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luminique · 15 days ago

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Fate, Hollows, Grief and Lighter.

cw // mentions of death, angst, comfort. 4.8k words, not proofread, lighter x gn reader. happy birthday lighter !

You don’t have to be an expert to understand that hollows are confusing. There’s a lot of mystery that goes around them despite the amount of resources that is put into its research. Everyday, it’s some new discovery, some new technology, some new treatment related to them. You told Burnice to switch through the other channels on the mini television at the bar, you didn’t get much of the newer shows in the Outer Ring but you did get the boring news channel.

“Joining us for today’s program is Miss Hoshimi Miyabi from the Hollow Special Operations Section 6. I believe that she needs little to no introduction as your team has been making the rounds online with the most recent case,” a man wearing a black suit, presumably the host, guided the camera over to the thiren next to him with his hand. You’ve seen her before, the proxies that the Sons of Calydon have worked with also mentioned Section 6 as one of their clients. Not everyone can just step into a hollow, even the proxies themselves don’t go in there willingly.

After a moment of silence between the host and Hoshimi Miyabi, the man finally breaks the ice. “Well, we are not here to discuss the controversy; however, there has been a recent discovery regarding the hollows. According to the White Star Institute, your team was able to control Hollow Zero and noticed how time was affected in there. Can you please elaborate on that?” The host was clearly uncomfortable by her quiet demeanor, thinking he’d be interviewing someone who was not as unapproachable as her.

Time, huh? That’s nothing new, even the Tour de Inferno had improved its recording equipment in order to reduce the delay between the inside and outside of the hollow. “Yes, due to its high ether energy, Hollow Zero has the ability to manipulate time, causing us to fight ethereals we had initially already taken down.” The fox thiren finally spoke, her voice was clear and confident, fitting for a chief. The host beamed at her answer, you could see the worry in his eyes when she took a moment to respond to him. “Were there any other anomalies aside from that? The claim coming from the White Star Institute is rather large and I believe that viewers at home would love to hear your experience.”

Lighter notices you staring at the screen intently, it was a rare sight for you to be so engrossed in such a show. He taps the counter a couple of times as he sat on the stool next to you, Burnice immediately understood what that gesture meant. His hand came up to your side, resting it on your hip. “Didn’t know you were into this kind of thing,” his smooth voice cut through your train of thought. You barely even noticed him, finally back from a few small fights but barely even a scratch on his face.

“They’re talking about hollows, those proxy friends of yours should know more about it than this old man on the screen.” you pointed the remote at the screen, not changing the channel though. “My deputy chief, Tsukishiro, found herself reliving a moment from her past relating to another member of my team. Asaba said that he was beginning to see the same ethereal over and over again. For me, on the other hand….” a moment of silence from the young lady as her hands gripped on her neat skirt. “I was able to see other possibilities of my past decisions and how they’d affect my current self.” Her usual commanding voice began to sound slightly weak and shaky yet her expression never faltered.

It slowly clicked in your head. This new discovery was not the simple time manipulation that had been publicly known for years, it was instead a lot more complex. A lot scarier, a lot more complicated and even went into the realm of alternate timelines. Was that even possible? Time travel and theories of alternate timelines have been one of humankind’s biggest questions. Would this not have been found out earlier while researching other hollows? Every smaller hollow around Eridu came from the existence of Hollow Zero, what made those any different?

You turn to look at Lighter, his usual laid back demeanor now mirrored yours. He hadn’t even touched his drink once since Miyabi had spoken. “Now look who’s the one staring at the TV,” you teased as you pushed on his shoulder lightly. His sunglasses slipped down his nose bridge, he cleared his throat as he pushed his shades up. “I just thought it was interesting, nothing more,” he pretended to not show how much that information meant to him.

If you could do it all over again, would you? The opportunity was presented right at him, albeit from a boring show on the TV. Rarely was it ever on this channel, as Burnice would normally choose to have it on some sort of sports or music channel. However, she’d listen to her customer in front of her and on this early evening, it was only you sitting there.

The thought was intriguing, he did have a higher ether aptitude than most. Venturing into hollows alone, with a carrot, wasn’t anything new to him, especially not after the passing of his fallen comrades. He doesn’t know exactly where they were last but he’d often bring flowers to where he found their dog tags, at least he knew they were there at one point. He knew that time worked differently inside the hollows, communication becoming an issue inside and outside of it, but he didn’t know anything more than that was capable.

No, no. He can’t just go into Hollow Zero and come out unscathed like it’s a normal fight. He could live his whole life not knowing what would’ve happened if he had chosen to go with them but the knowledge that he can, at least, see its possibility… that was eating at him. After you had teased him, the idea was still there. Who wouldn’t want to know what happened during that one moment in their life? Who wouldn’t want to know the answer to ‘what if’ and ‘if only’? He shook his head, trying to get rid of the curiosity building up in him.

Cold glass, the refreshing drink that he had gotten accustomed to since joining the Sons of Calydon now tasted bitter. No lollipop in his pocket to distract him from his thoughts. Another harsh swallow, he placed the glass back on the counter. “Do you want another glass? Maybe some Nitro-Fuel instead?” Burnice’s cheerful self was always ready to fill a glass up despite knowing that he doesn’t prefer the taste of Nitro-Fuel on its own. Now though, it sounded just perfect to make him forget this information.

Night time came, the howling winds kept Lighter awake. Usually he would have passed out already from the amount of Nitro-Fuel he drank but for some odd reason, he couldn’t now. It wasn’t odd at all, he knew why he was awake. Haunted by the memories of a not-so-distant past, the voices of his comrades rang in his ears as he got up from his bed. His bright red scarf that contrasted his usual outfit, was now stuffed deeply into his jacket. The soft clinging of the dog tags were now muffled by his scarf, his heavy footsteps making his way out to his bike. The only way to forget is to completely kill a man, erase his memories and the possibilities that he can come up with.

With his past as mercenary leader, getting to Hollow Zero wasn’t a mystery. Many have gone there in hopes of getting rich, finding some sort of ethereal matter, or maybe searching for whatever was left of the person they once were. Dodging a few military bases, back roads and, going through smaller hollows, Lighter found himself right at the edge of Hollow Zero. There were a few close calls on his way here, but nothing a Carrot can’t solve. The convenience of modern technology, able to find the safest route out and predict any new changes in the course of being in the Hollow. If only they could predict the possibility of his friends passing that day.

He parked his bike, brought the little bangboo off his bike and took a deep breath. “Lighter…” He heard the faint whispers of his name as he stepped into the pitch black sphere, the voices sounded oddly familiar to him. An older breathier male voice, a deeper younger male voice, and a reassuring female voice all coming together to call for his name. No, he can’t be hearing things. He was still young and had just entered the hollow. Signs of corruption did not include hallucinations, nor did it include any sort of hearing problems. He ventured deeper into the hollow, bangboo by his side to make sure he’d make his way out.

Ethereals came at him but they were no match, one after another. A swift punch before landing his finishing blows on them, he dusted off the little bits of burnt etheric matter off his shoulders. “Lighter! There you are!” He immediately prepared himself for another fight, quickly looking around for the source of that voice. No ethereal was in sight however, maybe it was paranoia striking him once more. He decided to take a break somewhere off to the side, taking a serum to reduce ether corruption. He closed his eyes, the rubble of the Fallen Eridu surrounding him as he was taken back to his days of a mercenary leader.

He remembers it like it was just yesterday. The smiles on their face, the laughter, the drinks, the bets, everything that your typical mercenary group does. They were his comrades, his friends, his family at the time. He was still new to leading a team, choosing to go for the higher paying jobs in the hollows rather than outside work. He’d come back with a few bruises here and there, getting patched up while trying to split up the money they received. The hands of Dane scruffing Lighter’s hair, or Nick reminding him to stop smoking, or Ratena drinking another pint of Nitro-Fuel with him. He could see and feel those memories so vividly…

“We’ll be heading out now, Boss.” Dane gave a hearty pat on Lighter’s shoulder, a firm goodbye grip to tell him to rest. Lighter chuckled as Dane finally let go,“It still sounds weird…” he added on, believing that such a title isn’t fit for him just yet. “Ratena, you got the med kit ready?” He asked the tomboy-looking female who was always prepared when it came to injuries. Even his now fractured arm was taken care of by her, proving her deep knowledge in the field of first aid. She nodded towards him with a small wave of her supplies in hand, “All ready, Lighter!” Nick gave a weary smile, one that was oddly energetic for a much older man than everyone else in the group.

“Take care, everyone. Remember what we’re going in there for, retrieve the item and receive our cash,” everyone looked towards their leader, Lighter giving them one last reminder before they headed off. All of their dog tags hung around their necks, reflecting the bright sunlight and Lighter’s own reflection. “Be back safely!” Dane’s little sister began waving goodbye as they watched the team head off straight into the hollow. Lighter knew of the dangers that they could face while in there, especially with the lack of a Carrot. Those don’t go for cheap however, good and reliable info about hollows aren’t easy to come by at low prices.

That final goodbye would serve to be his biggest regret in life. A wound that can never be healed no matter the amount of times he went back to the last place he found their tags. He had called out for them and yet no response, shouting into an endless void. What would’ve happened if he had followed them that day, not heeding their advice and sacrificing himself alongside them. Non-existent answers to a question that has ruined a young man of his own mental freedom.

Boss… Kiddo…. Lighter….

Was he going insane again? He opened his eyes, expecting to see nothing just like before but this time, he was outside of his old mercenary camp. A distant woof could be heard as an eager dog ran right up to him, pouncing onto him. ‘What? This… this isn’t right…’ Lighter thought to himself. Was this some sort of deja vu? A dream of some sort? The dog licks Lighter’s face, excitedly panting and sniffing him. This felt a little too real for him, running his hand through its soft fur.

“Lighter! We got another commission today. Gotta go into this hollow, grab this ‘mysterious item’ and they’re paying us big time,” Dane came up behind him and petted the dog, throwing a small ball to allow Lighter to get up. Lighter turned around, seeing the large man with his familiar beanie towering over him. He fell back, not believing what he was seeing. Was he dead? They do say that the brain replays the best moments of one’s life before death, but this seemed less like a memory and more like reality.

This was just the day before their deaths, was this his second chance? “I was able to see other possibilities of my past decisions and how they’d affect my current self,” the fox thiren’s experience now making sense as he looked up at his should-be-dead companion. “U-uh yeah. Dane, sorry but I don’t think we should accept this mission,” Lighter grabbed Dane’s hand, his fractured one still healing in its cast. Dane blinked at his teal-haired leader in confusion, not expecting him to decline such an offer. They walked back into the home, Ratena and Nick coming up to them with big smiles on their faces.

As Ratena tended to Lighter’s fractured arm, they all discussed their plan regarding the new mission. “They said it’s just a box, bring it back safely and then we’ll get paid,” Dane said with lots of enthusiasm, playing around with his little sister. Nick gave a hearty chuckle, petting the dog as he spoke, “It’s not easy, my boy. Look at what happened to Lighter the last time we went into a hollow.” Both men looked over to Lighter, seeing the effects of an ethereal attack and Nick being physically unfit to keep up with the rest of the group. Before Ratena could give her input, Lighter interjected with the knowledge of their future. “I really don’t think we should go. Hollows are dangerous and just like Nick said, ethereals are no joke.” Lighter hoped they would understand him without him needing to explain to them why they shouldn’t go.

Ratena shook her head, “Oh c’mon Lighter, you don’t trust us? We got out safely last time and we made big bucks.” Safely? Was having a fractured arm considered safe? Was bleeding out his side considered safe? “Guys, you can’t be serious.” Lighter was in disbelief, he remembered his initial response in his past. He had agreed wholeheartedly to the offer, thinking that such a huge sum of cash was what they all needed to live better lives. Now with his knowledge, he didn’t want to lose them. Not again, he didn’t want to make the same mistake twice.

“Yeah boss, we know how hard you’re working. You gotta rest up and we’re more than capable of taking down those ethereals.” Dane gave him a wolfish grin, clearly oblivious to why Lighter was so against all of this in the first place. “We’ll leave in the morning, be back by sunset.” Nick had the whole plan laid out on the table, trying his best to reassure their worried leader. Everyone went to their sleeping quarters that night but Lighter couldn’t sleep at all knowing what would happen to them. He laid awake in his cold bed that his body used to find solace in, but now reminded him of the hard shell of a coffin.

Sunlight came streaming through the windows, Lighter was the first to get up, the rest unknown to his lack of sleep. Everything replayed exactly as it did on that fateful day; Dane placing his hand on Lighter’s shoulder, Ratena waving her first aid kit in the air, Nick’s energetic smile that highlighted his wrinkles. He can’t relive this, he can’t let this happen. “W-wait!” They all turned back to him, stopping right in their tracks. Lighter had already told them to take care, what else was there to be said? ‘Don’t die’? ‘Don’t go’? ‘You’ll all die and I won’t be able to find you’? He had recurring nightmares of this exact moment multiple times before this and yet, the words were stuck in his throat. “I’ll miss all of you.” Lighter couldn’t stop them, even if he tried. Fate is cruel in that way, never is it a choice, unable to be changed. As he watched them leave again, tears began to prick his olive eyes. He closed his eyes, trying to blink away those tears but also look away from his regrettable decision.

The sandpaper-like wet and warm muscle went up Lighter’s cheek again. He blinked open his eyes, seeing the familiar sight of yesterday. Was this some sort of hell? A never-ending cycle of living his lifelong burden he carried with him. As expected, Dane’s voice could be heard once more, grabbing Lighter up from the ground and bringing him back into the camp. As expected, they had planned to take up the offer because money is money and they were mercenaries first and foremost.

He was determined this time. If he couldn’t stop them from going, at the very least he had to make sure to go with them. Ever since that day, he had been yearning for death. If Fate won’t change his friends’ passing, maybe it will be kind enough to change his. “I’ll go along,” Lighter’s confident voice cut through their chatter. “But boss, you’re being stretched thin.” “Your condition still isn’t fit for a mission in a hollow.” “Take it from an old man, you deserve the rest, son.” All of them gave their own concerns to Lighter’s suggestion–arguably, it sounded closer to an order rather than a suggestion–but he didn’t want to listen to them. He was adamant, also having his own power as their leader to push himself into this plan. He was willing to do anything, not caring about his injuries. With little to no luck, they accepted his persistence, each slowly heading off to bed to prepare for the early morning.

He had dreamt of this possibility for days, maybe even months. His body was definitely not in the best shape but if he could spend just a few more minutes with his comrades, his limbs could be torn off by an ethereal and he’d still smile through it all. It all played out exactly as his memories, this time he was joining them. As they walked together towards the hollow, Lighter began to feel dizzy. His vision slowly blurred, however his companions continued to walk forward.

“Dane! Nick! Ratena!” Lighter called out to them, yet they didn’t turn around, not even taking a moment to stop. “No, no, no no no no NO-” He tried running towards them but the distance just kept getting further and further. Running infinitely, trying to catch up to them but with his poor condition and slowly darkening eyesight, he couldn’t continue anymore. He came to a stop, looking down to his feet and seeing something shine in the dust. As he bent down, his eyes widened in surprise. It was their dog tags; Dane, Nick, and Ratenna, but there was one more with its name turned over. Lighter Lorenz. His name. How was that possible? His hand immediately went to his neck, searching for his tag that always hung around there. It wasn’t there. That was his dog tag, on the ground, with the rest of his mercenary companions.

He fell to his knees, understanding the possible outcome of this decision he could’ve made back then. Who would have found these if it weren’t him? Who would carry on their stories if he had gone along with them? What does that mean for his current present self? Questions bounced around in his head, holding those dog tags close to his chest. Tears began to trickle down his face once more, sadness being a common emotion at the end of all of these possibilities.

As he blinked away those tears, his surroundings had also changed. His bangboo would’ve notified him if he walked into a fissure so there was no way that he did. The setting sun of the Outer Ring burned his pupils, a scenery that he has become more than accustomed to since joining the Sons of Calydon. He hadn’t made any regretful decisions since joining, so there has got to be a reason that he’s experiencing this random day again.

He heard footsteps coming up behind him, followed by the sounds of feminine laughter. Despite being called the Sons of Calydon, it was a biker gang filled with mainly women. Currently, he is their champion, always winning and never turning down a challenge. They all stood side by side next to him, joking and teasing around with each other. “Caesar! Did you use my makeup again?” Lucy was trying her best to pull the tall green-grey haired woman down to her height. Piper barely kept her eyes open while Burnice was drinking another pint of Nitro-Fuel down as they all watched the sunset together.

“I can always buy you more makeup, Lucy.” Lighter offered, his used to be young voice was now a lot deeper. None of them replied to him though; Caesar and Lucy still argued with each other, Piper was trying her best to stand up straight, Burnice started playing her songs. Was he being intentionally ignored? He remembers this moment, him heading out to Lumina Square and there he met you. His life had fully turned around when he joined the Sons of Calydon, understanding what it meant to be a Champion. Not just theirs, but yours as well. He had people he wanted to protect, disasters he wanted to prevent.

Fate played its tricks on him once more. He had his ‘second chance’, choosing to die alongside his comrades and now he had to ‘live’ as a ghost. Lighter was slowly trying to figure out how Hollow Zero was affecting his memories and ‘fate’. None of this was real–he knew that at least–but he had to admit that it felt real. Would he be satisfied with death? Would he be satisfied with his story not having a proper ending? His movie could be hours long, but after 30 minutes, there would be an abrupt black screen.

‘The aim of all life is death. Only there can we find true peace.’

This wasn’t the peace that he wanted. He craved closure, real end credits to his tragic documentary. If the aim is death, then he’ll live until he’s tired of it. Until his face becomes sore from smiling with you, until his taste buds turn numb with the lingering after notes of Nitro-Fuel, until his eyesight becomes hazy from the bright lights of the city, until his ears start ringing because of everyone’s laughter.

He yearned for death, believing that regret was all he could carry in his heart. Love and companionship changes a person, losing it turns them into a monster. He knows how it feels to have survivor’s guilt, he now knows how it feels to have so much love left to give but ultimately ripped away from him. Care, love, remorse, regret, they all went hand in hand when it came to Lighter, he can’t have one without the other. Tough decisions, bad mistakes but they all ultimately led him to where he was now.

He felt the Outer Ring’s breeze brush his face, a soft and gentle reminder of his new home and his new family.

Lighter opened his eyes once more, a small LED screen with crying eyes were barely inches away from his face. His hand went up to give the little bangboo a pat on the head, making it immediately spring back to life. “Hey, little guy. You think you can get us out of here?” Lighter asked as he slowly pushed himself up, seeing a few ethereals around. The bangboo began running through the hollow, following its Carrot to find the nearest exit out of Hollow Zero.

A couple of punches before swiftly sliding away. His top priority was to get out safely, not to fight every ethereal in his path. This ever changing maze proved to be difficult to navigate, the poor bangboo constantly finding a new route. After winding through the ruins of Old Eridu, they finally made it out of Hollow Zero. Further away from where they initially entered, however nothing too far to walk to. The sun was beginning to rise now, painting the sky in light gold hues. As he drove back to Blazewood, he took in the early morning sights of the Outer Ring. After living in the shadows for so long, he remembers his first purchase since being saved by Big Daddy. He used a little bit of the money to purchase his first and only pair of sunglasses. In order to help him acclimatize to bright life above those fighting rings while helping him with his hemophobia and eye injury, he thought that the shades would be a good start to his new chapter. Everything was a change of pace, including these.

“Lighter! There you are!” He immediately froze up. Those were the same words he heard in the Hollow. Was he still in there? He got off his bike and turned around slowly, preparing himself to see nothing again. “Where were you? I was worried sick last night when I went over to your room and you didn’t respond.” Your concerned voice put him at ease as he looked at you. “Uh um… my bad. Just… wanted to go for a late night drive,” his voice was shaky, hoping you wouldn’t see through his lie. Your brows furrowed as you looked him up and down, he felt as though he should just die because of your intense gaze. “Without me?? Next time I go to Lumina Square, I am not buying you the super pack of lollipops,” you teased him. He let out the biggest sigh of relief, for once not worrying about whether he’d get his favorite grape-flavored lollipop.

He removed his glove off of his hand and brought it up the side of your face. Your soft skin under his calloused hands, this felt like his true reality. He could see the way you scrunched up your nose, your eyebrows raised as he began caressing your cheek. “I missed you,” he whispered out, just loud enough for you to hear. It was still early in the morning, not as many people out just yet so he could allow himself this vulnerability for just a moment. Especially after realizing the possibility of never seeing you again, never seeing the girls again, he doesn’t know if he’s ready to go just yet. “What are you saying? Did you hit your head on a cactus?” Your hand went up to his, cupping it against your face as you nuzzled into him. He couldn’t give this up, never in his wildest dreams could he imagine a decision better than what he made back then.

“I just thought I should tell you. I lo-“ just as he was about to finish his words, Piper comes up in Steeltusk, parking the truck right next to the both of you. “You youngsters are so energetic these days…” She commented as she filled up the truck with some fuel, chuckling to herself. Both of you turned a little red, Lighter especially. Everyone knew of your relationship and yet it was still a little embarrassing to be so outwardly in love with each other. Lighter cleared his throat, thinking that Piper was still the same as she was in his memories. The rest of the girls were probably still asleep but this was all he needed to confirm that he was indeed out of that damned hollow.

With your hand in his, he knew what was waiting for him at the end of his life. The Sons of Calydon that he sworn to always win for, his mercenary comrades that haunts him every night, the friends he had made through the Tour de Inferno, and his love that was willing to be with him through it all. Fate is unfair, humans do not have the power to change what has already been decided. However, being human means having the power to live your life to its fullest, accepting what fate has in store and learning from it. Lighter will carry his regrets and burdens with him, over into the afterlife and even when all he becomes is a humble cactus to poke you.

#lumiwrites ˚✧₊⁎☆#lighter zzz #lighter lorenz #zzz lighter #lighter zenless zone zero #zenless zone zero lighter #lighter angst #lighter comfort #lighter x reader #lighter x gn reader #zenlezz zone zero #zenless zone zero fics #my longest post to date #quite proud of this #but still believing that i could have done this better #happy birthday lighter #lighter x you #he deserves a big hug actually #sobbing crying i hope yall like this

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butterflywingswrites · 4 days ago

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reposting all my anon fics in one place. enjoy 🤗

giving caitlin a massage on vacation part 1

caitlin flopped down in the middle of the bed. yes one bed with your hot friend you have a crush on is probably not the best idea but the hotel was already expensive and you refused to let caitlin pay for everything like she insisted

“i can’t believe this fancy hotel doesn’t have massages. i swear it said they had on the website” caitlin sighed, she was really looking forward to the post-plane massage

“i’ll give you a massage”

“right now?” you were surprised that she was taking you up on your offer, shes normally very reserved

“yeah. take your clothes off” you paused “i think that’s how massages are supposed to be done”

you averted your eyes as she took her clothes off in an attempt to be respectful of your friendship. you were both single. she knew you were bi and you knew she was ‘sexually open’ (but didn’t speak on it publicly because she didn’t need people knowing her private business) so it’s not out of the realm of possibility that you could hook up this week but she’s never responded to your flirting in a manner other than friendly, so you wanted to respect her boundaries

“on my back or on my front?” she kept her underwear and bra on. there’s the reserved caitlin you knew

“i’ll get your shoulders first. lie down on your stomach” you allowed yourself to look at her body as she laid down. you’re a thighs girl through and through but those arms and abs are impossible to ignore. caitlin surprised you by unhooking her bra, lifting her chest a bit, lowering the straps off her arms, and throwing her bra off the bed. but you weren’t going to complain about a pretty girl taking her bra off in front of you. you placed your legs over her hips to get in a good position and started to massage her shoulders. she let out a loud satisfied groan. fuck. you were already wet one second in

“i’m so tense i really needed this” you continued to work on her strong shoulders while trying to contain your arousal. the soft moans and sweet whimpers she made were insanely hot and it was already difficult to focus. you moved down to her back. you didn’t want to make her uncomfortable so you kept your hands away from her side boob. she seemed to sense your hesitancy

“just really manhandle me. go as hard as you can” you placed your hands on her back and let your fingers graze her side boob. she didn’t object so you continued to work on her back. again with the soft moans and sweet whimpers. as you got to the bottom of her back, you considered whether you should massage over or under her underwear. you decided over just to make sure she was comfortable. she squeaked when you put your hands on her ass

“is this ok?”

“yeah of course. i was just a little surprised. keep going. please” the bit of desperation in her voice turned you on even more. you continued to work on her ass as you scooted down her body to get in a better position. you breathe in a little as you finally put your hands on her thighs. they’re so muscular and would look amazing on top of your shoulders. you pulled her legs apart to get more leverage and you couldn’t help but notice there was a wet spot on her underwear. fuck. you smiled to yourself. if the only thing that happens between you and caitlin is that you made her wet by having your hands all over her, you would be happy with that. more soft moans and sweet whimpers. you held back your own moans as you, a thigh girl, massaged the most gorgeous girl’s gorgeous thighs. you took your time on her thighs, you were enjoying yourself and she’ll stop you when she’s ready. the moans became less soft and caitlin eventually put her hands on yours to stop their movements

“can you do my front now?” she sounded a little desperate as if she was trying hard not to expose that she was turned on

“yeah. turn over” she turned over, exposing her tits and abs to you. you quickly put your eyes on her pretty face so she wouldn’t see you taking in her body. she put her hands up to cover her chest. you smoothed her shiny hair down and examined her flushed cheeks. she looked amazing under you and you could easily see yourself being on top of her again and again

“is this helping you? are you less tense now?” you had to say something so you wouldn’t kiss her and potentially make things weird

“yes this feels amazing”

“let me get your tits” you said as you pushed some stray hair behind her ear “you’ve been working so hard all season, you deserve a full body massage”

“nah you can skip them. they’re small they don’t need any attention”

“small and cute and perfect. they deserve all the attention” she rolled her eyes but gave you a cute little smile. you moved your hands from her beautiful face down to her chest, nudging her hands off her tits and replacing them with yours. you massaged her tits and rubbed your thumbs over her nipples. her eyes closed and her mouth opened slightly. you could see her damn tongue that she was always sticking out but never putting it where it belongs (your mouth). soft moans and sweet whimpers left her mouth again. eventually you moved your hands off her tits and down her abs. they were so tight and toned she must do crunches constantly. your looked up at her face. she seemed to be enjoying herself so you decided to be brave and dip your fingers below her underwear waistline as you rubbed your thumb in circles around her bellybutton. she raised her eyebrows but didn’t object to your hand placement. you took your hand out of her underwear and once again separated her legs. did the wet spot get bigger? fuck. instead of starting at the top of her thighs, you decided to tease her and start at her knee.

you put both of your hands on her right thigh, massaging up as slowly as possible. god her legs are stunning. the higher your hands got the louder her moans got. when you eventually got to the top of her thigh you slowed down even more and ‘accidentally’ grazed the wet spot with your fingers. she let out a particularly loud moan so you moved your hands to just above her left knee. you laughed a little to yourself at her frustrated face and obvious irritation but you knew the payoff to the teasing would be worth it. as you moved your hands up her thigh as slow as possible, her soft moans got louder and her sweet whimpers became more needy. you once again ‘accidentally’ grazed the wet spot when you got to the top of her thigh. she let out a long moan and made a face that was clear she was thinking. you ran your fingers over the wet spot again. she grabbed your hands with her right hand and the back of your neck with her left hand. she pulled you down to her with her left hand and finally puts her tongue where it belongs (your mouth)

#caitlin clark #caitlin clark x reader #caitlin clark smut

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seeingivy · 1 year ago

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the beach

actor!eren x f!reader

**part of my method acting fic

an: 14k. buckle in. song mentioned is sparks by coldplay!

previous part linked here

to sukuna’s mother

eren: we’ll be there at five am.

lana: OH ITS HAPPENING

sukuna: did she slap you?

lana: DID SHE KISS YOU?

eren: she cried a bunch while watching it. and she hasn’t said much…she’s just been staring out the window of the airplane blankly

lana: oh that’s not-

sukuna: AHAHAHAHAH

lana: well, anyways. we’ll wake up for you.

sukuna: she’ll be fast asleep. i will wake up for you.

eren liked a message

The second Eren closes his phone, he looks to his left to find your pink, teary eyes looking at him and immediately pales. Your eyes are positively red at this point, an itchiness settling in his throat at the sight of it.

“I’m sorry. Did you say something?” he asks.

“No.” you murmur.

Eren pauses.

“Did you want to say something?” he asks.

He watches you pause, almost like you’re mulling over the question. He supposes that it was quite stupid for him to ask, because if it were him in your spot, he probably would have talked your ear off for every little detail.

“You can ask me anything you want. I’ll tell you the truth, I promise.” Eren adds.

You give him a halfhearted nod, before looking back out at the window, at the little lights glittering amidst the clouds beneath. It’s like being asked to pick up each grain of sand on a vast, mile long beach. Almost impossible.

“I don’t even know where to start, Eren.” you murmur.

Eren gives you an understanding nod before yanking out his laptop before setting it flat in your lap. You swallow hard, knowing fully where he thinks you should begin. With that USB that’s been burning in your pocket, ever since he handed it back to you at the house.

Of Eren’s interview, on the Life in Love podcast.

Eren leans into your space, handing you one of the earphones that you settle into your ear, as you press the little play button at the bottom of the screen. The video starts - Eren and Lana sitting with the chunky headphones on their ears - with the interviewer sitting in between them.

“We’ll start with you, Eren. Have you ever been in love?” the interviewer asks.

You watch as Eren’s face splits into a bright smile, surely one that was echoed on your face too the day after the beach, as you feel a twinge in your chest. That whenever you saw clips of the interview, they filled you with such intense, deep rooted hatred for Eren that all you saw was red.

And that he didn’t even deserve one fraction of it.

“Yes. Of course, I have.” he responds.

“The person that you’re most associated with, Eren, is your co-star, Y/N L/N, from Attack on Titan. Can you comment on that, on what it’s like to have your first love be something so public?” the interviewer asks.

Eren sighs, before he leans back in his chair.

“First love is a funny way to describe it, when it almost feels like it’s more than that? I know a lot of people like to assume things and we’ve never said it publicly, but we did date. Obviously. She’s basically been scored on my heart since the second I met her in my chemistry read, but we ended up officially dating around season three of Attack on Titan. But it’s almost like that concept or notion is too trivial to explain what I even felt for her. She was never just my girlfriend or just my best friend.”

“Was it one of those…acting became too real situations?” the interviewer asks.

“I guess that you could say that. We had originally started, I guess, thinking that way when we started doing our character work. It was a whole thing we did together, while we were filming Attack on Titan. Method acting. The reason Y/N and I act so well in Attack on Titan, and win awards from it, is because we had started doing it outside of it too.” Eren responds.

“Can you elaborate?” the interviewer asks.

“We had started by kind of putting ourselves in that headspace, off of the set, in order to feel more connected to our characters, their relationship together. I think one of the things about Attack on Titan that makes it so compelling is the fact that my co-stars and myself, not to pat myself on the back, put time and effort into translating our characters into something that is real for us.” Eren states.

“It’s also something that you kind of just possess as an actor with certain co-stars. Some movies, like rom-coms or drama pieces, just function and work so well because you have that chemistry with the person whose on the other side. And make no mistake, Eren and Y/N aren’t short of any chemistry themselves.” Lana responds.

“What it is about her that struck you really differently, Eren? Clearly the two of you have a special relationship that you haven’t really been able to replicate else place, certainly not with Hyla Clarkson, for example? I mean, if you’re comfortable, you can share what you told me before you we started recording.” the interviewer states.

A searing, red hot anger flares through you, at how friendly, how approachable the interviewer seems. The fact that they’re purposely trying to make him feel safe, just to later edit the words as they see fit.

“Make no mistake, what I have with Hyla Clarkson is like that thing thing that Y/N had with Ricky James. We all have managers, we all get asked to do things that we don’t exactly want to do. I guess that’s the part that people don’t really understand, when they find out about PR relationships. That it seems so morally wrong. But we’re all actors, we’re all part of the entertainment industry - it’s almost like it’s part of the job to do these types of thing. And at that point, Y/N and I weren’t dating and I have strict managers, so…” Eren states.

“Are you saying that your relationship with Hyla Clarkson wasn’t real?” the interviewer asks.

“The first time she kissed him he threw up on the other side of a yacht. Do you think his relationship with her is real?” Lana asks, earning a laugh from the two of them.

“It’s kind of hard to wrap your head around. But we do these things, pretend a little. It’s basically like we’re acting all the time. None of that chemistry, or that character is there. I don’t even think I could ever really like her like that. And it’s not like the relationship I have with Y/N. You asked me why she was different than everyone else? It’s easy. I’ve never met anyone else like her. I’ve never had a relationship like the one I’ve had with anyone else.”

Eren sighs, nervously knitting his fingers togther, before he talks again.

“I grew up with this backdrop, of this really fractured relationship with my brother. I was always told as a kid that my family, that the people around me who were real, were the things that were going to keep me tethered to my real life. That if I choose to do this, that I’ll be in the public eye, that people will say things, and it’ll be on me to build trust. To choose the right people.” Eren starts.

“It was already so jarring to feel like I couldn’t trust my own brother, that my only family didn’t want me. And Y/N…she just kind of walked into my life and there was something so earnest about her. She felt like family basically the second, or third time I had talked to her. She was just something so real. And I’m not sure if it’s because she had a normal childhood, if she came into this on her own or what, but she always got to give me that dose of reality, of realness that I had always craved.” he continues.

“She was really gentle with me. Always quick to wipe my tears away, to give me support, that felt more full and honest than anyone else. Some part of her made me feel like a real person. I’d always be in my own head, convincing myself that I was made up sometimes, that my feelings were manufactured, that I was just putting on a front for everyone, but I never really felt that way with her. She’s always seen past that, always seen me, in our relationship. Even when we were just friends.” Eren finishes.

“And that’s just a quality that she naturally possesses. The first time she met me, she basically had no reason to have any trust, to have any good conviction of me. But by the end of the third or fourth day I knew her, I basically felt like the girl had seen right through me. All the way down to my core. And of course, all she saw was good. That’s how she is. I think for people like Eren and I, who naturally think so rotten of ourselves, someone like Y/N, whose so determined in how she shows her love, you almost….start to love yourself too. It’s not something that’s isolated to her, but it’s definitely something rare. People like Y/N and like Marco Bodt…that type of thing is just a part of them.” Lana states.

“That’s wonderful to hear, especially from you. Y/N has an interesting track record with her own friends, like Historia and Jean and Mikasa that many people have pointed out before. That there’s a part of her that’s conniving, that she uses those around her to get to the top. Is that ever something you’ve noticed, Lana? Especially as someone who would be in competition with her, as a singer-songwriter yourself.”

“Absolutely not. I think she has drive and ambition and I think that people confuse that with being conniving or competitive. Her existence means that people are going to put her against me or Historia, but that’s just because we’re women. That has nothing to do with something that’s isolated to Y/N and more with people who are just shitty and can’t see two women succeed at once.” Lana states.

“She’s very focused on her craft - any role, any song she writes - they’re so deeply personal and authentic. That’s why she is so successful, why people covet after her so bad. I don’t consider myself to be in competition with her at all. And if I actually thought I was, I don’t think I would even last a day.” Lana continues.

“That’s something I’ve always admired about her. You’re in competition - and people are putting you there, against people you love - and you have that thing you really want, you’ll do anything to get it. There’s a mentality that people get about it. There’s only one person who ends up on a pedestal and if you have to kick people off to get there, that’s what it is. But she never, ever, put her own friends at stake in ways that she could to do that. I mean all of those rumors about Historia were coming out and she wrote dorothea of all songs, about how important their relationship is always going to be her.” Eren states.

“You have to hold onto those type of people around you, in this type of industry, when you find them.” Lana states.

“Good thing for me, then. I never intend to let go.” Eren adds.

The interviewer smiles, turning to the camera, before talking again.

“Eren’s prepared a song for us, his first in a while, that he’s going to perform for us live. What’s the song called, Eren?”

“Sparks.”

“Any hints to what it’s about?”

“It’s quite obvious.” Eren responds.

Lana starts strumming on the guitar, as Eren sings and those godawful tears of yours return. You loop your arm through Eren’s free one on your side, entirely jarred by how calm Eren is watching the interview. At how he’s not a mess, a ruin, like you are at seeing this.

My heart is yours It's you that I hold on to Yeah, that's what I do

And I know, I was wrong But I won't let you down Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I will, yes, I will

Yeah, I saw sparks Yeah, I saw sparks And I saw sparks

The video ends, as you wipe the wetness away on your cheeks and look over at Eren on your side. You lean your head on Eren’s shoulder, unable to look at his piercing green eyes, as he returns the favor and leans his head on top of yours. You try to figure out how to broach it - this big mess of questions in your head - but it seems that Eren saves you from figuring that out and talks first.

“You said the other day on set you wanted to know why I want on that podcast and said what I did. You wanted to know if I still cared about you…do you know now?” Eren asks, his words so slow and careful.

“Is it idiot day?” you ask.

“Huh?”

“Is it idiot day? Do you really think I’m still sitting here being mad at you? You….”

You reach forward to cup the side of his face, brushing the softness on his cheek.

“I have a hundred things I have to say to you. I-I don’t want to speak wrong. Can you give me a second?” you ask.

Eren smiles, lifting his hand to place it over where yours is on his cheek.

“I made you wait like…three years. I think I can wait a second for you, Margaret.” Eren whispers.

You frown, nodding as Eren places his hand on your head and leans it back onto his shoulder.

“Thanks, Bruce.” you murmur back.

“Go to sleep. I’ll wake you up when we’re there.” Eren repsonds.

It’s only when the two of you are walking up the cobblestone path, barely illuminated by the light of the rising sun, that you realize that Eren’s brought you back to the same beach house that the two of you had visited before.

In the past twenty four hours (the ones you’ve been awake for anyways), the only thing that seems to be replaying in your mind is that night. Because every action of Eren’s that you’ve doubted seems painfully obvious now. The song he wrote, the way he insisted that the two of you were real people, only together.

That Eren gave you so many signs. And that you didn’t know how to read them.

The salty air stings at your nose as Eren pulls up the mat, pocketing the key placed under it, and giving you a smile.

“Isn’t that really dangerous? To keep a key under their mat when they live so…out in the open?” you ask.

“Sukuna put it there for me. And no one knows they live here. This is technically Lana’s brother’s house, so they never really suspected it.” Eren offers, shoving the key into the lock as he twists the knob open.

You and Eren quietly set your bags by the door, making it a point to tip toe in the early hours of the morning only to pad into the main room to find Lana standing near the counter, cracking eggs into the bowl.

“Oh my god! Don’t tell me that Lana No Middle Name Price is awake at a normal hour of the day?” Eren deadpans, giving her a jeering smile as she all but drops her little spatula and runs over to hug him.

You watch the two of them, the way Eren seems more calm in his demeanour now, as the two of them lean against the counter and talk. His shoulders are more relaxed, the softest of smiles on his face while Lana looks unlike you’ve ever seen her.

Her hair is extremely short, barely secured into a ponytail at the back of her neck with a pink ribbon. But even more than that, it’s something about her smile, the way her eyes are glimmering that it fills that gaping hole that’s been burning in your chest with the smallest warmth as you watch the two of them.

“Sukuna’s going to get mad when you burn those cookies.” Eren states.

“I’m not going to burn the cookies, Eren. That was one time.” she responds.

“You almost fed your son a carcinogen. And burned the house down. Also, we all inhaled a lot of smoke so you probably ruined our lungs for all we know-”

Lana lightly smacks him straight across the face, as he laughs and immediately swats her hands off. The two of them continue that way - pushing and shoving each other like siblings - until Lana pushes Eren a little bit too hard and he backs up into you.

Eren immediately looks back, his hands on your shoulders as he stables your wobble, and you shoot him a grateful smile. It’s only then that Lana notices you standing there, at the front of her little kitchen, and you shoot her a smile.

Lana’s quick to run to your side and give you a hug - the pressure on your body so tight that you can feel her squeezing that little burden of hurt that’s been sitting in your chest. Lana makes no move to let go, as you quickly deflate into her arms and start sniffling into her shoulder, immediate warm tears sparking in your eyes as her hands rub circles into your back.

“We’ll talk, Tinky Winky. About all of it, okay?” she whispers.

You give her a nod, as you wipe the tears from your eyes. You follow the two of them into the kitchen, as Lana continues to roll the little cookies into circular shapes.

“Eren. Go away.” Lana states.

“Wow. Is this how you repay me? After I take care of your son?”

“He is your godson. You should be happy to take care of him. And they just left for their walk not that long ago, you can catch up.” Lana states.

“Sukuna is a speedwalker. They’re probably long gone.” Eren whines.

“Eren. Respectfully, get out of my house. Go sit on the beach and stare at the water like the little freak that you are and let me talk to Y/N in private.” Lana states.

“I do not-!”

“Yes, you do. Y/N, I swear to god, he sat out there everyday and we had to drag him back in like we were pulling an anchor out of the sea. Now get out.” Lana states.

Eren sticks his tongue out, before shooting you a warm smile and padding out onto the sand. You stick your hand into the bowl, rolling the cookies into little circles with her as you give her a smile.

“Cute ribbon.” you murmur.

“I wore it for you. A Y/N classique.” Lana responds.

You smile in response, as the two of you continue to roll the batter and decide what you want to talk about first. And just like Eren, she bites the bullet for you first.

“Sukuna’s here. He’s just on a walk right now with Teddy.”

You smile to yourself, the thought of it filling you with an immense amount of joy.

“Do they do that often?”

“Every day. Teddy’s quite the insomniac and wakes up extremely early. Sukuna lets me sleep in a little and takes him on a little walk along the beach. Says that they need their father son bonding time.” she muses.

“I remember that about him. Theodore or Teddy, I mean. When Eren brought me here, in the dead of night, he was awake. With your brother, making cookies.”

She smiles, setting the little tray in the oven, as she gestures for you to follow her onto the couch.

“Theodore, huh? Eren did tell me he had quite the crush on you back then.” Lana states.

“Huh?”

“He doesn’t really go by Theodore. Eren and I call him Teddy and Sukuna calls him Theo, but…Theodore just feels a little bit too formal. He only uses it for really important people. Like you. And when he starts talking to Elsa on the TV screen.”

“I’m glad I’m keeping such important company.” you respond.

You laugh, hiking your knees to your chest as you decide to bite the bullet full on.

“Lana….Ricky isn’t in his life, right?” you whisper.

She gives you a nod, placing one of her hands on yours, as she gives you a warm smile.

“No. Thankfully, he’s never even met Teddy. And he’s not going to.”

“Does he know about him?” you ask.

“Yeah. I had told him, a few weeks after it happened. When I started showing. And you know how he is…he wanted me to have an abortion and be done with it. But I…I couldn’t go through with it.” Lana states.

She sighs, cracking her knuckles.

“I know it seems weird. I really do hate Ricky, everything about him, but Teddy isn’t really…his in my mind. And-”

“He’s your son. And Sukuna’s. I wasn’t even thinking that. And…and even if I was, you don’t need to explain yourself to me of all people.” you respond.

Lana scoots closer to you on the couch, as she leans her head on your shoulder and you place yours on top of hers.

“I kind of saw it as my way out for some time. LIke, I was so deep in with everything and all the people that we were working with. It would have never been acceptable to take a break, not unless I had to take one. And I’m not saying that I had him because I wanted to get away from work, but to me…it just kind of felt like a sign. I got to crank the brakes.”

“I’m sure it was good for you, in ways that you might not even know about yet.”

“I think he saved my life, Y/N. I was so deep in that shitty, self-absorbed bubble of the industry and how it is and he just…reminded me other things were more important. He took his first steps and he’s learning how to play the piano…his entire world is confined to what movie we’re going to play after lunch. Who's going to tuck him into bed at night. That’s how life should be. And that’s always how I wanted mine to look. Soft, calm.”

You smile, squeezing one of her hands interlocked with yours. At the thought of Lana, wishing for this exact future when she was a kid, only to have it now. That she fought nail and tooh for it, but still got to have it.

“I would have told you about Teddy. About everything. But I wanted to keep it as under wraps as I could and-” she starts.

“You are entitled to share your secrets with whoever you want. You don’t owe anything to me.” you state.

“I know. But just know, it’s not because I didn’t trust you. You mean the world to me, in more ways than you could ever possibly know.” Lana states.

You shake your head dismissively, as she quickly brushes you off.

“No, really. Eren and I…I know it can be really hard to understand why we did what we did. Why we kept so much but from you. But we grew up in this type of thing. It seems difficult to confront these things head on, when they’re basically what your whole lives have revolved around.” Lana states.

“I get that. But…you guys seem fine doing it now? Especially with the documentary and all, I guess I just…wish I knew earlier. Could have helped you both to this point sooner. I feel shitty because you did it all on your own and you didn’t have to.”

Lana smiles.

“You know we only did that because of you, right? The documentary.”

“You mean Eren.”

“No. I mean Connie. Me. Sukuna, even. And you know how…private he is. But we did it because of you. You’ve always reminded us, in your own ways, not to take shit from people. And at this point, we don’t really have anything to lose. Only things to gain. Like you back in our life. Control over our lives again.”

“You guys are building me up into this big thing I’m not. I hid out for two years because I was too scared to confront everything. I ignored all of you because it was easy for me to do. I’m far from this big..confrontational person you think I am. And I’m definitely not as good of a friend or supporter to you all like you think I am.” you murmur.

“Or…you just think too little of yourself. You went through something big, traumatic even. So did we. It’s no shit that Eren was special to you, so of course the loss of him was going to be big. And you also had your fucking life’s work stolen from you, which is nothing small, Y/N.”

“I guess.”

“One of the biggest, most important things that Eren has taught me was having grace. Don’t ever tell him that because you already know how big his fucking head is. But…there’s a lot of patience that you have to have with yourself to get yourself out of that headspace. I lived there for years. And it is so not feasible for you, Y/N. At the end of the day, you’re still someone in our lives whose stood for the right things. And you still have that impact, even if you feel like that’s not what you’re doing right now. You don’t always have to be one thing to be the same person. Who you are, who you’ve always been, won’t ever change.”

You swallow hard.

“So you missed a few days? There’s another one tomorrow, Y/N. You lost a few years with Eren? That doesn’t matter because he’s still always going to be there for you.” Lana states.

You give her a nod, embarrassed that she’s read so quickly through you when it comes to Eren, as you pinch a smile for her.

“Just like the moons and the suns, with the certainty of the tides, just like hope springing high, still you’ll rise.” Lana states.

Eren’s words from the beach.

“Maya Angelou. Eren’s told me that one before.”

Lana smiles, rolling her eyes.

“He’s cheesy. But it doesn’t make it any less true.”

You wrap your arms around her, sighing into her shoulder, as she hugs you hard.

“I’m really proud of you for owning it all. I hope that you get to drag Ricky’s name through the mud. For good this time.” you respond.

“A girl can hope.”

“And hank you, Lana.”

She tilts her head in confusion.

“You took care of Eren when I couldn’t. I won’t exactly be able to repay you for that.” you murmur.

“Consider yourself repaid. You did the same for Sukuna before I knew him.”

You scoff.

“As if. Sukuna and I are nowhere near how you and Eren are.”

She shakes her head dismissively, as she hops up on her feet and drags you by the arm to the hallway. The walls are littered in little frames, each little photo sweet little memories.

There’s pictures of Lana, Sukuna, and Teddy on the beach and of Eren sitting at the piano with Teddy in his lap. Of Lana and Eren fast asleep on the couch and of Sukuna and Yuuji pulling each other’s cheeks as kids. And the last one in the row is of you and Sukuna, cheesing on the set of Ten Things I Hate About You.

“It might not feel that way to you, but you’re his best friend. He’s told me that you were one of the first people - to meet him and treat him like a person. It’s no shit that everyone hated him when he was sixteen, but you were the one to extend your hand to him and be friends. Means a lot more to him than you think.” she murmurs.

You give her a nod, as the two of you shuffle back into the kitchen and take the little tray of cookies out of the oven. You nicely plate them all onto the platter and turn around to wash your hands, as Sukuna, Teddy, and Eren pad back into the kitchen.

“Ryomen Sukuna, if you track sand into my house again, I’m sending you right back out and you’re staying there for a few days.” Lana warns.

You turn around to find Sukuna giving Lana an eye roll, as he leans forward and presses a kiss to her cheek. His arm is still secured around her as he faces the platter of cookies.

“Lana Price. Did you bake something without setting the house on fire?” Sukuna asks.

“Yes. I’m not incompetent, you know?” Lana responds, trying to shove him off.

“Right. Making ready-made cookies is such a difficult task. Quite the feat if you ask me.”

“It is! You have no idea.” she deadpans back, as Teddy runs up to hug her legs and she lifts him straight into her arms.

Teddy reachs for the little ribbon in her hair immediately, twisting it in his little hands as he yanks it out of her hair.

“Teddy, tell your dad he’s being very rude. And that I’m a very good cook.” Lana states.

“Mommy. You almost made a car engine.” Teddy responds.

“Buddy. It’s carcinogen. Car-sin-o-gen.” Eren repeats, annunciating every syllable.

“Eren, quit teaching my kid bad words. You’re a horrible influence. And Y/N was watching me while I made them so…” Lana murmurs, pressing a kiss to Teddy’s cheek before setting him back on the floor and letting him run up in between Eren’s legs.

Eren gives you a smile from your little vantage point near the sink, as he gestures for you to come closer to him. You follow and crouch down to where Eren - and Teddy - are standing as Teddy nervously peeks at you from behind Eren’s back.

“Okay, bud. This is my pretty friend, Y/N. Can you say hi?” he asks.

Teddy’s cheeks turn bright red, as he nervously toussles his hair, before extending his little hand to you.

“My name is Theodore Price. My mommy calls me Teddy. And Eren. And my dad calls me Theo. And the mailman always calls me kid.” Teddy rambles.

You fight the urge to laugh, at how cute he is, as you smile at him.

“Well, it’s very nice to meet you. I’m Y/N.” you respond, shaking his little hand as you watch a little smile spread across his face.

You look up to find Sukuna making eye contact with Lana, mouthing Theodore? as Lana shakes her head dimissively at him. You give Sukuna a smile, which he actually returns, before you focus back on Teddy.

“I have a gift for you.” Teddy states.

“For me? On your birthday?” you ask.

“I didn’t buy it so it doesn’t actually count.” he responds.

“Sound logic, my friend. What is it?” you ask.

“You have to close your eyes and put your hands out.”

You look up at Eren, giving him a disbelieving look, as he gestures for you to follow. You close your eyes and cup your hands out to the two of them, as you hear Eren laugh.

“Okay. You can open them now.” Teddy states.

You open your eyes to find a pink ribbon in your hand, specifically the one that Teddy just snagged from Lana’s hair, as you hear Sukuna and Eren laugh. You smile hard, twisting it in your hands.

“Thank you, Teddy. That’s very kind of you.” you respond, giving him a smile.

He returns the favor, his cheeks bright pink, as he runs up behind Sukuna’s legs and burrows his face into the fabric of his pants. You and Eren stand back up, as Eren leans into your space and whispers.

“He still has a crush on you.” Eren states.

“He’s a baby, Eren.”

“You’re so rude. Babies aren’t capable of love?”

“Well, you’re standing right here so that’s obviously not true.” you deadpan.

“Haha. Now give it.” Eren states, holding his hand out to you.

“Give you what?”

“The ribbon, dingus.” Eren responds.

“Actually, Eren. He gave it to me. Maybe if you were cuter, he’d give it to you.”

“Okay, Megamind. Don’t get a big head now. I was just going to put it on for you.” Eren responds.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.”

You place the little pink ribbon in Eren’s hands, as he gestures for you to turn around. He’s quick to secure the ribbon into the little ponytail in your hair, giving your head a little pat when he’s finished.

“So cute.” Eren says, sarcastically.

“Shut up. I’m adorable.” you respond.

Eren smiles.

“Yes, you are.” he responds, zero hint of sarcasm in his voice.

Sukuna gives Eren a nod, as the two of them switch spots, and he takes your side. You get to take Sukuna in full this time, at the little smile wrinkles near his eyes and the salty, beach smell that seems to emanate off of him.

“Y/N L/N. Are you finally gracing us with your presence?” Sukuna asks.

“Father Sukuna. I think I am.” you respond, placing your hands on your hips.

Sukuna smiles, reaching forward to mess with your hair.

“You and I are going to talk after breakfast. And that’s only because Lana will burn our house down if I leave her alone to it.” Sukuna states.

“Deal.” you respond, smiling at him.

You and Sukuna settle down onto the little patio, the waves of the ocean crashing against the sand in front of you. He sets the little plates in front of the two of you, giving you a smile, as you both lean back in your chairs.

“Pumpkin pie?” you ask.

“You want some?” Sukuna asks.

“Sure.”

And then Sukuna lifts the plate and immediately smashes the pie into your face. It’s cold and squishy, as you quickly smear it out of your eyes just to glare at him.

“Eren! Bring Y/N a towel. And another slice of pie.” Sukuna states.

Eren sticks his head out of the screen door, widened eyes at the state of you.

“What happened?” Eren asks.

“She fell into the pie. She’s always been such a clutz.” Sukuna states.

“Into the pie? On the plate?” Eren asks.

“Yes.” Sukuna responds.

Eren gives the two of you a weird look, as he shuffles back into the house and returns with a towel. You wipe all of the filling off of your face before hitting Sukuna straight in the face with the towel and crossing your arms.

“Is it asshole day, Sukuna?”

“That’s rich coming from you. I’m the asshole?” Sukuna asks.

“You just smashed a pie into my face.”

“And you didn’t return my calls for two years.” Sukuna responds, glaring.

You sigh, leaning back in the chair, as you look at him.

“Make no mistake, Y/N. I’m not Eren and I’m not Mikasa. I’m not going to beat around the bush just for you.” Sukuna states.

“Thanks, Sukuna. I can always count on you to support me.” you deadpan.

Sukuna stops in his tracks, before swallowing hard.

“Lana told me to be nice to you.” he states.

“You don’t have to be. Whatever it is you’re feeling…I’m sure that I deserve it.” you respond.

“Contrary to your belief, I don’t actually enjoy being rude. I actually hate it. But…there are things you have to know. You’re really fucking stupid sometimes, Y/N.”

You roll your eyes.

“You’re a changed man, Sukuna.”

Sukuna shifts in his seat, as you quickly bite your words.

“I wasn’t being sarcastic. You really do seem different. Better.” you murmur.

Sukuna smiles.

“I am. Different. Better.”

You lean forward, placing a hand on his forearm.

“You’re a fucking dad, Sukuna.”

“I know. Who would have thought?” he asks.

“Me. I always knew you’d be great at this type of thing.”

“Yeah right.” Sukuna responds, sarcastically.

“No, really. You…you have that ability. The type that really good parents have. You always know what to give people, what they need to hear. You know that people don’t give things to me straight, so you always do it for them. And you’re the only person on my side - the only person who says that and means it.” you respond.

Sukuna leans forward on his elbow.

“I could have done better by you. I know that.”

“Sukuna-”

“The awards show. I could have stopped you. I…I figured that Historia and Jean were riling you up. That you were already far past a point of reason and I just…”

“I would have cussed you out if you tried to go against me in that moment, Sukuna. Kicked you out of my house.”

“I thought that much but…but still. I could have made you listen.” Sukuna responds.

“Don’t get me wrong. I find lots of value in your words. But really, I wouldn’t have listened. And…and you were still there in the way that I needed you. Don’t think that I’ve forgotten that the person who dragged me out of that dressing room that night was you.” you murmur.

Sukuna sighs.

“I fucking hate you for not talking to me, Y/N. I get not talking to anyone from Attack on Titan. To Levi, Hange, whatever. But I was never apart of that. I was your friend, Y/N. I was always on your side.”

“I’m sorry.” you respond.

“You don’t think I would have fought for your albums back with you? That I wouldn’t have wrung Eren’s neck out if he asked me to? That I wouldn’t have crawled into your shitty house and stayed there with you if you needed me to?”

You swallow hard.

“It’s embarrassing to be around people when I know I’m doing something wrong. But it’s infinitely more embarrassing when that person is you, Sukuna.” you respond.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“I mean…you’re one of the best people I know. You’re always saying what’s on your mind, you’re exactly what I want to be. Honest. Earnest. A good friend. I know I can be shitty. It’s just really hard for me to do it in front of you.” you respond.

“You think too much of me.” Sukuna states.

“You think too little of yourself.” you respond.

“Don’t quote my girl back to me, L/N.” Sukuna sneers, lightly shoving you.

You smile.

“Your girl, eh?” your respond, smirking at him as you watch a pink flush crawl up his neck.

“Do you think you’re funny? We have a kid together.” Sukuna responds.

“You have a crush on Lana.” you respond.

“Okay?”

“That’s so cute, Sukuna.” you respond, exaggerating each syllable as he rolls his eyes at you.

You lean forward and wrap your arms around him, hugging him as hard as you can as you feel the tears collect in your eyes. Sukuna pulls back the second he feels you sniffling, his eyes pinched in annoyance.

“Why are you crying?”

“I’m so happy for you, Sukuna.” you whisper.

Sukuna deflates, pinching his lips shut.

“You could have told me too, Sukuna. About all of it, everything that happened. When-when you were a kid. I would have listened to you. And I would never tell.” you whisper.

“I almost did tell you. That night that we were in my trailer. When Historia released Lacy.”

You gesture for him to continue.

“I told you that…that hundreds, thousands of people loved me and I didn’t even know who I was looking at in the mirror. It was more humiliating for me than that. I looked in the mirror and didn’t know who I was, how I let that happen to me-”

You feel the tears immediately burn in your eyes.

“-but it bothered me even more. Because I look just like Yuuji, Y/N. Yuuji means the fucking world to me, just like you do. Like Lana does. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for him. And…and at that point I realized. That I didn’t even hold myself to that standard. That I didn’t see that happening to myself and think that I deserved better.” Sukuna states.

“Sukuna. You deserve so much better. So much better.” you whisper.

“I know that now. And I have it too, Y/N.”

You and Sukuna turn your heads to look at Lana and Teddy through the window, the two of them showing Eren something in a book. The two of you smile at each other.

“Luckily for me, Lana showed up right when I needed her. I can’t believe that I’ve been walking around her for years, on red carpets and at awards shows. She was right under my nose this entire time and I had no idea.”

“There’s this legend. An invisible string of fate. That the person that you’re destined to be with, the two of you have a little string tied around your pinkies the second you’re born. And no matter how far you go, you’ll still have a pull on each other. End up together.” you respond.

“Yeah?”

“I’m pretty sure the two of you have been making steps towards each other the entire time, Sukuna.” you respond.

He smiles in response.

“Me too.” Sukuna responds.

You wipe the wetness from your cheek, as you lean back in the chair.

“Okay, Sukuna. Give it to me straight.”

“Give what? A slap?” Sukuna asks.

“No. I know you. You’ve probably got a lot to say to me. So…just come right out and say it. I can take it.”

Sukuna smiles, almost too sinisterly.

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

“Positive? You can’t fight me on any of it.”

“Fine. Just tell me.”

He takes a deep breath before talking, the tone in his voice so matter-of-fact that it catches you off guard.

“You have no right to give Mikasa shit for picking another maid of honor. Even if Amy’s a bitch to you. Quit playing the victim with her on that one, becuase first and foremost, you will lose. And second of all, she’s getting married. You’re the one who needs to bite the bullet and make sure that she has a good day.”

“Wait-” you start.

“Why aren’t you writing any music anymore? Why are you accrediting all of your success to Danny and Sareen when you’re the one who wrote those songs?”

“I’m not-”

“Aren’t you though? And when are you going to stop punishing Eren for something that you did to him first.”

“Sukuna.”

“What are you mad at him for? That he didn’t tell you what he was going through? Isn’t that what you did to him first? Because yeah, you’d call him before all your shows and pretend like things were fine. And then Eren had to find out from a fucking interview that those two dickwads were starving you. That they were controlling you like you were one of their assets.”

You sigh.

“I’m not playing the victim with Mikasa.”

“Aren’t you though? Because if it were me, if I had not talked to my best friend in two years despite the fact that she reached out multiple times, I’d think that I was in the wrong.”

“I was struggling.”

“And you don’t think she wasn’t? Did you know that she almost broke up with Jean in the years that you were gone?”

You pale.

“What?”

“Did you ask her? Did you ask her how she was when you came back?”

You swallow hard.

“You don’t think that she needed you for that? For something as big as almost losing Jean when he’s always been by her side. You don’t think that she needed you for even small things even beyond that? Someone to talk to. Someone to support her?”

“Are her and Jean okay?”

“Yes. Eren was there. But Eren can’t exactly replace what you are for Mikasa. And god knows he has the emotional capabilities of a fucking teaspoon.”

It seems that every time you’re at the depths of your regret, of your guilt, you find that there is always a way to sink down further.

“Quiet now, aren’t you? Fight me about the music.” he states.

“No.”

“Because I’m right?” he asks.

“So what if you are? I just don’t want to write anything anymore. It’s not that serious.”

Sukuna leans forward, inches between your faces.

“It’s not that serious, for any normal person. But it is that serious for you. Because you love to write music, Y/N. You scribble lyrics onto your scripts when you’re supposed to be reading them. You hum songs when you’re basically doing anything. And you’re not doing it now, because you’re still in that godforsaken hole you sank yourself into in your house.”

“So what if I am, Sukuna? What if I am? Don’t you get that I’m fucking scared of this type of thing? That it is isn’t easy? I lost Eren. And then I lost my music. All of my friends. You don’t think that type of thing was fucking hard for me?” you respond, warm tears spilling out of your eyes.

Sukuna leans forward, wrapping his arms around you and squeezing hard.

“You were never one to back down from a fight. What kind of hold do you think those two idiots have over you at this point? Need I remind you, that they’re only famous, that they only have a claim to their names, because of you. Did you lose Eren? No. Because he’s literally peering through the fucking window right now because you’re crying. Did you lose your music? No, because he fought so hard to somehow get it back for you. And you didn’t lose your friends. We’re right in front of you.”

You pull back, glaring at him. Because as annoying as he is, he always did point out the truth. You give Eren a smile through the window, gesturing to him that it’s okay, as he gives you a disbelieving look and walks away.

“I’m mad at Eren for what he said to me.” you respond.

“That’s valid. But have you ever considered that he might have been mad at you for what you said to him too? Or even worse, that you could have really hurt him?”

“What did I say to him? Because he-”

“You didn’t pick him.”

“But, Sukuna. I had to do that. Sareen and Danny-”

“So you get it. You get that what you did was because you had to. So why don’t you understand that what Eren said to you was because it was what he had to say too?”

You sigh.

“Don’t be a hypocrite, Y/N. You know I don’t say any of this to hurt you. But you’re not twenty-one anymore. And neither is Eren. It’s time for you to face this head on. Both of you.” he states, the tone in voice so caring that it makes you falter.

You sigh.

“Did you know that Eren was struggling that bad?”

“No. And I gave him tons of shit at the time for it. You’re not the only one with regrets.” he states.

After a fresh shower, you pad back into the main room to find Eren in the kitchen, while Sukuna, Lana, and Teddy cuddle in the crouch. Eren gestures for you to join him at your side, as he pushes a little cutting board and the food towards your side.

“Are you trusting me to cut the vegetables? Are you finally viewing me as your equal, Eren Jaeger?” you ask, feigning shock.

“It’s a safety knife. That’s what Teddy uses when Lana teaches him how to cook.” Eren responds, smirking at you.

You elbow him, accompanied with nice string of insults as you stand at Eren’s side. You look to the picture at the your side, of Sukuna, Lana, and Teddy dressed up nice in a little courthouse.

“Hey. What’s this?”

“Lana and Sukuna are married.” Eren states.

“Excuse me. You said they were dating.” you state.

“We said dating in the documentary, because they were dating at the time. But at their one year anniversary, they did a small little court wedding. The three of them got takeout sushi and came home like right after.” Eren states.

You walk over to the picture, inspecting it in full this time. At Lana’s white slip dress, at their matching rings, and the little bouquet in Teddy’s hands. The three of them are smiling so brightly, Lana and Sukuna leaning their temples together, with their eyes closed and bright smiles.

“Eren.”

“Hm?”

“How did that happen?” you ask, gesutring over to the three of them.

Eren sets his knife down, lookng over at the picture as he places his hands on his hips. You can already tell from his stance that whatever he’s about to say is going to be bitingly sassy.

“Okay. When two people love each other, they get in a be-”

“Shut up, idiot. I mean, Lana and Sukuna.”

Eren shoves you in the side, as the two of you avert your eyes to the three of them on the couch.

“After that night, when I had said everything to you, I had immediately called Levi and Hange. Lana and I had been debating calling them and asking for help the second I ended up in the hospital, but that night was kind of the final straw for me.” Eren states.

“Your injury should have been your final straw, Eren.” you respond, pinching your eyes at him.

“At that point, I was ready to drag Scott Clarkson into the ground. From my standpoint, I didn’t really have anything to lose from suing them. And Connie and Lana, it didn’t take them much convincing to follow. But Levi basically wanted to stack all of our cards in our favor, that if we were going to say something, anyone else who has something to say would get to take that chance too.” Eren adds.

“That’s where he came in.” you state, to which Eren gives you an affirmative nod.

“Sukuna had told us almost everything about what happened to him, except for…you know.”

The sexual assault.

“Yeah.”

“Lana was the first person that he told. And I don’t know what she told him, since that’s not something I understand having experienced but she obviously does, but…they both just kind of came to us one day. Told us that they wanted to own it.” Eren adds.

“So, they just got close? From all that? Not that it’s not a thing that connects him, but he…he’s always so reserved.” you ask.

“I think he just naturally gravitated towards her, that’s all. I think they have these deep, all encompassing emotions that they don’t share with other people. The feel things deeply, love really hard. It was just like an underlying thing…that they knew they would get along in that way. Like you and me.”

“Like you and me?”

“Y’know. We were close right off the bat. No awkward stage, no holding things back from each other. Well, in the beginning at least.” Eren states.

You hum in response.

“Sukuna met Teddy pretty early on. When Lana and Sukuna started dating, they were serious straight off the bat. He kind of just…fit in perfectly with them. Nothing really changed. Teddy just kind of called him dad in passing one day. No one really said much about it, but I did find Sukuna crying later.”

You frown, clutching your hands on your chest.

“I’m really happy for them, Eren. There’s no one who deserves it more than them.”

You feel a brush past your shoulder to find Sukuna and Lana at your sides, the two of them tip toeing into the fridge and pulling a little box out. Eren hands you a little box of candles, as you pull out five little green ones.

The four of you huddle over the cake, perfectly placing them and lighting them, as you walk over to where Teddy’s still sitting, fully engrossed into the screen. Sukuna turns to the three of you, quietly counting down, before you all burst out singing and Teddy turns around excitedly.

You watch as Sukuna smashes a decent amount of frosting onto Teddy’s cheeks after he blows out the candles, as Lana quickly snaps a picture of the two of them with the cake.

“Is that your thing now, Sukuna? You just smash dessert into people’s faces?” you ask.

“Well, you deserved it. And I’ve been doing this since my first birthday with him.” Sukuna states.

“Don’t tell me you smashed food in a grown woman’s face?” Lana asks, deadpanning.

“It was pie. That hardly counts as food. And again, need I repeat, that she deserved it.”

Lana comes over, securing her hands around your shoulders, as she presses a kiss to your cheek.

“You’re rude. Our princess does no wrong.” she states, gesturing for Eren to join him at her side.

Eren follows suit, gesturing for Lana to get in the picture, as he points the little camera at them, and you peer over his shoulder at the viewfinder.

“Teddy. What did you wish for?” Eren asks.

“Don’t say! Your wish won’t come true.” Lana whines.

“Y/N!” Teddy states, giving you a bright smile.

Sukuna laughs, reaching for his sides to tickle at him.

“Sorry buddy. You already snoozed and lost on that one.” Sukuna responds.

The three of them shuffle to the counter as Sukuna starts cutting the cake into little slices and placing them on the plates. After a decent amount of dessert and sweet pictures, Eren shuffles away with Teddy to set him to bed, as you shuffle into your own room and muse over what you’re going to say to Eren later.

Eren makes his way down the following morning, to find the three of them mulling around in the kitchen. He makes it a point to shove Lana and smack Sukuna, before pressing a kiss on top of Teddy’s head and taking the seat next to them.

“You’re not going on your walk?” Eren asks, looking up at Sukuna.

“Someone already claimed the beach.”

“Huh?”

Sukuna points behind him, as Eren looks out the window to find you sitting there in the sand, on a little blanket. Your back is facing towards him, your hair slightly swaying in the light breeze of the beach outside.

“What’s she doing?” Eren asks.

“She wants to talk to you, Eren.” Lana states.

Eren pales.

“Out there?” Eren asks.

The two of them nod as Eren feels knots twisting in his stomach, that whatever semblance of relationship that the two of you were building back together was going to come crashing down in a second. That the harsh, cruel justice that he was owed was finally going to be served to him.

“Fuck. Okay. Do I look fine?” Eren asks, turning to the two of them.

Sukuna and Teddy squint their eyes in confusion, as Lana gives him a big thumbs up and all but pushes him onto the patio. He turns around and gives her a pointed glare, which she only returns with a smile as he starts trudging towards you, feet digging into the sand.

You notice Eren before he can creep up behind you, as you give him a smile and gesture for him to take the spot next to you. It’s decently overcast, a slight chill in the air as you pull your hoodie around you and watch the waves crash ahead.

“Hey.” Eren says.

Eren takes the spot at your side, hiking his knees to his chest, as your elbows brush against each other in the cold.

“Wanna go skinny dipping?” you ask.

“I beg your pardon?” Eren resopnds, eyes nearly bulging out of his head.

You can barely contain your laughter, as Eren quickly catches on. His cheeks are positively pink as he starts grumbling under his breath about how mean you are and you choke out an apology. The two of you sit there in silence as the water pulls close to the shore, just to quickly retreat back into the big mass of water.

You bite the bullet this time.

“The song that you wrote that day. The one that you sang to me on the beach.” you say.

“Yeah?” Eren asks, almost too attentive as he hangs at the ends of your words.

“That’s my first question. What did it mean?” you ask.

Eren looks back out at the waves.

“I thought that what we had ran it’s course when I wrote it. It was a few days before you got there. And by that point, I was already so down in it that all I was left with was the feeling of being grateful. That I did get to experience that love, with you, at some point. And you know. You’re the moon. I’m the ocean. It was a nice solace to think our love would last forever that way..” Eren responds.

You nod in response.

“That night. When- when you tried to kiss me. I told you I couldn’t because you were still with Hyla. Why didn’t you tell me then and there that you had broken up?” you ask.

“I could have. But I wanted to know if you wanted me still, with such extreme urgency, that-that I kind of forgot that I was technically dating her in the first place. I said it before, but I never really considered that real, Y/N. She didn’t even warrant a mention in my mind. Or ever mean anything to me.” Eren responds.

“Okay.”

Eren pauses. You suppose your response was barely convincing and that he can most definitely tell.

“I’m only telling you this part because Sukuna is going to tell you anyway and he’s been holding it over my head for weeks.” Eren states.

“What?”

“It’s embarrassing. Just- pretend like it’s nothing when Sukuna says it to you.”

“Okay?”

“The yacht. When-when Hyla kissed me.”

“Oh. Vomitgate.” you respond, smiling at him.

“Don’t call it that!” he whines.

You laugh as you gesture for him to continue, his cheeks lightly dusted pink.

“Hyla likes to wear a lot of lipgloss. And she..she always wears this red one. That smells like cherries.” he states.

“Okay?”

“I didn’t know that it tasted like cherries too. And when she kissed me, I-I could taste it.” Eren mumbles.

“Congratulations? I’m glad it tasted good while you were kissing her.”

“No! No, Y/N. You don’t get it. You….you taste like cherries when I kissed you. Or when you used to.”

“Huh?”

“The slushies. Your lips always tasted like cherries. So when she kissed me, I-I immediately thought of you. And…and then I realized it was her.”

“And then you…projectile vomited?” you finish.

“Okay, you promised you wouldn’t make fun.”

You smile. Primarily because he’s so embarrassed that it’s cute. And that in the most evil way, the thought of him being so disgusted by kissing someone that isn’t you that it makes him vomit makes your heart warm in a special way.

“I said no such thing, Eren.”

The two of you sit there in silence for some time, as you muse over his words. The air only seems to get colder as time goes on, the clouds swirling in the sky above the two of you.

“The things that you said to me, Eren. I-I know they weren’t true. But I want to know how you came up with them. Because I understand that it was something you had to say. But they just fell out of your mouth so easily. That you only wanted me for that and nothing more and-”

“In no way were those words easy for me to say. Don’t even say that.” Eren states, the urgency in his tone so adamant that it makes you sweat.

“How did you come up with it? Because it must have been in the back of your mind if-”

“Y/N. I come from literally the shittiest, meanest place that you can imagine. I’ve told you before. The things that Zeke had said to me.” Eren states.

“And?”

Eren stops. His voice is softer this time, almost laced with a pinch of hurt.

“When life gets harder, I have to get harder to match. If you show up and I can’t have you, the thought of it fills me with so much anger, so much hurt that it all comes out. On you. And that doesn’t make anything I said okay, but you being there. Having you so close to me and having to send you away. It had to be something cruel. You wouldn’t have gone otherwise.”

“Well-”

“Don’t even say that to me. Because I know for a fact that if I had told you any of this then, you would never leave. You wouldn’t listen to me because you’d want to stay with me.”

“Is there something wrong with that? With me wanting to be there for you?”

“Of course, not. It’s just that you being there with me required you to be there. With those shitty people. And if it comes to you or me, I’d pick you. Even if I had to do something shitty to make sure that you were far away.”

You’re immediately reminded of the conversation that you had with Eren. Or more acutely, the fight that the two of you had. Of what Eren had said to you.

But I couldn’t have you there. Because if it came down to it, when I had to pick between covering someone else or taking care of you, I’d pick you.

You swallow the lump in your throat. Of the implication that if Eren was faced with the choice - of you and Teddy or you and Connie - that he would pick you.

Even if it was the wrong choice to make.

“And Armin?” you ask.

“That’s the thing about you two. You both came in so hot. I was expecting after the interview that the two of you were going to cuss me out, leave without even saying anything. But your instinct - both of yours - was to immediately believe it wasn’t true. Bittersweet, because you knew me well enough to know I’d never really say that but also shitty becuase then I had to bite back to make sure you left.” Eren states.

You lift the little cover at your side and slide the little box into Eren’s hands. You see his eyes go wide immediately, as you hand him a polaroid camera, the exact specific brand that Erwin had gifted Armin all of those years ago.

“I can make my amends with it. Even if it hurt my feelings. And hopefully that helps you make amends with Armin.” you state.

“Where the fuck did you find this? I’ve been looking for this for a better part of the past year.” he states.

“I found it this morning. And…I’ve eavedropped on one of your fights with Armin.” you state.

“Nosy.”

“Okay, I’ll just go return it.” you state.

“No!” Eren states, quickly clutching his arms around the box as you laugh.

Eren sighs.

“Thank you. You don’t know what this means to me.” Eren responds.

“I think I have an idea.” you respond.

Eren smiles, albeit halfheartedly, as he looks down at the box.

“My turn. Unless you had more?” he murmurs.

“No. Go ahead.”

“The awards show. What do you think about it now?” Eren asks.

You sigh.

“What you were saying, it seems much more obvious now. That it was Historia and Jean there. That they were riling me up. Historia, she was already mad at you for what I said, for going against what we had as kids, and for Jean. It was personal. He basically felt like you had betrayed him and told me that. I suppose now that if Mikasa was there, she wouldn’t have let me go as far as I did.” you respond.

“Mikasa wanted to come. Danny and Sareen didn’t let her. They knew for a fact she wouldn’t let you. She’d want to be there for you in the way you needed. Probably put my face on a dart board and talk shit about me.” Eren muses.

“I would have preferred that over what I really did. But I remember that now. Danny and Sareen said that her hysterics weren’t conducive to the situation. And granted, Mikasa’s never short of being dramatic but…always calm when you need her. I can’t believe I forgot about that in the moment. And Sukuna, he never gave his opinion. He just told me to make my own decisions and that he would support me, which makes more sense in hindsight too.” you respond.

Eren nods in response, content with your answer.

“Why did you cry when I was singing the grudge?” you ask.

“Why did you cry when you were singing the grudge?” Eren asks.

“The fight we had. You told me beforehand that..that I didn’t have any faith in you like you did in me. It was the first time that it might have crossed my mind. That you didn’t mean anything that you said and…and then I was singing a song about how I’d never forgive you. And you were crying during it. It pretty much sold me on the fact that I was right.” you respond.

Eren nods.

“For me, it was the fact that you were playing the piano. On your own. I was waiting for years to see you do it on your own, to take that step and be confident in your own abilities. You’ve always been great and all I wanted to do in that moment was to stand there. Tell you I told you so. And I couldn’t.”

“What did you mean? When you said I didn’t have faith in you?” you murmur.

“I was just really upset in that moment, Y/N. I didn’t-”

“I want to know.”

Eren sighs.

“You thought right. I was upset that you believed it so blindly. That you believed an edited interview of me. And what I had said that night, which you had every right to believe. I was just-”

“It’s okay.”

“I wasn’t mad at you. And I’m still not. I regretted it after I said it.”

“Okay. I appreciate the grace you give me, Eren.”

“Nothing you haven’t given me first.” Eren responds.

You both avert your eyes from one another.

Anything else?” Eren asks.

“I guess not. Is there something you want to tell me?” you state.

“I want to know what you were doing in the years that I wasn’t with you.”

“In the house?”

“No. No, when you were with Danny and Sareen. After-after we said fishbowl on the rooftop.” Eren states.

You sigh.

“I feel fucking stupid about it all in hindsight.” you respond, warm tears filling your eyes.

Eren’s quick to notice, like he always is, as he pulls you closer to him and you lean your head against his shoulder.

“Hey. You’re okay, just take a breath-” Eren whispers.

“I did three albums with world tours back to back. Movies in the hiatuses.” you state.

“And?” Eren murmurs.

“And I didn’t take a break once. I-I only realized when I locked myself in that godforsaken house how much time I had lost. How much of it I swam through when I came back and Falco was basically grown. I left him when he was barely a teenager and then he was just…this whole person. Comforting me when that’s always been my job. That Jean and Mikasa had moved so far in their relationship that they were actually going to get married. That we all fucking grew up.” you respond.

You wipe your nose.

“I realized really quickly that I wasn’t making money off of the Lucky One. I had spent that entire first year, not even thinking about you or anything else, because I was just fighting desperately behind the sidelines to get them back.” you state.

Eren snorts.

“I think when you stopped fighting is when I started. We had won the lawsuit at that point and I-I was told to negotiate for whatever I wanted.” Eren responds.

“How did you know?”

“Danny and Sareen. At the awards show, they had made it a point to me. That it was always their goal. I had been inquiring about it ever since then and…the second you released the Lucky One and disappeared I knew they were going to do something. I tried to negotiate the entire album back, money and all, but all I could get you was the rights. And I’ve talked to Niccolo about it. You can re-record them or-or we can do something else but-”

“Thank you.” you state.

You look back at the ocean. You don’t say something for sometime, which fills Eren’s stomach with an overwhelming amount of discomfort as he rests his head against his knees. But you can’t even stomach it. How you’re supposed to thank Eren for what he did. For what he’s always done.

For how consistent he’s always been. When it comes to you.

“What are you thinking?” he asks.

You look over at him, or more precisely, at the little tattoo on his bicep as you open up his arms and rest your fingers against it. He mimics your motions, smiling at the little inked skin.

“I was half convinced you were going to get it removed.” Eren states.

“I almost did.” you respond.

He laughs.

“I always thought it was stupid. That you wanted to be the ocean when I thought you were the moon. You know, like a light shining on a dark night? That’s always what I thought you were for me.” you state.

“It feels like there’s more to that statement.” Eren responds.

“Can you see the moon right now?” you ask.

Eren looks up at the overcast sky, the clouds dense above.

“No.”

“But you can see the ocean. All the time, whenever you want. The waves pull back, but they always return.” you state.

Eren looks up at you, in confusion.

“I don’t follow.”

“I’m saying you picked right. I am the moon. Fickle. Unreliable. I disappear at the first sign of a storm. But the ocean…”

You look over at your right, to the waves crashing.

“It’s one of the only things in nature that keeps its promise. Keeps crashing back on the shore, against the pull.”

Eren’s eyes falter.

“You had every right to do what you did.” Eren responds.

“I know that. But it was always you and me. From the start. I was the one who lost sight of that when I let you go.” you state.

Eren swallows hard.

“Why did you do that?” he asks, his voice in the smallest whisper.

The fact that he even asks shatters something in you, into tiny little pieces. That you had sown so much doubt into him.

“I…I had so much faith in us. What we had…it came to us so easily. Snuck on me so quickly that I took it for granted. I figured that if I had to let you go for sometime, you’d come right back to me. The same way that we were before.”

“You were nineteen.” Eren states.

“I was stupid. Because that’s not how you saw it.”

“No. No, it-”

“Don’t lie. You thought I left you.”

“It’s water under the bridge.” Eren responds.

You sigh.

“Eren. Eren, if you felt that way, why didn’t you say that? I- I fucking adored you. I would have pulled back and said no the second that you had asked me not to. Surely you must have known that I would move any mountain for you?” you ask.

Eren looks at you, the look in his eyes faltering as you realize.

“Eren. Did you know that I would do anything for you? Did you know that I loved you as much as you loved me?” you ask.

“I did.” Eren responds, the lightest hint of disbelief in your voice.

You pull him closer, cupping his face in your hands.

“Eren. You were my person. I loved you so, so much and you didn’t even know?” you ask, warm tears filling your eyes.

“It wasn’t anything about you. It was me. It’s my fault that I didn’t think that.” Eren whispers.

“Don’t. Don’t fucking say that, Eren.” you respond, pulling away from him as the hot, embarrassing tears pour down your eyes.

At the fact that Eren’s so willing to forgive. So quick to look past the fact that you took the love that he had given you for granted. That you hadn’t appreciated it, and him, half as much as you should have and now it was never going to be the same. That he was so insecure in himself, that he couldn’t accept the love that you had given him. And that you didn’t even notice.

Eren sits quietly at your side, making no move to comfort you this time. All you can see are his green eyes, looking directly into yours, almost like he’s waiting. Mulling over the exact words that he has to say to you. And the fact that he’s sitting there trying to comfort you, when he should be cursing your name, makes it ten times worse.

“Y/N.” he murmurs.

“No.”

“Y/N.” he repeats, softer this time.

You shake your head as he scoots closer to you, cupping your cheeks in his hands as he gives you a smile. He wipes away your constant stream of tears with his thumbs, as his face washes over in the softest, most comforting look.

“You know that stupid, cheesy as fuck saying? That you can’t give love to someone else if you don’t have it for yourself?”

“Eren.”

“It’s not a bad thing to give yourself kindness. To give nineteen year old you grace the same way I give twenty-one year old me grace.” he whispers.

“I was old enough to know better.”

“And so was I. But your life isn’t meant to be a punishment. Neither is mine. We’re not supposed to sit here and never forgive ourselves over something what’s already happened.” he whispers.

“I picked wrong. You- I let you leave, Eren.” you cry.

Eren smiles.

“Am I gone?” Eren asks.

You sigh.

That’s not the way you meant it.

Eren smiles, tilting your face up in his clutches as he gives your cheek a little squish.

“Answer my question, Margaret.”

“Why do you call me Margaret?”

“You first. Am I gone?”

“Yes.” you deadpan.

Eren leans closer to you, noses almost touching, as he whispers.

“I’m right here. I’ve spent far too much time without you. Don’t tell anyone but…you’re kind of my favorite person, ever. You’re always going to be my best friend. And as long as you don’t send me away again, I’ll always be right here.”

You sniffle.

“I won’t tell anyone. There’s no one else to tell.”

Eren smiles so wide, so bright at you repeating the same words you had used all those years ago to him, as he pulls you straight into a hug. You deflate straight into his arms, wrapping them around his torso as you inhale his biting, minty smell once more.

“Wanna know why I call you Margaret?” he asks.

“Please. I know for a fact that it’s not just some random name you picked.”

Eren pulls back, a devious grin on his face.

“Margaret is the name of the moon.”

Of course.

“...of Uranus.” he finishes.

“Huh?”

“Uranus. It’s the name of one of the moons of Uranus.” Eren repeats, emphasizing every last syllable.

You can tell from the way he’s smiling that he’s incredibly pleased with himself. And it makes uou break out into a teary laugh.

“You’re fucking with me.”

“No, I’m not. All of Uranus’s moons are named after Shakespeare characters. And the first one that came to mind when we were having that talk out of all of them was Margaret.”

“So you intentionally gave me a name based off of an anus?”

“Not just any anus, Y/N. Ur-anus. It’s very significant to our relationship.”

“Ew, Eren. Oh my god.” you respond, the two of you laughing as you look at him with disgust.

“What?”

“I can’t tell what’s worse. This or Hobo Eren.”

“Hey.”

“Nevermind. It’s definitely Hobo Eren. That’s an atrocity to humanity, Eren.”

“Okay, okay. I get it. I’m horrendous” he responds, slightly shoving you in the side as you return the favor.

“I’m so glad we’re on the same page. It’s been putting a real damper on our relationship.” you respond.

Eren looks over at you and smiles.

“Are there any dampers on our relationship now? For real?” Eren asks.

You shake your head.

“No. But…you and me on the same side now. Always. You can’t keep secrets from me and-”

“I won’t.” he responds, definitively.

“Then no. No dampers. You and me till the end.” you respond.

Eren smiles as you look back at the waves crashing and you lean your head against his shoulder again. He softly murmurs into your hair.

“Why do you call me Bruce? Yours had to be just as deliberate as mine.” he asks.

“You don’t need to know. It’s not half as cute as yours.” you respond.

“Well, nothing is as cute as Uranus unfortunatley.”

“Naturally. I…um. You…you know that shark from Finding Nemo? That…that pretends to be friends with the fish and then tries to eat them?” you state, giving him a peachy smile.

“No fucking way.”

“I’m sorry!” you whine.

“You’re so rude, Y/N L/N. I gave you a sweet, sentimental nickname and that’s how you repay me.”

“You gave me Uranus, Eren.”

“There is nothing more scared than my anus, Y/N. You know that.”

“You’re so immature. You have the humor of a twelve year old.” you respond.

“And you love it. One would argue that…that you enable this behavior from me. I’d never make these jokes if you didn’t think they were funny.”

“You tell jokes based off of me?” you ask, sarcastically.

“Yes. I want to see you laugh. You think I’m just out here saying stuff just to say it?”

“You’re full of shit.”

“And you’re not even half deserving of my anus.” Eren responds.

You and Eren bicker back and forth. And the sun rises, straight through the patches of the clouds.

On the two of you, together again.

next part linked here

an: MEOW

taglist: @k0z3me @kayleegomez @yihona-san06 @bsenpai @sweetenertea @mykyoon @violetmatcha @rebeccawinters @cutiejg @bokutosthings @bookwrmm @mblrrr @wheredidmycrowngo @somethinginyoureyes7 @chilichopsticks @okaystopwhore @you-always-made-me-blush @itzmeme @firelordazulaaaa @whoami-72 @g-ghostly-y-blog @intimacywithceline @erensmoodygf @cocomellxn @princess-ackerman @jaegerfiles @cacapeepee @rui-0836 @moonmalice @invisible-mori @sofiasber @bbybeeb @timetobegonee @tee4str @ttokki @leave-rae-alone @ec3lipsy @officialsimpp @gojojang @yookayyo @lordbugs @multiplefandomthings @iobeyfandoms @camilo-uwu @justanotherkpopstanlol @mel-star636 @fvckingeetar @ttalgi @najaemism @ilovekimchi123 @youraggedybitch @xoyumiqls @leafguitar @dreamy-carat @spiidergirlsworld @luvs4kim @levin4nami @florichun @hoonmyluv

pls comment on this post or any of the chapters if you want to be added to the taglist <3

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hdmsbsna · 23 days ago

Note

Hello, I saw your post that you uploaded about Paul's writings😭😭😭, so I wanted to ask if you could make one of Paul x actress reader, I don't know, maybe he's going to see it behind the scenes or I don't know

REQUESTED: so i kind of got carried away with this, and i actually kind of love it. i'm deciding on whether or not i should make it a series, never done one before though😭 anyways...let me know what you guys think.

pairing: paul mescal x reader (fluff)

warnings: none

description: close, but not close enough follows two popular actors, you and paul, navigating a close friendship complicated by rumors and paparazzi. after a wild night, you both deal with the fallout of being misinterpreted as a couple, despite only wanting to stay friends. you both navigate your friendship with humor, understanding, and subtle flirtations, ultimately realizing how much you mean to each other.

word count: 2.2k

title: close, but not close enough.

song: lowkey by rochelle jordan

you wake up with a throbbing headache, which reminds you of the things that occurred last night but before you have time to reminisce… you all of a sudden have the urge to vomit. you quickly run to your bathroom and puke your organs out, it feels like never-ending vomit.

you’re about three minutes into just pure retching when you feel a pair of hands on ur shoulders, you’re too out of it to care who’s touching you, you just take the support and continue with your business. eventually the person’s hands pull back your hair, and as they graze over your neck that’s when you realize whose hands those belongs to

“PAUL? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?” you yell.

“jesus fucking christ, i slept over. do you mind?” he responds back

“do i mind? this is my house.” you respond lowering your voice. “do i mind?” repeating the sentence again wondering where he found the audacity.

“listen, i’m sure you remember we were all drunk. the others were able to get dd’s but i forgot to beforehand and when i tried to call an uber they hung up on me. i slept on the couch, don’t worry.” paul said clearly, trying not to piss you off any more.

“gosh paul, you know you can’t do shit like this. what if the paparazzi catches you leaving my house? i really don’t need another rumor going around.” you say, completely calm now.

“yeah, you’re right i’m sorry but at least we’re saving gas today.” he responds back, clearly not that sorry.

“pfhaha you think we’re driving to set together? you’re out of your mind, you sir are going back to your house and getting your own car.” you say matter-of-factly.

“really? you hate me that much?”

“yes..” you say watching his expression get mad. “now go get your stuff and i’ll see you in a bit.”

“fine whatever, hope you get even sicker.” he says as he walks out of your bedroom.

“FUCK YOU!” you yell back. you hear his laughter from across the house.

“love you too!” he says as the front door opens and closes.

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you and paul are both very popular actors, you guys have worked on a project once before and both of you guys are back to do another. he was one of your best friends and you genuinely enjoyed his presence but unfortunately because of the first film you guys filmed which was a romance, so many people have ‘shipped’ you guys together including fans, directors, writers and even your mutuals. it can be so frustrating when so many people want you together. you and paul of course don’t like each other, only friend feelings there, however you obviously take on more responsibility between the two of you, making sure that what you do doesn’t give people the wrong impression. unfortunately for you, paul doesn’t care at all.

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“i’m saying that we can’t be publicly hanging out, people will get the wrong impression” you say over the phone, currently on facetime with him.”

“who gives a shit? i mean we know exactly what we are and what we aren’t, people are going to come up with their own impressions anyways so we should just be ourselves.” paul responds not understanding your worry.

“yeah, i know but i don’t want to have to always worry about our outings being the headline of the next ‘people’ magazine” you say trying to get him to understand.

“we’re already in the ‘people’ magazine.” pauls retorts.

“okay, well this is my decision whether or not you agree with it. only private hangouts from now on.”

“fine,” pauls says clearly not happy with your decision “maybe we should just fake date and like give them what they want and then we’ll break up and no one will care about us again”

“you’re actually insane for that, tell me that wasn’t an actual thought of yours.” you chuckle.

“i’m just trying to think of ways where i can enjoy the company of one of my best friends.”

“i just told you, private hangouts. there’s no way around it, that’s that.” you say sternly.

“you’re hot when you’re serious.” paul says, expecting a reaction from you.

“okay and that’s where we end this call, talk to you never.”

“mhm, love you too sweetie.”

that conversation happened about three months ago and you must say, paul had done an excellent job making sure you guys were never seen together. that’s one of the things you loved most about him, he may not be happy with your decisions but he’ll always respect and follow them. you know paul loves you and just wants to hang out with his best friend, but you can’t afford the damage of one misinterpreted photo affecting you for months out of your life. paul may not know it now, but this decision is benefiting him a lot.

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you took a shower right after paul left, you definitely needed it especially with all the vomit on you. you took your hangover medications that you’ve had for years.

after your shower, you got into some comfy clothes and tied your hair up. you didn’t feel like putting in any effort to your appearance today, especially since paul already saw you this rough. you grab your keys, wallet and phone and head out the door. you walk to a coffee shop and order a matcha latte and have an uber pick you up and take you to set.

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the uber has dropped you off, and you make your way to set. as you walk past everyone, you’re getting so many awkward looks. the tension is extremely high, you walk past your favorite producer and he just puts his head down. finally, you make it to your chair only to be interrupted.

“hey, umm the director wants to see you…” emily says awkwardly, she’s the director’s assistant.

“okay, where is he?” you ask.

“he’s over by the food.”

“mkay, thanks.” you respond as you start making your way to the food area.

on your way there you bump into paul…he sure knows how to clean up.

“hey, you heading to steve?” he asks.

“what? yeah, are you?” you ask clearly confused.

“yeah, emily told me he wanted to see me. you think we’re in trouble?” he asks.

“i mean we haven’t done anything wrong so he probably just wants to talk about a scene or something.”

“maybe, did you see how people were staring when you walked in?”

“yeah it was super weird, they did it to you too?” you ask him.

“yeah, they did.”

you arrive at the food area and you see your director, steve. he’s grabbing some grapes and putting them on his plate. you and paul both give each other a stare and start walking towards him. you notice that some people around you were staring as you went up to steve.

“sir, you wanted to see us?” you say as you lightly tap his shoulder.

“ahh, hello guys. yes, i did want to see you both. i just wanted to remind you guys that dating while filming is not my preference, and although we’re almost finished shooting i will not hesitate to replace you guys.”

“i’m sorry…what?” paul asks, clearly upset.

“yeah, where is all of this coming from?” you ask irritated.

“next time you guys sleep together, try to be a little more sneaky.” he says as he throws a phone on the table and walks away.

you and paul both go to look what’s on the phone and to your disdain it’s ‘people’ magazine with the big and bold title of “actor, paul mescal, was seen leaving co-stars apartment, proving all of the rumors true.” and right below that, is a picture of paul looking straight into the camera, only a block away from your apartment.

“fuuuuuuuuck” paul almost whispers.

“you’ve got to be shitting me. this is fucking ridiculous.” you say.

“listen, i’m so sorry. i really tried to be sneaky.”

“no, it’s not your fault. i knew this would happen eventually, i was just hoping it would be after we wrapped.” you say disappointedly.

“well, i guess we just have to explain ourselves to steve and hope for the best.”

“yeah, i guess so.” you sigh.

you honestly weren’t mad at paul at all, after all it’s not like he was the one who made these pictures surface. but you were however, mad at everyone else for believing that shit. you had assumed that over the year and a half you’ve worked with these people, they would be able to figure out what was false and what wasn’t. of course, you were wrong in that thinking…

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you had just finished wrapping up filming for the day, you were so exhausted and honestly all you wanted to do was go home and get drunk again.

“hey, you did a great job today.” paul says, interrupting your thoughts.

“thank you paul, as did you,” you think for a moment “you wanna come over and have a drink?”

paul laughs. “you’re joking right?”

“what? why would i be joking?”

“well i mean you’re the one that’s always saying we can’t be seen together.” paul says, chuckling.

“well, we’ve already been ‘seen’ together so let’s just enjoy ourselves.” you say, really wanting some company.

“god, if only someone had said that before.” paul says sarcastically.

“are you coming or not?”

“sureee, since you want me sooo bad.” paul says teasingly.

“yeah yeah, fuck you.”

you grab your stuff and walk off set with paul. “did you bring your car?” you ask paul.

“no i got an uber this morning.” he responded.

“mmm okay, well i’ll give you a ride then.” you say.

you open your car door and paul walks over to left side, getting into the passenger seat. you both are in the car and you turn the heater on because of how cold it was. you have paul put on some music and you head back to your apartment. the music honestly became useless considering you guys were chatting the whole time, mostly talking about the rumors going around.

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you eventually arrive at your apartment, both you and paul get out of the car. you unlock the gate and head inside, taking off your slides once you reach your front door. you unlock your door and let paul shut and lock it.

“i’m going to get in some more comfortable clothes, liquor’s in that cabinet.” you say pointing your finger to a cabinet right above the fridge.”

“alright.” pauls responds.

you quickly go in your room and grab some loose shorts and a hoodie, changing your socks as well. you make your way to the kitchen and find two glasses of wine. you loved wine.

“good choice paul good choice.”

“what can i say? i know you better than you give me credit for.”

“it sure appears that way,” you say in response. “come on let’s go sit on the couch, i’ll put on a movie.”

you and paul head to the couch sitting next to each other, you grab the remote and turn on the tv scrolling through peacock.

“mmm, we should watch ‘speak no evil’ it just came out” you say.

“yep, that’s fine by me.” paul says.

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“why the fuck wouldn’t they just go through the front door?!” you say, upset over the character’s choice.

you’re about an hour into the movie and seven glasses of wine into the night. over the night you and paul had managed to scoot closer to each other, you lay your head on his shoulder as you continue to watch the movie. you’re a lightweight when it comes to alcohol which is why you only ever drink around paul, you find yourself staring at paul as he’s watching the movie. his blue eyes appear darker than they actually are and his skin lighting up with every flash of the movie. paul eventually turns to face you, both of you just staring at each other. you look down at his lips as he looks down at yours, you bite the inside of your cheek. you continue to hold his gaze before finally returning back to the movie.

the movie comes to the end, and you guys both shuffle around. paul stretching and you doing the opposite, you were so tired. all you wanted to do right now was fall asleep. “paul, take me to my room please.” you ask, not even thinking about it.

“yes ma’am” paul responds as he picks you up and carries you to your room, laying you down on your comfortable and unmade bed. as soon as your body hits that mattress, a sense of relaxation clouds your body. you mumble a ‘thank you’ to him as you slowly drift off.

“i’ll see you tomorrow then,” paul says as he walks to your door, he pauses for a moment before saying

“i enjoy you so much, you don’t even understand.”

“me too paul,” you tiredly mumble. “i love you, see you tomorrow.”

“goodnight lovely girl.”

hope you guys liked this, let me know if i should make it a series💕

requests and dms are opened, feel free to get in touch. also just turned on anonymous requests, i wanted to keep your thoughts private. love you guys !!

#paul mescal x reader #paul mescal #imagine #x reader #fanfic #cute #fluff #tension

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stop-talking · 6 months ago

Text

Breakdown of the @joshsbimbo controversy.

@mike-schmidtten already made a detailed list of every reason why people are upset with you, "lamb", but I'm going to quickly go over it all anyways because you obviously didn't get the memo.

Extreme trigger warning for this entire post, I'm going to be talking about rape, SA, assault, violence, abuse, incest, stepcest, pedophilia, substance abuse, and probably a lot more.

First of all, you tagged this fic where Mike literally rapes the reader as "cnc". That is not correct.

I mean, if we look at the definition of CNC, it says "this type of scene does not encourage ACTUAL rape. All proper scenes are done after much negotiation between of-age, consenting adults."

But I don't need to explain that to you, do I? You know what CNC is. You said yourself MONTHS ago that you tagged your fic incorrectly and NEVER went back and fixed it.

Mike's next point was that you make it impossible for people to "steer away" from their triggers when you don't tag your posts properly.

And as an example he used this post of straight up incest porn between Mike and his little sister. All completely out in the open, tagged under "#mike schmidt" and "#mike schmidt x reader" for all to see.

He followed it up this this. A plea for you to, at the bare minimum, tag the major triggers in your posts and hide it under a "read more" section.

Let's take a look at how you responded to that very reasonable request.

Oh. You DM'd him the word poop and blocked him.

Instead of reblogging to respond, you actually deleted your origional post so your followers couldn't see the criticism of you as easily. I wonder why? You made your stance clear, though. "I should have put more warnings on my work, but it doesn't matter anyways because it's all fictional." But then, immediately after, you started relogging an account that makes photoshopped foot fetish content of male celebrities for some reason...?

(I censored the feet myself because its just weird) Oh, and weird AI pictures of him, too.

There were worse ones, but I didn't screenshot everything, and you deleted these posts just a few hours after reblogging.

You followed it all up with this now-deleted post about how you wish you could make your notes private. Again, I wonder why? If it really is OKAY to sexualize incest, rape, and abuse just because it's fictional, why would people be scared to support you? Why is no one willing to publicly like your posts, or speak out in your favor? Even some of your biggest supporters (@leah-hutcherson @teenagedreamsss @cuteskunkz @renaissancebewbies) who continue to like (some) of your posts, still haven't come to your defense. If writing about fictional rape, abuse, and incest really and truly wasn't harmful, why would you need to hide?

Once other people started catching wind of what was going on, you responded in some... interesting ways. Like here, in response to this ask (from a person who is a minor BTW). You switched up your story from "I should have tagged my work better" to "everyone hates me now because I forgot to put warnings on ONE story" (which was just blatantly false, as you had been posting other triggering things at the time with no warnings whatsoever.)

It was absolutely ridiculous of you to claim you put warnings on your work when I could scroll down two posts (back before you deleted this) and see a post about Mike beating his kid.

Like... please show me where exactly the warning is?

Then, when this person, (another MINOR, btw!!) posted after reading Mike's breakdown of your behavior, your responded by DMing them a slur.

I don't even know what to say to that. A minor. A slur.

But as much as you like to INSIST your work isn't for minors, you sure seem to interact with them a lot.

This person who reblogged your masterlist? They're a minor.

^^ You can't say you don't want minors to read your work without actually taking all precautions possible to prevent them from seeing it. (Tagging your content, blocking ageless accounts, NOT REBLOGGING MINORS!!!)

Yes. This person is also a minor. Which makes, what, the 4th minor you've interacted with in the past few days? At least from what I can tell.

They also hate you btw so I don't even know why you reblogged them.

FINALLY, this user commented under one of your posts in an attempt to get you to AT LEAST tag your posts correctly if you're going to write triggering shit. (Which was the same think Mike asked you to do, if you remember, but he got "poop" and reblogs of foot fetish posts as a response.)

But then it looked like you either blocked them or removed their comment, so they tried again.

You ignored this message, then apparently posted this?

So they tried again (being much nicer that I would have)

And you finally responded (and still got blocked anyways because your posts are DISTURBING and GROSS)

I doubted you'd actually fix your page, because again, you ignored the same request when Mike asked, and in the past admitted you tagged your fics wrong but just never bothered to change it.

But surprise surprise, you actually went through with it and added trigger warnings to your content.

Though, I'm still not sure "non-serious" is an appropriate tag for a post where mike beats you to death...??

Look. I appreciate that you're at least TRYING now, but it was a fucking FIGHT to get you to do the bare minimum. What I, and apparently 84% of people actually want you to do is delete your account.

(This is from @mike-schmidtten's breakdown post from a couple days ago)

I know you want to PRETEND that just because something is a work of fiction, it doesn't have negative real-world effects, but that's just not the truth.

A lot of people were hurt when you posted things without trigger warnings.

And even now, as you continue to post fetish content for rape, incest, and abuse, people are still being hurt. MINORS are still being hurt.

Yes, obviously, if you post something on the internet, you can't completely 100% control who sees it. But you don't even seem to TRY.

(Dming minors slurs, letting minors reblog your masterlist, letting ageless accounts interact with you, reblogging minors, answering asks from minors, etc)

People, minors, CHILDREN, are raped and abused by those closest to them every day. It's disgusting and horrifying to think about, but it's the world we live in.

You aren't "helping people cope" by writing these stories. You're normalizing abuse. And allowing the most vulnerable people to read it.

You're taking actual things that have happened to real people, and sexualizing it for others to get off to. It's immoral, disturbing, and disgusting.

To my followers, if any of you support this kind of content, you are NOT welcome on my page. Please unfollow or block me and go seek help.

And to you, lamb, I hope you come to your senses and either delete all of your rape & incest fetish content or delete your account entirely.

At the end of the day, you KNOW you're in the wrong. Or at least some small part of you does, or you wouldn't have been afraid to reblog Mike's post and respond defending yourself directly. And you wouldn't be afraid to reblog mine either, which you undoubtedly will.

I know you used to follow me, so maybe you'll take this all to heart. But probably not.

I won't block you. (for the next few days, at least). I'll be here if you want to try and have a civil discussion. But just know I will NEVER agree with the sexualization & glorification of violence and abuse.

#PSA #anyone connected to this person DNI

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hotmessmaxpress · 4 months ago

Text

part 1

Vale doesn't put much thought into what he says on podcasts, to be honest. He does so many interviews for so many different things that they all blur together in one long, blurry stretch of Things He's Said. He speaks in interviews and forgets the moment he leaves the microphone. He's been interviewed thousands of times since he was a teen-- it's hard to care after so many years. Besides, he's getting older now. He doesn't need to waste his memory on words for other people.

Vale is also not a man who has many regrets of things he says. He doesn't see the point in ruminating on his phrasing or his wording. He never even listens to himself.

It's early evening, and he's in a hotel room after a long day of post-race press. He's looking at pictures Francesca sent him of her day with Gigi; they're at some resort or another with Letizia and one of Francesca's cousins. He could probably recall more details if it mattered, but as long as they're both happy the details don't matter. Francesca is easy to please, and good at being left alone. She is a great mother to Gigi, and Vale is happy to let her do her own thing as she pleases.

He stretches, sore arms above his head, until his shoulders pop and he relaxes. His phone vibrates where he set it on the desk, and he picks it up, expecting another message about Gigi.

You have a daughter. Is she not enough to hold your attention? Why do you have to keep accusing me of awful things? I’ve never hurt you on purpose but all you do is twist the knife. Grow up and focus on being a father, not trying to ruin my life.

For a moment he has no idea what the message is about. The number is not saved in his phone, and he racks his brain for who he possibly could have angered.

...accusing me of awful things.

It's with a sharp pain that he thinks of Marc. He doesn't want to think of him-- he'd much prefer to believe it's someone else, but he can't think of another person he's accused of wrongdoing (at least, publicly).

He picks up the hotel-branded pen absentmindedly, twisting it between his fingers. He doesn't know if he should respond, or what he should say if he does. He isn't going to apologize, because he has nothing to apologize for, but it seems cowardly not to say anything in return.

No one is trying to ruin your life he types, then deletes.

I am not trying to ruin your life he types, then pauses.

He hits send, then closes out of the chat entirely.

#don't look at me #i don't know what I'm doing either #vr46 #mm93 #rosquez #motogp rpf

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ihrtsimi · 1 year ago

Text

— all you need ;

→ pairing — minlix + m!reader

→ summary — felix and minho have been secretly watching over the supposed boy of each of their dreams. when they each finally get the courage to corner their boy and take what’s theirs, they realize that they’ve been in love with the same man.

→ genre — smut

→ warnings — extreme kinks (like very extreme, please be cautious), stalking, threesomes, cnc, bimbofication / mindbreaking, double penetration, degrading praise, god + master honorifics, oral (reader receiving and giving), domtop!minlix and subbottom!reader

→ word count — 2.45k

→ author’s note — oh boy, this is my first smut and i’m starting right out the gate with some heavy kinks! i saw this req by @nxthnii and just HAD to write it.

→ song (s) currently stuck in my head —

i can transform ya by chris brown feat. swizz beatz + lil wayne

i’m coming back to you.

so i really hope that you don’t mind.

i know you want me too.

even though you’re not mine,

you got that look in your eyes.

there were two things ruminating in minho’s brain at the moment: how undeniably horny he was and how breathtakingly beautiful you looked in the cheeky polaroid of you he was currently masturbating to. he didn’t even realize how he got here. from his perspective, the picture of you and his cock just landed in his grip, and he wasn’t complaining. it didn’t take him long to finish, his mind cloudy and swirling with the imprinted image of his favorite person in his mind as he lie underneath his silk sheets. he couldn’t sit in his filth for too long before jumping up and heading into the shower. even though the water was piping hot, his bare body was cold; the loneliness and craving for you overwhelming him so badly that he grabbed his phone charging on his bathroom’s mahogany countertop to call the only contact in his phone, his friend felix.

“hello?” felix answered sleepily, despite it being 8 pm.

“i gotta get out the house, man. desperately,” minho responded, not even acknowledging the other’s greeting.

felix immediately understood, ending their conversation short after letting the other know he was on the way. it didn’t take long for him to arrive at minho’s apartment complex, a quick run up two flights of stairs and a doorbell ring away from ending up crosslegged on minho’s black leather couch. the two haven’t spoken in a minute, their individually busy schedules preventing them. yet, conversation came easy. two hours of talking eventually led down the path of relationships, a topic the two men haven’t spoken about before.

“so… how’s dating going? any current prospects up for the love of the illustrious lee minho?” felix joked, his arms rested behind his head while his short fingers toyed with his blond locks.

minho never knew how to respond to that question. how does he admit publicly that he’s been stalking the same boy for three years and is deluded enough to think they’ll one day be together?

“nothing much, you know.. just.. hanging.” was the answer he ended up giving felix, his mind blank before clearing his throat to reciprocate the question.

“i’ve been thinking about this one guy,” felix started, “he goes to my gym and i stare at him while he weight trains.” felix gushed, his eyes glistening as a rose tint began to pepper his cheeks. “it sucks, though. i don’t know his name. but, i know that he works at this coffee shop up the street, and i was planning on going there today to see if i could ask him out!”

felix watched minho’s cat like lips curl up into a smirk. he began understandingly, “i think you should go after him.” felix’s eyes widened, “are you sure, hyung? i know you wanted some company.” minho nodded in response, beginning to stand and collect his belongings to leave his apartment. “i definitely do. i have something…,” he paused to check his watch for the time, “…that i need to do myself. so, go! have your fun.” felix jumped up giddily, rushing to grab his things before rushing out with a ‘bye!’

as minho laid in the overgrown bushes of the the apartment complex that was now so familiar to him later that night, his eyes darted around frantically. he knew where you worked. he knew where you slept. and, he waited for you every night. he knew what times you left and came, watching protectively to assure you arrived home safe. felix had left his apartment about 30 minutes ago, and right when he left, it was time for minho to arrive at his watchful post. he assumed today’s schedule was no different as he sat and waited, checking his apple watch occasionally as time passed by.

9:30…

10:00…

10:30…

11:00….

this was uncharacteristic of you. usually, you’d be home by 10:15. minho’s watch, phone, and patience we’re slowly draining, and his irritation only worsened when he saw your figure stumbling drunkily towards your front door with… someone else? if he expected anything, it definitely wasn’t that. he’d been observing your every move for years, and you weren’t the type to get blasted after work and rush home in the after hours with a random stranger. his mind was racing, thoughts flooding him as he flowed through his concurrent emotions. after irritation, however, came anger. anger that you would dare promiscuously flaunt yourself around. that you would dare have him worried sick about your well-being. that you dare be with anyone else but him.

it didn’t take long after seeing you enter the building before he followed earnestly behind, his eyes low and passionate as he tried to get a good look of the man you were with, the man he would have to eliminate. soon enough, he was at your front door. with shaky hands, he reached in his pocket for the secret key that he owned to your apartment and unlocked the door, his eyes wide with shock as he walked in and shut the door behind himself.

there you were. on your knees for the stranger with his cock deep down your throat. the overhead fixture gleaming brightly as it exposed your perverted state on your kitchen floor. the stranger’s hand on your chin as he sat at your table, your eyes glistening— drunk, and fucked out, and the thick cock of the man taking what belonged to minho. he didn’t know how to address this situation. should he cough? run up and shove himself down your throat? go grab a knife and attack the stranger? his mind was in complete survival mode; territorially wanting to put a stop to his worst nightmare. his brain fumbled through these few options before just deciding to go up and make the stranger reveal himself.

minho rushed over, shoving the other man aggressively. “what the fuck do you think you’re doing?” he growled, his vision and the figures in front of him growing hazy in the heat of his rage. once his eyes settled, the sound he almost let out was abysmal. the stranger was none other than lee felix. he didn’t know how to react, his throat suddenly dry while he attempted to speak.

“f-felix…?” he croaked, his eyes wide like a deer in headlights. felix was equally as stunned. he hadn’t a clue what was going on. after leaving minho’s apartment, he rushed to the cafe where you worked, barely catching you before you left. the two of you chatted for a while before ending up at the bar two blocks from your apartment. it was felix’s idea to head to the bar instead of the much closer restaurant, and if you asked, he wouldn’t tell you it was to get you drunk. but, that’s exactly what it was. after achieving his goal, he walked you home, perversely waiting for you to get drunk and horny enough after letting him in to let him ruin you. luckily for him, that was as soon as humanly possible. you sat still on your knees, your body hot and breath uneven as your drunken mind tried to process the events unfolding in front of you. part of you was terrified. how did this stranger get in? why are they upset that you're fucking felix? and why does it seem the two of them know each other?

but...

another part of you was too horny to function. your mind racing with the previous fantasies you've had of someone breaking into your apartment and fucking you senseless, and you wouldn't let this opportunity pass up. so you finally spoke.

"i can take you both," you said as you began crawling seductively until you sat prettily between the gap in the two men. they stared at each other, unable to speak. felix and minho both finally had the boy they had been pursuing underneath them, and they each wouldn't let an opportunity of their own fall through. they glanced at each other, a competing level of lust filling their looks before they moved their attention back to you.

"on your bed. arms and legs spread out. you're going to experience the fuck of a lifetime, boy," minho snarled sexily, his eyes dark as he began to walk to your bedroom. you quickly stood up, rushing towards the room feverously with felix rushing eagerly behind you. as you laid on the bed, minho began to unbuckle his belt before gesturing for felix to do the same. as minho began to tie your arms up against your bed frame, he watched you wither around. you were reaching the peak of your drunkenness and your neediness was fading, so you whined softly, begging for some kind of stimulation quickly. that earned you a smack across the face from minho, who chuckled at you darkly.

"look at you, baby. desperate for your two strangers to touch you just so you can get your perverted little climax," he spoke before leaning down to whisper in your ear, the hair on your neck standing up at the feeling of his minty breath against your hot skin, "unfortunately for you, that won't be coming so soon." instantaneously, he latched to your lips, kissing you deeply like he would never kiss anyone else ever again. the kiss was surprisingly passionate and sensitive despite the circumstances, and something about that fact lit the fire in your stomach all over again, your cock beginning to twitch just from being craved so deeply. felix just sat and watched intensely, his hand lightly palming himself before he cleared his throat to announce his presence. "pay some attention to me too, angel. i would really appreciate your help again," he started as he began to make his way to the head of the bed. he looked at minho for conformation before patting your cheek lightly as a signal for you to open wide. you opened your mouth wide with your tongue flat and eyes wide with excitement, and felix couldn't contain himself, shoving his length deep down your throat again with a guttural groan.

minho was growing increasingly jealous just watching the scene, and it only egged him on to be more aggressive. he moved his kisses down from your lips to your collarbones, sucking and biting on them so hard, you thought you were bleeding. every whimper you let out only grew his confidence, and eventually, he was all the way to your nipples, giving them the same treatment as the rest of his marks. just watching your dick get progressively harder from being faced-fuck and teased so slowly was making a tent large in minho's pants.

"i didn't know this was the boy you were talking about, felix," said minho as he kissed from your left nipple to the middle of your chest and progressively moved down your stomach. as you watched minho make his way to the spot you wanted touched the most, you shuddered which elicited a tsk from the elder.

"and i didn't know you had your eyes on anyone. i guess it's time to fight for him," felix retorted, his hand raking through your h/c strands as he held your head in place and thrusted.

"may the best man win," shrugged minho before he finally wrapped his plump pink lips around your leaking tip, sucking on it ever so slightly. "but, it seems i've already got him under my control. isn't that right, baby? tell felix how much you love when your god touches you."

"fu-fuck yes, god! i love it when you touch me," you exclaimed, your brain mushy from the stimulation. obviously, that made felix angrily thrust faster into your throat, abusing it mercilessly before growling out in his huskily deep accented voice, "well, tell your god that you only need your master, and that you only want his cock." at this point, drool was falling out of your mouth and your throat was so full you could barely speak, so all you managed to muster out was a pitiful "m-master..." before you gagged so hard felix's cock fell out of your mouth. with this time to collect yourself and gather your thoughts, you looked up to both of your domineering partners, your eyes low from being fucked silly.

"i want you both inside of me. i want you both to coat my inside with your gross fucking cum, and i want to be both of yours. please my god. please, my master. i want to feel so good," you begged as you desperately tugged on minho's pant leg.

"fucking whore. such a pretty little fuckdoll for us, right, felix," minho questioned as he watched you pull on his pants, "should we give our boy what he needs?" felix sat and pretended to ponder, hesitating only so he could hear your sounds. "i think so, hyung. why don't you take him first," felix said with a devilish smile, slapping his cock against your cheeks with a groan at the precum beading on your face before moving back around to the head of the bed and beginning to strip. minho followed suit, taking his clothes off slowly as he gave you a show. the two of them then positioned themselves on the bed in front of your wet hole with minho underneath you before he forced himself in hastily. he began thrusting at an inhuman speed, stretching you out like he was hate fucking you.

"god... you're so fucking tight, baby," minho grunted as he gripped your waist and took what belonged to him for the first time.

before long, he instructed felix, who was impatiently waiting on the side stroking himself, that he could finally fit in as well. felix immediately took the opportunity and moved in front of you and began to struggle to insert himself inside of you. after a slight readjustment, he slid himself balls deep inside of you. the two men sat still as patiently as they could to let you grow accustomed to the fullness in your stomach. they could both tell you were close and wanted to use you as much as possible until you withered for them. unexpectedly, they both began to thrust at a similarly aggressive rhythm, the feeling of both cocks fucking your insides driving you so insane, you could barely form coherent thoughts.

"nghh.. feels so so so good," you moaned shakily, your mind completely broken.

"good boy. such a good fucking boy," felix grunted as he collapsed onto his arms over you and minho's bodies, fucking into you feverishly. once you felt them both hit that specific spot in your prostate, you wailed, cumming all over both you and felix's stomach. the sight was enchanting, and made both men exclaim. "fuck, i'm gonna fucking cum!" minho moaned as you began to rock your hips into him to stimulate the men even more. "me... me too...," felix whined as they both simultaneously filled your hole to the brim with their cum.

as you all came down from your heightened states, you laid in each other's arms, catching your breath as you studied the features of the beautiful men intertwined with you. and all you could hope was that this would be happening again soon.

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