#i never really had a depth to begin with because again am Child

[jackgoodfellow]

"Grace" here is being used not in the Christian sense, but rather to broadly refer to the incredible power of human kindness, patience, and love. ❤

High-res closeups:

high-res full image (Google Drive link)

Flower language (or at least the flower language I am using):

Forget-me-nots: these little blue flowers are symbols of memory and remembrance, as well as true love, devotion, and, occasionally, senility

Baby's breath: these tiny white flowers symbolize new beginnings, everlasting love, freedom from corruption, happiness, and thankfulness

Dandelions: A cursory google search says these flowers represent "hope, healing, and resilience," which is apt. But I've included them here as a reference to their symbolism in Fionna & Cake. In this illustration, the field of dandelion puffs that Simon wakes up in at the end of the show has become a field of yellow dandelion flowers.

More analysis, if you're into that kind of thing:

1. I'm never going to get over the fact that Simon saved Marceline for no other reason than to save a child who needed his help, and in doing so - in showing up for his adopted daughter not just once but constantly and for YEARS - he basically saved the world. I think it was a brilliant move to use the narrative to further validate his actions in "The Star" episode of Fionna & Cake.

Marceline is the narrative opposite of Dean and Sam Supernatural.

2. Kindness has a way of spreading and coming back to us in ways we could never predict, which is one reason why I'm ALSO never going to get over how Simon saving Marceline eventually led to Marceline convincing Finn and Jake (and BMO and even Bubblegum) to be more empathetic to the Ice King, who becomes way safer and happier once he is not isolated in his madness.

Finn's kindness towards Simon, both before and after being cured, is a huge deal to me. It's a vital part of his character growth, and I like that Fionna had a parallel moment of growth with the Candy Queen.

Like, yes, it is big and important that Betty saved Simon. But what she couldn't do is love him in his madness. She was unable to love him if it didn't also cure him, and this destroyed her.

And so it is beautiful to me that because of Marcy and her friends, Simon was not left to suffer alone in the darkest depths of his senility. And I really love all the ways the show demonstrates how this deeply affected him even if it didn't make him remember who he was.

I believe this kindness shown to Ice King led to him having the confidence to stand up for himself and accidentally save the world AGAIN when Betty tries to kill everyone to "save" Simon in the Elementals finale because GOD FORBID WOMEN DO ANYTHING.

(Betty is our problematic Queen, and I absolutely love how she's written. The CW could NEVER. The MCU would sooner DIE. 90% of all prestige dramas can only DREAM of having such a complex and dynamic female character.)

3. And finally, there is that most recent and possibly most vital instance of grace of all in Simon's story: the kindness, patience, and forgiveness that he finally learns to start showing to himself.

Simon's is a tale of people being kinder than they have to be and the way that changes everything. I am extremely grateful that his story culminates in him learning that kindness and self-sacrifice are NOT the same thing, and that he deserves his own kindness as much as if not more than everyone else.

[stolas-bgw]

Play the Sidequests You Coward

Final Fantasy XVI is a litmus test for the patience gamers have for a story and worldbuilding.

FFXVI has got it's issues, it's combat is a bit over-reliant on the power of the dominant moves and is a little brain dead. It's crafitng system is... clearly forced in? Like the game did not NEED a crafting system and would probably be exactly the same without it. Late game the combat effects begin to obscure the screen and meld together so it gets to be a little difficult to tell what's going on.

That being said, the one and most common critique of FFXVI as being "objectively bad" are the sidequests. A critique I wholly disagree with and, to be honest, am sick and tired of hearing. When I see a reviewer critique the side quests as being boring and tearing away from the experience of the game, all I hear is "I didn't watch the cutscenes."

These quests are not just "collect 3 nuts, get shitty XP, and move on." These quests are world building and story fleshing out events. Some of the best stories are tucked away in these "fetch quests." These stories make the main quest feel MORE EPIC, MORE IMPACTFUL, not less.

As some have pointed out, CBUIII, the team that made FFXIV, clearly took their design for side quests from XIV and put it inot XVI. Except that's not true. They didn't take the structure for it's side quests, they took the structure from their main quests. FFXIV's main quest is filled with "go fetch 3 things," "go talk to X people," "hold my hand and give me a guided tour of X area." And to some people, these quests are "pointless filler." But to the people who are actually invested in FFXIV's story, you know these quests are ESSENTIAL to making the story as emotionally ressonant as it is.

The same is true for the sidequests in FFXVI. These quests feel as though they SHOULD be mandatory, not optional. But because FFXVI is a more mass-appealing game, CBUIII knew that not everyone would have the patience for dealing with these seemingly mundane issues. It was the correct move to make these sidequests. But they are anything but side content.

The sidequests are not boring fetchquests that give shit xp. They are story quests that flesh out the world of Valisthea, the people of the world, and Clive as a character. They show you why Clive fights for the right to live and die as you choose, they give the message of the game texture and depth. The main quests WORKS on it's own, but the side quests really elevate it, if you give them the time of day.

These are incredibly well written, emotionally resonant, and important missions that I am sick and tired for being compared to "shitty MMO quests." This isn't WoW where you help a random guy kill 40 boars and you never see them again. You getting that food to those people MATTER. Those people needed someone like them to reach out to them, or they may have had a much harder time integrating into a new life. Clive needed to see how horrible the world could be through the eyes of a child raised by a corrupt system. CLIVE would give a shit about the people who work for him and help them out when he can. He would want to LEARN about the people who are risking their lives day in and day out to help make their vision become reality.

Can some of the side quests feel boring? Sure. But that's kind of the point. These quests are grounded in reality and tedioum of life. Not nearly as much as in FFXIV, but still enough that it DOES test your patience and appreciation of the story and world. If you don't like that, that's ok it's why it's side content. But these quests ARE NOT MMO fetch quests. They matter and make the story better for existing.

[vickyvicarious]

I am super busy this week so didn't really have time to make any posts yesterday, but I still wanted to share a few reactions. First, just general/voice acting notes:

Jonathan's relief and reassurance in the sunlight was so heartwarming. Very sad as well - I can't help but dwell on how he has been forced into a largely nocturnal lifestyle - but overall, it just makes me happy anytime he is able to feel comforted by something (which doesn't immediately come back to bite him).

"Yes... there is a way," gave me ACTUAL CHILLS. I can hear so clearly the stakes at hand (life and death and more). Jonathan sounds cunning, resigned, he's flipping the script and it's creepy and it's very brave and it's very very cool!

His goodbyes....! I am sure everyone is saying it, but him starting and ending his farewells with Mina does brutal things to my heart. He loves her so much, so much. And the lighter music for just that bit, and the way he chokes up a little, I just -

"I looked down once, so as to make sure that a sudden glimpse of the awful depth would not overcome me, but after that kept my eyes away from it." That's so weirdly cute. Jonathan is very deliberately avoiding the classic 'don't look down (slips, looks down, freaks out)' moment by taking one intentional look and then just going, okay, that's done, moving on. It's a weird but seemingly effective way to handle it and kind of incredibly lovable.

"It was barely furnished with odd things, which seemed to have never been used;" - okay, but what were the 'odd things'? Is that just referring to the gold? Because the furniture he says is like other rooms so that doesn't feel odd, unless maybe it isn't typical bedroom furniture and that in itself was the oddity? ...maybe he has a weird statement piece couch or something?

The way Jonathan lingers when describing how Dracula's "lips were as red as ever." So creepy, so fascinated, feeling that same kind of draw that was in the vampire ladies scene. Love the voice acting so much.

Dracula sleeping with his eyes open is so so so creepy. God.

Second: gushing over Jonathan section

"I must take action of some sort whilst the courage of the day is upon me." - Jonathan is so brave. He is so scared, he is terrified... but he doesn't want to be ruled by his fear anymore. Ever since the encounter on May 16, he's been having more and more difficulty acting. He stopped exploring, gave up manipulating Dracula, and only waited for an opportunity to seek help when others came. And to an extent, that was all he could do, and being quiet and playing along is what's kept him alive until now, but last night he had to watch a grieving mother blame him for the death of her child right after he had to listen to her child dying and right before he heard her die (and all this after nearly being hypnotized again), and he wasn't able to do anything at all. He tried, he would have entirely given up on protecting himself for the sake of that child, but the locked door stopped him. And Jonathan is so determined today to take advantage of the rare sense of energy the sunlight has given him, he wants to get out of here and is willing to go to extreme measures to do so. He shoves away his gloomy fearful thoughts when they begin to resurface, and acts.

The way he acts, though. Sure, it's a wildly risky move - but I love how his brain works. Even now he reasons it out. Dracula bothers me at night -> maybe he sleeps during the day -> I can search for the key while he sleeps. Every time an objection would normally stop him he just refuses to accept it and thinks of some way past it. The door is locked -> well, the windows aren't. Even in his reckless state, willing to risk death, he still thinks things out.

(How good must it feel to be able to finally do something. But still he doesn't let himself get too carried away, tries to stay alert and on task.)

Case in point: in the room, he takes his time to look at all the coins. He looks at the dates on them too; great attention to detail. He is primarily searching for a key but whenever he sees a possible significant item or clue he devotes proper attention to it. So diligent.

Same thing in the chapel! "Then I went over every inch of the ground, so as not to lose a chance." Jonathan is always so thorough, I love it. He would have searched all the vaults despite his fear if it weren't for stumbling across Dracula. As it was, he was still pretty darn thorough! He even counted every single box Dracula'd had delivered - fifty in all.

And even after his super creepy encounter with the Count... when Jonathan goes back to his room he first "tried to think." Tried to think! Sure, to an extent that may be code for 'tried to stave off a panic attack' but even then it still speaks to his priorities and goals. Yes, that was extremely traumatic and he is terrified and has just completed his second death-defying freestyle wall climb of the day, but Jonathan has clues now and so he's gonna try to think! He's gonna focus on details! Literally, since he starts his entry with: "I must put down every detail in order." It's just what he does, but for the first time in a long time he has new data to work with.

But not long left to do so.

[f0xgl0v3]

Octavian!

Do I know what I am going to write in this? Vaguely. More headcanons because I want to take a break from that rendering of Octavian because I want to work and make something better than putting effort into something I won’t be proud of or whatever.

Also I just want to keep talking about him but whatever,

Octavian never been outside of Camp Jupiter/New Rome is canon in my mind. There have been very few times he has been outside the little bubble, which were,

The Wolf House: where he really just stayed close to the house (obvi. Course I’d love to talk more about the exacts but since we get no information about the wolf house though it’d be a pretty good way to start SoN and then seamlessly blend us into a timeskip of the Gorgon chase but whatever- we are given no information about the wolf house either and aaaaa-) but the Wolf House Octavian mentality was survive through with his wits and try to survive enough to run out of there as soon as possible when he has the training done.

His quest: we get no information on it, but we know that he had to do a quest to become a Centurion (Can confirm this is a rule, check the Senate scene near the beginning, I believe it was Larry the legionnaire that yelled it) though we also, sadly, get no indication what this question was. But I’d like to introduce the idea that it was a duo quest with Michael and Octavian and they became Centurions together (I’ll probably re-read this and then add more on later) but I’d assume this Question also has them steeped pretty deep into the mythological side of the world and they didn’t get much down time. But what little of the mortal world Octavian saw he thought was pretty cool- though he still thinks New Rome looks better. (Because if anyone walks up to me and says the current era of architecture we’re in is better than anything that predates the freaking 1950’s is lying to me and trying to make me buy a house. We have fallen as a society when we started thinking ultra minimalist boring homes that are devoid of any depth or visual interest was the best route to go for our buildings. But that’s another rant from me for another day-)

Siege of Mt.Tam: they had to travel the smallest bit for this but again, didn’t interact with the mortal world much, they all stayed pretty self contained to the temporary camp and the mountain itself.

The cross country trip to go attack the Greeks: this is the one we’re shown in canon or whatever. But this was probably the most chaotic of the times that Octavian had been out of Camp. It was a lot to deal with, really overwhelming to be stuck with everyone with no where to move or anything. But this would be the most he would really interact with stuff like fast food chains, gas stations, all the stuff. And New York, that was a thing that happened. I believe they briefly passed through New York (we know that at some point they’re inside of New York from the Rachel scene if I remember properly) and that meant Hotels, it was similar enough to the barracks that it was fine. Though I think that the whiplash from New Rome to this made Octavian a lot more hesitant about stuff like these cities. He likes modern culture to some extent (insert another Build-a-bear joke. And if anyone asks, I believe he totally gets them delivered to calcedott tunnel instead of going out to a physical store. He has never had the experience and childlike splendor of making one that that needs to change.)

Anyway yeah. I would also like to say that Octavian is okay on a string instrument. However I would like to say that he put all his eggs into one figurative basket when he was a small child by learning one full song only. A 6 year old Octavian skipped over learning reading notes and whatever and just copying the motions until it sounded okay. He doesn’t really know how to read stuff like notes or whatever but has a pretty okay sense of Rhythm.

Don’t ask him to dance though. Octavian may look a little more elegant moving around or fighting but he is an actual newborn giraffe.

Okay that’s all I have for now. Have a rad time and I’ll get out the next couple passes of the CJ map.

[kori-xo]

MY MIGUEL REDEMPTION CARD PT. 1 😀

(OK LET ME JUST SAY FIRST THAT I AM SO SO SO SO SORRY FOR NOT WRITING THIS SOONER- I swear I didn’t forget, I’m just kinda sick rn and going through a writer’s crisis, but ANYWAYS-) 

=

Onto the topic of giving Miguel O’Hara a more in-depth reading and explanation for his actions, let me make one thing briefly clear. I am NOT excusing his actions, especially the ones of aggression towards Miles, as many think. I’m just simply stating some of the reasons as to why he did what he did, and to try and get others to see him as the “good guy who makes the wrong choices” kinda trope his character portrays.  

So, to begin, let’s start with his behavior towards Miles. 

Miguel has stated that Miles Morales is, in fact, the “original anomaly,” which is in a way true. Not the statement that he was a mistake, as it’s never okay to tell a child that, but I’m talking about the fact that Miles really wasn’t supposed to be Spider-Man, bc Miles from Earth-42 was supposed to have that role. 

I don’t think he necessarily meant it in a mean manner, bc let’s face it, the man has SEVERE anger issues

ALSO in regards to the fact that Miguel was not initially too aggressive with Miles. Imo, he could’ve just locked Miles up first, handed out info later, and let his dad die without saying or telling him anything about it until after it happened. But he did try to explain everything beforehand, the multiverse, the canon, the consequences of breaking canon, etc. 

I like to think that Miguel is rather caring towards children/younger people, because after all, he did sort of have a child, that’s why he took Gwen in and let her into the Spider Society. 

The only thing is, he’s also plagued with this burden of the multiverse and feeling like he’s the only person strong enough to carry the task of protecting it, and that the guilt of what happened to his daughter’s and dead variant’s dimension eats away at him so much that he feel like he has to do whatever it takes to ensure that safety. 

“I don’t always like what I have to do. But I know I have to be the one to do it.”

This quote also has such a heavy weight to it bc of everything this man has experienced, he’s traumatized fr 

HE STILL HAS A CONSCIENCE 

But again, that continuous mentality to do everything and anything needed for the multiverse kinda clouds that good judgement and led him to acting rashly, not to mention that the Spot can literally dimension hop at will and potentially destroy everything he so hopes to preserve? It’s giving STRESS-

He also projects a lot of his own stuff onto others ngl

“Being Spider-Man is a sacrifice. That’s the job. That’s what you signed up for.”

So like, pay attention to that very first sentence, okay? That being a spider-person is a sacrifice. 

In this statement, Miguel is projecting his own mentality. Remember, Miguel was lonely and unhappy at first. Then he found the dimension where he had Gabriella, and felt like he would sacrifice anything to get that life. And to finally get that life, only for it to fall to pieces, gave him the idea that as Spider-Man, he had to sacrifice his own life and happiness, things he wanted, people he wanted and loved, all of that had to be sacrificed, else worlds crumble, the multiverse collapses, and everyone’s wiped out of existence. 

Therefore, he projects that onto everyone else, that those type of sacrifices have to be made, that they have to live to lose people and be unhappy, because that’s who they’re meant to be, that’s how their life is supposed to go. 

IN CONCLUSION- 

Miguel isn’t a bad guy. He’s been through things, he’s suffered, he needs a hug for crying out loud, it’s just the way he went abt doing things that I think makes a lot of people hate his character 

It’s a lot to unpack, but I just hope they give him a good redemption arc in BTSV 🫶🏽🫶🏽

THAT CONCLUDES MY 12am DEBATE THOOO 

(If any part of this you didn’t understand or need me to elaborate more on, pls lmk, and I’ll do my best 🥰)

@dramatic-delirium

[theromanticrationalist]

Well, I finished The Big Bang Theory. That was a wild ride! I know this show ran for a long time, but when you binge watch it for several weeks it goes by SO fast, omg. Season 12 felt rather rushed to me, like they had to hurry and get the characters to their end points. I also do not feel like their stories are really finished, but just getting started! AKA if they wanted to make a Sheldon Cooper and Amy Farrah Fowler show, that would be fine be me! I want to see them continue on with their science projects, getting pregnant, having babies, raising children - I WANT IT ALL. GIVE IT TO ME. *ahem*

Some criticism, the emotions at the end didn’t feel necessarily earned. I mean it was beautiful how Sheldon Cooper said he loved his friends and honored them as part of his journey to the Nobel Prize. Only, I am remembering in Young Sheldon, how Sheldon thanked Missy Cooper in his High School President speech, and I was like a MESS. I wanted to just outright bawl my eyes out! There was so much earned emotion there between Sheldon and Missy. Also, Sheldon thanked Missy from his own heart, and wasn’t bullied by his friends and loved ones.

So, I get that this is a sitcom, so it just comes with the territory, but everyone was so angry and upset at Sheldon, when in reality they literally never fully communicated any of their problems WITH Sheldon. They always just enabled him or submitted to him in resentment, when a good direct face to face chat was all they needed to do. Amy does it all the time, when the writers decide to make her smart. I don’t like how utterly clueless everyone acts about Sheldon. He’s like literally autistic, full stop. It is obvious as day. It is so clear that things just have to be explained to him and have it be processed by him in a certain way. Of course he always loved his friends, though! That was so freak’in obvious, these guys are dopes to not see it! Sheldon’s love goes so deep.

Obviously, I am not excusing his selfishness or self-centeredness, which anyone can be these things no matter your cognitive ability, but that isn’t the problem for me about this show. It is the fact that everyone acts like Sheldon is the sole source of the problem, walking on eggshells around him, acting as if he is the vulnerable one everyone needs to protect, when they could have just treated him as an adult to begin with! It is the same mistake Mary Cooper made in raising Sheldon, wanting to protect him vs allowing him to discover the world and learn, like George often argued for (Dad Cooper was right, yo!). Yes, this boy is a sensitive, precious little baby cakes who is rather naive and gullible, but also - he’s a grown ass man. Just because his behaviors are primarily associated with children doesn’t make him an actual child. (At least Mary Cooper had that excuse, she was raising the little green bean!) He absolutely isn’t, though. And as the show proved, Sheldon CAN accept change, be humbled, and express love through physical and emotional means. Guess what guys, HE COULD HAVE DONE THAT THE WHOLE FREAK’IN TIME. No one had to slap him or yell at him or hurt him, they could have just TOLD HIM. You know, like rational adults? So who are the children in this situation, hmm?

Anyway, it is just something I am frustrated with about the whole show, especially since it effected him and Amy and how they communicated. The writing was rather frustrating in many ways. That is why I prefer Young Sheldon as a show and how they handle Sheldon’s character in it, which is with so much more nuance, depth, and maturity.

But again, this is a sitcom. So, whatta ya gonna do? It was an absolute delight, though, and I am going to HYPERFIXATE THE HELL out of Shamy!!

King and Queen of the Universe! Their brains are so much better than everyone’s!! 😍😍😍

[draquus]

Tears of the Kingdom spoilers ahead:

I am playing TotK for the second time now, and I'm sad because it's a somewhat disappointing experience. The first playthrough, I was really drawn in by the story, and the experience of exploring the depths.

Now, all the tension of the story is just completely gone, because it was all dependent on believing Zelda's sacrifice was a profoundly meaningful thing. But the way the story ends, it just...isn't. She gets to go back, doesn't even remember being a dragon at all. Link gets completely fixed up with no consequences.

I am not, and this is important, complaining about it having a happy ending. I think Link being able to save Zelda is a really important thing, and it wouldn't have been a game I could fully enjoy if he hadn't. I just wish it felt earned. I wish he had to sacrifice something (like, you know, his arm). I wish there had been some connection between him and Raru and Sonia to justify their being able to fix things at the end. Were their spirits trapped somehow, and his freeing them gave them the ability to actually help? (Yes, that is the plot of BotW, but at least it's a plot). I wish Zelda's sacrifice left some mark on her, whether physical or emotional. I wish we had a better sense of how long she was in the past. It kind of seems like it might have been a year or more, but it also feels like about a week. I spent my whole first playthrough motivated by the deep sadness and pity evoked every time i saw the Light Dragon in the sky, but now I just can't make myself care.

And like, I get it, some plots just don't have as much tension when you know how they end. But the whole game is kind of like that. I have no desire to re-explore the Depths, because now I know there's almost nothing there. Once you realize it's just an inverse map, with few points of interest and a lot of repetition, the motivation is just gone. The sky is even worse. I was getting sick of it even on the first playthrough. There are no biomes; there are repetitive enemies, repetitive puzzles, and no story. Part of what made BotW so enjoyable to play and replay was how every new place told you something about itself and its history. For example, the broken guardians were a constant reminder of Link's failure, but they weren't just there. You could see why some outposts had survived, an why others hadn't, just from the placement of the dead (and sometimes terrifyingly alive) guardians. You could see the tragedy of a failed last stand, or a forgotten victory against all odds, written in the world around you. I played BotW at least six times, and it only felt a little overly familiar when I had basically memorized everything. I can't fault TotK for not being that level of amazing (BotW is in a league of its own), but I feel like it doesn't even try.

Now, don't get me wrong. TotK is still a fun game. It's just all the things it does best (the weapons, the building, the different abilities), are not really the things I love about Zelda. I did enjoy the actual dungeons, but they were mostly too short and too similar to the divine beasts. Only two of them (wind and lightning) really had interesting story elements. The things I love about Zelda games are the stories, the puzzles, the atmosphere, and the characters. This game seemed like it had all those elements at the beginning, but none of them really came through in the end.

Also, there is nothing about Raru and Sonia's child. Like, it's fine that he/she is not a major player, but we need to know why. Is it because it's a baby? Who has this baby, and why do we never see Raru & Sonia (the Good Parents) actually taking care of their child? Is (as seems more likely) their child already mostly grown and maybe having adventures somewhere else? Then why is he/she not at all involved in the Imprisoning War? Like, again, I can think of several answers to these questions, but there needs to be at least a hint.

Anyway, I do want to reiterate that this is not a bad game. It's just a frustrating mix of fantastic pieces that don't quite come together.

[evevoli]

Hey Ev! Sorry to pester you again, but I came across your Hunter playlist on Spotify and it is very good!! I was wondering if you would be willing to kinda share yout thoughts on it, or like behind it? Why you chose the songs you chose for it and in that specific order and stuff, it'd be cool to hear! Also just,,, the three last verses of Dear Wormwood after Thanks To Them.... oh.... Oof, even... Anycase have a nice day! 🌻

oh boy howdy i have been waiting to hear these words all my life

i promise you are not pestering me at all bdjfjdjfks i am frothing at the MOUTH at the opportunity to talk about this damn thing lol. this stupid playlist is my magnum opus my baby i have spent like 2 hours meticulously organizing it yes im normal why do you ask

the hunter playlist in question for everyone else

the playlist's structure is generally meant to follow hunter's growth as a person, starting from pre-canon childhood to the present, and is at times loosely based on the five stages of grief. (this "grief" being the revelation that his entire life has been a lie.) to split it into sections, the first 20 songs are meant to catalogue hunter's experience being raised by belos and rise to the position of the golden guard. 21-27 is his gradually expanding worldview through hunting palismen to any sport in a storm, after he meets flapjack and the hexsquad and starts slowly questioning his beliefs. 28-42 is hollow mind and the direct fallout of that—with 33-45 centering around the "anger" stage of grief—and 43-48 is his feelings between labyrinth runners and king's tide. 49-58 is firmly in the "depression" stage, with everything after 59 being when he reaches acceptance and is able to truly start to recover.

putting this under a cut because i swear it is longer than the damn bible, but below you will find a more in-depth song-by-song breakdown. never underestimate the power of a very exhausted college student who drank too much soda's ability to think about one particular fictional character ig.

to start, i put dear wormwood at the very beginning to act as a sort of "prologue" to the playlist and set the stage for what's to come, and also because it is THE Hunter Song(tm) and i need to make sure everyone knows it. that song has had a flashing neon sign with hunter’s name on it in my brain since eclipse lake at least.

bumblebees are out, because it's so short and blatantly "oh this is hunter and belos", acts as a clear divider between dear wormwood and the rest of the playlist, with fish in a birdcage being the official "start" to the narrative. this song and helplessness blues after it then act to sort of sum up hunter's general feelings growing up isolated in the coven.

english house through you're a useless child (君はできない子) is actually from belos's perspective indoctrinating him, and then love me love me love me (愛して愛して愛して) onward is back to hunter. the next several songs detail hunter's experience as the golden guard. life itself is a recent addition mostly just there for vibes and because the first verse fits lol (thanks skit) and honey i'm home and saint bernard are the two obligatory Religious Trauma Bops i hope to make animatics for eventually. icarus (Bird Symbolism #1) through stonewall stone fence is meant to be from the perspective of an outsider looking in (aka the audience) and going "oh this kid is Not Well" it is Necessary. (silhouettes particularly fucks me up lol i need to make a dadrius playlist)

with that all being said there beneath is where his character arc in the show proper actually kicks in. it acts as a divider between the prior songs to say "oh he is Thinking about Things." [insert that shot of him looking out his window at the end of hunting palismen] the songs from notos don't really fit in chronologically—torches would actually fit better earlier, and the other two later—but they flowed better here lol. bad blood is mostly vibes i don't even remember why it's in there, something something it being about god creating man paralleling belos creating the grimwalkers, but i like it too much to take it off lmao. this section is basically all of hunter's beliefs slowly slowly starting to crack throughout his Field Trips With The Good Guys.

uso janai is where shit gets Real; this one is actually from luz's perspective after half-befriending hunter in hunting palismen and then wanting to get him away from belos after You Know. escapism is back to hunter—more questioning, and the line "i'd rather be free" calling back to his desire to choose his own future—before shit goes down.

pale white horse and where is your rider happen specifically during the confrontation with belos in hollow mind. the actual songs are about uhhh,, an abuse victim being approached by the personification of death itself (when the other three horsemen failed to rattle them) and being scared shitless before realizing death had been their abuser disguised the entire time which fits with. well the last 5 minutes of the episode.

the next songs until around whisper encompass the time between hollow mind and labyrinth runners where hunter is alone to process things. the extra oh hellos songs there are him thinking back on his life and all the harm he'd caused working under belos as everything is recontextualized. (plus passerine has that extra bird symbolism fuck yeah)

(if you think there's a lot of the oh hellos in this beast oh my god. i think i had to physically restrain myself from adding like 70% of their entire discography at first im pretty sure the entirety of dear wormwood was on there for a little bit. it's all hunter. i am deranged.)

from this point onward starting with james picard, the playlist structure really kicks into the 5 stages of grief high gear, with everything before pale white horse generally being denial and these next several songs shifting into anger. this section until time to move on is what i like to call hunter's Religious Trauma Breakdown Arc where he's just thinking things through and gradually becoming angrier and angrier at the universe as it all sets in no im not projecting

(also i should note that the order from here on is a little fucky and songs are mostly chosen by what flows best sound-wise; if we're going just by lyrics it'd be something like where is your rider > the garden > dear god > let it burn > dream with everything else tacked on afterward)

sweet sacrifice specifically gives me mad "angry at your shitty parent for years of Nonsense" vibes no im not projecting and obsolete is. bro come on just listen to the lyrics. "you bring me back to life so you can watch me die" it's out of my hands at this point bsjfkfkd

the Our Last Night Trifecta is meant to be hunter's thoughts upon realizing he's effectively out of the coven after labyrinth runners. sunrise would actually fit better lower in the playlist but i wanted to keep them together in order for the flow bshfksk. lie to me is the Oh He Has Friends To Help Him Through This song and more than this stands as hunter and the hexsquad both vowing to protect each other from belos,, ,, oh he has friends to help him through this,,,,,, arsonist's lullaby is there to sort of say "you're not outta the woods yet kiddo" but it's also mostly there because. philip notably has a fire motif going on with him and im a huge slut for symbolism X)

starting with bird song, we have officially entered Hunter's Depression Era after king's tide. bird song is mostly there because Oops! All Bird Symbolism. the moon will sing grabbed me by the throat with Sad Boy Vibes it's sort of there as a retrospective "wow that whole thing was fucked up" on hunter's part, and unraveling is literally only there because the first verse reminded me of darius but it's got that post-hollow mind "shit ive lost literally everything" feel going for it so in it goes. lyrically these both fit better during the initial anger pain spiral (around where the garden is) but again, flow.

(note that ive barely touched this section moving forward since thanks to them so the songs here are a lot more vague, predictive Being Sad And Healing type shit; i will probably do an overhaul after season 3 is over and his canon character arc is actually complete. i havent added anything with the events of thanks to them in mind because i don't want to disrupt the flow i have, however i am actually planning to add who am i by cami-cat eventually; it gives off MASSIVE post-hollow mind hunter and luz vibes)

welcome home, son gives off a very specific emotion i cannot describe you're just gonna have to trust me on why it's there but let the river in is peak "lmao fuck my dad" energy he needs this . uneven odds is more vibes (+ camila going is anyone gonna parent this and not waiting for a response) but you understand right. He Needs This.

lost in paradise sort of represents a low point during the timeskip in thanks to them; that lingering feeling of "everything is (comparatively) fine now so why can't i be happy and feel like i deserve to be" that will no doubt be haunting him for years. glow is straight-up about grief and i put it there initially looking at it from a "healing from non death-related trauma" angle but after uh. You Know. i am seeing it differently,,,, kokoronashi + can i believe you build off of the thing i said about lost in paradise with that "why can't i feel like i deserve to be happy" thing plus my favorite, "feeling inherently unlovable what do you even see in me."

eight through soap is him clawing out of that mindset and deciding maybe kindness and trust is Good, Actually (said through tears). love like you is love like you and wanderer's lullaby is Me Specifically reaching into the screen and giving him a hug /j (it's actually his like 5 parental figures telling him they love him <3 i have a lot of feelings about this song okay) the author once again plays off hunter's desire to choose his own future with him finally being allowed to do so, and ready now is exactly what it says on the tin. that he's going to be okay.

finally, FINALLY, thus always to tyrants finishes things off with a bookend to dear wormwood. this song ends the dear wormwood album with the victim staying firm in their decision to leave their abuser with a hope that they become a better person someday; hunter is now on the road to recovery away from belos, closing up his character arc while still leaving the path ahead relatively open-ended. (i chose make this one last since it feels less "final" than the prior two songs—signaling that his journey is far from over—and, y'know, bookending.)

this is quite possibly the longest post i have ever written but!! thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk about this abomination lol i worked. way too hard on it bhsgsdkh hope that answers your questions and lmk if you have any other thoughts!!! <3

[diminuel]

Hello!  For the fic question game: 1, 4 for To Walk With You Again, and 5 for For So Bare Is My Heart!

1. What fic of yours would you recommend to someone who had never read any of your work? (In other words, what do you think is the best introduction to your fics?)

That depends on whether I want to lean into the fact that my most used additional tags are apparently A/B/O, Mpreg and Fluff (see here), because then I would probably suggest Looking for: Alpha to Match Swimsuit.

If I want to lean into the angst a bit more, I would recommend Half a Heart to Keep which features two of my favourite things: dangerous arranged marriages and an (over)abundance of traveling through unfamiliar landscape.

And for a totally "normal" fic (because I also greatly enjoy writing things that pick up on canon elements) I'd recommend Huntercorp’s Rehabilitation Clinic for the Supernaturally Afflicted since that introduces readers to a) my odd sense of humor and b) my enjoyment of playing with canon elements :D

And I suppose giving three answers was cheating. If anyone has read my work and has a different entry fic, let me know ;D

4. What detail in To Walk With You Again are you really proud of?

I think I like the atmosphere the most, especially when they are kids. While I initially thought that it wasn't going to work, choosing to tell the majority of the story from the POV of a child gradually growing and then contrasting it with what the world looks like when they’re grown up was interesting. Cas and Dean aren't able to understand a lot of the politics and machinations going on all around them but are deeply impacted by them anyway. From a "hihihi angst" kind of perspective, I enjoyed the narrative noose gradually closing around Cas' neck while he is catching on to what is happening and the danger he is in. And even though Dean and Cas try to save the day, they are still just teens and ultimately have to fail. I think I enjoyed that. (And of course I enjoyed the description of places, the looming presence of Carver's End especially :D)

(I am less proud of how I had to rush the middle part and the very end. I simply ran out of time since this story was on a DCBB deadline. I have started writing the part though so it will be added eventually!)

5. What do you wish someone would ask you about For So Bare Is My Heart? Answer it now!

There is no question in particular, but the thing I would like to talk about the most is the editing history. There are a couple of fics that have inspired readers to send me comments about how horrible the main character is and how the other character should never forgive them.This is one of them.

The thing is, as a fell creature from the angsty abysses who doesn't reflect too much on how horrible a situation in a fic would be if it happened in real life, I liked to go very dark. The fics in my previous fandom had a tendency towards horror and tragic endings and while I've aged out of the tragic endings, I have not gotten rid of my penchant for tragic beginnings.

The harder the start, the more rewarding the journey, the harder won and more satisfying the end, yes? (At least that would be the idea, but I'm not particularly good at writing endings. Yet.)

So, the fic started out very dark - a cruel king Dean with no regard for angels as they stood by and watched as Dean lost people. Which, of course, is no good reason to wage war and take one of them as a prisoner and then get upset once his trophy isn't appreciative.

Anyway, the darkest parts stayed in the draft and I rewrote them. And then, following beta and reader reactions I continued to edit. To make Dean less cruel, to make Cas less passive. And every round of editing tries to give Dean's wrath and cruelty depth or at least soften it down, as well as giving Cas a bit more spite, a bit more power, evening them out.

(Side note, maybe I wouldn’t need to do this. I don't have to write wholesome characters, they can be flawed beyond redemption and the narrative might even reward them for it anyway ;3 But I think it suits the story I want to tell better to work on it.)

In any case, this is the fic I keep editing every time I'm reading it until I get to that point where I'm satisfied. I don't think I've fiddled with any fic that much after it was published.

Wow, that was long! Thanks for your questions! My ego definitely likes talking about my own writing X'D

(Ask game)

[malevolentmoonlight]

Judaism has always called to me, since I was a child (brought up by two openminded, disillusioned-with-the-Church former Catholics-turned-quiet-agnostics). I’ve been thinking about converting, for almost as long. I hear a pealing song, blowing within my soul, that always was and is still calling me Home.

But truthfully, 2 years ago when I started studying in earnest, quite early on I grew discouraged - Jewish heritage isn’t in my family or my DNA (that I know of) and I kept seeing numerous toxic & highly misinformed conversations obsessing about DNA, genetics, etc. Even though I knew logically those comments were misguided, outright wrong, and harmful, it still got to me (not having community at the time certainly didn’t help). I couldn’t shake this deep-seated insecurity that crept up and wrapped around me. I felt stuck in a (mostly) self-made hole of What if I'll really never be enough? What if I never count?

Insecurity broke my heart. I lost the path and it took almost 2 whole years to find it again.

2 years ago, I hadn't yet fully grasped the true depth, history, and complex nuances of Jewish conversion, culture, ethnicity...that the makeup of someone's DNA is not even remotely the whole tapestry. Following the intensive conversion journey (with thousands of years' of history behind it), following the rituals, committing to studying, living joyously Jewishly, rising from the water of the mikveh as full member of the tribe…That complex, multi-threaded, vibrant, challenging journey will affirm that I am Jewish, through and through, & that my soul has been here with you since the beginning.

When I returned to pursuing conversion with renewed vigor and indestructible determination this year, a family member earnestly asked “Why now..?” The rest of the question was obvious, as was the unspoken concern…With everything that’s happened since 2 years ago and all that’s happening now…With the world getting scarier and scarier for Jewish people everywhere…Why now?

If not now, when…?

In this time of indescribable grief, pain, uncertainty for the Jewish community...converting is not just 'somethin' I wanna do'. It isn’t just a choice. It’s a need. It’s what I have to do, a duty, to live and breathe and be my fullest soulful self. It feels urgent, more now than ever before. There is nothing else to choose! The world needs all the love it can get. This family needs it.

Gratitude doesn't describe how it feels to return to this journey. Bear in mind, the past 2 years weren't wasted. I moved states, found a new home with the love of my life, started slowly recovering from ferocious past traumas, got a new job, & found a new kind of security that I'd never had in my life before.

The world has grown more fragile, true. And I’ve grown more sensitive, sure, but more resilient, too.

The Me I was 2 years ago wasn’t as ready as the Me I am right now.

(My husband is also seriously considering joining me on the journey because he has Jewish heritage and sees how transformative this has been for me. And that might not have happened 2 years ago! Can't hold back tears at the idea that we will one day have a Jewish home together.)

To anyone else who may be experiencing that insidious insecurity that I felt 2 years ago…Hold on to yourselves, to the light within you, and to the path that deepens that glow. Maybe the time is now, maybe you need a little more time yet…I see you and I’m sending you love because you are enough. You will find your way Home, I know it.

[tartrazeen]

Sometimes it's fun being utterly shameless, and today it's gonna be about Rohan being autistic.

YUP, I've gone that far with my endless pondering. Normally I never get into "X Character is autistic-coded" ideas, mostly because I don't know enough about autism to try to do it (unlike ADHD, where I can be like "Yes, Angus, we get it"). But as I'm learning more, I'm starting to see parallels and little signs that have me thinking it explains a lot about the guy.

... But again, I'm not autistic and I'm still learning about autism, so I'm gonna pop all of this under a readmore in case I'm totally wrong. 😅 I'm not doing a "Here are his symptoms" breakdown. I'm going more like, "Here are the vibes the show gives off."

Tbh, I don't even know if he counts as autistic-coded in the first place. This might be a full-on, completely-out-of-thin-air headcanon. But I like it because it's slapped on new depth to who he is as a character, and - well... why not have the Legendary Warrior Draganta be autistic? 🤗 This show's so old, it should be in the damn public domain. I'm gonna do what I want with it.

I just wanna make sure I'm not perpetuating any stereotypes 😅 I don't think I am! But I'm always nervously cautious.

How he was with other kids:

Really, it's been him and Angus this whole time. What I always found weird is why Cathbad thought Angus was such a bad influence, when he's been relentlessly loyal to Rohan at every single moment. But now I'm looking at it more from Cathbad's POV:

You're a druid who stumbles upon a bunch of kids happily throwing rocks at another kid - paying to do it, even. Your first thought isn't, "How nice to see them all playing." It's, "Why the hell are they bullying this child?"

Then you ask this child being bullied why it's happening, and the child seems to have been convinced this is 'warrior training'. He actually thinks it's a good thing - for kids to be paying to throw rocks at him.

Then you find out the one who put this altogether, who was selling the rocks to be thrown, has convinced this bullied kid that they're best friends.

And then when you take this bullied kid in (blah blah destiny), this 'BEST FRIEND' keeps conning his way into the castle to play with powders, purely taking advantage of this friendship.

And then this bullied child gets his own hut and this "friend" gets to move in for free?! When he's not literally in-between trips to prison?!

So Angus is - by all intents and purposes from Cathbad's perspective - King of Village Bullies, exploiting Rohan's kindness, a born thief and liar, and always just a moment away revealing that he's never cared about Rohan at all and it was a scam from the beginning.

... And then you learn that Rohan ohhhhhh is the kid who thinks being a warrior absolutely rules, and delightedly wanted rocks thrown at him (because he NEEDS to TRAIN, you see). Angus probably got tired of throwing all these rocks all the time himself (understandable - Rohan is constantly training in this show; he literally only has three hobbies: training, caring for his sword, and that one time he played a flute), so would've very lovingly decided to help his friend keep having fun by shipping the work out to the other kids instead - and getting paid for it. It's such a bestie thing to do.

What sucks is that the other kids were that happy to pay for rocks. Cathbad only asks Rohan about his parents, not about his other friends, because at a glance, Rohan doesn't have any. And that doesn't change in the show, especially when you compare him to Angus, so it's like... yeah, kids are cruel, but it seems like there was an implied level of, "Haha, hell yeah, let's throw rocks at the weird kid who never shuts tf up about being a warrior someday." Because Angus had to pull the interest from somewhere, right? Gathering all the rocks to throw at Rohan is a decent deal, but they weren't throwing them at everything that moved, and obviously Cathbad thought it was a mean thing that was happening.

So that's me being like, "... You're bullying the kid who literally always walks around with a sword? And who's willing to use that sword against castle guards? And who's actually so nice and sweet to everyone? ... Wow. I guess he was the 'weird kid'. :("

Which makes the friendship he has with Angus even sweeter, personally, because it's everyone deciding Rohan's the Throw-Rocks-At-Me-I'm-A-'Warrior', and Angus being like, ":) You're funny. Maybe you're weird, but I like that weird. *adopts you*"

It's not Angus taking pity on 'poor liitle Rohan'. It's Angus and Rohan having a blast together because of who they are and what Rohan's like.

And it does also explain how Rohan gets talked into Angus' bad ideas: "Rohan, why aren't you playing with these magic powders? 🙄 I guess you didn't notice again. Come on, let's get you started with causing shenanigans. You'd be lost without me."

And it also explains how Angus gets talked Rohan's bad ideas: "🤔 I'm gonna go pet that dragon. Angus, you can say it's a bad idea, but I would've had rocks thrown at me for free, so we're on separate pages of the Good Idea book. Are you coming or not? That wasn't actually a question, you're my best friend, you have no choice, I want you there uwu 💖" (Angus: "🤔 I am his best friend, he's got me there.")

How he is as an apprentice:

Cannot do magic. Has not made a single powder work, and the only magic he's done involved reading an incantation to release Tyrune.

He only apprentices by doing chores and swinging a sword around (HOLD UP - "Rohan, you shouldn't let kids bully you by letting them pelt you with rocks. Oh, you enjoy that?! Okay cool I'm gonna keep summoning skeletons, you go fight them so I can test them out :)").

But mostly, Cathbad has never said Rohan was a good apprentice. As they're doing inventory of Cathbad's supplies. Not magic, just basic sorting and arranging.

Rohan clearly has a regimented training routine. He's up earlier than every other Mystic Knight. He's consumed by the quest to find Draganta and tame Pyre, and throws everything he has at it, driving the others along. He's perfectly capable of taking care of his equipment - enthusiastic about it, even - and executing battle formations. But Angus straight-up says the hut's a pig sty, and Rohan takes a weirdly long time finding different ingredients in Cathbad's chambers that should have dedicated spots if they're doing inventories.

So the guy has a system, but it's his own system, and he doesn't really keep it up if he's not actively interested in it, even though it's literally his job to keep Cathbad's stuff organized.

Cathbad calling out the whole, "There's a reason I've never said you were a good apprentice" thing is like a teacher going, "You could apply yourself, you know, but I suppose I'll take what I can get." And Rohan being like, "🐶💖 No, you've never called me a good apprentice before. Are you gonna?" That means Rohan doesn't see anything wrong with what's going on, which really builds on that "I'll take what I can get" vibe.

That, to me, is like Cathbad thinking he's taking in a child, that Rohan was put into cruel circumstances by the other kids, and expecting to now give Rohan a 'normal' life of quiet chores and routines, only to learn that Rohan will do chores independently BUT only if it's connected to his special interest, and that Rohan happily put himself in those cruel circumstances and will gleefully commit himself to that again once the right idea gets put in his head, and that Rohan is not a 'normal' child looking for a 'normal' life. He's not sitting around waiting for his destiny to find him; he wants to be a warrior, so he's training for it right damn now. It's like a teacher realizing their student has a 'different way of learning,' and it's their first time dealing with that, so they're doing their best to adapt their 'normal' strategies to this 'unique' student as they can.

How he is with other people:

Super polite. Head down, especially in the first episode when he's speaking to the royals, until he gets whipped up into a frenzy and then he's full-steam-ahead and unstoppable. He goes back to being quiet like that whenever he's the least bit uncomfortable, so that's his happy place.

Follows formalities. He's the one bowing formally to the royals all the time. It might be hard seeing that unusual, almost like it should say something about Angus being the one who only ever does it half-heartedly, but Angus is the odd one out in the court. The others are all either royals themselves or grew up in the castle; Angus is from the village, so he's our glimpse into what villagers are like with that stuff - especially once they get comfortable and have to be like, "Oh, we're still bowing? Fine. 🙄"

Rohan's always extending a helping hand to Deirdre in the first part of the show, before he knows - or settled into knowing - he's Draganta. Part of that's 'cause he's got a crush on her, sure. But the other part comes off like 'That's just what you do with a princess' when Angus only offers it jokingly and Ivar (very formal) offers it sincerely. Rohan's more along Ivar's side of the scale, but he's supposed to be a druid's apprentice (i.e. not seen nor heard), so there's not really a reason for him to know to be so strict with it unless he's defaulting to the 'rules' of that particular dynamic.

It's a conscious decision to be polite, I'm sure, but it's that he's constantly making that decision - 'cause he's overly clumsy or overly unaffected or overly 'Mind Your Tongue' ranty otherwise, all of which get him into trouble with anyone who isn't Angus. Masking, basically, by sticking very closely to those rules.

But he's also enforcing those rules. Someone's disrespectful? He's intervening and correcting them. Angus most often just through sheer proximity, but anyone who's rude to someone you're not supposed to ("allowed to be") rude to, he's making sure the proper action is followed. The North Men are rude to Garrett? Garrett gets to 1v1 them. The disguised Temrans are rude to Deirdre? He's yelling at them. Lugad challenges him to a duel? It's his duel, so he gets to decide. Deirdre signs him up for a duel? "WTF DEIRDRE, BUT I GUESS I CAN'T REFUSE." Very 1 + 1 = 2 in all his interactions.

That makes the parts where he isn't sure what to do really stand out to me. :) Soft Voice Polite Rohan is adorable 💖

It also makes Angus' constant intervention on Rohan's temper stand out, too. Supposedly, Angus is the hot-headed one - but Rohan is the one who'll full-on yell at the king if he thinks the king is wrong, 'cause so much for masking when the pressure's that high. 😭 We know Angus is the one who stomps off when he's pissed at people, but Rohan is the one who disappears for days because he can't handle losing to Lugad or learning Maeve is his mother. They're emotional moments for anyone, but especially for someone who's been so fixated on a) his destiny as a warrior, and b) who his family.

And Angus makes excuses for him for that! In a nice way. "He just needs some time, give him a chance, Rohan's fine, he just gets like this occasionally." That and the constant "Calm down, Rohan" and speedrun to avoid conflict puts on this air of, "Oh, Angus might be hot-headed, but Rohan melts down into an outright rage if he gets too overwhelmed, thank goodness we have Angus here to help the guy out." (haha omg meltdown = fire lmao)

And - like... 👀

Compare Rohan to Lugad in that way - the 'monster', according to Rohan himself. Lugad's a half-demon, and Maeve doesn't care for anything that isn't helping her take the throne, so Rohan seems like a 'failed first effort' at being a child that's 'different' but not in a 'useful' way. And we don't know which half is the demon half of Lugad; maybe it's Maeve herself! Who knows? And does THAT woman have rages and special interests or what 👀💖 This is runs in the family, is what I'm saying.

[princeofgod-2021]

LIGHT OF LIFE 339

John 1:4

TOO LATE 2 – FOR WHOEVER 1

Eze 14:19-20 “Or SUPPOSE I WERE TO SEND A PLAGUE INTO THAT LAND, AND POUR OUT MY RAGE ON IT WITH BLOODSHED, killing both people and animals. EVEN IF NOAH, DANIEL, AND JOB WERE IN IT, AS SURELY AS I LIVE, DECLARES THE SOVEREIGN LORD, THEY COULD NOT SAVE THEIR OWN SON OR DAUGHTER; THEY WOULD SAVE ONLY THEIR OWN LIVES BY THEIR RIGHTEOUSNESS. NET

It is possible that because you have had some very special treatment from God, you begin to assume that you are more highly favoured than others, and could enjoy “timeless immunity”.

Dearly beloved, it can be too late for anybody, no matter the depth of relationship you’ve had with God.

Act 10:34

Could any man be closer to God than Moses, whom nobody dares touch or tongue-lash?

Num 12:7-8

We’ve said most of these before, but now listen: Do you know that the closer you are to God, the more He expects you to know His mind and what He demands from you.

1Co 2:16 As the scripture says, "WHO KNOWS THE MIND OF THE LORD? Who is able to give him advice?" WE, HOWEVER, HAVE THE MIND OF CHRIST. GNB

A question 1st came: who knows God’s mind?

Then an indirect answer: We do!

His [close] Children know His mind. It means that we are connected and in steady communication with Him.

Again, this was why God wasn’t expecting Moses’ question as to how God was going to feed Israel.

Num 11:21,23

People like Elisha knew easily what God had capacity to do, in the most impossible situations.

2Ki 3:16-18

God loves it if we know Him that much.

This is where I am really going however: we get to certain levels where God even expects us to become fully aware of all actions and consequences, such that the higher you go in Christ, the lesser you get warnings or rebukes for offenses and wrongs.

Exo 32:19

God never [ever] directly mentioned to Moses that He hated seeing him destroy the Stone tablets that He had spent 40 days to make; God simply told him to go and carve another one by himself.

Exo 34:1

If God [quietly] said something like “…the 1st tablets you broke…”, a wise child knows that He was saying: “you broke it of your own volition and I wasn’t happy about that action”.

Don’t you think so?

This was the 1st “acting out” of the anger of Moses, but he had no direct warning. You know why?

Because as we grow in Christ, God expects us to acknowledge and master the conscience in us.

Rom 2:14-15

Now, if that can be written about pagans, how much more would God expect you and I to be composed with our hearts and lives?

Many of us are over 20 yrs in service but still behave funny.

Well, Moses went further to commit blunders with his statements and he got the “axe”.

Num 20:10-12

He struck the rock twice, instead of commanding it, but it was mainly because his anger and frustration with the people distracted him.

Now, he had no 2nd chance, even by plea bargain.

Deu 3:25-26

May our deeds never lead us to the point where the door of Mercy closes on us, in Jesus name.

Join us on Friday for more of this insightful subtopic.

Keep Shinning!

Brother Prince

Wednesday, April 12, 2023

08055125517; 08023904307

[readatrix]

*****(5 out of 5 stars.)

I purchased A Socialite's Guide to Murder through Aardvark, a book of the month style service, and had an absolute blast! Evelyn is the daughter of a hotel owner, and the story takes place in the late 50s. She is spoiled and pampered, and carries her little dog (Presley) everywhere. She could be mistaken for a "Dumb Blonde," and in some ways she's naive, but she has hidden depth. She gives me a very Elle Woods/Paris Hilton/Marilyn Monroe vibe -- intelligent, but knows how to play dumb. Easily underestimated, but you really shouldn't. She explicitly emulates Monroe's style in the beginning. A nice, somewhat subtle, thing is when someone says she has no personality other than emulating Marilyn Monroe, and a few scenes later she changes her lipstick color and eventually considers becoming brunette. I think she's finding herself. She wonders how being called Miss Marple could be an insult. As a child, she found her mother's body -- and I bet that'll be explored -- and it left her with anxiety, agoraphobia, and PTSD, which her therapist calls shell shock as a reflection of the time period. She rarely leaves the hotel, and part of her growth is her tentative efforts to go places. I laughed A LOT and loved her love for her dog. I kissed Presley's wet nose. "Do you want to find the real thief, sweet boy? Come on, let's get you in Mommy's bag." "No. No." Mac was on his feet after a few more stretches. "We can't bring the dog." "And why not?" I already had Presley's purse open on the counter, his little tail wagging at the sight of it. "He's a helper!" "A helper?"Mac wiped his face with the palm on his hand, his stubble whispering at the connection. "Evelyn, we're going to break into a crime scene. You can't bring a dog into a crime scene." "I can." I put Presley in his bag, slid it onto my shoulder. "I am. Look, I can even put flashlights in there with him! He'll keep them safe." Mac opened his mouth, closed it again. "Safe from what? Evelyn, what if he barks? Or pees in the middle of the crime scene?" I gasped. "Presley would never. He's a good boy, Mac." Spoiler alert, they take Presley. Also: She has an exchange with a lift operator where she proclaims Presley her favorite. The lift operator seeks clarification, and asks if she means favorite dog. No, her favorite of anything in the whole world. Her love interest, an employee of the hotel with a somewhat shady past, good-naturedly aides and abets her investigations. He can pick locks. She also has a Hollywood star she pretends to date in order to help quell rumors around a confirmed bachelor. I won't go too much into the mystery beyond saying it worked well for me, and there were a lot of suspects. I did pick out the murderer, and I don't actively try to do that, preferring to let the story go where it will. I guess I'm saying it might be easy, but I've also been watching a lot of Columbo. LOL! Anyhow, it's 5 stars for me because I simply had a good time, and want to spend more time in this world. I appreciate that a mystery with a sleuth who owns a pet, and the pet has more than a cameo with a spot on the cover. More dog. Always more dog.

[35thstreet]

Losing a friend

I'm missing Steve.

He passed away yesterday or over the weekend; I'm not sure which, but I learned only yesterday morning when I landed in LA. I'm struck by two things, amid the painfully familiar sadness of death's windy quick approach, and passing by.

Firstly I'm struck, possibly selfishly at first glance, about myself, immediately followed by Steve. I should have done more for him. Yes, as colleagues, we surely labored together, but we also thought together. A kind soul indeed, seeing past the fog, understanding through the noise - he was bright in all the ways that show the real Steve as a man of depth and not checks. I should have spoken with him, frankly but out of earnest brotherly love, about what Jesus means for our lives. How all the good deeds, compassion, and outpouring can't add up to make us 'enough' to join God's family in Heaven after death. No number of balanced beads or crystals, paired in any jewelry combination, can protect us from death or redeem us from its gusty fall.

Only through the power of God becoming a man, dying a death of sacrifice, and then overcoming death by rejoining the land of the living can death be beaten. No man can overcome death; indeed, death is permanent; it's a separation at its core. Death is a disconnection between breath and dust - though the soul continues to live. Death separates man from the breath of life, which is a gift from God.

I had never talked like this with him. Oh, how we could have talked! Over a whiskey, over a cigar, over sushi (or whatever keto-friendly dish he was poured into at the time). I did not, though. Only fleeting mentions of Jesus, what I believed, that Jesus is important to me. Never did I ask, never enough care to ask my friend if he would join me in worshiping by connecting with Jesus. The Jesus who overcame death so that in eternity we can join him in Heaven, in the new earth after Jesus remakes it. I may never see Steve again, not because I gave him a choice and he denied it, but because I never gave him a chance to choose.

Maybe others did, perhaps he did, maybe he did not. I'll know one day, and I dread the moment when I don't see him again. I hope somebody else took the time to talk about what I didn't.

Secondly, I'm driven to speak frankly and purposefully with my family and friends (mostly the latter in my case). Let it be known, we will have these conversations. Uncomfortable, clumsy, incomplete, and full of questions. All of the above. Yes. The core of the subject, though, I am fully committed to. Jesus is my God - because of him, I am saved. I am called to him and away from that which opposes him; with enthusiasm, I pursue not in part but in whole.

At this new prompting, I follow Jesus, sharing his message that I am saved not by my deeds but by His. A price that will require my life at some point, though not at the first step. Consider a child learning to walk. It's not that they immediately discard their crawling, but gradually as they find a sure footing begin to stand more often and stumble less. We never consider ourselves crawlers just because we clumsily miss a step or tip a toe on the coffee table and crawl around for a moment of agony.

Following Jesus is a walk, even a stumble, but once we start with Him, we get stronger and walk more than we fall. Time changes our pace.

What really matters at the end of all of this? A last breath and death leave a gap behind.

If our lives are water, for example, collectively a pond of life, then Steve's was scooped and removed abruptly. Though not a scoop out of the water that is quickly filled in and replaced. Instead, we see the void where he was and feel the pressure coming from his absence from all sides. All things at once rush in to try and bring back what was taken. While one day, the water's surface will again return to a peaceful pool, that which was removed isn't going to be added back here while we're on earth. That's not a thing to see for our time here.

We will miss Steve. Heartily we will remember and celebrate the time we did have with him. He has taken with him his scoop of water, though. As a blessing, he has left a gap, maybe a splash. Is it an impression on us?

Never again will we be the same, but let us not waste this moment. 

Remembering who Steve was and how he saw us let us be changed into a new future version of ourselves. Brought to a shaky knee (when appropriate), then onto wobbly feet, to walk again in newness and life. Putting away the former of regret, refreshed by the splashing clap of the disturbed waters, facing the sun, know that today is now and new from yesterday.

I grieve the loss in quiet stillness, determined that today will not be yesterday, and I will finish today a different man. One day standing firm on my feet, I will walk with my friends, family, and with Jesus while I have the chance here in life. Hoping that one day in Heaven, far into the future, when my life is over, we also will be together, walking, talking, and thinking together again.

[paperceilings-blog]

Thoughts on losing a friend.

I'm missing Steve.

He passed away yesterday or over the weekend; I'm not sure which, but I learned only yesterday morning when I landed in LA. I'm struck by two things, amid the painfully familiar sadness of death's windy quick approach, and passing by.

Firstly I'm struck, possibly selfishly at first glance, about myself, immediately followed by Steve. I should have done more for him. Yes, as colleagues, we surely labored together, but we also thought together. A kind soul indeed, seeing past the fog, understanding through the noise - he was bright in all the ways that show the real Steve as a man of depth and not checks. I should have spoken with him, frankly but out of earnest brotherly love, about what Jesus means for our lives. How all the good deeds, compassion, and outpouring can't add up to make us 'enough' to join God's family in Heaven after death. No number of balanced beads or crystals, paired in any jewelry combination, can protect us from death or redeem us from its gusty fall.

Only through the power of God becoming a man, dying a death of sacrifice, and then overcoming death by rejoining the land of the living can death be beaten. No man can overcome death; indeed, death is permanent; it's a separation at its core. Death is a disconnection between breath and dust - though the soul continues to live. Death separates man from the breath of life, which is a gift from God.

I had never talked like this with him. Oh, how we could have talked! Over a whiskey, over a cigar, over sushi (or whatever keto-friendly dish he was poured into at the time). I did not, though. Only fleeting mentions of Jesus, what I believed, that Jesus is important to me. Never did I ask, never enough care to ask my friend if he would join me in worshiping by connecting with Jesus. The Jesus who overcame death so that in eternity we can join him in Heaven, in the new earth after Jesus remakes it. I may never see Steve again, not because I gave him a choice and he denied it, but because I never gave him a chance to choose.

Maybe others did, perhaps he did, maybe he did not. I'll know one day, and I dread the moment when I don't see him again. I hope somebody else took the time to talk about what I didn't.

Secondly, I'm driven to speak frankly and purposefully with my family and friends (mostly the latter in my case). Let it be known, we will have these conversations. Uncomfortable, clumsy, incomplete, and full of questions. All of the above. Yes. The core of the subject, though, I am fully committed to. Jesus is my God - because of him, I am saved. I am called to him and away from that which opposes him; with enthusiasm, I pursue not in part but in whole.

At this new prompting, I follow Jesus, sharing his message that I am saved not by my deeds but by His. A price that will require my life at some point, though not at the first step. Consider a child learning to walk. It's not that they immediately discard their crawling, but gradually as they find a sure footing begin to stand more often and stumble less. We never consider ourselves crawlers just because we clumsily miss a step or tip a toe on the coffee table and crawl around for a moment of agony.

Following Jesus is a walk, even a stumble, but once we start with Him, we get stronger and walk more than we fall. Time changes our pace.

What really matters at the end of all of this? A last breath and death leave a gap behind.

If our lives are water, for example, collectively a pond of life, then Steve's was scooped and removed abruptly. Though not a scoop out of the water that is quickly filled in and replaced. Instead, we see the void where he was and feel the pressure coming from his absence from all sides. All things at once rush in to try and bring back what was taken. While one day, the water's surface will again return to a peaceful pool, that which was removed isn't going to be added back here while we're on earth. That's not a thing to see for our time here.

We will miss Steve. Heartily we will remember and celebrate the time we did have with him. He has taken with him his scoop of water, though. As a blessing, he has left a gap, maybe a splash. Is it an impression on us?

Never again will we be the same, but let us not waste this moment. Remembering who Steve was and how he saw us let us be changed into a new future version of ourselves. Brought to a shaky knee (when appropriate), then onto wobbly feet, to walk again in newness and life. Putting away the former of regret, refreshed by the splashing clap of the disturbed waters, facing the sun, know that today is now and new from yesterday.

I grieve the loss in quiet stillness, determined that today will not be yesterday, and I will finish today a different man. One day standing firm on my feet, I will walk with my friends, family, and with Jesus while I have the chance here in life. Hoping that one day in Heaven, far into the future, when my life is over, we also will be together, walking, talking, and thinking together again.

[monoxidecahedron]

okay i was going to put this in the tags of the prev post but it's too long and completely off topic so. i have so many Thoughts capital-T about internet subculture and language especially. how did words evolve? i know we can trace them to their roots, but how did they start there and how did we end up here? how was language created and how was it formed and shaped and how will it continue to change, fluid and growing? how are new words introduced and how do they come to be universally accepted? more specifically, how did internet language evolve from plain english into the casual-ized dialect it is now? how is it different from site to site?

i'm no expert on this, obviously; everything i know about all this is from one wikipedia article i haven't finished reading. but i do feel like the english used on this site is a dialect? the way people "talk" on the internet in general is pretty different from the way i write my stories, or the way i talk. since no one really speaks here, the language is really written-based instead of orally-based. there's no accent, and we can do wonky shit with letters (eg keysmash, though i'd argue that i do a pretty authentic audible keysmash sometimes) without the limits of human sounds. also (and again i'm not an expert i'm not even sure if language evolves) humans and most life in general evolved with one purpose in mind, right? survival. language evolved in order to communicate and express, and changes to suit the times and the environment to fulfill that prime directive. the internet's prime directive, so to speak, is not to survive or to communicate as clearly as possible (unfortunately): it's to be funny. humour gets clout first and foremost on social media. sorry, i should have been more precise: we're talking about social media. not the way online news articles will pepper in a little "isn't that funny! ha!" or a little sort of fake-cheer the way one would talk irl. we're talking about capitalizing words for the Emphasis, periods in the middle of a sentence, no periods at all, fuck proper capitalization, [GUNSHOTS] and [REDACTED] (although those might be specific to tumblr, which is a whole other thing) and "mutuals" and all the terms for things in-site that, again, evolved because that's the environment we are in and that's something we need to communicate. how did "mutuals" become the agreed-upon term for someone you follow who follows you? how did "so true bestie" become a Thing? again with the questions. i have so many thoughts and so many questions (notice no capitalization of the t; this time i'm not referring to Thoughts, i'm referring to thoughts, and what was that quote about untranslateable words or concepts?) and yes i do think i could write a thesis on this. i'm well aware that tumbeler dot com is the wrong place to ask these sorts of questions because reading comprehension here is negative fifteen but i did want to get this out because it's just such an interesting concept to me you know?