#i need to stop rambling and thinking about them right now
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Welcome back!! I hope you're doing well and, if not, I hope my silly ramblings can make your day somewhat better, like the wildcats used to say: we're all in this together âĽ
previously, in harrowcita del 9:
this happened
for those of you recently tuning in, this is the tag of all the ramblings
also, I'm officially in the sixth house now, palmolive can't stop me
CHAPTER 46
we're back inside the emperor's bolthole, which is infested
this is what happens when you have a lyctor orgy without the proper protection
gideon is doing her very best to fight the infestation of herald bees swarming and attacking her
she's in harrow's feeble small kitten baby body, so she's dying a lot
I'm gonna try to represent this visually
gideon keeps apologizing to harrow for getting her bits chewed off and her insides pouring out
and puts emphasis on things she wants harrow to remember
"I saw it eat your thumbâthese details are important, so keep up with meâand your thumb was back in the next half minute"
"Child, that bee smashed you"
"I touched your intestines, which is usually what, fourth date"
me:
so, gideon takes off harrow's excess bones, which are no use to her, and goes further into the emperor's infested bolthole, where she finds mercygirl
mercygirl thinks gideon is harrow at first and, turns out, she was the one who stabbed her
these lyctors istg
can't trust any of them
mercygirl thinks harrow should be grateful that she stabbed her
and she was aware that harrow had "stuffed the soul of the cavalier in the back of her brain"
NOW WE'RE GONNA GET INTO SOME TERRITORY THAT MAKES ME GO ABSOLUTELY BERSERK, SO BEAR WITH ME
I NEED TO GET MY NOTES BACK FROM MY PREVIOUS RECAPS FOR THIS
she asks what happened with gideon's eyes and, as we have seen in the previous gideon-centric chapter, gideon's eyes are in harrow's face atm, if memory serves
"You're not herâshe isn't driving youâbut you have her eyes. Why? When they showed me your corpse I didn't think to check the eyes"
"I thought I knew what you were, though I didn't want to believe it..."
now listen, we're starting to tie some loose ends and some of those loose ends are linked very closely to my previous theories
I have been considering the Commander Wake is Gideon's Mom and Has a Personal Connection To Gideon The First and Is The One Connected With The Harrow Notes In Canaan AU for a while now
I need to link the specific recaps where I said this because I need to be transparent about where my brain was at
Evidence A, Evidence B, Evidence C, Evidence D
there's probably more but those are pretty clear
I swear to god if I was right about this I'm gonna screencap my own recap and put it here when the time comes
I've been marinating this one for months
I actually forgot how much of that I had written down in the recaps until I re-read them
mercygirl says that she thought the commander was a bad girl workaholic who put business before family, that she made her "the dolls" and she must have "played silly buggers with the emission" and that "gideon was on her tail"
"And then Gideon ruined everything. Then the commander ruined everything. Then you ruined everything. This could have been over eighteen years ago"
apparently gideon the first was "obsessed" with the commander, which accounts for some of the notes harrow read
I'LL GET BACK TO THAT WHEN WE GET TO THE SLEEPER, MY THEORIES CONTINUE
mercygirl starts calling gideon all sorts of names, including mutant, and keeps being bothered about her eyes
"Lipochrome. Recessive. You are the evidence. He lied to us...and you are all the proof I needed" "Cytherea would have known as soon as she looked at you"
is gideon the first gideon's dad??????? I mean, I always though he might have Something with the mom but my money was on gideon being made through science rather than Traditional Means
I mean, having lyctor genes in some way would account for gideon being a demigod, something I said with those words when I was reading gideon
also, remember when not!dulcinea told gideon she was prettier than the other gideon?? because I've never forgotten
mercygirl confirms that gideon the first was sent to kill gideon's mom
who, according to mercygirl, would have hated to be called a mom
mamĂĄ luchona intensifies
all of which aligns with my theory very nicely so far
she calls gideon more names, including "abomination, you heresy, you failed ambition nineteen years too late"
gideon reacts not wanting mercygirl to touch her instinctively
man, my theories are RIGHT THERE to be fully connected I'm BITING THE DESK
but there's no time for any more talk because mercygirl is trying to kill gideon in harrow's body
but she is stopped
she is shot
by not!dulcinea
but I don't think this is not!dulcinea, I previously mentioned her maybe being used by someone, not sure if it's possession or being used or what's going on but I don't think this is her
I thought about gideon the first being the one to do it but if he wanted harrow dead, I'm not sure he'd save gideon now
not!dulcinea says "with a tone that wasn't" hers: "goodbye"
gideon ends the chapter with "what the fuck is going on?"
CHAPTER 47
we're back at canaan au and it's time to perform an exorcism
harrow has a new note
I've been connecting those notes to gideon's mom possibly commander wake (as linked above)
the latest note continues to add to my theory
"end of the line. falling. oxygen can't last the distance and won't redirect power from the payload. instead I will make you watch every moment as I get the last privilege you cannot enjoy you bygone son of a bitch. I hope you're both as sorry as I am."
I still think this is gideon's mom because that's how she died, I mean, she got to the ninth in a suit without air and gideon still had some, allegedly
I've been thinking that one of the two people involved in the situationship triangle described in the notes was gideon the first, and that maybe the other was dr reverend emperor john
he's the most likely to be a bygone son of a bitch, so maybe I'm right
so, if harrow connects the notes with the spirit that's haunting her
and I'm connecting them to gideon's mom....
what if it's her that's haunting harrow?????
I mean, Waker
I NEED TO STOP GETTING INTO THEORY TANGENTS
anyway, all of the ghoulie ghostie friends are getting together for a sleepover exorcism
I didn't use this when I should have, back when the different aus were going by, but here it is
real!dulcinea says "Pal always said I'd be the death of him. And I was..."
he died being a weenie but he's not all the way dead, so it's fine
harrow questions why everyone wants to help her but everyone's totally fine with all this, for different reasons
real!dulcinea is "horny for revenge" (that's a tshirt for the seventh girlies right there)
protozoa is there because duty is his full personality
abby is really grateful to be asked to help (she also really likes tombs, very lara croft of her)
magnus loves his wife
ortus wants a redemption arc and now has a polycule
martita is behaving better than judith
abby asks harrow if there's anything she can remember from the slasher waker sleeper to try to pinpoint who tf it is
there's a suit, blood, a gun and gideon's sword, which is the only thing harrowcita recognizes and doesn't know where it comes from
my money is on gideon's mom, commander wake, probably also the woman in the shuttle poster that harrow saw but didn't recognize back when she met camilla
I'M PUTTING MORE CHIPS IN MY BETS EVEN IF I GET NO MORE INFO RN
harrow is very interested in how abby and magnus make it work as a married couple who are also a necro and a cav
I wonder why she's so interested
anyway, everything goes to shit on the exorcism
like, it goes really, really badly
group project off the rails bad
I mean, they didn't even have blood
apparently the spirit is also tethered to an object out there (the sword??????? possibly?????)
and she (she's a SHE) is pretty much invincible and shooting everyone and performing parkour while she's at it
harrow says camilla would be impressed, which is the highest praise
the sleeper waker slasher potentially gideon's mom (but not sure because it hasn't been confirmed yet) calls harrow by her name, but in a way that sounds like she's never said it before
she says it like a curse, which maybe means she knows, to some degree, how harrow was made????
she's basically doing whatever she wants over here, shooting ghosts, punching ghosts, throwing them around, regenerating, not bleeding, pulling guns out of thin air
I mean, ok, we got it, calm down lady
where was this energy when it was time to kill the emperor
she says there's "no magic" there and that "she's been doing this for years"
she wants harrow, so she can kill her and use her body to "finish it"
WHICH MAYBE MEANS KILLING THE EMPEROR???
OH MAN I DO WANT THAT TO HAPPEN
BUT NOT AT THE COST OF HARROW
also, mrs potentially gideon's mom, even if harrow dies, there's also gideon in the body right now so, it's a bit crowded atm
maybe find another way to kill the emperor
use not!dulcinea instead, if you can get the current tenant to leave
the chapter ends with: "ortus cleared his throat"
MAN, I HOPE HE DROPS SOME POETRY LINES, WE SURELY NEED THAT
and that's it for today!!!!!things are certainly heating up in the emperor's bolthole!!!! see you soon for the next installment, fingers crossed for my theories!!!
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As I write my (first) fic for Taggie and Rupert Iâm very tempted to also make an accompanying post of quotes I think go with them cause man I keep finding or remembering ones that suit them and then getting gut punched with tears and longing and itâs not fair to go it my own with those feelings.
But I guess for now Iâm just going to ramble about them with no real direction because I need to and thereâs no one to listen to me right now.
Thereâs such a divine yearning between the two of them, an undeniable need to be loved. Taggie knows she needs to be loved. Rupert isnât sure he can even touch that word, let alone deserve it. But both of them know they are lonely beings, with a fear of never truly being seen or cared for in all their different facets and nuances of self.
I have no choice but to fall for them and spend all my waking free moments ruminating on every little touch, glance, and word they share.
I think a lot about this analysis of a different piece of media that picked apart the way that people who put animals first have a lack of ability or comfort with trusting people. Theyâre people who have been hurt or find themselves surrounded by a superficial crowd. But animals arenât like that. Theyâre not faking who they are or looking for clout. Theyâre not dishonest or jaded. Thatâs why Rupert gets on with them, thatâs why he fills his loneliness with them.
But then comes Taggie, someone who is honest and gracious to a fault, never trying to gain something for it but because itâs what she knows. Itâs what sheâs good at, all she thinks sheâs good at even though thatâs not true. She isnât pretending to be someone other than herself. Not when she chastises him at his tennis court or looks at him with longing but still puts him in his place for crossing a line with her. Not when she allows him to look at her pain and confesses her fears to him with open vulnerability. She would never hurt him, not intentionally, and he finds himself wanting to mirror that for her. To be the person she can turn to and lean on.
Which scares him. But he doesnât run from it. He tries, because she believes he could. Heâs not faultless, he still errs⌠but he always tries to correct it and be what he feels is enough for her. And she looks after him, loyal and true.
Itâs inevitable, really. Itâs not fate, itâs a choice, but it is an inevitability. They can never leave each others orbits and they donât want to. Theyâre each others answer to the question theyâve been asking of life.
Will I be alone forever?
No.
Will anyone ever love me?
Yes.
From one of them to another, repeated like a ritual, they will love each other. They will not have to suffer their lives alone.
Orpheus could never have stopped himself from looking, as neither of them can, but they donât have to lose each other like Eurydice falling back to Hades as long as they look together.
Also please, I am desperately seeking more Taggie & Rupert mutuals (bear in mind this is a sideblog though so the follow would come from my main.)
#taggie x rupert#rupert x taggie#taggie o'hara#rupert campbell black#rivals 2024#rivals#â yves writes.
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Part 17 of the Intridmensional AU!
This one starts right at the end of the last part, so I'd suggest reading the last few lines of part 16 before diving in here!
First /// Previous /// Next
________________________________________
âWould you believe I told olâ Fordsie here to keep his idiot brother away from his project after what happened last time, yet here you are! HAH!â
âFordâŚ?â Stan asked, taking a step back.
âSixer isn't home right now! Please leave a message after the beep! BEEEEEEPPPP!â Ford said before breaking out into laughter.
âStanford⌠what in tarnationâŚâ Fiddleford asked.
Stan grabbed Fiddleford's arm and took a step back.
âDidn't I just say he wasn't home?!â Ford said, tilting his head and smiling painfully wide.
âI don't think that's FordâŚâ Stan said, dragging Fiddleford back another step.
âDING DING! The idiot gets one point! I figured you'd be the one to catch on first, Fiddlesticks! How disappointing! You'd think you'd be better at recognizing the man you left your wife and kid for! Hilarious! How are they, by the way?! Or did you forget them?!â
âWhat- StanfordâŚâ Fiddleford said, his voice barely a whisper.
âFidds, something is seriously wrong, that is not my brother!â Stan said.
ââFidds?â Damn, lesser twin, that's cold! Ruin your brother's life then steal his ex boyfriend, too?! Hah! No wonder he hates you!â
âWhat are you?!â Fiddleford asked, his voice shaking.
âHaven't figured it out, specs?! Hah! I thought you were supposed to be smart! What would Fordsy ever see in you?! You noticed his âsleepwalkingâ and âweird behaviorâ, but even when I'm right in front of you you still can't put it together!â
âYou're the one who came up with the portal idea.â Fiddleford said slowly, dread sitting heavy in his stomach, freezing him in place even as not-Stanford stepped closer to him.
âDING DING! Another winner! The name's Bill! It's a displeasure to finally meet you! You humans are so stupid! Once Fordsy finishes that portal your world will be mine! And another thing-â
Stan didn't wait to hear the rest. He grabbed a wrench from a nearby work table and swung, watching in horror as Ford crumpled to the ground.
âThat was still Ford.â Fiddleford said, looking seconds away from passing out.
âWhat else was I supposed to do?! Let him keep sayinâ nonsense?! I mean-fuck! What the hell have you two been doing?! What is this portal you keep mentioning?!â
âIt's a transuniversal metavortex.â Fiddleford said quietly. âA gateway into another dimension.â
âWhy in the sci-fi hell would you want to build that?!â Stan asked.
âBecause! He asked me to!â Fiddleford suddenly yelled, making Stan jump.
âI thought he forgot about me, Stanley.â Fiddleford said, quieter now. âI couldn't say no ta him after he called. I reckon lookinâ back now, I shoulda said no, but he was so excited-â
âFidds!â Stan said, drawing Fiddleford from his quiet rambling. âBlaming yourself isn't going to do anything. All three of us have made some fucked up mistakes! Right now we need to find out what the hell that thing using my brother as a puppet is before he tries to turn on that sci-fi death triangle over there!â
âTriangle.â Fiddleford mumbled.
âYes, a triangle. Glad you caught that part.â Stan deadpanned.
âI hafta dismantle the portal.â Fiddleford said, looking across the room at the machine. âStan! We gotta stop this! We have to stop that demon!â Fiddleford grabbed Stan's arm and dragged him towards the portal.
âMissing leg, Fidds!â Stan said, trying to keep his balance on the dirt floor as Fiddleford pulled him.
âRight, sorry Stanley. I jusâ need yer help, Thereâs an emergency shut off. We can shut the whole thing down, but it takes two people!â Fiddleford said quickly, letting go of Stan's arm to rummage in his pockets for a set of keys. âTake this.â he said, pulling a key off the ring and handing it to Stan. âThere's a spot in the control panel oâer there. I'll count ta three, then we both gotta turn the keys. Got it?â
âFiddleford!â They heard Ford yell from behind them.
âShit.â Stan swore, putting the key in his pocket and turning towards Ford. âFuck you, you weird ass demon! Leave my brother and Fiddleford alone!â
âDemon?! Stanley, what are you talking about? What the hell happened?! The last thing I remember was you and Fiddleford fighting! Did he use the gun on me?!â Ford asked, panic rising in his voice.
âYou happened, asshole! Don't play dumb with me, Bill!â Stan yelled back.
âBill?! How do you know that name?â Ford asked, dumbfounded.
âBecause he possessed ya! He told us his name, Stanford! How could ya trust a demon?! What happened to the idea for this darned portal beinâ âhard workâ?!â Fiddleford yelled, finally joining in on the fight.
âHe's not a demon! He's a higher being! A Muse!â Ford said. âI gave him permission to possess me as he saw fit, I just didn't expect him to do it now!â
âHe possessed ya, Ford! That sure as heck sounds like a demon ta me!â Fiddleford responded.
âHe- no- heâŚ. he's my friend!â Ford said.
âYou have got to be fucking with me!â Stan yelled. âFriends don't let you possess them and then shout insults at your actual friends!â
âInsults? He- he was joking. He loves joking, that's all.â Ford said frantically, taking a few wobbly steps towards Stan.
âGoddammit, Ford. You're too smart for this!â Stan said, turning away. âWe're shutting this sci-fi nightmare down.â
âNo!â Ford said, running down to meet them. âStan, you can't!â
âI'm sorry, Ford.â Fiddleford said, making his way back to the machine on the other side of the lab.
Ford grabbed Stan's arm and yanked him backwards, miscalculating the amount of force he used and accidently throwing him against the control panel. Stan glared at him and lunged, grabbing him by the collar and pushing him backwards.
âGoddammit, Sixer! We're trying to help you!â He yelled.
âHelp me? You have no idea what you're doing! You know nothing about Bill!â Ford said, sounding a bit unsure and pushing Stan back.
âUh- fellas, careful âround that âquipment, there!â Fiddleford said, but the twins ignored him.
âI know enough! I know a con man when I hear one, Ford, and that demon is the ultimate con man!â Stan yelled, trying to walk away from Ford before he hurt him again, but Ford grabbed his arm and tried to drag him away from the control panel.
âHow much of a con man can he be?! He was right, after all! I should have done better to keep you away from my project!â Ford snarled.
âFuck you, Ford. If you want to believe that fucking monster over us, than fine, but we're shutting this down!â Stan said, pushing his brother as hard as he could, sending him falling backwards onto the lever in the middle of the room.
âNo!â Fiddleford yelled, but it was too late. The portal crackled to life, filling the dark lab with an eerie blue glow.
âOh shit.â Stan said, taking a step back.
âIt works.â Ford said, smiling up at the light. âIt works!â
âThat ain't good, Stanford!â Fiddleford said, running over to try and drag Ford away. âWe need ta shut it down!â
âWe are not shutting it down!â Ford said, pushing Fiddleford away.
Stan tried to pull Ford away from the machine, but forgot, in all the commotion, about Stan's new peg leg. He grew up with Stan. He had seen him stand his ground against bullies twice his size. But that was back when he had two legs to stand on, so he was thrown off guard when Stan didn't stay standing. They both slid across the ground, over the yellow line where the portal could reach, and suddenly started to float.
âWhat the fuck?!â Stan exclaimed, flailing his arms and looking for anything to grab onto.
âStanford! Stanley!â Fiddleford screamed, grabbing some spare cable from the ground and running towards them. âGrab on!â
âTie it down!â Stan yelled, as he caught the cable and grabbed Ford's arm, holding on for dear life.
âI can't!â Fiddleford said as he started to slip.
The twins were much heftier than him and his shoes were not grippy enough to keep him down. He wrapped the cord around his wrist and reached behind him, trying to grab the lever to hold himself back, but his fingers just barely grazed it.
âDo something!â Stan yelled as Ford disappeared through the blue light. âFiddleford!â
Stan melted into the blue after Ford as Fiddleford's feet lifted from the ground.
âWell, shit.â Fiddleford said, as he fell through the portal after them.
___________________________________________
This feels a bit like a cheesy movie scene. That's all I could think while I was writing it... but hey! We made it to the portal!
There is probably some serious plot issues with this scene, like was the portal even ready? Sure it was! It's January and they were going to test it in the next day or two, so... sure it was!
Would Bill leave Ford's mind if he was unconscious? Probably!?
Does Stan not hit very hard, because Fidds and Ford were both hit, and not out for very long?! Well, he was probably subconsiously holding back a bit- this is his brother and his new friend he met a whole day ago and would fight a literal god for.
Why does Stan immediately trust and want to protect Fidds?! He just be like that, okay? Fidds is someone important to his brother, therefore worth protecting.
Okay, I'll stop now.
I start a new job tomorrow, so the updates on this might slow down a bit... sorry. I need to survive in this failing economy.
#gravity falls#stanford pines#fiddleford mcgucket#gravityfalls#fiddauthor#ford pines#stanley pines#gravity falls au#bill cipher#intridimensional au#skeletboi tag#intridimensional
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I made this on a late night several days ago and it's time for it to be made public
#dont ask me what this means or what the thought process was#i genuinely dont know it was like 12 or 1 in the morning when i drew it#i like to think they playfully bicker behind the scenes#hershel doesnât want his gentleman reputation to be destroyed in stansbury or whatever#i feel like randall would make it his life goal to destory that for him for the Lols#im just dropping random headcanons on the spot oh my go#i need to stop rambling and thinking about them right now#professor layton#hershel layton#randall ascot#ranlay#doodle#sleepy doodle
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it doesnt need to be said but its genuinely so funny how at-the-hip charles and erik are in krakoa like they really had the green light- the OBLIGATION- to be as obnoxiously close to each other as possible and abused that right to the fullest extent
#xmen#xmen comic#krakoa#cherik#snap chats#until the divorce of course but until then its actually so funny#how you really couldnt go a page or two without one or the other and the other one was close behind#ice climber ass duo over here. the delightful children from down the lane kind of proximity what the fuck was their PROBLEM#i feel like if one of them was teleported the other would just materialize right next to them thats how close they were#fuuuck what was the issue where sabretooth and co are in like. Brain Prison or something#and victor imagines charles but everyones like 'wait its weird if its just him where's magneto'#ITS SO FUCKING FUNNY and i NEED to know what issue that was .... to add it to my collection ....#also killed me how in immoral x-men issue 1 charles was yappin bout erik bein gone#and- God Bless Who i forget i think it was hope- was just 'can you please shut up about your dead boyfriend im begging you'#moira stronger than me if i had to deal with thing 1 and thing 2 on a daily basis i woulda snapped sooner frankly#ig when you live ten times through The Most Bullshit ever youre numb to most things but still. my god theyre so obnoxious#sorry im cackling at the bit in HoX where charles is about to announce krakoa to the world and erik's putting his hand on his shoulder#and you justs see moira in the back like dawgggg right in front of her .... can you two get a room#GENUINELY no im GENUINELY surprised they dont share a bedroom#im not even talking sharing a bed im taking my shipper goggles off im actually baffled they dont sleep in the same building#obvi id be lyin if i said i didnt love it tho To Be Real .. genuinely love seein them work together as a team .. until they werent </3#in every timeline they WILL divorce each other that's just the rule. actual canon event it cannot be changed or stopped its integral#ok ramble over. but not really not in spirit cause ill never be over this ill die before i am#im gonna go eat now i think i think thats something i As A Human has to do at least once a day
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The gangâs all here!! Theyâre on the case!! And thereâs no ghost that they wouldnât chase!!!!!
@mysticalcatsâs Foxglove, @toki-toroâs Chaumet, @emimiiâs Clownaire, and my own Bluebelle :)
#this was indeed the project I was working on lmao#WHY DID THIS TAKE 17 BILLION YEARSSSSSS#I actually rly like how the actual paint turned out#ESPECIALLY FOR FOXGLOVE SQUEEEEE#he looks so cuteâŚ.and I got all the colors mixed for Chaumet#watercolor oc painting: 1#back paint neck pain headache pain: 0#no but sketching this took such! a long! time!#I just straight up could not get foxglove and bluebelle right it was maddening#but I persisted and I beat the oddsâźď¸âźď¸ Yipeeâźď¸âźď¸#I love all of these guys so so so much Iâll prolly never stop thinking about them#please never stop talking about your ocs ever#and I am working on being coherent about Bluebelle as we speak!!!!#I got an idea and now Iâm trying to make my brain not be mean about it#literally just chanting to myself âYOU! CAN MAKE! IT AS WEIRD!! AS! YOU WANT!!!â#shoutout to my fairytales throughout that ages book for inspiring me#100 points and a drawing of your choice if you can figure out the story Bluebelleâs backstory is based on lmao#ANYHOW#I just be rambling in these tags I perhaps need to calm down lol#I LOVE YALLS OCS FOREVER AND EVER!!!!#clownaire was literally perfect from the start I NAILED his pose first try and then he was very supportive the rest of the way through#live laugh love đŤśđŤśđŤśđđđđŠ°đŠ°đŠ°#next up: Jemima painting!! with two special guests!!!#oh shit those are a lot of tags uhhhh Iâm done now i promise đŤśđŤś#cats the musical#cats musical#cats oc#jellicle oc#sorahâs silly scribbles#(also the text right under the drawing are a Scooby doo song LMAO itâs called Dig It Scooby Doo itâs insanely catchy)
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haikaveh... save me haikaveh...
i KNOW it's been talked about to death but. the haikaveh research project. it literally haunts my mind. i cannot get over the implications. alhaitham going through his school life as someone that most people dont even really know about because he keeps to himself and doesn't socialize, with kaveh being the one exception to that, finding his way into his life as his Best Friend, and then leading to alhaithams one and only time he participated in a research topic. his bio says he only ever did ONE joint project!!! one!!! the one with kaveh his best friend and i think also his only friend at the time!!!! and then it ended in not only the project falling apart but also alhaithams only friendship. kavehs best friendship. they were each others closest person. they had no family around - alhaithams parents having died when he was young and his grandmother dying before he joined the akademiya, and kaveh's dad dying when he was young and his mom having moved to fontaine. like even if you dont look at it through a romantic lens it's still undeniable how important they were [and are] to each other..........
i'm getting off track but my point is very specifically for alhaitham, the one time he got close to someone, made a friend, even agreed to join one(1) group project ever, it ended in disaster. it led him into a fight so bad that his one and only friend said he regretted that friendship!!!! it was so bad alhaitham left the project and he and kaveh didnt speak for ages until they just happened to run into each other again at the tavern!!!!! like obviously it has to be incredibly awful for both of them but i just think how this probably had alhaitham in the cynical mindset that friendships and collaborations like that might just never work out for him because the one time he let someone into his life, it blew up on him and he was all alone again. even though alhaitham never seems to care much if people dont like him, that clearly cant still apply to someone he was exceptionally close to. like if he didnt care he woudlnt have been the one to take his name off the project and mutually not speak to kaveh...... kavehs words are the ones that hit the most significantly to alhaitham.......... kaveh is said/implied to have had at least some other friends while at school / people knew who he was, but not so much alhaitham. people didnt know him and the ones that did just knew he didnt socialize/he was not easy to get along with. he only had kaveh and then, for a while, he lost him too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#the number of times i have reread alhaitham character story 4 and kaveh character story 5. like. dont look at me. kfjsdklfh#on one hand im tempted to think alhaitham would have a fully cynical view of friendship#and be like USELESS NEVER AMOUNTS TO ANYTHING but. i kinda dont think he works like that#well i dont think he would think that either way now but#even in times of friendship breaking up w/kaveh like#alhaitham is very FACTS AND LOGIC and i feel like he would still like#idk. understand the objective value of human companionship. whether or not he feels it works for him#HOWEVER. jkdlhfsd he is also the one who in his other lore bits was like 'grandmother the other children are boring at school'#AT AGE SEVEN god he was probably such an unintentionally funny child. i love u alhaitham u are so neurodivergently coded#so idk i feel like he would have a period where hes like okay. i was alone before and clearly that was the right call bc my 1 friend is gon#even if he does well alone i cant even imagine like. kaveh mustve been a huge impact and difference in alhaithams life#humans need SOME level of socialization!! and kaveh was his.... aughhh god they literally also read as having a bad breakup!!!!!#queer coded TO ME!!!!!! friends to rivals/friends to lovers to enemies to it's complicated..................#but again even if u dont think of it in a romantic sense like it's still so much. they were and are so significant to each other.#their bond is so complex and oughghdhgh they make me go bonkers#i do not think of any other 2 genshin characters so intensely as i do them .what have they done to me. what the fuck.#im alone in my stupid little genshin pit endlessly babbling about these motherfuckers!!!!!!!#and i love them. also i like that one scene in i think cynos 2nd character quest where al and kav r in the library or w/e#and kavehs like wtf no way u dont small talk w/coworkers. and alhaithams like no i just happen 2 hear people but i do not engage#hes so real he likes to eavesdrop but he does NOT want to get involved!!!!!!!!!!!!#also that same scene where kaveh goes 'WTF looking thru these will take FOREVER!!!!' alhaitham: 'ill manage'#kaveh: >:( FINE ILL HELP YOU!!!! like ok he did not ask. silly.#and alhaitham teasing him right after all that. 'teach me to pretend u werent listening' '...' '...' '...' '...HEY STOP IGNORING ME' 'see.'#theyre so goofy. kaveh u walked right into that one. ily.#i love when i talk about characters and it's literally just me going 'wow remember when character x said this. remember when he did that.'#i just love repeating scenes and dialogue and lore over and over and over and offering nothing new to say about it JKFLDSHKLFH#sorry i love them SO much and im bad at drawing and bad at fanfic so i just have to ramble in text posts forever#i do have. a fanfic outlined for them. i am just scared to write it#nothing crazy deep or whatever but yknow. im in a bit of a Funk Right Now dont worry about it#i need a constant stream of alhaitham and kaveh content constantly injected directly into my brain.
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One day I want to write an AU where Dante and Vergil were actually born a few hundred/thousand years pre-story, which is something Dante tries to hide while Vergil doesn't. I have 2 main ideas for it- DMC1/3 Fusion AU and DMC4 AU. These got long, so I'm putting them under the cut!
In the DMC1 AU, it'd be sort of like a combination of the anime, DMC3, and what you see in DMC1. Dante'd look like he's in his late 20s for this one. He and Lady would meet because they've both been hired for the same job, then encounter each other on some odd jobs before they end up working together on a big one. Maybe Arkham killed Kalina Ann when Lady was a teenager, but didn't manage to enact the rest of his plans right away so Lady's been chasing him for a decade, hunting demons in hopes of finding a lead. Dante meanwhile just likes the human world, so he goes from place to place hunting demons until it gets too suspicious he's not aging and he has to leave. This AU'd have branching paths at the big job they take take together: the Temen-ni-gru or Mallet Island. In both cases Dante and Vergil haven't spoken for a while. Vergil's gone silent for years or even a decade or two in the past, but he'll have a bad feeling about this particular silence (for good reason).
The main difference between the two would be who Arkham allies with. In both cases, Lady isn't aware of how old Dante is, or just *who* he is until partway through. She knows he's part demon, but with the way he acts she assumes he's actually in his late twenties and the kid of a demon that was probably fairly powerful, but unknown. But the truth would come out partway through, which...would maybe change things, maybe not. It would be a shock regardless.
Back to the branches though, in Mallet you could go with the plot where Arkham is trying to revive Mundus, so Dante intervenes. This one would have a Nelo Angelo bit (making Dante feel terrible because he'd just allowed Mundus to do whatever he wanted with Vergil for who knows how long, all because he hadn't bofhered to check up on his unusually silent brother). I might have a sort of B-plot involving Lady, Arkham, and Trish to accompany the Dante, Mundus, and Vergil angle.
With the Temen-ni-gru, it would be your classic Arkham+Vergil relationship, but with a much older Vergil he wouldn't be tricked by Arkham this time. Arkham would think he has Vergil in the palm of his hand until he clearly doesn't and Vergil deals a fatal blow as soon as Arkham pulls off his betrayal. I think Lady would be pissed Vergil stole her kill, but ultimately have to back down for the Dante vs Vergil fight because with that many extra years under their belts, she'd be no match. Seeing them would be an interesting contrast though, because Vergil so clearly clings to the past (he'd be in a more Renaissance style than Dante) while Dante's all about the present and human world. This one...I think would be harder to resolve than the other one, because I'm not sure how Dante would convince someone so set in his ways (again, hundreds of years old at a minimum) to change, but it could be fun to play with.
As for the DMC4 AU, this one would be a case where Nero is still a teenager, and Dante's really surprised because oh boy, who in the *world* managed to convince Vergil to sleep with them when he'd been so uptight for centuries? And Dante's excited to have a family member and can't help but mess with them.
I think in this one it might also be fun if Fortuna was aware that Sparda had children because then you'd have a case where people potentially worship said children, whether or not they realize it's Dante. Maybe Vergil ruled Fortuna for a little while after Sparda left and that meant people knew he existed. Dante hadn't been aware he'd apparently come back, but Nero's proof enough so he's really going to have to have a talk with Vergil the next time he returns from his travels. I'm not set on whether the people of Fortuna would know that Sparda had twins, or if they'd just know about Vergil and thus be in denial that Dante could possibly be the son of Sparda because he's *so* different. In either case eventually people (or at least Nero and Kyrie) would have to reconcile Dante with the figure they'd been worshipping and that would be hard (and for Dante, hilarious). I think in this one I might make Lady part of a bloodline that has fought alongside Sparda since he split the Human and Demon worlds, sort of like the Castlevania series with Alucard and the Belmonts, while Trish would be someone Dante recruited a few decades to centuries ago (importantly, she's younger than him).
In this one I think part of the driving force would be that Dante wants humanity to be able to protect itself/prove its worth, or for Nero to protect them/prove his worth, because if they/Nero don't then Dante's worried Vergil might instead deem humanity a scourge and do something bad.
The plot of DMC4 revolves around humans using demons to fuel their own power, and in this case I think Dante will have found out about what Fortuna was doing too late to erase what they've done, so it's a case where humans need to prove that there are more good humans than bad humans so Vergil doesn't slam down the hammer. Dante can encourage them in the right direction, but he can't carry them the whole way. If he does then Vergil will deem his interference proof of humanity's weakness and do...Dante isn't totally sure what, but he doesn't like how Vergil's been the past few decades and he's increasingly been feeling like Vergil might decide he's had enough of the human world and side with the members of the demon world Dante *knows* have been slipping through the border to speak to Vergil. And while Dante doesn't think he'd *lose* to Vergil, the battle would lead to immense destruction and would weaken them enough that Dante's fairly sure Mundus or some other demon would take advantage of the chance to invade the human world while they're in no state to defend it.
...Anyway! That's two/three ideas for first that I will...maybe get to, one day, once I finish the million other fic ideas I have. I just really like the concept of "totally goofy guy is actually super old" or "frustratingly unserious guy is actually one of the guys you grew up worshipping, somehow." I think there's a lot of room for fun there.
#erurandomness#erubabbles#eruwrites#dmc#eru hcs#i have SO MANY IDEAS but right now all my time is being funneled into leveling my crafters and gatherers in FFXIV...#expansion drop is the best time to make money but also i need them leveled before savage drops so i can craft my raid gear#i've made i think 8mil so far this expansion? but that's not enough for a pentamelded raid set#also that's barely enough to buy the new mount. and i'm someone who likes collecting mounts#i really shouldn't be so uptight about this. i have 82 million gil and i own a medium house so i don't have much to spend it on#i'm not interested in the 50mil gil mounts#but i DO want the night pegasus and eureka mounts which are expensive#...but i really want to get those as drops myself#same thing with the eureka orthos mount. i've beaten it 3 times and no drop. potd i've beaten once#and got to 181 once and 190 once. so i had many chances for pegasus but no drop#anyway that's all ffxiv and this is a dmc post so i'll stop rambling here#maybe i will start on this while i work on my other longfics#right now i have one at 62k and one at 96k i think? wips. and then one that's 'done' at 10k that need major overhauls bc im not happy w/it#plus 4 or 5 others that are at 1-8k i think#i have so many dmc fics guys. i just. am having problems with being happy with my writing quality so i haven't posted any...
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it took me until dt to change rudy's hairstyle, but i ACTUALLY think he would've cut it back in post-stb when he became a reaper. the trope of "character cuts hair to feel more in control of their life" is clichĂŠ but REAL. and also the visual of him cutting it with his scythe is fun
#lem text#xivposting#đŞ (oc)#i really like the idea of him doing that & then t.ataru being like WHATTTT DID YOU DO...!! and helping him fix it. <3#i looooove lovelove love reaper rudy he could never main anything else. i tried to play viper for dt but had to change back-#because it didn't feel right FNDJK. MY BOY NEEDS HIS VOIDSENT FRIEND#i remember being super worried that playing rpr would be really immersion-breaking for post-ew; and that i'd have to change it for canon#but the extra lines they added for rpr players made rudy actually fit in the whole time :> <3#anyway i love rudy/rucred post-stb angst/early-shb tension i think it's sooo fun to think about <33.#i've never clearly outlined the rucred development stages here i don't think. but rudy is incredibly incredibly anxious after he learns-#than's been gone for **five years** from his perspective. because rudy considered him his best friend... and then he's like-#there's no WAY he still thinks about me or cares about me or wants to see me again. and he worries about that with uri+shtola-#but th.ancred was closest to him and was summoned two years before them. (AND /I/ WAS WORRIED ABOUT IT AS A PLAYER FJDKSFN)#AND IT'S LIKE. IT'S REALLY FUNNY THAT TH.ANCRED'S MAIN PROBLEM IN SHB IS COLDNESS + LACK OF COMMUNICATION#because he DOES act uncaring around rudy when they reunite; and RUDY wants to TALK about it but than doesn't want to talk to ANYONE#so to RUDY his worst fears are all but confirmed; built upon the insecurity & sense of estrangement he's had with the scions since arr#(which is part of why he becomes so close to raha over shb; since he ends up confiding in him most of the time to avoid the others)#the tension btwn rudy & than lessens when r.yne tells him that th.ancred talks about him often (BECAUSE THAT LINE ALSO DID THAT FOR ME FJK)#and then it takes than's absurd near-death character development moment for them to finally talk (i've written that as a fic hehe :) )#and the moments after mt. gulg/before the tempest are what completely resolve rudy's fears with the group. and thfndjkgr#IT'S NOT *EXPLICITLY* SAID THAT THAN IS THE ONE WHO CARRIES THE WOL DOWN THE MOUNTAIN BUT HE'S PHYSICALLY THE STRONGEST#SO HE WOULD *HAVE* TO BE. AND THAT WOULD ALSO BE INCREDIBLY TOUCHING TO RUDY TO HEAR ABOUT;;;#on th.ancred's side of everything... well. he's liked rudy since post-hw . ZNFK D. and he'd obviously lose touch of those feelings while-#on the first; and i think after their reunion he'd loaaathe himself for somehow still feeling the same way#AND AND LIKE. ru was a machinist when than last saw him... frail ranged dps... i really like imagining how absolutely caught off-guard-#than would be when rudy is suddenly a very intense & skilled melee fighter who's made a contract with a voidsent for power. ehehehe. đłď¸âđ#it's so weird to think back on playing early-shb because **i** was so anxious not knowing how rudy's relationships with the scions-#would turn out EHJFKN. <33 AND IT COULDN'T'VE GONE BETTER I LOVE YOU THE TEMPEST + END.WALKER <3 <3 <3#auaua now i really want to ramble about my favorite shb parts again . BUT I WOULD NEVER STOP TALKING. ANOTHER TIMEEEE <3.
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Just said "sheesh, Kenna, you're the smartest person I know" out loud while reading your tags on the FMA Truth and Ed's atheism post. Then I realized that Indiana probably doesn't care as much for this information as you might lolol
honestly i'd originally written a really annoying ramble about gods in fiction under that post and now i'm so glad i deleted it to write that much more succinct breakdown of my thoughts on the matter
#I have such a ramble I could go on in every single direction of this topic because this is the stuff i think long and hard about#but im not even sure which part of my tags impressed you lmao#i feel like im just constantly shouting 'theres nuance!' about an issue which has#in fact truly deeply caused a lot of pain and hurt in the world! so like of course people dont want to see the nuance!#and they dont need to! thats a thing for me to have fun thinking deeply about - if its a cause of strife dont even worry about it!#i am actively working on a story right now where the 'gods' are knowingly lying and manipulating the mortal population#but like. they can't not. because they're not 'gods' as is all-knowing all-powerful supposed-to-reward-the-good-punish-the-bad#i think because thats a kind of god referred to in stories that im disinterested in. its boring and also comes with so much baggage#im way more interested in 'gods' as in creators. and thats it. i made this planet but thats all i can do. i cant fix it#or i made this ocean. i cant stop you from drowning in it i can just make ocean#and i'd never thought of it in terms of the laws of physics but like YEAH ACTUALLY. gravity as a god. i pull things together#you NEED to fight it sometimes! it kills you and it keeps you alive and there's no morality to it!#im also interested in gods as like. alien consciousnesses. like if there was a guy out there and he gave you life but#if you looked at him he would blind you and if you touched him he'd vaporize you#like just take all the physics and reality of the sun and put it in a person-shape and give it a voice#like again theres no morality to the sun! but once we personify things like that we start putting morality and baggage on them!#anyway im rambling lmao i could go on for hours. i just loved the idea of Truth as god just like Gravity as god
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person on the bus who didn't free the disabled seats they were occupying with their most likely abled ass and their fucking BAG when an old person with a cane got on and was searching for a seat you will go to hell i'll make sure of it
#they sat in the seat next to the disabled ones and now there isn't that much difference in this case#but it's infuriating bc i've seen people not get up even if there aren't other comfortable/close to the exit seats#and just out of principle you shouldn't even be sitting there in the first place!!!! bc someone might get on the bus and need it any time!!#and 99% of the time ppl seat there even when there's other free seats. like even putting aside that you should leave them free full stop#ppl literally couldn't care less about disabled ppl oh my god they don't even think twice about using those seats it doesn't even cross#their mindssss#ok lol i was writing these tags then i got to my stop which was also that disabled person's stop and another couple of people's#and this fucking asshole all but sped past that old person so they could get off before them. it was so fucking rude like they were getting#up from their seat to go near the exit but god forbid that slows you - poor abled person - down!#i swear to god people are so ableist and public transport CONSTANTLY reminds me of that. jesus#find some shame on the way to the lowest pit of hell#not to mention btw that the disabled seats in most buses where i live are a fucking joke i've been thinking of sending the public transport#companies suggestions on how to make them better and actually useful/accessible#they will of course ignore them and it will make me angrier but yeah have to try right#nico rambles
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Unexpected day off!!!
#so excited right now#but also kind of overwhelmed because there are about 5.7million projects that need to get done before winter and which one should I do?!?!?#I think I am going to Menard's to get the paint to do the back steps#it's literally PERFECT WEATHER today#I love all kinds of weather#except hot and humid#but if I had to pick one weather to have forever it would be 50* at night and 70* during the day#and that was yesterday and today and tomorrow and I those will be 3 of the 7 days of that weather we are allotted each year#so I am just soaking them up!!!#at home apparently!!!!#well except for going to Menard's#and the library to pick up my holds#and visiting Grandma because even though I saw her Saturday she called and made me feel guilty yesterday :-/#and taking the dog to the vet#but OTHER THAN THAT#I get to be home all day!!!#also need to stop and get some more sweet corn to go in the freezer#I have been making good progress doing a dozen at a time in the evenings when I have time#but I need more!!#oh and I have peppers to chop too#so many chores so little time#morning ramblings
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i said i wouldnât do it this time but itâs 3am and mods asleep. boy
#welcome to another episode of Luke is insane abt hockey boy!#this time featuring a guy who is actually this time almost (ALMOST) confirmed to be queer#the almost is partly me being insane because I donât trust anything anymore#but like. there are only so many reasons you wear pride converse. that is not ally behaviour#it just threw me this time I think bc Iâd been like no. heterosexual. bc I think I became aware of him when he joined the real hockey team#because the OTHER problem is that the whole time Iâd been thinking he was cute as hell (bc he is) and simultaneously being like no. bad.#anyway this meant that I have actually talked to him a bunch without overthinking it this term which honestly has been very cool#not like a whole lot but weâve played together a decent amount and hopefully will keep doing that#and yesterday discovered hes recommending other people talk to me abt goalieing which is insane to me bc I am truly not that good#but apparently I made an impression!#anyway it does not help that this guy has gotten incredibly good at hockey in the past few months#idk man I make bad decisions (I say as if this was a decision) bc it is now the end of term once again <3#which means absolutely nothing can or will happen until after summer. which isnât an issue#Iâm just frustrated by my tendency to realise these things right before Iâm about to not see the guy for X period of time#I also desperately need to stop crushing on hockey boys I swear but in my defence that is the main way I meet people#I think Iâm cursed actually. that would explain many things#anyway he also has exams until next Tuesday which means heâll be at hockey next week but idk abt this week which is devastating#i just wanna have talk to the guy more honestly to see how that goes bc weâve not rlly talked individually for an extended time yknow.#in other words we have not had A Conversation itâs been groups or like quicker exchanges#heâs kinda quiet but i canât quite tell which way yknow. I know heâs Watching basically all the time. and he is slightly awkward#which is also kinda cute. he gets a lil rambly when he talks abt hockey and I wanna push that button more#i. topsy if youâre reading this youâre gonna laugh so hard I just realised. heâs captain of the team now.#which sidenote is INSANE bc he started playing with them THIS YEAR#but oh my god. okay.#anyway. I need to start complimenting guys more for multiple reasons but also#1. he dresses very cool 2. he caught me looking at his shirt last week without saying anything (BEFORE I caught the rainbow converse)#i compliment women on their clothes and jewellery and hair and shit all the time but I do not with men bc. I mean do I need to explain.#but âthis is so unfair I am haunted by existence of boy and here we are once again. posting on tumblr with the possibility of seeing him lik#two more times before summer. might be three or four depending on what he comes to#luke.txt
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OMFG my head is super fried from lack of sleep but I just wrote over 900 words in a bit over an hour ADGAADFGADh the power of the silliest of silly fluffs, silly fluff of The OTP as personal bday treat from me for me â¨đĽ°đâ¤
#crystext#i mean it when I say I have reawakened... back to churning out drabbles of silly HughNate fluff like it's 2013-14#I have not stopped thinking about playground scenarios ever since I walked yesterday midday and walked by a neighbourhood playground#while an owl city song played that makes me think of them too ...#IT WOULD NOT LEAVE MY MIND#then I walked back home from the train earlier and mind cinema intensified!! I HAD TO!! WRITE!! IT!!#so there I went â right after doing my bday scouts in pokemas (sygna suit N did not come home nor did my other favest favs adgag)#they are just 𼚠so soft 𼚠all the warm feels 𼚠they are all things bright and beautiful#which is both a description and a reference to one of my fav albums that also makes me think of them adfgafdhgsfdhj#I need to confirm if I remembered their shipname right ... not that I am ready to post stuff yet adgafdh#also i have zero idea if the fandom also uses color coded emojis for ships i am just doing it from habit but with their xtransceiver colors#afgadaafdg one of these days ... I'll be ready to dip my toes into pkmn tags again ... it's been that long ...#and back in the day there was like zero food for my OTPs I literally had to provide for myself#either way it feels so good to be back i feel so many things at once afgagsfhsdfh#okay that's enough tag rambling it's 9pm now WHAT THE WHAT
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~ ~ ~
#the anxiety and the nonsense are back in full swing tonight#I can literally feel myself being annoying and yet canât seem to stop myself from it#I tried to do what my therapist would expect me to do and talk myself through everything and think logically#yet the chest tightness and headache and weird crawly feeling under my skin remains#maybe Iâm just tired or maybe my period is coming or maybe itâs the grief or maybe a million other little things who knows#itâs like I just want someone to talk to/hang out with because I donât feel right by myself right now#but bestie has a life and I know Iâve annoyed him early#and partner is asleep and Iâm not about to wake them up because I feel lonely#tbh I donât even want to come to bed until I get myself sorted simply so I wonât bother them by being awake/on my phone for half the night#just feel kinda fucked up right now and donât know what to do to fix that exactly#donât even want to bother trying to see if anyone round here wants to talk because I doubt Iâd get any takers in the first place#is this what being an adult is? screaming into the void on your own because youâve only got two people in your life?#Iâve never really had a group to call my own or a lot of people I could rely on anytime I needed despite being like that for everyone else#I realized that I love the way I was never loved but it still hurts feeling like Iâll never get that returned to me in any way#Iâve heard phrases like âI know love like mine exists because I existâ but that just feels like a pathetic cover for the sorrow#of being alone#maybe that love only exists inside of me and what a tragedy that would be#but Iâm rambling now because at least I canât annoy myself#personal
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Another night I feel like my world is ending, so I went for a drive. Tried to sleep earlier. Nothing doing. Took a couple antianxieties. Surprisingly, not much help. Made me a little sleepy, cried a little, maybe a little more relaxed, but stillâŚ. blegh.
So, Iâve got my beeg drink, a podcast going, and Iâm sitting in the Kroger parking lot because itâs 4:30+ in the morning and I need to see actual humans walking around. I donât know how to explain it. Seeing other people continue on with their lives helps calm my doomer anxiety.
This sucks.
#going to give up on sleeping tonight becauseâŚ#because because because becauseâŚ#because my brain hates me and whenever I try to sleep now I feel like Iâm going to die#I NEED to schedule more appointments#I donât know why I didnât. I mean#I mean I do know why I didnât. itâs because I think I had a couple good days and didnât want to stress myself#which is stupid. a little stress scheduling today stops me from stressing more later#I need drugs! I need therapy. I might need to see an ENT again bc Iâm paranoid about my sinuses#sorry I got annoyed this week seeing posts talking shit about therapy and it just made me feel shitty for needing it#but whatever. whatever works for you. this is rambling#Iâm gonna stay up. try to see the sunrise. see more people walking around.#I miss having friends⌠but damn that was a long time ago#that nice sweet spot right around highschool and right after where we would all hang out all night#just driving around or loitering or watching movies at each otherâs places#do you ever really get to have friends like that again?#seems like youâd have to make a bunch of friends in school and then hold onto them as hard as you can#or maybe I just need to be more social. but thatâs rough. howâs a 35 year old introvert loser supposed to be social in a normal way?#alsoâŚ#I just want to be held#thatâs all I wanted earlier. to be held for awhile. to have someone comfort me physically.#just hang out with me. sit on your phone next to me. let me know Iâm not doing this alone.#be a bro! jeez!#okay itâs almost 5. guess I should get back to driving#whatever. this sucks. Iâm so anxious.#you can ignore this#text
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