#i need to get actual ink… i want a fountain pen so bad

[shininguponthestars]

lady of the storm

[malacandrax]

Hello hello!! Just wanted to say that I really love seeing your traditional drawings, they're so charming 🥺 It's pretty rare to see trad. art on here compared to digital, which is a little sad.. there's just something about the personality it has!

Do you find that the post engagement they receive is less than your digital works? Personally I've had this experience but I'm not sure if it's different for other artists 😯 It's discouraged me a lot from posting since I don't regularly have enough time to sit down and make a digital piece vs drawing in my sketchbook 😓

On a related note, is there a pen you'd recommend for sketching/doodling? All the pen drawings in your sketchbook posts are so pretty 🫶

Thank you so much! That means a lot honestly. Seeing other peoples sketches is one of my favourite things, you're right, it's generally less perfect but I think it has more charm because of that. I feel like *personally* I actually often favour traditional stuff over digital when I see it online- I have a big collection of digital sketchbooks and fav'd youtube flipthroughs.

HOWEVER yeah I think we are in the minority. To be completely honest on itch.io I've actually only made 4 sketchbook sales*, I assume there's a market out there but I ain't hitting it haha! I do have a good chunk of patrons that comment and like my sketches, which is wonderful, and I often get sweet tags on the doodles I share here- but you're right that engagement is lower. I'd encourage you do just do it for yourself, though! There's nothing like having a big stack of art in real life. Maybe that's a privileged position for me to have, at the moment I don't need to worry about engagement on my sfw art, but also it's a shame to not do something you enjoy because of numbers. (I would recommend using a scanner if you want to catch more peoples eyes. Mines crap but it's way better than photos were.)

Pen wise I am a picky bitch, I like things that don't require pressure, make a uniformish line, and ink that flows easy- so I prefer gel pen styles or fountain pens. My most recent fav were some lyreco retract gel 0.7's my partner randomly brought home from work lol, but I lost the black one and replaced it with a uniball signo 0.7 [UM-120*], honestly they're just regular gel pens though, I generally try them out in a shop and pick ones that don't blob or scratch.

My fountain pen is a pilot kakuno, which atm has that blue grey ink in (sailor 224) and I really love it. (also I put it into a water brush pen) I've also used carbon platinum for a good waterproof ink.

Good luck with your sketchbook endeavours, and thank you again!

*there are...at least two types of uniball signo, and the other one with a soft grip is bad imo.

**thank you to those sweethearts who bought the sketchbook!

[frogsafterdark]

I had a bunch of pregnant zoro drawings I needed to get out of my system and here's a sketch!! I actually colored and inked these but I smudged the ink pretty bad on one of them so I might save the final for a rainy day lol. I used these as fountain pen practice :D. I love this sketch a lot, and I wish I had taken pictures of the other two I did before I added the color and ink. Oh well :p

Edit: I also wanted to draw Zoro in a yukata cus his wano look is so good

[margindoodles2407]

Heyyy @seeking-elsewhither. You know how I'm giving you a HFSW Bad Batcher a day until you stop being sick. Well since I missed it yesterday,,, and you need your guys,,, well I went to draw Tech and things got. Out of hand

Closeups and notes under the cut

Goggles

You do not know how hard Tech's hair is to get right

So! His goggles I actually struggled over for months and months because, you know. They're hard to draw. And then I found these on Pinterest and all my problems were solved forever. (SERIOUSLY THOUGH I WANT THESE. I MEAN LOOKIT THEM THEY EVEN HAVE THE IMPERIAL INSIGNIA ON THE LENSES)

Now obviously my drawing skills mean I have to scale these down immensely but as you can see. These are not your everyday, run-of-the-mill goggles. Tech built them himself (actually most of his armor was either custom-built or modified) and so they've got some special features built in.

So Tech's an artificier, cause it's High Fantasy Star Wars, and they don't have computers but they sure as heck do have alchemy. One of his modifications is the addition of little lights mounted to the barrels of his lenses, for working at night/in low light, or with materials that need to be illuminated to function properly. The other main addition happens to be the extra magnification lenses mounted to his left lens barrel. He can adjust these as needed when working.

Upper Body Armor

Bro really went ☝ (you know i had to do it to him)

Okay so in the absence of his datapad he carries around his journal. That he is constantly writing in. It also has a panel on the front cover in which he can store some of his vials, because I think that's cool and it's my AU and I Can Do What I Want.

In fact, his writing in his journal is so frequent that he actually has a pen holder mounted to his left pauldron, so when he needs to take a note of anything he can just reach over and lo and behold there it is. (He's also the in-universe inventor of pre-filled fountain pens, because it's too much of a hassle to pull out a quill and a bottle of ink any time he needs to write in the middle of the field.)

His upper arm "armor" actually consists of little bags he keeps various things in, including a bottle of ink for when he needs to refill his fountain pen. Other trinkets include small amounts of alchemical ingredients and small personal trinkets (including, after his ID ring is removed, the chains it was kept on. side side note but while the clones who had their rings removed destroyed the rings themselves, they kept the chains because of the symbolism of brotherhood they carried. a lot of them reworked them back into a single loop and wore them around their necks, like they did when they were cadets.).

And then of course there is the Backpack of Many Things (tm) in which he keeps his many things, including but not limited to: alchemical bottles (both full and empty), bags and boxes and tubes of alchemical ingredients (he has an organizational system), backup journals (for when his current journal fills up, currently he has somewhere around twenty-seven full journals and he's been keeping them consistently since he was at least four-eight), medical supplies (common sense), non-perishable food items (also common sense), a waterskin and several empty extras (also ALSO common sense), his wallet (also also ALSO common sense), and his work instruments (knives, mortar and pestle, stoppers, eyedroppers, stirring sticks, measuring cups, et cetera et cetera).

Right Gauntlet Closeup

On his right arm, Tech wears a special leather gauntlet (as opposed to the metal bracer on his left arm) that, surprise surprise, also carries Things (tm).

He's got a little box (in which to keep miscellanea) that also functions as a holder for- you guessed it- more alchemical vials.

There's also a watch that double-functions as a thermometer and lunar calendar (there's a second face under the clock that has the thermometer, and the lunar calendar you see through a little cut-out window towards the bottom; it's got a little picture of the current phase of the moon in it).

This gauntlet doesn't have any heavy-duty finger armor on it cause he needs dexterous use of his dominant fingers. Also, it was the hand he wore his ID ring on, and with how bulky and complicated that gauntlet is, it was uncomfortable to have any major obstructions to the phlanges there.

Lower Body Armor

Featuring a full view of his cuirass! It... is in very low definition cause this is a small doodle mainly focusing on the legs XD

Okay so on his belt he has larger bottles full of chemicals that would need to be used often and reached quickly. It's not shown here but he does also have a book holster in which he keeps his journal for easy access.

Then there's his leather overskirt, which he wears to kind of cushion his bottles and book holster so they're not constantly chafing against his legs. It also serves as his upper-leg protection in place of full-leg greaves, and especially as a precaution in case any of his bottles ever shatter (protection against both whatever's in the bottle AND broken glass).

He does wear padded knee armor, since, you know, he's gotta kneel down a lot to study stuff and he needs to prevent early-onset knee damage XD

Finally, his boots; they do have the heaviest protection of all his lower-body armor (steel toes and heels, and tough shin guards), but they also double as- surprise!- a place to Hold More Stuff. Yes, he even has little pouches on his legs. I swear he carries like, all of his material possessions with him. If it can't be on his person at all times then why would he own it? (This does not apply to the piano he built into one of the Marauder's walls; I'll talk about that when I make that post about Clones and Music.)

Helmet

Okay so as you can see his helmet is unique because he actually had to design it himself. (Actually, all of Clone Force 99 have unique helmets, but Tech's is unique because it's not a historical style of helmet.) It's built in two separate pieces: a face plate, and a helm; this is so that, even when helmeted, he still has access to his goggles.

Other than that, it's pretty simple as far as helmets go. He did add the antennae just for funsies, but actually they're not really for funsies because he's Tech and everything he does has a Purpose (tm); they're incredibly sharp where they slot into the helmet and he can take them out as a secret weapon in life-or-death situations.

The other big thing is that the cheek guards of his helm are sculpted to look like Tern wings; Clone Force 99 are all Commandos, and as stated previously, Commandos are denoted by the fact that their helmets have wings mounted to them. Of the Batch, only Hunter and Cross have *actual* wings on their helms, but Tech and Wrecker still have the wing motif. (If you want to see the process behind this, and also what bird every Batcher claims, Evie and I had a long talk about it a few months ago, which I will link here. you may have to go into the notes to read the tags to get the complete picture but i assure you it's all there)

[daftpatience]

I had to search for one because I'm moving and they're mostly boxed up already, but I have these disposable fountain pens (like the crappy bic pens of the fountain pen world) and I think they're super neat, and also $9 USD for 12 on amazon.

You're the reason I got the courage to just buy some because I always thought "ugh they're so pretty but my handwriting is so bad, I can't justify the expense," then saw you posting so many pretty pens and inks and decided to just go for a cheap one, and found these. Somehow my handwriting has actually improved since I started using them, without much actual intent or effort.

The thing:

yay omg the thing!!!!!! I'm so glad you were able to get the courage to try them out!!! it's neat how they do that - I've found my own handwriting has gotten a lot more flowy and loopy over time using them, even though I could never write in cursive as a kid (I grew up right at the tail end of when they forced you to learn loopy handwriting in elementary school)

I hope everyone knows that you don't need to be a fancy schmancy person with fancy schmancy handwriting to use fountain pens! there are lots of cheap ones out there, and you can have any handwriting you want to have, the pen won't be upset about it!

I use my pens for to do lists, grocery lists, doodling, etc. and the joy I get out of such a small nice thing is immense. on top of that since fountain pens require way less pressure to write than ballpoints or even pencils I've found they're a big relief on my wrists!!!

the joys and benefits of fountain pens are many and I love them forever yay yay

[poetry-i-live-for]

Lyrics of Starseed by Catie Trainor

I don′t know how to be anything other than honest

I have lived in Nashville four years now come this summer

Which means I have not spoken to my brother in almost six

Time sure does fly while rearranging kitchen drawers to make new spoons fit

I Venmo'd my dealer last week for some weed to help finish this poem

How many licks to the center of a hypocrite

All the same, I have been dropping masterpiece after masterpiece

I put out three over the course of one year

When California asks, I tell her I′ve been stitching together poems so big

They could be thrown over entire countries to keep them warm

And I could give a fuck about a trend

I want to be the word so universally healing

That generation after generation will keep running back to them

Because ever since I was a child

I had always felt like there was somewhere I needed to be

So when I'm feeling burnt out in an industry that is anything but gentle

I think back to my youth

Libraries as lunchrooms

I throw my soul to her fountain and wash, rinse, repeat

And I've been told some of you are wondering, and yes

I just keep on getting better at resuscitating memories with words that run like water

twenty years inside the books, now I shall never be alone again

By noon I′m ruling Rome, I built my own up from the ashes

They mistake me for the apple without knowing I′m the seed

As in which any earth I'm planted, fruit is harvested around me

And it′s funny the way they will treat you once they realize your mind is worth money

Sand dollars are found out past the break of every wave, but that is also where the sharks are

Cracking under pressure, too much liquor, forgetting all my words at slam

I promise you this, I will never again allow that shit to happen

But after all, I'm only human, only flesh and blood imperfection

And you′re bound to hit some turbulence when a bad bitch is about to shatter through a glass ceiling

Keep your eyes on the credits of the rock charts, your girls' name is about to be all over them

That′s why I never tell them what I'm doing till it's done

And the only name you′ll ever catch me dropping is my own

They say imitation is flattery, but I say it′s thievery

And sympathy is bitter depending on which pair of fangs you taste it from

If you sip on my stars, I will swallow the sun

You are limited only to what I have already done

Some see me as competition, but I see them as all my children

Because as writers, we must hold our immortality with the greatest reverence

The holy crack in the spines of our books, forever embedded in their memory

Just like Stephen said, approaching every pen in any way but lightly

So your cadence may be mildly entertaining, but what are you actually saying

That's the thing about the quiet of a page. you can′t hide from it

Strip away the smoke and mirrors of performance, let us see the quality of your sentences

So mark my words, my children and my children's children

Will never again know the weight of this brokenness

It ends with me here, so let us be this

A love letter etched into an old notebook

Tucked away on a bookcase

A collection of soul rearranged, inked into words

In hope that someone may read them

Find healing in the shape on a page

Memories found in palms I will never trace

Once I finally lay at the feet of rest

We will soon be an echo, so

Let this page be proof that I have lived

And I have loved, so good

[dailyrandomwriter]

Day 680

I had told myself that at some point during the summer I would try a glass dip pen. This was for two reasons, one, I was still avoiding getting into fountain pens (because care of said pens and anything metal makes me nervous), and two, I needed a quick way to test and swatch my inks.

There is also the… maybe, the hope that I would one day own a shimmer ink… or two. 

That is a problem for future me because god knows where that will be stored.

The pen actually came in last week, but I was… not well. Heavy medications will do that to you, and I didn’t want to be touching open bottles of ink when I’m not a 100%. That sounded like a quick way to create a terrible mess on my desk.

Since I was feeling much better today, I decided I would swatch some of my inks. Specifically, inks that I’ve already used for my Lumos pen, which is a refillable fineliner. Primarily because I suspected due to how the ink flows in those pens, the ink is coming out lighter than what my ink swatches show. It’s not a bad thing, but I wanted to see what that colour would look like on something not a fineliner.

It turns out my colours are much more vibrant than I had realized.

But not only that, there is an interesting effect when writing with a glass dip pen, or anything that allows for more ink flow. That is, the amount of ink that ends up on a paper isn’t uniform (unlike my fineliner), and that difference in the darkness and lightness of how the ink dries gives a very old time-y look to writing. 

Which, in hindsight is probably one of the reasons why fountain pens are so loved, the act of inking a pen and using that ink alone brings I think a lot of joy to people who like to write or journal. 

I had a lot of fun with this, and I need to find more excuses to write with this glass pen, beyond using it for swatching.

[acompassrosa]

Decks On My Desk - February 18, 2023

I don't know about you, but I am very bad at keeping my desk area tidy. I can do pretty alright with the rest of my space (though putting laundry away sometimes takes a week or more), but it's hard to be motivated to clean the place I know I am about to make a mess again until it hits critical mass.

Today is one of those days.

In addition to pens, journals, dice, and so many cough drop wrappers... the above decks were found hanging out in my space and I thought I'd tell you a bit about them.

Top Row, Left to Right:

Little Visions - a new arrival (this will be a theme) that has, honestly, taken my life by storm. I own all three decks (Prisma, Light, and Cosma Visions) in the larger sizes as well, but actually struggle to get myself to use them. Not so with these decks! I've been using them (together, no less!) basically since the moment they arrived. I suspect I'll be doing a big write up about them later so I'll stop myself from gushing too much right now.

The Diviners Court - Another new arrival-- from this afternoon! I love playing cards both for divining and for games. This actually arrived with the Scrying Ink Lenormand and a print, but I'd dutifully put those away. This deck is out because I had the sudden overwhelming urge to play solitaire.

Star Dragons Oracle Cards - Semi-new arrival here, I think this came in mid-January. I don't do a lot of work with oracle decks, but I saw this one was on sale and I do love me some dragons... so I got it! No regrets, it's worth it for the stunning art alone-- AND it is a fairly balanced oracle deck. If you want to be lovingly read to filth, I cannot recommend this one enough.

Le Beau Monde Tarot, pocket edition - I love her I love her I love her.... *big breath* I love her. I am sad she's out of print, I am so glad I have her in both sizes. This deck is such a treat for the regency inclined. If she came back in a giant/oracle size I'd buy her again. Not for everyone, but 100% for me.

Bottom row, left to right:

Heavenly Bloom Tarot - I used this for a reading for a friend's D&D character last week. I really need to use this deck more, just in general, but golly it's a pain in the butt to shuffle.

Mermaid Tarot - Another D&D reading for another friend, but also here because I used it for the Queen of Cups challenge Lionharts is running on Insta. Love this deck so much!

Fountain Tarot - Another one for the Queen of Cups challenge. I've been following it pretty faithfully, though privately, in my journal. I started the latest chapter of the challenge with this deck but had to change part way through because 2016 me has a lot of feelings about these cards and 2023 me was having a hard time being heard. Still a beautiful deck, definitely one I keep around precisely because of that strong emotional time capsule it represents.

Shadowscapes Tarot - This is the deck I switched to, an old reliable. It actually has one of my all time most favorite Queen of Cups cards. I actually bought the print from the artist ages ago and it hangs on my closet door! A classic, beautiful deck -- definitely would be one of my top mass market deck recommendations.

Seaborn Kipper - Another new arrival! I've look through this but haven't tried it yet. I'm hoping to learn a little more about Kipper before I "dive in"-- but I am a sucker for a Siolo Thompson deck AND for merfolx. The deliberate emphasis on the parts of both Thompson and Witholt to make this deck gender inclusive delights me as well.

So yeah! That's what's on my desk. I am going to put these away now.

[a-muscle-the-size-of-your-fist]

why don't you ever want to talk to me? (Josh for Foster!)

PROMPTS FOR PEOPLE WHO DON'T SAY MUCH

[ Foster + Lipstick ]

Lifting his gaze from the notebook he'd been burning a hole in, Foster pursed his lips at his father. He could say a lot, but he'd always been the quieter brother, even when he'd been young. Dalton had always taken precedence, and he'd been fine with that. Middle Child Syndrome at its finest with this boy, truly.

Setting his fountain pen down carefully after capping it, he sighed gently, placing his hands on the kitchen table. Gripping it and pushing a little, he lifted the dining chair's front legs from the floor and leaned back, trying to decide just what he could say here. Eyes falling to Josh's arm, he thought good and hard about what he could say here. What would be diplomatic enough not to cause a fight?

What could he blame his silence on? Favoritism? Bad memories? Scary memories? All of these things were parts of the problem.

You could always tell him about us…

That thought sent chills down his spine and he shivered a little, dropping the chair legs back to the floor and absently rubbing his arms with both hands.

Like that would go over well.

Well, Dad, you see, I was so lonely and neglected that I made friends with the demon that kept trying to steal my brother's body! We're cohabitating and it's actually a really nice setup!

No fucking way. Foster thought back, and he could feel the demon pouting inside his head; he only barely kept the look off of his face.

“It's not that I don't want to talk to you,” He finally started, still not making eye contact with his father, “It's just… I dunno, I don't talk a lot in general. Mom's used to it, Cali's used to it, Dalton's used to it. My…” Taking a soft inhale, he let it out through his nose as he stated the next thing blandly, “Friend's used to it. I'm more of a listener than a talker.” Always have been. You'd know that if you knew me.

“Did you want to talk about something…? I'm just working on…” Glancing at the red ink swirling across the pages of the leatherbound notebook in front of him, he hesitated. No doubt Josh wouldn't be interested in his novel ideas, they weren't polished enough, yet. Everything needed more work, but this was only his second rewrite, he'd have it done after a few more.

“I'm free if you want to talk.” Finally, Foster turned his head up to look back at Josh with a guiled expression, trying to offer a little, reassuring smile. This attempt landed straight in the category of uncomfortable instead, and he knew it after feeling the way his face was moving.

Poor, invisible Foster wasn't used to people wanting to talk to him badly enough to bring it up. For a long time, he'd wondered if their father had tried to kill them to just get rid of the unwanted kid in the middle. Cali had always been well-loved, and Dalton? Dalton had been the family's main priority for his entire life. As much as he loved his family, he didn't think they were capable of giving him even half of what he put out.

It was why he stayed quiet, a ghost in his own home. Chores were done, little things that he could take care of to take the pressure off of everyone else. The love language he put into the world was acts of service, and he did enough for the family that he felt got overlooked that he felt no love in return. Well, maybe not no love, but certainly less. With Dalton away at college, he'd felt a little more secure.

But only a little.

“I have homework I need to do at seven. I can push it off if it's important, though, if you want. I can always tell Mom I had something more important to do.”

[ygg-yiggles]

Old Art: Inktober 2022, part 2

Continuing on from last time, here's days 16-31. Sorry it took longer to get to than I expected.

Day 16: Fowl More issues with the scanner! Why didn't I just find something to weigh down that edge? Anyway, this one was fun to draw, with a mix of various mircon pens, including brush tip ones for those big, chunky lines. The wings are... less than ideal, but I think the twisting neck of the swan turned out well. The swan is one of those animals that looks beautiful, until it's angry, and then suddenly it's terrifying, with innumerable pseudo-teeth like a mouth full of needles. As October is the month of spooky things, I leaned into that.

Day 17: Salty ...Oh come on, you were doing so well with the scanner, almost perfect in fact, but you went back to the phone camera again? Come on. The look is kind of iffy as well, just like the Crabby one featuring these same two characters. I think the weird face on the mom was intentional, though, in order to match the unintentionally weird look of her previously.

Day 18: Scrape Now there we go, there's a nice, clean scan, and an image I'm proud of. Girl in maid outfit, sharpening her cleaver thing. I think it's a girl, at least. If I recall, some degree of ambiguity was the goal. I did still screw up the hands kind of and made that arm chunkier than I wanted, but making heavy use of grey ink let me actually draw something that would read as black without being pitch black and indiscernible. The hair was drawn with an unknown blue-purple fountain pen ink. Really wish I could remember which one that was.

Day 19: Ponytail More adventures in brush-tip micron pens. This is a redraw/other angle of a character I drew just before Inktober 2022 began, but I don't think I quite captured him in the same way. His legs also ended up weirdly stubby here.

Day 20: Bluff Ahhhghhhhh, bad scan again, and it made key parts of the art blurry. Damn. I should really re-scan this one. At least the image is alright, even if one shadow is distractingly dark. I chose to shade this largely with horizontal lines mostly as an experiment, which I think worked out decently and would have worked better if I had committed even more to it. The subject here is the man from the previous day, standing on the topographic feature called a bluff. The best part of the image, I think, is the way I worked the number and prompt into the river.

Day 21: Bad Dog A grotesque, monstrous creature, vaguely canid, with no skin and spikey bits all over. Bit of hair here and there. Overall, I like it. Don't really have much else to say.

Day 22: Heist This anatomy sucks but I drew it quickly, more quickly than something that took up this much of the page normally would. Evidently, I even managed to get it to scan properly! This is not meant to be any character in particular, by the way.

Day 23: Booger You ever just sneeze out an entire slimegirl? I like several things about this, from the way I was able to give the look of transparency to how swollen the sick man's face looks. I'm sure I've drawn plenty better, but I do quite like this one, gross as it is.

Day 24: Fairy Call me old fashioned, but personally I believe fairies should be nude. Well, okay, Touhou Project fairies do really well with big poofy dresses or even american flag pattern spandex, but other than that, keep 'em naked.

Day 25: Tempting All across the Halloween-observing world (i.e. the United States and not much of anywhere else), children are asked to simply not touch a bowl full of candy, sitting out for anywhere from the day leading up to trick-or-treating to all month long. Imagine! Here, we see a child eyeing up a brass bowl full of all sorts of treats. The temptation is palpable.

Day 26: Ego Max Stirner, father of Individualist Egoism, wields an AK, wearing a shirt with torn-off sleeves, with a waifish girl clutching his chest. Need I say more?

Day 27: Snack Another kind of goofy one from a perspective sense and I could have afforded to put more pink on that pig in the front. However, I'm overall happy with the chonky dragon design. Hog after hog has gone down his gullet, and now he looks a little like one himself.

Day 28: Camp I enjoy making recurring characters that exist only for each Inktober. As it turns out the girl(?) from Scrape and the guy from Ponytail and Bluff are either an item or good friends. And hey, look, that cleaver works as an axe to gather and split firewood! I did better with the treeline here than I normally do when I try to draw such a thing. Plenty of room for improvement still. At least this one has a decent amount of color.

Day 29: Uh-Oh Due to the ancient subject matter, I chose to use entirely brown tones to give this one a sepia look. The ancients had cats, and by all accounts I've ever read, their behavior has not changed a bit throughout the entire course of the history of feline domestication. Here, we see a cat which has located a bucket of something, left carelessly on a ledge. Below, a just minding his own business is about to have a bad day. Is this scene Roman? Greek? Something else? I don't know, but it's ancient something somewhere somewhen, or maybe even pure fantasy. No matter the circumstance, no matter the time or place or plane of existence, cats will cause problems on purpose.

Day 30: Gear An amorphous creature with a gear incorporated into its body and other gear around its gaping maw. It is an uneven, asymmetric, shambling beast. One of its hands is even beginning to turn gear-like, with gear teeth on the back side of each digit. I think the best part of this piece is the mouth. Gear piece here were colored with Diamine Ancient Copper ink.

Day 30 31: Farm Oops. This one was rough because I was busy all day and couldn't think of the perfect thing to draw for the entire day up until the evening, when I suddenly chose to embark on a pumpkin field... Or a jack-o-lantern field, rather. They're naturally like that, at least on Halloween. For something I rushed at the end of the day, I honestly don't think it looks half bad, and I'm glad I actually made it full color, even if the coloring is sloppy. Not that any other days were much less sloppy. And yes, I did write 30 there instead of 31. I didn't notice until the next morning. Here, I've put a transparent white square and a yellow numeral "1" on top of it, to correct the day while retaining a legacy of my error

...And that's all. I'll be participating in Inktober again this year, but that's not for a few more months. Stay tuned until then, as I'll be posting newer art as well as more compilations and commentary on my older work, including previous years of Inktober. And, thanks for reading.

[clueingforbeggs]

I was lucky.

I was diagnosed at a fairly young age because I was in therapy at age 6/7, and my therapist noticed something that looked like it could be dyspraxia, so asked my mum to get a physical evaluation.

My school fought against everything I was told to do, or otherwise singled me out.

In year four we had to earn our ‘pen license’ through showing that we could write neatly. Because I and a few other disabled children could not physically write neatly, we were not given one until a week before the end of the year. It wasn’t even waiting until just after the rest of the class were given one, there was almost a whole term between when the last non-disabled kid got one, and when me, K and D did.

K has tremors that cause her hands to constantly shake. I do not know what D has, but like me he had to use a pencil grip. Which our teacher constantly commented on in a ‘Do you really need that?’ way.

In year five our teacher didn’t allow me or D to use our pens with ergonomic grips, because she wanted everyone to use a fountain pen (not the kind with an ink well, but with a cartridge)

In year six my mum actually had to write a letter to my English teacher (we had English and maths sets in primary school) explaining that my physical therapist had advised me to not do joined up handwriting (cursive), because the teacher was marking my work incorrect for not being in cursive, because ‘I would need to do it in high school’.

Throughout both primary and secondary education, I was provided no extra support in physical education. Nor was my disability taken into consideration when marking my performance. End or term report cards always marked my performance in PE as red, because I was too far below my target grade.

I’ll let you into a secret, all target grades in English schools are based on your performance in maths, science and English.

(My parents and teachers were always surprised when I said that I didn’t bother with target grades and paid no attention to them. Not only was this subject impossible for me to achieve my target in, but we were told in year 7 that most our end of year targets for Spanish were literally unachievable due to the papers not allowing us to score that high a mark. Plus, I knew that every target was based on three subjects, so I wrote the entire ridiculous system off)

As this has turned more into a rant about ridiculous school systems than just school systems making things harder for kids with diagnosed hypermobility, here’s a fun fact about how the school responded to another of my disabilities, which caused my core muscles to be underdeveloped and therefore my balance to be bad:

When we were learning to ride a bike in year 4, I was not allowed stabilisers, because apparently they would single me out.

I cannot stay on a bike without stabilisers even as an adult, so instead I was singled out as the kid who fell off the bike as soon as they got on the bike. And also hurt myself needlessly. Repeatedly. For a whole term.

It’s not as if I wasn’t singled out for being disabled already, school! As far as I know I had more disabilities than the other 27 people in the rest of my class put together! Kids pick up on that!

if doctors looked for hypermobility in children you could give them appropriate physical therapy exercises from a young age as their muscles grow, orthotics to correct leg/foot placement, and where necessary additional support like professional k-tape application or other mobility aids before you obtain essentially permanent overtraining injuries from your poor muscles trying their best to stop you comedically collapsing into a pile of bones

but no it's just growing pains. kids don't have things wrong. it'll go away

[bmpmp3]

now if you’ll excuse me im in the middle of doing some pen mods *jams a screwdriver into a platinum preppy*

[o-wyrmlight]

May I learn about the fountain pens?

Fountain Pen cool because many come with ink converters, which means you can suck up fountain pen ink from bottles to use and makes them reusable

Also can be used with ink cartridges which are disposable, but why do that when you can buy bottles of ink that come in loads of different colors? My guy I have purple ink and have ordered blue and green ink I am Swimming in it

Requires a lighter touch than ballpoint pens which can help mitigate cramping hands and issues related to that

Very pretty designs

Can be very very expensive. Like in the $10,000s. But also really really cheap. ...Like $30s.

The large price is mostly for collectors I'm pretty sure. So like. Don't worry too much about that. At some point the quality isn't going to get much better per the price point. And there are some neat, cheaper pens.

Seriously I have a bamboo pen I really like that cost no more than $30 and another rosewood that cost about the same. I bought a 4-pack of cheap, bulky pens for $20. I bought (and promptly lost) another pen for $17. The most I've spent on a pen is the most recent one I got which was on sale for about $48 (from about $70 and looks nice anyway so), and I have my eye on a very pretty green one from the same company that's naturally that price.

There are also disposable fountain pens that come in like packets and stuff. Pack of 12 for like $20. If you're unsure if you like fountain pens you can start off with that, but it should be known that the writing quality of it might not be the best. When I try using a disposable fountain pen, sometimes the ink flow cuts off at certain angles, which I don't get with non-disposable fountain pens.

Different-sized nibs for different-sized line thickness! Fine is thinner than medium, which is thinner than broad. There's also nibs that have a sort of flatness that adds dimension and variation to your writing--I haven't gotten a broad nib or a nib with a stub, but they seem really interesting. Medium is the most frequently-used nib.

Another thing--different brands have different nib sizes due to variation! Nibs are made by companies outside of the actual producers of the fountain pens themselves, and there is variation from one pen to another, especially from a nib company to another.

Since inks tend to run wetter in fountain pens, they take longer to dry. They also tend to require higher-quality paper to mitigate bleeding. Different companies of inks also have different formulas for their inks, so some run wetter than others or can take longer to dry.

I'd recommend only using one or two pens at any one point of time unless you write with pens a lot. The ink can otherwise dry and get stuck in the pen, which leads to you having to clean it out. Also be sure to keep in mind which ink you're using for which pen, as with different ink compositions, they might interact with each other in a bad way and make the ink not flow properly. Then you'd need to clean it out anyway, and that's not fun.

Cleaning out an ink involves using the converter the pen comes with and flushing it out with water. You don't want to use rubbing alcohol because it can mess up the nib pretty badly. What I tend to do is I run water into and out of the converter and the nib, changing out the water from a small little custard cup or something similar from time to time, until no more ink comes out. Then I take the converter off of the nib and set the nib in the water for a few hours. When I take it out, I let it dry before I use it.

Fountain pens are not calligraphy pens! Don't apply pressure to the nib in the hopes of getting line variation, because doing so will end up damaging the nib!

There are people who make their careers out of 'tuning' fountain pens. I'm not sure what exactly this involves, but I have some suspicions for what it is.

At least one of my cheaper pens has a feeder (the black thing on the nib of a fountain pen) that's misaligned with the rest of the nib. It still writes okay, but I'm sure that the misalignment affects the ink flow in some way.

My collection, which includes, in order of when I got/used them:

3 bottles of black inks and 1 bottle of purple ink (for experimentation)

First pen: Beiluner Silver luxury pen, Extra Fine nib. Has Noodlers Purple Martin ink in it. The body is actually made of metal

Aifeter(?) Wooden Bamboo Pen, medium nib. Obtained at the same time as Rosewood but used first. Probably one of my favorites. It doesn't look like Amazon is selling this one right now, but it also comes as a bamboo ballpoint pen for $16.

Woodsworth & Black Rosewood Medium pen.

3/4 Gullor fountain pen pack, Medium. Definitely the cheapest ones I have. They have thick plastic bodies but can come in more colors than seen here. The feeds are misaligned with the nib itself. 3/4 because I gave one to my mom. The pen caps do not stay on the back of the pens. Yellow pen has either Noodlers Bernanke Black or Woodsworth & Black Mysterious Black.

Scrivener silver chrome fountain pen, medium nib, retail price $70 but caught on sale for about $40 that's still going on. Just received today and haven't gotten to try it out yet.

Disposable Fountain Pen. Arteza, came in a pack of 12. Since it comes in a pack with ink already in it, and are made to be disposable, you don't need to worry as much about the ink drying up in it. It's difficult to write with at certain angles due to certain angles cutting off the ink flow, but they're definitely the cheapest and most affordable option I have. Since they're cheap and disposable, these are the ones I'd probably prefer carrying on me most frequently when at work. Because of the occasional difficulty writing with it, though, I mostly opt for one or two of my other pens.

I also found that pen I thought I lost... It was on my night stand of all places.

Hongdian 1843 Navigator Fountain Pen, Fine. This is the only pen I have with a silver nib, and while it touts itself as Fine, it feels more like a Medium. Unlike the other pens, this one has a screw-on cap, which makes it a bit irritating to cap and uncap frequently. Feed is subtly misaligned but it writes well enough and has a good weight to it. Either Woodsworth & Black Mysterious Black ink or Noodlers Bernanke Black. Aside from the pack of 4, the cheapest pen.

Pictured: The misaligned feeder (black) on my cheap yellow pen.

Pictured: A comparison of different converters of the 3 cheap fountain pens I have. From left to right, the converter of the yellow pen is full of ink; the red pen has no ink but is still connected to the nib; and the blue pen both doesn't have any ink in the converter and is disconnected from the nib. You twist the black extension at the bottom of the converter in these pictures to intake air or liquid, and also to push air and liquid out.

Pictured: Two packages of two different types of ink cartridges. Ink cartridges tend to carry more ink in them, but aren't generally reusable. To use them, you remove the converter from the pen and use the cartridge in place of the converter.

More or less, fountain pens are. Pretty neat I guess you could say. I was only able to recall the names of these pens because Amazon keeps track of all of your orders.

As a bonus, here is the current most expensive fountain pen on Amazon so you know how ridiculous these prices can be:

Versus the knowledge that every single one that I currently have, I've never paid more than $50 myself.

This is the one I have my eye on, by the way. It's so handsome.

[starglow-xx]

(About the brother!atsushi) aRE YOU READING MY MIND MISS?! Because that has been on my mind for MONTHS. TYSM For writing it was amazing!! If you don't mind, may I request (if requests are open) atsushi, still an older brother, but with a sister that's 10-13 yrs old? It's totally fine if you don't wanna do it. Keep up the good stories, ily mwuah!

*sobs* you’re so kind thank youu 🤧🤧

i wrote this a bit differently i hope that’s okay anon! at first i planned for this to be mainly abt atsushi and the reader, but i decided to add in relationship hcs with the agency bc i ran out of ideas

if you guys liked this don’t worry! im planning a special part two for this one so be the look out for it hehe

atsushi with a tween! sister

ft. the armed detective agency

like in my baby sister hcs, you’re still the most important thing to him period

the two of you got picked up by dazai and kunikida when he was 18 (obviously) and when you were 12

for a 12 year old, you were a bit small bc of malnourishment (which makes atsushi feel so bad) so both dazai and kunikida thought you were a bit younger than you actually were

they assumed you were about 9-10ish

you and atsushi both share a favorite food !! chazuke :)

so when kunikida treated the two of you, he made sure you got more bowls bc like i mentioned above, he feels really bad that you were malnourished and under weight

(don’t bring this up but kunikida felt bad too hehe)

when dazai went with your brother to the warehouse, you were with kunikida

imagine the surprise of the other ada members when kunikida came in with a little girl dressed in rags that popped out from behind him

kenji was the one who vocalized his thoughts 

“kunikida-san you have a daughter?! wow! i didn’t know that! :D”

when you found out your brother was a tiger, you were a bit concerned but you were actually kind of excited

you were even more excited when you found out the two of you were going to be taken in by the agency

anything was better than the stupid orphanage

and besides!

you got a tiger for an older brother and a bunch of other super powered agents to take care of you! who could want anything else?

at your age, you’re very impressionable and can be influenced easily so atsushi makes sure to teach you more in depth of good morals and the importance of kindness

his heart swells with pride and relief when he catches you being kind to others

pride bc he’s proud that even after all the two of you have gone through, you still ended up being a good kid and having a bright view of the world

and relief bc he hasn’t failed as a big brother

pfftt like he could ever fail

but please, from time to time reassure him that he’s perfect and the only big brother that you’d ever want bc he rlly needs that kind of validation

with his salary and savings, he tries to buy nice things for you

what a sweetheart 🥺

he saw you eyeing that one dress at a store window? fast forward abt a week and half and it’s inside a pretty gift bag for you

you wanted to try that dessert from the nice bakery? that’s dessert after dinner at one point

but other than buying you things, he sets money aside for you

like all the time

(y/n), here have this, you might need it”

“but nii-san you just gave me—”

“take it”

#1 spoiler

also your #1 confidant and source of physical affection

you tell him anything and everything (except crushies and those kinds of things)

atsushi loves it when you talk abt your day and he can see the big smile on your face and the sparkle in your eyes

it gives him the strength to keep going 😖😖

the two of you aren’t as touch starved as you’d probably think, but that’s only bc the two of you had each other

in your opinion, no one can match the hugs of your big brother

and it got even better bc YAYY he has tiger arms now ٩(◕‿◕)۶

if you ask, he’d carry you around too hehe

you also get nightmares quite often so he’ll always be there ready to calm you down, talk if you need to, and rock you back to sleep

god i love him 🤧🤧

atsushi will do everything in his power to protect you and make sure you get to grow up happy, supported, and loved

port mafia attack? oop he’s already taking you to the nearest escape route

someone is starting to harass you? they just got suckered punched into the next week

you want to go out to have some fun? he’ll go ask the president for a day off

you’re not feeling well? he’ll take another day off and take care of you

whatever you want to do, he’ll do it with you! (as long as it’s within reason)

will always be your #1 supporter! and he’s the president of your fan club hehe

he loves you so so much and will do anything for you; your life and happiness will always be more important to him

you are his reason to keep going

agency head canons !!

atsushi is your big brother, but kunikida is most definitely some sort of father figure

everyone can see it

except kunikida of course

kunikida scolds you lightly if he thinks your manners need work or if you make a mess in the agency

you listen to him of course and in turn as some sort of a reward, he’ll give you pieces of stationary

he always gives you the nice, good quality kind and you’re over the moon

atsushi adores it when you come running to him showing your new notebook or fountain pen and blabbering what you’re going to do with it

sometimes it isn’t even as a reward for being a good child; he’ll just give it to you and he’ll say smth like “i noticed you’ve used up your last notebook quite quickly, so here’s another one” or “did you run out of ink? here have this then”

he usually has a soft spot for children in general, but he most definitely has a soft spot (or a thousand) for you

yosano is kind of like a motherly figure to you

she gives you the guidance a mother should and goes on shopping trips with you!

atsushi always gets dragged along by you, but he thinks it’s worth it seeing you look so happy

yosano being a doctor also tries to teach the things you should know, or things that would be helpful to you

she’ll teach you the basics of cooking, sewing, how to treat a cold/fever, etc

also gives you excellent advice 1000% of the time

“remember (y/n)-chan if someone hurts you come tell me and then i’ll chop them into—”

“yOSANO-SENSEI DONT TELL HER THAT—”

fukuzawa is like a father to most in the agency but you see him more as a grandfather figure

bi weekly tea and gossip sessions hehe

along with cat talk!

most of the time though, it’s just you talking and him listening to you, but the two of you enjoy it nonetheless

“and then kunikida-san ended up crashing into a pole and dazai-san started to laugh at him and i did too because it was really funny but we ended up getting scolded—”

“hmm i see...”

he’ll let you stay in his office as he fills out paperwork; you’re usually doodling or drawing in your notebooks

sometimes he’ll meditate and you’ll join him, but 4/7 times you’d fall asleep

you always wake up with a blanket over you

dazai is like a cool but a highly concerning and kind of high maintenance uncle

frequently takes you out with him when he ditches work

walks in the park, eating at uzumaki so he has the excuse of treating you so he doesn’t have to pay his tab avoiding kunikida and sometimes chuuya and akutagawa, all that fun stuff

also tries to not talk abt suicide in front of you especially if it’s just the two of you alone

he knows that you mean the world to his pupil and that said pupil would probably hate him for putting suicide inside your brain

he teaches you random but useful things like how to pick a lock, how to steal kunikida’s notebook if you’re looking for some information, how to sweet talk your way out of things, etc.

is also the one to tell you that if you ever get a significant other to introduce them to the agency first

he always wants all of your gossip; some of them work pretty well for blackmail

“dazai-san! dazai-san! did you know that kunikida-san lost his glasses and he was looking for them for nearly an hour when he was just holding them the entire time??”

“woah really (y/n)-chan?! hey hey can you say it again into this recording device so kunikida-kun would believe me when i tell him—”

always ends up giving kunikida a heart attack when he says that you’ve been with him all day

ranpo is also like a cool but a highly concerning and kind of high maintenance uncle

will share some of his snacks, but don’t push it or you might not get anything at all

loves it when you compliment him

if you tagged along with him and your brother on a case, he will show off to impress you

“...and that’s how the crime happened”

“UWAHH RANPO-SAN YOU’RE SO COOL”

atsushi is lowkey and kunikida is highkey stressed that ranpo’s eating habits will rub off on you

“ne (y/n)-chan do you wanna try this highly caffeinated drink and this concerning amount of sugar filled snack?”

“can i really?!”

“rANPO-SAN NO—”

ranpo definitely does stuff like that on purpose 

the tanizakis are like siblings to you!

a weird set of siblings but siblings nonetheless

the two of them adore you and think you’re precious

atsushi definitely knows how to do your hair whether it’s long or short but he got even better at it when he asked the two

hehe braid trains are definitely a thing + kyouka and kenji (and maybe even dazai)

sometimes you have sibling swap days

you’re with junichiro for most of the day and atsushi is with naomi

strange i know

each of the tanizaki siblings try to make it fun bc they know that the two of you did not at all have a happy upbringing

junichiro likes spending time with you by taking you out to different places that naomi likes to frequent

like the mall, different stores and restaurants, the park, places like those

naomi does the same thing with atsushi so if you ever bump into them, you go out and eat together :)

besides atsushi, the next one in line who spoils you the most would be junichiro (and yosano & kunikida both coming in at a close third)

he honestly can’t help it; you remind him of how naomi was when she was younger

and besides

he’s always been a sucker when it came to the happiness of a little sister

“would you really buy this for me junichiro-san?!”

“of course! don’t worry about it” :)

wanna talk abt boys/girls/celebrity crushes things like that? naomi is your girl

you feel a bit embarrassed to go talking to yosano or your brother abt that and kyouka does not know a thing abt them either

“uwahh naomi-san look at all these people in this magazine! they look so good!”

“right?! but of course onii-sama is still the best—”

you get along with kenji and kyouka quite nicely being roughly the same age as them; they’re also like siblings!

just pure, wholesome vibes from the three of you

you’re over the moon when she finds out that kyouka is staying with you and your brother

atsushi is twice as happy seeing you talk your mouth off and finally having a girl around your age to talk to

“do you think demon snow can change how she looks?”

“hmm... im not sure...”

you and kenji talk abt anything and everything

he even teaches you how to take care of plants!

sometimes the two of you are kind of in the same boat bc you don’t know much abt yokohoma being stuck in the orphanage and kenji doesn’t know much abt cities in general

“wait where are we again kenji-san?”

“ah we’re close to the ports! but im not really sure how close because i don’t know what the symbols on this sign mean”

“don’t worry! neither do i!”

bonus things!

yosano was kind of too late teaching you abt you know what

“NII-SAN IM BLEEDING IN BETWEEN MY LEGS”

you’re sobbing in the agency’s bathroom and atsushi is panicking trying to get you to open the door

“Y/N?! H-HOLD ON LET ME GET YOSANO SENSEI”

ranpo overhears and cackles making everyone around him confused

suddenly atsushi bursts in the agency basically on the verge of tears rambling incoherent sentences abt the bathroom, you, and blood

it just clicked for everybody in the room

(im going to pretend that kenji has sisters back home so that atsushi is the only one who remain oblivious here hehe)

atsushi is genuinely confused and sort of concerned that no one is freaking out with him

yosano waves her hand saying smth like that she’d take care of it and junichiro pulls atsushi to the side to talk to him

fast forward like half and hour and dazai and ranpo are cackling on the looks of both of your faces

honestly not sure who’s more traumatized, you or your brother

“why does this have to happen” :(

“ne ne (y/n)-chan!~ you’re too young but at some point you’re not going to have it!”

“uwahh really dazai-san?” :D

“yeah! but first you have to have ANFK—”

next thing you know your ears are being covered by your brother and dazai is thrown across the room by kunikida

you know

the normal

you’re twelve and have never gone to school, but the agency takes care of that

it’s too dangerous to go to school so they teach you what’s necessary and whatever else they can

kunikida takes care of math (obviously)

yosano takes care of science/biology/anatomy/health (whatever you wanna call it)

ranpo even dragged poe to help you with english

atsushi even got lucy to help you out with english too!

as tanizaki and naomi used to be students, they give you their old work books and they try to teach you all the other subjects

sometimes kyouka and kenji are there learing with you too!

sorry if there’s some errors! i’ll read through it again later :)

and as always, reblogs and shares are appreciated! i hope you all stay safe! and just in case nobody told you they loved you today, i love you! you are enough! <3

writing belongs to me! please do not plagiarize! the reblog button is there for a reason

[inamindfarfaraway]

🖊️ ? 👉👈(I like hearing ab people's characters shdjsjf)

I’m so flattered you want to know about my characters. You don’t need to be embarrassed about it. Since I know from your blog you like My Hero Academia, I’ll introduce you to an OC I made for that, Fumihiro Goto.

Goto’s story (that I have not yet written… or outlined… but have had a lot of daydreams about! That counts, right?) takes place analogous to Izuku Midoriya’s. He is a first year in UA High School’s Department of General Education, Class 1-D. He and his classmates have relatively mundane drama, comedy, bonding and so on, like a normal high school series, with hero stuff in the background or relegated to side characters. Well, kinda. The aim of this story - prospectively titled Unsung - is to show both elements of the general public’s lives the show itself misses by focusing on heroes, and how omnipresent and impactful hero culture is that it still manages to influence the kids’ lives, Goto and his deuteragonist foil counterpart especially, despite none of them actually being hero students. A deconstruction of hero society from a non-hero/hero-adjacent perspective; and a reconstruction of heroic ideals, of being a ‘hero’ in the sense of ‘really good person’.

Being the protagonist, Goto has a complicated relationship with heroism. His mother Sara is a Pro Hero called Talon with a Mutant Quirk, sharp gold claws, and his father is a herpetologist and zookeeper with the ability to control the pigment in his body. That gives Goto… drum roll please… pen nibs for fingernails. Like, fountain pen nibs. That’s his Quirk. He can change the colour, consistency and chemical formula of the ink (he could make it seriously poisonous if he wanted to) and it helps him with calligraphy, which he loves and is very good at, but, like. They’re pen nibs. And they leak ink when he feels anxious, cephalopod style. He can write with them fine, but his handwriting with non-fountain pen utensils is out of practice as a result. It isn’t a bad Quirk, it just obviously isn’t the best suited to heroism. Thing is, Sara - because of projecting her personal issues onto her son, as fictional parents do when the story needs drama - really wants him to be a hero too and has attempted to mentor him to that end for years. She’s a good, if stern and not so great at listening, parent in other aspects of his life, wants the best for him and they love each other a lot, she just can’t get it through her head yet that he might not want to be a hero. He has his own reasons for initially thinking he might - he’s extremely empathetic and can relate to feeling helpless and weak, so he does desire to help people. But after failing the Department of Heroics’s entrance exam and starting the year in General Education, he grows in independence and comes to appreciate his own passions and strength. For example, he’s interested in writing and begins to like the idea of being an author. His insecurities make him doubt his own judgment too much to commit to a choice that will shape not only his future, but his relationship with his mother, leading him to procrastinate on it for a while during which he makes friends in his class and does stuff with them. His character arc is basically him learning how to make more and better decisions and gaining the courage to follow through on them.

He’s also autistic! As well as literature and calligraphy, his special interests include dinosaurs and birds - the latter he’ll be quick to inform you are a subcategory within dinosaurs. He is hypersensitive to sound and touch; he is uncomfortable being touched unexpectedly and with many noises overlapping. He stims by feeling soft objects/fabrics like feathers and his comfort blanket and making bird noises, among others. Can you tell I have a theme going here?

Look up my MHA OCs on my blog if this interests you! Goto and the aforementioned deuteragonist character’s bios are here.

[greenbriar-j]

5 times the prince crashed the bookstore

and the 1 time the owner(’s grandson) broke into the palace

-

One.

             The first time was an accident. Sort of. Not really.

             Prince Gabriel did need to buy new ink and maybe a new journal to replace the one Gunther accidentally threw into the fountain the last time Gabe escaped the palace. If he was so pressed, though, he could’ve asked one of his attendants to buy it for him.

             So, yeah, it was kind of an accident. Gabriel donned his “commoner” attire, hiding his immediately recognizable curls under a cap. The clothes he wore were bland, but he had the kind of figure that made every outfit stand out. He snuck out through the window, running to the bookstore to get as much time away from his princely duties as possible.

             It was so boring, all of it. The paperwork, the meetings, the girls.

             Full confession: Prince Gabriel loved girls. Adored them. Thought they were the neatest thing to be placed on the planet. He loved the neighboring princesses, their mother queens, the female attendants – he loved women. He could not for a second imagine kissing any of them.

             Kissing Gunther? That, he’d imagined several times before the guard had caught on and assigned him even more paperwork. Fucking Gunther.

             Not, Gabe grimaced, pushing open the door to the bookstore, fucking Gunther. Stop thinking about fucking Gunther. About fucking. In general. … You’re a disgrace of a prince. At least you’re not responsible for producing an heir.

             Because he was the second prince. Because he was responsible for many things, actually, while also not being responsible for a thing at all.

             “Welcome to Vanilla Pages, how can I help you today?”

             The prince’s head whipped to the sound of the voice. It was not the voice he expected to hear, the almost frail, ever-loving voice of the old Asian lady who’d always been here the last few times he came. This voice was rich, masculine, deep – and, oh, the prince was very, very gay for it.

             “Uh,” he said intelligently. “You’re new.”

             The man smiled at him. “I’m not. I’ve worked here every summer since I was ten. Granny gets a little faint in the summer. The heat and all.” A beautiful hand waved in a beautiful, dismissive gesture.

             Gabe had one thought, and it was this: He himself was feeling a little faint this summer. Somehow, behind the broad shoulders filling out the loose shirt, the scruffy ponytail, the calm yet twinkling eyes, the man was undoubtedly a big teddy bear. “Ah,” he said, again the pinnacle of intelligence towering over his whole kingdom. “What’s your name?”

             “It’s impolite to ask for someone’s name without giving yours first,” the man prompts. “Your Highness.”

             Your-? “The disguise is that bad?”

             “If I say so, will it end in a death sentence?”

             Fuck, fuck, fuck. That smile is unfair. What the fuck. “I’ll make sure it doesn’t.”

             “Then yes, it sucks. The name’s Phuong.”

             “Oh, word? Good name.” I did not just say that. Who responds to introductions with oh, word?

             Gabe could not stand to make any more of a scene. This was fun. It was also very embarrassing. He grabbed a journal without really examining it, checking out and running across the street to the bakery.

             Gunther picked him up there after his own round of flirting with the baker’s daughter. There would probably be a wedding soon. Depending. The guard seemed surprised that the prince turned up on his own, but the prince thought nothing of it. He thought nothing at all.

             Not about the name Phuong.

             Not about those broad shoulders and muscular arms left on full display. The wide, toothy grin.

             Not anything at all.

 Two.

             The second time was a detour.

             “Gabe, I mean this in the most respectful way, but if you do not finish writing a birthday card to the prince of [other kingdom, idk], we will be having a war council within the month.”

             “Gunther, he can’t even read. Why does it matter?” Tossing his head back and stretching his legs out, he acted like the brat he only was for Gunther.

             The guard delivered a withering glare without adjusting his rigid stance. Even the prince has to admit that Gunther seemed to be experiencing physical repercussions for his job. In just a month, the prince had aged his friend by a year, or so it seemed.

             Reluctantly, Gabe held in every protest dangling on the edge of his tongue and penned a birthday note to the two year old prince. “We have to deliver this in person?”

             “Yes.”

             Gabe groaned. He could not think of a prospect he hated more. In a month, he had not managed to gather enough poise to revisit his beloved Phuong at the bookstore. He merely whimpered the name in his sleep, according to an unusually smug Gunter. And now, to be separated by this meaningless trek?

             “To the post, Gabe. Not to [neighboring kingdom].”

             Ever the model prince, Gabriel drew himself upright immediately. “The post, you say,” he repeated regally. “The one three streets away from the bookstore.”

             “That’s the one.” His guard, his best friend, smiled tightly. “I intend to propose along the way, and your stringing this out is not helping my nerves.”

             His royal eyes wider than saucers, Gabe ruffled all of his curls in distress and excitement. “Propose! Why didn’t you say so, you big baboon?”

             “You were sulking, Highness.” Gunther’s smile is wry, only a little amused.

             “I most certainly was not. Agh, let’s go, let’s go, let’s go.”

             In his rush, he sustained more injury to his hands that day than he had in the past year.

 -

             “So…” Phuong glanced at Gabe’s hands, a quick flicker of dark brown eyes. “What happened to your hands?”

             Prince Gabriel hid the offending bandaged digits behind his back. “A mishap while writing the world’s most useless letter.”

             “Oh?”

             “Its recipient can’t even read. OH!” Without thinking, Gabe grabbed at Phuong’s shirt, tugging in his hasty excitement. “He’s doing it, he’s-!”

             He turned, only to find his face alarmingly close to Phuong’s. Why was the other man looking at him anyway? Did it matter?

             The moment was broken too soon by a holler across the street. “GABE! SHE SAID YES!”

             “OF COURSE SHE DID, YOU BABOON!” He fired back, pretending not to feel the heat rising inside him from the sudden close proximity. “He’s going to look so hot at his wedding,” Gabe muttered dreamily, still clinging with bandaged fingertips to Phuong’s shirt.

             “I have something for you,” Phuong said suddenly. “I wasn’t sure when you would come back, but I have something.”

             It was the best news the prince had heard all day. Seeing Phuong while getting his work done and receiving a gift? Only the gods could provide such a setup.

             He was right, for once, that it was too good to be true. Phuong deposited a box of fanmail in the prince’s arms and turned away without a word.

 Three.

             The third time was a disaster.

             “Did you read them?” Phuong asked after the initial pleasantries had been exchanged.

             “The letters?” Gabe leaned on the counter. “Burned them.” He grinned, but back-pedaled when the joke falls flat.

             Phuong swallowed, then busied himself wiping down the counter. “You burned them?”

             “If I read every piece of fanmail I ever got, I wouldn’t survive, Phuong.”

             “I see. I suppose- No, never mind.”

             While he hadn’t burned them, Gabe hadn’t read them either. He had no reason to read confessions of love from women who didn’t stand a chance with him because 1) he didn’t like women like that and 2) he only had a certain pool of suitors to choose from. This thing he was perpetuating with Phuong… It would burn him eventually. But Phuong was still very, very hot, and Gabe was still very, very gay.

             There was no promise of reciprocated anything from the clerk. He was simply doing his job, and Gabe was just a guy that came in a little too often for a little too long. That was all.

             “What’s this about, then? Was there one I should have read? Is it from your sister?”

             “I don’t have a sister.”

             “Your cousin?”

             “Your Highness,” Phuong looks at him, finally. Gabe doesn’t enjoy it, though. Not the way the address comes out so clinical, so distant. “All the letters had the same handwriting. My handwriting.”

             The prince’s throat goes dry. “What?” He whispers.

             “I’m closing the shop early today,” the other man responds in that same distant voice. “You’ll need to leave, Your Highness.”

             Stunned, Gabe returns to the palace.

 -

             Each of the letters is one sentence long.

I hope this finds you well, Your Highness.

 The stars in your eyes shine brighter than mine, yet belong to the same single sky.

You’re a brat.

Gunther came to the bakery today; I’m strangely disappointed by your absence.

A heartless one, you turned out to be.

The stars in your eyes shine on different continents than mine, it seems.

 Foolish of me to write letters to someone I’ve only met once.

Why do I think of you so often, my most hated daydream?

              There’s one for every day of the month Gabe avoided Vanilla Pages.

             “Gunther?” He calls into the air. A maid scurries in instead, apologizing for the absence of his guard, a different guard trailing in behind her. “It’s fine. Will you bring me some alcohol?”

 Four.

        ��    The fourth time was a mistake.

             The very same night, a very drunk Gabe stumbled through the streets. It would be a prime night for assassination, if anyone wanted to put him out of his misery. A shame that no one did.

             Mindless feet guided him back to the bookstore. Fruitlessly, he banged on the shut and bolted door.  

             An angry Gunther dragged him home, and Phuong was never the wiser.

 Five.

             The fifth time was purposeful.

            “Your engagement was decided today.”

             Hollow-eyed, Prince Gabriel blinked at the captain of his guard – a married man now. The wedding had been beautiful. As expected. “My what?”

             “Your engagement, Highness. She’s a very pretty woman, if it’s any consolation.”

             “It’s not.”

             “Phuong is also in very bad shape, if it’s any consolation. Rea said so.”

             “It’s not.” The words came muffled by the pair of hands covering the prince’s face. It was enough that he felt bad about everything. There was really no reason both of them should feel awful. “Gunther, clear my schedule for the next hour. I’m going to the bookstore.”

             “You’re engaged now.”

             “I’m aware. Betrothed men ought to tell other suitors when they’re off the market.”

             The intention is clear, and Gunther seems upset. Unreasonably so. “Your Highness-”

             “I have to, Gunther. I’m going to make him hate me so he can move on faster.”

             “But you-”

             “I always knew how this would end. It’s okay. I’m okay.”

             He was anything but okay. He was gay and in love and engaged to a beautiful woman who deserved the kind of love he could never give her because he was gay and desperately in love with someone else.

             Each solemn step of the way, he bid farewell to each part of the man he had inexplicably grown to love. Goodbye, beautiful hair. Goodbye, kind heart. Goodbye, brown eyes. Goodbye, biceps; goodbye, thighs. Goodbye, hands. Goodbye, stupid love letters.

             He walked in, announced his engagement to the ground, and fled before he could see the other man’s reaction.

 One.

             Phuong considered his life in chapters.

             They were typically large, vague categories of his life that were boring and tedious to live through. Childhood. Teenage years. Adulthood. Gabe. It was only this latest chapter that made any difference in anything he thought.

             Before Gabe, life was dull. Every day, the same. After him, every day was painful – but the good kind of painful that perhaps would lead to something. The second prince bore the name of the messenger of the lord, and that had to count for something, didn’t it?

             Apparently not. For Gabe to cut him off so quickly… If he had hoped to give Phuong any kind of conclusion about what they were and what they meant to each other, he failed spectacularly.

             After milling around Rea’s bakery for half the day, he finally called in his favor. “Rea, can I… Uhm…”

             “If you wait until sundown, Gunther will come home for dinner, and he can take you straight to the brat himself,” she replied before he finished the thought. “Just tell him how you feel, and if it goes bad, you can have free cakes for a week.”

             “I’ll get fat and unattractive.”

             “Honey,” she said in that pitying tone he’d so hoped to avoid.

             “Can I… Have a free cake now?”

 -

             Prince Gabriel and Gabe were very different people, and while Phuong had known this, it didn’t really dawn on him until he saw it with his own two eyes.

             Gabe – his Gabe – smiled and laughed at everything, had horrible posture because he was always trying to get that tiny bit closer to Phuong, and dressed horribly because he thought it’d work as a disguise.

             Prince Gabriel wore tailored clothes that made Phuong a little dizzy because of how they accentuated a man who didn’t need accentuating at all. Prince Gabriel spoke with authority and walked with it, too. He oozed it.

             Phuong didn’t know if this made his job any easier.

             The moment the door shut behind him, the prince groaned and stretched and stripped off his clothes from the day. He flopped face-first on the bed like a child and immediately called for the captain of his guard.

             “Is it okay that I’m here instead?” Phuong said softly.

             Unexpectedly, the prince jumped ten feet in the air. “Phuong?”

             A complicated series of expressions crossed the prince’s face. He looked like he wanted to be upset, but couldn’t, and in the end, he started to cry, reaching for Phuong with grabby hands and a bleeding heart. What a foolish prince, to wound himself like this, when he really didn’t need to be wounded at all.

             “Your eyes shine with stars that are different from mine, but they share the same sky,” Phuong murmured, climbing into the prince’s bed and pulling him into a clumsy embrace. “If you had read that, I thought you’d have understood.”

             “It’s not the same as telling me upfront. I can’t bank my decisions on I think.”

             “I know.”

             And the prince only cried more. This was all his heart had ever wanted, but it still didn’t tell his mind what to do. Could he afford to forfeit his engagement? Would he have to forfeit Phuong again, knowing what he knew now?

             He didn’t know. He didn’t care yet. It was hard to care with Phuong’s finger sliding through his curls, with feathery touches of lips to his forehead.

             “Gabe.”

             “Hm?”

             “I really, really like you. But I get it if you still have to let me go.”

             Gabe tightened his arms around Phuong. “I won’t. I don’t want to.”

             “Okay.”

Spoiler alert: I have no idea how to actually end this but I believe they figure out their way to get together and live happily ever after bc that was the whole point of this but I really can’t be bothered to write it out whoops