#i needed to get The Blorbos out of my system i had been wanting to draw more bbbb art for like 3 days now SKENREJGERKGJERKBJNE

[karikoolzer]

quick and kinda shitty redraw of the blu ray release art

[lightyaoigami]

☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ how to resume ⋆｡ﾟ☾｡⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎ ﾟ

after 10 years & 6 jobs in corporate america, i would like to share how to game the system. we all want the biggest payoff for the least amount of work, right?

know thine enemy: beating the robots

i see a lot of misinformation about how AI is used to scrape resumes. i can't speak for every company but most corporations use what is called applicant tracking software (ATS).

no respectable company is using chatgpt to sort applications. i don't know how you'd even write the prompt to get a consumer-facing product to do this. i guarantee that target, walmart, bank of america, whatever, they are all using B2B SaaS enterprise solutions. there is not one hiring manager plinking away at at a large language model.

ATS scans your resume in comparison to the job posting, parses which resumes contain key words, and presents the recruiter and/or hiring manager with resumes with a high "score." the goal of writing your resume is to get your "score" as high as possible.

but tumblr user lightyaoigami, how do i beat the robots?

great question, y/n. you will want to seek out an ATS resume checker. i have personally found success with jobscan, which is not free, but works extremely well. there is a free trial period, and other ATS scanners are in fact free. some of these tools are so sophisticated that they can actually help build your resume from scratch with your input. i wrote my own resume and used jobscan to compare it to the applications i was finishing.

do not use chatgpt to write your resume or cover letter. it is painfully obvious. here is a tutorial on how to use jobscan. for the zillionth time i do not work for jobscan nor am i a #jobscanpartner i am just a person who used this tool to land a job at a challenging time.

the resume checkers will tell you what words and/or phrases you need to shoehorn into your bullet points - i.e., if you are applying for a job that requires you to be a strong collaborator, the resume checker might suggest you include the phrase "cross-functional teams." you can easily re-word your bullets to include this with a little noodling.

don't i need a cover letter?

it depends on the job. after you have about 5 years of experience, i would say that they are largely unnecessary. while i was laid off, i applied to about 100 jobs in a three-month period (#blessed to have been hired quickly). i did not submit a cover letter for any of them, and i had a solid rate of phone screens/interviews after submission despite not having a cover letter. if you are absolutely required to write one, do not have chatgpt do it for you. use a guide from a human being who knows what they are talking about, like ask a manager or betterup.

but i don't even know where to start!

i know it's hard, but you have to have a bit of entrepreneurial spirit here. google duckduckgo is your friend. don't pull any bean soup what-about-me-isms. if you truly don't know where to start, look for an ATS-optimized resume template.

a word about neurodivergence and job applications

i, like many of you, am autistic. i am intimately familiar with how painful it is to expend limited energy on this demoralizing task only to have your "reward" be an equally, if not more so, demoralizing work experience. i don't have a lot of advice for this beyond craft your worksona like you're making a d&d character (or a fursona or a sim or an OC or whatever made up blorbo generator you personally enjoy).

and, remember, while a lot of office work is really uncomfortable and involves stuff like "talking in meetings" and "answering the phone," these things are not an inherent risk. discomfort is not tantamount to danger, and we all have to do uncomfortable things in order to thrive. there are a lot of ways to do this and there is no one-size-fits-all answer. not everyone can mask for extended periods, so be your own judge of what you can or can't do.

i like to think of work as a drag show where i perform this other personality in exchange for money. it is much easier to do this than to fight tooth and nail to be unmasked at work, which can be a risk to your livelihood and peace of mind. i don't think it's a good thing that we have to mask at work, but it's an important survival skill.

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ good luck ⋆｡ﾟ☾｡⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎ ﾟ｡⋆

[dailyadventureprompts]

So I've been reading Triangle Agency...

For those not in the know: Triangle Agency is a new weird/corporate horror TTRPG heavily inspired by things like the X files, Delta Green, and Control. You work as agents for the titular organization which sends you out to stabilize reality by dealing with various paranatural Anomalies.

Don't think of this as a review, until I sit down at a table and play this system over a few sessions I won't be able to tell you how well it actually works. What I can tell you is what the game is trying to accomplish with its storytelling and mechanics, and what it's trying to do is interesting.

Unlike a lot of TTRPGs I've read, triangle agency is not interested in giving you a system that you can use to tell whatever story you want. Instead I can compare it to a tabletop version of a choice heavy videogame like Disco Elysium or Bg3: where engaging with the story/mechanics will lead you to one of the endings the authors prepared for you. This is not to say the system is inflexible, that you can't put your own spin on it, GMs can design missions however they want, and player choice is a major focus, but as long as you're playing the game you're furthering the meta story.

As such, this might be the first game that I'd consider running out of the box with only pre-prepped adventures, which is shocking considering how much of a homebrewer I am. Instead, I'd be interested in putting a group of players in this game and just seeing what it does to them, though it'd have to be a very specific group of players than my regular ol gaming group.

The ideal Triangle Agency player is one that's got a primary focus on storytelling over mechanics, who're interested in making big narrative swings happen as a result of their choices. They also need to be comfortable with improv storytelling, as the primary means of interacting with the game requires a quick " what if" session to justify how you're moulding reality into a new shape:

Where another game might have you roll your character's strength for something as simple as kicking down a locked door, Triangle Agency has your party brainstorming a reason why the door would be weak enough for you to kick down in the first place: IE the building has a termite problem, and the hinges were subject to poor storage conditions by the contractor who installed the door. Then you roll. If you succeed, the door is knocked down, the building has a termite problem and has *always* had a termite problem, and an entire human being, Gary the negligent contractor, has been spoken into existence. You are likely to meet him on your next mission.

In many ways this is explicitly like Blades in the Dark's flashback mechanic, except made an explicit part of the game world. Your characters have the same reality distorting abilities of the Anomalies they're hunting, and they have to be careful lest they delete whole swaths of their life trying to angle for a better roll.

This is where we get into Triangle Agency's focus on character, and the secondary requirement that players be the type to get invested in their eldritch business blorbo as they are subjected to various corporate horrors™. This is a game interested in change whether it manifests as choice, trauma, or metamorphosis, and the ante for these interactions is your player/characters investment in the world. Part of this is with your character's contacts, NPCs who are as essential to an agent's build as their anomalous superpowers or their job with the Agency. To give extra weight to these relationships, each one is portrayed by another player at the table, which I thought was an ingenious way to not only take the burden off the GM, but also to give players more screen time even when their primary agent is off stage.

That leads me to the genius primary progression mechanic: The choice between whether to spend time with your Agent's contacts, focus on their Agency job, or delve into the eldritch truth of their powers, and how to split their finite time off between them. Here we get player choice, story, and mechanics all tied together in a neat little package as progression along any of these tracks unlock new abilities while also revealing more and more of the game's secrets. Possibilities for the game's story open up/are blocked off specifically with how the players choose to personally spend their XP, and if that's not a feat of game design ( or more aptly, craft) I don't know what is.

Final Thoughts: Despite having a delightful time reading the rulebook/optional mission pack (Seriously, the vibes are stellar) I don't know if I'm actually going to get to play Triangle Agency at any point in the near future. I think getting the most out of this game depends so much on finding the right playgroup for it and then pouring in enough time to unlock one of the endings. I'd want to see the mechanism of it's story/mechanics/drama play out, but doing so is one heck of a commitment.

However, if you've got a group full of storytellers that are up for the challenge and you're looking for something substantial to play next, I don't think I could recommend it enough.

I'm also going to be keeping my eyes out for longform actual plays of this one, I'd love to see what a group of performers could do with this.

[glitter-stained]

Sense the current state of jason as character is stagnant do you think dc will ever purplish a good story of him, maybe he even kills of his red hood persona and goes on to be something else that would be something I would like to see but I don’t think it will happen. Dc will forever shoehorn him in to the batfamily. At least in his anti-villian era he was actually fun now his character is in a pitiful state

do u think theirs a chance of reinvent him as character anytime soon ?

Well first of all through spite everything is possible, so jot that down.

Like seriously, remember when it was so so incredibly over like Spiderman's Uncle Ben levels of over and then Under the Hood happened? Hell yeah I think dc will publish a good Jason story

Second I may not be the best person for this ask because I like my blorbos pitiful and miserable. Like yeah defiance is awesome but exhaustion -in characters who have been angry and alone for so long, beaten dog who got electrocuted too often to bite back- has a special place in my heart. But I also agree this has to be a transitional part of a story, the arc can't be "well he was hurt and then he was angry and then he was tired and he was miserable the whole time". Unless of course he ends up perma-dying in a really meaningful arc centered around his character but I'm not sure that'd be what I want for him, and we all know how lame dc is with permadeath nowadays. I'm also very mitigated with his villain side because yeah sometimes it's very fun and cathartic to see the angry/bad victim trope, but also the classismXpsychophobia of villain Red Hood sometimes are just too much; and also I'm a jaybin fan and sometimes I feel betrayed on jaybin's behalf by elements of his villainous characterization. (One day I'll write that damned UTH rewrite, I will).

With that being said!!! I love Jason because of his potential, he has so so much of it, that's what's exhausting about his many bad comics is that yeah. Yeah, dc can absolutely publish something more than good. They don't understand the goldmine they're sitting on in terms of potential.

What I'd love to see explored in hypothetical upcoming good comics (i'll talk more about it later with malfiora but for now)/how dc could go about reinventing his character :

1) addressing Jason's suicidality and getting him a functional support system (seriously, something's gotta give)

2) Get that boy a dog. Ik he had one at some point in N52 idc give him more dogs. Big ass rescue dog that's loyal and similar to him.

2) we need to figure out a way to let Jason keep being a Crime Alley/Park Row vigilant without being dependent on Batman. Like yeah he should explore the world away from him and heal but also i'm very uncomfortable with the idea that healing, for Jason, has to mean leaving the city and neighbourhood he grew up in and protected, has to mean be shoved out of his home by a guy who doesn't live there and, at least when Jason was a kid, only visited the place one time a year because of the anniversary of his parents' death- it's not fair and I won't accept it.

3) I so so agree about the "killing the red hood persona" or at the very least changing his vigilant name. Like I get the point, I understand the use he had for him, but his story can't be centered around the Joker forever (I keep thinking about the Joker's attitude to him in The Man who stopped Laughing and god, I can see a driving force to find himself as something else than what Batman and the Joker made him). At some point his name has to become something that is his and turned towards the future.

4) art + story that acknowledges how young he is (someone please let Jason take college class please please he deserves it)

5) perhaps most importantly: batman writers often sound like hardcore deontology or hardcore utilitarianism (and the occasional egoism) are the only acceptable moral philosophies. And for characters, it works! Like I can see Batman as a Kantian, sure. But for others, it doesn't fit as well.*

The cool thing about Jason's character right now is that he's a utilitarian, but a utilitarian that often isn't guided by his values. He can and will compromise on his philosophy in the name of love and being loved ( @bestangelofall called that a morality leash) and that already sets him as an interesting character in his own right. But in terms of redefining himself as a person after decades of defining himself through his pain (which, at 20-23 years old, he should get to do) I'd love to see an evolution of his morals based on love. Specifically, I'd love from his morals to shift from mathematical utilitarianism to agape, an ancient greek concept of platonic love for everything human, a movement towards the other that can be thought of as close to some conceptualisations of empathy. Mind you, that doesn't mean that he would stop killing! I can believe in a Jason who kills because or against of agape, the pain or relief that could be so good to explore in relation to that, how he would go on to define himself as a person... I feel like Jason has a certain tendency to kinda dehumanize the worst criminals as he kills them (a lesson from Judy, love her sm) which I love, but would also love to see him grow out of - learn to see and love everyone as human and what it means, a re-exploration of his empathy.

Imagine: a scene where he kills a guy because a kid victim begged him to. The focus on the image is on the kid's big wide tearstruck eyes, and then Jason's uncertain face, the kid begging him to kill the bad guy. And then Jason kills him and they're standing so close to eachother, and he's look him in the eyes and seeing the image of the kid's eyes, and then turning back to the kid while wiping the blood on his face and seeing the kid's wide eyes looking in disbelieving awe. And then kneeling and hugging the kid as he cries his heart out. And Jason's inner monologue during all that being something like "I could say that I killed him because I'm a bad guy; I probably am. Or argue the world is better off without scum like him; I could pretend I did it so he wouldn't hurt [x] again, or that I was thinking about all the other children he wouldn't be able to hurt anymore. But the truth is, I didn't. I killed him because [x] asked me to; because I could tell that he needed it. I can live with that."

Idk, that's the direction I would love to see it going, but simply "becoming even more open, louder and unapologetic about prioritising his love over his values, and being angry when it causes him dilemma" is something I'd love with as way. Very "Odysseus knows what he's going to choose the moment the gods tell him to throw the baby off the wall to see Penelope and Telemachus, but fuck if he's angry at the gods for making him make that choice" kind of vibe if you like Epic the musical.

*i'm not saying there aren't any characters in dc that fall out of this deontological/utilitarian false dilemma, it's just a vibe I get from batman writers at times, and as a consequence of specializing in one character I don't feel legitimate in exploring the intricacies of other characters because I feel like I'm lacking information and would be making uneducated guesses (that being said, I would fuck heavily with an exploration of Cass' morals VS Levinas' concept of ethics). If anybody has recommendations of dc characters that are neither utilitarian nor deontological (or are at least an interesting twist to it) I would love them so much please don't hesitate!!!

So yeah, idk if that answers your question, I don't pretend to know the intricate working of dc editorial. But imo there are wonderful possibilities for dc to reinvent Jason and write him into good comics -call me a blue lantern cause baby I got hope.

[brucewaynehater101]

I severely need Tim to get hit by The Clench a second time. I need him to cough blood and bleed from all orifices. I need him to get back on that medical bed and wrapped with a whole bunch of bandages. I want Tim to be on the verge of hopelessness because he doesn't believe he would make it. I want Bruce to be so firm in his denial, everyone believes his words as truth, making Tim super bitter on the inside but feeling touched that he actually cares. I want Tim to be on the verge of death, and Jason and Damian doing their utmost best to find a cure for Tim, but there's not enough time and their best doesn't feel like it's enough and. I need Dick to be his original, unhinged, rageful self on the warpath for whoever had the wonderful idea to give his baby brother The Clench a second time. I need Cass breaking bones and putting people on the verge of death because she's scared and angry and no one can stop her, not until her little brother is safe. And why Tim? Why not any other character? *grabs you by the face and squishes your cheeks* Because that boi is my blorbo and things need to happen to him

Tim barely survived the Clench with a fully functioning immune system. I doubt he'd survive a second dose... but that could be part of the angst.

Maybe he survives because Bruce already has the cure on hand, or maybe Ra's al Ghul releases a different deadly disease to take out Tim.

For Tim, I don't think slowly withering away in bed is something he can handle. He's meant to be up and helping others. He'd be so frustrated with his failing health, his constant sleeping (which loses a ton of time), and how his family hovers around him. He feels miserable (pain, fever, shaking limbs, vomiting, etc). He just wants to feel okay again. He wants his family to stop looking at him like that. He doesn't have enough energy to reassure or help them.

Tim is clenching the bed sheets as another family member sits by his bedside and confesses their regrets in case this is it. He hears the distinct pitches, tones, and defense mechanisms as they apologize for past transgression. With the way Tim's voice keeps sputtering into coughs, he can't interrupt or absolve them. He wishes they wouldn't do this.

He had forgiven them long ago.

Damian, a kid who's seen so much death, shouldn't be so shaken at Drake's frail figure. The sight of the person he's just starting to accept as his brother shouldn't cause the younger one's hands to shake. Tim has always been fallible (Damian has seen it when he pushed Tim off that dinosaur), but he's never been so defenseless and weak. The youngest Wayne can hardly leave his post at Tim's door or bedside.

[littlegreendeathmachine]

I love Apollo Justice SO much and he’s definitely one of my favorite characters of all time, but he has THE most chaotic backstory and none of it makes any sense at all and it drives me insane. I’ve spent way too much time trying to work my way through all the plot holes.

Why were his parents in Khura’in performing a private show for the queen? Did they know her personally? When and how did Apollo acquire his mom’s bracelet if he was literally an infant when they were separated? When Dhurke sent him to live in Japanafornia, who did he live with during that time? Who was raising him? Did he go to boarding school, and was that same boarding school where he met Clay? Why do none of the games address where he was at, what he was doing and who he was staying with from the time he left the Sahdmadhi family up until he became an adult and a lawyer, which would’ve been the largest chunk of his lifespan (from like age 10 to 23?!) We only know that he attended school and befriended Clay, they liked to hang out at the space museum, and he idolized Phoenix Wright and to an extent his foster father which most likely was his driving force behind becoming a defense attorney, if I remember correctly.

What was law school like for him? When, how and why did he meet Kristoph Gavin and begin working for him? What kind of a relationship did they have prior to the events of AA4? Did Phoenix set up that mentorship himself knowing he’d be able to use Apollo’s special abilities to his advantage, or did he not start digging into Apollo’s past until after he met him through Kristoph? Was this addressed and I just forgot? How did he not know about Klavier until he met him, or did he just know that his boss had a brother and nothing beyond that? Did he have any contact with Dhurke and Nahyuta at all after he left Khura’in and prior to everything that happened in SOJ?

This poor kid has been through hell and back like, 3 times, which is more times than the average person despite the initial narrative seeming to be that he was Just Some Guy— until the writers decided he was going to become the series’ proverbial punching bag and give him a triple whammy of tragic backstories? His life is literally so sad? Is anyone ever going to tell this sad sucka that his favorite musician is his mom and that his “found family” sister is his REAL sister? I hope he punches Nick in the nuts when he finally tells them?!?

El Pollo Loco is a precious egg of a person, and the world has done him so dirty, and the only solace we have is knowing that he, Athena and his sister are besties and his mentor kind of adopted them as a package deal? But now he’s halfway across the world from them trying to rebuild an entire country’s judicial system at the tender age of 24? SOMEONE SAVE HIM PLEASE!!!

I ❤️ Klapollo and I like to think they end up together and probably get married (would never happen in canon) but in the few crumbs of interactions they have in the games after AA4 they treat each other like they’re playful exes or something?!?

If they do another game for the mainline series, I’m torn between wanting the answers to some of these mysteries revealed, and wanting the writers to just stop talking about his backstory altogether because this short king needs a fucking BREAK.

Thanks for tuning in for my rant about Appletini Juicebox. I want to just hug him and tell him things are gonna get better. Making blorbos suffer is only fun when it’s in my imagination. The real thing hurts a little bit.

[bluedalahorse]

August for the character breakdown game!

Or if someone else already named him, how about [one secondary character of your choice] from YR?

August you asked for, and August you shall receive! I was hoping someone would ask me about him, and I’m really glad you did.

How I feel about this character: Good lord. The absolute perfect storm of what this character did to my psyche. I am not going to lie that I spent a lot of first season (and significant parts of second and third) screaming at him. And sometimes he makes me really mad at him even now! At the same time, he’s well-written and well-acted and terribly interesting, and I have wanted him to be able to figure stuff out and fix his life from the moment I learned that his father died by suicide and he’s dealing with traumatic grief. I have wanted to climb through the TV screen and pluck him out of an environment like Hillerska. August is such a fascinating example of the way the system fails even those it’s supposed to protect. I just want to break him out of the system, and write him into new situations. In conclusion, what a tragic blorbo I seem to have acquired. (Totally valid if he isn’t other people’s but I see why he’s mine.)

All the people I ship romantically with this character: First and foremost, Sara. I have a weakness for them as two weirdos who see a similar sort of loneliness and want in one another, who get drawn together even though there are plenty of reasons that that’s a bad idea. There are so many stories that can be written about them still. I think Sara breaking up with August was where their relationship needed to be at the end of season three, but I’m not ruling out futures-with-growth-and-therapy or alternate universes. They have the potential to be just as epic as any other pairing on the show! Outside of Sara… well, in my Nils post I talked about how much I ship August/Nils, and how there’s so much there that is currently untapped by fandom. And then Simon/August and Alexander/August are ideas that intrigue me, even though those are more in the realm of deliberate disaster fics.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: I came out of season 3 really enjoying the terrible preppy boy friendship trio so August and Nils and Vincent’s friendship dynamic fascinates me. As someone who went to an odd little college with a lot of traditions, I could relate to it a lot. The people who’ve been in close quarters with you, who you’ve had fun with, but who you’ve also been jealous of and you’re constantly on one another’s nerves… man. I really felt seen by that kind of complexity! I also have to admit I have a soft spot for August and Wille’s relationship, since Malte and Edvin have a lot of chemistry together, and because it seems like August and Wille’s healing is so interdependent. I could talk about that for ages, really.

My unpopular opinion about this character: I cannot even pick one to share because I’m fairly sure most of my opinions about August are unpopular. Liking August itself, in a way a fan does where you want to write fanfic focused on him or ship him with other characters or envision a more healed future for him—even if you repeatedly write multiple paragraph disclaimers about the harm that he did—kind of feels unpopular. And I wish it was a little less unpopular. And maybe my unpopular opinion is that the unpopularity of this opinion (August is indeed worthy of our fannishness) is not wholly by accident. I have no beef with the portion of fandom that just doesn’t particularly like him and doesn’t care to explore him in fanworks. Sometimes you don’t like the dark-haired Byronic asshole and that’s a valid personal preference! And for some people, engaging with August as a character isn’t something they can do with full emotional safety, and I would never want people to have to engage with him if that’s the case for them. He does do legitimate harm. At the same time, there is also a second current in fandom that is actively hostile to fans engaging with August in a fannish way, that uses language in a way that reduces him to his absolute worst deeds and does bad faith readings of any post that dares to explore him beyond the harm he does. I’ve heard stories of sargust edits on TikTok getting endless hate comments, and talked to writers who’ve wanted to write August-centric fic but figured it wouldn’t be worth not getting many hits. I’ve watched an adorable video where Edvin and Malte get interviewed together, only to see that the comments section was full of fans demanding Omar be in the video and not Malte. And I’m just thinking… why are people tearing stuff like this down? Why get angry about there being the bare minimum of nuanced August content out there? It’s not erasing any of the tens of thousands of Wilmon fics and edits. It’s not giving August more screentime in the show or having him take over as main character because the show is already finished. The way that Sara (and by extension Frida) gets caught in the crossfire is doubly upsetting. The lack of August and sargust and nilgust fanworks may be partially due to lack of interest on the part of some fans, but I can’t ignore that active hostility on the part of other fans has also played a role in who sticks around fandom and what they create. And that makes me terribly terribly sad. Because I look at other fandoms and it looks like they have more room for nuanced approaches. Like Interview with the Vampire fandom is having so much fun with Devil’s Minion and I don’t think we have anything like that.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I wish August and Simon had more of a chance to interact in season 3 without Wille there. I’ve talked before about how Wille and Simon have fundamentally different issues with August, and that they aren’t actually as united against him as Wille seems to think when he gets all hypermasculine and protective. I don’t actually think Simon and August could have resolved all their issues in one season, and they might not be able to period. But they might benefit from some kind of restorative conversations, even if those end in a place of non-closure. And there’s a lot that’s similar in their experiences that they don’t even know about. The worst thing is, it feels like the show is aware of this, and maybe had some moments in mind, but then cut them. Like why have that scene in 2.3 where August tells Vincent to shut up when Vincent’s being awful to Simon? Why have Simon be the one who names August’s eating disorder? I feel like they were meant to have more, and maybe it got cut because it didn’t involve Wilhelm. And honestly that makes me so sad, too.

This got horrendously long-winded and I apologize. But hopefully my answers were worth reading!

[tiredfoxtf]

top five favourite hermit aus? Either yours or someone elses

I HAVE to do mine, because I am not really overly familiar to other's. BUT!!! I ///have to/// mention the Hels To Pay AU by @/aquaquadrant and @/lunarcrown!!! It's so good, please. (((also not really hc aus, because I am more of a life series guy, I am not a fake ik ik)))

The Wicked Wild Hunt AU It's a new one, of course it's on the top of the list. sdfsdf Also it is on the top because I am making this au with my good mate @/thedeerus! There aren't A Lot of content that is seen for it... for now... *ominous organ* The name is actually composed out of three roles I gave to Pearl, Joel and Gem (The Wicked, The Wild and The Hunt) in the life series and they reminded my good friend about The Wild Hunt myths! And it initiated shared brain wormies and since then we've been slowly chiseling at it. >:)

Those Blue Skies Above AU I know, I know, but I can't let go of it just yet, I am currently rethinking a lot of aspects that should tie together better for it to actually function as a story and not just everything I like thrown together. sfsdf I really enjoy the lore I am slowly building for it! And it has probably some of the coolest ideas of mine thematically and concept-wise. I just need to polish it better, and work out all the Actual Story Parts That Are Beyond Vibes, and I will be so damn ready to draw more of it!1!! But the au is kinda fantasy during industrialisation and heavy inspired by Studio Ghibli! I guess specifically Howl's Moving Castle! And is centric to Grian, Mumbo and Scar. Although because I am obsessed like that I can't avoid making so many others very significant to the story. Like. Smalletho, Ranchers, PET, Cleo, Gem, hecking Martyn even. And I will probably complicate things even more! :D

Tested On Humans AU This is PURE self-indulgence. I can't begin to explain the reason why but from the very childhood I was soooo fascinated and in love with the concept of human experimentation for some reason??? I would often play pretend by myself (I had no friends, obviously) where I would lay down and imagine The Scientists TM picking me apart and other medical stuff my 10 year old brain couldn't understand. And yeah, the fascination didn't go anywhere so I get to torture blorbos with it! I don't want to have huuuge plans for it, because it's not the point. The point is to draw and imagine them having a mental breakdown from medical stuff and looking in the mirror. But it kinda just works itself out. Like I had the idea that the reason why Cleo was interested in specifically researching Scar's regeneration is because she knows she's terminally ill and is actively looks for a way to at least to prolong her life a few years. Or that Alpha and Beta subjects are divided on the principle of treatment. Aaaand I am rambling.

The Road To Hell Is Paved With Good Intentions AU At this stage it's actually several aus that are sewn together, because they were too similar for my liking in nature, so I just took everything I liked the most from them and thrown them in the pot! And since you can't really tell from the name it's, yeah well, it's a superhero-ish au. Ik Ik everyone and their MOTHER made a superhero-adjacent au (especially because of ddvau, bless Maruu's heart) but I can't abstain when the thoughts!!! The au (at least in it's initial form) was originally made from a dream I had! Many peeps aren't really familiar with that, but I rarely have Normal dreams, it's either like anxiety/nightmare adjacent dreams or the most convoluted stuff with plot. In that dream, the french cartoon that shan't be named style, was a power system that basically meant that in the ring Grian (yeah straight up him) was some magical power that made him a superhero. But although he tries to be a hero, to do the right thing, he is more of the villain to everyone. This is how au got the name too!! Although not a lot of original points stayed, the name did.

Prying Eye of The Conversationalist AU Idkkkk how much of a fan of the au I am at the moment, it has a lot of stuff I REALLY like, but at the same time I am not sure how to made more coherent and horror-like, since it's. The Point. Heavily inspired by me being absolutely in love with Hermit Archives fic series by the way, which were inspired by The Magnus Archives, which I myself dropped at the beginning of season 4, because I didn't really had fun anymore. But my obsessed with classifications brain fell in love with the idea. Just to not use it in my au! sdfsdf The motifs are kinda there ig, if you squint, but it's like vague (as it can be after you familiarize yerself with TMA lol) and unimportant. Also kinda inspired by my old idea (not an au, original story that was also never meant to be) of Nothing Happened On June 15th where a group of people enter a small town on a roadtrip, which is anomaly in time and upon fixing it everyone who died get resurrected with no memory of it ever happening and as it should, because the more people know about it, the more likely it is to return and swallow everything.

Honourable mention: The Ancient Ruins AU, to which I am writing a fic, that is like an introduction and I am 7k words deep and I am so close to finishing it, I can see the finish line, but it's been literal months that I am writing it. 😭😭😭😭

[daisywords]

5, 6, 9 for 2024 reads asks :)

5. Crowd Pleaser: Book you would recommend to almost anyone

Till We Have Faces by C.S. Lewis

Listen. It's really Great Literature. Also it's really good. You get it. Feels fantasy-esque enough to recommend to fantasy fans but also High Quality Literature enough to recommend to people that don't know how to have fun. Made me experience shrimp emotions and feel personally attacked and have blorbo thoughts but also it's like objectively really excellent stuff. Best thing C.S. Lewis ever wrote imo. Would recommend if you are religious or if you aren't. wow. I need to reread this book. It's not even that long; I read it in one day. If you write it will make you a better writer. if you are a human being it will make you understand something new about being a human being.

6. Dead Dove Do Not Eat: Book you would recommend to a select audience with a mountain of caveats

The Heretic by Nathan R. Allen Okay so the thing about this book is that it had serious pacing problems (in my opinion) and some things that made me cringe But. but. So many of the speculative elements are super unique and interesting and cool! Cool world, cool magic systems, compelling main plotline (once we finally got there lol) and character dynamics that made me want to corner the author somewhere and grab him by the shoulders and say WHAT DID YOU MEAN BY THIS??? (complimentary [I think]) So I would recommend it to select people that I think would be interested enough in the good stuff to see past the flaws. Now that I've issued my vague cautions, here's a vague pitch: Disabled Magic/Tech PhD student has to scout for state secrets by going undercover to train as an enhanced supersoldier in order to get his brother out of being drafted. If that sounds interesting to you, and you're interested in a really cool magic system that interacts cleverly with a decent spy-type plot, and you can handle the fact that it sometimes feels like a chore to get through, I might recommend it. Anyway. Just kid of frustrates me because this book was okay but it could have been so good if it was good, you know?

9. Compels Me Though: Okay, maybe not all of it made sense, but you had a great time anyway

The Hands of the Emperor by Victoria Goddard I have mixed feelings about the direction and execution of this book, but at the end of the day I enjoyed it very much. This was pitched to me as being similar to The Goblin Emperor, which I love, so I decided to check it out. I can definitely see the parallels, so I would pass that on as a recommendation. It feels like if the author read The Goblin Emperor and transparently took the elements she found the most compelling and took off with them. However. As a book I don't think it's very tightly executed and gets a little self-righteous and self-indulgent especially toward the end. It feels like the author started with a premise and then ran with it for a really long time as far as it would take her. A very very long book that doesn't finish quite where it started. I can see several reasons why someone could get very annoyed with this book. But it was such a nice read! I loved really getting to know the characters and the world (very extensive, interesting worldbuilding! And the world feels really vibrant and lived-in!). There was some very heartwarming and cathartic moments, and the characters were very endearing. The length and meandering pace allowed for a richness that really payed off in some places.

[313i]

i did the blorbo bingo with edling :3

ramble / explanations for my writing under cut!

for ling:

most fandom takes are incorrect: maybe it’s just me but ive seen a decent amount of people make ling out to be a pervert or just reduce him to a stupid silly character. ling yao is NOT A PERVERT! WHERE DID YOU GET THAT FROM! he would never even do HALF OF THE THINGS YOU GUYS ARE TALKING ABOUT!!!!!!!!!! and he is so far from just being a funny guy that makes the audience laugh. his motives and character as a whole are so incredibly strong and i’ve never been so fascinated with a character like ling yao. please give him more attention.

that also goes hand in hand w/ stop putting them in situations!!: he would not be looking up girls skirts or something 🙁 be kind to him i think he deserves the world also. the cast of fma consists of a bunch of 14-16 year olds who traveled across the world to fulfill what they feel is their destiny but they end up on a journey of pain and suffering instead. they are children they should be playing roblox and minecraft and brain rotting like me ……….. i need a 500 chapter fic of ling being happy and joyous and eating all the wonderful meat in amestris.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE NOT ENOUGH CANON / UNDERRATED: as much as i love greedling and understand the combo … i wish ling got more screentime alone separate from greed. he is really such an interesting and unique character with a banging design and sometimes i feel greed robbed him of his iconic features (his yellow jacket & sword) and people just forget that greedling exists because ling was strong enough to withstand the homunculus in his system + LING IS THE BODY!!! he is serving that facecard and body 24/7 because that’s all ling yao!!! i still do really like greedling because they have a lot of room for interaction but i feel like ling yao is one of the characters who is often forgotten when it comes to merch n whatnot. he’s not as much of a main character as ed of course but he is just forgotten!! he is really such a cool character i wish there was more of him everywhere

there’s probably a deep seated reason why i love him: yes. because he is me and i am him (not really). i just project onto him and he is just me at this point! i will forever be such a huge ling yao fan the first time i watched fmab i instantly got attached to him i am so happy he is alive. i hope being the king of the yao clan is treating him well though he didn’t look to happy in that one photo of him as emperor….. it’s a tough job so i get it man! i hope he explodes

for edling:

pretty privilege: they are both pretty. brotherhood art style is a bit inconsistent at times i feel but their designs are both so gorgeous (their colors complement one another!). and also the bloodhell episode. ling yao fighting envy with his cool sword and handsome face…. ed somehow still looking pretty despite all the traveling and fighting. they are pretty!!!

projection had entered the chat: well, yes! who doesn’t project onto their faves??? :p

don’t typically discuss irl because of fandom: more and more people nowadays seem to forget fma franchise as a whole 🙁 it makes me so sad because this series is so fire and i wish it would keep its popularity but it obviously makes sense that more relevant shows and animes will overtake its light. i’m also afraid most people don’t like edling (edling nation consists of like 10 people) so i just don’t really talk about fma irl at all! no one here has a Fullmetal heart..

everything else is just me wanting to bite them (lovingly) and stuff them in my pocket and hold them in the palm of my hands to show them off to the world. i do not actually want to plot their demise and i am not actively doing so. i would put them in a wood chipper in a loving manner

for ed:

has done nothing wrong: he’s innocent, your honor… everything he’s ever done has been for his family. he’s committed a huge taboo in the alchemy world by trying human transmutation but him and al just wanted their moms back. they were TOO YOUNG TO BE ORPHANS AND HAVE TO GROW UP WITHOUT THEIR MOTHERS LOVE! he ended up becoming a dog for the military but he had to do what he had to do to get closer to that philosopher stone… in 03 he did end up taking some lives too i think. he’s only 15 and never intended to Actually murder someone. seeing him after the greed scene is so incredibly heartbreaking. 03 and cos are such horrific renditions of fma (in a good way) and it makes me so sad to think that’s how he ended up??? he had so much hope as a little kid and was so full of life but by 18 he’s stranded from the last bit of family he knew and is left a depressed alcoholic who keeps losing people. edward elric has done nothing wrong..

there’s probably a deep seated reason why i love him: even from the outside HE IS SUCH A COOL CHARACTER. a character who canonical has prosthetic limbs is already so cool. knowing the story behind those limbs and his brother is so 🙁☹️☹️… his iconic red jacket!!! his LEATHER PANTS WITH HIS PLATFORM BOOTS? his striking gold eyes and bright blonde hair? how he wears his stupid pocket watch…. his dumbass belt… i love edward elric’s flamboyant style so much i’ve never seen a more bi-coded character ever. i love everything about his design and his personality is unlike most shonen anime protags and that adds to his charm. he is hot-headed and will bite your head off if you comment on his height or call him pipsqueak but he is still such a sharp and intelligent young man .. He is literally an Alchemy God…. he is so capable even at such a young age and carries himself so well because if i were him i would be breaking down crying every step of the way! he is dedicated and loyal to his cause of finding the philosophers stone to return their bodies back to normal and doesn’t even hinder once throughout the journey. he loves his brother dearly and it makes me so joyous to see a strong sibling relationship in this genre that isn’t Weird. Edward Elric is a fire character thank you for listening to my TedTalk

[bluejay-07]

end of year asks 12 14 25!!

14. Favourite book you read this year? (Usually I do these chronologically but I’m leaving the sappy answer for last lmao)

If I had to pick only one, The Mars House, by Natasha Pulley! Something about this novel just grabbed me and won’t let go; some mixture of the Gender Stuff and the excuse to research things I usually wouldn’t. It’s delightful. (And, of course, my new blorbo lol)

25. Did you create any characters this year?

Yes! I am cheating here and describing more than one, because I fully drafted a post about Nikola and just haven’t come back to it lol. I did a lot of fleshing-out for House Liu, actually; it’s been great fun!

I’m going to start with the prior generation; Junjiang Liu and Anastas Tsahar. Junjiang was everything the scion of House Liu was supposed to be; they put in years of service to the military without complaint or fear, never faltering. They fed their whole life to the war machine. And then one day, when they were overseeing an exploratory mission on Io, Anastas crashed into their life. 

They were a geologist, sent by the Tharsese government, and Junjiang is taken with them immediately. And honestly, of course Junjiang was—Anastas saw good in everything and anyone, even the awful volcano moon that wanted to kill them. So for the first time in their life, Junjiang disobeyed orders; the very day the two of them landed back on Mars, they got married.

The issue was, Junjiang was meant to marry someone else entirely. It was a deal brokered to save the last of a waning house, and the marriage would have sealed it. Instead, House Liu was thrown out of the Senate and consigned to obscurity.

It wasn’t the worst fate. Junjiang and Anastas were happy together—Junjiang was learning to live without outside orders to keep them together. And then one day, Anastas died.

It wasn’t important how, or why. What was most important was that Anastas was dead; the light had been turned out in Junjiang’s life. They spent the rest of their life alone, mourning their spouse, slipping further and further into obscurity and senility.

With Junjiang no longer fit to manage the affairs of the House, the responsibility fell to their heirs. Like most other houses, House Liu had always had two, as an insurance policy; should one die, the other would take up their duties in the field. 

As such, Niko has seen the worst of Tharsis. They have sent their sibling to die, for no good reason other than Parliament ordered it. They have seen their House destroyed, for the crime of simply going against what is expected again.

Niko has decided that it is not worth it. They are going to burn Tharsis in its current state to the fucking ground. That’s why they work so hard to get into the good graces of Guang Song specifically; the Great Houses, the whole system, needs to be obliterated. It is principle, yes, but it is also revenge. If Tharsis is made a true colony, none of this can ever happen again. 

12. Tell me about a new friend you made this year.

Okay, I fully recognize this is sappy as hell, but I believe this season is for showing your loved ones how much you appreciate them. And I really enjoy being your friend—whenever we speak, be that in tags or messages, it makes my day. Thank you for letting me ramble at you about TMH, and for always leaving lovely comments on my fic. It is an honour and a privilege.

[vexatiousidler]

(crossposting from cohost cause I need to let this out of my system fucking everywhere ok)

mad because I haven't had a blorbo in fucking years and Arcsys decide to go and reintroduce A.B.A. in strive and fuck

fuck

Her theme goes fucking hard and despite everything I relate to it, especially when the chants of "I'm not here to fit in this world, I just want to make a difference" kick in and I go OUGHHGGHGHGHH......................

And then I recently saw her true arcade ending and I genuinely cried??? At her and Paracelsus actually fucking talking??? Because she was talking to Testament and realised "oh shit I've been a horrible person this whole time"??? And deciding that while they both had a horrendous toxic relationship based on lies on his side and obsession on hers, they'd both strive (get it) to be better people for each other and fuck it hit me right fucking here man

And then on top of all the character devlopment and growth they went ahead and made her exactly like +R in the sense of she is fucking miserable and the worst character in the game free in normal mode but when you go ham she makes people fucking EXPLODE and the dichotomy is so funny and I'm so mad cause for the longest time I've hated strive but

I guess it just needed a character I actually fucking liked and they went ahead and did that so lucky me

(Disregard me still getting tilted at shit I don't know cause my mental and execution is still garbage but we work on it step by step)

[ghosts-and-blue-sweaters]

GRACE. i come to you as someone who knows 0 about arcane. i am so very curious and i want to hear you talk about viktor and jayce !! whats up with them!! what's their thing !!!

JULIA!!! Okayokay I have been thinking about this ask for weeks <3 Thank you SO MUCH for asking me about my silly science blorbos, I will try to make this not-very-long !!

TO BEGIN! A brief background on Jayce & Viktor!

Here is baby Jayce. He is very small and very innocent and very wide-eyed and we wish him the world. During this time, he and his mother ended up getting lost in a snowy place during a blizzard, and were minutes/hours away from freezing to death UNTIL a mysterious figure appeared out of nowhere—a hooded person who used very mysterious magic to transport Jayce and his mom away from the snowy place.

THAT BEGAN A BIT!!! OF A SPECIAL INTEREST FOR JAYCE!!! He became captivated by the idea of magic—specifically, finding a way to make magic accessible to the people! In this world, only mages, people born with the ability to interact with & use “the arcane” (aka, magic) are able to… y’know, use magic. But Jayce wanted to change that! He saw with his very own eyes what magic could do—what beauty & miracles it was capable of—and he wanted to figure out how to do it again, without needing a mysterious hooded magic user to help.

Jayce pours every Inch of his being into researching and experimenting on magic, trying to figure out how to make it work. He is a very smart man, but um. well none of his experiments ever work <3 He has no real clue what he’s doing wrong and he has nothing to show for his years of work. And yet he keeps trying!! Because he is Jayce Talis and he is very stubborn!!

This is baby Viktor :) In almost every way he and Jayce’s stories are opposite; instead of being born in Piltover, which is a rich, prospering city overflowing with art & science, Viktor is born in the Undercity, a neighbor to Piltover! The Undercity is bleak, poor, and dark, and many people who live there rely on violent organizations to keep them alive. Many people are starving, sick, orphaned, crippled… so on so forth.

Viktor was orphaned at a very young age, and he’s had a crippled leg since birth (I’m pretty sure). BUT he is very, incredibly, extraordinarily smart. Kind of makes me wonder if he’s possibly autistic with savant syndrome… but that is a topic for another day. The point is, Viktor is very very smart, but he is also very very poor and alone.

BUT against all the odds, Viktor grows up & leaves the Undercity, attempting to make a new life in Piltover. Worth nothing that Piltover and the Undercity do not get along despite being neighboring cities; the Undercity folk believe that the people in Piltover are spoiled, selfish, cruel, and to blame for all of their misfortunes, while the Piltover folk see the people in the Undercity as filthy, immoral, dangerous criminals. It was not easy for poor Viktor :( Especially since he had absolutely no support system.

AND YET!!! Viktor does it!!! He becomes the assistant to the lead scientist in Piltover!! His life is better now, much better, and Viktor is very proud of himself :) And yet… he feels as if his talents are being neglected. just a little bit. He’s happy with what he has but he wants to be more than just an assistant. He just isn’t sure… what to do about that.

Flash forward to when the series starts: Jayce and Viktor end up meeting because Jayce’s apartment um. exploded. And the reason for said explosion is partially because of Jayce’s (illegal) science experiments relating to magic, and partially because some Other main characters broke into Jayce’s apartment. But nevertheless, Jayce’s apartment is very exploded, Jayce is very upset, and Viktor is very intrigued.

I will skip over the details but to put it simply, Viktor and Jayce decide to team up! Jayce needs someone a little smarter than him to complete the research, and Viktor is hungry for a chance to do something Big, something bigger than an assistant. So they team up, become science partners, become kinda instant besties, and together they successfully prove to Piltover that magic can be harnessed by ordinary people, and magic can be used for remarkable good :D

Jayce and Viktor are soooooo nerdy and silly. Their dynamic is wonderful and the characters on their own are amazing. THE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT THEY GET!!! THEIR ARCS!!! THEIR DEEPENING RELATIONSHIP!!! AAAAAA!!! So much to say about them. But I think this is sufficient for now :)

Pictures!!

And Jayce on his own because the pure Silliness:

He is sooooo silly & stupid you don’t even understand… he’s so <3

And of course the man himself, Viktor:

He is also quite silly. But in a more depressed way.

So yes! Those are my silly science blorbos :) They mean very much to me and!! I hope this all made sense!!

[12thhouse-sun]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

@lanafofana threw glitter on me and then ran away therefore I am required to follow through with these shenanigans (love youuuu)

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

Eight!!! Hopefully more soon!

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

67, 826

3) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

you're at the top of my lungs Gale x f!tav events of bg3 longfic!

fine art Gale x f!Tav emotional post-game smut plus some gale teasing

three's a party TWO, count em, TWO simulacrum threesomes

Axioms of heavenly bodies; an intimate analysis of systems unknown and the pleasures contained therein cute Gale x f!tav modern au smutty oneshot

a bene placito Gale x f!Tav married morning sex, cockwarming, etc

4) What fandoms do you write for?

Baldur's Gate 3 for now. Maybe I'll eventually get inspired enough to write some Dragon Age (Veilguard specifically, or maybe even Inqusition if I keep playing???)

5) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I always try to! As a writer seeing a comment brings me THE MOST joy and so i want to thank each and every one of you for being there. And also as a reader, I love when the author responds esp if it leads to whole-ass convos. I've actually made friends this way!

6) What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Uhhhhh the published WIPs I have right now I plan on having happy endings. And a few of the unpublished ones as well. There are a few early-draft WIPs that I'm considering a more angsty end direction, but there's so much angst fodder in Gale and Poppy's stories already, that I like the angst being throughout and then putting them back together.

But never say never!

7) What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I guess Axioms? Because of the love confession, multiple orgasms, etc etc. Again, my published multi-fic chapters have yet to get to the ending so ask me again once both are finished lmao

8) Do you get hate on fics?

Nope! And if I get any I will cry

9) Do you write smut?

hehehehehehehehehe

10) Do you write crossovers?

I haven't yet, and don't have any in mind at the moment, even as just a loose idea. The closest idea that I have is a modern au bg3 fic where a local theater is putting on Heathers. Gale plays JD. I will not elaborate further lmao. OH I ALMOST FORGOT and a My Big Fat Greek Wedding idea but Gale is Toula lmao.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so? I hope not :sob:

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I'm aware of but if anyone's interested PLEASE LET ME KNOW I'D LOVE TO CHAT

13) Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Not yet! But the girlies and I chat enough about our blorbos where maybe something will happen @dr-demi-bee Miri and Poppy crossover fic? Maybe?

14) What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Oh god. The Doctor and Rose, probably.

15) What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Lmao all of them, ideally! I'd love to finish YATTOML because it's THE bg3 story and I know where I want it to go, I just need to sit down and write it. I also have a modern college au that I have big feelings about and would love to start publishing (ONCE IT"S DONE).

16) What are your writing strengths?

I've been told I nail Gale's voice and that I write very good smut. Other than that, I'm not sure? Maybe I should start asking for more explicit feedback lmao.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

I can't focus on one fic at a time for long enough to contribute anything productive. Hence why I feel like I haven't published anything substantial in ages.

18) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

I think it's great, though I'd be too nervous to actually give it a go beyond a phrase here or there. I don't want the native speakers to be taken out of it. I love reading it as a reader, though.

19) First fandom you wrote for?

Baldur's Gate 3!!!!

20) Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

Oh geez. Probably Axioms. I shared ONE snippet of an idea in the server and everyone was like MOAR PLEAAAASE and so I turned one snippet into a whole 6.8k word thing. It was the first time I really captured Gale's voice and there's something about it that's really comforting. Also Tara and Hey There Delilah lmao.

Lana glitter-tagged the whole server so I will add (no pressure obvs) @pouroverpaloma @tociminna @thecurlyginger

[moonlit-dreamers]

its always kinda baffled me how my ocd wasnt recognized sooner but ive realized why it probably wasnt

bc my compulsions were "ideal" behaviors.

long ass post ahead so i apologize but i dont feel like going through and cutting the length down. its 12:30am and i wanted to write this down before i either read a book or write about my blorbos

i used to brush my teeth at LEAST 5 times a day. i hated when they felt "dirty". yk when you run your tongue over the front of your teeth and sometimes you can feel it be a bit textured bc of all the gunk on there? yeah i'd do it obsessively (haha get it cuz . cuz obsessive compulsive . ocd. i'll stop) and any time it felt even *slightly* dirty i'd brush my teeth. and if i didnt have access to a toothbrush i'd scrape off the plaque with my fingernails.

i explained this behavior to my dentist once. i'd looked into over brushing and how brushing your teeth more isnt actually better. i had a feeling that something was wrong. but when i brought it up they said it was fine. good, even. a bit unusual behavior but at least i was brushing my teeth, right?

the other was washing my hands. i HATED my hands feeling dirty (noticing a pattern?). if i touched anything i'd wash them. if i touched the table i'd wash them. if i touched the kitchen counter i'd wash them. if i touched glass i'd wash them. if i touched a person i'd wash them. hell, i'd even wash them after touching my own skin. every time i'd use soap and hot water. i'd scrub aggressively til my hands were red. i have eczema too so that made it exponentially worse.

nowadays i dont wash my hands nearly as much, only doing it when its considered "necessary" (like before and after eating food, after using the bathroom, after getting my hands Actually dirty (like with dirt or dust) and after being out in public spaces). usually just briefly throwing my hand under some warm water and scrubbing satisfies me enough if the compulsion is too strong.

but nobody ever considered it was an unhealthy behavior. i was washing my hands, right? i was cleaner than most kids. i rarely get sick. which honestly idk if its my immune system being strong as hell or if its bc of how clean my environment usually is. usually when i get sick its after ive been in a public space or if a family member spreads it. but i digress.

i also have responsibility ocd so i feel the need to always be in control of a situation. i feel like everything is my job and im the only one who can do it right. the feeling of me being the only one who can do it might be part of another disorder but blehhh this isnt about them. but my point is that i feel like everything is up to me. my bird is the biggest source of anxiety for me. what if im not taking care of him properly? what if hes sick and i dont know? what if im not cleaning his cage enough? what if im not good enough for him?

usually this leads to me doing research for around 30 minutes before getting overwhelmed and breaking down crying bc everywhere i look is conflicting information or its too overwhelming for me to handle. i see all these ppl take care of their birds perfectly. clean their cage once a week, make their chop like it requires no effort, easily change their cage around, clean the space everyday, train them everyday, have all the toys they need, etc. its difficult for me to see bc it sets up the internal expectation that i Also need to be like this.

i recently met someone who seems to have a lot of the same struggles that i do and honestly its comforting and has really helped me a lot with my whole "im a shitty parent and should give him away i dont deserve him".

but with that behavior it makes it seem like im a leader. like i *want* to be a leader. i really dont but i feel like i have to. ppl praise me for being so brave, for stepping up when others wont, for trying so hard and doing so well. internally im breaking apart. i dont want to do it. i dont want to do any of it. when i was younger i used to frequently think to myself "i shouldnt be expected to be an activist for my own rights at 15." my mom used to praise me for it and she still does. i really only try and do this stuff bc i feel like i have to. im trying to change it around into "this is something i Want to do bc i Want to make the world a better place, one step at a time."

but my whole point is that they never caught this stuff bc the compulsions led to "ideal" behaviors. i was clean, i took care of myself better than most kids, i was brave and stepped up when others wouldnt.

i wasnt happy. i was tearing myself apart inside. and nobody saw it bc i was doing what they wanted.

[xmaveria]

This is all you need to know about me, perhaps I really am a bird :0!!

Its surprising I didn't feel like I did much this year with ocs but turns out I had more art I wanted to include!

I hope you all enjoy a bit of an art & artist recap! Time has flown by so fast but in a good way it surprises me how productive I still was despite having less computer time. Things are surely busy I suppose with being an adult that is a norm. Yet I am hopeful for next year. One thing I am proud of is how mentally things have been going up or stable? For me at least for a few years back I genuinely wanted to skip my life no matter what didn't feel like there was much point in looking up at it when so many things impede you for just existing somewhere else. I couldn't care less if I missed "a life" events with family, peers and opportunities as such to the point I was to be in auto pilot until everything fell where it needed to even if it took 5,10,40 years and I could finally "live my life" and not feel any anguish over big burdens or dreams. Yet nowadays I can't help but find myself happy for weekly events or tiny moments a spur of inspiration gives me ^^ Slowly and as corny as it sounds life should be lived in the moment and even if some things still want me to not succeed whether people or systems I shall make the best of it. Hay que ir de dia a dia! Quien dijo miedo cuando ya uno esta en la boca del tigre!

I believe that reflects so much in one's art. And with a better mental state well I've been the most productive in AF I did better than when I had free afternoons every day and with a tighter schedule xD Although this year also made me realize how nice it is to be able to hold your own art space per say, share ideas with other creatives get inspired on the same subjects. Truly thank you all for the support and engagement I know lately things have been dealt hard with online artists but to those that still stick around and share what fills their hearts content are the life blood of the art community in every platform. So thank you to the people passing by and appreciating my art once or twice. EVEN MORE to my followers here and everywhere else I have grown as a professional artists these years as well with your help and kindness that I will forever remember (also the fact that you all like to see and comment on my blorbos or silly thoughts/aesthetics? makes me overjoyed haha) AND TO MY FRIENDS YOU ALL KNOW THE MVPS OF ALL THIS TY FOR BEING HERE there has never been a dull year for me interacting with you all and getting to know more about the art and characters you all have <3 Thanks for reading this o/ Enjoy the holidays and have a great time however you like to spend it, and to those also going through similar things try to treat yourself in any way you can. Wishing things get easier for you at some point very soon!