#i never thought about the acronym that it spells out

[speedcomic]

Why is it only now that I realize what Super Heroes In Training stands for.

The snort I let out when I realized.

Young Justice (1998) #52

[fatkish]

Funny (Y/N) x MHA

Inside the teachers lounge:

(Y/n): *looking at Aizawa from across their desks* choke me with your thighs daddy.

Aizawa: no

Vlad and Hizashi: *spits out drinks*

All Might: *chokes as blood spills from his mouth*

——————————————————————————

All might: Is the plural of milf/dilf milfs/dilfs or milves/dilves?

Aizawa: Milfs.

(Y/n): Milf/dilf is an acronym, you can't change the spelling to milves/dilves.

All might: Wait, they're acronyms? What do they stand for???

Hizashi: Mom in late forties, dad in late fourties.

Hizashi: I learned that from the movie called M.I.L.F that I saw the trailer of in theaters probably 5 to 7 years ago.

(Y/n): Mom/dad I'd Love to Fuck.

All might: WAIT, WHAT THE FUCK—

All might: I NEVER REALIZED IT WAS ACTUALLY HORNY!

Hizashi: Oh, is it not mom in late fouries?

Aizawa: What? No! It isn't!

Hizashi: THE MOVIE TRAILER LIED TO ME!

(Y/n): Hizashi...

Hizashi: THIS IS WHY I DIDN'T THINK CALLING PEOPLE MILFS WAS ALL THAT BAD BECAUSE IT STOOD FOR SOMETHING HARMLESS IT JUST HAD A SLIGHTLY SEXUAL CONNOTATION!

(Y/n): I am entirely unsurprised that this is coming from you.

Hizashi: ALL MIGHT, DOES IT MAKE SENSE WHY I CALLED THE DIARY OF A WIMPY KID MOM A MILF NOW BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS LITERALLY JUST A DESCRIPTOR WITH FUNNY CONNOTATION!

All might: The word milf has been ruined for me.

Aizawa: THAT'S ITS DEFINITION, IT CAN'T BE RUINED THAT'S WHAT IT MEANS!

(Y/n): Y'all are dumbasses.

——————————————————————————

Midnight: Subs are so fun to play with. All you have to do is hint at what you might do, back them into a corner with a look, or grab their wrist in a certain way and they're a wide-eyed mess.

Hizashi: What the fuck kind of Subway are you going to?

Aizawa: Substitute teachers deal with so much shit.

(Y/n): Guys

——————————————————————————

All might: Whose turn is it to give the pep-talk?

(Y/n): *sighing* Aizawa.

Aizawa: Fuck shit up out there, but don’t die.

Hizashi: *wiping away a tear* So inspirational.

——————————————————————————

*Bakusquad is learning CPR on a test dummy*

(Y/n): So, assessing the situation. Are they breathing?

Kirishima: No, (Y/n). They are not breathing. And they have no arms or legs.

(Y/n): No, that’s not part of it—

Mina: Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what kind of quality of life do we have there?

Denki: I would want to live with no legs.

Bakugou: How about no arms? No arms or legs is basically how you exist right now, Sparky. You don’t do anything.

(Y/n): All right, well, lets get back to it. ‘Cause you’re losing him.

Kirishima: *pumps frantically*

(Y/n): Okay, too fast. Everyone, we need to pump at a pace of a 100 beats per minute.

Sero: Okay, that’s uh, hard to keep track. How many is that per hour?

Bakugou: How’s that gonna help you Tape arms?

Sero: I will divide and then count to it.

Bakugou: Right.

(Y/n): Okay. Well, a good trick is to pump to the tune of ‘Staying Alive’ by the Bee Gees. Do you know that song?

Denki: Yes, yes I do. I love that song. *clears throat, begins to sing* First I was afraid, I was petrified.

——————————————————————————

Y/n), on the phone: Uh. . Hey, Hizashi , i uh, I’ve been stabbed.

All Might: WHAT? WHERE ARE YOU?

(Y/n): Wait- You aren’t Hizashi . Sorry- I didn’t mean to call you-

All Might: NO, WHERE ARE YOU? IM COMING THERE. IM NOT GOING TO LEAVE SOMEONE ALONE THATS BEEN STABBED.

——————————————————————————

Aizawa: Your smug self-assuredness is revolting.

(Y/n): I think we need to validate self confidence more, lest you end up angry at others for having even a sliver of it. I've done nothing wrong and I have a heart of gold.

Vlad king: I think this message is extremely valid, but also (Y/n) has implied wanting to set off the Yellowstone supervolcano, so what's the truth?

(Y/n): I want to set it off.

——————————————————————————

(Y/n): Why are you like this??

Aizawa: I used too much "No More Tears" shampoo as a kid and I haven't felt a single emotion since.

——————————————————————————

Dabi: I'm trash.

(Y/n): As someone who's environmentally conscious, it's my duty to pick you up. Does 7 work for you?

Dabi:

Dabi: You smooth motherfucker.

Dabi: And yes it does.

——————————————————————————

(Y/n): Crushes are the worst. Whenever I’m near mine, I start acting stupid.

Aizawa: You always act stupid.

Aizawa:

Aizawa: Wait…

——————————————————————————

Twice: Why is everyone so obsessed with top or bottom? Honestly, I’d just be excited to have a bunk bed.

Dabi:

Dabi: I'm gonna tell them.

(Y/n): Don't you dare.

——————————————————————————

Toga: You really believe in (Y/n)?

Tomura: Luckily, they believe in themself enough for the both of us.

——————————————————————————

Kurogiri: I had to pick up (y/n) early.

Mr. Compress: That’s alright. Have they been sick?

Tomura: No, not sick, they’re just very upset because they’ve had a hard day.

Dabi: Wait, why did they have a hard day?

Tomura: They took their two pet snails to school with them today, and they had the snails in their book bag. They let out the snails by the sink in the back of the classroom for some exercise, and some kid, who was visiting the class that day, thought they were snails that had come inside from the playground, so they threw (y/n)’s snails out the window.

Dabi: Oh my god.

Kurogiri: I know you are laughing, guys, but please act sad about it when they get home today.

Dabi: I’ll try but that is hilarious.

Tomura: Yeah, I know. Stupid pet snails.

Tomura: I’m trying not to let (y/n) see me laugh.

——————————————————————————

(Y/n): Guys, I’ve been meaning to tell you… Aizawa and I are dating.

Nedzu, Hizashi, All Might, and Aizawa: *gasp*

(Y/n): Aizawa, why are you surprised?!

——————————————————————————

(Y/n), about Hizashi and Aizawa: My god, would you two just get a room already?

Aizawa: Excuse me, (Y/n)?

(Y/n): You both just keep agreeing about horrifying things and relishing everybody else's misery. So seriously, when's the wedding?

Hizashi: ...

Nedzu: I ship it!

All Might: CAN YOU NOT?

——————————————————————————

(Y/n): Which one of you was going to tell me that tea tastes different if you put it in hot water??

Nedzu: Y- you were putting it in cold water??

Aizawa: (Y/n). Answer the question, (Y/n).

(Y/n): Yeah??? I thought people just put it in hot water to speed up the tea-ification process. didn't realize there was an actual reason.

(Y/n): Plus you think I have the patience to boil water?

Nedzu: You don't have the patience to microwave water for 3 minutes??

Aizawa: Why are you putting it in the microwave to boil it?

Nedzu: Do you think I have the patience to boil water on the stove?

Aizawa: It takes less than a minute.

Nedzu: Is your stovetop powered by the fucking sun???

Aizawa: How long does it take you to boil a cup of water on the stove?

Nedzu: Like seven minutes??

All Might: Just stick the mug on top of the stove on medium heat and it boils in like 2 minutes... less than that if you use a saucepan!

Aizawa: Why are you putting the whole mug on the stove?? On medium heat?? All Might? Your stove is enchanted!

(Y/n): Every single person here is a fucking lunatic.

Hizashi: Do none of you own a fucking kettle?!

[yuri-is-online]

i had a thought when i was showering last night. according to a twst novel iirc, yuu was said to be speaking in japanese to crowley but crowley has never heard of japanese but is still somehow able to understand yuu. this would imply that the world of twst has some kind of built in translation system for those who originated from the world of twst and those from outside of it like yuu to understand one another. this is what led me to think of what if the translations dont fully or accurately convey the intended messages? language is something that evolves and shaped over time and experiences, so for example a word whos direct meaning may mean something may have a another meaning because overtime the locals use said word for something else. and what about slangs? acronyms? or even maybe dialects (if twst has it) its something tricky to fully translate into a whole other language that someone speaks without losing certain aspects of it. so imagine the potential of this little loophole in ship dynamics. like in the recent halloween event, scully refers to yuu with the term "anata" which in direct translation would quite literally mean "you" but it can also be a term of endearment used by married couples. so imagine the translation system just doesnt pick up on the double meaning and quite translating it to its literal meaning. too bad for the boys trynna flirt with yuu and yuu is just staring at them kinda confused like thanks? completely not getting it while the others are just doubling over either at how obvious it is to them or how yuu isnt getting something that obvious

hopefully this was coherent enough irbekvkvskjaxn

It was very coherent!

The light novel describes it as Yuya being able to hear the translation happening in his head, I like the idea of the translations not always being fully accurate because language is complicated! And I like the idea of magical and natural translation being able to co-exist in Twisted Wonderland. Sure a school like NRC will have a fancy translation spell cast on it, but a place like Port Town or Harveston won't, so it is up to people who speak more than one language to help out. Not to mention that we know there are older languages in Twisted Wonderland that are considered difficult to read, so it makes sense for a spell to have a difficult time translating them.

The idea of Yuu being confused because the word isn't translating properly is cute, angsty, and painfully embarrassing. Someone wants to lay it on thick and it isn't working, if it's one of the octotrio you know they're getting mocked by the other two. Same with the Heartslabyul gang, they are never living this down. Oddly

That being said once the discrepancy is noticed, I could see certain boys taking advantage of Yuu not understanding to confess their love without having to confess it. Until Yuu thinks about it just a little bit.

[jess-the-vampire]

i spent so long assuming your feathers & mud au was called ‘arofam’ because everyone in it was aromantic before i figured out it was an acronym. i feel silly now.

if it makes you feel any better, you are far from the only person to say that.

it's basically a running joke.

i titled the au based on the hidden saying from the show "A curse of feathers and mud", in reference to eda and belos, but obviously turned "Curse" to "reverse ", because it made for a good pun name for an au where they have swapped roles.

at no point did i realize till much later that my " A Reverse of Feathers and Mud" Au, when using it's acronym, spelled out AROFAM

which, taken out of context, absolutely sounds like an au about an aromantic family.

Sorry if i disappointed anyone who thought they were getting a VERY different kind of au, it was more of a bizarre coincidence then anything.

personally, even tho dana does say that statements outside of the show are technically non-canon, i make an exception when it comes to canon sexualities. If a creator has a canon sexuality in mind for a character, i personally choose to respect it, whether it's stated in the show or out of the show.

so yeah, hunter is kept bisexual here and i would never try and erase that part of his character if people were wondering, granted, he could still be bisexual and aromantic if you chose to interpret him that way, but it was certainly not the reason i titled the au that way.

caleb i also headcanon as bi, but philip and kiki are currently in the "Undecided" category.

So i mean, i guess until future notice, could still have half an aromantic family in here.

[youling-the-ghost]

sfth incorrect quotes pt.10 because school's kicking my ass and I need my daily dose of brainrot to survive

AJ: Go fuck yourself. Sam, smugly: Sure, but only if you watch Tom: It doesn’t have a bone. Sam: Then why is it called a boner? Luke: Look, do I consider myself attractive? Yes. But would I have sex with my clone? Also yes.

AJ: Is the plural of milf/dilf milfs/dilfs or milves/dilves? Sam: Milfs. Tom: Milf/dilf is an acronym, you can't change the spelling to milves/dilves. AJ: Wait, they're acronyms? What do they stand for??? Luke: Mom in late forties, dad in late fourties. Luke: I learned that from the movie called M.I.L.F that I saw the trailer of in theaters probably 5 to 7 years ago. Tom: Mom/dad I'd Love to Fuck. AJ: WAIT, WHAT THE FUCK— AJ: I NEVER REALIZED IT WAS ACTUALLY HORNY! Luke: Oh, is it not mom in late fouries? Sam: What? No! It isn't! Luke: THE MOVIE TRAILER LIED TO ME! Tom: Luke... Luke: THIS IS WHY I DIDN'T THINK CALLING PEOPLE MILFS WAS ALL THAT BAD BECAUSE IT STOOD FOR SOMETHING HARMLESS IT JUST HAD A SLIGHTLY SEXUAL CONNOTATION! Tom: I am entirely unsurprised that this is coming from you. Luke: AJ, DOES IT MAKE SENSE WHY I CALLED THE DIARY OF A WIMPY KID MOM A MILF NOW BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS LITERALLY JUST A DESCRIPTOR WITH FUNNY CONNOTATION! AJ: The word milf has been ruined for me. Sam: THAT'S ITS DEFINITION, IT CAN'T BE RUINED THAT'S WHAT IT MEANS! Tom: Y'all are dumbasses. Tom: I am the left brain, I am the left brain. "I work really hard until my inevitable death" brain. You've got a job to do, you better do it right and the right way is with the left brain's might. AJ: I LIKE OREOS AND PUSSY- Sam: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming? Tom: Can everyone in this godforsaken group please learn the skill called "Think Before You Speak"? Luke: Ya know...it might be. Sam: How do you tell someone that you wanna have sex with them in a polite way? Tom: Excuse me Mx. Would you give me the honours of indulging in sexual activities with you? Luke: What the fuck is wrong with you two? at the supermarket Sam: All right, the last item on the list is "virgin oil." Sam: Sam: Wow. Imagine being an item and still being called a virgin. Tom: Capitalisation is the difference between "I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse.." and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse.." (It was then that Junyu realised...he accidentally turned on NSFW only and that's why the quotes have been so horny.) Sam: Hey! Wanna hear a joke? Tom: Sure. Sam: Your life! Tom: Actually, my life isn’t a joke, jokes have meaning. Sam: Tom, no. AJ: Can you recommend a book that'll make me cry? Tom: General Mathematics 8th Grade Edition. (in reference to that one guessing game where AJ forgot how math worked) Luke: It's locked. You got a lock pick? Tom: Yeah- Sam: *kicks down the door* Luke: They can't make me admit France exists, right? Legally, that's not allowed. Luke: Sure, if France was REAL I'd say I liked it. Luke: But who's to say. AJ: I think France isn't real. Tom: AJ, you used to live in France. AJ: And??? AJ: You gave me up, you let me down, you turned around, and deserted me. Sam: But did I make you cry? AJ: *cries on the spot* Sam: ...Shit. AJ: Why's it called an oven when you of in the cold food and you of out hot eat the food? Tom: ...What??? AJ: What’s your biggest fear? Luke: I am incredibly arachnophobic. AJ, under his breath: You don’t want spiders to get married? Tom: Luke, I think we have a problem. Luke: What, the fire? Tom: No, the- wait, what fire? Luke: Oh forget about it, this sounds more interesting. Sam: Hey Luke, can you give me the opposite of these words? Sam: Always, Coming, From, Take, Me, Down. Luke: Never, Going, To, Give, You- Luke: The fucking satisfaction. Luke: Inside you, there are two kidneys. Luke: I’m gonna steal them. Tom: So my therapist was talking to me and she said that I really just need to break down my walls and let people in. Tom: So I’ve decided to break the fourth wall. Tom: *looks at camera* Hi there. I use humor as a coping mechanism.

[kayla-kloudz]

can we get headcanons/oneshots of how the daemos boys would act around a teen girl? like a gen z girl and them being protective and just learning ab human school and stuff

A/n: This was tougher than I thought sobs anyways I hope you like them!

Daemos boys with a gen z teen girl headcannons

Asch:

- Silently protective, will gaurd her from afar

- If he gets confronted about it he'd deny it big time "oooo are you protecting her?" "What ew no never!"

- Pretends not to care, but glares at anyone who upsets her

- Acts like a big brother

- Buys her spicy chips “because humans like weird snacks, right?”

- Forces her to watch socky the sock puppet

- will only help with homework if he is pestered enough "fine if it gets you to shut up"

- stares at the homework like it's written in an alien language "tf does this even mean???"

- safe to say he is no help

Pierce

- Major dad vibes

- will call her child or human child

- Carries her backpack without even being asked

- Says “Yes” every time she needs help, no questions asked

- Will follow her around school if he is able too

- doesn't understand why he can't do that "why not? I am here to protect her"

- Blinks in confusion at the slang "child what is.. slay? Are we slaying people?"

Rhys

- also dad vibes

- best person to go to for homework help (as he's actually helpful)

- he corrects her grammar in texts all the time

- never use acronyms for stuff he will either be extremely confused or go into a long rant about using "proper spelling"

- Sets up her study schedule like it's a mission plan

- Buys her glasses-cleaning cloths “just in case” ("I don't wear glasses Rhys" "you never know")

- Teaches her how to debate her way out of trouble

- kids bullying her? Here's a step by step lecture on how to utterly slaughter them with your words

Noi

- Gasps dramatically at every tiktok she shows him

- Tries to use Gen Z slang… but fails horribly

- Bakes her cookies after a bad school day

- gives her matching friendship bracelets because “we’re besties now!”

- is more of a comforter than a fighter but if the circumstances call for it he will use his all to protect her

- tries to help and wants to help with homework but ends up looking like a lost puppy

Leif

- insists that he is the "cool older brother"

- wants to know ALL the drama

- top tier gossiper

- people are bullying her? "I'll stab them"

- "No, Leif, you can't do that" "and why not?"

- will help with homework, but will get every answer wrong yet he's so confident he did it right

- "um no Leif this is wrong" "No its not! How would you know!? You asked for my help"

- out of all of them he picks up the slang the easiest and understands it the most

[theadventurerslog]

Quest For Glory IV: Shadows of Darkness | Part 5

The Adventurer's Log

I was going to head straight to bed, but then I figured since I was up anyway, why not check around town a little more? I went to visit Dr. Cranium again.

I came just in time to witness "a magnificent scientific experiment!" He'd harnessed lightning and would use it to create life itself!

It... didn't quite work out.

He wasn't terribly fussed though. Just a momentary setback in the annals of SCIENCE! He'd readjust the Magnetic Electrical Stimulation System (M.E.S.S. He has quite the names and acronyms) and try again another time.

He's convinced the primal force of life is electrical in nature. But water and pizza are important too.

Gotta have that pizza.

There have been more storms lately so he was able to harness and store more lightning.

I had some new options like telling him about my adventures in Spielburg. He'd been there a few months ago on an Antwerp gathering expedition. There was an Antwerp population explosion last Spring--I...I can't imagine why cough. Actually I have no idea what that timeline has been so far so I might not have been responsible for that particular population boom. But I'm still taking credit.

The people were still talking about my adventures. He wasn't impressed with the other details like Baba Yaga being turned into a frog. Poppycock! He claimed there was a perfectly straightforward scientific explanation for all that and I'd really like to know what he thinks happened. FROG. Like her house flying away could be some kind of propulsion, but. FROG.

He noted Nikolai isn't as old as he appears. Been very unhappy since his wife's disappearance 15 years ago. He understands his disappointment; she never brought him back the berries he needed for an experiment. Hmm...

As I left he decided he'd better wait a day or two before continuing his "Frankie"--yep, yep there it is--experiment.

Oh, I also got a second flask from him, too.

Then I went back to the inn to sleep, only to hear voices...

I was being spied on...

A man and a woman. I think the woman was Katrina but I'm not sure if I'm remembering her voice correctly for sure, but sure sounded like we'd met already so I'm gonna assume her unless proven otherwise.

The man didn't understand why she didn't just capture me. Foolish charades. She thinks they'll be best served if I act under my own free will.

This implies the man is Ad Avis to me?

What are you trying to get out of me though?

She thinks I'm quite capable, but has ways to make me cooperate but will only use them if she needs to.

So I have plotting going behind my back at my expense! Not surprising, but the plot thickens.

I, however, had a Domovoi to somehow save. Though I wasn't sure how. Maybe just get some water? Maybe water from Erana's Garden even?

I stopped by Igor and this time was able to tell him about Dr. Cranium's request for the fluid.

"Doctor ask Igor do strange things like dig up bodies. Igor bury bodies and doctor make Igor dig them up again."

Yeah, gotta reanimate them... but bring the fluid?

Ah well.

There was a stream just outside town so I filled a flask with that and tried it on the Domovoi. It did cause a stirring of life, but wasn't enough. I'd need a more 'intensive' form of liquid.

Water from Erana's Garden didn't work either, though while there I got another fruit, watered the bonsai tree and learned my glide spell let me float over bodies of water.

So I got a bit stuck. I didn't get anything useful out of Dr. Cranium though I did pick up another poison cure and healing potion.

I talked to Olga and she told me to tell Boris that if he'd ever gotten work done instead of spending all his time carousing at the inn, she wouldn't have had to complain.

I guess I'm gonna be going back and forth between them to carry their complaints until we can sort them out. Hero or marriage counselor?

That didn't help with my Domovoi problem.

I stopped and slept on it, by which I mean I thought of more ideas while getting ready for bed and had to resist booting everything back up.

I remained stuck and cautiously searched online only to see that it seems like something I can't do yet anyway! Forum post I saw acting like it could be done the second day, hmph. Serves me right for trying to be aware of any potential problems first. Anyhoo, I already suspected I'd need Dr. Cranium's help and indeed I would. Just not yet I guess.

In the meantime, I'm just going to try to pretend I never saw that warning to begin with that made me all paranoid and continue on my merry way hoping everything will be fine.

I went off to talk to Boris again about Olga's latest message to continue my role as messenger... marriage counselor... something.

I found 5 crowns in a stump just outside the town gate I'd missed before. That was nice.

Boris claimed there was nothing to do at the shop with no customers anyway. So, he'd sit at the inn and talk with the other men. Why dust with so few customers? She was always giving orders.

He came out here to get some peace and quiet from her nagging.

So back to Olga for me I guess! I'm in this spat now, might as well see it through as far as it'll let me...

She just wanted the shop to be neat and clean in case someone did come in. Why should she do all the work? It was his family's business to start with anyway, oh ho. Drama.

He said there was much to do to keep it running and his family used to work together to do so. If only Olga wouldn't nag him all the time. They used to enjoy running it together, but what's the point with no business?

Me! I'm business now!

I'm glad this route between them is short and easy.

There are things to sell! Sandwiches! Avocado and garlic sandwich mm mm mmm.

I did buy several of her sandwiches myself but they don't sound good...

Back to Boris and the key back to his heart was found I guess as he started reminiscing on those sandwiches. They had them on their wedding night. The wedding cake she baked herself was decorated with avocado and garlic flowers. He was reminded of how much he misses her and would go back to visit her. Success?

I went back to Olga and this time had to ask about her husband. He did come back to visit her and would come again after work. Given I went straight back that was an incredible stealthy and fast visit! Jokes aside he said he'd visit again after work and she thought it was nice to see him. Reminded her of old times.

I guess that's resolved, at least for now. Yeah, I went back for a last check-in with Boris.

All seems well now.

I still had a chunk of day left, so it was time to explore more.

I had another fight trying strategy mode where you just seem to tell the computer what to focus on more with sliders between stuff like aggressiveness, defence, magic and special attacks. I'm not sure if I like that either! But I'll stick to it for now.

I found... bushes... meowing bushes?

I poked the wiggling meowing bush.

I had to guess at a name.

Obviously this is Rumpelstiltskin. Or Nikstlitslepmur. Or Ifnkovhgroghprm!

Of course, it's Leshy. But I had to then try the Wild Guess option.

"You take a wild guess: Your name is Cedric!" Heehee.

The Leshy was not happy with that and vanished along with the rest of the bushes. In fact when I tried other options he at least responded with a rhyme before disappearing. With Cedric the bush just shook violently then vanished... That's mean. Everyone's mean to Cedric. I'm bugaloo-ing sadly. I mean, I snorted too (sorry Cedric), but still.

That little aside...aside.

"Leshy Leshy look up a bush or a tree." Could I solve his riddles every time? Then he vanished so I can only assume I had to keep hunting him down. Turned out that wasn't much of an assumption; I just had to leave the screen and come back. This time he was in a bush that would run to another bush and I just had to 'use' each bush he was at one by one until there weren't any left and he appeared to ask another riddle.

He asked about who lived in the lake and I had some confusion and worries because there was no seeming way to answer. He would linger for a couple seconds then vanish. Turned out after he vanished I had to use the talk icon on myself to answer, but I assumed I had to answer while he was still there, but there was no cursor to use until he was gone. That was a 'fun' little bout of confusion and worry that something was bugged, but I got there...

He next brought up a witch living in a hut of sticks with another clue. That has to be Baba Yaga.

"Bushes hear! Now Disappear!" Maybe? Like the "Hut of brown now sit down" rhyme?

I was sure that'd come together once I found my way over to Baba Yaga's hut area. It didn't seem like I could do more with the Leshy now, so I continued on.

Some meandering southward brought me to the area where I'd first spotted the hut on the cliffs so I made a more conscious effort to find a route and found some suspicious bushes.

Just as the Leshy spoke of. I got to tell them about myself in a long-winded tale of my exploits. They weren't impressed. I could also repeat the phrase Leshy told me. That made them disappear.

And here we are. Baba Yaga's hut.

About the body:

It's a dead body, artistically laid out for maximum shock effect. (Actually, it just happened to fall in that position, but please don't tell anyone.)

And a familiar skull:

The nearest skull is fixed in a perpetually sour expression. One eye socket is empty, the other filled with a brilliant gem "like the flare of the frost flame."

Like the gem from a frosty giant! I know that skull and gem. And further narration made note of that familiarity.

It was time to say hello to my old skull friend.

Baba Yaga actually did come back later to pick him up.

Half his conversation was unvoiced and the text boxes were zipping by even with my speed lowered... I may read fast but not quite fast enough. Thank goodness for screenshots. Something buggy there I guess?

I told him about the gnome and he thought I'd be more likely to end up in her frying pan, but he was willing to help if I helped him. He wanted something useful that would also "add a certain dash" to his appearance, something to keep the sun out of his eyes maybe. Then he'll tell the other skulls not to crispy fry me. So I guess I need to be on the look out for a hat.

A few other tidbits: Baba Yaga is back to her old self. No more froggy witch there. No more rhyme for the hut, just walk up and it'll squat and let you in if it wants. He's still enjoying his gem.

I tried going toward the hut anyway and the skulls did shoot at me but only for a bit of damage and bounced me back. I hoped for a death. So, I just kept doing it until I died. It took many tries while Bonehead laughed at me every time.

I was hoping I'd get a bit more of a reaction from him too, but oh well.

I decided to make my way back to either the garden or town if I could make it. On the way I ran into the Leshy again and was able to answer his question about Baba Yaga this time.

He had another one for me:

A berry bush with an attitude? No idea about that one yet. I'm certainly curious to find out what that's about.

Okay, I was going to try to find my back to a rest spot (my mapping has been hit or miss), but I ended up not too far from Gypsy Camp so I went for it.

"Surely they won't mind just one visitor." They did.

This guy had multiple wolves and nothing I said could get anything out of him except telling me to go away and threats of the wolves attacking me.

I guess I need something more to convince them? At least I hope that's the case and isn't another Dr. Cranium situation where I did have everything I needed available to me already to open his door.

Back into the forest... and the night...

[flamingfoxninja]

Well this reminds me of some kids I met up the block, a kid named Alfie and his friends, Well we were chatting and all and I gave them some change I got for some sodas since it was pretty hot outside. And you know what they said? They said that I'm a goat. Or well The Goat was the exact phrase here. And I'm sitting there just trying to figure out what they meant by it. Cause you know I may be old but I'm not that mean. And they wereso genuine about it I knew they weren't being mean either. So I asked them. And you what they said? It's an acronym: Greatest Of All Time. Well isn't that something. I mean I try to be a decent guy, but the greatest? They're really sweet those kids.

But now I'm thinking, well listen to this....

<plays tape>: "ya Ohio mogger. You think you're sigma riz? No you were always skibidi sus with looksmaxxing and you're delulu if you think I'm going to let you yeet the bussin goat. Bet."

Now I listen to that and I don't know half the things that's being said. Its probably my age catching up to me. Everything seems to go in one ear and out the other. Even my own thoughts. I'll tell yeah i have to write everything down on my notepad otherwise my wife would be mad if I forget to buy her coffee. In fact I got all the words written down here, at least how I think they are supposed to be written. And the dictionary can't help me, everything is online nowadays so I can't just go grab the dictionary off the shelf to make sure I spelled it right.

Well so I was thinking, the best way of getting anywhere was by going to the source. So I went to little Alfie, a wonderful kid by the way, and he was nice enough to help me with the spelling of these. Even told me what those words mean, like Ohio being "bad". Now I've never been to Ohio myself so they might be exaggerating, but well, kids will be kids.

My point? Oh, I do beg your parden, I don't mean to keep bothering you on this. But you see, Alfie said no one uses "yeet" anymore. No one in Gen Alpha uses it. It's too old school for them, too out of touch with the current generation. I mean, seven years isn't that long of a time for us older folks, but for kids it's like ancient history.

So it struck me as a little funny. What with the tape that we found. If the murderer from Generation Alpha, they wouldn’t have used yeet. It wouldn't be part of their normal speech. But all the other words make sense, too. They weren't misused or incorrectly placed. It was like the murderer knew the definition of the words enough to properly use them but didn't know enough about the current trends to know what words are un fashion. Don't you find that a little odd, Mr. Webster?

[yeor-yeona]

the whiskey teaser

pairing: stray kids han jisung x gn!reader

warnings: alcohol use, implied drinking and driving (nothing bad happens), 3rd person, reader is bi/pan, spelling/grammar issues

word count: 1463

a/n: this is just a teaser for now but it's been sitting unfinished in my google docs for months lol if anyone likes it i might complete it!! the plan was around 15-20k so its gonna be a bit of a slow burn,,, not much is happening rn but feel free to comment any suggestions pls be constructive tho :)

Looking around the establishment for what felt like the hundredth time in the last hour, you swirled around your glass, relishing in the clinks made when the hard rock of ice met the delicate glass containing it. You’d come here looking for a distraction, anything to pique your interest for even an instant; to bring anything else to the forefront of your mind just long enough to ease the load of your thoughts. And to no avail. A few people had come up to you, trying to spark a conversation, with and without ulterior motives. You’d indulge them, albeit speaking only a few words at a time before they had lost your interest and you let them know that. 

The first was a man, slicked-back hair and a get-up far too fancy for the environment. He called you beautiful, offered you a drink, and you obliged him. Asking for the most expensive thing sold there just to see his expression. Before you could even get a sip in he was on a tirade about his oh-so-important job as a CEO or CFO or some other acronym with a ‘C’. As hard as you tried to engage in the conversation, he never gave you the opportunity, ending every story he had about his “terrible employees” with a ‘right?’ or ‘you know?’ and then continuing on without leaving you a second to even nod in agreement. 

It got old fast and soon you were right back in your head, thoughts moving a mile a minute toward the one thing you wanted to avoid thinking about. Then he asked, “Are you even listening to me?” You responded with a blunt, “No.” Earning a scowl from him as you now became the object of his scornful speech. He called you a “gold-digging bitch” and a slew of other things that people tend to find offensive. But you didn’t care, why should you? He was a stuck-up asshole who doesn’t know how to have a decent conversation. The only thing you’d gained from the exchange was an overpriced drink, which you continued to drink as he kept yelling, bringing unwanted attention to the two of you. By then you couldn’t even make out what names he was calling you as his voice faded into the background. You couldn’t tell how long it had continued either until he finally stormed off, ushered away by the staff, still muttering under his breath. 

You were a little glad for being a regular at this point, getting kicked out of the bar would have been a terrible way to end your night. 

Maybe 10, 15 minutes passed before another person came up, trying to get your attention. This time a woman, in a lacey black dress and racing jacket. The way she looked at you with those bright blue contacts, made you somewhat uncomfortable, but she was decent enough conversation. She mentioned she was from out of town, visiting for a funeral, here looking to have a little fun before heading back home. You almost would have taken her up on her many offers to do so, if not for the way she spoke to the bartender after he supposedly made her drink wrong. When she turned back to you, you made some excuse about being busy later that night, the first thing that popped into your head and she got the memo. Leaving you without another word. 

The others that came and went weren’t as interesting, quickly repulsing you in one way or another, but you’d determined yourself to stay a little while longer. In hopes that you’d find someone, something to do. Though it was in vain. 

You downed the rest of your drink, delighting in the warmth it brought to your core. You gathered your things, giving a final nod to the bartender before leaving the building. 

Seeing the patter of raindrops hitting the glass doors, you pulled an umbrella out of your bag, opening it as you stepped out. It was a short stroll to your car, only two or three blocks away, but long enough to shake away any last remnants of alcohol that may be clouding your judgment. 

You walked slowly, basking in the sights around you, people running into buildings, failing to prevent themselves from getting soaked, cars zooming by, splashing puddles that had been created in potholes, storm drains sucking in as much water as they could, making tiny whirlpools. You remembered loving these sights as a child, loving the feeling of jumping around in said puddles, not loving the wet socks you ended up with after. But you kept walking, brushing off the nostalgic feelings growing in your heart, you didn’t deserve to enjoy it. 

You reached a crosswalk, the light was red and the speed of the vehicles before you, even in this weather, was enough to discourage you from continuing anyway. As you waited, you heard a sound, it was a sniffle, you weren’t sure if you were imagining it or if it was you yourself. 

You turned your head towards the origin and there stood, well sat really, a man. His head was rested in his arms, held up by his knees. His wavy brown hair glistened under the street lamps, clinging to the sides of his face. He was decidedly underdressed for the weather, with an oversized white t-shirt, that too clung to him from the rain, and a pair of light-wash ripped jeans. 

For some reason, you couldn’t turn away from the sight. You wanted to know why. Why he was sitting out here in the rain, weeping so hard his body shook. So hard it shook even the furthest reaches of your heart. 

From the corner of your eye, you could see the light change and the cars come to a stop. You should have minded your business, you should have walked across the street and went home to wallow in misery, you should have, but you didn’t. Instead, taking cautious steps toward the man, until you were right before him. You stuck out your arm, shielding him from the downpour with your umbrella, unflinching as the cool droplets now soaked into your attire. 

You stood there for a few seconds, not uttering a word. You hadn’t even known why you’d done this to begin with. No, you knew. 

You couldn’t convince yourself you did it out of the kindness of your heart. This was selfish, an indulgent way to prove you weren’t like the people you’d seen earlier today, like the people who hurt him. It wasn't entirely true, but excuses exist for a reason. 

He looked up at you, pulling you out of your thoughts. Even through his questioning stare, his eyes were bloodshot. He must have been here for a while. 

You held the umbrella closer to him, a wordless offering. Still obviously confused, he took it. And you took your opportunity to swiftly leave, walking with more purpose now as you crossed the busy street seconds before the light switched back to green and the engines of the cars, now behind you, roared to life. 

You could feel eyes on you as you walked steadily up the street, probably his, but you didn't turn around to check.

Finally reaching your car, you pulled your keys out of your bag, unlocking the door with a beep. You got in quickly, putting the key in the ignition and turning the heat to max. Maybe giving your umbrella to a stranger in the middle of what was basically a monsoon, wasn't the best idea. You sat there warming up for a few minutes before clicking on your seatbelt and taking off. 

The ride back home was calm, rather than turning on music to drown out your thoughts like you normally would, you embraced the sound of raindrops hitting against the windshield and the hum of the engine. The brake lights before you reflecting off the ground creating a sea of red. The distraction usually bothered you, but now, all you could do was revel in its beauty. 

Even when someone cut you off, you weren't all that angry. Rather than honking or muttering curses under your breath, you simply made space for them and went on as if it never happened. 

Would it be overdramatic to describe this feeling as euphoric? You were soaked down to your underwear, fans blowing at max speed, making your eyes water so that you had to blink them back, lights reflecting off the wet surfaces almost blinding you. But you weren't mad at it.

It felt easier to embrace the negative knowing that even though your day failed, you may have made someone else's a little better. “Should I start doing stuff like this more often?” you whispered to yourself.

home ✿ masterlist

[countessofbiscuit]

hello! i was wondering if you had any recommendations or advice on how to improve on writing milwank in my fic? you're really good at it and i am in awe. any recommended reading etc would be so appreciated!! hope you have a nice day :)

That’s very kind of you, thank you for reading my stories and telling me what you like about them! I’ll try to distill 15+ years of personal interest, family involvement, and academic study into some broad channels to check out (with the caveat that I've never been in the military or lived anywhere near a combat zone):

Nothing beats first-hand accounts, for starters. I read nonfiction, autobiographies, and memoirs, from a variety of veteran nationalities. But it doesn’t matter the war or the conflict or the branch: military experience shapes not only perspective and thinking, but also—particularly important for writing—the words one uses and how one uses them. Read or listen to enough veterans and it becomes clear which phrases and jargon are actually common currency and which are the stuff of Hollywood and bad listicles on the internet. 

Speaking of Hollywood, a really approachable and digestible resource are those “experts react” videos on YouTube that poured forth during COVID. Channels found ex-service people to watch clips from movies, TV shows, and video games and rate their realism. Gamology has some of my favorite reactors. Some are better at explaining their reasoning than others, or just more engaging. Regardless, watch enough of these and you’ll feel like you have someone sitting on your shoulder as you write, guarding you against creating scenarios that are too far-fetched or just fundamentally wrong. 

Another thing first-hand accounts do is prove that truth is stranger than fiction. Sometimes the unbelievable does actually happen—but it helps to know where things went wrong or sideways, so you can use similar bend and flex convincingly in your own stories. 

r/militarystories on reddit is also a fantastic resource for short-read narratives that highlight military attitudes, experiences, and tribulations—as well as, yeah, wild one-of-a-kind, no-shit-there-I-was stories. The sub encourages spelling out acronyms and explaining concepts in a way that civilians can understand, so you don’t have to spend a lot of time googling things. Some of the regular contributors are published authors. It’s also well moderated and the comments on each story are usually equally rich in good jargon and humor. Great for learning more about military culture(s).

On top of this, there is so much open-source doctrinal information, depending on your stomach for dryness. I am fascinated by “admin”, so I enjoy leafing through memoranda, monographs, white papers, and manuals. Understanding certain principals, objectives, and definitions gives you a stronger understanding of what the military thinks military people are actually supposed to be doing—e.g. route clearance, infil and exfil operations, fire support—and how different military elements are integrated to achieve a goal. This really helps when building out fictional units and trying to understand what their day-to-day looks like. Learn how to give a unit's elevator pitch.

If your eyes tire, return to YouTube or Spotify. Put all those male podcasters to good use. Every ex-SEAL has their own platform now where they interview other ex-service people, and their casual dialogue is often as illuminating as their monologues about specific events. Some of these podcasts have five hour episodes. I stick ‘em on when sewing or painting, absorbing a lot of words while I work with my hands. (All my algorithms think I am a specific black gun, black coffee type of male, which is one downside of this type of media consumption.)

I also enjoy reading books by mil-adjacent folks: ex-CIA employees, UN doctors and aide workers, theatre reporters, etc. Their informed perspective and view of the impact of military operations on civil life is informative and thought-provoking. 

Hope this helps, and thanks for your patience as I’ve been away for a month.

[koopytron]

For Disability Pride Month, I just wanna share some thoughts.

If you are not currently disabled, you will be.

Whether it's temporary (broken leg, pregnancy, surgery recovery, etc) or permanent (paralysis, macular degeneration, lost of limb(s), chronic pain, neurodivergent, etc), you will need aid.

Whether you need tools (wheelchair, leg brace, glasses, text-to-speech, etc) or not, you will need aid.

Ableism affects everyone. Becoming older is just a countdown to some form of disability; do not fear the inevitable. Instead, look to your peers who are already affected and gain insight into what truly helps them. Because you will be next. Do not fall into the trap that you are immune to the lack of ramps or public transit.

More under the break.

While I have you, here are ways you can be more accommodating:

- Speaking clearly for those with autism, and repeat yourself (sometimes with different wording) to help them understand. Let them stim and decompress in their own ways.

- Being patient with those with ADHD, they DO want to do those tasks and answer your texts. Give them the time to find the executive function to do so. Don't take a suddenly productive day as their new normal.

- Do not stigmatize those with mental illnesses. Sometimes it is genetic and out of their control, sometimes it is caused by too much stress, and sometimes they are simply not getting the help they need. Create clear boundaries if you must. Sometimes it can be scary, and it's your choice on how to respond. But stigmatizing is the last thing you want to do. It could be you next time.

- Please move out of the way of wheelchairs if you can. It's easier for an abled person to walk through dirt and grass and wheelchairs are more expensive than you might realize; most people cannot afford them to replace them. Please do NOT push them around unless they specifically ask for it. Otherwise you are kidnapping them and it's terrifying.

- People in leg braces and other mobility aids will move slower. They know they are slower. Being huffy about it will not fix their condition. Find the patience to step around them when there is the space to do so.

- Glasses are a disability aid. They are just normalized and sometimes even fashionable. Thought I would point it out since some people don't view themselves as disabled despite wearing them everyday.

- People with chronic pain often bear it without any external signs. Never assume someone is perfectly healthy when they politely decline to give up their seat on a bus or have a handicap marker on their car and you see them walk into the store. For some people, walking for twenty minutes to pick up milk and eggs is all they can manage before they have to rest their feet and parking closer keeps them from collapsing in the parking lot.

- Do not talk to deaf people like they are stupid. Barring any other conditions, they are just like you and me. Speak normally. Most can read lips if you face them. Learning a few signs like "thank you" and "hello" is easy and even fun. (I know about a dozen signs myself and still trying to learn more!)

- Related to that, for anyone making subtitles, if the dialogue is in another language and the audience is supposed to know what they are saying, please find it in your heart to convey it. None of this "Speaking in an alien language" unless the hearing audience is also supposed to be clueless. When it's a real language this is even worse.

- Also, lots of people use text-to-speech programs. Usually because they are blind in some way. Please avoid using acronyms and replacing real spellings with fake ones. The parsers cannot make any sense of k!ll and su!c!de. Just use kill and suicide for the love of god.

I could go on and on, but even if this post has left a lasting impression on only one person then it was worth it. We are all each other's support system. Laws that affect disabled people now will also affect you in the future. Overpriced medicine will also be the prices you will be paying. Insurances will find ways to not cover you because they are assholes.

No one wants to be disabled. No one is gloating about the frankly laughable amount the government provides in aid, if they give out anything at all. Disabled people often lose benefits upon marriage. They are not a subclass for you to ignore. Unlike being a certain sexuality or gender, being disabled is something you can be thrusted in without warning at any time.

Therefore, we must take pride in our disabilities, because feeling shame is not an acceptable replacement.

[emlovesstates]

California: Oklahoma, what do you call people you go out with but don’t try to sleep with?

Oklahoma: ...People?

----/-----

Oklahoma: If it’s any consolation, they got me here on a very misleading text message.

California: Technically, you are about to be screwed in the biology room.

-----

Oklahoma: I committed all 7 deadly sins in 30 minutes.

California: Wow, I've gotta hear this.

Oklahoma: I was angry and envious of my neighbor so I lazily seduced his wife and ate all his groceries and didn't share.

California: You forgot pride.

Oklahoma: No, I'm pretty proud of this.

---

Oklahoma: Hey, wanna take a shower with me?

California: I have a gun in that nightstand beside the bed. If I ever say no to that question, I want you to take it out and shot me because I’ve obviously gone crazy.

-----

Oklahoma: Bro, I had a dream we fucked.

California: Bro, relax it was just a dream.

Oklahoma: Huh, gay, I wouldn’t fuck you.

California: You wouldn’t?

Oklahoma: I mean, unless you want to-

------

Oklahoma: What’s sexting?

California: I'm not having this conversation with you.

---

California: Know why I called you in here?

Oklahoma: Because I accidentally sent you a dick pic.

California: *Stops pouring two glasses of wine.* Accidentally?

-----

Oklahoma: Look, last night was a mistake.

California: A sexy mistake.

Oklahoma: No, just a regular mistake.

------

Oklahoma: There are 20 letters in the alphabet, right?

California: Nope, there's 26.

Oklahoma: Ah, I must have forgotten U, R, A, Q, T.

California: Aww, that's cute, but you're still missing one.

Oklahoma: You'll get the D later ;).

-

Oklahoma, turning to California: Stop calling yourself hot, the only thing you can turn on is the microwave.

---

Oklahoma: We should get you to a doctor for a check up immediately. What if it happens again, and there isn’t anyone around to help you? What if it’s congenital? Oh my God! Was it me? Did I hurt you?

California: …You realize any other person that made their partner pass out on bed would simply feel really proud of themselves,

------

California: New York , you'll be working with Georgia and Oklahoma.

New York : Alright! My fantasy threesome!

Everyone else: *blank stares*

New York : ...Of people on a team.

------

New York , writing in a letter: "I'm going to kick.. your... ass."

New York : THERE. Now send it.

Oklahoma:: Dude, your handwriting's terrible, are you sure you want to-

New York : JUST DO IT!

later

California: So what does it say?

Georgia , reading the letter: They say they're going to "lick my...."

California:

Georgia :

California: Gross-

----

Oklahoma: Is the plural of milf/dilf milfs/dilfs or milves/dilves?

Georgia : Milfs.

New York : Milf/dilf is an acronym, you can't change the spelling to milves/dilves.

Oklahoma: Wait, they're acronyms? What do they stand for???

California: Mom in late forties, dad in late fourties.

California: I learned that from the movie called M.I.L.F that I saw the trailer of in theaters probably 5 to 7 years ago.

New York : Mom/dad I'd Love to Fuck.

Oklahoma: WAIT, WHAT THE FUCK—

Oklahoma: I NEVER REALIZED IT WAS ACTUALLY HORNY!

California: Oh, is it not mom in late fouries?

Georgia : What? No! It isn't!

California: THE MOVIE TRAILER LIED TO ME!

New York : California...

California: THIS IS WHY I DIDN'T THINK CALLING PEOPLE MILFS WAS ALL THAT BAD BECAUSE IT STOOD FOR SOMETHING HARMLESS IT JUST HAD A SLIGHTLY SEXUAL CONNOTATION!

New York : I am entirely unsurprised that this is coming from you.

California: OKLAHOMA, DOES IT MAKE SENSE WHY I CALLED THE DIARY OF A WIMPY KID MOM A MILF NOW BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS LITERALLY JUST A DESCRIPTOR WITH FUNNY CONNOTATION!

Oklahoma: The word milf has been ruined for me.

Georgia : THAT'S ITS DEFINITION, IT CAN'T BE RUINED THAT'S WHAT IT MEANS!

New York : Y'all are dumbasses.

-----

Oklahoma: So anyways have y'all seen New York ?

California: I think they went in Georgia 's room 'studying'.

Florida : Doubt that. I heard groans there.

*Meanwhile in Georgia 's room*

New York & Georgia , fighting:

-------

California: Isn’t it weird that we can’t ride any other animal except horses. Like if horses weren’t a thing, humans would be fucked cause we couldn’t ride any other animals. Like riding animals wouldn’t really be a thing. We should probably be more grateful to horses.

Florida : Elephants.

California: Blocked.

New York : Camels.

California: Extra blocked.

Georgia : Donkeys.

California: Ultra blocked.

Oklahoma: That dick.

California: ...Followed.

Or

Georgia : Isn’t it weird that we can’t ride any other animal except horses. Like if horses weren’t a thing, humans would be fucked cause we couldn’t ride any other animals. Like riding animals wouldn’t really be a thing. We should probably be more grateful to horses.

California: Elephants.

Georgia : Blocked.

Florida : Camels.

Georgia : Extra blocked.

Oklahoma: Donkeys.

Georgia : Ultra blocked.

New York : That dick.

Georgia : ...Followed.

----

California: If you had too, what would you give up food or sex?

New York : Sex.

Oklahoma: Seriously, answer faster.

New York : I’m sorry honey, when they said sex I wasn’t thinking about sex with you.

Oklahoma: It’s like a giant hug.

California: Georgia , what about you? What would you give up sex or food?

Georgia : Food.

California: Okay, how about sex or dinosaurs?

Georgia : Oh my God it’s like the movie Sophie’s Choice.

Florida : What about you Louisiana? What would you give up sex or food?

Louisiana: Oh... um... I don’t know, it’s too hard.

Florida : No, you gotta pick one.

Louisiana: Um, food... no, sex... no, food... sex... food. Ugh! I don’t know! I want both! I- I want hot people on bread!

---

Cali : Florida kissed me!

New York : Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!

Cali : It was unbelievable!

New York : Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!

Louisiana: Okay, we wanna hear everything. New York , get the wine and unplug the phone. Cali , does this end well or do we need tissues?

Cali : Oh, it ended very well.

New York : Do not start without me! Do not start without me!

Louisiana: Okay, alright, let’s hear about the kiss. Was it a soft brush against your lips or was it like a, you know, “I gotta have you now” kind of thing?

Cali : Well, at first it was really intense, you know? And then, oh God, and then we just sort of sunk into it.

Louisiana: Ohh... So, okay, were they holding you? Or were their hands on your back?

Cali : First they started out on my waist and then they slid up and then they were in my hair.

New York and Louisiana: Ohhh.

*meanwhile*

Florida eating pizza in their house: And, uh, and then I kissed them.

Gov : Tongue?

Florida: Yeah.

Texas: Cool.

------

New York: Where's Oklahoma, California, and Georgia?

undefined: They're playing hide and seek.

New York: Where?

New Jersey: I don't think you get how this game works.

[icommitedcrimesasatoaster]

Incorrect quotes , MY FAVORITE! (kill me.)

(From a generator)

Techno: Hey, do you know anyone who can teach me to play the trumpet? Kanade: Why? Techno: I want to wander around playing it to annoy Cody. Kanade: Technically, you don’t actually need to know how to play the trumpet well for that. Techno: Kanade, you have opened my eyes.

Techno: Katara, you need to calm down. Katara, slamming their fists on the table: BUT HOW CAN IT BE "BIRTHDAY CAKE" FLAVOR IF A BIRTHDAY CAKE CAN BE ANY FLAVOR?!

Cody: I’m going to hell. Techno: Probably. Cody: I'll pick you up? Techno: nodding Carpool.

Tommy: Can I have some? Cody, mouth full of cheesecake: It's really spicy, you wouldn't like it.

Cody, dashing into the room: WHY AREN’T THE DISHES IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER?! Katara: …What does that even mean?!

Techno: Katara, what do you value about Tommy? Katara: They’re thoughtful. They pick flowers and bring them to me. Often they’re ones I’ve just planted, but… Tommy: That’s how I know they’re fresh!

Kanade: Is the plural of milf/dilf milfs/dilfs or milves/dilves? Tommy: Milfs. Cody: Milf/dilf is an acronym, you can't change the spelling to milves/dilves. Kanade: Wait, they're acronyms? What do they stand for??? Katara: Mom in late forties, dad in late fourties. Katara: I learned that from the movie called M.I.L.F that I saw the trailer of in theaters probably 5 to 7 years ago. Cody: Mom/dad I'd Love to Fuck. Kanade: WAIT, WHAT THE FUCK— Kanade: I NEVER REALIZED IT WAS ACTUALLY HORNY! Katara: Oh, is it not mom in late fouries? Tommy: What? No! It isn't! Katara: THE MOVIE TRAILER LIED TO ME! Cody: Katara… Katara: THIS IS WHY I DIDN'T THINK CALLING PEOPLE MILFS WAS ALL THAT BAD BECAUSE IT STOOD FOR SOMETHING HARMLESS IT JUST HAD A SLIGHTLY SEXUAL CONNOTATION! Cody: I am entirely unsurprised that this is coming from you. Katara: KANADE, DOES IT MAKE SENSE WHY I CALLED THE DIARY OF A WIMPY KID MOM A MILF NOW BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS LITERALLY JUST A DESCRIPTOR WITH FUNNY CONNOTATION! Kanade: The word milf has been ruined for me. Tommy: THAT'S ITS DEFINITION, IT CAN'T BE RUINED THAT'S WHAT IT MEANS! Cody: Y'all are dumbasses.

Techno: Theater kids are just choir kids who joined forces with the band and strings kids.

Tommy: It’s not gonna work, I’m not a snitch. Cop: Fine, let's try something else. Tag a friend you recently committed a crime with. Tommy: Lmao, @Katara.

Katara: Plants are basically the ideal friends. They are quiet, friendly, and easy to please. All they need is a little water and fresh earth, and they are perfectly happy to lie there all day in the sun. And they don’t make increasingly awful life choices, or hide their relationships. They have never, as far as I know, fucked a bee.

Kanade: Shouldn't get stressed out, it's not good for the baby. Katara: What baby? Kanade, crying a bit: Me.

Tommy: Wake me up- Kanade: Before you go go Katara: When September ends Techno: WAKE ME UP INSIDE

Katara, to Tommy: Well, one of us has to be wrong and it’s not going to be me.

Katara: Techno, keep an eye on Tommy today. They're going to say something to the wrong person and get punched. Techno: Sure, I'd love to see Tommy getting punched. Cody: Try again. Techno, sighing: I will try to stop Tommy from getting punched.

Cody: If karma doesn't hit you, I fucking will.

Everyone is playing a board game together Techno: I will put 'A' down to make 'A'. Kanade: I will add onto your 'A' to make 'AT'. Katara: I will add onto your 'AT' to make 'RAT'. Cody: I will add onto your 'RAT' to make 'BIOSTRATAGRAPHIC'. Katara: flips the board

Techno: Katara, get that hidious thing out of the living room, would you? Katara: Tommy, Techno wants you to get out of the house.

Tommy: Cody isn’t answering my messages. Kanade: Allow me. Tommy: I tried 6 times, what makes you thi- Cody: replying to message Hello.

Cody: I’m terrible at expressing myself. Katara: Don’t worry, actions speak louder than words! Cody: Yes, but my actions are also bad.

Katara: You know you can die from that, right? Techno: smoking a cigarette That’s the point. Cody: drinking alcohol We’re trying to speed this up. Kanade: Eating raw cookie dough and nodding

Cody with a gun to Techno's head: What happens if I pull this trigger? Heaven? Techno: Bold of you to assume I'll go to Heaven.

Techno: If you don't stop talking, I'm going to jump out of that window. Cody: …We're on the ground floor. Techno: I know but I want a dramatic exit.

Katara: The results are in, I’m afraid you have updog… Kanade: What’s updog? Katara: Tommy! Get in here, I told you I could do it!

Tommy: HEY HEY HEY! DON’T TOUCH THOSE! Kanade, touching a figurine: Why? What’s wrong with touching a doll? Tommy: THAT IS NOT A DOLL! This is a figurine, thank you very much. Katara, from afar: IT’S JUST A STIFF DOLL! Kanade: FIGURINE MY ASS! IT’S JUST A STIFF DOLL— as Katara said! Tommy: I hate all of you. That is a limited edition figurine I got from a conventio— Kanade: Drops figurine on the ground Tommy: —n. It was $100; all my money just went down the fucking drain.

Tommy: Let's all agree that going up the stairs on all fours is actually the best experience on earth. Katara: Conversely, going down the stairs on all fours is actually the most terrifying experience on earth.

Kanade: How do you do that? Techno: I'm fearless. Tommy: I saw you run from bees yesterday. You flailed around and tripped over a chair. It was both hysterical and sad. Techno: I'm mostly fearless.

Police: You’re under arrest for trying to carry three people on a single motorcycle. Techno, with Cody and Tommy behind them: Wait, what do you mean THREE?! Police: Yes…three. Techno: Oh, my God— What the fuck!? Police: Wha- Techno: Kanade FUCKING FELL OFF!

Cody: When I met you I thought you were a real bitch. Techno: What changed your mind? Cody: Oh, I still think you’re a bitch, I’ve just grown to like that about you.

Techno: Are we really going to let Tommy keep Kanade? Cody: We kept Katara.

Kanade: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast? Katara: Several traffic violations. Tommy: Three counts of resisting arrest. Cody: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks. Techno: Also, that’s not our car.

Kanade: What do rainbows mean to you? Tommy: Gay rights. Katara: There's money. Techno: The sign of God's promise to never destroy the whole Earth with a flood. Cody: It is an optical phenomenon that separates sunlight into its continuous spectrum when the sun shines on raindrops.

In a group chat Kanade: A pegan just flew into my window. Katara: Pegan? Cody: A what? Tommy: Ah yes, my favourite bird, Pegan. Techno: I thought you said penguin for a second, LMAO! Tommy: Just a normal day with flying penguins crashing into my window. Techno: You have pigeons flying into your window? Can't relate, I have penguins flying into my window. Kanade: I literally just made a typo-

Kanade: Did you bring Techno? Tommy, gesturing to Katara: No, but I brought the next best thing. Kanade: Katara? The next best thing would be Cody. Katara: I would be offended, but Cody is freakishly strong.

Cody: You three, explain right now! Techno: It was Tommy. Katara: It was Tommy. Kanade: It was Tommy. Tommy: ** Tommy:** …fuck.

Katara: Anyone d- Cody: Depressed? Tommy: Drained? Kanade: Dumb? Techno: Disliked? Katara: -done with their work… what is wrong with you people…

Cody: Does everyone know their job for today? Kanade: Water the flowers. Katara: Vacuum the carpet. Techno: Wash the dishes. Tommy: Pretend to be a wolverine. Cody: Close enough.

Kanade: Why cant trees give off something important like wifi?? Techno: So fuck oxygen, I guess.

Kanade: Do you feel any better? Tommy: I feel much better now that you here with me. Katara walks in Tommy: I feel half better.

Katara: Are you good? Techno: In what sense? Katara: Generally. Techno: Oh, definitely not.

Cody: We’ll find another route, it’s not safe for amateur adventurers. Tommy: That sounds like a challenge. Cody: I have to stress, that is not a challenge. Tommy: …Is exactly what you say to dissuade the weak of heart from accepting the challenge. Well, challenge accepted! Cody: There is no challenge!

Cody: I love murder mysteries! Techno, trying to impress them: I've been a suspect in four murder cases.

Cody: The saying “it is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission” no longer applies to Techno.

Tommy: Here is my wall of inspirational people. Cody: Is that a picture of you? Tommy: Yes, I am big enough to admit that I am often inspired by myself.

Tommy: Say no to drugs. Tommy: Say yes to drugs. Tommy: It doesn't matter if you say yes or no to drugs, cause if you're talking to drugs… then you're on drugs.

Cody: You really believe in Tommy? Kanade: Luckily, they believe in themself enough for the both of us.

Tommy: I wouldn’t wish that upon my worse enemy! Tommy: Unless of course. . We’re talking about my enemy, Katara. Fuck you Katara, you know what you did!

Cody: trying to get five seconds of sleep Tommy, poking Cody’s arm: Cody Cody. Cody. Cody. Cody: WHAT? Tommy: …We’re out of Capri Suns—

Cody, about to leave the house: Don’t spend all day watching YouTube, okay? Tommy: I FORGE MY OWN PATH!!

Kanade: Last week, Techno tried to flush a live lobster down the toilet "because it worked for Nemo".

Cody: I’m telling you, my team is competent. Tommy, rushing in: Cody! Kanade tried to make pasta in the coffee pot and now it's broken!

Katara: You guys worried about Cody? Tommy: Totally! Kanade: Yeah, they called me in the middle of the night and just yelled, "what do I do, what do I do, what do I do, what do I do?" Katara: And what'd you say? Kanade: "I dunno, I dunno, I dunno, I dunno." Tommy: Katara: They're lucky to have you as a friend.

Cody: talking about Tommy’s funeral You do know we’re burying a great person today! Techno, shocked: Did someone else die?

Techno: About to do something incredibly stupid Cody: I know I can't stop you, but I won't let you go by yourself.

after discussing a plan Techno: Does anyone have any questions? Cody: Is this legal? Techno: Does anyone have any relevant questions?

Tommy: Strawberry milk doesn’t taste like strawberry OR milk. Techno: Go the fuck to sleep Tommy.

Tommy: What if I lied this whole time and I'm actually 18? Katara: Tommy, stop trying to get drugs. Tommy: Don't suppress my interests.

Cody: When life gives you lemons, what do you do? Katara: Make lemonade! Cody: No, throw them back up in the sky and make life deal with it’s own shit.

Tommy: If I were a drink, I'd be Cherry Vanilla Coke. If you were a drink, what would you be? Techno: Bleach. Cody: Sewage. Tommy: …Please calm down, edgelords.

Techno: That’s a crazy idea. Insane. It doesn’t make sense. Tommy: You’ll do it? Techno: Of course.

Techno: Heh, Cody sneezes like a girl. Cody: How about I pound you like boy? Cody: That didn’t come out right.

Tommy: pulls back the curtain while Cody is showering Tommy: Hey did we - stop screaming it’s me - did we run out of Cheerios?

Tommy: I’m a reverse necromancer! Techno: Isn’t that just- Katara: No. Shut up. Shut the fuck up. You are literally so fucking unfunny that it hurts. It physically hurts my body knowing that people still think murder is funny. I cant believe im saying this but do you guys know how chronically online you all are, thinking that saying “oOh iM a rEVeRsE nECrOmANcER i LOvE tO kiLL pEOpLe” is genuinely funny and will get everyone in the room shitting themselves from laughter?? cause its not. It’s fucking not. In fact, its the unfunniest fucking joke ever. Not just any joke about killing people. This one specifically. Its so unfunny and stupid. Nobody is fucking laughing at that, Tommy. It makes you look like a greasy emo kid who has never been outside once in their life and uses tumblr religiously. Like not even the funny side of tumblr. the fucking unfunny side filled with overused jokes about murder and illegal acts. Honestly, youre so unfunny, Tommy. Fuck you.

Katara: Oh, fiddlesticks! That really ruffles my feathers! Techno: Please, just say fuck.

Kanade: Today, Tommy said a swear word, so Cody said that they were going to wash Tommy's mouth out with soap. Tommy replied, “It’s okay, I like the taste of soap”. Turns out, they’ve been putting soap on their lips to blow bubbles.

Cody: Is it just me or is instant ramen even better uncooked? Kanade: It’s just you.

Cody: What happened to Tommy? Kanade: They died. Cody: They what? Kanade: They died, but they’re okay. Cody: …Can you please clarify? Tommy: Clarification is for the weak.

Cody: What is the most illegal thing you can do with one gold? Techno: Exchange it for a hundred copper, put them all in a sock, and then beat someone to death with it.

Tommy: Coca Cola can remove rust from metal, imagine what it’s doing to your body. Kanade: Pfff, getting rid of the rust, idiot. Tommy: THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS! Cody: Hmm… I've been drinking soda and my body's rust free… not sure where you're getting your facts from…

Cody: Tell them to eat shit, Kanade. Kanade: Tell them yourself. Cody: Eat shit, asshole. Fall of your horse.

Cody: This is a bad idea. Techno: Then why are you coming along? Cody: Someone has to get your injured ass home.

Cody: And have you learnt anything this Christmas, Kanade? Kanade: …Not really. Cody: Nothing? Kanade: Tell you one thing I have learnt—Christmas; ultimately, commercial holiday. Who's the real winner at Christmas? Amazon. they have drones now! Tiny little dystopian slaves delivering iPads and headphones. I ordered a toaster; It was on the doorstep five hours later! Do we need that? It was 4.99! For a toaster! I mean, someone's being exploited there.

Techno: Play to your strengths. Kanade: I haven’t got any!

Techno: What’s your biggest fear? Katara: I am incredibly arachnophobic. Techno, under their breath: You don’t want spiders to get married?

Tommy: What can therapy do for me that screaming in my car for 30 minutes can’t?

Kanade: You believe me? Techno: Kanade, you’re the last good person on this planet. I‘d believe cartoon birds braided your hair this morning.

Cody, texting Tommy: Text me when you’re home safely. Tommy: I’m home dangerously. Cody: Stop it. Tommy: I’m home lethally.

Tommy: You’re insane! Katara: Sure I am, what’s your point?

Cody: What do you call disobeying the law? The Squad: A hobby. Cody: crosses their arms The Squad: That we do not engage in.

Tommy: You have your weirdly sincere humility. Kanade: I prefer the term "self-loathing", actually.

Techno: I truly hate it here <3 Katara: Now replace “it” with “women”. Not so funny now, is it? Tommy: Now replace “it” with “women”. Not so funny now, is women? Kanade: Now replace “funny” with “women”. Not so women now, is funny? Cody: I’m having a fucking stroke. Tommy: Now replace “stroke” with “baby”. Congratulations! Tommy: I’d like to live through a week that’s not a whole new verse of “We Didn’t Start the Fire.”

Techno: Editor's note: What the fuck?

Katara: You’re charged with…..breaking into a pet store? Techno: I thought the animals might be lonely.

Cody: So what are your political beliefs? Kanade, awkwardly trying to impress them: Well, I think Pikachu would be a lot more powerful if he had a gun.

Kanade: Remember everyone, violence is never the answer. Techno: You're right, Kanade.. Violence can't be the answer. Kanade: Correct, Techno. Now, on to the next lesso- Techno: Violence is the question. Techno: And the answer is yes! Kanade: Techno, no!!

Techno: How do ethical philosophers feel about murder? Cody: Well, it’s frowned upon. Techno: Okay, but what if the reason you want to murder someone is to make your life easier? Techno: That’s okay, right?

Katara: Good morning. Cody: Good morning. Tommy: Good morning. Techno: You all sound like robots, try spicing it up a bit. Kanade: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS!

Katara: I’ve done a lot of dumb stuff. Kanade: I witnessed the dumb stuff. Techno: I recorded the dumb stuff. Tommy: I joined you in the dumb stuff. Cody: I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!

Kanade: I think I did fairly well on my anatomy quiz! 🙂 Techno: I forgot I was doing a test. Kanade: Techno. Techno: I said the vertebrae was the back stick because I thought it was funny…. Cody: Techno.

Kanade: I’ve been here in jail so long I think I’ve lost my mind. Kanade: The days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months. Kanade: How long have I been in here now? Almost a year? Tommy: This is Monopoly. (Ref to kanade always being in jail)

Tommy: Hey Katara, check out this funny .GIF I found! Katara: It’s pronounced “jif”. Tommy: Huh? Katara: “Dot jif”, like the peanut butter. The creator said so. Tommy: That’s dumb, it’s Graphics Interchange Format. Katara: The P in .JPEG stands for “photographic”, but I bet you don’t say “J-pheg”. Tommy: “P” on its own isn’t pronounced like “F”, that’s totally different! Katara: It’s exactly the same! Tommy: Name one word that starts with “G” pronounced like “J”. Katara: Gentrification. Tommy: Shoot, should have thought of that. I was just in San Francisco. Katara: For your logic to be consistent, you’d have to say “skuh-bah” (scuba) or “lah-seer” (laser)! Tommy: Yeah? Well, you’d have to say “J-pej”! Tommy: …Wait, “laser” is an acronym? Katara: Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation. Tommy: Huh. Didn’t know that. Tommy: You’re still wrong, though. Katara: You just hate me because I’m right. Tommy: I just hate you in general. Katara: You mean in “geh-neral”? Tommy: Ugh, I’m “joing” to kill you!

Tommy: I have locked Cody in a cage designed by their own art. Oh, they have been well and truly hoist by their own petard. Techno: Could you put it another way? I didn’t understand a word of that. Tommy: I’m blackmailing them. Techno: Oh, happy days.

Techno: Guys! I found a 100 dollar bill! Techno: looks around ….Should I keep it? Katara: Techno, just do the right thing. Tommy: And put in your bag. Katara: No—

Cody: Question, how difficult would it be to bowl in a bee suit? Kanade: Not that hard, I don't think, as long as you can move. Techno: I'd assume as hard as it is to bowl in a maid outfit. Techno: Wouldn't be any harder, but you'd get some WEIRD looks. Tommy: Are. Are you speaking from experience. Techno: No! Techno: Techno: ….Maybe.

Cody: Remember! Curiosity killed the cat! Techno: Yes, but you forget that satisfaction brought it back. So yes, Tommy, go find out if that thing can catch fire! Cody: You're a bad influence. Techno: And you don't know your sayings.

The Squad: walking at the mall Techno: Hey, have any of you guys seen Kanade? They’ve been gone for a while.. Cody: Eh, nope. Tommy: No, I haven’t… Katara: Probably ran off to McDonald’s or something. Kanade: Hey. Techno: Ooh, there you are- Cody: What the fu- Katara: I- where were you?! Kanade: Walking right behind you guys. (Kanade just walks quietly)

Tommy: I will send my army to attack! Tommy: releases a dumpster of raccoons

Tommy: Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of my actions.

Katara: Why is there blood everywhere? Techno: I may have aggressively poked someone with a knife. Katara: You stabbed someone?! Techno: No, no. I aggressively poked someone with a knife.

Cody: I bet you’re wondering why I gathered you here today. It’s because we need to have a discussion about how some people in this room aren’t getting along with other people in this room. Katara: Why did you say that so vaguely? Tommy and I are literally the only people you called in here.

(NOW MINE MWHAHHAHAHAHAHA)

Techno:PHIL , YOU CAN FINALLY HAVE A YOUNGEST THAT ISNT ANNOYING! Tommy:HEY SHUT UP BASTARD Kanade:hi:)

Cody: Where is your like. mom? Katara: ..Dead Kanade: Same. Katara: Tommy: My mum is death so like idk

“I may have accepted and almost killed a guy , but Tommy i think yoy deserve to murder him. No matter what aang says.”

-Katara

Clones:He’s so mysterious and cool i wonder what he’s thinking about Techno:

Techno: So.. this is the guy you are devoted to with all your life? Cody: Internally dying ..yes Techno , starring at Obi-wan Kenobi as he goes into battle with no armor , is British and is stupid: Cody , your better then this. please. This genuinely makes me feel bad.

Cody: Somebody is going to die- Techno , pulling out a sword: -Of death! 😄

Cody:no- techno- no you cannot kill the chancellor-

Techno:ANARCHY DOESN'T CALL FOR QUITTERS CODY

cut to 10 minutes later , the five are just stending over the exploded body of plapatine , who turned out to be an evil space wizard

Techno: I was correct- Cody , about to murder him: Shut. the. fuck. up. I'm processing this. Tommy , drinking a milkshake: This was fun. Kanade , also with a milkshake: Who knew it was fun to kill political leaders who are corrupt? Katara , sipping out of her own milkshake: Don't know , this will be great threat material.

after Cody has to explain to the jedi council why they murdered the chancellor

Cody: I- Techno , not caring in the slightest: I was in a silly mood

Cody: What do you mean you have been treated like a human being? Everyone else at the table: Techno: No he has a point

Phil walks into the room , with the gang laying in a circle , in the middle a speaker playing Nobody By Mitski Phil:.. you guys good? Cody: We can't get therapy so this is the best next thing. Katara: Sad white girl music. Tommy , absolutely sobbing: SHUT UP

Tommy in tears: So yeah- I guess that's all, my whole life story. Cody: Tommy I- Hey Dhar Mann fam, I hope you enjoyed that message about how you should never judge a book by it’s cover. And remember, we’re not just telling stories, we’re changing lives!

Tommy: God I never liked cigarrets , they taste bad. Cody: You aren't supposed to eat that- Tommy: Thats what i said!

Techno: A strategy you should always use against your enemies is telling bullshit. Straight up lies or truths exaggerated so high that they can’t even be considered truth. So when you slip up they think its just another lie. Tommy: That’s how they didn’t take you seriously?? Techno: Yeah basically

Kanade: I am not short , i am fun sized. Tommy: Wheres the fun then? Kanade: In your mother. Cody: Spits drink

.....theres a lot of em-

[siren-darkocean]

Ninth Grade Samurai aka Samurai Series Incorrect Quotes

Of books:

Ninth Grade Samurai (Book 1)

Phoenix Song (Book 2)

Curtain Call (Book 3)

Nothing is accurate to canon y'all it's an AU!

Howard: This blood line ends with me!

Randy: That's the fanciest way I've heard someone say "I'm gay".

**

Heidi: (with finding herself in the middle of the Ninja and Samurai fights against the Sorcerer and McFist) I don’t go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me first.

**

Howard: What did you order this morning?

Rei: What do you mean?

Howard: I heard you answer the door, and I sensed food.

**

Rei: Comparing Howard and Randy is like comparing apples and oranges.

Howard: We’re both unique in our own ways?

Rei: Apples are superior in every way and all oranges should be eliminated.

Randy: Which one of us is the orange?

**

Randy: So oxygen went on a date with potassium, it went... OK.

Julian: I thought oxygen was dating magnesium, OMG.

Randy: Actually oxygen first asked nitrogen out, but nitrogen was all like NO.

Heidi: I thought oxygen had that double bond with the hydrogen twins.

Howard: Looks like someone's a HO.

Julian: NaBrO.

Rei: I'm done with all of you!

**

Rei: State your name, rank, and intention.

Randy: Randy, Randy, fun.

**

Heidi: Randy, you'll be working with Julian and Rei.

Randy: Alright! My fantasy threesome!

Everyone else: *blank stares*

Randy: ...Of people on a team.

**

Howard: Is the plural of milf/dilf milfs/dilfs or milves/dilves?

Randy: Milfs.

Rei: Milf/dilf is an acronym, you can't change the spelling to milves/dilves.

Heidi: Mom in late forties, dad in late fourties.

Heidi: I learned that from the movie called M.I.L.F that I saw the trailer of in theaters probably 5 to 7 years ago.

Randy: Mom/dad I'd Love to Fuck.

Rei: WAIT, WHAT THE FUCK—

Rei: I NEVER REALIZED IT WAS ACTUALLY HORNY!

Heidi: Oh, is it not mom in late fouries?

Julian: What? No! It isn't!

Heidi: THE MOVIE TRAILER LIED TO ME!

Howard: Heidi...

Heidi: THIS IS WHY I DIDN'T THINK CALLING PEOPLE MILFS WAS ALL THAT BAD BECAUSE IT STOOD FOR SOMETHING HARMLESS IT JUST HAD A SLIGHTLY SEXUAL CONNOTATION!

Howardy: I am entirely unsurprised that this is coming from you.

Heidi: HOWARD, DOES IT MAKE SENSE WHY I CALLED THE DIARY OF A WIMPY KID MOM A MILF NOW BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS LITERALLY JUST A DESCRIPTOR WITH FUNNY CONNOTATION!

Howard: The word milf has been ruined for me.

Julian: THAT'S ITS DEFINITION, IT CAN'T BE RUINED THAT'S WHAT IT MEANS!

Rei: Y'all are dumbasses.

**

Randy i and Howard: *making loud, shouty gorilla sounds at each other*

Julian:

Rei, exasperatedly: We have a guest.

**

Heidi: I spy with my little eye something that begins with the letter “s”.

Rei: *looks over at Howard and Julian* Rei: Is it “sexual tension”?

**

Julian: Where’s my chair?

Rei: Randy broke it over Howard’s back while they were wrestling.

Howard: Correction, Randy was wrestling. I was eating soup.

**

Julian: Hah! 69! you know what that means?

Randy: What?

Rei: That you're a child.

Howard: HOW YOU GUESS MY IQ?!?

**

Heidi: What are you getting Howard for the holidays?

Julian: I don't know. It's kind of hard buying a gift for your partner when they already got everything they could've ever wanted when they married you. So I'm not sure yet.

Rei: I'm getting Howard a divorce lawyer.

**

Heidi: I told Howard to grab snacks for everyone.

Rei, looking through the options: Why did you grab fruit snacks? Are you five? Who even likes Fruit Snacks?

*Julian, Howard, and Randy raise their hands*

**

Rei: This food is too hot... I cant eat it.

Randy: You’re very hot, and I still eat you.

Everyone at the table: *silence*

Howard: YOU GUYS ARE DISGUSTING!

Julian: One dinner... I just want ONE DINNER!

**

Julian: *about Rei and Randy* They make a cute couple, huh?

Howard: They certainly are standing next to each other.

**

Heidi: I sleep with a gun under my pillow.

Julian: I sleep with a knife.

Randy: Both of you are pathetic.

Heidi: Oh yeah? What do you sleep with?

Randy: Rei.

**

Rei: *does 99% of the work*

Randy: *has no idea what’s going on*

Julian: *says they’re gonna help but does not*

Howard: *disappears at the very beginning and doesn’t show up again until the very end*

**

Heidi: Why are your tongues purple?

Rei: We had slushies. I had a blue one.

Randy: I had a red one.

Heidi: oh.

Heidi:

Heidi: OH.

Howard:

Howard: You drank eachothers slushies?

**

Post curtain call ig

Julian: Why is Rei crying on the floor?

Heidi: She's drunk.

Julian: And?

Heidi: She saw a picture of Randy's spouse.

Julian: But she's Randy's spouse.

Heidi: I know.

**

Howard: I still don’t have a New Year’s resolution.

Rei: You could lose a few.

Heidi: You could be less lazy.

Randy: Don’t be such a bitch.

Howard: Okay DAMN, SHIT.

**

*The gang when they drop food on the floor*

Rei: Aw man. *Throws it away*

Howard: Five second rule!

Julian: Foolish germs, thinking they can stop me!? *Eats it off the floor*

Randy: *Sobs on the floor*

**

Randy: It’s Christmas! Are you all in a Christmas mood?!

Rei: Merry crisis.

Heidi: Jingle bells, jingle bells, single all the way.

Howard: Hoe hoe hoe.

Randy: Guys, please.

**

Howard: Ducks are better than rabbits.

Rei: What? Rabbits are adorable. Have you ever been in a fight with a duck? Ducks are jerks.

Julian: Duck is delicious! Rabbit is all gamey.

Rei: We’re not talking about flavour, Julian!

Julian: Flavour counts!

Rei: Who carries around a duck’s foot for good luck? Anyone?

Randy: You wrap yourself in a comforter stuffed with rabbit hair. I’ll wrap myself in a comforter stuffed with duck feathers! Who’s cozier?

Rei: Okay, but-

Randy: NO, NO, NO, NO. WHO’S COZIER?

Julian: Then why don’t we take a rabbit, a duck, stick ‘em in a cardboard box and let them fight it out!

Rei: BECAUSE IT’S ILLEGAL, JULIAN!

Julian: ONLY IF WE BET ON IT, REI!

Howard: I- Jesus-

[transfemlogan]

Texting Headcanons

Patton: using emojis 24/7. Literally every text will have some sort of emoji, even if it doesn't fit the original message. Texts like a dad & a mom combined. Uses grammar occassionally. Usually types in all caps, because he doesn't know how to turn them off. Sends the laughing emoji when he laughs at something. Prefers talking in person if he can.

"HEY, KIDDOS 👋 YOUR HAPPY-PAPPY PATTON LOVES YA ALL! 🥰💙😻"

Roman: uses emojis occassionally. Types in caps when he's excited. Uses capital letters when necessary and never any time else. Shorten words and uses popular acronyms. Says "ROLF" and "LMAO" when he laughs at texts. Uses the sparkle emoji constantly. Loves to facetime. Double texts like CRAZY

"Helloooo~ ✨️✨️ romans here!! A REMINDER for all of u 2 tell me what u thought of the script ASAP bcus thomas NEEEDDS it by tmrw!!!!"

Virgil: shorten every word ever even if its not readable. Types in all lower case with 0 grammar. Sends 💀 or "lol" when he inhales through his nose at something. Keysmashes when he finds something really funny. Prefers to text above all else & will cry if you try to call him. Spelling mistakes all over the place. Hard 2 tell if something is supoosed to be an acronym or if its a mistake?

"im not rding ur stpjd script roman also twll thomas not 2g2 that dumb party on sat or i swear 2 god ill bloqk all of u ok bye also hi pat"

Logan: proper grammar all of the time. Probably ends his messages with "sincerely, logan" (he knows theyre not letters or emails, but he can't help himself.) Says "that was funny" when he finds something funny (very rare). Prefers in person communication or calling, as he is usually busy working and can't text if he's using his hands. Doesn't use emojis ever & finds them so so stupid but will SOMETIMES use the heart emoji if he's comforting virgil or trying to be nice. Learns about tone indicators after virgil tells him & now he uses them all the time. Will start to let loose if he's comfortable around you. Looking at his msgs with virgil is almost like an entirely different person.

"Hello, all. I have read your script, Roman, and will be sending you my edits soon. I find it to be very long and wordy and full of mistakes. /neg You are lucky you have me to help you. Also, Virge, I'll try to get Thomas to not go to that party /srs, as he has many responsibilities that day, such as: cleaning his room, recording, and doing his laundry. Here is a link to my plan for next week. Please let me know if there's any complaints. Sincerely, Logan."

(Virgil: thnk u L . m not reading ur plsn ethr

Logan: Hi Virgil. That is alright. I'll just let you know next time we "hang out". Sincerely Logan.)

Janus: also texts all lower case & never uses commas but does use periods. Loves to use ":)" and "<3" (<- in a mean sarcastic way most of the time). Doesn't express laughter anytime anywhere. Prefers facetime or in person communication. Doesn't text often. Also doesn't respond often. Will leave you on read, he has other things to do. Uses tone indicators only if he is personally texting logan and no one else. Will sometimes not even respond to what you said in the first place.

"oh of course logan let's have thomas work all the time and never ever get any rest. sounds very healthy :). roman i read your script. hi patton".

(Roman: aand jan? What did u think??

Janus: Read 2:43 pm)

Remus: sends nudes in chat. And the most random gore vids he can find. Types in all caps willingly. Sends very strange emojis that dont match up with anything. Responds lightning quick but also ignores everything you say in order 2 send what he wants 2 talk abt so it doesnt even matter. Homestuck speak. Has never read homestuck.

"H3Y0 🦿🍒🛝😝 CHECK OUT TH12 PHOTO I JUST T00K RN. (Sends a dick pic)"

(Patton: 😨 REMUS, PLEASE DELETE. ❌️

Roman: THIS IS WHY WE NVR LET U IN GROUP CHATS !!!! I WISH I COULD WASH MY EYES OUT. 🤮

- Virgil has left the group chat -

Logan: Hello, Remus. That does not look very healthy. We should send you to a physician to get that checked out. Sincerely, Logan.

Janus: read 2:48 pm)

[bg3-aita]

AITA for trying to stop my best friend from making the worst mistake of his life?

I’m hoping the good people reading this will be able to help me figure this out. It’s been weighing on my mind for days. I can barely sleep, it bothers me so much.

I’ve known my best friend for almost my entire life, ever since we were both skipping rocks on the same Underdark lake as children. Life and various events as we grew older necessarily meant we had to part ways at times, but I never once forgot him. He’s my best and, truthfully, my only friend.

He went missing one day. All I found was a bloodied necklace. I was rightly terrified, to tell the truth, but I knew there was only one course of action. I had to find him. He was in danger.

And find him I did. He was in danger. But with the aid of some rather intrepid (perhaps foolish) adventurers, I was at last reunited with my best friend in what might have been the most cursed but safe inn I’ve ever had the pleasure to rest my head in. But our reunion was…well. Let’s just say it didn’t go the way I thought it would. My best friend was at best dismissive, and at worst…well, a little rude. I might have been the AH here for pestering him when he was tired but I was just so excited to see him.

Anyway, it’s been a few days since then and I've rarely left his side. I thought that once we were home in the city, all would be set to rights. But once we were in the city, everything just got worse. Is worse. My best friend has this plan, you see. A plan that would not only spell trouble for him, but for hundreds of other innocent lives too. He keeps claiming his plan is all for the good of the city. And in some ways, he is right about many things. The city is under, shall we say, dangerous and dubious leadership, but his solution to that little problem is to set off a bomb.

And I do mean that literally.

Not to worry! I’m trying to dissuade him otherwise. There has to be another way. A solution that doesn’t threaten innocent lives. He says these people aren’t innocent and that they’re building weapons of mass destruction, and technically they are doing that, but…I don’t know. Is a bomb really the answer? 

He’s called me the AH for pestering him so much about this. Says he can’t get any work done with me hovering over him “like flies on rothéshit.” Perhaps it’s deserved. I’ve been a thorn in his side for weeks now, but he hasn’t given up. And neither will I. So we’re at a stalemate.

AITA?

What are these acronyms?