#i need to hang out with them more tbh
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just had the weirdest christmas party experience of all time. can't decide if it makes me want to leave the house more or less
#my friend and her boyfriend are lovely why are they friends with the strangest people in town#i need to hang out with them more tbh
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anyway my favourite thing about dead men fanfiction is the wildly different characters we all write. like. not even the ones who have been dead for years and have so little actual characterisation but even the ones who were alive in canon were probably very different one hundred, two hundred, three hundred years ago. also theyre under characterised in fiction. also we are all just having fun
#guy who barely posts about skulduggery pleasant: so ive be rereading some of my old favourite dead men fanfiction#as well as my own dead men fanfiction#and damn if we arent all writing a bunch of different fucking guys. to be fair i have gone rogue bcos like. cant be fucked w canon#dont wanna write about war#heyo what if it was pre war and everyone was still. convinced their wouldnt be one#also i love the idea of skulduggery being. just super fucking irresponsible devil may care live laugh love sorta guy pre-war#spoilt. rich parents who dont care much about him. loads of magic tutors.#i mean think about the class implications of the dead men#skulduggery. an elemental. a difficult discipline that clearly requires a level of training and scholarli-ness#his NAME is skulduggery#you come across that name if your educated. if you read a lot#this is a man who has been afforded every privilege#and like. i think a lot of sorcerers are implied to be very upper class#or like. kinda rich and fancy about it#but obviously that wouldnt be the case for everyone bcos magic isnt just genetic right like some ppl just show up with it#and like even then#dexter vex#anton shudder#like as far as im aware these are just names ppl have#and slightly uncommonly used words#disciplines which are more emotional/physical#as opposed to 'learned'#i just think its interesting#i was gonna have my dead men all meet n be friends pre war#but tbh i think them meeting and not being friends is better#i think theres a sort of tragedy in them being as close as they were because of the war#and not having that post war or pre war#its actually really fucking sad but like. evidently they didnt hang out in the interim when most of em were still alive#or at least that much#im wondering if like. they needed a couple hundred years of like. detox bcos seeing each other just pulled them back into that mindset
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It seems like you really like the IT book( it 1986), so do you remember Eddie Corcoran’s story from chapter 6. Because like his chapter is for real one of the most heartbreaking chapters in the whole book and he’s like so underrated for no reason. Soooo like what’s your opinions on him and other little interesting thing like that lol.
:)
oh my GOG tbh i think eddie corcoran's death is straight up the most horrifying part of the book. like if u put a gun to my head and said "what part of IT 86 do u find the most stomach churning" THATS IT RIGHT THERE. no one ever really talks abt it by 90% of the fandom on here is movie based and they dont FUCKING include it for some godawful reason (i can understand the 1990 ver not including it specifically for censorship reasons, since it was the 90s and also made for tv and ALSO cut to 3hrs lol) but like. the fact that it wasnt in the movies is criminal tbh.
but i digress.
as for opinions and such regarding the corcoran boy.... i mean, we get next to nothing abt him. what we know is a) his stepdad is an abusive piece of shit b) he had a younger brother that he seemingly cared about deeply (SOBS) c) his pos stepdad killed his baby brother (LIKE ACTUAL BABY. A 4YO???? FR????) d) his death was horrific. theres a little bit more but but but i havent reread that chapter recently so some of it is certainly escaping me. i wish there was more about him as an actual person, but i also understand that w the book already being a billion pages long there is only so much small details that could actually be included, and the history of derry and main story obvs will trump this specific smaller story--but like, fr, i want to know more abt eddie. we know he was terrified of the thing from the black lagoon (fair) and obvs holds a lot of fear and anger and guilt regarding dorsey's death, we know hes abused, we know how he dies. its a weird paradox of being very close to this character (in terms of his pov at the time, being in his head and all just like w any of the main losers) and being extremely removed (we know nothing abt his internal life beyond what his abuse brings out). which. frankly it's somewhat genius bc, yeah, abuse DOES tend to stifle the actual personality/interests of the person being abused and DOES like literally fuck w the brain chemistry and processessing of a child (source: happened to me lolololol), but its also heartbreaking that all we know him as is One of The Missing. he can never be more. its fucked.
soooo . this got away from me. sorry if it makes little to no sense ill just do a small bit on my thoughts summarized HERE:
i wholeheartedly agree that eddie corcoran's death is like. the worst part of the story. listening to it makes me legit sick to my stomach in a way NO OTHER PART OF THE BOOK DOES. LEGIT. and i think the main reason for that is while cosmic horror space clown spider thing is fake, duh, and more obviously used as a stand in for trauma and specifically for childhood trauma and the lasting effects that it has on our psyche, eddie's death is REAL. dorsey's death is REAL. we see, in grusome, up close detail, the actual consequences of abuse and how it destroys people's lives--specifically children's. we see how the complacency of those around such families (eddie's mom, the teachers, the principal, the town of derry at large) contributes to the horrific mistreatment of the most vulnerable, and how NONE OF THEM suffer any consequences for their lack of action. the section ends with eddie's mother getting access to his savings, which amount to less than 20$. to do so, she has to have him legally declared dead, EVEN THOUGH THEY DO NOT HAVE A BODY. AND THAT'S FUCKED. SHE DOESN'T EVEN WANT TO MAKE SURE HE'S FUCKING DEAD BEFORE SHE DOES THIS, DOESN'T WANT THE CLOSURE, DOESN'T WANT TO LAY HIM TO REST, DOESN'T WANT A PLACE TO VISIT. I CAN'T. like obviously we see themes of abuse and neglect in the whole book, that's the whole point, but eddie's story is different. there is no winning. there is no escape. you can't spin it into a better life.
he's a kid, just like any of the losers, but to the universe, he's not 'special,' so his death doesn't matter. he could have been swapped in with any of the other characters--fuck, he literally shares the name of one of them!! and yet he's not, and because of that, he doesn't matter. his death effects no one. the only positive is that it reopens dorsey's case, and even then, the reopening of his brother's death almost entirely sweeps eddie under the rug. the town of derry turns away, and when the truth of dorsey corcoran's death is revealed, the shrug, go so very sad, and wipe their hands of it. just another child death at the hands of an adult monster, just another day.
#richie answers#maladaptivedaydr3amer#im so sorry i dont think i actually answered ur question at all#i tried:/#i have so many thoughts abt this book but nowhere to put them so anytime i try to write them out its just AGHH#if i was still in hs i could write a pretty damn good essay abt this book im certain of it. alas i am now 23 and stupid.#maybe one day ill write an analysis that makes sense. but today is not that day#but yes dear friend i hold eddie corcoran's story very close to the chest#i dont really have hcs regarding him. maybe i should change that. but for now i am simply really fucking sad abt it#esp him just hanging out in bassey park in the middle of the night..... i get it. my stepmother used to kick me out of the house during#arguments and i would just end up wandering around for hours until she finally unlocked the door at ass o'clock at night and let me in. it#was peaceful but the fact that i HAD to do that to get away from her and that she did it in the first place is fucked.#sleeping in the park would have been a repreive tbqh. so. eddie. eddie. eddie. im so sorry eddie......#i wish more people on here were talking abt the boook i NEED to talk abt the book but i also NEED someone to talk abt it w#otherwise i make no sense ever at all. not that i do anyway but its at least a little easier!!!#thank u so much for this ask i have been DYING to get all of this out. thank u thank u thanku#if u ever want to ask me more abt the book PLEASE DO. this applies to anyone. but esp u my good friend maladaptive.#ok richie out bye bye my hands hurt lol#IT 1986#IT Stephen King#Eddie Corcoran#<-tbh idk how his name is actually spelled. i listen to the audioboook ive never actually peeped the correct spelling lol
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;~; (tags vent)
#i feel so lonely and i dont know how to fix it#im trying to engage with people. im trying ot take space. im trying but nothing is helping#and like im hormonal so i wanna cry about it today#and like this loneliness isnt for one reason only#there's no One Thing#but so so many things making me feel like i cant connect#and even wiht making progress and even with coping and even with reminidng myself its okay to just feel bad sometimes like#i want company. i dont want online company i want irl company. i want friends. and im so miserable about the fact that i struggle to#make irl friends - not bc im not a good friend!! honestly tehre's been plenty of opportunities for me to make friends is the worst part#between work; disabilities; energy; and like interests/things to talk about its really hard to make friends (and tbh the first three-#really are the biggest drains). and i love my online friends i do i jsut. miss them all so much when i talk too much and then it hurts more#and i lost a friend group recently so im feelng really out of place#nearly everyday for the last idk. 5 months i had a group of people going “hey. love you” (even if they didnt say it verbatim daily) and lik#im so sad! and the feelings are coming out today ig cause i havenothing to do at work so im just. here#but yeah - ik part of this grief im experiencing is YET AGAIN experiencing change and loss re:friendships bc of things largely out of my#control /: and every time this happens it just brings up every single wound#im talking with my therapist about it too i just. wish friends were more permanent in my life yk?#or at least that i had friends irl still /: but all my deepest connections are all So far away#and it hurts so much to miss ppl rn im just. isolating myself#but i dont awnt to TALK. i dont want to TEXT. i dont want to hang out on a vc. i awnt to be held and loved and just talked to about anythin#other than the stresses in peoples lives. i want people to infodump to me w/o me having to Beg or Engage Correctly#i want people to tell me about themselves. jsut fucking lore dump in my inbox. its not dumping. i dont care about trauma dumping. if you do#cw i guess i jsut. im so tired. im tired of the “haiiiiii love you!!!!!” i have to do over the keyboard to have social connections#im tired of being so disabled i cant make friends bc no one wants to be friends w/ me irl and all the reasons (“ur a flake” “u cancel plans#“u never want to go out” “u never have energy” “why do you disappear when you need to recharge it makes me feel bad?” etc etc etc) all#relate to me being disabled and like.i feel like the problem. my existence is a problem. and the worst part is all iwant to do is just.#go run errands with someone. do important tasks &get a little treat to celebrate after. go to the doctor. the hospital. wherever im allowed#i want ot be a PERSON#): i jsut miss my friends#and liek im going to a thing later this month to try and make friends irl even if its just exercise friends
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had a date w this guy tht lasted 9 and a half hours 💀 he’s not my usual type but he seems so nice and funny I had a rlly good time!
#gotta say I haven’t spent tht long hanging out w someone the first time I’ve met them lol#I’m not sure I find him tht attractive tbh but I rlly love his personality#so idk it’s a lil confusing cos I do wanna see him again as I did have a rlly good time#I feel a lil bad tbh bc idk if I’m attracted to him like he’s okay and usually I know straight away whether I’m attracted to someone#and he’s okay but I defo love his personality and looks aren’t everything either#maybe I just need to give it a lil more time to see if it’ll change but idk I do feel a bit bad and don’t wanna waste his time either#in case I end up realising I’m just not attracted to him#think cos he’s not my usual type it’s a lot diff#but regardless of tht im rlly surprised how long we hung out for and I had a lot of fun#so I’m just gonna go w the flow and if it turns out I just don’t feel anything tht way I’m hoping we could be friends at least#journal
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oooooo dreading my birthday next month.... but not because of what one might think!
#im not scared of aging. if anything im very excited to be older... but i am scared of this upcoming one cause idk what to Do really#i dont vent here often but some people ik irl follow me on my twt priv and i dont want them to think im talking about them bc im not#but ngl im scared of being. alone? when i turn 21? i guess thats the best way to put it#i never really liked celebrating my bdays because its just a reminder of how much control my family assumes over my life#on bdays im not allowed to hang out with my friends or do what i want without my family. this year in particular is just harrowing tbh#cause this time i have people irl who call me their friend but then they constantly disrespect me! ack!!#ive been awfully depressed lately because of it tbh. but the people who do genuinely respect me are so sweet it makes me want to cry#a couple of them said they wanna arrange something so that we could hang out!! like!! you stop that or im gonna cry!!!!#help im just rambling at this point but yeah... itll be okay. i just need to think about it a bit more#im turning 21 its about time i take the reins of my life yknow
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how i feel knowing i've spent the last 6 months convincing myself that he likes me even though it could not be clearer to me now that he absolutely does not
#i'm not even upset i'm more just annoyed i've spent so much time and energy on#being nice to him and supporting him and getting into his interests and hanging out w him#and not only does he not like me but he can't even treat me nicely#like he's actively hostile and aggressive with me#who else remember when he said he loves me ridiculously. who else remember when he told me#a list of all the reasons he used to have a crush on me without me asking#who remember when he used to walk across rooms past everyone else to come talk to me#and once did it about 10 times in a rehearsal#fuck my life. i can't believe this is where this has gone lmao#it's like. i don't think he's a bad person and i do think he loves me and cares about me#he would not spend... 11 hours at my house if he did not#but he does not behave in a way that makes me feel loved and cared for and i think that matters#if it was my choice i would probably choose not to be friends with him anymore#but at this point he has told me so much and sees our relationship as so intimate and vulnerable#that i don't think i can end the friendship without deeply upsetting him#lol. this is why i need to go missing but like consensually#i need to go somewhere for a year and live my best life and not have to worry about#being guilty about ghosting people or not talking to them. lol#okay. well whatever i'm quite upset and bummed out and don't know what to do#but tbh it's worth putting up w him being mean to me to get his lore bc i love studying him like a bug.#so yenno what i have nothing to complain about actually#maia.txt
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jade, she/they
shes meant to be kind of emo. they dont really look it, though
#m0thz art#m0thz ocs#artists on tumblr#original art#original character#her friends look more emo tbh#but they dont really. give a shit. about “looking” the part#theyre just here to vibe to music and hang out with her friends idk#ill try post her friends. btw. at some point. i need to draw them tho
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I think whats worse is i have 3 build a bears that need new birth certificates and theres no way I can just walts in there with all 3 of them at once meaning I have to take at least 2 trips to a place I rarely go thats an hour away
#sassy speaks#babw#its not the end of the world tbh 2 of them need other stuff done anyways#one of them has a broken voice box and the other ones very old and very well loved and could use a restuffing#its just annoying i wish i had a workshop closer to me#actually its a good thing I dont tbh id be going broke way faster#unrelated but itd be fun to have them all on a shelf with their certificates hanging behind them AUOGH#since I have 0 space on my bed to have all of them out at once#like I have 16 and that doesnt count babies/smallfrys/lils/any other name tiny build a bears have gone by#and I have WAY more non babw plush i wish I could keep them all out but i just have no space#im so glad I got most of my certificates when I go my bears tho I have ones with bearville stuff one them#i havent been to a physical workshop for a while do they still have that big touchscreen in the middle#where you give them personality traits and stuff#i miss the good ol days where they had those keyboard with the gel thing on top#and the wash station......#if im remembering right the wash station last time i went was the aforementioned big touchscreen#i miss the one with the air blowing out of it.....#the bear I got last time i went into a workshop to get was stuffed SO stiff for some reason the stuffer was not messing around
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reached out to the friend who ditched me for her new fucking boyfriend again bc i’m a grown adult who is trying desperately not to be as petty as i feel and just wait for her to come to me but… she told me she was gonna make plans for us over a month ago and then she never followed through. and she never goddamn reaches out to me. so i’m last-ditch-efforting this shit bc i’m tired of waiting around and wondering if she thinks or cares about me anymore.
#idk if i posted about it here. tbh i can’t remember#but basically her life is going great and with this great life she apparently doesn’t want to talk to me#whether to hang out or even so much as update me#it may be a trauma response from being ghosted by people i really cared about#but i genuinely. just. DO NOT have it in me to wait for people anymore.#there are so few people in my life i don’t fear abandoning me#she used to be one of them#now i feel like i’ve already been left behind 🥲#anyway i don’t miss my shitty ex but i do miss my old best friend#and i need to connect to more people bc i really do need them#b:personal#text post
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I feel like one of the idols would crochet a plushie for maya like this little guy
There’s a few idols I hc can crochet but one of them is Marina and I 100% think she’d do something like this for her!!
#Marina’s basically the sweet aunt and Pearl’s the cool aunt#and they both spoil all the agents rotten but esp Maya and Lucky#I need to draw Maya and marina/oth more often tbh the only art I have of them hanging out is this old doodle sheet of marina helping Maya-#-make a fur suit#ty for the ask!#agent 4
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why are glasses so expensiveeeee
#glad they do the 2 for 1 thing here bc I'll need a lab pair I can put in a safety goggle frame & and a general use pair#got my eyes tested and yeah my astigmatism is a lot worse LOL well it has been forever since i last had em checked#and i was wondering why looking at screens is so difficult and why my vision is sooo bad cycling at night i get crazy glare#well. one week til i can pick them up and then hopefully no more headaches and i wont get into any car accidents lmao#i mean my vision isnt THAT dire I can see fine without glasses just uncomfortable innit. esp if i have to focus#picked up my mail too so thats done... dont rly wanna leave the house again until climbing tn so im just gonna chill#also bought myself mouthwashing as a treat... it is my week off after all :3 i think im gonna watch a movie first tho so i can sort out#admin stuff and update my planner......and maybe journal a bit i have some shit I wanna work out#mildly annoying i wont be able to pin my roommate down to talk over the next few days bc im going out tn and tmr night#and we were gonna hang during the day bc she has time off work too but shes said she'll be too tired so she'll just be in her cave#and then idk if she did make plans for the weekend in the end but tbh if I cant talk to her abt shit beforehand I'll cancel for this time#I'm tired of every group social thing w her being tainted by this I just wanna have fun & not feel shit for being alienated for once#it was my friends birthday this week and id like to do smth nice w them but if we both go together ik she'll just upset me#unintentionally bc i havent been able to talk to her abt it yet. but still.#maybe ill just make separate plans w our friend then i dont wanna be an asshole to them bc i have a problem with someone else entirely#anyway. its not that deep just need to clear things up. fucking hell can my stomach stop COMPLAINING its not lunch yet!!!!#its okay. grrrrrrr. maybe if i have a snack itll calm down. i rly need another drs appt to bring up my physical issues but whatever#dealing w the depression is the priority hopefully my digestive system and menstrual cycle wont kill me in the meantime#okay thats my oversharing done for this thursday morning love u guys bye#.diaries
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~ ~ ~
#I think I’m lonely in a way I can’t fully describe#I have a partner and friends and family but still often feel alone even when I’m with them#I don’t feel close to anyone at times and I don’t know if it’s outside circumstances or just me#like with my partner being asexual we don’t really do certain activities that I’d like to partake in more often and I can’t hold it against#them for how they do/don’t feel but at the same time I’m craving a physical connection I can’t have and am struggling#doesn’t help that I think about sex all the time nowadays and would really like to be having it and experiencing/exploring certain things#it’s not always easy to take care of oneself that way and still also try to console the ace partner apologizing for who they are#and yeah hall passes are great but only if you have someone to use it on and I’ve never had anyone want to be with me sexually#moving on to bestie I don’t feel my same love and affection being reciprocated and that sucks because I really do anything I can for him#and am like that with pretty much all of mt friends where if they need me for something I’ll be there#but a lot of the time it seems like he really only wants to talk/hang out with me if he’s at work and I can come visit with him#any time I invite him to do something with me outside of work he flakes and so it’s not even worth inviting him anymore#and yeah there’s rare times where he’ll call me a bunch in one day but it’s always just to tell me some gossip from work#not that gossip isn’t fun but still don’t you want to jus talk to me? I always want to just talk to you even if it’s about nothing at all#I’m always the one putting myself out there for him and being there for him when he calls me but I almost never get that same response back#and it’s like I know he has a family so I know he can’t always drop everything for me nor would I ever expect that but just some matching of#my energy would be nice you know? but then I feel guilty/selfish because I feel like I shouldn’t ask that of him when he does have a life#away from work. and I mean I guess I do too but it’s different because partner and I don’t have kids and don’t do much aside from sit around#together or have tea or other things most often done at home. and I don’t live with partner full time yet so I also still have other freedom#outside of just being with them. and other responsibilities I take care of but not on the same level as a wife and kids I guess#idk now I just feel like I’m whining but tbh all this stuff is weighing on me and just making me feel really shitty#I don’t know how to fix these issues without sounding like a selfish bitch and I’m obviously not going to cut anyone off but I don’t really#see any other solutions forming either. so it’s like I guess I’ll just keep my mouth shut and keep feeling bad until the end of time since#that’s the easiest thing to do and then no one else is hurt or upset aside from me#I just feel like I’m destined to float through life never getting back what I need from my relationships but still giving everything because#I don’t know any other way to be. I don’t know how to set boundaries even for myself so I’ll just keep giving and giving until I’m dead#and yeah I guess I am still a lot happier than I used to be and I appreciate the people in my life#just sometimes feels like they don’t really appreciate me back is all#so now I have to lay here next to partner and have all this shit running in my mind and try to get over it on my own#reasonably I should just go to bed but the loneliness is gnawing at me and idk what to do to make it go away
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Okay, I had more thinkings abt Hidden Strife. And lemme tell you, the timeline of Diluc’s departure of the Knights, his fight with Kae and him leaving Mond is WILD to me cuz it goes like:
On Diluc birthday, he and Crepus face Ursa the Drake and Crepus dies, due to, by Kaeya's thoughts in the manga & Vision Story, having been mercy killed by Luc himself
Luc resigns from the Knights after they try to defame Crepus and deny him the proper recognition of what transpired. According to the manga, this is where Diluc also abandons his Vision. Which MEANS
When Kaeya admits to Diluc that he was left in Mond as an agent of Khaenri’ah and they fight, Diluc’s flames that night were in fact the Delusion’s fire, not Vision based
Implied by a staff member of Winery’s letters (see number 14) Kaeya chose to stay at Knights HQ barracks/elsewhere of the Winery after this. At this time, he writes a private letter abt how he supposes he deserved Diluc’s wrath and that doesn’t blame him for anything.
Soon after, Kaeya writes his first letter to Diluc, telling him he doesn’t have to answer back, but even knowing Diluc wouldn’t want to receive anything from him, he still wants Luc to know Eroch ( guy who covered up the Ursa incident to ‘protect’ the Knights’ reputation, stole credit for slaying Ursa, and angered Luc enough to quit the Knights ) is being investigated by Varka’s inner circle. Which is INSANE, giving away such confidential information to an outsider of the knights, even if it IS Diluc, ESP via letter. No answer back from Diluc ( though for good reason in addition to his emotional turmoil/potential resentment, considering the former thought ).
Diluc decides to leave Mondstadt to pursue leads on the Fatui and the Delusion ( maybe prompted to get to the root of the problem? ).
Kaeya writes a second letter detailing that both he and Jean found out his plans. While Jean wanted to write to him to stay, Kaeya encouraged her to not do so and actively encouraged Luc to leave. No one else knows Diluc is leaving otherwise, because Kaeya tells Luc to leave at night and the soonest he can to avoid having to make anyone else sad over him leaving with goodbyes he’d have make. No answer back.
Diluc heckin leaves
Another letter from Kaeya following up tells Diluc Varka gave Jean the power to investigate AND punish Eroch for what he’s done, but he thinks the matter won’t be so simple even after he’s caught. But tells Diluc to wait for the good news. No answer back.
Varka at this time is, implied by his letter to Diluc, already away from Mond, so he wasn't present for Crepus' death nor Kaeya and Diluc's fight. But he is aware of what’s happened thanks to Jean’s letter, and gives his condolences. He reiterates what Kaeya said abt giving Jean authority over this case ( so no one else knows Kaeya is one-sidedly corresponding to Diluc at this point? 🤔 ) and adds he wants Diluc to stay with the Knights.
Diluc replies he has no intentions to stay with them ( if nothing goes wrong, so he MIGHT rejoin if it is extremely needed? 🤔 ), but thanks Varka for the letter anyway and wishes him well.
Alice gets involved bc Klee remarked to her that it’s been ages since she saw Luc, Alice tells Luc to travel aaaall over Teyvat and that she’s sorry what what happened to Crepus. She also reaffirms she believes Diluc is still kind and gentle, in spite of appearances.
Luc says he planned to travel more and tells her Klee is welcome at the Winery while he’s gone.
Implied to be Elzer states Kaeya just came back to Winery after taking leave for a few days and is currently staying in his old bedroom. It is remarked they Know Diluc would have never turned away Kaeya if he were there, and that Kaeya's presence livened up the place for them ( they missed him ;-; ).
Kaeya sends Diluc a letter saying he’s noticed a particular group of men whose employees seem to hang around Angels Share and dangerous places outside Mond’s main city. Tells Luc he thinks they’re associated with Diluc and claims the notes they dropped written in code were hard to see with a blinded eye.
Diluc’s first recorded reply to one of Kae’s letters. Acknowledges Kaeya’s observations and chides him for bringing up his eyes in his letters bc he’s not actually blinded in That eye ( implying not only are those men Indeed keeping an eye on things for him in Mondstadt, but also many MORE cases where Kaeya’s sent letters to Diluc regarding his eyes? )
Kaeya replies he didn’t intentionally mean for Luc to think so, though it WAS scarred ( Notably, Kaeya remarked previously that he was completely okay with Luc thinking he was left blinded by his attack in his private box/see 4 ). Kaeya closes this letter by saying Eroch was punished, and he's going to celebrate for himself and Diluc, bc he knows Diluc isn't the sort to do such things.
The Return of the King ( Diluc comes back to Mond sometime after reading Kae's letter )
#;save#☆ ┆ ( .ooc. );#//I'm not gonna detail the rest of the letters after he comes back bc this was abt Luc leaving to his return; but YEAH#//I find so much of Luc's responses to things Kae says/does so funny. Like#//first; Kae telling him that Eroch is being investigated could possibly have prompted Luc to go off and investigate on his own#//Then Luc actually listens to Kae when Kae told him to leave to avoid making ppl have to say goodbye to him#//Bc by Klee's words; he'd been gone for ages & it seems he deffo didn't give any warning to anyone; just left#//Then sb telling Luc that Kae came back & stayed in his old room made erbody happy prompts Luc to send ppl to keep an eye on him#//Could be suspicion (but then why heed Kae's warnings & keep his letters?) or concern bc at this point he still thinks Kae's blind#//Prolly the latter bc he does not refute the idea that he would have been 100% okay with Kae staying if he'd been there himself#//Plus with Kae's observations on the 'businessmen'; it seems these ppl hang around places Luc would like to keep tabs on#//That are coincidentally ALSO places Kae would most likely be found at#//And when Luc finally responds to Kae bringing it and his eyes up; he isn't mad abt him finding out Kae wasn't blind after all#//Just tells him to cut it out; even if it is enough for Kae to give a semblance of apology in response#//Idk; these things are interesting to me#//But tbh I expect nothing less from the guy who went out of his way to deal with a HYDRO abyss mage. Yknow one KAE can handle better#in his first appearance; and made sure to look after Kae on the island adventure when he could have fucked off to do his own thing too#//Anywho; I record these things in hope they will help with my characterization of my special clowns kjnkfdg#//I might have forgotten or flubbed a few things tho RIP#//Plus I focused on convos between Luc and others in particular; not all of them as a whole unless they RLLY affected things#//Sooo#//khgbkdfg#//Honorable mention of Kae's post-return letters showing concern for Luc Darknighting & asking for a collab#//& wryly remarking that Varka wants them to talk bc he thinks they can mend things if they do (THEY CAN. THEY IF THEY WERE HONEST RAAA)#//While also telling Luc he's going to keep the meeting in midst of the Darknight hero investigation completely professional to avoid it#//Then Luc ultimately agreeing to collab with the knights bc Kae asked for it while also telling Kae to take care of himself bc; & I quote#'No need to worry about my safety. Self-preservation is easy. Striving towards my goal is hard'. Like' ALRIGHT MR. COOL#//Fucken clowns; WHY CAN'T YALL COMMUNICATE MORE LIKE THIS IN PERSON
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*stares off into the distance thinking about mermaid disabilities*
#kinda wanna figure out how to make mermaid joe disabled in a similar vein to canon#but i don't totally know how i'd wanna do that#the fatigue is the main thing joe deals with which is easy enough to apply to a mermaid#just more thinking about HOW it happens.... what would cause that.....#but maybe he already does count as disabled in some ways#he hangs out with humans a lot and doesn't have legs so there is a lot of work done to make sure he can still hang out n everything#but it's not like... SUPER disabling for him tbh#and compared to the one other mermaid he knows (amedeo <3) he does have fatigue-ish already#cause amedeo doesn't really Sleep but joe still needs sleep#and because he's more used to being human joe doesn't really know how to do things like a mermaid would which is weird to both of them#but that's not a disability ....... is it?#does that shit even count?#does he need to be held to the standard of mermaids or humans to figure out whether or not he's disabled?#because he's both but not really either of them anymore#what counts as disabled for a mermaid that was once human but doesn't remember being human#much to think about!#it's fun i'm having fun
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You really can tell people that you'll cut a person out or block them when they cross the line with you but they will NOT listen because they're so used to people saying it and not meaning it
#yall used me as free art + an emotional crutch for MONTHS like#and one of them had me catching feelings and very clearly played with me and got himself a girlfriend who he met one night#like bruh#the only reason I stayed in contact with any of them was because I had no other friends and they were part of discord groups I was in#i stayed civil and friendly for the people around me but like#tbh I was done with them all for a while#feels like I became my sister but#I'm much more happy knowing she didn't want to amend it yk#so I don't want to 'give closure' when it involves me justifying myself to someone who crossed my line#dear diary#anyway I have normal friends now who invite me to hang out with them and remember information I gave about how#I need help socially to feel comfortable#and to them? it's nothing! they don't ask for me to owe them anything! they just! meet my needs where I am!
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