just as scary for me as the complete and utter chaos of the rest of it. Like, now I have no excuses for not moving forward. Ugh, I have to move forward. But ya know what, I will. Because I’ve got the bipolar symptoms under control at the moment. There’s really nothing stopping me, so I’m sure as hell not gonna stop me.

Keeping records is absolutely fucking necessary. I’ve got no choice but to record my moods, anxiety, and irritability. I’ve gotta take my meds every fucking day and keep track of if I ever miss a day (which I shouldn’t). I need to write down other factors that play a role, such as my periods and when I have therapy and life stressors and stuff like that.

It’s taken, holy shit, so much work to acquire the awareness I currently have. And moving forward will require consistently working on what I know and actively seeking more information. But dude, I’ve come this far. I’m not gonna stop now.

#bipolar #bipolar disorder #bipolarstrong #bipolar strong #bipolar disorder awareness #mental illness #mental illness recovery #mental health #mental health blogger #moods #mood disorder #mood tracking #mood tracker

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moleasia4-blog · 5 years ago

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Three “Real Food” Staples That Aren’t What You Think

This is a guest post from Vani Hari (a.k.a. The Food Babe) and New York Times Best Selling author. She has a new book coming out this week called Feeding You Lies!

I’ve made it my mission to tell people the truth about their food, where it comes from, and how to live healthfully in our processed-food world. My latest book, Feeding You Lies, just hit stores yesterday and exposes the many lies that you’ll find about our food on product packages, advertising, and in the media.

My journey to a real food lifestyle didn’t happen overnight. Just like most people living in this processed-food world, I was easily fooled by deceptive marketing and packaging. I knew nothing about real food or chemically processed ingredients, but I knew I needed to make a change.

First, I started with the obvious stuff. I stopped eating frozen Lean Cuisines and stocking up on “zero calorie” drinks… and I started buying more fresh ingredients so that I could cook at home and stocked my pantry with staples such as spices, cooking oils, and beans.

However, the more I investigated my food and what I was putting in my body, I began to realize that my grocery shopping still needed a makeover! A lot of those “real food” ingredients I was buying weren’t as healthy as I thought and were quietly sabotaging my health.

And let’s face it, with all the millions of dollars that companies spend to persuade us into buying their products, it can be hard to cut through the B.S. and know if you are making the right choices.

Let’s take “real cheese” for example…

With the claim “Off the Block” blazoned on the front of the bag, Sargento is insinuating this cheese is like the kind you’d shred “off the block” of cheese at home. However, flipping it over to read the ingredients list, you’ll find it contains powdered cellulose, an additive made from wood and used as a coating on most pre-shredded cheese to keep it from sticking together. Tests done by Bloomberg News found up to 8.8% of cellulose in some brands of shredded parmesan cheese. Eating cellulose is linked to weight gain, inflammation, and digestive problems. Ever since learning about this additive, I started shredding my own cheese!

Plus, dairy products without the USDA certified organic seal usually come from cows raised on grains and GMO feed, which is not healthy for them and produces less nutritious milk. It may also contain residue of artificial growth hormones, antibiotics, and synthetic pesticides. Any of these things can be in cheese labeled “Natural” and “Real”… so don’t fall for these claims on the package.

A Better Choice: Instead, it’s best to choose organic, raw, 100% grass-fed cheese and shred it yourself. Raw cheese contains enzymes that make it easier to digest and is more nutritious. Goat milk cheese is also an excellent option that can be easier to digest.

Another food to watch out for is cooking oil…

I used to think I was doing the right thing when I cooked with canola oil. It’s “heart-healthy” right? I mean, it says so right on the bottle! What they don’t tell you though is that most vegetable oils such as canola, soybean, and corn oil go through an INSANE amount of processing with chemical solvents, steamers, neutralizers, de-waxers, bleach, and deodorizers before they end up in the bottle. They are so heavily processed and should not be part of a “real food” lifestyle. Avoiding these oils just for that reason alone is a good idea. However, it gets worse. The “solvent” most often used to extract the oil is the neurotoxin hexane–it’s literally bathed in it.

These mass-produced vegetable oils are also too high in omega-6 fatty acids, which fuel chronic inflammation in the body, leading to disease. Thankfully, there are much healthier choices.

A Better Choice: Unrefined coconut oil is one of my favorites to cook with today. It is made up of medium-chain triglycerides (MCT), which have been shown to reduce cholesterol and obesity. Other unrefined cooking oils, such as Cold Pressed Extra Virgin Olive Oil, Avocado Oil, Hemp Oil, and Ghee all make excellent choices. Choose organic oils because that’s where GMO ingredients and hexane extraction are prohibited.

Growing up we always had this in the fridge…

Land O’ Lakes was a staple in my household. We used the whipped butter like it was nobody’s business—my mom would use it on her infamous parathas (Indian stuffed flatbread), in countless desserts, and to make homemade ghee. Once I found out what was happening at Land O’Lakes, my Mom and I had a little chat. I explained to her that Land O’Lakes is not organic and raises their cows with growth hormones linked to cancer, antibiotics, and harmful pesticide-ridden GMO feed. I told my Mom she had to stop buying Land O’Lakes if we’re going to change this world. Knowing all these facts, my Mom asked, “What butter can I buy?” Well, thankfully there are many brands out there that are light years ahead of Land O’Lakes.

A Better Choice: Today, I choose organic pastured butter. Butter from grass-fed cows has higher amounts of beneficial CLA and healthy omega 3 fatty acids. Also, grass-fed cows produce butter with up to 50 percent more vitamin A and E, and 400 percent more beta carotene (which gives the grass-fed butter a deeper yellow color). You’ll also be avoiding butter laced with residues from antibiotics or hormones as these aren’t used on organic farms.

What you can do

You don’t need to make a full-time career out of investigating food like I have to make better choices at the grocery store. You just need to ask and answer three simple questions about food. In my new book, Feeding You Lies, I walk you through these three simple questions that will dramatically improve your food decisions:

What are the ingredients?

Are these ingredients nutritious?

Where do these ingredients come from?

I believe that if you can select food based on your answers to these three questions, you’ll put yourself—and your loved ones—on the path to a healthy lifestyle right away. Plus, you’ll be fighting back against those guilty parties who are trying to contaminate our foods in the name of profits.

Feeding You Lies is a new kind of diet and health book. It’s a revealing investigation into the food industry’s playbook. You’ll become your own health investigator after reading this book, and stop falling victim to the food industry’s lies that have kept us from feeling our best.

I give you action steps that protect you from cheap, processed, unhealthy foods and the health problems and suffering they cause. My 48-Hour Toxin Takedown at the end of the book will help you rid your pantry of foods that are weighing you down. You’ll end your sugar and processed food addictions, lose pound after pound, never “diet” again, and rejuvenate your energy levels, mental fitness, and overall well-being.

Feeding You Lies is now available in bookstores everywhere. Pick up your copy here.

Named as one of the “Most Influential People on the Internet” by Time magazine, Vani Hari is a food activist, New York Times best-selling author of The Food Babe Way, and co-founder of Truvani. For most of her life, Vani ate whatever she wanted—candy, soda, fast food, processed food—until her typical American diet landed her where that diet typically does, in a hospital. Despite her successful career in corporate consulting, Hari decided that health had to become a priority. Her newfound goal drove her to investigate what is really in our food, how it is grown, and what chemicals are used in its production. The more she learned, the more she changed and the better she felt.

Encouraged by her friends and family, Hari started a blog called foodbabe.com and has led campaigns against food giants like Kraft, Starbucks, Chick-fil-A, Subway, and General Mills that have attracted more than 500,000 signatures and led to the removal of several controversial ingredients used by these companies. Hari’s drive to change the food system inspired the creation of her new company, called Truvani, where she produces real food without added chemicals, products without toxins, and labels without lies. Hari has been profiled in The New York Times and USA Today and has appeared on Good Morning America, CNN, The Dr. Oz Show, The Doctors, and NPR. She lives in Charlotte, North Carolina, with her husband, Finley, and daughter, Harley.

Posts may contain affiliate links. If you purchase a product through an affiliate link, your cost will be the same but 100 Days of Real Food will automatically receive a small commission. Your support is greatly appreciated and helps us spread our message!

Source: https://www.100daysofrealfood.com/food-babe-feeding-you-lies-book/

#read more #see more #check it out #interesting #learn more

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fuelyogurt6-blog · 6 years ago

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30 Easy Recipes for College Students

It’s that time again! Time to settle in for the semester and really hit the books. But don’t let food take a back seat. You need to keep yourself nourished and full of energy to make it through those classes, study sessions, and that part-time job, too. I know it’s easier to just stop and grab some fast food, but taking a few minutes to prepare a homemade meal can be both nutritious and therapeutic. So, I’ve put together this list of 30 Easy Recipes for College Students to help you get through the semester without coming out the other side feeling like a casualty!

And just as a side note, these are recipes for college students who have access to a kitchen, even if a very limited kitchen. With all the restrictions on equipment allowed in dorm rooms, dorm room cooking is a whole different beast. Originally Posted 8-23-2014, updated 8-17-18.

I was a broke college student when I started this blog, so this is a category that I am very familiar with. To make the cut for this list of Easy Recipes for College Students, the recipes had to be simple (not many ingredients, no fancy equipment, and a simple preparation method), they had to strike a good balance between comfort and healthy (because let’s face it, when you’re stressed you want comfort but eating bad can make you feel worse), and they needed to make good leftovers.

I’ve divided this list into four categories: Easy Dinners, Snack Foods, Make Ahead Meals (including breakfast options), and Cold Meals (perfect for taking with you to school).

Easy Dinners

Curried Chickpeas with Spinach – When the autumn nights start to get a chilly bite, warm up with a hot bowl of these hearty curried chickpeas with spinach. Packed with flavor, this vegan dish is delicious and filling enough to finally bring vegetarians and carnivores together over one meal.

Pork and Peanut Dragon Noodles – The next time you’re tempted to grab take out, try this incredibly simple noodle stir fry. It will satisfy those take out cravings, but you’ll have complete control over the ingredients. Add some simple steamed greens to round out the meal! (Or try the original, vegetarian version of Dragon Noodles)

One Pot Chili Pasta – This One Pot Chili Pasta is total comfort food, but with all the goodness of beans and no-mystery ingredients like you get with boxed hamburger meals. And I promise, this is SO EASY with just one pot to wash afterward. ;) Oh, and this makes great leftovers, so you’re set for the week! (Here is my vegetarian version, Cheesy Vegetarian Chili Mac)

Beef and Cabbage Stir Fry – Grab a bag of coleslaw mix (shredded cabbage and carrots), and this meal is insanely fast and easy to make. Better yet, it’s full of fiber and protein, so you can help curb that freshman 15. ;) (Feel free to use ground pork, turkey, or chicken in place of the Beef, if preferred.)

Bowties and Broccoli – This has been my go-to “emergency meal” for decades. Literally. There’s nothing more satisfying than pasta with a little butter and Parmesan, and I add broccoli florets to balance things out, plus a little pepper and red pepper flakes for kicks. Insanely easy and all of the ingredients can be kept on hand pretty much indefinitely, so it’s ready to go whenever you need something FAST.

Poor Man’s Burrito Bowls – We all know burrito bowls are life (thanks, Chipotle!), but they don’t have to be fancy to be super delicious or satisfying. This is my pared down, no frills, as-simple-as-it-gets version of a burrito bowl because when you’re in college, ain’t nobody got time or money for all those fancy toppings! Bonus: you can meal prep these!

Creamy Tuna Pasta with Peas and Parmesan – Are you feeling homesick? This comfy pasta will remind you of home and those boxed pasta meals mom used to make, but it’s all simple ingredients that you can feel good about. This one is for those weekend that you can’t get home to see your mom (but sorry, I can’t help with your laundry).

Weeknight Black Bean Chili – I call this one “weeknight” black bean chili because it’s a super fast and easy version of chili. No need to let this one simmer on the stove top all day for maximum flavor. Throw this warm and hearty chili on the stove for your tailgating parties, or just when you need something to keep you warm and full as you study.

Dragon Noodles – And of course this list wouldn’t be complete without the classic Dragon Noodles. They’re faster than take-out, super delicious, and completely customizable. Throw in any vegetables you might in have in the fridge, or try changing up the sauce with a little peanut butter or lime. Browse through the comments to discover all the variations readers have made over the years!

One Pot Bacon Broccoli Mac and Cheese – If you think homemade mac and cheese is complicated, think again. This version uses ONE POT and comes together quickly without having to make a roux-based cheese sauce. Check out the plain (no bacon or broccoli) version here: Will It Skillet Mac and Cheese (it can be made in a pot instead of a skillet)

Snack Foods

Hearty Black Bean Quesadillas – Quesadillas are the perfect snack (just ask Taco Bell). This spicy vegetarian mix of black beans, corn, onion, and cheese is 100x better than anything you’ll get at the drive through. More flavor, more fiber, more filling, and still extremely easy. Promise.

Spinach Feta Grilled Cheese – Grilled cheese is the ultimate study/comfort food. Take it up a level with some frozen spinach, a little garlic, red pepper flakes, and feta. You now have a super fancy grilled cheese AND a good dose of vegetables. WIN.

Pizzadillas – When you have a pizza craving (when do you not have a pizza craving??) but don’t have the time or energy to make a homemade pizza yourself, pizzadillas are you quick and easy answer! Plus, without all that thick buttery crust, they’re probably a little more healthy, too. ;) No delivery fee for the win!!

Pizza Roll Ups – OR make your pizza in roll up form. It’s still way faster and easier than making traditional pizza, and a LOT less expensive than ordering delivery. These are great for football parties, too!

Caramelized Banana and Peanut Butter “Quesadillas” – If you have a sweet tooth, this is the PERFECT quick snack! Creamy peanut butter and caramelized banana slices make the perfect sweet and warm gooey filling for a crispy tortilla. YUM.

Ultimate BBQ Chicken Quesadillas – These are SO GOOD you guys! Plus you can make a batch ahead and stash them in your freezer. Then just warm them slowly in a skillet over low flame until they defrost and heat through, and the tortilla gets nice and crispy!

Homemade Freezer Garlic Bread – Put down that box of frozen garlic bread! It’s far too easy and inexpensive to make your own! Keep these garlic bread slices in your freezer and on hand for anytime that you get a craving. They also make a pretty killer grilled cheese sandwich, too. Talk about study fuel!

Creamy Black Bean Taquitos – Why is food so much better when you can dip it? I don’t know, but it’s true. These cute little vegetarian Creamy Black Bean Taquitos are the perfect snack for studying with their crispy exterior and creamy, cheesy filling. MMmmmmm.

Make Ahead Meals

Golden Milk Overnight Oats – Golden milk lattes are probably the hottest drink at that trendy cafe on the edge of campus, but you don’t need to spend $4.50 to get the health benefits of golden milk. Make it a meal by soaking your oats in the delicious golden milk overnight, so you have pre-made breakfasts to grab and go all week!

Make Ahead Microwave Breakfast Scrambles – If savory breakfasts are more your jam, try these make-ahead egg scrambles. The ingredients are customizable and all you have to do is add an egg, stir, and microwave each morning. Super fast and easy!

No Sugar Added Apple Pie Overnight Oats – This is another great make-ahead breakfast option that can easily be made vegan by using almond or soy milk. You won’t believe how much this tastes like apple pie, even without ANY added sugar!!

Make Ahead Bean and Cheese Burritos – Stock your fridge or freezer with these simple burritos and you WON’T be sorry. It’s such a relief to be able to just grab and reheat a burrito when you’re starving and homemade are way better than those sad little guys you buy in the freezer section of the grocery store.

Freezer Ready Mini Pizzas – Speaking of store bought convenience food, you can make your own little freezer snack pizzas, too! to avoid having to buy a million topping ingredients, hit your local salad bar to grab just a handful of each topping. ;)

5-Ingredient Freezer Biscuits – Okay, let’s be real. On Saturday morning when you have a hangover and you just want some comfort food without the work, you can grab a few of these biscuits out of the freezer, pop them in the oven, and have fresh, fluffy biscuits in just a few minutes. You can thank me later.

Easiest Burrito Bowl Meal Prep – I never get tired of burrito bowls, and thankfully they are just made for meal prepping. You can make a few for the week ahead, or stash them in the freezer for longer storage. Either way, it’s just a quick reheat to total burrito bowl bliss.

Cold Meals

Tuna and White Bean Salad – Tons of protein and fiber to keep you full and fueled through a long day of classes! Pack it up with some crackers for dipping, or stuff it into a tortilla to make a wrap, and you’re set. Oh, and NO MAYO. ;)

Spinach, Chickpea and Quinoa Salad – This amazing salad is packed with all the healthies, is hearty enough to act as a full meal, and somehow manages to hold up in the fridge without getting too wilty. It’s a total winner!

Curried Tofu Salad – Super simple prep, and it holds up in the fridge for days! You can serve it over a bed of greens as a salad, or make it a wrap by stuffing it into a tortilla. So fresh and light, it won’t make you groggy in those afternoon classes. ;)

Quinoa Tabbouleh – This is another great multi-purpose salad that you can make in the beginning of the week and serve several different ways over the next few days, so you don’t get tired of it! Stuff it into a pita, add some grilled chicken on top, or just serve it on its own. However you eat it, it’s so yummy you aren’t likely to get tired of it before you hit the bottom of the bowl.

Make Ahead Kale White Bean and Pesto Salad – Make ahead salads are my savior. This one uses kale, which is not only a nutrient superstar, but also hold up incredibly well in the fridge, and a simple jar of pesto as the “dressing.” The pesto also helps soften the kale and make it just that much more yummy!

Also check out my Meal Prep archives for plenty of ideas for packed lunches!

So there you have it, my top 30 Easy Recipes for College Students. What was/is your favorite recipes to help you get through the semester? Share in the comments below!

Source: https://www.budgetbytes.com/top-10-recipes-for-college-students/

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condorbill36-blog · 6 years ago

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Three “Real Food” Staples That Aren’t What You Think

This is a guest post from Vani Hari (a.k.a. The Food Babe) and New York Times Best Selling author. She has a new book coming out this week called Feeding You Lies!

Let’s take “real cheese” for example…

Another food to watch out for is cooking oil…

These mass-produced vegetable oils are also too high in omega-6 fatty acids, which fuel chronic inflammation in the body, leading to disease. Thankfully, there are much healthier choices.

Growing up we always had this in the fridge…

What you can do

What are the ingredients?

Are these ingredients nutritious?

Where do these ingredients come from?

Feeding You Lies is now available in bookstores everywhere. Pick up your copy here.

Source: https://www.100daysofrealfood.com/food-babe-feeding-you-lies-book/

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drawerevent03-blog · 6 years ago

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Cinnamon Crunch Cereal and Hemp Milk

“It is easier to change a man’s religion than to change his diet.” – Margaret Mead

Yup. Pretty much. This entire shift began when I had a particularly gnarly couple of months with manic mood swings that rivaled my adolescence, acne flare-ups, bloating, low energy, night sweats, and all-round malaise. Knowing what I know, I looked at my diet first to see what could be adjusted. Everything was organic, whole, plant-based and totally “healthy” by most peoples’ standards. But it just wasn’t working anymore. I knew something had to give.

Delving in deeper, a typical day for me was a whole-grain porridge in the morning, topped with all kinds of seasonal fruit, homemade granola etc. Lunch was a couple slices of organic sourdough rye bread from the local bakery, with homemade hummus, avocado, sprouts etc. Dinner was often a mixed bowl, the base of which was brown rice, quinoa, millet or buckwheat covered in a rainbow of vegetables, homemade pickles, superfood-loaded sauce, and fresh herbs. I wasn’t eating sugar, drinking coffee, I was keeping up with my exercise and sleeping well. So what was the problem? In this case, I had a feeling it was a big ol’ grain overload.

The idea of cutting back on my morning oats, bread, and grain bowls was literally devastating to me. I cried. On multiple occasions, just talking about giving up muffins made me weep, and I felt like there was just no way I could make even more changes, or think about my diet even more than I already did.

I have had two serious experiences with orthorexia in my life. For those of you who don’t know what orthorexia is, it is defined as an obsession with healthy eating. It is considered an eating disorder, and one that is becoming more prevalent in Western culture as healthy eating becomes increasingly “trendy”. The first bout happened the year I moved out of the house to study at university. While many of my friends were bingeing on junk food and beer, I swung in the opposite direction entirely and took advantage of the incredible meal program that was offered at school, and fueled myself with enormous salads, delicious sandwiches and wraps, veggie-heavy soups and stews, and protein-rich smoothies. I also signed up for the free fitness classes at the university gym, got hooked on kickboxing, step aerobics, boot camp drills, and the weight literally fell off me. I lost about 25 pounds that year, and for the first time in my life I felt like I was in control of the way I looked. The sudden attention from guys – which I had never had before – further stoked the fires for my desire to be even thinner, even though my initial motivation to eat this way stemmed from a desire to be healthy. As my attitude towards food morphed from friend to enemy, I flirted with a full-on eating disorder at this point, playing games with myself to see how long I could go without eating, how many exercise classes I could fit in between classes and study groups, how long I could make my bean salad from lunch last (too long!). Eventually my energy levels dropped to the point where I had a very hard time getting out of bed in the morning and I couldn’t concentrate well in school. I realized that I had taken things too far and started eating in a more balanced way again. I put the experience behind me without giving it too much thought.

The second time this resurfaced was, ironically, while studying holistic nutrition. While I was learning all about foods and how my body worked, I became almost afraid to eat, toxifying my body, or “poisoning” it with sugar, gluten, dairy and the rest. I became obsessed with detoxing and subsisted only on “clean foods”; mostly vegetables. I was stressed, my hair started falling out, my acne came back and my energy hit an all-time low. Despite my obvious physical misery, I somehow felt validated since I wasn’t putting anything “bad” in my body. Eating as healthy as possible became obsessive for me and my classmates, and we’d all proudly bring our lunches to school, subtly scrutinizing each other’s Tupperware contents. Again, food had lost its pleasure, its joy, and had become something that I saw as more of an enemy than a friend. And that really scared me.

After graduating, I finally got a grip, and once again slowly re-established a healthy relationship to what I was eating. It is for these reasons that food is such a tender subject for me, and changing my diet dangerous territory. I spent so many years struggling to achieve a positive connection with food, and when I finally got there and it felt like such a relief. The prospect of having to go “back to that place” of thinking about food more than I already did felt unsafe for me, and slipping back into an obsessive place felt like an inevitability. Meanwhile, the negative self-talk voices were loud and overpowering, telling me how I was fat, flabby, weak, old – things that I KNEW weren’t true. But that’s the sad thing about internal monologues, they don’t need to make sense to play like broken records in our minds all day every day. It’s enough to drive a person insane. The cruel voices coupled with my extreme fear of reverting back to my old thought patterns and eating habits absolutely terrified me. I felt like I had hit a wall of hopelessness. And all I wanted to do to feel better was to eat a piece of eff-ing bread.

The reason I suspected the grain thing was because of the unique relationship that blood sugar has to our hormones. If we’re consuming carbohydrates at a faster rate than our bodies are utilizing them for energy, that extra glucose gets stored in the fat cells of the liver, which decreases its ability to breakdown excess estrogen, and allowing it to hang around in our systems longer than it should. This excess circulating estrogen causes a whole host of symptoms, including, you guessed it: mood swings, bloating, sluggish metabolism, tender breasts, fatigue, foggy thinking, PMS, and many more less-than-desirable issues. Now, these things can be exacerbated by stress (shocker), inadequate fat and protein intake, and environmental factors, all of which I was likely suffering from.

I set out by making a plan, since I know how hard it is to make positive changes without preparation. Instead of focusing on the all the things I wanted to reduce or eliminate, I focused on the foods I could have, foods higher in fat and protein, since I knew that those things would naturally elbow out the things I would normally fall back on (I’m looking at you, banana bread). I made a list that I could refer to when I was grocery shopping for ingredients. I cooked and froze things. I stocked the fridge and pantry. I was ready.

Within the first few days I already noticed a difference: my energy was incredibly stable, my emotions were in check, the bloating in my stomach dissipated, and I just felt good. As the days rolled on my compulsive urges to down half a dozen muffins subsided, and it was like I could clearly see that what I had actually been battling was blood sugar issues – not just “too many” grains or carbohydrates. It became clear that I had been taking my bod on a wild rollercoaster of high and low blood sugar for years, which had in turn been tossing my hormones around like a pair of sneakers in a washing machine. Stabilizing blood sugar is the first step in managing your endocrine’s system ability to do its job properly. I realized that if I was going to eat grains (or any carbohydrate-heavy food), I had to eat them in smaller amounts, balance them out thoughtfully with enough fat and protein, and make sure that I was actually using that energy instead of letting it sit around in my body. So far, things have been going incredibly well, and I am so darn proud of myself for not only identifying the issue, but actually doing something about it.

We are fluid beings with needs that evolve and change over time. Our diets need to reflect that, which is why it’s imperative to listen to our bodies and be advocates for our own health. No one knows your body better than you, and once you quiet all the noise out there telling you “how” to eat in black-and-white terms, you’ll be able to hear yourself, without judgement, and choose the way of eating that is just right for you, right now. It may be different tomorrow, and that is okay too. In sharing this all with you, I am trying to set an example, because you too have this intuition that is telling you just what you need to eat and do right now. It’s actually fun to be connected to yourself, your unique rhythms and needs. Learning about how you operate and designing a plan that caters to your exceptional self means that you can celebrate, instead of berate your body the whole month through, and experience pleasure in every stage of our cycle. I promise.

This is undoubtedly a huge topic, and one that I plan on chipping away at over the next few blog posts. Some things I want to reiterate here are, that I do not believe that grains or carbohydrates are bad. No natural food group should be vilified, just as no macronutrient should be either. If you’re thinking about giving up carbs, I’d advise you not to. Glucose, the sugar found in carbohydrates is your brain’s primary fuel source, and when consumed responsibly, carbs will help you on your wellness journey, not hinder you. I still stand behind each and every one of the recipes that I have created for this blog, the app, and both of my cookbooks, and I believe that they are appropriate for many people to enjoy. However at this stage of my life, some of the recipes do not serve my needs any longer, and I’ve had to make small changes to them, or put them on the shelf for another time. I’m okay with that.

Whew! Now for some notes on the recipe.

The base recipe for my Cinnamon Toast Crunch-inspired cereal is grain-free, but it does rely on almond flour, which can be expensive. If you can tolerate pseudo-grains, feel free to top up the base with buckwheat flour. This will bulk up the cereal considerably so you’ll have more for less money.

This cereal is r-i-c-h. You really only need a small amount to fuel you in the morning – not like the bottomless bowls of that we’re used to consuming in the morning without every really feeling satisfied, ya know what I mean? And paired with a luscious liquid like my Super Creamy Hemp Milk will keep you full for even longer, help stabilize your blood sugar, not to mention flood your bod with the delicate nutrients and powerful enzymes that store-bought, plant-based milk is missing. This recipe is dead simple and pretty much like cream – I shouldn’t even call it milk, since it’s so rich and thick. And since we’re thinking outside the cereal box here, don’t stop at breakfast…this milk is amazing in coffee and tea, in raw treats and baked goods, soup, smoothies, ice cream and popsicles. You’re gonna love it!

I made the cereal the first time with just almond flour and a full half-cup of applesauce. It was definitely delicious, but I loved it just as much when I cut this amount in half. If you don’t want all the sweetness, use just ¼ cup / 60ml of applesauce instead of the full amount. If you’re using buckwheat flour, you will need the full amount of the applesauce’s moisture to bind it all together. I haven’t tried a version without the coconut sugar, so if you’re not into that stuff feel free to play with the recipe on your own.

Print recipe

Grain-free / Gluten-free Cinnamon Crunch Cereal Makes 5-7 servings

Ingredients: ½ cup ground flax seeds / 50g 1 ½ cups / 150g blanched almond flour 1½ Tbsp. cinnamon ¼ tsp. fine sea salt ¼ cup / 35g coconut sugar ¼ cup / 60ml – ½ cup / 125ml applesauce (½ cup / 125ml if using buckwheat flour) 1 Tbsp. coconut oil, melted optional: ½ cup / 85g buckwheat flour

Directions: 1. Preheat oven to 325°F/160°C.

2. Combine the ground flax seeds, almond flour, cinnamon, salt, and sugar in a large mixing bowl. Stir well. Then add the desired amount of applesauce and coconut oil, and stir to fully incorporate (you made need to use your hands if it gets too dry). Gather dough into a rough ball.

3. Place dough ball on a sheet of baking paper with another sheet on top. Using a rolling pin, roll the dough as evenly as possible, about 2mm thickness (not quite paper thin). If you’re using buckwheat flour, you’ll need to separate the dough into two batches to achieve this. Remove top sheet of baking paper, and using a paring knife, score the dough into small squares of your desired size (mine were about 1.5cm / .5” square).

4. Place in the oven to bake for about approximately 25 minutes until turning golden around the edges, then turn the oven off and let the cereal sit in there until cool (this will help dry it out and make them extra crisp).

5. Once the cereal is completely cool, break up the pieces into squares and place in an airtight glass container. Store for up to one month at room temperature.

Super Creamy Hemp Milk Makes 1 liter / 1 quart

Ingredients: scant 4 cups / 1 liter water ¾ cup hulled hemp seeds / hemp hearts

Totally optional add-ins: sweetener (stevia, dates, honey, maple syrup…) vanilla sea salt raw cacao powder

Directions: 1. Place all ingredients in the blender and blend on high until smooth (this make take a couple minutes). 2. Pour directly into a sterilized bottle and store in the fridge for up to 5 days.

Initially, I was really afraid to come out about any of this stuff – the changes my diet is undergoing, the orthorexia, the internal voices! But I know in my gut that if I’m going through it, someone else out there is too. And the reason I wanted to start My New Roots in the first place was to create a safe space for everyone to share and support each other on our health journeys, so I have to be as transparent and honest as I feel I can be to set that example. I want to say a huge heartfelt thank-you to all of you who have stood by me all of these years and continue to do so. It feels pretty amazing to have you, and to be getting better all together.

In light and gratitude, Sarah B.

*****

Also… There’s one spot left for the upcoming retreat in Ibiza, click here to join me for a week of total inspiration and rejuvenation!

Source: https://www.mynewroots.org/site/2017/08/cinnamon-crunch-cereal-hemp-milk/

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