#i need to stop rambling and thinking about them right now

[theothots]

faceless soulmates au but it’s also a faceless driver au. landoscar style

OP81 was a fucking mystery to lando. faceless drivers were more and more common, especially after max and lewis had had such impressive careers before their face reveals, so it wasn’t like he was thrown off by not knowing what his teammate looked like. it’s just. it had been a year since daniel left, the reassuring older brother bond frayed and tired as he departed, but still very much there, and the arrival of this faceless, monotone, machine of a rookie did fuck all to fill the void danny left. even a year on, despite the pr videos they had filmed together, lando just couldn’t get a read on OP.

he saw him sometimes chatting to logan and alex over at the williams garage, and OP was normal with them. he was normal with all the other drivers, in fact, laughing at their jokes, making quips when the moment needed them, giving a pat on the back after a hard race.

he wasn’t normal with lando.

sometimes lando would look across the garage and see OPs helmet staring right back at him, like his gaze had been fixed on him for hours, but then he would go over to chat and get the typical one word pr responses. lando was at the point where he thought it made the most sense that OP just didn’t fucking like him. which sucked, because having a teammate his own age should’ve been fun, even with the whole faceless thing, but lando could live with it.

it was just after the qatar sprint, everyone swearing buckets and thanking a higher power (their team principals) that media had been cut short due to the state of the drivers. lando had already been in his ice bath and was wandering back to his drivers room to go and pass out on the bed until someone started worrying about where he was and came and got him, passing by a cupboard when he heard a bump from inside and a crash.

intrigued and slightly concerned, he opened the door carefully to see a very wet OP with his helmet haphazardly on and his breathing halfway to hyperventilating.

what the fuck.

“oh fuck. oh fuck im so sorry you- shit sorry lando just pretend you didn’t see me- god this is fucking embarrassing-” OP rambled as he scrambled for the door handle, ignoring landos frozen body in the corridor.

his brain caught up to him and he clocked into the distressed tone of OPs voice. “wait, mate are you ok? stupid question, clearly not considering mr sprint winner is in a cleaning cupboard panicking. what the fuck happened?” he grabbed OPs arm from where it had been grabbing at the door handle and stopped it, making his way into the small cupboard at the same time.

OP stopped his rapid scrambling, seeming to accept landos presence in the cramped space, both boys sinking to the floor.

“i- have you not seen the photos? god they’re already all over the internet people probably know my fucking name- i just forgot there was reporters right next to the motorhome on the way back from the ice baths- i didn’t think they would see anything, i thought my face was covered-”

and oh. lando understood. OPs face had been leaked. oh fuck.

“oh fuck.”

smooth.

“yeah that’s-” a wet laugh escaped OP “that’s one way to put it. god this is so fucked.” his breathing was calming down, the situation no less terrible but the company in his moment of need bringing his heart rate down.

OP looked over at lando, who been subconsciously gently stroking his arm from his close spot next to him. he coughed lightly, trying to shake the broken tone from his throat, before speaking.

“have you seen what twitters saying? kim found me before i could look and grabbed my phone on his way to speak to zak and andrea. i was supposed to join them but i needed to just… take a minute.”

lando looked at him with sympathy, but got out his phone. considering the amount of bad press he’d gotten over the years, he knew checking social media right now probably wasn’t the best choice, but he also knew it was like an itch that needed to be scratched, and at least OP could look at it whilst he was with him for support.

he clicked on twitter, hesitating momentarily, but committing anyway, and went to the trending tab. OP81 was trending, along with a few other tags about the race and the name oscar. he clicked on the OP81 tag, and scrolled until he found a photo, the guilt of looking welling up in him but the curiosity winning out. but when he looked at the photo that had been posted he was confused.

“well mate it’s not that bad, it’s blurred anyway.”

OP81 looked at him, and lando imagined him slowly blinking underneath the helmet.

“what.”

“yeah look mate the photo that’s been posted has blocked out your face anyway. maybe that’s just edited.” lando focused back on the phone, eyebrows scrunching as he looked through the photos. “no look, they’re all like this see?”

OP81 did not see. OP81 was in fact having a crisis now for an entirely different reason.

what the fuck.

“lando… the photos aren’t blurred.”

lando looked at him like he was an idiot.

“yes mate they clearly are. look-” but before he could finish, OP lifted off his helmet. a completely blank canvas stared back at lando. it was as if someone had forgotten to tell landos brain what eyes and a mouth and a nose and a hairline looked like. it was all fuzzy, like he was looking at OP without glasses.

oh. oh.

“the photos aren’t blurred.”

OP81 sighs and tilts his head back against the wall, facing away from lando.

“i can’t see your face either. or. i guess now we know that, it’ll change.”

it took a few moments, the darkness of the cupboard now that the door had drifted shut again not helping, but when they looked back at each other, they could see. OPs swoop of brown hair, his moles, his brown eyes. holy shit. fuck being faceless, his teammate was pretty.

holy shit. his soulmate was pretty.

“wow. OP-”

“oscar. it’s- my names oscar piastri. i guess you should know now. that a good wow?” a hopeful gleam shone in OPs- in oscars eyes.

“god yeah it’s a good wow. you’re pretty.”

that got a laugh out of oscar, echoing around the cupboard and reminding the pair of the predicament they were in.

“we should probably-”

“yeah. zak and the team will be waiting.”

neither boy made to move.

“you know i didn’t- i’m really sorry if i was weird around you. before. i think i forgot i didn’t show my face? and so the soulmate rules of them having seen your face and clarity being restored to each of you wouldn’t apply. so when i kept not being able to see your face even after we’d been teammates for half a year, i just assumed what i had been landed with was a good old unrequited scenario. which sucked im gonna be honest cause you are you, and i obviously had a massive crush on you and-”

landos brain short circuited. “obviously? oscar i thought you were ignoring me because you didn’t like me. not because you thought that we weren’t soulmates. god i wish this happened earlier. well obviously i wish you hadn’t had your face leaked but-”

“oh shut up,” oscar said, and pulled lando in to kiss him. lando melted into him and he felt oscar relax as well. a moment went by and then lando pulled back, mourning the closeness but remembering why they were here in the first place.

“ok. as much as im loving the new teammate dynamic we have developed in the space of ten minutes, a panic attack, and a face reveal, we do need to go and talk to zak about that last one.”

they sighed and begrudgingly stood up, stretching slightly and nudging the door open. together they wandered back down to the main room in the mclaren motorhome, meeting the team and looking slightly sheepish.

they sat down as some of the social media team ran through their plan of action, condemning the posting of oscars face and name to the public, but encouraging oscar to embrace it. he nodded along, a distracted look in his eyes as he flicked over the faces of all the mclaren workers looking his way with curiosity. feeling a bit like a bug under a microscope, he grabbed landos hand for support, a look of understanding coming from the elder driver.

“um, one more thing,” lando said, speaking up for the first time in this meeting. all eyes fell on him and he looked at oscar guiltily. “me and osc are soulmates.”

“WHAT?”

[nitpick7]

some questions/thoughts i have about pvpciv right now. because i need to put them somewhere in the world. (spoilers ahead. lol)

we know the swords and shields can rank up, and it's implied the axes can. (seawatt says that the ppl who killed the bows were diamond axes, not just axes.) can bows and tridents rank up? if so, how?

do all the shields live in the sword civ? is there a shield civ? the map only shows 4 civs and the center. is there no specific shield civilization? they can move between civs when they reach gold level. do they just? spawn in a random civ? and then get to move around once they rank up enough?

why couldn't that girl's sword do any damage to evbo in part 2 is it because he's the chosen one and the chosen one is apparently unable to be hit by a sword what does this MEAN EVBO????

did all the bows die before or after parrot left. he said he was kicked out so probably before. he also told evbo to go to bow civ, and it sounded like he thought the civilization still existed. but then why does zam know parrot's the only one left (besides seawatt)?? and why does zam think parrot knows? "why are you the only one left?" WHY DO YOU THINK HE KNOWS ABOUT THAT WHEN WERE THE BOWS WIPED OUT

more importantly, were the bows wiped out before or after tabi got the eternal sword. what's the timeline here.

(i ramble a lot more about less important things under the cut)

will enchantments ever be relevant. or exist. is that how bows/tridents rank up? is that how the netherite sword has infinite durability? does it just have mending? the bows work like they have infinity but they aren't enchanted. what does this mean.

video journal machines are only available in sword civ. but you need secondary items to steal people's weapons. so you have to be able to buy things in other civs. what can you buy in the other civs.

i really want a prequel series about ferre and the other diamond swords

it's called "ranking up" even though they go down a level. if evbo was a linguistics nerd he'd have called it "ranking down". that would probably get confusing but i need to mention this.

are newborn swords farmed for their durability before they get to sword civ? if so, how did evbo (and that other guy from ep 1) (and that girl from part 2) make it to sword civ?

if they aren't farmed for durability until they get to sword civ, that makes sense.

How did the entire civilization Get there.

why does the battle simulator exist. who put it there. does every civilization have one? are they even set up the same way??

i've never seen a hostile mob (or any mobs tbh) in pvpciv which implies it's on peaceful difficulty and that's really funny

wait if no mobs then how is there food. i'm confused again.

these are literally just minecraft mechanics but how did evbo do the hidden block to get to gold sword level. and how did he do the thing with the water. there's usually cuts when he loses his items but i think the water stopping is real. how did he do that i want the behind the scenes

[grim333z]

Bandages~

Ftm!Carl x Ftm! reader 

[ this was intended to be ftm reader but honestly it works for anyone really.]

{Tw: mentions of unsafe binding, scars, gender dysphoria}

"Don't believe what they say

We're dead flies in the summertime

They leave us all behind

With duct-tape scars on my honey"

"hey,?" Rings out from the entryway, the quiet gentle tick of the latch hooking as the door closes, its the Grimes boy, you'd seen him around every so often, preferring to bury yourself in your studies rather than engage with any of the other teenagers in the area. "Hm?" You hum as a gentle response, watching his figure soon appear across the counter to you. 

"Can I help..?" You query, looking at him looking uncomfortably out of place, he'd been in the infirmary for a gunshot wound not long back, way back when Denise hadn't got a clue to even start training someone, letting you linger but not touch. Being fascinated by everything she did, but being shut down after asking any questions, distracting her from her work unintentionally.

"Is Denise here?" He glances around with his one none bandaged eye, before his gaze falls back on you again,  you shake your head in response, shutting the book in front of you. 

"She isn't here, is there anything I can help with...?"  Your eyes focused on him, as he looks down at the floor in front of his feet, you can practically smell the embarrassment radiating off him, like he's only in their for a really stupid reason. "I just, needed some bandages...please" He hums quietly, glancing at the storage cupboard, "Why?" You huff in response, garnering a look of confusion from the boy; who'd now clearly never been challenged for needing medical supplies,

"For my eye...?"He hums, to which you nod in response, letting him wander over to the cupboard grabbing a bandage which was far to long and far to wide to wrap a couple times around his head, while the bandages that he usually needed sat unacknowledged beside the one he'd picked up. "Wrong one, you need the one to the right," He turns to look at you, the roll sitting limp in his palm, "What, oh.. right" He responds picking up the right one.

"Unless you need the other one, but if you did it wouldn't be for your eye... too long to wide to sit comfortably on your face." You ramble, looking at him. Watching him debate about which one's he actually needs. "You can tell me you know..?" You breathe, trying to coax whatever it is out of him. 

"I just, I just need these okay.." He says shovelling the roll into his pocket before making a B-line to the door. "What for." You say, not letting up, "I have to tell Denise, and she'll get an answer out of you anyway." 

"Just drop it." You say, watching him glare at you, before the pale white roll falls from his hands, slipping out his grip accidentally. He bends down to pick the thing up, wincing on his way down ."I didn't mean actuall- are you alright...?" You ask... as he attempts to straighten out in front of you. "m'fine, just some side pain, its nothing." He brushes you off. 

"Side pain?" You ask, feeling the curiosity rise within you, the un-satiable need for explanations, and there really was no Denise to take this patient from you, she was out. 

"Rib pain..?" He breaths, like he almost doesen't want you to hear. 

"You're not..?" You question, glancing at the bandages in his hands before back up to his face as he nods. "Ah...Right, you're... ok I get it, just... you're in pain?" Letting your feet fall against the floor as you walk around the kitchen island to stand in front of him, watching him nod. 

"You could be bruising your ribs. Especially if you're going out on runs with it on, How long...?" You hum, as he pauses for a moment to think before responding, "A couple years." Your eyes widen.. "Years..?" blinking at him for a moment before continuing "Without a break?" 

He nods, a faint look of guilt crossing his face, "Its, just not safe. I'm gonna say take a break, hell stop using them, we have some sports tape you could try, its kinda fiddly but its less pressure on the ribs if you wanna give it a go..." His eyes look up at you, intrigued by your suggestion, 

"Sports tape?" He questions, making eye contact for the first time, slightly confused on why you haven't bombarded him with questions, just taken the information and offered help. 

"Kt tape, people use it to like support muscles after sustaining injury's in sport, Denise always puts it on the lists for run's since someone's always pulling something when on runs or working on something." he nods in response to your words, mulling them over in his mind.

"Doesn't it just work like bandages though...?" You feel his gaze on you as you head to the cupboard to grab a decent size roll of pale flesh tone KT tape, "Nope, it doesn't compress...? it kind of just moves it, to look flatter... so there's no pressure on the ribs. Its a little fiddly, but once you've got it, it'll stay there for a bit then you change it." He look perplexed at the small roll in your hands, nervously chewing his bottom lip. 

"Uh, right, thanks" He quietly accepts the roll, heading for the door. "I'll give it a go..."

"You sure you don't wanna try it in the bathroom, you know in case you need any help" You hum as you resume your seat in front at the counter, Carl stammers unsure on how to respond, seeming eager to escape this incredibly awkward situation, however deep down knowing he's more than likely got no fucking clue where to start. "I don't-" He stumbles over his words, unsure on which option is gonna work out most in his favour.

"I won't do anything you're uncomfortable with. I'm a doctor not a creep." Your fingers idly trace the raised letters on the cover of the incredibly worn medical textbook in front of you, noting the distinct look of hesitation plastered across his face. "hm?" He poses the sound like its a question but you aren't entirely sure what he's trying to ask. "I'm- I mean I don't really know what- how to... you know" he sucks in a deep breath, feigning composure.

You click your tongue, before signalling him towards you. Standing up to find a pair of scissors, watching his awkward form linger where you once stood, upon your return, he passes the roll over, watching you cut off a decent strip and round the edges, doing that three more times before passing them too him, "You just kind of" You hum making the motion he'd need to follow, a confused but almost understanding look on his face. "It'll be weird at first, Just give it a go...?" 

"uh yeah, I- uh still haven't got a clue." He stammers holding the strips you'd cut off like they're inches away from exploding, "I can do it for you, you just don't seem the most comfortable right now, let alone-" He nods, before you can finish talking.

"It's fine, just get it over with" He rambles.

Sliding his Shirt down, running the pale palms of his hands down the front of his shirt. You watch as his eyebrows wrinkle before softening before looking up at you with a gentle momentary smile on his face, hardly even their. "Thanks.." He breaths, looking in the mirror as you collect the backs off the tape and throw them into the small trash bin beside the toilet, nodding "It's fine, dude I get it." He looks at you in confusion before clocking your words, smiling at you before walking out. Leaving you to clean up, which you didn't really mind, there wasn't really much else to do. 

Over time he develops the habit of coming to you to change it, trusting you more than himself to apply it right. 

He stands in front of you, gently tracing the buds of his finger tips around the edges of the fresh tape, looking at himself in the mirror, "They're not to tight are they?" You query, noting him fussing over them longer than usual, he shakes his head, blue eye tracing his own bare pale torso in the mirror, "Are you okay...?" You whisper, receiving a hum in response. Passing over the grey button-up he'd come to the infirmary in, slipping it on loosely, he hesitates glancing at you. "I- thanks for doing this for me... I really appreciate it" He hums, unsure where to look though his gaze always seems to land on your lips, only for a brief moment though you're so sure of it, "It's fine honestly, isn't much else to do around he-" You ramble being cut off by his lips against yours, feeling his arms either side of you as he braces himself, it's messy and clumsy like he's really acted on impulse here, though it doesn't lack emotion, you can tell whatever has brought this on has been building for some time... Though when he pulls away he looks thoroughly ridden with guilt, fingers fumbling to  button up his shirt as he fiddles with his free hand to get the door open. Leaving you left confused, leaning against the cool granite counter in the bathroom,  blinking at the empty space where he was just stood. 

The rest of the day you spend spaced out staring at the words in the notes Denise gave you to study; which in all reality were just a distraction to keep you out of her way. Eyes going over the words over and over without them ever actually being absorbed. This spaced out state doesn't seem to dissipate on the walk home either, until you spot him, knees drawn to his chest atop the gazebo he usually sat with Enid on, however this time he was alone. 

"Carl?" You pause your movements yelling up to him, just faintly you see his eye widen as it clicks in his brain who you are. "Uhm...uh shit- I uh.." He stammers, meanwhile you're climbing up to sit with him, hearing the apologies start the moment you take seat beside him "I uh I'm sorry I just don't know what I was thinking... I just, I'm so-" He stumbles being cut off as you pull his face towards you, looking into his eye, the warmth of his face radiating into the palms of your hands "Carl, Dude" He blinks at you, chewing the dry skin in the corner of his mouth; radiating some uncomfortable almost fear. "You never gave me a chance to respond, you just took off...I didn't mind it..." You whisper, watching his gaze fade into something more relaxed. "Really?" His words are filled to the brim with uncertainty, the gentle almost child like uncertainty faintly lingering in each of his words. "Really." You whisper, brushing some of his loose hair behind his ear. The faint pink edges of his lips raise slightly, illuminated by the subtle blue glow from the moon. 

[icebarefoxy]

I made this on a late night several days ago and it's time for it to be made public

[xxplastic-cubexx]

it doesnt need to be said but its genuinely so funny how at-the-hip charles and erik are in krakoa like they really had the green light- the OBLIGATION- to be as obnoxiously close to each other as possible and abused that right to the fullest extent

[quigzahhutt]

I've been incapable of thinking about anything else aside from the fact that Logan is PERFECT temple and cheek kissing height for Alex

like!! Logan was made to be smooched !!!!

[murdleandmarot]

The gang’s all here!! They’re on the case!! And there’s no ghost that they wouldn’t chase!!!!!

@mysticalcats’s Foxglove, @toki-toro’s Chaumet, @emimii’s Clownaire, and my own Bluebelle :)

[mariyekos]

One day I want to write an AU where Dante and Vergil were actually born a few hundred/thousand years pre-story, which is something Dante tries to hide while Vergil doesn't. I have 2 main ideas for it- DMC1/3 Fusion AU and DMC4 AU. These got long, so I'm putting them under the cut!

In the DMC1 AU, it'd be sort of like a combination of the anime, DMC3, and what you see in DMC1. Dante'd look like he's in his late 20s for this one. He and Lady would meet because they've both been hired for the same job, then encounter each other on some odd jobs before they end up working together on a big one. Maybe Arkham killed Kalina Ann when Lady was a teenager, but didn't manage to enact the rest of his plans right away so Lady's been chasing him for a decade, hunting demons in hopes of finding a lead. Dante meanwhile just likes the human world, so he goes from place to place hunting demons until it gets too suspicious he's not aging and he has to leave. This AU'd have branching paths at the big job they take take together: the Temen-ni-gru or Mallet Island. In both cases Dante and Vergil haven't spoken for a while. Vergil's gone silent for years or even a decade or two in the past, but he'll have a bad feeling about this particular silence (for good reason).

The main difference between the two would be who Arkham allies with. In both cases, Lady isn't aware of how old Dante is, or just *who* he is until partway through. She knows he's part demon, but with the way he acts she assumes he's actually in his late twenties and the kid of a demon that was probably fairly powerful, but unknown. But the truth would come out partway through, which...would maybe change things, maybe not. It would be a shock regardless.

Back to the branches though, in Mallet you could go with the plot where Arkham is trying to revive Mundus, so Dante intervenes. This one would have a Nelo Angelo bit (making Dante feel terrible because he'd just allowed Mundus to do whatever he wanted with Vergil for who knows how long, all because he hadn't bofhered to check up on his unusually silent brother). I might have a sort of B-plot involving Lady, Arkham, and Trish to accompany the Dante, Mundus, and Vergil angle.

With the Temen-ni-gru, it would be your classic Arkham+Vergil relationship, but with a much older Vergil he wouldn't be tricked by Arkham this time. Arkham would think he has Vergil in the palm of his hand until he clearly doesn't and Vergil deals a fatal blow as soon as Arkham pulls off his betrayal. I think Lady would be pissed Vergil stole her kill, but ultimately have to back down for the Dante vs Vergil fight because with that many extra years under their belts, she'd be no match. Seeing them would be an interesting contrast though, because Vergil so clearly clings to the past (he'd be in a more Renaissance style than Dante) while Dante's all about the present and human world. This one...I think would be harder to resolve than the other one, because I'm not sure how Dante would convince someone so set in his ways (again, hundreds of years old at a minimum) to change, but it could be fun to play with.

As for the DMC4 AU, this one would be a case where Nero is still a teenager, and Dante's really surprised because oh boy, who in the *world* managed to convince Vergil to sleep with them when he'd been so uptight for centuries? And Dante's excited to have a family member and can't help but mess with them.

I think in this one it might also be fun if Fortuna was aware that Sparda had children because then you'd have a case where people potentially worship said children, whether or not they realize it's Dante. Maybe Vergil ruled Fortuna for a little while after Sparda left and that meant people knew he existed. Dante hadn't been aware he'd apparently come back, but Nero's proof enough so he's really going to have to have a talk with Vergil the next time he returns from his travels. I'm not set on whether the people of Fortuna would know that Sparda had twins, or if they'd just know about Vergil and thus be in denial that Dante could possibly be the son of Sparda because he's *so* different. In either case eventually people (or at least Nero and Kyrie) would have to reconcile Dante with the figure they'd been worshipping and that would be hard (and for Dante, hilarious). I think in this one I might make Lady part of a bloodline that has fought alongside Sparda since he split the Human and Demon worlds, sort of like the Castlevania series with Alucard and the Belmonts, while Trish would be someone Dante recruited a few decades to centuries ago (importantly, she's younger than him).

In this one I think part of the driving force would be that Dante wants humanity to be able to protect itself/prove its worth, or for Nero to protect them/prove his worth, because if they/Nero don't then Dante's worried Vergil might instead deem humanity a scourge and do something bad.

The plot of DMC4 revolves around humans using demons to fuel their own power, and in this case I think Dante will have found out about what Fortuna was doing too late to erase what they've done, so it's a case where humans need to prove that there are more good humans than bad humans so Vergil doesn't slam down the hammer. Dante can encourage them in the right direction, but he can't carry them the whole way. If he does then Vergil will deem his interference proof of humanity's weakness and do...Dante isn't totally sure what, but he doesn't like how Vergil's been the past few decades and he's increasingly been feeling like Vergil might decide he's had enough of the human world and side with the members of the demon world Dante *knows* have been slipping through the border to speak to Vergil. And while Dante doesn't think he'd *lose* to Vergil, the battle would lead to immense destruction and would weaken them enough that Dante's fairly sure Mundus or some other demon would take advantage of the chance to invade the human world while they're in no state to defend it.

...Anyway! That's two/three ideas for first that I will...maybe get to, one day, once I finish the million other fic ideas I have. I just really like the concept of "totally goofy guy is actually super old" or "frustratingly unserious guy is actually one of the guys you grew up worshipping, somehow." I think there's a lot of room for fun there.

[wormtoxin]

updated personas/subroutines: (disclaimer: i still don’t think im plural, sorry)

Pepper/Clover: the main one, not even one of the subroutines really, just the blank slate object which all the others act upon. The physical body. The only persona recognized by society.

Autopilot: the regular forms and functions of being a human being. Wake up, brush teeth, go to class, come home, go to sleep. Sometimes one of the others sneaks in and replaces it without my notice, especially when I’m talking to other people, and I don’t care for that shit at all. Routine.

Rambles: Vile little subroutine that makes my mouth move well before my brain. Sometimes I feel like I’m going on and on and I can’t stop. I don’t like conversation much because having to talk necessitates Rambles and then I feel totally out of control and I hate it. Objectively this one has its uses but it’s also my least favorite.

The Wretch: Self-loathing subroutine. Convinced it’s a worthless fuckup and probably correct. Self-sacrificing while being selfish, apologetic while seeking sympathy, paradoxically victim and passive-aggressor. The worst of both worlds. I actually put a lot of time and effort into being properly accountable the way a human being should be, but sometimes i get overemotional and I spiral and that part’s The Wretch i think.

The Doll: Control, poise, perfection, submission, obedience. Maybe if it’s perfect we can get it right this time. If it’s just perfect then nobody can criticize it. Next time it’ll get it. Never does. Masking, I think? Maybe some kind of fucked up anti-masking? Can’t keep this one up for long. Wishes it could just be quiet for once and let our actions speak for themselves, but people keep trying to talk to it, and it inevitably slips away. Probably used it more when I was working.

The Dog: Playing, eating, sleeping, rolling, getting off, singing and drawing. Simple bodily expressions. Not so bright. This one doesn’t get much of an outlet. Kind of a lump, occasionally whipped into shape by expectation. I actually kinda like being this one but it’s impossible when being perceived by another human being. The most invisible persona of them all. Immoral (amoral?) and therefore unsustainable long-term

The Magician: Doing, studying, creating, dressing, presenting. A self-styled scholar. Flashy and stylish and confident. Would describe itself as “dark academia” or something similarly edgy-but-trendy. Work and school romanticized, transmogrified into an exciting fantasy. Useful for being productive.

The Witch: Free of responsibility to society or others or ethics. A heartbreaker maneater homewrecker bitch. A natural disaster. An expression not of individuality or self, but force and violence. Claiming anything it wants by any means necessary and destroying everything in its path. Selfish to the core. Chained up in a basement somewhere. It exists but it’s cruel and it sucks so I never ever let it out. But I like to remember it’s there. A trump card, a concealed weapon. Break glass in case of emergency. I feel the shape of its outline like a knife stashed in a boot and I know I could use it if I ever needed it.

Honorable Mentions:

Poetics: Playing with sounds, words, grammar, languages, ideas until they sound musical and pleasing. Etymology research, vocabulary buff, eidetic memory for certain words and phrases, but only when they sound “right”. Possibly used for all five senses, or possibly shares overlap with Composition (visual) and Kinesthetics (touch)

Faux Marxism: Self-righteous understanding of the dialectical materialist view of history. Used mostly for impassioned speeches at inopportune moments (Rambles) or in response to perceived political threats. Poetics and Faux Marxism are both very invested in learning as much vocabulary, history, languages, and multiculturalism as possible, but for very different reasons.

Horndog: you could take all of sexuality and sprinkle it across all the other different subroutines, OR you could concentrate it into one horrible little guy.

Puzzles: The subroutine that just will NOT let a problem go until it’s solved. Character designs, meaningless research inquiries, computer software. Very very very very rarely, actual assigned tasks. The Magician wants what Puzzles has.

Hibernation: Comfy cozy blanket pillow sweater cuddle nap pile. Memorized the rhythms of the winter hibernation episodes of Tanoshii Moomin Ikka and plays them in a loop continually year-round. This one might be straight-up biological. I think I might have a vitamin deficiency.

Fog: The squishy slouchy sweaty medium that fills up whatever psychic dream space all the other personas occupy. There used to be a sense of “me” but it got covered up by all the fog what seems like years ago. That sense of wholeness, control, totality, unification. It existed once. I like to think it’s still out there, somewhere, if I just get my meds right or get enough sleep and if I can just synthesize all the others maybe I can feel “like myself” again. But all the fog covers it up. Memory issues. Whenever I get a sudden moment of clarity, and I realize I’ve been one of the more loathsome subroutines, someone I don’t recognize, I’ll have just stumbled out of the fog. Always comes with a feeling of “Why did I just say that?” Or, “What did I just say?”. Dissociation, maybe???

????: see previous. The negative space that fills everything else in. I don’t even know whether to call this one “Selfhood” or “Synthesis” or “Control” or “Autonomy” or …”Me”. That’s probably most appropriate but it feels like too foreign a word to make sense of. Whatever was here once got swallowed up by the fog, and I don’t know what it is anymore. If it was here I think I could feel like a present sensor and agent in my own life again. This is probably what people expect out of “Pepper” or “Clover”, the flagship of the armada, the face and voice of the operation. I don’t know where that person is. All the subroutines (personas?) are trying to emulate her, stall for time until she comes back. She might not ever be coming back. We might be all we have.

[lem-argentum]

it took me until dt to change rudy's hairstyle, but i ACTUALLY think he would've cut it back in post-stb when he became a reaper. the trope of "character cuts hair to feel more in control of their life" is cliché but REAL. and also the visual of him cutting it with his scythe is fun

[pagesofkenna]

Just said "sheesh, Kenna, you're the smartest person I know" out loud while reading your tags on the FMA Truth and Ed's atheism post. Then I realized that Indiana probably doesn't care as much for this information as you might lolol

honestly i'd originally written a really annoying ramble about gods in fiction under that post and now i'm so glad i deleted it to write that much more succinct breakdown of my thoughts on the matter

[thewanderingzeppelin]

Unexpected day off!!!

[exopelagic]

i said i wouldn’t do it this time but it’s 3am and mods asleep. boy

[l1mbless-xr1tter]

Does anyone else just LOVE rambling in tags... like even if i try to cut it short i either have a conversation with myself or ramble about something thats completely irrelevant about the topic

[insanechayne]

~ ~ ~

[floral-hex]

Another night I feel like my world is ending, so I went for a drive. Tried to sleep earlier. Nothing doing. Took a couple antianxieties. Surprisingly, not much help. Made me a little sleepy, cried a little, maybe a little more relaxed, but still…. blegh.

So, I’ve got my beeg drink, a podcast going, and I’m sitting in the Kroger parking lot because it’s 4:30+ in the morning and I need to see actual humans walking around. I don’t know how to explain it. Seeing other people continue on with their lives helps calm my doomer anxiety.

This sucks.