#i noticed this in my first watch tbh i just . forgot to talk about it . | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

makochi-furin · 5 months ago

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Hii hii! I hope your doing okay today or tonight, I was wondering if you could write something for dazai (idm if it’s scenario, hc or mix of it and if you add another character you really want to write about).

The request basically is; a reader who finally told Dazai about their past abuser, how they got away with no consequences (who reader mentioned seeing sometimes in the city) and later said abuser goes to the agency on behalf their company to investigate missing items.

Stuff like this is really comforting for me so thank you if you do it :D I hope I put in enough detail for you to work with.

DAZAI AND CONSEQUENCES

A/N: baby, I’m so sorry, but this is long asf and I got a lil carried away💀 I’m also sorry it took a bit to get out. I work in a nursery, so I work 12 hours shifts, and this got to me slam in the middle of my first one (out of three in a row). If this isn’t what you wanted, you can send me in another ask :) But I hope you like it

WARNING(s): reader was in a physically abusive relationship in the past, mentions of PTSD, canon-typical violence, mentions of panic attacks, pissed off dazai, reader is a girl

—I'm gonna assume this is like a pt. 2 of this writing, but it can stand alone, too :)

—We all know Dazai is megamind over here. He sees EVERYTHING. Nothing goes unnoticed by him (which you probably find a little annoying, tbh, but oh, well). It's especially annoying when he knows things about you that you don't necessarily want him to know

—HOWEVER, if it's something that you physically and emotionally feel like you cannot talk about, like it brings you distress and discomfort, he's very unlikely to push you about it. Let's be honest, this man's probably never even told you the name of his parents. You don't even know if Dazai Osamu IS his real name, so he knows he hasn't got room to talk

—I feel like if Dazai noticed something about your mannerisms, or the way you act that very obviously speaks to past trauma, he'd ask you about it, like in my previous writing. If you're unable or unwilling to talk about it, he drops it. He SO desperately wants to know, but he cares for you too much to put you in any sort of emotional distress by pushing it

—When you do decide to open up to him, he's all ears. He knows how hard it is to speak about the shadows of your past, and he honestly is just so flattered that you trust him (he can't believe it, lmao. Like, three people in his life truly trust him) enough to tell him about it

—You were sitting on the edge of the bathtub in Osamu's apartment, absently watching him comb through his wet hair. The two of you had showered together, and you couldn't help but notice over the months of your relationship how much he had changed.

Osamu was flighty at first, and very distrustful. He wasn't a fan of placing himself in vulnerable positions. Not just to you, but to anyone. Yet, when you'd gently brought up his lack of self care, and how it made you sad to see the person you loved think so little of themselves, a change happened.

You helped, of course. At first, you reminded him to brush his teeth when he forgot, and then you began combing his hair. You'd point out when it was time to change his bandages, and call him to bed at an acceptable time because you knew he'd just stay up until the early hours of the morning (if he slept at all). Together, you two had even begun cooking meals, and he'd started to fill out a little bit.

Now, he made sure to do all of those things, even if you didn't remind him/cook with him, because he felt better, yes, but also because he could see how happy it made you.

He was still suffering from chronic depression, of course. You knew you couldn't fix that, and were thinking about gently bringing up a therapist to him, but he had gotten so much better. Even his coworkers noticed it.

Osamu dragged a comb through his brown waves, eyes narrowed as he focused intently on it. It meant so much to you. How could he not focus on it?

You knew it, too. He would've never made these changes for himself, but he had begun to trust that you had his best interest at heart. A few weeks ago, he'd even opened up about some of his own traumas surrounding Mori and the Port Mafia, about his best friend, Oda Sakunosuke.

Osamu trusted you.

That was why it felt so wrong to keep your own past from him, because he was finally starting to open up. You feared if you didn't return the favor, he'd wilt again. More so, you'd recently been catching yourself let parts of the story slip. Subconsciously, you wanted so badly to tell him.

"What are you thinking so hard about?" He asked lightly, brown eyes sparkling with so much affection that it had your breath catching. Osamu was watching you from the mirror.

You blinked, realizing you'd been out of it for a moment, lost in thought. In your lap, you fiddled with your fingers. Part of you wanted to shut down as your heart plummeted at the thought of reliving the worst of it...

But the way he looked at you, like you hung the sun and the stars, like he felt such fondness for you that 'I love you' simply didn't cut it...

It was time to tell him.

"Can... Can we talk?" you asked, surprised by the softness of your voice. It was almost ashamed, but you knew you shouldn't feel shame for what had happened to you.

Only, you were so scared he'd feel ashamed of you.

Osamu was a great aim, and he was smart as a whip, and he was oddly strong for his thin figure. He'd never let himself stay in the sort of situation you did. He'd fight back.

You felt so small.

He turned to look at you, leaning back on the bathroom counter. His eyes were gentle and knowing, and you couldn't tell if you were upset that he already knew what this was about, or relieved. "Of course," he said with a little smile, squatting down in front of you and taking your hands in his. "What about?"

You gulped, knowing there was no turning back now. If you told him this, you'd be trusting him with probably the worst part of your life. Even imagining it, the past with him, made you sick to your stomach.

You knew you'd backtrack if you didn't just rip it off like a bandaid.

"I overreact to things sometimes," you whispered, and he squeezed your hands. "I'm sure you've noticed it."

"I wouldn't use the word 'overreact.'"

You chewed on your lips nervously, staring into his eyes. Thankfully, all you saw there was understanding, but it was still so hard. "My ex beat me. For years... Anytime I did... anything, pretty much. It was bad." Your voice cracked as you continued, tears welling in your eyes. "I couldn't see my family... I ended up in the ER a few times. He broke me, Osamu. He had me convinced I'd never trust another man."

You waited with baited breath for his reaction, trying to hold in the tears. Your eyes stung and your breathing was speeding up into gasps, because you hadn't even told your family or closest friends the full extent of it.

Osamu looked oddly calm, but at the sight of your fallen tears, he got up to sit beside you. Wrapping an arm around your shoulders, he pulled you in close, flush against him, and kissed your temple. "Breathe, baby. It's all right now," he whispered, squeezing you close.

You couldn't stop it now, though. What had been building up since you left your ex was being released right here, right now. There was no turning back. Hot tears rolled down your cheeks and clouded your eyesight. Subconsciously, you grabbed his shirt in a tight grip and squeezed until your hand ached.

"He beat the shit out of me, and nothing ever happened," you continued, the anguish in your voice now laced by anger. "He broke my collarbone... my jaw—my ribs and my wrist. He made me feel like an ant, like I was so small, and I still feel that way now, and even after I left him... I'm still suffering, but he gets to go about his life like it was nothing. I couldn't even go to the police—he said he'd kill me," you got out through gasps, squeezing your eyes closed as your vision had started to darken at the edges, anyways.

Osamu's eyes flashed with something you didn't recognize, but all he knew to do was pull you in tighter. He placed a hand on your head and pulled you into his chest, and you certainly weren't trying to resist.

"It's not fair," you added, knowing how childish you sounded. Nothing was ever fair. Here you were, saying all this to a man who had probably done much worse than just break people's bones, complaining about fairness.

You weren't a child. You knew life wasn't fair, but that didn't mean it didn't fucking suck that it wasn't.

"Sometimes, I still see him, you know... In town, I—" You had to stop, otherwise you'd make it worse for yourself.

He held you close, rubbing your back and gently scratching your scalp as he whispered for you to breathe. Osamu knew you were about to land neck deep into a panic attack.

Eventually, he did get you calmed down. He got you to bed, made you a mug of hot chocolate, and read to you for about thirty minutes before you were able to catch your breath, his smooth voice calming you better than any benzo could.

In the end, you two lied down together, your back pressed to his front. The bandaged arm that was wrapped around your waist felt like a safety blanket. You were sure you'd be embarrassed about your outburst tomorrow, but for right now, you simply soaked up the feeling of him wrapped around you so snugly.

"You're not small," he whispered to you, and that was the last thing you remembered before passing out.

—Dazai doesn't seem different to you afterwards, in that he doesn't act differently towards you. You were worried at first that he'd see you differently, that he'd see you as being as weak as you saw yourself, but it was the furthest thing from. He respects the hell out of people who can go through such terrible things, and yet come out so kind, so good

—While he doesn't seem different, inwardly you can bet he's raging. Dazai is PISSED OFF, more than he's been in years. He's made great progress, but let's not forget that Dazai can be a cruel mf. He's got a darkness in him that he doesn't want you to see, but it is definitely there

—He doesn't press you for anymore details, but he can't help himself. He digs. He uses his brilliance to find out who the guy is, who his name is, and any time he feels even a slight bit of guilt at digging into your past life without your knowledge, he reminds himself of the injuries you listed.

—You thought he'd forget the things you admitted during your confession? PLEASE. He needs to know everything about this fucking piece of work. If he has a photo, he might even text it to Chuuya, along with a message "wanted alive," and you best bet Chuuya takes it seriously (even if he hates Dazai, lmao) because just by LOOKING at the photo of this guy, everyone can tell he's an asshole. And you still see this mf sometimes? Man is RAGING

—Dazai stands on business, because seeing you so torn up about it physically hurts him. It makes his heart ache every time he remembers you in that state. He can't fucking stand it, and he has to do something about it

—Your words about it being unfair haunt him in his nightmares. You're right to a degree: the world isn't fair. However, Dazai knows that if it takes him a million years, he's gonna make this shit fair

—Then, what do you know, one day he's at the office and Atsushi comes strolling in with a Manila folder and the piece of shit, himself. There he is, practically served to Dazai on a silver platter

—"This is Tanaka Jiro," Atsushi chirped, missing the way Dazai's eyes widened when he saw the new client. "He's here on behalf of the engineering company that got broken into last night."

Dazai sat up in his chair, staring right at the man who had the gall to make you feel small and weak. His eyes darkened, and then he slowly smiled. It wasn't happy or gentle, or even playful and teasing.

He smiled like Mori smiled.

In that moment, if his coat was black instead of tan, he'd look the picture of his younger, crueler self. He supposed that part of him never went away, always there just at the edge of his subconscious.

He promised Odasaku that he'd push it away, that he'd do good. However, he felt that even Odasaku, his kind friend, would understand the necessity of it now.

Immediately, he jumped out of his chair and made his way over. His hand landed on Atsushi's hair, giving it a playful ruffle. As he looked at him, his eyes softened. "Maa, Atsushi-kun. You work too hard, you know. I'll take this case for you."

Atsushi stared at him with obvious shock, eyes wide and jaw on the floor, because Dazai never, ever volunteered to work. If anything, he complained about it like a child.

"D-Dazai-san?" he breathed, in disbelief. It looked like he thought someone had killed the real Dazai, and was now acting in his place.

"Ah, ah," Dazai chirped, shoving Atsushi away. "Go do normal teenager things. Flirt, make friends," his voice trailed off as his gaze slid to Tanaka, your ex, and the smirk lifted his lips once more, eyes flashing dangerously, "all of that."

"O-Okay," Atsushi mumbled, still in shock. He recovered quickly, smiling brightly at Tanaka. "Dazai-san is a very good detective, Tanaka-san. You're in good hands!" he promised.

Tanaka smiled back, and seeing the bastard have the audacity to smile had Dazai seething internally.

Maybe, he'd take all his teeth, so that he could never smile again.

"Thank you for your help, Nakajima-kun," Tanaka said, nodding.

As Atsushi walked off, Dazai tilted his head to the side, his plan already formed. "Follow me to answer some questions, and then I'll begin investigating right away."

—For Dazai's plan to pay off, he needs to figure out who broke into the company. It wasn't a planned event, and he quickly figured out the guy who did it probably had no connection to the company (probably just a low down thief looking for some quick cash), which made it more difficult. It was the sort of not-really-a-big-deal crime that the agency would usually put on the back burner (the only reason it even came to them was because the thief was figured to be gifted), but Dazai worked tirelessly at it

—He interviewed people, looked over documents from dusk to dawn, and just generally put in a hell of a lot more effort for this than he usually would for some petty theft

—You probably even notice how hard he's working. There are bags under his eyes and he's back to not taking very good care of himself, but when you ask about it (obviously worried), he just smiles gently, kisses you, and assures you that he'll have this case figured out in no time. He doesn't want you anywhere near this

—When he does find the criminal, their interaction goes something like this:

"I know you did it. Give me the shit you stole, and I'll let you off."

"Bet."

—He has this part meticulously planned out. While your ex is in work one day, Dazai plants the stolen items in his car, and then calls the company security

—He watches with glee as he's dragged from the building, kicking and screaming like an enraged toddler, and fired on the spot. Your ex's livelihood? Gone. Phase one? Completed

—Dazai sat at his desk with a satisfied smile, chin resting in the palm of his hand as he counted down in his head. Everyone else is entrenched in their own workloads, barely even noticing the malicious sparkle in Dazai's eyes.

Soon enough, the door bursted open, and your ex came running in. His eyes were rimmed red, like he'd been crying, and he was flushed all over from rage. "What the fuck did you do?!" he demanded, pointing at Dazai.

"What do you mean?" he asked innocently, standing and walking over with the same smile.

Everyone else stopped what they were doing, watching the scene with widened, or curious eyes. This sort of thing didn't happen much at the ADA.

"You know what the fuck I mean, you piece of shit!" Tanaka screamed in his face, and it only made Dazai's smile widen. When he saw this, he hissed, "I think we should take this outside."

"Hold on," demanded Atsushi, immediately standing from his desk, along with Kyouka and Kenji.

Dazai didn't even look at them, staring into Tanaka's eyes, as he held up his hand to stop them in their tracks. The smile melted off his face, replaced by a cold glare and lips pressed into a line. "I'm fine," he assured them, light tone not at all matching his expression.

"But—Dazai-san," Atsushi mumbled, eyes flickering between Dazai and Tanaka.

"You guys are so dramatic," Ranpo said with a roll of his eyes, absently watching the scene from his desk, which his feet were propped up on. "Dazai-kun said it's fine."

Dazai tilted his head mockingly at Tanaka. "Are we going outside?"

That, they did. Tanaka stomped down the stairs and through the cafe, out onto the crowded streets of Yokohama.

Dazai followed, of course, even as Tanaka led him towards a darkened alleyway, obstructed from the view of the general public. Inwardly, he thought that this guy was making it way too easy. He was an idiot.

Tanaka stared at the dead end wall for a minute, and then let out a cry of rage, turned on his heel, and began running at Dazai with his arm pulled back and his hand clenched into a fist.

Nonplussed, Dazai side stepped it, loving every minute of the surprise on Tanaka's face. "What? Did you think fighting someone your own size would be as easy as beating on a girl?"

That had Tanaka freezing immediately. "What the fuck are you talking about?" he growled out, and Dazai almost laughed at his attempt to be menacing and scary.

Right on time, a black SUV pulled up. He might not be in the mafia anymore, but Dazai had plenty of contacts from it. When masked men jumped out of the vehicle, surrounding Tanaka, Dazai smirked at the look of pure terror on his face.

"Don't play dumb. You aren't handsome enough to pull it off," he said lightly, and then laughed as Tanaka tried to call for help.

He was knocked out before he could.

When he awoke, eyes all bleary and with a searing headache, he was in a big, dark warehouse. It was old and beaten, with leaking pipes and creaky doors. He was sitting in a chair, hands cuffed together behind him.

Tanaka screamed.

Dazai walked in front of him casually, hands tucked into his pockets. "Scream all you like. No one will hear you," he said.

"Why are you doing this?! Who even are you, man?!" Tanaka cried, the tears falling down his cheeks. He looked so pathetic.

Dazai loved every second of it.

He hummed, walking forward until he was right in front of the bastard, footsteps echoing around the wide open space. Grabbing a fist full of Tanaka's hair, Dazai yanked his head back, so he'd be looking up at him, so he could see the icy glare, the hate.

"You hurt someone I'm very fond," Dazai said softly, tilting his head. "You hurt someone I love... And ever since she told me, I've been thinking of ways to make it fair for her. It's all I've thought about.

"She's not like you and me, you know. She's kind. She's sweet. She's good. You," Dazai scoffed, "you're pathetic. A man who has to beat defenseless women to feel good about himself is no man." When he leaned in close, so his lips were inching his ear, Tanaka whimpered. "And me? I'm the worst of the worst."

Now, all Tanaka could do was cry and plead, but Dazai wasn't having any of it. He let go of Tanaka's hair, letting his head fall limply, enjoying the sounds of his uttered prayer. "No god can save you from me," he told him in a pleasant voice, taking a few steps back.

Dazai crossed his arms and hummed thoughtfully, making a show of it. "I thought I could just kill you, but that's not really fair, is it? She has to live with what you did to her, and I think the fairest thing would be if you have to live with what I do to you."

"You're fucking psychotic," Tanaka whispered.

"Ah," Dazai agreed easily. "I've always been more of a proponent of revenge, rather than justice. See, she probably just wishes you'd have gone to jail." His casual tone melted into something deeper and smoother, deadlier. "Whereas I'm more of an eye-for-an-eye kind of guy, so..." He pursed his lips in faux thought, looking up at the ceiling. "What was it she said?"

Tanaka stared at him in horror, especially when Dazai stared him straight in the eye and smiled.

"Right. Broken jaw, collarbone, ribs, and wrist!" He said, snapping as if he'd just remembered it, as if your broken confession hadn't been causing him physical pain this whole time. "I have plenty of history with breaking jaws, so I guess we'll start there. What do you say?" he asked brightly.

Tanaka screamed again, the sound becoming a cry of raw terror as Dazai began walking towards him.

An hour later, Tanaka still sat in his chair, still handcuffed, but he was bloody and bruised. Every injury he inflicted on you, Dazai returned tenfold. He was delirious with pain, and in and out of consciousness.

Dazai grunted when he looked down at his hands, seeing the blood that absolutely coated his knuckles and bandages. He'd have to clean that up before coming home to you.

"You up?" he asked, walking closer.

When Tanaka immediately flinched back, Dazai hummed with satisfaction.

"I won't kill you," he said, as if he was doing Tanaka some great favor. "You're going to go about your pathetic, little life with no job, and every time you look at yourself, you'll remember this pain. You'll finally feel at least a fraction of what she did."

Tanaka just whimpered. It was hard to speak with a shattered jaw.

Dazai smiled at the sound, crouching down in front of him to force Tanaka to look him in the face, in the eyes. "The men who kidnapped you are going to drop you off at a hospital. They'll ask what happened, and you'll be tempted to tell them. So," his tone lowered into a hiss, breaking the somewhat casual facade now that Tanaka had physically felt his anger. There was no point hiding it now. "I'll tell you the same thing you told her at her lowest point, that defenseless girl who didn't stand a chance against a piece of shit like you: tell the cops, and I'll kill you."

Dazai stood, jaw clenched. "And I'll be watching you from now. Step a toe out of line, hurt anyone else, and I'll bring you right back here. Only, that time, I'll probably just go ahead and do the whole world a favor, and shoot you in the head.

"I bet no one would miss you at all, because that's how small you are."

With that, he walked away.

—I know that was pretty brutal, but to be honest, y'all, Dazai was a whole ass executive in the PM (the 'demon prodigy'). He tries to hold it back in the ADA (per his promise to Oda and his care for the others), but let's not kid ourselves. The guy does have the capacity to do some really evil shit, and I think if he'd do it for anyone, it'd be you

—It just pisses him off so much to feel helpless, especially when it comes to you. He couldn't save you, then, but he can damn well set the record straight. In his head, he had to do something. At the very least, he had to stop this guy from doing it again

—You were eating dinner with him that night, and hadn't really noticed anything out of the ordinary. Both of you were just sitting at the counter, digging into some instant ramen, and you probably wouldn't have noticed if you didn't pay such close attention to him.

There was a speck of blood on the collar of his coat.

"Hey, what happened?" you asked, concern pinching together your brows. Worried eyes scanned him over, looking for any sign of injury. You found none, though.

"It's not mine," Osamu answered, and then took a bite of his food, looking pointedly away from you.

You pursed your lips, tapping his wrist. "We don't lie to each other, O-sa-mu."

He couldn't help but smile a little at your tone. His eyes finally met your's, and he tapped your wrist back. "It's not a lie. It's-not-mine."

"It's a lie by omission if you don't tell me what happened."

You were terribly confused when his eyes softened, and then he gently pressed his hand to the back of your head, bringing you closer until your foreheads were touching. "What's wrong?" you mumbled.

"I can't tell you everything," he admitted slowly, eyes shut. He looked so peaceful, like he was where he was meant to me. Honestly, when Osamu was all soft like this, it took your breath away.

"Then tell me part of it," you breathed, reaching up to cup your hand around his neck. "Did something happen?"

He stayed quiet for a long time, though you didn't know how long. It was like he was contemplating something serious, and that both confused and worried you.

When he finally did speak, it felt like time froze. Everything froze.

"I made it fair. He won't ever hurt anyone else again. I made sure of it."

The words were a whispered promise, and you automatically knew what he was talking about, of course. He was mysterious, and he had been distrustful at first, and you knew he had once been in the mafia, but he was also the person you trusted the most in the world.

Osamu always went above and beyond for you, and you didn't feel as safe anywhere as you did with him.

You believed him wholeheartedly, and found that this admission was enough. You didn't need to know the details, and probably wouldn't want to.

The relief you felt was enough.

"Thank you, Osamu."

—Look, he's so bby girl with you, but he don't play when it comes to your abusive ex💀

—Just... just honestly don't fuck with the people this guy loves, okay? He's gd diabolical, and he can be so cruel to those that hurt who he cares about, so... Just watch it if you're tryna show out to his girl, okay, lmao

#dazai osamu x reader #osamu dazai x reader #dazai x reader #dazai osamu x you #osamu dazai x you #dazai x you #bungou stray dogs #dazai osamu #makochi’s hc/scenario mix

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slackerlifewhere · 7 months ago

Text

In defense of Ron Molan

Since I already wrote a post about Deruth, I'm going to make one for Ron as well because I'm absolutely confused why some readers hate him too.

Fair warning once again, if you haven't read or finished the first volume of TCF, please be prepared for SPOILERS. Thanks!

So...this is going to be a long post too. Be prepared lmao

Isekai and Abandonment

Like with Deruth, the most common thing some readers hate about Ron, is how he abandoned OG Cale and didn't seem to notice a difference when Cale and Kim Rok Soo got swapped.

Like I mentioned in my post about Deruth, please put yourself in their shoes before criticizing or hating them. Imagine this.

You noticed that a friend or family of yours, someone who you know for how many years, suddenly changed. The changes aren't obvious. There are some parts of their personality that are still them and some that have changed. What would you first think?

Transmigration? Long lost twin? Clone? Possession? No. The first thing you'll probably think is they have a problem that they can't tell you or maybe they just want to change. You'll be confused but you won't think too much about it. It happened but what are you gonna do about it? Ask them? And if they don't tell you why, would you push for it? Maybe you'll continue to watch and see if you'll find something incriminating but it won't ever answer your questions unless the other person talks.

So is Ron at fault for not noticing this after serving OG Cale since he was a baby (and changed his diapers lmao)?

Yes and no.

He should've asked Cale, former KRS, more about the topic. He should've pushed because he's an assassin. It's his job to know more. But he didn't push because there is some truth to Cale's first impression of Ron.

He cares for OG Cale but it's not enough for him to leave behind his thirst for revenge and completing his goals. And in all honesty, I find it logical for him to leave OG Cale to join Choi Han in TBoaH.

He lost his whole family to Arm, with only Beacrox as his reminder of what he lost. He was accepted as a butler for the Henituse family but that doesn't mean he forgot his past as an assassin. He'll always be an assassin and he'll leave behind whatever attachments he has depending on how useful that attachment is.

He only stayed in TCF because OG Cale was replaced with Kim Rok Soo. He was intrigued but not enough to completely leave his mission. It only changed when Cale got angry when he lost his arm and helped him gain a new one. He now owes Cale a debt.

Before, he owes the Henituse family a debt because they gave him a place where he and his son can hide in. He repaid that by being their butler and possible protector from other assassins or danger (tbh I dunno if they know he's an assassin). Still, his mind is focused on any opportunity to find and kill the organization that ruined his life. So it was easy for him to leave when he first noticed the connection Choi Han has with Arm.

Saying he abandoned Cale because he doesn't care is not completely wrong but it's also not completely right. He has layers. (Like Shrek and his onion lmao)

Lemon tea and Scary butlers

Another reason why some readers don't like Ron is, funnily enough, because of the lemon tea that he keeps giving Cale. And because he scares Cale.

Lemon tea? Seriously?

Some say Cale hates it and Ron keeps giving the drink. They say it shows that he doesn't care about his master and that he disrespects him. And yet, here I am just finding this absolutely hilarious.

Personally, I don't like tea so I understand why Cale doesn't like lemon tea. But I just see this interaction with Ron as a comedic relief and them bonding in their weird way. Sure, it gets repetitive, but after looking up what benefits a person gets from drinking lemon tea and knowing all the mess Cale gets into 24/7, it's pretty tame that lemon tea is the only thing he gives to Cale. These two are so emotionally stunted but that doesn't mean Cale will stay quiet if he truly doesn't like the tea Ron keeps giving him.

He's the master and Ron is the butler. Ron and Beacrox are both loyal to him. He can order Ron to stop giving him lemon tea anytime he wants. He talked down stupid nobles and priests for worse things they did and didn't do (because of Mary). I don't believe he can't tell Ron that he's being disrespectful to Cale as his butler.

If your reason is Cale is too scared of Ron to tell him to stop, then I think you don't understand their dynamic.

Cale finds everyone, not just Ron, scary. He finds the kids scary. He finds Choi Han scary. He finds the Whale Tribe scary. They're OP and can kill him before he can blink. And yet he's very close to all of them.

Ron scares him because Ron is an assassin and is very good at his job. And honestly? A normal person would be scared of Ron. But the difference is, Cale is not normal and he can also kill anyone if he wants to (are his ancient powers and skills he gained as KRS decoration to you guys?). Him being "scared" is him being respectful of Ron's abilities. He acknowledges Ron's strength but also finds the way he smiles when he can kill someone, "scary" (understandable).

So no, the whole lemon tea thing and him being scared of Ron that he can't tell him to stop giving the stupid tea doesn't make sense as a reason for hating or disliking Ron.

Oh, and last thing.

Ron actually gave Cale a sweet tea once early in the novel. I think it was before the war and Cale was stressed with a lot of things, including maintaining the shield around the territory. So...yeah, he shows concern for Cale in his own twisted way.

Again, layers.

___

That's my opinion about the matter. In short, Ron is a human being who can be selfish and dangerous. He's a person who has emotions despite being an assassin. He has his own goals. It's not that hard to understand him.

#tcf #tcf cale #tcf novel #tcf fanfic #tcf manhwa #tcf spoilers #tcf ron #tcf cale henituse #cale henituse #lcf cale #tcf beacrox #ron molan #beacrox molan #lcf manhwa #lcf novel #lcf

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dadvans · 2 months ago

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Short Term Solutions for the wip game! 💕💕💕

for the WIP title meme!

tbh can't remember what i've posted from this one before--

Tommy feels like he’s walking onto another scene when he shows up at Evan’s apartment. There’s smoke, albeit thinning through every open window, and Evan is standing on the table waving a sheet pan at the detector high overhead on the ceiling. “Hey.” Evan doesn’t look down at him. Tommy sees a smothered pot on the stove’s back burner, hallmark of a grease fire. “How do you feel about pizza?” “I love pizza,” he offers, like there’s a monster out there that somehow doesn’t. He tries to hide the worry in his voice and makes his way around the kitchen island to the stove so he can help dispose of the smoldering remains of dinner. “I’ll call Dominoes as soon as I’m not afraid of this alarm going off again,” Evan says. “Don’t worry about it.” Fuck Dominoes. Evan’s clearly had a long day, and Tommy is hungry but he’s not that hungry. They’re doing the overpriced hole-in-the-wall down the street where Ryan Gosling was apparently caught by paparazzi last week. He’s fine paying. “I can call.” Evan gives in without a fight, so he must really be at his limit. “Thanks.” It’s tough to see him like this. His usual spark has been dimming more and more the past month since Gerrard resumed control of the 118, and even on the really bad days, he seems reluctant to talk about it. The first time they did, Tommy tried to pass along wisdom from what he remembered of Gerrard: keep your head down, don’t go out of your way to do anything you weren’t asked to do (especially on a call), stay in your lane, and document every goddamn thing as best as you can the second it happens. But these days Tommy can see it in the dismissive way that Evan will crack open a beer on the countertop and say, ��Nothing, nothing, you know, asked me if i moved out here ‘cause California is the land of fruits and nuts again,” that there is something worse and more complicated going on under the surface, something Evan refuses to let him help carry the weight on for a variety of reasons. It sucks. Tommy wants to help, and watching Evan struggle and buckle under whatever is going down at the 118 without him is starting to scare him. Something’s gotta give, and Tommy knows it inevitably will. The best thing he knows he can do until further notice is focus on short term solutions. He can take care of a smoking pan while Evan stands helplessly on his kitchen table. He can order a large Hellraiser, extra meat. He can get Evan so far outside of his head he’s boneless and thoughtless and can temporarily forget. “Delivery ETA is sixty minutes,” Tommy announces as he gets off the phone. “Shit, I’m sorry,” Evan says, gingerly getting off the table and setting the pan down. “I told you I’d have dinner ready, you’re probably starving. I can probably throw a salad together—“ “Don’t worry about it,” Tommy says, and that’s when he notices one of Evan’s hands is loosely wrapped. “Are you okay?” Evan seems to have forgotten about it, and looks down at his own palm when he sees Tommy staring. “What? Oh, yeah, got distracted, burned it. Then totally forgot I left the heat on high when I went to take care of it, and“—he waves his good hand vaguely around at the thinning smoke, a half-laugh catching in his throat clearly directed at himself—“yeah. Just can’t seem to stay out of my own way today.” There’s something unsaid there, some kind of weakness Evan doesn’t seem willing to part with, and it breaks Tommy’s heart. He maneuvers his way over to Evan’s side, taking him by the wrist to gently kiss over the burn. “Well, we have an hour.” He sighs. “Tell you what. Let me take care of you, get you out of your head for a bit. Then, after dinner, can we talk about it?” Evan stares up at him, eyes so big. Some invisible weight seems to slough off his shoulders at the suggestion alone, and he nods. “Yeah. Yeah, okay.”

#wip title game #bucktommy #911 abc #dadvans replies

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leeneir · 1 year ago

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Missions; Iso x GN!Reader Headcanons-Drabble

Ok so funny story, I was planning on posting a fic actually but my dumbass wrote it on tumblr and didnt save itand my phone died and i lost 90% of my progress so heres a drabble/headcanons I have abt missions with Iso

Not proofread, tbh none of my posts are💀

On your first mission together which also happened to be Iso's very first so he was still lesrning the ropes, you'd be the one aside from a senior member on your team to help guide him.

You two are stationed together on one site and he keeps making comments and asking questions about a lot of things to the point where you wonder if this really was the feared 'Dead Lilac', it was difficult to imagine when he was acting like he's seeing the sky for the firsy time.

But then the first bullet whizzes past, and Iso does a complete 180. He's no longer talking or making remarks, instead, he emits a purple aura, his eyes glowing, filled with concentration and determination, ready to take on the enemy. It was kinda hot in your opinion.

You may have been an agent longer than him, but he definitely has more experience. Iso saved you from getting shot dozens of times, throwing himself infront of you and coming out of it unscathed because he had his shield up.

The mission is a success via team elimination, you secure the spike and everyone goes home. Iso, however, is blanked out and isn't paying attention to anything around him. It's as if he's a mindless machine. You decide to sit down with him on the V/LTR and offer him a snack, he instantly snaps out of it and takes the snack grstefully.

You aren't assigned on another mission together for a while, and during that time, you hear stories about how much of a monster he is on the field from the others. You bring that up to him to compliment, but he's bashful about it.

You note how he isn't bashful about his skills when the others compliment him, and you wonder why you keep catching him looking at you. Every time you do, you notice how the tips of his ears are a tinge bit red.

The day comes when you two are assigned together, and it just so happens you two are put on a site together again. While you're setting up, he comes up to you, sheepishly asking what the plan was because... he forgot to read the mission brief...

You wonder how tf he forgot to read the brief when it was one of the most important things and explain it to him anyway. Though, he looked like he wasn't really paying attention, he was just staring at you with a look you've never seen before.

The enemy rush in on the opposite site and you two rotate over, watching each other's 6 oclock. You lead through while Iso is behind you, following closely with his focus unmatched.

The spike is planted, you guys get the picks. The rest of the team is down, leaving it up to you and him. Iso gets most of them, there's only one enemy left.

Iso doesn't realize it, but someone is aiming for him. You see it, and you push him out of the way as you shoot the last guy. Unfortunately, they also shot a bullet which grazed your side, leaving a deep gash.

He's panicking, how the hell did he let this happen? He can see the blood seeping through your clothing and he almost forgets everything. You yell at him to defuse the spike which manages to snap him out of it as you apply pressure to the wound.

Once the spike is defused, Iso immediately runs back to you, the precision and focus he has as a master assassin is half way out the window as he's performing first aid on you. He's apologizing over and over again for not being careful, while at the same time scolding you for taking the bullet. HE'S the bulletproof one here, not you.

Iso calls for backup and updates HQ about the mission status before turning his attentioned back to you. He's still upset about your injury, and scolds you again.

You make up some sort of excuse, having realized the reason why you did what you did. Iso continues to get upset over it and is asking you why you would do that.

You got really annoyed by his scolding and you tell him to shut up before grabbing his collar and pulling him in for a kiss.

#li zhao yu #valorant iso #valorant iso x reader #i love iso #iso #iso valorant #iso x reader #iso x reader hcs #valorant x reader #valorant

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kisskissbanggang · 6 months ago

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Contention - pt. 4

[6k words/20min. read - Skz! Love Triangle, Non-Idol!AU - Nepo Baby!Hyunjin x Female Reader , Personal Assistant!Seungmin x Female Reader - NSFW/Smut - Dinner Dates, Vaginal Sex, Expensive Gifts, Security Cameras, Mysterious Letters, d r a m a , Cliffhangers, Tense and Frightening Situations, Someone Might be Lying, Arranged Courting, Doing a Terrible Job of Navigating Feelings, Poor Seungmin, Poor Hyunjin, Poor Everyone tbh, Exorcising my Seungmin and Hyunjin Brain Rot One Fic at a Time]

[Masterlist | Come Say Hi!]

Tuesday, 11:15AM Week 10 of 24

Every day that passed felt as though Hyunjin’s penthouse was getting bigger while you were getting smaller, and before too long it would swallow you whole.

To say things had been awkward since Seungmin found you drunkenly kissing Hyunjin would be a massive understatement. When it had happened, Seungmin had rushed over, yanking him off of you. The two grappled immediately, employer versus employee, best friend versus best friend, with Hyunjin trying to take a swing at him. Seungmin attempted to simultaneously steady him and fight back at the same time.

“I see how it is!” Seungmin had shouted at him. “You’re going to ignore her for weeks and then force yourself on her when things aren’t going well for you?!”

“He’s not forcing anything!” you’d slurred back. You had gotten back to your feet by then, teetering with how much champagne was still sloshing around in your system. The bubbles were practically fogging your brain, but you were still able to shove your way in between both men. Seungmin had stared hard at you, first realizing that you were hammered, and then processing the fact that you were actually defending your actions. “And you’re one to talk,” you’d scolded him stubbornly. “You ignore me all week and this is the first I see or hear of you?!”

“I was only trying to help,” Seungmin argued.

You were on the cusp of saying something when Hyunjin had elbowed you aside.

“She doesn’t need help.”

Seungmin had turned to leave then, clearly hurt. The feeling was mutual.

So you let him leave.

The only problem was now Hyunjin was avoiding you, too, even days later. Obviously, Seungmin never came back. Yesterday, Monday, was the first time another human entered the penthouse at all, none were Seungmin. Instead, you noticed more assistants and couriers than usual, coming in his place. For the first encounter, you directed an impatient stranger wearing a suit, having blustered in through the elevator door, and to where you were certain a set of files had been left when Hyunjin had finished reviewing them. The stranger had left just as swiftly. So did the next office runner that arrived, and the next.

You knew it wouldn’t be Seungmin anyway. The way you’d turned him away had been thorough and utterly unfair, no matter how unwanted he’d made you feel, and now this was likely the best option for him: avoiding you until he forgot about you. Honestly, you were ashamed to realize you were never truly right to feel unwanted in the first place. But, as it turned out, now you weren’t even sure what would make you feel wanted at all. Time was blending into itself in Hyunjin’s flat. You read books, or did some sudoku, or played solitaire. Flipped through magazines. Snacked during a two hour-long bath. Sipped on poorly balanced margaritas in the pool in the middle of the night. If you didn’t watch the clock, hours melted together if you also weren’t watching the sun rise and set.

Days shuffled into a heap on top of you. Strangers would come by. Hyunjin, himself, would skitter past, trying his best to maintain distance. It was either that, or he would briskly enter the elevator in the morning and reappear like a phantom later that night. He was clearly torn up about all this, too. All the vitriol he held for his mother, all the spite that he finally put aside in order to properly notice you for the first time… all after Seungmin already noticed you plenty. His own best friend and assistant had gotten to you first, and with his assumed permission, no less, but weren’t you still meant to be his?

All three of you were embarrassed. All three of you were hurt. All three of you were waiting for someone else to make a move.

And on Thursday, a week and a half after that damn kiss, someone finally did.

Thursday, 5:52PM Week 11 of 24

You happened to walk by the entryway on a familiar path from the living room to the kitchen when the elevator chimed, drawing your attention. Another office runner stepped in, but not with a thick folder of paperwork or a stack of folios or an ominous box or Hyunjin’s dry cleaning or any of those other common items.

The assistant set a single letter on the entry table and left.

This was odd. All of Hyunjin’s mail was sent to the office, even personal letters. It was risky, but you stepped closer, and then closer, trying to see if you could make out any idea of who’d sent the mysterious message. Only barely, you could see Seungmin’s name on the envelope. Your eyes widened, wondering what this could be.

You continued to puzzle over this when you realized you were lingering alarmingly close to Hyunjin’s private mail, and at that moment, Hyunjin himself exited his home office. Thoroughly startled, you fumbled into the kitchen, trying to look casual. After a moment, you risked a peek around the corner, trying to get a glimpse of what he would do next.

Your contractual roommate walked up to the letter, where you’d previously been standing, and hesitated before picking it up. His long fingers were almost cautious, slowly tearing open the envelope. The sound of the crisp paper unfolding almost echoed, he and you both were so focused. Hyunjin read over the letter, jaw set hard so as to not betray any emotion despite assuming he was alone before he ultimately, reluctantly grimaced.

That couldn't be good.

What was worse was you were lingering again.

Hyunjin turned, presumably to walk back into his home office, only to catch you spying on him before you had a chance to look nonchalant. You steeled yourself, reluctant to accept however he decided to confront you. Much to your surprise, though, he didn’t become upset. Instead, Hyunjin’s surprised eyebrows eased, his lips tilting into a brave smile.

“It’s been a few days since I've seen you,” his voice lilted, the downplayed observation acting in lieu of a greeting.

You nodded in return. “It has been.”

Now both of you lingered. Seungmin had made a move with his letter, and now it was Hyunjin’s turn.

“Would you like to have dinner with me tomorrow?”

The request almost made you stop breathing for a moment. More than two months living together–almost three, really–and you’d never eaten together. You ogled him, dumbstruck, drawing an almost smitten smile out of Hyunjin. Smitten, but something else, too. Probably something to do with the letter from Seungmin.

Understandable.

He waited. So did you, considering the question. And for whatever reason there was to consider what felt like such a deceptively simple proposition, you had no idea.

“Yes,” you finally nodded. “I’d love that.”

“Great,” Hyunjin grinned, seemingly relieved. “Seven tomorrow, sharp.”

Your roommate did ultimately head back to his room, that same, warily pleased smile still on his face and Seungmin’s letter tucked in his trousers pocket.

Friday, 3:58PM Week 11 of 24

He probably didn’t intend for you to bashfully agonize over this all night and the next day, but you did. It felt like you were a performer, preparing for an audition that kept getting postponed for months on end and it was suddenly opening night, skipping rehearsals and workshops and everything in between. Hyunjin was the reason you were here, and he finally invited you to eat with him.

It just took him drunkenly kissing you and his closest friendship crumbling to dust for it to happen.

This felt sudden and exciting and terrifying all at once, but you did your best to keep your head firmly locked in on your objective: appearing like this didn’t affect you whatsoever. Nonchalance was supposed to be the name of the game, but you kept finding your mind wandering into what your little date would encompass. Thankfully, while you stared at your breakfast the next morning, you’d realized you were being ridiculous. Hyunjin was only a man, and this was only dinner. A wave of relief washed over you, easing the growing tension stiffening your muscles.

Around four o’clock, on your way to grab your laundry after a long shower, you noticed a blue garment bag hanging on the coat rack by the elevator. You curiously approached and noticed that the bag wasn’t blue, but the dress under the clear plastic was. A note pinned to the hanger confirmed it was meant for you, and when you peeked into the little folded card, it simply read, “It’s only dinner, but I saw this and thought of you.”

Mouth hanging open in quiet astonishment, you lifted the garment bag away from the dress, the rustling plastic like a miniature applause. It was a simple thing, really, the luxury lying in the weight of the fabric and the capability of the construction. Delicate layers of chiffon over top of the whole dress gave it a dreamy effect. On the entry table, a shoebox revealed a pretty pair of heels; nothing crazy in terms of height, but lovely and satiny and coordinating well with the pewter blue dress.

You attempted to not let all this go to your head while you surveyed your makeup on your vanity. Over the last few weeks, your use of cosmetics had minimized to nearly none. Back when you’d been fooling around with Seungmin, he sheepishly admitted once that he felt guilty about smudging your mascara. You’d begun blotting off your lip gloss before kissing him. Now, with the outfit Hyunjin had picked out for you, it felt almost criminal to not try to do the ensemble justice. A silly amount of pressure for a simple dinner.

With Hyunjin.

Blow dryer in hand, you frantically set about crafting a meticulously casual half up-do, and then fussed for over an hour on a fastidiously effortless-yet-glamorous makeup look. You were practically sweating.

Friday, 7:00PM Week 11 of 24

A soft knock at your bedroom door rattled you just as you finished fussing in the mirror, and you attempted to take a steadying breath. It was only dinner. You thought so, and Hyunjin thought so. It just so happened that you were also wearing an ambiguously expensive outfit that Hyunjin picked out for you, and you had no idea what to expect. When you finally opened the door, you were met with Hyunjin’s chest and looked up, somehow not remembering that he’d still be a good head taller than you.

Hyunjin grinned and extended a hand, palm up for you to take. He was outfitted nicely but not lavishly, skipping a suit jacket or cardigan with the sleeves of his shirt neatly rolled up. His fingers were warm around yours. The two of you, with Hyunjin taking the lead, took a short stroll back to the kitchen. There were two place settings at the breakfast nook. Truthfully, this was a relief. You’d fretted for a passing second, wondering if you’d have to awkwardly sit at the surprisingly large dinner table in the dining room.

As an extra surprise, Hyunjin pulled on an apron and stepped up to the stove to presumably plate up dinner. You hadn’t seen him use the kitchen in any nominal capacity since you’d arrived.

“You cook?” you bluntly asked.

Hyunjin let out a bright laugh, his eyes wrinkling up in a smile. “Don’t act too surprised,” he pretended to pout. “I’m not a chef by any means. I actually called in a favor to a friend, to be honest. He did all the menu planning and prep. All I really did was put it together.”

A small, easy smile betrayed how you were impressed nonetheless as you sat down. Music was playing in the flat, easygoing and lovely. Instead of sitting beside you, Hyunjin set his plate down across from yours and adjusted his rolled sleeves. You tucked in like this, sitting at the counter while Hyunjin casually stood on the other side. This was almost nonchalant, practically pretending that you’d skipped a night out to hanging out at home afterward.

It was hard not to feel giddy. This was wildly romantic, the evening shaping up to be easy and intimate. Conversation was simple. You learned more about what Hyunjin did for work, and more about what he did when he went out every weekend. He always got help with his spreadsheets, but he always managed to put together good reports. He’d gone through the trouble of learning to golf, but he preferred bowling with friends. Hyunjin didn’t grandstand or applaud himself for pulling together a date like this.

Because this was a date, right? It wasn't really just dinner… Was it?

Your plates were half empty when Hyunjin sighed, as though he had been waiting for a good time to bring up something inevitable.

“I’m sorry,” he earnestly began, “about the whole ordeal a couple weeks ago… kissing you like that. That wasn’t alright.”

“What?” you questioned. “No, Hyunjin, don’t apologize. I understand.”

A silence, heretofore unfamiliar to the conversation, settled in between you both. The formerly pleasant and romantic music felt almost in poor taste for a moment. Worse, that letter in Hyunjin found on the entryway table was plaguing your mind.

“... Have you heard from Seungmin since then?” you asked stealthily.

Hyunjin sighed again. “I sure have.”

To your surprise, he pulled the letter from his trousers pocket, still in its envelope. Your eyes shifted from the worn paper of the envelope, crinkled from being handled multiple times, to Hyunjin’s conflicted expression. “Is that from him?” you asked, feigning innocence. “What does it say?”

The corners of Hyunjin’s lips almost curved into a frown before he seemingly caught himself. His expression eased again. Calculated. Practiced. You knew he probably learned early on to mask his emotions with a mother like Mrs. Hwang. “It’s, er, difficult,” he curtly stated. “He basically put in his two weeks, backdated to that night after the gala.”

That uncomfortable silence returned, accentuating how hurt Hyunjin clearly was, but he powered through it. He pulled on a resilient grin.

“Hey,” he pivoted, “I’m fine. We’re fine. Aren’t we supposed to be having a good time?”

You nodded, reluctantly for a second but quickly falling back into the swing of this beautiful new development with Hyunjin. Yes, you were heartbroken by Seungmin leaving, just as Hyunjin must’ve been.

If not even more heartbroken than you were. That was his closest friend.

Hyunjin swiftly transitioned to a light dessert and a glass of champagne for each of you, lifting your moods when he brought the conversation back up to speed. He asked you about what you studied in school, what you were doing for work before you moved in. It was surreal, having all his attention, just as you ever wanted. For a moment, you thought you heard the callbox at the entryway of the penthouse chime, but you realized soon enough that it must have been the music Hyunjin was playing. In this moment of peace, you had forgotten that the stereo was on. The conversation had flowed back so naturally that it felt like it was just you, Hyunjin, and your easily shared words.

That, and the damn letter in Hyunjin’s pocket that kept nagging at you.

Meanwhile, Hyunjin gazed at his stereo, seemingly also remembering that he’d been playing an album as well. He hand reached for yours again, palm up like how he had offered to escort you out of your room earlier that evening.

“Dance with me,” he insisted, coming around the breakfast nook and pulling you to your feet. “I picked the dress because I thought you’d look amazing dancing in it.”

Your cheeks heated up from his sweet sentiment, and you found yourself easily pulled along to simply dance in the kitchen with Hyunjin. Weeks ago, you and Seungmin kissed on the floor right where you were currently slow-dancing.

“Sorry,” Hyunjin apologized once more, stilted and sudden, like it was weighing on him. “I mean–I guess–about Seungmin… again.”

It’s like he knew you were thinking about him. Maybe Hyunjin was, too. You stubbornly shook your head. Something in the back of your mind still desperately clung to your yearning.

For Seungmin.

For Hyunjin.

For someone to make the first move again.

Maybe it was your turn this time.

“I came here for you, Hyunjin.”

Resolute.

Firm.

Hyunjin’s eyes had widened momentarily, but his expression softened back down with a faint swallow you could hear in his throat, his Adam's apple bobbing a millimeter. But he didn’t proceed any further. He was waiting for your move. Your assurance hadn’t been enough. Boldly–although it shouldn’t have felt that way–you reached up to cup Hyunjin’s face. His skin was just as warm as his blushing cheeks suggested.

“I’m ready for you to kiss me again.”

You’d said it softly, like you were afraid you’d frighten him away, and for a second there you were convinced he’d run. However, Hyunjin didn’t. Mirroring your gesture, Hyunjin’s hand reached for you. That same palm that’d first accepted your hand earlier in the evening met your cheek, and you barely had a chance to savor it before Hyunjin smoothly leaned down, eyes closed to kiss you.

It was far more chivalrous than your previous kiss, but maybe it was also more reserved. This was almost more methodical, warily searching each other. Your gentle sway to the music stopped. Standing in the same kitchen you’d kissed Seungmin in, now you were kissing Hyunjin. He almost possessively pressed a hand to the small of your back, herding you in closer to him. It was sweet, the way he jolted when he felt you deepen the kiss yourself, growing more brazen in your embrace. Hyunjin’s lips parted slightly for you, accepting your intrepid tongue that was lulling him deeper into becoming more comfortable. This was good. This was better than last time, more ideal. You wouldn’t be interrupted this time. Hyunjin would actually give and receive unfiltered, mutual attention that you’d been dreaming about. Seungmin was just a phase. Maybe you weren’t even that hurt.

This kiss–this series of unending kisses–it felt like you were making up for lost time. At least, it felt that maybe Hyunjin felt that way. While you were preoccupied with your thoughts, it seemed that Hyunjin couldn’t get enough of you. His hands pushed and pulled at you, wisping through your hair or running over the fabric of the dress he’d picked out for you. A hunger laid in his kiss, trying to bring you up to his level and almost impatient as he grew bolder. You tried to follow his lead. He dipped his nose to one side, so you followed so to the other. His arms wrapped tight around your waist, so yours slung around his neck. Hyunjin’s tongue tasted like champagne again, and you were dazed enough to feel like you’d had too many bubbles even though you’d only shared a glass.

“Please,” he finally murmured into your mouth.

Please… what? What did he want more of? More kissing? More romance? More touching?

Sex?

You waited as your kiss lingered, but no clarification came.

However, only an extra moment later, there it was: Hyunjin grabbed your hands in his again, and he took one step in the direction of his bedroom.

What Hyunjin didn’t know, though, was that you hadn’t completed forgiving him yet. He still had to make it up to you for ignoring you for so long.

“Mm,” you interrupted, pulling away from his lips, “we can’t.”

Hyunjin was flabbergasted. “Oh… that’s alright. Why not?”

You teasingly tugged on his hands that held your own. “My roommate is home.”

It seemed your sarcastic joke didn’t quite land. A distinct look of Hyunjin’s bruised ego shaded his expression for a second, and when he squared his shoulders, you were utterly convinced he might even be mad or upset. However, weren’t you right to make such a jab? Hyunjin hardly even acknowledged your existence until he decided to drunkenly change that only a matter of days ago.

“Roommate?” he wryly asked. “You don’t have a roommate. You have a fiance… or at least that was my impression.”

Your heart pitifully jolted.

Fiance.

The whole, true reason you ever signed this inhumane contract in the first place.

Was Hyunjin coyly dangling this in front of you, or did he truly mean it? You barely had enough time to really think about this before he kissed you again and took yet another step towards his bedroom. It would seem that even though you made your move, it might not have been quite enough.

Maybe it wasn’t fast enough.

You had to stop getting distracted. By now, Hyunjin had kissed you into the hallway, up against the wall opposite his bedroom door. Weeks ago–ages ago by now–you’d pulled Seungmin into the same position.

You also had to stop thinking of Seungmin. And it could possibly be a little easy to do when Hyunjin’s lips nursed at your pulse below your jaw.

Instead, you honed in on every single sensation and ascribed each one to Hyunjin. Hyunjin’s hands on your waist. Hyunjin’s rushing tongue in your mouth. Hyunjin kissing you closer and closer to his bedroom before the two of you stumbled inside.

You’d only been in here once before. With Seungmin.

Seungmin.

No. Hyunjin.

Hyunjin tipping you down onto his bed, his arm wrapped around your waist to gently lower you onto the soft duvet.

Hyunjin lifting the hem of the pretty dress he’d picked out for you before you felt the palms of his warm hands slide up your thighs.

Hyunjin sucking in a breath when you pulled at his shirt buttons.

You finally caught up with yourself. The buckle of Hyunjin’s belt slid under your fingers, slippery with a thin layer of perspiration. Your supposed fiance’s chest was pale and modestly sculpted, cutting down in a sharp pair of channels at his hips and drawing your eyes further south. However, Hyunjin eased you flat on your back, and you almost wondered why before you felt his lips and tongue teasing your panties.

He was in such a hurry, almost as if he were afraid he’d have second thoughts if he let himself stop. You practically insisted to yourself that this had to be tested. As much as it felt incredible, you stopped Hyunjin before he could get his tongue on your bare skin. He gasped, less from your fingers in his hair gently pulling him back, and more because you sat up, herding him back to reclining flat on the duvet. You slid off the bed so you could stand back up, easily stepping out of your heels and fumbling with the dainty zipper of your beautiful dress before the pewter blue chiffon piled around your feet on the floor. Hyunjin gazed at you, plush lips agape as he was forced to take it slow for a change of pace. You took your time, unclasping and dropping your bra on the floor as well before you finally slipped off your panties. Hyunjin’s eyes followed each lacy undergarment as they were peeled off of you and he seemed to savor this, taking in the sight of you and committing every inch of your skin to memory. He absently fumbled with the nice belt he had originally stopped you from unbuckling and soon his trousers joined your growing pile of clothes on the floor.

Before you lay Hwang Hyunjin, a stunning vision in only his open dress shirt and a pair of boxer briefs that hugged his slim hips. You’d pined over him for months before you ever even met him in person, and resented him for a decent share of the time that had elapsed since you were finally introduced. And now, he watched you intently, beautiful dark eyes dilated and shiny with desire as you climbed back into bed and sat astride his lap. He almost whimpered when you slid your fingers under the waistband of his underwear and finally held his length bare in your hand. You brushed the soft head of his cock, pretty as the rest of him, against your dripping entrance. This moment was months, weeks in the making. You both held your breath as you ultimately, finally took him inside you.

Time surged forward once again, the headrush settling back into place as Hyunjin groaned with satisfaction, his brows furrowing when he shut his eyes to feel you. Even then, it wasn’t enough. Hyunjin was, as you had gathered early on, ravenous. He quickly set about bouncing you on his hips, searching out a perfect angle to take you in, and when he didn’t find it right away, he eagerly rolled you both over and set about finding the right position from this new vantage point. You found yourself simply laying back and taking it, interested to see his process before Hyunjin settled to slide a pillow under your hips, getting a more comfortable angle for you as he spread you open, expertly slinging one of your legs over his shoulder while he began to rub you to euphoria.

From that point, seemingly finding the right angle to at least begin with, sleeping with Hyunjin was a whirlwind of sighs and moans. He was playfully rough and gentle in waves, lightly pulling your hair to expose your neck for his lips and teeth, or softly caressing your breasts down to your hips while he slowly thrust deeper into you. Your hands returned his energy in full, your nails digging into his back or sweetly sweeping his hair out of his gorgeous eyes or the sweat off the tip of his perfect nose. Hardly any words were exchanged between you aside from small little pleas and affirmations, tiny pleasantries amidst the pleasure you were giving and receiving.

Hyunjin kissed you hard and passionately when you reached your climax, swallowing your cries and persisting through his unrelenting thrusts until the spots in your vision faded and you were able to coherently think straight again. However, this left him more vulnerable than he was likely expecting, a thick groan of shock escaping him when you pushed him onto his back once again and resumed mercilessly riding him with a renewed vigor, practically a little act of revenge for snubbing you for so long. Hyunjin was almost begging you to slow down but his grip on your hips said otherwise, and you ground down on his length until he cried out in return, gasping and sighing through a culmination of his own.

It was as easy as that. Hyunjin finally took the time for you and it worked out beautifully for everyone involved. You were embracing Hwang Hyunjin in his bed after passionately making love to him for the first time. In a matter of days, you would forget Seungmin even existed.

Saturday, 12:04AM Week 11 of 24

You only wished that you could fall asleep, like Hyunjin did in a matter of minutes. Myriad thoughts that you hadn’t had the time to properly consider before were swirling around your head like a storm. You crept out of bed to sneak off to the ensuite, taking a second to spruce up and check in on yourself. This was incredible. Hyunjin was incredible. This was everything you wanted.

Except you had to admit that you didn’t exactly know what you wanted anymore, at least not how you wanted to achieve it. The weeks–the months–that Hyunjin ignored you couldn’t be forgiven, not so easily, even if you understood his reasoning. Tip-toeing back to bed, something caught your eye amidst your conjoined pile of clothes.

Seungmin’s letter was peeking out of the pocket of Hyunjin’s discarded trousers.

This gave you more pause than it had any right to. The temptation nagged at you, instantly burning through your chest and down to your fingertips. You had to know what Seungmin wrote to Hyunjin, what he possibly could’ve said to make his best friend grimace so deeply upon reading it the other day in the penthouse’s entryway.

It was as though the letter was glaring at you, denying you any second or rational thoughts. Instead, you kept an eye on Hyunjin, peacefully dozing in bed, as you carefully bent down to grab the envelope as quietly as possible. Unsure of where to read it though, you settled for scampering back into the ensuite. Even in the enclosed space, it felt like the sound was amplified while you carefully opened the paper envelope and unfolded the letter, well worn over the time that Hyunjin had apparently been holding onto it.

Hyunjin,

I’m sorry if you think I’m being dramatic or selfish. All I know is this whole situation was outrageous from the beginning and, although I never intended to get involved in the way that I did, here I am. It may not seem fair to approach you like this, but you were the one who was presented with a living, breathing human that was tasked to live in your house for six months and decided that it would be reasonable, then, to treat her like trash. I’m not sure what I’m more stunned by, that it took you this long to acknowledge how you really had a chance at an amazing human, or that you seemed to only be interested in once I really fell for her.

I don’t blame you, of course. I never have. If all you’ve ever known is getting your way no matter what, then it makes sense that this is what you would stoop to.

Fine, though. Have her, then, if she really does want you and you’re not just toying with her. I’m nothing if not your best friend. I want you to be happy. However, let her choose. It’s only right, and you know that. If she chooses you, then I think I’m well within my right to ask for a month of paid leave, just to get over this. If you let her choose me, however, consider my two weeks retroactive, back to that night after the stupid gala. You don’t have to worry about me. I won’t even take a severance package. I just want out.

Forgive the deadline, but I’ll want an answer by the end of Friday. Hope you understand.

Your Friend, Seungmin

You were frozen, stunned at the words you just read. Your eyes pored over each and every word again, two more times. Friday.

Tonight. Or Saturday, really, judging by the time on Hyunjin’s digital clock on his bathroom counter.

Instead of accommodating Seungmin’s request, Hyunjin simply took you for himself. A dizzying sensation of unfiltered confusion washed over you, your emotions pulling you in all directions until you settled on one.

You were livid. The sickening taste of bile coated the back of your throat, you were so infuriated. Seungmin wanted you so badly that he’d give up everything simply so he could move on. On the other hand, Hyunjin wanted you so badly that he could risk destroying your and Seungmin’s trust. All forms of irrational ideas sprang to mind at once, but one lit up, as if strung up in lights: you had to find Seungmin.

However, the problem was that you turned in your phone and laptop when you moved in. The little old doorman took them from you when you first arrived in the lobby of the building. At no point had Seungmin given you his phone number, because you didn’t need it. His address was unknown to you, because it simply wasn’t necessary before now. You would have to figure out what you were doing in a whole new way. Minutes passed in the ensuite like this before you were able to piece together a plan.

First things first, you had to leave the bathroom. Thankfully, neither of you had shut Hyunjin’s bedroom door during your tryst, so you were able to tip-toe out. You crept back to your room and threw on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, before digging out your sneakers and a light hoodie. Dusting off your backpack from weeks previously, you shoved everything you could fit into it and threw it on. The next stop was Hyunjin’s office. You carefully searched, trying hard not to disrupt how Hyunjin had left everything on the desk, before you found your prize. Hyunjin, obviously, kept a couple of Seungmin’s business cards next to his desk phone. This at least gave you Seungmin’s work phone number and email address. Finally, you stopped by the entry table next to the elevator. Hyunjin’s wallet felt heavy in your hands, as if you were trying to stop yourself from stealing, but you had no choice. Mrs. Hwang also had the doorman take your wallet when you first arrived. You had no cash, no credit cards, not even your identification. Surely, this was justified.

The elevator loomed next to you, its hum sounding foreboding in the quiet entryway. You hazarded a glance behind you. No one was catching you escaping. Then again, that would probably change when the elevator chimed. You looked back at the elevator, and the door to the fire escape beside it. Easing open the door, you paused to listen for any alarms before you took off, rushing down the stairs as fast as you humanly could.

Hyunjin lived on the 21st floor. Each flight you descended became more and more exhausting, but at least you were going down, not climbing up. There was a distinct feeling of perspiration growing on your palms, heightening the smell of the steel comprising the railing, the scent sharp in your nose. Your breath rattled in your chest, and on floor 10, just past halfway, you hazarded a quick breather.

This was, truth be told, terrifying. Obviously, this was never supposed to happen, but now that it did, you hated Hyunjin and his goddamn mother more and more by the second. Who knew what would happen when they discovered you left? Would Seungmin still want you after you seemingly snubbed him? Would you even be able to afford a lawyer to help you?

The final flights of the building were still difficult, but a little easier to traverse after your brief pause. However, you struggled to manage your panting breath by the time you finally reached the lobby. You burst free from the fire escape, ready to run out the front door and hail a taxi–

When a pale, wrinkled hand snatched the sleeve of your hoodie.

“Miss,” the old doorman greeted you, condescending and pitying, “you seem to be lost. Let’s get you sorted out.”

The thing you weren’t expecting was for the elderly man to be so fucking strong. You thrashed and cried out as he grabbed you and grappled you down a hallway, back into the building, its walls swallowing you back up. He wrenched off your backpack and tossed it under the front desk when he dragged you past it. Even more distressingly, the little old man had a pair of handcuffs that he fished out, and he snapped them on your wrists the moment he was able to wrestle them both behind your back. If you hadn’t insisted on taking the stairs, maybe you would’ve had more strength, but it was no use. You uselessly twisted and kicked as much as you could manage before the old man opened a nondescript door at the end of the back hallway. Inside the room, a bank of security camera monitors formidably stood over a desk of controls and miscellaneous paperwork. The doorman dumped you in a folding chair. You couldn’t hear your frantic breaths over your heartbeat.

On the monitors, you observed a new terrifying layer to this ordeal as they cycled through their different inputs.

As it turned out, there were cameras apparently stationed all over Hyunjin’s penthouse–the living room, the kitchen, the patio and pool… and Hyunjin’s bedroom. You could see him now, still obliviously dead asleep in bed.

The cameras cycled again. Your eyes widened, unbelieving at first.

Seungmin, somewhere, was in another holding cell of sorts, tied up and gagged in a folding chair of his own.

“Don’t you worry, Miss,” the doorman facetiously assured you, not looking at you as he grabbed the phone on the desk, “I’ll call Mrs. Hwang and we’ll get this sorted out right away.”

#straykidsland #neverendingdreams #hwang hyunjin x reader #hwang hyunjin x you #hwang hyunjin x y/n #skz smut #AHHHHHH I'm so excited that I finally continued this 😭#haha you have a crush on kim seungmin 😔#tolkein elf hwang hyunjin #the way i FORGOT i made that a sorting tag omg

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kenlvry · 2 years ago

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how stan kyle and kenny would act when you suddenly ignore them as a prank!

note:its my first time doing this so i hope its okay! if theres any misspellings im sorry!!

✧⁠*

kenny mccormick

•tbh at first he was so confused, you didn't greet him at the bus didn't even made eye contact, you talked to the other guys but just him you ignored

•he would try to get your attention, calling your name multiple times and even "accidentally" fell infront of you. in his defense he was desperate!

• he'd ask kyle and stan for help, they would say that maybe you're in a bad mood. cartman then interrupted saying "maybe she finally found someone else" "shut the fuck up fatass"

•he was so frustrated and you were enjoying this so much, when he got home he immediately went out pick flowers from some garden and went ro your house

•your mom called you downstairs because someone was there to see you but when you saw kenny holding flowers in his hand looking so nervous you bursted out laughing.

•he didnt know what was going on and you had to reassure him that it was a prank and apologize for ignoring him, he didn't know how to react so he just laughed, then later would sulk and get slightly mad

•you apologized by cuddling and watching a movie tgt with him <3

stan marsh

•when you first ignored him on the bus he didn't even notice it, bc usually your the one who says hi to him first. he thought you maybe forgot

• but when you sat down next to kyle instead of him he was confused af, "look stan your girlfriend likes kyle better"

•he just stared at you two the entire ride to school, glaring at his bestfriend but at the same time questioning why you would sit down next to him when he has a completely free spot right next to him!!

•at school was worst, he thought that he was just overthinking it. but when ms garrison asked all of you to go in pairs of two and you picked kyle instead of him, oh he was angry

��you looked at him and almost burst out laughing when you see him just staring at you two, before he realised it he was paired up with wendy bc kenny paired up with cartman! oh could this day get any worse he thought

•wendy was annoying him so bad and you were silently laughing to yourself bc of how annoyed he looked, he didnt even try to hide it

•it didnt last long though bc at the end of school you saw wendy getting real close with stan, why was she feeling up your man!?!?

•you marched right up there and confronted that bitch, she scoffed and backed up. you awkardly looked at stan who was now glaring at you

• "oh? i thought you were ignoring me, almost felt like i was a ghost" he said while rolling his eyes, you laughed so hard and apologize multiple times

•he forgave you but he would sulk for a couple of days just so he can get your attention :)

kyle broflovski

• at first, when you didnt wave back at him on the bus he was a little annoyed but he thought you didnt see him bc you were wearing headphones

• but then you had the nerve to sit down next to cartman!! you couldve sat down next to kenny or next to stan, even better next to him, but you choose cartman????

•like stan he would glare you so hard, if you were sitting behind him he would full on turn his body and peeked over to your row and just stare at you two.

•cartman was also like wtf, while kyle was staring at you two he made hand gestures signaling he had no idea why you sat down next to him .

• class was ok, you didnt really do anything to make him overthink as much but he still thought about the incident, lunch came and it was the bus situation all over again!

•next to kyle was an empty seat but alsoo next to cartman was another empty seat, you wanted to see how kyle would react so you decided to sit down next to cartman

•oh he was livid, his eyes were wide open and he almost looked like he was gonna fight cartman right then and there, cartman saw the killer glare he was getting real nervous ong, "bro, dude, bro i dont know why she sat down next to me, calm down ok calm down" "shut.the.fuck.up fatass"

•you were enjoying it tbh, you wanted to continue the challenge but when school ended, it was just too hard for you to keep doing it, kyle had approached you looking angry and said "i dont know why your ignoring me and if i did anything wrong im sorry but if ur gonna break up with me for cartman, then im gonna loose my shit"

•you couldnt handle it anymore and laughed, the fact he thought you were gonna break up with him was so funny, kyle looked at you still angry but confused, you told him it was a prank and apologized for it. he couldn't be more dumbfounded

•like stan he would sulk for a while but after taking him to several mcdonalds date he was back to his original self <33

#south park #south park x you #kenny mccormick #stan marsh #kyle brovlofski #sp kenny mccormick #kenny mccormick x reader #stan marsh x reader #sp stan #sp stan marsh #sp kenny #kyle broflovski #kyle broflovski x reader #sp kyle #sp kyle broflovski #south park x y/n #south park x reader

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incorrect-ikevamp-quotes · 1 year ago

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Man. How did I forget that an entire subplot of Dazai's main story was just. Trying to trap him into having a single conversation with MC like a normal person I'm so akhdjgfkljshgskjd

I just love watching her, Arthur, and Isaac deadass plot with glee to get one over on Dazai it's killing me, this is some Hamlet level shit (no Charles do not stand behind the curtain to kill Dazai coming in the window!!! yamero!!!!!)

Also because I felt personally attacked (/j) when Isaac said this:

I love you Isaac but pls have mercy on creatives we only have one brain cell and we're trying s o hard oTL

Although, and I'll leave it under the cut since I'm back on my Comte-posting, but the way Comte talks about Dazai fascinates me. Also just as fair warning, I do broach a lot of the topics that come up in Dazai rt so trigger warnings for self-harm, suicide, CPTSD and PTSD, trauma, etc. I don't go too too in-depth, but they are there.

Comte: "Dazai is quite skilled at concealing what he's really feeling, even from himself, perhaps."

The way he instantly remarks on how Dazai is not only working to conceal what he feels from others, but also from himself. Tbh I think that's enormously perceptive, because at first glance most people tend to think Dazai is lazy, troublesome, flippant, or erratic (and sometimes, a combination of all of these).

I love that he sees to the core of who Dazai is and what he's feeling; fear. Dazai is afraid of hurting someone again, but I also think on some level he's made it an ontological problem; he's afraid of himself. He thinks his very existence is a negative entity, something that exists only to hurt and/or estrange other people, something wrong/different. I'd argue that's why he's so adamant about mood-making and keeping to himself. If you never express how you truly feel or live true to yourself, on some level you can't entirely reach others. Because fundamentally, being close to other people does require some level of lowered defenses and sharing. Ergo, never dwell too long or give too much of yourself away, never make a mark on anyone--good or bad.

As a side note, Theo calls him "a half-strewn dandelion puff" and I agree that's rather blunt, but on some level Theo operates on a level of utility. His entire operating precept is that life and work must serve a discrete purpose. And Dazai, in choosing to opt out of living with meaning/intent out of fear, makes this description entirely consistent with Theo's perspective of the world. Though his phrasing is harsh and perhaps one-dimensional, I do find it interesting that he comes to a similar conclusion as Comte as to what Dazai is doing.

Comte talks about it with such clarity and calm, he really does feel so parental in this moment. He's not necessarily minimizing the reality of how Dazai is experiencing the world, but he also clearly doesn't agree with Dazai's self-perception. Perhaps most striking to me is how Comte seems to understand that the only threat Dazai poses is to himself...Sometimes it feels like, in the case of conditions like mental illness/depression/etc. people are so eager to assume ill will of a person. This is only exponentially compounded if they prove to have striking intelligence and strategic capacity, the same way Dazai does. I guess I can't help but appreciate that Comte knows the difference between strong and scared, and even how the lines between the two can and often do blur (perhaps best exemplified in his relationships with Jeanne and Dazai).

(Side note: I forgot which event it was but, one time when Dazai was homesick for cherry blossom watching, Comte had the entire house filled with flowers to cheer him up [insert ugly sobbing]).

For someone so enigmatic, evasive, and distant, Comte still notices instantly that Dazai is much, much happier with MC. I suppose it makes me wonder if Comte knew all along that Dazai's real wish was to be accepted and loved as he was, but kept quiet out of respect for his privacy. I would offer too that sometimes people need to realize these things on their own for the information to have value.

But what really gets my ass is what Comte says right after:

This is my bread and butter (so is he but that's not the point of this particular TED talk). In the last few years I've done a lot of exploratory work on how trauma is mapped both internally but also visibly on the body. What I think is engaging here is that, while it could be read on a surface level as "body language gives people's true intentions away" I don't think that's quite what he's getting at. Or perhaps better phrased, it's an oversimplification. I don't think it's that body language can't communicate real and important information about people's lives. Rather, that people associate rigid and absolutist interpretations to singular mannerisms, which does a disservice to both parties. Nobody can know a person at a glance; to say that you do reduces the lived reality of the opposite party.

Comte gives simple examples and couches his words for the context of the moment, but I think that first line is incredibly telling. "But the body is remarkably truthful." It makes me think of how, in moments where Comte is overcome with anxiety as a result of traumatic recurrence, he has acute panic attacks (i.e. shortened breath, racing heart, trembling). How Leonardo's lethargy (i.e. napping on the floor everywhere like the hobo he is) belies the reality of his very real exhaustion, the emotional turmoil that comes with a fraught immortal life.

Dazai's endless struggle with dissociation and self-harm, the way he stood in the rain unmoving at the thought of MC returning home to the modern era. Whether to numb himself from the pain of that grief/loneliness, or perhaps more likely the self-immolation of subjecting himself to the re-enactment of the most harrowing moment of his life. To relive that anguish as a reminder; to abstain from making the same mistake ever again. Jeanne's endless bodily tension, struggles with basic self-care (appears to be interoception-based; reduced signalling of the need to eat/rest/etc.), and self-isolation to cope in a world where only the strong survive. Never safe, always alone, always defensive.

I think, for many people in general but especially people who have been through intense PTSD/CPTSD/etc., it can be hard to express these feelings directly. Whether they are forcibly silenced, ridiculed into self-derision/self-concealment, or are overwhelmed by emotions that are difficult to process--each manifests itself in unconventional ways. It means a lot to me when those phenomena are portrayed so sensitively in written works/media, that they're explored with real intention and narrative subtlety to communicate how hard it is for people who are wounded or simply different (or both, as often is the case).

Addendum:

Even more than that, and this is an observation at the end of Dazai's route, is Comte's open belief that life is something to be cherished. Of course, like any other person he has behaviors he won't abide and people he doesn't feel partial to, but by and large he doesn't take life lightly. Perhaps that's why he doesn't expect Dazai to resort to such measures again, in conjunction with the circumstances of his transition. From an outsider perspective, I could see how Comte might assume Dazai no longer wishes for that if he seemed to regret his initial course of action by seeking resurrection. There is also the implication that Dazai is always at war with himself, and therefore might give contradictory impressions; one moment he wants to live, the next he doesn't. This is precisely what led him to ask Charles for help to subdue his own 'cowardice.' (His terms, not mine. [bonks him]) There is a sizeable subset of s-word survivors who, after recovery, feel that their problems were actually solvable despite their despair in the moment.

Of course, that doesn't apply to everyone, but I think there's something to be said of Comte feeling such real affection for the mansion boys that he is stricken to find out what Dazai attempted. And perhaps unsurprisingly, very adamant to keep him from ever pursuing such a course of action again. He's incredibly vulnerable about his horror that he might have inflicted something on Dazai that he never wanted in bringing him back, though Dazai comfortably refutes any lack of agency in the situation.

I guess I feel very compelled by the duality inherent in Comte's glass heart, precisely because of how realistic it feels. His greatest strength is his sensitivity, but it's also his greatest weakness in tandem. His genuine care for Dazai--the unwavering belief that his life is valuable and worthy--ends up being the reason he doesn't anticipate Dazai's rather deeply entrenched self-loathing. And to be honest, I'm a bit inclined to agree; looking back on a third reading Dazai feels way too hard on himself. It feels like the young girl's death was more a catalyst for what Dazai was already feeling, than anything. Dazai wanted so badly to have a reason to despise himself (as he already disliked how different and out of place he naturally felt) and with this, his self-reproach could have a viable, rational explanation. A locus outside of his body by which to rationalize his self-hatred. Accident or not becomes irrelevant; he was involved, and thus he is guilty.

He reminds me a lot of that post that was circulating once about how cultish behavior inculcates intelligent people with more devastating pull than one might expect, because intelligent people can more easily and more insistently find ways to desperately rationalize their situation to function in that whirlpool of abuse. Dazai feels like he's in this same such Catch-22, so busy believing he deserves to be scorned (because of how well he hides his perceived abnormalities) that he takes steps to ensure and reinforce it. He wants and needs to see his reality make sense, and if it won't answer his designs he will find a way to make it so.

It fascinates me because Dazai is an incredibly complex example of someone who desires control, but instead of inflicting it with external rapacity, he targets his own internal state. I once heard a Buddhist explain: yes, it is a sign of disturbance to engage with others aggressively and without grace. However, it is also a sign of disturbance when the mind seeks to harm one's own body. Although Dazai's disturbance is not as apparent, it is there. And that's part of what makes him so excruciatingly compelling to me, in a lot of ways he is the manifestation of the Sisyphean suffering of being ill in a quiet way. In enduring and smiling and laughing because you don't want to burden others--or know you're not allowed to--all while you slowly bleed from the inside out.

#ikevamp #ikemen vampire #ikevamp dazai #ikevamp isaac #ikevamp comte #ikevamp theo #ikevamp meta #i love how isaac straight up is like #'man now that you mention it he hasn't been harassing me either'#I S A A C 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣#the way i can't stop laughing. and. AND he really said #'omfg...Dazai writes!? on god????? fr??????'#ICE COLD #ISAAC I SWEAR TO GOD NOBODY ACKNOWLEDGES UR SENSE OF HUMOR ENOUGH AND THAT INCLUDES ME #I BEG UR FORGIVENESS APPLE KING #also is it wrong that like #one side of me is entirely capable of acknowledging the gravity of the situation but the other just #is so close to losing it when MC asks Dazai what his writing is abt #and he unironically says 'the death of a clown'#truly gen z would have loved him its tragic he's not here with us #dazai main story route #minnie mumbles #also 🥺 the way comte spoke of him so fondly #my heart is so tender...#i really do love how sincerely he sees his children for who they are #i also love that no matter how much dazai thinks he's unworthy comte never thinks the same T_T #I routinely cry about that scene at the end where he's like '💢young man you better not do anything like that a g a i n.'#tw suicide #tw self-harm #tw suicidal ideation

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yall-need-a-better-dm · 1 month ago

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Honest review of season 8a:

Disappointed tbh. Between the breakup, the THREEE EPISODE LONG BEENADO/PLANE ARC, the random athena copaganda, BRAD FUCKING TORRENCE, no resolution on Denny being hit by a car, NO SOLID RESOLUTION ON EDDIE AND CHRIS, the very sudden madney baby plot line, and making Vincent Fucking Gerrard a “nice person”, it feels like this whole season went off the rails in a horrible way. Gonna tackle each of these one by one.

Read mode for the rest

I KNOW I’m not the only one disappointed by the way the breakup was handled. I do ship Tommy and Buck, but I’m living my myltishipper life. I knew it wasn’t going to be forever, but the idea that this man was willing to date someone for SIX MONTHS and then break it off suddenly bc he realized Evan should have his bisexual journey or whatever, felt like such a shit reason?? Literally anything else would have worked. We JUST had an episode proving he’s in it for a hot minute, he told a fucking GRAVE to drop a curse he doesn’t believe in so it’ll make his man happy again??? Like if ur gonna break them up that’s FINE. Just make it some other reason that doesn’t feel suddenly biphobic?? Idk. Having the actor do an exit interview was weird too, they did NOT do that for the other love interests lol. Idk. I don’t like the way it was handled, I’ve seen fanfics come up w better breakup reasons.

The beenado/plane crash was apparently originally written to be two episodes long. And it really fucking feels like it. The whole thing got stretched to fuck then DROPPED, like wtf r they doing about the rest of the bees??? Did they just. Leave??? Where r the bees Tim. The plane plot line was fun for a bit, but it felt like they forgot they have an ensemble cast??? Like don’t get me wrong the parallels of Bobby standing infront of the plane that she landed safely vs him standing by the ocean infront of a destroyed plane??? So good. HOWEVER. It was so long and they just. Tossed Eddie hen and Chim away, like they wouldn’t have followed bucks dumb ass to go get Bobby, or Buck wouldn’t have TOLD THEM EARLIER that the plan changed so they could get there asap. Idk. Hated it and the end plot were the fuckin. Cop guy man tries to kill Athena and her ex-fiancés murderer. Felt stupid tbh. Drawn out and desperately re-written.

I know this show toes the line a LOT with copaganda. But the ending few episodes having such BUG focuses on how Athena is the “good cop” and no one else to BALANCE it made it feel so fucking awkward. Almost every other time we have a scene about Athena being a cop, there’s usually a balance with another character. It makes it work. Having it be JUST her feels. So weird. ESP two episodes in a row??? Cart cop was funny but please I’m tired of Athena copaganda. I get that they’re setting it up for her to retire but also yall it’s an ENSEMBLE CAST use who u have and give her balance!!

Brad Torrance was funny the first few episodes. But he should have stopped there. Having him be a continuous problem felt like it took a lot away from other characters. I get that ur trying to give Bobby a plot line that’s outside of his family or Athena, but Brad fucking Torrance isn’t IT. I’m not here to watch a snooty actor get a verbal smack down, and then be let to do whatever he wants by the fire chief. Atleast TAYLOR following them made sense and they dealt with it well. Letting an actor who isn’t doing anything to help the firehouse, follow around the crew and letting him help??? No. The jumper plot line matched Eddie SO WELL and it would have been so good to see him talk it out with him, to see Eddie realize how much he fucking misses his family and to have VERBALIZED it. Instead an actor talks him down??? It would have been funnier, if Brad HAD to be there, that once the jumper has been talked down he notices him and loses his shit a little. I will say the final scene was funny, but it shouldn’t have been the LAST THING WE GET from all of them as a main cast for the fall finale.

If ur going to have a character we know and love be hit by a fucking car, nearly die, have to do an on site transfusion, it would make sense that we hear more about him throughout the season?? How is hen handling it? Is he wounded, is he home, did he have to stay at the hospital long? How does Mara feel seeing that. How is Karen, how does she feel about her kid being so hurt and being able to SAVE him. Jee was there too, did that upset her seeing that happen to her cousin(?)??? U hit a kid w a car and then promptly forgot about him. Brad Torrance and his depression got more focus than Denny did and that’s criminal.

YALL STARTED THE SEASON WITH CHRIS AND EDDIES PLOTLINE THEN PROMPTLY SHOVED IT AWAY UNTIL THE FINALE. I get it, the actor is a kid and might have needed to be gone, but the plotline still stands??? It would have been so much BETTER to see Eddie talking to his parents, it would have built up to that final moment where he realizes Chris is building a life in El Paso without him. I know they tried to focus on eddies emotions and I’m fine w that. But the actual storyline not being resolved??? Shit. I loved watching Eddie be happy and talk to the hot priest. But then it got dropped again and it felt pointless. Also why tf is the resolution to move to El Paso. Go pick up ur fucking kid and be his father.

The madney baby plotline is small potato’s. But I’m worried it’ll be repeat of jee-yun. I’m fine w the baby in general, but it felt so sudden for it to just SMACK DOWN in one episode that was already FULL of important plot lines (eddies grief, bucks relationship). It should have had a build up. Let them grow and understand and know. If Maddie is already preggers, and they’re just NOW talking about shit, what?? They’re adults why r they having unprotected sex and pretending they didn’t know the consequences.

VINCENT GERRARD BEING MADE INTO A SOFT UWU BOY WHO JUST WANTS TO LIKE HIS JOB PISSED ME OFF SO BAD. you introduced him in s2 as a racist, sexist, homophobic asshole who made life at the 118 hell. You RE introduced him as not having changed. But suddenly oh, he’s there bc counselled ortiz has a hate boner for hen, and found out how to make her life hell, and he’s not willing to be a pawn, even tho arguably he wouldn’t care??? We also NEVER got to see him talk down to anyone outside of Buck, for whatever reason, except for SMALL snippets. Honestly I feel like 8A should have been dealing w gerrard and getting him out, while handling the Chris subplot. Gerrard has BEEN written as a horrible person, and suddenly it’s changed bc what?? Torrance doesn’t like him??? Please. This is weak as fuck and everyone knows it. If you wanted to say he’s different you shouldn’t have written him into s7 as an ASSHOLE who everyone hates.

In general, there was moments I liked. I had fun with the season for some of it, but a LOT of it just. Made me annoyed or upset w the show. I’ve seen previous seasons, I know it can be written better than this. The pacing feels ABYSMAL and they very obviously don’t know their own continuity??? Chris has been gone since early/mid summer, but suddenly by November it’s only 3 months?? Idk.

I’m disappointed, but hopeful that s8B will be better. Fingers crossed.

#911 #9-1-1 #9-1-1 ABC #ABC 9-1-1 #9-1-1 spoilers #911 abc #911 spoilers #overall I’m annoyed and hope for the better lol

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sanderssidesthehouse · 4 months ago

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Can you do "Schrödinger's Union"? That's probably my favorite way I've heard their relationship described. Oh, for the bingo btw.

Yes, absolutely, I would love to talk about Schrödinger's Union, I'm glad you appreciate my nickname for them.

The most married and also divorced couple of all time.

I also just noticed I forgot to mark off affectionate or derogatory on toxic but tbh yeah. They can be whatever you want them to be. This, that, and/or the other thing.

Um, so, what can I say? They're both care taker types and could use someone to take care of them. They would have that kind of understanding. They also need to gossip with each other, probably about the creativitwins comparing stories, but they talk about Virgil a lot too. I think I started writing a fic about this somewhere, it feels very familiar to mention. (Should I just go crazy and start posting the first chapters of all my WIPs? lmk)

You could also encounter a problem where they focus too much on helping each other, making each others jobs harder, buring out, creating resentment, etc. Y'know... If you wanted to.

And I feel like them being married but also divorced is a popular opinion so idk how much I need to explain that in particular but if you just watch them interact and the way they talk about each other, they know each other intimately. They care about each other. They also annoy the piss out of each other and would have the most passive aggressive arguments. This is kind of peak Patton for me. Let Patton be a bitch 2k24. (We all know you're capable, Patton, let loose for me just one time.)

I think they could be good friends too. I'm a sucker for the 'guy who is all about self preservation meets someone they didn't actually mean to let in but would now do anything for dynamic'. I'm the sucker for the 'guy who is struggling with self image and confidence meets someone they originally think is mean but then realize that they're just uncompromising on their values and one of their values is themself dynamic'. They're so 'morals are important, but what good are morals if they kill you for nothing' and 'protecting yourself is important but what good is protecting yourself if you never experience the joys of life and connection with others'. They're just balanced in that good, good way. They strike me as classic western grizzled cowboy (Janus) and farm boy who just lost his parents but everyone in the community has been helping out (Patton).

At the current point in mainline canon it seems like they'll be hanging out more. That will be fun. It's great to get them in a room together.

I think that's all I can manage for now, I've been trying very hard to write this but my brain has been absolutely fried recently. As always, anyone can feel free to jump on, it would probably prompt my brain into making coherent thoughts lol.

#siding ask #moceit #sanders sides #patton sanders #janus sanders #rllybadfanfic ship bingo #idk enough about actual cowboy history or southern/southwestern culture to properly write that au but then again neither did most #western writers so...#what am i saying? i have too many projects already. then again... no i really shouldn't. i'll think about it

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dani-dance · 4 months ago

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Locked out of Heaven dance video! :D

Some notes:

- I forgot to turn the sound up so the song is a bit quiet

- It’s in two parts because I could hear my mom coming back from a grocery run and she doesn’t consent to being filmed (or at least. Hadn’t cleared it with her) so I quickly had to pause the map and stop the video so I could talk with her about it

- As always it’s under the cut so that if I remove the post people won’t be able to see it even if they reblogged it. This is intentional.

- I look like a whole mess at the end of it. It’s not the first song I danced today. Pls don’t mention it

- I’ve noticed that I don’t look as confident as I actually feel while dancing. It’s kinda weird for me tbh because I feel like I’m giving it my all and then I’ll watch the vid and go “well that looked kinda weak”. Rest assured that I am very happy and confident dancing these and am truly giving it my all, it’s just that I am also very autistic so my face and body don’t always correspond with what is happening in my mind. In my mind, I am killing it and going full out!

- Also I got a little distracted during one move lol

youtube

#dani speaks #just dance #jd #just dance fandom #jd2023 #jd Jack rose #Youtube

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cyberspookviv · 24 days ago

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my experience with the hazbin/helluva hatedom and how I continued to hate myself from there on TW: vent/s*icide/problematic stuff

I guess I was lowkey kinda young when I found out about Hazbin/helluva (around 2023 and I am a minor around 12-18) I know i shouldn’t be watching that shit and considering how bad the fandom is now with kids I feel guilty but it wasn’t that “big” back then I didn’t like it at first but then I tried it some more there was too many cursing it kinda made me scared for once and a while but I sorta liked it? Maybe because it was my first experience with violent content? Idk ajsjdj

yet little did I know that it would be considered one of the most hated fanabases I seen in my entire life

I guess it was a primary fandom I was really into as embarrassing as it I just fell in love with the characters and lore a little “too fast” this was such a fun fandom to make aus and theories because of how fun the lore was it wasn’t good at all but atleast I had “fun” right? Sometimes now I thinking about it I was too obsessed with it and hell I was so distracted by all the fun stuff about it that I forgot about the criticism in the first place i wasn’t immune I tried to take it by watching videos online but it was….. harsh…. And shit hell sometimes I was kinda immune bc I still needed to continue most of hb lol but…I guess it got to a point where it felt…kinda bad maybe “too” flawed so I got scared I had experience with my interests being despised before and I didn’t want the same to happen again so I tried to defend it and that’s where the creator….comes in…..

I thought her imagination was…fascinating she had such passion and thought behind her shows…that she became… my role model…. So I tried to defend her…but tbh nobody really seemed to like her I tried sticking to people who defended her like ayy lmao

but then I realized about the stuff she did…

It make me look like a damn fool…

and what’s even worse people who defended her were called “dick riders” I then started seeing hate around her “with the written by vivziepop jokes” and the controversies on Twitter

I got anxious…. But at the end she was a bad person right…just separate art from the artist

but nobody liked the art either

Hazbin finally came out and there’s was either love or hate and tbh I got really back into Hazbin bc of the release of it being on “prime” but I knew something didn’t feel right I went on Twitter a lot “too much” actually and i discovered these rumors about her and if I defended these rumors about such terrible things I would just look like such a stupid pathetic dick sucking retard so I forced myself to hate her either way so I forced myself to go online and read “hh/hb critical” content but then I began to hate myself even more they painted her as such a terrible person but i agreed anyway because it was the “truth” but then again she was my idol…my role model….i got so anxious and I never even gave a damn about the shows writing making it even worse when it came to criticism it was noticeable in the show but I choosed the ignore it and when I saw ppl complaining online I felt like a complete pathetic asshole for liking it and what’s worse they would say shit like “she’s manipulative and narcissistic and her fans are nothing but dick riders that are thoughtless and can’t take criticism and deserve to die in a fucking fire” it made me want to absolutely k*ll myself and made me feel like i wasn’t worth living

THIS SHIT FUCKING EXPLAINS IT ALL

I wanted to talk to somebody or a therapist desperately about this but I loved her and her shows so either way my behavior was fucking creepy making me hate myself even more because my story was never “valid”

so I just ran away

I’m doing better now….i still miss the shows tho even though most people call it “toxic” for supporting a “horrible” person but still have that charm when i see it or see posts about it it makes me remember how “happy” i use to watch it and the fact that i had to ran away a join better fandoms that were accepted by people and wouldn’t make me feel ashamed and wanting to end my life i just finally…finally decided to share this post now despite how controversial it may get i might honestly get death threats or hate comments tbh lol

but I just want some people to know out there about my experience because I just desperately need a heartwarming comment right now to make sure that I’m not alone please…I just wanted to have fun I’m doing better now…. I just want everything and I mean EVERYTHING to be ok…

I just want to be accepted…..

#vent #hazbin hotel #helluva boss #vivziepop

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lmaster37 · 21 days ago

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one fun fact about me is that i absolutely lose it when there's villains in my musical (affectionate)

cases in point (can you use that as a plural??):

i saw sweeney todd live for the first time this week and i went feral every time mrs lovett was on stage (the actress absolutely SLAYED that role, genuinely fucking amazing) (tbc i've always enjoyed mrs lovett greatly because her song parts are so incredibly fun but the actress was truly something else) (dagmar manzel as part of berlin's komische oper)

a story told from the count of monte christo musical serves such cunt for like no reason

every mechanisms villain (<- aided by the fact that i have yet to find a mechs character who i dislike <3 ) (they simply do not miss) (for the sake of sticking to villains, special shout-out to king cole for having two absolutely menacing songs, odin she who styled herself the allmother for giving us another 'jonny sims narrates the end of the world with much gusto' scene, and hades for simply being hotter than should be possible)

is falcon in the dive from the scarlet pimpernel a villain song?? i actually have very little idea of what happens in this musical

and

(of course)

T h e m

The Lords in Black

The Awful Brothers

the scream i scremt when wiggog y'wrath revealed himself to us in nerdy prudes must die y'all

the sheer glee in my soul during the summoning

the pure joy of going through the nightmare time episodes to find out more about these nasty fuckers

yes this is an excuse to talk about the hatchetfield series by team starkid no i will not be taking criticism at this time thank you very much

(ignore the fact that i got derailed by the mechs for a hot second) (what you are seeing is already a much shorter version of my original ramble) (i forgot i was talking about villains tbh i was just listing mechs characters and going Them..... adoringly)

pls pls pls if you enjoy musicals and/or dark comedy with a social commentary aspect i am BEGGING you to watch the hatchetfield musicals

they are available for free in their entirety on youtube

i can't guarantee that you'll find them funny but like. you're on tumblr. the chance is pretty high there's significant overlap

(begging you not to ask me who my favourite hatchetfield character is)

(bc i would be honour-bound to tell you that it is paul matthews As Played By Jon Matteson, certified Most Boring Man Alive Or Dead)

(he has NO personality traits he has NO game he is NOT slick OR funny and i love him dearly)

(other favourite characters include wiggly/wiggog y'wrath As Played By Jon Matteson and gary goldstein attorney at law As Played By Jon Matteson)

(you may notice a subtle yet persistent pattern)

anyway if you haven't, pls pls pls watch the hatchetfield musicals. i will answer any questions i will make any argument i will provide spoilers and trigger warnings as requested i just desperately need an excuse to talk about them (<- pretending i understand significant amounts of hatchetfield lore when i am, in fact, coasting entirely on vibes and dreamily going Them.... at the screen whenever Character I Like pops up) (Character I Like is a broad category encompassing roughly 90% of named characters)

EDIT: I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT ABOUT MAX FUCKING JÄGERMAN THE JÄGERMEISTER HIMSELF HOWWW DID I TALK ABOUT STARKID HATCHETFIELD VILLAINS AND FORGET MAXWELL JÄGERMAN

like genuinely he has The most unhinged dynamic with richie lipschitz (played by, you guessed it, jon matteson) howwww was that not at the forefront of my mind as if That Scene isn't one my favourite jon matteson moments ever (iykyk)

#lmaster37 posts #team starkid #hatchetfield #hatchetverse #hatchetverse spoilers #ooh you want to watch these musicals sooo badly (i am subtly influencing you with my mind)#jon matteson #he is so incredibly funny to me #also i say this while i'm taking off my clown hat for a second but the team starkid musicals have some really really good songs #like every song in tgwdlm is catchy as hell #but then black friday just. kills me dead instantly. feast or famine? made in america?? if i fail you one more time??? plssss i am weak #and then npdm hits you with menacing snapping and “we're gonna bury the body :) ” and the summoning #these musicals are fucking good is what i'm saying !! and if you like them pls pls pls feel free to send me an ask/a DM/reply on this post #ESPECIALLY if you're a first-time viewer or if you're still hesitant about getting into hatchetfield for whatever reason !!#like i may not be familiar with the fandom on here but i have been converting one friend group into starkid fans for years atp #and am currently in the process with a second group #so like. i'm peer-reviewed is all i'm saying #anyway. the clown hat goes back on #every single one of the lords in black would ki me dead instantly if i lived in hatchetfield 👍

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lemonmatronics · 11 months ago

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I just got done watching Out of the Past and I don’t think I’ll ever recover omg

I cried like 5 times and it took me an hour to get through cause I had to keep pausing to freak out and compose myself

That episode…GOD THAT EPISODE

I wanna ramble so spoilers below the cut since it’s like, actually a lot

So much in that episode got revealed it’s making me insane

Aja and Shana being the first Starlight Girls makes me so insane. Idk if they had ever mentioned that before and I just didn’t notice or forgot, but GOD that adds sm to the whole band’s bond. As well as adding to them working at Starlight too. They didn’t just work there because they agreed with the dream Jacqui stood for, Aja and Shana WERE the dream. That makes me sooooo crazy TEEHEEHEE

Also the reveal of how their mom died…ough

It explains a lot about Jerrica’s whole character to me tbh. Throughout the whole series so far I’ve been here thinking, “Wow, Jerrica is awfully patient and understanding with people. She’s barely ever mad at or super upset with people she cares about, and if she is it’s not for long”

and like…after learning that YEAH, Of course she’s like that! The last time she saw her mother she acted awful to her

What if she gets upset with someone and that’s the last time she ever sees them? It makes so much sense to me and makes what was seemingly a “flat and almost always perfect” type of character a lot more compelling. Not to say I didn’t like her before, I fuckin adore Jerrica, but that layer of extra complexity adds a LOT to her.

Speaking of Jerrica I loved seeing her grieve more. Both her and Kimber both seemed to have delayed reactions to each of their parents deaths, and sure that may have been accidental (most likely was), I think it’s interesting that big events and happenstances cause these emotions to bubble up later on. It’s gives a grounded layer of realism to their characters and I like that!

I also like that Jerrica used to kinda be a brat when she was younger. She wasn’t ALWAYS so thoughtful and acted like any kid and teen would to stuff happening around her, which again I like. It’s a realistic layer to her that adds a lot for me.

Onto talking about her mom more, the insight on both parents makes me nuts. Synergy being made with Jacqui’s voice and such drives me up the wall, that reveal floored me. But I like that it doesn’t change the fact Synergy is still her own separate being, she’s not Jacqui herself, only similar.

And the earrings being the last thing their father made…ohh makes me crazy. He wanted to give them to Jerrica personally…OOOH MAKES ME CRAZY….HE KNEW HE WAS DYING AND SPENT HIS LAST DAYS GETTING THINGS READY FOR HIS FAMILY…...OOOOHHHH MAKES ME CRAZY

And Eric Raymond…Eric when I catch you Eric. I’m going to kill that man I SWEAR DJJSHX Like I knew he was fucked up but OH MY GOD DUDE

Burning them in front of her!? Knowing it’s all she really has left of her mom voice!?

Slap was DESERVED. Her crying for her mom over the fire, her straight up reaching INTO the fire!? Should’ve beaten his ass.

Side note I fuckin love how much they slap men in this show. It’s not so much it loses its shock and impact when it happens, but enough to where you can say “yeah they slap guys a lot” and it’s true.

I also really like that The Misfits aren’t really active antagonists in this episode either. For multiple reasons.

The most they do is help Eric look for those tapes, and they don’t even know why they’re so important. Even after asking, and Eric is the one that finds them anyways so they don’t ever find out. And they’re left at that, no other appearance.

The Misfit’s rivalry with Jem is very petty and spiteful, as much as it may feel personal for them, it’s really not. It’s simply a band rivalry, an extreme one, but it’s formed out of very juvenile motivation.

Eric’s rivalry is not, his beef with Jerrica is IMMENSELY more personal not only because he used to be part of the company, but because he used to be a friend of the family. He knew this girl ever since she was a teenager, and she was ALWAYS a threat to him having full company control. And once she managed to kick him out the door any nice facade with her was over. She’s the reason he lost so much and depends so heavily on a band that treats him like shit (haha).

Their rivalry is infinitely more personal, and for such a personal conflict involving Jerrica’s dead mother, the woman that started Starlight, it only makes sense this would be a battle for him and him alone.

Additionally,, I just don’t think even The Misfits would go that far. Hell even Raymond with anyone else, but because it was Jerrica Benton specifically he had no issue burning her mother’s tapes right in front of her.

#jem and the holograms #jerrica benton #kimber benton #80s cartoons #the misfits #cartoon nostalgia #nostalgia

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acourtofthought · 1 year ago

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listen I love Feyre to my very core, she's my favorite FMC since I read these books and in this entire series but god she's such busybody sometimes and tries to be an expert matchmaker like Rhys but honey... no!

like that time she suggested about Az and Elain in acowar and Rhys was like "Feyre, I love you but shut up this is not in your league" thats what I gathered from Rhys reply lmao

GIRL YOU LITERALLY KNOW THESE PPL FOR A FEW MONTHS HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY NEED AND WHAT IS GOING ON INSIDE THEIR HEAD? I'm quite certain she just wanted it to keep it in the family at that point bc did she forgot Azriel is "in love" with Mor before she suggested that? and Rhys had to aggressively shut that idea down lol. tbh I love that Rhys stopped her right then and there bc obv he knows him better than Feyre. they've known each other for +500 so ofc he can guess Az feeling on the matter and Az himself confirmed it in the bonus chapter (that Rhys also suspected) Az only wants Elain for release and nothing else.

and now her comment on them lead to her being the biggest e/riel shipper and e/riels LOVE to brag about it and its quite funny bc I think it was only that one time!!! we see Feyre encouraging Elain to talk to Lucien and even in her bonus chapter in acosf she wanted to suggest Elain to use Lucien's gloves that he gifted her but she didn't (which i hope she'd learned to not be a busybody after what happened with Lucien in acofas and Mor lecturing her to let them figure it out themselves)

After getting this message I didn't respond right away. I wanted to think back over the series because you are 100% correct but your correctness is even more far reaching.

In ACOMAF we have the following:

Feyre thinking that the reason Lucien had issues with Ianthe because she and her family fled during Amarantha's reign.

The actual reason Lucien had issues with Ianthe is because she sexually harassed him.

In ACOMAF, we have Feyre think Ianthe is her friend.

Later we find out that Ianthe was only ever self serving.

In ACOMAF Feyre kept wondering if a mating bond with Tamlin would snap into place.

The reason that didn't happen was because Rhys was her mate yet she was clueless about that until the Suriel told her.

In ACOMAF we have Feyre think about how Nesta and Amren would be fast friends.

In ACOWAR, Nesta and Amren were fast friends but not LASTING friends. Their friendship fell apart in ACOFAS and it never really recovered. I think they're in a better place after SF but they'll most likely never be as close as Nesta is with Gwyn and Emerie.

In ACOMAF, Feyre mentions how she sometimes notices Mor watching Az. She also asks Mor what she feels for Az which Mor deflects only for Feyre to then think, "but almost in answer, Mor declared, "Paint Azriel's. Next to mine".

Only that all fell apart in ACOWAR when Mor's preference came to light, something Feyre never suspected.

In ACOMAF, Feyre thinks how Az and Cassian could wipe Lucien off the planet.

But in ACOSF, we see Lucien command Cassian with a single word.

In ACOMAF, Feyre does say Elain would cling to Az to have some peace and quiet and how handsome they would be.

And in ACOWAR, we do see Elain and Az sharing moments of peace and quiet however, that seems to rapidly be falling apart in SF. Feyre once wanted peace and quiet too and at first she was happy with Tamlin until the peace and quiet no longer suited her. Similarly, we see Elain want to finally break free of her peace and quiet and Az is the person (after Nesta) who wants to keep her in her box of safety. He even spoke out against her AFTER Elain told Nesta off so it's doubly as problematic. Also, Feyre thinking of Elain and Az being together because of their physical appearance is the most superficial thing. It speaks nothing of their personalities or what they want from a partner, what their values are. Not to mention it reduces Elain to a "doll to dress up" or whose only worth is her beauty, just as their mother always did.

In ACOWAR, Feyre worries whether they can trust Lucien. Whether he would try to grab Elain, to sell them out.

Her fears are proven unfounded when she slips into Lucien's mind and realized he only has concern for Elain. Also Lucien regularly helps out the NC, sharing information with them, the opposite of selling them out.

In ACOWAR, Feyre questions why Lucien and Elain are mates without putting any consideration into who they are and what they want in a partner. She asks RHYS if HER SISTER is a match to Lucien 🤦. Her entire argument is based on the fact that Rhys and Tamlin's parents weren't a match for one another so maybe Elain and Lucien's is poor match too. Even though the reason Rhys tells us for WHY his parents weren't a match would not apply to Lucien and Elain and WOULD actually apply to Az and Elain.

Feyre is young and she doesn't always the see others clearly but that's ok because she's learning as she goes. She's asking these questions because this entire world is new to her and the why and the how's of it are something she's trying to figure out.

But anyone taking her thoughts as gospel as she's stumbling through it all is looking to the wrong person for predictions.

Feyre (in the original trilogy), Nesta (for the first 3/4 of her book) and Az (even now), for as great as they are, were /are not the characters to look too for clearheaded opinions because they are too close to certain situations, too emotional and too wrapped up in their own confusion about everything to be valid resources. Feyre and Nesta especially were all over the place. For example one minute Nesta was going on and on about how Elain is good and special and that's why Nesta protected her at all costs, and the next Nesta is furious with Elain, claiming she was "undoubtedly wholly convinced of her own innocence, her innate goodness" and mad at Cassian for defending Elain.

So again, I think much of what those three say / think in regards to Elain, Lucien, and Az needs to be taken with a grain of salt

Cassian was the one who predicted Nessmerie and guess what? They ended up being as close as sisters.

Rhys was the one who said that he might need to pull some threads in regards to Nessian and guess what? They were mated in the very next book.

Mor predicted that Lucien was trustworthy enough to enter Velaris and guess what? He didn't steal Elain away and he never sold out Velaris to anyone and helped provide information to the NC about Autumn.

We have Cassian telling us that Nesta was wrong about Elain being loyal like a dog, Rhys admit that maybe Elain behaves in certain ways because of the way the sisters treat her, we have Rhys and Mor tell Feyre to stay out of things with her meddling. We have Amren tell Az he's wrong about Elain. We have Rhys express genuine concern over the way Az spoke of Elain. These are characters who are a few steps away from it all and able to think more rationally because they aren't as personally invested in what happens. Feyre feels guilty for her sisters being made so she was desperate to throw Elain in any direction she thought might snap her out of her depression (except giving her a real chance to interact with her mate). Nesta and Az have / had too much of their own self loathing to see anything clearly. But in my opinion, Cassian, Mor, Rhys and Amren are the voices of reason when it comes to what's going on with Elucien and E/riel.

#elucien #antie/riel #anti e/riel #pro elucien

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