#i need them making the worst dad jokes 24/7

[shadebloopnik]

I just want Alastor and Lucifer's relationship in canon to develop enough to be chaotic besties. Like- we all know this alr, but they'd work SOOOO well together- Dramatic and emotionally passionate, with his sarcastic dark humor murder bestie its a fucking sitcom guys comeon-

Imagine a scene of Lucifer practicing talking to Lilith, just pouring his heart out in a declaration of love. And then it pans over to Alastor in a blonde wig, still with his suit and all, just going "Hmmm! No😁", and Lucifer throwing a book at his face like "TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY. Alastor dramatically sighs and fixes his wig with a "Ohh alright old chap." He clears his throat and takes a deep breath and-

Pulls out a stack of papers with 'DIVORCE' scribbled messily on it and says in the most feminine sounding voice, "Now darling if you'll just sign here-"

Lucifer tackles him.

[v2mped]

bf!jason who’s eyes always find yours in a crowd of people, smiling when your gazes meet

bf!jason who gets jealous quickly and will definitely give a dirty look (or even start a fight) with any guy who looks at you the wrong way

bf!jason who starts kissing you and being all touchy when he’s jealous just so everyone knows who you’re with

bf!jason who buys you flowers and gifts whenever just because he likes seeing you happy

bf!jason who has the worst sense of humor and makes dad jokes 24/7 but you still smile or even laugh at them because of how proud he looks when you do

bf!jason who calls you baby, babygirl, sweetheart, and princess

bf!jason who isn’t afraid to touch you in public and will grab, smack, squeeze and even stare at your ass shamelessly. He starts doing it a lot more just because he likes how flustered you get

bf!jason who definitely wears the most delicious rings on his fingers that make you get heart eyes and asks why you’re staring at his hands like that

bf!jason who gives the sloppiest kisses ever and acts like he hasn’t kissed you in YEARS

bf!jason who says “I need you to use your words sweetheart” when you’re all whiny and needy for him :((

bf!jason who’s too afraid to hurt you when fucking even when you beg him to be rougher

bf!jason who eventually gives in because he couldn’t hold back any longer and fucks you till you’re all dumb and a mumbling mess <3

bf!jason who eats pussy like it’s his last meal, his fingers holding your thighs over his shoulders as your juices run all down his chin and down his neck, and he moans when you cum all over his face cause he can’t get enough of your sweet taste :(

bf!jason who lowkey has a breeding kink and starts mumbling “how pretty you would be with his cum leaking out your pretty little pussy” (but he gets too scared and cums all over your pretty little tits)

bf!jason who gives you gentle kisses all over your face once yall are done and whispers how good you did :((

bf!jason who falls asleep with you in his arms and the cutest little smile on his face <3

dividers belong to @rookthornesartistry

@santoriniii heres a little blurb until I finish your request <3

[star-dust-shark]

1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,18,19,20,21,22,23,24,25,26,27,28,29,30,31,32,33,34,35,36,37,38,39,40,41,42,43,44,45,46,47,38,49,50

For the ask thing <3

Woah holy shit

1. ( a nickname of mine? ) Will, Pookie, Brother

2. ( an embarrassing story? ) I once showed a preppy girl a picture I drew of gay furries kissing when I was like nine

3. ( a turn on ) @crowwolf8

4. ( a turn off ) bad hygiene and jerk personality

5. ( something I look for in a partner ) kindness, a nice ass /j, funny and caring

6. ( about my best friend ) I have a few, but @lucasthedoofus-mushroomskulls is the coolest guy ever and he makes me rlly happy and @justagremlinoncaffeine is a cunt ( /j ur so cool ily /p )

7. ( about my worst enemy ) he’s toxic and mean and I hate him so so so much :3

8. ( about someone I think is cute ) hehe I love him :3 ( my bf )

9. ( about someone I think is smart ) smartest girl or maybe even person I’ve ever met, she’s nice and laughs at my jokes even when they’re bad :D I sit with her in French class

10. ( about someone I think is funny ) you laugh at his jokes and then question urself ( lucas, one of my besties I tagged )

11. ( about my crush ) he’s so sweet and so nice and so funny and cute and strong and erm yeah- I’m not a simp trust chat

12. ( about my parents ) I love them most of the time more so my dad I think my mom can be…

13. ( about my siblings ) my brother is annoying as fuck love him tho

14. ( something I like about my body ) nothing lol

15. ( something I dislike about my body ) everything

16. ( something I like about my personality ) I’m sorta funny I think

17. ( something I dislike about my personality ) most things but specifically irl I’m really mean haha

18. ( a quote I live by ) WE HAD A BONDING MOMENT!!! I CRADLED YOU IN MY ARMS!!

19. ( my favourite book ) ermmm probably any pjo novel or spvtw comic

20. ( my favourite movie ) any horror one or star wars one ( attack of the clones, a new hope, Alien, I know what you did last summer, a quiet place )

21. ( my favourite food ) I don’t like food much but maybe gummy sharks

22. ( my favourite drink ) MONSTER MONSTER MONSTER

23. ( a talent I have ) NONE 😭

24. ( an unusual talent I have ) I once armpit farted fifty times in a row 🎀

25. ( one of my favourite followers ) GYATT DAYUM UH- @iloveyapping @justalunaticfangirl @imarayoffuckingsunshine @imqueerandadeer and others

26. ( fictional character I relate to ) Will Solace and Tobias Eaton ( vent warning? )

27. ( my favourite book I read for school ) charlotte’s web

28. ( my favourite play ) idk I haven’t seen many

29. ( a childhood memory ) crying when I had to get off a ride at the fair

30. ( my best birthday ) I don’t really know actually maybe my twelth

31. ( an embarrassing secret ) I’m gay 🫣

32. ( a little known fact ) I’m homophobic

33. ( a time I made a mistake ) dating my ex like girl is a mistake in herself ( my bad chat but she was horrible to me )

I KNOW U ASKED MORE I WILL UPDATE I JUST NEED TO SLEEP NOW LY CHAT

[ghostismybbygorl]

Okay heres how id vibe with cod characters

First off i think my call sign would be 'mouse'

Bc im small i can scurry around places pretty quick and i can escape out of a situation fast as well that or cause i sneeze like a mouse

Id be a sniper and demolition expert ngl

Price

Legit i would call him dad 24/7 not like in a daddy kind of way but like legit a father figure

he'd just roll his eyes and accept the fact that he has another kid he has to take care of

100% would smoke a cigar with him though id smoke those tiny cigarillos (my brother smokes cigars and ill smoke a little with him)

Gift giving is my love language so whenever id visit a new country id buy him a cigar from there

I have a hat like his and i WILL wear it around and mimick him

Id do the grunts and everything

I feel like id be on more missions with him than anyone else

Definitely would hang out in his office to keep him company and annoy the shit out if him

Soap

Dont let anyone near us

Like

AT ALL

wed be doing diabolical shit especially since im an arsonist and free will plus military grade explosives plus mouse and soap. have the fire department on speed dial

We'd be the reason price is greying faster

100% stealing his shirts and hoodies they'd be so big on me

Im gonna be up front with this one

We'd be fucking. I'm down bad for this man

We'd annoy the absolute piss out of ghost. He can handle one soap but TWO hes gonna need the backpack leashes for us

Quoting vines and tiktoks ON THE DAILY

Jam seshes in the car would be 100% perfect

We'd have a snap streak and its only stupid photos we take

Im recording everything he does i know damn well hes always in a silly goofy mood

Definitely in the blunt rotation

He's definitely the type to find my snack rations and eat them in front of me

Lots of hugs and kisses for this man

Except when he eats my snacks

Wed play fight all the time. When i'm really close with someone ill start "beating them up" (just be faking to fight you)

Ghost

Oh this poor poor man

Have sympathy on him because he's going to try to avoid every ounce of my being

And i wont stop that

Im giving him hugs left and right this man needs some love

I feel like once i start cracking dark humor jokes he'd open up to me

100% would be making the most absurd worst dad jokes and laughing about it

We'd text on the daily mostly just me sending him memes and him sending a 👍🏻or a 👎🏻

Im stealing his hoodies and his masks

Id probably piss him the fuck off to be honest

Id give him so many gifts to make him happy i know he crinkle's his eyes when he smiles

In the blunt rotation too but i think he'd just join for the company and not smoke that much

Id be over in his room if im overstimulated and i don't want to deal with people

Id have him proof read my fanfiction and he'd be my personal dictionary cause i cant spell for shit

Gaz

Did i say big brother vibes cause HE WILL BE MY BIG BROTHER

Id steal his hat so many times but like not in the ride a cowboy kind of way

Id buy him the most ridiculous hats and he will 100% wear them

I feel like he was a spondgebob kid so i know damn well we'll be quoting some of the lines

Part of the blunt rotation as well

When I'm upset he's the one id rant to

Definitely would vibe in a room without talking to him in general

He's most definitely the one to keep me from being unhinged

Totally would listen to murder podcasts together

So at my previous job we had to wear full body harnesses and we played this game called the carabiniere game where you take a carabiniere and hook it on to someone without them knowing and you see who can put the most on them

Soap, gaz, and i would be playing it 100% all the time with each other.

Id also grab them by the harness and pull them around or clip myself to them

Let me get a video from my old job and just put em here and id just explain

Okay back to writing

Laswell

Once again id call her mom and she's just gonna have to deal with it

Id definitely spend time with her outside of work (especially since she lives in maryland my family lives up there) which gives me more of a reason to visit her lol

Shopping sprees i feel like she's a frequent shopper at tj maxx and target

I also feel like she gives the best life advice so id come calling if im in a predicament

Okay so i am partially fluent in spanish, my god mother and best friend are Mexican so I've been around Mexican culture the majority of my life

Alejandro

definitely calls me niña or cariño

I feel like he'd roast my spanish and doesn't correct me if i say something wrong

100% my drinking buddy

I feel like he'd be very protective over me

Id be his date (platonically) and hed be mine to all the family gatherings

Fucking Mexican families are so much fun too. party my tia throws one and im there two shots of tequila in my hand listening and damcing to music

We'd text on the daily i feel like he'd frequently visit me and my family in the south as well he'd be the life of the party at my tia's parties

Rudy

He's the one that corrects my spanish and WILL only speak spanish to me until I understand whst he's saying

Insert him pointing to a random object and says it in spanish

I feel like we wouldnt bond much but we would you know?

I also feel like he gives great life advice

Graves

Id kick him in the balls

He's the type of guy i avoid or ruin his reputation

Absolutely despise him

Completely roast that motherfucker

Drop kick him

He pisses me off so much

Gives off leo and cancer energy

OHOHOHOHHH AND AT THE BETRAYAL SCENE DONT GET ME STARTED

Id 100% try to fight him even before Alejandro would

Tbh id probably get killed by one of his shadows bc of it

König

Sweet babe i would help him through an axiety attack

PIGGY BACK RIDES FOR SURE

id hug him every-time i see him

Definitely would say uppies and have him put me on his shoulders

He definitely wont see me at all ( im 5'4) so he would definitely have to crouch down to see me

His nickname would be bear cause of how big he is

I feel like when he'’s comfortable around you he’s very out going

I have no clue how to speak german but i will act like i do

He's in the blunt rotation as well

Thats all i got for now 😊

[manicali]

Still bored so Ima just answer them all here

1: Reading, Moving a lot as a kid, idk anything else.

2:

Top is cursive bottom is normal i usually use cursive

3: The lord of the rings trilogy.

4: My brother once said he’d have a kid named Lawnmower John, the second one Jarface and the third You Are Not Better Than My Childhood Cat. Running joke since.

5: Pukicho. I joined tumblr cause of Pinterest screenshots of Pukicho posts.

6: Best is all the new friends I’ve made. Worst is the stupid shit people say.

7: Dying in my sleep and a lack of control

8: Yes and it’s mildly prophetic. Every once in awhile I have a dream that everyone thinks I’m dead. Im near a forest, and there’s a treehouse, with s boy my age in it. We become friends, the dream ends when the trees have eyes. The boy is always different and I always meet him later.

9: Uhhh. I can’t really remember any fun ones just boring shit but apparently my grandfather called that I’d be trans when I was two in front of my religious conservative dad.

10: I try not to be.

11: I don’t know. Whatever you want it to be I guess

12: Literally nobody cares. Do what you want dress how you like nobody gives a shit. If they do that’s just sad, get a life.

13: laying in bed

14: Get more piercings and eventually a tattoo. The first I need to save up for the second I can get once Im 16.

15: Surrounded by cats.

16: I would be emotionally and physically like 20 times stronger. Im weak

17: Friends,My Boyfriend <3 and Cats.

18: Ghosts Im iffy on Extraterrestrials yes. Obviously in the infinite universe there’s other living things. May they be microbes or have a whole society.

19: 0/10 fuck the sun.

20: Stars and quiet and it’s so pretty

21: No.

22: My day is literally 100 times better when I think about you. You’re beautiful and wonderful. I would literally die for you.

23: You’re a hypothetical, lying bitch I would kill you if I could you disgusting wretch. You are a stain on society and I will celebrate your death.

24: Chappel Roan cake.

25: Autumn. Basic I know, but it’s beloved for a damn reason who doesn’t love cozy sweaters, hot beverages and Halloween.

26: Red like blood.

27: Manic, Ali, my last name, bunny, insane person, smart girl.

28: Pens. I have many pens.

29: Make a sandwich and Watch gravity falls.

30: Danny Gonzalez Songs.

31:I want things organized so bad but I’m too lazy.

32: 179

35: No, what kind of idiot puts blind faith in people. I test to see if people are trustworthy.

33: Drawing and being insane

34: Hypocrites. (Ironically I am one cause I tell my friends to take care of themselves and be healthy and then I don’t do that)

36: Walls

37: I’d rather not. (Top of my head can’t think of any)

38: Not Allowed by TV Girl.

39: Danny Gonzalez. Why? Bizzare screenshots.

Like this.

40: Every thing I donis a bad habit

questions I think would be fun to be asked

what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?

show us a picture of your handwriting?

3 films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of?

what’s an inside joke you have with your family or friends?

what made you start your blog?

what’s the best and worst part of being online/a creator?

what scares you the most and why?

any reacquiring dreams?

tell a story about your childhood

would you say you’re an emotional person?

what do you consider to be romance?

what’s some good advice you want to share?

what are you doing right now?

what’s something you’ve always wanted to do but maybe been to scared to do?

what do you think of when you hear the word “home”?

if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

name 3 things that make you happy

do you believe in ghosts and/or aliens?

favourite thing about the day?

favourite things about the night?

are you a spiritual person?

say 3 things about someone you love

say 3 things about someone you hate

what’s one thing you’re proud of yourself for?

fave season and why?

fave colour and why?

any nicknames?

do you collect anything?

what do you do when you’re sad?

what’s one thing that never fails to make you happy/happier?

are you messy or organised?

how many tabs do you have open right now?

any hobbies?

any pet peeves?

do you trust easily?

are you an open book or do you have walls up?

share a secret

fave song at the moment?

youtuber you’ve been obsessed with and why?

any bad habits?

(this post was stolen from @teenage-mutant-ninja-freak, since it couldn't be reblogged anymore)

[troglobite]

lkajsdf

oh my fUCKING. GOD. I'M SO FUCKING TIRED.

"the air filter in the fridge needs to be replaced"

[angrily and as though i've asked the world of her in 10 seconds flats] "okay, i'll take care of it TODAY"

???????????????

"i'm literally just passing along information. the door alert is in tiny font and it's hard to read so i didn't know if you'd see it, and i JUST saw it, so i was LETTING YOU KNOW. THAT'S IT."

i got upset abt the vacuum being difficult to work with and i was asking A SPECIFIC QUESTION and INSTEAD OF FUCKING ANSWERING she just asked me REPEATEDLY what i'm trying to do!

CONTRARY TO YOUR POPULAR BELIEF, I DO ACTUALLY KNOW HOW TO USE HOME CLEANING INSTRUMENTS

THIS ONE IS NEW AND IT'S A PIECE OF SHIT AND IT'S MAKING ME UPSET SO I'M ASKING A VERY SPECIFIC QUESTION TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING COULD YOU JUST ANSWER IT

then of course she did my favorite thing

she jumped shipped to a completely separate thing that i wasn't thinking about

she KNOWS that i am COMPLETELY FUCKING OVERWHELMED as my base status right now and she did the ONE THING THAT FUCKING ALWAYS OVERWHELMS ME: asks me a complicated question while i'm DOING SOMETHING ELSE UNRELATED.

so i tell her just to hang on and let me think

AND INSTEAD OF LETTING ME FUCKING DO THAT

she walks away to retrieve SHIT THAT I DON'T NEED and says "here are three options which one do you want"

I DON'T KNOW! BECAUSE I'M DOING SOMETHING AND I'M TRYING TO SWITCH GEARS TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO ANSWER THIS QUESTION AND MOVE ONTO THE NEXT THING!!!!

"okay i'll just leave them here"

gREAT thanks i'm SOOOOOO FUCKING GLAD that you did that FOR NOTHING because AS I WAS TRYING TO SAY i needed to figure out if i even needed them at fucking all

and now! turns out! I DON'T NEED THEM!!!! WHICH YOU WOULD'VE FUCKING KNOWN IF YOU HAD JUST FUCKING WAITED FIVE GODDAMN MINUTES

i WAS going to hang my pictures and build a piece of furniture today and possibly hang my curtains so i can be NOT FUCKING MISERABLY HOT in my room EVERY FUCKING DAY but no, i'm not going to do that anymore.

i'm a little tetchy and she is MONSTROUSLY ANNOYED WITH ME. i refuse to fucking deal with that.

yesterday she got fucking angry at me because i made a joke abt how she NEVER says "bless you" to me when i sneeze. turned into an entire fucking argument with her acting like i'm INSANE for saying it and she tried to ACCUSE me of being awful for it bc i'm not religious and it's a religious saying??? WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING POINT???

i'm tired, burnt out, overwhelmed, hot, miserable, in pain and uncomfortable 24 FUCKING 7, and i just wanted to do some chores today. i got frustrated and confused about the vacuum and now i'm just the world's worst person.

i'm so fucking sick and tired of her taking it out on me just because i'm the one who lives here.

i'm tired of being the worst thing that ever happened to her.

i'm tired of everything. i don't want to be alive.

every time i start crying, all she sees/hears is my aunt, who she fucking hates and has ptsd from.

every time i'm disabled and need help, all she sees/hears is my grama, who's stubborn and difficult and won't help herself sometimes, and who's really dependent on her--and who still is despite living with my mom's brothers, now, isntead of a house my mom owns.

every time i make a neutral observation or comment or joke, all she sees/hears is my dad being manipulative and judgmental and distrustful of her.

every time i argue or mention a technicality, all she sees/hears is me being condescending and judgmental instead of just neutrally offering information that, if i'm wrong abt, i will happily say "oh whoops i was wrong"

everything i need or feel or think or say just makes her think of someone she hates, whether or not it's fair at all. but she thinks she has ALLLLLLL of her trauma under control--and more than that, that she's not traumatized at all.

meanwhile i had a full fucking nervous system meltdown without any psychological input or Feeling from me at the mere MENTION of having to be alone again for any stretch of time, proving that this summer fucking traumatized me, and all that happened was i was alone for weeks in a house filled with spiders. that's it. that's all that happened. and the mere THOUGHT of being alone again in this house made my autonomic system go into fucking panic/meltdown mode. it happened literally right in front of her and i said, through tears, "i'm not emotionally freaking out, this is happening without my input, all that happened was i thought abt being alone again" i literally narrated it for her and said "it's fine, of course you can go to oregon for a long weekend, you should, my brain got so scared i would be alone for another week again, that's all"

but she thinks she's not traumatized by 1. 20+ years of an emotionally manipulative relationship with someone who had his own unresolved trauma 2. having to care for her also kind of manipulative deeply stubborn and difficult mother who physically abused her as a child including bathing her and changing her diapers for weeks 3. being abandoned by her siblings to care for their mother and their adoptive sister who's mentally ill, has TBI from childhood, and multiple addictions and damage from those addictions, and her young son.

somehow she thinks she only RECENTLY acquired trauma from my aunt, and not over the last 10+ years of this shit.

and there's literally fucking nothing i can do but sit here and be a punching bag and be treated like i'm the worst person on the planet

and then when i FOR LEGITIMATE REASONS feel that way, again, all she sees is my dad emotionally manipulating and abusing her.

literally the other night i sat down w my dinner and went "ah shit i forgot the A1" and she goes "//sigh. okay."

and. STOOD. UP???

i just fucking LOOKED at her fucking BAFFLED. i literally said "what are you doing?"

and she goes "i'm getting the sauce for you. it's easier for me to get up, anyway. and i could get some water."

and i had to say "just to be clear i was going to get it myself, i literally did not ask you to do this or even remotely expect you to."

and she just. fucking did it anyway.

and she does this ALL THE TIME. case in fucking point, when she left and grabbed 3 of something for me THAT I WAS TRYING TO MAKE SURE I EVEN FUCKING NEEDED

i did not ask her to

she jumped the gun

she didn't listen to me

she didn't respect the fact that i needed to think

she just DID IT and now i don't need them

and she's going to RESENT ME for it

even though I DIDN'T FUCKING ASK HER TO DO THAT

literally those bullet points on the list of things i wanted to do today that i shared w her? they have QUESTION MARKS. BECAUSE I WASN'T SURE. nothing else has a question mark!!!!

FUCKING STOP RUNNING AT A MILLION FUCKING MILES AN HOUR. STOP ASSUMING I'M AN EVIL MASTERMIND WHO EXPECTS YOU TO DO EVERYTHING. JUST FUCKING STOP.

it's fucking MADDENING.

i wish i was fucking dead so she would deal w her shit instead of putting it all on me and acting like she's fucking fine. i'm tired.

all she sees me as is someone who embodies and encapsulates everything she hates about everyone else who's hurt her.

and we've had normal arguments and ups and downs and growing pains, but holy fucking SHIT. i haven't DONE those things to her! i'm not responsible for them!

i'm not my aunt or my grama just bc i'm mentally ill & disabled. i'm not my dad just bc i Experience Emotions and look vaguely like him. i'm not my brother just bc i share information or occasionally correct something.

i'm my own person w my own fucking flaws and problems and i'm tired of sitting here with this fucking knowledge abt how she treats me and she won't ever reflect on it or care.

whenever she gets depressed and in a bad mood, i'm the punching bag who represents everything and everybody she hates in the world and she doesn't even realize it.

what the fuck am i supposed to do with that? it makes it so i can't ever have bad times or be doing badly. when she's like this it's literally like i have nobody in the fucking world who gives a shit and can help me.

it's like literally no one on planet earth understands me or cares.

and i'm just. not worth it.

my jokes are mean, everything i say and do is judgmental and/or condescending, i'm selfish, i'm lazy, i'm awful. i'm dead weight. i'm worthless. i fucking get it. i'm not worth knowing, i'm not worth supporting. i'm not worth the effort it takes to look at your own shit and stop hurting me. i'm not worth a fraction of the effort i put in to try to not be awful to everyone around me, to try and grow as a person.

but i just don't even have a clear image of who or what i am because no one around me knows or cares or sees me as anything but One Thing or the same as other ppl and they don't investigate that at all.

literally had a friend who said she walked on eggshells around me when i would get upset--just like she does with her sister. meanwhile, i coludn't understand why she thought that of me. i literally asked, we had a normal conversation abt it. but at no point did she realize that comparing me to her sister was her OWN fucking problem. i don't have unmedicated bipolar disorder. i don't barge into her room screaming at her. i would get mildly upset and use swear words for dramatic or humorous flair. and at no point did she ever express any discomfort with it.

but also at no point did i give her or anyone else any reason to walk on eggshells around me. and what's fucking crazy is i explicitly asked for them to just ASK ME what i wanted or needed or how i was doing.

and nobody ever did it. they never asked me any questions like that, even after that.

ppl take their shit and put it on me and i'm just supposed to deal with it because I'M the asshole if i suggest they go to therapy or make that connection FOR them.

but i can sit here and make the connections btwn my trauma and bullying growing up and how my friends are behaving, and logically go "this isn't the same thing, but this is why i'm so upset and hurt by it" and try and communicate abt it while setting that trauma/baggage aside bc otherwise it's deeply unfair.

but no one else will do ANYTHING of the sort for me.

i am just the blank slate upon which they project all of their hatred and unexamined trauma. and that's all i'll ever be.

it's impossible to feel like a person, like a full person, when your disability and the pandemic shrink your world to nothing, and then your disabilities get WORSE and your world shrinks EVEN MORE (typing this is killing my hands, but what the fuck else am i going to do? i don't have anyone to talk to, and even if i did, it would still be typed), and the only ppl around you project their own shit onto you instead of trying to see you as you are.

i'm not perfect i don't see it all there's shit i do and feel that's definitely based in trauma that i don't have a full grasp on, and it took me weeks and happenstance to make the specific connection btwn my bullying & childhood trauma to how my friends were behaving and why it felt So Fucking Bad.

but i'm just. not worth any ounce of that effort in return. not even when i point it out or ask for things or lay things out. nothing changes. there's no discussion. i'm tired. i'm just simply not worth any of this. i'm not worth it. i'm not worth any effort. i'm just not.

and the fact that i'm effort always, regardless of what it is. like fucking christ alive. it's dirty, shitty, lousy work. and no one wants to do it.

and my therapist wants me to do dating apps. my mom's only suggestion to me is to find a partner.

doing that is literally the site and source of like 80% of my fucking trauma in life. there's a fucking pandemic. i'm in the middle of trying to figure out everything medically wrong with me so i can NOT be in CONSTANT PAIN. so i can maybe NOT be 500% burnt out every fucking day of my life, now.

but yeah, let's do the thing that distills down all of the social stuff that has ever traumatized me in my life and expose me to more trauma.

i'm sure my therapist is still pissed at me for not switching to the one she vetted for me. i legitimately had $80 at one point this week, and then i got lucky--got a tax credit & a pay check in the same week. and this new therapist is more expensive than her. and i'm not opposed to switching. but i'm just literally so exhausted.

i wanted to do so much today and now my mom is just. primed and ready to be mad at me.

she found out the thing she has is only a screwdriver and not a drill, meanwhile weeks and weeks ago i told her, don't we need a drill and not a screwdriver to hang my curtains? she said no it's fine.

now here we are, and lo and behold.

but don't worry, i'm a childlike idiot moron dipshit fucker who's worthless and lazy and stupid and doesn't know anything, like how to use vacuums.

what's the fucking point of anything

[harmonyckrs]

DAY 13 of Twisted Strangetown: Two Birds, One Drone

THE PREVIOUS DAY

*BZZT. ZOOM.*

Melody: There is he. That motherfucker, chilling inside of that house.

Melody: Now would be a perfect time to kill him. Flo never requested it, but she did say to make sure he was silent, and quite frankly, I'm not in the mood to fly this drone 24/7 just to keep an eye on him.

Melody: Three, two-

Lola: CHLOE! I TOLD YOU NOT TO FLY DRONES AROUND THE HOUSE AGAIN!

*CRASH*

Melody: What the fuck! Someone just knocked my drone down?...I guess I'll have to call Zephyr to get it for me...

*RING*

Zoya: (Melody's calling me?...I'm just going to ignore that for now.)

Harper: So, Kristen. What do you think? Do you want to avenge Erin's death and take out the Smiths for us?

Kristen: I mean...how do I know you two aren't lying? And they're all super sweet! I really don't think it's them...how do I know it's not one of you two who killed Erin, huh?

Harper: I hacked into the SCIA's security system and I was able to get documents. They go into a lot of detail about Erin's death, though...Mr. Smith was not easy on her...I can't bear to describe it, but I can find the documents and read out the-

Kristen: NO! It's fine. I'll...figure something out. But what do you two get out of this?

Harper: Well, Erin was a beloved friend of ours! It's so rare to find someone that I can talk about crystals and stuff with.

Zoya: Yeah, and we used to do yoga together.

*RING RING*

Zoya: (Geez, Melody, calm down. Whatever you're calling for can't be that urgent.)

Kristen: Okay...sounds fair to me.

Zoya: Great! Now, if you excuse me, I have a phone call I need to take...

Melody: Yo. Gilbert. I need you to do me a favor.

Gilbert: Yes? What's going on?

Melody: Someone broke my drone that I was going to use to kill Lazlo, but I just came to an epiphany about something. You know that gay wedding order you got?

Gilbert: The one from Lazlo's brother?...oh! Listen, Melody. I get what you're doing, but that's going to be a no from me. It'd be really bad for business, and I don't want to kill any more people than I need to.

Melody: Are there no modification requests or anything?

Gilbert: Yes, but it's only for lactose intolerance. That won't kill them, and it'll still be bad for business.

Melody: Ugh.

Gilbert: Besides, I don't like tampering with my father's recipes. If I don't follow them to a T, I'll burn the venue down. And that's going to be even worse for business.

Melody: Ugh! You're so boring.

Gilbert: Can't you just get the drone repaired? Or ask Flo. She's going to be at the wedding too because they ordered flower arrangements.

Melody: (Flo, Jenny and Lazlo in the same place, huh?...I've got to find a way to get inside! I don't want to miss out on all of the drama that's going to come out of that!)

Melody: (Now to call Zephyr again...)

Crystal: And then he said he was removing everyone's plus one just so I couldn't be able to attend the wedding! It's like I live rent free in his head!

Abhijeet: Wow, he seems like a bitch!

Crystal: But jokes on him, because while he's busy with his wedding planning and hosting his shitty wedding party, I'm going to break into Circe's house and get my one million dollars!

Abhijeet: You go, girl! I hope his wedding's as shitty as he is!

Lazlo: !!!

Crystal: Totally! He's genuinely one of the worst people I've ever met, and his boyfriend is even worse! They're basically perfect for each other.

Lazlo: >:(

Crystal: Dude, you don't need to ride-or-die for your family anymore. I haven't talked to mine in ages, and I'm doing great!

Abhijeet: Mine are all dead!

Crystal: Exactly! And since I'm the only child, I still get to inherit all of SimCity once my dad eventually passes over! I know fully well he's not going to hand it back to the people.

Crystal: Anyway Lazlo, what was it you were trying to tell me?...a note?...alright. Let me see...you want me to help you reverse the curse? I can't help you with that. Just kill two people like she requested.

Lazlo: ?!

Crystal: Oh, right. Yeah, Abby and I were at her house when she was cursing you and we heard everything...stop giving me that face! I'm not happy about Jenny being killed either, but there's nothing we can do.

Abhijeet: Yeah! Absolutely no-

*CREAK*

Crystal: (Shoot! Zephyr and Harper are here early! I'll just...throw something at him real quick so it looks like we're fighting!)

Crystal: Haha! Gotcha! Water balloon fight!

Abhijeet: That's, um, hilarious, Crystal! Torment him more!

Harper: Ooh! I wanna go next! I have so many objects in my purse.

Zephyr: Let's not. We'll have to clean up the mess after, and you know how Flo is about that...and besides, should Lazlo really be here after what he did last meeting?

Abhijeet: Chill out. What's he going to do, tell people?

Zephyr: He already did! Melody told me he was using paper.

Crystal: Oh. Well...I guess we can talk about it more after the meeting.

TO BE CONTINUED...

[nikkisixxsgirlfriend]

this must be the place

being one of the byers/hoppers (headcannons)

jonathon

you aways gotta fight him for the bathroom cause he wants to spend twenty minutes on his hair to impress nancy

typical sibling fights including light punching and dramatic fake injuries

will always have your back no matter what

will punch ppl for you

when youre feeling down he'll sit with you and talk

you always catch nancy escaping out of his window and use it as blackmail against him

would give you the shirt off his back

always lends you his music and plays songs he knows you like in the car

will drive you anywhere in that old car,any time of day

will save up his money to get you and will good gifts

not one for hugs or saying i love you on the regular but he'll still accept if you do that

s4 jonathon would tell you to stay away from drugs and then go get high w argyle

argyle is also like a second older brother to you

jonathon makes sure everyone looks after and protects you even if you dont need it

nearly beat steve to a pulp in s1 cause he said something mean about you

teams up with you to glare at mike

isnt the best at school but still tries to help you with your work

will watch obscure artsy movies with you

cooks for your family every day

does not get into sibling fights,like he physically cant get mad at you

threatens each person you go on a date with

will make sure you get enough sleep every night even though he hasnt slept in years

takes photos of you and the rest of the byers

you give him the worst nicknames and that mfer will just sit there and say nothing

will mock any school related parties or activities unless you join them in which case he will be incredibley supportive

joyce

will have jonathon spy on you 24/7

she trusts your judgement in your friends and your dates but is still weary

never lets you come home alone

always supportive

is always there for you

her hugs are like hugging a cloud

always has a huge smile when she sees you

would die for you and your siblings

whispers that youre her favourite and then does that to will and jonathon

the type to take a million photos before your prom

when youre off to like save the world she'll hold your face and hug you and squeeze your cheeks so much its suffocating

is always scared shes gonna lose you guys so she gets terrified when something happens

would beat up a 4yo if they were mean to you

gives you your space when you need it

will let you borrow her clothes

always wants to make sure you're okay

sometimes she'll be up in the middle of the night at the kitchen table and when she sees you she'll make you something hot to drink as you guys talk

works incredibley long hours so she can provide for you guys

would give you the shirt off her back and pants

if you had a cold she would lose her mind tryna take care of you

she isnt the best cook ngl but she'll always try to make you something you guys like

does those excited little mom screams when something good happens

will tell hopper every little detail about you when he comes over

hopper

isnt exactly your dad but also is definitely your dad

will straight up arrest anyone who bothers you

calls every person you date a punk and tries to threaten them

trusts your judgement but it still an overprotective dad

confused about everything but always has the spirit

will let you and your siblings eat absolute trash when joyce is out

will sit with you and tell you stories to calm your nerves

"can i borrow this?" "keep it"

says you cant date till youre 50

if youre going through an emo phase or smth he'll ask you a million questions and still be confused

makes little jokes about everyone with you

will warn you about 'guys like eddie' then when he gets to know them he'll secretly like them

quit alot of his bad habits when he started living with you guys

stops himself in the middle of angry rants and reminds himself to be calm for you guys

will jump in harms way to protect you guys

if youre sick he'll still send you to school with no hesitation

stops before he does anything risky to remind himself of you guys and make sure hes doing this for the right reasons

him and joyce cant go a day without being around you guys

murray ends up being your weird conspiracy theory uncle,and enzo ends up being a 'weirdly hot friend of your dads' according to nancy

teams up with Jonathon to threaten the people you date so you cant leave them alone with your dad or brother,ever

"when i was your age-"

will

will try to stick up for you only to end up getting himself bullied

you always stick up for him

youre always talking to him tryna comfort him

you are there 24/7 for this boi

hes always drawing stuff for you

and will annoy you to no end about his dorky fantasy stuff

tries to teach you dnd

cannot cook.like absolutely has no skill in the kitchen

is painfully uncoordinated and you try to stifle your laughs when he trips for the fifth time that day

you try to help him understand his feelings because quite frankly he doesnt understand them himself

loves you more than everyone else because you treat him normally

you call him a nerd and he calls you a whale,the daily routine.

you give him your own music reccomendations

you always make fun of his haircut and he proceeds to violate you with insults

he'll wear your clothes and then once hes already got them on he'll ask if he can borrow them

you both always make eachother laugh

when hes done being ominous you make fun of his scribble drawings and imitate his posessed moments which earns a scolding from joyce

he will lip sync to every song you play

jonathon will be in the drivers seat looking serious ash and you and Will will be jamming in the backseat

you always listen to his nerdy ramblings and roll your eyes but when christmas or his birthday rolls around you always get him something hes been ranting about

on his birthday you make sure everyone knows.you throw a massive party and invite practically everyone.

if anyones mean to him you and jonathon are prepared for murder a good talking to

you make fun of his crush on mike and he proceeds to steal all of your favourite clothes,forcing you to wear a shirt from when you were nine years old with a cartoon on it to school

he tries to act all grown up when he gets to highschool so you have to act extra childish to make up for it on his part

will give you the food on his plate,but not the shirt off his back cause hes self conscious

always wants to go to amusement parks with your family and every fourth of july he forces you guys outside to watch the fireworks

eventually you and jonathon just bought will the fireworks and every year you guys sit on the porch as him and his dorky friends light em up

jane/eleven

always smiling,no matter what

will tell you all about her day or about a story she heard with this incredible excitement

refuses to eat much else besides eggos

will rummage through your things looking for clothes to wear and leave your room a mess not even knowing

has sleepovers with max every week

one time max left her lipstick and jane used it to draw

thus resulting in you teaching her makeup

you always lend her your music

you teach her new words and lend her your books all the time

she speaks through movies but you dont mind because frankly its adorable

when angela makes fun of her she thinks its some weird way of being friends so you chopped off all of angelas hair

you will and jonathon are always at her side

you compliment her every day

every time she sees you she has this huge smile and waves like crazy

you hug her 24/7 because shes just so precious well minus the murder

you brush and braid her hair every night and she'll tell you about something new she learned

does those word of a day things

she tried making breakfast once,it was bad,real bad but you still ate it all,egg shells and burntness, just because of how happy she looked

you absolutely hate mike because hes a dick to your little sister so hopper and you always try to keep her away from him

she always wants you to paint her nails in the wildest colours

her,will and eddie really get along

but when he played her metallica she had this huge look of confusion on her face "is that really music?"

fav ice cream is mint chocolate chip,shes insane

refuses to let a bad day get to her

cut her hair like that cause "i want to look like joyce"

if you ever swear or use 'slang' she'll repeat what you say with a smile and say it all day earning a laugh from hop and another lecture from joyce

[lunarfleur]

Fluff Alphabet ~ Keith “Two-bit” Mathews

This is x gender neutral reader!

A = Affection (What’s their primary way of showing they care?)

Much like Soda, Two-bit is one if the physically affectionate boys. He likes holding you, likes sharing, loves kisses…so on and so forth.

Keith likes to steal you things he thinks you might like. Maybe it’s a book, or maybe it’s a record. He takes anything that reminds him of you, which is everything.

B = body (what’s their favorite part of your body?)

Two-bit’s a thigh guy. Need I say more?

He loves when you wear shorts and skirts, basically anything that gives him a good view of them. And the bigger the better. He’s that one guy who wants to be crushed by his girl’s thighs. He definitely thinks that’s a hell of a way to die.

C = cuddling (how do they like to cuddle?)

When you cuddle with Two-bit, there really isn’t a big or little spoon. It’s just a mix of limbs. Y’all are just tangled together and content in each other’s personal space. It’s very comfortable though. He likes holding onto you.

Also, giggly cuddles. He likes to have tickle fights until neither of you are able to breath. Like it has both of you wheezing, Two-bit ends up on the floor somehow.

D = dates (what does a date with them look like?)

Two-bit likes simple dates like going to diners and stuff. He likes taking you out and talking with you and sharing his things with you. He’s generous and honestly just the best guy to go on a date with.

E = Emotions (how do they express emotion around you?)

It’s always pretty easy to tell how he feels, at least for you. When he’s happy he smiles and laughs like always. But when he’s upset he gets really quiet and very serious. He isn’t good at pretending to feel one way when he actually feels another, so even if he wanted to hide his emotions he wouldn’t be able to.

F = Family (do they want one? If they do, when?)

Of course he wants one. When you’re both out if school and married happily. He wants children to prove to both himself and you that he isn’t like his father. That’s what he wants, to be Keith. Not his dad.

G = Gifts (how do they feel about gift giving? What are their habits when it comes to this?)

Spontaneous, random gifts he steals for you all the time. He takes anything and everything he thinks you might like, and whatever reminds him of you.

H = Holding Hands (when/how do they like to hold hands?)

He doesn’t love or hate hand holding. He’d rather keep and arm around your waist, but if for someone reason he can’t (or you don’t want him to) hand holding is the next best choice.

I = Injury (how would they act if you got hurt?)

He gets really serious and quiet. He suddenly feels incapable of telling jokes or laughing. He’s pissed at whoever did it, pissed at himself for not being there. But once he wraps his head around the situation, he lightens up and works hard to get you smiling again.

J = Jokes (do they like to joke around with or prank you? how?)

Do I even need to answer this question? Of course he likes joking around with you. Pranks are your guy’s thing. To him, it isn’t a relationship if you guys are laughing 24/7.

K = Kisses (how do they like to kiss you?)

Lip and cheek kisses are what he gives most. He kisses you whenever he feels like it. Even if someone’s in the middle of talking to him.

He also smiles through all his kisses. The thought of kissing you makes him smile, so he smiles every single time he kisses you.

L = Love (how do they tell you they love you?)

If we’re talking verbally, then he tells you when he feels like it. He looks you in the eyes and smiles and says, “I love you, doll,” then he kisses you and makes a joke.

M = Memento (Are they sentimental? Do they keep reminders of you?)

Two-bit steals things that remind him of you and keeps them. So whenever he looks at said thing he thinks of you and he gets all smiley.

N = Nightmare (what is their worst fear?)

It’s either:

1)that he’s going to be a dead beat like his dad

Or…

2)he’ll stick around, but be a shitty person to everyone he cares about.

O = Oddity (what is one quirk they have?)

He won’t date someone who won’t watch Mickey with him. He just won’t. Two-bit will physically drag you into the living room and force you to watch Mickey with him. There’s no escaping it.

P = Pet Names (what do they like to call you?)

Baby, darling, and doll. He keeps it equal pretty between the three, as well.

Q = Quality Time (how do they like to spend time with you?)

Either watching TV with you or just laughing. He likes making and hearing jokes, but he loves laughing at them with you.

R = Rhythm (what song reminds you of them?)

My Girl by The Temptations.

I just feel like it fits, ya know?

S = Secrets (how open are they with you?)

Two-bit likes honesty and hates keeping things from you. He wants to know everything about anything. As long as any problems get solved and you’re both happy, he’s okay.

T = Time (how long did it take you to get together?)

Not long at all, actually. Two-bit didn’t dance around the fact that he had feelings for you. He was open about being interested in you. And who doesn’t like Two-bit Mathews?

U = Upset (how do they act when you’re upset?)

He just stands there and listens. He doesn’t know what to do, so when you’re done ranting he makes joke after joke to get you to smile. He kisses you and smothers you until you forget about what upset you in the first place.

V = Vaunt (what are they proud of? Do they like to show you off?)

He shows you off by having you with him. He’s proud to be your’s. He would scream to the world that he belongs to you. Two-bit Mathews is a happily taken man.

W = Wildcard (What’s a random relationship headcanon?)

Y’all would get drunk together so often. You go to parties together and drink until you can’t stand and he has to carry you home.

X = X-Ray (how well are they able to read you?)

It’s not really reading you. He just senses the vibes are not it and he’s like, “what’s goin on?”

Y = Yearn (What makes them miss you?)

When he randomly thinks of a joke he wants you to hear but you’re not there to hear it. He thinks about how much you would’ve loved it. Then he’s like :(.

Z = Zeal (what gets them excited?)

Seeing you laugh and smile. I can not express this enough:Two-bit gets lost in your laugh. It gives him butterflies.

[yanderecrazysie]

Hii Bestie !!

I wondering if I could request the Yandere Alphabet for Bokuto if you haven’t done that already.

💜

HEY BESTIE! I'd love to! Bokuto reminds me so much of an overeager puppy- it's precious-

Bokuto Koutarou (Haikyuu) -The Yandere Alphabet

🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉

Warnings: yandere themes, slight mentions of marking and spanking

A is for Affection: How do they show their affection for their darling? How often do they show it? 💖 Bokuto is the epitome of affectionate. This boy wants to cuddle, kiss, hold hands, WHATEVER he can do 24/7. 💖 Although he'll want to cuddle against you and hold you bone-crushingly close, this boy can also get a little rough. His kisses can be kind of bruising and he'll want to mark up your neck a lot. B is for Blood: How messy are they willing to get for their darling? Why? 🔪 Although I can picture Bokuto being willing to fight anyone who wants to hurt you or take you away, I actually can't see him trying to kill anyone. He's pretty sure he's the best of the best, so it's not like any of those other guys can steal you away from HIM! C is for Care or Cruelty: How would they treat their darling when they kidnap them? Would they mock them? 💔 Bokuto wouldn't mock you. In fact, he'd just be over the MOON about having you with him. You'd be smothered in kisses and crushed in his hugs. He's not going to want to make you feel bad! 💔 Bokuto is the BEST at taking care of you! He knows everything you love and he's willing to get/do ANYTHING just for you! D is for Delusion: How delusional are they when it comes to their darling? Do they believe their darling loves them? 💭 Bokuto is very, very delusional. Like, this boy sees a perfect future with you and he has no doubts that you're both going to get there soon. 💭 He's like the greatest??? You couldn't turn HIM down! He's the amazing ace- Akaashi thinks he's great so you do too! Right? Of course! E is for Expose: How much of their heart do they bear to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling? How much time will it take to trust them? 💧 Bokuto doesn't shut up about his feelings. Going into emo mode? Check. Whining about how much he needs your attention? Check. Letting you know just how much he adores you? Check. 💧 They talk about being an open book but Bokuto is a book you'd want to CLOSE after a while. Like seriously- he. Won't. Shut. Up. F is for Fight: How would they react if their darling fought back? 👊 Cue "kicked-puppy" noise. He's going to stare up at you with wide, watering eyes. You've gotta be completely heartless if you don't feel the TINIEST bit of guilt when you see his heartbroken expression. 👊 "I-it's okay (Y/n), I forgive you, I love you, please don't fight me, please..." he's all but begging you, even after you stop fighting. He's clinging to you and sobbing into your shirt. 👊 Your flailing fists and feet aren't actually going to do any damage to that buff man but just the idea of fighting against him leaves tons of emotional scars in your wake. G is for Guilt: What would it take for them to feel guilty about their actions? Or do they feel guilty from the start? 😔 Bokuto feels bad that he went to the extremes. He KNOWS it's so so so wrong... but it feels so so so right. He LOVES you and that's the best thing, right? That makes up for everything, right? 😔 He won't ever regret his love for you though. If he has you in the end it'll be worth everything and more! No regrets, WOOO! H is for Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them? 🔥 Bokuto can be a little... well... his emotions are extreme and can flip quickly. So if he's angry enough, you could get hurt. Like, he's not going to seriously injure you, but he'll be rough. You'll be shaking in your shoes for sure. I is for Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling? 👩‍❤️‍👨 If Bokuto has his way, you'll be his pretty little wife and mother of a bunch of his runts. This boy will want at LEAST 3 kids. Like I picture him being that "cool dad" that roughhouses with his little boys and carries them on his back and just jokes around with them. He's practically a giant kid himself sometimes. J is for Jealousy: How easily do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope? 💢 Bokuto gets jealous if your attention is taken away from him. Platonically, romantically, whatever. If someone's

taking your attention and it's not him, he's gonna be PISSED. 💢 Suddenly, Bokuto is 10x needier than he's ever been. He's trying to catch your gaze, interrupting your conversation, clinging to you, etc. 💢 I mean, this boy will get jealous of a video game or TV show or book you're invested in. Not just humans. Animals too... Your attention should be solely on him, ya know! K is for Kidnap: How would they go about kidnapping their darling? How much do they plan it out? 🔒 Bokuto doesn't plan- it just kind of happens. He knew he wanted to take you away from all those attention hogs (ironic) and keep you with him and him only, but he didn't really THINK about it. It just kinda happened. 🔒 Okay, but seriously, I think he might even be more surprised than you when he kidnaps you. Like this guy's just kinda like "WOAHHH This isn't a dream? I actually did this? HEY HEY HEY" L is for Love Letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling? 💌 One moment you're living your normal life, the next moment there's Fukurodani's ace cooing at you and you forgot to say your last goodbyes to that normal life you'll never see again. 💌 I don't think Bokuto knows how to court, to be blunt about it. Like, Akaashi might try to give him some pointers ("You're overwhelming her." "Give her room to breathe." "Try never saying that again. Ever." "Stop, you're crushing her.") but Bokuto's pretty sure he's got this in the bag. M is for Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they acted before? 🎭 Bokuto's emotions are so over the map that no one's going to really tell that he's kind of losing it. Akaashi might be able to tell, but no one else will notice a difference. 🎭 Other than his overwhelming happiness and affection for you. I mean, you'd have to be blind and deaf to not realize Bokuto has a huge crush on you. He's not even remotely subtle. N is for Naughty: How would they punish their darling? 🚓 Bokuto might try to isolate you a bit but if you make him angry- like really piss him off- I think he'd literally just bend you over his lap and spank you. Like, maybe that's weird, but I can really picture him trying to brat-tame you a bit. O is for Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling? What rights can be earned with time and trust? 📜 Although Bokuto's kind of overbearing and suffocating, as long as you're in his line of sight and, preferably, being touched by him, you can do whatever you want. Which... isn't a lot when he's hanging on you 24/7. P is for Patience: How patient are they with their darling? 🕊️ Patience is not one of Bokuto's virtues, unfortunately. If you take too long in the bathroom, he'll come bursting through the door. Like, this boy can't stand a full 5 minutes away from you. Having privacy is not realistic, so don't get your hopes up. Q is for Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on? 🏃‍♀️ If you die Bokuto will go into emo mode for the rest of his life. He will be completely broken without you. He's so lost without you. You know that story where the dog waited by his owner's grave for the rest of his life? That's Bokuto. 🏃‍♀️ "Escape"? Yeah, no. Bokuto gets it, you wanted a little freedom, but it's time to come home, okay? You've already had more than enough time to yourself, so he'll come find you. And once he does, you're sure as hell never leaving again. R is for Rage: How do they act when angry? How do they calm down? 👿 "Explosive rage" is the best way to describe Bokuto's anger. You CANNOT calm him down, so it's best to book it and barricade yourself in a room until he cools down. 👿 If he's mad enough, he could hurt you, so stay the fuck away from him. He'll be throwing and breaking things and just generally yelling his head off. Again, barricade yourself in a room, it's honestly your only hope. S is for Soulmate: What made them fall in love with their darling? How did they first meet? When did they realize they loved their darling? 💍 Bokuto truly is a

love-at-first-sight kind of guy, but he fell in love with you even more as he got to know you. You either met at one of his games or in some sort of shared class. I think that you would have stood out to him in a crowd. T is for Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves? 😭 Each tear falling down your face is another crack in Bokuto's heart. He really does want you to be happy and he can't understand why you aren't. His solution is to just hold you tight until you calm down, which may not help all that much... U is for Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

👌 Bokuto is already kind of different from the others in the way that he's not afraid to put you in your place and he has plans for the future that don't really require your cooperation. He's not changing his mind, no matter how strong your feelings are one way or the other.

👌 Not to mention, he's SUPER clingy. You can't pry him off of you. There's a strong possibility that you'll end up being very, very miserable with Bokuto. He loves you but he isn't willing to compromise or meet halfway on anything. His love is kind of selfish... more so than the average yandere.

V is for Visit: Would they allow anyone else to visit their darling? Do they trust their darling to talk to their loved ones (in person, on the phone, etc.) or not at all?

🧳 Akaashi will be over often. Like, I'm not even going to pretend like Bokuto will doubt his BFF. I really don't think Akaashi will be there to save you, unfortunately...

🧳 But Akaashi doesn't get to touch you. Sorry. You belong to Bokuto and, any attention you give Akaashi, you better give 10 times that to Bokuto.

W is for Weakness: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

❌ You're lucky enough if you can detangle yourself from Bokuto's grip for more than 5 minutes, but, if you do, you can use very few things against him anyways. He's nothing but determined.

❌ If you're delicate and careful about it, you may be able to take advantage of his emotions. Fake sadness to gain his pity or get him so happy that he'll be less likely to deny your requests.

X is for Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

🛐 He's a bit of a worshipper, but not the classic type. He ADORES you and thinks you're absolutely perfect but... he doesn't exactly put your needs above his own. Like I said, he's a bit selfish.

Y is for Yearning: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap? 😍 It depends on how receptive you are to him. If you're trying to distance yourself from him and keep your freedom (or you just aren't interested in him that way), he's going to snap FAST. You'll find yourself in his house before you can say "HEY HEY HEY". 😍 Otherwise, if you start dating him, it'll depend on if you realize the toxicity of your relationship. If you try to break up with him or loosen his suffocating grip, you're in the same boat as if you denied him in the first place. Z is for Zero Tolerance: What is the thing that always makes them snap? What things will they not allow their darling to do under any circumstances? 0️⃣ Leave him. If you deny his affection and love, he will not be happy at ALL. He wants to wrap you up in his arms and never let go. And he really doesn't care if you don't want that. 🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣 THAT TOOK SO LONG I'M SO SORRY- I feel like I portrayed him to be a little worse than he is- he really does love you!

[charlie-pippin-faraday]

House of Anubis birthday headcanons

This is a branch off my previous post where I talked about birthdays and star signs. Now I’m gonna talk about more detailed and ~fun~ headcanons

They are the 1995-96 school year

Nina and Joy are the oldest (I’ve already had lengthy discussions about this, about whether they’re the oldest or youngest. I personally believe they’re the oldest, so that’s what I’m going with in my headcanons). Their birthday is July 7, 1995 (Cancers 🦀). And yes usually July birthdays are on the younger end, but the wiki says Amber’s September birthday and Eddie’s November birthday are 1995, and fall birthdays are definitely on the older end. This means that the January-June birthdays of that year are gonna be in 1996. It’s not totally out of the question for a summer/July birthday to be on the older end instead of the younger one. Because Eddie’s November ‘95 and he’s in their year, they kind of have to be the oldest. So, conclusion: Nina and Joy are the oldest ones in the house

Both Nina and Joy definitely had pool parties for their birthday as kids. One or both of them almost definitely had ice cream cake at least once. Nina also thinks the idea of being in school on her birthday is barbaric

Season 3 is their senior year, meaning it’s the year they’re all turning 18. This is part of the reason Amber was making such a big deal about her birthday in S3; 1) it’s Amber so of course and 2) it was her 18th birthday, so she absolutely wanted it to be special

Because they were all turning 18, Amber wanted to make everyone’s birthday special. She planned to throw parties for everyone’s birthdays (except Joy, RIP, who turned 18 in the summer before the school year started). However, Amber wasn’t actually around to throw any of those parties. But she did leave all her party stuff behind, so the rest of them use her party supplies for everyone’s 18th birthday parties

Amber’s birthday is September 9 (a Virgo 😘), so every year she sees her birthday as the celebration to kick off the school year. She wants a huge celebration and a party and cake and presents for her birthday every year. She’s also definitely the high school girl who had her friends decorate her locker and had birthday balloons tied to her bag that she carried around all day on her birthday every year. She also definitely wore like a birthday tiara

I believe that Mara is a Libra (⚖️), and that her birthday is in early October (my headcanon is Oct. 6). She likes having a fall birthday because she likes how cozy it is and she likes to indulge in a pumpkin spice latte. She doesn’t like to make a huge deal about her birthday, and whenever people try to make a fuss she’s like no no there’s no need to make a big deal. She doesn’t want like the world’s biggest party, however, if anyone tries to make her do anything she doesn’t want to do on her birthday, she gets very pissy

Eddie’s birthday is November 19 (fuckin Scorpio 🦂), meaning that it is very close to American Thanksgiving. As a child he would always say to his mother that Thanksgiving “got in the way” of his birthday

Patricia’s birthday is December 8 (Sagittarius 🏹), and originally she’s not a big fan of her birthday and it makes her angry because she has to share her birthday with Piper (obviously) like she has to share everything. Birthday parties as children were not fun for Patricia bc obviously there would be one party for the both of them and her parents would skew it towards Piper. Patricia resented her birthday for awhile. However, Joy, always tries to go out of her way to make her birthday special and just for her (“You will have a good time on your birthday, Patricia!”), and eventually she comes around to enjoying her birthday as long as it’s exclusively her birthday

Fabian is absolutely a Capricorn (🐐), everything about him screams Capricorn. Which means his birthday is anywhere from late December to mid-January, and I believe his birthday is definitely two days before Christmas. He gets really grumpy and bitter about his birthday because of that; his birthday constantly gets pushed to the side for Christmas, and he can never spend his birthday with his friends because it’s always over the holidays. He says it’s fine (“it’s fine”) and that he’s just not a big birthday person, but that’s a lie he’s just grumpy about it. He was gifted many combo birthday-Christmas gifts as a child which he was not a fan of. He also does a little bit of “i hate my birthday out of spite” in the vein of Chandler Bing and Thanksgiving, but like only a little bit [side note: my dad’s birthday is two days after Christmas, so I can confirm that people with Christmas-adjacent birthdays are absolutely grumpy and “woe is me” like this]

I believe KT is an Aquarius (🏺) and that her birthday is at the very end of January (my headcanon is Jan. 29). She was definitely that kid in school who brought cupcakes into school on her birthday, and she continues this tradition at Anubis House. She wakes up early on her birthday so that she can make cupcakes to bring to class. Alfie’s a big fan

Willow is for sure a Pisces (🐟), and her birthday is in late February (my headcanon is Feb. 24). The thing she wants the most for her birthday every single year is for it to snow on her birthday. She wants her birthday to be “a winter wonderland.” And whenever it does actually snow on her birthday, it’s the best thing to ever happen to her in her entire life, and she spends all day in the snow

I believe Mick is an Aries (🐏), and his birthday is in late March (my headcanon is March 30)

I believe Alfie is also an Aries (🐏), and in my mind is birthday is on April Fool’s Day. No one believes him when he tells them at first. His birthday is always a riot. Everyone feels bad about getting mad at his April Fool’s Day pranks because they don’t want to make him upset on his birthday, and because of this he goes just a little bit mad with power

Because their birthdays are 2 days apart, Alfie and Mick often had joint birthday festivities. Alfie loves sharing; Mick is not so keen about it. Alfie often takes over the birthday festivities and tends to make them more about himself, which steams Mick a little bit. However, Alfie also enthusiastically calls the two of them “birthday buddies” which Mick can’t help but like

I can totally see Trudy either A) making two cakes or B) making one of those cakes that’s split down the middle, like one half is chocolate/chocolate and one half is vanilla/vanilla or whatever. And she totally puts their faces on the cake (which they both would love) and puts the face on each respective half so they know whose is whose. “Whoever’s cake you pick is who you love more,” Alfie declares every year, making the whole house choose sides

Now Jerome, I believe, is a Gemini (👯‍♀️), and his birthday is in mid-June (my headcanon is June 11). This means he’s the youngest one in the house, which he absolutely fucking hates. He tries to keep his birthday a secret from everyone for the longest time. For awhile, they think that Alfie is the youngest, and he would prefer to keep it that way. He absolutely does not want anyone to know that he is anubis house baby. He declares the day they find out the truth the worst day of his life. Everyone makes jokes about it which angers him to no end. “I am the tallest one here!! Don’t disrespect me like this!!” “Yeah but you’re still the baby of the house. Have you hit puberty yet?”

Once Jerome’s 18th birthday hits and they have the final 18th birthday party, Trudy gets incredibly emotional because all of her babies are adults now. She definitely cries a little. Or a lot

[jjbarestaurant]

Can we get I J and N for jotaro, josuke and okuyasu?

Of course! Thank you for requesting ^^

Fluff alphabet I, J, N for Jotaro, Josuke, and Okuyasu

👊Jotaro Kujo👊

(Jotaro P3)

I = Injury (how would they act if you got hurt?)

(some of these headcanons are for big injuries, but can be applied for small injuries)

Jotaro will go feral with whoever hurt you. Rumors say that this guy is being ora ora’d till now days.

If you want to go somewhere, Jotaro will carry you bridal style and pretend to be annoyed (psst he likes it).

He will let you alone in your room most of the time, he will ask Holly to take care of you.

And every time she comes out of your room, Jotaro will ask her how you are and if you are recovering well.

He will in random moments put his hand over the place that was hurt and asks if you are feeling pain, to make sure you are fine.

J = Jokes (do they like to joke around with or prank you? how?)

Jotaro isn’t the type to tell jokes, neither prank you.

If you prank him (which is hard, giving the fact he is really observant and cautious) he will automatically call Star Platinum. You’ll need to calm him down and say it was just you.

If Joseph or Polnareff see this scene, Jotaro would get furious while yelling at them to stop laughing and fuck off.

If you tell him a joke, and he doesn’t understand it is a joke, Jotaro will keep looking at you until you tell him what you just did, or until he perceives it is a joke.

If he perceives it as a joke and finds it funny, he will laugh internally or give a low chuckle. 

   sorry but no one can beat that rock, you know what I’m talking about

If he someday tells you a joke,  he will just look at you, with his stoic face, and tell you. It’s hard to perceive it as a joke.

If you laugh, he will give a brief smile while putting his hat down to cover it.

Joseph already tried to teach him some jokes, but after the first dad joke Joseph taught him, Jotaro just quitted the room saying “Yare yare daze”. (he still remembers the joke… just in case)

N = Nightmare (what is their worst fear?)

(this is just general, not focused on s/o thing)

The peoples he loves abandoning him because of his personality.

For Jotaro, actions speak louder than words. And he knows he is kinda harsh with words.

So it really scares him people considering more what he says to them than what he does for them.

💎Josuke Higashikata💎

I = Injury (how would they act if you got hurt?)

(some of these headcanons are for “big injuries but can be applied for little injuries)

When he saw you were injured, he thought about using Crazy Diamond. But, if you don’t want him to use CD in you, he will insist a little about how Crazy Diamond could fix your injuries, but then, he would stop.

He will take naps, cuddle, and play video game with you all day. Maybe even talk to Okuyasu, for you three have a good time playing video games and laughing.

Will always check if you’re fine.

If you both study at the same school, he would try his best to learn everything to teach you while you are recovering.

But he doesn’t mind losing some days of school taking care of you.

J = Jokes (do they like to joke around with or prank you? how?)

Yes! You both always start a prank war.

When you two started dating, he would always ask if you were fine with the pranks and jokes, but, as time passed, he got more comfortable with the pranks/jokes

I think his favorite type of prank is any he surprises/scares you, and you get angry at him.

He will laugh SO MUCH while you complain about how much he scared you.

I like to think Josuke feels tickles, if you tickle his abdomen, he will try to be strong and not show any sentiment, but if you continue, he will be a laughing mess.

N = Nightmare (what is their worst fear?)

(this is just general, not focused on s/o thing)

cutting his hair in a length he can’t do his pompadour, just kidding… unless?

One of Josuke’s fears is losing all his friends and family (kinda cliché I know)

(this is kinda out of character) Someone he loves, with all his body and soul, someone who he would give up on everything just to see them smiling, talking bad about his hair. Josuke doesn’t know if he gets angry or sad.

✋Okuyasu Nijimura✋

I = Injury (how would they act if you got hurt?)

(some of these headcanons are for “big injuries but can be applied for little injuries)

First, he would want revenge, but his priority is to take care of you and your injuries. Okuyasu would be with you 24/7 for anything you need, he would ask Josuke for some advice/help.

He would try his best. Are you in pain? He already bought 6 different painkillers because he doesn’t know which one is the best. Are you too injured to move properly? He would carry you piggyback to anywhere, You want to eat something? He would disappear for 15 minutes and then come back with two bags of food from Tonio’s restaurant, one for him and one for you, and besides the foods taste fantastic, it will help you recover faster.

Even if you tell him you are all right, he still asks if you’re fine until next week

After you’re fine, he will come back to the first idea, find whoever hurt you, and take revenge… 10 times worse...

J = Jokes (do they like to joke around with or prank you? how?)

Yes! Okuyasu is a really easy-going guy and loves to tell jokes.

He will only get angry at jokes if is humiliating someone he loves.

I don’t think Okuyasu is the kind of thinking two times before telling a joke, but if he perceives it bother someone, he will apologize.

sometimes he makes bad jokes, but it’s so bad that it turns into a good joke.

He will talk to Josuke and make plans to prank you. After that, Okuyasu will talk to you, and make a plan to prank Josuke.

N = Nightmare (what is their worst fear?)

(this is just general, not focused on s/o thing)

Being alone in the world.

He knows he isn’t THAT intelligent, even though he jokes about it. I believe it affects him a little.

So he thinks if he is alone, he can’t do anything.

He is always a happy and out-going guy, so he needs someone to be there with him.

If there’s anything out of character tell me!

[lonestarbabe]

Coming Home

[AO3]

T.K. wants to move in with Carlos, but he’s nervous it’s too soon and is afraid to ask. The 126 sets him straight.

Things with Carlos have been good, really good, which is why T.K. feels ready to take the next step in their relationship, but with everything with Alex, he’s afraid to bring it up. He knows that he gets too invested too quickly, and he doesn’t want to scare Carlos away and jeopardize their future just because he’s impatient to move in together.

He talks to Marjan about it first. Mostly because she makes a pointed comment about how Carlos has been dropping T.K. off a lot lately. “I think we should move in together,” T.K. tells her, “But I’m not sure it’s a good idea.”

“You practically live there anyway. You might as well save yourself the trouble of lugging your stuff back and forth.”

“Yeah, but I don’t know that Carlos is ready for that.”

“Why wouldn’t he be? “

“It’s been less than a year.”

“Yeah, but in less than a year, you’ve been through more than most couples go through in a lifetime.”

“I don’t want to come on too strong.”

Marjan rolls her eyes, “Are you kidding me, dude?” She looks at T.K. like he’s the dumbest person on the planet.

“What’s that look for, Marj?”

“Carlos made you an elaborate romantic dinner before you were even dating.”

“Yeah, and you know how badly that went.”

“My point is that he’s not taking it slow. He invites your friends over just so we have a place to hang out.”

“You’re his friends too.”

“Yeah, now we are, but only because he dove right in and welcomed us into his home, even though he didn’t have to.”

“Because he’s a good person. He’d open his doors to anyone who needs a place.”

“You need a place, don’t you?” Marjan comments.

“I haven’t even met his parents yet.”

“Don’t overthink this. Carlos looks at you with heart eyes 24/7. And you should have seen him when you were shot. He was devastated. He sat with you for hours, so I don’t think he’d mind cohabitating.”

When he talks to Nancy about it, she seems her words echo Marjan’s. “Dude, don’t be an idiot.”

“Why is everyone calling me dude.” He shook his head. “You sound exactly like Marjan.”

“What’s the worst that can happen? Just ask him.”

“Would it be weird if I asked over text.”

“Are you afraid of your puppy-eyed boyfriend, Strand?” Tommy cuts in.

“No, I just don’t want to make things weird.”

Tommy speaks in her “mother” voice. “Then, don’t make things weird and talk to him.”

With all the words of advice, T.K. doesn’t feel any more decisive than he was to begin. The thought of bringing it up makes his throat dry and scratchy. He wouldn’t know how to pull the words into the air, even if he decided that it was right to say them. This decision isn’t one that he can take lightly. He doesn’t want to build a relationship on grand gestures and rush through things at the expense of their relationship. He wants things with Carlos to be different. “You never moved in with Alex,” Owen reminds him, and T.K. isn’t in the mood to take relationship advice from his dad because Owen’s recent track record with romance isn’t so good. (And yeah, maybe the mistakes of his parents are some of the things that make T.K. clam up when he thinks of navigating his relationship with Carlos).

T.K. doesn’t plan on bringing it up with anyone else, but Paul, Mateo, and Judd corner him unwittingly at the end of his shift. “You look conflicted,” Paul says.

T.K. raises his eyebrows. “You can’t possibly know that by looking at me.”

“Marjan told me that you’re nervous to move in with Carlos.”

“That’s not what it is. I’m nervous that Carlos will hate the idea.”

Mateo looks perplexed. “He already gave you a key to his apartment.”

“That’s for convenience. It doesn’t mean we’re ready to live together full time.”

“What would be so different?”

“Well nothing, but don’t you think we should wait until we’ve been in this relationship longer?”

“But what? When you know you know,” Judd says. “Time don’t matter when you’re in love. Just listen to your instincts.”

“Yeah, maybe. But I did that before and that went to hell.”

“You and Alex weren’t good for each other,” Paul says, “But it’s different with Carlos. You’re not asking him to marry you. You’re just asking to live together. Even if he’s not ready, it’s not going to be the end of your relationship.”

“He won’t say no,” Mateo reassures.

“Not if he’s smart,” Judd agrees.

By the end of the day, T.K. knows that the only person left to talk to is Carlos, and he’s still unsure if he’s going to do that. As he unlocks the door and slips into Carlos’ house, he feels his nerves twist in his stomach. Carlos is already there, starting dinner. “Hey,” T.K. says, and his voice is hoarse.

Carlos puts down the spoon, face changing at the tone of T.K.’s voice. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” T.K. says, and Carlos doesn’t look convinced. “Really, nothing at all. I just…” he trails off because he’s not ready to come out with the words.

“Just what?” Now Carlos sounds nervous, and this is not how T.K. envisioned this conversation happening.

“I wanted to talk to you about something, but it can wait.”

“Is it serious?”

T.K. shrugs. It seems pretty serious, but maybe Carlos doesn’t think it’s that big of a deal. They haven’t really talked about it before, and now, T.K.’s wondering if he should hint at moving in and talk about the potential before he talks about it in reality. “I don’t know?”

Carlos smiles fondly. “You don’t know?”

“It’s not bad, but it would be a change.”

“Don’t tell me you’re changing jobs again.”

“No, I think this one is it. It feels like me. We can talk about it after dinner. I don’t want to interrupt what you’ve got planned.”

“It’ll keep. You know me. I won’t be able to sit through dinner without knowing.”

“I love your curiosity. You’ll make a great detective someday.”

“You think?”

“I know,” T.K. says. “Do you need help with dinner?”

“Don’t try to divert my attention.”

“Babe, do you really think I’d do that?”

“You absolutely would.” Carlos gives a pleading look. “If it’s nothing bad, just let it out. The suspense is killing me.”

“I’m not sure how you’ll respond. I know you’ll be nice about it, but I don’t want to make things weird.”

“You’ve told me about your parent’s loud sex. If things were going to get weird, they would have by now.”

“That wasn’t my fault. I couldn’t live with that trauma alone.”

“I don’t blame you. That was wild. But things don’t have to be weird if we don’t make them weird.”

“I guess I should just ask.”

“Yeah, seems like a good idea.”

“Okay, so this is just something I’m wondering about. I don’t want you to feel pressure to say yes, and if you say no, I’m not going to blow up or be a headcase. I’ve made peace with either answer. So, um, yeah. Don’t let hurting my feelings impact your decision.” He can’t stop himself from talking, and all the words are flowing out of him before he can think about what he’s saying.

“Cariño, whatever it is, take a breath. It’s just me, and whatever it is, we’ll handle it as a team.”

“Yeah, about that, the teamwork. I like that we’re a team, and I think we can up our teamwork.”

“If you’re suggesting we join a bowling league or something, I’m game,” Carlos jokes.

“I don’t even know how to bowl, so no, that’s not the kind of teamwork I was thinking about. I was thinking more like living together.” T.K. immediately feels stupid for the suggestion, so he tries to backtrack. “It’s a dumb idea. I didn’t mean it like that. We don’t have to do it, like, now, but I just think it could be good. In the future or whatever.”

Carlos starts to laugh, and T.K. isn’t sure what to make of that response. Of all the scenarios he created in his head, that wasn’t one of them.

“What’s so funny?”

Carlos leans over to kiss T.K. “You’re cute when you’re nervous.”

“I just don’t want to ruin things.”

“I’ve been hinting about moving in together for weeks, T.K.”

“What? When?”

“I kept saying about how nice it would be if we could spend more nights together. I told you that you could have more than just a couple drawers. I gave your eight million vitamins a special place.”

“You could have just said something.”

“I was trying to get you used to the idea so you didn’t panic.”

“The only thing I panicked about was having to ask.”

“You had nothing to worry about.”

“So, is that a yes?”

“I’ll have to think about it.”

T.K. gives Carlos an impatient look, “Don’t leave me in suspense.”

“I’m thinking about all your hoodies and the way you just throw your stuff around.”

“Small consolations for having someone to come home to.”

“Coming home. I like that sound of that.”

“You’re a jerk for dragging this out.”

“I’m a jerk you’ll be living with.

“And those no jerk I’d rather come home to.”

[nightwingmyboi]

Can I ask why you hate Batman and Robin Eternal? (it was my first DC comic ever, my dad bought it for me in one of his trips even though I didn’t know anything about the batfam or comics in general lmao). It’s been so long since the last time I read it I don’t even remember what it was about (I do remember enjoying it in that moment but it may have also been because it was a gift and the drawings were cool lol)

Aww, that’s very sweet. There are certainly bits of the comic that are enjoyable. I’m pretty sure that I’m actually in the minority when I say that I don’t care for it...but since you asked lol, there are several things about these comics that really rub me the wrong way. This is pretty negative (and way longer than I’d planned), so be warned. 

For starters, Dick Grayson was just...not treated well by his family members in these comics. It felt particularly brutal here specifically...I think because Dick would say very harmless things, and his family’s responses in return were so abrupt and unreasonably harsh. Like, Dick says that he’s glad to see Batgirl, and wonders what some kids are doing dressed as Robin...

Batman and Robin Eternal #4

And Batgirl bites his head off. Or, there were times where Dick would just be hanging out in the general vicinity, and people would just take shots at him out of the blue for seemingly no reason. 

Batman and Robin Eternal #3

It felt like he could barely breathe without someone criticizing him for it. At one point, Dick confesses that he’s feeling discouraged, and Damian’s response is to punch him in the face. 

Batman and Robin Eternal #22

Which is a pretty good summary of the family’s treatment of him in these comics to be honest. Just literally, lashing out at him for zero reason while he just takes it. 

One scene in particular that really frustrated me was this one: 

Batman and Robin Eternal #5

You know, that other time in this comic series where one of Dick’s family members punches him in the face while he, once again, takes the hit and does nothing to retaliate. Good times. 

For context...the big bad in these comics is a villain known as “Mother.” Her speciality is brainwashing. She placed several of her “children” in high-profile positions in order to enact her plans, even managing to infiltrate Spyral. In a message left for Dick, Batman specifically explains that “Anyone could be under her control, Dick. They could be people you know. People you love…they probably will be” (Batman and Robin Eternal #1). 

Unlike in Pre-52, Tim’s background is largely a mystery. He’s acting suspiciously. So, Dick takes it upon himself to investigate and ensure that Tim’s not one of Mother’s plants. 

On Tim’s side of things, he’s upset that Dick investigated behind his back and found out where he’d secretly had his parents living for their safety. Dick unintentionally brought danger to their doorstep (though, notably, no one was actually hurt). But Tim’s pissed, and punches Dick in the face. 

Not gonna lie, this was hard to take. I mean, even if Tim was in the right in this argument (which he lowkey isn’t in my eyes), that still does not make it ok for him to just punch Dick out of the blue when Dick is, as pictured above, just talking to him. 

And the hypocrisy that Tim is displaying here is stunning. How he had previously told Dick off for keeping secrets from the family by going undercover with Spyral, when he in fact had a whole secret family tucked away in a corner. How he tells Dick off now for invading people’s privacy, when just earlier in this very comic he had planted surveillance devices in Stephanie’s apartment without her consent. 

Batman and Robin Eternal #2

How Tim storms off and goes on a solo mission with Jason because Dick’s supposedly too personally invested and thus compromised, when he just got so emotionally unhinged that he lost his shit at Dick and punched him. Once again, may I just say, simply stunning. 

But does Tim ever face any consequences for this behavior? Oh, of course not! Instead, we get Jason joking about how great it is to punch Dick in the face when he is not even fighting back. 

Batman and Robin Eternal #7

And everyone collectively piling on to Dick and blaming him, even though he had legitimate concerns. Awesome. 

Batman and Robin Eternal #6

Batman and Robin Eternal #7

And Dick just continues to take it. Not once does he stand up for himself. It’s so hard to read him continually get shit on, I’m sorry. And it’s crazy how they treat him this way, and yet still ultimately look to him for encouragement and rely on him to save the day in the end? You hate to see it. 

I also didn’t like what they did with Cass. I know, I’m just full of complaints. But they really watered her down. With Pre52 Cass, you could actually describe facets of her personality. She was compassionate, had a very refreshing, sassy sense of humor, etc. She wasn’t just...mysterious action girl who has a dark past and cries occasionally. I mean, there were moments where I could see glimpses of personality (the time she visited the ballet being the main one), but on the whole she punched people when needed, and otherwise just stood there as people talked about and around her. Essentially a prop for the story. 

Batman and Robin Eternal #24

Another thing that makes me so uncomfortable (that I couldn’t pin down until I read this post here) is the fact that this comics version of events makes it so that Cass’ own backstory no longer has her as the focus; it’s not about her emotional struggles and journey. By having Cass kill Harper’s mother rather than a random man, it makes the story about Harper, and about Cass gaining Harper’s forgiveness. So...more using Cass as a prop...as an element of someone else’s story in what is supposed to be her origin! 

Honestly, I have no idea why Cass would want to stay with the Bat-family in these comics anyway...her previous mentorship with Barbara Gordon is nonexistent. She’s no longer Batgirl. The two people who were once her closest friends treat her horribly. 

Batman and Robin Eternal #3

Batman and Robin Eternal #4

As if she’s barely a person. Once again, sooooo hard to read this. Why. 

Yeah, I could go on forever nitpicking here. You probably got a sense of it already, but I absolutely despise how Tim is characterized here. Most of the time, he’s an ass. Jason also had pretty inconsistent characterization. And I really don’t like how the whole comic treats Robin like something Batman owns and is meant to benefit from, rather than as something Dick created. I don’t like how Cain was “redeemed” in the end, and that Cass took on the name Orphan instead of Black Bat or Batgirl. Once again, how is she connected to the Bat-family exactly? And I don’t like how Dick’s time as Robin is portrayed. 

The existence of this comic...drives me insane...

It’s also the worst time to be doing a “Does Batman treat his kids like child soldiers?” arc considering it is coming on the tail end of Spyral, aka that one thing that Dick did because Bruce beat the shit out of him and forced him to. 

Nightwing #30

Looking through Batman’s speech to Dick there...some of the things he says to Dick are so uncomfortably close to what Cain says to Cass. Really horrible parallel there. Why DC. 

I really don’t know why Dick was so certain that Bruce didn’t do something shady with Mother, as was implied throughout the comic, when Bruce had pulled the Spyral crap fairly recently. Idk why they didn’t play into that side of things. Like, the fact that this arc ends with Dick comforting Batman about them not being child soldiers: 

Batman and Robin Eternal #26

Instead of Batman stepping up to reaffirm to Dick that he was a good partner and a trusted ally when he spent the whole comic being insulted by his family and being told this stuff by his enemies (and flashback!Batman): 

Batman and Robin Eternal #8

Batman and Robin Eternal #12

Just sucks. I mean, Dick had just recently sacrificed everything (his family, his friends, his life, his identity, everything) to do as Batman wanted and go undercover, only to hear this over and over? To hear that none of it was enough? That he could never be enough? And Dick never gets reassurance that this isn’t true. This comic is just agonizing in so many ways. 

Obviously, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and I am not criticizing this to be a killjoy? Just venting. If you enjoy these comics, you are free to continue to do you. But I am never going to like them. And when I see people championing these books as the best the Bat-fam has to offer...oof is that hard to hear lmao! Surely we can do better than all this. 

[excitedlysuffering]

Headcanons For A Short S/O

As a short person (5’0) this is my struggle lmao 🤣

Oh and btw for the Kakashi hc I actually have a oneshot about the confrontation I MIGHT post

Itachi~

• He’s really not one to lord it over you, especially if it makes them uncomfortable. He won’t tease you or purposely put things high up

• Okay, but every once in a while, he might leave something on a top shelf just cause he wants you to need him

• Piggyback rides are a huge thing

• Forehead kisses literally 24/7

• You’re also privileged enough to get FOREHEAD POKES but those are speciallll so not as often

• Thinking you are absolutely adorable. Oh, this boy just LOVES to hold you and think how you fit perfectly in his arms. It made him feel protective like he was the one keeping you safe.

• Itachi had no idea he such a cuddler until he held you for the first time.

• When he finishes a mission or has just had a long day he loves just enveloping you in his arms

• Soft boi ™ for you

• Someone should just try to make you feel bad about your height. Best case scenario: A tongue lashing and a death glare Worst case: A genjutsu or a few minor injuries should teach them a lesson right?

• Spooning. All night every night, period.

• You’re always the small spoon, seeing as neither of you would be comfortable any other way. Plus you just fit so perfectly how could he not smother you in cuddles?

• Overall he loves how petite you are! Wouldn’t change it for the world!

Sai~

• He would be fascinated by your height (or lack thereof) and Sai being Sai wouldn’t hesitate to mention it or ask questions

• “You know, your height is well below average, for your age. Why is that?”

• Sighing because you’re not surprised in the least

• “It all started when my mom met my dad…”

• Sai really has no defining opinion towards your height, but he does find it slightly amusing seeing you reaching for high up things or trying to intimidate someone two heads taller than you

• He doesn’t really mention it unless he’s curious. He’ll ask if you like being short, if it makes things difficult, if people talk bad about you, etc.

• If people don’t make fun of your stature, he is quite relieved. You shouldn’t have to feel bad about something as insignificant as height.

• However, if they do get ready to be bombarded with questions

• “Does it upset you? Are you self conscious? Does it happen a lot?!”

• Overall he can become very frantic about this, so reassuring him immediately is probably best

• Will definitely confront someone who’s being rude

• Remember when he nicknamed everyone based on their looks? Get ready for many short person names

• Literally anything he could think of, but his favorite is ‘Chibi’ because you remind him of how adorably tiny they are

• Not much of a cuddler, but on the rare occasion he feels extra snuggly, he’ll probably place you in his lap and holds you like you’re made of glass

• Treats you like you’re petite, but not in a bad way. Makes himself aware of your limitations that differ from his, shinobi or not.

Kakashi~

• Oh boy.

• This man has no mercy when it comes to your shortness

• He lives and breathes short jokes

• Always moving things up too high for you cuz he adores helping you out and wants to see that cute expression you wear when you strain to reach something

• If it doesn’t bother you, great! You’ll laugh with him and tease him right back and that’ll be that

• On the other hand, if you don’t enjoy being the butt of one too many (unoriginal) short jokes, you’ll have a problem

• Kakashi, for the most part, wouldn’t notice how much it bothered you

• He never thought there should be a problem with height insecurities, it’s your height for Jashin’s sake!

• So unless you decide to confront him, there won’t be any change

• But once you tell him, holy cow, he’ll change his tune

• He’ll do everything to make it up to you, he won’t even mention your height, negatively or positively

• You know he wasn’t being mean spirited, so it’s okay if he slips up from time to time

• As for sleeping arrangements, he loves it when you fall asleep literally lying on top of him

• He just loves waking up and having you cuddling him like a koala

• Head pats galore. Like all the time

• Sometimes when he’s irritated, he’ll just wrap an arm around your waist, tuck you under his arm, and just walk off with you you love it

• He really does love your height even if he sometimes has a bad way of showing it

[daymansbingerecapsandrankings]

(Originally written on October 8, 2020)

🎵Bang, Bang Bangedy Bang

I said a Bang Bang Bangedy Bang🎵

My How I Met Your Mother Thoughts

I just spent the last nine seasons in New York with the gang that spends all their time in MacLaren’s Pub. SELF FIVE! I have to say, this binge of How I Met Your Mother brought me so much happiness. I started watching this show for the first time back in high school, and I ended up watching the last six seasons as they aired. I remember loving this group of characters, and now I am reminded why. There’s so much chemistry between the five, and it makes for one of my favorite Comedies/Sitcoms of all time. If you’ve read any of my previous Show Thoughts, then you know I’ve been watching several over the course of this lovely Pandemic That Will Just Keep Going. After this rewatch, I’ve decided HIMYM is my third favorite Comedy/Sitcom, right after Boy Meets World and Scrubs.

Now, I know that the Finale is infamous. It’s in the Mount Rushmore of Terrible Endings, and people end up getting a sour taste in their mouth when they bring up the show. Well, it’s been some years. There’s been time to reflect and look back. And, while I’m not in favor of the Finale, I also don’t hate it anymore with the passion of a thousand suns. I just loved watching and growing with the gang, seeing them experience their highs and their lows, their triumphs and their failures. It just hits harder as an adult, like most of these shows assuredly do, and I cherish so many of these episodes and moments.

And now, my rankings for the seasons!

Seasons Rankings

1. Season One

2. Season Four

3. Season Two

4. Season Six

5. Season Eight

6. Season Five

7. Season Three

8. Season Seven

9. Season Nine

My rankings for the girlfriends, purely on how much I like them as a character

The Girlfriends Rankings

1. Robin

2. Tracy

3. Victoria

4. Zoey

5. Stella

6. Jeannette

And now, a ranking of my favorite episodes. From 1-50, these are the ones that stand out above the rest. I consider every single one of these enjoyable.

Favorite Episodes

1. Slap Bet (S2E9)

2. Come On (S1E22)

3. The Limo (S1E11)

4. The Best Burger in New York (S4E2)

5. Ten Sessions (S3E13)

6. The Pineapple Incident (S1E10)

7. Bachelor Party (S2E19)

8. Game Night (S1E15)

9. Oh, Honey (S6E15)

10. Glitter (S6E9)

11. The Duel (S1E8)

12. The Pilot (S1E1)

13. Arriverdverci, Fierro (S2E17)

14. The Over-Correction (S8E10)

15. How Your Mother Met Me (S916)

16. Intervention (S4E4)

17. The Magician’s Code, Part II (S7E24)

18. The Autumn of Break-Ups (S8E5)

19. The Ducky Tie (S7E3)

20. The Best Man (S7E1)

21. The Leap (S4E24)

22. Blitzgiving (S6E10)

23. Three Days of Snow (S4E13)

24. The Scorpion & The Toad (S2E2)

25. Bass Player Wanted (S9E13)

26. The Final Page, Part 2 (S8E12)

27. Duel Citizenship (S5E5)

28. Happily Ever After (S4E6)

29. Farhampton (S8E1)

30. Bro Mitzvah (S8E22)

31. Robin 101 (S5E3)

32. The Magician’s Code, Part I (S7E23)

33. Last Words (S6E14)

34. The Playbook (S5E8)

35. The Time Travelers (S8E20)

36. Splitsville (S8E6)

37. Subway Wars (S6E4)

38. Showdown (S2E20)

39. Drumroll, Please (S1E13)

40. Front Porch (S4E17)

41. Twin Bed (S5E21)

42. Who Wants to be a Godparent? (S8E4)

43. Girls vs. Suits (S5E12)

44. Something Borrowed (S2E21)

45. As Fast As She Can (S4E23)

46. The Wedding Bride (S5E23)

47. The Bracket (S3E14)

48. The Sexless Innkeeper (S5E4)

49. Third Wheel (S3E3)

50. Spoiler Alert (S3E8)

And now, just some thoughts on the show and on the gang!

Ted - I know people don’t like Ted. I don’t actually like Ted all that much. And yet, I found myself rooting for Ted just like I did the first go around. He’s not the worst person in the world, and I would be scared to see half of the decisions we’ve made in the dating game stringed together into a TV show. I know people wouldn’t like me very much for those decisions. Then again, I also don’t get super crazy about details about buildings, I don’t pronounce encyclopedia that way, and he tends to stick his foot in his mouth with this White Man confidence that I just don’t have. With all that being said, I still find Ted being a great friend, a man who is just trying to find the love of his life, and someone who really drives this story with great tales and narration (Bob Saget is the Sixth Man of the Show for just always bringing it). I think Ted does stupid things and he pretty much admits it after the fact. He learns, sometimes, and also doesn’t much like most of us. When he finally found the Mother, when he finally found Tracy, I cared. I cared so much, and I still do. Even though they just shit on her character and don’t give us enough time with her, I almost wonder if that’s a metaphor for the fact that you won’t always have enough time with your loved ones.

Robin - Let’s go to the mall! Yeah! Robin Sparkles is a Canadian Treasure, and so is Robin Scherbatsky. She is one of the best things about this show, and I love her so. Played by Cobie Smulders who I need to see in more stuff, Robin is who we all wanted Ted to maybe be with first. Then we go through all the loops of the HIMYM roller coaster, and a lot of us still wanted them to be together. I was one of them. Yet, she was more than just a romantic plot line for Ted. She was a part of the group who we got to see join it and evolve into a member of their family organically. Robin is fun, loud, full of fun quirks that we get to learn over the course of the series. I was heartbroken when we found out she can’t have children. I was loving the back and forth between her and Barney (the first time), and kind of mad at Barney about being such a crazy ass prankster the second time. Robin shows us just how amazing some gun loving, hockey obsessed Canadian news anchor can be, and how much she cares for her friends.

Lily - Justice Aldrin ends up being one of my favorite characters, even if that gets some curious looks. Yeah, she left Marshall for a summer. Yeah, she had some hesitancy with the marriage and everything. That happens. Lily was also always there for her friends, even if she ends up going a little overboard. She wants Ted to find happiness, and does whatever she can to help. She is there to listen to Robin at all times, and her and Marshall are easily one of the best relationships in TV I’ve ever witnessed. Then we have Lily and Barney which is honestly super underrated. Barney trusts Lily, even though she can’t keep a secret, with all of his emotional problems. Lily is who thought Barney could change before anyone else, and I love seeing their friendship grow from eye rolls to eye tears.

Barney - Oh, Barney. He honestly brings so much annoyance and fun to the show. He’s the friend of the gang who everyone tolerates. He’s the one in the gang who everyone ends up loving just as much as everyone else. Barney shows such a terrible face to the world, sleeping with over 250 women and lying to most of them. He has all these rules that aren’t very ethical. He gives us most of the Misogynism in this show, which is definitely prevalent and makes the show not as strong as it was in the first watch. Still, we get to see Barney grow into someone who wants real love and a happy life. Sure, they show us that his marriage to Robin only lasts three years, but at least they tried. Barney just couldn’t make it work, and that’s honestly who Barney really is. A person who just enjoys sleeping with different people. I was very warmed to see the baby reveal and that Barney becoming a dad was what would change him more than anything. Barney is an underrated friend, and his importance to the gang is legendary.

Marshall - I. Love. Big Fudge. He’s just so fun, caring, goofy, loyal, and everything that I aspire to be in life. For some reason, when watching the show the first time, I related to Ted the most. I was definitely a bit more selfish then. But now, I see that I am a Marshall. He wants to do good in the world, and it drives him so much. He only loves Lily, and his loyalty to their relationship is just Goals. He is also the most fun to watch having a crisis. He gets the big eyes and covers his mouth and just gets obviously super uncomfortable. Some of my favorite moments of the show are also Marshall’s talks with Ted about his feelings for Robin. Any one-on-ones with Marshall and someone else are probably my favorite moments. And yes, I will always root for him over those damn machines!

Last Thoughts:

Sure, the writing wasn’t as sharp or as witty in the later seasons, but I loved the story lines and seeing the gang just live.

Tracy was an amazing character as The Mother, and I truly wonder what could have been if they had given us two full seasons of story with her instead of any episodes of Jeannette.

I really can’t believe Ted told his kids all those stories. A fun premise for a show, but really, not very realistic telling them all that jazz.

Ranjit and Carl are such fun recurring characters that I always enjoyed seeing every time they popped up.

Out of all the recurring jokes and gags, which there are many (y’all said Community has so many, but HIMYM really swings for it), I love the Major/General salute joke. Idk if I just didn’t care for it the first time around or forgot about it, but I just love how silly it is and how they kept it through to the very last episode.

Watching the gang sit at their table in MacLaren’s just hanging out will always make me smile.