#i needed to get The Blorbos out of my system i had been wanting to draw more bbbb art for like 3 days now SKENREJGERKGJERKBJNE

[karikoolzer]

quick and kinda shitty redraw of the blu ray release art

[lightyaoigami]

☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ how to resume ⋆｡ﾟ☾｡⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎ ﾟ

after 10 years & 6 jobs in corporate america, i would like to share how to game the system. we all want the biggest payoff for the least amount of work, right?

know thine enemy: beating the robots

i see a lot of misinformation about how AI is used to scrape resumes. i can't speak for every company but most corporations use what is called applicant tracking software (ATS).

no respectable company is using chatgpt to sort applications. i don't know how you'd even write the prompt to get a consumer-facing product to do this. i guarantee that target, walmart, bank of america, whatever, they are all using B2B SaaS enterprise solutions. there is not one hiring manager plinking away at at a large language model.

ATS scans your resume in comparison to the job posting, parses which resumes contain key words, and presents the recruiter and/or hiring manager with resumes with a high "score." the goal of writing your resume is to get your "score" as high as possible.

but tumblr user lightyaoigami, how do i beat the robots?

great question, y/n. you will want to seek out an ATS resume checker. i have personally found success with jobscan, which is not free, but works extremely well. there is a free trial period, and other ATS scanners are in fact free. some of these tools are so sophisticated that they can actually help build your resume from scratch with your input. i wrote my own resume and used jobscan to compare it to the applications i was finishing.

do not use chatgpt to write your resume or cover letter. it is painfully obvious. here is a tutorial on how to use jobscan. for the zillionth time i do not work for jobscan nor am i a #jobscanpartner i am just a person who used this tool to land a job at a challenging time.

the resume checkers will tell you what words and/or phrases you need to shoehorn into your bullet points - i.e., if you are applying for a job that requires you to be a strong collaborator, the resume checker might suggest you include the phrase "cross-functional teams." you can easily re-word your bullets to include this with a little noodling.

don't i need a cover letter?

it depends on the job. after you have about 5 years of experience, i would say that they are largely unnecessary. while i was laid off, i applied to about 100 jobs in a three-month period (#blessed to have been hired quickly). i did not submit a cover letter for any of them, and i had a solid rate of phone screens/interviews after submission despite not having a cover letter. if you are absolutely required to write one, do not have chatgpt do it for you. use a guide from a human being who knows what they are talking about, like ask a manager or betterup.

but i don't even know where to start!

i know it's hard, but you have to have a bit of entrepreneurial spirit here. google duckduckgo is your friend. don't pull any bean soup what-about-me-isms. if you truly don't know where to start, look for an ATS-optimized resume template.

a word about neurodivergence and job applications

i, like many of you, am autistic. i am intimately familiar with how painful it is to expend limited energy on this demoralizing task only to have your "reward" be an equally, if not more so, demoralizing work experience. i don't have a lot of advice for this beyond craft your worksona like you're making a d&d character (or a fursona or a sim or an OC or whatever made up blorbo generator you personally enjoy).

and, remember, while a lot of office work is really uncomfortable and involves stuff like "talking in meetings" and "answering the phone," these things are not an inherent risk. discomfort is not tantamount to danger, and we all have to do uncomfortable things in order to thrive. there are a lot of ways to do this and there is no one-size-fits-all answer. not everyone can mask for extended periods, so be your own judge of what you can or can't do.

i like to think of work as a drag show where i perform this other personality in exchange for money. it is much easier to do this than to fight tooth and nail to be unmasked at work, which can be a risk to your livelihood and peace of mind. i don't think it's a good thing that we have to mask at work, but it's an important survival skill.

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ good luck ⋆｡ﾟ☾｡⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎ ﾟ｡⋆

[dailyadventureprompts]

So I've been reading Triangle Agency...

For those not in the know: Triangle Agency is a new weird/corporate horror TTRPG heavily inspired by things like the X files, Delta Green, and Control. You work as agents for the titular organization which sends you out to stabilize reality by dealing with various paranatural Anomalies.

Don't think of this as a review, until I sit down at a table and play this system over a few sessions I won't be able to tell you how well it actually works. What I can tell you is what the game is trying to accomplish with its storytelling and mechanics, and what it's trying to do is interesting.

Unlike a lot of TTRPGs I've read, triangle agency is not interested in giving you a system that you can use to tell whatever story you want. Instead I can compare it to a tabletop version of a choice heavy videogame like Disco Elysium or Bg3: where engaging with the story/mechanics will lead you to one of the endings the authors prepared for you. This is not to say the system is inflexible, that you can't put your own spin on it, GMs can design missions however they want, and player choice is a major focus, but as long as you're playing the game you're furthering the meta story.

As such, this might be the first game that I'd consider running out of the box with only pre-prepped adventures, which is shocking considering how much of a homebrewer I am. Instead, I'd be interested in putting a group of players in this game and just seeing what it does to them, though it'd have to be a very specific group of players than my regular ol gaming group.

The ideal Triangle Agency player is one that's got a primary focus on storytelling over mechanics, who're interested in making big narrative swings happen as a result of their choices. They also need to be comfortable with improv storytelling, as the primary means of interacting with the game requires a quick " what if" session to justify how you're moulding reality into a new shape:

Where another game might have you roll your character's strength for something as simple as kicking down a locked door, Triangle Agency has your party brainstorming a reason why the door would be weak enough for you to kick down in the first place: IE the building has a termite problem, and the hinges were subject to poor storage conditions by the contractor who installed the door. Then you roll. If you succeed, the door is knocked down, the building has a termite problem and has *always* had a termite problem, and an entire human being, Gary the negligent contractor, has been spoken into existence. You are likely to meet him on your next mission.

In many ways this is explicitly like Blades in the Dark's flashback mechanic, except made an explicit part of the game world. Your characters have the same reality distorting abilities of the Anomalies they're hunting, and they have to be careful lest they delete whole swaths of their life trying to angle for a better roll.

This is where we get into Triangle Agency's focus on character, and the secondary requirement that players be the type to get invested in their eldritch business blorbo as they are subjected to various corporate horrors™. This is a game interested in change whether it manifests as choice, trauma, or metamorphosis, and the ante for these interactions is your player/characters investment in the world. Part of this is with your character's contacts, NPCs who are as essential to an agent's build as their anomalous superpowers or their job with the Agency. To give extra weight to these relationships, each one is portrayed by another player at the table, which I thought was an ingenious way to not only take the burden off the GM, but also to give players more screen time even when their primary agent is off stage.

That leads me to the genius primary progression mechanic: The choice between whether to spend time with your Agent's contacts, focus on their Agency job, or delve into the eldritch truth of their powers, and how to split their finite time off between them. Here we get player choice, story, and mechanics all tied together in a neat little package as progression along any of these tracks unlock new abilities while also revealing more and more of the game's secrets. Possibilities for the game's story open up/are blocked off specifically with how the players choose to personally spend their XP, and if that's not a feat of game design ( or more aptly, craft) I don't know what is.

Final Thoughts: Despite having a delightful time reading the rulebook/optional mission pack (Seriously, the vibes are stellar) I don't know if I'm actually going to get to play Triangle Agency at any point in the near future. I think getting the most out of this game depends so much on finding the right playgroup for it and then pouring in enough time to unlock one of the endings. I'd want to see the mechanism of it's story/mechanics/drama play out, but doing so is one heck of a commitment.

However, if you've got a group full of storytellers that are up for the challenge and you're looking for something substantial to play next, I don't think I could recommend it enough.

I'm also going to be keeping my eyes out for longform actual plays of this one, I'd love to see what a group of performers could do with this.

[glitter-stained]

Sense the current state of jason as character is stagnant do you think dc will ever purplish a good story of him, maybe he even kills of his red hood persona and goes on to be something else that would be something I would like to see but I don’t think it will happen. Dc will forever shoehorn him in to the batfamily. At least in his anti-villian era he was actually fun now his character is in a pitiful state

do u think theirs a chance of reinvent him as character anytime soon ?

Well first of all through spite everything is possible, so jot that down.

Like seriously, remember when it was so so incredibly over like Spiderman's Uncle Ben levels of over and then Under the Hood happened? Hell yeah I think dc will publish a good Jason story

Second I may not be the best person for this ask because I like my blorbos pitiful and miserable. Like yeah defiance is awesome but exhaustion -in characters who have been angry and alone for so long, beaten dog who got electrocuted too often to bite back- has a special place in my heart. But I also agree this has to be a transitional part of a story, the arc can't be "well he was hurt and then he was angry and then he was tired and he was miserable the whole time". Unless of course he ends up perma-dying in a really meaningful arc centered around his character but I'm not sure that'd be what I want for him, and we all know how lame dc is with permadeath nowadays. I'm also very mitigated with his villain side because yeah sometimes it's very fun and cathartic to see the angry/bad victim trope, but also the classismXpsychophobia of villain Red Hood sometimes are just too much; and also I'm a jaybin fan and sometimes I feel betrayed on jaybin's behalf by elements of his villainous characterization. (One day I'll write that damned UTH rewrite, I will).

With that being said!!! I love Jason because of his potential, he has so so much of it, that's what's exhausting about his many bad comics is that yeah. Yeah, dc can absolutely publish something more than good. They don't understand the goldmine they're sitting on in terms of potential.

What I'd love to see explored in hypothetical upcoming good comics (i'll talk more about it later with malfiora but for now)/how dc could go about reinventing his character :

1) addressing Jason's suicidality and getting him a functional support system (seriously, something's gotta give)

2) Get that boy a dog. Ik he had one at some point in N52 idc give him more dogs. Big ass rescue dog that's loyal and similar to him.

2) we need to figure out a way to let Jason keep being a Crime Alley/Park Row vigilant without being dependent on Batman. Like yeah he should explore the world away from him and heal but also i'm very uncomfortable with the idea that healing, for Jason, has to mean leaving the city and neighbourhood he grew up in and protected, has to mean be shoved out of his home by a guy who doesn't live there and, at least when Jason was a kid, only visited the place one time a year because of the anniversary of his parents' death- it's not fair and I won't accept it.

3) I so so agree about the "killing the red hood persona" or at the very least changing his vigilant name. Like I get the point, I understand the use he had for him, but his story can't be centered around the Joker forever (I keep thinking about the Joker's attitude to him in The Man who stopped Laughing and god, I can see a driving force to find himself as something else than what Batman and the Joker made him). At some point his name has to become something that is his and turned towards the future.

4) art + story that acknowledges how young he is (someone please let Jason take college class please please he deserves it)

5) perhaps most importantly: batman writers often sound like hardcore deontology or hardcore utilitarianism (and the occasional egoism) are the only acceptable moral philosophies. And for characters, it works! Like I can see Batman as a Kantian, sure. But for others, it doesn't fit as well.*

The cool thing about Jason's character right now is that he's a utilitarian, but a utilitarian that often isn't guided by his values. He can and will compromise on his philosophy in the name of love and being loved ( @bestangelofall called that a morality leash) and that already sets him as an interesting character in his own right. But in terms of redefining himself as a person after decades of defining himself through his pain (which, at 20-23 years old, he should get to do) I'd love to see an evolution of his morals based on love. Specifically, I'd love from his morals to shift from mathematical utilitarianism to agape, an ancient greek concept of platonic love for everything human, a movement towards the other that can be thought of as close to some conceptualisations of empathy. Mind you, that doesn't mean that he would stop killing! I can believe in a Jason who kills because or against of agape, the pain or relief that could be so good to explore in relation to that, how he would go on to define himself as a person... I feel like Jason has a certain tendency to kinda dehumanize the worst criminals as he kills them (a lesson from Judy, love her sm) which I love, but would also love to see him grow out of - learn to see and love everyone as human and what it means, a re-exploration of his empathy.

Imagine: a scene where he kills a guy because a kid victim begged him to. The focus on the image is on the kid's big wide tearstruck eyes, and then Jason's uncertain face, the kid begging him to kill the bad guy. And then Jason kills him and they're standing so close to eachother, and he's look him in the eyes and seeing the image of the kid's eyes, and then turning back to the kid while wiping the blood on his face and seeing the kid's wide eyes looking in disbelieving awe. And then kneeling and hugging the kid as he cries his heart out. And Jason's inner monologue during all that being something like "I could say that I killed him because I'm a bad guy; I probably am. Or argue the world is better off without scum like him; I could pretend I did it so he wouldn't hurt [x] again, or that I was thinking about all the other children he wouldn't be able to hurt anymore. But the truth is, I didn't. I killed him because [x] asked me to; because I could tell that he needed it. I can live with that."

Idk, that's the direction I would love to see it going, but simply "becoming even more open, louder and unapologetic about prioritising his love over his values, and being angry when it causes him dilemma" is something I'd love with as way. Very "Odysseus knows what he's going to choose the moment the gods tell him to throw the baby off the wall to see Penelope and Telemachus, but fuck if he's angry at the gods for making him make that choice" kind of vibe if you like Epic the musical.

*i'm not saying there aren't any characters in dc that fall out of this deontological/utilitarian false dilemma, it's just a vibe I get from batman writers at times, and as a consequence of specializing in one character I don't feel legitimate in exploring the intricacies of other characters because I feel like I'm lacking information and would be making uneducated guesses (that being said, I would fuck heavily with an exploration of Cass' morals VS Levinas' concept of ethics). If anybody has recommendations of dc characters that are neither utilitarian nor deontological (or are at least an interesting twist to it) I would love them so much please don't hesitate!!!

So yeah, idk if that answers your question, I don't pretend to know the intricate working of dc editorial. But imo there are wonderful possibilities for dc to reinvent Jason and write him into good comics -call me a blue lantern cause baby I got hope.

[brucewaynehater101]

I severely need Tim to get hit by The Clench a second time. I need him to cough blood and bleed from all orifices. I need him to get back on that medical bed and wrapped with a whole bunch of bandages. I want Tim to be on the verge of hopelessness because he doesn't believe he would make it. I want Bruce to be so firm in his denial, everyone believes his words as truth, making Tim super bitter on the inside but feeling touched that he actually cares. I want Tim to be on the verge of death, and Jason and Damian doing their utmost best to find a cure for Tim, but there's not enough time and their best doesn't feel like it's enough and. I need Dick to be his original, unhinged, rageful self on the warpath for whoever had the wonderful idea to give his baby brother The Clench a second time. I need Cass breaking bones and putting people on the verge of death because she's scared and angry and no one can stop her, not until her little brother is safe. And why Tim? Why not any other character? *grabs you by the face and squishes your cheeks* Because that boi is my blorbo and things need to happen to him

Tim barely survived the Clench with a fully functioning immune system. I doubt he'd survive a second dose... but that could be part of the angst.

Maybe he survives because Bruce already has the cure on hand, or maybe Ra's al Ghul releases a different deadly disease to take out Tim.

For Tim, I don't think slowly withering away in bed is something he can handle. He's meant to be up and helping others. He'd be so frustrated with his failing health, his constant sleeping (which loses a ton of time), and how his family hovers around him. He feels miserable (pain, fever, shaking limbs, vomiting, etc). He just wants to feel okay again. He wants his family to stop looking at him like that. He doesn't have enough energy to reassure or help them.

Tim is clenching the bed sheets as another family member sits by his bedside and confesses their regrets in case this is it. He hears the distinct pitches, tones, and defense mechanisms as they apologize for past transgression. With the way Tim's voice keeps sputtering into coughs, he can't interrupt or absolve them. He wishes they wouldn't do this.

He had forgiven them long ago.

Damian, a kid who's seen so much death, shouldn't be so shaken at Drake's frail figure. The sight of the person he's just starting to accept as his brother shouldn't cause the younger one's hands to shake. Tim has always been fallible (Damian has seen it when he pushed Tim off that dinosaur), but he's never been so defenseless and weak. The youngest Wayne can hardly leave his post at Tim's door or bedside.

[bluedalahorse]

August for the character breakdown game!

Or if someone else already named him, how about [one secondary character of your choice] from YR?

August you asked for, and August you shall receive! I was hoping someone would ask me about him, and I’m really glad you did.

How I feel about this character: Good lord. The absolute perfect storm of what this character did to my psyche. I am not going to lie that I spent a lot of first season (and significant parts of second and third) screaming at him. And sometimes he makes me really mad at him even now! At the same time, he’s well-written and well-acted and terribly interesting, and I have wanted him to be able to figure stuff out and fix his life from the moment I learned that his father died by suicide and he’s dealing with traumatic grief. I have wanted to climb through the TV screen and pluck him out of an environment like Hillerska. August is such a fascinating example of the way the system fails even those it’s supposed to protect. I just want to break him out of the system, and write him into new situations. In conclusion, what a tragic blorbo I seem to have acquired. (Totally valid if he isn’t other people’s but I see why he’s mine.)

All the people I ship romantically with this character: First and foremost, Sara. I have a weakness for them as two weirdos who see a similar sort of loneliness and want in one another, who get drawn together even though there are plenty of reasons that that’s a bad idea. There are so many stories that can be written about them still. I think Sara breaking up with August was where their relationship needed to be at the end of season three, but I’m not ruling out futures-with-growth-and-therapy or alternate universes. They have the potential to be just as epic as any other pairing on the show! Outside of Sara… well, in my Nils post I talked about how much I ship August/Nils, and how there’s so much there that is currently untapped by fandom. And then Simon/August and Alexander/August are ideas that intrigue me, even though those are more in the realm of deliberate disaster fics.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: I came out of season 3 really enjoying the terrible preppy boy friendship trio so August and Nils and Vincent’s friendship dynamic fascinates me. As someone who went to an odd little college with a lot of traditions, I could relate to it a lot. The people who’ve been in close quarters with you, who you’ve had fun with, but who you’ve also been jealous of and you’re constantly on one another’s nerves… man. I really felt seen by that kind of complexity! I also have to admit I have a soft spot for August and Wille’s relationship, since Malte and Edvin have a lot of chemistry together, and because it seems like August and Wille’s healing is so interdependent. I could talk about that for ages, really.

My unpopular opinion about this character: I cannot even pick one to share because I’m fairly sure most of my opinions about August are unpopular. Liking August itself, in a way a fan does where you want to write fanfic focused on him or ship him with other characters or envision a more healed future for him—even if you repeatedly write multiple paragraph disclaimers about the harm that he did—kind of feels unpopular. And I wish it was a little less unpopular. And maybe my unpopular opinion is that the unpopularity of this opinion (August is indeed worthy of our fannishness) is not wholly by accident. I have no beef with the portion of fandom that just doesn’t particularly like him and doesn’t care to explore him in fanworks. Sometimes you don’t like the dark-haired Byronic asshole and that’s a valid personal preference! And for some people, engaging with August as a character isn’t something they can do with full emotional safety, and I would never want people to have to engage with him if that’s the case for them. He does do legitimate harm. At the same time, there is also a second current in fandom that is actively hostile to fans engaging with August in a fannish way, that uses language in a way that reduces him to his absolute worst deeds and does bad faith readings of any post that dares to explore him beyond the harm he does. I’ve heard stories of sargust edits on TikTok getting endless hate comments, and talked to writers who’ve wanted to write August-centric fic but figured it wouldn’t be worth not getting many hits. I’ve watched an adorable video where Edvin and Malte get interviewed together, only to see that the comments section was full of fans demanding Omar be in the video and not Malte. And I’m just thinking… why are people tearing stuff like this down? Why get angry about there being the bare minimum of nuanced August content out there? It’s not erasing any of the tens of thousands of Wilmon fics and edits. It’s not giving August more screentime in the show or having him take over as main character because the show is already finished. The way that Sara (and by extension Frida) gets caught in the crossfire is doubly upsetting. The lack of August and sargust and nilgust fanworks may be partially due to lack of interest on the part of some fans, but I can’t ignore that active hostility on the part of other fans has also played a role in who sticks around fandom and what they create. And that makes me terribly terribly sad. Because I look at other fandoms and it looks like they have more room for nuanced approaches. Like Interview with the Vampire fandom is having so much fun with Devil’s Minion and I don’t think we have anything like that.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I wish August and Simon had more of a chance to interact in season 3 without Wille there. I’ve talked before about how Wille and Simon have fundamentally different issues with August, and that they aren’t actually as united against him as Wille seems to think when he gets all hypermasculine and protective. I don’t actually think Simon and August could have resolved all their issues in one season, and they might not be able to period. But they might benefit from some kind of restorative conversations, even if those end in a place of non-closure. And there’s a lot that’s similar in their experiences that they don’t even know about. The worst thing is, it feels like the show is aware of this, and maybe had some moments in mind, but then cut them. Like why have that scene in 2.3 where August tells Vincent to shut up when Vincent’s being awful to Simon? Why have Simon be the one who names August’s eating disorder? I feel like they were meant to have more, and maybe it got cut because it didn’t involve Wilhelm. And honestly that makes me so sad, too.

This got horrendously long-winded and I apologize. But hopefully my answers were worth reading!

[daisywords]

5, 6, 9 for 2024 reads asks :)

5. Crowd Pleaser: Book you would recommend to almost anyone

Till We Have Faces by C.S. Lewis

Listen. It's really Great Literature. Also it's really good. You get it. Feels fantasy-esque enough to recommend to fantasy fans but also High Quality Literature enough to recommend to people that don't know how to have fun. Made me experience shrimp emotions and feel personally attacked and have blorbo thoughts but also it's like objectively really excellent stuff. Best thing C.S. Lewis ever wrote imo. Would recommend if you are religious or if you aren't. wow. I need to reread this book. It's not even that long; I read it in one day. If you write it will make you a better writer. if you are a human being it will make you understand something new about being a human being.

6. Dead Dove Do Not Eat: Book you would recommend to a select audience with a mountain of caveats

The Heretic by Nathan R. Allen Okay so the thing about this book is that it had serious pacing problems (in my opinion) and some things that made me cringe But. but. So many of the speculative elements are super unique and interesting and cool! Cool world, cool magic systems, compelling main plotline (once we finally got there lol) and character dynamics that made me want to corner the author somewhere and grab him by the shoulders and say WHAT DID YOU MEAN BY THIS??? (complimentary [I think]) So I would recommend it to select people that I think would be interested enough in the good stuff to see past the flaws. Now that I've issued my vague cautions, here's a vague pitch: Disabled Magic/Tech PhD student has to scout for state secrets by going undercover to train as an enhanced supersoldier in order to get his brother out of being drafted. If that sounds interesting to you, and you're interested in a really cool magic system that interacts cleverly with a decent spy-type plot, and you can handle the fact that it sometimes feels like a chore to get through, I might recommend it. Anyway. Just kid of frustrates me because this book was okay but it could have been so good if it was good, you know?

9. Compels Me Though: Okay, maybe not all of it made sense, but you had a great time anyway

The Hands of the Emperor by Victoria Goddard I have mixed feelings about the direction and execution of this book, but at the end of the day I enjoyed it very much. This was pitched to me as being similar to The Goblin Emperor, which I love, so I decided to check it out. I can definitely see the parallels, so I would pass that on as a recommendation. It feels like if the author read The Goblin Emperor and transparently took the elements she found the most compelling and took off with them. However. As a book I don't think it's very tightly executed and gets a little self-righteous and self-indulgent especially toward the end. It feels like the author started with a premise and then ran with it for a really long time as far as it would take her. A very very long book that doesn't finish quite where it started. I can see several reasons why someone could get very annoyed with this book. But it was such a nice read! I loved really getting to know the characters and the world (very extensive, interesting worldbuilding! And the world feels really vibrant and lived-in!). There was some very heartwarming and cathartic moments, and the characters were very endearing. The length and meandering pace allowed for a richness that really payed off in some places.

[313i]

i did the blorbo bingo with edling :3

ramble / explanations for my writing under cut!

for ling:

most fandom takes are incorrect: maybe it’s just me but ive seen a decent amount of people make ling out to be a pervert or just reduce him to a stupid silly character. ling yao is NOT A PERVERT! WHERE DID YOU GET THAT FROM! he would never even do HALF OF THE THINGS YOU GUYS ARE TALKING ABOUT!!!!!!!!!! and he is so far from just being a funny guy that makes the audience laugh. his motives and character as a whole are so incredibly strong and i’ve never been so fascinated with a character like ling yao. please give him more attention.

that also goes hand in hand w/ stop putting them in situations!!: he would not be looking up girls skirts or something 🙁 be kind to him i think he deserves the world also. the cast of fma consists of a bunch of 14-16 year olds who traveled across the world to fulfill what they feel is their destiny but they end up on a journey of pain and suffering instead. they are children they should be playing roblox and minecraft and brain rotting like me ……….. i need a 500 chapter fic of ling being happy and joyous and eating all the wonderful meat in amestris.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE NOT ENOUGH CANON / UNDERRATED: as much as i love greedling and understand the combo … i wish ling got more screentime alone separate from greed. he is really such an interesting and unique character with a banging design and sometimes i feel greed robbed him of his iconic features (his yellow jacket & sword) and people just forget that greedling exists because ling was strong enough to withstand the homunculus in his system + LING IS THE BODY!!! he is serving that facecard and body 24/7 because that’s all ling yao!!! i still do really like greedling because they have a lot of room for interaction but i feel like ling yao is one of the characters who is often forgotten when it comes to merch n whatnot. he’s not as much of a main character as ed of course but he is just forgotten!! he is really such a cool character i wish there was more of him everywhere

there’s probably a deep seated reason why i love him: yes. because he is me and i am him (not really). i just project onto him and he is just me at this point! i will forever be such a huge ling yao fan the first time i watched fmab i instantly got attached to him i am so happy he is alive. i hope being the king of the yao clan is treating him well though he didn’t look to happy in that one photo of him as emperor….. it’s a tough job so i get it man! i hope he explodes

for edling:

pretty privilege: they are both pretty. brotherhood art style is a bit inconsistent at times i feel but their designs are both so gorgeous (their colors complement one another!). and also the bloodhell episode. ling yao fighting envy with his cool sword and handsome face…. ed somehow still looking pretty despite all the traveling and fighting. they are pretty!!!

projection had entered the chat: well, yes! who doesn’t project onto their faves??? :p

don’t typically discuss irl because of fandom: more and more people nowadays seem to forget fma franchise as a whole 🙁 it makes me so sad because this series is so fire and i wish it would keep its popularity but it obviously makes sense that more relevant shows and animes will overtake its light. i’m also afraid most people don’t like edling (edling nation consists of like 10 people) so i just don’t really talk about fma irl at all! no one here has a Fullmetal heart..

everything else is just me wanting to bite them (lovingly) and stuff them in my pocket and hold them in the palm of my hands to show them off to the world. i do not actually want to plot their demise and i am not actively doing so. i would put them in a wood chipper in a loving manner

for ed:

has done nothing wrong: he’s innocent, your honor… everything he’s ever done has been for his family. he’s committed a huge taboo in the alchemy world by trying human transmutation but him and al just wanted their moms back. they were TOO YOUNG TO BE ORPHANS AND HAVE TO GROW UP WITHOUT THEIR MOTHERS LOVE! he ended up becoming a dog for the military but he had to do what he had to do to get closer to that philosopher stone… in 03 he did end up taking some lives too i think. he’s only 15 and never intended to Actually murder someone. seeing him after the greed scene is so incredibly heartbreaking. 03 and cos are such horrific renditions of fma (in a good way) and it makes me so sad to think that’s how he ended up??? he had so much hope as a little kid and was so full of life but by 18 he’s stranded from the last bit of family he knew and is left a depressed alcoholic who keeps losing people. edward elric has done nothing wrong..

there’s probably a deep seated reason why i love him: even from the outside HE IS SUCH A COOL CHARACTER. a character who canonical has prosthetic limbs is already so cool. knowing the story behind those limbs and his brother is so 🙁☹️☹️… his iconic red jacket!!! his LEATHER PANTS WITH HIS PLATFORM BOOTS? his striking gold eyes and bright blonde hair? how he wears his stupid pocket watch…. his dumbass belt… i love edward elric’s flamboyant style so much i’ve never seen a more bi-coded character ever. i love everything about his design and his personality is unlike most shonen anime protags and that adds to his charm. he is hot-headed and will bite your head off if you comment on his height or call him pipsqueak but he is still such a sharp and intelligent young man .. He is literally an Alchemy God…. he is so capable even at such a young age and carries himself so well because if i were him i would be breaking down crying every step of the way! he is dedicated and loyal to his cause of finding the philosophers stone to return their bodies back to normal and doesn’t even hinder once throughout the journey. he loves his brother dearly and it makes me so joyous to see a strong sibling relationship in this genre that isn’t Weird. Edward Elric is a fire character thank you for listening to my TedTalk

[bluejay-07]

end of year asks 12 14 25!!

14. Favourite book you read this year? (Usually I do these chronologically but I’m leaving the sappy answer for last lmao)

If I had to pick only one, The Mars House, by Natasha Pulley! Something about this novel just grabbed me and won’t let go; some mixture of the Gender Stuff and the excuse to research things I usually wouldn’t. It’s delightful. (And, of course, my new blorbo lol)

25. Did you create any characters this year?

Yes! I am cheating here and describing more than one, because I fully drafted a post about Nikola and just haven’t come back to it lol. I did a lot of fleshing-out for House Liu, actually; it’s been great fun!

I’m going to start with the prior generation; Junjiang Liu and Anastas Tsahar. Junjiang was everything the scion of House Liu was supposed to be; they put in years of service to the military without complaint or fear, never faltering. They fed their whole life to the war machine. And then one day, when they were overseeing an exploratory mission on Io, Anastas crashed into their life. 

They were a geologist, sent by the Tharsese government, and Junjiang is taken with them immediately. And honestly, of course Junjiang was—Anastas saw good in everything and anyone, even the awful volcano moon that wanted to kill them. So for the first time in their life, Junjiang disobeyed orders; the very day the two of them landed back on Mars, they got married.

The issue was, Junjiang was meant to marry someone else entirely. It was a deal brokered to save the last of a waning house, and the marriage would have sealed it. Instead, House Liu was thrown out of the Senate and consigned to obscurity.

It wasn’t the worst fate. Junjiang and Anastas were happy together—Junjiang was learning to live without outside orders to keep them together. And then one day, Anastas died.

It wasn’t important how, or why. What was most important was that Anastas was dead; the light had been turned out in Junjiang’s life. They spent the rest of their life alone, mourning their spouse, slipping further and further into obscurity and senility.

With Junjiang no longer fit to manage the affairs of the House, the responsibility fell to their heirs. Like most other houses, House Liu had always had two, as an insurance policy; should one die, the other would take up their duties in the field. 

As such, Niko has seen the worst of Tharsis. They have sent their sibling to die, for no good reason other than Parliament ordered it. They have seen their House destroyed, for the crime of simply going against what is expected again.

Niko has decided that it is not worth it. They are going to burn Tharsis in its current state to the fucking ground. That’s why they work so hard to get into the good graces of Guang Song specifically; the Great Houses, the whole system, needs to be obliterated. It is principle, yes, but it is also revenge. If Tharsis is made a true colony, none of this can ever happen again. 

12. Tell me about a new friend you made this year.

Okay, I fully recognize this is sappy as hell, but I believe this season is for showing your loved ones how much you appreciate them. And I really enjoy being your friend—whenever we speak, be that in tags or messages, it makes my day. Thank you for letting me ramble at you about TMH, and for always leaving lovely comments on my fic. It is an honour and a privilege.

[vexatiousidler]

(crossposting from cohost cause I need to let this out of my system fucking everywhere ok)

mad because I haven't had a blorbo in fucking years and Arcsys decide to go and reintroduce A.B.A. in strive and fuck

fuck

Her theme goes fucking hard and despite everything I relate to it, especially when the chants of "I'm not here to fit in this world, I just want to make a difference" kick in and I go OUGHHGGHGHGHH......................

And then I recently saw her true arcade ending and I genuinely cried??? At her and Paracelsus actually fucking talking??? Because she was talking to Testament and realised "oh shit I've been a horrible person this whole time"??? And deciding that while they both had a horrendous toxic relationship based on lies on his side and obsession on hers, they'd both strive (get it) to be better people for each other and fuck it hit me right fucking here man

And then on top of all the character devlopment and growth they went ahead and made her exactly like +R in the sense of she is fucking miserable and the worst character in the game free in normal mode but when you go ham she makes people fucking EXPLODE and the dichotomy is so funny and I'm so mad cause for the longest time I've hated strive but

I guess it just needed a character I actually fucking liked and they went ahead and did that so lucky me

(Disregard me still getting tilted at shit I don't know cause my mental and execution is still garbage but we work on it step by step)

[xmaveria]

This is all you need to know about me, perhaps I really am a bird :0!!

Its surprising I didn't feel like I did much this year with ocs but turns out I had more art I wanted to include!

I hope you all enjoy a bit of an art & artist recap! Time has flown by so fast but in a good way it surprises me how productive I still was despite having less computer time. Things are surely busy I suppose with being an adult that is a norm. Yet I am hopeful for next year. One thing I am proud of is how mentally things have been going up or stable? For me at least for a few years back I genuinely wanted to skip my life no matter what didn't feel like there was much point in looking up at it when so many things impede you for just existing somewhere else. I couldn't care less if I missed "a life" events with family, peers and opportunities as such to the point I was to be in auto pilot until everything fell where it needed to even if it took 5,10,40 years and I could finally "live my life" and not feel any anguish over big burdens or dreams. Yet nowadays I can't help but find myself happy for weekly events or tiny moments a spur of inspiration gives me ^^ Slowly and as corny as it sounds life should be lived in the moment and even if some things still want me to not succeed whether people or systems I shall make the best of it. Hay que ir de dia a dia! Quien dijo miedo cuando ya uno esta en la boca del tigre!

I believe that reflects so much in one's art. And with a better mental state well I've been the most productive in AF I did better than when I had free afternoons every day and with a tighter schedule xD Although this year also made me realize how nice it is to be able to hold your own art space per say, share ideas with other creatives get inspired on the same subjects. Truly thank you all for the support and engagement I know lately things have been dealt hard with online artists but to those that still stick around and share what fills their hearts content are the life blood of the art community in every platform. So thank you to the people passing by and appreciating my art once or twice. EVEN MORE to my followers here and everywhere else I have grown as a professional artists these years as well with your help and kindness that I will forever remember (also the fact that you all like to see and comment on my blorbos or silly thoughts/aesthetics? makes me overjoyed haha) AND TO MY FRIENDS YOU ALL KNOW THE MVPS OF ALL THIS TY FOR BEING HERE there has never been a dull year for me interacting with you all and getting to know more about the art and characters you all have <3 Thanks for reading this o/ Enjoy the holidays and have a great time however you like to spend it, and to those also going through similar things try to treat yourself in any way you can. Wishing things get easier for you at some point very soon!

[ember-owlet]

whistles innocently

so. idk if this counts as a request bc I'm requesting something though it's not a request for content from you... butttt!

if you were to, say, want a gift of some medium, of a character from arcane or resident evil, which characters would you like the most and what's ur preferred hc for them... and what type of content would you want for said character(s)....

mhmm, i have about 80% confidence that i know who this is /lh /silly

and not to worry!! this isn't counted as a request, while they're closed i love to chat! regardless this is such a sweet ask thank you so much for asking me firelight (*꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ)♡

to answer, from either arcane or resident evil here are my faves, i hope i don't sound too greedy with this list, but here are some of my favorites from each fandom with some extra rambles:

(and please don't hesitate to reach out if you need clarification/additional questions, i was so excited i typed through this without much proofreading,, and if you need any other ideas the #ember's babies is that tag that i use for my fictional blorbos ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚)

arcane:

caitlyn:

flip! w/ a pretty balanced lean except for when she's with vi, then she's mostly the caregiver in their dynamic!! my girl forever n ever n ever. never knew it was possible for a character to be so mama and babygirl coded at the exact same time.

gosh. anything made with her i eat up in seconds!! mama, baby, give me all of it!! though if possible, i'd love to see her with more paci edits/regression content. let my girl be baby!!

vi

flip! w/ a regressor lean around caitlyn. that's her puppy!!! i think we can all agree that she takes care of the people around her so much that i need to see a reverse of her feeling safe and taken care of. i love her so much and honestly? her upcoming spiral to wet dog pipeline is valid get that girl a paci STAT. vi gives me so much cuteness aggression its unbelieveable.

this is just for me and incredibly niche but i'd love to see more content of vi with a softer/warmcore canine aesthetic. specifically with larger breeds of dogs.

hear me out: caitlyn in a sweater drinking a warm cup of tea while she runs her hands along her pups hair while vi rests her head in her lap??? oh i'm ill (/pos) she always puts on such a brave front it makes me wanna wrap her in a warm blanket sooooo badly.

ekko

regressor. and he's scar's kid. a baby boy through and through. i almost never talk about him but i really want to with upcoming posts because he's honestly one of the best characters in the series. i love his desire to help people and the way that he takes absolutely no nonsense from anyone around him and calls them out for it is everything, and i REALLY hope he gives caitlyn and vi a wake up call for their actions. so far he's truly done no wrong in the series so and i stand by it!!

anything with him being a regressor would make me happy, he's such a cutie patootie. and ekko with solar punk/core aesthetics>>>

cassandra

flip! with a caregiver lean!! i made an entire post about her but its honestly not enough. she has been my mama and will continue to be my mama despite canon. the reveal that she had helped to create the filtration system in zaun to help the citizens breathe?? and seeing caitlyn use her mother's wishes against them? man. that hurt.

i've been meaning to write headcanons for her but i think she barely regresses around anyone that she doesn't have complete trust in and even then she rarely does it out of embarassment. however, she is a baby to me.

that being said, any caregiver content with her i owe you my life. /lh

resident evil

donna beneviento. that's it that's the post /j

a flip! through and through. she is one of my most beloveds and i think most of the immediate people in my life have heard their fair share of rambles with her.

honestly anything with her i will be an absolute puddle, especially when its related to fics with hurt/comfort or her just being a caregiver since most of my personal daydreaming scenarios involve her in some way.

again, this is just me but i love activities with her where we're cooking/dancing in the kitchen together so if you're alright with that i would be over the moon to see it.

the dimitrescu sisters

do not separate them!! ever!! /lh /j

all three are my big sister cgs and i wouldn't trade that for the world. they are my goofballs and i adore them!!

if its ever possible (and i know it is because i am manifesting a genius out there to do it) i would love to see content of all three of them taking care of a regressor throughout different periods of the day (ex. in the morning they're taken to bela to practice piano, then with cassandra for practice with hunting, and then to dani to work on academics with alcina since you both need it /lh)

[myreia]

It has been an age since I’ve done one of these! So I’m just making up my own thing.

This is the first year I’ve written fanfic since 2019. It’s been really nice returning to something fun and low stakes that doesn’t have the same pressures as my original fiction. Writing for myself is something I lost over the last few years and it’s been so nice getting that back. There’s something really powerful about having your own little blorbo just for yourself and pursuing the things that speak to you.

All of my fanfic this year was FFXIV related and it was so nice sinking into a new world and rummaging around. I love that I get to know Aureia better the more I write her, and her journey is very near and dear to my heart. I haven’t finished anywhere near to all the stories I want to write about her, but she is very clear in my head Aureia’s been through hell, but she’s also my favourite blorbo so I’m not going to apologize for making her suffer.

Overview

Fandoms: 1

Total Fics: 10

Fics Published: 9

Fics Unpublished: 1

Words: 103,788

Highlights

✦ Divergence of the Heart

Rating: Explicit

This is probably my favourite fic I’ve written this year, if not my favourite fic I’ve ever written. I started it in February of this year and finished it in December. It was the multipart that just kept growing. It was supposed to be two chapters, then three, then four, then five, then seven—by the time I wrapped everything up the way I wanted to, it had landed on eleven.

Aureia’s relationships with Aymeric and Thancred have eaten away at my brain for most of this year. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this, but one of Thancred’s lines in the Heavensward patches fuelled and idea and now I’m here all these months later fully invested in a love triangle that has been way too much fun to write. This fic was an opportunity to explore asexuality in a particular light, so there’s a lot of myself in here. The writing in later chapters is some of the most vulnerable I’ve allowed myself to be lately and I’m very proud of how everything has come together.

I also think “No Greater Calamity Than the WoL’s Love Life” is an excellent use of the AO3 tags and I endeavour to use it more.

✦ Bound by Faith

Rating: Explicit

I love this fic with all my heart. It’s my second favourite thing I’ve written this year and would have been my favourite if I hadn’t finished Divergence of the Heart. I am very enamoured with late game Aureia and Thancred—how much they’ve been through and how many times their relationship has been reset. I like writing them as a little older, a little more mature, a little more grounded. They’ve both been through shit and come out stronger for it, and I needed the get the moment where they are finally together out of my system.

Also writing Thancred and Urianger banter is extremely fun and one of the most enjoyable things about putting this fic together.

✦ To Ash and Ember

Rating: Mature

Listen. I had an unexplainable feral compulsion to write Aureia’s fight with Lahabrea. It wasn’t going to leave me alone until I did. I think this fic set the tone for so much of her characterization and development; this moment—both in the fic and in-game—was character defining and it’s where everything came together.

✦ A Question of Desire

Rating: Explicit

This started as a prompt and then turned into my first FFXIV smut fic. It had been a while since I had written erotica, and it was nice to visit that kind of scene with Aureia and Aymeric. Their dynamic is very soft and sweet (especially in the time period of the late Heavensward patches), and I’m very pleased with how the second part came out—especially with the hint that not everything is all right with their relationship. There are cracks, they just can’t see it yet.

✦ Bitter Frost

Rating: Teen

The transition from ARR into Heavensward is one of the most powerful moments in FFXIV for me, partially due to the attachment Aureia (and me) had to Ul’dah. This fic was a scene in my head almost immediately after playing it. I wanted to spend some time when she was at an absolute low, and develop a bit of her relationship with Alphinaud—and experiment with some ways that black mages may attempt to fend off the cold, because why not. Let a magic girl be magic.

✦ Far from Happenstance

Rating: General

I like this one! I think it was fun revisiting the very early moments of the Ul’dah questlines from Aureia’s perspective. I had a better handle on her voice here; I hadn’t entirely figured out her backstory at this point (she was keeping it a secret from me), but she started to feel like a fully-fleshed out person here.

✦ Sand and Stone

Rating: General

This was my first FFXIV fic! I wrote it shortly after finishing base ARR and I was madly rotating the final fight with Lahabrea in my head (I’ve been ruined by the Worst Ascian since that cutscene and it doesn’t even make sense!! Am I mad (affectionately) about this? YES, OF COURSE I AM. Could have chosen literally any other villain but no, this is where I had to peak.).

This fic established some repeat themes for Aureia, namely her close association with fire and the burns on her back, as well as her close friendship with Thancred and his nickname for her (Aureia was not a fleshed out character until she was Aur, nicknames really do something for me, apparently).  

✦ Untitled Post 5.3. Fic

I haven’t published this one yet since I ran out of time to finish it (trying to finish another multipart in the last two weeks of December was not something I needed to add to my plate). But I am excited to work on fics set after Aureia and Thancred get married and dig a little bit deeper into how their relationship changes through marriage. There are still difficulties to be overcome, ways that they test and support each other. I really enjoy writing established relationships, so it’s fun to poke at the evolution of everything that has come before.

A little excerpt since it's not finished yet:

“No,” he murmurs. “I know what you’re doing—and I love you for it, never think that I don’t—but no. In this case… it does not help.” She nods, swallowing the lump in her throat, and exhales a shaky breath. A dozen thoughts rest on the tip of her tongue, a dozen questions she wishes to ask, but she holds herself back. It’s not what he needs right now. “One hundred and eleven,” Thancred says. “That is how many steps it takes to climb the battlements.” She presses her lips together and turns her back on the aetheryte plaza, leaning against the parapet as she gives him her full attention. He glances at her, staring at her through the curtain of hair, and his throat bobs. “I never knew that until today,” he continues. “In all our years here, all the times I have walked these battlements, not once did it occur to me to count the bloody steps. Not once did I imagine a future where it would be a near impossibility to reach them.” His gaze flickers to the aetheryte. “Not my first time being a fool, I suppose. I took my aether for granted once too.” “It’s not an impossibility,” she says firmly. “You dragged yourself up here—” “And I can barely stand. All my efforts and I have nothing to show for it save the reminder that I am…” He trails off, tempering his frustration before he says something he regrets out of spite. “Krile will give me a tongue-lashing for this, I know it. She will say I am pushing too hard. That I am being unkind to myself.” “And maybe you are.” “How can I not? If I must be sequestered off in a dark room and sit on my hands while the others return to their regular duties I will—well. I will…” “What?” He makes a face. “I would say ‘eat Urianger’s hood’, but he’s not exceptionally fond of those anymore, now is he?”

[booksandchainmail]

3, 4 and 20 for the end-of-year book asks?

3. What were your top five books of the year?

with the caveat that favorites are hard:

Furious Heaven, by Kate Elliott. Alexander the Great in space, nicely hefty space opera/military scifi. I've though about this book more than maybe any non-web serial book in the past couple years. I have a playlist for it. Persephone Lee blorbo of all time. I need to remember to keep reading Kate Elliott, her stuff is mostly intimidatingly long but I've loved every book of hers I've read.

To Shape a Dragon's Breath, by Moniquill Blackgoose. After hatching a dragon, a Native American girl is forced to attend a colonial dragonriders school. This book was so perfectly targeted to me, I'm a sucker for books where people raise dragons. And the worldbuilding! Such an interesting alt-history, and such a fun magic system that is mostly actual chemistry/physics. This is one where I also got really really invested in the side characters, Theod's arc in particular hit me really hard. But it's also great to have a book (not even a super long book!) where I can say things like "I'm interested in the main character's older brother's girlfriends plotline about inventing long-range airships", and have that level of engagement across a wide cast. Also, this book has the perfect title in ways that become clear partway through.

Children of Time, by Adrian Tchaikovsky. After Earth collapses, it's terraforming experiments live on. The best part of reading for the Hugo awards has been getting to find Adrian Tchaikovsky's work. I love this book (and the series I'm using it as a proxy for) deeply, the kind of science fiction so sweeping and devastating and heartbreakingly compassionate it makes me cry.

The Saint of Bright Doors, by Vajra Chandrasekera. An odd novel about a man who has decided not to be a chosen one. I keep turning this one over in my head, it's a strange book in genre and tone, but I think very effectively. It's not so much of a personal choice as the others on this list, but it had real weight and power to me. One where I posted a bunch of quotes, and have more I want to share.

He Who Drowned the World, by Shelley Parker-Chan. A genderqueer retelling of the founding of the Ming dynasty. The first one is one of my top books of all time, and this was a worthy sequel. Great character work, and great complicated messy relationships and tangled sexuality and gender.

4. Did you discover any new authors that you love this year?

So many good new authors! I listed out twelve who I enjoyed but that didn't seem in the spirit of this question. Moniquill Blackgoose and Vajra Chandrasekera both made it on to my top list with their first books. I'd also add CSE Cooney, both her novel and short fiction are excellent and I love the way she uses language.

20. What was your most anticipated release? Did it meet your expectations?

Probably He Who Drowned the World? I loved the first book so much, this was one of the few books I preordered instead of getting through the library. And I'd say it lived up to it, maybe not quite as good but the first book set such a high bar.

Other choice would be Some Desperate Glory, which I got obsessed with from prerelease material. Unfortunately I overhyped it in my head, it would have had to be hundreds of pages longer to have what I wanted. Even so it was excellent, but I'd like to come back to it with clearer expectations because I think I'd appreciate it more.

[dreamfilleddonuts]

Random blorbo headcanons as I wake up.

I think Near was very young when he came to stay at Wammys, around 4 or so. His parents died when he was very young and he has no memory of them, and his extended family bounced him around from place to place until he had been through all of them and they gave him up.

While he needs to be reminded food is a thing he needs because he will literally ignore his body's cues because he's busy, he eats same foods until he gets burned out on them and suddenly he cant stand them anymore. And new food hyperfixations have to be found. (autistic me projecting onto my blorbo? never...)

Before he and Mello were put into direct competition, they were actually quite close, which made the one sided rivalry and Mello's words as he departed sting all the more.

In canonverse he arranged for both Mello and Matt's funerals and burials. He keeps Mello's rosary (and possibly Matt's goggles because my ot3 heart says so) in a small box to talk to them in lieu of going to visit their graves.

In a happier universe, he still grows his hair out, because he wants to instead of depression. Mello insists on putting it in a french braid for him. He says it's because he's tired of finding abandoned scrunchies all over the place, but Near's pretty sure his boyfriend just enjoys doing it.

He has a very chaotic system for organizing things that no one but him is really sure of. HE thinks it makes perfect sense. His team members and Mello (again in a happier universe) just want to be able to find shit they're looking for.

Also, had he not been raised to be a detective and gotten to choose his own path in life, he probably would have wanted to be an architect.

[bleachbleachbleach]

hi!! I’ve been binge reading ur fics and I’m so glad that it led me to your blog!! Hinamori and Hitsugaya are also my blorbos and I love your take on their characters and dynamic which is that they’re different flavors of what it’s like to be young and screwed over by the system you’ve been nothing but dutiful towards. In Hinamori’s case, she earnestly did believe in the ideals of the Gotei 13 (like seriously, one of her first character defining moments is rushing towards someone who needs help regardless of orders to do otherwise like with renji being injured and hisagi being attacked) but was constantly screwed over by the someone who she thought was the personification of those ideals and was just expected to immediately bounce back from that . Meanwhile Hitsugaya, who was already more reluctant from the get go, not only had to watch all that happen to her in real time, but keeps getting thrust into every shit show from the fuck factory because he unfortunately possesses the skills to do so. In some of your fics, Momo frets over how much being a Shinigami takes so much from him without giving him much back for his efforts and I wonder if he hasn’t thought the same about her?

And yet…at the heart of it…both of them just want to do good!! They just want to do right by people even if it’s in the world that constantly tries to chew them up and spit them out. Hinamori would still fret over and try to rush towards someone she thinks needs help and Hitsugaya will still go into a shit job sighing but hell still do it by the virtue of being one of the few ppl that can. I’m sorry if this ended up turning into a ramble but you just get it!!! God, they need another cathartic non traumatic field trip post TYBW. We rlly deserved a scene after all the battles where they make a long walk towards each other, stumble into each other’s arms or even just sit next to each other and go “holy shit you’re still here. We’re still here” and not get disturbed for 20 mins before they help each other up and do their jobs again.

This is from over a month ago now, dear anon, I am SO sorry. I was feeling really good about being on top of recent asks and then remembered that we have several months of messages we have failed to respond to. It is not for lack of appreciation, truly! Just lack of being on this page. I remember reading this message when you sent it and being, at the time, EXTREMELY hormonal and it was so kind and so needed and it means a lot that you came here to say it. <333333333333

Something I hear a lot is “the institution will not love you back”—the warning being not to fall into the trap of loving it, or giving too much to it, because it will only take. I think that’s true, but I also think that there are many professions that make the actual practice of this impossible, because they require you not to love, per se, but to really care, and really give—if only because if you don’t, then the thing becomes a monster. It is alive, it is not a thing that withers and desiccates if you do not care for it. It becomes a worse thing and harm is done, if you don’t care, no matter how much you’ll never get back when doing so.

I imagine the Gotei being a lot like that, and while I don’t imagine Hinamori or Hitsugaya loving the Gotei (Hinamori might have been, during various periods of her life, closer to that word than Hitsugaya will ever be; and I think at points may have even thought so, or entertained the slippage being loving the Gotei and loving other things; but even then, even then—) they definitely care a lot. It’s a troubled care, and something I find really interesting about both of them is their ongoing negotiation of how to believe in some version of the Gotei but not believe in it but adhere but not adhere but fuck all but not fuck all.

You asked, “In some of your fics, Momo frets over how much being a Shinigami takes so much from him without giving him much back for his efforts and I wonder if he hasn’t thought the same about her?”

I think he does, but in a different way than Hinamori does for him. In my version of their story, Hinamori has a certainty about how the math works out, and it’s not really in Hitsugaya’s favor, and she mourns that. Regardless of how she understands Hitsugaya to have internalized it, she is going to mourn that. It’s not that she doesn’t care about the first part, it’s just part of some other math.

Thinking about Hinamori, Hitsugaya has also done the math, but it’s not really the straight math he’s focused on. He’s more interested in how Hinamori is carrying it, if that makes sense. He wants to know her thought process, and what he sees there is going to impact how he feels about it. Like, the math’s bad, it will always be bad, but is it hurting her? Does her attitude toward it feel like delusion masking pain, or is it the clarity of acceptance coupled with conviction? She carries it differently than he does, he knows, and as long as he can be certain that it’s not that first thing, he can accept her acceptance. He admires her for it, that particular kind of resolute clarity. His version of it is not the same (and to him feels like a worse version). It’s not naivete; it’s not delusion, or desperation. It is Hinamori.