#i never knew i could miss me so much | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

uselessgay10101 · 3 months ago

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Me waiting for September 26th like

#i wanna see my wife #wives #one is possessed #the other is mad cuz Mc made oppsie #and excited to the Mc #Vyxaria #i never knew i could miss me so much #but seriously #i miss her sassy #dramatic #and bitchy demeanor #romance club #rc ava wong #rc Cynthia #rc vyxaria #rc soulless

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lazylittledragon · 5 months ago

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ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:

i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???

#ramble #sorry i'm currently in a phase of 'of course this happened' and 'oh i deserve this because i didn't give him what he wanted'#like he knew i was grey ace since the start. and he let it go on for SO long after i said i might be vaguely aro as well #if that's a dealbreaker for you bc of your love language then FINE but NIP IT IN THE BUD #he said he put it off because he didn't want to hurt my feelings but it only hurt me MORE #like you're an adult. grow the fuck up and communicate like one #holding your negative feelings in hoping somebody notices you're hiding them is what TEENAGERS do #and also i told him VERBATIM: i didn't think anyone would ever love me because i'm not comfortable with xyz. and he just confirmed that #idk i still feel like i'm being selfish because how could i expect someone to be in a relationship with me when i can't give them anything #also tmi but it's not like we did NOTHING. we still held hands/cuddled/were close. he just didn't have his tongue down my throat anymore #so obviously i'm assuming by 'missing affection' he just meant sex and as an ace person that just fucking sucks #also oh my god i HATED how much he would imply we were going to have sex. i would have to keep SAYING 'i don't like doing this'#he always spoke like it was inevitably going to happen and it didn't click how GROSS i felt about it until recently #also ALSO not to go there but i never told him WHY i struggle with it (it's sensory issues)#and like. what if something had happened to me that made it hard for me and i just wasn't ready to tell him. and then he did this #again sorry to overshare this is still just a lot for me and i have no idea if i'm being unreasonable #if you're ace and in a relationship please let me know bc i'm starting to think it'll end this way every single time

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uncanny-tranny · 1 year ago

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I love you smile lines and worry lines and grey and white hair and wrinkles and purple spiderweb veins and the process of aging and living in a body that is standing the test of times. I love you experiences that make you wiser and stories that make you laugh, and every little process that happens to get to the point where you have so many memories because you have the fortune to be here and be so radiant

#positivity #pro aging #also i hate you 'anti aging' scams that capitalize on fear of aging. death by 1000000 papercuts for ye #saw a hair video where they restored the salt-and-pepper colour in an older clients hair and it looked SO GOOD at the end #i love when people throw in the towel and embrace their aging however that looks #it isn't productive to shame people who are ashamed of aging and i just want to. celebrate aging #in a world that simultaneously venerates youth and adulthood and hates BOTH you need to find some sense of freedom #as a Young Adult(tm) please please PLEASE older folks seeing this/following me know that i look up to you #older folks i need you to know that your worth NEVER diminished when you added a new number on your birthday cake #and your body and mind and soul NEVER lost worth because it started to creak a little at the joints #and i might be wrong about this because i'm still young but it can be SO tempted to miss your youth when you feel like...#...you've somehow LOST part of yourself by growing older. and so much of aging is about change and some things don't stay the same...#...and that IS scary and i will never once fault somebody for that. but please don't fall into the trap that because you've aged that...#...you somehow have forever lost fundamental pieces of Who You Are and you could never come back from that...#...for your own sake and sanity you deserve to find comfort and solice and understanding in who you still are...#...because you are still - at the core - the same. you can never take this away from yourself #and i know this might ring hollow because i just don't get what it's like to be older #but i have looked at my elders and felt awe at their age and their experiences #and i know what that is like and it's awesome. i just wish more older people knew that so many of us look at you with awe...#...and - if you can believe it - some of us ENVY your age or experiences or even body #i'm watching an 'older' content creator (older by internet standards 🙄) and i envy him for how eventful his life was #i envy that he experienced a different world - one that i have only heard about from my dad because i was too young to remember it #and i admire this person for their wisdom and thoughts because they've come from his experiences living in a Different World #it's that type of stuff that makes me unafraid to keep on living #inspired by following somebody like. twice my age posting about their excitement abiut growing older and !!!!!!! YEAHHHHHH #didn't realize they were closer to my dad's age but that's so cool???????????

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sciderman · 8 months ago

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i opened tumblr during lunch and the first thing i saw was peter parker britney spears. two of my friends stared at my phone and audibly went “oh” thank you for the blessing

i've had so many people tell me "sci. the only thing i know about you is spider-man and britney spears". and i think that's all there is. you're welcome.

#sci speaks #sighs. i miss my old workplace. those guys were so fun. i miss playing britney in the office all day every day.#i was myself. so unapologetically. sighs. siiiighs.#this new job is killing me. i need to find a way to be more aggressively myself but i don't have the energy.#the job exhausts me so much. or maybe it's my biology that's doing it.#whatever it is something is fucking WRONG !!#i think working in a big company you kind of have to lose yourself a little. just because there are so many people.#like you don't know those people. you just don't know all those people. you could never hope to know all those people.#but in my old place i knew everyone and they knew ME! knew all my sexy nonsense. it felt like home. kick off my shoes.#sighs. what do you do sci. what do you do.#i don't think if i moved company it would help. it might get worse.

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skeletonstarz · 4 months ago

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Artistic GORE WARNING⚠️❗❗ just a wee bit of organs! So please if ur sqweemish don't scroll down to the very bottom.⚠️🤯🤢

Doodle dump cause today was a big dump.....

Now all I gotta say is........

IM GONNA WRECK It!

Yeah I watched the super duper famous King candy/ Turbo analysis essay YouTube video about hmm...let me think FOUR TIMES!!!!. I'm obsessed with this damn movie THE WORLD AND THAT HEAPING PILE OF DOG SHIT CALLED... WRECK IT RALPH-BREAK THE INTERNET DIDN'T ANSWER ANYTHING. NOTHING. FUCKING NADDA. UGH DO THESE VIDEO GAME CHARACTERS PAY TAXES? INSURANCES? WHAT DO THE LIL VIDEO GAME SHACKS IN THE GAME CENTRAL STATION EVEN DO??!?! NEXT WINDOW?!? THE FUCK DO THEY NEED?? I NEED ANSWERS. oh. TURBOS GAY EVIL SONG...? SCRATCHED OUT- GONE. I WANNA HEAR ALAN TYUDK SING NEOW. NEOW. NEOW. MEOW. MEOW

Sorry I got passionate. So anyway I drew vanellope cause she is THE vanellope von fuckujg schweetz! And then me and my friends sugar rush ocs. Mine is Sawyer sourbearz and her's is Gemma gummiwormz, they are the sour twinz a little older than the rest of the sugar crew. Sawyer is 10 and gemma is 11 💪😸 also for the shits and giggles the twinz are kinda outcasted (mostly Sawyer) because They r the children of the candy corn and they aren't even the bottom of the barrel for my WIR ocs...yeah that's right there IS MORE.

The Dhmis is a redraw, I drew the dingy lookin one on the right on a piece of scrap paper 2 years ago and kept it cause I liked how it looked...even if I colored ducks cardigan blue..😔

#dhmis fanart #dont hug me im scared #fanart #doodle #sketchbook art #bleh bleh bleh #like dracula ya know?#oh oh also im a crazy mercymaker shipper so be prepared #get it like scar from the lion king #wreck it ralph #vanellope von schweetz #vanellope von schweetz fanart #turbotastic #wreck it ralph turbo #Dhmis fanart.#never knew i could tag so much HASHTAG !#no longer a dumppy day!#i miss my wife

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razberrypuck · 8 months ago

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rotating henry emily in my mind

#clarifying now that this is abt the games #the fandom at large is missing out on henrys character i think and its such a shame #bc he + his dynamic with william are sososo interesting #like this isnt abt anyone specific but it seems like most people portray him as just another parent that lost a kid (but Plot Relevant)#but the thing is. he was completely complicit in the missing childrens incident. he wasnt actively helping william or anything #but he KNEW it was him From The Beginning. he KNEW william was a threat. but the only time he ever said anything was To William Directly.#we dont talk enough abt the candy cadet story about the boy and the snake. or the “bear of vengeance” cutscenes.#that is will and henry. that is Very Directly What Happened in 1985.#in a lot of theories (coughgametheorycough) its stated that henry kicked william out. except william left on his own.#henry was upset with him yes he tried to confront him yes but he could NEVER kick him out.#the boy could not bear to get rid of the snake #and all of that is. so much more compelling than henry being demoted to the sidelines.#rrghfgrgrrh anyway. ask me about. fnaf.#fnaf #five nights at freddy's #henry emily

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perilegs · 2 months ago

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i miss horses

#horseback riding is insanely expensive in big cities though #idk if ive talked about it here but i did do horseback riding for i think six? or seven years? something like that #i was super lucky i got to do that bc i was able to get my equipment 2nd hand and #and my mom had 2 jobs and she thinks every kid should have at least one sports hobby and #she knew how much being able to do riding would mean to me so she made it happen and #it did so good for me so i'm very thankful #*did so much good #man i was in such a good shape when i still did riding. by good shape i mean great ass.#anyways i was even pretty good at it. the coach always wabted me to compete but i was like #''hmm no ♡'' bc i didnt want to have to learn and remember what to do at which point #i do sometimes think about what if i started competing #probably not much bc idk if it works with someone elses horse but hey i could have gotten ribbons #anyways i miss it #i dont think i could even get on a horse anymore. i need to start stretching regularly #also im probably too heavy to ride a lot of horses #but i want to brush a horse so bad rn #pretty recently after i stopped riding someone asked me if i did ride bc they could see it on the way i carry myself #which was interesting but i get what they meant #sigh my posture was so much better too #also im kinda scare i wouldnt bounce back from falling like i did when i was younger #it's a miracle i never broke anything or worse #leevi talks

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nest-being · 21 days ago

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there is not enough caffeine in the world to address how tired i am 🥴

#it's the 12 year anniversary of my father's death and i just couldn't sleep well :/#not to mention how fucking hot it was last night????#but yeah #the more time passes the more it kinda eats at me #it should be the other way around but my relationship with my dad was complicated and i'm still trying to process it #i used to post on fb about it every year but i can't handle the onslaught of his friends telling me what a great guy he was #and how well they all knew him and i never had that relationship with him #it's selfish but it hurts knowing i was like a stranger to him #i have so few photos with him and so few memories #most of them were on facebook which his ex wife didn't hesitate to delete the moment he died #also i hate thinking this way but he had a huge estate when he died like $500k or something like that with heaps of community donations #and from that i got... $1400...#it's pointless but sometimes i wonder if life wouldn't have been so hard if i had gotten some of that money :/#anyway despite all this i do love him and miss him #i can still remember the way his voice sounded when he would call out my name after not seeing me for a while #and he was the only one who would listen to me talk at length about steampunk and anime #when i did get to see him he would always try to share quirky things from his childhood with me #i miss him so much #i always thought i'd have a chance to connect with him when i was older but he died so suddenly the chance never came #the same with my brother #i wish i could talk to them one last time and tell them i love them

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icewindandboringhorror · 2 months ago

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It's always interesting to hear about people's weird/unexpected "alternate life paths". Like, something that you could have done with your life, a job you almost took, a school you almost went to, etc - that was still actually realistic enough that it could have happened, but NOW it seems to not suit your current personality.

Like for example, I currently hate advertising (how manipulative it is, brands trying to be 'relatable', social media amplifying it to an obnoxious extreme, etc.) so much that even seeing a little ad before a youtube video is grating to even witness, but there was a point in time where I was genuinely seriously considering going into marketing/making commercials as a career lol. Or like, I have a relative who was very inclined to be a pastor when they were younger, even though today they're a super strong atheist, etc. etc.

#BECAUSE I knew I really liked filming and editing things and doing set design and costume design (from having done little bits of that #here and there in media classes and my own stuff - i used to be a lot more into making videos than I am now). BUT I was always thinking #that a movie is WAAY to big and long. even a short film. So I was trying to think of ways I could still like #have the fun of scouting locations to film and dressing up actors and etc. etc. without it having to be a Huge Million Dollar Production #on tv show or movie level. SO then I was thinking about like... just doing commercials. Or music videos. Like shorter things where I still #get the fun of the filming and everything but it's less of an intensive long term project.#So there is an alternate version of me (I suppose if i somehow did not end up having physical and mental health issues #as badly somehow.. or like.. randomly came into wealth and was able to pay my way through a nice college despite missing #days constantly being out because I'm sick or something lol) that works in some corporate advertising office coming up with commercials #and directing or filming them or doing the sets for them or something in that general vicinity.#I also was considering being a corporate psychologist. or whatever its called.. oh from google:#''Industrial and organizational (I/O) psychologists study and assess individual group and organization dynamics in the workplace''#I don't think I even knew what the job entailed. I was at the time just thinking like.. the type of person that comes into a business offic #and gives everyone personality assessments or does MBTI or big-5 testing crap for whatever reason that some businesses get that #done for people. Really i just wanted to be in a Corporate Big Office setting yet still do psychology. Because I used to be really fixated #on living in a big city. Like the ideas of everything being walkable. picking up a coffee in the morning. walking to my job in a Big #Skyscraper Building. people watching in a huge hotel lobby for lunch. flying frequently (I love airplanes and airports aesthetically).#living in an apartment with a giant window overlooking the city. etc. etc. BUT that was before i had really BEEN to a city. Then I actually #hung around a city a few times and went places and I was like... AUGh... The Sensory Overwhelm.. cars people lights loudness noise scary #everything happening all at once. etc. etc. (though even when I wanted to live in a city i NEVER strove for the Night Life. when i say I #enjoy city imagery I mean like... in the day time. Many people who like cities talk about The Night Life and post pictures of cities all #lit up at night and clubs and dancing and restaurants. none of that EVER appealed to me. perhaps a sign I am not a real city person. Like #I am NOT standing in a crowded bar full of loud people in the middle of the night lol.. get AWAY from me!!) but I do adore the #architecture of like bright white clean sterile modern spaces like huge airport lobbies or malls or etc. I think thats what reminded me of #city and what I liked about the idea of that life. Like I always LOVED the layout of schools and hospitals and trainstations and public #transport in general. Though even then I knew enough that I would not be a good architect/city planner. so I guess my adoration for those #spaces was merely to be channeled into LIVING there. but then I realized I didn't even really want to do that that much. I mean I still #definitely aim to live NEAR a city. like the little areas outside of it. I would never live in a rural place 4 hours from anything. I liter #ally just COULDNT since I need close access to hospitals sometimes lol. But I used to want to live in the CENTER of citites like high rise #condo. and now I'm like.... eh....... perhaps a smaller quieter walkable space nearby lol.. ANYWAY.. alternate me in my Business Suit eheh

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cold-neon-ocean · 11 months ago

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Posting this by itself because :) I just feel like he should have gotten to wear the mech pilot suit at least once..

(my AU black version and the og green)

#Legend of Korra #Baatar Jr.#LoK #WIP #[ since this is from something silly I wanted to post this bit because he is serving very cunty #even if you know he's talking about accidentally ingesting caustic chemicals lol #this was def self indulgent but also why couldn't he have worn the suit at least once sobs #we had one chance #I don't actually think he uses the mech suit hardly ever even though he has his own personal one #but on rare occasions he does and gets in this outfit and Kuvira are you okay? Are you good? Has anyone checked on her?#I feel like this outfit is what causes her to take a serious sanity hit LOL #she just drags him away by the hood and no one sees them again for like 4 hours #or she's just like “You know what I think he could use my help :)” and proceeds to be everything but helpful #idk how anything in this regime gets done I swear #the most Baatar ever used the mech suits was when they were first being built #idk dude I love a man in a working uniform sobs #I knew someone would recognize the mech pilot suit hehe that made me smile because yeah :)))#it felt good to draw Baatar again sobs I love him so much I've missed him #I do kinda wish this sketch was cleaner but I wanted to at least post it now in case I never did lol #I should to a proper illust of him in the pilot suit one day just for the pure self indulgence of it all #give myself a lill treat you know? ]#Neon Ocean Art

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front-facing-pokemon · 1 year ago

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#RIP to the legacy post editor. you will be missed. while queueing this post and the last one it's removed the option for me to switch to the #old one and is making me use the new one. which is like not bad. it's not a bad editor. i just don't like change as most tumblr users don't #it also just appends the post you make directly to the top of the currently-displayed posts behind it even if it's not meant to go there #which is a little bit scary when i'm on the queue page and i click “add to queue” for a post that's supposed to go up on august 18th #to see it immediately appear above mega metagross. the legacy post editor didn't do that. it made you refresh the page if you wanted to see #your own new post on the dashboard. which i think was better!! honestly!! i've never Made a post using the new editor to see how it behaves #only ever queued up FFP using this thang. but that's also bc i feel like i don't post very much. i need smth Interesting to say when i post #on my main blog i mean. i don't make extraneous posts on here (usually) unless i'm answering an ask or something. which. still have yet to #miss one to this day. going strong #bibarel #can you tell idk what to say about this guy. what are they‚ water-type? big chance i'm fucking wrong and they're just pure normal #OKAY i was right. normal/water. semi-interesting typing and i get why they're a water-type. but. i never use. bibarel. even as a kid who #didn't understand or care about competitive. i knew bibarel was not very strong. it's a route 1 normal-type fucker. and maybe it's like #better than i think or something but tbqh it's a sinnoh 'mon and i already have another sinnoh water-type that has my heart. buizel #so bibarel was not so much in the cards for me. bro i should do like. a mono-type run of a pokémon game one day. that would be fu #do folks do that? is that a challenge run that actually exists? nuzlockes exist so i don't see why not. okay i'm doing it. my next replay o #any pokémon game is hereby decreed to be a water-type mono-type run. i may or may not liveblog it on my main blog #and it may or may not be nuzlocke. we shall see #hell maybe i'll stream it. maybe that could be fun. i don't know of *anyone* who would be interested in that but it tends to help me #actually go about completing games when i have someone there like. waiting for me to do so

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freebooter4ever · 4 days ago

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What do you miss most about Pittsburgh?

Oh gosh, that's a question! I mean aside from the obvious answer of my old dance buddy lettia or naeem.

I miss pittsburgh's community, specifically the very music and art oriented one i was in. There's community here in LA but its all about fame, and money, and celebrity, and how you can use other people to get ahead. Just the other day i saw an influencer i actually kinda admired brag about meeting someone who out of respect for them + their privacy i have never never mentioned because i met them as a friend first. And it felt so weird seeing this person i know be used as click bait for the influencer's hits/likes/subscriptions. It kind of jolted some reality into me about how this city operates even in the smaller circles i run in. Its like the vibes in LA are all about 'being someone' and self importance. If someone is only going to respect me for my money (or disrespect me for my lack of money), or who i know, or credits to my name, i dont think i want their respect anyway.

Pittsburgh though - nobody was anybody in pittsburgh so we didnt fucking care, lol. It was a lot easier to go to things, to feel connected. There was an emphasis on diy, where it didnt matter who you were or who you knew if you had a good idea there was a chance it could happen. There were things like Art All Night and the various music festivals in the different neighborhoods. I was most connected to the music scene so i miss the casual afternoon concerts in someone's tiny apartment with everyone crowded around the band. The basement parties, the dancing. Ted's rowhouse was on fisk street so when i lived there with friends i really enjoyed how much of a community space it was - people were always coming and going off of butler street, movie nights, human chess parties. It definitely could feel too small sometimes - literally everybody knew everyone and everybody dated everyone. The year i left two of my ex boyfriends were living in the same house and i cant tell you the number of 'male harem' jokes i got about that one. Or the number of times a dude wanted to date me and when i said 'no' i immediately got excluded from an entire friend group. But no matter how frustrating the smallness got, i still was also aware of how special it was. Its also mostly over - a lot of my friends from that time have since dispersed to other cities. I think moments like that are fleeting, but thats what makes them unique.

But even with all that said, you know what my favorite thing to do in pittsburgh was?

Driving

and ok ok that probably sounds stupid. And it probably does not help that im in LA where driving is now the second level of hell. But even compared to seattle or nyc or other places i lived, driving in pittsburgh was just so much fun and you cant recreate that anywhere else. I once saw a data visualization of the main cities of the US and places like LA and even NYC were nicely laid out squares but pittsburgh was just this insane clusterfuck pencil scribble, and thats truly it. Cause not only do you have over 100 bridges and lots of one way roads that will funnel you onto a bridge you absolutely dont want to go over but whoops guess you're going anyway, but this city was also built on a cluster of hills. Thats what makes up the various neighborhoods - and the roads that connect these hills through hollows and over forests - are the most confusing rat maze you can imagine. For every one way to go there's also probably a dozen other options and mentally calculating which route will be fastest taking into account traffic and distance and 'speed limit' is a skill only acquired after years of living in the city. And if you have a tiny car and nasc*ar level driving skills thanks to the multiple generations of engineers in your family....driving up and down those hills is just a joy. It also, uh, helped that I made my own hours so worked from 11am - 3am most days and avoided all traffic. And in the city proper the pigs arent allowed to r*adar so as long as you knew where the speed traps were you could...uhhh... Be lenient. I only ever got pulled over once and that was because one time in the spring of 2016 i went home from work early one night and these asshole hockey fans were taking up the entire street around the rink that would get me onto bigelow and connect me to lawrenceville. And since i couldnt go down that one street, becaues its pittsburgh, i had to go in the complete opposite direction to find another route home which took like an extra fifteen minutes. And yeah i got pulled over, started crying and explaining i was just trying to get home from work, and they let me go. But damn those hockey fans. :P (but also had i realized you could go hangout outside and watch the hockey game on giant screens with a huge crowd of fellow broke but dedicated weirdos, i totally would have loved that. Thats what pittsburgh is all about lmao)

Anyway one of my old friends moved from pitt to LA, and then he moved from LA to shanghai. And i once asked him would he move back to LA and his response was that he couldn't imagine living in LA again after living in a Proper City like shanghai. And he made it clear that he saw being able to 'make it' in larger and larger cities as like...a mark of his personal progress. But me? Im a small town girl unfortunately. I still dream about the day i can fuck off to live in a cabin in the woods somewhere.