#i never really began posting to get people to see my art and stuff. it was just a personal archive that occasionally got people to see what

[fluffyhellspawn]

hi!!! sorry to be like the hundredth person complimenting your art LMAO but like seriously.... i don't know how you do it /pos

like. your pieces look so nice and colouful and finished with no mistakes as far as I can tell and you're posting these everyday? sometimes multiple times a day???

im actually in awe you are so talented!!! :3

you have absolutely no idea how much it makes my day seeing people interact w my account <333 TAHNK YOUUU :)))))!!!!!!!! Ive had so many inbox notifs where its just people being nice and im so happy people like what i draw ahhhhhh

I sound like a broken record LMAOO but i srsly dunno what to say 😭😭 its so overwhelming (/pos!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

My answer to posting multiple things a day is LITERALLY just because i love drawing and once i get an idea for something i gotta do it as soon as possible, usually it ends up with me either putting things on my Q or..................double posting.............. (i spam my friends timelines so much i am SO sorry in advance EWUUSDHUAS. u know who u are u told me in class ab it...)

AHHH sorry for the long text vomit i love rambling.....

AGAIN thank youso much dude it means the WORLD!!!!!

[partyfailure]

I don’t!!! Have polished digital art IM SORRY PLEASE take these doodles. Some Mikes in between eras, toy animatronics and Scrapbabies with bill&ford from the wild… and then Cassidy! As if she were to scare you!

The Mike era goes like this: fnaf4 - fnaf2 (Fritz Smith) - fnaf1 (Mike Schmidt) - fnafSL (‘Eggs Benedict’) and then ffps with him and Helpy being happy and cute. He is 13 by the time of bo83 and about 20 in 1989-90, the date the fnaf1 takes place (see this video for context!). Then there’s SL, which I put in the late 90s-early 2000s. Mike does very great during that time lol (he is getting scooped tomorrow) ((also also, Mike on SL’s pose is very very inspired by one of the drawings of leeseechkeens human bill au! But my rendition of it looks a bit wobbly lol)

Now an ~update~ for my creative process on the AU hehehe!

Okay so, thinking about my AU somehow is much more difficult than thinking about a normal fnaf timeline. AND DECIDING how I want to tell is even worse. But! I’ve had some more interesting ideas that could be a perfect plot twist by the Security Breach era that literally left me awake at night LOL but I roughly made my timeline of events - I need now to fill in plotholes (which are many) and decide which method of storytelling will be the best.

I’ll be reading some of my favorite fics to have a sort of blueprint on how I should structure my stuff. It’s not ideal but I have NEVER been so insistent in developing something more and wanted people to enjoy it. I tried to write MA before this reboot/the addition of SB and it was messy like, unnecessary lengthy chapters with information that wouldn’t add anything in the story. Plus, I wrote 3 chapters that are okay-ish to me, but the fourth while yes cool, had no reason to exist. Brah I didn’t delete it all together because it was SIXTY PAGES WORTHY OF GOOGLE DOCS, but again, no interesting stuff. The pacing was sooo bad and I began re-reading and wanted to shut down my computer a lot of times.

After creating this tumblr and sharing my concepts, the ideas for MA began flowing so well. I’m not going to say the major idea that made me stay awake but I will say!!! Cassidy will no longer be an ally for Michael’s investigations - at least, not for so long as Charlie, who’ll stay with Mike all the time. I think I can say that one without spoiling so much 👀 but everything will come all together, hopefully. Imagine if hypothetically after it’s done, I could begin a series of oneshots and mini-stories that talk about things that could happen post canon or pre-canon?? And maybe in the future expand my list of fandoms that would be peak. I even though about a (funny) ao3 username IWBEHWEB IDK I LOVE FANFICTION

Anyway, these are the rants for today. I don’t know if you guys saw but that poll I made - Organize my au and make the human designs had the same amount of votes, so I’ll be doing the two things. I really really want to draw the Afton family completely…

Anyways, I’ll bring afton and Emily designs maybe later :) byeee for now!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for making a YouTuber feel uncomfortable? 

Here me out please, before you all make assumptions. 

A couple months ago, I(19F) began following a YouTuber that I quickly began to love. I won’t be saying the YouTuber’s name for the sake of protecting their privacy, obviously. I started to watch their videos(which were mainly about a story that she came up with, featuring her ocs) and enjoyed them all, enjoyed the ocs, too. This YouTuber is a relatively unpopular one, but not so unpopular that they’re obscure or completely unheard of, they’re just not one of the big names in the YouTuber community. I made a few amazing friends due to us being in the same fandom and both enjoying this YouTuber’s content. One day, I decided to write a fanfic for this person’s story featuring her ocs. I uploaded the fic to AO3 and made sure to credit the YouTuber with creating these amazing ocs. I then showed it to my few friends, who all loved the fanfic. However, one day I made the mistake of showing the fic to a mutual friend(now an ex-friend but that’s a topic for another discussion) that me and the YT both share, and she sent the fanfic to the YT without my permission. Now before y’all get up in arms, I didn’t mind at all that she had sent it to the YT, in fact, I actually wanted the YT to see. However I really wish that she had asked me first, because I would have been more than happy to show it to them! Unfortunately, a few days after I sent it to her, my other friend(let’s call her M) showed me an announcement the YT made on her Discord, in which she complained about people writing fanfictions of her ocs and “using” them in her stories without her permission. She also stated that she felt like she was losing control of her story when other people wrote fanfics of it, and that whoever wrote the fanfiction “didn’t understand boundaries”(even though she didn’t have this boundary before and also wrote in the announcement that she used to be okay with fanfics of her work, but now no longer is). I deleted the fanfic the moment I saw the post from my friend, but I was a bit disappointed since I never meant to make her feel uncomfortable and only wanted to show my love and appreciation for her story, and possibly get more people to check out her story as well. Still, I deleted the fanfic from AO3. 

Now, here’s where things get interesting. A while later, I joined the YouTuber’s Discord server, where I met many people that I got along quite well with and quickly befriended. I often engaged in conversations with them about the story, and often drew fanart of my favorite character and posted it to the art channel in the server(she’s okay with fanart of her ocs, just not fanfics). Now is probably a good time to mention that while I was in the Discord server(and even before that) I often talked about the story with my friend on Tumblr(not M, these are two separate friends) who did not have Discord but loved the story just as much as I did. We often talked about the story and how much we enjoyed it, and often came up with jokes and headcanons, basic stuff like that, that any fan would do. Anyway, back to the Discord, one of the rules of the server was not to be disrespectful or rude or malicious towards other people, and another was that if you received two warnings about your behavior in the server then you would be quickly banned from the server and no longer allowed to come back. I understood this and tried to conduct myself to the best of my ability. However, one day, I found myself mysteriously unable to access the server, and when I tried to rejoin, I was again unable to. I found out that the reason I couldn’t access the server was because I had been banned due to “disrespectful behavior”, “engaging in arguments”, and making the YouTuber(who ran the server) uncomfortable. I was confused, because I genuinely don’t remember ever engaging in rude behavior with anyone. The few instances(according to them) in which I had been allegedly rude or disrespectful to people were both genuine misunderstandings, and both times I had apologized for them and did not repeat the behavior. I also did not receive any form of warning before being banned, despite one of the rules being that you will receive two warnings before being banned from the server. Still, I apologized for my alleged hostility and asked if I could come back, however the YouTuber said no, and went on to add that not only was I rude to people in the server(which, again, were both genuine misunderstandings), but that she had seen my Tumblr conversations with my friends in which I talked about her story, and said that she was “wildly uncomfortable” with how “obsessive” I was with it as well as my favorite character in the story. This bewildered me to no end because the YouTuber did not have Tumblr and had never once ever mentioned being on or having access to Tumblr, so I did not expect her to see my posts(and even if she did, I did not expect to get banned for them as they do not violate the rules of the server). It made me wonder why she didn’t just talk to me and explain to me that she was uncomfortable with me posting about her work instead of just banning me altogether and not giving me a chance to defend myself. I ended up sadly and reluctantly deleting all of my posts relating to her story, and requesting my friend to do the same. I told M about this scenario, and she was enraged on my behalf, saying that the YouTuber probably was actually upset about my having written a fanfic for her ocs, and said that she didn’t understand me being called obsessive because I acted like a normal fan would(which I agree with). Some of my other friends have sided with me as well and told me that the YouTuber was acting petty, however some of my friends have taken a middle ground. None of them entirely condemned me, but that may just be because they are biased and don’t want to hurt my feelings. The mutual friend/now ex-friend(of course) merely told me to “self-reflect” and move on from the story. Regardless, the YouTuber now has me blocked, not just on Discord, but on Instagram as well, where I also reside. 

Reasons why I think I might be the asshole: I will admit that I have a tendency to really hyperfixate on things and get especially attached to fictional characters that I adore and resonate with, so I can see why that would make them uncomfortable. That being said… 

Reasons why I think I might not be the asshole: I genuinely wasn’t trying to make this wonderful YouTuber feel uncomfortable or be “obsessive” with the story. I merely wanted to show my appreciation for it in a way that I thought was normal for online fans, which included writing a fanfic, drawing fanart, and geeking out about the story with my friends(admittedly publicly). I had no idea that these actions would turn the YouTuber off, and merely wanted to show how much I enjoyed the story. I also was never rude to anyone in the server and apologized whenever a misunderstanding rose up. I never tried to be aggressive with anyone or cursed anybody out or tried to have arguments with people, so I have no idea where that came from. 

So, what say ye, oh wise people of Tumblr? Am I the asshole or not?

What are these acronyms?

[anbaisai]

Finally had time to sit down and write, but honestly there’s not much to be said other than thank you to everyone who wrote a message on my tree! I really enjoyed reading every single message and screenshotting to save them into a folder for when I need a lil boost ww (including one from Mr. Viper himself above that got a laugh out of me, thanks Jamil really appreciate you thinking I’m cool)

Some sappiness under the cut:

I never expected to receive this much support for my silly yume/oc ship content when I began posting, and I really don’t have the words to express how grateful I am. I’ve met many wonderful people through this fandom, and also just had lots of fun in general making art. I mean it when I say I genuinely never had this much motivation and inspiration to create for any fandom (or original content) in the past. There was a long, long period in my life during which trying to find even a crumb of motivation to draw felt impossible. There was always some reason that I couldn’t - be it school/life being too busy, feeling too tired, having other stuff to do first, etc. I thought I’d never rediscover my love and passion for art, until I finally pushed myself to design my Yuu for real (instead of just thinking about it) and then everything just snowballed from there. (For context, I began playing TWST in 2020 and, despite being very much in love with it, only began drawing anything for it this year.)

I have such a massive list of ideas that I still want to draw (plus several asks that I want to answer that I just haven’t had the time to yet), so I’m certainly going to be kept busy for a while. After previously making every excuse possible for not drawing, I’ve learned that yeah, once you really love something you will squeeze time out for it no matter how hard things get, because it kills you not to. All those times when I wondered when I’d ever be able to draw as much as my favourite artists now feel like a distant relic of the past, and I have Twisted Wonderland (especially Jamil) and this community to thank for it. If anyone reading this is going through something similar, I promise it gets better - you will need to put in the effort to make it start, but you will get there.

There’s also my past experiences of being in fandoms that, well, did not welcome yume/self-shipping type content. If I so much as thought of creating any, the fear of being ridiculed would make me back away from the idea immediately. I’m glad to see that sentiment seems to be no longer the norm, but also the TWST fandom has been one of the most supportive of yume content I’ve ever seen. To everyone wanting to participate but has been hesitating, you absolutely should! My only regret is not starting sooner, seriously. In a sense I feel like I'm fulfilling a childhood dream of mine, and all of my past hesitation and anxiety just dissipated once... as cringe as it sounds - once love took over. So go pour your love and passion into that character you adore, they deserve it.

Anyways, wishing everyone a happy holidays and happy new year! Here’s to another year of enjoying TWST and creating for the things we love ❤

[frodo-with-glasses]

Where have you been?

Uhhh, France?

(That’s a Hamilton reference, btw. I have never been to France.)

So! Another Hobbit Day is upon us. On this day last year, I’d promised you all that we would take another trek through LotR, with all new drawings and poems and fanfics. I fully expected to be finished with Book One by now, at least halfway through FotR. What actually happened is that the blog struggled through the first five and a half chapters of the book before suddenly going radio silent.

So what happened?

Well, as you might expect, real life happened. I won't go into the details here—since it has nothing to do with LotR—but I can explain in DMs if anyone is interested.

Basically, a change in my family led to a reexamination of what I thought I knew about my family, which led to a reexamination of what I thought I knew about myself, which kicked off an intense period of self-improvement.

Over the course of this past year, I began to unpack my family's abuse; I learned about boundaries; I started to unlearn my old people-pleasing tendencies; I reconnected relationships that were broken, reevaluated ones that were in the wrong place, and cut off ones that weren't good for me. I discovered there was a little kid in my head who's been waiting years and years for an adult to love her, and to take her needs seriously, and I finally have the chance to be that adult. And I'm happy to say that I've come to a place where I feel safer in my own head than I have ever been.

Probably very little of that is going to show through on this blog. It's all inward stuff; foundational stuff. But one thing that might affect you guys is that I left my (dreadfully overstimulating and stressful) part-time job, and I'm now working full time somewhere else. As much as I love what I do for a living now, working 40 hours a week does mean that I am become Boring Adult who does not have as much time for interneting. With my current schedule, there is no way I'd be able to sustain the intense schedule of "must post one drawing a day" that I had in the early days of this blog; and I don't expect myself to.

But! I would like to—slowly—get this train rolling again.

I find it hilariously apropos that the last piece of art I posted on this blog was of Frodo suddenly disappearing. From Merry's perspective, he completely vanished without explanation or warning. From your perspective, so did I.

But I find myself here again, on another September 22nd, and once again I'm beginning to feel that pull; that pull to read, and draw, and create, and share, and laugh with all of you. Life has calmed down enough for me that I once again have the mental space to think about pursuing my hobbies. There are so many things I want to do—so much to do with the time that is given to me. And I want this blog to be on that list.

My current goal is to post some new book art every other day. If that's too much, I'll adjust it. But if I find my groove and really get into it, who knows? We might return to your regularly scheduled Daily Dose of Frodo-With-Glasses. We shall have to see.

Anyway. If you've read this far, thank you! If you've stuck with this blog since the early days, thank you. And if you are one of that lovely core Fellowship that has had my back and prayed for me all along, I cannot thank you enough.

This past year has been an absolute ride. Not as difficult as a trek to Mordor, maybe, but not easy either. But no matter where I walked, I knew I didn't have to take the journey alone.

Anyway! Enough sappiness. Happy Hobbit Day! I'm excited to see what the next year has in store for us. 💚

[skyrislunaflower]

I Love Us

Honestly, I'm so, so very glad AvA is the first fandom I've actually been an active participant in.

LONG RANT INCOMING

Throughout the years, I have "been in fandoms", but I never felt like posting my own art or works, commenting on vids (i didn't have a youtube account back then, still don't), or being anything other than a silent observer.

Back in March, when I came home from that math competition, and found AvMath in my recommendeds, and just clicked on it, I did not expect to get dragged into a fandom about stick figures, of all things. I remember watching AvPhysics directly after, then finding "Wanted", and watching it with no context. I remember going to the wiki, seeing all of the content that was made, and and binging AvM and the actual shorts and literally everything else.

And most of all, I remember thinking, "I wish I could just erase all of this from my mind and experience the magic all over again."

-

In May, I took a chance and went to Ao3. I knew it was a site to post fanfiction, but it had never been something I was interested in. But I was just curious, to see if fanfiction about this amazing fandom really existed. I didn't have an account, no; I think I just wanted to see.

There were about 1600-1700 fics on there about AvA, during that time. I didn't know how hits worked or kudos worked, but I just remember scrolling down until I could find something that looked like a lot of people had liked it.

And even then, I clearly remember the first fic I touched. "Identity", by LeenaFreeBird (I'll link it at the bottom). I absolutely loved it. I spent the rest of the month simply reading, and consuming all of the cool hcs, learning what fan terms meant, having an idea for my own fic that I thought, back then, I could never write.

Because I didn't.

I never made an account or wrote. I never left comments because part of me though people without an account wouldn't be able to, and that was just habit, at this point.

And even though I stepped slightly away from there in the months of June and July (we were in the process of moving halfway across the country, I had just watched the new Demon Slayer season, and upon recommendation had binged all of Haikyuu in a week), I always made sure to keep updated on whatever new AvA/M videos had been posted.

In August, I went back on Ao3.

SO MANY AMAZING FICS HAD BEEN WRITTEN IN THE SPAN I WAS AWAY.

I remember binging all of them for the month. I sat alone at lunch (as I was new I didn't have any friends), just reading them on my phone and getting sucked back into there.

In September AvI began. On a whim I logged back into my tumblr account that I had made like 5 years ago in 4th grade to post random rambling stuff about my life (I tagged nothing but my username wth), and redid my entire blog. I was sooo happy when one of my posts reached 100 notes.

I felt way stronger, and way braver. I joined the invite queue for Ao3, because I decided I DID want an account, and I DID want to post my own fics.

And everyone was (and is) SO NICE about it. They love my fics and posts (which I still consider really crappy, btw) to pieces, and always give me good comments. Even my bad fanart (another thing I got the courage to post during this time). Shipping wars never happen here (if they did, I wouldn't know about it). Rarepairs are appreciated, and we unanimously know the ships that should be completely illegal (not naming ship names here).

Everything and everyone is loved, and this is like the one little corner of the Internet where mostly all is safe and your opinion is valued. Sure, your fan theory may be wrong, but people here don't go and tell you "that's so stupid lol, no way that's true". They'll give you actual feedback, explain the evidence that falsifies it, or add to it because they like it.

Even on YouTube, if someone posts a yellue ship video, for example, they'll get hate, or "the color quad are just siblings lol", or "they r stickmen why are u shipping them". If someone HCs Blue as a girl (ik that's been debunked where we are at rn), they'll get a comment saying "it's stickman for a reason".

Like, let people have their opinions. Alan has never confirmed the color quad as siblings, or their origin story. I know he has said that he would like to avoid romance by not making female characters, but it's not like the people who ship yellue or grapeduo barge up to his door and demand he makes it canon. They're just peaceful, and everything that you're saying is fanon. For all we know, four different animators could have collabed on the sticksfight website and each animated a different character (not saying that's true, but we don't know).

And even with hollowhead pairs. Alan created them, yes, but how does Creator transfer to father in this scenario? We don't know, because he hasn't confirmed the hollowheads as siblings either. They still get hate on YouTube.

But Tumblr just loves everyone. The AvA community, for example, will always make you feel like you posted something good. They lift you up, not put you down. They appreciate your headcanons because it provides a new way of looking at things.

They appreciate you.

I feel so much better about putting myself out there, and I know I will do so more in the future. I now cannot comprehend how someone can see all of this content and think "they are just stick figures". No they aren't. They are stick figures with trauma, feelings, pain, heroic qualities, fatal flaws.

You, tumblr, makes me feel this way.

Thank you so much.

(I did not expect to rant about my entire journey when I was supposed to be talking about how amazing the AvA tumblr fandom is, but now that I have I'll just keep it. Here's the fic I was talking about)

[vintageaurelia]

knitting club (Thomas Thorne x Reader drabble)

note: hi fellas. this is my first time writing something like this and POSTING it. I'm a little nervous ngl! But just bear with me I swear I'll improve 😊. anywho! feel free to shoot some silly little requests my way!

Also! apologies if you don't have any clue about knitting, I personally do and I based this off a singular Thomas quote LOL.

------

The club meetings Alison was hosting in the home proved to be bothersome for some of the ghosts, annoyed at how many people were visiting the house every day. Between the AA meetings and just the most random topics you could ever think of being discussed, it was something not everyone was entirely interested in. Though everyone loved to tune into the AA meeting every once in a while, for some juicy stories. 

You on the other hand? You stuck around for all the art based clubs, it reminded you of when you were alive and could do all this work with your hands.

The knitting club proved to be one that you could watch for hours, it's one of the hobbies you missed a lot. Looking around at all of the cute creations everyone was making and talking about their families and different stories they had from the day filled your soul with a sort of warmth. 

As this week's meeting began, you sat on the old beat up couch, watching all the young, old, women and men fill the seats, excited about what progress they made over the week. Unbeknownst to you though, a certain poet was walking past the room to see you sitting in there alone, with the group that had no idea you were there.

Thomas was never really fond of the knitting club, he felt it was boring and it wasn’t worth his time to sit and watch other people knit while talking about their grandkids or their in-laws. But maybe he could learn to like it? Maybe just for you?

He walked into the room silently as you were enchanted by all the people getting ready to start the meeting. “Good evening dear (Y/N),” Thomas greets you with a slight bow and a polite smile on his face. You light up and wave to him “Hi! Are you here for the knitting club? I thought you didn’t like them?” Thomas freezes up before responding with a quick agreement. “I just thought I might’ve judged them a little too hard at first, so I thought I would give them another chance,” this makes you smile and you go back to watching the group. 

He had to admit it's not as boring as he remembered, but it still wasn’t super enjoyable for him. But boy did it make him gleam seeing you get up and tell him what everyone was making and why.

By the end of the meeting, he learned one of the older women was making a blanket for her new grandson, and a young man was making a hat for his wife as a Christmas gift. Part of him wished he could do something like that for you, just because he realized how excited you get about this stuff.

“Say (Y/N), did you know how to knit when you were living? You seem to know quite a bit.” You nod, “It was a big hobby of mine. I spent a lot of time and money on blankets and hats, which now thinking about it, probably paid off. Because now my family has something handmade to remember me.” You smile, but it hurts to think about sometimes. 

Thomas reads you like a book, he realizes how emotional you are getting. He places a supportive hand on your shoulder. 

You both lock eyes, getting lost with one another. Thomas soon breaks eye contact to glance over at the people knitting mindlessly.

“I know that being stuck here isn’t ideal, and not being able to do the things you love isn’t ideal either. But isn’t it splendid you can still appreciate it? Even if you cannot do it, isn’t the true gift appreciation?” He states, so matter of factly you can’t even begin to argue. “That was actually very poetic.” Both of you smile at each other. 

“I also appreciate you, Thomas.” 

“I feel the same exact way, my dearest.”

-----

I hope you all enjoyed! Probably not the best work ever, but I thought it was cute :)

[vampirepersay]

Deadybear666 has liked your post: Toki Wartooth X plus size gender-neutral reader chapter 1

CW: IMPLIED BODY IMAGE ISSUES

The bright light coming from your laptop was the only light keeping your otherwise dark room illuminated you really should have gone to sleep hours ago but who needed sleep when you had dumb memes and cool art to look at on Tumblr, that was until you got that all too familiar notification very low battery

“oh shit “

you mumbled to yourself. Not wanting to get up from your bed you made a deal with yourself.

, “I'll just wait for it to die, then I'll plug it up and go to sleep”

you said to yourself. I should check my notifications you thought, realizing you had a few that had gone unnoticed.

“ deadybear666 reblogged your post”

“wowie this is so cools!!!!” it said, a small smile made its way onto your face. It was a small doodle you had made a few days ago of a zombie cat. You noticed another notification after that “deadybear666 has followed you” You clicked on this person's blog their bio making you laugh quietly to yourself

“Defintleys, nots toki wartooth”

Their blog was full of pictures they had reblogged, mostly of cute animals and stuffed toys, as well as tons of stuff about music, mostly death metal. They seemed to love the band Dethklok, which wasn't all that surprising. They were the most popular band in the world and everyone loved Dethklok.

It was very obvious who their favorite was judging by the countless photos they had reblogged of skwisgaar skwigelf which again made sense the guy was a chick magnet.

Something that you immediately noticed was the fact they never seemed to show their face; you couldn't blame them. You didn't either. Maybe they were just self-conscious about how they looked. Yeah, that was probably it.

you, unfortunately, knew that feeling all too well. You got enough shit about your body in the real world all the time so it was nice to have something that you weren't connected to. People could just see your art and not the person that made it. Was a nice change of things.

It made sense someone else would want something like that too.

After a few minutes of mindless scrolling, you notice their pinned post

“All my frieirds ams dildos if you ams not a dildo pls talks to tos me

With nothing to lose you decided to send them a message.

“Thanks for the follow and reblog!!! You seem cool if you even want to talk feel free to message me!!

After you clicked send as if your computer was taunting you you were met with the black screen of death.

Not to long after that your eyes began to feel heavy and it started to feel impossible to stay awake after fighting the loosening battle for what felt like eternity you began to drift off to the land of dreams.

AN: this is extremely short and I apologize for that I'm trying to set up the plot before there's any real toki x reader content also if toki sounds off I'm sorry I've never written for him before and I'm not too sure how to write his accent just yet.

[noellawrites]

Not Much of a Life - Yandere!Carmy Berzatto x reader

summary: on the run from your small town, you find a job waitressing at the newly reopened restaurant, The Bear. but you have no idea what's in store when the owner develops an obsession with you.

warnings: rape, breeding kink, stalking, obsession, domestic violence mention.

Armed with coffee in one hand and red-circled newspaper in the other, you made your way down Orleans Street. Right now, your mission was to check out two job listings: a vacuum store and a vape store. Online, they both looked a bit shabby, but you couldn’t be too picky.

As you looked around, a half-constructed storefront caught your eye. Even with the letters taken down, you could see the sun-bleached remnants on the sign: The Original Beef of Chicagoland.

Cupping your eyes, you stared through the glass. Two white men, one around your age and one a few decades older, argued as they worked together to move a countertop.

A girl around your age with long locs tied in a bandana stood on a ladder, laughing at the men as she painted over the dirty white walls.

You could see a flurry of activity in the kitchen, too. It looked like about ten people were working on various building and electrical pursuits in order to revamp The Beef.

Without a second thought, you banged on the glass and caught the attention of the two arguing men.

The older one with facial hair swung the door open, almost hitting you.

"Uh, hello! I saw you guys were working in here and I was wondering if you might be hiring?" you asked sheepishly, as the man frowned at you.

"No, sorry sweetheart," he said, pulling the door closed.

"Jesus, cousin, don't be an asshole," the other guy, with lots of tattoos and piercing blue eyes, said as he grabbed the door.

"You got any experience?"

"I waited tables in high school, I can make coffee and cook some basic stuff," you offered.

"We need a waitress. Come back next Saturday, we'll be getting ready to open. You got a phone?" He said all in one breath, running a hand through his hair.

"Yeah, here," you said, handing your phone to the man as he entered in his contact information.

"My schedule's open, I can basically work anytime. I could really use the money," you explained.

"Good, 'cause I'm sure as hell not lettin' Richie wait on customers anymore," he said, earning a "hey!" from the older man.

"Thank you--" you began, looking down at your phone as he handed it back to you, "Carmy. My name's (y/n), it's nice to meet you." You said, outstretching your hand to shake.

The moment your hands touched, you felt a jolt, almost like a spark. "I'll see you in a week," Carmy said, as you stared into his gorgeously blue eyes.

You nodded, stepping back and walking towards the L stop.

--

Carmy Berzatto had never felt like this, ever. He was always too busy to fall in love, moving from one thing to the next, perfecting his art, running the restaurant. Instead, he told himself he was perfectly fine with jerking off to meaningless porn on the nights he felt a little lonely. But that night, his mind was preoccupied with something entirely different: you.

He practically counted down the hours until you returned for your first day, the day before the grand opening of The Bear.

He found the perfect uniform for you at Goodwill. A professional dress in the same dark blue as the kitchen's aprons. It was the right size but he asked Sugar to hem it anyway, selfishly wanting to see the skin of your thighs as you carried out your duties.

Once you put the dress on, you grinned and threw your arms around Carmy, telling him how much you loved it and couldn't wait to get to work.

At family meal, you learned about the employees' lives and they asked about yours. You confessed that you were currently sleeping on your friend's couch in her apartment downtown. You'd recently moved from a small Midwestern town, wanting to experience life in the city. Your money was running low, and it had been difficult to find a job in Chicago post-covid. But nonetheless, you were excited to be there.

You felt everyone's eyes on you, analyzing your words and behavior. You'd obviously been pulled in by the glamour of city life, but hadn't been ready for reality's smack in the face.

--

The first few months of work had lulled you into a routine. Wake up, get dressed, run to the L train, ride it to the east side, walk to The Bear, all while it was still pitch-black outside. In the evenings, you did it all again, sometimes stopping at a bar before heading back to your friend's apartment.

You'd just been approved for your own place, a cheap studio apartment in an area close to The Bear. You really did love your job, despite Carmy acting a bit odd towards you. You figured he was still adjusting to managing the restaurant.

You had no idea that you'd slowly consumed Carmy Berzatto's thoughts, his life, his very being.

His every waking moment was filled with thoughts of you. You, pulling your dress off for him. Stomach round from his seed, a new maternity dress, waiting tables while heavily pregnant. Raising his children, taking them to their Aunt Sugar's. Pinning you against the wall, screaming at you. Punching the drywall beside you, making you flinch. Tears running down your face as he takes what belongs to him. You didn't have much of a life anyways. A couch-surfing runaway with drugstore makeup and hair filled with dry shampoo. You only had a life because of his generosity.

--

Your first date with Carmy was at a bar down the street. It was after work but you'd both lied about it, not wanting everyone to know you both shit where you ate.

You didn't even make it to the bar, just to the alley next to it. The stench of garbage filled your nostrils as Carmy unbuckled his pants and unzipped his fly.

You started to protest but Carmy clamped a hand over your mouth as he fished his dick out of his underwear.

"I've wanted this since the day I met you. God, I can't believe I waited this long. Cousin told me I had to take what I fuckin' want, ‘n you're mine now.”

You tried to scream and push Carmy away, eyes wide with fear. Carmy stuffed his fingers in your mouth, pressing harder and effectively muffling you.

You choked on his fingers at the back of your throat as his penis entered your vagina with a violent push. It was one of the most painful things you'd ever experienced, and you were paralyzed with fear.

You could see the outline of his muscles and the tattoos on his arms as he jerked into you, violating you with every push. Tears clouded your eyes and you prayed that he would stop soon. Your stomach tightened with fear and unwilling pleasure as Carmy released inside of you with a groan. You came soon after, whimpering on his fingers in your mouth as you shuddered in pleasure.

"I knew you wanted me. Without me, you'd be on the fucking streets," he snarled into your ear in a cruel tone you'd never heard before.

You had seeped into the cracks between Carmy's nightmares from New York, filling his head with softness and pleasure. He couldn't just dream about you anymore, he needed the real thing. And now, you didn't have much of a choice.

[bruteanarchy]

YOUR TURN MWAHHAHAHA TELL ME ABOUT NYA'S GENDER JOURNEY PLS!!! Don't leave out anything I love yapping!!!!

HAHAHAH OMG i never expected anybody to actually ask me this.. i love when people ask me stuff here tysm😅😅💙sorry if this is an insane rant, my memory betrays me sometimes so some things may be vague!!

just like how my girlfriend @coastyreef explained in their own post abt a similar topic (this but harumi) nya has grown and shaped into her gender identity basically just like i have as i’ve grown up. believe it or not, i used to HATE nya. everyone in the early ninjago fandom saw him as this “in the way of my gay relationships” character, and that her treatment of jay was horrible, (i could get INTO it abt that actually…. but you’ve probably heard that a few times before) basically a bunch of honestly misogynistic things in the early fandom that made me shy away from openly relating and liking her — so i sorta ran with liking jay a lot more until “recently” (aka a few years ago.. oldhead ninjago fan lol) i mean, my name sparky is literally because of jay so i have to give her some credit🙄

ninjago was and still is a way for me to process my own experiences and look at them from a different angle. ive always struggled with my gender identity/presentation growing up; i have PCOS and i was born with more masculine features then feminine, so in school i’d always be made fun of my body hair and features. i used to really want to be girly, it was a constant battle of myself between being a tomboy or a “girly girl” that continued up until middle school. i was considered dirty and rough, but also weak and annoying because i was a “girl”, so no amounts of masking and faking stereotypical femininity really changed much in my school days. (i remember my INSANE cutesy girly phase in middle school… man that was so embarrassing HAHAH)

i believe around the same time as coast, i was questioning myself too. i went by any pronouns, most notably they/them was at the front of it. i remember a year before this, i had a vulnerable moment with my chest and crying to coast about how i dont feel like a girl and i hate my boobs. which lead into coast saying “hey, we can try he/him pronouns on you and see if you like it!” i instantly retreated in fear because it was a big change that 12-13 year old sparky wasn’t entirely against, but wasnt ready to confront that part of himself. anyways, a year later i’m any pronouns queen, and im warming up to being more open to liking nya and relating to her, but im still considered and seen by others as jay reincarnate. twisted limerence, me and baes first fan season was a sort of catalyst for both of us, and waterjade as a whole was as well DEFINITELY. i mean, that ship since basically d1 was a reflection of our relationship and ourselves in the characters! it only made sense. it was just an insanely slow brewing process honestly

a lot of my own headcanons and musing for nya was internalized and kept under wraps in my own mind, i just coasted along with what coast thought up, or they would force (coax) my ideas out of me, or sometimes even if i was feeling vulnerable enough, (or manic with little to no restraint of my thoughts back then) i’d shyly share some of my headcanons for nya and hope for acceptance.. which i always got, which made me mosey up more confidence with each talk and thought. nyas presentation back then was still feminine af, the personalization laid in the pronouns and genderfluid flag (photos below of my old art.. how i used to draw her heh eww ok ive improved ok..) and the growing fat on her body, because nya being fat made me accept my own fatness/have a more body positive image!

nyas pronouns becoming from she/her to she/he/they was a secret catharsis for me, and as time went on and the he pronoun moved up and the they pronoun eventually left the picture, soon i followed suit. honestly i used to be a little followerish, when coasty began embracing the nonbinary label, i labeled myself as nonbinary too as a sort of starter, because i liked what the label meant and i felt like i related. but quickly, i realized i was mistaken. i still felt out of place, not properly understood of myself, and just plain confused. they/them pronouns never really cut it for me, in fact it annoyed me that people usually referred to me with she/they pronouns, but i buried it because i didnt really know what else i could do. transness and identity has always been complex for me, it was a chasm to move from cis to nonbinary alone. how could i be anything more then just a girl playing dressup with masculine clothes?

one day, at the end of pride month i remember.. i officially came out as genderfluid. it was just a quick post on my story on insta changing my pronouns to HE/it/they + a bunch of neos (some i still have to this day) and having genderfluid in my bio instead of nonbinary. i felt like i was starting to understand myself more, and even though it seemed short and simple to post abt it once, it felt like a huge step to me. early teenage sparky was finally getting somewhere!

this is where time gets testy for me, but i believe me and coastys gender journeys were aligned for the most part, i was just more internalized about it. nya was becoming less feminine and more masculine in appearance, he was gaining more fat and muscles, and spiky, shorter hair. i think the fact our perception of nya didnt align much with the fandoms perception (either a chapstick lesbian with flowy long hair and makeup or the 000.1% who hc’d him as transmasc, but not the way our nya was) made me resonate with her more. at this point in highschool im #1 nya relater, which actually caused me some problems believe it or not. when i became open about liking him to the point of him being my muse i was pushed back into keeping it to myself because 2020-2022 (kin)stagram was SOOO crazy 😅😅but hey im out of that cesspool now as you can see! i still remember the day i changed my name from solely sparky to nya/sparky. it felt so right to take a name thats also a part of my culture (nya is a name that has irish roots, it is also samoan! fun fact!) and that came from my favorite character.

i also struggled with my sexuality and channeled that through nya. for a long time, even when i was in elementary school i called myself bisexual. even though i never really actually liked men all that much, not enough to pursue a romantic relationship with them… or well.. anybody (i tried in the name of conformity and “femininity”) i didnt really like ANYBODY until coast. my emotions have always been restrained and not felt so normally, so i thought romance was like every other emotion: dull and heavily repressed with no way of expressing it. until, again i got with coast HAHAH. i figured out right away through coast that i was on the demi-aroace spectrum but i kept the bisexual label until i guess recently! nya definitely went through the same thing for the sake of convenience in his eyes.

oh but the gender labels and identity didnt stop at just highschool, recently, in my first year of graduating i confronted some deeply repressed parts of myself, and before it was put onto me it was put onto nya. i had a secret headcanon brewing.. something i kept from coast until an explosion of a trend on tiktok… i … headcanoned nya.. as a BUTCH!!!!!!!!!! i felt like the label butch was fitting for him, i was fascinated with the talk and the labels and the history of queerness and lesbianism, but i felt like i didnt belong there at all. i felt so guilty for loving the label butch so much, i just kept it to myself and nya.. my forever muse. coasty, just like they always had, supported me and coaxed that part of myself out of me into the open. they accepted me when i said “hey… what if…. i said nyas a butch…” they even accepted me when i said in a hypomanic episode “kratos from god of war is a butch and has pcos, thats why he has a beard!!” (ty bae) this just goes to show that acceptance goes a long way, and having a character you relate to so deeply does too!!

nyas canonical journey of becoming a ninja and finding her identity feels so much like my own. that scared me when i was younger, but now i feel seen and like hes my number one character. he’s basically exactly like me, the only difference is muscles and race bc im a white boy and i need to hit the gym😅 and im happy to finally be able to publicly say that! for a long time i felt like my identity wasnt mine to own, that everyone else dictated who i was.. but now i can confidently say my identity belongs to me. the power of choosing for myself means a lot to me. now i can say im nya and he is a punk riot grrrl butch who has PCOS and……… a secret third option.. (im still kinda shy to talk about headcanons abt mental health and more personal parts of myself i was born with HAHAH.. maybe i will soon though if asked) nya has definitely helped jay with her own gender journey too, i actually have a whole headcanon storyline for that lol!!!!! but yeah anyways this has been long enough… ty for asking! i loveee asks i love ranting secretly😅😅💙💙

[m--rtyr]

Hey new to the aphmau fandom, like days old, and i was wondering what order to watch her rps as its kinda confusing to me

This is going to be such a long post because there’s so much to say! (There is a TLDR at the end if you don’t care about specifics and just want a watch order)

The inclusion of side-series and stuff just convolutes things a tad. But I promise, you will get an answer.

First;

I suggest a side series to start. Which isn’t to say that they’re all short, they’re just not relevant to the Big Two.

But, yeah, just dip your toe in the pool first.

Dreams of Estorra- never watched it. But it’s popular. It should be on the Aphmau Stories channel instead of her main one, if you can’t find it there. If someone can offer me a summary for it I would love you.

A Royal Tale- a weird mishmash of Disney and the Aphverse. A lighthearted fantasy show with some adult humour, Lo (< an icon), and romance. It will introduce you to some of the characters from the other series without overwhelming you with references you won’t understand. Aarmau, but they’re exes who hate eachother. It’s only a roleplay

Mermaids Tale- similar thing to ART, a mermaid au for Aphverse. Very Aarmau centric, there’s lesbian mermaids. I cant actually remember the plot but it got me into my train (the singer) phase. It’s only a roleplay

Mod Mod world- never watched it, but it did get a sequel that I’ll bring up later. Again, would love a summary from someone.

My Inner Demons- it’s one of the only non-aphmau centric shows and doesn’t include ANY aphverse characters. The main character is Ava, and it’s set up like a Harem Anime with a bunch of male demon love interests for her. It has quite adult humour, but it’s pretty cute aesthetically and deserves a second season. It’s only a roleplay

HeartPoint- a girl sees how much people like her platonically and romantically by little stats that appear above their heads. I believe Aphmau is the only Aphverse character, and whilst the romance is pretty obvious to me, I’ll leave who she ends up with blank as that’s kind of a part of the series… iirc. It’s only a roleplay.

There may be more… I’ll have to look.

Anyways.

So.

Onto the behemoths.

Minecraft Diaries is the first of the Roleplays to really get her popularity. It’s a medieval fantasy, with both roleplay and let’s play elements in it. It ran for three seasons, seasons one and two being 100 episodes each, however season 3 ended short. It was never completed. Season three is regarded as the worst season, and most either don’t consider it canon or haven’t watched it at all, but I consider it canon solely because it introduces us Lo, who I love. The two main ships when it was popular were Laurmau and Garmau, and if it weren’t for MyS, they probably still would be treated as such.

If you want to watch the main series in chronological order, I would watch MCD first. It is my favourite tho so maybe I’m biased. The lore can be contradictory and the quality slowly improves over time. It started to get remade with Rebirth, which you can watch before hand to get a general gist of the show before you dive into it, though it isn’t incredibly accurate to how the original is. Seasons 1-2 are on Aphmau’s main channel (I think), but season 3 is on Aphmau Stories. You don’t need to watch MyStreet but, you will probably end up watching it anyways.

Brief intermission: Void Paradox. The Mod Mod world sequel, is also a side series for MCD s1, and was made years afterwards. Very high quality, probably one of the better side series in general, and deserved a continuation. MMW isn’t required to watch it, but for context on Laurence and what’s up with him, MCD s1 is.

The next is MyStreet. It started as a modern Au for Diaries with the side stories and The Big Move, however began to be made into its own series. It begins as a slice of life, and is very light hearted with an Aarmau emphasis. It faces a genre swap for Season 4, before reverting to a slightly more solemn version of what it once was, before it goes back to a darker vibe for s6. Until s6, it existed in a separate universe to MCD, and you don’t need to watch MCD to understand it (though it does provide some context for s6)

There are prequels and side series (and a three episode sequel, which is fun). PDH is the main one, and because MyS was made first, they can contradict, however you will need to watch PDH S2 for context for MyS S4. Otherwise you won’t know the villain or understand what the fuck he’s doing. After them, there is PDH: Graduation days, and FalconClaw University. Neither are particularly important, but again, FCU offers some context for s4, so… you could watch it. It’s just not mandatory. There’s Aphmau’s year after s4, which is just a recovery mini-season, and there’s Her Wish which was released before s6, but set after it. And I will give them credit, they did preplan when they wrote her wish and watching it after s6 and realising everything they did to retain continuity… oh it’s good. Her wish does require watching MCD S3/late s2 though, it won’t make sense without it.

TLDR;

If a series isn’t Void Paradox, Mystreet, MCD, Phoenix Drop High or FalconClaw Uni, you can just watch it whenever.

MCD / PDH / MYS is my personal favourite watch order, because it’s all chronological. But just go with whatever you vibe with!

MCD is the OG and fantasy Medieval, but is a mix of roleplay and let’s play, and doesn’t have entirely consistent lore. It has a partial remake and it’s final, incomplete season, sucked.

PDH is higher quality and a highschool drama with fantasy undertones but less relevant, and is a prequel for MyS

MYS is the most popular and is a slice of life with more fantasy undertones, as well as very high quality, but suffers through genre swaps, and requires some context from the other two in later seasons.

[a-small-tragedy]

And so... Hi!

Usually my name is Korzh, but you can call me Bernard! My pronouns are he/his. You may know me from the Topher art. But recently I had posts written about me with extremely dubious content and I want to refute these disgusting accusations in my direction. 

Let's get right to the point, I'm NOT a PROSHIPPER AND I'VE NEVER BEEN ONE.

The first and most terrible is the accusation of pedo content. I've always drawn characters older than they are in the show. I myself am very uncomfortable with sexual undertonesbetween 16-year-olds, so I made them older for my comfort. That being said, the characters both on my nsfw artworks as well as regular ones are OF AGE!

Also, in my defense, I want to show a post that I made the DAY BEFORE.

Context: I drew my favorite characters dynamics, but some people started commenting adult and child pairs, so I made a post.

Translation: JULY 5TH 9:54 Guys, if there is a child or an animal in your ship dynamics, then I may have questions for you...  Just a warning, I never thought that it would be necessary to introduce a rule for this, in my group!

I tried to be as correct and gentle in my statements as possible, because I couldn't know for sure with which intent these characters were shown in the first place. But later I realized that it was just a misunderstanding, I did not indicate that it was a romantic relationship, people misunderstood me, so I deleted the post :D

But as you can see, I'm generally AGAINST THIS KIND OF STUFF.

Speaking of misunderstandings.....I was also accused of Transphobia based on a deleted post.

Probably not everyone knows, but I am trans myself! It was very hard to accept, because I was constantly faced with transphobia in my address from people in reality and the Internet.

As for the deleted post, it really looks terrible. The fact is that unfortunately, while writing, I mixed two ideas at once( The first one was that I can't really imagine Topher being in a relationship with a girl. The second one was supposed to tell about the ideas for an art with T Joan and T Topher.

But in the process of writing, I couldn't formulate the idea correctly, and it turned out like THIS... IT WASN'T UNTIL A FEW MINUTES LATER THAT I REALIZED WHAT I HAD DONE AND I WAS REALLY SORRY, SO I DELETED THE POST SO AS NOT TO UPSET PEOPLE. My trans friend reassured me that it didn't hurt her, but I still felt terrible, so I completely refused to implement that idea.

I'm really sorry about that post, but I didn't think that people would just take it out of context and want to cancel me without understanding the situation. Now I understand that I should have apologized for it right away. But what happened happened.

Also I tried to contact these people just to talk, but the only person who knows their contacts refused to help.

Addition: Some people on Twitter pointed out my nationality, yes, I am Russian and do not support the authorities in my country. WELL, APPARENTLY, NOT EVERYONE KNOWS THAT 2 OUT OF 3 PEOPLE WHO WROTE THE POST WITH THE CANCELLATION ARE RUSSIANS THEMSELVES. AHAHAHAHAHAH Addition 2: Already at the time of writing, the authors of the post compared me to a real terrible person and began to blackmail me by setting conditions. I can't describe how disgusted I am with this whole situation. Shall these words and actions be on their own responsibility, if they have any left. To the rest, thank you for reading and taking the time! Your support has helped me to deal with this. Special thanks to everyone who helped translate this text ahahah, I'm really not very good at this... If you have any questions, you can ask them in the comments or an anonymous ask!  Bye!

[hokkaidossoul12]

I need to get a lot off my chest (long post)

I feel that there is a lot of things I need to explain on my own end that I haven't really talked about to people, especially those who I have had close online connections with since these last few years. It's not just on Tumblr but when I was also on DeviantArt before I decided to deactivate my account. I haven't been able to get the response out that I wanted to for a long time and I want to get this out before I don't get the chance to due to mental issue (no, it's not depression or anything life threatening, don't worry.) Overtime I haven't really been keeping up to date with messaging or posting to people even when they've made the effort to message me (even my own family). I do see when these people message me and it may take me a few days, weeks or even a month before I respond to it. Most of the response I give are either because of life issues or that I simply forgot to message but that isn't the whole story as to why. It's not because I'm lazy or don't want to message the person back even thought I've been convincing myself it is. It's mainly because I can't get myself together mentally to send anything and overwhelm myself trying to think of something that doesn't sound like an excuse or that I don't care about the person on the other end. I may respond back quickly to messages like "hi, how have you been?" or anything that involves general conversation since I already know how to answer. But when it's something that I have to think about in a way that anything I could say would upset someone I have to stop and take some time to get a response today that doesn't sound offend someone.

I struggle to pick up on certain social cues and taking in the environment unless I can clearly see it or if it's pointed out to me by someone else. Because it is an online conversation it's harder for me to tell whether I am overstepping a mark or saying something that may upset a person or a group of people I'm talking to. Yes, I have overstepped a mark before a few years back (around when I was 14 and 17) with people because I brought up topics of sexual, gory or inappropriate themes that have upset people before and they or someone else had to step in and tell me it was not okay. That still eats me up now because the fact that I can't pick up on if something I talk about is inappropriate unless someone tell me I feel degusted in myself.

I am very desensitized to a lot of things that would be shocking or sickening to someone who isn't used to seeing or hearing about it. I watched a lot of it as a way to cope with a lot of issues I had to do with violence when I was around seven. Watching videos or seeing images like that for some reason helped me to become less violent physically but also began to make me less destressed when it came to gore and other themes. I never asked anyone about it since I'd always been told that people who were autistic saw things differently and any questions about what I was going through were pushed aside. I never pushed any further about it because people would get upset with me when I did, especially people who didn't believe in autism or refuse to acknowledge I had it, one or two of my teachers convincing me I was just mentally sick and that discipline would work a.k.a yelling in my face, slamming their hands down on the front of my desk inches from my face, trying to get the work through my "thick skull" and being punished for not understanding the work. I know this doesn't have to do with it but it's a reason why I was drawn to the internet and talking online to people.

I began to use the internet a lot to express how I was feeling and making art to put online. I eventually found DeviantArt and began making art there and making friends with a lot of people. I began getting really involved in roleplay stuff and talking to people who followed me and became friends with me. I was going through a lot of stuff offline which prevented me from making friends so I saw the people online as my friends instead.

This is what lead me to get into unhealthy habits online which lead to me to get into unhealthy habits offline due to the people online who were influencing me. I would make a few people uncomfortable and began getting into online drama that I had no knowledge of beforehand, I thought I was helping people that way. I was also doing drawing requests which ended up making me uncomfortable to do because my own boundaries were being broken but couldn't say no. Eventually, I realized that I wasn't becoming a nice person due to my unresolved issues I had online and offline and my own mental health was coming at an expense. I eventually left DeviantArt saying it was because of AI but that wasn't the only reason. One of the drawing requests I'd received finally broke me and made me realize that DA wasn't as nice and friendly community anymore. All of the friends I made on there were the only positive things I had on there anymore and even half of them had deactivated due to website not caring about them anymore. I don't know if DeviantArt changed or not, I do not care for it anymore and I don't ever intend to go back.

After letting go of that website it felt like I finally had a chance to fix myself and get my life sorted. But, doing this also gave me the issues of lacking communication with those I used to talk to a lot. I kept feeling like I was saying the wrong things and some of the time I was. Sometime two years ago on discord there was one instance where I was trying to console someone and I said something wrong by accident. I tried apologizing and overexplaining what I did was wrong and I was mocked by someone else because they interpreted what I said as trying to make myself a victim. I ended up becoming mentally destressed because of it which eventually made me talk to people less and less until I became so paranoid about talking that I completely stopped communicating in group chats altogether. This and family issues that have been coming up that I don't like to talk about here.

It has taken me some time to finally start chatting to new people again and even with family and old friends I have. So @spookyhollowart , @unknowncreature19 , @rosebed69 , @1246114 and anyone else who I have been personally messaging for years, I'm sorry for the lack of responses I've been giving you. It's not anything you have done, I still have a lot of unresolved issues I need to sort out and that I might not always have the best response to give you when you need me. I just hope your all doing well and that life is treating you alright, I also want to thank you for being there for me when I needed it <3

[pinkcdraws]

Hello! This is my first time sending an ask since I’m usually just a lurker, and of course it’d be a long one. 🫠 I was anxious about asking because it’s about old art, but seeing your Grianverse callback post gave me courage lol 

Your art was what first introduced me to Hermitcraft way back in 2020, it was a parody animation of a Garfunkel and Oates song with Grian and Mumbo. The art style was so crisp and shapey and pretty, so I liked it even though I had no clue what the characters were from, lol. Then I realized I had passively heard the name Grian before and decided to check it out, starting with this “Hermitcraft” thing. And so the hyperfixation began, haha. 

I recently got back into Hermitcraft after falling out of it for a while due to new fandom obsessions and generally life happening. I have been really enjoying it, and wanted to rewatch that video for nostalgia’s sake, but I can’t find it so I assume it was privated or deleted.

I was wondering if there was anywhere I could watch it again, but I understand you probably removed it for a reason and I fully respect if you want it to stay in the past; I know people move on from fandoms all the time and don’t really want their old work for it to be public anymore and that’s totally fine. 

Either way, I also wanted to just thank you so much for introducing me to my biggest comfort series. Hermitcraft’s intense wholesomeness and good vibes have helped me feel okay again on some rough nights, and I may have never found it if not for you. Since I’ve rediscovered your art (and am loving the Genshin Impact content, haha), it makes me really happy to see that you’re doing well and still making really cool stuff! 

This genuinely was so sweet to read, I'm so glad I was able to introduce you to Hermitcraft! I still love it and watch it from time to time. Even though I distanced myself from it fandom wise, I still love this series dearly.

I did eventually unlist all my Hermitcraft related content- I was getting into new media at the time and was making fanart for said new interests, but people would constantly ask "but you're not going to stop drawing Hermitcraft right?" or "I miss when you drew Hermitcraft" and it became to much. I just wanted to draw what I was interested in at the time but so many people connected me specifically with Hermitcraft and it was honestly a little exhausting, like I wasn't allowed to branch out into my other interests.

I'm at the point though where I do miss my silly Grianverse babies and would like to draw them all again (wouldn'tmind even trying to draw Mumbo again, love that madlad), so fuck it we ball, so I don't mind putting a link to that video! I'm assuming this is the one you are referring to

[leopardom]

✨ sappy post incoming ✨

(and a little trigger warrning for the vague mention of suicide)

i’m not gonna do any gig reports for now because last week still feels like a fever dream and i can’t really put my thoughts in an order that makes sense. but i just wanted to stop by to say how much i love the vibes and creativity of this fandom and how happy everyone was when it came to meeting and trading/giving out their creations while queueing for the gigs or even when they were over

in Munich, Milan and Padova i got to meet so many people from here. with some of them i chatted more and with some others less. but in any case it absolutely warmed my heart to finally see all those people i see on tumblr but like, in real life! i got to trade my stickers for bracelets/stickers/art/fan stuff, got to see everyone have a good laugh because of my stuff and also got to complement people for their crafts. and i'm telling you i really meant every single word because as i already mentioned, i love the creativity of this fandom 💕

last weekend i began my trip with pretty much nothing on me and now i'm back home with a bag full of bracelets, a folder full of art and a heart so full i wanna cry. i mean look at that:

1) idek where to begin with the tags of the artists, i’m still confusion but i’ll try to come back to this post again later with a clearer mind

2) “big juicy” bracelet you will always be famous @greensolsikke <3

this last week was a tiring experience with many ups and downs but at the same time it was probably the best week of my life so far

i'm getting especially emotional about it all because this whole frenzy concided with my birthday (on the 29th of March). this may sound cringe or what, but on the actual day of my birthday and when everything was over, i was sitting alone on my hotel bed in Milan and was thinking how this last year of my life started in the worst way possible and how it was only escallating towards the worst every single day. during my 26 i reached a new level of low, a bottom lower than the one i had reached when i was 20-21 (and that was a bad bad time). and yes, there were a few times when i was close to ending it all because it was too much. my 26 was pretty much like hell

but now i'm glad i didn't give up and pushed through all the struggles. because if i hadn't, i wouldn't be able to experience last week. i wouldn't be able to see some of my dearest friends again, to meet all the amazing people from here and from twitter, to see one of my favourite bands perform for three nights in-a-row and to listen to all my fave songs of theirs live and even cry my eyes out to some of them (Barve Oceana in Munich, Padam in Milan and Metulji in Padova really were an Experience). can safely say that my 26 ended with a bang and it was a very good one 😌

i'm feeling sad that this is over but at the same time i'm so warm inside and so happy that it happened. and i would do it all over again, especially if it meant meeting you all again or meeting even more of you from in here. i have never felt so welcome by people who technically only knew me as a tumblr user and i never thought this would happen, considering how awkward i am when it comes to interacting with people online and in real life

anyway i think i've talked too much and i'm slowly loosing my train of thought because the thoughts and emotions are so many right now. i just wanna thank each and every single one of you for making the past week so special and one of the best weeks of my life. i'm beyond gratefull 💖

sincerely, the curly head with the meme stickers 🫶

[sceloporus-verycool]

A post about music and writing

It's no secret that writing and music can have a close relationship for people trying to get something typed out. I won't try to make sweeping statements about how people relate to music, as it's probably very individual, so I figured I'd try and explain my own instead.

I don't listen to much music that has lyrics, at least not in English. It's been a funny quirk of mine since childhood. Even today, most of the music I listen to is stuff that is instrumental, or in a language I don't understand. It's not the fault of any music in particular, but lyrics kind of annoy me. It's too direct, somehow. For me, at least, music is about getting my brain to discover new firing patterns, new moods in new contexts to see how they mix together--all vibes and vagaries.

Music prompts me to feel moods that I try to put into words, and things I read prompt moods that make me want to find the music that can put me there, in an immediate way that text doesn't quite hit. In this way, music and writing/reading exist as two complementary but separate regions of my imagination.

While I was writing my own bug lore, I got really into listening to all of the very famous and widely-distributed Le Mystere Des Voix Bulgares albums--Bulgarian Women's Choir, the kind of stuff that if you haven't heard of it, you've probably heard it sampled and remember it vividly all the same. It's that beautiful, in my opinion. Plenty of it wasn't to my taste, though the really well-known pieces are fucking sublime examples of how art can teach you new forms of love. There was a piece that I'd never heard, and it hit me right as I was in the middle of a big culminating moment of a story. https://youtu.be/aFfkI-cWhxU?si=y6B3EPNDQizjlLYd

The mood this piece put in me fit PERFECTLY into the space I'd carved out for it. It's upbeat, uplifting in a way, but not in a way that is entirely comfortable. It's giddy, it's the sound of anticipation, that kind of excitement that brings as much worry as it does euphoria, because you feel it swelling and pressing against the walls of its housing. It's the mood that hits you when you've been speeding up, but you're tipping forward.

I'm gonna put in a bit of what I wrote over a few days while this song was playing in my car EVERY MORNING, just so that I could make that mood solid and crystalline. I used to think that I'd heard this song, and then wrote this part, but that's not true. I may have even written it, and then heard this music and thought "wow that really captures it," but it's pointless to separate them. Like I said before, as these two things exist in my memory, they are separate but dependent, complementary, a mutual feedback loop. When I listen to that music, I see what I saw while I was writing, and when I read this writing, I hear that music.

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It began as a faint humming beneath our legs. The giant's eyes, that had been hidden, were revealed to us. Great sheets peeled back, and for a moment I watched them. The giant was heavy, but its eyes were quick and clever. They were upon me, and they followed my feelers.

I drew closer, with my feelers lowered, for I had learned of its pains and its troubles, and was not hateful. But when I stepped close, the great eyes shrank back, and I was thrown.

Shifting and sliding, the beast's columns were brought upward. Fouled gusts of its breath pumped free as its insides began lifting, and pressing, and carrying. Its columns crashed against the land as the giant put its weight atop them. And yet, despite its size that was larger than any beast of which I had learned, the giant's eyes were upon me and my small sisters. And still, the giant's eyes shrank away, because our count was very large, and so we were joined to be a frightening danger.

The time had come for hunting. The forage was changed. Together we drummed the land, so that all our sisters would hear, and our enemies too. We sang to call those who might hear us to this great changing of our labors.

Come and join us, sisters

A labor has begun

A giant among beasts

A hunt beyond forage

Come and join us, sisters!

This killing will be done!

With a song that brought warmth to our legs and a clearness to our thoughts, we came toward the giant. We found those places that its head upon its long neck could not reach. We slipped between the giant's columns, and climbed them when they crashed beside us. Many were killed, and many more were thrown pathlessly to faraway places. But many more kept to our labor, and soon I was surrounded by many sisters whose scent was all eager. We set our scent, which was strong, against that of the giant, and it was strange indeed to smell my sisters where I should find a beast.

The giant shook, and its columns groaned and cracked as they swung. It was the opposite of what I had learned of climbing. The giant was the land I was climbing, and the land was moving downward. Many sisters who were not so skillful in climbing lost their grip.

I sang to my sisters who were storm-learned,

I am climbing, sisters

I am climbing

Hold the cliffside tightly,

Hold tightly and be carried!

Climb the beast! Climb the beast!

Climb and be above your fear!

I sang it loudly, in the manner that I had learned beside Queen Katak-Sati. My voice was joined by my sisters who were storm-learned. And those who had been their sisters before their storm-learning joined them also, until our song was joined by all who had come to the giant's place.

Sisters, we are climbing!

Sisters, we are hunting!

We sang it together many times. We sang it as we spread across the giant. We rose and covered it as its kind had once covered the land-beast. We sank our jaws into its soft armor, and we could not be removed by any shaking. More sisters climbed those whose jaws were holding tightly. The giant threw its weight forward, and our insides were tossed within our armor also. But we held, and still we climbed.

The giant drove itself against tall rocks, and many of my sisters were crushed. Many more came to where they had been. Beasts fled where the giant crashed between the green. Others were crushed beneath its columns as my sisters had been. Our hunting reached all of Outside, and the giant carried our song to places that our voices had never reached.

We had covered its long trunk. My sisters were around me, and there were few places on its armor that were not bitten. The giant fell to the land three times, and each crash sent the dirt and the dust and the broken pieces of small trees into the air around us.

My sisters reached the giant's head. I looked again at the beast's eyes, and I saw all whiteness there. The pits at their center were very small now, and they were as black moons in a white sky. So many troubles, so many grasping thoughts pulled at my eagerness, to drag it downward. But my jaws had learned of holding tight amid storming thoughts, and so I drove them into the giant's rightmost eye, and it was not a difficult thing, for its eye was softer even than its armor.

Sisters, we are biting!

Sisters, we are killing!

The giant's eye was then flashing, for it was slick and shining. There was a mirror-pool on its surface, and within I could see the Four Tree Colony, for the giant was tall, and only our Four Trees could match its height.

The giant's columns were failing. Its armor was bitten all over, and all of the shifting strength beneath it was clenching to repel us. We held, even as some were squeezed between hateful knots. And the giant, having run pathlessly in pain, had run in a spiral, and then faced the Four Tree Colony.

I have never since heard a sound like that which came from the giant then. From the wide regions beneath its trunk, there was a great sucking. It grew like a softling in its first molt. It built up its power in deep chambers. And when those chambers shrank quickly, the giant made the land-beast tremble. The sky wavered and it shook. Even the Wind God herself was made to flee before the giant's screaming.

The roots of the Four Trees were below, not far away. The giant's weight tipped past the ridge upon which it stood. Its columns were eased, for the Pressing God was carrying the giant down the hill, between the trees that were smaller. I saw a summoning of birds, and for a moment I could not see the Four Tree Colony in the giant's eye, only a screeching curtain of many winged things. All the beasts of ground and sky were called into this great fleeing.

The Four Tree Colony had heard our singing. All the sisters of the First Tree came Outside, followed by the Second Tree, then the Third. I could hear my Queen Katak-Sati when the Fourth Tree joined.

Workers Outside, hear us!

Four Trees, made strong and tall

By long and harsh labors

Will send their strength to you!

The soldiers of the Four Tree Colony were brought. They slow-fell from the top-roots in a singing cloud.

Learn, sisters, you are joined!

Sisters, we are joining!

A hateful giant has come!

It comes to take our lives!

Come now, giant, and take!

In taking, be wounded!

Again the giant roared, to bury our song, as the soldiers also came to join our biting. But joined by so many, there was no wind left to be commanded by any beast. We sang it all, and filled the air with our scent, until I could feel the gathered power of our song and our scent with every gust.

The giant's trunk again inflated. But a third roar did not follow. The giant's leftmost eye slowed, and it had no mirror-pool upon it. The giant's columns dragged against the roots. And over the tended dirt between the Second Tree and the Third Tree, the giant's weight tipped. Its columns crossed, and its breath turned foul. And in a cloud of well-tended dirt, it fell flat against the land-beast, and was still, until we had killed it.

We did not pry our jaws loose from the giant's armor until the last chamber beneath was quiet. We did not speak, nor did we sing. Our thoughts, our scent, and our feelers rose then upwards. The sun watched the completion of our great labor beyond all others, and was silent.

When the stars returned, we did not sleep. We did not sleep-travel. No sister was burdened by a need to share learning that day, for we had all learned the same. We had all climbed, together. We had all made a silence in our thoughts when the giant was killed.

We sang, without words, without scent. We sent our thoughts freely into the sky, so that the moon could gather them. I, my sisters, and our Queens, had completed a great labor, and it was our greatest labor. Every tree that still stood around us, every beast that had not fled, and every God Outside who watched from places unseen and unsmelled, learned of it. It was a scent that was sweeter and fuller than any other, and it would leave a good stain on the dirt between the Trees. Many troubles were left behind, and our thoughts molted and had new shapes.